#and her friends!!! all this to say the way they ended the way they did w s2 even if s3 was hypothetically never planned is beautifu

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

Giving the nerd a chance

tags: nerd!nanami/fem!reader, college!au, nsfw, dirty talk, asphyxiation, size kink, mdni!!

a/n: this one’s a long one :) pace yourself and enjoy!

Kento Nanami is a social enigma. He is a total outlier but in the weirdest way possible.

This man is conventionally attractive. Some would even go as far to say Nanami’s handsome, almost in a filthy way. His looks are sneaky too. He’s not someone you’d immediately notice in a room, but once you did…

You would notice his sculpted jaw line first. Then, his naturally high cheekbones that gave way to his soft hazel eyes. He had a serious look on his face always, but his eyes told a different story. Maybe you’d notice his blonde hair that sat neatly on his head, styled with an undercut. Yeah, Nanami was fucking hot.

But that’s not the weird part. No, you haven’t heard him utter a single word except to answer the professor’s unanswered questions once the silence was unbearable.

That’s not exactly weird either. There are tons of people who go through college without the intention of making friends… but Nanami has friends. He doesn’t just have like one friend. No, he’s apart of a friend group.

The weirdest part was he seemed to be close with the most popular guy in your university, star quarterback Satoru Gojo. Gojo was seemingly every college girl’s wet dream. He’s the type to stand out in a room. His looks and personality demand attention.

He’s the complete opposite from Nanami.

Then, there was Suguru Geto… Geto was also a strange friend for Nanami to have. Geto was smart, funny, and well-mannered… when he was in class. But you’ve seen how Geto acts at parties. He smokes cigarettes, shotguns whiskey, and keeps up with all of Gojo’s antics. Shoko was the exact same way, except she didn’t care enough to keep up with Gojo’s buffoonery.

They were the complete opposite from Nanami as well.

Yu Haibara was a cutie patootie. He’s also a sweet social butterfly. Another one of Nanami’s friends that just didn’t seem to be his type.

You caught yourself staring at the friend group as you’re sitting on a couch at a frat house. Your college team just won the game, so Satoru had invited a whole slew of people over. You somehow made it on that list. Your friend, Utahime, is begging you to leave, but something is telling you to stay.

“Go on without me, Uta. I’ll be fine, promise.” You say over the music as you flash her a small smile to assure her.

“I really, really, really don’t want to leave you here alone, yn. I don’t want you to end up on the front page of the news.”

“Don’t wish that shit upon me.” You laugh as you gently nudge her arm, urging her towards the door.

“I’m serious, yn. Please text me. If you’re not back in the dorm by midnight, I’m calling the cops.” She says as she grabs your shoulders, forcing you to face her directly.

You admire your friend’s caring demeanor, but she was being a total cock block for you right now.

“I will text you. I promise.” You assure her once again. “Go back to the dorm. Love you.”

She sighs deeply as she lets you go. She’s still not comfortable with the idea of leaving you here, but she can’t force you to leave. “Love you too. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Oh, that’s all I’m gonna do.” You smirk as she flips you off and leaves the frat house.

You take a drink from your red solo cup to gather your nerves. Nanami has been sitting in the corner of the kitchen all night. He’s alone, but he doesn’t look lonely. Sometimes, Satoru will drunkenly slouch his weight onto the blonde and slur something inaudible to him. From what you can see, Nanami just rolls his eyes and shrugs his friend off his shoulders.

You want to approach him, but you’re still too afraid he won’t talk to you. As you sit down your cup, an intoxicated Satoru is standing over you.

“I’m sorry- I don’t remember your name.” He gives you a slanted smile as he crouches down a bit so you two are face-to-face.

“That’s okay. I don’t remember yours either.” You snip back with a small grin. Something sparkles in his eyes as you give him a little bit of a challenge. He finds it to be endearing.

“Cheeky. Give me your number.” He demands, keeping his smirk on his face.

“Why should I give it to you?”

“Because it’s not for me.” He slurs as he leans in close to you. He nods his head towards the kitchen. “I’m doing this for my pussy friend over there.”

Your eyes dart towards Nanami. His eyes are glaring holes into Satoru with more anger and emotion than you’ve ever seen from him. Your stomach swirls with butterflies.

“That is a really good reason.” You murmur as you quickly type your number into Satoru’s phone.

*** *** ***

It had been days since the frat party and not a single word from Nanami. Your excitement had honestly fizzled out into sulking. Were you not good enough for him? Did Satoru lie? Was it all a sick prank?

Not even Utahime could get you in a good mood.

“Yn. This is so ridiculous. If you like him that much, just go up and talk to him.” She chides

“Noooo.” You groan into your pillow as you turn onto your stomach in your bed. “He’s too cool. Out of my league.”

“Are you sure we’re talking about the same Kento Nanami? The nerd who barely ever talks? The know-it-all in class?”

“Utahimeee.”

“You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Let me wallow in my self pity.” You gripe before you hear your phone buzz. The sound of your phone notifying you doesn’t even excite you anymore. It’s always some lame ass notification.

Unknown Number: Is this yn?

Your eyes widen as you stare at your phone in disbelief. Your body involuntarily sits up in bed, startling Utahime.

“Jesus Christ. What? What happened?”

“He texted me!” You beam proudly. You are embarrassing. Utahime scoffs and walks away from you, unable to take the second-hand embarrassment.

Yn: Yeah, that’s me :)

Unknown Number: This is Kento Nanami. I’m sorry Gojo felt the need to disturb you at the party. 

Yn: No need! He didn’t disturb me too much.

Nanami: That’s good to hear.

God. Now, what do you say? Of course Nanami is a dry texter. You stare at the text conversation for a while, trying to think of something.. anything to break the ice.

Yn: Did you ask him to get my number, or did he do that on his own volition?

Nanami: Gojo does things on his own volition.

Yn: Ah.. I see.

He left you on read.

Goddammit.

You had your chance, and now, you blew it. Sighing, you lock your phone and try to forget he even ever texted you in the first place.

*** *** ***

I mean, who even needs Nanami? He’s really not even that handsome or mysterious. You keep telling yourself as you get ready to go to another party Gojo invited you too.

Oh, also, Gojo kept your number for himself as well. He mostly asked to copy your notes when Nanami refused to let him copy his notes. He would also send the occasional invitation to one of his signature parties.

This one was apparently labeled as “exclusive”. You had no idea what that meant, but you weren’t allowed to bring a plus-one this time.

Luckily for you, Utahime was visiting back home for the weekend, so she couldn’t scold you for going out to another party this weekend.

Black eyeliner was smeared across your waterline, and you puckered your lips as you carefully applied some sheer gloss. You decided to be casual with your outfit, wearing a basic off-shoulder black top with some jeans.

As soon as you got to the frat house, you quickly understood what “exclusive” meant. It was only their closest friends in the house. Satoru and Haibara were on the couch, lounging. Suguru and Shoko were sitting by the window, sharing a cigarette. Nanami was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, looking as stoic as ever. Immediately, you were grateful for going with a more casual look.

“Yn! So glad you made it!” Satoru grinned in a more sober voice than the last time you spoke with him.

“Am I imposing on something?” You ask as you close the door.

“Of course not, silly. I sent you an invite for a reason.” Satoru says casually as he pats the spot between him and Haibara on the couch. “Come have a seat. Get comfortable. We’re just hanging out tonight.”

You stare at the seat between Gojo and Haibara, and you decide to sit in the open chair next to them instead.

“Afraid that we might bite?” Gojo grins as he leans over the arm of the chair towards you.

“Stop it, Satoru. You’re going to scare her away.” Shoko scolds before taking a drag off her cigarette.

Your phone gently buzzes in your pocket as Satoru and Shoko begin to bicker about his social skills. You sneakily check your phone.

Nanami: You look pretty tonight.

OH. We are so back, baby.

Yn: Thank you :) You look as handsome as ever.

Nanami: Oh yeah?

It is so small and insignificant, but that little “oh yeah?” makes your stomach flutter with excitement.

“Yn?” You snap your attention up to Shoko and realize she has been trying to talk to you.

“Shit- sorry. What’s up?”

Your phone lightly buzzes again, and you quickly glance down to check.

Nanami: You’re blushing.

“I was asking what your major is.” Shoko smiles calmly as she’s sat upon the windowsill. She flicks her cigarette outside before blowing out a cloud of smoke. You try to ignore how your heart is skipping beats right now.

“Oh, I’m just in general studies right now. I’m kind of indecisive. What about you?”

“I’m pre-med right now.” Shoko answers.

“I thought you swapped to nursing.” Haibara asks as he shifts his body to face her. The two start conversing together, giving you a chance to check your phone.

Nanami: Are you ill, or do my words just affect you that much?

Yn: I’m actually ill.

Nanami: You’re also apparently a liar, sweetheart.

How the fuck was this man so bold over text, but wouldn’t speak to hardly anyone in person?

Yn: Sweetheart? I didn’t know we were on that sort of level yet.

Nanami: Does that make you uncomfortable?

Yn: No

Nanami: Good. Then don’t complain.

The throb your cunt just did should’ve been illegal. There was no reason for you to be so turned on by that, but you were.

Yn: What would you have done had I said that it did make me uncomfortable?

Nanami: I would’ve found you a nickname you were more comfortable with.

He was being sweet, and you were over there clenching around nothing like a whore.

You had been so caught up in your phone that you didn’t realize Yu had went and gotten everyone a beer out of the fridge. You decide to risk a glance at Nanami. He looked calm and composed. You wondered if he even knew the effect he had on you truly.

“Shoko, when are you finally going to get some bitches?” Satoru asks with a laugh. Your eyes widen as you notice Suguru is on his lap now. You had really been so distracted by your phone…

“At this rate, I think Nanami will beat me.” Shoko laughed as she took a drink of her beer. You shift slightly in your seat as Shoko cuts her eyes towards you with a small grin.

Nanami: I will

Yn: Will what?

Nanami: I will beat her.

Yn: Confident or competitive?

Nanami: Both.

Yn: You didn’t strike me as the type.

Nanami: You don’t think I can do it?

Yn: I never said that.

Nanami lays his phone on his lap, and you can feel his eyes trailing up and down your body. Feeling your heart skip a beat, you decide to look up at him. Your breath hitches in your throat as you glance over him. He looks relaxed. His head is propped up in his hand, and he’s almost giving you a lazy smile.

Knowing more about Nanami, you recognize it as a cocky smile now.

The rest of the “party” goes without a hitch. You decided it was time to leave once Suguru and Satoru were obnoxiously making out, Shoko was asleep on the floor, and Haibara wouldn’t shut the fuck up about the intricacies of anime.

“I’m gonna head back to my dorm now. Thanks for inviting me.” You say quickly as you stand from your seat.

“Hey yn-!” Satoru says as he tugs from Suguru’s lips. The dark-haired male made quick work of moving down to his neck. “Thanks for coming. You should come out here more often.”

“Oh um, I’ll think about it.” You smile politely as you head out the front door. The cold night air nips at your skin. The only light was from the moon high up in the sky. The dorms were a few blocks away.

You never like walking alone at night, but you try to remember that college campuses have security patrolling at all times. Taking a deep shaky breath, you step off the porch.

The sound of the door closing again immediately startles you. You quickly flinch and look towards the frat house. Nanami was calming walking up to you.

“Let me walk you back.” His voice was calm and steady, just like his presence. He really wasn’t phased at all by your subtle flirting earlier?

“Thanks.. I was actually kinda scared.” You mumble as you two walk side by side on the pavement. Your arms hug your body, trying to hide from the snippy air.

“Why didn’t you ask one of us to walk you home then?” Nanami asks as he slips his coat off from his shoulders. He then loosely drapes it over your shoulders. You feel your heart skip a beat as you mumble a quick thanks. Your body snuggled into his coat as it swallowed your frame whole. It was the first time you realized… Nanami is a big man. He’s not just some scrawny nerd. He’s actually pretty well built.

“I didn’t want to be a bother.” You answer quietly, noticing how Nanami shoves his hands into his pockets while you two walk.

“That’s foolish. We invited you. The least we could do is make sure you make it home safely.”

“We?”

Nanami goes silent, and he looks away from your shorter self. The wind blows harshly, making the leaves crinkle and hiss on the trees.

“Yes, we.” He finally answers your question. You smile softly as you look down towards the ground. It seems like Satoru wasn’t the only one who wanted you around.

Standing in front of your dorm door, you slowly slip the coat off from around your shoulders and try to hand it back to him. “I don’t want it.” He answers calmly, making no effort to take the jacket back from you.

“It’s yours, silly.”

“And?”

“Take it.” You gestured the coat to him once more

“No, I want you to have it.” He says as he towers over you. You subconsciously take a step back to create space, and your back hits the door. He leans over you, having to angle his back to see eye-to-eye with you. You can feel his warm breath ghosting over your cheek as he cocks his head towards your ear and neck. “Text me.” He murmurs lowly before pressing a soft kiss to your cheek.

You were left against your door blushing madly as he casually sauntered away.

*** *** ***

You almost think you dreamt that kiss up come Monday morning. You hadn’t texted him all weekend, not even knowing what to say. You felt scared about messing things up and taking his advances the wrong way. He hadn’t reached out to you either.

You were sitting in Neurology, half-ass paying attention as the professor lectured about neuron pruning. Nanami sat a few rows over. He always appeared to he intently listening when you glance over at him. You perk up as you feel your phone buzz on your thigh.

Nanami: You’re not going to do well if you don’t pay attention.

Yn: I could say the same for you.

Nanami: Could you?

Yn: …. point taken

Nanami: You know, you could’ve at least texted me if you didn’t like the kiss.

Yn: Who said I didn’t?

Nanami: So, you disobey my request for fun?

Yn: Disobey is such a strong word. You told me to text you, and I just.. haven’t yet.

Nanami: We’ll come back to the disobedience topic. Why haven’t you texted me “yet”?

Yn: Nervous.

Nanami: You’re adorable. What’s there to be nervous about?

“Can anyone name an example of synaptic pruning?” The professor’s sudden loud voice catches you off guard. You hadn’t been paying attention at all, and you feel your heart start to race at the thought of being randomly called upon.

“Anyone?” The professor asks once again. “Yn-“ She almost says your first name before Nanami interrupts.

“Crown thinning.” He answers the question, saving you from total embarrassment.

“Very good. Thank you, Kento.” The professor praises as she turns back around to start lecturing from the powerpoint again.

Yn: You totally just saved me.

Nanami: Pay better attention.

Yn: Then stop texting me.

Nanami: No.

Nanami: Answer my question. Why were you nervous?

Yn: I just didn’t want to say the wrong things.

Nanami: You’re hopeless.

Yn: You’re starting to sound like Utahime :(

Nanami: Will you coo to me that you love me if I act like her?

You feel your heart start to race as you read his text over and over. He was way more observant than you gave him credit for. You couldn’t even think of a time where you told Uta that you loved her in front of him.

Yn: Is that what you want?

Nanami: That does sound nice. Though, I think I’d rather hear you breathlessly professing your love to me.

oh…

oh.

You sat your phone down. No way were you going to let some simple words over a screen let you get horny in class. You didn’t dare to glance in his direction as you suddenly decided to start paying attention and taking detailed notes on Neurology.

Nanami: You’re blushing again.

Damn him and his observant personality. Damn him and his filthy words that make you squeeze your thighs together to soothe the ache.

Yn: I’m well aware.

Nanami: It’s cute. Makes me want to say more things just to get a reaction out of you.

Yn: Please don’t

Nanami: Why? Scared you might like it?

Nanami: Scared you might like the thought of being beneath me, begging for more?

Jesus. There was no misinterpreting that. You tugged your bottom lip between your teeth as you stared down at your phone, rereading his message over and over. It painted a picture in your brain.

Yn: As if you could make me do that.

Nanami: I can, and I will. Come over tonight.

Yn: To the frat house?

Nanami: No, to my room. I’ll tell Haibara to not come back until late.

Yn: That seems rather rude.

Nanami: It’s far better than the treatment you’ll be receiving later.

Your head feels like it’s spinning as the professor dismisses class. The rest of the day drags by painfully slow as you feel every little heartbeat and flutter in your chest. Nanami talked big game for someone who seemed too shy to really speak to you. It made you feel intrigued. How could he be so confident in his ability to make you beg?

You took your time once you were back at your dorm: going through your everything-shower routine. You wanted to make sure that every inch of you was soft and smooth just in case! It’s not like he’s actually going to make you do anything.

Knocking on his door, you feel your stomach churn with anxiety. You two seemed to be doing better at keeping up a conversation, but you were still deathly afraid of that awkward silence sinking in.

The click of the lock gains your attention, and Nanami opens the door for you. “Come in.” He says flatly, moving out of the way of the door so you can squeeze past him. He’s wearing his usual button-up shirt with black slacks on. How does this man even relax?

Of course his room is completely clean. His bed was even made military style for crying out loud. What the fuck does this man know about making women beg?

“Your room is nice.” You compliment, trying not to sound too awkward.

“It’s a room.” He shrugs nonchalantly before his eyes travel your body.

“How did you tell Haibara not to come home?” You ask, and he gives you a slightly puzzled look.

“I told him the truth.” He says as he loosens his tie from around his neck.

You swallow harshly as you watch his slender fingers pull at the fabric. His jaw is perfectly sculpted along with his neck, and his adams apple bobs as he steps towards you.

“Which is?” You reluctantly ask.

“I told him not to come home unless he planned on watching me fuck a pretty girl to tears.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, and you stare up at him with almost a frightened gaze. His movement feels much more predatory now as if he’s been watching you for a while, sizing you up. He had observed and stood by, waiting for the prime opportunity to pounce.

“What is it? Cat got your tongue?” Nanami asks as he steps forward again. The back of your knees hits his bed, and his smile shifts to a lopsided grin.

“No. I just…” You had no idea what to even say to that! You weren’t use to a man so confidently bolstering about his skills without sounding like a total idiot. Nanami was a rarity. He could talk the talk and walk the walk.

“No. I just..” He mocks you. “You’re awfully nervous for someone I haven’t even touched yet.” His fingers gently caress over your collarbone, before he carefully nudged you back. You tipped over and found yourself sitting on his bed, looking up at him with big round eyes.

“Christ. Have you ever even done this before?” He asks as he leans over you. His hand press down on the mattress at both of your sides, effectively trapping you beneath him.

“Yes!” You exclaim with a huffy attitude that makes him chuckle. “Have you?” You ask, trying to even the score.

“No.” He responds before closing the distance between you two. His lips press against yours and move delicately. Your eyes widen before you realize what was going on, and you slowly melt into the kiss.

Lips smack together as he takes the lead on the kiss. His hands gently cup and caress their way down your body before resting upon your hips. His knee finds it’s way between your thighs, and he applies pressure to your core.

Stifling a small whine, you entangle your fingers through his blonde hair. It’s softer than you imagined it to be. His kisses are growing more and more demanding as he’s pushing you back onto the bed more and more.

He gently bites at your lip, and he applies more pressure with his knee. As soon as you let another another small whimper, he slips his tongue into your mouth.

He’s taking complete and utter advantage over your body while you’re still trying to wrap your head around the fact he said “no”. He’s claiming to have never done this before.

His thumbs dig into your hipbones before he makes you grind against his knee.

“That’s right. Use me.” He purrs lowly, encouraging for you to keep rolling your hips. Once you found a steady rhythm, rubbing yourself against his knee like a desperate slut, he releases your hips and grabs your wrists, pinning you down to the bed.

“Ken..” You gasp out lowly, and he immediately eats up your words, forcing his lips right back upon yours.

The grinding was slowly making you feel all dizzy in the head as you slowly start to mess up your rhythm. He immediately notices your messy state. His hands leave your wrists to grab back ahold of your thighs to make sure you don’t stop. If his slacks weren’t black, he was sure there would be a small damp spot on his leg from your delicious juices.

“Hah~” You gasp as you lean your head back.

“Does that feel good?” He questions lowly before carefully nipping at your neck.

“Yes… Yes, Kento.. more..”

“Oh, what was that, darling? I didn’t hear you.” He taunts as he bites his way down your neck.

“M-more!” You whimper out as you grow impatient.

“So greedy…” He murmurs before his sucks a small hickey on your neck all while he’s still making you grind your pitiful pussy against his thigh. “Beg.”

You feel that defiant nature wanting to kick in. You were needy for him, but you weren’t to the point of begging yet.

“Did you hear me? I said beg.” He demands as he forces you down on his leg harder. Your legs tremble around him as he’s making you rock hack and forth.

“Please-“ You finally choke out against your defiant nature. “I-I.. want more, please… I need you to.. to ruin me.”

“Ruin you, hm?” He asks as his hand carefully trails upwards to your neck. He applies just a bit of pressure. “A pretty girl like you asking for me to ruin her… How could I say no?”

He removes his leg from between your leg, and he quickly replaces it with his hand. His fingers rub firm circles around your clit through the cloth of your leggings. You immediately shudder from the new stimulation. You hold his gaze as he lightly chokes you.

“I think I want to see you come on my fingers first.” He says as he’s quick to shove your leggings and panties down. You gasp quietly as you look down at him. He shuffles himself down between your legs, and he has a determined look on his face. He was set on making you come with his hand.

You push your thighs together with a small whine as he gives your glistening cunt an amorous gaze. Nanami places his hands on both of your knees as he forces your legs back apart. “Now, you know why you came here. What are you running from?”

“I- … You’re looking at me like…” the words ‘like you want to eat me’ die upon your tongue. His aura is just so.. almost intimidating. Not in a scary way, just in a he’s-not-here-to-play way.

“You’re so pretty, but gods, you’re so confusing.” He shakes his head as he carefully drags his tongue up your slippery folds. “Just sit still and let me take care of you, darling.” He mumbles before he laps at your cunt again. He purses his lips and gently sucks on your clit. It almost feels like he’s making out with your pussy.

“Oh.. f-fuck..” You gasp as you lean your head back into his mattress. Your hands fist at the blanket beneath you, ruining his perfectly made bed.

Nanami continues to lick and suck. The sounds in the room were nothing short of erotic. The wet sounds of his lips and tongue smack and almost slurp at you. His hands hold your thighs up, practically wearing them as earmuffs as he eats you like a starved man.

His fingertip gently traced over your opening before he carefully slipped a finger in. He continued to lap at your cunt as his finger pumped in and out and prodded around.

“Oh my-! .. N-Nanami.. ah~” You pant out. In his eyes, your entire body was flushed. You were so subtly grinding yourself against his tongue. In his eyes, you were a goddess in touch with her sexuality and femininity. You just needed a small nudge to get there.

He adds a second finger, and he so carefully curls them upwards to gently press right on the spot that made you see stars.

Your hands abandoned the bed, and you grabbed onto his hair. His hazel eyes flutter up at you, and his glasses were pushed up onto his head.

Your orgasm was building quicker than it ever had before. “Nanami-! fuck, I’m gonna..” You try to warn, but he’s already a step ahead of you. His fingers start pumping a big more aggressively, and he’s pointed with his tongue, focusing all his attention on your clit. His tongue swirls in tight circles around the small bundle of nerves.

Your orgasm washes over you as you clench around his fingers, spasming on his face. He continues to thrust his fingers, letting you ride out your orgasm on his face and hand. Pressing a few more small kisses to your overly sensitive cunt, he slowly pulls away. “Good girl.” He praises lowly.

Your heart is pounding in your chest as you recover from the best orgasm you’ve ever received. Your eyes flutter open weakly to see Nanami ditch his glasses. He uses the back of his hand to wipe his mouth and chin dry.

He then places the fingers he so deliciously used to fuck you into his mouth, and he sucks them clean with a satisfied groan.

“You taste so sweet.” He mumbles as he slowly unbuttons his shirt. It falls to the floor as he starts to unbuckle his belt. You can already feel your arousal building up again as you see the absolute tent in his slacks. Of course the nerd was absolutely hung.

Without another word, his pants and boxers are on the ground. His dick stood hard at attention. It was too heavy to press all the way up towards his stomach. Speaking of stomach, he was absolutely fucking built. He had well-defined solid abs and a broad chest.

You watch carefully as he fists his length a few times. You admire the way the veins bulge from his hands and arms. He wastes no more time: climbing up on top of you. He guides your legs up onto his shoulders, and he leans forward, putting you in a mating press.

His hand suddenly covers your mouth. “Spit.” He orders bluntly.

“W-what-?”

“I didn’t stutter. Spit. Unless you want me to go in dry.”

The thought of that sounded like a nightmare, so you gathered as much saliva into your mouth as you could, and you spat into his hand.

He doesn’t look phased in the slightest as he lubes himself up with your spit. He lets out a soft breath as the wet sounds of him gliding his hand up and down his cock fill the room. He then wipes his hand off on the bed, and he covers your mouth tightly with his hand. “Try not to be too loud, darling. I don’t want anyone to come and bother us.”

He was so fucking confident that he was going to make you noisy. It almost pissed you off, but Nanami was a man of his word.

He aligned himself up with your entrance, and with one deep motion, he buried himself all the way to the hilt. You let out a silent scream into his hand, and your back arches up off the bed. His eyes darken as he lets out a guttural growl.

Your cunt was just too precious to him, squeezing him so perfectly. You were absolutely sopping wet and so goddamn warm. He actually had to bite his tongue to not come prematurely. Once he tasted the hint of metal in his mouth, the urge to finish subsided.

“Shhh, shh. Be a good girl. The pain will subside soon.” He assures you quietly as his hips gently rock back and forth shallowly.

“Mmmnnf~ K-kento!” You moan into his hand. He hates having to muffle your pretty noises, but he really can’t risk getting a noise complaint right now.

“That’s right, darling.. Take it..” His hips start to roll with a bit more conviction. His thrusts are slow but powerful. Each time he buried himself deep in you, you went all dizzy in the head.

“Oh fuck, you’re so pretty like this.” He praises as his other hand holds one of your thighs up for you. Your body is almost slack from how harsh his hips are snapping into you. His leaking tip was bruising your cervix with each brutal thrust.

Nanami wishes he could take a picture right now. Your eyes are all glossed over. Your face is flushed the prettiest shade of pink, and your lips are all puffy and slightly parted. Your babbling utter nonsense as your greedy pussy takes him in with each thrust.

“F-fuck..! So big.. can feel you right here~” You moan as you point towards your lower stomach.

Nanami looks to where you’re pointing, and as if this man needed anymore courage, he begins to fuck you harder.

Plap! Plap! Plap! Plap!

“Yeah? Y’feel me in your womb, darling?” He groans. Noise complaint can be damned. He lets your mouth go and grabs your hips as he continues to pound your pretty pussy.

Tears involuntarily spring into your eyes from the sheer intensity. When Nanami said he was going to fuck you to tears, you thought it was just a figure of speech. Nah, you were lying in his bed, crying because the dick was so good.

“Look at me.” He demands as he grabs your blushed cheek and forces you to look up at him. “This pussy’s mine from now on, understand me?”

“Y-yes!” You cry out to him. Your stomach starts to coil with white hot pleasure as your orgasm builds up again.

“Tell me you love me when you cum on my cock.” He demands lowly. You’re too fucked stupid to argue.

The bed squeaks and wails in agony as he his thrusts are growing more erratic and sloppy. You could feel him getting closer and closer to his release as he gets more vocal and noisier too.

Your eyes cross as you feel your body gyrate on him. Your second orgasm crashes over you so suddenly you didn’t even have time to warn him. Your soul nearly floats away from you as you feel warm juices flood out from you. “Fuck~.. I-.. I love you, Nanami!” You whimper out. In the heat of the moment, it does feel like love.

Such pure pretty words being uttered during such a lewd time. Nanami is instantly emptying himself into you. His dick throbs as he shoots ribbon after ribbon of cum inside of you. His hands are shaking as they hold onto your hips. “Ngh.. I love you, darling. Take it.. All of it. Don’t waste a drop.” He lowly growls.

The room is quiet as both of you pant softly. After a few moments, you realize you had professed a love to him that you weren’t even sure about. Yes, Nanami was attractive physically and mentally. Sure, he was apparently a god in bed, but love???

What if he wasn’t even being serious when he told you to say that? He probably didn’t even mean it when he said it back. What if you made things weird? Is that why he’s being so silent?

Nanami leans down and presses a small kiss to your forehead. “That was intense. Are you alright, darling?” He asks affectionately.

You nod weakly, not wanting to frustrate him with your insecure thinking style.

“Are you sure? I’m not only talking about physically.” He murmurs softly as he slowly allows for your thighs to slip down to around his hips. His hand carefully strokes your cheek.

“I told you I love you..” You murmur out quietly, avoiding his gaze.

He exhales softly in amusement. “You did do that. It was very sexy. Do you regret saying it?”

“I.. I don’t know.” You confess quietly. “You said it back too…”

“I did. Seeing your body in such a vulnerable state as you were trusting me with your very essence made me feel full with love.”

You look up at him as he just said the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard.

“I don’t think I regret it.”

“I’m glad. I don’t regret it either.” He smiles and presses another small kiss to your temple.

*** *** ***

“Was that really your first time?” You giggle as the hot water coats your body. Nanami’s fingers are attentively massaging shampoo into your scalp.

“It really was.” He laughs quietly. “Why is it so hard to believe.”

“You were too good for a virgin.”

“I’m glad my darling thinks so.” He smiles and carefully leans your head back, so the water can rinse the shampoo from your hair.

“Where did you even learn that stuff from?” You ask curiously, wondering if Nanami just had a secret raging porn addiction.

“I have the horniest friend group. They don’t understand the concept of too much information.”

Ah. That makes sense.

tags: @lemonlimecrystal-blog

[todorosie]

ERROR ERROR !! uh oh… looks like you’ve been playing too much boyfriend simulator. the game won’t let you quit! for kinktober 2024 you’ll have to play through different character paths to try and fuck fight your way to the credits. otherwise, you’ll be stuck in the game forever. what a nightmare!

here’s a taglist so that you can come back later. let’s get started on a new save file! … how many endings are there again?

content warning. each day will have the appropriate tags for any triggers as well as a brief description of what is to come. please make sure to read those! xoxo sorin.

OCTOBER 1ST — gojo satoru + voyeurism

the best friend path has exactly what the name suggests. this character has been friends with the protagonist since early childhood and has been secretly in love with them for years. honestly? he’s super easy to romance. but if you tease him for too long, he’ll grow impatient…

cw. masturbation, dubcon, riding, creampie, pining, possessive.

OCTOBER 5TH — geto suguru + dacryphilia

the player path has a saccharine sweet character who is charming and charismatic. he is kind and flirty with the protagonist, but it quickly becomes clear that he treats other people in the same way. romancing him is already difficult, but to get his secret ending you have to ignore all his red flags and trigger a confrontation scene. maybe some tears will help get the ball rolling…

cw. toxic relationship, tears, manipulation, mating press, arguing.

OCTOBER 10TH — fem!toji x sukuna + threesome

the tsundere path has the character that everyone loves in otome games and hates in real life. she is hostile towards the protagonist if they romance her boyfriend, telling them to leave him alone and often becoming increasingly insulting when they refuse. apparently there’s a secret route where you can romance her, too. according to the online guide, you have to go to the locker rooms at 5pm to catch them together…

cw. gender swap, degradation, fingering, nipple play, spanking.

OCTOBER 15TH — nanami kento x risky sex/food play

the introvert path has a love interest that is very stoic and can’t be expected to initiate a conversation, but will talk with the protagonist if they insist. some consider him boring but he’s very kind and often in his own head. it’s easy to catch him off guard by cornering him in the common room. right in time for lunch, too…

cw. public sex, almost caught, against the wall, teasing, praise.

OCTOBER 25TH — xavier x teacher/student + power play

the pathetic professor path is, to be blunt, very pathetic. the guy constantly struggles to look you in the eyes even during lectures. according to the wikipedia page, boyfriend simulator got into a lot of hot water for this romance route back in the early 2010s. thankfully, you aren’t afraid of a little taboo. besides, who really holds the power here?

cw. mommy kink, ass eating, blackmail, whining, he’s such a loser.

OCT 30TH + OCT 31ST — CHOOSE YOUR OWN PATH !

congrats! you’ve gone through the most prominent love interests in the game, it’s time to say goodbye to boyfriend simulator forever! based on your game choices did you get

THE GOOD ENDING or THE BAD ENDING

[pretentious-blonde]

insecurity

pairing: steve harrington x reader

summary: after you become closer to a certain metalhead, steve can't stop the insecurities that stem from his previous relationship. when it all becomes too much, you are left to deal with his outrage.

warnings: arguments, angst, steve is mean, panic attack (fluff ending ofc)

a/n: idk, this was supposed to be short and sweet but i got carried away!

The bell above you jingled as you entered Family Video, stopping briefly to glance around the shop for a certain brown-haired boy who had managed to capture your heart a little over six months ago. It didn’t take long to spot him, a grin plastered on his face as he stood behind the counter. With crossed arms, leaning his hip against the wooden edge, nodding along half-heartedly to whatever Robin was saying. She sat cross-legged on the desk, arms moving wildly as she spoke, her face lighting up as she noticed your presence. 

“There she is! Finally, I can’t tolerate this man for much longer,” she says with a huff, kicking her feet off the counter and pointing at Steve who was clearly not as into the conversation as she was. His attention hasn’t strayed from you since you came in. “Your turn.”

“Lucky for you,” he begins, briefly glancing in Robin’s direction, pointing back towards her as you rounded the corner to emphasise his point. “She tolerates me for hours.”

He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek as you leaned into him, whispering a hello before smirking in Robin’s direction. “I’d say it’s more than tolerating,” you add.

Steve has a smug look on his face at your comment, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer. You can feel the warmth he radiates through his jumper, his fingers finding your jaw to tilt your head up to meet his eyes. 

The moment between you both was swiftly interrupted by a loud gagging noise. “Okay. I’m third-wheeling. Gross.” Robin stated as she hopped off her makeshift throne with a huff.

You roll your eyes, still trapped in Steve’s embrace, not ready to let go just yet. “You sure you’re not just jealous Rob?”

“Pssh,” she scoffs as she throws a VHS tape from one hand to the other. “Sure. If I wanted someone who can’t alphabetise for shit, then yes. I’d be all over Harrington.”

“Ouch,” Steve pipes up from your side. “Also I don’t want to hear anything from you after what you did to the returns bin. It’s chaos.”

“Organised chaos, maybe,” she replies as she points the VHS directly at Steve. “My system is far superior.”

You glance over at your boyfriend, a look of disbelief at her previous statement, he was about to interrupt but Robin quickly changed the subject. “I thought you were supposed to come by here yesterday? Or was I making that up?”

“Oh, I was. But Dustin asked me last minute if I was free,” you tell her. “He introduced to to his friend—Eddie? I think he mentioned him before. We all hung out for a bit.”

The words slip out of your mouth naturally and a small smile graces your lips as you remember the day before. What you don’t notice is the way Steve stiffens beside you. His hand, which was fitted perfectly against your shoulder, tensed slightly. Unbeknownst to you. 

“Eddie?” He asks, forcing his voice to stay light and cheerful. He wouldn’t dream of dampening your bright mood. Not when you had gone out of your way to drop by and see him. Although, that fact did nothing to stop the unsettling feeling in his stomach. 

You nod enthusiastically as he pays you his full attention, admiring the way your hair bounces along with your movements. It briefly distracts him from overthinking, that is, until you open your pretty mouth again. “Yeah, you know Dustin—he’s always finding new people to drag into his D&D world. Eddie’s super into it, too.”

His jaw tightens, his smile falters and he hopes to god you don’t notice, masking it with a casual nod. Eddie Munson, he thinks and cannot help the bitterness he feels. Of course, he remembers the metal head from high school, Dustin had been mentioning him more too. He never cared about popularity, the social hierarchy. Just… did his own thing. No matter what others thought of him. 

Steve was all Ralph Lauren polos and Members Only jackets, tender smiles and sickly sweet kisses. Eddie was band patches and ripped jeans, unapologetic and confident. Not like Steve at all. The total opposite in fact.

He glances at you in the corner of his eye, then quickly back to the counter, the knot in his chest growing tighter. He knew, he knew, he was reading too much into it, but he just couldn’t stop himself. Especially after Nancy broke his heart. It was only when he met you that it began to heal again. 

Is that what you’re into? The carefree, rebellious type? While Steve has spent his entire high school career trying to fit the mold, Eddie has smashed it. And what did he have to show for it? A washed-up ex-popular kid working at a video store? Not a lot, clearly.

“So… what did you guys get up to?” He asks, fiddling with the pen on the desk, trying to act as indifferent as possible. 

“Not much. Just hung out, talked about D&D for a bit,” you reply with a shrug. “Dustin thinks he is some kind of genius when it comes to that game.”

Robin chimes into the conversation, unaware of the tension radiating from the brunette next to you. “Well, if you’re into D&D Eddie is the go-to around here,” she tells you. “It sounds like you’re his next recruit.”

Steve’s laugh is forced this time, and you notice it, a small frown appearing on your face. He curses himself internally, quickly leaning over to place a kiss on the side of your head, a reassuring gesture for the both of you. “Sounds fun,” he says softly. “Maybe next time I could tag along.”

Just so he can see what Eddie’s intentions are, see if he is testing his luck with you. He has already lost one girlfriend to another guy so it seemed like a normal thing to investigate. Nothing weird about that… right?

You laugh and shake your head, patting his broad chest playfully. “Trust me, Steve, you don’t have to do that. D&D is certainly not your thing.”

He deflated at your statement, even though it was definitely true. He lets out a chuckle to ease the insecurity he is feeling. “Yeah, I’ll leave the nerd stuff to Dustin and Eddie,” he says, trying to play it off as nothing serious. 

You see the sad look that penetrates his features, mistaking it for him just feeling left out. You grab his hand and give it a small squeeze. “Am I still alright to come over to your tomorrow? Evening sound good?” You ask, hoping he could see how much you still wanted to spend time with him, despite your new friend.

“Of course, angel,” he replies, completely melting at the soft tone of your voice, looking up at him with those gentle eyes of yours. You could probably make him do anything with that expression on your face. He can’t resist stealing another kiss from you when you look like that. You smile up at him as he reluctantly pulls away. 

“Okay, great!” You wave as you make your way to the door, bell ringing as you open it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He watches you leave until you are no longer visible, the tightness in his stomach easing ever so slightly at the thought of having you all to himself tomorrow. Just him. His girl. 

As soon as he turns around, Robin is smirking directly at him, arms crossed across her chest. “So, what’s the deal with Eddie?” She asks, her tone teasing. “You gonna join Hellfire now?”

Steve rolls his eyes at her, already dreading the incoming round of quips. “Hell no, I’m not touching that stuff.”

“Aw, c’mon Steve. I think you would make a great dungeon master,” she doesn’t even bother trying to hide the laugh that is bubbling in her throat. “You certainly are dramatic enough for it, you know? ‘King Steve’ and all that.”

“Yeah right,” he mutters, growing more irritated by the second. He usually had all the time in the world for her jabs, but currently? The tapes in his hands were the most interesting thing in the world to him as he tried to brush her off. “I’m retired from the whole ‘king’ thing, remember?”

She grins as she leans across the wooden counter, standing on her tiptoes to get closer to him. “True, true. But at least we know Eddie is pretty chill now, we don’t just have to take Dustin’s word for it.”

There it is, that name again—Eddie. He says nothing as he grabs more tapes off the side. Not that it served any purpose, just anything to keep his hands busy and mind preoccupied. 

“I mean, I have never really spoken to him,” she continued as she paced the shop floor, stopping only to place another VHS in her ‘newly organised’ returns section. “But he’s got that whole ‘rebel without a cause’ thing going on. You know? It’s pretty admirable.”

Yeah, I know, Steve thinks sourly. That’s precisely the problem. He does know. The free spirit who never once cared about fitting in, or pleasing anyone, and now here he was—Dustin’s new best friend and the subsequent new guy in your life. 

“Yeah, well,” Steve forces out another fake laugh, just as badly hidden as the first. “Good for him.”

Robin turns to face him directly, noticing the strain in his voice. “You’re not… jealous, are you?”

Her question catches him off guard, fumbling with the tape in his hand and nearly dropping it. “What? No. Why would I be jealous of Eddie Munson?”

“Alright, alright, no need to get defensive,” she holds her hands up in surrender, her eyes still trained on him. “It’s just… I don’t know. You’re acting weird?”

He didn’t respond right away, focusing on a blank point between two VHS tapes in front of him, he repeated the question in his mind. Weird? He wasn’t being weird. Was he?

Shrugging his shoulders casually, he glances at the clock, suddenly wishing for the small arms to go faster so he could see you again—just the two of you. No Eddie. No distractions. Just you and him alone. Maybe then he could stop himself from spiralling. He couldn’t get the thought out of his mind for the rest of his shift, not when he had seen this story play out once before, with him ending up on the losing side. 

Laughter filled the cramped space of Eddie’s trailer. Dustin had invited you over here a few hours earlier and now here you were, doubled over on his couch, clutching at your sides as Eddie continues his ridiculous story. “And then—then he turned around and slammed right into the closet door! Swear to God, I thought he was gonna be out cold!” He finished, completely in stitches at his own tale. 

Dustin was practically rolling on the floor at this point, teeth on full show as he tried to get his words out cohesively. “How did you find these people, Eddie?!” He gasped between his giggles. 

You were wiping away the tears from your eyes, way past the point of caring if your makeup was smudged. As you came back to reality, you glanced over at the clock, freezing completely as you registered the time. 

“Oh, shit,” you muttered, your stomach dropping. “Guys, I gotta go. Like—like right now.”

You immediately leapt up off the worn-out couch, grabbing your jacket in a hurry and shoving your feet into your shoes. You had about ten minutes to be at Steve’s front door and had completely lost track of the time. “He’s gonna kill me,” you mumbled under your breath as you reached for your bag. Even though it wasn’t true, it was more likely he would be moping around the living room, glancing at the front door every couple of minutes awaiting your arrival. Just sad that he couldn’t get to spend more time with you. Steve didn’t get angry with you. Ever. 

Eddie raised an eyebrow, his form still draped across the couch. “What’s the rush princess? Hot date with Steve?”

You briefly glanced over in his direction, looking increasingly flustered. “Well, yeah,” you admitted. “I was supposed to be there, uh, now.”

Before you could bolt out the door, you heard a groan coming from across the room. “Don’t sweat it, I’ll drive you.” Eddie rose from his seat and grabbed his keys from the coffee table in front of him, twirling them around his finger. “No way I’m letting you bike all the way there.”

You blinked in surprise at his offer. “Really? Are you sure? You honestly don’t have to—“

Eddie waved his hand in your direction, ignoring your concern. “It’s no problem. Besides, I’m not gonna be responsible for you showing up at Steve’s all sweaty and out of breath. The guy would kill me,” He shot a teasing grin in your direction as he headed to the door, holding it open as both you and Dustin ducked under his arm, heading straight for his van. 

The journey was easy, with Eddie being a surprisingly safe driver, music as loud as his personality. In between the heavy guitar riffs that thumped through the radio, he turned to you with a mischievous expression. “So… you and Steve, huh?”

You felt the blush rise to your cheeks at his comment, not getting a chance to respond as he continued. “I just meant you’re good together, you know? I never really saw him as the ‘settle down with a girlfriend’ type. But hey, they say love changes a person.”

You drew your gaze away from the passing trees, unable to hold the smile that had spread across your face. “Yeah, he’s—he’s really great,” you admitted softly. You could barely put into words how great he was without gushing, so that small line would have to do for now. If Eddie only saw how Steve treated you, both in public and private, all his questions would certainly be answered. 

Steve may not have had the same chaotic energy as Eddie or Dustin, but that didn’t matter one bit. Steve was… solid. Reliable. He made you feel safe. Made you feel cherished. 

The long-haired boy next to you shrugged, his tone still kind. “Hey, if Dustin likes him, well that’s saying something. The kid is picky when it comes to his friends.”

Dustin, now making his presence known from the back seat, spoke up. “Damn right!” 

As Eddie pulled up in front of the large house, he leaned over the centre controls, giving you a playful nudge. “Don’t keep him waiting any longer. I bet he is pacing a hole in the floor.”

You playfully glare at him as you pop the door open. “He’s not that bad.”

“Sure,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “Well, tell him Dustin and I said hey.”

“Will do,” you replied as you hopped out of the van. You waved at the two of them as they began to drive away, heavy metal music blaring as they faded into the distance. Your smile from Eddie’s previous comment was still lingering on your lips as you bounded up to the front door, excitedly ringing the bell. 

What you didn’t see was Steve had witnessed the entire interaction from his window—your expression as you laughed with Eddie and Dustin, how you looked so at ease and comfortable around them. You hadn’t even known them for that long. The sight twisted something ugly up inside of him, insecurities that were larger than he knew. He didn’t know how to handle them, the thought of being left behind. 

The door swung open after a few moments, and there stood your Steve, leaning casually against the door frame as he looked you up and down. God, he was whipped. “Hey, there you are,” he said with that classic, easy, Steve smile, relief washing over him the second he laid eyes on you. 

You took a step forward, eager to close the distance between the two of you as you wrapped your arms around his waist “Sorry I’m late.”

He chucked as he returned your embrace, sturdy arms enveloping you. “No worries, I’m always happy to wait.” 

The statement was true. Way too true, and that fact started to scare him.

You leaned up to press your lips against his, he was soft, familiar, and for a second, it felt like everything was perfect. He held the door open for you to step inside, the scent of his earthy cologne filled your senses. 

He followed you into the living room, watching you kick off your shoes, holding his arm out just in case you toppled over. He had made that mistake only once in the past, the bruise on your leg was huge. You’re clumsy nature may have been endearing, but he’ll be damned if you hurt yourself on his watch.  

“You didn’t ride your bike?” He asked, subtly trying to figure out exactly why you had gotten out of the familiar van. 

“I was lucky Eddie offered me a lift. I kind of lost track of time,” you said nonchalantly, kicking your shoes into the corner. 

His posture stiffened for the briefest moment at your confirmation. Honestly, he had hoped that what he saw five minutes earlier was just a figment of his imagination. “Oh, cool,” he forced himself to keep his tone light. “That was nice of him.”

You didn’t notice how fake the plastered smile on his face was as you settled onto the couch, already making yourself at home as you reached for the throw blanket. “So, what’s the plan for tonight hm? Movies? Snacks? Oh, did you order pizza?” You rambled, getting more excited with each question. It put his mind at ease a little bit to see you this giddy with excitement. If he let himself believe that he was the cause, maybe he could stop worrying. 

He beamed and moved to join you, resting his head against the pillows as he glanced down at your pure expression. “All of the above, sweetheart. But we are not repeating what you told me a few weeks ago that eating leftover pizza for breakfast was ‘nutritionally balanced’.”

You giggled as you unfurled the blanket, taking extra care to make sure he was fully covered. “It is balanced! Carbs, protein, maybe a vegetable if there’s a stray pepper.”

“Right,” Steve smirked as he drew out the word, trying to get on board with your reasoning. Reaching over for the remote to turn the movie on. 

As the credits for the cheesy rom-com rolled across the screen, you stretched your stiff body out.  You untucked yourself from his side, resulting in a frown from Steve, not quite ready to let you go yet. 

“I still don’t get why we always watch these,” you speak over the ending soundtrack. “All the girl ever does is swoon over the guy, ignoring all the red flags until it’s too late.”

He rests his arm on the back of the couch, placing his chin on top of it to give you his full attention. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for a happy ending.”

You roll your eyes and nudge his foot with your own. “Such a romantic.”

Steve blushes before turning away, giving you a casual shrug. “I just like them. Who knows, I could always start serenading you under your window, the whole nine yards.”

“Serenade, huh?” You chuckle, angling your head to lean against his arm. “Do you even know how to play an instrument?”

He drew his face towards you, scrunching his nose in your direction. “I can learn. Get some guitar lessons.”

Maybe you like guitar. Eddie plays the guitar. 

You giggle at the mental image of Steve strumming clumsily, tongue poking out in concentration, getting frustrated with the sheet music that would be scattered around him. “Oh, I’d pay to see that.”

He runs his hand through your hair, admiring your soft features illuminated by only the TV screen. “You wouldn’t have to pay. If you wanted it, I’d do it for free.”

He meant every word. If it kept you in his life, he would practise until his fingers bled. 

“Has anyone told you how much of a sap you are?” You ask, but it lacks its usual teasing. 

“Yeah, but I’m your sap,” he replies, words overflowing with tenderness. 

You look at him closely. Really look at him. His loving smile falters slightly under your gaze, eyes flickering downwards to hide his expression more. 

Shifting towards him, you lay a hand across his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart quicken at your touch. “What’s wrong?”

Steve blinks, another smile forced, not quite reaching his eyes. God, why did you have to ask it like that? In a sweet tone, filled with concern. He thought he was good at lying. All those secret parties he held in his parent’s absence, brushing off their questions about various missing decorations that most likely had been broken. Nobody noticed when his heart was broken a few years back. When he could hardly drag himself to work. But somehow, you could pick him apart easily. 

“Nothing,” he lies, trying to brush you off. “Just…thinking.”

“About what?”

He sighs, his fingers tracing an aimless pattern on your shoulder as he avoids looking at you. “Just…us, I guess. Wondering if I’m actually good at this whole ‘boyfriend’ thing or if you’re just humouring me.”

The confession made him feel exposed. He regretted saying anything at all. 

You frown at his admission, “What? Why would you think that?” You can’t hide the shock from your voice. This is the same boy who kept your favourite tea stocked in his cupboard, the same boy who built your entire bookcase when you mentioned you were struggling with the instructions, the same boy who even phoned the doctor’s office for you when you were too scared to talk to the receptionist.  

He ticked every box and more, your heart broke for how he felt. 

“I don’t know…Sometimes I wonder if I’m gonna screw this up. Like, if I’m just temporary.” His eyes are still glued to his lap, unable to look away. If only he didn’t have this much baggage. 

You furrow your brows, reaching up to cup his cheek, tilting his head so he’s forced to meet your eyes. “Steve, you’re not temporary. Okay? You’re not some placeholder to me.”

He leans into your touch, his hand covering yours for a moment. But even though he smiles softly at your words, the doubt still lingers in his eyes.

“I guess we’ll see,” he murmurs, the vulnerability heavy in his voice.

You sigh, realising this is a result of something more going on, but you still give him a gentle look. You have no problem reassuring him. You could tell him one hundred times how cherished he is without complaint. As many times as it took to make the message stick. If that’s what it took, you would gladly do it. 

Steve was buzzing as soon as he got off the phone with Kieth. His presence at the video store was not required today, and he had been planning how to surprise you all morning. Acting as giddy as a high schooler. He hadn’t had the chance to see you since you last hung out at his place and he really wanted to do something sweet. Not out of the lingering insecurity he was feeling, but he wanted to see you happy. Especially when it was because of him. 

He tried to go the extra mile today, waking up early and driving to the nice florist on the other side of town, just to make sure he got the freshest flowers. A little effort from him means a big smile from you—totally worth it in his book. The bouquet was huge, it sat in your usual place, in the passenger seat. He specifically chose your favourite colour as the wrapping paper, and the bow that secured it too. Smiling to himself as he pictured your reaction. 

Climbing the steps to your little apartment, something you were so excited to finally be able to afford with your job, his heart beat with anticipation. He easily fished out the spare key you had given him, smiling as the tiny keychain dangled from it—a tiny VHS tape you had been so proud to find at the flea market, insisting on putting it on yourself because it ‘needed some flair’. It was a thoughtful gesture, it made him feel warm whenever he saw it. 

Holding his breath to not make any noise, he unlocked your door and gently pushed it open, careful not to startle you. His eyes immediately landed on the couch—and his whole world froze. 

There, sprawled out on the couch, was none other than Eddie Munson. Looking the same as he always did, completely relaxed In his worn Metalica t-shirt and scuffed trainers. 

The worst part wasn’t just him. It was you. Your head resting in his lap, and Eddie was absently playing with a strand of your hair. He glanced up at Steve’s entrance and immediately put a finger to his lips, signalling Steve to stay quiet. His blood boiled at the gesture. 

“Shh,” Eddie whispered, gesturing to you. “She’s asleep.”

He was glued to the spot. What the fuck is he doing here?

Eddie carefully lifted your head off his legs, swapping himself out for a pillow, taking extra care not to rouse you. 

“Hey, man,” he greeted casually as he stood, stretching out his arms like this wasn’t the single most infuriating sight Steve had ever seen. “We were just hanging out, watching some trash TV. She was out like a light.”

His voice was still a whisper as he explained what happened, trying to add some humour to the situation. “Probably for the best, I mean. I can watch crappy shit all day, but even this was painful to sit through. No big deal.”

Steve’s jaw clenched. Hard. His grip on the flowers tightened until he could feel a few give way under the pressure. No big deal? You’ve got to be kidding me. He felt a surge of possessiveness course through him, igniting an anger he believed was dormant. His mind began to race, everything he had been trying to ignore had bubbled straight back up to the surface like a ticking time bomb. She is that comfortable to fall asleep on him?!

Eddie, completely oblivious to Steve’s thinly veiled fury, patted him on the shoulder. “Sorry, but I gotta be heading myself. Wayne’ll be wondering where I’ve been.” He said, giving him a small smile as if this was a totally normal situation for the two of you. “Take care, man.” With that, Eddie slipped past him, closing the door silently as he exited. 

The apartment felt eerily quiet as Steve just stood there, staring at the door, trying to wrap his head around what the hell just happened. Unbelievable. He rediverted his attention back to you, still soundly asleep on the couch, completely unaware of the storm brewing inside of him. He crossed the room slowly, as if on autopilot, mind a nasty mix of anger and jealousy. You fell asleep on Eddie. Eddie, of all people. How long were you two just... sitting there like that?

He took a seat in the armchair opposite, memories of the two of you trying to squeeze onto it now bitterly replaying in his mind. The flowers were still clutched in his hand, forgotten in his flood of emotions.

He didn’t want to acknowledge what he had just walked in on. His heart beat painfully in his chest. This is how it starts, right? He thought bitterly. Starts all innocent like this. I’ve seen this before. I’ve lived this before. His mind flashed back to that goddamn Halloween party, to the nights he thought things were fine, only to realise too late that he had been left behind—again.

Steve exhaled sharply, frustration gnawing at him. It’s happening. It’s fucking happening again. He was always second best. His parents, Nancy, Dustin, you. 

He glanced down at the flowers in his hand, the stems crushed from his tense grip. They were supposed to be part of a sweet surprise, a way to make you smile, but now... now they just felt like a cruel joke. With him being the punchline. As per usual.

He set them down on the coffee table and leaned backwards, his gaze locked on your peaceful sleeping form, his mind a mess. His foot tapped impatiently against the floor. He was fuming—so mad he could barely think straight.

The room was in complete silence as you began to stir awake, reaching your arms above your head lazily. You blinked a few times as you returned to reality, the soft haze of sleep still lingering. You heard your back pop and you groaned at the sensation, falling asleep on the couch had been a terrible idea. 

You let out a brief yawn and look around for Eddie, but instead, your eyes land on your boyfriend. He sat across from you, arms crossed tensely, his expression neutral. He wasn’t smiling, which was odd for him. In fact, he looked angry. 

“When did you get here?” Your forehead crinkled in confusion, voice still raspy with sleep as you asked. “Where did Eddie go?”

Steve shifted in the chair, leaning back and spreading his legs further apart. “Eddie left a while ago,” he snapped, his tone was sharp and clipped. “I got the day off work.”

“Oh, I didn’t know,” your brain still trying to piece the information together. “You should have called.”

He scoffed as he shook his head, a lock of brown hair escaping to rest against his forehead. “Yeah, well. I wasn’t aware you had other plans.”

You sat up straighter on the couch, trying to ignore the knot forming in your stomach. His tone—he never spoke to you like that. It sounded frustrated, irritated. Like you had done something wrong. You wracked your brain trying to think of anything that would have upset him, eventually coming up short. Eddie’s presence here didn’t even pass through your mind, there is no way Steve would be that possessive. Could he?

“Steve…what’s wrong?” You asked cautiously, concern creeping into your voice. “Why are you mad?”

His brown eyes darkened, his face twisting with an expression you had never seen before. All the insecurity he had been feeling, all the unresolved emotions, came crashing to the surface in a wave of anger. It was frightening. He was frightening you. 

“You wanna know what’s wrong?” He barked out a laugh, one that was filled with no humour. “I come over here, thinking I’m gonna surprise my girlfriend. But instead? I find her asleep on the town freak.”

Your heart sank. He spat the words out as if they tasted vile on his tongue. You never knew that he could be this vicious, the foul name that just spewed from his lips made your throat tighten. “Steve, that’s not—”

“Don’t,” he cut you off, his voice bitter as he continued. “You think I’m stupid? Like I don’t see what’s going on here? You and Eddie. He’s always around, and suddenly, you’re all buddy-buddy with him, falling asleep on his lap like it’s no big deal. I mean—Jesus, sweetheart—how dense do you think I am?”

“Steve, it wasn’t like that,” your voice broke as you struggled to speak. The nickname that had always been filled with such love was now venomous, you struggled to understand what was happening. Why he wasn’t listening? Why wasn’t he trusting you?

“We were just hanging out, watching TV—“

“Oh yeah? Just watching TV? Sure,” Steve spat, getting up to start pacing, the adrenaline coursing through his body was too much. His mind was racing, old memories resurfacing, ones that he would rather not think about only helped fuel his rage. He turned back to you, eyes wild with fury.

“Moved on pretty quick, huh?” He ran a hand over his face, voice dripping with resentment. “I mean, I gotta hand it to you, honey. But you could have tried a little harder before the secret spilt out eventually.”

Tears formed in your waterline as you tried your best not to let them fall. “How could you say that?” You took in a shaky breath. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Oh, don’t do that,” he pointed a finger at you. “Don’t act all innocent here. I’ve seen this shit before, okay? Little things that aren’t that little. Don’t play dumb, it’s embarrassing.”

“I’m not!” You protested, not caring about the tears that now flowed freely down your cheeks. “I love you, Steve. Please. Eddie is just a friend.”

He rolled his eyes, your pleading falling on deaf ears. “Yeah, ‘just a friend’,” he muttered hostilely. “Sure.”

His words cut deep, and you felt yourself crumble under the weight of them. You began to panic as you realised there was no way out of this. Not when he was so dead set on believing what he wanted. You could only stare back at him in disbelief, heart breaking at how trivial this argument is. 

“I thought you left this high school crap behind you,” you whispered, scared and unsure of how he would react. 

“Yeah, well, some things never change.” He shot back, his tongue still as fast as it had been back then. He mentioned how he was in school a few times in the past, but now you could really see it. The petty boy who would say anything in the heat of the moment. The boy who could pick the thing that would hurt the most. 

The room fell into a heavy silence, staring at one another, the distance between you growing more and more with each passing second. You could barely recognise the man standing only a few feet away. You wanted to reach out to him, plead with him to just stop. Go back to being Steve. Your Steve. 

“I can’t believe what you’re saying,” you managed to choke out, wiping at your eyes with the sleeves of your jumper. “You’re hurting me.”

Steve hesitated for a moment, a brief flash of guilt flickered across his face at the sight of your tears. His beautiful girl was torn apart by what he was insinuating. But he was too far gone. His misplaced anger was the only thing he could feel right now, pushing him further. “Yeah well, now you know how that feels.”

A sob wracked through your body, his statement feeling like a dagger to your chest. He made his way towards the door to leave, his gaze landed on the stack of VHS tapes by the TV. He knew he should walk away, but a petty bitterness surged through him. He could never resist getting one final jab in. 

“Make sure you return those by the weekend. Late fees now apply, sweetheart.” He sneered, lips turning into a snarl. 

With that, he tossed the flowers he’d brought for you onto the table, the delicate petals now scattered across it. You stared at them, your vision blurred by your tears as Steve stormed out of your apartment. He slammed the door sharply as he left, making you flinch. 

As soon as he was gone, you collapsed onto the couch, finally allowing yourself to cry uncontrollably. You didn’t understand how everything had spiralled so fast. How the man who was so sweet, so kind, had turned into this.

On the other side of the door, Steve’s heart was racing, pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears. He leaned against the wall for a moment and shut his eyes, trying to get his breathing under control as the rage he felt dissipated. 

He wouldn’t allow himself to feel guilty, not over this. He didn’t jump to conclusions, not when the signs were so clear to him. 

He stumbled down the stairs and got into his car, foot pressing down hard on the accelerator as he drove away. Each mile felt heavier than the last. He couldn’t allow himself to question what he had said, besides, it was too late to take it all back now. What he couldn’t answer was why he felt so much more empty as he pulled up to his house. Alone. 

Steve pushed open the door to Family Video, the small bell above him chiming as he trudged inside. It felt like it was mocking him, only adding to his sour mood. He was fifteen minutes late, something that never went unnoticed by Robin.

His eyes looked and felt drained, dark circles framing his eyes from his obvious lack of sleep. The night before had been hell. All he had done was toss and turn, replaying the argument with you over and over again in his head until he was sick of it. His chest ached from all the emotions that were still swirling inside of him. Anger, sadness, and a terrifying amount of regret that he wasn’t sure what to do with. 

Robin was at the counter, tapping away at the computer when she saw him walk in. Her face lit up, clearly excited to spill something. “There you are! You won’t believe what I’m about to tell you. I saw Vicky at the movies yesterday and—“

“Rob, I’m really not in the mood today.” He interrupted her, rubbing a hand over his brows. 

The girl froze, her face contorting with confusion. Usually, Steve lived for gossip like this. In fact, he almost always begged for it.

“Wait…what? You were off yesterday. Shouldn’t you be, like, all refreshed or something? What, did you party too hard without me?”

He shot her a glare, making it crystal clear that something was wrong. Of course, being ever curious, Robin was not going to let this slide. 

“Oh, no. Spill it, Harrington.” She began, leaving the computer to follow his quick steps. “You come in late, looking like shit, and now you’re all moody? Did something happen yesterday?”

Steve sighed, running a hand through his messy hair he hadn’t even bothered to brush. Not willing to humour her at all today. “Robin, please—”

“Please what? I’m not gonna stop asking. C’mon, let it out. I’m all ears. I’ll even sit down for this one.” She says dramatically as she hops up onto the counter, crossing her legs, glancing at him expectantly as if she had all the time in the world. 

Steve groaned loudly. “Fine, fine. You want to know what happened?” He said, exasperated.  “I walked in yesterday, excited to surprise my girl, and guess what I saw? Eddie. Like, she had her head in his lap and everything. They were all over each other. It was disgusting.”

Robin scrunched her eyebrows as she processed his words. “Eddie? The Eddie Munson?” She squinted, looking even more confused. “Are we talking about the same Eddie here? The one who’s completely obsessed with Chrissy Cunningham? I mean, he’s had it bad for her for years. That Eddie?”

“What? Chrissy?” Steve frowned, pausing as her words sank in. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Robin tilted her head at him like he was an idiot. Which she would say was most of the time. “Uh, yeah? He’s been pining after her for, like, ever. He never had the guts to ask her out. Everyone knows that.”

She carried on talking as if this was common knowledge, which maybe it was. The knowledge was just not that common to Steve, apparently. “So Eddie’s into your girl now? Are you sure about that?”

He felt his stomach drop, trying to ignore the rising panic in his chest. “I mean… yeah. Pretty sure? He was, like, touching her and they were—“ He stopped halfway through his sentence, doubt now taking over. 

Was that really all he saw? Surely not. He couldn’t have gotten so mad about just that, there had to be more. Only, nothing really came to mind. 

Robin raises an eyebrow. “Touching her, huh? And that exactly happened? No skipping details.”

Steve scratched the back of his head as he tried to recall the events from the evening prior, his anxiety continued to grow as he spoke. “I saw him drop her off at my place the other day. She got out of his van, and they looked all… close. Then, when I went to her apartment earlier, I walk in, and there she is, asleep across his lap.”

Robin took a second to process what he was saying, speaking slowly as she tried to wrap her head around the situation. “So… you’re mad because she fell asleep with him on the couch? While watching TV? That’s what you’re telling me?”

Steve’s breath hitched in his throat, immediately getting defensive, trying to prove that he wasn’t just overreacting. “Well, yeah, but it’s the way she was with him. It was just too… cosy.”

She could not believe what she was hearing as she stared at the boy blankly. “Dude, we do that stuff all the time. Like, every movie night.”

Steve's stomach twisted. He felt sick. “Yeah, but…that’s different. This is—” He couldn’t continue. There was no solid ground for him to stand on. The knowledge of that was overwhelming. Fuck. 

Robin narrowed her eyes, still determined to get to the bottom of whatever was going on. “Okay, I still don’t get it. What did you do?”

He shifted uncomfortably at her questions, his guilt was building inside of him as the true terror set in. “I, uh… I may have been a complete asshole.”

Her eyes widened at the admission. “Define ‘complete asshole.’”

Steve’s hands shook as he brought them up to his forehead, slightly damp from his growing fear. “I called Eddie the ‘town freak’—fuck—and I—“ He paused and took a breath in, the consequences of his insecurities now coming into the light. “I told her we were over basically…she asked me to stop hurting her.”

Robin’s jaw dropped, feeling outraged at the way her best friend had acted. That was not something she could ever stand beside, no matter how close they were. “You what? Steve, that's fucking insane! I can’t believe you drove her to the point of even having to say that!”

The world seemed distorted as Steve became short of breath, he had to rest a hand on the counter to keep himself steady, the tight grip becoming painful. “I don’t know! I just—it all came out. I couldn’t stop myself—shit. What—what do I do?”

Robin started at him, completely stunned and equally irked. “Steve,” she said, the stern tone felt foreign on her tongue. “This is not just ‘I messed up a little’—you blew it, dude.”

He was breathing faster now, mouth barren, limbs turning slightly numb. The panic had now set in fully. “No, no, no. Don’t say that. I can fix it, right? I always fix it. I have to fix it, Robin. Please, help me fix it!” His voice increased as he got the words out, hands trembling in front of him. 

She looked at him, she was no less annoyed, but she couldn’t help but pity her friend. Especially when he looked like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown like this. He was a wreck right now and needed someone. 

“Okay, fine. I’ll help you,” Steve sighed in relief, however, she wasn’t finished. “But I’m seriously not happy about any of this. If she doesn’t take you back, you have to deal with it, Steve. This is on you.”

Steve nodded frantically, hair flying everywhere as he clung to the small sliver of hope. “Anything. I’ll do anything. I can’t lose her, Robin. I just… I can’t”

She folded her arms, her face remaining stoic to show her displeasure with him. “Alright. We will think of something, and you better pray to God she hears you out. You have got a lot of sucking up to do Harrington.”

He muttered quiet a thank you, his heart not slowing down. He couldn’t afford to lose you, not over this, not because of his own self-doubt. Please, he thought to himself. Please for the love of God don’t let her leave me.

For ten long minutes, Steve had been standing outside your apartment, heart hammering in his chest as he stared at the shut door. Ten agonising minutes of him just waiting, stalling, trying to muster up the courage to raise his hand and just knock. He could have used the spare key that was burning a hole in his back pocket, but that wouldn’t be right. Not after what he did. He had to do this the right way if he had any chance of forgiveness. This wasn’t a situation that could be fixed with flowers or chocolates. He had spoken to Robin for the whole of yesterday, and they both agreed—he needed to own up to everything that transpired, to apologise, even if it was hard. Even if it was terrifying. 

Because losing you? That wasn’t an option. 

With a deep breath, he rapped his knuckles against the solid wood. The second he made contact with the door, his stomach flipped. He wanted to run. To turn around and bolt. But he couldn’t. Not this time. He had too much to lose—you. The sweet, kind girl who had always made him feel seen, made him feel held. How could he walk away from that without trying? 

It wasn’t long before the door creaked open, the sight of you nearly knocked all the air out of his lungs. You’d been crying, that much was obvious. Your eyes were red, puffy, and filled with the hurt that he had caused. If that wasn’t enough to crush him, you were clad in one of his old hoodies—one he’d left at your place months ago. Seeing you wrapped up in something of his twisted the knife so deep that he nearly staggered back before he caught himself. 

You immediately moved to shut the door, not willing to let him hurt you more, but Steve panicked. “Please, please, angel don’t,” his voice cracked as he begged to be let in, his hand pushing lightly against the door, so desperate to keep it open. Desperate to not be shut out before he could even try to say sorry. “I need to talk to you. Please.”

You paused, removing your hand and gently taking a step away from the entrance. You crossed your arms as you looked at him, still visibly upset, your voice sharp but exhausted. The tone pulled at his chest. “You’ve got five minutes Steve. Then I want you out of here.”

He nodded eagerly, grateful for a chance, no matter how slim. “Of course, anything…I’ll take anything. Just…please.”

You let him in, both stepping further into the flat, his eyes immediately locked onto the sight of the coffee table. The flowers he picked up yesterday were still sitting there—petals scattered everywhere, beginning to dry up and wilt. 

You couldn’t bear to touch them after he tossed them there the day before, you had hardly left your bedroom due to their presence. A brutal reminder of what happened. He felt sick to his stomach with the knowledge of how badly he hurt you. How you couldn’t even deal with the ruined gift because they were tied to him. To the things he said. 

You fiddled with the sleeve of his hoodie, now feeling embarrassed while wearing it, nervous as to what he could possibly say to make this right. If he even wanted to make it right. You honestly didn’t know. 

He turned to you, words catching in his throat as he tried to figure out where to even start with this. He had gone over this with Robin multiple times yesterday, but the sight of you completely threw him. 

“I—I’m sorry, angel,” he stammered, that was a good place to start, his voice as rough as he continued. “I’m so, so sorry. For everything. For not thinking. For not believing you. For… for making you cry. I didn’t mean to—I swear, I didn’t.”

You stood firm, arms not moving from their crossed position. You weren’t giving in easily, not this time. You had every single right to be upset. Steve has frightened you. He was mean and spiteful, lashing out at you instead of listening. His jealousy was ugly. 

He fumbled for more words, his hands beginning to shake. “I…I was an asshole, I hate that I hurt you. I just…I freaked out, okay? I thought—“ He stopped, swallowing thickly as his emotions threatened to choke him fully. “I thought I was going to lose you. Like…like I lost Nancy.”

Your expression shifted slightly, but you remained silent, allowing him to continue. 

His voice grew quieter, more pained. “Halloween, a few years back, Nancy told me I was just…bullshit. Jonathan swept in after that. And when I saw you with Eddie—fuck—I just—” He ran a hand through his brown hair, pulling harder at the ends as his frustration grew. “Eddie’s already got Dustin. He’s…he’s got everything. And I thought he’d take you too. And I just…I panicked. I know it’s stupid, okay? I was just—“

He was rambling now and he knew it, the words were tumbling out faster than he could stop them. He only had five minutes, he needed you to understand. To please understand him. 

“I was so fucking scared, honey. I’m scared you’ll wake up one day and realise that I’m bullshit. That you’ll find someone better. Someone who isn’t…who isn’t me.” His voice cracked again at his attempt to hold back the tears that clouded his vision. 

You let out a small sigh, your expression wary. You couldn’t let your guard down, not yet at least. 

“Steve…what happened yesterday was not okay. You hurt me. A lot.”

“I know,” he said in a hushed tone, his voice barely louder than a breath. “I know I did, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. I swear, I’ll be better. I’ll be so much better—if you’ll let me. You deserve everything, sweetheart. A-and I’ll give it to you, I promise. Just…please. Please let me prove that.”

Steve’s voice broke as the overwhelming dread overflowed, what had once been a gentle simmering below the surface now coursed through his entire body. No, he thought, It’s not working. It’s not fucking working.

His hands were quivering uncontrollably, his vision blurred as his thoughts spiralled. Everything was crashing down around him—the fear, the memories, the guilt. 

He couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t lose you. Not you. 

“I—I can’t,” Steve stammered, his words short as they came out in small gasps. He backed up slightly, he didn’t know if he was scared of your presence or himself at this point. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m so—so fucking scared, I—“ 

His hands flew to his face in a weak attempt to hold himself together, his breath coming out in frantic bursts. His whole body shook involuntarily. Nancy, his parents, the same gut-wrenching feeling of being told he wasn’t enough. Wasn’t loved. That he was unimportant. Just temporary. 

You were stuck, rooted to where you stood, watching him unravel. And in that moment, you didn’t know what to do. The Steve you knew so well—the confident, charming, self-assured Steve—was crumbling before your eyes, his fear felt so raw, so overwhelming that it broke your heart to witness it. 

“Steve,” you say softly, moving towards him, but he couldn’t hear you. Not over his own mind. He was too far gone. 

“I can’t—fuck, I—“ His broad chest heaved as he tried to suck in air, but it seemed to do little to help. His hands shook violently, gripping at his tousled hair as he slid down to the floor, his back against the wall. “I’m gonna lose you, angel. I know it, and I can’t—I can’t do that again.”

“Steve,” you repeat, voice more forceful this time as you drop to your knees beside him. You reached out to him slowly, so as to not startle him, taking his unsteady hands in your own. “Breathe. Just…breathe with me, okay?”

He was trembling so much that it scared you, even more than he had yesterday. His breaths were coming out shallow and erratic, your heart ached to see him like this—so broken, so scared. 

“It’s okay. I’m here.” You kept your voice soft, soothing as you held onto him, your thumbs tracing small circles on his skin. You began to understand. “You’re okay. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

The skin around his eyes was pulled taught as he squeezed them shut, he tried to follow your lead, match your breathing with his own, using it as a guide. “Just breathe, okay?” You repeated, you held your voice steady until his ragged breaths began to slow, becoming deeper and more even. 

It took a few minutes to get his trembling to ease, fingers still tracing gentle patterns, reminding him of your presence. His grip eventually loosened, but never wavered, he clung onto you like a lifeline. His head hung low as he tried to pull himself back together. 

You watched his chest as you knelt beside him, it rose and fell more calmly compared to a few moments ago. His large brown eyes flickered open as they focused on you. Red and glassy, filled with fear as he looked at you. Really looked at you. 

“I’m so so sorry,” he spoke in a muted tone, barely audible as he turned his attention to your intertwined hands. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I just… I didn’t know what to do. I—I needed to hurt you before you hurt me.”

Your stomach was in knots at the sight of him so vulnerable. Posture hunched over as if he wanted to disappear into himself. It broke your heart to witness. You squeezed his hands gently as you leaned closer to him. 

“Steve, listen to me,” you tell him. His eyes lifted to meet yours, amber and swirling with uncertainty. “I’m not going anywhere. But you have to talk to me, okay? If something is bothering you. If you’re feeling scared, you have to tell me. You can’t just take it out on me. It’s not fair.”

He shook his head and sniffed, rubbing his hand roughly against his eyes, trying to brush away the tears. “I don’t want to push you away,” he muttered, voice no longer as shakey. He felt his mind settle as the words flowed out of his mouth more comfortably. 

“I just… I don’t know how to do this,” he gestured between the two of you. “I’ve never been good at… at the talking stuff.”

For the first time today, you allowed a smile to play on your lips as you brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. “I kinda got that,” you tell him. “You don’t have to be perfect. I just need you to be able to come to me, talk to me. Get out of your head. I’m always here.”

You tapped his forehead twice for emphasis as he exhaled slowly. The tension in his body had finally been released as he slumped against the wall. He brought both of your hands up to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles, swallowing hard as he returned them to his lap. “Don’t deserve you, angel.”

Leaning forward and pressing your forehead against his own, closing your eyes as you speak. “You deserve someone who cares,” you tell him as you pull back, eyes shining with pure honesty which soothes his shot nerves. “And I do. So, just…trust me. Even if it's hard sometimes.”

“I do,” he said quickly. “I do. I’m sorry I didn’t, sweetheart. I’m sorry for everything.”

“I know,” you say, rubbing your thumb across his cheek, looking at him with the tenderness he never thought he would see again. “You don’t have to apologise anymore.”

He nodded once more, your forgiveness was finally sinking into him, pushing the last bit of panic out of his system. He opened his arms, asking you silently if it was alright to hold you once more. 

You shifted yourself between his legs, allowing his arms to pull you into a tight embrace, bringing you close as if you might disappear again. Slip through his fingers if he let you go. 

You rested your head against his chest, tucked up tightly as his chin rested on your hair. You could feel his heart beat at a more steady pace. You placed your palm over it. It belonged to you after all. 

“I love you, you know that?” He asked as he held you against him, anchoring himself to you. 

“I know,” you respond, words slightly muffled by his jumper. “I love you too.”

You pull away slightly, meeting his eyes once more. The heaviness from the previous conversation had lifted, feeling relief flow through you as the warmth returned to Steve’s face. He wasn’t completely at ease, still very much shaken, but he could see a light at the end of the tunnel. The worst was behind him. And he promised it would only be up from here. 

“So tell me,” you began. You knew you needed to steer the conversation in a more light-hearted direction, not just for yourself, but for the boy whose lap you were in. “Was Robin mad?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Steve groaned as his head hit the wall behind him. At least he could walk into work with a smile on his face tomorrow. Tell her that he made it right…but maybe leave out the whole hysterical crying part. “She was ready to rip my head off after I told her what happened.”

“Oh, really?” You raised an eyebrow and giggled. “Good to know she has my back.”

“Guess I’m outnumbered,” Steve allowed himself to laugh, and God did it feel good to do it with you.

“Well, that’s what happens when you don’t listen.”

“Okay, okay. Fair enough,” he winced, but managed to maintain a grin. “I think I’ll survive her wrath…maybe.”

“Maybe,” you hummed thoughtfully. “Gonna have to put in some work there then.”

“I am prepared to do whatever it takes,” he tells you with mock seriousness. “Even offer to be her wingman with Vickie.”

“Wow, generous,” you snorted. It would probably benefit him more, if you were being honest. He had been nagging her to make a move for months, her constant pining and inaction was starting to get to him. He had been giving her the same advice over and over. It was getting ridiculous. His words, not yours. 

“And, hey, maybe I’ll give Munson a chance too,” he tells you, glancing down with a playful expression. “Join Hellfire, see what all the fuss is about.”

The laugh that escaped you was loud, you shook your head at him. “Steve, you would be terrible and D&D.”

“Hey, I’m good at strategy!” He protested, not allowing himself to be insulted in this manner. “I’d make a great…uh, whatever they call the fighter guy.”

“You mean a barbarian?” You say teasingly. “I could see you as more of a chotic bard. Always trying to talk yourself out of trouble.”

“Yeah? You never know, I could surprise you,” he says, leaning down to press his lips against your hairline. “For now though, I think I’ll focus on not screwing things up again.”

Your heart fluttered as you melted into him, securing your arms around his wide shoulders. “You’re on the right track, Harrington”

“Good,” he smiled at the nickname, placing his hand on your arm, the other on your back. “I don’t plan on going anywhere. And neither are you if I can help it.”

“Deal,” you say with a firm nod of your head. “No more freakouts, okay?”

He looked over your face once more, relieved that there were no more visible traces of the pain he had caused. Just his sweet girl smiling at him. Just the way he liked it. 

"I'll try my best," Steve whispered, holding you close. "I promise."

[widow-tarot]

MINI PAC READING: What Would They Tell You If They Could? (Romance)

GROUPS: 1 - 2 - 3 4 - 5 - 6

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Instruction: Think about your person while choosing a group. Do not use more than 1 group for one person. Just to remind you, this is only for entertainment purposes.

If you don't feel drawn to any group, then this reading is not for you.

GROUP 1

Cards: Ace of Wands, Knight of Wands rx, Wheel of Fortune rx, I Like You, Girl Talk rx, Pond, Archangel Metatron.

I like you. I know it's straightforward, but I cannot say it in any other way that's more meaningful or more direct. It might not sound meaningful but it is to me (I hope it is to you too). I feel there is a spiritual connection between us and it seems no matter what, we keep coming back to each other. Our connection is like a pond; can be insignificant to others but to us, it holds so much life and secrets but it can easily be destroyed if not cultivated. We are so hot and cold; we like each other, then we hate each other over something trivial (we both don't know what exactly annoyed us). I want to move towards you but things are holding me back. There's so much I want to do and say but I'm standing still. I know we will truly come together someday. No one knows about it because I don't share those feelings with friends. It seems too private and sacred.

SONGS:

Eric by Mitski ("Take off my clothes and watch me move; You can come closer, I'll let you hurt me; But how long, how long can we play this way?; I'm tired, I'm tired of not loving you"

Blue Velvet by Lana Del Rey ("Ours a love I held tightly; Feeling the rapture grow; Like a flame burning brightly; But when she left; Gone was the glow")

Nothing's Gonna Hurt You, Baby by Cigarettes After Sex ("Whispered something in your ear; It was a perverted thing to say; But I said it anyway; Made you smile and look away; Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby; As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine")

GROUP 2

Cards: 9 of Pentacles, 2 of Pentacles, 7 of Cups, Noose rx, Mushrooms, The Snake, Hammer rx, Seraphim Seraphisa rx.

You will forever be in my heart and mind, but we can never be together in the way we want. There are way too many blockages and I do think we are not fit to be in a relationship. I am in a committed relationship (or you are) and I do not wish to leave her for I love her. Maybe I am a coward, but I am a practical and cautious one. I will not take reckless actions just to wake up one day and regret it. I think what we have is a fantasy, pleasant make-believe, daydreaming. However, I don't want you gone because you're an important person to me. I wish you happiness but I can't follow you.

SONGS:

Lonesome Love by Mitski ("I call you, to see you again; So I can win, and this can finally end")

Blue Banisters by Lana Del Rey ("She said, "You can't be a muse and be happy, too; You can't blacken the pages with Russian poetry and be happy"; And that scared me; 'Cause I met a man who said he'd come back every May;Just to help me if I'd paint; Now when weather turns to May; All my sisters come to paint")

Flash by Cigarettes After Sex ("I'm a flash; You were blinded by the love I had; I'm a flash; The light could only get in through the cracks")

GROUP 3

Cards: The Hierophant rx, 8 of Wands, The Devil, 10 of Swords rx, Wildflowers, Mirror, Keys on a Ring, Archangel Raphael.

You are the temptation, the chaos in my life, the wildflowers that can still be growing but can also be already taken by someone else while I wasn't looking. You're untouchable, unable to be caught, translucent. One minute you're here only to leave seconds later just to come back and stay for a long time. You're unpredictable, a sin worth sinning for. But I hate to be alone and you make me sad. I love to see you but I hate myself when you leave. I don't know if you have any feelings for me; is it something serious or is it just casual and convenient? I can't do this anymore, I'm trapped and I feel miserable. I wish I could tell you to stay away, to abandon me, to never come back. It would be easier for me to move on then but I am a fool for you. I wish I was strong enough to talk things through but I'd rather have some of you than none of you. Then again, being with you hurts me so what should I do?

SONGS:

Should've Been Me by Mitski ("Relive all the ways you still want me; I haven't given you what you need; You wanted me but couldn't reach me; I'm sorry it should've been me"

Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey ("I will love you till the end of time; I would wait a million years; Promise you'll remember that you're mine; Baby, can you see through the tears?; You went out every night; And, baby, that's alright; But when you walked out that door; A piece of me died")

Ambien Slide by Cigarettes After Sex ("Take my love with some pretend; You said you couldn't help it; Had everything that you wanted; When my love was something yours; But now you're feeling helpless")

GROUP 4

Cards: Death, Page of Pentacles rx, The Chariot rx, Archangel Sammael, Eileen Chang rx, Boat rx, Engagement Ring rx.

I don't want to try to fix this thing between us anymore, it's a fool's errand. We tried and it didn't work, it's time to move on to something else because we are just wasting our time and I'm exhausted. Let me go. Let me leave, peacefully. I don't want to fight but I'm frustrated. I think we tried to escape the inevitable but at the end of the road, we cannot pretend any longer. Relieve me of this burden and don't resent me.

SONGS:

Working For The Knife by Mitski ("I always thought the choice was mine; And I was right, but I just chose wrong")

Bel Air by Lana Del Rey ("Gargoyles standing at the front of your gate; Trying to tell me to wait; But I can't wait to see you; So I run, like I'm mad, to heaven's door; I don't wanna be bad; I won't cheat you no more")

Tejano Blue by Cigarettes After Sex ("We wanted to fuck with real love; Wanted it sweet, so pure and warm; And when you say you want it all, I know you want it all; Baby, take it all from me; I always will make it feel like you were the last one; So get in the waves like it was the first time")

GROUP 5

Cards: The Star rx, 7 of Pentacles, 10 of Swords rx, Glove rx, The Phoenix, Paradise rx, Archangel Haniel.

I wish we could start anew, without any bitter history between us that holds us back and clouds our judgment. We cannot fully be together while all these thoughts are troubling us, making us suspicious of each other and insecure. I know we both lost hope for this connection, yet we are still going and proceeding with it in any way we can. We don't want this to be over but we need to find a solution. I want you in my life and I'm willing to put work into it. Are you? Someone needs to make the first step though and it's the most difficult thing to do. We cannot stay still for much longer though. We communicate telepathically but we also have to communicate in real life.

SONGS:

First Love/Late Spring by Mitski ("Please hurry leave me; I can't breathe; Please don't say you love me; One word from you and I would; Jump off of this ledge I'm on; Tell me "don't" so I can crawl back in")

Video Games by Lana Del Rey ("It's you, it's you, it's all for you; Everything I do; I tell you all the time; Heaven is a place on earth with you; Tell me all the things you wanna do; It's better than I ever even knew; They say that the world was built for two; Only worth living if somebody is loving you")

Goodbye Mr Blue by Father John Misty (" But maybe if he'd gone sooner; Could've brought us back together last June; When the last time was our last time; If only then I knew; The last time was our last time; Would've told you that the last time comes too soon")

GROUP 6

Cards: Page of Swords rx, 9 of Cups rx, 4 of Swords, Sappho, Archangel Chamuel, Cupid's Arrow rx, Separation rx.

Do you love me? You say you do why does your love cause so much pain? Why am I in agony instead of being elated and happy? Is this how you show your love? I feel neglected and manipulated. I feel ignored and mocked. Am I your partner or your pet? Do you even care what I want? Do you care what I have to say? You treat me as a child as if I cannot think or decide for myself. Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think so lowly of me? When you're not here, I don't miss you and my mind is at ease. I lost all hope for anything to change. It hurts even more because I love you, but your love is weird and dysfunctional. I feel trapped. I even stopped speaking my mind because it was met with ridicule and anger.

SONGS:

Wife by Mitski ("For if I am not yours, what am I?; I daydream I'd give one a name of my own; For even I am on loan; For even mine is unknown; So let me go towards the morning star; With hope it won't disappear;)

Carmen by Lana Del Rey ("Baby's all dressed up, with nowhere to go; That's the little story of the girl you know; Relyin' on the kindness of strangers; Darlin', darlin', doesn't have a problem; Lyin' to herself, 'cause her liquor's top shelf; It's alarmin', honestly, how charmin' she can be; Foolin' everyone, tellin' 'em she's havin' fun")

Hot by Cigarettes After Sex ("Is it all in my head? 'Cause I keep getting scared; That I'll always be lost forever; But I don't give a shit if I'm too delicate; When you hold me, it's always better")

[starsjulia]

casual // leah williamson

a/n : a long angsty one based of this request

warnings : angst with a happy ending (ish?), fwb

The rain always seemed to hit harder on nights like this, when you were alone in your apartment, the silence weighing heavy around you. Your phone was lying on the coffee table, screen dark, as you tried your best not to stare at it. Not to pick it up. Not to send the message you swore you wouldn’t send this time.

But the temptation was always there. Leah was always there. Somewhere in the back of your mind.

It had been two years since this thing between you had started—this complicated mess of blurred lines and unspoken rules. It had begun like most bad ideas do: with too much wine and one reckless decision. A kiss that turned into something more, with promises of “this is just for fun” whispered between sheets. You were friends, after all. Close friends, nothing more, nothing less. And that night, it had been easy to believe that you could keep it that way.

But nothing had been simple since then.

You sat there now, curled up on the couch, blanket pulled tight around you as you stared at the empty space beside you. Two years of stolen moments. Late-night texts. Meeting up when the loneliness felt too heavy to carry. Always on her terms, though. Always when she had time. You had told yourself it was enough, that you were fine with the arrangement. After all, Leah had been honest from the start. She didn’t want a relationship. She didn’t have time for one, with her football career and all the responsibilities that came with it.

And you were fine with that. Or, at least, you pretended to be.

Because the truth was, you weren’t fine. You hadn’t been fine in months.

The problem with pretending not to care was that it became harder and harder to keep up the act. You were good at pretending, though. Pretending not to feel the sting of her absence when weeks went by without a word. Pretending not to notice how she never stayed the night, always slipping out of your bed before dawn with some excuse about training or early mornings. Pretending that this arrangement, this friends-with-benefits setup, was still just casual fun for you.

The truth was, it hadn’t been casual in a long time.

Your phone buzzed on the table, breaking through the quiet tension in the room. You stared at it for a moment, hesitant, before reaching for it. The name on the screen made your heart do that stupid, traitorous leap in your chest.

Leah : You home? x

Three words. So simple. So innocent. Yet they carried so much weight.

You typed back quickly, your fingers shaking slightly.

Yeah. Why? x

It wasn’t long before her response came in.

can i come over? x

It was always like this. These late-night texts, her asking to come over, to slip back into your life for a few hours before disappearing again. And you always said yes. No matter how many times you told yourself you wouldn’t. No matter how many times you swore this time would be different.

Sure, doors unlocked x

You sat there for a moment, staring at the words on the screen, regretting them as soon as you sent them. But it was too late. You couldn’t take them back now.

Fifteen minutes later, Leah was at your door.

She walked in like she always did—confident, with an easy smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She looked tired. Exhausted, even. You knew the demands of her career were catching up to her, that she had been under more pressure than ever lately. The national team, her club, the media—all of it was taking a toll. You could see it in the way her shoulders slumped slightly, in the faint shadows under her eyes.

But she didn’t say anything about it. She never did. Instead, she just collapsed onto your couch, exhaling deeply.

“Rough day?” you asked softly, sitting down beside her but keeping a bit of space between you. You had learned to do that, to create some distance even when she was right there next to you.

Leah shrugged, running a hand through her hair. “Just tired. Training’s been brutal lately.”

You nodded, unsure what to say. This was how it always was—small talk that never led anywhere. You were friends, but there was always this wall between you, this unspoken rule that you never crossed into anything deeper.

But tonight, something about it felt heavier than usual. Maybe it was the rain outside, or maybe it was just the weight of everything that had been building between you. The things you hadn’t said. The things you couldn’t say.

Leah glanced over at you, her eyes searching your face for something you weren’t sure you could give. “You okay?” she asked, her voice quieter now, more tentative.

You forced a smile. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

It was a lie, of course. But she didn’t press you on it. She never did.

Instead, Leah leaned in, her hand finding your thigh in that familiar way that always made your heart skip. Her touch was soft, but there was a tension in the air that hadn’t been there before. Like she could feel that something was off.

You looked at her, trying to keep your expression neutral. “Is this what you came here for?” you asked, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.

Leah blinked, pulling back slightly, her hand falling from your leg. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, is this what it is for you? Just… this.” You gestured between the two of you, your frustration finally bubbling over. “Is that all I am to you, Leah? A convenience? Something you can come back to when it’s easy for you?”

Her eyes widened slightly, taken aback by your words. “Where’s this coming from?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair, your chest tightening as the words you had been holding in for so long finally began to spill out. “It’s been two years, Leah. Two years of this—of you showing up when you feel like it, of you acting like we’re just friends, but then turning around and…” You trailed off, gesturing vaguely, unable to find the right words.

Leah stared at you, her expression unreadable. “I didn’t know you felt like this.”

You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. “Of course you didn’t. I’ve been too busy pretending everything’s fine. But it’s not, Leah. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay with being whatever this is.”

Leah looked down, her jaw clenching slightly. “We agreed it would be casual. That’s what we said from the start.”

“I know that!” you snapped, your frustration finally breaking through. “I know we said it would be casual. But it’s not casual for me anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time.”

The room fell into a tense silence, the sound of rain hitting the windows the only thing breaking it. Leah didn’t say anything for a long time, just stared at the floor, her expression distant.

Finally, she spoke, her voice low. “I didn’t ask for this to be more.”

Her words hit you like a punch to the gut, the bluntness of them slicing through you. You felt your throat tighten as you tried to keep your emotions in check, but it was too late. Everything was spilling out now, all the hurt and frustration you had been bottling up for months.

“I know you didn’t,” you said, your voice trembling slightly. “But it *is* more for me. I can’t help that. And I can’t keep doing this if you don’t feel the same way.”

Leah’s eyes flicked up to meet yours, and for a moment, you thought you saw something in them—regret, maybe. Or sadness. But it was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by that same guarded look she always wore when things got too close, too real.

“I’m not good at this,” she said quietly. “I don’t know how to do relationships. Football… it’s everything to me. I don’t have room for anything else.”

Your chest ached at her words, even though you had known them to be true all along. “I’m not asking you to choose between me and football, Leah. I would never ask that. I just want to know where I stand. I want to know if I mean anything to you beyond being someone you can sleep with when it’s convenient.”

Leah exhaled sharply, running a hand over her face. “You mean something to me. Of course you do.”

“Then why don’t you show it?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper now. “Why do I feel like I’m the only one who cares? Like I’m always waiting for you to decide when I matter?”

She didn’t answer, and that silence said more than any words ever could.

You stood up, wrapping your arms around yourself as you tried to steady your breathing. “I can’t do this anymore, Leah. I can’t keep being your… your in-between. If this is all you can give, then I need to walk away.”

Leah looked up at you, and for the first time, you saw real panic in her eyes. She stood up, taking a step toward you. “Wait. Please.”

You shook your head, tears threatening to spill over as you stepped back. “I’m sorry.”

For a moment, it looked like she was going to say something more, that she might finally open up, finally give you what you had been aching for all this time. But then she stopped, her expression hardening, and you knew. She wasn’t going to give you anything more. She couldn’t.

The door clicked softly behind you as you walked out into the rain, your heart breaking with each step. You had spent two years convincing yourself that you were okay with the way things were, that you didn’t need more than what Leah was willing to give.

But now, soaked and alone, you knew the truth.

You had always wanted more. And Leah was never going to give it to you.

---

Days passed. Then weeks.

You tried to move on. You threw yourself into work, into spending time with friends, anything to keep your mind off of Leah. But she was always there, in the back of your mind, haunting you like a ghost.

You hadn’t heard from her since that night. Part of you had expected her to reach out, to try and fix things, but deep down, you knew better. Leah wasn’t the kind of person who fought for things like this. She didn’t know how.

Still, the silence hurt more than you thought it would.

One night, weeks later, as you were sitting alone in your apartment again, your phone buzzed on the table. You ignored it at first, assuming it was one of your friends checking in, but when it buzzed again, you glanced at the screen.

Leah: Are you home?

Your heart clenched at the sight of her name. You stared at the message for a long time, torn between replying and throwing your phone across the room.

But before you could stop yourself, you typed back.

yeah. why.

There was a long pause, and for a moment, you wondered if she would respond at all. But then your phone buzzed again.

Leah: Can I come over?

You stared at the screen, your mind racing. You knew you should say no. You knew that letting her back in would only lead to more heartache. But it was Leah. And despite everything, despite all the hurt, you still cared. Too much, probably.

Sure..?

It didn’t take long for her to show up. When she walked in, she looked just as exhausted as the last time you had seen her, but there was something different in her eyes this time. Something softer. Vulnerable, almost.

You stood awkwardly in the living room, not sure what to say, not sure why she was here. Leah seemed just as uncertain, her hands shoved in her pockets as she looked at you.

“I missed you,” she said quietly, her voice raw.

Your heart clenched at her words, but you didn’t let yourself get too hopeful. “You missed me, or you missed the convenience?”

Leah flinched slightly at your words, but she didn’t look away. “I missed you,” she repeated, her voice firmer this time.

You swallowed hard, trying to keep your emotions in check. “Leah, I can’t keep doing this. You know that.”

“I know,” she said, taking a hesitant step toward you. “I know I’ve been shit. I know I haven’t given you what you deserve. But I…” She trailed off, struggling to find the right words. “I’m scared.”

You frowned, confused. “Scared of what?”

“Of losing you,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “Of letting you in too much and screwing everything up. I’m scared that if I let myself care, I’ll get distracted, and I can’t afford that.”

You stared at her, your heart aching at the vulnerability in her voice. You had never heard her talk like this before, never seen her let her walls down like this.

“I’m not asking you to give up your career, Leah,” you said softly. “I’m not asking you to make me your whole world. I just want to know that I matter to you. That I’m not just something you come back to when it’s convenient.”

“You matter,” she said quickly, stepping closer now. “You matter more than you know. I just didn’t realize how much until you walked away.”

You felt tears prick at your eyes, but you blinked them back, not wanting to break down in front of her. “Then why didn’t you fight for this sooner?”

Leah took another step toward you, reaching out to gently take your hand. “Because I’m an idiot,” she said softly. “And I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you.”

You looked down at her hand in yours, your chest tight with a mixture of emotions. “I don’t want to lose you either,” you whispered.

Leah gently tugged you closer, her other hand cupping your cheek as she looked into your eyes. “Let me try. Please. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect, but I want to try. For you.”

You closed your eyes, leaning into her touch, letting yourself feel the warmth of her skin against yours. It wasn’t a perfect resolution. It wasn’t everything you had been hoping for. But it was something.

And maybe, for now, that was enough.

---

The road ahead wouldn’t be easy. But as Leah pulled you into her arms, holding you tightly for the first time in what felt like forever, you knew that this was a start. A messy, complicated start—but a start nonetheless.

And maybe that was all you needed. For now.

[strangled-slytherin]

First Glance

Summary: Theo Nott catches sight of you for the first time. Pairing: Theo Nott x Reader Word Count: 582 Trigger Warnings: None

The first time I saw her, it felt like the world had shifted. I’d been leaning against the wall in the courtyard, a casual observer, half-listening to Draco drone on about some Quidditch match, when she appeared. It wasn’t as though she burst into the scene dramatically or did something to command attention. No, it was subtler than that. She just walked into my line of sight, and suddenly, nothing else existed.

Her hair caught the sunlight just right, casting a soft glow around her face as she laughed at something her friend had said. That sound, her laughter—it cut through the usual noise of Hogwarts like a blade. My chest tightened as I watched her, unaware if it was her laughter or the way her eyes sparkled that caught me first. There was something different about her, something magnetic. She wasn’t loud or attention-seeking, yet she had this way of existing that made everything else seem less important.

I knew who she was, of course. Everyone did. But this was the first time I really saw her. The curve of her lips, the way her hand tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear absentmindedly, the way she held herself—confident but not showy. I couldn’t explain why, but something in me shifted.

"Are you listening, Theo?" Draco’s voice snapped me back, but my eyes were still on her, following her movements as she walked past. She hadn’t even noticed me, not really. But I noticed her. And that was the beginning.

Suddenly, I found myself wanting to be in the places she was, wanting to know what made her laugh like that, wanting her to notice me in return. It was an odd sensation for someone who’d always prided himself on being indifferent to most things. But not to her. Not anymore.

As she moved farther away, I felt this strange pull, like an invisible thread connecting us even though she hadn't even glanced my way. I told myself it was nothing. Just curiosity, something fleeting, but the way my chest tightened said otherwise.

For the rest of the day, I caught myself looking for her—between classes, in the Great Hall, even when I was supposed to be paying attention during Potions. It was maddening. I didn’t know why she had this effect on me, and it irritated me to no end. I wasn’t the kind of person who got swept up in this kind of thing. But with her… it felt different.

Later, I saw her again, sitting alone in the library, surrounded by books. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she scribbled something in the margins of her notes. For a moment, I just watched her, unnoticed. The way she chewed on the end of her quill when she was thinking, the way she’d pause to push a loose curl out of her face—it was all so painfully ordinary, yet completely captivating.

I moved toward her, my steps slow, uncertain, my usual confidence betraying me for the first time in years. What was I even doing? She hadn’t noticed me yet, and I could have just walked away. Pretended I wasn’t suddenly consumed by thoughts of her.

But then she looked up. Her eyes met mine, and for a split second, the world stopped. There was a flicker of recognition in her gaze, but nothing more. She didn’t know me, not really. Just another Slytherin, just another boy in a sea of faces. Yet, as her gaze lingered on mine for a moment longer than necessary, I felt something stir deep within me.

I nodded, casual, cool—at least, I hoped it looked that way—and walked past her, every muscle in my body screaming at me to stay, to say something. But I didn’t. I just kept walking, heart pounding in my chest like I’d just flown a hundred miles on a broomstick.

As I turned the corner, I glanced back, just for a moment. She was back to her books, oblivious to the fact that she had just completely and utterly upended my world.

[metranart]

Obsessed with Nanami being all flustered and horny while in a mission with you, his ex-girlfriend's younger sister.

Ft. Nanami Kento x reader. He is thirsty for your unshared attention. He wants to be a good but you won't let him...

Driving towards the next mission, Nanami’s gaze drifts from time to time to the person sitting in the passenger seat. It is a subtly almost stoic and imperceptible move yet highly effective. 

The experienced sorcerer has found unavoidable to keep his gaze away from you for too long.

Fate was cruel, the blonde already knew that. The life of a jujutsu sorcerer is full of ups and downs, likewise… but this time, life is being excruciatingly unfair to him, making it almost like a personal affront. 

Because-…why?!... why?!!!...why did fate dare to conceive an exact replica of the only woman he has ever loved. 

Since his days of youth in Tokyo Jujutsu High, where he teamed up with two persons who would become his most important friends and unintentionally, got madly in love with one of them. Life tasted sour and sweet, all in the same plate.

One of his teammates was like a breath of clear and beautifully scented air filling his grateful lungs with so much joy, it was ridiculous. 

The blonde sorcerer remembers how much attention his lovely teammate drew by just parading around in the school uniform or merely smiling at one of his unexpected moments of sarcasm. 

The way her smile lit the rooms was something cathartical. Kidnapping the eyes of those who Nanami called classmates, to be more precise…upper classmates… annoying little bastards always lurking around the lovely third of his team. Their intentions clear, as the clear eyes of one of them.

Satoru Gojo and Suguru Getou were like a plague that more than not, invaded the younger trio space. The jujutsu sorcerers were older than them yet that did not stop them to somehow always find a way to crash their meeting points and places to hang out, a coincidence, he doubted it. 

Those two were like leeches who wanted to feed from the sweet and addictive nectar of his precious classmate, so eager to probe themselves better than each other and as consequence better than him…by sporting feats of strength and power so huge that it was impossible for others to even catch up with them. 

Gojo and his ever present, knowing smile adorning those soft lips as innocently leaned towards her and pretended was going to teach her a new combat stance, only to let his body stick closer than necessary while his treacherous hands lightly traced the supple skin it could grasp… sneaky, hormonally driven, young Satoru was someone to be careful of…and that fact made certain blonde crinkle his nose in disgust and narrow his eyes in anger, at his off-limits tactics.

The older sorcerer was to say the least infuriating.  

Even the approaches, from his not so flashy companion became threatening to the blonde. Getou and his tight-lipped smile which to certain person made him resemble a cunning fox.

He seemed to gracefully float around like a dandelion in the wind, careless attitude backed up by his hands tucked inside his pockets. 

The dark-haired sorcerer had an imperceptible and gentle way of showing up, making sure to leave a pleasant impression after every interaction. If his intentions were to incline the balance in his favor, those well-thought acts of attentive kindness were definitely smart.

The older students saw it all as a fair contest between companions, but Nanami more than sometimes felt the fantastic duo, cheats by teaming up against him… reason why he mostly ignored them.  

However, so caught up in their little mischief as the older duo was, eventually they stopped paying attention to certain unresponsive blonde who never gave them and their quarrel the time of day. What was their surprise when the supposedly inoffensive blonde ended up winning the lady, without breaking a sweat. 

As Getou sarcastically put it while patiently waiting for Gojo’s impending tantrum… looks like lady’s luck is on Nanami’s side on this one, Satoru. 

And soon the attention everyone coveted so much turned to him when his teammate and all her affections favored his stoic self.

Getou could almost swear could clearly hear how certain white-haired, blue-eyed prodigy’s heart broke like glass been smashed against the cold, unforgiving floor when she chose Nanami above everyone. 

Nevertheless, subtly glancing at his friend, could not glimpse a trace of hurt or jealousy. Only noted with resign…he was not smiling, anymore. And for the first time, Nanami was. 

After all, that cute, unexpectedly lovable girl choose him above the magnificent Gojo Satoru…Nanami, a nobody, just another regular sorcerer could call himself the rightful owner of her heart. Having the girl of his dreams fawning over his touch and craving for his sole attention, was indeed good. 

Ugh! Nanami secretly loved it. 

It was unexpected satisfactory fact that stroke his ego, almost hand in hand with how have her to his own, stroked his libido.

Soon their relationship bloomed, and she became one of those persons only appeared one in a million…apparently, this time there was a glitch and somehow, now Nanami is trapped in a dejavu. 

All thanks to the fateful day, he lost her. One day they were holding hands, the next she was gone… disappeared.  

The blonde looked for her like a lost dog looks for his home and many others joined as well… Gojo and Getou being just a few who devotedly shared this particular mission… but they were too late. His darling had left this world and shattered, Nanami abandoned the sorcerer world to become an ordinary salary man. 

One objective, money… enough money to make him forget that he failed to protect her, tired and boring days in an office were better than trashing in his bed unable to rest. 

It was a decent job, with decent intervals of action when he deigns to help a stranger or a girl in a coffee shop to remove a weak but maiming, curse. 

And what was his surprise when after several years of self-punishment, finally took the decision to come back to the sorcerer’s world and be useful again…he was struck with the vision of the beauty he once devoted himself to, but not a vision at all, but her in bone and flesh. 

Shock, stupefaction, resent, hurt… yes! those are some accurate words to describe how betrayed the blonde feels seeing her again sporting the same uniform of their youth while happily smiling at a new set of teammates and blatantly ignoring his presence as if didn’t know him, as if he hadn’t been her first kiss, her first dance, her shoulder to cry or the one thoughtfully fucking her against the nearest surface in countless occasions. 

Reaching his breaking point, Nanami’s fists clenches and his jaw acquires a sharper angle as he firmly strides to confront her and demand an explanation, when is hastily stopped by an old friend who corrects his deceiving trail of thoughts by announcing his mistake.

“It's her little sister, my friend.” Gojo explained, bluntly. “She’s a carbon paper copy, don’t you agree?” he draws his lower lip between his teeth and Nanami feels his blindfolded stare on him.

“You ought to know better than some of us.” The comment floats in the air, and the plausible tad of jealousy tinted in resentment it may have held is left forgotten due to how unbelievable much you looked like her.

Younger sister…? Wait, what!?...Why she never spoke to him about you?...she must have a good reason… yet why not share it with him… 

His face must have mirrored his doubts for the snow-haired teacher by his side was prone to inform.

“This little one appeared in front of the school at the tender age of eleven…” he nodded his head to emphasize his statement. “Days after you left, actually—” Gojo rested his hand against his chin, remembering. “Carrying a handwritten letter from her recently deceased sister, your darling…seems like she had a well-hidden secret whose name is (y/n).”

Nanami was at a loose for words. How did he not realize before? Of course, it couldn't be her! Yet, you looked exactly like when they were teenagers and even when those golden years had vanished, the memory still fueled his heart with a furious torrent of emotion that hammered through his veins. 

Momentarily stunned by the astonishing similarity, stood silent and Gojo continues explaining how you are the only trace she left behind…the youngest of a devastated, well-hidden clan of sorcerers and now, quite the lovely teen. 

Your cute face is exactly like the one he dreams of when has a strike of luck instead of the usual nightmares, the way the uniform hugs your curves is sending familiar shivers through every muscle of his body, the flow of your hair cascading down your back has him nibbling at his lip with a hunger doesn’t recognize and that incredibly, gentle spark lingering in your gaze has his heart hammering an old and painful ballad of love… you are re-branding his brain with a new, yet, known tune.

You are most certainly, her little sister and he is infuriatingly hooked, could have fallen on his knees and burst into pathetic tears of the most sublime pain and relief, but instead stands expressionless and almost indifferent to your presence, knowing certain cerulean eyes drink his every reaction, and if he knows Gojo as he thinks he does… the prodigy is pondering a second chance, so bluntly, can almost savor you.

Nanami must admit trusts Gojo with his life… even if doesn’t respect him that much, the prodigy holds a special place to him… that said, makes him a little uncomfortable the knowledge you may be occupying this powerful sorcerer every thought while triggering in him, a long qualm, thirst. 

Even when glancing at him looks cool and compose, the blonde senses how consumed by you he already is… how eager, patiently waits for a chance to steal the last print of an old flame that never was able to fully blow away.

A print that now lies in the next seat of Nanami’s car, scrolling through her cellphone utterly unaware of how her presence not only spikes her sensei’s interest, but has an equally, if not higher effect on Nanami’s blood pressure, fogging his rational thoughts and making him more dangerous than any curse they were to face that day.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer.” He hears you teasingly say, without taking your eyes from the screen of your cell phone.

Well, maybe he is not as subtle as he thought. A playful smile lingers in your lips and his rigid shoulders lose a little at your obvious teasing. 

Nanami merely hums, secretly amused. His face doesn’t show what really thinks but if it did, you wouldn’t be so calm.

“I have a picture of you.” You share out of the sudden, ignoring his lack of acknowledgement to your previous comment and from the corner of your eye almost dare to claim, he is smirking. “It's an old snapshot and has a date written below...” the blonde slightly tilts his head towards you, and you know you have his full attention. 

“My sister is giving you a kiss on the cheek, and you look outstandingly cold and indifferent, yet—” you make a long pause while rapidly typing something in your phone and starting to lose focus, you hear him stoically repeat.

“Yet…”

Glancing at him your gazes bump, his eyes are set on you instead of the road and the intensity shining behind his amber glasses spark goosebumps all over your forearms. 

You make a pitiful and unintelligible questioning sound, and your previous idea returns. “Uh-hh..yes!-…you were adorably blushing, Nanami.” You claim, confident of your keen eye. 

“It took me some study and analyzing, but I can confidently say that I may be the only person who can tell when you are blushing like a cornered nun.”

A cute giggle supports your claim, and the aloof blonde slowly returns his gaze to the road, in utter silence. A shit eating grin blooms in your face and pointing a finger at his face, you declare, shamelessly.

“Like right now! You are blushing!” 

The sorcerer barely tilts his head your way and carefully bats your pointing finger away. An imperceptible grin sparking his solemn stupor.

“No, I’m not.”

-

The two of you finish the mission fairly slow and leave almost intact the premises, the curse was extra troublesome and annoying more than powerful and you feel like if your body weighted twice as much due to fatigue. 

Your body has replenished with cursed energy and is back to normal, but this was supposed to be a simple enough mission, which actually wasn’t.

Entering the co-pilot seat, you sprawl all over the seat, heavily groaning.

“I’m too old for this.” You nag, stretching your arms over your head until your back cracks, loudly.

“If you are too old, I must be catastrophically ancient…” Nanami replies in a calm voice, absentmindedly, adjusting his seatbelt. “More like catastrophically-y, aged…like a good wineeee.” You interrupt him in slurred words and half-lidded eyes. 

Not giving a second thought to your misplaced praise, he finishes and glances at you to check your seatbelt, to find it irresponsibly absent. “Put your seatbelt on, please.”

Unwittingly ignoring him due to your quick shift between awake and sleep. He repeats the request and waits. 

“(Y/N), please, put your seatbelt on.” 

A pained sigh leaves his lips before his mouth sets in a firm line, and he leans over your already sleeping form.

This girl is going to be the end of me… 

His hand grabs for the seatbelt and pulls it over your torso, adjusting it correctly until can hear the click and checking his work, finds the belt tangled awkwardly right in the middle of your heaving chest. 

“Damn it.”

The blonde sorcerer whispers under his breath and smoothly hovering over you again, lightly grabs the wronged strap in between his fingers and pulls very weakly as to not disturb you, but the stretchy material doesn’t give and has to use both hands to untangle the seatbelt.

“Don’t wake up. Don’t wake up…” he repeats, lowly as a mantra, while his palms smooth against your breast, groping and lightly touching his way as he finally untangles the material and sets it straight. 

His eyes widen at the way the strap presses between your breast making it look rounder and plumper and his mouth waters, skin over his hands tingling at the delicious grazes he was able to steal while innocently arranging you.

Straightening back, Nanami places his seatbelt back on and starts the engine. There’s a long way back to the college and his mind is about to make it even longer.

You are firmly rooted in his brain. 

Throughout all the mission, you were constantly asking him about your sister and that set him on the edge. How was onee-san when she was young? Was she strong? Was she awesome? Where you a couple?

Nanami adored your lovely sister but talk about her still made him sore and sometimes a little guilty…a lot guilty, especially when you where the one asking. Due to a nagging voice in the back of his head always reminding him how blatantly lusted after the love of his life's, little sister.

He must admit felt thankful for the curse to be a higher rank that he had planned, due to that distracted you enough for him to change the subject.

But now, there is no curse to distract him, and his more dangerous thoughts are up to make him feel awfully driven.

He shouldn't have touched you, but he didn't want you to be uncomfortable.

How naive of me. The ex-salary man thinks, annoyed. 

The darkness surrounds the road while the car passes through the deserted lane and Nanami can feel how his pants are getting tighter while his mind plays thousands of scenarios where you are the protagonist. 

A long sigh abandons his tight lips and slowing the car, finds a curve to stop. 

He feels odd. 

Nanami is not only exhausted but also embarrassingly aroused. 

Leaning back against his seat, shuts his eyelids and takes a couple of deep gulps of air until his heart stops drumming so hard. Able to hear his thoughts again, relaxes and places a warm palm on top of his stranding erection and forces his mind into a calm state of relaxation.

In and out, in and out, he heaves.

Opening his eyes, finds the light of the city in front of him…when did I park here?...and realizes is parked in an abandoned parking lot which lies lighten up only by the bright lights of the throbbing city near a steep cliff.

The ex-salary man remembers that place from fond memories but doesn’t remember making the turn to get there. 

Odd. 

Cocking his head to the side, glances back at you and finding you deep asleep. He dares to palm his throbbing erect member though the suit pants. Light nibbles at his lower lip aids him to repress a moan and he ponders.

Maybe just some strokes to calm me down…she’s deep sleep…Its irresponsible for me to drive this… distracted.

He’s not even going to take himself out, stroking himself under the fabric would serve him right. Unzipping his pants, his hand merely slips under the fabric to wrap around his engorged length. 

Slowly strokes up and down, from the base to the tip in fluid and regular motions.

Looking at you the entire time through his amber lenses, he lets his mind wander about the thousands of possibilities that laid between your warm thighs, and it takes just a minute for him to close his eyes to enjoy his little fantasy and for a loud moan to freely depart his sealed lips.

Nanami keeps stroking, a little faster, a little firmer… when suddenly feels faint air fan his face.

Instantly, opens his eyes to find your beautiful (e/c) orbs, gazing down at his erect cock. Fully at display, at some point, had pull himself out and now he was fucked.

Embarrassingly mortified is about to cover himself and mutter a fast apology when your words stop him cold.

“Your balls are so full…” You express, matter-of-factly, stare firmly set on his exposed flesh. “May I help you relieve the stress, Nanami? After all it is my fault–”

Your cotton-candy, mellow mewl informs and he realizes your words don’t make sense, why would it be your fault?Perhaps, you knew of his sick infatuation with you? Maybe you were aware of how frequently his mind fluttered around you… or, maybe he has been painfully obvious, and you just like to see him, troubled and strained. Having his permanent stare on your every move. 

But before your words sink completely to find a proper meaning, your body is in motion. Undoing your seatbelt, you climb out of your seat and straddle him for a moment too short for his delight, to then carefully slip in between his open thighs and comfortably, occupy the space under the steering wheel.

“Are you comfortable?” 

You ask and the experienced sorcerer is too stunned to answer. Mouth agape, he witnesses as your tiny hand shyly grazes his sack to then cup it and begin to do a generous massage.

Nanami can’t stop the pleasurable tremble that kidnaps his entire frame, and he blasts. 

“Stop-” his firm request dies in his parted lips when your wet lips join sucking the smooth skin covering his heavy balls and a long, raspy groan fills the car.

You dedicate all your mind in the task and closing your eyes in concentration, ignore how his throbbing member rests over your face, delivering soft, faint slaps each time you suck too eagerly. 

Nanami is getting there way too quickly, your inexpert massage combined with the fervent licks and sucks are unfairly disarming him, his thick thighs are sprawled on either side of you and remembering how to breath, sets on a personal quest to prevent from cumming. 

Not that he doesn’t want to see your cute little face dripping in his murky essence, is more that he doesn’t want to face you after.

Finally getting his shit together, comes back from ecstasy and is able to think straight again. 

What he plans to be a firm demand is highly questionable.

“Stop right now-… (y/n) …you don’t know-” gasps, “what you a-are doing…to me-” squinting his eyes, his mouth opens slightly to gulp more air. 

“Am I doing it wrong, Nanami?” Your pouty lips abandon his scrotum, and you glance up at him looking like a scolded puppy.

Nanami’s heart clenches watching you pout like that. You look so eager to please him and he feels so eager to let you.

This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong… 

Loudly sighing, cools his mind and letting all his good senses be melt by you, asks the only question that is able to formulate. “…Are you sure?”

There’s a pregnant silence and he, anxiously, waits.

He wants you so bad, shamefully remembers how tempted felt to touch you more in your sleep. To slide his hand between your open legs under the fabric of your skirt, to grope under your uniform shirt and feel the softness of your skin. But he isn’t that kind of man. He only takes when given.

Finally, you nod, and he gently denies his head. 

“I need verbal–” 

“I’m sure, Nanami.” You reply, rapidly but shyly. “Please-e let me help you.” You stammer, weakly and a cute blush spread over your cheeks.

It’s enough for Nanami.

Opening his pants, a little wider, he strokes his shaft, invitingly and you lean up on your bended knees to let your tongue run from the roundness of his scrotum and up his thick length, leaving a wet line of delirious tingles along your way up. Your pink tongue flattens a visible vein at the side and your lips wrap, slowly, around the tip.

Nanami wasn’t expecting this level of compromise at suck him off and his mind goes uncontrollably, wild and foggy.

Your pink lips are devoutly hugging the tip, delivering slow and wet cat licks until you feel your head be pushed from the back and you are forced to engulf almost six inches of raw meat, slipping down your delicate throat, roughly. 

The bulbous head of his cock faintly hits the back of your throat, and he gasps, loudly.

“Please…” the sorcerer mewls, “open wider-” bucks into your mouth, eyes tightly closed. “WIDER...” the blonde commands, in a tight voice and his palm presses harder against the back of your nape. His hips start to move, humping your narrow mouth, taking your head in his hands to dip his cock as his thrusts ignite a rhythm. 

You whine and his eyes open to look at your glossy eyes looking up at him, lips stretched around his shaft, mouth full of him, nose hitting his pubic bone with each lunge as his plump balls coat in spit falling from your drooling lips. 

You are too much to take in. You are too fucking much. Nanami is losing it. Your fingers are digging at his thighs and your cheeks resolutely hollow to try to suck him deeper. 

Desperately, trying to achieve his needy command.

It's so wrong, so despicable of him to be filling you so utterly good. It's like your mouth was carved around his erect cock.  

Tears run down your cheeks and Nanami doesn’t even try to slow his pace or alternate from hitting the back of your throat to let you breathe. 

He’s far gone to gift you with those courtesies, he gave several warnings and even more chances to leave him be. 

But your stubborn self-refused to listen, now the only thing can do is take his glasses off to place them over your eyes and slip them up the bridge of your nose, to lower the pang of enthusiasm that your wet eyelashes mixed with how much you are struggling, arouses him.

Needs to keep a little control over himself, you are so inexpert he might break you, if let's go completely. 

You look so good; it is taking all in him to not thrust faster. You are as breathtaking as your sister once was.

And it hits him, his eyes narrowing at the realization, you are way better. 

“Never thought I would say this…but i think you look even prettier than your sister used to look when she sucked me off after classes-” he praises, drawing a large hand down your cheek to tilt your drooling chin up and guide your mouth to swallow more of his length until feels your agitated breath fan against his pubic skin and he holds, lightly. 

“Breathe through your nose.” Indicates, in a calm voice. “You wanted to know more about her…” You blush at the mention of your beloved onee-san and your current state, but Nanami’s seems fairly relaxed, “…haven’t you been pestering me about that all day?”

Gagging tears run down behind amber glasses at the same time you nod, weakly and whipping them gently with his thumbs, he continues.

“The first time I fucked her dumb was after we defeat a special class curse…she had your exact age, we both were so young-” his voice was thick with something you couldn’t decipher but the way he looks down at you, tells miles about how serious he’s been. “I pressed her against the hard concrete and ram her from behind without letting her adjust to the girth of my cock…” you sharply inhale trying to pull your head back and he pulls you back in and holds you still between his strong hands. “I said, breathe through your nose.”

The stoic blonde waits for you to stop gagging, softly petting your hair and once your pulse is steady again, he continues sharing. “It was not gentle or romantic, in the least, pure and raw passion-…” his orbs roll to the side as if remembering and faintly grinning, he admits. “She even let me strip her bare in that filthy place, to mount her against everything we could put her on…” his right palm slides down your throat in a measured motion, palming with the pad of his fingers at your delicate neck to figure how deep inside you, he is.

Lightly nudging finds the head of his cock at the top of your delicate neck and he hums, approvingly at how deep your swallowed him being your first time. You were certainly struggling to keep him nestled inside, yet he isn’t ready to leave your warmth.

“At first, she couldn’t swallow me whole but after hard training I loosen her throat enough to hug my cock at its fullest… just like you are struggling to do right now…” his fingers tap playfully against your swollen neck, and you groan.

Whirling your tongue around his tip, as your last attempt to unbalance him enough to pull back, finally succeed and he moans huskily, to then pull you off from the hair, lips making a loud pop sound when your mouth leaves. 

You pant, heavily. Tears run wild down your strained cheeks as you swallow some spit to moisten your sullen throat. 

Trying to catch your breath, you feel the rim of his coat sleeve gently cleaning the drool from your mouth, soft and precise wipes as if polishing fragile china and his large hand cups your jaw delivering a mindful massage while his other hand threads his long fingers inside the strands of your hair and both palms dutifully lower the pain cause by his previous roughness.

“I apologize, just wanted to make a point.” He simply states as if that explained everything. You look at him, confusion swimming in your round puffy eyes and he sighs, innocently cocking his head at you. “Your sister and I had a very special relationship, based in raw trust and the most pure and unprejudiced understanding.” 

You weren’t dumb and his secret innuendo didn’t pass unnoticed. It was more than obvious that they knew each other fairly well to share their kinks and deepest secrets and trusted each other enough to not feel judged when they did. 

You want that, you want Nanami to claim you as he once claimed your sister. You want Nanami to trust you as he trusted her.

“I want to be like her!” you proclaim, heatedly. “I can take it.”    

You say, staring directly into his eyes, determination shinning in your orbs. Nanami shakes his head, pleasantly surprise and in a lazy motion takes back his glasses, bumping the tip of your nose with his index finger before putting the amber glass back on the bridge of his nose.

The experienced sorcerer leans, surrounding the steering wheel with both his arms and whispers in a husky, joyful voice. 

“Want me to train you like I train your onee-san?” A mischievous smirk stretches his mouth, and you marvel at how handsome he looks when he’s relaxed.

You nod, eagerly. 

“Fine.” He speaks. “I’ll train you.”

Your eyes round with excitement and he grins at your sparkling attitude. 

“Lesson one.” You lean closer, attentive for his next words. “Breathe through your nose.” 

A wide smile stretches your face, beautiful and full of joy and he feels butterflies flying inside his stomach when you say his name.

“Nanami.” 

“Nanami…”

“Nanami Kento!”

The blonde opens his eyes, startled and confusion raids his usually stoic features. 

“Nanami-” You call once again, this time softer. “You fell sleep.” You swiftly explain and glancing around finds the car where he left it, at the side of the lane and not in the parking lot near the cliff. 

Damn it! Dammit! I dreamed all…? What a magnificent asshole I am…that was the lividest dream I’ve ever had…Damn it…Damn it…

“I know.” His voice is thick and clearing his throat, his face goes back to plain and indifferent. “Just resting my eyes…to continue safely.”

You accept his answer, easily.

“Classic Nanami,” you beam. “So trustworthy.” Smiling adds. “I feel so safe around you.”

His mouth sets in a straight line and he starts the car again, feeling a whole lot more guilty.

The trip is fast and silent, and you attribute it to him being tired. But you couldn’t be more wrong. 

The experienced sorcerer is deep in thought, more like deep in regret. Analyzing every aspect of his wet dream, can only come to the conclusion that he is in desperate need of placing you in your sister’s shoes. 

Probably is being unfair to that prerogative, what he really wants is for you to want to be in your sister’s shoes. 

For you to want and need him as much as he does with you. Is that too much to ask? He thinks not. 

Reaching the school, he stops at the entrance, and you hop down the car, bouncing skirt claims his entire attention and snapping out of it, Nanami quickly says his goodbyes with a fast motion of his hand.

The motor roars and before he leaves, you turn around and point at his face through the open window. 

“Hey Nanami!” he turns to look at you, holding a stare that’ll worry you, if it weren’t being hidden behind his glasses, and ignoring his throbbing need, you cleverly proclaim. 

“You are blushing!” 

Damn it. 

➡️ JJK NSFW ART

[elssero]

overheard.

k.bakugo

-in which bakugo overhears you talking about him with the girls... super whipped bakugo. cute confessions.

he knows he shouldn’t have followed him.

when sero dared him and denki to listen in on your conversations during girls night he knew it was wrong.

he knew it was wrong when he got up to follow his friend, he knew it was wrong on the walk to the room and he knows that it’s wrong now- while his ear is pressed against the door.

he doesn’t know why he followed denki- all he knows is that he’s now found himself pressed up against the wall- breathing silently as to not alert any of you of their position.

he can hear the conversation surprisingly clearly- it’s something stupid about your celebrity crushes- he wasn’t aware that girls were so.. vulgur?

“wait okay i’ve got a good one-“ it’s mina he hears- her loud voice clear as day as she begins her question- “if you had to go on a date with one of the guys in our class- who would it be?”

gasps burst throughout the room at the end of her question- giggles coming from a few of you-

he feels denki nudge his side- when he looks to the left he sees a knowing look in the boy eyes.

it’s not a secret as to who’s answer he wants to hear- it’s yours. it just so happens that almost every single one of his friends had somehow figured out about his little crush on you- everyone but you at least.

“okay okay- i’ll go first-” he doesn’t make care for minas answer, she says something about kirishima before admitting she could never actually date him- they’re too close for that. so she settles on todoroki.

gasps of surprise seem to come from the girls after that answer- “it’s not an actual crush!- he’s just handsome!”

it’s hagakure who goes next- she makes a small comment about todoroki that mina quickly agrees with before making the final decision on ojiro-

uraraka refuses to answer- teasing questions are asked about izuku- or iida? bakugo is forced to hold in a scoff.

“cmon yn! you gottta tell us!” the mention of your name brings bakugo back to focus, ears perking up as to not miss your answer.

“okay- you guys have to promise not to judge.” the excited squeals of the girls are followed with an array of promises not to judge you-

“well if i had too- it would probably be bakugo.”

his heart is beating faster than it ever has before- you just said his name. his name. out of everyone in your class you’d want him.

oh. oh.

the laughs from the girls are completely tuned out as bakugo begins to take in what you’d said. squeals of excitement are quickly turned into a bombarding of questions.

“but- why? he’s such a dick?” laughs are heard from jirou as she questions you- bakugo is too infested in your answer to take note of the insult.

“well- i guess that’s kinda what i like about him?” confused murmurs are heard from the girls surrounding you- urging you to continue.

“yes he’s loud- and obnoxious- but i guess i can’t help but find that- almost charming?”

words of disagreement leave your friends mouths.

it’s only when denki taps his shoulder when he realises his friend is still stood next to him- his jaw is dropped as he looks at the blonde. it takes him a second before he realises he feels the heat in his face- a clear blush across his features.

bakugo turns away in an instant- making his way back to the kirishimas room where they had been previously hanging out.

he slams the door behind him and denki hard- immediately pressing his back against the door letting his head fall back as he gains his breathe.

“so? what did you guys hear?” he can’t even answer sero when he asks- far too busy thinking about what you had said-

“oh- just that if yn had to go out on a date with anyone in the class, it would be our bakugo-” he could slap denki right now- if he wasn’t so starstruck.

kirishima jumps up immediately- wrapping an arm around his friends shoulders. “bakugo- man this is great! you totally have a shot!”

he wants to answer- tell his friends to shut up- but his throat feels dry and the words won’t come out, still attempting to get ahold on his breathing he shoves kirishima away from him.

“i- i fuck i don’t know how to do this shit.”

“don’t worry about it man- we’ll wingman you-” kirishima’s words of encouragement are swiftly cut off by a knock at the door. despite not knowing who it is- a pit forms in bakugos stomach.

slowly and silently bakugo moves away from the door to allow his red haired friend to greet whoever is on the other side.

“hey- is bakugo in here? i need to talk to him.” he hears your voice from his spot behind the door as he sinks into the corner, his heart rate begins to sore once again.

“yeah he’s here!” the grip on his shirt is strong as it pulls him out of his hiding spot- now finding himself face to face with you as you eye him suspiciously.

you don’t say anything as you turn away- he watches you walk without moving, feet glued to the floor. kirishima pushes him out the door whispering a quick good luck.

he follows you down the hall- you take a look around you before taking a left, seemingly looking for an empty space.

his heart is beating out of his chest so fast he’s afraid you might hear it, he watches you walking in front of him in complete silence, it feels like torture.

you stop at the end hall and before turning around to look behind him- your making sure your alone before you finally turn to look at him again.

you stare at him expectingly and he feels his stress levels rise- he needs to know what you want from him and now.

“we heard you.” his previously ferociously beating heart feels as though it’s stopped- falling flat into his stomach.

“w-what’re you talking about?” if the stutter in his usually brash voice isn’t enough- you know that bakugo isn’t an idiot, and you know that he’s aware exactly what your talking about-

“earlier- you were eavesdropping on us.” the temperature in the hall feels as through its increasingly rising- he feels the tips of his ears getting warmer the longer you look at him for.

“i-ive got no idea what your talking about.” you take a step closer to him now- he has to stop himself from scurrying away.

“so it wasn’t you outside mina’s form earlier?” a lump forms in bakugos throat- he feels pathetic, how can he manage to be so strong but completely crumble when it came to you?

“we did some eavesdropping of our own.” bakugo watches as the look in our eye changes- casting a teasing look as you continue.

“what exactly was it that you and your friends were just talking about?”

he wants to answer you- he truly does. he feels the weight of the feelings he’s had for you since last year, he wants needs to tell you.

he remembers all the stolen glances he gives you, how sometimes he would catch your eye and it would plague his thoughts for days after.

the things he wishes he could do with you come to mind, the list of spots he’s found that he’s certain you’d love- that he’d love to show you.

he thinks about how he wants to be there for you, to be the person you reach for, your safe space.

he wants to tell you.

“you- we were talking about you” he blurts it out before he can think about it properly, your eyes widen slightly, clearly taken aback.

“it’s always you.” he takes a deep breath before he continues, deciding not to rush himself.

“your the first thing i think of when i wake up- and the last thing i think of before i fall asleep. i- fuck- i think about you all the time.” he holds your stare as he continues- hoping- praying you can reciprocate his feelings.

“i can’t get you out of my head and- i’ve never felt like this before-“ taking long breath- the tension in this stupid hallway seems to only be growing before he closes his eyes.

“i like you- alot.”

silence follows his confession- bakugos eyes still glued shut as his breathes deepen, hands slightly shaking as they rest by his sides.

he opens his eyes slowly- half expecting you to have walked away before he catches the first glimpse of your face. that stupid smile plastered on it.

he takes you in- his eyes now fully open as you looks in you in a daze, you finally begin to speak.

“i know.” it’s almost a whisper when you say it- the weight of your words not fully settled in before his initial confused disappears- he can’t help the way that the tone of your voice makes him feel instantly comfortable.

“i like you too.”

[sergeantbarnessdoll]

Bucky is the heir to a large mafia empire. He’s worked his way through the ranks and has accumulated a significant amount of financial wealth in the process. His childhood best friend (whom he’s had a crush on for years on end) from his (their shared) humble beginnings never lets him spoil her in any capacity, no matter how much he tries to explain that it doesn’t truly make a dent in his fortune.

Bucky hires a bodyguard for her, and it takes her a while to catch onto it. When she does, she’s livid. How dare he insinuate that she can’t protect and defend herself?

He explains that he’s not protecting her, he’s protecting his biggest weakness.

She’s not weak, how could she be a weakness to him?

His enemies know that there is absolutely nothing that he wouldn’t do for her. Again, she’s not a weakness, she’s not a weak person— she’s Bucky’s weakness, and not how she thinks.

She accepts his reasoning (begrudgingly) and facetiously asks him if he wants to get married so they can’t be forced to testify against each other in court.

He says “yes” so quickly that she finally realizes that her feelings have been reciprocated the entire time.

Mob!AU with a childhood best friends-to-lovers appetizer and an idiots-to-lovers side dish (yum 😏)

Protect Myself » Bucky Barnes (AU)

Pairings: Mafia Boss/Best Friend!Bucky Barnes x Best Friend!Female Reader

Summary: You get mad when you find out bucky has hired a bodyguard to help protect you. You make it very clear to him that you can protect yourself. The conversation takes an interesting and unexpected turn.

Warnings: Fluff, language, Best Friends to Lovers/Idiots In Love, Bucky is a big softie in this, kissing, pet names

A/N: Thank you to the lovely anonymous person who requested this🩵

Written on my phone. My apologies for any mistakes.

Header made by @buckys-wintersoldier

GIF IS NOT MINE! Credit goes to the creator.

You stormed into Bucky’s mansion full of angry without knocking. You were stopped by one of his security guards.

“Ma’am.” The security guard stepped in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. “You need an appointment to see Mr. Barnes.” He tells you.

“I don’t need an appointment to see my own best friend.” You say.

You tried to walk past him, but he stopped you by grabbing your arm.

“Get your fucking hands off of me!” You say loudly.

Bucky heard the sound of your voice from his office all the way upstairs. He stood up from his desk and walked out of his office. He went downstairs to see you with his security guard’s hand on you.

“Take your hands off of her.” Bucky demands to his security guard.

“Sir, she-” His security guard stopped talking when he seen a look on Bucky’s face that he knows all too well.

His security guard let go of you. You glared at him before walking past him to get to Bucky.

“Go upstairs to my bedroom and I’ll be there in a minute.” Bucky says.

You nodded and went to his bedroom. Bucky looked at his security guard.

“Y/N is welcome here anytime.” He tells him. “And never, I mean never, put your hands on her again or you’re fired. Do you understand?” He says.

“I understand, sir. It won’t happen again.” The security guard says.

Bucky told him to go back to work before going upstairs to his bedroom where you are. He closed the door behind him.

“Sit down.” You demanded, pointing at the bed.

Bucky didn’t say a word and sat down on his bed.

“You and I have been best friends for years and I want to know what was going through your mind when you hired a bodyguard for me.” You say.

“To protect you.” He simply says.

“I can protect myself, James.” You say.

Bucky knows you can protect yourself. He didn’t hire the bodyguard to protect you. Well, he did, but he did it for a different reason.

“I know you can protect yourself.” He says.

“Then explains why you hired a bodyguard for me.” You say, crossing your arms over your chest.

“For a weakness.” He says.

“What weakness?” You asked. “I’m not weak.” You say.

You’re the strongest woman bucky knows. He knows you’re not weak.

“My weakness.” He said. “You’re my weakness.” He says.

“What?” You asked.

“You’re my weakness.” He repeats. “I have a lot of enemies and I don’t want anything to happen to you.” He explains.

Now you feel bad for yelling and throwing accusations at him. Bucky was always protective of you, even as kids. You should’ve know that right away, but didn’t think about it.

“If one of them got their hands on you somehow, I would be out for blood.” He says.

There it is… his soft side. Bucky is only a softie for you. He may be a big badass mafia boss to everyone, but deep down he’s just a big softie who has a crush on his best friend who he’s known all of his life.

“What are you trying to say, Bucky?” You asked.

“I love you.” Bucky blurted out. “That’s why I hired a bodyguard for you.” He says.

Your eyes went wide in surprise. James Buchanan Barnes, your best friend and a badass mafia boss, is in love with you.

“So…” You mused at the thought in your head for a moment. “Do you want to get married?” You asked facetiously.

“Yes.” Bucky answers too fast.

You opened your mouth and then closed it. You didn’t expect Bucky to say yes that fast.

Bucky reaches over to his nightstand and opened the drawer, grabbing a small velvet box. Your eyes went wide again and your mouth fell open, already knowing what’s in that small box.

“Question is…” Bucky got down on one knee and opened the small velvet box, revealing the most beautiful diamond ring you’ve ever seen. “Do you want to get married?” He asks.

You were speechless. You didn’t know what to say. What you do know is that you would be lying if you said you didn’t love him.

“Bucky, I-” You were too speechless to say anything. “What about our friendship?” You asked.

“That’s the beauty of marriage, sweetheart. We’ll still be best friends no matter what.” He says with a smile.

You stared at the diamond ring for a moment longer before answering his question.

“Yes!” You finally answered. “I’ll marry you.” You say with a smile.

Bucky smiles widely and put the ring on your ring finger. He stood up straight and kissed you passionately.

“I get to choose our honeymoon destination.” You say against his lips.

“I’m completely fine with that as long as I’m with you.” He says, kissing you again.

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

-Bucky’s Doll

[eyesxxyou]

" Tender Peaches " ( j. miller )

rating. m

word count. 3.4k

synopsis. you've longed for Joel since you were young but being Sarah's best friend meant he was entirely off limits. until sarah invites you to the millers spring break camping trip and you finally get to have your way with him

warnings. No outbreak!, controversial age gap (reader is 19, Joel is nearing 40), implied fem reader, pining, predatory behavior (from reader), maneater reader, reader really can't take no for an answer, betrayal, guilt, tent sex, wilderness sex, kinda exhibitionism, oral (m. receiving), intercourse, cumshot on back, not proofread, not edited

It wasn't Joel's idea for you to come along on the Millers family camping trip. Sarah had insisted that you, her best friend and college roommate, be included. “They’ve been my best friend for years, since highschool. They’re family too.” You’ve been coming over to their house since you met Sarah at 16. You’ve been invited to every barbeque, every “family” outing, and have had countless sleepovers, giggling in Sarah's room into the late night about relationships and celebrity crushes. There's no reason why you wouldn't be able to come with them to their camping trip.

If it had been any other time, Joel would have said you could come and that would have been the end of it. But it wasn't too long ago, on your 19th birthday, when you came on to him. You found him while Sarah was in the bathroom and admitted to him boldly that you’ve had a crush on him since you and Sarah became friends but you never said anything. Wanted to wait until you were all grown up before you did.

Joel didn't know what to say. He had never initially thought of you that way. You were too young. His eyes simply glazed over you and wrote you off entirely. But now you weren't so young, coming to him with all the tenderness of a lovesick girl. So when you kissed him, he did not refuse you. Your lips were soft and tasted fruity, like sweet peaches.

You broke away from him quickly when you heard the bathroom door open. It's been months and neither of you had brought it up, not even a peep.

But how could he say no to his babygirl who pleaded with him and begged like a puppy. So Joel conceited, agreeing that you could go with a kiss on her forehead that sealed his fate.

You were at the Miller house late the next evening with a bag slung over your shoulder. You hugged Sarah tight, chin resting on her shoulder, your eyes trained on Joel who tried his hardest not to catch your gaze. You watched him swallow hard, adams apple bobbing under the thin skin of his throat.

Tommy came from outside. “Here, darlin’, lemme grab your bags and toss ‘em in the back.” You broke from your hug with Sarah and handed him your bags. “Thanks, uncle Tommy.” You were so integrated with the Millers that you even called Tommy your uncle. Joel, however, was always “Mr. Miller”. What always used to seem so respectful and innocent now held a predatory, seductive inflection to it.

“Let's hit the road.” Joel brushed past you, his arm grazing yours. “Wanna get to the camp ground before dark.”

You and Sarah were in the backseat together, giggling and whispering amongst yourselves while Joel and Tommy sat in the front. The campgrounds were an hour and a half drive out of the city, all of which were spent with the sweet background noise of youthful laughter.

Joel glanced into the rearview mirror to look at you. You had your head tossed back, giggling at something Sarah had told you. Your smile was gleaming, your skin glowing under the broad sunlight. You were dressed in little shorts that hugged your hips and the curve of your ass right as well as a black tube top that showed off the straps of your red bikini top. Sarah had told you there was a lake and you planned on taking a swim.

You brought your head back down and managed to catch a glimpse of Joel’s gaze in the mirror. There was a subtle shift in your smile, one only Joel could recognize. It changed from carefree, childish joy to something far nefarious. He turned his head to face the window and you took the time to admire him, his scruffy brown beard and messy curls on his head. You liked his soft, down-turned eyes and his large, hooked nose. His lips which you once briefly tasted pressed into a thin line.

Arriving at the campground, you and Sarah hopped out of the back of the truck and took off running towards the lake in a fit of laughter while Joel and Tommy got to work unloading everything and setting stuff up. You stripped down to your swimming suit, a two-piece bikini tied at your hips and around your neck. You ran off the pier and jumped into the water with a scream while Sarah sat at the edge and dipped her feet in the water.

Spending around 20 minutes in the water with you, Sarah let out a sigh. “I’m bored. Gonna go help Dad and Uncle Tommy set up. Don’t drown while I'm gone.” 

You smiled. “Won't make any promises,” you teased, laughing as she splashes you with her foot before standing. She slipped her feet into her sandals and gave you one last glance and a grin before walking uphill towards your campsite to help set up tents with the Miller boys.

You swam about by yourself for a few minutes, floating on your back. Your mind swam with thoughts of Joel. You’ve been dropping hint after hint that you would, at any moment, give yourself over to him if he so desired. Maybe he was getting them and just ignoring them; you were his daughter's best friend after all. What kind of father fucks his daughter's friend? What kind of friend tries to fuck their friend’s dad?

You perked up at the sound of footsteps. Over the hill came Joel with his booted feet and lumbering steps. You swam to the pier to meet him as he squatted down at the edge. “Sarah wanted me to make sure you hadn't drowned.” That was a real, but feeble, excuse.

You put your arms up on the pier by his feet and looked up at him through long, wet lashes that clung together. “That so?” Joel hummed. “What else would I be here for, peach?” He’s called you “peach” ever since you kissed him, a wink and a nudge, a sweet callback, a sign that maybe this wasn't all one-sided.

“I don't know. You tell me.”

“I'm not playing this game with you.”

“What game?” You asked him with a few bats of your eyes, playing innocent. Joel’s jaw tightened as he looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was coming down the hill or within range to hear him growl at you. He grabbed your arm and leaned in close. “You shouldn't have kissed me that day.”

You pouted, bottom lip jutted out dramatically. “Why not, Mr. Miller? I thought you liked it.”

“I-” Joel sighed and pressed his fingers to his temples. He did like it, too much maybe. Maybe he thought about it more than he should have, maybe the lingering taste of peaches on his lips made him hard. You could see it all over his face. “It’s wrong,” he tried to explain to you. “And I’m not doing this with you.” It’s the first acknowledgement you both have ever given to the situation since you kissed him.

You know if Sarah ever found out about your obsession with her father, she’d drop you fast and hate you forever. That should be reason enough for you to drop your crush on him all together. But you just can't, not when you know that a small part of him wanted you to.

“I think I’m done swimming.” You got out of the lake and hopped up on the pier, allowing Joel to step back before you stood up, dripping wet. Droplets cling to your body, rolling down the curves and valleys of your skin. You are no little girl, not with that body, not with the tenacious hunger you possessed for him.

You took your clothes and walked back to camp with Joel trailing behind, stealing shameful glances at your body.

Camp was mostly set up by the time you were done swimming. The tents were set up, Tommy was working on getting a fire going while Sarah lounged in a fold up chair, snacking on a bag of chips. “Me and you are sharing a tent.” She pointed to the gray one to the side.

“I’m gonna take this stuff off and change. I’ll be back.” You glance back at Joel, watching the way he purposely ignored you to go help Tommy who was struggling with the fire.

You were in the tent for only a few minutes before coming out in the same tiny blue, jean shorts you were wearing before and a crimson red camisole top. You had tied your hair back to expose your supple neck, stepped out in strap sandals. You were pretty.

Joel could just light himself on fire to avoid this mess you’ve created for him. You were far too young for a man his age. Even if that wasn't a problem, Sarah loved you like a sister and would be heartbroken if she knew he had done anything with you. She'd hate the both of you forever. God, why must you do this?

Night came fast over your campsite. The fire crackled and popped before your eyes as you roast marshmallows for s’mores and reflect on past memories spent together. Sarah leaned up against her father who kept his arm around her and kissed her head tenderly. Her eyes weighed heavy with sleepiness.

“Go to bed, baby.” Joel nudged her softly. You decided you’d take her to your shared tent and tuck her into her sleeping bag. It would get her out of the way temporarily. It’s easier to get at Joel when Sarah isn't keeping you apart.

You stayed with her in the tent with her head in your lap while she slowly fell away into slumber. You waited, listened to the fire and the soft murmuring of Joel and Tommy. You were sure Tommy said something about heaving off to his tent to get to sleep and that him and Joel would go fishing in the morning. Old men.

You waited, hoping, praying that Joel hadn't gone to his tent as well. And when you were sure Sarah was fast asleep, you slipped out from under her and left out of your tent to go back to the fire. Much to your relief, Joel was still there, roasting a single marshmallow crispy.

“You waiting for me, Mr. Miller?”

Joel put down his stick slowly and laced his fingers. He didn't look at you, his face firm and stoic. He wouldn't give himself away. He couldn't. He said nothing to you, not even as you came over and sat down beside him. You pressed your side to his, looking at him with your doe-ish eyes and tonguing at your fiendish lips.

“Please don't tell me I’m crazy.”

Joel finally looks at you, his eyes softening. He ran a hand down his face with a stressful sigh. “You’re not crazy, peach. You’re very pretty and as much as I’d like to show you a good time, you’re too young.” You move closer to him, pressing your whole body to his. You took his hand in yours and slid it under your shirt, bringing it to your bare chest where you were very well-developed.

You leaned into him, your nose grazing his. “I’m old enough to know how much I want you. Old enough for you to not get in trouble for ‘showing me a good time’.” You were so soft. His hand groped at you, your softness. Joel knew he should stop, rip his hand from you and tell you off for good, but he wondered if your lips still tasted like peaches.

Lips so close, he could almost taste you, Joel whispered, “but Sarah.”

“Sarah doesn’t have to know.” 

You leaned in and pressed your lips to Joel’s. You liked the way his lips fit with yours, all soft and sweet and timid. All he could think about was how your lips still tasted the same and you still kissed him with the eager zeal of a young girl with her long time crush. You pressed yourself into him and slid your hands into his hair, burning your fingers in the thicket of his loose curls.

You pressed your tongue to the seam of Joel’s lips and he offered no resistance as you pushed into his mouth and felt his tongue on yours. His hands gripped your waist under your shift and pulled you ever closer. You let out a muffled gasp into his mouth as he stroked his tongue against yours. It was a messy affair, desperate, quiet gasps between hushed whispers about being quiet.

“We should go to your tent.” You murmured against his lips, breaking away from the kiss. You let his hands slip from under your shirt as you stood. With a smile, gleaming and mischievous, you backed into his green tent and slipped away behind the door flap. You coaxed Joel in with your promise of young, thoroughly athletic sex, and like a fish to a hook, he took the bait.

He followed you into his tent, zipping up the flap behind him before turning back to you. He could barely see you, just your silhouette pulling off your shirt over your head and fiddling with the button to your shorts. Joel took the time to find his flashlight and turn it on, setting it to the side.

By the time his eyes adjusted to the light, you were topless, in just a pair of white, cotton panties. You were the prettiest little thing Joel ever did see. He coaxed you towards him, made you sit in his lap, and kissed you with his fingers playing with the band of your pretty, little panties. You kissed him hard, hips rolling against the fly of his jeans.

Your fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, tugging it up and over his head and tossing elsewhere in the corner of the tent. You kissed at Joel’s neck. “Lemme suck your cock. Please, Mr. Miller?” You whisper into his ear, licking the lobe as your hands rub across his thick belt, slowly working it undone.

Joel was salivating, breathing hard and heavy. He nodded slowly with a sigh and watched you slide off of his lap and onto your knees between his legs. You could see the growing outline of his cock pressed down the pant leg of his jeans. He let you work his restraints free and pull out his cock without so much as a moment to stop you.

You were licking in no time. His cock resting on your face as you licked a single long vein that led from his heavy balls to the leaky tip of his cock. You look him in the eyes through the dim lighting as you take his tip into your mouth and suckle sweetly, tongue stroking at his slit. You take a sick pleasure in watching Joel struggle to keep quiet, biting his lip as he glares at you.

You let your mouth fall open slack and pushed your head down. Your throat was open to him, taking him in with quiet gurgles and choking. Joel placed his hand on your head and tossed his head back against the fabric of the tent. “You keep it up, peach.” He hissed through his teeth as you took him further and further with a few ‘gluck’s and teary eyes. You were far too good at this as you pressed your nose into his bush and swallowed his cock down like a bad girl.

You’re too good at this, too good. A skilled little minx with that tongue of yours with doe eyes that don't seem so innocent anymore. You were lying on your stomach, kicking your feet in the air, glucking down his cock like it was your favorite flavor of lollipop. You were taking too much joy in this. After all, you’ve been dreaming of doing this since you met him at your childish age of 16, the blooming of your adolescent sexuality all focused on him.

And when you took him from your throat, stroking him in your hand, you got up from your lying position and kissed Joel again, all tongue and teeth and peachy lips. You hummed into his mouth, tasting like fruit and precum. 

Leaning back, you parted your legs and slipped off your panties, tossing them to him with your foot. Joel caught the cotton in his hands and swiftly tossed it to the side as he came crawling towards you.

You both were naked in no time, kissing too much to know the difference between his lips and yours. Joel flipped you over so you lay with your face pressed into his sleeping bag, back arched perfectly to lead to your temping ass waving so deliciously in front of him.

You looked back at him, begging him to take it, pushing yourself into him to feel the thickness of his length tapping against your ass. “Come on, Mr. Miller. I’ll be quiet, I promise.”

Joel couldn't waste any time easing his way inside of you, nice and slick. You were nothing short of pure heaven, all nice and tight and perfect. He stifled a groan as he pushed into your little paradise and found serene salvation as he bottomed out. It took everything within him not to groan out as he gripped your hips and pulled your ass into him.

You giggled into his sleeping bag that smelled so much like him it made you dizzy. He stretched you out good, like you've always dreamed of. This might not have been your first time fucking but this surly might be the best. Joel stroked your sides as he rolled his hips into your ass and told you, “be quite now, peach.”

You take over all the control, pushing your ass back into him before pulling yourself off and repeating the whole deal all over again. Barely hanging by a thread, Joel met you in the middle with shallow thrust and roaming, groping hands. He gripped the pretty fattiness at your hips with an iron-clad grip, his only semblance of control over himself, while you fisted at his sleeping bag.

His fat cock bullied its way into you, stretching and claiming every square inch of you. You whined, pressing your face into the sleeping bag to keep quiet. “Oh– Mr. Miller!” You pushed back and fucked him hard and he fucked you back with just as much zeal.

“You better keep quiet or one of ‘em are gonna hear us.” Joel hissed, his hand on the back of your skull to keep you pressed into the ground, the other in your hip to keep you moving even as they suffered uncontrollably.

He touched just the right spots to make you cum fast and hard. You were seeing stars, blotty spots in your vision made you feel lightheaded. Your body trembled in an uncontrollable fashion, the sweet relief of an orgasm right on the cusp. You were a squealing, whining mess all tangled up in nylon fabric trying your best to keep quiet while you take the first dick you’ve ever wanted in your life. It was a dream come true.

Joel pulled his cock out of you fast, before he could cum inside. He stroked his cock against the curve of your ass until he came along your spine in wet, white splatters. It was warm against your back. You giggled to yourself, curving your back and wiggling your ass against his softening cock.

Joel knew this was bad, so very bad. But something about its inherently taboo nature made the orgasm all the better. He’d have you for one night, indulge himself just this very once, and then he’d never look at you again. You’d go back to being Sarah's best friend, he’d go back to being Sarah's father, and everything would be as they should be.

You used your shirt to clean off your back, murmuring something about changing into your spare one when you get back to your tent with Sarah. Joel was silent, unsure of what exactly he should say as you slip your clothes back on. He was shell shocked, worse than a world war 2 veteran.

And if all things, you kissed him, gently, like you knew this was a hard thing for him to swallow. All the while, you tasted like tender peaches, blushing with shame.

[purplestanleypinkblanket]

First Kiss With Logan:

Pairings: (DP3 Vers.) Logan Howlett x reader

Summary: After a shitty date, you seek comfort from Wade who threw you a ‘Cherry Popped’ party. It ends up making you feel worse, which leads you into the arms of a man who’s grown fond of you. Logan.

Warnings: Kissing, talking about bad date, cursing, brief mentions of drinking, innuendos to "cherry popping", use of the word virgin. Self-deprecating talk in some areas, from both reader and Logan.

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 2,388

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You hated that you found yourself, seated across from a man who, frankly, hadn't asked you a single question about yourself all night. You also hated how much this man yapped. God, all he did was talk and talk without even the slightest breath. And you hated that you continued to stay seated. Perhaps you were too kind, or maybe you thought you had no right to leave. After all, the man was buying you dinner. It was hard to shake that kind of guilt. You knew you owed him nothing, that it's okay to leave a shitty date- but a part of you wondered if this was all you had going for you. A shitty date, with a shitty man on a shitty afternoon.

As you spaced out your thoughts drifted back to Logan, you wondered if dates with him were like this. What if they weren't? What if he was kind? Well, slightly kinder than normal. He didn't strike you as the pull-your-chair-out-for-you kinda guy, but you had a feeling he would ask you questions instead of yapping your ear off. Maybe he would ask about your day at work, or what you like to do in your free time. Possibly he'd like to hear funny stories about your family. No, that felt too intimate for a first date. Maybe on a third date you'd share those stories with him.

God, what are you even on about right now? You're on a date with a man buying you dinner and you're thinking about Logan! As your eyes looked over the man, you finally tuned back into what he was saying.

"My ex was fucking crazy! That bitch-"

Aaanndd, you lost interest immediately. The more this dude spoke, the more of a dick he sounded. You couldn't help but feel thankful when the date ended. However, the chime of your phone caught your attention during the walk back to your apartment.

'Hey, sugar tits.' Wade's text read. 'Come over, we're celebrating you getting your cherry popped!' That dick knew you weren't a virgin, he just wanted a damn reason to celebrate. What better way to celebrate then partying over your friend not getting laid? It was a cruel joke you really weren't in the mood for but the image of Logan blowing up balloons with Blind Al, a smile just barely tugging at his usually grumpy face...it was hard to say no too. And Wade knew that- its why he sent you the picture after all.

"Fucking dick." You murmured to yourself as you wrapped your cardigan around you tighter, pushing the front door to Wade's apartment open as you did so. The sight was ridiculous, balloons, streamers, wall decor, banners that read 'Pop That Cherry!' draped off the ceiling. You took a mental note to punch Wade in his smart-ass lip later. But, for now, it was nice being in the comfort of your friends. Yes, even the snarky teenager Negasonic and her girlfriend. You were a teenage girl once, but it still didn't stop you getting annoyed when she nitpicked your outfits. It isn't your fault baggy sweaters and legging were literally a godsent.

You trudged your way through the crowded apartment, hand adjusting your white sweater to cover the tank top under it a little better. As you approached Logan and Wade, you grew more aware of the length of your skirt. Was it too long? Too short? Would Logan think it looked good? God, why did you even care what Logan Howlett, labeled the worst wolverine, thought of you? You didn't think he was the worst wolverine. You'd never say it, of course not, because then he'd know you actually liked being around him! Perhaps it was selfish of you to keep yourself so guarded around him, but you couldn't shake the fear of letting down your walls and risking getting hurt. It was scary. Losing that much control. And over what, a feeling?

A hand extending towards you caught your attention, it was Logan, offering you a drink.

"Thank you." You spoke to him, voice quiet compared to the blaring pop music Wade was playing. He grunted in response, but you swear you heard a 'you're welcome.' You brought it to your lips, casually slow sipping the alcohol over the course of the night. It was fun to dance with Vanessa as Wade and Peter tried to convince Logan to join the group. You couldn't help the laugh on your lips when Wade made a snarky comment about Logan's panties being in a twist, earning a threatening unsheathing of claws from logan. You never fully understood the shame Logan felt, even though you tried incredibly hard to. To you, he was amazing, he was strong, he was...well, to say you only admired him would be a lie.

You wished you could show Logan the way you saw him, the way the world saw him. Sure, he was hot, unnecessarily hot, with large biceps and shoulders that went for days. But he was more than that. He was a grump who pushed people away out of fear of hurting them. And to prevent himself from getting hurt. It was ironic, really. Perhaps you and him were more alike than you thought. After a while in the overstimulating party, you slipped away, moving to stand on the balcony. You hadn't been there long, probably thirty minutes? It was nice, listening to your friend's party as you took a break to look at the city.

"Thought I'd find you here." Logan's rough voice spoke as he walked out onto the balcony, shutting the door behind him.

You hummed in response, flashing him a smile as you looked away. Logan could feel his heart skip a beat at your smile- it was always nice when you graced him with it. He'd give anything to see you smile. Hell, he wished he could make you smile and laugh the way Wade and Vanessa did. They matched your morbid sarcastic humor easily. Something he struggled to do. He approached you, leaning onto the railing beside you.

"Congrats on the...uh..."

"I'm not a virgin."

"Oh..."

The silence was awkward between you. You had to purse your lips to prevent you from bursting out in a laugh. You found it hilarious how just one statement suddenly made him go quiet.

"Wade had-" You spoke, trying to stifle your laugh with your hand. "Wade thought it would be funny to throw a 'cherry popped' party because it's been forever since my last date." You revealed, not able to contain your laugh any longer. "It's actually kinda sweet. In a weird way, ya know, Wades weird way." The corners of Logan's mouth lifted slightly at the sound of your laugh. It had always been his favorite sound after meeting you.

"Guess so." Logan contributed to the conversation, bringing the glass beer bottle to his lips. You looked at logan watching as he looked over the city, your eyes analyzing him. His jaw, his hair, the crow's feet by his eyes from his constant state of scowling. Maybe it was the liquid courage you had drank. Or you finally just decided to give Logan a sense of affection. You loved to shower your friends with affection, often times holding Wade as you two watched tv, or Vanessa sitting on your lap as you gossiped. Logan had seen it plenty of times. God, sometimes you even gave Peter affection. Each time he felt a twinge of jealousy, he wanted to be the object of your affectionate touches. Or the way you murmured praise directed at them after a task- he wanted that.

Your hand reached up, gently soothing out some strands of his beard that were in disarray. Logan tensed under your touch, and you immediately pulled away, guilt and embarrassment swarming you.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." You adamantly apologized, face heating up.

"Don't worry about it." Logan roughly said, silently regretting the way you withdrew so quickly. He watched as you tried to subtly put some distance between the two of you- the sting of rejection clear as day on your face. He hadn't meant to reject you; you were reading too much into it. His mind sidetracked as he looked away, maybe he was the one reading too much into it? "How was your date?" He settled on asking, bringing the beer to his lips.

"Shitty." You sighed, frowning.

Logan nodded, waiting for you to continue. Silence falls between you two and he flashed you an expectant glance. You hadn't realized he wanted you to keep talking until he looked at you.

"Oh, uh, there isn't really much to say." You shrugged, looking away. "He didn't ask any questions, just talked about himself the whole time. Was super annoying too." Logan couldn't help the satisfaction that welled in his chest upon hearing your defeated words. It sucked for you, of course it did. But Logan was so glad the date was bad- that way no one could come in, sweep you off your feet, and away from him. He hadn't made a move on you, and he couldn't decide if he ever would. He didn't want to risk hurting you like he had done the others he cared for.

However, the glance of tiredness in your expression when you had looked at him momentarily...he hated it. He hated himself for being so happy your date was bad, and he hated that he wasn't the one you wanted to sweep you off your feet.

"Like...it isn't hard to make a girl feel special. To make her feel like a princess." You laughed with a shake of your head. "I dunno, maybe I'm just expecting too much?" You looked at Logan as you asked, a need for reassurance present.

Logan stared at you; brows furrowed as he analyzed you. The scowl on his features prominent. Believing you had said too much, or you annoyed him with your ramblings, an apology escaped your lips.

"Fuck, sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Princess." Logan's comment snapped you from your rushed apology. "Relax." He had taken that brave step closer to you, facing you fully as his side and arm holding the beer leaned against the balcony railing. He was glad you were comfortable enough to unload that on him and he was determined to keep it that way. "I don't mind." You looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed, lips slightly pursed as your mind ran. That was another thing he liked about you. It was so easy to tell if you were thinking. Your eyebrows always furrowed, your lips pursed into a line, and your eyes always spoke a thousand words.

Despite his better judgement, his hand rose, gently flattening the skin between your eyebrows. The gesture was small, yet it held so much intimacy. You had always been picky about who could touch you. You loved to shower your friends with affection, but rarely ever let anyone reciprocate it back. Logan wondered why that was. What had affected you so much that you refused to let anyone even shake your hand. Here he was, though, thumb moving from the area between your eyebrows to his hand cupping your cheek. Your eyes were wide, your throat dry. You had never expected this from him. This gentleness, the way he had observed your furrowed brows...you leaned your face into his hand, unable to help the way you melted into it. It was a chilly night, and, God, was he warm.

Logan closed the distance between the two of you, now standing directly in front of you. His thumb caressing your cheek. As he stared into your eyes, his gaze couldn't help but flicker down to your lips, a red faded stain on them from the lipstick you had worn to your date. They looked so soft, so enticing. And he couldn't help but wonder if that peppermint chapstick you wore 24/7 worked. He had never been one for chapstick, but you seemed obsessed with it. Logan's thumb slipped from where it rubbed your cheek to your bottom lip, slowly tracing it. You subconsciously licked your lips as he traced them, your chest tight. Why was it suddenly so difficult to breathe? Your throat was beyond dry, your face paled under his gaze yet somehow it felt like your blush deepened. The way his eyes analyzed your lip, your eyes, your nose, that mark you had since you were a child...It was like he was memorizing you.

You wanted to say something, anything. Preferably something sarcastic and witty. No words came to your lips regardless of the fact that your mind was working overdrive. Time slowed as his thumb gently pulled your lip down, encouraging your mouth to part as his hand cupped your chin now, guiding you closer to him. He leaned down, face inches from yours. He paused there, however, waiting for your permission because he knew that you needed that variation of control to feel safe. He wanted to make you feel safe, he wanted you to know you were safe. That he had you. You brushed your lips against his, slightly closing that gap between you two. He took that as permission as he pressed his lips to yours fully. It was gentle at first, as if he was scared that at any moment you'd disappear. Or worse, break.

Your arms moved to wrap around his neck, pulling him close as you held onto him. His hands finally rested around your waist, the kiss growing stronger as he deepened it. People claim that you would feel fireworks during a kiss, but that wasn't the case at all. You felt electricity against your skin that was against him, but the most powerful feeling was how right it felt. Like you were meant to be there, in his arms, kissing him, holding him. He had broken the kiss, opening his eyes to stare at you.

Logan wondered if he'd ever be able to let another person get close to him. He was certain Wade would've been the only one- a victim of the circumstance's kind of thing. But he sure as hell was glad that today he was the one who held you attention as he pressed another kiss to your lips.

[yunwangja]

undercurrents | signal no. 17

masterlist

"i’m alisa. i was kuroo’s partner for his project."

you freeze. this is her. the girl from the date. your heart sinks as you picture them together, imagining all the worst possibilities.

did he leave his phone? why was she the one who picked up the call? is he still there? your mind begins to spiral, creating scenarios you can't control, each more painful than the last.

"oh," you manage to say, struggling to keep your voice steady. your throat feels tight, and your words come out slower than usual. "can i ask for kuroo?"

"uh, actually, kuroo left his phone here with me," she replies, "it’s a good thing you called - i couldn't open his phone on my own because it's password protected. i was thinking how to get it back to him. im at my place right now."

her place. your thoughts race, filling in the blanks with every worst-case scenario.

what does this mean? what the hell is happening? and what happened before this? and how could kuroo possibly accidentally leave his phone with her? the more you think about it, the harder it becomes to breathe.

"i can let his friends know," you force out, the words feeling heavy on your tongue. "they can come get it from you."

alisa agrees without hesitation, without ending the call, you quickly message the others, your fingers trembling slightly as you type.

after alisa says yes to the arrangement, you both settle to the conclusion that she'll call you back when she's arrived at the campus lobby where bo would be meeting her.

you sit in silence after the call ends, staring at your phone, thoughts swirling in your head. the quiet of your room seems louder now, every second stretching longer than it should.

where is kuroo right now? since she picked up the call at her place, was kuroo there before he left his phone? if they did, what did they do? does this mean he was that interested in her?

you try to shake off the uneasy thoughts, but they linger. you tell yourself not to jump to conclusions, but that’s easier said than done. your mind can’t help but imagine things of what might’ve happened after their date. it’s a battle between rationality and your emotions, and right now, the latter is winning.

then, your phone vibrates, pulling you out of your spiraling thoughts. kuroo's name appear on the caller id, and you assume it's alisa calling back, just as she promised.

“hello?” you answer, your voice a bit shaky but still composed.

“hey, i’m in the campus lobby,” alisa says. “bokuto isn’t here yet, but i’m sure he’ll be along soon.”

“thanks for letting me know.”

the silence stretches for a moment. it feels awkward, hanging between the two of you, and you can’t help but feel like you should say something - anything - to fill the void.

you fidget with your fingers, unsure of what to talk about. after all, you barely know this girl, and under any other circumstances, you wouldn’t be having this conversation at all.

alisa breaks the silence first. “so... are you and kuroo close?”

her question catches you off guard. “uh, yeah, i guess you could say that. we’ve known each other for a while.”

“that’s nice!" alisa replies, her tone friendly. “he’s been super focused on this project. it’s kept him really busy, huh?”

you nod again, though the weight of her words makes your chest feel tight. “yeah, he’s been juggling a lot.”

the conversation stalls again, leaving you with your thoughts. you’ve known kuroo’s been busy, but hearing it from her, someone who's been spending that time with him, feels like a punch in the gut. you hesitate before asking, “where is he, by the way?”

“oh, he didn’t say,” alisa responds casually. “he just told me he had to go and left. i noticed his phone when he was gone already, and i was going to chase after him but it was too late...”

you thought nothing suspicious about her answer, but nothing that assured you that nothing happened between them. the quiet between you both stretches again, heavy and uncomfortable, and you find yourself scrambling for something else - anything - to fill the silence.

“how’s the project been for you guys?” you ask, trying to make small talk.

“oh, it went really well!” she says brightly. “we worked hard, but it all paid off. i think kuroo was really happy with how it turned out.”

you try to smile at her words, but your curiosity is eating away at you. you feel the urge to ask more, even though a part of you is scared of what the answers might be.

your thoughts drift back to earlier, to the idea of them spending time together after their date, and your stomach knots with unease. but you have to know, even if the answer hurts.

desperate to distract yourself from the silence and your spiraling thoughts, you finally blurt out, “so... did you guys have a good time?”

it feels like a casual question, but the weight behind it is unmistakable to you.

alisa chuckles softly, "oh, it was nice. he’s really sweet, isn’t he?"

you force a smile, even though she can’t see it. the words feel like a punch to the gut, as if someone else is confirming how amazing kuroo is. "yeah, he is."

there’s a brief pause, and the silence returns uncomfortably. your mind is racing as you struggle to keep the conversation going.

"i’m glad you were with him while he was so busy. as i said earlier, he seems to take on a lot by himself." you say, trying to fill the void, but the words come out weaker than you intended.

"he really does," alisa agrees, her voice light, as if she’s completely unaware of the storm raging inside you. "we ended up spending a lot of time together because of it. it’s been fun. and he really knows how to make you feel at ease, doesn’t he?"

the words twist in your gut, and you have to bite your lip to keep from letting out a sound of distress. you know exactly what she means. you’ve felt it too; the way kuroo can make you feel seen and heard.

and now, to hear someone else describe it, to know that she experienced it too, feels like a betrayal, even though you know it’s not.

"yeah," you manage to say. "he’s always been good at that."

the conversation drags on, each passing moment feeling like a slow unraveling of everything you thought you knew. your heart sinks deeper, weighed down by the uncertainty, the fear that maybe you’re too late. the realization that someone else has shared in those moments with him, that she knows things about him you might never know, is almost too much to bear.

"i’m happy you guys enjoyed your date," you say, trying to sound normal, but there’s a slight tremor in your voice.

alisa laughs again, this time with more amusement. "he told you it was a date too, huh?"

you blink, caught off guard by her response. "wasn’t it?"

"no, not really," alisa explains, her tone light as if it’s no big deal. "i just asked him out to coffee because of the success of our project, nothing more. he thought it was a date until he thanked me and mentioned it. so i cleared things up."

you don’t know what to say, the relief washing over you in waves, but mingling with confusion. before you can ask what happened after, alisa interrupts.

"oh, bokuto’s here," she says, her tone signaling the end of the conversation. "i’ll give him the phone. thanks a lot,"

"okay," you reply, still dazed, your mind racing with all the things you didn’t get to say or ask. bo takes the phone and tells you everything’s good, but his words barely register. you nod, barely listening, too caught up in your own thoughts.

you’re left with a thousand questions, but no answers. you want to know more, to ask her what happened next, but you guess you won’t get to know anymore.

did they talk about you? was kuroo relieved when she clarified it wasn’t a date, or was he disappointed? the uncertainty gnaws at you, leaving you with nothing but doubts.

all of a sudden, there’s a knock on your bedroom door. your heart jumps into your throat. you hesitate, then get up to answer it. you bid bo goodbye on the other line and end the call as you approach closer.

maybe it was one of your roommates checking up on your or asking for an update about what has happened. you wondered who it might be as you opened the door.

and there he was.

kuroo, breathless and panting, his hair slightly disheveled as if he ran the whole way. his eyes lock onto yours, wide with urgency.

"kuroo," you begin, confused. "what are you doing-"

"i want you, y/n."

notes

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

next signal will be LOADED also bc we will see kuroo's pov !!

idk if this was a long update or not (than usual) but yeah

i had to edit this a lot of times bc i had to make sure that everything would be laid out well

taglist: @lvtilzs @rarararararq @iamfontenlos @kurooswifeyy @secretsunsetsociety @kagsnumnine @yumiecheesecrackers @tojirin @jaynawayna @noxva08 @zahrawr-writes-fanfics @mawenskiblue @smellysluna @cccccccccccleo @winniethepooh-lover @akirqx @cupidsblonde @kukkurookkoo@emotiandon @urslytherin

[dreamescapeswriting]

Before The Darkness

☪WORD COUNT: 3.7K

☪GENRE: established relationships, old friends to friends mafia au, purge au, first kiss, i love you, betrayal, fluff ending,

☪PAIRING: Yoongi x Fem!Reader

☪Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - September 2024

☪MASTERLIST

The sun filtered through the curtains of your living room giving it a warm but uneasy glow of everything. You knelt on the floor trying to pack everything you were going to need for the next day or so into one suitcase and Yoongi looked at you with a saddened expression. This year he'd gotten to you earlier than he ever usually did, it was almost 5 in the morning when he decided to come and get you ready to come to his place.

The purge didn't even start until tomorrow at 7pm but you figured Yoongi was just deciding to be a little more cautious with time this year since people got a little wacky in the lead-up to the event.

"Is Cassandra going to be there this time?" You knew his live-in cook probably wanted to be with her family during the purge this year but you'd grown close with her over the years of this happening. The two of you had formed a strong friendship since it would usually be the two of you locked up inside of the house with nothing much to do except talk. Yoongi would always make sure he looked you up in his place since it was like a fortress.

Not to mention no one really wanted to mess with Min Yoongi. The man who practically ran the underworld and everyone knew the name of, he was a household name at this point. His house was one of the safest places on the planet whenever the purge was going down, people begged to be taken there when the purge was happening and he tried to keep his men or his men's family there but there were only so many rooms he could use for them.

"You're not going to mine this year," He mumbled a little just low enough for you to hear him, peeking through your curtains to make sure there was no one outside. All morning he'd been a little more jittery than usual and it was strange to see him so on edge. Someone who you knew was never like that, someone who made things in the dark is scared of him.

Yoongi wasn't scared of anything. That you knew of and you knew everything about him. The two of you had grown up living right next door to each other. Hell, you were in love with him, not that you'd ever admit that to him.

"What are you talking about?" You laughed weakly hoping he was joking but there wasn't even a hint of a smile on Yoongi's face as he turned to look at you.

"It's not safe enough, you're going out of town." You stared at him as he explained it and he made his way over to you.

"But-" You tried to say it was the best place for you to be but he cut you off rather quickly,

"Are you packed?" It was now that you noticed that there were beads of sweat starting to form on his head and you nodded zipping up your case which was quickly taken by Yoongi and then grabbed your hand. You did your best to ignore the jolt of electricity that ran through your body as he did this and followed him outside.

Today he was in his armoured car and four men with guns surrounded it, looking in all directions which didn't make you relax as you realised he must have been hiding how bad it was going to be this year.

There had been rumours that this year was going to be bloodier than usual, that people were going over the top with everything. But that was just rumours. No one would ever dare go against Yoongi, right?

"Yoongi, what's going on?" Your voice shook a little as you reached the car, your eyes lingering on the men who were all holding guns and still looking around as if they were waiting for a threat to come out of hiding.

"We have to go, I can't explain it here...Please," He opened the passenger door and you climbed in as he raced to do up your seatbelt for you. Your eyes landed on his hands and you noticed the slight tremor in them as he tried to help you.

"I can do it." You promised him but he continued to do it until you were strapped in, his eyes lingering on yours before the door slammed and he threw your bag into the back of the car. Silently getting into the driver's side and driving off without a word to you.

After about twenty minutes of driving in silence, you decided to break the ice and figure out what was going on inside of that head of his. It wasn't good for him to be in there alone too long and you knew that.

"Yoongi, you're scaring me. What's going on?" You looked out of the window to see four armoured cars following you, all of them his and your eyes went back to him.

His hands were clutching the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white and he looked as though he was ready to kill someone. Something you'd seen many times since knowing Yoongi.

"It's not safe at mine, I'm taking you somewhere better, somewhere you'll be protected." His hand moved to the gearshift and you placed your hand on top of his trying to soothe him, even just a little.

"I'm always safe with you...you keep me safe." You whispered and he swallowed the lump in his throat. While that might have been true at one point or another it wasn't true now. Now he had no choice but to send you away, somewhere safe that no one would ever find you or know who you were.

"Yn, not this time." He shook his head, his eyes flicking to your hands and he linked your fingers together as he changed gears, keeping your hand with his the whole time.

"You're taking me across state lines, right? No one will know you, or me?" You looked at him as you realised what he was doing. If no one knew you, then you weren't going to be a bigger target.

"I already have a place set up, you trust me...right?" His eyes flicked to yours as he drove and you turned to look at him.

"Always, Yoongi." You nodded at him. Maybe it was wrong to follow him so blindly, to trust someone with his power but you did and you didn't care who knew it. The car fell into silence and you looked out of the window.

You were used to extended silences with him, it wasn't anything uncomfortable and you knew never to push him when he was in this kind of state.

The car's engine finally cut off, and the silence that followed was deafening, you stared around at the forest you were currently in. It was getting dark and you'd been on the road almost all day, your back hurt from sitting in the seat. You'd only made four stops on the whole drive and you dreaded to think how much pain Yoongi was in from driving for so long.

Yoongi stepped out of the car first he walked toward your side of the car and helped you out, taking your hand in his before you walked to the entrance of the underground safe house. His heart felt heavy, the weight of everything finally getting a bit too much for him but he knew he needed to do this for your own sake. He had built this place for moments like these—when the world was too dangerous for you when life was too uncertain. But nothing could prepare him for the storm brewing inside him now.

You looked around, trying to grasp the fact that this remote, hidden place was where you would stay for who knew how long since Yoongi hadn't even told you. You stared at Yoongi and you could feel it—his reluctance, the tension in his words during the drive over here.

"You're safe here," Yoongi said, his voice low and steady, as you both stepped inside the secure space. The door clicked shut behind them, locking out the world and you saw as electric deadbolts locked you both inside. It was almost like the ones in a bank vault, no one was getting through that door unless they owned a military-grade drill or laser - or they were Yoongi.

"No one knows about this place. No one can find you. You're safe." He repeated the words as if saying them were making them feel comforted by them instead of you. You stood there, staring at him, your heart pounding with questions that had no easy answers.

"But why here? Why so far away?" Your voice trembled, barely holding it together. He'd already told you it wasn't safe back home because there was a target but this felt too extreme for that.

"Yoongi, why are you hiding me out here? Please, just tell me." You looked at him and he looked over at you. He'd made a promise years ago to you that he would never hide anything from you.

He hesitated, looking down, trying to figure out how to explain it without crushing you completely.

"The Purge this year..." he began slowly, you nodded you'd heard the rumours of course you had.

"It's worse than before. Bloodier. It's not safe anywhere in the city. I had to take you away from it. Away from the threats, you're a walking target because of me. That house isn't safe but this is." You stared at him and nodded, shit you already knew but it still didn't feel like the whole truth. Not from him.

"But that’s not the full truth." You stepped closer to him, your eyes burning into his as you tried to figure it all out, to understand what he wasn’t saying to you.

"What aren’t you telling me, Yoongi?" His shoulders tensed, and he sighed heavily at you before pushing his hands through his hair.

You were always too smart, too perceptive and he knew he couldn’t hide from you, not now, not ever.

"There’s a war," he finally admitted, his voice flat and distant.

"A war with a rival gang that’s been brewing for a long time. It’s about to explode. And this time... I don’t know if I’ll make it out alive." The silence that followed was suffocating, you felt your heart drop out of your chest and into your stomach as you stared at him. It honestly felt as though someone had shot you. You stepped closer, your hands shaking as you reached for him, taking his hands in yours as you shook your head at him.

"No," You whispered, your voice cracking at the thought of never seeing him again. The two of you had always been together. The two of you were practically joined at the hip.

"No, you can’t leave me like this. You can’t go back there. Yoongi, please... stay here with me. Stay where it's safe," The desperation in your voice cut through him, your trembling hands gripping his jacket as if you could hold him in place, but you both knew you weren't strong enough for that.

"Don’t go," You pleaded, your voice breaking as tears welled in your eyes. There was no way he was just going to walk out on you, you wouldn't be able to live without him around.

"I have to go, my men need me, Yn." He reached out as he ran his hand over your cheek, wiping the tears out from under your thumb his heart shattering at the sight of you crying for him.

"Stay with me. I can’t lose you. I—" Your breath hitched, and you closed your eyes leaning into his touch as you began forcing the words out. The words you'd been holding in for years but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"I love you, Yoongi. Please. Don’t go." Yoongi’s eyes softened at your confession. He looked at you with an intensity that made your heart race, and yet, his smile was weak, a touch of sadness pulling at the corners of his mouth.

he'd been waiting to hear those words from you for years and now he was getting them right before he was going to die?

"You always wait until the last minute," he murmured with a bittersweet smile, forcing out a laugh as he shook his head at you.

"Always late with the things I want to hear most."

"Promise me you'll stay!" You yell at him, shoving your hands on his chest as he huffed a little the air in his lungs being knocked a little.

"Yn-"

"Don't! If you love me you'll stay here!" You threatened him and he sighed at you. He had obligations to his men but he nodded at you. He pulled you close, resting his forehead against yours.

"Okay," he whispered, his voice cracking just a little.

"I’ll stay. I love you too, Yn." He whispers as you wrap your arms around the back of his neck, your tears falling freely now.

"Promise me," You said softly, letting out a shakey breath as you watched him closely.

"Promise you won’t leave me. Not tonight." Yoongi nodded, his hand holding your waist in his grasp.

"I promise," he whispered into your ear, pressing a small kiss to your cheek as he nodded at you.

"I’ll stay with you." Relief washed over you, the tension in your body easing as you buried your face in his chest, your arms wrapped tightly around him.

"It's been a long day, sunshine. We should sleep," He told you as he took your hand in his, leading you through the base in the direction of one of the bedrooms. You took note of everything.

There was a huge living area with a TV and selection of movies, a kitchen big enough to host dinners for an army and then a number of bedrooms but Yoongi continued to walk you until he reached the main one.

It was huge, a king-sized bed in the centre of the room and your eyes flicked to the door that had ten different locks on it to keep people out.

You clung to him as if afraid he would disappear if you let go of him but you crawled onto the bed.

"Don't fight it," he laughed as he ran his hand over your cheek softly.

"You promise not to go, right?" you mumbled tiredly as you snuggled into him. Yoongi smiled weakly,

"I promise." He whispers back to you. Slowly, as the exhaustion of the day and the weight of your emotions caught up with you. Yoongi watched you as your breathing evened out, and you fell asleep in his arms.

Yoongi lay there in the dim light, watching your peaceful face, his fingers tracing gentle patterns on your back before his eyes flicked to the time, he could spend five more minutes with you.

When you woke up you whimpered a little, there was a cold chill thanks to the underground safe house. You turned over in the bed searching for Yoongi but your heart sunk into the pit of your stomach the moment you realized the space beside you was empty.

"Yoongi?" You called out, your voice trembling, but there was no answer only further pushing the theory that he'd left you after promising not to. You scrambled out of bed, stumbling toward the door, your feet carrying you through the silent hallways. Each step felt like you were sinking deeper into the darkness of uncertainty, and with every empty room you passed your dread grew.

"Yoongi!" You yelled again, desperation seeping into your voice as you reached the common area. There, seated casually at a table, was one of his men—stoic, calm, flipping through a newspaper as if nothing was amiss.

"Where is he?" You demanded, your voice edged with fear and frustration, you didn't give a fuck what his rank was with yoongi you wanted to know where he was after promising you he wasn't going to leave your side.

"Where is Yoongi?" The man looked up, his face unreadable, his eyes betraying nothing, not that any of his men did. He sighed and stood up slowly as if bracing himself for your reaction. Yoongi had given him strict instructions to let you know he was gone and that you weren't to leave.

"He’s gone," he said quietly. You blinked at his nonchalant attitude already pissing you off. Your mind began reeling as if you hadn’t heard him correctly.

"What do you mean, gone?" You whispered, the words barely making it past your throat as you shook your head at him. Yoongi promised he wouldn't go. He never broke his promises. Not to you.

"He promised me… he promised me he wouldn’t leave. He—" The man’s expression softened slightly, but he remained firm as he looked at you.

"He didn’t want you to worry," the man said suddenly making you scoff at him.

"He wanted to protect you." You let out a bitter laugh, wiping at your tears angrily.

"Worry? All I'm going to do is worry!" Your voice splintered, the pain and frustration bubbling up uncontrollably. You felt betrayed, and abandoned—how could he leave you like that after everything?

Time passed in a haze, and as the week wore on, your fear twisted into anger at the thought of him leaving you and not saying a fucking word to you. You were terrified that he might be dead, that the war had taken him from you forever and you'd only just confessed to one another. And yet at the same time, you were furious at him for leaving you, for breaking his promise.

It had been a week and you had almost given up hope when you heard it—heavy footsteps echoing through the hallway. The commotion and stomping of more than one set of feet and you knew it wasn't just your own lonely guard.

You froze, your heart pounding in your chest, disbelief flooding you as you turned toward the door, shifting out of the covers and watching the door. The handle turned slowly, and the door creaked open.

There he was.

Yoongi stood in the doorway, covered in blood, his clothes torn and dirty. His hair was dishevelled, and bruises lined his pale skin, his lip was busted. He looked like he had been through hell, but there was a smirk tugging at his lips, his dark eyes locking onto yours with a gleam of mischief.

"I told you," he said, his voice gravelly and low.

"I'll never leave." For a moment, relief flooded through you so powerfully that you could hardly breathe. He was alive. He was here. But then the pain, the fear, and the anger came rushing back, overtaking the relief. Gripping the pillow beside you, you launched it in his direction but he swatted it away from his face.

"What the Yn?!" Your eyes narrowed, your fists clenched at your sides as you got out from the bed and stormed to stand in front of him.

"I hate you," You spat, her voice sharp and trembling.

"I hate you for breaking your promise. You swore you wouldn’t leave, Yoongi. You promised." Yoongi’s smirk faltered slightly as your words hit him. This whole time he thought you would have been happy to see him, he was happy to be back here, he hadn't thought about how much it would have hurt that he wasn't here for the last week.

He stepped closer to you, his expression softening, the exhaustion creeping into his eyes.

"Y/N," he started quietly, his voice gentle as he moved to cup your face in his hands but you moved away from him.

"I didn’t want to break that promise. But I had to end this. I had to make sure you were safe." You shook your head, your tears spilling over as you backed away from him, your anger masking the hurt that was tearing you apart on the inside.

"You don’t get it," You whispered, your voice cracking.

"You left me here for a week—alone, terrified that you were dead. I thought I’d lost you forever. I just fucking confessed my love and you were gone!"

"I know," he whispered, stepping closer, his hands reaching out to gently pull you into his arms. You resisted for a moment, your body tense, but when you felt his warmth, the fight slowly drained from you, and you crumbled against him, your tears soaking into his bloodstained jacket.

"I’m sorry," Yoongi murmured, his voice thick with emotion as he pressed his lips to the top of your head, his arms around you tightening as he brought you close. Both of you kneeling down on the floor.

"I’m so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought this was the only way… I thought it would be over faster. But I was wrong." You sobbed against him, your fists weakly pounding against his chest before you let your arms wrap around him tightly.

"You can’t do that to me," You whispered through your tears.

"You can’t leave me like that. I need you, Yoongi." He nodded his head, his eyes closed, holding you tighter, his heart aching at the sound of your broken voice.

"I know," he whispered. "And I’m sorry. I won’t leave you again. I swear it." You pulled back slightly, your tear-streaked face gazing up at him.

"You better mean it, because I can’t go through that again." He cupped your face in his hands, brushing away the last of your tears with his thumbs and kissing your nose softly.

"I mean it," he whispered. "I’m here. I’m not going anywhere." He kissed your lips softly and nodded his head at you.

"I love you," he murmured, his voice low and sincere. "And I’ll never leave again." You looked up at him, your heart finally calming, your lips curving into a small, tired smile.

"I love you too," you whispered. "Just… don’t make me say it after thinking you’re dead for a week, okay?" He chuckled softly, nodding as he kissed you again.

"Deal." He whispered before kissing you once again, bringing you into his arms and letting you ask him everything about what had happened in the week he'd been away from you.

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[linkspooky]

SUKUNA, YOU ARE ME

Now that we're in the last few chapters of Jujutsu Kaisen it's time to do a deep dive into Yuji and Sukuna's relationship. Is what Yuji showing Sukuna here truly empathy? Does Sukuna's death and Yuji's attempt to reach out mean Sukuna was human all along? We'll discuss that, the parallels between this and Mahito, and what Sukuna's exit means for both himself and Yuji as characters underneath the cut.

I AM YOU

While this post is about the connection between Yuji and Sukuna, I'm going to say the majority of this post will be about Yuji. I stated this in a previous post, I don't believe Yuji's showing Sukuna empathy here. While his offer to let Sukuna live inside of him may be genuine, it doesn't come from a place of genuine understanding. Sukuna himself isn't written as a character to be understood or empathized with.

Look at the words Yuji said. "You are me." He's not saying he's like Sukuna, he's saying Sukuna is like him. He is projecting himself onto Sukuna. Everyone in the story does, even Kashimo and Gojo who both considers themselves the strongest of their time and who naturally should have been able to understand the isolation of being someone as incomprehensibly strong as Sukuna were just projecting their own personal experiences on them in the end.

Of course we could dig a little deeper on the topic.

How much can one person truly understand another? It doesn't have to be a curser, or a borderline incomprehensible deity like Sukuna. How much do you understand your own best friend?

Gojo mentions that he felt loved by everyone, but also that he was so beyond their understanding that they may as well have been plants in comparison to him.

Of course, Shoko herself says that Shoko was always right there next to Gojo trying to offer him support and Gojo just chose to keep her at an arm's length. Gojo also believed that only someone as equally as powerful as him like Sukuna could understand him. Only to find that Sukuna didn't care about Gojo's feelings of isolation at all, nor was he troubled by love in the least.

Gojo makes himself out to be someone so superior to other human beings that he's beyond their comprehension, but that's Sukuna. Gojo did feel understood once, by Geto in his youth. The thing was that Gojo assumed that Geto could understand him because they were both euqal in power level. However, years after the fact when Gojo has long surpassed Geto, their friendship remains exactly the same.

The one that Gojo pictures patting him on the back is adult Geto, not teenage Geto. The one who Gojo truly would have been satisfied by in the end was Geto, not Sukuna.

So maybe what makes Sukuna so impossible to understand by others is that same reason why Shoko can't be close to Geto. Sukuna can't be understood by others because he doesn't care to be understood by them.

Perhaps, understanding isn't the end all be all of human connection. Gojo accepted Geto, and he didn't accept Shoko. Maybe Shoko would have been able to understand Gojo if Gojo ever tried to be emotionally open with her the ever way he was with Geto then he might have felt understood.

Then there's Ryomen Sukuna who rejects love and every notion of humanity along with it.

Therefore empathy means nothing to Sukuna. Yuji's empathy in particular. No, Yuji's attempt to save Sukuna is more about himself than Sukuna. It's a reflection of a change of Yuji's state of mind that he's willing to accept living with a curse like Sukuna. That he'd even try to understand Sukuna. Curses that Yuji previously dismissed as not even being worth understanding.

The first time Yuji said these words was when Yuji tried to make an offer to Sukuna to let him take control of his body in order to heal Junpei, in order to be laughed at by Sukuna. It was the last time Yuji ever asked anything of Sukuna.

Remember, in the very beginning of the manga Sukuna seemed like a standard inner demon character like the nine tails, or hollow ichigo. Yuji even thinks he can use Sukuna to switch out to help fight for him like against the special grade cursed spirit. However, we and the audience quickly learns that not only is Sukuna not just some evil half of Yuji, or a convenient power up, he's an actively malevolent entity with a will that will do anything to escape.

When Yuji realizes that Mahito and Sukuna are both curses, he starts to see Sukuna as an enemy trapped within him. Something he's reminded of again and again, especially after the Shibuya Massacre. From that moment Sukuna and Mahito become like villainous foils to Yuji, the dark to his light, the enemy for him to kill.

Yuji defines Mahito and Sukuna as his opposites and his enemies By killing them, he also gives himself a role. It's Sukuna and Mahito's actions in taunting is the first time Yuji uses the language "kill" when dealing with curses.

Mahito compared himself to Yuji and by saying as a curse he mindlessly kills humans. The same way that Yuji as a sorcerer, mindlessly kills curses. They are on the opposite side of the same cycle with no end in sight.

Yuji decides to embrace this violent cycle because it at least gives him a role to play. If curses are the shadow of humanity, if they're a reflection of humanity then what exactly is you saying here?

Yuji says he is Mahito, and then immediately that he's going to kill Mahito. It's not a statement of self acceptance, or accepting your shadow, but rather a statement of self destruction. Even though Mahito is a chaotic evil curse who enjoys killing humans, Yuji's decision to throw away his humanity just for the sake of killing him isn't a healthy way.

When Mahito said "You are me" he was attempting to drag Yuji down to his level. Yuji then willfully descends to Mahito's level as long as it gives him the strength to kill Mahito. It's character regression on his part. Yuji once said he didn't want to kill because then the value of life might become vague to him.

In a way it did, because Yuji began to devalue his own life. Yuji wasn't able to see any meaning in his life besides a "role' that someone else assigned him. Not only was he willing to throw it away at the drop of a hat, but he also didn't feel like he had permission to live.

Unlike Yuta who actively sought affirmation from others, Yuji rejected that affirmation and tried to push everyone including people like Megumi and Choso away. They were right next to him, but Yuji became unable to accept their love and support.

Yuji is a strange paradox because he presents himself as an all-loving hero who just wants to save as many people as possible, but then you read his dialogue and he's like "I'm just a cog in the machine, I will continue to kill curses until one day I die. Then I'll just be replaced by another cog. There's no meaning at all to this sequence. Life is an endless nightmare."

I'm exaggerating, but underneath Yuji's sweet nature and goofing around, there's this very bleak attitude that his life means nothing except for the labor that he produces, and one day he'll be tossed aside and that's fine because it's what he deserves.

If Yuta seeks self-affirmation, then Yuji is seeking self-destruction. His self-loathing leads him to practically lay his head down on the chopping block and offer his neck up for execution by Higuruma's domain during the fight with Higuruma, even when Higuruma himself points out that Yuji isn't the one at fault because he wans't in control of his own body. Yuji will still take the blame, anything to punish himself further.

So, the words Yuji uses in his triumph against Mahito also signify the destruction of his own ego. That is what Yuji does when he adapts his cog mentality, he denies his own sense of self.

What Yuji experiences is basically a prolonged ego-death.

Ego death is a "complete loss of subjective self-identity".[1] The term is used in various intertwined contexts, with related meanings. The 19th-century philosopher and psychologist William James uses the synonymous term "self-surrender" and Jungian psychology uses the synonymous term psychic death, referring to a fundamental transformation of the psyche.

I brung up Ego-Death in the Jungian context, but in Yuji's case, resigning himself to being a cog is also an act of self-surrender. Yuji basically moves away from all of his previous ideals. He only sees himself as a tool to kill curses. Saving others, or helping guide others to a natural death, those things get put on the back burner as a tool doesn't need ideals.

He's abandoned all kinds of idealism and higher reasoning. In fact that is what Mahito wanted him to do, to abandon the higher reasoning that belongs to human beings and act on instinct like a curse. Mahito successfully pushed Yuji to abandon human reason and become an unthinking cog.

Jung defines the Ego-Death as the stripping away of everything else to revert to your natural self. According to Ventegodt and Merrick, the Jungian term "psychic death" is a synonym for "ego death":

In order to radically improve global quality of life, it seems necessary to have a fundamental transformation of the psyche. Such a shift in personality has been labeled an "ego death" in Buddhism or a psychic death by Jung, because it implies a shift back to the existential position of the natural self, i.e., living the true purpose of life. 

Megumi also experiences an ego-death over the course of the manga that mirrors Yuji's own when Sukuna takes over his body, soaks his soul to bring Megumi near evil, and then kills Tsumiki. At this point both Yuji and Megumi both lose what were their reasons for fighting. The so-called "dignity obtained by human reason" is lost. After having those reasons stripped away from them and experiencing their ego-deaths both of them surrender control. Megumi becomes helpless and stops trying to fight Sukuna. While Yuji may not seem like he's given up on anything since he keeps trucking along, he too has given up on thinking for himself. Yuji has essentially given up as much as Megumi has, there's just less plot consequences for it.

Either way they are both brought to their lowest point by ego-death, in order to bring them to their lowest point, and make them experience a rebirth of sorts.

The persona in Jung is the face you show the outside world. it's one part of personality, with the other being the shadow. The shadow is the repressed part of peresonality. Just like curses are made up of repressed human emotions that leak out from our collective subconscious. Curses serve as the shadow of humanity collectively, especially Mahito who is made up of everything humans hate and fear about other humans. The physical embodiment of human cruelty.

However, a person can't live without their shadow. There's no such thing as a human without flaws after all, and you don't become a better person just by ignoring your own flaws. The kinds of people who are unaware of their own flaws tend to unconsciously repeat the same mistakes again and again and again.

Yuji despises curses as inhuman monsters that he can slaughter like they're enemies in a video game, but they're like... made of human vices. They are the product of humanity's emotions. Yuji's habit of only looking at the good makes him unaware of both his own shadow, his own shortcomings, and also the darker shades of grey in the world around him.

Megumi and Yuji both are characters who, need to be dragged down to the darkest point of the shadow and forced to confront their own flaws in order to learn about themselves. It's not a coincidence thaT Yuji who puts humanity on such a pedestal is a human and curse hybrid. That his older brother who's shown to be a source of overflowing unconditional love is also a human / curse hybrid, and who Yuji nearly killed because he blindly, obediently decided to kill curses. That Yuji killed two of his other curse / human hybrid brothers in spite of noticing they were different from other curses and had a family bond with each other.

It's not a coincidence that Yuji who puts humanity on such a pedestal devoured the corpses of all of his other brothers the same way that Sukuna ate his own twin in the womb to gain the power to defeat Sukuna.

Yuiji lacks a lot of self-awareness. That's why I've always said he doesn't quite live up to the "all-loving hero" he sees himself as. Savior is just a role that Yuji has adopted in order to give himself a purpose in life, but he falls short of that. The reason that he falls short is ironically that Yuji tries so hard to be superhuman, that he can't forgive himself for having basic human flaws.

It's why "Being a child is not a sin" is such a meaningful line coming from Nanami. In Yuji's eyes being a child is a sin. He constantly blames himself for not being able to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders, for not being able to save everyone by himself even though he's only been a jujutsu sorcerer for a few months.

It's why Yuji gets excited for a moment when Kusakabe mentions that Yuji is developing very fast by sorcerer standards, because he wants to be someone monstrously talented like Higuruma or Gojo - and why he immediately looks so disappointed when Kusakabe says it's not because Yuji is talented it's just because of Sukuna.

Yuji feels an overwhelming amount of responsibility and wants to be a special person who is strong enough to actually carry all that responsibility on his shoulders. That's why I say Yuji isn't a true all-loving hero, because it's more about Yuji's own feelings than the act of saving others. His guilt complex over Sukuna.

His desires to be someone special and meaningful. Yuji wants to be a good person who saves others because it gives YUJI and purpose and it gives YUJI a sense of fulfillment. If you've read Tokyo Ghoul it's like Kaneki's reason for participating in the Anteiku Raid. Not because he genuinely wanted to save others, but because he "was tired of not being able to do a thing."

(I'm keeping the meme panel because it's funny)-

Yuji wants to be strong and wants to be a savior because Yuji feels insecure in himself and loathes himself for his own weakness. However, this pushes Yuji farther away from his goal of saving others and making connections with other people so he can die surrounded by people BECAUSE people empathize with each other over their weaknesses.

Yuji wants to become someone strong and unbreakable who will never falter, never feel pain, and most of all never lose. He basically wants to become Satoru Gojo, but if Yuji were to ever rise to Gojo's level like that just by getting rid of all of his weaknesses he'd fundamentally lose his ability to connect with people the way Gojo and Sukuna have.

Yuji defines himself in strength, and suffering, and always overcoming, but then what is his heart for? He strives to become someone stronger than Gojo or Sukuna to protect his friends, but if he loses his heart that loves and cherishes those friends in the process then what even is the point?

Yuji walks a dangerous road from the culling games up until the Shinjuku incident, into nearly becoming like Mahito or Sukuna in his attempts to be stronger than them. I don't think he was ever in danger of going on a murder spree, but I do think he was risking becoming someone like Gojo.

Gojo made himself a tool for Jujutsu Society for the greater good and look what happened to him in the end. Not only did he die in the line of duty, his corpse was turned into a puppet to use as a weapon against the enemy. He made himself into a monster even when people like Yuta were begging Gojo not to. Yuji was on a similiar path of cutting off all the people who loved him and just becoming a person exploited in both life and death for the greater good.

So what stopped him?

Megumi.

YOU ARE ME.

A few people said that Yuji's abandoning the cog mentality suddenly happened too fast, or felt unearned but I think if you look at the culling games arc from higiruma's fight onwards as a whole it's actually a natural progression.

It all starts with Higuruma and Yuji's conversation:

Higuruma: "You're innocent. You didn't commit that crime." Yuji: "Even so, it's my fault." Higuruma: "Why?" Yuji: "...I see. Itaodri, there still may be a lot of people who are weak like you."

Yuji is someone who loevs humans, but puts humanity as a whole on a pedestal. He loves humanity but hates human weakness, especially his own weakness. Ironic because Higuruma is also someone who became jaded by having to work in the corrupt justice system and was forced to look at human ugliness day after day after day even though he wanted to be someone who valued people for their weaknesses.

Yuji doesn't learn to empathize with human weakness until Megumi's weaknesses are the one he's forced to confront. He doesn't abandon his notion of roles until he's robbed of his roles by Sukuna when Megumi becomes the possessed one instead of him.

Yuji is fine with being a sacrifice for the greater good, but he is not fine with sacrificing Megumi. By knowing exactly what Megumi is going through and wanting to save Megumi from Sukuna's possession, Yuji is in an odd way forced to empathize with himself. Like, it's a double standard on his part that's being challenged. Yuji blames himself for all the people he hurt as Sukuna, but he'd never blame Megumi for letting Sukuna kill tsumuki while possessing his body.

In his refusal to sacrifice Megumi for the greater good, even when Megumi is begging him to do so he rejects the common Ethos that sorcerer's are expendable cogs who are expected to sacrifice themselves and their comrades in the eternal fight against curses for the sake of public safety.

Yuji carries with him this grandiose notion of saving as many people as possible. However, when the option comes to make a sacrifice that would save hundreds of thousands of people from the merger by fighting to kill Megumi instead of save him from Sukuna's clutches Yuji can't do it. Even though Megumi at that point would be a completely willing sacrifice.

Yuji has to abandon his cog mentality to save Megumi, because an unthinking cog wouldn't put Megumi's life over the lives of everyone in Shibuya. A cog, especially a sorcerer would kill that one kid in order to save thousands of lives. Heck, Kusakabe more conservative sorcerer even brings up that argument that everything would have been avoided if Yuji was executed to begin with.

In order to save Megumi, Yuji must also reclaim his own humanity. There's a reason that Nanami, and Nobara, die right before Yuji adopts his cog mentality. Nanami, the most ethical of the first grade sorcerers who tried to teach Yuji to value his own life because he was a child, and Nobara the only kid in the main trio who was a normal person are both representatives of Yuji's humanity.

After losing both Yuji becomes reckless, he stops valuing his own life. As I said far, far bove, Yuji never listened to the advice Nanami gave him that it wasn't a sin to be a child. Yuji has this entire time thought it was a sin just to be weak, just to need the help of other people, just to not be able to accomplish everything on his own.

After Yuji starts reconciling with his own humanity though, he regains his connections to both Nanami and Nobara. Nanami comes back symbolically in the form of Higuruma, someone Yuji tries to encourage to live instead of taking the same suicidal path that Yuji was bent on. Whereas, Nobara herself actually comes back from the dead in time to land the final blow, the same way she reminded Yuji of her presence and that she wasn't alone in the Mahito fight.

Yuji also regains these connections when he's processed the grief for both people. He remembers Nanami and what Nanami left him in a more positive light. In my interpretation the line "I am a sorcerer" refers to Yuji developing a more healthy version of being a sorcerer. That instead of Yuji seeing sorcerers as slaves who have to sacrifice themselves for the greater good like Geto did, Yuji can see the camraderie between sorcerers who fight and put their lives on the line together.

Either way, I think the moment Yuji truly reconciled with the grief of death is sadly enough with Choso's death. If you want proof that Yuji's revelation wasn't rushed, that he didn't skip from point a to point b, then it's right here.

Choso apologizes to Yuji for leaving him ahead of time, and Yuji tells him not to, because Choso was always by his side when he was at his lowest point and that brief time they had together was enough for him.

Yuji's relationships so far have been defined by his fear of losing people. He wants to have a natural death, he wants the other people around him to have good deaths, he doesn't want people to die too early. By focusing on the fear of losing people, he hasn't yet been able to enjoy the time that they were around. However, in this moment he realizes how much Choso meant to him, even if their relationship was brief, and even if it came to an end. Yuji learned you can still love someone even if you inevitably lose them.

This is when Yuji finally accepts mortality and fragility as a part of life.

This is also what Sukuna can't accept. That life is fragile. That life is weak. That life comes to an end. Sukuna's entire goal is to maximize pleasure and live as long as possible, and therefore he's rejected all of the unpleasant parts of reality. Sukuna doesn't want to live in the real world like a human being, he wants to exist only in the world of Jujutsu where he's a god.

This is what Yuji represents to Sukuna, The human vulnerability, and mundanity that he threw away, by literally cannabilizing his own twin and throwing away part of his soul. The part of his soul that Sukuna threw away was taken by Kenjaku, and used as a science experiment to create Yuji. Technically, Sukuna is Yuji's uncle but symbolically Yuji is the twin that Sukuna cast aside. Especially since in this world cursed energy treats identical twins like they are the same person.

Yuji for the longest time tried to do what Sukuna did. Tried to throw his own humanity away so he could be as strong as Sukuna. He literally even ate the corpses of his own brothers.

Yuji and Sukuna are symbolically twins, but Yuji learns to embrace the things that Sukuna threw away. Sukuna threw away his own soul's twin in order to grow strong. He became all powerful in the jujutsu world because he ate his twin and gained an extra pair of arms and a mouth. He's like if Maki chose to kill Mai instead of Mai sacrificing herself for Maki's sake.

Yuji chose companionship with others over power. Sukuna doesn't need others people to satisfy him, and Yuji begs Megumi to come back from the dead because his life would be lonely without him. Yuji doesn't have some noble reason for going this far for Megumi's sake. He's not saving Megumi for the greater good, but because his connection to Megumi is important to him. Because he doesn't want to go through life without Megumi.

Yuji loathes weakness like Sukuna. Yuji desires to be someone special like Sukuna. Yuji has a grandiose sense of self importance like Sukuna. Yuji desires power like Sukuna. Yuji looks down on weak people like Sukuna does, he just condescendingly wants to save them instead of Sukuna who just wants to stomp on them like ants.

Yuji is also literally Sukuna. He was created by an offshoot of his soul. The same way that Sukuna was born with a body perfect for Jujutsu, Yuji was born stronger than anyone his age, and develops at an extreme rate as a sorcerer BECAUSE he was Kenjaku's science project to make the perfect vessel for Sukuna.

They are totally twinsies in so many ways, the only difference in the end is that Yuji learns to value human connection. In Sukuna's book there is no meaning to life, except for the pleasures he pursues as an individual. Therefore Sukuna is the only real person that matters or even exists. The narrator says as much he alone is the honored one, all that exists is his pleasures and displeasures.

In Buberian terms Sukuna only experiences existence and I and It relationships.

Buber's main proposition is that we may address existence in two ways:

The attitude of the "I" towards an "It", towards an object that is separate in itself, which we either use or experience.

The attitude of the "I" towards "Thou", in a relationship in which the other is not separated by discrete bounds.

Sukuna is the "i" and everyone else is an "it." Sukuna is the only real person who exists, and everyone else is just an object for their amusement.

Whereas, Yuji experiences "I" and "Thou" relationships. Yuji learns to see other people as different from himself. Yuji appreciates people as separate entities. While Sukuna gets amusement from his life by treating other people like toys, for Yuji the value in his life comes from the people who have entered into his life in some form. He appreciates the relationships he's formed with people and the memories they've left behind, no matter how brief the time they spent together was.

This is why Yuji's words reach Megumi, because he respects that Megumi feels differently than he does. He doesn't tell Megumi to just suck it up and keep fighting because that's what Yuji would do. He understands that he's a different person than Megumi, and he can't say he understands the grief and pain Megumi is going through right now.

That's Yuji's big revelation, in just a few short months as a sorcerer he's met so many people who left an impact on him. Some of those relationships came to an end early, but that painful ending doesn't negate what they meant to him.

The few months he spent with Choso have value even if it's not the same as the one hudnred and fifty years Choso spent with the rest of his brothers, because Choso supported Yuji when he was at his lowest point. Yuji finally sees that what gave his life meaning was the memories he made with other people while they were alive together. Not the way that they died.

So Yuji is finally willing to let himself exist outside of a role.

That's what he's offering to Sukuna as well. Maybe not empathy or understanding, because if Yuji had truly learned empathy maybe Sukuna might have accepted his offer. No, Yuji is simply willing to offer Sukuna the chance to live alongside him.

Sukuna rejects bonds of all kinds and Yuji is now embracing them. Yuji no longer seeks to annihilate curses because they're a fundamental part of life. Yuji wants to live on with his curses and burdens. He's also willing to give Sukuna a chance to keep living too.

Even Yuji points out that both of them are totally twinsies. Sukuna was born as a curse because he devoured his twin brother in the womb. Yuji was born as a curse because he was created to be Sukuna's vessel. The only way that Yuji is the way that he is is because he was raised as a normal child by his grandfather. If Yuji hadn't then he would have turned out entirely different. It's the same way that Choso became human because of his love for his brothers, even though he was born as a curse human hybrid and tossed aside by Kenjaku as a failed experience.

Yuji acknowledges both his capacity to have turned out like Sukuna if not for his grandfather's sake. This time when he says You are me, he's not saying it to threaten and destroy the person he sees as his shadow. This time Yuji is trying to reconcile with his shadow. He's looking at the person who represents the absolute worst of humanity, and the things he hates about himself and is still willing to give them the chance to keep on living together with him.

When Yuji says "I am you, so I'll kill you" to Mahito, that signals his first step on the road to self destruction.

When Yuji says, "I am you, so I'll save you" to Sukuna, that signals his first step on the road to self-acceptance.

It's Yuji allowing himself for the first time to just exist as a normal person not as the hero of some epic story. He even gave Sukuna that chance too, to just continue living alongisde him, but sukuna rejected it to keep on living as a curse until the end.

So, while Yuji saying "You are me" to Sukuna isn't true empathy, it is Yuji learning to accept himself and his flaws. . Because if Yuji is willing to forgive someone like Sukuna, then perhaps he might just learn to forgive himself.

[suhkusa]

As you weave through the crowd of people, there’s only one person on your mind.

The two of you have been talking for a month already, and while you were the one who wanted to take it slow, your feelings were growing stronger by the minute.

If it were anyone else, it might’ve taken a while for you to warm up to him. But you’ve been with Atsumu for most of your life, so there was no need to “get to know him”. Of course, you had your doubts because of his promiscuous past, but at the end of the day you didn’t color him to be the type to commit to a relationship unless he really wanted to.

So that’s why you find yourself looking for the team’s locker room, ready to congratulate him.

But it’s not his voice that stops you in your tracks. You don’t recognize it, so you assume it’s a team mate you’ve never met.

“So, Y/N,” the guy says. And just the mention of your name makes you want to make your presence known. But something holds you back.

Atsumu is the one who replies, “What about her?”

“Did you finally fuck her?”

This could just be normal men’s locker room banter but something about the way he said it is throwing you off. Was it his tone? The word “finally”?

There’s a sound of fabric being moved around before Atsumu laughs with a “Yeah,”

The other guy laughs a bit following his response, “I remember you used to talk about how she was hard to get, so I’m surprised you actually managed to get her,”

If your heart hadn’t sunk yet, it definitely did now.

Atsumu laughs again. At some point you found his laugh endearing, but right now it’s feeding into your hurt. 

“I guess your little mission or whatever is complete,” 

You tune out the rest of the conversation. You don’t care to hear it, or hear him. You just don’t care. 

The tears that had been welling up in your eyes are threatening to spill, but you look up and blink to hold them in. Not right now.

Your legs move to back up but you bump into something— or someone.

“Y/N?”

BOTH AIN’T SH!T — ALL OFFENSE

PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT

NOTES.

sorry yall

osamu did spend the night

y/n decided not to attend the 2nd day

^ she spent it with her friends telling them what happened

© all writings belongs to suhkusa 2024. do not repost or change.

[its-avalon-08]

it all fell down (ln4)

part11

multipart story! part1 part2 part3 part4 part5 part6 part7 part8 part9 part10

✦ pairing - lando norris x female reader

very important note at the end - pls read it

summary : lando norris and y/n were friends for 20 years, fell in love and dated for five. until it all fell down. they left each others lives abruptly and never spoke again, until they met again in the most unexpected way. can they find their way back or will certain scars never heal?

Y/N and Lando walked back to her apartment in silence, the cool rain still falling lightly around them. Their hands were entwined, the contact grounding them as they made their way through the quiet streets. Every step felt like a promise, every glance a reassurance that they were finally on the same page, ready to confront the past that had haunted them for so long.

As they entered Y/N’s apartment, the familiar warmth of the space enveloped them. She flicked on the lights, casting a soft glow over the room, and dropped her keys on the counter. For a moment, they just stood there, the weight of what had happened between them settling in the air.

Lando took a deep breath, breaking the silence. “We should talk.”

Y/N nodded, her heart pounding. “Yeah, we should.”

They moved to the couch, sitting down with a cautious distance between them, the tension from before replaced with a more vulnerable kind of anticipation. The kind that came from knowing that the next few minutes could either heal them or break them all over again.

Y/N was the first to speak, her voice trembling with emotion. “I never wanted things to end the way they did. I was just… scared, Lando. Scared of how much you meant to me, scared of losing myself in you. I didn’t know how to handle it.”

Lando’s eyes softened as he looked at her, the pain of their breakup still fresh in his memory. “I get it, Y/N. I was scared too. But the way we both handled it… the things we said…”

His voice broke slightly, and Y/N reached out, her hand finding his. “We hurt each other so badly,” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. “I’ve never regretted anything more than the way I treated you. I thought pushing you away would make it easier, but it just… destroyed us.”

Lando squeezed her hand, his own eyes glistening with tears. “You said dating me was a mistake, and it killed me, Y/N. I kept hearing those words over and over, wondering if you ever really loved me at all.”

Tears spilled down Y/N’s cheeks as she shook her head, her voice cracking. “I didn’t mean it, Lando. I was so angry, and I just wanted to hurt you because I was hurting. But I never, ever believed that. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Lando’s breath hitched, his own tears now falling freely. “It wasn’t just you, though. I said things too, things I can’t take back. I was so hurt by what you said, I wanted you to feel the same pain I was feeling. But all it did was tear us apart.”

Y/N leaned closer, her voice breaking with emotion. “I hated myself for letting you go, for saying those things. Every day, I missed you, Lando. But I was too proud, too scared to admit that I was wrong.”

Lando’s hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb gently wiping away her tears. “I missed you too, more than I can even explain. But I was so angry at you, and at myself. I felt like I wasn’t enough for you, like I couldn’t make you happy.”

Y/N shook her head, more tears falling. “You were everything to me, Lando. I was just too blind to see it at the time. I let my fear control me, and I lost the most important person in my life because of it.”

Lando’s voice was thick with emotion as he spoke. “I felt the same way, Y/N. I lost myself in the anger, in the pain of losing you. I started acting out, trying to forget, but nothing worked. Nothing made me feel better.”

The air between them was heavy with all the unsaid words, all the pain that had been bottled up for so long. Y/N’s heart ached as she looked at Lando, seeing the hurt in his eyes, knowing she had put it there.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “For everything. I wish I could take it all back, Lando.”

Lando shook his head, pulling her closer. “We can’t change the past, but we can start over. We can try again, if you still want that.”

Y/N’s tears flowed freely as she nodded, her heart swelling with hope. “I do, Lando. I want that more than anything. But I don’t want to hurt you again.”

Lando pressed his forehead to hers, his voice a soft, broken whisper. “We’ll figure it out, Y/N. Together this time. No more running away, no more pushing each other away. Just us, facing whatever comes together.”

Y/N let out a sob, the weight of the past finally lifting from her shoulders. “I love you, Lando. I never stopped.”

Lando’s own tears fell as he pulled her into a tight embrace, holding her as if he would never let go. “I love you too, Y/N. And I’m not going anywhere.”

They held each other for a long time, their tears mingling as they finally let go of the pain that had kept them apart for so long. The world outside faded away, leaving just the two of them, wrapped in each other’s arms, ready to start over.

Y/N and Lando sat on her couch, the heaviness of their earlier conversation giving way to a lighter, more playful atmosphere. The weight of their past had been lifted, leaving space for something new—something familiar, yet fresh.

Y/N curled up, tucking her legs under her as she sipped on the hot chocolate Lando had made. She glanced at him, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. “So, tell me… how many dates did you go on while we were broken up?”

Lando raised an eyebrow, feigning innocence. “Me? Dates? Nah, I was just too busy being a ‘man of mystery’ or whatever the tabloids were calling me.”

Y/N chuckled, nudging his shoulder. “Oh, come on. You know I kept tabs on you. You weren’t exactly subtle about it.”

Lando grinned, leaning back against the couch. “Okay, fine. I went on a few dates… but none of them ever felt right. I’d be sitting there, trying to make conversation, but all I could think about was how you would have rolled your eyes at the things they were saying.”

Y/N laughed, a soft blush creeping up her cheeks. “Well, for the record, I didn’t date much either. I tried, but every guy just felt… off. They weren’t you.”

Lando’s smile softened as he looked at her, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “So, we were both equally terrible at moving on, huh?”

“Pretty much,” Y/N admitted, laughing. “I even went out with this one guy who was super into cars, hoping it would make things easier. But all I could think about was how much you’d love to debate him on whether Ferrari or McLaren was better.”

Lando snorted, shaking his head. “That poor guy didn’t stand a chance.”

Y/N giggled, the sound light and infectious. “Nope, not at all. And every time I’d see a photo of you with some model, I’d convince myself that I was totally over you… but then I’d stalk your Instagram and see your stories, and I’d realize I was just lying to myself.”

Lando chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I may have done some stalking myself. I’d see you posting about all the new things you were doing, and I’d try to convince myself that you were happier without me. But it only made me want to reach out more.”

Y/N shook her head with a smile. “It’s kind of sad, isn’t it? We were both trying so hard to move on, but we couldn’t stop thinking about each other.”

“Sad?” Lando repeated, raising an eyebrow. “I think it’s kind of sweet. We’re both just hopeless when it comes to each other.”

“Yeah, hopeless,” Y/N agreed, her voice softening. “I guess that’s what happens when you fall in love with your best friend.”

Lando’s expression grew tender as he reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I missed you so much, Y/N. No one could ever compare to you.”

Y/N’s heart fluttered at his words, and she placed her hand over his, squeezing it gently. “I missed you too, Lando. Every single day.”

They sat there in comfortable silence, their fingers intertwined, both of them reveling in the warmth of their reunion.

Lando glanced at her, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “You know, if we’d just swallowed our pride a little sooner, we could have avoided all those awful fucking dates.”

Y/N laughed, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “True. But then we wouldn’t have these funny stories to tell.”

“Fair point,” Lando conceded, grinning. “And, hey, at least we know now that no one else stands a chance.”

Y/N smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder. “No one ever did, Lando. It was always you.”

Lando wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. “And it was always you for me, too.”

As they sat there, cuddled up on the couch, the weight of the past fell away entirely, leaving only the warmth of the present. They were no longer two people trying to move on from each other—they were two people who had finally found their way back home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------avaspeaks - hi lovelies! im so sorry for being gone for so long, exam prep threw me for a toss and i was so occupied and busy. but now im back for good and ready to update the blog. i felt so awful for not updating because i know the frustration when a series is just left unfinished. but worry not because your girl is back and ready to finish all the requests and series!

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