#and honestly seems fancier than it actually would have been? from what I’ve read it seems like she would have diy’d it using felt and would

[alwaysmarveling]

Balloons

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Warnings: cursing, arguing, and Clint (since he seems to be a sensitive topic for some of you)

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Natasha surprises you with balloons. What do you get for her in return?

A/N: It can get a little confusing, so just for clarification, a single dash (-) indicates a flashback, and three dashes (---) means a skip forward in time. Also, this takes place during the Snap.

“Hey, I’ll be back in a couple of days, okay?” Natasha barely looked up from her computer screen, but she heard your murmurs, going so far as to lean into your touch as you pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

If you didn’t love her, you would’ve scrunched your nose, judged her for what must’ve been days without taking a shower. Instead, your brow furrowed slightly as you leaned over her, allowing your arms to drape over her torso, your hands clasping together at the center of her chest.

“Take care of yourself, okay? No more peanut butter sandwiches.” That elicited a groan from your wife. Her eyes remained on the monitor in front of her, but she still sunk into your embrace, her body almost on autopilot once she felt the familiar contact. “Promise me, Nat. I’ve left enough meals for the next two weeks in the fridge. All you have to do is microwave them.” A low sound left her mouth—maybe it was an “okay” or an “alright,” you really couldn’t tell—but you knew that was all you were getting from her at the moment. So, with a sigh, you brushed a quick kiss to her cheek and pushed yourself to stand straight.

“I love you, Nat.” It was only then that she turned around, finally allowing you to see the sparkle in her eyes that, more so now than ever, she reserved only for you.

“I love you too, malysh. Be safe. And call me if you need anything.”

“So you’re saying I can call and ask for you?” The redhead chuckled, leaning out of her chair to grab you by the hands. Once you were standing in between her legs, one of her hands trailed up to your cheek before pulling you down to kiss her.

“Anytime, malyshka, anytime,” she murmured, her lips brushing against yours as she spoke.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, yeah?” Natasha nodded at you. The last thing you saw as you walked out the door was her characteristic smirk, the sly wave of her slender fingers, and the way her body was slumped against the chair, another sign that betrayed just how long she had gone without sleep. You had to succeed at this, for her.

---

It was pouring when you found him. You don’t think you would’ve seen him if it weren’t for the neon signs, their reflections against the growing number of puddles lighting up the street. But you didn’t need to see him to find him; the yelling and clashing of swords were enough to tell you where he was.

“What are you doing here?” His voice was gruff. It was clear he didn’t want to see you.

“I’m here to bring someone back.” He had yet to turn around, and yet you could still hear him scoff despite his turned back and the patter of rain.

“Then keep looking.” You rolled your eyes before clearing your throat and straightening up. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to see your growing assertion, but you’d make sure he heard it.

“I’m here to bring you back.”

“Don’t you have a wife to be getting back to?” You almost flinched at his words.

“How funny, I wasn’t sure if you even knew we got married.” Yes, Clint was your friend, but you didn’t forget the way Nat’s eyes shined with hurt when she looked in the crowd at her wedding and noticed that her best friend wasn’t there. It was just another thing that made her doubt what she was doing, wonder if she was a monster for moving on while everyone else suffered. You almost lost her that day, having to get Steve to pause the ceremony as you took her off to the side, desperate to make her stay.

-

“Nat, every day I wake up I think of all the people that we lost, just like that. But you’re still here, and I can’t lose you too. And if wanting to hold onto the one good thing I have left in the world makes me a monster, then-” She had pulled you close, kissed you through the tears that ran down her cheeks.

“You could never be a monster, my love.” Your foreheads pressed together as she whispered, allowing you to see the crystal droplets, physical evidence of the internal struggle she felt every day.

“And neither can you. Marry me?” She simply nodded, and you thought you couldn’t have been happier, more relieved.

But she proved you wrong only minutes later when she read her vows out to you, her eyes only leaving the crumpled paper to look at you, to make sure you were still there, as she tried to make her true feelings known. Her voice was nothing more than a whisper—you were sure you were the only one who could hear her, but that was more than okay with you—as she told you, “You told me I’m the only good thing you have left in the world, but you are my world. If I lose you, I’ve lost the world. It doesn’t matter how many other planets there are, how many galaxies exist outside of our own. There’s nothing after you.”

You pulled her into a searing kiss, not caring that Steve had yet to tell you to kiss your bride.

You were married. You were hers, and she was yours.

-

And he missed it. Clint missed one of the most important days in his best friend’s life. He still hadn’t responded when you spoke up again. You were bringing him back no matter what. Because she needed you to.

You got him to come back with you. You honestly weren’t too sure how you’d done it; maybe he was just too tired to argue anymore. But it didn’t matter because the two of you were getting in a Quinjet and going back to Natasha.

It took less than twenty minutes for you guys to be off in the air. You set the aircraft on autopilot and left the seat, heading back to put away your things.

“I will admit, I thought we’d be moving a little faster.” Your head cocked to the side at Clint’s words, not quite understanding what he meant.

“Trust me, we’re going as fast as we can. We should be there in a couple of hours.” You were almost out of earshot when he spoke again, but his words caught your attention as if he had screamed them at you.

“What’d you get her for the anniversary?”

“Wha- what do you mean? What’s today’s date?” And as Clint sighed with a shake of his head, you felt your heart sinking in your chest. He didn’t need to answer. You thought back to yesterday’s phone call and you knew exactly where you’d messed up.

-

“Hello? Nat? What are you doing awake? It’s late, you should be asleep.” There was a pause over the phone, and at first, you thought she’d hung up.

“I, um, I just wanted to check in on you.” It wasn’t so much the fact that she called or her words as it was her dejected tone that grabbed your attention, immediately made you concerned.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong? Do you need me to come back?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” she quickly reassured you. “Just… you sure you’re not forgetting anything?” You scanned the supplies you’d laid out on the dresser. A weapon or two, a couple of toiletries, only the necessities. But nothing was missing.

“No, I think I have everything. Why? Did you see something at home?” Another pause. And, still, you chalked it up to bad connection, or maybe the fact that it was late for her, she must’ve been tired.

“No, you didn’t leave anything at home.” You took one last glance at your things before nodding and launching into your plan for how you were going to get Clint back. She wasn’t as excited as you thought she would’ve been, but you never caught it. Even when you ended the call and all she gave you was a quiet goodbye, you never caught it.

-

You entered the compound with a crash, scrambling to find Natasha. It was nighttime when you got back, the lights automatically turning on one by one as you ran through each of the rooms, each of them full of furniture but devoid of life.

First, you reached the kitchen. Natasha hadn’t put away the candles, the wicks drowning in wax as if nobody had bothered to blow them out. One plate of food—which was much fancier than any of the meals you had left for Nat in the fridge—lay untouched on the counter, and you knew that, if you dared to open the fridge, there’d be another plate waiting for you.

Next, you made your way into the living room. A vase of roses sat on the coffee table, but one of them was already wilted, a petal threatening to fall off if you so much as looked at it for too long. A small bunch of heart balloons hovered in the corner. The shadows fell on them in just the right way it seemed, with them looking more like they were threatening to chase after you rather than welcome you home.

You went to your bedroom next. You doubted she would’ve been in there, but some small part of you hoped that you and Clint were wrong; you hadn’t actually missed anything, and Natasha somehow pulled herself away from her work to grab a few hours of sleep. But it wasn’t your wife on the bed. Instead, an unfamiliar yet friendly-looking teddy bear sat on the comforter, the card next to it standing upright. And though every part of you yelled at you not to open it, you did.

It was storebought, but that wasn’t what affected you. What finally broke the dam, made the tears stream down your cheeks, was the brief message she’d written on the inside.

“I know I haven’t been the best wife lately, but you are still my world. The sun, moon, stars, it’s all you, malyshka. It always will be. Happy anniversary.”

It was only then that you set off for the one place you were sure Natasha would be.

---

The smell hit you before you even entered her office. Then, you heard the somewhat incoherent grumbles, each word charged with more anger and sorrow than the last. And so it was more to your horror than surprise when you found her still at her desk, her head in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.

“Natty…” A flash of red filled your vision as her head whipped up to see you, but you weren’t sure if the color came from her cheeks or her hair.

“Oh, so you still remember my name?”

“Natty, please, I’m so sorry. I was so hun-” At first, your wife seemed slightly surprised, as if she wasn’t expecting you to apologize. Or maybe she wasn’t expecting you to know what you were apologizing for.

“Don’t you dare call me that right now, Y/N.” If her order didn’t sting, her use of your actual name definitely did. But you pushed away those feelings; right now, it was about her, the way it should’ve been about her yesterday.

“Natasha, let me explain. I was so focused on Clint, on the things we had to get done here. The dates really meant nothing to me.” Her flinches were delayed, slightly sluggish, but they nevertheless hurt to see.

“So the date of our wedding means nothing to you? I got you balloons, Y/N, I got you fucking balloons.” You flinched, but it wasn’t at the sound of the vodka bottle slamming down on the desk or at her words. It was at the words she’d told you on your six month anniversary of dating, the day she’d surprised you with a dinner at a three Michelin star restaurant and a night in a five-star hotel, a luxury you’d never experienced before and never thought you’d have in your life, let alone while you were on the run from the US federal government. But, you’d had to remind yourself as Natasha pulled you into the hotel room with a giggle, this was the world’s best spy you were dating. Of course, if anyone was capable of pulling this off, it was her. 

-

“What are those?” you’d gasped, the glint of the dim lamplight on the mylar catching your attention.

“I got you balloons,” she’d chuckled as she pulled you into her embrace. “I love you so fucking much that I got you balloons. God, I’m such a sap.” You met her lips in a sweet kiss before pulling her closer, if that was even possible.

“You’re my sap.” Nat pressed another kiss to the corner of your mouth, loving the way it curved upwards in a grin. Loving the fact that she made it do that.

“Well, duh, you think I’m going to go out and get balloons for Tony?” You simply giggled, the champagne the two of you had enjoyed earlier that evening only strengthening the joy that bubbled in you. “No. Never. Only for you, detka.” She had punctuated each sentence with a kiss, each one being on a different spot on your face.

“You got me balloons,” you finally whispered, meeting her eyes.

“I got you balloons,” the blonde agreed. You loved the way the green orbs captured your own gaze; you could bathe in the love they held for you.

-

But at this moment, you felt yourself drowning in the sorrow filling her eyes, the fact that she wasn’t crying being one piece of dignity you couldn’t maintain no matter how hard you tried.

“Nat,” you slowly stepped closer to her, your footsteps being the only sound filling the room during the pause. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant I barely processed what day it was at all. The only thing I was focusing on was getting Clint back.” A small part of you knew that Natasha was far too hurt and drunk to be reasoned with at the moment, but you still tried. And the rejection hurt just as much as if you hadn’t been expecting it.

“You don’t love me.” You were by her side in an instant, quick to refute her point.

“That’s not true at a-”

“You don’t love me! Just admit it, Y/N. You don’t love me.”

“Natasha, please-” Your vision was so clouded by tears you could barely make out your surroundings, but the anguish on your wife’s face was somehow clearer than it had been all night.

“You only love me when it benefits you! God, how was I so foolish to believe you could ever love me back in the same way I love you?” And though you tried to stop her, pleaded with her to just listen to you for a second, she never even hesitated for a second, the remaining vodka threatening to spill out out of the bottle with how she swung it in the air. Her insecurities from your relationship, the ones you had spent night after night reassuring her of, were coming out in full force, each word thrown out of her mouth being another punch to your gut.

But it was her last sentence that made you almost double over in pain; the way she looked at you, eyes glassy and her lower lip wobbling, the way she spoke, her voice airy and broken, the way her face was contorted, as if something had broken inside of her. Maybe something had.

“Did I really make you feel safe, or did I just help you not to feel alone?”

-

You knew she was standing outside of your room well before she knocked. Well, you knew someone was standing outside of your room.

Sure, you weren’t expecting the normally-closed off assassin to be the one who entered when you let out a measly “come in,” but you were too wrapped up in your grief to care.

“Wanda made dinner.”

“I don’t want it.” You didn’t have to turn your head to know how she was standing, feet shoulder-width apart and arms crossed over her chest. And maybe, if you cared, you would’ve been scared, but for all you were concerned she could come running full speed at you with widow’s bites in her hand and you wouldn’t even flinch. Maybe you’d welcome it.

“It’s not a negotiation. You’re coming to dinner. You haven’t eaten all day.”

“I’m not hungry.” At first, Natasha didn’t respond. You thought you were safe. She’d turn around, close the door behind her, and you’d be alone once again, the way you should’ve been. The way you always should be. But instead, you heard her approaching footsteps and felt the mattress sink as she perched herself on the edge of your bed.

“You deserve to eat, Y/N. Just because you made a mistake-”

“A mistake is forgetting your phone at home, Nat. I got people killed. I deserve to die.” Natasha paused for a moment, and you felt the weight of her hand as she rested it on your ankle.

“You’re not the first of us to do that. Do you think we deserve to die too?” Anger and frustration swelled in your chest at her words. Of course they didn’t deserve to die; how could you agree to that? But she didn’t understand, you were different because you were you.

You hated the way she trapped you with simple logic, wanting to scream and yell for her to get out. But she was the woman of your dreams, so you stayed silent. She’d leave eventually. They all did. Or maybe you just made them leave, who knows?

But she was there 5 minutes later, 10 minutes later, 15. Half an hour passed and she was still sitting there, her posture just as perfect as when she first sat down.

Another half an hour passed before Natasha sighed, the corner of the mattress lifting. But she didn’t leave the room. Instead, she rounded the bed and sat down next to you, hands folded in her lap and her back against the headboard.

“You’re not going to leave?” you finally asked.

“No.”

“Why?” You hated the way it came out cracked and broken. You were the one who messed up; why were you also the one falling apart?

“Because you deserve to be forgiven. And you don’t deserve to be alone. I’ll stay until you realize that.” It amazed you how she said it so matter-of-factly, how she said it as if it was painfully obvious.

“Then it looks like you’re going to be staying the night.”

“Good thing I wore my pajamas.” It wasn’t until she said that that you finally turned around to look at her. Why was she wearing her pajamas?

“You knew I wasn’t coming out.”

“I had a feeling.” Her shrug was nonchalant, but the way she picked at her fingers suggested she was more nervous than she was trying to let on.

“Why are you here, Tasha?”

“Because I care,” was her answer, spoken softly yet firmly, as if she was challenging you to oppose her. But you let her.

You let her slide down, lay her arm over you. You let her lay a kiss on your forehead, hold you while you slept, fend off the screams of the departed so your dreams didn’t turn into nightmares. And just before you finally dozed off, getting the rest you’d been deprived of for days, you murmured something so quiet she could barely hear it. She’d never forget it.

“Ever since I joined the Avengers, I’m always waiting for someone to leave. Someone getting hurt, getting killed. They’ll leave one way or another and I won’t be able to get them back. I’m always on edge. But you make me feel safe, I think.”

-

“Tasha, you know that’s not true at all. Please,” you tried walking towards her again with one trembling hand outstretched, just to get her to put down the bottle, just to pull her into your arms as you tried to physically show her just how much you really did love her, just to do anything.

She backed away.

It hit you then; you weren’t going to get her back. Not now, at least. Nothing you could say, nothing you could do, could get her to listen to you at this moment.

“Just leave me alone,” she whispered, as if she could read your mind. You always thought the two of you were connected in some way. Maybe she could tell what you were thinking.

But it seemed the connection stopped there. She couldn’t understand how your feet were glued to the floor, how your heart stopped for the umpteenth time that hour, how your eyes scoured any and every part of her for want of some sign that things would be okay. She gave you nothing but a renewed hardening of her gaze, as if she had just remembered her days as one of the world’s most formidable assassins.

“Fine. I’ll leave.” And just like that, she was gone. It didn’t matter that she almost stumbled over the leg of a chair, or how you got an extra strong whiff of vodka as she passed by. What mattered was that she was gone.

---

Natasha got you balloons, filled you with joy and love as if you were a child at the center of attention during their birthday party. And you, distracted by all the other decorations that surrounded you, had let them go, the strings slipping out of your grip and floating to unreachable heights.

You had let her go.

-----

🏷 : @vancityfire13 @007giu

[existslikepristin]

A Two-on-One Match

Part 2 of 3 of the OC Jung Hyunjin's arc. A request from Rex [of the ever-changing name] I recommend starting with A Quick Fix to follow the plot if you haven't read it already.

Tags: TheLounge, Gfriend, Eunha, SinB, male OC Jung Hyunjin, "oh hey I know you", one dom one sub one clueless boxer, some butt stuff, request

~~~~~

The bell rang to announce Yuta’s departure. He turned back as he walked through the door and waved. “Thanks Hyunjin! Good to meet you!”

“You too man! Enjoy!” Hyunjin waved back. It was his second week working at The Lounge and he was getting to know quite the wide range of people, and the first day he was working the morning shift, now that he was fully finished with his evening training.

A familiar voice came from behind, just at the entrance to the kitchen. “Nice catch. How’d you know Yuta would like the cinnamon sprinkle?” It was Hyunjin’s new boss, Kim Soomin.

“Wish I could tell you Ms. Kim. Honestly I just guessed.”

Soomin shrugged. “We’ll chalk it up to intuition then. Anyway, it seems like you’ve got things handled up here. I’m going to start up the oven for some brownies. Sungho is going to be here in half an hour, but I’ll be right there if you get rushed, alright?”

“You got it, Ms. Kim.”

Hyunjin wasn’t especially worried, since he didn’t imagine they’d be getting that many more customers in so early in the morning. When Soomin was gone, he leaned back against the perfectly clean counter and pulled out his phone.

Sowon had told him she was an idol, but he still hadn’t bothered to look up her music. It seemed to him that while he was waiting for customers was as good a time as any. He opened up his default browser and tapped in her name. A second later, his phone was flooded with pictures of Sowon in a variety of outfits, generally much fancier than what he usually saw her in. In the sidebar, her real name appeared, as well as the company she worked for and the group she was part of. “Gfriend,” rung a bell in Hyunjin’s head, at least, though he had no clue if he’d actually heard any of their music before. Maybe at a convenient store while he wasn’t paying attention?

He tapped the link to change the search to Gfriend. The images that showed up were far more zoomed out than before. He could pick out Sowon’s face among the six women in each picture, but immediately scrolled down and saw their names. He nodded his head and kept going down the list. Jung Yerin was next. No clue who she was. Then Jung Eunbi, also known as Eunha. That name sounded somehow familiar to him, but he continued to read. Choi Yuna, also known as Yuju…

He was interrupted by the bell ringing. He bounced away from the counter and popped his phone back into his pocket. Looking up, he saw two women had entered. One of them took off to the side toward the lounge chairs right away, but the other one approached the counter. She walked normally at first, but slowed down when she and Hyunjin’s eyes met.

“H-hyunjin?” she asked.

Hyunjin hesitated to respond. He pulled his phone back out and looked at the images still on the screen. “Do you go by Eunha?”

Eunha nodded slowly. “Yeah… Were you in drama club in middle school?”

“I was.”

There was a long pause.

“Holy shit, Hyunjin! It’s been such a long time! When did you start working here?”

Hyunjin laughed. He knew the name was familiar. “Just a couple of weeks ago. I got referred by Sowon.”

Eunha laughed back. “She and I are in a girl group together!”

“I literally just found that out! I was looking you guys up! See?” Hyunjin held out his phone.

“Woah! Yeah! How are you doing these days?”

The two took some time to reminisce and catch up. Despite the initial moment of not recognizing each other, they quickly remembered their connection. They had grown up in the same neighborhood, and recalled a variety of events they had gone to together as children. Eunha was a year above him in school, but had encouraged him to participate in drama. The Lounge continued to stay effectively empty the whole time. Hyunjin told Eunha about how he and Sowon met and how he ended up there, and about how he was training again to fight. Eunha told him about the rest of Gfriend, and how the other woman she entered with was Umji.

To avoid making Umji wait too much longer, Hyunjin took Eunha’s order and got to work. He was all smiles. When he brought their coffee to them, he included a napkin with his phone number on it and invited Eunha to the fight, but couldn’t continue to chat with the other customers that began to pour in, the bell going wild.

* * *

The bell went wild. It was the end of the last round. Hyunjin wiped at his nose with his arm. His opponent backed off and the two bumped their gloves together. Hyunjin wasn’t especially happy with the turnout. It had been far too long since he’d stepped in a ring, and it showed. That wasn’t going to stop him from being a good sport though. He kept a smile on.

Fortunately, the referee still held his arm up in the end. “... by split decision: Jung Hyunjin!”

The crowd cheered. Whether it was for Hyunjin or not, he couldn’t really tell. The crowd wasn’t exactly huge, and the two fighters nobody had heard of (it was only his opponent’s second official match) in a small venue didn’t exactly have a fanbase yet. Hyunjin couldn’t pick any familiar faces out of the crowd either.

His disappointment was quickly abated by who he saw while making his way to the locker room. Dressed in frumpy, nondescript sweatshirts and hats, Eunha and another girl Hyunjin barely recognized from Gfriend’s group pictures as SinB caught him right at the doorway.

“Hey! We were hiding out in the back row. Congrats!”

Hyunjin ran his fingers through his hair. “Thanks. I was rusty though.”

“Rusty? What do you mean? You were great!”

SinB tapped Eunha on the arm. “No, he’s right. They both looked like amateurs.”

Hyunjin grimaced, but before he could say anything, Eunha grabbed him by the arm. “Hey, let’s go in there, where it’s not so noisy! I can barely hear you two!”

She wasn’t wrong. When the door closed behind them, the lack of noise was a relief.

“So yeah,” SinB started, “what I was saying is that he’s right. They loo--”

Eunha silenced her with a strict look. “SinB...” is all she said, and it was all she needed.

SinB averted her eyes and a blush crossed her cheeks. “It’s um… Nice to meet you, Hyunjin. My name’s SinB.”

Hyunjin smirked. “Hey, good meeting you too. Don’t worry about the fight though. I used to be a lot better. I’m just out of practice. I’ll be starting regular training again next week.”

“You really did do great though,” Eunha said, “I mean, you had to, right? You won.”

“Yeah, I guess so. I’m just being critical of myself. But anyway, thanks for coming! I really appreciate the support.”

“Of course! Just think of us as your first fans?” Eunha ended with a questioning tone, but followed up quickly. “Actually, let’s not be fans yet. It’s weird for fans to take you out to dinner.”

“Dinner, huh? I’d like that. I need to get washed up first. Pretty sure I’ve still got some blood in my mouth.”

“Totally, yeah! We’ll just, uh, wait here.”

Hyunjin gave a nod and went to the locker room. He could hear Eunha hushedly giving SinB an earful the whole way.

Undressing was a bit painful. Hyunjin had taken a particularly strong hit to one of his left ribs, and now that he could see the site of the impact, he could already tell it would be bruising. He hoped it wasn’t broken.

As he made his way to the open showers, he could hear Eunha and SinB again. They sounded like they were close to the locker room. There wasn’t a door to block the sound though, so he didn’t think much of it, but he knew something was up when he heard footsteps over the sound of the running water. Nobody else should be on this half of the building except his coach, who he hadn’t even informed of the fight. He quickly covered his dick with his hands and turned to the entrance.

And there was SinB, blushing furiously, looking straight up at the ceiling. “H-hey, Hyunjin. I’m sorry.”

“Um. Well, cool. Apology accepted. But is this really the--”

Hyunjin cut himself off as Eunha brushed past SinB. But unlike SinB, she was completely undressed. She walked toward him, small breasts bouncing with each step, getting soaked as she went directly through the spray of the showers. He started to smile, but noticed and quickly got rid of it. “Eunha, you’re…”

“I’m here to help you get cleaned up,” she finished his sentence for him, though it wasn’t what he was intending to say. “We can get to the restaurant sooner this way, right?”

Eunha grabbed a bar of soap from one of the little shelves along the wall and stopped just short of Hyunjin, who had lost all hope of being able to hide his erection. Not that Eunha seemed to mind, or even pay any attention. But it’s what she said next that made her intentions much, much clearer.

“You and Sowon aren’t exclusive, right?”

“No. I suppose we’ve been very clear that we aren’t.” Hyunjin took a hand away from his crotch to rub the back of his neck.

Eunha put a hand on Hyunjin’s arm, pointing at his neck. “Oh no. Are you feeling sore?” She gestured toward a stool. “Let me give you a massage. SinB!”

Hyunjin watched, half afraid and half mesmerized, as SinB quickly undressed and tossed all of her clothes back into the locker room. He let Eunha pull him down to sit on the stool she dragged underneath the stream of the shower. “I don’t really need a massage. It’s okay.”

“That’s good to hear! I’ll just get started on washing you up then. In the meantime, can you do me a favor?”

“Uh… Sure?”

While sitting on the stool, Hyunjin was just barely shorter than Eunha, which let her lean down to whisper in his ear. Her tone made it clear she was asking a question. “Let SinB practice on you?”

Hyunjin’s eyes went wide. “So Eunha, I don’t mean to sound like a perv here, but are you implying something about practicing a blowjob? Because I’ll take that.”

Eunha motioned for SinB to approach. “No, no. Why would you think that?” she asked, clearly twitching at the corner of her mouth as she tried not to smile. She slowly pulled Hyunjin’s other hand away from his full-mast dick.

In no time at all, SinB was standing in front of Hyunjin, hair getting drenched by the shower, hands behind her back, and eyes anywhere but on him. With a little difficulty, she moved to straddle his lap. The width of her legs put her bare pussy dangerously close to his cock.

Sure he knew where the situation was taking them, Hyunjin shifted his legs, pushing SinB’s a little farther apart. The head of his dick speared her. He watched as her chest rose and fell rapidly. She used her hands to brace herself on his shoulders. He wanted to make a snarky comment, but was having difficulty coming up with anything good. He was also distracted by the feeling of something hard against his cock. He reached around SinB and grabbed her butt. As his fingers explored, he was able to verify immediately that she had a butt plug inside of her.

“This is an interesting night,” he said simply.

Just then, Hyunjin felt Eunha pressing her front up against his back. Her skin glided over his, as if it was (and it was) covered in soap. At the same time, SinB lowered herself further onto his dick in a jerking, twitching way.

“I don’t know what you mean. Is something unusual, Hyunjin?” Eunha asked as she rubbed her tits and stomach up and down his back.

Hyunjin’s sarcasm struggled its way out of his throat as SinB started fucking him, bouncing herself and making a beautiful, wet scene of her slim body. “Not at all…” Hyunjin said, “Perfectly normal Wednesday night.”

Eunha couldn’t contain her giggle. She ran her soapy hands over Hyunjin’s shoulders, arms, and whatever parts of his legs she could reach with SinB in the way. He winced a little when she swept over his new bruise, but otherwise did his best not to react.

“How do you like SinB’s pussy?”

Hyunjin groaned. His grip on SinB’s asscheeks tightened subconsciously. He had to unclench his teeth to say, “It’s alright.”

“Hear that, SinB? Just alright. Maybe a bit amateurish.”

SinB’s shoulders tensed up visibly. “I said I was sorry…”

Eunha walked around to the shelves on the wall to pull a bottle of shampoo off. The close up view of Eunha’s plump, naked, wet ass just about set Hyunjin off. She was obviously arching her back just enough to make it noticeable.

“Damn, Eunha. I always admired your butt when you were my senior, but now… fuck…”

She turned to look at Hyunjin over her shoulder. “Oh thank you! Sounds like you’re thinking about cumming?”

Hyunjin nodded. With no hesitation at all, Eunha set the shampoo back down and pulled a visibly shocked SinB off of his cock. He was shocked too, about ready to ask why Eunha would do such a thing, but found his answer right away.

Eunha, facing away from Hyunjin, positioned herself between his legs and spread her ass with one hand, and grabbed his cock with the other. She directed it to an unexpected target, and Hyunjin’s breath caught in his throat as he was hilted completely in Eunha’s asshole.

“Now you can cum,” she said.

Hyunjin didn’t need to be told twice. He barely needed to be told once. His orgasm hit him harder than his opponent did in the ring. He grabbed Eunha’s hips and held her down against him as he pumped a gigantic load into her ass.

He brushed his hair back, suddenly light headed, feeling like his soul had just been pulled out of him through his cock. He saw SinB sitting back against the wall, still blushing bright red, masturbating as she stared between Eunha’s legs at the spot where Hyunjin was impaling her.

“So then,” Eunha said casually, despite having an ass full of Hyunjin’s dick and cum, “Did you want anything special for dinner? I have an idea if you don’t!”

Hyunjin smiled. He was still trying to comprehend what just happened, but he was happy with it, even if the intensity of his climax left him with the sound of a bell ringing in his ears.

[venteamocha]

Thanks so much for the IF recs! I'd absolutely take a second post of recommendations for Twine games too if you're willing to share! <3

Of course!!

I... actually like twine games better than cog based ones, in some ways, just because they tend to be fancier and prettier, and I am secretly a ferret in the body of a human and I love shinies. ADHD, baby!

I only actually know of like 12 twine games, so if there are any that anyone who sees this knows of that I didn’t list, feel free to let me know about them! There’s a chance I do know about them and just didn’t put them here, but I would rather hear one I already know of on the off chance that I’ll get a new one dropped in.

That said! Another list of games I really like that is again in no particular order!

They’re all on itch.io by the way! They tend to work better if you download them but most can be run in your browser and most are also mobile friendly so you can play them on your phone! I’ll note which ones are.

Scout: An Apocalypse Story: I love dystopia stories, I dearly wish we had more IF based in this kind of setting. Set in a wasteland that is trying to pull itself together with people trying to find out if other settlements are out there while also trying to, well, stay alive. I gotta say, I played only E’s route for a long, long time, but once I tried the other ones I haven’t really gone back. I still love E, you can pry the childhood friend trope out of my cold dead hands, but wow. Oliver. Wow. That dude has serious UST. And Sabine!! I’ve been forced out of my little “play it the same way every time” rut and I’m not sorry. I very much like that you can choose the intimacy level, as someone who’s ace. Sometimes I like reading the smut, sometimes I don’t. Options! (mobile friendly!)

Bad Ritual: I got it baaaaaaaaaad~ I do though, I love Siruud. I have terrible, terrible taste in men. I mentioned Dracula in the other list, and here there’s an actual demon. This is a game with *sass* and I always love a chance to be sassy. I think part of the reason I resonate so much with this one is because of how jaded retail has made me tbh but that’s another story.  Honestly, if you like dark settings, I recommend you play this one first of all my recommendations. It’s just such a good game and there are so many choices and even the pronoun choices are pretty varied.  It’s just good! (mobile friendly!)

Wayfarer: Another for the fantasy list! I love the worldbuilding in this one, and the character creator is just amazing. There are maps, there’s a codex, seriously if you love reading lore, this is definitely a game for you. This is like if Tolkien made an IF. It’s amazing. I’ve said that a few times but it’s true. In all honesty it might count as one that’s not so romance focused, since it does focus more on plot. If I could just sit down and make an IF, I’d want it to be like this tbh. With a beautiful framework, a well organized space of information for the players to just look at and see stuff about the world, a way to develop and build their own character in a clear cut way, and the game immediately tells you what stats are effected by what choices. I really enjoy it when games try to work in character creation in creative ways, but sometimes I just want to sit down and go, “Okay, my character has red hair, blue eyes, is short, and has a crippling phobia of lizards” and this game lets me do that. Well, except for the lizard part. (Not as mobile friendly as the others but I make it work!)

Love and Friendship: It’s a regency game and I love Pride and Prejudice. What can I say? Something about the massive amount of rules of society just gets me. Propriety! This is a game that has a set gender protagonist, female, and it actually is a bit different from the norm in that it has two female love interests and one male, when most of the time it’s the other way around. So that’s something. You can even have a platonic route with a fourth love interest, who is also male. There really aren’t enough platonic routes, but I understand why that is, since a lot of IF players are looking for romance. (mobile friendly!)

Exiled From Court: Also a bit of the same vibe simply because of how constrained everyone is by rules. Nobility, after all. There are a lot of love interests, and one is the MC’s sister’s husband, which is definitely gonna be scandalous. Will I do it? Will I? Eventually. I do like how you can act like an absolute hellion, well, as far as that goes considering. You can try to be a better person but that’s less fun, lol. (mobile friendly!)

A Tale of Crowns: This is literally one of the very first twine games I ever played. Really! It’s got a lot of wonderful intrigue and the setting is very fun. There aren’t a ton of fantasy middle eastern games, and this game is definitely one reason why we should have more. There’s a great deal of customization, and the love interests’ gender will changed based on your MC’s gender and sexuality combination. I like R & D best, and no that’s not a pun. I think. (mobile friendly!)

For the Crown: This is a different game, I swear, they just both happen to have crown in the title, lol. You get to play as an assassin, which is a great deal of fun. The lore in the game is very nice too. I tend to play with they/them pronouns though, and there were a few pronoun hiccups in the game. Seems to be an issue across all of the games made by this author, but I know how much of a pain variables can be so hopefully those will get squashed soon. There’s an explicit content choice in this one as well, and if you turn it on there is an “equipment” choice, so this is definitely gonna be spicy later on! (mobile friendly, but after each chapter the browser shifts as it auto saves. you just have to tap restore game to keep playing.)

-These games aren’t exactly twine games, but I’m putting them here because they’re visual novels that fit the IF format for the most part and are also on itch.io and I love them and for this post at least I will bend my own rules! They all have gender choice MCs and are nonbinary friendly.-

Perfumare: This game is actually being made into an IF, with the visual novel as a sort of preview of what we’re gonna get there. I literally cannot wait for that to happen, this game is so good as it is, and from what we’ve been told it’s only gonna get better. This game has an excellent world, the characters are all messy in the best ways, and ugh it has hurt me quite a bit, again in the best way.  It’s another one on the dark side of things. The powers in this game are just so fun, I dearly want a game set in this world where we can choose what powers we have! Maybe that will be in the IF, but I have a feeling the answer is no. We’ve been teased that there will be a second game with a different MC who will get to romance the characters we can’t in this one, and that alone is enough to get me to jump as soon as it drops. The love interests aren’t gender variable but there are two male ones and one female. I, a known mess, recommend Laurent for lots of repression and pain. (not mobile friendly, you gotta play on desktop/laptop)

Andromeda Six: I’ve recommended this one to pretty much everyone I know, it is such an excellent game. The cast is a mashup of misfits and makes me miss my Mass Effect crews. I specifically set my pronouns to she/her just so they’d all call me Princess. What can I say, I like it. There’s lots of pain, lots of drama, lots of world building, lots of interesting lore, and there is much breaking of cuties. Much. Can’t wait till we get to the next planet. The author has gone out of their way to say that each love interest is gonna get their own arc and will definitely get their own share of attention, so no matter who you pick you’ll have plenty of time to be with them and watch them shine. (not mobile friendly, gotta play on desktop/laptop)

When the Night Comes: Not only do you get to play a badass hunter but it has multiple poly routes! Multiple! It’s rare when you get one poly in a game, this one has three! You can also choose to romance any of them individually if you so choose. It’s dark fantasy gothic, and I really really like that. (not mobile friendly, gotta play on desktop/laptop)

Errant Kingdom: Made from the same dev as WTNC, this one is set in a more fantasy middle eastern setting. Very pretty, lots of intrigue. You can choose between three set protagonists, who can have three different storylines depending on your choices, which is very nice for replayability. It’s got two poly routes this time, and it works the same as their other game in that you can romance them individually if you’d rather be monogamous. (not mobile friendly, gotta play on desktop/laptop)

[acciofanfics]

Care To Dance? (Harry Potter x Reader)

Request: Hi! Can you do a harry potter x reader fluffy oneshot where the reader gives him his first kiss?❤️

Pairing: Harry Potter x FemReader

Warnings: Umm, none guys this is so fluffy, I’m proud of myself!

Word Count: 1352

A/N: So again I must apologize for the delay in this! I’m not used to writing a lot of Harry so I hope this isn’t too OOC -S

———————————————————————

(Y/N) felt sorry for the boy... he looked so incredibly bored. It seemed like it would be impossible to be bored during the Yule Ball, but Harry had a way of doing the impossible (he was a champion at only 14). She could change that.

Harry watched in confusion as the girl sat down beside him. He wondered why anyone would choose to do what him and Ron were doing, especially (Y/N). She looked like she was having so much fun dancing with her friends and her date (Harry couldn’t remember his name, but he knew he was in Ravenclaw because he’d over heard it during dinner). “Hi, Harry! Hi Ron!”

Ron just waved his hand in acknowledgment; he was too preoccupied watching Hermione and Viktor. Harry wasn’t nearly as rude, “Hey, having a good time?”

“I am,” She nodded sincerely. As much as she loved Quidditch (she was on the Gryffindor team as well) and she even loved her studies, it was nice to have a break. “Why aren’t you?”

“Oh! I am having fun...” Harry lied and he could see that she wasn’t buying it. To be honest, she’d have to be pretty thick to fall for the thinly veiled sentence.

“Like I believe you put your name in the fire.” She was happy to see his face soften, she knew he had been struggling and a lot of their fellow classmates thought he was just trying to be the center of attention like always. She always thought that was hogwash, anyone who spent any time at all with Harry knew that he would’ve preferred a much quieter year at Hogwarts.

“I suppose Yule Balls just aren’t my thing?” He offered up another excuse, maybe this time she would buy it. He’d probably had more fun with a different date, but his nerves had him waiting until the last minute and by then any of the girls he thought he’d truly have a good time with were snatched up. He’d even thought about asking (Y/N), she might’ve been a year older than him, but she was always so kind to him and quite pretty too. If he hadn’t thought that before he’d definitely thought so now when she was in her gown. It didn’t matter though, because she already had a date by the time Harry mentioned it to her.

“Have you given it a chance? I mean a real one, like maybe dancing when all of the schools aren’t watching you?”

“Well... my date has disappeared.” Harry didn’t blame Padma and Pavarti for ditching him and his mate. They hadn’t been very fun, honestly Harry thought they probably owed them an apology.

(Y/N) stood in front of him and offered her hand to him. Almost as if on cue the band started to play something a little softer (if nothing else it’d probably be much easier to get him to dance to music like that). “If Ron would be okay in your absence I’d be honored if you would dance with me, Mr. Harry Potter.”

He looked over at Ron who was definitely paying them no mind. He doubted there was anything Harry could do or say that would draw him out of his trance. Reluctantly Harry took her hand which was remarkably soft, “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

(Y/N) chuckled and placed his hands on her hips (she knew traditionally they were supposed to be higher, but if that didn’t loosen the poor kid up then she didn’t know what would). And respectively she wrapped hers around his neck. There were fancier ways to slow dance sure, but there was nothing easier than the tried and true method of just swaying to the melody. “I think you can do it, it’s pretty easy.”

“This isn’t exactly how Professor McGonagall taught us.” Harry countered her teasing.

“Well, if you’d prefer I could see if she’d dance with you.” (Y/N) feigned offense, but laughed when he let out a quick: No!

Harry had to admit this was actually pretty entertaining. He tried not to notice how they seemingly got closer the longer they danced, and for a moment he wondered if she’d notice if his hands accidentally slid down a bit. No, the night had taken a pleasant turn, no sense in pushing his luck too far. “If you don’t mind my asking, why aren’t you dancing with...”

“Dave...” She chuckled at his obvious embarrassment of not knowing the boy’s name, “Why would I dance with Dave when I could dance with the boy who lived? But seriously, I’ve been with Dave all night and it was fun sure, but you looked so bored over there I felt bad.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” Harry couldn’t say he wasn’t disappointed. The thrill of having a girl he liked in his arms was diminished a good bit when she admitted it was because she pitied him.

(Y/N) clearly didn’t have a way with words and she just hoped that she’d figure out a way to fix what she’d said. “I felt bad that a very good friend of mine wasn’t having a good time... I didn’t mean- Say, do you think you could sneak out to the courtyard in about 5 minutes?”

Harry didn’t want to brag, but sneaking out was one of his specialties. He wouldn’t have had much time to do so anyway because as soon as he agreed she slipped away from him with a small smile. Girls were confusing.... but alluring. So he waiting a few minutes before following her out to the courtyard.

The first thing Harry noticed was how chilly the night air was, but that was probably because it was dark. The second thing Harry noticed was how attractive (Y/N) looked sitting on the edge of the fountain waiting for him. “You made it.” She offered him a welcoming grin and patted the concrete beside her.

Harry shrugged off the jacket of his dress robes and draped it around her bare shoulders before taking his seat beside her. If he was cold, he imagined she had to be freezing.

“I really didn’t mean it to come out like that in there...” She looked apologetic, and she definitely was. “To be honest with you I thought about asking you to go with me, but I assumed you would’ve had a date already. I definitely didn’t dance with you just because I felt bad.”

“I wish you would’ve, it would’ve saved me quite a lot of trouble.” Harry jested, but in actuality he did mean it, and it did make him feel quite good to hear her say it.

“Well next time I won’t drag my feet.” She giggled.

A silence fell over them, and Harry felt guilty. He was sure there was probably something else he was supposed to say, but he just couldn’t think of anything at the moment. Maybe if he opened his mouth the words would come out? It was worth a shot, but as soon as his lips parted they shut again after feeling her press a soft kiss to his cheek. They were probably on fire now, despite the cool air.

“You okay?” (Y/N) spoke up when Harry remained unresponsive. Maybe she’d read the signs wrong?

“Yeah... I’m sorry, I haven’t really- I’m not quite sure-“ Harry began to ramble quite lamely in his opinion, but it wasn’t untrue.

Her smile was warm and inviting when Harry finally got the courage to look over at her. She leaned in slowly, giving him time to properly reject her if he wanted. Harry wouldn’t though, in fact he leaned in too, following her lead. Their eyelids got heavier the closer they got and by the time their lips finally connected, they were completely shut.

He could definitively say that her lips were as soft as they looked and quite pleasant against his. He had no desire to end the kiss, but unfortunately their lungs left them little choice. But that was okay, because when Harry saw the large grin that mimicked his on her face he knew there’d be another chance.

[thatgamefromthatad]

3 more games like Merge Mansion - the genre is evolving!

More and more games like Merge Mansion (two-item merge games) are being released and I can hardly keep up, but I’m glad because I find this genre so satisfying! Here I’ll review three more relatively new games, which are all unique in that they break off quite a bit from the original Merge Mansion, and include their own mechanics not seen in the other Merge Mansion-esque games I’ve covered!

You can see my original Games like Merge Mansion review here, although it’s quite outdated as many of those games have made significant changes since I wrote that in early March. I’ll try to add some updates to the original post sometime in the near future to better reflect that current status of each of those games. You can also find links to the other two-item merge games I’ve previously reviewed in my final ranking at the end!

Read my full reviews of Plantopia, Merge Adventure and City Boom below:

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Plantopia: Merge Garden (Early Access)

Developer: Voodoo

Release Date: May 7, 2020 (Early Access)

This game is an interesting one because I only found it recently and started seeing ads for it recently although it’s apparently been around for about a year. I’m thinking it was soft launched and only recently made available in my region. The title screen indicates it’s still early access so that would make sense.

An initial release/soft launch date of May 2020 would actually make it older than Merge Mansion, which I believe was released in Sept. 2020. However I’m not sure about the exact timeline as they could have been in development/soft launched around the same time and the games are actually quite different overall so the basic similarities could be a coincidence.

This game truly amazed me because although it has the basic elements of what I would consider a Merge Mansion-like game, that being the two-item merge mechanic on a two-dimensional grid-like board viewed from the top, with item generators and item collection objectives, it’s otherwise very different from the other two-item merge games I’ve played. There are at least three separate boards, possibly more considering the tool shed and flower lab unlock a bit later in the game, and instead of completing objectives by getting items right off the board, you use items from the greenhouse and tool shed boards to start growing plants and then harvest the resources. The flower lab adds an additional step, as you can take the plants you’ve harvested to that board and merge them further to create bouquets and oils etc.

This game is probably the most complex and challenging out of all the two-item merge games I’ve played, which I think makes it more fun but less relaxing. Basically if I want something to play mindlessly while chilling out and watching YouTube videos I would play Merge Mansion or Merge Friends, but when I want to play something more advanced and for a longer period of time I play Plantopia.

🌼 Art: 3/3 (although I mostly prefer all 2D art, this game does the 3D/2D mixture better than some other games and I just love the colors and style of the different plants, boards and products. It all feels very “cottagecore” as the kids these days would say lol. The 2D character designs are also OK and pretty cute)

🌼 Story: 2/3 (it’s definitely a step above the “moving into this old mansion with my grandparents” story, I did get to know the characters a little better and some of the objectives are plot-related, such as growing aloe to help another character with his sunburn, or growing a special flower that reminds another character of her late husband etc. But I wasn’t really feeling like I wanted to learn more, and the storyline didn’t have a huge influence on my overall experience)

🌼 Gameplay: 5/5 (definitely the strongest game in terms of gameplay in my opinion, like I said it is more challenging and there’s more to think about but it makes for a really fun and varied experience!)

🌼 Variety: 2/3 (although there are three whole boards and you unlock different plants as you go along, there isn’t as much variety in the merging part since you basically just merge seeds into sprouts, sprouts into younger plants etc. until you have the full plant to place in a plot. You know exactly what you’re merging up to and there’s no thrill of discovering a new item by merging up. The items also come from boxes or from preset, unmovable generators so there’s no fun in discovering new generators either. But it is cool that each plant has its own planting requirements like more water, more fertilizer, more light etc.)

🌼 Playtime vs. Wait Time: 4/4 (another huge advantage of this game, there’s no energy system so you can play for very long, the only time constraint is waiting for plants to grow)

🌼 Overall Enjoyment: 4/5 (I’m definitely very impressed with this game but the things I mentioned in the Variety section are probably the biggest thing that prevents me from giving it a 5/5 overall. It is exciting when you unlock something new by progressing through the game but I especially enjoy moving up item ranks and discovering new generators, so in that area this game didn’t really do it for me. But otherwise it’s really a great game and a very unique entry within this genre!)

🌼 Total: 20/23

Merge Adventure - Dragons!

Developer: Ludigames

Release Date: March 25, 2021

First of all, even though the full name of this game includes the word dragons, I haven’t seen a single dragon unless one was mentioned in the written adventure logs, which I don’t usually read.

With that out of the way, this is another very unique game in terms of merge games as it is also an RPG. Some of the items you merge on the board are used to equip your hero, while others are used to unlock new adventures that yield different loot upon completion. You don’t actually get to engage in battles since the adventures themselves run on an idle system where you just get an adventure log to read to how your hero is doing and then collect the loot after a certain period of time. It is definitely something new for two-item merge games and deserves credit for the unique concept, but execution-wise it unfortunately fell short in a lot of ways.

🗡 Art: 1/3 (the art here isn’t necessarily awful but it is on the uglier side compared to a lot of the other games in this genre, specifically the board pieces. Maybe I’m biased because I prefer fun and colorful items, and these items involve a lot of wood and metal and such, but the board often seems so monochrome I can’t even tell certain items apart or remember which item track they belong to. Some of the level 1 items are just differently-shaped scraps of metal. The hero design isn’t bad but I only have one character to base that opinion on. We’ll get to that later)

🗡 Story: 2/3 (I honestly can’t remember if there’s an overarching plot but I will give it a point for the adventure logs, even though I usually don’t read them, it is cool that you can read what your character’s doing and how they obtained the loot they ultimately bring back)

🗡 Gameplay: 2/5 (I want to give it more points for being unique but despite the interesting concept I did have trouble with the gameplay. First of all, it has one of the smallest boards out of all the games I’ve played and a lot of different generators, which guarantees your board will become clogged very quickly. The numbers in the corners of each tile are supposed to help you keep track of what level items you have I presume, but they only make an already cluttered board look more cluttered, and the fact that I already couldn’t tell some of the item designs apart means having all the items crowded and jumbled makes for a very confusing and frustrating experience. Getting new items through loot from adventures seemed cool but then led to more frustration with more items to squeeze onto my fully packed board. Also I have no clue how to get more heroes, I’ve only had one this whole time playing so far, so there’s not much more to the RPG experience other than equipping more powerful items)

🗡 Variety: 2/3 (technically there’s a wide variety of items but as mentioned previously the very monochrome nature of the items makes the experience feel less varied and you can barely enjoy discovering new items when you’re just trying to find space on the board 90% of the time. Also, most of the item tracks just go: item, bigger item, bigger fancier item, biggest fanciest item, or, piece of item, more pieces of item, mostly put-together item, fully assembled item)

🗡 Playtime vs. Wait Time: 1/4 (your time is limited by the energy system, generators needing to refill AND waiting for your hero to return from an adventure)

🗡 Overall Enjoyment: 2/5 (sadly I didn’t really enjoy this game, although I guess my favorite part would be merging up weapons and other equippable items to make my hero more powerful, which isn’t something I could really do in any of these other games)

🗡 Total: 10/23

City Boom

Developer: Playwind Ltd.

Release Date: April 9, 2021

This game is very interesting as it’s the only merge game I’ve personally played that has you compete against other players. This game actually works pretty much exactly like a game I played loooooong ago called Coin Masters, where you gain coins by attacking or raiding other people’s bases while spending coins to build up your own base. The main difference here of course is that the other way to get coins is to merge items and complete requests, while in Coin Masters it was like a slot machine thing. I checked and they are not made by the same developer.

Anywho, the multiplayer aspect of this game was exciting since I definitely have a competitive streak, and I’ve been playing every day to try and climb up the leaderboard (I’m in the top 1,000 so far lol!) However this game is still new and pretty wonky, and it aggressively tries to get you to buy things, much more than any of the other two-item merge games. Also, this game is one of those games that’s very reliant on a constant internet connection so if you don’t have great internet (which I don’t) you will have a lot of issues with the game freezing, just a heads up.

💰 Art: 3/3 (I got to admit I’m a sucker for the cute, colorful and cartoony, and I just can’t get enough of the silly little cats in this game 😂 I appreciate that the 3D art style in this game is very consistent in all parts of the game, and this game also has 3D animated sections: for example, when you go to attack another player a cat rolls up in a little tank and rockets fly around)

💰 Story: 2/3 (there isn’t really a linear story but I give it a point for the different themed areas you progress through as you grow your town, plus the personality put into the cat characters)

💰 Gameplay: 3/5 (I do enjoy this game, especially the fact that I get to compete against other players, but there are a few issues. This game has a lot of limited time events, there’s seriously like 2 or 3 running at a time and seem to change every day, which does add some fun and variety, but creates a unique problem of having event-specific items on the board that I don’t know what to do with when the event ends. I don’t know if that event will come back again or if those items are just completely useless and should be sold now. Currently they’re just keeping my board very clogged. Also, this game really aggressively pushes overpriced microtransactions, which can get very annoying, but I will say that I was still able to play and enjoy the game a fair amount without paying anything. Lastly, the items make a really off putting clunk sound when they merge. May not seem important but it makes the merges less satisfying for me personally)

💰 Variety: 2/3 (There is a variety of event items but as far as the main items there’s very little variety, basically just four categories of items, so I put this in the middle)

💰 Playtime vs. Wait Time: 2/4 (what I like is that there are a lot of chances to get extra energy but what I don’t like is that rather than having energy refresh one at a time every few minutes, you have to wait like half an hour for all the energy to refill at once)

💰 Overall Enjoyment: 4/5 (honestly despite all my criticisms of it I kept coming back to this game, I really enjoy the competitive aspect and none of the problems with it are to the point where it seriously impedes my ability to play. That’s why I kind of have a separate category for overall enjoyment to begin with, because even if a game scores well or poorly in specific categories that won’t necessarily reflect my overall experience)

💰 Total: 16/23

Rankings

Plantopia (scored the same as Travel Town but after playing Travel Town for a while I’ve gotten more bored with it. Plantopia is the new reigning champion! 🎉)

Travel Town

Merge Design

Mergedom: Home Design

Merge Friends

Miss Merge

Merge Mansion

City Boom (scored the same as Merge Mansion but I preferred it less)

Merge Life (note: the linked review is outdated as the game has undergone a lot of updates since I wrote it, I will update it at some point but take the current version with a grain of salt)

Merge Matters

Merge Villa

Merge Adventure (scores the same as Merge Villa but I think I was a little harsh on Merge Villa to begin with, this game is much less playable)

Thank you so much for reading!!! I hope these reviews helped you if you enjoy merge games as much as I do! 💖 You can find more of my full game reviews here and follow me for more stuff about mobile games. Have a great day 🥳

[bluedemon1995]

Stay True To Yourself!

I read a story about a girl whose boyfriend took her to a swingers party…but neglected to tell her! And of course, that story led me down a very strange rabbit hole until this popped in my head. Ummm, this one has a little bit of a more adult theme - so please read with caution! This is an alternate reality story- obv not canon.

Katie Holt sat in the car feeling a niggling sense of unease that she cannot dismiss as hard as she tries to shove it down. She tries to narrow down the cause, thinking and analyzing as is her nature. Is it because she hasn’t been dating Mark very long and he picked her up roughly an hour ago. In fact, if she was honest, this was probably the longest amount of time she’d actually spent in his actual company. Previously, it was mostly online chats then a couple of in person short lunch coffee dates. But they were maybe twenty minutes. Is it because they are going to a party and she typically does not enjoy parties? Or maybe it’s because he’s the only person she’d know from this party, and she hates being dependent on anyone. She’d much rather rely on herself.

Regardless of the cause, she tries to shake off the feelings and enjoy the moment. Live a little in the real world like Allura said as she was helping her getting ready. Actually, if she was honest, this was the second novel experience of the day since having a friend come over and help her get ready for a date was a first as well. Yesterday, when she absently mentioned that she could not go to the movies tonight because she was going to a Christmas party with Mark, Allura got so excited. She immediately made plans to go shopping and offered to come and help me get ready. She was honestly more excited than I was but it was nice to have someone care.

Which was nice because her mom and dad had a work Christmas party to go to and her brother was on a date himself. It was nice for Allura to come over and help her out. In spite of the make up, dress and dating tips, she had a good time. Allura was only a couple of actual years older than but in experience she was decades ahead of her!

This year, partly due to their project at work, she’s gotten closer to some of co-workers or team. It’s been a nice change since high school and college where she was mostly alone except for her family and their friends. She loved feeling like people got her sarcasm, her references well, just HER. It was nice to have people who made her stop working to eat lunch or heck, even remembered to check to see if she left work for the day. Slowly but surely her team had become her friends.

Which all leads her back to a few moments ago, when Mark parked and got out of the car, stopping at the hood to wait for her. He looks impatient but whatever, she needs to take a minute alone to get her self under control. Her nerves hit a high point but deciding this was as good as it gets, Pidge stands and walks to the him, impulsively reaching out and holding his hand. It was dark and snowy, she definitely did not want to fall on ice as they walked up! How embarrassing!

He seemed surprised by her hand but quickly pulled her close, “Hey so, this is a special party and I’d really appreciate it if you kept an open mind, think of it as an of it as an experiment.”

Pidge felt like a five alarm bell was suddenly going off at the conclusion of that sentence. FUCK! What was he talking about?!? Why would he say something like that now? It was akin to setting a bomb and saying, do not look at the timer.

While Pidge is having an internal panic attack they walk in-no knocking just walk straight in the door. She doesn’t see anything right off the bat that concerns her. There’s a table where keys were thrown, shoes piled in the front hall and music playing. It was a really nice house, set in one of the fancier subdivisions of the area. Pidge was trying to keep calm but she was annoyed that he’d state something like that as they were walking in the door! What about beforehand so she could of decided?!? And he really didn’t tell her anything, which is worse than knowing.

He takes his shoes off, she does the same. Hesitating, he turns and pulls her towards the kitchen. “Drink? What’s your poison?”

Pidge sighs, beer seems safe and not like she’s going to be drinking much of anything after that bomb he dropped walking in. “Beer is fine, I’d like light if they got it.”

He nods and goes towards the coolers lined up along the wall. Pidge does what she does best, fades into the background and observes the room carefully. The lights seem dim and she could see out the patio doors that more people are out there by the pool. She squints, maybe it’s the just the glare…but are those people naked?!?

Mark comes back at that time with a draft beer which means I won’t be taking a drink of it. Why wouldn’t he give me a bottle or can that I could open myself? I’m quiet and watch Mark take in the party. I wonder who he knows? Suddenly, I look at a pretty girl in a Mrs. Claus outfit who comes up to Mark. She smiles brightly, and proceeds to lock lips with Mark, wow. She’s actually impressive with her ability to wrap around him like a snake yet keep her hand with her drink still, not spilling a drop. I’m actually impressed! My eyes dart around the room, trying to gauge what the hell is going on here. Why would he bring me here if he already has girl???

Finally she breaks off and slides over to me, “Hi, Danni with an I, wanna make out?”

I blink, rapidly, “Um, no, I’m good, but, uh, thank you for the offer though.”

She smiles, “Okay! If you change your mind I’ll be around!”

She flounced away and I looked to Mark, quietly questioning, “Exactly what kind of Christmas party is this? Why am I even here?!?”

He chucked, “It’s a swingers party and you can’t come alone. You NEED to bring a date, you know for the numbers. C’mon, this will be fun.”

I look at him feeling myself turn red. “Wait a minute, I bought a fucking new outfit for this?!? I put goddamn makeup on! You fucking asshole! Look, I could give two shits about what you do, honestly, we aren’t involved like that but why involve me? Could you not find someone else to bring? For fuck’s sake!”

Mark stared at me, having the NERVE to arch a brow, “Cursing really? You know swearing is for people not intelligent enough to come up with a better word. Besides, don’t be a prude, look walk around and find someone you find interesting or hot. There are a lot of people here, like it’s not that hard.”

I close my eyes and as bad as I want to hit him, curse him out, I refrain. Oh, he will pay, just later when there aren’t about a hundred witnesses who can fill out a police report. I take a breath and walk away, back to the front door. I look at the keys, but they all look the same, how would I know which is which. I guess I could take them all but what if someone wants to leave. I step out to the front steps.

Honestly, this could not have happened on a worse night. I can’t call Matt, he’s finally on a date with his current dream girl and my parents at that work party. I close my eyes, take a breath to reign in my anxiety that is sky rocketing and first I try Allura. But, duh, she’s at the movies with Romelle and probably turned her phone off. Shit. My eyes fill with tears but I refuse to let them fall. I take a deep breath, trying Hunk instead another coworker. Straight to voicemail. Shit he might be sleeping.

I look at my contacts and realize, I don’t have a long list of people to call. I sit and sigh, okay no matter how embarrassing I could always get an Uber. I schedule one but because I’m so far it will take about an hour. I walk around to the back and sit on a chair in the dark corner of the backyard. Sitting, I let my finger hover over the last name to try. Here goes nothing. Hanging up I text a short message. What the hell do I have to lose at this point.

I sit. And sit. I don’t know how many girls and guys I rebuff but something about a person not wanting to hook up makes people want to hook up with you apparently. Jeesh, in my real life, no one wanted to date me now everyone was trying to have sex with me. WTF?

Sighing I look at my phone, and crap, it looks like all my surfing has killed my battery. Suddenly a very naked Mark and a different Mrs. Claus come up to me.

Mrs. Claus giggles out, “Hey if you’re nervous, you could totally hook up with my husband. He’s the hot elf over there, standing on the edge of the pool and hot tub. It will be fun! Then if we like, we could continue next week!!” She giggles a lot and I try not to be rude.

“Thank you for that kind offer, but I’m good.”

She shrugs, “Sure thing baby, but aren’t you bored. Marky said you were shy and um, a novice. Don’t be afraid.”

Mark turns and Pidge can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Only for some guy in his boxers to edge into her space. “Darlin’, you-me-, it’s written in the stars baby.”

I groan, “Nope. You misread them, thank tho.”

Usually once I say no, they just move on. But nope, not this one. “Don’t be a prude. Sex is very natural. It’s elemental. It’s like essential. You need me baby!!”

Really, that’s his line? I shake my head no, but now we’ve got a crowd. I hear people interject how I’m falling into societies lanes and I must be a virgin because I’m sitting by myself. Then I hear people say I should be grateful and oh my gosh, yep, I’ve been transported back to high school. Except I’m not a self conscious kid anymore and I don’t give a fuck what they think about me. But, I’ll be damned if I don’t respond. No one pushes me or pressures me to do something I don’t want to. And I’ve never just gone with the crowd cuz it was easier, not then, not now.

I hear a roar and suddenly all attention is lost on me. I decided to leave before my temper actually erupts. I quickly move towards the gate to get the hell out of here. I’d rather walk home then stay here. Fuck Mark and his party. I might actually brainstorm with Allura and Romelle on a way to get back at him. Something embarrassing.

As I walk away I hear Mark yelling my name, “Katie! Katie! Don’t walk away! You need to expand your senses and life. Don’t be scared. There is so much I could teach you. Don’t be such a prude!”

Laughter.

Well fuck him. Now I’m pissed. I’m not scared. I just don’t want to do this. Yet, who does he think he is telling me what I should do. As if. And what if he did this to other girls, who weren’t able to say no? I turn around and calmly but loudly state, while looking straight at him, “Look, don’t act like I’m the scared one. Who didn’t tell me where they were taking me. If this was a scene I was into, fine. And believe me, I will sleep with whoever I want. I just don’t want to sleep with you nor do I have anything to prove to anyone. But if and when I see a guy or girl for that matter, that I’d like to fuck, then I would. So, shut up, cause Marky you’re just not it.”

I could hear murmurs and then Mark yelling, and his feet slapping on the ground. Ughhhhh. One thing I could be thankful for is seeing him naked, cuz ick. He has no muscle definition and oh my God, I cannot wait to tell Allura how he looks like he waxes cuz he has no hair anywhere on his body.

I turn to walk away and see a guy who I have HAD the luxury of day dreaming about striding towards me with an shit eating smirk. Well, shit, of course. My eyes closes but it doesn’t stop my from seeing him behind my eyes. His hair is slightly matted from his helmet which means the roar must have been his Harley. He has one of his many black t-shirts on with his favorite leather jacket over it. His jeans are well worn and faded not those designer ones that only look used. He has on his riding boots, which of course give him another inch or so of height. Which he loves. Opening my eyes I see him about 6 feet away and I see he still has his riding gloves on.

I determinedly walk towards him only to hear Mark scream, his feet slapping, or at least I hope it’s his feet. He yells, “Yeah right, you prude-like you would ever-“

I reach said hot guy and say, “I’m kissing you in two seconds. One, two.”

I fist my hand in his shirt and pull him closer to me. Except he doesn’t move, so I look up into his eyes and arch a brow, he arches his, which causes me to roll my eyes and I open my mouth to tell him to go to hell when grins. With his hands on my hips pulls me into his hard body, throwing me off balance. I slip my arms around him lift my head and his lips slam onto mine. Ok, point proven. Yet, as I lean back to break the kiss, I feel two arms encompass me, hold me close and reposition me.

His mouth re-angles on mine, I feel myself lifted on my tip toes. Omg, the heat of his body is amazing. I didn’t even realize I was cold sitting out here but against his body I felt like was next to a heater. His tongue pushes past my lips and, well, I stopped thinking for a full minute, hell maybe minutes. It was that good of a kiss. Shit. His tongue stroked mine, made me shiver and then he nipped my lip causing a groan. I literally could feel him smile and I was going to move back when his hand fisted in my hair and he started to kiss my neck and holy crap! I think my knees buckled but it didn’t matter because he picked me up and my legs were suddenly wrapped around his waist. His hands were supporting my weight but I think they were actually under my dress. My hands were in his hair and digging into his shoulder respectively. Well. Hell.

I don’t know how long that went on for when suddenly I hear Mark right next to us yelling, “That’s enough.”

Slowly pulling back, his gravelly voice questions, “Outta here or are we continuing the show? Just to be clear, I’m good with either decision.” He then arches that fucking brow.

Face flaming, I whisper, “Let’s go. Please.”

Eyes on me, he nods. “What’s asshole’s name?”

“Mark.”

Nodding he raises his voice, “Hey Mark, fuck off and if I ever see you again, you’re dead.”

A girl in just a string bikini bottom steps in front of us, drawing our attention. Her hand is gliding down her chest when she looks right at him, throatily murmuring, “Wanna upgrade?”

He laughs, “Um already did. Let’s go Pidge.”

He moves his hands and I lower my legs. He instantly laces his fingers with mine and pulls me to the path back to the front. “Keith! You can’t say that! You know about Mark being dead meat.”

“Just did.”

“Why, what, are you even doing here?”

As he places his helmet on my head and carefully tightens the straps, “I saw Shiro’s phone buzz, so I looked. It seemed like something that couldn’t wait. So here I am.”

Blinking I nod, “Okay. I said I had an Uber coming.”

“Saw, don’t care. I, um, didn’t like the idea of you being here when you didn’t want to be. So yeah, deal.”

“But why didn’t you respond?”

“I pinged your location to my phone and left. Didn’t think about it honestly.”

“What if I was gone?”

He shrugged as we approached his bike, which was on the lawn! “As long as you were safe.”

He then takes off his coat, slipping it around my shoulders, “Arms in, it’s cold when we start moving.” Eyes on her legs, fingers play with her skirt, brushing her thighs. “I can’t do anything about your legs though. Let me know if you need a break. We can stop as often as you need.”

I nod, and as we drive into the night, my arms tight around his waist, I can’t help but smile. Keith Fucking Kogane. Damn this boy can kiss. Maybe there is hope for my love life after all. I feel his hand cover my hand on his abdomen, squeeze and drift down to my leg. I squeeze him a little tighter and I know it’s just my imagination but I swear I can hear his laughter.

My hero.

[purplesurveys]

1262

o1. With which one of your friends do you spend the most time? With which friend do you spend the least amount of time? Would you like to change this in any way? I don’t really get to...spend time with my friends, in that sense. For very obvious reasons. But I talk to Angela and Reena the most. Andi and I talk a lot too, but not everyday. 

Among my friends, I probably talk to my college group the least these days, but that’s mostly because 2/3 of them are pursuing law school, and the 1/3 have jobs and are as busy as I am. We’re still as tight as ever and our group chat becomes active at least once a week.

o2. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Illinois, Louisiana, New York, Utah. Countries: Malta, Switzerland, Thailand, South Korea.

o3. If you have one, how often do you watch your favorite television show? How long has this show been your favorite? I’m not a big TV person, tbh. The closest thing to my favorite would be Friends, which I rewatch at least one episode of once a month though I used to watch it FAR more often than that, hahaha. I think I first hooked to it...I wanna say 2018?Or 2019. Sometime in between those years. o4. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? No. He’s allowed to have girl friends. The only reason it bothered me when it was Gabie was because we were both aware that her guy friends were genuinely into her. I never channeled my annoyance towards her though; I was definitely more pissed off at those guys for not learning how to back off when needed.

o5. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? We don’t have snow, but our equivalent would be days off school because of a typhoon. Anyway, I just spent them lounging around and mostly watching stuff on YouTube. In college I was a bit more diligent and would use the extra time to catch up on readings.

o6. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? Not that I am aware of. I probably wouldn’t befriend someone who did if we weren’t already close, because there’s no telling what kind of influence they would be on me.

o7. When was the last time that you were afraid for your life? Did this incident change you in any way? When I was really sick back in May. Not really, I just wanted to recover as quickly as possible.

o8. Do you enjoy taking pictures? Is it just for fun, or do you make an attempt at actual photography? I didn’t then, but it’s something I’m trying to do more often now. I’ve realized I have very few souvenirs from the last few years because I barely took photos then, so it sucks not being able to revisit memories and ending up forgetting others completely. I definitely don’t plan to take it so far as taking photography lessons; taking pictures from my own perspective and in my own style suffices.

o9. Have you ever had low self-esteem? How is your self-esteem now? Yeah, sure. I had a recent phase of it because of the breakup, but I’ve recovered from it. My self-esteem is a lot healthier and more stable these days.

o1o. When you see someone sickly-thin, what is your first thought? Nothing for the most part, but I would obviously be concerned if that person was starting to show worrying signs of malnutrition. Idrk what you mean by sickly-thin.

o11. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? Not really, only because I’ve rarely had to go there.

o12. What did you dress up as the last time you went Trick-or-Treating? Who went with you? I went as Sofie, my old best friend from high school.

o13. What is one thing you miss most from your childhood? What do you miss the least? The part about having less responsibilities and more time to just have fun and do whatever I want. But I didn’t really have a picture-perfect childhood either, so my list of things I don’t miss for sure trumps the list of stuff I do miss.

o14. What would be the biggest challenge involved in raising a child at your age? How to send them to a good school because I don’t make nearly enough to afford tuition for another person.

o15. If you happened to get pregnant before you were ready for children, how would you cope? Do you think your parents would support you and help you out? I don’t know, honestly; and the thought kind of scares me. I know my parents wouldn’t provide support whatsoever, so I’d have to claw my way to find it from other people who would be willing. I’d probably need to take an extra job to earn enough money to support us both.

o16. Have you ever had unprotected sex? What would you tell a young teen thinking about having unprotected sex? Yeah, but I was also with a girl, so...idk. I don’t have a lot of sexual experience either so I dunno what sort of advice to tell a teen other than ‘don’t do it,’ lmao.

o17. What are some gender double-standards anger you? All of them. < Yes.

o18. Other than the usual qualities (honesty, respect, etc), what are some attributes you want your BF/GF to possess? Patience in the sense that I tend to be sensitive, so if they crack a joke that I ended up getting hurt or offended by, or if I get triggered by something minor that would otherwise be normal for anyone else, I hope they are patient enough to ride the wave out with me. I didn’t experience that with my past partner, and was often told to just stop being sensitive.

o19. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? No, because doing so is detrimental to my well-being.

o2o. Five years ago, what was the most important thing in your life? How about the most important person? My relationship, barf. Gabie, another barf.

21. How would you describe your sexuality? Have you ever wondered whether or not you might be homo/bisexual? I’ve stopped caring about it. I say asexual to people just so I have an answer to say.

o22. Do you think that homosexual couples should be able to raise or adopt children? Why or why not? Yeah...because I don’t see why they can’t be granted that right?

o23. Think of your worst fear. What would you do if you were confronted with it right now? Hyperventilate.

o24. If you were to become a vegetarian, what meat-product would you miss the most? Have you ever been or wanted to be a vegetarian? Chicken wings or sandwiches. I’ve thought about it before, yes. It’s too expensive a lifestyle where I live, though.

o25. Do you think that someone’s sexuality is something that they can control? No.

o26. What do you like most about your favorite animal? They’re very friendly and always down to play. :)

o27. What is your favorite way to eat your favorite food? How often do you eat your favorite food item? Eating burgers by hand is always the best. I have one maybe once a month.

o28. What is something you are craving? Will this craving be satisfied? KFC’S DOUBLE DOWN. I’ll get one next week, when I get my next pay lol. The rest of my budget this week is already allotted for my mom’s birthday/JK’s belated birthday dinner tomorrow.

o29. What is the largest number of texts you have sent in a day? Do you often text this much? Ooooh, I dunno. Maybe around 200-300 in a day? My ex and I primarily communicated through text whenever we weren’t physically together, which was often as we were both students in different schools.

o3o. Do you like the holiday season? Why or why not? What could be better about it? Some parts of it I like, some parts of it I don’t. The latter mostly stems from insecurities I will feel from seeing other families on social media, who always seem to be having a better and fancier time than I am. It’s why I usually deactivate during Christmas so I don’t get to see posts that can affect my disposition.

[pitubea1910]

Something Just Like This

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 4k

Warnings: -

Tags: -

Request: -

Notes: I had this little thing on my mind that I wanted to share with you guys, I hope you like it! It is based on the Coldplay song Something just like this, which I can’t get out of my head lately :)  Feedback is appreciated!

MASTERLIST

Growing up in Manhattan wasn’t as exciting as Gossip Girl pictured it to be. There were no parties every day, no gossip, no drama. At least not for you. Your parents had been quite strict since you were little, which meant that they hadn’t given you the freedom most of your friends had. It wasn’t like you wanted to do drugs or have sex at the age of 16, but you couldn’t help but feeling a bit left out every Monday morning at high school when all your friends talked about was last Saturday party.

That was probably the main reason why you moved out as soon as you could. And that was when you turned 18 and your parents allowed you to go to college in England. That first taste of freedom was much better than what you had expected. You could do anything you wanted, whenever you wanted and with whoever you wanted. Needless to say that you took full advantage of it.

You loved that life without your parents so much that, when you finally went back to New York, at the age 25, you told your parents you didn’t want to live with them anymore. Of course, they were enraged, but once you found a job that allowed you to pay for your own rent, they couldn’t find any other way to keep you at home. Eventually, they even contributed with your rent so you could afford a place that was ‘right for a classy woman like you are’, like your mum said.

At first, you even fought against it but who were you going to lie? You weren’t a fan of your neighbourhood in Queens. Neither you wanted to go back to Manhattan, but you found a lovely apartment in Brooklyn, with views to the Bridge, big windows and an open plan living room and kitchen. The moment you saw it, you fell in love with it and you didn’t want to visit any other apartment. By the end of the week, you were moving all your stuff into your new place.

Only if you knew how much your life was going to change thanks to that apartment.

You had been living in your Brooklyn apartment for two years when you met him. He happened to live in the building next to yours and your windows were in front of each other. The first time you saw him, putting boxes down in the room as he talked to a read-headed woman, you immediately recognised him: Steve Rogers, aka Captain America.

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that you ran into him when you were coming home from the grocery store on a Sunday morning and he was coming back from a run. You weren’t even paying attention to the crosswalk, too busy trying to get your keys out of your pocket without dropping the bag of groceries.

“Do you need a hand with that?”

You looked up to find a pair of blue eyes looking at you with humour in them. You had got so used to see him from your window or on TV that it felt weird to have him standing in front of you. And it all was better because he was wearing one of those grey t-shirts you had seen him wearing so many times. The ones that looked too small for him, but he still could pull off effortlessly.

“Actually I do”, you finally said with a smile.

Without another word, he took the brown bag from your hand so you finally could take the keys from your pocket. 

“Finally”, you said showing him the keys. “They were hooked on a loose thread”, you explained.

“I figured that much”, he nodded. “You live here, don’t you?” He asked pointing at the door of your building. You gave him a surprise look. “I’ve seen your through the window.”

“Okay…”, you chuckled, kind of glad that you weren’t the only one creepily looking through the window trying to catch a glimpse of him.

“And that was creepier than I expected”, he said with an awkward smile.

“Don’t worry”, you laughed. “I’ve seen you too”, you shrugged.

“I guess we’re a pair of creeps then”, he said making you laugh again. “Does the creep have a name?”

Smooth, you thought to yourself with a small smile.

“(Y/N) Holston”, you said and took some hair out of your face.

“Steve Rogers”, he said, although you already knew. “Do you need some help with this?” He asked lifting the bag he was still carrying.

“Oh, no”, you quickly said. “Don’t bother, I can take it.”

“It’s no bother”, he shrugged. “I can take it up for you.”

“I’m sure you have some avenging thing to do”, you said. He laughed out loud and nodded.

“Don’t worry”, he said. “No avenging today. The world looks pretty safe.”

You bite your lip, wondering whether to accept his help or not. He looked really nice and not creepy at all. And you had seen him so many times in his own bedroom that he felt almost familiar, so why not?

“Okay”, you finally said. “I can take the bag, though.”

“Then I wouldn’t have any excuse to keep on talking to you”, he said, walking with you to the door of your building.

“I didn’t know you were looking for an excuse”, you said, taking the right key and opening the door.

“I’ve been looking for one since I first saw you in your room, so don’t take it away from me”, he said with more confident than he actually felt.

The statement made your cheeks blush. You didn’t know what to say to that, so you just let him walk in first and followed behind. Although you were glad that you weren’t the only one wanting to talk to your neighbour and not knowing how. At least he had found a good excuse to do it and you were glad he had.

“Wow…” he said when he walked into the apartment after you made your way upstairs silently. “Fancier than it looks on the outside.”

“It was renovated a few years ago”, you told him and took the bag from his arms after closing the door. “Actually I was one of the first tenants here.”

“How long have you been here?” He asked, walking towards the big windows from where you could see the Brooklyn Bridge.

“Two years now”, you told him, taking the items out of the bag. “I was living in Queens for a time but I didn’t feel… like home, I guess.”

“I know a kid from Queens who’s actually pretty nice”, he said, now walking to the aisle that separated the living room from the kitchen.

“Yeah, people are nice”, you nodded. “But not my neighbours”, you chuckled. “Also, I’m closer to my job here.”

“What’s your job?” He asked.

“I’m a content writer and social media manager for a small magazine”, you said, now putting what you had bought in their right places.

“Sounds…busy”, he chuckled.

“It’s not that big of a deal”, you said with a smile. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Do you have beer?” He asked.

“I’m not a beer kind of girl”, you chuckled. “But I have white wine?”

“That will do”, he nodded.

You took a couple of glasses and put them on the aisle in front of Steve. Then, you took the bottle of wine from the fridge and took the cork off before pouring some into both glass.

“Fancy”, he said when you put the bottle back into the fridge.

“It’s a really cheap wine”, you laughed, leaning against the counter. “But I love it.”

“Tastes good”, he nodded. “Although I barely drink wine, except on elegant dinners and that kind of stuff.”

“Do you go to a lot of those?” You asked teasingly. He laughed.

“Sometimes we have to”, he admitted. “And some other times Tony forces me to go”, he shrugged, making you smile.

“You look good in a suit, though”, you shrugged. He raised both eyebrows while looking at you, making you blush.

Actually, the main reason you knew how he looked like in a suit was because your mum was always sending you articles about all the galas she went to and, of course, Steve Rogers had gone to many of them. You would be lying if you admitted that you didn’t look at his photos closely, but who could blame you? He did look good in a suit.

“I don’t live under a rock”, you shrugged. “I read the newspaper from time to time.”

“I see”, he nodded with a small smile. You took the glass to your lips so you didn’t have to say anything else. “Anyway, I was thinking”, he suddenly said after finishing his glass. “You seem to know how to behave in fancy environments, don’t you?”

“What makes you think that?” You asked with a laugh.

“First, this apartment”, he said making a gesture that covered the place. “I bet you work really hard but I think that a content writer slash social media manager salary can’t afford this, which means that you’re family is… in good places, am I right?”

“You’re not wrong”, you said, surprised at how observant he was.

You didn’t feel entirely comfortable saying that your dad had insisted on buying the apartment a year after you moved in. It made you feel like one of those Manhattan spoiled rich kids, which you weren’t. Not at all. All you actually had to pay were the bills and your salary was more than enough for it.

“Also, who drinks wine at noon instead of beer?”

“A lot of people!” You exclaimed making him laugh.

“Honestly, I just saw you getting out of a black Audi with a driver last week”, he finally said.

Last week had been your mum’s birthday, so you had spent a whole day with them. At the end of it, you were ready to wait for an Uber, but your mum had your family driver -Albert- drive you home.

“Okay, fine”, you finally said, knowing there was no point on denying anything. “I was born in Manhattan. Rich family and all. I left to study in England and when I came back I didn’t want to keep on living with my parents, so I found a place in Queens.”

“But you didn’t like it”, he said, remembering what you had previously said.

“Exactly”, you nodded. “I found this apartment, which rent was way cheaper than what you probably think”, you said making him chuckle. “And I moved here. Anyway, my father has never liked me paying for anything so he bought the whole apartment a year after I moved”, you shrugged.

“Wow”, he said surprised.

“I know”, you sighed. “I’m not proud of it but at least I pay the bills and groceries and everything I can afford. So, to answer your question, I basically grew up in fancy environments. My mum used to drag me along to every single gala or whatever thing she had going on.”

“I think it’s great, to be honest”, he shrugged. “It doesn’t look like your father gave you too many options when he bought this place, so I think it’s admirable that you still work to pay the bills.”

“I hate owing him anything, so it’s the least I can do to have as much freedom as possible”, you explained. “Anyway, why did you ask?”

“You’ll probably say no and I completely understand”, he said. “But… Tony is holding another charity event at the MoMa this weekend and I have to be there, but I don’t want to go alone, you know?”

“The Stark Foundation MoMa Gala?” You asked, your boss had been going crazy trying to find someone to get into the gala to write an article about it.

“That’s the one”, he nodded. “Would you come with me?”

“Actually… my boss would love me if I could get in it”, you said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to think that I’m taking advantage or something”, you quickly said.

“Don’t worry”, he smiled. “It didn’t even cross my mind. So… would you?”

“Of course”, you nodded with a smile. “I’d love to be your date.”

“Is it a date?” He said, his smile bigger.

“I guess it is”, you shrugged, blushing once again.

That weekend you went together to the MoMa gala and it wasn’t the last time you had a date. You ended up getting together most nights of the week, either at his apartment or at yours, although mostly it was at yours. You would watch movies, cook together, play board games, any time off you both had was spent together.

So it was just a matter of time before something else happened and it did just a month later. You had been at Steve’s apartment since you came back from work and it was when you were saying goodbye at his door, that he finally took his chance and kissed you. It was a short and tender kiss, but it was enough to open the door for many more.

In two months you were officially dating and in three months he finally took you the Stark Tower to meet everyone. You couldn’t remember being more nervous than you were that day. Walking out of the elevator to find Natasha Romanoff, Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson just playing poker was something you never thought you would see, but they welcomed you into the family with open arms and soon you were playing poker with them.

Six months after meeting him, you thought you couldn’t be happier and neither did Steve. He was hanging in his apartment, picking up the clothes he would use for his date with you that night. You had called him that morning to tell him that you had managed to get tickets to go to the movies that night so it was only a matter of time before you arrived from your work to head to the cinema.

“You look like a little girl before her first date”, Bucky, who was with Steve in his apartment, said as he watched his best friend trying to decide which shirt would be better for that night.

“Leave me alone”, Steve said with a smile. He finally decided he would use the navy one, knowing how much you loved that colour on him.

“You really like her, right?” He asked. Steve smiled and nodded.

“I do”, Steve said. “I’ve never felt this happy, Buck. She… she completes me”, he tried to explain.

“I’m happy for you”, Bucky nodded. “But be careful.”

“Why?” Steve asked confused.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt, that’s all”, Bucky shrugged.

“(Y/N) would never hurt me.”

Bucky sighed and looked down at his shoes. That was Steve’s problem. Ever since the 40s he always thought that everyone was just good. It didn’t matter everything they had gone through, what he had gone through, he still through there was good in everyone.

“You’re the Captain America, Steve”, Bucky said.

“So?”

“What if she just likes the strips?”

“She’s not like that”, Steve shook his head, although he had to admit that it had never crossed his mind.

“How do you know that?” Bucky asked.

“I thought you liked her”, Steve frowned, crossing his arms.

“I do, but I want you to be careful”, Bucky repeated. “Anyway, I have to go. Sam needs some help winning a bet”

Steve walked Bucky to the door, his head still spinning from what Bucky had said. You didn’t care about him being Captain America… you liked him because of Steve Rogers, not the superhero. But what if you did? What if he wasn’t the Cap anymore? Would you still like him?

He wasn’t the insecure type, but he had never liked anyone the he liked you, and he suddenly worried about you not liking him the way he liked you. Maybe the last six months hadn’t meant the same for both of you and the idea of that being true broke his heart.

Just then, he heard his phone buzzing on top of the table. It was probably you telling him you had already gone out of the subway and were five minutes away. He took the phone and, indeed, he found your name on the screen. You were a few minutes away and he didn’t feel like going anywhere. With a heavy heart, he looked for your number and called you.

“Hey there!” You said happily on the other side. “I’m just a block away. I’m thinking about buying some snacks before going to the cinema?”

“I’m sorry but I’m not going to be able to make it tonight”, he said all of sudden. There was a small silence in the line.

“Oh…” you finally said. “What happened?”

“Tony called for an urgent meeting at the Tower”, he quickly said, coming up with that lie way faster than he expected.

“Okay”, you sighed. “Don’t worry about it. See you tomorrow?”

“I have to go to D.C”, he said. “I think we are going to be there a couple of days.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot”, you said.

You spoke to him so many times throughout the day that it was easy to say when there was something off. And there was something really wrong at the moment. You only wished you could know what it was, but it looked like he wasn’t willing to share what was on his mind. At least for now.

“Then give me a call when you come back?” You asked, after a few minutes of silent, when you were already getting to your building.

“Sure”, he said. “I gotta go.”

Before you had the chance to say anything, he hung up. You frowned looking at the screen and then looked up at his building, where you knew his living room was, but there was no sign of anyone. Quickly, you made your way up to your apartment and headed towards your room to look at his apartment but, for the first time, you found the curtains completely closed, keeping you from seeing anything inside.

What was going on?

The next few days you barely heard from Steve. He sent you a quick text when he landed in D.C., but you didn’t know anything else until he arrived at his apartment. And it wasn’t like he had texted you or anything, you just saw the lights in his room. You checked your phone in case you didn’t have service, but it was working perfectly. However, you decided to wait, maybe he was just unpacking and taking a shower.

A couple of hours later he hadn’t said anything yet and you didn’t know if you should text him or just keep on waiting. It was impossible that he thought that you wouldn’t see the lights when you had spent the last six months checking for those lights in order to talk to each other. It had become a habit for both of you. Still, you decided that waiting was the best option. Maybe something was going on at the Tower and he was dealing with it.

But when you texted him next morning and he didn’t text back and you still saw him getting into one of Tony’s Audis from your window, you just knew that something was really wrong. The main problem was that there was no way to find out what it was. You hadn’t said anything to him to make him get mad at you, right?

There was only one way to find out. You had to go to his apartment and face him. But he didn’t come back. It only meant that you would have to go the Stark Tower. Even if that meant that you had to talk to him in front of the whole team you didn’t care, you had the right to know why your boyfriend was ignoring you.

After taking a shower and getting ready, you took your bag with your wallet, keys and phone and let your apartment when the Uber app told you that your ride was waiting. Luckily, the traffic wasn’t as horrible as usual and you made your way to the Tower in less than thirty minutes.

You would be lying if you said that you weren’t nervous about facing Steve, but you were more worried about what was going on and wanted to fix it. Whatever it took. You had gone to the Tower so many times that the security guards that were by the private elevator that went straight to the Avengers HQ let you in without any inconvenience. Definitely, being Steve’s girlfriend had its perks.

When you walked out of the elevator, you were surprised to see no one. Usually, there was always someone watching TV or reading a book or just hanging in the living room, but nothing. Still, you made your way into the place and waited until you heard some muffled voices coming from the kitchen. As you got closer, you recognised Steve’s and Bucky’s voices. You were going to just irrupt in there, but you stopped when you heard your name.

“You can’t hide from (Y/N) forever, Steve”, Bucky was saying.

“I’m not hiding”, Steve said.

“This is the first night you’ve spent here since you met her, are you going to say that’s a coincidence?” Bucky asked but there was no answer. “Look, sorry I said what I said. I was just worried about you.”

“But what if you were right?” Steve finally asked. You frowned as you listened closely. “What if Steve Rogers isn’t enough? What if who she really likes is Captain America?”

“That’s bullshit”, Nat’s voice suddenly spoke up. You didn’t even know she was in there. “She’s completely infatuated with you, Steve. I don’t think she even cares about the stripes and the shield.”

“How do you know that?” Steve sighed.

“Well, I don’t, but I have eyes and what I see is a girl in love with you. With Steve Rogers”, she said. “Has she ever talked about you as Captain America?”

“No…”, Steve said after a few moments. “Not really. All she has said was that she loves the navy suit.”

“Even I do”, Natasha said, making you almost laugh, but you didn’t. “If you’re so full of doubts, just talk to her, but stop hiding like a little boy.”

Before any of them walked out of the kitchen and saw you there, ears dropping, you made your way back to the elevator silently. So that was the problem. Steve thought he wasn’t enough. How could he even think that? And how could you prove that it was bullshit, just like Nat had said?

When you walked out of the Tower and headed to the subway to go back home, you texted Steve, telling him to go to your place that night. You two had to talk.

It wasn’t until he texted you back that you breathed again. You were a bit scared at the thought of him saying no, but he said he would be there at 9 p.m. You spent the rest of the afternoon on your computer, finishing some work-related stuff you hadn’t been able to finish at the office and you had to turn in as soon as possible. Before you realised it, it was eight o’clock and you hadn’t even showered nor made dinner.

Since you weren’t going to have time to make some proper dinner, you just decided to order some Chinese food from Steve’s favourite restaurant. If he was comfortable enough, he would be more willing to speak to you. Or so you hoped.

As always, Steve was punctual and at 9 p.m. sharp there was a knock on your door. The Chinese food had arrived a few minutes earlier so it was still hot, meaning he was just in time. When you opened the door, a smile appeared on your face. It had been only a few days since you had last seen him, but you just realised how much you had actually missed him.

Immediately, you wrapped your arms around his torso, hiding your face in his chest with a content sigh as he hugged you back. As nervous as you were, his presence was as comforting as always.

Steve had missed you like crazy. It didn’t matter how worried he was, how insecure he was feeling. The moment he felt you close, he felt complete again, like he was home. The scent of your hair, your warmth, your smile. You were everything to him and the thoughts that had been haunting him for the last days were a completely nightmare.

“I missed you”, you said.

“I missed you too”, he sighed.

“I ordered Chinese”, you said, finally letting him walk in.

“Ching Pao?” He asked, taking off his jacket.

“Always”, you nodded. “And extra rolls”, you added.

“You’re the best”, he said with a soft smile.

You spent a few minutes setting up at the table with dishes and glasses before you sat down at the table, in front of each other.

“How was D.C.?” You asked.

“Boring”, he said. “Meeting after meeting and a gala”, he added.

“I’m sorry you didn’t have your fancy reunion expert with you”, you said.

“I wish I had her”, he smiled at you, but you noticed that the smile didn’t reach his eyes. You sighed and looked down at your plate for a moment, you couldn’t wait anymore.

“What’s wrong, Steve?” You asked.

“What do you mean?” He asked, avoiding your eyes.

“Are we really going to do this thing when you pretend not to know what I’m talking about?” You asked. Steve sighed and put down his chopsticks.

“Do you like me being Captain America?” He asked. You narrowed your eyes and shrugged.

“I like that you are, I’m very proud of you, but it’s not what I like the most”, you replied.

“Then what is? What could you possible like about me besides who I am?” He asked.

“Are you saying that you’re not good enough if you’re not Captain America?” You asked. He didn’t reply, but when he looked away, you sighed. “Steve, I don’t care about it. If tomorrow you said you wanted to hang the suit and drop the shield, my feelings for you wouldn’t change.”

“How do you know?” He asked.

“Because, Steve, I’m not looking for a superhero. All I want is someone who’s there for me, someone I can kiss, someone I can turn to when I need him”, you said. “I’m looking for something…something just like this”, you shrugged. “And Captain America doesn’t give me that. Steve Rogers does”, you added.

Steve was looking down at his food the whole time. You had no idea how good your words were been to him, how much they meant. Just with them, you were fixing that crack that had appeared in his chest a few days ago.

“I fell for Steve Rogers, my neighbour, my best friend”, you smiled a little, reaching out to take his hand. “And I am incredibly proud of you for being Captain America, I really am. But you’ve been Captain America for a long time before we met and I didn’t fell in love with you until I met you.”

He finally looked up at you and couldn’t help but smile when he met your eyes. You had said “in love”, you were in love with him and he couldn’t express how much that meant for him. Finally, he got up from his chair and walked around the table to kneel next to you.

“I love you too”, he smiled, taking your hands in his. “And I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about”, you said, turning your body so you were facing him. “But next time you’re feeling worried about my feelings for you… why don’t you just tell me so we can avoid all this?”

“Noted”, he nodded.

With a smile, he placed a hand on your cheek and pulled you closer to him, sealing the deal with a kiss that had you both grinning into it like idiots.

“By the way”, you said. “I love you.”

“I know”, he smiled widely before kissing you again, deeper this time, making you both forget about the now cold Chinese food for the rest of the night.

[dukeofonions]

How do you feel about the upload schedule for sanders sides? It’s been 10 months since the last proper episode. Also, I read a post on another blog about how they feel him hiring his friends leads to a slower production process due to messing around. Thoughts on that? Also also, do you think that since YT is his job, he should upload more? these are things I am thinking of tonight.

Not to worry anon, these are things I think about a lot because I have nothing better to do with my life. 

Seeing as I joined the fandom shortly after Can Lying Be Good? came out, the longest my first wait for a new episode wasn’t that long actually. The video came out in February but I didn’t see it until early March. The next episode Logic vs Passion, came out in April. So it didn’t bother me much. And right after that we got Crofters: The Musical so I was on the hype train and fully invested. 

Then we didn’t get another episode until October which left me a bit antsy, but I was still excited anyway and didn’t mind the wait. Embarrassing Phases then came out that December. So we got two videos within a fairly short time span. 

SVS Part 1 came out that next year in March, again, bit of a wait, but it’s becoming standard now that we get a couple of new episodes every few months. No biggie. We get Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts in June, Asides in November... This newest one just came out now in May... 

Yeah, if we hadn’t been given that Asides, we would have had almost a year-long wait for this next episode. And we did have a year-long wait for the follow up to a video that honestly, kinda made me think “Why do we still care about this? I’m not really invested in the “Wedding or callback” dilemma anymore” which, when you’re trying to tell a story using this medium, the last thing you want is your audience to lose interest in something that’s meant to be this big of an event within the series. 

And what do all these videos have in common? Each one uses some kind of gimmick. CLBG and SVS had them filming in different locations, Logic vs Passion, LNTAO, and POF involved them using different mediums to tell the story (animations and puppets) Crofters and DWIT both had music in them, and Embarrassing Phases had the costumes. 

Before that, the videos were all fairly simple. Maybe a few gimmicks here and there, but none of them went to the same level as these other ones. 

Basically, what’s happening here is that with each new episode, the team is trying to bring something new to the table each time, and their solution is to use a different gimmick. Which, in theory, is fine. But I honestly believe these are doing more harm than good. For one thing, not everyone is a fan of these gimmicks and while sometimes they can be used to benefit the story, other times they just take over and the writing suffers for it. 

The main reason (as far as we know) that this newest episode in particular took so long was because of the video game animations they wanted to use, but after watching the video besides a few instances, they really weren’t necessary to have. 

And I plan to make a whole other post on this topic so I’ll leave it there for now. In regards to Thomas hiring more of his friends to work on episodes? Again, it’s good in theory, but I for one have noticed a certain change in the episodes since they brought on more writers, which officially started with Embarrassing Phases where Thomas said in the live stream following it that it was the first episode he really didn’t work on and it shows (but more on that in another post) I do think the other writers are talented people, but maybe all of them shouldn’t be working on Sanders Sides. 

Each one is gonna have their own preferences for each character and ideas that may clash, and if these were simply coworkers, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem shutting down ideas that go too far. But when they’re literally all your friends, you have that connection to them and you don’t want them hurt, which can make saying “No” to certain things much harder. I’m not sure exactly how the writing team gets along so I can only speculate based on what I’ve learned from live streams. 

As for their inclusion making the production for videos longer, I can also understand that seeing as you’re more inclined to goof off with people you’re close and comfortable with, especially when you’re not in a professional setting. Which, in Thomas’ case, he’s usually at home with his friends around. This automatically makes things more casual and one would feel more relaxed and not worry too much about being serious. Which, when you’re trying to get things done, can be a problem.

I’m gonna briefly use my own workplace as an example: I work in fast food, and all of my coworkers get along really well. We like to joke around and have fun, especially when we’re slow. But as soon as things start picking up it’s like a switch is flipped and we go from “Fun mode” to “work mode” just like that. Sure, we might continue to quip and joke with each other. But we never let it take precedence over the work that needs to be done. Some of our coworkers, don’t understand this. And when the rest of us are trying to work, they’re still goofing off. And in fast food, if just one person isn’t doing their job, it can bring everything crashing down. We have customers waiting in line for almost ten minutes, they get angry, they get mad at us, even if it’s just because of one person not doing their job. But we don’t have time to argue. We accept their complaints and do our best to fix the issue and get things moving again. 

Obviously, what Thomas does is very different from working in fast food, but Youtube is still his job. Logan puts it best in LNTAO, “Thomas made a commitment to regularly sharing content. He must be held accountable.” 

Now in fast food, we are most definitely held accountable by the customers if their food isn’t delivered in a timely manner or isn’t made to their liking, and we as the providers of said product, have to heed their words and make the product to their liking in order to ensure their satisfied. If they’re not satisfied, they won’t want to pay. Simple as that. 

Thomas, on the other hand, is never held accountable by his fanbase. Now I’m not saying it’s a bad thing for him to have such a supportive fandom, heck I wish the customers I had to deal with on a regular basis were as understanding. But honestly, the way the majority of this fandom blindly follows Thomas and holds him on this golden pedestal is... 

Kinda creepy... 

He is surrounded by constant praise, hardly any criticism, and I believe that’s why we hardly get content from him. 

Quick note, I understand that part of why this video in particular was delayed due to the pandemic and I respect their decision to not put themselves or anyone else at unnecessary risk for the sake of a Youtube video.  However, plenty of Youtubers are still making and posting regular content on their channels despite this. To me, the main issue with Thomas’ content as of late is that he tries to put too much into what should be simple things. I understand wanting to give your audience the very best, but honestly, in my opinion, his newer content isn’t as good as the older stuff. It all had just such a simple, wholesome charm to it, that’s now been replaced with a fancier production and flashy editing. Not only that, they tend to start way too many projects at once, which result in never getting done.

You guys remember when they said they’d be bringing back Story Time Madlibs? That was last year, and the most recent thing we’ve heard about it is that they want to add more to it by including animations made by different people! Which will only increase the amount of time it will take to make what should have been a simple video that shouldn’t have taken more than a couple of weeks to film, edit, then post. 

I’m not saying they shouldn’t try new things, but they’ve been trying to do so much that we end up getting nothing, and the fandom just seems okay with this. 

At the end of the day though, this is just one opinion from a random faceless, nameless person sitting behind a computer screen. I doubt anyone on Thomas’ team will see it. I doubt a majority of the fandom would agree with any of it. But with more people starting to voice their opinions, it’s only a matter of time before it becomes too much of a thing to ignore. And if it becomes apparent that there’s a group in the fandom that is being ignored, that’s definitely going to cause problems.

Because in short if someone is out there, producing content for people, and they have complaints about it, then if those complaints are legitimate and can be fixed, then I believe it is the responsibility of that person to consider what they are saying and do their best to heed their words. If no one is ever criticized, then how will they ever improve? Criticism is not a bad thing. And once people get that out of their heads I think things will go much smoother for this fandom. But honestly, that’s just wishful thinking at this point. Sorry this answer got so long, I really should have just made a whole other post about this. XD

[boorishbint]

Cute and little my

There’s a very funny noise coming from the cupboard. 

Moomin eyes it with great suspicion. Cupboards shouldn’t being making any noise any which way, of course, but something about this particular rattling is giving Moomin the heebie-jeebies. Or it would, if he weren’t so grown as to not feel heebs in any of his jeebs.

Still though… better to be cautious.

Moomin slips from his bed, leaving the book he’d been reading behind him and tiptoes up to the cupboard. Can’t be anything dangerous surely. He’d have noticed something dangerous sneaking in.

All the same, Moomin grabs blindly for his badminton racquet.He raises it over his head, holding a paw that is most certainly not shaking out to open the cupboard. Once he does, he nearly drops the racquet.

‘What the-!’

There’s a child in the cupboard. Moomin freezes as the small thing yelps with fright, disappearing behind an old raincoat inside. Moomin watches as her tiny hands scramble to cover herself with it.

‘Go away!’ she says, as though Moomin were the rude one here. Moomin frowns, unsure as that sounds awfully like…

‘Little My?’

A wellington boot flies out of the cupboard and hits Moomin squarely on the snout. Moomin shouts, (ow!), and drops his racquet to rub at where he’s been struck by this wellie.

‘I said sod off!’

‘That hurt, you know!’ Moomin says, utterly confident it is Little My for who else would be so bold as to tell him to sod off from his own bedroom cupboard. ‘What on earth are you doing?’

‘Nothing! Never mind!’ Little My replies from where she’s hidden. Moomin frowns- not like Little My at all to not boast about her trouble. He inches closer, reaching in to tug the raincoat out of the way. Another wellie flies out but this time Moomin ducks.

‘Stop chucking things, will you?’ Moomin says, pulling on the raincoat. Little My pulls back, still hidden. ‘What’s the matter, eh? I didn’t even know you were in here!’

‘Then go back to not knowing!’

‘Honestly!’ Moomin gets both paws and yanks. ‘This is ridiculous!’

The raincoat flies out and Little My tumbles out after it. Moomin lands back on his arse with a thump, caught off-guard with how easy it’s all come undone. The raincoat has flapped over his head and he goes to pull it off, but two little hands press to his snout to stop him.

‘No, don’t! I don’t want you to see!’

Blind-folded by a raincoat, Moomin asks; ‘See what?’‘You’ll laugh.’

Moomin very much doubts that. He never finds Little My’s jokes very funny. But he manages to get the raincoat off though, too quick for Little My it seems and when he gets a look at her, he definitely doesn’t laugh. Even if it were to, he thinks he’d be too surprised.

No wonder he didn’t recognise her at first.

‘Your hair’s down,’ Moomin says, for it is. Long and a little curly, Little My’s hair tumbles down around her shoulders and fluffs about her face. She blows at a strand and it goes up, before flopping back down.

‘Excellent observation, Moomintroll. Who knew your eyes were as big as your snout?’Moomin ignores that. ‘I’ve never seen you with your hair down before.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t think so!’ she says, gathering it up and shucking it on top of her head. But there’s nothing to tie it with and the whole orange mess of it comes back down again. ‘It’s not very proper.’

‘Since when do you care about that?’‘Oh, just shut it, will you! Should’ve known you wouldn’t get it,’ she says, more acerbic than usual. She makes a funny sighing noise quite unlike her. ‘I broke my bobble this morning. It snapped! Can you believe it?’

Moomin can really as he’s seen Snorkmaiden do it more time than he can count. Girls can really be tough on things, he thinks but he doesn’t fancy pointing that out right now. With the look Little My has on her face anyway. ‘Well, it’s not so bad,’ Moomin tells her gently. ‘If anything it’s kind of nice seeing you with your hair down. Cute, really.’

Wrong thing to say. ‘I’m not cute. I’m bigger than you.’‘I don’t know if bigger is the right word-’

‘And it won’t be so cute running around not being able to see where I’m going!’ Little My continues, not at all interested in technicalities it seems. ‘There’s nothing like a bobble in this house! I thought you might have something with how often Snorkmaiden comes round, but if there is I haven’t seen it yet.’

Moomin thinks for a moment. Nice as he truly thinks it is to see Little My so undone for a change, there’s something nagging at the way she’s holding herself. Despite there actually being more of her than usual she seems… smaller. Moomin finds he doesn’t fancy that much at all. 

‘I’m quite a good fisherman, you know.’

‘Bully for you. What’s that got to do with anything?’

‘Well, it’s all knot-tying, isn’t it?’

Little My glances at him, green eyes astute through the hair in her face. Moomin gets up and holds a paw down to her, offering her a lift up to the bed. ‘Sit here and I’ll find something for it.’

That something turns out to be a bit of lace trimming from one of the fancier shirts Moomin has never worn. (Like most gifts given from Mrs Fillyjonk). He does his best and he thinks he’s fastened it pretty tight for the intensity that is a day in the life of Little My, but as he stands back, it appears a touch crooked.

‘Alright,’ he says awkwardly, watching Little My leap from the bed to the dresser to inspect herself in the mirror. ‘Maybe we’d have been better off waiting for Snorkmaiden, but that knot will hold until the end of the day anyway. Maybe tomorrow we can find you something better?’

Little My turns this way and that, humming thoughtfully. ‘It’s good.’

‘Not too crooked?’

‘Everything you do is lopsided one way or another,’ Little My replies plainly and Moomin flushes, offended. ‘But I have to say, I rather like when that side is mine.’

‘Oh,’ Moomin says, watching her hop down and head for the door. ‘Well, glad you like it.’

‘Come on then!’ she says, waiting for him. Which is a change. ‘I’ve got plans!’

Moomin doesn’t doubt that.

[eloarei]

About the process of creating a book (the not-writing part)

I was asked recently about if making a book was easy or tedious or whatever, and I realized that was actually something I’d like to talk about. I’d never done it before (and still I only have a little experience), but I’ve been teaching myself and it’s been... fun?  Behind the cut (that’s still a thing, right?), I ramble about formatting, PDFs, fonts, and some other stuff. (Also pictures, though most of them are the same as the ones I posted yesterday.) 

First of all, I had to pick a Print-On-Demand (POD) website. That was easy for me, because finding the website was actually what made me want to make the book. I used Lulu.com, which has worked very well for me the two times I’ve used it. (It has a bunch of bad reviews, but honestly I got just what I paid for both times. They apparently offer editing and marketing services; I can’t vouch for those because I only used the POD service. But personally I wouldn’t trust anyone to edit or market my book, let alone some randos on some website. They’re a POD site. That’s what they’re good at, so that’s what I use.)  It would have been almost too easy if they just let me copy-paste the text to them, but understandably they wanted a PDF. PDFs are kind of the bane of my existence, but I downloaded a template from them (for a 6x9 inch novel, with appropriate margins) and then copy-pasted my fic into it using LibreOffice. (I’m so-so about LibreOffice, but it does create PDFs reasonably well.)  From there... well, then I had to go through the process of reformatting it. I’d copied the text from my AO3, and that meant that it had spaces between every paragraph and no indents, which is how AO3 fics are typically formatted. It was a lot of Tab-Left-Down-Down-Down-Backspace-Backspace-Enter-Repeat. For 140k words, it took a few casual days.  After the bulk of that was done, I realized the indents/tabs looked... weird? They were too big. ^^; Luckily there was a setting in LibreOffice to change them all automatically. I almost cried at the thought of having to do it manually haha.  Adding data to the headers and footers came next. I chose to only add the page number to the footer, and nothing to the header. Normally people will have the author’s name on one side, and the book’s title on the other, but I skipped that for the time being. Not sure if I’ll do it for the ‘official’ release.  (Somehow my footer ended up being too small, so that’s something I need to look into.)  Next I had to pick a font and a font size. I decided to do something a little gimmicky: I have alternating chapters that take place in modern and historical times, so I chose different fonts to represent those chapters. For the historical chapters I chose “Century”, which is a serif font (meaning that it has little embellishments, like “Times New Roman”), while for the modern chapters I chose “Verdana”, a sans-serif font (meaning that it is sans/without the embellishments, like whatever font Tumblr uses).  It’s typically agreed that novels are best in serif fonts, because it’s easier to read them for a long session. The embellishments make the letters blend together into visually recognizable words, which is apparently how we read, as opposed to looking at every letter individually. However, because I wanted to be quirky, more than half of my book is in sans-serif, which I’m just hoping doesn’t annoy people.  I used Verdana size 11 and Century size 12. Even so, the Verdana still looks too large to my eye, so I’ll probably change it again.  After that was mostly aesthetic formatting, which was the actual fun part. I tabbed down I think about 10 spaces at the start of every chapter, then went back up a space or two, increased the font size and changed the font to something slightly fancier and wrote the chapter title (which for me were just “Chapter Five”, etc).  (UPON FURTHER SCRUTINY, apparently not all of my first chapter pages are tabbed down the same amount. ugh. ^^; They’re close but not identical. How messy.)  Under the chapter titles, I simulated “drop caps” on the first phrase of the chapter, because I didn’t have a good drop caps font. I just did this by retyping the whole phrase in caps, and then changing the first letter to a slightly larger font size.  Next were a few easy things: a title page, a few silly “praise for” pages of reviews I got from online readers (these probably won’t be in the “official” version; they just make me smile), a mock-up copyright page (mock-up because I don’t actually have a copyright or anything yet), a short dedications page (mine was just one sentence), and then an empty page so that the story text starts on the right, which is standard. I have bought another self-published book which otherwise looks pretty good, but it starts the story on the left page and it’s just so jarring.  At that point, the PDF was pretty much done. I added a few other little touches, like some little fancy dagger icons during in-chapter scene transitions. I ended up with the “the end” page being on the left, which, again, is really awkward, so I found a chapter that only had like two lines on the last page, and went back in and deleted a handful of words in the chapter so that it would end on the previous page instead.  THEN came the fun but agonizing part, as I’m not as much of a graphic designer as I sometimes wish. I had to make a cover. The other self-published book I bought looks really nice with a beautiful illustration on the front, but the spine and back had just tiny white text, and didn’t even include a synopsis. So I downloaded a template for a 6x9inch wrap-around cover, tossed it up in Photoshop, paint-bucketed it black, and went to work. I pasted in my synopsis in off-white sans-serif font about the same as my internal font, and bolded some of the key words for... ease of skimming and/or funsies? At the top I added a short dialogue exchange from the first chapter that I thought represented the story as a whole, chose a different font that stood out, and gave it a red shadow so it would stand out more. For fun I added some faint red blood-splatters behind the text.  For the front I chose a big bold block-letter font in off-white, then gave it a red and a yellow shadow so it would stand out. I rasterized the font (turning it into a picture), and then used the tool to highlight the letters, and splashed some red blood-splatters on them. I did the same for the spine. (Though really what I should have done was copy the logo from the front and resize it. Silly me. Now the two logos don’t match.)  I used Unsplash.com for a few free photos that I quickly manipulated into a passable cover art. Ultimately, I would like to have something either professionally photographed, edited, or drawn, but what I found was vaguely similar enough to what I wanted that I figured it’d do for now.  Maybe the last thing I had to do (besides uploading it all to Lulu) was decide on a pen-name! I ended up going with L.A.Rayborn, instead of my legal name. I used my legal first two initials, but chose my birth surname (which is twice removed from my legal name, since I was first adopted and then married). To be perfectly honest, the reason I chose not to use my legal name is mostly because I don’t want to associate my in-laws with possibly-sensitive content that they probably wouldn’t like.  SO. Then it was done, and I uploaded it to Lulu, and chose a few options on the site, such as cream pages instead of white, and matte exterior finish instead of gloss. (I highly suggest the cream for novels, but the matte is really just personal preference.) I paid them (I ended up getting it printed and shipped to me for under $20), and then about 2 weeks later I had the 400 page darling in my hands, ready to be eviscerated with a set of neon hi-lighters!  After this current round of edits, I already know there’s a ton of stuff I’m going to have to fix (and this is to say nothing of the story).  1. The font is slightly too large, but could probably use a 1.5 or maybe 1.2 spacing between lines. I’ll have to fiddle with it, and see what others do.  2. The back cover text is too close to the edges to really look good.  3. The page numbering just looks odd for some reason.  4. Figure out how to get the page numbers to stay off the copyright and dedications page, etc.  5. MORE THAN ANYTHING, I need to change the... I’m not even sure what to call it? I need to make the text space out evenly so that it creates a block on each page, rather than creating messy ridges on the right margins. I didn’t even think of this until I got the book and started comparing it to professional books I’ve read and enjoyed. It seems like a very rookie mistake. 

(lol I’m in the process of changing the main character’s name, which is why the crappy MS Paint edits.)  PHEW, that was long. But hopefully my journey was at least a little insightful. Please do let me know if you have any thoughts, questions, or suggestions about how I could better format the book for the “real” printing! 

[funkymeihem-fiction]

Mei-rry Christmas (Meihem Fanfic)

She checked the clock again, stirring at her cup of hot chocolate with one hand as she padded away from the kitchen, yeti slippers shuffling lightly against the cold tile floor. Her hotel room was fancier than she was used to; with actual separate rooms, a jacuzzi, two huge beds, and supposedly, even room service (though she had been too timid and worried about the cost to actually try it yet). Despite her protests, Winston had upgraded her booking behind her back as a sort of ‘holiday gift’ as he put it, and though he sent his regrets that they wouldn’t be together during the holidays, he sent his well wishes and what must have been a very expensive hotel package instead.

She had just gotten back to it a few hours ago, after hours spent driving to and from several local weather stations to check their readings. A developing anomaly was starting to spin somewhere out to the east, but there was nothing she could do except sit and wait for developments, go over her notes and monitor the latest eco-point updates, and work.

It was an awfully dreary way to spend the Christmas season, but there was nothing for it.

She hadn’t really grown up with much Christmas in her life, back in Xi’an. But her time in school had introduced her to the holidays and she had embraced them with enthusiasm. She loved everything about the idea of Christmas. Perhaps not the religious bits, though she was always respectful, but the rest of it? Who wouldn’t love Christmas; with the festive trees decorated with baubles and dripping with colored lights, non-stop parties with enough food and eggnog to make her head spin, piles of presents to and from friends, comfy sweaters and scarves and hats to keep her warm during walks in the snow, and snuggling together with a lover under blankets in front of a roaring fire, and-

Well, she actually did know of someone who would probably pull a face and utter over-dramatic ‘bleeeech!’ noises at most of that. Junkrat had never been shy about voicing his displeasure at anything to do with snow and cold. The Australian idea of Christmas, during the middle of the southern hemisphere summer, was quite different than her ideal visions of the holiday. His Christmas involved beaches, sun, heat, burgers on the barbie (no prawns, the heads creeped him out), and cold beers in place of warm eggnog.

That was probably what he was doing now, though hopefully Roadhog was keeping an eye on how many beers he drank. With his scrawny physique, the man was an embarrassingly lightweight drinker and Mei consistently drank him under the table when they shared a bottle or two of huángjiǔ. A little smile flittered at the edges of her lips at the thought. The last time they had spent Christmas together at Gibraltar, he’d soundly lost their little drinking contest, eaten almost half a turkey by himself as consolation, had challenged Zarya to an arm-wrestling match and lost, then challenged Roadhog to an arm-wrestling match and won (Roadhog let him), and then they’d snuck back to her room, exchanged gifts, and had meant to have an extremely passionate night. Neither of them had gotten through the undressing phase before passing out with her half on top of him, and they had instead spent the next morning nursing their hangovers together. It was funnier now than it had been at the time.

One of her eco-monitors chimed and she paused to record the numbers.

“It’s holding steady for now,” she said aloud, looking to where her drone companion was sitting in its charger. “What do you think?”

Snowball beeped a confirmation, then offered her its happy eyes and played ‘Jingle Bells’ in a series of high-pitched tones.

“Happy holidays to you too, Snowball.”

She checked the clock again as a little pang of loneliness reared its ugly head. Her work here was important, no doubt, and she had this entire fancy suite all to herself…but the ‘all to herself’ part was a hollow comfort. Her drone could only provide so much company, after all. She wondered what the others were doing right now, on this Christmas eve…

Maybe she really should try that room service after all? A big dinner and a big bottle of wine might take the edge off.

Another glance at the clock belied that it was finally their agreed-upon time, and almost immediately her computer chimed again, this time with an incoming call. She lit up and dove for the device, dragging it onto her bed with her as Junkrat’s portrait grinned at her from the monitor. She hit the button.

“Hello? Oi, Mei darl, you got good reception there?” His voice blared as the video window snapped open. There was Junkrat, looking…absolutely ridiculous. He was at the beach just like she’d guessed. He was dressed in a goofy-looking visor and tacky plastic sunglasses, sunscreen smeared along his nose, and a pair of water wings around his arms. The waves crashed steadily behind him and she could hear the far-off shrieking of gulls. His prosthetic finger filled the screen as he tapped at the camera several times. “Can ya see me?”

“I see you! It’s…it’s really good to see you, actually. How are things down in the southern hemisphere?” She rolled onto her belly, resting her chin in her hands and swaying her feet behind her, a little giddy at the sudden company, virtual or not.

“We’re celebrating proper Christmas down here, is what we’re doin’! Roadie’s off somewhere…He’d better be getting us ice cream, wherever he is. Wish you were here! I woulda gotten you some grass from the side of the road or something for you to eat while us proper carnivores get it on. I got lots of meat in the esky, even some of those big boar sausages from that ol’ German guy. Heh. Hehe, hey Mei, wanna see my giant weinerschnitzel on camera?”

It was good to hear him being gross again, though she wagged a finger at his offer. “Don’t you dare. And tell Mr. Roadhog hello, sending my love from up here. Winston gifted me a really nice room here. It has a jacuzzi and everything…I wish you were here to use it with me, though. Honestly, I wish anyone was here.”

“Aw, y’do?”

“But…it’s okay! I’ve got work to do so, I guess I’ll try to focus on getting that done, right? How are things at the beach?”

“Oh, ya know!” He looked around him, paused to sneeze loudly, then wiped his nose and grinned back at her. “Hotter than balls, sunny, sandy, and Christmasy! A little breezy, maybe, but what are ya gonna do, eh? So tell me about this jacuzzi of yours, eh? The monkey really set you up?”

“Mm-hm! It has a jacuzzi, the biggest beds I’ve ever seen, fancy TVs, and you can even order food and drinks. I wouldn’t want to bother anyone on Christmas eve though, maybe I should just have noodles?”

He shuddered suddenly, as one of the aforementioned breezes must have chilled him. “Brrr…Sorry, darl, did you say you were gonna have instant noodles? Like hell I’d allow that! You know how many Christmases I had with just scraps to eat? Nuh-uh. This time of year, if you got food, you eat all of it you can. You pick up that phone and you tell whatever damn omnic is in charge to bring you a feast!” He wrapped both arms around himself. “Ugh, damnit!”

“Jamie? You okay? Is it really that windy there?”

“Oh, yeah! It’s a real bluster out here! Heh! Don’t you worry about me, though.” His eyes darted, barely visible behind his goofy sunglasses. “And you, order yourself a tofurkey or a pile of carrot clippings, ya know, be real nice to yourself.”

“Oh, -haha-,” she said, “I guess maybe I can order in and spend a quiet evening here. But I miss you.”

He sneezed again. The screen must have been going a little wonky, because Mei could have sworn he was starting to turn a bit blue, despite the brightness of the sunny beach behind him. “Y-y-yeah! I miss you too, darl! H-hey! So! Tell me about your, uh, your weather-r-r-r stuff!”

She squinted at him strangely. Were his teeth chattering? At the beach? “Jamison, I know you love the beach but if it’s that windy, maybe you should go inside?”

“W-working on it, babe!” He wrapped both arms around himself. “H-hey! Tell me again how much you m-m-miss me?”

“What on earth? I mean, of course I do, but, Jamison, I mean it! Go inside!”

“Y-you miss me though?”

“I miss you! Now, really-” She was just about to start arguing with him again about getting off the windy beach, when a knock rattled her hotel room door. Blinking, her head darted towards the sound, then back to the shivering junker on screen. “Oh! Give me a moment, someone’s here.”

“B-better answer that, love.”

“Okay! Hold on! Hold on, I’m coming!” Pulling her robe on over her pajamas, she scrambled towards the door. Clicking it open with the security latch still tight, she looked up…and up…and up…

Roadhog’s masked face peeked from up above the doorframe, bending over to see in as he offered a gruff, “Hey.”

She shrieked aloud, quickly covered her mouth with one hand, and then slammed the door before realizing how rude it seemed. She fumbled with the locks quickly before swinging open the door again, and launched out the door with her arms outspread. She wrapped both arms around him; or well, not even a quarter of the way around him, he was so huge, but she hugged herself onto his massive belly as much as she could. The thick parka he wore rustled noisily as he brought a mitten-clad hand, peppered with snowflakes, to awkwardly pat her head a few times.

“Mr. Roadhog! Wh-! H-! Oh my gosh, what are you doing here?” She backed up to look up at him, as if to make sure it was really him. But at 7 feet high, nearly as wide, and wearing that pig mask, it couldn’t have been anyone else. “How are you here? Wait, how did you find my room?”

“…Asked Ana where you were. For the holiday. So we came here,” he rumbled, shaking snow off his boot.

“We? Wait, where’s Jamison?”

Roadhog shrugged. “Outside.”

Her mind snapped back to Junkrat dressed in little more than his swim trunks and silly hat. “No he’s not…Jamie’s at the beach…”

“He’s outside.” He jerked a mittened thumb over his shoulder.

She stared at him for a long moment. “No. He’s at the beach. And it’s well below freezing outside. He can’t be-” Her eyes widened behind her glasses before she shoved past the huge junker and tore down the hallway. Her yeti slippers were nearly flung off both feet, stumbling several times and slamming her way through the fire escapes before flinging open the door to the outside alley.

Junkrat turned and looked at her, still dressed in his goofy beachwear under the overhang of the hotel roof. A laptop was sitting open on a crate nearby, and a little hologram projector lay on the cold pavement, projecting the cheerful backdrop of the sunny tropical beach behind him. The junker had wrapped a thin coat around himself but was turning an unhealthy pallor of gray-blue as he shivered in the biting cold, his teeth chattering violently as he looked up and grinned. “H-h-h-hey d-d-d-darl! Trick-ck-cked ya!”

She stood aghast at the sight before throwing herself at him, unwrapping her bathrobe and throwing It around his shoulders. “Nǐ zhège báichī! What were you thinking?! Shǎguā! Bèndàn! You dummy! You get inside right this instant!” Throwing herself under his arm, his skin like ice, she leaned down to gather up his things before half pushing and half pulling him back towards the open backdoor of her hotel.

He was still shaking uncontrollably, but sighed in relief as they entered the heated indoors. “Hehehe! R-r-really surprised you, didn’t I?”

Without warning, she shoved him hard up against the wall of the fire escape. The startled junker even shrieked a little, though it was muffled a moment later when she grabbed the collar of the bathrobe around his shoulders and dragged him down to meet her. She kissed him, shook him with stern rage, then kissed him again. “Báichī! Báichī báichī báichī! You big-” Another kiss. “Dumb!” Another kiss. “Idiot!”

After several more kisses and rather harmless insults, he finally managed to get in a word, still shivering as he wrapped his arms around her. The rubber of his water wing toys squeaked loudly with the movement. “So…you’re surprised, then!”

She grabbed onto his face, his cheeks still icy to the touch and his nose smeared with sunscreen. She added one more kiss for enraged posterity. “That is incredibly sweet but incredibly stupid! I am so mad, I could just- GRRHHRM!” She clenched her fists and hugged him again, then shoved him away, then grabbed his hand and started dragging him down the hall after her. “Come on, let’s get you warmed up.”

She led him back to her hotel room where Roadhog had already removed his winter gear and had hauled in their bags. The shivering Junkrat was led inside as she began removing his beach toys and throwing them aside, piling blankets around him and shoving her mug of hot chocolate into his hands. Crawling into the blanket pile with him and hugging herself against him to add her body heat, she shook her head with clear frustration as she began inspecting him for any signs of frostbite. Satisfied, she adjusted the blankets around him once she was assured he was out of danger. “How long were you out there? Oh gosh, you’re still cold as ice. Here, drink up the rest of that. Mr. Roadhog, could you heat up the water for some tea?”

Snowball seemed startled to see them, drifting up out of its charging station to circle around Roadhog curiously, then gave Junkrat an angry face. Mei waved a finger at it quickly. “Snowball, be nice to him. Apparently, we have visitors.”

“See, Roadie, I told you this was a great plan! She didn’t suspect a thing! Wish I coulda seen her face when you showed up. Ya get it, Mei? I wasn’t at the beach, that was merely…a distraction! Surprise!” Junkrat flung out both arms, only to have them yanked back towards his side as she pulled the blankets back over him.

Roadhog shrugged. “Told you not to.”

“Well who’s in bloody charge of our whole operation? Me, that’s who! And it worked! She never knew we were here, until we were here!”

Mei sighed and shook her head. “That brings me to my next point, what on earth are you two doing here? I saw you both take off on that ship for Australia? Weren’t you both going to be gone f- EEEEEEEE!” She was cut off as Junkrat, desperate to warm himself, buried his pointed nose into her neck. It felt like someone was pressing ice cubes against her, smeared with sunscreen. “Jamie!”

“There, that’s better. And yeah, we were off to Oz like usual. But then you said you canceled your plans to monitor this weather doohickey up here? You think I’d let my favorite lady spend Christmas alone? We got on the next plane off the connection and headed on up here. And then I ran out of airline peanuts and got bored and made up that plan to surprise you. I had plans for Roadie to come in in the background, maybe doing a hula-”

“No,” Roadhog said.

“But he hates anything fun. See what I gotta deal with? Anyway, we’re here for the holiday because you sure as shit ain’t spending it by yourself.” He sniffled noisily, then blinked when Mei threw herself more firmly onto his lap, swim trunks or not, and hugged him ferociously around the shoulders. “Aw, there she is.”

She kissed his nose, forgot there was sunscreen on it, then coughed and nearly spat, wiping it away from her lips while he giggled wildly at her misfortune. Struggling out of his lap, she padded across the kitchen to where Roadhog was standing at the stove, before opening her arms and looking up at him imploringly. “Just one? Really quickly, I promise. This is just….other than him nearly freezing to death, this was one of the nicest things you two have ever done for me.”

The pig-masked man tilted his head down at her, then finally grumbled and opened one thick arm by his side. “Mm…Just one.”

“Xiè xie.” She hugged him quickly as he again placed that enormous bone-crushing hand gently over her head, patting her bun.

Releasing him just as quickly, the huge junker offered her a kettle of boiling water as she rummaged about her bags for her teas. Junkrat was out of danger as far as being frozen, but nothing warmed a body better than hot tea. So that was what she brought him, though he pulled a face and grumbled about it not being coffee despite drinking it down anyway. And upon finishing it, he clapped his hands together and reached across a table to the room service menu. “Arright! What’s for Christmas dinner, then? If the monkey set you up with bots bringing you nonstop food, we should sure as hell make ‘em work for that money, eh? I want the turkey. And the ham. And the turducken. Oh, I think we do still have those German sausages, we can fry those up. And this. And this. Gotta have that. And some of whatever that is…”

Mei fretted a bit as the list of food grew, but feeding two ravenous junkers and herself for Christmas eve dinner would take a lot more than a cup of instant noodles. And really, it had been sort of sad that she’d even considered the noodles option. It was the season for feasting, after all. She found herself nodding along after a bit, and even grabbed the menu out of Junkrat’s hands to look at the vegetarian options. “You know what, I think you’re right. Let’s order everything so they can get started. And then afterward, the molten chocolate cake. And the ice cream. And the eggnog.”

“Oh, we won’t be needing the nog, mates,” Junkrat grinned, before throwing off his blankets and scrambling for his bag. He rifled through it, throwing aside clothes and more summer gear, before holding up a familiar bottle and presenting it to her label-out.

She gasped aloud. “A bottle of huángjiǔ! Oh, this is a good one, too. Where did you get this?”

“Well we got so fucked up last year on this stuff, I decided to prepare for round 2,” he said, grinning widely. “Been keeping it under my bed for months, was going to take it to the beach but since we decided to come here instead…works out, don’t it? What’s say we share a few and see who’s the winner this year. You’re going down, Mei…Heh, hehehe, in more ways than one, after we-”

With practiced ease, she placed a finger to his lips to silence him. “We’ll talk about jacuzzi time after we order the food.”

***

The sheer amount of food had proved to be too much for little hotel table. There was still trays brimming with extra food spread out across the countertops, the desk, and even the bedside dresser. Roadhog lay collapsed in a catatonic stupor with a half-eaten bucket of ice cream curled in one arm, his mask pulled up above his mouth, and snoring steadily to the soft tunes of White Christmas playing on the TV. Mei draped a blanket over him as much as she could.

Junkrat was still demolishing another plate of dessert, though not an ounce of it ever seemed to truly stick his bony ribs. He only looked up when he saw that Mei was giving him ‘that look’ from across the room. He froze, his cheeks still bulging with pudding, before swallowing thickly and shoving everything to the side, following her towards the bedroom with a bit of haste in his step.

He was a little less eager a moment later, when he saw she was putting on sweaters and coats instead of taking them off. And especially when she offered a coat and a blanket to him as well. Balking slightly, he lifted a brow.

“What gives, love?”

“It’s snowing outside. I just want to go out, just on the balcony. Huángjiǔ is best served warm, anyway. Come with me?” She shook the bottle temptingly. “Just for a minute, and you’ll be wearing actual clothes this time.”

Junkrat looked conflicted, but grumbled and began pulling on the coat, throwing the blanket around himself like a poncho. He flinched dramatically when she opened the door, cold air seeping in as the snow continued to fall, glistening against the outside lights. But he still followed her, watching as she brushed snow off the balcony bench and took a seat. Plonking down next to her, he shivered a bit as she snuggled up against his side and rested her head on his shoulder. Sighing in defeat, he rested his head atop hers as they both looked out over the snow-covered rooftops of the other buildings.

“I was really surprised, you know,” she remarked.

“Eh?”

“You and Mr. Roadhog showing up literally on my doorstep. I mean, you almost froze yourself in the process, but… Thank you. It means a lot that you came to visit for Christmas. Even though you hate the cold and had plans in Australia, you gave that up for me.”

He sputtered, looping an arm around her. “Pah! It’s nothin’, darl. You think I’d let my Mei eat instant noodles alone on her favorite holiday? What kind of rat would I be?!”

She smirked up at him. “I think you’re a really nice rat, although I promise not to tell anyone.” Leaning up, she pressed her lips to his. Unlike before, when he had been frozen in the alley, they were still warm to the touch, like they should have been. Kissing him again as the snow continued falling on them both, she felt him shudder. “Oh…here? Will this help?”

She leaned behind her and placed the box device from before on the ground behind them, flicking the switch. It buzzed to life, and then projected that flat hologram image behind them; showing the sandy white beaches and the crashing waves against the clear blue sky of summer, a recording of shrieking gulls playing in the background. Junkrat laughed aloud, poking his finger at the scene almost longingly, as his prodding digit went right through the waves of light. “Almost makes me feel warm again. Almost.”

“Well, this should help with that.” Mei pulled the still warm gourd-like bottle of huángjiǔ out and strained a bit as she popped the cork. She took the first drink, pouring the warm, bitter liquid down her throat. With a little cough, she passed the bottle to his greedy hands next. “Oh! Oh my, you really did get the good kind.”

Junkrat gave her a lecherous grin as he took a much longer drink, wincing at the flavor but taking another sip for good measure as he passed it back. “Like I said, you’re in for it, this year. Round 2 of your weird Chinese liquor.”

He watched as she drank, sharing the bottle back and forth as the white flakes drifted around them, cold and pristine and nothing like the hot sandy beaches projected behind them. Wrapping his arm around her once more, he placed a wet kiss to her forehead, the warmth of the alcohol already flowing through his veins and pleasantly clouding his senses from the bitter cold. “Merry Christmas?”

“Merry Christmas,” she answered, nestling into his side once more to watch the snow fall.

They stayed like that for a while, until the  huángjiǔ was almost gone and Mei could feel the haze starting to overtake her senses. Jamison’s cheeks and ears were already rosy, though from the chill or the booze, she couldn’t tell. It was time to head back inside. Still, she lingered a bit more, sighing happily and enjoying the hush of the moment.

At least until Jamison, swaying slightly, stood up. “…I’m proper rotten, love. Let’s finish the bottle, and then I dunno if I can make it to the jacuzzi. Might hit the bed and accidentally rip all your jammies off and fuck you silly in the ensuing chaos, dunno, let’s play that one by ear.”

Narrowing her eyes at his lewd comment, she grabbed his hand to help steady him as she led him back to the warmth of their hotel room, the alcohol singing in her blood providing more than a little boldness on her part. “Not if- Not if I get you first. We’re wearing too many clothes. Take…” She hiccuped. “Take off your pants, Jamie. S’Christmas… S’time for Christmas…”

His drunken grin wobbled a little wider, lopsided but pleased and barely managed a crowing “Oh-ho-ho! Merry Christmas to me!” before she descended upon him.

Outside, the hologram of the beach continued to play as the snow continued to fall.

[philsdrill]

Chapter 30: Intimacy

Fic Summary: “Everyone had a link with their soulmates, some could hear some of their partners thoughts, some had a tattoo that would appear with their partners name; for me, I knew when they got sick.” For a while Phil has thought that his soulmate might have an eating disorder and doesn’t expect to meet him in the restaurant where he works.

Genre: a lot of fluff, recovery, really fucking domestic, waiter!Phil

Warnings: eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, hospitals, panic attacks, references to past abuse, mentions of suicide, mentions of self-harm, a lot of awkwardness, small amounts of smut. This is potentially triggering so for your own sake, please think twice about reading if anything this might affect you.

Disclaimer: I don’t have personal experience with eating disorders, but have done some research. If I have anything about them wrong, feel free to send me an ask and I’ll sort it out.

Word Count (for this part): 6.4k

[Uploads will be hopefully every couple of weeks! (follow @philsdrill-updates to hear when I post)]

A/N: I hate that this took me more than three weeks, but uni work really takes up a lot of my time.

MASTERPOST

<= Previous Chapter

Dan’s POV:

We’d had a quiet few days since the night of the fire alarm and other less mentionable activities and today was Adam’s birthday. Tonight, Phil and I were taking Ethan and him out for a meal to celebrate. There was an unwritten rule between Phil and I, that I chose where we ate, but tonight I was letting Adam have the say.

It turned out that he was fairly easy to please and picked out a chain Italian restaurant. I realised about ten minutes after I agreed to this, that Phil may not actually be happy with the choice. This was where we’d eaten the night his lactose intolerance really hit him in the face. I’d need to consult him.

Phil, being fairly lenient, told me that this was fine, he’d just do what he’d been doing since he was diagnosed and choose his meal carefully.

Neither Adam or Ethan had any fancier clothes with them, so while Phil and I were in button-ups for the special occasion, they remained in t-shirts. They had showered separately and I had supervised Ethan shaving in our bathroom while Adam was in the shower.

We’d had a little discussion then, about heading out for this meal and they wanted to do anything afterwards.

“Do you and Adam want to do anything after dinner? Go to the cinema? Just have a quiet night in?” I had asked him.

Ethan was quiet for a few moments before giving me a response.

“Just come back here,” he’d said, pausing and turning a little pink, “I’ll be honest with you, we’re thinking we might actually… have sex. I’m ready, Adam thinks he’s ready, but we thought we could wait until his birthday as it was so close.”

“Awwhh cute,” I’d said, smiling, genuinely happy for them. “How about… I’ll need to ask Phil… but we could bring you guys back here, then the two of us go to the cinema. My first time was nerve-wracking as it was, without having to think about people in the next room.”

“That would be good,” Ethan had nodded, hopefully.

“I’ll go and ask Phil,” I’d told him, “I’m trusting you for two minutes alone.”

I left Ethan in our bathroom, knowing that he was in quite a good place today so he wasn’t too likely to do anything silly with his razor. I found Phil in the kitchen, where he was putting away the dishes from making Adam’s birthday cake earlier in the day.

“I’ve been talking to Ethan,” I explained, “And I’m proposing that we give him and Adam some time alone here later. We can drop them off and then go to the cinema or visit your parents or something?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Phil had agreed, “Which would you like to do?”

“Well you haven’t seen your parents in a while, so about we go see them,” I had suggested, knowing that they meant a lot to Phil and he was probably missing them.

Phil was pleased at this, at immediately phoned to check that his parents would be in later. They would be, so he kept the phone call short, with the promise we would be round later to talk in person.

I returned to the bathroom to find that Ethan had finished shaving and was now drying his face. When he lifted his face out of the towel, I knew he’d been fine alone, as he still looked cheerful, excited for our meal out.

Once we were all ready, we put on our coats and headed down to the car. The restaurant was a little further than Phil’s work, but still not too far away. We got taken to our table immediately when we arrived; booking earlier in the day had given us an advantage. Phil and I sat at one side of the table and Adam and Ethan sat at the other. I didn’t know what was standard practice for two couples having a dinner date of sorts, but it seemed like a comfortable arrangement.

Phil was pleased to find that the menu was marked out with dairy free options, meaning he had no need to ask. He picked out a tomato based pasta dish, Ethan and I both went for lasagne and Adam had what turned out to be a rather huge pizza.

Everyone was enjoying their food, myself included, but it got to a stage where I started to feel bad about eating it because of how good it tasted. To some, that might make no sense, but I knew there would be unhealthy things making it taste good and a small ball of anxiety was starting to grow in my chest as a result.

As I put my cutlery down, marking myself finished, Phil looked over at me in confusion. “But you’re enjoying it?” he questioned, probably puzzled to why I was stopping so soon.

“I know, but I’m starting to feel anxious about eating any more, so I think it’s best for me to stop,” I explained.

“Okay,” Phil nodded understandingly, lightly patting me on the back, “You did a good job anyway. Well done.”

--

Phil’s POV:

Dan had left quite a bit of his lasagne, but he’d done well and I understood that he didn’t want to eat any more. It was no surprise to me that when the dessert menu came around, Dan didn’t even open it. He would eat biscuits and the odd little treat at home now, but even I was unsure he’d handle the richness of some of these puddings.

There wasn’t a big selection that I could actually eat; most of them were ice cream based, or contained cream or milk chocolate. My selection was limited to either lemon or orange sorbet, or dark chocolate and raspberry cake. I went for the lemon sorbet, despite part of me wanting the chocolate cake, I knew I wouldn’t have room for it after all that pasta.

Ethan and Adam had an ice cream sundae to share, the big brother of the one I had had the last time I was here. I was a little jealous of it, but I knew I would spend the evening regretting it if I had one myself.

Dan was watching us eat our desserts, his face expressionless, but I could tell there was anxiety and a tad of jealousy hidden behind the mask. I knew from past occasions, that he wished he could eat desserts with no regrets, but he still wasn’t in the right place to manage that. I wasn’t too concerned about the mild anxiety symptoms he was showing, until he got up to go to the bathroom.

“I’m just going to the bathroom,” Dan had told me, wringing his hands together anxiously.

Instead of just saying ‘okay’ like would be normal, I froze, my subconscious telling me to go with him. I thought about it for a couple of seconds and decided that no, I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to show Dan I did trust him and let him go by himself, but I would ask him if he was feeling okay first.

“Are you feeling okay?” I asked softly, giving him a knowing look that would tell him I knew he was feeling a bit anxious.

Nodding, Dan replied, “I just need to get out of here for a couple of minutes and splash some water on my face.”

“Okay,” I said, letting him go, “You go do that, but let me know if you need me.”

Dan still wasn’t back by the time we had finished our desserts, which was starting to get me worried. It must’ve been about ten minutes, maybe even fifteen. I knew he hadn’t been making himself sick, but he could be having an anxiety attack for all I knew. I decided to go and check he was okay.

I found Dan sitting on the counter by the sinks, doing some very focused breathing.

“Dan,” I said, softly, trying not to startle him, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just needed away from all the food for a couple minutes,” Dan explained, “I was feeling a bit anxious.”

“You’ve been here nearly fifteen minutes,” I informed him, “Nothing wrong with that, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dan nodded, “Honestly.”

“I believe you,” I told him, gently testing the waters of his okayness by gently squeezing his upper arm.

When Dan just leaned into me, I took that as permission to give him a hug. I brought my arms around him, but loosely enough that he’d still have space to breathe.

“We’re done now, so do you want to come back?” I asked him.

“Okay,” Dan nodded, resting his head against my stomach.

I gave Dan a hand up, then took his hand as we headed out the toilets.

“Did you take your medication?” I asked him casually as we made our way back to the table.

“No, it’s in my coat,” Dan said, shaking his head.

“Do you think you should take it?” I asked; although I was pretty sure the answer would be no, I wanted to make sure.

“No I think I’m good,” Dan said, “I would’ve texted you if I needed it.”

“Okay, good,” I nodded, “I’m glad you’re okay. We’ll get the bill and then we’ll head.”

It took me a few minutes to catch the eye of a waiter, despite being one myself, I hadn’t really got any better at this. Dan paid, insisting that he should be the one doing it as it was his brother’s birthday. We both knew though, that at the end of the day, it wouldn’t make any difference because we shared everything, money included.

When the bill was paid, the four of us, filled with food, headed out to the car. I drove back to the flat, where Dan passed his key over to Adam to let them get in without us.

“We won’t be back before eleven,” I told them, wanting to give them the assurance that we wouldn’t be invading their privacy too soon, “So that gives you nearly three hours to yourselves.”

“Thanks,” Adam said, both of them with a genuine smile on their faces.

Dan and I hovered for a minute in the carpark, to make sure they had got into the building okay, then I drove us to my parents house. My mum greeted us both with big hugs, then took us through to the living room where we said hello to my dad.

My mum quickly disappeared into the kitchen, which didn’t surprise me. She was probably trying to be hospitable; I think the need to make sure that everyone was sufficiently fed and watered was something that ran in the blood.

She arrived back with a tray of four steaming mugs, laying it down on the coffee table. Her hand resting on the milk jug, she looked over at Dan, “Dan, how do you take your coffee again?”

“Uhhh...” Dan hesitated, clearly put off by her presumptuousness, “I can’t have coffee.”

“Oh gosh, sorry, I’d forgotten,” my mum said quickly, clearly horrified at her mistake, “Would you like some tea instead?”

“That’d be good thanks,” Dan said, with a timid smile.

My mum passed out coffees to my dad and I, then headed back to the kitchen, letting Dan know that she’d just be two minutes with his tea. When everyone was settled with their hot drinks, we had a nice conversation. It wasn’t about anything in particular, but it was nice to just chat and catch up with each other. Everyone was very relaxed and even Dan seemed quite at home.

Eventually, my dad kept falling asleep and I was starting to feel tired too. Dan looked on the brink of nodding off, so I knew that was our signal to go. It had passed eleven, so we had given the boys the promised time alone.

I waited for an appropriate gap in the conversation, then interjected with an, “I think we should get going soon.”

It was a few minutes before this took effect, but eventually we managed to get out of our seats and to the front door, with my mum attempting to keep us longer. Before we left, we received even tighter hugs than those we had on arrival, my mum telling us that she missed us and wanted to see both of us more often. I’d be lying if I said that hadn’t brought a few tears to my eyes, and I knew as we headed back to the car that I needed to make more effort to keep in touch with my family.

I let Dan drive us home, taking a few minutes to dry my eyes and put a reminder in my phone to organise to meet up with my parents more often. I used to meet up with them for coffee quite often, but I had fallen out of the habit recently.

When we got back to our flat, we paid careful attention to being quiet, in case Adam and Ethan were asleep already. The door to their room was shut and we couldn’t hear anything, so they probably were.

Dan and I got ready for bed, but didn’t go to sleep immediately, making the most of a little alone time first. We didn’t do anything especially sexual, unless you counted removing our pyjamas to cuddle that little bit closer. I wasn’t generally the biggest fan of sleeping naked, but I knew Dan often craved that physical contact and I was feeling quite open to it tonight.

With Dan snuggled right up against me, I felt content, starting to understand slightly why he loved this so much. This nakedness was intimate, but not inherently sexual. I was used to only being this close to him in the heat of the moment, but I felt like this brought us that little bit closer. I knew Dan was putting a lot of trust in me to be with me like this, given his body confidence issues, so it meant a lot.

“You’re so beautiful,” I mumbled to him, wanting to let him know I felt that way, even if his insecurities aren't making themselves known at the moment.

“Thanks,” Dan mumbled, “And you are too. Thank you so much for doing this… Being this close makes me so…”

Dan trailed off, sounding a bit choked up.

“Emotional?” I finished for him, bringing my arms a bit tighter around him for a bit of support.

“I was gonna say happy, but yeah,” he mumbled.

Used to Dan’s occasional sporadic tears, I held him close until he regained control of his emotions. We relaxed after that, making the mutual agreement that now we would go to sleep. For once, I didn’t let the exposure bother me. With Dan by my side and a duvet as protection, I could do anything.

--

Dan’s POV:

In the morning, it took Phil a minute or two to decide whether to put on pyjamas or clothes. In the end, he followed my lead and went for something in between. We weren’t planning much today so it wouldn’t matter. The two us headed to the kitchen to have breakfast; we made no effort to be quiet, but we didn’t go to wake Adam and Ethan up, knowing they might need some privacy.

We’d finished eating, but remained at the table chatting and finishing our drinks, when Adam walked in. He was in his boxers, which made both of us do a double take, as he normally wore pyjamas. He definitely looked like he’d had sex last night, and was in need of a shower.

“Uhh… Dan, could I speak to you for a minute?” he asked, looking a little unsure of himself, “In private.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said, getting to my feet, “Let’s go to the office.”

I guided Adam into the office, in front of me and shut the door behind us. Adam took a seat on the desk chair and took a moment to collect himself before speaking to me. I knew what was coming, but I wanted him to be able to talk about it in the way he wanted to.

“Dan… we… Ethan and I did it last night…” he said, stumbling over his words slightly and turning a bit pink.

“I guessed… You look a bit dishevelled,” I chuckled, “How was it?”

“Good, really good, it's just he’s a bit sore and I wanted to ask what’s the best thing to do, like paracetamol or something?” Adam asked, sounding quite relieved to have got this off his chest.

“That’ll help, yeah,” I nodded, “Also, a little massage could help. You don’t need to be an expert; just get him to tell you what feels good. A bath is always a good shout; eases any pain and gets you both relaxed and cleaned up.”

“Umm, but it's just a shower in the bathroom?” Adam said, looking a tad confused.

“Oh gosh, so it is…” I said, realising that the bath was in mine and Phil’s ensuite. “Ahh… give me five minutes and I’ll go and get Phil and I’s bath sorted out.”

Adam started to reply, “You don’t need to...”

“Special treat, as it’s both of your first times,” I cut him off, “I’ll run the water in for you, but I won’t put any bubbles in, you should check those with Ethan first.”

“Thanks,” Adam said, a grateful smile growing on his face.

“If he’s still feeling a bit sore after the bath, we’ll give him some ibuprofen with his breakfast,” I suggested, “Make sure you communicate about that and one of you let me know.”

“Okay,” Adam nodded.

“Right, I’ll go and get Phil and we’ll make sure the bathroom is tidy,” I told him, “Go get your towels and clothes and whatever you need.”

Adam and I parted ways; I returned to the kitchen to let Phil know what was happening, “You want to help me tidy our bathroom? Ethan’s a bit sore so I’ve offered them use of the bath.”

“Yeah sure,” Phil said, getting to his feet, “They did it then?”

“Yup,” I nodded, as we walked along to our room, “It was kinda obvious from how Adam looked, but he wanted to let me know and well… ask about aftercare.”

Phil gave the bath a little clean, making sure the it was free from any hairs or dirt. I put away medicines and toiletries that had gotten spread across the bathroom. I knew we wouldn’t need to worry about Ethan doing anything with Adam around, but I wanted the place to be tidy for them.

When the two minute tidy and clean was done, I started some water running into the bath and sent Phil to let them know it was ready. Adam and Ethan arrived a minute later, Ethan walking a little finny and Adam carrying their towels and clothes.

“There’s nothing in there at the moment,” I said, gesturing to the bath, “I don’t want Ethan having an allergic reaction again, but you can have a look through our bath bombs and bubble baths and see if there’s anything suitable.”

I opened up the drawer of bubble bath and bath bombs and invited them to take a look through it, “I’ll leave you to it now. Hopefully this should help.”

Phil and I left them in peace, retreating to the living room to give them space.

“They looked happy,” Phil commented, “Maybe a little tired, but happy.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I think that’ll be good for them, to finally have that level of intimacy. You know that was a big step in our relationship. I know we’ve had different issues to get around than they have, but it brought us so much closer and I think that’s what they need right now.”

“And I’m glad we gave them the time alone last night,” Phil added, “Like they’re going to be navigating around your parents soon, so I’m glad they got this chance otherwise it might have been a lot more difficult for them.”

“I’m going to speak to my parents when we take them down,” I told Phil, “Not too much detail, but just to let them know that Adam and Ethan are sexually active. I think it's better that they’re aware, so they make sure to knock before they enter and all that.”

“Mmm,” Phil nodded, agreeing, “I hope they don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“I’ll make sure they don’t,” I said firmly, “I’ll make that explicitly clear to them, that I don’t want them being unnecessarily nosy or prying into what's private. They wouldn’t like Adam or I trying to find out details about their sex life, so hopefully they’ll understand.”

--

Eventually, Adam and Ethan emerged from our bathroom, looking all cosy and pink in the face, dressed in comfortable clothes. Phil encouraged them to help themselves to breakfast and after a nod from Adam, I looked Ethan out some ibuprofen.

When they were finished and had their dishes put away, Adam came over to the sofas with a question for me and Phil, “So, umm, could one of you maybe show me how the washing machine works?”

“Yeah, of course,” Phil said, getting up, “Go and get what all you want to wash and meet me there.”

I watched as Adam and Ethan disappeared to their room, then a minute or two later, reappeared with their arms bundled with sheets. They joined Phil in the kitchen, over by the washing machine. I couldn’t see what was going on from where I was sitting, but I listened to Phil’s little washing machine tutorial.

“So we’ll turn the knob to this mixed load option. That’s always a reasonable choice. We’re gonna press this to turn the spin speed down a little, otherwise it shakes to much and probably annoys the downstairs neighbours… and we usually do aqua plus to make sure everything is rinsed properly… so Ethan, that’s probably a good idea for you with your skin being sensitive to some soaps.”

I heard the washing machine rumble to a start, then a couple of moments later, the three of them emerged from the kitchen. Phil had one thing to say on the topic of washing, “Now, I’m hoping you’ll remember how to do all of that. If you feel your sheets need washed, you can just wash them… and Adam, hopefully your mum’s washing machine is similar, because you guys might be wanting to wash them yourself, rather than letting your mum discover… uhh certain substances.”

I laughed at Phil’s awkwardness to lighten the mood, “Yeah and I’m sure mum’ll appreciate you taking that job off her hands.”

Phil looked out some clean sheets for them to put on the bed, as the ones in the wash might not be dry in time. Making up the bed became another task that Adam and Ethan took on together, but then they never really left each other's’ sides. The morning turned to afternoon and the day continued to pass fairly uneventfully. Ethan and Adam had taken up playing video games on our various consoles, Phil was working on his application for cooking school and I to and fro-ed between Phil and doing some tidying and cleaning.

It was later in the afternoon, when Ethan came to me for a bit of advice. Adam had gone to the bathroom and Ethan took this an opportunity to come and see me for more painkillers. He came into the office, where I was sitting with Phil. Ethan wasn’t bothered by Phil’s presence and openly let me know that he was feeling a bit sore again.

“What kind of pain?” I asked softly, “Stinging? Or sore muscles down there?”

“Sore muscles,” Ethan nodded.

“Yeah, they won’t be used to that action, but they’ll get used to it in time,” I nodded, understanding what he was feeling. “Wait here and I’ll go and get you some more ibuprofen.”

I went to the kitchen and returned with ibuprofen, a snack and some water. I knew he wouldn’t have an empty stomach, but I would still rather he took them with something to eat. Ethan ate the snack, then swallowed the pills like a pro. Prescription medication got you used to pill swallowing eventually. At first, when I started antidepressants for anxiety, I struggled a lot with swallowing the pills. It didn’t help that my gag reflex was so sensitive. However, the only time that inability to swallow pills bothered me now was when I was mid-anxiety attack.

“Maybe go and lay down on your front for a bit” I suggested to Ethan, lightly patting his back, “And let one of us know if you need anything else?”

“Okay, I’ll go do that,” Ethan nodded, “Uhh... though could you maybe come with me until Adam’s out the bathroom?”

“Yeah, sure,” I said, getting up and following him through to his room.

I didn’t comment on Ethan’s request, but he clearly wasn’t comfortable being alone with himself at the moment. He wasn’t particularly showing any major signs of his depression at the moment, but with it being a mental illness, it didn’t show all that much. There were little telltale signs he was feeling down, like his slight trembling when he moved and the lack of a smile in his eyes.

He laid down on the bed and let out a sigh. I took this acknowledgement of his as a sign I could ask him how he was doing.

“Something wrong?” I asked softly, not wanting to put him on edge.

“Not really, just feeling a bit low,” he told me, “It’s hard to explain, I just don’t feel happy right now and I’m kinda tired. I know I should be happy because Adam and I had such a good time last night, and don’t get me wrong, I’m happy about that… but I’m just not happy in general… and it’s not that I’m incredibly unhappy, I’m just not happy enough to count as happy.”

“I think I kinda get where you’re coming from,” I nodded, trying to be understanding. I got a bit of what he was saying, but couldn’t fully understand, “Lie down and get some rest and even if you still feel tired afterwards, you’ll at least have the comfort of knowing it was good for you.”

“Mmm,” Ethan nodded, sitting down on the bed, then laying down and rolling over onto his front.

Adam came back a minute or two later and I briefly explained to him what was happening, “He was feeling a bit sore again so I’ve given him some more ibuprofen and I’ve suggested he lays down on his front for a bit. D’you maybe want to stay with him?”

“Yeah of course,” Adam nodded, getting up onto the bed and sitting next to Adam, resting a hand on his back.

“Yeah, I uhh… I’d kinda like some company,” Ethan told him, “I’m feeling a bit low at the moment.”

“I get you,” Adam nodded, “It’s not awful, but I’m feeling it too.”

“I’ll leave you guys alone, but Phil and I are just next door if you need anything,” I told them, wanting to assure them that there was support if each other wasn’t enough.

--

When I went to get the two of them for dinner, I found that Ethan was fast asleep and Adam was lying next to him, looking deep in thought.

“Dinner’s ready,” I told Adam quietly, “What are you thinking about?”

“School,” Adam responded quietly.

“Are you worried about what you’re missing?” I asked, knowing that could be something that was bothering him.

“Yeah, like I’ve missed quite a bit this year. I keep thinking I’ve caught up and then I find there’s things I don’t know and I’m missing more at the moment…” Adam explained, trailing off when he ran out of thoughts to explain.

“I think mum said she’d asked the school to keep track of it at the moment?” I said, wanting to confirm this with him.

“Yeah, she has, so that’ll help a lot, but it’s still going to be a lot for me to catch up on,” Adam explained.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “It’s probably not much consolation, but I believe in you. You’re generally good at getting over these sorts of hurdles.”

“Thanks,” Adam mumbled, sounding unconvinced.

“And I don’t know how much help he’ll be, but Ethan did AS Maths and English last year,” I reminded him, “He might be able to help you with some of it, especially as he’s not going to have any school work to worry about until September.”

“That’s a good point,” Adam nodded, looking slightly more cheerful, “I’ll ask him about that.”

“D’you want to wake him up and then come through for dinner?” I said, getting back to why I had come to speak to him in the first place.

“Okay, we’ll be through in a minute or two,” Adam said, turning to gently shake Ethan to start waking him up.

I left them to it and returned to the kitchen, where Phil was finishing plating up the food. I would’ve helped him to carry them through, but he required no such help with his waiter’s ability to carry four plates at once. Instead I started making ribena, knowing that everyone would be happy enough to have that to drink.

Phil and I sat down and were about to get started eating when Adam and Ethan emerged from their room and walked down the hallway towards us. Ethan looked very tired, but to be honest I expected that.

Ethan looked quite glum as he joined us at the table and I could see that Adam was being overtly loving towards him. After a moment or two, Adam gave us the explanation I was looking for.

“His depression kinda hit him in his sleep,” Adam explained, along with a slow nod from Ethan.

“Ahh,” I nodded, then directing a question at Ethan, “You feeling up to eating?”

“Kind of?” Ethan, said, sounding a little unsure, “I’ll certainly have some of it.”

“Okay,” I nodded, finishing that conversation there as I sensed he wasn’t really up for speaking or being spoken to.

--

Ethan and Adam had an early night, or rather they spent most of the evening cuddling in bed, because Ethan wasn’t feeling up to doing anything else. I discovered their cuddling when I went to ask Ethan a question from my mum. Some form she was filling in for him required his mother’s maiden name and that didn’t happen to be a piece of information that I knew about him. I found that they were both shirtless and under the duvet; in fact, they could’ve been completely naked but I didn’t need to know the answer to that. Ethan was wrapped in a rather loving embrace from Adam and he looked quite peaceful. He still looked tired and a bit down, but I think relaxing was taking the edge off it.

After finding out the answer to the question, I engaged in a little small talk, “Ethan, are you feeling a bit better now?”

“Mentally or physically?” he asked in response.

“How about both?” I prompted, really just wanting to know how he was feeling in general.

“Physically, yes. I've been relaxing and I think the muscle pain has gone now. Mentally, a little bit. Its helping me to have Adam here, to be this close to him, I feel less alone,” Ethan explained, shivering a little and snuggling a little deeper into Adam’s chest.

“Disadvantage of being shirtless is it can be a bit chilly,” Adam commented, rubbing his hand up and down Ethan’s chest.

Realising it was probably a bit far away for either of them to reach without ruining their cuddling, I grabbed the blanket at the end of the bed and passed it over to Adam, “I’ll leave you guys to it.”

“Dan, it's not as if we're gonna be doing anything?” Adam said, groaning.

“Yeah, but if I was sixteen and naked cuddling, I would be,” I said, laughing at Adam’s reaction.

“Dan, we're not naked,” Adam said, pulling duvet aside for a moment to reveal they did have pyjamas on further down, “We're keeping these on tonight. Ethan needs to rest.”

“I know, I know,” I laughed, “I’m just fulfilling my role as your brother and being a bit of a tease. Anyway, I will leave to it now, leave you to cuddle in peace. I’d better go and text Mum back before I forget.”

--

Later in the evening, when Phil and I eventually headed to bed, I approached him while he was getting changed and asked him if he was willing to sleep naked again.

“Umm not today,”Phil responded, a bit hesitantly, “Like I kinda liked it, but I'm not sure I'm in the mood tonight. How about a bath instead?”

I agreed to that, because that got me similarly close to Phil, gave me some of the skin contact I was craving, without him feeling uncomfortable. I knew Phil liked bathing together as much as I did, so that was a plus. Phil ran the bath and popped the bathbomb in, and when it was ready, we got in. As usual we had quite a relaxing time and I knew that even though I didn’t struggle too much with sleeping, this would let me sleep easier.

We put on pyjamas when we got out, or rather Phil put on pyjamas and I just put on the bottom half. Tonight I just felt like being close to Phil and I knew that extra couple of millimeters wouldn’t really make a difference, but it would in my heart.

As we cuddled in bed, Phil’s hands started to roam around my chest, but in a soft, caressing way, rather than anything sexual. I relaxed further into his touch and it briefly crossed my mind how just six months ago, having anyone near my bare stomach would have filled me with anxiety.

“I’m so much more comfortable with my stomach now and I’m happy about that,” I commented to Phil.

“I’m so proud of you, Dan,” Phil mumbled back, then took a breath and decided to continue, “I remember when we met it was such a big step for you to let me anywhere near your stomach. You’ve come so far since then. You’re so much healthier, so much stronger. Okay, you still suffer from anxiety, but you’re even doing better with that now. I can tell you’re much more comfortable with your body, and not just around me - you hold yourself with so much more confidence now. I’ve cared for you since even before I met you, but I remember that first night we got fully intimate and how many confessions of love we shared. Dan, I know it's only a formality and this is really spur of the moment but I love you so much, will you marry me?”

I was rendered almost speechless by how quickly Phil’s little exclamation of pride had turned into a life changing speech. I managed to choke out a ‘yes’, before burying my face in the crook of Phil’s neck and starting to cry with how overwhelmed I was. Phil brought his arms and legs firmly around me and held me until I managed to regain a little control. He began to kiss me, despite the tears still rolling down my cheeks. We both knew they were happy tears, and in that moment all we wanted to do was seal the deal with a kiss.

When we eventually broke apart, both our lips a little sensitive from the kissing, we settled into a more relaxed embrace. I focused myself on my breathing, both a little overwhelmed with excitement and a little out of breath. Phil must’ve realised what I was doing, as he slowly rubbed his hand up and down my back, in time with my breaths.

After a while, I finally trusted myself to speak, “I guess we have some planning to do now.”

“Yup,” Phil laughed, “But let’s not worry about that just yet. How about we enjoy being engaged for a little while first?”

--

When Phil and I had climbed into bed after a long, relaxing bath, I would never have expected the night to go this way, but soon it became one full of passion as we embarked upon a journey of love-making.

It wasn’t lustful in the slightest; it wasn’t focused on reaching a high as fast as possible. Instead, Phil and I went from slow grinding into gradual stretching, then I took Phil slowly as I adjusted to his size. It had been a while, but I think that only added to the meaning. It was relaxed but filled with such intense sensation that I was left shaking in Phil’s arms as he grabbed some wipes from his bedside drawer to clean us up.

“Sweet dreams, fiancé,” Phil said to me as we finally settled down and succumbed to sleep.

--

The next day, Phil and I went ring shopping. Neither of us were bothered that we hadn’t done it in the traditional way of Phil proposing with a ring. While in a lot of heterosexual couples, the man might go without an engagement ring, we both agreed that we’d like to have matching rings. After a lot of discussion and comparing different rings, we eventually settled on a plain one, a simple white gold band without any jewels. We would get them engraved on the inside as a little personal detail, but we didn’t need anything flashy. Although they were expensive, they weren’t extortionate and Phil and I were able to afford them out of our savings.

It took a couple of days to get the rings engraved, so waited until we had them to let our parents know. Phil and I exchanged our rings, then got Ethan to act as our photographer and take few photos. We’d been hesitant to stage a kiss right in front of him at first, but Ethan got quite into the role of photographer and eventually suggested this. We were quite glad he did in the end, because the photo we selected was one of our clasped hands with the rings in the foreground, with a shallow depth of field leaving Dan and I kissing slightly blurred in the background. We both sent this to our parents, captionless. They would get the message.

Next Chapter =>

[artificialqueens]

Dearest memories ch. 2 (Shalaska) -Dustyrose

A/N: Hiiee! I’m back with dearest memories. I don’t know would you like me to continue writing it but here’s the second part where things really happen. If you haven’t read the first part, you can find it through the tags. As always my chilly little heart would appreciate feedback, thank you for everything <3 

Summary: Sharon and Alaska were best friends in high school but their friendship ended in a way neither of them wanted. One night they accidentally meet again and it happens to be just when Alaska needs Sharon the most.

TW: cursing and alcohol 

Flashback: It had been weeks and there was no sight of Sharon. Alaska was getting ready for her cheerleading practice and was late for the fourth time in two weeks. She was all alone in the changing room and all she could think about was Sharon. Alaska changed her clothes, missing Sharon’s gentle touch and thinking about her beautiful plum lips. She missed her, truthfully and painfully missed her. There were cold tears running down her cheeks slowly and suddenly she heard a familiar voice echoing to the room.

“No you fuck off,” Sharon yelled in the hallway, “fucking idiots.”

Alaska immediately ran to the hallway and locked her eyes with Sharon. It wasn’t like her Sharon, her Sharon was happy and healthy. Her Sharon sure had a grunge look but her Sharon didn’t look as messed up as this one.

“Sharon,” Alaska whispered barely making a sound. It was weird for her to call Sharon by her first name because they usually stuck with the nicknames and that’s why it probably caught Sharon’s attention the way it did.

Sharon stumbled towards Alaska and saw that she had tears in her eyes. “Alaskaaa, what are you crying for? Did a boy dump you again?” Sharon slurred and laughed sarcastically. Sharon was extremely drunk and looked like a living skeleton. Alaska didn’t even mind Sharon’s inappropriate question, she was too busy being worried about her. She has never seen Sharon in this kind of condition before. 

“Sharon, honey, you’re drunk and I’ll help you home,” Alaska spoke softly and wanted to help Sharon in any way possible. “Come on now, let’s go!” Alaska wrapped her arm around Sharon’s waist and tried to guide her out of the school. She knew that was the last place where Sharon should be.

“You can’t tell me what to do, fuck, you don’t even care!” Sharon screamed furiously while trying to get Alaska’s hands off of her.

“No please don’t do this… I care about you. You know I love you,” Alaska said and meant every word. It was obvious that Sharon wouldn’t remember much about their conversation tomorrow and if she would, she’d blame it on the alcohol.

“Yeah right,” Sharon said and rolled her eyes. Sharon tried to leave but Alaska took her by her wrist and pulled Sharon closer to her.

“You’re not going, I’m not letting you go,” Alaska spoke sternly, keeping the eye contact with Sharon. Sharon looked at Alaska with her own teary eyes but suddenly her soft expression switched to aggression.

“Well you better let go! You have your new friends and boyfriends so you can just leave me alone,” Sharon screamed, pushed Alaska to get away from her and walked out, slamming the door behind her.

Alaska felled to the ground and cried out. She felt like her whole body lost all the strength to get up and move on with her life. She lost Sharon again and this time it felt like it was going to be forever. ….

“Yes, I’ll stay for the night,” Alaska smiled and Sharon was clearly pleased with the answer.

Alaska knew. She knew, she probably should’ve said no and just leave but Sharon was the only thing making her feel something real. Sharon guided Alaska to a guest bedroom which was bigger and fancier than Alaska and Jack’s bedroom. Alaska brushed her fingertips through the silky sheets and admired the view once more. The room didn’t really have any personality, it looked more like a hotel room or something that was decorated straight from the picture of a design magazine. But it was still more than enough for Alaska.

“Ummm.. do you have a shirt or something I can borrow? This dress is really beautiful but not as comfortable as you would think,” Alaska asked and laughed slightly.

“Sure, I think I have the perfect one,” Sharon said and smiled widely. Sharon left the guest bedroom and Alaska couldn’t help but stare at Sharon’s wide hips swaying as she walked away. Sharon came back and was holding a black t-shirt in her hands and showed it to Alaska. The shirt was just a plain black t-shirt but it had a white text on it that said “Elvira for president.”

“What do you think?” Sharon winked.

“I absolutely love it,” Alaska said and took the shirt from Sharon, “You’re never getting it back.” Alaska admired the soft t-shirt and wanted to get rid off her tight dress and get a long warm shower.

“You can use the shower if you want,” Sharon said like she was reading Alaska’s mind.

“Yes please, can you help me with the zipper?” Alaska asked sweetly and something about the situation felt familiar but Alaska couldn’t remember or didn’t know what. Sharon nodded and walked slowly behind Alaska. She moved Alaska’s hair to her shoulder carefully and gently placed her hands on her shoulders, Sharon’s fingers found the zipper and moved the zipper down slowly. Sharon admired Alaska’s bare back and brushed her fingers across Alaska’s soft skin. Alaska moaned to the touch but quickly changed it to a yawn.

“Thank you, it’s getting really late so I’ll shower quickly and probably go straight to bed,” Alaska said, she didn’t want to seem as frantic as she actually was.

“Sounds like a plan, goodnight Lasky,” Sharon giggled nervously and pulled Alaska into a tight hug.

“Goodnight,” Alaska answered and didn’t know what got into her but she gave Sharon a small peck on her cheek. Sharon didn’t react much because she probably thought it was just a friendly gesture on Alaska’s behalf and it was, at least that’s what Alaska kept telling herself.

“I have to leave really early for work tomorrow and I don’t know when we’ll meet again but it was nice to see you after…you know. Anyways here’s my business card, it has the address of my office and my phone number so let’s stay in touch, shall we?” Sharon said almost in a seductive manner and Alaska was beaming. She really wanted to see Sharon again and she was happy to know Sharon wanted to see her too.

“Thanks, I’ll give you a call,” Alaska smiled and went to the bathroom. She stripped from her dress and went in to the shower. The warm water running across Alaska’s body let her imagination take over her. She couldn’t stop thinking about Sharon’s gentle touch, the smell of her expensive perfume mixed with the smell of the cheapest cigarettes money can buy and her full lips that Alaska would like to kiss roughly while playing with Sharon’s black curls. Alaska finished showering and changed in to the t-shirt Sharon gave her. She tiptoed to the guest bedroom and climbed to the bed. She imagined Sharon laying next to her and leaving soft kisses to her neck while whispering sweet things to her ear. … Alaska woke up the morning after and it took awhile for her to remember everything that happened the previous night. She checked the time and it was already 11 am, thank god it was Sunday so Alaska didn’t have to go to the bank. She tried to shout for Sharon but remebered that she was working that day. She must be insane, Alaska thought and got up from the bed. She found her way in to the kitchen and took a bottle of water from Sharon’s fridge. Alaska walked around Sharon’s appartment and suddenly remembered, Jack. Alaska has never runned anywhere as fast as she ran back to the guest bedroom. She changed into the dress she wore the previous night but kept the t-shirt on because she couldn’t close the zipper all by herself. She walked outside and desperately tried to call a taxi. When she finally got into one, she told her address and offered to pay a little extra if the driver would drive as fast as he could. Every minute, god, every second with Jack was crucial. When Alaska finally arrived in front of their house, she didn’t feel like rushing anymore. She wanted to stay in the taxi and let the ground swallow her as a whole but she eventually got up and walked in front of their front door. She stared at their last names in the mail box and wanted the other one gone or at least have a different name next to hers. Alaska’s cold hands found her keys and she stepped inside the house. She stood in the silence for awhile breathing in the thick air.

“Jack?” She finally spoke. Jack heard Alaska and came downstairs. He looked angry, he didn’t look worried or sad, he was angry. Alaska thought she has to stay calm and not let the fear take over her.

“Hi,” Alaska said softly, she didn’t find the right words. She knew Jack would be upset and maybe he has the right to be.

“Where the fuck have you been? I’ve tried to call you but you’ve ignored my calls. Have you been with another man? You have been with another man, that’s what it is!” Jack yelled selfishly and threw his hands aggressively in the air.

“Don’t be silly Jack, I was with an old friend,” Alaska tried to remain calm, she knew yelling wouldn’t make the situation any better. She didn’t have to lie because honestly nothing happened but the things she wanted to happen… well she definitely shouldn’t mention those.

“Who is this ‘old friend’? And why did you spend the night with him?” Jack was starting to become more and more impatient with Alaska. Alaska was afraid that he would completely snap because that has unfortunately happened before.

“HER name is Sharon and she was one of my best friends in high school. I didn’t answer the phone because my battery died and I happened to bump into Sharon and she kindly helped me,” Alaska said simply and calmly. Jack calmed down a bit after hearing Alaska spent the night with a woman.

“Well okay whatever..I’m just happy that you’re alive,” Jack said coldly and pressed his hard lips to Alaska’s forehead with a full force. Everything about the kiss felt wrong. It wasn’t soft or loving, it was distant and didn’t feel right. Alaska knows how it should feel, she has once experienced it.

“You could invite this Sharon for dinner as a thank you and also it would be nice to meet your high school friends,” Jack suggested almost suspiciously. Alaska didn’t feel like that would be a good idea but played along. She didn’t want to give him any reason to think she’s been unloyal.

“Yeah that would be nice but Sharon is a business woman these days so she’s very busy and probably doesn’t have much time for dinner parties.”

“You can still ask her, right?” Jack smiled and seemed to forgot the whole situation before.

“Of course! I completely forgot I have a special meeting tonight at the bank so I have to get ready but I promise I won’t be gone the whole night,” Alaska laughed nervously and gave Jack a small peck to his rough cheek. The truth is, there’s no meeting. There’s only Alaska and her will to get out of the house. She needs to get out and she needs to find Sharon.

“Umm honey.. don’t take this the wrong way but you should probably throw the shirt away, it doesn’t really suit your style and I don’t want to give out the wrong kind of image to our neighbors,” Jack pointed out Alaska’s Elvira shirt but there’s no way she’s throwing it away.

“You’re probably right,” Alaska nodded. Alaska went upstairs and changed her clothes. She brushed her hair carefully and applied some makeup. She was ready to go. She drove to the address that was in Sharon’s business card. She could’ve called, actually she probably should’ve called but she needed to see Sharon and she wasn’t apologizing for it. The office was in a tall building and that’s when Alaska discovered that Sharon owned her own advertising company. She saw a woman in the reception and she had a name tag that said ‘Katya Zamolodchikova’ and Alaska thought she must know Sharon because the address in the business card matched with the place.

“Hello umm.. Is Sharon here?” Alaska asked, she probably should’ve been more official but it did the job since the woman in front of her smiled understandingly.

“Yes, I’m actually ms. Needles’ assistant, do you have a meeting with her?” Katya said in a thick Russian accent but still had a wide grin on her face.

“Not exactly but I need to see her,” Alaska answered.

“Well ms. Needles is in her office so I can ask if she has time to meet you, can I have your name please?” Katya asked.

“Alaska, just say Alaska,” Alaska smiled and waited anxiously for the response. What if she dreamed everything that happened yesterday or what if Sharon doesn’t want to see her. Katya walked into the office that had big blurry glass doors and a sign with Sharon’s name on it.

“Yes, Sharon will gladly see you now,” Katya spoke when she walked out of Sharon’s office.

When Alaska entered the room, she saw Sharon and she was even more beautiful than she remembered. Sharon’s long hair was in a tight ponytail, she had catty glasses on and a tight skirt that was tight around all the right places and a blouse that had almost every top button open. Alaska couldn’t stop staring at Sharon’s cleavage and then she realized how long she stood there without saying a word and finally broke the silence.

“I just wanted to say thank you,” god Alaska felt like such a desperate idiot, there would’ve been million better ways to explain why she came.

“No problem, always a pleasure,” Sharon said calmly and something about her authority made Alaska wet between her thighs. Sharon closed her laptop and crossed her legs slowly, keeping an eye contact with Alaska.

“No really, thank you,” Alaska said flirtatiously and walked in front of Sharon’s desk. She didn’t know what went into her but she desperately wanted to make Sharon feel good. Sharon stood up from her chair and walked in front of Alaska. Alaska could feel Sharon’s warm presence in front of her and she felt goosebumps all over her body just by thinking of being touched by her. Sharon smirked and stroke Alaska’s hand lightly.

“You’ve always had such good manners,” Sharon said seriously and gave Alaska a wink while continuing to stroke her hand up and down Alaska’s arm. Alaska felt her knees getting weak and she couldn’t hold back any longer. Alaska felt the tension between them and even though she enjoyed it she couldn’t control herself anymore. She leaned in and gave Sharon soft kisses to both of her cheeks as if she was asking Sharon’s approval to kiss her. Sharon moved even closer and wrapped her hands around Alaska’s body and then she gave her a real kiss. Sharon’s soft lips kissed Alaska’s passionately making her moan for more. She wildly brushed her hand through Alaska’s hair and bit Alaska’s lower lip which made Alaska crazy. Sharon pulled away slightly and whispered,“It’s been awhile since we last did this.”

[sterwood]

so i'm just curious - are you finishing all of your reading? if so, how are you managing and if not, what strategies are you using to get the most out of the reading ?

I have been able to get through about 90% of it (some of the Deleuze stuff I haven’t been able to just because of the logistics of when he assigns it versus when class is). Part of the reason I’m able to get through it, honestly, is because of social isolation (lmao) since I’m in a foreign state/city and know next to no one. So there’s little distraction.

But I really just spend the majority of my time reading and taking notes. It’s exhausting, but I don’t know of a way to get through all of it otherwise. I have been reading in a cycle determined by what was due next (I have all the assignments for the semester, insofar as I know them, in a word file and I put a strike through things once I’m done with them) - so, like, I would read for Pragmatism, say, and then for my Hume and Berkeley class because I have that after, and then Deleuze, and if I finished with that then I would just back to Pragmatism in the hopes of getting ahead.

Now though, I’m running up against the problem of realizing that I need to read a lot of secondary sources for my classes for end-of-term papers, so now I’m trying to organize my days thematically. Today was devoted to Deleuze, tomorrow will be devoted to Hume & Berkeley, and Sunday will be devoted to Pragmatism. That way I can begin by reading assigned texts, then move on to any written assignments, and then focus on potential secondary sources and paper topics. We’ll see how this method pans out.

Further, there were two structuring principles, I guess I could call them, that I’ve used to get through the stuff. One was based on foresight: I knew what classes I was taking during the semester, and had some idea of what texts I was reading (I’m taking a class on Deleuze’s Foucault, so it was obvious that I would need to read that, along with The Archeology of Knowledge and Discipline and Punish, and the same for the Hume & Berkeley class - there’s only certain obvious texts that we were going to be pulling from) so I ended up reading as much of those as possible before the term even began. I also tried to get a sense of some of the scope and background information about the people I’m reading about before class, so reading them would go faster (that is, so I wouldn’t have to get context, understand the structure/point of a text, and read them all at the same time).

The second principle would be a thematic one: I’ve been trying to group my readings around a certain figure (deleuze) or a single concept (empiricism). That way, in reading the texts I’m bouncing them off of each other and I’m able to use my secondary sources in multiple different ways at once.

Okay, in terms of how I actually read: I tend to treat my annotation less as a dialogue with the text (I don’t have a lot of marginal comments or anything), but more as a means of cutting through an argument to get its essential pieces (like cutting cards in debate, if you ever did that). I’m not going to full understanding, but functional understanding - I don’t have enough time for the latter. This saves me time on two fronts: 1) it saves me time for class, because prior to such I can just look over my underlined portions to get a sense of the main movements of the argument to know how to participate in class and 2) it saves me time during writings, because I’m not re-reading the whole text to get a sense of what to write about, but am trying (as much as possible) to stick just to the parts I carved out of the text. Again, this isn’t a good practice for thorough understanding, but it is a good one for establishing breadth. 

For doing this kind of ‘cutting’, I have a few major techniques. If the piece I want to cut out is around 4 or so lines long (I don’t always hold to that rule, sadly) then I will just underline it. With that underline, I will mark off important terms or phrases by putting them in parallelograms (just because I like those and they look fancier than just boxing them), or if I want to highlight a sentence or something in a longer phrase I will make multiple diagonal marks under the underlined text so it stands out more. If the piece is longer than 4 lines, I tend to put a curly bracket around the whole thing, starting at the line where the sentence began and ending at the line where it stops. This way I’m not spending a bunch of time underlining half a page (which would happen often in someone like Deleuze). Finally, since I ride the bus a lot, and it’s impossible to underline effectively while on there, I tend to put square brackets around sections of the text that I want to emphasize (like, “[...blah blah blah...]”), and then when I get to my destination and am somewhere a little less bumpy I can go through and underline all the parts that I had marked off. This gives me both the benefit of being able to use the time on the bus productively and allows me to read all the text a second time which helps with comprehension and memory.

I think that answers about....all of your questions? If you have more, feel free to ask. But as far as I can tell, I think that just about covers the whole of my techniques. Oh! I will say that I only mark things in pencil: I find marking books with pen is too much of a commitment, and I never understood using highlighters (it seems to cumbersome - I just separate types of ‘highlighting’ by using my pencil in different ways. That way, its still visually separated, but I don’t have to keep switching which writing utensil I’m using all the time. It keeps things consistent). I will also note quickly that one other thing I do sometimes is I’ll do paragraph summaries while reading a text (that way the argument really gets embedded in my head), but that’s only when I really have enough time to sit with the text, which has not been the case this semester.

[ponyregrets]

Accidental Sex Prompt: "You seem to think that oral won't feel good and I intend to prove you wrong" sex for bellarke obvs

AO3!

Bellamy does not understand how he gets into these conversations.

Or, rather, he doesn't understand how these conversations are happening around him, because he's not actually supposed to be involved. He's just hanging out, minding his own business, when Clarke is on the phone. Which happens surprisingly often, honestly. He thought that people in their generation weren't supposed to be into phone calls, but Clarke has an actual schedule set up where to phone her out-of-town college friends so they can discuss their lives, and Bellamy ends up listening in and occasionally offering his own commentary because he can't not, okay? He is very bad at keeping his mouth shut, and Clarke never seems to mind, so, really, it's fine.

But it does mean he hears a lot about how terrible her friend Harper's current boyfriend is, and how Monroe's periods really shouldn't be that painful and she should probably see a doctor, and how many dick pics women on dating apps get. None of which bothers him, of course, but he does sometimes feel like he's eavesdropping even though everyone involved knows about it. And he still feels a little weird offering his his opinions on how, no, this Murphy guy is not going to change and Harper should dump his ass, but Maya's boyfriend is probably just kind of absent-minded and seems like he'll respond well to feedback, if she think he's worth the effort.

Which is how he ends up in a conversation about cunnilingus.

"Hey, wait, no," Clarke is saying. She's talking Maya through yet another boyfriend thing, and he can't help finding it a little funny that she's somehow the relationship expert in the group. They've been living together for a year and she hasn't been on a single date that whole time. "Just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I'm an expert. Honestly, I've never done it before, I always thought it would be weird." When Bellamy raises his eyebrows, she says, "Oral."

"What kind of oral?" he asks.

"Any kind. Well, okay, I blew this guy in high school because it was high school and everyone just sort of expected you to give head, but nothing since then. I have a pretty strong gag reflex."

"If her boyfriend is saying she has to suck his dick, she should definitely dump him," he says.

"No, that's not it. He's eating her out and apparently bad at it. Of course I'm telling him!" she adds, to Maya. "Maybe he has some insight. If you want to get eaten out, you should get eaten out. I don't have to think it would be fun."

"Wait," he says, distracted from Maya's issue by her phrasing. "You're not just saying you've never eaten anyone out. No one's ever eaten you out either?"

"And based on what Maya's saying, I don't want anyone to."

"Okay, whatever, we're going to deal with that in a minute. Give me the phone."

It's maybe a little weird how many times he's talked Maya through crises given he has never actually met her, but all Clarke's friends seem to have just accepted him as their long-distance Cool Big Brother, or something like that. They recognize he's both knowledgeable and helpful, on top of being unable to keep his mouth shut, and confide in him accordingly.

So Bellamy listens as Maya describes Jasper's actually technique--which includes something he called the clit nibble, which, fuck no--until he can't actually take it anymore.

"Okay," he tells her. "Look, if he doesn't know what he's doing, he shouldn't try to be fancy, okay? Is he good with his hands?"

"Yeah," says Maya. "He usually doesn't try to get me off with his hands but he'll, um--finger me when we're getting ready? Is this weird for you?" she adds.

"Kind of, but I figure it's a public service. If you want me to just talk to him directly instead--"

She laughs. "No, that's okay. I can just give him the highlights."

"Your call." He drums his fingers on Clarke's leg, absent. "Whatever he's doing with his fingers, he should keep doing it. Just add suction, basically. And tongue. Teeth are--jesus, yeah, teeth shouldn't get involved. And if you want he can switch it up, so, like--fingers on your clit, tongue inside you. It really depends on what you're into. But most girls I've met really like oral when it's done right, so it's worth seeing if you like, you know, the basics. And then once you've got those down, he can try to get fancier. And seriously, if something feels bad tell him when he's doing it. It's a lot easier to remember, and then he won't think you liked it and do it more and suddenly you have a kink that isn't actually a kink for you."

Maya laughs. "Yeah, that sounds bad. Thanks for--he's a great guy, just--more enthusiastic than experienced, I guess. Not that I can talk."

"Hey, it's fine," he says. "I don't mind. Always glad to do a PSA about cunnilingus. And you can tell your boyfriend to call me if he needs any more help."

"Yeah, that conversation wouldn't be awkward at all," says Maya, dry. "Hey, Jasper, I was just telling Clarke's hot roommate whom I've never met all about our sex life, he has feedback for you."

"If he doesn't get feedback he's never going to learn," he says. "You want Clarke back?"

"I think we're good. Bye, Clarke!"

"She says bye," he tells Clarke, who's just been sitting next to him on the couch, listening with a fond smile on her face.

"Bye, Maya."

"Everyone says bye," he reports. "Good luck with Jasper."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

He disconnects the call and thinks, for a second, about changing the subject. It's not like it's a big deal that Clarke's never had anyone go down on her. It's not as if she seems upset about it, and if she's not upset about it, he shouldn't be either.

But, well--she's definitely missing out.

"Seriously, never?" he asks.

"You're acting like I have this incredibly active sex life," Clarke points out. "It's not like anyone's ever said, hey, you should let me go down on you and I told them not to. It was just pretty easy to do other stuff. No one ever offered and I never made it a point to ask."

"Yeah, but--why not?"

"Someone's tongue inside me just seems--weird. Like, what's their tongue doing in me?"

"So--fingers, dicks, vibrators, dildos. All of those can go inside you, but you draw the line at tongues?"

"Okay, you're overstating it a little. I'm not drawing a hard line against it, just--it's not a big turn on for me. I don't think it sounds very appealing."

He'd like to say he really puts some thought into it, weighs the pros and cons, thinks through all the implications of hooking up with his roommate, who is bright and brilliant and gorgeous and already his favorite person in a way that means it is probably unwise to get any more attached to her.

But, really, he's too indignant to really put much by way of coherent thought into it. Clarke thinks oral doesn't sound appealing, and she's clearly missing out.

So he nudges her with his elbow. "Hey, you should let me go down on you."

She laughs, but it's not the kind of laugh that really means something is funny, more just one of those laughs that comes from not having any other response. "What?"

He shrugs. "I'm just saying, it's worth a try, right? Not to brag, but--I got some good feedback about how to do it from this one girl, and since then I've gotten nothing but praise, so I think I'm pretty good."

This laugh is amusement. "Do you have oral sex references, Bellamy?"

"I could probably find some if you want, I'm still Facebook friends with Gina, she'd probably--" He makes to get his phone, and she tugs his arm, shaking her head with another laugh.

"You know this isn't a problem, right? Not having had oral sex isn't damaging my life."

"Yeah, but--it's good. I'm really sure. And if it's not and everyone else is lying to me, I should find out before I torture any more girls with it, right? I know you'll tell me if it's secretly awful and no one wants to tell me. But I'm pretty sure that's not it."

She worries her lip, and he just watches her. He hadn't realized how much he wanted her to say yes, but--he really does. "What would you do?" she finally asks. "If I said yes. What's the plan?"

He knows her well enough to read her tone, and when he shifts a little closer, she turns into him, encouraging. "Obviously, I'm not going to start right away," he says, letting his eyes sweep over her. She's wearing pajamas and her hair's in a messy bun and she's basically the most beautiful girl in the world, as far as he's concerned. "I guess it depends on what you want. I like to start with kissing. I like kissing. And then--" He wets his lips, practically tasting it. "Depends on where you like being touched, I guess. I want you to be so wet for me when I'm finally ready to--"

She cuts him off with firm kiss, sliding into his lap and pressing her mouth against his, hot and greedy, and he anchors his hands on her hips, keeping her there. Her lips are a little chapped, like always, because he has to remind her to use chapstick when she's busy, but it's honestly kind of nice. It's so easy to tell whom he's kissing.

"So, you're okay with that plan?" he murmurs against her lips, letting his fingers slide under the hem of her shirt.

"You're really convincing," she says.

He lifts her off his lap a little, just enough that he can push her onto her back on the couch, settling one thigh between her legs. When he licks her lips, she opens for him, whimpering a little as he takes full control. He lets his hand slide into her hair, tilting her head back so he can slide his mouth down her neck.

"You never told me where you like being touched."

"Everywhere," she says, and he laughs and nips her neck gently, not enough to mark, just to make her shiver and arch against his leg. "There's good."

"If you don't tell me anything else I'm just going to play with your breasts."

"Yeah?"

"I assume I'm not the first person to tell you that your breasts are fucking perfect."

"You haven't even seen them yet."

He slides his hands back under her shirt. "No, I haven't. Can I?"

She bites her lip, which is kind of stupidly hot at the best of times and fucking cataclysmic right now, pushes him up just enough that she can tug the shirt over her head. She's wearing a pink bra with some lacy patterning on it, which he only has a second to appreciate before she unhooks it and slides it off, and then, well--breasts.

He leans down to press a kiss to the swell of the right one, the flesh warm and perfect under his lips.

"Absolutely perfect," he murmurs, and she laughs.

"Thanks. I was--oh," she gasps, as he lets his mouth close around her nipple. He sucks it gently, swirls his tongue, around it, tries not to grind his dick too obviously against her. Just because it's fucking hot for him doesn't mean it's about him.

"See," he murmurs, grinning. "Imagine that, but--" He slides his hand down between her legs, under her pajamas but over her underwear, letting his fingers rub over her clit. "Here."

"Fuck, Bellamy."

"Yeah," he says, nipping her gently. "I'm going to fuck you. I can't believe no one's ever done this before, jesus. I'm going to make you feel so good."

"If I didn't know you, I'd say you were all talk," she teases, sliding her hand into his hair and tugging gently. "You should check if I'm wet enough. I feel wet enough."

He slides his mouth over to her left breast. "But I haven't even touched this one yet," he teases, and she groans.

"You don't have to be that thorough."

"I really do."

She's basically humping his leg by the time he decides to slide down her body, tugging her pajamas and underwear off with one firm tug. Laid out before him, naked and wet, she's absolutely gorgeous, and he can't quite believe he actually gets to have sex with her.

There are probably going to be consequences to this, but he's having trouble caring right now.

He gives her a gentle push, guiding her a little farther back so he has room to settle between her legs. He can smell her arousal, can practically taste her already, but he makes himself slide his fingers inside her first, trying not to come just from how easily they glide in. She's so fucking ready for him.

"Oh fuck," she breathes, and then he leans down, presses a kiss to her clit, and then flicks his tongue against it, savoring the way she gasps, "Oh fuck," again.

When he sucks, her whole body tightens around him, the first hot wave of arousal coming strong, and that's all he needs. He starts to go in earnest, stroking up inside her while he works her clit with his mouth, hot and hard and relentless. He wants her first orgasm to come quickly so he can draw the second one out, to get a feel for what she likes and how to make it better for her.

As he hoped, it doesn't take long. She's gasping and arching against his fingers, whimpering in desperation for release. He keeps the pressure up on her clit and works his fingers, and the orgasm that crashes through her is hard and hot, but not nearly enough for him.

He slows his fingers but doesn't stop as she comes down, presses random kisses against her thigh as her fingers gradually relax in his hair.

"Holy shit," she breathes.

"And you haven't even had my tongue inside you yet," he says.

She flops back on the couch, boneless. "You know, I'm just going to stop arguing and let you do whatever I want."

"That's all it took? I should have eaten you out last year."

"You really should have," she agrees, and there's something in her voice that makes his breath catch, but--he can ask about it later.

He's got work to do.

*

He comes humping the couch somewhere between her second and third orgasm. He's never eaten anyone out for so long, but Clarke keeps coming, making all these hot, desperate noises, and he doesn't know how to stop until she finally pushes him away after something like her fifth orgasm.

"I don't think it's physically possible for me to come again."

"That was the idea, yeah," he says. Part of him wants to kiss her, but he doesn't know if that's still allowed.

She solves the problem for him, twining her hand in his hair and pulling him back to her mouth. His face is a sticky mess, but she doesn't seem to mind, licking the taste of herself out of his mouth with slow, lazy ease. He settles back on top of her, tries not to get his hopes up too high, but--it was so good. They could be so good.

Her hand creeps down his chest. "What about you?"

He laughs, feeling himself flush a little. "Came in my jeans like a fifteen-year-old."

Thankfully, she looks delighted. "Really?"

"You're so fucking hot, Clarke," he murmurs. "I could get off just listening to you."

It feels like a little too much honesty, maybe, but she bites the corner of her mouth on her smile. "That's not that much fun for me. Not when you could get off fucking me instead."

"I could?"

"Don't get me wrong, the oral was amazing, I'm definitely into it, but--that's not all I want, Bellamy."

He catches her mouth for another kiss, warm and soft, settling in to enjoy it. "As long as I convinced you oral's fun."

"Completely," she says. "But I still don't want anyone else's tongue in me. I hope that's okay."

He laughs, tugs her in close. "Yeah. I was thinking the same thing."