#and how I've only ever seen two (2!!) depictions of it ever really

[hermitshell]

little out of the blue here but i just wanna say if you have trichotillomania, you aren't bad for it and it doesn't affect who you are as a person. you are wonderful and deserve many good things and there are other people out there like you

[maychorian]

Found Family Anime Recs

I recently reblogged a list of found family anime recs and was a bit surprised by how many reblogs and likes it got. I had really reblogged it just so I can find it later to watch the shows I hadn't already seen on the list, but apparently I have a lot of followers who are interested in this topic! Well, I've watched a lot of anime, so here are ten found family anime shows that I absolutely love. These are in no particular order.

Buddy Daddies

This show is similar enough to Spy X Family that you might be tempted to call it a rip-off. It's really quite different though. There's a lot less comedy (though there's still SOME comedy) and a lot more healing from past trauma. The animation is gorgeous, and the relationships really tug at my heart. It's more realistic than Spy X Family, in some ways, though it's still pretty ridiculous. The melodrama in the last couple of episodes did annoy me a bit, but it's still a very satisfying show. It's like a fanfiction I would write, which is really the highest recommendation I can give, haha, because that means it's exactly the kind of story I would like. 

2. Samurai Champloo

This show was made by much of the same team that created Cowboy Bebop, but for some reason it never got the same cult status, which is really too bad. I love Cowboy Bebop, but I love Samurai Champloo more. It's about two ronin and a teenage girl traveling through Edo-era Japan to find someone the girl is looking for. Throughout the series, the three form a very strong bond, despite all of their communication difficulties and past traumas. I've rewatched this show probably more than any other anime. It's brutal at times, but so very satisfying.

3. Natsume Yuujin-cho

Natsume lost his parents as a young child and was passed around from relative to relative, most of whom couldn't deal with him because his ability to see yokai (Japanese folk spirits) made him a freak in their eyes. As the series starts, he's finally taken in by an older couple in a rural village who actually want him, and he's finally able to start forming connections with other people and find a support system with his new caretakers, his peers, and the yokai he tries to help. It's a very sweet, sad series, much more sentimental than the first two entries on this list, but a very soothing and lovely watch when you are in need of some relaxation. Warning, though, the flashbacks to Natsume's past families can be truly gutwrenching. He was not treated well for a very long time, and it's hard to stomach.

4. Barakamon

Handa is a calligrapher who gets essentially exiled to a remote island after causing problems on purpose. He has a hard time connecting with people and is struggling with his art. Over the course of the story, he forms relationships with his neighbors, especially an adorable child with possibly the best child voice-acting I've ever heard, and slowly rediscovers his joy in creation again. It's cute and funny and beautiful, and it makes me want to live on a remote Japanese island.

5. My Roommate Is a Cat

Subaru is a young novelist who recently lost his parents, who were pretty much his only connection to humanity. While trying to recover from this massive loss, he adopts a stray cat who quickly becomes the most important creature in his life. Through the cat, he begins to form relationships with other people, as well. The show is unique in that the first half of each episode is from the human's POV and the second half is from the cat's POV. It's a very lovely and soothing show. Pets are family, too!

6. Haikyuu

Haikyuu was the show that opened my eyes to the aspect of found family in sports anime. I know a lot of tumblr enjoys Haikyuu for the shipping, but to me it's more satisfying to view it through the lens of found family. Each team is essentially their own found family, in their own unique way, and the relationships are particularly realistic and well-depicted by this mangaka. I love Tanaka being a big brother to the first years, Kuroo and Kenma's mutual protectiveness and support, all of it. 

7. Kuroko no Basuke

This is the silly basketball show, and in my opinion it's not as good as Haikyuu, but I love the relationships here as well. Especially between Kuroko and Kagami, of course. Their mutual protectiveness is just chef's kiss. But the whole Seirin team is really great. I love them so much. The teamy goodness is what makes the silliness watchable for me.

8. One Piece

What is there to say about One Piece? This is, like, the ultimate found family show. All of the pirate crews with any kind of goodness at their core are found families, but especially the Strawhats. Luffy is just going around looking at people and declaring, "Okay, you're in my family (on my crew) now." If you've never watched One Piece before, I'm going to make an unorthodox recommendation and suggest you watch the live action Netflix adaption first. It does a really good job of capturing the feel and aesthetic and just pure loveliness of this story in a much more compact and approachable way than the anime. However, if you like it, I do recommend that you watch the anime from the beginning, because there is a lot of expansion on the themes there, and the characterization is slightly different. Usopp in particular kinda got shorted in the live action, so you'll understand him a lot more if you watch his introduction arc in the anime. But honestly both versions are great. I'm on my third rewatch of the live action version already, and I will watch and rewatch the anime until I die, probably. One of my favorite stories of all time.

9. The Weakest Tamer Began a Journey to Pick Up Trash

I found this one slightly annoying in how it was obviously carefully designed to tug at my heartstrings, but it's working, so I don't have much right to complain. It's about a little kid driven out of her home who gradually gathers a found family of both monsters she tames and adult adventurers and guardsmen who take one look at this lonely child and go, "Well, guess I have a baby now." The isekai element is very lowkey, in that she basically just has a voice in her head giving her advice, and I like that it's about fighting local corruption instead of a demon army or what have you. I want more shows like this and less shows like every other generic isekai, haha.

10. Dungeon Meshi

This show is blowing up tumblr right now, so you've probably already seen it a billion times, but I'm going to make one more appeal for you to watch/read this story. It is so, so so good. And in my opinion, it is much MUCH more about family, both born and found, than it is about shipping. I could write a whole essay about Marcille and Falin's relationship that has nothing to do with romance, as I could for any other two (or three or four) characters in the main party, plus those outside. There is a LOT going on. I've been playing RPGs and LARPs for twenty years, and one reason I love the hobby so much is for the joy of creating found families with my best friends in new and different worlds, over and over again. This is the first piece of fiction I've found that really captures that particular aspect of party-based fantasy stories, the relationships that form and grow, the tight-knit bonds that keep everyone moving forward despite the monsters you must face (and consume). 

[moki-dokie]

reasons i will never forgive the showrunners if they don't at least acknowledge jjpope by the end of s3

featuring: ✨✨✨queerbaiting✨✨✨

wearing each other's clothes:

jj taking every opportunity ever to touch pope (god there are SO many more examples too):

jj getting sexual with, to, or about pope and ONLY pope, ever:

INTRICATE RITUALS:

(with coincidentally well timed lyrics right as it cuts to this scene sorry not sorry editing choices like that are done for a reason)

jj very often gazing at his lips instead of his eyes while talking to him:

(seconds before going in for the kiss)

jj constantly putting himself between pope and danger or being protective of him:

KISSING:

INTIMATE NECK KISSING IN A HOT TUB FOR WHICH THERE IS NO HETEROSEXUAL REASON FOR????:

I RAN OUT OF ROOM FOR IMAGES BUT LETS NOT FORGET ALSO

how jj has quite a few pet names for pope but no one else, how pope and jj are almost always paired off together, how jj has explicitly said 'i love you' to pope TWICE, how jj calms pope down when he starts spiraling, how jj and pope have more physical contact and affection than the two romantic leads, how jj is supposed to be a manho from how he's introduced and yet the opening shot is the one and only time we've seen him with someone in a romantic or sexual manner. how about the multiple accounts of people sharing gifs of them to people who have never seen the show with 0 context provided and damn near every time the consensus is 'they are not straight/they are hitting on each other'. I've covered most of this before. the list goes on.

we could even get into film editing choices from the perspective of my bestie who has a degree in that very field and how SO many of their scenes are shot, lit, scored, and all around edited with romantic intent,.

but then wait, there's more! how about how multiple members of the cast (including rudy!!) have stated they support the ship and think it's cute? or how multiple netflix socials heavily suggested jjpope was going to be canon? how so many of the key jjpope moments were improv that could have been cut and redone (like the fucking hot tub scene) if they didn't want it going in a possible homo direction??? or how jjpope was the first major ship to come out of obx BECAUSE of such heavy handed subtext?? and then the showrunners have the audacity to pivot to jiara at the last second because of a handful of fucking rabid stans that harassed the cast so severely it drove most of them off of socials??? with the paper thin excuse of 'oh we never expected that lets explore it'???????????

and whats the definition of queerbaiting again? "Queerbaiting is a marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but then do not depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ+ representation. The purpose is to attract ("bait") a LGBTQ+ or straight ally audience with the suggestion or possibility of relationships or characters that appeal to them."

right.

i still have a sliver of hope that their 'exploration' of jiara is just like, 2 episodes of them giving it a shot and realizing they actually suck together. i still have hope they aren't gonna do us so blatantly dirty and might give us something even if it's just crumbs. most of the cast are loud and proud queer allies, the showrunners have so far been pretty fucking cool and extremely supportive of the queer community, even refusing to film in north Carolina because of transphobic bathroom laws. it would feel especially dirty if they really did bait us because of that. but man. MANNN. it just ain't looking good. i'd hate to give up on the show. i love it and love the actors even more but if they do it, i might just have to.

[niuniente]

I got Buffy The Vampire Slayer tarot deck. As my attempt is to get to back to tarot and learn to read them intuitively via images, too, I always go through tarot decks to see if any of the cards pick my interest. If the illustration is somehow different or in a way or another chances the atmosphere of the card's usual meaning (for example a broken Tower VS an intact Tower).

Here are my faves from BTVS deck:

The Lovers is a card for Tara and Willow. Not only it is nice to see The Lovers depicting a same sex Lovers, this The Lovers feels like "I found you! Finally, I found you!" The Sun (The Spirit) is shining its blessing on this love. This is very easy, relieving and fulfilling love, where possibly two different kinds of people (lush tree & scorched tree) come together. (Typically, The Lovers card for me represents love which requires some work and effort, and might be challenging at first).

The Tower in this deck is intact and seems to be able to hold its form despite everything going around it. It is a message tower, so this The Tower underlines communication, knowing, intuition and the gut feeling. Notice the person leaping into freedom from this Tower. This Tower represents circumstances which ask you to leave more than everything crumbling around you whether you want it or not, and taking part of you with it.

10 of Swords in this deck is the most peaceful 10 of Swords I've ever seen. It's like "Well, it is how it is and there's no changing it". Things have ended and there's really nothing you can do anymore but go with the flow and let the old die. Don't take the hand of old (Angel) trying to reach back to you - it is going and it needs to go. Keep your head clear and calm (Buffy).

Judgement card has a message on it: "Please check ALL bags/backpacks at counter". What are you carrying in your bags? What are you bringing under the eye of Judgement? You will be judged based on that because what you put in your bag, that will go with you and you have to deal with it. So, check your bags!

The Sun card with Buffy and Spike looks a lot like traditional The Lovers, which is a really nice touch, as both cards are good - and when combined together, SUPER good! Fans of Spuffy might also be happy to know that The Sun represents the highest point in one's potential. It has now been reached, you have reached your personal enlightenment in a way or another. Hardships are behind and one has survived them.

5 of Cups is probably my favorite! Typically this card depicts a person crying after 3 fallen cups, while 2 are still fine. Buffy here, however, doesn't mind the fallen cups but keeps going, filling her own cup with the strength, resilience and stubbornness she's got. A really positive card for 5 of cups.

[bluewatersfairy]

homebody - l.b.

loosely inspired by homebody by kalin white (a/n: i've been wanting to use this song for a longgg time)

synopsis: requested by @bemybinarystar! two people meet by chance on an app that thrives on anonymity and begin an x-rated relationship with one another filled with late night video calls.

warnings: mature content, MINORS DNI!! depictions of sex work, mutual masturbation.

word count: 3.2k

•••

Melo grabbed his laptop and climbed on top of his bed, checking one last time that there were no tell-tale signs in view that would make him identifiable.  This had become a part of his routine and what was once him being cautious was now a natural habit.  He originally didn’t care, it never even crossed his mind, but she had told him he needed to, she didn’t want to know who he was.  That was weird for him to hear too, it reminded him of how different this relationship was.  If you could call it a relationship.

When he had first discovered her, he was doom scrolling on the type of site that was created for late-night rendezvous.  He’d convinced himself he was just curious, he’d laugh about it later and go back to the more traditional way of fulfilling his needs.  But then he saw her smile and he had to stop scrolling.  Her description was limited, her height, tag name, and that she was drawn to the anonymity of the site; tell me something good and maybe we can figure something out.

The only reason Melo had even caught her attention was because his profile looked like a cheap bot: 2 tall, 2 long, fire’n’ice, was all his profile said.  His request sat in her inbox for two days until he sent her another message, ‘you ever think about castles?  they got pretty ones by the lakes in lithuania.’  It was a bizarre opening, but it got him out of her requests and into her inbox.

They messaged back and forth for a full week before anything remotely sexual was discussed.  Melo liked that she wasn’t jumping at his every response and that it looked like she had a life too.  During that week, they hadn’t shared much about themselves, but he felt like she was investigating him, despite the very few questions she asked.  The first time he received the app notification that she’d sent him a picture, his palms started getting sweaty.  

He locked himself in his room, something that would become routine, laid back on his bed and opened her message thread.  It was a tasteful shot of her full thighs and ass peaky out of a red silk slip.  Her deep amber skin against the scarlet made him gulp.  It was so little, nothing he hadn’t seen before, but it pulled his interest and ignited his curiosity.  She had waited for him to see the message before she sent the follow up, ‘your turn…”

Melo had spent the next 10 minutes cleaning his floor and checking that nothing could be seen in the background from his messy room.  He spat in his palm and stroked his hard-on till it was raging and grown.  He held the base of his shaft with one hand and took a photo with the other before sending it through.  

That was two months ago and though neither of them had asked many personal questions, there was this unspoken bond between them.  She didn’t need him to say when he’d had a rough day, and he knew how she needed to be talked to.  He found himself thinking of her at the worst of times and turning to her when he needed a boost.  In return, he’d transfer undisclosed amounts of money to her account.  Again, this was something they hadn’t really talked about, it was an unspoken agreement.

Of course, she never expected him to be so generous.  

At first, she assumed that it was an attempt to impress her and keep her interested in him.  She had told him after maybe a week of exchanging racy pictures that she offered more, but for it to be fair to the other people she entertained, he had to pay a small fee that he felt reflected their time together.  The beauty of the site that she considered her secret life was that she got to choose her clients and could easily report and block people if they ever became aggressive or obsessive.  She’d always managed to attract men who exhibit something she’s attracted to, but she knew “fire’n’ice” was closer to her age and clearly in a high position, and that image was addictive to her.  

When he had first sent her a large sum out of the blue, she’d been 3 hours deep in official documents.  She imagined him in a similar position, probably in slacks and a white button up, trapped in his office thinking about taking her at his desk.  She’d quickly excused herself, citing lady problems, and clicked off to the employee bathroom.

Melo, who was standing in his kitchen heating up one of the several protein-based meals he had made weekly, received a message with 3 attachments.  She was spreading herself open for him, and had framed her tits in such a way, he just wanted to latch on.  He’d groaned loudly and abandoned his meal in favour of his room.  His cock was tight against his pants and the second he freed it, he felt the ache take over his body.  

He squeezed his eyes shut and pictured her, imagining how she posed.  He thrust into his fist and straggled words flew out of his mouth.  In the haze of the moment, he grabbed his phone and opened the camera. 

“Look at my fuckin’ cock, babygirl, look how hard it is for you.” He spat as he finished his sentence, needing more moisture so he could fuck his hand better.  “I bet you’d love to choke on my big fuckin’ dick, aye baby?  I’d fuck your face and finish all over your tits.”  

He paid no mind to what he was saying, he was just talking shit as he thrusted harder and faster into his hand.  His cum spurted all over his desk, some of it landing on his phone screen.  He swore and stopped the recording before bending over, his chest heaving.  He’d never thought to do something like that before.  She hadn’t even made a video for him, she’d only ever sent pictures.  What had she done to him?

The video worked in Lamelo’s favour in more ways than he could have possibly known.  She already had a growing soft spot for mr. fire’n’ice but that video sent him to the top of her list.  He was the first client she reached out to during the days and his sessions were always top priority for her.  It didn’t have much to do with the money, she was just drawn to him in every way a person can be to someone they’ve never met or even seen properly.  He even had her questioning if she should take a step back from her other clients and just entertain him.  

It was bad.  Unprofessional even.  But she couldn’t stop herself.

LaMelo was still checking his background when her call came in, popping up on his screen with her explicit profile icon highlighted with a red ring.  He pressed the green button and did one final adjustment to his laptop so all she could see was below his neck.  He always wore a black wife-beater so that his chest tattoo was mostly covered but so she could still get a good view of his toned torso and the ever growing bulge in his shorts.

“Hi pretty boy,” her ruby red lips pulled into a grin on his screen.  She looked like she was laying on her stomach, her tits pushed together under a slip of vibrant material.  

“‘Sup baby,” Melo swiped his tongue across his bottom lip, “you lookin’ edible.”

She giggled as she ran her hand down her neck before reaching somewhere off camera.  She was sitting up, he realised, before she brought something of a prop on screen.

“I was gonna say I found these today and thought of you,” she giggled again, “I know you’re much bigger, but you can’t tell me that’s not a close match.”  Melo smirked as he watched her twirl two rainbow lolly-cocks in the camera.  

“They not that girthy, you could still fit them in your mouth easy,” Melo felt his dick twitch as she rested her pouty lips on the tip of the lolly.

“Are you saying your dick won’t fit in my mouth?” she bit on her bottom lip and dragged her hand down her chest as she spoke.

“I’m sayin’ it won’t be easy.”  Melo’s hand moved to the bulge in his pants and he gently palmed it.

“I like a challenge,” she smiled, “I’ll make sure it fits baby, you know I’m a good girl for you.”

“Show me.” 

His voice was raspy, and his dick was hard.  She’d caught him at the perfect time and he knew she could tell just how desperate he was for her.  He didn’t care that she knew anymore.  Truthfully, he thought it showed how well they knew each other and how much he trusted her.  

“Of course baby,” she grinned before adjusting her laptop camera slightly.  

Melo watched closely as she spat on the tip of the lolly cock and used her tongue to glide it down.  Kitten licks and teasing kisses quickly turned into her pouty lips wrapped around the head.  The wet sounds her mouth made against the hard lolly did nothing but strengthen the pulse in Melo’s cock.  He swiped his tongue across his bottom lip before readjusting himself, watching as she pushed the lolly further into her mouth.  

“You’re such a good girl, baby,” Melo pushed out with his head leaning back.  He watched her through his eyelashes, picturing her wrapped around him.  His chest rose and fell at a steady pace and his skin flushed pink.  He was getting caught up in the thick of things, he barely processed her transitioning from the lolly cock to one of her dildos.

It was one they had purchased together.  It was a late night call, much like they were currently on, and she had wanted to find something a bit different for the two of them.  Her screen was shared with him as they scrolled through an adult website.  Every now and then Melo would point out one, whether he was being serious or joking was always up for interpretation.  

“I want something that’s like you,” she said sheepishly when Melo had asked why he was involved, “it’s like torture seeing such a pretty and big dick and not be able to ride it.”  

They’d found a dildo similar to his size and when it came in the mail a week later, Melo received a video of her putting it in her mouth, popping it out and pushing it between her tits.  She said she wouldn’t to anything else without him, but he was out of town and sharing a room so it would be a minute until he was going to be able to be alone with her.  It ended up being one of their better calls.  Melo could barely keep his eyes open by the end of it, he felt so fucked out and exhausted, you’d think she had actually been there to suck the soul out of him.  He’d jokingly texted her the next morning saying he had a sore wrist.  It wasn’t a complete joke though, many coaches commented on his shooting being off that day at practice. 

“Oh baby,” she moaned through the camera as she pulled the rubber cock out of her mouth, “touch yourself baby, show me how you stroke it.”

Melo was rock hard.  He hissed as he ran his hand up his thick shaft and circled his thumb over his throbbing head, spreading his leaked pre-cum so she could see it.  She spat on her dildo as he squirted lube on himself.  

“Follow my pace baby,” she instructed, “you know how much I love to push you.”

“I’ll do whatever you say baby,” Melo swallowed and began to stroke his dick as she jacked the dildo.  She switched between going fast and slow, bringing different sounds out of Melo as she encouraged him.  She moaned at every twitch of his dick and felt herself growing hotter and hotter with each stroke.

“Fuck,” she spat out as Melo had to let go of his cock, his head thrown back and his eyes squeezed shut, “you wanna cum don’t you baby?”

“I don’t wanna,” Melo groaned as he smacked his cock, “you just drive me crazy Ma.”  His eyes refocused on his screen to find she’d changed positions.

She was sitting now, her thighs spread so her pussy was on full display.  Melo cussed at the sight of it.  Even through the camera he could tell she was just as heated as he was.  She was visibly swollen and practically dripping.  She giggled as she slipped her fingers through her folds, a visible tremble running through her at the same time.

“Look how ready I am for you,” she moaned as she fingered her clit, “you’d stretch me out so good with that big cock.”

“I’d give you the fuck of your life,” Melo gripped his cock again, “have yo ass screamin’.”

She picked up the dildo from her side and rubbed the tip against her entrance, “tell me baby,” she hummed, “tell me how you’d do me.”

“I’d fuck you in so many ways,” he started to jerk his cock again.  “God, I’d fuck you into your mattress baby, giving you the deepest strokes of your life.  You’ve never had a dick like this.”

“No I haven’t,” she whined, pushing the dildo inside her, “you’d have to go slow with me, I wanna make sure I feel every inch of you.”  she let out a gasp of a pet name, her free hand gripping on to her tit.

“God just the sight of your cock makes me feel crazy,” her hips were moving against her hand, pushing the rubber cock in and out, trying desperately to match Melo’s pace.  If he could function enough to think of anything at that moment, he’d appreciate her commitment to making it feel like they were together, fucking.  But his brain wasn’t working anymore.  Everything that came to mind was nothing shy of filth. 

“It’s all yours baby, and you’d look so fucking good bouncing on top of it.”

She moaned at his words, her tits bouncing as she fucked herself harder.  

“This big fucking dick is all yours, whenever you want it, I don’t care where, it’s yours.”

His room filled with a mix of her moans, his heavy breathing and the sound of his hand beating his cock, slapping with how fast he was jerking.

“Oh and this pussy is all yours daddy,” she moaned loudly, “I’m all yours baby.  You can put that pretty dick whereever you want and use me for whatever you need.  I just need you all over me daddy, your big hands wrapped in my hair, around my throat.”

“I’ll slut you out baby,” Melo groaned as he chased her words, “I’ll make you cum so much the whole world gon’ hear.”  

“I’m gonna cum,” she all but screamed, “keep talking, tell me baby, I want to hear you.”

“I’ll fuck you from behind in the mirror, baby.  Smack yo’ ass and pull your hair and make you look me in the eye while you cum all over my big dick.”  Melo repressed a loud moan and swallowed hard.  “We gon’ fuck all night, baby, the second you cum, I’m sticking it right back in there.  I’ll make it so you won’t be able to walk in the morning.”

Melo watched her body react to his words and struggled to process the sight. Her chest was heaving, fucking the dildo in and out of her hole with her hand tight on her clit.  She swore over and over again until her words were nothing but moans and Melo saw everything reach it’s peak.  She pulled the dildo out of her and did everything she could to stop her thighs from clamping shut.

“Holy fuck,” she gasped with her head thrown back and her hands jammed between her thighs.  She collasped against whatever was behind her and Melo watched her spread herself open and squirt.  “Oh baby, I’m cumming so fucking hard.”

Melo just about double over, letting out the loudest moans and groans he’d ever made as his load spurted out of his tip.  He massaged his balls and watched his seed cover his lower stomach and parts of his laptop.

“Fuck,” he sighed as he leaned back and let his dick stand to its own want.  

For a minute, the two of them didn’t move, just panting heavily staring at one another.  Occasionally, he’d stroke his shaft and rub his balls at the same time to see if he had anything left.  She was the first one to move, laying back down to the position she’d been in when the call started.

“Every time I think we’ve reached our peak, you go and do the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” she giggled as she put one of her fingers to her lips.

“Tell me how that pussy tastes babe,” he said, his voice audibly strained.  She smirked and put her fingers in her mouth, sucking them off.

“It tastes sweet and creamy,” she let her wet fingers drag down her naked torso to her nipples.

“You’re a fuckin’ problem,” Melo grinned and shook his head, reaching for the rag he washed for this call.

“I’m a problem?” she giggled, pointing to herself, “you’re the one who’s got me thinking of throwing all the policies out the window.”

“Policies?” Melo asked, suddenly brought out of his post-nut daze.  “What are you tryna say?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted with a shrug, “but don’t you feel it too?  Don’t you want to see my face?  Know my name?”

“I want all of the above, baby,” Melo pulled his laptop closer to him.  “Are you saying there’s more we could do?”

“I’m just thinking out loud here,” she hesitated, “you’re the first person I feel like I’d be safe sharing my secrets with.”  What was she saying?

It was a big confession, she wants to elevate things.  Melo couldn’t decide if it was his money or him but he really didn’t care.  He wanted to have her name and he wanted her to know his name.  But it’s unique, and she’d know exactly who he was if he said it.

Fuck it.

“LaMelo,” he rushed to say, spitting it out before he could think twice.  “I’m LaMelo.”

She smiled wide and he watched as she reached out to her laptop screen and pushed it back slightly.

“I’m Y/N,” she giggled.

LaMelo repeated her name, letting it pass through his lips to see how it’d feel saying it.

“So Y/N,” Melo smiled as he pushed his laptop screen a bit too, showing more of him, “if I offered to fly you out, would you say no?”

“Oh baby,” she smirked, “I’d be there in a heartbeat.  I want all that dick in real life.”

“Aight, bet,” Melo picked up his phone from beside him, “you give me a date and I’ll work out all the rest.”

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 16

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Parker (Leverage)

"Some of the weird things she says are so true. Like when she talks about past/present/future parker. Her joy at the things that she loves is so complete. Christmas every year! I too have the urge to stab people with forks when in uncomfortable social situations. And it was great when she made her security code to her…home…Sophie’s real name because it was representative of where trust stood in the team after the prison break. Oh! And her and Alec are total couple goals. (Thruple goals if you add in Elliot)"

Gudetama (Sanrio)

"A lazy egg who really doesn't want to do much of anything and would rather just go back to sleep"

Finn the Human (Adventure Time)

"finn is just a little guy doing his best and trying to help people! he's the only human in the show so he's just like us fr (the entire human race) and he starts off the series as a kid and grows up during it so he really goes through all the relatable ups and downs and friendships and relationships and mistakes and achievements that we all go through. he does a lot of idolising people and having to realise they're not what he told himself they were. sometimes he tries to distract himself from an existential crisis by running around yelling or stabbing things with a sword. relatable"

Rain O'Fire Frazier (Worm)

"Rain grew up in a conservative community that he didn't want to be part of, and rejected their regressive ideology in favor of surrounding himself with people who have gender vibes, mental health issues, and traumas of their own. Also, people give him all sorts of crap in the setting, and while he does fuck up sometimes, he's just a swell dude who's hoping to not get murdered by crazy people. Times being what they are, I think that that's something a lot of people can relate to."

Piper Mclean (Heroes of the Olympus)

"she's SO full of love!!! she loves everyone so strongly!! she has a complicated relationship with femininity, gender and beauty standards. she bullies her friends but would go down fighting for them if needed. she acts out to get her dad's attention. she believes in a balance between emotions and logic, and is not afraid to tell her friends if she thinks they're neglecting the emotional side of a problem."

Norma Khan (Dead End Paranormal Park)

"She is autistic and struggles with socialising (same) She has special interests that she will bring up at any opportunity. She can get overwhelemed and scared being in the world. Norma is also bisexual! She spends her time in a Pauline Phoneix theme park (one of her spins) and fighting demons and ghosts (another special interest). Vote Norma today!!"

"She goes through so many relatable experiences that I rarely see depicted and is just overall an excellent character. The third episode of the show has the most relatable depiction of anxiety I've ever seen (especially the intersection between social anxiety and autistic sensory overload). It's one of those episodes where each character has to face their worst fears, and with how those episodes usually go, I expected her to overcome her fears at the end of the episode and just not have them anymore. Instead, she overloads the villain by having too much fear for him to handle since she has to constantly face her greatest fears as part of her everyday life. The protagonist also acknowledges how much more severe her fear is compared to most other people, which is pretty validating. Her special interest is an actress who turns out to be a really shady person, and she has a lot of trouble processing this because it was so close to her heart. She even gets a musical number about it! I've never seen this particular experience depicted in fiction, but it's one that is sadly pretty relatable to me and probably a lot of other people on here. She also has a plot where she is rejected romantically by a straight friend, which is kinda nice to see (even if it's not nice for poor Norma) since even though this is a really common experience IRL I rarely see it explored in fiction. And she's just really funny and smart and a great character in general!"

[kaelidascope]

Dude, I love this fanfic so much! I just wanted to ask where you got the idea from. Did you have any inspiration from anyone? Also, what's your favorite fanfic? And want do you recommend ?

AWE bless!! Thank you so much I'm glad you're enjoying it <33

So actually a good 80% of this is written from personal experience LOL I used to dance and was into drift building/racing in my late teens/early twenties! Most of the references or scenes in Midnight Menagerie are references to things I've seen or done in real life, OR stories friends have told me within the same field. (Nora is literally just a rebranding of this one mutual friend we had who just. Absolutely fucking unhinged) Like for example, the anticipated Hangover Chapter is just a retelling of an insane Summer weekend I had in 2017 ☠️ it's a personal delight being able to translate things into the narrative, even more so knowing people find my stupid, terrible decisions as amusing as I do in current times lol

My general rule of thumb is to write from experience. Things I understand either on a technical point or emotional connection. So, if you've read it in my work, it's probably something I've done LOL

Another reason I find drive in writing this type of narrative is that MM!Blake's type of dissociative PTSD is something I haven't seen much in media in general. I've seen people depict her in various ways (some of them good!), but none of them ever really apply directly to me, so I wanted to make something that I could relate to and how to properly navigate life, given the environmental circumstances. Plus some us need better examples on how to juggle mental illness as adults and also be in healthy long term relationships because damn I have zero reference LOL

For the fic recs, oh boy I have so many LOL time to be a pathetic fangirl on main but okay here's the ones that immediately jump to mind (also heads up most of these are mature or explicit rating);

Certified Kaeli Fresh Fics

Let You See My Wilder Side (If I Can See Your Bones)

We all know this one but it is, hands down, my favorite piece of literature of all time. Masterfully crafted and a timeless classic worth several rereads (and I have. Embarrassingly so)

Written by @/lucytara on tumblr || @/explosive_sky on twitter

honestly all her works are immaculate and beyond compare. Also a major fan of I Have A Bullet With Your Mouth On It (That was first RWBY fanfic I ever read LMAO a friend recommended it to me before I even watched the show) I aspire to write like her some day. It's what got me writing fanfiction in the first place. So, credit goes to Erin for inspiring me to post my manuscripts at all. Words cannot express my gratitude and appreciation. I have two book series in the process of being published now and I wouldn't have had the nerve to do it had it not been for this specific fic.

2. One Day At A Time

Also one of the earlier fics I read before getting into the show LOL I love all of @/Frenchsoda 's work, the full list is also worth checking out. I'm a fan of disgruntled Blake who doesn't understand her attraction to Yang but it's so god damn sweet ugh

3. Fucking In Love

Written by @/Set_WingedWarrior and @/Softlight

This one circulates a lot in my social circles. Everyone I know LOVES this one and after reading it earlier this year, now I see why. As someone who worked in the sex industry for a brief period of time, this one's not only accurate but also A DELIGHT to read. The premise is fun, captivating, and worth the wait. I actually discovered a chapter update earlier this year and sent the gc into hysterics because we thought the fic was dead LMAO props to these authors!! They're doing an amazing job and deserve praise

4. You're A Mountain, Full Of Glory

written by champion author @/lescousinsdangereux

I should just preface already that every book Blake reads in MM is a fanfiction that exists because I love Easter eggs. Everyone knows I had Blake reference this in chapter 3 LOL but it's equally as immaculate as Erin's work. I LOVED especially the dynamic between Weiss, Yang, and Ruby in this one. Baby, we're complicated fucking murdered me 😭 also that fuckass Christmas scene, that's my favorite Christmas song LMAO

5. The Home Inside Your Head

Written by the ever skilled @/writeriguess . I found this fic by accident by seeing fanart for it floating around on this site. Got curious, picked at it, and. Oh, my god. It's not very often my brain gets scratched in the right way, but boy this one does it. This author does something specifically unique I haven't seen many do before, and I applaud them for it. There's great detail on the scenes that matter, and the fucking organic build up between Blake and Yang is just. God. Chef's kiss. Truly. It feels so god damn natural and healthy and it's already crossing off several of my agendas already. Give this one a read and give the author some love. SENSUAL FACE TOUCHING? CHAPTER 13????? BOOOOOOOYYYYYYY I'm normal about it

6. You'd Be Paranoid Too (If Everyone Was Out To Get You)

Written by @/WabaJaba_ on twitter

Okay so this one's completely different than what I've previously listed but HOLY FUCKING SHIT IS IT A THRILLER. It doesn't nearly have the amount of love and attention it truly deserves. A friend of mine recommended it to me because it shook them so fucking hard they were in total brainrot hell for a MONTH. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY LMAO God I was obsessed with this for weeks myself. It obviously lives up to it's rating, horror fics aren't for everyone. But if you're able to read it, good lord you should. It's chilling, captivating, and had me on the edge of my fucking seat the entire time. Both endings are good, I still can't decide which one I prefer but RAH I will make sure this is seen god dammit

and last but certainly not least

7. You And Me and This Temptation

written by talented author @/ProfessorSpork

Okay this one was an accidental find as well. A friend sent it to me because THEY found it by accident, I clicked on it for later, went looking for a completely different fic that I mistook for this one, started skimming and realized 'wait a minute LMAO I don't recognize this'. But the thing you have to understand is I hate reading. I'm not a reader, I'm picky and it needs to be worth sitting down for long periods of time. This is one of the rare instances where I was so captivated by it I kept reading more and more from the middle where I landed, and eventually just said ykw let me just start from the beginning cus LMAO context.

This one is, by far, one the healthiest and loveliest depictions of first times I have ever seen. This shit was so inspiring to me that it literally kickstarted an essay in someone's DMs why depictions like this are so important. I didn't have this experience irl, and why MM is written the way it is is because its meant to serve as a lighthouse for those who, like me, haven't. This fic however I feel like should be a required read for anyone getting into relationships for the first time because if it's not like how these two interact, LEAVE IT. This is the standard. This is amazingly written, it's the closest I've ever seen canon Yang and Blake be written to date. The fucking souvenir bit 😭 NJKFGNFJKGNGJ killed me, I was kicking my feet laughing for a good minute. This is the kind of standard everyone should look at and go 'yeah, I want what they have' BECAUSE IT'S CORRECT. LOUD CORRECT BUZZER NOISES

Honestly everything in my bookmarks is certified Kaeli Fresh but these 7 are my top faves. They're probably also really commonly known I'm sure but LMAO like I said I don't read much 😭 which is heavily ironic considering I write myself. Anyway this ended up way longer than I intended but LOL <3 <3 go give these incredible authors love!!

[yurisorcerer]

Two immediate thoughts here. 1. A good chunk of this episode is the gayest thing I've seen in an anime that's not technically about wlw romance in years. 2. It's so, so funny that the obvious solution to the Aqua/Akane/Kana "love triangle" is polyamory but all 3 of them have way too many issues to make that ever work. (Also mainstream fiction just Doesn't Ever Do That because life is pain. Also they're all in showbiz so that's another obstacle there.)

ANYWAY.

I love that this episode, in a fundamentally similar way to the last one, is less about the play itself and more about the psychology of the characters of Akane and Kana. To an extent, "it's about the psychology of these characters, not their performances themselves" is the whole show and at least most good examples of anime about the arts in general, but it's *really* pronounced here. Almost the entire episode is from Akane's perspective from the point that she shows up, and this is especially obvious with her flashbacks to her childhood meeting with Kana.

In a lesser series, something like this would come off as really contrived. You mean to tell me that Akane was taken with the quality of Kana's acting at such a young age? That she just happened to meet her while doing auditions? That when the real Kana inevitably doesn't live up to Akane's idealized image of her (boy that whole relationship is a WHOLE thing on its own), there just happens to be a honkin huge billboard of Kana outside staring her down?

The unreliable narrator card is obvious, but this is so clearly a depiction of how Akane remembers all of this rather than what actually happened per se. I love it, I love how it leads Akane to delve deeper into the psychological side of acting, and I love her speech about how the Kana she loved was an overpowering, selfish actress.

Let's dive into that little monologue actually, because I think it's really telling not just about Akane but about Oshi no Ko in general. The specific phrasing she uses to convey what she wants out of Kana---or at least how it's translated---is "acting that devours everyone around you."

This is something Oshi no Ko is kind of obsessed with. Charisma, talent, star power, as this almost supernatural force that bends the world around it. This is something it shares in common with like, a very small handful of other anime I've ever seen, most prominently Revue Starlight which I think is more similar to Oshi no Ko than fans of either would ever care to admit, but it's such a perfect conveyance of the feeling of being swept up by someone who is just that talented. That's what Akane wants out of Kana, and she is so frustrated that she's not getting it, and she kind of has a breakdown near the end of the episode because she fears she might be in the wrong for wanting it. She worries that she's just coming off as a showboat.

But the funny thing is, she isn't! Kana's general reticence to really stand out is hurting her! This is a fact that Kana herself doesn't even seem entirely cognizant of despite how obvious it is to everyone else. (Including Aqua, who only joins the proceedings at the very end here. There's a grim irony in how good he is at spotting everyone else's issues but how bad he is at understanding his own.) Akane frames it as Kana having been "squashed down by the adults around her" which is a real thing that happens to kids who excel in ways that aren't necessarily expedient to the adults around them. It has a resonance beyond the world of show business that Oshi no Ko takes place in, and I think that's part of what makes this whole ongoing arc so effective. We will presumably get more into Kana's head next episode (and Aqua's, since he's part of this too and there's still the whole "deliberately triggering himself as acting trick" thing to deal with), i can't wait.

Also! I must say I love how dreamlike the back half of this episode feels. There are huge swathes of it where it's not really clear if what we're seeing is the actual play, something backstage, or some kind of idealized thought-space that combines the two. I hope they keep leaning into that, it's fantastic.

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

aha,,, I had this really in-depth thing I wrote about how much I like your art,,, and the first half, maybe even first 2/3 got deleted,,, I was so excited writing it, I have no idea what it all even contained anymore,,,

So... the first paragraph after this here is rewritten from what I could remember writing the first time. I know it's not as in-depth as it originally was. Hopefully it still gets the depth of what I want to say across... The second paragraph is what DIDN'T get deleted. Aaaa

I only just recently found you and started following you, but I have to say, your art and comics and writing for the ASL brothers is just. So unbelievably good. You're up there in my favorites. Top three. Top two even. The way you write them is like watching a group of close friends interacting in real life, down to the silliness and shenanigans and inside jokes and abrupt changes in topic or mood in a conversation, including superficial changes (one that comes to mind is when Ace goes something like "I'll bet ONE MILLION DOLLARS" or some incredibly large number, really intensely suddenly, in response to Luffy's saying he'd be $20 or something, and then there's a beat, and then Luffy is like "$20 is fine :)" and Ace is just like "Alright :)". That kind of thing is something Ive had happen, something I've seen happen to others... but I've never seen it written/drawn so well.) Everything about their interactions is so incredibly natural, so full of life. Every time I read one of your comics I'm in constantly in awe and taking mental notes. Well. Okay, no, that's a lie. I WISH I were taking mental notes, but I get so caught up reading because it flows SO smoothly that I forget to.

And that's another thing!! How the way you do paneling and story beats in your comics makes reading while also visualizing movement and transitions so seamless. It's like, the visual-narrative equivalent of a hot knife through butter. I've read plenty of comics-- from novice to professional-- that have really clunky paneling and/or pacing. And similarly, I've read as many that let you read everything easily, but it's like, TOO easy, and there's no weight drawing your eyes to the actual art or keeping them there. And I've seen comics that are somewhere between these two, but still don't feel like they have a good flow. (All this as passive observation, I'm not one to actively look to critique something.) Anyway, what I'm saying is, the way you set up your comics-- the art, the paneling, the pacing, the speech bubbles, the shots, EVERYTHING-- makes them just. MM!! An absolute frickin delight to read. And it's combined with some of the best, most natural-feeling writing I've ever had the pleasure of reading. You balance everything so well. In this age of being desensitized to humor online, I must say, the silliness in parts of the Water Is Thicker Than Blood comic make me genuinely grin and even laugh to myself alone in my room. It feels so real, so genuine, so... I'm running out of words. I'm sorry. I just... REALLY love how you make stuff. I want you to know that I'm a big fan, and, even though I'm older than you I'm learning a lot, and your stuff is so well-done. I hope this isn't too strange, aha... if it is, I apologize. I got a little intense

Oh woweewowee!!!!!!

Thank you for enjoying how i depict them! I really enjoy drawing them as realistic as i can. I really want people to understand them how i do in my head, and im glad it comes off perfectly because i love these little gremlins! And it really is surprisingly easy to think up situations of them being little dumbasses together :) just put them in situations, think about the ways any normal person could possibly react to the information thats given, scrap all that, use the outlier, and bam! That’s a bonafide ASL dynamic right there!

Thats really nice of you to say how you like how i panel my comics because thats one of the things im a bit self conscious of, truthfully. My formatting isnt as neat or polished as other comics are, and i really dont care to change that, but its nice to know that there is still charm and interest in my style of comics.

I get what you mean with the being desensitized to humor online nowadays. Idk what about it but its kinda hard to get me to full on laugh at memes like i used to. But i really enjoy putting in gags that i think and I chuckle to myself about for a while after i thought of it. The “that doesnt taste anything like ass” gag got me chuckling for so long to myself while i was at work. Just like,,, the shock and awe that Sabo is in from having witnessed that is so funny to me, i dont think that gag will ever get old in my head.

That’s really cool that me just goofing around can be a learning opportunity to people :0 ive never even considered that could be the case

Not at all! Thanks so much for your thoughts and opinions! This is very heartwarming and im very happy i could produce something thats so meaningful to others :)

Thanks for the ask, too :D

[echobx]

Timeloop - JJ Maybank × fem!reader part 3

summary: y/n's first day in the loop is confusing, but also one of the best days she's had in a while, if it weren't for how it ends...

warnings: mentions of death (not depicted)

word count: 1.1k

author's note: it's short again. the concept is great, I have a solid plan, all right. but my brain is very mean in letting me write it out.

masterlist part 2

I wake up panting, my diary by my side and no recollection of what had happened the day before. How did I get home? And why is my diary open with the words from the day before yesterday? 

After a calming shower, I make my way downstairs for breakfast. 

“Did you spend all night writing in your diary again?” my mom asks, and I look down at my ink stained fingers, they look just like yesterday's. “You should've finished your room instead of writing,” she scolds, and I pull my eyes from my hands. 

“I think I finished yesterday, hung up posters and all,” I say, but I really can't remember if I did. 

“You know, your diary is boring as hell,” my little sister laughs.

“It's my diary, that means it's mine and not for you to read!” I snap at her and my dad clears his throat.

“If we could have breakfast in peace, please. I'm trying to read,” he says, with his face still hidden behind the paper. 

“You could explain to me why you kept staring at those boys last night,” my mom stared at me and I furrowed my brows. 

“You mean Tuesday night when we were out?” 

“Yesterday was Tuesday, silly,” my sister laughs at me. “You're really cuckoo for cocoa puffs this morning.” 

“No, yesterday was Wednesday. I went out to get some things to finish my room and then-” The words get stuck in my throat. “When did I come home last night?”

“You came home with us after dinner. Why are you acting so peculiar, y/n? If you don't want to talk about the boys, just say it,” my mother scoffs, but instead of continuing breakfast, I jump up and run upstairs to check my room. 

There are no posters on the wall. The boxes are still stacked like they were before I left the house yesterday. And my phone screen reads Wednesday, 10:36 am.

“No, this can't be. Today is Thursday,” I tell myself before grabbing my keys and running out, towards the store where I had run into the guy yesterday. 

The employee behind the register looks at me weird while I pace the store, waiting for him to show up but hoping that he doesn't, because that would mean that this is just a very bad dream. 

It takes an hour for him to appear behind me, looking for a specific brand of beer. 

“Hi,” I look up at him, and he gives me a confused smile. 

“Hi.” The dimples in his cheeks make my head spin. 

“You were here yesterday and I nearly ran into a shelf, but you stopped me, do you remember that?” I ask and he laughs softly. 

“I think I would remember saving a pretty lady.” The compliment on your appearance doesn't pass you by, but it's still confusing. 

“But I was here and everyone says it's not true, but I know it. I was so all over the place after because I've only seen you at the restaurant two days ago and my mom has been annoying me about that ever since,” I ramble, and he nudges my chin, so I look up at him. 

“You were at the Wreck last night? With the headphones?” he asks and you nod slowly.

“Two days ago,” you correct him, but you don't feel so sure about it anymore. 

“Yesterday,” he winks and you nod a single time. 

“How is this possible?” I ask and he tilts his head. 

“What is?” 

“I'm reliving this day, I think,” I whisper, and he nods again. 

“What about we go somewhere and talk? I don't think Kenny likes you very much,” he proposes and turns to look at the guy behind the register. 

“Okay,” you nod and follow him out, his beers are long forgotten. 

He leads me to a cute restaurant near the beach, where he buys me a soda to calm my nerves, but I'm unsure that it'll help. 

“What's your name?” he asks after we sit down, and I realize how weird it must be that I dragged him into my mess without even telling him my name. 

“Y/n. You?” I simply nod and he smiles. 

“JJ. It's a pretty name. Yours, not mine.”

“I think yours is better, shorter too,” I mumble, looking down at the can in my hand. The condensation on the outside us wetting my hands no matter how much I wipe it off. 

“You think you're reliving this day?” JJ asks, and I nod, my eyes still fixed on the can, watching the droplets run down to meet the wooden table. 

“I can't remember what happened yesterday, I mean, my yesterday, but everything after I met you is blank,” I explain and in my peripheral vision I can see him nod. 

“We should figure that part out then.” JJ smiles and you furrow your brows. 

“You want to help me?” 

“Yeah. I mean, it's my free day anyway, so why not,” he shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his seat. “Was anything today different than your yesterday?” 

“I woke up the same way, my family acted like they always do. Nothing out of the ordinary but the obvious,” I sigh, and he holds out his hand for me to take. 

“I'm sure we can figure this out,” he assures you while lightly squeezing your hand. 

We spend all day talking, thinking about ways this could've been caused, but in the end we draw a blank. 

“You should write it all down, tonight and tomorrow, so you have notes for later. Maybe that will help us,” he says while getting up. 

“Us?” I look at him a little perplexed. 

“Yeah. Tomorrow, yours, not mine, you just come and find me again. And you can explain it all again, and we can look for more clues.” 

“But, you won't know who I am,” I say and he smiles. 

“That's okay, I'll believe you anyway.”

“Why?” 

“I have a feeling about this. I mean, you couldn't stop looking at me last night,” he grins, and then he walks off with a single salute. 

I can't believe that I spend the whole day talking to him, and it didn't feel like any time passed. It's getting dark while I walk home, it's rather far, and I don't know where exactly I'm going, even with GPS. 

Turning my head left then right and left again before I cross the street, but it's empty anyway, no one there but me. 

It takes me half an hour to find a street that looks like it would lead me home, and another ten for me to find my block. But before I could step closer to the street on which my new home sat, everything turned black. 

When I woke up, my diary was lying on my face and I was panting like crazy. With trembling fingers, I pulled the pen from my sheets and scribble into my green book. “Run over. Don't tell JJ.”

please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @redhead1180 @spideysimpossiblegirl @drwstarkeyy @princessmaybank @ijustwantttoread @kys4-20 @immyowndefender @julczimozart @m2m2m2 @th3eternalersi @chiaraanatra @yourmumstoy @mochimms @dorkyfangirl24 @itsme-again

[mehoymalloy]

also, 26 + 28 for Silga & Untalla (could be each for both or just one abt the other, whichever you feel like)

I'm desperate for more beloved blorbo thoughts. you cursed me and now I suffer, so I must turn the blade back on you.... that sounded far more theatrical than just 'I miss them', sorry.

26. What they would do if stuck in an elevator with [insert character of your choice from the same fandom]

Congrats lucky winner! You get two headcanons for the price of one! As you know, I headcanon that Untalla is scared of deep water, but that also extends to cramped and enclosed spaces in a general sense. Add onto that that her stress response is basically 'stab the stressor til it stops being scary' and she will be climbing the walls trying to find a way out. Like they're going to have a reverse climbing the cliffside moment of Silga using her superior upper body strength to pull Untalla into a bear hug and just refusing to let go until Untalla manages to calm herself down (which she will manage to do relatively quickly, and then be so fucking embarrassed about it afterwards. Not to mention confused because if tight spaces bother her then why the hell doesn't being held tightly and restrained also?? Because it's a fucking hug, stupid, and you are platonically down bad specifically for Silga, it should not surprise you at this point that she's the exception for a lot of your rules.)

Silga, meanwhile, is like 'well shit' and goes into Get Shit Done mode, methodically tackling the problem until it's fixed if possible, periodically pausing to not-so-subtly check in on Untalla and giving her menial tasks to help keep her occupied and distracted.

28. How they feel about [insert character of your choice from the same fandom]

THEY ARE SOME FORM OF SOULMATES, YOUR HONOR.

Silga looks up to Untalla so much; she sees her as so strong and and put-together after everything she's been through, but with that said, she loves seeing Untalla's quieter, more whimsical moments of joy when discovering or trying something new, rather that be Old World knowledge or cultural exposure to other clans.

Untalla would kill without hesitation and with a straight face for Silga. Dramatic, I know, but she takes the good old "your enemy is mine" saying that the Tenakth have so seriously it's a little scary. And even knowing Silga is a grown woman who can protect herself, after everything they went through, Untalla will always have an especially alert but not stifling protective streak for Silga. She also just plain adores the girl. She's smart and capable and a little annoying and the bestest friend she's ever had (Granted she will never say any of this, and any outward sign of these feelings is so fucking subtle, she's too stoic for any emotion that isn't anger lol).

-

And because you made me think about them, I went back digging through my Google Docs to find an old WIP. You can see how old this is based on the fact that 1) I've been using Obsidian as my primary writing program for a year now (I should really transfer all this stuff over, huh...) and 2) I used "</>" as my editing brackets, which ended up being inconvenient because TTS reads them aloud.

ANYWAY, have some hurt/comfort because I MISS THEMB NOW TOO, FUCK.

~

Untalla lied in silence, hesitantly running through half-memorized movements, looking for a specific holo she had seen. Not the stylized colors and depictions of the Ten, but real people. Silga had skimmed past it earlier while looking for something else to show her, and Untalla hadn't wanted to ask her to pause. It wasn't that important. But she wanted to see.

So once Silga had fallen asleep, Untalla had carefully picked up her Focus. Untalla had her own, so the holo was likely on there somewhere, but Silga was very meticulous about organization, and Untalla had memorized the shapes that went with familiar sounds, groupings based on category.

FARO PLAGUE

OPERATION ENDURING VICTORY

PROJECT ZERO DAWN

TEN (<insert war name>)

These were only the ones Untalla knew intimately, consumed in a heavy and silent session with Silga, both sitting up late into the night, learning to understand. Sleeping fitfully only to wake up and do it all again. 

But there was a holo in the wrong place, which Silga had played in confusion only to immediately pause and move to somewhere else, 'MISC.'

When Untalla found it, she hesitated. Then she lifted her hand that extra inch upward, watching the light move as if she physically pushed a button though she felt nothing at her fingertips. And the holo played.

<WHAT WILL THE HOLO BE?>

<WHAT WILL THE MEMORY BE?>

Untalla watched until her vision grew blurry, blinked rapidly when it disturbed her, only for something warm to trickle down her temple. It was only once Untalla realized she was crying that her breathing abruptly hitched. Her chest spasmed. Fingers shook as she abruptly reached for the Focus on her ear, her first instinct to stop it from the source rather than press one of the lights projected over her head.

But she pressed the wrong thing. As her fingers fumbled for the relic, the sound suddenly changed. What was initially a tinny little voice in her ear, suddenly became loud, filling the tiny space of their shared home. Untalla couldn't even curse herself before Silga had bolted upright, whipping her head around wildly before landing on her, startled fear immediately melting into confused concern.

"I'm sorry," Untalla gritted out as she sat up as well, still fumbling with the relic at her ear. "I wanted to shut it off but I somehow made it louder and–"

Right as Untalla resolved to rip it away and shove it into Silga's hands, Silga reached out, fingers just skimming Untalla's temple before touching something on the Focus, then the sound was back to the quiet din in her ear, and she reached out with a pathetically shaky hand to pause the holo correctly.

The silence felt stifling in a way it hadn't since Aloy first gave them these relics, since they learned everything. Untalla stared at a <something about the house or wherever (like peeling strip of wood)> as she said, "There was a holo I wanted to see. I'm sorry I used your Focus, I wasn't sure how to find it on my own." When she handed Silga the Focus, she couldn't meet her eyes.

Silga took it gently, placed it back on her bedside table before turning to Untalla again. Untalla could see her facing her in her periphery, though she kept her gaze trained away.

"You're crying," Silga whispered, and damn if the softness in her voice didn't make Untalla cry more. Untalla swiped below her eyes, scrubbing her face roughly before taking a deep breath, face still hidden in her hands. When she dropped her hands and turned her gaze on Silga—on a loose thread in her shirt. Her muttered "I'm fine" wouldn't fool <phrase.>

Untalla took another deep breath, tried to say it again, more assured, but her voice broke. "Damnit," she hissed.

Silga reached out and placed a hand on her knee. "Untalla, talk to me, please."

"It's this holo… it just…reminded me of my parents. I shouldn't have watched it."

Silga was silent for a long moment, before she asked "Do you mind if I watch it?"

"Of course not, it's your Focus."

Silga turned and abruptly lied back down. Untalla watched as her hands flew through the movements, much faster than her own. Then, she hesitated. When Untalla skirted her gaze up to Silga's she found her watching her. "Do you wanna watch it with me?"

"No." Untalla winced when her voice was too loud in the stillness—too harsh.

Then, contradicting herself, she lay back down beside Silga, scooting closer until their shoulders were almost but not quite brushing. Silga tapped something that projected all the lights again, and she apparently adjusted the sound, because when <what/whoever it is> began speaking, it was a soft drone in the night, something Untalla could almost fall asleep to. 

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 20/09/2023

Vote Responsibly!!

Season 4 Episode 1 Featured on: SECOND WIND ~ SiIvaGunner: King for Another Day Tournament Original Soundtrack VOL. 2

Ripped by Smoky

Requested by @youtubepoopmusicvideo!

This is a big one, and one that's been pretty hotly anticipated by the requestee. Lauren, otherwise "Yhenestik" on Twitter and other platforms, is unquestionably the biggest devotee toward a SiIvaGunner character that I've ever seen, and is in general a face I see a lot in the community's small social media presence such as here on Tumblr. The character of his affection is a really fascinating one, and one I'll devote some time to talking about today: John Notwoodman.

John is pretty much a pitch-perfect demonstration on how SiIva lore typically operates and evolves - a joke suddenly growing its roots into something we become attached to. The joke this time was pretty easy to understand - Season 3's King for a Day tournament needed a host, and the team thought it'd be funny to present this host as nothing but fan-favorite character Wood Man in a gameshow-esque bow tie, top hat and curly mustache. The fanbase, of course, went along with this sort of kayfabe during the tournament's running, and John Notwoodman was treated as his own character, despite only really existing to host this temporary, made-to-give-the-channel-something-to-do event.

Funny enough, though, the idea of there being multiple incarnations of the channel's defacto mascot was actually something that Wood Man himself jokingly hinted at back during his initial channel takeover at the prelude to Season 2. As Season 2 progressed, we got further confirmation that Wood Man indeed has the power to transcent dimensions and timelines, due to his status as a hybrid between a Figment and a computer virus. Us loreheads were already aware that John Notwoodman being a seperate character from normal Wood Man was a genuine possibility for the team to pursue - which is what ended up occuring during Season 4 Episode 1. It started with Unusual Circumstances - A SiIvaGunner Christmas Comeback Crisis Side Story, a lore video that lightheartedly depicts the context and resolution behind how the SiIvaGunner channel nearly got terminated at the end of Season 3. This video, beyond being an all-time favorite of mine on the channel, mostly just added fuel to the fire on whether or not John Notwoodman was truly a seperate character from Wood Man himself - if nothing else, it confirmed that the two were absolutely intertwined with one another and didn't just exist separately. Nevertheless, this brought new eyes to the character, and would result in their inclusion as a major character in both the third SilvaGunner Spooktacular Halloween Horror Special, and the legendary King for Another Day Tournament. Through Spooktacular III in particular, we now both had confirmation of John's status as his own character and a canon voice for him - the voice of the Announcer as to later be used in KFAD2. KFAD2, then, not only gave him plenty of relevance as the event's announcer and overall CEO, but gave him tons of time to expand as a character through the event's extensive back cover - the King for Another Day MOJO website, which has written dialogues between all of the event's characters. It's something I myself am still lagging behind on in terms of required reading, yet just from the pieces I've read its easy to understand how the event gave John Notwoodman even more life than he had before, as a lover of the dramatic,theatrical, and overall just having a good time.

Both of these appearances suddenly grounded the character in SiIva's canon with relations to Wood Man, Unregistered Hypercam 2, Meowth, and the various KFAD contestants - he became a character with a distinctly different set of priorities and goals than the Wood Man we know. Priorities that, as shown in KFAD2's finale, showed just how long Wood Man himself had left to go as a person. Wood Man may once have been averse to the idea of there being multiple incarnations of himself, yet he's able to see that their existence shows all the possible ways his own life may one day end up. Three seasons later, and we're still unsure just what path Wood Man will end up walking down.

Though John hasn't had much to do recently on the channel, his theme - Vote Responsibly!! - is, too, emblematic of his progression as a character. He started out as nothing but a jokey facade for a familiar face, and the original Vote Responsibly theme as featured in Season 3 reflected that. But a year later, as second contest began - John Notwoodman was now a person all of their own, with a theme proudly arranged by the character's creator, Smoky. Smoky is broadly speaking in charge of the entire channel's lore and most of its characters, and its been immensely interesting seeing how she's grown both him and Wood Man himself outward as two differing people, working within the loose constraints of SiIva's lore to create a genuinely fascinating dichotomy between such similar-appearing characters. All of that, whilst still putting in the elbow grease to make genuinely excellent arrangements and compositions such as Vote Responsibly!!. Though its a theme I mostly love for what it symbolizes -as you've likely been able to tell through this incoherent rambling - it remains a banger all on its own.

[questforgalas]

My thoughts on TBB Season 2 finale

It's a long one so strap in if you enter

First, before I get started, I wanted to say that this has been such a fun season to watch, and the interactions I've had with everyone in this fandom has made my Wednesday and weeks since January so delightful. I know hiatuses see a lull in activity, and some people are going to need to step away for a bit, but I just wanted to say thanks for being such a warm and open environment (at least the little corner I've found myself in). Here's to fingers crossed that the panel at Star Wars celebration in just a couple weeks brings us confirming great news!

Love ya all. Mama Tay is here with blankets and ice cream for the Tech babes if you need it. My man is unconscious on a torture table and my babygirl is a captive so we can all cry into the containers together

I'm able to watch the episodes at 8am EST every week, it's my little weekly routine I look forward to, so I've had a couple hours to process my one watch through of the finale episodes, and, just, wow.

Warning, "The Breaking of the Fellowship" just started playing on my playlist so who knows where this is about to go lol. Let's go to feelings town

The Bad Batch Season 2

I have not been quiet about how much I love season 2. Out of 16 episodes, there are maybe 2 that could be written off, but put them anywhere in season 1 or any TCW season, and they'd be some of the best episodes, which only adds to how well written and well done this season was.

I'm a Crosshair girl, not just in a "heart eyes spindly toothpick" sort of way, in fact that really didn't develop until halfway through season 1 - which my therapist definitely doesn't need to analyze - but his personality and his subtle devotion to his squad sucked me in from the beginning. So even with how little we had of him this season (granted, what we did get was some of the best television I've ever watched), this season is up there for me.

The character development for all batchers but especially Omega, Tech, Echo, and Crosshair was intriguing and dynamic, and that's not to say Hunter and Wrecker didn't have their moments either. They did, they were just much more subtle. We saw a lot more of Hunter's enhanced senses at play and Wrecker's knowledge, not just fascination, of explosives, but that pales in comparison to the other four.

The universe expansion was everything to me. We don't have anything depicting the rise of the Empire. We've never seen it's take over and the effects that rippled across the galaxy. We've only ever seen the afterwards, so to get this eery and terrifying depiction is exactly how I'd expect the galaxy to feel during that time, and I really applaud the creators on being so detailed with it.

The Finale Episodes

Wow. Just, wow. Admittedly, I had two reactions to these episodes.

The first was as the Crosshair fan who's put a lot of my emotional stability on this group of animated misfits, and that reaction hated these episodes. Not because I didn't think they were done well (getting into that in a second) but because I latched onto the Bad Batch's dynamics as a family since TCW and I so deeply in my soul to the point it's almost a wound in my heart want them back together again. I fell in love with the TCW Bad Batch, and I want that dynamic back so I've been rooting for it since "Aftermath", and every time we were given crumbs of a possibility that could happen this season, I devoured them and clutched onto them like they were my lifeline. So yes, from that perspective I hated these episodes.

Now, from the Star Wars fan taking a step back from my fanon - holy freaking shit. I laughed. I cried. I sobbed. I oooo'd. I cheered. When they stopped "The Summit" in the middle of the action, similar to how they broke up "Spoils of War" and "Ruins of War", it hit me that we weren't getting the reunion I desperately hoped for, and I took a minute to grieve that, went into acceptance, and then dove into "Plan 99".

Again, were there points throughout both, especially "Plan 99", that I was going "oh I hope this happens" or "ok annnnnd now!"? Yeah, absolutely (cut to Omega waking up at Cid's and me going "nice this is when they reveal it was all a bad dream and Tech's gonna walk in in 3..2..1..."). Did I have 4 other endings in my head halfway through the episode? 1000%. But it's not my creation, and based off of what we were given all of season 2, it all made sense to me. Even the things that made me have to pause for 4 minutes while I sobbed into my hands.

We are set up for an extremely action packed, spy/political thriller filled, intriguing season 3, and that wouldn't have happened if the season didn't end the way it did. If it was all tied up neatly in a bow, then there would be a lot more doubt, in my mind, about 1. if we'd even get a season 3 and 2. what the heck it was going to be about.

I'm not going to get into individual character analyses, but I thought everyone was in character. There was not a moment in either episode I thought "huh that doesn't really fit does it?" All of them were on brand in my opinion, and I again encourage people to take a step back and separate fanon from canon.

So why the emotional impact?

One of the things I've really had to process and think through is why this finale was staying with me like it is. I mean, I've been a Star Wars fan since 1999. I lived through watching Revenge of the Sith in theaters. I, like many of us, watched "Victory and Death" at the beginning of a very dark time in the world. I gripped the edge of my theatre seat watching Rogue One, praying they made it out like I hadn't known the end of their story for 25 years. But none of those endings stayed with me the way TBB finale is.

Sometimes something stays with me for an hour, maybe more, but I've never had any show have a finale where throughout the day as I thought about it, I burst into tears in varying degrees, and I can feel that being the case for awhile. Honestly, I haven't put my finger fully on it yet, but I think one of the reasons why is because all of those other endings I mentioned above - ROTS, Rogue One, TCW - and really any Star Wars media so far, has not had such a sorrow filled ending in such a dark period of time without us knowing the story after already.

ROTS we knew the outcome of that 20 years before. Rogue One even longer. TCW was filling in the gaps of a story long concluded. The Mandalorian is set in a time when it's supposed to be peaceful and the galaxy is mostly living in the light, so even when Mando and Grogu are separated, it's sad to witness the pair be apart, but there's no umbrella threat that makes the separation dangerous.

We are in the darkest period of time that we as Star Wars fans know in TBB. That is the point of the series - it's not just about these clones and how they cope post war. It's we the fans seeing how terrifying the Empire is beyond just the two sith lords running it. The inner workings and how easily they squash hope within their own government. We as the fans are meant to watch the Batch and love the family but be terrified of what can be waiting for them around every corner.

And that's not to mention we have no idea what the fate of the clones is. First off, the events of A New Hope are 20 years away. Rebels and the Obi-Wan Kenobi show are the only medias we have depicting the time between ROTS and ANH, and they barely scratch the surface. Rex is canonically confirmed to survive to Return of the Jedi, and we have Gregor and Wolffe in Rebels, but where the heck are the rest of them. We don't know. We literally don't know, and we're now left to speculate what that could possibly entail for the clones (especially the Batch) on any given day, let alone when we're left with two of them as captives of the Empire and one "dead". It is, in my opinion, one of the most devastating endings to a Star Wars media because of the terror it can hold.

Tech's Fall

Why yes, this would be the part I had to pause the show for and sob over for 4 minutes.

Tech has been my second favorite member of the Batch since they were introduced in TCW. This unapologetic, enthusiastic nerd who knows what he likes and hyperfixates on it spoke to me on levels, as I know he did for many of you - especially after "The Crossing" (I personally cannot relate to the ND connection, but was really happy to see the community joyous over the moment).

I, like many of you have already said in your thought posts, had the growing pit in my stomach each time they developed his character. The constant-optimist in me latched onto the possibility that just once they wouldn't pull that shit on us, but obviously that wasn't the case.

Tech and Crosshair's sacrifices punch me in the gut. Both of them are to save their family and give their family a chance. To have Wrecker and Tech bicker back and forth even up to the last minute like brothers do, and then the fucking awful shot of Wrecker watching his brother fall knowing he did it so they could have a chance. As a sibling, I couldn't handle it (I've actually started crying again now writing this). If I was Tech and that was my family, I'd do the same thing. If I was Wrecker watching that in front of me, I'd be on my knees screaming.

The scene was shot chaotically to make us, the viewer, feel panic and feel the gravity of the situation the Batch was in while seeing tiny moments when maybe they could pull it off, maybe Tech is moving faster than we think, maybe the car will come online and speed away, all to keep us hanging on while feeling the pressure of the environment they were in to then watch the fall and feel anything but relief, just like the Batch.

Now, onto what's keeping me hanging on

Is Tech Dead?

No, and I'm blaming Echo for this, but I do not think he's dead. And I do not think that takes away from his sacrifice either.

First of all, this is Star Wars. Unless you see the body, they ain't dead. @jealous-sloth77 even made the point of Darth Maul in their thought post. My dude was cut in half and fell down a supposed never ending shaft, but came back with the v-neck of all v-necks and a 200 step revenge plan, then literally became the cockroach of Star Wars.

Let alone the direct parallels to Echo Tech's fate could have.

So stay with me on this for a second, and I may be giving Filoni and Corbett and Rau a little more credit than they deserve, but follow me here.

Echo's blown up at the citadel in Season 3 of TCW. Not season 6 and then reappears a season later. 4 seasons of separation, and given the cancellations and renewal breaks, you're talking literally 10 years in between his death and his revival, which narratively makes no sense to me. And don't get me wrong, I know the Dominos were a fan favorite and Fives and Echo were a fun pairing, but all in all, Echo appeared in five episodes? Maybe six before he's killed off? And only 3 of those was he a "main" character. Compared to many other clones and characters, that's not exactly a recipe for "bring the fan favorite back 10 years later". So that makes me think that Echo coming back, especially the way he did, was setting the ground work for something. Now hang with me here.

In Mando S2E1, Mando kills the Krayt dragon by going inside of it, a monster who's stomach is literally full of acid, and blows it up from the inside out, dramatically coming out pointedly covered in the krayt acid showing that it has no affect on beskar. Then 2 minutes later we get the cameo of Boba Fett in the sunset, a character who last we saw was swallowed by a monster, supposedly digesting in stomach acid. Then in Book of Boba Fett, we see that because of his beskar armor, he survived the sarlacc, etc, etc. My point is, Star Wars has recently developed a habit of setting long-con explanations in various medias. Planting the seed you could say. So it's not far fetched to theorize that they brought Echo back from a ship explosion that we were made to think nothing but his helmet survived so they could set the ground work for other characters to be dramatically saved/scavenged and "brought back to life".

I mean, this is the world of Palpatine clones so, it's not out there.

That's not to mention the scene of Hemlock bringing Tech's goggles to Ord Mantell and making a point of mocking his death in front of them. Hemlock's entire purpose is to unlock the cloning techniques of the Kaminoans, and suddenly the literal genius is separated from them, assumed dead. If I'm an evil-scientist like Hemlock, I'm figuring out anyway to make sure Tech's alive.

So yes that's a long-stretch plan that gives Corbett, Filoni, and Rau a lot of credit for potentially thinking multiple seasons of plot lines through at the beginning, which, honestly, would be a good strategy considering the time period they're navigating around so I don't think it's that crazy to consider.

However, the main fact that I'm latching onto that Tech's not dead is the same fact that I've latched onto ever since "Aftermath" to tell myself Crosshair will be back with the Batch someday, and that's because it narratively makes no sense in context to how the Batch were introduced to us to keep them separated.

Think back to TCW S7, when the Batch are introduced. That was 4 episodes highlighting a tight knit, unique, family unit who all complimented each other to round out an unbeatable unit. Their sibling dynamic was the main focus of that group and is what made me fall in love with them, and it made no sense to me that they separated that dynamic within the first 10 minutes of the first episode and now to further separate it by taking Tech away.

I feel this so strongly in regards to Crosshair and Tech. I was sad when Echo left, and I was confident he was going to be with them again, but his departure didn't hit me the same way as Crosshair's and now Tech's. It just does not make sense to me to have the OG 4 separated permanently given how they were presented to us. It would be one thing if they went all in on the "Crosshair's evil" route and semi bait-and-switched us, but given his evident loyalty to the Batch and clear, long path of him being back with them someday, it really would not make sense to me for them to "swap one out for the other". That, in my opinion, would be lazy writing, and with how much love and care the creators have shown this series, I cannot fathom them throwing in the towel like that.

Unfortunately until the new season, I'll sadly have to accept the fact that he is gone and in our eyes right now, he's dead. And that hurts. It really does, but boy, am I grasping onto this last analysis like it's my tether over Mustafar

Love ya all. Mama Tay is here with blankets and ice cream for the Tech babes if you need it. My man is unconscious on a torture table and my babygirl is a captive so we can all cry into the containers together

[hotcheetohatredwastaken]

7 & 10 or perish

7. Share a line/paragraph/snippet that you were especially proud of.

Okay so I love this chapter just for the fact that everything I've been setting up for 200,000+ words culminates in here (but this section I've chosen also should reveal nothing heu heu heu). Also @needfantasticstories complemented the wording of one of the sentences, and I seeing my work through another's eyes really makes me appreciate it? If you know what I'm saying? But yeah, I wrote this during the poetry section of my AP Literature class in high school, if you couldn't tell by my gratuitous use of alliteration, semicolons, and parallel sentence structure.

[Have I posted this before? I hope I haven't DX I am very proud of it. If I have let me know and I'll try to find something else]

Wild stepped into the ornate church. High stone ceilings flew overhead, lined with stained glass windows—depictions of their Golden Goddess—that sent shattered slivers of light dancing along the cold stone floor. Rows upon rows of lowly stone pews stood in ordered procession on either side of the walkway, stretching all the way to the raised platform at the front of the cathedral. A great statue, so unlike the one that he knew, loomed over it all. The Hylia he knew had hair of flowering vine, and robes of majestic moss; this one's every strand was spun of gold, this one's every fold formed of ivory. His Hylia’s face was of cracked calcite, worn down and rounded out over years of exposure to the elements; this one’s was of sharp, shining porcelain. Little gray wings he’d only ever seen tucked to her sides, like those of a Rito fledgling, were now golden and stretched out in their full glory. She did not lower her head over clasped hands in constant thought of her people, as said by her now-extinct priests; instead, her gaze was cast victoriously outwards, her hand thrust forwards like that of a sovereign, conquering queen. White rose petals drifted and fluttered gently down to lay scattered across the stone pews. They trailed after Wild, swirling around his ankles with every step, as he walked forwards in a dreamlike state to the foot of the statue. It only grew larger, more imposing, as he approached, and himself so much smaller.

10. What are your writing goals for the upcoming year?

Okay okay okay okay. Just because you asked, I'm going to end up having to write out my entire planned chapter by chapter schedule and pin it to the top of my blog, aren't I?

But for a summary, basically--right now I'm trying to finish up my Noble's Warning chapters, which will get me to through February and some of March, so that I can participate in FebWhump without juggling two projects. The Differences chapters, which are pretty much done besides a few select bits that actually need to be written, should carry me all the way to Spring Break and through. During Spring Break (cuz I'm a cringe college student) I will try to finalize enough to make it close to the Heal Chapters, which should free me up until finals are over in May/June-ish.

Summer is when things get real. That's when I'll evaluate how much of Arc 2 I have done and how much time I think I need to finish it. If I'm ahead of schedule, I'll make sure I've hit all the finishing touches for Arc 1 and start releasing chapters twice a week. If not, I'll give myself more time with the once a week updates. Plus, I want to take a break between Arc 1 and 2 just to let ya'll squirm, so that gives me at least a month, I think, depending how hard ya'll cry at me to continue. There's also a whole timeline thing there of whether I want to do flashbacks of a section or if I just wanna say F it we ball, but that's beside the point.

If I do once a week releases, I already have enough planned content for Arc 1 + the occasional Prologue pieces to get me through the entire year and then some. So yeah, that's the plan for the year :D

[kobold-that-bites-people]

dunno if this will get to anyone that it's relevant to, but as a transfem that's had bottom surgery (a rather standard penile inversion vaginoplasty) and is mostly recovered at this point, i'd like to give a few notes on my experience. hopefully it reaches some people who are considering and would be helped by such anecdotes. anyway, in no particular order,

it's major surgery. recovery is gonna suck about the same as other major surgeries. that said, a lot of the discomfort is frontloaded. in my case, i experienced about 2/3 of the pain i could attribute to recovery over the last six months, in the first week. the sheer drop in pain once the catheter came out alone was night and day. the first week was miserable though, you *need* someone, ideally multiple someones, who can look after you through that stage. (if you are in the green lands of not america, or just are well funded, many hospitals will look after you for the first week or so, but as a broke american i was only in hospital for about a day and a half. maybe two days, memory is a little fuzzy from the opiates (which i stopped almost as soon as i got out of the hospital, the brain fog from opiates is real)

it's been said other places, but it is really likely you will experience a lot of emotions during recovery. this can take a lot of forms, but in my case i had to grapple with a lot of "doubts" about if it was even what i wanted, if it was worth it to me, if it even looked natural enough, and so on. part of that is just that it's a major change in your body image, so doubts are normal and expected. part of it is that after major physical trauma like surgery, your body will amplify a lot of emotions intensely. try not to listen to the dysphoria talking when things still need to heal. the difference between a week from the surgery and a couple months later is *massive*.

this might be obvious to a lot of people, but for people like me that have only ever been even slightly intimate with partners that have cocks, pussies come in a *lot* of shapes. the very limited range depicted in a lot of common art and porn and games and so on, is simply not a representative sample of all the shapes that a pussy can be. despite my anxieties over my own, every person that has seen it so far has either had explicit compliments, or at least backhanded ones about how "normal" it looks.

despite how cautious doctors will be about promising function, it is entirely possible you'll have every function you might expect from a natal vagina. i get a not insignificant amount of self lubrication, can feel everything better than i dared hope for, and despite having to completely relearn what motions work for it i can reliably reach orgasms just as well as i could pre-op. that said, i don't self lubricate quite as much as *some* cis women manage. it's usually enough for fingering myself, but if i wanted to use a toy, or be penetrated by a partner, it simply isn't reasonable to go without generous lube. mostly because while i have some self-lubrication, it isn't exactly produced *quickly*, and friction can quickly dry it up, especially outside my entrance.

dilation can be many things, but it's usually mostly just tedious. it hurt *some* at the start, but once the swelling went down it generally only hurt as i went up a size. nowadays i only feel a miniscule amount of pain with the stretch as i work my largest dilator in, and that fades within about 30 seconds. the better you are at getting it done reliably, the less it will hurt. missing a session, especially earlier in recovery, will be *felt* the next time you dilate.

if you are open about your having had bottom surgery, or end up hospitalized from complications thereof, (as i did, i'll spare the medical details) there are a lot of people that will try to justify wanting to see, for motives that i'll leave as an exercise to the reader to deduce. such people will include doctors, nurses, and plenty of people with more spurious motives. i've had more people barge in on me while i was dilating within the last months since i had bottom surgery, than ever barged in on me while i was masturbating in the earlier 26 years of my life. *please* be aware that part of being perceived as "more a woman" is that you will likely experience more such attentions, in the various forms that takes. sometimes positive it is true, but usually not.

[claudemblems]

One Step At a Time | TWST

Summary: You've never been in a relationship, but you've had bad experiences with romance. Guys have confessed their attraction to you, but you've never shared their feelings. Now that you're in a relationship with Leona, you want him to be aware of your past and ask him if he would be willing to take things slow.

Notes: Totallyyyy not based on my own experiences. Self-indulgent, but I'm sure some of you can relate. Also, I haven't finished chapter 2 of TWST yet, so I'm just hoping that my depiction of Leona is in-character :,)

"The first guy completely blindsided me with his confession--well, I actually never got a confession. He just asked me on a date out of nowhere. Then the second guy ghosted me when I didn't like the idea of getting cozy with him. It was only the second time we met! Ugh. Of course nothing turned out how I imagined it in my head. Just my luck."

Leona listened intently as the two of you strode down the hallway, thoughts of your stressful class replaced with the allure of a delicious lunch waiting for you. Grim and the others had already left, eager to get the best items before they sold out, but Leona had stayed behind and waited for you while you spoke with your professor. It only took a few minutes to have your questions about a class project answered before the pair of you were on your way.

"I didn't mind at first because I realized I wasn't that into him anyways, but it kinda destroyed my self-esteem. It's like I'm only worth what I can give. But I don't want to give myself so freely, especially not just to anyone..."

Leona sensed your shift in mood as you started to grow quiet, taking notice of your slightly hunched shoulders and downturned lips.

"If a guy is only concerned about what will make him satisfied, then he's not worth your time," Leona answered without hesitation. "Relationships are a two-way street. If you're asking me, he helped you dodge his own bullet."

"But do I really mean that little? Just because I don't tell them yes, I'm as good as nothing...?"

"Oi, Herbivore."

Leona stopped in his tracks, placing his hands on your shoulders. You raised your head up to meet his gaze, and the hurt in your eyes wounded him more than any injured pride of his ever could.

"Your worth is not dependent on anyone. People will look down on you and take advantage of you whenever they can, but that's just how people are." A brief wave of sadness flashed in Leona's eyes as if he were recalling something from his own experience. "You're the smartest, prettiest, and most kind-hearted person out of everyone that I know. If some idiot makes you doubt that, tell me. I'll make sure to set him straight."

"Leona..."

Your heart stirred in your chest. You knew from the look in his eyes that he meant every word. And words--genuine ones--often proved hard for him to say out loud. But he'd tried his best for you; you were the only one who could see him for who he truly was, not the uncaring façade he fooled others with.

"You could say that I'm able to relate with your situation. I'm not dealing with romance troubles, but people view me the same way. I may just be a second son, but I'm a prince nonetheless. I've seen time and time again how people try to leech off my name and fortune." Leona scoffed, holding back any further heated insults on his tongue. "When they find out I'm not willing to do them any favors, suddenly my existence doesn't matter to them anymore. They want me to be a pawn in their game, but I'm not about to give up my crown for anyone. I'm the king on the chess board, and they're simply the knights doing my bidding."

"I'm sorry that people treat you that way, Leona."

"But that's my point. They don't care about me as a person, but you," Leona lifted a hand to your cheek, his thumb gently brushing against your skin, "you've always seen the person underneath. You're a one-of-a-kind, and that's exactly why you shouldn't let some worthless idiots tell you otherwise."

You smiled, leaning into his warm palm. "You always know how to comfort me. Thank you."

"It's the truth. You don't need to thank me for it."

"There is something I'd like to say though, if you don't mind."

"Mmm. What is it?"

"Um..."

You let Leona take your hand in his, fingers interlocking. You felt his thumb rub against your knuckles, and the gesture helped soothe your anxiety.

"This is my first relationship, as you know. I get kinda nervous thinking about doing more intimate stuff like kissing and cuddling. It's not that I don't want to, but after those guys confessed to me and I didn't return the same level of interest, I sort of got an aversion to all that kind of stuff. I've just had bad experiences, and I'm an anxious person, so if it's okay with you, I'd like to take it slow..."

Leona propped his free hand on his hip, giving you a small smile. "Have you really been worried about asking me this?"

"Yes."

"For how long?"

"Too long."

Leona sighed softly before outstretching his hand, asking to hold your other one. When you obliged, he gave them a squeeze of reassurance.

"Of course we can take it slow, but you shouldn't have to ask me for permission. Like I said, relationships go both ways. I'll never do something that makes you uncomfortable."

You exhaled the breath you'd been holding, a relieved smile appearing on your face. "You're right. Thank you."

"I was hoping to take it slow, too. I'm not accustomed to being all lovey and stuff, and I don't know if I'm any good at it. I imagine it'd be too much whiplash for you anyways if I suddenly started clinging onto you constantly."

You broke into a fit of laughter, and Leona couldn't help but join you. "Yeah. I'm not sure how Jack and Ruggie would be able to handle you acting like a lovestruck fool, either."

"Tch, as if I'd ever let them see me when I'm sappy."

"But you've been sappy around them plenty of times."

"I think your memory is a little hazy, Herbivore."

"Mhmm. Sure."

"Hey, Leona, [Name], you better hurry if you don't want all the deluxe menchi katsu sandwiches to be snatched up!"

You and Leona turned your attention to Deuce and Ace who stood at the other end of the hallway, hurriedly waving at you to follow them. You figured that they must have just finished getting scolded by one of their teachers if they weren't already downstairs devouring their lunches

You squeezed Leona's hand, sending him a playful grin. "They're right. We should head over to the cafeteria so you can get your sandwich. I know how insufferable you can be when you haven't eaten your favorite food for lunch."

"You're calling me insufferable?"

"You don't know what it's like to be on the receiving end of your complaints."

Leona rolled his eyes, but his grip never loosened on your hand as the two of you joined Deuce and Ace. With your laughter and conversations filling the air, all your previous worries began to dissipate. Now, your current concern was if you would still be able to buy one of those delectable strawberry tarts. Even though there might not be any left, you were sure Leona would be willing to pull a few strings in order to get you one. You just might have to strike up a deal with him first.

Perhaps a kiss in return would suffice. Just one. You'd need to save more for favors in the future...