#and how every adult in his life tries to be a role model like his neighbors and clothes designers and lawyers

[vaugarde]

finished kotaro lives alone

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen, sorry for dumping a big rant in your askbox but your blog has helped me figure out my identity and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life lol. Feel free to delete if this is too weird.

So I’m a 17 y/o butch, and I have been masculine since I was a little kid. I always felt lucky to have a family that was generally okay with my gender nonconformity. They treated it like a cute quirk of mine, and I never felt like I was being judged or that I should change the way I am around them. My dad got a kick out of it. One summer he let me help him build the deck in our backyard. He always took me to baseball games, he dressed me up in his old clothes, basically treated me like I was his son and I loved it.

I feel like as I get older, my masculinity becomes less acceptable. I went to visit my paternal grandmother for the holidays, hadn’t seen her in a few years, and the first thing she said to me was “I thought you would’ve grown out of all that by now” (in reference to my haircut and outfit, I think.) I just don’t know how to react to the way my extended family treats me now. They used to be totally fine with it, but I spent my entire Christmas feeling like I was being judged for every little thing.

Like, what’s changed? Why is it cute and funny when a little girl wears boy’s clothes and wrestles with her cousins, but disgusting when I grow up and settle into my masculinity?

It’s like I’ve crossed the invisible line between being a tomboy and being a dyke, and now no one wants to entertain it anymore.

Again, sorry for the rant haha, I just feel like I’m going crazy because I tried to talk to my sister about it and she said she didn’t notice them acting any different, but I swear my aunt spent half of our Christmas dinner telling me how pretty I would be if I just wore a bit of makeup lmaoo. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, because I’m feeling pretty lost right now. Thanks, and happy holidays!

It is not weird at all. I hear that young lesbians, particularly butches, do not have older role models to bounce ideas off of or vent or get any perspective on certain experiences. Moms and Dads and straight sisters and cousins, no matter how well meaning, will just not always "get" what is happening. They say things like "we love you no matter what" and "we don't care if you are a lesbian" and they mean it, mostly. But they often don't see the subtle clues (or blatant ones)they toss around that indicates how uncomfortable they are with you being so visible, but just existing as you naturally are.

AND OH MY GOSH yes I have experienced exactly what you are talking about with the deepening judgement as you move from a cute little Tomboy to an adult butch women. It is almost like they hope to "catch it early" when we are in our teens and redirect us away from the "danger" of being a visible lesbian. And a woman who does not, in very overt ways, conform to their idea of how a woman should be and act.

My dad was relatively consistent in treating me pretty much like he would a son and, to his credit, he did so with my straight sister. We were allowed to do just about anything my older brothers did. In part because my sister was pretty strong willed but also a lot like him. I was less strong willed but she had mowed the path.

Mom was the one who was forever concerned about my looks and behavior, both out of worry I would not fit in, and because she had a certain expectation of how her daughter should grow up. Both normal Mom reactions. She understood bullies and knew that sticking out could be difficult. Her solution was not to strengthen my resilience but to attempt to "tone me down". Her efforts increased as I made the jump from kid to teen and into my late teens. She would discourage me from cutting my hair, becoming almost angry when I brought it up. She would tell me how lovely I was in dresses and skirts and say thing like " a little make up would be nice". It got really old. It lead to us not always getting along even though I loved and respected my mom. She was a great mom. But this one thing made us both crazy. She could not cool it and I could not change who I was.

Friends at school saw hints of my liking girls. I stopped wearing cowboy boots and my favorite horse buckle and it their place went with K Mart Tennis shoes and a generic belt that came with my pants, again, from Kmart. I put away the cowboy fringed shirts and flannel and went with simple jeans and sweatshirts, the acceptable attire for boys and girls in my rural high school. I kept my hair long to disguise my "looking like a boy" traits.

I (barf) agreed to date a boy and spent the better part of that time making excuses to not kiss him or spent time with him. I was starting to listen to mom and do my best to hide ME from the world. Anything (with in reason) to throw the world off the scent, the scent of me being a lesbian. Being butch made that one more step difficult.

It is hard to hide the space we take up naturally.

It might seem hard to see it now by your family is slightly well intentioned, knowing that being "seen" easily as a lesbian can be dangerous. But also, they are uncomfortable with your energy and physical presence because it does not coincide with their ideas of what a woman acts, feels and moves like. This is a THEM problem and I can give you words of comfort based on experience.

The more you begin to be you, and dress in what gives you comfort the more your confidence will grow and be evident. People who are emboldened to try and change you for their own comfort tend to back way off when there is no opening for their opinions. They just sort of realize they are wasting time. AND for those that don't, there are always a few, you don't have to give them any air or acknowledgement. You get to let them waste time and energy while you look great in whatever you wish to wear and however you wish to cut your hair. And in a wonderful turn around, you don't have to spend any effort just being you or trying to defend or correct them.

You are fast approaching adulthood and with that will come even more freedom and independence. Don't rush it but also, work towards that.

[geminiskulleta]

This is my very first post, and after seeing all of the lu and loz fanart on tumblr I thought what if all of the zeldas across each era in Hyrule came together linked universe style? I know this isn’t an original thought by any means but I think a story for the zeldas would be super cute and I’d like to show what my take on a Zelda story would be.

I designed a new lullaby (OOT Zelda) and I’d like to see your thoughts on her: Anything I could improve? Anyone else you’d like to see? Please let me know - hope you like it🫶🫶

Lullaby - the queen

Link: Hero of Time

Age: Early 30’s - The same age physically as Time and a year older than Malon.

• She is also known as the princess of destiny, and was surprised to have found out that nearly all of the Zeldas have heard of her and that She and Time became legends.

• The wisest and oldest of all the Zeldas, the unofficial leader.

• Very protective and caring towards the others - seen as the “mom” of the group.

• Holds a lot of regret for her past mistakes and the splitting of timelines (She remembers the events of OOT as she was a past user of the Ocarina. In every instance where time is rewound, she remembers even if it isn’t her that uses it. The same is true with Time.)

• Tries to be a good role model for the other Zeldas as she knows they look up to her, she feels a lot of pressure to be a perfect queen.

• Much less sure of herself than Time, her biggest fear is making mistakes that effect others and constantly second guesses herself. She tries her best to put on a brave face.

•She knows that Fable, Dusk and Tetra are her successors- each from a different timeline, but she is unsure how to tell them.

• She knew about the timeline where she and link lost against Ganondorf and the timeline that she and link had left behind, but never knew what became of it. She was distraught when she found out it had been flooded and turned into the great sea.

•She is able to see into the future, as she grew up her power became much stronger- her prophecies have never been wrong.

•She doesn’t dream anymore: She can only have visions. By closing her eyes and focusing very hard she can see tiny snippets of the future like flashes that will leave her to decipher their meaning, but the only way to get a clear vision is to fall asleep.

• When she has trouble sleeping, she will hum Zelda’s Lullaby, the others never comment on it as they fear she will stop.

•She will always listen to other people’s problems and do whatever it takes to help. She often puts others before herself and is very rarely selfish.

• She shares the trait of being too absorbed in work and pushing herself too far just like Flora. She just doesn’t know her limits when it comes to things such as that and she feels that no matter what she does, it will never be enough

• Needs reading glasses but the others make fun of her and call her Grandma when she puts them on

Relationship with Link:

• As children, she and time were friends but they drifted as they grew up.

• During her time as Sheik she trained hard for seven years; learning how to fight, mastering magic and learning everything there is to know about the temples and how to help link on his adventure.

• She remembers everything from the timeline that Time left, as she was a user of the ocarina. Much like him, she had the opportunity to relive the childhood that was taken from her but she would never be the same again. She was hardened by her and Times adventure. He told her some of what happened in Majoras mask and she felt like she was responsible for everything that happened to their kingdom, to her father, to Link. She began to avoid him due to crippling self hatred and believed that he was a living reminder of her failiures. He was very broken from Majoras mask and was in a dark place in his life. He didn’t care whether anyone stayed or left for a long time and his walls were only broken down when he met Malon again.

• When Lullaby and Time would talk as adults they were very formal and distant with one another. They felt on guard towards one another and didn’t know exactly why, as Time held no ill will towards the queen and Lullaby could never bring herself to hate him.

• As Time matured, his walls were broken down by Malon and he allowed himself to make connections and feel again. But Lullaby never had someone like that to help her through her pain, and she threw herself into her work to become a truly great queen. She was formal and almost robotic to anyone she met.

• As Time allowed himself to heal he would wonder about Zelda, but never reached out. He could never figure out why he was like this, why the thought of seeing Lullaby again scared him, but he was never understanding of his emotions.

• She and Malon are actually great friends and though they’re often too busy to see each other they send letters all the time.

• Fun fact: She planned and officiated Time and Malons wedding. She felt as though she owed it to Time and this is where she and Malon started to get to know eachother.

• She and Time haven’t properly spoken since the wedding. They spoke briefly and Time saw just how closed off Zelda was. He could see that she had been in an awful state of mind but he felt like he couldn’t help her. He wasn’t able to, he wasn’t strong enough.

• the whole ‘ age thing’ effects her too since she remembers the adult timeline. She says she is 34 but she doesn’t exactly know her age.

[sammycutiepie]

cursed love

chapter 2

pairing: suguru geto x fem!reader

word account: 5.2k

synopsis: When Yui returns after a year she finds that everything had changed, Suguru had changed, he had become a complete stranger. Promises were broken, like fragile threads left alone by the weight of disappointment. The darkness had invaded all love, cursing it forever.

Ten years later there was Yui in the hospital, after that idiot Gojo Satoru sent two first-year students on a mission that surpassed them in experience and skill.

“How is Maki-san?” Okkotsu Yuuta asked with that melancholic expression that characterized him, he always seemed as if he wanted to die.

Yui looked at her student and then at his curse, Rika, who hugged him protectively, wary of any threat that could put her loved one's life at risk. Yui smiled sideways, Okkotsu believed that Rika had cursed him when things had gone the other way, but she would not reveal that information, that was his turn as part of his canonical event.

"She's fine, Okkotsu, you don't need to worry." Yui wanted to pet his head, but Rika had her sights on her, and they certainly shouldn't make a spectacle of themselves at the hospital.

Yui raised her head and looked for Gojo, he was in the corner, playing with the water dispenser, looking as careless and childish as always.

“Why don't you get yourself some tea? It'll be good for you." Yui advised him, stabbing imaginary daggers into the stronger's head.

Okkotsu got the message and left his teachers alone.

“Will you ever stop endangering the lives of others?”

“They're fine, plus I was outside the curtain in case something went wrong.” Gojo repeated what he had already told the superiors.

“I know you did it to pressure Okkotsu to use his dominance over Rika.”

“And it worked, didn’t it?”

“That's not the point, Gojo. They are our students, they are under our care, they trust us, we are their role models. You should act like a responsible adult for once.”

Gojo had the feeling that he was talking to a sad version of Suguru, actually he had the theory that Yui had copied Suguru's personality to feel close to him, this in a desperate attempt to fill the emotional gaps that were left in the aftermath after his departure.

And everyone had noticed the big change in Hayashi Yui, she was no longer the sweet naive girl who with a smile or a silly joke brightened the day of others, now she was a cold and composed woman who distanced her emotions from the work environment. In fact, Gojo doubted she had a personal life outside of work. She seemed so alone and unavailable, and Gojo himself had tried countless times to change that, but Yui kept walking away, it was as if she was afraid of being abandoned like Suguru did to her.

“Can you skip the morality talk? It’s boring.” Gojo yawned shamelessly.

“Is that the kind of education that you give to the Zen'in boy?”

Yui knew that Gojo only cared for Fushiguro Megumi for selfish reasons, she was pretty sure he saw him as a replacement for Suguru.

Gojo lowered the blindfold that covered his eyes a little to give her a warning look, he didn't liked the tone she used.

“Don't talk about Megumi.”

“Amazing performance, I almost believe for a minute that you care about someone else besides yourself.” Yui spat out those words with venom.

It wasn't a surprise that Yui held a grudge against him because of Suguru, and Gojo didn't blame her, because he beat himself up every damn day of his miserable existence for not having saved his best friend.

“Please try to keep your personal problems with me separate from work, that's not very professional of you.”

Yui was hesitant to add one more thing, but after a few seconds she regretted it.

“I'll leave now that I know everyone is okay. Call me if any problem arises.”

❪∘∘∘❫

“I don't know if I'll be able to tomorrow, I'll probably have to help with the report and go inspect the primary school.” Yui let out a kind of frustrated groan, since thanks to Gojo's irresponsibility she had to sacrifice her day off.

She entered the apartment and left her coat on the coat rack, listening to the man on the line talk to her about the banalities of his day. When she turned on the lights she got paralyzed. Her ears rang and her lungs filled with cold air. She couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing, for a moment she thought she was hallucinating like in the first months, but after pinching her forearm she verified that what she had in front of her was real, very real.

"I'll call you later." She didn't even wait for a response to end the call.

"Welcome home."

Suguru.

Geto Suguru was there, sitting peacefully on her black leather couch.

He looked older and it was logical. His hair was longer and was no more tied up, it fell over his back like a cloak of a starless night. His facial features were hardened, leaving behind the freshness of coveted youth. He was wearing a golden rakusu with green checkered patterns, and underneath a blue yukata, he looked like a monk.

"What do you want?"

Yui knew that a normal person would react differently to finding her ex-boyfriend in what would be judicially considered a home invasion, however, as far as possible, she decided to take it calmly and seriously.

“I didn't know you smoked.” Suguru took the box of cigarettes he had found and threw it on the ground in a disapproving gesture. “Did Shoko give you her bad habit?”

"Stop talking." Yui whispered, her nails tearing the skin of her palms in an attempt to keep herself mentally composed.

“Aren't you happy to see me?” Suguru put on a rather ironic sad expression.

And that was all to unleash hell.

“Am I a joke to you?” Yui raised her voice, caring very little if her neighbors heard her.

"Why do you say that?"

Suguru was wearing out her patience with each new stupid question.

“How dare you show up here after ten years? Acting like nothing happened.” Yui looked at Suguru like he was crazy.

"I missed you."

Oh no, those words were dangerous, they unearthed feelings that Yui didn't want to deal with again.

Not this time. Yui wouldn't let him get under her skin.

"Liar." She spoke with contempt, a lot of contempt.

Suguru stood up and approached her, daring to wipe the tears from her face.

Damn, was she crying? Since when? Yui didn't recognized the feeling, because she had long since taken that privilege away from herself, the privilege of being vulnerable and sensitive.

And why did Suguru's touch feel so good?

It wasn't reasonable, it wasn't reasonable for her to let herself be touched by the man who destroyed her.

"I'm not lying. I miss you, Yui.” Suguru said with that calm voice that stole so many sighs from her back time. He leaned forward, with clear intentions of kissing her, but Yui was faster and broke the physical contact in time.

“Don't say my name so familiarly, you don't deserve that privilege.” She looked so broken as she cried, and it was all Suguru's fault.

“You're annoyed, I understand.” Suguru tried to sound sympathetic, but managed just the opposite.

"Annoyed?" Yui opened her eyes as wide as an owl. How did he have the nerve to say such nonsense?

She followed her intrusive thought and slapped him.

“I fucking hate you, every part of me hates your fucking self. I hate waking up every day and knowing that you breathes the same air as me. If it were possible to remove from my mind all the memories I have with you, I would do it without thinking about it. And if I could make one wish it would be to never have met you. So I feel more for you than just a simple annoyance, Geto Suguru.”

“Hate is a powerful feeling, it makes me happy to know that you feel that way about me.” Suguru caressed where he had been hit, the area was hot and burned a little, he laughed, admiring his girl's strength.

“Stop that behavior!” Yui screamed, pulling her hair and breathing heavily, she no longer knew what to do or what to feel, everything was becoming confusing and she didn't like that.

“What behavior?”

There was another stupid and unnecessary question.

“I'm furious and it drives me crazy to see you so calm when I'm a fucking mess of emotions!”

"You look flawless to me. "

Suguru took the time to observe the new version of Yui. She no longer had bangs and she didn't keep her hair long either; her current style consisted of a bob cut above her shoulders, not too short. Her fashion sense was also different, the pastel colors and baggy clothes had no longer existed, now she looked elegant and very classy, ​​the dress she was wearing might have looked simple, but you could clearly tell that the fabric was designer.

"I have changed." She said with her chin held high, satisfied with the person she had worked so hard to become.

“I can say it. You look stronger. I’m proud of you.” Once again, he smiled, as if that simple gesture couldn't turn Yui's world upside down.

Screw him, she didn't need his approval.

“I want to kill you.” She admitted without hesitation.

Suguru laughed very loudly, finding what Yui had just said extremely funny.

“And what's stopping you?” He didn't give in to the threat, on the contrary, he only provoked it further, Suguru had never been good at measuring danger, in fact, he was a little addicted to it.

It was only enough to move a few centimeters closer to destroy the sorceress's confidence.

"I don't know." She avoided eye contact.

"Come on, I know that you know." Suguru hummed, mocking her.

He took Yui's chin between his long fingers and forced her to look at him.

“Be honest, tell me what you feel.”

And as if it had enchanted her, Yui's tongue was unleashed to spread information like never before.

“My head tells me to finish you, to rip out your heart and crush it like you did mine. But my body doesn't obey, it's as if it were forbidden to do you any kind of harm. Have you cursed me?” That was the most logical reason Yui had found.

Suguru smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear, his index finger brushing against her earlobe and Yui felt her body burn with desire.

“And what is love but another curse?”

This time it was Yui who smiled, she had missed his deep poetic phrases.

Suguru put a hand on her waist and squeezed her tightly, Yui moaned and tightened her grip on his clothes. Their breathing was labored, the room was warm despite the heater. There was so much tension that it could be cutted with a pair of dull scissors.

“Would you consider me shameless if I admitted that I love having power over you?”

“I hate you… I hate you so much.” Yui buried her head in Suguru's worked pecs.

"I love you." Suguru hugged her and swayed their bodies from side to side.

Instead of feeling overjoyed, she felt fucking sad.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to me? Why do you come back now that I'm fine? It’s not fair, you don’t have the right to do this to me, you don’t.” She hit his chest without force.

"I wanted to see you." Suguru said it with shocking simplicity.

How could he express himself so easily? Did he not have pride or common sense like the others?

Yui pushed him just a little so she could see his face, she was crying again.

“You're a fucking cynical selfish piece of shit.”

Suguru was surprised, the Yui he knew wouldn't dare to curse so freely.

“You needed this as much as I did. And you’re not okay, you can’t pretend with me, not like you do with that man.” Suguru's voice wouldn't have sounded any different to other people, but to Yui who knew him well, it did, she could detect a ring of apathy and even annoyance.

“How do you know I'm seeing someone else?” She asked with narrowed eyes, wary beforehand.

Had he heard her phone call? No, it was impossible, she had shown no signs of closeness… So how?

“I've been away but I haven't missed anything in your life. I know what you do on a daily basis, the time you go to bed and get up, what you eat at each time, the number of kilometers you run each morning. When you come home from work and take off your shoes to dance to depressing songs from the eighties, and then you go to the kitchen, open your favorite bottle of white wine and spend the whole night drinking, alone and sad.”

Now that Suguru had described her routine out loud Yui realized that it sounded pitiful.

When had she herself become so pitiful?

“Have you been harassing me?” She laughed unamusedly.

“Could it really be considered harassment if the alleged victim was aware all the time?”

He was right.

Yui had always had that feeling of being watched, and now she knew it hadn't been paranoia.

“You knew as well as I did that this would happen, our reunion was written in the pages of destiny. That feeble attempt you are making to forget me will not work, Nanami Kento will never be able to take my place.”

Yui didn't know why she was suddenly upset, if it was because of Suguru's ego or because she was hearing the truth?

“You can refuse, you can push me and expel me from your life forever, you have the power to do so. So do it, tell me that you don't love me, tell me that you don't wake up at midnight screaming my name, tell me that you don't lie when you convince yourself that you're better off without me, tell me that that hurt heart doesn't continue beating just for me.”

"I can't." Yui sobbed, too shocked to think clearly.

"Why? Tell me why." Suguru was pushing her to her limits.

She then decided not to give any more thought and to be honest, to surrender to the arms of spontaneity and throw away the words that corrupted her from within.

“Because my soul still claims yours. The mornings are blue without your laughter in the background, the coffee no longer tastes like anything to me, and this house is just an empty place with nice furniture, it doesn't feel like it's mine and that's because��� You are my only home.”

Suguru didn't wait any longer and connected their lips, and like old acquaintances they greeted each other energetically. The kiss was not premeditated and much less perfect, in fact, it had been a complete disaster, a mess of saliva and clicking, but oh… how good it felt. It was similar to the feeling of stepping on fresh sand on a summer day, or when a mother prepared her child's favorite meal, there was no greater reward for two inveterate lovers than the sweet taste of reunion.

“Are you going to leave me again?” Yui had to ask, she had to be sure, and her fear was reflected in the way she squeezed Suguru's wrist, refusing to let go, because she thought that if she stopped touching him at some point he would vanish like fog.

“No, not this time.” Suguru kissed her forehead and they both melted into a healing hug.

That night they met again, and again, and again. They discovered new sensations, smells that evoked forgotten memories, they entered a labyrinth of whispers and caresses, where each touch was a dance full of contained passion. The words had been suspended in the air, eclipsed by the symphony of muffled moans and intertwined sighs. These were two souls entangled in an eternal embrace, where there were no clocks or limits, only the burning and fleeting present that belonged to them in their own right.

Just for that night they forgot everything and everyone. That night it was just them. Suguru and Yui, a normal boy and a normal girl.

❪∘∘∘❫

Yaga, through a warning call, gathered all the sorcerers outside the school without giving an apparent explanation.

Yui was accompanied by Nanami, as well as other sorcerers such as Ino and Mei Mei, including the auxiliary assistants, with Ijichi being the head of these. Yui had always found Ijichi admirable, the way he always went out of his way to be helpful was worthy of respect.

Upon arriving at the place, the seriousness of the situation was understood. In front of them was Geto Suguru along with his henchmen, and the most worrying thing of all was that the first-year students were dangerously exposed and surrounded by them. However, luckily for everyone, Gojo was also there, so the risk gradually decreased, although of course, they should not let their guard down.

Yui internally wondered what Suguru intended to do.

And she got her answer quickly when she saw who he was hugging.

Okkotsu Yuuta.

She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists, that was why he had stayed in her apartment yesterday, that was why he had looked for her, to get information from her about the rookie sorcerer, he wanted to get the Rika curse. In fact, Yui was sure that if she went home now she wouldn't find Okkotsu's file anywhere.

She had been tricked by Suguru, again.

Okkostu showed resistance to Suguru's deceptive tactics, and even though he smiled as if nothing had happened, Yui could see through him, because for a textbook manipulator like Geto Suguru, not gaining mental control over his target was fucking stressful and humiliating.

“And what did you hope to achieve by coming?” Gojo broke silence, asking the question that had those present intrigued.

“I declare war on you.” He said staring at Yui.

The first-grade sorceress felt a chill run down her spine. Wars only brought loss, death and destruction. Did Suguru really want that? Were his ideals so important? Was his grudge against the world of sorcery so important as to cause such a catastrophe?

“Everyone here, open your ears wide and pay attention. Next December 24, at dusk we will celebrate the night parade of the hundred demons. It will be made in the greatest crucibles of Curses: Shinjuku in Tokyo and the mecca of sorcery, Kyoto. We will release a thousand curses in every place. And of course, his orders will be to “massacre.” If you don't want all hell to break loose, then you're going to have to stop us. Let's curse each other freely.” Suguru smiled in the most sinister way.

Suguru, in his desire to exterminate humanity, would achieve the opposite; sorcerers were not exactly an abundant species, and a war between them would bring depopulation and ruin.

Yui knew that would only end one way.

A victory and a defeat.

And she was aware of something, and that was that she would not be a participant in that chaos.

Yui was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Gojo threaten Suguru not to let him go. Suguru invoked curses all over the place, revealing the difference of power.

Yui feared the worst and touched her necklace, ready to attack at any moment. But the truth is that she would not fight for the school, despite everything, she still felt the instinct to protect Suguru.

She felt like a traitor, and wasn't she?

What would the higher-ups do if they found out about her weakness for Geto Suguru?

Would they condemn her to death too? Would they consider her a threat to the world of wizardry?

"See you on the battlefield."

❪∘∘∘❫

While Yui was looking for the keys in her bag, she thought about the meeting they had had to strategize for December 24. When Yui confessed to Yaga that she had not the slightest interest in participating, he went crazy and even repeated to her on several occasions that he was very disappointed of her. Yui knew that her lack of responsibility as a sorceress would bring her consequences, or some kind of punishment, but she didn't care. She was tired and had no strength to fight, not against Suguru.

And as if she had summoned him, she found him again on her couch.

“Are you getting into the habit of coming into my house whenever you feel like it?” Yui walked to the kitchen and placed the purchases on the table.

“I thought you might be surprised to see me.” Suguru stood up from the furniture and stretched like a cat.

Yui took an apple and joined the raven-haired man in the living room.

“And I thought you already had all the information you needed about Okkotsu Yuuta.” She bit into the fruit of sin and raised an eyebrow as a form of sarcasm at what she had said.

“That wasn't my only goal in coming yesterday.” He even had the nerve to admit it, but Yui saw it better that way, she was tired of games and lies.

They suddenly fell silent, and even though it wasn't an awkward silence, Yui could sense the anxiety in Suguru, he had something on his mind that he was dying to let out.

“Aren't you going to ask me about what I said at school today? Don't you want explanations? Aren’t you curious?”

There was. Apparently, he hadn't changed as much as Yui thought.

The girl took one last bite of the apple and set it aside.

“Suguru, if I've learned anything it's not to overthink when it comes to you. If I try to understand you, I will be trapped in my common sense that tells me what is right and what is not, that way everything would be meaningless because we would never agree.”

“You have matured a lot.” Suguru looked proud, and Yui hated the emotion that came from being admired by that cruel man.

`Yes, and you weren't there to see it,' Yui piled that thought together with the rest of the complaints that she always kept silent about.

“You would never start a war you couldn't win. You have another plan.” And that wasn't even a question, there wasn't even a hint of uncertainty in her tone of voice, Yui was completely sure.

“Any asumptions?” He looked a little too excited for Yui's liking.

“I know that your main target is Okkotsu, or rather, Rika. You want to add it to your collection of curses.”

“You are so smart, what a waste of talent and power.” Suguru sighed, resting his face in his hands.

Yui knew where he was going with that hint, it was clear that Suguru wanted to recruit her into his kind of sect.

"Get to the point. I know you want to tell me your evil plan.” Yui was especially ironic, she was normalizing the matter in her own way, and that caused Suguru a kind of relief, he almost felt... normal.

"I'm going to kill Okkotsu Yuuta to obtain his cursed spirit."

Yui passed saliva down her parched throat. Shit, she had expected Suguru to be direct, but not this much.

“I thought that wasn't possible.” Yui had so many questions. "Explain yourself."

This made her feel like in the old days, Suguru had been a student who stood out for his ingenuity, and Yui, on the other hand, and due to her attention problems, did not grasp most of what they learned at school. So Suguru, every day after school, took the time to explain everything to her in detail, because he knew how to do it, he knew her better than anyone.

“Even though there is a link between them, I can kill the owner and absorb the curse. I know they won't bring Okkotsu into the fight, he's too valuable to put at risk, plus the superiors are afraid of his self-control. Like they did to you, remember?”

“The war is a distraction.” The sorceress came to a conclusion.

"Exactly."

“Do you think you can fool Gojo?”

“For a while, yes.” Suguru had already thought of all the possibilities and probabilities.

“And what makes you believe that I won't betray you and tell everyone about this?"

Suguru just smiled and replied a simple: “You won't.”

And Yui didn't know how to feel.

For a moment she fantasized about calling her uncle and summoning all the high-class sorcerers to inform them of Suguru Geto's location, so they could stop him once and for all and avoid the night of the hundred demons.

But how would Suguru react?

Would he look at her with disappointment?

Would he kill her?

Or maybe he would remind her once again that she was no longer his favorite spring?

"I trust you."

He shouldn't trust her, because she didn't even trust herself.

“Suguru… Why, what happened? When did you become what you are now?”

So many questions that kept her up at night.

Yui thought that Suguru wouldn't take her seriously and would just ignore her to talk about something else, but when she saw his crestfallen head she knew he was thinking about it.

Suguru didn't remember much about that time, and a large part of it was due to the defense mechanism he activated to make everything stop hurting, to not let himself be influenced by his feelings. And Suguru became so good at forgetting that he sometimes feared not knowing how to differentiate what he had experienced and what he had not.

What was reality?

He didn't know.

“After the last mission many things became clearer in my head, I began to see everything in a different way. My conception of the world took a random turn,” Suguru still remembered when all started, after his conversation with Yuki. “And it was not an easy process, I spent weeks without sleeping, without eating, without wanting to get out of bed. I was too lazy to breathe, and when I started to think about how I felt it always made me angry, just thinking that I lived in a corrupt world ruled by those monkeys.” Suguru gritted his teeth, his eyes showing an almost ridiculous contempt for the human race.

“You were depressed.” Yui's gaze softened, everything made sense now.

“If you want to give it a name.” Suguru shrugged, he didn't care about the past anymore. “I know that my measures have not been entirely peaceful, but they are sacrifices that I had to make to achieve a social good, a world without curses. I'm not a bad person."

Yui didn't know if he was saying it to her or to himself.

"I'm sorry." Suddenly, she wanted to cry.

"Why?" It had been a long time since Suguru showed real interest in something or someone, but it wasn't just anyone, it was Hayashi Yui, she was special, she always had been.

“For not being there when you needed me.” Yui wanted to hug him, but she didn't do it.

“It happened because it had to be that way.”

Yui wanted to travel back in time and right her wrongs. If only she had tried harder to channel her power she wouldn't have been away that year, she would have attended the mission too. Perhaps Tengen-sama's vessel would still be alive. Perhaps the one who would have fought with Fushiguro Toji would be Yui instead of Suguru. Maybe now everything would be different.

“Do you think there's still a chance for the two of us?” Suguru asked with a very serious expression.

That had caught Yui off guard, and it's not like she hadn't thought about it before, however, she had never come up with a solution. Was she willing to turn her back on everything she knew for Suguru? Or would she give up the love of her life just to stick to what was right?

"Don't know." That was the most sincere she could be.

Suguru was happy, it wasn't a “no” and that was enough.

“If everything goes well, I would like to invite you to dinner at the temple. I want you to meet my family, especially the twins, I think you would get along with them.”

Yui smiled sadly, for a moment she imagined the same scene, but in another context, a mundane context with mundane people, nothing related to the world of sorcery. And once again Yui found herself wishing she was normal.

“Suguru… be careful.” She whispered when she saw him walking slowly towards the door.

“I always am.”

A deja vu was present in the room.

“Don't worry, I know I will win.”

His ambition would be his downfall.

❪∘∘∘❫

It was the rainy morning of December 25, and Yui had not heard news about the incident nor had she bothered to, and this was because she was afraid of dealing with reality.

Her phone rang and Gojo Satoru's name turned off the screen.

Yui let the phone ring a few more times before answering it.

"Yeah?" She bit her nails as she looked out the window at the water droplets refracting against the glass.

“Suguru is dead.”

Thunder fell in the distance and the drizzle increased.

Yui sighed shakily and had to hold on to the nearest wall to avoid spilling onto the floor, at the moment her legs felt very heavy.

“Did you kill him?”

"I did what I have to do." Gojo responded curtly, choosing the right words so his actions wouldn't seem so serious.

“Did he suffer?” One eye blinked faster than the other.

"No. His last words were: look for me in every spring."

Yui removed the phone from her ear and covered her mouth so Gojo wouldn't hear her sobs. She imagined it perfectly, a bloody and messy Suguru with a sweet smile on his thin lips, eyes would probably be closed or looking at the sky. Suguru loved looking up at the sky, especially if it was sunsets.

And there would be no more sunsets for him.

When she composed herself she returned to the call, because she knew that Gojo was still on the line, waiting for her.

“Gojo Satoru, one day I will be the one to end your life. It is a promise". Yui meant it very seriously, and it wasn't something impulsive in the moment, it was something she felt she should do as a matter of honor and not revenge.

Gojo laughed unamusedly.

“I’ll be looking forward to it.”

He hung up and then... silence.

That day it rained heavily.

[mainetrain3]

Angels and Devils were never meant to be together

#DabiHawks one shot I wrote

#angst

The world rang silent in the ears of the world, quite strange, uncanny, for such a loud sign of hatred. Slaughtered bodies of heroes and children, their blood soaking into the dirt. The sight would make anyone on sight revolt in disgust. .

This wasn't something that would just disappear when the sun rose tomorrow. The actions of neglected villains portraying their long awaited, nearly lost dreams on all that tried to stop them. 

Blood soaked not only his body, but it was forever tainted on his hands as well, the lines of good and evil were slowly mending together. 

Hawks took another step forward. 

No matter what happened on this field, he would fight with all he had. A promise he’d made to himself years ago, finally coming to a close.

The odds were uneven, most survivors being fleeing heroes in training and villains that were wounded, or more than delighted to leave this scene and go wreak havoc where they couldn't be stopped. 

From what the blonde heard earlier, from the voices of his enemies, Shigiraki had successfully gotten away.

Now there was only one valuable thing on this battlefield, the scale tilter, the one deciding everyone’s fates. 

It just so happened to be the one thing Hawks rivaled with most.

One step at a time, deep breath in, dodge the shaking, begging, rattly breathing bodies on the ground. 

Keep going.

Why did their deaths have to be so detailed in his brain? He was the one stopping this! That made him a good person, despite his questionable actions. It was all for good.

He contributed to this. It’s his fault. 

If people kept dying, their families, partners, friends, would never be a full home again. 

What was home? The hero found that months shifting between groups of thousands of people you were forced to connect with tended to shift your beliefs of home. 

Naturally it was quick to say that home was where we were raised, our blood related relations. The place where you would scrape your knee for the first time and go crying to your parents, until they fixed it for you. 

What did it mean when you didn't have that?

When his drooping eyes were blocked off by his own swarms of blood and shining hair, he felt more disgusted with himself than he should ever dare to think about. 

He was good. His whole life was centered around being a good person, Hawks couldn't just give that up. 

Watching him, every movement, observing every action that he made against the heroes until they dropped to the floor. It was an honorable way to die, really. The burning spread the lost ones ashes to the world, the thing they died protecting.

Maybe that wasn't mercy, maybe that was them being taunted for the rest of eternity. So close to normality, unable to defy death. 

More screams around them fell silent, buildings crumbling to replace the daunting noise. The sun beat on their skin, drying the blood quicker, then recoating it like a project that wasn’t yet perfect. 

Would it ever be perfect? When was enough enough? 

Step forward, deep breath, then forward again.

Closer to the destroyed buildings, faces of villains piled up alongside their grim reapers.  

Hand wrapping around the one long red feather he held, Hawks became aware of the cuts on his own hands. Tanned skin more of a disgusting, rotting red, shaking and keeping its lifeline grip on the one weapon he had. 

His mother set him up for this. The men trained him endlessly, agencies took him in, HE started his own agency. 

Hundreds of heroes still lived, children turning into teenagers, teenagers turning into adults- lots determined to be like their role models. 

This world was a game, Hawks death wouldn’t be the end of it.

So the hero opens his eyes, meeting the others' green eyes, and prepares himself. 

“Dabi!”

Three months with the League of Villains, it’s almost a bit shameful to think about how normal things felt now. 

Every morning Hawk’s woke, dressed in much nicer clothes than the others had, perks of his money- and slowly the haunting feeling of emptiness filled with something much better.

Some fucked sense of longing. 

This was an act, he mouthed that to himself every morning in the mirror. Almost to keep himself aware of his lies, of who he was and the fact that he was the one in control, Hawk’s would snip off a tiny bit of his hair with his words. 

Reminder was good, it kept him aware. 

Most days were surprisingly boring. So boring that he would leave the base and simply walk across rooftops, taking in the city and its beauty that he maintained. 

The lines of where ugly ended and beautiful began was getting harder to differentiate. 

Evening drew and he took that as his curfew, heading back to the base with as much ease as he could. It was difficult not using his wings, but for the most part, he had to keep them hidden. One of the specific rules was that if he went out during the day, he hid himself to the best of his ability. 

Stupid, but more logical when he calmly thought about it.

Drawing his heated body through the window, the hero toppled to the floor, letting out a sigh as he did so. These damn villains really needed some bigger windows, climbing through them was near impossible!

Standing himself up, switching out his sweaty t-shirt for something more comfortable, the blonde headed into the kitchen. Most of the team, or.. the villains, would be out doing mystery things the hero wasn't allowed to know of.

It was only some time before he was let in on the big things, Hawk’s was sure. 

Drawing out some strawberries from the bare fridge, the hero settled for leaning his hips against the counter, lazily losing himself in his mind as he ate. 

Five more months until the official attack on the hideout. 

Easy. 

That thought dropped easily from his mind when a knife danced beneath his jaw, and a voice hissed from behind him.

“You know who I am.”Dabi. The cold, arrogant, really rather annoying team member that almost everybody seemed to hate- because he only caused problems. Killing when he wasn't supposed to, blatantly ignoring orders and picking fights with the first person weak enough to fall into his games. 

“Uh, yeah? Dabi, duh. I’m not that dumb, I can remember my colleagues' names.”

Lifting a strawberry up, fiddling it between his fingers, Hawk’s slipped it between his lips and bit, patiently waiting for the villain to keep making whatever dumb point he had this time. 

Of course he knew this was Touya, or the charred remains of that little kid. Nothing was the same about him anymore. The person he knew wouldn’t have subdued his life to such a disgusting existence. 

Problems would only be raised if he mentioned it, that wouldn’t be good for either of them. And at the same time, this was no longer Touya, so there was no good bringing him up. 

The blade, chilled and sharp, surprising for such an ambitious, uncaring person who’s entire quirk was.. fire. That didn’t stop the fact that it was digging into his skin, sliding smoothly to the point he almost couldn't feel it. 

It was the warm blood that drew attention. 

So the hero leaned back into his captor, letting his head roll back until it was majorly supported by Dabi’s shoulder.

Pushing the hero back into the counter side, the ravenette situates himself a step or two back, then throws a firm punch to Hawk’s face.

“Uhm, ow!? What the hell are you on about right now-”

All words cut off and slipped into an unbelievable silence when Dabi had him so firmly pinned to the counter. Knife steady between his stitched fingers, silver slowly dragging a small cut right beside his vein. 

A clear threat, one that Hawk’s thankfully took seriously. He only needed to take his cover so far, and admitting this didn’t pose immediate threats to anything. 

This was FINE. 

Dabi’s eyes looked ready to murder, lips steady and all his features hidden by his anger. It was hard to see this guy as a real person, all he seemed was a big bundle of hatred. Unpredictable, just like his fire. 

“I am not fucking with you, I will slit your throat with zero hesitation if you play games with me. What is my real name?”The villain shouldn’t have figured it out so soon. Of course the blonde remembered his childhood friend, they were just so changed that it was difficult to pick out similarities. 

Touya was supposed to be dead, and Keigo was a missing child who was given up on after four days of searching. They were no longer who they used to be.

 Inhaling a deep breath through his nose, the smile on his lips pulled into something more serious, hoping that would avoid his throat being further damaged. 

“Touya Todoroki, first son of Endeavour. Surprised you didn’t realize who I was sooner.”Despite all the snarky comments or jokes that could be made, now didn’t seem to be the appropriate time. Hawk’s might actually get his life stolen from him if he did something the murder monster did not like. 

(A cruel nickname, but it felt fitting.)

Childhood friends since the age of three, up until Dabi went missing in the forest fire, and Hawk’s was shipped off to a training school that was so secret he had to be filed as a missing person.

The anger filled eyes that watched him were so hard to understand, but despite whatever he felt, the ravenette kept the knife steady.

“Keigo. Still as steady in your beliefs, as if it were some religion that would doom you to the cruelest fate imaginable if you made the slightest of mistakes.”Those words sparked a bit of anger, resilience in his body, the urge to push back and hiss about Dabi’s immorality almost making it past his lips.

The villain cut him off once again, words as sharp as his knife;

“I already know you’re no good for us, this is just some antic to get us to trust you. My problem right now is you telling people my true identity. So let me make this threat to you now, yeah? You tell a single soul about your personal connection to me when we were kids, I’ll burn your wings feather by feather. Pretty sure you can’t regenerate against fire.”

It shouldn’t have been surprising to have such a carefully thought out threat breathed on to his lips, but the knowledge of that possibility managed to keep him mildly silent.

Damn this guy, nothing more than threats and violence.

“Trust me, Dabi, I have no intentions of that. Your secrets are safe with me.”With a wink and flashing smile, Hawk’s hands found the villain's hips and pushed, setting himself free from the counter and excusing himself from the situation without a word. 

It was a lie.

When their eyes met, it was difficult to see the blue, the life and humanity that still lingered in Dabi. Still somehow, Hawk’s found it, a glimmer of it lost behind the rage and destruction. 

Progressing further on one shaky foot at a time, the duo ended up just a few feet apart. It reeked of blood, of burnt flesh and boiling blood- something that triggered the fading screams to act up in Hawk’s head once more. 

It was awful.

“I need you to stop.” Straightforward and easy going, relaxed words that might release some of the tension building in the falling apart villain. Dull eye’s, filled with this wide look of.. madness, stared over the heroes' beaten up face. 

Blood leaked from multiple places, that would be impossible to stop right now, but Hawks at least attempted to clear his vision by rubbing his forearm against his eyes, only ridding the blood momentarily. 

“You know my answer to that.” That was the one thing the hero might have dreaded hearing most, but it was true. Hawk’s already knew where this interaction would lead. This was the purpose of his life, he could seek it out and finish this.

“You’ve always been a stubborn bitch.’’

Dabi’s face barely morphed at the words, just giving a little quirk up of his lips. There were no bodies beneath him, just ash, but the blood staining his hands marked his crimes.

Almost needing to prolong the fight as long as possible- whether it was because of selfish desires or the want to have a moment to heal, the blonde was unsure- his steady, but tired voice kept going.

“I don’t want to do this, there’s so much I can do to help you, if you’d just surrender to me-’’

“I don’t wanna hear it, Birdy.”

“You know I have no choice then-’’

Hawk’s protested stubbornly, trying not to be too forward with his clear bias of what he WANTED the villain to do, but his wide eyes allowed some of that emotion to escape.

With an even softer grin, Dabi responded.

“I know.”

“Holy hell man, I don’t need you coming with me-”This must’ve been at least the fourth time Hawk’s had made this argument, and he had finished tying his shoes two times ago. It was five months into the operation, such a long time spent being a perfectly leashed dog for the LoV. 

Dabi remained uncaring as he leaned against the opposite wall, giving a shrug of his tensed shoulders. It was frustrating how stern this guy could be in his decisions. 

The rest of the group never even tried to intervene, in fact some members fled off to their rooms. It made sense, Dabi really did have a bad temper.

Leveling their eyes across the few feet separating them, Hawk’s did his best to keep his tone easy going and level. The look in his eyes said everything but. 

“I’m pretty sure I can handle going to a bar by myself for a night. I’m not stupid enough to just reveal our hideout.”Hawk’s took at least an hour out of his lazy day to get himself looking nice, hair pushed back in a fluffy ponytail, eyeliner neat at the edges of his eyes and clothing that wouldn’t overwhelm his drunk brain later. 

Now he couldn't even go alone??

It did make sense, it caused the hero’s heart to spike, and the reminder to be cautious rings even louder. This guy wasn’t stupid, far from it. He could be called out as a traitor any moment, this was a dance on a blade, it had to be perfect or everything would crumble. 

Yeah, no pressure. 

Once again, he received a stubborn shrug, also accompanied by smooth words,

“Too bad, I’m coming. It’ll be fun, I know how much you love spending time with me.”

Dabi slipped on a leather jacket, reached out for the door, and swung it open. They both walked out the door at the same time, so Hawk’s did the only sensible thing.

Shove him away. 

“Guess I have a reason for getting drunk now.”He muttered bitterly, shoving his hands into the lint covered pockets of his baggy jacket, and led the way to the bar. 

It was an honest surprise that the villain didn’t shove back, or yell curse words until he had every person on this street's attention. Just scoffed, and paced after Hawk’s. 

How lovely. It was the way he walked behind him, so confident and always just one step away. It pissed the hero off. The glint of amusement that flickered through his gray eyes when he caught sight of Hawk’ s face. 

God it was beyond irritating. 

Walking didn’t take the longest time, the bar coming into sight, bright lights revealing it in the shadows of the setting sun. This place was popular, so it was easy for a pro hero to get lost in the normality of the setting. Exactly what he wanted. 

Reaching out to pull the door handle, stupid smug Dabi, with his mocking grin and look of control in his eye, pulled the door open instead.

“After you, Birdy.”“Birdy?”“You heard me.”

How dare the villain give up so easily, After everything they worked for, training for a moment one might be the other- but it was never supposed to be so welcomed. 

Hawk’s did everything to delude himself into believing his anger towards the answer was because of annoyance at the villain's facade, not selfish reasons. “Fine.” The blonde hissed, his blood stained feather shifting around in his cut up palm, barely earning a wince from him at this point. This wouldn’t end without a fight, and sinless people didn’t deserve to lose their lives over someone else’s unwarranted anger. 

Ignoring every pang of emotion that fled to his heart, Hawk’s lunged for the villain. 

This couldn’t be a game anymore. 

Shifting around on his quick feet to escape the feather aiming at his body, Dabi danced around the scene, working to avoid being stabbed and tire out his enemy. That was his weakness, he was showing that his energy was running low, he needed some time to prepare his body. Hawks could use that to his advantage. 

Wrapping a hand around the hero's ankle, the villain yanked Hawks off his feet, watching the jumble of limbs and used up red nubs of wings on his back fall face first to the dirt. Ashes clung to the dirt on Hawks body, and vile raised in his throat, barely pushed back by a gasp of pain as Dabi’s foot came into contact with his body.

Being rolled over, the blonde found himself on his back, glare in his stubborn eyes to look into Dabi’s eyes. The humanity in his blue eyes was fading, but Hawks couldn’t help looking for any trace of it when they made eye contact.

“I always knew you would be a traitor, you know that Hawks? I would go through your room when you weren’t home, and I found your secret phone. Plus, you were always just too suspicious.”

“Why didn’t you report me then? Kill me?” That was an answer they both knew, because they had SOMETHING, something between them that made everything else in life seem silly or unreal when they were together. The only reason Hawks asked was to buy himself time. At least that's what he told himself.

“I- was curious. I also wanted to see if there was a possibility of turning you to our side. Most of your acting didn’t seem much like acting, a lot of the time it was like you actually believed some of our reasons for hating the world.” Only the first few words were delayed, by barely a second, but that showed Hawks the reality of their relationship. There was something.. REAL, between them, not everything was about which side of the political world was right or wrong. 

“Seems like you’ve got a crush-” The bird hybrid teased, almost losing his breath again when Dabi’s foot released from his chest. He thought that the boot would come crashing down on his body, but it never did. So he was quick to roll up to his feet, ignoring the disgusting feel of mud and ash on his body. 

Dabi gave an eye roll along with a scoff, circling loosely the area that they were fighting in, giving Hawk’s a few moments to catch his breath and prepare for the fight- if he chose to continue it.

Turning his body, the black haired man stood a foot or two away from the blonde, his murky blue eyes studying every tensed muscle on the blonde's body. Brushing a finger beneath the other's chin, the villain sounded surprisingly serious when he spoke next. “You could join me. No need for YOU to kill people, just come work with LoV.”

Those fingers beneath his jaw were so beautifully coordinated, it left the blonde’s tongue heavy in his mouth, the stubborn anger in his eyes dropping. 

With an annoyed eye roll, the blonde wasted no time walking away, ordering drinks, and losing himself to a delusion of normality. 

Being elaborate and quick with his movements, the blonde ducked beneath people’s waving arms, and slipped around their stumbling bodies. 

Work was just too stressful right now, being in a group of people that he would kill within a few months? The fear of them finding out any moment that you were a traitor?

Pretty damn scary.

Sliding money on to the table, he offered his order to the bartender- a simple double shot of whiskey. 

The problem was when he bought one after the other, until shot glasses had piled up and he was confident enough to stumble into the crowd. 

The music was beyond loud, now. Hundreds of bodies swayed against each other, messily matching the rhythm of the songs playing above. 

This was definitely one of the greatest things about life. 

Until someone grabbed his wrist.

Turning quickly on his heel,a protective glare settled on his face and angry words poured into his mouth, nearly tipping out, until he recognized the person touching him. Letting out a soft gasp, the hero giggled to himself, drawing his wrist out of the touch.

“Stupid, I thought you were someone comin’ to kidnap me.’’

It was those damn eyes, the ash gray which had the most frustrating undertone of blue, which made the blonde want nothing more than to stare into the other's eyes. Figure out exactly what shade his eyes truly were. 

 “Come on, we’re going.”

“No? I’m havin fun. You should uh, drink with me. I’ll buy you one?”Hawks had been told many times in his adulthood that drinking him was the most insufferable person on earth, more annoying than most villains. So.. he would just put others on the same level as him, then they could have insufferable fun together. 

Boom. That’s the problem solving of a hero right there. 

“No Hawk’s, we’re leaving.”

The duo sure as hell did NOT leave anytime soon, because when they finally exited the building, the sky was turning a light blue and both of them reeked of alcohol.

Whining and throwing a tantrum like some child refusing their parents orders really seemed to work and prolong their time at the bar, and it was easy to ease out of the stress that the disobedience riled in his body from following frustrating orders all the time. 

It did become time to leave soon enough, the black haired villain seemed sober enough to pressure that much. 

The hero didn’t want to leave, but when the other started to walk his way to the dark street, Hawk’s found himself stumbling after. It was some sort of need, to not be left behind. 

Head woozy and hand twitching for some contact to keep himself steady, Hawk’s found his hand grabbing at Dabi’s. He was quickly swatted away, leaving him stumbling behind whiny as they walked to.. well he wasn't quite sure where. 

That didn’t deter him from reaching out for the hand every few perfectly timed seconds.

Why wouldn’t this guy just be a bit nice?The street lights illuminated their bodies but hid the beauty of the world in concealed shadows, making it really hard to see things out and admire them. 

That’s okay. 

He could just find his own beautiful things. The gold piercings swarmed beneath the dark, dead hair of his enemy, That’s what caught his eye most, finding himself continuing after the shiny metal.

Being a bird hybrid meant that he had a knack for loving things that shimmered, but when he was clean of alcohol it was easy to ignore that urge, when he was drunk.. not so much. 

That seemed to get boring very quickly, because the hybrid took control of the situation and moved closer. Digging his fingers into the other's palm, like some riled up cat chasing after a toy, Hawk’s began to drag them off the road.

“You’re goin the wrong way-’’

That didn’t matter, sometimes people had to make their own paths. That’s what his mom did. Let him go and fix her own problems. Fingers persistently scratching at the other beyond scalded wrist, the stumbling hero brought them to a part in town most people were allowed to. 

So he just grumbled back, not making any effort to make true words. 

Climbing up crumbling stairs (which proved very difficult while so drunk, but all Hawk’s did was giggle like a little kid. Dabi didn’t find it as amusing.) the two settled their feet on the cement of the roof. 

Barely, the sun graced their skin, satisfying the hole that was left needing some happiness in the hero's heart. 

“God you’re ridiculous- I want to go home, so get your ass up.”

“I like it here.”The hero responded, sounding certain in his every word, the pleasure of being so high up and in charge of the world was an undertone. 

Turning on his heel, Hawk’s moved his body to be standing directly in front of Dabi. The blonde's plan was to point and show the far too stress struck villain, the hundreds of colors swarming the sun as it rose and the stars faded away.

Silence stole him away as he got to actually see the stupid man in such beautiful lighting.

“I can’t.” The response was murmured through a heavy amount of hesitance, but it was undeterable. Hawks spent his entire life training to be a hero, never could he put that or his family to shame. Plus the thought of being surrounded by people who hurt innocents just to gain some recognition and revenge? It made him feel wrong. 

The people that he loved could never openly be loved by him, the hybrid's moral compass was too far set. This was his fate and there was no denying it. 

Blue eyes seemed to sag at that response, the gray freckles almost covering up the humanity of Dabi’s eyes. Fingers slipped away, the touch leaving Hawk’s skin tingling and warm, it was so comforting and it felt like pieces of him were cracking when it was taken.

“Well I won’t go to the heroes. Ever.” “I know.” “So you know what we have to do?” “..Yes.”

That one single word made vomit rise into Hawk’s throat, barely choking it back down as he saw the one person he might have actually loved form a firmer, more serious expression. That was the commitment neither wanted to hear, but that was what was expected of them.

“I thought you would be different.”

Dabi finally mumbled, anger covering the slight shimmers of sadness, disappointment, HURT, that swelled behind his eyes. The hatred in his tone was a sickening surprise, almost like a dagger to the heart. 

Nothing would be enough to change Hawk’s, he knew that was his own one flaw. That would be the death of him, and he would accept that if it came from Dabi’s hand.

“I know, I’m sorry.’’

That’s when the villain lunged.

Silence stole him away as he got to actually see the stupid man in such beautiful lighting. 

“Holy shit.’’

His eyes WERE blue! An undertone, shaded beneath the polishing of gray speckles, but it was clear to see and it was stunning. 

“The fuck are you staring at- you got a damn problem with me?” 

Dabi was quick to defend himself, even if stumbling over his far too forced words. Alcohol was a bitch, but damn was it addicting, and the villain shamed himself for letting his rival persuade him into this. 

It couldn’t disappear. It needed to be real. 

Pushing himself further on his untrustworthy feet, Hawk’s made his way across the room, until his hands were held out and he was nearly lunging for the hero.

“What the hell-’’

Both grunted when the impact to the gravel hit their ears. Dabi was breathing heavy beneath him, fingers already working to push the hero off.

He did it. 

Letting out a huff of disapproval at the others actions, Hawk’s reached his hands down, forcing the villains cheeks, burned and barely held together, into his hands.

That didn’t stop the threats, the cursing, the shoving- but it stuttered it.

“They’re blue.’’

The blonde couldn't help but gasp it, so.. appalled by the beauty in such a simple thing. 

“What?-’’

All the words out of the frazzled, whiskey smelling villain's mouth were blatantly ignored, and after one, two, three seconds, he came to accept it. That didn't stop his raised eyebrow, glare lowering his brow just slightly, body squirming in discomfort of being manhandled. 

They were blue.

“Alright, get the fuck off of me or use your damn words.’’

The threat did register in his mind, only vaguely. Beneath the freckles of various grays, was a solid dark blue, like the sky fading into midnight. It was easy to mistake for a bland, boring gray- but it wasn't!

Finally pushing himself up, Dabi squeezed his way out of Hawk’s body, standing up on firm legs. Anger was always his first reaction, his first defense. 

Maybe alcohol really does affect people further than their words and actions, because the black haired man's face held confusion. Shock would fit, but that was a tad stretch. 

No response was given, because now the blonde was too busy sitting still on the cement, eyes roaming the floor for a moment. Everyone liked to claim villains had no good qualities or real humanity to them. They were bad people, of course everything about them would be picked apart. 

For Dabi, he's nothing. Known as the emotionless force against mankind. Not a human, far from a monster in children's stories, he was just a force that reigned destruction. 

So when the hero looked at him, why was there so much life? The daunting blue beneath his eyes showing off every hint of emotion, the piercings in his ears reflecting the sun. His burnt skin twitching and moving with the same movement as everybody else in the world. 

He was so human. 

Giving a sigh of annoyance, Dabi resigns to the fact he won't be getting a response anytime soon. Reaching his hand down, his fingers latch in between the heroes. Muscle, skin, veins, blood. 

With yet another sigh of further annoyance, despite the situation, the black haired man turns, pulling them down the stairs, mumbling complaints and words of annoyance he knows wont reach the blonde's ears. 

 Still hand in hand. 

“Let’s go back to base. Sun’ll be up soon and you won’t wanna be seen with me. And by God, who knew you were so full of life when you were drunk.’’

Never again did they mention that incident, but for the next few months, every hint of blue was a reminder of the humanity in Dabi’s eyes.

Stumbling back from the beyond angry villain, Hawks ends up tripping beneath his own feet, falling down roughly on his back, but managing to roll over and stand back to his feet pretty quickly. The feather remains tight in his stained red hand, but he refrains from using it. He doesn’t want to- the courage from months before had completely left him stranded. 

Dabi didn’t relent, grunts of annoyance parting from his lips, blue flames dancing with unsolved rage across his fingers tips. Every step was a perfectly planned dance, pushing forward and throwing hits at any free second he got. Each time, the hero would simply trip and stumble away, until a hit got a bit too close to his face. The feather was raised, leaving a decent sized gash starting to prick with blood on the edge of the raveonettes palm. With a little breath of surprise that made himself pause, the blue eyes looked up to Hawks. They were starting to fog up with specks of gray, and he finally hissed out. “I trusted you, and NEVER reported you for being suspicious, because I KNEW about your stupid phone, and I knew when you would sneak out at night- but I thought I could.. Change you- or something, but you still work high and mighty with my father- my fucking father, Hawks!”

“Dabi, I can’t let innocents be killed! You just.. You just burned them! They had families, people to love, and you stole any trace of them like it was NOTHING!” Hawks yelled back, firm in the beliefs of his words, but that didn’t take away from the quivering of his voice. He loved this man, really, he did. He couldn’t have Dabi if they would always be separated by their beliefs, the world deciding that one would be graced with the title of angel, and the other would forever be mistook as nothing more than their crimes- as the devil. 

Another punch came his way, and this time, the hero blocked it with his forearm. 

“You never cared for me! So why do these people deserve ‘care’?!”

“I DID care!” The hero choked out, tears spilling down his cheeks, that he wished were fake. Sucking in a breath through his mouth, he pushes back, distancing himself so that he can’t be easily wounded. 

“The entirety of the group! All of you- were family! And I LOVE you but the world would never accept me turning to you, this has been my fate since I was little-, can’t you see? And- t-they, they  were just doing their jobs! The LEAST you could have done was save their bodies!” Dabi remained scarily silent during Hawks loud fit of screaming, needing to be heard after so much pathetic hiding. 

“Well let me tell you one thing Hawks, you sure as hell aren’t OUR family.”

Every few seconds, Hawks would shift his eyes to look at the clock. There was very little change that came with each minute, but still, he checked. In less than an hour, the attack on the villain's temporary base would begin, and he would be outed as a traitor.

For some reason he felt like throwing up. Probably just anxiety about having to fight so many villains, with the possibility of a thousand bad outcomes. 

Just less than fifteen minutes ago, Toga and Twice had been working to preen the bright red wings, with Dabi coaching them on how to perfectly do it without causing too much discomfort or sensitivity. Now the hero could barely pay attention to the laid back conversation they were having.

“Hawks?”They had no idea that their lives would be ruined once again in less than sixty minutes.

“Oi, Birdy!”A tug on one of his outer feathers (the least sensitive ones) from Dabi’s scarred up hand is what drew his attention away from the scenario’s running through his mind and back to his group of.. Colleagues. Dabi and Toga were sat in front of him, some nail polish on the floor, being used to decorate the high school girls' nails. (She had trouble painting her left hand, and the older villain was pretty quick to step in and help.)“Uh, yeah?”

Hawks did a quick scan of the lounge, finding Twice and Compress settled on the couch, speaking back in forth in what seemed to be some sort of argument, and on the very end, Shigaraki had situated himself in a pile of pillows, game controller in his hand, eyes focused on the mario kart he played. 

It felt.. awful, after getting to know these people, there was so much depth in each of their stories that it was easy to drown in. Sympathy and care couldn’t help but be a core feeling to learning their true identities. 

“See? He’s doin it again!”Toga scoffs, leaning forward, then at last moment, twisting her body, and letting herself fall a foot or two away from the floor she was already sitting on- into Hawks lap. It was only her head, tilting up like some lazy cat trying to earn a reaction. It was unexpected, how quickly they had all grown together and sewn Hawks into their neat quilt. It was almost even more unexpected how quickly the hero accepted it. 

“Doing what?”He asked, finally drawing himself into the conversation, finally able to look down and raise an eyebrow at the attention demanding teenager, who gave an amused grin when she was finally acknowledged. 

“Are you on drugs-’’

“You were spacing out a lot, so we wondered why. Glad you're okay.”Dabi was quick to cut off his annoying colleague, rolling his eyes until they met the blonde's bright green ones. The last few words were spoken as a statement, but to the rivals, it was a question, a reassurance that help WAS there if it was needed. So the hero gave a nod, then threw on his usual smile, scoffing.

“You guys all think too much into things, I’m fine, just tired.”“Well you still didn’t answer my question-”“Oh shut it! Even if he were, at least it’s LEGAL. Now get over here so I can fucking finish your nails.”Despite his willingness to help, Dabi was anything but sappy, always having to put up some of his defenses, even with the people he trusted more than anyone else in his entire life. Hawks chose to stay silent during their bickering, letting himself get lost in the moment of innocent fun the group was having. 

This makeshift home would all come crumbling down, and only he was to blame. 

Toga, despite all her weird addiction to sucking people's blood, was actually an interesting person to be around. Different views on the world than everyone else, she managed her time well, and actually had hobbies that she was passionate about. Making bouquets out of random flowers collected was something Hawks didn’t think anyone could be good at, yet here he was. 

That didn’t take away from her stubborn self, and while most people found her simply insufferable, it was almost easy now to see that she was still a child- shifting away from the life she never got to have and into an adult she was forced to be. 

And of course, the teenager shook her head no, all whilst keeping eyecontact with the pissy ravenette. She played a dangerous game, Hawks would applaud her for that. 

Holding out her hand with half painted nails, she whined,“Just let me stay here, surely you can move an inch or two closer.”“Yeah, let her stay! For meeeee?”Now felt like the perfect time to jump into the conversation, wrapping a lazy arm around Toga’s waist, keeping her ‘captive’ in his lap. The teenager gave a sassy giggle, both of them beyond amused to see Dabi’s eyes melt into a glare and his lips stay in an unamused frown. 

“I fucking hate you both.”Laughter left them both, and the black haired man scooted forward with MANY mumbles of death threats, but nonetheless started again on painting nails. 

“Ooh, Dabi! Paint mine too!”Twice added in when he caught attention of the scene on the floor, flopping down to the floor to crawl forward.“I suppose I too will join in the fun.”Compress hummed, taking a smoother route and choosing to stand up, then sit down with the group.

“If one more goddamn person asks me to paint their nails I’m burning this whole place down.”“..I’ll join too.”Everyone’s eyes fled to Shigaraki, who had finally set the controller down and was still nested in his pillows. Eyes fleeted to one another, full on laughter bursting out between the entire group as Dabi shouted,

“Fuck!”

While everyone took their fun in the situation, Hawks opened his eyes, cheeks burning with lack of breath from laughing, and eyes soft when they met the blue ones. When they’re eyes met, there was nothing but love. That’s why a few moments later, the blonde glanced away. 

That subtle action, unfortunately, didn’t go unnoticed. 

Dabi stood himself up, not even caring to screw on the lid of the nail polish, and with a still seething voice and quick glare to everyone, his eyes lingering on the heroes, he spoke.“I’m running to the bathroom, then I’ll do all of your guys' nails. Little bitches.”The blonde knew that look, so thirty seconds later, he too stood himself up- having to push the all too stubborn girl off his body in the process. 

“I too.. have to pee.”“Mhmmmm, have fun with your boyfriend, you shit liar.”Toga called after Hawks, not even caring for the shitty lie that was so blatantly handed to her and the others. No one cared enough to actually mention the things they noted going between Dabi and Hawks. 

Because they trust me.

It didn’t take long for the blonde to walk around the corner, into the hallway where the bathrooms were, and be dragged into a family bathroom. He didn’t even let out a sound, accepting the hands grabbing him until they were locked in a room together. 

“You’re acting weird.”Dabi wasted no time speaking, keeping his hands pressuring the hero to the wall, careful not to squish his wings, which was something that beyond flustered Hawks. He was so CAREFUL with him, it was appreciated. 

“No, I’m fine. Just tired.”“Did you not sleep well?”“I dunno.”"That's- not an answer.”Sighing, the blonde leaned his head forward, until it was settled in the crane of the scarred skin, smelling in the heavy scent of vanilla to mask the burning smell. One of his hands drew up to tangle into the black hair, un-neat but soft and decently taken care of, which was surprising. 

“Please don’t make me talk about it, ‘m just feeling weird, kinda sick.”The hands relaxed down Hawks body, until they were holding on to his hips, letting the hero relax into his hold. Slowly, cautious, the words rolled out of Dabi’s lips and into the blonde's ear. 

“Is.. something happening?”Despite the words not being specifically targeting a certain subject, it was obvious what was being hinted; the rooted suspicion that Hawks was a double agent. No matter how desperate the words were, to fall from the hero's mouth and accept whatever punishment given to him- he understood that would be death, and that would defeat his life's purpose of being a hero to save others in big fights like this. So, he shook his head, burrowing his face into Dabi’s shoulder so he wouldn’t have to stand looking at the villains all too correct assumption.“No baby, of course not. I’m just tired, I dunno. Just.. hold me for a sec.”“Clingy brat.”Dabi tsked, not sounding fully convinced of the hero's defense, but he chose not to question it further and instead held Hawks in his arms. Hands around his waist, eventually adding some humor to the situation by cupping both of the heroes ass cheeks in his hands. 

Sure enough, it earned a stupid giggle from the blondes lips, cheeks heating up as he whined playfully.“You’re so unserious.”“Yeah, well you shouldn’t be acting so sad. If you come by my room tonight, we can.. Watch a movie or something. I dunno, but the point is you should come.”“Is that your way of flirting?”Hawks questioned, relief settling in his heart at the normality between them right now, the promise of comfort was relieving, even if he knew it would go forever broken. The black haired man scoffed, scrunching up his nose in annoyance. Something annoyingly amusing. 

“No idiot, I’m inviting you so that I can stab you to death.”“Perfect, I’ll be there.”The villain was never clear with his dependency on others, flirting with others during times they were sober or in front of others was a challenge for him, but Hawks found himself uncaring. Years of scorn from the world and no family support, it was easy to struggle trusting others with opening up.

“Kay great, now I really do have to pee so-”

Once again losing all his breath to laughter, the hero drew away from the warm body, fingers running down Dabi’s arms, before losing all contact with him. It made him more happy than he thought it would, but right before he stepped out of the bathroom, the ravenette drew him back and planted their lips together in a kiss, then proceeded to close and lock the door. 

Damn that guy, Hawks swore that Dabi would be the death of him. The thought of what would soon happen still plagued him, but he couldn’t keep that fuzzy feeling out of his heart for anything. 

Back inside the living room, the hero goes to sit on the couch, but is quickly tugged down by two pairs of hands, refusing to let him sit away from the group. Compress had started on painting their bosses' nails, Shigaraki sitting still with a blank face, but that was usually a good sign. He was most comfortable when he showed little emotion. 

Letting out a harsh grunt as he came colliding to the floor on his back, Hawks glared up at the masked face and bright smiling girl, not even having to say any words to convey his annoyance. They didn’t take it seriously.

“You really think we’re just gonna let you sit on the couch man?”Twice scolded, wrapping an arm around the blonde's shoulders, keeping him held close in the group so they could fall back into their similar pattern of conversation. 

Home.

It took a bit longer than expected for the ravenette to return, slipping through the kitchen and returning empty handed, then settling down on the floor with everyone else, who is happy as can be to continue flooding him with demands that he won’t refuse. 

“Paint mine first!”“No, me, you bitch-”“Guys I can do all of yours-”“Fucking me first!”

“Move it Twice-”

“Alright little bitches, get in a damn line!”Just like that, they all find themselves settled into a vertical line, pushing and shoving each other every now and then, everyone avoiding speaking as much as possible, because the minute an unpopular statement hits their ears, all of them would be fighting instantly to decide who was really right. 

Hawks found himself at the very end of the line, settled comfortably on his knees, leaning forward, head against the back of Shigaraki’s back. Never ever in a million years did he think that this would be a situation he ended up in, and despite the pulsing heart in his chest, he felt this kind of nice. 

A sharp ringing filled the room, and after two rings, terror flooded the hero's entire body cold. That was the sound of his secret phone ringing, but it was much louder and closer to the group than it ever should have been. It must have been placed there on purpose- 

“Who’s fuckin phone is that?”

Shigaraki questioned the gang, all of them crossing looks with each other, but no one bothered to get up until they identified the owner of the mystery phone, and they didn’t have to wait long for an answer, because the blonde was rushing to his feet, nearly diving to shut his phone off.

On the small screen, Endeavour’s contact was bright to see, calling the hero frantically. Attempting to slide his finger on the ‘deny call’ button, he was so shaky from panic that of course he had to go and fuck that up, accepting the call and letting the pro heroes angry voice speak to the entire room.“Hawks- Hawks, good, you answered, you fucking idiot. The attack is starting now, groups have the place surrounded, and the pro’s are storming the place now. Meet us in the courtyard, NOW.”One. Two. Three. Four.

The hero turned around, letting out a failed sound of trying to defend himself as he saw the circle of defensive bodies around him, and in the very back, the bright blue, downcast eyes. 

It was beyond tense, everyone's eyes hard and full of this new sparked anger, but it was separate from their usual anger, there was hurt and genuine hatred at this newfound discovery. Toga was holding a shimmery blade up in front of her body, ready to strike at any moment. Twice hovered behind her, Shigaraki standing in the back near Dabi, and Compress standing to the side of Hawks with a marble ready to throw at any moment.That hurt, it felt like sudden suffocation was holding the hero hostage, but he gave a charming, and failing smile to all of them, glancing around as he horsley laughed out.“Guys, listen, I SWEAR, that wasn’t- I- I’m not a traitor!”No words were ever going to be enough to fix the way he ruined their neatly sewn trust. The highschooler lunged forward, knife aiming straight for the hero's neck, quickly he responded by ducking to the floor and to the side. Now he was completely cornered, a knife coming after him, marble being perfectly aimed towards his body, and Twice working to fight him to the floor. 

Stumbling around, wings aiding him to slip around on coming threats, until he was backed up to the window. Sparing a panicked glance outside, true to their word, heroes were flooding the premise, forcing back any villains or accomplices that attempted escape. 

“You have to listen- I was sent here as a spy, sure, but I never TRULY intended on hurting you guys-”“Doesn’t matter what you meant, cause you still did it.”Toga cut off, all traces of fun or teasing permanently gone from her face, leaving nothing but little tears in her eyes and a tight, angry scowl on her lips. Running forward, she took the move from the rest of the team, raising the knife to perfectly land in Hawks shoulder. When the highschooler reached her target, panting and everyone expecting a smidge of their revenge to be imprinted on the hero, there was nobody. The window was open, and just like that, they had a debt to pay that would be marked down in history as one of the biggest betrayals to ever happen. 

“I’m sorry Dabi, I really, really am.” Hawks finally settled on sobbing out, but right as he did, his face tucked down to the spot on his arm that was most clean and worked to scrub away the tears. This was a fight now, there was no way both of them would make it out of this alive. The world had to have a winner.

This time, when the villain lunged, the hero was a bit more prepared. Their bodies collided against each other, fire kissed the hero's skin, and the one undamaged feather protected Hawks with its last bit of crumbling self. 

“Well you aren’t forgiven.” Dabi muttered bitterly, the smallest bits of red feather particles floating away from his burning hands, then his mud covered boot made its way to Hawks chest and slammed him down to the mixture of dirt and blood.

“That doesn’t take away from me being sorry.” This might be a challenge he couldn’t defeat. Maybe it was better that way, the love Hawks for the Todoroki son would never fully disappear, and death sounded better than betraying his country and facing their scorn. 

Hawks wasn’t cut out to be a villain, but neither was he to be a hero. 

Maybe he was meant simply to die.

Two months after the.. drunk incident, Hawk’s decided to ask Dabi to go drinking with him again.

It was stupid, because after being so embarrassing while drunk, he never wanted to show his face again… But over the next few weeks, the duo had to work together more, their missions turning into time spent off of work still together, planning for future things they had to be together for.

Hawks enjoyed the villain's company, more so than he would like to admit. There were lots of reasons that spending time together was wrong, dangerous and crossing the line to traitorous. 

Still, the blonde took time to fluff up his bright blonde hair, perfectly draw on his eyeliner, and wear clothing that would be easy to dance and move around in. Then he walked around the base, until he was able to corner Dabi.

“Will you go to the bar with me tonight?”The villain’s face was locked in some confused downturn of his lips, until the words registered and his eyes softened into some look of teasing. Those damn blue eyes would be the death of Hawks, it was so frustrating how obviously human he was. 

Leaning back against the wall, shifting his arm quickly so he wouldn’t keep hitting the lightswitch, Dabi raised his eyebrow, along with his upper lip.“Wow, asking me out already? I didn’t think a hero would swoon for me so quickly.”

“I am NOT swooning-”“But yes, I’ll go. Why not? Give me an hour, and we can leave.’’

That left Hawks silent with surprise, but there was a feeling pulsing in his heart that felt relieved, happy with the acceptance. Sure enough, a few minutes before the full hour mark hit, Dabi kicked himself into the blonde's bedroom. Raven black hair was stroked back into a mullet, with freshly looking shaved sides and a matching slit in his eyebrow, the villain was dressed in a blue shirt and some baggy black jeans.

Hawks cheeks flushed. 

“Alright birdy, let’s get goin.”

“Lemme get my shoe’s on.”“Jesus christ-”

Stumbling quickly out the door, the duo traveled down the stairs, and it was quick to start bickering, swooping them away into a sense of familiarity, until they reached the inside of the bar. Thankfully it wasn’t too busy yet, because it WAS still 8 pm, so they got up to the counter, slipping into chairs.

“Whaddya wanna get?”Hawks questioned, tilting his head over to look at his.. accomplice. He was the hero with thousands of dollars, and he was the one inviting the ravenette out. Of course he would pay. The hero pretended to not see the moment of surprise, then suspicion, before words poured from his lips.

“Aperol Spritz.”Even though they both walked in with some silent promise to themselves, to not get too drunk tonight, that was quickly going down the drain. Drink after drink was ordered, Hawks stuck to cinnamon whiskey, but he noted that Dabi liked to buy an assortment of drinks- all the way from whine, vodka, to straight whiskey. 

Less than forty minutes later, Hawks found himself lost in the comfort of alcohol, ready to get out into the world and not feel unbelievably stressed about always maintaining his reputation. Sliding his fingers over the table, he gripped onto the villain's hand, tangling their fingers and tugging him to the dance floor.

“Come ‘n dance with me-”

“You are SO annoying-”

Regardless of his disinterest, the black haired man followed him out to the floor, letting the excitement of Hawks fill him and the music lead his movements. Dabi’s hands tug away from Hawks fingers, and down to his hips, tugging him closer. Letting out a sharp gasp, the blonde let the tension, the fear of being in danger, flood out of his body, but it took him a moment to realize that reality. The villain was already scolding him, but it was more of a little laugh to himself.

“Relax! Being drunk means no stressing.”

“M not stressing!”“Good, because I wanna dance, and that’s not easy working to relax you.”

Once again, the hero's cheeks flushed. 

The music rang loud in their ears, a new form of drug to the hero's ear when it was laced with Dabi’s occasional murmuring and stern words that kept Hawks from doing anything too stupid that would result in him getting hurt. Around eleven pm, the bar was squished with people, taking the freedom and fun away from this scene. 

So grabbing his hand, the hero forces the annoyingly beautiful villain out of the bar and into the streets, everything is still busy, leaving the next safe place being Hawks penthouse. It had been a few months since he’d been home, far too caught up in the infiltration work he was doing. Thankfully he always kept a key to his home beneath some rocks in his garden. 

Pushing the door open, the silence reigning from the villain finally cracked as he studied the area.

“Holy shit, you really live here by yourself? It’s so NICE.”It was beyond uncanny seeing the genuine emotion in Dabi’s actions and words, but it wasn’t.. hated. Being drunk, the blonde found himself rather pleased, finding some pleasure that the villain thought highly of the home he spent so much time designing. 

“Sometimes my mom lives here, but not right now, ‘s complicated.’’

“Least you’ve got a mom that’s NOT locked up in some mental asylum.”“..”

Both of them broke into laughter, because it really wasn’t funny, but that’s exactly the point. They had to make humor of the things that hurt them, otherwise it would be a weapon against themselves. Maybe some extra giggles on Hawks side were thrown in, because this was the first time that Dabi had willingly admitted something about the knowledge of their shared past, and that was nice. 

Ignoring any prior curiosity he had about  why they were here, the black haired man headed on his own path to study the house, finding his way upstairs as Hawks broke open a saved bottle of wine. Pouring it into two separate cups, the hero left the scene there to go find his accomplice. 

Dabi was upstairs in the guest bedroom, but he moved himself into the hero’s bedroom, looking around with wide eyes, almost like he was at risk of falling asleep at any moment, and his hands would lightly graze some things here and there. 

“I thought you’d have more stuff.”He commented without turning to face the blonde. All he got was a shrug. The hero didn’t need much to be happy or satisfied, so he preferred to keep the essentials and some wants in his room. Books, some stuffed animals, a closet of clothes, a big bed beneath his locked window, some gifts from fans- but that was really it. 

The moon was shining perfectly into the room, providing perfect lighting to study every detail on the other person's face, if given the right angle, and the drunk Hawks couldn’t help himself. He walked over to the villain, grabbed his chin, and forced his head straight so they could be eye to eye. 

“The fuck-”

Hawks wanted to see if the humanity was still there. Sure enough, the dark blue, shifting into a shade of indigo, were just as bright beneath the freckles. The hero's hand lingers beneath the burned skin, fingers elegantly tracing beneath his jawline to keep their eyes locked together. 

“You’re so weird when you’re drunk. I don’t even understand you.”Dabi scoffed, attempting lightly to pull his chin away, until the blonde proved himself to be even more stubborn. So he played along. Alcohol made things so much funner, that’s what Hawks decided, because he had NEVER seen the villain so willing to do something. 

His fingers moved from his own sides, and made their way into a comfortable, stern hold around the hero's hips. Tugging him forward, just like then they were dancing, Dabi held Hawks comfortably close to him. That’s when the hero forced himself to mutter with a flustered mind.

“I- it’s your eyes. They’re pretty, and I’ve never seen a villain's eyes that look so alive.”“..I think you’re way too drunk.”

“I don’t have to be drunk to admit you’re pretty-”“So you ALWAYS think I’m pretty?”“..Yes.”“Hm, good. Me too.’’

“You.. think I’m pretty?”“Hot’s probably a better word, but sure.”The hybrid couldn't help but feel thrilled at the words, some drunk part of him satisfied that he could make someone else so damn gorgeous feel the same about him. Words failed him, so the only indicator to his flustered emotions were his heated cheeks. Dabi had further plans to earn a reaction, and Hawks couldn't say he was disappointed by that.

A hand slid into his hair, fingers handling the roots, and tilting back the hero's head, giving full access to his flushed pink face. With his free left hand, Dabi traced over Hawks cheek bones, until his finger was brushing over the blonde's lip. Hawks could feel himself drowning in how good being adored felt, all words lost in his frazzled head, letting out a small hum to approve the touch. 

“You’re so frustratingly good lookin. But MAYBE that’s the alcohol.”“Drunk words are sober thoughts.”Hawks reminded quickly, prompting this interaction to keep going. 

“Is this why you got me drunk? So I’d admit my traitorous thoughts out loud? Pretty shitty of you, Birdy.”

Despite the cold words of mild accusation, the villain's face remained as relaxed as ever, all the tension over the scarred areas fully relaxed as he brushed over any part of Hawks face he wished. The blue in his eyes had never been so apparent. It was killing the hero. Something so ALIVE, had to be his. Something that was so feared by everyone else, tamed by him, felt amazing. The hero wanted to feel just as alive as Dabi looked.

Shaking his head, wincing slightly at the hand in his hair (which fled down to his hip after that), Hawks leaned his face forward, murmuring.“Nah, I just like you. Bit more than I wanna admit.”

“You gonna do somethin about it?”Dabi questioned, glancing quickly down to look at their pressed together bodies, his gaze lingering on the hero's close lips, before remaining eye contact. Everything was one big game to these two, but it seemed they were finally reaching an ending they both desired.

“You want me to?”“If I didn’t, I woulda burned you a while ago.”So, the hero took his turn. Leaning forward, their lips met, illuminated like the moon, like they were some sort of artwork that deserved to be displayed. The kiss started smooth, but mixing that with Hawks clinging hands and Dabi’s impulse to take control, it quickly turned into their tongues intruding each other's mouths, stumbling their bodies back in a messy dance, until Hawks back met the wall. 

One of Dabi’s hands wrapped firmly against the back of the blonde's neck, tugging some strands, which caused more sounds from Hawks mouth. Of course the hero couldnt stand for his rival to have ALL the fun, because his hands ran down Dabi’s t-shirt covered chest, until he was able to tug on the hem of the bottom.

“Off-’’

The mumble between their lips caused the black haired man to draw back, catching their breath and allowing for a decent conversation. Eye’s locked, there was nothing but craving and passion, long awaited tension needing to break between the two.

“I know you, if you take my shirt off, it’s not gonna end there. Are- are you sure you want to continue, and this isn’t just some stupid part of your spying?”

“Already told you I’m not spying.”“And I already told you I’m not stupid.”With a huff and secret pang of fear in the hero's heart, fearful of being truly discovered as a spy for the heroes and what that would mean to him, he circled back to their shared craving.

“I know what I’m signing up for. I want it, YOU, I don’t care what that means in the future.”So, the villains' lips found their way back to Hawks, and their mixed clothing fell to the ground piece by piece. 

The rest of that night would go down as one of the only events that wouldn't be recorded in history. It was perfect that way.

“I can’t forgive you, and if you live, you’ll only be a problem.” 

The black haired man mutters, all the bitterness and hatred in his tone poorly masking the sudden amount of sadness and hurt that was finally showing. Dabi was unstable, his emotions like some tornado that wasn’t predictable. Despite all the danger, that look of truth and liveliness in his eyes would never go away. 

No matter how hard the hero tried to blink it away, or will it to leave his mind. The foot on his chest wasn’t too heavy, if he had a bit more strength, he could scramble away. Faintly on his walkie talkie, the crackled voice of Endeavour came.

“Backups are gonna be to your location in ten-“ 

The black boot came crashing down on the device, crushing it easily. Hawks couldn’t help but flinch, then slowly drew his eyes back up to his rivals. The blonde nodded, agreeing with the statement. 

The world separated them for a reason, the fine line between good and bad being drawn clearly. Angels and devils were never supposed to mix. If their problems couldn’t be solved, they would end up suffocating in the tension and dragging the world down with them. 

“There’s a knife in my left pocket.” 

Dabi’s hand felt around the hero’s thigh, cupping every crevice in a way that was so painfully familiar, more tears couldn’t help swelling in Hawks green eyes. 

This, THEY, could never be a reality.

Pulling out the pocket knife, and flipping open the blade, the angry, vengeful villains expression faded back into a look with a small smile that was anything but happy. Looking down, their eyes met.

“I’m not doing it.” 

“Dabi-“ 

“No, you fucking idiot, I- Just join the League-“ 

“This isn’t the life I want! None of this is, I just.. please. I can’t live in this universe when I know I will never get what I want. I will never truly live.” 

At the very end of the field, illuminated by the orange, fading sun, a group of dirtied up heroes were coming running across the field for him. They were running out of time. 

Reaching his hand up, hesitant for a few moments of the unpredictable villain, Hawks fingers tangled into Dabi’s burning fingers, forcing him to hold on tighter to the blade.

“Touya.” 

The murmur was enough to draw back the full emotions that the black haired man was feeling, because his voice was full of anger, a hesitance, a refusal to hurt Hawks. He truly cared. 

“Don’t even start, just, I- I don’t know what to do-“ 

With a shaking breath, the hero spoke the name again, until they were staring into each other's eyes. Bright green matching with a blue of a thousand shades, always too perfect to be contained by one certain color. Dabi shook his head, but stayed quiet as the blonde kept speaking. Lips quivering, welling tears threatening to spill, covered in the ashes of those who died in his place.

“Please, just do it. Right in the heart. I can’t do this.” 

“I can’t kill you-“ 

“Please don’t make me beg. This is what I want.”

“But I love you.” 

Those words are whispered, cracking as if the defenses he’s had set up for so long are finally coming down. A single drop of blood flees from the villain's eye, and oh does that hurt the hero. 

“There is no place for me in this world if I’m not happy with you, and I know I will never get what I want here.”

Hawks can barely keep begging for death, voice wobbling and failing him, eyes not focusing on the heroes getting closer and closer, only on his rival. 

“This world is no place for a fallen angel like me.” 

The knife plunges into the hero's heart, earning a strangled gasp. Blood drops down from Dabi’s face, a lot quicker, the most free his hurt had ever been.

“I h-hate you, Hawks.” 

“And I love you too.” 

The last sight Hawks will ever see is those beautiful, life filled eyes looking down at him, and that’s all he needs to let his last breath leave his body with peace. 

[medusapelagia]

Eddie's Month Day 5 + Whumptober Day 5

written for @eddiemonth and @whumptober-archive 

Prompts: Eddie’s month day 5: Role Model | Slow Down - Ozzy Osbourne | Brave Whumptober day 5: “You better pray I don't get up this time around.” - Debris | Pinned Down | “It's broken.” Rating: Mature Relationship: Eddie Munson/Steve Harrington WT: injuries, hospital WC: 1308

Some moments define your life.

Moments that seem like others and then, when you rethink about them, you realize that they were particular moments that changed your entire life.

The first one was the day Wayne decided to visit his brother when he came back from Vietnam.

Eddie didn’t really like the silent man who kept smoking one cigarette after another while looking at him with something that he wasn’t able to define. It took him a few years but he finally understood that he was looking at him with pity.

That day, even if Eddie didn’t know it, was the day Wayne decided that the kid deserved something more than a junkie as a mother and a petty thief as a father.

It took Wayne almost three years to gain Eddie’s custody, but in the end, the State was more than happy to give a troubled kid to an adult who was willing to raise him while his parents were in prison.

That day, the first day he met Wayne, Eddie was wearing a band t-shirt his father shoplifted somewhere and that was way too big for him, but he loved it.

He still has it, somewhere.

The image has faded and the cotton is so thin that it is almost see-through, but Eddie keeps it as a relic.

Another moment that will define his life forever is the day Chrissy Cunnigham, lovely Queen of Hawkins High ,sat with him and asked him for drugs. The strong kind, not just marijuana as most of the tough kids in high school did.

And he said yes.

Now that they are getting ready to fight an interdimensional monster he asks himself: why did he say yes? Why didn’t he tell her to have fun with her friends instead of searching for consolation in drugs?

He should have never said yes.

But he thought he was helping.

He thought that he could have helped her, little by little, gaining her trust and helping her see how beautiful and kind she was, inside and out.

But they didn’t have the time.

When he turned toward her with the little plastic bag, he found himself deep in a shitty horror movie with a fucking monster ready to kill every stupid teenager in Hawkins.

So he did the first thing he learned when he was a kid.

He ran away.

Like he had run away from his father when he used to come home drunk and tried to beat him.

Like he had run from the bullies that were trying to cut his hair.

Like he had run from the police when he was dealing a few miles away from the trailer park.

Eddie has run all his life. He is a pro at running. Could win a fucking medal if he wanted to.

But tonight is different.

Tonight they are at war.

And what is worse, is that he has a kid to take care of.

The look that he has shared with Harrington has said everything there was to say.

The knight is going to slay the dragon and he is going to keep the kid safe, and he fucking will.

The adrenaline of the concert he has played on the roof of the trailer is fading away fast, those monstrous creatures are trying to get into the trailer and Eddie can’t allow that.

If they get inside they could hurt Dustin, and even get into their dimension.

No fucking way.

So Eddie does what he knows best: he runs.

The only difference is that this time he is running toward the peril instead of away from it.

Fuck it.

If the ex Keg King was able to fight a fucking monster with a nailed bat and nothing more, he could do the same, right?

He is a man. His role in society is to protect the people he cares for!

He takes the bike and the demobats follow him. He looks around him, he will never make it to the woods as he was thinking.

He leaves the bike and takes the nailed shield.

He just has to hold the line. Someone will come to help him. That is what happens in all his books.

Straider will appear from nowhere and will save him.

The demobats shriek and he yells at them.

He closes his eyes.

Now that he is alone, surrounded by demobats, he doesn’t feel so brave anymore.

He thinks of the old faded t-shirt. He should have put it on for good luck. 

He would like to be buried with that on. 

No stupid suit for him.

He falls.

Everything hurts.

Someone is screaming his name when the earthquake starts and the bats fall to the ground. Dustin is holding him tight.

“I didn’t run.” he says, tasting blood in his mouth.

“No, no. Look at me! Look at me!” Dustin screams, and then someone else is kneeling at his side.

“We have to bring him back. Now.”

“But…!”

“Robin, Nancy, help Dustin. I think his ankle might be broken.” 

Someone is lifting him, and Eddie whimpers when they move him.

“Hey, if you are still complaining, it is a good sign.” Steve says, sounding cheerful.

“Harrington?” he asks, confused.

His vision is blurry, but someone is carrying him in a fireman’s carry and is running through the debris of the earthquake. 

What happened?

When did it happen?

What the fuck is going on?

They are not going back to the trailer, they are going down a crack in the ground.

“Are you sure, Steve?”

“Do you have a better idea, Rob?”

It seems they are out of ideas because Robin and Nancy keep going down a few feet away from them.

“You get to the other side with Dustin, then you’ll help me with Eddie.”

“Slow down, big boy.” Eddie complains.

“You will rest when we get to the other side. Just hold on.”

“You better pray I don't get up this time around or I’ll ruin your reputation. The golden boy brought me to the other side. How does it sound as a title?” he tries to joke.

“Better than being killed by a maleficent creature with psychic powers, honestly. But I’d prefer something like ‘brought me to the dark side’, it sounds more badass, doesn’t it?” Steve replies and Eddie laughs. Everything hurts, but he laughs.

They are still walking down the crack when Steve groans “I asked you not to do anything stupid.”

He did.

But for once Eddie wanted to be the brave one.

“Are you angry with me?”

“Don’t die on me and I might forgive you.”

Steve.

Brave Steve.

The expendable one.

Still, the one that is bleeding to death is Eddie.

“I didn’t run.”

“I know. But a friend of mine told me that there is no shame in running.”

“Wise man. You should introduce us one day.”

“I will. Now hold on tight. I’m going to push you through the crack and I don’t think it is going to be fun.”

Spoilsports, Eddie thinks, and the burning pain is the last thing that he feels.

***

When he opens his eyes he is in a hospital, his right arm is handcuffed to the bed and there are two figures asleep on some cheap plastic chair.

One is Steve, his hair messier than ever, the other is Wayne, who has a duffle bag at his feet with a faded t-shirt half out.

Eddie will quickly find out that they do not have a home anymore, and all their belongings are in that duffle bag. 

He will learn that he is still the first suspect in the murder of Chrissy Cunnigham.

He will remain handcuffed in the hospital for weeks, but when he will finally leave, hand in hand with Steve fucking Harrington, he will wear a faded t-shirt.

Almost see-through.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Why Characters Matter- Witcher S3 (Vol. 1)

Full spoilers for our four lead character arcs in S3 of The Witcher are below. I am going fully off of memory. I swear, I only have good things to say. (Especially my favorite idiot, he made me cry)

To me, character drives the heart of shows and I finally feel like Witcher has gained some of its heart back.

My biggest problem with Witcher Seasons 1-2 is that I felt like we had no reason to believe our core 4. They had almost no reason to hang out.

Why should I care about Geralt and Jaskier's friendship? Geralt fucking hates him! Jaskier has spent most of his life hated, disliked, or ignored. Hell, in season 2 Jaskier had better chemistry with Yen than Geralt did.

Why should I care about Yennifer/Geralt? I know it's going to happen, and honestly, they spend all of their on-screen time fucking! They never hang out as friends, or people trying to get to get to know each other?

This show took my every criticism and said 'Okay, bet'. It made me fall in love with these characters again. This is a really solid season of television with heart, better cinematography and writing.

NOW: For background. I've seen all of the show and played a bit of the game. I also went through a 'lore of Witcher' phase on YouTube analyzing the books. Add onto all that a full 2 years of my life reading fanfic (Geralt/Jaskier, Jaskier/Yen, Geralt/Yen, or all of them in a poly relationship). I am no expert in the series, but where the show failed me, I went to other forms of the story.

So when I say I care about these characters, I am not talking out of my ass. I am going to go character by character and explain why this season helped me care again.

Ciri: Season 2 she was just kind of there? Yeah, she was learning, but she was a plot device. Yen wanted her, the Witchers wanted her, etc. In Season 3 I finally see a girl desperate for connection and safety. She asks all three adults what she should be in life for advice because shes scared. ('I see a powerful ruler regardless of what you do', 'in the future, if you are queen you're life will be shit'. and 'I like who you are now, focus on that and what makes you happy')

She is also SO SMART. I love she tries to impress Geralt with her monster knowledge. That she is really giving it her all with Yen and magic. But she knows that she just can't fit in with the Sorceress, and feels that she's wasting her gifts with Geralt. I know how her story ends and it hurts me to know that her optimism might just get crushed. SHE'S A CHILD!!!!

Yennifer: I AM SO SORRY I DOUBTED YOU! She is the boss ass bitch, I love her, and I fully forgive her for her self-sabotaging in Season 2. She genuinely wants to try to repair shit with Geralt. GENUINELY APOLOGIZING. Starting slow, showing Geralt that she's not just trying to be friendly for a cheap fuck. They spend time together. She is at war trying to balance her circles of influence AND take care of a kid. When she talks to her old friends, I SEE that being vague and secretive is hurting her. BUT SHE HAS TO for her family.

This is the first time I looked at Yen and thought 'She loves him'. All the 'magic kiss slowmo' bullshit didn't work for me. But when she wrote out 'your friend Yennifer' I BELIEVED HER. She's also so funny? Her struggle wearing masks is so relatable, and her teaching Ciri is heartbreaking.

GERALT: I LOVE THIS FUCKING HIMBO. He's trying to balance opening up, running away from authorities, and being a decent role model for his kid.

HE APOLOGIZED! MULTIPLE TIMES! For all his shitty actions! He does it so casually and earnestly! To Jaskier, Yen and Ciri. I don't know where this development happened, but GOD, I love it. He opens up!!!! He smiles, he get's soft, and he gets scary when he needs to!

He went from 'uncaring baddass' to 'oh god, he's a socially awkward nerd'. I finally see a Geralt I recognize. He's smart, and skilled but still struggles with socializing and doing what is right.

EPISODE 5 OH MY GOD. I am so happy they split this series up so we can stew in the cliffhanger!!!

I was on the edge of my seat. Geralt and Yen trust each other so implicitly they're able to make plans on the fly!

Jaskier: He's my favorite. Always has been. (I can write a paper on him this season I swear)

I went into this season expecting him to be in maybe a few scenes, but NO. My man was relevant to the plot.

1.) PLEASE GO TO THE OFFICIAL SOUNDTRACK AND LISTEN TO THE JASKIER ORCHESTRAL STUFF. It's so fucking fun! All plucky, and it sounds like you're going on an adventure and falling in love. 'Lessons in Smiling', 'He's a Spoon'.

2.) I FUCKING LOVED WHAT THEY DID WITH VALDO MARX. I was in no way spoiled, I didn't even know he'd show up. So I literally had to pause I squealed so loud. I wanted Jaskier to be treated well, and I wanted CANON Valdo Marx! I GOT BOTH! Also, All is Not As It Seems is a banger, but maybe overplayed. As Valdo deserves! You get the sense that Valdo is chasing trends and Jaskier fucking despises this man.

3.) THE ROMANTIC ARC. Now. I was spoiled that he'd get a love interest that was 'evil'. I fully expected a 'Douchebag convinces innocent protag they love them, only to double cross them'. This is how it starts. Jaskier catches on really quickly that he's probably going to get double-crossed.

Jaskier knows this is going to be a whole ordeal, so he tries to be as careful as possible. Seeming interested while keeping a distance. We can see Jaskier holding himself behind a mask, keeping the fun energy but watching Radovid in most scenes.

BUT. Jaskier is a romantic.

He knows this prince is bad news, he knows that. But something is keeping him stuck there. He sees his prince as someone to be suspicious of. A man who is willing to fake being drunk to hit on him. A prince who tries to be coy, and get Jaskier alone to talk. Who is usually there when Jaskier talks to his spy contacts. But...Well, we the audience has never seen how Jaskier acts around someone who genuinely likes him and who isn't afraid to show it.

Jaskier will follow a man who hates him for a good chunk of his life, writing songs about nature, love and heartbreak.

But in all this time he NEVER had someone to seriously listen to him. To see through his music, and lyrics, and look at the person he was.

So when this blonde prince sneaks away from an important party and admits that he's scared. And sings Jaskier one of his songs? Not a story written about adventure, or inuendo, or Geralt. No!

A song about how soft and kind love was because it let you be yourself with someone. How a person craves intimacy, even how music is written with untold words of love and kindness. How Jaskier finally feels complete in life! How Jaskier craves to be with someone, to be seen, even if it ends in heartbreak.

This prince finally SEES him...so.

Jaskier falls in love with Radovid of Redania.

Even if it's just for a night, even if it's just a crush. Jaskier can't help himself. He's the one to close the gap. To initiate the kiss. It's so GOOD.

Now. This is a man with bad intentions who is going to hurt Jaskier. I suspect that Jaskier fucking Radovid gave the 'enemy' enough time to kidnap Ciri. So.

Jaskier has always craved being seen by anyone who would listen. To be liked. To be loved. Here, on this one night, that craving was fully taken advantage of, (maybe)with a goal to hurt a person Jaskier cares about(Ciri, by leaving her alone). Even if it turns out that Radovid isn't involved, that he didn't mean for this, it would break Jaskier. Jaskier would close himself up, much like S1 Geralt, his heart wouldn't be safe with anyone. He will smile again. Dance and sing for adoring fans. But he'll never let someone dangerous in again.

I have always shipped Geralt/Jaskier, I really love reading it. I love angst/unrequited love. Hell, give it a week, and I'll read S3 fic. But this season I saw a Jaskier that didn't need Geralt anymore. Who had moved onto someone who at least seemed interested. Jaskier was simply a happy man doing what he loved. He was a weird Uncle teaching Ciri how to be human. I ADORE the scene where Geralt and Yen are talking and Ciri and Jaskier are secretly watching them. I finally feel like Jaskier is an accepted member of this family.

4.) Just seeing someone finally be comfortable in their own skin was so nice in this show. He's a funny, awkward, and sometimes charming guy. He's anxious ass all he'll, and scared and trying to rationalize the shit that's happened to him. He runs around doing stupid shit because he cares about his friends. He's not attached to Geralt's hip, and the audience gets a sense Jaskier has a life! I fucking love this man, and how he tries to seem brave around literal superhumans.

This season treated Jaskier, like how fandom on AO3 treated Jaskier, with respect, joy, and a plan to break his heart!

[beanieman]

Some Headcanon's About The YTTD Participants Parents

Sara Chidouin - Sara is super close to her Mom. They're very similar, and they like having days out together. They go out for a nice lunch and sometimes shopping at least once a month. She's a pretty good parent overall with not being strict on Sara, but also knowing when to put her foot down. Sara's relationship with her Father is more complicated. He's always been strict and overprotective. Trying to convince him to let her do anything is a struggle because he claims to be worried she'll get hurt. Sara also finds him to be to nosey. He's really insistent about learning about his friends to a sometimes odd degree.

Joe Tazuna - Joe had a single mother for the majority of his life. She's a great parent, but can't be around as much as she'd like because she works long hours to provide for her family. When Joe was twelve, his Mother married his step-mom who he gets along with really well. However, she's often not around either as she run's a small business making accessories. That leaves Joe hanging out with his friends often.

More Undercut

Gin Ibushi - Gin has a bad relationship with his often drunk Father who he generally considers to be a waste of time and effort. However, his Mother is very loving and gives him all the affection a child his age could dream of. She gives him plenty of toys, though the Mew-chan plush she gave him is clearly a favorite, and always takes time to speak with him in length after getting off work.

Keiji Shinogi - Keiji has a single mother. She's always been very supportive of him, and tried to give him the best life possible. In Keiji's adult years they're still very close and talk on the phone at least once every other day. He's a big Mama's boy.

Alice and Reko Yabusame - Alice is the carbon copy of his Mother. Their personalities are almost the exact same to the point it weirds Reko out sometimes, but they both love their Mother and adore her. They both have a more...complicated relationship with their Dad. He craved the limelight and signed some bad deals that made Reko preform music her heart wasn't in, but after she rebelled he ended up realizing what music meant to her and calmed down quite a bit. She's mostly forgiven him and is willing to at least try to turn the page, Alice however can't forgive what he did and how he betrayed his family. They're very low contact.

Nao Egokoro - Nao has very artistic parents. They love to paint, sculpt, and do things of that type. They always encouraged her creativity, and was almost more excited then her when she got into art collage. She's always been closer with her Dad, who Mishima reminds her of, but she's more like her Mother in both appearance and personality. They're both very outspoken and are really intense about their interests.

Kazumi Mishima - Mishima's parents where down right neglectful. They never cared and didn't pretend like they did. This lead to Mishima wanting to make something of himself to prove that he was worth something, which is why he went on such a downward spiral when he failed his exams the first time. However, he's let go of them since then and now focuses his energy into being the role model he never had,

Q-taro Burgerberg - Q-Taro's Mother surrendered him to the orphanage to give him a better life. She wasn't ready for a kid when she had him, and made the choice that was right for her.

Kai Satou - Gashu was a single father most of Kai's life since his Mother died at a young age. He was never treated as a son, more so the means to an end, but it took him a long time to realize that since Gashu was all he knew.

Kanna Kizuchi - Both of Kanna's parents adore her. They're always trying to encourage her and teach her that kindness is a virtue. They're very kind and loving, always listening when she talks and supporting her interests. However, they do tend to compare her to Kugie when she fail's in some way and this contributed to her "Everyone matters more then me." complex. They really didn't mean to hurt her, but even good parents tend to mess up in certain ways. Once Kanna gets back from the death game and tells them about Shin about what he did for her, they correct this behavior and do better.

Shin Tsukimi - Shin's parents are divorced. One of them coddles him far too much, and could easily be described as a bulldozer parent. They've spent his entire life trying to protect him from any real world issues, and that has heavily negatively impacted him. His other parent is very emotionally distant, and treats Shin more like an acquaintance then their son. He's not super close to either of them, but they do send him money quite often for different reasons. The bulldozer parent wants to make sure he's taken care of, and the emotionally distant parent tries to make up for their emotional negligence through gifts. I also think that one of Shin's parents have an intense anxiety disorder that they've pushed onto him.

[arigatonamuse]

the re-reading continues time for:

Episode 1 - The Show Must Go On! (pt1)

CW: I will be talking about parental neglect in this (also i call Itaru names but it's all /lh i promise)

Chapter 1

Me, reading the prologue: i’ve given up on thinking about the timeline Me, in the very first chapter: what if i tried, anyway?

*Quietly converts yen to my currency* Oh whew That’s more than the money i’d need to pay off my student loans

Sakuya 🤝 me Being confused about the “tricks” comment (i was able to understand it from context later on tho)

Honestly? Good on Massu for slapping Sakyo for saying that

Izumi rationalising her being neglected as “my dad loved this troupe” and holding onto that because if it wasn’t that way then he was just a neglectful father, Yukio HAD to love the troupe because if he didn’t… then where would that put her? (Izumi, my beloved, we was still neglectful towards you, you don’t need to make excuses for him, he kinda WAS a piece of shit since before vanishing and that’s not your fault and responsibility bby)

Izumi calling Mankai, which was more or less Yukio’s favourite child, a “priceless treasure” makes me wonder… is she doing all these, at least in part, so Yukio will finally see her worth or something? Because Mankai is a priceless treasure but his family wasn’t worth his time, is this Izumi trying to show her importance to her dad too?

Damn, Izumi really has to heal from some shit, doesn’t she?

HE ABANDONED YOU, IZUMI HE HAD ABANDONED YOU SINCE BEFORE HE FLED JAPAN

Izumi wanting Sakyo to retract his statement really makes me feel like i’m onto something regarding Izumi wanting to prove her important and worth to Yukio

I should Adopt this mindset in my life tbh

Chapter 2

I really wanna recreate the dorms somehow but i’m just remembering how the map is not actually up to scale and i tried alr and it was Weird and aaaaaaaah

I love how Izumi shuts down or ignores Masumi while still being a caring adult towards him, that’s some model adult shit tbh

Sakuya’s parents ;-;

Izumi saying things about Sakuya’s parents without Knowing make my heart ache for him so much

Oh i had forgotten how much i cannot stand Sakuya’s relative from the phone call I’m feeling a bit violent at reading through her lines

I do wonder… Sakkun says he’s been crashing at his friends’ places but… how come we’ve never heard of his friends again?

Ngl now i’m wondering if the line about meeting his parents was just Massu trying to change the conversation topic away from… his family situation 

Again, tho, i love how Izumi is explicit in telling him no when it comes to those comments

She’s such a caring and generally Good Adult towards the younger members ;w;

Chapter 3

I wonder how Matsukawa’s food was bad in order for it to be salvageable through curry, bc i do know that Izumi’s a queen when it comes to making it but i doubt you can salvage like… overcooked food or just a weird food goop with it?

(I am now thinking about An’s rant about curry (i think about it often ngl))

Now that i think about it… i actually wanna listen to Izumi’s rambles about spices too, please and thank you

I would love to watch OG Harugumi’s romijuli

HAKAKU MENTION HOLY SHIT

Chapter 4

Massu and Tsuzuru questioning why actors need to exercise… meanwhile i’m having flashbacks at my hs theatre club’s “warm up” exercises including circus bs every now and then (no really, i learnt how to jump through a hoop and land in different ways)

I had forgotten Massu’s parents had their SECRETARY answer to Mankai regarding their son’s whole ass living arrangements

Izumi is so quick to point out when someone’s parents/tutors don’t care about their child and yet… *looks at her making excuses for Yukio*

Chapter 5

I love how Tsuzuru is already thinking like a storyteller even though he doesn’t have the scriptwriter role yet

That said, Tsusuru, you’re wrong, there are MANY things one can do with a limited cast, you just have to break away from the traditional theatre structure

THE HOMELESS

Same, Tsuzuru, same

DOGHOUSE

Something something Masumi's a sheltered rich kid

Note: ask An what Citron’s lines say in Japanese (idk exactly what they say but i think loc had to change them a lot based on the ham/daikon change)

IZUMI WAS ONTO HIM FROM THE FIRST MOMENT THEY MET SHE WAS ONTO HIM (and we have the seed of suspicion planted for understanding Citron’s character more in depth)

oh my god, Tsuzuru, you can't just ask someone why they're wearing a headscarf 

Citron i love you but you cannot talk about bare skin when your v neck goes that deep

“With all due respect, are you nuts?!”

The pleasure is all mine, Sir Citron (this is the part where i try and fail to convince people that i’m normal about my faves)

I feel so bad for Sakuya wrt the spinning around but also i cannot stop giggling

istg i read the way Sakuya literally stumbled on Itaru in more than one fic back in the 2010s

Itaru you fucking liar i see you

SARDINE CAN ROOMS Citron i get that you’re a prince and all but those rooms are actually pretty damn spacious 

Chapter 6

Have i mentioned that i love Citron? Bc i love Citron

Izumi’s right, Citron is very pretty and i think we need to talk about that more

This is the first time where Citron says something ridiculous, so far his grammar and vocab haven’t been anything outlandish (except for a “Manzai Company” mention last chapter) This could be proof that Citron does what he does on purpose as a mood maker, he waited for a bit, talking to the troupe more or less normally at first, before pulling this, and he does this the moment he sees people seem to be distressed (i should add this to the Citron essay)

Tsuzuru being so determined on what he wants to do makes you want to root for him so bad, i care he

Tsuzuru and Hakkaku parallels shown this early on! 

But also Tsusuru bby it’s been two days and you’re already trying to pile too many things on your plate

Izumi being so harsh with him (yet giving him this big ass chance) lowkey reminds me of Sakyo in the first chapter

“Abducted alien” something something Citron othering himself while still being "in character"

I am so emo about Izumi’s lines regarding being on stage She loved the stage so much she deserves to be kinder on herself and give herself more chances

KASUMI MENTION (no names but y'know) I am VERY curious about what the original Japanese says here Also i love that this seemed like a throwaway line back then, but now we know who it was referring to and we actually got to meet Kasumi? It means so much more now

Chapter 7

Oh Izumi you’re gonna be so disappointed

Itaru I’m onto you

ITARU I’M ONTO YOU

Dw Izumi, it’s not your fault, he took up your offer with the conditions you mentioned

“あめんぼあかいなあいうえお” -> *starts singing Citron no Tadashii Nihongo Kouza? In his head*

I love Citron so much (but also i’m onto you too y’know)

Chapter 8

Massu’s relationship with Tsuzuru has improved so much, it makes me so emo

HE WASN’T GOING TO UNI? TSUZURU PLEASE!

I’d forgotten how annoyed i was at Itaru at first but whew he sure annoys me with his disappearing, excuses, and not giving a shit outside the scheduled rehearsals

HE MADE IZUMI WORRY AND I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER

MASUMI PLEASE

I love how quick Sakuya and Citron are to care about their troupemates Idk if it is the same in the original but Citron calling Tsuzuru “my dear Tsuzuru” is actually so cute to me ;w; (I know he’s partly just being dramatic but still, it’s cute)

Chapter 9

I love how Massu just deadpans his question about if it’s a gay script

Citron, anything you wanna share with the class?

TSUZURU AND MIZUNO LORE (i’d forgotten they mentioned his inspiration this early)

Citron’s line about understanding Tsuzuru makes so much more sense knowing about his past (I wonder if he’s thinking about Guy here?) And him following the first time he opens up, ever, with a mistake is SO interesting to me it makes Tsuzuru focus on the mistake instead of Citron’s possible backstory, and his correction makes the audience follow along that path too and--

Tsuzuru’s so right to say that Sakuya represents what Harugumi stands for, he has no idea 

“No protein dayo”

Oho now we have two people onto Citron

Sakkun leader!

Tsuzuru so mean to Citron :<

ITARU GAMER REVEAL

Honestly i’d completely forgotten about how it took me some time to warm up to Itaru but i’m so excited to see that happen again now

Chapter 10

CITRON SOUNDS SO UPSET AT HIS NUMBER OF LINES I’M SORRY MY DEAR 

ITARU YOU DIRTY LIAR

Before Banri “Super Ultra Easy Mode” Settsu, there was Masumi

Sakuya is trying so hard i wanna cry from love

MASUMI PLEASE DON’T BE MEAN TO SAKKUN HE’S TRYING HIS BEST

Ngl tho i can’t be that upset at Masumi because his criticisms are right Like yeah he’s being a bit harsh and should’ve given everyone more time to feel their place with the script before making them but… he’s… not wrong Something something Masumi had a different experience with the script so he expects everyone to be similar

NOOOO SAKKUN DON’T SAY THAT

Massu that’s not what Tsuzuru said, that’s a whole new sentence

Citron to the rescue

sEE! SEE! HE MAKES MISTAKES WHEN THE MOOD IS TENSE TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD!

Itaru you bitch

Aaaaand i got to the max images i could add to one post alright see y'all in pt2

[venting-corner]

Miraculous sibling AU part 1

What do you think Adrien needs? Good character development? Correct. Being the mc of his own story? Indeed. Screentime? True. An honest person in his life? Also true. He needs all of those things, but most of all, for these to happen he needs a good role model. After all, every adult in Adrien's life failed him (not sure about Emilie yet). Therefore, introducing older sister au!

(basically, this is me giving Adrien a role model that loves him with no strings attached)

Name: Lovett Agreste

Age: 19

Looks like a carbon copy of "the father of the year"

With her always being there for Adrien, whiplash of Gabriel changing from bad to worse would affect him more and not at the same time

However, as Lovett is 19 she is away in college (rebellion!) and can't support Adrien like she used to. Because of her 'little' rebellion Gabriel keeps an eye on Adrien more, but this also inspires Adrien to fight back and go to school behind his father's back.

Mr. "Fashion designer" tries to limit Adrien's interaction with Lovett, deeming her as a lost cause and a disappointment, but Lovett's collage knowledge comes in handy to help Adrien from a distance, giving him advice on love(she doesn't know anything about love), girls, interaction(from her own limited experiences, she's also learning), and even heroing, without knowing. She promises to get him away from mr.desperation, unfortunately despite her efforts Adrien still excuses his father's action, but not as severe as in canon. She's there as a good ranting partner, letting Adrien express his emotions in his civilian form and she listens.

That doesn't mean they don't have fights, especially regarding Mr.Insecurity. While they both have tempers, Lovett doesn't have a good handle on it and raises her voice to defend her argument without knowing. Screaming in general is a great way to let out her frustration, but it affects Adrien as it reminds him of their father, showing how similar they are. Adrien immediately falls into his obedient behavior he has around Mr. Superiority complex, but there's a different feeling that he doesn't have around Mr. Loneliness. Years of trusting his sister and feeling free to be himself with her makes him feel comfortable enough to argue, push back and scream. Something he would never dare to do to anyone else, maybe villains. So there are two sides that are fighting to be the main one. (I don't know how to continue)

She constantly sends memes to him and challenges him to a pun war.

When Chat Noir started his hero career, she became his fan and always gets into an argument with Adrien about how he is the best, funny, important. She even sends him pictures of his merch that she specifically ordered from France. Adrien doesn't know if he should be happy or die from embarrassment, so he decides to do both.

They sometimes suddenly play out anime or movie scenes, throwing quotes left and right. It also helps to be close to their mother, as she was an actress.

Because Mr. Hypocrite is Mr. Perfection, she also learned how to play piano and she has conflicting feelings about that as she loves piano. She bought a compact keyboard, so they could play duets over face time. When Adrien practices whatever piece he needs to perfect, she abruptly interrupts with other music. Like anime intros

For the last part she comes back before the collector, if Marinette is going to have a master that knows who she is, then Adrien is going to have a role model that knows about Chat Noir. A good parallel, don't you think?

[leffee]

Some Shahrukh things for you!

- he’s super protective especially over the people he cares about and tends to always have his guard up

- he always has to look good “be camera ready”so to speak his appearance means as much to him as it does to Zoe

- he despises his parents, even though they’re the ones who got him into his lifestyle in the first place. they wanted more out of him then he was able to give and not only did they try to force him to marry someone he didn’t love just for status, but they constantly pressured him to be the best at things like modeling,acting, singing,dancing,interviews ect.. so they could brag about their perfect son. 

- he hides his feelings so well that nobody has ever seen him cry or he rarely shows any emotion he feels like it makes him weak, but he’s slowly starting to realize that it actually makes him stronger.

- he helps Zoe with fashion and modeling things,teaching her everything he’s learned along the way, and trying to direct her and answer Any questions she might have. sometimes even getting her little gigs here and there to get her started. he calls himself her coach. 

- Shahrukh and Vinnie had started to grow closer since he started hanging with Sunil more. Vinnie would follow him around and hang with him when Sunil wasn’t there so he started getting used to him giving him the nickname little buddy because he’s so short and he’s now his buddy who’s company he enjoys more then Vinnie thinks.

- he got really into rebuilding cars and actually got pretty good at it. He’s still learning, but he buys cars that he thinks are cool but could use some work as a bit of a challenge for himself. Seeing the finished product brings him so much satisfaction (all stemming from him being able to accomplish, something himself for once in his life)

- he learned Hindi from a tutor, his parents hired so that he could be “in touch” with his Indian culture or more so so his parents could say that they all were and their son definitely was following in their footsteps, even though they barely speak a lick of it themselves

- he realizes how big of an influence he is so he tries his hardest to always be the best role model to every single one of his fans. He puts a lot of pressure on himself to still be the best, even though underneath he suffers, but they’re happiness means more to him and he do anything not to lose them. 

That’s all for now. Let me know what you think. 🙂 would you like more of him? 

Ok ok, so before I even start, I will tell you that yeah, of course I want more of him! I want more of everything lps-related, so of course, him, Vinnie (especially Vinnie, but you know it), and literally anyone else would be great :3

man, just like Vinnie. Wait, no, Leffee, not everything is always about Vinnie (unbelivable, I know). It's Shahrukh time and damn why is his name so hard to spell. I imagine that Shahrukh actually has quite a few things that help him with being protective aka being intimidating to others due to his acting and everything else skills. Surely, he might have some decent fighting skills, right? Just a thought

yeah, that makes total sense, and they're both kinda divas in a way, though honestly I think Shahrukh might care about such stuff even more than Zoe... ok, maybe not, but they're at least at a tie. But contrary to Zoe, Shahrukh has paparazzi constantly after him, taking pictures and all (I'd imagine, Zoe's probably jealous about it when I think about it, not realizing how draining that is) so yeah, he's proooobably a little bit too aware of his own outward looks

ok, ok, all of that I expected as bad as it is, but that forced marriage? Damn it, that's such a big thing. So, he was basically forced into this whole super star thing, huh? Not surprised, poor guy. But hey, at least that gave him money so that's something, right? ...Right? Yeah, I don't think that's enough for him to forgive his parents either way. I will also guess that before he was an adult they took all that money for themselves, but that's theory terrority, theory that I created based on your purely made up headcanons xD but hopefully you like that

oh, just like Vinn- no no, it's not about him again, lol. But yeah, that sure is a Shahrukh-worthy headcanon. So like, he doesn't show many emotions at all normally, but then he's doing all his movie/acting stuff and has to be emotional, well, fake emotional but still. I imagine it looks like this: he stands in front of the camera completely neutral but as soon as he hears "action!" he changes into whatever emotion is needed for the scene. It's a matter of miliseconds

Oh more Zoe and Shahrukh, I mean, not surprised, they're very similar, aren't they? As grateful as Zoe is, I think she'd also be a biiiit unhappy with the fact that Sharukh has so many connections and experiences, more than her anyway. She's the star, damnit! But... at the end of the day she's thankful for his guidance, though I think she wouldn't be quick to admit it to other's (especially her more famous friends like Madame Pom) that she is being trained by him (because that would be admitting that she can't do it on her own) but would be happy to say that Shahrukh is her friend

VINNIE abajs, I mean, yeah, him. Ok, but I just think of situation that Sunil idk, went away for a while somewhere, so of course Vinnie (in his usual absent-Sunil-panic) immediately latached onto him, because not only does he looks very similar to Sunil but also is not that super different personality-wise from Sunil as one might think. Vinnie just kinda appeared behind Shahrukh and was like "Sunil's not here today, so you'll have to deal with me today." Ahaha, yeah. And then they grew closer, perfect. And then of course the nickname little buddy came. What if what if, Vinnie got a little offended because he's not short damnit (he is) but Shahrukh told him that it's not about his height, it's just an affectionate thing, nothing more (but it is, it is about his height actually, Vinnie just wasn't made to believe so).

ye, I remember that headcanon, but I think now it's in more detail. Putting his money to good use, huh? Good for him *clap emoji* and the reason behind it, oh! I like it, it's deep, but I wonder if he even realizes that's why he likes doing it so much himself. Either way good for him, look at him go! What if one day he got to a point that he's actually able to build his dream car (whatever it might look like) completely on his own, hm? I think it might be a thing!

okay, I know this is sad but the whole bit of Shahrukh's parents using it all to say that he is "following in their footsteps" actually made me laugh given the context xD because yeah, no. But of course they would tell everyone that this is the reason. Imagine how awkward it would be if someone asked them to speak some Hindi since they're so good at it >.>. But hey, hopefully maybe it genuinely helped him feel a bit more in touch with his culture, orrrr maybe not and it just overworked him 🙃 

I'd imagine that he would be quite attached to his fans, wouldn't he? Sure, their existence makes it so that he has to put on a perfect performance, but at least many of them genuinely support him and like him, which sure is nice. So of course he wants to give something back to them and that would be being a good influence for them, to actually give them something valuable, even if it all hurts him in a way

Told you I would reply to more and I have time today ^^. But I gotta admit, as much as I like reading and replying to those headcanons Shahrukh's name is so complicated to spell out, I have to focus so much while writing it lol 😭. But still, he's a good boy

[flowerandblood]

One thing I want to say I love about your writing in ‘The fall from the heavens’ is how you write Jace and Baelas relationship because not every relationship betrothed is a happy one made of love or even friendships. You’ve managed to capture that idea perfectly as they are both pretty much tolerating each other and learning how to manage a relationship since they didn’t exactly have the best examples growing up.

Jace had Rhaenyra and Laenor who was killed as a child and the fact Harwin was his real father. Jace knew his parents were never really in love and with Rhaenyra and Daemon Jace knows Daemon doesn’t treat him as a real son even when he may think so as he is a bastard and not a true Targaryen like his mother.

While Baela had to witness her parents go through the traumatic process of childbirth. We don’t know any miscarriages of Laena but Laena knew deep down she was always the second woman compared to Rhaenyra as Laena didn’t give any sons whole Rhaenyra gave birth to 5. And also Baela watched her mother on the verge of death.

Both these children had terrible parental role models in love and like I said earlier are merely trying to navigate love and relationships they will need to styay with there whole life. (Sorry for this ramble I honestly just believe you have such a poetic sense of writing that’s so extraordinary to read!)

😭😭😭😭

You don't even know how much those words mean to me! I wanted the universe of The Fall from the Heavens to be as expansive as possible, so that we actually have a look at several different sides:

1) Rheanys and Aemond, who are two children who, without even knowing it, fell in love with each other very early on. When you are a child, love and friendship seem to be the same thing, with the addition of hugs or innocent kisses. Children don't think about intimacy the way adults do, because they are not aware of it: they want to be close to each other because their gut tells them so, because they feel safe together. After Aemond loses his eye they are separated and their sense of security and their foundations are destroyed. When they see each other eight years later they are both just as tired and lonely, only for different reasons.

2) Daemon and his regret about participating in the lives of Viserys' sons despite knowing that they needed it and that perhaps it would have changed everything. He has chosen his own pride and prejudice and in his own spiteful way he tries to make amends (he upholds that Aemond and Rheanys' betrothal is in force, he does not undermine their marriage when they meet to speak, he listens to their terms even though he could just call them traitors).

3) Jace and Baela, who are two people close to each other who become betrothed and find that something is missing. This sense of discomfort causes feelings of frustration, and this tends to make us unintentionally hurt the other person, be mean and unkind to them because they are not what we deep down want. The fact that they broke off their betrothal, although painful, was a sign of their maturity and their understanding that if they got married, they would hate each other, which is something neither of them wants.

4) Alys, a bastard who has nothing and who has earned everything she has acquired on her own. She could have simply done what Larys told her to do: she could have not even tried to seduce Aemond, but simply tricked Rhaenys into thinking she did and manipulated her. Rhaenys's kindness, her honesty and innocence makes her conscience speak out, and although she doesn't have to, she makes the decision to defy him: it shows what kind of character she really is.

5) Aegon and Helaena: they live in a bit of a vacuum until their children are born and a threat to their continued existence emerges. It turns out that Aegon is able and willing to be a father who is responsible: he and his sister, guided by their well-being, grow closer, and the sense of togetherness makes Aegon a better king, a better husband, a better brother and a better man.

The truth is that all of these characters influence each other and their decisions change destiny, and I wanted the reader to feel that way when reading this story. I didn't want them to be puppets who say a sentence, appearing when the action stands to move some romantic plot forward, disappearing after a while. So, once again, thank you for this message!

[houseoracastle]

send MORTAL for a scene from my muse's past in which they had a brush with death, either themselves or someone close to them (lennon)

Lennon stood in his bathroom, staring in the mirror, not recognizing the person he saw. His shoulder-length hair, the shortest cut his mother had allowed, was down and messy, unbrushed for days now. It hid his implants, and sometimes it hid half of his face, too. When he wanted to disappear, imagining his hair was a curtain, keeping him from other people's sights.

His school uniform shirt was a little too big, he liked wearing it the way the other boys at school wore their shirts. He liked the way it would come untucked when he ran around the playground, playing soccer or tag or football, whatever he could get involved in that let him run around and roughhouse with the other kids. It was untucked now, long enough that it almost covered the skirt he wore. The skirt. The reason he got into a fight with his parents. Every. Single. Day.

He'd tried everything. Even teachers had signed his petition to let everyone have the chance to wear pants to school, but the principal didn't care. It was all about tradition, and traditionally the kids that were assigned 'female' at birth wore skirts. Lennon was forced to wear the skirt every day, it didn't matter what he did to try and convince all the adults in his life that he wasn't a girl, that he wanted to be seen the way he felt inside.

His cheeks were red, probably from rubbing at them as he sobbed the entire drive home from his therapist's office, and wet with fresh tears. Even his therapist didn't listen to him, sitting on the floor with him to play a game with stupid purple cards where they'd flip them over and try to find matches. Telling him that it was totally normal to want to play sports and to not like wearing skirts and dresses, that this was a 'phase' a lot of kids went through. She'd told him his feelings were valid, but without ever validating his feelings. And while he'd cried quietly in the backseat, his father had lectured him for the rest of the afternoon. His father wanted him to know that proper young ladies didn't act the way Lennon did. Why couldn't Lennon be more like his sister? She was such a good role model, why hadn't he learned more from her?

In his hand was the kitchen knife he'd stolen after dinner, hiding it in the waistband of the skirt they made him wear every day. The tip of the knife dripped red liquid, and seeing this made Lennon drop it, gasping.

The bathroom floor was going to be ruined.

He tried to mop up the mess on the floor with the towel he'd left there that morning after showering, but he wasn't doing any good. As he wiped, his hands dripped more blood, onto the towel, the floor, his white uniform shirt. And Lennon was choking on his own sobs as black spots danced in front of his vision and the movement of the towel over the messy floor became erratic and then slowed down altogether.

"Eleanor? Ellie, open the door baby, are you alright?"

Hearing the name made Lennon want to scream, but he didn't have the energy. "Leave me alone," he tried to yell, but his tongue felt thick, and the words were difficult to get out. Somehow it felt even worse that the last word he'd ever hear was the name that made him want to throw up every time he heard it.

Lennon was laying on the floor now, the dirty towel underneath him. He felt so tired. But he wasn't sobbing anymore, just the occasional hiccup as his body tried to recover from the emotional turmoil of the day. Somebody was banging on the door, shouting, screaming, but he didn't really hear it anymore. His vision was fuzzy as he forced himself to roll onto his back, looking up at the fluorescent bathroom light, way up in the high ceiling. He'd always hated how big this bathroom was, it was a bitch to clean. And he was leaving his parents with such a mess.

The last thing he saw, letting his head fall to the side as he let himself drift into a sleep he planned never to come out of, was the door opening, splintering near the knob, and his father stumbling into the room. There was a ringing in his ears, and then it was over. Everything was silent, and dark.

[writermuses]

About Andrew Gruffydd

Age: 41

FC: Henry Cavill

Career: Chief Firefighter

Fears: losing his chosen family

Height: 6'1

Role model(s): His bestie Cara Hornik

Things they hate: Unsolicited advice, socializing, and people lacking common sense

They will love you if... you accept that he is a parent first and trauma makes him slow to open up

Favorite film(s): The Maltese Falcon or The Silence of the Lambs

Favorite tv show(s): Bluey, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, or Scrubs

Drew was always deemed hyperactive. His parents struggled to handle their early riser who was go-go-go all day every day. Putting him in rugby seemed to help. At least, it got him napping, they thought. However, his interest would veer or he would get used to the routine and need new engagement and more activity. This led to new hobbies for the little guy including swimming, running, biking, hiking, hunting, and skiing. No matter how hard Andrew tried, school never seemed to click for him. Classes at the lower grades were engaging enough, but when he hit his core classes as a teenager, he couldn’t stay focused in the test-centric drill-and-kill society and transferred to a trade school. His parents were adamant that ‘boys would be boys’ and refused advice to have him tested for any ADHD, though he had several markers.

He was lucky in several ways when he entered his training to become a firefighter. First, he didn’t move away, so he could stay in touch with his friends. Drew got along with most people. They liked his silliness, he was a nice and fairly good looking- plus he was a talented athlete. They never judged him for his decision to pursue a career that could potentially cost him his life, paid little, and was oftentimes thankless and looked down on. His friends were his rock because his parents were perpetually giving him looks of disappointment, though they seemed to love him enough. His closest friends; Cara, Ronan, and Essa were inseparable. They’d all ‘dated’ each other at some point in their grade school through adult life, but none ever clicked so well as Ronan and Essa. Honestly, their relationship taught him a lot about jealousy and putting others before himself. At the end of the day, he took a brother role with everyone.

Andrew’s life was a balance between working, sleeping, hanging out with his friends, and picking up women to pass the time. He’d made no effort to commit because he hadn’t built a relationship that he cared about more than his love of his closest friends or his job. Simply put, Drew was waiting for a connection that was meaningful with someone that his friends approved of. So, when his station got a call for a multi-vehicle crash, casualties expected, he hadn’t anticipated that his world was about to change. The jaws of death couldn’t save Ronan and Essa. His two friends who had bonded over their shared experience over the loss of their own parents, married with Cara and Drew at their side, and who had a beautiful little two year old. Ronan and Essa had left Nora to her godparents, Drew and Cara, and just like that, he became a ‘dad’.

Having joint custody of his goddaughter has had its ups and downs. Drew struggles with looking at Nora and seeing his friends, as well as going out and meeting new people. There’s a bit of emotional stuntedness that comes with knowing that now, whomever he dates, won’t know the people that knew him best or that he’s growing and changing without those two people. Andrew still, however, is a very loving and playful person. He’s simply trying to figure out what life will look like as time goes on. The loss of his friends has brought him closer to his now-divorced parents and his remaining childhood friend Cara. However, there continues to be distance with his siblings, who don’t understand his relationship with his friends and not them. Though Nora calls him Drew and describes him as her ‘uncle’ she’s taken to calling Cara mom and that does sting a bit, though he understands as he spends his time helping Nora know her parents while Cara helps Nora enjoy life.

[samanddeanloveeachothersomuch]

I think it's amazing how Sam looks up to Dean even when they're adults. He told Lucifer that Dean would come and kick his ass. Lucifer. Sam's terrified of Lucifer for obvious reasons but I think this showcases the faith, Sam has in Dean even now. Dean was one of Sam's earliest role models and with their dad out hunting, Dean played an even bigger role. For Sam Dean is "the man without sin." Now obviously Dean is not infallible. He's made plenty of mistakes and I know Dean blames himself for every one but to Sam he pretty much is. Dean almost killed Sam several times but it wasn't him. It was because of the Mark of Cain or because he was a demon or because of Chuck's influence. Sam's devotion to Dean is earth-shattering in a lot of ways but it's quiet. It stays in the shadows but comes out in huge ways. I hope Dean realizes just how much Sam looks up to him.

Dean's devotion to Sam is earth-shattering but it's loud. I think sometimes that is why people wonder if Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam. He does and the show shows this well but because Sam isn't constantly making for lack of a better word love declarations or making deals with demons or Death or even Michael for Dean it may look like he doesn't love him as much. This is of course not true. I also think this is why Sam runs away sometimes, between his own love for Dean and Dean's love for him it's overwhelming. I think it's overwhelming for Dean too but he is awed by it. Like in the finale he was awed by how much he truly loves Sam. More than his dad and more than his mom because Sam was always there when no one else was. Sam is awed by it too but he tends to shy away from the enormity of his love for Dean while Dean embraces it, although it does scare him sometimes. Sam and Dean's love for each other is written into their shared soul. (This is a different meta altogether but I think it's interesting how they sometimes feel guilty when they sacrifice the world for each other or how Dean was terrified to go to Hell but yet they wouldn't do anything differently.)

When Dean looks at Sam all he feels is proud. He doesn't see a blood-junkie or ex-blood junkie, he doesn't feel contempt or disgust, he doesn't see Sam's mistakes, he doesn't see a completely different person then who he knew all his life. He's proud of the man Sam has become although I'm sure he also sees the kid Sam was. He calls Sam "Sammy" when Sam is like 40 years old. It's of course a sign of endearment but also a sign that Sam will always be "Sammy" to him. Going by the show Dean played a big part in raising Sam so he does have a certain ability to get Sam to do what he wants kinda like a parent with their adult child. Sam does tend to listen to Dean more than his dad because I think in a lot of ways he trusts Dean more. (Which is probably fair. I mean their dad literally told Dean if you can't save him you'll have to kill him. Dean would never kill Sam but John I think he'd be at least thinking about killing both his sons at some point throughout the seasons. Let's not forget the Mark of Cain and Dean being a demon. I also think if John ever tried to kill Sam Dean would never let him.) Dean also knows how to get through to Sam which is something their dad probably never perfected. Sam is very much used to Dean's love because their bond is so unconditional.

Even though he got pissed Dean would take their dad's side a lot of the time I'm sure he knew if it was a matter of his safety and it was truly life or death even when Dean was very much deferring to their dad Dean would put him first. Big brother first, soldier and hunter second. (I think that defined pretty much all his life: Big brother first, soldier and hunter second.) Dean has done things throughout their childhood for Sam that maybe went against their dad a bit. The fireworks that made Sam so happy, Dean somehow convincing his dad to let Sam come on hunts, Dean watching Sam's play, letting Sam believe in the Easter Bunny until he was twelve.

Dean does not and never has seen Sam as something less than human or a monster or a freak. I know he's said some hurtful things that were of course targeted to hurt Sam because he felt hurt himself but that definitely does not mean he meant them. You hurt the people you love the most and because of the enormity of their love they have hurt each other horribly. Their bond is stronger than the hurt though. Sam is used to Dean's anger, used to his dad's anger who Dean inherited that particular trait from. He's used to it in himself as well it's just he's not prone to anger as quickly. Sam needs Dean to be proud of him and put him above everyone else and when that's threatened he tends to go a little crazy. (I'm not trying to say Sam is selfish by any means I'm just saying considering all the instability in their lives that one thing is a constant, Sam says as much, and I think anyone would go a little crazy if the one thing they always knew to be true was taken from them.) That is why season 8 happened but I'm glad Dean was able to get through to him. While I do think he knows how Dean gets when he's angry Sam also doesn't want to be a burden and he tends to internalize everything. Anything Dean says in anger, or jest, or frustration, or betrayal, or because he's being facetious get internalized and that's how you get Sacrifice. Because despite being able to read Dean and know he didn't mean it Sam has a lot of self-hate and it tends to fuel the fire.

Dean knows how good Sam is though. He knows he's a hero. I don't truly think Dean has ever looked at Sam as anything but good. He was adamant that Sam wouldn't turn into Max. He was adamant that soulless Sam was not his brother and not Sammy. He told Sam he had thought he was doing the right thing because Sam is always trying to do the right thing and told the doctor in the mental hospital that Sam wasn't evil and while that scene was hilarious I'm 100% sure he truly meant it. (I swear he's also told him you've helped a lot more people than you've hurt but I could be wrong on that one.) His actions also support Dean believing Sam is good because he literally didn't want to let Sam down by saying yes to Michael and of course the biggest of all he went to the cemetery with the understanding he might be killed because he refused to let Sam die alone.

In the end, he did save Sam because their love for each other was what allowed Sam to overpower Lucifer, therefore, saving the world. Their love saves them over and over again. If Sam and Dean hadn't been born the apocalypse happens. I'm sure Dean has always saw Sam as more pure and good than Sam has ever seen himself. I'm sure Dean thinks Sam is a better person than him as well. I think Sam knows this too. (I'm aware of the voicemail of course but one I'm sure Sam figured out that was a manipulation even if they never talked about it and two I headcanon that they did talk about it at some point.) Like I and others have said nothing can tear them apart permanently. Not God and not Death. They accept each other for who they are and still see each other as good even after everything.

[moneeko]

minor antagonists; How do I think it should look?

I'm not going to talk about Gabriel or Nathalie. however, I wanted to talk about how I think characters like Chloe, Lila, and Felix should be on the show and interact with the main characters. This can be considered as rewriting. as you like.

Chloe Bourgeois; appears from the first season. And she is portrayed as a mean girl from a rich family. (canon) and ok until her failed redemption ark didn't appear: Chloe is the daughter of a politician (Andre) and a fashion critic (Audrey). She was raised baked by butlers and maids because her father was busy. when he appeared, he rewarded her with expensive gifts. Chloe knew her mother only from television and tried to impress by imitating her. (that's why she had no friends except for Adrien, others used for money) Chloe doesn't see Adrien as a romantic interest but as a friend, as she sees someone around him she is a typical bully/mean girl. She is always next to Sabrina. he does not see her as a friend but as a squire. And Sabrina sees her as a friend and role model (dress style etc) Generally from the canon, I love her episodes like queen wasp, showing that she learns from mistakes and tries to be good even though she is still mean. Redemption Ark, although it is sometimes mean (it has conflicts); Status: Anti-Hero ( Sympathetic villain)

Lila; Rossi

about Lila. I'll tell you about the boy when the episode of Volpin appeared, I thought it would be another super hero, but it turned out to be a villain. What if she was a superhero (traitor), I'll explain my idea to you. Lila Rossi is an exchange student from Italy. She is naturally pleasant and everyone believes her (charming and empathetic.) Everyone succumbs to her lies, but unlike the original, she uses such a range that is achievable (e.g. she does not lie that there was a must for Jaged but she was at every of his concerts, etc.) notes in in her diary lies to remember what she said so as not to make a mess. It is unknown where she got the fox miraculous, but she is the one who craves attention as Volpina claims she is stronger. Using your powers to your advantage. He makes a deal with the moth lord (You'll help me get the Miraculous and you'll be the hero) Lila agreed. In school life, however, she watched over her thirst for attention and fame as Vopina leads to the finals 3 and 4. Lila/Volpina manipulates Chloe into akuminizing for her parents. and Until Ladybug and Chat Noir lose all Miraculous.

status; As Lila Rossi (false donor)

Status as Volpina ; False donor Traitor

Felix Fanthon/Graham de Vanily

I love Felix. and may surprise you since it first appears (although the model could have been modified more). She's the perfect "bad" person to develop Adrien's personality. He hates his uncle (Gabriel) and wants to reclaim his family's breasts and the Peacock Miraculous for his mother. (I'll take a little from SentiAdrien/felix theories) The boy is close to his mother but cold to the rest, Amelie thinks it's because of the death of his father and sister (yes in my au Felix had a younger sister named Diana) The character of Felix, even as he pretends to be Adrien, tries to make him realize something, but Adrien does not understand what allows him to guess over time. Felix reluctantly joins Gabriel (as well as Nathalie and Lila) to help with the Miraculous but gave him the condition that he will give him the Peacock Miraculous. And thanks to him and Lilie, Gabriel manages to get the rest of the Miraculous (not counting the ladybug and the black cat) While there is a ball organized by Gabriel, Felix shows up. When Argos transforms and makes a Sentimonster (moon) which he calls her Diana (may be in the form of his sister) with her help she gets rid of the adults. And here comes a conversation with him with Adrien and Kagami. Thanks to this, Adrien understands and tries to help his brother after his sister's despair, to which Felix says that he has three people to protect (His mother / Amelie, Adrien and Diana ( sentimonster))

Status; Anti Hero

these are my ideas, an outline of what I would do with them. And uses it for the concept of a comic book with them.