#and how it shapes his life and himself

[yellowocaballero]

just rereading your reverse robins au...i have to say, i don't think anyone understands tim drake like you do. by far the most superior reverse robins au to ever exist. and it's not like tim is the only character you understand either! you get them all! it's earthshattering & spectacular.

I would love to demur and go "oh, surely I'm not the only one who understands Tim Drake and writes a suitably unhinged Tim just as unhinged as in the comics -"

No. I am. You guys need to shape up about writing Tim. What is with this sadboy 'I just want a family' 'where's my coffee' woobie stuff. Go back and read the comics. This man is fucking insane.

I've talked before on this blog about how I finagled writing a Tim who is very much unlike any Tim, but who still feels the same. The man REALLY canonically has an addictive/obsessive personality (complete with deeply escapist tendencies and disregard for if the object of addiction is dangerous/bad for him - it is the profile of an addict). We feel that, because it's his personality in the comics, and even though no sane person would write the kid with a coke addiction we still vibe that it fits with what we know of him. Sometimes choosing to write somebody DRASTICALLY out of character can get down into the core of the character better than anything else.

In fanfic people write Tim as perpetually seeking a family, and I think on one level it's true - he LOVED Dick's (guilty.) attention and brotherhood. But I don't think he really had a father relationship with Bruce and I don't think he really wanted it. Man literally tried to falsify an uncle so he wouldn't have to suffer adult supervision. Bruce kept him at an emotional arms length because of Jason. When his dad tried to reconnect with Tim as a teenager, Tim did love him and felt guilty for the discord he caused, but he just straight up wasn't emotionally invested in the relationship(and not really for abuse reasons - comic split between bad parents/abusive parents is uhh ill-done, but I think Jack is almost never written as an abusive parent with authorial intent, which imho is the important thing). Tim holds adults and family figures at arms length. He's close with Young Justice, but they never even know his ID - he loves them, but he's not intimate with them. He is a cold person and he never really tries for anything different, when he has something different he has NO idea what to do with it, and I don't think he really wants it. But like that doesn't fit Batman sad baby adoption narrative soooo

I think at the end of the day what Tim is defined by is loss and absence, and it can never be defined by presence because Tim is no longer a person who can accept that. He is the single most interconnected character in the Batfam (DC was pushing for a lot of #teenheroes at the time and he was buddies with ALL of them), but all of those relationships have an absence where Tim is pathologically incapable of vulnerability. His life is comedically, comic book sad - he has lost a dad, a mom, a step-mom, an adoptive dad (400% PARENTAL MORTALITY RATE), a girlfriend, a best friend, and another best friend. That is NUTS. And cuz comics are kinda whatever about things, he just goes on his way. Comics don't acknowledge these things. But what you end up with is a Tim, who one way or another is always alone, and who always accepts that.

I couldn't quite express everything I wanted to express with Tim in the prophetic spring, but by the Cass story I had improved as a writer enough to show what I wanted to show. Tim is an old character with a lot of stuff going on, so I could basically pick any emotional throughline I wanted, but I picked for me what I think has defined his life. Tim's story was about a child who had been depressed since he could remember. Tim is the story of a lot of victims of emotional neglect and who live their lives in deep depression that is never acknowledged. He is never vulnerable for a second (even with Cass - and that's what Cass struggles with during that story, how vulnerability isn't knowing but saying), and the depression is sublimated/repressed and never acknowledged cuz Bruce does the same damn thing and he didn't notice lol.

In a way, in that story, Tim's mental health and drug addiction spiral is a good thing. Tim loudly and publicly developing a drug addiction was his way of asking for help, his way of finally screaming that he was in pain. Worst possible way. But it was kind of the only way he could, because Tim didn't know how to ask for help, because he didn't know how to be vulnerable. He could only figure out how to be push everybody away and try to violently throw them out of his life and how to be cruel to them, and it's fucked up that it was his way of asking for help - but Cass knew, and Cass understood. And Cass wasn't going to ignore it anymore.

There are a lot of insanely reliable things about me and it is that I CANNOT shut up when I talk about Tim. Thanks for reading this long-ass diatribe jakldfjlasdf.

[seagreenstardust]

The way Izuku never would have asked for or required an apology from Katsuki vs the way hearing Katsuki apologize for mistreating him is what allowed Izuku to give in and rest

[godsfavoritescientist]

Basking in the Light of his Muse

[hotasfahrenheit]

i've been meaning to post something about this since the first episode last week but shout out to wardrobe on Last Twilight for one of the best fake ear plugs i've seen in a show! it's hard to get the fake ones to give the right impression in the lobe since they're a front piece and a back piece that sit on top of the skin to simulate the jewelry that goes through the stretched hole but they've managed it well enough that i've been staring at various gifs and screenshots all week trying to decide if i thought they actually stretched Jimmy's lobe for this or not 🤣

but yeah they've put the pieces of this together tight enough to give a subtle little indent in the skin around the front, which simulates the way that a stretched hole is shaped as opposed to a regular piercing hole which tends to leave the lobe relatively flat, with any jewelry in it not impacting the surface of the skin much if at all.

besides photos of him taken since filming where he has nothing in his ear, the main tell that it IS fake is the fact that the shape of the lobe is still matching his other ear. being at the gauge he would need for a piece of jewelry that size would be probably either a 0 or 00 (8mm-9mm) and it would cause the edge of his lobe to change shape slightly, which it hasn't.

i know this is a weird detail to pay attention to but as a person with stretched lobes it caught my eye and it's nice to see someone get it right for once!

[sergeantsporks]

Rereading books that I read when I was younger and realizing which ones were incredibly formative. Very embarrassing (positive)

[matchandelure]

binge read all of kaiju no 8 a couple days ago :::) and im all caught up w the anime now too i am hooked holy

[spottedenchants]

'he would never say that'? what if i examine the reasons why that may be and craft scenarios in which it is feasible for him to say exactly that

[giantkillerjack]

I HAVE BEEN LEARNING ABOUT MISTER AUGUSTUS OCTAVIAN/OCTAVIUS GAIUS CAESAR SINCE 8TH GRADE. HOW AM I STILL LEARNING MORE THINGS ABOUT HIM THAT MAKE ME GO "octavius babe holy shit what the fuck what the FUCK dude"

[bells-of-black-sunday]

Also more rambling but-

I think why I like writing the pirate au for Tar so much is just it lets me write him in ways I don't usually get to and I've rambled to Egg plenty about it, but being able to write about his complicated relationship to touch and especially authority is interesting. There's also how he has to unlearn what's allowed him to survive for so long aka how he approaches genuine connections with people and not just being what the other person wants so he can get what he wants. It's neat, I don't know.

[dayurno]

every time i learn more about how you view jeremy i am like. YES!!! we have very similar views about him….. he deserves to be a little bit of a freak

RIGHT i think well of course jeremy is nothing at this point in time like he's not even lines he's just a blank slate so i understand if people disagree with me but for me i just have a lot of fun imagining him being a very deranged kind of person. he doesn't need any major trauma to be like this he just is. do you know what i mean? it's not even like oh i'm Dark and Mean i really just mean that he's weird and he's very good at hiding it but it doesn't mean that he's not weird. i like imagining him being like and here's my trojans personality, here's my classmates personality, here's my dating personality, here's my talking to older people personality, here's my Talking To My Parents personality, etc....... he's those kind of people that have a plan a and b and c and d and e and further down the line if you're ever interested. just very clearly unwell about it all. someone's type A crazy mom for sure

and in a way i think any kind of deviance from the norm would be very um healing? for him. i'm thinking of that line from disco elysium where one of the characters say that beauty is a kind of mediocrity, i think jeremy would be like that! i think he'd be very aware of the roles he plays and the structures he operates under, so even something like sexual sadism (HRFGKJDHFGJDFG...!) could be a way to destress and let go of the ever-watching voyeur that tells him he should be like this or like that. the pursuit not of beauty or of acceptance but the blissful middle term where one can be immoral and nasty and vain and not have their entire personhood built around those flaws

[myrfing]

and (pointing at nothing) gourd isn’t really HEALTHY about his execution of his purpose either in that he is kind of insane about it. like he completely lacks a sense of self-preservation until after post-shb. he fully considers the possibility he will get blown up and die one million times and inflict terrible violence and just accepts that as almost a matter of fact. i think from a surface level outside view he can very much be taken as someone with an almost unnatural religious fanaticism but at the same time he’s like. not. he doesn’t actually ascribe to a divinity or a belief that he specifically will be rewarded or saved. he doesn’t do it out of need for approval or self hatred or insecurity or to prove his loyalty. he just believes that if he dies something stronger will grow in his place because that’s what he sees in the world all the time. if he believes in a heaven or hell it’s not somewhere else but right here.

his weirdness about it if anything comes from a sense of detachment-but-not-alienation that he found in the wake of the spires dying. the human part is is that this is him making sense of their choice to fight and die even though it hurt him. he WAS for a long time lost and empty in the wake of that decision and this is how he found purpose…it’s just that just because it came from troubled waters doesn’t mean it’s untrue or just a cheap justification. he feels like his place in the world is a given just because he was born, because that’s what he thought of his loved ones. he loves the world and his own existence within it but he loves the world just as much without so he sees no point in being defensive about his life. it’s very much like. a cucumber is a cucumber and it’s still a cucumber if you ate it. this is making even more sense as I keep going on

[nerosdayinanime]

I know I wasn't the person that originally asked about Giyuucore songs but that post caught my interest because you mentioned a lot of songs and some of my favorites👀

I'd really like to hear your thoughts on Gilded Lily! I've seen it taken in a couple different contexts online but idk anyone that listens to it. After Dark is another banger but I never considered thinking of it as Giyuucore. the same thing with Little Dark Age talk about blorbo, think about blorbo :)

also I listened to The Mute and The Missing Road for the tag you left on my one drabble and 😭 i see it so clearly with how so socially awkward little blorbo is

usually i think of my music taste as mainstream but not like. Popular mainstream yk? usually at least, since i started only really using spotify it kinda just Sticks with popular... (i just think the music i listen to its pretty all over the place) anyway-

Gilded Lily got me from the chorus haven't i given enough? giyuu gives his all yet still all the shit that happens to him and the people he loves... with him in mind the lyric reads as more a polite way of asking higher powers 'havent you taken enough from me?' yk?

always the fool with the slowest heart hes always behind his peers and misunderstood, negative feedback loop of hiding further in himself and straying further behind

but i know youll take me with you when he loves he gives a piece of himself, so when they're lost they take a piece of him with them i know ill take you with me the haori he so dearly cares for

we'll live in spaces between walls how ghosts are respected as existing in a third place, the border between life and death- how giyuu does something similar, as close as a ghost you can get without death- hes treats himself the same as the ghosts that haunt him

last lyric for gilded lily is manga spoliers and iirc youre an anime-only, so ill keep that one under wraps lmao

-------

After Dark is all dreams and broken memories, the echo-y voice and faraway sound of the piano all tinged with melancholy (probably shoulda put it with the sabigiyuu playlist lmao)

i see you, you see me - how pleasant, this feeling - the moment you hold me - i missed you, im sorry - ive given what I have - i showed you I'm growing - the ashes fall slowly - as your voice consoles me only alive in his dreams, the reprieve of being in sabito's arms hurts from its fleeting nature. his chance at trying to right his wrongs of being too weak, a demon's dying ashes as proof, sabito's voice (a faded memory of, distorted with unfamiliarity) telling him he doesnt need to prove himself of anything

as the hours pass - i will let you know - that i need to ask - before I'm alone - how it feels to rest - on your patient lips  - to eternal bliss - im so glad to know the false feeling of lips against his, only as good as a dream gets. (he knows it isnt real, it doesnt feel real, its heaven nonetheless) a kiss that never happened, never will happen, hes just happy to have known him at all (even if the memories are so painful)

we're swaying to drum beats - in motion, im feeling - my patience controlling - the question, i wont speak two hearts in sync as their sword swings, giyuu always holds his tounge until the perfect moment (a perfect moment doesnt exist)

we're telling the stories - our laughter, he knows me - we're leaving, we're talking - youre closer, it's calming reliving faded memories- happy times and the march to their shared grave. the impeding dread of Knowing simmers to an empty lull when their hands brush as they walk

the night will hold us close and the stars will guide us home - ive been waiting for this moment, we're finally alone - i turn to ask the question, so anxious, my thoughts a calm rest with another painful dream of a man that doesnt exist

your lips were soft like winter, in your passion, i was lost their lips meet, painfully cold and oh so dead against his, only for a moment. he opens his eyes to the crystal clear memory of the determined fire behind rounded eyes before he turned. white haori disappearing to the forest, vision blurred, red trailed down his face, what was he supposed to do now?

-------

Little Dark Age is super gloomy and sorta like. corrupted church vibes. idk how to explain that. the tone of voice singing keeping the note flat (except in the chorus) the background music echoing itself it just overall reminds me of devilman crybaby's corrupted demonic vibe. Smells Blood(kensuke ushio). dvmcb has a more Taken And Run By Evil/Satan kinda vibe whereas little dark age is more God Left Us

the lyrics are a narration, his own thoughts and feelings he never speaks aloud but says if you listen close enough.

the ruins of the day, painted with a scar dont need to explain that one

and, the more i straighten out, the less it wants to try the amount of willpower it takes him to just keep going

oh-oh, forgiving who you are, for what you stand to gain - just know that if you hide, it doesnt go away/i grieve in stereo, the stereo sounds strange - you know that if it hides, it doesn't go away self-narration, how much he still hurts despite hardening his heart against it all

when you get out of bed, dont end up stranded - horrified. with each stone. on the stage - my little dark age stranded in the stagelight, stone upon stone tied to him always weighing him down

specifically ties with the other lyric- come find us heading for the bridge, bring a stone, all the rage, my little dark age he thinks he deserves it, peoples hatred and anger at his failure, he ties the stones himself

if I get out of bed, you'll see me standing all alone, horrified, on the stage, my little dark age all of this song ties specifically to this one imagery i have of sabito and giyuu and hashira overall- theyre the ones that bare the light that destroys demons. with their strength they cast shadows for other slayers and innocent people to hide behind, still safely in the light but not being burned by it as they are.

Giyuu and Sabito were supposed to bare that light together, strengthened by eachother casting shadows where the other's weakest and baring the burn with eachother side by side, they were supposed to cast a shadow large enough to shield everyone they cared for, to not lose everyone they love again.

this line was the start of it all- waking up alone on the stage being wholly burned by the light with no respite. the blinding light instead signaling his little dark age

also yeah!!! the self-isolating, lonely theme of those songs is literally just Him. it speaks for itself so clearly i dont even know how i could explain it to someone who knows giyuu but doesnt understand how The Mute & The Missing Road relate to him. its just. Its Him man. you gotta believe me. if you only listen with your ears, i cant get in - and a heart always holds, onto missing roads MAN CMON ITS RIGHT THERE-

[asakamasanobu]

can nakamura please bring back ritsu’s father issues …….. please i’m asking for a friend

[age-of-moonknight]

“Session,” Moon Knight (Vol. 9/2021), #10.

Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit

[caterpillarinacave]

just got thought of a song with lyrics that could go well for Orm and Arthur if I could edit it would be all over for y’all

[lumsel]

chinese room 2

So there’s this guy, right? He sits in a room by himself, with a computer and a keyboard full of Chinese characters. He doesn’t know Chinese, though, in fact he doesn’t even realise that Chinese is a language. He just thinks it’s a bunch of odd symbols. Anyway, the computer prints out a paragraph of Chinese, and he thinks, whoa, cool shapes. And then a message is displayed on the computer monitor: which character comes next?

This guy has no idea how the hell he’s meant to know that, so he just presses a random character on the keyboard. And then the computer goes BZZZT, wrong! The correct character was THIS one, and it flashes a character on the screen. And the guy thinks, augh, dammit! I hope I get it right next time. And sure enough, computer prints out another paragraph of Chinese, and then it asks the guy, what comes next?

He guesses again, and he gets it wrong again, and he goes augh again, and this carries on for a while. But eventually, he presses the button and it goes DING! You got it right this time! And he is so happy, you have no idea. This is the best day of his life. He is going to do everything in his power to make that machine go DING again. So he starts paying attention. He looks at the paragraph of Chinese printed out by the machine, and cross-compares it against all the other paragraphs he’s gotten. And, recall, this guy doesn’t even know that this is a language, it’s just a sequence of weird symbols to him. But it’s a sequence that forms patterns. He notices that if a particular symbol is displayed, then the next symbol is more likely to be this one. He notices some symbols are more common in general. Bit by bit, he starts to draw statistical inferences about the symbols, he analyses the printouts every way he can, he writes extensive notes to himself on how to recognise the patterns.

Over time, his guesses begin to get more and more accurate. He hears those lovely DING sounds that indicate his prediction was correct more and more often, and he manages to use that to condition his instincts better and better, picking up on cues consciously and subconsciously to get better and better at pressing the right button on the keyboard. Eventually, his accuracy is like 70% or something -- pretty damn good for a guy who doesn’t even know Chinese is a language.

* * *

One day, something odd happens.

He gets a printout, the machine asks what character comes next, and he presses a button on the keyboard and-- silence. No sound at all. Instead, the machine prints out the exact same sequence again, but with one small change. The character he input on the keyboard has been added to the end of the sequence.

Which character comes next?

This weirds the guy out, but he thinks, well. This is clearly a test of my prediction abilities. So I’m not going to treat this printout any differently to any other printout made by the machine -- shit, I’ll pretend that last printout I got? Never even happened. I’m just going to keep acting like this is a normal day on the job, and I’m going to predict the next symbol in this sequence as if it was one of the thousands of printouts I’ve seen before. And that’s what he does! He presses what symbol comes next, and then another printout comes out with that symbol added to the end, and then he presses what he thinks will be the next symbol in that sequence. And then, eventually, he thinks, “hm. I don’t think there’s any symbol after this one. I think this is the end of the sequence.” And so he presses the “END” button on his keyboard, and sits back, satisfied.

Unbeknownst to him, the sequence of characters he input wasn’t just some meaningless string of symbols. See, the printouts he was getting, they were all always grammatically correct Chinese. And that first printout he’d gotten that day in particular? It was a question: “How do I open a door.” The string of characters he had just input, what he had determined to be the most likely string of symbols to come next, formed a comprehensible response that read, “You turn the handle and push”.

* * *

One day you decide to visit this guy’s office. You’ve heard he’s learning Chinese, and for whatever reason you decide to test his progress. So you ask him, “Hey, which character means dog?”

He looks at you like you’ve got two heads. You may as well have asked him which of his shoes means “dog”, or which of the hairs on the back of his arm. There’s no connection in his mind at all between language and his little symbol prediction game, indeed, he thinks of it as an advanced form of mathematics rather than anything to do with linguistics. He hadn’t even conceived of the idea that what he was doing could be considered a kind of communication any more than algebra is. He says to you, “Buddy, they’re just funny symbols. No need to get all philosophical about it.”

Suddenly, another printout comes out of the machine. He stares at it, puzzles over it, but you can tell he doesn’t know what it says. You do, though. You’re fluent in the language. You can see that it says the words, “Do you actually speak Chinese, or are you just a guy in a room doing statistics and shit?”

The guy leans over to you, and says confidently, “I know it looks like a jumble of completely random characters. But it’s actually a very sophisticated mathematical sequence,” and then he presses a button on the keyboard. And another, and another, and another, and slowly but surely he composes a sequence of characters that, unbeknownst to him, reads “Yes, I know Chinese fluently! If I didn’t I would not be able to speak with you.”

That is how ChatGPT works.