#and i cant stress this enough people are getting MARRIED at this time . crazy stuff

[kimmkitsuragi]

just learned 2 of my classmates are getting married (to clarify,,, not with each other, with different people lmao) and it's crazy like whattttt do you meannnnn we just graduated . yesterday

[javierpenaspinkshirt]

Dear Diary

Javi x Diarist - One Shot

Warnings: brief mention of some NSFW activities, mentions of tight jeans, some Carrillo thirst because I’m only human.

Words: 2.7k.

Summary: writing in her diary, the Diarist documents her first few weeks at her new job and her first encounters of Javi.

Day one - Monday

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day of my new job! Mom said I should keep a diary so I can look back when I’ve been in the job awhile and see how much I’ve progressed. To be honest with you, Diary, I feel a bit daft writing in you… but hey ho! Maybe you’ll be fun to look back on?

Anyway! Today was the first day of my new life in Bogotá! I’m a secretary for the DEA at the American Embassy in the city – the building is a bit posh! The university isn’t too far away so I can easily get to my evening classes (studying History with Spanish) and even though I’m classed as a ‘mature’ student (mature! HAH!) I’m hoping I’ll make friends both at class and at work… maybe someone with a car so they can drive me, teehee!

It’s a group of five girls working as secretaries for the DEA. We have a good age range and I sit sort of in the middle of the group age-wise I think. They’re all really lovely, there’s two other Americans and two Colombians so a cool culture mix. Hopefully they all like me!

I didn’t do much work today, just shadowing the others and walking round to meet everyone. The agents all seem to keep to themselves. There’s two Americans down the hall from my desk – I didn’t catch their names (whoops) but apparently they’re the two I’ll spend the most time working with. I should introduce myself properly tomorrow.

I’m looking forward to my first Tuesday on the job!

Day two - Tuesday

Dear Diary,

Today was day two. It was good, there’s a lot of information to learn and it’s especially difficult to flick between English and Spanish in my brain… But I guess I’m new to all this and I’ll get the hang of it! One of the other secretaries – Erica – has promised to speak to me mostly in Spanish so I can get into the habit of speaking like a local, I thought that was sweet of her!

But that wasn’t the most interesting thing to happen today, Diary, oh no no! Today I met Javier and Steve. They’re the two Americans I’ll be working for mostly. Steve is nice, barely speaks any Spanish which I can tell frustrates him and Javier, but just like me he’ll get there! I think I might end up his interpreter… but he seems kind and he is really into the job! He’s got a wife and they haven’t lived in Bogotá all that long either so we have that in common! Well… the being new here… not the wife bit(!)

And then there’s Javier, who all the other secretaries call Javi… so I guess I will too. I can tell he’s going to be trouble. He came up to my desk after lunch just to tell me that he liked my blouse and that the color suited me! I have to admit he is very handsome… But he strikes me as the ‘would ruin your life for a shag’ type? That might be harsh and he does seem nice. The others all say he’s lovely and is a man you can depend on but he is a dreadful flirt!

I wish I’d had something smart to say back to him as he stood in front of my desk telling me he liked my blouse but honestly, Diary, I think I just whimpered?? I was so taken aback by it! If there’s a next time I’ll have to be smarter!

Day 3 - Wednesday

Dear Diary,

This morning Javi bought me a coffee and brought it to my desk. He actually apologised for trying to flirt with me yesterday! He was very sweet actually. He said he wanted to make sure we got off on the right foot so wanted to apologise if he made me uncomfortable! I told him he didn’t I was just surprised he would even notice me! He was very sweet and said something like ‘I’d have to be blind not to notice you’… wait was he flirting with me again??

Diary, I am going to have to get better at this!

Day 4 - Thursday

Dear Diary,

I think we have a situation. I think I might have a teeny little crush on Javi. I mean, I am certainly not the only one! All the girls seem to melt slightly when he talks to them… Except Coleen actually… somehow she’s immune to his charms… Maybe she’ll teach me?

I caught myself actually waiting for him to come over to me today because I was looking forward to chatting to him. He always seems to make time to chat to us all and sees us as actual people… a lot more than most of the other staff.

He does wear some insanely tight jeans though. It's like it's 1985 and he thinks he's Axl Rose! But Javi does look good in them... like really good… Oh dear… I think I fancy a government agent. Who have I become??

Day 5 - Friday

Dear Diary,

That was my first week! Done and dusted! I think it was good! Everyone has been so kind and supportive and Erica has even invited me out for drinks tomorrow night with some of her friends! I cant wait!

School is going well too, I had my first classes this week and I think I’m going to be okay! The subject material isn’t going to be easy, but we like a challenge don’t we, Diary?

Now back to the important stuff – Javi’s outfit of the day. I was sat at my desk making some phone calls when Javi walks passed in a pair of those damn jeans and a red shirt. He caught my eye as he walked passed and gave me a smile and – I shit you not – my brain kicked in to gear and I said:

‘Nice shirt, the colour suits you’ and I was so cool and casual with a little smirk on my face, Diary I have never played anything so cool in my life. I got a chuckle from him and a wink and I swear down I would have taken my panties off right then and there.

Diary, my mom can never read you.

Day 6 - Saturday

Dear Diary,

It’s pretty late as a write this but that’s because I’ve been out with Erica and her friends! A couple of the other girls from work joined us as well so it was a lot of fun! We just went to a bar and had a few drinks and a giggle.

Erica did tell me she noticed me “making eyes” at Javi in the week though and I must’ve turned as red as the strawberry daiquiri I was drinking because she laughed at me. She told me he is, to quote her, ‘a bit of a slut’ and that most of the girls in the city know him in the biblical sense... I don’t think that put me off? I mean it’s the 80’s, do we still shame people for having sex? And to be fair, here I am making heart eyes at a man I’ve known for a matter of days. So no, Diary, I don’t judge him for that.

But I also don’t think I’m going to pursue him? I’m certainly not looking for a boyfriend. Although as I write this down I kind of figure he’s not after a commitment either? I mean I don’t know him that well but what kind of man shamelessly flirts with the new secretary on her first day if he isn’t looking for some fun? Maybe that’s what I’m looking for?

Diary, no more daiquiris for me!

Day 7 – Sunday

Dear Diary,

I went shopping today. Not the boring food type of shopping, clothes shopping! It was a lot of fun actually! I got to explore the city a bit and although it has a reputation (and my mom would kill me if she knew) I actually felt fine walking around on my own! I was in the busy shopping streets mind and it was daylight, but I really think this city could feel like home!

I bought a couple of pairs of jeans because mine are old and raggedy and I got some new shirts and tops for work, but the buy of the day – a pencil skirt that makes my butt look like I’ve done a 100 squats a day since the day I was born. I mean, not to blow my own horn, but I look GOOD in it!

I’m going to wear it to work one day… And yes Diary, I know I might be playing with fire, but a little fun never hurt anyone?

Day 8 - Monday

Dear Diary,

I wore the skirt.

Oh my! The girls all gave me compliments on my ass and legs (which lets be honest is better than any compliment from any man!) so that was great!

I’ll be honest though, by the end of the day I wanted to rip it off myself… I had severely underestimated how difficult sitting in a pencil skirt for 8 hours would be. Lesson learned!

I did see Javi though. He didn’t say anything but I was stood up as he walked passed and his eyes were stuck on me for so long Steve had to practically drag him up the stairs. Diary, I was very pleased with myself!

Day 9 - Tuesday

Dear Diary,

I don’t know what it is about the American Embassy but somehow the building attracts the most beautiful men.

Today, Diary, I met Colonel Horacio Carrillo and believe me I have never seen such a MAN! He must be 90% shoulder and 10% snark because Diary he is built like a wall and has a mouth sharp enough to even shut up Javier Peña! Not that I was listening in, I was collecting some papers in their office as the Colonel was talking to Javi and Steve.

Steve introduced me to the Colonel and he shook my hand (Diary, his hand was the SIZE OF MY HEAD)… he was wearing a wedding ring though. I’m no home wrecker… but my god is he beautiful!

I did catch Javi’s eye before I left their office though and I’m sure I’m not making it up when I say there was a flash of jealousy. I thought I was being crazy and arrogant to think that but no, I’m sure! The Colonel was very polite to me, very courteous, and were he not a married man I would have wished I was wearing my new skirt again. Diary, I can not stress enough the thickness of this man’s arms.

Anyway, despite definitely having the hots for the Colonel, I think I’d still rather go out with Javi. If we put the whole Carrillo-is-married thing aside, I just think Javi is more my kind of guy? Up for a laugh, not too serious, likes a drink and likes a smoke... very pretty!

I think we’d have a lot of fun if we went out. I’m beginning to wonder if he thinks the same?

Day 10 - Wednesday

Dear Diary,

Today the five of us girls went out for lunch. It was great! They showed me their favourite café, great for people watching but far enough from the embassy that we weren’t just looking at officials in suits! Great food too, I really do love this city!

I was sat with Coleen at lunch and she told me Javi had caught her after I’d left work for class and asked her about me. Apparently he asked if I was single!! Coleen told him she didn’t know because she didn’t want to drop me in it if I wasn’t interested in him (bless you, Coleen!) but I definitely am interested! Diary, when she told me he’d asked about me my heart raced! Like I’m some kind of school girl!

I really do like him and I’d like to get to know him better. But I think I’ll give it some more time maybe?

Day 11 - Thursday

Dear Diary,

I spent the whole day look at Javier Peña and his black fucking shirt. Oh my god, Diary! I am in too deep. He walked passed my desk while I was on the phone today and I stopped listening completely so I could concentrate on his butt.

It is becoming a problem.

So I have resolved to do something about it. I have decided that I’m going to ask him out for a drink tomorrow night after work. Fingers crossed for me!

Day 12 - Friday

Dear Diary,

Well… it’s sort of actually Saturday… I didn’t have time to write in you yesterday, Diary because… well because I didn’t come home last night (!)

Let me explain the events of last night:

When I got to work yesterday morning Javi was sat at my desk. He was wearing that damn leather jacket that, for no reason at all other than its his, I find incredibly sexy and was waiting for me. He said good morning to me then got up to let me sit down.

He watched me as I took stuff out of my bag and settled in before, seemingly out of nowhere, he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink with him after work!

Diary, I was so uncool. I was like one of those nodding dogs people have in their car or on their desk.

He laughed and said he’d come by my desk to get me when we were done. I spent the entire day obsessing about whether it was a date or just a friendly drink? Erica was sure it was a date, so sure in fact she made me borrow her red lipstick and made me promise to wear it.

I did wear it. And was I glad I did!

He complimented me on it when he came by my desk to get me. As we left the building he put his arm out for me and we linked arms and walked down the street and Diary it was the easiest, loveliest conversation I’ve ever had! He made me feel so at ease straight away, it was sort of like I’d known him for ages?

We actually ended up at the same bar I’d been to the weekend before… so I was back on the daiquiris!

We talked for ages, right up until closing but it was still like there was so much more to say! When we eventually got turfed out of the bar we ended up walking the streets, arm in arm again, laughing and chatting. Diary, it was lovely!

Turns out he only lives a few blocks away from my place but his is closer to the bar. We stopped at his door and he invited me up. I’ll be honest, I hesitated… but I was wearing his leather jacket (he’d let me wear it for the walk home) and he’d been such a gentleman, well I couldn’t resist the smile on his face!

So I ended up sat on his sofa as he told me about work and fixed me a whiskey… I don’t know what possessed me but when he came over to give me my glass I stood up and kissed him!

Diary, you know me, I’ve never been particularly forward! I blame those daiquiris… but oh no, it didn’t end at a kiss.

Before I knew it we were pulling each other's clothes off (I didn't even mind that he ripped one of my new tops)! I don't know if it's because he's well practised or he's just one of those guys that knows what he's doing... but lord did he know what he was doing!

Before I knew it he had me on my back on his sofa, screaming his name and Diary… well what can I say… I’ve had to write this all down quickly because I’ve just come home to shower and get a change of clothes before he comes to pick me up. That’s right, we’re going out again tonight!!

Diary, don’t wait up!

[radioactive-synth]

💘 for vaughn/nick/hancock, and as a bonus: how did they all come together? were two of them already dating and then the third joined in, or did they all just kind of meld together at the same time? what sorta dynamic did they have with each other before it became romantic?

short version, they kind of melded together at same time. they are basically best friends to lovers trope, but to be clear, Vaughn is romantically and sexually involved with both of them, but Nick and Hancock arent in between each other, their relationship is platonic and familial. there is no jealousy in between them and neither fight for Vaughn’s attention, and they didnt even before they all 3 became family.

long version:

when Vaughn got out the vault, he was scared and hopeless but still he had revenge on his mind. Nick seen that and understood his need for revenge, so he stick with him until they found Kellogg (3 weeks after the vault). his first impression about Hancock after he killed Finn was that he was afraid of him, but he seen that Nick is totally fine with him, so he trusted Hancock enough to accept his offer to rest at the State House until Amari figured it out with the chip from Kellogg. they didnt seen each other for a few months, but Hancock kept hearing about Vaughn and his MM army. after that, they went in the Glowing Sea, but not before Preston asked Vaughn for help, but he refused, which Nick didnt liked that, but still stayed with Vaughn. after saving his life from 2 radscorpions that damaged his power armor, Vaughn asked how he can thank him properly, and Nick told him that for start, he could help out others, so Vaughn finally accepted his role as General. 3 more weeks, Nick helped him and watched him how he started to talk with the settlers around the area, then he retreated to focus on his own work. their dynamic in that time was that they bonded fast and they could talk about lot of things and talk even about the old world. Vaughn was fascinated to hear about Nick’s previous cases, and Nick liked how Vaughn talked about his past life.

 a few weeks later, Vaughn got hurt badly in a solo mission and Nick was called to help him out, as he didnt seen to accept help from anyone else. Vaughn was relieved to see Nick again and missed him. one night, Vaughn had nightmares and Nick calmed him down, then Vaughn asked him if he can stay with him for the night. Nick was a bit surprised at first, but he was kinda used to other people clinging to him for support, but also he couldnt refuse Vaughn’s crying eyes, so that was first night when they cuddled up. after that, it kinda became a habit to just cuddle at night, cause it felt nice. tho, one other night, when Vaughn took too many painkillers, was too high and kissed Nick on his lips. he only realised that next morning, but neither him or Nick mentioned it, but Nick couldnt stop thinking about the feel of the other’s lips onto his own. they continued to sleep together at night.

as for Hancock. a few months later after he got the leadership of MM and got the Castle back, Vaughn took Dogmeat and stopped in Goodneighbor to buy parts for the radio, when Bobbi No Nose offered him a job: help him break in an old bunker and get whatever he wants (i know the canon says DC but i cant see him accept that ever lmao). only when they got to Fahrenheit, Vaughn realised he was tricked and sided with Fah, as he still feared Hancock. Bobbi left, and Fahrenheit thanked him for that, but still took him to Hancock and apologize for the damages. but Hancock was totally chill, and very surprised that the General of MM would break into his strongroom. after they talked, Vaughn suggested to him to join in his MM missions, which the other gladly accepted, only to get out of the town. they also bonded fast cause of their common values, the humor (even that Vaughn drives Hancock crazy with his puns) and the easy way to talk just about anything. Hancock was so impressed on how kind Vaughn is to other people, and Vaughn likes how adventurous and spontaneous is Hancock. Vaughn offered him a newly renovated house in Sanctuary (which a few weeks later he shared with MacCready). even in that time, Nick stayed in Vaughn’s house when he wasnt busy with his work, and Hancock thought they were in relationship. with time, Hancock started to spend mornings at Vaughn’s house, even with Nick there. at some point, Vaughn started to be touchy with Hancock too, like casual arm over the shoulder or arranging the coat, stuff like that. or even Vaughn asking Hancock if he could look at his hands (’im a doctor, trust me’) as an excuse to feel the texture of his skin. its total different from Nick’s, but still feels fascinated by it. not long it takes that one evening spend together just two of them (as Nick was out for a case) it transforms in a passional night (it was Vaughn who wanted it first, he didnt got any action in 210 yrs lmao). at first, Hancock didnt wanted to take Nick’s place in bed, but Vaughn said its ok. even Nick was totally fine by it. they usually sleep with Vaughn in the middle. at some other point, Vaughn started to have passional nights even with Nick.

even that all in Sanctuary thought of them that they were together, Vaughn didnt really realised that. weeks or months later, the stress was getting higher as he got in the Institute, and couldnt handle his emotions anymore. he started to drink more and neglect himself, which made the other 2 worried, so they took care of him and keep him focused on the MM, even that BOS and the RR were pulling at him too.

when the Institute was gone, Vaughn fell in depression and needed a few days to just sleep, with breaks for eating and bathroom. Nick and Hancock took care of the synth kid, and both adored him even first time. after Vaughn finally decided to get out of the room, he seen Oliver onto Nick’s lap, while he and Hancock were reinterpreting a story from a book, while Dogmeat and Hera were on the floor, listening to them, and Codsworth was also joining in the story. Vaughn felt immense happiness seeing them all together.

 a few days later, Oliver asked his dad if he can call the other two ‘dads’ or to call them different, and Vaughn only realised that he should talk with them two about their relationship. he feared at first that the other 2 will leave for their jobs, but Nick and Hancock werent going anywhere. they thought that they were already a family. Vaughn finally confessed his feelings about them, and wishes to be romantically involved with them. they accepted. and 2 yrs later, they married. also Oliver calls Nick ‘pops’ and Hancock ‘papa’. he doesnt consider he had a mother and has a father, but that he has 3 dads.

currently, Nick and Hancock ocassionally leaves home for their own jobs, but all 3 cooperate so at least one of them is at home with Oliver, and not longer than 2 weeks. even way before they got in relationship, Nick and Hancock provide advices and support for Vaughn’s MM missions. even that Preston is second in command, Ronnie Shaw is third in command and Danse is 4th in command, Vaughn would still first listen to his lovers, and even leave them decide for him if he needs a break due of his bad mental days. Danse isnt happy for this, as he considers that the other two should have a rank (they dont have like the others), Hancock’s only response is that ‘we fuck with the General, is that enough power over him for you, rusted tin can??’. Preston doesnt have anything to comment, as he learned to trust their judgements.

[cherrysunflowers]

nsfw for kiss the canvas babes 👀👀

ok i am SO READY FOR THIS 

kiss the canvas babies

• who kissed who first?  

n&m: okay sO I feel like nicky PLANNED on kissing mo first??? but every time he tried during their first date, something would come up and the mood would just DIE and he'd get so frustrated abt it??? but lbr mo would’ve honestly just been like ‘fUCK IT’ and kissed him im cackling

j&m: i think jesse did?? bc it was during the power outage when margo was over rmr, and they were surrounded by candles and :’(( 

• who made the first move?

n&m: why,,, do i get the feeling mo did,,,, bc lets face it even tho nicky wants to fuCK he would most definitely wait until mo gives him a sign that she's down?? like yea they'd joke abt fucking and stuff like that, but he would most definitely not do anything crazy until she shows signs that she wants it, and even then, he would’ve asked for consent bc he is a Good Boy

j&m: okay so since jess is also a Good Boy, I feel like he would’ve also waited for margo to make the first move. and I feel like after lots of reassurance and affirmations, she would've finally gotten enough confidence to make the first move?? it wouldve definitely been a little thing tho, like maybe setting a hand on his chest, or nibbling his bottom lip or smth as they made out. just small things.

• what’s the relationship like?

n&m: ridiculously adventurous. spontaneous. not much is planned between the two of them. I feel like they wouldn't even plan dates, nick would just pick mo up at her apartment, and they just see where it goes. but they can also be rlly lazy and domestic?? like, when mo’s slammed with work, and nick is busy at the warehouse, they have date night at home and do takeout and a movie while wearing pyjamas y’know??

j&m: soft, really domestic and sweet. since jess’ got danny, it kind of already feels like they're married, really. since margo takes care of danny like she's his mother, and they already kind of have the whole family dynamic. so I feel the relationship consists of small acts of affection, like knowing smiles, and gentle touches, stuff like that. and since they aren't able to go out as much, their date nights mostly consist of home cooked meals, watching netflix and falling asleep on the couch at 11pm.

• who’s the most possessive?

n&m: nicky. definitely. he knows that girls like mo never ever give guys like him a chance. he doesn’t fuck around when it comes to guys flirting with her or trying to make moves. she’s the most special thing he’s ever had in his life, and hes absolutely terrified of her leaving him, even if it doesn't show.

j&m: I feel like its jess. since he knows everything about margo’s past, he’s dead set on protecting her. and that shows whenever he sees someone trying to talk to her in a way he knows isn’t all that innocent, or something like that. and all he'd even have to do is shoot them a look and thats it. 

• what is their favourite way to kiss?

n&m: ok lbr when they kiss, they fucking mAKE OUT. like fuckin’ all tongue or nothing, nicky does Not Fuck Around okay he thinks pecking is for pussies

j&m: softly. I feel like they wouldn't feel the need for all that passion and craze. margo would love leaving little kisses all over jess, whether its his shoulder, or back, or cheek, or lips. anywhere she can reach to show him her affection.

• who tops during sex?

n&m: I wanna say it’s pretty even? like before mo, he'd definitely be used to topping but when he and mo are together, I feel like both of them are good with whatever, and its pretty even on that front. just whoever wants to top goes for it lMAO

j&m: we’ve def talked about this and I think your answer to that was that jess always tops bc hes a dominant lil shIT !! but I feel like every RARE moment, margo would playfully roll them over and try to top, bc she just wants to tease him and :’)

• thoughts on sex toys?

n&m: nick would joke about using ropes n handcuffs n shit but I feel like mo would b the one to be like ‘listen buddy I hope ur fuckin serious and if not imma be pisSED’ 

j&m: the thought of sex toys would fLUSTER THE H E L L OUTTA MARGO??? like even though she ain’t a virgin, she's still !! such a lil prude !! and whenever the conversation comes up, she’d just get all flustered and would blush up a storm and !!!!

• most sensitive areas?

n&m: for nick, I wanna say its his neck and the spot right behind his ear, or where his jaw connects to his neck???

j&m: for margo, it would most definitely be her hair. if jess tugs her hair even the slightest bit, bITCH IS ON HEFJNK but also she would most definitely have a thing for him biting her lower lip while kissing :))

• do they shower/bathe together? if so, how far does anything go?

n&m: lets be real, they've fucked in the shower and the bath, these kids are like bunnies ok I stg. but there are times where its just soft and tender, and all they wanna do is be cute and wash the other’s hair yknow??

j&m: I feel they’d def shower and bathe together, and maybe yeah they'd fuck in the shower, but I cant see them having sex in the bathtub?? like I feel like margo only ever rlly takes baths when she's stressed or sad, so whenever jess joins her, its to cheer her up yknow??? iDK LMK WHAT U THINK OF THAT

• how do they like their sex?

n&m: I honestly feel like sex for them is a reflection of who they are as people. super passionate, exciting, full of love and affection for the other person. like, nicky would do nothing but try to please mo, and I feel like that would be the same thing the other way around. 

j&m: margo is lowkey plain as fuck when it comes to sex, just bc she's so nervous about trying new things?? jess probably has to suggest that they try new stuff bc she would’ve been brainwashed by v*nce that sex isn’t fun and that its a way for the guy to take out his frustrations and ://

• how rough can sex get before its taken too far?

n&m: okay honestly, nicky would be really careful when it comes to getting rough, bc even though hes been fighting for this whole life, he still doesn't know his own strength, and he would keep himself on a tight leash when it comes to that. like, when he feels himself getting out of hand with spanking, or just plain gripping her, he would have to pull back and take a breather, bc the last thing he would EVER wanna do is hurt her. but back in his fighting days, he wouldn't have cared, nor realized how rough he was bc baby boy was always on drugs. :// thats why hes so careful with mo, I feel like.

j&m: once again, this is a doozy bc like I said before, margo is pretty nervous when it comes to sex already, so I feel like she wouldn’t be able to handle too much rough stuff before getting triggered and having a panic attack. she’d be able to handle ur average groping and light spanking and would like having her hair pulled, but anything more rough than that, and she would freak out.

• favourite sex position

n&m: when mo is on top :)

j&m: margo tryna playfully get in control n topping but then jess rolling them over to show her who's boss :)

• if they could have a threesome, who would their third choice be?

n&m: jeSsE, obviously !1! lmAO im kidding. but I honestly don't know if nicky would wanna have a threesome?? like, to him, sex would be such an intimate thing, and he wouldn't wanna share that ( or mo ) with anyone else. hes definitely had threesomes in the past during his addict days tho oop-

j&m: def don't think margo or jess would’ve ever thought of having a third person join them? like nick, margo def believes that sex is a super intimate thing between two people ( unless they're poly, homegirl is an lgbt+ ally don't get it tWISTED ), and she wouldn’t wanna share jess with anyone else.

___ 

LET ME KNOW IF THIS WAS GOOD OR SHITTY IDK WHAT THE HELL IM DOING AAAA

[tripiispooks]

In any rpg's type game I play I always try to make this one character.

This one character that is:

Probably belongs in Devil Wears Prada

Can't hear you over my designer [usually weapons]

Will walk into a place and say it smells like bitch in here

Her resting face usually says it for her

Yes, her, it's always a she

Dares people to vibe check her

'Like go ahead, do it, I dare you,'

Has a mean laugh

I mean it could be someone told her a terrible joke or pun and she laughs and its sounds so mean like she just watched someone trip or something, but it's just a joke a friend told her

Will vibe check higher ups/people "more powerful" than her

Rich and a bitch, but not spoiled

Her family got rich, and she, through hard work, and values it

Cant stress enough how rich she is

Like she should be a snob and such, but she will spoil her friends rotten

Her friends are her family and she would do anything for them

Debt? What debt??? Its been paid hun

Too expensive? 100k??? that's lunch money

But anyone else...not her problem

Is a weird combination of the mom friend and the rich wine aunt

She's ride or die for her makeshift family

But she is professional above all else

All I can think of is the line that the sniper says from TF2, 'professionals have standards'

And Thomas E. Ricks' quote 'Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet'

Think CEO woman with heels that can kill just as much as her words

Judgy side eye

Will look at her companions discretely like they're the camera in the Office

Will come unhinged when it come to dogs

Itty bitty baby pupper needs to be protected at all costs, even if said cost is her reputation because she needs to pet the dog and/or save its life, can she adopt it? Shes going to sure try

That dog will be living the life of luxury

Two games where I have one:

In SWTOR (which I have been on a huge kick):

Always a sith warrior

Because its irony (my si is a chaotic bastard that will throw down at a moment's notice, gives my sw a headache)

And perfect fit for destroying Baras in front of the dark council

Always a pure blood

That is tol and slightly beefy and only wears all black

This one has really bad respiratory issues where she has to wear a half mask at all times, sure she could get a surgery done, but...aesthetic...

Because Malavai quinn deserves to have a boss that actually benefits the empire

That isn't crazy

That isn't some power hungry sith

Sure shes power hungry, but shes a professional above all else

Should she be and Imperial???

If she didn't have the force she would have already been a general or super high rank

Or even a chiss imp

I think Thrawn would like working with her

Best friends with vette

Married to Quinn

Knew Baras would force him to betray her and was already 2 steps ahead and won Quinn over and had the whole betrayal turned a set up for Baras

Vette annoying Quinn? Oh, that's just her spying and snooping for the SW

What do you mean you found a listening device? Didn't you know SW bugged her own ship after she got rid off all the listening devices and trackers that Baras rigged

Would vibe check the emperor if given the chance if she feels the need to

Has an akk dog, yes its name is Vengeance and yes its nickname is smooshy

Skyrim:

Head of the thieves guild

And dark brotherhood

And archmage

Owns everyhouse and the three homesteads

But prefers the severin manor

Always imperial with dark hair and brown eyes

No qualms with stealing right in front of people

Or killing

'Take me to jail? Haha, here's the bounty money' drops a bag of coins and leaves laughing

Shes the dragonborn that took out Alduin, miraak, harkon, literally every person that posed a problem, not threat, just problem

Who's gonna check her? Akatosh?? She'd check him

Was a vampire but found it tedious and got cured

Hates the thalmor and kills them at every opportunity

Laughs at the Stormcloaks because Ulfric is a thalmor agent, has proof, and thinks its laughable that they want to take on the aldmeri on their own

Best friends with Serana and they talk trash on everyone

Two rich bitches

Was ready to check both Serana's parents

If she could adopt Serana she would

Also besties with Teldryn

He says she the sanest of his clients but that's a fat load of lies, it's more to convince him, also she pays way more

married Ghorbash the Ironhand (seriously in love with him because she took him on as a follower and they have the same love of travelling and the stuff he said made her swoon)

They adopted Hroar and the girl from windelhm

Herr family primarily stays at the homestead south of whiterun with the lake near by, she likes it because of Riverwood and the lake, plus whiterun the most stable hold to live near despite the homestead being part of a different hold

Send help to Tamriel when her, Serana, and Teldryn are in the same room

The amount of shade flying at everyone is lethal

Ghorbash loves to watch, though gets caught off guard by some comments

Meeko protection squad, her kids adopted him so he's safe and loved

Might draw stuff about these two ladies

[sharkytrash7]

My last say. Hopefully not my final essay.

So I've been watching YouTube videos of how to get over ex's and how to deal with break ups. In my heart, I know we belong together. I know the fact that I'm not Christian is a problem. My arguement is that you never fell in love with an atheist. You fell in love with me. Its tough when you refer to me as atheist because I'm so much more then that. You of all people know that. I love you with all my heart. I want to marry you still. I'm not of being alone or being without you. I'm scared of what I am without you. To be honest you were and still are my guardian angel in my eyes. You've changed my life and I hate to see you leave. You keep emphasizing that we might not be together but I still have hope we'll be together. After all, you have my rib. I know things are hard for you at the moment with God. Its tough for me 2. I go to afda and put on a smile pretending I'm fine. You want to be with a Christian. I get that. But no Christian will be as good as I am to you. Even tough I'm not a Christian, I can try to be the best person in the world for you. I dont love for your looks or your voice or cause you give me affection or cause you buy me stuff or cause you did things to me. Its all those things and more. I love you cause youre you. I would never change anything about you. Even your cute toes. Once upon a time I promised you I'd convert for you. I want to make this clear ! I am not trying to manipulate you in any way shape or or form ! Im just venting to tumblr. I'd keep my promise. It wouldnt be for you or for me but for us. Cause your right woman ! Its just better if we're both Christian. I know your gonna be thinking, "hmmmm, hes probably just saying this so I get back with him. He just wants me back. What an ass" and it does look like that. Thats why. Huh. Idk actually. I guess it is kinda fucked up to say this. Kinda shity cause then it would make your life 10 times harder. Okay so ignore that bit. Im not deleting it because effort AND because I said it / typed it with meaning and for a reason.

I get why we dont talk because if your parents find out they'll lose their minds and also because I'm pulling you away from your God things. But like when will I be able to date you. Ya know. Like even if I was Christian, your parents would still hate me. And if your parents forgave me. I wouldnt be Christian. So i get your side of life. Cause thats tough cookie. I wish our love could be enough because it is lowkey for us. Its a rough one. I wanna tell you so many things but i dont wanna jinx your future. I just find it crazy that you think your going to marry someone else. People have been saying its just because your my first girlfriend but I dont believe em. I felt a connection with you. Something I dont see happening with anyone else. You keep telling not to wait for you but its what I feel is right. Just like how you said it feels right to break up. I dont think this will last forever. We'll I wont be able to last much longer but. I feel like we've got this. We've been through a lot together and I'm positive about us. When I said us not being together would be a watse I didnt mean a waste of time or money or anything. I just meant it would be crazy for us to go through everything we did just to let (a big deal) get in the way. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU MY BOO !

Lowkey in the back of my head thinking this

I know I said these things but I cant hold you to anything. You could be over me and my shit and want another relationship. I have to deal with that. If you want some buff white english indie guy to come love you then that the way it'll be.

Deep down I want it to be though. Like I want to be your knight. Your dark knight _wink wink_. I know eternal life is a big thing for you and I'd like to be there with you to. I dont really know if I'll be accepted up in heaven. Even if i am a Christian. Im hard on myself like that. Id rather let more deserving people go to heaven. Idk why I put myself. Its just me. I just see potential in others. More so than in myself. I see my purpose on earth as a chance to help others. You know. Plus im sure when (i cant remember the name of it) the blue lights come down and take people to heaven. Im sure I'll meet you up there. Your just so scared of messing up like one thing and I get it I was like that 2. Id make sure everything was planned out. Truth is. I hd to stop being scared in order to move forward. Like after my car accident. I was terrified to drive again. I couldnt deal with driving. But i had to get over it. And I know you blame yourself and God for what happened. Please dont. Everything happens for a reason. I feel like that stuff taught me a lesson about being calm and calming myself down. It definitely wasnt God punishing you for being with me. Again not trying manipulate you or preach to you or try to change your thoughts. Its just my opinion. All I'm hoping you do is consider what I'm saying. I really truley am sorry about everything but at the same time. Everything that happened has happened and its made us who we are. If given the chance I'd do it again.

Also lowkey I'd love to celebrate 2 years with you. #nopressure. Like seriously I'm being serious but at the same time dont stress you cute little head about it. If it doesnt happen it doesnt happen.

My eating habits have gotten worse. Idk. Im lowkey scared im dying. I want to go to the doctor but its expensive and I've been such a burden on my parents. I'm pretty sure I can wait a couple years before getting it checked up.

My new glasses are cool. You have to see yhem in person. That another thing. I thought i wouldve seen you by now just driving or something. But i guess you only really drive to church and home. Or to someones house or like a party thing.

Happy 21st birthday baby. Wow. Your getting like so old. I still remember falling in love with the 19 year old you. Look how far we came. A whole 2 years. Youve grown so much since then. Firstly you don't bump into cars xD. Jk. You really have become such a grown up and I've been blessed being there with you. You became independent and youve become yourself. Its was a wild trip but to see you come out on top has been worth it. You deserve the world. And if anyone tries to hurt you / stop you, send em my way. Youre one of the most beautiful intelligent cutest amazingest bestest person in the whole world. Happy Birthday Boo.

The boo tattoo. We getting em together ? Also all your stuff is still here so if you do move out invite me over sometime so i can drop off these things. Lowkey your life is amazing and spontaneous and I have huge FOMO (fear of missing out). You don't to worry about me tho. I've been waiting to do things with you.

Moving out. Yeah. Its a big possibility next for me. I remember you originally said we can't live together which sucked but made sense. So. If you ever need a place to stay. Call me. I'll set up a guest bedroom for you.

I wasnt going to with your dad a happy birthday because you never with mine I dont think. But im not a monster like you. Jk lol. You probs just forgot.

Also it really sucks you cant speak 2 me. Your not an asshole. I just wish you could've helped me calm down.

Im sorry this was so long. I'm sure Ive forgotten things and said things I shouldnt have but tbh its been kinda theraputic for me. Like I feel a lot better having got thise things off my chest. You dont have to reply to anything yet. Cause I know your brains busy atm. If you can acknowledge that you seen it that would be nice. But ja. Please dont take anything Ive said personally or strongly. I just blurped things out and yes things do have meaning. But it takes two to tango. I desperately want to tango with you though.

Ps I love you

Pps Im sorry

Ppps take me back

Pppps jk. not jk

Yours truly

Triston Kyle Pillay (Penguin)

3:36 Vala is today. Shhhh

[onlyjihoons]

onlyjihoons’ first follow forever!

i’m so sorry this took so so long, it was meant to be done/posted on the first anniversary of this blog(25/12/17) but i didn’t have the time to do so:( if i left out anyone, feel free to let me know!

i’ll place this under the cut, so it doesn’t clog up posts:”)

personal mentions

@markleetrashh

cheryl! i can never forget or leave you out honestly, because you’re the first ever mutual i met on tumblr! i remember being uncertain about myself and you cheering me on to write my first fic:”) you have been there for me, be it in the very beginnings of mochamark, to now that we are going to our seperate post-secondary instituitions, you are really really one of my bestest friends irl too. please never ever be scared to just talk to me whenever especially since most of the time i approach you to scream over clinic boy and jihoon if you need someone to talk to! i love you very very so so much, i hope we can last forever till we are old and still scream over markipoo💜 and thank you for teaching me the birds and bees at 12am

@jjeehoon

jennifer! we didn’t really meet through tumblr honestly, i approached you first on wattpad because you opened a graphic shop, and we just hit it off when we talked when you still hardcore stanned jihoon but now you still scream over dorm jihoon with brown parted hair and i like that we can talk about everything under the sun and still joke sm. i love you so so much, even if we’re 18 hours away from each other i constantly want to fly to toronto just to give you a hug:”) here’s to more of me roasting you and our friendship heh

@alliwannado-w1

iris! you’re one of the first people to approach me to make friends, and till now i can never forget that. it’s really crazy how you actually came over to stay at my house for 4 days, i had so much fun with you and xuan it was the best days of 2017. it is a really big pity that you have to leave tumblr like that, i would miss you and your 3am posts on tumblr:( i vividly remember the last night where we just talked about everything and i nearly cried:(( you’re really an older sister i never had, and you filled that void for me even if it was just for 4 days. i’ll try to arrange a trip to KL when i can so i can visit you and your durian farm and your family! i love you and good luck with college💕

@hwangminn

rissa! i don’t know where to start honestly, you’re really mature for your age and i’m so thankful for you, making the constant effort to placate my clingy/whiny ass out of your busy schedule to talk to me. also being my #1 counsellor, and supporter, i really want to visit alberta to hug you, and thank you for everything. even with tricky timezones, you always manage to chat up with me, and also snek with me hahah i hope you don’t stress yourself too much with school, stay healthy and happy! i love you💚💚

@whatabrightplace/ @tinaneggo

tina! i can never thank you enough for being there for me whenever you can, and being honest with me about everything. i really love how youre just so swaggy with everything even when youre busy. you have also helped me through some rough parts of my mental state, and im so so grateful for that. as much as you tell me i’m good, you also excel in many parts i don’t and i’m proud of you for that. please don’t overstress yourself and stay happy! i love you💙💙

@pwjins/ @seo-yeons

allison! you’re someone i can learn sm from, applying for scholarships and juggling everything as a whole. even tho we don’t talk very often, we do go a lil crazy when we do haha, relating to many problems as 01 liners, and talking about anything and everything. i really want to fly over to wherever you are to give you a big hug, and just spend a day out together or something. i hope you achieve whatever you dreamed of and i love you🧡

@cannedapricot

apricot! i’m so thankful for you, when you confessed that you read my works since mochamark days i was really shocked. you never fail to hype me up, and support me through everything. we always have wild conversations it just cracks me up whenever i think of it haha. congrats on getting the classes you wanted, i’m so happy for you, and you worked hard. nEver doubt yourself!! i’ll always support you and i love you please cut down on the swearing too

@hwinkinghwi

xuan! im so thankful for you being there for me for everything, and we just complain about anything and everything its so funny omg. we both have similar traits and we always support each other throughout im really grateful;-; youre also there for me when im really hyper and stuff, im glad you havent actually blocked me asdfghjkl i love you and dont over-stress yourself for school!

@xiupch

shuri! we only started talking like this year and i dont regret it;-; you’ve been always making me laugh, with the venn diagram of winkzee vs jeongzee i cant breathe while thinking of it hahahaah i hope you stay healthy and happy and i love you<3

@wannawrite

L! i really enjoy talking to you as we do know the same people from your school and you’re the younger sister who always has my back! im so thankful for you even tho we don’t talk very often due to school and other commitments, i hope you do well in school! 姐姐爱你多多ok!!

Nic! i know we don’t really talk but thank you for sending me the letter! i was really touched that you sent me a letter and im sorry i have nothing to send in return;-; i hope you do well in secondary school and don’t be like me, a dumb ass who only does late minute studying:”)

@hyunjinh

jas wifey,, till this day i have no idea how i married sucha beatiful being i cry tears of jealousy every time i see your pics ugh. truly, a power couple jasxhyunjin jeongin and i are shaking:”) even tho you always have a bad habit of ghosting on me and sending me 1 second snaps, i still love you nonetheless and i hope we can talk more!! be it roasting/snakeing or screaming over hyunjin i’ll always be here to talk and i hope you can get your biopsych major!! i’ll be your exclusive reporter ok💘

@deepdickdaniel

ariane! youre one of the best moms i have on tumblr, telling and teaching me everything a true mother would:”) even though we don’t talk often, the things we talk about when we do are truly hilarious and im thankful for that. i hope we can talk more often, even if i’m your 1 in 30 children you have❣

@ongnable

jas! even if we haven’t talked often, i always see you on my dash and you’re just really adorable! constantly supporting me, im so thankful for you and i always melt when you talk to me. i hope you do well in college!

@pinksausageduo

dain! i remember reading all of your fics and lowkey fangirling when you followed me back aaaa thank you for creating everyong, and also making the effort to make everyone feel included! you always manage to get me out of my writers’ block, and i feel bad that i havent really helped you with your writers’ blocks:( thank you for also supporting me in everything, it means so much to me. i love you and stay healthy and happy!

@porkjeojang

sum! whenever i see you on my dash my day just lights up because your reblogs always cheers me up whenever. we havent been talking lately, i hope everything is going well! i hope you do well in college and everything you do<3

@aesjae

mia! i really look up to you being able to do well in everything you do, and also being able to put up with my childish jokes:”) please don’t ever doubt/underestimate yourself, you’re awesome honestly when will i ever be as good as you;-; your love for jae is just so pure i want to hug you, i love you and stay healthy and happy!

@7aiguanlin

xue! we barely even talk but i really love your works and its always something i read before falling asleep. i hope we can talk more and i hope you do well in everything you do!

@stormae

mae! i really adore you and cherish the times we actually talk, even if its short. your works never make me bored, and youre a really nice person to talk to! i hope we can talk more as well, please stay healthy and happy!

@day6euphoria

sarah, i can never ever leave you out for this. thank you for being there for me through everything, and my lowest during o’s when i started to freak out really badly. we have so many inside jokes, and i feel like a bitch whenever we roast people hahah. please dont ever doubt yourself, if you need someone to talk to im always here. thank you for your constant reassurance, and i hope you can do well💛

@taehobbie

isti! its really crazy how we really get along with each other uwu everytime i see you i want to burst into big fat ugly tears!!! even though we’re both busy i hope we can meet more often and eventually go for bangtan’s concert tgt yeet i love u sm nasti pls stay healthy and happy<33333

@chaeyolks

jupiter! im so glad we met uwu i really enjoy your company and i really cherish the times we spend together! thank you for being there for me when i needed you and no amount of words can express how grateful i am for you. i love you!!!

everyong:

  @pinksausageduo @w1talks @daehwifi @jsioos @dong-hyucks@deepdickdaniel  @woojiniee @longquos@fromwannaone @whatabrightplace @hwangminn@starrywinters @mongniel @ycungmin @ennergetics @wanna-17 @danieverie @xiupch @hwinkinghwi 

i would like to thank each and everyone of you for constantly making my day with your conversations and being a big supportive family! i love you guys aaa

blogs in bold are blogs i really like, blogs in both bold and itallics are mutuals i hold dearly to!

@jihoonation @wannamoon @xiupch @callmeguks @emperorhwangs @sihyunarchive @jsmmn2002 @ongnable @caisxukun @livingthejeojanglife @cannedapricot @samoyeddaniel @day6euphoria @7aiguanlin @woojiniee @starrywinters @yooneroos @taehobbie @fatenumberfor @wannabl @fluffykth @donghyxns @whatabrightplace @baejinsgirl @mongniel @bbyhyucks @porkjeojang @jihoonslattee @hwinkinghwi @hwangminn @daehwifi @w1talks @dong-hyucks @deepdickdaniel @ennergetics @idaehwi @cheonjaem @wannawrite @bambyeol @wannatales @seung-mins @wannabeone @longquos @danieverie @alliwannado-w1 @pinksausageduo @chaeyolks @fromwannaone @honeytaeyong @aesjae @jjeehoon @thirsty-for-jae @neotechs @nimearv @andreawxng @winwiniswinning @imagineproduce101 @gugulin @seong-wu @wanna1-texts @thenctcults @hey-uta @textingnct @teeyongs @183cmjaemin @hunbomb @babyjungwoo @1aechan @jecngin @chipsandwaffles @koreankollection @sammymunchiecheerios @stormae @suhsexual @gwikimchi @choco-seventeen @squishteen @seventeen-scenarios-blog @warmau @puppetwritings @strayboys @jeongout-sk

if i left anyone out, im so sorry! just drop me a dm and i’ll add your name right away.

it has been a year with me as a writer on tumblr, i would also like to thank my lovely followers and anons! im happy that you guys would actually spend time to read my cringe fics;-; thank you guys so much. 

[sassysweetstories]

Second Chances

Request: “Im kinda crazy for chris argent of TW pls kindly do a fic about him where his highschool sweetheart is back in town n to teach in allison school. She was heartbroken by chris who choose allison mother over her before. But chris has his reason. Now that shes back, they cant deny that they still have feeling for each other. Make it angst pls. Thanks.” 

Ship: Chris Argent x Fem!Reader 

Warning: angst, swearing, fluff, minor kissing, yelling, mentions of cheating, fighting, etc. 

Notes: none of these gifs are mine, credit to owners. 

Your P.O.V

[A few years ago..]

How could he? I thought to myself as I glare daggers at the back of my now ex-boyfriends head. So much for high school sweethearts.. He wraps his arm around Victoria, smiling as they dance across the floor, swaying to the music above us. They look like polar opposites. It was like watching the angel and the devil tango. Nobody liked it. And even though we broke up a few weeks ago, it still stings. We were the perfect couple after-all. I guess we weren’t perfect enough. Glancing back at my date, I force a smile despite the pain emulating within my heart. When he spins me around, I feel Chris’s eyes burning into the side of my face. Maybe he regrets his choice? I sure hope so.

[Now]

Glancing up at the sign, I sigh to myself. Mixed emotions plague my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to finally have the opportunity to teach. It had been something I’d always wanted to do, ever since I was a kid. But in all honesty, I was petrified. Sucking in a quick breath of fresh air, I head into my classroom and prepare for the day ahead. When the students start shuffling in, I start to feel more confident. That is until my gaze caught wind of a beautiful chocolate haired girl. She sat down in the middle of the classroom with a contagious smile. For some reason, she looked familiar.

Looking away, I ignore the weird feeling that begun to bubble inside my stomach. Glancing up at the list of names, I begun to call off- “Stiles Stilinski.” My eyes trailed to the hand raised. A boy who gave me a goofy grin. “Scott McCall.” The boy next to him waved his hand over to catch my attention, sporting a similar likable puppy dog smile. I can't help but return the respectable grin before continuing down the list until one name caught my eye.

Allison Argent

It can't be.. "Uh.. Allison Argent." The beautiful girl I saw earlier raised her hand and smiled. That’s why she looked familiar. She looks just like him. I stare at her for a second before asking, very much dreading the answer. “Do you happen to be related to Christopher Argent?” She nodded and smiled before saying, “Yeah, he’s my dad.” In that moment, my heart dropped and shattered into a million pieces. That bastard. She continued. “Why do you ask?” I have gotten fairly good at lying these past few years. Especially when it came to the protection of my own broken heart. 

So when I reply, my tone is calm and collective. “We went to high school together. Small world.” She nodded, genuinely intrigued by the topic. I finish calling off everyone’s names then proceed to educate the class on Hamlet, my favorite of Shakespeare’s many pieces. But I couldn’t for the life of me get the pang of pain out of my heart. Had he really moved on and stayed with Victoria and had a child? Pff, why do I even care? That was years ago. none of that should matter now. Except it does. At least in my heart it does. 

The next few weeks were not as easy as I thought they’d be. Every time I looked at the poor girl, I was reminded of the long tear filled nights I had spent crying over a boy who never really loved me. And instead of looking at her, I avoided all eye contact. It helped but I’d be lying if I said there still wasn’t this void within me. I file my work away and start to clean my classroom, which got surprisingly dirty quite quickly. Playing some soft turns from my old CD player, I almost hadn’t noticed a new body enter the room. “Hi, Allison. What can I do for you, hun?” 

She smiled at the nickname and entered. “My rides a little later and I was wondering if I could wait in here until he came? It’s pouring like crazy outside and it’s freezing in the halls.” I pull out the nearest chair and pat it, softly. “Of course, make yourself at home. I hope you don’t mind the music while I clean my room up. Ya know, you’d think I’d wrapped my head around the fact that kids are messy.” She giggles softly before staring off and out the window. I finish picking my room up and sit to grade some papers. The soft music and a small hum of rain that pattered from atop the roof was the only thing sound between us. 

I get up again to put a file away before a low, gruff voice spoke from behind. “(Y/n)?” As I turn over my shoulder to see whom the voice belonged to, my heart dropped. Standing before me was my high school sweetheart, Chris Argent. Shit, I should have guessed he would be picking her up. Idiot. He was a lot taller than I had expected him to be. Chris’s face was gruff and more bearded than ever. His body was built and toned like a god. Oh, for gods sake, I could practically see his pecks under his thin grey shirt. His brown eyes were still the same but they looked harder than ever. His hair slightly tinted with grey to mask his aging process. Probably due to stress. Chris looked good, too good. 

God, damn it! Why couldn’t he have turned out ugly?! “Chris.. Uh- long time no see.” I internally roll my eyes. What kind of response is that, you soggy poptart?! The way he’s looking at me makes me think he’s sizing me up just as I am doing right now with him. “(Y/n).. Is-Is that really you?” The way he asks the question shocks, not only me, but his daughter, too. It was the most innocently soft thing I’d ever heard. I could have sworn he was about to cry. “Yeah, it’s me. You look great, Christopher. You have a beard now. Impressive. I remember when you couldn’t even grow a mustache.” We both laugh but there’s an unspoken pain between us. When I look into his eyes, all I see is regret. Good. 

“And you. You cut your hair. You look..” He pauses for a second, trying to find the right word before saying, “..immaculate.” I can feel my cheeks flushing but above all else, it’s like someone ripped open a wound that’s just about to heal. No. I will not let him break me again. I clear my throat, beckoning towards Allison whom he hasn’t looked at since he first entered. “Uh.. Thank you. You two should get going. Don’t wanna get caught up in the storm.” Allison’s by the door, waiting and watching our interaction closely. “We should get coffee sometime. Catch up.” He says softly. And when I look up at him, I feel an immediate sense of regret. There’s so much hope in his big blue eyes. 

But I was not about to get my heart broken again. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I am Allison’s teacher, after-all. That would be highly inappropriate.” The second the words leave my mouth, a bitter taste starts to form in the back of my throat, like bile. His eyes look sad and regretful. I had never seen someone go from such a high spirit to a low one so quickly. He shook his head, heart still hopeful. “It’s just coffee-” I cut him off. “Good day, Mr. Argent.” When I say his name, it’s almost like a reminder of what positions we are in. He’s married and a father. I’m Allison’s high school teacher. But that was only the beginning. 

I don’t bother to watch his tragic state as he walks out with his daughter. I cannot get involved with Christopher again. I don’t think my heart could take it a second time. Seeing him was like opening a wound that had finally been shut. He still looked like himself, just more aged like a fine wine. I clutch my chest and sit down, feeling dizzy all of a sudden. But he’s always had that effect on me. 

Third P.O.V

“Why were you acting like that, Dad?! You were looking at her in a certain way. You’ve never looked at mom like that. Dad!” Allison cried, feeling conflicted and hurt and confused. Chris was hurting inside. Seeing his beloved for the first time in a so many years. She looked as beautiful as the day they first met. Finally he caved in, tired of keeping secrets. Especially from his beloved daughter. “Okay, okay. A long time ago, your mom, Mrs. (Y/L/N) and I attended high school together. We were what you kids today call “couple goals”. We were like Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde Ying and Yang. 

“We were a perfect pair. We had a love that kids only ever dreamed of. The kind of sappy stuff you see in movies. We were so in love and attached to the hip that people would be uncomfortable if one of us was without the other. We were absolutely inseparable. The power couple among power couples.” His voice died out, cracking towards the end. Allison’s heart ached for her father. He was the strongest man she knew. And to see him so torn up, to the point of tears, she knew he must’ve been hurting something fierce. She wanted to console but more importantly, understand what happened. 

“What happened between you two?” She took his hands to support him and only hoped he would press on. Mr. Argent cleared his throat and swallowed down the pain like a shot of whiskey. “I went to a party. (Y/n) and I had gotten into a small argument, one that I had blown up over. It was a stupid reason, too. So I told her I was going to a party. She warned me not to. To just be safe and be careful. That it was a bad idea but I didn’t listen. That’s when your mom got involved.

“We drank so much that night. The next morning I woke up in her bed. I ran to (Y/n) in hopes that she would understand that it was nothing. But she shut me out and I deserved it. I broke her heart. But then everything changed when Veronica- your mother- confessed to me that she was pregnant. Pregnant with you. I was beyond shocked but there was no doubt in my mind that I would not love you unconditionally. I would not abandon you or your mother when all I wanted was a child. I just had expected it to have happened with (Y/n). But over time, I grew to love and respect your mother. 

“But at the end of the day, you can’t forget your first love. No matter how hard you try. And god knows I loved that woman more than anything in the universe. But I broke her and I deserve to suffer, to hurt. I fucked up bad. And seeing her again made me want to fix everything with her again. I just want to mend the wounds I put there.” Allison listened intently, clenching her fists to hide her anger towards her father for being so reckless but was also feeling sad for him, too. He was her father, after-all. Her mother was long gone, but throughout their marriage, Allison could not tell how unusual it all seemed. They both loved Allison but neither really loved the other. 

And, without having too look up at him, she knew what he was thinking. Should I fight for her? Or have I done enough damage? For a split second, she thought no. Leave the poor woman alone. She’s been through enough. But then she thought of Scott. He loved and fought for her, cherished and held her close to his heart. And even when they broke up, he was still there for her. And for a second she wondered if that’s what her dad and teacher had had. “Go get her dad. Fix your mistakes.” That was all he needed to hear before he revved the engine as Allison hopped out of the car. 

Christopher hadn’t thought about what he’d say or what he’d do. All he knew was that he needed her, desperately. Pulling up to the school, he quickly got out of the car, not even bothering to throw on a jacket to mask himself from the pouring rain. He’s drenched from head to toe by the time he enters the school. Nearly slipping and falling on his ass, he runs to her room in hopes to catch her in time. Mr. Argent’s jaw drops to the floor when he sees her still standing there, looking as beautiful and radiant as ever. Before she could even speak, he waltz's up to her and places his lips atop hers. The kiss was passionate, heavy and warm. 

It was needy and desperate on both ends as she begun to kiss back, plunging helplessly into the darkness she would soon experience again. But then she registered what was happening and pushed him back. “No, no, no, no. I’m not going to do this again, Christopher. You’ve broken my heart once, I won’t let you do it again.” She’s crying now, trying to keep herself together as best she can but it seems useless. “(Y/n), let me explain-” She pushed him hard, pulling back before clutching her sides. “No! You cheated on me with Victoria! What did I do to deserve that-” Chris shook his head, practically yelling. “None of this was your fault! I got completely smashed!

“Yes, I did cheat on you. And being drunk isn’t an excuse. But it happened. A few days after it happened, Victoria told me that she was pregnant with Allison. And you know me, (Y/n). I would never leave someone like that. I wasn’t gonna let her fend for herself. I wanted a baby to call my own. I just- I wanted to have it with you.. And I can’t tell you I’m sorry enough.. God knows it won’t ever clean the wounds I put there. But I loved you so much.. I still do. I am not longer married. I’m actually widowed. Victoria- she- she died. She’s been gone for five years now.” (Y/n) can’t help but feel the need to apologize. The loss of someone is undeniably unbearable. 

“So you just- you impregnate Victoria and don’t tell me-” Chris shook his head, almost to the point of tears as he looked down at his beloved. “You wouldn’t let me. And you had every right! You hated me and I deserved it. I deserved to suffer and I still do but I will not leave here with bad blood. I love you. I always have and I always will. I’m not gonna let you go again. Not when I can actually do something about it. (Y/n), I am so sorry. For everything I did to you.” The two looked at one another, neither making a sound. That was until (Y/n) took two steps forward and smashed her lips onto his. She shouldn’t be doing this but she needed him as much as he needed her. “I love you, Chris Argent.” He grinned from ear to ear before muttering. “I love you too, (Y/n) (Y/L/N).” 

(I hope you liked it! I’m really sorry for the long wait. I’ve been very very busy!!) 

[indomies]

hiya bella 💜 oh good luck with your exams, I know you’re going to smash each and every one of them!! and I am good thanks for asking :) we do love some retail therapy, what’d you get if you don’t mind sharing?

I know it’s such a good time when we do 😊 like you said if only it was always like this sldjsk. how crazy is it that it’s been a year since this all started???? honestly time has no meaning lmao, the fact that we’re used to this new “normal” of lockdowns and social distancing blows my mind!

holy shit that’s cold hahaha, that’s exciting that it’s still snowing though. ah fair enough, I’d just be glued to the window staring at the snow fall 😍

ugh I freaking love the beach!!!! during my childhood, my family and I would just spend hours there each day during summer. what were your summer’s like growing up?

hm the weirdest food (which is not that weird tbh) would probably be when I ate snails in paris! idk it was just the most exotic food I had had, but it actually wasn’t that bad aldjksks, what about you?

OMG THAT’D BE AMAZING TO GET MARRIED THERE!!

hope you’re having a wonderful day, love you too!

your secret valentine 💖

hiya love!!! no one ever calls me bella but its cute, u can use it!! ahh glad that you’re good and thank you for the wishes!! im stressing out lmaoooooo. i brought some bras lollll i dont get why are they so expensive i hate.

i know!!! it’s almost march again!! MARCH i cant believe it. yesterday i went outside to buy food and forgot to wear my mask so i had to come back and pick it up djsa i love wearing mask during winter tho, it keeps ur face warm. omg one time i was grocery shopping there was a couple who dared to not wear mask and they said they’re exempted to not wear masks im?? in this economy?!

ohhh indonesia is always summer time JHDBSJAB its literally sunny season or rain season. i dont get to go to the beach often bc the beach in jakarta SUCKS good beaches are in different cities. but my family tried to spend school break taking a trip somewhere even for like 3-4 days. 

idk if it’s weird to you but ive eaten like internal organs of chicken, pig and cow DSBAJ u know chicken liver/intestine those stuffs yeah.. i guess asians do eat everything. one time in my office we were doing this international day where u can bring ur food from ur country and my colleague brought caterpillar lmao i ate that tasted ok but u just gotta get past that its a damn caterpillar. snails are good tho love me some snailssssss. oh some people would argue durian is weird and disgusting but it’s one of my fav fruits lol. 

have a wonderful day babe!! love you

[vaporwavegirl]

2017 has been the craziest most emotionally damaging and most exhausting and weirdest year of my life. But through all have that I've met some amazing people and learned so much and grown up so much as a person I'm really started to learn about who really am and I've opened up and really matured alot this year. Started college and really starting to save up money and buying my own car and turning 18 and being given so much more freedom becoming so much more open and with my mother and forming such a close unbreakable bond with the women who adopted me and saved my life really was I was a baby. SHe and my father (who recently divorced) gave up alot to adopt me and my brother and raise us the best they could. We're not perfect and we definitely are difficult and mean and make stupid decisions sometimes but our parents despite going through alot them selves and our family struggling with alot of deaths and being broke and not having jobs for awhile have still done what they could to give us a good life. My mom is still there for me and is trying her hardest to take care of me and this year has been shitty but it has transformed me into an entirely new and happier and better person honestly. I've become much more spiritual and I'm so much I more in touch with myself .I'v been through alot but I wouldn't have it any other way it has been for the best. I have met so many of the most amazing people this year some of which were only in my life for a short time unfortunately. But I hope to keep in touch with these people and grow and thrive with them and I'm so happy I'm entering 2018 with some of the most amazing talented creative beautiful people I have ever have the pleasure of knowing in this life. This year is going to be about becoming an adult and making my way out of my mom's house and being on my own and figuring my future and my life out. I plan on moving across the country to the Washington /Oregon Seattle or forks or Portland or something because that's where i really feel like I belong and will thrive the most. I currently live in Alabama and there is nothing for me here except all the friends I've made. But I really feel like I want a fresh start somewhere completely new and amazing and meet many more new Amazing beautiful and live my life to the fullest. After Tonight I'm quitting all of my partying and drugs atleast until I get financially stable enough and atleast am moved out of my mom's house or am living on my own somewhere and I can afford to party and live my life a little so that will probably be when move to Seattle and weed and stuff is legal and it's more acceptable to be who I am up there. I'm quitting smoking weed for atleast like 2-3 months after today. Only reason I am not longer is because I smoke marijuana to medicate myself for my depression and anxiety and shit as opposed to prescription stuff because the stuff doctors give me just make me feel numb and not myself and I'm still low-key depressed. I'm only taking a break from weed to start saving up money and really try to focus and finding a place to move out to when I graduate around may and saving up to do so. Don't judge me but while I'm taking my few months off from smoking and I'm going to be selling a bit of bud to my close friends to make some extra money on the side because weed isn't quite legal here yet and it's a little difficult for my friends to get sometimes and it's going to help me out as a student who finds it hard to find a part time job that doesn't pay minimum wage (7.25 fuK THAT) and gives me decent hours it's always not enough hours for decent pay or they work me to FUCKING dEATH for shit pay and it stresses me out. I quit my recent job about a week and ago I'm started 2018 fresh with a new job starting pay a little above minimum wage at 8.50 an hour and after a few weeks I'll get a raise. They say I'll hopefully get decent hours like 25-35 a week and it's a small Japanese/ Asian/ pop culture shop owned by a Chinese lady that coincidentally has the same name as me and there's only like 3 other people that work there and they are all really cool good friends of mine that's I've met through cosplaying the past few years. So starting with a new hopefully better job. Starting off sober with my mind focussed on graduating cosmetology school and saving up money and working hard and getting my life together. The last thing I'll probably really spend money on and do for myself this year is Kami con at the end of this month. My family has helped get me different parts of my lapis lazuli (gem from Steven universe) cosplay for me as Christmas gifts and it is tradition that if at all possible I will do everything I can to attend each year and I have for the past 5 years and this year I will have my first legitimate good cosplay and I'm excited. But after that every bit of my money is to school tuition, helping my mom with the phone bill and our car insurance and groceries when she needs it and saving the rest for moving out and starting my future. When I move to Seattle and hopefully become successful enough? at cosmetology that I open my own salon that I'm hoping my unique edgy choice in hairstyles with be accepted and eventually apprentice as a tattoo artist and open a piercing/tattoo/body shop open up like with my salon that like a super weird dream of mine I had for awhile and honestly I'm probably not going to be good enough but I'm going work my ass off and be sober and focus on my future so I can reach my fullest potential I have been put through too much and made it way too far to not try and live my life to the best of my ability and do everything I can to really be happy and stable and eventually fall in love and maybe have a kid and honestly I truly believe I'm going to marry this boy that I've been on and off with since freshman year of highschool. We both lost out Virginity to each other after dating for the first like 6 months and that was the first time we dated which was almost 11 months after we broke up and went a little crazy and just kinda started dating random people not really for love just because I was so scared of being alone and I hated idea of it. So I just fucked around alot and never really had anything as serious as my dude (I don't wanna say his name but if u know me and ur reading this u probably already know who I'm talking anyways. We were distant and not even on speaking terms for maybe two years. After i grew up a bit and started actually making goals and becoming a young adult I contacted him and asked if he wanted to meet up and catch up on our lives and try to give being friends a shot. Its been maybe a little over a year since I had reached out and started talking to him again. We've tried dating again and we have been on an off since then and we both are young adults trying to figure out our lives and we are both struggling alot as far mental health because of the stress of having to grow up kinda and it just kept fucking up out relationship and my emotions were so all over the place and I was really struggling with trying to figure out what I need in life and how to be happy without have to rely on a relationship or drugs or material things. I had to learn how to enjoy the actual important things in my life like all the beautiful amazing people I've had the pleasure of knowing in this life and how to cut toxic people and thinks and places out of my life if it's affecting my mental health and over learned that it's ok to be sensitive and to want to take care of yourself and have a good mental health. I've learned how to just live in the moment and to surround myself with positive vibes and only be around good honest genuine people that actually care about me and want me to succeed. I want the people in my life now to be people that I know forever and people that are going to be there for me in future. Anyways Over those two years me and the boy didn't talk i never got over him matter how hard a tried and thought I was and that i could potentially be falling love with some one. I just cant. I am in love with him and always will be no matter what. If i still feel so happy and deeply in love with him after.he broke my heart and didn't talk to be for 2 years I know this man is meant to be apart my life forever weather it is as my lover or as one of my closest friends. We are soul mates and I know that I will absolutely love him completely and unconditonally for the rest of my life. Those two years when I wasn't with him kept failing my classes in high school freshman and sophomore and was extremely suicidal and didn't give and fuck about school and even went to the mental hospital for awhile towards the end of my sophomore year and at that point i literally thought I was so stupid and worthless and not even worth the effort of living and being such and disappointment to my family and my friends because I could pass one class in high school and I had given up. Until my counselor transferred me to a kind of alternative school that I could do everything at my own pace and only do the essentials and stuff I absolutely need to learn instead of busy work and stupid shit like public school. This place had no semesters or exams or grades. It has 4 different very well educated and super cool and awesome genuine teachers that actually care about helping you get the best education and they really do care about their students and they are so passionate about helping these kids actually learn and have an opportunity to have a future. Theres one teacher for each subject and 5 councilors that the 70-80 kids are divided between them and it was such an amazing really healing place and i met some really amazing people that year and learned alot about myself and started doing art therapy and I got my work done and realized I wasnt actually stupid like I had been so sure I was but I'm actually very intelligent I just have manic depression and severe social anxiety and I just needed to start working on myself and start making the effort to keep myself happy and actually work on my life and be the person I want to be. After that year during summer I made the decision not to go back to public school for what would have been my senior year so as soon as I was 17 I dropped out of high school and got my GED and I started cosmetology school at 17 years old before my graduating class even finished there senior year. My GED teacher was also a councilor and i became very close to her and she's honestly helped me make a future for myself and she supported me and saw how smart I was and she would help me no matter what and still to this day if in need to talk or need help with something i can call her and she will 100% help me because she is such a good and selfless and kind woman that genuinely cares about me and my future. It's rare that you meet teachers that actually help their kids . I honestly made the decision to do whats best for me and my mental health and i got my career and life started as early as I could because I'm determined to live my life to the best before I'm too old or die super young I'm some crazy way because honestly life is so short and way too short not to do everything u can to just really be the best you can be and enjoy life and do what makes u fuckin happy. So starting this year I am being sober so I can graduate school and work and save money and start my life as a young independent adult. My teenage years have been so wild and I've been through so much but it's I wouldn't trade these last few years. I've met so many kind beautiful amazing souls and I've learned so much about life and other people and relationships and I've learned about happiness within myself and I've learned alot about who I am and what it really want in life. I've learned alot about my mental illnesses and how to cope with them the best way possible for myself. I've had some of the best and most amazing adventures and i made so many amazing memories so despite the bullshit I've been through in my teenage years and all the stress of becoming a young adult in this super fucked up world we live in today I know that I have made it this far and I become stronger and better everyday and I'm thriving and finally getting where I want to be. I'm becoming more content with who I am and I'm learning to love myself and be who I am and I'm so happy with the person I becoming and I know I'm going to continue growing and thriving and becoming a beautiful and amazing person living the best life I can. This started out as a new years resolution post but im on alot of stuff right now and I felt like I needed to just write about stuff. Anyways. Happy new years yall here's to a fresh start and then beginning of my life as I figure out how to be my own person. 2018 is going to be so fucking good

[kiutbangtan-blog]

BTS Reaction: S/O being a underground rapper

Sorry im not very active (;_;) and also im sorry i use ← emoticons.. i cant use emojis bc some of you cant see them. And if you think they are cringy than tell me and ill stop ^ - ^,, also admin momo hasnt posed anything but i promise shes not dead. Shes just lazy and hasnt finished writing the Mafia!Twice but its cumming ;) -admin kiko☆♡

SEOKJIN

Jin would mock you here and there. Like the bts fiesta thing where he did ‘First Love’ But he would be happy to have you as his S/O. He would always take care of you. He didn't want you to come home late from the studio, if you haven't come home after a certain time, he will pick you up himself. Jin would make you breakfast in the morning when he knew you would be busy at the studio. When you came home exhausted he would prepare a hot bath. Just help you out to make sure you didn't stress too much. Sometimes he would be really romantic and then say something like

“Was that worthy enough for you to write about? Or do i have to be more romantic?” 

YOONGI

Yoongi would love to have you. You and him would be able to understand each other so well in music and in life. Like he would get stuck on something at the studio and he would ask you for help. He would trust you to work with him. And you guys would help each other with music. Yoongi would love to make a collaborations with you all the time. He would go to your events as much as he could. He would just support you and admire your work a lot. Maybe if you both have a busy schedule that might interfere with you guys, but you guys work through it.

NAMJOON

Like Yoongi, things would be similar. Joon would go to you for help, and support. He always wants to make a new collab. When you guys are in the making of a song or something, sometimes a lot of times thing get heated and you can only imagine. You guys go out to eat a lot really late at night. Sometimes you guys fall asleep at the studio, weather its yours or his. 

HOSEOK

Hobi will want your approval in a lot. You help him and he helps you. You would most likely be in his hixtape. If you want to write a diss track, he's there to produce and write, Just as long if it’s not of him. It’s very similar with the whole rap line. Obviously goes to all your events. Rap battles, but it’s about who didn’t do the laundry and stuff like that. Takes you out to eat very late. At first its like just for a break and planned to continue at the studio. But both of you were falling asleep during dinner so he would take you home and oversleep.

JIMIN

I can’t really think much of Jimin and his rapper S/O. He wants you to write about him. Also sneaks into your shows. Loves to go to your studio and just chill. It doesn't matter if your not paying attention. He thinks that his beautiful vocals with your voice make a great combination. Jimin likes to hurry you up so you can go home with him and cuddle. He doesnt want to hurt you so that you don't write a diss track. He doesn't want you to stress so that you stil have time for him. When you come home tires, he makes sure to teat you well, think of that in whatever way you would like.

TAEHYUNG

Tae would always go to your events. All of them. He will be dressed up in all Gucci. Before you go on stage, he makes sure you look expensive af. Will be recording you, then recoding himself rapping along with you. He likes to tell everyone you and him are dating. He just feels so badass to be dating you. Tae would like for you to tell everyone that you’re dating him. He Is superior to all those other rapper because he has you and you have him. And they want you but you only have eyes for him. He also want you to write about all the crazy things you and him did last night. 

JUNGKOOK

Shows you off to all his friends. He likes to brag about you. Jungkook shows up at your events and takes you to dinner to celebrate. Might take your crew to dinner. But the check ends up being too big so you have to help him out. Boy wants you to teach him all you know about rapping. He thinks he is good enough to rap in one of your songs. You turn into more of a lovey dovey rapper when it comes to rapping about him. You don’t want to sing to much about the things you guys do ;) because people might get triggered , and say you guys are too young. But totally sees you marrying him. Making you happy is his goal. He respect you and your work a lot.

[the-reactionist]

begging

for some reason [US's crazy fear-based policy to not trust easter European states with their internet privacy stuff] i can't write emails so i am posting personal stuff here; sorry MESSAGE: i have to post more often here as writing about issues helps me resolve them and understand them deeply; i never find the time ad strength/energy to; i need to make it my priority, though, because i can; i have the power too, so i’m obliged to do so;the pain whe delving in the wounds by teal swan’s methods, is too large to handle, though; she mst have bee treated real horribly to have that incapacity to relax within herself; because healig hppens with time; nd time ca heal anything; yet she is so restless in her death-cult-leader-scapegoat programming, that she has no time to deal with her issues and overcome them fully from within, to embrace her trauma and demonstarte to us her teachings emodied - what it looks liek to have overcomeyour trauma, physically; nd that is what we need; because ppl like myself, we follow, by example; so teal, your followers who have pened up not merely their minds but their hearts to your presence, need you to heal your inner child and go to other levels of expressing the truths you are embodying, because you don’t have time, ad we don’t have time, physically, to wait our entire lives; i have seen a decline in your activity and i saw a short fb video two or three years ago inw hich you explained you need to work more closely to the people so you are changing your course of teaching/actions; but i think that being i the flashlights IS what you have the power to be doing; beign amidst all the controversy;and i think that you still have lingering uresolved childhood torture and unimaginable abuse trauma; but i eed you to overcome it; i’m dying,i can’t hndle my issues and i need you because you are strg, you have before, and you can; PLEASE, be there for me, and please, teach me; i love you and i trust you, and moreover i do believe in you; please teach me in your ways btu the things i need for my expansion and development, which i feel is not simply mie but is the communnity’s; you are capable of leading us to the next levels; which is owning pour realities and being masters to the extent we all individually can; please do that for me/and others whi are erady for your hardcore strength ~thank you i feel like ale, a lot - when he pursued you, teal, and you didn't look at him at first, because of disbelief, i suppose; i am ready for you and i want you both for my and your sake; it is actual bonding, and i am not even joking - i mean it; iu know you are always asking your audience for questions to make videos on; and i am trying to write from years, but i can't; so instead i created blogs and fb groups, and pages, all related to your teachigns and how i interpret them for my life, ad how they help me grow; i need to work more completely with your mind, because when combining other spiritual philosophers' calmness with your catalystic power and depth, and structure/ logic of understanding, i become completely different - empowered to unbelieveable extent https://the-reactionist.tumblr.com/post/187233997680/benevolence-unconditional-love-the-innate i am sorry i have not enough money to buy your things - meditations, courses, workshop passes, retreats; i know they cost very little, but i can't hndle my life and i am not financially independent; but i love you, i want you to experience i 3d your fullest potential and capacity ebcause you rock, you help me every time, so i beg, please somehow connect to me in the spiritual plane so i can give you the srengths i am carrrying to hep you resolve, in time, your leftover past trauma - and it's a lot, i see it still, so that you can rock on life as you want to, and not keep stuck in these patterns of self-mistrust and victimhood, and powerlessness; you are gREAT, but unlike many of us - literally; and i am very very excited by you, on every single level,so you truly catalyze change i me, on a molecular, subconscious, sexual, physical, and though levels - hi5 for dat! because i'm hardcore too, eyt you manage to get through to me; i need you more, though, because i am workig with a lot of trauma myself; i have bee put in psychiatries by my parents because i started speakig about things they don't want to hear and maybe it wasn't tiem for them to; but sorry to be so hones - i see in you a sort of restlessness that is not helping the peoplewho depend on you to be helped and uided on our ow journeys/paths through reality; and you can help us; many more than you are targeting presently, in fact; your inner child feels unheard ad unexpressed, though, so in my view you still act a little irresponssibly, exerting your powerfulness in ways which are uhealthy and not deep enough/mature/rooted; maybe i'm too needy, as i have been to my mother, to my loved one, to my spiritual teacher/sect leader/first sexual partner,and i am to you now too, but i am needy, i am human, i am breaking - in body, and i spirit sometimes; im sorry; i am truly breaking/soft. and i think this is the genuine human condition; and i liek your power but i NEED to be protected by it to be fully myself and give MY gift to the wrld -w hich is mthering, care, heartful compassion and being there and holding space, but from the heart-space, not physically, and not so mcuh mentally, because i am not very educated in philosphies, and i have poor strength in that faculty; i am more basic, primitive, and i dont really feel ashamed by that; i am the powerful people's job, as the tao te chig goes; so i beg you - i can't do with teachings i the way your power/energy demands; there are thse whi are that physically strgn, but i aint; and i can't be; peopel have tried to train me but i'm too connected with teh feminiity and teh earth aspects of human beings to be able to overcome those - i am NOT a shaoulin monk, although i love both you an dthem all; i feel respect ad am honored to be residing on earth among peope like you, but i am sexually drawn to your types of strength and endurance - i wanna bear childern to the kids of you; i am NOT liek you 

i’m an old person/elder type fo being; i need to nourisha nd provide for your vigor and power to be manifested in reality more safely and completely i feel towards you the same way i feel towards the man i am fully in love with but i can’t get to him because footh of our unresolved issues ad i beg for help because i want to resolve those - our issues aren;tours alone; we care about/for others’ problems, that si why we can’t hande our lives; so i that way we are much like you; and i am like you in many ways; i wish i could communnicate to you - and i will ebcause i should - i blog posts, if i can find energy to, which i can’t... i’m so sorry but stress is killing me literally - i develped diabetes since my stepfather dies eight years ago and now there is noone to take acre of my basic needs  financially and emotionally,a s supprt; so i breakdown; but i knw you can help me becaus ethsoe stuff don’t touch you; and i can help youw itrh stuff that dont touch me; or i have been a hero through, makig my way out of them;

sexual trauma ad abuse of femininity, is my specuialty, i believe; i am a one who in their love for humanity, their femininity and themselves, has raped themselves to try d develop compassion for those things humns do to each other - rape, abuse of feedom; i am thtat string in my plan for this incarnation; but i have been messed with, energetically and sexually - by a cult/sect; so i have lost my strengths and many of my point of stremgth - my stepfather being one of them; he is someone from my sould-family/group,and my grandmotehr has managed to manifest him into my reality to help me through life;

but he die physically, and his loss is unbearable, i have nothign to stand on and i cn’t handle my frmer tasts without taht kid fo support; that is why i am reahcig out t you; and i ave erached out to suzanne lie, sadhguru, and many thers for support; my lover/peron taht i am lin love with, AND his father, too -i have written to them and asked for suport dicetly, because i can and i need it; i am that in love withmyself that i have the capacity to ask for what i want when i eed my  eeds met; i want you to have that fr yourself, tio; let me etahc you soemhow, lover

i read you as an incarantion of shiva; i love this being’s energy and how sexual and open with sexuality he/it is; i am much more feminine in nature though; which is a weakness; but i need help to overcome it, or try to, as i have promised, in my soul contract; i am running out f time because i am runnign it of energy; my soulmate/’twin flame’ partner/the boy i love and wanna marry and have child with is running out of his shin as well, his essence, his power; we have both depleted our chi through mastrubatig and abuse of our chi; you - no; you have that fire strong within you; please help us with guiding to vercome our foolish weaknesses and purge from our actual sinfulness - devoted to earthly elasure in a society that udnermines a persons needs for that type of pelasure; so tahtwe and many more can heal from thise types of stereotype and thinkig and go on with life; i cant by myself; my loved person has ecaus he’s younger an dhas different energy - he is much liek you; liek curt cobai, like jeff buckley ad others; you rock the world, you are strogn with or without others; i am not; i  need others to grow still; i’m sorry i can’t be strger at this point; i am just t and i lose my mind when they want me to; i am a primadonna, an italian belcanto style opera singer type of person, and my femininity is such; and i have no shame for beign this wqay; i need your type of masculine scolding to refresh my poits fo view and receive revitalizing energy to grow into a best version of myself; better tahn i have been thus far; but you eed to be scolded by the lieks of me and becoem more herty and softer in your capacities, too; because i am a mother to you and th elikes of you - taht is ewhat i can; and i desire your kind sexually which is fun and awesome but it makes me frustrated a lot, too; look, this is nto a lustful invitation - idesire lustfully my neigbour who is a national chamion in hockey for my coutry,and the boy i mentioned ver  a thousand times thus far, ebcause i need actual physcial sex; and i like men; i am to girls a prtector and support; or have been, t put it more accurately - now with my stepfathe rgone, i dot anymore have the strength to tdo taht msot of the time’  idot desire girls sexually; more than one man, yeah, but girls - i cant handle in my heart; s sorry but iam not meanign my words in a direct physical way, but mor e enretically; i really love you - which is a neediness expression in itself; i feel like this when i’m saying these words to you 

Khajurahu, India

Ishtar ~Venus, Messopotamia

i feel my sacred feminine energy explode whenever around you; the spiritual catalyst - imma do a post specifically on how i see your energies linked to Quanyin and the sacred feminine; but as i have heard you speak before, you feel much more connected to your masculine energy so far, thus i’m gonna address you in the way i feel you as Lord Shiva/ the sacred masculine

i wanna #support YOU

.....

[fraudulence-paradox]

01/31/2021

So this is sort of weird but, I found this box of old letters from my exes. Only from M---- and K----y. I’m not sure why I kept M----’s, but then, I was going to throw them out, but I just couldn’t. Maybe after this I’ll be able to. It’s so fucking stupid that I cant. It makes me mad. I’m just too nostalgic for the past. For the past me, not even for the past them. I just liked who I was better 4 years ago than I do now. But anyway. To maybe help me get rid of them, I wanted to document what they said here so they wouldn’t be totally lost no matter what happened.

M----’s letters were pretty sparse. The first is from when she first moved to FL when we were dating for the winter season to go do her horse stuff. The second is from that same stint in FL (we only dated for like 1.5 years) and basically says “I miss you, sorry the letter isn’t longer, but I’m busy”. So, yeah. Probably gonna toss those now.

The ones from K----y feel different. Different because we were so young and dumb and stupid and thought we were in love. And they just get sadder and sadder as they go on. I’ll put them all here, in chronological order, with dates if applicable, or my best guess:

Letter 1:

5/9/12 (that’s all it says)

[I wrote this so I wouldn’t forget our anniversary. It doesn’t really count, but I thought I’d include it.]

Letter 2:

circa September 2012

I know I’ve already told you this a hundred times, but a hundred times more you’ll have to hear it. You are the luckiest and greatest thing to ever happen to me. You’re just so perfect and amazing and smart and gorgeous that it’s still so hard to believe that you’re even mine. I love you. I love you and I’ll never stop. I will love you forever no matter what. For real though, every time I look at you it’s like I just completely want to be burst with how much love I have for you. And because of how cute and insanely gorgeous you are, but mostly from love. You really are extremely attractive though, and I don’t know if you believe me or see it or whatever but you really are. I still haven’t been able to pinpoint exactly what it is about you that makes you look that way, but I think it’s either your eyes or your smiles. You’ve got an absolutely flawless smile. That alone can just make me happier than anything. Same with your laugh. Like when you are laughing, really honestly laughing, its just, god, the most crazy awesomest thing I’ve ever heard. I actually can’t even begin to describe how happy it makes me. I love you. I never want to go back to what everything was like before I met you. Oh and apart from all this stuff, you’re like the first person I have met so far that actually looks beyond the surface. That is the one quality in a person that I had above all the others. (wow I’m starting to get ranty and repetitive). Well anyway, my point is you are completely irreplaceable to me. I’ll never stop being completely in love with you. You are my whole existence and I know that whatever happens, I’ll be fine as long as I have you.

With love, forever and always

-K----y

Letter 3:

circa January 2013?

So I just want to talk and talk and talk and never shut up because I’m just so stressed our right now you would never believe it. I’m not trying to worry you or anything. I just need to get something out before I burst.

I just actually can’t focus on anything right now I’m just like gah! And I have a headache and want to get up and wander around or something. I want to just get the fuck out like a seriously can’t handle this right now. It’s not even boredome it’s more of just, “oh my god I cant” like oppressive emptiness. No, not emptiness, more like nothingness? I don’t know how to explain it other than I just don’t want to sit around and listen to people talk. I think I want to be alone, but Ihave no idea and got theres nothing I can do but sit here and think about it. I want to go home but I don’t and seriously it’s just freakin me the fuck out. Oh my fuck I actually cant go home that wont help but I really don’t know what to do! Maybe I actually want to talk to people but no but yes. Too much energy. Can I just cry and break something? This is just way too much stress to be having on a Friday. I’m worrying so much about god knows what and holy hell I want to stop but I cant. I need to stop. Just stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop. That’s a funny word like top but with an s. What am I even doing serioiusly. This is just totally freaking me out ugh. Sorry, I’m really not trying to get you worried. Seriously. I just need to throw everything up out of my head.

I think I should do something when I get home like I don’t know, something other than watch TV or homework or draw or read because that will stress me out more. I don’t know what even seriously maybe you could tell me a story? Why am I even asking that… but seriously, I kinda want that. And I could watch the history channel or something but I just want to watch a history documentary. That’s actually what I want to do. And eat something like pasta or maybe a taco. I can paint my toenails maybe.. and clean my shoes. No just kidding I don’t want to do that. Tell me more about, I don’t know, everything. Please? Okay actually I’m feeling a little bit better now, but I need to keep writing until this class is over to make sure…

So I just went up to the teacher for her to check some stuff. No idea why you’d care about that but I had to say it. Einsam apparently means lonely. But it’s an annoying word because it looks like an indefinite article when it’s actually an adjective, I think? Not that I got that wrong on my work, because I did know that before, I was just saying. This is too easy but I still hate adjective endings. Whatever, it has to be done. I’d rather do this than go to government. Okay, I’m actually a lot more relaxed now. Ignore the front side of this paper; I couldn’t find any other. It’s relative clauses if you’re wondering.

Now I’m kinda hungry for a burger. Like really hungry for one… I should be finishing my work though… but no, I can do it for homework. I like having German homework. It makes me feel like I’m actually learning something. It’s the only thing in school so far that I’ll actually use later in life, and is fun. There's five minutes left. I don’t use apostrophes… is that a bad thing? [transcriber’s note: oops, I’ve been adding them back in] I think maybe it is. I don’t know if I’ll do anything about it though.

Yeah okay I feel so much better now. I don’t know if you should worry anymore. Maybe a little but I’m sorta good.

Okay, I love you! Gotta go!

Letter 4:

Circa January 2013?

I swear I could never tell you enough just exactly how much I love you, how much you mean to me. It just makes me want to hold you tight and completely melt into you so I’d never have to leave your warmth and never ending kindness and love. You’ve just made me happy and feel so much better. It’s like just seeing you can make my worries go away and I know that I can face anything the day throws at me. You have no idea how much that means to me. And god, you’ve seriously made me feel just so much better about myself. The way you seem to see my flaws as perfection (even though you argue that I have no flaws) is just… I seriously can’t tell you how that’s helped me. I love you so much. You’re like heaven rent or something, really. I don’t even get how you can see any imperfections in yourself, because honestly, you’re like exactly how a person should be. You have all the good qualities a human could ever possess. If everyone were like you, this world would be such a better place. But everyone is not like you so that makes you the rarest treasure of all. And you’re mine. You’re my treasure. Because of that, I will always keep you close and value everything about you and everything we share. Forever, until the day I die, and much longer.

With all my love,

K----y

Letter 5:

Circa October 2013

I’m sorry. For everything. Do you want me to step out of your life forever? Because if that’s what you need, I’ll do it for you. Sorry I couldn’t say this out loud. I’ll just end up crying if I do. And I don’t want you to feel guilty about this. I’m terribly sorry that I’m not perfect for you. I did my best, but I fucked up (even if you won’t say it). You deserve a less clingy and a smarter girl to be with. It’s so hard to say this because whether you like it or not, I’m still very much in love with you. I’ll still do anything for you. This is just so hard though… harder for me than for you, I know. But no matter what you want, I’m not going to be happy for a long time. I can’t get over you that fast. You still mean the world to me. I’m not going to be looking for anyone else for a couple years. At least until college or whatever. But regardless, nobody will be able to replace you, and I don’t mean getting married and stuff. Just little things. But it’s okay. It really is. Sorry to be bothering you more. I know that you just want to move on. I just wanted to say that I love you one last time.

Letter 6:

Circa November 2013

[Written on the outside of the folded note]

Please at least read this before you throw this out.

[Content of the note]

Hey I know that you’re pissed off at me for some reason and you want me to cut off all communication with you, but honestly I just want the awkwardness to go away. It truly doesn’t have to be this awkward. I’m just trying to be polite with you. Yeah, I know, I’m not one hundred percent over you, but I’m doing the best I can. I’m not trying to get with you, or break you and C---- up. I know that there’s absolutely nothing I can do about the situation, so I’m just trying to wait the pain out. I’m not waiting for you. The only reason why I hang out with your friends is because I like them. I’m really not trying to seduce you. If it hurts you too much to see me (which I seriously doubt since you’ve made it very clear how you feel about me and you’re so over it) then you need to man up and just tell me. Talking to me won’t be leading me on. I have no idea what I did to you to make you hate me so much. I’ve apologized and apologized and I seriously meant it. Yeah, I slipped up about the texting thing, but that won’t happen again. I don’t know your motives and they’re none of my business anymore, but please just be polite to me. If you’re truly upset with me, just tell me why. I’m not angry with you, I just seriously have no clue why you’re acting like I ruined your entire life. So please don’t be mad at me for giving you this. I don’t even need an answer.

I just don’t give much of a shit anymore. I know you’re never coming back and I know you’re much happier with C---- than you ever were with me. And that makes me happy. So I don’t care that you never want to see me again. Just please know that you don’t need to keep dragging this out. I just want to be friendly with you. So yeah.

I’m not trying to make you mad or annoy you, I swear it. I just felt like you needed to know. For my own sanity, as selfish as that is.

-from you know who

[fourkidsvsme-blog]

The Pressure Is On

Being a mother is hard. Being a woman, itself is hard. We have so much pressure from everyone to be perfect or at lease try to be. As for me after having my fourth baby the pressure is on. Some people might judge and ask themselves why I even bother to get pregnant for the fourth time and to be honest even I questioned myself. Truth is I wanted to have my baby I wanted to give my husband the chance to have a son and I am glad we finally had a son because I don’t think I would have tried for a fifth time. I remember people saying, “Omg your pregnant again?” with a face that expressed their concern as if they were going to give birth to the baby or as if they were going to pay for the babies pampers and necessities. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until after my first trimester. Once I found I couldn’t sleep. I believe it was all in my head. I started to get more and more sleepy and craving stuff. Well at lease give in to the “cravings”. I had honestly forgotten what it was like to be pregnant. My feet started hurting and getting swollen very quickly which was very annoying. Before this pregnancy I had lost 30 lbs which I was so proud. I worked hard in the gym and with eating healthy. So when I started to gain weight after the 4th month my feelings were very twisted. I was happy that I was giving my husband a son and that I was giving my daughters and son a little brother but I was also very concern about how much weight I was going to gain. Weight gain should not be a concern for a pregnant women but when you have my body type and when you are self conscience as I am weight gain is definitely a concern. I really didn’t give in too much or at lease try to show it. As I came to my 3rd trimester I knew I could help but to gain weight. However I loved my baby bump. This pregnancy’s baby bump was not like the ones I had before. This one was big but was not as wide as my belly with my daughters. I was happy with that. I took my pregnancy photos which I think I looked bombed in. I took it to show off how happy I was with my belly bump even dough I was worried inside about my post baby body. Sometimes I would tell my husband or express how fat I would feel and his response was “You have a long way to go to go back to your pre baby body.” which I knew and agreed. I gained a total of 35lbs in this pregnancy and by my last month I was ready to pop since my lower back was hurting and my feet were always swollen. I was excited to have my son don’t get me wrong . I was excited to meet him and to hold my newborn. I was also nervous to find out how much weight I was going to loose during labor and how much more during the weeks after. Once I gave birth and was able to hold my son all worry about myself was gone. Everything was worth it as long as my son was healthy. Fast-forward to today, me at 2 weeks and 5 days post-partum have only lost 15 lbs since birth. After birth in our Hispanic tradition the women are not allowed to do anything for the 6 weeks post-partum period. They are told to always cover their ears not wear flip flops, get near a stove, sweep or mop or leave the house. Yeah tell that to a mother who has 4 kids. Once again don’t get me wrong my husband helps me a lot. More than average husbands but he still has to work and I still have to maintain this household. I was out for the doctor after a week and to purchase groceries the week after. I was sweeping and moping every other day so that my kids wouldn’t end up with black socks. I was also trying to cook since we were not that financially stable to be able to purchase food every night for dinner. I know at this point you are thinking the same thing other people were thinking when I told them I was pregnant “Why did you get pregnant again?”. Truth is I still don’t know but I am glad I did. I don’t think I had a good recovery period. At lease one that I deserve. I don’t blame no one. Its really no ones fault. Is hard to maintain a house hold of 6 people. I knew it was going to be easy but how I wish I would have emotionally prepared myself for all the changes. There a lot of pressure that I feel being a new mother. I have to make sure that my older kids don’t feel left out at any time. Made sure that they know because I had a baby doesn’t mean that they can slack on their discipline or their house chores. Which I don’t want to place too much on their plates but I have read that them doing chores actually helps them to be more responsible adults. Win win for me.  I have to be able to be there for 24 hours bottle and bottom service for my baby. And yes bottle service because I am not able to feed my son breast milk for a couple of reasons. One since i started I have only been able to pump 1oz from both breast every 2 hours. Talk about a supply and demand problem. I am not able to place my son since I have flat nipples and yes I know theirs nipple shields but he didn’t not like that and to be honest I was not going to force it since I have tried to for my last 3 kids. I decided to go with pumping and then bottle feeding which is currently not working for me. 1oz is not enough so I decided to do research and bought Fenugreek supplements and made sure I was always hydrated. Did not work. I also askes my husbands family since in their country the elders make a lot of home recipes to increase milk supply and they advise to drink at least one cup of hot cocoa a night. Didn’t work. At this point I am done trying. I am done stressing over not producing enough. I was also told that breastfeeding helps you loose weight by burning calories. I was excited about that but it all went down the drain once I was not going to put my sane on the line in order to breastfeed my son. I know he will turn out fine since my other kids did to. Know I have to prepare for the judgmental moms criticism when I tell them I no longer breatfeed but you know what? They were not there when both my son and I were crying with frustration and when I was crying alone stressed and feeling like a looser for not being able to breastfeed. As of today I have not hear one mother say “It’s ok if you are not able to breastfeed”. Loosing weight by breastfeeding is now out of the question. I was also bought a girdle since all new moms wear in order to tighten the stomach and loose the belly fat. Also a fail since I believe I bout it the wrong size plus it only tightens the upper part of my stomach and I need extra help with my lower abdomen which is now a pouch. I have been thinking about buying a good one which is highly expensive but who knows it might be worth it. Post partum period is only 6 weeks but I know for my husband it feels like way longer. I was not really sectually active during my pregnancy due to very dry vagina and painfull sex. So I know him and I are very excited to get this long 6 weeks over with. However there another issue with this. I don’t know how I am going to react once we are in action and he starts to notice that I have about 25 lbs more than before. Which if I really think about it its crazy since I weighted 216 lbs when we got married. I think I might be over reacting but I cant help it. Now that I think about when I weighted 216 lbs I was not really depressed about it but the fact that I lost the weight and I worked to hard to loose and gained it all back (with a baby as a benefit of course) kind of gets me depressed. I think about all the possibilities about how any other women who is not able to have babies wouldn’t care to gain all this weight in order to have a baby but as I said I cant help it. I feel pressure to have to “bring sexy back” to my husband but how can I satisfy him when I myself am not satisfied with myself. I feel like I cannot express love to him since I at this point am not in love with myself. I have cried about this but I know sometimes feel so stupid because I know its normal I can expect to jump back to pre baby body in one month but the pressure is on.  I have seen how many women jump immediately back and think how I wish I was them. How I wish my metabolism was different. How I wish my genes were different. I am excited to start working out and to start some sort of meal plan for weight loss but im nervous that I wont see results as fast as I would like. One of my goals for 2018 was to be able to run a marathon. Well maybe walk and finish a marathon. I need a motivation in order to start this long pre baby journey. Is not going to be easy but I know I cant make it with the help of my support system which is my family.

[checksecondaryblog]

“heyy, all of the questions please ;)”

IM SO SORRY I DIDNT DID THIS SOONER!!!!

SCHOOL WAS CRAZY AND STUFF, OMG I ALWAYS COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT  GETTING ASKS BUT WHEN I GET THEM I DONT ANSWER THEM  IM A BIG MESS!!!

AND ALSO HOLY FUCK 70 QUESTIONS....but i guess that was my fault for not putting a limit and bcs i said i was bored ...so is okay...

lets just start....

1. Do you have a good relantionship with your parents?- I mean, i guess i just a “normal” relantionship, sometimes we dont really talk to each other, but others we are together watching movies or playing games, so i guess is ok.

2.Who did you last say “i love you” to?- Written, to a friend bcs... San valentines day, but verbally, probably my mom or my family in general.

3. Do you regret anything?- LIKE 80% OF MY TRASHY LIFE.

4. Are you insecure?- yES

5. What is your relantionship status?- Lonely af

6.  How do you want to die?-.uhmmmm... anything that is not painful, i really dont want to die slowly or painfully.

7.  What did you last eat?- Tacos bcs im a mexican :v.... ok now it was soup.

8. Played any sports?-i used to play basketball twice a week, im trying to play voleball now but idk really.

9.  Do you bite your nails?- i also bite my pens....

10.  When was your last physical fight?-i mean, im more of a pacifist who evades all physical accion, so... “”technically”” when i was 7 yrs old... but literally i just hit a boy and ran away... it wasnt even hard enough to make him mad at me....(i think he didnt even noticed....)

11. Do you like someone? you mean like someone who is real and even knows me.... nope

12. Have you stayed up 48 hours?- not really, my record is 20 something...

13. Do you hate anyone this moment?- like half my fucking classmates.

14. Do you miss someone? a friend who moved to another state... we still chat, but it was funnier when we actually saw each other.

15. Have any pets? Not right now, but i want to...

16. How exactly are you feeling at the moment?- feeling the stress of all the work i havent done.

17. Ever made out in the bathroom?- i havent even made out in a “normal” place ever....

18. Are you scared of spiders?- ehhhhhh.... i dont scream and panic when i see them, but i dont have the guts to kill them or get too close... i just kinda.... stare at them until they leave and hide again in my house... they are gonna take over someday....

19. Would you go back in time if given the chance?- Not really... what if i fuck my life more?!

20.  Where was the last place you snogged someone?-*mexican ass doesnt known what “snogged” is, so she searches it* nOPe

21.  What are your plans for this weekend?- Just lay on my bed procrastinating all my work.....

22.  Do you want to have kids? How many?-not really, i would be the worst mother and i dont think i could deal with having a human being in my watch... i can hardly take care of myself.....

23.  Do you have piercings? How many?- i wanna... probably one or two... i dont wanna go over the top with them.

24.  What is/are/were your best subject(s)?- according to my grades..... physics and english!

25.  Do you miss anyone from your past?-... not really....

26.  What are you craving right now?-CHIPS

27.  Have you ever broken someone’s heart?- HA! as if....if someone would end up heartbroken it would be me...( maybe i did but i never knew... oh fuck)

28.  Have you ever been cheated on?-OK LETS MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR. im still kinda young (12+ tho) AND I HAVENT HAD A RELANTIONSHIP BEFORE, IM SO BORING AND LAME I KNOOOOOW.

29.  Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?-PLEASE REFER TO QUESTION 28...

30.  What’s irritating you right now?-everthing....

31.  Does somebody love you?-family and friends i guess.

32.  What is your favourite color?-  red and purple

33. Do you have trust issues?- no, literally i blindly trust everyone and everything I DONT KNOW WHY THO.

34.  Who/what was your last dream about?-mystery boy who just kissed me and i woke up.... wut

35.  Who was the last person you cried in front of?- if i remeber correctly.. a friend.

36.  Do you give out second chances too easily?-emphasis in “too” IM TOO NICE!!!

37.  Is it easier to forgive or forget?-DAMN THIS IS DEEP. ok too many mayus.... probably forgive... because, in the end, you will have a small memory of that thing... or at least i think so...

38.  Is this year the best year of your life?-march just beGAN... AND ITS GOING HORRIBLY ( jk, mayus are fun)

39.  How old were you when you had your first kiss?-what kiss?

40.  Have you ever walked outside completely naked?... only in a large blouse and underwear....

51.  Favourite food?-( JUST NOTICED THIS JUMPS FROM 40 TO 51 WHAT THE) chips.

52.  Do you believe everything happens for a reason?-Yes...what did i do for my life to be such a mess?!?!?

53.  What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?- trying to update a wattpad fanfic...

54.  Is cheating ever okay?-nooOOOO

55.  Are you mean?-im an asshole to myself.

56.  How many people have you fist fought?-nope.

57.  Do you believe in true love? i just... dont know....

58.  Favourite weather?- THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAYYYYYY ( too fucking tired of  that song tho...)

59.  Do you like the snow?-here in mexico we only have artificial snow... AND I HAVE BAD EXPERIENCES WITH IT.

60.  Do you wanna get married?- i guess it would be nice... if someone liked me enough to do so... ( it will never happen, im gonna die aloooone)

61.  Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?-they have... never done.... but still i dont like the idea of it....

62.  What makes you happy?- staying at home, without worries in the computer in social media doing noting productive and eating chips... exactly what i always do but WITHOUT WORRIES AND STRESS.

63.  Would you change your name?- yES, i hate my name so much.

64.  Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?-again... WHAT KISS?!?!

65.  Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?- i would try to keep a comfortable friendship if i dont like him back, but if the feeling are the same then yeAY.

66.  Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?-not really, only my female friends know my real self 100%.

67.  Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?- a classmate.

68.  Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?-idk, im not that much of “deep stuff” im so awkard when talking about that... so i just stick with dorkiness and such. ( also i cant legitimally remember who or what )

69.  Do you believe in soulmates?-Kinda...

70.  s there anyone you would die for?-i dont think sooo, im such a coward....

ANYWAY, again sorry for answering so late, and this didnt took as long as i expected to... ( bcs there were like 10 questions missing but lets ignore that)

so sorry if my answers are boring ans such but... thats meeeeee...

so bye