#and i did this not sober

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

hello, i did a thing

I realize my taglists are in a state of disrepair at baseline so i learned how to make a secondary blog (please hold your applause i know my talents are immense). so, i will no longer be adding taglists to individual stories BUT if you follow @theidiotupdates then whenever I post an update to something I will also post a notification there.

if this ends poorly and/or doesn't work i'll trash it and go back to attempting a taglist lol.

and on that same note, if you follow @theidiotrecommends then you can see me fangirl over my fav fics

[inkskinned]

actually sometimes being neurodivergent is great bc you have a particular kind of Silly Mode that just . manifests glory. harmless fun is my precious side quest & i have a high score in whimsy. like okay if i gotta be the first dork in the dance pit it's gonna be me and this random toddler and we're gonna avril-style rock ouuuuttt

[lethalchiralium]

you’re drunk, i’m drunk, listen

simon is NOT a club dancer. he’s a little bitch about it, always saying no when girls come and ask him to dance. he likes the atmosphere of a dance club, he likes watching.

but he likes watching you the most. and he finds himself not against a wall now, but against you - hand on your hip while he holds your drink. he doesn’t mind your ass pressed against his dick, he certainly doesn’t mind the way your head leans back, hand grabs him by the back of the neck. only to smile up at him while you rap a kendrick song as best as you can.

he knows better than to not indulge you in your fun nights at the dance club, you’re his for the taking - and grinding on occasionally. hands squeezing your hips, ass, his lips near your ear to press feverish kisses to your face.

he’s a man of few words, but they do drive you fucking wild.

[tangyyrine]

Spoilers for the Book of Bill

Been seeing a lot of people interpreting this as “Bill and Ford had drunk birthday dream sex” and honestly I can see why lmao 💀

[bipolareffigy]

[justaz]

arthur has always been suspicious of the tavern excuse for merlin’s absences, but he has no proof on the contrary and when confronted merlin either tells him outlandish tales of near death experiences that have no chance of being remotely truthful or he admits to and apologizes for slacking on his duties to get drunk. one day, he decides enough is enough and he and all the knights go to the tavern with merlin and arthur casually brings up merlin’s history in the tavern and says he could probably beat gwaine in a drinking contest. merlin tries to divert the discussion away from the idea but arthur is determined. they receive a round of drinks and arthur pushes a pint of ale into merlin’s hands with a look of challenge. merlin’s options are to either commit to the lie to hide his secret or admit to the lie and risk exposing his magic. he takes the former. merlin gives lancelot a Look and then slams back the pint of ale with a minor bit of gagging and pauses to breath. gwaine already finished his pint thirty seconds ago but its entertaining to watch merlin so he doesn’t say anything.

merlin (built like a twig, rarely drinks, lightweight) is proper sloshed. arthur is almost vindicated but he needs merlin to admit it. he orders two more pints and gives one to gwaine and the second to merlin, instigating the competition further despite the fact that gwaine won already. merlin grimaces and tries to do the same thing again but only gets a few gulps in before he folds. he slams the mug down and gives arthur a kicked puppy look before admitting and apologizing for lying. arthur is Vindicated. merlin is still wasted.

the nights wears on and merlin feels the effect of the ale more and more every minute that passes. he sits between arthur and lancelot and feels almost unbearably warm but that could be bc of the alcohol in his system, or the crowded tavern. merlin looks around and watches the people that pass their table by while the knights talk and joke and laugh amongst themselves. merlin feels relaxed and excitable now, his worries seem to have melted away and he cant seem to remember why he was always so stressed and worn down before. he sees a game of [insert game here] (i was gonna say darts but google says that game hasn’t been invented in canon time so ill leave it up to interpretation) going on and climbs over lancelot to join in.

the knights watch with amusement and anticipate merlin’s clumsy attempts at [whatever]. oddly enough tho, merlin is a fucking god at [game]. a small crowd gathers and betting pools form and then challengers approach and put money on the line to go against merlin and merlin absolutely demolishes them all. honestly if arthur didn’t know any better, he’d think merlin was using magic to win bc there was no way his bumbling fool of a servant was that good at…anything.

the challengers take their defeat with honor and grace. the audience is a huge fan of merlin and they keep buying him drinks but he just sends them to the table for the other’s to drink. many people come up to him and flirt, maybe motivated by all the money he won that night or maybe just bc he’s merlin, and when merlin responds to them he’s………..he’s a real good fucking flirt? like could put gwaine to shame and he’s rejecting them???? how can someone come across so flirtatiously while turning down offers to take various beautiful people to bed??

arthur was already itching to intervene when people were flirting with merlin but he seemed to have a handle on it so he let it slide, but then people started touching merlin and arthur’s hand had drifted to his hip where his sword was usually sheathed. however, again, merlin was very skilled at escaping the situations with little to no conflict and he came back to the table with his winnings. the knights cheer for him and order more drinks with his money which merlin is too inebriated to notice and truthfully doesn’t really care about. his eyes are on arthur and if arthur thought watching merlin flirt from afar was bad then having him up close in his personal space, hands brushing against his arms and dark eyelashes fluttering softly against his pale skin, breathing his name into the space between them and licking his full pink lips was absolute torture and the worst and best agony he couldn’t even dream up.

[erynalasse]

I wonder when the Noldor looked around at their dwindling numbers and realized that they were dying faster than they could ever keep up with.

[poorlittleyaoyao]

oppressing the bestie with angry Episode 49 texts because NOBODY! IS MAD! AT THE RIGHT THINGS!

[sadisticyouko]

hello, im not sure if requests are open or closed, if they're closed you can ignore this ^^

reader is female.

can i request a one shot where the reader is a part of team urameshi and reader and hiei were secretly dating until (either member of your choice maybe kurama or something) walks in on the two of them kissing and eventually they come out that they've been dating. :P

☆ author's note : a little bit suggestive but not too much detail, I wrote most of this while i was super drunk last night and finally got around to finishing it up today, not sure if i love the ending tbh, but i hope this is to your liking ! ♡

❝ JUST BETWEEN US ❞

You weren’t sure what to call it. At first it started with bouts of protectiveness, almost constantly initiated by Hiei. The Dark Tournament was a vicious, cruel game that in a way, exposed a softer side of Team Urameshi as a whole. How you all cared for one another. How you would all willingly fight a stadium full of monsters for one another. It a was a fast track way to bond for a pair of teammates that knew little to nothing of each other previous to boarding that boat and fighting to the death one round after another.

You couldn’t tell that anything had changed about him after the first match. You were bloodied, slightly concussed, and amped up by the adrenaline of having won your first fight. Bruises no doubt littered your entire body. Yusuke congratulated you with a rough pat on the back, his hand accidentally slapping against a particularly deep wound. You gave Kuwabara a half hug on your way back, his embrace gentler, but still sturdy with relief.

When your eyes broke contact with the healthy green grass you stamped beneath your feet, you met Hiei’s crimson eyes.

Almost like an accident, at first. How long had he been staring? His eyes quickly darted to the left, almost embarrassed to have been caught watching you. But why would that be unusual? You figured he was just still learning it was normal to care about his friends.

You instinctively stood beside him for the remainder of the fights. Not much conversation, both of your attention glued to the arena before you. Your shoulders feeling like magnets. More effort to distance yourself from his side than it took to stay there. Your eyes occasionally meeting when you dare to look from the fight to his face. Like he had been staring. A light pink dusting his cheeks when he’s caught in the act before he immediately looks away. Another complaint if you stare for too long.

If Kuwabara breathed too hard you never heard the end of it from Hiei. If a contestant took a misstep in the arena he had a corrective remark to make of it.

When your hand accidentally brushed his…he was silent. When your eyes met his in the middle of a group conversation…he was silent.

It wasn’t until one of your matches went sideways that he decided not to waste anymore time.

Feeling out powered. Out classed. Running out of ideas. Out of time… You thought you might really die in front of your friends and a stadium full of demons chanting, praying for more of your blood to spill on the pavement. Your vision gets blurry after losing enough blood. It’s like seeing through static. Lungs burning with exertion. Muscles freezing, locking in place. This is it, you think. This is death.

And Hiei’s voice breaks through the thick fog of your surrender.

“Fight, (y/n), fight!”

It’s by some miracle your opponent passes out seconds before you. You released a burst of energy, you don’t even know how, to knock them out of the ring and begin the count down. The sound of the announcer’s eager voice ringing in your eyes. One…two… staggering…and darkness.

The air conditioner makes a comforting noise in the darkness of the hotel room. It’s a gentle hum. Sometimes a staccato to disrupt the pattern. Before your eyes even open, a heavy pounding begins in your head. Aching all over. Body heavy with exhaustion. And yet…your body fights. Shooting up in bed. Tense and primed for violence. Your hands balled into fists as your eyes adjust to the dark hotel room…

“Hn, finally. You’ve been sleeping for hours.”

It’s Hiei. His voice stirring an unfamiliar warmth in your belly that relaxes your muscles, your fight or flight instincts taking a back seat to an entirely new set of instincts. Of warmth…of uncertainty. You fidget in the white linen bed they assigned to you and let out a deep sigh you didn’t know you were holding in. “Did we win?”

“Obviously.”

You haven’t dared to look at him yet, you hand encasing your face as your body adjusts to its surroundings. The bed dips with his weight as he comes to sit beside you, bringing a cool cup of water up to your lips and tipping it. Holding the glass as you sip and then gulp all the water within the glass. A bead of water escapes from your lips, drips down the side as Hiei retracts the glass.

Unbeknownst to you, he watches that little bead of water carefully. He watches your face carefully the same way he watched over you while you slept. Examining your breathing, dressing your wounds.. The moonlight bounces off the side of your cheek and casts a glow around your features. Features he worried he’d never see again. The face he saw bloodied and battered in the arena. The face he had secretly hoped he’d get to enjoy for years to come…

When you finally turn to look into his crimson eyes…he is electric… A live wire full of emotion and pain. Before either of you even realize, his hand is under your chin and pulling your face close into an innocent kiss. A press of his lips against yours, and moving fervently, desperately against yours until he opens his mouth and lets your taste in. Until he’s on top of you in bed, moving the sheets away from your body to feel you close. Until you’re gasping at the proximity. Until you’re wondering if you really did win that fight or maybe if you’ve descending into a blissful hell and hiei’s there to greet you with the most blissful sins imaginable.

No one notices for the rest of the tournament.

And, why would they? A life for death scenario each and every day. Never knowing whether or not you’d all finally make it home or if it’d be your last night on earth. Murdered in front of a live audience desperately cheering and hoping to see as much of a mess of your innards as possible.

You and Hiei made the most of it.

After everyone had fallen asleep. After everyone had made their way into their respective rooms. Whether it had been an exhaustive training day or an actual fight in the arena. You kept your door unlocked. Sometimes wandering through the halls of the hotel into his room, sometimes him seeking you out. Every touch of his calloused hands against your face. Every stolen glance or secret kiss. Every moment you had of darkness and peace after the tournament was indulged in between the two of you.

There were a few times you worried the secret would be given away. He didn’t like for anyone to stand too close to you. He didn’t like for you to volunteer for any fights, not if the four of them could handle it. It wouldn’t always be words or outward aggression he’d show to keep others away from you. Sometimes it was just an ominous energy emanating from him if someone else took the seat beside you. It took everything within his power not to drape an arm around you and tell his teammates flat out to back off. Don’t touch her. Don’t look at her. She’s mine…

Naturally, a part of you worried that it would all come to an end once the tournament was over. No matter how sad or distant it made you feel, you always welcomed the fire demon into your arms and into your heart whenever he made his presence known. Life was too short to waste time worrying about a future that might never come. Not when you already had everything you wanted in your arms.

Despite having made it all the way back home, you were pleasantly surprised when his affections didn’t stop then.

He still needed to see you. Still needed you in his arms. Still needed your lips and hips pressed against his. There was no one else but him. There was no one else but you. It was a bit hard to define the limits, but Hiei seemed to understand what you were. You were his. And he was yours. And that was enough for a demon from another world to understand.

Moments alone were easier to come by after the tournament. Hiei would seek you out whenever he felt like it, and the others were occupied with going back into the daily routines they held before. So when the team was called back together for another mission, you two were a bit out of practice in the sneaking around department.

The gang had been around each other almost every second during the last few days.

No alone time. No stolen kisses or quick pecks, not while the others were present and within sight. And every moment that Hiei had to go without your touch was another moment of growing agitation.

Kuwabara finally dozes off laying on the living room floor. The lights are dim in his family room, everyone had been strategizing hard for the next mission. Yusuke stretches his legs in front of him from where he leans against the couch, getting lost staring at the screen of his phone. Kurama stands stiffly before excusing himself for a light walk around the neighborhood.

You lock eyes with Hiei.

He gets up and disappears further into the house. You wait a few minutes. Eyes darting between the two boys in the room. Both tired and both not paying any attention. You finally stand and follow Hiei into an empty bedroom.

The room is dark, and the door closes behind you before your eyes even adjust to the darkness and register his presence.

It's his hand at your waist you recognize before finally meeting his crimson gaze. Your hand naturally drifts up to his cheek, cupping his face the way you've done dozens of times before.

He doesn't say anything. Doesn't need to. Not when his body already fills the silence. I need you. I miss you. I need you closer. I need your touch...

When his lips finally press against yours, his kiss is heated and desperate and heavy with wanting. Wasting no time to slip his tongue into your mouth, exploring your familiar taste and claiming you the way he had been dying to for so many days in a row.

Click.

The doorknob clicks open and the door bumps into the wall as it swings open. "Oh my god."

Hiei had instinctively gripped you tighter at the sound, pulling you close with one arm as his other hand gripped the handle of his sword.

A move which he instantly regretted, given the sight.

"Oh my god!" Yusuke points with a devilish grin, laughing at the unexpected discovery, "Are you two dating?! Hiei, you dog!"

Hiei grimaces at the detective's discovery. His grip on you only slightly loosening as he turns to threaten Yusuke. "Shut up you idiot."

"Oh my god, how did we not notice?! How long has this been going on for?!"

The discovery is entertaining enough for Yusuke to go on and on, only for Kuwabara to wake up and barge in and the entire secret is exposed. On the one hand, it's a bit of relief that you two won't have to sneak around the gang anymore. On the other, it's a relentless barrage of jokes and euphemisms while the two dummies come to terms with the discovery. At least Hiei won't be as agitated during the team meetings anymore, if he somehow manages not to kill one of them before the night's over.

©️sadisticyouko | please do not plagiarize, repost, or redistribute in any way without permission.

[battleslippers]

y is drake dogging on kendrick for getting molested ohhh that. that's not..

[spaceratprodigy]

Ooh palettes 🥰 Jasper and Faith in either Malabar squirrel or cherry pie?

@darkfire1177 — [ palette prompts ]

✨ The Unplanned Variables ✨

[hella1975]

car seat headrest ‘this sucks so bad 😂’ to ‘this sucks so bad 😐’ pipeline claims another victim

[here-comes-the-moose]

Okay so do you ever randomly think about things you said or did after a little (or a lot of) alcohol was involved? Well, here are some of mine that I think could potentially be the Bad Batch (minus Omega because not only is she a kid and that alone made me uncomfortable, but she reminds me too much of my little sister). I put it under the cut since one of the things is a bit crass (I was going to add something more crass that I said for Hunter but then remembered something else and thought it fit Hunter more than the initial thing)

Hunter- Made out with and grinded on someone in the middle of a club at a Greek Life event

Wrecker- Danced on several elevated surfaces while passionately singing along to the music. May or may not have almost fallen a few times. (Tied with accidentally blowing something up in the microwave)

Tech- “Here’s the thing about the Cold War…” *proceeds to go on a very very long and detailed rant that attracts the attention of other people at the function; gets misinterpreted as me having rizz*

Crosshair- Got extremely bitchy due to insecurities being amplified by the effects of alcohol and then ended the night by crying over being bitchy while eating McDonald’s and refusing any attempts at comforting

Echo- “This isn’t a porno, why the fuck are they dickriding so hard?” (I was talking about some politicians and their supporters)

[etoilesombre]

[re flint talking to the maroon queen in 3.5] ok it fucking sucks, but this is how solidarity works a lot of the time. white man proposes widespread slave revolts for his own tactical reasons, and then afterward grows to give a care while working toward his own ends. it doesn't make the caring not genuine, but wow that is clearly the trajectory.

[i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky]

after the AA scene, i think now it's established that klaus wasn't *sober* in s4 possession scene?

[angesaurus]

It’s not a huge deal because it wasn’t like I was this big drinker, I just didn’t like how it made me feel especially the last time I drank, but today is 1 year with no alcohol and that feels pretty good!!