#and i do realize that changing the saturation that much does Take Away a lot from the Vibe of the place too

[evilwy]

About Rentz 🐍🔗

(3/3)

(I apologize in advance for any typos or mistakes, I'm dyslexic, thanks for understanding)

Most important thing I think it's worth saying that when he wakes up on nautiloid, Rentz remembers absolutely nothing, not even his name. There is no despair, no pain, no anger, they come later, there is only emptiness and a feeling of cold at the beginning.

Fear appears almost immediately from the ringing emptiness in his head, from the realization that he exists. Bruises on the body respond with pain when he trying to move, and anger flares up when a silhouette appears in front of him. His mind, like an open wound, itches and bleeds, he can't utter anything but... help.. me... This is what their meeting with Lae'zel actually looks like, he meets her first.

Rentz is a soldier, all his life he carries out orders that he cannot disobey. He's wise and observant. Knows a lot, but doesn't want to share it with anyone. Rentz watches distantly most of the time, not wanting to attract too much attention. Authority is important to him, he only follows orders. Rentz himself does not want to take the place of a leader of the group and it even scares him a bit.

The whole path of Rentz is saturated with such a strong enveloping dread. Everything he does is connected to it, but what he's afraid of, he cannot understand. And a bit later, a caustic whisper of savagery begins to seep out of the emptiness of consciousness. At first it's easy to ignore it, but it develops into a mad scream of a thousand voices that seems to drive him crazy. Rentz doesn't sleep at night when the screams get louder, he doesn't understand and is afraid of this. Afraid of his disgusting desires to maim, harm, massacre, slaughter.

TW: BLOOD

No one in group asks his name right away, they're just satisfied that he's on their side, and when the question does sound, it hangs in ringing silence. He doesn't know. And the fingers involuntarily begin to tremble. He subsequently finds his "own" name in a randomly found note, where initials are written in a neat handwriting in the lower corner of the paper. "Rentz" is his name now.

It's like there's no empathy inside Rentz, and there's too much of it to the point of nausea. Initially, he kills out of supreme pity, as it seems to him. "Faerun is too cruel to everyone, I'm ready to put you out of your misery," he thinks and is afraid that he won't be able to stop.

Later, so much anger remains inside him that he can choke on it, it retreats only after the murders, the veil slides from his eyes and there remains a void that is filled only by pain and violence.

(cw: not major spoilers)

During Alfira's murder, he sees Astarion and realizes that he's lying about his nature, Astarion in turn sees him and this knowledge unites them in the thought "I am a monster". For a while, they're like two predators baring their teeth at each other, but do not dare to attack, and later in their hatred of the world they find similarities in each other.

(Til'em is a character of @virgil-630 , later the two of them will have an affair with Astarion)

Rentz has a complicated relationship with Til'em, he dreams of squeezing his neck until it crunches from the first meeting, and this is more a personal dislike, not a dark temptation. In one of his outings, he tries to kill Til', but something prevents him and at the last moment Rentz changes his mind.

He begins to see in Til'em something more than just a leader of a group much later.

Til'em skillfully plays on Rentz's sense of abandonment, his deep desire to be accepted, to be normal. He skillfully presses all the levers of Rentz's soul, even though it takes him lots of time, and he opens up to Til'em like an abandoned child who doesn't trust anyone because instead of hugs he is afraid to get a slap in the face. Who closed himself off from everyone so as not to hurt what little of a person was left in him and pushed it so deep inside that he no longer believes that anyone can love him.

[btower3689]

Natures of Celestials 2/2

Read my last post here for context or die.

Let's continue.

Manifestation through Visible Light

This can mean a couple things. In our world, celestial entities usually only appear as visual light when they are putting a great deal of energy into being visible. Even the lower end of the visual light spectrum requires more energy than radio or microwaves to manifest in our dimension. Basically, because this range of frequencies is comparably smaller than the rest of the EM spectrum, you will only ever be able to physically see an angel or daemon in the visual light spectrum if they really really want you to.

Lesser spirits often manifest as hazy, less opaque white lights.

Lesser Spirits

Full body apparitions are considered quite rare for all spirits, but especially Higher Angels, Gods and Daemons. However, when they truly want to appear in this way, they can be quite vivid. 

Unnatural (Supernatural) lights

Longer wavelengths mean less energy, higher wavelengths mean more energy. In the context of celestials, angels and daemons that have an extremely high vibration will appear to have a melam that is coloured on the higher (shorter) end of the spectrum (violets, indigos, and blues), whereas, an entity with a lower (longer) vibration will appear on the lower end of the spectrum (reds, oranges, and yellows).

Therefore, if we know what color a celestial corresponds to, we can get a general idea as to how fast their vibration is and by extension how “high" the entity is. In reality, the light itself has no color, but luckily for us, the human eye is able to distinguish between these wavelengths in the form of color. 

Most Lower Gods would rather opt to appear in the mindscape realm of the practitioner, (in the practitioner’s head) than to literally appear in the physical world, but it does happen on occasion. Entities will manifest in colors corresponding to their wavelength in the mindscape as well.

Unnatural highly saturated colored light

When humans are overwhelmed with too much colorful information, our eyes see it as static. Entities can induce static by presenting as rapidly changing jumbled light rays, usually for the purpose of preventing a human from observing them. This can be malevolent or benevolent. Angels usually employ this as a defense mechanism to protect a practitioner’s eyesight when they are nonconsensually summoned, due to it usually prompting them to look away. Seeing static in only one section of your vision is a good sign that an entity is standing there and is uncomfortable in your presence. 

Static Entities

Daemons are commonly known to absorb light rather than emitting it like angels do, not sparing any energy but rather keeping it all to themselves. Because of this, some lower entities (shadow people) may appear to be shrouded in darkness and many daemons are not associated with any color other than red (the longest, lowest wavelength) or blackness itself.

Dark Entities

Manifestation through Ultraviolet Light 

This is a higher form of energy that is usually reserved for higher hotter entities and serves as another good reason why angels and daemons could not coexist with us in our world. 

Because angels and daemons are incredibly hot burning, their temperature is high enough to let the electrons acquire that amount of energy that is necessary for them to let out UV rays. This is one of the bigger reasons it is generally impossible for normal humans to look directly at angels in their truest form, just like looking directly at the Sun, this will cause blindness and extreme health defects. On our planet most UV rays are luckily absorbed by our atmosphere. However, if an angel was to manifest fully in the material world, the entirety of humanity would have no protection from these rays as they would greatly overwhelm the atmosphere, leading to the development of severe cancers, and ultimately the decimation of most life on Earth. 

To celestials, however, these rays are more or less inconsequential and do little harm. Higher energy UV rays affect lower spirits and are often used against them. 

Magical Manifestation in the form of UV radiation in our modern world is exceedingly rare and would only be employed by high entities to cause harm to living things- which is something they tend not to do. 

They may, on the other hand, utilize UV rays to be absorbed into plants if they want their energy to be harbored within the physical realm, in a way giving them a very limited physical form similar to that of a human host, but with fewer capabilities. Old Gods often did this with plants during the Ordovician period. Due to climate change and human influence, this form of manifestation is seldom used in today’s world.

Manifestation through X Rays and Gamma Radiation 

We’ll combine these two as the most energetic forms of radiation an entity may present in as, and most destructive. X and Gamma Rays differ in wavelength but serve the same purpose for celestials. 

This is almost never observed as a form of manifestation in our world and is more or less irrelevant from a practitioner’s sandpoint. However, these energy forms are very significant in the ethereal realm and the ways that celestials interact with each other. 

On smaller scales against lower enemies, angels emit x and gamma rays to overpower lower spirits and daemons. This is usually fatal to lower spirits who cannot withstand the incredible levels of radiation. Cruelty.  

Angels and daemons can also employ the use of extremely high frequency waves like x and gamma rays to aggress each other. A celestial with enough energy can weaponize nearly unlimited levels of x and gamma radiation to cause harm to their brethren if they choose to. This is due to a process that is very similar to the method used for gravitational force but to a far more intense degree. Higher Angels and Daemons can gather their mass to such an infinitely small point that their gravitational pull creates a black hole, the event of which will generate an Accretion Disk. 

These blazing disks of Primordial Material can literally be used as weapons against other massive celestial beings as they emit near infinite levels of ionizing radiation which has the ability to denature and break down other celestials, energizing them to such a degree that they cannot contain themselves. Their information is corrupted and forced apart, ending their consciousness. Final Death. 

A Lower God (left) obliterating angel (right) with x & gamma rays

Celestials aggressing each other in this way usually do not interact beyond their event horizons, as it would force their matter to merge which is a risky affair for both parties. Celestial beings cannot merge consciousness, and the force of both celestial’s gravity is usually far too great to be resisted by one entity alone. The information cannot be reused, and is considered irretrievable as the two consciousnesses are doomed to infinitely collapse into each other. Absolute Death. 

A Mistake

Rather, celestials weaponize the extreme levels of radiation emitted from their Accretion Disk, never actually coming into close enough contact with each other to merge, but causing irreparable damage to their opponent. This takes unfathomable levels of energy and extreme attunement into their own gravity as, without absolute and total control, an angel runs the risk of being unable to resist the pull of their own gravity and will be stuck in this state indefinitely until they eventually evaporate. 

Two Angels in Combat

Higher Angels make the conscious decision not to absorb the energy of another celestial into their singularity because it is a violation of Angelic Law. However, there have been many instances of Gods absorbing angels and other Gods, literally adding their energy to their consciousness. With enough energy and gravity, celestials can force other celestials to become a part of their consciousness, effectively killing them and recycling their materials. This is the driving force behind the Celestial War. 

Manifestation through Mechanical Energy  

Existence in the form of motion. The celestial manifests as motion itself and interacts with an object or person for a very short amount of time in the form of a push or pull. This form of energy is invisible but observable in the ways it affects the world around it, similar to sound energy. This requires a great amount of energy and is usually a very quick and single motion. With more energy an entity may be able to move multiple objects at once. 

This is one of the more common ways daemons will manifest, usually in the form of an impact, such as throwing objects across the room, slamming doors, and banging on walls. Human spirits that have recently passed are more talented at manifesting in mechanical energy than non-human spirits like fairies because they are literally closer to the material plane. So even though this operation takes immense energy, the distance it must travel is comparably shorter than it would be from an angel, daemon or fairy, meaning human spirits (ghosts) often manifest in this way.

Collective angels do not usually employ the use of mechanical energy as a form of manifestation unless it is natural of their function. For example, certain Angels of the Natural World like Angels of Wind may use mechanical energy in mundane situations over forces of nature. 

Mediums may employ this form of manifestation by allowing an entity or spirit to move a part of their body, usually their hand, to communicate in writing. (This is distinctly different from an extremetal possession, which is when an entity takes full control of the energy in a person's limb). In a ritual setting, a practitioner may be compelled to dance and move in specific ways - or be moved by an entity in a specific way- in summoning. 

In the ethereal world, celestials use high levels of mechanical energy to aggress lower spirits, rotating their matter to such an insanely high degree that they reach their maximum possible rotations per minute and ultimately explode or evaporate.

Manifestation through Electrical Energy 

In the natural world, high celestials may manifest as natural lightning under the right conditions. Unnatural lightning conjured directly from the celestial does not require the use of mechanical energy to manifest. Only specific celestials of a certain nature can conjure lightning in the ethereal world, unnatural lightning in all forms is reserved only to them. 

Manifestation through natural lightning is a high level technique reserved for high entities as it involves the use of mechanical energy creating static in the atmosphere which is then converted into electrical energy in the form of lightning. Therefore, the celestial does not conjure the lightning itself, but rather conjures the means to possess lightning. 

Extremetal Possessions are performed by taking control of the electrical energy already present in a person’s limbs. Consistent contact with High Angels is known to create neurological side effects.  

Celestials are also able to be contained within any electrical circuit, but manifest far better at higher voltage. Celestials are known to make lights flicker and often overwhelm flashlights and other simple electrical devices. If you find yourself within a high entity’s Zone you can expect simple electrical devices to malfunction.

In the ethereal world, similar to X and Gamma Rays, celestials can and often do use electricity as a means to aggress other entities, usually lesser spirits that can be extinguished through intense shocks. 

Manifestation through Sound Energy 

This is also considered a high level technique because it requires the use of mechanical energy. Higher amplitude requires more energy to manifest. Entities may utilize longitudinal waves to communicate, vibrating air particles in a specific way to be detected by humans or other creatures. The use of sound waves can also be used to harm or heal humans and other entities. Animals like dogs and cats are often able to observe entities in these forms of sound when humans cannot. 

Infrasound

This is below the human range of hearing and occurs naturally on Earth in many forms like earthquakes as well as from man made sources. Large animals like whales use Infrasound to communicate. While these sounds may at times be used to communicate with these animals, they are usually used by celestials to intimidate humans. 

In humans, sounds in this frequency can cause vertigo, imbalance, intolerable sensations, incapacitation, disorientation, nausea, vomiting, bowel spasm; and resonances in inner organs, such as the heart. Giddiness, vomiting, loss of consciousness, and blindness may afflict you. 

When people suddenly get an immense feeling of dread or feel sickly during hauntings and rituals, it may be because an entity is weaponizing infrasound against them. Many Old Daemons utilized infrasound to cause mass hysteria in the past. 

In the ethereal world, at a high enough amperage, infrasound can be used to harm nonhuman lower spirits, effectively extinguishing them. 

Audible Spectrum 

Different audio frequencies have different effects on humans. Daemons have often been known to use sound to deceive humans and lead them to danger. Ex: Hearing a scream or a baby crying with no source.

In the same way that infrasound can cause health defects in humans, different audible sound frequencies can aid and heal humans. More energy is required to heal than to harm. Benevolent entities may manifest as specific frequencies to help practitioners during magical operations. Different frequencies can aid in different things from improving focus to raising self esteem. Healing Angels often manifest in these same frequencies. 

High Daemons may utilize sound frequencies in their Enn, a mysterious chant that a practitioner uses to attune themselves to an entity’s realm. Angels are known to manifest in music. 

White Noise 

White noise contains all frequencies across the spectrum of audible sound in equal measure. To humans, white noise is to sound what static is to light, and is used by celestials for a similar function. 

While static is often used to disorient humans, white noise is used to subdue them. White noise is effective at blocking out all other sounds, which is effective at relaxing humans as the brain focuses on the jumbled information. In ritual settings this can aid in achieving a trance like state. Entities can manifest as white noise to affect sleep patterns and generally induce tiredness in humans. Different forms of white noise, such as pink noise, may also be used. 

Ultrasound 

In the material world ultrasound has little effect on humans, but celestials can use this energy at high enough levels to heal lesser spirits. Angels and Daemons often use ultrasound to offer spiritual healing to humans. 

Manifestation through Chemical Reaction  

In the material world, this form of manifestation requires the most expertise as it is actually the use of potential energy in material objects as it is converted into other forms. It is less convenient for this reason, because the specific materials needed are unique and may not always be present. Chemical reactions are a means to achieve manifestation through the use of the material world. This gives power to Entities of Alchemy.

The rearrangement of electrons in a chemical reaction is what allows the entity to manifest. In this way, a summoning for an entity that mainly exists in the energy conjured by chemicals may look more like a scientific operation than a spell. 

Entities that correspond to Fire also utilize this method of manifestation. Heat reacts with fuel and oxygen and causes fire to bloom. The fire we can see is a result of this chemical reaction, as this energy is used it produces heat and light. The amount of available energy affects how the fire looks and how entities manifest. Most celestials can possess fire in the material world. In ritual settings entities often require that candles be lit to increase their presence. 

A celestial may demand a specific element or chemical be combined or react with another in their summoning. Usually these are base elements that cannot be broken down into smaller parts (on the periodic table). 

Smaller chemical reactions (such as the striking of a match) may be used during a magical operation, but the use of specific elements themselves is what defines this form of manifestation. Entities that employ chemical manifestation have a deep relationship with Alchemy. 

In the context of psychedelics and drugs in general, chemicals that alter the brain’s chemistry can also be employed in summoning rituals. It is worth noting that there are entities that reside in these psychedelic spectrums that can be contacted through the use of mind altering substances. Some rituals may even consider it a mandatory step in the magical operation. 

LSD God

Higher entities that manifest in psychic spaces like realms can utilize the chemical energy generated by the human mind to attune them to their realm. Both angels and daemons can interact with humans in dreams. 

In magical relationships, Entities of Illusion can interact with humans through hallucinations when the practitioner is in a trance. The daemon will not have to physically manifest in the material realm but will be perceived in great vividity by the human. This is the closest angels can legally get to possession. 

Possession 

With all this considered, a possession can be understood as a high level two-step manifestation of the chemical and electrical energy generated by a human or animal brain. This can only be achieved after overpowering a human’s identity and establishing full domination of their mindscape. 

Daemon’s must first drive the host to such a point of hysteria and madness that they are unable to discern reality from fiction. In this disoriented state, Daemons can convince the human consciousness that they are one being. The human then allows the Daemon to take dominance over the functions of the body. This is a parasitic relationship. The Daemon has full access to the human’s memories and has the ability to alter or delete them. 

Energy must be maintained at a constant state. Too little will allow the human to take back dominance, too much will fry their components.

Daemons however, unlike Chimera, cannot truly merge consciousness with humans, therefore the death of the human spirit will result in the death of the entity as it presents in the material world.

Death cleans the information of all energy. The greater entity will not die in the ethereal realm but may be severely injured. Daemons can opt to end the possession before death, but the human will be more resistant to possessions in the future. The Daemon will then have to go through the process of dominating a human soul with a new host. For this reason possessions are not very attractive to Daemons.

Collective Angels do not possess humans as it is a violation of Angelic Law.

Okay, I think this post is long enough. This may seem extremely meticulous but these posts really do help me think through the mechanics of the entities and how they relate to us in our world. In my next posts I might go more into the dynamics between witches and entities and psychics because I’m still spotty on those subjects. Thanks for exploring my weird reality with me. X 

[flightofaqrow]

[hair]

physical features ** accepting @lacrimcrum and @eiiskonigin asked: [hair] because they know my weaknesses and enable me like the sweetest enablers, and what do u mean Winter helped him preen.

first things first, if you read nothing else, know this:

qrow identifies as human, but he is also a shapeshifter, and a long-term by-product of this magic is that functionally he has become a faunus. in his mid-twenties he developed a uropygial (preening) gland at the base of his skull, and the hair on his head started acting like feathers.

he still has human strands of hair. if you touch it, it feels the same, parts the same way to comb through it, sheds the same way, is going gray the same way, but it behaves like feathers. it lies on his head in feathered pieces and parts and layers and patterns, and the strands of those parts move together like feathers. they shift over each other, they bounce, they slide back into place if you try to pull them apart or style them differently, and yes,

they floof up if he gets startled or excited.

the way his 'feathers' shift in the wind (or, don't, as above) also lets it 'talk to him.' bird instincts might kick in about happenings within a certain radius or weather changes.

the oil gland means he has to preen or he will be miserable. his scalp and hair will be extra oily in some places and extra dry in others, acne, dandruff, the works. especially during molt seasons. if he does keep up with it, and you can catch it in the right light, you might notice a deep burgundy, opalescent sheen.

Bartholomew Oobleck, as a hummingbird faunus with similar traits, first recognized this and taught him how to take care of it.

it also means water/rain will bead off of it, giving him some weather resistance. it takes extra time and some friction in the shower to get it to saturate before it finally falls out of style and he can wash it like normal hair.

this is the part he often worries people will catch on to, if he's out in the rain or sharing a shower with someone. strangely enough, people don't really notice things they don't expect. or they rationalize it away. qrow's character designer said that they didn't want him to look like he gives too much of a damn. rwby chibi Tai said, mocking qrow, 'look at my messy hair that i spend an hour every day styling.' i trust the designer more. qrow's hair does that on its own and Tai doesn't have a clue, because he doesn't realize there's been a change from the messy mane qrow he first met.

how else do you spend an entire day out in the rain and still have perfect hair? products could never.

(did anything like this happen to Raven? he doesn't know, these things started showing up after she left. but the bird-like movements she has in vol 4 seem to suggest so.)

(the only time he thinks about his faunus-ness is when he sees a sign prohibiting entry of them, and can mentally, well, flip it the bird, since he's human on paper and passes enough to get away with going wherever he wants.)

okay, onto the full story:

qrow grew up with the typical unruly black Branwen mane, though more manageable since he kept it short. it was shaggier and unstyled when he started at Beacon, curling both around and away from his neck and ears with lots of cowlicks.

he cut it shorter, a more 'polished' look, once he returned to beacon for second year, following his first summer back with the Branwen tribe. this was a private and personal shift, a symbol of not wanting to do that back and forth ever again, a cutting of ties from the tribe and desire to fit in with more 'sophisticated' and 'professional' society.

it slowly grew into its current style after receiving his magic. it used to be a cottony kind of soft, but became more slippery and silky. it fluffed out, found it's pieces, and formed into that point on the back of his head, around the gland. he couldn't change it anymore, no matter how much he tried. it wouldn't grow any longer. it wouldn't hold a different style. he could cut it, but it would return rather quickly to what it was before, or change right back as soon as he shifted in and out of his real feathers.

at least preening became the only maintenance he had to worry about.

he never really had the genes for a full thickness beard, though he could have tried before his magic. but he kept clean-shaven until then. ever since, his facial hair isn't feathers, but similarly became resistant to change, even when he got away from a lot of self-care. he has his jawline beard and that's all he can grow. it's sparse, but the hairs are long enough to be soft, stringy things, most of the time. he does have to keep up around the inner edges and his upper lip or he will get some scratchy stubble. he will use literally anything that's around for this. modern razor, safety razor, cutthroat razor, dagger, clean edge utility knife, y'know. bandit life taught him to use all manner of blades. chronic babyface. old man nose and ear hair hasn't noticeably caught up to him yet, but in the future who knows.

his body hair follows this same pattern, stringy, soft, present, but not in bushes. he has chest hair, thickest in the middle of his chest and thinning out over his pectorals, and down to a line which connects to his lower belly and a happy trail which again is thick in the center and spreads and thins out across the front of his abdomen. every day, average arrangement of armpit and pubic hair. all black, all beginning to gray in current timeline.

[writing-by-stormy]

Using Other Creative Mediums to Improve your Writing

(Obligatory do not plagiarize disclaimer!! Inspiration is good, copying is just lazy)

Recently I’ve been trying to improve my writing, primarily my descriptions of things like setting and body language, and a lot of writing cheat sheets and advice just wasn’t cutting it. It wasn’t bad—and actually gave me a place to start—but I felt like something was missing. However while practicing I was hit with an idea and it actually helped me quite a lot so I hope someone finds some use it in too :]

Here’s some ideas I came up with, however this is by no means an exhaustive list and honestly it’s up to you to decide what is and isn’t helpful for you, as everyone thinks and creates differently.

1. Photography/Art

This is the one I started off with. I’m a very visual person and was really struggling with setting a tone when it came to the descriptions of my settings. I could technically paint the picture but not well, and it would really slow down the story rather than adding to it as intended. This is where artwork and photography came in, I realized that (at least from how I approach it) the ways an artist conveys mood, tone, and meaning wasn’t all that different than how I was trying to. They were creating a literal visual representation of an image they saw, and I was trying to get others to imagine what I was imagining. So I compiled a collection of photos and artwork that really resonated with me and started studying exactly why. Here’s some things I did that I found useful:

Compiling images based off subject and/or setting (I.e. forests, the ocean, desert, etc.) and comparing and contrasting them. If all your images are of a river, then what common themes do they share? What’s different? What’s the difference between a tranquil river and a harsh, dangerous one (outside of just the obvious). How do different things in the environment contribute to or take away from the focus that you’ve placed on the river? Do any of them have a different mood? Create a different atmosphere? Are there any you like more and why?

Compiling images based off mood/themes. This one really helped me notice the subtle details that contributed to tone such as how vast or crowded a scene is, where the photographer/artist chooses to emphasize, etc. when it comes to this you could compare and contrast too, or if you want something more challenging you could try listing what every detail contributes to the overall image, as well as what (if anything) could’ve been left out without changing much.

pretending you had the power to change their appearance. say you’re working with a picture of a lake, what would change if you wanted to add an island in it? Would the island be the new focus or not? How much detail could you add before it became over saturated? How much could you remove before it became uninteresting? If the picture was taken during the day, how would the way you describe/imagine it change during the night?

Writing down the context you get from the image, as well as trying to imagine your own. Say you’re working with the image of a gorgeous meadow, and in the background are some awe inspiring mountains. Can you tell based off the image whether it’s remote or not? If it is, what about the setting changes? Is it harder to reach? Are the trails and roads overgrown, barely visible, or so old and rocky cars can’t pass over them? How far would you say civilization is? What would bring someone there? What might happen if there was a sudden influx of people in the area, would it be overrun with tourism? Would they establish a settlement and if so what resources would they have? Is the remoteness part of what makes it beautiful—like a nice vacation from society—or does it create a feeling of isolation?

2. TV Shows/Movies/Animation

There’s a few more options for this category considering it in and of itself is a form of creative writing. Honestly there’s endless inspiration to be found in your favorite shows and movies, so in turn there’s endless opportunities for learning from them. Here’s just a few I came up with

Writing dialogue. Does your character have to small talk their way out of an awkward situation but you’re struggling to convey the discomfort? Do you want to write an inspiring monologue but aren’t sure how to go about it? Want to give characters a distinct voice and speech patterns but can’t think up your own? Luckily there’s nearly endless scenes to use as a reference for your dialogue difficulties!

Learning about body language/character quirks/behavior. This is what I like most about shows and movies, because every single thing about how a character acts is unique to them. You can read all the lists you want but its different when you get to watch how it actually looks on a person.

Watch something you don’t like and make a list of reasons why you don’t like it as well as what you’d change about it if you were one of the people writing/producing it. Anything from the delivery of lines to the way the camera is angled could provide insight into what elements of a story you value the most.

Getting to see character traits in the flesh. This is especially helpful for certain characteristics that a lot of writers tend to get wrong, such as charisma, being humorous, manipulative, etc. It can be helpful to study these traits and read up about them on your own, especially if that’s how you absorb your information, but a persons personality affects the way they move through the world and interact with others, and sometimes it can help to witness this for yourself.

Chose a detail to change, and brainstorm the ways it would change the story. If the heroes mother never dies, would he have the motivation to leave the house? If the protagonist didn’t have their sidekick(s), would they come out on top as often as they do? If they weren’t bound by their love for their childhood sweetheart, how much sooner would they have left to pursue their dreams? What if the main trio grew up in the city rather than a small town, would their struggles be different?

Other/Miscellaneous:

also known as the ideas that don’t fit into the other categories, fit into more than one, or that I struggled to come up with enough ideas to make them categories of their own.

You can compare and contrast the ways stories have been adapted across different mediums. Things such as the anime adaptation of your favorite manga, the live action version of an animated movie, etc.

Compare and contrast different interpretations of the same trope or story (Ex: different Mentor characters or different adaptations of Beauty and the Beast)

Listen to a fiction/anthology/storytelling podcast and pay attention to the ways they establish a scene solely through audio and dialogue

Watch a live performance and pay attention to the use of props, costumes, and actions to tell a story

Play a video game and think about how you’d go about describing it, as well as how context changes the way you’d go about that. How would you describe Minecraft as your setting? If your main character wasn’t from that blocky world what would they focus on the most? Alternatively, if they were from Minecraft how would you go about describing things that would seem odd to us but not to them? Would the graphics and mechanics of the game reflect over into that reality too?

Happy writing, I hope there was something of value to be gained from this and that you have a lovely day/night <3

[jamesheartupdates]

6 months and many breakdowns later... surgery is rescheduled

TL;DR: Surgery is now scheduled for Wednesday, February 21, 2024. James will have pre-op the day before. We'll keep updating here as we can!

The longer version...

Almost everything from the last post in August is still valid. It's still the third and final surgery for his "full repair" (called the "Fontan"). It's still not an "emergency" (although it does need to happen). And it's still happening at UVA hospital in Charlottesville (and we still live in Richmond, an hour away).

The biggest change is that James turned 4 in October! Also after having conversations with his cardiologist, the initial 2-4 week hospital recovery we were told to anticipate may be a little inflated. James is an all-star little patient and has recovered more quickly than average during his past two surgeries, so we're anticipating hospital recovery to be more around a week (or two, but you can never really know these things).

For a little background over the past several months, there have been many twists and turns since August. The August date was canceled due to low ICU staffing at the hospital. We planned again for October. We kept the boys out of daycare to prevent us from getting sick. We all got sick. We delayed surgery week by week as we continued to be sick. Then we decided to take a break from the madness as we entered into cold and flu season, and we would wait and try again in the spring.

It's not quite spring, but we're back at it again. We're anxious to have this surgery behind us, and we're hopeful James will feel relief for ailments he doesn't even realize he has (his oxygen saturation levels are in the low 80s currently, after surgery they'll be in the high 90s).

We took the boys out of daycare again and have been quarantining as much as possible in preparation for the surgery. It's important for James to not have an upper respiratory illness for the surgery and immediate recovery because his lungs need to be in tip top shape (something we didn't *fully* realize until our second attempt at the surgery in the fall).

The logistics, the considerations, the emotions, the stress — it's all a lot. We just keep telling ourselves and each other we're doing the best we can.

Here's what the next few days will look like:

We plan to tell James about the surgery today or tomorrow (the fun news is we also get to tell James he was accepted for Make A Wish, so he can choose something to look forward to after the surgery!).

Tuesday 2/20 we go to UVA for pre-op mid-morning to mid-afternoon (vitals, echo, blood draw, ultrasound, etc.), then we come home.

Wednesday 2/21 is surgery day, so Michael and I will take James SUPER EARLY to UVA. Surgery will be 6-8 hours (for those who this means anything to, it's a "beating heart" operation and he'll be on the pump for ~1-1.5 hrs). Michael and I have been in touch with the hospital about getting a room at the Ronald McDonald house — chances are it's full, and if it is, the hospital will provide a room at a hotel for us for 3 nights. Michael and I will be taking turns staying overnight with James at the hospital (they only let 1 adult overnight).

In the days that follow, someone will be with him around the clock (it's different having a newborn or 5 month old compared to a 4 year old!). He'll probably be in the ICU for a couple nights then go to the pediatric floor for the remaining days.

Another thing to note is that there are two heart transplant candidates that could move our surgery to Thursday or Friday, but the odds are still good that James's surgery will happen within the week. As long as we get through pre-op, surgery will definitely be within the week.

People have been asking how to support us, and most simply you can cheer us on however you prefer — thoughts, prayers, letters, song, dance, poem, etc. Some people have asked about meals, and we don’t have a meal train currently, but if you’d like to send an Uber Eats or Door Dash gift card or Venmo us (@ninarogers or @mikerogue) for a coffee, a meal or to just help with the extra costs that can come with traveling to and from the hospital and being out of our normal routine — that would be appreciated. Hopefully this will just be a short stint and not too disruptive for too long.

Last but not least, here are some cute pictures from the past few months 🥰 James is still our sweet, funny, sassy, spirited and curious little red head, and we love him so!

That's all for now! We'll post more (shorter) posts as we go. You can come here to stay updated!

Love, Nina (+ Michael, James & Gabe)

[109moons]

This Thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for. I cannot help but think of my Dad around Thanksgiving, it was his favorite holiday and the last one we spent together before he passed away. The holidays lead to depression and a lot of self induced isolation in the years following him leaving this earth, but I refuse to do that this year. It is not what he would have wanted for me.

Someone told me in the years after he died how he would be ashamed of me for not following a traditional path, whatever that means. How he would be so disappointed and embarrassed at my mistakes, at what I struggled with. I spent a long time carrying those words and believing them, down to my core. I punished myself. I cried more than any person should probably cry. I realize now how deeply untrue that statement was — my Father would never feel any shame for my failures. My Dad would just be proud that I had the strength to stand back up, and that now, I have learned to ask for help and let people love me again. I am not letting those cruel words dictate how I feel about myself anymore. I am worth more than that.

This year, I am grateful for my family. That sentence does not begin to cover how I feel - but yes, to put it minimally, I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for the community that rallied beside me at my weakest point and helped take care of my fur pets, my at home family. I am grateful for my health - and most surprisingly, I am grateful that my health went to hell and a hand basket. Previous to this, I did not comprehend the strength it takes to rebuild after hitting the bottom like I did. I thought I knew pain, and knew trauma. I didn’t. This isn’t meant to be a pity party for me - I just simply was faced with the fact that I had to make the decision to either be miserable and sick leading up to me dying, that was a really real possibility before my transplant, or if I wanted to see the beauty in the everyday and remind myself every day that the pain would pass. That I was made of tougher stuff than any diagnostic test, than anything my liver or lungs could throw at me. I looked at a framed picture of my Dad, a lot. And I was stronger than anything that was thrown at me, and I attribute that strength to my family that helped keep me strong.

I am grateful for the chance to talk about my experience in the hospital. I am grateful to be a voice for those with liver disease, diagnosed or undiagnosed. I am extremely grateful for the platform to talk about sobriety in an approachable way. I am so proud of the people who have reached out to me about their path with sobriety. I am grateful for 87 days sober, and a lifetime to go. I am grateful for my Frankenstein scar and all of the staples (61, I counted) that pieced me back together. I am grateful for the people I love sitting next to me through the night while I talked to them in my sleep about soup or tried to argue that I wasn’t sleeping, for braiding my hair, for advocating for me when I couldn’t speak up for myself. I am not grateful for grey hospital chicken, but I am grateful for Cracker Barrel French toast. I am so grateful for every damn mistake I have made to lead me to where I am today. I am grateful I tasted death and that brought me a passion to be an advocate for those people like me.

Upon being admitted to the emergency room on September 14th, my oxygen saturation was only 54%. I needed an emergency thoracentesis to drain my right lung, immediately. When the needle went into my ribs and into my lung, I saw my Dad sitting in a chair across from me. He told me he was here, it was going to be okay, and to breathe. I am grateful for that, I am grateful I saw his blue pen stained shorts, with his shirt sleeves rolled up, a hanky hanging out of his pocket, and New Balance shoes. My life is forever changed from September 14th, but I have gained so much more than I possibly could ever lose.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve.

[nickelstudy]

TOPIK II Review

It's been a while since the test has come out so I figure I should take the time to write about it before my memory fades away more than it does now.

Here is my 89th TOPIK II result!

As you can see, it's not a lot, and not up to my expectation either.. bUT it's pretty decent for the first-timer. A little salty that I could have got 4급 if I earned 2 more points.

Let's start from going there. The test location was a place I'd never been to, plus I had no one to escort me there so it was a pain going alone. It took only 21 Baht (around 0.6 USD) to get there. Pretty cheap!

The test location was a campus so when I arrived I was confused about where I should settle. I wound up at a cafeteria, seeing how it would rain soon (which I was correct hah!) I had lunch and prepared for the exam. I don't think I read any stuff at that point. My knowledge was pretty much saturated and couldn't intake any more words or grammar. Ok and so I walked out in the rain to get to the building where I would have a test. It didn't rain hard so it was alright.

SO, right when I entered the exam room, a Korean exam invigilator (i don't know the common term send help) asked me what my exam number was so that she could find my seat in Korean. The problem is I FORGOT MY NUMBER DESPITE REMEMBERING IT IN ADVANCE. What was worse is I had already turned off my phone so I couldn't look it up. So I answered shits like "번호를- 잊어버렸어요" See how i didn't even use a more polite form (lmfao). Anyway, she went and picked up a list of test examinees which contained everyone's faces... (im scared) but then I realized, it was in the test paper I brought along!

They didn't let us use our own stationery. These were what they gave.

A two-sided black marker. One side for writing and the other for filling a circle

That's it... wait... how am I gonna change my ans-

WELL You could ask for a correction tape that got shared around the room. Fun fact, I barely have experience using it so I was nervous about whether I would fuck it up or not.

Ok, enough nonsense. Let's talk about the test

Listening（듣기）

It was hard. I struggled a lot trying to understand the choices in one glance while listening to the conversation. There wasn't much to be said. I was so done at the 3rd or 4th question. I think if one space out for just 2 seconds, it's going to be hard to catch up, especially with an amateur like me.

Writing (쓰기)

The first two weren't that easy. It took a while to understand what they were about and I managed to fill in the answers.

Number 52 was talking about 갈증. I didn't know what it meant and I don't think they expected us to know either. (gotta figure it out by context amirite)

Quote from a conversation I had with my friend

"There was a part where it's about the sugar component in the juice would make the water inside your body go out or sth idk Because they mention 물이 빠져나가면 so I assume it's that But the problem is idk what to write exactly It's like sth sth 성분은 몸 안의 물이 (...). 빠져나가게 할 것이다?? 될 것이다??? I DON'T KNOW WHY WAS IT 물이 and not 물을 ??? or maybe I was stupid and I don't include the important part so you can't help me now Could it be 부족하게 instead? Idk"

For the 53th problem, I know how to space when writing in a Wongoji paper. BUT I forgot to NOT space after a period (it's a habit from Japanese). After 2 sentences I realized it and tried not to do it again but then I DID IT AGAIN. The content I wrote is decent, I belive. but the spacing...

The last one is about discovering talent, why is it good? How does one do it? I didn't have time to write it ofc. It was like 2 minutes left.

Reading (읽기)

I took too long at the start. Yes, it got progressively harder as I did. I was at the 33rd out of 50 when the time ran out. Nothing out of my expectations to be honest. So yes, I blind-guessed the rest and somehow got more than halves

Other stuff

So when they let us break after the writing section. I tried to go down stairs and get some air. The test was rough haha. They didn't let us go to the 1st floor! They even thought I was going to use a toilet lmfao.

Anyway, it was raining after everything ended. I walked a bit to get to the bus stop and headed back without buying any of the stuff there. End of the story.

Thank you for reading! It was super fun trying out the exam. I'm not going to take a test in the near future for sure because the price is costly. It's not my end goal either! I just want to understand what Korean artists write in their work.

After this (which is right now) I'm focusing more on JLPT N1. I'll write about my method and some updates soon.

[echonidae]

little uh.. redraw? i guess? of a screenshot of mission #7 from dishonored 2. (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) absolutely love that mission so much, and i love me a good ruined mansion ;v; this was great practice for painting and background stuff, though i don’t think i’d call it a study or anything :v

i’m a big fan of Very Saturated Colors so i couldn’t keep myself from adjusting the saturation before beginning, but here’s the og screenshot:

[sasorikigai]

[  UNSPOKEN  ] ( from modern icicle o o f )

“𝙄  𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀  𝙔𝙊𝙐"  𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙈𝙋𝙏𝙎.  (𝙎𝙁𝙒 𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉.) || @biiingbao || accepting

[  UNSPOKEN  ]:     after a third party (or the receiver themselves) asks if the sender is in love with the receiver, the sender goes silent, unwittingly admitting that they do love them in the process.

💥 || How often does he overuse the word, love? The original significance of the word has been diluted in generations of those with ephemeral and intangible feelings. But the word still means something so precious to those who have their hearts locked in the tightrope of chains and still awaiting their key. The choices Hanzo Hasashi make could reveal a lot about what aspect of his shall remain immortal; as he yearns to be filled with wholesome desire. For he had been crudely patched last two decades, metaphorically died too young, left his fucking heart out on a bookcase then forgotten. 

Commander Hasashi forgot to want himself and everything he grew into, wearing the somber darkness from inside as it would unconsciously exude beyond his being, the shadows that would hold his visage defiant and austere, as its force pulled him into Bi-Han. Maybe he had forgotten that his colleague held everything he ever wanted and feared, that he traded love for fear of plunging inevitably deep into his visceral emotions and intuitions, thus losing himself in the terrible beauty of his anguish. The inquiry hit him like lightning, sudden and bold, devastating in its wake, and Hanzo wished to be burned in it, however disorienting and unworldly it may have felt in his perturbed shock. 

“And you tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your lips more, tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake... You realize you cannot make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that,” for his eternal agony is terrifying, constrictive, and suffocating at times. Something not everyone knows how to deal with, and even Hanzo’s intimate familiarity with the waves of his grief - sometimes the calm lapping of water at his feet, but more often a sting of spray that beats relentlessly over and over - they still erode Hanzo’s heart to wear away to sand, or if he is lucky, the grief would return to the sea of sorrow and linger forever there, just quieter, but never losing its vigor. 

Beneath the sweeping illumination of the bar’s ambiance, the dance of the wildflowers flow through Hanzo Hasashi’s mind; how he longed to be a part of that fragrant dance. Through the colorful meadow, they could be so enamored and charmed by the sunbeam’s warm glow amidst the settled darkness and silence, kissing each familiar nooks and crannies of their faces. They may even drip in morning dew, basking in the rising sun as they saturate in dawn’s gentle hues, painted with the heated streaks of their sensuality. Perhaps sadness will not always contaminate every happiness that would encounter me, as I tried to stay away from happiness and happy people as much as I can, for I used to be the plague that happiness should avoid. Hanzo muses, as the depth of his dilated chestnut eyes hone towards Bi-Han’s, and settles there. 

Hanzo always has been impeccable in pinpointing the range of emotions, as he can finesse anything into sentences, but what used to be a remarkable feat now corners him in the dualistic impasse. The proverbial sun of his warmth reaches his chiseled cheekbones, as the sinking gravity of his propped elbows remain its exalted self, and provides no reprieve as he takes a long guzzle of his liquor, as if giving himself life through change in spirit and deed. “I am not at all indifferent or unaware of the fact that you deserve not to solely need me, but have me as well. I also am not foolish to disregard that both of our hearts understand that there is no turning back. How terribly romantic of you to say that you are here with reason, with cause, with no wish to be anywhere else. I am here, and I will be in your proximity should you require my being.”  💥 ||

[karezzasstuff]

From the project of interviewing Stanley S. Bass about his experiences with Karezza techniques, The Life Science Publishing created the 2008 book Energy-Karezza. Here Dr. Bass tells the story of how, in his 30’s, he was on his way to become a celibate yogi through Brahmacharya, when he learned about reaching the same spiritual goal via Karezza & Tantra. He decided to try Karezza instead.

Even though his personal goal was spiritual, Dr. Bass soon discovered that women loved Karezza, and couldn’t get enough. When he started teaching the improved Energy-Karezza method to couples with marital problems, the results were astounding. Usually, within weeks, the couple had fallen in love again. Problematic marriages healed, becoming more and more harmonious and stronger with time.

Over time, over 50+ years, he not only gained experience concerning every aspect of Karezza/Tantra, but also – thanks to his energy-understanding, being an orthopathic doctor – developed an improved, more powerful & easy-to-learn, version. Traditional “Karezza/Tantra” can be difficult for men, but “Energy-Karezza/Tantra” is easy, and also gives more pleasure & prolongation..

INTRODUCING OTHERS TO KAREZZA

Karezza is about one thing, the man has to control himself. It is so easy. I got so good at this control that I soon was able to go almost a whole year with no accidents. With very heavy sex - three times a week, four hours each session. It didn't take long to get to a high level of proficiency.

In a few months I was very good at it already.

It is very simple, it is natural. It is not difficult. Prove it for yourself, don't take my word for it. Try it out. The first time I heard about it, it was strange to me, so I tried it. It didn't take me long to get good at it. It was easier than I thought. In fact, I taught Karezza to a lot of friends, and everyone had success.

If one of them asked me, "how do I know if it will work?", I gave him a simple method of trying it. I usually said, "why don't you first try:

1. Don't have an orgasm quickly, but wait until the woman is finished, until she has had her enjoyment. Practice holding back for half an hour, for an hour, for several hours, if you can.

2. Then you'll see that your own orgasms are better; they are more enjoyable.

3. Also try having an orgasm only every other time you have sex.

Skipping one time. Every other time, try without orgasm. See how you feel."

With my sex students, those were my instructions, to begin with. These instructions summarize basic traditional Karezza. But these simple instructions could still be difficult for some men. They lost control (ejaculated) early, and were never able to do Karezza for a full hour.

Therefore, to make it easier, I gave my students some Energy-Karezza secrets. I asked them to improve their diet, and to avoid alcohol and all drugs. I told them not to eat before sex, because a man can not control himself after he has eaten. Why? Because then too much blood goes to the stomach.

Also, I gave very detailed instructions on the best movements in sex. I told them to move slowly, and explained how to move, so they wouldn't get too excited, e.g. sideways, in semicircles, avoiding the in-out moves.

For the premature ejaculators, I told them to give up salt, and to not use anything spicy hot, avoid hot peppers, stay away from spices, because this throws them out of control. And then I told them to use certain motions, slow motions, that makes it easy to control oneself. That's all.

Then the women will get the pleasure, because the men are controlling themselves.

For some men the pleasure was so overwhelming that they were still unable to control themselves very long, more than perhaps 45 minutes, even if their diet was good and they had high vitality. In these cases I think the solution is just doing it over and over. Sometimes men, just like women, may need saturation with lots of high-pleasure peak orgasms, before they can start with serious self-control and higher-pleasure valley orgasms. It may take months, but in the end they will get there.

I myself was never overly concerned with the clitoris or the G-spot, because the Karezza was so enjoyable and I was so good at it that a woman couldn't hold out long. If they wanted to have an orgasm, they could have it quick. Women enjoyed it.

The women were very happy. After beginning Karezza, it became unnecessary to calculate all this stuff. I never had to actually figure it out.

All I did was to function naturally, the way I felt like, without thinking about it. And it was right, for every woman. If one gets too mechanical about it, one becomes a dud. Then it is not real. Real sex has nothing to do with the brain, it has to do with feelings, true feelings and movement.

That's all. The brain is not needed.

From page 45 the Technique to Paradise.

🍎🐍🏖️

YAB YUM

What are you experiencing?

~ by yab yum

Be patient. At first you can't experience the orgasmic part of this process. Some get it on their first try and for some it can take years. Keep practicing with the exercise your teacher gives you. Even if you don't experience the orgasm, just the breath and energy circling alone is of great value. It will clear blocks so that eventually the orgasm can pass through you. Blocks can be experienced in many ways – crying, gagging, getting frustrated, resurfacing old memories. Just keep breathing. Visualize letting go of the "old" on the exhale, ringing out the "new" on the inhale. Energy levels will most likely rise and fall, like mercury in a thermometer. Tell your partner where it slipped. Your partner will encourage you to tap into your sexual center when energy is slipping. One of the main keys to learning this technique is KNOWING that it is possible.

(When asked if she had an orgasm, Sara responded 🙂

It was uninterrupted, uninterrupted… This was definitely something else, which I have never experienced so fully.

(Sara was then asked if there were any psychological changes.)

Oh yes, sure. From the point of view of spiritual practice it is always full of insight, a kind of insight that comes after, about how I am in ecstasy in my usual state, because it is obvious that the ecstasy is inherent in the body (level), of my being… and also of course this would affect my meditation. I am much more relaxed and receptive physically, emotionally and psychologically when I sit down to meditate…. I don't know what this has to do with anything, but meditation becomes very sexual, very physical, playing with all these hormones. Very often in my meditation there is a stage like deepening where it goes through something like lovemaking in a hormonal sense. I feel the heat and change of energy and so forth, and then it just cools down. That is when deep meditation begins.

It is absolutely blissful in ecstasy because the bliss is something I feel in the body. The ecstasy is something where the body is no longer. Energy goes up. His community. It is love. The transcendent, the energy feeling, transcends even the light that I'm talking about in meditation, and just went into the light.

One tree merges with another tree, the earth merges with the trees, the trees merge with the sky, the sky merges with the unknown...you merge with me, I merge with you...everything merges...differences lost, melting and merging as waves into other waves…an enormous unity vibrating, alive, without limits, without definitions, without distinction…the sage melting into the sinner, the sinner flowing together in the sage…becoming good becoming bad, becoming bad…the night turning into the day, day turning into night… life melts into death, death plunges into life again – then everything has become one.

This has changed my experience with sexuality forever… It has blown up things like this what you have about sex, the good feeling you get from sexual experience or trying to get. It broke that because it was so obviously about submission. It wasn't about me trying to do something. It was about not doing something, but rather receiving or allowing it, rather than doing and creating and making.

This is the most profound healing practice I have ever encountered. It has awakened me to realize that my body is often shut off from the bliss and ecstasy it might be experiencing. Through this practice I have come to learn that emotional pain occurs when orgasmic energy does not flow freely through my body and that there is an infinite flow of orgasmic energy available to me. It has taken me years to gradually release the tension and pain in my body and I still have areas of tension to unblock. The sensations can be different each time depending on my condition, sometimes there is a pulsating vibration and sometimes it feels like some kind of electrical current circulating through my genitals throughout my body. There may be tears of joy. My mind can be perfectly clear and it can seem like everything I feared has been resolved. When a certain area of ​​tension is unblocked and the orgasmic energy circulates, there is always an amazing sense of oneness with the life being awakened.

Mel 40 Auckland

My teacher knew how to touch – and where to make contact – He knew places to touch that I didn't know about – and soon I was on my way to another place in another universe. I was in a trance of breathing and sweat and pleasure that so long and so dead do had gone – that I traveled through light and sound. I never knew that such an experience could be had without actually making love. When I finally climaxed and climaxed and climaxed, I couldn't believe I was having a sexual climax in the presence of someone other than my husband. I felt both excitement and a little embarrassment. Looking back at this moment, I would never have thought that having an orgasm for another man would actually be the "beginning" of this whole journey in Tantra

Emma S 35

Auckland

And this is the joy of Cosmic Spiritual Orgasm, because you disappear for a moment. That moment is very small, but its impact is immense. For a moment you are no longer the ego, you do not think in terms of 'I', for a moment you dissolve into the oneness of the all, you become one with the whole, you pulsate with the whole. You are no longer an individual… you are no longer limited to your body. You have no limitations, for a moment you are unlimited, infinite.

That is the meaning of Cosmic Spiritual Orgasm – that your frozen energy melts, becoming one with this universe, with the trees and the stars, and the woman and the man, and the rocks – for a single moment, of course. But in THAT moment you have a kind of consciousness that is religious, that is sacred, that is one with all things. – OSHO

Unbelievable! Some are very strong and some are wonderfully subtle. In general, the more time you spend building up the energy, the more powerful the sensations. You experience “electricity” throughout your body, hands, feet and lips tingle, and there is a sense of letting go and receiving at the same time. You will feel high, euphoric and light-headed. It feels very different from a clitoral orgasm (but it can happen at the same time as a clitoral orgasm). You see a seed sprout, flowers appear on a tree somewhere, the birds are singing – the whole phenomenon is sexual. It is life manifesting in many ways. When the bird sings, it is a sexual call, an invitation. When the flower attracts butterflies and bees, it is an invitation, because the bees and butterflies bear the seeds of reproduction. Everything seems to be divided into these two polarities. And life is a rhythm between these two opposites. Repulsion and attraction, coming closer and getting far… these are the rhythms.

Z

[problemswithbooks]

I think shigaraki might turn out to have been quirkless and given decay by afo. The ‘ten’ is his name hints him as the tenth user for ofa and will most likely die with him.

I've always thought that it was very likely that AfO gave Tenko decay and it seems to be a theory others also believe. I also think it's probable that AfO interfered in someway so no one saved Tenko, simply because it makes no sense that he didn't run into any Heroes when it was stated multiple times that it was a Hero saturated society. Plus AfO would be stupid to leave something so important for his petty revenge to chance.

There is an issue with this though if this turns out to be true--namely it sort of kneecaps the theme that Society/Heroes brushed things under the rug and ignored people because they didn't have 'good' Quirks.

Now, I honesty think that theme is already sort of weak because Hori just won't commit to it unless it's random anthropomorphic animal people. I mean, Shinsou and Himiko were the best examples of this but no one really seemed scared of them or ostracized them. Shinsou's middle school friends thought his Quirk was cool--sure they said it was a great Quirk for a villain, but they weren't terrified of him or refusing to interact with him because he had 'villainous' Quirk. In UA no one dislikes him for his Quirk either, not until he uses it against Ojiro, who is rightfully upset that his own autonomy and choices were taken away from him. Shinsou's main problem seems less that he has a creepy Quirk and more that it's not a physical Quirk, which is what the UA entrance test is designed for. And Even when he loses to Izuku, the Pro Heroes in the crowd talk about how awesome his power is and how they'd take him as an intern as soon as he learns so fighting moves.

Himiko is much the same, or at least from what we can gather. Unless she lied about her Quirk, which we weren't told, for the most part she was accepted by her classmates. She had friends and people who liked her. Toga only became a monster to people once she attacked another student out of seemingly no where. The only people who disliked her Quirk were her parents, but even then it's hard to say if they hated her Quirk, or the violent tendencies it's given her. Curious said people with blood Quirks were thought of as unable to control themselves, but Stain and Vlad King, the only other blood Quirk uses, are never shown to be perceived this way.

So, if AfO gave Shigaraki his decay Quirk and perhaps even set it up so he was ignored, then it sort of removes a lot of the themes that so many people think are integral to the story. It becomes less that Heroes failed Shigaraki and more that they were never given the opportunity save him in the first place.

But, I do think it's highly likely this is the case because it gives Izuku an easy way to change Shigaraki's mind and bring him back to the good side. AfO drilled it into his head that his Decay Quirk was a manifestation of his will to destroy--that of course he was destined to be this great evil, because his power was only good for killing. But if AfO gave that to him, it means that Tenko was never inherently destructive. It also makes the deaths of this family AfO's fault, rather then just an accident that Tenko does feel guilt for.

After realizing AfO set everything up and is pretty much responsible for everything bad that happened in his life (in a way even being responsible for his father's abuse, which stemmed from AfO killing his grandmother) there's no way Shigaraki would continue to side with him, or keep on seeing himself as a harbinger of tragedy, only meant to destroy.

As for getting OfA, then dying to take down AfO, I could see it. I think it's likely Shigaraki will live, but I'm never confident when it comes to Hori's writing because he'll hint he's going one way then swerve in the opposite direction. I think these equal set up for either option. If he died, he could get reunited with his family--a call back to where he refused to die and went toward AfO during the War Arc. Or he could go to sacrifice himself but the vestiges, especially Nana could do some ghostly magic and manage to save him, meaning he and Izuku end the series Quirkless again. It's really a toss up at this point.

[capstoverogers]

A Soul for a Soul - Chapter 2

Pairings: Past Natasha Romanoff/Black!Reader, Eventual Carol Danvers/Black!Reader

Genre: Grief/Angst

Warnings: Mention of Characters' Death, Cursing, Lots o' Sad

Word Count: 3,016

Chapter 1

-----

There was a party raging on the battlefield, because no one didn’t know what else to do, except you all knew Tony would want you to celebrate. But maybe everyone just wanted to put off mourning till morning, didn’t quite yet want to deal with the consequences, for better or for worse.

It was an easier concept to swallow when Thor and his pretty warrior friend with the flying horse disappeared for a moment, then came back in minutes with as much Asgardian beer and liquor as they could manage (which, between the two of them, was a whole damn lot). A friend of Rocket’s - Star Lord - then took the charge, cracking open the first beer and finishing off half it in a single gulp before blasting some mix tape of 70s tunes from his space ship that soon turned the battlefield, this graveyard, into an all-out function.

The largest fire you’d ever seen raged where the compound once stood, courtesy of Zoey, and bodies started to move under the moonlight, freely to the music, helped of course by the copious amount of liquor that helped bury down any sense of sadness in favor of this celebration.

You couldn’t focus, though. You still hadn’t managed to find Nat in this swarm of familiar and strange faces, and she was the only one you wanted to see. Once you had her in your arms, then you could let yourself celebrate - or at least you could try. Even as everyone slowly started to let loose, there was this permeating sense of sadness, as prevalent as the cascades of smoke soaring upward from the fire, as no one could escape the thought of the sacrifice that allowed you all to celebrate like this.

It was like everything was in the way, though, and you supposed you could give a few minutes to these friends who you hadn’t seen in years before you found your wife.

“I can’t believe you’re married!” Zoey was gushing as you stood in a small circle with Bucky, Sam and Steve; the superpowered were wielding Asgardian drinks while the rest of you eyed their bottles enviously. You couldn’t help but grin, showing off the simple, but sleek vibranium band on your finger as Sam pretended to squeal like a valley girl with a hand to his chest and Bucky shot you a simple grin as he held out his metal arm.

“We match.”

You beamed at him, though not with the fervency of Steve, who hadn’t pulled his eyes from the Winter Solider for a second since the battle had ended. Well, except to urgently meet your eyes, seemingly desperate to pull you away for a private moment. You didn’t know why - didn’t know if you wanted to know why - and found yourself avoiding his gaze as it drifted to the crowds of people, hoping to catch the one face you wanted to see above all else.

“I feel like I know no one,” Zoey murmured beside me, also taking in all the people around her. “It’s weird to think that it’s been five years. It felt like…a malfunction. One second I was gone and the very next second, I was here, like nothing happened. Like the world had just…glitched.”

“Like a blip,” Bucky said knowingly. Zoey nodded with a frown, then perked up when the Jackson 5 started blaring from the speakers. She turned eagerly to you, already drifting to where Star Lord had started up a makeshift dance floor.

“We gotta dance!”

Sam was nodding fervently, a little grin playing at his lips as he started to move easily to the beat. You grinned a little, but you were still so distracted, especially as you could sense Steve about to interject, his eyes once again set on you, and you couldn’t get caught in a conversation with him. As much as you truly loved him, they tended to be endless.

“I’ll meet y’all out there,” you assured, backing away before their protests could fully reach your ears. “Gotta find Nat.”

“(Y/N)…” Steve started, but Zoey beat him to it as she nodded with a grin.

“Oh, I bet you do,” she said, eyebrows waggling ridiculously, and man, you missed this. You laughed heartily, then turned away, starting to feel desperate the deeper you got in the crowd. It had been over an hour - where had she been?

You finally caught a glimpse of Clint, who had seemingly changed into his civilian clothes, your heart spiking when you saw that he was talking to someone who his body mostly obscured, but you could tell it was a woman shorter than him. Of course your best bet would be to find Nat with Clint; she’d probably got caught up in the crowd and reunion just like you did, but just like he’d promised before he left, Clint was still looking out for your girl.

Before you could make my way over to them, though, you found yourself colliding straight into Peter’s strong chest. He stumbled back, the profuse apology already tumbling off of his lips, only slowing down when he noticed it was you. All thoughts of making your way to Natasha fled from your mind as you took in your friend’s red eyes, half-empty bottle of aged Asgardian liquor in his hand and the sway in his step.

“How are you, Pete?” You asked, stepping close so he could hear your voice, soft with compassion and concern.

“Drunk,” he hiccuped with a brief, bright smile that reminded you of the fifteen year old boy you had met years ago before it quickly faded. “And sad.”

Peter was always the type to wear his heart on his sleeve - one of the things that hadn’t changed about him, along with his forever gentle and earnest brown eyes. Even as he sprouted up - shoulders broader and jaw firmer and covered in the scruff he hadn’t gotten a chance to shave off yet - he was still Peter. Just a wearier, more mature one, but still always filled with a hope that had helped fuel you all.

As much as your own heart hurt over the loss of Tony, it hurt even more seeing clearly how it was affecting Peter. You’d never seen him drunk before. Granted, it took a lot of Earth liquor for someone like him to even get a buzz, but the way his words slurred off of his tongue was telling.

“I’m sorry, Pete.”

He shrugged, eyes glazing over for a second before his attention drifted to the music. He perked up slightly.

“Hey, is that Zoey?!” He smiled a little in wonder, eyes honing in on The Flame as she figuratively burned a hole in the makeshift dance floor. She had attracted the attention of a drunk Star Lord, who was laughing as she showed everyone up. “Wow. I haven’t seen her in…”

You couldn’t help but chuckle as he struggled to count.

“Five years,” you supplied, your smile more soft than mocking as he turned back to you with an eager nod. “You go say ‘hi.’ She’ll like that. I’m gonna find Nat.”

“Okay!” Peter chirped, seemingly drunk and distracted enough by Zoey to let his sadness fall to the wayside, at least for a moment. He began to stumble towards her, but stopped, something pensive crossing his gaze. “It’s not weird anymore.”

You furrowed your brow at him, “What’s not weird?”

“If me and her went out. S’not weird anymore ‘cause I’m grown up.”

You chuckled fondly at how ironically boyish he sounded. Peter’s crush on Zoey back in the day had bordered on infamous with how completely obvious it was, but of course she had seen him as nothing but a little brother, with the nine year age difference and all.

But you guessed that was a four year age difference now.

“Better get on it before that Star Douche dude does,” you said, nodding to how the aforementioned space punk was dancing a little too closely to Zoey in a way that was almost rhythmic and would have maybe been charming if you weren’t already decidedly Team Peter Parker. You clapped Peter on the back, and you grinned at each other. He started to sway towards the dance floor, his shoulders bouncing to the beat, and you watched him for a second.

“Hey Peter?”

He looked at you curiously over his shoulder. You offered him a small smile.

“We’re gonna be okay,” you said. “I know it doesn’t really feel like it now, but…we’ll get through this too.”

You were happy to see his smile sincere, no matter how small it was. He nodded once, then turned back towards Zoey and the dance floor, finally leaving you to make your way to Natasha.

Except as you got closer to Clint, you realized that he wasn’t talking to Nat, but his wife, who he must’ve fetched from their home - along with their kids - and brought back to the celebration. You furrowed your brow at how even from across the way, you could notice how red his eyes were as his shoulders seemed permanently slumped. Tony meant a lot to everyone, but you hadn’t expect to see Clint that affected.

“(Y/N)!”

You let out a sigh as you recognized Steve’s voice from behind. In a second, his long steps led him right in front of you, this striking mix of urgency and tragedy saturating his blue eyes as he gazed down at you.

“I need to talk to you,” he said in a quiet, serious tone. He took ahold of your wrist, firmly but gently, and you knew you had no chance of pulling away from his grip.

“Can it wait?” you pleaded, your head started to crane around again. “I just really want to see Nat.”

When you looked back at him, something had completely crumbled in his gaze as he stared down at you, and you knew immediately. You think you knew the second you’d stepped foot on the battlefield and hadn’t seen her, hadn’t felt her, but had buried the feeling down deep, because it couldn’t be true.

“(Y/N)…”

“No,” you said, shaking your head as you tried to step back, though Steve’s tightened grip held you in place. “Steve, no.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No.” Your voice stretched and cracked as your eyes started to sting. This wasn’t happening. You were misreading this. Nat was about to come up to you at any second, wrap her arms around your waist, assure you that she was there, that everything was okay.

“To get the soul stone, it required a sacrifice,” Steve said, voice strained and eyes pained, and slowly you started to feel everything crumble around you. “A soul for a soul. Clint tried to stop her, tried to give his life, but you know Nat…”

He tried to smile; it didn’t hit.

You did know Nat. How she always felt like she wasn’t doing enough. How she never felt like she had fully atoned for the darkness of her past. How big and noble her heart was, how she would do whatever it took to complete the mission, if it meant it would save you all.

It’s why you loved her so much.

It felt like your chest was about to collapse on itself. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t see through the mess of tears streaming down your face. This couldn’t be real.

You could feel Steve’s arm start to come around you, but you pulled away, shaking your head as he stared at you helplessly. He was one of the greatest heroes Earth had ever known.

But there was nothing he could do about this.

-----

One shot of Asgardian liquor, and you were done. Thor wasn’t kidding about that shit.

You didn’t know how much time had passed. Could’ve been ten minutes. Could’ve been three hours. You sort of wished that it was the rest of your life, that Thanos would’ve managed that snap before Tony snatched the glove away from him - then you wouldn’t have to feel.

The next best thing, though? Being fucking drunk. The ache was there, but it was more numb. Your head unconsciously swayed to the music, fainter from where you sat in the dirt, yards away from the party. You fingered your wedding band and felt so fucking empty, but somehow it was okay, because you were drunk.

You wanted to kill Clint. He told you he’d look out for her. You trusted him to fucking look after her.

Then you remembered how broken he looked when you’d caught a glimpse of him and realized that if there was anybody who could understand how you were feeling, how you were trying not to feel, it was him.

You were rooted to the spot, though. Maybe you’d never move again. Why did it have to be Nat who went to that dumb planet to get that stupid stone? It couldn’t have been anyone else? No one knew what you’d have to lose in order to win?

You heard footsteps approaching, and usually your reflexes were sharp (you hadn’t climbed your way up the S.H.I.E.L.D. hierarchy by being slow, after all. You wondered what your job would be now that Fury and Hill were surely back. You wondered if you’d make it past this night), but it took you a long second to pull your head up from where you had been staring at your ring.

You squinted at the strong-stanced blonde hovering carefully a few feet away from you. Her figure was imposing, but somehow you could tell that her eyes were soft.

“Hey,” you coughed up a hiccup, “hey, Carol.”

She looked amused and pitying at the same time as she nodded, taking a slow step closer.

“Hey (Y/N),” she said softly. She glanced down at the bottle perched in the dirt by your feet, chanced a small smirk. “I don’t think that stuff’s made for people like you.”

“You mean us mere mortals?” You slurred with a stupid, bitter sort of grin followed by a hollow chuckle.

Her own grin was drowning in the pity now.

“Yeah. No offense.”

You shrugged. You didn’t care. Nothing like spending the past decade with a bunch of super-humans to make one deeply confront their own mortality. You’d reckoned with your normalcy a long time ago, the fact that you’d never be as great as them, no matter how hard you tried.

“How about sad people?” You said after a moment.

Her brow furrowed, puzzled.

“Sad people,” you reiterated with a slur. “This shit made for sad people? ‘Cause I’m…” You frowned for a moment. “Not sad. ‘Cause sad’s a feeling, and I don’t think I have those anymore.”

You were kind of confused by the understanding in Carol’s eyes, and you realized you knew next to nothing about her. You knew she’d saved Tony, Peter and Nebula from space five years ago, and she was possibly the most powerful being you’d ever seen. You knew she’d known Fury since you were a child and that you liked her. She felt safe without trying, was witty and to-the-point and was really easy to get along with. She’d swing by the compound to check in, every few months, and it was always nice when she did.

“I heard what happened.” You don’t know when, but suddenly Carol was sitting next to you, and you think she was trying to drown you in sympathy as she looked intently, but gently at you. “I’m sorry.

You peered at her for a long second, then shook your head.

“You can say her name, you know,” you announced, strangely angry at the vagueness of her statement, like you were fragile, like your entire childhood hadn’t been marred by loss and struggle. “Natalia Romanova. Natasha Romanoff to us dumb Americans.” You gave a laugh that came out more as a hiccup. “Black Widow. My wife.”

You ran your fingers across your wedding band as Carol watched quietly. You couldn’t really read her gaze, didn’t really care to, but she’d stopped looking at you like you were the most pathetic creature in the world, so that was nice at least.

The two of you were silent for a moment. You kept playing with your wedding band. You and Natasha had been married for one month, two weeks, three days. You thought you’d have forever. Everything burned. Your eyes, your throat, your chest.

“I lost a wife too.”

Your head snapped up. Carol was staring off towards the party, the fire still going strong.

“The same one, three different times,” she continued with a dry chuckle. “I won’t lie, it’s different than your situation, but…”

She shrugged, turning her head towards you with a slight smile.

“I know what it’s like, feeling like your entire life has been ripped away from you and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m the biggest bad ass in the universe,” she gave a self-aware smirk, and it actually made you grin a little, “but I still couldn’t get her back.”

Helpless. That’s exactly how you felt. You’d always been able to get what you wanted, even against the most seemingly insurmountable odds - you had grown up an orphan in the hood, for Christ’s sake. But now there was this, and you knew you couldn’t get what you wanted this time. As hard as you tried, as much as you worked, what could you possibly do in the end?

You wanted to cry. You just hiccuped instead, then appraised Carol curiously.

“She didn’t die three times, though,” you said with drunken certainty. “Your wife.”

“No. Just the last time,” Carol said simply. Her words surprised you; you’d assumed maybe Carol’s wife had been snapped away but was back now. “I lost her a long time before that, though.”

There was steadiness, a resignation to the sadness that tinged her otherwise cool voice.

“Oh.” You shifted a little. “Sorry.”

She shrugged, meeting your eyes again.

“Me too.”

Taglist: @afuckingshituniverse

[mysticdragon3md3]

Ranma ½ is GENIUS. Here’s Why by  Bonsai Pop

The thing I really appreciated about Ranma ½ when I was younger, was that it was a discussion about gender without getting sidetracked by sex, the way most “sex comedies” did, especially at the time.  At the time, publishers tried to market Ranma ½ as a “sex comedy” in the vein of raunchy college-setting Hollywood movies or fanservicy Male Gaze series (compare “Futaba-kun Change” or the proceeding “harem genre” that Ranma ½ started).  But Ranma ½ felt more like a discussion about gender more than sex, or even more than sexuality.  And being an AroAce kid, who didn’t know what AroAce was at the time, but was very confused about my gender, I really appreciated Ranma ½’s focus on gender over sex, fanservice, and heterosexuals navigating (sexual) relationships—which, I *cannot* express enough, was the saturated majority of all anime/manga, that even came close to discussing gender, at the time.  I just wanted a discussion about gender, gender roles, complaining about presumed traditional ideas about gender, and how to define one’s own gender despite society’s pressures about gender.  I wanted a discussion about Strength, that the martial arts genre did so often, without an advocation for sexist ideals, toxic masculinity, stereotypes about “feminine” being weaker (even as warriors), fixated only on romance, or any number of female stereotypes, etc.  I feel like I can’t remind people enough of how it was back then, when not only were these toxic mysoginist ideas portrayed frequently, but they were also portrayed as good, true, “right”, or unquestioned.  At least when Ranma Saotome was being a sexist jerk, he was punished for that terrible thinking or eventually had to reconcile with his dissonance.  And Akane Tendo was revolutionary at that time too.  It used to be that on the Shonen genre side, we had only hyper fem, passive, romance-fixated, love interests, OR nagging, cold female characters that really felt like the author was conveying all their horrible views on women in general, OR sexy eye-candy that had close-ups on their boobs or butt so frequently, that it completely made their lack of focus on romance or anything else in their personalities, secondary.  Then on the Shoujo genre side, we had girls who were fixated on nothing but romance, constantly jealous and possessive—and often over guys who hadn’t even proven themselves worthwhile to pursue romantically.  Let’s face it: A lot of Shoujo leading men were often jerks, treated their female love interests badly, and for some reason, she was just supposed to play the devoted “Lady Murasaki” and be totally “in love” with him.  Whyyyyyyyyyy?????????????  Even worse on the Shonen genre side too, because he treats her badly, it doesn’t get portrayed as bad treatment, he doesn’t understand why she’s angry, so she just looks like a volatile nag all the time, often existing only to be objectified or serve as a flimsy motive for his character arcs and actions. It was a pretty bad time.  Not that now has eliminated those problems, but when Ranma ½ and Akane Tendo seem like the shining lights of something different, maybe then you can understand how much I sorely needed Ranma ½ and Akane Tendo at that time.  

Really surprised that this video essay didn’t mention Jackie Chan.  The thing that differentiated Ranma ½ from so many martial arts battle anime/manga at the time, was that Ranma ½’s style of martial arts was inspired by Jackie Chan.  Meanwhile, all the other Shonen martial arts manga/anime were so serious and based more on “cool”, “action” genre toned martial arts movies.  

I’m intrigued by this video essay’s idea that Ranma ½ the series isn’t sexist, but rather, characters within the series are sexist, and are so in order to make a point about how them being like that is messed up.  I need to grapple with this because one of my problems in looking back at Ranma ½ is that it can be a little transphobic and/or homophobic at times.  Like, I’ll never forget when Tsubasa Kurenai was introduced and, Akane, this character that we’re supposed to completely sympathize with during this series, just keeps screaming in Tsubasa’s face that they are a “pervert”, simply because it’s revealed that Tsubasa identifies as a boy but dresses as a girl.  I think the episode just ended like that, and that was supposed to be a joke, but I don’t know whether the reveal’s shock intended on the audience was supposed to be conveyed through Akane and we were expected to have the same reactions as her, or if we were supposed to be shocked at Akane’s reactions and her reactions being ridiculous were the joke.  I dunno; it was a long time ago, I don’t remember much context, and I really should look it back up.  But frankly, there’s a lot of Ranma ½ to sift through and that’s more time than I have, writing this post.  Akane does seem to repeatedly have instances of being perfectly nice to characters, but when she discovers they’re actually guys, she spends a lot of time yelling “pervert” in their faces.  Sometimes I don’t know if we’re meant to see how ridiculous Akane is being or if we’re meant to agree with her.  Again, I watched/read the series a long time ago, and maybe if I re-watched/re-read it now, it would be clear to older me.  Because, when it happens between Akane and Ranma, Ranma has a specific line, grummbling about how Akane was perfectly nice to him, up until she found out he was actually a boy.  And Ranma was a bit nice in his characterization up until that early line of dialogue, so maybe we were supposed to be on his side in that thought.  So maybe Akane spending the rest of the series yelling “pervert” at Ranma (repeated so often it’s essentially their running gag), is supposed to be a joke laughing at how irrational Akane is being.  o.o?  I’d hate to think we’re supposed to be on Akane’s side, repeatedly calling Ranma a “pervert” over a curse that he had no control over getting, and early on was portrayed as a misfortune that the audience was supposed to sympathize and pity him over.  Maybe the whole thing is supposed to point out Akane’s flaws, since everyone in the series is pretty messed up.  (Even Kasumi unsettled me a bit when I was younger, in that she dropped her entire life, to replace her mother’s role when she died.  For me, being a young girl who didn’t buy into those traditional female roles, that were still at the time, strongly pushed onto girls in society, that was a little unsettling.  Still love Kasumi as a person though.)  Akane did have reason to “hate boys”, as the series specifically states early on, but I’d like to think that she was given this flaw as a point to grow away from.  Just as this video essay calls to attention Ranma being sexist and, over the series, eventually growing out of it.  But back when I was young and initially into Ranma ½, I feared that some of these sexist or even homophobic ideas in Ranma ½ were actually reflective of thoughts that Rumiko Takahashi advocated.  After all, there’s a point in Maison  Ikkoku where Kyoko berates herself by saying all women are fools.  Maybe I was too young to see the nuance in a character berating her own mistakes in her love live, vs the implication that all women are “properly” stereotyped into being obsessed with love and end up acting foolish for it.  Nowadays, I can see how we can berate ourselves whenever our specific actions can slot us into generalized stereotypes, and we curse ourselves for falling into proving stereotypes true on occaision.  But back then, when I was younger and watching Ranma ½ for the first time and reading Maison Ikkoku for the first time, I was afraid that such lines were reflective of Takahashi believing such stereotypes as truth.  Which is why I was so happy when sometime after Ranma ½, Inuyasha had a canonically gay character, and instead of Inuyasha calling him a pervert the entire time, he just got exasperated with his non-stop flirting, the way that all the female characters from Ranma ½ are tired of guys who won’t take “no” for an answer.  At the time, I thought, “Yay!  Takahashi has evolved to a less homophobic stance!”  But maybe, all this time, she was always against such things, and merely portraying them, even through characters we were supposed to sympathize with, merely to show how messed up such ideas are.  I really like that thought which this video essay presented.  

But I will disagree with this video essay on 1 thing:  The manga is better.  I’m not trying to be elitist.  I realize that comedy has a very subjective sensibilities, and the anime leans into awkward silence type comedy, whereas I am sick of that type of comedy.  But so many visual gags and jokes in the manga, and Rumiko Takahashi’s style in general, involve panels that are almost completely re-drawn, with only 1 element changed—the gag element—suggesting that the eye is supposed to read from panel to panel quickly (since the human eyes/brain filters out a lack of change, and is hard-wired to focus on changes from previous conditions).  To me, this suggests quick punchlines, whose sudden oddity is supposed to shock, implying an intended fast pacing to the jokes.  And yeah, Takahashi will draw seemingly normal scenes, detailed with all the normalcies of a commonly recognizable environment, then suddenly the next panel is exactly the same except a character is contorted into a silly pose or an absolutely ridiculous creature with an intentionally nonsensical facial expression has suddenly appeared, amid that completely “normal” scene, with all its “normal” details _redrawn_.  It’s why the “evil oni” episode in Ranma ½ had a ridiculous face, despite its supposedly ominous background.  In fact, anywhere Takahashi can fit a gag face, especially if it contradicts the surrounding scene’s/story’s serious tone, she will do it.  She has even said in interviews that if scenes are too serious, she will try to put in a gag in the corner.  I remember reading Maison Ikkoku during a depressive episode (for both me and Godai) and suddenly Yotsuya had poked his head through a hole in the wall, into the scene, shining a flashlight onto his own face, like a kid telling a ghost story, all while he made funny faces and Takahashi’s typical gag with the sign language “I love you” gesture.  The woman cannot let things stay serious (except for Mermaid Saga, parts of Inuyasha, and some short stories), and I love her for it!  ^o^  But the way she suddenly injects ridiculousness into scenes and character designs, suggest, at least to me, an intended fast paced delivery with the jokes.  That sudden shock when you notice Yotsuya making faces in the corner of a depressing scene. That sudden shock, when Ranma is hiding from his mother, and is clinging to the ceiling or futons like Spiderman, and Akane is just supposed to act natural so Ranma’s mom won’t notice where he’s hiding.  To me, this suggests the punchline is supposed to come at you like a sudden punch, unlike awkwardness that hangs in the air.  So when the anime tries to make the joke linger, I just don’t enjoy it as much as when my brain can dictate the faster pacing I want (and believe better fits) while reading the Ranma ½ manga.  

Also, the manga is better because those manga filler episodes were not as well written as the manga.  Rumiko Takahashi is a master of short stories.  And that shows when you run into the less-effective filler anime episodes–even when you don’t know they’re filler episodes!  I remember watching the Ranma ½ anime before reading the manga, before there was even internet lists of which were the filler episodes, and coincidentally, all the filler episodes did not make me laugh out loud, whereas every episode up until that point, had made me uncontrollably laugh.  I feel like the anime thought that because Ranma ½ was an episodic, very silly series, they could just insert anything and it would fit.  But clearly, only  the manga-based episodes—and even individual scenes!—had the nuance of Takahashi’s writing and pacing, to make even an episodic, ridiculous series work.  

  Also, I love how this video essay just lavishes the love on Rumiko Takahashi.  ^o^  

Another thing this video essay pointed out that I appreciate about Ranma ½ is how indifferent Ranma is to all the advances of his suitors or even accidental fanservice.  All the consequential “harem genre” series that tried to emulate Ranma ½ always seemed to include male protagonists who were surrogates for the audiences’ intended horny reactions.  But Ranma was neither turned on, enticed, nor tantalized by even accidental fanservice falling into his lap.  (As Mother’s Basement has noted, harem genre protagonist have a penchant for accidentally falling and grabbing a girls’ boobs, or their face falling into her boobs, or accidentally put into a position to forcibly see up her skirt, etc.)  If anything, he’s more embarassed that he accidentally walked in on girls in undress, rather than enjoying the view OR reacting so long, that the scene drags on, fixating on the accidental nudity/groping/fanserivce.  And I was about to postulate that maybe because most harem genre and fanservice series are usually made by straight men for an audience with a Male Gaze.  But Takahashi wrote Maison Ikkoku’s Godai, right before she created Ranma ½, and he very much enjoyed the view, took peeks, and fixated on any accidental fanservice.  So it’s actually Ranma himself who had reactions and a perspective that were very agreeable to this asexual.  

I hadn’t noticed before this video essay said it, but Happosai really is condemned much more for being the “pervy old man” archetype, whereas other series are very permissive towards that same archetype, even when they’re being sexual predators.  I’d like to attribute this to Takahashi bringing a woman’s perspective, but Sailormoon was also written by a woman and (if I remember correctly) Rei’s grandpa’s pervy ways were reprimanded in only 1 episode then permitted as a running gag in the rest of the series (thankfully, not often).  Then again, lots of the Shoujo genre also advocated for many toxic traditional ideas about gender (like girls picking romantic partners who don’t respect them, and girls being fully devoted/invested in such guys, because they “once” meet the bare minimum for human decency by being nice to them once).  So maybe it was uniquely Takahashi’s prerogative to not let the “pervy old man” archetype slide as supposedly “endearing” silliness.

[dathen]

~*~BEHOLDING MARTIN MANIFESTO TIME~*~

As promised!!

In TMA 167, Martin was more Beholding than ever before:

Seeking out information that will hurt himself:  Asking what his “domain” was.  This was impulsive, and he didn’t stop to realize that this could be information that could torment him until Jon double-checked to make sure.  

Seeking out information that could hurt others:  Asking Jon if he would have shared the information about the assistants being freed with his death.  I think this was just as impulsive as asking about the domain, and that he didn’t think about the nerve he could be hitting by digging deeper.

Reliving/being trapped in a statement once begun:  He “accessed the archive” in a way we’ve never seen before, and got sucked in and couldn’t stop listening just like Jon in TMA 147 or TMA 160.  It’s possible that this would happen to anyone in earshot, but Martin was able to interrupt Jon in TMA 163.

Has a yet-unnamed domain:  We know of two canon affiliations Martin has with the entities: the Lonely and the Beholding.  It could potentially be another, but the fact we didn’t get an answer leaves this open to Beholding.  Martin did leave the Lonely behind to choose Jon in TMA 159--to choose to See his love.  And what place had Martin chosen, but at Jon’s side?

(Speculation) Possibly filled in some blanks in Annabelle’s conversation:  There are a few theories for why Martin’s description of Annabelle’s call included things she didn’t say, ranging from innocent to horrific, Watsonian to Doylist, but my personal favorite is that he Knew some stuff.  It wouldn’t be the first time.

Frequently, I see Martin held up as the only assistant who didn’t have a Beholding nature.  Tim was searching for information about his brother!  Sasha charged recklessly into danger!  Melanie is pretty much a Jon clone with a youtube channel!  But Martin, where does Martin fit in?

Martin’s a tricky one because I don’t think he started as very aligned to the Eye, but he was conditioned towards it.  A requirement of using the Panopticon was to be aligned with the Eye, and without it an attempt would be “very messy indeed,” in Peter’s words.  But Martin didn’t begin reading statements under Peter’s leadership.  He began under Elias.

Which leads to....the Backup Archivist Theory.

Now, I call it a “theory,” but on my series relisten pre-s5, I realized that it’s pretty explicit in the text to the point that other characters reference it and talk about it openly.  But we didn’t pay too much attention at the time because we didn’t know why a backup archivist would be such an important thing--until TMA 160.

Jonah’s villainous monologue gives us all the context we need for why he would need a backup archivist.  Each time Jonah arranged another of Jon’s scars, e risked losing him altogether and having to start from scratch.  Early on, he barely lifted a finger to make sure Jon survived any attack:

I reasoned if you couldn’t survive a single encounter, you were unlikely to make it through all fourteen. So, when Jane Prentiss attacked, I watched eagerly, one hand on the gas release from the start. 

Jonah’s ambivalence about Jon’s survival leads to the idea that he could always just...start again.  He’d have to redo a few marks, but Jon as the Chosen One was just that--someone he chose.  If Jon failed, Jonah could just choose someone else.

After season 4, I theorized that Jonah had a main backup in mind that changed over the course of the series.  In S1-S2, my guess was Tim, the only other who came to the Institute pre-marked and the only other who was physically scarred in Prentiss’s attack.  But what happens when Tim gets defiant and unmanageable in season 3?  Elias starts putting a LOT of pressure on Martin.  Of the ten statements read by assistants during S3, seven were read by Martin.  The risk of Jon dying was highest at this point, so having someone ready to fall back on makes sense.  A brief timeline of this:

TMA 84 - Martin is the first assistant to read a statement in Jon’s absence.

TMA 86 - Tim refuses to record a statement.

TMA 95 - Martin breaks down after reading a statement, says he hates reading them.

TMA 98 - This is a big one!!      - Martin tells Tim that Elias refused to let him stop reading        statements.      - Tim refuses to help.      - Martin tells Melanie about the pressure Elias is putting on him to read statements, and asks if she could pitch in.      - Melanie offers to ask Elias to cut Martin some slack. 

TMA 104 - Martin takes a coherent statement (!!!!!) from Tim.

TMA 116 - THE BRILLIANT GAMBIT BELOW THAT I MUST ELABORATE ON:

Martin:  No, no!  I can help!  I’ve been reading the statements!

Elias:  Quite right.  Probably best he does stay behind.

Basira:  What, so you have a backup if Jon doesn’t make it?  

Elias:  I’m sure that won’t be necessary.

**WAVES HANDS WILDLY**  IT’S ALL RIGHT THERE!!!   

Remember what they’re trying to do in this scenario: trick Elias into insisting Martin remain behind.  First, you have Martin offering the bait--he’s been reading the statements!  Both his pretending to want to come along and his true goal of being allowed to stay behind assume the same thing: that reading the statements changes him, makes him useful.  Elias takes the bait and plays right into his hands; Martin being conditioned with the statements makes him more valuable to be kept in the Archive.  Why?  Basira point this out immediately, flat-out citing Elias keeping a backup Archivist.  He doesn’t deny it.  

Remember that this was, in Jonah’s words, the most delicate scar to arrange for Jon: the End.  Jonah knew there was a significant risk of Jon not coming back, but by agreeing to let Martin stay behind was giving himself a nice safety net.

....So what does any of this mean?

For one, I think it gives us context to how Martin behaves in season 5.  In season 4, he was locked away behind a door reading statement after statement after statement, playing Peter’s game to gather information about his true goals and the possible dangers to the world, letting the Beholding sink ever deeper.  Season 5 is the first time we’ve seen him interact with anyone but Peter.  Between being saturated in the Lonely for a year and playing the role of a secondary Archivist for even longer, Martin hasn’t come away unchanged on either front.  

Before TMA 167, we mainly saw the Beholding side show through a barrage of practical, mostly-reasonable questions: does Jon Know or know?  How do his powers work?  How does the world work?  How does traveling in it work?  What are the shape of things, their extent, their limits?  We saw that he gets antsy when information is denied or insufficient, such as his turning to Helen for more answers in TMA 166.  But this isn’t all-consuming; he slowed his questions in TMA 164 when Jon hinted that he wanted to wind down, and he distances himself from learning about the horrors around him instead of being drawn to them in fascination.  

When I was getting all excited about Backup Archivist Martin during my relisten, I wasn’t expecting it to have any further plot relevance, just that it was a nice way to explain Jonah’s oddities in how he singled Martin out in S3. 

But now that we’ve seen the Archive and the fledgling Archivist together....I am beginning to wonder if there’s more of this story left to be told.

[thehappyrealityproject]

Message from Mariya:

Creating a Happy Reality

Hey everyone! I believe an update is in order! Last time I posted on my blog was September 2019, and now it’s April 2021.

First, I’d like to say that I’m very thankful for my friend, who agreed to type up this message and post it. I’m also very thankful for this incredible tech-free journey, which turned out to be more like a gradual letting go of things rather than letting go of everything that I wanted to let go of at once, and the many wonderful discoveries I made because of it. 

Recent discoveries: Not using artificial lights makes it a lot easier to go to bed earlier and promotes a sense of inner peace, while not checking the time lowers anxiety.

At the core of why I wanted to leave modern technology was a deep desire to reconnect with myself and the magic of real life. And the electrical sensitivity – which reflected my deep dissatisfaction – provided me with the motivation to actually do it.

“Technology is the knack of so arranging the world that we do not experience it.” – Rollo May

The aim of everyday modern technology is to get things done faster, but what that actually does is keep people away from fully living.

Relatable excerpt from a book I was recently writing:

“I see what’s going on here,” said George.

“You do?” I asked.

“Yes. People are skipping the journey and going straight to the destination. You want food? Pop a package in the microwave. You want clothes? Order some online. You want to travel to a new faraway place? A plane will get you there while you sleep. ‘Instant gratification,’ they say. Yet that’s not gratifying at all. Life isn’t about the destination, it’s all about the journey. There is joy in cooking. There is joy in growing your own food and making your own clothing, too. The end result contains only a tiny fraction of the joy compared to the whole experience. People have forgotten this. They’ve replaced the whole experience with activities that only leave them feeling empty, like sitting online all day or watching television. On the flip side, if they returned to the whole experience of things, they might appreciate it much more, knowing that the alternative is senseless; it literally doesn’t require most of the senses. So there is a great lesson in this, one that I’ve learned myself. Maybe that was the reason for why it all came to be this way,” he replied.

I learned that many of the things that people think they need and often seek happiness through are not only the very same things that distract them and keep them away from the happiness they seek (which happens to be our natural state), but also cause harm to them, the environment, and the very life that sustains us – stuff that we actually do need! 

For instance, something we really need – like clean air – is completely taken for granted and diminished because of car fumes (one of the top causes of air pollution) and smoking. The population of bees, which are vital to many of the foods we eat, is decreasing at an alarming rate because of cell phone signals and pesticides. 

Wild nature, another thing we really need, has also diminished. The less I distract myself, the more I feel like I need to be there. I wonder, are we all consciously or subconsciously distracting ourselves from that need? After all, deep down, we are wild creatures who were conditioned to be otherwise.  

In other words, we need much less than we think we do, and we need to protect and take better care of that which we actually do need.

As I was letting go of electronics/modern technology, another interesting thing happened: I became increasingly aware of the state of modern society, AKA the comfortable prison, and it didn’t take long for me to want to leave that behind as well.

I noticed that cities have significantly small amounts of trees; some blocks don’t have any at all. There’s concrete all around, “Keep Off the Grass” signs, overcrowded stores with plastic everywhere, car/train/construction noises, saturation of cars, car fumes, and contrails being dispersed in the sky, releasing carbon dioxide and soot into the atmosphere. Some people are afraid of opening windows because of fumes.

Suburbs have perfectly manicured lawns, so much so that nobody steps on top of them. “Private Property” signs. There’s still concrete all around. Nobody is outside. Why? They’re all inside, staring at screens.

More rural areas have power lines hanging everywhere. Any sensitive or energy-intuitive person can feel the unpleasant energy coming from them. Houses are farther away from each other, and there are larger lawns. More “Private Property” signs. Again, nobody is outside. Same reason. Whether here or in the suburbs, people don’t usually take walks, they take their car everywhere. Unless people choose to exercise, movement is minimized and so is strength. A common theme in these places is stagnation and isolation. 

Most people pollute their bodies with drugs, alcohol, or smoking, and it’s considered completely normal to do so. In fact, many of them get startled when they discover that someone chooses not to do that.

Ironically, organic food, AKA real food, which is our birthright, is considered a luxury now and costs more than fake food.

Is this what they call progression?

I just want to add that even if this really upsets some people, it’s important to know in order to be inspired to create some real and amazing changes. Once you know what is going on, you can turn your attention towards creating what you do want.

I never used to be one of those people who focused on global issues much, but they’ve gotten so out of hand that they are affecting normal day-to-day living. This is not normal.

Meanwhile, I was just looking for a quiet place in nature where I could take walks barefoot on grass (a very natural and beneficial practice), relax, breathe fresh clean air, and not have to ask someone to drive me to a state park.

Can you live in nature without a car? YES. By becoming more self-sufficient.

Last summer, I met a family that grows their own organic fruits and vegetables (and what a magical thing that is!) without any machinery. They shared their strawberries with me. By the way, there are books that teach you how to grow everything, even how to make your own flour and yarn. That’s how they learned their skills. 

I realized that you don’t actually need money to live a joyful life and that the money and exchanging goods and services system is an outdated fear-based system that completely eradicates the joy of giving – one of the highest joys we can experience here. Giving to receive doesn’t feel nearly as good. That’s why many people don’t feel comfortable with that system, even if they do what they enjoy.

So if modern technology or modern society isn’t progression, then what is?

Love. Becoming more loving and allowing yourself to be loved! 

Treating ourselves, others, and the planet with kindness and love, realizing that we’re all connected. That includes not using substances that pollute your own body. 

Falling in love with your uniqueness and the uniqueness of others. 

Falling in love with life!

That’s what it’s always been about, folks.

At this point, however, it’s also about creating a completely different and better way of life. So what I’d like to do is bring The Happy Reality Project into real life, where it was always meant to be, and create an intentional community that reflects happiness and the true meaning of progression. This community can later extend to other places around the world.

Details below:

I’m looking for people who feel like they’re done with modern society – done with distractions, staring at screens all day, being around drug use/alcohol/smoking, air pollution, light pollution, and all the other pollutions, the concrete jungle, the rat race, stagnation, hiding and feeling shame or being shamed for their own beautiful bodies, etc., and done with being under the spell that this is all normal. I’m looking for people who see through the illusion and know that this isn’t progression, but actually quite the opposite. I’m looking for people who want to create something new with me and would be interested in living off the grid without electricity or electronics, observing a sky full of stars, dancing to or playing live music, rediscovering the magic of nature, becoming more self-sufficient, and exploring what it truly means to be a human being and to naturally feel happy, free, and alive!

Let’s put life back into life!

Harmony and being in awe with life is the norm.

Location = open for discussion.

If you’re interested or have any ideas or suggestions, send an email to ------, where my friend has agreed to respond.

Almost 4 months later, update: The email has been deleted due to no responses. Perhaps the internet isn’t the best place to find people who want a lifestyle without electronics. Regardless, we still think it was important to share this message.

[cynicalrecoverysociety]

I'm in a weird place right now. I think this journal might be even more nonsensical than usual so continue at your own risk.

I think I have at this point almost completely disassociated with American culture. To a larger extent at least some of the global first world culture I think but definitely the typical American culture. It's very othering and gives me a lot of impulses about things I "should" do which I hate. There is very little you should find yourself compelled to do, and things like "get a TikTok" or "switch back to an old phone that doesn't have the internet" are most certainly things no one "should"do.

But I just have no idea what is going on in the world anymore. I don't know any current events, and any time I do find out anything it almost immediately sends me into a depression spiral I have to claw myself out of. So I try to avoid news of almost any kind. Which I think is immoral in some way? You know those posts that are like "PSA about bad thing" then there is a reply articulating why OP is fear mongering or misinformed then there are more posts articulating why each person above them is wrong and now you've read the whole thing and you can't even tell who is right at the end because the whole thing was a persuasive essay written about topics you don't know anything about? If that makes sense at all that is how my brain feels. I hear affirmations that it's okay to check out of things you can't control that hurt your mental health, so I scroll quickly past anything about animals and forests and climate change and any other global calamity that will send me into a spiral. But being ignorant of the woes of humanity is also bad and you shouldn't just ignore it? But I'm not really ignoring it I know that the entire world is on fire I'm just trying not to doom scroll? But I also can't do anything but vote because I have no money or power of any kind? And obsessing over the fate of humanity is not productive in helping the planet or myself. The whole you can't take care of anyone else if you can't take care of yourself thing. But people and the planet are dying, they are screaming out for someone to see their plight, and I just can't. I can't help. I can barely function. I can't even look or listen without falling apart.

And I have no communities anymore. I have no social media except this and to an extent reddit. I'm moving away from Reddit more every day. I'm starting to think Tmblr might have to be cut back too but I have no idea if that is an impulse b that serves me or not. Tumblr used to feel really fun, I've talked about this before, but as I use it I am becoming more conflicted. It's impossible to sanitize my dash of things I don't want to see. Blocking tags and people only goes so far. I even blocked a very popular fitness Tumblr because their posts were too saturated on my dash and they were reblogged so much (and the block doesn't stop reblogged posts for some reason) that I ended up just unblocking them because it was no different. I feel very little connection on this platform and it's growing weaker every day. I think I was hoping to get an intimate following that I could chat to but I realized that no one wants to interact with a faceless person who does very low key workouts, few selfies, and mostly personal posts in long rambling blogs no one reads. I think I thought that just by being myself I would attract people like me but I didn't. You still have to put effort into your blog, post the kind of thing people like to get people to see it. And people really like selfies and workout gifs. When I was posting a selfie every workout I was getting a ton of followers and messages and when I realized I didn't like that stuff anymore my blog went silent. And I hate myself for even caring but I just wanted to find a few like-minded people I might be able to talk to but I was just putting effort into the wrong things. I just made a blog that was fairly popular but required a lot of stuff I'm just not interested in doing anymore. It made me feel really alone because I realized some mutuals that I thought perhaps thought of me from time to time didn't and just liked workout selfies. I don't know why I expected different but I think I secretly hoped someone just silently cared about me and my journey but in reality they are just like me and just want to see fitness inspiration on their dash. So if I'm not posting inspiring personal victories I'm just screaming into the void.

I think I might move to just a private diary app. I'm not a bullet journaler at all, just a normal writing person and that's what I use Tumblr for almost exclusively now. I used to think my journals might be helpful for people. People like me who are struggling and trying to grow. I love reading peoples journal posts on here and it's one of the few things that makes me think there is hope in this community for me. But I quickly become embarrassed of the content on my journals, knowing that this isn't the kind of post that makes people what to interact with me and I private them. Now I have no idea why I'm doing this anymore. I like that I can just write here and I think deep down I want some validation in the notes but that validation instinct is unhealthy I think. I shouldn't show people my journal unprompted and then become desolate when no one cares that much. Everybody's got problems and mine are not unique. Perhaps my depression posts are just more negativity people have to scroll right past to make it through the day. I think I need to learn to be my own validation. I seek it here whether I like it or not. When I try to make this space my own and just do my own thing I still get sad watching no one care. Maybe if my feelings are too tied up in internet points I need to remove them. But this is my last piece of social media. I feel like I can't just check out from this too. What if I want it later? I will miss several blogs, but I just feel like I don't fit in. I'm not horny or seeking justice or lifting weights or going to the gym. I'm not even running. I'm just living a very low key healthy lifestyle with an emphasis on mental health. And it's getting to be such a personal journey that general platitudes and affirmations are falling flat. The fact that the place I thought was is now not really for me either. I feel the fitness community is much more open to people who try to go hard and fail but keep trying to go hard rather than people who realized they can only do a little and do it every day. I can do very, very little. I feel guilty for what I can do. I can fast easily, but working out is a struggle every day. Brushing my teeth and taking a shower is a struggle every day. Of course I can't go to the gym. I can barely get out of bed and go to work. I'm so envious of those who can make hard workouts and strict macros part of their life. But I feel like there are only two communities: the balls to the walls fitness community and the "it's okay if all you did today was breathe" mental health community. There is no "hey do hard things but only a little" community. My approach to health is not mirrored anywhere I can find anywhere. Maybe people with my philosophy are just out there doing it and not posting online about it. That is my instinct on this matter and it makes sense people like me just checked out. Maybe I should do the same

Eh. Idk. I don't know what serves me. I will try to figure it out after work. If my blog goes silent before long I guess this is why.