#and i froze up so bad that i just couldnt say anything because i didnt know what she meant

[caffeinatedopossum]

Ok so apparently it's not normal that whenever someone goes to a restaurant and I'm with them, I expect them to get just themselves food and then we leave. Like if you get me food or ask if I want anything I will in fact look at you like you're a stranger who just walked up and offered me a 100 dollar bill

[bloodycassian]

Tender - Azriel x reader - Pregnancy fic. Fem! reader. LONG!!! 

Prompt -  Hi! I just read most of your imagines, and i loved them!  You have me as your faithful follower, I don't comment much because English is not my first language. Could you write one where az manages to perceive that reader is pregnant right in the middle of the war?

You woke to yelling. Not screaming. Not fear or pain, but battle cries that you'd grown to love. They made your blood sing in harmony with the Illyrian voices. It made your heart hammer in your chest, and your muscles tense - ready to fight. Azriel groaned beside you, curling around your waist like a vise. You managed to break free from his muscled arms. Pale light shining through the tent tinted his shadows a light gray. They wrapped around you, drawing a chill down your spine. The war cries grew louder. "Get up. It's time." You shook him, pulling on your light armor. He covered his face with his hands, and did not leave the cot. He groaned again when you pulled the blanket off his mostly naked body. He was never a morning person.  Cassian rushed in when you were putting the last of your gear on, and Az froze. His grip on his pants went white knuckled. Cassian's face was pale, and before he could say anything Azriel was hurriedly pulling on the rest of his clothes. Your stomach dropped at the sight of the Warlord. "It's a diversion." You said, voice hollow. Cassian's slight nod was enough to make the breath leave you. "It's going to be fine." Azriel grunted, pulling his tunic over his head. "We just need to move the troops. Get Rhys here." He waved a hand at his brother dismissively.  Cassian grabbed Az's wrist.  He forced the male to look at him, to see his worried eyes. You tensed, ready to defend your mate even against Cassian's might. "Rhys is on the battlefield already. We're on our own." His voice was low, and the warning in his eyes was enough to make the hair on your arms raise. Azriel pulled away from him, slowly.  He began strapping his weapons belts on, pushed his hair back and sighed. "Where do you need us?"   The air was cold, and the howls of battle echoed across the hills. Azriel's shadows curled around your legs, comforting. Then they slithered their way across the valley where the battle was beginning.  + You could barely raise your sword by the end of it. The mud had been the most challenging part of the entire fight. The enemy horses had done a good job of making obstacles when they fell in the mud, lame with broken ankles and necks. You wished to put them out of their misery, but there was no time. The forces seemed to come in waves. Like a test against your small unit.  Few were lost from your side. The dewey grass steamed in the morning light, carrying up the reek of enemy blood with it. You wiped your face, trying to get the taste of dirt and blood out of your mouth. Sharp stinging pain seared your ribs under your arm. You hissed. Then, you felt the warmth of your own blood. You swore, and looked for a medic that wasn't tending to wounded on the ground.  Some Illyrian bodies were being lifted away, high into the air for burial at their homes. You dared not take a healer away from more critically injured soldiers. You nodded grimly to the ones that you passed. They were covered in blood, and yet still gave you fierce grins when you went by. They respected you. More than any other Illyrian Female before you. It was sad, but you hoped to forge a new path for other females of Illyria. You held an arm under your side and limped your way out of the mud. The packed mess inside your boots made moving your feet hard. You couldn't wait to shower.  You spotted Cassian far down the field, and watched as he raised his sword high over his head. Your stomach twisted in pity for the suffering animal under him. You looked away before you could see the lifeblood drain from the horse's neck. He sent a blessing to the Mother for the animal, and continued on to the next suffering soul that would meet its end via his blade.  + You hadn't seen her in a long while. Too long for a friend, but she gave you that same look she always did when she saw you hobbling up to her for help. Jeva was your favorite healer, and one you knew could keep a secret. She was round, and her voice was light and comforting. She smelled of nutmeg and berries. Something you had appreciated about her since you had met. "What is it this time?" She waved you inside, holding the tent flap open for you while you dumped your battle stained gear on the wood hutch beside the entrance.  The tent was light and airy, filled with small plants of different varieties and cluttered with boxes and books everywhere. Her desk and bed were shoved to the corner, and a long wood table took up the majority of her area. As if she had known you were coming, she already had potions of different types laid out on the end of the table. "Probably nothing." You said, pulling off your armor as gingerly as you could manage. The soft light flickered and changed to a harsh beam when she laid you down on her exam table. "I'm not supposed to be healing anymore you know. I'm retired." She clicked her tongue at you, earning a pained grin. It was hard for you to bother a healer for any amount of time for something that you were sure was so small. But something about it stung too much for it to be just a scrape. And you knew Cassian would lecture you about it being infected if he saw through your mask to the pain. Az would force you to see one anyway as soon as he learned of it.  "You know I wouldnt be here unless I had to be, Jeva." You said through your teeth as she cut away your muddied undershirt.  "Oh, I know. That's why I have my best potions ready." She laughed, then paused. Your shirt lay limp on the table. Her eyebrows knitted together at the sight of your open wound. "Is it bad?" You asked, craning to try to look for yourself. She held you down.  "Metal. Fragments are still in here, likely why it hasn't healed yet." You relaxed at that, grateful that it wasn't worse. "Thank the Mother. Az would have yelled all night." You rolled your eyes, and sighed as she started working on you. The first part was always the worst. The stinging hot potion that made the nerves around the wound numb.  "One-" She began her countdown, then poured. You growled at her, gripping the end of the stained table hard enough to crack. "Easy..." She warned, and smoothed down your hair. She knew how to take care of her patients, that was certain. You relaxed as the stinging eased. The dull ache that it left behind turned into a bad memory.  "I'm going to extract the blade then we can close you up. Simple and easy." She picked up her tools and began tugging away at your side. You could have fallen asleep with the relief the numbing potion brought. And with her humming in the air around you, it was a struggle not to. The time seemed to pass quickly, but when the clank of the metal tools jolted you from your dozing, the tent was lit in orange from the sunset outside. "Relax, we're going to close it up now. Once the potion wears off you will still be sensitive." She placed her hands over you, and the familiar warm vibrations of her healing magic set in. Then it stopped abruptly. You cracked open an eye, then narrowed your brows at her. "What is it?" You said gently, then again when she didnt reply. She stared at you, mouth agape. Her eyes locked to yours, even when you sat up to demand she tell you what the problem was. "Am I dying?!" you took her hand gently, in case she was going to push you away.  Then she started laughing, her hand gripping yours back. The warmth glowed in your palm, the light radiating out from it was starkly contrasting the tent walls bedecked in orange. The light she emitted shot through you, and you felt the wound tingle, and seal. You stared at her in shock. That amount of healing power was incredible. Especially for field medics.  "Youre not dying, no..." She waved a hand, fanning herself. Her eyes were glassy with tears. She sniffed and clutched your hand tighter. "Quite the opposite, darling." She pulled you in for a warm hug.  + You spent the rest of the evening with Jeva. Until she got a hurried message about student healers needing help on the battlefield. You stayed in her tent as long as you could manage with the ringing in your ears. You stared and stared at the mirror across from you, showing you the bloodied warrior that you wanted to be. That you wanted to stay.  The warrior that carried the Shadowsinger's child.  The thought made tears sting your eyes. You refused to let them fall. You had been ignoring his tugs down the bond for well over an hour. You knew he was concerned, but you couldn't bring yourself to shout back down. The only thing that echoed in your mind were Jeva's words "You're pregnant..."  Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.  You nearly punched her when she told you she wasn't joking. The only reason you even believed her was because of that powerful zap of healing she sent to you. That she sent to scan your body and make sure the fetus was okay before you even knew about it. You could barely hear half the words she said as she told you your options.  You roiled with the thought now. The Mugwart she left on the table was daunting. You desperately wanted her back. Jeva would be able to deliberate with you. You knew she would tell you to do whatever makes you happy. You knew that. But you wondered how ethical the choice that made you happy was. Bringing a child into a world of war seemed cruel. Even if it made you happy. You distantly noticed Azriel as you passed him, walking to the forest edge just passed your tent. Worry laced the bond between you. You tried not to show anything back. But you knew he felt the tension, the void there. "Where the hell have you been?!" Azriel's eyes were furious when you passed him, his wings flared out slightly. You couldnt even look at him with anger back. Your emotions ran wild. You were frozen, and as numb as the potion Jeva had given you when she began removing the blade.  "Do you know how worried I have been?! I sent Cassian to-" He tried to grab for your hand to stop you, but you flicked him away. He stopped for a moment, stunned. Then returned with more energy than before. That yawning abyss in your bond was growing darker with shame, worry and anxiety. His shadows roiled around him as he caught up. "You dont get to-" "Azriel..." You stopped in the edge of the clearing. The small meadow was silent in the darkness, not even the monsters of Prythian dared roar tonight. Your mind did all the roaring you could handle, anyway. You tried to focus on the swaying grass, on the soft smell of wet bark and pine hanging in the air.  "Dont try to excuse this I need to know you're okay and-" He stormed in front of you, ready to burst with rage. His fear always made him angry. And for good reason after losing so many close to him.  A tear ran down your cheek, your face burned hot with hundreds of feelings at once. Fear, pain, shock, joy, hope.... elation. You wanted his children. You wanted to help raise his child. You wanted to see Azriel be a father. You knew he would be the best damn Illyrian father there had ever been.  The thought hit you like a well placed punch.  He saw your paleness, your tears and stopped his yelling. You fell to your knees, the mud splattering all around you. You wanted to lay down. Lay down and think about the implications of carrying his child. Would it be good for the baby to be born at all? Just because you wanted it didnt mean it needed to happen. You knew that Jeva would give you a potion to extract it without hesitation if it was what you wished. "I'm-" You choked out, fighting the panic that flooded you. Your mind roiled with the conflict of your mind and heart. It turned you into a muddied, dark ocean on the bond. A turmoil that he couldn't see past. If you were an ocean, he was your lighthouse on the cliffside. Signaling you home.   His eyes darted to your body, to your hands and how they wrung together in front of you. "I'm sorry. I just-" He sighed and took one of your hands. "I'm sorry." He kissed the back of it and brought his forehead to yours. He normally needed a lot longer to cool down after a fight, but seeing you in tears shocked him out of his pride. "I shouldn't have said that... I know you can take care of yourself." his voice was low, and he ran a hand comfortingly down your back. A hysteric laugh bubbled from your throat. It sounded like a sob. You didn't know exactly which it was. He sat back and pulled you into his lap, despite the grass being dewey and damp. He rocked you there for a few seconds before you had to tell him. Before he could be too close if he didnt want you anymore. The doubt crept into your head, and the nerves ate at you. Your heart raced, you could feel it in your neck. "Azriel..stop." You pushed away from him, to catch his beautiful dark eyes. They were painted in a silver hue by the moon above. You took in his face, the curve of his cheeks and lips for possibly the last time. You had to consider the worst possible outcome. You braced yourself for the rejection, for the pain of his reaction. You knew it had to come out. You knew you had to say it now or you never would. Your stomach flipped over and over.  You opened your mouth, a soft sob wracking out of you before you began. He froze. Went utterly still, his shadows even stopping for a second before whirling faster than before. Your eyes went wide. His nose flared, eyes narrowed. He held you closer, sniffing at your neck. He pulled back and his eyes were even wider than before. His mouth fell open when you nodded. "I'm-" "Youre-" his face went through a whirlwind of different emotion. Then, he broke out into a small laugh. He couldn't stop. You felt the tears running down your cheeks and didnt bother to wipe them away. "Honey... I'm sorry." He stopped laughing suddenly. "What do you want to do?" His eyes were masked, his expression the most serious you'd ever seen him. His aura on your bond seemed to go completely gray and still, as if he didn't want you to see him. He masked everything. In preparation for whatever you decide. The gesture made your heart squeeze in appreciation. You stammered, resting your forehead on his. "I dont know." You muttered, voice cracking. Then, he was wrapping his arms around you in a smothering hug. When he pulled away, he cradled your face in his hands. The hands that had seen so much cruelty in his life. The possibilities of the same thing happening to your child made your heart race. "I'm here for whatever decision you make." He brushed your cheek with a thumb. You nodded and let him hold you like that for a while. Quietly rocking back and forth with you in his lap. + You were near falling asleep when the war cries rang out again. Illyrians howling for their leaders to join them. Another onslaught of death coming their way. The calls were distant, but Azriel tensed the second he heard them. Your blood went cold. He buried his face to your chest, as if he wished he could hide there. "I'm not going." He said when you tried pushing him away. "I wont leave you." He promised, locking his muscled forearms around you. The echoes of battle cries faded. He stroked your hair, and traced his fingers along your back. Then he swore. "Let me take care of this." He said, voice edged with anger. Nerves pricked at your stomach, but you stood, wobbling on your feet slightly. He took off into the night sky painted in silvers and blues by the full moon. Then came racing back down right behind Rhys. the high lord took one breath and then he was hugging his brother. Azriel shoved him off, and they shot into the night sky. Well, Azriel did. He dragged Rhys with him. Grunts of pain and fleshy sounds of punching rang out.  You followed them high into the air where they had their conversation. Your wings led you around them with ease. "Stop fighting and use your words, boys." You warned. You recognized Azriels growl and smiled to yourself as they broke apart. Rhys adjusted his tunic and cleared his throat. "I need you there. Cassian is handling the Western front, the others need a leader."  Azriel began protesting against the high lord. "I cant with my mate-" "I know it feels impossible right now but-" "I will not, Rhys-" You set your jaw. If they wanted to fight over if you needed protection or not, you would take the option off the table all together. "I'll go." you said, voice strong since hearing Jeva announce what grew inside you. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. You shoved the thoughts away as far as you could. They both turned to you, horror striking Azriels features. "Absolutely not. No." Heat and rage flared down the bond. It made you want to defy everything he said. You locked eyes with him and glared. Rhys glanced between you with tense shoulders. He cleared his throat. "It would be a good compromise, Azriel. You can go together to the Eastern front. Think about it." He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and gave him a grim smile.  "I wont say a word." He said, summoning the darkness around him then winnowing away. Azriel's cold eyes made him look like a statue. "Let's go." He said, and started circling lower. Back to the meadow.  "I'm going, you cant stop me from following you." You said, expecting a fight. He said nothing. You were met with that silence that drove others crazy tryin to find out what he wanted from them. The bond seemed to snap taut, then go into a relaxed state. He was hiding. You knew it, but would rather have silence and peace than him trying to fight you again.  He walked you back to the tent, and exhaustion took you under before you could remember him laying down with you. You hoped it it was exhaustion, and not whatever the baby was doing to you. Despite your best efforts, you couldn't resist the urge to cradle your belly while you slept. There was no bump, but it felt like the most natural thing to do now that you were aware of the being inside you. You slept hard, and awoke to the breakfast bell chiming. The sounds of slow footsteps marching through the mud kept you awake. Azriel was gone, but the candle on the table was lit. A note lay there waiting for you. His messy scrawl made you smile, the familiarity of his writing reminded you of the notes he would leave you when he had to leave early for meetings with Rhys. "Back by nightfall, lover. A guard is at the tent, ask her to bring you anything you need. -A" You peeked outside the tent to see Jeva there, her long fur coat shimmering in the morning light. Her breath clouded in front of her when she gave you a soft smile. "Good morning." She pulled a muffin from her coat. "Your favorite." She winked, and you pulled her inside. She had a fire roaring by the time you finished your food. "How are you not freezing?" She complained, blowing into her hands to keep them warm. You brushed the crumbs from your shirt and really took into account the changes you'd noticed lately. How hungry you'd been, how tired after the easiest days.  "Do you know... How um..." You gestured to your stomach. She gave a small smile and nodded. "Only a month or so." She said quietly. You stared at your stomach, as if waiting for something to answer you. To give some sort of affirmation that Jeva was right. She continued warming herself by the fire, and soon the tent was filled with her warm chestnut smell. Cassian entered the tent when you were starting to doze off again. The wool blanket on your lap reminded you of a time when you first met Az. Your heart squeezed at the memory of those long nights shared together by a fire. Taking your turns on watch duty. You shook yourself from the memory. Cassian froze. His face scrunched up at the sight of you. The scent, you realised. You swore to yourself, and Jeva only nodded when he looked to her. "Youre pregnant?" He asked breathlessly, and you could smell the fear and excitement coming from him. In fact, you could smell the smoked meat on his breath. And the cold air that clung to him from outside. It was refreshing, like a cool drink on a hot day amid the dry heat inside the tent. "I'm sorry, I shouldnt have.." He ran a hand through his hair, trying to remain focused.  "Its okay, Cass. What's going on? Az left me this note." You handed it to him. His lips moved as he read it. He went white as bone. Your stomach dropped.  + Azriel had gone in the night to take out the entire eastern flank with a small group of Illyrians. You felt your world skittering away as Cassian told you. Your vision went blurry, and tears fell, dripping on your hands that clenched the wool blanket.  "He's on his way here now. He had to answer to Rhys first."  Cassian waited for you to say anything. But your lips just couldnt form the words. The hurt, anger... the betrayal you felt for him going to battle without you. And defying a direct order from his high lord like a fool. "I suggest you leave before Azriel comes back. It may get messy." Jeva spoke for you, and you were grateful. You gave Cassian a nod of thanks before he turned and left. The cold wind that blew in from the door gave you goosebumps.  "Take it easy, you dont want to be too stressed." Jeva handed you a mug of tea and gave you a small squeeze. You could smell Azriel before he entered. Jeva shot him a glare, but said nothing. "I'll be in my tent if you need me." She promised, gave you a look that said 'find me after' and left. Azriel took off his armor plates one by one. A bit too slowly to be considered normal. Stalling. You said nothing. You let the tension roil out of you, let it hit him down the bond. Like a wave getting ready to break. He rolled his shoulders, stretched his wings.  The mask he wore cracked when he saw your fists balled in the blanket. "I couldnt risk you... or the babe." He tried to hide the fear that shone through. The fear of his mate or child being hurt in battle. He wouldnt be able to stand it. The fight was needed, anyway. He needed to get out his instincts to protect protect protect.  You said nothing. You let that looming wave grow larger. He sighed, and sat at the end of the cot beside you. "I'm sorry. I needed....I needed to get my head straight. I should have told you. I'm sorry." That wave crashed, not on him though. Internally, guilt and fear melting in on yourself. "I cant lose you, we... We cant." You said through your teeth, trying to hold back the tears that begged to spill over. He tried his best to hold back his surprise. "We?" He asked, a small smile playing on his full lips.  You gave him a grim smile. "If you're...ready to be a father. I like imagining you, with my child."  "Our child." He said with a bubbling laugh. You laughed with him, and it turned to hysterics.  He wiped tears from the corner of your eyes. "We're going to have a baby?" He cradled your face, looking into your eyes. You took one of his hands, and placed it on your flat belly. "Yes. We are." You said, voice quivering.  He wrapped you into a hug, and you cried together in the cot. 

[thithesandofferings]

“Open Wide”- Ogami Shirou x Reader

TW: 18+ MINORS DNI!! Dom!Shirou/Sub!FemReader, Comeplay, Choking, Voice Kink, Rough Sex, Praise Kink, Degradation, lil bit Size Kink SMUT!!

This is bad .

“Look at you Alan, I thought you said Purebloods didnt get Nirvalys Syndrome? Let me put in into you, before you lose your mind”

Who says stuff like that to the enemy? Ive never seen Shiro this angry before. Especially to say words like that. He barely speaks at all most days. Only when he absolutely has to. This should surprise me or- or stress me out but-

It's so hot.

Link to my Ao3 for this fic= https://archiveofourown.org/works/25414948

This is bad .

“Look at you Alan, I thought you said Purebloods didnt get Nirvalys Syndrome? Let me put it into you, before you lose your mind”

Who says stuff like that to the enemy? Ive never seen Shirou this angry before. Especially to say words such as that. He barely speaks at all most days. Only when he has to. This should surprise me or- or stress me out but-

It's so hot.

“Hey you! Look alive we gotta go!” Michiru yelled, startling me out of a downward spiral.

She was right. I had to get out of there before the place was destroyed to shreds. I could barely think. All I could think about was Shirou splitting that evil bastard's mouth open and putting his power inside it.

I couldnt help but feel jealous.

His wolf had such a presence on its own, how could I not be affected.

I needed to get it together, there were still people that needed to be saved. I shook my head and ran after Michiru towards Shirou. She was chattering excitedly, but I honestly couldnt understand anything she was saying. My eyes were on him.

He must’ve caught something in my gaze because he turned his attention to me.

“You okay?” His voice was gruff from exertion and I had to take a calming breath from the shiver that coursed down my spine. He caught that too.

“I should be asking you that Shirou” I looked away, but with a sideways glance I grumbled that he was, in fact, amazing. He raised his nose a notch, almost an afterthought,  and I could see him take a deep breath.

With his penetrating gaze solely on mine, I could feel my pulse jump and my temperature rack up a thousand degrees, I had to look away. He scoffed, almost smugly, and slid attention back to Michiru, who was still talking and running around. Something about having Shirou howl to the town.

We watched as he changed into his silver wolf form again to howl into the microphone. It was a beautiful site to see. Seeing all the animals completely stop what they were doing just to howl with him. Alan had no idea what he had been talking about.

Shirou had the Howl.

Michiro and I could only watch in awe. We were born human turned animals so we didnt have the innate instinct to go along with him. It was such an eye-opening experience, so much so that I felt a little empty at not being able to do it. Shirou looked so regal, the urge to fall on my knees in front of him was an encompassing feeling.

Shaking violently at the thought, I had to blow out a long soul-suffering sigh. Michiru glanced with eyebrows in an “are you okay” motion and I could only just nod.

What is going on with me? Where are my thoughts?

I had hoped that thoughts of Shirou would leave. The attention was of us and finally life was, in all intensive purposes, back to normal. Michiru was able to hang out with her fellow friends, and I- was able to start my work in the office.

Except, I could get nothing done.

Shirou was constantly in my peripheral, working on whatever case was in that week. But when he wasnt there, he was in my mind whispering in his growling voice about the things he could do to me.

I was dying.

There would be times where I would stare at a research book, never turning the page, just staring. It was becoming so hectic that Shirou asked if I needed time off.

“I know its been hard for everyone” Shirou had said. He had been in that leather jacket again. Who wears gloves inside? Why was it so hot?

Its not fair.

“What's not fair?” I looked up from his gloved hands and I could feel my heart rate sky rocket in panic.

I said that out loud.

His gaze is so piercing, it felt like he was staring into my soul. He was leaning on my door frame, completely relaxed. His usual bored expression was placed with something that was almost- teasing? Not that couldnt be right.

But it had been the same expression and mood for weeks now. His casual bumps and grins were so much that Ive had to actively avoid him before I had a heart attack. I wasnt in control of my emotions half the time, so any sort of embarrassment would make me change into my animal form. Even through his cold demeanor, it still seemed like he was laughing at me. I'm sure he could tell that I was flustered, especially when he turned into his wolf form. It always made my blood pressure go up and something slick slide down my thighs.

Which is what was happening now.

Oh no.

I prayed that he wouldnt notice anything amiss, but the world wasnt on my side. He lifted his nose up again and sniffed. It was as if he was trying to find someone miles away, but when he finally looked towards me, his pupils were wide open. Alert.

“You never answered my question.”

There was a hitch in my breath at that tone. That growl that Ive been dreaming about for weeks.

I’m so fucked.

“I-i uhm… sorry what?” I could feel myself blinking rapidly. I couldn’t get my thoughts in order. This was getting ridiculous.

“You humans are very odd,” Shirou rose up from the door, and for a moment I felt relief only to freeze when he closed my door.

With him still inside. We’re alone.

“You even more so.”

He walked slowly towards my desk. Well more like prowled. There was intent in his walk.

I’ve never felt more like prey than right now.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me” He’s whispering now. His gloved fingers gently spread out to the edge of my desk and he leans over it.

He’s so close.

“I smell you all day. Its intoxicating.” One hand lifts up and brushes my cheek, I know he can feel the heat.

“You’re the first human that I have ever wanted”

I froze.

Hes been feeling the same? From his expression and the dropping of at least two octaves, it was definitely confirmed.

“I- uh I want you too” My voice was hoarse from emotion. He could hear it just fine it seemed because if his pupils werent blown out before, they sure were now.

Shirou visibly licked his lips and I couldn’t help but follow the motion. He watched me watch him and he grinned, showing his fangs in satisfaction.

“Good because I plan to devour you. Stand up”

I could barely hear the order due to his growling. His ravenous expression was drowning me. I was swimming in heat and desire.

“I wont ask again”

Shirous’ voice snapped me back into reality and with shaky sweaty palms I pushed my chair away and stood. He never told me to move so I just stayed there. He seemed very pleased that I didn’t move.

Not like I could, I was barely able to breathe.

He stalked slowly around my desk until he was behind me, moving the chair completely across the room. It crashed into a plant and I jumped, still not moving an inch.

I could feel his breath across my nape and goosebumps coursed down my skin. I could feel him smelling my hair, breathing in the sweat that I felt that I was pouring out. I tried to move away, embarrassed, but I could feel his grip tighten and him growl at my into my neck.

“Stay still” He whispered. “You can be a good girl and do that for me right?”

I froze at the pet name. I’ve never heard him call me anything other than my last name. I couldn’t believe how it affected at me. I could feel myself become even more drenched.

He could tell.

“Oh? You like that huh?”

I felt his leathered hands slide slowly underneath my shirt and palm my breast. I gasped, my head falling on his shoulder at the groping. This was getting intense fast. I heard something tearing and tried to glance down only to have one of his hands press lightly at my neck. Holding me still.

Shirou shushed me, keeping his hand curled around my throat. Murmuring something about not needing this or that, I felt fabric fall at my feet and my chest became covered in hot leather. I let out a choked moan, only to have his grip tightened.

“You’re gonna have to be a quiet pup, you don't want all your colleagues to know what you're doing right?” He was so mocking, I couldnt help but feel flustered with how demeaning he sounded.

I nodded knowing I couldnt say anything in this position.

“Thats right, good girl, now go on bend over the desk” He slipped his hands away and disorientation readily slid back into my head.

I laid over my desk, paper be damned, and wrapped my hands over the edge to hold on. I heard him growl in confirmation at the act and I preened at the act of pleasing him.

I’ve never felt this way. I was completely ok with him taking the reigns. I didnt have many braincells left, I could barely think. All I could do was just do.

Shirou hands caressed my ass in appreciation, his ungloved hand (when had that happened?) made a purposeful track up to my waistband, hastily taking them off. I was completely soaked and hearing him swear obscenities definitely didnt help.

“I can’t wait to knot you, pup” I felt his weight against me, his bare chest completely covering my whole body. He was so warm, degrees hotter than his normal, his breath hot on my cheek as he licked my face from chin to forehead.

“The real question is,” he says through licks down my spine. “Which form do I want to take you hm?” I shivered violently at the thought of Shirou taking me in my wolf form. Outside of Anima city it is forbidden to have any of those kind of thoughts. But you couldnt help that you constantly thought about Shirou fucking you in his wolf form.

I could hear his deep chuckle at my spine. He knew my answer.

I felt him nose my wetness and my breath hitches. It didnt last for more than 5 seconds and I could hear myself grown out against the desk.

“I would love to taste you, but unfortunately we dont have that kind of time.” There was a zipping noise and I tensed, gushing even more at the thought of what it could be.

“I would need hours to be satisfied from your taste” He is suddenly in my ear. “But I plan to fuck you like you need it.”

I could hear myself mewling at the thought. I’ve been wanting this for weeks. I cant believe someone like Shirou even wants to touch me. Shirou, cool-mannered and distant, wants to fuck me five ways to Sunday is honeslty an eye opening experience.

There is a clicking sound and I gasped. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didnt feel the fingers. I could feel myself clenching around and my mewling became even louder. Colleagues be damned.

There was an surprised hum from behind me.

“You’ve been touching yourself?” All I could do was nod embarrassed. He cooed sweetly and added 3 fingers inside of me.

“What were you thinking about? Were you thinking of me? Tell me” I gasped in affirmations. I couldnt take it anymore. I needed inside of me now.

I felt like I was going to die.

“P-please Shiro, I need it.”

“You need what pup?” He grinned savagely and I felt something hard and hot against me.

I wiggled in frustration. Only to have him laugh and hold my hips still. Using his strength to make me stay still.

I was going to have bruises.

“Please fuck me Shirou” I whispered into my shoulder. I knew he could hear me. I felt my chest tighten at the gasp and growl.

“Good girl.” I shivered and gasped as he pushed the head in with a savage force of his hips.

“I wont hold back pup” He laid his furry chest against my back “You might be ruined for any one else.”

“I dont want you to Shirou, give me your all”

A growl was heard and then the most intense feeling of my life was radiating through my whole body.

He thrusted so hard that I could hear the desk screeching. The other colleagues, if they were still there, would definitely hear it. I prayed that they weren’t gonna check to see if I was okay. I wouldnt be able to speak anyways. I’m pretty much holding on dear life on the desk. There was no way I was able to explain anything.

Shirou didn’t seem to care either. The constant growling and heavy breathing that was coming from him was telling.

“Youre so tight, I cant believe all of me fit inside of you” He groaned and all I could do was tighten around him, which made him go even faster. There was a crack from the desk, but I ignored it. All I could concentrate on was the heat and his cock bruising my insides.

“Mine mine mine MINE” He stopped abruptly and pulled out. Only to pick me up effortlessly and turn me around, my back hitting the desk.

He entered me again and with that the world was crashing around me. I’d never come so fast in my life. Watching him in his wolf form growl over me as he pounded me into the afterlife, I wasnt gonna last long.

Seemed like he wasnt either, his thrust got more savage and I got louder. He took his right hand and placed it at my throat again to cut off the noise.

“Be quiet while I shove my knot inside you, I need to concentrate” It made me fall again, shivering while he grinded his knot inside me. He came with a roar, tightening his hands on my throat, cutting off my sound.

“Shhhh, good girl, you did so good” He whispered praises to me while he continued to grind himself inside me. He lifted his hand and I gasped dazed.

He looked up at me and caught my disheveled appearance and grinned.

“Dont move, I’m not done.”

I returned the grin.

“Good Shirou, cause neither am I”

[creweemmaeec11]

Kind Touch Pt 2

Snippet continuation as requested by @why-am-i-on-this-website-anyway I hope you enjoy it!

First part here

-----------------------------------------

The villain jolted up, gasping for air as they awoke from their nightmare. They pinned their eyes shut, trying to calm their rapid breathing.

Suddenly they heard the door open and the light flick on.

They turned their head away instinctively, trying to hide their face.

"Hey," the hero greeted in a soft voice, "everything okay? Nightmares again?"

The villain did their best to glare, but it utterly failed, they ended up looking more pleading then anything.

The hero gave them a sympathetic smile, sitting down next to them in the chair adjacent to their single bed.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

The villain gave a small shake of their head, pulling on their still trapped wrists.

Their breath hitched, body going ridgid as they felt the hero place their hand on their back, gliding it up and down gently, trying to sooth them.

Despite thier best efforts, the touch still made them shiver.

"How are you still so touch starved?" The hero asked quietly, the question meant more for themselves then for the villain.

Regardless, the villain still flinched, ducking their head down as if they were ashamed.

"I'm a villain," they grumbled, "we don't exactly go around giving out hugs,"

"Alright, I have an idea," the hero said as they stood up, unlocking the villains wrists.

"Uhm, what are you-" The villain asked in confusion as they were helped to their feet.

"Come on," The hero stated matter of factly, leaving no room to argue. The villain simply followed in confusion, blushing at the contact of the hand that was still holding theirs as the hero guided them.

They were led through a hallway, and into what looked like the heros bedroom.

But... that couldnt be right... could it? Because why would the villain be here?

"Uhm... what's...?" The villain muttered as the hero let go of their hand to do something at their closet. When they turned around, they had an extra pillow.

"Come on, your sleeping with me tonight," they explained, as if that was a normal thing to say.

"*excuse me?!*" The villain replied in shock.

"Oh come on, the last time you were having nightmares I started playing with your hair while you were asleep and you immediately relaxed,"

"*What!?*" the villain sputtered, face bright red.

The hero chuckled slightly, "yep, so having me here will help with both your nightmares and how touch starved you are, and having you here will help me sleep because I won't be worried about you, it's a win win,"

The villain stared, both their mind and body frozen as they tried to process what the hero was saying.

The hero had sense crawled into bed under the covers, and pulled them back for the villain to climb in next to them. They stared at the other, waiting.

"Your just... going to sleep next to me... with my hands unlocked?" The villain managed to question.

The hero simply raised an eyebrow, "do I *need* to lock up your hands?"

"I- well- no, but-"

"Exactly, so come here already," the hero said plainly, opening their arms.

The villain froze, staring. They knew this was wrong, they were a villain!

But gods, were they tired, it had been so long sense they had a good nights sleep, and the heros arms looked so warm and safe.

They shouldn't, they shouldn't look *safe* when you were the *enemy*. The villain knew that, but all the soft, kind touches the past week had been such a nice change. It was something they hadn't known they'd needed so badly.

Maybe it was the concussion talking. Maybe they could blame it on exhaustion, but just because this was wrong, didnt mean much to a villain. Villains were known to do wrong.

Finially, something caved, and the villain stepped forward hesitantly. They didnt crawl into the heros arms however, and simply sat down on the bed, before laying down next to them slowly to avoid a head rush.

"Rude," the hero joked, looking at their still empty arms.

"I'm just too tired to argue with you and arent about to pass up the opportunity to sleep without being in cuffs," the villain defended stubbornly, "that dosent mean I'm about to crawl into your arms like a love sick puppy and- hey!-"

They were cut off by an arm wrapping underneath them and pulling them closer. They were still too physically weak to do much more then feebly push their hands against the hero, trying to push away.

They had been too surprised to speak, and before they could, the hero spoke up.

"Relax, I won't force you if your *actually* uncomfortable with it, but I have a feeling this is another one of those things your telling me not to do cuz of this 'big, bad, heartless' persona your trying to keep up,"

The hero gave them a pointed look, which made the villain feel almost stupid, for not wanting to *cuddle* like a *child*, for being embarrassed about such a thing. As if the villain was being silly for making any kind of big deal over this.

But... well... the hero was right. The hero felt so warm next to them, their arm around their back, hand on their side, waiting for the villain to make the finial move of settling against their chest.

There was a war going on inside the villains head, a battle between ego, pride, reputation and the craving of comfort, the warmth, safety. And right now, such things as pride seemed such meaningless things, because after a moment of consideration, the villain hesitantly settled down, resting their head against the heros chest.

The second they gave in, they felt the hero pull them closer, holding them tightly against their chest and side. With their other hand, they threw the blankets over them and turned off the light.

The villain chest swirled with more feelings then they'd ever remebered feeling at once. They thanked god for the fact the hero was above them, and that the lights were off, so the hero couldnt see just how red their face was.

At the same time, they didnt regret giving in for a second, because they couldn't remeber the last time they were this comfortable, if they'd ever been before. They could hear the heros heart beat, starting to regret every time they'd made it race.

After a couple moments of silence, and simply listening to each others breathing, the villain felt the hand on their back move. And while at first the villain missed the contact, when the hand landed in their hair, they found they didn't really mind.

Unbeknownst to the villain the hero was using their night vision, watching the villain idly trace the patterns on the blanket with the biggest, fondest smile on their face. They tipped their head against the villain's, feeling them freeze for a moment, but as soon as the hero scratched the villains scalp gently, they immediately melted against then again.

It should be illegal for someone to be this cute.

Part 3

[ryvgvji]

hi! i was windering can you write a reaction with sero, kaminari, karishima, and tokoyami where their s/o bans sex for 3 weeks? i dont know if you write nsfw at becuase i couldnt fund rules, but you dont have to if you feel uncomfortable☺️

yes sorry about that, i don’t have rules yet, i have to make them 😅 my fault. but yes i do write nsfw stuff for both kpop and anime. but anyways here’s your reaction☺️ hope you like it!! sorry if it’s not the best

(apologies for any grammar errors.)

✰ characters : Ejirou Kirishima, Denki Kaminari, Fumikage Tokoyami, Hanta Sero.

✰ banning Sero, Kirishima, Kaminari and Tokoyami for 3 whole weeks, how will these boys handle that?

Hanta Sero

Sero getting banned from sex , wonder how that happened

most likely happened because Sero would be making fun of you

he and Kaminari would be talking about relationships when suddenly the topic sex came up

Kaminari would talk about how his girlfriend would moan and cry in the bedroom begging him to not stop and go harder

“She be like , ahhh Denki , fuck me hard baby!!” laughing as he mocked her moans

Sero would die laughing , rolling on the floor

“y/n is the same way!” he says as he dries his eyes

“oh Sero , daddy! right there!” he mocked you not at all realizing that he just exposed you

next day at school Kaminari mentions the conversation that him and Sero had

“y/n i didn’t know that you called Sero daddy.”

you almost choke on your food when you hear what Kaminari said

“w-who said that?!”

Kaminari points Sero who’s eyes were basically popping out of their socket

you glared at him wanting to knock him into next week

when i say Sero almost shitted his pants

“baby i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to make fun of you!!” he whines as he trails behind you to you room. you turn around and stare at him. “Sero you mocked me and revealed that i call you daddy during sex, are you really sorry about that?” he doesn't answer instead, he looks at the floor in guilt.

“baby i’m really sorry, you have to believe me,” he said as he grabs a hold of your hand. you look up at him. you could see that he was genuinely sorry. “please! i’ll do anything just please, forgive me.” he practically begs. anything? you think to yourself. a smirk creeps upon your face as you slipped your hand out of his hold. “anything you say?” you cross your arms over your chest. he rapidly nods in response. the perfect punishment pops into your head.

“no sex for three weeks.” you say blandly. Sero’s heart stops. “n-no what?” he stutters. he’s wondering if his ears heard correct. there was no possible way that you could say that to him. that was something that you would never put him through right? wrong! “no. sex. for. three. weeks.” Sero falls to his knees. he looks up at you like a hurt puppy. “baby no, don’t do this to me. i’m sorry. what i did was wrong, completely wrong. just please, i’m begging you. don’t do this.” his eyes somewhat glossy feeling his emotions go crazy. he couldn’t even think about the amount of torture that he would be put through. there was no way that he was gonna last for that long. “you should thought about that before daddy.” you tease lowly as you caress his cheek. you then walk off and leave him there to mope.

the whole three weeks were straight hell for Sero. he was super horny. he would always apologize and tell you he’s sorry everyday, asking you to let up in his punishment. that didn’t work and he would just sulk for the entire rest of the day. all he wants to hold you in his arms again and make you scream his name. when the three weeks were finally up he didn’t waste anytime. right after school he took you straight to his dorm and fucked you so hard that you were limping the next day. “baby, you’ve had me waiting for way to long.”

Ejirou Kirishima

let’s all think about how this all started first...

this started because Kirishima would promise you that he’d take you out on a date

“babe let’s go out together tomorrow after school.”

SIKE! ain’t happening

he ended up going to hang with Bakugo instead, totally forgetting what he promised to you

he spend the while afternoon and evening out with Bakugo leaving you mad and hurt

the next day at school you completely ignore him, walking away and avoiding him anytime that he comes up to you

he even ends up getting a couple of stank eyes from Mina and Momo.

when he practically harrasses you on the way back to the dorms , you finally tell him what’s up

“you stood me up Kirishima.”

that’s when he finally realized

“oh my god, y/n, baby i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to make you upset baby. Bakugo asked me to go with him somewhere yesterday and i didnt remember.” he rambles. you really didn't have a care in the world for what he was saying, your just upset that he stood you up for that his friend, Bakugo any less.

“so Bakugo is more important than me?” you roll your eyes. “baby of course not! what kind of stupid question is that?!” you let out a ‘hm’ and searched through your tv for something to watch. Kirishima grabbed a hold of your hand and make eye contact with you. “baby, i’m really sorry. i understand if your mad at me and i will accept my punishment.” punishment? you weren’t thinking of any punishments, you just are upset with him. but since he mentioned, you guess it’s best that you come up with one.

suddenly an idea pops into your brain. “how about no sex for three weeks?” you say with a innocent smile. Kirishima’s body froze. “babe... what’d you just say?” he asked you. you chuckled slightly. “i said, no sex for three weeks.” you leaned forward and place a light kiss on his lips. he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him, moving his head to the crook of your neck. “baby, you don’t mean that right?” he whisper against your skin, teeth light grazing the area. you almost shudder at the feeling, but you have to keep it together. “yes i do. and it starts right now.” you said and pushed him away.

Kirishima had never been in so much pain. he felt like he was gonna die. honestly for the whole three weeks, his whole demeanor was changed. he wasn’t as cheerful. he’d try everyday to get you to give up; grabbing your thigh under the table, kissing lightly on your neck, grabbing your ass even. unfortunately for him, that didn’t work. when it finally came to the last day of the punishment, he could not hold in his anticipation. he’d just skip school with you fuck you all day, literally all day. “you are really in for it love.”

Denki Kaminari

how did you come to this situation? simple

he l i e d

he said that he was with Sero, Kirishima and Bakugo

what he didn’t talk about was being with her instead of Sero. her as in Jirou

you found out through Sero’s slip up at lunch the next day

“yesterday was crazy, we should definitely do it again!” Kirishima cheered as he ate his lunch

“i still can’t believe that you guys took Jirou instead of me.” he rolled his eyes

“you didn’t go Sero?” you questioned the boy, he shook his head and narrowed his eyes toward Kaminari

“because of that punk over there!” he pointed

you look over to your boyfriend with raised eyebrows

“you said that you went with Sero babe. you lied to me?” you said calmly as you tried your best to keep your composure

the table was dead silent. so was Kami. he didn’t say anything. or make a move

you just shook your head and got up.

“unbelievable.”

“can’t believe you lied.” you said as you sat on your bed and stare at Kaminari. pure guilt shows on his face. you scoff as he doesn’t say a word. you are so mad at him, you don’t even wanna see him right now. “get out Kami. don’t talk to me.” you point to the door of your room. he opens his mouth to say something but you cut him before he cannot. “oh, and on top of that, your punishment for lying to me is no sex for three weeks, now get out.” you pushed him out your room and slam your door.

he didn’t even get to say anything. he really didn’t mean to lie you, it’s never his intention to hurt you. but for some reason which is unknown to him, he just didn’t want you to know about Jirou. it makes him feel so bad. for the entire next week you avoid him and the rest of the boys. anytime he was near you, you walk away. his heart was broken.”baby, please talk to me. i’m sorry. baby.” he called from outside your door. you sigh, getting up from your bed going over to open the door. “yes?”

no words were exchanged. he pulled you into a hugged walking towards your bed. “Kami what are you-” up you were cut of by Kaminari kissing you. you kissed back, wrapping your arms his neck to pull him closer. you missed this. his hands roamed over your body down to your legs. he lightly squeezed them before wrapping them around his hips. “i missed you so much y/n. i’m really sorry about what happened.” he said pulling away from the kiss. he moved to your neck. you let out a soft sigh before closing your eyes. wait, i’m not supposed to be doing this you thought. “wait.” Kaminari looked up at you confused. “you’re still on your punishment.” Kaminari whined and put his head back in your neck before saying, “baby~ please i’m sorry!” you only chuckled and pulled him away from your body. “two more weeks baby.”

by the time the two were over he was ready. he was not going to waste no time. you could literally feel that the whole day he was watching you. eyes following your every move like predator watching it’s prey. touching you nonstop, hands wondering over your body anytime there was an opportunity. when the last bell ran he rushed. picking you up and going all the way to his room. “baby i’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

Fumikage Tokoyami

tokoyami, tokoyami, oh tokoyami...

he just could not keep his hands to himself for some reason

he was touching you EVERYWHERE

“Tokoyami...” you warned him

you were in school you didn’t wanna get caught and get in trouble

he just smirks and continues to touch you

what was even worst is that nobody suspects anything because he was so to himself, no one would have thunk that Toko would do such thing so he didn’t stop

oh lord was lunch something

his grip on your thigh did not letting up

moving his hand further and further up. you felt like you were gonna bust

“baby no. were at school.” you brushed his hand off

“well we’re in your room now.” he teases and graze his fingers up you thigh. you slap his hand away. “ouch...that hurt.” you rolled your eyes. “baby. you’ve touching me all day. i think that you need to calm down.” you said. “but you like it, don’t you love?” he said pulling you onto his lap.

you smile at him and run your hand down his chest. just then a thought popped in your mind. with a mischievous smile you lean down and kiss him. he wrap his arms around you and leans back on the bed. you pull away and look him in his eyes. “baby how about this.” you lean closely to his ear. “no sex for three weeks baby. since you were being disobent and touching me non stop you are banned from sex.” Tokoyami’s breath hitches in his throat. “really that’s how is gonna be love?” his voice deep and low. you sit up on top and cross your arms. “that’s what i said.” you smiled. you see Tokoyami roll is eyes. “okay then. that’s fine with me, really don’t care.”

this is gonna be easy. or so Tokoyami thought. two weeks in and he can’t sleep. it’s been too long for him. he can’t go any longer. he tries everything that he can to break you. he wants you to give in. “baby, i need you.” he would whisper in your ear. you would only laugh and push him away saying “boy bye.”

thankfully, when the three weeks were over before he knew it. he never been so happy than before, this was something that we wants so bad. even dark shadow hasn’t been this excited. as soon as the weekend hits, he calls you and tell you pack backs cause your staying over his. before you could even knock on his door, he pulls you in, picks you and gently sets you down on the bed. “love let’s waste no time.”

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[SUMMARY: Negan keeps a close eye on his ex Deena after learning that the man she is currently with has a history of abuse.]

Negan and Deena PART TWO

Smut/drama/TW:physical abuse

"What do you wanna know about Michael?" Simon asked a bit confused as they stepped into his apartment.

"Everything. Anything you know."

"Well shit-" Simon scratched his head trying to make himself remember anything about this man on the spot.

"I dont know, I met him like a decade ago. I'd always see him at the Jackson bar on Friday nights. I dont think he has any kids. He used to date this one girl for a while but I dont know what happened with her. We used to hear rumors but-"

"What rumors?"

"I-I dont think they were true but-"

"What fucking rumors?"

"Some people used to say he'd smack his girlfriend around but I dont know man, I never saw any proof."

Negan knit his brow giving Simon a death stare.

"And you didnt think to tell me this after I told you the mother of my child was with this man?"

"Negan I-" before Simon could finish Negan grabbed him by the collar and gave him a hard shake.

"You didnt think to tell me my woman could be with someone dangerous!"

"Your woman? Negan I swear I didnt remember." Negan didnt respond staring at him for a moment before finally letting him go and taking a deep breath.

"What happened, did he do something to Deena?"

Negan sat down and ran his hands over his face in frustration.

"She wont tell me but I know something is not right."

"Shes not going to tell you, remember you're an asshole in her eyes so I doubt she'd tell you even if something was wrong." Simon lit up a cigarette leaning back on his chair.

"Listen, I may be an asshole but I never fucking touched Deena. I never lay a hand on her." Negans knee was shaking as he sat back and thought of what the truth could be, Simon had never seen him this concerned.

"Hey man, maybe its not even like that. You cant bombard her with it, you know how she is. She'll shut down. Just give it time, if something else looks weird, act on it but till then just wait cause we really dont know."

Negan knew Simon was right in a way. Deena wouldnt admit it even if it was true and he didnt have solid evidence.

Instead Negan was going to make it a habit now to show up more often to see Jack. Of course during his visits with Jack he'd make sure you were ok without asking you anything. He would just keep a closer eye on you.

As he planned, Negan showed up more throughout the week to see Jack. Everytime he had been there Michael wasnt there, yet he still noticed you keep to yourself more than usual. Of course you had to keep to yourself more, you didn't want to upset Michael again. Part of you knew your feelings were still strong for Negan but you didnt want to acknowledge it because of how much he had hurt you. Michael was someone new who you convinced to yourself wasnt that bad. You did call him another mans name, part of you was almost making yourself believe it was your fault what occured. Michael hadn't touched you since, as long as you didnt upset him you were fine is what you would tell yourself.

Negan was in the living room with Jack while you began cooking dinner for when Michael would arrive. You could hear Negan being playful with Jack, it was a sweet sound that made your heart flutter.

Negan sighed putting the baby down in his playpen before looking towards the kitchen. He walked in as you stirred the food, leaning his shoulder on the doorway watching you quietly cook.

"You look beautiful."

Your heart immediately began to race, trying not to put much thought to it or even look his way, you smiled.

"Thank you."

Negan slowly walked in to the kitchen looking around. He noticed some things had been changed from where you originally had them. He noticed something sitting beside the food pantry he hadn't noticed before.

"What's this?" Negan asked opening the box to find a stack of tools.

"Wait, Negan-" you ran to him taking the tool from his hand and putting it back in the box carefully.

"This is Michael's and he doesnt like it to be touched." Negans face quickly changed noticing how nervously you reacted.

"What does he live here now?"

"No. He just has some things here. That's all, just don't touch it please. Hes really picky with his things."

You walked back to the pot of food that was almost done cooking as Negan crossed his arms not taking his eyes off you. He had never seen you act this way before.

"You must really like this guy huh?" He asked just to see your reaction, he knew there was something more making you act this way.

"Mhm." You responded without making eye contact.

"Mhm." Negan pressed his lips together before you were both interrupted by the sound of the door unlocking.

"That must be Michael now."

"He has the fucking keys? Since when?"

"Negan please. I just gave it to him for today since I thought I was going to be alone with Jack." You quickly walked out to greet Michael at the door. The more Negan realized things, the more angrier he became. This man was trying to claim all of this as his. He was trying to gain a power over you and you couldnt see it.

Negan walked out of the kitchen to catch Michael with his lips on yours. Negan right away got a bad taste in his mouth at the sight before Michael looked up at him.

"Negan. I didnt know you were here."

"Yeah. Came by to check on my son and Deena. Have to make sure shes ok here by herself with him."

"Oh I'm sure I have a good watch on that." Michael quickly responded.

"Yeah well an extra eye doesnt hurt." Negan grinned trying to keep himself composed. The silence that followed made you anxious and uncomfortable.

"So are you ready for dinner?"

"Yes!" Both men eagerly responded at the same time, making you more anxious. It was clear these men did not like each other and had no problem in showing it.

Negan watched as Michael sat and let you serve him. He could tell you were nervous as you served his plate, of course you were. You had not expected Negan to stay for dinner.

"Thank you, baby." Michael said loudly as you turned to walk towards Negan with the food when he suddenly spanked your ass hard making you gasp. Negan grabbed his knee under the table hard, he knew Michael was doing this to purposely piss him off and boy was it working. As you were about to serve Negan he stood up and grabbed the pot of food from you.

"I got it, Dee. Sit down, shit you been on your feet all day."

"Dee? I've never heard anyone call her Dee." Michael cleared his throat looking up at Negan with a raised brow. Michael clearly didnt like the sound of the little nickname Negan had for you.

"Only I do. Old habit." Negan knew what he was doing and if Michael wanted to get under his skin, he knew how to get under his too. Taking a deep breath you sat down next to Jack, making sure he was comfortable in his high chair and began to eat. There was silence for a moment until Michael noticed the lid on his box of tools was not left the way he had left it the day before.

"What happened with my tool box?" Michael's question instantly made you nervous.

"Oh I-"

"That was me." Negan interrupted not liking the tone in his voice when he spoke to you.

"You let Negan touch my tool box?"

"She didnt let me touch anything. I thought it was something I had left here so I went to take a look." Negan responded confidently.

"I dont know why you would think anything here belongs to you, you dont live here."

"As far as I'm concerned, neither do you." Negan shot back.

"Ok stop." You spoke hesitantly as the men stared at each other angrily.

"Can we just enjoy dinner?"

The rest of the dinner was silent, you didn't make eye contact with either of the men. Negan stood up and was soon getting ready to leave. He leaned in beside you to give Jack a kiss. You could smell his scent close to you, Michael quietly stared at you as you stared down at your plate of food.

"Let me know if you need anything, Deena." You heard his voice close to your ear.

Negan walked out not liking the idea of him leaving you alone with Michael. In reality, what could he do without you acknowledging anything or him having proof? He would just look like a jealous man, which he could admit jealous he was. Negan left and you could feel Michael's eyes on you.

"I trust you to not let your ex touch my belongings or disrespect me."

"I told him not to touch it, Michael. I really did."

"Dont." He slammed his fist on the table making you jump. Jack began to cry making you quickly pull him out of his high chair and comfort him.

"Dont lie to me, Deena."

"Michael stop it. Im not lying to you and you're scaring Jack. You can leave." Surpsingly feeling a rush of courage when it came to Jack, you stood up with him in your arms and began to walk out the room until he unexpectedly grabbed your arm. You froze as he squeezed you and stood up staring down at you.

"Watch how you talk to me, baby."

"I said..you can leave." You felt yourself shaking as you stood your ground.

"Alright. You want me to leave? I'll leave." Michael responded calmly, a little too calm for comfort. He turned around and began to walk away making you let our a deep breath of relief when suddenly he turned around and smacked you across the face. You yelped as you fell hard to the floor holding Jack as tight as you could. Blocking his head from hitting anything you slammed your head on the bottom kitchen cabinet.

"Now I'll leave. You see what you do to yourself." Michael walked out slamming the door loudly as Jack cried loudly. Tears streaming down your eyes you cried with him.

"I'm so sorry." You whispered to Jack. Pushing yourself up off the floor you went to lock the door when Michael suddenly appeared again making you step back.

"Another thing, you tell Negan any of this I'll make sure you never see your son again. Remember my brother is a lawyer. He'll have you all fucked."

With those last words he walked out for a second time. Looking over at the table by the door you were relieved to see he had left the keys. Immediately you locked it, even clicking the bolt into place. Upset you walked up the stairs to run Jack a warm bath and calm him down. All you wanted was to call Negan to come over in that moment.

You took Jack a bath and put him to bed when you realized you had a text from Negan.

"Is jackass still around?" He texted making you chuckle softly.

"No. Alone now, baby just went to sleep." You responded in a text when suddenly you heard your phone begin to ring but when you checked, it wasnt a phone call.

Negan wanted to video call you. Your heart skipped a beat, he had never done this. What the hell was making him do it now.

You picked up the video call and found him staring very serious at the screen, he also look a bit tired.

"Figuring out your phone huh?" You teased.

"I wanted to see you." You watched as Negans eyes roamed over the screen taking a good look at you. Negan was doing everything he could to have a closer eye on you without you realizing it.

"Well you're seeing me." You responded with a smile but Negan could tell the smile didnt reach your eyes.

"I'm surprised the asshole didnt stay the night." Quickly, he saw you look away from the camera turning to the side. Looking to keep yourself occupied with something.

"Its fine. I wanted to be alone anyways."

"Guess he didn't like me being there for dinner." Negan chuckled to himself.

"He doesnt like alot of things." You muttered low.

"What do you see in that asshole, Deena?"

His sudden question caught you off guard but you didnt know how to respond.

"I know I wasnt the greatest to you but I see you with this guy and you're not you."

You stayed looking away from the camera as Negan quietly stared at you.

"Can we talk about something else?"

Negan heard a crack in your voice as you brushed your hand through your hair.

"What happened after I left, Deena?"

"Nothing happend after you-" cutting yourself off you looked up having heard a thump. Negan frowned wondering what caught your attention.

"What is it?"

You didnt respond as you slowly stood up and walked out of the room quickly checking on Jack. Thankfully he was fine and the main door was still locked. You sighed a breath of relief before getting back into your room and realizing you were becoming paranoid.

"I thought I heard something, it was just me." Negan could tell something was worrying you but you didnt want to admit what it was.

"You want me to come over, just to make sure everything is fine around the house?"

His offer made you quickly look back at him with some sort of relief in your eyes.

"I mean yes, maybe check the attic. Could be a pipe." You lied and he knew it. In all honesty you were just afraid with what had just happened with Michael. You felt paranoid about him showing up unexpectedly. Negan played along just wanting you to be comfortable and made his way to you. It was around ten at night, Negan never came over this late but you didnt mind it.Relieved to see Negan when you opened the door you let him in and quickly locked the door from top to bottom. You turned to find him staring at you strangely.

"Since when have you been using the bolt?"

Negan had placed the bolt for you a few years back but with all the locks on the door you had never used it. You never found it necessary.

"A habit I have now." You chuckled low as you walked past him. It did make you nervous that Negan was in your home, what if Michael found out in some kind of way? The thought of Michael turned your stomach.

"What did you want me to check out, doll?"

"Oh yeah, the attic. Maybe I heard the noise coming from there." Negan never seeming to be afraid of the unknown, pulled the ladder down and walked right up. It was hard not to admit to yourself that besides the differences you both have had, you could always count on him whenever you needed him.

"Just like I thought! Theres nothing up here." He yelled from the attic.

"You sure?"

"Shit, come see for yourself."

Negan chuckled as he came back down the ladder, you had always been afraid to go up to the attic alone.

"I know I heard something." You whispered as he made his way to you and leaned his face in close.

"You sure, sweetcheeks?" He teased making you chuckle. Negan loved teasing you, he always liked seeing you laugh.

"Oh stop." You playfully shoved him which only made him bounce back closer to you. The two of you stopped for a moment and stared into each others eyes. The thought of that kiss he gave you the last time made you shiver inside. But before he could reach in and kiss you, you quickly turned away. The strong pull you felt to him couldnt be denied but Michael...the thought of that man terrified you.

"Do you want a snack, I want a snack. I'll make us something quick." Negan watched as you flew down the stairs and scoffed shaking his head. He knew you wanted him just as bad.

As you reached into the cabinet Negan walked into the kitchen and leaned on the door way. You could feel his eyes on you, devouring you from head to toe.

"I know you dont give a shit about this guy." Negan spoke confidently as he slowly made his way to you. You didn't say a word knowing you couldnt react to him, thinking of the threat Michael made, you couldn't risk it.

"Fuck, Deena why do you let him control you like this?" Negan asked making you turn to him. He knew that would make you react which is what he wanted.

"He doesn't control me so quit assuming things."

"So then kiss me." He grinned as get got closer to you making you back up into corner.

"So what you're telling me to do is cheat on him."

"Oh is that what I said?" Negan chuckled with sarcasm.

"Figures you know, since you know so much about cheating yourself." You responded back with double the sarcasm making him laugh. You rolled your eyes pushing him aside but he blocked you with his arm. His expression suddenly turning more serious, he stared down at you not letting you pass him. His look was making you weak, your lips parted looking at his. You knew this wasn't right but the closer he got the more irresistible he became.

"I'm not going to kiss you." You whispered sounding anything but confident.

"Oh yeah? You sure about that?" He whispered in return wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you against him making you gasp.

"Now what was that you said, sweetheart?"

You were now speechless, how can you resist this man? You never stopped wanting him and he never had stopped wanting you. He leaned in and you instantly melted at the feel of his warm lips on yours. He felt your body fall into his as he passionately kissed you. He took your arms and wrapped them around his neck as he grabbed your ass with both hands.

"Negan..." you whispered into his lips.

"Hm? Tell me what you want, doll." He spoke slowly and erotically. Each word pulling at your heart strings.

"I want you." You whispered feeling him squeeze you harder when he suddenly lifted you up and sat you on the kitchen counter. You could hear him unbuckling his belt as he kissed you, his hands brushing up your thighs and pulling down your shorts and underwear. Your heart was racing. You swore this would never happen again but you didnt want him to stop. He pulled back for a moment and looked at you as he pulled you towards the edge of the counter. Negan wanted you to look directly at him as he entered you. Your arms and legs were wrapped around him as he pushed in forward, the both of you moaned simultaneously at the first feel of each other. It had been too long since he felt you and he didnt know how long he could control himself before exploding.

"Holy fuck." Negan muttered as he got into rythm. Aggresivly pulling off his shirt he threw it across the room. You moaned loudly as Negan broke out in a sweat, it took alot of him not to burst with each moan you let out. You screamed as you leaned your head back against the wall, fully exposing your neck. Negan wrapped one hand around your throat and gave you a hard squeeze as he moved faster. You squealed as he used the same hand to now grab your hair pulling it back hard.

"Negan!" You grabbed onto him tightly, the sound of your voice helpless calling for him made it hard for him to control himself any longer.

"Fuck, Deena- I cant fucking hold it-" before he could finish he groaned loudly letting himself explode within you. You moaned as he buried himself deeply, his body against yours. The two of you panting uncontrollably in each others arms.

"Negan." You whispered in a shakey voice before he pulled back and slowly pulled himself out.

"Fuck, I couldnt stop it." He spoke breathlessly falling back onto the chair behind him.

"You know how long I've been waiting for that." He chuckled making you laugh.

Jack had still been sleeping while you and Negan lay in bed under the covers. Your face on his chest as he rubbed your hair back gently. It was nice forgetting everything for just a moment until Negan rubbed over a certain part of your head making you lift your head up and wince.

"Ow."

"What's that?" Negan felt the bump on the back of your head and frowned. You knew the bump must've been from when you fell and hit your head on the cabinet. You weren't going to tell Negan this so you simply shrugged.

"I dont even know how that happened. These random bruises come out of nowhere. Dont you hate when that happens." You laughed nervously and lay your head back down. Negan stayed looking down at you not liking your response.

"You know you can tell me anything right, Dee?" You hesitantly lifted your head up and looked back at him.

"What would I need to tell you? What do you mean?" Negan didnt say a word for a moment but he knew he had to. He didnt know how you would react but he couldnt continue acting like he wasnt noticing certain things.

"What I mean is that ever since you began dating that fuck, Michael, you either have some new bruise or you're suddenly nervous with shit you never were nervous about before. I know you, Deena and you sure as fuck arent acting like yourself."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?!" You stood up quickly putting on your robe making Negan roll his eyes, he knew you would get defensive.

"Dee-" Negan tried to speak sitting up in the bed but you wouldnt let him.

"I dont know who the hell is putting this shit in your mind but leave it alone. Nobody is doing anything to me."

"Listen, I'm not trying to pick a god damn fight for fucksake." Negan got up and began to get dressed.

"Yeah? Well you are! Why dont you mind your business."

"You are my fucking business!" Negan yelled so loudly you were surprised Jack hadn't woken up.

"You know what, get out! This is why I never wanted to sleep with you again-" Negan scoffed in return.

"I beg to differ, sweetheart. With the way you felt you been wanting that just as much as I have." You stared at him in silence holding back your tears, you were not going to let him make you admit the truth.

"Get out and do me a favor dont come back unless it's to pick up Jack." You stormed out of the room making your way down the stairs to the kitchen. Negan cursed at himself angrily, the last thing he wanted to do was fight with you.

"Goddamn women." He muttered low, but he knew he had to approach this matter differently.

In the kitchen you quietly made yourself tea hearing him come down the stairs. He slowly made his way inside and leaned back on the counter beside you but you wouldnt look his way.

"Did he threaten you?" Negan asked with his arms crossed looking at the ground. Feeling a knot in your throat you couldnt respond, your silence spoke for itself making Negan look over at you.

"That son of a-"

"Negan please."

"Tell me the truth, Deena. He fucking hits you doesnt he?" His voice was stern, his eyes darkened as he looked down at you.

"It was my fault, Negan-" you cried out as Negan turned and punched the concrete wall behind him. The anger in him rising rapidly, he didnt even feel the effect on his knuckles.

"I'll kill him! I swear to God I'll fucking kill him."

"Negan, please you cant tell him anything. Please..."

"Oh for fuck sake, Deena! What the fuck does he have over you?! What is he threatening you with?!"

Negan stared down at you silently, his breathing was heavy, he studied the look in your eyes when it suddenly clicked.

"Jack." He whispered and all he saw was red. Negan quickly charged for the front door as you ran after him catching up before he could leave, you blocked the entrance.

"Negan, please you're not listening!" You cried.

"Oh I'm fucking listening, hes using our son to keep you shut. I'd like to see him try something-"

"Negan his brother is a lawyer. He threatened if I told you anything he'd make sure they'd take Jack away from me. Please, I beg you. I beg you, dont do or say anything. He doesnt do anything as long as I do what he says-"

"Do you fucking hear yourself, Dee?! As long as you do what he says? Who the fuck is he?! I know I was never an easy man to deal with but I never, ever put my god damn hands on you! Ever!" Negan turned red as he yelled, a vein pulsating hard in his neck appeared. You quietly cried before suddenly hearing Jack begin to cry upstairs. Negan sighed looking down, his fists balled up at his sides.

"Just promise me you wont say anything. Promise me."

"Ok." Negan stood aside letting you get past him to run up the stairs and check on Jack. He could hear you singing to him and ran his hands through his hair. He had never been so frustrated by a situation. He knew you were terrified for yourself and Jack and he hated that he felt like he couldnt do anything.

The next few weeks flew by peacefully, your cousin had come into town so she had been staying with you every day. With her around Michael never did anything to you. Negan knew you were safe for the time being but hated knowing Michael was still with you. You had never felt more confused, you loved Negan..you knew you did. The two of you hadn't even spoken about what happened between the two of you at all. Yet, you couldnt stop thinking about it. Jack's birthday was coming up the next day, you couldnt believe he was turning three. As excited as you were the thought of having Michael and Negan together in the same room for the first time since that night made your stomach turn. It made your stomach turn so much you actually began to feel nauseous. Brushing off the nausea, the sound of the doorbell went off and you knew it was Negan.

"Hi." You smiled as you stepped back and let him come in with a bunch of balloons.

"I picked up all these damn balloons, the cake and tomorrow I just gotta get the food." You laughed as Negan struggled with decorations and lay them out on the table.

"Thank you, I appreciate it."

Once he had everything set, he turned to you and couldn't help letting his eyes roam from your head to your toes.

"Looking good, Dee."

You blushed feeling your cousins eyes fall on you in confusion. Negan winked at you before turning to Jack and got right on the floor with him and began playing with him.

"Looking good, Dee." Your cousin muttered beside you, making fun of what she has just witnessed.

"Cut it out, Louise."

"What was that all about, he looked like he totally undressed you with his eyes." She continued making you sigh when you the wave of nausea struck you again.

This time it didnt go away and you found yourself running across the living room to the bathroom. Negan looked up with a frown then looked over to Louise as she stared in even more confusion.

"Stay with Jack." Negan pushed himself up and made his way to the bathroom door, knocking gently.

"Deena? You ok?" He could hear you continuing to throw up before you finally flushed. A few minutes later you stepped out of the bathroom looking pale and weak.

"I think it was something I ate." You whispered rubbing your head.

"Come on, let's get you to sit back."

Negan guided you by your arm to the living room when you found Louise opening the door for Michael. You froze in your steps as Negans expression quickly changed.

"Negan, what a surprise."

Negans lip twitched as Michael's eyes drifted to him holding your arm.

"Oh I wasnt feeling good-"

"So I was making sure she could make it back to the couch safely." Negan interrupted in a calm yet cold tone.

"Well I'm sure I can take over now that-"

"I got her." Negan shot back sternly.

"Its ok, Negan. I feel fine, Louise is here with me too."

"Yeah I got her, Negan." Louise agreed.

Michael and Negan didnt say a word to each other as Louise took your arm and led you to the couch. Negan walked out angrily not liking to feel out of control with this situation. You knew tomorrow would be a whole other roller coaster of emotions. It would be Jack's birthday celebration, it was already the 8th. Your heart sunk realizing what you had just thought to yourself. How could you be so stupid?

It was already the 8th and you realized you were four days late on your period.

The rest of the day you felt fine physically but you worried like never before. You knew you had a extra pregnancy test hidden in your drawer somewhere that you would take as soon as Michael would leave. When he did finally leave you asked Louise to stay with Jack while you hid in the bathroom to take the rest.

"Please don't be positive, please dont be positive." You continued to whisper repeatedly when it was time for you to look at the test and your mouth dropped open.

"Oh my God.."

It was positive.

Obviously, you knew it was Negans not having had sex with Michael in the last few weeks. Louise called out for you and you quickly hid the test and the box under your shirt and ran down stairs. Throwing out any of the evidence and without saying a word put Jack to sleep for the night.

The next day you got dressed up in a nice blue sundress for Jack's birthday. It was a very small gathering and you were excited to make this memory for Jack. Looking at yourself in the mirror you finished you make up and took a deep breath before heading out of your room. The decorations had been placed nicely in the living room. Michael was in the kitchen while Louise finished setting up the balloons. You had no idea that while Michael was in the kitchen he had discovered the box the pregnancy test came out of my accident as he was taking out the garbage.

"Deena! Can you come to the kitchen for second?" Michael called out for you as you played with Jack in the living room. You left him on the floor with Louise as you entered the kitchen with a smile excited for the day before realizing what you were walking into. Michael stood by the counter with the box of your pregnancy test in hand. The expression on your face instantly changing, you felt yourself having trouble to breathe.

"Wh-where did you get that..?"

"Oh right from your garbage can, baby." His face looked demented, he looked like a ticking bomb.

"Michael....let me explain.." you whispered as he made his way closer to you.

"Let you explain? Go ahead, explain." Michael threw the box on the table making a glass cup fall and shatter on the floor. Louise heard the noise and looked up before being distracted by the door.

It was Negan.

Louise opened the door for Negan as he came in excitedly picking his son up and wishing him a happy birthday.

"You're a big boy now, three years old." Negan grinned when he suddenly heard Michael yelling. He looked towards the kitchen door then back at Louise with a raised brow.

"I dont know." She whispered with a shrug.

"Michael please!" Negan heard you yell making him quickly give the baby to Louise and charge to the kitchen. When Negan pushed open the door he found Michael grabbing you by your hair before pushing you to the floor. You screamed before looking back and noticing Negan at the door. His eyes filled with rage, you stood up and ran to him blocking him before he could do anything.

"Negan wait- it's not what it looks like."

"Oh yeah, Deena why dont you show Negan here what it looks like huh?"

"Please, Negan just go-"

"Get out of the kitchen, Deena. I've been waiting for this shit." Negan didnt take his eyes off Michael across the room.

"Negan please, listen to me. Look at me."

"Yeah please, look at her before I have to make her shut the hell up."

"Negan!" You squealed when he suddenly pushed you behind him and charged towards Michael.

"Come on asshole, I'll give you a fair fight." Negan threw the chair that was in front of him across the room before he finally reached Michael and the two men began to fight. Both men trying to put each other in head locks as they ran into everything around them, knocking everything to the floor.

"Deena get the hell out of here!"

You stood in shock against the door way watching as Negan knocked Michael off his feet.

"Yeah...wouldnt want an unfortunate accident to happen to a pregnant woman." Michael grunted as Negan held him down before realizing what he said. Negan looked up at you in disbelief before quickly looking back down at Michael.

"Wouldnt want anything happening to that baby." He continued to taunt before Negan collided his fist with Michael's face.

"Say something stupid again, I fucking dare you. Trust me asshole, I got alot more where that came from." He looked directly into Michael's eyes but before he could utter another word, Negan punched him again. Louise had put the baby in his crib and called 911 from hearing all the commotion. She came into the kitchen and gasped at the site of the entire kitchen a mess. The rush of emotions and morning sickness started to take over you. You felt yourself tipping over to the side before bumping into Louise.

"Deena are you okay?" She yelled making Negan look up to find you struggling to stand straight.

"Louise sit her down." Negan instructed without letting go of Michael. Michael scoffed with blood pouring out of his mouth when soon you heard the sound of the cops at the door.

"My brother will handle all of you."

"Youre brother can choke on my dick." Negan squeezed down harder on Michael's neck. The police quickly entered the house and detained Michael who kept yelling at all of you as they dragged him out. Negan rushed to you, grabbing a chair and sitting down right in front of you. You instantly noticed his bloody and bruised knuckles.

"Sir, do you need us to take a look at that?" A paramedic asked Negan.

"No, this is fine-" he shook his hand not worried of any injury.

"I need you to check her." Negan motioned towards you but you quickly shook your head.

"I'm fine, I'm just dehydrated-.

"And pregnant." Negan interrupted.

"You're pregnant?! What!" Louise screamed with excitement making you chuckle. Negan himself couldnt help but smirk a bit.

"Yes, Louise. Wait-wheres Jack?" You looked around as your heart began to race.

"Hes upstairs sleeping, hes fine. Dont worry, Deena." She hugged you as Negan stayed holding your hand. "You're going to need to get a restraining order on that guy if hes bailed out. You cant be here alone with the baby, and pregnant with that mad man knowing where you live."

"Oh she wont be alone, I can promise you that."

Negan meant every word he said, he was never going to risk losing you again.

If you have ideas for a part 3 if youd like one let me know? Not sure where to go after this or if I should continue at all.

[brelione]

Please Dont Break My Heart Pt.1 (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Warnings:Not proof read,pretty much trash.

JJ would be lying if he said that he didnt have a thing for you.You were known pretty well as both a heartbreaker and a sweetheart.Neither of those really made sense,it was like trying to mix water and olive oil.It just couldnt happen.You were a kook but werent considered one of the bad ones that would stare in disgust at every pogue they saw.

You were actually known to be quite friendly with pogues,even dating a handful of them.You’d date someone for three months and then drop their asses with no explanation why.It was like clockwork.It seemed like you got bored easily,hopping from one boy to the next.

There was pretty much a line of boys,both kooks and pogues ready to shoot their shot,be yours for three months and then get their hearts broken.Unfortunately JJ could relate,wishing that you’d come up to him one day with that well known smile,shining eyes asking him to hang out sometime.He would consider himself lucky to even be so close to you,to hold your hand and touch your hair whenever he pleased.

Even if it only lasted three months and you were using him he wouldnt even care.He didnt even know why he wanted you so much or what he liked about you.He sat by a fire,Kiara and Pope within his view as he spoke to your most recent ex,a blonde boy named Dylan.He was sniffling,not understanding why you had left him.

John.B say next to JJ,interested in the conversation that was currently about you. “So what’s she like?Is she rude or like...I dunno.”JJ shrugged,trying to form his questions into actual words.Dylan huffed,staring into the flames. “No,man.She’s nice as hell and she’s funny and she dances around her living room and she likes to surf and bake and-and oh god I fucking miss her.”Dylan sobbed,wiping his tears.

JJ had heard the same story from eight guys,that you were sweet and genuine and how they thought they were different from the others until you broke them too.JJ felt bad for them of course but more than anything he wanted to know the reason for your constant heartbreaking and manipulating.He felt even worse because he wanted you to manipulate him.

He tried to listen to Dylan talk,zoning out eventually.Technically he was in the line of guys that were ready to have their heart broken and you probably knew that.That meant that he could be the next boy to be yours.It was wrong of him to think that way and he knew that.He had watched this pattern for two years now,waiting for his turn patiently and never daring to interfere but beginning to think about what would happen this time.He wanted this to be the best summer ever,to have a good time all the time.You could most definitely make this the best summer ever which meant that he needed to be number one in your line.

It had been a week since you broke Dylan’s heart.He was good to you,never yelled at you or treated you wrong.He let you take his hoodies and gave you forehead kisses and piggy back rides down the beach.You were his lockscreen and he was yours,doing whatever you wanted whenever you wanted,including braiding your hair for you and going for swims in your pool at three in the morning.

But he was getting too close to you and deep down you knew that nobody could be that perfect.You didnt want to hurt anyone which was why you let go of them so quickly and so easily,you’d hurt them more if you let them stick around.You didnt even know what your type was or if you even had one,you just needed something different.

You were definitely known for breaking peoples hearts which was definitely not a good reputation to have but it was better than being a drug dealer or a crackhead,both of which had been interested in you at one point.You wanted someone that was more like you,impulsive,excited,ready to try new things and have deep conversations at four in the morning.

You knew that none of the boys were really like that and you knew that they would just act like that in hopes of getting you to like them.There was only one boy that you could think of that fit what you wanted without pretending.That one boy was JJ Maybank.

You were nervous as hell to even look in his direction,knowing that he was probably disgusted by the thought of a rich,heartbreaking kook and wanted absolutely nothing to do with you.You had been single for a week,trying to figure out what to do about JJ.You didnt want to be with him and then leave him,you admired him far too much for that.

But you knew that you wanted to be with him.Kooks and Pogues would stare at you,drool practically falling from their lips as you walked by,waiting to see what you would do next.You sighed,scrolling through your phone,deciding to delete your photos of Dylan,pouting as you did so.You just had to hope that he was over by now,you had let him down gently anyways.

You got up off your bed,deciding to leave the house for the first time in three days,pulling on a black one piece bathing suit,a tshirt and shorts over it.It was 11 AM which meant the beaches wouldnt be crowded yet but luckily you knew your way around The Cut.That included the small rocky beaches that Dylan had shown you during a surfing trip to watch the sunset.

You got into your car,your surfboard already tied to the roof.You stopped at a Dunkin Donuts drive thru to grab a large iced coffee on the way,listening to your playlist as you drove to The Cut.You remembered Dylan taking you down a dirt road that was supposed to be covered in cement but never ended up happening.

You pulled onto the side of the road with a sigh,putting your phone in your backpack that contained a towel and a bag of m and m’s,swinging it over your shoulder and standing on your tip toes so you could pull your surfboard off the top,carrying it by your side as you walked down the dirt hills,coming out at the rocky surfing spot that was well hidden by trees.

JJ shocked himself when he woke up before noon,the others still asleep.He had sighed,debating on getting up or going back to sleep.He wasnt sure what made him want to go to the hidden surfing spot that was a good ten minute walk from John.B’s.He didnt know why he wanted to wiggle his toes in the small,smooth pebbles so badly.

He was already in his bathing suit from the night before,getting up and ditching the idea of surfing,just wanting to swim for a bit.His converse smacked off the dirt,trying his best not to slip and fall on his way down the hill,holding onto the trees for balance before landing onto the pebbles,eyebrows furrowing when he noticed another person was already here.He froze up when he realized it was you,laying on top of your surfboard that rested on the pebbles,arms crossed and eyes closed,not caring about the world.

He considered turning around and running away,grinning when he noticed you werent here with a boy.THat meant that you were still single and nobody was ready to pounce on him if he attempted to talk to you.Your head turned to look at him,scared for a moment when you thought he was Dylan. “JJ?”You asked curiously,sitting up to look at him at a proper angle.

He cussed,realizing it was too late to turn around now that you saw him.He grinned,walking towards you,looking down. “Yeah.”He answered,trying really hard not to grin,trying not to blush or back away out of embarrassment. “Hi.”You answered,staring up at him,not knowing what to say or do. “Hi.”He replied,sitting down on the pebbles across from you.

 “So like,what are you doing here?”He asked,trying to make conversation.He was probably the biggest flirt on the island and you were fantastic as manipulating and charming people.Why was this so hard? “I dont know,it’s just a nice day and I thought i’d surf but the waves suck today.”You shrugged,looking out at the calm,glittery water.He nodded,agreeing. “Yeah.You ever surf during a storm?”He asked,tugging at the hem of his shirt.

You grinned,nodding. “Yeah,I tried that once or twice.I wiped out and like,almost died so that sucks for me.The waves were pretty good though,not gonna lie.”You answered,remembering that adventure from a month back.Dylan was so worried the whole time,watching from the beach as you disappeared under the waves,coming back up a few moments later to gasp for air. 

“Yeah,same thing happened to me last year.I scraped my whole leg.”He admitted,trying his best not to stare at you.You turned on your surfboard,grabbing your coffee and taking a sip of it.He peeled at his fingernails,considering getting up and going into the water. “Was it worth it?”You asked,making him smile. “Um,yeah id say so.”He replied,his face becoming red. 

“I probably should’ve checked the weather before I left the house,its a really shitty day.I mean,before you got here obviously.”You took another sip of coffee,mixing the sugar at the bottom.He was a blushing mess,fighting the temptation to hide his face in his hands. “So um...where’s Dylan?”He asked,wanting to see how you’d react.You let out a sigh,biting the inside of your cheek. “It just wasnt meant to be,you know?”You asked,dissapointed when you realized he was probably just trying to get in your pants.

He nodded,understanding. “Yeah,I get that.How do you know when somethings meant to be?”He asked,slowly becoming more comfortable with you.You shrugged,not even knowing the answer.You had loved people before,you had loved all the people you had dated.You just werent in love with any of them.It just never felt right which definitely scared you.SOmetimes you wondered if you ever would love anyone like that. 

“I dont even know,dude.”You admitted,standing up on your surfboard,hopping onto the pebbles,taking off your shirt and shorts,feeling JJ’s eyes glued to you as you bent over to put your clothes into your bag. “But I do know that it’s hot as fuck out here and that water looks nice so im going to go drown.”You grinned before walking down to the water,going up to your hips,letting out a sigh of relief when your burning heels hit the cool water.

JJ admired you from a far,covering his face with his hands when your back was turned to him,grinning like a fucking idiot.He finally decided to get up and join you,pulling off his tank top and hat,dragging his feet through the cold water,standing next to you,glancing over at you every couple of minutes,trying to figure out what you were staring at that you found so interesting.

 “What are we looking at?”He asked,not seeing anything.You shrugged,wiggling your toes in the sand. “I dont know,just the clouds I guess.”You answered,looking up at him.He licked his lips,just watching you.He had never been physically close to you for longer than a minute or two even if he felt some sort of emotional connection to you since the moment he saw you.

It was a Saturday night at the beginning of June.A boneyard party was taking place,loud music,shitty beer,heated make out sessions and random games of truth or dare.Everyone was having a good time,doing whatever they pleased and getting absolutely fucking wasted.

JJ had been sipping a cup of beer,trying to listen to Pope when he heard laughter,turning to see where it was coming from.You were on Dylan’s back,your legs around his waist,arms wrapped around his shoulders,afraid you’d fall off.JJ couldnt take his eyes off of you the whole night,watching as you sat on Dylan’s lap,the boy leaving small kisses on your neck,forehead and cheeks.

It made JJ’s heart hurt,wishing it were him.On the other hand he almost wanted to yell at Dylan and call him an itiot for thinking he was different than your ex’s while another part of him wanted to yell at Dylan and try to figure out what made him so special that you spent so much time around him.JJ’s jaw clenched when he watched you kiss Dylan,wishing it were him that you were kissing.When you left the party you were wearing Dylan’s sweatshirt,holding the boys hand and probably going back to your place.

“How’d you find this place?It’s pretty well hidden.”He looked back at the empty beach,trying to figure out if you had walked because he hadnt seen your car.You looked down into the clear water,trying to figure out how far you’d be able to go without slipping under the water. 

“Uhh….Dylan showed it to me.”You replied,not wanting to make things too awkward.He nodded,not pushing any further. “I feel like Dylan didnt deserve you not gonna lie.”He admitted.Sure,he had spoken to Dylan before and thought he was an okay guy.He wasnt an asshole but he just wasnt worthy of you in JJ’s eyes.

You giggled quietly at the statement,shaking your head. “You barely know me,JJ.How do you know what I deserve?”You asked,genuinely curious for his answer.He pouted,eyebrows knitting together in frustration. “Alright,here’s what ive learned about you in like,the last fifteen minutes.”He began,a small smile on his face.You nodded,waiting for him to continue.

 “So,you like dunkin donuts,you like going on adventures for the experience and you dont really worry about consequences,you like to relax most of the time and I really want to get to know more about you.”He watched your puzzled expression,a nervous grin on his face. “You want to know more about me?How would you do that?”You asked,enjoying how nervous you could make him.

He glanced down to your lips,licking his own. “You know...a date.”He mumbled,chewing on his bottom lip. “You want to go on a date?What makes you worthy of that?”You teased,using his words against him.He rolled his eyes,looking down into the water. “I mean...I dunno,you’ll have to find out for yourself.Do you want to maybe go night swimming or something later tonight?I know a spot.”He offered,remembering the small waterfall that he had gone to with John.B and Pope last year.

You thought about it.JJ seemed sweet from what you knew but it would still be weird to go to a hidden area alone at night with someone you just met.But then again if things went south you could just kick him right in the dick. “Sounds like a date,Maybank.Just come by my house whenever,i’ll drive.”You told him,deciding that you should just leave.

There were no waves to surf or much to do so it would probably be wise to go back to your house and do your laundry and take a shower.His heart thumped in his chest,feeling a bit light headed at the thought of being yours.THere was no way this was real,he thought as he watched you walk from the water,swinging your backpack over your shoulder,getting your shoes on,holding your board and disappearing into the trees and out of his view.

He had rushed back to John.B’s,looking through every single shirt and every single pair of shorts that he had there,trying to find a good combination.He couldnt wait for John.B to wake up,shaking him by the shoulders until he was swatting the blonde’s hands away.

 “What?”He asked,sitting up in his bed. “Its my turn!”JJ exclaimed,not helping with the confusion. “What?”John.B asked again,making JJ sigh. “God,keep up!Its my turn to be hers!”JJ was far too excited for his tired friend,the words sounding like static. “Who?”John.B asked,not thinking.JJ rolled his eyes,grabbing his friend by the arm and into the guest room-JJ’s room.

 “Which outfit should I wear?”JJ asked,gesturing tot eh outfits he had laid out on the bed.He had waited over a year for this night,he shouldve prepared an outfit the moment he heard that you and Dylan had broken up. “I dont fuckin know.I dont know what girls are into.”John.B yawned,JJ’s eyes widened as he realised the problem,running into the living room to shake Kie back and forth.

 “What?”She grumbled,too tired to open her eyes. “God,fuck.”JJ cursed,throwing the girl over his shoulder and bringing her into the room,her shouts becoming annoying when he finally set her down. “Which one?”He asked,looking at the outfits.

 “For what?”She asked,looking down at the clothes. “Dammit!Im going on a date tonight and I cant mess this up.”He sighed,tugging at his hair.  “A date with who?”Kiara asked,not quite understanding.JJ wasnt the type to go on dates.What had changed? “(Y/N).”JJ answered,making Kiara’s heart drop. “Are you kidding?Come on,JJ.You know whats going to happen!”She exclaimed,her words changing nothing.

 “Does it really matter?”He asked,really just wanting to know what outfit to wear.Kiara smacked his arm,clearly mad. “Shes going to break you like she does to everyone!Why her out of all people?Cant you find a girl who’s not a play?You guys are just going to play eachother and hurt everyone!”She exclaimed,John.B nodding in agreement. “Oh,vomit!”JJ exclaimed,making the decision for himself,folding the clothes carefully and placing them on the bed.

 “Im serious,JJ!She’s gonna pretend to love you and then you’re gonna fall in love and then shes gonna break you and come running to us!”Kiara shouted,sighing loudly.JJ simply rolled his eyes,kicking his two friends out,deciding he no longer needed their opinions.He tried on the outfit,jean shorts and a gray kildare t shirt,figuring he could wear his red hat with it.

He was far too nervous for tonight.He had heard about you going on a date once only for it to go nowhere,never seeing the boy again.The boy was Max,a seventeen year old brunette that went to boneyard parties and had dropped out of highschool during junior year.JJ let his curiosity get the best of him,asking about it. “So how’d it go?”JJ had asked,sipping his beer.

Max sighed,shrugging his shoulders. “I think I was too nervous the whole time,she just wasnt really into me.She kissed me though so I think it was worth it.”Max grinned at the memory.JJ found himself thinking about you later that night as he always did,thinking differently this time.

He wanted to know what your kisses would feel like,if they were gentle or rough and where you would put your hands.He saw you kiss Dylan before,your hands in the pockets of the boys’ shorts or in his hair.JJ had imagined what that would feel like,even attempting to lucid dream but everyone knows he isnt patient enough for shit like that.

Night time came way too quick.He had showered,trying to make his hair nice for you even if he was going to place a hat on top of it anyways.His hands were gripping onto the bathroom sink tight,breathing in and out slowly,trying to remain calm before getting dressed,putting on all of his rings.

He knew where your house was.It was one of the biggest houses on the island and the driveway was painted with clouds,rainbows and mermaids so it was easy to find.He ran down the dark streets,hoping nobody would call the cops on him.He walked up your colorful driveway,stopping when lights came on across the front yard.

He didnt know what set them off,wondering if your parents knew he was coming.THe door opened,revealing you in a yellow dress,the material only going halfway down your thighs,a leather jacket hanging off of you,black and yellow vans to match.

He felt his face go red,biting his lip. “You look really-um you look really pretty.”He chuckled,feeling embarrassed.You grinned,opening the garage by typing the pin into the key pad,your black car sitting there and waiting patiently for you. “Where are we going?”You asked,taking out your keys,about to get in when he stopped you. 

“Can I drive?”He asked,giving you puppy dog eyes.You sighed,holding your keys tight,eventually giving in. “If you crash my car I will kill you.”You warned him,getting in the passengers seat that you hadnt sat in in forever.He got in,almost laughing.He had never been in such an expensive car before,pulling out of the garage,the door closing behind him. 

“Seriously though,if we crash I will kill you.”You spoke seriously,making him smile. “I know,princess.”He replied,beginning the drive down the smooth road,hitting bumps once the tires rolled into The Cut.Somehow you ended up holding his hand,your thumb resting on one of his veins,the coolness of the metal rings made a slight shiver go up your spine.

He tried so hard not to squeal,imagining this for nearly two years.He rubbed the back of your hand lightly with his thumb,trying his best to remain as calm as possible,pulling over in the familiar area. “It’s right down here.”He told you,squeezing your hand lightly before letting go.

THe two of you got out of the car,your heart beat quickening as you followed him through the woods,using a flashlight that he had brought.You could hear the waterfall,glad it wasnt too far away.THe two of you emerged from the trees and into a clearing,a slow moving rive right in front of you,a small waterfall to your right.He was focused on you,watching as you took it all in,the area being lit up by the little bit of moonlight.

You took off your jacket,unzipping the dress to reveal a white bikini underneath,placing them on top of your bag so they wouldnt get wet or dirty.He smiled,tugging off his shorts and t shirt,walking into the cold shallow water,knowing where the deep parts were.

You came in soon after,deciding to just sit in the shallow water while he jumped off the rocks and into the deep,coming up to the surface with his hair soaked and fallen into his face.He wiped it away,coming to sit next to you,admiring the waterfall. “So…”He tried to start a conversation,not quite knowing what to say.You smiled,looking over at him. 

“What?”You asked,your voice soft and smooth as you spoke.He leaned back in the water,not quite laying down. “So whats up with you?”He asked,reaching for your hand,smiling when you let him intertwine his fingers with yours. “In what way?”You asked,curious as to what he meant. “I mean you’re like,the Queen of the kooks yet you date pogues and hang around The Cut.Why?”He asked,his heels digging into the pebble below him.

You shrugged. “I mean,kooks aren't really impressive.They’re all the same,you guys have actual personalities.”You laughed,hoping he wouldnt ask the question you dreaded most.He nodded in agreement,sitting up properly.The light crashing of the water wasnt really noticeable anymore,he was too focus on the conversation.

 “I want you to tell me everything I should know about you within the next minute.Go!”He exclaimed,watching as you tried to think,surprised. “Um...um okay,my favorite color is (Y/F/C),I hate strawberry jelly,I have a dog named Hugo and hes literally the love of my life...I have slight caffeine addiction,I dont know.”You laughed,not ever thinking about this before.He nodded,urging you to keep going.

 “Uhh...my favorite show is Stranger Things,my favorite movie is The Outsiders because Dally,obviously...umm I still believe in mermaids and i’ve always wanted to build a castle.”You hoped that was enough,glad when he smiled.

 “You still believe in mermaids?”He asked,a goofy smile on his face. “Shut up,Maybank.This isnt fair,you have to tell me about you now.”You turned on your side,facing him completely.He looked shocked,not thinking that you would turn the question back on him. “You have a minute-starting now.”You announced,his thoughts moving to fast for his mouth to keep up.

 “Okay,ummm...uhhh….I’ve always wanted to live in Yucatan,my favorite color is blue...I dont have a favorite TV show...I like the Harry Potter movies but i’ve never read the books...growing up I always had a huge crush on Hermione and I believed in Santa Claus until I was twelve.I hate butterflies,I dont really like coffee because energy drinks are better and I go by JJ because I hate my actual name.”He finished,biting his lip.

You hummed,reflecting on what he just said. “Im a simp for Draco Malfoy.”You admitted,hearing him chuckle. “So you have a thing for blondes?”He asked,a cocky smirk on his face.You shushed him,rolling your eyes. “I mean,i’ve got a thing for gorgeous girls so I guess it works out.”He winked at you,a sly smirk on his face.

You felt your cheeks get hot,glancing away from him.He thought about what he was about to do for a whole two seconds,considering how it could effect his future with you. “(Y/N).”he mumbled,making you turn back to him.He waited a moment and a half before leaning in,pecking your lips lightly and pulling away,understanding why Max had spoke so fondly of the memory.

You bit your lip,pulling him into another kiss,your warm hand going into his wet hair,tugging at the slightly wavy locks.He smiled into the kiss,his hands ending up on your waist,trying to take in every detail of the moment that he knew would end soon.When you pulled away your hand remained in his hair,twirling it between your thumb and pointer finger.

@nas-marie-loves-u​ @28cnn​ @sexytholland​  @yuxsh06​   @ifilwtmfc​  @cherryobx​ @poguestarkey​ @n1ghtsh4d3-67​  @poguestyleskye​ @judayyyw​  @sunwardsss​ @meaganjm​ @sarcasticsagittarius1998​ @jj-fic-recs​ @homophobicclownmoviestan​ @jj-iz-bae​ @natalie-kate-98​ @negativity4you​ @nxsmss​ @ofmaybankheart​ @broken-jj​  @outerbongs​  @copper-boom​  @httpstarkey​ @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl​  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee​  @on-socks-off​ 

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[sleepless-in-starbucks]

14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

~

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Dimmed Lights (Pt.5)

-------------------------

Roman's hands were shaking, he couldn't seem to focus on anything. He'd been home for all of ten minutes and he hadnt come out of his room the whole time, he didnt tell his mother what had happened.

This wasnt possible. This was all a dream or a hallucination. Tattoos didnt suddenly regain color like that, it was a light trick and nothing more than that. Roman kept telling himself this, he wasnt special, he was Soulless, that was all he'd ever be, no amount of friendship or oddly behaving lights or tattoos was going to change that.

"Ro? Sweetheart? Theres some boys here to see you," Roman froze as he heard his mother's voice from behind the locked door.

"Tell them I'm not here," Roman said, burying his face in his pillow.

"They're at the door with me sweetheart," Roman wanted to cry, he didnt want to see Virgil or Janus, not right now, not when he'd just run off on them. He wished he was a little kid again, small enough that Remus could hoist him over one shoulder like a potato sack, small enough that he was considered cute enough that no one paid close attention to his tattoos, small enough that marks were meaningless to him outside of school.

"Tell them to go away," Roman said, stifling the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. His phone screen flashed, he looked down, it was Hestia.

Hestia: I had to head home because I promised I wouldnt be out longer than two hours, I hope you feel better soon and I'll try to bring you something tomorrow ok?

Roman: Thanks Hestia, I'm fine though, dont worry about it

Hestia: Ok Roman, promise me you arent lying?

Roman stared at the screen for a few seconds, it should have been easy to type the response of 'I'm not', but he couldnt seem to bring himself to do it, so he just sent a thumbs up emoji and tossed his phone to the side. Then he heard the door unlocking.

"Mom you couldve texted me if I needed to come down f-" Roman's vision was obscured by the black mass of clother that had found it's way into his room.

"Roman you scared the crap out of me!" Virgil said, holding tightly onto Roman's shoulders as he pulled away from the hug.

"You say that like it's a difficult job," Janus replied, Virgil glared at him, Roman suppressed the laugh building up in his stomach.

"But seriously Roman, are you alright? You seemed awfully troubled," Janus said, he was running his fingers through Roman's hair. Gods it felt nice, Roman didnt want him to stop, but he didnt want either of them there, he wanted to be alone but he wanted to be held. It was a flurry of feelings and Roman had no clue how to handle them.

"I-I uh-" he went quiet again, words were quickly making themselves scarce in his head. The tears that had been oh so good at staying behind his eyes finally began falling, much to the worry of Janus and Virgil, and much to the dismay of Roman.

"Oh Roman please dont cry, it's alright I promise," and Roman's face was buried in Janus' shirt, Virgil had already joined back in on the hug, Janus' cape wrapped around the three of them.

"Shhh. . . It's alright, you'll be ok Roman, you can do this, just breath," Janus continued whispering, Roman could barely register it through the fog in his head.

It took well over an hour before Roman finally calmed down, but by then the two boys had already left, and Roman was alone until school again.

Hestia wasn't on the bus that day, which had put Roman in a bad mood from the start. This only worsened from the passive aggressive comments on his tattoos, he wanted to curl up in a locker and never come out again, haunting the school sounded like a much better fate than whatever seemed to be playing out for him now. But of course, this plan required fate to be a fair person, and no abstract concept was ever fair if you werent a cookiecutter portion of society.

"Roman!" Roman looked up as he walked into the cafeteria, there was Virgil and Janus, sitting at their usual table, beckoning for him to come over.

So Roman sat at the very opposite end of the cafeteria. He couldnt do it, not today, not ever again. He couldnt drag anyone else down with him. He was Soulless and he was stupid and he mistook a stupid dream for a foolish reality, Virgil, Janus, and Hestia deserved a better friend. Roman was hardly worth the trouble.

He didnt speak to Janus in theatre either, merely moved away and stayed in the back as much as he could. At this point he didnt care if the other kids gave him worried looks, they had nothing to be worried about, that was just how things were.

This went on for weeks, and then the whispers in the hall began. He heard mentions of Virgil and Janus and so brushed it all off as some couple thing they'd done.

And then he heard the words 'new marks'. He didnt stop for long enough to hear the end of the conversation, instead he rushed off to the bathroom, taking off his hoodie, exposing his chest and arm.

And there, clear as they were all those days prior, two vibrant, and practically glowing, tattoos.

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Tag List:

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@nerosdayinhell

@melodiread

@frawkeye

@meowthefluffy

@pricklyfish777

@frog-candy-bee

@teamplutoforlife

@thecolorfulolive

@treeni

@moxy--sanders101

@sasmeo-bisaster

@coconut-cluster

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@galaxy-emo12

@pixelated-pineapple

@fanficloverinthesun

@loveyatothemoonandback

[thisbisexualbrainrot]

15x20: Soft Epilogue

Here I go writing fix it fic again. It’s almost 2am and I couldnt sleep until I posted it. I hope its enjoyable. Definitely fluff and a little angst thrown in as well. The soft epilogue with happy endings that Sam and Dean deserved. I didnt get a good place to mention this in the fic, but I believe Sam and Eileen would have rebuilt the American Men of Letters together. :)  _________________

Sunlight glinted against the black impala as she flew down the back country road. It was midday and the air was warm. Turns out when you are fighting for your life, you forget to pay attention to the seasons change. Sam was grateful they could pay attention to that now. 

He checked his phone again. No response yet. Where is she? 

“Hey um... Eileen hasn't called me yet and she's not answering. Do you think she didn't come back?” Sam asked, glancing over at Dean who was tapping his hand on the wheel. 

“Jack wouldn't do that, he would bring her back with everyone else. It's okay Sammy. She'll be there.” Dean assured him, he gave Sam a smirk and looked back at the road. “She probably just doesn't have a phone remember?” 

“Yeah, you're right.” Sam sighed, running his hand through his hair. She has to be there. Dean noticed Sam fidgeting and stepped on the gas.

In the backseat, Miracle barked in approval. 

Before Dean even had the car in park, Sam opened the passenger door and ran up to Eileen's door. Dean chuckled as he watched Sam bound up and the front door opened quickly. Eileen ran out to meet him and the two crashed into each other. Smiles, kisses, laughter. Good Dean thought Sammys happy. For the first time, Dean isn't worried about his little brother anymore. They changed the world, for good, and now Sam has a real chance for a real relationship. Eileen is good for him. 

Eventually Dean got out of the car, Eileen gave him a hug and signed while saying “Thank you.”

Dean looked at Sam, who hadn’t stopped grinning ear to ear, and smirked “Yeah well, now he's your problem.” “Yeah okay” Sam laughed. “I’ll call you later”. Eileen wrapped her arm around Sam’s waist and Dean was confident he wouldn’t be hearing from his brother for a while. 

“Yeah yeah” Dean smiled, “You kids have fun.” 

“I'm 37, Dean.” 

Dean gave them a shit eating grin and slid into the impala “I'm gonna go check on Jody and the girls. Apparently Claire is really pissed she got zapped and missed everything. She keeps texting me.” 

Dean put the car in reverse and he noticed Eileen jump into Sam's arms and kiss him as the car pulled away. Deans phone was laying on the passenger seat and it vibrated with another text from Claire: 

How is Cas? Is he with you? 

---

The lights flickered on in the bunker as Dean walked in with Miracle at his heels and he shut the heavy door behind them. The emptiness of it felt especially loud as he had spent the last few days sleeping on Jody’s couch in a house full of teenagers. 

He sighed as he remembered telling them about Cas. He couldn't meet Jody’s eye the entire time. He kept it simple, just told them what he had told Sam and Jack: 

Cas summoned the empty. 

Cas saved him. 

Cas was gone.  

Claire especially didn't take it well and the first night she fell asleep leaning on Dean's shoulder in front of the TV. Kaia came downstairs and Dean woke Claire up long enough for her to let Kaia lead her up to their room. 

Poor kid he thought as he picked up the decanter and filled his glass. He had gotten a text from Sam: 

Going on a trip with Eileen actually. We thought some time away might help us find normal again, if that's even possible. Call you later? 

Dean sent a short response telling Sam that was fine and tossed his phone on the library table.

What to do now? 

The whole world was open, skys the limit. For the first time he had no one to protect, no world to save, no monsters to hunt...just his own thoughts in an empty bunker. Well, except for his dog curled up next to his feet. It was terrifying and Dean found himself pounding down whiskey a lot faster than he intended. 

A few glasses in and he started praying. 

“Cas…” he whispered to the silence “Cas..I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” Dean felt his eyes fill with tears. “Cas...why didn't you tell me before...”

“Dean” 

Dean's head shot up. He must have really drank way too much because there was absolutely no way this was real. But there Jack was, standing in front of him with the same white jacket, same innocent smile on his face. 

“Hello” he said, raising his hand. “I'm here for your advice.” 

He said it so sincerely, Dean couldn't help but let out a sad, drunk laugh. His body relaxed a little and he looked up at him. “Man you can't just pop in- I mean you can it's just….Jack, I'm not in the place to be givin’ you advice anymore alright? Besides, I thought you were going to be all hands off?” 

“I am, mostly. I think. I don't really know, I'm still figuring it out. Amara is helping me.” Jack waited patiently while Dean’s intoxicated mind took in this information. 

“Alright” Dean stood up and leaned against the table, his arms crossed. Strangely, talking to Jack as whatever he was, was easier than he thought. He missed this. “What’s going on kid?”  

Jack nodded at Dean’s approval to ask. “I want to take Cas out of the empty but Amara said I should ask you.” 

Dean froze. His mouth went dry. Cas. “So you- you can get him out?”

“Yes, it seems quite possible. Chuck showed me how in his memories. He was able to pull Lucifer out and Amara told me it should work for Cas as well.” 

Dean's head was spinning. “I..um well, why are you asking me then?” 

“You are very important to him Dean.” Jack said with such firm resolve, “If you think this is a bad idea, I will respect that. Amara said it should be up to you.” 

Dean's heart leaped at the thought of seeing Cas again. Panic mixed with pure elation. He was terrified but of course the answer was obvious. “Yeah..” Dean whispered. “Yeah” he repeated louder, clearing his throat “Yeah, Bring him back.” Dean swallowed and looked at the floor. His mind desperately trying to understand that this was happening, this was real. Cas.

Jack smiled “That's what I told her you would say. Thank you Dean. Give me a moment.” and disappeared. The silence was deafening and then Dean heard his phone vibrate. He spun around and almost fell over a chair getting to where it laid abandoned on the table. “...Cas?” 

“No, Dean it's Sam. Are you okay?” “Sammy I um....” Dean couldn't find the words “Jack, he was here.” 

“What? Dean what's going on?” 

“He-...” And then Miracle started barking and Dean let his phone drop to the floor.

“Hello Dean”

He was standing a few feet away, this couldnt be real.  “...Cas I..” Dean started but he lost the ability to speak. He was really there. Rumpled trench coat, crooked tie, tousled hair and bright blue eyes. Dean tried to speak again. Why couldn't he say anything else? Too drunk, too stunned and too afraid to move. Damn it. “Cas...you’re here.”

“Yes” Cas smiled “I'm here.” Dean sensed a nervous caution in his voice. “It's good to see you Dean.” “Cas, what the hell were you thinking?” Dean’s voice was low and Cas furrowed his brow.

“I was protecting you.” 

Dean shook his head like he didn't want to hear it. Like he wouldn't accept that as a reason.

“Dean, BIllie would have killed us. You know that. The world needed you alive Dean. I needed you alive.” Cas paused and met Deans’ gaze again. “It was more important to make sure you were safe.” 

Dean pursed his lips and closed his eyes in frustration. “Im sorry, more important?” Dean looked at Cas again,  “No. You don't get to dip out. You should have told me about that deal! I could have helped you! I could have-... Damn it Cas!” Dean slammed the chair next to him and heard it clatter on the floor. 

“Dean I did what I needed to do. And I don’t regret any of it.” Cas let his voice raise a little in responsive anger but he chose his next words carefully, “I don't regret what I said and I don't regret saving your life.” Despite Dean's outward display of anger, Cas knew Dean was reacting out of love. This anger was misplaced guilt. “You owe me nothing Dean. None of this was your fault.” 

Dean was just drunk enough that he faltered, his voice breaking as he said “Cas, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Cas..I didn't stop you...I couldn't tell you...” 

Cas moved toward him then, reaching a hand to wipe away the tears Dean didn't realize were falling down his face. Dean could feel his heart aching against his ribs. How did he tell him that images of that moment came back to him every night, swallowed up in black? Cas crying, Dean reaching, Cas disappearing. Over and over they haunted him.

Cas lifted his hand away but felt Deans rough fingers stop him, holding his hand in place. “Cas….Tell me again. What you said..please..”

“Dean...” 

“No I..” Dean breathed out “I need to hear it Cas. Please tell me again.” 

Cas brought his head closer to rest on Dean’s forehead, closing his eyes. Dean lowered their hands, still grasping on in desperation. Cas could feel Dean shaking as he moved closer to him. Dean let his eyes flutter closed when he felt Cas rest against him. After a moment of silence, Cas said in a quiet voice “I love you Dean.” 

Dean wasn't sure if it was the whiskey or the feeling of Cas’s skin, warm and real against his face.Maybe it was just the pure joy that Cas was here or the relief that he would never leave him again. But he needed more, he needed to feel Cas. He needed to touch him. He moved in slowly, brushing their noses together. Cas’s breath staggered as he let Dean make the decision. Dean grazed his lips along the angels mouth and everything felt warm. The kiss was soft and cautious. Dean moved his mouth slowly, carefully and Cas leaned in slightly, letting Dean set the pace. And then, realization. 

Oh. Oh.

The energy changed and Cas felt Dean’s kiss deepen, his hand reaching up to wind fingers into Cas’s hair. And it was then that Cas allowed himself to grab onto Dean, pulling him in by his flannel. He breathed in Dean's scent, pine mixed with bourbon and aftershave and Dean let his other hand up to rest on Cas’s neck. He could feel the angel’s pulse racing as he pulled back to look at him. “This is...okay right?” 

“Yes” Cas breathed, and immediately pulled Dean in again. 

---

When Sam walked into the bunker he noticed the lights were on and a chair was toppled over in the library. Deans phone on the floor. But he didn't see anyone. “Dean?” 

Eileen followed after him, calling out for Dean. Sam ran to Dean’s room and when Eileen followed, Sam stopped her before she called out for Dean again. He gestured into the room. “Look” he signed to her. 

Dean was sleeping, his head resting on Castiel’s chest. Miracle was curled up at the bottom of the bed, her head resting on Dean's leg. Sam noticed Cas, in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt, calmly placing his fingers on Dean's temple. A pale blue glow kept Dean’s dreams peaceful and Cas ran his fingers through short hair as his hunter slept soundly. 

 “Cas?” Sam whispered, in disbelief that the angel was alive. Cas gently slid out from under Dean and moved to the door, shutting it carefully behind him.

 Sam smiled “It's so good to see you Cas.” He pulled the angel into a hug. “I thought you were in the empty. How are you here?” 

“Jack,” Cas smiled “He brought me back” Cas looked back toward the bedroom.”Dean and I have been...catching up.” 

Sam smiled and let out a short laugh “Yeah I can see that.” 

“I love him Sam” 

“I know you do. I never wanted to push him but I knew.” Sam let out a breathy laugh and ran his hands through his hair. “Wow I cant believe Dean finally figured it out. I can't believe this is really happening. What are you going to do now?” 

“Whatever makes Dean happy.” Cas said, so matter of factly that Sam shook his head in pure amazement and laughed again.

---

It was a small outdoor ceremony, but Sam and Eileen couldn't have been happier. Dean beamed with pride standing next to Sam, his tux pressed and black shoes shined. They held the reception in Jody's backyard, string lights and cheap alcohol. It was perfect.

Cas walked into the kitchen, slightly intoxicated and saw Claire sitting on the counter rubbing her feet “I hate heels.” 

“They do look very uncomfortable,” Cas replied. “These suits are restricting as well. My neck is very itchy.” 

Claire beckoned Cas over and loosened his bowtie. “You don't really need it all the way on anymore. Ceremony is over.” She smiled, “Your boyfriend took his off hours ago I bet.” 

Cas never will be used to hearing Dean referred to in that way. “Where is he?” 

“I think he’s out front on the porch.” She said, jumping off the counter barefoot and walking back out into the yard to find Kaia for a dance. She popped her head back inside “Oh hey, tell him I can work that Sunday shift he asked about okay?” Cas nodded and Claire spun around and headed to the dance floor. 

Cas walked out onto the porch to find Dean. The night air was cool and crickets chirped loudly in the fields. As Claire had suspected, Dean’s tie was long gone. His dress shirt was unbuttoned enough to reveal the t-shirt underneath, and to see the necklace filled with Castiel’s grace glowing on his chest. He took another drink from his beer and looked up. “Heya Cas.”

“Hello Dean.” He paused and then remembered “Claire said she can work the Sunday shift.” 

“Ah, good. That kid is killing me. That's what I get for owning a bar, I guess. I’m a freakin boss now.” He laughed to himself, “It still feels weird to say it. Like I'm gonna mess it up.” 

“You’ve earned it, and you certainly are not messing it up.” Cas sat down next to him and smiled as Dean wrapped his arm around him, “How are you Dean?” 

“Eh, I'm fine.” Dean looked down, picking at the label of his beer. “Sammy seems happy, huh?”

“Yes, he does.” Cas reached out and pulled Dean’s hand away from his nervous movement, entwining their fingers together. “He's going to be fine.” 

“I know.” Dean says, squeezing Cas’s hand. “I just hate that he doesn't need me anymore.” 

“That's not true, he’ll always need you.” Cas reassured him. Dean leaned over and kissed Cas, gazing at him for a moment before saying “I love you, you know that right?” 

“I know,” Cas replied, “I love you too.” It didn't matter that they had been together for over a year, 6 months since Cas had made the choice to be human, it still made Cas shiver to hear Dean tell him he loved him.  

“You sure you don’t regret giving me this?” He holds up the glowing grace pendant. Cas shakes his head “No, not once.” and Dean pulls him in for another kiss. 

Jack watches from afar, a smile on his face. 

The sounds of the party last long into the night. 

[jbsonelesslonleygirl]

yellow - ushijima wakatoshi

Do you know For you I'd bleed myself dry AN: im sad so heres an angst piece 

Warnings: sad , mentions of NSFW

Summary: you were purple and he was yellow. you were never meant to be so you had to let go.

Song: Yellow - Coldplay 

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    Ushijima Wakatoshi was undoubtedly the most amazing volleyball player youve ever met. He was also the kindest most honest man you ever met. He was also a 3rd year and you were a 1st year manager. He never really spoke to you unless he was saying thank you for something. You had decided to admire from afar. 

Look at the stars Look how they shine for you And everything you do

  He seemed like the type of guy to be hyperaware of his peers but he was quite the opposite. Semi had to point out how your stare would linger on him a little longer or how when he said a simple “thanks” you would get all flustered. Ushijima had now suddenly noticed everything you did. From the way you would pat Semis head when he would greet you at the door to how your toungue stuck out when you were focused.And oh my god the way your hips moved when you walked and how when you got excited you jumped on the balls of your feet causing your tits to bounce or your ass depending on which way you were facing. Damn were you hot for a 1st year.

Yeah, they were all yellow I came along I wrote a song for you And all the things you do And it was called, "Yellow" 

  Next thing you know he wants you to help him after everyone else left. All he had said was “he had a slight problem” so you being madly in love with the tall man you know literally nothing about said a simple yes. 

So then I took my turn Oh, what a thing to have done And it was all yellow

  Now here you were  walking from the gym. And with your luck you would run into Tendou. He noticed the slight limp and look of bliss plastered on your face. He didnt say anything though. He knows his place. But he knows his bestfriend even better. “poor f/n” he thought. He knew where this was going and he just hopes it was a one time thing. 

Your skin Oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful You know You know I love you so You know I love you so

  You “helping” Wakatoshi soon became a regular occurance much to Tendous dismay. He straight up told Ushijima to end things before someone got hurt to which the ace simply said “no.”

  You knew you should have kept agreeing, You knew he was bad for you. But he was Ushijima Wakatoshi one of the most caring and honest people youve ever met. So when he had told you he loved you , you believed him. This is what love is...right? You loved him and he loved you. But if he loved you why were you a secret? How come you couldnt hold hands in public or talk to him during practice? Why couldnt you go on dates? Oh! He said he didnt really want to deal with other people prying into his life. He has to worry about volleyball and hes constantly bombarded with questions and interviews. He also said he didnt want you to be stressed because of that stuff too. How sweet of him. 

I swam across I jumped across for you Oh, what a thing to do 'Cause you were all yellow

 One day as you were leaving Ushijima and yours special “spot” you ran into Goshiki. He instantly started to bombard you with questions. “Why are you walking funny?” “Why does your voice sound so strained?” “Are you sick?” you felt overwhelmed. Until Ushijima walked out of your spot, “Thank god Toshi can explain we were “hanging out” That was until Ushijima froze and instantly asked what Goshiki was doing there. And when he tried to explain himself Ushijima cut him off by saying if he ever told anyone you were with him he would- He was cut off by your sniffling. You honestly hadnt even noticed you were crying until Toshi was at your side asking why you were crying. 

   I drew a line

I drew a line for you

Oh, what a thing to do And it was all yellow

  Why were you even crying? Toshi loved you and you loved him. Goshiki was your friend but Toshi did want nobody to know so he had to tell Goshiki to not tell any- “Are you embarassed of me Toshi? Am I not good enough? I dont care about what others will say. I love you and you love me. Thats all we need.” 

  Silence had surrounded the area. No one moved for 15 solid seconds that felt like 4 years. Until Ushijima had spoke up “I dont wish to be in a real relationship with you.” and suddenly that straight forwardness that you found so sweet was bitter. “what?” your voice was small. You guys loved eachother why wouldnt he want a relationship. You let him be your first kiss,first time,first boyfriend. But wait didnt he just say he didnt want to be in a relationship? So that means hes your...”fuckbuddy?” you whispered out. Goshiki was long gone by now, wanting to be as far away from here as possible.

Your skin Oh yeah your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful

  Ushijima had asked what you said and you only looked up at him with tears in your eyes and anger in your broken heart. 

“ Do you know for you I'd bleed myself dry?”  You had managed to say through all the emotions filling your body. 

“F/n....” he said trailing off towards the end. He felt guilty. He shouldve listened to Tendou. 

“ For you I'd bleed myself dry!” you had yelled out slamming your fist on his chest to which he stumbled backwards a bit. Every emotion spilling from you.

He saw the pain in your eyes and he knew he fucked up. He knew this was his fault. 

It's true Look how they shine for you Look how they shine for you Look how they shine for Look how they shine for you Look how they shine for you Look how they shine

“You Ushijima Wakatoshi are the worst man to ever walk on this planet. But oh my god,I cant help but love you. Whats wrong with me? I knew we wouldnt last. Youre meant to become a star Toshi. Youre meant for big things.” 

He heard the pain in your voice and he wanted to throw up from the guilt. How could you admit you still loved him after this? How could you say those nice things?

And with that you looked at him one last time with tears in your eyes and bowed saying “I will see you at practice tomorrow Ushijima-Senpai.” and left and he was there with everything that was supposed to be for the person who truly loved you. And he wished he could give it all back. 

-----------------------

1 year later 

------------------------

As you looked over to the small TV in your dorm watching the volleyball game with your roommate you felt tears well in your eyes as you saw how well he was doing. You knew he was gonna be a star one day. 

Look at the stars Look how they shine for you And all the things that you do

[words-for-holland]

Happier (7) | T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N ultimately makes a choice that might just change the game. Tom is out with Natalie and LOTS of questions are asked. Is Unknown back for more mischief?

A/N: Wow 7 already?? Thanks again for the support!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Masterlist

Choices

No one goes through life without have to make choices. Sometimes, the choice is easy, but other times it becomes the most difficult, nervewrecking thing one can come across. The worst part...there’s no one to blame but yourself if you choose wrong. The day Y/N broke up with Tom was the most difficult and heartbreaking choice she could have ever done. But what would you do if you were given the option of saving everything your boyfriend had worked for his entire life and breaking both your hearts for a time being?

Now as Y/N lays in bed, surrounded by darkness and her two friends, she is left with another difficult choice. “This was your home. Your real home is in London with us.” Harrison’s words repeat in her head. “So what do you say?”

Her mind reminisces to every amazing moment she’s had in London. All the laughter, adventures, and love she’s shared with every one; it was everything Y/N could have wanted. Then she thought of Tom, and how her feelings were amplified with him. He made her feel more alive, but now miles and hearts apart, life was lifeless. The bad memories start to flood, reminding her of why she was back here in the first place.The messages, the media...Natalie. It made her sick to a point she had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom in order to cleanse away the energy.

As Y/N washed her face and looked in the mirror, she couldnt help but notice something strange in her reflection. “Yes, that’s exactly how you look when you’ve been betrayed and heartbroken.” A voice spoke out. Y/N displayed a look of confusion. It certainly wasn’t Harry or Harrison voice. The voice was femine. In fact...it sounded a little bit like...

“Hello? Earth to Y/N! I’m right here!” The voice exclaimed, as Y/N turned around to the sink and saw a version of herself.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Y/N screams, backing up and hitting the cream colored wall.

“Calm down. It’s just your concious.” Y/N’s subconcious, casually stated as she took a sip off a nonexistant champagne glass. She was definitely dressed more classier than Y/N and her attitude was straight to the point. Traits Y/N had always wished she had.

“I definitely must be losing my mind.” Y/N shakes her head, her face plastered in disbelief. She takes a seat on the floor and starts to cradle her head.

“Oh sweetie, you’re not losing your mind. You just need help making another big decision in your life.” Her subconcious smiles, sitting down properly as she plays with her glass.

“Yeah...and where were you when I was breaking down because I had to choose leaving Tom or saving his career?” Y/N challenged as she picked her head up to look at her fiery clone.

“Well, I was hoping you’d have made the right choice then, but clearly looks like you’re incapable of doing that... so here I am.” Y/N’s subconcious gestures with a smile. “So? What’s it gonna be? Staying here or London with your man?” She asks fliratiously when she indirectly mentions Tom. “Here’s a hint. If you’re choosing to stay here, you’re choosing wrong.”

Y/N glares at her subconsious, her eyes filling up with annoyance. “Are you serious right now? After everything that’s happened...you want me to go back to London? God, I feel like a broken record. Why doesnt anyone get it?!”

“No, I think the real question is why dont you get it?” Her subconcious snaps. She stands up and moves closer to Y/N staring into her eyes, as if she was pulling out an inner truth. “You know that whole relationship is a ruse. You know Tom still loves you, and you’re the one spending all this useless time, trying to find an answer that you and I both know.”

Y/N stares down at the tiled floor, eyes welling up with tears. Her subconcious continues, “if you’re still thinking about those stupid messages and Unknown, just stop. Stop the bullshit. At some point in your life, you’re going to have to face the fear, the insecurities, and the threats. It’s a part of your life, and if you let that stop you, you’ll be miserable like this for as long as you live. Think about it.”

With a snap of her fingers, her subconcious disappeared and Y/N was left alone in the bathroom. The time ticking away as she stood silently deciding her future.

Back in London, Tom and Natalie had been give a stunt to pull off at the Kingston Farmers Market, where on even the rainiest day, the small quaint shops display their finest produce and trinkets. As the lovely couple make their way down the streets, Natalie wraps her arms around Tom’s as she snuggles into his neck to keep warm. Tom smiles at the gesture, but those that knew him, could easily point out it was the smile reserved for work.

As they walk hand in hand, Tom observes all the small stands and their beautiful displays, but one stopped him in his tracks completely. It was a small sweets stand that showcased their finest desserts and pastries. He remembered it very well from 3 years ago. After all, this was the exact spot where Y/N and Tom had their first date.

He rememebered the stroll they took as they walked down the cobbled road with all the wooden stalls lined up on each side. How Y/N ‘s tiny hand had fit perfect in his, fingers laced together, as they lightly swung back and forth. Tom could hear her laughing as she was telling him a story about her embarassing moments with her childhood friends. He remembered listening intently and smiling back, telling Y/N she was something else in the best way possible. Tom remembered how she stopped at this very spot, where he and Natalie now stood today.

“Do you want to take a look?” Tom asked, smiling as he saw Y/N looking at the desserts and pastries as if they were her first love. “You’re practically drooling.” He joked, only to get a slight shove from her.

“Am not!” Y/N laughs, keeping her eyes focused on the desserts. “Just admiring the view.”

“Ouch. Here I thought I was the view all along” Tom responds, putting a hand on his wounded heart. A moment of silence passed, but it was anything but akward. They smiled, looking into each others eyes. Tom took notice of every little detail that made up her delicate, soft face. He took her hand again as he lead her to the stall. “C’mon, lets see if we can find something to satisfy that sweet tooth of yours.”

As the two looked carefully at the display, one caught his eyes. It was big enough to share, shaped in a heart, and the best part...covered in chocolate and whipped cream. “How cheesy.” Y/N says as he picks it up.

Tom froze, his cheeks turning a slight pink. “Is it?”, he questions as he was about to put it back until Y/N stopped him.

“Cheesy, but in a good way.” Y/N says as she takes the pastry and hands it over to the cashier. Tom smiles at her, letting out a soft chuckle as he pays for it. They split it in half as they took a big bite, making sure to get every element of the pastry. It was soft, sweet, mushy, and crunchy all that the same time. As they each pulled away from the dessert, Tom noticed a little bit of cream lingering at the top of her lips. “You got a little something there.” Tom laughs pointing to where it was.

Y/N tried to lick it off, unsuccessfully as Tom shakes his head. He comes in closer leaning in as his lips touched hers, making an effort to wipe off the cream. Their lips lingered for a few seconds, slowing and reluctantly parting away. He could never forget how soft her lips were, and how a thousand butterflies exploded the moment he first kissed her at that very stand.

“Better?” She asks as she looks down, hiding her rather giddy smile.

“Better than I could have imagined.”

It was in that moment, Tom had woken up from his daydream of the past. “Tom! C’mon! You could at least act like you’re interested in me for the cameras.” Natalie snaps him out, showing evidence of annoyance. She grabbed his arm again as they walked towards the sweet stall, tainting the memories of Y/N and Tom’s first date. Natalie’s face softens as she looks at the display and then looks at Tom as he eyes the one pastry. “Look I’m sorry. I didnt mean to lash out like that. It’s just..I’m really trying to help you get over this and make you feel better, while being in this situation, but you’re not really helping me out here.”

“I’m sorry Natalie. Im just...not really feeling up to this.” Tom admits as he looks at Natalie with a solemn smile.

Natalie rolls her eyes, as she hears the same response from him for the 50th time since the fiasco happened. “Tom, I get you’re still heartbroken and all I told you Im trying to be here for you, especially since Harrison and Harry are god knows where. But I need some effort on your end. Plus you did agree to do the PR.”

Tom looks at her with digust, glaring into her dull brown eyes. “Only because your publicist threatened me pictures of Y/N and some bloke she was with!”

Natalie crosses her arms listening to Tom as if it wasn’t a big deal. “You mean her new boyfriend? And my publicist never threatend you. She just...simply stated facts.”

“He isn’t her boyfriend!” He says as his voice starts to boom with anger. “And I was stupid enough to believe it and wait for Y/N to say it herself. She told me your publicist worked with Y/N’s friend and sent it in...Is it true?”

Natalie looks at him, frozen with fear, her top lip shaking just a little. “You know? She called you?” She asks.

“It doesn’t matter if she did or didnt. Is it true?” Toms asks again.

“I don’t know Tom. I know only as much as you during that meeting. And why would you believer what comes out of her mouth. Maybe she’s playing you. She broke your heart and I dont see why she wouldn’t do it again by manipulating you with facts that could or couldn’t be true.” Natalie speaks out as she continues to look away. “C’mon the paparazzi are here.”

Tom looks at her in disbelief, scoffing at her response. He drops his arm from her hands as he walks away. Natalie stands there watching him, as she felt her phone vibrate.

Unknown

Pushing him away, pushes away your dreams ❤️

Natalie stares at the notification, her face turninng pale as if she had seen a ghost. This wasn’t how the game was supposed to work, and yet here she was. She knew exactly what the text meant and perhaps even worse...knew exactly who it came from, which made it all more impossible to fight back.

A few days had passed, and Tom comes down to the kitchen to see Harrison and Harry entering the house setting down their luggages and bags. “And where the hell did you two divs go?” Tom questions them, evidently pissed off that they both went somewhere without a word. He was ready to say more when he saw Y/N walk through the doors with her baggage in hand. To say he was surprised was an understatement. In fact he was shocked, over the moon. He discreetly piched himself to see if he was dreaming. He certaintly was not. Y/N was here.

“Y/N” was all he could manage out. “I..I..”. It had been months since he last saw her, and yet she still looked beautiful even if she had no makeup and showed signs of distress. It broke his heart immensely to see her in this state.

“Dont get too excited. Im only here cause Harrison and Harry wouldn’t leave me alone if I didnt come.” Y/N grumbles as she brings her stuff in.

Natalie heads down the stairs to join the group, eqUally as shocked to see Y/N back. “Oh...you’re..you’re back.” She states nervously and clearly annoyed. Everything they had set up was no longer going according to plan.

“I am. I’m gonna go set my stuff up in the attic.” Y/N speaks out as she awkwardly makes her way upstairs.

“You know what. I’m sure you boys have a lot to talk about, so I’ll just make my way to my room.” Natalie quickly says, disappearing from the room.

Tom, Harry, and Harrison were left in the room. All three staring down at each other. “You went to see her?” Tom spits out. “And didn’t tell me?”

“Tom. We need to talk.” Harrison says as he sits him down ready to speak out on everything that has been waiting to be brought to light.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs @joyleenl @holland-bowen @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

[swampgallows]

yesterday walking xena i was sitting in the shade with her at the park because it was nice, we were a good distance from anyone, and before i realized a little girl came up from behind us to pet xena. we were both sitting and i couldnt get up in time so i just held xena by her harness to make sure she wouldnt jump up, and i started trying to pull her away. the mom comes up to us and starts telling her daughter HOW to pet xena, and i keep pulling xena away to direct her from the girl, but she keeps coming toward us. i pull her away and she ends up behind us again, trying to pet xena from behind (while i am also holding the harness), and then HER MOM crowds behind me and is like NO NO NO HONEY DONT GET BEHIND THE DOG, IF YOU WANT TO PET HER THEN COME THIS WAY, and basically this little girl and her mom are directly on top of me and back me and xena up against the tree

i was more focused on just holding xena back/down, and i was so terrified of xena accidentally hurting this toddler (i NEVER let her near small children because she weighs more than we do), but i just like...froze, and i couldnt say anything. neither the girl nor her mom had masks on (i did), and they were just like cornering me and xena, it wasnt until it was over that i realized how fucked up and bad the whole thing was. pandemic or not they completely violated my personal bubble; they were standing up over me and xena who were sitting down, and i didnt have any room to stand up, and i was cornered against the tree we were sitting under. like i just got mobbed by this little girl and her mom

i dont have my vaccine appt until the 30th, and it’ll be my first shot. and i just thought like if i get covid from these people this late in the game i dont know what im gonna fucking do. the mom had all these fucking new agey tattoos lining her arms  and shitty fake dreads and whatever, and the fact that neither of them were wearing masks and think they can fucking behave like that makes me think they prooobably didnt get vaxed. 

like obviously id rather get covid than have xena put down for pouncing on a toddler, but im still really fucking pissed about it. i will probably be okay, but i havent had an encounter that violating in a very long time.

[tanakax123]

*Not Just friends* part 1???

~Manger Fem reader x Oikawa 

~summary: You are the manager of the Aobajohsai High volleyball team. really close friends with Oikawa, so you know he has a lot of girls going after him. He rarely dates them however when he gets a new girlfriend she does not sit well with you. Will oikawa pick her or you?? 

~ warnings: uhhh idk but hes kind of mean at some point, bad words, bullying?

~ A/N: i suck at writing and im trying to get better so yes. Hahaha so enjoy this trashy story lol. 

     Being friends with Oikawa Toru is one of the most difficult things that anyone could ever imagine. However you manage just fine, well not really because he was cute but not the point. All these girls keep trying to fight you since you are one of his closest friends. However it has never bothered you and even if it did Oikawa made sure that they knew where they stand, which just made your heart race really fast. Which is why the amount of bullying from the girls settled down. 

     One day you were on your way to volleyball practice when you bumped into Iwaizumi. “Hello Y/N, im so sorry are you okay”. You looked up at him with a smile and just shook your head. “Its okay Iwa, are you on your way to practice? lets walk together”. he just smiled at you and then started walking towards the gym. 

On your way there you guys were just talking about a new movie that had just come out. When you guys started to get closer to the gym you heard two people talking and one of the voices sounded really familiar. You grab your friend and pull him to the wall. “whats wrong Y/N?” you look at him and put a finger over his mouth. You then point outside where he notices Oikawa talking to a female student. Both of you look at eachother, nod, and start to listen to the conversation. 

“Oikawa...I... I really like you. P-Please accept my feelings” said the girl. 

Your turn to look at Iwazumi suprised. You looked at him and you realize he notices the same thing as you. 

...Oikawa was blushing. 

At this moment you kind of felt a bit jealous. You have never seen Oikawa blush this much. And for a girl? never. Only for volleyball but I think everyone has seen that.

Then Oikawa gave his answer. “I accept them” and he smiles “I like you too.” He then tilts his head to give her a kiss. you rapidly turn around and hug Iwaizumi trying to hide the tears in your face. You have had a crush on your bestfriend for so long but he never noticed you so you just kept being his friend. Iwaizumi being the amazing friend he is already knew that you had a crush on Oikawa so he just hugged you back rubbing circles on your back. “It is going to be okay Y/N” he assured you. However, you were not so sure. 

Once you calmed down you and Iwa walked to the gym together. You felt bad since you caused iwa to be late to practice. “Dont worry about it, your emotional state is important to me too” he smiles at you and leaves to go get changed. You then enter the gym and notice Oikawa is running towards you

“Y/N, I have newsssssss!!!”. You take a deep breath and put on a smile. You can not let your feelings get in the way of being happy for your best friend. “Yes Toru?” (since you guys became best friends he insisted on you calling him by his first name, and since then you have never called him by his last name) he had one of the biggest smiles. you tried so hard not let tears fall. 

“I have a....girlfriend!!!!” 

You stopped smiling but he didnt notice. You smiled once again “Thats awesome Toru”. He grabbed your arm and tried to pull you in for a hug, however you stopped him. “If you have a girlfriend you probably should not be hugging other girls” you teased. He gave you a confused look “but you are my best friend, you dont like me like that so its okay, besides she knows we are close friends” you look up at him and laugh nervously “haha right” you give him a hug and tell him to go back to practice. What you both didnt know is that his girlfriend was standing outside looking through a window. 

she really did not like you. 

but we dont like her either so bleh

After about a month of them dating Oikawa has been hanging out with you less and less. It was only natural right? he got a girlfriend and he is spending most of his time with her. However it was NOT natural. He basically only talked to you like once every two days. Not even at volleyball practice. 

pathetic.

After a volleyball practice, you notice Oikawa starting to walk up to you. You look at him but then turn away to start cleaning up since it was time to go home. “hey Y/N...” you just nodded your head but did not say anything. he frowned “...im really sorry”. you knew why he was apologizing so thats when you looked up. There he was looking really upset. how could you not accept that apology. “ohh~ is the great Toru really apologizing... to me?!~” you tease. He then looked at you with wide eyes, immediately replaced with teasing ones. “you know what i take my apology back~” you start to laugh. he then tries to reach for your hand to pull you into a hug but once you see this you pull your hand away. “we should finish cleaning” you smile awkwardly then start walking away towards Iwaizumi. the entire team saw you guys, they knew something was not right but they decided not to say anything. “Are you okay Y/N?” Iwaizumi asked. you smile at him “of course”. Oikawa saw this interaction, he was not jealous of course he was hehe but he didnt know why he felt so uneasy.

Once you were done cleaning you were the last one there because the coach had to talk to you about the next practice game that was going to be in a week. When you started to lock the gym you heard footsteps behind you. you turn around and there she was. that bitch... i mean Oikawas girlfriend. 

“hey y/n we have to talk”. you just looked at her ‘why the hell is she here at this time of night’ however you just nodded your head signaling for her to start talking. “look y/n, im going to get straight to the point, i dont like you..” ‘ wow i am sooo suprised’ you thought “...you are annoying and always getting in the way. I love Oikawa so im going to do what is best for him” she stayed silent for a while. but what she said next you were not ready for. 

“You need to stop being friends with Oikawa” 

Your eyes widen and you swear you stopped breathing. what the actual fuck does this bitch think she is saying. stop being friends with Oikawa? why? why does she hate you so much to do this? of course you were not just going to let her push you around. 

“What the fuck did you just say to me” 

“you heard me”

“im sorry but i am not going to be doing that. Not unless he asks me himself, but since you swear you know him so well then you know that he wont be doing that so please stop this before you regret it”

and then before you knew it you were on the ground. she fucking punched you. ‘shit she is strong’ “You better do as i say before you lose Oikawa in the way that he wont even look at you” she then started walking away “watch yourself” and all you hear is her footsteps as you are staring at the ground. 

You dont know how long you were staring at the floor, until you heard a voice “Y/N!! are you okay??” then they started shaking your shoulders. You looked up and you see Iwa. “I thought you went home” you say. He then gave you a little side smile “and leave you to walk alone? what kind of friend would i be?” He then helped you get up and started to walk you home. 

On your way home Iwa asked you if you wanted to talk about it. He explained to you that he had seen the entire thing unfold. How she told you she didnt like you, how she told you to stop talking to Oikawa and how she punched you. You then turn to look at him with tears in your eyes. He looks at you with so much worry, so all he can think to do is hug you. The second his arms wrap around you all the tears you have been holding in just came out. You just kept crying and crying till you physically couldnt anymore. 

“it will be okay y/n. trust me”

the next day you went to school like nothing happened. 

and the next day as well.

and the next.

It was all forgotten about really, until oikawa asked you the one thing you didnt want to hear.

“Hey y/n! i think its time to introduce you to my girlfriend!” he shouted across the entire court during practice. everyone kind of just froze, especially Iwaizumi. Your glared at Oikawa “no thanks” you were mad. he hasnt talked to you in a while and thats the one thing he says to you? really? he started to jog towards you “come on y/n...you dont even know her. she is a nice person!” he tried reaching out for your arm but you swatted his hand away. 

“i said no Oikawa” 

His eyes looked hurt. You just called him by his last name. You never did that. Then it was his turn to be angry. “Why not y/n. You are being unfair” and just as you were about to say something Oikawa’s girlfriend opened the gym doors. ‘speak of the devil’ you thought. you turn to look at Oikawa who looked really angry “we will talk about this later y/n” he said as he started to walk towards his girlfriend. You rolled your eyes and scoffed. 

“yeah right more like in the next 10 years” the volleyball team snickered except Iwaizumi. He knew what was about to go down so he was ready to interfere if necessary. This was when Oikawa snapped. 

“what the fuck if your problem”

you scoffed again. “whats my problem?” you started to laugh. “You really want to know?? Fine. I will tell you. YOU OIKAWA! you are my problem.” then you rolled you eyes “of course your little princess as well” you then turn to his girlfriend and bow down as if she was an actual princess. 

“I am your problem?!  the fuck did i do?! and dont be rude to my girlfriend. she hasnt done anything to you” 

“Thats the problem oikawa! you didnt do anything!! you stopped talking to me and dont even give me five minutes of your time! its like my fucking feelings dont matter to you! oh and by the way your little “princess” has done something to me” you then turn to her and say “you want to tell him sweetheart or should I” all while glaring at her. 

She then started to cry telling Oikawa that she would never do anything to you and that you were lying. “y/n stop telling lies. she wouldn't do anything to you” oikawa said. 

You looked at him. tears in your eyes. Hoping that he could see that you felt hurt and betrayed. “are you seriously going to believe her over me?! your best friend!?” Oikawa then looks between you and his girlfriend. 

“Yes. I am. shes my girlfriend.” 

You stood there. You couldn't even cry. so instead you laughed. you couldnt stop. Your laughter just made the rest of the team cringe. they could hear you were hurt. “y/n...?” you hear Iwaizumi say. Then you stopped laughing. looked straight at Oikawa. Then let the tears roll down your face. 

“Fine.” you started to gather up your things then put your bag over your shoulder. You started to walk towards the exit. Once you were standing next to oikawa you stopped. 

“Goodbye Oikawa”

and with that you left. 

years of friendship and memories gone.

continue??????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you got to here hiiiiiii. Thank you for reading this!! i know it wasnt all that great but should i do a part 2??? there is more to the story in my head but im not sure if i should continue or let the reader suffer hehehe. please let me know!! 

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

[patterns-stuff69]

Dance on my grave

Chapter 3

-----------------------

Me and Shoto had grown really close this week. I felt so sad when I had to go back to class because I wouldn't be able to see  Shoto. His class was going on a camping trip.

I found out these feelings I felt for him was love.

How strange... I thought I would never be able to love someone romantically in my life.

I was staring at the board blankly. I was really bored and lonely. I was strong enough for my nurse to ket me go to class alone.

It was a new thing for me, but I didnt mind.

Mt mental health went down drastically though. The kids made fun of my illness and even shoved me around.

They kept saying that I'll never do anything great because I was so sickly and weak.

It really hurt me. I started to believe those statements. My nurse wondered what was wrong but I never told her.

I didn't want to bother her with my silly problems.

I wasnt worth any human sympathy, so why should I waste her's?

I hide my feelings and troubles from my therapist too. He doesn't even suspect a thing.

I sighed as I wrote down what Present Mic told us to.

I started to feel my eyes fall closed and my breathing became shallow. I passed out at my desk.

I soon woke up in a hospital bed, connected to a heart monitor and life support.

A light went off and a group of nurses rush on with a doctor.

My parents werent there. There was nothing that told me that they visited.

Just as I thought. I was a waste of space. A bother. Not even my parents wanted to see me.

Thwy hate me. Everyone hates me. Even Shoto.

I sighed in relief when the nurses exited. They left me alone with my personal nurse. She turned the TV on for me.

Thwy were talking about Shoto.

I spotted his last name.

It took a bit to click, but when it did, I freaked out.

He's a Todoroki?!

Why didn't he tell me that? Did something bad happen?

I was so surprised. I decided to ask him when I exited the hospital.

Who knows how long I'll stay in this place.

------

I heard that Midoriya was in hospital. He apparently fainted in class due to his oxygen running out.

How dumb could his nurse be?

I sighed as I took my red and white hair out of my face. I wanted to see the TV better.

My heart sank when I heard that I was on the news.

Midoriya would surely know that I'm a Todoroki. That'll scare him off. I dont want that... I've grown feelings for him.

I can't loose him, not yet.

Chapter 4

------------------------

I was out of hospital and back at school.  I feel like Shoto is ignoring me... and it hurts.

I was just walking to the cafeteria when I saw Shoto talking with that black haired girl from 1-A. I think her name was Momo.

Momo was giggling and blushing while Todoroki was looking at her like a boyfriend would.

My heart sank and I just rushed out of the cafeteria. Tears were brimming my eyes.

Why am I crying? Why does it hurt so much?

My nurse tried to follow me, but she couldnt. I ran into the boys bathroom, locking thr door. I went to a stall and closed it's door. I just started ro cry.

Why am I feeling this much pain?

Why does it hurt so much to see Shoto with her?

My heart monitor started beeping loudly.

I guess this had put a lot of stress on me.

What am I going to do now? I thought he cared about me.... but now he's ignoring and avoiding me.

Did I do something wrong?

I knew it.... he was just pretending. He actually hates me and that teddy bear was a fake gift. He didnt want to tell me his last name because he didnt want me to ruin his image.

I should just leave... forever. It'll make everything easier for everyone... especially mom and dad.

My vision was starting to become a lot more foggy and blurry. My breathing became unsteady and really quick.

It feels like something pressing on my chest. Why does it hurt this much?

I started screaming for the first time in the longest time.

It hurts a lot more than my illness. It feels like my heart is shattering.

Am I dying?

Maybe I am... that'll be amazing...

Before I knew it, I was passed out. The last thing I heard was the door unlocking. I saw a blurry face. They had red and white hair.

-----

I found Midoriya's nurse at the boys bathroom. She was looking at me with worried and angry eyes.

She pointed at the door  "Help me open the door... please. He's in there. He looked troubled."

Before I could kick the door down, I heard a scream come from behind the door.

My heart sank and I froze the door handle. I opened the door and found Midoriya on the floor. His breathing was heavy and unsteady. He looked like he was having a panic attack.

"I think he passed out from a panic attack. We need to get him to the hospital." I spoke softly. I didnt want the nurse to know that I was scared. I need to remain strong... for Midoriya's sake.

We were in the hospital a few hours later. Midoriya was hooked up on life support and they had to put him into an induced coma.

I don't know why, but they had to.

I took Midoriya's hand into mine ans sighed shakily "I'm so sorry Midoriya... I dont know what caused you to freak out like this.... but.... it was probably my fault."

I asked the nurses to leave me alone with Midoriya for a bit. I wanted to tell him how I felt... I dont care if he couldn't respond. I needed to tell him.

I was talking with Momo to figure out how to ask someone out. She helped me by being a test subject.

I pretended that she was Midoriya. I confessed to her and she smiled, telling me that Midoriya would love what I told her.

I looked at Midoriya, sighing shakily. I brought his hand up to my forehead, starting ro cry, "I'm so so sorry....Midoriya... please.... forgive me for whatever I did.... I.... I love you so much... I know we've only known each other for a short time now.... but... I'm sure that I've fallen for you... When... when they used my last name on the news... I was scared that you would leave me alone.... just because I was a Todoroki..." I took a breath.

"I started to avoid you.... but... that was a mistake... Midoriya... please forgive me... I know you probably dont feel the same.... but I love you..." I sounded so damn sad and desperate.

Damn it. I promised myself that I wouldnt cry.

I then felt Midoriya's hand tighten on my hand.

I looked up at him, sniffling. I saw that he had a soft smile on his face and tears falling from his eyes.

He was still asleep though. I knew that he heard me.

Thank you....

-------

I somehow heard Todoroki confess to me. I tried to wake up, but I couldnt.

I used all of my strength to squeeze his hand and smile. I felt tears fall from my eyes.

I felt happy and complete.

Chapter 5

------------------------

It's been a month now and Midoriya was awake.

It was a relief to know that. He also accepted my feelings for him. He likes me too, surprisingly.

I felt the happiest I've ever felt in my life.... this is amazing.

I was chased out of his room though. They needed to check up on him and it seems that he doesnt need his personal nurse anymore.

The school is gonna let us share our dorms so that I can take care of him.

I was pretty happy about that. He also seemed way happier.

I was hugging him while he was catching up on work. He looked so cute when he focused. I really like it when he looks like this.

I nuzzled into his back and let ou a hum "Do you need any help Izu?"

Midoriya smiled softly and shook his head "Not really Sho.... I'm doing quite well." He mumbled.

I nodded and kissed his bacl softly before drifting off into sleep.

After a few hours, I felt two arms wrap around me. I opened my eyes and saw Midoriya hugging me. He was smiling softly "Hey Sho..... Sorry for waking you up."

I smiled and shook my head "It's fine. Are you tired?"

He nodded and nuzzled into my chest "Yes.... I'm very tired...." he yawned and closed his eyes, falling asleep.

He was getting tired a lot more easily thesw past few months. I wasnt really concerned about that. He told me that if he didnt feel well that he'll tell me.

I never thought anything of this, until he didnt respond to me the next morning.

I tried to wake him up, but he kept sleeping.

I called the hospital and a nurse who was accompanied with a doctor arrived.

They checked up on Midoriya and they frowned.

The doctor looked at me "He needs to be hospitalized again. His condition has gotten worse."

I tensed up and nodded "A-Alright..."

This cant be happening again. I cant lose him now.