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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 9 months

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Blind Offer 2

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon, manipulation, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: After a leak causes you to evacuate your apartment, your landlord offers a vacant unit that’s too good to be true. (short!plus!reader)

Character: Steve Rogers, additional characters to come

Note: This is one of my Corrupt-A-Wish requests but I won’t reveal which one right away because it’ll be part of the plot!

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you like I love turning intended one shots into series. Take care. 💖

You come out of work exhausted. The back to school crowd is still in full effect and infringing on your stocking time. Rather than pop your earbud in and lose yourself in barcodes and inventory counts, you more often found yourself searching out a salesman or running to the back to grab a device yourself.

You yawn into the crook of your elbow, feet carrying you out of routine rather than any coherent thought. There’s a flash of headlights as you pass a car idling along the pick up area and you slow down as you squint at the tinted windshield. The interior bulb flicks on and Steve leans forward, giving you a look through the glass as if you should be expecting him.

You slow down and approach the driver’s side as he rolls down the window. You lean in and give a sheepish smile, “uh, I…”

“Didn’t text?” He finishes your sentence, “I figured you were busy.”

“Oh, well, you didn’t–”

“Have to come get you. Yeah, I figured you’d say that again. Really, it’s kind of selfish on my part. Thinking of you waiting in the dark alone, it’s kind of my fault you even have to so I can at least give you a lift.”

“That’s… nice of you but tomorrow, I can catch a bus.”

“If you insist,” he shrugs, “I won’t twist your arm with my kindness.”

You laugh softly, unsure of his humour. It’s more akin to passive aggression. As if even thinking of passing up his offer is an insult. Wouldn’t it be worse to use him for free rides? You’re already getting to stay in a property well above your lease value.

“You gonna get in?” He prompts.

“Yeah, sure, sorry, I–”

“Hey, thanks for the help on that Lenovo,” Remo calls as he walks out the front doors, shooting you a three finger wave, “not bad for a warehouse jockey.”

“No problem. Have a good night,” you wave back.

You skirt around the hood of the car and grab the door handle. It snaps back and you wait until the locks clack back loudly. You get in and gently shut the door. You unreel the seat belt as Steve adjusts his rearview.

“You got a lot of friends at work?” He asks as he shifts gear, resting his toe lightly on the gas.

“Eh, I guess,” you lean your arm on the door, “busy day. Did a lot of running around.”

“Huh, yeah, maybe I should stop in tomorrow. Need some stuff for a few units. Got a security cam I need to replace and– you got appliances, don’t you?” He rambles over the steering wheel.

“Yeah, uh, I think. Mostly to order,” you rest your cheek against your knuckles and watch how you pass in and out of the yellow cones cast by streetlights. “I guess you’re still looking for a new washer then?”

“Well, they don’t make the same model anymore. Space is pretty compact which means I need something with the same dimensions. I’m shopping around,” He taps his fingers on the wheel, “I’ll figure it out.”

You nod and give a hum. No use worrying too much about it. You only rent the place, it’s really not your problem to think about the washer. He did say it already had issues before you.

“So, how do you like the place?” He asks abruptly.

“Huh, oh, yeah, it’s very nice. Big,” you answer nervously.

“Yeah, that one’ll go for a lot. A few showings but no bites yet. Probably won’t get anything until I can get you back to your place, heh,” he says the last part casually as if it isn’t directly aimed at you.

“Mmm, um, then I hope you find a washer soon,” you pull your arm away from the door and sit back in the seat. “I hate to be in the way.”

“In the way? I’m the landlord, I knew what I was getting into,” he assures you lightly, though it does little to assuage your doubts. “Oh, and since you didn’t really get a chance, I got a few groceries and left them at the place. Just to get you by.”

“You– Oh, gosh, how much do I owe you?”

“Consider us even. You’ve been pretty cooperative with all this back and forth, I’m the one who owes you.”

“Well, I don’t mind paying for my food–”

“Really, sweetheart, do you always react so adversely to kindness?”

“What? I’m not– no.”

“I’m being nice. I can tell you, there’s not a lot of landlords out there like me. I actually enjoy helping my tenants…” he turns onto a dark street and you shiver. You’ve never been down this way but you don’t live on this side of town. “I always said, whatever you need, just ask.”

“Sure, um, thanks,” you murmur.

He turns back onto a lit avenue as a glint of light flickers over him and draws your eyes. You catch him peeking at you, his blue eye reflecting the flash before he can look back at the road ahead. You shiver and cross your arms. It didn’t seem like he was looking at your face.

“Fresh sheets on the bed too. Hope you don’t mind, I did a once over when you were gone. Just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Quick vacuum and all that.”

“It’s your place,” you say, “I’ll be sure to leave it how I found it.”

He inhales, deep enough for you to hear, “I know. You’re not a troublemaker, are you?”

You swallow and furrow your brow at the dashboard. Again, it’s not just his words but his vague tone. You don’t understand the question.

“Good girl like you always pays her rent on time,” he praises, “I can tell you, that’s not always the case.”

You let out a breath, “oh, aha, yeah, well, scheduled payments… technology, right?”

“Mhmm,” he sucks his teeth and lets his arm rest on the console between the seats, ”it’s so easy to be lazy these days.”

🖤

Steve walks you up to the front door. Just in case you can’t get the code right, he claims. You get it on the first try and thank him. Again. He lingers, as if reluctant to leave you, as if he’s expecting to come inside with you. Almost as if you should invite him in.

You say good night and lock the door behind you. You take your time untying your black sneakers and hang your hoodie on the coat rack. When you dare to peek out the window, he’s only just striding down the path back to his car.

It’s slightly creepy but then you feel guilty, thinking maybe you were being rude not asking him in for a tea or something. You don’t know. This whole situation is awkward as hell.

You wander into the kitchen, your stomach growling from the measly microwave dinner you ate on your break. Steve’s ‘small shop’ is much more generous than you expect. Overdoing it seems to be a trait of his.

You read the side of the organic milk in the curved bottle. You know that it costs three times as much as your usual carton of skim. And the greek yogurt, definitely expensive. All brand names, none of the generic discount bin goodies you thrive on.

You let the fridge close as you take out the boxed butternut squash soup. Fancy, you think as you peruse the label. Gourmet, so it claims. You put some in a small pot and heat it up on the gas burner. As you do, you thumb through your phone, pacing around between stirring the thick orange puree.

You eat rich soup with a brioche bun from the market bag. You’re thankful now Steve didn’t ask for compensation, you’re not sure you could foot that bill. And to think, after him praising your timely payments, you would default on a grocery receipt.

You shut off the lights downstairs and flip on the sconce above the staircase and follow it up to the second floor. You come down the hall with a yawn, the bedroom door open and waiting for you. Your duffel is on the dresser where you left it.

You sift around for a loose tee shirt to sleep in and pull out your toiletry bag. You go into the bathroom and change before unzipping the pouch. You take out your cleanser and wash your face over the sink. You pause as you drop the bottle through the open mouth of the blush coloured bag, a fuchsia shape poking out from under your mouthwash.

You reach in and retrieve your bullet vibrator. What the hell? You definitely don’t remember packing that in your hasty evacuation. Besides, why would you put it in there? You shake your head and drop it back to the bottom.

You pat your face dry and take out your tweezers, cleaning up your brows and a few vagrant hairs along your chin. You put them away then ply on your night cream, making a face at yourself as you brush your teeth. You flip the switch off and use the light on your phone to find your way to bed.

You lay awake for almost an hour. You’ve never been good at sleeping in strange places. The house feels so empty it’s eerie. Your ears are pricked for any noise but there isn’t much. The walls are so thick, you don’t even hear the rustling of the tree that casts a shadow through the window or the chirp of crickets. Despite its luxury, the house is desolate.

Your eyelids start to itch and you feel your muscles ease. You start to drift down, a slow swirling descent that tingles in your sockets. That shell starts to encase you, little by little, paralysing you as it drags you down.

BANG!

It isn’t loud but sudden. The dull noise jars you up, chasing away the advance of your fatigue. You look around, heart beating wildly, searching for the source. It sounded close but you can’t be sure. It could’ve been all in your mind as you tiptoed the threshold of your unconscious.

You bounce to the edge of the bed and stand, wobbling through the dark until you find the switch by the door. The light shines out around you as you stop in the doorway, glancing trepidatiously towards the stairs. You near the top and turn on the next light, a cautious progress through the spacious house.

You go down each step, one at a time, and when you get to the bottom, you illuminate the entryway too, the front room, and finally the kitchen. There’s nothing there. You didn’t really expect to find anything. The noise felt much closer to the bedroom.

You return to the second floor, shutting off the lights along the way, and you peer down the hallway. You didn’t check up here. You pad along the soft runner rug and peek into the bathroom before you approach the closed door of the study.

You touch the handle and a zing of fear courses through you. You should just go back to bed. You don’t need to know.

You turn it and inch inside, snaking your other hand in to flick on the lights. The same. Nothing there. You shut the door and proceed to the second bedroom, the door is slightly ajar so you kick it open with your foot and let the light in the hallway pour in. Empty.

You’re imagining things. It’s being in this strange house. Whenever you stayed the night at your grandmother’s it was the same thing. If you weren’t awake, waiting for the creaks of the house to prove something sinister, you were trapped in shallow night terrors that felt too real.

You return to the bedroom. You don’t turn off the light right away. You grab your charger and plug in your phone, opening up the white noise app you never used. You scroll through the choices with their dreamy names; serenity, fantasy, rejuvenation…

Your thumb hovers over the start button as you hear something else. Muffled and hollow. You frown, you can’t tell if it’s real or your mind playing tricks. There’s such a surreal distant effect to the scream that you can’t be sure it’s not some stray cat yowling in the street. The silence that ensues feeds your doubt. You’re looking for peculiarities, that’s all.

You press play on the soothing wishing noises and set your phone on the night table. You get up to shut off the lights and quickly nestle into bed, pulling a pillow over your head to block out the room. You just need to make it through the first night.

🖤

The next day, you leave earlier than usual. The change in your bus route and prospect of a narrow transfer from one bus to the next, has you anxious. Before you leave, you double check that you have your bus pass and some spare change just in case. You hook your bag around your shoulder, the security system announcing your exit; ‘front door open’.

You pull the door shut and hit the lock icon on the pad. You test the handle to make sure it’s closed and for a moment, you’re disoriented as you hear the door unlock but it doesn’t budge. You frown and look up as a shadow emerges from the unit next to yours. It wasn’t your door.

A man with long brown hair poking out from under a ball cap turns to punch in his code before locking it. The pad flashes red confirming the door is secured. He scowls at the handle as he drops his arm straight, his hand balling to a fist as he mutters.

“Morning,” you greet, the typical squeaky greeting you give to your neighbours.

He winces and turns as he looks up at you. You must’ve surprised him. You give an apologetic wave and tight-lipped smile. His blue eyes shock you, bold but bright in his chiseled face. He tilts his head slightly before he spins without response and stalks away. You watch his broad shoulders as he marches across the street without looking.

Not the friendliest of neighbours but the first one you’ve encountered. It’s a little less offputting knowing you’re not the only one around. You let out a long breath and make your way down the paved pathway to the sidewalk. You peek back at the unit next door. The curtains are drawn and the place looks dark even at the peak of day.

You shrug it off. You should only be there for a couple more days. That’s it. That’s all you have to get through.

#steve rogers #dark steve rogers #dark!steve rogers #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #au #series #multifandom #blind offer #mcu #marvel #captain america #avengers

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exeggcute · 6 months

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well it's been almost six months which I think is long enough to break my posting embargo, so, uh: guess what! I got liposuction lol. specifically hip/thigh lipo to quell some pretty wicked dysphoria that stemmed from having such a feminine silhouette… and I have to say I'm really, really pleased with the results.

tbh my initial plan was to keep things under wraps for good which is why I haven't said anything about it yet (and even as I'm typing this up I keep debating whether to post it or trash it)—partly because I was/am worried people might Act Weird about it and partly because I get a little embarrassed talking about bodygendershit in general. but here we are. one reason I do feel compelled to finally share, other than being super happy about how everything went, is that I haven't encountered a lot of discussions about body sculpting as a possible avenue of gender-affirming care (although, to be fair, maybe I just haven't been looking in the right places) and I figured at least one person out there would be interested to learn about what I did and where I've ended up so far.

anyway. pics/details under the cut—nothing even remotely risqué (or yucky), I just know that body image stuff is fraught + not everyone is eager to hear surgery talk.

to be precise: I got tumescent liposuction of the inner and outer thigh, plus this ultrasound thing to help the skin shrink. a different surgeon who I consulted (but ultimately did not go with for a number of reasons) said that even if I got the results I wanted from lipo, which he claimed was unlikely, the affected skin would look loose/baggy/weird forever... and that surgeon was wrong on both counts lol. my elasticity was great bitch!!!!

they didn't take out that much fat overall, only eight pounds or so, but it's way more about the Where than the How Much. my actual surgeon (who kicks ass btw) said lipo isn't that great for weight loss per se, and what it's really good for is sculpting targeted areas—so basically exactly what I did. six months post-op I actually weigh about the same as what I did pre-op, but the distribution has held steady; more weight goes to my stomach now and less, proportionally, goes to my hips since there are fewer fat cells in that area now. so my silhouette retains its new shape!

the overall change is admittedly on the subtle side, since I'm pretty short and have wide hip bones (and you can't change your literal skeleton) but it's still gone a looooooong way. the main thing I requested from my surgeon was "I want to fit in men's pants" and boy did he deliver.

also a good place to note that if you're in the las vegas area looking for a plastic and/or cosmetic surgeon—this guy is board-certified in both btw—then I absolutely have the guy for you. feel free to DM me for details. lipo is clearly his specialty (and it shows!) but he also does a lot of breast revisions/mastopexy (i.e., fixing implants that other surgeons did a bad job putting in), regular implants, and face work (particularly facial feminization surgery). one thing that sold me on this guy was an enthusiastic yelp review from a local stripper who said he hid the incisions for her breast lift in her armpits so none of her clients would notice that she'd had work done... a true master of his craft

okay you've scrolled enough so I'll give you what you're here for lol. I don't have many pre-op pics because I was obviously unhappy with how I looked and was not taking full-body selfies on a regular basis, but here's a few I took ~2 weeks beforehand:

these super thin men's joggers were my go-to dysphoria pants, to the point where I bought five pairs in different colors, but now they're so baggy on me that they have the opposite effect and make it look like I have wider hips than I do. so I retired them from my wardrobe...

...except not immediately because I had to wear compression garments 24/7 for the first three months post-op and these joggers were just loose enough to comfortably wear a medical girdle underneath them at all times, 110° degree temperatures be damned. (not that I was going out much for the first month since I was soooooooooooo fucking bruised and sore lol.) here's a few post-op pics in the same style pants:

(first pic is less than 24 hours post-op, about to go to my follow-up appointment, looking greasy as fuck because I wasn't allowed to shower yet; second pic two days post-op and also post-shower, thankfully; third pic is about a month post-op.)

so, like, CLEAR improvement already. I will not be posting pictures of my black-and-blue-and-swollen-all-over legs but considering how puffy I was from getting internally pummeled with a cannula it's wild that I still saw improvement literally as soon as I came home.

recovery was obviously not a blast in the moment but I got off easy, all things considered. I was supposed to get drains put in and was Not looking forward to that at all lol. the first thing I asked when I woke up after surgery was "how many drains?" because they weren't sure if I'd end up needing two or four, but it turned out the answer was zero. no drains!!!

I did have to lie with my feet elevated for the first two weeks straight, and had major bruising that receded over the first month (you could barely see my regular skin underneath all the mottled spots), but little to no nerve pain, no weird complications, and I was more or less back to normal after six weeks. also noelle took very very good care of me and was brave about injecting me with blood thinners so I wouldn't get clots and die :)

when I went into it I was fully expecting to get huge vertical scars up and down the sides of my legs (and had made peace with it!) but instead I wound up with four tiny incisions like this, each less than two inches long:

what's totally crazy is that the scars are basically Gone now. like even when I'm trying to find them I struggle to locate the ones in the front. I joked to noelle that if someone did an autopsy on me they might not figure out that I'd had cosmetic surgery, especially since the skin on my thighs is back to its normal color and texture. (in this scenario I like to imagine that it's dana scully giving me the autopsy and I'm in an x-files plot where instead of regular lipo I got alien lipo and mulder figures it out purely by accident.)

with lipo it can take up to a year to see the full results but I already feel so much fucking better in my body that seeing old pre-op pics throws me for a loop. and I can absolutely wear men's pants now—pants for short and stocky men, to be fair, but actual regular men's pants and not exclusively Pants For Men With Huge Butts And Legs. which is the only style I could even hope to fit in before. and even then it was a stretch.

big pic dump of shitty mirror selfies taken over the last few months:

(also I really debated sharing this one but I already included it in the yelp review I left my surgeon so fuck it: here's a tasteful before-and-after in my undies where you can see my bare legs for easier comparison. left pic is one week pre-op, right pic is about five months post-op. including it as a link instead of embedding it in the post in case your boss happens to be reading over your shoulder at this very moment. also this is the one and only time you will ever see me stripped down on tumblr dot com so don't get used to it lol.)

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bookofmirth · 4 months

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Can I ask who's side you were on from the Ember bonus chapter? Or are you kind of neutral on it?

Oof this is so complex, anon. This is going to be so long. And I doubt that this conversation will be settled any time soon.

I wouldn't say that I am neutral because I have Thoughts and Feelings, but I think Rhys and Nesta both had good points and did dumb things. I know this post leans in Nesta's favor, but it's not anti anyone. It's more my thoughts about how complex the situation was, and why I think people did the things they did, what was motivating them. Let me explain:

Should Nesta have consulted someone about giving the mask to Bryce, even just to borrow it? Yeah, I think she should have. I knew that she had done that prior to having read the bonus chapter, and in the back of my head I thought it was so... weird for her to have given this important object of power to Bryce without asking for anyone else's opinion? I felt like I was missing some context, like why does Nesta just hold onto these objects all the time and do with them what she wills? Guess my unease was right, because other characters do NOT like how she handles the trove.

The stakes from Nesta being wrong about this were insanely, astronomically high. And "astronomical" isn't even a metaphor in this case, it's literal. She wasn't wrong, but that is a huge, gigantic, ridiculous risk to have taken. Everyone in acotar knows that the Daglan/Asteri are the beings who oppressed them thousands of years ago, and now they have proof in Bryce's arrival that the Daglan are still up to their old tricks. For the Daglan to then have these objects of immense power, potentially?? OOF. And Nesta is newer to the fae world, she may not fully grasp the gravity of the situation, so she probably wasn't working with complete understanding of the implications.

I mentioned that the group chat has been ACTIVE on this topic, and @areyoudreaminof (I think it was Kelsey, if not correct me) said that perhaps Nesta was thinking that by doing this, she could help humans in some way. Maybe not the humans she grew up with, but somewhere, Nesta thought, maybe she could do something good for other people who are effectively powerless. So I understand why Nesta did it. This was also after she had spent a bunch of time with Bryce, they learned about each other's worlds, and I think they had attained a sort of understanding.

Also side note, but people didn't trust Nesta with Made objects in acosf either and that was condescending as fuck - maybe she didn't want to be just as shitty to Bryce as everyone had been towards her. I get why people don't trust them with these objects, but in a way it comes down to underestimating them and not understanding their intentions.

Was Rhys right to have lost his mind about the mask going to another world? Absolutely. The Night Court is his responsibility, which means that everything that happens there ultimately falls to him. His fears about the Daglan invading again have been real since he saw Aelin falling through the sky. He's been thinking about these very real threats for a while. Merrill is researching other worlds and although this hasn't been confirmed, I feel like she was brought there for that reason? To give him answers? Whether or not that's true, Rhys is the High Lord and the fact that some of the most powerful objects in their possession were off galavanting in another world without his knowledge, in a way that could literally lead to the destruction of their world - Rhys being understanding and nice about it in this situation would be totally unrealistic.

Rhys has also Been Through It in terms of war, court politics, fae bullshit. He has a much better grasp of what the consequences could be if Made objects get into the wrong hands. His fears aren't hypothetical, they are very real.

HOWEVER - was Rhys right to have treated Nesta the way that he did? Absolutely fucking not. I am honestly so sick of him being a dick to Nesta just because of shit she's done to other people. Not to him. It was so hard to read descriptions of Nesta's body language when they came back into the scene, after their fight. "Nesta's shoulders tensing, her head bowing". For Nesta to have been so thoroughly chastised by someone who already has a history of treating her like shit, it made me so mad. For Nesta, who has gone through so much growth and made so many strides to not hate herself, to regain confidence and better awareness of herself, to have been made to feel small - it makes me so, so mad honestly.

The thing is, we don't actually know the content of their argument, what Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel said to Nesta. All we have gotten thus far is the aftermath. Maybe Rhys tried to be tactful and then Nesta pushed his buttons, as she's done in the past. All we know is how Nesta acts afterwards, which doesn't make me feel charitable in terms of how Rhys handled it.

I think - and again I'll need to read more of the context of this fight which I assume we will see in acotar5 - but I think that one of the main reasons Rhys was pissed off and reacted the way he did was because of his ego (and fear, even if it's justifiable). He's so used to calling all the shots, to having everything under control, that I think he's not used to anyone else having power on the same level as him. Power in this sense refers to authority, the ability for other people to make these kinds of decisions without consulting him. He's used to being the Big Man in Charge and Nesta is clearly a threat to that. This is all my headcanon/assumptions about how he's feeling, but... I'd be surprised if I'm off the mark, based on his past behaviors and the way he makes executive decisions without consulting the IC, who ostensibly exist in order to support him.

Basically, I think that Nesta was on shaky ground in letting Bryce borrow the mask even though it did turn out okay in the end, but Rhys was wrong for acting out the way that he did.

This is only somewhat related to your actual question, but I think that this is one of the scenes that we will see in acotar5, made possible by having Azriel's POV, him as the main character.

#hofas spoilers #spoilers #house of flame and shadow #house of flame and shadow spoilers #ask #anon #rhysand #nesta #acotar #acotar/cc #crossover stuff #hofas bonus chapter

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yuikomorii · 2 months

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might be wrong about this but I think the thing that really differentiates Ayato from his brother is that he actually values life in a ''pure way''. Both Subaru and Shu didn't really have the will to life until they met the MC, Reiji's only will was to overcome his father and become better than his brother due to his jealousy, and even if it doesn't seem like it from the surface both Kanato and Laito were too mindbroken due to their trauma to actually enjoy life in a non-twisted way.

Ayato went through a lot of traumatic experiences just like the rest of his brothers but unlike them, he actually had a pure reason to live, that's why he didn't abandon his brothers and was desperately searching for them when they arrived to Rottienburg (I think that's the name) and prioritized them after he got saved by reiji and was willing to go look for them with no plan ahead and he's never changed. Even after they obviously drifted apart he still wanted to save his siblings (like in Lost Eden) even if they didn't want to save him when he got kidnapped by Kino.

Or when he was the only who saved yui in the anime when she got kidnapped by the mukami (Ik it's only fanservice because the anime shows Ayato as the ml). Or when he was the only one worrying about mc in the Olympics cd when the whole thing crushed down. I know mc has had her effects in everyone (because even reiji got worried in the CD drama when he though someone was drowning, turns out it was just Shu being weird) but at the end of the day, Rejet made it very clear that ayato always was different from his brothers even as kids.

Too long? Maybe, I just like rambling a lot about ayato lol

// This franchise is longer than a decade, it’s time for people to stop pretending that Ayato isn’t different from the rest, because it annihilates his purpose like that. Now I’m not saying that everyone else sucks and Ayato is the only cool character there, it’s just that Rejet wrote him in a way that genuinely gives off main character energy. Heck, even other characters have confirmed that he got *something* nobody else does, which is true.

Credit to: dialovers-translations, tournesolia

One thing about Ayato is that he might roast and prank you, but the moment you need help, he’ll be the first to lend you a hand. He’s by no means perfect, of course, he has flaws and makes mistakes too, but his good qualities are just so many that they’re easily able to outshine his bad ones.

Another example is the DF prologue scene. The most normal reaction would have been fighting with the wolf, as Subaru did, but instead of trying to get rid of it, Ayato used himself as shield the moment he saw it, so as to protect Yui. What makes this scene so powerful is that not only they weren’t a couple back then, but in the other Sakamaki routes, he’s still severely injured. He values life, yet he still sacrificed himself for her, no matter if she dates someone else afterwards, and guess what? Even after waking up from the coma in the other routes, he holds no grudge against her for that, but rather is on good terms with Yui. I would also like to talk about how self-sacrificing he is in the Daylight CD, but I feel like everyone listened to that one already, given that it was the most liked of the Daylight series.

While I understand that some people out there prefer more rational and/or introverted characters, I can’t stand those who deny the essence of a character. And, for all people who blame Rejet for “making him more special than the rest”, let me remind you that he’s the Diaboy who got the worst journey ending. Let that sink in. :”)

#admin

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 3 months

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i never noticed the hints towards pale Solfef! in light of that, i think it's interesting that Eridan pursued Feferi in the pale quadrant while desperately wanting her to end up in his flushed one, meanwhile Feferi pursues Sollux in the flushed quadrant, despite them seemingly destined to be pale lol guess seadwellers are used to swimming up current lmao

that said, what are your thoughts on Erifef? do you think Eridan actually wants her flushed? or is that another subconscious tactic of his to keep her(someone he deeply cares about) by his side?

personally, i'm of the opinion that though they do care about eachother, they could never work out flushed. i think Eridan -though very enthusiastic about her and thinks they share the same troubles that comes with being so high on the hemospectrum, as well as isolated via physical location and the requirements to meet seadweller expectations- doesn't actually want redrom with her, but he knows pale isn't 'good enough' plus prefers to go to Karkat for all the traditional pale stuff. dude doesn't realize they can just be friends and she won't abandon him(cue Feferi abandoning him the monent she leaves quadrants with him, further exacerbating that fear lol)

meanwhile, on Feferi's end, it's too much to go into here but i think she has struggles with being present with others. so though i think she also deeply cares about Eridan and was absolutely miffed he was going to Karkat for things that she(being his moirail at the time) should have been talked to about, i think she has a lot of character development to go through before she can really pursue quadrants as something she needs and wants and not something she thinks she should do. i think flipping pale with Sollux could have been that catalyst but alas :' ] it seems Hussie changed his mind

So, personally, I do actually think Eridan's flushed feelings for Feferi are real... kind of. The fact that he has 0 self-awareness really makes talking about his feelings difficult because everything needs to be qualified with "this would change if he were capable of taking a step back."

The "kind of" here is because I don't think it's necessarily Feferi, the PERSON, that Eridan's in love with, but rather, the Feferi that exists in his head. To Eridan, Feferi is a bubbly, adorable, cheerful girl who's nice to everybody and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. He literally says that he thinks she might be too nice to have a pitch relationship with somebody, which is definitely not true, as Feferi can be plenty mean, and there's plenty to find flawed about her.

The first reason for this mistaken belief is that that's definitely the way that Feferi believes herself to be, so it's how she presents herself, and Eridan believes people when they tell him stuff. The second is because, in Eridan's shitty, friendless life, Feferi has been his one constant - the person who's always been there for him, the only person who's consistently nice to him (until he meets Karkat, and even then, Karkat is master of the mixed signals, and Eridan implies that death threats and insults are regular banter between them), and oftentimes the one person who cheers him up when he's at his lowest.

I think a lot of people in the fandom are too hard on Feferi - she's genuinely well-meaning, and most of her bad points come from ignorance and privilege, not manipulativeness or spite. She doesn't consciously realize it when she's treating Eridan poorly, and she makes real efforts to be a good moirail to him, even though he doesn't usually reciprocate those efforts. I think she suffers from the Umbridge Effect, where Eridan's problems - being on such the extreme end of trauma and anxiety - almost feel alien and unreal, while everyone knows a Feferi, so Feferi draws in some undue vitriol.

She has a few outbursts at him when he's egregiously rude for no reason, but given she's been dealing with his severe mental illness for so long, and takes his threats and casteism at least semi-seriously, I don't blame her for being exhausted and snapping from time to time. She's genuinely just not equipped to help him with his problems - lest we forget, she's also 13. Otherwise, everything else she does to harm him is something she just genuinely doesn't consciously realize is a problem, because she's got a hard time seeing past her privilege.

For example, using Eridan for feeding Gl'bgolyb without gratitude - the thing is, societally, it's his job, and HAS always been a violet's job. Not only that, but given his... everything, if she asked him if he's okay with doing it, he'd definitely insist that he is, and in fact, that it's HIS duty and HIS privilege. He also started INCREDIBLY young, so it's genuinely just been like this for their entire lives. It's a bit shitheaded for Feferi to not realize how much she benefitted from this arrangement, but, again, it's a crime of ignorance, not malice.

In a similar vein, I think she stayed in her moirallegiance for as long as she did partially because she got an ego boost out of it. She commiscerates with Kanaya over how burdensome he is, and she gets to say things like "we are not better than anybody," which she absolutely doesn't actually feel, given how she won't shut up about being a royal when talking to Jade. She's elated to break up with him, her narration celebrating with a big "you're FREE!!!" and it's not a coincidence that said break-up happens after Eridan's no longer useful to her - she outright states that he can't threaten their species anymore now that they're in the game and everyone else is dead.

BUT, I think she ALSO means it when she says that she stayed in that moirallegiance because she was genuinely worried for him. Both this statement and the above paragraph can be simultaneously true. There's nothing about Eridan that's actually that offensive to Feferi, and I really do think she means it when she says she wants to stay friends. His constant emotional crises have just left her burnt out in terms of sympathy, and she never really knew how to handle him in the first place, but in their first conversation together, she's still genuinely making an effort to get him to open up about his feelings and to cheer him up about his failed kismesistude.

After the breakup and his failed confession, the thing is, he does accept that rejection! ... Kind of. (Again with the kind ofs.)

He outright tells her he accepts that she doesn't like him like that... BUUUT, is trying to get her to go ashen with him and Sollux, instead. THIS is the "trying to keep her with him" angle you're talking about, IMO; I think his flushed feelings are genuine, even if they're aimed at this idealized version of Feferi moreso than the real deal. Without Feferi in the picture, I think Eridan and Sollux would have a completely lukewarm mutual dislike. The sheer lukewarmness is probably why Erisolsprite is so stable - they're completely mid for each other.

The realness of his flushed feelings for Feferi is, incidentally, part of why I think him and Roxy would work so well together - if this idealized version of Feferi (bubbly, adorabloodthirsty, pink, cute, cheerful, and kind) is his Type... well.

I also think he and Feferi would work pretty well as just normal friends; they might have fallen into that dynamic on their own if they'd met later on in life. In a hypothetical golden ending, I think they do fall into it once EriKar happens, since moirallegiances are stated to have a stabilizing effect on a troll's other relationships.

#homestuck #eridan ampora #feferi peixes #erifef

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napolonio · 11 months

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Do you accept asks? It's okay you can just delete this if you don't. So I've been detaching from ego and at times I feel at peace, then the ego is triggered and I'm back to being anxious. I think I'm expecting this "special" experience to happen like this euphoric feeling, cause I know that I'm not the ego, or whatever it thinks or feels, but I guess I'm expecting the thoughts and feelings to stop completely. And they're still here. Which makes me feel like I'm not detaching correctly lol. Do you mind sharing how you were able to let go of your ego for good? Thanks!

See, I think that many of us will continue to make use of a body, concepts and live in a world of perception, so really, ego will still be there in some shape or form. What you really need to realize is that you are not it.

To understand ego is to understand time. Through life when we operate as a body, we learn concepts, we learn rules, we learn structures, and that's how ego gets shaped. It is used to navigate life. You know that if a car is driving at high speed, you should not cross the street, that's ego. You have learned social qeues so that you can interact with others, that's ego. "If ___ happens I should do ___". It's a literal program. Now, all ego knows is illusory, because it's the past, it no longer exists. You see life through the past, you aren't really in the now, so really what does ego know? How can ego be helpful in the now if it only operates based on something that does not exist?

Say you were betrayed by a friend. What does the ego do? It feels like its sense of identity has been menaced, so it has to defend itself. It internalizes this experience, it keeps the memory and uses it as its favorite accesory. Friends are fake, you're unlucky and everyone betrays you, you need to keep your defenses up. Not only are you giving yourself this identity, but also your friend, perpetuating the whole story thinking that keeping such memory alive in the now, will bring you a different future and keep you safe in the present.

You wouldn't dare forgive your friend. They deserve your cold stare and hatred. What if you thought about forgiving them? Forgiveness not in the conventional way, but in a new meaning. Forgiveness being an act of correction. What forgiveness really is, is the realization that the betrayal was illusory, it was never real, your friend is innocent. Your ego would feel so frightened by the sole idea, it will feel so vulnerable and unprotected. But you can't really stop identification with your own identity, while also keeping alive the menacing stories you have of seeming others. They're not separate from you and how you see them, directly affects you.

As long as you keep alive your labels of this world, its people, the body, you will still continue to need that ego that created this world. It will keep you bound.

The reason why I think mentioning other people is important, is because seeming others is one of the reasons ego exists. Ego sees others as an enemy. You can let them close, but not too much. As long as you keep stories of others, it will have an effect on you. You can't get rid of your own stories and keep others' alive. Because imagine again your betrayer friend, say you think you successfully "let go of your ego" and the friend comes into frame again, you still hold their story, what will happen? What you mentioned in your ask, ego gets triggered, and what does it bring back?? Correct, your identity of being an unlucky person who has fake friends.

This applies for everything you have learned about this world, society, science, objects, history, all of it. None of it is the now. Continuing to see life through those lenses, is to keep the past alive.

So, to conclude ego=past learnings. If you realize all is now, ego becomes useless. If you trust and surrender to your true nature, you can learn to live as God/imagination/consciousness, and cease the contract with the ego.

It's not linear. Personally I'm not a huge fan of trying to rush things, I enjoy patience. Which brings me to my favorite ACIM quote "infinite patience, brings immediate results".

Also, something fun that not everyone on here might be a fan of, challenge yourself to do things you don't usually do because it's soo "out of character". Say you ask for dark coffee every day, now choose the craziest drink in the menu you can think of. Say your bed sheets are always dark colored, buy a bright colored one. Do/say something that makes you cringe. Dress in a way you would never 😈. It's very funny, I do it every day lmao. Challenge your perception of self. If you feel like you can't, start by imagining it. Imagine yourself doing out of character stuff. You'll see you'll naturally stop being the character.

Disclaimer: as I mentioned at the beginning, most likely you will continue to make use of a body, therefore don't put it in situations of danger. It still has to eat (because I've seen some people asking about eating in imagination 🥴), it can't fly, don't cross the street without looking both ways. This work is mental, so don't feel the need to prove something in the "physical", that's very foolish to do, considering that you probably are still attached to the body and your concepts of it and of this world. Meaning it can be endangered if you try to defy those concepts.

#ask #ego #nonduality #nondualism #a course in miracles

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martian-astro · 2 months

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Sometimes, I make a placement prediction about a celebrities' d9 chart and then I look it up, and they do have that placement and the fact that I guessed it right makes the astrologer me very happy but then I realise that it was a negative one and they had a terrible life and it makes me feel so guilty 😭😭. The fact that you are born with certain placements and bad stuff related to that WILL happen to you doesn't sound right to me. You're telling me that a person can do their best but they'll still have to face punishment because of something that they did in their past life... Like that's just fucked up.

As a psychology student I hate this whole thing even more, there are so many people out there who are born into terrible families, people who were abandoned by their parents, and it's just weird that a chart with numbers and planets predicted the whole thing.

It's even worse because I've seen astrology being accurate so it's like... What am I supposed to believe, and then we have these psychological phenomenons like the barnum effect which states that, people have a tendency to accept personality descriptions as if they apply to them even though they are very generic and can apply to everyone and now I'm just confused 😖😖

Sometimes I'll see astrology observations and I'm like "EVERYONE DOES THAT" but sometimes I'll see these very specific observations and they ARE true. So.... I'm just not sure.

And also as an astrologer, I would love to be proven wrong, in fact, I WANT to be proven wrong, the more I study astrology and psychology, the more I'm disgusted by the fact that there are people out there who are diagnosing mental health disorders using astrology.

Whenever I make an observations post, remember this one thing, it's an OBSERVATION, I haven't seen the whole world, only a very tiny part of it. I can be wrong, and it is completely possible that I post an observation tomorrow and it turns out to not be 100% true. No matter how good your placements are, you always need to be careful of who you date/marry. Marilyn monroe has Venus in 5th in her d9, just look at her husbands.... (This does not mean that you'll have a bad married life, I was just giving an example)

#astrology

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missaccuracy · 5 months

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Note: if your choice is the "other" option, please, explain in the comments what it is.

Well, here we are, "Firebending teacher" has won. I have to say, I'd go with that option too. Specifically, I'd like to combine Firebending teacher with General and let me explain why.

"An artist" Azula can be interesting, but what bothers me about this concept and its popularity, is that for the most part, it relies on the notion that Azula didn't enjoy being a great firebender and military tactician in the show, and she did it just for Ozai's approval, therefore it's toxic and Azula should get rid of her father's influence.

I just don't think it's true. Azula was under Ozai's influence, but that doesn't mean she didn't like firebending and commanding. It's important to remember that Azula is a LEADER herself, and removing that part of her character wouldn't be satisfying.

I guess people just link Azula's tactical military abilities to an imperialism, which is something she needs to unlearn. So they headcanon her doing something completely unrelated to it.

But while an imperialism is wrong, there's nothing wrong with having a military mind, because it can be used for good.

It just feels like rewriting her character from a "bad" girl, who canonically enjoyed fighting, scheming and planning, to a "good" girl, who's now enjoying "peaceful" things instead.

The same reason applies to a "therapist", even though it's an intriguing idea.

Azula would be an effective politician, but she would have to work with Zuko in this case. Not that I think they can never repair their relationship, but I just want for both Zuko and Azula to live their own lives, apart from each other, even if there's no bad blood anymore.

I personally believe that the best way to do that is to make Azula a teacher and a commander of an elite firebenders. Sort of what we saw in the comics, but doing it right, when she would teach not only fighting, but also command her warriors. Maybe she would even help her students, being kind of a therapist in the process and giving them her own piece of advice. Maybe in her own free time she would learn some arts, as well.

But everyone's free to have their own opinion. What many people have suggested in the "other" option was also very interesting to read. Thank you for voting and leaving a commentary unser this poll.

#atla #azula #redemption #poll

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callmeklair · 4 months

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I read your post about Ayato overhype and I 200% agree with you and appreciate you for writing it. I also read that other person's Ayato analysis and I just gotta say that that cursed fig defense is so dumb. First off that shit wasn't a thing when More Blood came out. It's not mentioned or referenced even once in any route. Because why would it be? It wasn't even thought of when the first games came out. Second even if it were a thing and Ayato truly was cursed, then why doesn't he experience the effects of the curse in any routes apart from his More Blood one (and, according to this particular Ayato stan, Ruki's)? Why doesn't he go crazy from thirst in Kou's route? Or in Subaru's? Or in Shuu's? etc etc. Also, if the curse is truly that excrutiating and debilitating then shouldn't Ayato be a complete and utter mess in the other characters Dark Fate, Lost Eden etc. routes? But he's not. He's totally fine. Because the stupid curse isn't canon to the games and you can not and should not use it to explain or justify his awful behavior in Ruki's MB route.

I'm sorry this got kind of long but I just needed to get this off my chest because it bothers me so much when toxic Ayato stans insist he is oh so pure of heart, an innocent victim and that he unlike the other characters can't be held accountable for his abusive acts 😑

(feel free to vent out in my ask box I don't mind. and sorry for the late reply, life is hectic)

the curse thing is such a loop/plot hole because in more blood EVERY diaboy gets thirsty after starting to have feelings for Yui, so yeah that curse thing isn't canon. and exactly! if that's the case, why isn't ayato suffering from thirst in other's route. okay let's not include MB considering the argument "they weren't close enough" but by the DF, all Sakamaki and Mukami boys warmed up to Yui, so Ayato should be suffering from thirst/curse in other's route????

I liked ayato, but after youngblood when I saw some people(not targeting to anyone, and I'm not just talking about Tumblr), not liking other people shipping Yui with any other boy because "they are not canon" made me slowly detach from AyaYui. otherwise they were in my top 5 a few years ago.

youngblood was just a fanservice. it was good for Ayato fans but Rejet messed it up. first the curse thing then the degrading of Shu and Subaru's character by making them "betray" ayato. which irks me because we all have read flashback scenes of these two from the VERY FIRST GAME, and we are completely aware with how sweet and gentle they were in childhood.

In CL, in Shu's route, it was shown how much he deeply cares about his brothers despite not showing it. so does it go for Subaru in Carla's route. you hear it? not in his OWN route but Carla's route.

the only difference is, because of trauma they weren't sure how to express it and always doubted/hesitated to trust or show true feelings to each other because of what happened to them. they all went through different experiences.

Ayato is Ruki's rival, just like how Subaru is for Kou, and Shu for Yuma. Ayato just came to take away Yui as a prey. "his thirst wasn't controllable and was locked in a dungeon. it was definitely the curse."

the curse didn't even exist at that time. it was just Rejet's plot to progress Ruki's route because if we remember, Ruki asked Ayato, before he took away Yui, if he had feelings for her and ayato replied with, feelings??? that's nonsense, the only value she has is her blood. It was a scene of confirmation to make Ruki realise his feelings and stop thinking "Adam is what she needs and not a snake" so that he can finally betray Karlheinz for Yui and run away with her, free her from this hell.

in conclusion, we have seen every diaboy saying how unique and special Yui's blood is, also a very rare thing (i guess?) so because of instincts as a vampire, Ayato only wanted to find Yui to drink her special blood.

the curse thing can never be canon because everyone gets thirsty in their route, EVEN SHIN in his BRUTE ending in DF. so are they cursed too??? no they aren't 😭

some actions can never be justifiable, I'll even say that about my own fav characters like Shin, Subaru, Carla, Reiji, etc.

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #yui komori #komori yui #diabolik lovers fandom #ayato sakamaki

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sanaxo-o · 2 months

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Magnetic (Eric Sohn)

Too @sohnric : Happiest Birthday my Eric Stan 🥺. Omg you’re older now damn…okay to start off I hope you enjoy your day to the fullest and keep on being unhinged like always 🥺. Thank you for always being there for me and saving my ass from Izzy 🧍‍♀️. I love you loads and I hope you always know that. This is just something small I prepared for you since well…it’s your birthday. I hope you enjoy this even tho it’s not that good 🥺😭. Love you <3 and yes this is the reason why I did not ask you too beta read the Eric fic 🧍‍♀️💔. P.S don’t worry I did not stay up the whole night. I set an alarm clock to wake up sat 3:30 😚. I hope I wake up 🧍‍♀️. If it comes late then you know why that is! Well last but not least, enjoy your day to the fullest :) let’s keep on talking about Weak Hero Class 1 and what not in the future too <3

Warnings/Genre: friends too lovers, cursing, making out, mentions of food, Eric is kind of flirty (I tried), sunshine x moon trope, reader is very oblivious, reader is a psychology major (idk if psychology majors have jury or no but I searched on google and google said arts students have jury so I think I am right but ik it’s wrong!), drinking but not really since they don’t drink in the scene (reader is just getting the after effects of drinking), reader likes to crochet! A small joke made out of the Shakespeare drama Julius Caesar 😭. I guess that’s it…lmk if I miss anything!

Word count: 6,077

Sana: Hihi, I am back with an Eric fic (I have more Eric fics than I have for my own bias wow). This is just a small something I wrote for bar so I hope you guys also like this. A special and huge thanks to @quaissants @strayed-quokka and @o-onikix for beta reading this and helping me in the process. And also a huge thanks to @sungbeam for making the banner for me 🥺🫶🏻. Love you. I was too scared to ask ally to beta because it was not my best work 💔. I was gonna add the other banner for this but then my friends moms said that it looks like he has a pacifier in his mouth so I was like nvm 😭.

Taglist: @cloverdaisies @sohnric @mosviqu @deoboyznet

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All this was new to you. These feelings, these butterflies wandering in your stomach, the feeling of love, those red cheeks, the feeling of falling in love and at last, him. He was new to you.

All these feelings you had were so new for you. Deep down you always knew and expected to love a man similar to you, and yet he was the complete opposite of what you could’ve imagined.

That is why it was a complete shock for you when you understood your true feelings for Eric Sohn, who was the complete opposite of what you expected your partner to be.

He was like the sun, always bright and drawing everyone's attention, annoying the hell out of them. And you were like the moon, lover of quiet places because they’d let you wander around your own world.

He was the polar opposite of you. You liked having your own space while he…well he loved getting into other’s space and annoying the hell out of them. That’s how you liked to describe him most of the time.

If anyone ever asked you what you thought about Eric,the first thing to come to your mind was ‘He’s a good guy but he’s noisy.’ Which is true! No matter the time or place,Eric would always have at least some energy to spare for you.

Sometimes you admire him for having that much energy in him. Like how can someone go a whole day screaming here and there without feeling tired or having a sore throat??

Blinking your eyes,you look down at the crochet you were working on, only to sigh in disappointment when you realise that you had messed up the pattern, again.

Still continuing with your work,you pay no mind to the people around you who were talking and screaming loudly with their fellow peers. You were fixated on finishing on whatever this was going to turn out to be.

“What’s that?” You hear a voice ask from beside you which makes you halt your hands and look up, only to give out a small grin when you realise that it was none other than Eric Sohn.

“Ah well…it was supposed to be a cute frog but I don’t know what it is anymore.” You mumble quietly as you go back to crocheting the now demonic frog (that was your personal assumption).

“I think it’s cute though.” He says softly as he looks into your eyes when you look up at him again.

You divert your gaze everywhere around the room, just to ignore his. Everything was now interesting, even the guy who was hogging the food. Your cheeks continue growing bright in colour as you try your best to avoid his intense gaze.

“You do not have a good taste then.” You say with sass as you elbow his stomach when he snorts at your reply.

“Really? But I am friends with you. Does that still mean I have bad taste?” He says cheekily and places his head on his hands which were placed on the table. Looking up at you he brings his hands up and pokes your cheek softly.

“That’s not what I meant! You know that!” You yell at him but soon a small smile comes up on your lips when you feel his fingers poking your cheek continuously.

“Your words, not mine but, let’s leave it like that. I came here to ask you something else..” Eric says that as he sits up properly while fixing his now messy hair.

You stop your hands from crocheting as you push Eric's hands away from his hair when you realise that he is just making them more messy than they already were.

“Your eyes are pretty..” Eric whispers softly. You momentarily stop fixing his hair, as you stare into his eyes for a moment, only to cough to hide your embarrassment.

“Stop that..” you say shyly as you fix his last strand of hair and move away from him to keep some gap between you two which you had closed without neither of you guys realising.

“Stop what? And you coughed on my face, thank you very much.” He says sarcastically as he grabs your handkerchief to wipe his face jokingly.

“Whatever,” you mumble as you snatch your handkerchief from his hand and go back to crocheting. “What did you want to talk about anyways?” You mumble as you again fix your gaze on the frog (which had these huge ass eyes and looked more like a demonic creature hence, the name.) you were crocheting again.

“I was wondering, since we’re free after our jury today and the sem is over now.. We would mostly be free, right?” He asks cautiously as he takes away your frog and places it on the table to have your full attention on him.

“Where are you going with this?” You ask in complete confusion when Eric takes ahold of your hand in his and places them on his lap making you face him.

“Promise that you won’t back out once I tell you about the plan.” He says while putting his pinky finger in front of you, urging you to lock yours with his as a way to keep the promise tact.

You stare at him and then at his finger for a moment before letting out a small sigh at his childish behaviour. “Fine, promise. Now tell me..” you say with a small grin when he breaks the fingers apart but still having a hold of your other hand in his large ones.

“We have a sealed deal, okay? This gesture means that I can break your finger if you don’t stay true to your word and break our promise!” He says while pointing his finger at you. You only smile at him and nod your head when he boops your nose with his finger.

“Everyone was planning to go to the amusement park tomorrow in the evening…I was wondering if you wanted to join us? Wait- no I want you to join us.” You stare at Eric when he says that.

You didn’t hate going out per se, but you would rather just stay at home on the last day of the sem,catch up on your lost sleep and the dramas—be a couch potato in general.

You had a lot more time to have fun with your peers and friends the day after. You just needed some alone time away from everything and just focus on yourself.

Before you could even back down you remembered how you had promised Eric to not back out of whatever he was about to ask.

“For how long?” You ask him as you stand up and grab your stuff to exit the cafeteria with Eric by your side.

“Just for a few hours. We were planning on going to the new restaurant which had opened up but if you get too exhausted we can just go over to your place and order some food. I know how you get when you’re exhausted..” he says with a smile as he grabs most of your stuff and carries them for you instead of you having to ask him to do so.

You smile at his gesture knowing how he would always step in first to help you out even when they’re just small things.

You liked how he was always so observant and not full of himself unlike some people you knew in the past.

It’s the little things he does which makes your heart beat grow faster. It makes you feel like you just came back from running somewhere or as if you dashed through the hallways to reach your class on time.

It’s as if your heart starts pounding whenever he is closer. You sometimes wonder if you can hide your feelings well or not. Because even from afar, he looks so…surreal. The only thing that comes to mind when your eyes meet his is ‘oh my gosh, his eyes are so pretty’. You do wish to drown in those deep eyes, sometimes.

If staring at him for the whole day was a paid job you’d probably be a billionaire by now because of how much you stare at him.

“Maybe we can go to the nearby club when I am more free? Just the two of us are fine.” You tell him as you grab your books from his hands and enter your class, not waiting back to hear his reply knowing he was just going to agree with what you just said.

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Standing beside Eric you look around in awe amazed by the different kinds of rides in the park.

You notice Eric walking away for a moment saying he wanted to buy something urgently so you paid him no mind and just gave a small nod at him acknowledging his words.

you were so immersed by everything that you failed to notice his return. He came back, holding two cotton candies in his hands.

“Here.” You hear his voice beside you.

Looking at him your eyes gleam with happiness when you take notice of the pink coloured sugary sweet in his hand which he was offering to you.

“Thanks!” You say happiness evident in your voice and your features as you take a few bites out of the cotton candy.

“Woah, can we ride that?!” You shout in excitement as you grab Eric’s hand and pull him towards the queue to buy the tickets for the ride.

You look back at Eric when you see him just standing behind you with a straight face, no expression adorning his facial features as he smiles at you nervously when he notices your excited gaze looking back at him.

“What’s wrong?” You ask once you notice his nervousness.

“Are you sure…you want to ride that?” He asks while scratching the back of his neck while trying to look anywhere but you.

He could feel his cheeks heating up in embarrassment knowing he’s just ratting himself out by trying to avoid getting on the ride.

“Yes! I have always wanted to try this out with someone!” You say with excitement as you wave his hands around trying to convince him to get on the ride with you.

“Since you’re insisting and begging so much…I might as well get on the ride with you. Don’t worry, you can hold onto my hand if you get scared!” He says with fake enthusiasm (and probably even gaslighting himself into believing that he would be fine on the ride) as he grabs your hand and drags you towards the ticket counter. “Ticket for two please.” He requests the cashier.

“We don’t have to ride it if you’re scared or something..” you reassure him when he starts walking towards the first seat of the ride.

“No, I want to. I told you I am there to protect you, didn’t I?” He bluffs as he lets you settle down in the ride before getting in right after you.

After helping you fasten your seat belt,he looks around the area in wonder when he feels the ride moving slowly.

He could feel his palms getting sweaty with fear and nervousness when the ride started moving, but he tried his best to stay calm and collected.

Closing his eyes he pays attention to the sounds going on and off through his ears as he tries to drown them out when he feels your warm hands embracing his sweaty, colder ones.

Peeking through his right eye he could see you looking ahead with excitement when the ride came at the most exciting part.

“Can…can you hold my hand?” You hear his small voice squeak through his throat as he holds out his hand for you to hold it.

“And you said you were the one to protect me.” You tease as you immediately grab his hand in a tight grip to help him calm down.

“Woah okay…” you turn your head and look at Eric’s flushed face as you rub your thumb against the back of his hand in a way to give him some comfort. “Why is this going so sl-” before he could complete his sentence a loud scream escapes his lips as he pulls you closer to him with great force.

Letting out a scream you look ahead of you as you feel your heart thump in fear that’s what you hoped so when Eric clutched your hand tightly while pulling you closer.

You could feel his breath fanning your face making you shiver. Closing your eyes you look away from his face as you look around the view when the ride starts to slow down.

Loosening your hand which was gripping onto Eric’s, you slowly let go of it as you immediately undo your seatbelt and get out of the ride when the ride comes to a complete stop.

“Oh..let’s go to a restaurant or somewhere..” you mumble tiredly as you start walking away from him. Too embarrassed and shy to look at Eric’s face.

“Aren’t you tired though?” Eric mumbles once he catches up to you. Gripping onto your hand he takes hold of your purse so that you can walk more freely.

“You don’t have to do that..” you say softly as you try to take your purse back from him only for him to gently push your hand away in reassurance.

“It’s fine. I can handle that.” He says as he pulls you closer by your waist and leads the way to his car. “Oh…is this the frog you were crocheting?” He mumbles once his eyes catch the small crocheted item made by you.

Keeping it in the backseat, he helps you put your seatbelt on. “Let’s head back over to my house. You already look exhausted with all the activities you did.”

You look over at him when he says that. He really does pay attention to the small details related to you. “I thought you wanted to go out and have some dinner with the guys?” You say softly while eyeing his side profile.

His lips which always looked so kissable, you admit to yourself that there were times when you had thought about kissing Eric but he does not have to know that, now does he?

“Hmm no it’s fine. I would rather spend the night with you than listen to them talking about some stupid things.” He says with a chuckle as he gives your hand a light squeeze in reassurance. “Oh by the way, can I have the frog you crocheted?” Eric asks once he had stopped laughing.

Looking at you for a split second, his eyes travel down to your lips for a split second only for them to divert back to your eyes.

“Why would you want that?” You question back, your brows furrowing in confusion as you grab your purse from the backseat and stare at the crocheted frog which was handing on the chain.

You didn’t exactly like it because it was not your best piece, you were still learning and you just crocheted for fun and to help you with stress.

You made the frog crochet into a keychain because you did not want to throw it away despite it not being the best thing you made.

“I like it, it’s cute!” He says with a smile on his face. His cheekbones rising up making his cheeks look puffy (in a cute way of course).

“It’s so not cute, Eric..” you say with a sigh as you shake your head at his silliness when he whines at your answer.

“Why can’t I just have it? I like everything you crochet..” he replies back once the car comes to a halt at the red light. “Come on, let me have it. I will treasure it the same way I treasure you..” he says softly as he places his hand on your thigh to convince you.

Looking up at him you break eye contact almost instantly when you notice him staring at you intensely, “Look at me..” he whines as he places his hands on your cheeks and makes you stare at him. Squishing your cheeks together he lets out a small laugh while looking at your lips which were in an ‘o’ shape. “Give me the frog please.” He pleads while batting his eyes together in a fast motion to try and convince you (well hopefully).

You could feel your heart beating at a fast pace again. If you could, you would just kiss him but that’d be too reckless of you, no? Snapping out of your thoughts you clear your throat and speak up.

“I can make one for you especially..” you say, your words coming out a bit jumbled because of your cheeks getting squeezed together.

“You can?” Eric asks softly as he slowly pulls away from you and turns ahead when the light turns green.

“Of course, since you so badly want the frog I can just make something else for you. Something better..” you say with a nod as you keep your bag in the backseat again.

“But I would still be happy if you gave me the frog crochet..” he replies in a sing-song voice as he turns on the radio to play some songs.

You sigh when he says that, there’s no winning against Eric when it comes to something he wants. You knew how stubborn the latter was. Youjust couldn't argue with him, especially with those eyes of his, which would always sparkle when talking with you (it might be your delusion speaking, but you always saw his eyes sparkle when talking with you and you only).

You smile in delight when Eric plays Best Years by 5sos. He still remembers your favourite artist. He was also the one who accompanied you to the concerts and saw you going crazy, so it was kind of an unforgettable experience.

You sigh in satisfaction as you look out the window in content while humming and singing along to the lyrics of the song while Eric drives the car.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Entering the house you place your bag on the counter table as you go in the washroom to wash up.

Knowing Eric, he might already be ordering some food so that was least of your worries. The guy knew your favourite food all too well.

Turning on the shower you wait for the water to get hot as you strip off your clothes.

Once it is lukewarm, you enter the shower as thoughts start to occupy your mind.

Did you really like Eric? Or was your heart just not functioning properly? And….and those butterflies wandering in your stomach when he does or remembers something you like. Oh gosh! You never felt this way for any guy before, that’s for sure.

You and Eric are like the polar opposites, everyone knows that. They still wonder how you and Eric are still together as friends knowing how the other guy is.

You were someone who always preferred your own space, you liked being in your own shell and just being lost in your thoughts.

Eric was the opposite! He was always outgoing, just like everyone calls him the social butterfly and boy was he true to that name given to him.

He could instantly make anyone comfortable with him be it a small kid, an adult or someone older than him. He had that kind of charm in him.

Getting the bottle of shampoo which Eric had you start washing your hair with it as you think back to the time when Eric had approached you.

Flashback

Sitting at the back of your stats class, you try your best to pay attention to what the professor was saying but it was not that easy.

The headache you were having since the morning was getting worse, now it was truly your fault for going to a club with your friends on a Sunday night knowing you had early classes the very next day.

But what could you do when you just wanted a few drinks to get your mind of all the stress the major you were majoring in was giving you?

To put it simply, it’s not easy being a psychology major. The amount of assignments which are piling on your desk at the dorm and at your house along with all the essays you have yet to turn in.

No matter how many times you stay up all night the work just keeps on increasing, as if you broke the stop button.

So when your friends offered you to tag along with them to the nearby club for a few drinks how could you even turn them down? So of course you went along with them and had a little bit too much.

Massaging your temples with your eyes closed you try your best to think of something else. Anything to distract yourself from the massive headache you were having.

“Here, take some painkillers.” You hear a voice say from beside you. Turning your head around you could feel your voice getting stuck in your throat when you see the man sitting beside you.

Messy blond hair, he had decent casual clothes on. A pair of a hoodie with a cap on top of his head which was now in his hands since he was trying to fix his strands of hair which were getting in his eyes.

“Let me help you.” You say softly as you lean closer towards him and help him fix his hair.

You don't even know where you got this confidence from but it’s as if your hands moved on its own before you could even comprehend what you were about to do.

Leaning closer to his face you fix his hair as your eyes stay focused on his hair. You try your best to not look anywhere else but the oversized hoodie was revealing his collarbones and you were oh so tempted to check him out but you stopped yourself.

“You have pretty eyes.” You hear him say. You did not even know his name and you were already blushing at something a stranger said to you? How could he have such a huge impact on you so quickly was beyond your imagination.

“Oh thanks haha.” You say with a shy voice as you move away from him before you do something you’d regret (example: kiss him).

“Oh here. Take it.” He says once you move away from him. Sliding the pills to you he grabs your bottle of water which was beside him and opens it up for you.

“How did you know I was having a headache? I don’t think we've ever met each other before.” You question him while taking a pill in your hand.

“Oh well we have a few mutual friends but we never talked with each other before. I was at the club yesterday and noticed you.” He explains himself while grabbing a random paper which was lying beside him to doodle on it.

“Ah I see..thanks for the medicine…?” You furrow your brows when you realise that he never introduced himself to you.

“Oh! It’s Eric but you can call me anything you’d like. Maybe…yours?” He says with a flirty and cheeky smile adorning his oh so handsome face. Standing up from the chair he gets ready to leave the classroom only to turn around to look at you again. “See you around..” he waits for you to complete the sentence.

“Y/N,” you say with a small smile. Scrunching up your nose, you close your eyes when he pats your head with his hand.

“See you around, Y/N.” Eric says as he starts walking away.

Flashback end

Turning off the shower you leave the washroom with a bathrobe wrapped around your body.

Opening up the closet of Eric’s you look through his clothes when your eyes catch the black hoodie off his. The same one he was wearing on the day you both met for the first time.

Grabbing the hoodie you slip into the clothes as you start drying your hair with the towel Eric had kept for you.

“Wait, let me help you.” You hear Eric’s voice say as soon as he walks in the room.

You look at him through the mirror as he helps you in drying your hair with the towel.

“You’re wearing that hoodie.” Eric says with a grin as he grabs the comb to untangle your hair.

“It’s comfortable..” you mumble with a small smile on your lips.

—x—

Sitting on the couch, you take a bite out of your pizza slice as you turn on the TV to watch the series.

From the corner of your eyes you notice Eric taking out a packet of ramen making you let out a groan in annoyance at his behaviour, “Why can't you just eat some of the food which is served right here instead of making some noodles which you inhale almost everyday?” You question him once you have swallowed your food.

Eric just shakes his head as he smiles at you sheepishly. You knew winning against him was useless since he won’t listen to you either ways so you just let him be and continue eating your food while sipping from your can of coke (very original 🙄).

Giving him a slice of pizza which was in your hand you rest your body against the armrest of the couch as you place your legs on his lap so that you can be more comfortable and relaxed.

Heaving out a sigh you look at the TV screen when a question pops into your mind. You give Eric a look as you notice how his whole attention was on the TV.

You always wondered why that man was never dating anyone when so many girls out there were quite literally dying for him. Even the slightest bit of attention given by that man to them made them feel accomplished.

Well technically in their eyes you were the one person who has accomplished their dream. Which was too close with Eric and well…you might be the only girl who would get his whole attention whenever you want it.

The man would quite literally drop whatever he was doing just so he could talk with you. That was also the reason why everyone used to call him a simp and a lovesick puppy for running around everywhere just to be with you.

“Why are you not dating anyone?” You ask suddenly while staring at Eric’s side profile. You widen your eyes when Eric starts coughing while holding his chest.

Immediately sitting straight you grab the glass of water which Eric had brought along with him. Standing up you walk beside him in hurry as you help him drink the water while rubbing his back soothingly hoping it’d help him calm down.

“Feeling better?” You asked nervously once Eric had stopped coughing. Once he gives a slight nod to your question you sign in relief as you go and take a seat beside him.

Taking a seat you grab ahold of Eric’s hand while massaging them gently.

“Why did you ask that question so suddenly?” Eric mumbles as he takes a big gulp of water while trying to control his breathing.

You just simply shrug at his question as you look away from him, anywhere but him. You did not have it in you to look him in the eye after asking such an absurd question.

“I was..I don’t know. Curious maybe?” You say in a hushed tone as you slowly bring your gaze back at him. If someone saw you right now, they’d think you dreamt about something scary because of the way your eyes were shaking. “I mean don’t get me wrong! It’s just that…everyone wants you as their boyfriend but you never pay attention to them. Why’s that?” You question him slowly.

“Do you want me to be your boyfriend?” Eric asks softly as he fully turns his body towards you to face you.

You could feel yourself choke at his choice of words as you immediately let out a nervous laugh when he says that.

“What are you talking about? I am serious Eric…” you say with a shy chuckle as you slap his shoulder gently. Trying to play it off coolly.

“Well then what about you then? A lot of guys I know like you, they even asked you out but you always turned them down. Why’s that?” He asks the question with his brows raised, waiting for you to answer his question.

You look down at the ground in wonder. Why did you turn them down? It’s not like you were waiting for someone else or were you? You immediately shake your head when you realise how Eric was avoiding your questions.

“Don’t change the subject!” You say with a glare as you flick his forehead gently.

You smile softly when he acts as if the flick hurted him knowing damn well that he was just acting to tease you.

“Do you just not see it?” Eric says while rubbing the back off his neck shyly.

You stare at him in confusion when he says that.Notice what? The way he pouts whenever he’s eating something he likes? Or the amount of tattoos he has on his body? Or maybe the fact that he's always having the same heart eyes when talking with you? Well of course you would ignore the last bit! But he doesn’t have to know that, now does he?

You just shake your head at his question, waiting for him to make himself clear so that you can assure yourself that whatever your hunch was telling you was in fact correct! “I like you silly..” Eric finally says with a small airy chuckle leaving his lips.

He moves closer towards you so that he can pull you closer, “I have never paid this much attention to someone before but you. It’s like…I am magnetised whenever I am with you. I cannot feel myself wanting to leave your side whenever we both are together. I always try to play it cool when it comes to you but I just seem to fail at that. Everyone knows that but you..everything about you sticks to my heart. It’s like…it’s something I cannot express in words.” He says softly while pulling you closer.

All you could ever think about at that moment was, ‘Oh my god?’ You couldn’t get yourself to believe it when Eric brought himself closer towards you, you immediately snapped out of your thoughts.

“Is it fine…if I?” You give him a small nod when he asks that.

And there it is, the spark you always felt whenever he did something oh so small but it always somehow made you feel special.

The way he gently grabbed a hold of your chin slowly moving to the back of your neck while his other hand gripped onto your waist, squeezing it lightly he pulled you closer while moving his lips in sync with yours.

You could feel yourself shiver at his feather light touches, especially when his hands started to travel up towards your spine. The lingering sensation stayed there even when his hand was already engulfing in your hair.

You immediately entangle your hands in his hair while kissing him to deepen the kiss.

—x—

You wrap your arms around Eric as you pull him closer towards you. You never thought you’d ever be cuddling with Eric like this.

I mean you never thought of Eric as someone who’d enjoy being the one being cuddled but looking at the man right now you could tell that he was enjoying this more than anyone.

You slowly snuggle closer to Eric as you listen to his calm breathing. You never thought that this day would come but here you are, laying on the same bed with Eric Sohn, cuddling together.

To say the least, you were content with what you had at the moment. This is all you could ask for.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Entering the auditorium you sigh in embarrassment when you see Eric, Sunwoo and Haknyeon playing around with the props which were lying on the stage.

It’s been a few months since you both made your relationship official. Everyone around you was obviously more than delighted to hear it, I mean the lovesick boy's love was finally accepted by you.

And ever since you guys made the relationship official, of course you guys were named for being the cutest couple and for making the singles in the group more single than ever because of how you and Eric flirt all the time when together.

You walk towards them with your hands behind your back as you let out a chuckle when Eric falls on the ground dramatically.

“Et tu, Brute? Wait no…Et tu, Sunwoo?” Eric says with hurt as he looks up at Sunwoo who was holding the sword in his hand with a crazy smile on his face.

You widen your eyes when Haknyeon pours some water on the floor as a way to depict the blood shed by Sunwoo.

You notice how Chanhee, who was sitting on the edge of the stage, starts hiding his face because of his friends behaviour.

You just go and take a seat beside him while you wait for Eric to take a notice of your presence.

You were about to open your mouth to speak with Chanhee when a loud voice beams through the whole auditorium making you laugh, “Y/N!” You immediately stand up from your seat and open your arms, waiting for Eric to hug you like always.

“When did you get here, sweetheart?” Eric mumbles, his face being placed on the crook of your neck as he melts in your warm embrace.

“Just now while you were imitating about being stabbed. I was about to talk with Chanhee when a certain someone came running here.” You say with a teasing smile.

You laugh when Eric glares at Chanhee playfully before holding you closer, “Mine!” Eric says to Chanhee before sticking his tongue out at him.

Chanhee just sighs and nods at the younger’s behaviour as he stands up from the seat to walk away from you both.

“Where are you going?” Eric questions in confusion when Chanhee starts walking away towards Sunwoo and Haknyeon who were, well…throwing water at each other.

“Not interested in looking at you both being all lovey dovey in front of me!” Chanhee shouts back as he gets on the stage which was a great mistake because he apparently became the boy's next target.

“You’re just jealous because you don’t have a girlfriend like Y/N!” Eric teases and laughs loudly when Chanhee throws a middle finger at him while trying to save himself from the two boys.

Diverting his attention back to you he offers you a smile as he takes your hand in his while walking towards the exit door only to stop when you start looking through your bag.

“Here..” you take out a small crocheted keychain which was of a flower. It was abit tiny in size but it’s something Eric would cherish so you were more than happy to make something so special for him.

“For me?” He asks in astonishment while gently taking it from your hand. Scared it might fall apart if he grabs it aggressively.

“Sweetheart, it’s beautiful.” He mumbles while immediately attaching the keychain on his bag.

“You like it?” You ask with happiness. You were glad he liked the item you crocheted. When he gives you a nod you immediately hug him tightly. “I am glad you do! I was gonna crochet something else but then it turned out to be Sunwoo in evil form so I discarded it.” You say with a smile as you pull away from him.

Eric laughs at your choice of words while holding your hand tightly in his grip.

“Want to get some ice cream?” He asked once you were out of the auditorium.

Seeing you nod enthusiastically, he immediately starts dragging you towards his car.

Well as they say, opposites do attract and you were glad you found Eric. He was kind of like your other half, you never thought or even dreamt about this moment but here you were, going on an ice cream date with your boyfriend.

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