#and i have a list

[justlightlysedated]

you have set your heart on haunting me forever from the start (it's never silent)

Read on AO3 [HERE]

Edwin remembers not giving much thought to what he was going to do once he escaped hell. The only thought in his head at the moment had just been get out, get out, get out.

And then, after that, Charles happened.

Of all of the things that Edwin had been expecting, Charles was not one of them. And by the time that Charles had taken his last breath, Edwin hadn't known how he was going to spend the rest of his unlife without his presence. 

Charles deciding to stay behind never even crossed his mind.

Now thirty years later, he thinks back and realizes that he'd undoubtedly started falling for Charles right then in that moment.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Charles' voice startles him out of his recollection, and he blinks twice quickly before finding Charles sitting on top of the desk, perched on the corner where he always sits, tossing a baseball up and down, as his eyes dart all over Edwin's face as though he'll figure out the answer if he looks enough.

He is both entirely too close and not close enough. It's a thought that's plagued Edwin's mind as of late. 

It's almost as though Charles is testing his boundaries, seeing how much Edwin would let him get away with, now that they both knew that Edwin was in love with him.

There isn't a problem with that per se, but what Charles doesn't seem to be aware of is that Edwin would let him get away with a lot.

Charles had become proprietary of his personal space, pretty much from the very beginning. And Edwin hadn't even thought to set up that boundary.

Edwin has never been someone who craved the touch of someone else. Ever since he was a child, he'd learn that touch wasn't something that he was allowed, neither to give nor to receive.

But with Charles it had always been different. Even when Edwin initially flinched away from any and every touch, Charles just became more careful. And much sooner than Edwin would have expected, he didn't have to be. 

It had taken barely a year into their partnership for Edwin to become used to having Charles treating Edwin's personal space as though it were his own. 

Standing too close to look over Edwin's shoulder at whatever he's holding at the time, wrapping his fingers around Edwin's wrist and tugging him away from his books and to whatever crazy scheme he'd cooked up, tapping Morse code along the inside of Edwin's forearm during cases where they had to be absolutely quiet, draping an arm around Edwin's shoulders while they walked, crashing into him whenever he could convince Edwin to dance with him, dropping to sit down next Edwin on the couch and leaning his head on Edwin's shoulder, during particularly quiet nights, when he was in a particularly quiet mood-

Edwin's train of thought is once again derailed by Charles, who kicks him lightly on the thigh.

He blinks a few times, and realizes that he's been staring at Charles this whole time Charles, who didn't look away, and is staring at Edwin with a soft expression, lips quirked in one corner, eyes bright in the dim lighting. It's the same type of look that he gets whenever Edwin rants about whatever current project he'd been researching.

He blinks a few times, trying to recall what Charles had said. 

What are you thinking so hard about?

"You," he says, or more like blurts out, since it had been a while without an answer.

Charles gives him a slightly confused look before he realizes that Edwin was answering his question. The smile on his face grows wider, eyes positively sparkling as he leans down a little, "Oh yeah?" 

"Quite," Edwin replies, because he's never actually learned how to successfully lie to Charles about anything.

Charles' smile gets wider, and he slides a bit closer, until he's pressing his leg against Edwin's knee and keeping it there.

Edwin inhales sharply, eyes falling to the space where they're  touching. 

Touching anyone still alive felt like nothing, and it took a considerable amount of conscious thought to achieve. 

Touching other ghosts however felt almost like murky static, a buzzing sensation that felt stronger when the touch was intentional.

Edwin resists the urge to pull away from the touch, but also the urge to push into it.

He looks back up at Charles, who is staring at him with a look on his face that Edwin isn't familiar with, but it's been happening more and more as of late.

His eyes dart all over Edwin's face, before he's moving again, this time to lean back against the desk right in the space left behind when Edwin had pushed the chair back when thinking about Charles had taken priority over his reading.

Their legs are just barely brushing. And when Charles leans down a little, Edwin gasps quietly, eyes widening a little.

Charles just gives him a soft look, "What about me, exactly?"

Edwin opens his mouth to reply, he's not entirely sure what he was going to say when the door to the office opens, and in comes Crystal, already talking.

"I have a case for us, and before you say no it doesn't involve any witches or demons, and they'll pay us in actual cash plus a book all about deadly poisonous plants which has been passed down in our client's family line for generations."

She looks up then, furrowing her brows as she spots them.

"Sorry," she says, slowly, not actually looking sorry at all. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Absolutely not," Edwin says quickly, getting up at the same time that Charles straightens up, so that they're practically pressed close together. Too close, for too long seconds, where Edwin feels like he might actually be lightheaded even though he doesn't need to breathe, and Charles just stares at him with that same unfamiliar expression.

Crystal clears her throat, loudly. "Clearly," she says, and Edwin can hear the amusement in her voice.

Charles moves then, turning to face Crystal and smiling as he makes his way over to her.

He presses his fingers to Edwin's wrist as he goes, a touch that sends sparks down the back of Edwin's hand.

He inhales sharply, and then closes his eyes, breathing more carefully before he turns to face Crystal and Charles who seem to be having a conversation using only their eyebrows and a few head tilts.

"So," Edwin says slowly and deliberately. They both turn to face him. Charles stuffing his hands into his pockets, and Crystal crossing her arms across her chest. "What's the case?"

Crystal tells them all  about the ghost she'd heard crying in an alley and how she doesn't know how she died. Crystal had told her that she was part of a detective agency that helped ghosts figure out their unfinished business, and the ghost had offered cash and the book, both which she'd buried in the park a couple of weeks previously, but she wasn't sure why. She would give them the coordinates if they took her case.

"So what do you think?" Crystal asks as soon as she's done. She's got her hands on top of the desk, leaning forward and looking at Edwin seriously. Charles is sitting once again at the corner of the desk, and Edwin is standing right across from Crystal, writing everything that she's said, and jotting down a couple of questions that would need to be answered.

He looks up when he's done, eyes on Crystal, who lifts her eyebrows in question.

"I think that we'll need to talk to the client before I can come to any conclusion."

Crystal smiles, and pushes away from the desk, "Awesome, because she's waiting outside."

She walks to the door, and Edwin looks to Charles, who is grinning as he looks at him.

"What?" Edwin asks, brow furrowed.

"Nothing," he says, standing up and moving to Edwin's side. "Just a couple of weeks ago you were trying to get rid of her, and now you're letting her choose the cases. It took me years to get that privilege."

"Yes well," Edwin says, eyes darting to the closed door and back. "Crystal is clever and discerning. Whereas you see a pretty face and invite them to stay for as long as they want."

"Oi," Charles says, pushing Edwin's shoulder with his and shooting him a quick smile. "Are you ever going to let that go?"

Edwin hums, tapping a finger to his chin like he's thinking about it, before he shakes his head, "No, I don't think so."

Charles laughs at that, turning to fully face Edwin, "Hey, it all turned out alright in the end, didn't it?"

Edwin turns to face Charles at that, reaching out impulsively, and wrapping his fingers around Charles' wrist, carefully but deliberately. "I think it turned out better than alright."

Charles' eyes dart all over his face momentarily, before he smiles, and pulls his hand from Edwin's hold, letting their palms and fingers slide against each other, sending shocks of sensation all the way up Edwin's arm, causing Edwin to inhale sharply.

"Yes," Crystal's voice interrupts the moment. "They are always like that."

They both turn towards her at the same time.

There is a young woman standing next to her. She looked to be about a couple of years older than them. Her hair was pulled away from her face and piled on top of her head, which made the sickening gash on her temple very visible. Most likely the killing blow.

"Alright then." Edwin says, pulling his jacket down. "We are the Dead Boy Detective Agency. How may we help you?"

The ghost tells them that her name is Angela Harrison, but that most people called her Angie. She was nineteen years old when she died, and had been saving up money to leave her house, but she wasn't sure why. She knew that she had lived with her parents, and was going to a local university. She mentions that she doesn't remember much after walking home from her last class of the day. And the most important bit is that she's got a neighbor who had talked to her ghostly form, asking her if she was alright, before realizing that she was dead. He'd ignored her every other attempt to talk to him, so she wasn't sure if he had actually seen her or if it had just been in her imagination.

She'd started to cry towards the end of the interrogation, so Charles herded her over to the couch, to sit next to her and pat her back.

He turns to Crystal who stays where she's leaning against the desk as she turns to Edwin. 

"So," she says slowly and deliberately.

"So," Edwin replies, fast and short. "We have to interview the neighbor."

"I agree," Crystal responds, nodding her head. "I've already got the address. It's about a thirty minute bus ride from here."

She pulls out her portable telephone from the pocket of her jeans and taps the screen a few times before turning it to face Edwin to show him the bus schedule.

"The next bus will be at the nearest stop in forty minutes. Should give us enough time to prepare."

Edwin nods his head, opening his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by a peal of giggles.

Both he and Cristal turn towards the sound, to see Angie leaning into Charles while laughing and Charles grinning a charmingly boyish grin.

Edwin taps one finger lightly against the desk, and Charles' head snaps to face them like he'd banged his fist on the wood.

Edwin turns to face Crystal instead of looking back at Charles.

"Did you want me to help you make a list of relevant questions or will you be sticking to your usual tactics?"

Crystal scoffs, "No thank you. I prefer to have some empathy when I'm questioning potential witnesses."

She smiles charmingly at him, and Edwin rolls his eyes, looking away from her to find Charles stopping right next to Crystal.

"What's the plan then?"

-

The plan goes without a hitch. Mostly.

The hiccup comes when the neighbor, one Turner Smith, turns out to be a psychic. Not as powerful as Crystal, but it was enough that he could see Charles and Edwin. 

While Crystal talks, Edwin surveys the room, taking note of the many strange artifacts and more mundane items, like paintings and exquisitely painted vases. Turner is a collector, but he doesn't actually care about the items he owns, which are mostly dusty and in disrepair. If Edwin had to guess, he'd say that this room is used to both impress and intimidate other people. 

Turner flirts outrageously with Crystal instead of actually answering any questions. When she shoots him down, he moves to Charles, who doesn't bother to entertain the attention. And then finally to Edwin, who flusters under the attention, since he's not used to it at all. But tries to rally himself immediately.

"We're not here for an afternoon chat, mate," Charles snaps, once Turner places a hand to Edwin's shoulder, and Edwin moves away. 

"Are you gonna answer the question or not? There is a dead girl who needs our help," Crystal continues. "And if you're not going to give me the answer. I can just take it."

Edwin knows Crystal enough by now to know that she is bluffing. But he also knows that if she has to, she'll do it.

"You can't get in my head without permission," Turner said, consonants practically disappearing with his nerves.

"Oh trust me, I can, but the real question is what are you hiding in there that you don't want anyone to see?"

She lifts a hand towards him, taking a step closer, and Turner jumps back.

"Fine," he says. "I'll tell you,  but it ain't gonna come cheap."

"What do you want in exchange for the information?" Edwin asks, pulling his notebook out of his pocket.

"A kiss?" He says, looking at Edwin both hopefully and salaciously.

Charles lets out a protesting sound, taking a step forward, while Crystal makes a rude sound with her teeth.

Edwin just gives Turner an unimpressed look, "How about something that is actually feasible for you to get? Like the Mona Lisa?"

Crystal snorts at that and Edwin can see Charles relaxing from the corner of his eye.

Turner shrugs, "Can't blame me for trying."

He asks for an occult item, a stone that lights up when ghosts are near that is more of a bauble than an actual threat, and luckily enough they have one lying around in the office, to use as a light source when needed.

Edwin goes to get it while Charles and Crystal stay behind.

When he gets back, Crystal looks pissed off, and Charles looks more murderous than before.

Edwin unilaterally decides that enough is enough, and they need to leave as soon as possible.

"Here we are," he says, stepping forward and holding the stone out. "One wandering stone at your service."

Turner moves closer to him, in a sauntering way, that's meant to be seductive, Edwin thinks.

He grabs the stone with one hand and grabs onto Edwin's hand before he can lower it.

"So that's a definite no to the kiss then?"

Edwin phases his hand away from Turner's hold, taking a step back as Charles moves to step in front of him.

"He already said no once," Charles says, standing between the both of them. "So maybe you should back off, yeah?"

Turner lifts his hands in the air in surrender and takes a step back.

"Okay, okay," he says. "No need for all of that."

"You got what you wanted," Crystal says, stepping up next to Charles. "So tell us, what did you see?"

Turner the psychic turned out not to have any information really. Only that Angie's father was hardly ever around and her mother was not that nice.

They walk to the nearest bus stop, Crystal walking in front of them, doing something on her portable phone while they both walk side by side several steps behind her.

Edwin looks at Charles out of the corner of his eye, and he knows that Charles is putting the same pieces together that he is.

"Can I ask you a question, Charles?"

Charles turns his face towards him incredulously, "You're actually asking for permission."

Edwin just shrugs a little helplessly. Charles shakes his head laughing, "Ask away, mate."

"Do I look like the kind of person that would accept-" he tries to think of an appropriate word, "-physical favors in exchange for information or-"

He cuts himself off, and stops walking at the same time that Charles stops and turns to face him.

"No," Charles says firmly. "That guy was just a  loathly wanker, wasn't he?"

Edwin gives him a small smile, "Still. This is the second time that it's happened."

"The second time?" Charles questions, brow furrowed, before it clears up and he gives him a knowing look, "The Cat King?"

Edwin just nods his head, and Charles just gives him an unreadable look for a long second, before shaking his head lightly and looking up to the sky. He takes an exaggerated deep breath, and then looks back to Edwin.

"I should've killed him once when I had the chance," he states, like it's a normal thing to say, and then starts to jog so that he can catch up with Crystal.

Edwin follows after him, reaching out to stop him before he gets too far. Charles stops immediately and turns to face him, raising an eyebrow in question. He looks slightly surprised that Edwin stopped him, but not entirely so.

Edwin just squeezes his fingers around wrist once, before letting go completely.

"Thank you for the offer, but I took care of it, and we left things on good terms. I think using up one of his lives would've gotten us an enemy that could make himself a real nuisance."

Charles shrugs a little, "It would've been worth it."

Edwin shakes his head, smiling, "You do know that I do know how to defend myself right?"

Charles gives him a look, "I've yet to see that actually happening, mate."

"I survived for seventy-"

"Yes, I know," Charles interrupts him. "And that was very cool and brave of you, but who was it that said that they didn't need to learn any self defense since I would be there to protect them?"

He's smiling and leaning into Edwin's space, much closer than is appropriate for the public. Edwin feels a little faint at the closeness, and his head feels like it's swimming.

"Well," Edwin says, swaying just a bit closer, eyes darting from Charles' smiling mouth to his shining eyes. "I've yet to see an occasion where you haven't."

"If you two don't stop flirting you're going to miss the bus," Crystal calls out to them.

Several people look at her like she's crazy, but she gets on the bus like nothing is wrong.

Charles and Edwin turn to look at each other once, before they start running together to get into the bus before it actually pulls away from the curb.

-

Crystal takes their client aside to ask her the questions about what's going on with her parents. Edwin is in theory supposed to be helping Charles, but instead he's leaning back against his desk and watching as Charles starts to meticulously pack his bag. 

Edwin doesn't expect them to actually need to defend themselves against Angie's parents, but he wasn't about to tell Charles that.

Edwin closes his book around one finger so that he doesn't lose his page, and he watches Charles. He remembers the months upon months of work Charles had put into figuring out how the bag worked. How it had been the payment given for a case. Charles had insisted he figure it out, and Edwin had searched through all of the books they had, finding several that were relevant, and leaving them in places where Charles would find them.

The first time that it had come in handy during a case, Edwin hadn't been able to prevent himself from telling him how brilliant it was. A breathless, "That was amazing, Charles!" as they kept running after Charles had thrown a bomb at one of the possessed suits of armor that had been chasing after them.

And a more effervescent, "Seriously Charles, it was aces!" once they'd gotten back to the office.

Charles had smiled, wide and happy both times, and this time he'd reached over and wrapped an arm around Edwin's shoulders, tugging him in close to his side and pressing their temples together for a brief moment.

Edwin remembers gasping in the moment, the touch almost sinking into him, and shuddering a little, before Charles had let him go.

Another instance Edwin can think back on and realize that what he'd been experiencing wasn't just a response to never actually being touched, but a reaction to being in love with Charles.

"I have never seen you this spaced out," Charles says, once again interrupting Edwin's thoughts about him. "Are you still thinking about me?"

Edwin blinks a couple of times. Charles is standing in front of him, another unfamiliar look on his face, eyes shining with something that looked like interest if Edwin didn't know any better.

 Edwin looks away from him quickly, clearing his throat and trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't be a complete lie, but also wouldn't be the complete truth.

"Hey," Charles says softly, reaching out a hand to turn Edwin's face back to face him, before dropping his hand back to his side. "There is no need for you to get all poked up about it."

Edwin releases a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, which was a ridiculous thing to do, since he didn't actually need to breathe. But like always, he seems to forget all about that whenever Charles is around.

"You know, I don't mind if you think about me," Charles says, like it's something that he's actually put thought into saying. "It's actually kind of flattering."

Edwin gasps at that as Charles moves closer. "Are you teasing me, Charles?" he asks, voice shaking.

"Depends on what definition of teasing you're ascribing to it," Charles responds. "If you mean, am I making fun of you, then the answer is never."

He moves even closer, hands resting on the desk on either side of Edwin on the desk, and he's so close that if they were alive he'd be able to feel the warmth coming off his skin. As it is, Edwin feels like he's buzzing, like he might just burst into a million tiny atom pieces if Charles moves any closer.

"If you mean am I flirting with you, then the answer is maybe."

Edwin swallows hard, licking his lips, "Maybe?"

"Yeah," Charles responds, leaning in even closer and tilting his head to one side. "I've been doing a lot of thinking about it. About what you said."

"You have?" Edwin questions quietly, eyes fluttering as Charles moves his hands and places them on either side of Edwin's waist.

"I've done nothing but think about it," Charles replies in an equally low voice. "And you know what I think?"

"What?" Edwin breathes, barely audible as Charles lips brush just barely against his cheek, sending sparks of sensation through him.

"That I should pack those books from the list you gave me. Don't want a repeat of what happened with the museum ghost, do we?" he says, pulling away. Edwin follows after him helplessly, not actually hearing what he'd said, until he does.

He stops and gives Charles a look, and Charles, Charles is just grinning at him,

"You, rapscallion," Edwin breathes out, letting himself slump backwards into his desk.

Charles smirks, "It's been a while since you've pulled that one out."

"Yeah, well, it's deserved," Edwin says primly, opening his book again.

He glances up as Charles laughs, almost giggles to himself as he packs the pile of books from the list that Edwin had given him earlier.

Edwin should continue to read his book. But he becomes distracted by Charles once again. The way his face scrunched up as he concentrated on putting away the books in the perfect spot where he'd be able to reach them in a hurry.

Every time he finds himself distracted he wonders how he didn't realize it before. 

Why it took an extremely forward Cat King and an ultimately sweet crow turned boy, to help him realize what he was actually feeling, when he can think back on hundreds (on thousands) of moments where he was without a doubt distracted and infatuated.

"I think we should talk after the case is solved," Charles says, and Edwin blinks a couple of times and finds Charles leaning back against one of the glass cases, staring at Edwin like he'd been watching him the entire time that Edwin had been thinking.

"What about exactly?" Edwin asks, even though he already knows what Charles would want to talk about. Edwin has been lost in his thoughts a lot lately. Ever since Port Townsend, and it really doesn't take a genius to figure out why.

"About something that I've been thinking about," Charles responds, stressing the I, like he knows what Edwin had been thinking the conversation had to do with him thinking too much.

Edwin wants to ask, but before he can, Crystal is walking into the office followed by Angie.

"Alright," she says. "I've made sure that both of her parents are going to be at the house tonight. We have less than an hour to get there, so let's just go over the plan one more time."

She looks up from her portable telephone then, and darts a gaze between the two of them, raising her eyebrows pointedly at Charles, who seems to understand what she's trying to say because he shakes his head once, as subtle as he could.

Not subtle enough that Edwin didn't catch it.

While Crystal and Charles go over the plan, he tries not to spiral into what that could mean. Even if Charles is going to tell him that he could never feel anything romantic towards him, Edwin has never been more secure of his place in Charles' life.

Nothing that is coming out of the upcoming conversation is going to have the power to tear them apart. Edwin wouldn't let it, and he knows that Charles wouldn't either.

-

Edwin walks a few paces behind Charles and Crystal, who are walking arm in arm talking in soft voices. The case is closed. Angie has moved on. And finding out her death was caused by parental neglect and could've been completely unavoidable, had hit a chord within all three of them.

But for Edwin, the neglect of his own parents wasn't something that crippled him anymore, not after the seventy years he spent in hell. He would've given them more privacy, and gone to the office through a mirror, but he didn't exactly want to let either of them out of his sight yet. 

So he strolled behind them, while writing in his notebook, finishing up the summary of every time he could recall that he'd been in love with Charles during the last thirty-five years. He'd never planned on giving him the pages after he was done cataloging his memories, but something about the words spat out by Angie's father, about how no one would ever care about a broken child like her, had made Charles so hurt and angry that he'd had to walk out of the house before Crystal was done with her interview. And Edwin had decided that Charles needed to know exactly how much Edwin loved him, despite and inspite of everything.

Every couple of minutes, Charles would glance back towards Edwin, and would nod his head a little, as though Edwin was right where Charles expected him to be, and he was glad that he was there, trailing after them.

They walk to the office, since Crystal had left her bag behind and the keys to her apartment were stuffed in one of the pockets, and Edwin knows that he's not going to follow after them when Charles walks Crystal home. He hasn't before, and he doesn't think that he should now.

It's something that they do on their own. And Edwin won't begrudge that when there are plenty of things that he and Charles share that don't involve Crystal, and the magic lessons he shares with Crystal that they ban Charles from.

Crystal grabs her bag and hugs Edwin goodbye. He pats her back once, and she grins at him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Edwin inclines his head, "I hope you sleep well tonight."

She gives him a look, which tells him all he needs to know about how she's going to sleep.

Charles grins, holding the door open for her, and moves to go after her, when Edwin stops him.

"I'll be right back," Charles says. "I did say-"

"No, it's not about that," Edwin says, and then he's pulling his notebook out and finding the correct pages before tearing them out.

"Here," he folds the five pages in half, and hands them to Charles, who takes them carefully, keeping them folded, while giving Edwin a questioning look.

"It's just about a  problem I've been working on for a bit," he says carefully. Not wanting to give away what was actually written, so that he wouldn't have to answer any questions until after Charles read everything. "I think I got my answer. And I think that it'll help you tonight."

Charles looks down at the papers in his hand thoughtfully and then back to Edwin, who tries not to look as nervous as he suddenly feels.

"It's just a reminder. Some reminders are good every now and again."

Charles opens his mouth to say something when Crystal's voice sounds from the street entrance. 

"Charles, I'm gonna miss the bus if you take any longer!"

"Be right there!" Charles yells back and then sticks the papers into the inside pocket of his jacket.

"All right, I'll be back before you know it."

Edwin just nods his head as Charles turns and leaves. 

The door closes behind him with a low click sound. Edwin turns around and walks further into the office where he has a pile of books that need to be sorted.

Edwin doesn't know how long he spends putting books away, but by the time he's done, Charles isn't back yet.

Edwin tries, unsuccessfully, not to read into that, and starts clearing things off his desk, a stack of case files, papers they no longer need, mail that needs to be sorted through, books that he's stopped reading part of the way through, too distracted thinking about Charles to actually finish reading them. 

He turns with the mail in his hands, and jumps startled, letting the letters fall to the floor, when Charles walks through the wall that leads into one of the empty rooms that surround their office. Usually, when Edwin can't find him, that's where he is, messing around with the dimension trapped inside of his backpack. 

He's got the pages that Edwin had handed him, and brandishes them in Edwin's face as he comes to stop right in front of him.

"Did you mean all of this?" he asks, something frantic in his tone. Like he needs to know the answer to that question more than he needs to know anything else.

"Of course," Edwin says immediately, sliding a step closer.. "It is all I've been thinking about lately."

He puts his hand to his chest, where his heart would be pounding out of his chest if he was still alive, "How this feeling crept up on me unawares. And I've come to the conclusion that it really didn't. It was always there. I just pushed it away, because I thought that that was what I was supposed to do. But it was always there, simmering beneath everything."

Charles stays silent for a long moment, eyes darting all over Edwin's face.

"I'm not expecting anything from this," Edwin feels the need to clarify. "After this last case. I just, really wanted you to know that I care, and that you are loved." 

Charles exhales softly at that, and lets his hand drop. Stuffing the folded papers into his pocket before Edwin can think to ask to get them back. 

Charles moves closer and anything else that Edwin had been about to say dies in his throat. Charles places his hands on Edwin's shoulders, and Edwin feels the touch sinking through him like a soporific, easing away all of the tension he'd been feeling.

"Edwin Payne," Charles says, the look on his face familiar for the amount of times that Edwin has seen it in the last couple of weeks. "You know I love you."

"I do," Edwin replies, trying very hard not to look away from Charles' face, or let the disappointment he feels show.

Charles exhales again, shaking his head, and moves his hands so that he's cupping Edwin's face, "You say that. But I don't think you do, really."

Edwin opens his mouth to speak, but Charles shakes his head. "Just listen to me, yeah?"

Edwin's dart all over Charles' face before nodding his head slightly.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about this. Which you know is unusual. But I can't just wing this. You're my best mate. My favorite person in the entire world. It's too important."

Charles' eyes dart away from him, like he's trying to figure out how to put what he's feeling into words, and back again, looking more determined than he'd been earlier. "I've never been in love with anyone. I don't know what that feels like. But I have loved other people. I loved my mom and my friends. I love Crystal. But it's all nothing compared to what I do feel for you."

Edwin gasps at the words, and Charles smiles at him, nodding his head a little, like Edwin is finally getting something that he's been trying to tell him for years. And Edwin is just, trying very hard not to do something utterly ridiculous, like slip into the gap still left between them and fit himself into Charles like they're one being.

"You told me that I had to experience hell in order to actually see it," Charles continues, sliding his hands back down to Edwin's shoulders, and the touch makes Edwin shiver, eyes fluttering. "My hell was losing you. And no afterlife would tempt me if you aren't a part of it. I don't know if that is what being in love is, but I do think it's the closest I'll ever get to that feeling."

Edwin can't help the smile that spreads across his face, Charles isn't looking at him in the eyes, eyes to the top of Edwin's head, like he can't look at him directly, but also can't stop looking at him. And Edwin has never felt like this before, like he's going to buzz apart into tiny atoms.

"And I don't know if that's enough-"

"It's enough," Edwin says, interrupting him. Charles' eyes dart back down. "It is more than enough."

Charles smiles, small and intimate, eyes shining brightly. "Yeah?" 

"Yes," Edwin replies immediately.

Charles laughs, and wraps his arms around Edwin's shoulders, pulling him into a full body hug. Edwin wraps his arms around him immediately, digging his fingers into Charles' back, pressing his face into Charles' shoulder and closing his eyes.

This is what he's been wanting. Every time Charles touched him, all he craved was Charles pressed as close to him as possible. Edwin isn't sure how he went on the last thirty years without this. Holding Charles and being held in return was what Edwin would hope the afterlife to feel like, warm and safe. 

Charles sighs, melting into the touch, and Edwin just holds on to him tighter.

After a couple of minutes, which Edwin hopes will last forever, Charles turns his head, so that his lips are brushing against Edwin's ear.

"There is one thing that I'm sure about," he says, in a low voice. 

Edwin digs his chin into Charles' shoulder, not really wanting to let go. "And what is that?"

Charles moves again, pulling back enough that they're face to face, and Edwin lets it happen a bit reluctantly.

Charles laughs at what must be a ridiculous look on his face, and then he leans back in, knocking their foreheads together gently. 

"I want to kiss you," he breathes, and Edwin gasps quietly, eyes falling shut.

"Would you?" Edwin asks, leaning forward a little, just enough that their noses brush together.

Charles breathes out a laugh, and Edwin feels it washing over him like sunshine after being trapped in the dark for days. 

"If I had known you'd be interested I would've kissed you thirty years ago."

Edwin gasps again, leaning back a little so that he can look at Charles. 

Charles is still smiling, but his eyes are sincere. Edwin can just barely believe that this is actually happening. It seems like something that he's been waiting for for years, but also like something that he didn't even realize he wanted until he got it.

And if it had been anyone else, he would've probably been more nervous, but this was Charles.

Who Edwin trusted implicitly.

So instead of questioning this, Edwin takes a page out of Charles' book and goes with his first instinct.

He tightens his arms around Charles, even though it's practically impossible for them to be any closer, and leans in close, pressing his nose to Charles' cheek.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

Charles huffs put a breath, and his voice sounds rough when he speaks again, "Your explicit permission. Wouldn't want to be a repeat of your first now would I?"

Edwin just shakes his head huffing out a laugh. "You could have a repeat of my second kiss if you want instead?"

Charles makes to move backwards probably to question him, but Edwin just follows after him, and presses a kiss to Charles cheek.

Charles stops speaking, breathing  in sharply.  

Edwin smiles as he pulls away. Charles' eyes flutter open, and he stares at Edwin, like he can't believe that Edwin is real.

Edwin grins at the look on his face, delighted that he's able to surprise Charles after thirty years.

Charles laughs, shaking his head a little before he's moving again, fitting his hands to either side of Edwin's face as he leans in close.

"I'm going to kiss you now," Charles says, seriously.

"Are you really?" Edwin asks, not sounding as sarcastic as he's going for, leaning into Charles' touch, hands splayed along Charles' back. "Or are you just going to keep talking about it all ni-"

Charles kisses him, mouth pressed to Edwin's bottom lip, and the entire world falls silent.

Edwin can feel the soft, buzzing pressure of Charles' mouth against his own, and he's never felt anything quite like it in all of his years both living and dead.

Charles pulls away, and Edwin follows after him, kissing him again, smothering the soft sound of whatever word Charles was going to say with his mouth. Charles slides his hands to the back of Edwin's neck, and keeps him close as he kisses him back.

Charles pulls away again after a long minute, and Edwin keeps his eyes closed for a moment, before he opens them to see Charles staring at him, eyes darker than he's ever seen.

"Edwin," he breathes out, something almost awed in his tone.

"Charles," Edwin says back in the same tone.

Charles grins, happy and bright and then he's tugging Edwin back in for another kiss. 

Edwin falls into the kiss, opening his mouth to Charles and making a low, surprised sound when Charles licks against his lips. He pulls away slightly, and Charles is smiling a little sheepishly. "Too much?"

Edwin doesn't answer him, he just kisses him again open mouthed and possibly too enthusiastic, but Charles takes it all in stride, digging his fingers into Edwin's jaw and tilting his head to the side and kissing him back. 

Edwin loses himself in the kiss, following Charles' lead, until he accidentally snags his teeth against Charles' bottom lip, and Charles makes a low sound in the back of his throat, that makes that buzzing feeling in Edwin's throat sink to the pit of his stomach.

He drags his hands from where he'd been clenching the back of Charles' jacket into fists, and wraps his fingers in the open collar of his jacket, pushing him backwards and following after him, barely keeping their mouths pressed together.

Charles stumbles backwards, their mouths sliding apart, and he lands to sit back on the desk, toppling the pile of case files that Edwin had yet to put away to the floor. Edwin just follows after him, dropping his hands to the desk on either side of Charles' hips as he pushes in close and licks back into Charles' open mouth.

Charles' moans and wraps his fingers around the sleeves of Edwin's sweater vest, tugging him closer, parting his knees to make space for Edwin's hips between his thighs.

Edwin slides his arms around Charles' waist, and Charles drags his hands into Edwin's hair, scrubbing his fingers across his perfectly styled hair and messing it up entirely. 

Not that Edwin cares, not when Charles bites against his lip, and kisses him hard and fast, like he's been starving this entire time, and Edwin was the first good meal he'd had in decades.

Edwin doesn't know how much time passes, but it feels like no time at all has passed as Charles eases away, pressing shaky fingers to Edwin's face as he does.

He's breathing hard, and Edwin would laugh at the absurdity of a ghost being out of breath, if he wasn't too busy panting as well.

Charles licks his lips and swallows hard. "That was-" he starts, trailing off, as he drags his hands back into Edwin's hair, smiling.

"Yeah," Edwin says absentmindedly, eyes drawn down to Charles' neck as he swallows hard, where the collar of his shirt presses into the skin of his throat.

"We should've done that ages ago," Charles continues, but Edwin really doesn't want to talk right now. He leans down, and presses a kiss Charles' throat, half against the collar of his shirt, and half against his skin.

"Oh, bloody hell," Charles breathes, and Edwin presses another kiss, this one harder. Charles' hands slide back into his hair and he tugs.

Edwin muffles the sound he makes against Charles' throat, and noses the fabric of his collar out of the way to drop a kiss lower on his neck.

"Edwin," Charles whines, hands dragging uselessly though Edwin's hair. "Maybe we should stop, yeah?"

Edwin hums against his skin, and bites him lightly, making Charles jump and curse.

Charles tugs Edwin's head away from his neck, and Edwin goes willingly.

"You've got to stop doing that," Charles says breathlessly as he knocks their foreheads together, gently. "Or else we're going to end up naked, and I really want to take you on a proper date before we shag on top of your desk."

Edwin laughs at that, shaking his head and leaning heavier on Charles. "Think highly of yourself, don't you?"

Charles huffs a little, "You're the one kissing my neck."

"I've never done that before," Edwin admits, "But it's not the first time I've thought about doing it to you."

Charles makes a low sound, and kisses him again, too sweet and too fast.

Edwin chases after his mouth, unwilling to let the kiss be so brief and kisses him again.

They lose long minutes like that, kissing and kissing and touching and kissing again, mouths making slick wet sounds as they kiss sloppy and deep, hands scrambling everywhere, Edwin's hands flat on Charles' back, keeping him close, Charles' hands dragging from Edwin's hair to snag in the collar of his shirt, tugging until his bowtie is undone, and back again to his hair. The edges that make them two separate people blurring until Edwin can't tell them apart, like they're trying to fuse together into the same being. 

When they part this time, Edwin takes a step backwards, and Charles' hands catch him before he can get too far, fingers hooking into the sleeves of his vest. Edwin presses a shaky hand to his buzzing mouth, feeling tender and aching.

"I'm afraid," he says, swallowing thickly. "That if we had done that before, we wouldn't have gotten anything else done."

Charles laughs, the sound high and breathy, eyes squinting as he looks at Edwin. 

Edwin feels it bubbling inside of him, popping in his chest like champagne bubbles, and he can't help but smile back, swaying forward a bit as he just stares at him, feeling the words he hasn't repeated since hell trapped in his throat.

"What?" Charles asks after a couple of long seconds of silence.

"I love you," Edwin says, the words falling out as easy as anything.

Charles smiles, soft and sweet and tugs him closer, wrapping his arms around Edwin's waist and bumping their foreheads together. "Love you too."

Edwin breathes out a happy sigh, letting his eyes fall shut, and he leans against him, feeling for the very first time in the over 100 years of his existence that he's exactly where he's meant to be.

[butchspace]

BDS has updated their calls for consumer boycotts to include: Chevron (and Texaco and Caltex by extension). Here is their most current boycott list.

They have also officially called for a boycott of McDonald’s. Here is their Instagram post on McDonald’s.

[spitblaze]

considering how many transmascs were legitimately way angrier BEFORE starting T and have since calmed down significantly have we perhaps considered that maybe the reason so many cis dudes are angry and aggressive isn't because of testosterone but maybe. like. personal issues. unmet needs. a social climate that teaches them that there are only like three acceptable emotional outlets for men max and one of them is being angry and shouting

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

Wow, this "gender free" fashion brand sure doesn't have any AMAB models.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

the fact that shakespeare was a playwright is sometimes so funny to me. just the concept of the "greatest writer of the English language" being a random 450-year-old entertainer, a 16th cent pop cultural sensation (thanks in large part to puns & dirty jokes & verbiage & a long-running appeal to commoners). and his work was made to be watched not read, but in the classroom teachers just hand us his scripts and say "that's literature"

just...imagine it's 2450 A.D. and English Lit students are regularly going into 100k debt writing postdoc theses on The Simpsons screenplays. the original animation hasn't even been preserved, it's literally just scripts and the occasional SDH subtitles.txt. they've been republished more times than the Bible

[saturnisfallingdown]

dude what do you mean minecraft still costs like 20 bucks. it should come preinstalled on every computer like solitaire at this point

[givemearmstopraywith]

funds for indigenous communities affected by the canada wildefires *updated*

grassy narrows first nations (ontario) needs funds for an escape route

odawa first nations (quebec-ontario) is raising funds for evacuees

algonquins of barriere (mitchikanibikok inik in alberta) lake mutual aid request 

you can drop donations for the odawa first nations at 815 st laurent blvd in ottawa

you can drop off food donations for mitchikanibikok inik at the ramada plaza in gatineau; you can also email info/@/health.rapidlake.com with mutual aid donations. please note that the maniwaki native friendship center is now closed to donations

if you’re directly affected, the pueblo action alliance has developed a guide for DIY filtration for the smoke

updates (as of 6 june 2023):

donate funds for evacuees from little red river cree nation (via kahkakow)

k'atl'odeeche first nations needs funds to rebuild homes and businesses lost (via aelabee)

i’ll update this as i find more fundraising initiatives and please free to share your own. reblogs with anything than sharing resources/mutual aid requests/fundraising opportunities get blocked. 

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

[heritageposts]

large zionist blocklist below

i've compiled a list of all the blogs positively interacting with the @/israel-palestine-bingo blog

there's more info about how the names were complied under the read more, but just to get an idea of how vile the blog is, i just want to quickly mention that the first prize offered in their pinned post, "eight hours of memi mamtera," is the song used in the viral israeli tiktok trend of kidnapping, humiliating, and torturing palestinians in the west bank.

and the "grand prize," which needs no explanation, is "all of palestine! for free!"

some quick info: all the names here have either approvingly replied to, reblogged from, or liked one or more of @/israel-palestine-bingo's posts. for likes, i've only gathered names that appear under their original posts; mostly ones that have not been reblogged, and some with 2-3 reblogs that have not left the immediate sphere of zionists. i've also made sure that these are blogs who have either liked more than one posts from them, or who frequently reblogs from other zionists.

you can also quickly look through the blog yourself (it doesn't have that many posts), or check out any of the names on the list with a quick 'israel' or 'palestine' in the search bar or their blogs.

there are more screenshots at the end of the posts, including ones showing who made the blog (ani-lo-daredevil / katenotbishop), and the bingo board itself (ashenpumpkin).

blocking tip: fastest way to mass block users (on desktop) is to go to settings -> the blog your blocking them from -> scroll all the way down to 'blocked tumblrs,' and then copy-paste the name your blocking

names listed below in alphabetical order reminder again, block don't engage

2peachy acleverforgery ani-lo-daredevil apollo-enthusiast ashenpumpkin <- credited for making the bingo board, reblogged/liked almost all of their posts. aureatecorvid avi-on-jumblr (main @/clear-what-i-was-seeing) awstheticshit bambahalva bleepiesheepie bluenorther blueredfetch bones-and-crows britneysmeanshirt cannibalism-is-my-love-language captain-navii casavanse celepito chubbybubba ciitrus--fruitz coffeelovinggayidiot da-socks davos-is-the-one-true-king dchan87 disregardenedgnostic elder-millennial-of-zion faggotry-enjoyer fdelopera flowercrownsandfairylights fluffel677 fluffy-art-moss george-lucas-is-god got-chavi icereader12 illegitimatetenenbaum inklingm8 its-hila jewishlivesmatter just-illegal karinhasdacookie

katenotbishop <- the main account of the person running the blog. her sideblog is @/ani-lo-daredevil

kelluinox kingofslush letaot-ze-magniv lingonberryjamistakenwhat lovelyhairedpianist magic-coffee marrymepadfoot marvel-ous-posts masters-puddle <- pornblog mixmangosmangoverse morganas-simp mossadspydolphin multifandermissesanakin nameless370 namiko026 nevleg32 notcrazyiswear oakstar519 perfectlynormalperson psychologeek queerius randomname3 redvodyanoi rhysaka sally006 sbinklebooper scp-1296 shinekocreator <- commented, 'but is this the 8 hour version?' on a post where someone ''won'' the song used in the tiktok torture videos. snakelung sort-of-a-demon soxiyy stuffandatherstuff tearsandice tedious-waffle thebejeweledwatercat the-library-alcove thirdmagic thisgingerhasnosoul timegirl tolaat-bli-toelet <- the person running the bingo blog. mainblog is @/katenotbishop transmascpetewentz tribulation-of-somnolence unexistencerpg viktorrotkiv wanderingmadscientist whiterose-blackrose whitesunlars why5x5

note: @/tolaat-bli-toelet changed her username to @/ani-lo-daredevil (her main is still @/katenotbishop)

and from the same post,

the last post was also reblogged by the creator of the israel-palestine-bingo blog

[notbrucewayne48]

"aphobia doesn't exist"

bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it

[sanatomis]

cw. none except satoru being disgustingly cute (part 2)

satoru isn’t used to people calling him anything other than his surname. gojo-san to most, gojo-sensei to others. it’s simple, and gets the job done.

only a handful of people stick to calling him by his given name. to them, he’s satoru. it’s easy, and rolls of the tongue, and he greatly prefers it over the sound of his surname. it makes him feel like an actual person.

satoru never entertained the possibility of being called anything else other than those two names. he didn’t think it would ever happen.

for once, he was glad to be proven wrong.

“tough day, pretty?” you ask gently, and he sighs with a nod as he throws himself into your opened arms. his body moulds easily into yours, and he lets out a heavy groan as he settles onto the couch with you. the groan is loud, and over-exaggerated.

it’s so satoru.

you have to stifle a giggle.

“everything went horribly wrong,” he grumbles, his voice muffled against the fabric of your shirt. “the higher ups were up my ass again, my students laughed at me again, and when i finally made it to that bakery you liked they were out of your favourite pastries so i couldn’t get them for you—again!”

“oh, my poor baby,” you coo, and gently push his bangs out of his face. he nods in agreement, faking an immense amount of sympathy for himself. “‘s okay, at least you tried, hm? i think that’s very sweet.”

satoru hums, as if he’s deeply thinking about your words. “’m still your baby?” he mumbles, deciding that’s the most important thing right now. his eyes briefly flutter shut, consumed by utter bliss as you play with the hairs on his undercut.

“mhm, still my baby.”

“yeah? what else am i?”

this time you do giggle. he does this sometimes. you aren’t exactly sure why—but on tough days, satoru likes to crawl into your arms and listen to you call him every cheesy nickname under the sun. it’s easily providable and makes him so very happy, so you always indulge him.

“my honey bun.”

“and?”

“my boo bear.”

“mhm.”

“my sweetheart.”

“yes?”

you laugh softly. “my mochi,” you coo, and pinch his cheek. it’s a little squished because he’s laying on your chest, but it emphasises your point.

he grins under your touch. it’s adorable.

“keep them coming, please?” he asks, and you do. you always do, unable to refuse him. especially when he asks so sweetly.

“my sugar cookie.”

“my muffin.”

“my baby cakes.”

“my angel.”

“my love.”

“my husband.”

“h—huh?” satoru stammers, looking up from your chest. he lays his chin on your sternum, baby blue eyes blinking up at you. they’re filled with awe, surprise, and utter glee. “that’s, i’m not. . .”

“just testing the title, baby,” you tell him, and continue playing with his hair. he bathes in your touch and you smile softly as he grabs and kisses the palm of your hand. “what do you think, hm?”

“i think you should call me it again.”

“oh?”

“mhm,” he mumbles.

“my dearest husband.”

“again.”

“my handsome husband.”

“again.”

“my sweet husband.”

“again, please?”

you hum, impressed. “my well-mannered husband.”

satoru chuckles, and lays back down on your chest. his white hair tickles against your skin, and he sighs in content.

“i think i want to be your husband for real.”

“yeah?”

“yeah,” he mumbles and nuzzles further into your hold. “y’ve got the same ring size still, right?”

“i sure do,” you say, a content smile on your lips as you watch him slowly doze off to sleep.

“hm, good to know.”

for satoru, those nicknames make him feel as if he’s something even greater than a person—it makes him feel yours.

he’s not just gojo, the strongest. he’s not just satoru, the at-times somewhat immature adult with the sweet tooth of a child.

he’s yours. your baby. your honey bun. your boo bear. your mochi. your boyfriend. your love. and for satoru, there’s no greater thing in the world than that.

[arabella-s-arts]

Scenes/Things in Supernatural that genuinely don't make sense to me if Dean was straight:

The confession booth scene.

Sam just rolling with the fact that Dean's siren is a guy while still thinking sirens infect people through sex.

Dean being flustered by several men: Gunner Lawless, Aaron, Doctor Sexy, etc.

All the parallels between Destiel and other couples. (A big one being "last night on Earth" bc how do you do that accidentally.)

Having all the gay jokes be on Dean instead of Sam.

Paralleling Sam meeting his childhood celebrity crush with Dean meeting Gunner Lawless.

The boner Dean got when Cas cleaned up.

Dean gulping after Cas does an impression from a Western movie.

Charlie, a lesbian, calling Castiel "dreamy."

The way Mary looks at Dean and Cas when they hug.

Dean wondering why everyone assumes he's gay, while Sam not caring.

The logic that Charlie can't flirt with guys because she's only attracted to women, but then having Dean flirt with the guy for her.

Dean seeming disappointed when learning that Aaron's flirting was fake.

The amount of time Dean and Cas spend staring at each other.

Dean canonically having an orgy with Crowley.

A woman saying that she knows when someone's pining for someone else to Dean, just for us to learn that Dean was never in love with Amara.

The set design and script choices that lead to a cross in the background while Dean said "I do." to Cas after he came back to life.

Edit: To the people who say I can't use the siren as an example because the siren is supposed to be his brother, and therefore his siren being a man doesn't work. If you reread that bullet point, then you will realize that I didn't put it down as just simply Dean's siren being a man. I recognize that the siren is supposed to be his brother. It's the fact that Sam still thinks the siren infects people through sex, not knowing that it's actually through saliva when he realizes who the siren is. So when he sees that Dean's siren is a guy, he had to assume they had sex, and he does not seem surprised by this at all.

[reineydraws]

i dont have a caption for you lol i'll let shanks's heart eyes speak for themselves 🫶

(source)

[saintartemis]

Someday I'm going to write a book about working in museums and have an entire chapter dedicated to the weird things people have said to or have asked me. On second thought maybe I’ll make that the whole book.

[asterwild]

PENGUINS. all of them!

(not precisely to scale, but close)