#and i know she’s like. really hurt by all the people telling her how bad she sounds and how yikes it all is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

all-pacas · 1 day

Text

OKAY. 13 AND CHASE IN AFTER HOURS THO

The fact that when 13 needs help, she calls Chase. Why does she call him? Why doesn't she call someone else? She needs someone to deliver her a portable ultrasound, and okay, you could argue Foreman is a bad call because he's her ex and would pry. That House would just refuse. Taub would have been a good pick tbh, he would drop it off and just go home no questions asked. But no, she calls Chase

(And I love that call. "You doing anything?" "Oh, yeah, I'm just about to go out," Chase lies blatantly, asleep in bed with a book on the crusades on his chest. Like the loser he is. I don't know that it was done well but I love how S7 examines his Dumb Whore tendencies: it isn't really him, it's a rebound. He does it again when he gets stabbed.)

And of course the second he shows up he immediately sees through 13's excuses and pushes his way into the apartment. Because we love Chase's observation skills triumphing over his laziness.

13 tells Chase the prison backstory. Like! It's kind of glossed over. She hasn't told this to anyone else. She doesn't hide it. I killed my brother. It wasn't murder. Chase is just pacing, you just know he's twigged as hell, he's so anxious all at once as she tries to brush past it. The idea that 13 kind of had to tell him to explain Darrien's presence but she's also — House is the only other person who knows.

CHASE: Have you talked to anybody about it? I mean, are you okay?

Like we know this immediately triggered something in Chase, but 13 doesn't, and seeing him so anxious and pacing and ignoring the bleeding dying woman as 13 works, it's just. Incredible. It's good. He cares immediately, he's relating to this immediately.

But I love seeing them work together. Like they just immediately go in sync, Chase offering suggestions and 13 doing the work. They're just. It's nice.

SIDE NOTE: House says he called everyone before he called Cuddy. We see him call 13 and Taub. Chase is off picking up drugs, we don't see House call him, but like. He had to have called Chase first, right? Did Chase not pick up? Did he blow him off because he already was dealing with someone bleeding to death in someone's apartment??

The way they fight oh my god. The way 13 just is trying to fucking murder Chase. She punches him, she claws and shoves him, and then he just clocks her and stares horrified as she falls to the floor. Like it's an actual fight, it's brutal, it's so good. They hurt one another. I can't explain it but I love how brutal it is, that they both walk away with bruises, that it isn't pretty. Incredible. Amazing scene.

CHASE: You were defending your friend beyond all rationality, granting her the right to die in your bedroom. Was it really all because of a promise? 13: That word means something to some people. CHASE: Not that much. […] CHASE: You promised your brother you'd euthanize him and you think you won't feel bad about it as long as you can blame it on the promise. That's why you have this twisted obligation to keep all promises… or your carefully constructed defense mechanism could crumble down. 13: I saved my brother from a lot of pain.

!! Chase keeps bringing it up, he keeps bringing up her brother, not out of I can't believe you did a murder or I can't believe you went to prison but: you must hate yourself. He's calling her out on her coping mechanisms, he's calling her out on her guilt, and it's so fucking clear what he means is I get it but he's not saying that part. 13 killed her brother and now has to believe she did the right thing, no matter what, no matter how she feels. She's taking away her own agency: it was for a promise, it was his decision, she had nothing to do with it, it's fine, it doesn't feel bad. Chase killed Dibala and told himself it was for the greater good, it was morally just, it was the right thing to do, it doesn't feel bad. And it nearly destroyed him. And so he's pushing and pushing at it. He never goes 13 went to prison! he never goes it's so crazy you did that! Whenever he brings it up it's only in the context of how worried he is about her. Has she spoken to someone? Is she coping? Is this healthy? Is she okay? He's so worried. He cares so much.

I adore 13 and Chase running out of ideas with Darrien and calling dad. Most sibling coded of all time. Just. And the fact that House doesn't allude to also being in the hospital, actively bleeding and in pain, just, yes, we gotta help bail you two idiots out. Beautiful moment.

Chase getting 13 ice and coffee and still feeling guilty for punching her out, and 13 not blaming him at all. Like. You know. Don't beat people up. But in this one case I totally approve. Because I love it.

13: Darrien had to shoot that kid. It was the right thing. Completely justified. But it didn't matter. She destroyed her life trying to forget. I'm afraid that's what's gonna happen to me. CHASE: You really should talk to someone. 13: I've talked to a therapist. It didn't help. CHASE: Well, maybe you should talk to someone who isn't a therapist. 13: Do you really think you have any idea what it's like to live with something like this? CHASE: Let's grab a coffee.

Since the second Chase found out, this is what it's been leading towards. I love that he doesn't answer, he doesn't say a thing, but this is what he's been thinking all episode, why he's been pushing, why he's been so worried and caring: talk to me. Tell me you're not okay. Tell me everything isn't fine. And 13 holds it back until the end of the case, until it's over and she has no distractions. It's not at all clear Chase himself has talked to someone about Dibala, btw. He probably hasn't.

And how insane is that. He never told Foreman or House; they figured it out. He told Cameron: she left him. (Imagine being 13, hearing this. Realizing the timeline. She went to their wedding. What did she think happened when Cameron just … left? How quickly does she figure it out now?) House told Chase to talk to someone, Chase tried Confessing, but whenever he's tried to tell anyone it's gone terribly for him. I don't think he has talked to anyone. But he repeats House's advice to 13: talk to someone. (Talk to me.) He's offering her what he never got. And their situations are different, hers is much more sympathetic and easy to accept than his. Chase never goes I never got help or you have nothing to feel bad about or implies he doesn't think it's a big deal: his entire reaction is just empathy. He wants 13 to get what he didn't get, he wants to help.

The song that plays over the end of the episode is Bon Iver's Flume. And as much as you can apply it to House, and Cuddy, and Wilson, and all of that — it's a song about feeling isolated, feeling alone and being afraid of letting go. Of holding on to things that stain and hurt. The lyrics that play while 13 and Chase are having their coffee in the conference room, though:

i wear my garment/so it shows now you know

And I just! I love! Them! The ways 13 and Chase are so alike and so damaged, the way Chase reacts with empathy and care and wants her to have what he didn't, the way they know one another's secrets and worst moments and rely on one another so easily. 13's secrecy is a meme, in and out of universe, but Chase is absolutely no better: he won't even admit he's Catholic when talking to a nun. They're private to faults, they mask by sleeping around and taking risks and pretending not to care, they hide their hurts and then somehow, they punch one another in the face and know everything. I'm just. I'm so obsessed with them. I want them like this always.

#robert chase #remy thirteen hadley #prodigal siblings

56 notes · View notes

edwinisms · 2 months

Text

I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.

they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them– a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.

teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.

#random thought but. yeah……#I mean think about if crystal happened to be killed somehow pre-demonic intervention #she would’ve been deemed deserving of hell by the standards we’ve seen. no doubt about it. if the dragon guys were pulled to hell then yeah.#she would be as well. simply put- she was a bully #she was also a teenager. not a fully developed person. a very damaged and neglected teenager at that #it’s kinda like the criminal justice system right. it’s like. hey you really think sending them to be tormented is the most humane and #efficient way to heal these kids of what makes them act out and allow them to grow and improve?#Crystal’s such a good case to look at because she’s. well. to compare to The Good Place which you can probably already tell I’ve watched 800 #times and adore with all my heart. she’s kinda the michael of the group #no one knows it at first but she’s actually kind of a terror to people most of the time. but she’s put in a situation where she #suddenly has a support system- people who care about her and want the best for her- she’s given a purpose and realizes how much better it is #to use her powers to help rather than hurt (well. sometimes helping can involve hurting but you get it)#and by the time she’s regained her memories and has a place in the agency it’s much easier to reflect on her life and be like huh!#this system kinda fucking sucks!#not that edwin wasn’t an example unto himself but he was a ‘clerical error’ not a ‘rightfully’ condemned person #with his situation someone could argue that the problem isn’t with the system being wack as a whole- it should just be maintained better so #these ‘errors’ don’t happen and all the good kids go to their afterlives and the Bad Evil Kids go to hell.#yes yes I know they’re not in hell forever (hopefully) but uhh Simon was still there for over a century and for fucking What?#gay self-loathing and catholic guilt? his intentions were clearly not Truly Evil and more than anything he seems to have been punished using #how much he hated himself for being gay and how guilty he felt for it all. like shit aren’t those feelings enough of a punishment? if he had #lived through that ritual and edwin hadn’t– do you think he would’ve been Okay? I think it would’ve crushed him. chronically #man. anyway #this was an especially long ramble huh #rambling #edwin #edwin payne #dead boy detectives

19 notes · View notes

glindyupland · 5 months

Text

I just think it’s silly that so many people complain about Villain Amaya as “wasted potential” and that “we were robbed” like-

My pals, post canon fan fiction is right there. The desire to free her husband is right there. Either by touching an evil book while being too eager to remember the obsidian oil, or being possessed by contact (ie what she believes is true loves kiss) when trying to reason with him in the dungeon.

We don’t need a rewrite, we can have a continuation. Both can be true. Amaya is a complex character, she can handle it.

#Wish #Queen Amaya #I assume I'm going to get hate for this but like #I know it's not store bought and you have to still make it yourself but also #I'm kind of just tired of seeing a lot of people sh*tting on Wish because it's not the concept art #And I'm kind of over here like how about we love it recognize it has flaws and THEN try to make something new without bashing the OG?#I just love Amaya and she definitely deserves more #but her good character is so interesting and complex #she still knows how to have fun. She still can be sassy or bite.#Like she's still Magnifico's perfect partner you know? and Magnifico isn't perfect?#A truly pure person wouldn't click with Magnifico the way Amaya does...?#I would rather build on Amaya's character than say she can only be good and boring or a villain?#Amaya is so smart yall. I know you can't see it all just on the movie but like she's read every magic book in Magnifico's library #THOUSANDS OF BOOKS.#And knows basic protection spells #She's a devoted leader.#Like.#Idk #She both loves her husband and recognizes that she has to go against him.#She doesn't /turn/ on him. She addresses his flaws and tells him that it's not okay?#She still jokes with him even though she has to put him in time out. She's complex and strong and wise and kind.#And I just hate seeing so many people so quick to just say 'the concept art was better' when like... the idea might be more appealing to yo #But I hate the level of cynicism and pretentiousness I see of people saying their personal ideas of what Wish should be-#-Is better than the piece of media they claim to care about?#Like their personal vision of Wish based exclusively off the concept art is somehow intellectually superior?#And I'm not saying stop doing your rewrites or AU's or anything! Like there's definitely beautiful creativity happening!#I just hate seeing people so negative and like honestly mean. It hurts my heart to see everyone calling Wish garbage?#It's not great but I really really dont think it's as bad as everyone is saying. Like its no like Oppenheimer but it's a children's movie..#Like I personally love the Teens and Amaya #And everyone saying they stink makes me sad... Because they're just great characters?

6 notes · View notes

tenok · 3 months

Text

.

#the thing is. you should believe survivors #also my ex after we broke up tried to go to half of our mutual friend and tell them horrifying stories of abuse he was dealing with #it wasn't even planned smearing campain (I don't think it's his style). he was truly hurt. some things really di happened. some even #happened the way he told it. and some were blowed to 'I went to work with bruises every day' (he was grabbed by hand by other partner once #and had bruises because he was so white-skinned he bruised like from touch)#or how I forced him to live with other man that hated him and turned his life to hell (he forgot to mention that it was my disabled brother #he flew away from our abusive mother as soon as he turned 18 and I gave him shelter. after asking partners to consider this seriously #because it's big commitment. I also stated several times that I'm willing to move out with him if it's unpleasant. also this 'living hell'#was him ignoring my partner completely after he yelled on him several times because as he said he didn't ran away from home #to suffer yelling again)#so yeah. it didn't work that time because my friend actually know everything from me long before my ex came to them #they nodded politely and never talked to him again #but it lingers. and it majes me look really critically at any call out or accusation.#person could be really hurt. really harmed even. and still there could be biases or misunderstanding or any human messiness #it sounds like girl had a horrifying experience. it also looks like she kept illusion of being fully on board and loving it.#was it believably? or he just didn't care #did he pick her because she was young and inexperienced? or because she told him she's interested in bdsm?#did he tried to help her when she was in bad place? or was he calculatingly buying her silence?#was he creepy or was he awkward?#honestly I don't know even... what kind of proofs you can get there #like we have her statement. we have objective thing — texts and vids. we can have Gaiman own statement #so what if he will repeat what stated in messages: it was consensual she literally wrote what she want me to do etc #believe survivors. what if everything she told is true too. but also what in messages are true too #what if she was scared and hurt and also told him yes and more and please master. because people are complicated #would he accused of not reading her mind? would there be charges on not checking enough. HOW WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT #like it's all is ne genuinely trying to understand what's next and how it could be wrapped at all #for the record: even if it was absolutely 💯 consensual and girl like completely lying about everything etc #he's still clearly fucked up and things were messy for a lot of reasons. it's bad!#but there's difference between 'it was rape or coercion' and 'it was poorly planned affair and he should've be more considerate of partners #feelings'. and in any way. hope that girl gets help

3 notes · View notes

neon-vocalist · 5 months

Text

blaise shinryu i will always love you but would it kill you to have an ounce of good vocal technique like…. ever?

#it’s painful #you can tell she’s so proud of herself and i’m sure it’s just because she doesn’t know better #but ohhhh my godddd it just. it hurts so bad just to HEAR #that girl is tearing apart her throat #and she can’t even stay on pitch because she’s trying so hard to be rough and loud so really #it ruins her vocal health AND her singing bc her first cover was not like this #her first cover was actually really nice to listen to but then she tried to push herself further than she was ready for too quickly #and now we’re here #and i know she’s like. really hurt by all the people telling her how bad she sounds and how yikes it all is #but they’re RIGHT this isn’t normal online hating to hate this is. valid points.#idk. i don’t like the direction she’s been going #i was her biggest fan for like. 2 weeks. and then i blinked and 6 months later she turned into uhh. this #and if she’s happy that’s all that matters #but also dear christ woman get some voice lessons before you destroy your larynx forever #sol talks vtubers

2 notes · View notes

nururu · 7 months

Text

wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

#im so glad i learned i had autism #bc...... other ppl control so much of our existence #thinking im a bad person my whole life when in actuality #i was always rejected for my sense of justice #and only accepted if i mirrored triggering behaviors #if i was doing what everyone else was doing it was fine #but if i spoke on my sense of justice i would get rejected #so id try to mirror and it always felt bad #like really bad #i was telling my mom yesterday that #her my dad brother and sister have all done things that #would keep me up at night sick with guilt for the rest of my life #and how i cant fathom how they can live their day to day lives without being burdened with extreme guilt #and she said she just doesnt think about that stuff #i feel guilty for a girl i was mean to once in 2nd grade still to this day #i know every instance in which i hurt someones feelings without a reason and i feel guilt about all of it still #it hurts me so much that id rather fight with ppl who think that behavior is okay #rather than mirror it #but i would mirror stuff sometimes bc it's like “will this make me normal?” and the answer was no #it just made me copy behaviors of bad people who dont have remorse #and that had huge negative effects on me #im glad to know that im not an evil person

4 notes · View notes

ccliffjumperr · 2 years

Text

vent in tags. sorry.

#i need to get a therapist so i can say this all to them instead of whining to myself in the tags #but i dont have one. so.#im not a suicidal person but seeing how uncaring or hateful or indifferent everyone is #to doing the bare minimum of not playing that hogwarts game #it makes me want to kms. it feels like no one cares at all #and i know that isnt true but you know how the brain works. it only remembers and thinks about the bad stuff #or at least thats what my brain does #i cant even talk about this to my mom because she loves hp #maybe once i tell her about the shofar she'll change her mind #but. yeah!!! the fact that so many people are jumping to defend this stupid game #and make excuses just to play it #or play it because it has those anti semetic things in it #it really hurts #screw jkr screw the devs who put the anti semetic plotline in i hope they fucking die #you CANNOT deny they added more tropes to make it more anti semetic #the fucking shofar. are you KIDDING me!#and people are still planning to play it #i want to throw up #tw suicide #jic #delete later

8 notes · View notes

thebigqueer · 14 days

Note

Your breakup really really reminds me of my first (and only) wlw relationship/breakup everything you're saying hits home a lot. You will get through it but tbh it's so hard to heal and it still grinds my gears when I think about her and how we broke up. Idk if that helps but I understand what you're going though

YEAH MAN ITS TOUGH OUT HERE FR!!! its not my first queer relationship but like something about this is genuilnely the most world-shattering romantic experience ive had cuz we went into this soooo head over heels for each other like we were literally moving SO fast. and at the time i was like is it ok for us to even be moving this fast (probs tmi but we were literally making out shirtless by like 2nd time we even made out) (probs not a big deal to most people but i experienced a LOT of new things with her that id never experienced befoer & the fact that i was so WILLING to do it so fast was what surprised me the most) but then i was like okk whateverrr i really like how fast we're moving. and i was like 'damn if were moving this fast & if im feeling so good it has to end soon right like theres no way life is going to let me just be happy w this' and then i was like 'no elts not think about it' and then what do you know 5 months later she brekas up w me. and neither of us did anything wrong but it was so random??? like i dont understand how one moment shes telling me how excited she is to spend the entire semester with me and then literally 36 hours later tell me shes not feeling an emotional connection but wont even give us the chance to work it out. i know she also broke it off for personal reasons but its like... this was something we could have TRIED to work out you know!!! maybe it wouldnt have worked in the end but literally nothing felt off to me at all & if id known she was feeling this way i wouldve done my best to make things better. the entire breakup was so sudden and honestly im really not mad at her because i know how nerve-wracking it is to be in your first relationship. i think its just that im really dispapointed she gave up on us so easily you know??? didnt even give us a chance to figure it out

#sorry you didnt ask for a rant but man im not even going to lie the main reason i even rant about this on tumblr is cuz its so much easier #than talking to my friends #not cuz theyre not kind & underestanding and stuff. i mean just generally ive always been better at saying things by writing anonymously #like i never cry on my friends but this was the first time ive ever done that and even then #every time i tell someone i broke up with her i generally dont feel anything i feel like im just retelling a story #other than that one time i cried on my firend #like its just so much easier ranting on tumblr than telling my friends. also if eel really bad ranting to my friends #cuz i know they care abou tme but also like how much of 'i want her back' are they going to take yk??#every time i get tipsy i start complaining about how much i miss her and these past few weeknds my friends have heard an earful of tipsy me #like i jstu dont wnat to burden them like that #but yeah anyway. i feel you anon this shit is so hard #and i feel like the other thing is when its a hetero-presenting relationship friends find it easier to be like 'fuck him / her!!'#and obviously thats not always going to make the person feel better cuz EVERYONE is complex but in a way its nice feeling that support from #friends. but my dating experiences have always been queer and i feel so guilty any time someone says 'fuck them! youre out of their league'#because like the thing about queer dating is i feel so much more understood and it all feels so much more intimate #and when you cant even get a 'fuck them' from your friends it just feels so alienating in a way #idk how to explain it #obviuosly if the ex is a cheater then its valid to be 'fuck them' but in my case none of them have cheated & theyre both very copmlex peopl #weve all done probelmatic things to each other yk #i think its just like. how am i suposed to get over her when our relationship doesnt feel like it should have ended at all #like it was NOT our time!!! NOTHING felt off or wrong or anything!! i thought we were really happy!!#i think she broke it off in part because she was afraid of the moment things went wrong but man this hurts much worse #cuz at least if things started going wrong it would make SENSE to break it off. but BEFORE things go wrong? this pain just feels unnecessar #anyway heres to hoping my insta stories trying to look hot convince her that she messed up and she should totally date me again #and well live happily ever after for at least a few more months #anon tag #asks

0 notes

weezerlvr228 · 18 days

Note

It's giving the...main character syndrome. like who tf does she think she is??? Y/N???

NO OH MY GOSH ANON. LET ME TELL YOU. LET ME FRIGGIN TELL YOU.

#okay so i need to give her a name. we will call her yn bc she is just so different and quirky and not like other girls #so i haven't liked yn since freshman year (am a junior) because she seemed incredibly pretentious. she has like awards n stuff for this #asian advocation group and tons of other stuff which is GOOD. but she has a tendency to brag and be very cocky about it.#AND YOU KNOW WHAT. IT WASNT JUST ME. MY FRIEND FROM SEMINAR who we will call Pie for certain reasons (her name rhymes with it) AGREED WITH #ME ABOUT YN BEING COCKY! and Pie and Yn are in the same group since they are both Asian and ppl at my school typically hang out w their rac #is that racist? like there's an asian boys group and asian girls group. but it's only asians and white people; but it's weird since a large #portion of my school is hispanic. i dunno WEIRD SIDE TANGENT BUT BASICALLY THEY ARE IN THE SAME GROUPS; RIGHT? so Pie was agreeing that Yn #can be very pretencious; and I'm then like #oh i don't really like her for the cheating stuff she did with Mac (fake name) and how she got #him to basically cheat on his girlfriend“ and Pie says ”oh well Mac started it; but Yn lead him on for over a month while he had a gf #and they kept this going until Yn decided to break things off; WHICH MEANS MAC'S NOW EX GIRLFRIEND NEVER KNEW ABOUT ANYTHING W MAC N YN!#also allegedly according to my boyfriend; Yn was doing homework as Mac was yk DOING it to Yn and she just like... LET IT HAPPEN WHILE HE HA #A GIRLFRIEND. HELLO? and when Yn ends it; he's like “omg but yn... i love you...” “no. i'll only hurt you; if you're with me it'll only hur #uh okay 25k words slowburn vibes.... ANYWAYS so she takes screenshots and sends them in a SUPER big groupchat with 20+ people (including Pi #and my boyfriend) and Pie (who was childhood friends with Mac) called her out saying how it was also kind of her fault for being with a guy #who was in a relationship; but she got super defensive about it. and this same thing happened AGAIN 2ish months later with a girl Jas and #her boyfriend Ben; where Yn was friends with both but basically was emotionally cheating with Jas; leading them to break up; and then she #GOT WITH JAS. HELLO???? WHAT??? and they r still together. none of them talk to Ben even though Yn said they were 'all cool and friends'#SUREEEE GIRL SURE. KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. and Pie called her out on this AGAIN since Pie is friends with Ben and Jas too but Yn got #defensive AGAIN! BC SHE KNOWS ITS A SHITTY THING TO DO! and Pie doesn't really like her because of it and when Pie told me all of that I wa #in shock. because Yn was trying to play the victim in the situation with Mac when she sent the messages to the gc; and tried to do that AGA #N BUT IN THE SITUATION WITH JAS LIKE NO U ARE JUST A CRAPPY PERSON ! and appearently she is SO toxic she was nearly kicked out from a #leadership role at my school's asian pacific islander club or something! like girl WAKE UP! but that's not all; so i didn't know she was #known for going for people who had partners; yet still didn't like her; and last school year (about 4 months ago) my boyfriend got a 'reall #bad haircut' (i thought it was cute; but everyone made fun of him ) and Yn RAN around our campus trying to find him to make fun of him..#like wtf that's so weird and she will post screenshots of their convos on her story and be like 'omg he's bullying me!' when he's being dry #and did that in the gc (this time; i'm in it!) and i crashed out but my bf was apologizing and saying he told her to not post anything but #she didn't listen or something i guess. and sometimes when they are wearing similar outfits she'll post on her story that they are matching #um girl he has a wife and 12 kids. back the FUCK off. and i told him to distance himself from her or set boundries cuz i don't like that n #it makes me uncomfy; so he did which is good! but i still don't like Yn. she is a major pick-me IMO and very two-faced and covers her

1 note · View note

delicatetaysversion · 19 days

Text

it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy

#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists #and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful #she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place #also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow #say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying #so many tours #idk i want #i wish my life was bigger #i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment #what about everything everyone else #i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent #find happiness within hobbies interests #but it feels like a losing battle #i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing #i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy #i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend #i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house #and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working #i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost #always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice #i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september #but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them #and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent #like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life #but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025 #how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever #and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college #but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own

1 note · View note

skrunksthatwunk · 5 months

Text

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

4 notes · View notes

kavehater · 23 days

Text

Oh . . . This girls friend wants to see her win but fatema just seems to always get upset or faults me by pitying herself when I do win (sometimes win is in quotations cause it’s a win in her eyes but it’s torture for me) and when I lose which is always she’s happy about it I think deep down but masks it as comfort and stuff :/