#manifested into one being that seeks to inflict these pains

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

ace/aro-spec convexian cannibalism headcanons

this is what it says on the tin!! I'm basing this loosely off of my convexian cannibalism oneshot fic series, where the fics all sort of slot into the same "universe"

CW: discussion of sex, starvation and cannibalism ahead

SO, I think that Cub, Scar, and Grian are all ace/aro-spec (and autistic but that's not so important here) in my au universe. And I find it fun to explain so I am going to do so.

Note: I am aroace-spec, autistic, and polyam and I am projecting hard. No hate please. Don't like, don't read! ^-^

Grian

An asexual who doesn't particularly seek any kind of sex but is down for whatever if the right person (ahem. Scar) comes along

Way more into sensation-seeking than actual sex acts

His Watcher Powers (TM) make it a lot easier for him to handle pain, after the first few minutes of getting cannibalised his mind drifts off and it all becomes more about Feeling than Pain

He's also accidentally hacked his bird instincts to be kind of into the whole 'being perfect prey' thing

But he doesn't like to mix sex and cannibalism, that makes him uncomfortable - roleplaying as prey or whatever is more like a signal of trust and weird intimate comfort

He likes to 'switch off' his overactive and often stressed brain and just act as prey / food for his partners sometimes - it is a very good de-stressing technique

His Watcher instincts enjoy being the one to Do Cannibalism every so often - this is how he feeds (pretty much only on Scar)

He finds the thrill / adrenaline and sensations of The Cannibalism (TM) really fun, and a way to be intimate without sex

He is not aromantic, but he get embarrassed by most romantic acts

However he will say "I love you" to his partners as a response to them saying it... usually he's not the one to say it first

Scar

Both aro and ace-spec

He has to really really get to know someone before he starts 'falling for' them, and hates the idea of sex with someone he isn't very close to

He's known Cub for a long time and they have a Vex Bond (TM)

With Grian, Third Life really sealed the deal for Scar (though he had a bit of a crush for a while) - he would Vex Bond (TM) with Grian if he could

He's very bad at acting on his feelings, so he waits until someone else says something (usually)

He is, however, outwardly flirty and makes (sometimes unintentional) dirty jokes

He enjoys sex but doesn't require it. It's just another fun thing he can do, alongside the cannibalism. They are very similar to him in terms of enjoyment.

He's also a bit of a masochist, willing to go through a lot to make his partners happy (he has been eaten many times) (and it hurts a lot, but he kind of enjoys it)

Despite the masochism, he still respects his partners' discomfort with sex, and can usually channel the pleasure into something non-sexual if they ask. This usually manifests as vex instincts going kind of crazy

When it comes to cannibalism, Scar is a vex and therefore has to eat other players to survive. He used to starve himself until forced to attack and feed, but after Grian offered to help him, he gained a healthier relationship with feeding

His vex nature comes out when feeding, and he especially enjoys inflicting slow deaths (torture makes vex brain go brr) as well as nesting and 'storing' prey (keeping Grian in a nest for a few days before the cannibalism begins)

He's the most eager to say "I love you" and is very outwardly affectionate. He gets excited to show his love since he feels it quite rarely

Cub

Aroace and has sooo much autistic rizz (well. they all do)

He's mostly grossed out by sex and doesn't want it anywhere near him. Though he finds Scar's innuendos very funny and once in a blue moon he will be down for some messing about

It takes a very special kind of person for him to actually 'fall in love' and he doesnt tend to say "I love you" to many people

Most of the time he seems kind of dry and unemotional but on the inside hes got a lot of feelings

Those emotions show when he gets excited ("LETS GOOOOO") but usually even when happy he seems quite neutral

Grian and Scar are his special people, but even then, Cub is rather awkward with affection and finds it hard to understand his own feelings

With Scar, the Vex Bond (TM) is like a QPR, which helps Cub understand things, but after he and Scar began 'hunting' (see: asking nicely to cannibalise) Grian together things got more complicated and he was hit with an unexpected crush

Which was scary and unexpected because Cub never feels that way about anyone aside from Scar

'Vexes hunt in pairs' is a thing - it makes their instincts very happy and strengthens the Vex Bond (TM)

Cannibalism definitely also helps him get his feelings across without having to talk

Scar was a born vex but Cub was human-turned-vex, and Cub was always quite nervous about the cannibalism thing (so was Scar, but he played it off)

To keep him from starving himself, Scar offered to feed Cub, which Cub accepted reluctantly, but after Scar and Grian's arrangement was established in early season 9, Cub was quickly introduced into the fold

Cub wants to say "I love you" to Grian, even though he doesn't say it often at all

^ It must be made clear that he isn't feeling pressured into saying it, he's just very scared of the words and wants to overcome that fear (as he did with Scar) - it feels strange to admit he loves someone, because it happens so rarely and he feels very strongly about his aroace identity. But he has to come to terms with the idea that he can have love for his special people while remaining solidly aroace.

He also likes the feeling of Grian's feathers #autisticking

[fangsforiris]

Hii again!! I’m back lol, I just wanted to say you’re such a talented writer !! I would totally read any book that you write 4 sure!! (^０^)ノ I’m not sure if there is a limit on how much I can send these submissions, if there is I’m sorry! o(〒﹏〒)o Anyways, can you maybe do headcanons on how Kou, Ruki, Asuza, and Yuma would act when they’re jealous? Take ur time, and have a nice day/evening! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

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Admin: Thank you!! I highly appreciate that, and no don’t worry there’s no limit, I’d just appreciate not spamming continually and just being mindful!! But you’re good so don’t worry!! <3

Side Note: If it’s easier, you can just submit an ‘ask’ instead of pressing submission!!

Mukami Jealousy HC’s

Ruki:

• Ruki canonically does get outward with his jealousy.

• As seen with Yui in his MB routes, he even gets jealous of not being the first man Yui’s tied a tie for. (The first being her adoptive father.)

• He’d leave it off for a moment, but would give crazy hints towards it.

• It would be in the small stuff. Like washing dishes, leaving small things out that may be pertinent, etc. But he'd become cold and a bit distant without that clarification.

• He would 100% wait in private to confront an S/O about it.

• I’d like to think that even with his jealousy, he’s still aware of his image towards the public eye.

• So you would’ve catch him doing anything too risky. Just enough to ensure the point gets across.

• He would, uncharacteristically of him, act in an almost fussy manner.

• Like he’d 100% keep it, and hold it against you for future references.

• Like with some slight fussiness, expect the silent brooding. He will not say anything more after the jealousy, since he tends to keep his emotions bottled inside before it manifests into something greater.

• Don't be shocked if he returns back to old ways with his subtle manipulation to get the answer he wants. He'll remind his S/O of their dynamic- master and pet/livestock.

Kou:

• Kou is also a double sided person when it comes to this, as seen with his reactions towards Yui in canon. (A good display that is universal is the anime.)

• He's very attention-seeking, especially with his time as an idol. So he may act sweet to you in front of a crowd. but behind closed doors he won't shy away from aggression.

• In comparison to all of the Mukami's, he'd have the most outward, emotional outbursts.

• As in, he'd hit, push, shove, and inflict pain upon his S/O, same way he did Yui in many routes, to establish that he's the sole one for S/O.

• His anger may not be as raging as Yuma's, but one can say that they could be at a somewhat equal playing field.

• He'll question his S/O a lot in terms of their truth and true feelings towards him. He'll become much more curious than the cat.

• If anything, the curiosity is rooted in annoyance, mainly to see if he's the one being played or deceived.

• Kou's 100% one for passive-aggressive behaviour. It's all a play and game to him.

• It'll be seen in his off-hand comments, that you'll get the idea of where he stands.

• It's all done due to his underlying fear of losing his S/O's affection.

Yūma:

• Yuma by far has the most explosive anger out of all the brothers.

• His uncanny size and strength is definitely used and in play here.

• Out of everyone, he values loyalty the most, and thus, will be seen as much more 'straight-forward' or blunt with his wants and feelings. Mainly aggression here.

• He'd use his size to intimidate the individuals that are attempting to pursue his S/O, as seen in some of his routes with Yui.

• He doesn't mind getting physical, however it's more so used to intimidate.

• If he does use force, it's to tug and drag his S/O away from the situation or to display his need for his S/O's attention in that given moment.

• But don't be shocked if he does unintentionally, or intentionally, scare his S/O with his anger and possible outbursts.

• He is hot headed and tempered, so sometimes it'll take control before he can find reason within himself.

• Yuma also has his jealousy manifest as emotional vulnerability. It's slight, but he's more prone to find himself revealing more and opening up about himself.

• Either in an attempt to get his S/O closer to him, or due to his own need to express how it makes him uncomfortable.

• He'd use it also as an attempt to be more protective with his protective instincts.

• As in, he'll be around his S/O more. Like standing in line with them when he doesn't need to, being in personal space, etc.

Azusa:

• Azusa isn't the type to get jealous as easily as the others per say.

• If he does, it's much more subtle and it'll go back to his self-loathing tendencies.

• As in, he'll feel worse about himself and perhaps take the self-harm route. Since that's his way of coping and 'helping' with his issues.

• He's much more fragile than the others, so it'll always end with his S/O needing to reassure him of his worth in comparison to other men/women, etc.

• Like he'd constantly compare himself and it would, at the end of the day, make him feel even worse than he already did. Especially with his tendency to overthink.

• Since he isn't as large, assertive, or blunt with himself as an individual, his insecurity will take over as he pleads with his S/O to keep him.

• Cue the hyper-dependency, especially seen with Yui in some of his routes.

• He will beg, and become overall submissive. Expect more of his usual submissive behaviours.

• If it comes down to it, he will become a slave, due to his heavy masochistic side, which at times overrides his sadistic.

• If he were to stay with his S/O, he wouldn't be so confrontational as everything he leads with is laced in self-doubt and worry. If anything, he'd be nervous because he wouldn't ever want to lose his S/O, no matter the cost.

[averageanonymous]

Summary: Crowley reflects on all the things he can not say.

TW: very brief (less than a sentence) mention of abuse.

☆•☆•☆•☆•☆

Sitting alone in his flat, surrounded by his plants, Crowley thinks that he could drown beneath the weight of all the things he doesn't say.

He tries not to dwell on it.

After all, what good does it do?

But sometimes, in the dark and the quiet, he finds himself reflecting, suffocated by solitude, caught in the realization that his entire existence is built upon an amalgamation of half-truths tangled in an increasingly complex web of lies. Their weight rests heavy on his shoulders, every false word leaving a bitter taste on his tongue.

Meanwhile, every true thing he has ever thought or felt is kept on a leash, chained to his heart and left to starve.

It's exhausting.

The way he pretends he gives a single shit about Hell, or Satan - he doesn't. He must play his role, though, and play it well, crafting whatever narrative is required to ensure he will never be required to take up a position back in the dark, stinking Pit. So he does, taking credit for so much of the awfulness that humans inflict upon themselves. Immersing himself in their cruelty, their wickedness, reporting on it as though it were his own cruelty made manifest, and all the while wondering, questioning in silence, how God could have created something with the capacity for such evil.

But he must never speak his loathing for the devil, for damnation, for Heaven and Hell and the Plan, the Great bloody Plan, and never admit the way the suffering of the world and all the people in it hurts him.

And it does hurt.

It hurts every time Heaven turns a blind eye to a hungry child, refuses the prayers of a beaten woman, denies the pleas of a prodigal son.

It shouldn't though. Not for him.

He's a demon, after all, stripped of Grace, damned by God Herself. He had Fallen, burned alive in boiling sulfur, been changed into this cursed shadow of himself. Hadn't that been punishment enough?

It wasn't, apparently. More penance must be owed because he, an immortal being, must watch these humans in their misery, and it hurts. What's worse is that Crowley does not understand Why.

He thinks he will never understand, and isn't sure he wants to.

And even if he could give voice to this pain, this confusion, who would hear him? God's ways are Ineffable, and all the while, Satan laughs. There is no one, no one, who sees, who cares, not the way he is compelled to see and to care.

No one, except perhaps...

Aziraphale.

The sense of drowning begins to become unbearable, sinking deeper, reaching farther. All of the pain of hiding from Hell, of cursing Heaven, of seeing the beauty of humanity dragged through the mud again and again and again by its own fallibility, it is all amplified by the agony of the lie that consumes him most of all: the facade he crafts each and every day as he forces himself to act as though he - a demon - is not entirely devoted, black heart and broken soul, to an angel.

He loves him.

A plain, simple truth.

And it is a torture to pretend as though he doesn't; as though he hasn't loved that angel for over six thousand years. To pretend that the angel is not beautiful, and precious to him beyond imagining. To pretend he isn't a balm against Crowley's brokenness, soothing his pain, easing his confusion, bringing him some semblance of peace.

But in loving him, the web of lies only ties itself tighter, and the loneliness only grows. Crowley knows, he knows, he must not reveal this truth, for both their sakes. And so he forces himself to let the years pass, not seek the angel out too often, not contact him needlessly, not ask him to go to dinner, get a drink, go for a walk, do anything, anything at all, so long as they do it together.

Oh, the way his entire being vibrates with the desire to be near him, though, near him always, his every cell and atom yearning towards him like a light-starved flower towards the sun.

The way he has to physically restrain himself from touching him when they are together: his hair, his face, a brush of fingers or legs or lips.

The way he has to hide his eyes for fear they'll give away the truth in his soul, that he would do anything, give anything, be anything, for him.

The way he cherishes every smile, every laugh, every glance, collecting them like flowers, pressed between the pages of his memories.

The way he dreams of an impossible future where they are together.

Together.

Just the two of them.

Away from all this; from Heaven, from Hell, from God and the devil, from humanity and all its suffering.

He sits in his flat, head in his hands, his plants leaning toward him as though they can sense his loneliness, as though they could help.

In the quiet and the dark, he loves, and he loathes, choking upon his silence, crushed beneath millennia upon millennia of dammed emotions, a reservoir held within the fragile walls of his heart, the pressure building, demanding release, begging for relief, but he will find no catharsis and he knows this.

He knows it

and he drowns,

and drowns,

and drowns.

☆•☆•☆•☆•☆

Thanks for reading 🖤🤍

I imagine this "scene" would happen sometime in the years prior to the Armageddon that wasn't. And yeah, it's literally the opposite of "Because, underneath it all, Crowley was an optimist." But know what? I'm in my feels today, so Crowley gets to be too, and that's that.

[wraith-caller]

Elden Ring and the 5 Stages of Grief

The story around Those Who Live in Death is often characterized as being about prejudice. They didn't choose to be what they are, the game paints the Hunters of the Dead as blindly seeking an enemy to contend with, Rogier says they are in need of saving, and Fia seeks to "stay their persecution". Alongside the omens, the misbegottens, and the albinaurics, TWLID are just another rung on the Golden Order's "not fit for life" ladder of being. But there is another lens we could view this story through, and I don't see it brought up very often. I'd like to suggest that this is a story about death and the very human reactions to it, manifest in the behavior and actions of the characters integral to the Duskborn questline.

🚨🚨SPOILERS AHEAD🚨🚨

Darian - Denial

"Those Who Live in Death fall outside the principles of the Golden Order. Their mere existence sullies the guidance of gold. Tainting its truth. And so it is the vermin must be exterminated... Down to the very last."

Darian is presented to us as someone staunch and unflinching in his beliefs, to the exclusion of all other perspectives. The Order has told him that the dead are vermin, and that's all he needs to know. But it's not just their word he's taken. He's witnessed the bloodshed and pain that the living dead inflict on others, and he laments it. We meet him beside a dead man, killed by TWLID, and he tries to keep us from running headlong into the same fate by warning us away from the Mariner. Darian has only seen the cruelty and the violence of death, has been mired in it as a hunter, and relentlessly pursues an end to it. He is denial, resistant not just to death but to change.

Devin - Anger

"Soon you will know, filthy witch! The wrath of D!"

This one's probably simplest to argue. Devin's singular scene in game is all about gaining vengeance for Darian, and he makes repeated use of the word "wrath". Death has forced its way into his life, first in the face of Godwyn that drives him mad, and again when his brother, the other half of his soul, is murdered. When we meet Darian, his sword is planted in the earth and he is praying for the dead. When we last see Devin, his sword is raised high and covered in blood as he curses Fia's mutilated corpse in anger.

Godwyn - Bargaining

"O brother, lord brother, please die a true death."

Like Miquella, Godwyn is more of a presence that hangs over the events of the game rather than much of an active element within it. It's hard to dredge up much about his character to make this link. But there are some pieces connected to him, such as the quote here from the Golden Epitaph, a weapon made in his honor, which come from a place of bargaining. There is Miquella's desire to bring him a true death, the mourning of the Crone in the Deeproots("he should have died a true death!"), and the desperation of Fortissax to forestall Godwyn's death. Godwyn himself may almost seem to be begging us for relief, his deathroots erupting from underground as cries for help, spreading his face on the backs of crabs and the castle of his descendants so that someone may see him and take notice of his agony, and possibly deliver him from it. While the bargaining stage is generally geared in the opposite direction, begging for life, Godwyn and those few who know of his fate, may know it is too late for that, and so they beg for a true death instead.

Rogier - Depression

"This is unfortunate...Couldn't change a thing."

While Rogier is a character described as concealing his anger, regret, grief, and fear, his aloof bearing is most reminiscent of someone a bit more numb than anything else. Yes he is friendly and polite, but we're told by the game that this is a mask, and it's something not entirely uncommon in high functioning individuals afflicted with depression. He's someone that has lost everything else - the higher purpose a tarnished may find in the sight of grace, his friendships, whatever past he left behind before either dying or being exiled to TLB, even his life. He gives us, a near perfect stranger, his belongings, easily admitting he has no further use for it, reminiscent of the way a dying/suicidal person might start wrapping up the loose ends of their life. All he has left is his research, which, without our help, he'd have lost the ability to continue. Rogier clings to this final thread, hopes of seeing it through to the end, but his parting words to us are about a void he feels himself falling into, something deep and fathomless, and in the end that void consumes him.

Fia - Acceptance

This is goodbye, my dear. But I am satisfied.

Fia's quest revolves around not just the acceptance of TWLID, but uplifting them, mothering them, weathering the blows an unkind world would rain on them. Death is not an idle interest or a vague abstraction to her, but her profession, her purpose. Where Darian looks at what the dead have done and sees violence and blood, Fia sees the meek in need of a merciful mother. Death is not something to be reviled, but embraced. She even goes to her own end with grace and poise, knowing that the creation of the rune will kill her. She is content with her place at Godwyn's side, and readily accepts her end.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I want to talk about a classic phrase for a hot minute, because I think the conversation will be more complex than people give it credit for.

"I don't want to hear any excuses."

I, and many others, are used to hearing this phrase and immediately cowering. It's a phrase that says "you have disappointed me with your actions/inactions and I am unwilling to tolerate that" which is technically a value neutral boundary statement EXCEPT

"I don't want to hear any excuses" is a bit unique. It is ALWAYS said to someone who is experiencing disempowerment. Whether that disempowerment is "I need help to effectively do a thing and lack that help/accommodation but am still blamed for my perceived failure" or "i am presenting barriers to my changing behavior with the intent to make you stop asking change of me" or any number of other forms and manifestations of disempowerment, the person being told that their explanations are excuses is being told this because the other person requires change and we cannot or will not make that change.

And the thing is, sometimes we cannot because we need help to make other changes first. Sometimes we will not because we don't believe we should have to or because it would be too distressing for us in some way. And sometimes we genuinely cannot make the change at all whether we want to or had all the help in the world.

"I don't want to hear your excuses" lumps all these different versions of this conflict in together when, actually, the effective approaches to each are pretty substantially different. It locks the conflict into the dynamic of the people and disallows the possibility that explanations are anything but a speed bump that someone WON'T fuck up your undercarriage if you charge over it at 50mph.

And the underlying tension of that dynamic is that change is hard and requires discomfort which can be easily used to obscure when change is being inflicted vs self-determined, leaving people even MORE resistant to change because they no longer feel able to tell what change is reasonable or within their realm of influence in the first place and often fall back on reacting to discomfort as if it is unilaterally inflicted harm.

On the other side of that though, you have someone who has, potentially, similar emotional experiences of boundary setting who finally gets around to actually asking change of another to meet their needs, only to be constantly met by reasons that change cannot be expected to happen [yet, at all, ever, who knows] and feeling increasingly resentful of how much effort you put into meeting OTHER people's asks and wondering why "excuses are okay when it's my needs" and other painful thoughts.

And on an entirely other side you have the sort of. Compulsion we all develop to justify ourselves to others when we perceive the possibility of failure or rejection because of how absolutely fucked people in our society are when they become "rejected by the herd" so to speak. The fear we feel at the possibility puts a lie to everything we think we know aboutself-sufficiency or social trauma or interpersonal emotional conflict or anything else, because so many of us truly PANIC in that moment of possible rejection and will desperately seek any escape from that feeling of being cornered for excommunication [a feeling that is fascinatingly medicalized by a lot of older and even modern interpretations of Borderline Personality Disorder as a concept]

The one thing medicalization gets right is that the more we justify ourselves to others, and experience ourselves as needing justification for taking up space or resources, the more dysfunctional and distressing our lives become for reasons that we both do and don't have influence over.

That desperation will have us seeking to avoid looking inward at what we may actually have control or influence over in a situation where our choices may have harmed or been in conflict with another, because we cannot square the two truths that we may have fucked up in some way or missed some important context and that we are still people worthy of love and belonging. And somehow at the same time it will have us constantly seeking to control things we can't and "do better" at being worthy of love and belonging because someone has assigned us unreasonable blame and we know deep down that we don't trust our own judgement of what is and isn't "okay" enough to trust that we had the right to make the ask we did or to set the boundary we did. It's the world's most toxic and self-perpetuating catch-22 imo.

The trouble with "I don't want to hear any excuses" is that it simultaneously names [solidifies, makes real] the reality that excommunicated humans suffer and die from their excommunication and we can "earn" excommunication for reasons entirely beyond our control, while denying that a threat has been made, regardless of the speaker's intention.

I don't have the magical solution to this conflict/tension area. Lord knows humans have spent thousands of generations searching for one I'm sure. But I do think it can sometimes help just to think over this stuff from time to time and understand *why* we might feel the way we do about certain interpersonal exchanges.

It's not that doing that will suddenly make you capable of changes you weren't before. But it will allow you to at least start learning to see doorways you might have reflexively written off in the past. Clarifies what choices you may actually have available to you, and how you want to make best/preferred use of them.

The trouble with asking for change from another person is that you never actually have any control over whether or not that change happens. There are choices you can make, steps that can be taken, to influence or reinforce infrastructural access to certain change/choice you want someone to consider. But there's no control over outcome, at least not for the person making the ask. Sometimes we DO need something to change, and the fact that the person we are asking that change of may GENUINELY not be able to do it despite making every effort doesn't matter. We need it to happen. And yet every party involved in that kind of a moment seems to be encouraged to feel ashamed of that possibility. As if it means one, the other, or both of them simply didn't try hard enough.

Why are we so ashamed of how much we need each other to get by? How much trauma around need-meeting must how many of us have endured to develop the blanket of fear around how we experience change and the intractibility of amorphous human nature? Why do we deny our interdependence and fight to be islands within ourselves? When was the last time any of us was actually taught how to change for ourselves, how to resolve conflict without fear, how to communicate and negotiate around our needs?

Are there ways we can extend opportunities of shared growth and learning with each other WITHOUT holding ourselves to account for each other's outcomes? What would it actually look like to heal the fear and the stress of our current interpersonal experiences?

How many of us have actually reckoned with our specific forms of internalized trauma from the past 5 or so years of intense global resource instability, mass pandemic death and isolation, and political fear-mongering? With what it does to a living thing to carry that much stress in its body for that long, what happens to a living body-mind when it becomes sure it is about to die? Beyond the work of crisis response, what proactive, preventative work as organizers are we doing to heal the accumulation en masse of ceaseless intergenerational traumas for a future that may one day escape or become resilient to the infliction of threat against ourselves and each other?

Change was never going to be easy or comfortable, but that doesn't mean that brute forcing your way through distress during efforts to change is anything but harmful to you and the people around you. How do we learn to let our old selves die without doubting the joyous aliveness our next selves will have the opportunity to explore?

[tasmiq]

Jumu'ah Sohbet: 19 January 2024

Subhana'Allah (glory to the Divine) for another providential week at the macro-and-micro level of our worldly existence! Without further adieu, bismillah ...

#1. During our monthly Halaqa (spiritual gathering), where we murids get to practice Rabita (heartfelt connection) and share our insights. Our newly appointed Wakil (Senior trustee) is your Abbu, who was wisely enstated by Shaykha Muzeyyen, who convened this Halaqa. She has equally astutely identified fitting leaders as Khalifa. Shukran Ya Allah (Divine gratitude) for her apt and soulful leadership acumen.

Our Wakil, your Abbu, inadvertently answered my query at its onset, needing clarification as to why we, as Sufis, ought to avoid politics. He referred to how we ought to accept that a plurality of experiences and perspectives exists in the rope and light to Allah. Especially within a Tariqa! We ought to be like As-Shahid (the Witness) and look for the Manifestor in the manifested. Instead of wanting others to comply with our worldview, we must simply get our nafs out of the way so that our focus is automatically on Allah.

He powerfully added an undeniable truth that politics perpetuates power and greed of the nafs, where we are trying to be Allah! Similarly, we have to be wary whether we are trying to be Allah in our responses! Or are we submitting, without taking away the human experience, but where we keep seeking Allah's haq. So whatever is being done incorrectly, we will respond, because there is a Hadith (Prophetic saying) which says we must try to stop a bad action, but if we can't stop it then we should speak out about it and in the least, we must feel the pain in our hearts for its occurrence! That is the Prophetic injunction, but this must not be done in a way where it is hurting the soul of another human being because their essence is also purity and haq!

#2. After Inna's powerful testimony as to how she wrestles her conscience as an original Jewess, but later metamorphosised into a Muslim Sufi. She was led to delete Facebook like me but for different reasons, her out of dismay of the extreme and unapologetic reactions of her cousins, and me out of dismay of my ignorant pre-accident life that unwittingly only celebrated nafs! Your Wakil Abbu beautifully reflected that we continue holding onto the rope of Allah as a community and family. Despite our different perspectives, we choose to be a spiritual family of love, peace, and unity in goodness.

Thereafter, Iliona added a thought-provoking idea that this whole situation with Israel and Palestine has brought her to an existential realisation where every single one of us has in our genetics, the experience of genocide! Every single human is carrying that, and irrespective of the team that are identified as the culprits. The way it can be seen is that it can either inflame one's own genetic pain or it can be treated as a signal to meditate and get over it, if possible. That is because all of our ancestors have done something destructive, and the question becomes about how we put an end to this in our own energy field. That is why we are amongst a family of unity above all else!

Your Wakil Abbu finally reflected that this is a really difficult time for the world, but Shaykh Taner taught us that we are always after the truth. With what is happening around us, are we acting with nafs, or are we acting for truth? What we see around us is human beings' nafs (egos) multipled exponentially, and we're all reacting to the hurt and the pain! We can not shy away from either the pain inflicted by others or responding responsibly, but at the same time, we must constantly search for the Truth, as crafted in my recent poem about the current situation. Shukran Ya Allah, for the blessing of our marriage as a "good cheam," pronounced early on by our late and beloved Shaykh Taner.

#3. After attempting to counsel a distressed and dear Sudanese friend in the depth of worsening national uncertainty, with the following message:

I just want you to know that I observe the Monday and Thursday fast for Sudan and Palestine. I am confident that Allah will relieve the collective suffering at its divinely ordained time.

My father was a freedom fighter who won Bangladesh's liberation from Pakistan. We have lived in war-torn Iran vs. Iraq, we managed to escape economically declining Zimbabwe, and we have lived through numerous upheavals in South Africa!

Please hang in there!

I realised that the reason that I am naturally attuned to political happenings is because my family has been led to overcome numerous political turmoils! Subhana'Allah for the Divine merit of retrospection, where I learned the following:

- Facing political turmoil is taxing, yes, but they can also shape us into resilient beings.

- My respect for my developing country parents mushroomed for enduring the uncertainties of numerous contexts, Alhamdulillah! Even the inherent racism of Denmark where your Nana was after Iran and the racism that we contended with in post-apartheid South Africa.

- Especially that despite the personally arduous passage of time that we each embarked, we have been blessed to realise what we pray for in:

Ya Wadud Ya Salaam Ya Jami Ya Nafi (Allah's loving and peaceful unity in goodness)

#4. 16 January 2024 marked the third year of our worldly separation with the sweet soul of our spiritual brother Fazeel. I was inspired by Mevlana Rumi to reframe my sadness into something more apt and emancipatory. You see, he was a constant feature of my rehabilitation from our accident.

Just as our beloved Shaykh Taner was unexpectedly taken from us, brother Fazeel was equally unexpectedly taken a short time before that. Immediately after both their passings, I reflected with their other halves that I had wished Allah had taken me instead. However, they both compassionately urged me to trust Allah's hikmah (wisdom / rationale) in spite of their sorrow. This was my inspired ode to him:

Above: A beautiful family photo at their eldest's wedding.

Urs of our Fazeel

In Sufic terms, an urs literally refers to a wedding

A union of the lover with the Beloved

Even though our humble Fazeel is not a Sufi Saint

With his deeply caring heart and his family's subsequent resilience

They attest to our worldly parting with him being his Divine urs

Urs is a death anniversary that is commemorated at a dergah

It's not an occasion to lament but to rejoice

An idea taken from the Hadith:

“Sleep just like the bride.”

And the Angels say to the Pious in the grave, “Sleep with restfulness and comfort just like a bride.”

Beyond Fazeel's incredible heart that was thirsty and ever-ready to serve

Is his equally incredible wife who continued and continues growing

All their children were even inspired to take Divine allegiance

Maintaining a connection to their beloved Daddy

Above all to Al-Hay, as the undying, ever-living, and eternal

#5. Shaykh Anjum reflected on the definition of being considerate, which is "putting others first before ourselves." It was identified as a key requirement for all Sufis as we wrestle with several questions ...

- Will this action bring people together or be divisive?

- Will it be a source of gaining humility or a source of boastfulness?

- Will it clear any assumptions or perpetuate them?

- Will it make people aware or further their ignorance?

- Will it make people appreciative of their bounties or nurture selfishness?

I marvel that when I am least able-bodied and thus less able to be distracted, it is when I can be the most considerate of other's perspectives and experiences of life. Subhana'Allah to reaping the rewards of refining ourselves as Sufis and hence becoming considerate. Anything contrary to this indicates a lack of consideration, being self-centered, ignorant, and caught up in Nafs-al Ammara (at the mercy of one's commanding / impulsive / prompting lower-self).

In conclusion, deep gratitude that your Wakil Abbu reached the cyclone affected shores of Mauritius safely. Insha'Allah, our Mauritian spiritual family, remain safe there, and your Abbu returns to our hearts:

Ya Muhaymin Ya Hafiz

Ya Wadud Ya Salaam Ya Jami Ya Nafi

[moved-accounts-btw]

break for wolcott and midnight for theo pls

Interesting, Interesting. [Wolcott: Break.

Insolation within her amulet triggered a complete loss of her sanity, primarily exacerbating her claustrophobia. Among the siblings, William stood out as one of the more resilient and cunning ones, adept at evading punishments and outmaneuvering Adam during their upbringing. However, this prowess led Adam to forcefully confine her in the attic for an agonizing two-week period, especially when Mikael wasn't around to intervene. Her fear of being trapped in a confined space and forgotten haunted her, though fortune favored her when the twins were born, requiring her services as a babysitter.

Previously, William grappled with a toxic mindset: any failure she encountered brewed the belief that she would face retribution. The source of this punishment could emanate from Adam, Mikael, the council, or often, from her own self-inflicted standards. The uncertainty of when or how the retribution would manifest perpetually tormented her.

Pre-transformation, William would retreat to the farthest corner of a room, anxiously bouncing her foot. Known for experiencing silent panic attacks and shutdowns, it became imperative to monitor her closely to prevent self-endangerment. Initially, she engaged in self-destructive behavior as a means to feel alive, to garner attention, or as a form of self-punishment, which gradually ceased after a near-fatal encounter with an anomaly.

Post-transformation, her anxiety and meltdowns led to stress eating, an act that eventually shifted her mindset, granting control to the insects within her. They began consuming anything in their path—trash, decayed items, even corpses left behind by rampages or anomalies. Consequently, her insect companions grew increasingly hostile, perceiving her breakdowns as threats to their nest.

During quieter moments of breakdown, she sought solace in the company of her teammates, including Iceberg, viewing them as a surrogate family during lengthy missions. Although instances of these breakdowns were witnessed by others, William endeavored to conceal them, aware of the lack of pride associated with such episodes and unsure of how to seek assistance. Their coping mechanisms remained unhealthy, having been previously met with dismissive attitudes or indifference from teammates. Presently, William finds comfort in the company of individuals like Kondraki, Clef, or Gear, content with merely sitting alongside them during these vulnerable moments.

[Theo: Midnight

His depression often keeps him awake during the quiet hours of the night, contemplating the twists of fate that led him to be a mere tool, enduring the relentless agony of each passing day. His existence seemed to be marred by unending suffering, inflicted by the kind of pain that could drive a person to the brink of madness. It's a life robbed by his father's selfish desires, stripping away any semblance of a normal existence or the chance to pursue a career in teaching.

In the midst of these nocturnal ruminations, he finds himself daydreaming about the prospect of marriage and fatherhood, only to be haunted by the fear that any child he might have could inherit some form of anomaly, perpetuating the cycle of suffering.

During these trying times, he reaches out to Talloran for advice or resorts to consuming copious amounts of weed to attain a mellow enough state to finally find sleep. Talloran and Draven stand as Theo's pillars of support, yet sometimes, they're either occupied or asleep, leaving him to grapple with his struggles alone. Unapologetic about his use of weed as a medicinal remedy, he vehemently defends its therapeutic benefits, even going as far as pleading to consume edibles. However, this often results in intense cravings, leading him to consume substantial amounts of snacks, devouring ten bags of chips before finally succumbing to slumber.

When these remedies fail, he reluctantly seeks refuge in his sister's or sibling's quarters, knowing that one of them might be awake or willing to offer him their bed for the night. Despite lacking shame in this matter, unlike his sister William, he feels a tinge of guilt, understanding that seeking comfort in their beds should be a last resort.

[dailycharacteroption]

Class Feature Friday: Pestilence Bloodline (Sorcerer Bloodline)

(art by catspiderart on DeviantArt)

 If the past few years have taught us anything, it’s that plagues are no joke. Thankfully, however, the diseases we have to deal with are not magical in nature.

Indeed, whether it be the horrible creation of some deity of disease, the result of magical mutation, or something else, sometimes fantasy settings get diseases that resist even magical means to cure them. Worse still, some have supernatural symptoms that range from compounding suffering even more to creating zombies, and so on.

Such illnesses are the sort of thing that adventures can be designed after, and the body count of them sets the stakes for who needs to be protected, be it the rest of a city’s population, or the other nations entirely.

However, despite the odds, sometimes people survive such mystical maladies, but some are not entirely unchanged.

Whether they were born to mothers suffering the plague, survived infection early on, or simply were born around the same time, some sorcerers were awakened by a magical disease.

Some may still harbor a benign form of the same illness inside their body, while others may be mystically empowered by the concept of disease itself. Regardless, they may seek to inflict their suffering on others with their magic, or they may struggle against the nature of their powers, turning them against the wicked, but avoiding most people due to the nature of their powers.

The physical manifestations of this bloodline definitely can reach into body horror territory, with the most subtle perhaps having a persistent cough, while others perpetually suffering from advanced symptoms of an illness without consequence, bearing sore, pustules, lesions, and so on.

Regardless of how it manifests, these sorcerers sport some nasty, debilitating powers they can turn against their foes.

 The spells associated with this bloodline include those that control animals and vermin, several summoning spells for swarms of vermin, blighting foes with disease and necromancy, and even bringing down death with a word of power.

Meanwhile, the techniques they tend to favor include brewing potions, being especially tough and self-sufficient, being familiar with the natural world, and silently casting spells, befitting a person who likely lives like a leper.

With the power of their bloodline arcana, these mystics are able to manipulate vermin with magic as they might an animal, bypassing the defenses their simple minds normally afford them.

Channeling the power of the magical illness that triggered their sorcerous power, these sorcerers can cause a severe reaction in foes with a touch, causing them to break out in pustules, lesions, and sores, debilitating them with the pain and ill feeling such things often bring.

Naturally, sickness does not affect these mages overmuch, a resistance that slowly grows into a total immunity to sick feelings and the harmful effects of disease, though such illnesses can still be carried by their bodies.

They also exude an aura that causes swarming vermin to treat them as one of their own, allowing the sorcerer to walk among them and even give them direction while within the swarm. Even when not in such a swarm, such insectile friends tend to crawl over them, their many bodies providing a small amount of protection.

More powerful individuals are able to enchant their breath with infectious elements, exhaling a foul miasma that inflicts two common diseases on foes, immediately affecting them.

The most powerful among them are able to channel a disease into their touch or weapons which mimics one of the most insidious and foul magical diseases out there: mummy rot.

Debilitation is the name of the game with this bloodline, both in terms of the negative effects of their diseases and disease-like spells, but also in the swarms they can summon and direct. Don’t forget they also can use mind-affecting spells on vermin too, allowing them to turn such creatures into useful allies as well. Naturally, you should probably pick spells to further debuff foes and control the battlefield, but don’t forget to add some variety for other situations as well.

 The baseline assumption with this bloodline, narrative-wise is that they seek to inflict their illness on others. Perhaps they grow to view their illness as a blessing that must be shared, or perhaps they wish for others to suffer as they have. Both are viable options for villainous characters. But what about those that rise above such things? Who view their illness not as a dark blessing? They might reject their powers, only using them when necessary, or even quest to remove them or at least change the nature of their bloodline. Others may take a more philosophical view and come to accept their powers without using them for evil. Some may even become healers, specializing in walking among the sick without fear of infection. Even then, they may have trouble being accepted by those who understand what they are.

  Though they are perhaps the last pure ones among their kin, the caligni are not free of the corruption of shadow that afflicts all Dark Folk. There is even talk about a new leader among their kind, a rising force who treats the curse of the owbs and the forgotten gods as the disease it is, mastering magic of both pestilence and shadow…

 Dark and insidious, the Lord of Countless Children, a dark god of disease and infection, has turned his attention to the wilderlands of Vemath, where he has planted the seeds of his latest blight, one which he will send forth with the help of corrupted satyr apostles to every fey court and mortal province they can reach.

 A place for the desperate that no other house of healing will accept, the House of Gray Gauze is ruled by a masked healer who constantly wears full-body coverings, and uses magic to bolster the internal fortitude of his patients, helping them to recover under their own terms. Rumor has it that he was once the victim of the Tannivar Blight, who dedicated his life to protecting others from similar afflictions.

[reeinrem]

A Thirst To Suffer; The Inclination To The Tragically Beautiful

“Man, the bravest of animals, and the one most accustomed to suffering, does not repudiate suffering as such; he desires it, he even seeks it out, provided he is shown a meaning for it, a purpose for suffering. The meaninglessness of suffering, not suffering itself, was the curse that lay over mankind so far.” - Friedrich Nietzsche, “On the Genealogy of Morals”

      I believe that my pain is what makes me a good person. For years, I've clinged on to my illnesses and sufferings knowing that they're the part of me that taught me survival, unconditional love, and the nobility of self-sacrifice. This led me to desire the very thing that may kill me - a dagger to my heart yet a badge of honor that I so badly want. The blatant irony of this yearning made me question my own intellect; what do I find beautiful and noble in the act of suffering and despair? Am I truly that desperate to be a paragon of self-sacrificing womanhood? 

     Although feeling alone with my thoughts, I was surprised to find out that this desire to suffer actually has its roots in early history. In his book titled “On the Genealogy of Morals”, Nietzsche states that the concept of ‘good’ was originally synonymous with the traits that aristocratic nobles possessed, such as bravery, wealth, strength, and physical health. He also cited etymological evidence - ‘gut’ being German for both ‘good’ and ‘man of godly race’. From this aristocratic framework of goodness, the concept of evil and bad emerged as the opposing traits of this ‘good’, which are the ones that are closely related to the traits that the common people had. Eventually, the common people constructed their own morality system of bad and good. To them, evil was associated with all the traits that aristocrats possessed and praised; wealth, power, and pleasure were now defined to be evil. Consequently, their version of good is the exact opposite of their bad. To be good is to not yield power, wealth, and strength, as manifested in a great multitude of religions today. To make it short, Nietzsche claims that human beings purposely subject themselves to pain in order to be considered a good person.

     Each of us are aware that suffering will always be relative to our humanity - almost as if it is woven in our DNA. Thus, to experience pain is inevitable, but to inflict this pain upon ourselves gives us a sense of control and self-mastery over our existence. Not only that, we solder moral values in self sacrifice and suffering, giving meaning to our pain. In Victor Frankl’s Logotherapy, the will to meaning is humanity’s main motivation to live, and to endure suffering. This suggests that suffering ceases to be suffering in the moment that meaning is tied to it. 

     I won’t deny that the fractures in my soul make me feel special. I admit that I view my pain to be poetic and beautiful as a way to cope with how much of it has eaten me alive. Everyday I offer myself like a cake to be cut and devoured by those I love; because maybe then I’m not only damaged - but rather a shattered mirror of nobility and devotion. I run away from worldly pleasures in hopes of being an instrument of goodness in this world. However, I’m starting to realize that I’m seeking misery and sacrifice in order to provide myself the happiness I’m willing to give to other people. This act of self destruction that is at once gratifying is a form of sadism that I can’t seem to escape. After all, my pain is what made me a good person, and through it I’ve learned to overcome the greatest shadows by letting the light seep through the cracks of my fragmented heart. 

[tarotlogy]

SWORDS HEALTH INTERPRETATIONS

*With Any The Reversed Swords Cards, it can be an indication that the Health Condition Relating to that Particular Card, is in its very Early Stage (is incubating beneath the surface but has not manifested in the Physical just yet), is in the Final Stages or has been Blocked from developing any further and is losing Power. It can also suggest that the condition is not as bad as it is made out, or first thought to be. Surrounding Cards will need to be consulted.

This is a tricky one to Decipher but often becomes Clearer when a Second Reading is done off the back of the First Reading where the condition/s is originally discovered. It takes time and a lot of Practice.

Upright Ace – Virility, Male Fertility, Conception, Strong Spine and Neurological System, Good Posture, Accidents Caused by Sharp Instruments, Surgery, Beginning Medical Treatment or Hospital Attendance, Healthy Mental Faculties, Clear Thinking and Good Memory, Thinking About Your Health.

Reversed Ace – Impotency, Low Sperm Count, Also can suggest Conception (Check Surrounding Cards) Emergency Surgery/Surgery Unnecessary or Cancelled (Check Surrounding Cards, or  Injury by a sharp instrument, Sharp Pain, Stabbing, Migraines, Mental Confusion, Forgetfulness, Memory Issues, Spinal or Neurological Damage.

Upright Two – Coronary Blockages, Not Being Aware of Health Issues, Trying to Ignore Health Issues, Not Telling Others about Health Issues or Diagnoses, Difficult Decisions around Health Possibly in relation to Serious Surgery, Migraines, Eye Infections, Blindness, Stiffness in Upper Body, Paralysis, Warding Off Infectious Diseases, Withdrawn, Mental Distress,Fear, Get a second Opinion

Reversed Two – Natural Defences or Immune System Down, No Escape from Surgery, Coronary Problems, Facing the Truth about Health Issues, Admitting You are Unwell, Migraines Clearing or Intensifying, Mental Distress being Treated or Intensifying, Fear, Blindness or Recovery of Eyesight, Condition could benefit from a Second Opinion

Upright Three – Coronary Health Issues, Angina, Illness, Surgery, Trauma, Grief being Repressed/Expressed, Depression, Unable to Cry, Morbid, Stress, Wounds from Sharp Instruments, Sharp Pain, Psychological Issues Affecting Physical Health,

Reversed Three – Condition not as Severe as first thought, Surgery Unnecessary, Recovering from Surgery, Continued Illness, Receiving Grief Counselling, Tears being Released, Healing beginning to set in, Pain or Injury inflicted by another, Violence Mental Chaos/Breakdown,

Upright Four – Mental Exhaustion, Mentally Overwhelmed, Severe Stress, Seeking Counselling or Help, Stress Causing Illness, Unable to get out of Bed, Paralysis, Unable to Face the World, Taking to the Bed, Illness, Hospitalisation, Surgery, Emergency Dept., Committed to Psychiatric Unit, Intensive Care, Isolation, Coma, Refuge Centre, Retreats for Health Purposes, Becoming a Recluse, Hospices, Being Laid Out, Working with the Dead or Dying, Close to Death, Attempted Suicide (Check for Surrounding Cards)

Reversed Four – Slow recovery from Illness, Coming out of a Coma, Coming Out of Isolation/Intensive Care, Off The Critical List, Near Death Experience, Insomnia, Out of Body Experience, Benefiting from Counselling or Psychotherapy, Emergency Treatment Successful, Mental Stability improving/Worsening, Mental Breakdown/Collapse, Insanity, Not Following Doctors Orders or Pretending to. Not Following good Advice, Being Released from Psychiatric Care (this may be too premature depending on surrounding cards)

Upright Five – Violence, Aggression, Bullying, Mugging, Attack, Assault, Rape, Murder, Kidnap,Injuries from Stabbings, Pain both Mental and Physical, Mental/Physical Cruelty, Sociopath, Control Freak, Abuser, Psychopath (mentally unbalanced person if Reversed Magician or Reversed Sword Courts involved), Warped Personality, Surrendering to Disease or Illness, Acute Stress, Fear, Taking Action,

Reversed Five – Funerals, Mourning, Mental Exhaustion or Breakdown, Relentless Attack, Serious Contagious Disease, Revenge, Serious Violence, Brute Force, Bloodshed, Serious Personality Disorders, Criminal being Committed to Psychiatric Unit, Not Heeding a warning about danger or a Dangerous Personality, Putting Yourself at risk of serious harm, Self-Harm, Taking Action. With The Reversed Five of Swords, whatever potential Health Situation either begins to heal or gets worse. Surrounding Cards need to be taken into Consideration.

Upright Six – A slow Healing Setting in, A long journey to recovery, Try not to rush the Healing Process,  Coming through Serious Surgery, Psychological Issues Need to be Dealt with and cannot be Ignored, Making Efforts to get Well, If a Death is indicated then a gentle passing is suggested, Coming to Terms with a bad Diagnosis, The Slow Process of Grief,Mental Stability Returning, Feeling Less Stressed and Anxious, Weary and Exhausted but relieved that the worst is behind you, Taking a Vacation for Health Purposes, The tendency to quit Counselling or Psychotherapy before you are better, Thinking  you have dealt with all your Mental Health Issues. Psychological Baggage.

Reversed Six –   Diagnosis of ill-Health, Choking, Drowning, Boating Accidents, Realising you are far from recovered, Old Health Problems Returning, Relapses, Relapse may be worse than the Original Condition, Not out of The Woods yet where Health Issues are concerned, Being Re-admitted to Hospital, Severe Stress and Anxiety Returning, Feeling you are Mentally Going Under, Child Abduction

Upright Seven – Acting on The Professional Advice of Medics or Counsellors, Finding a new Approach to improving your Health, Reading books on Health and Scouring Websites to see how others are curing themselves of Disease and Ill Health, Being Proactive in Regaining Health, Making a Real Effort to get Well, Being Self-Disciplined and realising that the only one who can really help or change your Health issues is yourself, Deciding to Change your whole Lifestyle in order to Heal. Having to do it all on your own. Putting together  your own recovery plan,

Reversed Seven – Warnings or Advise about Health go un-heeded, Trying to Fool others that you are sticking to your diet or treatment plan, Going back to your old ways, Breaking a Diet, Finding Excuses to not follow a treatment plan, Buying all the Health Books and DVD’s but not following their advice,  Signing up for The Gym but only going once or twice. No Self-Discipline or Staying Power, Attack or Assault by a mugger or burglar, Accidents caused by Failing to Pay Attention, Not Looking where you are going, Carelessness and Clumsiness causing unnecessary Accidents

Upright Eight – Depression, Confinement, Claustrophobia, Hospitalisation, Mental Confusion, Delusional, Chronic Pain/Suffering, Stiffness, Trapped Nerve, Hallucinations, Paranoia, Fear of Illness, Anxiety, Fear, Paralysis, Blindness, Eye Infections, Migraines, Hysteria, Major Psychological Problems, Negativity, Pessimism affecting Mental Stability, Powerless, Need Professional Help, Kidnap, Tightly Controlled Life, Bullied, Can’t see a way out of Your Health Problems, Feeling Condemned to Suffering, Feeling Trapped by a Diagnosis.

Reversed Eight – Accidents, Mental Depression, Fear, Danger to Physical Health, Thinking of Suicide as being the Only Way Out, Having to Endure Chronic Health Problems, Counsellors and Psychiatrists beginning to make a Break Through, Getting the Help you Need, Coming to Terms with a bad Diagnosis, Mental Health Improving, Effort to Change Negative Attitudes and Pessimistic Outlook, Being Released from the care of your Mental Health Professional, Standing on your Own Two Feet, Eyesight Returning, Rehabilitation for Paralysis beginning to work, A worsening of any condition experienced in the Upright, Fear, Relapse of Condition, Mental Paralysis, Psychologically Overwhelmed, The need to be re-hospitalised, Unable to help yourself, Giving Up, Surrendering to  your Illness and Fate.

Upright Nine – Suffering, Mental Anguish and Torment, Mentally Overwhelmed, Grief, Loss, Mourning, Crying, Fear/Terror, Victim of Bullying or Violence, Confined to Bed, Not Wanting to get Up, Agoraphobia, Sick with Worry, Dread about Health our Test Results, Terrible Diagnosis, Guilt, Abuse, Miscarriage, Termination, Clinical Depression, Mental Breakdown, Hospitalisation, Sleep Disturbances, Insomnia, Physical Pain at Night, Migraines, Neurological Conditions, Eye Infections,Dreadful Loneliness, Insomnia, Exhaustion, Nightmares, Hearing Voices, Trying to Cope with Illness on you Own, Not Telling others how Bad things are, Bullying, Women’s Health Issues, Menopause, Night Sweats, Hormones causing feeling of Illness or Instability, Severe Paranoia, Refusing to Eat, Hypochondriac,

Reversed Nine – Insomnia, Sleep Walking, Sleep Deprivation, Night Terrors, Hysteria, Severe Depression, Sinking Lower, Psychosis, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, Severe Paranoia, Fear of Everything, Feeling Under Constant Threat, Morbid, Negative, Pessimistic, Fatalistic, Doom and Gloom, Self-hatred, Self-Loathing, Self-Harming, Bullied, Abused, Suicidal Tendencies, Giving Up, Mental Collapse, Loneliness, Justifiable Fears about Health and Physical Safety, Coming Out of Depression, Seeking Professional Help, Hospitalisation, Sharing or Talking about your worries, Coming Clean, Regaining Mental Stability, Fears Unfounded, Getting The Support you need, Accepting and Coming to Terms with a Diagnosis.

Upright Ten – Being Afflicted with Health Problems, Ill, Back Problems, Spinal Injuries, Paralysis, Feeling you Cannot Go On, At Death’s Doorstep, Too Much Suffering, Chronic and Severe Pain, Being Run Down, Chronic Fatigue, Disabled, Paralysis, Blighted, Not Being Able to Go about Your Daily Routine, Mental Depression, Mental or Physical Collapse, Breakdown, Hitting an All-Time Low, Hospitalisation, Assault, Attack, Injuries from Violence, Stabbings, Bullying, Looking for Attention, Making Out you are Worse than you are, Martyr/Victim Mentality, Paranoia, Hypochondriac, Won’t Help Yourself, Waiting to be Rescued from your Situation, Health dragging You Down, Wanting Out or it all to End, Suicidal Thoughts, Feeling Persecuted.

Reversed Ten – Some improvement in Health, Recovery, Seeking Help for Chronic Back Problems,  Acupuncture, Osteopathy, Chiropractor, Taking Action, Not letting Your Health Get The Better of You, Fighting Back, Surviving a Serious Illness or Accident, Victim of Assault, The Worst is Over, Being Given a Second Chance, Changing Your Attitude towards Health, Taking Responsibility for Your Health, Pulling Yourself Together, Recurring Health problems, as in back, Chronic Fatigue, Relapse, Over exaggerating Your Health Problems, Collapse of Immune System, Near Death Experience, Unable to Survive, Suicidal Thoughts, Severe Paranoia, Hospitalisation

[m0tel6mxzzy]

y’all i’m just saying if u have an illness that often manifests itself in maladaptive coping mechanisms like depression or an eating disorder the best thing you can do is not create a blog that rationalizes your behaviors. bc 1. u may be jaded to it, but your are in a lot of pain and unable to thus understand the fact this is no way to live 2. you end up pushing that mentality to others, but more specifically when u cross tag ed promoting content as some sort of chaotic aesthetic integral to your being and otherwise publicly take that lightly. at that moment you’re choosing to tell others that the action of relapsing with such dangerous behaviors that can kill you is something funny, quirky, and romantic.

bc i can say full stop, stuff like sh and eds are addictions. it’s one thing to have them and want to vent and there’s ways to do so without bringing up numbers bc it also doesn’t help you to define your worth by that. but then it’s another thing to promote your behaviors as acceptable by creating motivation to remain sick.

sh recovery is possible. ed recovery is possible. and you don’t even need a recovery centered blog for that, i recovered from sh in a year (hard shit!!!) and the best thing for me was not defining my progress by focusing on it being perfectly palatable for an online audience. if you notice your ed/sh addiction thrives off online exposure, it would be best for you to take a break from social media to recover.

or hell, start a new blog and move away from that community that allowed you to harm yourself and encourage the same for others. does not at all have to be related to what you’re trying to recover from. just make a more neutral space for yourself that allows you to recognize the beauty in the world, like a poetry or photography blog. something positive if you still want to be online.

literally i was on this blog the entire time and seldom ever mentioned my sh recovery besides milestones i made such as my hospitalization last year, and being a few months and 1 year clean. a lot of healing looks silent but feels loud. the progress toward self-advocacy and learning that you don’t need to inflict pain on yourself to live has a face, and it glows. you have to learn to be alone with yourself and find ways to not harm yourself. and learn that you’re not special for suffering, you’re special because you’re you and no one else. and that involves trying to seek help.

[awesome-luciano-blog]

Embracing Boldness: Defending Your Mental Well-being Amidst Adversity

In a world often marked by challenges and setbacks, summoning the courage to stand firm against the tide of mental anguish is an act of immense bravery. Whether the source of distress emanates from within the confines of our homes, the circles of our friends, or the corridors of our workplaces, the wounds inflicted by adverse environments can penetrate deep into our psyche, leaving scars that linger long after the pain has subsided. Yet, in the face of such trials, there exists a potent remedy: boldness.

Boldness, within this context, transcends mere bravery; it embodies an unwavering commitment to safeguarding one's mental and spiritual sanctity from the deleterious effects of toxic relationships and surroundings. It signifies the acknowledgment of one's threshold for suffering and the refusal to remain passive in the presence of those who seek to inflict harm.

Within the familial realm, mental anguish often finds its genesis in strained relationships or environments teeming with emotional manipulation. Whether it manifests as parental disapproval or sibling rivalry, the toll exacted by such toxic dynamics can be profoundly debilitating. However, exercising boldness in this arena entails the establishment of firm boundaries, even if it entails navigating conflict. It necessitates the fortitude to assert one's value and demand reverence, even when the perpetrators are those closest to us.

Among friends, the sting of emotional distress may arise from gossip, betrayal, or subtle acts of hostility. It is easy to feel powerless amidst such social intricacies, yet boldness empowers us to confront these adversities head-on. It compels us to vocalize our dissent in the face of injustice, whether it targets us directly or others within our social sphere. It encourages us to prioritize authenticity over conformity and cultivate relationships that nurture and uplift rather than diminish and drain.

In the professional arena, the pressure to conform to toxic norms or placate overbearing superiors can erode our mental well-being. Nonetheless, exhibiting boldness in this realm necessitates a refusal to compromise one's integrity for the sake of appeasement. It involves advocating for our needs and welfare, even at the risk of professional repercussions. It demands the recognition of our inherent value and the rejection of mistreatment or exploitation.

However, perhaps the most pivotal aspect of embodying boldness lies in recognizing when it is time to disengage. It involves prioritizing our mental and emotional health above all else and summoning the courage to sever ties with those who perpetually undermine our joy and self-worth.

In essence, embracing boldness amidst mental distress signifies a reclamation of power and agency in circumstances where we may have previously felt powerless. It entails refusing to be a passive casualty of our own suffering and actively pursuing avenues to shield our minds and spirits from those intent on inflicting harm.

So, if you find yourself ensnared in a labyrinth of negativity and anguish, remember that you possess the capacity to break free. Embrace boldness as your armor against the adversities of life and never forget that you are deserving of love, respect, and fulfillment.

[intensivetherapyretreatsbe]

Intensive Therapy Retreats: Recovery for Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors

Breaking the Silence: The Importance of Talking About Child Abuse

Intensive Therapy Retreats in Beacon is taking a bold step to address the unspoken pain of child abuse survivors and the profound impact it has on their mental health. Intensive Therapy Retreats is shedding light on the transformative journey toward mental health wellness in a world where the burden of silence often overshadows the path to healing. This article explores the significance of breaking the silence surrounding child abuse experiences, emphasizes the healing power of sharing one's story, and introduces innovative therapies that provide hope and recovery.

The Weight of Silence: The Hidden Impact of Child Abuse

Keeping child abuse experiences hidden can inflict profound emotional and psychological scars on survivors. It becomes a heavy secret, buried beneath layers of shame and fear. Intensive Therapy Retreats recognizes the emotional toll this silence exacts, manifesting in persistent anxiety, guilt, shame, and fear. The retreats provide a safe space where survivors can break the silence and begin their journey toward healing. 

The consequences of silence extend beyond emotions. Survivors often find it challenging to trust others, form meaningful relationships, or seek support. Self-esteem can erode, leading to difficulties in valuing oneself or believing in one's worthiness of happiness and love. The weight of unspoken pain can also result in self-destructive behaviors. Intensive Therapy Retreats understands the far-reaching effects of silence and is committed to helping survivors regain control of their lives.

The Power of Sharing: Overcoming Isolation through Connection

Intensive Therapy Retreats recognizes that one of the most remarkable aspects of breaking the silence surrounding child abuse is the transformative effect it has on survivors. Speaking about their experiences can be incredibly liberating, dispelling the feeling of being alone in their pain. By sharing their stories, survivors may discover others who have walked a similar path, forging connections that provide newfound strength and empowerment.

Sharing one's story is an act of self-validation. It acknowledges the pain endured and validates the emotions carried. Intensive Therapy Retreats's therapy sessions provide survivors with the opportunity to confront their past, process their feelings, and release the burden of shame and guilt. This acknowledgment is crucial to the healing journey, enabling survivors to embrace growth and recovery.

Holistic Therapies for Healing

Intensive Therapy Retreats employs a comprehensive approach to address the aftermath of child abuse trauma. EMDR aids in desensitization and reprocessing traumatic memories, reducing their emotional impact. IFS explores the inner dynamics of survivors' psyches, helping them understand and heal the various parts affected by abuse. ART provides an expedited path to resolution, offering relief from emotional pain. These therapies empower survivors with the tools and strategies for long-term healing and personal growth.

The Path to Healing: Taking the First Step

Choosing to Attend

Intensive Therapy Retreats acknowledge the significant decisions survivors make when choosing to attend a mental health retreat. It represents their readiness to confront the pain of their past and embark on a transformative journey towards a brighter future. These retreats are designed to cater to survivors' specific needs, providing a supportive environment where they can share their stories without fear.

The Safe Environment

Intensive Therapy Retreats prioritize safety, comfort, and well-being. Understanding the daunting prospect of opening up about child abuse experiences, these retreats are crafted as safe havens, free from judgment or reprisal. Compassionate staff members are dedicated to supporting survivors every step of the way.

Affordability

Intensive Therapy Retreats believes that quality mental health support should be accessible to all, regardless of financial constraints. These mental health retreats for young adults offer a cost-effective option, ensuring survivors can access the help they need without worrying about exorbitant expenses.

Seeking Help

Intensive Therapy Retreats recognizes that seeking help is an act of strength, not weakness. Survivors are encouraged to reach out to professionals who specialize in trauma recovery. Therapists and counselors at the retreats are available to provide expert guidance and support, helping survivors navigate the complex emotions and challenges tied to child abuse trauma.

Breaking the Silence

Intensive Therapy Retreats reinforces the transformative power of breaking the silence. Survivors can confide in trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals, embarking on a powerful journey of self-validation and transformation.

About Intensive Therapy Retreats

Intensive Therapy Retreats stands as a beacon of hope and healing, offering an affordable mental health retreat tailored specifically to young adults who have experienced child abuse. These retreats, lasting from 3 to 5 days, bridge the gap in mental health support, providing a safe and nurturing environment for healing. Intensive Therapy Retreats in Beacon employs innovative and evidence-based therapies, including Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), to help survivors regain control of their lives. Contact them at (413) 331-7421 to schedule a consultation with their therapists to understand more about their mental health and wellness retreats.

[tasmiq]

Jumu'ah Khuthbah: 28 July 2023

Ya Shakur (Divine gratitude) that we have been made to taste the sweetness of the Tilt Table, your Ammu's new therapy device, funded by your Nana - Alhamdulillah! Along with the sweetness of the beginning of healing after a bitter happening in our inner social circle.

ABOVE: My current star Physiotherapist waving at my past legendary Physiotherapist, who I gratefully surrendered to support her husband's move to Australia. Allah entrusted me with two souls that I connect with, beyond health care - Subhana'Allah!

#1. I couldn't help feeling emotional as Anne declared naturally happens during this time, closer to the 10th of Muharram or the Day of Ashura. With my miniscule challenge, Alhamdulillah, I could feel closer to Husayn RA, his family, and his supporters' pain, also at the hands of fellow Muslims.

#2. Shaykh Nishaat continued to project haqq (truth) when he said that Allah does not seek our knowledge but our sincerity! We must try and understand that we came into the world with a purpose. Are we reflecting and manifesting that purpose? Do we realise the deeply endearing Hadith Qudsi reality; where our eyes and feet become Allah's, how does it manifest into a reality? It is so that we can have a meaningful and real relationship with Allah.

Then, the royal Ghoor was made to humorously reflect on a conservative mode of Islam, which he was initially drawn to, until he was freed by Sufism. In summary, unlike conservative modes of Islam, we were told that we must understand, then live the lessons, and only then share as the ideal form of jamaat (community, group or assembly). We were reminded about another beautiful insight that we are striving for by ascertaining our unique purpose, and that is to know our Rabb (Lord).

#3. Shaykh Taner next reflected a personally discovered insight without his initial direction, when he spoke about Hazrat Husayn and his supporters who were martyred on the 10th day of Muharram. If we keep demonising the people that did this to them, it perpetuates negativity! We have to turn it around ...

It's Allah's business what He does to the original offenders, but may Allah guide their children to the straight path too. In our lives, we must pray for ourselves and our "enemies" too. Similarly, I have been observing our Tariqa's Positivity Prayers for everyone in my past and present, whether they have been a source of light or darkness, seeking collective guidance and forgiveness for all! Subhana'Allah for this palpably felt "rope", or connection to Allah through Sufism!

#4. He then delved deeper into the necessity of the Positivity Prayers. He explained that our Sufi job protocol is to transform negativity into positivity. How do we convert negative occurrences into positive outcomes? By our actions and prayers!

Being with Allah is staying positive, and choosing Shaytaan is veering into negativity. Negativity and positivity are both kinetic energy, and we can enact both with intention and action. Channeling positivity instead of negativity certainly allows more productive use of our energy in life, Ya Shakur!

#5. Anne finally declared undeniable truths where when we are with Allah; that is the ideal but our free will is shaping our world too, for a short time. So it is smarter to surrender our free will to Allah, to see what He will do through us!

She also reflected upon a personally realised miracle of the moment where I have time and energy to learn, live and love Allah - like never before, and because I am an accident survivor! She said that when Allah wants us to do things, we will be happier if we just hang in there ... The art of living is through connection.

This connection has sustained us through the uncertainty inflicted by our inner social circle. Shukran Ya Allah for creating a definite and real purpose in us, as grateful Sufis! Onto your Abbu's Arabic Khuthbah, bismillah...

[dxrknessembr8ced]

With Hsien-Ko's mental state worsens while becoming a lost soul beast from being torn apart mentally, consumed by the darkness, the guilt and the nightmares of the atrocities she has done to innocent lives more of them appeared across Metro city. The night is full, and the eternal suffering from everyone in this apocalyptic hell is ripe and sweet for the entire city become overrun by paranormal entities that nobody knows where they all came from but ones thing for certain is that these creatures aren't darkstalkers, nor are they denizens from makai. These monsters represented some parts from the jiangshi's poor twisted mind and everyone else's like pain, suffering, anguish, murder, executions, betrayal and all the horrible things everyone including Hsien-Ko endured. These horrific anomalies purpose to inflict the pain and the suffering as they did and they enjoy it, they enjoy inflicting their suffering onto the poor souls who come across their path and no matter how hard they try they will keep coming back as the suffering is stronger than ever.

These creatures appears in all shapes and sizes and range from individuals and or beings resurrected from the dead to turn into ghost, vengeful spirits not only doom to wonder the earth or seek vengeance and kill anyone that have done this to them and the rest are physical manifestations, metaphors and symbols to represent all horrible things humanity has endured especially the mental illness and worse yet the hallucinations and anomalous activity occur to break anyone's mind down to the core, inflicting so much damage to their physique making them see and hear things that aren't suppose to be there. Be it human or darkstalker or even bio organic weapon, there is nowhere to run or hide they wanted nothing more but to kill and inflict as much suffering as they can for this is their time for the cold winter will rain blood and the nightmare truly begins.