#and i love them dearly so i do ENTIRE SECOND VERSIONS of my art

[marcmorrigan]

scarless alt of my cover art for my mellodramattic playlist

[talas-starlight]

Killing me softly - Sokka x reader

SUMMARY: Having only heard good things about Sokka, you always wanted to see how great he is for yourself. When you finally get the opportunity, you struggle to find him as funny as everyone said.  

This is based off the song killing me softly by the fugees which you can listen to: here! or there is a version by zhavia: here!

I strongly suggest you listen to the song because I think the whole vibe you get from it will get you in the mindset for this (and hopefully distract you from how poorly this was executed AHAH)

WORD COUNT: 2.6k

WARNINGS: angsty vibes. tried to have a hopeful ending but idk if it worked lol. poor writing skills.

A/N: ahA I really couldn’t get this idea out of my head so here we are! most certainly did not do this concept/ song fic justice to the way I imagined it but lol this shit low key hurted my feelings but also tried to turn it around? Idk I think this is okay?

KEY: words in-between dividers = lyrics MY MASTERLIST: here!

I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style And so I came to see him, to listen for a while And there he was, this young boy, a stranger to my eyes

You knew nothing and everything about him all at the same time. Hakoda allowed you to join them as they recruited people across the nations to prepare for invasion day. In doing so, you unknowingly signed a non-verbal contract to hear all the stories and jokes about his son, Sokka. Of course, he spoke highly of his daughter, but there was an unrelenting sense of pride and joy that came with hearing about him.

“You’ll really enjoy speaking with him y/n. He can take any dull or sad moment and turn it into something that will make you laugh beyond your years. He’s been through so much, but he’s become the warrior I knew he was always destined to be.”

It was impossible not to want to meet him. You wanted to hear the stories in the flesh as he became the light in the darkness of this war.

Yet when he finally boarded the ship with his friends after Ba Sing Se, that’s all he became, a story. As a mechanic and strategist, your time was booked to the brim, building upon the plans Sokka created himself. Somehow, you managed to have interactions with Katara and Toph, even Momo, but being in the same room as Sokka? Impossible. You weren’t avoiding him by any means, and neither was he, it just seemed that even when confined to the space of a ship your duties dragged both of you into different directions…. Until now.

Finally having time to relax as you finished reviewing a draft for one segment of the invasion, you made your way mess hall in a desperate search to consume any food you could get your hands on. Walking in, Toph perked up at feeling your presence when entering the room. Considering you were always busy when working on something and she was not too chatty, you got along well with minimal conversations and comfortable silence.

You grab a bowl, filling it to the brim with fresh soup and sat at their table across from her. Feeling content as you feel the soups warm and wholesome scent fill your senses, you glance around to see who else is sitting at the table. Eyes zeroing in on Sokka’s frame at the other end of the table, your breath instantly hitches. Suddenly your face feels as warm as your soup, and you want to kick yourself for letting yourself be so affected just by your incredibly short glance at him. Shifting your focus back to your soup you make the painfully obvious decision to focus all of your attention towards it, only listening to their interactions around you. You reminded yourself that you didn’t truly know him, only what everyone else has told you. You knew better than to let yourself become a total fool for the Watertribe boy without having any proper interactions with him. Hence, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t at the edge of your seat in anticipation to see Sokka joke around and tell stories with your friends. After all, that is what you were told about from the moment you met his father.

Strumming my pain with his fingers (one time, one time) Singing my life with his words (two times, two times) Killing me softly with his song Killing me softly with his song Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly with his song

The excitement quickly dissipated when he began to dive into this evenings’ jokes and anecdotes.

“Guys! You wouldn’t believe it!! I was exploring the ship after training today, and I found all of these Fire Nation scrolls about their art and folktales in one of the rooms, and let me tell you, it’s a load of shit!”

As everyone laughed, you momentarily stopped breathing. Your entire being began to fold into itself, terrified at the prospect of him taking all of the things you favoured about your childhood and rip them to pieces.

Katara attempted to see the light in his statement. “Come on Sokka it can’t be that bad! I mean even the Watertribe has some questionable stories, I remember even the one Gran Gran told was a bit-“

“No, Katara! This is by far soooo much suckier than those stories. Okay, so there’s this one about dragons right? What happens is that there’s this Dragon Emperor who becomes bound to a mortal’s body by a Dark Water Spirit. So obviously! I was expecting this super cool battle or revenge plot, but in the end, they turned it into this lame love story where the Dragon Emperor falls in love with a mortal who turns out to be the Dragon Empress!”

“Aw I think that’s sweet! I mean surely there would have been a battle with the Dark Water Spirit so it wouldn’t have been a total loss?”

“Ugh, Katara! You don’t get it! It's just… sooooo oogie! They shouldn’t have done that. It should have been a story about battle, and warriors! I mean come on, that’s all the Fire Nation is good for right? Destruction and battle. So why did they have to ruin that story like that with all of that lovey stuff?! It just seems like nothing good can ever come out of the Fire Nation.”

Taking another mouthful of the soup, you kept your face downward as everyone laughed at Sokka’s exclamation of hatred for the nation you grew up in. No one knew where you grew up there except Hakoda, and you liked it that way. In complete fairness to you, it wasn’t your entire identity since your mother was from the Earth Kingdom, and you only spent the first seven years of your life there. But that didn’t mean it hurt any less when he tore apart the only things you dearly loved as a child.

Toph sensing your discomfort as you didn’t join in their amusement, she swiftly diverted the conversation into a new direction. While you were grateful, the thought of being in his presence any longer made you want to cry. It clearly didn’t work either as he continued to joke around about the food and other small things he picked up about the nation throughout their journey. Silently finishing up, you didn’t say a word or even give a half-hearted smile as they all laughed. Placing your bowl in the sink, you headed straight to your room.

The actions made everyone at the table confused, yet no one spoke out about it. Afterall, no one really knew you personally, nor did they understand what caused you to cut your interaction with them so short. Sokka himself became particularly curious. Afterall just like you, he heard many great things about you from his father, admiring your kindness and work ethic from afar. So, to say he wasn’t hurt that you chose not to stay longer or even crack a genuine smile, would be a lie.

Making it to your room, you took out any piece of paper or a scroll you used for your plans and began to pour out your pain onto to pages until you passed out from exhaustion. Not caring what contents were on the other side, you allowed yourself to be unfiltered.

You knew Sokka didn’t mean any harm; everyone laughed. He became the light you oh so desired to witness for yourself. Deep down, you knew you would have laughed too if it weren’t for the fact that he took the few happy memories you had with your father and set it on fire. A fire that produced the light you wished to see… but it seemed it wasn’t in the right way you hoped for.

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd I felt he'd found my letters and read each one out loud I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on

You sighed as you finally finished fixing the pipes in the lower decks of the ship, once again tired and done with today’s work, you went to the mess hall for a late dinner.

“Hey Hakoda, I finished the plumbing problem so no one on the second floor should have any troubles now.”

“Thanks, y/n! You really are such a valuable person in this team. You’re always making sure everything is up and running.”

“Of course! What would you do without me? After all, let’s not forget how I spend my free time with your invasion plans.” You joked.

Turning your back to him to scoop some food onto your plate, he spoke up from behind you. “Oh right! That reminds me, I mentioned your ideas to Sokka earlier, and he seemed to really like them! But Sokka being Sokka, he got so excited over them and asked so many questions I didn’t even know how to respond. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know he’s probably at your desk analysing all of your scrolls right now. That kid never seems to be able to contain his excitement.”

“Yeah, that’s oka-“abruptly, you dropped your plate as your brain processed the information. If he was looking at your plans, then that meant……

Not even giving the Watertribe chief another glace or end to your response, you ran. Taking the fastest route to your room, everything in your mind and your surroundings became blurred, and you became hyper-focused on the fact that Sokka probably found what you wrote about him. Desperately trying not to cry as you bumped into people in the hallways, you couldn’t think of anything worse to happen in this very moment. The very idea of him knowing how you felt about him as well as how his words affected you made you want to scream. Maybe if you got there in time, he wouldn’t have read enough to understand your feelings fully. But when you bust through your door, it was too late. Sokka stood near your desk, with all the scrolls you ever wrote on scattered around the room. Some lay on your bed, the floor, across the desk, and even one in his hands.

“M- my dad said that you had a lot of perfect ideas for the invasion. B- but I- I found… I never thought…” His eyes never met yours as he continued to read the current scroll in his hands.

You slowly approached him, not caring as you walked over every word you wrote on the floor. “Sokka…” You silently begged him to stop reading, unsure of its contents.

He kept reading clearly in shock at the words before him, “why didn’t you s-say something?”

You sighed, somewhat unsure of how to approach the situation. “It’s not my place –“

He threw the scroll to the ground, finally looking up at you with bloodshot eyes as tears streamed down his face. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S NOT YOUR PLACE Y/N! It is your place! You had… no, you HAVE every right to say something! You sat there that night as I picked away at every single thing you ever loved, and you didn’t say a thing! Why would you let me do that to you!” Sobs wracked his body, falling to his knees in front of you. Torn apart on the inside about how much he hurt you. He never wanted this to happen, not just because of his small crush on you- that didn’t matter at this very moment. The very idea that he hurt someone who was so kind and selfless as a person, ruined him.

Beginning to feel immensely guilty for his current state, you knelt down to his level. Placing your hands to his wrists, you gently moved his hands away from his face. “Sokka… hey, Sokka look at me…”

As he looked at you, you struggled to keep your composure as tears began to fill your own eyes.

“It’s okay. What you said hurt, I don’t need to explain that for you to know it. Even though it felt like a small dig into who I am as a person and what I grew up to love, it’s true. What the Fire Nation did, what they are doing is awful, but I can’t speak up to defend them. I am in many ways apart of them. I grew up there, I celebrated their holidays, cooked and ate their food, and read their folktales. As much as I hate what the words ‘Fire Nation’ symbolises to the rest of the world, to you, it’s a part of who I am. No one can take that away from me, not even myself. Despite how much it hurt me, I can’t get mad at you or anyone because your feelings, and everything you said, is valid.” Moving his arms out of your grasp, he wrapped himself around you, holding you close to his chest.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to hear that, you’re amazing y/n. You deserve to be treated with the kindness and love you give to everyone on this ship. I’m sorry. I was wrong. I’m going to be better, I promise. I promise.” Overcome with emotion, the tears you tried so hard to hold back burst at his words.

Strumming my pain with his fingers (one time, one time) Singing my life with his words (two times, two times) Killing me softly with his song Killing me softly with his song Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly with his song

Neither you nor Sokka bothered to move from your intertwined embrace on the floor of your room. You were both a sobbing, crying mess. The pain from both of you suffocated the air around you as you cling onto one another for forgiveness.

Forgiveness for being from the very place that caused him so much pain.

Forgiveness for being unable to embrace so much of who you are.

The pain was unrelenting as he weaved his fingers through your hair, shifting so your noses’ and foreheads against one another as he whispered words begging for forgiveness. Wishing, praying, to the Spirits he could take it all away. Sokka’s heart burns from the raging pain that has awoken inside of him. He doesn’t stop running his fingers through your hair almost as if he can stroke away the broken pieces inside of you, looking for new ones underneath so he can start again. Because despite his resentment for where you came from, he knows that to him, you are like a divine angel. You both have your own complex and conflicting backgrounds of life, but he has a desperate desire to care for you in a way he will never be able to explain.

You wanted to lie to him. Say it didn’t hurt, say you could forget. You could do it easily, but you wouldn’t. Knowing you both suffered enough, you didn’t want to do something that could potentially cause each other more pain. This was enough. As you both continued to cry, holding one another with his hands still in your hair, you leant back slightly, bringing a shaky, tender hand to his cheek.

Looking up into his eyes, it’s awfully evident how much pain swims in his beautiful shades of blue. Yet, there seems to be an unspoken understanding as you see a small glimmer behind all the tears. The light you have been yearning for. He sees it in your eyes too. Neither of you can change or take back what’s already been said, but in this very moment there’s hope. You know you can move forward and heal together.

“We’re going to be okay.”

A/N: hi friends!! I hope you liked this one 😊

TO THE TAGLIST: hi all! i was a bit torn on what to do here because i wasn’t sure if you all only wanted to be tagged in my zuko series or my other works as well?? so im so sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged in this so please just let me know if you’d only like to be on the list for the series, zuko, sokka or other characters in general :)

TAGLIST: @slythergirlimagines​​ @mangoberry43​​ @eridanuswave​​ @whiskeywinter89​​​ @kaylove12​​ @simplyfandomish​​ @khaleesi-of-assassins​ @callums-keith​ @ilovespideyyy​ @calciumcow​ @blackhood5sos​ @nnon-it-up​

[hogwartsfirebolt]

Hi again! This is part two (out of three!) of my 2019 drarry fic recs. In the first part I recommended ten of my absolute favorite stories I read this year, and here I am today with ten more that I also love dearly and hope you’ll enjoy too. The banner art is by one of my FAVORITE ARTISTS, @aceveria-art who was kind enough to let me use their art for this and just LOOK AT THAT STUNNING PIECE (here’s the link for you to reblog if you want cause omg). Now, in no particular order, here’s some of my

FAVORITE FICS I READ IN 2019 PART TWO

1. Of Wands and Trees - Omi_Ohmy - 45k - All Draco wants to do is be a wandmaker, but to do so he needs to understand the soul of trees. Of course, the only man who might be able to help him is the one man who is more of a mystery to him than any tree.

We’re starting out this list with this absolute gemstone of a fic. It’s got everything: adventure, redemption, cabins in the middle of nowhere, a spin on the kind of magic we’re used to in this fandom, ancient trees, passion, wandlore, Draco being forced to work for his own food, Harry bathing naked in streams (my mouth’s watering as we speak), and it’s so, so good, the writing, the characterizations, the setting so vibrant I felt like I was standing right there. Just, a gem all around.

2. Take Into the Air (My Quiet Breath) - guardianmira - 11k - Draco is dying of Hanahaki Disease. Serves him right, Harry thinks.

This fic felt, to me, like something completely different from the eighth year fics I usually read, and, having found it by accident, it absolutely blew my mind! I did not expect to love it as much as I did, and I definitely did not expect to feel it as deeply as I did. Just the right amount of angst to give us that sweet, sweet relief at the end. Very lovely.

3. We have a Problem - @xx-thedarklord-xx - 3k - Weddings tend to have a variety of things happening at one time. With a groom as meticulous as Draco, Ron expected nothing to go wrong. When shenanigans, walkouts, disasters, no-shows, and a lack of food strike, it’s up to Ron to save the day.

SO SWEET. Just so, so freaking sweet and funny and different. Ron’s POV was fresh and lovely and so clever, and the plot is hilarious and engaging. It reads so quickly that you will barely feel time passing, and I am 10000% sure that everyone’s bound to adore this. It’s just one of those fics. I cannot recommend it enough. It will be the absolute best 15-20 minutes of your day.

4. Foreplay - @lqtraintracks - 6k - Getting a raging hard-on on the duelling room floor, pinned under Harry Potter’s sweaty body, is not how Draco saw his day going, but… Well, here he is.

Mmfffff. Can barely think about this without having to fan myself, because it’s probably the hottest fic I read all year. Aurors sparring, a Harry who is unbelievably hot, a Draco who tries but simply can’t resist him, showers, a bit of semi-public sex, and the very literal definition of “not safe for work” can be found in here. Just, goodness, it should’ve taken me half an hour to read it and it took about one because I KEPT STOPPING TO BREATHE. Lqt never fails to deliver powerful, incredibly sexy stories and you should all go see for yourselves what I’m talking about.

5. Safe Words - felix_atticus - 26k - Draco discovers his husband has been keeping a secret from him. At first he’s amused. Then he’s curious. The problem? Harry’s always had a hard time saying no.

Speaking of powerful, this one here stabbed me right in the chest and twisted the knife, but in the absolute best way possible. It’s FANTASTIC. The writing is beautiful, the characterizations astounding, and I felt every single emotion so deep inside me. It paints how difficult it is to navigate trust, how impossible it feels to put our own wants and needs over what’s expected of us, explores consent in so many different aspects of life and just presents a beautiful relationship at its core. It really is gorgeous.

6. Upstaged - @lettersbyelise - 3k - West End actor Drake O'Malley starts receiving fanmail from a (not so mysterious) stranger.

The epistolary format already makes this stand apart from our usual fic, but the plot itself is also something I hadn’t ever read before. It’s written so smoothly that it reads like a dream, and I loved every second of it and how it allowed me to build up an entire picture of what was happening with each letter. I’ve gone back to it two or three times just to experience it all over again, and I always have a great time when I do. This is so lovely, witty and just different.

7. Pure Imagination - @aibidil - 14k - An eighth-year tale of depressed happiness, reluctant imagination, and conflicted hope. And skateboarding.

My god is this fic lovely. I spent about three quarters of it clutching my chest because I loved it so much, I love these kids so much and it hit me right in the feels to see everything they go through after the dust of the war settles and they have to figure out their place in life. This is hope in a jar, it’s that light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel story that becomes a metaphor for life itself. A beautiful, beautiful ride.

8. Poor Unfortunate Souls - @doubleappled - 19k - Draco is a potioneer. Harry is trying to save his sex-challenged marriage. Everything is a mess, but at least there’s an octopus in the lobby.

Chaotic, unique, HOT!!! The whole set up is brilliant, Draco’s work is very interesting, the scenes where we get to see with Harry and Ginny are so incredibly well done that my jaw fell to the floor a little, and what can I even say about the entire buildup we get for Draco and Harry’s relationship, it was MASTERFUL. This fic is absolutely amazing and the ending is so good I can still savor it when I remember it. Go check it out, right now!!!

9. Weather With You - @quicksilvermaid - 29k - Flood. Heatwave. Cyclone. Epic storm ready to rip London apart? Something strange is happening to the weather inside the Ministry of Magic…–Featuring magical creatures, Harry wearing minimal clothes, a snarky snake, and Draco Malfoy who is definitely Up To Something.

This story is such a fun ride that can, at times, be absolutely freaking hilarious (the whole “He Is Up To Something” narrative never fails to crack me up), and at times become sweet and tender. There is nothing more relatable to me than a Draco who wants Harry so much he doesn’t even know what to do with himself, and it was a joy to read him here, and actually, both of their characterizations are so fantastic that they definitely feel like an extension of what we know about them to begin with, and I just had the best of times watching them work their way out of this mess. Sprinkle in a bit of parseltongue, witty snakes and shirtless Harry, and you’ve found yourself the best way to spend the evening.

10. A Sword Laid Aside - @korlaena - 128k - When Draco’s cover is blown during a deep undercover operation and the Ministry is compromised, Ron takes Draco to the only safe place he can think of—Potter. Hiding out with a taciturn Harry Potter, who has been missing from the Wizarding World for almost two decades after a shocking fall from grace, is nothing like Draco thought it would be. Draco has to navigate dealing with this Potter while being hunted by Dark wizards and wanted by extremists in the Ministry. When things take a turn for the worse, Draco has to decide whether he’s going to keep running or find a way to protect the world and the people he cares about most.

There are so many things I want to say about this one, so many little details that drove me wild and I want to mention but I just… I- this story is absolutely MIND BLOWING, it’s deep, it’s amazing and frankly extraordinary and I don’t even know how to tell you how much I adore every single word of it. This must be one of my absolute favorite versions of Harry that I’ve ever read, his immense power, his internal conflict, pain and sheer physicality made me weak in the knees; Draco’s characterization is also so heartbreakingly spot on that I could barely believe what I was reading. This story gripped me, squeezed me, spun me around a little and then put me upright again, and there is honestly nothing like it. I haven’t even told you anything about the plot, which… omg. There are no words to tell you how much you NEED to read this. Just typing this is making me want to embark on this adventure again. — I have no excuse for the amount of Harry thirst to be found on this list, I just- well. I really hope you like these little gems! Hahaha. If you do end up reading any of them and want to chat about them, or have questions about any tags or warnings that might worry you, my DMs are always open!!! Enjoy ❤️

[newcolonies]

Someone You Loved

A/n: Here we are, another fic for the books. So basically, Ethan comes back from the Amazon, and Casey (mc) is quite angry about the matter. Here is my version of how the confrontation went down! Enjoy! 

Also a BIG thanks to @aylamwrites and @caseyvalentineramsey for pre-reading and making sure it wasn’t complete trash!

Tag list:  @openheart12 @queencarb @junehiratas @lilyvalentine @kaavyaethanramsey @tsrookie @caseyvalentineramsey @rookieoh @trappedinfandoms @lion-ess24 @rookiemarsswiftie @schnitzelbutterfingers @aylamwrites @laiba-the-person @starrystarrytrouble

*If you would like to be added or removed from the list just let me know.

Wordcount: 2,539

*All characters involved in this story are owned by PB

Title inspiration: Someone you loved by Lewis Capaldi

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Ethan walked into the hospital, he could feel his body shudder as the automatic doors welcomed him inside. The air was cool and crisp, the smell of cleaning products lingered heavily. He took in a deep breath, allowing himself to fill his lungs with this familiar smell. It smelt like home.

“My son, welcome back! How was your stay in the Amazon?” Naveen asked as he walked up to Ethan. The old man had a large grin plastered on his face. Ethan had been gone for two months, but he still had missed Naveen immensely. And due to the poor cell phone reception, the two haven't talked at all since he had been away.

“It was amazing,” he began, “it was quite the learning experience, I may add. It brought a new perspective to our job.” Ethan wore a large smile on his face. He had already begun to miss the Amazon. He had come to love the area and the people that he met during his stay. “How have things been while I was gone?” 

“Everything ran quite smoothly! Though-” Naveen said his smile slowly fading into a serious grimace. “Ethan, I don't mean to be rude but you should go talk to Casey. She has been considerably down after you left,” he said in a deep whisper. “She hasn't quite been herself since you left.”

A pang of guilt washed over him, he had tried his best to keep that name out of his head. Hearing her name sent a shiver down his spine. Ethan left without saying anything to Casey, not even a single goodbye or explanation. He knew that she would hurt, but he still felt the need to leave without saying a single word to her. After all, the whole point of going to the Amazon was to reset the relationship with Casey to a professional level once again, and saying goodbye would have made it more difficult for him to finally leave.

Though Naveen was right, she deserved to see him, she deserved to know why he left. “Yea, I should. But I don't know if I can face her, Naveen.”

Naveen lay a hand on the young doctor's shoulder. “Son, you must face the things you believe you cannot do because that is how we grow. Go easy on her, explain how you are feeling, and why you left.”

Ethan nodded his head. Naveen had reassured Ethan, he felt confident, although he knew that every bit of confidence would disappear when he saw her. “Thank you, Naveen.” he offered him a brief smile to show his thankfulness for the old man. He assumed that she had been in the diagnostics office, most likely hunched over a file. The walk to the office felt like a mile. Nurses and doctors greeted him and welcomed him back as he walked. He felt everyone's eyes burning holes into him, making the trip feel impossibly longer.

Soon Ethan was standing at the door of the office. The nerves began to build up inside him, he felt like a rag doll. He knew this was going to go badly, but it had to be done. He swung the door open and walked in, allowing the door to shut loudly behind him.

“Oh, hey Baz,” she said without looking up from the file in front of her, “I forgot to ask, but can you take these files to the front desk,” she said, grabbing a stack of papers from the desk and looking up at the doorway, her voice trailed off. “Ethan?” she shook her head in disbelief.

“Hey Casey,” he replied, pulling a hand through his thick hair, he shifted his weight uncomfortably. He felt suffocated, like the walls of the office were closing in around him leaving only him and Casey alone in a cramped room, together. “How was the Amazon?” she roughly said.

“You knew that I went to the Amazon? How?” he asked, confusion laced in his voice. He only had told Naveen that he would be going on the trip, but of course, rumors spread like a wildfire around the hospital.

“It's funny you should ask that,” she gestured towards the chair across from her. “You may want to take a seat.” Ethan nodded and sat in the seat across from her. He didn't dare to look her in the eyes, so instead, he glanced at the files she was looking over. He could only make out the word cancer, but everything else had been too small for him to read.

“Well, when I noticed you had been gone for a while I had started to worry. So immediately I went to Naveen, who of course told me that you had gone to the Amazon.” Casey sputtered, a small smirk developing on her face. Ethan looked up from the table and met Casey's eyes. Despite the smile she wore, her eyes told a different story, one that read of sadness and anger.

“Casey, I should explain-” He began to say. Knowing that he was the reason that Casey had been broken, made him feel shallow. He managed to hurt the ones he loved, and it seemed to be a task that he had done often. Maybe, he wasn't cut out to be in a serious relationship, maybe he was destined to be a grumpy doctor that pushed people an arm's length away. Ethan often doubted himself, but this was the only doubt that he truly believed. If he were, to be honest with himself, he knew he didn't deserve her, he knew that she could do better than him. But sometimes the truth hurts too much to be addressed.

“Ethan, I believe that you should have explained two months before now. You left without telling me, not one goodbye, not one text, not one call. You left me in the dust questioning if I had done something wrong or if you were alright. Ethan, I have been nothing but miserable these past two months. And it's all thanks to you,” she roared arrogantly. Small tears began to pour out of her eyes.

“Casey, there's a lot of things I should have done differently, I know, but I did this for you. I did this, so we would have a chance to reset before whatever this is,” he said waving a hand between the two of them, “got out of hand. We crossed a line, and I can't allow that to happen again.” he said quietly, he was trying to remain professional. He hadn't wanted to let on that he was hurting as much as she was.

He had contemplated coming home every day just to see her, and hold her in his arms. The only thing he had wanted to do was see her, but he had to stay strong and resist the urges, for her sake.

Casey gave out a small laugh, “We have to stay professional, but only when it's convenient for you, Ethan. You continue to lead me on, and then cut me loose whenever you feel guilty or overwhelmed by us. I can't keep playing these back and forth games with you. You either have me or I walk out of those doors and you can forget about anything we ever were.” she protested.

All Ethan had wanted to do was pull her close to him and hold her for the rest of eternity, but instead, he just sat there. He hadn't wanted it to come down to this, but if he had to lose her entirely to secure the safety of her job, then he was willing to do so. But God did it hurt.

“Fine, if that's what you want, then I'll respect that,” Casey murmured breaking the beat of silence between them. She grabbed her bag and headed towards the door. Ethan could hear her small sniffles and gentle sobs as she walked towards the door. “I hope you're happy,” she said and walked out of the door letting it shut behind her. He was everything but happy, he felt as if he had just been hit by a wrecking ball. He felt destroyed, he felt useless. He had just let the one he loved walk out of that door. He just let it happen.

Ethan sighed and slid his glance over to the piece of paper that she had conveniently left behind, no doubt she had done it on purpose. He reached for the paper, and unlatch his glasses from the hem of his shirt and began the tedious task of looking over the file. The name at the top read Kyra Santana. Ethan propped his head on his hand and continued reading through the file.

Kyra was one of Casey's best friends, she was skilled in the art of getting on Ethan's nerves due to her flirty personality, and her willingness to risk everything without a set plan had stressed Ethan out. But she was a genuine and kind woman, a perfect match with Casey's personality. But unfortunately, that same woman, the woman that everyone loved dearly, was dying. Ethan stared at the words on the file until they turned into a blur. Not only had he left Casey, but her friend's health was also declining. This information made him feel sick to his stomach. How could be so inconsiderate?

Ethan jolted out of his seat and went to find her. She may not want to see him, but he needed to be with her. He needed to tell her how sorry he was. He needed to tell her that he was there for her. He needed to make things right between them. Ethan looked down at Kyra's file that was crumpled in his hand. He walked down to room 34A and knocked steadily on the door.

“Come on in!” he heard a cheery small voice exclaim. He hadn't been sure if he was in the right room, but her tone of voice clarified all doubt that he had. Ethan walked through the door to be greeted by a small, frail woman lying in the hospital bed. Iv's and wires remained spread around her, connecting her to the large machines that sat humming lowly next to her. On Kyra's right sat Casey. She looked up at him briefly, before looking back at Kyra, her attempt at avoiding any contact with him.

“Hey Kyra, I hope you don't mind if I take Casey for a second,” Ethan spoke lowly.

“Oh, that's no problem, you two have fun!” she exclaimed all but subtly. “And if you could bring her back before I- you know,” she motioned her hand in a line across her neck and stuck out her tongue. Casey shot a stern glance at Kyra before heading towards the door with Ethan. She hadn't fought him, she never refused, she just walked through the door with him.

Ethan shut the door slowly and took in a deep breath before speaking, his attempt at clearing the fog that had occupied his mind. “Casey, can we please talk about this,” he calmly said.

“Talk about what Ethan? How you left me for two months, or how my friend is knocking on death's door?” she said in a high-pitched voice. Ethan could still see the makeup smudged under her eyes from when she had cried earlier. “Or shall we talk about how you just let me walk out of those doors?”

“Casey,” Ethan said defeated. “I wanted to stop you from walking out of the doors. I wanted to tell you that I was leaving. There are so many things that I had wanted to do differently.” “And why didn't you? Because you're too professional? Because you're concerned about my job rather than my happiness? Which will it be Ethan? I've heard your excuse two too many times.” She spouted coldly.

Ethan felt a nip of pain as the words escaped her mouth. Unfortunately, everything she said had been true. He sounded as if he was a soulless monster, and perhaps he was. He had decided that he needed to be honest with her because that's what she deserves, that's what deserved two months ago. “I'm terrified. I feel weak, I feel vulnerable. Casey, I'm in love with you and that's exactly what terrifies me. I have never felt this way about anyone, this is new and it scares me. I'm scared of messing up, and hurting you even more than I have already.” He felt small and exposed.

“Ethan, I love you. I always have, I never have given up on you. I know truly that we can make this work if we tried. But you have to stop avoiding the inevitable, it truly only makes things worse.” Casey softly said.

“I'm so sorry, Casey. I want to make us work, I do.” Ethan exclaimed.

“I want to make us work too. And we can, but we have to face the reality that we might get in trouble for this,” she said, motioning between the two of them, “But I know that I am so willing to face those consequences, even if that means I get to be with you for a minute of my day.” she stated with a small smile.

Ethan nodded his head in agreeance. He finally had understood what he was feeling. It wasn't just the love that he felt for this woman, it was gratitude. It was the appreciation he felt every moment he saw her. It was the way he lit up every time he was around her. He understood that these feelings are not ones that should be feared, yet these are the feelings he needed to embrace.

He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to him as Casey responded by wrapping her small arms around his neck. He pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and guided her face to his before their lips met. The kiss they shared brought life back to the two doctors. He felt the tension that was building up in his body convert to mere bliss. Casey smiled against his lips before she pulled away and stared at Ethan, joy prevalent on her face. She laid her head on his chest, clinging on to him for dear life.

They stayed like this for a while until the moment was soon ruined by the faint sound of clapping in the background. Casey broke from Ethan's grip, only offering him a puzzled look. She opened the door to Kyra's room curiously, to see her clapping her hands fervently a large grin on her face.

“That kiss was hot, it was almost movie-worthy,” she happily said. Ethan rolled his eyes in annoyance, but the smile he was trying to conceal had come out. He was the happiest he had been in a while.

Despite Ethan's obvious annoyance, Casey burst out laughing. “It was wasn't it,” she exclaimed proudly grasping her hand in Ethan's.

They were happy, and that's all the mattered right now. He knew there would stumbling blocks ahead, but for now, he was going to enjoy the small moments, because when he left her he found out that those moments are the ones that he treasured the most.

[displacedcreativity]

When I was little, I used to love Barney, like most kids in the early 90′s. At one point, I even had a stuffed Barney that was very close to the design of the toy in the show. I knew mine would never come to life, but the extra detail made it feel so magical and for a variety of reasons, it was very sentimental and I loved it dearly. I often played alone so obviously toys and stuffed animals played a big part in my imaginary adventures and this stuffed Barney was no exception.  And then while at preschool. In between arriving and naptime. Someone stole it. And I never saw it again. I was devastated, to say the least.  My grandmother got me a new one, but it wasn’t the same. Literally and figuratively. The new one was wearing a shirt for some odd reason, and it’s mouth was sewn shut and overall it looked very odd. There was no charm, no magic. By second grade, I loathed Barney. Between losing the stuffed toy and having one of the lessons I had learned from the show backfire in a painful way, I wanted nothing more to do with it.  I carried that hate for years, and eventually it turned into a neutral feeling to hardly ever thinking about it. Obviously, I knew all the words to the mean version of the ending song from the show...the “I hate you, you hate me, let’s team up and kill Barney.”  I think that’s still a thing that people start singing when they hit a certain age.  I sang it so much I actually forgot the words to the actual song. Regardless, Barney! Not something I’ve really put much thought into lately. And lately, I’ve been burned out - prior to Covid, though Covid definitely didn’t help. And while burned out I was crushed in all the worst ways possible and if I were the Doctor I would’ve died and struggled to regenerate.  Whatever spark or light I had been holding onto prior to recent events is snuffed out, gone, and it would take an impossible miracle to get it back or at least a similar spark back. Like. That person is *gone* I might as well change my name and face at this point.  Needless to say, my dreams have been various flavors of awful, and while that’s not unusual they’ve definitely ramped up in the awfulness more recently.  Last night was no exception, but the ending took a bit of a turn. I was at a school, like a mix of schools I’ve been to or seen and weird stuff was going on and I’m not sure how old everyone was? Like we were all kids, teenagers and adults all at the same time cause you know. dream logic. But then for a moment, Barney was there. Which is a first, I think. I genuinely don’t remember any dreams with Barney in it before. But. He was there! But then he wasn’t. Turns out the only people who could see him were people who still believed in the power of the Imagination. (Very Hook).  And of course, I stood there in disbelief that I couldn’t see him because  I write and draw characters all the time and imagine things, I love imagining stories and dreaming and this was even MY dream why could I NOT see him? I was kind of insulted and spent the rest of the dream trying to prove to myself and everyone that there was nothing wrong with my imagination.  Except that there was, or, is. As I was saying, that sparks been pretty much gone. The skill to create hasn’t vanished, and when I have the energy I can still make the art and write. But that spark that makes me enjoy what I made or gets the creative juices flowing. That’s gone. It’s all ash, there’s no re-igniting that flame. When I realized that in the dream I was instantly upset because it meant that I’ve failed my inner child, if I even still had one, and myself and everyone there because it meant that I couldn’t see Barney even though I knew he was there. I even went on a rant about how growing up doesn’t equate losing your imagination, losing that spark, and adults aren’t crazy for wanting to play with their imagination as a way to have fun and relax.  But everyone nodded and agreed with me, I hadn’t made any sort of realization I didn’t already know or at least, deeply understand. Like, I was right but it wasn’t what my subconscious was trying to process and deal with. And someone, I don’t know who, asked me if I loved my imagination. As it’s something that has actually plagued me many, many times and well I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve pretty much got 0 self love.  I think I said yes, or that I wanted it back, I’m not entirely sure. But it was this general acceptance that one of my strengths has always been the ability to see the magic in the mundane and to share that magic with others by creating something, be it art or a story or whatever I think is the best medium for the magic. I often squish this down in an attempt to fit in or to not look weird, but.  It doesn’t stop at stories, because I was also thinking how in general I see the potential in things, in people, in stories.  And yeah, that magic can often backfire, and it can hurt, and it can make you feel completely, totally alone when no one else see’s what you do. But that’s what I needed to say. That I can see the magic in the mundane and the potential in every person. Even though I’m burnt out and the spark is gone and I have no real creative juices and no real self love and honestly every year I survive is honestly a surprise and I still can’t promise I’ll make it to 34 for a variety of reasons, (my physical health is rubbish and yadda yadda tomorrow is never guaranteed) but. That’s part of who I am. I see the magic. I see the potential for good, and the potential for bad. And there will be people who will never see what I do, and there will be people who will! And there will be people who don’t see it, but they will believe me - some may see what I do eventually, and there will be those that will never see it even if it’s slapping them in the face and they will take that out on me in negative, awful ways and it will hurt every time. But that’s okay. And it’s okay to be hurt, and it’s okay to lose that spark because the spark is just an energy source. When the batteries die for good you don’t recharge them you throw them out and get new ones! Hell, even dead batteries that are kept in for too long can still explode acid everywhere and eat away at the insides.  So yeah, my batteries are dead, and have exploded acid everywhere, and it will take a long time to pry them out, clean up and repair the damage and get fresh batteries. And it’s always possible that I’ll never make it that far.  But when I realized this, in the dream. Magic from the mundane and the batteries...Barney popped up again. Though more of a strange dream version of Barney this time, and actually to be completely honest I couldn’t see the face because it was taller than me so all I could really see was a colorful torso but REGARDLESS.  I hugged the dream dino and for the first time in YEARS. I remembered the actual lyrics to the ending song from the show. “I love you, you love me. We’re a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won’t you say you love me too!” What a thing to forget.  And I realized, that that’s generally my response to when something I love ends up hurting me in someway shape or form. Ever since I was a small child that’s how I learned to react to a lot of my trauma. The logic of...”It can’t hurt me if I hate it.”  Like I’ve known for a while that I’ll avoid something if there’s too much negativity attached to it, and obviously there are lines that will always need to be drawn but. Love won’t always make  you feel good, and that’s okay. But replacing love with hate isn’t always what you should do, and hate with always make you feel like crap.  Anyways, I’m kind of losing my train of thought but ultimately. I woke up feeling... lighter, in a way. There’s still a lot of bad and I’m stull hurting and broken, etc etc etc but I woke up with no hatred for Barney or sour neutrality and generally my feelings for the show (I’m assuming it’s still on) is that I think it’s a great show that encourages kids to be imaginative and to be loving.  And my inability to remember the original lyrics of the song has been replaced with me genuinely struggling to remember the mean lyrics, and I don’t even feel bothered to look them up, because why? Why waste energy I don’t have hating something for unintentionally hurting me, especially when it was something I loved so much and helped me get through other dark, traumatic events that I was exposed to at a very young age? I mean, I’m not about to go out and start buying a whole bunch of Barney merchandise and start watching show, but I can allow myself to enjoy my memories of it from when I was a kid and also forgive myself for hating something just because I was a kid in pain who wanted to protect themselves when no one else would.  This sort of thing is more complicated when it comes to people, but, baring exceptions, it’s okay to love the good memories. It’s okay to still love a place, or a thing, or a food you enjoyed alongside a toxic ex, and it’s okay if you can’t do that.  It’s okay to never want them in your life ever again, and it’s okay to hope that things can heal and mend and the two of you can reconnect in a healthy manner and the second time around is positive and healthy.  It’s okay to grieve a death for as long as you need to, and it’s okay to move on and find love again.

But whenever possible, chose love. Because love will let you know when to change your batteries, hate will make you keep those dead batteries till they explode acid everywhere and corrode you from the inside out because you hate being alone, afraid, or whatever negative thing is eating away at you but I can garuntee it’s not love that’s making you keep the dead batteries, it’s the deep desire to avoid something negative you hate or are afraid of and that’s perfectly understandable and a reasonable response and everyone works at their own paces.  And if you think it will help, write a sticky note that says “change the batteries” or whatever and stick it somewhere you can look whenever you need a reminder. Start with small things! Or don’t! It’s completely up to you! Just whenever you can, remember to chose love, and look for the magic in the mundane and the potential in people. Love can take you everywhere, hate will get you nowhere. 

[that-cheer-up-anon]

Got any good music recommendations? I'm always hungry for new music!

lately I’ve been listening to a lot of Japanese rock/pop, so if you wanted more English stuff I’m sorry. I’ll get the English stuff out of the way first though

here’s some youtube links to artists and songs that I’ve been listening to lately or just remembered I love:

Tally Hall Early 2000′s wackiness which I hold dearly. Unfortunately they only have 2 albums, but I absolutely love every song on the first album (EVERY SONG SLAPS AND CHEERS ME UP) and I have a few faves on their second. Rob Cantor (Actual Cannibal Shia LeBeouf dude, yes him) is in this band.

1st Album: Marvin’s Marvelous Mechanical Museum Just listen to the entire album. It’s just so good.

2nd Album: Good & Evil - Never Meant To Know - You And Me - Cannibal - Turn The Lights Off

Miracle Musical Basically the same guys from Tally Hall so yeah it’s still weird but GOOD.

Hawaii Part II - Full Album - The Mind Electric - Labyrinth - Isle Unto Thyself - Dream Sweet In Sea Major

Kishi Bashi A lot of his music involves using a loop pedal, since he initially started off w just him, his violin, and loop pedals. Due to incorporating loop pedals in most of his work it takes a long build up. Not sure how to describe his sound other than ethereal melancholy folksy pop? 

Philosophize In It! Chemicalize With It! Say Yeah Honeybody M’Lover Bright Whites Manchester This Must Be The Place (cover) 1 - (Studio version) This Must Be The Place (cover) 2 - Album Audio (bc I like both versions) 

Austin Weber I like to listen to his stuff when I’m kinda just in a depressed lying in bed/on the floor w only the moon as my companion reaching out to me through the cracks of my blinds kinda mood, you know? W extended imperfect vocal runs and reverberating guitar solos sometimes w increasing cymbal smashes before the song ends? Yeah that kinda vibe, although he has some nice weird bops too

I Don’t Want To Miss You (Like I Do) Love Songs For No One Using The Internet For French Goodbye (Balcony Version) Moving On THIS MAN FLEW TO JAPAN TO SING ABBA IN A BIG COLD RIVER - Mamma Mia (cover) (the backstory for this is that he and his long term girlfriend were planning to take a trip to Japan, but she told him that she had been cheating on him so he dumped her and he took his dad instead who filmed the video. What a champ.) My Friend Asleep On The Couch

Phum Viphurit Sorta happy dissociating chill vibes

Lover Boy (this song helped me during uni) Long Gone (also helped me during uni)

Half.Alive I love their music videos. Makes me appreciate interpretive dance a lot more. At first a lot of people were calling them knock-off Twenty-One Pilots, but idc bc they sound good

I Still Feel Alive (groovy and helped me during uni. LIGHTING, CHOREOGRAPHY, AND COSTUMING DUDE) Aawake At Night (good lying down depressed w a enough rock to signal me to cry if I need it song) The Fall (^ refer to above annotation) Arrow Runaway (the story in the music video makes me fEEL) Will Joseph Cook Pop. Yes plenty of fans in the comments have joked asking if he will cook. No he won’t.

Girls Like Me (helped me get through uni too) The Dragon (political song. Real gen z and millennial mood) Take Me Dancing (music video has me office job dreaming even though I know I’d probably hate it)

SIAMES Indie pop. Love their music videos and inspires me to continue thinking about animation.

The Wolf (This music video helped me get through uni. Had a crying breakdown in a park to this song on repeat. Not really appropriate for a breakdown though?) Summer Nights

OKAY NOW THE JAPANESE STUFF

Eve  J-rock. I love their music videos. Inspired me to actually draw some hands and feet studies 

As You Like It We’re Still Underground Dramaturgy The Secret About That Girl Snow Leo

Yorushika J-rock. Deals w depression and suicide themes.

Say It - About someone whose friend committed suicide and is reminiscing and reflecting on how they know they’ll never see their friend again, finding it hard to accept it, and how maybe if they had paid more attention they could've seen the signs and prevented it, asking their friend to “say it” more clearly. Incredibly depressing but I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH Semi-transparent Boy

Bradio FUNK! GLITTERY AND TACKY PATTERNED SUITS! GREAT AFRO! INFECTIOUS SMILES!  HECK YEAH DUDE!

Flyers Golden Liar Makkana Car Chaise (Bright Red Car Chase) Overnight Superstar 幸せのシャナナ  Shiawaseno Shanana (Shanana of Happiness) O.TE.A.GE.DA! (Basically throwing your hands up in frustration like “Whatever! I give up!” and honestly MOOD)

Frederick J-rock. Repetitive and catchy.

Only Wonder (had this on repeat so much I’m sure my siblings hated me) Oddloop Rererepeat Owarase Night (Basically means Finish Night. He says a lot of stuff about needing to finish something NOW, so it’s kinda like this is the last night to finish stuff)

Asian Kung-Fu Generation J-rock. Love the instrumentals. Also the album art? Gorgeous.

Re: Re: A Flower Named You (ABSOLUTE BANGER)

OKAY NOW FOR INDIVIDUAL SONGS

Medaka no Mita Niji - Kozue Takada (The Rainbow That The Kilifish Saw) (I have cried to this but also I’m an emotional mess so take that as you will???) インコ / 高田梢枝 - Inko by Takada Kozue (HAVE DEFINITELY CRIED TO THIS) Shissou - Last Alliance (Sprint) (Yes this is the credit song for Ouran High School Host Club. The opening guitar riff gets me every time. I’m nostalgic. Sue me.) Crying For Rain - Minami (GIVES ME SERIOUS YUI VIBES WHICH I LOVE) Yellow -  Yoh Kamiyama (I love the art style and the way they animate hands. This music video and Eve music videos are what made me inspired to draw hand sketchdumps)

I don’t remember what time I started to answer this but it is now 1:40 am now and I hope you give some of these songs and/or artists a shot. Hope I helped you find something new!

[sevenseasofrog]

Lads ‘n Lasses

pairing: highschool!ben x fem!reader

summary: single sex schools are never boring

word count: 1,661

a/n: second part of the September chapter,, enjoy !!

here’s also some stuff that could make it less confusing (especially if you’re not familiar with lingo from north west england, i’ll probably add to this with each new chapter that comes out :)

St. Mary’s/ Mary’s- the all girls school the reader attends, quite middle class and full of students who like to make drama for their own entertainment, strong focus on languages and arts

Niamh & Maria - the reader’s two closest and longest friends

St. Peter’s/ St. Pete’s - the all boys ‘brother’ school to St. Mary’s, very laddish with a focus on rugby and science

Tram/Met - British version of an overground subway?

Shout - another word for a houseparty

Snide - unfair

Swear down - saying you are telling the truth

Chapter 2

The day went by fairly quickly without too much bother, you were mostly collecting new textbooks, discussing the course outlines and meeting your teachers for the year’s classes; so the workload was relatively light. You ate lunch outside, careful not to stain your white blouse with grass, and after lunch, you were given time to study in the library, not that there was much to study quite so early on in the term however, so really you just spent the two hours messing about, doodling and having hushed discussions with Maria and Niamh. What you didn’t mention however was the fact that you spent a solid chunk of this time scrolling through Instagram in an attempt to find any profile which could potentially belong to Ben. Eventually, you found it, and were washed over with a sense of relief followed by panic. Panic that you were becoming some sort of obsessive stalker, Christ, you’d only spoken to him for an hour that morning but were beyond convinced that there was more to Ben than you originally believed. These thoughts were rudely interrupted though by the school bell signaling the end of the day, which you welcomed with open arms. You peeled yourself off the chair which you had been sunken into for the past two hours and began to pack your bag, waiting for Maria and Niamh to do the same.

The three of you made a relatively slow exit out of school, continuing to discuss the events of the summer gone by and your hopes for the coming year. The sun was peeking through the leaves of the trees, which were still a luscious green and the air seemed to be filled with a strange nostalgia of summers gone by. Making your way towards the gate of St. Peter’s you stopped as you heard a voice.

“Oi oi, Fancy seeing you lot eh?!”

You stopped and were greeted by Lewis, he had been a long time friend who you loved dearly. As a friend, however, and unfortunately this feeling was not entirely mutual between the pair of you. He was always laid back and could have you in a fit of tears without trying, he had always come off as a bit of a jack the lad too, popular and well liked by everyone he met, as well as a cracking guitar player.

“Nice to see you too stranger!”, you shot back. Living considerably further away from school had never been too much of an issue. That was until you made a decent set of friends with people who cared about you however, and you had gone the last two weeks of the summer holidays relatively isolated- enjoying the peace of your own company. Three was now four, and you eventually reached the gate, where you were somewhat relieved to find Ben waiting for you.

“I was beginning to think you’d abandoned me” He looked up from his phone and gave a nervous smile, noticing that this time you were accompanied by a crowd.

“I would never!” You dramatically threw your arm to your forehead fake shock. “Honestly! one of you back me up I’m too nice for shit like that!” Turning around to see your friends looking rather amused.

“No! I believe that!” Ben threw his arms up in defence, “It’s just that it somehow took you nearly 15 minutes to walk no more than 200 meters down the road!”

“We’re slow walkers sometimes, Ok! we were gossiping about y’know…. girls n stuff!”

By this point the other four people around you really were looking at you with amusement smeared across their faces.

“y/n… did you know that you somehow manage to make yourself look like a real tit at times?” Niamh really was finding this whole thing a bit too funny, especially since she was quite to fast to catch onto the idea that you were eager to get to know Ben more.

“Right then, let’s go, I don’t really feel like hanging around here any longer…” Lewis spoke, “Tram?” he questioned.

“Tram”, everyone responded.

The walk with the four of you went extremely quickly, you had introduced Ben to everyone and he had instantly clicked into place with your friends. When you reached the platform Maria, Niamh and Lewis announced that they had to buy tickets, and swiftly made their way towards the bartered machines, once again leaving you and Ben alone together.

“You didn’t really think I would have left you did you?” a slight tinge of worry ran through your voice.

“Nah, I really can tell you’re not a bad person, well, not bad enough to abandon their new bestie at least!” He cracked a laugh, and a wave of relief passed over you. “Plus, it’s not like I don’t have your number… I could always have just terrorised you for the rest of time if you did”

“You cocky bastard!” You retorted, the pair of you smirking at each other. When the other three returned, you noticed how nicely you seemed to gel together as a group, and it was most rewarding to see that Ben had found a friend in Lewis after such a short space of time. When it arrived, the pair rugby tackled each other onto the tram, Ben nearly sweeping the taller boy off his feet, since Lewis had much more of a slender build, and was certainly skinnier than Ben, who almost appeared as a physical opposite. You had one boy with his blonde hair lightly gelled into a coif, while the other had a mousey brown, floppy bowl cut, and frankly looked a lot like he had stepped out of an Oasis gig in the 90s. You all found seats and continued with your chatter, the focus of the conversation mainly on Ben’s past life in Bournemouth, all of you asking questions and joking much more like a group of lifelong friends, rather than a few misfit teenagers and a newbie who most of them only met half an hour ago.

The time eventually came for the others to disembark the now quiet tram carriage. Maria and Lewis first, followed by Niamh a few stops later, leaving you and Ben alone yet again.

“It’s only like 4 more stops until we get off so you don’t have to put up with me too much longer.” You spoke, noticing the silence between the pair of you.

“Nah, you’re alright, I can cope with you for that long I reckon”, he looked up from his phone. “You managed to find me on instagram pretty quickly though” He flashed a grin.

“I’m not a stalker I swear down I just was really bored since I have double study every afternoon only I had nothing to study and no art coursework to do..” You blurted, failing to notice Ben’s ears prick up at the mention of art.

“So you’re an ‘artiste’ then?”

“Well, of sorts, I’m not amazing or anything but I like it enough to carry on doing it at school” Slightly embarrassed by his interest in your work, you ducked your head down, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

“You are such a bullshitter oh my god! these are amazing!” Oh God, He was now scrolling through your instagram page, waving his phone in your face displaying a drawing you had done over summer.

“C’mon then y/n, what other secret hobbies do you have, we’ve only talked ‘bout me today and I literally don’t know anything about you other than that we get on at the same stop, where you go to school and that you genuinely are amazing at art…” It was nice to see that he seemed genuinely interested in you, and wasn’t as self centred as some of the other boys from St. Pete’s that you had spoken to.

“Sorry to disappoint Benny Boy but art’s all I really do, unless you could class going out and about as a hobby, but a mon humble avis, I don’t think it really counts”

“Hm, I’m not so sure, there’s definitely more to you, I know it. I might be blonde but I’m not ‘that’ dumb”. With that, the both of you were laughing again, and the silence that was seemed more of a distant memory.

The slow moving metro eventually reached your stop and you both hopped off, making your way towards the stairs off the platform.

“So, are you walking or getting a lift home or…” You trailed off, unsure of where to go next.

“I’m walking, I live just off Harbour Road. Yeah. Pretty sure that’s what it’s called” He announced, re-adjusting his bag slightly.

“Coool beans my guy, I’m basically at the top end of it so we’re heading the same way”

“Looks like I’m gonna be seeing you more often than I bargained for then eh?”

“It does appear that way, your observational skills are just superb” You spoke, dragging out the the final word for comedic effect.

Another 20 minutes of walking later and you eventually reached the front pathway of your house.

“Well then, this is my stop. Not gonna get lost without me are you?” You announced with a grin.

“I’d like to think I’ll manage” He spoke, stretching his arms up into the warm autumn air.

“See you tomorrow then yeah? Meet me here at 7:15?” God. Please say yes, you prayed internally

“See you tomorrow at 7:15” Ben replied, giving a final smile before turning on his heel and continuing down the road.

You unlocked the door and were greeted my your Mother, and following this continued your evening as normal, all thoughts of Ben pushed to the back of your mind and forgotten.

That night however, although you did not remember when you woke up the next morning, dreamt of a boy with beach blonde hair and electric green eyes. Blissfully unaware of the waterfall of emotion and chaos he was about to install into your life.

hope you enjoyed !!

let me know if you want adding to the taglist :)❤️

[magimagali]

wrote a longass thing abt. what’s been goin on with me. ajhfdjg it’s incredibly long-winded and personal and i dunno if it’s appropriate to even post it here but uhhmm m yeah

lately I've been giving some serious thought to what I wanna do w/ my life, and the diff possibilites and options have swirled around enough times in my head that I'm convinced just Thinking about it isn't going to get me anywhere..... but maybe writing about it will? so I'm just going to dump my thoughts here

the options I've been considering are:

a) go to an art school out of state

b) go to an in-state liberal arts college and move into the dorms

or c) live at home, the place I've lived all my life, and get my AA at a community college

going to an art school is the option that tugs at me the most, but of all of them is probably the scariest -- go figure lol

the art school I would like to go to is in Minnesota which is kinda my home away from home and also where my dad's side of the family lives, and I love that side of my fam dearly so it wouldn't be completely unfamiliar territory and I wouldn't be all alone. but it would mean moving out of my hometown and separated from the family i'm Most familiar with. that part is terrifying to me bc I'm an EXTREME homebody and family+home takes top priority in my life, no question. but bc it's so important to me it inhibits me from spreading my wings in some ways. and I know in someways I would really evolve by doing something that huge and scary and uncomfortable. but I don't know if it's really necessary to try and resist that part of me when it is... a Part of Me. being a homebody doesn't Have to be a flaw I need to try and grow out of. but it does suck to think about the opportunities I could miss out on due to the immense anxiety I feel about leaving my hometown and family.

(another art school option that I fantasize about is calarts, which would be even scarier than going to the MN school, plus the odds of me getting in are ... lmao, but it's worth mentioning. going to calarts would make me feel absolutely fulfilled and proud of myself for Once In My Life, I think. that's the most alluring thing about it.)

but art school is fucking expensive. drowning in debt after going to a school that prepares you to work in a field that is so competitive, and knowing that it's highly likely that I could only find a career by being at the right place at the right time, or finding the right connections.... it all sounds so risky and tricky and it just. aughhggh. then again that's probably true for most professions...

I also think about how art school could potentially ruin art for me. it really scares me to think about the line between work and play becoming blurred when it comes to art... art is something precious and personal and if it lost its spark as a result of it becoming my job for possibly the rest of my life, it feels like part of me would Die . like that's dramatic af but.

so... those are the things I think about when I think abt going to art school. on the other hand, I'd learn so much, and grow so much as both and artist and a person, and even if it's not perfect I just might really enjoy it. it might be the only career that would make me feel truly happy and fulfilled. i think if i were to follow my heart, art would be the thing I'd want to pursue career-wise. but the stakes feel so high.

if I went to the in-state liberal arts college, it would cost less than an art school but more than a cc, but it's much more inspiring and more conducive to personal growth than I think a cc would be -- not that a cc wouldn't help me grow at all, but just that it's an entirely different experience living at a college and immersing yourself in the community and your studies. plus, I've taken two quarters at the school already, and I know I like the people and classes. but I don't know exactly what I would want to study, is the problem. it's a nonconventional school where u build ur own interdisciplinary degree, so I would probably do some mix of psychology/art/literature or. smth. if I decided not to pursue a career in art, I can also see myself becoming a teacher, or a therapist. those both do interest me, but they don't exactly... tug me in the same way doing art profesionally does. so it feels lacking and a bit depressing in that way. but that doesn't mean they don't sound fulfilling and inspiring in other ways. and I know I can always do art as a hobby if I don't pursue it as a career, + doing it just as a hobby would also be the safest route.

moving there also really scares me bc I just don't know if I'm ready for it yet, or if I ever will be ready to move out of my mom's house tbh. I Have to move out eventually though, so it's like... there's no point in waiting until I'm ready if that feeling of being ready and prepared never actually comes. I should just go for it. and the fact that I'm so scared of living in a college an hour away from my mom's house makes the idea of going to an art school out of state feel like an impossible feat.

but it's like, doing those things that feel impossible and terrifying would do more to help me grow and evolve than anything else. and it's like, the more ambitious and drastic the choice I make is, the more. Valid I feel, the more I feel successful I feel and therefore just. worth something. I want to make myself and my family proud, even though my parents just don't roll that way at all-- they genuinely just want me to be happy. my siblings put more pressure on me than anyone else to go to college, get a job, get a house etc all the Adult things, and they don't actually put all that much pressure on me beyond judging me when I tell them I'm taking a break from school and just. visiting once in a blue moon, judging my lifestyle when it doesn't adhere to their standards, then completely forgetting abt my whole deal and what I'm doing w/ my life to focus on their own once they leave. and their expectations for me are really just projections of their own expectations for themselves, and their priorities and goals and. everything. they're just so different from me. but despite all that, their approval of me means So Much to me and guides my decisions, and when it doesn't, it's their voices in the back of my head telling me what a loser and failure I am for not following their version of a successful path.

anyway. the last option is to go to a community college and get my aa, since I can't figure out what I want to do for sure yet, and I'd rather go to school than do nothing at all (even tho I'm working on trying to open an art shop thing, but it's just not fulfilling enough...). going to a community college would be the cheapest, safest, most comfortable option. but it doesn't exactly inspire me... and i think some people upon finding out that's what I decided to do would be really doubtful, and might even try to talk me out of it, or just be generally really unimpressed and cynical abt it.

and i think i just. put entirely too much stock into other what other ppl think. but i have no idea how to silence other ppl's voices and opinions and listen to my own. i have NOOOo freaking clue to just trust my gut and follow my heart. it's all too clouded up in there with other ppl's expectations and fears of being judged or criticized.

i just. really want to feel like the decisions i make on my own, w/ my own best interest in mind, are supported. but it feels like they're only supported on strict conditions w/ some people. my parents are unconditionally supportive... to a point...... they're skeptical of me going to art school bc of how expensive it is. when i've talked to them abt it, i haven't left the convo feeling encouraged. they're just as scared as i am abt the money part.

i fucking hate money . i hate. capitalism. that's prob dumb of me to say bc i know next to nothing abt it but like. i hate this system i was forced into and all of its peripheries and i hate thinking the education system is probably more interested in shaping me to better fit into capitalist society than it is in actually helping me learn and grow as an individual. i don't know if that's necessarily true... and like, teachers are amazing and can be so passionate, and it's not like school doesn't help you learn and grow -- that's. literally what it's for?? but. ghjgrhhhg i don't have the energy to explain but i'm just Mad abt capitalism

i want to go to school bc. i want to learn, and it's a way for me to connect with a whole community of ppl, and it just opens up a lot of opportunities and makes me feel like I'm really Living. but like. it's scary to go when i'm not sure what exactly it is i want to do. it's scary to go to a regular college and feel bad abt not going to an art school, and it's scary to go to an art school and possibly lose my passion for it and also be crazy poor, and everything is just. scary. and i'm only fuckin 20 but i feel so urgently that i need to hurry up and do something. and i don 't. KNOWWW. WHAT TO DOOOO so i think really hard abt it desperately trying to find a conclusion i'm happy with, but i second-guess and talk myself out of every decision before i can make it, and nothing feels satisfying, and i feel unsure and helpless all the time, and i don't know what i want or what would be best for me, and i can't get help from anyone bc these are decisions I need to make On My Own but  i fucking don't know howwwww

and i just feel so lost and alone and frightened and frustrated and exhausted and lazy and weak and cowardly and. everything is hard

[chris-kaiju]

My SSSS.GRIDMAN Finale Theory

So the final episode of SSSS.Gridman dropped yesterday and it was awesome, but the final few seconds left me scratching my head for a bit in confusion.

But after letting it digest for a bit and seeing what other people thought of the ending, I finally came up with my take on it and here’s my theory about the serie’s conclusion and the entire anime as a whole.

So beware there are spoilers!

I believe the entire events of the anime are a metaphorical internal struggle of one the series main antagonists Akane Shinjo. Akane in the series is the “god” of the world she inhabits and makes it as her idyllic paradise as she is the most beloved girl in her class. My take away from this is her world is either her dreams, her imagination, or even a fan fiction she has created with her as a self insert. I feel this is the case is because, in reality, she’s a shut-in otaku who has to deal with the struggles of the real worlds and as such, she has created this imaginative world to cope with the hardships of life. Each of the characters we’ve seen in the series is reflections of people she has met in her life or are parts of her mind and her lashing out at individuals who she feels had wronged her. So here’s my interpretation of who these characters are as I’ll finish my thoughts on Akane for last.

Yuta Hibiki/Gridman: Our main protagonist is actually a part of Akane’s psyche. Let me explain. See in the penultimate episode it is revealed that Gridman has been inhabiting Yuta’s body and this is the reason Yuta had amnesia throughout the entire series is that Gridman has forgotten he has taken over his body. And when he regains his memories in the final episodes he made it his goal to heal Akane’s broken heart and her world. I believe that Yuta/Gridman is the part of her mind that represents her using her love of tokusatsu in a healthy way and the reason Akane is actively trying to kill him is that if she lets him win, she’ll have to move past her fictional world and she’s afraid to face reality. It’s also possible the reason Gridman becomes the original version of the character from the tokusatsu series could be interpreted as her favorite toku series is Gridman the Hyper Agent. But in the end, her heart is “healed” and she moves on into the real world. The fact the final episode is titled “Awakening” is probably a reflection her literally waking up from her dream world as the scene before is Yuta sleeping while Rikka and Utsami wait for him to wake up, only for real world Akane to wake up instead. As such I think Yuta and Akane are the same person.

Rikka Takarada: I think Rikka is Akane’s best friend/crush(?) and it’s because of this it’s why in the dream episode of Gridman Rikka’s dream feels like a yuri slice of life series. In the real world, Rikka probably keeps Akane at an arms distance and is probably troubled by her friend's shut-in behavior and wants to help, but knows she, in the end, Akane needs to help herself. As such the Rikka we see in Gridman is Akane’s idealized version of her best friend and when anime Rikka tries to help her, this is the part of Akane trying to help her be a better person for her friend, And the scene was she pouring her heart to Rikka and apologizing to action within the series could be something that happened to real-world Akane where Rikka may have also told her to face the real world and not to worry about the many hardships she’ll face because she has friends who’ll always be with her. And the bus pass wallet we see Rikka give Akane could be a real gift she was given and Akane truly cherishes.

Sho Utsami: Utsami is another close friend of Akane who is also a massive fan of kaiju and the tokusatsu genre. But unlike Akane he’s more sociable and may have had the similar troubling behavior in the past, but has gone over it. In the anime Utsami has a crush on Akane and this could be because his real-world counterpart may have asked her out but she either turned him down or possibly dated for a bit before breaking-up, but he still remains friends with. This could be reflected Utsami’s dream where them bonding over kaiju series could actually be a date they went on. 

Alexis Kerib: In the series, both Yuta’s and Akane’s parents are absent (Yuta’s are out of town for work) and as such Akane’s parents could also be out of town. As such she could be living with either a family friend or family member like an uncle. But it turns out the uncle could be abusive either verbally or physically and yet like many abusers use psychological manipulation her make Akane still love him. Maybe either praising her creations in the real world or given her funds to feed her obsessions. Because of this abuse, this could be the reason why she is a shut-in due to her not wanting to deal with her abuser and is afraid other people could treat her the same. At the start of the series Alexis praises her creations and acts as an open ear to her troubles and this be her seeing her uncle as a positive light due to her being emotionally manipulated and when Alexis reveals his true colors could be Akane releasing he had been abusing her the whole time. And when he turns Akane into a kaiju in the anime world, this could be a metaphor for Akane becoming the monster her guardian himself if. Alexis’ monstrous appearance could also be a reflection on how she sees the real world equivalent of Alexis as a villain from a tokusatsu series in her dream world and since the original Gridman could be Akane’s favorite show, this could be why Alexis heavily resembles that series main villain Kahn Digifier.

Anti/Gridknight: So since I think Akane goes through abuse, I believe Anti is Akane’s little brother in the real world. See I think this is the case is mostly due to how he resembles Akane a bit, but also how she treats him. See Akane treats Anti like a tool and when he fails she scolds and abuses him (I just realized dealing with abuse could be a theme for this series) is because of the old saying that abuse is a never-ending cycle. As such real-world probably lash out at her little brother to cope with her pain and agony and the reason we see Anti as so loyal to Akane for such a long time in the series is simply that Anti is her little brother and in the real world, he loves her dearly. But when Anti turns on Akane and becomes Gridknight could mean it was her brother standing up from the abuse and telling her he has had enough. And when he tries to save her, in the end, it still shows that despite fighting back he still loves her and wants to have his big sister back.

The Kaiju: So it’s very clear Akane is a huge kaiju nerd and as such her paradise world will be full of them. And I also believe Akane is an artist of some kind and uses her love of kaiju as a means to bring out her creativity The kaiju we see standing still and everpresent throughout the series is her using her passion in a positive light as all they do is fix her world. The kaiju that our heroes have to fight against is her passion becoming something toxic and in her own world she uses them to lash out at people she feels had wronged her. As we’ve seen the kaiju attack people who make upset for such small things like the volleyball team smashing her food or her teacher being rude to her. So since he obviously can’t hurt them in the real world, she makes up this fictional world to vent her frustration on these people by having these kaiju kill them and wipe them from her world. But as we’ve seen what happens when Gridman saves them, these people Akane try to kill become better people and this could mean Akane is seeing them as the people they truly are and not the one-note characters she sees them as. And when the kaiju Anonymous starts killing the fixer kaiju, this could mean the toxic side of her love of kaiju is taking over and killing her creative side as after this kaiju is killed she doesn’t want to make any kaiju, meaning her love of art was killed.

So yeah Gridman was a lot more to unpacked than I thought it would be and I’ve never deconstructed a series like this in a while. And because of this I really appreciate the series even more as a kaiju fan and a nerd as a whole and the dangers of letting escapism take over our lives as eventually, we have to go outside and be in the world we live in. Never let go of your passions, but never let those passions control you.

[wickedsingularity]

Until Next Time [Chapter 10]

Banner by PhoenixAlthor @ TDA

The hand on my heart clenched painfully. I stiffened and gritted my teeth. My eyes stung and I couldn't breathe. I was there. I had reached the point where it hurt so bad I didn't know how to live for one more second.

War. We do what we can to find comfort and hope.

Remus Lupin x OC Warnings: Language, lemon, anxiety, slight racism Words: 3935

Note: The revised version of chapter 10. Just changed some scenes in the middle to fit with the direction chapter 11 and 12 took during NaNoWriMo. It's not absolutely necessary to read this chapter again, but it also wouldn't hurt :)

Chapter 9 | Masterlist | Chapter 11

Blur

This is crazy.

It had been more than two weeks since Remus and I had our sort-of conversation about what happened between us and I felt confident that whatever it was, was over and done with. I Apparated to Grimmauld Place, feeling some excitement about seeing people again. It had been more than two weeks since I'd seen any of them as well, other than the one I relieved from guard duty and the one relieving me.

The entrance hall was quiet as I opened the front door, but Tonks had apparently arrived just before I did and she squawked and jumped around when I greeted her, causing the portrait of Mrs Black to wake up.

"Filth! Abominations! Scum living in my house!"

"Oh sorry," Tonks said, cringing a bit at the insults echoing around the house.

Hurried footsteps came from the basement kitchen and Sirius bounded upstairs to shut up his mother's portrait.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius!" Tonks called after him, but he just grunted.

"And I'm sorry I frightened you, Tonks," I said loudly, to make myself heard above the besmirching the ancient and noble house of Black.

"It's alright. I thought I was the last one here," she explained.

"I took a nap before I came and it went on a bit longer than I had planned." I grinned sheepishly, then starting a bit as there was a loud bang from the floor above and Mrs Black's ranting was silenced.

Tonks and I wandered down into the basement kitchen, closely followed by Sirius, the light chatter of Order members now audible. Almost everyone seemed to be there and their eyes were on us because of the racket we had caused. I looked down at my feet as I stepped through the door while Tonks apologized.

"My fault," I said once Tonks was finished. "I accidentally frightened her."

"Don't worry about it," Sirius said from behind us. "I love shutting her up."

A few of the people around the table snickered and Tonks and I found our way to empty seats next to each other.

"Maybe we can start the meeting," Alastor said with a grunt. "Now that everyone is here." There was a murmur of agreeing sounds and the ones who had been lingering around the room found seats, nearly filling the entire table.

Alastor began by having Minerva tell us the latest news from Hogwarts and the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor that the Ministry had appointed and how she had been made Hogwarts High Inquisitor after a new Educational Decree had been created by the Minister. Only three weeks into the school year and the Ministry was already starting to do what everyone feared – take over Hogwarts and undermine Albus.

It wasn't far into the discussion before I very much regretted sitting down in this particular chair. All through the meeting, I could hardly concentrate. I don't know if he had sat down in the available seat next to me on purpose or by "happy" accident. And I don't know if he did what he did on purpose or not, or if I just noticed it because of what we had done and had it been anyone else I wouldn't react at all. But every time Remus shifted in his seat, his knee would press against mine, his elbow would graze me. And one time his hand actually touched mine. It was driving me insane. I had no idea what had gotten over me. Whatever it was, it wasn't like me at all, and I didn't like what it was doing to me. It was like we were a pair of awkward teenagers testing the limits.

Doing my absolute best to focus on what was being discussed, I tried to exercise some of the mental control I used for Occlumency. Setting up a rock-hard barrier on the entire right side of my mind and nervous system, refusing to feel the unusually high body heat radiating off of Remus.

"– two weeks' detention."

"That's my boy," Sirius commented on Minerva's story. I was completely at a loss but figured it must be something involving Harry.

"Umbridge is dangerous, Black," Minerva said. "She is power-hungry, and – mark my words – she is going to make life at Hogwarts very difficult and Potter is better off to stay out of her way."

"How much can she really do with Albus there?" Hestia asked.

"As the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic?" The venom with which Minerva said that title, I'd say she was the dangerous one. "A Minister that is currently at odds with Albus and everything he does at Hogwarts? And as High Inquisitor of Hogwarts? She has the power to do more than any of us can imagine."

"She has a very dangerous and backwards view of the world, and she's willing to do a lot to shape it to her liking," Remus chimed in.

I glanced at him.

"Sounds like you know a lot about it?" Tonks leaned forward and looked past me to Remus.

His amber eyes rose slowly to hers. "Yes," he said and looked down at his lap. "She's not very fond of... half-breeds, as she calls them. Werewolves among them."

"She's responsible for the anti-werewolf legislation that came two years ago," Sirius explained, eyes on Remus, who was now staring at his fingers fiddling with a loose thread on his cardigan. I had read about that legislation, it made it as good as impossible for people with lycanthropy to get a job.

Minerva finished her report on Umbridge at Hogwarts and Molly started levitating dinner and plates onto the table. We all helped ourselves as Alastor continued with the next item on the agenda, news about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Each mention of the name had me trying to hide a shiver and I was very grateful to scoop up more of Molly's warm stew to settle my nerves. The warmth radiating off Remus on my right side also felt oddly comforting to me, even through the mental barrier I had put up. He was still close enough that our elbows sometimes touched when we ate, his knee sometimes touching mine, and it was all too distracting.

As everyone had finished dinner, leaning back in their chairs and chatting, I glanced at the grandfather clock in the corner and noticed with a sigh of relief that it was getting late. I slid to the edge of my sear, ready to get the hell out of there. I was getting antsy knowing I had three weeks at Azkaban coming up on Monday and I wanted to get some rest. But just before I could get up, Remus laid a hand on my arm and leaned forward.

"Third, fourth, left," he whispered as he passed my ear and then he removed his hand and engaged in conversation with Kingsley across the table.

I blinked a bit in confusion and looked around to see if anyone else had caught his actions, but it was a bit chaotic as Molly had started levitating dinner off the table.

"I think I'm going to go," I said quietly, stood up to pull on my cloak. "I need to prepare myself for Azkaban."

"Of course, dear." Molly began fussing as I moved towards the door and stopped me for a hug. "Go home and rest. Do you want some biscuits to go?" She was straightening the collar of my cloak and wiping away some imaginary dust from my arm.

"Oh, no thank you. It was all delicious, but I'm so full I don't think I need to eat until next year."

She swatted my arm playfully. "You're too kind! You take care of yourself."

I just smiled and moved to turn around and caught Remus' eye above Molly's shoulder. I wasn't sure what to do with the three words he had whispered to me, so I just snuck out of the room before I figuratively burst into flames. I rushed up the stairs, but as I walked across the hall to the front door, I slowed down and looked at the staircase leading upstairs. It was like I was stupefied for a moment, staring upwards. Footsteps sounded on the stairs from the kitchen and I had to move. Without thinking about it, my feet took me to the stairs and I hurried as quietly as I could up to the third floor.

This is crazy, I thought as I stopped at the top of the stairs, looking down the hall. I moved slowly towards the fourth door, heart beating wildly in my chest. My hand reached for the handle, but then I retracted it as if I'd burned myself. I couldn't just go in. So, I leaned against the wall next to the door instead, trying to calm myself down and convince myself this wasn't the worst idea in the world.

Waiting there felt like it took forever and I was starting to think I had misheard Remus when I heard footsteps walking quickly up the stairs, dearly hoping it was him and not Sirius or anyone else. I didn't even know where Sirius' room was.

"Hi." Remus was slightly out of breath when he reached the landing, but smiling slightly.

"Hi." I straightened up. He took a few long strides and before he could say anything else, I had grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into his own room.

As I rode my broom from the Apparition station and out to the prison to start my rotation at Azkaban, the anxiety and fear weren't as noticeable as I expected and I sent a mental thank you to Remus. I had my Patronus Shield up, and tiny tendrils of fear poked and prodded at my heart, but it was a little bit easier to ignore them. But that was only Monday morning.

The late September sun still shone brightly and managed to warm up the air during the day, but out on Azkaban it was chilly no matter what. And as the week went on, it was getting to me much more than it had ever done in my eight years working there. The chill seemed to stick to my bones and rarely felt warm enough even at home. It was getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning and I looked at the clock too often after lunch, counting down until I could go home. Working my three weeks at Azkaban used to be something I preferred over the three weeks at the Ministry, but not anymore.

Every day I heard the Death Eater prisoners call out for their master, urging him to come to rescue them. Every day the Dementors' influence grew weaker on the Death Eaters and stronger on the other criminals and us witches and wizards working there. Even though we didn't talk much about it amongst ourselves, I could tell that my colleagues were also becoming more and more affected. I knew Walter best out of all of them, and he was always the one who kept on working no matter what. He let nothing distract him and refused to stop until he was done with his task. But I noticed his mind wandering, he would stop what he was doing and fix his gaze on something outside the window or on some invisible phantom near the upper cells, his face often drawn. It broke my heart and that did nothing to help the anxiety and fear I now dragged around in what felt like a trunk full of rocks tied around my waist.

Halfway through my second week, I was getting antsy. I needed to get away, it was all becoming too much. I was cold and jumpy and anxious and could barely focus on anything. It came as such a relief when a wet and windswept owl pecked on the window to mine and Walter's office right before lunch.

Walter ran over and hurriedly opened the window to let the poor screech owl inside. It fluttered onto his arm and swayed slightly as he closed the window and carried it over to our desk. "It's addressed to you."

Raising my eyebrows, I reached for the bedraggled bird and pulled it gently over, untying the letter on its leg and letting it help itself to water from my goblet.

It was from the Auror Office. "There's some new evidence in the Black-case. They need me there to look through it." Walter looked up from petting the owl. "Huh, and they need me now," I added, folding up the parchment.

"I was starting to think that case would never be solved."

"Me too. Will you be okay without me? I'll probably be gone for the rest of the day."

"Yes, I'll be fine. You go help solve our embarrassing breakout. I'll send the owl on its way once it's dried up a bit."

I nodded and reached for my wand to clear away the parchments and quills, donned my cloak and renewed the Impervius Charm on it. "See you tomorrow!"

The relief of getting to go early was monumental. To get on my broom and fly away from the soul-sucking creatures, to feel the long fingers of anxiety ease up a bit the second I was outside the wards around the prison and able to land on the Apparition station and drop the Patronus Shield. Even though I hadn't felt my breath being constricted out on the island, it somehow felt like I could draw my breath again after holding it for hours.

Turned out the meeting at the Ministry was a waste of time. It was the same old story, some witches and wizards were convinced they had seen Sirius Black somewhere, and this time it had been made interesting by someone claiming he had kept them hostage in their own house for a week, with Dementors as guards. Of course, none of it was true, and now that I knew the truth about it all, it was very amusing to see what cock and bull people would come up with for attention. If it weren't for the fact that the relief of a few extra hours away from Azkaban did me good, and the fact that I saw Lucius Malfoy there – with the Minister, it would have been a completely wasted afternoon.

And that's why I made it onto the step of 12 Grimmauld Place, telling myself for the hundredth time that I had to make sure Albus knew that Lucius Malfoy had been meeting with the Minister again and that it was no way Kingsley or Tonks or even Arthur had seen and could tell him.

I tapped my wand to the door and had another moment of are you stupid as it swung open. Shaking my head and gritting my teeth, I walked inside and shut the door quietly behind me. It was my duty as a member of the Order of the Phoenix to do this. Even if Kingsley, Tonks or Arthur had seen and would leave their own messages, it was better that we all left the same message than none at all. Whatever other reason lurked at the back of mind, I pushed down and refused to acknowledge.

The house was quiet and dark. Now that the children were off at school, there was less and less activity in the house, mostly just Sirius and Kreacher, and Remus when he wasn't out mingling with the werewolves. Just the odd Order member stopping by to leave a report or a message to Albus or someone else.

I wandered across the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen. There were no sounds from there either, and no one but a small mouse scurrying across the floor as I opened the door. I stopped at the head of the long table, a sigh of disappointment leaving me. The cold fist of fear that had loosened a bit as I left Azkaban and even more since I made the decision to come here, tightened again. I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath, pushing it down. Then I stepped over to a cabinet by the wall where I knew held parchment, ink and quill and wrote down what I had seen at the Ministry. I laid the parchment on the table and gave the room a last glance before heading back upstairs.

But when I reached the hall, I didn't head for the door. Instead, I turned to the next staircase and slowly made my way up to the first floor and then the second floor. There, I paused on the landing, looking around, trying to convince myself to walk back down.

Suddenly someone said my name and I spun around, drawing my wand, aiming it at the figure on the next landing. Remus stood there, his hands in the air in mock surrender.

"Don't scare me like that!" I hissed, pocketing my wand.

"Sorry. Hello. I thought I heard someone."

I took a couple of steps upwards, seeing him clearer and noticed he looked tired and scruffy. A quick calculation in my head told me it was only four days until the full moon.

"Yeah, I just dropped off a message to Albus."

"On the stairs?"

"It's in the kitchen. I don't... I'm not sure what I..." I closed my eyes and shook my head. Breathing suddenly became harder, I heaved for air. My fists clenched.

"Are you okay?" Remus' voice was suddenly a lot closer. The hand on my shoulder made me gasp and snap my eyes open again. He was standing right in front of me. My breaths slowed down and something lit up inside me.

"I don't..."

Remus' nostrils flared and his hand slid down my arm and my fist unclenched the second he reached for it. "I think I know," he said and pulled me with him upstairs. Past three doors and in through the fourth. The air inside was cold and immediately surrounded me, making my heart constrict, it reminded me of Azkaban. The door slammed shut behind us and I jumped, my hand slipping out of his, my heart beating wildly again.

"You're easily startled today," he pointed out before muttering a few spells to the door. Then he stalked towards me and suddenly his lips were on mine. His hands wound around my back, pressing me to him, and he was so warm. Before I had time to kiss him back, he pulled back slightly. "Is this okay?"

I hummed in agreement, chasing his lips. We hadn't kissed before, which was a shame because he was so good at it and he tasted like chocolate and wood smoke. His tongue pressed against mine and then everything turned into a scorching blur. Clothes flew everywhere and I found myself falling back onto his bed, stark naked, not even sure when we had moved towards it, and he crawled after me, making me feel like prey for a moment. And then he was right above me and then inside and I sensed nothing else but him. Lips on my neck, one hand in my hair, the other claiming my breast. I had my legs wrapped around his waist and when I clawed at his back he grunted against my collarbone. He seemed almost feral in his behaviour.

I don't know what made him so goddamn special, but he seemed to reach places inside me I had no idea existed. I tightened my legs around him, heaving for breath and digging my nails into his back, trying to get him closer, deeper.

"Silencing charms?" I choked out.

He nodded against my neck. "Yes."

And I lost it. I convulsed underneath him, threw my head back and saw stars as I came loudly, scorching tongues of fire burst from my core. Remus didn't let me rest one beat, as he continued ploughing into me, chasing his own high and almost sounding like he growled every time he went deep. His movements seemed stiff and the little I could see of his face was contorted. But then, with a definite growl from deep in his belly, he bit into my neck and came. I think I came again from the bite and his animalistic behaviour, and I was completely out of it until Remus suddenly gasped and rolled off me.

"Oh Merlin, I bit you. I'm so sorry." I could hear the shame in his voice.

I reached a hand up to touch the tender area and felt small welts starting to form from his teeth. "It's okay. I don't mind." I looked at my fingers and when I saw no blood, I put my arm behind my head and turned to look at him. "I think I actually enjoyed it."

His head snapped around, surprise in his amber eyes.

"Is it because of...?" I asked.

He nodded. "This close to the full moon, a lot of... instincts come to the surface."

I couldn't help but smirk. "I think I like that."

His own lips flashed a quick smile.

"But I should get going," I said and sat up. "Thank you though. I needed this."

Remus nodded. "I could tell."

I began walking around the room, looking for my clothes, and pulling them on as I found them. "Can you make sure Albus gets my message?" I asked as I buttoned up my jeans.

"Yeah. What is the message?"

"It's all on the parchment I left in the kitchen, but Lucius Malfoy visited the Minister again today." I looked around for my bra and found it draped over a chair by the window. Remus stared as I pulled it on and adjusted myself. "They were in the cafeteria when I grabbed a bite before the meeting with Magical Law, and then I saw them again later in the atrium when I was leaving. They looked awfully chummy."

Expecting a reply, I halted the search for my jumper and glanced at the werewolf on the bed. He was staring at my bra, a small grin on his face. Good thing he was over his shame for biting me, but honestly... I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes," he said, eyes slowly moving up to meet mine. "Albus is supposed to drop by tomorrow morning, I'll make sure he gets the note about Malfoy and the Minister being spotted in the cafeteria and later in the atrium looking chummy."

"Thank you. Where's my jumper?"

He bent down over the side of the bed, grabbed something and tossed it my way. I chortled and pulled it on, fluffing out my hair. Just before I stopped to pull on my cloak, I paused and looked at Remus again. He was still staring and it was starting to annoy me. He wore a small grin still, and it was not appropriate for the message I had just delivered. I wanted to discuss it a bit before I left, theorise and badmouth Malfoy.

"Why are you staring like that?" I asked bluntly.

He blinked slowly and seemed to refocus. "No reason."

"You'll tell Albus?"

He climbed out of bed, stark naked and sauntered over to me. "Yes, I'll tell him."

I tried so hard to keep my eyes from wandering. "I'm going to go. Until next time."

Then Remus did something completely unexpected and laid one hand on the back of my head and pressed his lips to mine. For a long moment, he lingered, leaving me a little flustered. "Until next time."

Chapter 9 | Masterlist | Chapter 11

Permanent tags: @imamotherfuckingstar-lord @geeksareunique @iguess-theyre-mymess @neeadinghugs @earinafae @mattmurdocksgirl @joulien @imaginesofdreams @brewsthespirit-blog @lemonlime799 @reading-in-moonlight

[morkitten]

esteban’s universe thoughts (spoilers)

So this week’s episodes felt like they were checking off a checklist of things we absolutely needed/wanted to see in the show for a while in really quick succession: - Genuine wholesome love between Pearl and Rose Quartz that isn’t unrequited love or unwholesome - Moments of Ruby and Sapphire alone and together that aren’t just fighting (or a flashback) and really get into their individual characters without being stereotypical or surface level about each - Characters finally growing and learning and DOING better than Rose Quartz’s mistakes - BISMUTH - Steven finally being told/realizing that trying to fix everyone else’s mistakes or be everyone’s psychologist is an unfair burden for him to take. That being said, while all these episodes have been amazing, they highlighted the biggest issue of Steven Universe since forever: Its pacing. We’ll get the same amount of episodes in quick succession about completely mundane beach city things that do not involve the gems at all or advance anything forward, and then have a dump of SEVERAL years-old hanging threads being addressed at the same time WAY too quickly, that would have been better appreciated being solved and addressed a tad slower than this. Ofc the completely hectic schedule of 6 episodes dumped in a week only to wait four months for a handful more episodes to be released makes it that much worse an issue, but even if episodes were released in a regular schedule, I feel that this issue would’ve still be felt. Season 5 has a lot of important plot & character moments, but look at Season 4, for example. None of the first 10 episodes of Season 4 advance -any- plot, and most are just completely inconsequential episodes, with only a few actually focusing on the main crew of characters and developing their characters. A third of all episodes in season 4 advance no plot or character development and are basically completely skippable! These leisure episodes were important at the beginning of the show, but with so many hanging threads, and so many plot points being -literally- bubbled, it feels like the cast is just procrastinating dealing with them, and then, when they -do- it’s just all too sudden and at once, especially for a show in which most episodes are just 11 minutes long, when a lot of shows with much less complex plots have 20 minutes-long episodes (remember how both The Cluster and the fusion of Jasper and Lapis, huge loose hanging threads throughout the entire second season, were just forgotten all through the second season and only dealt with basically in the same episode opening season 3??) Even in these great episodes, the pacing issue is present on the individual episodes too, the last episode of this batch really felt like it could’ve been stretched for one more episode. Steven astral projecting to reach Blue and Yellow Diamond could’ve been an ENTRE episode recapping the character growth of every character and Steven going inside their head to give them strength. Instead it’s dedicated to half of a two-parter episode. Steven just phases through them quickly saying just one generic line like “you can do it!” “believe in yourself!” Steven Universe is still my favorite cartoon. I watched the pilot over and over thinking it’d be too good to become a real show, that the show wouldn’t be accepted by mainstream audiences, that it was going to let me down, but it just exceeded my expectations so much at a time that I was ESPECIALLY starved for women characters, for a show with no chauvinist or sexist bs, for a show that would have any queer representation at all. I love it so dearly and it makes me cry even just thinking about some of its best moments! It’s just a bummer that, however incredible it is, it doesn’t feel like we got the best version of it. That the best version of SU is locked away in some parallel dimension where the show had better pacing, more consistency in their art, a better schedule, and maybe had more 20-minute long episodes, with the leisure ones still being 11 minutes maybe. also where is pearl’s trans girlfriend

[aion-rsa]

Flash Gordon’s Original Ending Revealed

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Following our enlightening Flash Gordon 40th anniversary interview with the film’s director, Mike Hodges, we got to have an in-depth conversation with author John Walsh. Titan Books published Walsh’s exhaustive coffee table book Flash Gordon: The Official Story of the Film last November. It was a labor of love for Walsh that delves into the making of the movie and celebrates its enduring appeal.

Walsh is a Trustee of the Ray and Diana Harryhausen Foundation, and was also behind the BBC’s critically acclaimed documentary series Sofa Surfers, which explored childhood homelessness, and the BAFTA-nominated film My Life: Karate Kids, which tackled issues of bullying among disabled children.

Den of Geek: You’ve been involved with preserving the legacy of the late Ray Harryhausen, and your first book through Titan was about some of his work. You first met him at film school in the 80s?

John Walsh: That’s right. I was BBC Young Filmmaker of the Year when I was 15. I was offered a place in London Film School when I was doing my A-levels and they sort of scooped me up. At the end of your first year you do a 16mm documentary film. I found Ray Harryhausen‘s name in the London telephone directory. I asked my parents for permission to use the phone, as you did in those days. My mom said “Ring after six when it’s cheaper.” So I rang him up and said “I’m making a film about your life and work” and he was very gracious about it. 

I went to see him. I’d done some very basic animation as a youngster but was fascinated by all his creatures and everything else. We stayed in touch over the years. He asked me to become a trustee of his foundation, so I’ve been helping to look after the vast collection, which is the largest of its kind outside of the Walt Disney Company. His daughter, Vanessa Harryhausen, and I run it with one member of paid staff. Then I did the book – Harryhausen: The Lost Movies.

At what point did you decide that Flash Gordon was next for the John Walsh treatment?

The Lost Movies was stories about films that we think we know but hadn’t been told. Titan are very good at making books on our favorite films – like Dark Crystal and Labyrinth – and those films which maybe we liked on VHS but weren’t successful when they came out theatrically. I was just thinking, gosh, no one has done a Flash Gordon book yet.

It took about eight months to get Universal Pictures and King Features, who were the rights holders for the Flash Gordon character, and Studio Canal, who now own the physical asset of that 1980 film, to come together and put a deal together. 

What happened after the deal was done?

I thought “they’ll give me all their photos because there’ll be a gazillion photos in the archive” – I got the shock of my life when there were no photos or any assets worth putting into a book! I was like “oh no, what have I done?” I drank from the poison chalice to some extent, because I thought that the work had finished when we got the rights, and it had really just started. 

Universal Pictures had some of the publicity photos, but not enough to put into a book like this. Nothing ‘behind the scenes’. I went begging around the world asking fans and different people, “please may I have your pictures if I credit you in the book?” A big part of the introduction of the book ended up being the story of how the assets had been dispersed or thrown away. The film cost three times what Star Wars cost. It cost somewhere in the region of $35 million. The idea that nobody kept any of the assets from it, the original artworks for the paintings, for the posters – gone. The models, gone. The costumes were mostly gone. 

A rare behind the scenes look at the making of Flash Gordon

It kept me up at night. I was genuinely quite worried about whether we’d get enough high quality images that would be good enough, but ultimately I got everything I wanted. I even managed to get a high quality unpublished image of Queen from 1980 for a publicity round they did in Japan. Virtually every page has something unseen, never before published, recently found.

It was around the clock. Sometimes it took 20 or 30 hours just to get one image. It was pretty all labor intensive. The easiest part was speaking to the people like the actors, but another problem existed there as well. If you take the Star Wars universe as a comparison, the various actors and filmmakers speak so regularly that you can pretty much find a consensus on how things happened and where they happened. But on this, [lead actor] Sam Jones – naughty, naughty Sam Jones! –  lovely Sam Jones, and Brian Blessed…

Brian tends to be quite creative, doesn’t he? Every time he tells a story there’s a new spin on it.

Mike [Hodges, director], told me “It’s not true what Brian says in your book that he directed one of the fight sequences.” He said “I love Brian dearly but there’s no way he directed one of the fight sequences. I was there every day and I never would have allowed him to do that. It’s just not what happened.” So between Brian and Sam, they’ve kind of filled in the gaps. As actors often do, they will inflate their parts! 

Some other bits are true. Sam did get stitches, and Dino [De Laurentiis, producer] was ready to kill someone. Two days before principal photography, there’s the lead actor getting stitches in his face. 

When I was researching the film for our piece, I couldn’t really establish how much of Sam’s audio had been replaced in post-production.

Some of Sam’s dialogue is in there! Some has been voiced on top of his voice, and some is a completely different actor in different places. If you were to cut together the different sounds and hear them all together, they sound higher and then lower.

There isn’t actually a record of who the actors are, not because anyone is trying to create conspiracy around it all, it’s just that’s one of the many assets of the film that were tossed aside. It’s more than one [other voice] Mike told me.

That’s new information to me. I knew that there was one other; I didn’t know there was more than one!

It’s more than one, and it’s Sam as well. There are at least three voices that make up Sam’s dialogue. There’s kind of a little Frankenstein’s Monster of dialogue in most places for Sam.

Do you remember the first time you watched Flash Gordon? 

Yes, it was a good movie at the time. I loved anything with science fiction! I’ll tell you what I was disappointed by: there were no robots. To me, if it had a robot in it I was like, “that’s it, I’m there, I want to buy the robot from that film.” So, I was kind of disappointed. There are no robots. 

I was obsessed with the Superman movie and how the flying sequences were created at the time. When this film came out, I thought “this is going to be better than Superman, it’s got hundreds of people flying.” But the flying sequences aren’t as sophisticated in this as they are in Superman, so my first time seeing Flash Gordon was tinged with a kind of geek boy technical disappointment about some of those aspects, and no robots. I haven’t told anyone that.

When researching the book, what ended up being the most surprising revelation?

There were two big moments. The first was when I discovered there had been an entirely different film planned – and we got the artwork, it’s in the book. Then, I found out that the film was supposed to have an entirely different ending. 

Where the film ends now, at the wedding crashing, that was the start of a new major sequence that was going to involve Ming turning into fabulous creatures and fighting Flash, the Hawkmen and the Arboria Tree Men. It all had to be cut. Literally, the pages were pulled. They were like “no time for that, haven’t got time for that.” They had the money for it, but no time.

At the back of my book are all of those scenes, and in some cases photos of scenes they shot that were cut because they couldn’t complete the effects for them, and then comprehensive storyboards with major characters like Lion Man, who was going to accompany Flash Gordon throughout the film like a Chewbacca character.

Wasn’t Lion Man in the cartoons as well as the serial? 

Yes. We got the original artwork from when Dino was going to make the film for Paramount Pictures. It shows Lion Man as part of this fantasy concept poster.

Flash Gordon concept art featuring Lion Man

When I talked to Mike last year, he still seemed somewhat baffled that he was the one who was chosen to take over from Nicolas Roeg as director. Do you think that Nic’s original vision would have worked on screen if Dino had just gone along with it?

No. For tax purposes it was very difficult to get a director in from America to do a picture, particularly in the late 70s. It was a big tax kerfuffle. British directors who’ve done major Hollywood films would have included Alan Parker, maybe John Boorman, Ridley Scott. Nic Roeg and Mike Hodges were the right fit, even though they hadn’t done special effects films.

Roeg’s version couldn’t have worked because the content was adult in tone, and also he came up with some concepts that were outside of the comic strip that would have made it much more adult-themed as well. For an audience to have followed it and enjoyed it and for the film to have had a chance to make back it’s $35 million, I think he was right to pull the plug on the Nic Roeg version. It needed to be a film that had a much broader base to make that money back. There were two sequels planned!

And Mike was originally brought in as an option for the second film.

Yes, that’s right. It was Roeg who suggested him, because he knew Mike and thought Mike would be a good fit. Mike had just been sacked from Omen II so he was suddenly available at the point when Dino parted company with Nic. It wasn’t a marriage of convenience, he was the right fit. 

Dino did this thing where if he liked your face, then you got the part or you got the work. It wasn’t about having a pretty face or anything, it was if he thought your face was sympathetic. It’s kind of an Italian superstition that you can kind of trust a man by his face. Dino wouldn’t get on an airplane if he looked at the pilot and didn’t like their face.

Wow.

Your natural instincts are often right. Dino’s were often right. He said to Mike, “I like-a your face Mike, and that’s why I chose you for this-a film.” Doing a very credible Italian accent there! I interviewed [Dino’s wife] Martha extensively for the book – she said Dino would have liked my face.

We’ve heard so many myths and legends about the Flash Gordon sequels. It seems like everyone you talk to has heard a rumor about what the story would have been. Has your own research revealed any new sequel information? 

Dino had great, great plans. Dino’s plan was to buy Pinewood Studios and to film three Flash Gordons back to back. That’s ambitious by any movie standard, isn’t it? 

Brian Blessed first put me on the trail of what the second film would have been about – it was going to be Flash Gordon’s Trip to Mars – based on the second cinema serial. In that, Flash Gordon meets the Clay Men and other people on Mars where Ming has set up base. 

Flash Gordon storyboards

40 years on, what do you think the enduring appeal of the movie is?

Flash Gordon has survived the critique of not having state of the art special effects. It’s a much more fun film to get into than Empire Strikes Back and Star Trek: The Motion Picture – two comparable big budget films of the era – as they’re kind of heavy going. 

This film was also perceived to be a Christmas film, it premiered at Christmas and received it’s TV premiere in 1983 on the BBC at Christmas. So for most people, it has a special Christmas vibe and a happy vibe about it. It looks like a Christmas ornament. 

It’s separate from other science fiction films of the time, it went in the opposite direction: rock score, kind of camp humor, brighter lit with more colors. There isn’t another film you could compare it with, except Barbarella from the 60s.

Recently, it’s come into criticism for its racial stereotyping – Ming playing effectively as a Chinese Fu Manchu character.

Yes, the BBFC has added a warning to the film now. Has the problematic nature of Ming’s portrayal changed the way you view the film?

For me it hasn’t, because when Max von Sydow played the part he didn’t have a darkening of his skin. That’s his natural facial pallor. The accent he chose is English – he decided to speak it as an English officer or an English monarch. There’s quite a kind of clash of cultures there. The facial makeup and the costume itself is definitely Red China from 1936, as Alex Raymond had envisaged. 

But I think it’s quite right the film should have a warning. I don’t think the film should be stopped, or that he should be pixelated out. I think Dino and Mike Hodges chose the best actors from the time to play these roles. You needed people who had played hard roles in films before. If they remake Flash Gordon, then I’ll be quite happy to see someone of Southeast Asian origin in the role of Ming. I think that would be spectacular.

There are levels to which this works and doesn’t work. The more extreme argument is “you wouldn’t cast a serial killer as a killer would you?” Well no, because if you’re casting for Dennis Nielsen you cast a good actor. David Tennant happens to be Scottish. I’m sorry he’s not a serial killer in real life.

That we know of, John.

That we know of. You can never trust actors, you know? Never leave them on their own in a room. But yes, I think where it’s possible and where it’s practical, it’s respectful.

Have you made any decisions about what you would like to do next, now we’ve had your take on Harryhausen, and Flash Gordon?

I’m literally in the process of delivering a manuscript for my next book. It comes out in September!

I will definitely check it out. Thank you, you’ve been brilliant.

Flash Gordon: The Official Story of the Film is available now from Titan Books. You can check out John’s The Official Story of the Film Podcast right here.

This interview has been edited for clarity.

Subscribe to Den of Geek magazine for FREE right here!

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from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2Nq8q6h

[ask-joeydrewstudios]

((this is totally subject to change at random and I don't know when or how or if it even will (probably as canon becomes more clear haha edit from the future, My City Now, canon is void regardless this is actually more or less how it happened) so I'll just give you the current version. Its a little cliche but hey I will write this AU as I please xD weird blend of rambling and fic under the cuttt because i dunno what im doing anymore))

  So it's 1928, and Joey Drew Studios had just released its first animated short. Oh boy, did it take off. It was picking up attention like nobody's business, and one of the people who it had taken the attention of was a then 15 year old Henry. He was already skilled with a pencil and interested in drawing, it was something he loved dearly and had been doing for a long time. He always had a sketchbook and at least three pencils on him, and he would draw at every given opportunity. This included on public transport, which is what would lead to what he calls one of the greatest moments of his life.

  He sits down on a train one afternoon and, with not much else to do, pulls out his sketchbook and a pencil. He still had that cartoon on his mind, it had been a few weeks and he was still thinking about it. He'd already filled a few pages with doodles of Bendy and other cartoony looking characters drawn from memory or imagination, and he was looking to fill another during the hour long train ride. He had a page he had started the night prior, so he got back to work. It wasn't long before the man sitting next to him closed his own book and expressed an interest in what he was drawing. Not much longer after that they were having an entire conversation based around art and animation and what Joey Drew Studios had been doing, all while Henry showed off the other toon drawings he had done, as well as some various studies and drawings. The guy seemed quite impressed with his work, and was even more impressed to hear that Henry was of such a young age.

  "Nice to see someone like yourself so passionate about drawing, and already so far along in mastering your craft." He had said with a chuckle.

  "Of course sir, there's nothing more in the world I love more than drawing."

  The conversation continued, and near the end of the ride Henry mentioned how he'd like to work at the animation studio one day, but he thought it was unlikely since they probably had high standards and dozens, maybe hundreds of other people probably looking to get in.

  "I wont stop dreaming, though. You never know what'll happen..." Henry’s gaze wishfully drifted up from his sketchbook and to the window across from him.

  "That's a good attitude to have, and you're quite right: you never do know what could happen." He paused. “Could I see your sketchbook for a second?”

   “Uh, sure, go ahead.” He handed the pad of paper over, and the man produced a fountain pen from his coat and flipped to the very back page. He began to write something, Henry couldn’t see what from the angle the sketchbook was held at. He finished writing, and handed it back to its owner.

   I don’t think I’ve met anyone with such a clear passion for drawing as you have, and you’re already quite skilled. I’d like to stay in contact.

   There was a mailing address, and a phone number.

   Best wishes, Joey Drew

  In the corner of the page there was a small doodle of Bendy, smiling and winking. Henry stared at the page confused for a moment, and then it clicked. He looked back up at the man, looked properly at his face for the first time which he'd kept partially obscured under the brim of his hat and a popped coat collar until now...

  Yeah. Never know what'll happen. He'd just spent the past 47 minutes talking to Joey Drew himself and he didn't realize it until now.

  ...he'd just spent the past 47 minutes being a total dork to Joey Drew himself. Oh god, what were the odds?

  "You’re-”

   “Yup!” He cut him off, not wanting him to announce his presence to the entire train. He offered his hand. “And you would be...?”

   Crap, all this time talking and they hadn’t introduced themselves. He couldn’t tell if he was making a great first impression, or a terrible one.

   “Henry.” He shook his hand, despite the fact that his own were shaking. “Pleasure to meet you.”

  "Likewise.” Joey leaned towards him with a smile and spoke in a hushed voice. “Maybe when you're a little older, and you've gotten even better, you can come work with me at my studio like you said."

  Henry was almost in tears, still in awe at the fact that he'd met The Man Himself somewhere as undramatic as a train. He shook his hand, and he had offered him a job. His dream job. This is not at all what he was expecting when he woke up this morning. All he could do was nod as Joey quietly went on about how he loved his energy, and how he felt they were destined to work together. He wouldn’t tell the kid, but he reminded him of himself in a weird way. He knew if he didn’t make the offer, their paths may never cross again and he’d regret it for the rest of his life.

   They kept talking until the train stopped, and Henry had to leave. Part of him didn't want to get off the train, but part of him did if only to finally be able to calm down. Joey sent him off with a pat on the shoulder and a smile, and when Henry took one more glimpse of him right before exiting the train he saw him give a little wave, and he returned with his own slow, shy wave and a dorky grin. Joey kept his smile as he returned to his book, Henry freaked out to himself the entire walk home while clutching his sketchbook to his chest, and his parents didn't hear the end of it for weeks. They kept in contact through the phone and letters, the latter of which always had little doodles contained within them. Joey encouraged him to keep drawing and would give advice on art and later life itself when Henry came to him with troubles, and Henry would make sure to keep up with as much studio news as possible and would give his thoughts on any new cartoons the studio produced. He saw them all multiple times. Some of his thoughts even ended up having an impact on future cartoons. Joey wasn't supposed to, but he would share extra information about them sometimes - unused ideas, things they had to cut, all that Cool Behind The Scenes stuff. The second he was able, Henry went off to work at the studio like he'd dreamed for what had been years at that point. Joey was happy to have him. They've been working together ever since.

Like I said this is entirely prone to change because we know so little about their history in canon. As much as I love the “Joey and Henry were friends before Bendy was a thing, and they made him and the studio together” idea, I like the “Henry found Joey through Bendy’s success” idea just a little more :P henry met joey because he was drawing fanart of his oc on a public train and ended up working on the cartoons he was such a fan of. honestly, goals.

also i low-key might not change this even if canon contradicts it because its really precious and wholesome and this is an au anyway. this blog’s gonna turn into a game of “just how far can I pull this out of the way of the game’s canon...”

[mostthingskenobi]

THE SECRET DUKE OF MANDALORE

Summary: Obi-Wan is struggling to put the horrors of the Kadavo slave facility behind him. Desperately needing sanctuary, he makes his way to Mandalore. He and the Duchess Satine wander through the palace gardens, but Obi-Wan is not able to hide his anxieties from her. Will Satine be able to help Obi-Wan or will his emotions get the better of him?

This piece was inspired by a conversation I saw on Tumblr ( @forcearama and some other lovelies, thank you very much for the inspiration!!) . Some delightful folks were discussing how amazing it would be if it turned out that Obi-Wan and Satine had been secretly married all along (just like Anakin and Padme). I loved the idea! It got the ol’ gears in my head turning and this is what came out.

It’s not that fluffy, I suppose, but it’s my version of fluff.

It’s certainly not my best piece but I don’t really care. It was meant to be something fun for me to focus on. :)

If you’re interested, it takes place about a year after my other Obitine piece, A Jedi’s Resolve.

FAN ART INSPIRED BY THE STORY: Want to see some art for this story? Click Here to see Obi-Wan and Satine.

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Mandalore

The gardens were lush and beautiful, their natural wildness flowing effortlessly with stone paths, cobbled bridges, and moss covered embankments; the walls were solid and high, protecting Obi-Wan and Satine from intrusive observations; the grounds were boundless, extending endlessly in every direction. A gentle evening breeze tousled the leaves above as little tufts of cottony fluff filtered through the low angled sunrays.

Obi-Wan could hardly remember the last time he had experienced such beauty. He could almost pretend nothing existed beyond this stone enclosure, no war nor death nor suffering. A tightness suddenly clenched in his chest and he held his breath until his rising emotions subsided.

These were Satine’s private gardens, constructed in the base of an ancient castle, planned and planted by her father’s family long before the modern domed cities dotted the planet. She kept them as a tribute to her father’s legacy, a symbol of a more elegant, softer side of Mandalore’s past. As she and Obi-Wan entered this sanctuary, and were no longer subject to her eavesdropping retinue, their conversation naturally dwindled. She was used to Obi-Wan’s manners and practiced conversation, but he was unusually quiet. His smile never quite reached his eyes, betraying his deeper sense of unrest. As they entered a warm sunny spot near several ancient trees, she suddenly felt his body tense against her hand that was still tucked under Obi-Wan’s arm. She realized he was holding his breath and that his teeth were clenched so tightly his jaw look twisted.

This could not go on. She took his hands in hers and led him under a tall tree with long, low-hanging undulating branches. Her voice was quiet and gentle. “I am glad to see you, my love, but you are not yourself.” She placed a hand on his cheek. “What’s happened, Obi-Wan? Why have you come?”

He closed his eyes and leaned into her palm, savoring the kindness. “I’ve been placed on mandatory leave,” he finally said flatly.

She was surprised. Kenobi would never willingly agree to being taken off the front lines. “Why would the Council do that to you?”

Obi-Wan shook his head and turned away. He began pacing back and forth, looking more exhausted than agitated. “I suppose it’s because I wasn’t able to focus, that I was short tempered and distracted.”

Satine’s brow crinkled into a skeptical frown. “That doesn’t sound like you at all. Did something specific happen to put you in this distracted state?”

He looked at her archly, half embarrassed, half frustrated. “I believe the term Master Yoda used was battle fatigue.”

She could see he hated to even say the phrase, and she could sense that he was not being entirely honest with her. He averted his eyes, turning to stare across the sunny garden; that was when she finally saw it. A barely healed scar was creeping up above the edge of his high collar, a pair of fierce, puckered intersecting lines that were irritated by the rubbing fabric. She came forward and gently pulled his collar aside, revealing a ghastly pattern cut through his flesh. She caught her breath, frozen in horror.

Obi-Wan did not recoil from her, did not try to hide his wounds. He simply took her hands in his, pulling them away from his neck, and said, “It’s nothing. Just another mission.” He reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear then brushed his fingers along her cheek. “How I’ve missed you.”

There was a vulnerability in his eyes that Satine had never seen before, a heartbreak that she did not understand.

He looked down at her and smiled abashedly. “I’m sorry if I’ve put you in an awkward position by coming here. I couldn’t bear to stay on Coruscant but I truly had nowhere else to go.”

“Nonsense,” she said firmly, tracing his handsome brow with her fingertips. “You always have a place by my side.” She looked down at his strong fingers wrapped around her tiny wrist, marveling at the pleasure it gave her, when she noticed several deep lacerations carved across the back of his hand and along the edge of his thumb. Fear gripped her as she traced the lines that disappeared under his shirt cuff; the wounds were healed but they were grisly and looked painful.

“What is this?” she finally asked. “What’s happened to you, Obi-Wan?”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

She felt like shouting at him for saying such a stupid thing, but she knew that would not help; she could sense that he needed comfort rather than provocation. “How can I not worry when you have so obviously been brutalized?”

They had an understanding, a new trust that was forged nearly a year ago when they had rekindled their passions. He knew she would not humiliate him or faun over him like a nurse, but he was still reluctant to tell her his truth; he did not want his horrors to become her nightmares.

“Tell me,” she urged.

He looked into her earnest eyes and he felt something in him budge, his inherent stubbornness yielded and allowed him to test this trust in a way he had never dared before. “Have you ever heard of the Zygerrian slave markets?”

She became very still as dread consumed her. “Yes,” she said quietly. “It’s said they are filled with unspeakable atrocities.”

Obi-Wan nodded. “The rumors are true.” He looked away, no longer able to make eye contact. “Several months ago an entire colony of Togrutas vanished from Kiros. Anakin and I were sent to investigate. We traced them to the Zygerrian markets. It was…” he swallowed thickly, is throat suddenly dry. “…It was a horrible place.”

Satine took his face in her hands as much for her own comfort as for his.

His voice was barely more than a whisper. “I made a stupid mistake.”

“But you don’t make mistakes,” she smiled gently, trying to brighten his mood.

“If only that were true.”

Satine touched the scars encircling his wrist. “It looks as though you paid dearly for your oversight.”

He suddenly looked like he might cry. He pushed away from her, desperation and anger flashing through his heart.

She wanted to reach out to him, wanted to take all his pain away, but she held herself in place, allowing him the space he needed.

“I wasn’t the only one who paid dearly,” he fumed. “I made an impulsive decision and misjudged my surroundings. The Zygerrians captured me and…” How could he tell her what they had done to him, what they did to the Togruta? Could he tell her how the Zygerrians dragged him into a cell where they beat and whipped him before leading him into the citadel market? How could he describe the Kadavo facility where innocent beings were tortured in front of him, because of him?

Obi-Wan felt like a great darkness was swallowing him. The entire weight of this brutal war seemed to crash down on him all at once. He curled in on himself, shaking with rage and unprocessed emotions; he had been fighting exhaustion and bitterness before they were sent to Zygerria, but afterwards he had been devastated and traumatized. Obi-Wan wanted to disappear, to escape the feelings that constantly preyed on him.

Heartbroken, Satine watched grief overwhelm the man she loved. She knew him well enough to not go charging in before he was ready. She gave him a moment to compose himself while rage boiled in her like a violent storm. Once again, as they had done countless times, the Jedi Council sent Kenobi into the anooba’s den without a second thought for the consequences. She despised their hypocrisy, their false claims for peace. How could they incessantly use Obi-Wan, take advantage of his diplomacy and kindness and strength without caring what it did to his soul?

She looked at him with renewed affection. His back was turned to her but she could see his eyes squeezed shut as he ran a hand over his face. This Jedi was the embodiment of altruism in a brutal galaxy; the horrible scars, the torture and pain he faced daily, were an enraging injustice. Obi-Wan Kenobi deserved better.

Satine went to him immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing their bodies together as she closed her lips over his, kissing him fiercely. She pushed her fingers through his thick auburn hair, pulling it gently until she felt his tension ease. He wrapped himself around her completely, his arms pulling her up onto her tiptoes, as he returned her kiss. Physical comfort was a rarity, if not outright forbidden, in the Code. Obi-Wan had thoroughly underestimated the healing power of being in Satine’s arms; she felt like she was designed for him, like her shape and smell and lips were the perfect match for his own. He had been self-conscious about coming to her in a moment of weakness, but as she held him and kissed him, he knew he had been a fool not to come sooner.

“If it is too horrible to speak of, you need never tell me what happened,” she finally whispered.

“That’s just it,” he said, resting his forehead against hers. “If I come to you tonight, you’ll see for yourself what happened.”

She understood him. “Is it so awful?” She could barely get the words out.

He took a steadying breath. “It is.”

Satine bit her lip, holding back the sob that threatened to climb up her throat. What had Obi-Wan suffered?

She controlled her emotions quickly; she could not allow herself a moment of weakness, she had to stay strong for him. “Your scars will never repel me,” she finally managed to say. “They may anger me, but only because the thought of anyone hurting you is abhorrent to me.” She ran a hand along his beard. “You need never be ashamed or self-conscious. I love you, not your body.” She gave him a sudden coy smile and brushed his lips with her thumb. “Well, I rather enjoy your body but that is another matter entirely.”

This tease elicited his first genuine smile, a little shy smirk that she rather enjoyed.

Sadly, the pleasure was short lived as his eyes grew narrow with dark thoughts. She shook him a little, trying to reinvigorate his strength. “Obi-Wan, I have never known you to be concerned with your appearance.” She snorted internally, realizing that the ridiculously handsome Jedi knew damn well how dashing he was. She also understood that he was not remotely concerned with superficial attraction, nor was his gorgeous hair, perfect bone structure, nor beautiful eyes meant to be intentionally distracting. Obi-Wan was naturally disarming, his charm never premeditated, and his good looks a blessing from the gods. She knew that his scars would not make him self-conscious; there was something darker bothering him.

He held his fists out in front of him, staring down at the awful marks stretching over his wrists and the back of his hands. “When I see my own body,” he said quietly, “I’m reminded of those who suffered far worse than I.”

“You carry too much pain in your heart, Obi-Wan. War does not agree with you.”

Satine’s words sent ice through his veins. This war had stretched him emotionally and physically; he did not know how much more he could take. When he was young he would never have believed the galaxy could hold so much suffering. He had always believed in the inherent goodness of life, that love, kindness, and empathy would win out in the end. For the first time, he was not so sure. Was it enough to find goodness in one’s own life, to live simply, to carve out one’s own corner of happiness? Was there any point carrying on an endless battle to protect the weak and continue standing up to injustice? Could he give up the cause?

No, he thought, I could never turn my back on those in need.

It was Obi-Wan’s nature to fight for what he believed in. But what if it destroyed him? What if his beliefs led him to ruin? What if it ruined the ones around him, the ones he loved?

As these thoughts raced through Obi-Wan’s mind, panic began to rise in his chest. His hands clenched into trembling fists while he fought for air. Just as he was about to collapse to the ground, Satine’s arms wrapped around him, shoring him up, pulling him protectively against her body. Obi-Wan curled into her, burring his face in the crook of her neck while he held his breath and squeezed his eyes shut. She gently kissed his temple and cheek and lips, whispering quietly to him in Mando’a.

“The Zygerrians used my strengths against me, undermined me at every turn,” he finally gasped out. “I can’t carry this burden anymore, Satine. It’s going to kill me.”

She looked him squarely in the eyes and spoke firmly. “Then confess it all to me. Right now. Tell me everything. Say what needs to be said. You must not keep this toxin in your heart.”

The idea of divulging his burdens frightened him but he could not stop the words before they poured out. “I hold so many lives in my hands; those who fight by my side, those whom I love, those that I train. But there are others, innocent lives that are lost because of my decisions, beings on planets I may never visit. So many people have died because of me.”

Satine hated to hear Obi-Wan say such a thing about himself, but she refused to interrupt him; the pain he carried was too real.

“That responsibility hangs over me everyday. Nothing distilled that more clearly than my time spent on Kadavo.” He could see that she had never heard of the place. “It’s a slave processing facility, or it was before the Jedi destroyed it. It’s where the Zygerrians took me, it’s where the Togruta colonists were being held.”

She slowly began to understand; Obi-Wan had not just been taken prisoner, he had been taken as a slave. The Zygerrians were known for their brutal use of laser whips, for “processing” poor creatures with torture and hard labor until they became acquiescent. Her eyes became wide as she realized how Obi-Wan had received his scars.

“Every time I tried to help I just made things worse. I’ve never been so helpless in my whole life.” He could not bring himself to say anymore.

Satine was horrified. This man lived to help others; he relied on his strengths in the face of injustice. What had these monsters done to break him so completely? She could sense there was more that he was not telling her, and though she truly feared what she would discover, she had no intention of leaving him to suffer on his own.

“Show me,” she finally said. “If you cannot bring yourself to say it out loud then show me. Share your burdens, Obi-Wan.”

He was shocked by her suggestion. “I couldn’t,” he said. “You shouldn’t have to witness that kind of horror.”

She could see he was conflicted, not wanting to expose her to violent images but desperate for relief. She pulled herself up to her full height, regal, elegant, and powerful. “Isn’t that why you came to Mandalore? Didn’t you come seeking comfort, seeking to unburden yourself? Didn’t you come here, to me, because you knew I could help carry your pain?”

He hated to admit it but her words were true. Of all the beings in the galaxy, he had needed Satine, truly needed her, because she had unmatched strength. She had seen her world burn but never lost faith in her people. She knew Obi-Wan more intimately than anyone else. He chose to come to Mandalore almost on instinct, without a second thought, yearning for Satine’s fortitude and compassion. He would have been embarrassed to ask anyone else for assistance, and he had been certain that if she could help him she would do it without question.

Satine pulled him close and ran her hands up the back of his head through his hair, causing him to shudder. She watched his soft eyelashes flutter before she placed a lingering kiss at the corner of his mouth. “You know I am strong,” she said quietly. “I have seen misery and war. I’m not afraid, Obi-Wan. Share your pain with me and I will help carry your heavy heart.”

He scooped Satine up, desperate to hold her, both arms wrapping around her waist. He looked into her pale blue eyes for a moment before gently pressing his lips against hers, reveling in the soft warmth. The more he kissed her the more intoxicated he felt. If only he could stay with her forever.

She always forgot how strong he was; his arms slid up her curves as his kiss deepened. He was not a bulky man but he was exquisitely fit and Satine always found herself nearly delirious with pleasure when he cast aside his reserve and defied the Jedi’s ridiculous rules. However, despite their mutual desire, she sensed sickening tension throughout his body.

“Show me now,” she whispered.

He understood her immediately. He pulled her tighter, enveloping her body, placing his hands flat across her back. Then, in spite of his better judgment, he kissed her again and used the Force to reveal the horrors he experienced on Zygerria and Kadavo.

The pleasure of their intertwined bodies took the edge off the pain, deadened the terror ever so slightly.

As Obi-Wan unveiled more and more, and their emotions grew stronger, Satine held on to him with manic hands, desperately fighting the sensation that she was falling into a dark, endless chasm. The images he shared washed over her faster than she could process.

Obi-Wan was shot in the back of his right shoulder and fell off a brezak into the clutches of the Zygerrian guard. They bashed him in the face with a blaster before dragging him into the catacombs beneath the citadel. His only comfort was they did not suspect he was a Jedi.

Obi-Wan was chained to a wall in a dark, miserable cell. He was lashed endlessly and interrogated by Atai Molec, the Zygerrian prime minister, who had recognized Kenobi almost immediately.

Obi-Wan was in the auction square, his body beaten and bloody, fighting dozens of Zygerrian guards, when a laser whip made contact with the shock collar around his throat. The searing pain that radiated through his body made him lose consciousness.

Obi-Wan stood on a Kadavo landing platform and watched helplessly as seven Togrutas fell to their death, plummeting into a bottomless pit – a special welcoming gift from the processing center’s warden, Keeper Agruss.

Togruta men, women, and children toiled in a dark, sweltering mine; some were worked to death, others were beaten as entertainment for the guards, most were lashed regularly for no reason at all.

A Togruta male was nearly whipped to death because Obi-Wan had spoken out of turn. Whenever the Jedi stepped out of line the Zygerrians made him watch while they tortured an innocent colonist. It was the worst punishment a Jedi could endure.

It did not take long for Obi-Wan to become desperate. He was not sure Anakin would ever find them. He was not sure he would ever be free of this hell designed especially for him. Many gentle souls were tortured in his name. He had never known such agony.

Satine was suddenly released from the visions and she pushed away from Obi-Wan turning her back on him. Breathing heavily, fighting unimaginable heartbreak, she looked out at the beautiful swaying trees and the gauzy sunlight filtering through the soft leaves. The lovely view was a strange contrast to the horror she had just seen. Tears streamed silently down her cheeks as she tried to process the senseless violence that Obi-Wan had been forced to experience. “This is why the Council required you to take mandatory leave?”

“Yes.”

“Battle fatigue?”

He snorted. “Yes.”

“Do they know the extent of what happened?”

Obi-Wan cleared his throat uncomfortably. “They know some of what happened.”

“How do you carry all this despair on your own?” she asked.

“I don’t have much choice.”

She turned to face him. “Not anymore.” She crossed to him and folded herself into his arms, pressing her cheek against his chest. “You are not alone in this universe, Obi-Wan. You must allow others to help you.”

“I’m so sorry, Satine. I shouldn’t have shown you.”

“No, you misunderstand me. I will always help you, my love, no matter how heavy your burden. We will help each other. You have cared for me in the past, tended to my safety and protected me. Now I will do the same for you.”

A flicker of hope flared up in his heart. She was right; he was not alone. He had her. He had a love, and she was strong and spectacular. “Thank you,” he whispered.

She pulled back and looked up into his brilliant blue eyes. “That’s what a good wife does.”

Surprise flashed across his face as his gaze sharpened. “Wife?” He was shocked to see Satine blush for the first time since they were young.

“Would you like to marry me, Obi?”

His mouth hung open until he finally said, “You’re asking me now, in a moment like this, after seeing all that misery?”

“Yes. It’s clearer to me than ever before. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. Our lives are too short to be wasted. We will be stronger together than we are as individuals.” She looked at him with burning vibrant eyes. “Well?” she prodded impatiently. “Do you agree? Would you like to be my husband?”

He blinked, dumbfounded. Then he said, “Yes. I would.”

It was Satine’s turn to be shocked. She had not expected him to say yes. In truth, she expected him to smirk and tease her before dismissing the idea. “You would?”

He nodded then brought her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her palm.

“What about the Code?”

“Do you want me or not?” he teased.

“I do,” she said incredulously, “but I never thought you would defy the Jedi so blatantly.”

“I defied them the moment I fell in love with you, and again on Coruscant when we spent that night together in your rooms…”

“That was rather fun,” she interrupted with a coy laugh.

He smiled roguishly. “Indeed it was.” He took both her hands in his. “I want to marry you. But I will not leave the Jedi.”

“Then it is to be a secret?”

He nodded.

“Yes, I suppose it must be,” she said, thinking out loud. “Very well. You will be my secret husband.” She smiled brightly.

He leaned in and kissed her, a sense of pure joy flooding over him; he felt happy for the first time in months. A thought suddenly crept into his mind, a perfect jibe to tease her with. “Does this mean I will be a duke?” he asked arching his brow.

“Secret dukes do not hold any power in Mandalore. I’m afraid your title would be strictly ornamental, and you would not be free to disclose your status to anyone but me…”

“Wedding’s off then!” he shouted.

As he laughed, she swooped in and kissed him before he could tease her any further.

Growing more serious again, his eyes softened as he gently ran a thumb along the corner of her mouth. A new, more self-conscious thought had suddenly taken hold of him. “After all you’ve just seen, are you sure you really want me?”

Satine’s response was simple and final. “I’ve only ever wanted you, Obi-Wan.”

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SEQUEL CHAPTER

I've written the next scene in a separate fic called

When Obi-Wan Married Satine

.

Hope you enjoyed :)

READ IT ON AO3 - Kudos and comments welcome :-)

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CHECK OUT SOME OF MY OTHER WORK

The Dark Side of Obi-Wan Kenobi - Part 1 Summary: What would it take for Obi-Wan Kenobi to lose faith in the Jedi Code? Darth Maul and some other baddies are eager to find out. An AU where Obi-Wan does not escape Mandalore after Satine’s death. Darth Maul makes good on his threat and imprisons Kenobi in the Sundari prison. Will our handsome ginger-bearded Jedi Master survive or will Maul exact perfect revenge?

A Jedi’s Resolve Summary: Obi-Wan and Satine finally have a moment alone. Will he stand by his Jedi Code, or will she force his resolve to crack? Takes place during Season 2 of The Clone Wars after episode 14, “Duchess of Mandalore.”

Wounded Jedi Summary: When Obi-Wan is gravely injured during a botched rescue operation, he turns to Mandalore for sanctuary. Reunited with Satine after months of separation, the Jedi and his Duchess find it difficult to resist their desires. A bit of blood and violence, some merciless flirting, and some classy smut.

Jedi Nightmares Summary: It’s been about 3 months since Qui-Gon was killed. Obi-Wan is struggling with nightmares, desperately missing his Master, while Anakin is trying to conquer his own fear. An emotional, fluffy piece where Kenobi wakes in the middle of the night and hears his Padawan having a bad dream in the other room. Obi-Wan battles his emotions while helping Anakin navigate his own. Lots of fluff, angst, and love.

[whole-dip]

E.T. Adventure

Universal Studios Florida opened on June 7th, 1990. At the time, it was only one theme park but has since grown into two parks, a lifestyle center, multiple hotels, a water park, and soon a third park with accompanying dining and shopping options. Despite starting fairly small, Universal Studios always intended to make a big debut. Steven Spielgberg was one of the biggest collaborators with Universal on the project, and to this day still consults with them on occasion. The park’s located just 15 miles away from Disney’s Magic Kingdom and is often either a part of a family’s trip to Orlando, or potentially the main destination entirely. Being so close to Walt Disney World does unfortunately bring about comparisons between the two entities. While Disney tends to only respond to Universal in ways that require you to infer intent, Universal tends to frame themselves as the underdog and punch up. Many of their rides, shows, and experiences will make playful jabs at the big guys next door, usually for cheap laughs. It makes sense, everyone loves an underdog and Universal knew that it would be really hard to compete. Having said that, Universal did make a big impact when they first opened. Their Jaws ride, once it got working, was phenomenal. The Funtastic World of Hanna-Barbera was a big crowd pleaser as well. Many of the opening day attractions have since closed though, except for one that is perhaps the most beloved attraction for die hard Universal Orlando fans, The E.T. Adventure.

The E.T. Adventure’s development was personally overseen by Steven Spielberg and his involvement has kept the ride open in Orlando despite versions in other parks having closed. While Jaws showed the terror that Universal could deliver better than Disney, E.T. aimed to compete against Disney’s magic. This ride is perhaps most analogous to Peter Pan’s Flight, a ride that was an opening day attraction at Disneyland in 1955. Like Pan, E.T. suspends your ride vehicle from the roof and has you soaring over a beautiful cityscape and then a fantasy world. While Pan can at times feel dated, E.T. set out to be a modern rendition. Neverland is a fantasy island of yesterday, but E.T. would take you lightyears away. This type of comparative nature is something at Universal often actively courts but can sometimes be to their detriment. E.T. luckily, is not as obviously similar but rather, aims to be a fun update, inviting others to raise the bar even further in turn. 

Our journey begins with a short video of Steven Spielberg in the forests of California. He informs us that E.T.’s home, the green planet, is dying and that we must help E.T. get back so that his healing touch can bring life back. We’ll even be riding bicycles just like Elliot and his friends did. Once the video concludes, the doors in front of us open to a forest path we’ll be walking on our way to our bikes.

This preshow video does what many preshow videos do, inform guests of what they need to know to understand the story, and some basic safety info on the ride vehicle. What this video does that’s very important, is establish a sense of urgency in our mission. We’re not simply visiting the green planet, we are journeying there with E.T. to save it. Imagineer Tony Baxter has often stressed the importance of when Peter Pan shouts “Here we go!” on Peter Pan’s flight because a ride’s key job is to bring the guest on an adventure WITH the characters, not simply to view it. Under the lens of a successor to Pan, E.T. advances this element into 1990. 

As we walk the path we see E.T.’s speak and spell communicator, and even a transmission from Botanicus, an elder of E.T.’s species. The queue is incredibly detailed and even features a forest scent that many love dearly. While many rides before this one featured detailed queues that started your story experience before sitting in the ride vehicle, E.T. Adventure is noted for being one of the best. This practice is sometimes referred to as, “scene one”

Next, we board our bikes and set off through the forest to get E.T. home. Right when we set off we see a small figure rise up underneath a blanket in our bike basket, it’s E.T.! As we ride E.T. guides us and warns us of the government agents trying to capture him. We dodge and take sharp turns as we avoid them, some of them even try to run us over. As we ride trying to avoid them it seems there’s only one path uphill. What seems like a dead end turns out to be the boost we needed as E.T.’s magic lifts us up and over the hill, flying us over the cityscape below, the night sky all around us, our shadows passing upon the moon.

This first half of the ride is pure magic. It perfectly recreates the excitement and wonder of the E.T. film as we journey to save our misunderstood alien friend. I genuinely tear up when I’m riding this part, and I’m not a particularly big fan of the movie. It also is perhaps the hardest sequence for the ride to pull off because despite being suspended from the roof, it must simulate riding on dirt path. It gets close enough to convey the idea, but it never really quite gets there. To compare once more, while Pan almost immediately has you setting off into the night sky, E.T. takes more time with the build up so that when you’re flying, you truly are taken aback by the experience. If you stop to think about why your shadow would appear on the moon for any longer than the ride depicts it you’ll come up with numerous reasons as to why that doesn’t make sense, but in the moment, it doesn’t matter because you’re well and truly flying. 

We fly through the stars and arrive on the surface of the green planet to find that it is in a sad state. Smoke is billowing all around, it is dark save but only for a few strange red glow, and water is bubbling. All we can see are rocks around us. We see Botanicus, in person this time, and he urges E.T. to press on so that he may heal the world. From here, we continue riding and E.T. disappears from our baskets as he goes on foot to begin to help. From here, we follow the sparkle of E.T.’s healing touch as it literally brings light to the darkness and all of E.T.’s friends joyfully spring up thanking us for our help. What was once gloomy and dark rocks is now a lively world of plant creatures that are singing and dancing in celebration. Water hops all around and we hear the E.T. theme played on kazoo-like instruments. Swinging upon the chords of a natural harp are little babies of E.T.’s species wishing we could play with them. We even see one swinging from a vine above us. E.T. is our guide in each of these scenes, the last of which is E.T. wishing us farewell from his little cottage. He personally says goodbye to everyone by name. As we arrive back on earth we see the constellation of E.T.’s hand touching Elliot’s in the night sky before we disembark.

This second half of the ride is admittedly, not my favorite. Personally, I think it suffers from ruining the superior version of what we imagined E.T.’s planet to be like by providing a definitive answer. The bigger issue here, is that it’s downright weird. I don’t know what you imagined E.T.’s planet to be like but I’m willing to bet it wasn’t like this. I’ve always hated when people dismiss creative and imaginative works of art as simply the results of someone being on drugs, but this is perhaps the one time I think it might be apt. This part of the ride, and especially E.T.’s friends, have been noted for frightening children because of how strange and surreal it is. Even big fans of the ride often cite the strangeness of the green planet as what they love. Still though, it is an artistic feat. Words truly cannot describe the Lisa Frank-esque magical wonder of the green planet. Again, the comparison to Peter Pan’s Flight shows just how much of a souped up version of that ride this is. I mean, they both end with the star filled night sky even. While E.T. Adventure may go a little off the rails, it still knows the emotional core at its heart and never loses its focus on the friendship that spans all of space. 

And with that, another analysis is complete. There’s a lot to say about Universal, the park has always struggled with its identity in the shadow of Walt Disney World but it’s started to come into its own in recent years. I’m hopeful for Epic Universe and what’s to come, it seems the sarcastic punching up has shifted more towards an earnest attempt to outdo the competition. Many fans feel the theme park arms race currently going on benefits us all and I’m inclined to agree. 

[fangirlnationmag]

It’s Sam, your Cosplay Savant here and it’s time for a NEW set of Cosplay Features! With COVID 19 getting people down we wanted to share some INCREDIBLY CREATIVE folks who YOU can follow online without leaving your home! First up: Air Bubbles Cosplay!

First Cosplay: Codex from The Guild

Location: Seattle, Washington

Gender: Female

Welcome Air Bubbles Cosplay! Let’s kick this off with my favorite question: What was the FIRST convention you attended?

My first convention was probably Sakuracon. I can’t remember quite when because it was before I really cared much about conventions or cosplay. I attended with my mom because my sister had a booth (she’s an artist). The first convention I ever attended for myself was probably PAX West (PAX Prime back in the day) in 2008. I went for one day, mostly to stare at everything Halo related.

Halo…I remember being smitten by that game when I was younger. So, are you a part of any cosplay organizations?

Currently, I am not part of any organizations. I am apart of a lot of groups that I love dearly such as Seattle Online Broadcasters Association and She-Prop but no organizations yet!

I ADORE She-Prop! Do you have any pop culture genres that inspire your cosplay style?

I like to keep myself pretty open to any and all cosplay genres. I really like to create costumes that speak to me or be characters that I feel a close connection with. Even though I keep myself open I do have my favorites! I have cosplayed quite a bit from Magic the Gathering (the card game) and my first armor build and second cosplay ever was Chandra, Pyromaster. A fiery hot red head with some attitude. I also cosplay from the video game Destiny. I cosplay very frequently as Mara Sov, the Queen of the Reef. That particular cosplay turned 4 this year! Lastly, I am a huge fan of the show Critical Role. I’ve been a fan since the first campaign and continue to follow it to this day. While I don’t have many cosplays from it, I always keep my eyes peeled for some fan drawn art to create based on my favorite characters!

Pyromaster Chandra

Mara Sov

Codex

I am seeing a gaming trend here; you’re a cosplayer after my own heart! What motivates you to create cosplay?

Ever since I was a child I wanted to be an actor of some sorts, I ended up moving away from that in college when I discovered costume design, but my heart still really enjoys becoming a character and being on a stage. My entire life goal of what I wanna be when I grow up is a professional content creator (which I have been able to dip my toes into!), so my motivations are pretty much, learning new things, bringing characters I love and others love to life, teaching what I’ve learned to other people and that… awe factor. I shove lights and smoke into anything I can because I love the look of awe and shock on people’s faces, especially kids. Warms my heart!

Special Effects in costumes often add that extra “zing” that pushes the creation to the next level. Do you have any particular expectations of yourself or others in cosplay?

I find putting expectations on others is something I don’t do too often. I have a lot of expectations of myself though because I can control that. For others I at least expect people to be kind, respectful and helpful. I’ve encountered a few cosplayers in my day who took losing a contest very poorly and talked badly about the winners, or who were just overall rude to everyone other than their friends or famous people and lastly I’ve seen people gate keep tips and tricks. I find the cosplay community grows positively when people share things they’ve discovered that have helped them! This is why I teach panels, I love to share those little tips and tricks I wish I had known when I first started. As far as expectations for myself, I have a few over different scenarios. I compete a lot because I love the stage and I love to meet new people. Not necessarily an expectation but I try to make at least one friend every time I’m backstage. I’ve made so many amazingly talented people that way and I love it! I also expect to be kind, respectful and helpful as best I can. I really lean into that helpful and kind part because as a streamer I want to be a super chill and fun place to hang out where you could learn a thing or two!

I like your chill, it’s absolutely needed in this community. Speaking of the cosplay community: who do you admire in it?

I admire a lot of people in the community. Partially for their drive and talent but also their heart. I really admire my friend Hannah (Miss Tyo) a lot. She is an abundance of knowledge and loves to share it. She’s taught me so many things as a seamstress and it’s really helped keep my head on straight! And she’s honestly just the nicest person ever. If you ever see her a con, maybe say hi and see if she has any neat tips or tricks to share! Every costume she makes has a little nugget in it. I would also have to say my friend Kat (Valkryie Studios). We had a rough patch (we’ve known each other awhile), which I won’t get into but through that we both grew as people and as creators. She can build anything she puts her mind to and isn’t afraid of trying new things. She has admitted she is not particularly good at sewing but picked a character that had an embroidered jacket. She created a pattern and taught herself how to embroider all the detail on. She has a keen eye for detail and sets out to really capture the detail of everything she makes and it just blows me away every time. We just attended C2E2 together mostly to meet a bunch of Critical Role fans like us and the amount of love and joy her costumes and props have brought that community just seriously warmed my heart. I aspire to bring that to the communities I am a part of too. I will also add Kamui Cosplay and Kinpatsu Cosplay. Their patterns and tutorials have helped me SO SO much. I am terrible at shapes sometimes and their patterns have helped me get unstuck on certain costumes. I hope I can give back a fraction of what they have to the community someday.

Alright…the time has come: What is YOUR favorite cosplay?

My favorite cosplay?! Oh geez, I think I have a tie… Chandra has been one I’ve made… 3 times I think? She is my favorite character and I’ve worn her A LOT. She even helped me get some work with Wizards of the Coast last year where I attended San Diego Comicon as Chandra and then created a custom Chandra cosplay for the famous shogi player, Manoa Kagawa in Japan. Yes… I did get to go to Japan and hand deliver the cosplay, it was the most amazing time of my life and was one week before my wedding! And the other tie goes to Mara Sov from Destiny. Mara Sov was a cosplay that I won my first award in (ECCC 2015, 3rd in Tailoring) and I’ve also made a few different versions of her. I feel like a queen in that cosplay and the Destiny cosplay community is just so kind and fun to be around! I just love wearing her and being able to be a part of that community.

Pyromaster Wizards

Mara Sov 2

Woah…that is amazing. Well…since we’re on the favorites train, do you have a favorite cosmaterial?

Favorite cosplay material is, hands down, Worbla. Worbla every day any day, I love it so much. I also have some schooling background in sewing so fabric is nice.. sometimes. Also.. LED’s. I love putting lights in everything!

I can’t disagree with you on Worbla…their thermoplastic series are very adaptable. Let’s get to wrapping this up as I could talk with you all day and I am sure you have lots of creative things to focus on. So, for our last question, what advice do you have for cosplayers out there?

The advice I have is similar to expectations. Be kind, be respectful and helpful. Helpful could be just a safety pin that someone needed because their skirt tore or a hot glue gun or an amazing tutorial. It can come in all levels! I also want to tell you, don’t be afraid. Some people have been doing this a long time, some people haven’t and some people learn and grow faster than others. Go at your own pace and create what YOU love. If you make something you think is popular and you hope it makes you popular, I guarantee it will not look as good as something you’ve poured your heart into and you will feel much better wearing something you love. Yes, I have made something I thought was popular and I hated every second I wore the costume and it looked awful. Also if you want to compete but you’re scared… that’s ok! Just do it! You’ll meet amazing people in the process and you’ll have a great time!

FOLLOW AIR BUBBLES COSPLAY ON… Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/air_bubbles_cosplay/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/AirBubbles Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/airbubblescosplay/ Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/airbubblescosplay Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/airbubbles Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/airbubblescosplay

Photographer Credits: UN4A0151EE – Alexadra Lee Studios – Mara Sov from Destiny ChandraClose – Soul Studios – Chandra from Magic the Gathering Beaufull – Soul Studios – Beau from Critical Role WarlockFire – Soul Studios – My own warlock from Destiny 2 kagawasan – idobataer – Custom Chandra I created NewMara – The Portrait Dude – Mara Sov, dreaming city version from Destiny 2 Scanlanjourney – Journeys in Color – Scanlan from Critical Role DSC00753 – Eurobeat Kasumi – Una, the Skyhunter from Warmachine taako – KP11 Photography – Taako from The Adventure Zone

Cosplay Feature – Air Bubbles Cosplay It's Sam, your Cosplay Savant here and it's time for a NEW set of Cosplay Features! With COVID 19 getting people down we wanted to share some INCREDIBLY CREATIVE folks who YOU can follow online without leaving your home!