#and i said well i dont do that so i must not be autistic

[ban-joey]

actually marking another one on the autism list. why are my favorite stories always the ones about "what is it that makes you a person" and why do i find the most kinship with the characters above which that question looms. anyway

[the-goya-jerker]

do you have any thoughts on nine inch nails/their song “closer” and the music video for it?

to preface: i am autistic and nine inch nails is a special interest for me. “closer” has a deeper meaning than “the sex song” and is part of a big concept album, and i genuinely think trent reznor is a great artist & director, but people brush off his music/videos because it’s “just” sexual or controversially erotic. well, like klimt or whoever said, all art is erotic!! everything has value no matter what part of your brain it is appealing to. the-goya-jerker dot tumblr dot com i think you are the only guy who actually understands this. you dont have to agree with me i just respect how you view art from the perspective of a nine inch nails fan

Thank you for bringing your special interest to me, dear stranger. I am a king, presented a beautiful gift on a velvet cushion. A princess being given the dearest of unicorn foals to nurture here.

I never knew that The Downward Spiral was a concept album. (My music knowledge tends to be broad and shallow over narrow and deep, y'know?). I knew a few songs (The Only Time is a personal fave) but I didn't know much about the band.

So, just as an overview of the album it's about the narrator's titular downward spiral. Wikipedia lists the themes as: "religion, dehumanization, violence, disease, society, drugs, sex, and finally, suicide."

Just looking at Closer, it's not hard to see why people think of it as a "sex song", honestly. But much like a lot of popular art, I encourage the audience to really listen to the lyrics here, to examine it in a different way.

The backing track (hiiii Iggy Pop! Iggy Pop cameo here!!) has a strong rhythm. The breathy vocals add to the sexual feeling of the song. The lyrics are, on a surface level, talking about sex. But there's some pretty loaded language included. The narrator doesn't just use your typical words like making love or fucking. He "desecrates" he "violates" he "uses". The use of the phrase "I wanna fuck you like an animal" isn't about the intensity, it's about self-degradation.

I think a pretty fair general interpretation (and do come correct me if you think otherwise anon!) is that the narrator wants to escape himself, his flaws, his self loathing, by having sex with people. He wants to be someone else.

This isn't a song about just having sex, this is a song about hating yourself so much that sex feels like it must be degrading for the other person just because it's with you.

There's also some things going on with religion and sexuality here. Sex is a desecration of the partner, it is making them worse, it is using them. But also there's this desperate devotion to this person. The way he says "You make me perfect / Help me become somebody else", the constant pleas for help dispersed throughout, even the section where he offers up himself entirely... it feels like borderline religious devotion. But this contrasts against the desecration in a way that's very fascinating to me.

As a review? I give this a 9/10. It's erotic, but not in the way most people assume. The devotion and degradation as constant themes really sell it. The religious themes add to it wonderfully. And I love to hear a man beg.

The only reason it's not 10/10 is because I know Closer to God (the reworking of this track) gets that honor. I think it just elevates the track even more when the two are presented side by side, and for me Closer to God wins out. The more staticky track is really right up my alley (I enjoy the more industrial and distorted sound of it).

In the end though, both feel transcendentally erotic in their own way.

The songs in question for anyone who wants them:

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[cielles-random-vault]

vamp ghost brainrot do you see my vision

DO YOU SEE MY VISION?!?!?!?!?!

ok this is v random but apparently im on a creative spree so lets enjoy it while it lastssss

context: the idea came from when i noticed ghost had lil fangs on his mask and and and

reader is tf141's medic/nurse idk how you call it but you get it also shoutout to @unabashedcroissanttreefan (PHEROMONE IS BACKK) and @cluelylikesporn mwah

also reader is not white AND a vampire. boom. not black either but i like the concept of poc/mixed vampires (and poc vampires would look so cool) (i am mixed and id look so cool as an autistic soon-to-be-adult teen vampire and you cant tell me otherwise.)

wc: 1049

also trigger warning dislocation and blood (duh there's vampirism in this fic what did you expect /lh)

also maybe ooc ghost idrk

pt 2 in the making!

"okay, lets see... who do we have next.." you said as your checked your medical files. "lieutenant riley?" (you raise an eyebrow) "strange. he never came before" you thought out loud, but you shrugged it off. "you can come in!"

"hello, y/n" ghost greeted you politely as he sat in front of you. "i hope my team hasn't been of too much trouble"

"don't worry about them!" you smile softly, "lets talk about you, for once! what brings you there? you usually never come to check ups, which i have to say isnt very professional!!" you scold him lightly, "but im glad you seem safe and well!"

ghost chuckled softly before replying: " i came here because i have been suffering from awful migraines, and i have no idea where they can possibly come from, and so i wanted to ask you if you could check? and maybe give me a stronger dose of painkillers so that i won't need to bother you every week? also, i noticed i have been having more trouble falling asleep, it's as if i found myself more... active in the nighttime, i would say?"

"mhm.. this sure is strange, but dont worry!" you reply with an assured smile. "do you have some spare time so i can do your checkup now, or do you wish to book another appointment?"

"i would like to do it now, if you don't mind"

"okay, no problem!" you smile as you put on a surgery mask, "lay down on this chair and lift up your mask just above your mouth, please! ill start off with examinating your teeth."

ghost did as you asked him to, and you started your inspection; what you saw surely was weird.

"this is strange..." you muttered to yourself, "can you please bite into this?" you asked him as you handed him a plaster mold. "it looks like your fangs... have overgrown."

"what??" ghost asked, confused. "with all due respect, you must be kidding me."

"im not" you reply, showing him the mold he bit in. "see? its like, the bite mark is... sharper than a usual one would be"

"and... do you happen to have a reason to that?" ghost starts to panic, "or even a remedy?"

"i think... i might have an idea, but don't freak out, okay?" (he nods unsurely) "you might want to sit down for this one. okay so... there have been rumors - and i insist on the word 'rumor' - of a disease that turns people into vampires, and-"

"are you telling me i'm one of those freaks?!?" ghost hurried, panicked.

"that's... insensitive to us.." you mutter to yourself, "but nevermind. no, there is no cure, you just learn to live with it.

"thats..." he thought out loud, "wait did you say us? are you a vampire too?"

"duh, just because im not white doesn't mean i cant be a vampire thats- very cliché." you reply, slightly offended. "but yes, i am."

"but- how do you even sleep at night? how do you even feed yourself ? and-" ghost's mind raced with questions.

"let me guess, you're assuming all vampires drink blood to survive, aren't you?" (he nods, slightly ashamed, but you smiled, amused at his panic) "don't worry, we aren't all like that. i'd be delighted to teach you there are a whole lot of different types of vampires! for example, i am an empathic one! which means i tend to be more well... empathic."

"and how does one know what type of vampire one is?" ghost asked, seeming childhishly interested to the point it almost looked endearing.

"thats exactly what im coming to!" you reply with a soft smile, before coming back a few moments later with a little pouch of blood. "what does this make you feel?"

"this looks delicious" he replies as his eyes lit up, "can i have a taste?"

"well then," you chuckled, "it's all settled! you're a blood drinker vampire!"

"oh." the worries then came back in his voice, "does that mean i have to..." (he gulps) "kill people to drink their blood?"

"well, technically speaking, if we were in a typical eldritch story, you would have to. but, hopefully for the writer we're not, and its a good thing im a medic, so i have plenty of those little pouches!"

ghost sighed in relief, but then panic peaked again.

"do you think we should tell others? like, price and soap?" ghost asked worried.

"no. not for now, at least." you thought for a moment, and added: "but, one thing is sure, if we dont want anybody to find out you have to do whatever it takes to not get deployed,or else... "

"we're fucked, balls deep." ghost completed your sentence. "but how? price won't allow me to stay at the base unless i get injured."

"that's exactly my point!" you say as your eyes glimmer mischievously, "but im not sure you will like the idea.."

"whatever it takes for people not to notice.." he sighs.

"good!" you reply with a smile, "please lay down on this chair,just so youre warned its gonna be a little... painful."

"what the fuck- you sprained my fucking ankle???" ghost hurried, grumbling in pain.

"what?? you wanted a reason to not get deployed, didnt you? you should thank me" you chuckled as you noticed him wincing in pain. "anyway, its time for price's meeting, take those to help you walk, and you let me do the talking to price, okay?"

ghost nodded as you both headed to the briefing room, one of his arm around your shoulder to help him walk, where price and the rest of the task force were already waiting for you.

"sorry we're late, captain!" you hurried as you and ghost entered the room.

"its fine" price replied, raising an eyebrow, "what happened to you, Lieutenant?"

"we were practicing close fighting and he accidentally sprained his ankle, sir" you reply with an assured smile.

"is that so?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, "then why didnt i see both your names in the record?"

"because we forgot, and there was nobody on the wait list, sir" you reply. "but i promise it wont happen again."

"good" price sighed, "then i suppose i have no choice but to make gaz replace you, ghost."

is all for part one i feel like its already too long help

hope you enjoyed, if you dont reblog ill snatch your toenails

[urfavisapermaregressor]

This blog makes me feel disgusting as a permaregressor. It's honestly weird that you'll put permaregressor headcanons onto young children such as Ash or Kanna, they wouldn't even know what regressing is let alone permaregression. They're still KIDS. God, I agree with that other anon. You making permaregression seem like something fun and cute and desirable is putting actual permaregressors back. I hate having the mind of a child forever. I hate how you and other age regressors act like I cannot be an adult because I'm mentally stuck in adolescence. I hate how you're putting aesthetics on something that's honestly debilitating. Permaregression should be studied and marked as a mental illness for fucks sake, it kind of feels like you're not actually a permaregressor because of how you infantilize it and turn it into something cutesy and soft and uwu baby hehe haha. Fucking hell dude.

ok if you're gonna be rude to me im gonna be rude back. my life is ruined because of being permaregressed. ive set myself back, ive missed out on so many opportunities, i will never feel adequate or equal to anyone "my age," and on top of that i have been depressed and suicidal because of this and how much it has affected my life. do you think i wanna be a kid forever? genuinely, do you think im trying to make this seem desireable? bc if a headcanon for a fictional character makes the people you've made up in your head think "hm maybe permaregression isnt serious bc someone said ash from pokemon is a permaregressor" you AND them must be extremely fucking stupid because it's an image of a character on a flag. thats not setting anyone back, also we can't be set back bc we're not oppressed?? yeah we're different but holy shit we aren't having a movement/revolution. like this isn't hurting anybody. i shouldn't have to explain shit to you but i have cried so many tears and have trauma due to this shit. i never got a chance to grow up. i am stuck as this hurt child for the rest of my life and im forced to be someone i mentally am not able to be. i wake up and cry, i avoid my parents because im so ashamed i cant be the daughter they wanted. this obviously isnt "cute" and i would kill someone to not be this way, to have a chance at being somebody who's able to function through life properly so for you to say this shit just because i put a banner with stars and hearts is fucking ridiculous you piece of actual shit. not once on this fucking blog did i say it's fun being a permaregressor because it's NOT. dont tell me that it isnt. you dont know me, you dont know who i am, and you sure as hell aren't gonna tell me how my life is and how my experiences make me feel. it's hell. and i know that, and if you wanna get pissed at me for something as unharmful as headcanoning my favs for comfort then go ahead. i really don't give a shit.

i agree with you that permaregression should be studied. i headcanon a lot of my favorite characters have adhd or are autistic becahse it brings me comfort seeing my traits and disabilities in other characters. how is this any different? its not, so get the fuck over yourself. if i and many others have to live life with this painful mental space, being an age that physically and societally isnt acceptable as my true age, then im going to find comfort in seeing characters with the same traits as me. and i can assume that goes for others as well. the headcanons make me happy and find comfort. what do you have to say for canon permaregressor characters you dumbass?

and need i remind you that ash and kanna were requests, THIS IS A HEADCANON REQUEST BLOG. if someone wants to say ash is a permaregressor that's fine. it's not canon, it's not hurting you. you will live. and also who gives a fuck?? ITS A HEADCANON OF A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. and i will direct you back the last damn anon reply if you're gonna bitch about me matching the banners i put on my posts to the color of the flag and me using kaomojis and shit. if my blog disgusts you so bad block me. if you don't and keep fighting me over literally nothing, get off anon or just fuck off pussy.

[fallenrain40]

hrmmm its 2am so time for me to ramble about nonsense venting again. sometimes it makes me sad that i cant relate to every autistic person?? like i know that. would literally be impossible. but sometimes it feels like there will be a few aspects where the majority does not have the same experiance as me and i just... really really start gaslighting myself into thinking i must not REALLY be autistic just becuase i differ in those aspects. like for example,, i saw a poll where most autistic people said auditory things were the biggest sensory trigger for them and... that's rarely the case for me. i mean yes, i definitely can struggle with sound. but usually it just doesnt. get to me in the same way as other things. and it's really less to do with the sounds themselves and moreso I struggle with UNEXPECTED sounds. which means i hate jumpscares and can also hate listening to new things becuase i have no idea what to expect. but sounds I've already heard before are usually safe. and another example; food textures can bother me majorly, but it's not always the same foods other autistic people have trouble with... usually it somehow ends up being the foods they LIKE. for some reason, i've seen more autistic people say they like spicy things than not which i... couldnt be more different on. i hate spicy food. why would i want to set my mouth on fire. i just want to eat. then again, i do LOVE extremely sour things like Warheads candy. some people have a sweet-tooth- well I have a sour tooth. ...I'm getting off topic. basically, i just dunno why my brain has to be like ""YOURNOTRLLY AUTISTIC CAUSE U DONT RELATE TO EVERY SINGLE AUTISTIC PERSON THAT EXISTS""- my brain really needs to shut up cause. if im not autistic im just a horrible fucking person. and i KNOW im autistic we've known since i was little, my mom just didnt ever want to get me diagnosed cause she thought i'd magically grow out of everything (which i clearly have not.) and to be fair, having an official diagnoses sometimes can be more of a problem than it's worth, as i've heard. it's not something everyone can get. i just wish i didnt get such imposter syndrome without a diagnoses.

[felipe-v-fanblog]

Hi my friend 👋, Who is your favorite Habsburg King? One for Austria and One for Spain?

Who is your least Favorite king of all time? I wish you the best.

HIIII !! how good is to receive an ask just the moment i was thinking about going to random dms to infodump people about random hyperfixations . specially from you my friend im wishing you the best too .

I really like habsburg story as it is full of girlbosses and malewifes ( a really cool dynasty ) . IIIII i really like the austrian ones , spaniards are always a mystery to me . I lived there for four years and I still dont catch their accent . My favourite habsburg monarch is emperor Franz II im not normal about him . there is an strong need to scream everytime i think about him . People probably must known him more for the napoleonic wars but I think he is very interesting by his own right . But tbh I really like all habsburgs from Austria they are very babygirls . Maximilian I , Charles V , Ferdinand I , Rudolf II , Leopold I , Charles VI , Marie Theresia , Joseph II and Ferdinand I of Austria ( not to confuse him with Ferdinand I of the Holy Roman Empire ) are my favourites but I really like all of them except for Leopold II and Francis I ( i have a love-hate relationship with him bc he is funny but I hate that he wasnt faithful to Marie Theresia bc !! SHE WAS LITERALLY A 10 ?! ) . From Spain I truly only like Felipe I and Carlos II . The other ones are very boring to me but I get that Felipe II was interesting . I am not mentioning Charles I because I already mentioned him as emperor . Well . He should be here because he is a spanish one yeah . so yeah he is also here i really like him i find him too funny and he was very babygirl . I mostly like infantes of Spain like the Cardinal-Infante Fernando de Austria , Don Juan José de Austria , Carlos de Austria ( son of Felipe II - prince of Asturias before Felipe III ) and Carlos de Austria ( brother of Felipe IV , I really like him !! I find him autistic and awkard asf and I really like that in people . Like Franz II ) . Those are my tastes in Habsburgs sadly I will try not to talk about the women too as to not make this too big but I also love their queens . Felipe IV is an enigma to me I find him incomprehensible . Truly a mystery like Spain itself . I liked that moment when Louis XIV and Philippe d'Orléans went to hug him and cry when they met to give Louis XIV his wife that was hilarious .

2.IIII I would say Henry VIII cus he is easy to hate but I do also hate Henry VII because he is the one who made my homecountry a mess ( Wales - if you ever see me talking weird english , is because its not my native language ! I speak welsh hehe ) . I really really hate Charles X of France because he ruined my favourite queer mentally ill dynasty ( bourbons ) and destroyed everything Louis XVIII worked for ( he is my !! favourite historical figure ever ) . I dont really hate many monarchs bc even if they are bad they are amusing to know about . The real hate I have to a historical figure is to Saint-Just but i completely agree with his ideas but he was a real asshole and i dont know how robespierre was friend of that guy . he was literally an edgy teen trying to be a politic is everything i hate about politics but worse because i agree with everything he said . except killing louis xvi that was a mistake . they should have put louis xvi in a box and send it to austria if they didnt wanted him there

[ruthlesslistener]

It's literally a fucking fictional character who doesn't even do anything in the game. Nothing more than a bunch of pixels on a screen. Stop being such a righteous little prick.

I dont go here but I think it's kinda funny how uncomfortable you are about ppl thinking a video game character is cute lol

.

I'm not being a righteous little prick, I've stated before that I'm uncomfortable with people coming into the inbox treating this character like a small animal before. I'm not making an overarching statement about how EVERYONE should characterize or view him, but when my entire blog is dedicated to showing off how much of a tragic and terrible character he is, then I think it's safe to say that you should expect me to not really be super into things that makes him conventionally appealing. It takes all the fun out of it for me. And since I repeatedly said that the reason why I like him so much is because I relate to him and his problems, and that I write him as an autistic, depressed man struggling with a sense of self-worth who then abuses his children and the people around him unwillingly because of it, then you can see why I might not enjoy this sort of interaction as much.

I'm also not bothered by people thinking that he's cute or that his design is cute, I'm uncomfortable with people treating a character that's basically a human being in terms of story like some sort of pet animal. I write and view the Pale King as a human-analogous character, one with cognition and boundaries that are similar to people. If you think that his personality is cute the same way that a person is, or find his design adorable, that doesn't bother me in the slightest. I consider snakes and crocodiles cute as well. But you don't treat those animals like cats or dogs, because they aren't, and when you slap human level cognition and behaviors onto one, then treating them like a domestic animal becomes even more weird. It's like looking at a 50 year old human man and asking him if he wants belly rubs or chin scratches or something. It's uncomfortable for me, and I have already gently stated previously that I do not enjoy such content. Fuck dude, I consider Lurien cute, but you don't see me going to the inboxes of people who like him and say that I want to give him butt scritches or scoop him up into a jar. I don't know how they view him, I wouldn't do that unless it was clear that they understood the joke and thought it was funny.

Me expressing my boundaries isn't being a 'righteous little prick'. This is my fucking blog. If I was bothered by a depiction of PK that was being posted in the main tag, then I wouldn't say anything and would move past it because it wouldn't be any of my fucking business. But if you come into my house and demand that I interact with you in the way that you want, then yes, I am going to get uncomfortable. I didn't even state my discomfort in an explicitly rude manner, or claim that EVERYONE in the fandom must depict him in a certain way. I just asked that people stop coming to me about it, because if it's a joke then it's something that I don't get, and it ruins the fun of the character for me, and it's something that makes me deeply uncomfortable. I maintagged the post specifically with the hope that it would reach whoever was sending me those asks, not to police how people treat the character- because again, I don't care as long as it's not in my inbox. But it is.

You're right. He's a fictional fucking character. He's just pixels. But I'm not, and I have the right to put an end to a topic when I find that I don't like or understand it.

[ilaiyayaya]

God I am so tempted to watch Dungeon Meshi as it's airing even tho I know if I do I'll stop halfway through and never finish it because I am physically incapable of watching anime as it airs BUT LIKE IT'S SO WELL ANIMATED I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF IF I SEE ONE MORE WELL ANIMATED CLIP THAT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SEE IN THE SHOW ITSELF BECAUSE I WON'T LET MYSELF UNTIL IT'S OVER!!! First it was the Chil(l roomie, you can have another helping)chuck crawling away from the crab on the floor scene AND NOW I KEEP SEEING THE SAME 5 FUCKING GIFS OF CHIMERA FALIN RUNNING AROUND AND RIPPING HER TITS OFF AND ALL OF THEM LOOK MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN WHATEVER DUMBSHIT THAT LOSER LEONARDO DA VINKY MADE IN LIKE 1602 OR WHATEVER!!! Trigger at their peak is like cocaine, I'm like Laios except instead of being gay and autistic for monsters I'm girl gay and autistic for really well animated monsters and also non-monsters, but like well animated monsters specifically get like 10 extra points drawing chicken chimeras is like extra hard and thus extra impressive and also extra hot!

I'm going to fucking tear off all of my skin if I have to resist seeing good animation for 1 more fucking day I can't take it anymore I'M GONNA DIE I'M GONNA ROT AND MELT AND MY CORPSE IS GONNA GROW NUTRITIOUS POISONOUS MUSHROOMS ALL OVER IT!!!

At this point I don't even care about anything else, the amazing story, the characters, the gay gay homosexual, none of it matters to me anymore it's all bonus IT'S ALL WORTHLESS all I need now is to watch that giant chicken climb up a wall and be able to actually stare at it and analyze it and rewatch those 2 seconds over and over for an entire hour and not just be able to scroll past and glance at it and say "no no no i cant see that yet, I must not, I must resist" I DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE I FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING HAVING A SEVERE PRESCRIPTION DRUG WITHDRAWAL There is more lust in my brain for the animation frames than the actual hot monster girl subject of them

Woah hey! Do you think marcille would ask falin if she could soap her tits and then say "wuh hey!" I think she would i think marcille would be a devilman fan and also british

Got out of bed, ate (like a Senshi-aligned producecore foodcel), exercised some, now I'm normal again and can think with common sense and rational logic. And normal me believes EVERYTHING I SAID IS TRUE I STILL STAND BY ALL OF IT EVEN WHILE NORMAL IT'S ALL TRUE EVERYTHING IS TRUE, SHE WAS SO CORRECT!!! AND ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE IS WRONG AND CAN DIE!!!

I'D FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF THAT CHICKEN!!! non-sexually. and sexually.

[toonfanatic08]

pinned post

hello all ! this page here is my personal account. this is a Masterpost of sorts on all things about Me!

i will post stuff about my disabilities as well as my interests on here. this is basically a hub for All Things Me. Think of this as a Journal-- here i will divulge my thoughts, feelings, and anything else i want to share. :-) i might also catalogue my collections and infodump here

the basics

(online) names: moonie, pierrot, or mime. pronouns: he/they/it disabled both mentally and physically. i am Cripplepunk and Neuropunk, and also a metalhead! i am a transmasc lesbian. i am demisexual and genderfluid as well.

i am an adult, and my birthdate is november 15th :-)

i want to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner and give high quality diagnosis and care to fellow mentally ill people. i want to do this because i work to learn the deeper mechanics of certain conditions (autism, personality disorders.), so i can treat them more effectively than a neurotypical could.

equally so, i am also a cartoonist, and i want to Create educational cartoons about disability. i have an art account to document my drawings! please check it out... @pierrotlunaire08 .*~

i have a Wonderful Wonderful girlfriend whom i love Very much <3.

i have autism, (diagnosed level 1 but suspected level 2), adhd, dyscalculia, anxiety + depression (dysthymia), and borderline personality disorder. these are all medically diagnosed.

along w bpd is some traits of other PDs, mainly DPD and NPD. due to BPD, i also have occasional psychosis symptoms.

physically, i have hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome and possibly other things

do Not interact

i am of the Opinion that DNIs are often misused and are kind of stupid. but there are some serious things i need to state. if you belong to ANY of these parties, do not speak to me online... bigots of all kinds, nazis, fascists, republicans, terfs, people who think "borderline/narcissistic abuse" is real-- tldr: mindless sheep dont come near me thats about it really. onto something more fun!

interests

special interests:

cartoons!! happy tree friends, ren and stimpy, aahh!!! real monsters, looney tunes, fleischer studios, films by animator richard williams (raggedy ann and andy, thief and the cobbler, who framed roger rabbit)

psychology + medical things (learning abt the theory and mechanics behind my own mental disorders. mostly autism and personality disorders. as well as some physical medical stuff, again mostly pertaining to my own disabilities.)

vhs cassettes and dvds,

piracy and anti-capitalism. queer rights, disability rights.

clowns, jesters, mimes, etc.

i also like coding, fashion, and music!

opinions

i am a walking contradiction. i have strong opinions, but i also have a fear of backlash and arguments. i will often look over my digital shoulder so to speak before stating any of my own opinions. but if you Must know my stances on the pressing topics in this site, i believe in the Following...

firstly, in terms of discourse, i Think for Myself and don't take sides. the majority of the internet is a bandwagon of misinformation, and it's up to You to do your own research and think for yourself.

if you have/are the thing you can say the slur/make the joke/speak on the topic

if you don't like something, stop interacting with it and move on with your day.

dont say "going nonverbal" to describe temporary and transient speech loss in autism. nonverbal/semiverbal autistic folks have said they dislike it and that it is Inaccurate and Incorrect. you can say verbal shutdown or speech loss instead

listen to high support needs disabled people PLEASE!!!!

you either support All mental illnesses/disabilities or you support none of them. you cant leave out the ones that make you uncomfortable or that challenge your worldview. my page is cluster b and psychosis safe, as well as safe for those with other stigmatized mental illnesses.

if its your disability you can refer to it however you want (e.g getting mad at people who say "i have autism" rather than "i am autistic" is Dumb.), just respect others' preferences when referring To Them and You're Fine

tiktok and twitter are cesspools of misinformation and fair-weather supporters. do Not accept information from there

"narc abuse" "bpd abuse" isnt real and is ableist. personality disorders come from trauma largely, so youre basically putting someone down for developing the "wrong" disorder from their trauma. (that, and PDs affect interpersonal judgement which impairs the ability to abuse someone. my symptoms are not signs of abuse psych2go!! )

stamps

[caddyheron]

You know how in your last post you said you could go on about your Cady headcanons? This is me asking you to go on.

My performing arts teacher thinks i’m typing up coursework right now (this is not me doing coursework)

> So last night I was thinking about Cady and masking. At the beginning and all of pre-canon, she cant mask. Her mom is autistic too and the behaviours Cady displayed were just… normal to her and her mom, it was just Cady. When she comes to Northshore, she has to learn how to seem like everyone else in ways shes never had to before. It’s easier to directly copy people, so she copies Regina, because Regina is the It girl, shes everything Cady wants to be at the beginning. At first, before the downfall of Regina, she just acts like the rest of them, copies and copies and repeats but. there comes the time where the mask is too strong. It’s so built up and shes in just as much control of the social ranking as Regina was and Cady has. no idea who she is beneath it anymore. This is basically repeating my past post, but this is when her mom just has no idea what to do with this Cady she just doesnt know.

> Naturally, she’s a very bouncy and excitable person - she never had to grow up too quickly or be too much too quickly until she moved. She expresses her joy by jumping and spinning so much, and she’ll wiggle in her seat and bounce if she’s sitting in class. This happens a lot in calc and I dont think Ms Norberry really minds because shes just Cady.

> Hates coffee so much, even the sweetest coffees. The taste it just Wrong to her and she doesnt really like hot drinks anyway, unless it’s hot chocolate. Her hot drink exception is hot chocolate and she would genuinely drink it with every single meal if she could. (Realised I already talked about her coffee hatred but I’m clearly passionate about this one?? Even as a coffee drinker)

> Has a really really low alcohol tolerance, hates the taste and the way it makes her feel. But during her plastics era, she’ll still drink socially with everyone at parties even though she hates it. It makes her feel like a normal person and a normal teen and she Has to do it. She Has to be Queen Bee. It’s like self peer pressure.

> STEM girl!! Loves physics and biology so much, as well as maths, but is just sort of indifferent in chemistry. She doesnt mind english but struggles with the analysis of them because what do you mean THATS what that means?? Just can’t really grasp the deeper meaning.

> Owns glow in the dark stars and a star projector because it’s really calming and it reminds her of Home (Kenya). Also claims to not miss it too much to Fit In but it makes her sick with how much she misses home sometimes. Everything was fine and good and okay there and now., she doesnt know what shes doing.

> Sometimes I think about what the car ride home must have been like after Regina was hit by the bus. Cadys hands and knees covered in her blood, curled up on the seat beside her mom who’s driving and thinking. just ohgodohgodohgodwhatdoido.

> Major sensory issues with having a sore throat, however it means she gets strepsils (enjoys them) and hot chocolate so.

Will go on later!!

[wingdingle]

I NEED TO ASK how are you now. Congratulations on surviving the piss in the dashcon ballpit incident

hi lol somoene must have reblogged the post again. well i was not at dashcon ever and if u look up dashcon on my blog posts about it are all still there. as for me now, i was 14 when i made that post, and i struggled to communicate because i am very autistic. and i was also in an abusive household and didnt have any friends really irl at all. but since then i grew up a lot, found out im trans, and got into some better communities and moved out.... and now im about a year and a half out of being in that house and i have a better job already, as well as loving partner who i live with. im a pharmacy technician, studying to become a pharmacist. ive been to a mental health hospital 3 times in the past two years, and ive gotten better every time... i mean im now able to cope with my trauma and work on the worse symptoms of borderline... and most important of all, im able to talk to the people around me irl! i can literally jsut talk to random strangers on the street and they seem to enjoy it, lol. i even make people laugh. its great lol, i used to be so anxious all the time, i didnt talk to anybody or make any friends on purpose, i would just make posts online and cry but now im better!

also on the less deep side of things, i get to experience a lot of hobbies i couldnt before, like gardening, foraging and cooking and home design. and im able to handle the bills atm from how hard i work, which is a nice feeling!! i love my job too and have many friends there and get to help people every day even just by cracking a joke at the register. plus i love customer service.

i really dont think about dashcon like, at all, it was such a blip in such a wild go at life for me, and i never even went there myself. i just really wanted everyone to know about that so they wouldnt get hurt, and now i get to do that in a way every day at my job and im really good at it it turns out, and so if youre wondering how im doing now i think i am finally happy... if ur ever in a place where you think things wont get better just know i used to think it was bullshit when people said that to me but now that im finally here it is all so worth it. anyways bye hope u liked seeing me answer this random stranger

[transmasc-wizard]

I know you mostly want questions from non-autistic ppl about it, but uh I'm autistic and i just wanna ask if you ever get so annoyed when you hear people speak? It's been stressing me out and idk if i'm just rude, but it's sort of like misophonia. any household noise at all, and i just want to rip my hair out. my family is quite loud, plus there's a baby now, so ALL i hear is squealing and yelling. My mother thinks i'm sassy because i hate it, and she's usually very understanding with my autism but she just CANNOT leave me alone

feel free to ignore if ur not comfortable answering!! i just wanna know if other people experience this

i dont remember what time specifically i said "I take questions abt autism" and then also specificied for non autistic people specifically but i assume i must have done that so jsyk i am also fine talking about and answering questions about autism to other autistic people!!!!!!! we are a community

and to answer your question, very much yes. people's voices can be extremely grating to me, especially if they're a loud or high pitched speaker. i also have had panic attacks over my parents joking about having another baby because (even though i was pretty young when they had my brother) i still remember how much it sucked for me to exist in the same house as a screaming crying infant.

you're right to relate it to misophonia--i do think they're very similar. you're probably experiencing sound hypersensitivity, a shitty phenomenon where your brain usually: 1) can't tune out noise very well, 2) gets easily overwhelmed by noise (anger and annoyance are common reactions to being overwhelmed), and/or 3) experiences noise as pain.

i suggest ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones/ear defenders. the second is better than the first, but ik that's not always an option. they do really help though, as they drown out some of the noise to a more tolerable level.

[champagnepodiums]

i guess this is where i confess that i like esteban more than i like pierre and one of the reasons is because of the differences in how esteban has handled the whole situation vs pierre. // GIRL - thats the whole point. You dont know what the "situation" is. You dont know what happened between them. Noone knows but them. It very well might be that pierre's reaction is fully justified. For me esteban's silence always showed that hes done sthing shady he doesnt wanna talk about.

Also there must be a reason why big part of the grid dislikes the guy. I dont think pierre goes from motorhome to motorhome whispering to the drivers and trying to convince them to dislike este lmao.

Look at how their relationship went with every teammate they had so far. How they handled stressful situations. Pierre had 0 issues, even after they had a collision (silverstone e.g with yuki). Esteban...well! Cant say the same.

To me this is what shows what kind of a person they are. Not what they told the press in 2017 or 2018 (pierre didnt say anything "mean" abt him since then, i'm not even sure he talked about este at all until the alpine contract).

See here’s the thing — everybody has different life experiences color their perspectives on everything so where you see Esteban’s silence as shadiness, my experiences would make me think the opposite.

Also, yeah, nobody knows the situation but when people still come to my anon box asking for my opinion then yes, that’s what I’m going to give. It’s an opinion and I have never said I’m to be believed or that I’m the authority.

Back to the personal experiences coloring perspective and opinions, I also know that Lance and Mick are good friends with Esteban so idk, I personally trust them to be decent judges of character but that’s just me. but also? i’m not a very popular person but that’s because i’m extremely introverted, anxious and autistic. i do not place much value on likability.

Likability ≠ Good character

Also c’mon, Esteban’s last teammate was Fernando Alonso. I don’t think that’s a fair comparison lmao.

So yeah, I mean. Here’s the thing, what you think of Pierre and Esteban (or really any driver) is colored by YOUR thoughts and shapes by your lived experiences. Every person has different things they place value on and that’s okay! But definitely something to consider when you bust into somebody’s anon box.

Also, I’m not sure if I’ve ever said this but I am non-binary and I really don’t like being called girl or anything similar so if we could not, i’d appreciate it

[expfcultragreen]

Even in supposedly antizionist circles people will say that if a jewish person is telling you to think something, you think it, or youre an antisemite, and further, that claiming anyone would ever misuse this, is antisemitic........except when its zionists which is different (but not to the zionists, who use the same logic exactly. Who adopted it from whom? "Believe jewish people about what is antisemitic and who is an antisemite" but you dont all agree so anyone who says it is what? An irrational & tyrannical operator)

If aggression is in impact everyone is aggressing on everyone and theres no start to it so???? Who owes who what

If someone says something nazish and im like that was nazish and theyre like "nuh uh because that hurts my feelings and im secretly jewish so YOURE the nazi touche infinity everyone knows that" .............who is the nazi? Is it both? Because if i fall into a variety of categories the nazis arrested too.........youre automatically anti-those-things for upsetting ME

For example,

Veganism doesnt makes you an antisemite even when it upsets your jewish roommate who feels persecuted by it and conflates that with being hated for being jewish

I could just say, i was fem-identified at them time and this is femphobia because youre clearly just afraid to live compassionately for fear of your masculinity being impugned, at possibly high personal risk

Or,

asking questions about ace history doesnt make you an antisemite (or homophobe) even when its triggering to random jewish bloggers for misty reasons that cause them to conflate being upset with being attacked for being jewish

But being conscriptive about sexuality is the bedrock of ace erasure/ denialist culture and exclusionism, and now we're steering into grim territory with the compulsory natalism and its corollaries homophobia (and queerphobia uwu🫶) and transphobia, but also, youd have to read a lot between "is it" to make it into a thing so i think youre a whorephobe because it was on my sexwork blog that i said it and you were mean for no reason and i got thrown out of housing over it, which, could have also been whorephobia why not. If im a whore and i feel persecuted or slighted then it must be whorephobia. yall might as well be pickton for all the grace i got.

Presumably the individuals who do this are so put upon that their ability to parse micro/aggression from anything else is dysfunctional and the last avenue of intervention that would work is confrontation by someone theyre already feeling attacked by so 🤷

Happens all the time with all kinds of intersections of identity; the more "willfully" autistic you are, particularly online where theres no tone or nonverbal cues, the more this will happen.......because theyre alllllll ableists (nazis)