#and i still feel super uncomfortable doing that around mum and the rest of my family (who i can never come out to)

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

Sometimes it’s the little things that make all the stressful shit I’m dealing with lately a little less shitty, like the student union using the right pronouns when sending emails on my behalf. Like it shouldn’t be a big deal, but it really is 🥺

[mosswillow]

Your room (Dark!Peter Parker x Reader)

Word count 3.3k

!!!!! This is dark! And explicit 18+ only !!!!!

Warnings: Noncon/Dubcon, oral (female receiving), spankings, punishment, kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome, unprotected sex, smut, vaginal intercourse.

Summery: Your life is bland and boring but not for long. What happens when you catch the eye of a certain super hero?

Your room has always reflected you as a person. In highschool you haphazardly filled the walls with quotes and posters. Your room was messy in the typical way teenagers rooms tend to be, but also like a typical teenager was filled with feeling and hope. In college you filled your space with pictures of you and your friends taken on a polaroid camera. Everywhere you looked had your life staring back at you. Now as an adult the pictures from college are tucked away in a box. Your room is simple and boring. Most people think of you as minimalist but you don’t do it to be trendy, you just have no passion. You’ve spent the years after graduating college working a job you hate in a lab, running the same tests over and over again. You’ve always wanted to be a scientist, working on something new and exciting. You’ve applied everywhere but you rarely even get an interview. Your dreams, unfortunately, will never happen for you. Sometimes you wish for someone to swoop in and take you for your bland life but you know that will never happen. Watching your friends get dream jobs and buy homes while you waste away has crushed your spirit. You’re tired.

---

“Hey Y/N, we’re going out tonight.”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, you never come with us.”

“Ok sure.”

Your coworker is right that you never go out anymore and so several hours later you walk into a bar, grabbing a drink and finding your coworkers. The bar is bustling with activity and you lose track of time. You usually curl up in bed with a book on a friday night but you’re glad you came. You used to go out all the time in college and miss being social. Going out is good for your mental health and you decide to make more of a point to spend time with people.

You say goodbye to your still partying co-workers and head home a little past midnight. You start your walk and cut through an alleyway, wanting to get home before you vomit from the alcohol.

“Hey sweetheart. What are you doing all alone out here?”

A large man steps out of the shadows and walks toward you. You ignore him, keeping your eyes focused ahead and pick up the pace.

“Oi, I’m talkin’ to you,” He lunges forward and grabs your arm.

“Let me go.” You try to walk away but he holds onto you still, pushing you against the wall and landing a bruising kiss on your lips. His breath smells rancid and you feel bile rise in your throat. You cry out for help and the man is suddenly pulled away from you. You watch with disbelief as Spider man throws the stranger against the opposing wall.

“She said to go away buddy.”

The man slowly stands up and runs away. Spider Man shoots a web at the running stranger and he falls over, immobilized.

“You ok?” Spider Man turns to you, cocking his head.

“Yes, thank you Spider Man.”

“I’ll come check on you tomorrow”

You watch spider man pick up the stranger like he’s nothing and swing away. You walk the rest of the way home and lie in bed, unable to fall asleep. The next morning there’s a tap on your window and you look out to see Spider Man on your fire escape. You briefly wonder how he knows where you live but quickly brush off the thought and open your window.

“You sure you’re ok?” He steps towards you, looking you over.

“Just a little shaken up.”

He walks to your kitchen, filling a glass of water and handing it to you.

“This is too much, really I’m fine. You already saved me.”

“Drink the water,” He commands.

You sigh and drink it.

“That’s a good girl. Now get back to bed.”

You set the glass down and stare at the stranger you let in your home. Alarm bells start ringing.

“I’d like you to leave.”

“I’ll leave once I know you’re doing as you're told.”

Your heart beats rapidly and you take a step back.

“I appreciate that you saved me and came to make sure that I’m fine but I’m now asking you to please go.”

Spider man crosses his arms.

“I’ll call the cops” you say.

“And say what?”

“That there’s an intruder.”

Spider man sighs and walks to your window, standing at it.

“Get in bed and I’ll go.”

You walk to your bed and get under the covers.

“Good girl. I’ll be back to check on you later.”

As soon as he’s through the window you jump out of bed and lock every door and window, double checking your work. You get back in bed and let out a sigh of relief, finally able to sleep.

You wake up to tapping on your window. Spiderman is back. You make your way to the window but don’t open it.

“Let me in.”

“I don’t feel comfortable with you in here.”

Spider Man shakes his head and leaves without a word.

The next few weeks are filled with anxiety. You see flashes of red in your peripheral vision everywhere you go. Spider man is stalking you. You consider telling police but don’t think they’ll believe you. It sounds crazy, even to you. If it weren't for the bruises from the assault in the alleyway you would think you had imagined the whole thing. You stop leaving your apartment unless necessary and never go out after dark.

You get a voicemail one day.

“HI, this is Rebecca Johnson from Stark Industries. We’re looking for someone to fill a position in one of our labs. You had submitted an application previously and we wanted to reach out and see if you’d like to interview for the position. Please call back at your earliest convenience.

You squeal in delight, doing a celebratory fist pump. Stark industries is a dream job. You immediately hit redial and set up the interview. This would change everything. Just one year working at Stark would open up endless possibilities for you and that’s if you ever want to leave. You could afford a nicer apartment with more security. Maybe you will finally feel safe. You remind yourself that it’s just an interview and you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself.

---

You look up at the tower and take a deep breath. It’s intimidating, going for an interview at Stark tower. It’s been so long since you’ve interviewed anywhere let alone somewhere so big. You tug at your blouse, second guessing your outfit, maybe you should have worn something different. It’s too late to go back home and change. You walk in, mustering up all the courage you can and talk to the woman at the front desk.

“Hi, I’m here for an interview. Y/N Y/L/N”

“Oh yes, they’re expecting you. Here’s a temporary badge. Go to the 80th floor and take a seat.”

You take the badge and follow the instructions. You’re surprised to find yourself in what looks like private quarters. There’s a small couch near the elevator and you sit and wait.

Tony Stark himself appears in front of you and your mouth flies open. You stand quickly and hold your hand out.

“Mr. Stark, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Tony looks you up and down, clicking his tongue.

“Likewise, follow.”

You half walk, half run behind him, getting in the elevator and taking it down a floor. You arrive at a state of the art lab and workshop and Tony leads you to a desk.

“The whole workshop will be open to you. This is your desk.”

He starts walking again and you keep following him back to the elevator and to another floor.

“Here’s where you’ll live. I’ll leave you with the contract and you can call my assistant if you have any questions.”

He hands you a tablet and walks out.

You look around the room dumbfounded. You thought you were just here for an interview. You guess this means you got the job. You swipe through the contract and your eyes widen at your salary. There are a few things that make you uncomfortable though. You’re required to live on site and there’s a curfew. You have to sign a NDA about anything you see in the tower. You also can’t decide to quit without permission, which you’re not sure is even legal. You call the number to Tony’s assistant.

“This is Rebecca.”

“Hi, this is Y/N. I’m looking through this contract and it says I have to live on site and there’s a curfew?”

“Yes. That is non negotiable. Living on site will give you access to the workshop 24/7. There will be times when you will work through the night. The curfew is for security as the tower is locked down every night.”

You would rather have your own place where you can come and go as you please but you’re willing to live here if you have to and the reason for a curfew makes sense. The tower has top of the line security, which is something that’s really important to you. You don’t usually go out late anyway and if you do decide to be out late you can crash at a friends house or get a hotel room.

“And the avengers? Will I have to work closely with them?”

“You might meet them or see them at some point but most likely not.”

“I know this sounds weird but I don’t want Spider man to know I’m working here.”

“Mums the word.”

“What exactly will the job entail? I see there’s a NDA.”

“You’ll be an assistant in Tony Stark's personal workshop and will work closely with him. He appreciates privacy.”

“I see, and the part where I’m not allowed to quit?”

“He just wants to make sure you’re serious. Tony picks his assistants personally and requires loyalty.”

“Ok, thank you.”

You hang up and sign the screen. When you open the door there's a man standing outside. He’s not a tall man, standing a few inches taller than you. However, he is muscular and something about him commands attention. You feel an immediate pull towards him.

“Oh, hi I’m Peter Parker.” He holds out his hand.

“I’m Y/N”

“I also work with Tony and live right next to you. I’ll be your direct boss.”

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Parker.”

“Peter is fine. I won’t keep you any longer, I just wanted to introduce myself.”

You immediately get to work rearranging your life. By the end of the weekend you’re completely moved into your new place and on monday you start your first day on the job. It’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of, full of state of the art technology and free reign to do whatever you want. You walk into work every day with a smile.

You work alone most of the time, Tony and Peter working awkward, sporadic hours but you enjoy it when you do get to work with them. Tony is funny and brilliant, you learn more from him than from any college class. Peter is smart and sweet. He helps you with your work and makes sure you’re always taken care of, sending you back to your room if you’ve been working too long or making you take breaks to eat. You find yourself starting to develop feelings for Peter and your heart swells when he asks you on a date. Life is good and only getting better.

You meet Peter outside of your door and he takes your hand. The two of you walk to a little italian restaurant and Peter takes your menu, ordering your food for you. It’s very forward for a first date but you like the confidence. After dinner he walks you back to your door and kisses you. You see something in his eyes when he pulls away, possessive and dark. It makes you feel uncomfortable but also excited. Nobody has ever looked at you like that.

Over the next few weeks Peter becomes more and more comfortable around you, becoming more physical. It’s small things, like pushing your hair back when talking or touching you gently as he walks past. He asks you out again, this time wanting to cook you dinner and you decline, suggesting a coffee date instead. You don’t feel comfortable enough with him to be alone in his room. He clenches his jaw when you tell him, obviously upset you won’t come over but agrees.

A few days later you decide to go out with some old friends and crash on one of their couches. When you get home the next day Peter is standing outside your door.

“You missed curfew.”

“I know, I went out with friends and crashed on one of their couches.”

Peter clenches his jaw.

“Don’t let it happen again.”

“It shouldn't matter if I want to stay the night somewhere else.”

“Well it does.”

You roll your eyes and unlock your door quickly, locking it behind you. The two of you have only been on one date. His behavior is a red flag and you decide to take things slowly.

The next day you decide to go out for coffee, pulling on a simple tee shirt dress and some flip flops. The elevator won’t let you down.

“Your privileges have been revoked.” Peter says from behind you.

You jump. “Why?”

“You know why.”

He stalks toward you, pushing you up against the elevator.

“I don’t feel comfortable with this Peter. You need to back away from me now.”

Peter takes a step back.

“I’m sorry but right now I don’t want any sort of relationship outside of work.”

“That’s not going to work for me.”

Something in Peter's eyes terrifies you. You need to get out of here. You try the elevator again but it still won’t open.

“I quit.” you yell at the elevator, feeling more danger every second you’re stuck in the hallway with Peter.

“You can’t quit baby.”

“There’s no way it’s legal to force me to keep working even if it’s in the contract.”

“There’s nowhere to go. You’re not getting out of this building and even if you did you’d have to find a lawyer to take your case.”

“You can’t do this, I'll tell Tony.”

“Who do you think suggested this in the first place? Most of the Avengers have gotten their partners this way. I was waiting for the right person and I knew you were them the moment I saw you.”

“Why would Tony help you trap me here? You’re just a lab assistant.”

“Oh no honey, I’m much more than that.”

He steps toward you, caging you in.

“You think it’s a coincidence I saved you in that alleyway?”

“Spider man?”

Peter gives a grin. He leans in and smells your hair.

“No.”

“I’m sorry it’s happening this way, I wanted to break you down slower. You’ll have a really good life, we’ll live together and work together. You’ll have everything you could need or want.”

“I want to leave.”

“You’ll change your mind, you just need a little motivation.”

Peter pulls you to his room and opens the door, pushing you into his apartment. You try to run but he easily catches you, picking you up and throwing you on his bed.

“Why are you doing this? Why me?” you scrabble to the far side of the bed.

“You’re mine.”

Peter's phone rings and he picks it up.

“Hey, yes I did... I know It wasn’t the plan, I had to improvise… Ok, see you in a few weeks.”

He hangs up and gets on top of you. you spit in his face.

“I’m not yours freak. Let me go.”

“You won’t be allowed to act like that moving forward. Now lie still.”

“Get off of me.”

Peter gets off briefly, flipping you over his lap and pulling up your skirt. He lands a smack on your bottom.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do this. You’ve been so bad baby.

“Not letting me in your apartment.”

Smack.

“Telling Rebecca you didn’t want me to you started working here.”

Smack

“Staying out all night.”

Smack.

“Shutting the door in my face.”

Smack.

“I liked you Peter, If you had just acted like a normal person we could have continued a relationship.” You say through tears.

“I don’t want a relationship, I want to own you.”

He lands another blow on your bottom and grabs your underwear, pulling them down and off of you. You try to wiggle away but he’s so strong and easily holds you down with one arm. He moves his hand between your legs and towards your sex, pushing a finger in and out.

“You’re wet for me.” He says smugly.

You close your eyes and turn your head away. You’ve stopped resisting and he lets go.

“There you go.”

He kisses your neck and cheek then grabs your chin moving your face and kissing you gently, pushing his tongue into your mouth. He pulls back and you hear him unbuttons his pants, pulling them down. You open your eyes and move away from him, pushing your back against the headboard. You watch as he holds his erection, slowly moving his hand up and down. He moves towards you and grabs your ankle, pulling you down the bed and positioning himself in between your legs. He holds onto your hips and kisses your inner thigh, moving toward your mound until his mouth is on your clit, kissing and licking. You arch your back and throw your head back, fighting against the rising orgasm. Right before you come he pulls back, smiling up at your dazed face. He rises up and slowly pushes his dick into you until you’re full. You whimper as he brings his hand down to your clit, stimulating it.

“That’s right baby,I know what you like.”

You can’t think about anything else anymore, only the orgasm that threatens to take over.

“Come Baby”

You reach out, grabbing his arms as you come. He grabs your shoulders and thrusts deep, filling you with cum before collapsing next to you, pulling you into the crook of his arm.

“Can I go back to my room now?” you ask.

“You won’t be leaving this room until I can trust you.”

“I won’t say anything. You won. You got what you wanted so just let me go.”

“You still don’t get it Y/N. You’re mine now. I know this is a hard adjustment but everything will be fine as long as you follow what I say.”

“And if I don’t obey you?”

“You’ll be punished.”

“Fuck you.”

Peter sits up next to you, grabbing his pants off the floor and pulling his belt out of the loops.

“I guess your first lesson starts now.”

---

You look around the room you live in. It’s no longer the empty minimalist space it was before you met Peter. Now it’s filled with him. Everywhere you look there are reminders of him. The shower has his body wash and razor. There are pictures of him hanging on the walls. Everything you own has been bought for you by Peter. He dictates what you’re allowed to wear, where you’re allowed to go, who can talk to. It’s all him. Every part of your life revolves around Peter to the point where you don’t know what you would do without him. You wake up to him, go to sleep to him, think about him constantly. You’re even sometimes woken up in the middle of the night to him touching you, wanting you. At some point you stop pretending you don’t want him back. You hate it but it’s true.

Your room has always been a reflection of you as a person.

[fanficwritinggirl]

Thunder (Fred Weasley x reader)

You could say that thunderstorms scared you. I mean the loud bangs of the thunder and the heavy pour of the rain really caused you to panic. It just made you feel trapped. That there was nowhere you could go to get away from it that you were stuck. It sucked to say the least and it made you feel quite childish in all honesty. I mean you were 18 years old for god sakes. You should grow up and get over it right. But this was easier said than done.

It had been dull all day and you knew that it was at least going to rain. But you didn't realise that it was going to be a thunderstorm. And even though you were in the safety of the Weasley home you still were unsettled. The only thing about the Weasley home was that you didn't really get much privacy. There was always someone there and sometimes when you were in a state of panic you just wanted to be on your own. You just wanted to be able to curl up into a ball and forget that it is happening. This is purely due to the fact that you are ashamed of the fact that you are scared of thunder and don't want anyone to know this fact.

You had tried your best to stay downstairs with everyone as the storm grew outside. Everyone was just normal. They were fazed by the heavy rain outside and it made you feel stupid to be honest. The fact that everyone else was fine and you weren't. So that was when you decided that you were going to go to bed. It was a good reason for you to be left alone for the rest of the night. It also meant that you could crawl under the covers and hide from the storm.

So after saying goodnight to everyone and going to bed you try to go to sleep. Lying there for hours just trying to get some sort of sleep even if it was for a few minutes but the adrenaline in your body was not helping you. Everytime a crack of thunder came your heart beated faster and faster and you could feel tears at the brink of your eyes but they never fell. You turned over and looked towards Ginny and Hermione who were both fast asleep, something that you envied.You were sick of lying in bed so you decided that you should go downstairs and get something to drink to lower your nerves.

You sneak down stairs being as quiet as possible trying not to wake anyone up. If anyone saw you in the state that you were now you would never be able to live it down. You get into the kitchen and put some water in the kettle and warm up some water for the tea and you stand waiting for it to boil you look outside. You look at the rain and see that it is coming down very heavily. It makes your heart race again so you try to keep your head down and look at the kettle. When the water is finished boiling you put it into a mug that has a teabag in it and let it steep for a minute while you grab some milk from the fridge. After making your cup of tea you sit down at the table and drink it trying to engross yourself in it so that you can try to ignore the storm.

Though when a huge crack of lightning comes down and you can see the white from the window of where it came down you freaked. You felt unsafe again so without even really thinking you get under the table and curl into a ball rocking back and forth with heavy breathing trying to calm yourself down not being able to.

When Fred walked down to the kitchen in the middle of the night after hearing someone up he didn't really expect the scene that he saw when he walked in. The first thing he saw was the cup of tea on the table and the chair pulled back but when he lowered himself ever so slightly so that he could look to see who was under the table he was shocked to see you in the state that you were in. It broke his heart. "Y/N" he whispers as he circles the table so that he is closer to you and gets down on the floor next to you. He shuffles a bit so that he is right next to you. He could see that you were too frightened to even acknowledge that he was there. You just started on forward with your eyes wide in a trance. He didn't know what to do. Yes he had dealt with frightened people before. I mean he had younger siblings who used to get nightmares all the time but this wasn't just someone who was scared. This was someone who was petrified. "Hey Y/N. Hey, it's ok with me. You're ok. Im here" he says trying to get you to come out of the trance. Give you some comfort.

You could hear him talking to you. Feel him. But you were frozen with fear it was like you couldn't pull out of it. "Hey, I'm here. Im here" he kept saying over and over again and then you feel him wrap his arms around you and pull you to his chest. It was then that you could feel yourself calming down. "Listen to my heart Y/N. Listen to my heart" he says. You felt safe. The sound of his heart beating normally in rhythm calmed you down. Something you hated was when your heart started beating faster than normal making your breathing increase and you panicked thinking you could get it under control. It scared you. But the fact that Fred could keep you from thinking about your breathing and just his heart so that you would just naturally start breathing normally was comforting.

You didn't know how long you sat there for but it didn't feel that long to you if anything you just wanted it to last forever. But Fred pulls back and looks at you. He puts your hair out of your face and takes a good look at you. "How do you feel now?" he asks you. You nod your head at him. "Better" you tell him. He nods his head and you are happy with the answer. You stare at each other for a second before he speaks again.

"How long have you been scared of storms?" he asks you quietly. You knew that you were going to be asked for it. I mean of course you were. Like you couldn't just expect him to calm you down and then just not expect questions. But the thing was other times people asked you about this and this was less than a handful of times. You felt uncomfortable and just brushed it off but you felt comfortable feelling Fred.

"Umm... since I was 7 years old. Ummm... me and my family used to live in the country near some corn fields and something that I used to love to do when I was younger was to go play in them. It was pretty fun when playing hide and seek with your friends. One day it was nice and warm. Sunny. And I decided that I was going to play in the fields like I did all of the time. I must have been running around in them for an hour or so when within the course of about 15 minutes the sky went from sunny to just pure black and heavy rain was coming down. I remember trying to jump up and see where I was but it was just so dark and the rain was just coming down so hard I could see anything. I just keep trying to get home. Or to find shelter to stop the water coming down on my body. And then the thunder started and it just kept getting louder and louder. I could hear it getting closer and closer and I could go anywhere. I was in the middle of nowhere drenched. I was so cold. So cold. I was in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that didn't have sleeves and I was just so cold. I remember I was walking when all of a sudden thunder came down super close to me. Everything around me just went white and I thought that I had died. After a few seconds everything came back into view and I freaked. I ran in a random direction just hoping that it would be the right way and then I slipped and fell. I was covered in mud and I just had no energy. So I lay there until the morning. I remember waking up to the sound of dogs and voices calling my names. A dog camping running towards me and then sitting and barking its head off. The next thing I know I was in the hospital after having really bad hyperthermia and I had to stay for a few days due to me having a really bad cold. They said that I wouldn't have lasted much longer if I had stayed out any longer than I was ''I recount with tears going down my face.

Fred just pulls me closer and kisses my head. "Im sorry Y/N. I had no idea. Why didn't you say anything? '' he asked me. I shake my head. "Because I was ashamed that people would judge me. I mean it was 11 years ago. I should be over it by now. But everytime i hear the thunder and the rain I just can't forget that night. '' I cry and he sighs. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. It is ok to be scared of storms. But you most of all. Don't be ashamed of it. We all have our fears" he explains and I smile. This was why he was my favorite. I pull back and smile at him. "Thanks Fred". He nods his head at me. "No problem".

We sit for a few more minutes before he gets up. "Come on, let's get you back to bed," he says. I nod and stand up taking his hand as a help. When I stand up another crack of lightning comes down and I grab onto Freds waist and cling onto him for dear life. He wraps his arms around him and puts his chin on my head. "Why don't we sleep on the couch tonight. That way I can stay with you" he asks. I nod my head quickly. I didn't want him to leave me. When I was in his arms I felt safe.

We move towards the sitting room and Fred sits down on the couch and lies down. He pulls me towards him and I lie on top of him. He wraps his arms around me as I put my head in the crook of his neck. I smile as I finally feel sleep overcome me.

The next morning we both wake up to the smell of food in the air. I move my head a little bit and feel that I am still on top of Fred. I smile. "Well this is not what i thought i was going to see this morning. Finally found where you went to Freddie" George says smuggly. I groan. Great, now I am going to have to deal with teasing. "George why don't you shut up and go and help mum with breakfast yeah" Fred says as he slowly wakes up. George chuckles and nods his head. "Ok loverboy i will do that" he says before walking out. I sit up and get off of Fred. I look down at him and he is rubbing his eyes trying to wake up. "Umm... thanks for last night" I thank him awkwardly as I'm looking at the floor. He nods and gets up. "No problem" he says. I nod before starting to walk towards the stairs.

"Hey Y/N" he calls. I turn and look at him. He walks up to me and presses his lips to mine in a short but sweet kiss. I pull back and breathe out in shock but I have a huge grin on my face. "Umm..." I said quietly. "I'll see you at breakfast, yeah" I asked him. He nods with a smirk on his face. He kisses my cheek before I turn and run up the stairs feeling shocked but happy.

Fred stands at the bottom of the stairs with a smirk on his face. "Well took you long enough" George calls and Fred groans. "Shut up Georgie".

[theeslytherinslut]

12 Grimmauld Place (3/?)

Pairings: Sirius Black x reader, Remus Lupin x readers brother 

Word Count: 2,072

Warnings: angst, language

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 

It was the only room you’d seen thus far that didn’t have peeling layers of dark-colored paints, ranging from deep emeralds to smoky greys and jet blacks. Instead, it was painted likely the lightest shade of grey Sirius could convince his mother to agree to, but looking around, that was probably the only thing she would’ve approved of in this room. 

Laughing to yourself quietly, you had a stark, strangely sad realization: this was still a teenager's room. Scantily clad Muggle women postered the walls draped across expensive-looking cars, Gryffindor apparel was strewn everywhere possible, what looked to be a Quidditch banner hung from the ceiling, and various Honeydukes wrappings littered the floor. A large, expensive, very elaborately made chair stood in the corner of the room, buried underneath layers of dark clothing. 

“Sorry, probably should’ve cleaned up...wasn’t exactly expecting company though, not that you’re a bother! Merlin, it’s lovely to have someone so love--so...it’s nice to have someone else here.” Sirius finished, as red as the scarlet robes hanging from his canopy bed as he stuttered his way through his explanation. 

“This is...this is incredible,” you said, moving through the room to find a picture of Sirius and James with their arms thrown across each other's shoulders, laughing jovially as Remus shook his finger at them in the distance. Chuckling to yourself, you continued to look at the handful of old pictures that littered his dresser. 

Another picture nearby showed Sirius sneaking up on James as he very clearly flirted with Lily, her face lighting up with laughter as James jumped up in fright. 

“He was always so easy when Lily was around...” Sirius trailed off, smiling sadly at the photos before you. Looking to the other corner of the mirror, you saw three more photos shoved into the cracks. 

The first was a picture of the group of them lounged around the Great Lake; you’d guessed Peter was behind the camera because only the four of them smiled up at you. James’ head lay in Lily’s lap, hers rested on Sirius’ shoulder, who waved up cheerily at you. As Lily sat up to meet James halfway for a quick kiss, Sirius stretched out his arm and pulled in a sheepish looking Remus, ruffling the top of his head affectionately. You smiled at the sight of your brother with his friends. The happiness that radiated from this picture was intoxicating, you never wanted to look away. 

The next was of them in what must’ve been the Gryffindor common room. Being a Slytherin, you’d never seen the inside of anyone else’s common rooms. Large, comfy furniture was placed strategically around the room, drapings of what you’d assumed to be scarlet and gold draped the walls, an inviting fire dominated the center of the room. 

This picture was another of the group of them, but this time a frightened-looking James and a smirking Sirius were evidently getting scolded fiercely by Lily. You laughed upon seeing Remus standing behind Lily in a sort of gesture of good faith but seemingly offered no words to his insolent friends. 

“Hexed a fourth year Slytherin,” he explained, you turned to glare playfully at him, and he smiled, “The git tried to stick gum in my hair! I think there might’ve been an incident with myself and a girlfriend of his, though...Anyway, James caught him just before and...well, he was with Madam Pomfrey for a few days, I think. Lily gave us a right good telling off for that one, came close to Minnie’s scoldings,” Sirius sighed wistfully, likely reliving the day in his head.  

“Wait...” you trailed off upon seeing the last. 

The third picture was in the Great Hall; though many people were in the picture, the center focus seemed to be a group of Slytherin girls standing in the entryway. There, in the center of the photograph, laughing heartily, was you. Your Y/H/C hair was seemingly shining underneath what was likely a very sunny day, your teeth gleaming as you laughed at something someone had said. 

“Is that..?” you turned around, looking to find him sheepishly smirking at his feet. 

“Yes, I believe it is,” he said. A smile was on his face, but he was scrutinizing yours. “I think I nicked it off Remus at some point.”  

“Why?” you shook your head. Surely Sirius Black hadn’t been fawning over you as well? Surely you hadn’t wasted all these years apart because neither one of you had the bollocks. “You could’ve had anybody...” 

“Well, I could--and did,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Please, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not proud of my whorish boyhood--though it only seems fair having given my recent dating history, funnily enough, a dementor's kiss is not a hot thing.” he broke off when you let out a rip of laughter. “But all that is behind me. I can still hear James suggesting I settle down with a nice girl instead of working my way through the female half of our year. Remus gave up on that idea long ago, I think.”

His smile turned sad at the mention of his friend, and your eyes fell back to the picture of the two of them being scolded by Lily. 

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” you said honestly. “The last half of your life...it must’ve been awful. Losing your best mate, your brother essentially, and then being blamed and imprisoned in fucking Azkaban for a decade for it.” 

Sirius didn’t answer, merely looked darkly at the floor. You took your cue to steer the conversation in another direction. Tightening your towel around you, you cleared your throat. 

“So, this nice girl James wanted you to find, any luck thus far? Do I know her?” you asked, lightening the mood. 

“What do you think? This decrepit house isn’t exactly overflowing with options. Unless you count portraits of past, insane, family members, then I’m swimming!” he laughed, skirting around an answer.

“Nothing like a little pureblood incest,” you laughed in return. A draft of cold air blanketed the room, and you shivered. “So, er, I didn’t exactly have time to pack a bag on my way out; you don’t by chance have any clothes you wouldn’t mind me using, do you?” 

“Oh, right! Sorry, it’s absolutely freezing in this drafty old house.” Sirius commented, gesturing to your goosebump covered arms. He turned and clapped his hands, flying to his closet. 

“Well, I’ve got a bunch of my old school clothes in here...Seems dear old Mum had at least half a heart. This stuff might fit you a tad better,” he murmured, running his hands along the swinging clothes in his old closet. After a moment, he let out a barking laugh. “Here!” 

He threw you a maroon hoodie, and you gave him a look, knowing he was teasing you about the housing. Opening the balled up fabric, you smiled despite yourself seeing the front. It was a Gryffindor Quidditch sweatshirt. You grinned giddily as you turned it around and saw Sirius’ last name splayed across the back, complete with his number. What you wouldn’t have given to wear this years ago...

“Did you need pants, too?” Sirius asked, an odd look on his face as you smiled down at his sweatshirt. 

“Oh, no. That’s okay. This looks like it should cover everything--I’m a hot sleeper.” you explained sheepishly.

Turning, you padded softly over to the adjoining bathroom and clicked the door shut. 

What a turn of events. Standing in Sirius Black’s bathroom, you took stock of the night. 

You’d been attacked and almost killed by Fenrir Greyback, only just managing to escape what would have been a horrid death--or worse. After being mended by Madam Pomfrey, Sirius Black was to continue nursing you back to health. Sirius Black, your greatest childhood crush, and the way your heart hammered in your chest even now told you it might not be all the way extinguished. Never once did you think you’d see where he lived, let alone be undressing in his bedroom. 

And his bedroom...what a time capsule it was. It made you feel like you were in school again, hoping to catch him in the hallways between classes, always peering through the stacks of books as he and James teased Remus during his studies. And further, it seemed all that time you hadn’t been the only one watching. Sirius Black had been watching you almost as much as you had him in your school years. Evident in that hidden in his bedroom was a photo of you, a photo you didn’t know he snuck. A photo surrounded by the greatest hits of his school years, surrounded by those he considered family. 

Trying not to let it all go to your head, you groaned when you slipped the sweatshirt over your head. Though the pain in your body wanted to bring you back to reality, the full, uninhibited scent of Sirius sent you reeling once more. A sickly sweet, smoky scent was the most noticeable. Tobacco, maybe? Suddenly, the image of a young Sirius lounged beneath a tree on the skirts of the Great Lake was brought to mind, smoke rolling from his mouth as he brought his hand down from his lips. Of course, another inherently muggle form of rebellion, a double whammy to his family. 

Something woodsy lingered underneath, as if the hoodie had been swaying in the breeze of some forgotten forest for the last twelve years instead of shut up in this abandoned house. Head swimming, you gingerly stepped out into the bedroom before you got lost in your thoughts. 

“So, er, about the bed situa...” Sirius said, trailing off as he turned around to see you leaning against his doorway, sweatshirt draped to the tops of your thighs.

“Sorry, shit, I can put something else on if you want...don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything. I mean, we’ve known each other all this time--sort of, anyway. I must be like a sister to you...this is probably super weird. I’ll just fetch a pair of pants,” you nervously rambled. Sirius’ face had not changed since he saw you, and you were beginning to feel incredibly anxious about it all. 

“No, no. Seriously, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Sirius said, his old playful smile playing on his lips. Rolling your eyes, you damned the blush creeping up your cheeks. 

“Here, I found you these," Sirius said, tossing you a pair of thick brown socks.  "I remember hearing you whine about your hands being cold all the time, figured the same might apply to your toes in an old drafty house like this.” 

“You remember?” you asked him. 

“Yes, well, I overheard you whining about it a time or two, and Remus was always mentioning you whining about being cold...I just remembered, that’s all.” Sirius said, his tone becoming oddly choppy. 

“Well, you’re right. My toes were positively popsicles, but I didn’t want to be a complainer or anything, though...” you trailed off, pulling the thick socks onto your ice-cold feet. 

“Ah yes, get attacked by a murderous werewolf, blast yourself into a wall, shatter a few bones, but lest you complain!” Sirius teased you, smiling once more. 

In the next second of silence that occurred, your stomach rumbled loudly, and you smiled sheepishly. 

“Bastard got me right in the middle of making dinner,” you explained. 

“Well, come on then. I’ll have Kreacher fix us something; what would you like?” Sirius asked, seemingly happy that he could help. 

“What’s he good at?” you shrugged, hungry for anything. Winking at you, Sirius barked for Kreacher as he led you down into the kitchen. 

“Yes, Master?” Kreacher croaked, bowing so lowly his nose brushed against the dusty floor. 

“Fix us some herb dumpling stew, won’t you? And some of those delicious little mince pies you make.” Sirius said, and at once, the elf nodded and stepped over to the stove. 

“And some apple pie?” you asked hopefully as you sank into the seat across from Sirius at the long kitchen table. 

“Whatever she asks, Kreacher,” Sirius commanded, smiling fondly at your excited state. 

“Of course, Master...Kreacher gladly serves those pure of blood...gladly...whatever she asks..” he agreed in his funny speech patterns. 

While Kreacher was cooking, Sirius reckoned it was time to alert Remus and the rest of the Order, and you couldn’t find a reason to disagree.Sighing, you watched him disappear to retrieve Remus.   

[roonilwazlibimagines]

hey so I’m drunk and it’s 3 am what do you think the hp boys would be like when you’re super drunk and emotional? And how would they support you through your hangover?? ILY

I wish I was drunk :(

Harry

When you’re super drunk and emotional he kinda just lets you do what you have to do and agrees with every stupid thing you say

But he is also kinda following you from a distance just to make sure you don’t get hurt or in trouble

In the morning he is smirking because of your hangover but also like caressing your forehead and pushing your hair back and slightly cooing at you

Will make you a big breakfast and force you to drink lots of water

Draco

Is very amused when you’re drunk and looks smug, especially if you’re being emotional over him

He keeps talking to you because he likes when you say stupid stuff and it keeps you in his line of vision where he knows you’re safe

In the morning he listens to all of your complains and chuckles

But will spend the whole day doing nothing with you and he will whine and complain whenever you am for something but he will always do it

Cedric

Gets really confident and cocky if you’re being emotional over him

Will not leave your side and would follow you like a lost puppy if he wasn’t so confident and cocky about it

He will tease you about it in the morning and remind you of all the things you got emotional about

But he will also mockingly coo at you while he does whatever you ask

Ron

Gets really flustered and doesn’t really know how to deal with an emotional drunk

Is constantly watching you and slightly hovering over you to ensure you don’t get hurt

In the morning he is really genuinely cooing at you and trying to make you feel better

I just feel like he has all of these home remedies his mum makes to make you feel better

Fred

Says stupid stuff to get an even bigger reaction out of you

And just has like a smug smirk on his face and keeps calling you cute

Will tease tease you about it in the morning and make lots of noise

Until you’re pouting at him and he starts mock cooing at you - but he still makes sure you’re okay

George

Keeps egging you on and probably accidentally makes you way more emotional than he intended

But then he would be super soft with you and make sure you’re okay

In the morning he just has a smirk on his face as he watches you struggle to get up

Laughs at you when you tell him to shut up but already has breakfast and water prepared for you

Oliver

I feel like he would be genuinely surprised and doesn’t really know how to act when you’re drunk and very emotional

But if you kept following he would let you and he realises that you’re drunk and not going to remember anything so he lets you keep talking to him

He would tell you to go on a run with him the morning to feel better

But also has a really yummy breakfast and water prepared for you to make you feel better

Neville

Is very flustered and doesn’t know how to react when you’re very emotional

But then he would get a bit confident because of how drunk you are and he is going you the best advice and just hyping you up

In the morning he is genuinely worried about you and he keeps checking on you throughout the night to make sure you’re breathing

Will do anything for you because he doesn’t want you to be uncomfortable

Tom

Tom lets you do whatever you need and just sits back confidently and smugly and nods along with everything you’re saying

His hand would also probably rest kinda low so everyone knows not to go near you because he doesn’t want you to get hurt

In the morning I feel like he would eep that smug look because he can tell that you’re trying not to let on how bad you feel

Will do anything for you but will get really defensive if you say anything

Blaise

Blaise gets really concerned when you’re emotional and would lowkey drag you away from the party so you could properly talk to him

Will listen and nod and let you have all of your emotions and hold you if you wanted to be cuddled

In the morning he will tease you about it definitely

But he would have like a full tray of your favourite breakfast and makes you eat it in bed and just dotes after you the entire day

Bill

Is amazed that you can have that many emotions and just is listening super intently

Makes you stop drinking and follows you around because he doesn’t want you to get hurt 

Definitely has a home made remedy to make you feel better in the morning

Will retell everything you told him just to annoy you and watch you groan and get embarrassed over it

Charlie

Sits back smugly and lets you tell him everything you’re feeling and just listens

Will let you cuddle him if you’re having too many emotions and he hugs you tightly and makes you feel really safe

In the morning he would have everything prepared to make you feel better

But he would also bring up anything you said to him that may have concerned him because he really wants to make sure you’re okay

Hermione

Gets really genuinely concerned when you show her all of those emotions

But she would also give really good advice and talk to you as if you weren’t drunk and just having a normal conversation

In the morning when you’re groaning at her and whining she tells you that it is your fault you feel like this

But she is still doing everything she can to make sure you feel okay

Ginny

Loves that you are telling her all of your emotions and is very smug and confident about it

She would make you think you were still drinking but she is giving you water instead

In the morning she definitely teases you about it and won’t stop laughing

But is also doing everything she can to make sure that you’re feeling okay

Luna

Sometimes you’ll say things and she will blame it on some magical creature 

Listens really intently and is asking some really good questions that makes you think and she is just happy to listen and be there for you

Definitely has some remedy to get rid of a headache but it would probably be super weird and gross

But she would like make sure you drink it as well so you have to pretend to like it and honestly seeing her being so supportive means it doesn’t matter

Pansy

Is telling you you’re a bad bitch and you need to express those emotions more positively

Hypes you up and makes you dance with her but also scares anyone who comes too close to you 

Will tease you about it in the morning and relive everything you told her

I feel like she has had enough night outs to know how to get rid of a headache and it actually works and it is probably something really simple

Fleur

Is hyping you up but also really listening to your emotions and giving good advice and is just really concerned

Distracts you enough to stop drinking because she is just having a really good conversation with you

Teases you about it the next day

But is also doting over you all day and doing everything she possibly can to make sure you’re feeling okay

Tonks

Thinks you’re very cute and is just letting you do what you gotta do and sitting back and enjoying it

Also feel like if you were drunk you would keep making her change her appearance and ofc she would for you

In the morning she teases you about it for a little bit but will also cuddle you until you feel better

And spends the whole day mock cooing at you just so you’ll bury your head in her chest

Taglist - Here is to be added to my taglist or change what you’re tagged in

@georgeweasleysbabe  @aurora-lupin @thebooksarealwaysbettersworld @adoregin @heebyjeebiebbs  @lunalovegoodsgirlfriend @irlpadfoot @fleurho @slyther-claw05 @drxcomvlfx @itsjasjones @frecklesandfirecrackers @coldsweetharmony @dracos-apple01 @heyheyhaleyd @milkshakelol @theweasleyslut @dracosbaibe @andineverwould @georgeweasleypee @ninajazzstar @willowestelle @potterly @chaseanders @welovealotofshit @kyleed24 @wonderwoman292 @gloryekaterina @julessworldd​ @fredweasleyshoney

[whatiwillsay]

submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)

Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.

I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.

I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things

Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.

Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.

About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord

At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.

This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis

I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.

But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.

Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year

(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)

He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault

He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is

He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff

Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.

Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it

One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.

It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.

I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.

So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof

To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.

It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point

The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it

And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.

It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?

And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.

And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it

I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol

Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.

And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.

It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.

Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.

But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L

submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️

ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me.  but i am very emotional right now.  i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience.  ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.

please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support.  have you been financially impacted by this?  we can raise money.  do you need therapy?  we can help you find the support you need.  this community is unequivocally here for you.  whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will.  you have my solemn promise on that.

i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this.  i was shaking while reading your story.

i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened.  this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do.  this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.

[m4gp13]

For those of you who made it through my laughably incoherent ethabaster think piece, here’s some hc’s, you’ve earned them:

- Ethan has sole possession of their one shared brain cell. Alabaster is not allowed to even look at it. This is because they used to have two but Al broke the good one trying to blow up something (probably Percy).

- If Al finds out Ethan left without some form of magical protection i.e. a sigil, a crystal, ground eggshells, he will be pretty much vibrating with nerves until Ethan gets back so he can give him a once-over.

- Alabaster’s from a very witchy family who all worship Hecate for many reasons that differ depending on which estranged relative you ask and they all kinda saw Al as the first coming of witch Christ so he had a lot of expectations at a very young age.

- Ethan knows this and tries to lift as much Titan army business off his shoulders as possible.

- He accidentally lifts too much off to the point where he is drowning in work and is now the one in need of saving. But does he tell anyone that if he looks at one more stack of demands from his mile long list of bosses he’s going to cry for five hours? Of course not don’t be ridiculous.

- Alabaster immediately hated Percy as soon as he heard the guys name but due to the arena stuff and telling Thalia not to k*ll him Ethan actually held a bit of respect for Percy which annoyed Al to no end.

-This was until the not-so-peaceful peace talk in tlo when Percy starts shit talking Nemesis and Ethan just internally goes “actually the witch bitch was right this guy sucks ass”

-However, under no circumstances will Ethan ever tell this to Alabaster; not because he values his pride (he has none) but because he knows the life of a demigod is short and he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his very short one hearing Al rub that one thing in his face for every single second of it.

- And I mean Every. Single. Second.

- So yeah he takes that to the grave and doesn’t even tell anyone in the underworld in case they tell Al when he dies and he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his afterlife with Al being a dumbass. (also yes Ethan got into Elysium, fuck you)

- (Actually I have another idea about where Ethan went post-life but that’s so far from canon it’s more of an AU than a headcanon so we’re gonna leave that out for now)

- Al thought he was the one in charge of the Hecate kids because he was the most powerful and the highest ranking in the army but he was Not. That was Ethan. The Hecate kids thought Ethan was their unofficial adopted baby brother but little did they know he was the mum the whole time.

- Ethan is the only thing standing between them and starving to death. He also does the younger kids hair and gives everyone with long hair super intricate braids that stay out of their faces during “field work”. Al thinks this is more of him trying to take the weight off his shoulders but Ethan knows that if he doesn’t do this shit no one will so he kinda has to. Not that he doesn’t like doing it. being helpful is his love language.

 - Because of their powers over the mist the Hecate kids of the army were notorious pranksters who were usually at war with the Hermes kids (wars usually declared by Al because he rolled a zero on self restraint) but none of them prank Ethan because “nooooo you can’t do him he babey 🥺”

- Ethan has simply decided that what the magic prank wizards don’t know can’t hurt them and just turns to his blind side whenever he sees them sneaking off the ship to get Micky D’s in the middle of the night to stay on their good sides.

- Speaking of the ship, Ethan thinks it’s the dumbest thing in the world that one of their most powerful demigod enemies is the son of a sea god and he actually has a pretty decent relationship with said sea god and their main base of operations aside from mt Othrys is a fucking BOAT. He tells Al all about his worries for the ship and while Al assures him that nothing that bad could happen he always makes sure that the ship always has the least amount of demigods on board at all times just in case.

- It takes all the strength Ethan has not to yell “TOLD YOU SO” at him when the ship blows up.

- Al probably either wears basic white boy clothes or typical witchy stuff (like moons and shit) depending his mood meanwhile Ethan found out about leather and just goes for it.  

- Every grunge/punk/emo/eboy/teachwear bitch aspires to be him and because he aint about all that “gender roles” bs he definitely goes about wearing cool egirl stuff too. Not just slightly feminine shaped jumpers but all the plaid skirts, fishnets and lace trimmed dresses he can steal afford and Al, despite his more basic fashion taste is here for it. You’ve never seen someone more supportive of their pals fits, get you a hypeman like Al. You deserve it. (Ethan is also not afraid to walk around in a full pastel gamer girl fit)

- (Also Al hyping up one Ethans fits in front of a Titan is the reason they were allowed to start wearing army fatigues instead of the whole ancient Greek armour on occasion)

- Ethan appreciates Al’s enthusiasm but he also kinda doesn’t get it. And he definitely doesn't do that “yeah you’re right I DO look good” thing because he just doesn’t know how. He’d always been a little self-conscious about getting a big head but then he found out about Nemesis and hubris and all that fun stuff, looked at his meager pile of self worth and said “ yep, this has to go”

- Al almost starts crying when he finds out and pretty much makes it mission to be such a good hype man that Ethan has no choice but to think of himself as a Pretty Cool Dude via absorbing the hype through diffusion. It kinda starts working but then Ethan [REDACTED] in tlo so we’ll never know what could’ve been.

- To nick a hc from someone ( hi @chromarozee-spam) contrary to his taste in clothes Ethan does ballet (he was a punk AND did ballet, what more can I say?) and while Al tries to support his hobbies he is genuinely afraid both for and of him. “For” because “holy fuck that looks painful are you okay?”. And “of” because “are you sure those are bones inside you because I don’t think bones are supposed do that?!”.

- Ethan tries to assure him that no his spine is not made of rubber, broken bones or otherworldly materials so can he stop bothering him during practice please?

- This does not stop Al from making a million protection wards and constantly asking his deck if Ethan is indeed a Being of this Good Green Earth.

- Eventually his cards pretty much just tell him that he is friends with one bendy heck of a boi and he needs to fucking get over it so he kinda just,, ,,,,, , does.

- Again with the hc thieving (this time from @altorringtons) Al learning to use a two-handed broadsword so he can guard Ethan’s blind side and back in a fight *soft noises* just them trying so hard to keep each other alive because they love each other and they care about each other!

- They also sleep in the same bed whenever they get the chance (fully clothed ya nasties, they’re kids) and they just hug each other soooo tight because they just need to know they’re alright cos they always get pretty banged up in fights against campers or just monsters that are too much like wild animals to recruit. (What? Me? Projecting my desire to be intimately held by the closest person I have to family with their arms wrapped not tight enough to make me uncomfortable but tight enough to make me feel loved? Never! What on earth are you talking about?)

- Because Al is super stubborn and prideful whenever they have an argument Al can’t really bring himself to say he’s sorry so when he’s ready to apologise he just climbs into bed on Ethan’s blind side and cuddles him because he knows Ethan is super worried about getting attacked on his blind side so it’s like he has a guard or a shield.

- Ethan on the other hand just calls him a Rock Boy in a derogatory way until he gets over himself and apologizes but he really does love the fact that Al knows that about him and accommodates that.

- The thing they fight about most is how “heroic” the titan army is. Kronos’ brainwashing worked on Al like a charm and he fully believes that they are the rebellion and camp is the empire. Ethan on the other hand wasn’t at camp long enough for Kronos or Luke to really do anything but it doesn’t matter because Ethan really doesn’t give a shit if he’s on the “evil side” cos he just wants respect and he’s willing to do what it takes without a second thought of how people see him. If he thinks he’s doing the right thing but on the wrong side he can live with that but Al needs to feel like all of his side is on the moral high ground because that’s what Kronos drilled into his brain.

- Ethan knows that Al delusional when it comes to the non-existent heroics of the army but eventually he just decides to let Al believe the titans lies because that’s easier for him even if it hurts Ethan to see him being manipulated like that.

- Due to Ethan not giving a shit on the humanity of his bosses he gets punished a lot more often and a lot more violently than Al because they know that Ethan already knows they don’t care about him so they don’t have to sugar coat him but Al still believes that they’re heroes and his mindset needs to stay like that to keep him obedient.

- Also because I am  a Cruel Person By Nature I hc Ethan’s mortal family (which usually just consists of his dad) as meeting a not very pg13 end at the hands of a monster who wanted to nible on Ethan a tad which pretty much scarred him for life.

- SO, at the end of the battle of Man Hats Are In when Al looks around and sees that his whole family (that joined the titans) are dead! oh no! How sad! At least he knows someone whose been through the same thing so they understand each other and can help each other through this tough time together right? SIKE!

- so yeah Al learns Ethan d-worded in the worst possible way at the worst possible time and just looses it from grief. Loosing his family was bad enough but finding out he lost the one person he thought he would be able to confide in and heal with immediately after just really rubs salt in the wound.

- When the survivors start re-grouping to find someplace to hide until the gods forget about them Al just wanders off because it’s all he can do to not break down on the spot.

- He’s just wandering in a daze for a while and most people just assume he’s high but he snaps out of it and gets into anger mode when Lamia starts attacking him because he finally has something to do and occupy himself with even though it’s hard not to think about his sibling especially when Lamia keeps talking like they never would have died if she’d been in charge which is why she should totally just kill him and lead their siblings instead.

- His desire to have something to keep his mind off his family and Ethan is the first thing he thinks about when Claymore re-alives and immediately starts talking about doing research (yeah because that’s what you need after a long stressful day of fighting monsters and literally dying).

- Ethan keeps trying to cross the veil and help, even if he just sends Al a pleasant dream to help him sleep but contrary to what you might think from the name, the veil is really hard to cross so Ethan just has to bite his nails and watch his friend suffer.

- It gets easier to watch after Al and Claymore pretty much adopt each other because at least he has someone but they do still get into pretty scary situations.

- When they were both premortem they got paired up for a lot of missions for the titan army and they usually just tried to pretend they were on a fun road trip around America when they could and make fun of mortal shit together.

- At one point they were in a motel and the last people accidentally left behind one of Claymore’s books about death and they found it the funniest thing ever. Between a pair of in which one of their mum’s regularly goes to the underworld and one has been there himself they find mortal ideas of the afterlife to be very amusing.

- Alabaster has decided he would not like to share this with the class (Claymore) thank you very much.

- Also when they’re doing their road tripping Ethan knows all the best places to crash, the cheapest food places and the local gangs don’t bother them because between running away from camp and joining the army he just wandered around a lot.

- Like he’d just hop on a random train, take a nap and figure it out when he wakes up; he made a lot of friends this way too as well as his taste in clothes cos he didn’t have a lot of money so he’d just DIY some second hand punk shit. Al thinks he’s the Gandalf of the demigod world because he just knows everyone who might help them and everywhere they could spend the night. He definitely tells his siblings about Ethan being the closest thing they have to a wandering wizard and they fucking love it.

- Also because Nemesis tends to not have a lot of kids Ethan was the only one of hers in the army and Al felt really bad for him because his sibling were his favourite part about the army so he tried to include Ethan in as much as possible with his siblings.

- As an unexpected result Ethan ended up with a small army of super powered children to sick on the people who keep making jabs about him loosing in the arena battle.

- Al sometimes thinks he’s given him too much power but also he will fuck a bitch up if they make fun of his pals so he sees where his siblings are coming from and yeah those bitches had it coming. He also has a copy of bitchcraft.

- Ethan’s dad was the type to play “Stay With Me” by Miki Matsubara on repeat for hours and Ethan would probably enjoy the song but he’s heard it so often that now it makes his ears bleed and Al sometimes tortures him with for fun until Ethan starts throwing shit.

- To steal another hc from @chromarozee-spam Ethan has a thing for cats and one time Al accidentally gave himself mistform cat-ears and Ethan could not stop touching them. Ethan was just craning his head back uncontrollably grinning so much his face hurt. Al can’t bring himself to be upset because Ethan rarely ever smiles since he joined the army.

- Al saw Ethan crying over one of those video’s where people put their hoodies on backwards and put their cat in the hood so he made a mist cat and bought him a hoodie. Ethan of course started crying again but it was happy tears instead.

- Ethan is fucking tiny while Al is almost a foot taller than him. He wouldn’t mind so much if Al didn’t exhaust every opportunity to rub it in his face so he just starts climbing all over shit (especially tall buildings) half to give Al heart attacks and half so he can be like “Sorry? What was that? I’m so high up I can’t hear you. Can you speak up a little? Maybe get a ladder? Or taller?”

- Also I don’t know why but I hc Al as Texan. Ethan gets told about this “Alabaster C. Torrington” guy who knows latin, incantations and other magical knowledge and expects some fancy British guy so when they meet and Al speaks Ethan gets whiplash so hard he fuckin chokes.

- Al is also very casual and Ethan is pretty professional so when he meets this magic general with a straight back and the first thing that comes out of this assholes mouth is some “Howdy y’all!!” bullshit he just dies on the spot.

- Also because Al is texan he is very sensitive to the cold (I’m about 80% sure that Texas is one of the Warm states) so when he has to do stuff in cold places like the labyrinth or new york (idk about that one to but in every film I’ve seen that’s set in NY it’s raining for about 90% of the time) he complains about being freezing all the time until Ethan helpfully reminds him that he can literally make fire out of nothing, surely he can find a way to warm himself up.

- Ethan is also sensitive to the cold because he’s basically malnourished but he’s been like that for a while and thinks it’s normal so he sucks it up until Al notices he’s always cold. Ethan tells him it’s fine but Al is basically a walking electric blanket so whenever Al cuddles him to keep him warm Ethan can’t help but melt because he’s so fucking warm and soft and have you noticed I crave intimacy?

- Ethan started studying Greek myths vigorously since he found out he was a demigod and when he died he kept an eye and an ear out for Al because even though he wouldn’t be able to do anything it still reassures him to know what’s going on, HOWEVER, he was almost filled with enough malice to rip through the barrier between the living and the dead purely to beat an ass when he hears Al’s little “I don’t bother reading about worthless monsters like you!” jab.

- Ethan is very jumpy and fidgety to the point where Al is genuinely concerned and while Ethan assures Al that nothing’s wrong Al is still suspicious. Ethan probably would have told Al about it if it was because of anything but Kronos but seeing that it mostly is, he doesn’t because Ethan feels like Al will just take Kronos’ word over his and he’ll loose the only person he trusts in the army.

- Al doesn’t find out about it until way after the war when Kronos’ brainwashing starts to come undone because by then his mindset is a lot less biased in the titans favour so he can see things that he just unconsciously ignored before and is able to put two and two together. When he does boy is it a trip.

- Ethan is really bad at talking about feelings and stuff so whenever Al gets upset over something and Ethan has no idea how to talk to him he’ll just get him some rocks. One time Ethan found out about those heart shaped valentine boxes that are normally filled with chocolates but people put crystals in them and that just became his go-to for when Al was especially upset. 

- Al is only slightly better at talking about stuff but he can still get Ethan to open up to him which is good because Ethan isn’t very materialistic so it’s hard to make him feel better by buying him things and because someone needs to get Ethan to express himself in an emotionally healthy way.

- Also because of this they just can’t tell each other they love each other. Like they’ll barely whisper it when the other is asleep because they’re just so bad at talking about feelings. It wasn’t that much of an issue until after the war and Ethan gets k-worded and Al is left alone and sobbing over all the times he never told his loved ones how much they meant to him.

- But because this is a headcanon list; fuck that, Al saved Ethan with some sort of magic bullshit and they talk about how much they love each other all the time now because they can’t stand the thought of one of them dying having never been told how much they are loved.

[jaehyunspeachparty]

1.13

warnings: This story contains content that could be problematic for one or the other. Among other things, the story may contain content about sex, rape, late pregnancy, relationship with a large age difference, and others. Just because it's in the warnings doesn't mean these topics will appear, but they will definitely be covered in the story. The content of the story is fixed and doesn’t change. If you don't feel comfortable with these topics, then it's okay if you don't read the story. I just write down my ideas here and I just enjoy writing about life. The fact that some things in life are not rational or weird for some people is also part of it.

Miga was still with SM because her friend Dae will have her debut soon and she wanted to comfort her. Dae had also been with SM for a long time, namely since she was 13 years old. Dae and Miga grew up together in the company and they have been friends since then. Dae had her first recording that day and she was so nervous that Miga came over to support her. The producer was also relatively young, but everyone was enthusiastic about him. His name is Para and he was 23 years old. "So, can we start?" Para asked when he came into the studio, but when he saw Miga he turned interested to her. "Hey, didn't I notice something? I thought you were an actress." He winked and Miga waved it off. "Yeah, singing is not my thing. I'll go." She hugged Dae tightly and whispered encouraging words in her ear. Then she said goodbye and left the studio. It was Saturday and therefore a lot more less people in the company. The corridor was empty and Miga felt more and more uncomfortable. Her heart started beating faster for no reason. Suddenly a man came out of the room and was walking along the corridor. Miga could barely breathe, she became more and more panicked and tried to walk quickly to the exit. But with her high heels she was slower. The next moment the door next to her went up and surprisingly Hyunjin stand in front of her. He grinned happily, because due to his tight schedule, the two hardly had time to see each other. "Hey Miga!" He walks up to her and wanted to talk to her, but Miga was no longer with herself. She fell completely into a panic attack. With big eyes she looked at Hyunjin for a second, but she didn't see him anymore, she saw in him the men she wanted to rape her a week ago. She could no longer see reality and she had the feeling that she could no longer breathe. She ran off without saying anything. And she can't quite remember, but at one point she sat in her car and locked the doors. She put her hands on the steering wheel and rested her head on it. She breathes in and out deeply. Her trauma is still deep inside her. Her panic attack was only slowly subsiding. Her hands were shaking and she was still dizzy. She quickly took her bottle and took a quick gulp of water. She leaned back and took a deep breath as her pulse settled again. Was that a trauma that she couldn't push away so easily?

Sunoh was home all day doing what he looked forward to all day. At the weekend he facetimed with Chichi for a long time, who has been in Japan for a week now. "I'm pretty nervous. A week of training is very little." Chichi made her first show that evening. It's a charity performance and the new ballet dancers introduce themselves. "I'm sure you can do it." Sunoh looked dreamily into the screen and he wished he could travel to her immediately. He wants to be there for her, support her and maybe other things. Sunoh kept wandering in thoughts ... but certain thoughts ... adult thoughts ... and he was ashamed of them. Chichi was so cute, beautiful and innocent and he had these dirty thoughts. "What are you doing today?", Chichi asked and looked at Sunoh with her dark eyes. "Johnny and Irene have invited us all. There is a party and I think there will be an announcement." "Ahhh yes, Dad told me about it. I wish I could be there." She sighed and looked a little sad. "You won't miss a thing. It's going to be super boring." Sunoh hadn't felt like anything since Chichi was gone. He's just waiting until he can finally talk to Chichi on the phone. "But I'd rather be with you," Sunoh admitted and his cheeks turned red. Chichi's face also turned red and her heart began to beat faster. "I wish I could be with you too," she admitted and Sunoh's heart softened. He would like to fly to her on the next plane, hug her, kiss her and ... Sunoh pressed his lips together. His hormones were driving him crazy and his thoughts were only more about one thing. Sometimes he didn't even know what was wrong with him. "I really want to see you during the Christmas break. But Mum wanted us to visit Audrey in Switzerland and I should come with them. But I'm still trying to persuade her." "No, visit your aunt and your cousins. You see them less than me." Chichi didn't want him to neglect his family because of her. "But I don't want to go to Switzerland, I want to see you. Only Mum doesn't want me to be alone in another country." He sighed and he thought he was old enough to travel alone, but you didn't want to leave him alone. "It's okay, I'll be back soon." Chichi didn't want him to get in trouble just because of her. "Chichi! You have to go," someone in the background suddenly calls the small girl. She had to end the phone call with Sunoh for the fitting. The two of them always had a hard time parting, but there was no other way because Chichi had to go and Sunoh was alone in his room again.

You put on earrings and get ready for the party for Johnny when Jaehyun walked into your bathroom. He's got a little bag that he puts down and then hugs you from behind and kisses you. "Hey, how was the photo shoot?" You ask him. He had to get up early and still had to work a little. "Fine, but I've been excited all day." He smiled and gently stroked your hip. "Me too. Is it in there?" You point to the bag and he nodded. You then grab something and look at him. "I'm over 2 weeks, which is actually a good sign." You were holding a pregnancy test and your heart was pounding with excitement. You hadn't had your period for over 2 weeks and you both now had hope of conceiving. You didn't want to take the test until tomorrow, but you both wanted a child so badly that you couldn't wait. "I'm positive." Jaehyun was excited too, sometimes you thought he wanted a child more than you. "Okay I'll do it." You unpack the test and then sit on the toilet. Jaehyun sat down on the bathroom floor across from you. "You look beautiful," he said with a grin. "Jaehyun, I'm peeing right now", you had to laugh but concentrate on the test. You put the cap on it and get dressed again. You wash your hands and sit down with Jaehyun. He put his arms around you and both of you look excitedly at the test. "Imagine we have another girl after all the boys. Then we started with a girl and we finish with a girl." Jaehyun hugged you tight and put his chin on your shoulder. "Don't be too hasty. Let's wait and see the result." You smile and stare at the test. "I know, I know. But I would still like a girl." Jaehyun kissed you and you have to smile. It reminded you of the time you tried to have a second child. You didn't do a pregnancy test with the twins, so it was more of a surprise. "See the result will be displayed immediately." You pick up the test and you could feel Jaehyun's pulse. You couldn't wait to see the result and you almost ran out of breath. It only takes a few seconds and then there is the result 

... not pregnant...

You stare at the test, you couldn't believe it. You were so sure of yourself. You really thought you were pregnant. Jaehyun saw that you stopped moving. He took the test out of your hands and set it aside. He hugged you tight and stroked you. But you were so disappointed you just couldn't believe it. "I am sorry." You suddenly start crying because you couldn't hide your disappointment. You feel like a failure, like you couldn't do what your body was made to do. "Don't blame yourself. We'll manage it." Jaehyun pressed your head to his chest and you couldn't stop sobbing. "I'm too old, we should have started having a baby earlier." "Y/N, it could be up to me too. We don't know. Don't blame yourself. We have other options." Jaehyun tries to cheer you up, but you were so sad. You cry and cry and cry. Jaehyun had you tight in her arms and you are sitting there on the bathroom floor trying to process it all. But then suddenly the door opened and Geon came in. "Mum, when are we going? .... OH!" He saw his parents sitting on the floor and his mother crying. "Is everything okay?" He asked and didn't know what to say. "Is Miga there yet?" Jaehyun asked and Geon nodded. "Okay, we'll be down in a moment. Give us a few more minutes." Jaehyun looked at his son, who nodded.

Geon went back down to the entrance where Sunoh, Miga and Kiwoo were already standing. "And where are they?" Asked Miga and looked curiously at her little brother. "Mum is crying ..." Geon said, very shocked. "She's crying?" Asked Sunoh in surprise. "Why is Mum crying?" Asked Kiwoo, surprised and also worried. "I don't know, but Dad doesn't look too good either," Geon said, shrugging his shoulders. "Shit ..." Miga looked sadly into the room. "What? Do you know why they're sad?" Asked Sunoh. "I think mum isn't pregnant again. I heard them talking about it the other day, that they think it worked now." Miga sighed and leaned against the wall. The siblings became quiet and didn't know what to say. "It's best if you all drive with me in the car and we'll give Mum and Dad a little time together. Or what do you think?" Suggested Miga, and everyone agreed. At that moment you came down with Jaehyun. Your eyes were still all red, but you are trying to collect yourself. "Shall we go?" Asked Jaehyun and looked at his children. "Yes, Sunoh, Kiwoo and Geon are going with me. Is that okay?" Miga smiled gently and you nod. "Okay, go then." Miga pushed her brothers into the garage and they got into the car.

"Can you do it?" Jaehyun asked as he drove off and he put a hand on your thigh. "Yeah, distraction is good. How are you?" You look at your husband who is focused on the street. "I'm really sad, but I'm looking forward to a nice party with good friends." Jaehyun smiled gently and you were calmer by now. "Sunoh thinks that Johnny is going to announce something. Do you think he has something to announce?" You ask and look curiously at Jaehyun, but he shrugged his shoulders. "I really don't know. Johnny is so random sometimes." "Maybe he married Irene. I think she wanted that." "That may well be, as I said, Johnny is acting sometimes randomly." The journey doesn't take long and they were there. Miga and the boys arrived at the same time and the whole family got out. "Mum, you look good," Miga said honestly and put her arm around you. You knew she wanted to cheer you up and you were grateful to her for that. "Thanks my darling, you look gorgeous too." You kiss her hair and go to the house with her. Kiwoo rang the bell and Johnny immediately opened the door. "Hey, welcome. Come in." He took a step aside so that everyone could come in.

In the meantime, Sunoh goes to Jaina and sits down next to her. "Hey," she said, turning to him. "Hey," he sighed and leaned back. "Are you okay?", She asked surprised, but she already had a guess what could be. "Yes everything fine." Sunoh wasn't ready to tell others that he was into Chichi. "And with you?", He then asked her, but Jaina shrugged her shoulders. "Let's talk about it later after Dad makes his announcement." She sighed and Sunoh nodded. He knew that Johnny had a reason to invite everyone. Then Jaina suddenly got up and went to the bar. She poured a shot of rum into her Coke, but Miga saw it. "Jaina, what are you doing?" She admonished her. "I only drink cola." She grinned and took a long swig. "You are 14 years old, you are still too young for alcohol. Throw that away now or I have to tell Johnny." Miga was worried about Jaina, she had already met her drunk and she didn't want anything bad to happen to her. Jaina finish her drink in one gulp and grinned. "Nobody cares anyway." She shrugged her shoulders. "But everyone is interested and I am interested," Miga tried to be there for her, but Jaina was too prepubertal. "Oh, really? Or do you want to act like a big sister to me too? You just want to show everyone your perfect life. You never make mistakes." Jaina rolled her eyes and sighed. "That's not true. I make mistakes ...", but Jaina turned away and didn't want to listen to her any more. She didn't understand what Jaina had against her lately, but the girl had something. "All right?" She suddenly heard and when she turned around she saw her mistake. Jaemin. "Yes and with you?" She asks with a smile. "Yes, but I wanted to ask you ..." But before Jaemin could continue speaking, Johnny's voice grew loud. "Can I just ask for your attention?" He stepped into the middle of the room and took Irene by the hand. With a big grin she followed him until they were in the middle of the room. In the meantime everyone was there, almost all NCT members with their families. The house was full, but everyone was staring at Johnny intently. "I want to keep it short, but the reason I invited you all today is ..." He paused and put his arm around Irene. He looked deeply into her eyes and smiled. "We are engaged. We are going to get married," shouted Johnny and Irene held up her finger with the engagement ring. Suddenly it got loud in the room, many walked up to them and Sunoh looked at Jaina in suprise. She stood and stared at her father and stepmother. Tears stood in her eyes and at some point she couldn't look at it anymore and ran out of the house. Sunoh followed her and held her tight. "Jaina ... wait. What's wrong?", Sunoh asked and looked at her. "Dad still loves Mum ..." She looked sadly at the floor and began to sob softly. Jaina was suddenly so small, so vulnerable. "What?" Sunoh was surprised and didn't quite understand anything. "Dad was at Mum's a few days ago and told about the engagement. I overheard...I shouldn't have, but Dad said he still loves Mum. But Mum doesn't want to take him back." Jaina started crying because all she wanted was her parents to get back together. She had no problem with Irene, but she wanted her parents to be a couple again. "Jaina ... I'm sorry." He took Jaina in his arms and that was all she needed.

Miga fled meanwhile from all the chaos. It was all too much for her. She had other problems. Hyunjin wrote to her and asked what was going on. She doesn't know what to say. Her heart was racing and everything indicated she was going to have a panic attack. She quickly runs into the bathroom and leans on the sink. She took a deep breath when she suddenly hears a familiar voice. "All good?" Jaemin stood by the door and looked at her worriedly. Miga was shocked briefly, but she smiled when she saw him. "Yes everything fine." Of course she lied, but she still didn't want Jaemin to tell her parents about the incident. "I feel like you are lying to me." He stood in front of her and looked down at her. Miga looked up at him and she felt all the tension. She knew that he wanted it, that he felt more for her. Her dark and large eyes were fixed on his. Jaemin was completely captivated by her. He hardly realized what was happening and what he was doing. But now it was Miga who acted. She longed for his attention. So she stood on her tiptoe and kissed Jaemin briefly and gently. Then she stopped and waited for his reaction. Jaemin pressed his lips together and tried to collect himself, but everything in him contracted. He suppressed his longing for Miga for so long and her lips suddenly felt like the release. And now he was getting greedy. He wanted her closer, deeper, more intense. He suddenly grabbed her, pressed his body against her, and kissed her. This kiss was no longer gentle, it was passionate. Miga felt his groin press against his hip and he then lifted her up to put her on the counter next to the sink. Their lips were tight together. Miga moaned softly and that made him even wilder. He put his hands on her thighs and ran his hands up and under her dress. Miga felt how everything in her vibrated, how wet she was. She had longed for such a passion and Jaemin was the perfect lover. And Miga meanwhile pressed her middle closer to him and put her hands tightly around his neck. And the next moment the door opened. However, the two did not check it in time. And they were still in the process of making out. Then they only heard a startled sigh and when the two looked over, they saw Renjun. He looked at the two in shock and immediately ran away. "Shit", Jaemin swore and let go of Miga to run after him. He had to make sure he wasn't telling anyone. Renjun noticed that Jaemin was following him and he went into the garden to talk to him. "JAEMIN! FUCK! I knew it was Miga! What did I advise you 2 months ago?" Renjun couldn't believe it. "You don't get it ..." Jaemin tries to explain himself. "What do I not understand, that I caught you making out with Jaehyun's 19 year old daughter? THIS IS CRAZY!!!! What if I hadn't got in the way? What would have happened then?" "Nothing would have happened," Jaemin said, but Renjun shook his head. "Your hands! They were under her dress. Fuck Jaemin! I never thought you were stupid, but that's really stupid!" Renjun was so upset and didn't know what to think. "I can't do anything ... she's just ..." "She is Jaehyun's daughter! AND SHE IS 19!!!!", Renjun interrupted him and Jaemin just stared at him. "Please don't tell Jaehyun," pleaded Jaemin. "Are you going to keep your fingers off of her?" Renjun then asked and Jaemin had to hesitate. "She's grown up, she knows what she's doing," said Jaemin then. "She can't judge. Do I have to tell you everything again? She always looks up to you. She is still a child in this regard." "Miga is more mature than you think." "It doesn't matter because she is Jaehyun's daughter!" Renjun shook his head and saw Miga watching them from the house. "I don't know what to do," Jaemin was really desperate. He was so at odds himself. Renjun saw the despair in his friend and became calmer. "Is it love or lust?", Renjun then asked him and Jaemin looked at him in surprise. "What?" "Are you sure you love her? Or is it just the desire for something forbidden." Renjun crossed his arms and Jaemin couldn't tell. "Find that out, and as long as you think about it I won't say anything to Jaehyun," Renjun said and Jaemin nodded. "Thanks ..." Jaemin said quietly and Renjun just nodded. "Well, let's go in."

Jaemin now sat later far away from Miga. He couldn't look at her because everything was still tightening inside him. He still smelled her scent, still felt her bare skin on his hands. He didn't know how long he could stay here. "Hey Jeno, I have a question." Jeno turned to him and smiled. "Yeah sure." "How can I tell the difference between love and lust?" Jaemin then asked. "Why do you ask that? Is there a girl?" Jeno winked and had to laugh, but Jaemin was nervous. "I've told you about her before." "Ah, the 19 year old?" Jaemin nodded. "Do you think you love her or are you wondering if it wouldn't be exciting to sleep with a 19 year old?" Jeno had to laugh. "Yes. No. I mean ..." Jaemin struggled for words, it was hard to explain it all. "It's okay. When was the last time you had sex?" Jeno asked soberly. "Does mastrubation count too?" "No. I mean with a woman." Jeno looked seriously at his friend and Jaemin thought about it. "Hmm I don't know. Maybe before last spring?" After breaking up with his ex-girlfriend, he wanted nothing to do with women for a while. "Last spring? It's December!" Jeno was shocked and looked at him in surprise. "Okay okay. I see the problem. Maybe you just need to sleep with someone who isn't the mysterious 19 year old girl." "What do you mean by that?" Jaemin asked. "Well, that way you can tell whether it's just lust or love. Maybe you just need real sex again. Fuck, Jaemin, my wife has not been able to sleep with me for two months because she gave birth to us and already going crazy. " Jeno laughed and looks at Jaemin. "So you mean I should go out and sleep with some random woman?" Jaemin wasn't sure. "Yes! Maybe you just have to take a little pressure off. Let off some steam." Jeno grinned and Jaemin nodded. Maybe he was right, maybe other women would distract him from all the thoughts he had about Miga and he clearly had too many of them ...

providentia masterlist

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[yellowocaballero]

Prequel to ‘The Crow’s Funeral’: How Agnes + Gerry met, then proceeded to set Jon on fire.

Exactly what it says on the tin. This exists because I was rereading TCF and went “hey did I ever figure out how Agnes and Gerry met”. I didn’t, so this is it. Rest under the cut. No specific warnings except for the fact that, shockingly enough, Jon had gone through a lot of character development prior to the start of TCF and was actually a complete asshole for a year or two. 

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

For the first time, Gerry reached out to reassure her. But her body heat had abruptly tripled, and Gerry was forced to pull back. In the small, unventilated space, it quickly became overwhelmingly hot.

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid.

Agnes was back. 

Gerry didn’t know how she had found him. His hiding place was pretty well hidden, thank-you-very-much. Adults were always trying to barricade themselves in houses - stupid, when the nightshades could drift through shit - and kids were always trying to hide in closets or attics. But Gerry was the perfect mix of adult and child - or, as they’re known, teenagers - and he had way too much experience stripping houses down for the possessions of the recently deceased. 

So Gerry knew about crawl spaces. Like in the Magician’s Nephew, some older row houses had little secret tunnels between each house. You couldn’t quite get into each house normally, but there were always gaps and weak points and hatches. Even better, at the very top there was a hidden attic where the generator and power box lived. It was small, and there were definitely some gross animal corpses that Gerry could have sworn moved, but it was mostly safe. So much as anything was safe. 

But, somehow, Agnes had found him. Gerry didn’t know what she was doing exploring row houses for fun, but judging from the scent of smoke that’s been in the air lately he didn’t want to know. 

The sharp rapping echoed through the small attic, directly under the hatch with a huge heavy space heater dumped on it. Gerry had other means of entry, and Agnes thought that was the only door. Please! As if Gerry would live somewhere with only one escape exit. That was just asking to get stuck in a nightmare for a month. 

But, then again, maybe Agnes had never had to worry about that. 

“I brought food!” The high, clear voice called out - slightly muffled from the ceiling/floor, but unmistakable. “It’s Twinkies! Come down to eat it!”

“No way!” Gerry called down back. “I bet you put offal in it!”

“What does offal mean!”

“It’s, like, organs! Go away, lady!”

“I told you!” Agnes called back, weirdly delighted. “My name’s Agnes! I’m a Princess!”

“Princess of what, being lame!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you, Princess Agnes!”

“Fuck me yourself!”

Ugh! She was so annoying! This was her fourth fucking time coming by here, and ever since she had realized that he was just a teenage boy she had been leaving food in front of the attic door. It was always weird food, too. Didn’t she know what humans ate?

Stupidly on cue, Gerry’s stomach rumbled. Ugh. 

“Go away,” Gerry called back, eager for her to just leave already so he could eat the shitty food she had undoubtedly left. “I don’t feel like getting turned into a candle today!”

For some reason, she didn’t reply to that. Gerry wondered if she was trying to fool him into thinking she was leaving, but joke’s on her - Gerry could hear footsteps all the way through the house. He waited with bated breath for a minute, two minutes, slowly growing confused why she wasn’t either yelling at him or leaving. 

He’d never tell her, but he kind of enjoyed fighting with her. 

Finally, she called out, with an emotion in her voice that he had never heard from her before, “Is that why you won’t come out? You think I’d turn you into a candle?”

Gerry was flabbergasted. “Yes?” he called back. “You turn everyone into candles.”

“...it’s not just because you don’t like me?”

Aw, man. Gerry abruptly felt a little bad for the flame monster cult leader lady. She couldn’t be any older than him. “You’re really nice,” Gerry called back, feeling like an idiot. “I just didn’t make it this far by not being careful! Thanks for the food, though!”

A longer silence this time. For some reason, Gerry felt a weird kind of anxious. Not the normal level of ‘aaah im gonna get eaten’ anxious. But something different. He couldn’t describe it. 

Finally, Agnes called back, “Do you want me to stop bothering you? I’m sorry if I’ve been harassing you. I’m not good at - at all of this.”

Gerry sat in his own silence, sitting cross-legged in front of the space heater on top of the hatch. His baggy jeans clung to his legs, slightly sweaty and definitely unwashed, and his raggedy thin black jacket was also a little sweaty. His hair was plastered to his head, limp and dirty. Wherever Agnes went, heat followed. 

People who made dumb decisions didn’t live very long. Gerry had lived for quite a while - well, he was fifteen, but he had made it all year without getting eaten, which was really quite impressive. 

And he had made it alone. When he woke up in this green and terrifying world, Mum hadn’t been there. He had looked for her for months. He had almost been ripped to shreds in Pinhole Books. She wasn’t in any of their usual London hideaways, either. Maybe she was outside of London, somewhere far away…

In all of Gerry’s books, he’d pack up his backpack and set out to look for Mum. He wouldn’t stop until he found her. Then he’d find out that she’d been embroiled in some plot to stop all of this, and he’d help her, and she’d hug him…

But it wasn’t a book. No matter how strange this new world was, fiction couldn’t begin to match. And Gerry didn’t really miss his Mum. Not really. He missed the fact that he was alone. He missed the fact that she was powerful and smart and talented, and definitely would have been able to protect the both of them. Gerry had to protect himself now, and he missed that safety more than he ever missed Mum. 

Gerry wondered if Agnes was lonely. How could she, with a whole cult?

It was a stupid decision. But Gerry had always trusted too easy, anyway. 

He stood up and pushed the space heater with a thick, screeching grinding sound that scraped uncomfortably along the wood. With a final heave, he pushed it off the hatch, and reluctantly bent down to lift the hatch and unfold the ladder. 

“If you turn me into a candle I’m giving you an allergy attack,” Gerry called down, and the girl known as Agnes Montague smiled up at him brilliantly. 

***

That wasn’t how Agnes and Gerry started. But it had been, maybe, how they got going. 

Agnes, Gerry found out very quickly, was a hot-tempered girl. Save the jokes. She was always dressed like a sixties hippie, and her long red hair was always somehow glistening and clean. She let Gerry touch it, very carefully, and - yep, even the hair was wax. What a weird person. 

After a bit of frantic introductions and suspicious squinting from both sides, Gerry and Agnes had eventually sat down cross-legged from each other as Gerry stuffed Twinkies in his mouth and she eyed them warily. She had eyed them with a bit of trepidation, but Gerry’s obvious joy at eating them must have made her curious. That was one thing Agnes was: curious. Almost to death. 

“You really live up here? And you’ve never gotten trapped by a nightmare?”

Gerry shrugged uncomfortably, sucking at his fingers. “Yep. I run around town a lot too, cuz I get bored otherwise. It’s easy to evade all of that shit if you know how.”

“Wow.” It was probably her being a fire person or whatever, but Agnes’ eyes seemed to sparkle a little bit. “My cult members barely even let me outside by myself, and I can set shit on fire. You’re really weird for a human.”

Gerry couldn’t help but puff out his chest a little, even if he would have preferred her to use any other word than ‘weird’. “That’s what happens when your Mum trains you since birth to be a demon hunter.” He faltered a little. “I’m not sure if she knew this would happen, but I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“Your mum knew?” Agnes gasped. “I thought nobody knew about the Entities before the apocalypse!”

“Your cult members must have known, right?” Gerry pointed out, and Agnes nodded in concession of the point. “Yeah, there were always a few of us. Not a lot, though. Tight-knit community, everyone knew each other. Hobbyists, you know. It sucked. Most of the people who got involved in the supernatural were jerks.” Actually, now that Gerry thought about it… “That crazy apocalypse prepper Salasea must be coming out like a bandit right now.”

Agnes nodded sagely, as if she knew who Salasea was. Maybe she did? Gerry had always gotten the impression that if all of the demon hunters knew each other, then maybe all of the demons did too. Eventually word about Mum had really started to get around. 

“You’re the first interesting human I’ve met,” Agnes said thoughtfully. “Most of them just - like, scream, you know? Or pretend I’m not there. Like if they don’t acknowledge me then I can’t hurt them. And, like, that’s the way it works for a lot of these things! But I’m a person too, you know?”

“You really aren’t.”

“I have feelings,” Agnes said firmly. “But maybe the reason why you’re still safe isn’t because you’re a super cool human hunter, Gerry.”

“It has to be a part of it,” Gerry said aggressively, eager to assert his masculinity and how cool he was.

“Of course,” Agnes allowed, making Gerry huff. “But I think it’s because you aren’t scared. You were wondering how I found you, right?” Gerry nodded slowly. He had been wondering how Agnes had caught on that he was living here. “It was because I felt a person - I can always feel body heat - but I didn’t taste any fear. I was setting some row houses on fire just to feel something, and you weren’t feeling anything either!” She set her expression firmly, almost bravely. “I think we’re the same.”

“A goth human teenager living in an attic and a flame princess of the fire cult?” Gerry asked skeptically. They couldn’t be less similar. Gerry lived each day in - well, as Agnes pointed out, not fear, but he was constantly just trying to survive. It was all he had ever known, but he knew that others didn’t live like that. He had known when he was a kid - that other kids were normal, were happy - and he knew it now. That a small handful of people in this world were having a blast, and that everyone else suffered. “We’re nothing alike.”

But Agnes faltered, just a bit, and Gerry just a little bit of that loneliness in her expression again. “You’re the only other kid who’s had a conversation with me.” She paused a beat. “Besides, like, Callum, but he’s a baby.”

Maybe, in a schoolyard or a town or a world, Gerry and Agnes weren’t so similar. Maybe they’d have nothing in common. But maybe, in this world that was both so isolated and so unified, they could be a little similar after all. 

“I’ll allow it,” Gerry said graciously. He wanted to shake her hand, but he deeply knew that it was a bad idea. Instead, he broke his Twinkie in half, and held out the other one to her. “Friends?”

Agnes eyed the Twinkie warily. “Do you become friends by asking to be friends with someone?”

“I dunno, I don’t have any friends.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

But she took the Twinkie. It was a start. 

****

Of course, Gerry and Agnes were far more alike than they had first thought. Mostly in the fact that their evil mothers had killed their fathers (which Gerry had the sneaking suspicion wasn’t a universal experience) and that the both of them were actually kind of literally protagonists of a YA book.

Well, Gerry had always been the protagonist of his own life. But he would write a story about Agnes too: about the spoiled princess who rejected her destiny. Who had a really cool previous life where she was all dramatic and sad and stuff, who died tragically only to be reborn as a magical teenage girl. Seriously, it was right out of a Sarah J Maas novel. 

  Maybe they latched onto each other too quickly, but it was the kind of latching on when you made friends with another kid at the orientation to summer camp and then religiously stuck to the kid once the actual camp started until you got another friend. Maybe. Gerry's never been to summer camp, how was he supposed to know. 

But Agnes was sharply quick, surprisingly kind, and fiercely protective. Gerry had never met somebody who cared as much as her. It was really weird. He supposed that people like her, the powerful and destructive, had the privilege to care. 

Agnes snuck over more and more often, and sometimes Gerry went to go visit her. Eventually they started roaming the streets together, loitering in businesses and committing general acts of tomfoolery. Gerry was an old hat at tomfoolery - he had only been vaguely supervised most of his life - but Agnes encroached every second of minor rule breaking with cautious glee. 

Not that there really were rules anymore. Even if you were the kind of juvenile delinquent that got adults yelling at you and caused minor or major property damage, it wasn’t as if the cops were going to come and take you away. Either you got away with it, or you were eaten for a while. This was very natural to Gerry, and after a little bit of convincing it came easily to Agnes too. Maybe they really were well-suited for each other after all. 

If Gerry’s Mum could see him now, she would call him ‘dreadful’ and ‘ill-mannered’ and ‘badly behaved’. But...she wasn’t there, so she could hardly complain. Served her right.

Months - maybe - later, Gerry and Agnes were hanging out in Gerry’s crawlspace again after a long day terrorizing demons and old men alike. They were splitting a blood orange - literally - and letting the sticky juice (juice?) run down their hands, laughing as Agnes imitated the look of shock on the old man’s face. Sitting down on the floor, flavor bursting sweet on his tongue, as Agnes teased him for dropping peels everywhere...Gerry was almost happy. 

Rookie mistake. 

Agnes sensed it first, stiffening slightly as her body pulsed slightly warmer. Gerry scooted a little further away from her carefully as she turned to look at the thin plaster wall, brow furrowing. 

“Is it a nightmare?” Gerry whispered. “Or a person?”

“Neither,” Agnes whispered back. “It’s…”

Then Gerry heard it too: the clack of nails on hardwood, and a sound so terrifying it made his gut tie itself into knots. It was a growl, bestial and wet. Something was snarling outside.

Gerry stopped breathing, sitting absolutely still. The sounds of sniffing and snarling were loud and distinct, and he couldn’t help but stare at the sticky, juicy, smelly orange in his hands. Agnes was also still, far more completely than Gerry ever could be, carefully listening. 

He wanted to whisper to Agnes, make a game plan, but the monster would hear them. Part of Gerry wanted to tremble in fear, but that wasn’t useful. He forced himself to calm down as best as he could while keeping his breaths minimal. Remember Dune. Fear was the mind killer. Fear is the little death. 

But then Agnes smiled at him faintly, making a gentle gesture with her hand. Agnes was a literal fire messiah. She could take almost any monster. Gerry had never seen her afraid of anything, just contemptuous or annoyed. Having her there with him was more reassuring than any book quote, and Gerry exhaled softly as he smiled back at her. Agnes was going to torch that monster, and it would be super cool, and they’d high five, and -

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

For the first time, Gerry reached out to reassure her. But her body heat had abruptly tripled, and Gerry was forced to pull back. In the small, unventilated space, it quickly became overwhelmingly hot. 

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid. 

A faint yipping echoed through the space, almost like a dog. It could never be mistaken for a dog. 

“Well, yes, there’s people everywhere. Other places have more people, even. Why can’t we just go there?” Another bark, a low bass cut. “Oh, if it’s a Hunt, then it’s alright.”

The heat was growing oppressive, and Gerry frantically motioned for Agnes to cut it out. He was withholding his own ragged breathing, and abruptly Gerry felt as if he couldn’t breathe. It was just making him more scared, the sweat trickling down his neck -

There was another yip, so close it might as well be made in his ear. It clearly came from directly in front of him. 

Gerry couldn’t help it - he screamed, overwhelmed with fire and heat and fear and the wolf at their door. 

The wall exploded.

Dust and insulation burst outwards in a fine white cloud, and Gerry and Agnes were abruptly coughing intensely and the wall cracked, folded, and collapsed inwards. Gerry was showered with fragments of wood and plaster, stifling another scream, and screwed his eyes shut against the sudden influx of light. 

He cracked them open as quickly as he could, unwilling to meet whatever was in front of him with his eyes closed. Instantly, overwhelmingly, Gerry was brought face to snout with a giant wolf.

Gerry firmly believed that people weren’t meant to see apex predators up close. Nobody should be able to touch a bear, was Gerry’s opinion. What was an anaconda? Gerry was on the opposite side of the room. He wasn’t afraid, but he hadn’t made it to the ripe old age of fifteen without being highly cautious. 

It wasn’t right, staring this wolf in the face. Every inch of it stood out to him: the slobber, the snarl, the canines almost as long as his hand. It was silvery white, with a thick ruff and coat, and Gerry watched in awe as the wolf snarled and - 

And stopped snarling. It started looking at him curiously instead, bushy tail sweeping gently side to side. 

The immediate problem almost solved, Gerry was able to take in the figure behind the wolf. 

He was a guy. Unfairly tall, Black with curly hair drawn tight into a ponytail. Sharp features, undercut by unnaturally green eyes. He was in a suit that looked like he had put it on three months ago and had never changed. He was...wearing a trenchcoat? He was just a guy!

“A human!” The man - monster? Guy? Nightmare? Avatar? - cried. “Oh, good job, Daisy! You’re a fantastic investigator.” The wolf - Daisy was a stupid name for a wolf - barked lowly. “Yes, it is like an oven in here, isn’t it?”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. He was still cowering on his ass, covered in dust and plaster. This guy was Agnes’ monster? Maybe she had mistaken him for someone else. “Who -”

“He’s even talking!” The man exclaimed, as if he was a dancing monkey. “They never talk to me voluntarily, you know.” Daisy barked again. “I think it’s cute! Kids are so repetitive, but this one smells great. Good job, Daisy.” 

Before Gerry could protest the man stepped forward and looked down at him, and a sick realization trickled through him. 

The man had nothing behind his eyes. Bright green, sick and churning, radioactive and poisonous. His expression was absent and vaguely curious, like a child watching an ant crawl through its anthill. Slowly, intensely, the man’s placid expression broke into a sharp and demented smile. 

It wasn’t the smile of a human staring at a tasty sandwich. It wasn’t even the smile of a monster drawing a human into a nightmare. It was the smile of a child holding the magnifying glass to the ant: triumphant, because now the child got to see what happens when an ant blackened to a crisp. Elated, because they were the child, and not the ant. Victorious, because they could only remember the distinction in the act of causing harm. 

“Statement of -”

“Leave him alone!”

The monster exploded into flames. 

Agnes leapt from her position in the crawlspace, slightly tucked away out of sight, and shoved at the wolf hard. The wolf yowled, her handprints blackening its fur, and it retreated snarling. 

It was not the first time Gerry had seen someone set on fire. It happened a lot, when you hung out with Agnes. But the man burned, in bright and beautiful red-hot flames, crackling and searing the skin and air and sky. His mouth was open in a silent scream. 

Something green shone from within the flames. 

Then the flames were gone. It was as if he had never been set on fire at all. At most he smelled vaguely of burning flesh, and his hair had broken free of its ponytail to settle in fuzzy waves. 

The monster looked mildly peeved. 

Agnes grabbed Gerry, leaving red-hot scorch marks on his hoodie, and yanked him behind her. Gerry was not embarrassed to say that he absolutely hid behind Agnes as she put herself between him and the monster and his wolf. The wolf who was now snarling deeply at them, and the slightly irritated monster who shook ash off his unharmed trench coat. 

“I don’t care if you called dibs on him,” the monster bitched. “You don’t get to stop me in the middle of a - oh, Agnes!” The monster’s expression brightened as he snapped his fingers. “Agnes Montague, right? Your cult introduced me to you at - what was it -”

“Annabelle’s annual party five months ago,” Agnes said flatly. Her wax hair was still burning at the ends, and although Gerry couldn’t see her expression he knew it had to be fierce. “Nice to see you again, Jon. Now stay away from him.” 

“If you called dibs then you shouldn’t have let me try to eat him,” Jon - which was the dumbest name for an evil monster - complained. He smelled his arm, grimacing. “Setting me on fire’s downright rude, Agnes. Didn’t Jude teach you any manners?”

“Go away!” Agnes yelled. Gerry realized quietly that she was still shaking. “He’s not yours! He’s the one thing you aren’t allowed to hurt!”

Jon frowned at her. Gerry could practically see it: Did_not_compute.exe. It simply didn’t make sense: that there was something in the world that he wasn’t allowed to hurt. That there was something in the world that was not his. 

Before Jon could speak again, his wolf barked harshly at him. She kept barking, completely indecipherably, as Jon’s expression screwed up in uncomprehension. “What does it matter if they’re children.” The wolf barked. “I mean, I don’t actually care if we piss off the Desolation or not.” Bark, bark. “Why are you always guilt tripping me!” Bark, bark, bark, bark. Eventually Jon’s expression turned somewhat abashed, and then downright embarrassed. 

“Right, right.” He turned back to Agnes and Gerry, a little sulky. “Sorry for trying to eat your human, Agnes. In my defense, he was quite -” The dog yipped. “ - innocent, and I’m sure he’s very fun. Great. Well, this was a waste of time. Call me if you get tired of him, Agnes.” 

Jon turned to go, and Gerry could not see his back soon enough. The heat had died as Agnes calmed down, her arms crossed over her chest and scowling fiercely. 

“Apologize to him!”

Jon froze, halfway across the room. Gerry quietly wanted to die. 

The monster slowly turned on his heel, looking at Agnes with a faintly flabbergasted expression. “You can’t be serious -” The wolf barked again. Gerry had the impression that the wolf was in charge of him. “Stop ganging up on me -” Bark. “I don’t know how to talk to humans, don’t make me!” A very firm bark. 

“Do it,” Agnes said firmly. “Or I’ll set you on fire again.”

Unbelievably, the monster groaned. He turned to Gerry, fluorescent eye twitching. “Alright, alright! Listen, uh - kiddo? Kiddo. I am very sorry that you tasted - I am very sorry that I tried to scar you for life and consume your trauma. I cannot stress enough how it’s nothing personal. There.” Weirdly enough, he looked a little proud of himself. “Hah. Totally rocked that talking to a human thing.”

“Uh,” Gerry said, too dizzy with the events of the last ten minutes to care very much about what he said, “is the wolf in charge of you?”

Even more unbelievably, the man brightened. “I’m her assistant! Not very many people pick that up. You’re very bright, little human. Do you want to pet her?” Jon glanced at Daisy, who looked unimpressed. Very loudly, he hissed at her, “Do children like petting dogs?”

The wolf, somehow, seemed to inform him that yes, they did. 

They were in too deep now. Gerry walked up and petted the wolf. It was fucking awesome. Agnes groaned and pulled him back again very quickly. She seemed a little jealous. The wolf yipped at her and Agnes reluctantly petted the wolf too. 

Jon clapped his hands. “Well! That was very unpleasant. I won’t ask what you’re doing hiding in a wall, Agnes. As a personal favor to you.”

“Thanks,” Agnes said flatly. 

“Tell Diego and Jude that I’m not doing it. Or eating your human. As a personal favor to you.”

“Definitely will.”

“Fantastic.” Jon’s eyes glinted, in the soft light of Agnes’ flames. “I’m very happy you’ve reincarnated into that fun child’s body, Agnes. Children are so tempestuous and impulsive. I wouldn’t have tolerated an adult setting me on fire. You understand that, don’t you?” 

Agnes nodded, almost shakily.

“You understand that for an adult, that would have had very different consequences.”

Agnes nodded again.

“Fantastic!” Then Jon was beaming again, all carelessness and laziness. “Have fun, you little delinquents. Come on, Daisy. I’m famished.”

He swanned off, wolf following closely on his tail. But the wolf looked back as it crossed the threshold, large yellow eyes piercing in a way that Gerry just couldn’t name, before they both disappeared. As slowly and terrifyingly as they had come.

Ten seconds passed, then fifteen. 

Agnes crumpled to her knees and bent over the floor, shaking, and her hands pressed hot scorch marks into the wood. She was still shuddering, and Gerry bent down next to her. He couldn’t physically comfort her, but he could put his hand close to hers on the wood. As close as possible, yet never touching. 

“We are so lucky to be alive,” Agnes breathed, before abruptly groaning. “I set him on fire! I set The Archivist on fire!”

The title tickled something in Gerry’s brain, bringing up an insane amount of questions, but he brushed them all aside. Gertrude was dead - or at the very least, very far away, where she was no good to him. She had to be, otherwise he would have noticed her cutting a swathe through Britain by now. 

“Who is he?” Gerry asked. He didn’t really want to know, but...well, he was himself. He wanted to know everything. It was kind of his whole thing.

Agnes sat down on her knees, rubbing her forehead, and Gerry cautiously sat down next to her. “He’s the monster who sold the world. The most dangerous man ever made.”

“The most dangerous man in the world gets bossed around by his dog?” Gerry asked, before the words sunk in. “Wait, I thought that was Jonah Magnus!”

“Jonah Magnus doesn’t kill people because they annoy him!” Agnes snapped, before she groaned into her hands again. “And I set him on fire…Diego is going to kill me!”

“For what it’s worth,” Gerry said awkwardly, “I’m glad you set him on fire. He was kind of a dick.” He paused again, uncertain of how to say it. “And...thanks for caring, I guess. You really don’t have to.” He shrugged, unwilling to state what had always been unsaid between them. “I’m a human. These things happen to us. You just have to deal with it.”

That was the way of the world. It had always been that way, even before the apocalypse. The strong and powerful and important like Jon kicked around smaller people, and the smaller people just hoped they survived it. 

Gerry was a survivor. Nobody had ever saved him before. Maybe because nobody had ever saved him before. 

Agnes tackled Gerry in a tight, pressing hug. She wasn’t hot at all, just mildly warm - an incredible act of effort and concentration on her part. Her arms were solid and unyielding, never mistaken for flesh, but she clutched at him with a unique desperation. Gerry cautiously hugged her back, letting her bury her head into his shoulder. 

“Not to you,” Agnes whispered. “Nothing bad’s going to happen to you. Not even The Archivist.”

“You can’t promise that,” Gerry whispered. 

“We’re family.” Agnes separated from him, stubbornly fighting boiling tears. “And I’m sick of just dealing with it.”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. “Family?” He said weakly.

Agnes blushed hotly. “If you want!” She tightened her fists on her skirt, winding the fabric between her fingers anxiously. “It’s just that - I know you don’t have anyone...and I have my cultists, but they don’t really care about me, not like you do...and I know it used to be different, that family used to mean something different, but I don’t care about what old people thought family meant. I care about you, and we’re sticking together, so that’s what we are.” She faltered a little. “If you want.”

“Siblings, then,” Gerry said faintly. “If you want.”

And he did want it. More than anything, Gerry wanted this. 

When Agnes smiled at him, and she hugged him tightly again, Gerry was halfway certain that yet another disaster was about to befall them. He knew that meteors were going to strike, that the ground was going to open up and engulf them, that the world would end in fire and ice, because Gerry was so happy it clenched his heart. He was so happy he couldn’t breathe. 

“It’ll be okay,” Agnes said into his shoulder, “we’ll never have to deal with Jonathan Sims again. I promise.”

****

It was not a promise Agnes kept. 

They ran into him again. And again. And again. Eventually, after meeting a monstrous golem of fear and suffering that induced paralyzing fear so frequently, said simulacrum of human experience became slightly tiresome. And you realized that he was, actually, really not that bright. Or at the very least not very mature. And that his wolf sister kind of wore the pants in that relationship. That he and his wolf sister were like Agnes and Gerry, in every possible way. And that he was, weirdly, deeply kind. And that he loved, so bright and pure and fearsome that it had brought down the world. That he was capable of loving Gerry. Maybe even, given enough time, anyone. 

Many months later, as Gerry, Agnes, Jon, and Daisy sat in an ice cream shop splitting blood orange ice cream (with real blood!) and bickering endlessly about if Friends was the Flesh or the Stranger, that Gerry thought he might feel something familiar in his chest. 

Something that clenched his heart, something that made him so happy he couldn’t breathe. Something that felt like fire and ice and meteors and disaster.

Jon must have felt it. He looked at Gerry, surprised, with ice cream slowly dripping from his spoon and congealing on the table. “What’s wrong with you? Are you ill? Agnes, is he ill?”

“No,” Gerry said, wiping at his eyes. “I guess I’m happy again.”

Everybody stared at him, slightly dumbfounded. 

Daisy barked. 

“You’re quite right, Daisy,” Jon said. 

He didn’t tell them what she was right about, and Gerry never asked. He already knew. 

[honeyandhondewberries]

Fake dating au w Leon plsss

alrighty confession time even though i write fanfics almost for a living now i’ve never actually read a fake dating au hurk so hopefully this fits the bill of what you want?? mayhaps a fresh set of eyes into the dating au world will be refreshing to you, dear anon. OR maybe it’s just like all the rest?? you decide 😎

~~

Should We Kiss? (LeonxReader)

“Should we hold hands?” you whisper to Leon. 

He nods quickly, brushes his fingers against yours, between yours, hesitates for a second, then laces them together. Your fingers are barely hooked together, loose enough so your palms bump as you walk. You try to discreetly clear your throat, as if to expel these strange feelings inside you, as you walk hand-in-hand with your best mate through downtown Wyndon.

This isn’t a normal occurance for you, not in the slightest, you holding hands with Leon. You had never in your life thought about it until he came to you a few days ago with the strangest request. He had barged into your apartment as he usually does (despite your insistence that he knocks like a normal person), but his frazzled expression left no room for scolding.

“I need your help,” Leon had spluttered as he raced to you on your couch. He didn’t even close the door, but he was talking too quickly for you to even get a word in about it. “You know that magazine in Sinnoh, the one that’s raunchy but is super popular with that editor in chief who’s also that photographer and also that column writer and also that designer?”

“Uh,” you had grunted. “Maybe?”

“You know the one who does all of those risque photoshoots with Pokemon and gym leaders in Sinnoh but recently they’ve been expanding to other regions to try and get suggestive photos of all the leaders and people in the league and stuff?”

“I… I guess?”

“Well she keeps contacting my agent and won’t take no for an answer but I don’t want to do any suggestive photos for her rubbish magazine because I’ve got a good reputation of being family friendly and I don’t want Hop or my mum to see me in pictures like that but she somehow got my number and keeps calling and leaving weird voicemails and I think she actually wants me beyond like just for photoshoots and stuff but I don’t want to talk to her and I don’t know how to get her to stop.”

You blinked a few times. You opened your mouth, closed it, opened it again, and when it seemed Leon had finished his explanation, you motioned for him to sit on the couch. He sat beside you, but his wide eyes were still searching yours, as if by staring hard enough, the strange and uncomfortable Sinnoh editor-in-chief designer lady would stop propositioning him.

“What can I do?” you asked, since that’s all you could think of to ask at the time.

And that is what led you to where you are now: holding hands with Leon in downtown Wyndon. You’re not sure why something is pulling in your stomach as he bumps shoulders with you - you’ve bumped shoulders before. You’ve walked closely before. You’ve never held hands before, though, and it seems your body doesn’t know how to respond.

He had mentioned that Sinnoh designer would leave him alone if he were dating someone, you asked who he’d even want to date, he said he didn’t know, so you, being the good friend you are, had offered your services. Leon had perked right back up - no one would suspect a thing! You’re together all the time anyway, and if Leon were romantically involved with someone, perhaps that lady would back off.

It was working, so far, and it only took one post on his social media with him kissing your cheek for her risque voicemails to stop.

It also meant, however, that a blast of texts, calls, and comments from his family, friends, and Rose himself started pouring in.

You and Leon had explained yourselves well enough to everyone, and it mostly took a few sentences of clarification. It seemed everyone was already aware of the Sinnoh designer, and after getting your insurance that it was all just pretend and you’d ‘break up’ soon anyway, everyone went happily on their way. There were a few bumps in the road (particularly when you both told Sonia and Raihan), since they both glanced at each other, raised an eyebrow, then for some reason Leon couldn’t stop stuttering. 

“Maybe we could get lunch,” Leon offers, and you nod vigorously. “At a public place, so everyone sees.”

“Good idea,” you say, and you begin scanning the shopfronts. Leon is already pulling you along somewhere, and before you know it, you’re stepping into your favorite restaurant. How did he know that? Perhaps just because you’re best mates.

You pick a booth that’s public enough, yet private enough, and Leon doesn’t bother looking at the menu. He mentions you should share your meal since that’s a thing that couples do, and you agree. He mentions he should feed you a bite, and after a bit of blushing on your end, you let him. It makes you squirm, how he stares into your eyes, how he rests his cheek on his fist when he holds the fork out to you. He’s definitely a good actor - anyone passing by would probably say he’s even in love with you.

That’d be silly though, since this is all just a favor, just pretend.

He tries to pay, you insist you pay, and you bicker while the waitress awkwardly waits for you both to decide. Leon insists that since it was his idea for a date, he gets to pay. You pout for a moment and let him, just like a partner would. While he chats with the waitress, you wonder why your heart flutters at the word ‘date,’ and why you can’t get that image of Leon’s eyes out of your brain.

After being out in public enough, you and Leon head back to your apartment. He’s holding your hand again, though instead of loosely tangled fingers, your hand is secure in his, and he even rubs his thumb over yours.

You wonder why you like that motion so much.

When you make it to your apartment you flop onto your couch. Leon is chatting with you again, just as you normally would as friends since you’re not in public, but you can’t get an itch out of your mind. If that designer comes back, she might want more ‘proof’... You bite your lip anxiously.

“What’s up?” Leon asks. Why are you now so much more aware of the color of his eyes? “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you mutter. “It’s… it’s nothing, it’s stupid.”

“C’mon,” he teases. “We’re dating now, you can tell your boyfriend anything. Well, I mean you could tell me anything before too, but even more so now.”

You wring your hands together. It’s a stupid request, much too embarrassing, too. Leon pokes and he prods, until you swat his hand away.

“Okay,” you huff. “I was just…. Thinking…. We should practice… you know…”

Leon raises an eyebrow.

“...kissing.”

Leon raises both eyebrows.

“J-just so it looks natural if we have to in public!” you splutter. “I don’t think people would buy it if you were the type of guy to only kiss in private, s-so I was just… thinking…”

Leon is still staring.

“We don’t have to!” you blurt again. His silent shock is making your heart thump - augh, you knew you shouldn’t have said anything. Nonetheless, you try to save yourself from the hole you’re digging. “I just thought if that designer lady comes back she wouldn’t believe we were dating until we kissed in public at some point! But we can’t make it look like an awkward first kiss!”

Leon is frozen in place, staring at you, and you bite your lip when he finally breathes a response.

“Yeah,” he whispers. He seems a little dazed, for some reason. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

“Okay,” you say. “Okay, yeah… so… um.”

“Right, right,” Leon says as he shakes his head into focus. He adjusts how he’s sitting on the couch, you stand, then straddle his hips. You settle yourself into his lap, and Leon’s eyebrows raise again. You quickly jerk back.

“I-I, sorry!” you stutter. “You just, you moved so I… I um…”

“No, no this is fine!” Leon blurts in return. When you motion to slide off his lap he quickly grabs your hips to pull you back. “This is fine, it’s more realistic.”

“Yeah,” you say. His hands are resting on your hips, though it seems he’s not sure where to put them. He trails to your thighs, just for his fingers to twitch, and he curves around your hips again. “Yeah that’s true.”

“So, um,” Leon whispers. His brow is furrowed as he scans your face, and he’s still trying to figure out where to put his hands.

“Right,” you say. “Let’s… yeah, okay.”

Your conversation isn’t much of a conversation anymore, but rather awkward and embarrassed half-statements as you both adjust to you being on his lap. He’s finally settled his hands, and you lean in and inch. He leans in an inch, you lean in an inch, until you’re both a nose bump away. The tension in the air forces an awkward smile out of you, and the sight of your smile draws out a breathy laugh from Leon too.

“Okay,” you whisper. “So…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Leon breathes. “I’ll just…”

“Right,” you whisper, again unimpressed by this lack-of-conversation.

Leon’s eyes flick to yours, then down to your lips, and he leans in another inch. He gently presses his lips against yours, soft and sweet, and pulls back. It was a simple kiss, something small, closed-mouth and devoid of any heat, and yet it makes you giggle again. You can’t hide your awkward laugh, so you thunk your head onto Leon’s shoulder.

“What?” Leon asks, but now he’s laughing too because of how you can’t hide your embarrassment. “Was it bad?”

“No!” you say into his shirt. “It was weird! Kissing you is weird!”

“Weird how?” Leon retorts. “I’m a good kisser!”

“I don’t know,” you laugh again, and your groan is muffled by his shirt. “It was just weird.”

“Do you not want to practice again then?”

“Well no,” you mumble. “We still should because I can’t giggle like mad if we have to kiss in public.”

“Get it together,” Leon says, though his laugh is rumbling through you. He pulls your head off his shoulder and squishes your cheeks. “We can do this.”

“Yemphswecan,” you say with a serious nod, and Leon snorts. He pushes you off his lap and you slump to the couch like you were a bundle of laundry, and Leon crawls over to you. He’s laughing just as much as you are, and now his hair is draping over you as he threatens to squish your cheeks again. “Okay okay, I’m done, come kiss me.”

You’re not sure why your request shifts something in the air, but Leon’s giddy grin shifts into something softer, thoughtful almost, but definitely still bashful. Your eyes zigzag over his face, at how the corners of his mouth twitch, as if he’s still deciding on what this position means to him. 

He cups your face this time, leans in again, and still pauses. There’s less giggling, none at all, actually, as your eyes stay trained on his lips.

You’re not sure why he so gently brushes his thumb over your cheek, or why it blooms something deep in your stomach.

He kisses you again, a little longer this time, enough for you both to figure out how to move your lips in tandem. Soft sounds waft when he kisses you again, then again after that, as he adjusts himself on top of you. He’s pressing his chest against yours, and his weight is strangely soothing, though you can’t focus on it much when Leon opens his mouth just a sliver, just enough of an invitation for you to do the same.

Your single, chaste, closed-mouth kiss is shifting, growing longer and warmer as each second passes. Leon is curling closer, shifting his other hand to your waist, curving it under your back. You adjust slowly, arch your back to give his hand room between you and the couch cushion beneath you, and Leon almost melts against you. 

You’re not sure how long you’ve been practicing, but it’s gotten to the point where it’s hard to breathe. Leon is strangely in-sync with you, and you break off at the same time.

“A little longer?” he breathes, and you nod.

His next kiss is harder, tinged with heat, and you try to match it. His tongue slides across your bottom lip, and a squeak of shock slips out of your throat. Your cheeks are heating up, as is the rest of your body, when Leon starts kissing you harder, faster, and a little more desperately. You practice and you practice and you practice, long enough to where you’re both breathing hard, long enough to know exactly how to kiss Leon in a way that makes a moan slip.

He moves to your cheek, to your jaw, to your throat, kissing and sucking in a way that makes your heart pound. It isn’t until you let out a sigh, furrow your brow, and whisper his name, that he pauses.

“Leon,” you breathe.

He freezes, and after a second, he lifts his head to meet your gaze. His cheeks are flushed, his pupils dilated, then his expression melts into something bashful. He quickly crawls off of you and you both sit up, trying to discreetly catch your breath, but neither of you do a good job of hiding how dazed you are.

“Sorry,” Leon says as he breathes out a laugh. “I… uh… might’ve gotten carried away there at the end.”

“Yeah, yeah that’s okay. But did we… did we just…” you whisper. “...snog?”

“I think so,” Leon replies.

“We probably could again,” you whisper. “Just to be sure we’re good at it.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Leon whispers in return. “Just in case that Sinnoh lady gets suspicious.”

“Definitely.”

The Sinnoh designer never called back, but you and Leon figured you could ‘pretend’ date just a bit longer, just in case. You pretended to kiss each other in public, and you definitely pretended to kiss each other in private. You picked a few different spots to practice - your couch, his couch, on the floor, on your kitchen table, in his bed - you both certainly got much better at it, too. No one would ever suspect a thing.

[jamilelucato]

Only Us [G.W.]

Pairing: George Weasley x Diggory!reader

Summary: Based on the song Only Us from the musical Dear Evan Hansen; George and y/N have suffered great losses that only united them even more.

Musical Hogwarts || Hogwarts Masterlist

If I Could Tell Her (Series)

A/N: This ends a journey! Thank you everyone! See you for the next song!

*gif not mine

Words: 2.100+

Tag List: @enjoying-fantasyland21​​ @stuckindilemma​​ @boredoffmebox​

It took a while and a couple of awkward dinners, but you and George were finally close again.

Whenever you got free time at work, you’d Apparate at the Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, and you’d hang out with George and Ron.

When you got home too tired to cook, you’d pop in the Burrow — George wasn’t up to go back to the flat yet — and Molly would happily put an extra plate for you.

Molly Weasley never told you, but she loved having you around. She noticed the effect you had on George — he was now in a mood way better than he had been since the loss of his twin.

Tonight, Harry Potter had invited the Weasleys to feast with him in his newly bought house. You could tell he only wanted to take Ginny, but Mrs Weasley would never allow that, so the whole family had to be invited. Surprisingly, that meant you too now.

“George, have you memorized the address?” Molly asked while helping Mr Weasley with his suit.

“Of course, mum, I know where Godric’s Hollow is,” George replied in a mocking tone. Every wizard knew the village.

“Well, then you should go and get y/N,” Molly choose to ignore her son’s tone. She knew he was too old for her to reprehend. “I’ll take the rest of the kids.”

“We’re not kids anymore!” shouted an angry Ginny and Ron from upstairs, making George roll his eyes. They weren’t kids, but they sure sounded like it.

George got up and took a last look at himself. He wasn’t taking extra care because of Harry — that was Ginny, and weirdly enough, Molly — but because of y/N.  

You were best friends for the first time, and he felt good being by your side — it felt right. It was odd that Fred couldn’t be there to see it.

“Y/N?” George knocked at the Diggory’s house door.

Gladly, who opened was you and not your parents. George then remembered they were travelling and not home.

“Ready to go?” he asked you.

“Just need to get my shoes!” you warned, leaving the door open for him to walk in.

He always felt uncomfortable at the Diggoorys house — yes, it was a better house than his, but it gave weird vibes. It didn’t seem like y/N’s house, only her parents’. And maybe Cedric’s. It was too yellow.

You walked downstairs, with the shoes on.

You looked beautiful — with a short pastel green dress, with a round skirt. Your hair was tied up in a high ponytail. George couldn’t help but smile; he wanted you.

“Ready now,” you informed and George got up from the couch.

“Then, let’s go,” he offered you his arm which you took. “I know the address.”

You had never been to Godric’s Hollow, and you know questioned why. It looked morbid, although it seemed to be changing — the new houses were more bright, bringing light to the place. Harry’s house was one of the prettiest.

As soon as you and George arrived, Mr and Mrs Weasley appeared out of thin air too, with Ron and Ginny behind.

It was Molly who knocked on the door.

“Come on in, come on in!” Harry smiled at his guests, opening the front door. “Fleur and Bill are already here,” he added.

A line formed to get in — Ron, you and George, followed by Mr and Mrs Weasley. Ginny was the last one because she wanted to kiss her boyfriend without you all seeing it.

You headed to say hi to Bill and Fleur — you didn’t know them that well, but you were at their wedding, so it wasn’t awkward.

Molly seemed sad because Charlie and Percy wouldn’t be able to come, but Harry assured it was no problem.

Inside, the house was prettier than from outside. It looked too white though, probably because it was recently bought and Harry hadn’t had the time to decorate with his personal touch.

Hermione was the last one to arrive, but she rushed to Ron’s side like she had been there the whole night.

Everybody was happy, and the food was delicious — it was only when your plate was empty that you noticed that was your first celebration since the end of the war.

George seemed to be thinking the same because, all of a sudden, you two were the only sad, sentimental faces on the table. You didn’t want to be a bother, so you excused yourself, saying you wanted to walk around Godric’s Hollow — it was, after all, your first time there.

Ginny suggest to escort you, but George interrupted, saying he could do it. Even though you wanted to be alone, you didn’t complain — George would forever be welcomed near you.

One step outside and you squeezed yourself in your coat, hoping it was enough. It seemed this year’s Winter was going to be super cold.

George walked around you in silence.

“Harry’s parents died here, didn’t they?” you asked.

“Yep,” Goerge sighed. “How did you—?”

“The way he talks about this place. It is how I talk about Hogwarts,” you shrugged, keeping your arms crossed.

“It’s how I talk about Hogwarts too,” George said, making you stop walking and look at him.

Although dark, you could see his eyes with no problem. You uncrossed your arms and hugged George, stretching on tiptoe, practically putting all your weight on the boy. It took him a minute to hug you back, such had been his surprise.

For a minute, you two just stood there, holding each other as if your lives depended on it. At least, the cold wasn’t bothering you anymore.

George was loving that moment. Unbelievably, you and he had never hugged before, and now he didn’t want to let go of you. He seized the moment, trying to save in his memory how nice your body felt like close to his; how sweet was your smell; how comfortable was your embrace.

He didn’t know, however, that you were doing the same.

“George?” you whispered, in his ear —the only one left — while laying your head on his shoulder. “Why did we never tried?”

George froze. “What?” he managed to say.

You stepped back, leaving his embrace. Both didn’t like it, but you knew it had to be done. You two needed to talk about the elephant in the room.

“Why did we never...” you looked for the right word “date?”

“Oh...” George waited for that moment for so long, he was scared his answer would ruin it. “I guess we were never this close before.”

“Yes, but wasn’t I nice?— I mean, you know me since forever; we’re neighbours,” you pointed out.

“Of course you were — you are — nice! You’re perfect, but look at me,” George answered, his tone a little louder. “I was always this odd dude in the shadow of great brothers, and, now, I’m just this broken man...”

His voice died out.

“Georgie! You’re not broken!” you shouted, stretching your arms towards him. “If you are, then so am I!”

George turned away, he couldn’t face it. How could you possibly want him? There was nothing there to want.

“I don’t need you to sell me on reasons to want you,” you sighed, reaching for his shoulder with your left hand.  “I don’t need you to search for the proof that I should.”

He still avoided looking back at you.

“You don’t have to convince me,” you continued, lowering your voice to a calmer tone. “You don’t have to be scared you’re not enough ‘cause what we’ve got going is good.”

You dropped your hand at your side, giving up calling on him. You took a few steps towards Harry’s house, but you knew you shouldn’t walk away yet. You wanted George, more than anything.

If he didn’t want you, that was fine. But you knew that if you left now, you would lose him forever, even as a friend.

“I don’t need more reminders of all that’s been broken,” you said, turning back at his direction. “I don’t need you to fix what I’d rather forget.”

He finally turned to face you. He had a sad look in his eyes as if he was concerned about you. You didn’t care; you didn’t need pity.

“Clear the slate and start over; try to quiet the noises in your head,” you continued. “We can’t compete with all that.”

George took a step towards you, but you avoided his eyes.

“So what if it’s us? What if it’s us and only us?” you proposed when he reached you. He raised his brows, amazed with your words. “And what came before won’t count anymore or matter; can we try that?”

You didn’t like it when George was quiet. It made you feel like he was thinking of a way to say no.

“What if it’s you, and what if it’s me? And what if that’s all that we need it to be,” you suggested, tiptoeing so you could finally stare him in the eye. “And the rest of the world falls away? What do you say?”

For Merlin, George, just say something!

It was like he was thinking the same, or as if he heard your thoughts.

“I never thought there’d be someone like you who would want me,” he started, overthinking it so he wouldn’t stutter. “So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go, but if you really see me; if you like me for me and nothing else... Well, that’s all that I’ve wanted for longer than you could possibly know.”

You didn’t know if George could tell you were smiling over the tears that fell from your eyes. You couldn’t believe he wanted you too — you couldn’t believe he had been wanting you for a long time now.

“So it can be us and only us,” George kept going, “and what came before won’t count anymore or matter. We can try that.”

“It’s not so impossible,” you widened your smile, but tears were still there.

“Nobody else but the two of us here,” George suggested, reaching for both of your hands and holding it in his.

“‘Cause you’re saying it’s possible,” you squeezed your eyes. “We can just watch the whole world disappear.”

“‘Til you’re the only one I still know how to see, ” he smiled too. “It’s just you and me.”

“We can try that, you and me. That’s all that we need it to be,” you pressed George’s hands, unable to keep your happiness to yourself.

However, his hands were no longer in yours — they reached for your face, bringing you closer. He kissed you, at first just a soft touch of lips, but then it became a whole sensation, something you had never felt before.

Back at Hogwarts, the Weasley twins had quite a reputation, but you never imagined that George could be so good at this. The cold of Godric’s Hollow now felt like just a summer breeze, such was the warmth that George made you feel from inside out.

His tongue danced with yours, not as a battle for dominance, but as a stroke of relief. His touch took over your entire body, and your hands were also lost in George’s extent.

You could have stayed there forever, but your consciousness reminded you that you were a guest at Potter’s.

“We need, huh,” it was hard to speak when George tried to kiss you, “to get back inside.”

“Yes, I think that’d be reasonable,” although his words agreed with you, his lips didn’t leave yours.

“George, we have all the time in the world,” you said, finally pulling away.

“I hope you’re right, y/N.”

He smiled at you, and you couldn’t help but smile back. He held your hand until you two were almost opening Harry’s door.

You looked down at the hands. “Do you wanna tell them?”

“I have a good guess they know,” George smirked. You pretended to be angry but ended up giggling.

“Though it was only us,” you replied.

He squeezed your hand.

“It has been that for a while now,” he pointed out.

You thought about it for a second, but he was right. You were all the time with the Weasleys, and even though they were kind, it was only with George that you had long conversations and joked around. It was at George’s job that you spend your free time.

It had been you and George for a while now, and his family knew it before you.

You smiled, giving in, and opened the door. It was a happy night at Godric’s Hollow. The village no longer looked morbid for you.

[fatbottombucky]

A Past Life Pt.2 *Geralt of Rivia x Reader*

Summary: could you write a female reader x Geralt who has PTSD due to past abuse and he accidentally triggers a flashback. It’s okay if you feel uncomfortable writing this, thank you for your time

Characters: Geralt & Jaskier

Pairings: Geralt x [F]Reader

Warnings: [PG-13] Mentions of mental and physical abuse. Mentions of rape and people turning the other cheek. Geralt helps Reader gain her confidence back and it’s super fluffy. 

Word Count: 3385 - yeah, I went... just... yeah.

Note: Part two. In this part Reader, along with Jaskier and Geralt, travels back to her village. Along the way, Reader tells Geralt of her past life, it doesn’t get graphic or anything but sensitive topics are talked about. I’m not going to do a 3rd part, this has sort of inspired an actual series called ‘Journey To The Past’ that I’m currently writing. So, unfortunately, this is the last instalment. 

Part One Here

}}}}}}}This is still being edited, I just wanted to post it because you’ve all waited long enough lmao {{{{{

The journey to Woesong Bridge was a long one, the one you didn’t think you’d ever make again. When you left, in the dead of night, you had sworn to yourself to never return there. It was a vile village, full of people worthy of forgetting. 

It hadn’t always been bad, in fact, you’d grown up believing that you wouldn’t leave. That you’d spend your days there like your own mother has done. The world was cruel and vast, easy to get lost and much easier to get killed. You felt safe and comforted in your village, till it became worse than any story a traveller told you about the world. 

“What’re you going to do once we arrive?” Jaskier asked suddenly, you glanced up and looked at him through the fire that Geralt had lit. “When we arrive at your village, what are you going to do?”

“Honestly,” you begin with a sigh, “I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just know that I need to go back. I suppose see my family, I’m sure they’ve been worried sick about me.” 

Jaskier nodded, sensing your discomfort and quickly changed subjects. It wasn’t long before he was passed out on the forest floor, snoring heavily with his face pressed into the roll-up, hand wrapped around his lute in a tight hug. 

You watched as the flames crackled, warming your entire body. The orange flames mesmerised you, allowing you to drift but never going too far. Maybe travelling home is a bad idea, what are you going to do once you’re back? What will you do if you see him again? 

The crunching of footsteps momentarily alert you, glancing behind you see Geralt making his way back towards where you’re camping for the night; he’s back from doing a quick scan for any monsters or wolves roaming the area. He doesn’t even glance at you as he pets Roach, pulling off his swords and settling them beside his roll-up. 

You slowly look away from Geralt, only to watch him again. You heard stories of Witchers as a child, your mother had actually met one a few years before you were even born. Apparently, they couldn’t feel emotions, it made them more receptive to their abilities and lifestyle. You briefly wondered if that was true. If it was, you envied Geralt to an extent, but living a life of nothingness?

“I can hear you thinking,” Geralt’s deep baritone voice snapped you back to reality, he’s sitting now and only a few inches away. 

He doesn’t say anything else, only cocks an eyebrow before looking at Jaskier- who is still deeply asleep. He’s so close that you can smell the dirt and woodsy smell of him, you can see the flames flicker in his amber eyes. 

“I don’t get how he can sleep so easily out here,” you look around the forest and squint through the brush, “for a bard he sure has no fear.” 

Geralt hums in agreement. He pulls out some dried fruit from a pouch, slowly chewing on the rubbery fruits. You debated on telling him what you were thinking, would he take offence? You didn’t want to upset him, all things considered, he is helping you out. 

“When I was a child, my mum would tell me stories of Witchers,” you watched Geralt for a reaction, he only grunted, “she met one before I was born. A contract that my grandpa had put out and it got to this Witcher, he helped him with the monster problem, I guess.” That had caught Geralt’s attention, you smiled a little, “she was only ten, at the time. The Witcher stayed in our Inn, free of charge,” you chuckled lightly and Geralt raised an eyebrow, “I quote; ‘The reason why they’re so intimidating is because they have to be scary, to folks and monsters alike. But give em’ some ale and home-cooked food and they’re like any man’.” 

Geralt’s lips twitched at that, he nodded once in agreement. If anything your mother said was true, it was that. Geralt may be broody and cold, but give him some warm food and he becomes a little less grumpy around the edges. 

“My dad says they don’t have emotions,” Geralt didn’t look at you, but you could sense the eye roll, “but my ma’? She didn’t think it was true. Apparently The Witcher she met, completely different from the tales she was told. He was kind and only took half the coin, times were tough and he could see that.” 

“Sounds like a rare sort of Witcher,” you look and see the twitch of his lips, you roll your eyes at him but chuckle, “What are you getting at?”

You exhale and look back at the fire, “I have often thought about if you have emotions along this journey.” You can sense Geralt looking at you, a small hum escaping him, “and if you don’t, that’s fine. But you’ve shown more compassion to me than any of them ever did, shown more kindness than I have ever experienced,” you look at him with a furrowed brow, “that’s crazy, isn’t it? To have received more kindness from a Witcher than my own husband?” 

It’s silent between you both. You watching the fire crackle and him watching you briefly, it’s a comfortable silence and it doesn’t have to be filled. You wondered briefly what Geralt was thinking about if maybe you had shared too much with him. 

You had made the mistake of oversharing with him a few times along the road home. For some reason, you found it easy to talk to Geralt, perhaps it was because he is a good listener. Maybe it’s because you think he doesn’t actually listen, that’s why you can say anything because he hasn’t actually heard a thing and only pretended to be interested. 

“How did you meet him?” A simple question. 

“Small village, few people pass through and even fewer ever leave. There are few suitors to pick amongst and most are…” you trail off with a grimace and Geralt lets out an exhale through his nostrils, amused by your distaste towards the men in your village, “then one day a noble man’s son arrived. He was charming and handsome, well, I thought he was because all I had ever known was the men in my village. I’d say differently now. He stayed at the Inn, telling us how he brought some land and would be living there, I suppose we got along and he liked me.” 

You fell silent and hugged your knees to your chest. You turned your head, watching Geralt as he slowly chewed on the dried fruit, opting to remain silent as you thought of your next words. 

“I did what was necessary for my family,” you muttered quietly and Geralt stopped, looking at you, “I married him, not because he was kind and noble, but because my dad with his charmed words said it benefited us. I could’ve done worse, some Princess’ marry older men, me? A common girl married a young, charming nobleman. I was lucky, he told me, ‘it’s not like you’ll get asked by anyone else’.” The spiteful chuckle escaped you, “At first he was kind, loving even. I thought maybe despite everything, not actually loving him and wanting more from life, I could settle if it meant my family was better off. I was wrong. He’d drink with his friends and become a totally different person, ya’know?” Geralt frowned and nodded once, “I let that slide, drink can make people do stuff they regret… and forget. But then that anger, that hatred it followed him to the morn’ and it never went away.” 

You looked back to the fire, lifting a shoulder to shrug as if that’s all. 

“Night after night I endured it all. Let him climb on top of me, do what he wanted and prayed it was over quickly,” you couldn’t look at Geralt, the feeling of shame and guilt rising up within you, “but… then he came home with his friends and well- you can imagine the rest. I tried going home but my family, they’d given my room up for extra pay. My ma’ looked so happy, too. Couldn’t ruin it.” 

Geralt tilted his head, “you endured all that pain because it kept them happy?” He seemed confused as to why you’d allow that for yourself, “because you didn’t realise that you deserved so much more than all of that.” 

He answered himself, but the answer threw you off. You looked at him with raised eyebrows, he only shrugged and grunted, as if that was all he needed to say. Geralt is always so blase that it leaves you speechless; grumpy one moment and sincere the next. 

“Also because no one seemed to care, Geralt, no one cared about me enough to help me. I was stuck and alone,” you looked back at him and his amber eyes met your own, “I’d walk my village streets with bruises and scars, no one said a thing and instead turned the other cheek. Plus who could ever love this,” you gestured to yourself, “I was used up, he made it clear that no man would want me now? All these scars are ugly and women are meant to be fragile, dainty and not know of real pain other than childbirth.” 

Geralt looked at his hands for a moment, he offers some dried fruit to you, which you gladly accept. “Hm,” it was deep and thoughtful. “I’ve plenty of women who have stories littered across their bodies,” he eyes you for a moment before looking ahead into the fire, “how did you end up leaving?” 

“I was done looking for love where it didn’t exist,” you shrugged softly, “one night I got up, threw on some clothes and took all the coin we had in the house and left. I travelled to Velen, Midcopse to be exact. I got work and then brought myself a sword,” you smiled slightly, “I don’t know why something about protecting people and fighting just seemed right. Sorry, I don’t know why I just spilled my entire life story to you just now,” you laughed awkwardly. 

He shook his head, “No,” a simple smile almost graced his features, “it’s fine. Admittedly it just makes me want to show your abusive husband what pain is.”

“Witchers don’t get involved,” you reminded him. 

“How can I sit by knowing there’s a monster in White Orchard?” 

~~

“Y/N?” A voice called with a gasp, “Is that really you?” 

The women practically ran at you, throwing her arms around your neck in a tight hug. You almost stumbled backwards from the force, managing to regain balance and wrap your arms around her waist. It took a moment to realise this was your mother; she’d aged so much in the two years you’ve been gone.

“One day you were here,” she pulled away and looked at you, really looked at you, “and the next Cedri is telling us you had up’d and vanished, wherever did you go?” 

It was then her eyes drifted to behind you. Jaskier waved enthusiastically from beside Geralt, who looked grumpy as ever. In fact, he hadn’t said a word since you came into view of your village, his eyes turned cold at any man he laid eyes upon and his jaw twitched. 

“Is that…” she trailed off and you nodded once, “your father will not like this, not one bit, Y/N.” 

She took your hand and dragged you towards the Inn, your friends in tow. Whisperings and mutterings of onlookers, all shocked and baffled to see you, alive and certainly well. You wondered if any rumours were spread that maybe Cidri had killed you, that he had locked you away from the world. 

“She’s back!” Your mother yelled into the Inn, catching the attention of every patreon inside, including your father, “I told you she’d return.” 

He grunted, a sour face, “Two years,” is all he says to your mother, “it took two years for her to have the decency to tell us she’s alive and fine.” 

You glance at Jaskier, who is staring oddly at your father- probably wondering why this man isn’t excited to see you. Looking back at your father he huffed, watching as your mother left the Inn to grab what she had dropped when hugging you. 

“You leave in the middle of the night, no note or anythin’ to tell your family where you was going,” he spoke gruffly but quietly in the packed Inn, “only to arrive with two men, one being a Witcher. Have you no shame? Don’t you care about our reputation, word gets out that my daughter left to floozy around with two men-” 

You scoffed, “That’s what you think of me?” He crossed his arms over his chest, doesn’t say a word, “And no, I don’t care for your stupid reputation around this dead village. I left because I had no other choice, Cidri was beating me and there was only one end if I stayed with him.” 

Your father rolled his eyes, “Stop being dramatic. Every relationship has its moments, you think your mother never got a smack from me?” 

Before you respond your mother enters, along with Cidri and you feel your stomach drop. Any bravado and confidence you had quickly left at the sight of him. Hasn’t changed a day; same young face, short hair and no beard. 

A big part of you believed you no longer feared him. You had taken on bandits, fought and killed enough with your sword. Heck, you walk around with a Witcher beside you, you, in reality, shouldn’t fear this pathetic man. Yet, as you stand in the Inn, you are floored by the same fear and shame that has always controlled you. 

“Didn’t quite believe it,” his smooth voice echoes through the unusually quiet Inn, “Y/N, my wife, is back and with a Witcher.” 

It’s silent, you can’t find it within you to look away from him. Fear evident in your eyes, you feel sweat build upon your brow and upper lip, your hands are shaking by your sides. Everything in your mind is telling you to run, to leave and never return, but you can’t seem to move. Stuck. Frozen in place under his stare. 

“Nothing to say?” He asked suddenly, “I expected, at most, an apology from you. You had us worried sick-”

The amused ‘hm’ from Geralt stops Cindri from talking. Cidri raises an eyebrow at Geralt, for a brief moment you’re scared for the Witcher. He isn’t invincible or immortal, Cindri knows how to inflict pain and Geralt can certainly feel- no matter what he’d tell you, you knew he had emotions otherwise he wouldn’t have tagged along. What exactly those emotions are, you don’t know. 

“If anyone deserves an apology, it’s Y/N,” Jaskier pipes up, surprising you and Geralt, the look of disbelief on your favourite Bards’ face is one you’ll remember forever. 

“So, I guess, she told you her story?” You frowned, “of course, she’ll be the victim. I gave her a life of luxury, I paid off her dads' debts so he could run this shithole. I saved her.” 

Geralt huffs, “That doesn’t mean she owes you anything,” There’s a silence that hangs in the air at Geralt’s words, “Two years she’s been gone and not a hint of relief that she’s back, if a girl like her went missing on my watch I would have followed after her.” 

Cidri looks to be shaking with anger, glaring straight at Geralt. Only when you glance at Geralt he looks calm, hardly worked up, casually leaning against a wall as if this is some fun affair. His amber eyes catch your own, for a moment everything feels okay, you don’t feel so afraid or guilty. It’s as if whatever confidence seems to radiate through Geralt is being passed to you. 

You stand a little straighter, hand clutched on the handle of your blade. You settle Cidri with a glare, he flounders for a sentence, a rebuttal at the Witcher. 

“No one asked you, Whorson.” Venom laces his words, “of course, she’ll find comfort within something like you. A man unable to feel, exactly what she needs since no one would ever love that back,” he chuckles and gives Jaskier a once over.

“That’s enough, Cidri,” you call before he can insult your friends further. 

“Oh, she does talk.” 

You narrow your eyes at him, “I wonder how it was possible for me to be so weak, so fucking spineless. The only way I saw out was running, but the more you talk I realise it would be so easy for me to cut your head off where you stand.” His eyes widen at your words, “I was so scared of being alone that I believed I was unlovable; only you could love me in your twisted ways. I am not your wife,” you firmly tell him, “or your daughter,” directed to your parents.

Glancing at the men behind you, both wearing proud smirks, you nod for the door and they follow. You walk swiftly out of the Inn, tilting your head when spotting Cidri’s horse alongside Roach. It’s about time he owed you, isn’t it?!

“Don’t you walk away from me!” Cidri shouts angrily, following after you quickly and grabbing ahold of your wrist before Geralt can react you’ve pulled a dagger from your hip and place it tightly against Cidri’s throat, “G-ha!” he gasps. 

Leaning in close, “you don’t touch me. You don’t look at me. You don’t even think about me without my permission, got it?” He goes to nod but the blade cuts into his throat, “I’ve dreamt about this moment, Cidri,” you softly tell him, “how my blade would feel slicing that disgusting neck of yours. I want you to know that one day, not today or even a year from now, I will return and kill you because it’s what you owe me. Not an apology, but your beatless heart.” 

You pull the knife away, making sure to slice his neck just a little so it stings- less of what he deserves. You back away, smiling as you do before gesturing for Jaskier to get on the black stallion. 

~~

“How do you feel?” The deep voice startles you for a moment, you glance up to see Geralt leave the crowded Inn, Jaskier’s singing being muffled by the door closing. He sits beside you on the bench, taking up more than half and brushing his arm against yours. 

You take a moment to admire him, “Good. I feel good, the first time in a long time.” 

Geralt nods, humming in response. “When are you going to go back and kill him?” You see the amused smirk on his face, you nudge him as you chuckle. 

“I said that to make him paranoid, I intend to leave him in the past and look towards my future,” Geralt only smiled and nodded, “thank you, Geralt. I really appreciate you coming along with me.” 

He only grunts in response and it goes quiet between you, you bite your lip out of habit and sigh. A weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, no more running or cowering. You can finally live your life knowing the monster is now afraid of you. 

“You don’t really believe you’re unlovable, do you?” Geralt asks as you stand up, you look at him and you’re around level heights with him now that you’re standing, “you can’t. I think you’re one of the easiest people to love, it’s natural for people to love you. It’s...a  habit.” 

You chuckle a little in surprise from his outburst, “Uh-I… I don’t know. All I’ve known is Cidri’s love. I guess, Jaskier loves me too but that’s friendly and he flirted with me the first time we talked,” Geralt rolled his eyes, clearly unphased by that news. “The most broken people are always easiest to love, loving them makes people feel better about themselves.” 

Geralt sighs heavily, “You underestimate yourself. You’re not broken, Y/N, you never were. No one needs to fix you; you’re perfect just the way you are.”

Your breath hitches at his kind words. Geralt is a man of few words and even fewer expressions, but the softness of his voice and smile, it lets you know how honest he’s being with you right now. How open and vulnerable he’s being with you. 

“What will you do now?” You change the subject

“Find another monster to kill,” Geralt answers without looking away from you, he’s wearing a nonchalant smirk like you’re meant to be in on some joke. 

You nod once, looking at your hands as Geralt rises to feet. You tentatively look up and it’s as if time slows, Geralt leans down and you find yourself leaning up and towards him. Your lips meet in a soft, slow kiss, one that’s full of... an emotion you’re not quite sure of but would like to know. 

Geralt pulls away, “Too soon?” 

“Not soon enough,” you respond and pull him back in, he chuckles against your lips but quickly falls back into kissing you.

{{let me know what you think of this, I’d really appreciate it!!!!!}}}}

(Sorry it’s so long. Also I tried to add a READ MORE link but it wouldn’t work, so i apologise to everyone who has to scroll through this. I tried to add it but it wouldn’t work and kept messing up my post /: )

TAGS: @ladyrivia​ @peachy-aisha​ @onlyhopebensolo  @itswhateveripromise @companionjones​ 

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: Picture Perfect

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery:  A whole day with Ben's family and no way to escape. How will you survive? And will any rules be left intact by the end of the night?

Warnings: SMUT (finally lmao), nothing like super kinky but it is explicit, plus the usual stuff,  drinking, mention of smoking.

Words: 6284

A/N: ARE YA'LL READY FOR THIS? smut scene is marked with a *** so you can skip it if you like.

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@coni-martina @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle @vicouscirce @arianabrashierstuff @pattieboydwannabe @maggieroseevans @theprettyandthereckless @im-an-adult-ish​

A week later you were in the passenger seat of Ben’s car, your bags in the back, watching the scenery pass by. You found your eyes drawn to him more often than usual but he didn’t seem to notice. Maybe it was that he was so focused on the road and the traffic around you or maybe it was because you were playing I spy and a few glances from the person who’d spied the object were expected. I spy was a good game. Distracting enough to focus your mind on something other than wanting Ben. For the most part at least. “And we can definitely still see it?” “Yuuuuuuup,” you popped the ‘p’ and glanced over at Ben again. “And it starts with ‘M’ but isn’t ‘Mazda’ like what’s driving behind us, or Mars Bar like what I was just eating?”” “Nope,” you popped the p again and laughed, “d’you want a clue?” “Go on then, otherwise we’ll be stuck like this all day,” “We’ve been following them since we got on the motorway,” Ben’s forehead creased as he thought about your clue, “Truck doesn’t start with ‘M’,” “Clever boy. You deserve a gold star for that one,” “Bite me,” You laughed and gave in to the temptation to look at him again, noting the crease of his forehead as he thought about your clue, “Should I just tell you?” “Fine, I’m never going to get it at this rate,” “I spy with my little eye a mudflap girl. Two of them actually,” “What the fuck is a mudflap girl?” You pointed at the silhouette on the tuck’s mudflaps, “Her. The chick with the stupidly pinched in waist and big knockers.” “Is that what they’re called?” “What knockers?” “No, I’m perfectly familiar with those,” Ben laughed and you whistled teasingly, willing your mind to stop picturing what it was picturing “Shush, I meant the mudflap girls, is that what they’re called?” “Yeah. You didn’t know?” He shook his head slightly, “Never really came up.” “Sorry, would have picked something else if I’d realised,” “‘s fine. Just means I won’t hold back with the next one.” You’d been a little nervous at the prospect of driving hours with just Ben for company, still coming to grips with the fact you wanted to knock boots with him. You couldn’t even think about it in direct language, just roundabout phrases your mum used to use. But, thankfully, all your concerns had disappeared the moment you got into the car, infected by Ben’s bright smile and insistence that he’d make it fun. His definition of fun was a lot of classic driving games, hence the I Spy, plenty of road trip snacks, and a healthy dose of a specially curated driving playlist. You’d made fun of him for including I’m In Love With My Car on it but he just turned it up louder and sang it at you which only made you laugh more. It stopped any awkwardness or uncomfortable silences in their tracks. But all the laughter and playful teasing was just another reminder of how close you were and that made you think about how badly you wanted to do the dirty with him, hear him whining your name, feel his hands all over you, cuddle up with him and doze as he read to you. You shook your head as the third image sprang to the forefront of your mind. That wasn’t right. Bumping uglies was one thing but dozing was out of the question. Unless it was in a post-coital come down of course. Not that any of it mattered since you weren’t going to act on it. Joe had made it very clear that something actually happening was a bad idea. Although, looking at Ben now he didn’t seem to be that bad off. Certainly not white knuckling it as Joe had said. He was happy and bubbly and you couldn’t see a single sign of him falling apart. What did Joe know anyway? He lived so far away, how could he possibly know what was good for Ben or, for that matter, you.

Halfway there you found a place to pull up so you could stretch your legs and refresh your snacks but then it was back into the car for the second leg of the trip, winding through the traffic until it thinned out and you pulled up outside a nice white house with a tidy yard. “This is it?” you asked, the nerves back in full force. “Yeah, you good?” You just nodded your head but Ben gave your hand a reassuring squeeze, “Remember the plan, yeah? Hold hands as much as we can, look as loved up as possible, just like what we do for the cameras. What’s our story?” “Met at the audition for Edith since you’d already been cast. Hung out a lot as prep for the movie. You asked me out a couple of days before filming began and we dated secretly for a while but then, partway through filming, we were caught by paparazzi and decided to be open about it.” “Very good. What el- shit, no time for the rest of the pop quiz, the front door just opened.” “It’s okay, I’m good. We’ve been doing this for months now, it’s just more of the same.” Ben nodded and then let your hand go so he could get out of the car. You opened your door and stepped out, smoothing out your skirt, your hand cold outside of Ben’s grasp. But he fixed the problem, taking your hand again as he led you towards the front door and the person who’d come out onto the driveway. He squeezed your hand again. “Hi mum. This is Y/N,” “Well it’s about time,” his mum said, already stepping forward to hug you, forcing you to drop Ben’s hand “lovely to meet you, darling.” “Pleasure to meet you too Mrs Jones,” you smiled politely as she stepped back. “Oh, Angela, please,” her hands were still on your shoulders as she examined your appearance, “Gosh aren’t you pretty.” You managed to stutter out a thank you, suddenly feeling much more shy than you normally would have. “Oh c’mon mum, let her go.” “I’m just saying she’s beautiful, what’s wrong with that?” but her hands fell from you as she turned her attention to Ben, “I still think you’re very handsome too Ben. Need a bit of a haircut though.” He rolled his eyes but hugged her all the same. “Mikey’s already there setting up with your father and I expect you’ll be giving him a hand soon?” “Can I not have five minutes out of the car before I get piled up with chores?” Ben whined as you both followed her inside.

She led you on a brief tour of the house, pointing out where the bathrooms were and coming to an end at Ben’s old room where you’d be staying. She promised you enough time to grab your bags and freshen up before you’d be asked to help and then she headed back towards the front of the house. You peeked inside the bedroom door hoping to see what teenage Ben’s sense of style was but it had since been redecorated. “Don’t look so disappointed,” Ben laughed, “Mum had the whole house redone a few years ago and it didn’t make sense to keep my room how it was.” “Please tell me there’s photos here somewhere,” “Probably but you’re not seeing them,” “You have to tell me something, I’m your girlfriend and I need to know.” “Fuck off, you do not,” “Please?” you extended the word in a childish whine, pouting at him until he broke. “What d’you want to know then?” “What’d you have on your walls? Band posters?” Ben laughed, “Uhhh, a few sports things – my favourite teams and that. Some girls with big tits leaning all over cars…Couple of theatre posters too,” “Nerd,” “Shut up,” he laughed again, pushing against your shoulder, “Sorry about Mum by the way,” “It’s totally fine,” “I promise it’ll all be over soon,” You were taken aback as he wrapped you up in a tight hug but very happily relaxed against him. Carefully, so as not to break the moment you looked up at him only to find him looking back at you. It was the closest you’d been since the almost-kiss in the hotel. Sure, you’d been close, even hugged before, but not in this long, lingering way and even then, it was mostly just in public. A sharp knock at the door made you break apart. “Sorry to rush you but Mikey’s just called asking after you. Better get a move on,” “Who’s Mikey?” you asked, refusing to acknowledge the tension in the air. “My brother, Michael. S’pose we should crack on. You’ve got about twelve bags to pull from the car.” “Fuck off, it’s only two and one of them’s a hand bag. Plus, it’s you’re fault for not being more specific about dress code.” You hadn’t known exactly what to pack and got no clear answer when you’d asked, so you’d packed a few different outfit options, from casual jeans and a nice blouse to a slightly more fancy little black dress, the clutch you’d taken to the French restaurant packed with it in case you needed a stylish purse. “You’re such a drama queen. Just help me with them yeah?”

You would have known he was Ben’s brother even before you’d heard about him. His face was thinner and his shoulders less broad but they had the same smile, same eyes. He was lovely too, jumped down off a chair and dropped the coil of fairy lights he’d been holding so he could shake your hand and introduce himself. Then came their dad, maybe not quite as warm as their mum but just as welcoming. Both you and Ben were handed lengths of lights and sent off to find places to hang them. Inside it wasn’t necessary since the restaurant was already lit up, staff busting about making sure everything was ready for that afternoon. So Ben led you away from the big open door, into the beer garden. It was mostly paved, small shoots of grass sprouting up through the bricks, though there was also a large strip of grass at the very end of the yard. Ben’s brother and dad were on one side of the yard, securing their lights to the fence so you and Ben headed straight for the grassy end where the light of the restaurant wouldn’t quite reach. “Wait here a sec,” Ben said, handing you his coil of lights and turning back towards the paved area. You watched as he dragged on of the sturdy wooden tables over to you. At the first scrape of the wood on the brick he looked inside to see if anyone was going to go mad at him but, aside from his family members, no one noticed. When he finally got it in position, he climbed up onto the table and held out his hand for the lights. You kept lookout as he wound the wire around a tree branch and then jumped down again, handing the end of the lights to you so you could wrap it around the tree trunk and secure the battery pack out of harm’s way, as he pushed the table back into place. It wasn’t long before the yard was covered with lights extending from the doorway all the way to the fence that blocked the yard from the road. Of course, all that work meant you deserved a drink so, by the time Ben’s mum and other family members began arriving in the late afternoon, you were already halfway through your first glass. Ben gave you a running commentary of everyone who walked into the restaurant. “That’s my cousin and her daughter. And the couple behind her are my,” he thought for a moment, “Well let’s call them cousin’s too because I don’t know how seconds and removals work. The bald guy over there talking to Mum is my great uncle. And the woman who just waved is an Aunt. Whatever you do, don’t mention her son. He’s had a run in with the law and it’s a touchy subject.” “Noted. But shit, when you said family get together you really meant it,” “Yeah,” Ben laughed, “The Jones’ don’t do things by halves. ‘Specially not when there’s drinking involved.”

As the place began to fill Ben took you around to meet people. You felt a little like the ball in a pinball machine, bouncing from one person to another, introducing yourself and then moving on to someone else, almost immediately forgetting any names you’d just been told. It was almost like doing interviews again except with more movement and more alcohol. Ben kept a hold of you, either interlocking his fingers with yours or else wrapping his arm around your waist, keeping you close to his side, only letting you go to grab you another drink or light up a cigarette. At one point you had a small crowd gathered beside you, all pointing out things they’d seen in magazines or on the internet about you, all wanting to hear about how you met. Thankfully you’d become quite practiced at telling the story. “We met at the audition actually,” Ben said, “I had the part but they wanted to try me with different actresses to find someone that would work well on screen. I’d met, I don’t know, eight or nine women and then Y/N came into the room. She looked kinda nervous,” You shook your head in disagreement but Ben ignored you. “but we got a chance to say hi before we had to read the lines and we just clicked.” “Our director really liked us together so I got a call back and we did another scene,” “So they could, y’know, see us kiss, make sure the chemistry was there.” “They must have liked it because I got the part. We did a couple of weeks of all this, um, like, bonding stuff. The rest of the main cast was there too but me and Ben had a few one on one things because we were playing a couple that was already engaged so they wanted us to look really connected.” “Anyway, I wanted to ask her out after day one but I wasn’t sure if I should because we’d be working together,” “I took a little longer to see him in that light but he was so sweet and charming and fun to be around, and by the end of the week I was thinking the same thing. Only neither of us wanted to make the first move because if it wasn’t mutual then it could make the next few months of work really awkward.” “Eventually one of the other actors pointed out how into me she was so I asked her out for a coffee and it went from there.” He returned your smile and then pulled you closer into his side, dropping a kiss to the top of your head as you leaned against his chest. “Well your casting director knew what they were doing because you two are adorable together.” A few more questions followed but eventually Ben was able to extract you from the crowd with the excuse you needed more drinks. “Actually, I gotta run to the loo, I’ll bring some food back with me though, okay?” “Okay, I’m gonna grab another cocktail, you want anything?” “Beer’d be great,” “Sure thing, babe,” He smiled again as he left you but you were smiling too. There was something fun about the act. Even with everything that had happened and how mixed up and hard it had been at times, an evening like this was fun. He made you laugh and made sure you felt comfortable in what could have easily been an extremely uncomfortable situation. Plus, it meant you got to indulge the part of you that was still fantasising about being with him. You were allowed to kiss him and touch him because you were acting. There was no confusion about why, no worries about if you were crossing the line you’d put down, nothing to stop you from enjoying it. So what if occasionally your fantasies extended beyond just doing the horizontal tango? It wasn’t so bad to think about cuddling up in front of the TV with him.

Drinks in hand you headed back to where Ben had disappeared, trying to spot him in the crowd. “Y/N!,” You spun round to see who was talking, finding yourself face to face with Ben’s mum again. Angela, you reminded yourself. “Come join us over here,” she said leading you to a table where a few others sat, “You’ve met my husband Keith already, yes? And this is Doug and Katherine. This is Y/N, Ben’s girlfriend.” You took a seat and chatted with them, glancing around for Ben every so often. Eventually Doug and Katherine got up to talk to someone else and Keith went off in search of more food, leaving you and Angela alone. “Now, darling, Ben tells me you’ve got a work thing to get back home for tomorrow so you’ll be leaving a bit earlier than originally planned.” Angela said, patting your hand. “Yeah, um, it’s an audition,” you lied. It was a cover Ben had come up with so you didn’t get guilted into staying an extra day. “Well that does sound important. I’m sad we won’t have longer to get to know you though. I must admit, I saw a photo of you and Ben a while ago and I was hoping he’d bring you up because you just looked so lovely. And you obviously make him very happy, which is of course what every mother hopes for. So you have to come back soon so we can have a proper chat. Make a weekend of it or something.” You were a little taken aback, stunned to hear how much of an impact you’d had without meaning to. It made you feel a bit guilty. This was Ben’s family and you weren’t part of it, you shouldn’t be there. But you swallowed the doubts, tried to ignore how much you wanted it all to be real, and smiled back at her, “I’d love that. Just say when.” “Oh now don’t tempt me or I’ll have the date picked out before the end of the night. I don’t want to jump the gun or seem too forward but just seeing how you two are together…I hope you know you’re welcome in our family. Ben loves you a lot, I can tell.” “I know. And it’s very kind of you,” “I mean it darling. And if the next family get together was your wedding, well….but of course that’s neither here nor there.” You laughed it off but your insides were churning. “So this is where you got to,” Ben’s voice interrupted as he dropped into the seat beside you and lay his hand on your knee. You hadn’t realised your leg had been bouncing but you stopped it the moment he touched you. “I was just telling Y/N that you should come back again soon, when there’s no auditions to interrupt your stay.” “Sure, Mum,” Ben said, still touching your leg. You chatted for a bit longer until she got distracted enough for Ben to lean into your ear and softly ask, “You okay? Or do you want to get out of here?” “Please,” you whispered back. “Okay, follow me,” He took your hand and told his mum he wanted to introduce you to someone but you barely heard it, your head buzzing as you made a polite exit and let Ben lead you outside, making excuses to anyone who tried to stop you. As soon as you were clear of the venue he pulled out his phone to find a car, one hand on your lower back, rubbing soft circles over your shirt until you felt you could breathe easy again. “Better?” “Thank you. How’d you know?” He shrugged, “I just know you. I saw your leg bouncing and figured Mum had said something,” “She mentioned us getting married,” “What? Why the fuck would that have come up?” “It was just a passing comment but I….” You half shrugged, trying to find the right words. “It’s okay, c’mon, let’s go home you can tell me everything.” You nodded and let him hug you as you waited for the car.  

Once you were inside Ben grabbed a couple of glasses from the kitchen and then headed into the dining room. “Thank you dad,” he mumbled as he pulled a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label out of a cupboard and turned to show you, “He’s kept a stash of this stuff in here since I was a kid. Got in trouble for stealing some a couple of times.” “Better not let him find out about this then,” you laughed, feeling more relaxed now that it was just you and Ben, a sizeable distance from the rest of the party. Ben chuckled along as he poured a little into each glass and carefully replaced the bottle, “So what happened back there?” “I don’t know,” you accepted your glass and took a sip, leaning against the corner of the table. Ben didn’t cut in, he just took his own drink and waited until you could say more. “I guess it was just harder to be around your family than I was expecting. It wasn’t the same as sitting in a restaurant on a date,” you drew the quotation marks in the air with your fingers, “That was a room full of people who care about you and they were all so lovely and welcoming and your mum said she’d been hoping you’d bring me here since she saw a photo of us and invited me back so she could get to know me and I said I’d love to because what else could I say and she seemed so happy about it and so pleased that you’re so happy and I feel so guilty about lying to them all. What if they find out? Your mum’ll be so disappointed.” “Don’t worry about lying to them, I’ve done it plenty before,” when you didn’t laugh he put his glass down beside you and took you free hand in his, “Seriously, Y/N, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. The premiere is coming up in a couple of weeks and then pretty soon after that we’ll break up and I’ll tell them it just wasn’t working, and they’ll accept it and never have to know the truth. And then we can forget this whole thing and move on.” You weren’t so sure that was what you wanted anymore, but you weren’t sure enough to say it. Instead you put your glass down as well and said, “but it must be hard for you too. Having me here and everything.” It was only when you looked at him that you realised how close you were standing. He was still holding your hand, his thumb rubbing back and forth over your fingers. “I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” You weren’t sure what compelled you to do it, the drink maybe, or just pent up sexual tension, but he was so close and he was looking at you with those eyes and before you could stop yourself you leaned in to kiss him. He seemed a bit shocked, taking half a step back, and you were sure he was going to tell you it wasn’t a good idea and then leave you standing there alone. But then his hand was on your jaw as he kissed you back, all hesitancy gone. You felt him sigh against you as if he’d been holding his breath, waiting for this to happen again, and pulled him in closer.

***

Maybe it was the months without sex, or maybe it was how often your mind had conjured similar scenes, or maybe it was just how good it felt to have him press you against the table to kiss you again, but whatever the reason it wasn’t long until you were pushing the hem of his shirt up over his stomach. He took the hint and stopped kissing you just long enough to pull it over his head, quickly finding your lips again as his fingers worked on the buttons of your shirt. He got about halfway through and then stopped, instead dropping his hands to your arse so he could lift you up and carry you up the hall towards his room. He kicked the door shut once he was through it and pressed you against it, kissing you as if to make up for lost time. It was a heady experience, being pinned to the door, your legs wrapped around him as you kissed messily. Too much and not enough all at once. You needed him closer still and clutched at his shoulders to try and make him understand. Either he really could read you well or he wanted the same thing because a moment later there was no longer a door behind you, Ben taking the few steps towards the bed and letting himself drop to the mattress. He pushed your shirt from your shoulders, no longer needing to hold you up, and ran his hands over your sides as if trying to map out he lines of your body. A whine escaped you as your need to remove layers grew and you dropped your hands to his belt, fumbling blindly with the buckle. A voice in your head told you it was a bad idea. You still weren’t certain of your feelings, weren’t sure doing this would cure you of them or if it’d just make everything messier than it already was. But the voice got quieter with every shift of your hips and every stroke of his fingers. “You’ve no idea how much I’ve thought about this,” he mumbled against your neck. All you could manage was a small whimper of agreement as he kissed you again, and traced his fingers up to the clasp of your bra. It was on the floor in seconds, his hands replacing the material, only making you want more. You arched your back into his touch, panted against his lips. He smiled, circled a nipple with his thumb, delighted in your response.

Suddenly he flipped you over so you were sitting on the bed, kissed you again and then stood up. “Ben?” you were worried he was going to put an end to things before they got too far. Thankfully he didn’t, just shucked off his pants. You almost laughed in relief as he leaned over you again, making quick work of the fastening of your skirt so it too could join the clothing on the floor. The voice in your head was gone, silenced by the pure desperate need to have him touch you more, and he was making no moves to stop it either as you shuffled further up the bed, pulling him along with you. You let out a choked off moan as he kissed a trail down your neck, tilted your head to the side so he could reach all the spots that made you gasp. But it still wasn’t enough. You were going to go crazy with need if you didn’t get something more soon, so you let your hand fall between you, rubbed your palm over the front of his boxers, felt him rock his hips against your hand, already hard. He sat back on his knees so he could slip your underwear down your legs. “Fuck,” he groaned as soon as he realised how wet you were. You grabbed his wrist and put his hand between your legs, hoping he’d take the hint. He did, trailing his fingers between your lips, over your clit. Your breath caught as he slipped a lone digit into you, slowly, easing you into it before he added a second. He watched you closely, eyes half lidded and soft, the tip of his tongue poking out from between his teeth like he was concentrating on memorizing every inch of you, inside and out. Even in that moment, when your breaths were coming shaky and uneven, and your skin was burning under his gaze, even then all you could think was how hot he looked, hair ruffled, lips kiss swollen, completely enraptured by you. He shifted his finger slightly and your eyes fluttered shut. “There, babe, fuck, right there,” you sighed. “Like that?” he asked softly, twitching his fingers against you again. You nodded though he drew a more vocal response from you a few seconds later when he added a third finger and leaned down to suck your nipple between his lips. He hummed when he heard you say his name and repeated the same motion in the same place, so you said his name again, louder, and then again and again as he kept going, hitting you exactly where you needed him. You were almost surprised by how quickly he managed to pull you over the edge. Almost. But it had been a while and he’d always promised he was good. He worked you through it before he carefully withdrew his fingers and kissed you again, stealing what little breath you had left.

And then he stopped. Sat back again. You blinked your eyes open and reached for him as he leaned over the edge of the bed, opened the draw of the beside cabinet and swore. Pulling himself back towards you he took your outstretch hand and kissed the back of it, “I don’t have any condom’s here,” he sounded apologetic. “I have some, wait,” you kissed him quickly before you stood, a little unsteady, and opened the wardrobe door, thankful Felicity had given you the handful of them and that you’d brought the bag with you. He looked like he was about to ask why but the sight of you climbing onto the bed, straddling him, with one hand on his chest to lay him down, made the question die in his throat. He let his head fall back onto the pillow as you pulled his underwear off and rolled the condom on as quick as you could manage. And then you sank down onto him, trying to take your time. “Fuck,” you whined, pausing to give you both a moment to adjust. His hand grabbed onto your waist, fingertips pressing into you, encouraging you to move. It was soft but not quite, both of you panting and groaning as you raised and lowered yourself on him, building up to a steady rhythm. His hands roamed over you, grabbing your arse the way he had done on his couch, moving over your breasts, squeezing your hips, gentle but firm pulling you to speed up each time. You needed to be closer though, so you leaned down to kiss him again, grunting at the change of position. But it interrupted your flow, made you stutter out of time, so Ben propped himself up on his elbows, and then when that wasn’t enough, sat up fully, his knees rising behind you. One hand was braced on your back to keep you steady as you circled your hips, the other cupped your cheek as his forehead leaned against yours, every uneven breath audible, able to feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest under your palm. “I love you,” he sighed, his nose bumping against yours as he searched for your lips again. You were on the verge of repeating his words back to him when he dropped his hand from your cheek, let it fall between you and brush against your clit, the confession lost in your moan. “You gonna c-cum for me?” You nodded, leaning into his neck as you did your best to keep riding him, legs shaking with the effort and your approaching release. He didn’t let up until you were crying out into his shoulder, following close behind you with his own moan.

***

You lost track of how long you sat there, leaning against each other as you came down, lost track of where you were, lost track of the reality of your relationship. Your instinct was to keep clinging to Ben, keep kissing along his jaw and nose as you pulled yourselves back together. But it was too much for him. He let go of you suddenly, as if just touching you was painful. “I’ve gotta…” he said with a half hearted nod in the direction of the doorway. “Oh. Right, yeah,” you climbed off him, trying not to react to the sudden emptiness, the sudden cool of the air outside of his embrace. Ben moved to the edge of the bed, glanced at you, ran his hand through his hair. “I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” you offered somewhat lamely, not sure how to explain everything you were feeling. “Neither. Are you okay?” “Yeah. I, um, it was really good and I-I think I kind of needed it.” This was it. There was no more running from what you were feeling. No more pretending it was platonic or just physical. You had to come clean, to yourself as much as to Ben. Ben smiled but it was a pained kind of smile, “It was good for me too. Really good. But it can’t ever happen again.” He stood up before you could say anything else, tied off the condom and put his boxers back on, making a hasty retreat. Something stirred in your memory and you had the sudden urge to tell him he couldn’t leave you because he owed you a third orgasm, but it was too late. He was gone and you were left sitting there, naked and alone, waiting for him to come back so you could explain. When enough time had passed without his return you got up, put your pyjamas on and went to the bathroom, running on autopilot as you considered everything that had just happened. Maybe Ben was right to walk away. Maybe it had been a mistake. He probably wouldn’t believe you if you told him how you really felt. You’d taken too long to work it out, been too vocal about not feeling it. And it would be poor timing to say it right after you’d slept together. He’d think you were saying what he wanted to hear so he wouldn’t be embarrassed about saying it himself. And maybe it was down to all the tension between you. You’d spent all day pretending to be the loving girlfriend after all, maybe it had influenced you a bit, made you think you felt things you didn’t actually feel. But something that good, that tender, didn’t just happen with anyone, surely. It certainly hadn’t been like that with anyone else you’d been with casually. And you’d assumed that having sex with Ben would be the solution, that you’d finish and be fixed. No more thinking about him, no more wanting to be with him. But all you really wanted was to cuddle up beside him. Fall asleep in his arms. That wasn’t something you usually wanted from one night stands. Normally you’d want to get out as fast as possible not sit in their bedroom and wait for them. And the thought of everything else that could happen if he just knew it was what you wanted – waking up beside him, making him coffee, listening to him play stupid love songs on his stupid guitar, comforting him on bad days, being his actual fucking girlfriend and not just his pretend one – all of that sounded so fucking wonderful. It couldn’t just be endorphins making you feel like that. There had to be something of substance behind it all. Afterall they’d been there for a while now, those feelings. It wasn’t like the sex had conjured them. You’d been pretending not to notice them but they’d been there for months. So the only way forward was to tell him.

When you got back to the bedroom Ben was there, curled away from you on a makeshift bed on the floor. He could have been sleeping except his shoulder’s were too rigid, holding too much tension. “Ben?” He didn’t respond, just kept feigning sleep. So you switched out the light and tiptoed to the bed, crawling under the covers. The sheets still smelt like him and it made your heart ache. What if you just said it? You sat up, turned your head in his direction. “Ben?” it came out as more of a whisper than you’d have like so you tried again, “Ben, I-I-” If you said it now would he join you? Or would he pretend he hadn’t heard? You fell silent again at that thought, not sure you could cope with it. Maybe you’d just hold off for a bit. Wait until the premiere. Give yourself time to find the exact right words to explain your apparent change of heart. He couldn’t write you off as trying to spare him some embarrassment if you said it weeks after he’d let it slip in the throws of passion. He’d have to take you seriously then. “Goodnight,” you sighed, and lay down again, though try as you might, you couldn’t sleep. You lay there in the dark, sure Ben was just as awake as you were, with only one thought in your head. You loved Ben. And you didn’t know what to do about it.

[dreamingabouttaron]

History Repeating - Part 7

Warning -Mentions of Teenage Pregnancy and Alcohol Consumption

All the books said that your baby was now the size of a pomegranate but by the look of your stomach, it was certainly more like a small melon. Over the last week your wardrobe had been reduced down to two pairs joggers and a handful of t-shirts, all of which had been originally ridiculously oversized. You knew it was officially time to delve into the world of maternity clothes. Something you had been avoiding for a while.

Considering you were now entering your 6th month of pregnancy, you were pleased you had lasted this long! You had been very lucky that the majority of your pregnancy so far had been easily disguised and you haven’t really suffered that badly. But now, things were started to change. Your body was growing and changing in ways it hadn’t before and it was feeling incredibly surreal.

Earlier in the week your mum had knocked on your bedroom door and entered with a cardboard box. You paused the film you were watching and sat yourself further up the bed. “What’s this?” You questioned, making your mum blush slightly.

“Uh… my old maternity clothes,” she said sheepishly before placing the box next to you on the bed. “I thought you might want them,” she added, her gaze falling on the belly visible between the hem of your t-shirt and the waistband of your sweatpants. “I always planned to keep them incase I had another baby. They might not be ‘your style’ but they’re better than what you’ve got at the moment.”

“Oh thanks, so you’re saying I look a mess?” You snapped, causing your mum to take a deep breath in an attempt to keep her patience.

“Grace, it’s not exactly a secret that you’re growing out of your clothes.” She said folding her arms and staring down at your growing bump. “You’re only going to get bigger.”

“Okay, fine,” Grace grumbled, opening the box and pulling out a few items. You pulled out the first thing you hand fell upon, a bright pink shirt. You carefully unfolded it and examined it with an ever growing frown appearing on your face. “Seriously? You actually wore this?” You grumbled before throwing the item back into the pile.

“Grace I’m trying to help.” Your mum warned. “Please just take a look and see if there is anything in there. If not I think we need to go maternity clothes shopping.” As soon as you had heard the words fall out of her mouth, you groaned.

“But, I don’t want too!” You moaned, sounding like a spoiled child. Everyone knew everybody here in Aberystwyth, as soon as people saw you maternity shopping the news would spread like a wild fire and you certainly weren’t in the mood for that.

“Oh Grace, get a grip! Just have a look for me and let me know.” You mum started to walk back towards the bedroom door, “We can go at some point this week before your father comes home from filming.” and with that she was gone.

You rolled your eyes and poured the rest of the contents onto your bed to examine. To be fair, some of the items were perfectly fine. You hadn’t been in the mood when she approached you about the subject.

***

You had waited as soon as you possibly could to go shopping but today certainly was the day. Your dad was finally coming home after spending the last 2 months filming in LA. You had tried to make an effort, well, when you say make an effort, it just meant washing your hair and putting on a new pair of tracksuit bottoms and jumper. Both of which were unbearably tight.

“Mum…” You called down as you approached the stairs, “Can we go shopping now?”

You watched as your mum appeared at the bottom of the stairs, she looked up and tried to contain her laughter. Your jumper was raised just above your belly-button and the waist band of your joggers was sit neatly around your thighs, unable to go any further.

“There should be a black body con dress in that box I gave you, put that on and we can get going.”

***

You spent hours trailing around the shops, who knew there were so many different types of maternity jeans!? You had resistantly allowed your mum to take the lead, if you were honest, you were glad she was there to help. You would have been completely lost and overwhelmed if she hadn’t of been there. You were both slowly leaving the last shop, bags in hand when you heard your name being called out from behind you. You turned quickly to see who it was.

Your face dropped. It was him. You couldn’t even remember his name but as soon as you saw his face everything came flashing back to you. That night. Your friends. The alcohol. The thumping music. The flirting. The dancing. The drunken not-so-consensual sex. You had been incredibly drunk, the room had swayed as you laid next to this guy. The ceiling swirled above you. You had no idea how you had got there or where you were. It wasn’t until the next morning when you woke up in his bed had you realised what had happened. You felt hot. Sweat started to drip your down back. Your heart was beating faster and faster in your chest as he approached. Your eyes darted taking in his features. You hadn’t realised how tall he had been. You thought he was much older but as you looked at him now, he looked so incredibly young. He couldn’t have been much older than you. He smiles, you don’t. You feel your body tense, your knuckles clutching onto the plastic handles in your hands.

“Gracie?” Your mum whispers, unsure of what was happening. You turn to look at her for a moment before walking closer to this guy.

“Grace, I thought it was you! How are you? I haven’t seen you since…” His words stop almost immediately as you get closer to him. His eyes drop down and examine you.

“Since… since that night?” You question him, now unafraid. His eyes move up to meet yours as he swallows and nods. You turn your head to look back at your mum before looking back at this guy. ‘Guy’, God, you didn’t even know your baby fathers name.

“Hello I’m Grace,” You say as you drop the bags in your hand and place it out for him to shake.

“What are you doing?” He asks flustered. You take a deep breath in and say, “I’m introducing myself to you, so that you hopefully do the same, so that I know your name. Because as of right now, I don’t know who you are.” You watch him frown and realise before shaking your hand, “Hello Grace, I’m Jake.” You smile slightly in return and whisper a “thank you”.

“Can I take your number? I think we should talk at some point,” both unconsciously looking down at the dreaded bump.

“Oh, um… Yeah…” He mumbles before taking your phone and entering his number. “Um, I-I have to go b-but t-text me t-tomorrow.” He replied before quickly running off.

You watched every step he took as he disappeared into the distance. You stood frozen watching him. Would you ever build the confidence to contact him, could this be the last moment you have of your babies father?

“Who was that?” Your mum asked as she rejoined you. “Are you okay?” She frowned as she saw your face. You nod with smile at her, “Just someone I met at a party once…” You announce before picking the abandoned bags up and following your mum back to the car.

The whole journey back home you couldn’t take your mind off ‘Jake’. You closed your eyes and tried to remember more of that night. A night that some would call ‘special'. Your first time. Had it been his first time? Question after question spun through your head making you feel dizzy. You were thankful when you reopened your eyes to see the gates of your house opening. As you pulled into the driveway you and your mum simultaneously noticed your dads car parked outside the front door. You smiled knowing he was home. You had missed him and his hugs, and you certainly needed one after today.

As soon as you entered the house, the familiar sense of home hit you making you feel warm and safe. It helped seeing you father approach the front door to greet you. Even though you had grown up with you dad being away a lot to film, it didn’t mean you didn’t miss him every time he went.

“Wow, look at you!” Taron exclaimed, holding you at arms length taking you in. You rolled your eyes and frowned. “I know” You reply, dragging it out to sound more like a whine.

“We’ve just been out shopping for new clothes,” Lily called out as she placed all of the bags down. Taron kissed you on the cheek before walking over to his wife and placing a loving peck on her lips. You watched and smiled to yourself, after all these years your parents still loved each other ridiculously amounts. They showed you what a loving relationship was, something you craved in the future.

***

Before you knew it, a week or so had passed. You kept hovering your finger on the call button on Jake’s number. A part of you wished you had given him your number, but then would he have contacted you if you had? You had told him you would contact him but you didn’t think you could build the confidence up to actually go and face him. Deep down you knew you needed to talk to him. He deserved to know the truth. You knew the whole thing had made you shut down. You had spent the last few days in bed, you hadn’t really left your room, only really to eat with your parents. Even that felt uncomfortable, your parents have been acting super secretive and it was being incredibly irritating. You had just finished your dinner when your mum wiped up breaking the piercing silence.

“Gracie, your dad and I have a surprise for you.” She grinned at her husband and took your hand, leading you up the stairs and down the hall. “Ready?” She asked making you feel uneasy.

“What’s going on?” You asked feeling tense. Lily held your hand tightly as Taron opened the door of what had been Taron’s office, revealing a finished nursery for the baby. You jaw drops as your eyes trail around the room. Everything had been beautifully put together, the walls had been given a fresh lick of paint and furniture had been built and placed around the room to create a warm and welcoming environment for you and the baby.

“Oh my.” It didn’t take long for tears to form in you eyes as you walked into the room, gently running your fingers along the white dresser. “It’s beautiful. Wait, what’s happening with your office?” You asked turning to Taron looking concerned.

Taron laughed slightly at your question, “That doesn’t matter. All the matters is that you like you. I just wanted to do something special for you. But, if you dont-”

“No! no! It’s amazing! Thank you. Both of you.” You walked towards your parents and brought them both into a hug getting squished in between them. “I love you guys so much.”

“We love you too, sweetheart. We’re so glad you like it.” You mum replied.

“I love it, daddy. I can’t believe you guys did all this for me.”

“You deserve it honey. Taron and I wanted to make sure you know that you’re not in this alone no matter what.” You mum smiled and rubbed your cheek with her thumb. You hugged your parent’s again, still crying, you were so thankful your parents had helped you so much during your pregnancy. You really couldn’t have done it without the love and support.

Tag List - 

@writingformany @hitmeonmytspot @sarahegerton96

[benhardyisdaddy]

must be a dream - part 2

MASTERLIST 

(THANK YOU @roger-bang-the-drum​ FOR CO WRITING THIS WITH ME AND FOR THE IDEA FOR THE LETTERS AND FOR WRITING THE LETTERS!!!! such a brilliant idea and made the story line 100x better so THANK U!!!)

Word Count: 2,790

“Shit!” 

Your whole entire body goes limp as you go to fall backwards. Billy jumps forward and catches you in his arms just before you slam into the ground. He’s panicking as he picks you up bridal style and hurries over to your bed. He gently places you down as he cups your face and attempts to wake you up.

“Y/n?!” he asks loudly as he shakes you a bit. 

His eyes are wild as his heart races. 

“Y/n, wake up!” 

The rest of the crew hurry inside and close the door. Five is at Billy’s side in an instant as she tries to inspect you. 

“Give me some room.” she tells him with a calm voice. 

“The whole point of this was to never be seen again!” calls out One as he runs a hand over his face. “Now we’re in an apartment with an unconscious girl and…and… Three!” he shouts. 

Three is stood over your tiny dining table as he munches on a bag of chips. He looks over to him with a mouthful and a confused expression.

“What?” he asks looking around. 

“Could you possibly not do that right now?” One asks with a disgusted face. 

“Oh my gosh,” harshly whispers Two as she spots the baby. 

Everyone, besides Billy and Five, slowly walk over to examine Stella as she sleeps. Their faces all soften as they coo over her. 

“Is she okay!?” asks Billy as Five feels your pulse. 

She backs away and places a blanket on top of you. 

“She’ll be fine. She’s just knocked out cold. She was overwhelmed.” she tells him.

Billy nods his head as his eyes were still glued to you. He looks terrified as his mind races like crazy. He couldn’t believe that he was back in a place that he once called home. In this exact spot he made you a promise that he would come back safe - and he didn’t. Guilt ripped through him just as he looks over and watches as One slides open a drawer on a small computer desk in the corner of the room.

“What are you doing!?” angrily shouts Billy. 

One looks over fast and quickly holds his hands up. 

“I’m just browsing!” he says in defense. 

“Don’t go through her shit!” 

Billy walks over to where he’s standing and goes to close the drawer. He’s pushing it back just as something catches his eye. He pauses and slowly reopens it. There’s multiple small envelopes with ‘Billy’ written on each one. It’s in your handwriting. His eyes are wide as he swallows hard. 

“What are those?” asks One. 

Billy just shakes his head as he continues to stare at them. 

“I… I don’t know.” 

Billy looks back to you and tenses his jaw. He looks to the envelopes once more and reaches out for them. He picks up the stack and slips the top one off of it. He places the rest on top of the desk and eyes it cautiously. He runs his fingers over his name and takes in a deep breath. He knows he shouldn’t, but he flips it over and gently tears the top open. His fingers slide inside and there’s a piece of paper. He pulls it out and spots writing on it. He feels like he’s doing something wrong, but he doesn’t care. He needs to read them. He has to read them. 

“She’s waking up!” whispers Two suddenly. 

Billy turns around and jumps at her sudden voice. He spots the small baby in her crib as she begins to wiggle around and yawn. Everyone near her all ‘awww’ at the sweet sight. Her big green eyes flutter open as she looks around at all of the unfamiliar faces surrounding her. 

“Hi, sweet girl,” whispers Two as she leans over and gently picks the baby up. 

Billy wants to stop her, but he doesn’t. The baby yawns once more and smiles at Two. This causes Billy to smile as Three walks over and begins making silly faces at her. She grins and does a belly laugh, causing everyone else to. She then looks over at One and stares at him. His eyes go slightly wide as she then reaches her tiny arms out for him. 

“Um,” he says looking at everyone. “Three, she wants you.” 

“No, no, papi. She definitely wants you.” he says with a laugh. 

Two walks over and hands the baby over to One. He takes her and looks super uncomfortable as she reaches her hand out to touch his face. He’s frozen as his eyes look to everyone else. 

“What’s… happening?” he asks as they all giggle. 

“She likes you.” says Seven. 

“That’s surprising.” teases Five. 

“Okay, my turn!” says Three as he walks up. 

“What?” asks One, almost offended. “She wanted me.” 

“Yes, but now I want to hold the baby. It’s my turn!” 

“She doesn’t want you!” fights back One. 

“Enough!” calls out Two. “You both are acting worse than the baby.”

Billy turns his back to them as he looks down at the note that’s still in his hand. He nods his head as he closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. He unfolds it quickly and begins reading. 

Dear Billy, 

You have no idea what it feels like being told that you’re gone. It’s only been a month, but it feels like forever. Your mum tried her hardest to give you an amazing send off. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her that broken before. She couldn’t even stay during the burial. Hell, I almost had to leave. It was so odd seeing your real name on that stone - William Jones. God, that feels so weird to write. You’ll always be my Billy.

I can’t stop thinking about the day we met. We were just kids. I was out searching for food and the others were teasing me about it. I was hungry and alone, but not for long. You snuck food from your house and brought it to me. I still remember what you told me that day. “I’ll always take care of you.” And you did, Billy. You took care of me. It feels like forever since I’ve heard your sweet voice. God, I miss you so much, Billy. I just wish I could have told you everything I know now. Remember when you promised me the world? That was a promise you kept. I’m pregnant, Billy. This beautiful life, this beautiful, lovely human is ours. I know you would have been over the moon excited about all of this. All you ever wanted was a family with me. Well, now we have one. 

I love you, Billy. I’ll forever wish that you could come home to me. These letters will help make me feel like a tiny part of you is still here. I promise to keep writing to you. Goodnight, Billy. Sleep well and say hello to my mum for me. I love you. 

Yours Always, 

Y/n

Billy is stood there with his heart more broken than it ever has been. Something he never thought could happen. You wrote letters to him. Letters to a man you thought you’d never see again. You poured your heart out to your dead boyfriend, all while he was very much alive. Guilty is an understatement. Tears flooded his eyes as he stares down at your letter. His chin is quivering as his face scrunches up. He feels like the worst human in existence. He feels like he’s betrayed you. He left you all alone and with a baby. His baby. He finally had a family and he threw it all away. He hated himself for that. He could never be forgiven. He quickly wipes his eyes and, without thinking, opens another letter. He needs to read more. 

Dear, Billy 

Three months have gone by and you’re still not here. I don’t know why I keep thinking you’ll walk through that door at any minute with a bog goofy, smile on your face. A girl can only dream. I wish you were here to experience everything with me. You would be so in love with hearing and seeing our baby girl. Yes, you read that write. You’re going to a daddy to a beautiful little girl. I so badly wish you could have been there when I found out. I bawled like a baby, but you would have done the same. You always told me how much you wanted a little girl. 

I got to hear her heartbeat again today. It reminded me of when I used to lay on your chest and listen to yours. It’s strong and fast, just like her daddy’s. I already love her more than words can describe. Exactly the same way I will always love you. You broke that pinky promise we made, but I forgive you. I will always forgive you. 

How I long for just one more kiss, my sweet Billy. My William. 

Yours Forever and Always, 

Y/n

He’s speechless. That’s his little girl. His. He shakes his head as he slips the paper back into the envelope. He’s about to open another one up when suddenly you begin groaning. Everyone freezes as he looks to you fast. Your eyes flutter open and then close once more. His heart is racing as he looks around fast and quickly shoves the rests of the letters inside his backpack. Five was by your side as she slowly speaks. 

“Y/n?” she asks. 

You move your head around and slowly open your eyes. You blink several times as they try to adjust. You look to Five and it takes you a moment to realize that you don’t know her. You gasp loudly as you sit up fast and scoot away from her. You look terrified as your back is pressed against the wall. You’re trembling as you look between them all. 

“Who are you!?” you shout. 

“You passed out.” says Five in a calm voice. “We’re not going to hurt you. We were trying to help.” 

All of a sudden, you hear your baby and your heart almost fully stops. Your eyes land on her as she’s still in One’s arms with her hand wrapped around Three’s finger. Three backs away fast as One looks around awkwardly. He raises his brows and then back to you. 

“This looks weird.” he says quietly. 

“Don’t touch her!” you scream as your face twists with anger. 

You jump up from the bed and go to sprint towards him, but are stopped. Your head is woozy as you stumble slightly. Billy is in front of you with his hands on your shoulders. You stare at him in disbelief as your eyes go wide.

“It is you.” you barely whisper.

Billy just smiles as he nods his head. You look so thrilled to see him as you reach your hand forward to touch his face.

“I thought I had dreamed everything.” you tell him with a shaky voice.

“Not a dream, baby. I’m here.” 

Suddenly, your face goes from a sweet, sad smile to an angry, harsh frown. Your draw your hand back and harshly slap Billy in the face. Everyone gasps by your sudden actions as they take a step back. Billy’s stunned as his hand goes to his cheek and hisses. He looks to you fast, utterly confused. You shout out as tears fill your eyes and your chin quivers. 

“You broke our promise!” you half whisper. “You’re supposed to be dead.” you hiss. 

Billy’s trying to find the right words to say, but he can’t. His mouth is open as he attempts to speak. 

“That was my fault.” finally speaks up One. 

He has the baby still in his arms as you look over to him and narrow your eyes. He gives you a tight lipped smile as he gently hands the baby over to Three. Three’s face lights up as he smiles big and begins making funny noises to her. Stella laughs as she reaches up and grabs his nose, causing him to jokingly whisper ‘ow’ and making her laugh even more. 

“Your fault?” you ask as you begin seeing red. “You’re the reason why he left me?” 

Your voice was a mixture of anger, sadness and confusion. Nothing was making sense. 

“I never would have asked him to do it if I had known he had a kid.” confesses One.

“Do what!?” you half shout. “What is this!? Who are you all!?” 

You were frustrated as nobody spoke a word. You look to Billy and his eyes are sad as he looks down to the ground. You couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to explain anything to you. You tense your jaw as your eyes go dark. You shake your head fast as you look to all of them and sarcastically smile. 

“Alright, fine,” you say quickly. “If nobody’s going to explain what the hell is happening, then get out of my home!” you shout as you look to Billy. “All of you!”

They all flinch as tears build up in your eyes. 

“Y/n, no. Please!” begs Billy. 

“You’re dead.” you whisper again. “You died. They saw you die. I went to your f…” you pause as you close your eyes and silently sob at that memory. “I went to your funeral… I buried you as I stood next to your grieving mother.” you hiss.

This time, it was now Billy who was crying. 

“We can explain.” speaks up Seven. 

The crew look to him fast with wide eyes. One goes to say something that will dismiss that idea just as Two speaks up. 

“Yeah. That’s the least,” she says as she gives One a look. “We can do for you.” 

One shuts his mouth fast and knows that he’s been defeated on this. His shoulders slump as he shakes his head and rolls his eyes. 

“Fine!” he says fast. “But I wanna hold the baby while you do.” 

Three looks to One as if he’s just offended him. He steps away from him and shakes his head no. 

“No, she likes me now.” he tells him fast. “I just met her, but I would die for this baby.”

One gives Three a certain look that reads, ‘if you don’t give me the baby, I might hurt you’. Three ignores the glare as he stares at him ten times more harder.

“Actually,” starts Seven. “It’s my turn to hold her.”

One and Three look at him with wide eyes as their eyebrows fly up. 

“Your turn!?” they both ask in unison. 

The three of them begin talking at once and you can’t take it anymore. 

“Hey!” you shout over them.

They all look to you fast as you look over to Billy. He’s still looking at the ground with shame hitting him hard. 

“Don’t you think her father should hold her?” you ask as you continue to stare at him. 

Billy looks up fast and he looks shocked. He gulps hard as the three men all sadly slump their shoulders and agree. Three walks up to Billy and gently hands Stella over to him. Billy holds her in his arms as she stares up at him. She can’t break her tiny eyes away as she studies him closely. Billy just smiles as more tears flood his eyes. 

“Hi,” he whispers. 

He sniffles a bit as gently runs his hand over her blonde, curly hair. Everyone is watching in silence as they take in this magical moment. Your heart swells as you watch the man you thought you’d never see again finally meet his daughter. You place your hand over your heart as you smile. 

“Hi, beautiful,” he whispers to her. 

Stella smiles as her hand reaches out and lands on Billy’s chest. She yawns a bit as everyone melts. She sticks her tiny thumb in her mouth and slowly leans forward and rests her head on his chest. Billy looks up with wide eyes as you laugh a bit. You wipe away a few tears and nod your head. 

“She’s still sleepy.” you whisper. 

Billy looks to the crib and then back to you. 

“Should…Should I put her…down?” he asks, almost worried. 

“Do you want to put her down?” you ask quietly. 

Billy’s face softens as his hand begins rubbing tiny circles on her back. He gently shakes his head and smiles. 

“No.” he barely whispers. 

You bite your lip as you watch him begin rocking side to side with her still in his arms. He looks down at her tiny, chubby face and he can’t stop smiling. You’re taking in this sweet moment as One speaks up. 

“So, are doing this thing?” he asks in a hushed tone. 

You look over to him and remember that they’re supposed to be explaining all of this to you. 

“Yes,” you say. “Tell me… Tell me everything.” 

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[80s-roger]

Not On My Watch (part 4)

Pairing: Dad!Roger x Mum!Reader (mid-80s)

note: Sorry for waiting so long, my writing app wasn’t working properly, it wouldn’t save my draft, I had to re-write it. I also installed grammarly, but poor me, the free version isn’t enough and the premium kinda expensive. So here’s part four, there will be the next one soon, you’re not ready. also i have my birthday on monday so please give it some love and reblog it, comments will be appreciated.

summary: On this part, you get really close with Roger and narrate a great story from the past to your daughter Laura, which’s going to be continued on the next part :)

warnings: some dirty language somewhere hehe, but nothing uncomfortable.

word count: 3,155

part one // part two // part three //

also check: masterlist // dialogue-prompts 

taglist: @madeinheavxn @namelesslosers @stacymaytaylor​

(If you want to be tagged, ask me or send me a message)

Roger was on car with Laura, taking her back to his home. She didn’t know you were there.

"What do you mean daddy? An unusual surprise?" Laura asked as she got off her father's car. "You're not taking me to mum's home?" She added. "Nope, you'll see inside." He smiled at her and grabbed her hand, walking towards his front door. He slightly opened the door, checking if you're in the hallway or the living room. But you were nowhere to be seen. Laura seemed confused. "Let's go inside." He said, making way for her to get inside, ladies first. "Did you get me a puppy?" She excitedly remarked. She knows you don't like pets at home, so it's obvious she would want one at her father's place because he has a garden too. "A puppy?" His eyebrows narrowed. "Ah, no. You stay here, I'll tell you to come upstairs, though, when the surprise is here." He smiled at her before coming upstairs. "Fine, daddy, I'll wait here." She consented and approached the hanging records' certifications of each Queen album on the wall. She looked like a proud daughter. Roger quickly searched for your figure at his bedroom, thinking you might have finished your bath. But you weren't there. He didn't shout your name; Laura would possibly hear it and the surprise could be ruined. He opened the bathroom's door and saw you naked, at the procedure of wearing your towel. "Oh, fuck, I'm sorry, I thought you were still in the bath." He apologised and automatically closed his eyes, trying to respect your private time. "No, it's okay, besides, it's you." You giggled at his reaction. "Is Laura downstairs?" You turned to him after wearing the white towel around your body while your hair bun was finally loosened after drying your back. "Yes, I told her I have an unusual surprise for her. She has no idea you're here." He answered and closed the door behind him. "Aw, my baby..." you awed at the idea of her seeing you with her father while fixing yourself at the mirror. "But when will I go back home, Roger? I'm scared." You changed the topic, unable to forget what happened in the morning. "You won't go back home. You're with me now." He implored. "Woah, hold on, we are still divorced." You turned your body to him now. "Yeah, but it didn't count considering last night." He argued. "We didn't discuss it actually. I just apologised for my weird behaviour." You claimed yourself but your voice tone was getting kinda louder. "So you regretted it, didn't you?" He growled with his eyes getting wider from anger. "You felt guilty because R/N was your concern?" He asked trying to find his rights. "I didn't say I regret that. But it shouldn't have happened either..." you claimed, knowing already you're wrong. "Last night was perfect, I even asked you so many times if I should go on and you were all positive. What's going on now?" He was confused with your behaviour again but now he's unconfrontational enough to handle the situation well. "I know I did. But now you can't tell me I'm with you now. You know living together just doesn't work." Your tone was now lower than before, which is good. But you were tense. Both. "And with who are you now? That asshole beating you because you had sex with me? Make your mind and don't play me like a toy whenever you need it." He was pretty harsh to you now that a slap on his cheek was well deserved. "Don't talk about sex whenever you need it because you lose points there. Or shall I say gain?" You ironically raised your eyebrow, annoying the fuck out of him. "Ah don't refer my sleeping schedules when I'm on tour because I wasn't alone there." He asserted. "Oh, I'm sure. Three or more girls at your king-sized bed." You arrogantly rolled your eyes, turning your gaze back at the mirror. "I haven't fucked you against the wall for years, don't force me to do that now." His body dangerously approached yours, feeling the heat between you two burning your entire existence. You gotta admit you liked wall fucking. "Why? Are you too exhausted to fuck me against the wall?" You smiled as you challenged him on that. You wanted that like hell, but your kid downstairs might suspect anything. "What makes you think of that?" He smirked and pushed you against the wall, turning you around and now feeling his bulge pressing your butt. His hand moved in front of you, trying to rub your folds and give you an orgasm. His head was resting on your right shoulder, at the same side his hand was, giving you neck kisses and heavy breathings at your ear. "Not now." You moaned trying to pull your body away from his. "Laura is waiting downstairs, I have to get dressed." You bit your lower lip after turning around to face him. You baled out on Roger, now leading to his bedroom to find new clothes. But he followed you, feeling sure you would ask for help. "I don't have anything comfortable if you're searching for jeans or sportswear, but I can give you one of my t-shirts. They're large on you." he recommended. "That will do." You agreed, and he walked to his closet giving you one of his many solid shirts. "You don't have any casual underwear right? Just forgotten thongs?" You mocked his not-sleeping-alone habit. He grabbed one random shirt and threw it to you. "I'm afraid you don't wear these. They're not mum-friendly." He mocked you back after taking a couple of these out of the drawer showing them to you. Your ego was too high to play it innocent or uncomfortable. Besides, you've worn these at your early days when you and Roger used to date. He's seen you on these multiple times, what a time. "Who said that? Give it to me." You raised your brow at him, taking the black thong and wearing it under the shirt. He was positively shocked at your confidence. "Οh God, I thought you don't wear these anymore." he gasped at the fact you wore that provocative fabric. He couldn't wait to take it off you. "It's a fact; I don't wear them. But now that I'm here I had to provoke you a little." You smiled, leaning closer to him. Your hand pressed the tense part of his jeans, pressing him to endure. It's not hard, though. "You like being teased?" You asked. He nodded with eyes completely closed. "Too pity, I have to see my girl downstairs." You removed your hand from his bulge and his eyes opened again. As you walked towards the door, he stopped you. "I owe you a wall fucking, a teasing orgasm and what else?" He pretended he was thinking but knew what he was about to say. You were looking at him waiting to hear the last one. "Ah yes, a good fuck. You know?" he winked coming closer to your ear. "On four." He whispered and that got you wet."You like it, don't you?" He teased. "I do. But later." You licked your lower lip and left the room. Roger behind, smiled at the sight of you walking, wearing only a thong and a large shirt. You had to be careful with your moves, so Laura could not see a thing. "Wait, I'll go first." He stopped you and gave you a soft butt spank. "I'll cut your hands, Rog!" You jested him but you gained nothing but a fast kiss at your lips. "Yeah, I love you too." He joked and walked downstairs. "Hey, Laura!" Roger searched for your daughter in the living room. "Laura?" He asked again, looking for her everywhere on the ground floor. "Roger, where is she?" You low-key panicked. "I - I don't know, I left her right here." He pointed at the couch, where her bag was. "Oh, hold on." he considered where Laura could be. "What?" You asked, trying to calm down. "Thank God, there she is." He let a huge breath out, after making sure she was at the garden, smelling the flowers Freddie showed her the previous day. "You better stay with her the next time I'm dressing up after a bath and not attempt to finger fuck me instead." You seemed relieved after seeing her playing in the garden. "Noted." He agreed with your statement and continued staring at your kid. "Laura, look who's here!" He yelled at trying to catch her attention and eventually, after seeing you two together smiling she ran towards your place to hug you. "Mummy!" She was so happy to see you, her enormous hug, made you lose balance as you stood at her height. "What's going on?" She asked surprised, looking both of you. "What do you mean?" You asked as you looked at her blue eyes. "Last night dad stayed with us, he got me to school, picked me up from there, now you're at his home... Are you back together?" She questioned, wishing you guys are truly back. You didn't know what to say, so you looked at Roger. He looked thoughtful, but he had to say something real quick. "We're in good terms now." He kissed her cheek, and his hand was gently placed at your back. "But you'll have to stay with me now for a little." He added and looked both you and Laura. "Wow dad, this is like a dream!" She hugged him and you could tell she was the happiest you've ever seen her after the divorce. "But my stuff? I have to get my other books too... They're at home." She explained. "I'll go later with your mum to get them. We'll take you to John and Veronica to play with their kids, what do you say?" He playfully asked her and she got super excited. "Yes please! I only see Laura at school. It's unfair. We used to see each other more often." She jumped around and you laughed. Laura shares the same name as John's only daughter. So many boys for siblings, she doesn't have a girl company. "Nice then, I'll call John." He smiled and you all walked inside. "Laura, have you eaten?" You asked as you walked with her in the kitchen meanwhile Roger stayed in the living room to call his friend. "Hey, John." Roger said the second John picked up. "Hey Rog, what's up?" He said from the other side. "Hey, there's a couple of days that Y/N and I are getting along." He started. "Oh, that's great Roger! I know how terrible it was. It's good that you're good now. So?" He asked waiting for Roger's request. "So um, she is at my place because she had some issues with the man she dated and I really need, you and Veronica to accommodate our little Laura for tonight. I'll make sure to bring her everything she needs." Roger made sure you were busy in the kitchen so you wouldn't hear a thing. "Say no more fam. I got you. Veronica will give our kids a ride at school." John immediately accepted.

"Thanks a lot, pal, next pack of cigarettes are on me." Roger joked and John laughed.

"Just don't forget tomorrow's recording. Freddie will kill you." John reminded.

"Ah, he'll understand." Roger giggled. "So I'll see you in the afternoon."

"Yeap, bye."

He hung up and walked to the kitchen, where Laura and you kept each other company. You were about to put the spaghetti into the pot with the boiled water. "So is he good-looking?" you asked Laura who was busy stirring the ingredients for the sauce.

"Mum, he's handsome!" She disclosed in a cute way, feeling proud of her for revealing her first crush to you.

"Who's handsome?" Roger raised his brow to Laura but she didn't seem to bother. "Me?" He joked and sat at the chair. "We have been knowing." He added and you burst out laughing. "What? Do you doubt my beauty?" He pretended to receive an insult in a humorous way.

"No, I doubt your narcissism. It just got out of hand." You laughed again.

"So? What's the big fuss about, young lady?" he turned to Laura who was laughing too.

"It's about my classmate, Dylan. I like him." She said to Roger about the boy she likes.

"I need to see Dylan if you want my approval." He acted like the protective dad he is.

"Ah, come on dad! I can handle it myself." She answered, showing to both Roger and you how responsible she is.

"That's my girl." He rewarded her with a kiss at her forehead. "Do you guys talk?" he asked.

"No, we just exchange looks." He moved your shoulders in disappointment.

"Don't worry baby, you can talk to him, this is how you make new friends. And boyfriends." You winked at the end of your sentence.

"Mum, how did you meet dad?" She asked waiting for your story.

"Does this have to do with Dylan?" You laughed.

"No, it has to do with you." She pointed at Roger and you.

Flashback

"For fuck's sake, I told you I'm not interested." You tried to refuse your roommate's suggestion of seeing the newly formed band Queen.

"Why? Come on! Brian's playing the guitar! I like this guy, oh, come on!"  your friend, Kath, begged you to come to the gig. At the time you were studying with her physics and it happens to listen to Queen for the first time ever. You've heard of them here and there but you weren't into their music.

"Fine, but you'll get me a beer." you finally accepted.

"Yeah, fine, let's go now! They're starting now!" She grabbed you by your arm, rushing to the big pub at the corner.

You walked through the crowd, cigarettes and smoke broke your nose. You hated that smell but you wanted to do your friend's favour. "Here, take my money and get yourself a beer, I'll be at the front of the stage." You lost her as she was trying to reach the stage. You were nervous, you were alone in the pub, knowing no one and definitely being out of your comfort zone. "Ah fuck, why did I agree on this." You murmured to yourself before asking the barman for a cold beer.

"First time here? I've never seen you here." A raspy voice next to you, made you tremble, afraid of any possible fuck-boy trying to flirt with you. You didn't like those boys. All about sex and cigarettes. You had to turn around and be kind.

"Yes, my friend waits for me." You didn't want to talk to him, he seemed like another fuck-boy of his generation. The bar-man was still busy fixing drinks for other students so you had to talk to the man next to you.

"Oh, who's she? I might have slept with her." He laughed at his own narcissistic joke. You looked at him, being super confident, blue eyes, blond hair, an angel. But there was a devil between his tight leather black jeans, trying to get in your pants.

"She doesn't sleep with people your kind." You turned your eyes at the man behind the counter who was available now to get your order. "A cold beer please." You ignored the man's blue eyes next to you, as hard as it seems. He was impressed by your attitude. Girls don't resist his flirty eyes and attitude. He had to try harder. At your attempt paying for your beer, the young man next to you stopped you.

"It's my treat." he gave the money while staring at you. "I'm Roger." He asked for a handshake as he introduced himself.

"Y/N." You accepted the handshake indifferently. "But you didn't have to pay for my beer. It was already a treat." You explained shrugging your shoulders.

"You have a boyfriend?" He asked completely interested, hoping you were single. And you were.

"What's it to you? You're not getting into my panties anyway." You felt uncomfortable with his question so you left, leaving him behind, trying to find your friend.

"Hey what took you so long?" Kath grabbed your hand, pulling you next to her. She was waiting for the band to appear.

"Ehm, nothing, just a lot of people were ordering." You excused yourself and sipped of your cold beverage. "Oh here are your money." You gave her a twenty back and looked at you surprised.

"Who paid for your drink?" She asked smiling widely.

"A guy was trying to flirt with me." You started.

"Which guy, show him to me." she was searching for the guy you were trying to target in the crowd but it was pointless. He wasn't in the crowd.

Queen was on stage now. "Fuck! Brian's on stage, oh God, he's so handsome!" She fangirled as he was wearing the guitar's neckband. "Hi Brian!" She loudly greeted him and the curly-haired man, greeted back. You had no idea what on the earth was going on, until the man you earlier met was the drummer of Queen.

"What the fuck, that's the man who paid for my beer." You said at Kath's ear and you could do nothing but gawk at him. He did felt someone was looking at him persistently so at that second he locked eyes with you. He smirked at you being shocked.

"Hello everyone, this is Queen, welcome to our small gig tonight, I'm Brian," the crowd greeted him politely. "This is Freddie we all know," Everyone lost it when he moved forward to present himself. What a fabulous persona, you thought. "This is our bassist, Deacon John," John shyly greeted the crowd and now it was "And this is Roger, you all know and like." Brian commented and laughed. People around you, especially women went nuts for him, they're acting so thirsty. Oh God, you thought. A confirmed fuck-boy.

"I can't believe you're Roger's next target!" Kath whispered at your ear, when all three looked at each other.

"Target? Excuse me?" You asked offended. "Do I look like I'm an easy lay?" You asked.

"Of course not, you're a virgin aren't you?" She joked, trying not to be heard to the others.

"Of course I am, but I'm not giving it to someone who would leave me the other day." You snapped. But deep inside you had to admit how gorgeous he was. You would give him a chance but you were scared he'd break your heart.

Flashback ended.

"So you met dad at university?" She asked confused, you obviously didn't reveal the things you and your friend said later but the summary of it.

"I was at the university, dad was playing with the band at the pub near the campus. He quitted dentistry to focus on music." You explained.

"We were newly formed back at the days." Roger added.

"Oh and how did you approach her?" She asked slightly confused. She was lost on your words when you were narrating.

"I paid for her beer but she was too picky. I wasn't her type." He laughed in awe while looking at you. "I thought it was a wasted flirt." he continued.

"Eventually it wasn't, we know each other for so many years, we got married, we have you now." You kissed her cheek. However, you avoided saying that Roger and you divorced.