#and i want to post stuff chronologically!!! so i need to actually write the third arc 😒

[tales-of-green-hill]

Jet and Wave!!

Jet is as pretty charismatic guy and a lot of people around the school like him. People think he's so cool!! But he's also an idiot. He and Sonic have an odd dynamic where they're not exactly rivals but not really friends either. Jet thinks Sonic is cool and thinks they're friends. Jet gets under Sonic's skin a LOT, and Sonic is like "Ugh, he's so cool >:/"

Wave is ambiverted, and she'd usually rather have the company of her own thoughts and work over most people, but she can be social. She's the head of the robotics club, so Tails and her interact. Tails is the only middle schooler in the club, so Wave is more interested in how capable Tails is for his age (and she's surprised knowing he's actually younger than she thought! 11 instead of 13)

(There's a strong chance I might actually retcon all of this for story reasons, but if I do, they'll be pretty important to the end of the story, but only for an arc)

[prima-materia-ttrpg]

It Begins / How do I introduce over six months of development in a single post?

Salutations, I'm a gay nerd and I wanted to make a fantasy ttrpg with a setting that panders to myself and anyone else who might have my taste so here we are :)

The ttrpg in question is Prima Materia, and I've been working on it for a while and making ok progress so I figure I should probably start a devblog (that's what this is) so I can finally start sharing it rather than keeping the entire project within my own circle of friends, never seeing the light of day beyond that. Particularly because I'm finally playtesting some aspects and want to actually release it into the wild someday so people can share and play it as they please.

Ah, so you've clicked the keep reading link? OHOHO you fool I shall unleash an infodump of epic proportions onto ye!

*checks notes*

Right I should probably introduce this project in more depth and explain how I got to this point, and why I'm working on it in the first place. A chronological account should suffice.

Back in the days of yore (2020) when I was getting into ttrpgs for what would become the third time I had first gotten into them (previous times don't count), I was trying to create a setting for DND so I could become a DM for the first time, fueled by the disappointment that every other game I'd been a player in ended after about 2 sessions max. Making an entire setting is of course not recommended for first time DMs, particularly ones that ever want to play the game, but of course this did not dissuade me for I am built different [incorrectly].

I built a tidally locked planet for that campaign, filled it with lore and towns and cities and an apocalypse that happened some time in the past. All was well, and the campaign lasted about a year before the holiday season came and caused it to dissipate. Reduced to atoms. By that point I had been homebrewing creatures and items for my homebrewed setting, including new playable species and subclasses. Homebrew is like a glue trap, and brother, I'm a dead rat.

After that campaign ended the OGL scandal hit (among many other things I won't go into depth about) and I saw the need to create for myself a place where I can always and forever write fun stuff to share with others, in a system that I have control over. After all, integrating the system and the setting, building them explicitly to serve each other, would allow for much more creativity.

That setting still exists on my hard drive, and while I do import some of my original work for it into Prima Materia's setting from time to time, it is dead and shall remain dead until such a time I can completely re-write it to make sense in Prima Materia. But it's so ingrained with DNDs lore that it honestly would be more like an homage to the original campaign I had with my friends.

So, I got to work. I started, of course, with watching a million videos on the subject of making a ttrpg and not actually writing anything down. But eventually, an eternity later, I was ready. I started doing some science-adjacent worldbuilding to build the initial planet for the setting, in which the initial setting would be. I created continents that looked mildly plausible, charted out ocean gyres, wind patterns, and finally climates. This continued for a while, and I made the playable species and started figuring out where on the continents they would have evolved so I could figure out what their cultures would eventually be in the modern day after 10,000 years of history.

In short, I had worldbuilder's disease; and while I did make some decent progress on mechanics like dice rolling, some combat, skills, attributes and stats, it started coming to a head when I convinced myself that I needed to make a minimum of five conlangs in order to name seven continents (and various cities).

Enter stage left, one of my friends who thinks my project is cool but recognizes that I am not getting much done. This friend, Spinz (who I hear has their own project coming down the pipeline by the way >w>), has become my Screamer of Tasks and is reminding me of the important things to focus on to actually make the ttrpg a reality some time in this millennium. Thanks to their help, I've been able to get to the stage where I am able to inflict my project onto my friends so that I may playtest mechanics and generally have an otherwise fun time with them.

So what actually is the setting? That seems like a lot of buildup and waffling.

True! I felt it was important to explain where the project is coming from. As for the setting itself, I don't think I can do better than the introduction I already wrote for it in the PDF. So here's that.

After several hundreds of trillions of years the last known natural stars in the universe began to die, heralding the end of the stelleriferous period and the start of a new age full of the neutron cores and black holes they left behind. But the gods this universe spawned would not let their mother die so soon. They created new stars fueled by their own Prima Materia, the building block from which all other substance comes; a pure marriage between matter, energy, time, and thought through which the manipulation and creation of physics itself is possible.

The gods created massive bodies for themselves in orbit around their stars. Some fell into a deep sleep, some are content to watch as the eons of time give way to the fruits of their labor. Others still engage in grandiose projects of a more personal nature. But they all continue the work which allows for life to once again evolve in the small pockets of the universe which now continue to defy entropy, a constant stream of Prima Materia flowing from their bodies into the stars that they orbit. Some day, they too will reach the stars.

But that's old news, and there are none left alive to remember it but the gods themselves. In the world of Prima Materia, you play as a relatively normal sapient creature in a smaller corner of reality that has much smaller problems to contend with. Brigands, societal clashes, ancient ruins, dragons, and the wayward extra-universal threat to the planet. Many societies have also been able to harness certain powers of now free-floating Prima Materia through a process often known as "Alchemy." Alchemy, an involved study which requires just as much craftsmanship as it does ingenuity, has opened up an entirely new science for societies to develop in this age of the universe.

Who will you be? What legends will be written in your name?

There are several playable species in the setting, all of which have various distinct cultures. Koura, which are basically giant lobsters; Sepia, which are basically giant Cuttlefish; Humans, which are basically giant chimpanzees; Entari, which are strange bird pterodactyl things with feathers (they're hard to explain but I will get art I promise); Xente, which are basically giant amoeba (ones that can change their shape to be humanoid of course, what even would be the point if they couldn't); Possum, which are basically... bipedal possums and Ternaki which are basically short technicolor space elves (They believe in God). All of these species will get their very own blog post of course, but this post is hugely long and I'm getting worried about people getting bored so that's all for now.

In the future blog posts won't be this long I promise (hopefully) and they'll be a lot more focused on one thing. This blog is meant to record the development process, write down a lot of worldbuilding that has lived only in my head for too long, and link to playtests.

If you made it this far, holy crap you read a lot of my shenanigans thank you for your time I am indebted to you, truly. The next post will be about Dice Mechanics. Bye.

P.S. If you want to ask questions about Prima Materia (or me) you can send me an ask on my main blog @girlcodedcreature

[leefi]

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere Read-through | Part 1: Chapters 1-14

Part 1: 1-14 | Part 2: 14-22 | Part 3: 22-34 | Part 4: 34-64 | Part 5: 64-80 | Part 6: 81-90 | Part 7: 90-100 | Part 8: 100-127 (caught up here)

Hi!!!! I've been reading through this webnovel after seeing @ot3's pitch for it and started writing down some thoughts on the characters and worldbuilding and imminent murdering. This story is very, very long and I only reacted up to about chapter 33, so most of my thoughts will involve the worldbuilding and less the murder mystery aspect -- so if you're looking for theorizing you won't find much of that here. Since I'll be continuing eventually, I wanted to post what I did make note of to revisit later!

Most of these are not marked by chapter/section because I was lazy and I'm not sure how easy it will be to follow as a result, but everything is chronological.

everyone here is hijabi mashallah

The visual I'm getting of the solar system/local system/dimension they inhabit is kind of a blend of steampunk and fantasy and uhh some secret third thing. With the walls of their "universe" painted in that puella dollhouse witch lair style. Does the sun bounce around like a screensaver. Does it orbit their earth or is it on a fixed axis flung out into “space”? Does “space” even exist anymore? I’m assuming they’re in an enclosed area that they've created. Do they actively use arcane resources to keep objects (ie star and planets) sustaining themselves, or have they made them self sufficient?

everyone is so mean to Ptolema leave her alone what the fuckk let a bimbo live i want to kill you all you’re so annoying. Ptolema I WOULD be your friend and not ask all these weird ass questions. and we would hold hands and skip and giggle

Yes shes an airhead nepo baby but you guys could try doing anything other than snickering and rolling your eyes whenever she says stupid shit. If she starts arguing back about government war crimes during the Revolution or something then you have my blessing to beat her ass!

I HATE kamsurepa i HATE her i HAYE Her and her stupid ass name

Ran and Su have no chemistry its insane that theyre always hanging out every conversation is like uhhh (awkward silence) (rude comment from Ran) *Su voice* wow she gets me so well. every time they talk im like what the fuck just happened.

Su’s internal narration is too self aware for me. it’s like she talks like she knows she’s a character? or something. it's self-deprecating in a very bizarre way

im sorry i don’t know if i can continue with this. i know too many med students irl and these characters are literally pissing me off. compliments to the author for realism you knocked it out of the park

Oh, thank you very much!" Kam said, reverting back to her smiley-diplomatic form for a moment before stepping away from the counter and continuing as she handed us the cards. "...as far as it seems to me, the desire to reproduce is essentially an immature form of pursuing life-extension - this idea that you'll 'live on through your children' that's patently pseudo-mysticism justifying what is ultimately an animal instinct." ⬇️ I’m going to grab her ginger head and swing her around like bowser in mario 64. SHUT UPPPPP SHUT UP please tell me shes the one that dies

You know," I mused idly, my eyes wandering. "I think this is actually the fourth glass ceiling I've seen today." "Mm, it's true that you don't see a lot of women working in Aetheromancy," ⬇️ I know this is a small nitpick but aren’t we really far into the future why do they keep using terms like this 😭 gendered stuff like this still exists billions? trillions? of years into the future?

Why has the disco elysium skill tree randomly started talking to su. Is this her future self nagging her. Is she pulling a han sooyoung. when do we get to the various utsushikome ego deaths

"prosognostic overlap"…do ppl repeat faces? Are most people cloned at this point? What triggered the need for cloning surely medicine is advanced enough that childbirth or test tube babies are feasible? Can bodies be cloned and reinhabited to inhibit aging? Is there some disturbing psychological element to seeing someone with the same face as you? Does it make your brain short circuit? Kam mentioned having children earlier which I assume means people still give birth or have test tube babies, so i don’t know if it’s the result of cloning…but it does sound like a sameface sort of thing. What else would it be if not that though?

Actually, if they’ve figured out teleportation (whatever it was called when they went up the aetherbridge) - let's say they can atomize a body and reforming it elsewhere (though we don't know for sure yet, could also be a fold in spacetime) - transferring consciousness to an empty clone of yourself (and therefore effectively doing away with aging or death wholesale) sounds a lot more efficient and technologically practical than maintaining an organic system that naturally decays. Why keep on finding ways to push the human body past its limits when you could simply transfer a person to a new, identical vessel?

I feel like the key to immortality isn’t maintaining an organic body, which naturally tends towards systems of entropy (being a biological thing, entropy=decay), but rather delineating and separating human consciousness from its host and replicating its original environment perfectly. I’m not talking about making a copy of consciousness, which is just glorified cloning - I’m talking about *transferring* a consciousness.

You could almost call dementia itself the mind's tendency towards its own kind of entropy?

Though if you transfer a consciousness to a younger body, the dementia issue could still potentially remain. Depends on if it the author sees it as a solely physical phenomena (atrophy/buildup of inhibitors of the brain) or there's some metaphysical anomaly about amassing too many memories/"existing" too long in general

The way spellwork is described is really cool and feels super believable. Optimizing multiple concurrent spells into one “function” is intricate and sophisticated, and you have to dedicate a lot of brainpower to doing the math in your head. It’s like they’re coding the real world. I love the way lurina describes this it's awesome.

[altair-observatory]

Hi !

This is an informational message, in addition of being the first post ever in here.

The name's Altaïr. It's a pen name but whatever, really.

I frequently write a lot of stuff in my spare time, so i decided to create this blog in order to publish some of them.

Most of the texts are going to be in french because it's my native language and that i prefer my french writing than my english one. Though, the other posts and stuff will probably be in english because idk i'm used to it on the internet.

Depending on the texts i may rarely vary the pronouns i use and the way i talk for personnal reasons, but if you want to refer to me, the writer, then use she/her pronouns. Just know that no, i don't have DID, neither do i ever want to fake anything.

I'm probably going to develop an aesthetic on this blog, while also developping some other things. Don't count to much on it, i don't really know where i'm going with this one, it's the third try for an actual blog so i hope this one will at least last a bit.

Some texts might be poorly written, and maybe have some language mistakes in it. Some are already a few years old so my writing improved, and will improve, so don't take accountance of it. If you really need to, feel free to point my mistakes out, at least it may help me and people to avoid it next time.

Also i may not agree with everything i wrote, 'cause again i grew up since my first words. The first few texts aren't in chronologic order, just so you know. To be honest i don't even know if i'm able the sort them anyway.

I may also post old texts later, 'cause for some i didn't feel like i could really show them, or sometimes just finding it irrelevant.

Anyway enjoy being in here <3

[aerialworms]

Thanks for the WIP meme tag! Can I ask for more details about Boldly Go, please? 👀

Absolutely, thank you for asking!!!

Boldy Go is the first fic I wrote in my Destiel Star Trek fusion AU, Tales From the USS Impala. It's a PWP where Dean (First Officer) notices Cas (half-Vulcan Captain) has been getting real stressed and is taking it out on the crew, so he suggests they sleep together as stress relief (and totally not cause he has a crush on his captain or anything, no, he just respects his uh. professionalism.) Cas sees this as a logical arrangement to meet both of their needs, and doesn't read any emotion into it, leaving Dean confused and a little hurt at the end when he treats it like a one-night stand.

What was difficult to write about it is that I wrote it from Cas' POV (in third person, but following Cas), and trying to write smut while using the voice of someone who a) is unfamiliar with human expressions and emotions, and b) would not know 'sexy-sounding' words for genitals etc was incredibly hard (pun intended). Mad respect to K/S shippers who write from Spock's POV! I think I pulled it off, though. I did try writing it from Dean's POV, but I found getting into Cas' head and observing Dean's behaviour from his alien point of view was way more interesting to me, if more difficult to get right. Plus, from Dean's POV Cas came off as detached and cold, but I wanted to show that despite his mask of emotionlessness he feels deeply, just like Spock.

That said, I might rewrite it once I've written the first (chronologically) fic in the series. I'm wary of changing their characters in the prequel to this, so I want to have that drafted before I edit this one and the third in the series, since how they meet/interact in the prequel will inform their characterization later on. We'll see!

Also, fun fact: Boldly Go is a working title, shorthand in my WIP folder for To Boldly Come (Where No Man Has Come Before). There's a good chance I'll just publish it under that name, since I can't think of a better one 😁

Some behind the scenes stuff: I wrote this fic at the start of NaNoWriMo last year, after saying I was going to spend November finishing my other WIPs. I'd just started watching Star Trek and absolutely loved the Kirk/Spock dynamic and thought it mapped well onto Dean/Cas. So naturally, instead of working on any of my other fics, my brain latched onto the AU and made me write it. It was just supposed to be a oneshot (And then I was totally gonna go work on my WIPs!), but then I kept thinking of more and more fic ideas for this fusion AU, and I wanted to tell the story of how they met (A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be Just As Annoying), then have some angsty getting together (The Law of Possession), because after Boldly Go, they become friends with benefits and they both catch feelings, although neither of them talk about it properly cause they're repressed idiots (affectionate), and, and, and ---

I ended up with 13 fic ideas for this universe.

None of my other WIPs got finished.

So!

I hope to actually start posting this series soon, since I fixed a plot problem in A Rose and can now bash out a first draft. There's plenty of stuff in my head and on paper, I just gotta keep at it!

[notepadsandtealeaves]

Tetsurou Kuroo || Kiss Kiss, Fall in Love 🍃

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT || 18+ ONLY ||

|| ao3 version | series m.list | hq tag | main blog ||

If ever two were one, then surely we. –To My Dear and Loving Husband || A. Bradstreet

🍃 A love story as told through kisses…

↠ Requested By: Nobody, I just had an ~i d e a~, Mr. Krabs ↠ Reader Gender: Neutral ↠ Content Type: SFW quip-y floof with a dash of angst for flavor lol ((but my blog’s 18+; if minors want to consume my sfw stuff while still respecting my wishes of them staying out of this space, they can head over to my AO3)) ↠ Chronology: Pre and post time skip. ↠ CWs/TWs: As I’ve said before, Tetsuro Kuroo is his own warning tbh lmao. But he cute so we’ll let it slide. Aside from that, that dash of angst that I mentioned before comes in the form of allusions to pre-time skip Kuroo’s rocky home life. I don’t go super into detail, but it does get touched on in the second and third sections; there’ll be a more in depth note before said sections. Also the general stresses that come with being a third year are touched on in the second section. ↠ Betas? Nah, we good. ((we are indeed, not ‘good’, but I’m too lazy/weird to actually work with a beta lol)) ↠ Total WC: 6k~

Inspired in part by my girl Zaira (@screamin-abt-haikyuu)’s post and my corresponding review. It’s a v. cute, fun read (tho it does start off with some angst, but it gets cleared up in short order, promise!!)—I highly recommend both her and her work, tho y’all probably know that already lol. It was definitely the kick I needed to get this installment started…

So once again I may have gotten a bit carried away with the First Kiss section—and by ‘may have’ I mean I definitely did, but it’s not my fault! With this being my first time writing for our dear chemistry rooster I’m still gathering my thoughts/HCs about him and how a relationship with him would function so things are naturally a bit more wordy. Plus I’ve found that I really like writing banter with him because you just know he’d match you word for witty, quip-y word and I love that type of energy.

But anyways!

Actually there isn’t really an ‘anyways’ this time around, so uhh, have at it ig lol…

First Kiss 🍃 Partners, in Crime and Otherwise || WC: 3.2k~

CW/TW for one very brief mention of Reader’s questionable sleeping/eating habits—as in they forget to eat, esp. when stressed, and sleep in regular intervals in v. much a foreign concept to them ((me, projecting? it’s about as likely as you think lol)).

“Hey, ____, can I uh, can I talk to you for a minute, babe?”

Ignoring the butterflies that immediately set themselves to fluttering in your tummy at the casual use of the petname, you give Kuroo a smile and a nod before excusing yourself from the group. Several of your friends give you knowing, overly amused looks that you also chose to ignore, opting instead to take the hand that’s offered to you.

As Tetsurou leads you away to somewhere more private, you focus on keeping your steps measured as the last thing you want is to trip over your own feet in front of your overly teasing best friend turned crush. You just know that he’d end up making a quip—“Can’t stop yourself for falling for me, eh?” or something else equally cheesy—that’ll send your heart and mind both into overdrive even as the former shatters just that little bit more.

You wish he meant all of the sweet little things he says to you, that his flirtation could be something more than banter, but you know that’s not in the cards for you. You’ve never been one for the whole ‘friendzone’ thing, as people are not vending machines that you put friendship coins into until a romantic relationship falls out, but at the same time you cannot help but to feel like a citizen all the same. And that’s just fine! Really. It’s not as if Kuroo owes you anything, least of all his affections, but…

Well that doesn’t stop you from craving them. And honestly how can you not, when he’s so damn amazing?

For all his teasing he’s so very kind, looking out for the whole of his team and all of his friends with a level of attention that would leave so many others burnt out. But for Kuroo it isn’t a burdensome task, or at least not one that’s too great for his broad shoulders to bear; it’s just a part of the way he’s built. And when it comes to you specifically he’s always so gentle, even when he’s getting after you in one way or another. He knows you better than you know yourself some days, and he’s always there to fill in the spaces where you’re lacking. He’s sensitive to your every mood and very much in tune with you as a whole, so much so that it almost gives you hope–

But no. There’s no point in chasing a sun that has already set.

If Kuroo wanted to be with you he would’ve made a move by now, surely. In all the time you’ve known him he’s never once shown any real interest in you in that way, not even when various classmates had come to confess to you—in fact he encouraged you to say yes on several occasions! That is decidedly not the behavior of a guy who’s harboring feelings for you. But despite all this you still want to believe that there’s something more there so badly, and Kuroo with all of his (somewhat questionable) charms doesn’t help matters.

The sweet little names he’s always calling you are the worst perpetrators and perpetrators of your foolish hopes. Babe, baby, honey, sweetheart, my little quark (that one’s admittedly a lot-a-bit nerdy, but it leaves your cheeks burning just the same, and is honestly among your favorites)—the list goes on and on and on. You know you should tell him to lay off, but there’s a part of you (that greedy, selfish, mildly masochistic part that’s all too willing to latch on to even the smallest scraps of affection) that cannot do without it. And so you allow him to unwittingly cut into your chest with every word, to peel back the layers of skin and muscle and bone with each new display of care to toy with your heart.

But it won’t do you any good to focus on any of that, ever, really, but especially right now when he’s clearly got something important to tell you.

When you finally stop walking you find that you’re on the very edges of the school’s grounds. The pair of you often come up here when you want to get away from the rest of your friends and just breathe a bit. Lately it’s become a weekly occurrence, with every Wednesday seeing you both making your way to this towering tree to share lunch.

“The third year slump is real,” he had told you with a tired laugh from where he rested his head in your lap, his feline eyes reduced to mere slits thanks to the way your fingers moved against his scalp. “Honestly, I don’t think I’d be able to make it through the week, never mind the whole of the school year if I didn’t get to recharge with you like this, so… Let’s make it a thing, yeah?”

And of course your silly, lovesick self was quick to agree.

That had been nearly two months ago now, but the memory plays with stunning clarity in your mind’s eye. In the now, Tetsurou gives your hand a little tug as he urges you to sit beside him. Gentleman that he is, he’s already spread out his jacket to give you a cleaner option for seating—“But of course my lap is always open to you, cutie.”

Your response comes in the form of an eye roll as you gracelessly flop down next to him. “So you wanted to talk, nerd?”

“You’d better be glad I know love you me or else that shit would hurt.”

You can feel your face heat a bit at his words, and you find yourself willing him to go on with a groan of his name.

“My little tsun-tsun,” he laughs as he pokes at one of your cheeks, though the sound is a bit strained. “That’s um, actually why I wanted to talk to you though.

“Okay, so,” he starts after a deep breath. “I… Man, this is harder than I thought– Heh, um. You, erm, you like me, right?”

You blink dumbly at that. “What? Of course I do, we’re best friends–”

“We’re more than that, ____, and you know it.”

“…I do?”

“Well I would hope so—we’ve been dating for almost two months now… Haven’t we?”

His voice loses a bit of its annoyance and all of its surety as he takes in the thorough confusion and extreme shock that are both fighting for dominance in your expression. He stares at you for a long moment and for the first time you find yourself able to hold the hazel of his gaze without any problems, too stunned to drop your eyes as you normally would. Kuroo’s own eyes twitch, followed soon after by the pouting of his mouth and a crinkle of his nose (It’s so cute, why is he so cute??), before the whole of his handsome face contorts itself into a grimace as he allows his head to fall back against the tree’s trunk with a heavy sigh.

“Shit. I cannot believe Kenma was right.”

“…About?”

“This, us—you not knowing…”

“That we’re supposedly dating.”

“Yup.”

He lolls his head towards you then with an unreadable expression. Those sharp, all-seeing eyes rake over your face, clearly searching for something, before he turns back towards the horizon. You try to will him to look at you again with your own probing stare, but he refuses the bait and now it’s your turn to sigh out your frustrations.

“I, uh, yeaaah… Gotta be real with you, Tetsu, I’m pretty much lost here,” you tell him. “When did this even happen? We’ve never been on a date as far as I know—hell, you haven’t even asked me out–”

Apparently that’s enough to finally get him to look at you again.

His indignant sputtering of “I– Wha? Yes I did!” leaves you rolling your eyes as you give back an equally impassioned “When?!”

“Damn near two months ago to the day!” He sits up straight now, leaning towards you in his excitement and damn near looming over you as a result. Were he anyone but who he is to you you’d probably be intimidated by the action, but as it stands you just cock a brow at him as you wait for him to explain himself.

“Remember when we had that really special lunch, and-and I confessed—or at least I thought I did—and you agreed! Did you really not know? Was I not clear enough?”

You try to remember the day in question only to find that it’s the very one you’d been thinking about just minutes before. You quickly run through the whole of your interactions—a thing that’s far too easy to do given how your brain apparently sees fit to catalog and preserve damn near every second that you spend with this boy—in an attempt to figure out when exactly he confessed, though nothing there screams ‘I like you, please be mine’.

In fact the only thing that really stands out is– Wait.

“Keep being my partner in crime?” “Yeah, Tetsu, of course—always.”

“That was you confessing?”

“Well, yeah…”

His voice has gone sheepish in a way that you’re not used to hearing from him—in fact the whole of his countenance is shot through with nerves, and were you not so caught up in your own incredulity you would’ve thoroughly enjoyed not being the one on their back foot for once. But as it stands you just drop your head down into your palms with a groaned out laugh.

“So all those study dates–?”

“Actual dates, yeah. I wanted to take you out to do something a bit more romantic, but with midterms coming up and things with our clubs piling on—well, I couldn’t let our grades suffer, yanno?”

You nod a bit at that. Putting grades before fun is very much a Tetsurou Kuroo thing. “And Wednesdays–”

“Our standing lunch dates.”

“Guess this also explains why you’ve gotten even more annoying about my sleep schedule and eating habits.”

“Well I gotta make sure my baby stays healthy! You’re always forgetting to eat, and it only gets worse when you’re stressed,” he reminds you. “And honestly even if we weren’t a thing, your hydration levels and sleeping habits are still atrocious.”

Well, he’s got you there.

“And the flirting?”

“That’s always been real, from the very start,” he admits. “I’ve kinda had a thing for you from day one.”

His words are equal parts validating and exciting, and the heady mixture leaves you spinning, just a bit, as you mutter out a quiet, “I, um, same.”

His lips pull off into that smirk that you love to hate as he teasingly nudges your arm. “Figured as much. I mean, it’s not like you’re out here making bentos and fetching forgotten water bottles and cheering yourself into laryngitis for just anybody.”

Way to make me sound like a Stage 3 Simp. (Not that you’re not, mind, but still.) Aloud, “That was one time, and it wasn’t my fault—that match was intense!” you grumble with a laugh. “But no, no I’m not. Just like you’re not out here taking extra notes and incessantly flirting and making dates that aren’t dates with just anybody.”

“No,” he parrots with a grin, “no I am not.”

The pair of you fall silent for a beat before the ridiculousness of the situation hits you in full. You cling to one another helplessly as you laugh—long, loud, and hard—before settling into your shared embrace. It should feel a bit odd, you think, being cuddled up with him like this. Despite how close the pair of you are, Tetsurou’s always been very respectful about the way he touches you. Was what you had assumed to be his way of keeping things platonic actually his not wanting to potentially give away his secret before he was ready to?

Yeah, probably, you silently decide when he presses you in more closely to his side with a contented sigh.

“I kinda feel like I should apologize,” you tell him once you’ve settle more fully into his embrace.

He stirs a bit at that, golden eyes finding yours as he lets out a confused hum. “Why?”

“Because I must’ve seemed like the world’s worst partner,” you reply, laughing a bit.

“Ah. Yeah, well…” He shrugs before leaning his head against yours. “I honestly thought that you were maybe regretting saying yes. You didn’t really act any differently—not that I was expecting a huge change considering how close we already are, but… I dunno, you just didn’t seem interested in getting to know me on that level. And you never initiated anything, uh, physical. Not that I was expecting anything like, yanno, that!” he quickly amends. “It’s just, I thought you’d at least want to hold my hand or something, but… It had me wondering if maybe I just didn’t do it for you, you know… looks-wise.”

You have to choke out a laugh at that. Tetsurou Kuroo is unfairly handsome and he damn well knows it, has even used it to his advantage on occasion—the time that he charmed a free scone out of that barista when he was too broke to actually buy himself one comes to mind, and that’s saying nothing of the fact that he’s never paid a late fee at the library, despite the fact that he never turns his books in on time—so to see him doubt this is absolutely unreal, and not in a good way. Not liking the feelings fueling the unsure quality of his voice, or the way it all makes your heart seize, you steel yourself to say something you know you probably—no, definitely—will get teased for later (and by ‘later’ you mean less than a minute after you say it).

“I’m only gonna say this once if for no other reason than I don’t need your ego getting any bigger than it already is, but… You are very much so my type, looks and all, so yeah. That’s uh, that’s out there now, so no doubts, okay?”

The same intense flush that you can feel heating the whole of your face spreads across the planes of his own to stain his cheeks with rosedust as you speak, but this sweet display doesn’t last for long, unsurprisingly. The shy smile that he’d been giving you at first slowly sharpens until it’s a full on shit-eating grin.

“‘Very much so your type’, huh? Prove it then.”

Oh no. You know that tone. He’s about to say something that’s gonna leave you wanting to dome him while somehow simultaneously dissolving into the ether.

You don’t want to ask, probably shouldn’t for the sake of your sanity, but—“…How?”

“Kiss me.”

Yup, there it is.

His expression’s so fucking smug that you don’t want to give in on principle, but goddamn if he doesn’t wear the look well…

As you continue to weigh the pros against the cons of conceding, Tetsurou’s confidence begins to falter again, with his smirk drooping as he rubs nervously at the back of his neck. “Hey, look, if you don’t want to, that’s cool! I was mostly joking anyways, like at least ninety-seven percent jo–”

You cut off the rest of the sentence with a press of your lips to his cheek. “No doubts, remember?” you gently chide as you urge him to turn his head towards you fully.

“No doubts,” he repeats, nodding a bit dumbly as if he hadn’t actually expected you to act. He smiles then, soft and sweet, as he leans in closer. His nose brushes alongside yours once, twice, and then he’s finally kissing you properly.

That first press of his lips is a tentative thing, so much so that it would almost seem teasing if it wasn’t so obvious that he was nervous. But nerves soon turn into excitement, desperation, action. You know for a fact that you’re not the first person that Tetsurou’s ever kissed, and it shows in this moment. His hands cradle you expertly, guiding your head and the rest of your body as needed until you’re kissing one another as if you were created for no other purpose.

Once you’re finally forced to part you find that he’s maneuvered you onto his lap and isn’t at all keen on letting you go—not that you really want to move, of course, though the positioning does leave you ducking your head down a bit in embarrassment. And with your boyfriend (of two months now, apparently) being who he is, he cannot help but to pick with you a bit.

“Tetsu, baby, stoooop,” you half laugh, half groan somewhere in the middle of one of his quips.

His grin is sharp and directly at odds with the way his eyes soften into something gooey and sweet as he looks you over. “Oh, so I’m your ‘baby’ now, huh?”

“Tetsurou…”

“What? I’m not mad at it at all, it’s just… nice. I, uhh, like it, yanno? Makes all of this feel real, like you’re just as into me as I am you.”

“Tetsu, I–”

“No, it’s fine,” he tells you with a shake of his head. “Well it’s not fine fine, but it’s fine.”

“I’m so glad you cleared that up,” you reply with a snort of laughter. “But seriously though—I am sorry. Had I known we were actually dating things would’ve been different, I would’ve been different.”

“Well you’re definitely good enough to me on the platonic side of things that I wasn’t completely left wanting, but I guess relationships make me greedy. I wanted all of that and this. To be honest, I…” He pauses then, uncharacteristically shy as his fingers trail down the lengths of your arms to tangle with your own before continuing on. “I want everything with you, ____.”

The admission leaves your cheeks burning, but you don’t dare look away—not now, not when he’s being so vulnerable with you and impossibly sweet. Your quiet reply of “Same” leaves you both smiling, albeit in two totally different ways.

His replying grin is heart stopping, truly, striking that balance between cute and cocky as effortlessly as ever. You cannot help but to be drawn in by it, your lips grazing over his as you say something about making up for lost time.

“Mmm, yeah, definitely, buuuut–! Looks like classes are about to start up again.”

You chance a glance over your shoulder where your fellow students are indeed preparing to head back inside and the sight leaves you sighing. “We could just ditch you know–”

“____!”

“Don’t say my name like that,” you laugh, “you sound like some old, pearl-clutching auntie!”

“Rude. I do not–”

“Oh you totally do! What happened to being partners in crime, huh?”

Your digging tease leaves him huffing out a laugh. “Conning a barista out of various pastries is one thing, but skipping class is another beast entirely. That shit can really impact your future.”

“And petty crimes won’t?”

“Not if you don’t get caught.”

“The same could be said for ditching.”

“Yeah, but–”

The pair of you continue on this way as you head back towards the main building, hand-in-hand—an old, familiar act made all the more precious by what you now know.

Volleyball Kiss 🍃 No Doubts (Remember) || WC: 1.1k~

One last CW for talk of the strains and pressures of Kuroo’s home life. Again, I don’t go super into detail, but I do make it clear that all of that as well as the general stressors that come with being the team’s captain as well as a third year (fuck those scholarship/college entry essays, amirite?) are getting to him. But luckily for him, he’s got his lovely little partner to help pull him out of his head.

“Can’t sleep?”

The question shocks Tetsurou if for no other reason than he was sure that everyone else had already fallen asleep, desperate to catch up on the rest that nerves had robbed them of the night prior. It may only be a half hour from their school to the stadium, but every bit of energy that they can acquire, no matter how seemingly minuscule, really will count down the line. The chorus of light snores are cut through by the occasional cough or dull th-thunk-ing of the bus rattling over something in the road; an odd lullaby to be sure, but one that three years’ worth of away games have taught him to appreciate.

Under normal circumstance the familiar refrain would’ve seen him drifting off along with everyone else, but his mind refuses to turn off this morning. His thoughts have been rapidly oscillating between various plays, the breakdown of rival teams’ structures, the welfare of his own teammates, and eventualities that he has no real way of evaluating or controlling. It’s an endless, near vicious loop that he’s yet to find a means of escaping in (relatively) quiet moments such as these, and so he’s resigned himself to suffer until an adequate distraction presents itself.

In truth he’s been mentally running himself ragged for the past week, with his anxieties reaching a resounding crescendo the moment he stepped onto the school grounds just a little while ago. If it were just the tournament he could probably deal, but it’s not just the tournament. It’s the tournament and the half dozen-plus entry essays that are sitting on his hard drive in various states of completion and the school year that he needs to survive with his GPA intact for those things to even have use and his mother who’s already exhibiting symptoms of empty nest syndrome despite the fact that he’s still here and Hitomi visits at least once a week (never mind that neither of them has actually lived with her in over a decade).

Dozens upon dozens of responsibilities and obligations of varying import have finally complied enough to reach critical mass, and the resulting internal meltdown is a thing that he’s been determined to weather alone.

Because Tetsurou Kuroo does not share his burdens, he bears them—resolutely and without complaint.

This is why he’d been all smiles and encouraging words and back slaps and everything else his teammates expected of him when he arrived this morning. He could do no less, be no less, not when they looked to him for stability. He’s sure that Kenma, Yaku, and Kai had seen right through his façade—never mind your knowing frown—but you all had been wise (not to mention kind) enough to keep your observations behind your teeth. After all, it wouldn’t do for the others to find out their seemingly unflappable captain’s just as capable of harboring doubts as the rest of them.

His kohai setter might be the brains, but Kuroo’s role runs deeper in some ways. He’s in the team’s very cells, the nucleus that gives direction, brings structure. To allow his misgivings to visibly manifest themselves would be extremely selfish, in his opinion, especially when he knows the worst of them will fall away once he’s on the court.

And so he sits here in the still and silent of a too early hour on a dreary January morning, nursing his thoughts with eyes pinched shut and mouth set in a hard line. Sleep is not a thing he’ll be entertaining anytime soon, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be.

“I can hear you thinking,” you say, answering the question of why you too are awake before he’s forced to ask. “I would ask you what is it that’s got you so wound up, but that’d be kinda silly, huh?”

He pushes out a huff of air through his nose at that, as much of a laugh as he can muster at the moment. When you squeeze at the hand that has been firmly in yours since you’d both settled in, he knows that it’s a silent call for him to unburden himself, and yet he hesitates. It’s not that he doesn’t want to confide in you—well, okay, that’s a lie. He’s never been one to share his fears easily, never wanted to risk making himself a nuisance to those closest to him (to risk having yet another person he cares deeply about leave him behind because his needs extended beyond the extent of their capacity to care).

But if knowing you—loving you and being loved in turn—has taught him anything is that when someone truly cares for you they’ll be there, however and wherever you need them, for as long as you need them. So long as he’s brave enough to make the jump he knows you’ll be there to catch him on the way down.

Still, he doesn’t open his eyes, not yet, settling instead for a shrug that he’s sure you feel more than see as he’s careful not to displace you from where you’re leaning heavily into his side. Though the reply is hardly one at all, you’ve long since learned to speak Tetsurou Kuroo fluently.

“Worried?”

“Mm.” (Though it pains me to admit it, yes, yes I am.)

Your thumb follows the length of his own in slow, steady strokes as you tell him, “Don’t be.”

“Hmm…” (Easy for you to say, sweetheart. You’re not the one that’s gotta get out there and preform.)

“You guys have been training hard, yeah? Have done everything you can to prepare?”

“Mhm.” (You know we did, you were there.)

“Then there’s nothing else for it. Trust in your team, trust in your training, trust in yourself. You got this, babe.”

The feeling of your shifting is the thing that finally sees his eyes opening. Overcast skies have turned the whole of the horizon into a uniform sheet of white-grey and he finds himself blinking hard against the muted brightness. When his inner lenses finally decide to play nice and focus you’re smiling that perfect little smile of yours—the one that you save just for him, and grace him with liberally. He mirrors the sentiment, slow and easy, as he allows his forehead to come down to rest against yours.

“Remember—no doubts.”

Those words have been a mainstay in your relationship since you’d uttered them all those months ago, and the callback works as well as it ever does. His smile softens down into something sweet, private—an expression saved solely for you, one that he knows you think is just as perfect as the one you’re giving him—before falling away under a chaste press of lips.

“No doubts,” he echoes, voice decisive and heart steadier than it has been in a long while.

One Hundredth Kiss 🍃 Questionable Decisions that Bear Repeating || WC: 900~

CW for one use of ‘kitten’ as an endearment (Reader receiving). Also more mentions of Kuroo’s jacked up home life. His parents’ divorce (and the resulting emotional fallout) really did a number on him, and while he’s determined to rise above it all he’d be lying if he said it doesn’t still get him inside his head from time to time. Luckily for him he’s got a sweet, loving, and supportive partner that’s more than willing to help ease his thoughts and fears…

“Looks like you got the first problem wrong, and if you used this formula for the subsequent ones—and I’m guessing you did—then that means they’re all wrong too.”

You stare blankly at the essay before you, the words that you’re supposed to be scrutinizing for the sake of your boyfriend’s GPA dropping out of focus until they coalesce into a formless, graphite hued blob. Biting down on the dread that’s attempting to claw its way up from your stomach to settle inside your chest, you blink hard a few times and take one deep, steadying breath before slowly looking down past your knees to the man that sits with your legs in his lap. A too small bed in an equally small room makes the positioning more of a concession than a comfort in the same way that your calling what Tetsurou is doing ‘sitting’ is being extremely generous. In truth your boyfriend is one of the worst manspreaders that you’ve ever met, though in his defense his stature doesn’t really allow for him to not sprawl.

Still, he’s taking up a good chunk of real estate in your dorm, with his long ass legs stretching over the side of the mattress and far beyond, to the point where his feet are nearly under your desk. As for the rest of him—his back’s slouched against the wall at what has to be an uncomfortable angle while the hand that isn’t holding your (apparently very much wrong) calculus homework busies itself with rubbing a soothing pattern against your calf. It would be more effective, you’re sure, if it wasn’t accompanied by a golden gaze shuddered with pity.

“That… cannot be right. I spent so long on those problems, Tetsu!”

“I know, baby.”

“And I triple checked to make sure I was using the right formula because I knew I kept getting them mixed up–”

“I know–”

“I even had you check for me! So how—fucking how—is this even possible?” You pause again as another thought suddenly takes you. “Tetsurou Kuroo. If you’re trolling me right now, on god…”

He holds your stare (glare) for a beat, then two before his mouth starts to twitch with the beginnings of a laugh. When you growl out his name the dam bursts leaving him cackling like a hyena as he doubles over.

You pull your legs up towards yourself as you tell him, “You’re the absolute worst, you know that?” When he only laughs harder you nudge him just as hard with your feet in a bid to push him out of your bed. It doesn’t work, of course, he’s built way too sturdily for that, but the sentiment is there at least. “Ugh, I swear I cannot stand your childish ass! You stay on some bullshit…”

“Oya?”

“Oh no—we are not starting that mess. Get out, I don’t want to look at your stupid face anymore–”

He snorts at that. “Oh so now my face is stupid, huh?”

“Yup,” you’re quick to reply, popping the ‘P’, “and your hair is worse. Ol’ chemistry rooster looking headass. ‘What is a comb?’ headass. All the gel in the world can’t do nothing for all these damn cowlicks headass–”

Your next quip devolves into a squawk followed by peals of laughter as your man quickly pulls you down the length of the bed so that he can cage you in. Retribution comes in the form of a flurry of kisses that are interspersed with the odd nip to your vulnerable neck and collarbones; all the while you’re left to laugh wildly as you try to fend off his attack. It’s only when your giggles turn into something more breathless and wanting that he decides that you’ve been properly chastened. He kisses his way up your neck and over your jaw, stopping just shy of letting his lips brush against your eager mouth.

“If I’m all that, kitten, then why do you love me so much, hmm?”

“Because I make questionable life decisions, obviously.” A coquettish air replaces the snark that would usually color such a retort, with your voice wrapping around the words in a sinuous purr instead.

He hums at that, his lips slurring along your skin until he’s able to breathe his reply directly into your ear. “In that case, wanna make another one—or several—with me right now?”

“Oh hell yes…”

“Well somebody’s eager. No second thoughts, questions, concerns… Doubts…?” Though his tone is equal parts playful and teasing, there’s something buried in the heart of it—of him—that harbors doubts of its own.

It’s that same part that leaves him clenching desperately at you on days when childhood memories try and convince him that love is transient and that vows are made to be broken– That part that has him begging you to be that one defiance to everything he knows and stay on nights when he thinks you to be soundly asleep– That part that drives him to do better by you than what he’s been shown, and to be the kind of man that can be trusted to guard your heart.

That level of passion, devotion, love can only ever be met in kind. This is why you do not hesitate to drop all pretenses– Why you pull him flush against you—body to body, heart against heart– Why you pour all of your sincerity into one simple promise, words that have become a well-loved refrain–

“No doubts—not now, not ever.”

–and seal it all with a sweet, lingering kiss.

Forever Kiss 🍃 It’s too Late to Catch Me (Because I’ve Already Fallen for You) || WC: 700~

“Still falling for me, even after all these years, huh?” Admittedly it’s not his best line, but Tetsurou figures he can be cut some slack given the fact that the person he loves more than anything almost lost their life to their own clumsy feet.

Okay, so he might be being a bit dramatic here—your fall probably would’ve only netted you a bruise at most—but having spent the better part of a year babysitting the well-meaning, but ultimately chaotic disaster humans that made up his old VBC has taught him to expect the worst from even the most minor of instances. But the what if’s are all immaterial in the end, he supposes, since they were not. He was there to catch you (albeit unwittingly, you’d kinda just fell into his chest as he was coming through the door) and your knees are safe and contusion free, so what more could either of you ask for?

Perhaps a lack of cheesy and ill-timed pick-up lines, if your unimpressed stare is anything to go by, but hey—you knew what you were signing up for from jump.

Though your face screws itself up into something thoroughly annoyed, for Tetsurou that has always translated as ridiculously adorable, so by his estimation it really shouldn’t surprise you that your expression does not garner the desired reaction.

His smirk is as unrepentant as ever as he pulls you more firmly against himself to press kiss after overly loud kiss across the breadth of your cheeks, only daring to capture your lips once their pout parts around reluctant burbles of laughter. It only takes a few pecks before you’re both in need of more, but he refuses to be the one to break. Holding on to his resolve when you’re whining so prettily for him—feeble hands curling into the fabric of his shirt and his name falling from your lips in a plea as you look up at him with those doe-like eyes—is a nearly impossible feat, but he manages if only just.

He tells you to use your words, but you decide that actions would serve you both better and honestly he couldn’t agree more. He bends easily under your insistent tugs, yielding control of the kiss readily only to snatch it back the moment you think you’ve gained some ground. When a need for oxygen forces you to part some long seconds later he’s pleased to see you thoroughly flustered and damn near drunk on his affections.

Gods, they’re always so beautiful, but seeing them like this? Breathtaking, truly… Though the thought is an overly sweet one, by the time it makes it out of his mouth, well…

“Gods, you’re so into me—simp.”

You scoff at that. “Says the man who’s still trying to win me over with dry ass pickup lines after damn near a decade of being together.”

“But did it work though?”

When you don’t bother with a reply beyond an exasperated roll of your eyes he counts it as a success. And said success, he decides, deserves a reward in the form of claiming your lips once again.

You don’t resist him despite the cut of your glance, with that soon falling away under the fluttering of lids. Tetsurou eyes follow suit with a soft exhale as he revels in the sweetness of the kiss. There is nothing demanding about the ministration, only the gentle give and take, the beauty that comes with intimate repetition.

When the pair of you part this time it’s with a soft sigh, but you don’t go far. Foreheads brace against one another as breaths are shared and heartbeats sync. The silence that follows is a comfortable one that the man is reluctant to break, and yet he feels compelled to speak just the same, to reassure you of his love just as you’ve done for him so many times throughout the years.

“I know I’m not the most conventional when it comes to showing it, but– I love you, ____. Far more than what you’ll probably ever know, honestly.”

His words leave your eyes syruping with emotion as you match his stare and devotion both. “You drive me crazy more often than not, but I really do love you for it. I love you, Tetsu. Always…”

“I know, baby, I know—and I never doubted it, not even for a second.”

Taglist (open to 18+ users ONLY): @therescrackinmytea​ ((sorry for the random tag, but I saw you were feeling a bit meh and I thought that this might cheer you up some))

© notepadsandtealeaves, 2022 || Please do not repost, translate, or otherwise alter or distribute my works without my express permission. And for the love of god keep it away from Youtube and TikTok lol…

[thanks-mike-stamford]

Fics that inspire my writing - Part I

This is Part I. The other parts will be linked here as they are posted: Part II | Part III

When people ask "What's your favourite fic?" I can't truly give an answer. It depends on my mood! How can I choose only one? Sometimes you want to reread that one fic for emotional comfort, sometimes you want that other one for the hots, sometimes you want to suffer a bit with the characters and have the relief of the happy ending, and sometimes you love a fic so so so much, but it hurts and you don't pick it up again ever. There's no way I can choose a favourite.

So this is just a disclaimer that this list is not really about favourites.

This list is about writing.

I'm not as prolific as a writer than I am as a reader. I try to do my best, of course. The best way to learn a lot about writing, though? I have to say it's reading. I can attribute most of my vocabulary (in all languages I know) to reading. When talking about writing fiction, it's more than vocabulary, though: narrative, prose, dialogues, plot, characters, themes... It's a lot happening.

These fics I'm going to mention are the ones that I read and think yo myself: oooh, I wish I could write like that. So I use them to study! Perhaps I could try this type of narrative? Or I could build my characters to be complex in this way? Perhaps I could phrase things in a less mechanical way, like this author does?

I'm drafting a lot of stuff recently and in these new works I'm trying to improve the way I write. I'm a quick reader but slow writer, but I hope my future works can show I learned from these stories below.

So, here we go, 10 Fics That Inspire My Writing, in no particular order. This list is not exhaustive either, it was horrible to choose just 10.

Part I

Limping forward series by bendingsignpost

I absolutely love this series, which is a main fic from John's POV and a short prequel from Sherlock's POV, supposed be read after the main story. I'll refer to the main story from now on.

This fic is dialogue-heavy. The moments of description are usually very close to the POV, and while it's used to indicate actions, the main purpose is always to show what John is feeling by how he interacts with whatever and whoever is around him. Sometimes we are left with dialogues that are not explicit. The characters know exactly what they mean, by the described reactions, but the reader is left to wonder - or most importantly, to actually think about what they mean given the context. The fic feels almost like an intelectual exercise in which we practice how to read people's feelings. The climax of the fic doesn't come from a misunderstanding that can be fixed with a conversation, for example. It comes from an emotional misunderstanding, and it's brutal, because there's no way it couldn't happen. Both John, Sherlock, and the reader need to understand the meanings behind the actions - if you have a bias or trauma, it can be hard. Sherlock's deduction at the climax scene comes from an emotional perspective - he deduces how John felt, and that would finally explain John's actions, which weren't clear for him. Just like Sherlock says in the story - it's magnificent.

These two aspects - dialogue with implicit meaning and description with a purpose - are aspects I lack in my own writing. I struggle immensely with dialogue, and my descriptions are usually "Character A is here or there, talking to B or C, and they're thinking X or Y". I look up to how this fic works in trying to get better, and I did try to incorporate those "invisible conversations" into my works.

The Illusion of Control series by starrysummernights

Uuuh, omegaverse! Not everyone's cup of tea. I love omegaverse though, for two reasons: you can create completely different world dynamics and sex/gender dynamics, and play with it.

This series needed to be a series. Every part is important. We have alternating POVs of John and Sherlock. If you read the series as a WIP, as it was posted, you could have been under the impression that it was strictly porny. But it helps a ton to read it following the chronology of the story (the prequels and sequels to the original one were attributed accordingly). Because the trick of this series is John's character arc. We are immediately presented with John's life story since childhood until he starts a relationship with Sherlock. He has endured great emotional trauma, but at first he doesn't even recognise he has been traumatised. Lifelong issues build up and eventually will spill over. It's not quick to deal with it, that's why it needs a full series. His relationship with Sherlock deepens, he needs to make some important choices, he faces great struggles. And step by step, we follow John's journey. It's absolutely brilliant to get there. It hurts, but it hurts good. And it's nobody's fault, at the end. He's not reduced to his issues, he's an entire complex person, but we are always aware how said issues played an important role in shaping this character.

Writing such a long story, posting it out of chronological order, and not losing sight of the character arc is what makes this fic stand out. One of my published fics specifically took great inspiration in this one while building a character arc for John.

Trying to Find The In-Between by NoStraightLine

Later on this was re-posted as a multi chapter fic, but I originally read it as a series when it was a WIP, and personally I think it works better this way.

This amazing work taught me a lot about causes and consequences. I think the entire series can be grouped in three parts. First part is the beginning of their relationship. They are learning about each other, playing piece by piece like a puzzle. Then second part is around Reichenbach Fall, they separate and emotional fuckery ensues, up until Sherlock comes back, the pinnacle of angst. Third and last part is them relearning each other from scratch. The relationship needs to be completely different - and they don't even know if they will get together after all, if it will ever work again. And here's the main point: it's not a single decision that warrants consequences. They had a super intense relationship at first - but if you go too high, the fall is worse. Everything is borderline unhealthy, but it could easily be attributed to love. The author doesn't shy away from showing us it's a bit of both: big love can be a bit unhealthy. To put up boundaries between them so they both keep sane you also need to limit how you treat each other, and what you expect from each other.

This fic made me think I need to estimate the consequences of how I build up characters' interactions. The reactions need to be accordingly to that measure. In one fic I tried to play with this intensity ended up being borderline unhealthy. Not something you'd want in real life, of course, but in fiction... anything is possible.

This is the end of Part I. Stay tuned for Parts II and III!

[helion-ism]

I despise it when people say Lucien or Azriel deserve better than Elain, or when they belittle her and refer to her as the "third one," which by the way is azriel's fault .Listen, I understand people saying Lucien deserves better than the way elain treats him because he does, or that azriel and Lucien deserve happiness, but to say they deserve better than elain is trash. I saw someone say the other day that "if you ship elain with Lucien or Azriel, you're not normal because elain deserves to be with tamlin, someone who is as empty as she is” and I sat down and asked myself what really has elain done that makes her not deserving of a "guy" in comparison to the other characters in this series. Yes she's a silent bitch, she's self-centered, she's passive aggressive, and so on that's the definition of flawed it's not her fault that SJM hasn't developed her like the other characters in this series , so that people can see past her flaws like they do for others. Moreover,every character in this book has a flaw, with the exception of Gwyn and Emerie, and that's because their page time has only been for one book . Bet me and see that when they become the main focus, they'll have flaws just as bad as Azriel, Cassian, Nesta, Rhys, Ferye, Mor, Helion, and even the Suriel and Lucien, who happen to be my favorite characters, because that's how SJM writes her characters they’re all morally gray in some way, so does that mean they don’t deserve love or are underserving of another person or does that only apply to elain? (Sorry if this was long. I just read your post and needed to vent because as an elucien is really annoying seeing people say elain doesn’t deserve love.)

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

I love you, anon

no, but fr. I agree with you. I absolutely hate when people start saying things like "this and this person deserves better than elain" (especially when they talk about azriel in this context lmao)

lucien and elain both have their problems, which they need to sort out before they can move on and have a healthy relationship, that much is clear. lucien was at fault for siding with tamlin for so long, which again is understandable to some extent imo. elain is at fault for pretending to not care, but as I said, she's going through stuff at the moment. and I have to add that I understand from sjm's point of view that she must continue keeping up this distance between them until we actually get to their story. I understand that she wants to do it chronologically, and I'm absolutely fine with it. it just sucks that beloved characters have to suffer for some time.

(side note: people who say elain deserves to be with tamlin, I actually have no words for you. but if you choose to be miserable, then go ahead.)

Yes she's a silent bitch, she's self-centered, she's passive aggressive, and so on that's the definition of flawed it's not her fault that SJM hasn't developed her like the other characters in this series , so that people can see past her flaws like they do for others.

you're absolutely right, she's not as developed as other characters, and a part of that is the fact that we will still get her pov and her book. does that mean we couldn't have gotten slightly more personality? no, I also wish we could've learned more about her, but acosf gave us some hints at what is going on with her already: she still doesn't seem to be completely happy at the night court, she still hasn't accepted her new fate, she still doesn't really try to be a member of the group, but at least she found herself some kind of job to do. we also saw her come out of her shell for a moment. but acosf was nesta's story, and so I'm not mad at all that we didn't focus on elain "enough". elain will have her time to shine, too.

also, you speaking about flaws is something that I think many people tend to forget? every character has flaws, as you said. feyre has flaws, helion has flaws, nesta has flaws, cassian has flaws. this makes them more believable and realistic. it makes the story more compelling. of course gwyn and emerie have flaws, too, but that's not a bad thing.

they’re all morally gray in some way, so does that mean they don’t deserve love or are underserving of another person or does that only apply to elain?

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hey. Not sure of you've answered a question like this. I did have a look.

I'm writing a fanfiction (one-shot). It has a specific motif running throughout it. It consists of a backstory + recount(ish) of certain canon events in chronological order. I wrote the beginning/first half of the middle, skipped over the latter half of canon, and wrote the ending. It doesn't flow cohesively, though: it's like two separate pieces with nothing much connecting them. Problem is, I've had difficulty cherry-picking events from the latter half of the show that runs with my main theme of my pic. Do you have any suggestion? Sorry of this ask is all over the place.

FanFiction: One-Shot Not Feeling Cohesive

(Creating a Smooth Transition with a Time Jump)

This is definitely a tough one, but let me throw out a few suggestions and see if something might help. :)

If I'm understanding correctly, your story covers backstory and canon events from the beginning, early middle, and the end. So, all that's really missing is the latter half of the middle canon?

I think the first thing worth checking is that the theme/motif you're following is consistently strong throughout the story. It may be present in the ending, but it's possible you haven't gone far enough to showcase it.

The next thing I'd suggest looking at is your transition. If you're skipping from the first part of the canon's middle-section to the canon's end section, there's presumably a bit of a time-jump and perhaps a big one. Canon settings and situations can change drastically over the course of a story, sometimes ending in a completely different location with a largely different group of people. Sometimes the canon setting and situation don't change a lot, but the character you're focusing on is in a drastically changed situation. I'd start by looking at where the character is at the end of the early middle section (just before you jump ahead) and where they are where you pick back up again at the ending. What changed for them and for the story in general during the part that was skipped? Ideally, what you want to do is end that early middle section with something that foreshadows the changes that will take place during the gap. Then, you refer to those things as having happened in the past when you pick back up with the next part.

So, for example, let's say I'm writing fan-fiction based on a show that follows a girl and her adventures in high school. Let's say it's a three-season show, and the second half of the second season covers a summer trip to Paris with other students. Then third season picks back up with the beginning of her senior year. And, let's say I want to focus on the events that take place at the actual high school--specifically her crush on another student--so I don't want to cover the Paris trip in my story because the crush wasn't on the trip. Like you, I'm skipping over the latter half of the middle section. Here's what I'd do...

When I reach the point where I need to skip the Paris stuff, I need to end with a smooth transition that acknowledges what's coming (and what will be skipped.) So, perhaps I would end that section by having her think something like:

The itinerary for the Paris trip was balanced on the edge of my desk. I picked it up and looked it over one more time, still unable to believe it was really happening. In just a few nights, I'd be gazing up at the sparkling Eiffel Tower at night with my two best friends. But as much as I looked forward to that, all my heart wanted was to get back to Muncy High so I could see Daniel McCann again.

This transitional ending sentence accomplishes three things:

1) We get a bit of a "denouement" of this section because she's in her room, possibly reflecting on what's happened so far and what's to come.

2) We get an acknowledgement of what's coming (and what will ultimately be skipped) with the reference to being in Paris. And, bonus: because we get the actual imagery of her being actually at the Eiffel Tower at night, with her best friends, that stays in our minds later on, even though that section won't be covered. The imagery has been planted anyway.

3) We get a flash forward to where the story will pick back up again, because although she's excited about Paris, what she's really excited about is starting school again so she can see her crush.

Then, maybe I start the next section with her walking into school on the first day back, and seeing Daniel for the first time. To pick up the smooth transition over the Paris section, I could do something like:

The halls of Muncy High School thrummed with students scurrying to beat the five-minute warning bell ahead of first period. As I turned down my locker row dressed in my J'aime Paris Eiffel Tower shirt, a black beret, and a black pleather mini, I hoped I looked as cute as I felt, because there was Daniel McCann--and when he looked up at me, HE SMILED!

This transitional opening sentence also accomplishes three things:

1) It establishes the scene by picking up the baton held out in the last section's final paragraph:

End of last section: But as much as I looked forward to that, all my heart wanted was to get back to Muncy High so I could see Daniel McCann again.

Beginning of next section: The halls of Muncy High School thrummed with students scurrying to beat the five-minute warning bell ahead of first period.

2) It reminds the reader that a Paris trip happened during the interim and specifically recalls that Eiffel Tower imagery that makes it more real for the reader even though they didn't get to "see" it unfold on the pages.

3) It reestablishes the theme of the fan-fiction, which is the character's crush on Daniel McCann.

I hope one of those things will help you!!!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

Visit my FAQ

See my Master List of Top Posts

Go to ko-fi.com/wqa to buy me coffee or see my commissions!

[lofi-tophat]

Let’s talk about the 70s punk scene and HWS England

I sometimes feel that the fandom doesn’t give England’s love for punk/rock music much justice. Some authors usually write about this human AU in which Arthur wants to be a rockstar and some others plainly avoid the topic whatsoever. Which is a pity because I actually believe the whole character has a deep punk reference, specially regarding appearence (might expand on this in another post but basically, for me, England seems like some random bushy browed anime 70s punk guy who suddenly has to put on a suit and attend world meetings, which is both fascinating and hilarious).

So I thought maybe we could dive a bit into very general punk history and then I’d like to share with you some hc regarding England’s involvement with punk culture in general (if you just want to read the hcs just scroll down to the last paragraph with the bullet ponts).

My experience in punk stuff is actually that I’m kind of a metalhead lol. Metalheads and punks had and probably still have a deeply-rooted rivalry. However, punk influenced metal a lot, and metal also influenced punk. So I stumbled upon many punk facts while browsing about my favorite metal bands. 

Take this as historical hetalia... but counterculture historical hetalia :D (which is something we need more in the fandom, btw, I know military history is cool but its also cool how humans expressed themselves through art, fashion and music when they felt the pressure of authority and the frustration of society).

Historical context

Let’s return a bit in time and remember the 60s. The 60s were this blessed time in which people tried to defeat the establishment with peace and love. The hippie movement is from this decade and it influenced a lot on how people thought and behaved. In terms of counterculture, I must say this is a fascinating time in history (I recently discovered psychodelic science and its so incredible what was being talked back then).

Anyways, although a lot of young people were into this discourse of love and peace, some weren’t really that happy about it. In Europe, the post-war situation was sad and a lot of young people either were jobless or had the shittiest jobs you could imagine. Politics were also depressing. This was the origin not only for punk but also for other genres of heavy music, such as metal: People who didn’t want to be all happy and peaceful and had the need to express their frustration and anger, shouting about how society was fucked up. They needed an outlet.

Origins of punk

The origins of punk music are actually not quite clear. In fact, the US and the UK both claim that punk music was born in their country. Funnily enough, my country also claims to be the origin of punk (I’ll leave this mini-doc for you. Sadly, I don’t think this is a correct claim, mainly because their music was in spanish and I doubt that major punk bands took them as reference. Its a cool band tho).

I have to side with americans on this: The arguments for the american origins of punk are quite solid. The Ramones were the first actual punk band out there. They were active since 1974. Their music had all the elements of punk and, chronologically, they were the first ones performing this type of sound.

However, they didn’t have the aesthetic. That actually was a british invention. American punk had still leather jackets, jeans and sneakers. British punk? Well, remember all those ripped pants and shirts you commonly associate with punk? Yes, those were the Sex Pistols all along. They were the ones introducing the attitude and the style. The Pistols had some insane performances and a huge shock-value that can’t be found in early american punk. So you can safely say that your image of what a punk is is based mainly on the Pistols (also, for singing anti-authoritarian lyrics, they actually were managed by some dude who had a fashion shop. So yeah...).

Punk attitude or philosophy or whatever

The reason why I addressed the rockstar thing at the start of the post is because I find it curious. Punk is characterized by the whole Do It Yourself attitude and breaking with the establishment. Anarchism in punk is scandalizing people since there is no authority whatsoever. There wasn’t really any deep philosophy behind all of this, nor any political movement. Punk has nothing to do with a formal anarchist philosophy (which actually exists and has nothing to do with disorder). However, punk is characterized by the anti-establihsment lyrics. Remember, this is all about scandalizing people (which sometimes took great lengths). Presentations from british punk bands were also quite wild those days. They involved a lot of insults, spitting and, of course, pogo.

So, it is obvious that there is this deep concern about turning into a sellout, a pretty common fear in any underground scene. Authenticity was encouraged. Aspiring rockstars really didn’t have much mercy in the community so to speak, at least in this specific period. 

I would also like to add how punk had other aspects beside the music. For example, fanzines were pretty popular in the punk scene in the 70s and a great way to engage with what was going on with bands and music. I remember also this interview of this band in which they remembered how a very high guy decided to recite his poem while the band was playing. So, yeah, literature, illustration, fashion and other stuff were involved in the punk scene too.

British punk was also characterized by a very nihilistic attitude and a total disregard for previous influences. 1977, a song by The Clash, stated:

No Elvis, Beatles, or the Rolling Stones!

Now, for the important stuff: The music. Punk music is all about being simple. Punk musicians aren’t really known for their virtuosity in their instruments, something that actually inspired musicians from a lot of heavy bands later. In fact, the famous Sid Vicious from the Sex Pistols never could learn how to play the bass. So the band disconnected his instrument from the amplifier and he only had to pretend to play. The guy actually tried to learn how to play bass but music wasn’t exactly his talent. He had tons of punk attitude though, and that was the reason why his band didn’t kick him out. 

Vocals are usually shouted, the rythm is fast and the riffs are quite simple. In fact, there is this famous publication on a 1976 british fanzine that stated:

This is a chord

This is another

This is a third

Now form a band

HWS England and the 70s punk scene and onwards 

Thanks to his immortality, it is obvious that England had to experience the 70s in all their glory (what a lucky bastard). Was he there? Hell yes. As I explained before in some of my hc posts, nations represent the population more than their Government, so I really believe that England felt the frustration from that post-wwii decade and he probably also felt pissed about this. Working for the Government must have felt really frustrating during those years. 

In the past, he probably would have tried to take his ship and sail the seas or whatever, but that was not possible in the modern era. I guess that’s how he discovered punk. 

Now, rock existed in England before punk. I mean, the Beatles, duh. So Arthur wouldn’t have been completely ignorant about rock music in general. Contrary to popular belief I don’t imagine him being that much of a beatlemaniac though. Sure he likes them, but the music didn’t resonated with him as much. But boy, that first time he heard the Pink Fairies in 1971 (Yes, this was an actual band, a proto-punk band)? Yeah, he could relate more to that.

More detailed stuff here:

Pubs were crucial for the development of punk music. They were these spaces in which bands could play, a venue to discover new music. Yes, Arthur must have been a regular in a lot of these pubs.

Fanzines probably fascinated Arthur as an outlet for his own writings and silly drawings. He probably created a cringey pseudonym and collaborated with a lot of them. 

Its canon that England likes to critic american movies, and, taking from there, I think he’s the type of guy that has an opinion for everything. So I can imagine him also writing about what bands he enjoyed and what bands sucked.

Yeah, I can also see him being drunk and just reciting a poem while some rock band played behind.

With some ability, and a lil bit of tricks, Arthur could escape normal Government activities and perform with punk bands at nights. People were so into the music that he had no problem passing by.

Some cover art in CDs show Enlgland with a guitar and a bass (yes, not many people remember the bass cover art). So he probably plays both guitar and bass. He also probably plays the drums. Of course, he’s no virtuoso and he only knows the most basic stuff in those three instruments. I can see him being into songwriting tho.

Music equipment:

Guitar: Definetely a Telecaster

Bass: Fender P-bass and I can also see him having a Rickenbacker 4001

All these instruments are full with stickers. Punk instruments look really cool btw. (I wish my bass could look like those I see in certain punk bands)

England’s probably the kind of guy that doesn’t cut his strings at the head of his guitar.

He can actually play guitar/bass and sing at the same time.

England plays bass with a pick (what an asshole, we bassists know picks are not allowed)

Contrary to popular belief, I can see England appreciating good rock music from other countries and supporting them. He probably insists that punk music was born in the UK though.

1977: The Queen was going to celebrate her silver jubilee. And England had no problem with this. He really had none... but he HAD to be in that boat trip with the Sex Pistols. There’s no way he was going to miss that. He later had to explain his abscence that day to his Government officials (Btw, my hc for England’s relationship with his monarchy is “It’s complicated”. I can explain this later. Just remember that he was really pissed those days)

I can see Arthur in general being really involved with the scene. A lot of the stuff they were making actually matches with his canon interests and even personality. So he probably enjoyed those days and felt quite at home. I can even say that, for a long time, he hadn’t felt that kind of connection with his own people.

Although I can see England being attracted by the nihilism in the scene, I think his romanticism protects him from embracing it fully.

England had to live a double-life during this era. Not that it was new for him.

Arthur was pierced several times by some random, drunk teenagers. He doesn’t remember who tho. He was also drunk. Obviously his piercings close really fast, unless he has a permanent jewel in there.

I can actually see England expanding his music taste. Although punk is in his heart, it wouldn’t be strange for me that he’s overall a rock nerd and enjoys other genres, specially those with fast drum beats and heavy riffs. So I can see him having some metal favorites too, having a certain taste for prog rock and even digging into hardcore.

I’m still unsure if England would have been a massive Pistols fan as fanfics usually portray him. I mean, maybe? I would say he is definetely into acts such as the Pink Fairies (I mean, c’mon, its perfect). The Clash and the Damned probably also have a place in his heart.

After the punk scene dried out (the 80s weren’t that great for punk music although it was the birth of even heavier forms of music based on punk), England also was eager about the new genres flourishing during these times based on punk. Acts like folk punk might have had an appeal for him. He’s also fond of the punk-ish bands from the 90s like Green Day.

“Punk will never die!” shouted England while stage diving in some random small concert. He likes to support new bands these days.

The most fascinating thing, maybe in a more poetic sense, is that England’s immortality probably also helps him to keep up a punk spirit as much as his nationhood allows him, instead of aging poorly and angry like a lot of punk musicians... I mean, he aged poorly, but for other reasons lmao.

[snickiebear]

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok 

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 23.5

SURPRISE!!!! It’s my birthday today... but I’m giving y’all a present! 🎉🎉

I don’t have much to say today... but I just want to give a quick shout out to the ladies who help me with this series @nomadicpixel​ @heather-lynn​ @alievans007​ and @mrs-captain-evans​. This series wouldn’t be what it is without you four.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG

Warnings: n/a

Episode Summary: Ellie and Scott watching an

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 23

Episode 23.5: Go Ducks!

October 11, 2014

"I hope you're right about this," Scott muttered as he and Ellie walked towards the front door of a bar.

"I've been here before," Ellie said with a roll of her eyes. "This is the place to watch Oregon Duck football in Los Angeles. It's our official bar, you might say."

There was a smattering of Oregon Duck fans in the front of the bar as well as other college football fans who had gathered to watch games, but it wasn't until they got into one of the private rooms that they found the watch party of fifty people or so gearing up for the start of the game.

"I've never seen so much green and yellow in one room," Scott mumbled under his breath, making Ellie grin.

"You poor, deprived angel," she said, patting his shoulder in sympathy. "It's good I came into your life when I did."

"I know you're being a sarcastic bitch on purpose," he told her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "But you're right."

"Come on, let's get some food and try and find seats," she said.

Prior to sending Lisa her two weeks' notice, Ellie had told Scott that she wasn't going to work at the house anymore. He hadn't been shocked; he'd seen the writing on the wall as she separated herself from his brother. But he had been worried about what it meant for their friendship.

Ellie had assured him that her moving out and no longer coming to the house wouldn't have any impact on their relationship. Sure, she wouldn't be around all the time, but they'd still get together and hang out. The only stipulation being that it wouldn't happen at Chris's house.

Since then, they'd gotten together at least once a week. Whether it was to watch a movie at her apartment or going out for a meal together.

Today's outing for the Oregon Duck vs UCLA Bruins football game was a bonus event. They had played with the idea of going to the actual game since it was in Los Angeles, but after seeing the price of the tickets and where the visiting teams' fans sat, they had opted to come to the alumni watch party.

With plates loaded with food, they found an empty table and sat down. While they waited for the game to start, they talked about Scott's current projects as well as about Ellie's new side project, volunteering at an afterschool program three days a week.

When the game finally started, Scott wasn't sure what to expect from the crowd that had gathered to watch the game. It was a mix of mostly adults from their late 20s to a couple who looked like they were in their 80s, and there were even a few kids in attendance.

He wasn't a fan, yet, but he had been following the Oregon Ducks football team this season if only for Ellie to have someone to talk to about the games. He knew that despite losing their coach, Chip Kelly, to the NFL earlier in the year, the Ducks were in the midst of what promised to be an amazing season with their quarterback Marcus Mariota leading the way.

Then last week happened. The Ducks suffered their first loss of the season against the Arizona Wildcats and it had been a close game that had unraveled at the end. With that loss, Oregon had dropped from #2 in the national football rankings down to #12.

With that in mind, Scott had expected the watch party goers to be subdued, but they surprised him. They'd been vocal and cheering from the kickoff. Even Ellie, after a few plays, got into the excitement.

By halftime with the Ducks ahead 21 to 10, the group became more relaxed and started to mingle. The people at the table next to them teased Scott about his lack of school spirit. Ellie's attempt to help him out, by saying that he was originally from Massachusetts, hadn't helped him at all. Which was how he ended up the winner of the raffle prize, an Oregon duck shirt and hat, when the real winner had learned he didn't have any Duck stuff.

Wearing his new Oregon Duck t-shirt and hat, Scott found himself cheering along with Ellie and the rest of the group as the third quarter got started. The Ducks scored two touchdowns within a few minutes and then scored another touchdown to start the fourth quarter. Making the score 42 to 10.

The tension and unease that had been in the private room when they'd first arrived at the bar was gone, replaced with confidence of their team's ability to bounce back from defeat. Even Scott found himself caught up in it.

With the starters off the field and the backups in for the Ducks, UCLA managed to score three touchdowns in the fourth quarter, but it was too little too late for the home team. The Ducks ended up winning 42 to 30.

As the game ended and Ellie chatted with the couple at the table next to them, Scott found himself remembering the games that he, Ellie and Chris had watched together last season. Both for football and baseball. Even the games their teams had lost in had been fun to watch because of who he had been with.

Obviously, he and his brother hadn't watched any games together this year, but neither had he and Ellie. It wasn't until now, as they were getting ready to leave the bar, that Scott realized how much he had missed watching football with her, and his brother. Both separately, but also together.

He knew that Ellie had needed to take a step back after everything that happened with Chris and Scott fully supported her. She was finding out who she was and becoming an independent woman.

A woman that Scott was still 100% sure was the right one for his thick-headed brother.

Someday and somehow, he would prove that to both of them.

Episode 24

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

Tag List: @nomadicpixel​, @heather-lynn​, @alievans007​, @mrs-captain-evans​, @stopjustlovethemcu​, @thewannabewriter​, @guera31​, @badassbaker​, @chezdricks​, @patzammit​, @katiew1973​, @zoeloveschrisevans​, @marvelouspottering​, @pegasusdragontiger​, @smoothdogsgirl​, @peaceinourtime82​, @ek823​, @anionthewrite​, @mizzzpink​, @giftofdreams, @janeyboo​, @princess-evans-addict​, @jesseswartzwelder​, @avenger-nerd-mom​, @furrywerewolfcollector​, @ladyamandapanda12​, @gigglegirl77​, @poisonedyouth-americanbeauty​, @jennmurawski13​, @theladybiers​, @rapunzel-flynnrider, @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss, @animnerd​, @tvjunkie08​

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[mallowstep]

I’m thinking about writing a short OC piece about Windclan and I’d love to see your notes about its culture and the hymns you’ve written so far, everything you’ve done for Windclan appreciation month has really inspired me :)

hello anon!

alright, first things first: please send me ur piece when ur done if you're comfortable doing so! i will publish it from you, or if you don't want to be associated with it in Any Way, i will also just read it and add it to the queue with no indication why it's there. or if you don't want me to share it at all, i'd still like to read it.

as for your ask,

hymns?

i'm working on it. however, underneath the read more, i'll include a few snippets for u.

culture

alright, i'm just going to post links with some commentary as i go. feel free to ask any more questions you have.

windclan (search) | windclan (tag) | wcam tag | five clans (narrative essays)

i would link the elders den, but there's no windclan stories in there ATM.

moving on, i'm just going to go through posts in reverse chronological order.

tallstar taking a mate admittedly, this is more about cats and sexuality than windclan, but i provide the commentary that windclan...has a particular view on sexuality and fluidity. one thing i haven't explored but should is the role visiting cats have in windclan.

whoops that's a code word, my plug for solacefruit has been activated. okay, as you may be aware, based on the fact that i have a whole tag for it, i'm obsessed with solacefruit. now, i love everything they do, but i would like to point you particularly to "make a mighty sound" for a fantastic exploration of this idea.

i don't want to spoil anything, but i do think windclan, and maybe cats as a whole, but windclan has a certain view towards relationships that very much breaks them into pieces. i'm a "love is a verb" person, so the idea that you can grow to love someone romantically by going through the actions of love makes sense. not to say you will, but you can.

(to be clear i'm not out advocating for arranged marriages just saying that they can work, they're not destined to be bad, and there's a difference between forced marriage and arranged marriage.)

anyway.

this was a lot of words to say, cats do not have a human (and particularly, western/american) understanding of relationships, which makes analyzing them in those terms difficult.

early hymn talk i'll probably say more below, but it is here.

general ibtwicm notes might get you into the headspace for some of my choices in ibtwicm.

i don't have a ton to say because this pretty much all holds, but uh, yeah.

poetry and language this isn't strictly about windclan, but it does explain some of what i think about when writing hymns.

obviously, i'm writing english translations, but these general themes are what i have in mind. it's also part of why i say i don't think i'll ever release a "full hymnal" for windclan, because i don't know if my weak worldbuilding heart could take it if i only had translations.

names part two very much not about windclan, but just some thoughts on names. as i've said before, i support all names and worldbuilding equally, but if you want my thoughts on names, go buckwild.

clan culture fic rec list just stuff i think does a good job, if you want other sources of inspiration.

general clan culture notes this is really old, but it mostly holds.

i've obviously expanded a lot on windclan since i wrote it, so shrug? idk man.

alright, i'm going to move into hymn discussion below the cut, but best of luck! and i hope u have a good time. it makes my brain shut down to read that i inspired you, straight up got brain juice pouring out of my ears, but i'm really, really happy to hear that.

windclan holds a special place in my heart. (i know my oc avatar is from skyclan shhh it's because of the backstory he sees ghosts.) but i grew up in this super sporty household as a lil asthmatic klutz, and running was a sport i couldn't mess up, so of course windclan appealed to me.

they're actually third on my list of favorite clans, but they. it's a special place in my heart that they hold, especially after reading dawn of the clans and moth flight's vision, where i got an asthmatic cat and an adhd cat, both in windclan.

god i should reread dotc it's good.

alright, here's the deal on hymns: i am not going to fight to get duets to post correctly. there's a 0% chance i can in tumblr's wonky ass new editor with no markdown, not to mention how difficult it would have been in the old editor. so i'm going to talk a lil about what i've got, and post some stanzas that i think don't get explored a lot in ibtwicm.

we're discussing these in the order that they go in. a reminder that these are all sections of one epic poem. that said, i don't know where the gaps are. like, i don't know what's between these, if that makes sense.

the wind

the wind, the very first hymn. this is an ode to, well, windclan. it's a song about everything that makes them them. it's filled with poetry about the wind, about the seasons, and it's just...well, it's a bit of a genesis, in a way.

The wind — like the rain, like the river — calls the name of each star in its breath. The wind — like the earth, like the stone — anchors us to our home. The wind — like the sun, like the sky — is knowable only by name.

i wanted to share this stanza because the last line doesn't show up in ibtwicm (at least so far, i cut the reference), and it really, really, makes a difference imo.

anyway, windclan is basically tying the wind in with every other fundamental part of their life here.

they are the wind, and that's that.

the hare

okay, this one has a line that comes up a lot in ch1, but i already talked about that, so instead, i'm going to talk about this stanza

Speak of the earth and the dens, and you will be answered: By the call of the howling gales, the open earth singing in response. But speak of that which grows above, of the grass and field, And you will be answered by the softness of the buds and the roots.

okay, we get deadfoot thinking about this when he's talking to yellowfang.

i like this stanza because it really tells us what the hare is about. now, hares are not something windclan catches. hares are huge, y'all, there's no way they take one down. i take liberties with ecology, but not that many.

(i.e., a team of cats definitely could take one down, but i know too much, and would prefer letting team hunting stay a plot thing, and not fundamentally alter the environment in the way it would.)

now anyway, all of these hymns come from the time of the tunnelers. and the point of this is, even though the work of tunnelers and moor runners is disconnected, they fundamentally affect each other.

a moor runner must trust the hollows of the earth beneath them won't collapse, and a tunneler must trust that the prey they chase up will be caught.

it's all very symbiotic and is, well, in a way, a love poem. plus i really like the line "the open earth singing in response"

of the warrens

so this has one line, one you might not even know is a hymn, in ch1, but i'll share the whole stanza.

And as for the subject of fallow fields: Fallowed fields make for hungry prey, Yet hungry prey makes desperate rabbits, Who leap into our claws.

and ig my big point is, the hymns are a cultural artifact. just like many of the rules in the old testament have to do with hygiene things being codified into religion, this whole hymn is about hunting advice.

the moon on the river

okay, out of all the hymns, this is the most complete, and because ashfoot and deadfoot sing it together, and deadfoot discusses it, i only have one stanza to share.

Under the coldness, you shine back at me, And I do everything to keep the clouds from threatening you.

now, this poem is about love, grief, and being separated. it's a particular kind of grief, and windclan discourages grief, so this is one of only a few ways to really, fully express it.

and this section, in particular, is about love in times of hardship.

i don't have. a lot to say here. but the way hardship changes how you love someone can be particular and intense.

(temporarily, this happens sometime before "Spare for my chosen few / All I have is given towards the distant ground.")

the gorse in the wind

oh shit! i have so fucking much to say okay first.

the series title does not come from this hymn.

second, this is a challenging hymn okay. fuck. i have so much to say. where to start so! moors are actually relatively wet. think british countryside, not, like, a cool desert.

this is something i always knew? i read the secret garden a lot as a kid. but. i've seen stuff about moors being dry, and it's just one of those things that really...starts to eat under your skin. anyway.

okay, so. gorse is a dry plant. it does not like rain. it grows in sandy soil, etc etc, and yet. aside from everything we know about gorse and warriors, it also grows in this moor. because i say so.

okay, so. so so so. the lines quotes here are really deceptive, and i bet no one understood why, and that makes me just a little sad, but i couldn't find a good way to explain it in text, so uh, yeah, anyway. there's an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot: "THE GORSE: You called me the heather and I grew stronger. / THE WIND: I called you the heather and brought rain for you to grow."

so...so do you see? do you see the point? it's about communication, needs, challenging each other. fadskj;l i love this. okay, so. the point is that heather is fragile, soft, pretty, and gorse is the opposite. the part of the wind is trying to be kind and complimentary, but the gorse is saying, fuck that, you are not being kind to me by undercutting my strength.

anyway, this passage is sung by the gorse:

In what good company have I set down roots, That even through snow fall I flower. You called me the heather and yet I've weathered, Far more than your sweet-named love.

so uh, yeah, this adds context. gorse! gorse is a hardy plant that continues to flower basically all season round. it's cool. it's cool. gorse is super cool. fuuuck y'all it's such a small thing and i've contained talking about it until now, but now it's too much. the floodgates are open, and i thought about this small detail too much.

okay. deep breath. gorse is a really easy plant to grow, but it's still adapted for dry environments. so the "even through snow fall I flower" part is a little tongue in cheek: gorse itself will flower in the cold, but snow is a type of precipitation, which as we've covered, is not gorse friendly.

then we have some rhyming and puns in the next line, and finally, "yet I've weathered, / Far more than your sweet-named love." like. yes. love as a form of softness is not necessarily helpful.

i mean, consider the damaging "soft trans boi" problem. same energy.

right. okay. so we've got all that? now if you remember, this is sung when deadfoot thinks ashpaw doesn't respect him, and ashpaw says she'll sing with him if she can sing the gorse, so in essence, she's telling him...not to back off, per se, but that...she is the "hard part" of the relationship. like, okay, i refuse to even bring up gender roles in human relationships, but uh, her point is very much, "i am the gorse, and you are the wind," and it's a very monumental moment.

it's anchored, i believe, in the other scenes, but this is a small thing that matters a lot to me.

like a lot.

okay, now that i've talked about like four lines for the length of this entire post, moving on.

the heather and earth

okay, this is the last hymn i have in concrete terms, and i cut a bit of it from the latest chapter, so yeah. it's also, uh, okay everything i have for it is only a line or two, but i wanted to share this closing line (sung together):

Sing a song of forgiveness, of growing together, and we will make madness, And madness from hence will everything beautiful grow.

and i just like these lines. they got cut, it was initially part of an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot, but i can't share the part of it they talk about, because i'm reusing it for a later chapter and i'll 100% spoil shit if i try to talk about it.

but these lines? mmm they speak to me.

i don't have a ton to say about them, but i just. i like it.

if we apply the same ecology discussion from the gorse and the wind, we see heather is a plant that grows in acidic, infertile soil, and heath (which is not the same as a heather, but also kind of is) is a defining quality of heathland, which is...i'm not kidding, it's hot discourse about the difference between moorland and heathland.

i'm not getting involved, but my point is, if the gorse in the wind is a hymn about finding a working relationship, about mutual respect, etc., then the heather and earth is a hymn about working well together in a terrible situation.

god.

uh, wow! can you tell i like plants? because while parts of my ecology are dubious (see: everything regarding the rabbits in ch1), the plants part are well thought out. this shit is carefully detailed metaphor.

and that's why i won't be releasing a full hymnal. it's hard to as on top of this as i want to be. i'm not kidding, writing even four lines of a hymn usually takes me about twenty minutes, because i pull up a lot of research about how things work, how they interact with each other, etc., and then there's wordsmithing, cat worldview filter, etc.

but i hope this overview of what i've got is a good insight into my general thoughts. and i will eventually release more and more of the hymns i've got written.

[fondnesses]

roscoe’s notebook post

A while back I said I was going to write a post about the way I use notebooks for writing projects. This is the first of several posts about Writing Process I’ve been tossing around in my drafts for a little while as a result of conversations with friends, so bear with me.

I. Love. Notebooks. I genuinely would have to deeply overhaul my whole Process of writing anything on the longer side if I were to go paperless; I find physical paper pretty invaluable when I’m outlining, brainstorming, and researching, and I still probably write ¼-⅓ of all my actual content on paper first. (That proportion used to be a lot higher, but I’ve gotten better at being productive on a computer in recent years, which is great.) I’m a very visual person, so notebooks really help me visualize my ideas, story structure, etc. It’s very helpful to be able to use arrows and diagrams and physically strike things through, and the tactility is really soothing to me. If I show people my notebooks or talk about them, I often get a response like “this is so organized”, which is sort of true, but I have to stress that it’s “organization for a disorganized mind”; I can’t misplace ideas or notes if it all goes into the same physical object, vs. electronic notes, which are much more, like “Did I say that in a voice memo? PM it to myself on Discord? Leave it in a desktop sticky note? Write it directly into the Google Doc? Who knows! It’s lost to time!”. It’s very much an ADHD management strategy.

It helps that I’m a very neophyte stationery hobbyist and appreciate any excuse I have to use my pens, but I also will go off at any opportunity about how helpful I find them for writing projects, which is why I decided to just make a post about it. Right now I mostly use them for (fan and original) fiction projects, but I used a notebook for a very similar purpose when I was working on my undergrad thesis, and I have a slightly different but equally necessary-to-me approach to notebooks I use at work.

My typical structure for a notebook that’s devoted to one project only looks like this:

I always leave the first couple pages blank so I can go back and retroactively index bujo-style. I don’t always actually do the index, because sometimes I get too lazy, but I like having those blank pages there to give me the option. I also usually put epigraphs/inspo quotes on the first page.

After that, there’s often (but not always, I’ll talk about it) a couple pages at the start where I’m frantically jotting down loose brainstorming ideas before they've coagulated into a story structure. Just, like, vomiting into the void.

Stemming out of that, I usually write out about like 5-10 pages of outline-style notes in chronological order, laying out all the main story beats and charting out the story trajectory. This will inevitably get revised and rewritten many times, but I find the process of writing these wide-angle synopses really useful for dislodging ideas, making connections re: thematic threads, etc. from my brain.

I’ll devote a couple pages after that to specific things like "sex scene brainstorming", "random scene ideas/minor details that don't have a clear place in the outline right now but I'll turn to for inspo later" [this is what I refer to as “bits” in one of the later photos], "page where I just outline the Motifs And Themes", "research notes", "to-do list", "stuff to check on a second pass", "things to put in the a/n and AO3 tags", etc.--the specifics vary with the story.

Then, I skip ahead to approx. halfway through the notebook and cordon off the rest of the pages to be “free writing” space, AKA writing of actual content rather than planning, with the expectation there will be no internal organization and I’ll transcribe to laptop as I go. Writing on paper feels less binding than typing something on a computer; it’s like a little secret kept with myself, and it doesn’t need to go anywhere or be seen by anyone if I decide I don’t like it. Setting aside pages in the back half of the notebook means that, as more things come up re: planning, I can go back and add those in the rest of the pages that were intentionally left blank. This is how I avoid (for the most part) having the whole thing be a jumbled mess where there’s no separation between the notes and the actual story writing; I learned this the hard way via the first notebook I’ll show you in a second. I’ve recently gotten really into using Muji sticky note tabs to label any pages/sections of particular import that don't want to have to refer back to in the index and would rather just flip to instantly.

I do use notebooks that aren’t specific to any one project, but those are much less organized and less worth sharing.

Before I look at more recent stuff, here are some selections from my notebook for the project that got me into writing longfic, my Golden Kamuy canon divergence AU (with apologies for the bad photos, my phone’s camera is trash). I worked on this from Sept 2018-July 2019. It was a learning experience in a lot of ways, and notebook utilization was one of those. I’ve always used notebooks for keeping track of writing projects, as I said earlier, but before this it was largely without much organization or structure; just total chaos. Having a physical notebook became really important for this project because it was a sprawling multichapter story with rotating POVs and a lot of historical research. I also learned a lot about what not to do with a notebook, personally, or at least things that don’t work so well (for me). This was a college ruled spiral-bound Decomposition Book, for the record.

By the time I bought a notebook for it I already had a (very basic) plot outline in mind, so I wasn’t doing that very initial ground-zero brainstorming in here; I was copying out of my phone’s notes app, basically, and then going from there. 

This is one of the first pages in this notebook; I wanted to visualize the relationship web between the four central characters in the story in terms of how they feel about one another. The two colours correspond to the POV characters (Sugimoto in orange, Ogata in pink), and I used this colour-coding throughout the notebook with highlighters, etc. to keep track of information that was more relevant to one character than the other. Tsurumi and Yuusaku aren’t POV characters, but they’re prominent in the story and their presence impacts the central relationship between Sugimoto and Ogata, and it was helpful to me to map out the emotional ecosystem, as it were.

(There are coffee stains all over this, because I wrote the vast majority of the story in coffee shops because I didn’t want to be around my roommates, lol. This is part of why I never do fiction writing in notebooks that are too nice, I get neurotic about needing to keep them tidy. I can’t use ones that are too shit though, either, so it’s a bit of a narrow window. I’ll talk more about brands and paper quality etc. later.)

As you can see, this is the first page of many I set aside specifically for jotting down different pieces of historical information relevant to my story. It’s about fictional characters who are members of an army division that existed in real life, and both the canon and my fic involve a high level of attention to detail with regards to which divisions were present for which battles, etc., as well as general historical details specific to the Russo-Japanese War setting--what did people eat in the trenches? What did they do to fill time? How did they get through the winter? What did third party observers have to say about the conditions? What were the specs of their weaponry (particularly important because one of the POV characters is a sniper and gun nut)? I did a lot of reading (and watching of antique gun collector Youtube videos... the things I do for love, eh), and it came in handy so many times, because it turns out it’s much easier to write trench warfare slice of life if you have factual details to pull from when you don’t know what to do with a scene! Imagine that!

This is the first of three “grid outlines” I made; this is a way I sometimes like to visualize a story outline all on one page, with the columns representing chapters and the squares within the columns representing sections/scenes within the chapters. As you can see, early on I was hoping to get this done in five or even FOUR chapters (whatmakesyouhaha.mp3), with POV switches happening internally within the chapters. This proved to be unwieldy for many reasons, so I revised the outline:

Here I’d come to terms with the fact this story was going to have a lot more chapters than I’d planned, and I rearranged things so that it would happen in ten, with each chapter belonging to only one POV character. This also needed revising later, and in the end the story looked a bit more like this (though it did in fact end up being twelve chapters, but only because Chapter Ten was like, 12k, and needed to be split in two chunks):

I must have remembered to bring my fineliners to the coffee shop this time, lol, because as you can see it’s properly colour-coded this time. This outline was made when I was already four posted chapters into the fic, which hopefully gives you a sense of the way in which I am sort of a planner and a pantser; I can’t get into a longer project without an outline, but the outline inevitably changes many times throughout writing and I often end up with a finished product that looks pretty different from what I was intending. My creative M.O. as always is Do The Maximum! Amount! Of! Work! Possible!

This is what a “free writing” page looks like, for me. In this notebook I didn’t set aside any specific spaces for free writing so it’s strewn throughout the notebook in a really disorganized way and I was constantly flipping through looking for bits I’d written and forgotten to transcribe, and I decided to be more organized in future as a result of that. If something’s crossed through, that means I transcribed it. As you can see, they’re often small sections, sometimes just a coupled decontextualized sentences. About 3/4 of what I write in a notebook makes it into the story, I’d say; some of it never goes anywhere, and that’s OK. I have less of an issue killing my darlings if they never make it off the paper page.

A very brief, top-down chapter outline, where the goal was not to get too bogged down in details and just to visualize the beats and pin down what they’re trying to accomplish. Chapters for this fic typically ran about 6k, and five or six scenes per chapter was pretty common, so the average scene length was about 1-1.25k words/scene. IDK why I called it storyboarding when I didn’t make drawings. (Margin numbers are to keep track of word count, since I was using a daily word count tracker while writing this.)

This page was, as titled, for keeping track of the various balls in the air when I was about 2/3-3/4 of the way through the story and really feeling the pressure with regards to tying up the various loose ends. This was... a struggle. I hadn’t ever written anything longish (this fic ended up just under 70k) that had an action plot before, let alone a canon divergence scenario where I had to engage with and explain away various canon plot elements so I could maintain the audience’s suspension of disbelief.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I learned various “things not to do” with my notebooks while working on that project. One of those lessons I learned is to be more realistic when assessing how big a project is likely to get, not least because I RAN OUT OF PAGES around the chapter 9-10 mark. In my defense though, that’s because I’d never written anything even half this long! But I know better now, and try not to be in denial. Finishing the notebook early was a way bigger problem than I’d anticipated, and was part of the reason the last few chapters took several grueling months to finish. The issue was that I needed to be able to use a notebook to maintain my workflow--attempting to do it only on a computer was dismal--but it seemed silly to start a notebook of a similar size to the one I’d finished (80pg, approximately B5 dimensions) when there was no way it would need that much space, especially since the reference pages, like the historical notes, didn’t need to be transcribed over. I was also pretty broke at the time and didn’t want to spend money unnecessarily, lol. I tried to get by using a Moleskine Cahier for a month or so because I had one lying around, but it was horrid; it was too small to be used comfortably, it wasn’t spiral-bound so it wouldn’t lay flat, the ghosting is terrible and I hate the way Moleskine paper feels, etc. Eventually I caved and went to Muji and bought a 30ish page A5 with closer to lay-flat binding, and I finished the story in there. I would take a comparative pic for you of the relative notebook sizes and include some of the scene staging diagrams, etc. I put in there, but I can’t find it :(

So I learned that specs really do matter, and it’s okay to be picky if the pickiness is going to make the difference between actually using a notebook or not. Things that are important to me in my notebooks:

Ruling (gotta have ruling, I can suffer through grid but blank or dot is a no-go)

Size (I can’t use anything smaller than at least a medium-large notebook, I find it claustrophobic and get miserly about page space)

Binding (twin ring is my preference because it looks and feels better than a classic spiral but has the same comfort of use with regards to bending the pages back to suit workspace size and laying flat with ease)

Paper quality and colour (I don’t like anything too slippery/smooth or with too much visible ghosting, and I strongly prefer an off-white paper to bleached paper--part of why I don’t use Decomposition Books anymore, the paper is scratchy and it’s too damn bleached!)

Pagecount relative to size of project

Portability (in non-COVID times; anything bigger than a B5 wouldn’t fit in the satchel I used to bring to work at my old job), etc.

But everyone’s taste is different in this respect, and the only way to figure out what works for you is through trial and error, I’m afraid. I also suspect I’m more neurotic and particular about the sensory experience of using a notebook than most people are, but I yam what I yam.

Now to talk about the notebooks for my current projects, where I’ve refined my approach somewhat. I’ve included less photos for these because they’re ongoing WIPs I don’t want to spoil completely, but I’ve tried to include some outline-type stuff to give you an idea.

My big bang fic is in the very ugly twin ring notebook on the right; I got it at a dollar store by my house because I needed something to work in and didn’t want to wait for an online order, but it’s been very serviceable for my needs. The paper isn’t even bad. The bigger notebook (B5) is my Sangcheng fic.

I wanted something with a lot of pages for this, because I knew it was going to be a long story, and for some reason the fact it’s smaller than my usual preference doesn’t bug me (I think it’s an A5?); it just fits this story, somehow. I’m not sure exactly how many sheets are in here but I’d guess about 150.

Because this notebook has upwards of 100 sheets, I made a lot of use of sticky-note tabs to label high-priority pages. The colour coding of these doesn’t mean anything, it was just whichever ones I had at hand at any given moment. These are those tabs from Muji I mentioned, I’m really obsessed with them--the shape makes them so much less obtrusive and more practical than conventional squares/rectangles OR flag shapes, IME.

My big bang story is nonlinear, so, similarly to what I did with colour coding for the two POVs for my GK fic, this story has two main colours corresponding to whether a given section takes place in the “before” or the “after” portions of the timeline, with blue as “after”, yellow as “before”. This is what the most current version of the outline looks like in there:

If you squint, you can see the alphanumeric notes in the top right of each section entry; I gave them each a code like “A3″ or “B5″ corresponding to their position in the story sequence (so, it goes A1, B1, A2, B2, etc., through to B9 and then the epilogue). [Unintentional that this schema overlaps with notebook size labeling and so is kind of confusing in the context of this post.] At first I was just keeping track of the sections via the highlighted titles, but it got confusing because I’d write down “Wedding” or “Yiling” in my notes and then refer to the notes later like “but there are multiple marriages?? and multiple scenes in Yiling??”. Stuff gets struck through with a straight line if it’s been written in a more-or-less complete form and crossed out with a squiggly line if it’s been cut from the outline or made redundant.

As I said earlier, I started out all the initial brainstorming for my Sangcheng fic in its notebook, instead of brainstorming it in someone’s DMs/my notes app/a voice memo/etc. and then transcribing it into the notebook in a somewhat more organized fashion, which is how my stories usually start out. Because of this, the first five-ish pages are basically just stream of consciousness rambling where I was trying to jot down every disconnected thought I had about the story concept. I don’t have photos for that because it’s too spoilerific for later developments in the fic, but I can show you some of the stages the outlines went through, once I was able to corral those initial notes into a story structure:

All the chapters in this fic have their own highlighter colour, so when I started trying to make sense of my initial brainstorm notes I just went through and highlighted stuff in the colour of the chapter it would make the most sense for, and then transcribed things more-or-less in chronological order into the relevant chapter outline. I later ended up rewriting all the chapter outlines AGAIN to refine them and divide them internally by the individual scenes, which makes them a lot more legible and less wall-of-text-y. They look like this now, with about four sheets per chapter:

Because this fic is on the longer side, I have some pages that are just for keeping track of other story elements, like this, where I refer back to whatever the fuck the “themes” are supposed to be whenever I forget what this fic is about:

It’s all about the visionboarding... Anyway, that’s most of what I have to offer, since most of these two notebooks is Forbidden Content.

With regards to brands/supplies, I really like this Kokuyo Campus Wide notebook that I’m writing Sangcheng in, it’s pretty perfect for me. I also like the B5 Muji twin rings, but those only come in 30 sheets, so I wouldn’t use it for anything above a ~20k project. The B5 Maruman Spiral Note 6.5mm ruled/80 sheet is another good one, though I wish it was twin ring instead of spiral. As you can tell, I like Japanese stationery brands because it’s easier to find decent paper quality and minimalist design without shelling out $$ than it is with American/European brands, at least IME. I like Rollbahns too. But honestly, I can usually find pretty serviceable random notebooks that aren’t brand-name from Asian dollar stores; it’s really not something where you need to shell out tons of money.

[hollowisthyname]

Hello, Icarus! Please infodump to me about Danganronpa?

okay so! I had written out a whole thing but then tumblr deleted it! so that was fun! /s but now that I know what I'm going to write it's much easier, so that's good 😌

n e ways, I'm gonna do like a basic timeline w explanations and some other stuff that hopefully I'll remember once I start writing!! so let's go :D

a list of everything danganronpa in chronological order (not the order that you should play/watch the stuff in, I'll put that in the explanations)

Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope's Peak High School - Despair Arc (DR3) - second anime, watch along with the Future and Hope arcs after playing the first two games (and UDG if you want to). backstory for the cast of the second game.

Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (THH) - first main game, play first. also has an anime that's basically the same as the game, but since there's not enough time to put everything from the game into the anime I definitely recommend playing the game. high school students from a prestigious school trapped in said school are forced to play a killing game, hijinks ensue.

Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls (UDG) - third game, not main. play after playing the first two games. very different game mechanics from the main three, and widely considered not cannon by the fandom. I like it though, and it introduces a lot of really interesting characters along with giving a v underdeveloped character from the first game a lot more character development. it's not necessary to play it (though one of the characters plays a pretty big part in the third anime, so that would make more sense if you already knew her), but I think it's interesting and fun. there are also robot fights.

Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair (DR2 or SDR2) - second main game, play after playing the first game. same basic premise as the first game, except it's a different class (same school though) and this time they're on an island. even more hijinks and plot twists than the first game.

Super Danganronpa 2.5: Komaeda Nagito to Sekai no Hakaimono - (I could only find the Japanese title for this one, sorry 😔) kinda also part of the second anime? watch after playing the first two games (and UDG if you want) and watching DR3. character is woken up from a coma via overdramatic and overpowered other character.

Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope's Peak High School - Future and Hope Arcs (DR3) - second anime, watch along with the Despair arc after playing the first two games (and UDG if you want to). aftermath of the first two games.

Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony (DRV3) - third main game, fourth game in total. I don't actually know when it happens bc they're v secretive about everything, so I'm just putting it last. play last. same premise as the first two, the class is trapped in a school with a courtyard and a huge sort of dome around everything. peak hijinks, too many plot twists to count.

woo!! that's the timeline as I know it, hopefully I didn't miss anything. and I have managed to remember what else I was going to say, so let's move on to section two:

the mechanics of the games

danganronpa is, at its core, a glorified visual novel. every character has a certain amount of sprites for when they talk, as well as voice lines that aren't usually the exact text on the screen but fit the vibe of whatever they're saying. and as I've said before, there's quite a lot of talking. these games have more plot than should really be possible and most or all of it is done through dialogue. cutscenes and class trials are the only parts that are reliably fully voice acted, but there are a lot of those.

as for the parts that are less visual novel-y: you can walk around, and the settings are pretty much as 3d as the 2d-ish style of the game allows. you can also click on things, and sometimes clicking on stuff will get you monocoins, the currency of the game, which means you'll be able to buy presents for the characters!!

"now why do I need presents for the characters?" you ask. well, that's because you're given a certain amount of free time each game to hang out with characters you want to get to know better! the game's ending is fixed, so you won't change the course of the game by who you do or don't hang out with, but you can learn more about characters and become closer to them! giving them presents they like makes them like you more :D

and the most exciting part of danganronpa, what a lot of people play the games for, the true lure of the game.... the class trials!!

so these characters are in a killing game, right? basically, they're faced with a sort of lose-lose predicament: stay trapped in the school forever, or kill one of your classmates to "graduate". but it's not as simple as that, because in order to graduate, you can't be caught. and how do you determine whether or not a criminal has been found out? well, a trial of course!

enter the class trials. every student (barring dead or severely wounded ones) is required to participate in a kind of mock trial- except someone's really dead, and they need to find the murderer or they'll all die too.

(right, did I forget to mention that? only one person can graduate. getting out alive insures that none of your classmates get the luxury of doing the same.)

so, yeah. the class trials are a true fight for life on both sides, because who ever loses will be executed.

and they're really, really fun.

entirely voice acted! enough minigames that the list of them is probably longer than this entire post! the joy of solving the mystery! the... execution, right in front of everyone.

hey, it's a dark game. not like they're trying to hide that. and the executions aren't actually all that gory most of the time, but they're still very much there and onscreen. also as close to fully animated as the games ever get, which is pretty cool.

so how the class trials work is this:

there's a murder. dun dun duuuun. you investigate everywhere related to the murder to get "truth bullets", which are the reason you don't immediately fail at the trials. you don't have to remember all of them, they're all written down in your e-handbook. plus, the protagonists all seem to have really good memories.

time for the actual class trial!! Monokuma (asshole bear running the killing game) introduces everything, explains the rules. and everyone starts talking.

there are a lot of different parts to the class trial, but most of it is "nonstop debates". everyone talks one after the other, and you have to find inconsistencies and shoot the right "weak spot" with the right truth bullet. you refute the lie or mistake and everyone goes back to arguing normally.

there's also hangman's gambit (weird hangman to find a key word), multiple choice things (self-explanatory), and plenty of others.

near the end of the trial (or sometimes only a little over halfway in, it varies), the killer will.... kind of become obvious. there's a specific kind of change in behavior that's the mark of the murderer in these games, but I'm not sure how to describe it exactly. a lot of times there's an accent change, and in general they start acting much more erratic. since it's a trial, though, even after this presents itself you still have to prove your case beyond reasonable doubt.

and once it's become clear to the killer that they're backed into a corner, you have to do the "bullet time battle". it goes by different names in different games, but the basic mechanics are the same: you battle against a student (usually the killer, but not always) in a rhythm-based battle where you have to click to the rhythm to refute your opponent's statements. once you've dealt enough damage, you shoot the final piece of evidence, and that's the end of it.

the murderers react differently different times. sometimes they break down and confess. sometimes they keep denying it. sometimes, they're just calm. however they act, though, the end is the same. they are caught and punished accordingly.

but before that, there's one more thing to do. the closing argument.

your final task is to explain how the murder was committed, from idea to execution (look, a pun! see I can be funny too 😌). and you have to do it... as a manga.

you don't have to draw the whole thing yourself ofc- you just have to fill in the missing panels and then watch as the protagonist narrates it to the rest of the class.

and that's all for the class trial, not counting the long talks after every execution while still in the courtroom.

wow, this is getting...... really, really long. there's only one more thing I'm gonna add, and I promise it will be much shorter than the other two bc it is late and I am officially Incredibly Fucking Tired.

with no further ado, a very short part three:

my general impression of the game. its vibes or smth, I dunno this is just what i think about it

when I first heard of danganronpa, I thought it was a horror game. I can now assure you that it is not. thriller? maybe. debatable. but definitely not horror.

and despite its extremely dark premise, this game is not all doom and gloom. there's so much stuff about hope, and overcoming despair even when it seems impossible... it's not exactly a happy game, but there's a lot more of that in there than you'd probably expect.

all in all, I love this game. so much. it means a lot to me, and I think it's a really good game. thanks for letting me talk about it so much asdhfd :D

[sapphicscholar]

2020 Fic Year-in-Review!

It has been ... a year (both for global/national and personal reasons). I did less writing than I had planned to. Didn’t finish those WIPs like I promised myself I would. But! I worked my butt off to be there 110% for my students, and I still managed to write words and new fics! (According to AO3, I came in just under 200,000 words written/posted this year, which is more than I expected and a nice little boost.) 

With the whole “5 fics you’re proudest of” end-of-year meme going around (thanks for the heads up about it @chainofclovers!) and having been tagged at some point in a fic-in-review thing whose questions I’ve lost, I want to focus on being happy with some of the things I did! So, without further ado, 5 fics in chronological order of posting that I’m proud of!

1. Swipe Right for Soulmates - Supercat, T

In general, I really dislike soulmate AUs, and that’s putting it lightly. I’ve read a handful I adore; I’ve tried to write through my issues with the trope a few times; and this is perhaps my favorite of my attempts at playing with it! I got to do a few fun things with genre in this rival-CEO fic and write Cat and Kara into a rivals-to-friends-to-lovers arc, which I don’t think we get too often with this pairing. Anyway, it was fun and felt different, and it still makes me smile!

2. Your fav is in fandom series - one Supercat, M; one Sanvers, T

These two one-shots are meant as a  kind of cracky love letter to fandom and the kinds of relational practices it can foster at its best. It came to be in the early weeks of the pandemic and lockdown in the US when, utterly unable to sleep one night (all the nights?!?), I turned to my wife at 1am and asked: “So...which one of the Supergirl characters would be the fandom asshole?” Originally there was meant to be a third fic feat. Lucy/Alura (Majorly Judging You) with my personal headcanon that Lucy organizes the big annual events like fic exchanges and ship weeks and that Alura takes the whole “thank your mods!” A/Ns very seriously, messaging Lucy each and every day of an event with personalized thank you notes that lead to a friendship, then more. 

3. If you give an alien a syllabus... - General Danvers, G

Another love letter--this time to community colleges and the wonderful people who staff and attend them. This fic felt vital when I was writing it (there was a lot of stuff going on at my own university and many across the country that I was putting my job on the line to fight), and it was meant as a gift for a close friend who teaches at a local community college at a time when we couldn’t see each other in person. Even though I’ve only ever written a couple General Danvers fics, I quite enjoy fics about them (they were some of the earliest ones I ever read in the Supergirl tag!), and it’s always a lovely fandom to visit!

4. you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else - Supercat, E

Despite being the only angsty thing I’ve written in quarantine when most of my fics have trended toward the cracky or the weird, I actually really enjoyed this smutty, feelings-heavy, years-later/post-breakup Supercat fic! I know that fic often shows some of the best of what life and love can be (which is awesome, even if I’m partial to messy characters who don’t do well with or think of themselves as deserving or wanting a neat happily ever after trajectory), but this felt a little gritty in ways that I personally like. It’s the aftermath of two complicated women coming together and shattering, showcasing all the messy emotions that remain when they start the process of picking those pieces back up and finding a new way to put them back together. Hilariously, I went into it envisioning something with a similar premise but lighter--essentially what would be a part 2 to this fic if I ever wrote it. It was meant to be about Cat and Kara after this initial moment of coming back together for the first time in years, seeing them sneak around almost like teenagers as they tried to keep this precious thing to themselves while they rekindled it and figured out what it could be away from the judgment of everyone who was there when they fell apart the first time. 

5. Writing Retreats Are For Lovers - Supercat, M

Another AU! Well, Cat’s pretty much canon Cat, but featuring ABD PhD candidate Kara who meets her at a writing retreat as she tries to get the dissertation written and Cat finally gets a writing coach to help her through the worst case of writers’ block she’s had in years. It hit close to the heart and was very, very fun to write! I always have fun getting to bring characters into new settings to see what about them is integral to who they are and what is context-dependent, much like I’m intrigued by the different (and very similar!) ways relationship dynamics play out, especially early on, when the characters are in new settings and/or roles.

Honorable Mention: Queen of All Mediums - Supecat, G

It’s weird and quirky and a first foray into writing a historical AU based on a period I know so much--like, too much--about to start figuring out how to strike that balance between “what do people need to know for your fic?” vs. “what do you want people to know but honestly it won’t hurt their experience of the story if they don’t?” I have a very long nineteenth-century authors period piece all outlined, which I’ve debated trying to make original fiction or a Supercat fic. I don’t know where it’ll go, if anywhere, but it was nice getting to dip my toes into the historical romance genre here, even if it’s just a tiny little one-shot about spiritualism with a sprinkling of nineteenth-century class and gender politics in the US. 

Theres a lot I could say about trends in my fic writing this year (so little angst! largely AU! no new WIPs!), but I won’t bore you all with my theories about why x or why not y. I wasn’t surprised by most of what I found looking through what I wrote, though I was shocked to find that I wrote only Supergirl pairings this year--a variety of pairings (only some of which appear on this list), but still. My writing and reading didn’t match up at all, and my random fic outlines and drafty drafts also include a much broader variety (some seeds of what was, at one point, to become a multi-chapter Grace/Frankie fic that I think I’ll need to ease into with a couple one-shots; several fully sketched out SwanQueen fics from binge-watching the whole series for the first time during the pandemic and having SO MANY thoughts about both the show’s promising notes and its many disappointments, as well as the fandom’s fabulous works; and a handful of notes about Dead to Me that are honestly closer to meta than fics proper anyway).

Honestly I’d love to see other people doing this! Consider yourself tagged, and feel free to tag me in your responses--I’d love to hear all about what writing you’re proud of!