#and if I may say so I believe the fact that middle aged and older women play them may contribute to this!

[hashtag-anthems]

alright we're doing it lads we are writing an academic paper about bg3

[tothosewholisten]

Forever Healed | TUA insert

Chapter: 00

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Masterlist

…

On the 12th hour of the first day of October 1989. 43 women around the world gave birth. This was unusual in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began.

Sir Reginald Hargeeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.

He got seven of them, yes seven.

..

MARCH 21, 2019

I have to be at least somewhat proud of myself for lasting this long. I thought as I sat on the bus, not everyday you are born with magical powers and are destined to save the world from evil. Yes, hearing myself think that sounds crazy. But that's normal in my life.

I had reached my stop after a half an hour of sitting with my earbuds in, listening to nothing at all. I just wanted to seem unapproachable on the sketchy city bus.

My destination was a terribly designed office building, the space was so crammed and ugly it made me want to turn right back around and get on that bus again. But I didn't because I was trying to convince myself that this would be good for me, but I didn't believe my words.

I was about to have a therapy session with some middle-aged white lady who has glasses and tell her all of my life issues, starting every week at 5pm..

It's not like I had anything else going on, I haven't had work for days now. So I thought I'd give it a shot.

The waiting process made me anxious as hell, I finally got the courage to walk up to the front desk and gave the man who sat there my name. And now I have to wait for this lady to get done with some other patient.

I sat on a chair and frowned, like she is really going to be focused on "my" problems and not the 30 other people she sees today.

I swear it was only a second into me zoning out when I heard my name yelled. "Y/n L/n? It's so nice to meet you!" A woman said, when i looked up at her i saw the exact lady i was describing earlier to the closest details.

I let her lead me to a smaller room that looked way better than the lobby. It had two chairs, a water machine, some fidget items and a large window view of the city. Gloria, I learn to be the name of my therapist, asks me to sit with her.

She clears her throat, "I know this is our first session so you may not be the most comfortable sharing details. But I'd like to know a little bit about you if you're okay sharing."

“Well, I’m 29 years old and a home care nurse.” I say slowly. Hearing the words leave my mouth I knew I haven’t amounted to a lot in my years.

"Oh wow, 29? I would've never guessed that Y/n, you don't look a day over 21" Gloria complimented me i give her a tiny smile in return.

I'm not sure why that is, I get that a lot in my working field. Older women saying that they wished they looked as young as me.

"That's a great start for today's session." She smiles, "A little bit me is, you know my name already but I'm 56 years old since Monday. I have 3 children and a cat named Mr. Furball."

I regret what i said earlier because I think I already like Gloria and not just because of Mr. Furball. But the fact that she has a calming sense about her. I find myself listening to what she's saying, and I rarely do that with people nowadays.

"But I would like to hear more about your upbringing, how’d you become the fine young lady you are today?" She says.

Oh, she wants to hear about my childhood. I mean I knew she would ask but so soon, I'm worried about saying anything. So I told her that.

"I'm worried about opening up to someone about my past cause well I've never done it before." I said.

She hands me a cup of water. "That's okay Y/n, we can take it at your pace."

“I grew up in a small house with my mom and dad until I was twelve. When I was scouted by Reginald Hargreeves because of my unique abilities. And I've been there ever since I was 18 when I moved out to live on my own.” I waited for the burst of confusion I was about to get from Gloria. Not everyday one of the Umbrella Academy walks into your office.

“Oh wow…” she says, eyes wide. “You're one of those superheroes? That’s amazing wow.” She nervously chuckles “I’m sorry I’m normally not this shocked about things, and I hear a lot on the daily.”

“It’s okay” I say, staring at my hands.

She clears her throat. “I'm sure being apart of the Umbrella Academy was big but could you tell me about your life before that?”

I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, pictured my childhood in my brain and opened my mouth.

"Well, I'm sure to this day my father still thinks that my mother cheated on him, due to his "daughter's" virgin Mary-like creation since they were just newlyweds. He held it against my mother all of her life." I took a sip of water and continued.

"I'm not sure why he turned to alcohol. But that turned out as you could expect. He turned on everyone around him and acted like a beast. He regularly attacked my mom for anything she did wrong. But what made him more angry was that his freak of a daughter could heal her mother, after every beating."

"My mom told me before I left I had made her so much happier and in her words. She didn't even question these strange occurrences; she knew her baby was special." I smiled a bit.

I could tell that Gloria was painting a picture in her head of what I was describing too.

"And by the age of 8, I was standing up to my father, even if it didn't end so well. I'd get the beating instead but by the next day, my bloody body would be as good as new. On the surface at least, I had lots of internal issues from that time. But none of that stopped my father from trying to get equal with me.." I stopped talking after that.

My eyes could only focus on my right hand as it was picking at my left hand's skin. It was a habit I picked up as soon as I started to use my powers because I knew my skin would be right back to normal in the next few minutes.

"That's awful y/n I'm so sorry." She frowned. "Would you be okay with continuing?"

I blink up at her. “Yes, that would be okay,” I said. “Then there was this one day..”

..

17 YEARS AGO

“In five, four, three, two. This is Jim Hellerman, reporting live for channel 2 News outside of the Capital West Bank at Main and Sixth. A group of heavily armed men stormed the bank not three hours ago and took an unknown number of hostages.”

That was the big news update of September 2002, I remember. Well I don’t really have to think about it much because I was there with my mom at the bank. She planned on making some deposit when we were screamed at, not to leave by a man who had his gun pointed at us along with so many other civilians. He taped us up and told us to stand in a corner.

That was the first and only time I feared for my life. Police didn’t want them to start shooting, so they didn’t come into the building. Meaning that we were on our own and could die at anytime

One of the armed men walks into the scene unfolding. Sirens blaring, people getting shoved around and threats being made to the innocent.

“Now you’ve put me in a position where I gotta do something I don't want to do. Hmm?” He said talking to another person on his walkie talkie.

My mom brought me closer to her trying to use her body as a shield if things went south. And to us we thought they were about to be.

But strangely, a girl walked up to the man. She’d looked to be around my age in a school uniform and cartoon mask. Her loose curls bounced in the wind as she skipped up to him.

“Shit!” He screams putting his device down. Not noticing the girl until a few seconds after his outburst. “Hey, get back with the others.” He told her, trying to sound intimidating but she didn’t seem to fear him at all.

“I heard a rumor.” She spoke out.

He bent a little to reach her height and get in her face. “What? What did you say?”

She leaned in and cupped her hand to mimic whispering in his ear but loud enough for all of us to hear. “I heard a rumor that you shot your friend in the foot.”

Without any hesitation he did what she commanded and shot the nearest armed man who happened to be trying to rough up my mom. We screamed as he kept shooting.

“We just heard shots from inside the bank. It’s uncertain if any hostages have been harmed in that.”

“There’s some movement on the roof. Possibly law enforcement.”

A loud crash and a boy landed down from the roof. It was crazy he wasn’t harmed at all from that high distance. He was also wearing the same mask and uniform as the girl but he had blond hair. From where he landed he jumped on one of the robbers and started beating him to a pulp, and then throwing him out a glass window.

“Looks like one of the armed robbers had been thrown from the bank.”

Another boy with brown hair runs in from the opposite doors as the girl and yells. “Guns are for sissies. Real men throw knives.” He then threw one of his knives and it curved in the air hitting a robber no where close to where the knife had originally been heading. It was incredible.

“I've been in many hostage situations like this, and it can escalate very quickly.”

The original man hops on a table pointing his gun out at the two of the before seen children plus another one. “Get back you freaks” he says walking back and forth in fear.

“Hey, be careful up there, buddy.” The knife boy calls out.

“Get back now!” The man screams.

“Yeah, I wouldn't want you to get hurt.” The girls mocking voice says.

Right before my eyes another boy teleports behind the man, sitting criss-cross on the table. “Or what?” He said calmly.

The man turns around and shoots at him but before the bullets could hit he teleports again. This time standing up with his arms crossed, clearly not impressed. But the man tries to shoot again.

“Ooh! That’s one badass stapler!” The boy laughs. The man no longer had a gun anymore but a stapler placed in his hand by the kid instead. The boy shoves the stapler into his face and the big man falls back, head hitting the floor before his body does.

“Although there’s been no activity for a few minutes, we’re gonna stay live on location to make sure we don’t miss a thing. In this hostage situation at the Capital West bank.”

The five already counted for children make way for the last and shortest one to make his move. “Do we really need to do this?” He talks quietly.

The blonde one replies to him. “Come on, Ben. There’s more guys in the vault.” So his name was Ben huh?

Ben sighs, “I didn't sign up for this.” Before walking into the room with more people. Large black tendrils illuminated the room as men screaming could be heard behind the door. And a beast roars but then the sound stops and Ben walks out again, this time covered in blood and guts.

He breathes heavily. “Can we go home now?” I felt bad for him.

The kids untied our hands and told us to run. And once it was clear to go my mom started to run out of the doors thinking I was right behind her.

“Now we see the hostages. They�� They’re free. They’re scared clearly but they do seem to be unharmed.”

But I was behind her trying to help this older woman who’d slipped on the floor. As I was helping her, the kids walked out too.

“People are coming out now. It’s not the armed robbers. These are schoolchildren in uniforms with masks on. Jim Hellerman, Channel 2 News.”

But there was one not accounted for robber, the one from earlier who had been shot in the foot. I started to run out and call out to my mom who was outside. When the man got up from the floor, cocked his gun and shot at the kids.

Fortunately, he missed them but the bullet hit me.

Questions being asked to the children stopped when they saw my body flail onto the floor outside of the bank doors. I was shot right in the chest. There was blood everywhere and it started to leak over to where the kids were standing. They turned around to see where it was coming from..

Everyone looked horrified and there was a bunch of screaming. Mainly from my mother who was wailing as she ran over to hold me to her chest screaming for me to wake up. And that will be engraved in my memory forever after this day, I never wanted to hear her like this ever again.

Police started to rush over but in a matter of minutes, a miracle seemed to happen. At least to the city that is. There was a yellowish glow around my chest and the blood seemed to have reversed back into my body. Even the stains on my blue dress were gone. The bullet even spit out of my chest; it was truly witchcraft.

My eyes then shot open as I started to breathe in and out.

I don't exactly remember what I felt during those moments but I'm sure I left those people around me stunned. After all this was their first look at powers.

I couldn't care what the paramedics were talking about above my body. I was focused on the 6 children looking at me bewildered as well as the old-looking man with them and whatever my mom was saying at the time.

I was put on a stretcher and rushed to a hospital for evaluations after the pandemics came but they never found anything. It was like everything was perfectly reattached.

But as I was leaving I could see the news reporters zeroing in on the kids trying to get the details on how these children saved the bank from thievery.

“Our world is changing.” The man spoke to the crowd. “Has changed. There are some among us gifted with abilities far beyond the ordinary.” He said looking back at the children. But they weren’t paying attention, some were staring at my ambulance and some eyes were on the ground.

“I have adopted seven such children. I give you the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.”

I now realize thinking back, the seventh person he was talking about was me..

..

PRESENT DAY

My mouth felt like it was moving faster than my brain so I took a pause and chugged the rest of my water cup.

Once again Glorias eyes were wide open. As she took some notes down in a notebook I never noticed beyond this point.

"Uh once I got home I remember the house phone noise filled my house with its nonstop ring, the other person on the phone would change my life forever when he came in.”

“And who was that person?" Gloria asked.

"Reginald Hargeeves, eccentric billionaire and caring father from what the public knew.." I rolled my eyes.

"So I'm guessing it wasn't really like that" she asked carefully.

"He was never a father really, more like a hard state-national basketball coach." She wrote that down.

"I guess it was a hard decision for my parents to make well, my mother. My father was ready to give me up as soon as Reginald stepped foot in my small house."

"And I'm sure they thought there was nothing bad about the offer they were given, he promised I'd be raised in a steady environment with the best schooling and my powers would be used for the greater good. And in exchange, my parents would get a large sum of money for my absence."

"What were you doing during this?" Gloria worried.

"I think I was just sitting right there next to my mom actually. I definitely didn't understand at that point what was happening to me. Still thinking about the events of that day.”

"And then I was being taken out of my only home in the blink of an eye. I resisted the people taking me, starting with screaming and then kicking and then running. Back to my mom's arms, Reginald himself had to pull me away from her. The deal had already been struck and there was no taking me back."

Now looking back at my hands I could only see small teardrops on my palms. Gloria reached for a tissue from the other side of the room. "Thank you," I said as I wiped my eyes.

"I like to think that my mom was upset that day but the memory has already started to fade as I reached adulthood.

You know after that day I was no longer 'Y/n L/n' no, I was known by my new name.. Zero Hargeeves."

..

I decided that was the end of my story, at least for now because I couldn't place the pieces together anymore. I was full-on sobbing at that point.

Gloria decided to bring up something more light to talk about next but I don't remember what it was because I'd zoned out and thought about the cat she'd told me about earlier.

The two hours seemed to fly by because the last thing I heard her say was if I didn't have anything else to talk about then that would be the end of the session. My legs seemed to move on their own as I walked out of that building. I would come back at the same time next week and honestly, I think therapy was for the best. I forgot about how I felt about all these things for the longest time.

I started the journey back to the bus stop, stopping to look in the windows of shops.

Shops like bakeries and bookstores and other things like that. Until I came to a stop in front of a store with a TV sticking out in the window.

My eyes scanned the screen and they went wide. The lady on the news had a somber expression as someone died. I was feeling sad for the person's family, but then I read the red-blaring headline.

The person who died was Reginald Hargeeves...

...

Aug 14 update:

If you'd like to be added to the tag list for rest of the series (starts at chapter 10) say taglist in the comments!

[olderthannetfic]

Anon from 722398181104795649 again about YA as a G-D and it's failure(s). Your response is really interesting because it definitely aligns with the market research I've had to do over the last 3-ish months for work. Adult YA readers want YA to skew older superficially as escapism from the woes of adulthood (It's like someone who orders a pasta with broccoli in it because they appreciate the flavor it brings, but they have no interest in actually eating their vegetables). Teenagers feel alienated by the G-D that is meant for them no longer allows them to confront said woes with honesty or maturity for their age to prepare them for adulthood or discussing broader ideas. More teenagers skip over YA altogether or just reader adult genre fiction with some Middle Grade fiction mixed in because the teenagers feel in MG, there's still an honesty to the stories that they can understand, having once been young children. In short: teenagers think YA books are talking down to or patronizing them.

The result is YA authors pushing for NA, New Adult, as a G-D, which hasn't taken off within tradpub outside of romance circles. Mostly, because what they're pushing for is already an established genre for around a century: campus novels--books about characters 18+ who are entering college, establishing independence, beginning to explore sexuality and enter the workforce, etc. But, again, YA adult readers refuse to engage with adult genre fiction because there isn't the facade of protection from adult themes or topics, and there's an aggressive refusal among many agents in literary fiction (and some adult genre fiction) to encourage authors to sanitize their stories. YA authors began attempting to cross over into adult genre fiction with mixed, but overwhelmingly negative, results, as they cannot shake the stigma of writing YA. And the genre fiction crowds they want to appeal to have higher standards, typically, than the average YA writer is able to meet. YA authors then complain about the differences in publishing YA and genre adult fiction. It's like when MCU actors and directors get upset when prestige film directors don't consider MCU movies to be "cinema."

--

This is fascinating.

I pretty much missed the YA boom (slightly too old, not paying attention, etc.), so I've mostly encountered YA through its worst evangelists of the Hunger Games knockoff era, and often a good bit after their favorite books were at their height.

As I've said before, this really strikes me as that pattern where something is big when you're at a formative age, and it becomes the Normal Default to you.

I'm sure some of it is refusal to engage with adult nuance, but I'll bet a lot of it is resistance to leaving the name of YA behind. People spent so much time defending this niche that they started believing their own rhetoric about it being the only place the good queer stuff was or the feminist stuff was or whatever. They identified really strongly as A YA Fan. It's hard to let that go.

And if you don't remember much about pre-YA boom publishing, the fact that all that YA-tastic Mercedes Lackey stuff was filed under fantasy, not YA is completely obscure. The places you find stuff you'd like that aren't called "YA" are not obvious. The fact that YA in its boom era form isn't universal and eternal is not obvious.

I think people are waiting for their Cool Era of their early 20s to return and for the things they think should always be in fashion to come back... Like everyone else aging ungracefully, they may be waiting a while.

Gotta say, every New Adult book I've been shown sounds like a hideously boring contemporary romance that would probably make a good coffee shop AU against a backdrop of a canon that's dark or magical but that isn't really pulling its weight even if you like contemporaries.

[danfengfan]

virtual love ; prologue

synopsis : two high school students grew up studying as middle schoolers. although it doesnt seem like they ended on good terms

you tap your pencil on your japanese dictionary as you tried racking your brain for ideas

“愛してる… what else ends in てる?”

you sigh as you scrap your unfinished plan. your japanese teacher had asked you and several other students to create a poem about love in japanese. you knew you made decent poems but youve never attempted making any in said language. luckily your parents allowed you to stay at the library after school for a longer time so you can work more proficiently

you started to get lost in your head, staring blankly at the swarm of people. that was until a boy around your age comes up to your table

“may i sit here? i need to complete an essay”

you stared up with an absent mind at the boy, enjoying how soft his voice was until you realized he asked you something. you scrambled to organize some of the papers that were messily scattered around the small round table

“of course”

you accidentally squeak as you speak, a barley visible blush on your face as you tried to smile. you probably looked like a mess but the young boy didnt seem to mind it as he sat down in a steady manner

once the boy was seated, you tried to continue where you left off. you looked at the dictionary placed in front of you, almost taunting you, before looking up again. the boy had fluffy dark hair, a nice shade of blue makes up his eyes, perhaps he was in a rush this morning with how his hair fell in front of his face, the way you can see knots and tangles in his hair

thats when you notice it. hey, isnt that the uniform for your school? you look down and compare the two, and they were in fact (mostly) identical. you took a breath in before asking,

"hey, dont we go to the same school?"

you could feel your voice shake as you spoke each word, successfully catching the attention of the boy in front of you

"i believe so. youre in 7年级, right?"

"yeah i am"

"im a year older than you then, 8年级"

you start to feel yourself heat up with embarrassment. you werent exactly sure why but you had a guess. you closed your eyes to avoid eye contact with the stranger in front of you

"ohh, i see. thats nice"

you nod your head, soft smile on your face. dan heng only smile back before seemingly returning back to his book. you feel words get stuck on your tongue as you long to talk to the boy more but you simply left the conversation at that and went back to your poem. you have a faint idea in your head from your new interaction but before you could do anything, the dark-haired boy in front of you spoke up

“私は丹恒です”

“huh?”

“私の名前は丹恒です. あなたの名前は何ですか?”

“私の名前は...(name) です, よろしくお願い します”

“非常好”

“谢谢! did you also take japanese?”

your eyes sparkled as you continued to converse with dan heng. now that you knew his name, the air seeming to become more relaxed around you two

“yeah, last year”

dan heng nodded his head, seemingly bashful as his cheeks get coated with a very light pink. the tension between you two gets a lot less awkward as you two settle into a comfortable silence. well, as much you two could get in a crowded library

you softly turn the pages of your book as you let the words run free from your head to the paper. you knew you were being a bit delusional writing any sort of romance story between you and dan heng, a boy you literally met that day, but you cant help but silently laugh as you reread your poem

and just like that the days passed so quickly. dan heng and you still sat down together, even if the library had free seats. even if you guys didnt talk often, you still sat together. it felt like you only knew dan heng a week when it finally hit your one year anniversary

and the next year… and the year after, and as much as you would like to say the year after you cant. theres a bitter feeling in your mouth if you even try to mention it

you were just sitting, innocently waiting for dan heng to arrive, a gift on the table just for him. your eyes lit up as you saw his figure

“happy 3rd year anniversary”

you chirp, a wide smile on your face. your smile was never reciprocated as dan heng spoke up

“im leaving.. tomorrow. if i can, i might see you before i leave”

dan heng quietly tells you, his voice deep with a plethora of guilt and sadness. your smile immediately falters as you look at him with a hopeless smile

“youre kidding? right?”

“no, im not. its… family issues”

you just sigh as you nod your head in defeat

“well, open your gift. least we can do is have a nice day together”

dan heng chuckles at your attempt to lighten the mood. he places his gift on the table before he takes yours, opening it to find a small keychain, in the shape of a spear. dan heng smiles before looking at you with anticipation. at first you were confused before you realized he was waiting for you to open the gift

you blush in embarrassment before grabbing the box, opening it with excitement. you were so curious what dan heng got for you this year, he was always do attentive

this year proved it even more. dan heng had gotten you your own phone, set with a little dragon phone charm. you werent sure why he got you a dragon charm to match but you were still very grateful. how could you ever repay him back?

“ah, this is too much… i cant possibly have it”

“no, no, i insist. take it, you deserve it”

you bashfully nod your head, knowing you could never win against dan heng in these kind of battles

the next day, you didnt expect dan heng to meet you, but he did. except he was different. you almost contemplating not coming but you were glad as you cheerfully greet him, almost crying of relief. you knew dan heng would leave after but you were clutching onto any last scrap of hope that dan heng will still be there the next day

“id like to deliver a message. how about you back off, kay? id say i hate you so thanks”

‘dan heng’ told you brusquely, a fake smile on his face as his eyes closed. it didnt take long for them to open again as he gracefully walks out of the library

you were sat frozen, unsure what he meant. back off? huh? he hates you. was dan heng just leading you on? you dwell on his words, your pen shaking ever so slightly in your hand as you slightly tremble at the thought

and all these thoughts run in your head aided in your tears. the warm liquid flowing down your cheeks seemingly invisible to you. it wasnt until the librarian came up and asked if you were okay. you did your best to answer without a voice-crack

“yeah, yeah, im… okay”

the librarian looked at you suspiciously before nodding their head and leaving back to their post. it didnt take you long before you put back all your books and left the library, vowing to never get tricked like that again, vowing to never fall in love so easily again.

really you wouldnt have minded falling in love with someone. as long as it wasnt dan heng

dictionary (includes japanese + mandarin)

ᵎᵎ im still learning japanese and my mandarin is rusty, please correct me if anything is incorrect

愛してる (aishiteru) : i love you

╰┈➤ てる (teru) isnt supposed to mean anything here, just as something to rhyme

7年级 qī nián jí : 7th grade

╰┈➤ first year of middle school in china

8年级 bā nián jí : 8th grade

╰┈➤ second year of middle school in china

私は丹恒です (watashi wa dan heng desu) : i am dan heng

╰┈➤ im not exactly sure if 丹 would ne perceived as dan still (＞﹏＜)

私の名前は丹恒です. あなたの名前は何ですか? (watashi no namae wa dan heng desu. anata no namae wa nandesuka?) : my name is dan heng. what is your name?

私の名前は...(name) です, よろしくお願い します (watashi no namae wa... (name) desu, yorushiku onegai shimasu) : my name is... (name), its nice to meet you

╰┈➤ replace (name) with your name

非常好 (fēi cháng hǎo) : good job

谢谢 (xiè xiè) : thank you

𖦹 s.list // m.list

𖦹 next // previous

[tom-is-online]

firstly hi, im the toya side story person. i do hate the fact that akito punched toya. i dont think anything really justifies violence. but enas is implied to be much more frequent! And sibling fights are whatever.

but u cant ignore the fact that some people may just not like ena because of this repeated pattern. i understand that the person in the tags was trying to explain enas behavior, not justify it. but unless its been retconned in a way i forgot, pale color says shinei only really started telling ena that she couldnt be an artist w/o talent when ena was looking at highschools, so its not like ena was fresh into middle school when her father rejected her dreams. akito when faced with insecurity didnt physically lash out at ena as far as im aware of. saying that she lashed out at him just bc he was nearby and improving in his own field doesnt really change a lot imo. just because siblings use each other as an outlet for stress doesnt mean everyone has to be comfy with it. plus, when akito describes the scratching, he mentions dodging the thrown objects and the scratches being hard to avoid if shes near, which leads me to believe that akito was trying to avoid a fight instead of a sibling brawl

im not calling this abuse, by any means, nor am i suggesting that ena shld have magically spawned healthy coping mechanisms. Im just trying to suggest a possibility that ena scratching akito may not have made her likable with some people, given the repetition and akitos lack of involvement in enas insecurity. everyone has different boundaries on what they think is okay. anyways i am happy to continue discussing this tho, i really liked hearing a diff perspective :) and if i missed anything from the stories, i really am sorry

original post

I understand what you're getting at, but I wanna just clear up some stuff with it

Akito and Toya became friends about two years before the main story (both 14), which means Ena was in the last year of Middle School when they met. Ena would have been looking at High Schools at the time, so the timelines with that add up with her emotional state due to her father. And since then, Ena has clearly stopped doing this to Akito

I understand the "it was a repetitive occurrence" argument but she was clearly not in the right headspace to be rational and considerate whilst having breakdowns, she was 15 and mentally unwell, and she's not gonna act in a rational way

Even if it was hypothetically before her last year of middle school.

SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO OLDER THAN 15 have you met a pair of siblings 14 and younger? esp with personalities like the Shinonomes

Akito likely wouldn't have fought back against Ena in the same way because he's clearly always been very athletic meaning to me if he tried to fight her back. He would probably just win and he doesn't want to just kick her when she's already down.

Anon (and other people who make this argument) I am just so curious if you're an only child and if not what your siblings are like. I don't have a sister but I have a brother one year younger than me and we fought all of the time until we were like 15-16, me and my brother are both very hot-headed people esp at that age. Siblings just do that, so being so uncomfortable with the concept of siblings fighting that you hate Ena just feels so much like you don't understand typical sibling behaviour

If you're uncomfortable with the fact a 15-year-old had fights with her brother whilst she was likely mentally unwell or below the age of 15 and continue to hold this to them until they are 17-18 when they no longer do this

whilst also excusing Akito for what he did in the main story because it was a "one-off"

idk, man.

the argument is about liking Akito and not Ena. If you can hate Ena for being ~15 and mentally unwell whilst scratching Akito but not hate Akito for punching Toya at 16 and that being a MAJOR PLOT POINT whilst Ena's isn't.

it just feels like you can't understand the nuance behind someone doing something negative when they have bad mental health or you don't have siblings and don't understand how siblings like the Shinonomes would act in a situation such as theirs.

Or someone just gives the male characters way more leniency than the female characters

anyway. i do understand people have diff boundaries. but giving Akito leniency on violent behaviour and not ena for actions she did years ago. you can understand how this is a red flag

idk if i have anything else to say about the matter without going in circles

anyway. theyre great i love them

[habeascorpseus]

when i was in 7th grade, i had my first boyfriend. corny shit, i know. in many cases i dont think middle school relationships are enough to be classified as dating- but to this day, i do firmly believe our clumsy attempts at recreating the behavior of couples barely older than us did count. there was an emotional connection there. we had met in 6th grade and bonded over fnaf and minecraft 3 animations and all those other things that people still found found entertaining in 2014.

another notable thing in 7th grade that happened was that i had discovered i was transgender. well, i say "discovered", but it was honestly a long time coming. between my obsession with being seen as a "tomboy," my favorite song on the Kidz Bop 16 CD being Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy" (but sung in a way to make it so much less about cheating that it really became more of a call to action to imagine life as a man) to the point where i manually would loop it on my cd player for hours, and my growing love for mlm shipping— i had been a certified egg since i was in 4th grade. but despite being raised around and parented with about a dozen lesbian and gay couples since birth, i didnt know whether or not my parents were transphobic or not. so, after looking through a list of trans identities, i decided to just come out as genderfluid to my parents as sort of a compromise to the intimidating rigidity of being a trans boy. and even though it wasn't entirely fitting to what i'd ultimately figure out about myself, i grew pretty attached to it.

back to the middle school boyfriend.

at the end of 7th grade— like, a week before summer vacation— i publically came out as genderfluid. while my ex, who i will from now on refer to as Lou, had initially taken it well, albeit with some confusion, over the summer, a much different series of feelings began unfolding. unfortunately, as middle school boys are wont to do whenever one of them begins to act even slightly against the norm, his friends began asking him if he was gay. "if michael¹ is a boy sometimes, does that make you straight, or bisexual?" are some of the things i later heard them ask. and since i, phoneless till the age of 16, was unable to talk to him throughout this relentless picking apart of his own identity, by the time we got back to school, things were... different.

¹ Michael is the name i went by irl for 3 years from 7th-9th grade.

for one, there were the jokes. he was a big leafy fan (and i really did try even back then to steer him away from that but its hard when youre a cringe nerd middle schooler) and back then "attack helicopter" jokes were kind of all the rage, so he began jokingly identifying as a toaster. then he made a toaster mask out of a cardboard box, spray paint, and duct tape that he brought to school and began putting on whenever i walked by him in the hallway. and then, and possibly worst of all- a simple html website shared between his friends called "what gender is Michael today?" which lead to a random generator of options like, "boy", "girl", "toaster", and "attack helicopter." all of which is kind of a lot to deal with when youre a middle schooler with a pretty rough time of it already, and suddenly your main bully is the guy youve effectively been in a relationship with for 6 months.

and now you may be asking: hey habeas, why this sudden autobiographical deep dive into the most traumatic period of your life? what spawned this? how is this story relevant to literally anything going on? well, that's where the next part of the story comes in.

that year, our sex ed teacher was a 5ft transgender man named Mudd. Mudd had a buzzcut, and a higher pitched voice, and small hands, but beyond all of that, there was nothing visibly different about him than any other boy or man in the school. in fact, the boys thought he was cool as hell. they were fascinated by the idea of transformation of the self into an unrecognizable body. they never misgendered him, even after learning his status as a trans man. in fact, they were comfortable enough around him to be transphobic towards me. and Mudd, like a good trans mentor, told them to cut that shit out, and told me that regardless of how complicated and occasionally contradictory my identity was, it was still me, and i needed to stand up for who i was as a person.

a week later, Lou called me a tranny, and in response, i punched him in the nose and promptly stopped talking to him.

so again, why is this relevant? well, I'm not sure how terminally online (or specifically, on twitter) some of you are, but recently there's been a bit of a tiff in a certain fandom about bi lesbianism. specifically, how it, as an identity, is harmful to both the bisexual and lesbian communities. which, one: nooooo....??? bisexuality and lesbianism arent separate so much fraternal twins, and I've already talked too much to include further definitions to prove it. but my argument is really less about its validity as an identity and more about the principle of there being limits to acceptance, even within our community.

like with my experience, people were fine when they were faced with binary identities. a trans man like mudd is cool, or a trans girl like Jazz Jennings (we watched a lot of I Am Jazz in homeroom) could be seen as normal, and more so, inspiring. but when i came in with an identity people found to be contradictory or "too confusing," it resulted in backlash. the entire definition of being "queer" is to be abnormal to what general society finds acceptable, and even then, some things are "too weird" to be tolerated. even amongst "weird" people. which i find to be a pretty troubling trend amongst queer leftist young people who's only real experience with an "lgbt community" has been online. here, we prioritize and find catharsis in labels and categories to the point where the "queer community" has become instead split between identities- the gays, the lesbians, the bis, the transes, the aros and aces and the whatnot. in the real world, it doesnt matter what flavor of queer you are, nobody's going to stop and ask before they call you a groomer and then legislate your freedom away. which is why we, as an online queer community, have to get rid of the notion that some identities are "too contradictory" or "dont exist" enough to be worth giving support and love.

im saying all this here... because, well, one: nobody wants to read a 40+ tweet thread about my personal brush with irl homophobia and how that radicalized me against community separation in general, and two: i am deeply afraid of 14 year olds on twitter with too much time on their hands. but also im saying this because it was infuriating yesterday to watch my entire twitter feed suddenly turn into a puritanical campaign against the very concept of someones identity and have the ability to say nothing. it disgusted me how quickly we turn against our own simply because the way they are is confusing to our tiny fucking peanut brains. and i know none of those people who went on that tirade will read this, but i felt like it needed to be said anyways.

don't let society's impulse to ostracize the confusing and strange win out over human decency. don't do conservatives' strategy to divide and conquer us for them. a person's identity not being comprehensible to you is not inherently an attack on who you, yourself, are. you are your identity and you should stand up for it, and you should stand up for others' identities too. punch your bullies in the nose.

long live the confusing, the contradictory, and most importantly, the queer.

[itsallmadonnasfault]

Eighteen years ago, Madonna observed: “Once you pass 35, your age becomes part of the first sentence of anything written. It’s a form of limiting your options and almost putting you in your place. For women, naturally.” She was 47 when she said that and intent on challenging the cultural script that suggested women, especially female performers, had a use-by date.

“Why is that acceptable?” she asked the music writer Brian Hiatt nearly 10 years later, still battling critics who told her to dress her age, act her age — in short, pack it in and retreat from the spotlight because she was past her prime. “Women, generally, when they reach a certain age, have accepted that they’re not allowed to behave a certain way. But I don’t follow the rules.”

To the question “Is she still relevant?” her Celebration Tour, which concluded this month, is proof that she is. Madonna performed before the largest audience ever gathered to watch a female artist and mounted the single biggest free stand-alone concert in history: 1.6 million people turned Rio de Janeiro’s Copacabana Beach into a dance floor on May 4. According to Billboard, her six-month, 80-show tour grossed $225.4 million, making her the only woman in history to gross more than $100 million during six concert tours. (The only solo male in that category is Bruce Springsteen.)

But there’s so much more to her triumph than numbers. That a 65-year-old female pop star pulled off this tour and, despite our increasingly intolerant times, the performance was her most relentlessly and delightfully queer since 1990’s groundbreaking Blond Ambition Tour would be unimaginable, except that it was Madonna. The Celebration Tour proved that Madonna wasn’t afraid of drawing attention to her long career; she owned it proudly.

All of her past selves showed up, in role and in costume, to help celebrate the many ways she has evolved and the many ways she and her collaborators have explored and expressed gender throughout the years. It was a beautifully inclusive, encouraging spectacle. If history is a guide, the social and artistic ramifications of her performance will extend well beyond the numbers and long after her tour.

Madonna’s 1985 Virgin Tour, her debut, included only 40 shows in North America and grossed about $5 million. But its impact on young lives is immeasurable. The young women and girls in her audience were on the cusp of unleashing their sexual selves and embracing their independence, which is what made them so terrifying to a broader society intent on keeping them polite, passive and manageable.

Madonna’s message to her young audience was: Embrace your power, dream big and dare to be your own damned self. That message would resonate through a generation and across the globe, as aspiring Madonnas grew up to be politicians, lawyers, doctors, teachers, members of the armed forces, Third Wave feminists, Riot Grrrls and pop stars themselves.

Madonna was, in fact, the lead author of the female pop star playbook, and she continues to write the unexplored and perilous back end of it while artists like Olivia Rodrigo and Billie Eilish adapt the front end and more established stars like Beyoncé and Taylor Swift refine what’s possible in the middle. Madonna’s continuous career represents a universe of possibility for their own, despite the entertainment industry’s willingness to jettison midcareer women in favor of artists with younger faces and bodies.

But for women not named Madonna (or Beyoncé or Taylor Swift), growing older and maturing in public is much more fraught. Older men are considered wise, but older women are often ignored or discounted. Thanks to the intervention of the pharmaceutical industry, men are encouraged to have an active sex life into their 80s. The idea of older women having sex remains, for many, repellent.

Madonna has challenged our notions of what a woman should do and be on all those counts: She chooses to age as she sees fit, she says what she believes loudly and forcefully, and she is as proudly sexual as she was in 1985.

With her Celebration Tour, Madonna demonstrated night after night for six months that an older woman can exhibit power and strength — joyfully, generously and defiantly. Her glorious performance was perhaps even sweeter when we recall that hip and knee injuries disrupted her Madame X tour four years ago and a bacterial infection threatened not only the Celebration Tour but also Madonna’s life.

Forty years ago, Madonna showed audiences, particularly girls and women, that they could mute the killjoy chorus keeping them from self-realization. On the Celebration Tour, Madonna doubled down on this idea, encouraging fans to follow their hearts, minds and inner freaks by both being herself onstage and employing diverse and talented dancers to carry that message in their own convincing and resonant ways.

If this were the last tour of Madonna’s career — and we sincerely hope it is not — she would retire as the most influential female pop star of all time, a legitimate legend who wowed audiences, defied expectations and broke records. Having served more than 40 years in the public eye, she could take a holiday, take some time to celebrate. It would be, it would be so nice.

NY Times

[witchcraftandgeekness]

Let's talk about Vicki Donovan

I am currently rewatching first season of TVD and I noticed thing that I never noticed before. A lot of people in the fandom hate Vicki Donovan, and this shocks me after understanding this character.

So, she was raised without her father and the fact that she never knew who he was is really painful for her (she mentioned it to Damon). Also, in the town so small the lack of father may produce rumours about both their mother and Donovan siblings, tho I think Vicki is more affected by this. I mean, if her mother has reputation of careless, "available" then Vicki would inherit this reputation (and she did, if you listen closely to what others say about her) because "like mother like daughter".

Her mother was ignorant and alcoholic who had little care about her children, clearly, she wouldn't abandon them if she did care. Vicki probably started working as soon as she was able to (I don't remember what age is allowed for part-time job in US, 14?) because how else can she and Matt survive? I don't say it is not possible for kids with parents to start working at young age due to financial issues, but Vicki and Matt had no parents to bring actual money home (or if Kelly cared enough to send the kids some money, I doubt it was sufficient to support both of them), only what they gained themselves.

It leads to discussion of how did Vicki, as an older sister, managed to support both herself and her little brother? Nothing was said about this in canon, but Vicki's involvement with drugs may be connected to her trying to earn money. Maybe she met wrong company, and knowing her financial struggles, somebody offered her money if she would help with dealing?

Returning to her "inherited" reputation, Tyler provided us with a lot of things that are told about Vicki among her peers. "Vicki Donovan says no, that's new". She has reputation of "available", to the extent that in the Pilot Tyler tried to rape her, probably thinking that nobody would believe that it was done by force and what is her, some lower class girl's word, against his, right? He is son of mayor(s), who would dare to punish him for anything. Especially for assault of the girl with bad reputation. Later on season one Tyler tried to ambarass and belittle her numerous times, always reminding what place in society she occupies.

Knowing all of that, Vicki still hangs out with Tyler and seems genuinely excited by the fact he gives her his attention. This tells us that she rarely receives attention from anybody, and thus boys being interested is the only substitution for what she really needs and craves – somebody to care about her.

You may say that she still had Matt who was interested in her wellbeing, but maybe that was the problem. She told that herself, it seems to her that Matt is naturally getting out of this situation – he is good at foodball and has opportunity of some college offering him scholarship, he is nice and handsome, which means that girls still like him and he can "marry someone and have kids", like Vicki placed it.

And Vicki? She is drug-addict, with reputation which makes Mrs. Lockwood wince from mere idea that her son may have something to do with this girl, Vicki is not too good in grades (was that caused by her skipping classes? Was she skipping because of her attempts to earn more or because of drugs? Or maybe first one gradually morphed into the latter?) and doubts in her ability to recieve any scholarship.

In Vicki's eyes, she is hopeless. No future, no one who cares for her, besides her brother who has his own life to live, and little Gilbert boy who wants to play white knight and safe her from her misery, stupid teenage obsession that she may see patronizing (she mentioned that his interest in her is temporal and later he will return to his good, middle-class life, and forget all about it). And his family doesn't want Jeremy involved with Vicki, Elena didn't like her brother fawning over Vicki long before she turned. Notice that nobody tries to prevent anybody from interactions with Matt. Because Matt is polite, Matt is nice, Matt is the "golden boy" who everyone likes. Vicki is none of that.

Additionally, she was tormented by vampire. She survived few attacks that almost lead to her death. At that point Vicki is so lonely and unneeded that her only option is to pour out her soul to Damon, the guy who she barely knows, who tried to eat or simply kill her more than once, and who obviously can't care less about her fate. Damon heard it. And helped in only way he knew – he killed her. Saved her from her "pathetic" life.

Of course, we know that Vicki was not dead completely. No, the life was not quite done with her yet. Vicki has last chance on life she wanted as a vampire. Damon didn't care much for his now sireling, and let her leave (tho he mentioned leaving would be a bad idea, but never tried to actually make her stay and explain her new status as undead), which lead to the line of stressful events. In her transition Vicki suffered physically and mentally, all her supressed depression and loneliness felt on a higher level due to vampire's enhanced emotions. Even then, she tried to not harm the only two people she cared for and who cared for her – Matt and Jeremy.

Despite all the effort, Vicki did in fact finish her transition. She became vampire. And I think that truely, Vicki had a chance. Vampirism would leave her with a lot of perks that might make her life better.

Unfortunately, not everyone would agree. As an addict, Vicki has little self-control because she never tried to have one – she had no hope of escaping this circle before. She probably thought that one day she will die from overdose and quit being a burden for Matt. But now Vicki needs to learn it extremely quickly because two grown up vampires are watching over her and vampire hunters are at loose in the town.

But that was not how story was destined to end. Her actions lead to her being impaled by Stefan. Which seems a bit unfair. I think that there were other options. Yes, she tried to kill Elena dearie, was that the only reason she end up dead? Because Caroline was turned too, and more than that, she actually killed a man but nobody murdered her. They helped her, they taught her, and she became one of the most natural vampires in the whole show. Why was Vicki not granted with this chance? One may argue that she had less self-control than Caroline but who may think that s1 Caroline would be so excellent in vampirism? Giving Vicki some time would have been fair.

In her 18 years Vicki Donovan suffered more than some adults, and what did she received in return? Evil words about her, terrible attitude, abjection from society. Did she deserve Tyler being ashamed of presenting her as his girlfriend? Did she deserve Mrs. Lockwood calling her trash? Did she deserve anything of what she got in her life? She went through all of this, just to end up being dumped like a trash Carol Lockwood described her as, and forgotten? Just another hopeless girl without future died, right? Not a big deal? Naturally, she wanted revenge in afterlife.

So no, I don't understand why her character is showered in hate. Vicki Donovan was complicated person with personality that was not polite or too likeable, but that was not the reason to hate or despise her. I ask for justice for Vicki Donovan.

[sea-owl]

Did you ever watch Teen Wolf the tv show? Cause the movie gave me an idea for a Bridgerton AU. Modern Witch Penelope x Hunter Colin.

I know of it, but I never watched it. It came out when I was in middle school and the St*rek girlies put me off it when two of them I knew in real life almost got into a fist fight. I don't remember the exact reason other than it had to do with the show, and I remember thinking it was something dumb.

But I like this idea let's see what we can come up with.

So Penelope didn't mean to kidnap the hunter. He just startled her and the next thing she knew a blast of accidental magic hit him square in the face. Said accidental magic then proceeded to knock him out and what was she supposed to do leave him in the mud?

"Yes!" Felicity exclaimed, waving around her shotgun. "Pen you're smart, why would you bring a hunter into our own house?!"

Penelope waved off her sister's flailing arms. "Oh just put Sunshine away Litty. I knocked him out. It's only right that I am the one to make sure he's okay."

"Besides," Penelope said as she turned back to the shield keeping the hunter in. "It's not like I didn't take precautions. And aren't you curious? It's hard to believe a hunter would look so. . .normal."

Felicity scrunched up her nose. "He looks weirder than us, the witches. Someone should teach him to dress normally."

The hunter was actually rather handsome but Penelope didn't want to send Felicity off on another rant. He was still asleep but Penelope healed over any wounds she may have caused, and wounds he had that she didn't cause. He was rather tall, if Penelope had to guess she would say he was six feet, a whole foot taller than herself. She would also guess he was around 28. Chestnut brown hair parted to the side and had a slight wave to it. If she remembered correctly from the brief glimpse she got his eyes were green, one of her favorite colors. He wore the black hunting leather jacket that all hunters seemed to own, black tactical pants, and leather boots. Penelope did have to magically dull his blade though, didn't want him accidentally hurting himself in there.

"You are so lucky Mama left this morning" Felicity said. "She would have had a stroke had she seen the hunter."

"Which is why we're not going to tell her," Penelope said. "Right Felicity?"

Felicity raised his hands. "As long as your bad choices don't kill us first."

A groan gained both sisters' attention, and would you look at that. Penelope was right his eyes are green.

-

Colin. . .surprisingly didn't have a headache when he regain concisouness. Which was weird because he was pretty sure a witch sneak attacked him on the way back from his latest hunt. Keeping his eyes closed Colin focused on his body, trying to see if any new wounds were screaming at him. Nothing felt worse for wear, as a matter of fact his body felt better than when he passed out. Even the wounds he had gotten from his earlier battle with that gorgon were healed. How a gorgon ended up this far from Greece he will never know.

Did Daphne find him? They went hunting together as they normally do when they were forced to split up during the fight. Hopefully she was able to take care of that witch- shit.

Colin felt it. The air around him was humming with magical energy. Daphne didn't find him, the witch took him.

Damn it, Anthony was going to kill him. This was supposed to be a quick mission then they would get ready to meet their new neighbors tomorrow. His mother was so excited too, new neighbors rarely moved in. In fact Colin thinks this family is the first one to move in his whole life time.

Well, hopefully Colin can make a quick escape. First he has to see what he's dealing with.

Opening his eyes two red, curly haired witches appeared in his vision. Both of them were dressed in modern clothing. The younger in a dress, boots, and a cardigan. The older in leggings, tank top, and denim jacket.

The younger, and taller of the two appeared to be Hyacinth's age, 16. She held a shotgun in her hands. The stock and foreshock of the gun was a cherry wood color with golden butterflies decorating the stock.

The older one appeared to be Eloise's age, 23. She was a whole foot shorter than him with a lush figure. Her voice reminding Colin of the sirens and their songs. A golden butterfly hair clip half pulled back her hair.

The younger one noticed him first. She let out a yelp and aimed her shotgun. The muzzle where bullets should come out instead started glowing.

Colin reached for his sword.

"Will you put Sunshine away!" The older one ordered, pressing the shotgun so it was aimed at the floor.

"But-" the younger one stuttered.

"I will handle this," the older one promised.

The younger one threw Colin one last suspicious glare before leaving the room.

"I'm sorry about her," the older one apologized. "She's a little nervous, and when she gets nervous she becomes quicker to pull the trigger."

"Why did you take me?" Colin demanded. "What do you want?"

The witch blinked. "To heal you? I admit I did leave a nasty mark on your face from our bumping into each other earlier. I am sorry for that by the way. It's gone now. You just appeared out of no where and it startled me."

Colin narrowed his eyes. She took him just to heal him? No it's never that simple, she has to have some ulterior motive-

"Mr. Bridgerton, I promise I have no ulterior motive," the witch said.

Colin tensed. This isn't good. "You're a mind witch," he stated.

The mind witch shrugged. "I'm Penelope."

I'm ending this here this got too long again. But good start no?

[fundip404]

My personal take on the meaning behind the lyrics of the Foundations of Decay —

Starting off — If you feel like you've seen this before, you've probably seen my Twitter post from a couple of months back (follow me @/Fundip404). I'm posting this again on here because I'm still proud of it, and I need SOMETHING to be my first Tumblr post.

Note; This is NOT my regular content. I have not made a lyrical analysis before or since, and it will probably stay that way for a very long time.

I personally believe that The Foundations of Decay is a song about the current state of our society, or at least our society in the U.S., and I'm going to explain my reasoning lyric by lyric. I will be going through the entire song.

"See the man who stands upon the hill. He dreams of all the battles won." This is the idealization of war in America. We teach it to our children as if it is a triumph, something to be proud of, to dream about, when it isn't. It can also be interpreted in another way, too. A man who looks back upon his life in his old age, reminiscing over the past.

"But fate had left its scars upon his face with all the damage they had done." Once again, this can be interpreted in 2 ways. 1; physical scars left from war. 2; "scars" meaning things like age spots and wrinkles, bathed in a sour light because that's how society often views it. When you age, you're not seen as "attractive" anymore. Too many of my older relatives, even those as young as only being in their 40s(which, no, isn’t really all that old. It's middle-aged) are insecure in the way they look because they don't look young anymore.

"And so tired with age, he turns the page. Let the flesh subit itself to gravity." Here, Gerard tells you it's okay to age, to grow old. He tells you to welcome, just like he has.

"Let our bodies lay, mark our hearts with shame, let our blood in vain, you find God in pain." Moving on from the topic of age to Christianity. The line is mocking the idea of sin and repentance. "Mark our hearts with shame, let our blood in vain" make us believe we are shameful, Punish us for crimes that are not crimes(things like being gay or trans, or believing in a different religion), "You find God in pain" you think horrible things are supposed to happen because "God intended it to, God has a plan."

"Now, if your convictions were a passing phase, may your ashes feed the river in the morning rays. And as the vermin crawls, we lay in the foundations of decay." Gerard takes a jab at trend hoppers; people who only support things like black lives matter because it's "popular", or people who are only alt because it's "trendy." He says if it was just a phase, then go on, we don't need you, you've done your part. We will stay and await better days. We will lay in the foundations of decay.

"He was there the day the towers fell, and so he wandered down the road. And we would all build towers of our own, only to watch the roots corrode." This line was hard for me to interpret. But, after some thinking, I've come to the conclusion that to me, this reads as Gerard Saying that the higher-ups on our government cast aside the suffering of the citizen. They don't care about us. They'll keep building their tower and watch us suffer, ignoring the fact that without us, they would have no empire, for we are their roots.

"But it's much too late, you're in the race, so we'll press and press 'til you can't take it anymore." The stress of being in the spotlight. The public pressures you to do what they want, be what they want. It's all consuming. They pressure you until you just can't take anymore.

"Let our bodies lay, mark our hearts with shame, let our blood in vain, you find God in pain." Same interpretation as before. I just didn't want you to think I forgot about this line, lol.

"And if by his own hand his spirit flies, take his body as a relic to be canonized." Another one I found hard to interpret. I can only link it to the idolization of people(mostly men) long dead. I really struggled with this one, but I promised a full analysis.

"Now, and so he gets to die a Saint, but she will always be a whore." How women in our society are treated. When women come out about being abused, people say things like "what was she wearing?", "Why didn't she fight back?", "Why would she come out about that? Does she not realize he has a life, too?". But for the man, he's seen as a "chad", that he was just taking what he "deserved", what was "his". They demonize the victims and idolize the abusers.

"(You look stressed out)" living in this society can be stressful."

"Against faith, against all life, against change, we are plagued." (Google disagrees with me on these lyrics, but THAT IS WHAT I HEAR) once again, the higher ups don't care about us. They're against our beliefs, they're against all life, they're against change, they are a plague.

"(Cage all the animals 'cause the message must be pure)" A reference to how police will arrest peaceful protesters to silence them and accuse them of being violent and aggressive, when it's more likely the police were the ones being violent.

"(You can wander through the ruins, but the poison is the cure)." It's telling the higher ups and the police that they can support this broken system all they want, but to fix it, they have to listen to the protesters("poison") they try to silence.

"You must fix your heart, and you must build an altar where it swells." (my favorite lyrics) It's telling them that they have to look inwards and see your wrongdoings. You have to fix yourself and never do those things again. You have to rebuild yourself to rebuild our society."

"When the storm it gains, and the sky it rains, let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away." Gerard says that when change comes, not to try and stop it. To welcome it. It's a storm; it's inevitable.

"And as you stumble through your last crusade, will you welcome your extinction in the morning rays?" Continuing on, it asks those higher ups that when you've lost the fight, and when change shines in, will you welcome it? Will you welcome your fate?

"And as the swarm it calls, we lay in the foundations - yes, it comforts me much more - yes, it comforts me much more to lay in the foundations of decay." This is Gerard saying that he welcomes the change, that he wants it, we all do, really.

"Get up, coward." Is a call to arms, telling us to get up and fight back so that the change may come sooner. He's telling us not to be pushovers, cowards, not to let the government control us.

Thank you for reading my overly long analysis on the lyrics of The Foundations of Decay. I really love this song, and it's honestly my favorite by mcr. Gerard is, as always, a lyrical genius. I've been obsessed with the lyrics of this song since I first heard it, so thank you for reading my rant about it. This is, of course, just my opinion, and you can have your own interpretation of the song. I love to hear other people's opinions on things I'm passionate about. This isn't what I usually post, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways!

[cora-lin]

Sonny Boy

(HALF spoiler-free… no major events spoiled except for a reference to the ending and kinda telling references to the progression of the plot)

I just finished Sonny Boy last night and the amount of pure content I feel right now is so crazy. The pacing of the show felt like an eternal walk in the park where you’re focused on nothing but the view of what’s presented around you. I haven’t had a show make me so invested in character’s actions and decisions like this in a long time, and while at some moments it can seem random, their growth and development flows as seamlessly as time moves in the show. Two-thousand years pass within the show’s time, and they go from wearing their personality trope on their sleeve to becoming so human despite the inhuman place they live in.

I think the show did a great job of depicting the huuuuge number of ways people cope with growing up, and you can even align how it feels to go from being a middle schooler to a second year high schooler with the different worlds the characters reside in throughout the story. You can even go specific and make out how it feels to have a large friend group when you’re younger to having your close knit best friends as you get older. You can legit even make out individual characters personalities’ growing and shaping with age despite them never truly growing up due to the nature of the world. I don’t know how you depict both how eternal life would effect the human mind while also using it as a foil for those same characters graduating and moving on to high school.

AND THAT ENDING AGAGAFACAUAGSUSNM

The most important questions they knew you needed answered right the fuck away once they made it back and they said BADABING TAKE THESE NUTS INSTEAD BUD. And then you’re sitting there like ): what the fuck man

But then 🤭♥️ AYYYY MARIA (by Joan Sebastion) they give you nice and cuddly answers to make it be like hey its gonna be okay dude

“Nagara”

HOOOOOOO IM SOBBING

To stay true to your values, to of course stay true to yourself but acknowledge your shortcomings. Do your best to pay back the consideration that’s given to you. Chase after your dreams and please please please don’t get tired and give up or run away. Their last encounter before running off as the song plays them out… omfg… my besties for the resties are okay, they know it’s gonna be tough and it might not be all that in the end but nothing is more important than trusting and loving yourself through it all. Be kind to yourself and try to let yourself follow whatever motivation that is that you can see, and with that, even when it’s dreary you’ll be able to find solace and content in the fact that you trust yourself enough to believe in the path you chose. No matter what anyone says you ultimately get to make those decisions for you, it’s why some characters outright refused Ms. Aki, they didn’t want someone else telling them what their lives meant. In the end of the day, those who follow may or may not find reach their stars, but who knows better where you would like to go than you (:

I loved this show so much.

[animusxy]

I loved ep.7 of HOTD but can I just say a few things:

(Edit: I originally had this listed as ep.8 and no one bothered to correct me😂)

1. A dragon is not passed down from Rider to child so the ideology that Rhaena deserved Vhagar is incorrect. Aemond and any other person with with Targaryen blood had the right to claim the dragon. However since Rhaena is in mourning and very young I understand she’s in a different mindset. It doesn’t help that Aemond was extremely rude about it either.

However the children probably don’t understand that a dragon is not a plaything, ESPECIALLY not Vhagar. Dragons are highly intelligent and the rider doesn’t get to choose the dragon. In fact, despite Vhagar’s age she was described as being just as capable as any other dragon. Even if she’s well over a century years old she’s still got roughly another to go until she would be the same age as Balerion who actually died from old age (so technically if you compare their life spans, Vhagar is Middle-aged/a bit older and the other dragons are young adults to Teenagers, which is kind of funny to imagine).

Aemond took a serious risk, he knew he could very well have been killed but he would’ve had no other chance to do so as they were leaving the next day. Vhagar is known to be quite temperamental but more so than other dragons. The only thing that kept him alive is that Vhagar chose him as her rider.

We have no way of knowing if Vhagar would’ve accepted Rhaena but the fact that she’s Laena’s daughter wouldn’t have made any difference at all. If you’ve read the books, listened to the dance of the dragons Audiobook or know further back in Targaryen history you’ll see where I’m coming from. Frankly, the fact that it’s Vhagar gives even worse chances as I’ve said about her personality.

2. All the Children in the fight were simultaneously victims and antagonisers, some more than others (Daemons kids not so much). It escalated to the point where one of them was seriously injured but overall it was an accident, mainly because they all thought they were going to get killed by the other attacker.

Aemond probably thought those 4 were gonna kill him or get bloody close with the way they were bashing him so he probably used the rock as self-defence. The knife was the other fours defence from the rock that Aemond had.

3. I think it’s highly unrealistic to believe that at this age (Aemond is around 10 so Jace is probably close and the others a bit younger) any of them would have actively tried to kill the other. Aemond may have made those threats but realistically would he have seen them through? With the repercussions they would’ve had? He’s well aware even at his age that Rhaenyra and her children are more liked in the eyes of his father and that even if it was in self-defence, which either side could have argued, he would’ve still been punished severely.

4. Aemond was being relentlessly bullied by his brother and nephews. You can argue that Aegon was the ringleader but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

It’s not just the odd comment they’re making or the odd prank. They’re making fun of Aemond’s lack of a dragon. Having a dragon is arguably one of the most important things to a Targaryen without them they are seen as less valuable and even embarrassing. To not have one would make him understandably jealous to be made fun of from something he’s undoubtedly embarrassed of is just plain cruel, especially something he has little control over. He saw his chance to have a dragon and he took it.

Rhaena experienced something similar however she wasn’t bullied due to it (that we know of) if she thought that Vhagar was hers to claim then that explains why she didn’t try straight away but if I was Vhagar and she tried to claim me because I was her mothers dragon, I’d be pissed. However, once again, Rhaena is a child and most likely doesn’t understand the full extent of a dragons intelligence or mannerisms so it’s understandable why she’d think that.

5. Aemond’s comment about the pig definitely deserved the punch that he got. But an eye cut out? Not really. But they’re children and it was an accident that he was seriously injured. Luke thought he was joining to kill Jace so the action itself was intentional the injury it caused and the repercussions (him losing his eye) were not.

This episode was designed to be a double-edged blade. If you support one side there’s something that hinders our morals. Very clever. But we get to see a different side of the characters and that great. We see Rhaenyra’s more entitled side. She says that Aemond should be ‘sharply questioned’ by this she means interrogation/torture, of course this wouldn’t actually happen. It’s more of a throw away comment not meant to be taken seriously by those present, but it’s incredibly conceited thing to say and we can really see the favouritism shown by Viserys. ‘Your king demands you answer’, not your father, your king. But the way Aemond turns in the chair to stare her down was hilarious, excellent job Leo. Bare in mind this is about her children being bastards and as Aegon so brilliant stated, it’s incredibly obvious so Rhaenyra was leaning on her fathers clear favouritism for her. It clearly paid off.

The way Aemond throws Aegon under the bus can actually be summed to a few things. Aemond protecting Alicent, getting back at Aegon the bullying, I saw someone say that it may have been getting him back for his statement on Helaena (though I think it’s unlikely, I could see it as Aemond does genuinely care for his siblings. Or so I’ve been led to believe, we’ll find out if it’s true soon enough). It could also have been since he knew Aegon would likely have it much easier, being the oldest.

We got to see Alicent go crazy which was very entertaining. The way that Rhaenyra believed she was not capable of killing anyone and then being shown precisely the opposite just a few hours later. The single tear during ‘now they see you as you are.’ Was outstanding. But we also got to see that whenever either Alicent or Rhaenyra think something positive of the other it’s constantly turned into something negative at the end of the episode which goes to show how their relationship is still spiralling even after a decade.

All in all an amazing episode, my favourite scene by far as Aemond riding the dragon (it’s our first time seeing a dragon get claimed in HOTD) and the argument in the hall an incredible performance by Ty Tennant as Aegon, Leo Ashton as Aemond. Emma D’Arcy as Rhaenyra, Olivia Cooke as Alicent Hightower. And of course, Matt Smith as Daemon Targaryen the moody guy in the back corner watching everything go to shit with a smile on his face.

Just for clarification my favourite list goes something like this:

Daemon (the favourite)

Aemond/Rhaenyra

Rhaenys, Laena and Corlys

Aegon/Helaena/Rhaena & Baela

Not gonna lie I’m kinda gonna miss Ty as Aegon he was a prick but every scene with him in made me laugh too.

P.S

If I sound emotionally detached about the fact that it was Laena’s funeral, I’m actually being sent to a psychologist. Apparently I’m a ‘very high risk with psychopathic traits’ but I think that’s just my regular personality.

[hauntedkkitty]

hi systems of tumblr i need Help. i am a questioning system and i have been for a long while now and idfk what to do or think anymore

i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this, so please give me any assistance you can even if its just "this sounds like ____" / "this relate to this and i have ___" / ANYTHING please

warning i dump some of my trauma here but i also put red text that just gives a summary without heavy desc so you can skip the description if you dont want to be triggered or upset.

tw child abuse, mentions of death / injury

basic info about me that may or may not relate

- i am a minor with cptsd & autism

- i have a Lot of repetitive trauma. like i dont wanna traumadump it all rn but a Lot.

- i am disabled

- all my older relatives are all shitty people which i cannot ask for help with this. all my younger relatatives would not be able to help. there is no one who i trust enough to help me with this So hiiii anon tumblr blog here i am

-i have not wanted to live for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back].

- i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while, like, memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there. or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

- i am psychotic. i have been since i was little and i know how to deal with it now and do not have any Serious delusions or hallucinations anymore

-ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

- i do not feel i have a real personality

- i dissociated a Lot in childhood and even now.

- i feel like shit went Wrong when i was meant to develop into a normal person and i am now fundamentally fucked

- i have done a Lot of research of osdd/did [and disorders in general] on and off for some years and have never found a conclusion for myself Help me

trauma dump about my experience with possible alter - scroll to red text if you are triggered by: religious trauma, suicide mention / suicidal thoughts

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die.

i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living.

one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and she wanted an answer back so i said "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough]

this was not an auditory hallucination. i did not have voice hallucinations at the age and it was extremely different to anything i have ever experienced.

and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin and holy fuck there was a creepy girl whispering my deepest darkest most sinful of secrets in my ears

the voice whispered more into my ear about my inner workings and thoughts and stuff i was in denial of

i have no clue if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of info about it. like when you suddenly remember something and the whole memory just Vwoops into your brain? some physical traits and some personality traits, along with the fact that this thing Knows me deeply and knows everything about me?

i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look.

i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did.

i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel its presence like the way you know when someones staring at you].

i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and ignoring it everytime possible and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do.

i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was.

TLDR: 8ish yrs old. i was in denial about my mental issues. i heard a voice in my ear very clearly wording out my mental issues in a way i could not. freaked the fuck out and ignored it even though i felt its presence for like a month and eventually i stopped feeling it there. no clue what that was

i told a system blog this experience once and they suggested that i look into bpd & aspd and that they dont know what to say as theyd never heard of something like that happening so young before

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other solid voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

i ignored it for all my childhood because i was scared. at some point a few years ago [covid times] i felt something similar again, not a voice but Something and i felt the immense need to try and figure it out. i did a Lot of work and all i could figure out was that voice probably Was trying to help me in some way. i was heavily in denial about most of my trauma and mental illness until like a few years ago because my family basically cult brainwashed me Haha.

also also i have had a lot of times where i have not felt Myself but have also still been there. its hard to word but i was still There watching myself do things and if i Really wanted i could try and stop my body from moving but like.... I didnt feel like i was Alone in my brain if that makes sense??? bru idk its that Feeling that someone else is there thing again.

trauma dump warning if you are triggered by: phys abuse [by father] mention, desc of me fearing my abuser would kill me scroll to red text

a time like this that stands out a lot is when i was younger [9+ -14] and my dad had just hit me and yelled at me and he pushed me down and i nearly hit my head on the stone kitchen counter but i just missed it and i was struck with this horrible fear because what would have happened if i did hit my head? i would probably be seriously injured. ive hurt myself on there before and it wasnt even that bad then but i still needed to go to the hospital. would i have died if i hit my head then? is he going to kill me now? and i was filled with so much fear i couldnt move and i had no idea how i would get out of this. i was literally backed into a corner. i completely spaced out.

i felt myself kinda Snap back in my mind for a second like idk how to phrase it but my mind Changed and all of a sudden i had a clear plan like Streamlined to my head and all emotion and desires other than SURVIVE were pushed out And like i felt So out of it and disorientated and ouguhhhhh felt weird bru idk how to word this shit was Odd and moving my body felt weird.

i saw myself run upstairs and check for injuries and try to clean up nd fix body but i did not feel like i was moving ??? like i was Out Of It and my body was just taking care of itself and i was just There like what is happening. OH I SORT OF HEARD A VOICE AGAIN HERE BUT IT WAS MORE LIKE. sudden dominant thought than voice in my ear voice. it was just telling me what to do and questioning if i had bandaids in my room.

TLDR: a time that stands out is when i was younger [9>14], i was being abused and nearly had a serious injury which i slimly avoided and was frozen with fear and spaced out. i suddenly felt myself snap back into place, disorientated and completely Weird, and felt thoughts [a plan to get out] that were not mine. i did not feel fully in control of my body and like i was being fed another persons thoughts as i saw my body tried to help itself. i felt like another persons thoughts were dominating over mine and all in all Strange.

anyway i kinda got back into myself after i was mostly taken care of but i was still Not Fully There if that makes sense??? like i still wasnt responding or thinking or talking or moving ANYTHING like what i usually do and i was aware of this and i was really confused about it and what was going on

sorry if this is worded wrong i wrote most of this late at night and again im autistic and get misinterpreted a lot and also my memory is kinda fucked up

anyways if anyone could could shed any light on this in literally anyway you could i would be super grateful.

ALSO if you think this is some form of osdd/did/plural thing Please tell me how to speak to the people in my head cause idk its weird like this i would like to know what is happening in there and not feel like im suddenly being possessed or like im insane

[mencnfire]

headcanon | kaz & his daughter

so, in canon, we know that kaz has a daughter by the time of metal gear ( set roughly 5-10 years before mgs, i believe ( i might be wrong! ) ). in this game, kaz is shown to have a daughter and despite potential retcons and bla bla bla, it's absolutely part of the canon i write with him.

he does have a teenage daughter by the time mgs rolls around. i imagine she's around 14-15 years old. the child of a beautiful ( american? ) woman who either passed or left kaz sometime before the first game ( or in one au is his partner still, wink wonk ). his daughter, catherine, is a smart, outgoing girl. her hair is naturally dark and her eyes, bright. she's enthusiastic and fun-loving but not without compassion. she's seen her dad's struggles throughout the years ( though he's tried to hide them from her ) and as a result, has grown to be thoughtful and empathetic to those around her.

solid and co would almost certainly know her or of her however kaz makes a habit to keep her a secret from potential enemies & strangers. she's used to them constantly moving, used to her dad being secretive and keeping his cards close to his chest. she was taught from a young age how to wield a gun ( or a knife ) & the two have special codes for if something goes south or they should be alarmed of the people around them. for example, kaz will say certain things in person or over the phone to his daughter that may sound innocent to you or me but to them - is a code for something else.

despite her compassionate nature and the fact she's grown used to the militaristic sort of life - she does hold some resentment over the fact she's not necessarily a teenaged girl. she loves her father with all of her heart but sometimes feel some disdain toward him for bringing her into a world full of guns, violence, living in the middle of nowhere and away from other kids. she somewhat craves normality and despite his best efforts to give it to her - she's not really gotten it. she's a total daddy's girl but a part of her would give it up for normal friends and a normal school.

kaz dotes on his daughter and loves her entirely - he sees solid as somewhat of an older brother to her but would never say as much aloud. he doesn't dare say such a thing to solid either because he can't help but see a little of big boss in snake ( which makes him somewhat sting in his presence ).

[imviotrash]

since you like side characters, how old do you think lawrence's sisters are ?

So heres the TLDR:

3 eldest: 20-27

4 youngest: 8-14

Here's my reasoning for each of the sisters (It's a bit long so strap in):

Let's take a crack at this by establishing the basics first:

So 3 older and 4 younger sisters.

Let's look at them, shall we:

So Toboso does have a tendency to establish age by using very visible height differences, even for characters, who may have stopped growing (a good example of this is by looking at the prefects and their fags, who should only be 2 years apart in age, yet have severe height differences)

So I'm gonna use height as well as their behaviour to determine the age of each sister.

Let's start off with the eldest:

I believe she is the eldest, based on the way she presents herself; being the only sister to dress in more darker colours and a very extravagant manner. She's also the boldest out of the bunch and just has very strong auntie vibes in general (probably because of her resemblance to madame red).

I assume her age is around 25-27 years old

The second eldest is probably this lady. There's not much behaviour that can be seen for her, but both her and the "eldest" seem to act as chaperones for their younger sister (Adela), which is something only married women can do. So I'm going off a whim here and say she's older, than the third eldest sister based on the role she takes on together with the eldest.

I think she's around 22-25

Lastly, the third eldest sister

I believe she's the closest in age to Lawrence based on the fact that she reminisces about them playing together and focuses on the fact that she's older than him. Since she's the only eldest sister who doesn't act as a chaperone, I assume she's unmarried.

I'd guess her to be around 20-22

Now onto the younger sisters:

I'd guess Adela to be around Ciels age, based on the fact that Ciel seems to be a suitable partner for her (according to her older sisters). She's also the tallest of the younger sisters which is why I'm going to assume she's the eldest of the 4 youngest.

I guess her age to be around 12-14

I think she's the second eldest among the younger sister based on her behaviour, which reflects a typical tween (gushing about men/boys etc). She's also right in the middle of her younger sisters in terms of height.

I'd guess her to be around 10-12

These two are clearly twins since they're dressed the same and also tend to speak in unison. We don't see a lot of them and only have their height. Since they're the smallest, I think they're the youngest.

I guess they're around 8-10 years old.

This was fun to dissect, thank you for the ask!

[108garys]

Sorry for sending in another ask so soon but I'm fixated on Little Hope again and was wondering what your headcanons for the Clarkes are personality wise and such?

And what age do you think each of the Clarke Siblings were adopted?

I think Tanya and Dennis may have been adopted before they could remember the system or their birth families but that Anthony and Megan were adopted a bit later, if that makes sense?

Like around 5 or so.

OK so I actually have hyper specific headcanons about the Clarke children's adoptions largely based on who I believe they are biological related to

So I believe Dennis was adopted first at birth, his bio mum was an unwed teen mother who was pressured to put him up for adoption by her parents and James and Anne made the decision before he was born(I believe his his birth mother was Charlie Anderson's little sister and joey Gomez's grandma and thus he's related to the other uses of his model)

Tanya was around 4 and her bio parents are the inpatient's interchangeable Anna/Gordan Bennet, the blackwoods incident happened when she was that age and Anna has the same character model making her a perfect fit for Tanya's bio mum

In my mind Anthony was a toddler and his father(John Ferris's son) gave him up after his mother died because they had been again very young and he didn't see himself as cut out for it at the time

For the older three I think it makes sense that Anne and James wanted to have a few children in close ish proximity(as the middle of three I have that exact age gap with my siblings), so Megan being so much younger is certainly different from the other three

At this point I'm gonna just say it, the little kid characters all have one face model and I can't just make all kids related so I had to get a little creative and made her biologically related to the Clarke's and in fact their niece. Her mum died when she was a baby and her father worked away and they cared for her but she was orphand at 6 so rather than being adopted older it's just a very rocky transition from what was supposed to be a temporary situation to a permanent one(this is very much tied to my belief that hector Munday and Megan Clarke have the same dad and thus why 6 specifically)

As for personality wise I believe that all the traits of their doubles are something they have the potential for to some extent but it's just such a broad category and I'll either boil them down too much or talk in circles forever lol