#and if you're experiences are different from mine i genuinely respect you for it and platonically love you

[bananasfosterparent]

you can reinterpret and headcanon all you want, but creators telling a story are not “hindering roleplay” by telling the same story they’ve always been telling. AA has been an explicitly toxic and abusive dynamic since the beginning

Yes! you're so right.

Look...

at how abusive he is...

So toxic...

Much abuse is happening here

I can't figure out how I missed all of this toxicity!

You seem to be lost and/or confused, my friend.

Are you familiar with the term "You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar"? Because you should be. I'd actually be more willing to get into the spawn ending and the spawn side of the fandom, if people weren't so condescending and invalidating to AA-fans like this. What is with this holier-than-thou attitude toward anyone who doesn't agree with your personal "reinterpretation" that you believe in? Even if you genuinely think there is some overarching, "canon" ending to his story, how is it helpful to anyone (especially AA fans) to be condescending about it?

I have at least enough levels of maturity and understanding to say to you "your interpretation of the information is different from mine but still valid for your roleplay(s)". What's so hard about returning that basic level of respect?

Also....

You can't ""reinterpret"" a piece of art that is open-ended and meant to be interpreted however you want as the roleplayer (within canon logic, that is). You just interpret it however you personally do.

As far as "hindering roleplay" goes, you do realize that any time the game assumes how your character feels or what they think (on an emotional level) that it can hinder roleplay, right? Meaning, it disrupts immersion. We simply want the ability to customize the responses and experiences our characters have, just like you want to. And it's an ability we all can share (with the new modding tools coming out in the new patch).

Believe it or not, but not everyone has the same brain as you. Not everyone understands and views things the same way as you. And your way isn't the only "right" way to enjoy something. I know it's really, really hard to fathom, but I'm going to ask you to try really hard to do it.

Can you please answer this question: Why are so many anti-AA people focused on players being punished for something spawn fans don't enjoy? Why not just enjoy Spawnstarion and call it a day?

What is this responsibility you assume to "save" AA fans from our own supposed media illiteracy and misinterpretation/reinterpretation/mischaracterization/misunderstanding of AA and the romance?

What do you gain from this? No, like.... I legitimately want to know. Please reply.

And yes, to be clear, I know I'm also being snarky and condescending a bit in this reply, but I'm just matching vibes.

[fioras-resolve]

Playing Style Savvy for the first time has been pretty cool, delving into a kind of game we don't usually play and getting to experience the fashion world as trans women. (Incidentally, I say "we," we're a plural system. Please don't get mad, at least not in the replies. I'm Maya, I love fashion, and that's about all you need to know.) But playing it has also called attention to something that I just cannot ignore as a fat trans woman, which is the lack of body diversity. So, let's get into it.

So, I wanna start with a concept I'll call "the world of pretty." This is a fictional setting where just about every character is some kind of attractive. Style Savvy is obviously a world of pretty, but so is Final Fantasy, Hades, a lot of anime, and the portfolios of plenty of artists on this site. And this is a good, fun thing, you know? It gives the work a kind of appeal that's incredibly straightforward to understand, so I don't need to dwell on it for too long.

Here's the thing, though. I am, as I said, a fat trans woman. Not many worlds of pretty include someone with a body like mine, because trans bodies are so often forgotten, and fat bodies are simply excluded from a lot of people's idea of what an attractive person looks like. So when Style Savvy doesn't even let me be an XL, the implication is that my actual body is not worth having in your world. And that's not even to mention the limited or non-presence of people of color in many of these works. When I realize that my own body is excluded from a world of pretty, the illusion shatters.

Now, the fact I mentioned tumblr artists as an example of this might raise some eyebrows. After all, this kind of thinking can easily drive someone to hassle an indie artist about changing their style or preferences. I don't want to encourage that here, and if you've received grief about not drawing fat, trans or PoC characters, I'm sorry that happened, and it shouldn't have. I've been in the position of wanting to have this kind of conversation, but knowing it could easily get drowned out by people who do not fucking speak for me. I just want you to be mindful that, when you make attractive character art for a long time, you inevitably create a world of pretty, for good and ill. I can't tell you how to use that power, but I want you to know that it's there.

And, additionally, there are excuses, some better than others. Final Fantasy and Style Savvy are both inspired by high fashion and normal people fashion respectively, so it makes sense their characters all look like models. Worlds of pretty are very marketable, and it can be a hard sell to break from that mold. And it is genuinely hard to have diversity in your work, in a way I will explain right now.

Okay, look. To give Style Savvy its due... gamedev is hard. I would know, this body does it all the time. So like, if you're making a game with any kind of visual element, you need either sprites (2D drawings basically) or models (Basically 3D puppets with potentially hundreds of moving parts). And these models will almost always require a rig, like, a skeleton with bones and joints, that determines how the model can move.

From a production standpoint, you can crank out new characters from the same base model, much easier and faster than if you spent the time building another model with a unique rig. I can't speak for this exactly, because we've never done 3D dev before, but it's just way less of a headache and a hurdle if you're trying to get the most "content" out of your limited budget of staff and time. It just makes sense not spending the time to make different body types, especially in a game like Style Savvy where they'd also have to do a metric shitton of work modeling all the clothing for each distinct body type. I understand this. We sympathize. But what it means is that fat bodies are not in the games' world of pretty.

(hey, Angie here now) so like, i am not immune to the world of pretty. it's part of why i like the things i do, and it's part of why i picked up style savvy to begin with. even as the illusion shatters, i still like a lot of media and artists that don't really do body diversity. but at the same time, as i was playing style savvy i started imagining a version of it that actually did have what i wanted, and used that to create an even more positive experience. like, imagine playing one of these games, playing a clerk at a boutique, and then a trans woman comes through the door, bashful about her looks but desperately wanting to find something that suits her. i'm imagining a world of pretty that includes all body types, that finds beauty in every body. and i know i can't create this because i'm a lowly game designer... but i imagine it and i start to feel happy.

[jen-with-a-pen]

If people aren't comfortable reblogging fics to their blog (which I am not, due to a personal history of being doxxed and humiliated to my irl friends and family), are comments sufficient enough engagement or would you rather that reader not engage with your work at all?

I feel like that came out sounding passive aggressive but I truly mean it as a genuine question and am just not sure how to rework it to sound less snarky! I see this discourse on and off from different fic writers and respect both opinions and think everyone should be able to curate interaction with their fics as they see fit.

Hi, anon.

I've been thinking carefully on how to respond to this. I can tell you're not trying to come off as snarky– which i say as someone who can't read tone for shit most of the time and whose own tone can come off aggressive or bitchy when I don't mean it to be.

I'm gonna address your ask as thoroughly as I can, if that's cool. Sorry if it's a long response. I'll put a cut in so I don't interrupt feeds ✂️

First, I want to pose a question to your question, which I mean genuinely with no spite whatsoever: why are you on Tumblr if you're not reblogging or don't even reblog?

As I've stated in other replies to the post I made a few weeks back, from the way I see it, Tumblr is literally built upon the foundation of sharing creations and content. There is no dead-set algorithm here like there is for Instagram or TikTok. Sharing is, quite fucking literally, caring here. We are able to form communities of all sizes because we share things. Reblogging is essential to the upkeep, and quite frankly the existence, of fandom and communities. Without sharing, our communities crumble and become ruins. We are actively seeing this as we speak: many mutuals and authors I follow are starting to quit writing due to passive, demanding consumption patterns and 0 engagement.

I know you probably know this, but I thought I'd restate it for answer's sake.

To answer the meat of your ask, I will pull from both personal experience and mutuals' experiences and input.

In my own personal opinion, if you are solely commenting on fics and are not engaging in anything else (no likes, no reblogs, etc.) then I personally think that Tumblr is not the site you should be on and, frankly, you should go sign up for AO3 if that's all you're going to do.

And I mean this earnestly. If all you want to do for engagement is commenting, then AO3 needs you because sharing does NOT affect authors nearly as much over there as it does here. In fact comments on AO3 are the literal equivalent to reblog on Tumblr: we don't get any and when we do it's like finding an oasis in a never ending desert.

Now in terms of what mutuals and other authors have said on the matter, it seems the consensus is that commenting without reblogging is a case-by-case basis. I'm going to quote a mutual of mine here:

"...if someone is commenting on my work but not reblogging… I'd say it's case by case. If it's just MY fics they aren’t reblogging, then it'd be a problem, but if they don’t reblog ANY [fics] I'd be more okay."

Another mutuals also put it this way:

"... I feel like there *is* both sides in this sense; yes comments are nice and engaging even though they aren't the preferred and most helpful way to boost writers..."

I feel like both of them put it into words where I struggled to. I will also say that I do agree with the point being that if you're not gonna reblog ANYTHING– no art, no content, no photos, no other fics, nothing– AND your profile adheres to the guidelines set forth in basic Tumblr etiquette (not looking like a bot and not a minor) then sure, comment away.

The verdict, in summary with my opinion and mutuals': it depends on your behavior and your interactions with other works and content.

I hate the word content but I couldn't think of another one.

But, my question still stands: why are you on Tumblr when you don't even participate in the basic fundamental function of this site?

I also wanted to take the time to address the other part of your ask regarding the doxxing and people finding out your identity.

It has been very widely known for (close to) two decades now that Tumblr is the place where you can have an anonymous identity. Truly. I've been on here for the collective half of the last decade and have been on the Internet for a little more than half my life, now, and Tumblr and fandom are literally the biggest and best places where you can be someone else. You can be completely anonymous.

The common denominator, however, is you.

The amount of information you have on your blog is what you choose to put on it. If you state your real name, your state and city, have one of those (imo stupid) carrd things or whatever, then honey– and I mean this in the nicest way possible, truly– that is on you. I know for a fact (from good and bad experiences) that you have all of the power in the world to annonymize yourself while still maintaining yourself on the Internet. That make sense?

A couple of mutuals made very excellent points regarding this:

"...I have a best friend irl who has Tumblr and is so close to the fandoms I'm in, and she doesn't know I write here. I am anonymous on here. I'm suprised she hasnt connected the dots because my aesthetics are the same in real life..."

"...I personally think its pretty easy to be anonymous on tumblr. Especially since usually all we ask is you have that you aren’t a minor at the top of your blog..."

"...it's really easy to be anonymous on the internet [...] you can be an ENTIRELY different person on the internet..."

From that last mutual, I'll paraphrase and go off of another point they made: the fact that you do want to participate and comment negates your ENTIRE arguement because someone– anyone– can find you and your blog through said comment(s).

Your digital footprint is what you leave behind. So if you have your city and state and grade and real name and all this other shit in your blog or carrd or whatever, then you are the only one who is responsible for having put said information out there.

Hell, I've been mutuals with some people going on 2-3 YEARS at this point and the only other things they know about me is my state, general city vicinity, my cat, and what I do for a living. That's it. And we span from early twenties to married with a kid or two.

We are in charge of what we share and I implore you– as someone with a certification in legal information technology– to please educate yourself on your Internet privacy and digital footprint. Please take the time to think about your actions and the information you have online. I STILL do this to this day, even after getting certified and being on the Internet for half my life.

I am sorry that you've gotten doxxed in the past. Truly, I am. It's a horrible act and I hope you never have to experience that again. Please know I am not being dismissive of that nor trying to blame you for said acts.

But it all comes down to you at the end of the day. In general, it's you, your actions, and the consequences of your actions. And if you happen to be a minor, then I strongly urge you to rethink your decisions and maybe step away from social media and utilize critical thinking in order to asses your situation and who you surround yourself with, both online and offline. I wish I had someone to tell me that when I was 14– fuck, even when I was 18.

And I mean it when I say AO3 might suit you more than Tumblr. If any fandom site has more capabilities to be anonymous than Tumblr itself, it's AO3.

Anyways, I think that's all I have to say for you. My DMs and ask box are always open and I am open to more commentary on the matter and related ones so long as it is civil and respectful. I refuse to stop having this conversation.

Thank you for listening ❤️

[marshmallowprotection]

Might as well pitch in with all this talk about Saeran's AE! Honestly, his AE is the only piece of canon where I am genuinely not sure if I'd be able to have a good ending if I was in mc's shoes, and that's hard to admit, but probably true, sadly. Like, with Ray and Suit, MC's actions are quite similar to how I would act, coming from a place of kindness and understanding. But, in his AE? The whole 'I will sacrifice myself so that you and my brother can be free' thing would not work with me at all. It's a tough pill for me to swallow, but I would just refuse to leave his side. Is that selfish? Irresponsible of me, considering that I have to take Saeyoung to safety? Stupid? Probably all of the above. But, I just know I wouldn't be able to leave. Not like this. I would rather have us both face what's in store, than just... go. We're a team, and we're supposed to stick together. I can't leave him to die or suffer, that's not what I do. Provable because I'm a huge giver in my relationships, so the idea of leaving like that, without being able to protect or care for the one I love... it's the complete opposite of my way of expressing my attachment.

And it's hard to think about, because I understand that Saeran wouldn't be okay with that. That it's his decision, and I have to respect that. I have no problem whatsoever with him forgiving everyone who hurt him. I understand why he needs to do that, and I am in full support of that. Because I know it's for his own happiness. But, his decision to stay behind and sacrifice himself for me and Saeyoung? No. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do that. I wouldn't. I would just cling to him and refuse to leave his side. And I don't think that would end well for us, but... God, I wouldn't be able to leave him. Not like this. I guess, in a way, the canon mc did the same, as we went back for him, but... Agh, it's definitely a very tricky subject.

Speaking of, what about you, Kait? What's your way of imagining yourself in mc's shoes? His AE is such a rollercoaster of emotions, and everyone would handle it very differently. It's interesting to read through each individual interpretation!

I think my problem is that I'm just as bad as he is when it comes to being self-sacrificial. I look at Jihyun Kim sometimes and see what can happen if you don't learn how to reflect on why you're willing to do that and I go, "Wow. I don't like this mirror!" Saeyoung is guilty of this as well, just as much as GE Saeran is. I see myself often getting into an argument with Saeran and Saeyoung because we're a bit too willing to give up everything for the sake of the people around us.

It's not a bad trait, but at its worst, it can be. After all, any trait can be bad if it is pushed to the extreme in the worst kind of way.

In my position, I feel like I would argue with him tooth and nail about it, even more so than the MC does during the route... and MC does... try their best to reason with him. I see the situation as one where he deserves to have the opportunity to have a safe life with his brother as a family again, and I can't imagine them being separated by life and death.

Even at the cost of myself, I wouldn't want them to be apart again, and Saeran wouldn't want that. He would tell me to live my life and experience everything the world has to offer for him. His eyes can... can be mine, and Saeyoung's. He can see the world through us and our love for him as a family. His brother and partner can experience life for him and if there's an afterlife, they can tell him all about it as soon as they meet him.

I would argue with him tooth and nail, tears burning in my eyes the entire time, but in the end, if I’d been with him since the beginning, he would know I would never leave him behind. He would know that and plan for it. He would make sure Vanderwood would come after me and make me leave. He would tell the RFA to make sure I stayed back so I could live. He would think of my inability to leave him back there by himself and do everything to save me.

The worst part is that I know he wouldn't ask for my forgiveness.

He would have tears in his eyes as well, knowing that he didn't want to leave this world, but at the same time, knowing that if his sacrifice gave me and his brother the opportunity to live, it was worth it. That truth was... God. He told Rika and V that he didn't actually want to die and be left behind... just that he was at peace knowing that this was... probably the only answer that didn't kill others. He thought one life... one life lost was better than dozens.

In the end, I know I wouldn't be angry with him for doing this because I understand why he did what he did, but the pain of thinking I might not ever see him again because he was willing to give up his life for me is overwhelming.

I would be plagued by the guilt that only survivors know. Saeyoung would, too. I don't even want to imagine what would happen if he didn't live that day. If I hadn't been as stubborn as the MC to make sure he lived like he wanted to. 

So, yeah, I genuinely think if he knows what kind of person you are he would have planned for that outcome. Doesn't make it any better but he's just that kind of person. So, try not to think about the thought of Vanderwood dragging me off the scene, sobbing and screaming to let me stay— let me stay— let me stay— let me stay— let me stay— let me stay—! 

If you know anything about me, it's that I would have gone back for Ray in V’s Route. I would have tried to pull him out of that building myself, even if I only had a minute to try to get him out of there by the time I got back. I know what it feels like to be alone, and I can't stand the thought of any of them being aware at a time like that. Is it the healthiest thing? No, of course not. Real life would definitely be different than me imagining scenarios, as I would be looking for any and all options to keep us from going down a path of destruction. 

V can't trust me, I'd be wanting to tell Saeyoung about his brother well before the end of Ray Route.

[cellard0ors]

Fic: Pin Me (3/?)

"So, don't take this the wrong way, but I saw you last night."

"You mean when we met?" Laura asks into her cell, grinning at the sound of Travis's voice. She honestly wasn't sure if he was actually going to call. He wasn't her normal type, but there has been something about him that had appealed to her.

She supposes it was the hangdog expression he'd worn at the bar. Sure, a lot of older fellas had that face, but his had been particularly... compelling.

Not to mention it had been a long while since she had noticed anyone period. After she and Max ended things, there had been a few one time flings on the road, but for the most part she'd avoided dating.

Now, however, she found she was more open to it. Probably because Travis wasn't her normal type. It was refreshing, in a way, to actually pursue a man as opposed to a boy.

She was surrounded by boys. Boys who played make believe for a living so much so that they didn't seem to understand the difference between fantasy and real life.

For example, a man, a true one, would call. And while she had doubted he would, the fact he has just proves her point and leaves her feeling delighted.

Delighted until he pauses and says softly, shyly (embarrassedly), "Uh, no...I saw you last night on stage? Or-or I guess you'd say the ring?"

"Oh." Laura tries not to wilt but fails spectacularly, because she's sure she knows where this is going.

Upon meeting him and talking to him, Laura quickly concluded he was not a wrestling fan. Men who were, tended to pick her out quickly, even when she wasn't in costume.

Apparently she'd been incorrect and the truth stung. Even more with his next words, "It sure was... something."

Laura grimaces, prepared for an ugly turn to the conversation only for his tone to take on an awed inflection, "I mean it was...spectacular. Seeing you up there, doing those moves. How do you do it?"

The last is asked with the kind of sheer astonishment she's heard people turn towards firefighters or military men. As if what she does out there is a life risking feat.

And it can be, under the right circumstances,but it's never been something she's viewed as worthy of respect. But the way Travis makes it sound as if it is floods her with pleasure, "Oh! Um. I mean, it's... it's not that difficult..."

The sound of disbelief from him makes her giggle and she beams, "Just some simple gymnastics. I was on the team in middle school and high school. I'd planned on going into veterinary training when I graduated, but a friend of mine suggested the wrestling circuit as a way to pick up some cash over the summer between and, I dunno, I kinda liked it."

"Well it shows. You were something else out there."

"Really?"

"Yeah. My brothers are the wrestling fans. I just went along with them as a family thing. Didn't expect to see you out there - doing backflips and all."

Laura shakes her head to herself, "Didn't you tell me you're a sheriff?"

"Yeah, but it's not an enviable job. Most people hate the police - I take it you experience the opposite, being face and all," At her laugh he suddenly adds (with no small amount of insecurity), "... that's what it's called, right? Chris only told me about a lot of this stuff recently, so-?"

"Yes, yes," she manages between her chuckles, "I'm currently playing a face. I was a heel, back when I was Screamin' Siobhan, but once I moved up from the midcard-?"

"...mid-what now?"

Laura is just over the moon. He really doesn't know! And his genuine curiosity is almost novel. Clearly, it's been too long since she's really struck up a relationship with someone outside the circuit.

She explains a bit about her position in the roster and how far she's come. When she gets to how much and where she's traveled she notices a cool silence and sighs, "Yeah, I...I don't get a lot of breaks. This job is like being in the circus in more ways than one. It's a very transient lifestyle."

"Where are you headed next?"

"Detroit."

"Yeah?" He asks and then, tentatively, "I've always wanted to go to Michigan..."

The knot of excitement that forms in her belly is tangible, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Not to mention, I have been putting off my vacation for or, I don't know, six years?"

"Really? You don't say?"

He just hums and she avoids (and fails) wiggling about in her seat in excitement, "Well, if you happen to be that way on Thursday the fourteenth I might have some free time - what with the show being Saturday night and all."

"Sounds like a date." Travis returns and there's a certain tune to his voice that makes her shiver.

Sounds like a date indeed.

[ayyyez]

I'm so glad that you're back! I genuinely missed your headcanons (especially Neji ones since I simp for him as much as You). What about naruto boys reacting to reader being lithosexual +/or sex-repulsed? I can imagine Jiraya being flabbergasted lmaoo

a/n: aww thank you I really appreciate that! I'm glad to be back. Haha yes gotta love our mans Neji he's just the sweetest, awkward (beautiful) bean. Now I actually hadn't known about lithosexuality before this so it was really interesting to look into (especially as someone who also identifies on the ace spectrum - demi) so I hope I did this justice! I did do both. But yeah someone like Jiraya would probably be flabbergasted first hearing about it but then again once he's older he's probably the one who has heard it all lmao

I picked a couple random characters I was feeling I hope thats okay!

I'm going to chuck a definition on here for those who may also want to know more information but also keep in mind like with everything it's different for everyone who idenitifies and deeper than this mere definition:

Lithosexual is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum. Someone who is lithosexual may experience sexual attraction but does not want it reciprocated. The lithosexual person may be uncomfortable at the thought of someone being sexually attracted to them, or they may lose their sexual feelings if they learn it's reciprocated. As such, lithosexuals do not feel compelled to seek out a sexual relationship. Like with any sexual orientation, lithosexuals can have any romantic orientation.

Tags: discussing sexuality, lithosexuality, demisexuality, sex repulsion, pansexuality

Characters: Neji Hyuga, Madara Uchiha, Shisui Uchiha

Neji Hyuga

Neji honestly doesn't know much about different sexualities and identities when he is younger thanks to the conservative environment he grew up in. He doesn't even know what he identifies as until later when his world view gets opened up tbh.

That is exactly what happens the day you sit down and explain to him your sexuality. It's very blunt and to the point. It ends with something along the lines of 'So yeah, that's me.'

Yeah that's you. As if you didn't just blow his entire world view. 'Oh.' He says as if he doesn't want to ask But how did you figure all that out by yourself?

If he did ask that you could have bonked him on the head and told him of course you didn't. You figure it out through other people. By reading, talking, etc. But he didn't he just sits there stunned looking out at the trees while you try not to laugh at his lopsidded expression.

But its through this stunned encounter and many more conversations that Neji learns he is demisexual. Huh so there was a word for what he was after all? He feels? Satisfied? No. He feels a little more certain. Of himself and the world. A lightness in his step.

If you told him you are sex repulsed Neji is the type to be the most understanding and respectful. (You also have to tell him exactly what it means though because he's a little confused at first but he's got the spirit) Finds out your boundaries the second it comes up. Never strays from them.

Madara Uchiha

A who what when where how? Confusion. However, he's an attentive listener when it comes to all things serious. Especially if you're someone important to him. Doesn't mean he's not all smirky and making jokes to ease to tension. They're not in poor taste but he's so awkward lmao.

He makes talking about it fun nonetheless. But he also feels bad for all the times he flirted with you because he flirts with everyone (he's a natural flirt) and now he feels like he needs to apologise bc he's that guy. You can take it or tell him to stop trying to be a gentlemen it's not for him lmao.

I can see the conversation just casually going into the lighthearted territory after this. The two of you just talking about sexualities in general. Madara casually being like oh pan? Yep that one. Mine. Okay congratualitions sir. Label yourself to your hearts content.

Real talk though this bastards a little smug just by the fact that you trusted him enough to tell him. He feels important. Special.

Tell him that you're sex repulsed and he's also confused. Like he can put the words together and he THINKS he knows what it means but you really should make sure because his mind can just take off sometimes. So yeah he's sitting there like the pikachu meme politely while you explain it to him. And once your done it clicks and MADARA IS BACK he's cool and understanding.

He's definitely on the opposite end of the spectrum with that sort of thing which is fun because he gets to learn! He didn't know it was a thing until now. He's very big on respect so he'll respect you for telling him honestly. Won't cross any boundaries. Make jokes about him though being a gremlin he deserves it lmao.

Shisui Uchiha

I feel like he's going to be the kind of guy who knows a little about this sort of thing? Like you think he's going to be surprised with that carefree front he puts up but he always just knows everything about everything. Damn anbu man.

'Oh yeah that's kind of like when you don't want someone reciprocating sexual attraction right?' He just drops on you in reply. and all you have to say back is 'Yeah kind of.' To which you go on to explain exactly how it is for you.

And he listens. LIKE ACTIVELY LISTENS. Eyes watching. Head nodding. Absorbing everything like its a damn assignment. Such a sweet guy. The best friend like ugh. The best. Asks questions too when he doesn't understand.

'Does that mean you don't ever want to date either?' and then 'Oh wait is that to invasive? Sorry I got to curious don't feel like you have to answer.' Like super curious but also considerate. He's just super interested in finding out more about but also learning about you since you're in his life.

Since the discussion was so deep and serious he'll end it with. 'Well that was great lets go grab some dango.' As if it were just any other day. It's the pure acceptance and sweetness for me.

As for sex repulsion he'd probably also know what it is but want you to clarify what it is for you (if it was something you were wanting to discuss since you brought it up) He wouldn't say to much other than 'Aw thanks for telling me.' But would ask questions again if they were prompted.

And of course if it was a seperate conversation yaknow this man is taking you for food again. He was taught that deep conversations should end with good food.

[sophieinwonderland]

I understand why disordered and traumagenic systems hate non-disordered systems like mine, and I understand that trauma and (C)PTSD can be part of the reason. I'm perfectly aware that the communities need to stop fighting and that we should definitely encourage more understanding and empathy with each other and I want to do that.

But at the same time... I'm also mad. It boils my blood that the people who should we fighting alongside me label my experiences as fake in front of singlets so they feel (even more encouraged) to shit on non-disordered systems.

It's frustrating when people who you don't even know get mad at you and act like your existence is a personal act to them and even literally say it, when you don't even know them and you being a system has nothing to do with them.

And I feel like an hypocrite being like "We need to be more understanding with each other" and at the same time be like "I can't stand sysmeds, I hate them", but I want to help this community how I can. I dunno if you've felt like that before.

I want to be understanding but at the same time I don't think I will be able to the most pacific and understanding person, that I think people expect me to be, when other systems tell us to our face that we are not systems, that we just have repressed trauma (are they going to pay the therapy for us?), that we have [insert disorder] when they should know better than diagnosing strangers in the internet, when they say we're are harming them just for saying "we exist".

You're not a hypocrite for hating people who hate you for existing.

And I think that understanding why someone feels the way they do doesn't excuse or justify it. People aren't born bad. It's learned. But people are always still responsible for their own behavior.

Look at the response to the McLean video. Many of the systems justifying the fakeclaiming are coming from a genuine place of not understanding the systems in the video clips.

Systems who hid their plurality for all their lives out of fear of being seen as crazy, systems who more often than not felt crazy themselves for what they are, are not going to relate to these DID influencers who proudly display their systems for the world to see without having to feel ashamed for being different.

I can understand how this lack of shame may be so completely inconceivable to them. And with being fakeclaimed themselves, I can understand how they could see this the fakeclaiming as acceptable behavior, or just not recognize what the video did as being fakeclaiming because it's so normalized.

But understanding why they feel the way they do... it doesn't change anything... that video and its supporters still emboldened the r/fdc type. The systems in it were still harassed because of the video. And pluralphobes have more justification for their irrational hatred.

And by siding with the presentation, it gives the okay for this behavior.

While understanding the perspectives of others is important, I don't think ever view needs to be validates or respected.

And while I can understand why some traumagenic and disordered systems may be anti-endo, let's not forget that many aren't.

Every single one has a choice. And some choose hate.

Most may not be evil. They may not be irredeemable. But they've chosen a position that we can't afford to accept or tolerate in our community.

[wof-reworked]

Hey, as you are part of the lgbtq+ community, what would you have to say about cis gender and straight people? (I'm that :>) I kinda feel common and boring, even though this is who I am. What should I do??

(heads up I tend to use queer pretty liberally bc I like it but y’know. ymmv)

I think,,, people are genuinely sometimes too harsh in their condemnation of cishet people, not that cishet ppl aren't perpetrators of homophobia/transphobia but acting like cishet people can never be friends of queer people or have shared experiences of queer people just hurts us as much as it hurts you and other cishet people. And I’m saying this from the perspective of the fact those jokes made me feel significantly more trapped in my own queerness bc it felt like if I questioned myself and found myself “lacking” I would lose my queer friends and support system entirely. And that sucks !!! It stopped me from considering hormones because it felt too permanent if I did turn out to be cis, it stopped me from being as proud of being bi because it felt like if I was wrong it’d be a mark against my character that I, a “straight” person, thought I could understand bisexuality, just shit like that which began to really add up.

Cishet people definitely need to respect queer peoples boundaries, and this especially includes respecting when queer people in your life tell you they don’t want to spend time educating you or don’t want to engage with you. This isn’t an excuse to push your way into queer peoples lives unfairly and queer people have every right to prioritize their relationships with other queer ppl over yours. But I think when queer people decide to declare all cishet people their enemies by nature of being cishet it ends up keeping you in a perpetual persecution complex. It feels unhealthy in the long term imo.

With all that said: You're not boring, you're not common, you're a fully incredible and unique person with your own intricacies and relationship to sexuality and gender. Your experiences are different than mine, but different is all it really is, once you strip away the social prioritization of cishet monogamous relationships. Love is Love and all that.

On a less fluffy note though: I think there is a matter of perspective and privilege here. I think with the wave of more LGBT content and awareness it’s easy to get sort of lost in it, especially if you’re cis, because people who have been the majority tend to view subconsciously any deviation from that majority as bigger in scale than it actually is. You, as a cishet person, have literal hundreds of years of priority in romance, relationships, expressions of sexuality, gender, basically *everything*. We don’t have stuff like “cishet history” in the way we have “queer history” but that’s because we just call it history, full stop. I don’t say this to be judgemental or to cast blame, but as a practical sense of scale. I think it might honestly be a good idea to extricate yourself from queer spaces/the online sphere in general and get some perspective on where you stand in society and what you do have. Genuinely check in with yourself, without judgement, that’s the best thing I can say to do.

I really appreciate this question, I’m sorry it took me so long to write, life and my phone being broken meant I needed to rewrite this a few times ^^;;. Happy pride month !!

[greenjacketwhitehatdocmui]

Here's an interesting thing from J. Michael Straczynski about his opinion for writing characters in franchises. This was from an interview several years ago, and the relevant part is from the start of the clip until 1:28:17. Any emphasis is mine. TW: Mild profanity.

Here's my transcript of the clip:

Interviewer: So, quite apart from stealing, can we talk about, uh, working for licensed characters? So, you've created a lot of original material. You've also written characters like Thor and Spider-Man. Uh…what-what are the challenges of working in someone else's sandbox?

JMS: Well, I think I have an obligation, to when someone says to you, "here's this character who is a trust of ours, and…been around for fifty years…and don't screw him up," you have an obligation to treat that character fairly. And to--and to hand it back to the company as good a condition as he was when you first got him. With your own characters, there's more of a freedom to experiment, to do different things, to screw him up a little bit more. Fiction, when done properly, is about putting your character up a tree and throwing rocks at them.

(audience laughs)

JMS: And when there's a franchise character, the rocks are very small.

(audience laughs)

JMS: And they don't leave lasting marks. When it's your own character, you can cut off an arm, who gives a shit? So, that's probably the biggest differences in the amount of creative freedom. Um…and to know that you're working in, on hollowed ground. Hallowed ground. Could be hollowed, too, if um…if it's the Mole Man, then it's hollowed!

(audience laughs)

JMS: If it isn't the Mole Man, then it's hallowed! (grimaces) So, and then you have to respect where you are. And, and there's lots of people who come into a book and say "I will put my fingerprints all over this." Screw you! It's not about your fingerprints. It's about respecting the character and trying to find some corner of them that no one has explored before. That's cool. But you don't remake the character just because you can. You have to respect what goes before you.

(end clip)

And yes, this is the same JMS who is associated with "One More Day," one of the most infamous storylines--which JMS says later in the clip that it was Joe Quesada's story, not his. He was forced into leaving his name on the story, which he highly disagreed with. He left Marvel Comics shortly thereafter.

He's not perfect; but he genuinely tries to be a decent person. He does not mess with the reader/viewer out of sheer, malicious glee (*coughcough* Whedon). He serves the story, one that must make sense.

I just wish that more writers in the Big Two or even other pop culture outlets took this advice. At times, it feels like fanfiction writers do more research and put more care into their stories than what we're seeing on the big or little screen.

--Doc

[kit-the-dreamer]

°.• Secret Meeting •.°

:: The Vent Society : OH-013's story ::

Quick clarification: OH-013 is a Sackbot Oc of mine inspired on @thegoobiedoober 's idea of The Vent Society. I will probably start writing parts of her life experiences in random order to start telling the story she has to offer. It'll probably feel like a puzzle, idk xd

I hope you enjoy ♡

°.•.°.•.°.•🔆°.•.°.•.°.•

...

"Yeah... I remember you" said the voice from the other side of that thin wall.

"Excuse me?" she asked. Not in shock or surprise though, she genuily didn't understand what he meant.

"You're excused" was his response.

OH-013 heard devilish but genuine laugh from behind that vent. She didn't get what was so funny about that comment. She let out an unvoluntary confused robotic sound due to that odd situation. The laugh stopped a few seconds after.

"You have no sense of humor." he spitted, although with no harsh feelings.

"I was not built to detect jokes, my apologies for the missunderstanding." she answered in a monotonous but kind tone. That response clearly showed the limits her AI had. Or the limits that were intentionally put during her programming...

He hated that lack of respect towards his her species.

A few seconds passed when he ralized that the silence had made its presence clear again.

"What I was saying is that I remember you. From 'The Grand Battle'. " he broke the silence once more, refusing to accept nor mention that dumb apology of hers from some moments ago. Stupid Sackbot programming.

OH-013 felt a shiver run down her circuits at the sole mention of that day. She thought she had already forgotten it, but now, now it felt like it had been just yesterday she was fighting against the pawns of the... The Negativitron.

"Hey..."

That day was gloriously devastating. The Alliance won, that's for sure, but, at what cost? Her comrades, pals, friends, family... all recycled into the Imagisphere, transformed into abstract traces of creativity traveling through the Cosmos...

"Hey."

She realized that description sounded better than it really was.

"HEY!"

"Eeep!" OH-013 got startled. She covered her mouth half a second after she let out that weird sound. How embarrasing. However, the other didn't seem to care enough to make fun of her or even mention what he just heard.

"I was talking to you, if you haven't noticed, miss." he said. "So indeed, I am waiting for an answer, something that should be common when having a conversation."

Ok, rude.

Maybe this clarified how much he really hated silence, or probably the mere feeling of loneliness. Again, she doesn't know how long he has been stuck inside this vents by his own. Not even he remembers-

It was just then, after all this thoughts, that it finally struck her.

"Wait... did you said you... 'remember me'? "

"Uh... yeah? I said it twice already." he said a little bothered. "It was noticeable that you weren't a battle sackbot, so you kinda stood out. Your clumsy movements with the Positivitron thing were clear enough. You definitely weren't prepared for it all! Hahaha!" he lighted up his tone.

Even though he couldn't see her due to the wall between them both, OH-013 blinked in confusion. She didn't know what she should be feeling or doing at the moment.

She heard a sigh from the other side.

"But you were just following orders I guess. Am I right?"

Finally, something she could really answer.

"You are correct. I am indeed created to follow orders."

He was surprised for her taking the subject so lightly. With that response, she showed him she knew her place on this all. She knew she was a pawn, fighting for ''the bigger cause'' of her team, and was alright with it. Unlike him.

Maybe being on the Negativitron's side wasn't as different as 'The Alliance' after all.

"Did I say something wrong?" OH-013 asked as she became aware of her counterpart's silence.

''No, I was just... thinking about something." he replied.

"How come you remember me?" she clarified her question, since her doubts hadn't been cleared at all.

"Pffft, what the hell do you mean with that? I was reprogrammed by him to remember the enemies' face and characteristics." he said in a sour tone. He didn't like talking about the subject of 'programming'. He preferred thinking he was kind of free at this point, even if, ironically, he was being unvoluntary kept as a prisioner in those vents.

"Also..." he added in a softer tone, "your face isn't easy to forget."

OH-013 felt something weird after that statement. It was something that felt good nonetheless, but, why didn't she have the words to describe her current feelings?

Was she... geniuily smiling this time? Was that what happiness felt like? REAL happiness?

...

No.

It wasn't happiness.

She was still stuck in these vents. Logically, she couldn't be happy unless she gained her freedom back...

her 'freedom', anyway.

But she still kept her smile.

She had always been told that she was replaceable, not-unique, recyclable. She was ONLY an 'OH-' unit after all, nothing else. There were thousands of them out there. OH-090, OH-483, OH-103... and probably others stuck in the vents as well. Sackbots who no one went to look for. Not even her. Because they were replaceable.

But this little weird monster from the other side of the vent's wall, someone that wasn't even her enemy but declared as THE enemy, was showing her otherwise.

He remembered her.

He truly did.

And after all this days they've been stuck 'together', she haven't even bothered to ask his alphanumeric identifyig code name. He didn't seem amused by it though...

At all.

[blurblurdeactivated]

BOUNDARIES.

here's a list of my online boundaries that i will update when necessary that you are expected to respect if you interact with me, thank you;

no racism, sexism, queerphobia, or ableism will be tolerated. while these things may be present in some of my works they are just that works of fiction and the discussion or portrayal of them in my writing does not reflect how i feel about them when it comes to what is acceptable and they are not.

if you hate on my opinions, favourite characters, works, etc do not interact. block me, do whatever you gotta do to not see my content, i will not tolerate hate on the basis of my likes and thoughts. i'm happy to disagree with people and have differences of opinions but i'm not here to debate anything with anyone.

if i post, say, write, or promote something harmful let me know. i want to be as welcoming as i possibly can to everyone and i won't tolerate my own harmful behaviours just as i won't tolerate anyone else's. this only applies if you have a genuine concern about something.

i don't owe you anything. i am here because i really like tumblr and i like writing and making content but i'm not obligated to produce that content and i've had experience with entitled users before and it's just icky. if you like my work support me, comment, reblog, message me, i want to keep writing. if i don't you're allowed to be disappointed but that's not my problem so please don't make it mine.

don't criticise my work. if you don't like something that's all goods but i honestly don't wanna hear about it. i write for myself 99% of the time so if it's not your thing it's not my problem and i honestly couldn't care less. keep it to yourself.

if you cross any of my boundaries or make me uncomfy, i'm gonna block you. it's simple but it needs to be said. i'm just here for the fun so anyone that isn't doesn't need to be here.

these boundaries are here to keep me safe, i know they sound a little harsh but i can't afford to and shouldn't shy away from or sugarcoat them. i know the vast majority of you are decent human beings so i'm honestly not worried about any of these things, i just know it'd be a disservice to myself not to assert them clearly. thank you for reading, have a nice day/night <3

[but-a-humble-selfshipper]

Actually L.L. in Dialtown real so let me ramble about them (I'll eventually give them a proper design [working on it but y'all know I hate drawing clothes] and introduction post but I just need to ramble now ok? ok.)

For starters the main people they'd have relationships with: Randy, Mingus and Hobo

Maybe Norm too but I didn't think of them both together much aside from the normie solidarity angle

They didn't actually replace their head but at the same time they kiiiinda did because after a while the tv they put on themselves kinda started merging with their flesh

This can be removed but it's not as easy as popping it out. Well, it is, but know. Yeowch.

L.L. also goes by a different name here because when meeting their first person (idk who that'd be) they didn't understand if they were asked "what are you" or "who are you" so they tried to say TV and Luly at the same time and just blurted out Tuvy and then were too embarassed to correct it.

Hobo logically realized pretty fast that they're not one of the creatures he made but he was like Eh Whatever bc who give a shit

L.L. is actually homeless here because they're piss fucking poor (like Norm, all their money is useless since it has a human headed president) so they either sleep with Hobo or with Randy

Now for some character specific things:

Randy:

I can't tell yet if they're dating. Maybe a little?

They most definitely fucked though

The only thing that differentiates L.L. from Gingi is that they can keep their thoughts to themselves. But they also want to eat this guy. Probably for way hornier reasons than Gingi does though.

They're still very protective of him tho trying to make him grow a spine but ALSO feel comfortable and capable of trust.

They also want to teach him how to fight but that's more of a pipe dream

Hobo:

They definitely have something going on of some sort. Probably not sexual bc i think that man doesn't care about the horizontal mambo but they're something gay.

They also have a sort of... Solidarity as beings who don't exist on a single universe because of the problems this cause that helps them bond.

By this I mean L.L. went to cry to his dumpster when they first realized holy shit Peter is here and he's alive (but I can't do anything about it because he won't recognize me, he doesn't know who I am.)

Hobo understood their despair all too well and did their best to try comfort them. Also offered them booze so they both got kinda drunk together and he taught them the pros of fucking ignoring stuff 👍

Aside from that incident though they're just low-key lovebirds. TV4TV love. He's very chill and L.L. really enjoys hanging out with him.

Also they're both doggies.

He's just rlly attractive.

They also like genuinely care about him and hate when he gets all self deprecating.

Oh yeah also they cook him actual food which he LOVES ❤️

Mingus:

Romantic + sexual they're so fucking .

Falling for them was DEVASTATING for Mingus like a huge blow to her pride like The Mayor™ falling for this random loser guy⁉️

Yes.

They're so cute together though sometimes when Mingus purrs L.L.'s head starts vibrating or vice versa

Also L.L. has experience being a scratching pole so that's no issue.

Mingus is both possessive and detached. You're mine but also go for a hike I am very busy right now do whatever you want idc.

Mingus is also Way nicer to L.L. than she is to anyone else. Her morality pet if you will. They're her favorite y'know.

And just like the previous two L.L. really worries for her and does try to help but she's stubborn. Probably could get somewhere post chapter 3 though.

+

L.L. really likes Tango too

Def nothing more than platonic going on there though but they often see him when they are staying over with Mingus

First time they met L.L. was weird bc they're just weird but also bc they realized this was THE Everett Harry spoke about so it was a shocker but they were trying hard to be respectful

Another time they outright flirted with him bc they were experiencing POST nut psychosis and were still very loopy. He was very flattered AND flustered.

They're definitely restricted from dating though. Sad!

[discyours]

[ I think mindset makes a huge difference in how you interpret (and in turn experience) your bisexuality] not trans but i might be autistic, and felt this a lot. I feel more attracted to same sex because i like masc behavioural-aesthetic traits and the ratios of presence in each sex are too skewed (i know misogyny and sexism prevents many women from being very masc). I have a messy relationship with my osa and basically shot down or rationalized away any possible desire or shred of fantasy 1/?

because i deeply felt as a male my attraction to women was burdensome, lecherous and disrespectful, so it grossed me out. Plus i didnt want to be seen a "traitor" to the G community, and to women who felt safer around me because i didnt have desire, like id lose their trust and it hurt. I thought Real osa men cannot possibly feel persistently bad about their osa since its normal and so i just assumed mine wasnt genuine, just sameold homophobia making me invent exceptions for comfort 2/2

I forget that men use this website and are capable of interacting with my blog so I had to read this a few times before it made sense.

I feel like as far as someone not realising they're actually bi goes, gay-identified men come up less than any other group (although that might just be my bubble). I can't relate to what you're saying (other than feeling predatory for being attracted to women) but it is an interesting perspective and I appreciate your sharing it.

I do regularly hear this mindset from autistic men, where they feel creepy for being attracted to women and struggle to consolodate their attraction with the fact that women are regularly made uncomfortable by the men who find them attractive. It's a form of black and white thinking that can serve a purpose, but ultimately often leads to radicalisation when someone hits a point of no longer being able to reject their sexuality and ends up blaming society (read: women) for making them feel guilty about natural impulses. At which point they swing in the opposite direction and reject any notion that they should moderate themselves and take women's feelings into account.

Autistic men who are still in phase 1 are some of the most respectful men I've ever met so I wish it weren't true, but ultimately it just isn't sustainable to reject your sexuality. Even just acknowledging that the attraction is there and that it's okay for it to be there, even if you never intend for it to lead you to approach the people you're attracted to (personally took this approach for a while because internalised homophobia was way too much of a barrier for it to be fair for me to start a relationship with a woman) can go a long way in not ending up like. Insane about it.

[spockandstars]

HOMOPHOBIA TW

“The Homosexuals” is an episode of CBS Reports that was aired on March 7th, 1967.   I’m currently using it as a source for a research paper, but once I noticed it was filmed at the same time as Star Trek I took a step back to reexamine the significance of many scenes in the series.  (For reference, “Amok Time'' was aired on September 15th, 1967.) I wanted to discuss the documentary here because I feel that it provides important context for the environment in which the show was made.  It demonstrates the horrifying extent of anti-gay discrimination in the late sixties, and makes the parallels between Spock’s character development and the gay experience even more clear.  

I created a compilation of moments from both “The Homosexuals” and Star Trek, hopefully to illustrate exactly why Spock’s story has resonated with so many gay people.  Please be warned that the report is very painful to watch due to the way it treats the subject of homosexuality, so proceed with caution if that upsets you.

I couldn’t get the captions to work, so I included a transcript below!

SPOCK: I'd hoped I would be spared this, but the ancient drives are too strong. Eventually, they catch up with us, and we are driven by forces we cannot control to return home and take a wife... Or die.

NARRATOR: This man is different from many we have seen ‘till now. For he, along with tens of thousands of his brothers, is married.

INTERVIEWER: Why did you get married in the first place? MAN: I think it was this uh… really this being frightened into heterosexuality. I was terribly frightened of the homosexual feelings, the guilt associated with having feelings of attraction for other males.

SPOCK: Jim, when I feel friendship for you, I am ashamed.

NARRATOR: The next day, the paper ran an editorial entitled “Crush the Monster,” crush homosexuality. The yearlong investigation that followed shook Boise to its foundation.  When it was over, fifteen months later, one homosexual was in a state penitentiary with a life sentence...

MCCOY: Do you know why you're not afraid to die, Spock? You're more afraid of living. Each day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip and let your human half peek out.

MAN: I can’t continue to keep this thing undercover.

MCCOY: Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling. 

PSYCHIATRIST: The fact that somebody is homosexual, a true, obligatory homosexual, automatically rules out the possibility that he will remain happy for long… Homosexuality is in fact a mental illness, which has reached epidemiological proportions. 

KIRK: I’ve got it, the disease… love. You’re better off without it and I’m better off without mine.

MAN: I know that inside now I am sick.  I am not sick just sexually, I am sick in a lot of ways.

KIRK: Spock… (that funky music that goes off when Spock is having a sexuality crisis plays)

REPORTER: Most Americans are repelled by the mere notion of homosexuality.  The CBS News survey shows that two out of three Americans look upon homosexuals with disgust, discomfort, or fear.  One out of ten says hatred.

SPOCK: An earth woman living on a planet where love, emotion, it’s bad taste.

I respected my father, our customs. I was ashamed of my earth blood!

NARRATOR: The homosexual, forced to live between two worlds, strikes back at an antagonistic society.

SPOCK: Understand, Jim? I’ve spent a whole lifetime, learning to hide my feelings.

REPORTER: The homosexual, bitterly aware of his rejection, responds by going underground. They frequent their own clubs and bars and coffee houses where they can escape the disapproving eye of the society that they call straight.

SPOCK: (singing) He loves in the breathless excitement of night, then leaves with your treasure in cold morning light.                                                

CROWD: (laughing, jeering) Careful Mr. Spock, too much love is dangerous. Remember, Cupid’s arrow kills Vulcan.

NARRATOR: The dilemma of the homosexual. Told by the medical profession he is sick. By the law, he is a criminal. Shunned by employers, rejected by heterosexual society. Incapable of a fulfilling relationship with a woman, or for that matter, a man.

CHAPEL: I love you.                                                  SPOCK: I’m sorry… I am sorry.

MAN: I personally don’t believe in a love relationship with another man. I think this is a part of the gay folklore, something they try to obtain but never obtain it.

MCCOY: Because you’ll never know the things that love can drive a man to. The ecstasies, the miseries. The broken rules, the desperate chances. The glorious failures, the glorious victories.  All of these things you’ll never know, simply because the word “love” isn’t written into your book.

NARRATOR: At the center of his life, he remains anonymous. A displaced person. An outsider.

[shooting-stars-only]

So. I do not consider myself a radfem, TERF, or even gender critical. However, I have found myself reading more and more posts from radfem accounts and I'm kinda scared to say that they're starting to make more and more sense. I still support trans people, and most of the ones i've met are genuinely nice people that I wish all the best. However. I just dont buy into everything thats being said about including trans women who have not fully transitioned (aka no top/bottom surgery, hormones, etc) into women's bathrooms. I also feel ( no matter how hard I try to deny it) uncomfortable at the thought of letting trans women into lesbian bars, because its unfair of women to show forced attraction to literally the thing they came out as not being attracted to? Does that even make sense? Im confused, and worried, because most of my friends are very liberal an dsome are even trans/non binary/genderfluid, etc. and as much as I love all of them, Im starting to see things that they say or do that just dint make sense and seem suprisingly like something the media has brainwashed them into believeing and parroting. Idk what Im looking for- clarification? Reassurance? A horrible response so I can go back to hating/being against "TERFS"? Sorry for the long ask.

Hi anon! You totally make sense. I think a lot of us now-radfems had very similar experiences. I know I did. I'm no feminist scholar, but I do like to babble talk, so I'm going to give you my perspective on your points, then some resources that might help you sort things out. Though I am not going to touch on philosophical topics like postmodernism because frankly, I'm still trying to understand the details myself. First off, I know trans people whom I like very much. I used to ID as nonbinary and I still have friends from that time period who are pro-gender ideology. I don't think that individual trans people are evil, want to cause harm, or are intrinsically bad people. Personally, I approach the groups of trans people and Trans Rights Activists differently; the former are regular people who are doing their best to survive, like most of us. The latter are the ones pushing gender ideology into the public view and causing harm. There is considerable overlap, but this Venn diagram is not a perfect circle, so I'm being super-specific for clarity's sake. That said, some radfems genuinely do hate all trans people. I disagree with this, as you can see*. I take what I semi-jokingly call the JKR stance on trans people: many of them are good people. All of them deserve absolutely every human right that anyone else does, including respect, protection from violence, and medical care.

But there's a phrase that goes something like "Your rights end where they encroach on mine." That is my problem with gender ideology and the trans rights movement. Because proponents of gender ideology and trans rights are genuinely encroaching on women's rights. They are passing legislation to change the definitions of gender to be based on feelings and not on any material facts, suppressing not just the needs but the very existence of biological women.

Your mentions of lesbian bars and women's bathrooms are perfect examples—the eradication of female-only spaces in favor of ones inclusive of trans women (males). Women are being de-centered from womanhood—not just in feminism, or even in pop culture, but in the experience of being female and having female-specific needs.

So, why is this problematic? (PS: I don't know how much radical feminist theory you've read, so apologies if you're already familiar with these concepts.)

Female socialization begins at birth (or even before) and consists mainly of the stereotypes of femininity being enforced on us. This socialization is part of what creates the divide between the oppressed and the oppressor. This is true regardless of when a person transitions; they could be ten years old and still will have lived 10 years being treated as their biological sex. This is just true, regardless of what anyone says. There are countless studies on the topic, which I can link you if you want, and of course, our own lived experiences—females are treated differently (worse) than males, and it starts before girls can even consciously realize it.

So, females want our own spaces because we have different needs, for physical and social reasons, and those are being taken away. This isn't ~TERF hysteria~ but objectively true; males want into our space and society is being convinced to let them have it. In fact, I would argue that trans-identified males (trans women) are appropriating oppression for claiming discrimination when females assert boundaries for their female-only spaces. It is fundamentally unfair to expect women to drop their boundaries to be inclusive of males.

(oh god I wrote literal paragraphs on other material consequences of gender ideology...not posting them now but can share if you're interested)

You also mention that you've noticed your friends parroting ideas that don't make sense to you. You aren't imagining that or making things up. The words "groupthink" and "thoughtcrimes" get thrown around a lot, but I really do believe there is a massive suppression of critical thinking or even asking good-faith questions about gender ideology going on—you are socially punished for questioning it, and sometimes legally punished. So, many of your friends may be supporting TRAs out of fear. Some might feel powerful because of it and be happy where they are. Some might buy into gender ideology because it's easier than thinking critically about these concepts—I was like that for a long time. Gender ideology gave me nice, pat rationalizations about my own feelings, cushioned me from acknowledging the reality of misogyny, and provided a friend group based on the queer community. But it is fundamentally not true, and I decided I care more about truth than my own emotional comfort.

(That said, it did take me years to come to this conclusion, so I empathize very much with women who also take time.)

So what I'm trying to say here is that your concerns are valid. I encourage you very much to do your own research and form your own opinions on the topic of gender. Contrary to what some TRAs say, reading or watching radfem content is not going to brainwash you. For all I know, you'll think, "wow, this is bullshit." (I suspect not, but you never know.)

Regardless, learning about radical feminism will inform you, and you can take what you've learned and decide what to do with it. Please remember that you are a smart woman who doesn't need to adhere to the gospel of any community because they say so.

(And for what it's worth, I've found radical feminist communities to be much more open to differing opinions and debate than queer communities ever were.)

Here are some resources:

Material Girls: Why Reality Matters for Feminism - Kathleen Stock (I adore this book. She has a very measured take on the topic and concentrates on the impacts of gender ideology as a whole rather than on individual cases.)

JKR's infamous essay, if you haven't read it

Detransition: Beyond Before and After - Max Robinson (A tentative rec because I only just started reading it, but it's an account of a woman who underwent transition due to dysphoria, then detransitioned as she discovered radical feminism. Short summary of a complex book, but it might be worth reading.)

Good luck, anon! Please feel free to DM me or send me another ask if you'd like. I 1000% will never out anyone who contacts me.

NB: Can any of my followers contribue video resources anon might find helpful?

*I want to acknowledge that as a 30-something bi woman in a long-term het relationship who doesn't do much social media (or even interact with many people IRL), I haven't been exposed to the bigotry, hate, and occasional physical violence that, for example, an early-20s lesbian might have. I'm sympathetic to women who've experienced this and understand their anger.