#and im about to overshare my dark past

[sparrowsonata]

here is some jonny d'ville to revive my account and win all the tma followers ever (university era jon)

[lex-jots]

Listener Lore/Headcanons

*pokes yuurivoice fandom with a stick*

hey there, im new to the fandom so here’s an invitation for interacting and infodumping <3 What headcanons/lore do you have for your respective listeners?

Mine:

Boo

Went to school for counseling but ended up dropping out. It's... still a sore spot. but you can still catch them reading books on psychotherapy definitely not to cope with that sense of failure. obviously totallyyy unrelated to their tendency rehabilitate bad boys LOL

Big fan of punk rock. Used to go to concerts in people's basements back in their college days. They have STORIES.

Transmasc but questions identity no less than 4 times a day.

Grew up midwestern and religious so naturally they feel permanently guilty for no reason. It's a bonding point between them and Seth

Rook

Normal. They are so so normal. Trust me guys, Rook's the name, and being normal's their game. they are an absolute hot MESS in their personal life, holy HELL

probably has the most fucked up past of any of my listeners

Could end someone's career with four words and a pair of unmentionables left on the proper desk. Auron knows this and thinks it's hot (though it goes without saying).

Casper

Probably agender or some flavor of non-binary but thinking about gender makes their head hurt.

Once almost got a sponsorship for skating but had to turn it down after getting injured. They pad up religiously before skating now, but they try to hide it under their clothes to look Cool:tm:.

Lofi connoisseur

Wants to copy Charlie's industrial piercing if they haven't already lol

Has social anxiety and overcompensates by acting Cool:tm:

The graphic on their deck glows in the dark!! and they are very proud of it!!

Sunflower

Tattoo artist, because I can't resist that sweet sweet florist x tattoo artist ❤️

Has the sickest sleeve tattoo known to man!! Goes out of their way to wear sleeveless tops to show it off

Alt fashion

Listens to EDM. AWESOME dancer.

all of my listeners have some flavor of ADHD but Sunflower has ADH to the D. Lowkey very insecure about it, esp in regards to emotional regulation.

Also has social anxiety and copes with it by acting extra bubbly and extraverted lol

Tendency to accidentally overshare.

[unablethethird]

once again

Same with you skip the weird ones

1: Name Robert [rob]

2: Age 14

3: 3 Fears 1- Friends dying/getting hurt 2-Going back to the last place i lived 3-Not being able to help/be there

4: 3 things I love 1-My frens 2-Laptop 3-headphones

7: My best friend You and yaya [irl]

8: Sexual orientation AroAce [fictoromantic/fictosexual, and kinda orchidromantic]

10: How tall am I 166cm [for now]

11: What do I miss

cant think of anything rn

12: What time were I born 4am

13: Favorite color red, orange, purple, black

15: Favorite quote "Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night, light a man *on* fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

16: Favorite place Arcade

17: Favorite food Imjaderah [rice+yoghurt+beans]

18: Do I use sarcasm sometimes, not rlly tho

19: What am I listening to right now

20: First thing I notice in new person Not sure, maybe symptoms???? but not on purpose

21: Shoe size No idea

22: Eye color dark brown [almost black]

23: Hair color black

24: Favorite style of clothing 1920s men atire

25: Ever done a prank call? Not that i can remember

27: Meaning behind my URL I mean this is the 3rd acc

28: Favorite movie THE LORAX!!!!

29: Favorite song right now it's

30: Favorite band FamilyJules? LemonDemon? Will wood? Chonny jash?

31: How I feel right now My body's scared but im chilling

32: Someone I love You /p

33: My current relationship status AroAce, platonically married

34: My relationship with my parents lol

35: Favorite holiday Eid al adha, free money

36: Tattoos and piercing i have Ear

37: Tattoos and piercing i want Sleeve tattoo when i transition

38: The reason I joined Tumblr Needed to continue a fic/comic that was on tumblr

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? idk

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? thank you fren /gen

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? my dad? maybe when i was really young

42: When did I last hold hands? My little sister, i didnt want her to get run over when crossing the road

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? As long as i have, if u give me an hour i'll take an hour, if you give me 30 seconds i'll take 30 seconds

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope, i get gender dysphoria from shaving my legs/arms

45: Where am I right now? Bed

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mum, not dad

49: Am I excited for anything? Turning 18 and going uni and being a human person with a human life

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Im an oversharer

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Im autistic so not in a deppressed way

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Cant remember

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? H [irl]

55: What is something I disliked about today? My sister stealing money from my mum, i was this close to having smoke outta my ears, she should know better

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? God, im going to beat the shit out of him

57: What do I think about most? Cringe memories i guess?

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can bird whistle

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Touch might be strange?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind fs

61: What was the last lie I told? "I don't know who they were talking about" [i didn't want to hurt her feelings]

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? voice, video is a nightmare

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yea because either i've seen them or im delusional [im delusional]. aliens are a given, even a bacteria could be one

64: Do I believe in magic? Kinda? idrk, maybe

65: Do I believe in luck? yea

66: What’s the weather like right now? cloudy n cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? DnD rulebook

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? LVORE IT LOIF LVOE LOVE IT

69: Do I have any nicknames? I get called by my last name a lot

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? not sure

71: Do I spend money or save it? Save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Unfortunatly no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My sisters deoderant

74: Favorite animal?

FOXES!!!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? calming myself down

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I dont think he has one, idk im not religious

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Corny/cringe as hell but Honeypie by JAWNY

78: How can you win my heart? havent thought about it

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

I TOLD YOU MY FOOT WAS KILLING ME

80: What is my favorite word? supercalifragilisticexpialadocious

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr Moots

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? your god is the right one [chaos]

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently, but my dad and some uncles were

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Time manipulation

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i dont think questions are scary

86: What is my current desktop picture? basic

90: Failed a class? classes

94: Had job? I have one now, dont always get paid though

95: Left the house without my wallet? Dont have a wallet

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no

98: Played on a sports team?

Unless school sport team counts

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? yea

106: Been to a wedding? ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Duh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe i dont remember

109: Been outside my home country? Technically im from iran, and i live in australia, so, yeah

110: Gotten my heart broken? i guess

111: Been to a professional sports game? no

112: Broken a bone? no

113: Cut myself? yeah Im stopping though

114: Been to prom? we dont have that

115: Been in airplane?

Yeah

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? kinda

119: Learned another language? I know arabic and english

120: Wore make up? Forced to when i was younger but not anymore

123: Dyed my hair? Part of it purple, but its gone now

124: Voted in a presidential election? Cant vote, eitherway all of em suck

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yep

126: Had a surgery? not sure, memory bad

127: Met someone famous? Not that i know of

128: Stalked someone on a social network? mutuals tumblrs

129: Peed outside? Yea

130: Been fishing? nope

131: Helped with charity? yep

132: Been rejected by a crush? nope

133: Broken a mirror? Yep

134: What do I want for birthday? Wouldn't ever happen because it's expensive as fuck but a pump it up machine

i usually get a slice of cake tho

[keirawantstocry]

I have been lurking in the shadows and reading your stuff for a while but I'm the sickest I've been in four years and your writing is the only thing giving me the will to live so. Do you have a favorite thing that you've written? Something that you're particularly proud of or something that you enjoyed writing a lot? Something that you still think about every now and then?

well hello then lurker, im so sorry you're sick and really hope you start feeling better <3

Honestly I have a few writings that have meant a lot to me. Not to overshare on the internet but writing has saved me. I started writing when I was quite young and struggling with a lot and it means more to me then anything else.

So favorite piece. About two or so years ago I started writing an original piece. It was called The Dark Kingdom not very original I know but every day at school I would write close to 2,000 words for it. Currently it's unfinished because a lot happened and I struggled to get past a scene that would led to the second half of the book but I think about it a lot. I pull it up sometimes and re-read my favorite parts. Not all of it because currently it sits at 42 thousand words. It was about a boy who was raised to be a warrior. His parents are revolutionaries. Since the moment he could speak, they were training him to be able to kill. At 22, he enters the castle in a competition to fight for the honor to be one of the Prince's personal guard. There he meets a whole collection of men like him who have much more half-hearted plans on how to kill the monarchs. But they're good people. He grows to care for them and they become like brothers to him. And he's sure it'll be easy but once he starts getting to know the Prince he realizes that he might be a victim of circumstance as well.

It's fighting! It's queer people! It's brotherhood and the importance of family! It's royalty! It's magic! It's my pride and joy that will possibly never see the light of day but it means a lot that i just got to talk about it a bit :) thank you anon

[cinnaminsvga]

When I flew to Korea. My biggest fear was starting my cycle right there on the plane🤣 cause it was due and a little late. Shout out to irregular cycles~ kidding kind of. Also mainly because the week before my flight I saw a video where the girl talked about how it suddenly happened mid flight the day she was traveling and it unlocked a new fear for me.

It waited til I entered my apartment in korea like within an hour I just was like oh no. Thank whoever was watching over me and was giving me good luck that day, and it also happened before the dinner I had to go to while I was still in the apartment. And also thankful @ myself that I packed like a 6 month supply for no reason other than just in case💀

Also sorry for the overshare I saw you got it in Japan while crouching to look at something lmao. And it activated that fear of it happening on a plane thought. I hope you got to handle that quickly or had something on you were close by so you didn’t have to tough it out. Also do you like pack let’s say your going somewhere for a week or two but you pack like 3 months of underwear you know incase you shit yourself 3 times a day every day for those two weeks and change your underwear 5 times a day for some unknown reason🤣 not that you would or that it’s ever happened but just incase that’s the one time it does. Or am I insane. It’ll be like 2 jeans 1 shorts and like 7 shirts. And pjs. But 3 months of undies and socks and period stuff)

[cont.] Can’t believe I talked about periods and shitting yourself hypothetically all in the same ask I’m so sorry🤣 My brain just caught up to that ask I just sent💀

period talk under the cut because we're bloody bitches 🌊🩸

whenever my cycle is coming up, i'll usually wear a panty liner at least two days before it's supposed to start... if the anxiety is bad (e.g. before a big flight or any event where i cant change undies) then i might even wear a whole ass pad a few days before it starts lol

lucky you that your period started before leaving your apartment HAKSDJKAS ive had experiences where im at lengthy dinner parties with no extra pads in my bag and just had to Suffer (hence why i wear dark pants most of the time... but have i started to bring pads in my bag? who can say...) but during my Squatting Incident™️, i was not close to my hotel so i was actually forced to Tough It Out for at least five more hours... it was pain, but i also got to buy an animal crossing cup for my troubles so i suppose it wasnt too bad... but the horrors... at least it didnt permanently stain my clothes 💀

i also do tend to pack a lot of pads when i travel around when my cycle starts because i do not trust international feminine products HKASDJKAS nothing against them but when youre at your lowest (i.e. your period), sometimes a little bit of home can help you a long way... I WILL SAY THO that my last period when i was in japan was unexpectedly stronger than usual... hence the whole squatting blood flood that triggered this entire conversation LMAO but yeah i ran out of pads and had to grab some from family mart... also i dont know japanese so i guess i grabbed the night time pads bc man those pads were like DIAPERS... covered my whole ass but it was thin enough that i didnt look like i was shitting my pants or smth lol

as for clothes... yes i do that thing too LMAOOO underwear is just touching WAY TOO MANY potentially disastrous areas that having extras is a necessity... i do admit though that in my past couple of travels, i have been packing more savvy than my usual anxious self... MINUS THE JAPAN TRIP BECAUSE AGAIN FOR SOME REASON I DECIDED TO PACK LIGHT??? so yeah i had to do my laundry once during the trip but that was my first time ever underpacking underwear (wow an assonance) and i had to google comprehensive steps on how to operate japanese washing machines because my social anxiety forbids me from Fumbling in Public because i think i'll be executed

anyway. i know none of you are reading all that. so tldr... ive been menstruating for years and yet somehow i am not an expert. what are the odds!!!

[reficu1]

hiiii ^^ was wondering if I could have a matchup for genshin?

name: Periwinkle or just Peri but i also go by quin sometimes

sexuality: bi with a preference for guys

gender: non-binary, they/them

likes: music, art, true crime, animals but especially sea creatures, makeup, fashion, the cold, dark psychology, night, horror movies an books, gore, monsters <3, tropical fruits, icecream, sleeping, giving gifts, snow, thunderstorms, nature, and dinosaurs lmao.

dislikes: rules, anyone super serious reminds me of my m o m lmao, people who interrupt others, sports, heat, people touching my sides without warning me first, people not paying attention to me when i talk, people who always hold a pity party for themselves as their whole personality, koalas, and people who think they have it worse than you.

hobbies: singing, poetry, painting, sketching, writing, cooking, crocheting, bike riding while listening to music, swimming, video games like (skyrim, minecraft, botw, subnautica)

personality: INFP-A. a lot of people say i seem intimidating at first glance, i'm very aggressive and tend to be very loud by nature yet not very energetic if that makes sense. i talk too loud basically lmao. im socially awkward and try to make people too comfy too quick and tend to overshare. my mood changes rapidly due to being a borderline. I have a very happy personality tho and laugh at so much its ridiculous yet im diagnosed with multiple mental disorders. im really lazy and hate even standing for more than 5 mins mainly cuz my whole body always hurts tho lmao. im quite introverted and unless i HAVE to i hate going out and meeting new people. i isolate myself a lot if i get even slightly mad or sad. i have a lot of self-destructive habits and just dont work on them lmao. i talk a lot about things i like. i have bad trust and attachment issues yet i dont completely trust anyone due to past issues. a lot of people ik say im someone very trustworthy since i can keep secrets and know how to stay loyal and help people when they need to vent. im very blunt to the point it has ruined relationships. i try to watch my speaking due to having grown up in an environment where if i said anything wrong id be screamed at or beat so i tend not to say a lot of things im thinking despite being blunt. i can barely speak up for myself if someone is mad at me for fear of them hating me or leaving me, to the point if i stand up for myself i start crying and shaking and have to leave the room. i have really bad issues with self-harm. i have a very short attention span and get distracted super easy t the point i can barely read properly lmao. im really hypersexual at times and then sex repulsed at other times. i have an obsessive personality and if i find anything i like i surround myself with it as much as i can and if not, im daydreaming abt it. i have a thing for correcting people abt anything ik a lot about. i have a thing for loving anyone, whether real or fake, that's usually unliked whether its for being weird, scary, or ugly in any form. so basically i love the unloveable cuz i understand them. i cuss a l o t lmao. im very clumsy and jumpy at all times lmao i get hurt a lot, randoms bruises everywhere. i find comfort in my depression so i dont plan on getting better but im not suicidal. im the type of person to be like "huh?" even tho i heard you loud and clear.

insecurities: my body. i'm overweight for my height and have really defined curves so i get oversexualized a lot so i hate my body, plus my scars do n o t help. ive been told my whole life by my grandma and my cousins that im only good for my body so yeah. the way i get obsessed with things and people so easily. the fact im very poor and currently am homeless along with my parents lmao. the way i look for bad in anyone i like becuz i dont want to let myself love ever again. how i dont want to get better at all, i just wanna stew in my shit lmaoooo. the way i eat really unhealthily. how when i would cry as a child my family would say i was being dramatic so now when i need to cry i gaslight myself into thinking im being cringe. the way i try to seem a bit cooler than i am in front of people online. my impulsive lying (im working on it with my therapist tho so i barely do anymore compared to before). My taste in people. my fashion sense cuz of my mom. the way im agnostic now since i grew up religious. my darker interests. my boyish personality. how i cant keep anything around me clean for more than two days.

I hope you have a great night/day ^^

Oh, it's sad how similar we are. I hope that in the future you will get rid of people who make you uncomfortable, or your parents will change their parenting methods. Although the scars on the body and on the nervous system will remain.

I match up for you...

Okay, it was difficult. I chose between two characters whose 7 is dominant in the enneagram, because of this they avoid their problems _(._.)_well...

I wanted to choose Venti, but he has huge problems with responsibility or absence. He is used to drowning out moral pain with optimism, conversations, and a penchant for bad habits. And a pretty sloppy attitude.

That's why I chose Child. Of course, I don’t know what will happen in the future and whether you want to have a family, so I will talk about his family in Snezhnaya. For the comfort of his family, he will do everything. Just look at his spoiled younger brother<^!^> Of course, the "lie" question bothers me. In his case, it is rather "a lie for the good" and "a wolf in sheep's clothing." The first is for the family so that they do not worry, and the other for his work. I talked earlier about avoiding reality or problems. Tartaglia has a tendency to avoid real issues that only concern his life and injuries. In conversation, he avoids the question by making a joke out of it, so as not to begin to study himself deeply. Since you don't really like touch, I see that his love language is deeds, gifts, money.

[inpursuitofmeaning]

September 9, 2024

Hello there, void! Oh, how I’ve missed your non-judgmental mirror. It's been a fucky wucky few weeks. Got a prophecy stone and it's rocked my world to say the least. Called a suicide hotline, went to Co-Dependents Anonymous, layed on the floor in a dark room pondering the existential concept of one’s self, got a new tarot deck, drank my bodyweight in tea, got drunk with a friend (never wanted the night to end), got a therapist, saw some friends (incredible friends) in toronto, and am currently dealing with the grief of letting go of some things that are well overdue to be let go of. More on that after the break... It’s the darkest before the dawn, right?

I’ve recently come to realize that there are a few relationships which I must, in the nicest way possible, leave. Call it a premonition, a download, a knowing, or whatever you want. But quite simply, it’s logic, I’m afraid. That the people who made me feel like shit - like I’m annoying, un-attractive, like i like them more than they like me—literally anything short of the grounded, funny, knowledgeable, wise person I want to be—must shove off. Seriously, people don't give a shit nowadays and it shows. I must be more critical of the people I let into my life. Are you kind, do you add to my life, do you make me feel at peace?

Amusingly enough, the moment I made the decision to distance myself from them (two people in particular, and another who distanced themselves), to no longer sought their validation, my self-concept improved, and blessings started flooding in. Immediately. The universe was just waiting for me to clean house. Almost as soon as I did, the universe was like, “Oh, you get it now. Here are some rewards. Keep going this way! Here's a treat you silly little ant”. Out of nowhere, people started approaching me in public, I got invited to hang out, I felt like conversation flowed naturally, and for the first time in forever, I felt grounded in the version of myself that I've been working toward.

But, of course, the universe doesn’t just hand you wins without throwing in a challenge or two. Classic. Biblical. So, I get tested. And lo and behold, old habbits die hard, and despite resisting the urge to seek validation from a friend by oversharing an exciting piece of news (that I had been invited on a walk by her brother's friend), I ended up telling her a few hours after seeing her in person. Damnit. That wasn’t very black-cat-sigma-male-thomas-shelby of me. I was really excited to have something going on that I didn’t immediately share. The irony? He’s one of the ones who reached out right after I leveled up my self-concept. Classic. Biblical. So, I want to have things going on in my life that others don’t know about. The self-respect to not tell people everything. So naturally im now hating myself and worrying that i ruined things. But this is ALSO part of the test. tricky one, universe. youre good.

This slip-up happened about 30 minutes ago. I felt like I was falling back into the same old cycle—the one that messes with my self-concept. Seeking validation, wanting her to be impressed, ask me questions, make me feel flattered and interesting. But I see it now for what it is: a test from the universe. It’s all part of the lesson. This challenge is here to show me where I still have work to do, where I need to tighten up so I can be unshakable in the face of things that actually matter.

But here’s the progress—I didn’t tell her right away. I left it a few days before I caved. I paused and realized I still have time to get back on track before I meet with him. This is an opportunity to be the person that I want to be. This is a chance from the universe to be a grounded self. The 3D is a reflection of the inside. As above, so below, and it’s not in real-time. Everything is a manifestation of the past self. So I can return to the current self. Be grounded in who I am. I've got options. It’s not the end of the world. The Emily that I want to be would recognize this and move forward. Recognize the blip and not do it again. It’s a lesson. Karmic. The pattern, revealing the unhealed. Growth is happening! It's okay to have shaken my self concept a little. its only been a day honey. it might take a few to change 24 years of a belief system.

Did her reaction make me feel like shit? Yes. Did I let myself down? Also yes. Does that mean it shakes the Emily of the now? No. I learn from it. Move forward. It’s an opportunity to be the person I want to be in the face of a challenge. Acknowledge what I didn’t like, and move on.

Now is a change to prove to myself who I am. And asure myself in what I know. That the resitsnce is re-direction.

[abuekabanam]

I tried to convince myself that even if it happened we'd never work out, were too different, too incompatible, and lead different lives. I made myself think it would be impossible for you to act that way, act affectionately, overshare, double text and actually care.

I did this to comfort myself, of the fact that its is never gonna happen, gave myself a comfortable reason, but in reality it's just that you don't feel that way about me. It really is that simple and I cant process that.

But then you had to text me during class when we were studying, the same day I decided to turn off all my notifications off, and it was so cute the way you texted. It showed me how you'd act if we were together. But my reply was weird I know. I told myself that the right person wouldn't suddenly hate you for one weird response.

But then I think back. I might sound crazy but its true. Why would you hug me that night? WHY? I cant stop thinking about that night. You had no reason to do that, it was already hours into the party and everyone had met each other. I didnt see you hug any other one of your friends. WHY? I still remember you waved at me silently with a drink in your hand and motioned to hug me, when I was waiting to get a drink. I went there so that you'd see me. I wanted to know if you'd say hi or not. But you hugged me instead, and im still at the bar, even right now, im still there, frozen in time. feeling the warmth of your furry coat, in my dress I hated that cold cold night.

You ignored me one night and hugged me the other. Why didnt you even look at me when I was there on the staircase, fallen and hurt.you walked right past me. Did you care? I looked so pretty that night. I keep wondering why you didnt care, why you didnt say something then, did you not care? or was it too dark for you to see?

I know I was there with a guy, but you knew he was just a date, nothing else. I hope you knew. WHY did you ignore me? all I wanted was for you to see me. all dressed up and pretty. The scarf you wore is stuck in my mind, I need it.

[poolofthoughtsbyclaire]

Hi! You can call me Claire. It’s not my actual name tho. I’d like to hide my real identity by that name. You know, to keep things private.

Growing up, I was the type of person who’s life was known by the most. At least for me, I think. I’m the type of person who willingly shares every story of my life to a friend, schoolmate, and even to a stranger. I grew up having the feeling that I need to tell people what’s going on in my life and now that I have grown up, I realized that it wasnt right. I grew up with fear that people are judging me for what I do and who I am and so I put a lot of pressure on myself which resulted to a chaotic version of me.

I realized that life doesnt always have to be shared. People dont have to know what you’re up to? They wont even care! So why bother sharing?

Maybe because it made me relevant to those people I want in my life. But growing up, people leaving you is inevitable because that’s just how things work. People arent always meant to stay in your life, and it’s okay. Its okay, you’ll be fine. I grew up with people knowing little snippets of my life and built an image of me in their perspective without truly knowing the real me. They know certain things about me without learning the truth behind, the real story behind. And what’s sad is that, those people I was talking about are the people I have known to be my friends. (IDK if Im making sense right now, it’s currently 12:51 AM and im kinda sleepy typing this so I might have to edit this).

Despite troubles in the past, I have this urge within me to share my story. Not to influence others with my wrongdoings but to inspire, I guess? To let someone out there know that they are not alone. We might have different stories to tell but if you’re like me that finds it hard to cope up with life then I’m glad to tell you that you’re not alone in this dark world. Long story short, Im a problematic person who overshares every tiny details of her life to people who dont give a fuck about me and is now regretting that she did cus it turned out that they werent real to me but despite all those things she still wants to tell the world the life she lived just because she wants to be remembered for who she is. And that’s why I created this page.

Also, there are things that I wanted to remember as long as I live but my brain’s not doing its job anymore so Im placing it somewhere it can be preserved for a lifetime.

Few things to know about me is first, I’m not straight. I’ve tried to be but being fit to the social norm isnt really for me. So if you’re a homophobe, please leave this safe space 1of mine. Second, I’m closeted so, whatever written/posted here arent guaranteed to be known by all in my world. Let’s just say that people around me are mostly homophobe, including my family. So, if it so happens that you know me in the real world, do me a favor and never speak of this to anyone. Thank you! :) Third, I have a very disturbing and messy past. So, I figured that one of the reasons I made this page is for me to unfold mysteries of my life and somehow accept what it is or maybe overcome things that have been troubling me. Seriously, IDK.

[crisishauntline]

I’m so fucking sad. I really wanted to see her. I’m still sort of and entirely glad I did, and sort of and entirely like my heart tore its way out of my body and now I’m wearing it like a fucking albatross.

We talked for an hour or so, just catching up, before we got to the Big Talk. She was so painfully beautiful. Her long hair swept over her shoulder, her eye makeup as sharp-winged and luminous as always—I think her eyeshadow was a dark pink. I wish I could remember more precisely, or that I'd taken a picture somehow. Of course, taking a picture of her would have been weird as fuck in these circumstances.

I asked her as many things as I could think of, about family and work and friends and hobbies. I asked about her dancing, about all the space news from the past 6 months that I've wanted to get her take on, about how she's sleeping. She had fascinating answers. Her grandma has pancreatitis but otherwise her family/home life is ok. She told me that she's trying to move out next year, which made me hopeful for her. Her hours were cut significantly at the planetarium, so she's going to start working with her old teacher/boss again at the school in January as a part-time physics tutor. She's exercising and dancing a lot, especially this one style that's newer to her, Guerrero. She learned a danced where you balance a lit candle on your head. She's also been getting into photography lately, and has lots of ideas for paintings. I really wish I could see any and all of it.

She didn’t ask me a question until I prompted her. “Is there anything you want to know about me?”

“Everything,” she replied, and I believe she meant it. But I still felt that familiar twinge of disappointment and frustration. I don’t know where to start with a question like that—it’s honestly still not even a question.

She wishes I had allowed her to carry more of my struggles when we were together, and I acknowledge I could have communicated them better. But it’s hard for me to do that without being asked. I have overshared and regretted it too many times. And I just wish there was a way for me to know that she’s not just supportive and in love with me but also genuinely and specifically curious about me. I don’t want a sympathetic bystander, I don’t want a witness, I don’t even really want an admirer—I want an active partner who wants to learn with and from me, in the same way I want to with them. I also think I need to know I am interesting to someone in order to feel loved by them. Probably related to my larger need to be remarkable or “special” in some way in order to be worthy of all the love and resources I have received, and therefore be someone who deserves to live. And because curiosity is one of my strongest ideals, being “special” means being worthy of curiosity.

If I have been vulnerable and truly myself with someone, it hurts when they don’t have at least a few follow-up questions about an interest, a memory, an idea, or an area of expertise I’ve shared. I either don’t feel seen, or, if im in a more depressed headspace, I feel like there must not be anything to see in me.

After I prompted her (though I didn't say anything in the previous two paragraphs), she asked me all the questions I’d asked her, about the well-being of family members and pets, about work, about holiday plans and hobbies. I told her I'm getting a pedal harp soon. And then when the waiter started taking the chairs inside to close the restaurant, she asked where I thought we were going, or what I hoped we could be.

I told her that mentally speaking, I am a couple steps up from the bottom of a bottomless well. I didn’t get deep into the specifics of my self-harm or SI but told her I’d had suicidal thoughts as recently as last week, and I don’t think that’s a good place to be when entering any relationship, let alone reentering this one. But I miss her so very much, I told her, so I hope we can be friends.

She said she couldn’t just be friends with me, unless there was some understanding we were moving towards dating down the line. She offered in a couple different ways that we could "hang out/make out and not call it anything," but that she couldn't do that if there was no chance of getting back together. I said I understand, and acknowledged that I do see a chance for us to get back together—that I in fact have a desire for that too, and that I still love her and want her in that way—but that I couldn’t see a fair way to hold space for that expectation given how much I doubt that I will ever grow or learn how to love or know what I want or be the person she deserves to have as a partner.

At one point she asked me, playfully serious, “What do you want, woman?”

“I want to be a different person,” I said.

We each talked about why we feel how we feel, and I think we both understand well enough at this point. Not much has changed since we talked in August. We’ve both been working hard to strengthen ourselves and our friendships, but it seems to be paying off only for her. Neither of us wants to be apart or knows how the fuck to stay in each other’s lives.

That’s essentially how we left it, with the vague agreement to check in after the holidays. When I got home an hour later I sent her the song “Little Wind” by Haley Hendrickx, which kept coming to mind. She called me and we talked for another hour. She wants to be part of me becoming/being ok, and feels like she’s grown in ways that she could share with me. And she quoted this Joanna Newsom lyric, “Time is taller than space is wide.” There was a whole explanation she gave along with it, but now I remember nothing. Fuck.

Anyway, I floated the idea of doing couples counseling if we decide to give it a go in the future, and she thought that was a great idea. I also asked if we were to start hanging out and "not call it anything," would that mean she would stop trying to find someone better? Because I don't want her to stop trying.

It's also not just about her finding someone better. I also still wonder if there is someone better (suited) for me out there too. If I am meant to be with anyone—and maybe I'm just not—what if I can only really handle being with someone who isn't also mentally ill? Maybe this love I have with L, no matter how true or powerful, simply isn't big enough to hold us both.

Whatever happens to me, she knows I love and believe in her always. She knows I will always be with her in one way or another. I wish I could have said it in my own words, but I didn't want to worry her. She'll hear it in the song at least. If not now, then certainly after I'm gone.

I might go to town and drink myself away Find a singing bird and try to step inside her cage I might go to waste, and I might be a coward Little wind, I’m with you in the roadside flowers I wish that I had stayed in that river house with you Pulled away the weeds and let wild roses bloom But all the hanging plums one day will go sour Little wind, I’m with you in the roadside flowers

[klug]

the meme in your pinned is 10x funnier now that i actually know who that is FLSDHKGHLK

I'M REALLY GLAD because i made it my personality for like the first 4 months that I was getting into enst.

[madewithspice]

hihi ! may i request a matchup if requests are still open?

i'm an 18yo female, straight, asian with long black hair, bangs, black eyes and fair-ish skin! i'm 5ft4-ish and im mostly an ENTP, sometimes an ENFP. i'm a gemini sun, leo moon, pisces rising! i think i'm rather friendly, cheerful, funny (jokes tend to get dark or 'that's what she said' sometimes but oh well) and quite flirty! i'm a theatre kid and i like watching movies (and analysing them), baking and singing+playing my guitar! i like the colours pink (certain shades), orange and yellow bc they remind me of sunsets/sunrises! but i also like sage green !! i also love some good naps 🥰

i dislike the noise of styrofoam, swimming in an open ocean nowhere near the shore at night (even though i cannot imagine anyone who will enjoy that?), too cold/hot weather hhh (am WEAK) and oversharing upon meeting others for the first time :( (am i being ironic rn HAHAH)

i like tall-ish guys who are secure about themselves (not in CONSTANT need of pick-me-ups and validation) and can make me laugh (and vice versa!) and def def into guys who are smooth-ish sometimes (**SOMETIMES) (v random but my ideal type is baekhyun from exo and mark lee from nct) i love travelling tgt and going for fun little things like pottery and camping (plus watching the sunset on the mountain and stargazing afterwards)! but domestic dates in the house with cuddling (+it's raining outside!!!) wld be so cute too

thank u!! happy writing and wishing a smooth recovery to markie ❤️🤙

Heyyy. Thank you for your wishes:) you're so sweet

Your Haikyuu match will Tanaka!

Tanaka is the perfect match for you since his humour tends to include everything. Your trope definitely screams best friends to lovers since there's a mutual comfort from both sides

You two met while you were having your holidays at a camping facility. That goofball wasn't the most suitable person when it comes to nature but he tried to play it cool by showing off how he can handle the tent. At the end you had to help him or else he'd end up sleeping on the bare ground. From that day you became inseparable

For your anniversaries you have a picnic at the place you met watching the sunset and then the stars cuddling on the blanket you laid on the ground. You always bring up embarrassing moments from the past so you end up tearing up from laughter with him

Hope you liked it

-Markie

[fairly-pink]

Hi ms ally id like to request an mha matchup if thats okay?(also i hope i got your probouns right and im sorry if i didnt😰😰)

Im not sure if i sent an ask beforehand this,my interest was shit so im not sure if it went through,if it did please feel free to delete this ask!

My name’ s jaya and I’d like to request a matchup? From both bnha and aot, but either one is fine if its a trouble.

My name is Jaya im 17 years old and im of average height with black hair that goes just a teeny bit below my shoulder and dark eyes. im also a little round/ chubby and my pronouns are she/ her, and im questioning but leaning more towards bisexuality.

Personality- wise, im an ENFP- T and id say im an ambivert. i mostly try to match the energy of the person im with and i always try( empasis on the try) to understand other people’s points of view. my friends say im quite morbid and funny and that im easy talk to. i also like self deprecating because my, perhaps very flawed, logic is that if i put myself down no one else can!

And i also dont mind making myself the butt of the joke. also if theres and issue or problem i like to talk it through and i also sometimes try to solve other peoples problems. i can also be nosy at times but not too much. and sometimes if i see someone sad i try to make them feel better or at lest want to.

Likes:- i like reading, writing, listening to music and sometimes drawing. i also like spending time alonte in my room and talking to myself. i like lots of fandoms and also I really like tumblr and my tumblr and irl friends. i enjoy little easter eggs in my day to day life, like trying something new because one of my favorite fictional characters liked it and so on. i also like closet cosplaying! also i like bubble tea and sleeping. and also staying up until the wee hours of the morning

Dislikes:- i dont like people who are fake and people who make me angry and i dont like it when people try to push their beliefs and ideologies onto me. i hate it when people say that lgbtqi people don’t deserve rights and i hate it when people use religion to justify shitty things they do. i also hate it when my boundaries are ignored and pushed past.

Good qualities:- i think im open minded, and i dont like to discriminate people. i tend to defend people i care about, be it fictional or irl, and id like to think im understanding.

Bad qualities:- im rude sometimes and i cuss wayy too much. i get attached to people really fast and im very insecure and always questioning if people are genuine. i also ask lots of annoying questions and ( for instance ) if, let’ s say, someone were to compliment me id ask them why they say that and what led them to think that about me. im sometimes selfish and im stubborn. i can also be blatantly disobedient sometimes. im also not good at hiding my emotions.

Id also say im too emotional. and i can get jelous and i also tend to hold grudges but not always.

I hope this is enough information and i hope i didnt overshare.

Thank you and if you dont wanna please feel free to delete my ask!

Congratulations and Thank You once again and i hope you have a lovely day/ evening/ afternoon/ night/ time!

I’m sorry this took so long for me to do 😭😭❣️

I Match You With…

Denki Kaminari

Bring you bubble tea whenever you guys hang out

fake proposes to you every time you guys go on a date just to see your reaction (he does it in the most dramatic way possible)

goes & sees you just so he can take a nap with you

likes to binge watch your guys favorite show wirh you

likes to hold ur hand in public & will give it little squeezes just so you will look at him

Connie Springer

Will let you rant to him about anything & even if he doesn’t understand it he will try his best to make you feel better

will do anything to make you forgive him if he does something to make you mad because he HATESSS seeing you upset especially at him

Sasha loves you & will steal you away from him so you two can hang out

Loves answering any question you may ask him

is very protective of you but it’s only because he cares about you so much

[ryder-s-block]

Jaig Eyes (Ch 82)

Jaig Eyes (82/?)

Summary:

Kida, a former slave who now thrives as a bounty hunter, finds herself sucked into the war she advised Jango Fett against. Now that she’s involved, she has to finally mourn the loss of Jango, seeing his face in the clones that man the GAR. What happens when she allows herself to get attached to one, not for his resemblance to her former mentor, but for his heart?

-------------------------

Chapter Eighty-Two: The Workshop

I took a long, shaky drink when I finished my story, my hand trembling visibly. Rex saw it, but was silent. He was thinking, his eyes on me, but distant at the same time. He stared at me for a long moment longer, my fingers digging at the sides of my glass. 

Finally, the captain’s golden gaze refocused on me and he shrugged. “Wer’cuy,” he said with a shake of his head.

“I can’t forget it, Rex. Any of it. The warden. The things he did.” I looked away, tears brimming in my eyes. Damned alcohol. “The things I did,” I added in a sad whisper before looking back at the soldier, speaking louder now. “Any of it.”

His gaze softened, his skin wrinkling as he grinned, the lines made darker by the stubble of hair appearing on his jaw. “I’m not asking you to,” Rex assured me gently. “I’m asking you not to think I’d be angry knowing those things.” He stepped closer, his hand brushing my cheek softly. “You didn’t deserve any of this, Kida. None of what happened to you or your friends was your fault.” He brushed the tear from below my eye before leaning back and taking a drink. He shrugged at me with a small smirk. “Arguss got what he deserved. I knew what I was doing when I left him to your mercy.”

My brow lifted. I’d known Rex had a darker side, but I hadn’t realized he would be so accepting of the things I’d done. Accepting of the fact that my past had caused a darkness in me so deep, that when I fell in, it was hard to get out.

“I’m sorry I called you ‘people.’ “ I sighed slowly. “It was wrong of me to group you into the other people in my life.” 

Rex nodded with a gentle smile. “And I’m sorry if I overshared with my brothers. I need to talk to someone though. I know you must talk to someone.”

I thought for a moment about how I internalized basically everything. But then I also thought about my growing friendship with Padme. Ahsoka even seemed to have more knowledge than she let on. Even Fives was like a brother to me. Maybe I wouldn’t talk about my relationship with his captain with him….but maybe Rex should.

“You’re right. You should have an outlet. But could you keep our problems between you and maybe….one? Two, maybe?”

Rex smirked at me but nodded. “I suppose it’s already a risk that the boys know about us.”

“How many of them do?” I asked, brow raised.

TO CONTINUE CAUSE IM LAZY

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13221379/82/Jaig-Eyes

[butterflyeffectiveless]

personal, oversharing, list of different fandom concepts I had in mind but that have been cancelled or never realized. I mainly write this for myself to sort out ideas

Svtfoe: an AU where Toffee took care of Star instead of Moon, and Moon was in the hiding.. dont really remember much. Also remember that in the end it was planned for Star to change course of universe to get back her chidlhood and family, but by doing so she erased her current universe.

reasons for cancelling: I assume it just ended abruptly because I got busy with other things and then deleted my blog. why cant bring the idea back: mentally not the same as I was back when I worked on that AU, and probably, maybe also because I cant remember a lot of stuff and my priorities changed. Also I dont really like that AU because im no longer can portray Toffee as nice and I feel it was too flawed as a story

Friday Night Funkin:

An AU idea where Senpai was Girlfriend’s comfort character when she was a child. And that Senpai was different from the OG unirvse version: he felt geniune connection to Girlfriend and was loyal to her and was emotionally attached to her (platonically). There was no story, it was a standalone concept for which I wanted to draw fanart. I guess the origin idea was that Gf’s parents could do magic things since they were demons, and by using their demonic powers they created a sentient entity within a videogame that was supposed to be dark and demonic like them but Senpai didnt do anything demonic he just warmed up to girlfriend and felt the emotional attachment growing because Gf spent many nights playing that same date simulator to comfort herself. Girlfriend never knew that Senpai was sentient.

reasons for cancelling: I dont know, I various things. including me feeling this idea feels hypocritic of me to make.

why cant bring the idea back: guilt- but part of me considers to make a drawing with Senpai from this au

an AU idea where Boyfriend is an edgy rock enthusiast and Girldfriend is a jpop singer. Rock people look down on anime and jpop lovers and call them cringy etc., and jpop lovers call rockers edgy and mean and its a very wide popular stereotype from both sides, which caused a lot of antagonization of each party. Despite this all Boyfriend and Girlfriend never hated each other; they fell in love and geniunely liked each other. The idea was meant to represent my experience with 2000s trends and the whole ‘cringe culture’, where everyone scoffed at those who liked cute and anime things. And also the idea that not all 2000 rock likers and edgy people are mean to jpop likers and that even while being edgy one can geniunely respect and love someone with interests that are stereotyped as “hated” by the group of people you belong to. Also part of me wanted to pay respects to the ones I used to know who loved jpop and anime idol things and who were bullied for it.

examples of drawings:

reasons for cancelling:  I don’t know. why cant bring the idea back: anything related to love is hard for me now. But am thinking that I will sometimes sketch smth from this au

SvtFOE:

A story idea dedicated to ludoffee ship. Basically an AU where Toffee was brought back to life after the events of canon and Ludo and Toffee somehow make up after everything. The ship was supposed to be more like a constructive development of the two instead of romanticising toxicity. There were meant to be ups and downs from both sides, aka Ludo still struggling to trust Toffee, Toffee still acting uncaring, Ludo still trying to get a wand and spiralling back into his abusive self. In all honesty I planned to make it as follows: First Toffee goes through character development and has to deal with his past actions, but around the times when Toffee settles down and starts to change his view on things, Ludo starts to act up and do wrong things and then it becomes more about Ludo needing to tackle his inner demons to make things better for the two of them. I even wrote a rough script in a separate document for some situations. Toffee was meant to star doubting himself and feeling like he starts lying again but not being sure about it. As Toffee starts to geniunely like Ludo, Toffee gets more sad because he starts to realize that he is the only one who sees Ludo as someone great whereas the rest of the world laughs at him, and that was supposed to upset Toffee and bug him a lot, mixed with load of guilt for having been the same way as those who look down on Ludo. 

In one of my drafts, Toffee was going to leave the castle for a bit, to go out and think over whats going on in his head, but when he tried to inform Ludo about, Ludo wasnt listening well and that led to a huge nasty misunderstanding, and the fact that Toffee was planning to travel at the time when a fight happened, made the misunderstanding worse: Ludo thought that Toffee hated him and was going to leave for good. But in reality Toffee was just going to clear his mind and not because of Ludo. And in one scene where Toffee was sitting in a train and looking out of the window he was thinking about what if he was lying about his feelings. Somewhere at the end he decided to retire and get some of his belongings in his old septarian camp-like place, and at the time Ludo was rushing in to get Toffee back and thought that Toffee is going to be a general again and is going to go into war, and they stumble upon each other. It was supposed to be a humorous part but i still havent figured out how to portray it in a funny way besides Ludo screaming something like “Im sorry ! Please dont go back to military!” and Toffee standing confused with bags in his hands and saying “What do you mean? I am retiring.” There were more sketches aka 

Toffee: Thats odd. We are still losing to the princess even though I geniunely try to help you this time.

Ludo: /gloomily/ Plot armor.

examples of drawings:

reasons for cancelling:  that is very hard to implement and draw.. ngl drawing is hard. also school and other stuff why cant bring the idea back: i suppose bc i its kind of hard to come back to love and relationships anymore.

[avirams]

idk if ur still doin kin assignments but can u do me?? my kins r makoto, nekomaru, gundham, rantaro, korekiyo and monomi uwu!!

i am nonnie! sorry for the wait btw ive been kinda mia ahah

youre an ambivert, i think. like while youre very social and enjoy other peoples company, you do get tired. youre just good at hiding it which can lead to you feeling drained after social events.

i think youre like,, somewhat approachable? like i believe you give off rather unapproachable vibes at certain settings but youre kinda easy to talk to. you can be p intimidating even though youre super nice.

i feel like youre really, really kind yeah, you just enjoy giving off a mysterious vibe? with that in mind, while you act like you have these deep dark secrets you do have a tendency to accidentally overshare. 

off topic but youre probably like,,,really divided between being cutesy and creepy??? like you enjoy both aesthetics so you probably switch a bunch idk just a thought haha

youre like,,, super duper supportive though. people often overlook and cast you aside but underneath your slightly intimidating exterior youre very kind!! youve got a lot of empathy and for the lucky people who get past your barriers, youve honestly got the best advice ever :))

youre a surprisingly good leader too, i feel like. youre good at inspiring and bringing others up. however, you often cast aside this option as youre actually pretty independent, i think. 

im here to remind you that youre awesome too, and its alr to ask for help! trusting people may be hard but not everyones out to try and hurt you. you may be the therapist friend but you should try and talk about your own thoughts too, alr? dont let others keep on telling you what to do.

hope this was accurate- thanks sm for the rq nonnie!! >:)

{gundham shift}