#and in particular how that factors into abuse and trauma and reactions to trauma

[golvio]

This video about the set design for Phantom of the Opera has me thinking about design engineering, and how it contrasts with regular engineering, and how that demonstrates the contrast in design philosophies between the Sheikah/Princess Zelda and Ganondorf himself.

The Sheikah design philosophy revolves around their spiritual idea that destiny governs everything, that everything was created with a purpose. To that end, the things they designed tended to be very pragmatic and illustrative. The Shrines themselves were designed with this ethos, each building being built for a specific purpose first and foremost. The decorations of their buildings were mostly focused on reproducing the world and cosmos in microcosm, not as something that distracts from the building’s intended purpose, but in order to explain to viewers in the know how this particular structure fits into Hylia’s Grand Design. Zelda herself is very pragmatically minded, attempting to reverse-engineer this ancient technology, or at least understand how it works well enough to reproduce it. She can be a very passionate, emotional person, but she’s not so hung up on aesthetics or trying to figure out “what it all means,” just “how does this work?” No frills, no artifice, just straightforward and to the point.

Contrast that with Ganon. After hearing a bunch of theorists describe Calamity Ganon as something akin to Puppet Ganon from Wind Waker, it clicked into place for me. Ganon is a set design engineer, rather than just a guy working in a workshop to build machines like the Royal Research Lab. His creations weren’t just built to fulfill a purpose, but to communicate something. The purpose his creations serve, while important, is secondary to that desire to communicate a concept, to produce a specific effect in his audience, even if the only thing he wanted to communicate was his contempt for Hyrule and its people.

“The Calamity” is a coup de theatre: this great big spectacle designed to produce a specific impression in the people of Hyrule. In this case, the desired impression was mass panic. Ganon purposefully obfuscated his methods in order to give the impression that “Calamity Ganon” was this vast, incomprehensible force of nature that could not be predicted or countered. Once you start seeing what he’s working with, as you start making connections between the Malice and whatever that ectoplasmic substance the Ultrahand is working with actually is, the actual mechanisms he used turn out to be relatively simple. He just relies on optical illusions and hiding his tricks in order to make things seem more vast and terrifying than they actually are, like how Bjornson used foreshortening to make the chandelier look like this perfect reproduction of the Garnier opera house’s chandelier when it was actually just a flat oval that could fit in the tiny theater and wasn’t as much of a pain for the stagehands to transport, raise, and lower as a perfect 1:1 scale reproduction would’ve been.

And then with Ganon’s takeover of the Guardian tech, he injects this design philosophy into the stuff he’s working with. A lot of what makes the Possessed Guardians so scary is the musical/sound cues associated with them, as well as their body language that suggests a cold, driven, purposeful hostility. Without that, they’re just big goofy buckets with legs. Just compare the Guardian you see in the castle flashback that’s unaccompanied by the iconic, anxiety inducing heartbeat of the “Guardian” music, being gently prodded along in a certain direction by soldiers with the Guardians you’d see patrolling Central Hyrule 100 years later. Ganon doesn’t just want an ambulatory robot that shoots lasers. He wants his war machines to intimidate, to terrify, to make their targets so scared that they freeze in fear (and coincidentally become much easier to hit). The Blights, too, were designed with this aesthetic of fear in mind. They’re also designed to suggest Ganon’s present, even if the artist himself is technically absent.

The desired effect is to establish the omnipresence and frightfulness of Ganon himself, to terrorize his targets, and to communicate his general contempt. He is concerned with the aesthetics of power, as opposed to just having impressive weapon specs. The Guardians by themselves are already potentially dangerous and destructive, as all weapons of war are, but Ganon needs to take it further, injecting his personality into each one he touches to turn them into a tool of communicating his will in addition to just weapons he tries to use to destroy Link/Zelda.

In summary, their general philosophies are like this:

The Sheikah: This is the world, this is how it works. Everything was made to serve a purpose, and this building, too, has a purpose. It was built to fit into this grand cosmic design we depict on its walls.

Ganondorf: I Want These Cretins To Pee Themselves In Terror When They Gaze Upon My Works. Let Them Hate Me, So Long As They Fear Me.

[granulesofsand]

Cyclical Systems

This will mention RAMCOA, trauma, and trauma responses. All are fairly light and have no explicit details.

Traumaversaries

The traumaversary effect is possible in any kind of system— a trigger stemming from years of reoccurring trauma on a particular date or other predetermined cycle (moon phases, spring break, holidays).

While RAMCOA isn’t the only cause of anniversary reactions, survivors of this type of abuse frequently discover them internally.

The first layer is derived from PTSD, and applies to singlets as well as systems. These periods are marked by emotional and sometimes physical discomfort, flashbacks in several forms, and heightened trauma responses during the given frame.

The second is how this interacts with CDDs. Alters split during the trigger time may be more active at front and in the system at large, as well as alters who formed afterwards for the same purpose. Groups become more visible as their event nears and passes, which can present as full cyclical rotations.

Rotational Groups

Alter groups also sometimes occupy their own space in the internal world, and often have lower amnesia barriers between each other than the rest of the system. Lower amnesia doesn’t necessarily mean low amnesia, but particularly high barriers elsewhere can make minimal communication better than normal.

Some systems have internal structures that create the rotations, often visualized as compartments or a wheel. Others have hidden crannies where groups are kept separate. This is particularly true of RAMCOA systems who have high degrees of enforced complexity and whose abusers have reason to maintain secrecy.

Other regular shifts can be seasonal (for trauma or comfort or something else entirely), social (responsibilities and relational roles), daily (morning prep, work/school, evening relaxation, bedtime), etc.

Polyfrag systems or those with high headcounts tend to fall into these rotations more easily, but any level of dissociation or number of alters can have them. Off-cycle system mates may fade into the background or go temporarily dormant. All of that is fine and normal unless the system desires change.

Possible Changes

Breaking rotations is different depending on the cycle and reasons it exists at all. Trauma has to be worked through if present. Deprogramming may need to take place if externally placed. Some systems can just agree to move their schedules around and be done with it.

Electing or contacting a leader/representative is a good first step. The process to getting there takes care of technicalities like communication within and outside the group. Improving living conditions if there are issues, prioritizing safety and security over results.

Making cyclical groups healthy is another process. Again, deprogramming if MC is a factor. Always trauma work. The distinction is that they are groups, and have to work as their own system before they are expected to flow with other system members.

Adjustments can be made to make shifts more flexible and incorporate more/different alters to help. This is another step which may not be needed for the system, but can help loosen routines and help the end goal of having everyone well and working together.

Both goals have similar components, and the methods are more alike than not. The individualization is what makes them unique. It’s a process, and it might take a long time to work out.

Basically, trauma sucks and your system might be moving on purpose. Decide if you have these grouping and make changes accordingly.

[pynkhues]

Thank you for answering my Magnus question. That does make sense that the show will go there and yeah, I'm curious how they handle it too. I'd forgotten that it all happens on a bed in the book--that the metaphor, if it's even a metaphor, is that clear, and it makes sense that the show wouldn't shy away from that (I don't know how far they'll go or what they'll show, but I do think they'll make it clear that there's a sexual element). I'd forgotten the extent of the parallels with Claudia too -- that is fascinating and so sad. I wonder too if, from Lestat's perspective, ANY of his reaction to Claudia in that area is going to look different -- like from his perspective, instead of being purely callous, is it going to be concern that comes out wrong, or an attempt to "toughen" her because he thinks it's necessary? I wonder.

(x)

You're welcome, anon! It's definitely a complicated thing to explore, and y'know, probably something for people to prepare for in whatever form the show chooses to depict it in. I can't imagine they'll be especially graphic, given they haven't been, but I also can't imagine it'll be something they can easily shy away from either given Lestat's actual turning takes place during what is largely alluded to as rape, and the dialogue of that scene is so important they had Lestat literally quoting it in Magnus' tower in 2.08.

I think a lot of how they do it too will depend on whether or not they're still leaning into the interview format with s3? I'm inclined to think they will be, given that's the name they chose and stuck with, but what that actually looks like is anyone's guess at this stage.

With Claudia and Lestat too - - yeah, it is sad. I don't know what the show is intending to do, of course, but their dynamic kind of reminds me of a few recent studies around the conecpt of a perfect victim, and how survivors of violence, including and especially rape, can sometimes (and sometimes often) not believe each other, or diminish what happened to each other. It's such a destructive act, and there's this sense of like - - it happened to me because of x, and how could it have happened to this other person when x wasn't a factor for them?

Claudia and Lestat's assaults are so different, yet have so much crossover too - they both happened after they left the quote-unquote "safety" of a family home, they both happened when they sought to explore and experience a larger world, but Lestat was stolen from a hotel room, and Claudia briefly trusted a man who would steal her, and I think there's that element there between them, particularly given their relationship as we know it in canon, where they point the finger at each other as imperfect victims. Lestat could - wrongly! and I'm sure patronisingly! - accuse her of naivety and stupidity because of course that is something that could happen to her and didn't he teach her better, maliigning her as his daughter, just as she could - wrongly! and I'm sure also patronisingly! - accuse him of lying (which she does say explicitly to Louis!) because she only knows a version of him that is an abusive and controlling father who she refuses to share a real experience with, and ergo refuses to see as a person in his own right.

Like! It's tragic! But I also think it's tragically real, and I think there's some really interesting themes to explore there, especially with Louis as a satellite to this particular sort of trauma because while he's a man with many wounds, this is something outside of his experience.

[glassknee]

Hmm do not get the hate towards people who enjoy fanon Alec when fanon Alec can pretty easily be understood as a version of Alec who reacts to trauma in a more typical straightforward way (the trauma itself is also often made straightforward) as a frustrated reaction to the way canon Alec’s trauma is consistently unaddressed and undermined or framed so he’s the perpetrator in the text and also as a result in the fandom. Like yes that is part of what adds a lot of nuance to canon Alec’s particular brand of trauma and therefor fanon Alec tends to be less nuanced in that particular regard but it is an understandable response to and interpretation of the character and treating it as some kind of moral failing is. Weird.

In terms of sexualizing the character, I think most people read worm when they were the same age as or a bit younger than the characters and I think that’s honestly the defining factor in how someone sees a character long term. Sometimes it shifts sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes they re read and have a new interpretation of the character but it overlays the first one. I do agree that if people were sexualizing the abuse he suffered as a kid that would be really not good but I’ve not seen anyone do that, just seen people portraying a hypersexual (more commonly just perceived as hypersexual) trauma response which is more straightforward and less nuanced than Alec’s actual canon trauma responses but not any sort of horrible bad take. I personally prefer canon Alec but appreciate and enjoy fanon Alec

[tenebrisdivina]

Spirit based Trauma

Warning; This is a mature, sensitive and heavy topic with discussions of abuse, trauma and may be triggering for some people. Disclaimer: I am not a medical practitioner. What I talk about is from my own experience of dealing with this (a lot of researching, learning and healing) and what has helped me along the way. King Paimon has suggested I speak on this, so here goes.

The spiritual trauma I am talking about here is not what it usually is associated with ( Trauma created by humans in spirituality) - I am talking about abuse  and consequent trauma from spirits themselves and how this affects the energy body and physical aspects of an individual- that I have noted.

Background: (Trigger warning)

As a brief background and I am not comfortable sharing more than this. While I have had a few experiences with this kind of trauma throughout my life one of the most prevalent and recent is this; One of the Demonic Divine- Lord S, a few months after becoming His spouse, Lord S gave me away to an “unknown” eldritch being who tortured and abused me (I am speaking of actual torture here) for 4 months straight. I came back from this event with basically C-PTSD (which I had never experienced before then). Since then, I have been on a journey of healing from this.

After this event given the confusion and trauma of this happening, I reached out to long-term, mature, well versed and grounded, experienced practitioners who worked with similar beings (and were not connected to or “involved” with me during the 4 months) in a hope to gain clarity and a more unbiased and distanced view on this event. All of whom confirmed that this event and its particulars did actually happen and I was (rather obviously) traumatized from the abuse etc. I am mentioning this here as I am aware that this can sound like spiritual psychosis, or something imaginary or “made-up”. But this was not the case- this event and its particulars did actually happen. And I will get into a little more detail about discernment later on.

Lastly as for Lord S and reasoning, why I am still with Him etc- there were various factors at play here and it is complex, however it is an informed choice I have made, and I am content with this. This type of area is Lord S’s domain and it is what He and His people are like and deal with regularly- it is what their civilisation is like and it is why I do not talk about this here and would never recommend anyone to try connecting with Lord S. I was aware of this- (it must be said though in a more innocent and foolhardy manner) when I first connected to Him. I have made a free and informed choice to continue this relationship which tbh is now much better than it was previously. This; however, was also due to the work I put in to understanding, coming to terms with and making my peace with all of this and with Him. (So please, if anyone is of the mind- do not try to convince me otherwise or that this is wrong or bad- you may have your opinions, but you are not me nor have you walked where I have).

What is Spirit Based Trauma

However enough of the background, the focus of this topic is not about abuse itself but spirit based trauma and healing from it. This is a complex topic as well. It should go without saying that if you are experiencing trauma (of any kind) then seeing a good qualified trauma therapist is the most beneficial way to work towards healing from this. I am as stated above speaking from my experience, discoveries and knowledge of this topic and what I have discussed with a few others.

I have come across the suggestion in some spaces that spiritual trauma is not as “bad” as more physical traumas. As though it is somehow less “valid.” But having trauma is not a competition of “who has it worse.”  Trauma should not really be compared anyway since everyone experiences it differently and has different reactions to things. Suffice to say though actual spirit based trauma is as “real” and “valid” as more “physical” traumas. While it may not have the affects of say physical abuse- it is often more akin to psychological and/or emotional abuse reactions. It is not exactly the same though.

There are a few schools of thought in regard to treating trauma effectively. (This is not a scientific essay though- so if interested I would suggest researching this more thoroughly). The basic explanation of trauma is that it is an uncompleted loop (usually survival response- linked to the autonomic nervous system) that lives in the body. And the basic idea - especially in some schools of thought- is to (if possible) work towards allowing the survival response to complete itself in the body. Thereby resolving the loop and freeing up the “frozen tension” of trauma. Of course, there is also a lot more to be done in relation to this and trauma therapy is quite complex. It can eventually involve inner child work, shadow work etc. since a lot of areas are linked. It may also depend upon the type of trauma as well, how the individual reacts and their needs etc.

Personally, with spirit based trauma and its effects- I tend to take a blend of a shamanic and TCM view coupled with more neurological explanations on how it effects the human body. Since the body is also energetic; disease, “attacks” or in this case; abuse on a spiritual level ( I don’t just mean like violence, I also mean psychological or emotional abuse as well) can make its way through the energy bodies down to resting in the physical body due to meridians, qi etc and the “physical” body also being energetic and how all these interact. (This is quite a bit more complex then this brief summary). On a more neurological level- since the human brain in many ways; is unable to distinguish “real” from “imaginary” ( imaginary being more associated with spirit senses in this case), it is likely that the brain interprets this as really happening ( which it is, just not in the way the more physical aspects of the brain and neuropathy often connect with) and so the body has the same response- since it is a traumatic event. If the survival reaction is not allowed to complete- for whatever reason, then trauma becomes locked in the body. There is also the whole connection of the astral body to the brain etc- again it’s much more complex than what this summary suggests.

In spirit based abuse; trauma patterns do reside in the physical form. Alongside this though there is also often more damage (then in more purely earthen/physical non-spiritual traumas) to the energetic bodies and sometimes the trauma patterns also reside in the energy spirit body.

Healing

I have found that if one has spirit based trauma- then it is important to both consider the physical (usual trauma therapies) and energetic (energy body) healing as well. Trauma therapies that are commonly used in psychology etc are very relevant and beneficial for also dealing with this type of trauma, since it does affect the physical body too. Especially therapies that focus on bodily movement and embodiment. Often in spiritual trauma the energy damage can also be quite “ungrounded” since it happened on a non-physical level, it is even more beneficial for healing to allow the energy to move through and out on a physical level. All therapies and treatments are also multifaceted as well – including more mental and emotional work as well as physical ( and in this case energetic) aspects.

With this next part; I am not advising anything here (or that anyone try anything)- apart from seeing a trained therapist. Also everyone’s trauma and needs are different, what worked in my situation may not be what is best for other people. This is just what has been helpful for me in dealing with my trauma. Personally I found embodied movement (creating a safe space for oneself to allow oneself to  fully feel, emote as needed and move freely as your body guides you too), dancing (a practice I have previously used to express emotion) and going into nature alone and screaming- especially in the acute phases (since there were issues with my voice being blocked and unable to express during the event) were particularly helpful to release and move the energy. Eventually EFT tapping, journaling and speaking about the event outloud has also been helpful. Being listened to by an open, non-judgemental and unbiased party especially in regard to spiritual trauma- is quite beneficial. Since I have found it can be an issue about believing that it actually happened. Having someone you trust to listen can be helpful in grounding and recognising this has happened. Eventually I also moved onto, when the event was not so acute- inner child work, shadow work, and returning to the event (very delicately with a lot of framework to be able to do this- since it can retraumatise you). I have also (especially in the acute phases) engaged in energy healing both purely on the spirit side of things and acupuncture- which have both been very helpful. It is a work in progress and slow and the demonic divine have also guided me along the way and opened opportunities to heal as well.

Demonic Divine Healers

In my experience some of the demonic divine who are most helpful for dealing with trauma are as follows.

 Lord Azazel is an excellent healer quite “the all-rounder” in a sense, though He does focus a bit more on chakra/ energy centre healing and parasite removal- He does have good advice about what needs to be done, and who to go to or where. He is also quite tolerant and friendly for beginners.

Lord Leviathan- He is excellent for emotional healing and acceptance and shadow workings as well- though His energy may be a bit heavier, He is quite understanding and calming. He also is associated with Justice (in all forms- which may be different from what humans think of it) very strongly.

President Marbas- specializes in energy healing (among other methods) particularly focused on meridians/nadis, energy centers- more aligned with the physical- energy body- but can work effectively on all of them. He is quite solar aligned.

Lady Verrine- more energy healing- as in the flow of energy centers and she can help with emotional understanding and context as well. She is quite earth aligned and almost green mother.

Emperor Satan- while not specializing in healing per say, He is excellent for Inner child work and acceptance of darkness. He is also helpful for protection and strong sense of justice- though it may differ from what humans think of it as.

Lord Abaddon- is great for inner child work, shadow work and protection- also works in the realm of justice- though it is much harsher. Lord Abaddon’s energy I would not recommend since it is very heavy and dark- so unless you are well healed and /or familiar with His energy before the events took place- He is more advanced and his energy can trigger you. Even though He is understanding- He is quite formal and severe.

Lord Uphir- While Lord Uphir is known as chief surgeon- I honestly would not recommend him unless another spirit you work with has said to go see Him specifically. He gives off a bit “mad scientist energy” His energy itself may trigger you and while He has great understanding of all healing and is exceptional at it- usually He is uninterested or “doesn’t have time for” humans and their issues. His focus is more anatomical and the mind, but He is very cold. He is also quite an advanced Demon Lord to connect with energetically anyway and not for beginners.

Some other demonic divinities who may be helpful also include Lady Unsere- as She is of Life, Lord Lucifer and perhaps Lady Lilith depending on what trauma you have. I am sure there are other demonic divinities who are also excellent for aiding in trauma but I won’t list Them all here. It can also be helpful to call upon those you regularly work with as well.

In terms of other beings- if you choose to connect and have a pantheon- try the healing or more life giving deities in the pantheon.

Spiritual Areas to Address in Healing

Acute Phase Healing

On the more spiritual aspects of healing etc and especially what to do acutely- when the incident/s is still quite fresh- the basic advice; do a thorough cleansing, banishing, cord cutting. Also grounding and shielding is very important. It is up to you after this if you want to get in contact with spiritual beings or practice again or not ( and it can take time to work this out too)- but it is beneficial to take it slowly. If the perpetrator has items like a shrine etc then cleansing ( and most likely banishing) those items thoroughly (will get rid of "nasty" energy and also if it was something masking or pretending to be the being- the items may be affected as well). You may wish to fully dispose of those items, though I would suggest that maybe they are hidden away and out of sight for now. In case for whatever reason, you wish to contact the being again eventually. I would also suggest taking a break from spiritual groups you are part of- as they can lead to more confusion. And you may not feel connected in the same way as you once did- this is normal. Stepping back a bit from spiritual practices may also be helpful and focus more on the mundane life. I would also suggest that the most important thing at this time is to deal with the trauma- however is necessary and best for you. Be gentle, give yourself space and time and express as needed to. Try and find a therapist or at least when you feel ready start researching. Also in the case of it being a spiritual incident; if you are connected to another spirit- not involved in the incident, who you trust fully- maybe eventually connecting to them. It is also important to note that depending on the type of abuse etc your spiritual senses may not be functionally all that well either. In which case, taking a break, grounding and divination can be helpful. But don’t push into this too much.

In terms of discernment and getting to the “truth” of the matter- I wouldn’t push it all at once and especially not in the beginning. In a sense it doesn’t really matter as much as healing does. It may be helpful eventually for you or it may not. But in acute phases dealing with the immediate trauma is more important than searching for the “truth.”

In terms of discernment this is a bit of a tough subject to address- but sometimes and quite often the perpetrator may not be the being you think it is- or your mind/senses are interpreting it as. More often than not it is parasitic or something masking as another being- especially if it is showing up as a god or god-level being. Actual abuse by an actual god, demonic divine being, god-level being - that humans are connected with etc- is quite rare, though not completely unheard of. This is why the cleansing, banishing etc is important too.

That is also why it can be very helpful to go and get divination done- by an outside unbiased party- ideally someone who is practicing (long-term and maybe professionally, maybe a community leader) the same current as you and is familiar with the deities/spirit etc involved. This can be beneficial for getting a more unbiased viewpoint on what has been happening. However I would only do this when you feel ready and safe enough to do this.

It is not a good idea to; go to your social media followers, your friends, someone who does not work with the entities involved etc. Since it can be an echo chamber- which will not help with discerning whether what happened was in imagination, spiritual psychosis or something else, or whether it was actually as you feel it was. Also, I strongly advise especially if you are still in acute phase do not post about on social media. Either you will get the echo chamber effect ( which can lead to retraumatising or wild unhinged beliefs) or you may get devotees who work with the being( if they are well known) attacking you about it. Neither of these are useful for your healing.

What needs to be focused on beyond all of this whether it is “true” or not, is if you have trauma- then deal with the trauma; focus on healing that. In a sense, regardless of what other people say. If you are traumatized by a spirit ( by this I mean actual legitimate trauma not what most people seem to have co-opted the word to mean) then what is most necessary for you at this point in time is to heal from that, regardless of whether it was truly “real” as you feel you experienced it or not.

In terms of the Demonic Divine- Those that humans connect to, do not as a rule maliciously abuse or attack humans. I am aware that this seems to be the standard kind of response- when people talk about “traumatic experiences” especially in regards to gods or demonic divine beings. While this is true for the most part- there are exceptions. And sometimes listening too much to what others say, when you have had a legitimate traumatic experience; such a response of disbelief or that “you are obviously sensing/interpreting it wrongly,” does more harm then good and can in some cases lead to unintentionally gaslighting yourself. There is nothing wrong with looking for or wanting answers for something, especially as impactful as this. That is why I advise be careful who you share it with, because especially if it is acute phase, others comments can potentially affect you more then usual. Since you may be in a traumatized and more sensitive state. It is also why I advise speaking to a trained therapist about this because they know how to handle this, better than people online.

Sometimes however I understand that therapy is not an option- your next best option is research but tread carefully. In terms of length of time I personally don’t like the common though that PTSD stays with you for life, I mean maybe it does but that sounds very defeatist to me. Healing is basically life long though, and depending on the severity of the trauma, you may not be able to “be what you were before it happened.” In my experience some parts may remain and can be found- but some may not. It wasn’t until 4 years after the event (and consistently working on healing for that time) that I even recognized part of myself from before the event, still lived in me. And it may be different for everyone.

Inner Alchemy with Trauma and Pain

Lastly for more spiritual in depth on this as something extra. This is an advanced practice. I do not advise anyone really attempt this (without a lot of training, a lot of determination and certain predilections), but it is an available option. In my personal practice (long before this event happened) I was familiar with inner alchemy and using pain as a form of transformation- I had studied and learnt how to do so- it was among my proclivities. Since dealing with trauma- something that you can choose to do- if you feel to- is alchemise it. Now you may not want to and that is absolutely fine, it is a choice. You can and do heal either way.  However if you choose to alchemise this (which is by the way a lot of work)- it can be very helpful to know the reason as to why this (the abuse and subsequent trauma) happened (especially if it is a god or god-level entity- whether you want to work with Them , that pantheon again or not). In order to get to this stage though- you need to not be in an acute phase of trauma. Do not do this right after whatever the incident is- however much you may be seeking to understand things. Because when you are in an acute phase of trauma- you a likely very emotional, very easily triggered and quite blocked and biased and seeking this will not benefit your understanding and growth. If you do attempt this understanding at this stage; it will most likely retraumatise you, since part of it is looking in depth at what happened and questioning yourself, your shadow etc. If you take on the role of trying to understand why this( the abuse event) happened; then you need to be able to distance from your trauma, from the trigger space and be more even-keeled with your emotions. Because you must go beneath and beyond the trauma and your feelings, thoughts etc. about the event- in order to be open enough to understand from a birds-eye, almost objective, unbiased viewpoint; what happened and why. Otherwise you can end up damaging yourself more and blocking what actually needs to come through. The understanding gained from this, is only the first part of the alchemy; but it is basically seeing what you can get out of what happened- silver lining etc, learning from it. But being willing to have your assumptions and beliefs shattered- which can be very tough especially when you are dealing with trauma and survival responses as well. It is also a long ongoing process and you have to be determined and focused.

The Demonic Divine are not "Safe"

A final note; I mentioned in my darkness posts; but what to reiterate my stance. I do not believe that working with the Demonic Divine or in the darkness is safe. S Connolly seems to have planted the idea that the demonic divine will never lead you astray, hurt you etc. I and my experiences in this beg to differ ( I am also aware that my experiences are not everyones). While for the most part the Dark Lords do not maliciously attack or act on humans, this is not always the case. It is not a safe path, at least not in the way that many people seem to presume it is; as though the practitioner or devotee etc is in control of or in charge of  what is going on and everything is sparkly and wonderful in that you will never be hurt, or faced with hardship. Pretty much everyone- even advanced practitioners (because of the nature of darkness) is essentially wandering around in the dark, bumping into things and not having much idea of anything beyond their own experience. We are all still learning and discovering new things, and very often its not even in the same “arena”. This makes this path and working with the demonic divine (Who live, breathe and are darkness, and so are aware of so much more than us) very much delving into the unknown. And the unknown is not a “safe” place to be. It is also why I do not suggest people who have never worked with spirits before and do not know basic practices- do not start with the demonic divine. They are magnificent beings (with all that entails) but working closely with Them can be quite tough at times.

To conclude, I posted this under guidance and sought to bring more awareness to what this is actually like- in dealing with spirit based trauma. For those that have experience with this- I wish you the best on your healing journey and may you find and have what you need when you need it.

[rejectshumanity]

*deep breath* alright gang! let’s talk about dio’s childhood trauma, his compulsive need to maintain control and show off through materialism, and how it all manifests in his hoarding tendencies 🙂

( major tw for mentions of childhood abuse, alcoholism, food insecurity, hoarding, and discussions of mental illness )

along with his father’s alcoholism, and the physical and verbal abuse he and his mother suffered at his hands, dio’s early childhood was defined by food insecurity. although his mother tried her best to ensure he was well fed, often skipping meals herself so that he could have something to eat, dario’s excessive drinking and philandering meant that the family was often without money for food. not only that, as dio grew older, he started running away from home to escape the abuse, spending multiple days at a time on the streets. 

as a result, he developed a compulsive habit of hoarding his food, and hiding it to store for later. once he started doing this, he never let himself finish a full meal, no matter how hungry he was at the time — the idea of being without food in light of the very real possibility there wouldn’t be any at home was a source of great anxiety. this habit became so ingrained in dio that for several months following his adoption, he would continue to steal food from the kitchen whenever he got the chance, hiding it in various places throughout the joestar mansion. naturally, he was too prideful to let on that he was doing this; the few times his stashes were discovered, he let jojo take the fall for it.

even then, a lack of food was just one of many contributing factors to dio's feelings of insecurity. when he lived in poverty, he had almost no possessions to call his own, and whatever he did have was liable to vanish. often, he would return home to discover that his cherished collections of novels and penny magazines were gone, sold in his absence for drinking money. sometimes, if dario was on a particularly expensive bender, he would even sell off his son's spare clothes for booze, leaving dio with nothing but the shirt on his back.

dio learned early in his childhood that whatever few possessions he managed to cling onto could be forcibly taken away from him at any time, that he can’t trust anyone not to steal from him for their own gain, and that he must always be prepared to fight tooth and nail to prevent this from happening. 

consider this scene from phantom blood. when dio first arrives at the joestar mansion, he reacts instinctively — violently —when jonathan attempts to carry his bag.

now, you could interpret this scene as just another instance of dio being shitty to jojo as a part of his master plan to bully him into submission, and i wouldn't necessarily disagree. but given how impoverished his childhood was, how little possessions he had, and how insecure and tenuous his hold on those few possessions was, this moment in particular really does come across as a trauma reaction to me. it's evident in the way he appears so alarmed when jonathan reaches for his bag, and how immediately and viciously he lashes out without a second's hesitation. i have no doubt too that he’s had to fend off street thieves in the past, and likely did so with a similar maneuver.

( i think it's also worth mentioning that with this interpretation, this moment becomes one of the earliest incidents in which we see dio's mask visibly slip, followed by his furtive efforts to save face. even considering his desire to be cruel to jojo, he acts entirely on impulse here. i'm particularly fascinated by the way he mentions wanting a servant to carry his bag, like he’s trying to excuse his trauma response as righteous indignation, and how quickly he composes himself again after the violent outburst. )

it's not until we get to stardust crusaders though, that this aspect of DIO's trauma visibly manifests in a severe hoarding problem. by this point, the state of DIO's home has become both a reflection of his current state of mind, and a long established pattern of sickness stemming from his childhood experiences. the lack of security he felt as a child in regard to his possessions never really went away. once he has the power and the capital to do so, he spends a significant amount of time seeking out rare and valuable items in the pursuit of luxury, attempting to impress his followers and affirm his delusions through the sheer magnitude of his wealth while failing to see his hoarding for the mental health problem that it clearly is.

he is aware, at least on a subconscious level, that his piles of miscellaneous treasure are unsightly. the mansion’s foyer is kept relatively clear of clutter for the sake of appearances, but the deeper into the house you get, the more objects there are to step over. he’s filled multiple rooms with piles upon piles of gold and jewels, paintings and sculptures, luxury clothing, weapons and artifacts, rare instruments, expensive wine, books and books and more books, but he doesn't take the time to organize or arrange anything. his piles of possessions are interspersed with the occasional dead bodies of his leftovers, lost amid his vast hoard and overlooked by whoever's on housekeeping duty. it's the perfect visual representation of DIO's dangerous appetites, and ultimately, his emptiness as a person. it's as visually chaotic as it is profoundly disturbing; as hollow and meaningless and destructive as DIO's pursuits.

quite honestly, DIO doesn’t even remember acquiring most of his hoard, and he stopped keeping an inventory of it all long ago. he is even willing to acknowledge that his obsession with wealth and power doesn’t actually bring him happiness. of course, that's not to say he would be willing to give any of it up. simply put, he must have it all. regardless of any fleeting moments of self awareness, the hoarding remains a fixation — a sad reflection of his insatiable desire to acquire more, and more, and more, despite knowing deep down that he can never truly be satisfied. 

last but not least, i headcanon that in addition to hoarding objects, DIO collects interesting people. naturally, he favors stand users and others with special abilities for their usefulness to his cause. there are a rare few he keeps around purely for their company, although for most of them, i wouldn't consider it friendship. a better equivalence would be a cat who spares a mouse, so it can play with its food instead.

[bisolationist]

I know you were talking about women that assault boys and men, but I am a woman that was abused by a woman and I think your description also applies to me. When people think of how women assault other women they have some gentle almost porn-like fantasy in their heads. I wish female-eran could see that the other side of the coin of what she's saying is what she's doing. I mean, yes there is social concept that tells women that penis can ruin and soil them, even though that's not true because dignity does not depend on penis. Still it is difficult to deal with that. But okay then other side of the coin is when people tell us degrading things are not really degrading because no penis. That is still basing the morality on how rapists think about penis and the worth of women, and used to tell us our sexual assault is not bad or degrading, or not even real rape - the same way men think lesbian sex is not even real sex. I hope I make sense. I am sorry you got so many horrible anons because of tings she said but thank you for saying something in response to her post because I would have been too embarrassed.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry how the conversation was framed and the rhetoric that was pushed hurt you and reminded you of how other people have hurt you. I understand what you are saying, yeah, and I agree to some degree though I don't think I should comment on the aspect of how women are hurt by this.

I do just find it baffling to try to quantify something like degradation because that's such an internal and personal reaction. I know some people would be absolutely pissed if you said what happened to them was 'degrading' because they process it in the lens that external things like that have no right to change them. Others want to acknowledge the emotions they felt at the time and the actions and intent of their abuser and feel very strongly about being told they weren't degraded, because it makes them feel like they're being told what was done to them was okay. I think both reactions are reasonable and people may even change from one to the other over time. So while we can examine certain factors, it shouldn't be for the sake of linking them in absolute terms to things like 'horror' and 'degradation', but rather so we can understand the patterns behind those factors and better give aid to victims in practical and actionable terms when those differences are applicable.

I do honestly think we need to lay off of her though. I hope she read my latest reply and can maybe think about some of those things, but either way I wish her the best. For me it's not about making her in particular understand anything, and I understand why her own trauma and events make her feel how she feels. I'm unhappy with what she chose to set off and the pain it's caused other people, and I'm VERY unhappy with how other people are carrying on the conversation, but I don't think berating her will solve anything anywhere.

[ascendantfantasies]

being stupid horny about a character this complex is a pain in the ass for fic and fantasy composition.

I have a thing for the whole victim thing. It runs into some dark kinks.

And a concept where the vampire and the former cult leader have a hot fucked up mutual relationship is good.

But pushing that scenario further to the point that the two of them then go on to victimize a third person who they treat as a sex toy that whines.

This is a hot concept. Being in the hands of very very dangerous people. The blood drinking and pain and blood play elements. The trapped there elements that run into abduction flavoured kinks (because within the world of this game, if you get too far from the artefact, you lose your protection so you have to stay with the group if you want to survive). Being corrupted into liking more and more depraved things.

BUT

The whole things gets hella complicated to spool up into a real story instead of a hot concept. Because the vampire is wildly complex.

He's an asshole to victims. "The problem with what C did was that he did it to me" is a canon line in the game. His reaction to slavery. He'd be unlikely to be sympathetic to someone too weak or stupid to fight back.

He's also very willing to go with the flow with whatever the party lead decides on. He'll sway good if that's where your playthrough goes but he'll also sway evil if that's where you point him. His personal motivations are power and freedom which are heavily tangled up in a rats nest of extended trauma.

So he'd go along with the cult leader if sexual assault was a thing that got him what he needed.

But also - he's not actually incapable of seeing evil and the longer he is away from the Torment Nexus, the more capable of seeing it he becomes. And in a trapped victim scenario - and the mechanics of the game - you end up with a situation where he cannot just write this person off entirely because they're in this together. A little bit of emotional support goes absolutely miles with him in the game. Letting him talk is a huge piece of building that relationship.

What does the end game of that relationship look like?

How do you build that MC so that relationship works?

How does the cult leader factor in to the end game?

How does the Act Two confession and boundary fit within this context?

These are not horny questions. These are deep characterization based questions. These are questions about trauma processing and the cycle of abuse.

Why did I have to latch onto the grimdark ideas with such a complex character?

(because he is a complex character and I like that).

I started a duo run with a d.urge who starts utterly off the rails. and No-Self Control d.urge plus the vampire are such a good pairing.

But I am a particular kind of horny today and that victim idea is back in my head. Someone like this character who is very very happy to hurt someone else and how it would act as a vortex for the vampire's worst intentions.

Instead of two fucked up people orbiting each other and learning to live, you get these two fucked up people orbiting each other and destroying everyone in their path. Which is the current dynamic but told from the perspective of someone who is in the path of the hurricane? Who is turned on by it even as it threatens to tear them to bits?

Very very very hot.

I guess I could just write the first act and leave the what-ifs dangling.

[muzzamilblogger]

Trauma Treatment: How to Do It The Trauma Treatment Handbook: Protocols Across the Spectrum

What a terrific ee-e book. Plainly written, full of facts and resources, the writer demonstrates an staggering intensity of knowledge, draw close of rankings of trauma treatment plans, at the side of compassion and heat empathy for trauma survivors. All this underscored with a systematic objectivity and a energetic feel of humor.

Not best does Shapiro gift the reader with targeted courses to many styles of remedy for supporting humans who`ve suffered a trauma (starting from early life abuse to sexual attack to vehicle crashes to the fear of war) however there may be a bankruptcy for therapists ourselves for whom taking note of the regularly heart-wrenching memories from customers is itself traumatic.

A wealthy preference of strategies for recuperation trauma affords the reader with clean courses to the familiar (e.g. psychodynamic theories advanced from the musings of Freud) to much less not unusualplace or uncommon treatment plans (which includes Brainspotting and Dialectical Behavior Therapy).

For the ones folks now no longer bathed withinside the holy waters of DSM -IV(Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) the writer lists dozens of the acronyms that constitute labels for lots styles of human distress, and the fantastic sort of treatment plans to fight trauma in particular. (Shapiro ends this exhaustive -web page listing with "WTF?: reaction to such a lot of acronyms!") The author (who already has posted books at the subject) describes EMDR [Eye Movement and Desensitization] in high-quality element and indicates that a higher label could have been "reprocessing remedy" as it includes BLS (bi-lateral stimulation). EMDR also "consists of factors of mindfulness, somatic awareness, exposure, and cognitive treatment plans."

The "strength psychologies' with their cappotential to therapy phobias in a unmarried session, are given their due from the unique TFT (Thought-Field Therapy) thru EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), to TAT (Tapas Acupressure Technique) and the paintings of scientific psychologist David Feinstein who is "married to Donna Eden, the maven of strength medicine." (Which well-knownshows my lack of understanding as I'd by no means heard of her).

In the bankruptcy on hypnotherapy, Shapiro cleverly consists of Ericksonian language that gives the reader a short enjoy of hypnosis. Several hypnotic strategies for managing trauma illustrate the strength of this approach. (Only Hypnotic Olfactory Conditioning is missing).

This ee-e book offers the therapist -- beginner or experienced -- a large preference of methods to use to a selected traumatized client. There also are specialised chapters on grief, the army and borderline character disorders. Within every bankruptcy and on the stop of the text, are wealthy references for similarly learning.

Read More: Review of the book Why Mars and Venus Collision by Dr. John Gray

[wickwrites]

Wonder Egg Priority Episode 4: Boys’ and Girls’ Suicides Do Mean Different Things (But Not in the Way the Mannequins Want You to Think!)

So, let’s talk about this for a second. After I got over my initial knee-jerk reaction, I realized I wasn’t sure how to make sense of exactly what the mannequins were arguing for here. So let me rephrase their statements to make the argumentative structure more explicit: Because men are goal-oriented and women are not, because women are emotion-oriented and men are not, and because women are impulsive and easily influenced by others’ voices and men are not, boys’ and girls’ suicides mean different things – girls are more easily “tempted” by death, and therefore, more likely to require saving when they inevitably regret their suicide. While Wonder Egg Priority, so far, seems to agree with the vague version of the mannequins’ conclusion, namely that boys’ and girl’s suicides mean different things, it refutes the gender-essentialist logic through which that conclusion was derived.

The mannequins choose a decidedly gender essentialist approach in explaining the difference between girls’ and boy’s suicides; they argue that the suicides are different because of some immutable characteristic of their mental hard wiring (in this case, impulsivity, emotionality, and influenceability). Obviously, this is a load of bull, and Wonder Egg Priority knows it. The mannequins are not exactly characters we’re supposed to trust, seeing that they’re running a business that is literally based on letting these kids put themselves in mortal danger. As faceless adult men, they parrot and possibly represent the systems that force these girls to continue to be subjected to physical and emotional trauma (it’s probably more complicated than this, but four episodes in, it’s hard to say more). So, we’re probably supposed to take what they say with great skepticism. Also, the director, Shin Wakabayashi, has recently said that in response to these lines, Neiru was originally going to object, “When it comes to their brains, boys and girls are also the same,” (which unfortunately is not exactly true and is somewhat of an oversimplification, but the sentiment is there). While that line ultimately did not make it in, Neiru does reply with a confused and somewhat indignant, “What?!”, a reaction that gets the message across.  Neiru is not a fan of gender essentialism, and as a (more) sympathetic character, we’re supposed to agree with her.

That is, the differences between boys and girls is not something inherent to their biology or character, but something constructed by culture and experience. This rejection of gender-essentialism is apparent in Wonder Egg Priority’s narrative, which takes a more sociocultural perspective on the difference between boys’ and girls’ suicides. It says, well of course boys’ and and girl’s suicides don’t mean the same thing, that’s the whole reason why we’re delving into the experiences specific to being a girl (cis or trans) or AFAB in this world – to show you how girls’ suicides are influenced by systems of oppression perpetuated by those in power (ie. the adult, in this specific anime).

And all the suicides we’ve seen up until now tie into that somehow. For instance, Koito is bullied by her female classmates who think that Sawaki is giving her special treatment. This is a narrative that comes up over and over again, in real life as well: that if a young girl is being given attention from an older man, then it’s her fault – that she must want it, or at least enjoy it somehow, and that it signifies a virtue (eg. maturity or beauty) on her part. And if Koito is actually being given such treatment by Sawaki, an adult man in a position of power over her, that is incredibly predatory. 

And we all know that child sexual abuse is something that overwhelmingly affects girls, with one out of nine experiencing it before the age of 18, as opposed to one out of 53 boys (Finkelhor et al., 2014). Regardless of whether Sawaki was actually abusing Koito or if the students only thought that he was, Koito’s trauma is ultimately the result of this romanticized “love between a young girl and adult man, but not because the man is predatory, but because the girl has some enviable virtue that makes her desirable” narrative. Similarly, in episode 2, Minami’s suicide is driven by ideas related to discipline and body image in sports, which while not necessarily specific to female and AFAB athletes, is framed in an AFAB-specific way. For instance, take the pressure on Minami to “maintain her figure”. Certainly, male athletes also face a similar pressure, but we know that AFAB and (cis and trans) female bodies are subject to closer scrutiny and criticism. We know that young girls are more likely to suffer from eating disorders. And Wonder Egg Priority situates Minami’s experience as decidedly “about” AFAB experience when her coach accuses her change of figure due to her period as a character failing on her part.

 Likewise, episode 3 delves into suicides related to “stan” culture, this fervent dedication to celebrities that is overwhelmingly associated to teenage girls. And Miwa’s story, in episode 4, explicitly shows how society responds to sexual assault. When Miwa does have the courage to speak up about her assault, she’s instantly reprimanded by basically everyone around her. Her father is fired because her abuser was an executive of his company. Her mother asks her why she couldn’t just bear with it, telling her that her abuser chose her because she was cute, as if that’s supposed to make her feel better about it. Wonder Egg Priority shows that this sort of abuse is a systemic problem, a set of rules and norms deeply engrained in a society and upheld by all adults, regardless of gender, social status, or closeness (to the victim). Wonder Egg Priority says that, yes, girls’ and boys’ suicides have different meanings, but it’s not due to some inherent difference between the two, but the hostile environment in which these girls grow up. Girls are not more easily “tempted” by death, they just have more societal bullshit to deal with.

But Wonder Egg Priority goes further than just showcasing how girls’ (and AFAB) experiences are shaped by sociocultural factors. The story also disproves the supposedly dichotomous characteristics that the mannequins use to differentiate girls and boys (i.e. influenceability/independence, impulsivity/deliberation, emotion-orientation/goal-orientation). If the mannequins are indeed correct, and that girls are just influenceable, impulsive, and emotional, you’d expect the girls in the story to be to be like such too. Except, they aren’t. Rather, they’re a mix of both/all characteristics. This show says that, certainly, girls can be suggestible, but they’re also capable of thinking for themselves. For instance, when Momoe asserts her own identity as a girl at the end of episode four, she rejects the words of those around her who insisted that she isn’t a girl. If she were as suggestible as the mannequins believe her to be, that would never have happened – she would have just continued believing that she wasn’t girl “enough”. But, she doesn’t because she is equally capable of making her own judgements. Likewise, Wonder Egg Priority shows that girls can be impulsive, but they can also be deliberate and pre-mediating. When Miwa tricks her Wonder Killer into groping her to create an opening for Momoe to defeat it, she’s not doing it out of impulse – it’s a pre-mediated and deliberate choice unto a goal. And Wonder Egg Priority continues, girls can be equally emotion oriented and goal oriented. Sure, the main girls are fighting because they have the goal of bringing their loved ones back to life, but those goals are motivated by a large range of emotions, from guilt to anger, grief, compassion, and love. 

Being emotion-driven doesn’t mean you’re not goal-driven, and vice versa. In fact, in this case, being emotional drives these girls toward their goals. In other words, none of these traits that the mannequins listed are either “girl traits” or “boy traits”. Being one does not mean you can’t be the other, even if they seem dichotomous at first. Wonder Egg Priority’s diverse cast of multi-dimensional female characters allows it to undermine the mannequins’ conceptualization of gendered roles, refuting the idea that these (or any) character traits should be consider gendered at all.

As an underdeveloped side thought, I think Wonder Egg Priority’s blurring of gendered roles is also well-reflected in its style. There’s been a lot of talk about whether Wonder Egg Priority constitutes a magical girl series, and I think that’s an interesting question deserving of its own essay. Certainly, it does follow the basic formula of the magical girl story: a teenage heroine ensemble wielding magical weapons saves the day. But it also throws out a lot of the conventions you’d expect of a magical girl story – both aesthetically and narratively. Aesthetically, it’s probably missing the component that most would consider the thing that makes an anime a magical girl anime: the full body transformation sequence, complete with the sparkles and the costume and all that. Narratively, the girls are also not really magical girl protagonist material – they’ve got a fair share of flaws, have done some pretty awful things (looking at Kawai in particular; I still love you though), and aren’t exactly the endlessly self-sacrificing heroines you’d expect from a typical magical girl story. On the other hand, the anime also borrows a lot from shonen battle anime. We get these dynamic, well choreographed action sequences full of horror and gore, the focus on the importance of camaraderie between allies (or “nakama”, as shonen anime would call it) exemplified through all the bonding between the main girls during their downtime, and in the necessary co-operation to bring down the Wonder Killers. That said, this anime is not a shonen; the characters, types of conflicts, and themes are quite different from those that you’d find in a typical shonen. The bleeding together of the shonen genre and the magical girl genre, at the very least (and I say this because I think it does way more than just that), reflects Wonder Egg Priority’s interest in rebelling against conventional narratives about girlhood and gender.

[aspoonofsugar]

Hi! I just wanted to say that your analysis posts on Monster and it’s characters are some of my absolute favourites, even shaping how I view the series myself. Please don’t stop❤️

I also wanted to ask who your top ten characters are and a brief explanation of why?

Hello anon!

Thank you for the very sweet words! I love the series very much! It is definately a favourite and by rereading some parts for the analyses, I realize how even individual chapters are amazing and often are already perfectly structured units...

In short, I am overwhelmed by emotions everytime I reread some parts :’’’)

As for my favourite characters... I actually do not have a top 10, but I can make a top 5!

1) Nina and Johan

I love them!

I think their relationship might be one of my favourite parts of Monster and this is saying a lot!

They are two kids who are treated as lab rats, rather than people. Their personhood is negated and they are treated as interchangeable.

The result is that they try to cope in a twisted and dangerous way... they fit themselves into roles and let themselves be defined by those roles.

Nina is the good and innocent one. She is ignorant of the horror of life and is sheltered and protected.

Johan is instead the abused and corrupted one. He knows true evilness and true emptiness and so he acts as a monster.

Let’s highlight that these two roles fit more or less the common idea of the golden child and the scapegoat. The originality is that here it is not a parent who forces such roles on them... at least not directly. It is the twins themselves that need these roles to cope with the trauma of their mother choosing one of them and for what happens because of this.

On one hand Nina is discarded by their mother, so she should be the scapegoat. However, her reaction to this is to acts as the golden child. She is not the unchosen one... she is the chosen. She is the one who is protected.

On the other hand Johan is the chosen one, so he should see himself as the golden child. However, his sense of self is frail, so he doubts his mother has truly chosen him. Not only that, but he feels guilty for what happens to Nina (at least this is the implication in the Don’t Cry chapter), so he chooses to protect her. He chooses to give the world to her. He does so because deep down he is no strong enough to be his own person without his sister.

So, the twins’ symbiotic relationship is born.

It is a relationship where Johan basically reduces himself to Nina’s coping mechanism. He is Nina’s shadow in the jungian term. He encarnates Nina’s trauma and is the monster Nina should have become.

It is also interesting the twins’ opposite way to approach the theme of memories.

Memories are what identity is rooted in, so Nina and Johan’s reaction to their past is indicative of their different identity problems.

On one hand Nina forgets everything she does not like. She refuses a part of herself and negates her traumatic past.

On the other hand Johan can’t let go of it and lets himself be defined by it completely. Not only that, but he is so scared of being no-one that he makes his memories which are not his own.

In the end, it is important for both twins to remember the truth.

Nina realizes she needs the bad memories to enjoy the good ones as well. She remembers her mother discarding her, but also Bonaparta’s message of hope for the twins and her brother’s feelings for her.

Johan is instead saved because two people of his past survive and recognize his personhood. Johan does have a past who is his own in the end. He just needs to accept it.

3) Eva

I love Eva’s arc.

She is a great example of how to have a female character that seems a negative stereotype turn out amazing.

Eva is deep down a person who is not self-independent.

In particular, she defines herself through her relationships with men. This leads her to feel lost and spiral when she is alone.

In other words, she falls victim of her own mentality that lives have value only because of external factors. In the beginning she feels whole because she can depend on her father. Once she loses him, she is unable to find another person she can lean on and this leads her to feel worthless.

This is why it is so powerful that in the end she overcomes her obsession for Thenma thanks to Martin and this is also why, even if tragic, Martin’s death is able to help Eva treasure her own life more.

In the end she is shown as a strong and self-sufficient woman, who is able to find closure and move on on her own.

3) Lunge

Lunge is Eva’s opposite. He defines himself through his job and sacrifices his personal relationships to it.

He wants to be a robot and his personal journey is about discovering he is just a human, he has feelings and he makes mistakes. And all of this is alright.

4) Grimmer

Grimmer’s story is heartbreaking.

I love his background and how in the end he is able to accept the most violent part of himself (his arc definately comments the twins’) and to finally feel again (just like Lunge).

Him dying finally being able to grieve his son is a punch in the gut, but in a good way.

5) Tenma

Tenma is an example of how to have a protagonist embody the main theme of a story, but still have him turn out great.

Tenma is a messianic archetype, but he struggles, is challenged and doubts his own convinctions more than once.

In the end, he needs the encouragement of the people he has helped, like Nina and Lunge to be able to do once again the right thing and save Johan.

Thank you for the ask!

[testudoaubrei-blog]

TL/DR - Catra is a uniquely complex and compelling character who has -so much going on- compared with most characters in any medium. Her character arc is psychologically astute, morally powerful and dramatically compelling, and it pushes the boundaries of the audiences sympathies in ways that are really groundbreaking for a kids show, and her arcs conclusion celebrates love, growth, and the power to change in a way that is all too rare in TV for grown ups.

Content note for mentions of suicidal ideation and self harm.

Well, now that the summary is out of the way, here’s a massive fucking dissertation on why Catra is such a great character.

This is the first of a series of posts outlining things that make She Ra a truly great show, one that stands out even 15 years into a golden age of TV animation for kids. This isn’t going to be a comprehensive account for why the show is great - the real answer is that this show has so many arcs and so many fully realized characters and they are all growing and changing in ways that interact with each other and complement each other so well. But I’m going to highlight some particular standouts, things that this show does better than anything else, things that made me step back and say ‘holy shit they did this in a show pitched at 10 year olds?!’

And so the first of these posts is about Catra. I’ve never seen a character in a kids TV show like Catra before. Depending on the season, she’s an anti-villain, an outright villain and an anti-hero and then, in the end, a hero. Being glib, I describe her in villain mode as a Saturday morning cartoon Supervillain as written by like, Dostoevsky. She’s got the trappings of classic villain camp - long speeches, sneering, over-complicated plans, she’s oddly ineffectual at times etc/ Yet all of this is underlaid and justified by something much deeper - her feelings of rejection, her desire to lash out at everyone around her, at her self-hatred and hatred of everyone and everything else (at least by Season 4. Good God.) And her actions are as dark as her motivations - she nearly destroys reality out of spite, betrays literally everyone who cares about her (often multiple times) and isolates herself so completely that in the season 4 finale she is a solitary, suicidal wreck of a person. Hell, in her last fight with Hordak, I was definitely rooting for Hordak (to say nothing of Glimmer, who is a pretty impressive antiheroine, like if Sparkles had just blasted her into glittery oblivion would we have held it against her?).

Let's start by discussing trauma. It comes up a lot with Catra for obvious and good reasons. But I almost feel like that word is insufficient for what's going on with Catra, or at least, we shouldn't stop with it (I know there are terms like complex trauma, but rather than simply using those I want to explain the difference between Catra’s consistent abuse and a single traumatic event). To use another example from a different show, Korra was also traumatized in season 4. But she was traumatized by a series of an events when she was a young adult. She had something horrible happen to her, and it fucked her up, and then she had exposure therapy with Zaheer and at least starts to get better. Catra...Catra is much more consistently abused. It's not just that shadow weaver traumatized her with the various acts of torture, but that Shadow Weaver taught Catra both an explicit worldview and a series of coping mechanisms that she struggles with through young adulthood. First, Shadow Weaver trained Catra to seek her approval. This is something she is particularly vulnerable to with Shadow Weaver, but also what she does with Hordak and to a extent Double Trouble. Catra's instinct when people mistreat her or show that they aren't trustworthy is to invest further in the relationship, until the breaking point. By contrast, when people treat her well Catra lashes out or takes them for granted. This is uh…a dymamic I am acquainted with among people who have been abused as kids, people whom I love. It is pretty rough.

She also developed a desire to prove herself. This starts off being tied to her drive for approval, but combined with her competitive streak (which is expressed in both healthy and unhealthy ways with Adora) it turns into a desire to beat Shadow Weaver and then Hordak at their own game.

At the same time, Catra learned by always being blamed for everything to evade and deny responsibility, no matter what. I think this form of self reassurance is tied to her self doubt (I think at some level she does think she is worthless) and her self hatred. It is also enabled by Adora’s martyr complex and willingness even act as Catra’s punching bag (as we see in the flashback in Corridors). This is a dynamic that actually repeats in an even worse fashion with Scorpia. Far from being arrogant, her constant evasions, put downs against others and preening speeches sound like the words of a woman who is trying to convince herself most of all. This tendency borders on narcissistic self delusion by season 3-4, which she begins recounting her version of events and possibly believing it even when it is obviously false, and everyone knows it.

When it comes to worldviews, Shadow Weaver taught Catra that love is about control and manipulation. We see this in seasons 1-3 where she congratulates herself for manipulating Adora when all she has done is take advantage of Adora's lingering love for her. Meanwhile, she’s learned that power is her only protection, and that the only way to stay on top is to abuse those beneath her.

The final kind of static tendency in Catra is her identity in the horde and her view of herself as one of the bad guys. This is something she rarely articulates but underlies much of her her decision to stay and not join Adora (at least at first). I think one thing to consider is that even if Catra never believed horde propaganda, it may have made her cynical and unwilling to imagine something better for herself or the world. Another factor is having struggled to belong in the horde for so long, she isn't going to give up now. At first this ties into her desire to win the approval of shadow weaver and Hordak, then it comes from her desire to prove herself better than them. Another factor is her self hatred. She sees herself as someone who hurts people, perhaps as a monster. She sees herself as a bad guy and so team evil is her side.

So yeah, our girl is kinda fucked up.

And yet Catra is never reduced to the sum of her traumas and bad habits. At every step of the way she is shown as a moral agent. She is shaped by shadow Weaver's abuse but she remains aware of and responsible for her actions. This is a double edged sword. She is fully responsible for her actions, but also she is never shown as broken by abuse or mental illness. She’s fully responsible, but by the same token is also redeemable, because she still has a choice.

So with that our of the way, let's go to Catra's arc.

I’m not going to recite everything terrible Catra does because I’m still on my first complete rewatch and I honestly find it hard to list it all. It’s a lot. So let’s talk about her shifting motivations. Early on, we see her desire for approval and recognition motivating her in ways that are so easy to sympathize with - she’s been told she’s worthless for years, and she wants to be worth something. We see how much she’s been scarred by Shadow Weavers abuse and by the ruthlessness and callousness of the Horde, and can sympathize with her desire to survive and advance since her own position is so untenable. We also see how, at first, she wants to be reunited with Adora. Her first huge turn into much darker territory is Promises, when she tries to kill Adora in order to permanently sever her connection with her own life and eliminate a possible rival for advancement (should Adora ever return). She’s told herself that she doesn’t want Adora back, and at least partly means it. Yet we still show her care for Scorpia and Entrapta and even Shadow Weaver in Season 2. It’s when Catra realizes that Shadow Weaver has chosen Adora over her once again that she takes her darkest turn. It’s not just that she destroys reality out of spite, it’s that she rejects her chance for a better and happier life, betrays every friend she has and focuses single-mindedly on hurting Adora (and arguably herself) and then on surviving when her attempt fails. Then Catra spends an entire season both fully inhabiting her role as a villain (and not a sympathetic one - really only our history with her leaves us sympathetic) and being utterly self-destructive and miserable. At the end, as mentioned, she’s a broken, suicidal wreck who has destroyed everything she’s strived for. If this was an HBO drama, we’d roll credits here and she’d go down as another self-destructive antihero. It would perhaps be too much to call her ‘Walter White as a catgirl’, but still. Of course, her story doesn’t end there.

Something that is incredibly dark that is happening in step with this is Catra’s hardening of herself, indeed, her dehumanization of herself. We see her struggle with her natural compassion, her kindness, her need for connection, her desire for happiness, and we see her ignore it all, stamp it down and nearly snuff it out. This is a huge factor in her descent into becoming a real villain (no ‘anti’ qualifiers needed). Every step of her descent is a struggle for Catra - not going with Adora in the second part of ‘The Sword’, trying to kill Adora in ‘Promise’, going back to the Horde, betraying Entrapta, lying about Entrapta, threatening Scorpia, destroying the world - but she always chooses evil. And with every step she becomes more isolated, more callous, and more cruel. Her default reaction becomes not just bravado and mockery and insolence, but threats, bullying and intimidation, until her management style is identical to Hordak’s, and indeed, is quite a bit worse. Catra starts off fighting for Hordak and Shadow Weaver’s approval and struggling to survive, and ends up cackling maniacally at her brutal and murderous conquests. She has very deliberately turned herself into a cruel conqueror, and a tyrant. This self-dehumanization is a huge part of evil in the world, I think, and it’s really powerful to see it so clearly in a kids show.

Meanwhile her insistence on evading all responsibility finally results in a self-serving, self-protective narrative that insulates her from responsibility or self-examination but also cuts her off from reality and other people. It’s always a bit unclear to what extent her various untruths (about Adora leaving her, about Shadow Weaver’s escape and her concealment of it not being her fault, about Entrapta betraying Hordak) are things she believes, lies she is telling to have power over others (mostly Scorpia) or things that she doesn’t quite believe but is trying to convince herself of. It’s probably all of these at various times, and in different degrees for each lie. The end result is that Catra is even more alone, because only she inhabits the safe cocoon of lies she’s built around herself. It also is the key to her and the Horde’s downfall - Catra is so isolated and in such denial that she can’t see how thin her forces are spread, and this crack shows up even in episode 1 of Season 4, with her insistence that the Princess Alliance is in shambles (when, in fact, it’s already rebounding, and proves more resilient than she allows herself to believe, and is led by a woman as ruthless and determined as herself). This part of Catra’s arc brilliantly shows how deception (of yourself and others) can feel protective by keeping shame at bay, but ultimately is destructive and strips someone of so much of the intellectual and moral qualities that we call ‘human.’ It’s also chilling to see since we’ve seen the end game of this mentality play out in US national politics, at the highest level.

I said at the opening that we’ve never seen a sympathetic character like Catra in a kids show. What about Zuko? I would argue that Zuko is never a cruel, or as callous, or as self-destructive as Catra is at her worst. Zuko is motivated by a desire for recognition from his abusive father (much like Catra is initially motivated by desire for recognition from Hordak and Shadow Weaver, and indeed Adora), and perhaps a desire to belong in the Fire Nation. All of this gets wrapped together in his ‘Honor’. He’s a young man with a very weak sense of what he truly believes, instead relying on external guides to what he should do. He’s also incredibly self-involved, and initially indifferent to anyone’s pain but his own and anyone’s needs but his own need to restore his honor. Uncle Iroh is there throughout to push Zuko both to see the needs of others and to become his own person. Zuko’s redemption arc, then, is a twofold quest to recognize other people and to find his own moral center and act from it. This is a pretty powerful coming of age story in that it is about him becoming his own person and throwing off the shackles of his upbringing. Politically, it’s a powerful story of a young man taking responsibility for his own actions in an authoritarian regime and refusing to participate in its imperialism any more and to embrace a new way forward both for himself and his nation. At the same time, in some ways it is easy to sympathize with Zuko because his greatest crimes are those of weakness - he’s not strong enough to stand up to his nation and his family until midway through the last season. Catra though...Catra does what she does, eventually, because she wants to hurt people. She’s cruel, and spiteful, and destructive in ways that are truly scary and which prevent any excuse or mitigation.

Which brings up the other comparison - Azula. But while Azula is (somewhat inconsistently) shown either as a monstrous child sociopath or a traumatized and broken child who can’t help it (and thus, perversely, as not a moral agent but something like a monster), Catra is consistently shown as a moral agent. Catra chooses her own path, every step of the way. She has so many chances to do something else - Adora’s offers to leave together in the two-part series opener, Promises, Scorpia’s suggestion that they dessert the Horde and become desert gang leaders, etc - and until season 5, she turns them all down. While Azula seems destined for evil and madness, with Catra we see a young woman very deliberately walk down the path into unmitigated evil with both eyes open. And then we see it destroy her.

And after she is basically destroyed, we see her build herself back. This process actually starts in Season 4 with the creeping realization that even when she is winning she is miserable and alone. She doesn’t even notice Scorpia is gone for several episodes, then she completely loses it. She spends the entire time when she is at her most triumphant isolated and raging and borderline incoherent, as ineffectual as she accuses Hordak of being. She’s won, and she’s alone, and she’s the most unhappy she has ever been, and I think for the first time she realizes that. And that’s the worst blow to her, even before all the external things come crashing down. She’s already miserable before Double Trouble and Glimmer deal her a triple coup de grace of destroying all her armies*, turning her and Hordak against each other and then Double Trouble’s epic evisceration. By the time Glimmer shows up, Catra is, as mentioned, literally suicidal. But she’s also already begun the process of changing in that she knows that she has a problem (her, and her self/other-destructive tendencies). Moreover, she knows, at some level, that what she really wants isn’t conquest, or to prove herself as the baddest leader of the Horde, but love - and she’s seen how she’s squandered that at every opportunity.

Let’s just pause for a moment to observe how much better Glimmer is at villainous machinations than Catra. In a couple episodes she makes a faustian bargain for unlimited power, kills all her enemies armies, sets her two chief foes at each other’s throats and literally cripples one while rendering the other helpless. And given her ironic non-answer about hurting Catra (‘we’re the good guys, remember?’ and the fact that she’d tried to kill Catra twice before**, she walked into Hordak’s sanctum fully intending to end Catra’s life, one way or another. She does all this through ruthlessness, recklessness and treachery, and she could give like, a TED talk on villainy. Of course it also blows up in her face and is actually way worse than the portal did in Catra’s, endangering the whole universe (I always assumed that the portal only threatened Despondos), dooming Etheria to invasion and all that. Of course, Catra pulled that switch and then fought Adora knowing that the world was ending, while Glimmer was just ignoring warnings from...just about everyone, including Shadow Weaver. So yeah, Glimmer, best kids show antihero since Princess Bubblegum***(unless we’re counting Catra as an antihero, which works for the first half of season 5).

Anyway, at the beginning of Season 5 Catra is adrift. Though some interpretations, like TV tropes, see her as immediately falling back into old habits and casting her lot in with Prime, I see her actions from the end of Season 4 onwards as more ambivalent. She seems to be kind of...going through the motions. She doesn’t have any of the drive or passion in her plotting that she once did, she seems to be maneuvering into Prime’s good graces out of habit. At best she’s back in the survival mode of early season 1, but without the ambition and desire to prove herself that motivated her. Some interpretations put a lot of stock in Prime being someone that can’t be bargained with or appeased, but...I don’t buy it. I take him, to an extent, at his word when he says that he was ‘exalt’ Catra (I am sure it is something awful). Catra actually gets what she wants halfway through “Corridors.” Only it’s not what she wants. She’s done jockeying for advantage, especially in a world where she truly would be alone because all she has is this psychopathic narcissist and his clones for company. She wants connection. She wants to do what is right. She’s suppressed all her humanity (felinitity? Anyway) for years and it’s made her miserable, and now she’s ready to embrace it. At the same time she confronts her own culpability, seeing just how much harm she’s done and admitting it for the first time. Her first lifeline is Glimmer, the only person she can actually talk to, the only other Etherian, the woman whose mother she doomed and who has nearly killed her three times. But Glimmer is also going through her own dark night of the soul - Glimmer and Catra’s character arcs were converging at the same time that Catra’s and Adoras and Glimmer’s and Adora’s were diverging. And they come together on either side of that forcefield, just talking and being people in an environment that is designed to be as dehumanizing as possible. Even this barest lifeline is enough for Catra to hold on to for dear life, and enough to inspire her to not just feel bad about the bad things she’s done, but do something good.

But the first way she does this is a cop out. Her plan, like Shadow Weaver’s in the finale, is to sacrifice/kill herself doing ‘one good thing.’ That way she doesn’t have to figure out how to live with the consequences of her actions, face the possible rejection of the people she loves whom she’s wronged, and do the hard work of building herself back up as a better person. She gets to die a hero rather than live as a villain. That said, unlike Shadow Weaver she does at least get off one apology, and it makes all the difference.

Then Adora fucks Catra’s sacrifice up, in glorious, space operatic, gay AF pulp fiction fashion, by saving the cat. Catra is mind controlled or unconscious for most of this episode, but what she does do is so crucial. When Adora comes for her, she reaches out to her, as soon as she is able. She doesn’t push her away, she takes Adora’s help, and her love, and Adora does the rest in badass fashion. The next few episodes plus the so perfect its canon Don’t Go are my favorite part of Catra’s entire arc.

She nearly falls back into her old habits, at least partly. Now that she has to live with what she’s done rather than just dying for it she just wants to run away again. But when she has to choose between losing Adora all over again and confronting herself and her past, she chooses Adora, and asks her to stay.

Catra then spends the rest of Season 5 slowly easing herself into the very human world of the Princess Alliance - the comaradery, the dedication to others and a cause, the goofiness. I’m going to talk a lot more about her relationship with Adora in my Catradora post, but I do want to highlight three moments.

The first is Catra running away again. This is actually a big change from what she’s done before - she’s not leaving because she’s angry, or bitter, or spiteful, she’s leaving because she doesn’t want to see the woman she loves sacrifice herself yet again (maybe this time for good) after being manipulated by the woman who had abused them both. But then she comes back. And then she confronts her abuser in a way that she has never done before - for the first time in the series, she not only calls Shadow Weaver out but calls her to do the right thing, and doesn’t give up until she does (this is after Adora also calls SW out and cuts her off forever, meaning that her two charges have finally called her on her bullshit and chosen each other over her, more in my Shadow Weaver Rant...and I guess my Catradora rant).

Then, at the end, Catra both stays with Adora through her potentially fatal harnessing of the Heart of Etheria and then her comes in and rescues her by challenging her to do something for Catra and for herself. Not to be with Catra, or to kiss her, or love her, but just stay for her. Needless to say, Adora responds far more enthusiastically than Catra had dared hope. (more on this in my Catradora rant).

Catra starts the show convinced she doesn’t need anyone except Adora, and she’s willing to even push Adora away if she can’t have Adora on her own terms. She goes down that path - ambition, manipulation, treachery, cruelty and isolation - until she has nothing left. She then slowly, painfully, turns around and reaches out and begins to heal the pain in Etheria and the universe rather than causing more. This is a psychological journey in many ways, but even more than that it is a profoundly moral one. It is a story of her accepting responsibility for her actions, facing reality, reaching out to others and making amends. It is in every sense a redemption. And while it works perfectly with Adora’s own development into her own, fuller, happier, healthier person, it works not because of Adora or the power of love, but because of Catra herself. Adora’s companionship, Adora’s rescuing of her and holding her to account, all of these are necessary for Catra to change for the better. But in the end it is Catra herself who chooses the right path, maybe for the first time in her life. And that’s what makes the romance work in turn - Catra is motivated to change not simply by a desire to impress her girlfriend or by Adora’s shining goodness (to the contrary, Adora’s a healthier and less self-sacrificing person at least in the finale...she comes around later than Catra) but by her desire to be true to herself and seek out what she really needs and wants - which is love, and connection, and to do good rather than evil. It’s a gorgeous story that takes an antihero all the way down to hell and then back again, and this makes it a truly unique redemption arc in all of kids TV - not just because of how far Catra falls, but how far she travels overall.

*(I know a lot of fanficcers talk about there being a lot of Horde Soldiers left but like...in the show...they’re nearly all dead, guys. Glimmer and company...okay mostly Mermista... just about killed them all in an afternoon. The cadet Triad survives because they deserted and weren’t there to get drowned/frozen/suffocated by plants when the grand invasion of Brightmoon went sideways)

**Okay, once she was only an accessory to Shadow Weaver’s attempted murder of Catra, the other time she leaves Catra for dead in ‘Pulse’

***I stan PB so hard guys. So hard. Machiavellian genius, mad scientist, god figure, possible Nietzschean Ubermensch? She’s so great. So great.

[palmett-hoes]

how do you think this fandom deals with "measuring" trauma? i've seen a couple posts detailing aaron's reaction to trauma/nicky's reaction//seth's/etc and it seems like some people have a tier list of trauma responses in regards to the foxes? like what's "acceptable" versus what isn't, and who's trauma was "enough" to make their actions excusable versus others. this doesn't make much sense but i hope you get where i'm coming from?

no no i get you don't worry

i think it’s something i used to see more said explicitly than i see it now. like i definitely remember a point in the fandom when ppl were very openly mad at aaron for the way he acted in the books and especially him not being “grateful” enough for all that andrew had “done for him.” additionally seth used to be used as a minor villain or an abusive ex in fics a lot more than i see now. then of course there was a period of calling out these trends and reminding ppl that these are books about trauma, not books about ethics, and that you really really can’t read them without attempting compassion for every character. they’re not books about who’s right and who’s wrong, they can’t really be read in terms of theory or ideology. they’re about survival and recovery.

i haven’t really seen those sentiments in the past few years tho, at least not as openly as they once were, nor have i seen the old posts recirculating. at the same time, i think that there’s less meta and character analysis being written in general so there’s also less debate in general. i don’t see the whole fandom tho, just who i follow and the stuff from the tags that shows up on my tl. if this stuff is actively still going on idk about it, though i’d like to think we as a collective have moved on from seeing trauma as a zero-sum game

additionally, because of the discourse period over them it seems like aaron and seth in particular are treated with extra care not to invalidate that they came from abusive situations and were shaped by that. i’d say it’s now seen as bad taste to openly denounce what a character has been through as “not enough”

however

measuring trauma isn’t always angry, it isn’t always saying to a character “you didn’t go through enough” or “he went through more so shut up.” measuring trauma can also be dismissive. it can take the form of simply choosing not to include it. of removing character traits or actions or topics that make us uncomfortable or are maybe complicated to approach. by removing them or replacing them or avoiding them and simply writing like they’re not there, you essentially get to the same place as saying “get over it” but instead you write them as having, well, gotten over it

so i do still see people measuring trauma it’s just not as outright anymore. instead it’s paring certain characters down for ease and digestibility, and simply not engaging with their trauma and circumstances

i would say i see this most often with the upperclassmen, dan, matt, and allison especially (and nicky even though he’s not an upperclassmen) (ik i mentioned him but seth content is still pretty few and far between) (renee’s trauma has the “rule of cool” so it still gets in there). i’ve mentioned before how sidelined the upperclassmen are in fan works and some of the unfortunate implications of that, but another dimension is not acknowledging or considering their individual backgrounds. they all come from some pretty fucked up circumstances and more than that they’re all SHAPED by those circumstances

in the books, they are all wary isolationists with attitude issues.  they can be mean, they can be nasty, and they can be violent. they come from poverty, abuse, neglect, drug addicition, gang violence, and sex trafficking. they are treated with extreme suspicion by their school, the media, their classmates, and their fellow athletes, and they respond with suspicion right back. their relationships with each other are often on thin ice. they treat neil the way they do - tolerate his puzzle pieces that don’t fit together right without questioning - because they can all recognize themselves in him. and on the flip side, neil is able to relate to them for the same reasons, because they are also wary dogs used to being hit

but then i so often see the upperclassmen used in ways that mostly imply they’re like,, mostly normal, chill, often quite woke. goofy and cool. they all grew up watching disney movies and going to carnivals. they get used as a contrast for neil and andrew to highlight their traumatized behavior and the extremity of their circumstances, and if their trauma gets mentionted at all it’s in passing and it doesn’t inform the way they act. their trauma isn’t sufficient to inform their actions so it just,, doesn’t factor in or get mentioned really and they’re all nice, friendly, happy-go-lucky neurotypicals who are trying to teach poor traumatized neil how to be normal. tell me that isn’t measuring trauma

it’s annoying, in all honesty, especially since it now seems to come in a form that’s hard to call out because it’s no longer content that actually states a bad opinion so much as it is a lack of content or consideration for certain characters, pushing them further and further into the background and giving them increasingly more vague, palatable, and relatable characterizations.

in fact, it often comes off as praise, by ascribing them positive traits like nicky being a good guardian for the twins or allison being super knowledgeable about lgbt stuff or dan being a “queen” or matt being a “himbo” and because this is all good stuff it’s fine, right? it’s better than canon actually, right? except actually what it is is dismissive of their trauma and individual experiences. it’s a series of easily digestible filler words used to make the messy, ugly, complicated characters of canon softer and easier to swallow

also this is by no means restricted to the upperclassmen it’s just the one that slips most through the cracks. i definitely see this happening to andrew, too, but it works in slightly different ways and is a whole other discussion

[zarathelonewolf]

BNHA - STOPPING, OR SAVING DABI?

Here I come with theories!

DISCLAIMER: I do not condone abuse, may it be emotional, physical or psycological. 

Now, as I’ve stated in the tags and the meta on chapter 325, I like the whole Todoroki family. Aside from Shouto and Enji, they may seem like minor characters, but they are actually well enstablished and deep and their reactions and reasoning after Endeavor begins his atonement arc are very nuanced.

I’m sure you already know what the point of view of every family member is: Rei won’t forgive him, but she’s also watching as he stones for his past awful deeds; Fuyumi is probably the one that wants to forgive Endeavor the most in order to have a semblance of a normal family; Natsuo righteously hates him to the moon and back, and Shouto is still on the fence but willing to work alongside his father on a professional standpoint. At times, Shouto also calls him “Father”, but only in certain circumstances and very rarely. And then...

Then we have Todoroki Touya, Enji and Rei’s firstborn. 

I won’t be talking about Fuyumi, Rei or Natsuo much on this post; I’ll concentrate on Touya, Shouto and Enji. They are, at least from what the narrative seems to be building up, the focus of the Todofam arc.

Let’s start with Touya, or at least I’ll write how I’m interpreting the narrative here...You can disagree, people have different ways of reading the same text.

He wants his father to go down, burn in hell, HARD. And he doesn’t really care if it takes to kill Shouto, whom he sees as his replacement, or put Natsuo’s life in the crossfire: anything that makes Endeavor suffer is justified. He even goes as far as killing innocent people and being an accomplice and supporter of terrorism, and bringing his family’s trauma and situation out in the public without their consent: one may argue it was correct to expose Enji, but in my humble opinion the approach was wrong. Touya wanted his father to suffer, without realizing or caring enough that his family may have traumatic reactions to the reveal as he did it, or may not be ready for it. He also isn’t doing it out of genuine feelings of justice, in my opinion: he’s weaponising the narration to bring down his father and the heroes.

 Touya, at times, accuses Endeavor of killing the innocent people HE killed with HIS fire, because Endeavor’s grave neglect and irresponsible behavior towards his situation caused Touya to start hurting himself to the point of burning up at Sekoto Mountain, before vanishing and becoming a Villain because of, presumably, all the unresolved pain and feelings pent up inside of him. 

Shouto is saved by the deadly fire embrace of his brother by Midoriya, that agrees with Touya about the fact that the past never dies, and as much as Endeavor will change, the past won’t; Midoriya admits this while saying that the actual Endeavor is trying to change, and Dabi isn’t Endeavor: which means that Dabi can’t fault Endeavor for those he killed and his uncaring behavior towards those that suffered his same trauma.

As some argued, during the war Touya is shown as an ensemble of Endeavor’s worst traits, which is important as it signifies that his behavior originates from the way Endeavor raised him. 

Now, onto Shouto.

Shouto, who we’ve seen being on the fence when it comes to forgiving Endeavor, actually seems to be trying to empathize with Touya during their fight, various times, really, as can be seen by his expressions. He also takes it upon himself to stop Touya before his family reunites in the hospital and opt to stop Touya together, with Endeavor and Shouto as the focal point.

Sorry  I have to go.

I will finish this tomorrow I swear-- 

EDIT: Expect this to be over tonight. I'm currently busy.

EDIT: I'll reblog this and complete it later.

EDIT:

Here we are once more. Sorry for making you guys wait.

As I was saying...

After Shoto extends his hand to his father in the hospital, and some months (I don’t remember how many, sry) after the press conference where the Top 3 spoke to the public, the Top Three throw themselves after Midoriya, that as abandoned UA, trying to track AFO and his followers down.

And Shouto...well, he isn’t happy, much like the rest of Class 1A: they are majorly upset and preoccupied because Midoriya is missing, but Shouto is also angered by the fact that his father is following Midoriya around instead of concentrating on how to convince Touya to stop hurting himself and others and thus STOP/SAVE HIM. This is what, presumably, Shouto and Endeavor’s goal is regarding to Touya: stop him from being hurt and hurting others with his flames, which will save him and give them a chance to repair the strained relationship.

Endeavor, Hawks and Best Jeanist’s mission to follow and support Midoriya in the meanwhile is failing splendidly: they endeavored (I’mnotsorryforthepun) in this mission because they wanted to compensate the lowering number of heroes active, hunt down villains and find AFO at the same time, all by profiting from Midoriya’s Danger Sense ability. The plan di per se wasn’t that bad, but Midoriya was going too fast for even Hawks, the fastest hero, to follow him; a reminder of why: Midoriya has a lot more Quirks than the top 3, and he was way more desperate than them to find AFO, trust me...the heroes, that also started to include Mt.Lady, Edgeshot, Kamui Woods and others, try to support him from the sidelines, but they are, at the same time, becoming a burden to Midoriya, as Endeavor recognizes before entering UA in chapter 325.

Also, the students mentored by the top 3 try to reach out to them like crazy, because they want to know what the fudge they’re doing and where Midoriya is: Tokoyami called Hawks, Bakugou tried to contact Best Jeanist and Shouto called Endeavor, without receiving exhaustive answers. Endeavor, in particular, doesn’t really want to sideline Shouto, after all they’ve been through, but when he missed the call, he was probably also feeling uncertain on how to deal with Touya, while at the same time worriyng on how to stop AFO and make sure the chaos the country is in doesn’t become worse. When he’s called to UA by Nezu and played a trick by the students who have now started figuring things out, he receives a wake-up call by his son.

Shouto makes him notice how they had told each other they’d stop Touya together, but Endeavor had sidelined him and took it upon himself to find his eldest son and Shouto’s older brother, all while making an exception for Midoriya. I don’t think Shouto didn’t understand his father was also trying to find AFO, but he also didn’t want Endeavor to ditch him and instead wanted to be included. Endeavor seems to slowly understand that the plan he and the other top heroes were following REALLY wasn’t going for the best, thanks not only to Shouto’s wake up call but to Bakugou’s words as well. If All Might, or Midoriya in this case, are left alone with the full weight of their responsibilities heavy on their shoulders, they are going to hurt themselves tremendously. While Endeavor thought that the plan was a good approach, Bakugou clearly says that it wasn’t the best one. Endeavor gives up his phone and looks to be reflecting on many things.

When the class works together to help Midoriya and bring him back to UA, he finally realizes that letting the kids convince Deku was a good idea and tells his colleagues not to intervene, for the students are dealing with it just fine.

We later see him out of the UA barrier with Hawks and Shouto, listening to the citizens screaming at Midoriya to stay away, scared for their safety and mistrustful towards the heroes; not even Best Jeanist and Present Mic can keep them calm. Shouto is super frustrated: he would love to go amidst the civilians and protect Midoriya form their accusations, “put them at ease” like his original heroic goal was. The circumstances, however, don’t seem to be his allies; he still looks extremely relieved when Uraraka takes the megaphone and finally convinces the citizens.

And, here we are to the last actual moment of the STOPPING TOUYA TO SAVE HIM narrative: Endeavor, after recognizing what exactly was wrong with the top 3 plan, looks a bit shocked when Shouto addresses him as “father”. He also look very...sad, somehow: sorry that things aren’t working out as well as he’d have hoped them to go, and that the Touya situation is still unresolved. Shouto extends a hand to him again, by saying that this time they’ll save Touya together. The thought of Dabi’s haunting eyes crosses both of them. Endeavor is probably still afraid that stopping Touya may be a burden too heavy for Shouto when he says, his face a bit obscured, “yes”.

THEORY TIME!

The narration seems to be headed towards the redemption of Shigaraki, Toga, Dabi, Endeavor and mayyyyyybe Overhaul. We know that Shigaraki’s saviour may be Midoriya, Toga’s will be Uraraka, and Overhaul’s rademtion’s factor will mainly be if Eri wants to forgive him.

Endeavor’s redemption’s weight depends on how efficient he actually is at saving Touya at this point and Dabi’s redemption will probably happen thanks to Shouto with contribution from Endeavor. To resume: Endeavor and Touya’s redemption are tied to each other, and Shouto is fundamental to help them both.

How could Hori bring forth Endeavor’s redemption without screwing over Dabi’s redemption, and not screw Endeavor’s redemtion at the same time? I’ll be focusing on Endeavor and dabi here, because I really don’t know how the dialogue between Shouto may be written.

I have no clue. Sorry I don’t. There are some viable options, like Endeavor gets kidnapped or fatally wounded while he fights Dabi because AFO is also there, and could ultimately steal his Quirk. In this case, Endeavor could be alone or with Shouto.

There is also the option in which Endeavor dies while trying to stop Touya from burning up, while recognizing his mistakes, validating Touya’s harsh feelings and accepting to burn in hell.

Frick, they could both die as they burn up, both recognizing the wrong in their ways, but it wouldn’t be really satisfying now would it?  

There are so many outcomes possible, but with everyone of them i feel like something is missing. I also feel like I’m the only one that wouldn’t find Endeavor’s death outrageous because “it’s sweeping things under the rug”, or counterproductive because “it would suck for Endeavor’s redemption arc, because everyone is tired of the redemption-by-death trope”.

Endeavor’s death could actually be the best moment of his redemption arc and what makes it truly valuable, depending on how well it is written. Maybe Endeavor isn’t sitting at that table in his dream because he died, and his death actually helped his family heal and smile, because while he had changed his views in the year before his death, it’s still relieving to be free from his presence. However, Touya isn’t present at the table as well, so really...the conclusion to both of their arcs could be anything. Some may say that making Dabi die would be wrong on an ethical standpoint: yet another victim’s death, that makes victims in the real world think there is no hope out of difficult situations; yet another unfair death, because abusers deserve death and not their victims.

Let me tell you why, exactly, I think, neither of their deaths would be useful; you are free to disagree.

Endeavor’s, Touya’s or both their deaths could make the future of the Todofam very traumatic, because the family wouldn’t really manage to find proper closure.

Which is why I don’t think Endeavor or Dabi will or should die, but they will both live with consequences: maybe Endeavor will lose his Quirk, and Touya may turn on AFO and protect Shouto.

I don’t know, honestly.

Plz. help.

All I know is that Horikoshi will surely try to make the outcomes as emotional and epic as ever, so I hope I won’t be disappointed, because so far I’ve been on board with seeing where Endeavor and Touya’s journey may bring them

Anxiously waiting for the next episode, and end of this volume.

[sanguine-inkwell]

thank you so much mod smoke i appreciate it a lot!! i'm interested to hear your personal theory on vampirism your mentioned in a recent post if it's not too much trouble? if not that's ok too

Happy I could help! My brain is currently fried after a semester of classes, but I can give you the sparknotes version based on my experience as a sang.

I should probably preface this: TW for mentions of abuse, analogy featuring drug abuse, sexual assault, descriptions of starving behavior.

When you look at most vampire servers, as a general sample, it quickly becomes apparent that the main topic is donors. Articles on donor abuse, how to find donors, contracts between the donor and vampire for safety purposes, commiserating together about the lack of donors, vent posts about the urge to rip and tear and nights so bad where all you can do is lay in bed yearning for blood.

To put that into perspective, it’s very different from the BDSM community- I don’t see a lot of people being abjectly miserable about the lack of partners. What it does look like to me is addicts looking for their next fix. Purely objectively speaking, there is no evidence that blood itself has any particular quality except for iron that might be useful if you have a deficiency. And we’re not actually a subspecies. Which means we are humans who need the blood of other humans with the same intensity as a drug addict. What is very interesting is that these cravings happen before we ever get our first taste, by and large. It’s not something about the blood itself, it’s about us, but it doesn’t make sense to me for that need to be purely biological.

I did my research a long time ago, so I’m open to being corrected here, but serial cannibals seem to have a preferred type that is definitely related to their sexual preferences. Albert Fish, Andre Chikatilo, Jeffrey Dahmer. They typically ate their victims after assaulting them. Freud would have a goddamn field day with Armin Meiwes. As morally hideous as their actions were, the implications surrounding the urge to repeatedly consume other human beings did get me thinking.

Power is a large factor, I think, especially given the general attitudes of the vampire community at large. The desire for control over your immediate surroundings. There’s the allure of the taboo- a lot of people seem to adopt the vaguely Satanic aesthetic as part of the lifestyle, or become Satanists themselves, which can never be fully separated from its origins as a reaction to the mainstream monoculture of Christianity. But I think fundamentally there’s something in other people that we want- nonsexual intimacy, or sexual intimacy, trust, power, physical contact. Skin hunger is a very real thing. We need other people, just like astronauts need plants on the ISS. It’s part of what keeps us sane. And the longer we go without, the longer we feel isolated in abusive homes or the ostracizing nightmare of high school/the capitalist hellscape, the more weird and queer and niche we are, the more we hunger for someone to meet us there in the dark. We might even get angry about it, fuck yearning, want to rip and take and sate that abandonment’s hunger by force.

Sometimes, when you can’t have food, you’ll go through the motions of eating just to feel like you’ve satisfied the beast. Chewing on a fork, your own hand, eating paper. Even after leaving that situation, the habits still may persist as your first response to hunger, if you can even recognize it’s hunger at all. Who’s to say we don’t do the same thing with loneliness?

That’s not even getting into the topic of pica, the desire to be seen as “suffering enough”, or grandiose escapist fantasies as a way to handle trauma, but. It’s something I think about.

-Mod Smoke

[normal-thoughts-official]

When/how do you think Ragnor and Catrina realized camille was being abusive towards Magnus?

Btw, I love u❤

fantastic question anon, i love YOU! i think that depends on a couple of factors. i think people who have already been or know people who have been in an abusive relationship are more likely to notice the warning signs, and/or to interpret stuff like the person pulling away as a sign of abuse. whereas people who haven't lived through it and aren't informed on it might not even realize what's going on until before it's over, and even be angry

so because we live in a hell world and catarina is a black woman, i think she is more likely to notice the warning signs than ragnor is, because black women are more likely to be in abusive relationships than white men. i'm not saying catarina herself has been in an abusive relationship necessarily but presumably her family has plenty of black women and she's also more likely to also be friends with other woc and marginalized ppl than ragnor is because again, hell world. so she has a higher chance of having been in a similar position before, although of course that's no set in stone rule and ragnor's circle of friends does seem to have a lot of marginalized ppl (and i hc him as aroace which makes him queer which puts him in an entirely different position than a straight white man and probably means something about the relationships he builds, but anyway) BUT my point is, i think catarina is more likely to notice earlier

i think ragnor is pretty perceptive tho, and also that they are pretty close and talk a lot, so i think once catarina noticed she would have talked to ragnor, and it wouldn't take ragnor long to realize that she was right

so okay when would they notice? i think that's always a slow process but i'm pretty sure their suspicions would first arise when magnus started to ditch them and stuff like parties and outings because of camille. first of all, i don't think that's like magnus at all, and second of all, there is an obvious difference between "i'm in the honeymoon phase" and "sorry, i don't think it's a good idea, my partner might not like it" or even "yeah! that sounds great!... just let me ask my partner about it". big difference

so that already has catarina in particular very wary of her because magnus is not the kind to ditch his friends because of a partner and the way he's acting about this is weird. so, she decides to keep an eye and maybe even put this to the test by making a surprise visit and invite him to a party like, right then doijadiosaj and she takes him out and she notices that magnus is Out Of It and he seems even a little... tense and scared and almost paranoid. and like, this is relatively at the beginning of their relationship so she wouldn't have been Horrible about it yet but at the beginning the person expresses enough control and discomfort with these things for you to be kind of uncomfortable even if you don't really realize that it's because you're Scared Of Hurting Your Parner

so THAT gets catarina really worried, because if magnus can't relax because he's afraid of camille's reaction, and worse, if he doesn't REALIZE that's why, that's the reddest a flag can get in such an early stage of their relationship. she tries to talk to magnus about it but magnus is the king of deflecting and basically waves her worries off. which just makes her more worried, but what is she supposed to do? she knows that pushing will only makes things worse and make it easier for camille to turn magnus against her and cut their ties. so, she lets it go and pretends that she buys his excuses. that's probably when she also talks to ragnor. ragnor probably had noticed that something was off but he hadn't really thought that it would be something super bad, and i think he'd still have his doubts about it, but well, he has that on the back of his mind now. and besides, he trusts catarina's judgement and he can admit when she is more qualified than him to assess something. it's why their relationship works

the first time they say anything is probably when magnus tells him about some fight they've had. probably because magnus told camille that he was upset about something she did - like idk, making fun of him in public about a topic that's sensitive to him. and like magnus wasn't even mad at her, he had never mentioned that whatever joke she made was off limits or related to a sensitive topic, he just wanted to communicate and let her know that it had hurt him, and she pretty much Exploded at him. and somehow turned it all around so it was magnus' fault for accusing her of trying to hurt him on purpose when that's not what magnus did, and now magnus pretty much wanted advice on how to apologize and let her know that he loves her

so catarina and ragnor try to subtly poke holes in her logic and show him that he has nothing to apologize for, without straight up being like "she's manipulating you" because Kids, That Does Not Go Well. and it makes magnus... heartbreakingly confused in that way abused people get when the logic they have been being shoved under shows cracks that would mean something too awful to even imagine

and catarina is a fucking wreck because at this point, she is sure of it and it makes her relive... so much trauma of other people she's seen go through that and lost and/or her own relationships if you want to go with that. and she doesn't want to lose magnus or have magnus go through that but she doesn't know what to do and she KNOWS that next step is magnus pulling away from her and ragnor no matter how careful she is

she probably gets the rare Comforting Hug from ragnor once magnus leaves and she also talks to dot and maybe elias? you know, their other friends. and they have a Catarina Comforting Day and hear her stories and cuddle and you know, try to make her feel better. and eventually they try to devise some kind of game plan so they can try to help magnus get out of this

it all goes to shit of course when they have the rare outing with camille, and camille is Obviously Refusing To Interact With Them If She Can Avoid It which is classic abuse thing - sure, i'll go see your friends, but you have to choose between interacting with them and me, so really you don't actually get to see with your friends because you'll feel bad that i'm isolated and eventually seeing your friends will feel either pointless or nervewracking cuz it feels like juggling your relationships. and if you want to see them without me i am going to act like you have something to hide and i'm a victim

anyway! so they notice that and they try to undermine that tactic by, you know, interacting with her a lot. so camille switches it up and tries to pick up a fight, and lo and behold, she succeeds - i know ragnor doesn't look like the kind of guy who loses his temper easily but i think when you push his buttons he is VERY bad at hiding it and half a snappy comment is all camille needs to lash out at him and play the victim. she's good

so that's when their plan gets fucked and everything goes to hell because then it's just too easy for camille to isolate magnus from his friends with really just a few tweaks to the previous tactic i mentioned - "are you really picking them over me, magnus? you're gonna keep hanging out with them when they are so rude to me, probably tell you all sorts of things about me, try to get you to break up with me? can't you see how manipulative they are? how they're trying to turn you against me? why do you insist so much on seeing them when you know how much that hurts me?"

and done

catarina and ragnor probably fight after that because god DAMN it, she fucking tOLD him that they had to be careful! and she's been swallowing all kinds of shitty comments from her but ragnor just had to fucking lose it at the first provocation, didn't he? and god knows how long it'd take for them to reach him after that, because camille is already preemptively making him think that they are trying to manipulate him to break up with her out of jealousy so he won't listen to anything they say directly. and she's right, of course, and ragnor is out of his depth and doesn't UNDERSTAND how these things go and how much this slip up will affect them in the future

i like to think that ragnor apologizes to her and catarina probably... has a breakdown because fuck she is worried and she is reliving way too many nightmares here. and ragnor is actually very tender and hugs her and apologizes and kisses her forehead and tells her that he's going to fix it. and he actually swallows his pride and apologizes to camille just to try and turn this thing around, but, well. the damage is done. and really, there is only so much friends can do when dealing with something like this. at the end of the day, they did all they could

and from then on they try their best to be there for him and pull magnus out of the camille-created isolation, but there's only so much they can do, and it's up to magnus to notice and get help to get rid with her. they'll always try to be his support system, but well. it's hard

and of course eventually magnus does get rid of her claws and catarina, ragnor, dot, elias etc., are all there for him when he does. and he probably feels guilty because he pushed them away but really they are just so RELIEVED that he's finally free of her. and him and catarina probably get a teary hug full of apologies for things that aren't their fault, and they try to make up for lost time by spending as much time as possible together now. especially because i think that it also hurts catarina to have her friends pull away - she obviously yearns for family, for closeness, i don't think she does well with people pulling away from her, she wants the kind of closeness that comes from routine and she used to have that with magnus and the rest of the immortal squad, you know? and magnus knows that, so, he tries to compensate

and eventually they start to heal their relationships, but magnus still has a long way to heal himself, but well. he'll get there. they are together and all