#and it has more meaning if they die.... we cannot end another season without the main characters best friend just bc their death hits better

[hauntingblue]

Why is this flashback happening now... whi is it centered on mista.... do not kill him too please..... I do not care that much about him but Jesus christ....

[stevie-petey]

episode eight: the upside down

You know you shouldn’t, but you laugh. Honestly, after everything you’ve been through tonight with Steve, how can he possibly think the two of you aren’t friends? “Why are you laughing?” Steve mumbles, confused.  “Sorry,” you wheeze out, still uncontrollably laughing. “It’s just–I mean, dude! We almost died together, of course we’re friends now!” “We are?” He looks like a little kid on Christmas day being given the gift he’s always wanted. Your heart warms. “Yes, idiot.”

summary: drinking game time ! take a shot every time jonathan tries ditching you or every time you almost die at the byers house, you find out that steve really is an athlete and tbh it's hot, but you know what's even hotter ? saving hawkins and reaching a tentative compromise with steve after he loans you $5 for snacks. after, jonathan makes a promise you really hope he can keep.

rating: general, cursing and slight scary violence

warnings: violence, use of fire and weapons, guns, use of fem!reader and use of y/n, slight mentions of blood and death

words: 13.7k

before you swing in: the final chapter ,,, my heart </3 please enjoy my child, i put so much into this chapter. action scenes scare me, they're hard and i'm weak, so i hope this lives up to everything you guys wanted n more ;) i cannot believe we're at the end (but i do have another chapter planned that's set in season 1, so shhhh). thank you so so so much for all your support. i never thought this silly lil fic would get that much attention, but i'm insanely flattered and grateful for each and every one of y'all. i'm so proud of what i've created and you guys are my beloveds ,,, anyways, enjoy !!!

-

You almost miss Jonathan and Nancy sneaking off. 

You had been explaining a comic book that had been in your bag to El when you noticed a shift in your periphery. Turning your head, you see Jonathan stand, offer Nancy his hand to help her up, and then walk towards the main doors together. 

What the fuck. 

“They wouldn’t dare…” You excuse yourself and run out the gym and into the hallway to follow them, absolutely furious. You’re so sick of their bullshit, of Jonathan’s bullshit and putting Nancy first. This isn’t even a petty jealousy thing, this is about the years of friendship between the two of you that has just suddenly disappeared within a damn week all due to circumstances completely out of your control. 

The slam of the main door is the only warning Jonathan gets before you’re yanking him by his coat and flinging him back, forcing him to look at you. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

You’ve never, ever yelled at him like this before. Not even earlier this week when he’d given you that bullshit apology after screaming at you for being in his room, for saying the two of you weren’t family. You didn’t yell at him for hiding Nancy’s pictures from you, for going off without you to find the monster. Despite everything, you’ve never been this cruel to him, even if he may have deserved it at times.

Jonathan’s wide eyes stare down at your hand that’s still clutched around his coat, frightened. “Bug, we were just–”

“Just what? Sneaking off without me?”

“It’s not like that, Y/N.” Nancy now steps in, her hands held up as if you’re some rabid dog she wants to calm down. “We just figured we’d help Joyce and Hopper.”

“‘We’? Are you fucking kidding me? You two talked about this, had an entire conversation, and still somehow came to the conclusion that ditching me was a great fucking idea?” You scoff, deeply hurt by the fact that the two of them had an entire conversation without thinking to include you in it. 

“Bug, can we talk about this one on one?” Jonathan asks, his voice lowered. You can see the genuine upset in his eyes and for a moment your grip on him lessens, but then you see Nancy behind him and your anger only returns. 

“No, we can discuss this right here.” 

He sighs and tries to grab the hand not clutching his coat, but you slap it away. “Bug–”

“You’ve lost that privilege.” 

“Bug–I mean, Y/N,” His voice falters. “Look, my mom and Hopper are out there right now trying to find Will while that monster is still out. Nance and I… We want to finish what we started.” 

“Without me?” You don’t mean for it to happen, but your voice catches at the end.

Jonathan’s gaze softens and this time he succeeds in grabbing your hand. You let go of him and allow him to pull you in, weak against him as always. “I’m doing this to protect them, to protect you, Y/N. I’m always trying to protect you. You know that, right?”

You used to think that you did, but now? You’re not so sure, and it terrifies you. 

Nancy has stepped away from the conversation, now kicking at rocks while you’re with Jonathan, and you can’t help but think about how wrong all of this feels. 

Throughout this entire week it’s felt like someone has given you a photo of Jonathan, smeared its lines and edges, removed his moles and his crooked smile and made it neater, altered so that if you squint you can see the boy you grew up with underneath it all… But it’s fuzzy, almost too unclear to really see. 

Now he’s standing in front of you, his smile once more crooked and cunning and his moles faded underneath the moonlight and for a second you can see him. There he is, clear and untouched and him in a way that’s never quite been yours.

“I know,” you tell him. “But how many more times do you expect me to forgive you for lying and ditching me? If you want to protect me, you need to talk to me.”

Jonathan winces. “I know, I know it sounds stupid and I know I’ve fucked up more than enough this week, I just get caught up in wanting to make sure you’re safe. It’d kill me if I let anything happen to you… I just, I can’t lose you, bug.”

“So pushing me away is your grand plan of keeping me?”

“I’ve always been an idiot.” He manages a smile, and you can’t help but laugh. 

“That’s true, but if you attempt to ditch me one more time I swear to god I’ll pour tar all over your car.”

The boy laughs and for a brief moment everything feels okay again, but it doesn’t last very long. “In our defense, we figured you’d be better off with the kids since you’re not really a fighter, ya know?” 

You drop his hand. “Excuse me?” 

Jonathan’s smile is gone. “What?”

“I’m not really a fighter? You’re kidding, right?”

“Hey, no I didn’t mean it like that–” Jonathan fumbles over his words, clearly taken aback by your sudden mood change. 

You step away from him. “How many times did I defend you against Lonnie? Better yet, remind me how we became friends in the first place. Wasn’t it because I threw milk at a bunch of idiots bullying you? Huh?”

“Y/N–”

“God, I can’t believe I almost let you get away with it again! I mean, do you even hear the bullshit that comes out of your mouth?” You deepen your voice, now doing a poor impersonation of him. “‘Hey, bug! You know I love you, right? Cool! Now, I’m gonna go do fuck all and ignore you and ditch you and then somehow turn it into me being a good guy because duh! I can never do any wrong!’”

“Please, just–”

“Did I get it right? It was a pretty good impersonation in my opinion. I mean, I am the one who has had to deal with this shit all fucking week. I think I'm an expert on this topic now.” 

Jonathan looks pained but you don’t fucking care anymore. You’ve reached your limit, you’re sick and tired of being treated like some delicate creature that’s incapable of taking care of itself. You literally slapped Tommy Hagan this afternoon in order to help Jonathan, yet here he is basically calling you weak. 

And yet Nancy is the fighter. She’s the one who gets to go along on the adventure while you’re sidelined because for some damn reason you’re always the second option. Never taking matters into your own hands, always the one left behind to clean up the mess and take care of those also discarded. 

You’re sick of it. 

You step closer to Jonathan again, so that you’re nose to nose, and whisper, “I’m tired of never being good enough.” 

And with that, you reach into his coat and snatch up his keys, a game you’ve always played with him but now has turned into a bitter taste in your mouth, and run back into the gym. Someone has to inform the kids of the plan, make sure they’ll be okay on their own. 

Dustin sees you approach and smiles, but when he notices the angry pace in your steps, he frowns. “Uh oh.”

“Yeah, uh oh.” 

“Jonathan again?”

You nod, still too angry to trust your words. “Yeah.” 

He notices the keys in your hand. “Where are you going?”

Mike and Lucas look over now, curious as to what’s happening. 

You sigh. “I’m going with Nancy and Jonathan to the Byers house, we’re going to kill the monster.” 

“Why the hell are you going?” Dustin exclaims while Mike shoutes “sick!” and Lucas mumbles “great, alone again”. El remains quiet, still resting. 

You flick your brother’s hat. “I have to, Dustin.”

“For Jonathan?” He shakes his head. “I like him, but aren’t you mad at him right now?”

“Is it just me, or is she always mad at him these days?” Mike whispers over to Lucas, who simply shrugs. 

“Girls, man.” 

You ignore them and focus on Dustin. “It doesn’t matter. He needs my help, and no one in the party gets left behind. Remember?”

“Y/N–”

“I love you,” you kiss the top of his head. “I promise I’ll be safe, just be careful, okay? I’m putting you in charge, so don’t let me down. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll see you in a few hours tops!”

Dustin tries to argue some more, but you quickly run back outside before he can get another word in. You feel horrible leaving him behind, but you know this is the right decision. If you can kill the monster, there’s less of a chance of the kids or Joyce and Hopper getting hurt. Jonathan and Nancy may be fine on their own, but there’s always power in numbers and they’ll need all the help they can get. 

You just… you have to help. You know this is what you’re supposed to be doing, even if it pains you to do so. Dustin and the kids are smart; as long as they stay at the school, they’ll be fine. 

In theory, that is.

Nancy and Jonathan are waiting for you outside. You push past them and march towards Jonathan’s care; they awkwardly follow after you. You unlock it, throw yourself into the backseat, and promptly dig through your backpack to make sure you have everything. 

The two teens get in a few minutes after you. Not one word is spoken as Jonathan starts the car and the three of you drive off, leaving Hawkins Middle behind. 

– 

You thought the car ride with Nancy and Jonathan from the funeral home had been tense, but this one? Downright painful. 

Jonathan has a tight grip on the steering wheel and keeps trying to catch your eye through the rearview mirror but you avoid his gaze. You’ve spent the last five minutes arranging and rearranging your backpack to give you something to do while Nancy has tried three times to make conversation to make this car ride bearable. 

“El seems nice.” 

“You said four words to her, Nancy.” You retort, switching open your switchblade once more to watch the moonlight dance off of its blades. 

“Right.” 

Nancy shifts uncomfortably in the passenger seat. You know she realizes she’s once again upset the balance in your relationship with Jonathan. It was only an hour ago that she tried getting you to admit your feelings for him before convincing the boy to up and leave you. Sure, Jonathan made his own decision in the end, but damn. She could’ve at least pretended to want you around. 

She notices your knives and tries to spark conversation again. “I love the color of the handle, it’s beautiful.” 

“Thanks,” you switch the blades closed and sit up in your seat. “Anyways, you geniuses have a plan or were you just counting on ditching me and winging it from there?”

“Y/N–”

“No, Nancy. I insist, let’s talk about a plan. We’re here to kill a monster, right?”

She closes her mouth and frowns, turning to Jonathan for help, but he’s no use. He’s busy tapping his fingers against the wheel and praying that the world will just swallow him up whole. Too bad for him you’re a stubborn pain in the ass and would simply pluck him back up so you can torture him some more. 

Nancy sighs. “Well, Jonathan and I were thinking we use the supplies we got earlier and lure the monster to his place, then we kill it.” 

“Awesome plan, guys!” You say, your voice dripping with sickly sweetness that leaves them both feeling even more uncomfortable. “But may I suggest some actual details or shall we just bank off of this wonderfully dull and vague plan?” 

“Sure, Y/N. Tell us what you had in mind.” Nancy rubs her face tiredly, knowing she deserves this. 

“Great! I’m assuming we’re luring the monster with blood?” They nod at you, so you continue. “Okay, so before we lure it I think we should completely booby-trap Jonathan’s house. Nail the bear trap down onto the floor, make sure the floor is cleared of anything that could trip us up. Then, once we’ve got the house secured, we knick ourselves to draw some blood and pray to whatever god is up there that we can kill the thing.” 

You pause for a moment, remembering how all the Christmas lights had been unscrewed by Joyce earlier. “The lights, we need to fix them. The monster communicates through the lights so if we have them, then we can track it.”

“That all sounds great, bug.” Jonathan finally speaks up, ass kissing. 

“Thanks, pal. Still don’t have the bug privilege back, but I’m sure you simply forgot.” 

He gulps, once more going back to being silent as he drives you and Nancy to his house. 

Nancy again tries to diffuse the tension. “How do we even kill the monster though? I mean, will my bullets be enough?”

“I have this idea, but it’s… well, it’s out there.” You bite your lip, now feeling your cocky demeanor slipping. “If we can safely set fire to it, I think that’s our best bet.”

“Fire?” Jonathan exclaims, but Nancy shushes him. 

“I think you’re right.” 

“Y/N, I know you’re mad at me but do we really have to set fire to my house–”

Now it’s your turn to shush Jonathan. “This isn’t about that. I wouldn’t burn your house down, I already told you I’d just pour tar on your car whenever I get the chance. For now, I really do think the best thing to do is burn the monster alive. In every horror movie and book, fire always gets the job done.” 

Despite herself, Nancy lets out a soft chuckle as Jonathan parks the car, now at his house. “She’s right, Jonathan. And who burns down houses these days? Tar really is the best form of revenge.” 

“I’m flattered, Wheeler. At the rate you’re going, you’ll be off my shitlist in no time.” You tell her, patting her on the shoulder before getting out of the car. You quickly open up the trunk and gather the monster hunting supplies while Jonathan and Nancy take their time getting out. 

You let yourself into the Byers home using your own key to the place. It’s been nestled in between the key to your house and the spare key to Jonathan’s car on your keychain for a few years now. 

The first thing you get started on are the lights. There’s hundreds of them to get through, but you drop your supplies and begin screwing them in one by one. Nancy and Jonathan come in soon after and silently begin to help. 

No conversation is made besides the necessary comments about the prep work. You’re all too focused on the possibility of what could happen next; the danger of the situation has finally set in. After the lights have all been fixed, you instruct Jonathan to begin nailing the bear trap down while you and Nancy discuss where to pour the gasoline. You both agree to make a path from the living room to Will’s room. 

As Nancy pours the gasoline, you follow behind her and pick up any flammables. You weren't lying to Jonathan earlier, you really don’t want to burn his house down. While the house is wrecked, it’s still a home despite everything that’s happened in it. You practically grew up within its walls, you’d do anything to keep it as protected as possible. 

When you’re done, you watch Nancy load her gun. A shiver runs down our spine; she looks at ease with it, which you figure should be reassuring, but the gravity of everything leaves you feeling on edge. You leave her alone and walk into the kitchen where Jonathan is, now hammering a ton of nails into his bat. 

You begin to sharpen your blades next to him, still finding that you only feel secure by his side. The rhythmic sound of his hammering calms you, in a sense. It serves as a distraction. You know you insisted on coming, you don’t regret it and you know you’re stronger than everyone seems to give you credit for, but you’re also terrified. This isn’t just some adventure in the woods; this could kill the ones you love dearly. 

Once you’re both done preparing your weapons, the two of you walk to Will’s room and rig up a simple snare. Jonathan grabs a yo-yo and you pull up a chair to set it on. The idea is that when the string gets pulled, it’ll alert you that the monster has sprung the bear trap. It’s not the most efficient warning system, but it’ll have to do. 

The last thing to do is set the bear trap, which takes all three of you to achieve. Jonathan and Nancy hold down the edges with their body weight and you very carefully set the trap with your hand. You shake a bit as you do so, but you force your nerves down. You remind yourself that Jonathan thinks you’re too weak, too cowardly, you have to prove him wrong. 

When the bear trap clicks into place, you let out a harsh exhale and sink against the wall, your heart still pounding. Jonathan and Nancy copy you and the three of you sit in silence. You’re still shaking a bit, and Jonathan is next to you just as tense, but for the first time since you’ve met him you can’t reach out to grab his hand to steady yourself. He’s too far, both literally and figuratively. Even with him next to you, you couldn’t be more far apart. 

In the back of your mind, you hope the kids are alright. Hopefully they’re having a better night than you currently are. 

“C’mon,” you say after a few minutes, getting up to walk over to the living room. “We’ve done all we can, now we just have to draw some blood and be the prettiest bait in Hawkins.”

– 

Nancy and Jonathan decide to cut the palm of their hands, but you respectfully would rather die than have a matching scar with them. The idea makes you so uncomfortable you visibly cringe when Jonathan tells you the idea. “Yeah, no thanks. I think I’ll find somewhere else to cut.” 

He looks hurt by what you’ve said but doesn’t voice it. Instead, the three of you stand in the living room in a triangle facing each other and he begins reciting the plan. “Remember…”

Nancy goes first. “Straight into Will’s room and–” 

“Don’t step on the trap.” You finish.

Jonathan nods. “And then?”

“Wait for the yo-yo to move.” The girl says. 

“Then…” Jonathan flicks the lighter on.

You whistle low. “Let there be light…” 

“Right. Light.” The boy nods again. “Alright, we ready?”

“Ready.”

“Scar time.” 

Jonathan and Nancy bring their hands up and place their knives flat against their palms. You roll up your sleeve and place your own knife against the upper part of your arm, just below your shoulder, and take a deep breath. 

“On three,” Jonathan says. He begins counting and you all can’t seem to stop shaking. He senses your unease and looks up at you and Nancy. “You guys don’t have to do this.”

Nancy glares at him, her own voice shaky. “Jonathan, stop talking.”

You nod. “Yeah, what she said.”

Jonathan tries to argue, but Nancy squeezes her eyes shut and yells, “Three!”

You close your own eyes and slice at your arm, the pain immediate. You gasp out, never having been good with pain, but you know you have to do this for Will. The blood trails down your arm, dripping from your elbow onto the ground, and you watch as blood from Jonathan’s and Nancy’s own cuts falls onto the ground too. 

Well, at least it’ll be an easy scar to hide compared to theirs. 

“Fuck, that stings.” You say to break the silence, and Nancy nods her head in agreement. 

“Not the most pleasant feeling.” 

Jonathan guides the two of you over to the couch and grabs the first aid kit that you had prepared on the coffee table. He sits in the middle, leaving room for both you and Nancy on each side of him, but you’re still pissed at him and opt to sit on the floor in front of the couch.

Nancy begins to patch up his wound, and it takes everything within you not to reach over and help him yourself. It feels unnatural to watch someone else taking care of him, but the space between you still feels too vast to cross. 

You patch up your own cut while the two of them talk quietly. You wind a bandage tight around your arm, ensuring you won’t bleed through, and Jonathan watches above you with guilt in his eyes. Nancy is trying to reassure him that everything will be okay, but as he watches you struggle to tie the bandage he wonders if he’s fucked up more than just your friendship.

“Bug, let me help with that.” He leans down and ties your bandage before you can stop him. 

You glare at him, still having not said anything to Jonathan besides what was needed for preparation. Nancy distracts herself by cleaning up around his cut and your stomach twists into knots. This is all so miserable. 

“Y/N, I know you’re upset with me and you can go whenever. I won’t blame you, you’ve done enough for me.” Jonathan says, trying to catch your eye. 

You turn away and inspect your bandage, still reeling over the fact that he tied it for you. “I’m here for Will, and only Will.”

“Y/N…” There’s a hurt in his voice that almost makes you turn around to throw your arms around his neck and whisper a million apologies to him. To tell him everything, that you love him and that you’d do anything for him and that’s why you’re so terrified of how you feel. You know you’d burn yourself up if it meant he’d be taken care of, if it meant he was safe and happy and far away from anything that could harm him. You know you’d use up everything within you to love him. 

Instead, you remain silent.

After getting no response from you, Jonathan clears his throat and begins to say something about how the lights will serve as an alarm for the monster, trying to pretend that everything is okay, but he’s cut off by a sudden pounding on the door.

You all jump and your fingers tighten around your switchblade, ready to open it. As your heart pounds you think of all the possible ways the plan could go wrong. When you’re on possibility number twelve, a voice calls through the door. 

“Jonathan?”

“Is that… Steve?” You say out loud, in complete disbelief. 

Steve continues to pound on the door. “Are you there, man? It’s… It’s Steve! Listen, I just wanna talk!”

You’re the first to react, standing up to run over to the door. You fling it open and step outside, making sure Steve won’t be able to see inside the house. When he sees you, he stumbles back a bit. “Henderson?”

His face is still bleeding from earlier and his hair is a mess, and yet there’s a softness to him that you haven’t seen before with him. “Steve, now isn’t really a good time.”

“Can I just talk to Jonathan real quick? I just… I want to apologize about what happened earlier, see if we can maybe–” His eyes land on your bandaged arm. You curse and roll down your sleeve, feeling like an idiot for forgetting to hide the wound before going outside. 

Steve reaches out to touch it, a hint of worry on his face and his voice is now full of concern. “Hey, are you okay?”

You shiver at his touch, it’s gentle as he skims along the bandage and inspects it for any other problems. You pull away, now hiding the wound. “It’s nothing, but you should really go.”

“I want to help you, Y/N. Do you need me to get you anything?” His face is so full of worry for you that it makes you ache. Then a thought occurs to him. “Wait, where’s Byers? Why isn’t he here to help you?”

You’re about to make up a lie, but Nancy flings the door open. “Steve, listen to me.”

He looks between the two of you in complete shock. “Okay, what–”

“You need to leave.” Nancy orders.

Steve looks at you. “I’m not trying to start anything, okay?”

“I know, but–” You get cut off by Nancy.

“I don’t care about that. You need to leave.”

Steve begins to plead with the girl and you step away a bit, not wanting to intrude. You feel bad for him, he looks so beat down by what’s happened today and you suppose that you can’t really blame him. After spending maybe a total of ten hours with Nancy and Jonathan, you also have come close to losing your mind. 

If you were with Jonathan, if you truly had him, you’d react the same as Steve. Begging for the girl he loves to listen to him, to give him another chance with the promise of him changing. 

“I just want to make things right.” Steve says, impressing you with his vulnerability. He’s openly admitting to his mistakes and taking accountability mere hours after the situation has occurred, leaving you both in awe of him and also saddened for him. He loves Nancy more than anything, you can hear it in his voice. 

He deserves better. 

As you’re thinking this, you see his eyes flicker down towards Nancy’s bandaged hand and his brows furrow. “What happened to your hand? Is that blood?” His eyes now flicker over to you again. “Why are you both hurt?”

“We’re clumsy?” You say as Nancy yanks her hand away from Steve.

“It was an accident.” She agrees. 

Steve looks between the two of you, now sensing that something else is wrong. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing!” Nancy insists, but something in Steve’s demeanor shifts. 

“Wait a second, did he do this to you? To Y/N?” His once soft voice is now filled with anger and you step in front of him. 

“Steve, it wasn’t Jonathan. You need to go, I promise I’ll explain everything later–” 

He grabs you by your side and gently moves you so that he can get past and shove through the door. Nancy yells at him to stop and tries to push him out, but she’s useless against his strength. When he manages to break in, he stumbles inside and scans over the house. 

“Shit!” You follow after him, your brain running a million miles a second trying to figure out how to explain everything to him. 

“What the fuck?” Steve mumbles, eyeing the bat with nails in it. “Y/N, what’s going on here?”

He’s looking to you for reassurance and you guess he assumes that the two of you are allies in this Jonathan and Nancy situation. You really wish you could explain, but Jonathan has grabbed him by the shoulders and is trying to push him outside. The two stumble around for a few seconds and you just helplessly watch. 

“Steve, there’s no time to explain, please just listen to Jonathan and get out of here!” You’re helping Jonathan now, trying to get Steve out the door and away from harm’s reach, but he’s still fighting back confused and lost as ever and you pity him. 

You hear a click and turn around, gasping when you see Nancy holding her gun up to Steve. “Woah, what the fuck Nancy?”

“What! What is going on?” Steve yells, now more panicked than anything else. 

While Jonathan has stepped away, you find yourself standing in front of Steve as if to somehow block the bullet. You can’t let him get hurt, he doesn’t have any part of this, he can still have a normal and happy life if he just leaves now. “Nancy, put the fucking gun down, this isn’t helping!”

Steve pleads with her as well and the two of you scream at the girl to just listen and not swing around loaded weapons, but Nancy remains firm in her stance. “You have five seconds to get out of here. I’m doing this for you.”

“Because holding a gun to his head is any better than telling him the truth?” You exclaim, entirely over the situation. 

As the four of you are arguing, the lights begin to flicker. Steve and Nancy don’t seem to notice, but you do. You look at Jonathan and say your first real words to him in hours. “Jonathan…”

He hears you and he runs over to your side, grabbing your hand as the two of you stand shoulder to shoulder. You feel your heartbeat race and you can feel him shaking beside you. He’s terrified, so are you, but his hand around yours manages to steady you. 

“Nancy!” Jonathan tries to get the girl’s attention, but she’s too busy counting down to hear him. 

He shouts at her again and the lights start to flicker more wildly and you draw your switchblade out, adrenaline coursing through you. It’s time. 

Jonathan yells once more and finally catches Nancy’s attention. “The lights!”

She whips her head around and curses, Jonathan, still tightly holding your hand, tugs you along so that you follow him as he secures his weapons and grabs the bat. “It’s here.”

“What’s here?” Steve is flailing around, utterly lost.

You all ignore him and now stand back to back in a triangle. Nancy holds up her gun, Jonathan wields his bat, and you flick your wrist to bring out your knives. “Where is it?”

“I don’t know!” 

The lights flicker rapidly and you feel overwhelmed. They were supposed to serve as a guide towards the monster, but there's no possible way to see which direction it’ll come from and for a fleeting moment you think you’ve made a huge mistake. 

Steve is still screaming, demanding answers, but you’re too busy scanning your surroundings to offer him some information. “Hello? Will someone please explain to me what the hell is going–”

The roof opens up, cutting Steve off, and you scream as the monster attempts to come down right above you. Jonathan shields you from the fallen debris and you cling onto him in utter fear. This isn’t real. This cannot be happening. 

Nancy begins to shoot at the thing while Jonathan guides you to safety. He brings you to the edge of the living room and holds your face in his hands, forcing you to really look at him for the first time all night. “Listen to me, stay here while I get Nancy.”

He kisses your forehead and then leaves, rushing over to Nancy to pull her away and guide her towards Will’s room. Steve stands next to you, frozen, and it forces you back to reality. The plan, you have to stick to the plan. 

You grab Steve’s hand and yank him so that he follows. The monster has dropped down now, a horrible creature on all fours that opens its gaping mouth to let out a horrible screech that you feel deep within your bones. This is what killed Barb. 

The four of you run to Will’s room and you only just barely have enough time to warn Steve about the bear trap. You look over your shoulder and shout, “Jump!” right as your ankle catches on its chains. 

You fall. Hard. 

Pain sears through your ankle and you try to get up, but any pressure on it sends flames through your entire body and you let out another scream. The monster catches up, looming over you, and you brace for your death. There’s no fucking way you’re getting out of this. 

You squeeze your eyes as the monster stalks close to you, its ugly mouth open and ready to kill you. Jonathan is screaming at you to get up, but Nancy is holding him back from helping. You’re relieved by this, knowing that someone has to be there for Will once this is all done. He’ll need his brother, and Nancy seems to understand this. You catch her eye and nod at her, sending a silent thank you. 

“Bug! No, let go of me! I have to help her, Nancy!” Jonathan’s voice becomes hoarse by how loud he screams, his voice breaking with fear and desperation. 

Then, right before the monster lunges at you, you feel a familiar pair of arms slide underneath your legs and pick you up. “What–”

Steve Harrington has swooped in to save you, picking you up as if you weigh nothing, ever the athlete, and swiftly jumps over the bear trap while screaming his head off. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”

You’re so delirious from the pain in your ankle and the adrenaline pumping through your veins that you can’t help but let a laugh escape you. No fucking way is any of this real. Steve Harrington is carrying you bridal style into Will’s bedroom with Jonathan and Nancy as witnesses. 

What a life. 

Once you’re both secured in the room, Steve sets you down gently right as Nancy yells at him to shut up. As soon as Steve lets go of you, Jonathan is at your side and pulls you into a crushing hug. 

“Bug.” He breathes out against your ear, relief heavy. 

“I’m okay.” You tell him, threading your fingers through his hair. He’s shaking harder than ever, and holding onto you as if he’s scared he’ll lose you again. “I’m okay, bee.” 

He pulls away and his hands are all over you, checking everywhere for any other injuries. “Did it hurt you, are you bleeding? There should be a first aid kit–”

You grab his hands and kiss his knuckles, which seems to calm him down a bit. “I’m fine, just twisted my ankle. If you help me up, I’m sure I’ll be able to stand again.” 

Jonathan quickly helps you to your feet and you lean against him for the extra support. While you put on a brave face for Jonathan, you’re terrified out of your fucking mind. You almost died. Jonathan is still holding your hand and he’s looking at you as if seeing you for the first time and you force yourself to look away. It’s the same look from the field days ago, when you thought he’d kiss you. 

You have to focus on what’s at stake.

How the hell are you guys supposed to kill this thing?

The monster screeches, breaking the moment between you and Jonathan, and he flicks his lighter on and forces you to stand behind him. Nancy holds up her gun and you bring your knives closer to your face, Steve standing weaponless behind you. 

You all wait, tense, for the monster. It stalks closer to the room, its awful growls alerting you of its proximity, but it doesn’t appear. 

“What’s it doing?” Nancy asks, frustrated. 

“I don’t know.” You respond, equally as frustrated and scared. 

Another few agonizing seconds pass, and you stare at the yo-yo and hope that it remains still. Then, the lights stop flickering and it becomes quiet. All you can hear is your blood roaring in your ears. 

Nancy looks around. “Do you hear anything?”

“No,” Jonathan shakes his head, inching closer to the door. 

“Wait!” You tug at your still interlocked hands. You pick up his bat that had been thrown on the ground and hand it to him. “Be careful. Please.”

He gives your hand one last squeeze before letting go, accepting the bat.

As Jonathan pokes his head out to see if the monster is outside, Steve bends his head down and whispers in your ear, “Romantic.”

“Shut. Up.” You hit him in the chest, fearfully watching your best friend to make sure he doesn't die. When he motions an all clear, Nancy follows him outside, then you, then Steve. 

The house is silent and your heart sinks when you see that the bear trap has been left untouched. You realize with a horrible gut wrench that the monster is smarter than the three of you had anticipated. 

So much for your plan, then.

“It’s smarter than we thought.” 

“Yeah,” Jonathan agrees with dismay. 

He stalks against the wall towards the living room and you all follow in a single file line. You do your best to stick close to the wall but you limp with every step. Your ankle is definitely out of commission for now. Great. 

All of you are on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It couldn’t have been that easy, there’s no possible way that the monster simply up and left. You enter the living room, which has gotten even more wrecked due the monster. The wallpaper has been torn off of some parts of the wall and you see papers scattered everywhere. 

“Shit…” you mumble, kicking at a shredded wallpaper strip. 

In the corner, Steve has started to hyperventilate and mumble to himself. “This is crazy, this is so crazy, this is fucking crazy.” 

You limp over to him and grab his shoulders, making him face you. “Steve, hey. It’s okay, I’m here.”

“Y/N, what the hell just happened?” 

“It’s… complicated. For now, can you trust me that everything will be okay?” 

“Of course I trust you, it’s just…” He nods, his eyes softening. You lessen your hold on him and give him a smile, he seems to be calming down. Then, he looks around the room and seemingly remembers where he is. “This is crazy!” 

Steve lunges for the phone on the wall and tries to call for help. 

You stumble after him, the pain in your ankle slowing you down. “Steve, wait–”

Nancy gets to him first, grabbing the phone out of his hand and throwing it across the room. He looks at her, shocked. “What are you doing? Are you insane?”

“It’s going to come back!” Nancy yells at him, and you wince at the way she treats him. You know Steve will only listen to her, but she could at least be nicer about the whole situation. The three of you have had some time to process everything happening, Steve was thrown into the deep end. 

“You could be a little nicer,” you mumble, and Nancy sends you a glare. You raise your hands up in surrender. “Sorry.” 

“Steve, you need to leave. Right now.”

He looks so overwhelmed and you give him a pitying look. He stares at you, reminiscent of the way he looked at you earlier in the alley, silently begging you to say something, anything, but again you can only shake your head at him. You won’t force him to stay, it wouldn’t be fair.

“Y/N, please…” He tries one more time to get you on his side, but you can’t. Frustrated by your lack of response, Steve groans. “Fuck it!” 

He runs out the door. 

You’ll admit that you’re a bit disappointed, but you also understand. Who in their right mind would stay? 

You and Nancy share a look before the lights begin to flicker again. Dread fills you. “Fuck…”

Jonathan is back by your side and he and Nancy again form a triangle with you, all your backs pressed together as you desperately try to locate the monster. You all stumble in a circle, searching for any sign of the thing, but there’s nothing. 

“Where is it?” Nancy gasps out.

“Just fucking show yourself!” You shout, just wanting this all to be over with. Your body is drained from living in a state of fear for so long. 

“Come on you son of a bitch!” Jonathan echoes your taunts. 

Suddenly the lights turn off and you’re left alone in complete darkness. Faintly you can hear the monster’s familiar growl approaching from behind you. The hair on the back of your neck stands up, the air stands still. It’s back. Before you can react, it pounces on Jonathan. 

“Jonathan!” You scream alongside Nancy. Desperation takes over you and before you can even process what’s happening, you ignore the pain in your ankle and jump onto its back, stabbing repeatedly at it. 

Your blades only bounce off of its thick skin and the monster struggles to get you off. You hold on as tight as you can, shouting and kicking at it so that it can’t hurt him, but then it opens its mouth and for a horrifying moment you’re afraid that Jonathan will die.

“No!” You scream even louder than before and double down on your effort, stabbing and slashing as much as you possibly can to try and create some damage, but your arms are starting to ache and your ankle now feels like it’s on fire. 

“Nancy, its skin is too thick!” You sob out, nearing complete exhaustion. Then, just as you’re about to collapse from exhaustion, gunshots fill the room. 

Nancy begins to shoot at the monster and with the help of your blades, the two of you manage to pierce its skin, but even then the damage is minimal. It’s not enough, it won’t be enough. Tears stream down your face and the monster only gets closer to Jonathan, so you do the only thing you can think of: you crawl onto the top of its body and stab at its mouth. 

The monster lets out a blood curdling scream and flings you off of its back. You go flying across the room and land against the wall with a groan. All the air has been knocked out of you and your ribs are definitely going to be bruised tomorrow. Every part of you aches, but you manage to lift your head up and blearily process the monster now approaching Nancy as she continues to shoot at it, but it remains unphased. 

You crawl over to Jonathan, who is still laying on the ground. He’s motionless, and you fight everything within you not to break down and sob. You have to keep going, he has to be alive. As you reach Jonathan and frantically check for a pulse, the monster has now cornered Nancy and her gun seems to be out of bullets.

It’s over. You know it is. 

Right as you’ve accepted your fate, a screaming Steve Harrington wielding Jonathan’s bat once again manages to save the day. 

He hits the monster with the bat, effectively saving Nancy and you’re so impressed with his batting skills that you almost find him attractive with how easily he hits and dodges the monster. However, you file those thoughts away for later and finally manage to wake Jonathan up. He startles with a gasp and you check over his chest, scared he may have gotten pierced by the monster’s claws. 

“I’m fine, we need to help.”

You help each other up and you have to lean heavily against him due to your ankle. You bull riding the monster has only made the sprain worse; you’re too afraid to look down and see the damage that’s been done. 

As the two of you hobble over to Nancy, Jonathan looks at you. “Is Harrington really here right now?”

“Yes.”

“Lovely.”

Steve manages to lure the monster closer and closer to the bear trap and you watch him in awe. He’s quick footed and so sure of himself, the complete opposite of the boy from only ten minutes ago who had run out of the house screaming his head off. Now, Steve is swift with his hits and even twirls the bat in his hand to show off. The small act causes you to smile despite the horrible circumstances. 

By the time you and Jonathan are up and recovered, Steve has successfully led the monster straight into the trap. It clamps around the monster’s foot and it screeches, flailing around in the trap. Steve still has his bat held up, now frantically looking over to everyone else. “He’s in the trap! He’s stuck!”

“Jonathan, now!” Nancy screams, motioning over at him to use his lighter. 

Jonathan listens, using his free hand to flick the lighter on and then drops it onto the ground, right into the trail of gasoline. Immediately the monster goes up in flames, letting out horrible noises. You all shield your faces from the flames and Jonathan pulls you closer into him, still having yet to let go of you; you feel yourself sink into his side as you watch the monster wither away.

“Bug, I have to get the fire extinguisher, do you think you can stand on your own?” Jonathan asks you, his voice soft but urgent. 

You quickly nod and brace yourself for his departure. “Yeah, go.” 

He lets go of you as gently as possible before running to grab the extinguisher. When he has it, he orders everyone to get back and then smothers the flames. It takes a couple seconds, but eventually the fire gets put out, leaving behind an awful stench that makes everyone cough and gag. 

“Holy fuck,” you wheeze out, hunched over. “Burnt monster smells horrible.” 

“Yeah, no kidding.” Steve coughs out. 

Nancy covers her face with her jacket. “Where did it go?”

“It has to be dead.” Jonathan pants against the wall, looking like he’s three seconds away from passing out. “It has to be.”

“It fucking better be dead.” You mumble, hobbling closer to see what exactly was left behind. When you get closer and see the giant lump of melted skin all over the bear trap, you gag. “Oh god. Yeah, okay. It’s dead.”

Everyone sighs with relief. 

Then, you notice a Christmas light above you flicker on. Your heart stops, terrified that the monster has somehow survived, but then a second one turns on, then a third, until a path seems to be guiding you towards the living room. 

You all follow, cautious but curious, but these lights don’t feel threatening. There’s an energy to them, a comforting one that leaves you breathless. When you get to the living room, tears form in your eyes, now understanding what this all is. You look at Jonathan, who also seems to be thinking what you are. 

It’s Joyce, you know it is. 

“Mom,” he breathes out. 

You limp over to him and grab his hand. He turns to you, his eyes shining with an appreciation that he only ever has for you. He seems to be drinking you in, as if now realizing just how close the two of you came to dying tonight. You’re doing the same, thankful that he’s alive and standing next to you despite everything. There’s so much the two of you want to say, but as always the words aren’t needed. You understand each other perfectly, the balance between you centered once more. 

You put your head on Jonathan’s shoulder and he brings his hand to your hair to softly stroke it. The two of you stand like that for a second, breathing each other in and enjoying the tenderness after such a miserable day, before you slowly break apart and follow the lights going outside. 

The porch light flickers and Nancy stands next to you, watching it with uncertainty. “Where’s it going?”

“I don’t think it’s the monster.” Jonathan tells her. 

“It’s Will.” You don’t know how you know this, or what makes you feel so certain that you’re right, but somehow you know that you are. Somewhere deep within you, you feel the faint outline of hope flicker. 

A new silence surrounds the four of you at your words, and for once there’s hope between you all. Then, after a minute or so of silence, everyone begins to head back inside. Steve first, then Nancy, and finally Jonathan, leaving you alone with the crisp early winter air.

You take a deep breath, the cold air serving as a reminder that you’re alive. You let it fill your lungs until you can’t breathe in anymore, then you release the air through an exhale and feel your body settle into its exhaustion. This is the first time you’ve had a moment to yourself, so you let the exhaustion weigh upon you like a warm blanket. 

Will is safe, you can feel it. Despite everything, he’s safe and alive. Jonathan is too, still your best friend regardless of all the unspoken words between the two of you. Dustin is at the school with the kids, away from danger. Everything is okay, it’ll be okay. 

You let the moment wash over you, incredibly grateful to be lucky enough to have survived it all. Everyone you love and hold close to you is safe. You didn’t fuck up this time. God, you did it. 

Jonathan comes running out after a while, his face alight with joy and he crashes into you and picks you up to twirl you around. You laugh, loud and freely, and bury your face in his hair as he continues. “Bee, stop! Put me down, you dummy!” 

He does as he’s told, but doesn’t let go of you once your feet are on the ground. “My mom just called, they saved Will. He–he’s in the hospital, he’s okay.” 

You squeal and throw your arms around Jonathan again, squeezing him so hard that you’re afraid you'll hurt him, but he simply laughs and squeezes you just as tight. Tears come again, but this time they’re happy ones, and if it weren’t for your ankle you’d be jumping up and down right now. 

Jonathan’s laughter dies down and he cups your chin around his fingers so that you look up at him. “You did it.” 

“We did it, bug.” You softly push against him. You can’t take all the credit. 

His eyes are shining again, you haven’t seen him this happy in so long, you get lost in it. His face is lit up and his smile is back and you’re so in love with him that it claws against your throat and threatens to spill out in excess.

A beat of silence passes and Jonathan just soaks your presence in. You can’t quite read his face, but for once this doesn’t frighten you. You enjoy it, you relish in the fact that he’s still yours yet now forming into someone new and lovely and wonderful. 

“You never gave up.” He whispers at last, adoration in his voice. 

“Never.” 

“You never left me.” 

“Never.” You breathe out, the word so simple with such heavy weight behind it. 

The moment is so raw, so tender, and Jonathan is giving you that look again, the one that leaves you feeling like the sun itself has settled upon you and kissed your cheek. His eyes flick down to your lips and you smile, taunting him to lean in. He seems to understand, giving you his own teasing smile before leaning in. You lean in as well, every part of you buzzing, and right before your lips touch his, Steve bursts through the door.

“Jonathan, dude, do you have like, any food in the house?” He asks, completely oblivious to what he’s just interrupted. 

You and Jonathan break apart, laughing the tension away. He ducks his head down, clears his throat, and turns to Steve. “Sorry, man. Been a little busy this week for grocery shopping.”

Steve’s eyes bulge out of his head. “Oh shit, right. Sorry, okay. Uh… Well, I’ll be inside, I guess.” 

“We’ll be in shortly.” You tell Steve. You want to be frustrated by his timing, but something tells you that you’ll have all the time in the world to tell Jonathan how you feel. Now just isn’t the time. 

– 

The moment you arrive at the hospital, Jonathan sprints out of the car and straight towards the front desk to find out where Will is. You and Nancy follow behind, figuring you won’t be able to see Will for a while since you’re not blood related, so the two of you wish Jonathan goodbye and head towards the waiting room. 

Steve lags behind, obviously unsure where to go. Nancy immediately walks inside, but you notice his hesitation and nudge his shoulder. “I’m sure that the cut on your eyebrow needs to be looked out. Let’s go sit, okay?”

He sighs deeply. “Yeah, sure. Totally. Let’s go sit in a room full of people who probably hate me. No biggie.”

“Either come or don’t.” You shrug. “But the way I see it, you can start mending some metaphorical wounds while you wait in there.”

You don’t wait for Steve to figure out what to do, you know that Dustin is somewhere inside the waiting room and you’re buzzing to see him and the rest of the kids. You hobble inside, still very much in pain due to your injuries, but the moment you see your brother it all fades away. 

He runs into your arms and almost knocks you down with the force. Dustin clings onto you, mumbling over and over again how sorry he is. 

“Hey, wait a second,” you pull him away and crouch down, groaning a bit at the pain. “What are you sorry about? What happened?”

You look around the room and see everyone there. Nancy, Hopper, the kids, Steve, even Nancy’s parents, but there’s someone missing…

“El,” you breathe out. 

Dustin’s lip trembles and he begins to cry. You soothe him, grabbing his hand to bring him over to the seats and sit between him and Mike. Lucas is to the left of Dustin and you can’t help but notice how all the boys have dried tears in their eyes. 

When they’re ready, you have the kids explain what happened, and the more they tell you, the more guilty you feel. You should’ve been there for them, you left them all alone with that monster. You got Will back, and yet you’ve lost El as a result. It seems that no matter what you do, it’ll never quite be enough in the end. 

“It’s not your fault.” You tell Dustin, who still keeps apologizing. It was you who had left him in charge, you’re why El ended up vanquished by the monster. “You did everything you could. I shouldn’t have left you guys all alone, but I’m proud that you all took care of one another, okay?”

He sniffs and nods his head, but you know he doesn’t believe you. All the boys are somber; you know it’ll take time for them to recover. So, you do what you do best, you console them. You hold their hands and rub their backs and offer your spare comics in your bag. You do whatever you can to comfort them, to reassure them that they’re safe now and that no one will hurt them, but the light in their eyes has dimmed. 

They’ll never be the same again. 

And El… she had been so young, you don’t think you’ll ever not feel the heavy weight of guilt whenever you think of her. She had been so sweet and had trusted you. 

You should’ve been there, you wish you could’ve saved her.

Steve watches from his seat across from you. He listens in as you comfort the boys, taking care of them in such a natural way. He admires this softer side of you, one he hasn’t quite seen before. Sure, you’ve always been gentle and sincere, but watching you with the kids is something special in itself. You manage to get them to laugh, you offer them your shoulder to cry or sleep on, and you read aloud to them stories from your comics and Steve finds himself drawn towards your interactions with the kids. 

It’s sweet, something delicate and lovely, and Steve admires everything that you are. When he sees you awkwardly stand up and stumble over to the vending machines in the hall, Steve finds himself following after you. 

-

“Bitch!” You slam the palm of your hand against the vending machine in vain. The bag of chips hangs by the little spiral, taunting you. 

“That’s not a very nice word, Henderson.” 

You turn and see Steve, leaning against the wall with a fond expression. “You stalking me?”

“Nah, just wanted to watch you fight against a vending machine.”

“Ha,” you snort, turning back to the machine. “Unless you can help me get this last chip bag, you’re free to go sit back down.”

You mean it to be a joke, not expecting Steve to actually listen, but he’s at your side within a second. “Step back, let Steve handle her.” 

“What–”

Steve motions for you to move, so you reluctantly do as you’re told. Once you’re out of the way, Steve claps his hands, stretches out his neck, and then begins to aggressively shake the vending machine. 

“That is so not what you’re supposed to do–”

Suddenly the bag drops down from the hook and into the retrieval slot. Steve reaches inside, grabs the bag, and then dangles it in the air. “Tada!” 

You laugh and grab the bag from him. “Okay, I’ll admit, that was impressive.” 

“What can I say? I’m charming like that.” 

“Sure,” you smile at him, neither of you have moved yet. He’s still standing in front of you with that cocky smile on his face that’s slowly started to warm on you. You truly do understand why so many girls have fallen for him. If you ever saw Steve on the street, a stranger passing by, you’d fall a little bit in love with him yourself.

The thought startles you. “Well, uh…”

“Yes?” Steve raises his eyebrows at you, smiling. 

“Thank you for the chips. The kids haven’t eaten anything in hours, so…” You wave the three bags in your arms. “Gotta keep 'em fed.”

“Wait a second, there’s only three bags there. Aren’t you going to eat anything?”

“I only had enough money for the boy’s chips.” You say, feeling suddenly sheepish. “It’s fine, though. I’ll just eat a few pieces from them and wait until we get home.”

Steve scoffs. “Yeah, no.”

You frown at him, confused as he rustles through his jean pocket and pulls out his wallet. “I don’t want your money–”

He doesn’t listen and simply puts the cash into the vending machine and punches in a few numbers. Slowly, one by one, multiple different bags of sweets and chips come falling down within the machine. Once the last one has dropped, Steve bends down and offers the huge stash to you. 

“A feast, on me.” He winks at you and you can’t help but blush. 

“T–thanks, I guess.” You now carefully balance the rest of the snacks in your arms, the mound almost blocking your view. You’re not sure how much Steve just paid, but with all these snacks you and the kids will surely be well fed. 

Steve shrugs, and if you weren’t so tired you’d think the blush on his face was a real one. “It’s the least I can do, all things considered.”

His words give you pause. You know he’s referencing earlier today, back in the alley where fists slammed against skin and he had dragged you away from your best friend, but the memory feels like years ago. So much has happened since then, Steve has saved your life since then. 

“Steve…” Your ankle is starting to sting again from standing for so long, so you adjust your footing and try to figure out what you want to say. “I never got to thank you back at Jonathan’s.”

“Thank me?” His face scrunches in confusion in a sickeningly cute way that it almost distracts you.

“Yes. You saved my life tonight, Steve. I won’t ever forget that.” 

“Oh…There’s no need to thank me. I mean, what are friends for?” Steve freezes and clears his throat. “I mean, shit. We aren’t friends, you keep saying that. Sorry. You know what I mean.”

You know you shouldn’t, but you laugh. Honestly, after everything you’ve been through tonight with Steve, how can he possibly think the two of you aren’t friends?

“Why are you laughing?” Steve mumbles, confused. 

“Sorry,” you wheeze out, still uncontrollably laughing. “It’s just–I mean, dude! We almost died together, of course we’re friends now!”

“We are?” He looks like a little kid on Christmas day being given the gift he’s always wanted.

Your heart warms. “Yes, idiot.”

Steve starts moving around in what you can only guess is a happy dance. “Sweet! Does this mean I get a cool nickname, too?”

“A nickname?” A bag of chips threatens to fall from your arms, but Steve catches it before it can land on the ground and takes a few more snacks off of your hands. 

He readjusts the snacks he now has so that he can carry them easier. “Yeah, I mean. Byers has one, why can’t I?”

You don’t think you’ll ever stop feeling so thrown every time Steve mentions a small detail about you that he’s somehow come to notice. He has a habit of doing that, surprising you by how much he seems to pay attention to you. You thought that no one ever had before, but Steve continues to prove you wrong. 

“I’ll tell ya what,” you begin to walk back towards the waiting room, careful to step carefully to not drop anything or upset your ankle. “Let’s see how this ‘friends’ thing works out, then I’ll decide what nickname fits you best. Deal?”

Steve thinks for a moment and follows. “Hmm. I don’t know, I think I’ll need some type of precaution to make sure you give me a nickname in the end. I want one, Y/N. I’m so serious right now.”

You laugh at his pleading tone. “I can add you to my baking list. Whatever I bake, you’ll get a piece of it. Is that better?”

“God, yes!” Steve punches the air and cheers. 

You’re smiling so much that your face aches. You haven’t felt this light and carefree in so long, you’d almost forgotten what it’s like. The two of you don’t say anything else as you walk back to the waiting room, though Steve seems to slow down so that you don’t hurt your ankle keeping up, though you still let out a few winces and groans.

When you’ve arrived back at your seat, Steve sets down the snacks and runs off without another word. You’re confused by his sudden departure but don’t think much of it. Instead, you wake the boys up and show them your array of snacks, which wakes them up immediately. 

You’re mediating a fight between Mike and Lucas over who gets the bag of Chips Ahoy when a nurse interrupts. “Excuse me, ma’am. This young man over here told me I should come over and check out your ankle?”

The woman smiles and you look past her and see Steve sheepishly waving from his seat across from you. You’re stunned. Had he really gone out of his way to ensure your ankle gets treated?

You shake the thoughts out of your head and inform the woman all she needs to know. You tell her how you’d fallen and what type of pain you feel when you stand up. She inspects the ankle, her fingers cold but kind, and within a few minutes has diagnosed you with a sprained ankle. 

“All you can really do is stay off of it for a few weeks while it heals. I can go and get you some crutches, if you’d like?” She asks, rolling her gloves off and tucking them back into her pocket.

You nod. “If you wouldn’t mind, that’d be great.”

The nurse leaves with the promise of being back soon. In the meantime she instructs you to keep your ankle elevated, so you prop it against the coffee table and wait. You’re annoyed that you even have to have crutches, but then you think of Barb, of El. You’re luckier than you should be. 

– 

After an hour or so, Jonathan opens the door to the waiting room. He spots you and Mike talking softly with each other and whistles over to catch your attention. When Mike looks up, Jonathan nods at him and the boy scrambles out of his seat. 

“Guys! Guys! He’s up, Will is up!” Mike shakes awake Lucas and Dustin, who had been cuddling on the seats fast asleep. “Will’s up!”

Once they’re awake, they quickly follow after Mike and the three boys are gone in an instant, sprinting down the hall towards Will’s room. Clearly they’re eager to see their friend. 

You do your best to get up as fast as possible, but your new crutches serve more as a nuisance rather than an aid. As you struggle to get up, somehow knocking over the mountain of snacks, Steve rushes over. 

He grabs the crutches and offers you his hand. “Here, careful.”

“Thanks,” you awkwardly accept his hand and get up. Jonathan watches from the doorway, a curious look on his face. Nancy does the same from her seat, not saying a word as she watches Steve gently help you navigate the waiting room with your injury. 

Jonathan holds the door open for you and takes over once you’re out the door. He grabs the crutches from Steve and is now the one to hold your hand, balancing you. “I can take it from here, Harrington.”

“Right, yeah.” Steve scratches the back of his head and coughs. “I’ll just… yeah.” 

He heads back inside and you and Jonathan watch as he leaves. As soon as he’s out of earshot, Jonathan turns to you. “Are you two friends now or something?”

“We almost died tonight, bee. I think it’s safe to call Steve a friend now.”

Jonathan bites his lip, though there’s a far off look in his eye that leaves you feeling like you’ve missed something in the conversation. “Guess that’s true. Anyways, let’s get you to Will.”

By the time you make it to the room, the boys have swarmed around Will and are telling him everything he’s missed this week. He’s listening eagerly as they’re telling him about El, but when he sees you enter the room, his eyes light up and he tries to sit up. 

“Y/N!” Will calls out, pure excitement in his voice. 

You practically fall over in your haste to get to him. The second you’re close enough, you collapse onto his bed and give him the tightest hug you possibly can without hurting him. He feels so small against you, smaller than he’s ever felt before, and his sunken eyes and pale skin make you want to cry. 

But he’s alive and here and in your arms once again, happy and wonderful and safe. 

“Little bee,” you try not to cry, but tears are thick in your voice. “I missed you.”

Will manages a weak smile and shrugs, trying to play off the gravity of the situation. “Took a little detour home.” 

You laugh and ruffle his hair. “At least you came home, that’s all that matters.”

“Ahem,” Mike obnoxiously clears his throat, effectively ending your moment with Will. “You’re hogging Will, move over.” 

You laugh again and move away, allowing the boys to resume their millions of updates. You maneuver your crutches and walk over to Jonathan, who is standing by the door. He’s looking at the boys and Will with a soft smile on his face and you join him, standing side by side as you watch your boys finally come together again. 

Then, you feel a pair of eyes on you and you turn around. Nancy is leaning against the doorway behind you; she looks frail and distraught. There’s a sadness in her eyes as she watches the kids. You know that watching the boys reunite with their friend must remind her of Barb. She never got her happy reunion. 

You feel awful for the girl, so when her bittersweet smile drops and she turns to leave the room, you nudge Jonathan to make him aware of the situation. He sees her fleeing and begins to follow after her, but he stops. 

“What are you waiting for? Go.” You tell him, knowing it’s for the best. 

He shifts his weight, uncertain. “Are you sure?”

You’re not sure how to decipher the hidden meanings underneath those three words, but you find that you’re exhausted trying to keep reading between the lines. The feelings you’ve kept buried bubble to the surface, but you remind yourself that he loves Nancy, despite your weird moments of almost with him. There’s something there between you and Jonathan, you both can feel it, but it feels too raw and fragile to bring into the light. 

Without having to ask, you know that Jonathan will choose her. 

It breaks your heart, but you look over at Dustin and Will, who are laughing about some joke while Joyce gazes at them fondly, and you know that you can’t lose this. Maybe Jonathan knows this, too. The small family you’ve built together, it’s too precious to ruin. 

Joyce and your boys, you can’t lose them. They’re yours, and Jonathan is yours in a way that you can’t quite keep to yourself forever, but for now it’s enough. You approach Joyce, grab her hand and give her a tired smile, and the smile she returns to you reminds you that this is more than enough for you. 

You turn to Jonathan, pushing down your feelings once more in favor of appreciating the fact that Will is looking at you again, alive. “Go, bee.” 

Jonathan gives you one last look. You study his face for a moment, watching as it shifts from confusion, to hurt, then finally into acceptance. You’ll never be sure of what exactly he’d been thinking in that moment, but it seemed to have been enough for him, too.

He smiles, lets out a deep breath, and then leaves.

The door closes softly behind him. 

– 

A month later you find yourself in the passenger seat of Jonathan's car, tired from your shift at Bookstrordinary but excited to pick up your brothers. Somehow, even after missing three consecutive shifts last month, Mrs. Waters refused to fire you. 

But Jonathan? He hadn’t been so lucky. His boss fired him from the Hawk, but he hadn’t been too upset. He still drives you to and from work, so you suppose things could be worse. 

It’s late, but the two of you take your time driving to the Wheeler’s. Nothing much has changed between you two following Will’s reappearance. Sure, maybe you’re at his house more just to make sure Will is adapting well, but besides that everything seemed to go back to normal. 

Well, almost normal. 

Steve appeared at your job a few days after your conversation in the hospital. He had surprised you when you walked in, and when you asked what he was doing in a bookstore, Steve simply shrugged and said, “You can’t figure out my nickname if we don’t hang out, right? So, I’m here.”

He had become a regular at the store, stopping by whenever he could, and slowly the two of you became good friends. You’ve come to enjoy Steve’s presence, something that you never thought would ever happen. But he keeps you company as you work, he wanders around and explores the comics and books you recommend to him, and it’s nice having someone to goof off with. 

Plus, you did promise to add him to your baking list, so he’s also become your taste tester who happily eats any creation you bring in for him.

As for Nancy…

That was more of a sore subject for Jonathan. 

There was a few weeks following Will’s reappearance that you thought Jonathan and Nancy would get together, but it never happened. You’re not quite sure why, maybe it had something to do with Jonathan’s hesitation of approaching her, but it had crushed him when you and he saw Nancy and Steve making out in the hall as if nothing bad had ever happened. 

The way Jonathan’s face crumbled when he saw the couple only solidified that he’d never be yours, but you comforted him anyways. You told him he deserved better and then dragged him away. It’d taken him a few days, but eventually Jonathan was able to fake a smile again. 

You haven’t spoken about it since that day, but you leave your window open most nights for him to crawl in. The nightmares from that night fighting the monster plague you both, and the loneliness feels a little heavier than usual, but at least you have each other. 

“Jonathan! Y/N! Come in, the boys are downstairs.” Mrs. Wheeler answers the door, letting the two of you in. “And Y/N, I love that sweater on you.”

You thank the woman. “It was a gift from my mom. She claims I need to up my wardrobe, whatever that means.”

“Well, I think she has lovely taste.” 

“I’ll let you know you think so!” You open the basement door and motion for Jonathan to go down first. 

When he reaches the bottom of the steps, Jonathan makes a face. “Woah, what’s that smell? Have you guys been playing games all day, or just farting?”

“My vote is farting.” You say, hopping down the last step. Your ankle has mostly healed by now, but sometimes if you land on it wrong it makes a weird clicking noise followed by some pain, but you choose to pretend that it’s normal. 

The boys laugh and Lucas points at your brother. “Oh, that’s just Dustin. He farted.”

He begins making fart noises with his mouth and you and Dustin share a look. “Very mature, Lucas.”

The boy continues to sing and make fart noises and you can’t believe that this is your life. You’re standing in a smelly basement while picking up your stubborn brother all while simultaneously enjoying the fact that you get to call this your life. 

Jonathan calls over to Will to grab his things, so you follow suit and gently berate Lucas. “Alright, that’s enough. I gotta get Dustin home.”

“What, I thought I got to stay–”

“Jonathan is our ride and I made cookies, so let’s go.”

The moment the word “cookies” leaves your mouth, Dustin hops up and collects his things without any further argument. 

Once he’s ready, he and Lucas play wrestle as they say goodbye. While they’re distracted, you walk over to Mike and discreetly hand him a container full of double fudge brownies. You’d specifically made them for him, knowing they were his favorite, because you noticed how hard it’s been for him to adjust to El being gone. He really cared about her, anyone could see that. 

Mike’s eyes widen and he throws his arms around you. “Thanks, Y/N.”

You pat his back. “Anytime, Wheeler.”

Dustin breaks away from Lucas and runs up the stairs, so you take that as your cue to leave. 

Upstairs, Jonathan and Will are talking to Mrs. Wheeler. When they see you enter, the woman turns to you and asks if you’ll be bringing over your usual round of holiday treats. “Of course, I’ll get started on them tomorrow. You guys still like the sugarbread cookies?”

“If you make them, I think I’ll die of happiness.” Mrs. Wheeler informs you, and you laugh and tell her that you’ll have them ready as soon as possible. 

You bid her goodbye, Dustin now by your side, and you follow Jonathan and Will to the front door. Right before you open the door, Nancy calls Jonathan’s name from the top of the stairs. 

“Hey, Jonathan, wait up!” 

You, Dustin, and Will stand awkwardly in the back while Nancy hands Jonathan a wrapped gift and wishes him a merry Christmas. They share an awkward exchange since Jonathan hadn’t gotten her anything, but Nancy assures him that it’s fine. The interaction is painful to watch as Nancy doesn’t spare you a single glance. Dustin and Will look at you uncertainly when she kisses Jonathan’s cheek, but you ignore them and pretend to be interested in a Christmas decoration on the table.

This will never get any easier. 

“You ready?” Jonathan turns back to you guys, a blush on his face, and all you can do is silently nod. 

In the car you sit in the back with Dustin, who squeezes your arm in reassurance. He’s come to understand your complex feelings for Jonathan and has pieced together Nancy’s involvement. While he’s never outright consoled you, he’s shown his support in other small and wonderful ways. 

“Thanks,” you whisper, and Dustin smiles. 

“We all buckled up?” Jonathan asks as he starts up the car. 

“Yes, captain.” You mock salute. 

Will giggles at you before he sees the gift and looks up at Jonathan. “Can I open it?”

“Yeah, sure.” 

You and Dustin lean forward so you can see what’s in the box. When Will unwraps a beautiful, and no doubt expensive, camera, you gasp. The bitterness and hurt from moments ago vanishes. This gift is from Steve, you know it is, and something warm settles deep within your bones. 

You think about last month, how you’d told him not everyone can just afford a camera. 

Seems like Steve listened. 

Maybe he isn’t so bad after all. 

– 

A week later you knock on the Byers’ door, a giant container of your annual holiday cookies in your arms. 

“Bug!” Jonathan answers the door with an excited smile on his face. His new camera is in his hands and before you can even process what’s happening, he’s already taken a photo of you with your crooked earmuffs and oversized box of cookies.

He’s been using the camera ever since he got it. There’s now multiple pictures of you, always unaware or caught off guard, now hanging in the kitchen. It makes you blush to think about. 

“You didn’t even give me a chance to smile.” You complain, shoving your way inside. It’s snowing and you’re freezing. 

Joyce grabs the container to help you as soon as she sees you. “Here, honey. I’ve got it.”

You thank her and walk over to Will, who is drawing at the kitchen table. “Hey little bee. Whatcha drawing?”

“Hi, Y/N.” He slides over his picture and you’re shown a quick sketch of you and the party, this time fighting what appears to be a misshapen dog. “It’s a Dire Wolf, we’re fighting it in our latest campaign.”

“Ah, I see. Looks fluffy, though. Can’t possibly be a dangerous creature.”

Will rolls his eyes at you. “This is why you don’t play with us.”

“Careful, you’re sassing the girl who has just bravely ridden her bike through the snow to deliver her famous Christmas cookies.”

Will is out of his seat in an instant, running over to his mom, who has just placed the container on the counter. “Did you make the oatmeal raisin cookies?”

“Duh,” you snort. 

“And the chocolate chip?”

“I sure did.” You stand next to him and point at a new cookie you’re trying out this year. “This batch is a caramel banana one. Steve seemed to like it and I think it’s pretty good, so I hope you do too.”

Jonathan swoops over and kisses your head. “Of course we’ll like it, bug.”

“He’s right, you know. We always love whatever you make us, honey.” Joyce informs you, her mouth now full of cookies. 

“I’d hope so, this is like my fifth year making these for you guys. It’d be awkward if you hated my baking.” You say, now securing your earmuffs back on your head. “Anyways, I should get going. It’s Christmas, my mom won’t want me out too long.” 

Joyce looks out the window and frowns. “Did you really bike here in this weather?”

“It wasn’t too bad, I’ll be fine–”

“No. Jonathan, grab your keys and drive Y/N home.” She stares you down, daring you to argue with her, but you don’t. You know better than to argue with Joyce Byers. 

Once Jonathan has his keys, you say goodbye to everyone and wish them a merry Christmas. Jonathan throws your bike in his trunk and soon you’re off on the road. The drive is quiet but cozy. The snowflakes fall in a pretty spiral and there’s a soft song playing on the radio. 

Sometimes, if you close your eyes, you can pretend that the events from last month never happened. Will never disappeared. You never discovered that you love Jonathan. Nancy Wheeler never became friends with Jonathan, possibly something more had there been more time. When you close your eyes and sit still, you can imagine that your brother never has nightmares that wake him up screaming. That your heart doesn’t hurt when you make your best friend laugh. 

For a moment, you can forget. 

“Can we always stay like this?” You ask Jonathan softly, almost as if you’ll disturb the peace that winter has brought with its quiet snow. 

“Like what?”

You’re not sure how to express what you’re feeling. “This, us. Together.”

“Of course we’ll always stay like this.” He grabs your hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it. He says this like it’s a fact, the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Pinky promise me.” You hold your pinky up. You know it’s silly, but you need him to hear you, to understand what you’re saying.

Jonathan looks over at you. “Y/N–”

“Please, promise me, bee.”

He’s silent for a moment, seeming to understand the weight of everything between, around, and within the two of you. Then, he extends his pinky finger and wraps it around yours. “I promise, bug.” 

And you believe him.

[END OF SEASON 1]

-

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[alpaca-clouds]

Olrox's Trauma and Motivation

I think most of us do agree that Olrox is really the most interesting character we got out of Nocturne, right?

So, let me talk a bit about what is going on with him a bit.

I think most people got the detail that his core motivation clearly is to just not have another even worse colonialism happen to his homelands. But I also have seen a lot of people wonder why he is not more active within the plot. He is playing both sides and seems very held back in actually joining the fight.

And I think what drives him - and what is going to drive his character arc - is the conflict between him being self-preserving and him wanting to fight for the right thing.

I talked already about his historical context. But the tl;dr is very much: He saw a genocide of his people. Sure, some survived. The culture did not die out entirely. But there were still so many who died. And so much cultural heritage destroyed. And he was there and saw it happen. He probably also saw their own warriors fight against the Spaniads and loose.

We do not really know much about what he did for the following about 200 years. Again, there is a good chance he drank the blood of Quetzalcoatl, but in what context? And what did he do after it?

Something that he keeps iterating is his lack of belief. And I do not think that this is just a lack of belief in religion of any sort. But also a lack of belief into some ideal or greater goal. Which, I think, is also why he is drawn to idealists who have that belief.

So far we do not know much about the dead Mohican lover he had, but we do know that he was also an idealist who believed in the cause of the American Independence. And he "almost" started to believe in it, too. (Of course, even without Julia killing that lover, the Mohicans were forced off their lands just a couple years later - prior to the 1792 setting of the main story.)

I also think that we can read something into the fact that before that lover he did not have anyone. I think there are two possible readings of this. Either he is lying to himself and actually did love other people. Or he actually kept away from other people a lot, not getting himself involved with anyone. (And also, I would argue he probably is demiromantic.)

Because of course there is the fact that he clearly is lying to himself about how much he cares about Mizrak. As seen by that last scene. He just does not want to admit it, because he has been hurt before. He has loved and has lost that love.

He is attracted to Mizrak, because Mizrak is the idealist, the guy with believes in a greater cause, someone who is willing to if need be die for these ideas. But of course he cannot admit that. Because in that case if Mizrak went to die... Well, it would hurt again. But his need for someone like that is so deep that... I mean, how much time passes in that first season? A week, maybe. Ten days? Not much. And still, he cannot have him dying.

And I think Olrox's entire character arc will be about him finding that belief in a cause, in something greater than himself.

It would not surprise me if was the one to kill Erzsebet in the end, because it would be a fitting end to what they have set up for his arc.

[vashsscoreboardofpain]

WELCOME BACK SPORTS FANS >:]

Dear audience, the lost of our mvp of the season will not be forgotten. He was such fan of sports that he gave his life for one of the heavy points, and we must continue with the suffering tally to honor his memory

Plus, things cannot get worse for the contestant who has 3 rounds left to go.

With that in mind lets start with episode 24!

When the contestant appears he seems peaceful, as if he made peace with the fact that- and he's crying. He strikes 1 "sad outburst" point for crying in a public place for his friend. However this is trigun and the contestant needs to keep moving.

He hits more points using the effective move called "sad flashback." He hits 1 "yikes statement" point for saying that "friends die because of him" and another "yikes statement" for saying he wont be able to die honorably as long as knives lives meaning he is pretty much ok with dying after confronting knives. Amazing, a double feature. Before we continue some members of the audience may think vash trauma dumping meryl deserves a point, but according to the suffering division the point cannot be validated cuz technically, she asked.

When we go back to him he's getting questioned by some kids but they don't even get enough time to bully our contestant because SIKE. THE OTHER MVP IS STILL OUT THERE. Legato uses the children to make the contestant feel guilty (1 "bad event" point). After that he gives the contestant 1 "traumatizing event" point by basically putting to sleep an entire town against their will. The contestant hits another "bad event" point because Legato keeps using the children to make him feel guilty and conflicted. And if that wasnt enough, vash hits another "bad event" point because Legato is also blaming the contestant for many other deaths.

BUT THE HITS KEEP COMING. 1 "action" point because vash admits he had no choice when it came to the gung ho guns, 1 "traumatizing event" point when finding out that Legato has his old arm.

Just when he thought he could relax, he hits 1 "bad event" point thanks to Midvalley the hornfreak, who ALSO blames him for the deaths of other people. It seems like this round will consist of 98 vash surviving gaslighting. He hits another "bad event" point when compared to a monster and just like that he makes a quick move thanks to Midvalley. The gung ho gun starts to attack the contestant, which gives him 1 "bad event" point but things are about to get worse.

Without time to think the contestant strikes 2 terrible and heavy points. 1 "traumatizing event" point for watching midvalley use random people as targets, and 1 "action" point for using himself as a shield so the humans dont die. He repeats the routine with all his might, but the contestant is getting tired. The contestant is on the floor, unable to move. And is in that position that he strikes another "traumatizing event" point thanks to midvalley, who takes the chance and KILLS EVERYONE WHO VASH HAS BEEN TRYING TO PROTECT FOR HOURS. Midvalley is quickly raising on the mvp ranks, what a man.

After midvalley kills a bunch of people, the contestant gets on his way to find legato. The moment he gets to the mountain BAM, he hits 1 "angry outburst" point for shooting a legato multiple times in a fit of rage. He is sick of Legato and his games, and everything will end right here right now. The contestant aims his gun to Legato's head, and yet in a quick move, Legato grants him 1 "bad event" point by trying to reactivate the angel's arm on 98 vash's arm. The contestant fights it and lucky for him, he manages to keep the arm under control. But there are many other points to hit and Legato doesnt give him a break. Before the contestant can think of something he hits 1 "bad event" point by getting shot at by mind controlled people, people who are also about to kill meryl and millie.

Thats right dear audience, the second mvp, legato, will also leave the stage after granting the contestant a few points: 1 "traumatizing event" point for needing to decide between killing someone or saving his friends, 1 "bad event" point for having his arm controlled in a way that his only option is to pull the trigger, 1 "action" event for actually asking legato to not make him shoot, 1 "bad event" point for being provoked by legato and his insults towards rem, 1 "bad event" point for getting shot while thinking holy shit....

and finally, dear audience...1 "traumatizing event" point for being forced to kill Legato with his own hands.

The audience is dead quiet, as well as the contestant. The suffering is truly not stopping for 98 vash, even in the final stretch.

Despite the suffering experienced today, it has been a great day for the contestant point-wise! Today he gathered 24 points! He broke his own personal record! The points make his new total 231 points. There is a real chance the contestant is able to hit 300 points before the end of the season.

98 Vash has 2 rounds left, will he use them to get more points in spite of his dying soul or will he step aside and try to find peace before is too late for him?

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR THE BEST KIND OF SPORTS THERE IS :'D

[hecckyeah]

Hello there!! I'm here to ask: what were your thoughts on the Rookie season finale?

HEY FRIEND!

Oh ho ho do I have some Thoughts™ for you.

Once again I'm going to break this up into Chenford and Non-Chenford

.

Starting off with Non-Chenford!!

First off, I had a hard time seeing this as the season finale because of the whole 10 episodes thing, so wrapping my head around that is still..... Just sad. I feel like there were so many different directions they could have taken the season, but it is what it is, and I'm trying to see the good parts for what they are :)

One of the weirdest things this season was probably the whole Bailan having a child thing (or not???) and the way the finale tried to handle that was just..... weird.

I mean maybe it is because I'm biased against Bailan (I really cannot stand them) but the writers are doing too much. They were established as a specifically child-free couple, and since we already have multiple couples with kids and we're all rooting for the same thing for Chenford (also has been foreshadowed for them), I feel like this is just the same storyline over and over again. Maybe instead of trying to introduce a new kid for Nolan, maybe (and this is kind of far fetched) get back to the son he already has, and maybe add some grandkids??? idk, just seems like Bailan as grandparents instead of new parents has lots of comedic potential and it's something that hasn't been done yet.

Oh yeah, and on that same note-- the whole Oscar and Jason situation?? Totally unnecessary and odd. I like Oscar as comedy relief behind bars, but not anywhere else. The dude has caused enough mayhem from inside prison, I don't need him galavanting around anywhere. The writers seem desperate to beat that dead horse.

(man okay apparently I had more beef with this season than I thought I did. trying to dial it back a little bit now)

So, to me the whole finale just felt very . . . patchwork. That's the only way I can describe it, truly. It's like a bunch of pieces were stitched together to create some sort of ending to a very stitched-together season.

Argentina?? Love the concept of it if it was fleshed out but cannot deal with the execution. It was SO sudden. Absolutely zero warning. Why Argentina specifically?? And why is Nolan not literally in an Argentinian prison somewhere for his disobedience? Who let him get away scot-free again?

Although I will say, Monica high-tailing it into the middle of absolutely nowhere, prancing through cactuses and brush in high heels, is genuinely the funniest thing this show has done all season.

I'm feeling a whole lot of vindication toward Blair London, as I think we all are! Had a funny feeling about that one from the beginning.

UM EXCUSE ME WRITERS. WHAT IS BABY WOPEZ'S DANG NAME???????

at this point I'm 10008% sure she's just going to grow up without a name smh

Also I know I've said this about 359238 times already, but why is Celina still in long sleeves??? there's no way she's only been a rookie for less than 6 months. This timeline, you guys. I can't. Poor girl is gonna die in long sleeves. The only silver lining is that it looks like Tim will be her TO for the foreseeable future, with Nolan's injury. Maybe that will get things rolling, idk. We can hope.

I've heard other people say this so I just have to echo it real quick. I miss the old Rookie. Bring back boring days on patrol, with 6-19 different calls per day instead of these massive decked out plots that a normal LAPD officer wouldn't even be touching. I want bridal gown brawls again!!! Show me the monotony!! The character development!!!!! The little lunches out by the food trucks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop making everyone and their mother a detective. Make someone another TO for once, and bring another rookie into the mix!!!! (Also let someone transfer to another station and/or wash out of the program mid-year for once smh *****COUGH celina COUGH****) Seasons 1-3 were truly peak Rookie and I miss it terribly.

There really isn't anything I truly loved about the finale, sadly, aside from Chenford (see below). I watched it twice, and both times it was just . . . Not it. The addition of Monica was random and pointless, and I despise her guts. I feel like this season could have been literally just the patrol cops answering calls and then mid-wilshire family movie nights and bonding time afterwards and we would have eaten. it. up. No need for the flashy lights and the big bad plot lines. But oh well, I suppose it is what it is.

.

.

OKAYYYY now on to Chenford :) Hoooo boy.

Let me just start out by saying -- NANNY LUCY MY BELOVED she's so freakin adorable I love her to death. What a queen.

The little "good to have you" I'M DEAD.

Okay but on a serious note, the whole breakup storyline is so heartbreaking, I've kind of felt numb toward it this whole time. Maybe it's a combination of life stuff keeping me busy and distracted, and knowing that they're not going to stay apart forever (because the showrunners are smart and they know that if chenford stays apart, they lose their entire fanbase), but I haven't felt quite as devastated as I would have, say, a couple months ago. I can't get behind it and I don't quite see the reasoning, but mostly I've been skating along pretty okay. It's weird.

That being said, I am SO GLAD about the direction they're going. Tim is growing in leaps and bounds, and I would LOVE to show this season to his season 1 self.

Would I have liked a little more cohesive conversation before the finale? Of course. Tim owes Lucy that real, adult talk, but with the time they had, I'm glad we are where we are.

I think the elevator scene was really beautiful. It gently touches on a lot of points from the last 5 seasons, just regarding their very different personalities and the way Lucy has treated Tim and vice versa. I think Tim is realizing most of his mistakes and -- dare I say -- double standards in their relationship, not just as a couple, but as friends and even back to their TO/Rookie times. Lucy has always been incredibly self-aware and empathetic, and those are things that have been largely missing from his side of things. But now, he's finally willing to admit that he needs to reassess his life and attitude, and I think that's so amazing.

(Actually it's a crazy cool parallel to Isabel, but I think that's a whole post for another day hahah)

I'm also SOO happy with how open-ended they left the elevator conversation. Anything more would have felt rushed and out of place. They're committed to the slow-burn game now apparently, and as impatient as I am . . . I can respect it.

ALSO I AM INSANE ABOUT THE SAVE IN THE TRUCK. Ahem Lucy kicking everyone's butt and looking good doing it?? Yes ma'am, slay queen!!!!!!! Also those little split-second looks they shared afterward, just carve those into my tombstone already. Tim climbing out of the car looking like he just went through a wood chipper but he can't keep his eyes off his gorgeous, beat-up ex-gf who has saved his live multiple times now? DELICIOUS. The life-saving parallels???!! I need to write so many fics and analyses. They just can't stop saving each other against absolutely all odds. It's programmed into their DNA at this point. I'm so so so insane. OMG

To summarize -- I hate that they broke up in the first place but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. I loved their small interactions this ep, almost like a bittersweet nod to what they used to be and will be again in the future.

.

I have some more thoughts that are ping-ponging around my head, but I'm currently down with a fever and a cough so I haven't the energy to actually write them down lol but I plan to add to this later! Even if it's just in small random posts.

Thanks so much for the ask!! <3

[gaily-daily-musings]

It's not Christmas yet but what the heck

(Hallmark obikin au where we wonder what happens when the female protagonist dumps her fiance at the end of the movie to be with her childhood boyfriend)

-

The flight had been delayed. Because of course it had. Why wouldn't there be delays in a small ass town in the middle of bum fuck nowhere?

Anakin slumps in his seat. It's uncomfortable as shit and he needed to pee but God forbid he give it up. The lady across him has been eyeing him for the past hour and he'd die before letting her have it. All the other chairs and benches have been taken. He doesn't care how much she wants it, he deserves to sit in a stupid, horrible chair after the past few days.

Who dumps someone on Christmas eve? Who does that?? Anakin had only wanted to surprise Padme. He'd taken off work to fly out to her old hometown. Yet when he gets there she's apparently been hanging out with her ex and now she doesn't even want to get married?! His head is still spinning from it all.

He feels like he's been through the week from hell. At least he didn't have to work tomorrow. He could just focus on drowning all his sorrows away.

He shifts uncomfortably, his bladder pressing against him. He's not sure how much longer he can last without needing to relieve himself. He's read somewhere that holding it in too long was bad for you. Oh god, was he about to give himself a UTI? Wouldn't that be the fucking cherry on top?

Just as Anakin is about to get up and let the demon woman steal his seat, a gentleman walks by. He looks rather dejected. A forlorn look adorns his face. His coat was hanging off his shoulders and it looked like he'd missed a button or two on his shirt while getting dressed.

"Hey buddy?" Anakin calls out.

The man stops and looks up.

"Would you mind holding my seat? I gotta pee and I don't want anyone else taking it."

The man might just as well keep the chair for himself. But Anakin is willing to take his chances with this newcomer than the Karen over there. Fellow bros gotta stick together and all that. At least he hopes.

"Oh, uh, yes alright."

The British accent tingles delightfully through his ears. Anakin shakes the feeling off. Perhaps he was more lonely than he thought.

"Thanks! I'll only be a minute!"

He rushes off to the bathroom as the British man sits down. Or, more like he crumples into the seat. His shoulders slump even more than before. God he looked like someone had just died. Part of him feels horrible for thinking it, but Anakin was kind of glad he wasn't the only one having a bad day.

After he pees, Anakin checks himself in the bathroom mirror. He didn't look as bad as the British man, but he did look as irritable as he felt. His hair was uncombed and his mouth seemed to be in a perpetual scowl. He's sure the unbearable sadness will set in at any moment. But mostly he's still in shock. Still angry and confused.

He comes back out and thanks the man. The man makes to get up and leave but Anakin stops him with a hand.

"Actually–" he cannot believe he's about to do this. "You can have it. You look like you're having an even rougher go than me."

The airport was packed even if it was a small town. Or perhaps because of it. Either way it was every man for himself out there.

"Thank you. That's very kind."

Anakin shrugs. "Tis the season."

The man gives a half hearted smile. Anakin is about to grab his luggage and go find a bar when the man stops him.

"What did you mean before?" He asks. "You said I looked like I was having a tougher day than you."

The man is a total stranger. Anakin isn't normally in the business of airing out his laundry but it's not like there was much else to do right now. Plus the guy asked, so what was the harm? Still, Anakin hesitates.

"It's uh, it's a pretty crazy story actually."

"I've got time. My flight doesn't leave for another two hours."

Anakin nods. "Yeah good luck with that. They delayed mine twice already. I think they're just putting off the inevitable before announcing it's canceled."

The man winces. "Goodness, you think we might be here all night?"

"It's a possibility. The weather isn't looking too good right now. But that's what happens when you travel during December I guess."

The man hums. "Yes, quite right."

They grow quiet again.

"Sooo," Anakin starts, "How'd you end up here anyway?"

The man looks even sadder if that was even possible. Anakin is suddenly sorry he asked. He quickly backtracks. For some reason he didn't like seeing this stranger so upset. His face looked like one that was built for laughing.

"I came to surprise my fiance." Anakin blurts out. The man looks up. "I took a week off to come visit her. She's in town because she grew up here and she's visiting relatives."

"Oh, that sounds lovely."

"She dumped me this morning. Apparently she met up with her childhood crush and they hit it off."

The man pales. "Goodness that's…I'm so sorry."

Anakin rubs his face. "Yeah it's–well yeah."

The man waits a moment. The awkwardness stretches. Then a chuckle. It's so small Anakin almost doesn't catch it. He blinks. There it was again. Another little laugh.

That's what he got for pouring his heart out to a stranger.

"I apologize, I just," the man covers his mouth to smother his laughter. "I also came to surprise my fiance. She told me she wasn't in love with me anymore last night."

Anakin stares, floored to the spot.

"No shit?"

He winces. That didn't sound like a very appropriate response.

The man sighs and runs a hand through his auburn hair. It looked really thick. Like really nice hair.

"I'm sorry." Anakin tries again. Yes, much better response. "Guess this town is cursed, huh?"

The man laughs again and this time Anakin cannot help but join him. What a pair they made.

"Wait hold on, why was your fiance here? Did she grow up here too?"

God was <em>everyone</em> from this town?!

"No, she's not from here. Her Great Aunt recently died and she left Satine, my fiance, an old house in the will. Satine's always been charmed by small towns. She wanted to fix it up to be a Bed and Breakfast."

"Huh, that's…alright then."

Silence falls again. Anakin runs his foot over the airport carpet, not knowing what to say anymore.

"She actually, ah," the man clears his throat. "She was telling me about the local fudge shop her first day here. The owner there was charming. Too charming apparently."

Anakin's eyes widen. He'd seen that guy too. Losing his fiance to a childhood crush was one thing. Losing them to a complete stranger was another thing entirely.

"How long was she even in town for?"

"Five days," the man says.

Anakin inhales through his teeth. Damn that sucked.

"It wasn't actually as sudden as you'd believe." The man offers. "In truth our relationship has been in the rocks for months. We could never quite pick a date for the wedding. I suppose I was just in denial about it. I refused to see the signs."

Anakin feels like patting the man's shoulder but he's not sure how well the older man would take it. Brits were weird about contact. At least he thinks? He read that somewhere probably.

Anakin wonders what the signs had been in his own relationship. He can't recall any. Was he really that blind? Had Padme been unhappy and searching for a way to tell him?

The man sighs deeply. "This trip was supposed to bring us closer together. Not further apart."

"Cursed, I tell you," Anakin says. "I mean, my fiance was only here for like a week before I came to surprise her. Who falls in love in a week?"

"I know right?!"

Overhead there is an announcement of another delay. The man groans.

"Lemme guess, that one was yours?"

"Unfortunately." Then he mumbles to himself. "I didn't want to stay here a minute more."

Tell him about it. Anakin wants as far away from this place as possible. But it looked like they would need to find lodging after all.

"Don't think I can get my room back at the airbnb." Anakin muses aloud. "Tomorrow's Christmas. Everyone's booked."

The man hums. "I could probably call the hotel and get my room back." He looks up at Anakin. "If you're willing to spend Christmas with a sad old man, you're welcome to come with me."

Anakin's lips quirk up into a smile. "That doesn't sound so bad. Got any liquor?"

"We'll pick some up on the way."

Anakin is already grabbing his luggage. "Lead the way then. I'm Anakin by the way."

The man smiles. Damn, he really did look good like that. Blue eyes sparkling and shit.

"Obi-Wan," he says. "Pleased to meet you."

-

There was only one bed. In hindsight it made sense, it was supposed to be Obi-Wan and his fiance staying here. But the couch was a pull-out so they're fine as far as sleeping arrangements go.

They break out the alcohol the second they get through the door. Anakin turns on the TV to a bad Christmas movie and they take turns poking fun at it. Midnight rolls around sooner than either of them realize. They toast to an odd friendship.

"May we never, ever come back to this town!"

Their glasses clink together.

"I'll drink to that, my friend."

Anakin didn't get drunk very often, but he thinks he can make an exception. Obi-Wan seemed like the business upstanding type of guy that only indulged in red wine. Seemed they were both doing things they normally didn't do.

Slowly but surely Anakin feels himself getting drunker. His body buzzes pleasantly and his mouth goes numb. Sometime around 3 am he starts talking about Padme. Who better to unload upon than a fellow man in a similar situation?

"I just…just UGH! I hope she has a million children and they–they all end up staying here and never doing anything great with their lives and just living here in the middle of–the middle of nowhere and she's just trapped in a hell of her own making!" Anakin hiccups. "AND that she never gets to leave this town again ever! Not even to travel! She's just trapped forever!"

"Me too!" Obi-Wan slurs. "I hope Satine gets fat on fudge!"

He giggles then. It's pure and high pitched. It makes Anakin laugh too.

He'll regret trash talking Padme in the morning. But for now, he doesn't care.

"That's it. I'm swearing off women. Just dicks from now on."

Obi-Wan lets out a guffaw. Then he hiccups halfway through. It's cute as shit. Has anyone ever told him he was cute? Did Satine used to tell him? Someone needed to let this man know right now.

"I think you're onto something, my good man." Obi-Wan's accent lifts into a caricature of itself. He takes a sip of his empty glass. "No more women!"

The night blurs even more. The hours bleed into one another and soon all turns black.

Anakin blinks his eyes and raises his head. He's on the bed, Obi-Wan snoring beside him. Huh, they must have passed out at some point. Through the window blinds he can see daylight peeking in.

He looks over at the couch. He should probably move. Let Obi-Wan have the bed back. He looks back down. Their arms were entangled. At some point during the night Obi-Wan had reached out and threaded their hands together. Anakin's heart squeezes. He looked so adorable like this. Anakin lays back down and closes his eyes, breathing the other man in. The loss of Padme hurt less like this. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

He wonders how long they would be stuck in town for. He wonders when the storm will pass. And whether or not the town's strange Christmas magic would work one last matchmaking miracle.

[scraffles]

p53

during shadowkeep through season of the dawn the now *insanely* relevant 'Unveiling' lorebook was released. one of the lorebooks is titled p53.

p53 is a protein of proton weight 47,000 and it is responsible for the cessation of potentially cancerous cells. the voice in the darkness/ winnower posits that it is necessary for life to function, but is also a bomb waiting to detonate:

"Would you tolerate a bomb in your body, waiting to detonate if you deviated from the needs of society?

However, without p53 as an enforcer, the body's utopian surplus of energy becomes a paradise for cancer. Cells cannot resist the temptation to steal from that surplus. Their genetic morality degrades as tumor suppressor genes fail. The only way to stop them is by punishment."

the voice ends the tab positing the question "Is p53 an agent of the Darkness, or the Light?"

this is a very interesting way to look at p53. and poses to us a concept-- that a thing must necessarily inhibit life in order for more, greater life to continue to exist. now allow me to bring in another, separate concept.

In the 9th entry, "The Wager" , the voice in the dark/winnower states the insanely raw line "You are the gardener's final argument." But more importantly, it states "That wandering refugee [Traveler/Gardener]* chose to make a stand, spend their power to say: "Here I prove myself right. Here I wager that, given power over physics and the trust of absolute freedom, people [you, guardian] will choose to build and protect a gentle kingdom ringed in spears."

i posit that the voice is incorrect, or rather incomplete. it is not that p53 exists as an agent of darkness' will; i instead posit that p53 exists as the aforementioned "ring of spears" against the *true* darkness: cancer. Cancer, by virtue of existence, kills. It is the only thing it knows how to do (though this is framed incorrectly perhaps; cancer only knows how to duplicate, but by duplicating it drains necessary resources, which result in death. to say a cancerous cell is birthed to kill and then die is merely skipping the middle of the syllogism). That sounds, familiar! In "The First Knife" the voice states "And I had only one purpose and one principle in the game. And I could do nothing but continue to enact that purpose, because it was all that I was and ever would be." Seems a little damning, no? But I do not disagree with p53's classification as an element of darkness. It is a bomb. But am I not a bomb? Do I not kill? Have I never snuffed out a consciousness? Contained within my cellular structure is indeed p53.

I posit that the ring of spears is necessarily darkness.

In the final page of the lorebook, I think the Queen of the Reef describes heaven (or at least some place akin to it), and not here. She states, "

Given the choice to live in any world, any world at all… we would need a little Darkness in it, I think, to keep the balance true. But not so much as we would need the Light…"

Understanding this as an ideal, and not a description of reality as fact, the point comes into focus. The light in its current form, exists. To exist is to prove your existence to use the words of another. I think, understanding this ring of spears as a concept of darkness, the Gardener makes its argument. necessarily we must prove that we exist. because to not do so equates to death.

it means that you must prove your right to live against forces who are very eager to demand proof.

That ring of spears, it is starting to drip with epistemological proof.

The final shape is the paring back of all that can be. That which remains when all that can be removed, has been removed. That which remains after it has been winnowed; after the garden has been tended to. That beautiful, final shape of the garden. Of the flowers and the hedges, the full completion, perfected. In layman's terms, it is the extermination of all life that cannot prove its existence. That cannot prove its *right* to live | exist. That is the philosophy of the final shape. Of the Darkness. or at the very least, all of our enemies right now :)c .

Let us pare back of the darkness what we need. That epistemological proof. That right to exist. That ring of spears.

p53, nuclear weight of 47000, is an element of the darkness;

however, to understand p53 as an *agent* of the darkness is to misunderstand its purpose. That is why I believe the voice is incorrect.

To understand the ring of spears as an agent of the darkness is to misunderstand its purpose.

~~~~~~~

*[the familiarity conjured by 'wandering refugee' seems to directly refer to the Traveler, as opposed to the ideological Gardener which really makes me doubt if this is the winnower, and not some force beyond (maybe this is the witness speaking?). then again the nonchalance the voice brings to the table, "my man oryx", for example, suggests power, almost? i dont know how to properly describe it. the way that this voice speaks to us is this bizarre realm of nonchalance and it almost even feels like condescension at points which feels almost like the point but i dont understand the point that it is trying to make]

...is the name of this lore book supposed to be a pun on 'the veil'...?

also on the wikipedia page for p53 it says

and that feels pretty on the nose

[rosemariad]

Supernatural Season 9

Sam oh noooooo 😥😭

He really said lemme die in peace. But Dean won’t let him go.

OML the forces of Heaven and Hell really fucked up this man’s life.

Kevin survived season 8 - woo! I know he not gonna make it to the end tho 😑

Charlie’s still around too, but is she gonna make it to the bitter end 🫥

Crowley’s locked up - its about time honestly. He is long overdue for some karma after what he put poor Kevin through. I'd be happy about Abaddon giving him shit but she's no better.

I know Dean did not just kick Castiel out😣🤬without so much as money or food or any necessities.🤬🤬🤬🤬

Oh heeeeeeeeeeeeell noooooooo. That son of a bitch!!!!!! 😠😡🤬🤬🤬Poor Cas looked so devastated. Bendito. You could pinpoint the exact moment his heart broke in half.

Poor guy had to rough it on the streets all alone, you don't just do that damn. He could've just sent him somewhere to stay like a friend's or a shelter.

Sam was all dazed and confused he had no idea what was going on afterwards. Dean you can't keep lying!!!! This man is so dumb!!!!

Not the angel that saved Sam's life turning to be bad :/

UGH I hate Metatron he is the WORST! Why do people keep listening to such a jackass?! And what he doesn't have the stomach to do his own dirty work?

KEVIN NOOOOOOOOOOOO

KEVIN - you deserved the best of everything! This one hurt me the worst y'all 😨😢😭😭😭😭

Is Dean allergic to good decision making?!?!?!?!!? After his latest fight with Sam, he fucks off and AGREES to work with Crowley? After everything the son of a bitch put him through? I knew nothing good would come of this. Dean was actually surprised that Tess died - I mean she chose to break the demon trap when she knew herself it was a bad idea. Now Dean has to deal with the mark of Cain 😤

I did find it interesting that the show decided to put a twist on the famous Cain & Abel story and how it echoed Sam and Dean's story. But there was no angel for Cain when he sacrificed himself, or his brother Abel.

Who knows how many other pairs of brothers throughout history were put in the same position across time? Cain and Abel were among the first humans…I don't think since the dawn of human existence it was just Cain and Abel then Sam and Dean. Not for a second. Especially with what we learn later…

Man Dean just gets douchier and douchier. With everyone, even Sam and Castiel. My God.

Abaddon died…yay? That Crowley son of a bitch. First he fucks Dean up, shoots up human blood ….recreatively? And strands his son out in present day despite the fact he was just in 1723. Will we even see Gavin again?

Man I really do not care for Metatron, I cannot wait till he dies. I mean I guess he’s pushing the narrative forward some but jeez what a douche.

Dean died nooooo

Then he became a demon…NOOOOOOOOOOOO

And he’s gonna be with Crowley

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

While the Dean and Castiel scenes got some good stuff going - Cas losing his powers and becoming mortal - why couldn’t he be picked up? The way these guys constantly drive around the country: If Dean really wanted to assure Cas was safe from any avenging angels post fall, he’s only a car ride away 😔

Anyway, kicking Cas out was a douchey thing to do but it made for good drama. As did having the two reunite a few episodes later.

There’s also the apology scene and them working together on cases, but after Dean gets the mark of Cain and Castiel gets pulled back into the angel stuff, their stories detract from one another. Dean does see Castiel again towards the end of the season but by that point he’s totally affected by the mark and Castiel is once again mixed up in angel shit so he doesn’t really get any quality time with Dean for more than half the season. It’s a shame because Dean probably could’ve used more time with his angel friend, given what the mark was putting him through. Oh, well.

[litcityblues]

Doctor Whoquest Part Eleven: Capaldi's Final Bow

I don't know if I had a favorite Doctor before I started this. Initially, I was a big fan of Tennant, but then Smith sort of moved into the lead and I didn't really keep up with Capaldi's run or Whittaker's on a regular basis, so it's been interesting to reassess where my personal rankings are ending up at as I go through this. So far, I think Whittaker's run was far better than I was led to believe by the internet, but this final season of Capaldi's, it was... *chef's kiss* just about perfect.

If you think that science fiction is all about aliens and space and technology and things that just 'aren't your thing', then you need to start with Capaldi's run. If you think that science fiction is 'genre' and is somehow 'less than' other television/media, you need to sit down and watch Capaldi's run. No other Doctor (and I'm going to attach a 'maybe' to this, as I've got two more Doctors to wrap up the Whoquest left to go- so I could change my mind) imbues the character with more emotion, humanity, and thoughtful exploration of what and who the character is that Peter Capaldi. I love his portrayal of the Doctor. I love the writing on his run. The acting is superb- not just from Capaldi, but across the board, and if there is such a thing as a perfect swan song for anyone in this role, this final season of Capaldi's might well be it.

Instantly, I love the change in dynamics and the overall tone of the season. We get introduced to a new companion, Bill Potts (Pearl Mackie), and a new setting for the Doctor (working? at a University as a Professor) and Nardole (Matt Lucas) a mysterious vault they're apparently guarding in the cellar. The whole season feels different right out of the gate and in the most perfect of ways. It feels fresh. It feels almost new again and I love it. Pearl Mackie is perfect as Bill. I love Matt Lucas as Nardole. Everyone has good chemistry with Capaldi. You couldn't ask for anything better than this and the last three episodes of the season are just... well, I can't keep using the word 'perfect', damn it, but that's what they are.

Three Episodes I Liked

'Oxygen': Okay, consider this fair warning for spoilers, because it's kind of the thing with this episode. Never mind the creepy space station where the corporation charges the employees for oxygen use colliding with AI suits wired into a company that tracks efficiency and has apparently decided via algorithm that the live crew are too expensive to keep around and thus automates everything by DEATH. The Doctor wires everyone's life signs into the space station, meaning that if they die, the station dies, thus making keeping them alive the most cost-effective solution. He pays a cost for it though- and this is the really interesting part: he's struck blind- and, remains blind for a few subsequent episodes. Really, a really interesting choice here in a great episode and something new for The Doctor to tackle.

'Empress Of Mars': I'm always a sucker for this show dipping back into sixty years of source material and updating old villains. The Ice Warriors are back! This one was a good one and it sure beats another Dalek/Cyberman episode that we've seen dozens of times before. The Victorians on Mars aspect of it all was pretty slick, though- very 'A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen'.

'World Enough and Time'/'The Doctor Falls'/'Twice Upon A Time': I cannot express to you how much I love the episode title 'World Enough And Time'- that's just... all of this was perfect. What a way to take a final bow. One thing I loved about Capaldi's final monologue and in general his performance throughout his final episodes was how he centers kindness in his performance. Kindness and doing good for the sake of doing good without fear or favor of reward.

Two Episodes I Didn't Like

'Thin Ice': Wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination, it just was largely okay. And when I say okay with this season, it was good, but I had to pick something to go here so this episode gets the nod.

'Smile': Meh. The emoji-bots were kind of fun, but 'deserted human colony in the future' feels like something I've seen before. But again, with this season, I can't say that this was a bad episode. But something's gotta go here, so...?

One Episode To Consider

'Eaters of The Light': I loved the premise of this from the get-go. Bill and The Doctor have an argument about what happened to the 9th Roman Legion and naturally, The Doctor being a Time Traveller, they go back in time to figure out who's right. Such a great premise for an episode, but the actual truth of what happened to the 9th Legion is creepy and brilliant, and Doctor Who at its most intriguing.

Overall: What a final season. What a final bow. This is the season that cemented Capaldi as my favorite Doctor in all of Nu-Who and I'm going to be fairly comfortable in that take, I think. Can't rule out changing my mind though- but I cannot describe to you how perfect and refreshing and generally awesome I found this season to be and Capaldi's run into his final appearance as The Doctor might be the greatest finale of the show full stop.

My Grade: 10/10

[wibble-wobbegong]

The Vecna Containment Theory

OKAY SO. this was a theory i spent some time working on with @grumpywheeler and I kept getting stumped on how to tie off the loose ends but then I saw THIS post by @aurorabyler (go give it some love it is seriously SO good) and I think I’ve come to a pretty good idea on one of the ways Vecna might be defeated.

The basis of this idea comes from the theory that Vecna can’t/won’t be killed. There are a few parallels in season 4 that point to this idea.

The first one is when Nancy shoots Vecna out of the Creel house. Afterwards, Steve, Robin, and Nancy all go to check out Vecna’s dead body but he isn’t there. That is actually a VERY direct parallel to Michael Myer’s “death scene”

Hint hint! Michael Myers cannot be killed and we know how much the Duffers love making references like this.

More importantly, the Duffers parallel these two scenes:

The Super Spy Scene - Will tells Mike about his fears of the Mind Flayer turning him into a spy that works against Hawkins. Mike says,

“We won’t let him.”

Mike’s promise doesn’t hold through and Will ends up as a spy for the Mind Flayer.

The “Vecna is Alive” Scene - Will tells Mike that he can still feel Vecna and that he remembers what he thinks and how he thinks. He then says,

“We have to kill him.”

Mike’s response?

“And we will. We will.”

Because these two scenes are parallels, we can also assume that they hold the same level of foreshadowing. Mike was wrong in the super spy scene: Will turned into a spy. What’s being implied in this parallel is that Mike is wrong again. He assumes they can kill Vecna just like he assumed Will couldn’t turn traitorous which basically means that Vecna cannot/won’t be killed.

So how can they defeat him?

Well, throughout season 4, we see Vecna being contained as Peter. They couldn’t control Henry so they implanted the soteria and removed him from the other numbers at some point in order to contain his powers. We all know what happened when he was set free thanks to El removing the soteria.

According to Vecna, however, El set him free twice; once by removing the soteria and another by sending him to the Upside Down, both of which result in him killing people (though the motivations at the time were different (?)). Currently, Vecna is free and we have only seen him as safe and manageable while he and his abilities are contained.

Somehow, Vecna needs to be contained. I was stuck here for a long time because El couldn’t just lock him away in the Upside Down for obvious reasons and we really don’t have any clue what Will is capable of, though it seems very likely he has some type of ability. Here is where I’m going to start playing off of that fantastic theory by aurorabyler.

If Will really can stop time, then maybe the only way they can truly stop Vecna from coming back is to freeze him in time. That is an ability that Vecna cannot counter. Vecna is a timeless being. Will, who can control time, would be able to freeze him in one moment of time forever. If he were frozen in time by Will then he wouldn’t be able to reopen any more gates, permanently locking him in the Upside Down. Contained in the Upside Down.

And Will himself actually hints at this!

In this scene he says,

“They can’t contain any of this without El.”

What he doesn’t know is that he’s also vital to containing Vecna.

anyway i have no clue how to format this properly but i have not stopped thinking about this since it was first mentioned and if i don’t get it out to the world i’m gonna die

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

@deadgodjess yeah I thought I was done being peeved about this but I just spent a full forty minute yoga session unable to think about literally anything else. starting a new post because this one has gotten unwieldy but for anyone just joining us this is the tl;dr:

sorry it’s a day later and I’m still thinking about how dirty this godforsaken show [Gotham] did the riddler. why did you have to give him such a tacky ~ooooo mental illness is SCARY!! uh oh I killed my girlfriend by aCcIdEnT!!~ origin story when it would have been infinitely funnier for Ed to just run some numbers re: how many cases would actually get solved without him and come to the completely justifiable conclusion that he can absolutely get away with quitting his job and turning to a life of riddle-based crime.

I'm going to offer my alternative for what I, personally, think would have been a more fun Riddler buildup across Gotham's 4.5 season run. I am absolutely not seeking feedback, this is a thot exercise meant to be enjoyed by me, myself, and maybe like three people that I trust on this hellsite.

anyway having our boy Ed abruptly jump headfirst into the shallow end of the homicidal maniac pool was executed in a way that was not just wildly ableist but also mmmm dumb and boring as hell and really ripped away a lot of opportunities to use this character in a more interesting way, and by "more interesting" I cannot emphasize enough that I mean "ways that I think are funnier."

if I'm being totally honest I think producers/execs whoever got nervous about the show's continuation and insisted on pulling the trigger on Ed riddling out before season one ended in the hopes that having another Batman villain active pre-Batman would help build a little more railroad for this awful show to keep careening along on. this has to play out via the manifestation of a fucking evil alternate personality because, frankly, up until this point Ed has been characterized as pretty much a total sweetheart with absolutely zero ulterior motives and possibly the only brain cell in the entire Gotham City Police Department. he is literally Just Some Guy with hamfisted autism coding and a fondness for riddles who regularly gets dismissed and bullied by his colleagues, all of whom I wish would die in a fire (except for maybe Harvey Bullock because he's really the only man bringing any kind of eye candy to this show, but we're not here to talk about that).

what I'm getting at here is that the writers had a really great opportunity to spend a few seasons showing us how life in Gotham gradually wore down a man who was one a friendly and law-abiding colleague of Jim Gordon's into a little freak in spandex who cannot stop trying to one-up a man dressed as a bat. he actually could have been a compelling foil to Jimothy, whose whole deal is that he's somehow managed to remain The Only Honest Cop In Gotham despite years of horseshit; building on the relationship between the two of them and exploring how their paths eventually diverge could have been really cool and yes, I will be drawing on that in my posthumous script doctor.

as long as we're talking about the Riddler and basically everyone else in the show sans Selina (and... sort of Poison Ivy, idk, I don't like the in-universe age lift and I don't want to contemplate it too much) I think it's stupid that Gotham is basically setting up a universe where all of Batman's iconic enemies are actually more like a bunch of middle aged assholes that Gordon already has decade-old beef with. it's dumb but it's also what I have to work with because if we tweak things any further to make Bruce and all of his future rogues teenagers together I think we're just remaking Riverdale.

sorry we got a little lost in the weeds there, I wasn't originally planning on making that and I don't want to admit how much time I wasted on it. anyway after a little "oh boohoo I'm just a poor little guy I can't believe I did murders" Ed's pretty much straight to bugfuck crazy murdertown with every other villain on this show. everybody on Gotham is like two seconds away from committing homicide at all times except for MAYBE Bruce; pretty much every recurring antagonist is a kill-happy maniac and most of the one-off villains of the week are as well. even the Penguin gaslight gatekeep girlbosses his way through a truly staggering number of people in the first half dozen episodes alone. what I'm getting at here is that dropkicking the Riddler straight into the same mold isn't just ableist or lazy - it's also the very worst thing that writing can be, which is FUCKING BORING. what if, god forbid, we had one rogue bringing a different kind of sauce to the party? in this essay I will -

season one: my pitch here is actually so simple, because I literally just want to keep Ed's characterization the same for the entire season. no abrupt slip and slide into stabbing and/or choking people to death, just a weird little dude who's around and good at his job and has a little mug with a question mark on it. he shows up once an episode for two minutes to crack the case wide open and tell a riddle and the remind the audience that he's around. "yep, that's the Riddler," they'll say. "no need to give him a violent split personality, I know where this is going and I am indeed capable of waiting for that payoff."

season two: now at this point you might be saying "Makenzie wait - is your pitch going to assume that the original storyline of Gotham is otherwise proceeding as it did otherwise? because that's going to get pretty impossible pretty fast if the Riddler has a drastically different personality/role in the show." yeah hey listen man. listen. I don't give a shit about what actually happens in the show. I give a shit about the Riddler. don't ask about this again. this all takes place in an AU where Gotham is a competently written show; I know that's sort of a stretch but bear with me.

anyway season two is when we can start getting some cracks in Riddleboy's chipper little exterior but for god's sake, let's deploy a little subtlety. probably he needs to start getting bullied more - possibly because he's notably friendly with Jim and easier to bully than Bullock, Jim's only other friend. anyway, this is how Ed learns that sometimes fucking people over is okay, actually. nothing drastic, just manipulating evidence here and there to ruin the day (and then career) of some of the biggest assholes in the department and bolster his faves (Jim). I cannot emphasize enough that the first half of the season has to be about this man realizing that most of his coworkers are VERY DUMB and EXTREMELY EASY TO MISLEAD.

come the second half of season 2 we get to see him getting a little too cocky, which will ultimately lead to his downfall. tl;dr being smarter than everyone is fun but still doesn't solve the problem of nobody else noticing or caring that he's smarter than them, and it's really starting to rankle. this will be the point when Ed upgrades to like. full sending his own boss cut-up magazine ransom notes and shit making demands to try and steer the GCPD more efficiently. there are, obviously, subtle little riddles embedded in these letters, but Gordon is the only one who will notice because Gordon's the protagonist and gets to notice things. this will end in a big confrontation, whatever, he's not going to turn Ed in because he believes Ed was genuinely acting in the interest of flushing out dirty cops, but he's also a little bitch so he IS going to tell Ed that he'll turn him in if Ed doesn't resign. Ed goes quietly and with a frankly unsettling amount of glee that someone was finally smart enough to solve one of his little puzzles. personally I love when the Riddler won't really look at or acknowledge anyone who won't play his silly little games I think that's so fun of him.

season three: the first half of season three is actually by far the most fun for me because it involves Ed a.) doing the Riddler thing where he tries to be a private detective for a while and b.) getting mercilessly bullied by all of Gotham city for a bit. you can fill in the specifics of the goofs yourself but suffice to say he's just a plucky little guy investigating some weird ass shit and still getting dumped on a lot in the process. our boy is going to have to learn to get a little unscrupulous.

it's vital that during this half of the season Jim comes to him at least a couple of times to ask for input that frankly none of the useless sadsacks at the GCPD are qualified to provide now that Ed's gone, because they're all doing the equivalent of that John Mulaney bit where they look at a corpse and go "ew! clean it up!" instead of gathering anything useful in the way of evidence. for some reason that I can't QUITE put my finger on it seems important to establish that Jim Gordon is willing to work alongside people who are operating a bit outside the law as long as he believes their intentions are good. and listen - Ed will genuinely help him! but he is also absolutely going home and idly jotting down notes for how he'd get away with exactly the crimes he helped solve.

the second half of season three involves him getting nabbed by Someone and pretty much extorted into helping them work against the GCPD on account of being a former employee who knows exactly how they investigate. what ensues is a series of crime scenes that have an abundance of fake evidence designed to lead the cops in circles that go nowhere - UNLESS you piece together some extremely abstract hints being hidden there, because Ed is sincerely making an effort to alert his old GCPD chums to what's going on. except, oh no, the stress of being held hostage is getting to him and he is SORT OF starting to enjoy how good he is at this and also beating his head against the wall in frustration over how fucking stupid literally every single one of his former colleagues is. he'll get rescued (by Jim) by the end of the season but god will he be bitter by then.

also I said he was being forced to work for Someone and it truly could be anyone in this horseass show but like. come on. it's Penguin. the rest of canon can go to hell but it's so important to me that Penguin still wants to fuck the Riddler so bad it makes him look stupid. it's just hands down the funniest thing that happens in all of Gotham and I wouldn't change it for the world.

season four: alright so Eddie boy starts this season trying to go to therapy about his whole kidnapping and probably PTSD thing but we the audience will realize very quickly that he's getting twitchy and is just purposefully playing with like. MULTIPLE different therapists and giving them all wildly different information to see if he can get each of them to give him different diagnoses. he has absolutely no idea why he's doing this except that it's fun and he evidently can. this man is living on the knife edge he's so sweaty and gross and he wants to do crime again SO bad and is really running out of reasons why he shouldn't.

if this show were written by people I could trust I'd say we could actually do a really thrilling mental health(TM) storyline here focusing in on Ed getting increasingly manipulative and ruled by compulsive behavior. I'd say the crux of his arc in the first half of the season is Jim convincing Ed to check himself in to some kind of mental health facility for his own wellbeing - probably Arkham, since it seems to somehow be the only mental health facility in Gotham despite the fact that it appears to be patterned on ghoulish 19th century sanitariums more than anything. anyway, this lasts approximately one day before Ed disappears from the facility and leaves an elaborate riddle behind, thus ending his arc for the first half of the season.

second half starts as a straight up revenge plot against Penguin because I love when these awful little homos fight with each other, but Gotham being Gotham I think a bit of an emotional roller coaster can ensue. Penguin can definitely convince Ed to ease off and work with him as more of a partner for a bit, but I still want this Riddler to be a murder lite contrast to most of the other villains in the cast so I think that will be the point of contention that ultimately drives them apart. the Penguin CANNOT stop lethally girlbossing; it's his first love.

anyway after that Ed's just fucking with the GCPD for shits and giggles because fuck 'em, am I right? he's definitely got the whole question mark suit Look going by this point; hanging out with the Penguin for too long changes a man.

season five: god I don't even know; there were only 12 episodes and one of them was for the flash forward. he tells some shitty riddles and probably gives Gordon one final helping hand but in a way that benefits him, firmly securing his status as "sometimes useful, always a bastard." all that really matters this still happens to him. this is the last we see of him, dangling next to Robin Lord Taylor in just the least convincing fake gut I've ever seen in god's green earth.

anyway sorry this got so long I'm genuinely appalled and disgusted with myself. I have problems!

[squabasaurus]

Alright, I think I've had enough time to process...

But not enough time to get over it!

WELCOME TO SQUAB'S "HOW I THINK ROTT SHOULD HAVE GONE DOWN"

I will be breaking this down and organizing somewhat by character, then probably writing a whole new post to bring it all together as a plot.

Now, I won't be taking every single bad choice out. I'm going to try and justify a few "creative choices" they make by actually giving them weight.

Before we begin, I get a lot of what I'm putting in here will absolutely not fit in a 2 hour movie. But whatever. Someday, 4 hour movies with an intermission will come back in style...

Jim

As the hero with the most seasons, Jim is the one we know the most. We've seen a lot of highs and lows for this poor boy, but we have already seen him accept himself as the Trollhunter, with or without the amulet. Giving him an identity crisis is not the worst plotline, but it is just rehashing an old plotline we already got resolved if it's about being the Trollhunter.

Fix: Let his identity crisis be about being a leader.

For a lot of his biggest moments, he was alone. Against Bular on the bridge, looking for Enrique in the Darklands, and even his fight against Angor Rot and Gunmar. But more than that, he was in the action, fighting his heart out.

It would be good to see how he does OUTSIDE the battle. Let everyone be hesitant about him joining the fight, especially since he is human again and doesn't have any protection. Push him into being a commander rather than a warrior.

This doesn't mean that's where he'll stay. Jim tend to be a very self-sacrificing character. He'd rather get hurt or even give up his own life to protect others. So show how upset he is about it. Let him hate staying behind as his friends leave for battle with the possibility of never coming back. Let him make the mistake of getting antsy and rushing into battle when things start going wrong, only to make it worse.

Let Jim be the reason some of his friends die.

Then let him mourn for more than a millisecond on them. (*coughcough*Nomura and Strickler*coughcough*)

Give him a moment where he thinks his hero days are over. Where he has to retire because even if his heart is in the right place, his ability cannot keep up.

But he can't even entertain the idea of not helping with the world ending. Which is when he can be presented the finished amulet by Blinky, or his mom, or it comes to him as he runs to the battle. He can use it to summon Excalibur, and join his friends.

Okay and this is a side-note, but how cool would it have been if they utilized the fact that Jim had a shard of Excalibur in his heart. I don't care what for, but just use it as a reminder that he was controlled and corrupted by it for a while.

But then again, it might not have been a piece of Excalibur itself, and just some controlling doo-hickey that Arthur had.

Soooooo....let's talk about Excalibur.

It was interesting enough when we left Wizards with Jim not being able to pull the sword. It left tension and a bit of mystery.

But here's the problem...Why is Excalibur important? Because it's a legendary sword from 900 years ago? Because it was wielded by an angry king who tried to kill all magical creatures, then allied with them, then tried to destroy the world? We never get a reason why anyone should pull it, other than Douxie said someone needs to wield it.

Also, why is it that it can be pulled only when Jim's friends touch the dang rock? Not even the sword itself, mind you. The freaking rock it's stuck in. The rock wasn't magical. The sword was. Why? Why why why?

Also, if the stone was that easy to take out of the hilt, there's no reason they needed to take it out of the non-magical rock in the first place. THE HILT WAS NOT IN THE STUPID ROCK.

Fix: Make Excalibur the only thing strong enough to kill a member of the Arcane Order (besides another member). It might be a little cliche, but there are worse things (as we have experienced...). This would also give the goal of each battle with the titans a different directive. Instead of trying to stop, just try to slow down enough until they have Excalibur. You can be creative in different tactics of slowing something down rather than trying to destroy it altogether. Such as tripping it, tearing it apart even if it regenerates, trying to distract them and keep them away from Arcadia.

Next: take the dang gem from the sword before it gets pulled out of its NON-MAGICAL ROCK (no, I will not get over this...)

Then, they can try to build the amulet using the power of the stone.

Which leads me to the next part: the Amulet.

While I like the idea of the amulet not working a few times, I think they didn't have enough trial-and-error with it. They just kinda tossed it to Jim saying "it's done, if it don't work it's your fault."

But here's the thing. I LOVE the idea of Krel trying to build it. In 3Below he was always the one trying to fix Mother, and he designed the wormhole to Akiridion 5, he would definitely be the one volunteering to make an impossible amulet.

Buuuuuut...

The original Daylight Amulet was designed to be constructed by magic, something that is foreign to Krel. Let him have failed attempts, like how his prototype wormhole didn't work for a long time. Let him build his versions that may work somewhat, but fail in other aspects. Like maybe the armor won't deactivate. Or it just completely doesn't work. Or it burns to wear it. The possibilities for failure are endless.

Let Douxie be a part of the process too. He WAS one of the wizards to help make the original after all. He would have knowledge about it that others wouldn't.

The lastly, let Blinky be a part of the process too. He could be prideful on the fact that he trained Trollhunters including Jim, and he knows how it should work.

With an alien, a wizard, and a troll working on it together, then it finally comes together. Give it a sense of poetic synergy.

Also, this is very nitpicky, but change the Incantation to: "For the Good of All, Excalibur is mine to command."

Because...he never uses Daylight.

He uses Excalibur...

Daylight wasn't the amulet.

It was the sword manifested from the amulet.

But whatever. Again, this is a nitpick.

Let's move onto the Kronisphere.

Ho boy.

As soon as my husband and I heard the word "Kronisphere," we knew we were in for some time travel.

Now time travel is not new in this universe, it happened in 3Below and also was the main part of Wizards. (And technically in "Unbecoming" but I always saw that as more of a vision than actual time travel.)

But here's the problem. With every single time we had time travel, it was established that every action has consequences. In "Unbecoming," when Jim gave up the amulet the world ended. In "Daja Vu," every action they took changed a little bit to bring them more information to get out of the time loop. In 3/4 of Wizards, they royally screwed up the timeline and had to fix it.

So in what way does going back in time to the very beginning of this hero's journey help? Any of his actions, no matter how good-intentioned could lead to disaster. Also, he reset every single relationship he had besides his mom and Toby. And even then, his mom and Toby were not the same people at the end as they were in the beginning. People develop and change with every good and bad.

With that being said, I need to insert that I would also change Nari's prophecy a little bit. If she wants to be a cryptic leaf, instead of:

"Trollhunter make ninth configuration. Kronisphere will make right."

Change it to:

"Kronisphere is window. Trollhunter must see."

In this case, I cut the Ninth Configuration nonsense because I'm still bitter about the non-magical rock nonsense.

Okay, I'll explain more later, but now I'm going to try and justify the Kronisphere existing in the story.

Fix: Let the world burn.

Yep, you heard me. Let them fail.

Let the fire titan merge with the Heartstone, let Bellroc win, and let everyone die. (With some of the heroes maybe dying in the process of trying to stop Bellroc, and then the remaining are gone.) bottom line: everyone is dead, the world is being reset in flames.

All are gone.

Except for one person: Jim.

And you can justify it with the Excalibur amulet, being as powerful as it is, protected him. But now he is all alone. His pixie nightmare came true: everyone he ever cared about his gone. His friends and family crumbles to ash in his hands.

The Kronisphere shows the past, present, and future. Everyone would think Nari's prophecy would mean to look into it to see the future, but it doesn't show anything helpful. Maybe it shows the world burning, but not how to stop it.

But the part where she would say "Trollhunter must see." was not to look into the Kronisphere, but to see everything that leads to their failure, and then use the Kronisphere's time stone as a window to the past to jump back and save the world.

And no, not jump back to the very beginning of Trollhunters.

Just to the beginning of the dang movie so they can finish the fight.

Okay, I am not done with Jim, but I need to talk about other characters...

Toby

Now, the weird retcon at the end of the movie did a lot. But Toby being the Trollhunter at the beginning of everything not only contradicts the idea of the amulet "choosing" a champion, but also a lot of other events.

I'm not gonna get into all of that, I'm just going to say what I would change for his part of the story.

Toby is an interesting character in that he always seemed to go for the support role. He mentions how in his dreams he's a Duke, he shied away from the spotlight at first when they met the Wumpas. But he shined greatly in his role. He was always there to support Jim, even when the situation was dire. They stood together in their battles, even before he got his Warhammer.

For these reasons, I am going to eat my words and say that he should be the Trollhunter.

Now before you crucify me, gimme a sec.

Fix: Jim offers the new amulet to Toby. This is no longer Merlin's choice, as this is not his amulet.

Jim may have been chosen as the first human Trollhunter, but Toby was always the second.

Now, you could write it where Toby becomes the next Trollhunter after the final battle where they win, but I personally would put it before. Let him have his moment, and this time Jim actually chooses to stay behind to be a leader. As the one with all the knowledge of the future, his best position is to direct everyone else and make sure they're where they need to be.

Also I'll put this here since it's related to Toby the most, but I would get rid of the anti-magic gun. If you're going to have something that cancels out magic, why only attempt to use it twice? And why doesn't it work on Jim's armor? Even if it has Akiridion technology in it, it only worked because of Excalibur's (a MAGIC sword) gemstone. It really only served to set up Toby's death, which could be executed many different way, and the anti-magic gun just had too many plot holes.

Claire

They really didn't do much with her, which was kinda disappointing. She was mostly there to be plot device for getting Nari to Skrael.

That's...that's it.

She was no help in the Chinese Trollmarket (which, if you know the place wards against shadow magic, why take her there? Take someone else...). She'd say she was "tapped out" at inconvenient moments to build drama, and was a potted plant for the rest of it.

I would have liked to see her attempting more than just portals in her shadow magic, since she now has a teacher to guide her. Like, creating shadow beasts (like the birds she made on her date with Jim in Wizards), or shadow clones (like what Morgana did when she fought Arthur and then died), or make something new up. But honestly, it's not super important...I guess. I just would've been creative and show she had actually grown in her power.

The jlaire moments in this movie gave me life. They can stay.

With the fixes I've already done, she still probably wouldn't change much. She's a well-rounded character, I don't need to mess that up.

Steve

Alright, time to bite the bullet.

Some may have found it funny, but I was super uncomfortable with Steve's...

uh...

.....

...situation?

It was played like a gag, but I wasn't laughing. It also brought into question how Akiridions reproduce, and it's already weird that an energy-based life form could even reproduce with a biological one. But say it was possible. Fine. Why wouldn't Aja tell him about the 7th kiss long before they shared it? She may have been carefree at times in 3Below, but she was never that irresponsible.

But I'll get to Aja later. We're talking about Steve.

Fix: Steve is the last knight of Camelot.

In the Battle of Killahead Bridge, Lancelot told him to carry on under his banner before dying. I think Steve would take that to heart and take pride in being a knight (even if never really was one.) He'd want to show Aja his cool new armor and maybe even pledge himself to the Akiridion throne.

These moments can still be played as jokes, but without mpreg.

Another headcanon I have is that Steve would see that Jim is no longer a troll, is therefore weaker, and wants to train him up himself. He'd announce himself as Jim's new trainer (despite Blinky being right there and Jim not really needing it). But whenever Jim got hurt, he'd say things like "This is why we needed to do pull-ups!" or something. He can still be comedic relief, just tasteful comedic relief.

Also let him have Toothache. That was like, his one weapon that was uniquely his.

Aja

Take away the pregnancy sub-plot, Aja was a decent character in this movie. She held herself well as a queen, and you can see how she's matured.

And her idea to evacuate Earth was not a bad one. But they really should have built more on that.

If anyone could understand how hard it is to leave your home when it's under attack, it's Aja and Krel. Krel might be more hesitant to leave since he wanted to stay on Earth before, but I think even he would understand how they can make new homes elsewhere.

I was half-expecting her to attempt to evacuate Earth without anyone else's permission. Defy anyone else's plan to save the Earth, and just bring ships to get the people away. I mean, she's a queen, she shouldn't need to wait for orders from anyone. Especially Jim, who she would only know through Toby, as they don't remember meeting in "Daja Vu."

And let her and Krel butt heads on whether to stay and fight, or leave with the evacuation party. They can reflect on their parents' choices, how they left Voltar to be destroyed and how it affected Tronos Madu. Or how Varvatos felt when no one would help him avenge his family.

With the siblings reunited, there's a lot of opportunity for them to talk about what it means to rule, and who they should prioritize.

Eli

Some people like Eli's glow-up, some people don't. I am in the category of those that do, because it honestly fits.

When we saw him in 3Below his voice was changing, and you could hear the puberty squeaks. It makes sense that he would finish going through puberty in the time he was gone.

Something I would change though, is give him more involvement in the fights. Yes, he designed the Gun Robot mecha (which again, some people didn't like but I loved it and I loved how Varvatos was the one controlling it) but afterwards he could have played bigger role than potted plant.

A great way he could have contributed was expanding on the parking drone/video game trick they did in season 2 of 3Below. Eli could control a small fleet of drones to attack or impair the titans. Or even use that technology for Aja's evacuation plan.

Barbara and Strickler

Their engagement was...there.

I think it was used as a device to make Barbara seem more sad about his death, but then she got into talking about Jim's dad for some reason?

crookedlymassivecrown on Instagram had probably the best idea I've seen. Which was to make Jim upset about their engagement.

Now, I wouldn't say he'd be mad, but maybe a little confused and possibly conflicted. Let him still be a bit wary of Strickler, because even if he's no longer trying to take over the world, that doesn't mean he's good enough for his mom.

But as they reconnect, and after Strickler's...less stupid death...Jim trusts him and grows into being okay with Strickler as his stepdad. On the second chance after time-travel, he gives them his blessing and even promises to make their cake.

Other Random Things I Would Change

Blinky's stuck page was ill-timed and didn't really change the course of the movie. Just let them have that info about only one of them making it from the beginning. I mean if they truly believed only taking out one would fix everything, why spread out? Why not just have everyone focus on one of them to ensure it goes down?

Let Zadra be there as a commander for the Akiridion fleet. If Aja and Krel are risking their lives to save Earth, I think they'd want to use as many resources as they can.

Have someone go find the trolls that were headed toward New Jersey and recruit some of them to battle a titan.

Alright...that's it for now.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[randomnumbers751650]

I want to talk what makes My Dress Up Darling so special to me. This will be a bit long.

At first I thought it was going to be just another pointless romcom for otaku, so I avoided it. But then a string of events happened so that I could watch and I watched the entire anime and then read the manga because it really drew me into it.

I don’t know where to start from. I feel everyone already talked about Marin, she’s the best girl of her season for many reasons: beautiful, extroverted, likes anime… If one watched just the trailer, one might think that she’s the perfect otaku bait, but she turned out to be a quite developed character. The way she talks about her passion is so genuine and she learns how to considerate – I have to admit that Marin annoyed me in the episode where she was being really inconsiderate with Gojo, by basically forcing him to take her measures. Gojo never really had experience with that, of course he’s distraught, but she kept ignoring his feelings. But then, episodes later, Marin realizes that Gojo overworked himself and her reaction is to cry because she realized she really didn’t respect him. Marin is also a really kind girl and worked up to befriend Gojo. I have the feeling the Marin of episode 1 would’ve already confessed to Gojo around episode 7 or 8, but that wouldn't be a good thing, I believe. But she learned that she needs to be mindful with her words, so I’m glad she’s taking her time, because Gojo is…a complicated case, I’ll talk about him soon.

There’s also the “mystery”. I’m not talking about mystery as something unknown, yet to be solved like in a book from Agatha Christie, but in a more ancient meaning, as an event or truth that surpasses natural reason. The fact that Gojo overworked himself to make the cosplay in time wasn’t worth it – it cost his physical and mental health, his school grades took a hit and he ended up in a wreck to deliver the cosplay for Marin. And when, Marin realized what she made Gojo do, even if it was a misunderstanding. They both realized it wasn’t worth it. I wonder if this is a commentary on work itself, people shouldn’t die for their work.

And yet, this unfortunate incident is what caused Gojo tell Marin that the word “beautiful” is exceptionally valuable to him and he said she was beautiful without even noticing and that’s what made her fall for him. How many times in our lives didn’t we go through difficult events, sometimes even life-threatening, but we still get something good out of it? Malicious people might even try to appeal to these things to pressure others into accepting their demands. Neither Gojo nor Marin would ever repeat this again, even if their friendship got stronger and, in Marin’s case, she fell in love. You cannot just replicate these same string of events – on the contrary, if you try, you can make everything worse, there’s no formula to create mysteries. It’s this way to emulate the uncertainty and unpredictability – this is why mystery is a fitting word – of real life that made the series so interesting for me.

But Gojo is really the most interesting character. At first, he’s going to be the standard betacuck protagonist (thank you Memphis, Tennessee), but he’s more complex than that. The man doesn’t even realize how traumatized he actually is. For Gojo, doll-making isn’t just a hobby, not even his career, but his lifestyle. Because his family has a business, in 20 years he’ll be a cultural icon for keeping the tradition afloat. He’ll even get his own Wikipedia article (his grandpa must have one already).

The trauma of his passion being so hostilely dismissed by another kid is what caused him to go so deep into it, to the point of simply ignoring connections with other people. His grandpa is apparently the only person whom he talks consistently. The problem is that he’s from another generation, so he can’t really give relatable advice. Isn’t it sad how Gojo just accepts his condition? The way Marin look with pity at him in the beach is a poignant moment because of this.

In this sense, Gojo resembles more an overworked salaryman that happens to love his job than a proper high schooler (since the manga is published in a seinen magazine). But he still has innocence to remind us he’s still a teenager, which is both a strength (because it allows him to experience new things as Marin recommends them) and a flaw (he doesn’t know how damaged he is). He’s learning, but he’s not learning in the pace Marin expected.

There’s nothing in the text that tells Marin wants to be the “manic pixie dream girl” for Gojo. But is it a difficult interpretation to make? Marin is a nerd, so it’s likely she’s taking this situation based on some manga she read – because this isn’t really a rare trope, in fact this is what lots of readers initially feared, that would be basic – the shy boy who blooms thanks to the help of a beautiful, nice girl. Plus, if the author made Marin say or think that, it would be too much in the readers’ face.

But the manga is ongoing and nothing is working according to Marin’s plan. Gojo still hasn’t reciprocate Marin’s feelings. So, Marin is getting more and more frustrated. She started to doubt herself and her feelings, thinking she’s making a fool of herself, that Gojo doesn’t like her or sees their relationship as strictly professional, to the point of crying and being abrasive to others. This is definitely not like her Japanese animes. Thus, she made her decision.

Gojo, on the other hand, can’t really understand or notice Marin’s feeling because…why would he? He never felt that way before. He has no friends (especially male friends), so they can’t be his wingmen and give him hints of what to do (this is starting to change after the high school festival arc, but I wish there was a small arc where Gojo get to do things with his colleagues without Marin, just to see how he reacts). Marin alone cannot be his support. On the contrary, I’m going to say something controversial, but if Marin didn’t love Gojo as much as she does, she’d already moved on and Gojo would've noticed only weeks later.

In this point is that Gojo looks like the standard harem protagonist, because of his passiveness – Gojo just lets the female character walk in and out of his life. But, in a twist, this is treated as a problem. I guess nobody likes to see Marin cry and yet Gojo did it twice without even realizing.

I have to say one thing that motivated me to write this as well was a book I read recently titled “The American Monomyth”. It’s available for free in archive dot org, and it tells a very telling critique of America media. I know MDUD is Japanese, but Japanese media has similar tropes as the American one, like the figures of the cowboy and the ronin. And romance has some similarities. Chapter 4 of the book criticizes the portrayal of how passive men are when portrayed in romances, the women are willing and men have to practically make them a favor by accepting their advances. This definitely describes a lot of harem protagonists and Gojo up to a point. But I’m glad MDUD takes a more realistic view of it (it helps the author is a woman), on the consequences to Gojo and Marin, how it can hurt both (and, as I said, of how Gojo isn’t aware of how hurt he is, sorry for repeating, it’s just that this trait is what stands out most for me).

In conclusion, MDUD really was an anime/manga that made me think. What’s frustrating (not in the strictly bad sense) is how human Gojo is in committing these mistakes, but still a good person at heart. Maybe he knows but he's on safe mode until he can figure out what to do. But he has to confront his own feelings about Marin at one point.

[callme-pako]

Spoiler Warning HELLUVA BOSS EPISODE 6

BLITZØ BIGGEST FEAR

First of all this episode FUCKING rocks. The animation was so perfect and the lighten/shading or composition was absolutely perfect I FUCKING love it.

Blitzø is afraid of intimacy and drives other away from him. That's the short answer to this blog. But it's more complexed than that...

Moxxie quotes this very important sentence: "I believe your subconscious is trying to tell you that you simply cannot fathom proper intimacy but also crave it as well, it's rather unfortunate, sir, considering it's often how you treat those that stand by you such as myself. Are you worried I may have enough of it one day as well?"

It's the fact that Blitzø's subconscious know that he can't understand proper intimacy but he is also craving it. How can you crave something that you can't understand? Blitzø doesn't understand proper intimacy because in his eyes the only thing that is close to intimacy for him is sexual intercourse (sexual relationship). And Moxxie said that he doesn't understand proper intimacy which; The closeness between people in personal relationships. It's what builds over time as you connect with someone, grow to care about each other, and feel more and more comfortable during your time together. It can include physical or emotional closeness, or even a mix of the two.

That's what Blitzø's doesn't understand he doesn't know what's the closeness in personal relationships are, he never stayed long enough to build it over time and connect with someone. We don't know how close he and Verosika were when they were dating we just assume because that they had a very sexual relationship because one of them is literally a s*x Demon and by the way that Blitzø didn't show any sympathy of what he did (stealing her credit card and driving away to the Wraith Ring and spending all the money on horse riding lessons).

Not only did Moxxie said that Blitzø is treating other with what he thinks is intimacy, he also stated that Blitzø is afraid of what if the people that he treats that way might have enough of it and leave him behind. There is currently one character that treat Blitzø with love...

Stolas, Stolas loves Blitzø and doesn't treat him like a plaything, the fact that he came to the human realm and saved him is an act of true love or proper intimacy. In Blitzø's dr*g trip Stolas ask him if he was afraid of loving and Blitzø still kept walking towards him while chains are appearing. I think that one of the reasons why Blitzø keeps running towards him is 'cuz if he doesn't do it then his past will start to haunt him even more and sees Stolas as his escapism, he may also keep going to Stolas 'cuz he is giving him what he is craving, Intimacy. Stolas is the only one that gives it to him, he should be happy that he finally found what he was always craving. But there is something that he doesn't fully recognise with Stolas.

Normally when someone shows him intimacy he drives them away and claim that he's better off alone. (Robotic) Fizzarolli is saying that he's trying to say that to everyone but he knows that it doesn't work that well. Verosika is saying that he keeps shoving everyone away until they resend them for being a SELFISH SHITTY SHIT FUCKER. They're both saying that Blitzø isn't better off alone and that he can't accept anyone's help.

But it's different now with Stolas and the others, he is in chains because he searched for Stolas himself. At first he saw Stolas and IMP as an escapism for his past thought that he could just leave them all once he feels better but he didn't. He got attached to them even though they don't always wants him but they still stay with him.

Blitzø got attached to them but Stolas got attached to him, how the table have turned. Now that Stolas got attached to him it is much harder for him to just leave him behind. He don't need to worry about the possibility of Stolas leaving him, so he has nothing to worry about, except the fact that he still is afraid of proper intimacy that Stolas gives him he has no other choice than staying with him. If Blitzø leaves Stolas then he was no way to continue his business he will likely loose Millie and Moxxie, because without a business how else will they pay the bills and the food, how else will he take care of Loona, 'cos no Stolas means no Grimoire, no Grimoire means no IMP, no IMP means no money and no money probably means no reason for M&M to stay.

That is why he is in chains and that's why Stolas is the holding the chains, if he cut off Stolas of his life, he will also automatically cut off the new life he me made with IMP.

Blitzø's biggest fear is cutting off Stolas and that's why they portrayed it like that with a fancy stare case and wings, wings that symbolise his escapism. He finally found what he was searching for and now he can't leave it behind.

'cuz if he does then he'll die alone another thing that he fears

Ending up all alone is another thing that he fears and that will happen if he cutt Stolas off his life. Without Stolas he is alone that's why he was worried that Striker may kill the only thing that keeps him from being alone.

This episode also showed that Blitzø actually fell in love with Stolas, even though this was mostly a Moxxie X Blitzø centered episode, they did a great job showing that he fell for him.

Overall this was a great episode and I can't wait to see what The SpindleHorse Studio has in store for the last 2 episode of season 1. They really out done them selves for this masterpiece.

See you next time

[knowlesian]

breaking up the pirate talk by swerving into “here’s why sometimes i am a grumpy old pedant and we are USING FILLER EPISODE WRONG” for a minute

because we are. we are using it so wrong, and it is making me crazy.

filler in writing means something you don’t need. it could be word count padding, a scene that has no effect on the overall story, etc. you could take out filler and it wouldn’t impact what you’re trying to do—it would make your work better.

and that doesn’t mean filler is a synonym for bad writing! i mean, sure. it can be, and sometimes it is.

as a lost fan (and a finale... realist? the lost finale is an amazing episode of tv and a terrible one crammed together. i can recite the ‘nobody does it alone, jack’ speech from memory. also: there’s a magic buttplug holding in the island’s radiant magic light? the island has a magic lightshow butthole. i cannot make these things up, i am simply not funny enough. ANYWAY.) i would say lost often perfected the craft of the well-written filler ep.

and then sometimes they were the exact other thing, but they’re a great example for the first so that’s what i’m concentrating on.

lost was stuck in a place where they could only pull certain plot triggers if they knew how much storytelling time they had left, and since they were making abc oodles and oodles of money the network was not exactly about to let them set an endgame up with any confidence.

and thus: lost spun its wheels. soooo many wheels spun. and some of those episodes are among my absolute favorites. i love the tailies: i will die on the hill of loving the tailies. 

nothing the tailies bring to the story is absolutely needed, and honestly they clutter up the narrative more than they help it. the only real thing we need there is bernard, and he could have entered the narrative another way. (don’t @ me about libby, fellow lost fans, we all know they fumbled the libby ball.) 

and the hurley fixes the van ep? it’s a fun episode! but it’s not actually doing much for us but repeating what we already knew.

everything the van episode accomplishes could be done better, in a way that ties back to the overall plot and/or enhances the characterization.

which brings me to the actual core of the reason i hate how ‘filler ep’ is used: we use it to mean that nothing is blowing up or on fire at the moment, either metaphorically or literally.

and that’s just... not filler! that’s good writing. 

stories need rise and fall, and using action/flashy moments to stand in for the hard work of making every single word count and inform the story is cheap.

there was an episode of yellowjackets mid-season that everyone from friends i knew who also watched to legit critics called filler; the episode in question set up huge plot arcs, developed relationships, and if a viewer didn’t watch it they would be utterly lost on the context for some very important future developments.

but nothing huge happened literal action-action wise, because they were in favor of balancing creeping dread with constant payouts.

i have a lot of cranky opinions about why and how this slide into ‘if you’re not stabbing somebody in the neck or revealing a SHOCKING TWIST it’s filler’ started, but: it’s bad! it incentivizes and encourages bad writing, and conditions us to concentrate on surface action without realizing good writers don’t just write on the surface.

tldr we should stop saying filler ep when we mean ‘this writer/team knows how to build a story without relying on shock and awe to paper over weak writing’, the end.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 314: ...Or You Live Long Enough to See Yourself Become the Villain

Previously on BnHA: Some random assholes were all “let’s throw exploding spears at All Might and see if it activates his Conqueror’s Haki” and SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS, IT DID!! Elsewhere, Lady Nagant confusingly tried to capture Deku alive by shooting him in the stomach, but to be fair I guess that’s what happens when you send an assassin to do a bounty hunter’s job, so yeah. Deku was all “ouch”, and then because this is a shounen he basically just straight up forgot about it, and did a big fancy Smokescreen thing, and then activated his mildly incomprehensible new ki-blasting quirk which he got from the Third. En and the Third were all “hey Deku maybe let’s not just impulsively activate all this shit in the heat of battle when you don’t know how to use it yet and you’re already injured,” and Deku was all “thanks for the quirks guys but I’ll take it from here” and snuck up on Nagant and grabbed her arm and so now what’s going to happen I wonder.

Today on BnHA: Nagant is all “[shoots Deku again]” because of course she is lol. Deku is all “tell me about AFO!” and Nagant is all “why would I tell you anything?” and then proceeds to tell him her entire life story which is FILLED WITH SO MUCH MURDER, YOU GUYS. Holy shit. So basically she was an assassin for the HPSC, which we already knew, but somehow it’s one thing to know that, and another to actually see her running around capping dudes in the forehead and being covered in more blood than the elevator from The Shining. Anyway, so you’ll never believe it, but all that murder had a negative impact on her psychologically, and eventually led her to question everything she believed about hero society, and so she killed her creepy boss and was promptly sent to Tartarus. This extremely fun chapter ends with Overhaul showing up all “HI, HELLO, I’M STILL HERE”, because for some reason he is still here. Why are you still here, Overhaul.

“the beautiful Lady Nagant” oh you know your audience don’t you Horikoshi

well all right then! so I’m guessing this means that she is not, in fact, going to roll over and die just because Deku’s out here all “GOT YA!” like they’re playing a game or tag or something. ffff may the manga gods have mercy on our young suicidal protagonist

lmao so Deku is all “GOD I’M SO SMART, WHAT A GOOD STRATEGY I HAD, CAPITOL JOB THERE OL’ CHAP, CAPITOL” and lol, okay. I mean, it was a good plan though. but I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop here

“I’ll make you give me information on All for One” well there you go, lol. Deku Angst arc still fully engaged. still no light in his eyes either of course. just a lil chaotic ball of sleep deprivation and rage

lol, fucking THANK YOU though

oh my god what the hell did she do to him lol

did she shoot him with her elbow??? fucking look at this?? THIS IS WHY WE LISTEN TO HAWKS oh my god Deku are you dead

WHAT’S HAPPENING, IS THIS GOOD OR BAD, WHO’S WINNING

things that I wish I could tell from this panel which I unfortunately cannot tell

did she stab him or shoot him?? can you imagine if it was the former lol. why does Horikoshi keep stabbing all my kids. look Kacchan now the two of you can match

did she actually hit him or did he get away??

or did she hit him and then he jumped away?? just, what

well anyway, so now Deku is asking her why she sided with AFO, but he seems a lot more pissed off than when he was interrogating Muscular, though. probably because she shot him three times. fair enough

oh my god

does Lady have a blog here on tumblr dot com?? -- does Horikoshi have a blog here on tumblr motherfucking dot com?? why do I suddenly feel like this man is out here sneakily reading up on all our discourse

oh my god Deku it’s almost like getting up close and personal with someone who can shoot custom bullets from any distance and any position with deadly accuracy was a terrible fucking idea

IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD WARNED YOU NOT TO ENGAGE WITH HER AT ALL COSTS. IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD HAD THE FORESIGHT TO DO THAT sob. can you imagine how much shorter this series would be if characters actually listened to Hawks. Hawks, and Momo. why do we even let anyone else run the show ever

OH MY GOD

DEKU, RUN

OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

this looks a lot like what happens to me whenever I play One’s Justice. those fucking combo attacks that you can’t fucking escape from and so your character just has to stand there getting their ass whalloped repeatedly while you wonder why you paid $40 for this

but anyways though. so Lady who did you kill?? I bet they deserved it, don’t worry I forgive you

(ETA: ANYWAY SO FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT LADY NAGANT DID NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. aside from murdering all those innocent people and shit. but there were CIRCUMSTANCES, and THEY WERE EXTENUATING, OKAY.)

-- holy shit

looks like the HPSC arc is back on the menu boys

so are we about to learn that the HPSC was going full Hydra on people’s asses? secretly dispatching anyone they deemed a threat to society?? “taken care of” as in you fucking shot them??

so then was the “hero” she killed actually one of the guys who was giving or carrying out these orders?? holy shit Lady, up until now I’ve mainly just been stanning you for your flawless eyebrow game and metal af quirk, but this shit could actually get real very quickly, and I am prepared to genuinely and sincerely love the shit out of you depending on what we learn next about your backstory

oh my god?!?

so wait, hold up. am I reading this right?? basically the HPSC started murdering vigilantes because they were worried they were gaining too much of the public’s favor?? holy fucking shit???

oh my GOD oh my god

“it’s been a while since I scarred you all with the dead dog and the graphic slaughter of an entire innocent family, huh,” Horikoshi says thoughtfully. “anyway so what do you all think of my new creation, the Spaghetti Bullet.” well, Horikoshi, so you know that squished-up face that Kermit the Frog makes sometimes? yeah. that’s what I think, if you must know lol

holy hell the juxtaposition

I’m actually kind of surprised to learn she had a lot of fans? what with her M.O., I was expecting her to have been an underground hero like Aizawa, but apparently not? then again I still have absolutely no idea how any of that works. I really need to read Vigilantes already

oh snap

nothing like a sweet dose of assassin trauma to finally round out our BnHA Trauma Bingo!! well done guys, we finally collected all of the traumas! hooray!

noooo Ladyyyyyyy

holy shit what a fucking chapter. like, this man promised us an assassin, and went and fucking delivered. I was not expecting it to be this dark, lol, but holy shit I am here for it

you know, at some point you have to start questioning the logistics of this, though

I mean, how do I put this... her quirk isn’t exactly subtle. that murder scene from a few pages back looked like the first season of Dexter for fuck’s sake, that’s not exactly “disappearing” people now is it?? and I mean, her bullets are literally made from her own fucking hair; it seems like it would be impossible not to leave any evidence behind. did no one start to wonder who the fuck was going around murdering all these people? or did the people who asked too many questions wind up getting conveniently “disappeared” themselves??

and hey, speaking of asking too many questions

holy shit is he blackmailing her??!? or no, wait -- what the hell is he reaching for in his pocket boy you better not

(ETA: what exactly was this man expecting fdslkjd. “uh oh my unstoppable hair trigger assassin who is literally always armed is asking questions, better announce that I am going to shoot her and then reach into my pocket veeeeeery slowly while she stands there all of two feet away.” how did this guy ever function as the head of a shadow government with these decision-making skills, I’m genuinely baffled.)

OH MY GOD LADY YES

this. right here. is why “run the fuck away” was damn good solid fucking advice. oh shit. but my god did this dude have it coming

so wait lol has she just been narrating all of this out loud to Deku this entire time

okay but can we just stop for a moment and appreciate the fact that they’re having this deep conversation about the dark secrets of hero society right in the middle of their intense mid-air sniper free-for-all lol

holy shit you guys, Nagant’s the one that should have made the tell-all video. I mean, no offense to you, Dabi, I’m sure you worked very hard on your video and did a ton of crunches every day so that you would look good with your shirt off while you told the world all about how your dad was a jerk. but seriously...

this is already like 100x more convincing than what he put out. also, gasp, is it another flashback

yes it is oh my gosh

so the HPSC Chairladyperson whom ReDestro killed used to be this guy’s direct subordinate, huh? I wonder if she kept the whole assassin program going after she took over. can’t say I was feeling any particular kind of grieving way about her death before, but certainly not now lol

but unfortunately Nagant has finally lost me at the same place where all of the villains inevitably do, which is to say when they somehow make the dubious mental leap from “society sucks and is bad” to “let’s just be openly fucking evil lol, worth a shot.” because when heroes murder innocent people and cover it up, that’s obviously bad (and I mean, it absolutely fucking is lol, don’t get me wrong); but when villains murder innocent people straight up out in the open without giving a fuck, they’re righteous revolutionaries? just -- is there really no non-murdery middle ground here?? I guess that’s what Deku and co. are for, hopefully

anyways oh shit Deku seems to have spotted something?? and he’s doing something weird with Blackwhip what

oh, he spotted her, I guess

lmaooooo

new favorite Deku panel right here. a masterpiece

oh my god you guys our little boy is starting to grow up before our eyes

you love to see it. and you can tell with those elipses that he’s gearing up to say something really cool and determined and badass like the shounen protag he is, yes please, Deku ilu so much please do your thing

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

IS THAT A TEENY TINY LIL EYE SPARKLE THERE OMG. still not anywhere close to his usual standard, but that’s some clear resolve there in his eyes there at long last! it always shines the most clearly when he’s being true to himself and his ideals, so I love that it finally shows up again here, when he’s reaffirming his resolve to help others no matter what

uh oh so what’s Lady going to do now

is it time for a trump card?? kinda sounding like it’s time for a trump card

???

I lied btw, this is my new favorite Deku panel. but anyways what is she up to now lol

ohhhhhh, lol

why does she seem shocked, lol. here I thought this was part of her plan, but apparently she forgot all about ol’ “Look Ma, No Hands” back up there

and so I guess that’s it for this week! so we’ve learned basically everything now about Lady and her quirk and her history with the HPSC and why she agreed to work for AFO. pretty much the only question that still remains is why the hell she decided to drag this asshole along for the ride! because I still cannot figure that out dsklkjlkf

(ETA: actually now I’m kind of wondering if they maybe have some past connection we don’t know about yet. when exactly was Nagant sent to Tartarus? is it possible she was ordered to track down and kill Overhaul at some point before that, but never got around to it? or something else along those lines? idk but now I’m curious.)

anyways Deku, I know that your empathy has no bounds and that you’re on a “saving villains” kick right now, and good on you... but also, if you decide to just like, skip all of that shit just this once, absolutely no one will hold it against you, I’m just saying. just, all I’m asking here is maybe let’s think twice before we start trying to reform guys who imprison and torture little girls for profit. I think maybe that’s a good place to draw the line. next week is going to be a very interesting chapter lol