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#and it hit me hard because i have been on this kick recently
alwaysbethewest · 1 year
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May 2022
The path is built on sand A thousand years' worth Firm and narrow directing your feet Keep going forward And there is no chance of getting lost
Flowers line both sides Pale pink bell-shaped and Fat thistles budding and So many small orange poppies Cups eagerly open to collect the fog dew
All peaceful quiet except The ocean surf below Gently crashing waves And the funny bark of elephant seals Lazing on the beach
To your right the hill crests You scramble up it Anticipating Breathless The beauty still catches you by surprise
Blue ocean and White surf and Tan beach and Grey sky Everything vast and timeless
Limitless Like the breath in your lungs
Your mind is empty But in the best way Revelatory You don't need to get high when You have this
Quail on fence posts Deer roaming where they will Cows in the road You drive past slowly And stop to stare Locking eyes with a badger For the first time in your life
This was a wrong turn But it doesn't feel wrong Knowing you would have missed The quail and the cows and the hawk and The badger with its mouse dinner caught in its teeth
If every path takes you somewhere Maybe there is no getting lost
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gibbearish · 5 months
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the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice
#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email#ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown#at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in#and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm#m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚#(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say)#n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna#keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time#so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool#and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said#or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚#then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i#need anything‚ thank you'#and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case#i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only#acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard#keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before#and still my sentences prevail
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dungeonpuppykai · 9 months
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When I want to read dark fics, your writing just hits. One of my guilty pleasures recently has been dark!winter soldier stuff and I was hoping you could write one.
If you can, can you make it where Bucky is still the Winter Soldier and finds himself completely enamored with the reader. He stalks her briefly and decides he has to have her. So where it gets dark is mean, brooding soldier kidnaps reader and makes her his housewife. (I’d like to think that some of Bucky’s 40ness is still there along with some good old fashion 50s idealization where he basically molds her into being his perfect little housewife.)
He can still be with hydra or not but this thought has been buzzing around in my head recently and I personally am not good at writing dark fics.
Um, hell yes I can! Also, not me having almost exactly the same idea (it was in my drafts and I totally merged it with yours). Sorry for being late uni kicks my butt hard TT. Also, please note that this is a headcanon kind of situation type deal but apparently there's a limit to how many bullets you can put per post so that's why it looks the way it does! Hope you like it still. Unedited ❤️
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Warning(s): Dubcon (just to be safe), stalking, kidnapping, housewife kink, stockholm syndrome, spanking, misogyny, domestic discipline, breeding kink (dash), age gap (I mean, man is over a century old). Contains mature content. Browse at your own discretion. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! 
You are absolutely shit faced as you stumble out the backdoor of the club with two of your girlfriends tangled around each arm. 
You are all giggling, stumbling and slurring out curses, trying to shush each other as you trudge your forms to your apartment complex that is close by because driving is obviously out of question now. 
Were it not for your overly intoxicated state, you would have totally noticed the dark silhouette that stills in the dark alley facing the backdoor. 
The man masked in the darkness tilts his head to the side as he tries to read your party, having gotten caught off guard by the sudden bursting open of the door. 
One of your friends stagger in his direction and he moves back, his labored breaths warm in his mask, watching the girl as she retches her guts out.
Silence follows the wheezes and gags of the girl.
Then there is a sound– a melody in the air.
Soldat feels something stir within himself.
Something his masters did their best to suppress. 
Not that they would be doing any more of that. 
They needed to be alive to do something like that ever again.
His eyebrows furrow as he scans your group for the source of the sound; you. 
You are laughing.
At your friend that is throwing up.
Hands clutching your hurting sides, eyes scrunched, head thrown back, flushed and sweaty face vibrant under the bright moonlight as your hair frames it in the most perfect way possible. 
A shaky breath escapes the man covered in tears and blood of his captors and oppressors.  
His eyes scan your form. 
Beautiful. 
His metal hand clenches into a fist and he makes his resolve almost instantly;
Mine.
Soldat cannot recall much of his past except for a few things like his name.
But he knows that it has been a long, long time. 
And it's time to go home.
But a home is not walls and concrete. 
It is the people that live in it. 
His head is a mess as he scales a wall and follows you to your building, skipping from roof to roof effortlessly with a careful eye on your form.
James had finally broken free against hydra yesterday morning while they were experimenting something more brutal. 
And during the following hours, all various leaders that made the organization what it was were dead.
For what is a structure without its pillars?
He had plundered them single handedly. 
And now he was a slave no more.
James would live, and he would take.
Just as had been taken from him.
You woke up the next morning, sprawled across your bed.
As you winced and sat up, you could swear you had knocked out on the couch last night. 
But since you couldn't teleport, it was probably just a gap in your memory.
Right?
The second sign was the painkillers and water next to you on the bedside table.
The third was the window of your room that was open wide.
But you shook your head as you were behind on your schedule for the day and got on with your busy university student life. 
You should have taken notice of the signs. 
How things would always somehow work out when you were struggling with some sort of a problem. 
Regardless of whatever type of an issue it was. 
Your friends joked about it as Divine Providence. 
And Divine it was, you lived to learn. 
When it happened, it wasn't after a dramatic chase or anything. 
You had simply woken up in a room you had never seen before, tucked in the bed like it had been yours for ages.
What even happened? 
You had finished an assignment before heading to bed for an early class the next morning. 
But now you were timidly surveying the room, more and more panic filling you by the passing second. 
The house is beautiful and bright outside the dark room you had woken up in, big glass windows facing tall trees and various other type of greenery outside. 
A loud gasp escaped you when you were somewhere in the middle of the living room.
You turned around to find a huge and by that you mean, giant man standing a few steps away from you.
You could swear he wasn't there a minute ago.
But now he is towering over you, head tilted to the side as if interacting with something from an outer planet, eyes scanning your form slowly. 
As if he's savouring the sight of you in a…
Your blood runs cold as you look down to realize that you are dressed in a white sundress with yellow and red flowers printed on it.
Your eyes widen in horror.
Because you had been wearing your PJs last night–
Or, rather, the last time you were awake.
Before you can say anything, he extends a hand towards you invitingly, nodding sideways to what seems to be the kitchen. 
Something in his hand glints in the sunlight coming from the windows.
It is when your panicked vision realizes that the hand and the whole arm is made up of metal, your body backs away.
With your mouth agape, you demand shakily.
"Who the hell are you?" 
He sighs. 
"What the hell is this place? Why am I here? What the fuck is going on?!"
The man's features scrunch in disapproval. 
Your choice of words is much unappreciated.
"Good little wives don't ask questions." 
In his angry, fried and entitled delusional mind you are as much in love with him as he is.
Otherwise, why would you just accept all the favours he did for you during all these months he was building a perfect home for the both of you and your future children?
He takes a step in your direction and you leap back.
After a short game of cat and mouse, you are trapped against the glass window.
He is too close. 
There is a heavy looking vase on the table next to you.
The shock on his face is evident.
He hadn't expected you, his wife, such a small and innocent girl to disrespect her husband like this. 
You whimper in horror when he doesn't budge against the decoration piece exploding against his brow bone.
James' eyes narrow as he leans in, a thick stream of blood running down the hurt side of his face.
"Bad girl" and you take off without a second thought.
Thankfully, the door is straight ahead and surprisingly unlocked.
You run without looking back. 
The man is not chasing you like you expected. 
But you don't want to stick around and find out why. 
Though the reason is soon revealed when you race through the little garden and out of the fence door. 
You are looking behind you and at the house so it is not until you are a good distance away from it do you turn your head to look ahead. 
Icy horror pierces its way down your spine.
Sand and palm trees dominate your vision as far as you can see where you are and your right side.
A devastatingly vast ocean washes the shore you are running on from the left side.
That doesn't stop you until your body gives up after a few minutes. 
You ran into the jungle for some cover.
Sobs and tears burst out of you as you collapse on a blanket of leaves.
Your body is weak and confused. 
Many hours pass.
You wander and starve.
You hide and shake.
You tip toe and give up.
There are wild animals all around you.
You can hear them.
It's terrifying. 
So terrifying that when you hear the stranger's voice some time after dusk, you are almost glad.
Are you done? His bright blue eyes that you can make out even in the dim light ask you silently. 
"How'd you even find me?" You were sure you had run a good couple miles.
He refuses to respond until you place your shaking hand in his awaiting metal one. 
"I can smell you" his accent is almost foreign as he pulls you up, frowning at your hurt bare feet. 
It took you hours to get to where you were but it only takes James a few minutes to get you back home. 
"Before I clean you up, I need to punish you." You are baffled. "Good wives don't run away from their husbands." 
He doesn't listen to any of your protests and reason that day or ever.
"Little girls don't know what is right for them. Only their husbands can decide that." 
He thoroughly washes you that night after giving you the worst spanking, paying no mind to your begging and crying.
You are sniffling as you sit on the bathroom counter wrapped up in a towel an hour later, your sore ass buzzing under you.
Your captor is kneeling in front of you as he tends to your hurt feet. 
He tells you your rules as he does so.
"First, you are to always obey me no matter what. Second, your body belongs to me as I am your husband, so you should not try to deny me of it because it will never end well for you. Third, you will respect me or you will live to learn to do so. Four, you will do your chores like a good wife and fulfill your wifely responsibilities. Five, you are to always accept your punishments and thank me for disciplining you after I am through with you, should you choose to break a rule or misbehave. Six, you will not indulge in any activity that can potentially corrupt your little mind. Seven, you will speak with respect and never out of turn. Eight, you are to always greet me when you wake up or if I have been gone a while. Nine, you can try to run. I will never stop you. But when you return home after failing, you will take your punishment obediently. Ten, you must never touch yourself. You are mine and mine alone." 
Since the spanking is still fresh on your skin you panic a little and fear forgetting them.
But you find them pasted on the fridge the following morning because he knew you were too dumb to remember them.
A few days pass before you explode about not being his wife and call him crazy.
"You weren't saying that when I did you all those favours." 
Horror dawns upon you as you realize that it was him all along.
You don't give up easily, though.
You try to run more times than you can keep count.
Every direction, every plan and every map you make proves to be useless.
Because the last time you do so, you realize that you are on a fucking island.
And since there is a dock near the house with the pantry never running low on groceries, James has a means of transport hidden somewhere is no mystery. 
But you don't know when he does it. 
So far you haven't been able to figure out a pattern. 
Either he was right about you being dumb or your captor was really good at staying one step ahead of you.
Anyways, you have no choice but to return to him crushed and sobbing as always.
He is reading something when you collapse between his legs; ready to accept your punishment as you have learnt that hiding and denying only makes it worse. 
James isn't so bad if you follow his rules. 
He is just a kidnapper and a misogynist with dangerous reflexes. 
His face is smug as he puts the book away. You have noticed that he is not as stiff and troubled as he used to be when you first woke up here months ago at this point. 
"How was it, doll?" He loves to hear you talk about it as he bruises your ass. "Any luck?" 
Today, though, something different happens.
You don't know if it's resignation and surrender finally settling in or if you have actually started to like this life.
How James gives you a nod of approval and pats your head rewardingly whenever you follow all your rules without any trouble.
The way he lets you stay up past your bed time (yes you have one because good wives are healthy for their husbands) to read a book or watch a movie.
If you were extra good and talked to him (though he was a man of a few words) and helped him out with a little farming thing he had going on in the backyard/patio, he would even let you sleep in the following morning. 
No stress or pulling yourself through classes and tight budgets.
Just being what he considered good and then whatever you would mention briefly would be in the house within the next few days.
When he is done punishing you, you thank him and apologize according to routine. But then you hug him.
You tell yourself it is due to the sad reality that your torment is your comfort.
Has to be.
You have no choice.
And then something unexpected happens in the course of the next few days. 
While trying to make the best out of this situation, you start to notice the little things, quirks and rituals, habits and mannerisms of this man. 
How he doesn't say anything if he doesn't like a certain ingredient or condiment in something you cooked but pushes it aside to use as compost later.
The way he holds you extra tight some times when he mutters a foreign language in his sleep. 
How he stares at the scary metal arm after a long day while waiting for you to finish up dinner.
Or the way he struggles to hold himself back whenever you are in a close proximity to him because you cried once he crept his hand up your ass in a sexual way. 
You don't get him sometimes.
His morals are as mysterious as him. 
Because he kidnapped you and forced you to be his wife in a '40's way, strips you to spank and humiliate you during punishments, then bathes and comforts you in his own way of silently holding you against his chest in his arms until you calm down.
Your tears don't effect him. 
But then he refuses to touch you sexually after the one time he tried.
It takes you a while to make the most peace that you can with James, but it happens eventually because you don't have a choice.  
The loneliness starts to drive you mad otherwise.
You are helping him with his farming one day when you collapse.
James isn't happy to find out that you haven't had any of your daily water intake for the day. 
After he is sure you are hydrated, it is punishment time because caring for yourself is also a rule you are supposed to never break.
Your ass is red and seething by the time he's done. Everything is pretty much routine except that you don't sit up to apologize and maybe hug him like usual.
Not even when he pats your ass to signal that he's done.
"H- Hubby?" You sniffle as you use the endearment.
It had been a proud discovery of yours.
James always gave in a little whenever you used it.
"Yes, little mouse?" You bite your lips as your thighs tremble.
Fuck.
"Y- You say we are husband and wife…"
"What about it?"
You bite your lip as you push your ass out and towards him, letting your legs part.
"Then why don't we act like it?" James is good at concealing his emotions and showing restraint.
But he can't help the way his cock hardens at the sight your pretty red thighs reveal to him.
Your perfect pussy is glistening with your creamy arousal, the entrance of your vagina blinking to indicate its need to be filled.
Fuck. 
Though James starts off small and slow with his fingers rubbing your cunt, the night ends with him balls deep into your pussy with his length rearranging your organs.
Whatever was left of you to own for him, he does so after that night.
You cannot go on for long without having some sort of physical proximity to him.
The sex is wild and it's amazing with his stamina. 
It is also instrumental in bringing you two closer than ever. 
James opens up to you slowly, but only when you ask about it.
You had done so in the past as well. 
But since it's genuine curiosity now, he feels comfortable telling you all about it.
It is a lot for you to take in and you almost don't believe him until he shows you some of his belongings from his time.
Things drift on as smoothly for a while as the waves outside your house.
And then comes the ultimate test. 
Which decides the course of your future with him.
He is still asleep one morning when you wake up.
It isn't a usual occurrence. 
But you had introduced him to comics lately and he had been obsessed with them despite claiming that they were too childish and unrealistic. 
While he had a metal arm himself…
You adjust the quilt before getting ready for the day and heading out to make breakfast. 
It is when you realize in panic that there aren't any apples left even though James had asked you to make a grocery list (that started when he started trusting you more) and you had assured him that you had enough apples for a while.
"I am gonna get the hairbrush today, I swear to God!" You mutter to yourself as you rush through the house like a headless chicken. 
Thankfully, your garden had an apple tree so you could save yourself from a breakfast spanking at the very least.
But something standing next to the dock catches your attention before you can the apples you try to budge free from their branches.
A motorboat. 
Before you can decide what you think of it, you are standing next to it on the dock.
It has fuel and a map. The key is in the ignition.
You narrow your eyes and feel your head splitting. 
A lot goes through your mind.
Flashbacks play before your eyes.
It is almost a full circle moment. 
And then you are standing in front of James who is seated on a stool next to the kitchen counter you use for dining. 
His head is lowered as he sips on his coffee and stabs at the breakfast you prepared with a fork.
"Hubby?" Your captor freezes before he slowly looks up at you. 
The blue of his eyes is troubled. He is in disbelief. As though he wasn't expecting you to be standing here.
"There is a boat outside. Do you think someone could be–" 
"You didn't leave." His voice is heavy. 
"What kind of a wife leaves her home?"
You two just stare at each other for a while. 
No words exchanged.
Then, for the first time ever, James gets up and hurriedly closes the distance between you two, enveloping you in his arms before pushing you against the wall behind you.
"I felt so angry and wronged that I thought I could take anything because I deserved it after everything that happened to me but… I love you too much, mouse."
He has never spoken this earnestly before.
"I just realized that I do too."
James kisses you passionately before you wrap yourself around him and close your eyes blissfully. 
He tightens his own arms around you gladly.
He would have hated to end up back on square one with you had you chosen to try and escape. 
The boat would have blown up a small fuse that would have been loud enough for his enhanced hearing if someone– you, were to turn the keys in the ignition.
Yes, he wasn't expecting you to be back but only too soon.
It was a test and you passed. 
As always, James stuck to his ways and rewarded you for being such a good wife. 
By giving you a ring, a new wardrobe and a baby that was the first of many to come.
.
What do you think hAH-
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straawberries · 5 months
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I AM GOING TO BE KICKED OUT IN 6 MONTHS AND I AM NOT MAKING MONEY FAST ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO AVOID HOMELESSNESS
hey girls its me again. ill.. try to keep this brief? as brief as i can atleast.
if you havent seen my previous posts, hi, my name is delilah, im an autistic transgirl system with ptsd thats living in an abusive household where im barely fed and am constantly miserable, and to top it all off, the second my birthday hits on JUNE 1 2024, i am going to be kicked out. i want to make around $2000 dollars before then, but i only have about $350 right now. at my current rate, i wont be able to reach my goal, and i dont know how im going to get housing if i dont. to repeat in big text so people pay attention:
if i do not get about $1700 more in donations before june 1 2024, i am going to be homeless.
im trying.. really hard to not give up but its looking bleak. because i live in a small town in texas where everyone knows that im an autistic trans loser, ive been unable to get a job, and ive been forced to do this. i dont enjoy being forced to rely on other people's kindness, but its the best and atp really the only option i have.
C*SH*PP - @delilahswagga
P*YP*L - @delilahkill
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i make pixel art too! dm me if youre interested, i do most things including furries/anthros, humans, chibi/dolls, backgrounds and scenes, and small animations
a lot of scams claiming things like this have been going around, so ill talk about myself some. click the readmore if you want to read that.
i have a really big love for performing, i fell in love with theatre years ago and performed the addams family musical as fester about a month ago as my biggest role on stage yet, and right now im in the process of getting ready for antigone as teiresius. i love music, and its one of my life goals to learn as many instruments as possible, and currently i own quite a few, though my favorites are my two ukuleles and my super cool electric guitar. i have 8 partners at the moment, and i have a very big desire to one day live with as many of them as i can. i pride myself on being the best partner i can be, and its been my goal to make all my partner's lives better (and i think ive been doing a good job at it :3)
i love cats an extreme amount, ive never had a cat myself (because my dad is insane and hates cats and tries to hit cats with his truck) but being around cats makes me super happy and always makes my anxieties go away, even when im having an anxiety attack or a panic attack. i really hope i can get a few cats one day, and i want to give them all silly food names :) my fursona is kind of a reflection of that, her name is bagel. some cat names ive thought of are mochi, chili, Supreme Pizza, or maybe french fry :)
im not sure if ill be able to achieve any of my goals if i dont get the financial support i need. ive been.. really close to giving up recently, but i dont want to have to do that, so im going to fight like this for as long as i can.
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letstalkaboutshtufff · 2 months
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Never a Burden
Neteyam x Reader Mate
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Summary: You don’t want to bother Neteyam with your issues but things keep getting worse with another clan member won’t leave you alone…
Warning: Mentions of injury, cursing.
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“Don’t cause trouble” was a line Neteyam constantly said to his younger brother over the years, and now that mantle of troublemaker had been passed over to you, his mate.
Neteyam loved you more than life but by god you were a handful and then some. You were like a magnet for sticky situations and more often than not Neteyam had to come to your rescue.
Like the time some visiting Navi from a neighboring clan were bullying a harmless forest creature so you “intervened”. He yelled at you for being careless and putting yourself in danger.
Or the time your necklace flew off during a flying session so you promptly dived and searched the waters for hours until you found it. You came back soaked and shivering late into the night with the beads in your hand.
“What were you thinking!?” He scolded quickly wrapping you up in a warm blanket.
“B-b-but it’s the necklace you gifted me…” you chattered and he let out an exasperated sigh.
These situations were a frequent occurrence since he met you however he realized soon on that that was a package deal with being your mate. He’d take that deal any day.
Your husband had been endlessly busy on raids the past few months, only coming home to regroup and head back out. He was beyond exhausted most of the time, coming into your tent and falling asleep in your arms almost instantly
Usually Neteyam had patience and a level head but these past months proved to be a heavy challenge. Which made sense since so much was riding on his shoulders.
You felt bad for him which Is why you didn’t want to bother him with your troubles. Even if this situation wasn’t exactly your fault…
Recently a nearby clan had teamed up with yours to battle the sky people. This clan was different than yours, hard headed, brutal, our clans didn’t usually get along but they had a common enemy which made them a strong ally.
However some of the clans males had been targeting you. It started off small at first, taunts here and there. You weren’t a warrior which is why they criticized you as the oleyektens mate. But lately they’ve been getting more bold, one male in particular, Tu’Mey, their ring leader had been degrading you, commenting on your body and how neteyam must hate rutting with such a skinny female.
Today was when he finally crossed the line, you were gathering herbs in the forest with Kiri when she left early because of a headache.
You didn’t think anything of being alone until a familiar voice had you cursing.
“What are you doing out here all alone huh?” Tu’Mey emerged from behind a tree with a grin. He was alone which you didn’t know was better or worse.
“None of your business.” You snatched your basket up and threw him a glare as you went to move past him back to camp, you let out a little gasp when he grabbed your arm instead. That was the first time he had touched you.
“Let go of me!” You hissed and pulled but he didn’t relent.
“Heh so weak, what does a great warrior like your husband see in you huh?”
His grip was strong and you felt a moment of panic.
“Enough, let go asshole!” You punched at him with your other hand but it was like hitting a boulder. He easily grabbed your other hand and pulled you closer. Your eyes widened as he brought his face closer to yours.
“Hmm you may be no warrior, but you do have a pleasant enough face I suppose.”
“Let go before I-“
“Before you what? Hurt me?” He laughed and pulled your arms up high pulling you up right to his body.
You panicked a lot more now feeling his skin touching yours.
You start kicking at him and he clicks his tongue in annoyance, and backs you up into a tree roughly. The bark digging into your skin painfully.
“Oh I’m sorry did that hurt?” He asked mockingly.
“Go on cry for me little forest girl”
You refused to shed tears but you were definitely afraid.
Suddenly you heard a rustling up ahead followed by several Navi voices.
Tu’Mey pulled you deeper in the forest away from prying eyes, his mistake was leaving one hand open.
As he pulled you away you caught a glint of a knife at his waist, it was probably a bad idea but you didn’t really have a choice.
In moments you grabbed at the knife and swiped at the arm holding you.
You were successful but the moment Tu’Mey realized what you done his eyes were full of fury.
You turned to run but were abruptly yanked back by your braid.
“Oh now you wanna fight little girl? Cmon then let’s fight.” He used your hair to propel you forward roughly. You rolled several times before hitting a tree. You gasped in pain.
Suddenly he was above you again and you saw his leg go out and in straight to your stomach. You cried out in pain. Great mother help me.
He kicked the same place again and then roughly pulled you up by your arms.
You slumped in his hold but still managed a hiss. Not that it really did anything.
He opened his mouth to say something but the voices were nearing again. He cursed and threw you back down.
“This isn’t over”. And just as fast as he came he disappeared in the trees.
You coughed a couple times on the ground clutching your stomach. With much pain you stood up and limped into the trees away from the scene, you didn’t want anyone to see you and say anything to Neteyam.
The truth was most Navi could hold their own but you were different. You healed, not hurt, you didn’t even like to hunt because of your sweet nature. Neteyam was drawn to your heart he said, but your weakness was becoming an issue now that war had come. You didn’t realize just how useless you really were.
After much struggle you managed to sneak back into your tent unsuspected.
You collapsed on the ground next to your sleeping mat. The tears flowed freely now that you were alone. You missed Neteyam now more than ever, wanting nothing more than for him to hold you in his arms.
With tears still running down your face you moved your netted top out of the way to see the damage. A large nasty bruise had formed along with a couple cuts. Your back ached too so you could only imagine the scratches there as well.
Sniffling you applied some salve.
Good thing Neteyam wouldn’t be back for a few days, you didn’t know what you would do if he saw your state. He would probably kill him and start another war.
Little did you know the war party had returned while you were gone..
“Yawne? There you are, I didn’t see you when I landed.”
Your eyes widened hearing Neteyams voice and the familiar flapping of the tent beads.
Quickly you wiped at your eyes and slid the salve under the blanket.
“N-Neteyam, welcome back my love.” You thank Ewya that the tent is darkened by the night.
He rushes to you and you embrace him.
“I missed you so much, couldn’t wait to get back..” he held you tightly and you did your best not to wince.
“Me too..” you released from each other and he gave you a loving kiss.
“Come, change and I’ll prepare you something to eat.” He nodded and went to remove his armor. Luckily he hadn’t seemed to notice anything was off.
He ate and talked about the successful raid, you nodded along but your mind was on the blossoming pain all over your body but especially your stomach.
“Are you alright? You’ve hardly said a word..”
“Yes, just tired is all, I was collecting herbs and other things for most of the day.”
He nodded and smiled, “then come let us sleep, I am exhausted as well.”
You nodded and followed him to the mat. You grabbed a longer top and threw it on. Come morning, you would not be able to hide it in the light so you needed to cover up, at least until he left again for the next raid.
Sleep came easy for the both of you, despite your pain, being in Neteyams arms always lulled you quickly. You hoped the morning would go smoothly. Although you rarely ever got what you wanted these days..
***************************************************
“-at is this?” Mm your dreams were beginning to fade away at the familiar voice calling out to you and bringing you back to reality.
“Y/n!” Your eyes abruptly flicked open hearing Neteyams urgent voice.
Oh great mother help me..
Your gaze focused on Neteyam who was sitting up beside you with a hand on your waist and another pulling aside your netted top.
You were an idiot to think that flimsy material could hide anything.
“What is this, what happened??” He asked again voice full of concern and seriousness.
Your eyes followed down to wear a nasty bruise had doubled In its darkening since last night.
“I-I It’s nothing teyam, I fell from a tree in a bad way is all.. I didn’t realize it had caused such a bruise..” you sat up and tried to cover up again but he wouldn’t let you.
“This looks bad, what did you fall on?” He grimaced tracing the cuts with his fingers.
“Some large rocks..” you hoped he would buy that. You never really lied to him before, you hated the feeling..
He looked you over now from head to toe and caught sight of your back.
“Your back is scratched up too… come let’s see Grandmother-“
He moves to gently pull you but you refuse, “It’s fine my love, I can apply medicine here, your grandmother is no doubt busy with warriors from yesterday…”
He looked reluctant, “but..”
“Really I’m alright” you pulled him back down and hugged him. You were actually in a lot of pain but Moat was smart and would see through your lie easily so you couldn’t go.
Neteyam pulled away and moved to grab your basket that held all your medicinal supplies.
He pulled the cover off and frowned, “I thought you picked herbs yesterday, there’s barely anything here..”
You idiot- you left your basket in the forest!
“Ah I can’t believe it, I forgot my basket in the forest..”
He raised a brow then furrrowed it, “you didn’t hit your head did you?” Suddenly he was near you again inspecting your face.
“N-no I didn’t I must’ve been just a little flustered is all”
Neteyam pulled back and looked you in the eye, “Yawne…is everything ok? You seem…strange”
“I-I” what should you say?
Luckily a familiar voice outside the tent called interrupting you.
“Bro you in there? We need to talk about the next mission, everyone’s waiting” Neteyam reluctantly pulled away giving you a wary look. You smiled hoping to ease his worries.
“I’ll be back later , go to Kiri for help at least ok?”
You nodded not meaning it and watched him leave the tent.
You let out a sigh once you were alone. Perhaps you could sneak into your mother in laws tent since everyone would be at the meeting. She would have herbs. At least that way Neteyam would assume you went to Kiri.
Slowly you stood up and readjusted your clothing, not that it really covered anything..
Luckily when you exited the tent, everyone was either at the meeting or busy preparing for the next raid.
You went behind the tents as swiftly as you could and finally arrived at your destination.
You called out but just as you suspected they were gone.
You felt guilty basically stealing but you didn’t really have many options.
You gathered what you needed and left, you nearly let out a scream when you bumped into the large body of your father in law.
“Woah easy- y/n?” You quickly schooled your shock with an uneasy smile. “I came to ask to borrow some herbs but no one was here.. I hope you don’t mind?”
Jake shook his head, “of course not, go crazy” he reached beside the door grabbing a map before moving to leave again when he happened to catch sight of the bruise.
“What happened?” He asked concerned.
“O-oh nothing really, I just had a bad fall..”
He eyed your face for a moment before nodding
“That looks bad, make sure you get that looked at ok?”
“I will” you smiled and sighed as he left the tent.
Luckily on your way back you didn’t run into anyone.
***************************************************
“Alright dismissed” warriors turned to prepare for the next raid and Neteyam was about to follow them when his father held him back.
“Wait there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“What is it?”
Jake looked a bit uneasy but continued on, “it’s about y/n.”
Neteyam perked up at this, “Why? did something happen?”
“I saw her just now in our tent getting herbs, she was…skittish and I saw really nasty looking bruise.”
Neteyam nodded, “She fell in the forest…on some rocks she said...”
“She’s one of the best climbers in the clan Neteyam”
“I know this…do…do you think she was lying?” He furrowed his brows. His mate never lied to him before. Even saying it out loud sounded weird.
Jake tilted his head, “I’m not saying that but…” Neteyam nodded as if coming to a decision.
“Yeah ok… I’ll talk to her”. He thanked his father and went about his duties. He was definitely going to have a talk when he got home.
****************************************************
You had been resting in your tent for most of the day when you realized you had nothing prepared for dinner. Neteyam mentioned he would stay a couple nights so it was only right he had a nice hot meal while he was here.
Sighing you stood up and exited the tent. You could at least catch a couple fish for the both of you.
You grabbed your fishing net and made your way towards the river.
It was evening time but there were a few Navi around.
Good, you didn’t want to be alone..
Throughout the next hour you kept glancing around but luckily you hadn’t seen him so far.
It was dark now everyone had mostly gone so you decided to call it quits as well. you managed to catch a couple small fish but just needed to check your last net tied to the tree.
Slowly so not to aggravate your wounds you climbed ontop of a giant rock. This net was along the river edge but from higher up.
Due to the weather getting colder it was better not to get into the water.
You kneeled on the rock and bent down to pull up your net.
The sudden screech of an Ikran roared behind you. It happened within seconds, you turned only to have a wing smack into you propelling you forward.
You gasped then were suddenly choking and spluttering on freezing water.
You whipped your head around to face the Ikran. You mentally screamed realizing it was HIS Ikran. And the devil in question laughter heartily from the tree line. He whistled and his Ikran flew towards him.
You didn’t wait to see what he would do next, you scrambled out of the river shivering and ran back as fast as you could.
Cold so cold, the night wind only made it that much worse.
Your teeth chattered violently. Hot tears pouring down your cheeks.
You slammed the tent flap open and clambered inside.
“Y/n?” Neteyam sprung up from his sitting position and practically sprinted to you.
Oh great mother not now! You thought he would be out still with the warriors!
“Y/n?! What happened?? why are you soaking wet?!” Neteyam grabbed your shoulders looking you up and down.
“I-I” your voice came out in a cold stutter. The temperature settling in deep into your body.
Neteyam pulled you closer to the fire and helped you remove your wet things before handing you a woven blanket.
“Yawne please, tell me what happened” Neteyam pulled you closer to him, hoping his body heat would help.
He wiped away your tears but they flowed like an endless river.
“I-I....I fell in the river.” Neteyam tensed, he could see your hesitation and how you wouldn’t meet your eyes.
“And how did that happen hm? What aren’t you telling me?” His voice was more firm now.
Should you tell him? But you didn’t want to cause trouble and disturb the alliance. It was your fault you were weak…
“Y/n!” You gasped, Neteyam hardly if ever raised his voice at you.
You couldn’t even answer as your sobs and distress grew louder. Now the love of your life was angry with you. Why could you never do anything right?!
Neteyam softened completely seeing your distress, “Alright alright, mawye my love, it’s alright, mawye…I’m sorry, please don’t cry” he hugged you tightly, bringing your head to his chest. He held you like that soothingly stroking your back until your sobs quieted down.
You slowly pulled away still not meeting his eyes.
Neteyam brought a finger to your chin and slowly pushed it up.
His heart broke seeing the puffiness. He followed the finger to your cheek and splayed them out. You leaned into his warmth.
“Whatever it is, you know I am with you my love.”
You let out a shakey breathe. “I know…” you whispered brokingly.
“And I will always be there for you… no matter what it is but I can’t help if I don’t know what is wrong.”
You reached up to hold the hand caressing your face. “I am always causing you trouble Neteyam.”
He blinked at this, “what?”
“I’m always causing you trouble…I don’t want to burden you…”
Neteyams brows furrowed, “Yes you are trouble but you are never a burden to me- where is this coming from?” He asked still confused.
“I’m weak Neteyam..”
“Y/n you’re not-“
You gulped and said it again, “I am weak. You shouldn’t have to protect me, I should be able to defend myself like everyone else but I just…I’m not a fighter Neteyam.. it’s never been an issue but now…” you sniffled trying not to break down again. “I-I didn’t want to bother you with this… you have way more important matters- I just- it’s getting worse and he isn’t stopping I-“ you were babbling out what you could, your mate trying to piece everything together but once he heard the word “he” he froze.
The wheels started turning in Neteyams mind, he didn’t know what he thought actually happened to you but the second he realized it was another person who hurt you a hot surge of anger coursed through him.
The grip on your face tightened but not painfully. “Someone did this to you? His eyes motioned to your bruises, voice dangerously calm but brimming with unleashed rage. He kept calm for your sake.
You nodded looking away in shame. Well you tried but he brought your face back to his glowing eyes.
“Tell me”
You bit your lip nervously.
“Tell me who dared to lay a hand on my mate…”
You hesitated, “I… I’m afraid it will damage war relations…”
Neteyam held back a snarl. So it was one of the other clans men then..
“Tell me”
You were about to protest again but Neteyams eyes made you pause. They held so much emotion. Love, anger, but most importantly in this moment they promised you safety.
With a deep breathe you closed your eyes then opened them again, “…Tu’Mey…”
Neteyam clenched his fist to keep himself from bursting just quite yet.
“Listen carefully y/n” you nodded.
“You will tell me everything and leave nothing out do you understand?” His tone left no room for arguing.
So you listened and told him everything.
And when you finally finished, you were taken aback at the speed Neteyam removed his hand from you. In all of 3 seconds he had grabbed his knife and ax and stormed to the door.
“N-Neteyam!”
“Stay here Mate” before you could protest he was gone.
You slumped down in a heap. Oh great mother what would happen now?!
Part 2
************************************************
Thanks for reading! Part 2 is up now🥰
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hellcat8908 · 4 days
Note
could you write a azriel/reader fic where he only starts dating reader because elain and gywn are not interested in him and she's available and she overhears someone else talking about it a few months into their relationship but sees azriel being involving in their relationship and deludes/convinces herself into thinking he really likes her, but something happens and they fight(jealousy? you can choose a reason tbh) and he tells her that he only dated her bc elain/gywn weren't interested in the heat of the moment(maybe she brings it up? or he could say it himself tbh, idm) and has to grovel. you can take this whichever direction you want to, if you have other ideas about certain areas!
Hope this is along the lines of what you had in mind. I'm sorry it's so long. Once I started writing, I couldn't stop. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
Placeholder Azriel x Female Reader
Warnings: Violence, Language, Angst
You hadn't meant to eaves drop on Cassian and Nesta's conversation. You were about to interrupt when you heard them mention you and Azriel. "He needs to let her go before she gets hurt." Nesta says. "I can't understand how she doesn't realize he's only with her because your sister and gwyn didn't want him." Cassian answers. "She's going to be devastated when she finds out. She's been in love with him since she arrived here." Nesta continues. You quietly walk back to your room.
For a split second, you let doubt in and question your relationship with Azriel. You tell yourself you're being silly as you think of all the small things Azriel does to show you he loves you. The fresh flowers he brings you when you're having a rough day or the sweets you crave when your cycle hits. The way he always makes sure you're alright after returning from emissary work or how he listens to you ramble about the latest book you read. You tell yourself that Nesta and Cassian have no idea what they're talking about.
The next morning, you show up for training late after getting caught up in your book. When you enter the training area, you see Azriel adjusting Gwyn's stance. You temporarily become jealous until you remind yourself he's helping train her. You fall into place as Cassian starts pairing everyone off for sparring. You're paired with Nesta as Gwyn is paired with Elain, who started training recently. You focus on the exercise with Nesta until you hear it.
Elains laughter seems to echo in your ears as your attention is drawn to her and Gwyn. Azriel is correcting Elain, but his touch seems to linger. She laughs again and says something you don't quite hear. Jealousy takes hold as you see the way he looks at her, his eyes drinking her in. Suddenly, the conversation from yesterday comes flooding back. Jealousy turns to rage, and before you know it, you've slammed Nesta into the dirt while glaring at Azriel and Elain.
"What the hell, y/n?!" Nesta shouts as Cassian helps her up before looking for injuries. "Nesta, I-I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I-I didn't, I shouldn't," your words trail off as reality hits you hard in the face. "I-I'm sorry," is all you say before taking off towards the house. Refusing to stop when Azriel tells you to. Once inside, you're overwhelmed with emotions jealousy, anger, embarrassment, and regret. You can't help but pace back and forth, only stopping long enough to make sure the footsteps aren't Nesta coming to kick your ass.
You breathe a momentary sigh of relief when Azriel walks in only for it to be replaced by anger. "What the hell was that about?!" He shouts. "You tell me, Az. You're the one who had wandering hands." You say with a glare. "You're seriously jealous right now?!" He asks. "Why shouldn't I be, I mean, after all, I'm your last resort." You sneer. "What are you talking about?" He asks, his frustration growing. "I see the way you look at them! You never look at me like that! Just admit that I'm a placeholder until one of them decides they want you!" You say as tears sting your eyes.
"It started off like that-" he starts to say but doesn't get a chance to finish as you run from the room, refusing to let him see you cry. You hear him calling after you, begging to let you explain. His pleas fall on deaf ears as you reach your room. You lock it behind you before climbing into your bed. Tears soak your pillowcase as you wonder how you could've been so stupid to believe that he would actually want you. You ignore his knocks and attempts to convince you to listen to him. Eventually, the other side of your door grew quiet.
Soon, you were left with the sound of your own whimpers and cries. The house made sure you had water to drink and some light snacks if you decided to eat. You  ignored the houses offering except the glasses of water. The various knocks at your door went unanswered as you sank further into your mind. All you could think about was how you could be such be such a fool for not realizing what everyone else did. The more you dwelled in it, the more you felt betrayed that no one actually told you. Eventually, the tears dry as you finally fall asleep.
Over the next few days, you remain in bed. You ignore everyones attempt to try to talk to you, including Rhys, attempiting to get inside your head. Azriel keeps trying to get you to listen, but his attempts are met with silence or the sound of glass breaking against your door. After four days of wallowing in self-pity and anger, you finally get out of bed and make yourself presentable before summoning Rhys. He knocks on your door, waiting for you to answer.
Once he steps in, you lock the door and turn your full attention to him. "I need you to give me something to do in another court. I don't care which one or what the task is, I just need to work." You tell him. "I don't think you're in any shape to be working. You need to work through whatever happened between you and Azriel first." He responds. "Rhys, please. I can't stay here. I never ask you for a favor, but I'm asking now." You say, looking up at him with a hollow sadness in your eyes. "Fine, you can go to Windhaven, I have some new information I want you to pass along." He says as he produces some documents from seemingly thin air.
You take the documents and tuck them in the inside your jacket. "Mor will deliver you to Windhaven. Take care of yourself." Rhys says before you meet Mor outside. She takes off with you just as Azriel steps outside. He watches as Mor winnows you away. Moments later, the two of you are in Windhaven. "You sure you're up for this?" She asks, concerned. "I'll be fine." You assure her before saying good-byes. You make your way to find Devlin noticing how some of the Illyrians are looking at you, realizing you aren't escorted by Cassian or Azriel. You make your way further into the camp. You find Devlin over seeing the training.
"What do you want now?" He asks, sounding annoyed. "I have some information to go over with you." You say as you stand beside him, watching the two spar in the ring. "Later, I'm busy." He says dismissively. "I'll see you at 6, not a moment later." You say before turning towards Rhys's house. You might as well be comfortable as you wait for your meeting. As soon as you step inside, you smell the familiar scent of Azriel, making your heart ache.
°☆°☆°☆°☆°
Azriel had been busy with training, then catching up on reports and various paperwork. He hadn't had a chance to speak with Mor or Rhys about where you'd gone or if you'd be back. As the day grew on, he finally caught a break after dinner. He asked Rhys to speak with him in private before following him into his study. Rhys already knew what this was about. "She's away on work and will be back once she's done." He answers before Azriel can even ask. "Where did work take her this time? Probably as far away as she could get." He says.
"She's in Illyria informing Devlin of the changes I wish to make." Rhys states casually. "She's in windhaven by herself?! She isn't in any condition to be there! What were you thinking?!" Azriel demands. Rhys's temper rises akt Azriel's outburst. "She asked for work, and I gave her some it. She'll be gone overnight at the most. Let's not forget she wouldn't be in that condition if you hadn't fucked up!" Rhys shouts. "I know I fucked up but do you realize how much danger she could be in?! Do you even care?!" Azriel shouts as his hands clench into fists at his sides.
"Of course I care! I also know she's capable of handling herself!" Rhys snarls in response. "I'm going up there to bring her home." Azriel says before storming out. The sun is setting as he takes off towards windhaven. Cursing himself and Rhys for this situation. He doesn't care if he has to carry you home kicking and screaming. You're coming home. He flies faster as his anger at the situation gets the better of him.
°☆°☆°☆°☆°
You were going over the changes Rhys wanted to implement, much to Devlin's dismay. He had no problem voicing his disapproval. Both of you were growing frustrated with each other as time went on, leading to heated words and animosity. Eventually, you started rubbing your temples. "Let's call it a night, and we can continue this tomorrow." You offer. "Fine, but don't expect my opinion to change." Devlin says as he escorts you out.
It's dark as that had taken longer than you anticipated. Your head was throbbing, causing you to miss the numerous footsteps approaching you. You were taken by surprise when you quickly grabbed and gagged as dark figures hauled you away from camp. You were injected with a large dose of faebane as they waited for it to take effect. You felt yourself weakening as you were dumped shoved to the ground in a clearing. "Looks like you're not so great without the shadowsinger." One of the Illyrian states.
"I think it's time to send your friends a message." He sneers before you're surrounded. Your hands are quickly bound along with your legs. "I doubt you'll be much trouble with that amount of faebane, but we can't be too careful." He says menacingly. You shout insults at him, but the gag only muffles them.  While you're focused on who you decide is the leader, you miss the heavy kick to your ribs. Before you can blink, you're being kicked and punched from all sides. Your screams are muffled as you feel bones crack from the force. Before long, you feel the sharp sting of a blade cutting into your back. A final kick to your head knocks you unconcious. They untie you and leave you for dead in the dirt.
°☆°☆°☆°☆°
Azriel landed in Windhaven in front of the house. He debated on knocking but decided to let himself in. The house is quiet, too quiet for Azriel's liking. He starts searching for you, but you're nowhere to be seen. His stomach drops as he sends his shadows out to search for you. They return whispering to him, "faebane." In an instant, Azriel is following his shadows and notices your small footprints surrounded by several larger ones. "Taken." His shadows whisper.  He starts tracking the footprints.
He's led to the clearing where his heart stops. He rushes over to your limp body and lets out an agonized scream when he sees you bruised and bloodied. He hears your jagged breath as he picks you up, forcing a painful groan from you. "Please, angel. I need you to hold on just a little longer, " he says as tears line his eyes before the darkness surrounds both of you as he winnows you home. His heart breaks as he thinks about what you've endured.
Once he lands at the river house, he rushes you inside while Rhys shows him the room Madja and her team of healers are in. Once you're laid on the bed, Rhys pulls him out so Madja and the others can work without him yelling or being in the way. Once outside the room  Azriel has Rhys by the collar and slams him against the wall, "I told you she'd be in danger!" He practically growls. "She wanted to go, and I didn't think they'd be dumb enough to try something like this!" He says. "Well, they were, and now who knows what lasting affects she'll have from this!"
"This isn't all on me! If you had been honest with her from the start, none of this would've happened!" Rhys shouts. "Enough! Both of you! Now isn't the time or the place!" Feyre says as she joins them. Azriel reluctantly releases Rhys and stands in the corner. "Being at each others throats doesn't chang anything. What matters now is y/n and making sure she gets the support and help she needs." Feyre says. Both males glare at each other before looking in separate directions. Azriel waits silently as his anxiety builds with each passing minute.
Madja emerges from the room, wiping her hands off on a towel. "She's holding on. We've done everything we can do for her physically. The rest is on her. She will have scarring, and the heavy dose of faebane is preventing her from healing on her own. Her body needs to rest, so I've given her a sedative tonic that will allow her to rest comfortably while her body recovers. I'll continue to check on her and keep her sedated as needed." She says. "Thank you." Feyre says. "She's lucky to be alive." Madja responds, "you can see her now if you wish."
Feyre follows Madja back into the room to see you. Azriel storms out of the house with Rhys behind him. "What are you doing, Az?" Rhys questions, already knowing the answer. "What needs to be done," is all Azriel says before taking off with Rhys flanking him. "Only the ones responsible," is all Rhys says. "No promises." Azriel responds, his voice full of rage. "Azriel." Rhys says, his voice laced with power. "You didn't see her! You didn't see how they left her bloodied and bruised in the dirt like she was nothing!" Azriel shouts. "I know, but killing all of them won't change anything. Only the ones responsible need to be dealt with." Rhys says with authority.
When they return home, Rhys sends Azriel home to get cleaned up before he's allowed to see you. Madja keeps you sedated for the next few days, giving the faebane time to wear off and let you heal better. Azriel stays by your side, refusing to leave except for short showers and bathroom breaks. He hardly eats or drinks as he watches over you. He watches the swelling go down, and the bruises start to fade with each day, making you look more like yourself.
You hear the faint voices as you start to wake up. You vaguely make out Azriel's voice as he argues with someone. "I'm not leaving her side." He says in hushed tones as if not to disturb you. "I understand she's upset with me and probably doesn't want to see me when she first wakes up, but I love her. I need her to know that I love her. Yes, I started dating her because I was tired of being lonely, but the more time we spent together, the more I fell in love with her. I should've told her, but I was afraid of all this, and it happened anyway. This is all my fault." Azriel says gently.
"Just give her some time to work through things. She has a lot to deal with physically and emotionally. She'll talk to you when she's ready. I think you should give her a chance to wake up in peace without having to be faced with you."  Cassian tries to reason. "You're right. If I'm going to cause more harm than good, I guess it's best if I wait. I can't leave her, though." Azriel says, sounding broken. "It's only for a little while." Cassian assures him. You hear Azriel's footstep receding.
Cassian takes the seat Azriel was occupying as he lets out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. "Rough day?" You ask, your voice hoarse. "You can say that again." Cassian says before realizing you're awake. "How are you feeling? Can I get you anything? Are you in pain? Want me to get Madja?" He rambles. "Cassian, calm down. I'm alright. I just need some water." You answer with a small laugh. He pours you a glass from the fresh pitcher Azriel filled earlier.
"How long have I been out for?" You ask as you carefully sit up to drink. "Four days." Cassian says as he leans back in the chair. "Must've been bad, huh?" You ask as you examine the marks you can see. "Just a couple broken bones, bruises, and cuts across your back." Cassian answers. "So nothing major." You say with a laugh. "Who found me?" You ask. "Azriel did." Cassian answers. "Can I see him? I don't want to bother him if he's busy." You say. Cassian just smiles, "I'll get him for you." You take another drink of water while Cassian is gone.
When the door opens again, it's Azriel, "Cass said you wanted to see me." He says hesitantly. "I do, I hope I didn't pull you away from something." You tell him. "Not at all." He says as you indicate for him to sit. "How did you find me?" You ask, watching his eyes turn hazy. "Rhys told me where you had gone, and I was worried something would happen to you. By the time I found you, I was too late." He says, looking down at his hands. "Are they -" You trail off, not sure you want to ask. "The one's responsible has been dealt with. You don't have to worry about them." Azriel says softly.
"Y/n, I know I messed up by not telling you in the beginning. I just want you to know that I genuinely love you and finding you like that only broke me more. I thought I had lost you, and it would've been all my fault." He says solemnly. You gently place your hand over his, "The whole time, I was only thinking how I should be home with you. I wanted a chance to tell you I love you one more time." You say before blonking away the tears threatening to fall. "I love you, Az." You say softly. He moves to the edge of the bed. "I love you too, angel." He says, gently wiping the tears from your cheeks.
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ladyymiisa · 2 months
Text
ENTRANCED
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summary: you’re japan’s most famous singer and hawks is your biggest fan
tags: hawks x f!reader, singer!reader, fanboy!hawks, feminine pronouns used for reader, fluff, hawks is such a loser i love him
author’s note: umm mha brainrot has been going crazy ever since the new season trailer dropped,, i might make a part two for this since im literally such a sucker for the popstar trope,, also this is such an indulgent fic for me i am so sorry chat
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thinking about hawks.
hawks, who besides being japan’s number two hero, is also a man entitled to have his own passions and interests to indulge in, despite his incredibly busy line of work. and one of those interests is you.
radiant, talented, spectacular you, who japan had classified as its top favourite singer. rising to the tops in a short matter of time despite being a young adult, you’ve managed to make a name for yourself through your hard work. you had a certain image about you that lured people in, that made them want to see more of you.
you were absolutely gorgeous, with bright eyes that shone with excitement whenever you got on the stage, a smile that held nothing but affection for your fans as you talked to them during your meet-and-greets, and an aura so powerful that it made them want to have their eyes on you at all times. everyone was enamoured by you, and slowly but surely, hawks found himself caught in your love-net as well.
during one of his patrols (which was surprisingly peaceful considering the amount of people that usually stopped to either take a picture with him or ask for his autograph), he couldn’t help the whistle that fell from his lips upon seeing your image showcased on a luxurious shop’s glass window.
you had just recently done a collaboration with the brand, proudly showing off their clothes and accessories on your instagram stories—which he all hearted, by the way—and boy was he glad you did. the clothing embraced your body perfectly, hugging your curves and enhancing your attractiveness, as if you were made to wear them. you looked breathtaking, and hawks couldn’t find the strength to pry himself away from the glass window.
and don’t get me wrong, your appearance isn’t the only thing that lured him in. your voice won him over the second he decided to watch one of your music videos. the public wasn’t lying, your singing was mesmerising! despite how the music genre wasn’t particularly his favourite, the hero found himself going through all of your albums, singles and even listening to the songs you were featured on. after about three hours of continuous listening, hawks already had a playlist made with all of his favourite songs.
his favourite album is your first one. it really embraces your authenticity with its heartfelt lyrics and story behind it, about some of the hardest moments in your life. he remembers you saying in one interview that said album was the closest to your heart since it was the one that made you reach the tops, and also because it was the first album you wrote on your own. it was raw and sincere, much like the ones that came after, but it was clear that none could compare to the very first.
all in all, you could say that hawks is your biggest fan.
his apartment has a special corner in which he keeps all of your merch. from posters, vinyls, shirts and even exclusive plushies, this man has everything. sometimes he feels cringe for being such a diehard fanboy, but hey, he deserves to have the luxury of indulging in something as normal as having a small very big celebrity crush.
also, he definitely follows multiple stan accounts dedicated to you. pictures taken at any of your concerts? he has them saved. a very cool edit on tiktok of you while you’re performing? he’s hitting the like and favourite buttons immediately. like, this man spends countless hours looking at pictures of you on pinterest while he’s giggling and kicking his feet like a lovesick middle school girl.
and it’s no secret that hawks is your fan. almost everyone at his agency knows, especially since he makes no effort to hide it. not from his agency, and not from the media either. one time during a public interview, one reporter asked him if he had any favourite singers, in hopes of gathering more personal information about the hero, and hawks didn’t hesitate for a second before responding with, “y/n, of course! she’s incredibly talented and i love her music. i think i know all of her songs by heart, haha!” to which the media went wild.
of course, being the devious little shit that he is, hawks intentionally made the information public with the intention of gaining your attention. and to his delight, it did. not even a day after the interview was posted online, he woke up with two notifications from his instagram. the poor hero almost dropped his phone from ten feet up high in the air after reading the name of the account who messaged him.
y/nofficial
hey :)
heard you like my music, how about a free vip ticket to come meet me backstage after my next concert? <3
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sardonic-the-writer · 14 days
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𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞'𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦
↳ summary: the x-men can't seem to leave you alone, even if you've made it clear that you want nothing to do with them. as a last-ditch effort, they send logan, who's a little different than the rest
↳ notes: man writing this fucked me up. i kept editing it because i didn't like how it sounded, so some feedback would be much appreciated
↳ warnings: mentions of blowing things up in a past instance, but no one died. reader is a mutant and their powers are kept ambiguous, but it is implied they can somehow cause explosions
↳ song: promiscuous—nelly furtado
masterlist | commissions | carrd
The first time they sent someone, you had been excepting it
You weren't dumb. You knew the difference between an innocent bystander and a hired gun; or at least something along those lines. The way people walked talked and carried themselves was always a dead giveaway, and recently you had been surrounded by a few too many intense stares and stiff shoulders for your liking. A lot more than you were used to, in fact. Maybe that's what prompted you to start taking a new way home from work instead of the usual combination of cross walks and dirty bus seats.
The quick guy with silver hair was their first attempt at contact. You had found him waiting outside your apartment for you to get home all but a week after noticing the new attention on you, and you would have ignored him too if it wasn't for the fact that he was sitting on the outside your balcony, kicking his feet merrily off the side about ten stories above the pavement below without a care in the world. And with what looked like a twinkie in his hand, too.
You'd closed the blinds without a second thought, tossing him a fake grin and a little wave when he eventually turned around as you slammed them shut. You were fairly certain he could have stopped you in no time flat, if the way you would watch him zip away in the blink of an eye later said anything, but you took a heat-of-the-moment gamble and were satisfied when all your efforts got was a whine from the other side of your window pane. His mouth was too full of pre-packaged pastry to say anything in the moment, you realized
"Not interested." You called over your back as you began to retreat into your kitchen without another moments notice.
"You haven't even heard what I want!" He said thickly, clearly trying to swallow as he spoke. You must have startled him a little then. Good.
"And I don't need to."
He left a few minutes later when his one sided conversationalist skills got him no where, and you responded by throwing a frozen pizza in the lower half of your oven.
You had been craving pepperoni all day anyway.
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The second person try was a bit more aggressive.
They didn't have the decency to wait for you to come home this time. Instead, you found yourself looking up from your laptop as a chair was pulled out across from you at the quaint table you sat at. It made a scraping noise, and you tensed the muscles in your hands for a moment at the sound.
"Can I help you." Your eyebrow quirked up as you looked at the woman across from you. She had blonde hair, and what you thought were the brownest eyes you had even seen. You had trouble looking anywhere but into them for a second. When they hit the light, you swore they turned yellow just for a moment, and she looked about as annoyed as you were that she was sitting by you. You didn't have to wait long to find out why.
"We've been trying to reach you." The surrounding noise of the café hardly disturbed the hard tone in her voice. "You're avoiding us."
At least this time these people had the common sense to approach you in public. If you were any form of confrontational, which you very much weren't, you could have started a fight the last time. Who knows if you would have won against super speed and whatever else the first guy had— you weren't exactly sure about the extent of his powers, and at this point didn't care —but the point remains that some damage could have been done. Now, in the middle of a coffee shop on a busy afternoon, it would be a bit harder to start a fight. Not that you were seriously concidering it. If anything, you wanted to duck into a large crowd just to loose this new recruiter, or whatever they were called. You didn't exactly know if they had a name for this type of situation.
"I have no idea who you are." Your tone matched her own, dealing out the half lie nonchalantly. You weren't technically wrong, really. You didn't know her, nor did you know that other man that had shown up before. But you knew what they wanted, and you'd be damned if they didn't pin you down without a bit of a struggle.
Moving with a speed quick enough to get your message across, but not fast enough as to alert any of the surrounding coustomers that something was up, you closed your laptop, abandoned your now lukewarm drink, and started for the door. You only paused in your movements after a weight settled over the back of your shoulder, and you carefully turned your neck to look down at the hand resting firmly on you.
"I don't recommend doing that." You said with a bit of a warning tone in your voice, looking her right in the eyes as you did so. They had since shifted from dark brown to an almost hazel shade, and you filed that information away for later use.
Her grip remained where it was for a moment. Then a thought seemed to cross her mind, and she let go of her hold on your shirt; even if a bit reluctantly.
You didn't stick around to see if anything else would happen. You just made your way out of the shop and into the bustling street, not caring if she followed. They already knew where you lived anyway.
"Taxi!!"
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The final person they sent for you, you hadn't seen coming.
Every other time— from the teleporting blue kid, to the woman with white hair and fair skin, and even the tall guy in glasses that had turned a little blue when you pushed your way past him —you had been able to prepare beforehand. At the very least you were able to lock your doors before going out and about your day. You knew that wouldn't stop them in the slightest, but it was a silent message to stay out of your business.
But this guy? This guy just didn't care at all.
"You know, you're really nailing this first impression thing."
A gruff voice sprang to life at the same moment that your hallway lights did, doing a fine job at catching you off guard. You managed to not jump, but with the way the intruders lips tilted up, you figured he knew he had surprised you.
"Oh, fuck my life."
You were really not feeling like another impromptu visit tonight. You had gotten home from a rough day of work a couple of hours ago, only to realize that you had finally blown through all your food, and was once more sent back out into the city to look for a grocery store. You had been looking forward to finally resting your feet, and maybe your eyes a few hours earlier than planned, and you most certainly weren't in the right state of mind to entertain this hulking figure of a man and the proposition that came with him.
You looked at him harshly. He had muscles for days, and a brown leather jacket to accentuate just how large he was. You knew for a fact that he was a few weight classes up from the last guy that had been sent to your house, and you wondered if this was their way of trying to intimidate you into forcefully accepting their offer.
Tiny scars dotted his face and the skin on his neck. You wondered why there were so few, considering that you already knew what he did for a living, but also knew better than to question someone like him. Especially since he was already standing in the doorway to your home, looking like he owned the place.
"Go away." You didn't grant him any sort of emotion in your voice as you walked in the direction of your fridge. The plastic bags full of your food for the week swung in your arms, and for a moment you thought this new guy was going to block your way into the rest of the house before he backed off with a roll of his shoulders.
You clocked his broad chest and bruised knuckles out of the corner of your eyes as you opened the ice box and slowly placed some frozen veggies in side by side. He had either gotten here straight from a fight, or was itching for one. You figured it was probably the former considering he hadn't jumped you the second you walked through the door. Or you know, maybe he just had fucked up hands. You could never tell with people at this point.
"You're pleasant." The mans wry smile was nothing but headache educing as you finished putting the cold groceries up. You snorted with hollow amusement.
"Try being stalked for a month and a half. It really makes you feel like being hospitable."
"Try being the guy that gets sent to get in contact with you. It ain't exactly the way I wanted to be spending my Friday night either." He parroted back your words while running a hand down his face and across what you had since recognized as mutton chops in the process.
"When are you going to tell that professor of yours that I'm not interested in his little passion project." You think that might have been the first time you ever directly acknowledged what exactly was going on. Every other time you had just told the other person to get lost or slammed a door in their face to really get the point across, but the way this guy was looking at you gave you the feeling that he wouldn't be as easy to shoo away as the others, and you weren't really feeling up for a giant display of effort right about now.
"You could always tell him yourself, bub." His eyes followed your face as you crossed the room to stop in front of him, hand outstretched with something that ignited a small smirk on his face.
"Trying to bribe me?" He asked, going to take the fresh beer you offered him all the same. You shook your head.
"No. My master plan actually consists of getting you shit-faced drunk so you guys will finally leave me alone." You watched as his hand hesitated in mid-air slightly, and you misinterpreted his silent amusement at your jab for skepticism. "I've just got too much beer and a stranger in my apartment that's not going to leave me alone anytime soon, that’s all." You relented with a shrug.
"Fair enough." He took the brown bottle by the neck and popped open the top without so much as looking around for a bottle opener. When the cap went rushing to the floor less than a second later, you squinted.
"What are you then? Super strong? Or is your power alcoholism." That got a rough chuckle out of him. He swallowed about half of the bottle in one go before answering, and you sucked at your teeth as he did so.
"Something like that."
"Wow. Really feeling the comradery here." You didn't miss the way he deadpanned at that, and you figured he was thinking about all of the times you had kicked every other pursuer to the curb without even letting them get a word in edge wise. Still, you pushed on. "Remind me how its fair that you and your friends know all about me, but I have a new hero-of-the-week showing up on my doorstep every other day without so much as a clue as to what they could do to me?"
"About as fair as your little accident in Colorado." He responded without a seconds hesitation. You felt a little perspiration form on the back of your neck, and chalked it up to the lack of a.c in the room. Even if it was anything but.
"If you're here to try and convince me to join your little superhero team, I hate to tell you, but it isn't going to work. Just like it didn't work the past ten times." You ignored his last comment and made yourself comfortable on your living room couch. "Do you have a name? I've never really stuck around to talk to one of you this long before, and it's annoying to keep rendering to you as 'some guy' in my head."
He paused abruptly while drinking the beer, and you barely held back from rolling your eyes at his change in mood.
"It's Logan." He finally bit out reluctantly. You got the feeling that the only reason he told you was because he was here by request. If it has been any other circumstances, you had no doubts that he would have told you to fuck off. He gave off that energy.
"You already know mine, so I'm not gonna bother." You kicked your feet up and let your head hit the back of the couch with a sigh. "Just let me know when you finally get bored and head out. I want to make sure my landlord knows to blacklist you from the building after you're gone."
"Is this how you got everyone else to leave? By annoying them to death?" Logan sounded more entertained then you would have liked, and you blamed it on the beer.
"Depends. Is it working?"
"I've been sleeping at a school filled with screaming kids for the past few weeks. You're going to have to try harder than that to get me out of here." He took another swig.
"What will it take to get you to leave me alone. All of you." Your voice dipped out of it's usually casual tone for a more annoyed one. You were used to playing the long game when it came to getting people to leave you alone, but at this point it was getting ridiculous with the amount of people that they were throwing at you, and it was starting to wear you out. You weren't sure if Logan could tell your patience was being tested, and you weren't sure if you wanted him to.
Logan raised one eyebrow in your direction as an answer to your question, and you sighed.
"I'm not taking a stupid fucking spot on the X-Men if that's what you're implying. What do I have to do to convince you guys that I'm not up for it; blow up a building on accident or something?" The word 'again' went unsaid, but the implication was there.
You watched as Logan seemed to throw something around in his mind for a moment.
"Do you want to know why I joined the X-Men?" He eventually asked.
"Because you had nothing else to do with yourself other than styling your hair real stupid? Seriously what's with this horn thing you've got going in."
"I joined because they helped pull me off a dark path, kid." He barreled past your sarcasm, shutting you down quicker than you would like to admit. His tone was laced with something you recognized all as hatred, and you knew it wasn't directed at you, but rather himself. You knew the feeling all too well.
"I was running from something that I didn't even know I was trying to avoid." He continued. "And if it wasn't for the Professor and his 'stupid fucking team', I wouldn't have ever stopped."
For the first time in the past few minutes, you allowed one of your walls to come down as he spoke. You stared at him with a tired look lingering behind your gaze, choosing this time to listen rather than to ignore.
"I'm not running from anything." Even as you said it, you knew it was a lie. Logan didn't even have to look at you for you to sigh and lean forward again.
"I can see why the Professor wants you on the team." You felt the cushions on the opposite end of your couch dip slowly as he sat down. The now empty beer bottle was still in his hand, but as you looked over at Logan, you found his eyes filled to the brim with nothing but the honest truth.
It was a strange, tense moment. Both you and Logan could admit that. You were clearly filled with regret for your past actions, no matter how accidental they might have been, and conflicted with yourself because of it. Logan could do nothing more but watch as you battled with yourself over his words. His original plan had been to come here, show off a claw or two if needed, and bring you back to the school with a characteristic scowl on his face. But all that was thrown out the window when you offered him a beer, and when he was finally able to get a good look at you.
You looked exactly how he used to before one of his old cage matches. Detached and losing yourself. He could see it in your eyes.
The room delved into silence. You wrung your hands together and planted your feet. Logan watched as you seemed to have a silent conversation with yourself, and he began to regret not pacing himself with the beer. He wasn't anywhere near affected by the alcohol, that's to say. He just wished he had something to do other than sit in your home with squared shoulders and a furrowed brow.
"If I took one trip over to the place, would you guys let up on whatever this is?" You finally asked. Logan pushed down a faint smirk as you turned your neck to look at him.
"Sure."
You didn't say anything else, and you didn't have to. You got up without another word and grabbed a bag from a nearby closet. Logan found himself leaning on your doorframe as you stuffed a few essentials down into your travel bag in the room over, and he remained there until you finished.
"Still curious about my powers?" Logan decided to bait you just a little further as you shut the door to your apartment with a click of your keys, and he had trouble keeping a straight face when you looked back at him with curiosity dancing across your features.
Without saying anything, he held one of his hands up, and let you watch as his trademark claws popped up slowly. Like seasonal weeds in a garden full of flowers. The appendages let out a slight sliding noise as they did so, and you blinked once. Twice. Three times.
"And I thought my powers were bad." You finally said after a moment, and Logan scoffed at you.
"Kid, everyone thinks their powers are bad at first."
You seemed to take that as a challenge, and Logan watched as a bit of that fire that he'd heard about from Storm and the others flared up in you.
"Yeah? You ever accidently blow up a boiler room and take out half your high school's classes, big guy?" Your grin was all teeth as the two of you made your way down the complex hallway. Logan slowed his pace so you could keep up, and turned around so he could fully look at you as he walked backwards.
"Big guy?" He questioned you with a tilted of his head, looking about as unimpressed as he could.
"I mean yeah." You snickered. "Just look at your, well, everything." You took to gesturing at his entire being, something that got you a huff from the other man.
"Maybe you're just small." He shot back. You laughed and shook your head, looking down at yourself. Yeah right.
"And maybe I'm right, and you're just freakishly big."
Your banter continued all the way down to the elevator, where you had a hard time holding in your laughter as Logan accidentally almost stabbed the down button with his claws, apparently having forgotten that they were even out.
You couldn't help but wonder if he was always like this; if everyone at the school was like this.
Maybe going for a visit wasn't as much as a bad idea as you'd thought.
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oracle-of-dream · 2 months
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Submissive and huh?
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Minors DNI
Summary: Your friend Taerae recently learned a new term and wants your thoughts. Explaining it might help him understand properly, but do you have the strength to tell him.
Warnings: Male Reader, Idol Taerae, Student Reader, Lewd faces/Ahegao, Mention of arousal and breeding
Wordcount: 1.2k
Math classes had been kicking your ass all semester and tutoring from the professor wasn't working out. You'd ended up being assigned a study partner. The program was meant for students struggling with the class to help each other. That's how you met Taerae. 
He didn't originally introduce himself as an idol, especially since it was an online class. No one had seen his face. But when you met up with him for the first time to study together, you instantly recognized him from TV. You hit it off over a shared hate for math and spent more time together outside class.
He'd complain about his idol life issues and you'd give him any notes from class he'd missed.
You'd just gotten home from a late-night study session at the library. As if it knew, your phone lit up with a text as you sat on your bed.
TR: Yo! Y/N, I met some fans while out with the members today!
YN: Cool. Don't you meet fans wherever you go?
TR: Well these stuck out!
YN: How?
TR: Well, I noticed them, a bunch of guys, giggling in the convenience store and pointing at me and Hao while we were shopping. I didn't want to embarrass them so I just played it cool and ignored them. But then they came up to me!
YN: Okay, some brave fans? That's it?
TR: Just wait a sec! 
TR: They came to me and told me they were fans. But more specifically, MY fans! Of course, I was happy to hear, but they were foreigners because they used a term I didn’t know.
YN: What term?
TR: Submissive and Breedable?
TR: I know what submissive means, they mean I'm not an aggressive person. That's not entirely true, but I'm submissive at times.
You looked at your phone, blinking a few times. Some "fans" dared to say that!?
TR: I can't find anything when I look it up, it's probably slang, right?
Maybe telling him that his fans want to breed him wasn't the best thing to tell your friend. He was just too wholesome for that.
YN: Yeah, it is, but it's not something cool. No one says it really, it's not the trend anymore.
TR: Really? I know trends, I'm not old, but I haven’t heard of that.
YN: See? There's no reason to worry, just fans being weird.
TR: Well, the photo they wanted was also...off.
YN: Off how?
TR: They wanted me to stick my tongue out and look up at the camera, which was super high above me. To be honest–it felt a little embarrassing to pose like that.
You shook your head trying not to imagine his cute self making lewd faces for a group of boys, but it was hard. And so were you.
YN: You should be more careful, they could use photos like that weirdly.
TR: What do you mean?
YN: Let's drop it. Subject change, what are you doing now?
TR: I'm getting ready for bed, I just got under the covers.
You looked at the clock, midnight was on its face.
YN: Oh shit, I didn't even realize. You should sleep!
TR: No, no, I'm pretty awake. Plus, it's nice talking to you. Did you want to video call while you get ready for bed?
You’d done it before, talking on video call into the night, but it was always a little like Taerae just wanted to see you.
YN: Sure, I'll call you.
You pressed the video call button on your phone. It showed your reflection as you waited, automatically you straightened your hair a little and kicked some stuff on the floor out of frame.
Taerae answered the phone with a smile, the camera close to his face.
You laughed as you set your phone on your desk, "Well hello to you too, why so close?"
"No reason, I just want to see you closely."
"Well, I can see you so closely I can count your pores," You scoffed as you went into your closet to find pajamas for the night.
"Is it weird I'm holding it so close?"
"A little, but it's no big deal. If you don't wanna show yourself then why'd you wanna video call?"
Taerae didn't answer.
"Are you still thinking about what those guys said?"
He shuffled in bed, "Mmhm."
"I promise it's nothing bad."
"Then why don't you just tell me?"
You sighed, "Okay, fine, I'll spill."
Taerae's eyes peered curiously at the camera as he waited for you to come out of your closet. You settled on wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and shorts. You returned to find Taerae's eyes filled with impatience.
You swallowed awkwardly, "You already know what the submissive part means, but the other part..."
"Breedable," Taerae reminded you.
"Yeah–It means," You struggled to find a good way to break it to him with that look in his eyes. So full of trust and purity. "It means, they wanna do it with you."
Taerae's expression dropped into surprise, "Oh, that's it? I read about that kind of stuff of fans wanting me to have sex with them. That's not so bad."
"Well, breedable means, specifically where you'd be the one getting fucked. Likely by a man. Who wants to... finish in you."
You couldn't bring yourself to look at the screen to see his expression. He'd fallen silent, thinking of a response. It felt like ten minutes passed until he broke the silence.
Taerae's voice was deep and serious, "Y/n."
"Yeah?"
"Look at the screen." You looked at the screen to see Taerae in bed, holding the camera above him to show off his shirtless torso that was mostly covered by the bed sheet except for his collarbone and neck. "Am I breedable right now?"
You felt warm in your face as you answered, "Yeah, I-I guess."
"Submissive, too?"
"Sure," You said as you looked down at your hands.
"Yes or no! Sure isn't good enough, and look at me!"
You complied, looking at him. He smiled before making a face; his eyes looking up at the camera as he stuck out his tongue and held up a peace sign with his other hand.
"Jesus, Taerae!" You looked away quickly. Your heart was in your ears, pounding as the image of sweet Taerae's lewd face was plastered behind your eyelids.
He laughed loudly. "I am, aren't I? Submissive and breedable. I take it as a compliment, they like me that much! To be honest, you look all shy... You look a little submissive too."
You moved your phone so he couldn't see you anymore.
"I was kidding! Don't hide from me!" Taerae's muffled voice shouted from the speaker of your phone. 
After you calmed down, you turned your phone back over to see him still there. Still shirtless, and holding his phone at the same seductive angle.
"You're so weird!" You yelled at Taerae, who just giggled.
"And you still like me anyway. Even with all my breedable energy."
"I'm going to hang up–"
"What!? We gotta see you do the pose too, what if you're more breedable than me, we should test how–"
You cut him off as you pressed the red dial button. You turned your phone off before he could call you again. You lay in bed, alone in the dark, thinking about Taerae's face.
And in the privacy of your home, you test if you can also feel submissive and breedable, making Taerae's new iconic look. A secret he'll never know about... As if you didn't already have a big secret.
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Note
AITA for slapping my mother in law?
I (27F) am married to my husband Jay (26M) and we recently had our first child Lily.
Well the pregnancy was a very very difficult one. I was throwing up every day for over six months, suffered long bouts of insomnia, developed gestational diabetes, standing up too fast made me incredibly dizzy, my entire body just constantly hurt, Lily kicked me so hard I legit had tears in my eyes (which combined with full body pain was...not pleasant) and to top it all off Lily weighed ELEVEN pounds and I tore really really badly.
Yeah...ow.
I love my daughter to death but never again. Ever.
Anyways after that literal hell of a pregnancy, I've been more or less bedbound for several weeks now while healing from that entire ordeal. Which means Jay has been taking care of pretty much everything, keeping the house clean, making food, taking care of me and Lily, etc. Its a lot I know and I wish I could do more to help but Jay has been insisting that I rest and recover and that he's got this. He's been handling everything like an absolute champ. Honestly if I didnt have him I dont know how I would be doing anything.
Well this morning Jay's parents came to visit and meet their granddaughter. So I was moved to the living room so I could introduce them to Lily and socialize a bit while Jay cooked lunch.
Now Jay's parents are very traditional. They believe that men make the money and that its the woman's job to take care of the house, the cooking, and the children.
You can probably see where this is going.
I introduce Mother in law to Lily and we get to talking. (Father in law went outside to go smoke)
Thats when mother in law asks why Jay is cooking. More importantly why Im NOT cooking. I tell her I physically cant even stand UP without help so how am I supposed to cook.
She only scoffed saying that I was just making excuses. I am very used to her bullshit by now so I just roll my eyes.
Then Lily started crying because she needed a diaper change. Mother in law tells me to go change her diaper. Again I cant even stand up by myself, much less get up to change a diaper.
I call Jay and he happily comes to get our daughter. Mother in law starts yelling, telling Jay no that I should do it because its my job. She grabs Lily and shoves her back into my arms and tells me to get up and go do it.
Jay, my wonderful angel, tried to tell her that I physically couldnt move for weeks and to mind her own damn business.
She then started yelling even more saying that I was making my husband do my job for me, calling me lazy and a slut (What that has anything to do with this? I have no idea) she went off on a complete tangent about how it was a woman's job to take care of the home and the children, that SHE managed just fine and she had five small children, that I was completely emasculating Jay, that I was a disgrace, etc.
She just kept going and going while not letting me and Jay even get a word in. Until eventually she said that my daughter will probably grow up to be a whore like I am.
I think it was a mix of pure exhaustion and hormones because somehow I managed to stand up for a moment and slap her across the face before immediately falling back on the couch.
Jay looked shocked, Mother in law looked livid. (Father in law was just watching from the doorway, equally as shocked.)
Mother in law started full on screaming, calling me every single name in the book until father in law physically dragged her out of the house by her arm.
Now hours later my phone has been blowing up with messages from my brothers and sister in laws, telling me that I was an asshole and that I had no excuse for hitting their mother.
Hell even my friends think I was in the wrong for hitting her (completely ignoring how she was yelling, calling me horrible names, in front of a newborn baby no less.)
So AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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Note
hiii love your writing omg could you do like. enemies with benefits banter. (w hero x villain obvi) (eg u don’t have to do the nsfw but like the banter)
“So.”
“So?”
The hero crossed their arms in front of their chest as their eyes scanned the villain. From their feet right up to their head. As always, their eyes were hypnotising and the villain almost got a little too distracted.
Sometimes they wished they weren’t as invested as they were. Sometimes they wished they returned to their bitter and cold self.
But, Christ, they were so much happier.
“Is there something you would like to confess?” the hero asked. They almost sounded disappointed.
“Uhh…like how I’d rather watch you undress right now?”
The hero tilted their head and took a step forward. Immediately, the villain could see how their grip on their weapon tightened and instinctively, the villain reached for their own. They were gonna get their ass kicked if they didn’t make the right moves.
“What?” the hero asked, smirking now. “Are you scared?”
“Scared or turned on. Haven’t really decided yet.” Within seconds, the hero managed to push the villain against the wall. One hand on the villain’s shoulder, pinning them against the hard wall, the other still holding the hero’s weapon — a gun this time — and pressing it against the villain’s jaw.
“Well, you better figure out what you’re feeling in the next few seconds because I’m just gonna ask once. You robbed a bank this morning. Where’s the money?”
“Already spent all of it,” the villain said. They shrugged but had to smile when the hero’s eyes widened in shock.
“On what?”
“Oh, I just…” The villain’s fingertips touched the hero’s wrist gently and followed the large scar down the hero’s forearm. They remembered the injury a little too well. A badly broken arm that had needed months to recover fully. To be honest, they didn’t even need the money. They just (desperately) wanted the hero’s attention. “…I just wanted to spoil a certain someone. You know. Dinner, vacation, shopping. All that stuff.”
“You’re so full of shit.” Despite their words, the hero was blushing. Their grip around their gun loosened as they were lost in thought and the villain seized the opportunity to turn the tables and grab the hero and turn them. As a result, they pushed them against the wall, making sure they were gentle with the hero’s ribs. They were still bruised from a recent fight.
The villain leaned in and let their breath hit the hero’s exposed neck.
Probably one of the most sensitive parts of the hero’s body.
“It’s a bit much. But I’m willing to treat you like royalty. I mean who wouldn’t? After such a night…”
“Hey.” The hero pushed the villain’s face away from them, embarrassed. “I’m here for the money you stole, not for…you know, not for…”
“And I just wanted to see you,” the villain answered. They took in a deep breath dramatically. “Is that such a sin?”
“You know, most people separate their work and personal life,” the hero said. Again, the villain’s face came closer and this time, the hero only rolled their eyes and tried to dodge their gaze.
“Well, the first time we got…personal was at work,” the villain reminded them. It had been a very eye opening experience, that was clear.
The hero’s blush deepened and it became quite apparent to the villain that they were a little tired today. They always got a little shy when they didn’t have enough energy.
“Hm. Alright, alright. I guess that’s all the time I’m gonna steal from you today. Don’t want you to be overworked and then all exhausted next time we have—”
“Alright,” the hero said quickly. “Just give me the money and I won’t arrest you.”
“Mmm…fine.” The villain let their eyes drop to the hero’s lips. One last tease. “Feel free to visit me this evening.”
“We’ll see.” As always, that meant they’d be there.
At eight o’clock sharp.
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captainpondlilly · 5 months
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Okay! The Gilear plush has arrived. This is my best attempt at all of his lines. Two have been unintelligible to me, and several are pretty long and fast which made it hard to follow.
My search history is.. hospitals near me, foot stuck in object, head stuck in object
You're low, he's low, It's Gilear's day baby!*
A guy on the street kicked me in the nuts as hard he could
I don't like "lunchlad"
Help me to understand what I have done to deserve this
My horoscope says "today is a good day to die motherfucker"
I ate a quick cup of yogurt on the way over here to bolster my spirits after I changed, I'm ever so sorry
What do you mean "When" life gives you lemons
I went to apply for the guidance counselor position but I was usurped by a drug dealing werewolf named Jawbone
In my haste to put the armor on I buckled the leg plate and think I clipped the tip of my penis against one of the leg plates and Everytime I move it feels like it might fall off so I ASSURE you demon I have no pride to speak of!
In highschool I was voted "Most Likely To Get Pushed Out Of A Tree"
My car was repossessed by the ride share app that I was working for
It's actually a good thing that no one came to my birthday party because the bounce house flooded and was swept out to sea
I just discovered that *all* of my emails have been going to everyone's spam
Unfortunately I have been banned from that hot air balloon service not because of anything that happened to me in particular but the guys who run it just sort of know my whole deal
Mmm this yogurt tastes like *potatoes*
I asked the woman at Home Depot why my plants kept dying and she said it seemed like they were reaching away from the sun
I've found out recently that one of my shoes is so filled with mildew because a pipe in my bedroom is leaking and I've developed a fungal infection in my foot which I didn't know was possible for elves to get
I don't think that I've ever "Peaked" in that we started neutral and have been going downhill ever since
I am currently trapped in a storm drain. The bottom half of me is above the ground, the other is below
Another Own Goal for Gilear Faeth, yes
Everyone knows you eat 7 spiders in your sleep every year, but I have a bunch coming into me the backway
My sandcastle I'm afraid was destroyed, as I was about to finish it, the tide came in and with it a man holding a bazooka who shot me and killed me
I know you're not going to believe this but Ive just been kicked by a snake
I found out the hard way that people can legally reject status as an emergency contact
The title of my autobiography is going to be Gilear Faeth: Please Stop
On my way here I was carrying a large bowl of Italian wedding soup which shattered on the ground in front of me and several of the small pasta balls rolled through the cracks and alerted vermin to my presence. I've since learned after a trip to the hospital I am deathly allergic to the sting of millipedes which is a way of me saying I need someone to come down to the hospital and pay for this. There is a doctor holding a gun to my head and now that I think about it this clinic is in the back of a storage unit and I think have gone to the wrong place
he said and I quote "he'd stomp my goon ass" if I ever got on his bus again
Gorthalax it was very nice to meet you, you've made a cuckold of me
We're the throw up boys!*
I've been informed that the brownies I consumed were laced with cannabis and rat poison
I am completely unprepared for the perils ahead and am deeply frightened, I'll go get the coffee
A gorilla monster punched me so hard in the back of the head I died
Today I have been hit by 3 scooters
Everytime you squeeze my hand it breaks several small bones
My imaginary friend as a child ghosted me because he said I was too depressing
Do you want me to go back? I warn you, it will break me
Can I interest you in an herbal soda? You must understand I am an intern at a ponzi scheme*
When I go to sleep at night I dream of a world where I might be able to walk through a field without stepping on a rake or gopher hole
If anyone needs me... I will be surprised.
If it wasn't for bad luck, Id have no luck is both true and what was written upon the billboard I crashed through
I wonder if any of these will feature in Junior year 👀
*Thanks to @cappa-cappa for telling me the lines I wasn't able to make out!!
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dfortrafalgar · 28 days
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Looooooved ILY! Kudos! It was chair-gripping, tear drenching, rot your teeth fluffy and a bunch of other things in between! Brava! 🥰
If you're still accepting requests (I don't know if you have already been flooded by messages or not) I would like a story about being part of the Kid Pirates but reader is in a really sour mood because it's the anniversary of readers's parents death (you can make up a story if you'd like) and reader disobeys a direct order from him and, to top it off, reader talks back at him in front of the crew, earning the reader a severe punishment (up to you). Eventually Kid finds out why reader's mood is so sour and tries to talk it out except Kid can't be soft and that just makes things more awkward. Could be SFW, could be NSFW, I'm leaving all this up to you. And the ending as well because I only got that far. I hope you like the idea and get excited.
I love your work! ❤️🥰 Thank you for sharing your talent.
HI ANON!!! thank you so much for your request and your super kind words over IMLY, that means so much to me!!!! i know i keep saying this but yall make me smile every single day when i log onto tumblr and see your messages <3
I also really loved writing this request! i really love Kid, but i also wanna kick his ass on the playground if that makes sense, and i think that sentiment came through in my writing ;w; I hope you like it!!! and thank you again!!! (Also, i kept the reason for your parents' death ambiguous, because i know some people (myself included) read fics with their ocs in mind, so you're free to fill in the vagueness with your own personal ideas if you want!)
Feeling Overhaul
Eustass Kid x Fem Reader
The anniversary of your parents' death always leaves you feeling shallow, but your boyfriend's lack of social and situational awareness crops up to make your day even worse.
Warnings: SFW, hurt/comfort, reader being understandably upset, descriptions of an argument with some veeeeery slight verbal abuse, once again hurt/comfort, hurt/comfort. communication is key loves
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Your sour mood had been steadily building over the last few days, but your sorrow reached its peak on the last day of the week, according to the barely legible crew calendar that was based off of when the messenger coos arrived with the weekly paper.  It was a day you despised thinking about, the memories associated with the day leaving your throat tight, an uncomfortable malaise in the pit of your stomach.
All things considered, you thought you were doing a decent job at keeping your emotions in check while performing your usual duties on the Victoria Punk.  The bow of the deck needed a thorough scrubbing, a few spots in the walls of the crow’s nest needed repairs from a recent run in with a smaller, weaker pirate crew, and a few secondary sails needed their holes patched up.  It was a perfect day to distract yourself from your woes.  Drowning your discontent in your work had become quite a valuable skill.
Until you slipped on the soap that lathered the hard wood of the bow and fell flat on your ass.  When trying to stand, your hands gave out under you and you hit the deck once more, one of your crew mates tossing you anxious glances as you struggled to regain your bearings.  Climbing up to the crow’s nest, you were plagued with a sudden wash of grief over the day, so much so that you lost your grip and slipped down the Jacobs ladder, your foot catching on one of the wooden rungs beneath you.  Wire was directly under you, climbing as well to assist with the crow’s nest repairs, and his method of helping you after your slip involved gripping your arm so hard it left a bruise.  You bit back your tears at the pain of your crewmate’s hand around your limb and the humiliation of almost falling 12 feet onto the hard wooden hull, but you once again bit back your shame and finished your arduous climb up.
By the afternoon, word had gotten around the Victoria Punk that your work was lacking, that you were clearly struggling with something, that perhaps you weren’t feeling well.  When it finally got around to Captain Eustass Kid, who doubled as your beloved partner, he was less than pleased.
The last thing he wanted to do was deal with your emotions, and the last thing you wanted to do was deal with his abrasive, apathetic attitude.
“Care to explain why the hell the entire crew has caught you slacking off today?” he demanded, thundering toward you in one of the upper corridors of the ship’s hull.  You were still returning some of the tools you had used to patch up the ship’s sails when he accosted you in the hallway.  It was almost dinner hour, and many of the crew were bustling through the same corridors finishing their afternoon tasks before meal time.
“What?” you snapped back, caught off guard by his threatening question.
“Don’t ‘What’ me.  Why have you been tripping and falling everywhere?  What kind of joke are you trying to play?”  His face was angry, livid even, not granting you even one second to explain your plight.
Your eyebrows furrowed.  “I’m not trying to bumble around the boat like an idiot.  I’m just not feeling well and haven’t been able to focus.”
Kid scoffed.  “Then get over it.”
Perhaps you were being irrational, but at the same time, you had officially had enough of the entire day.  You dropped your supplies on the floor around your feet, heat radiating off of your body in waves.  “What did you just say to me?”
Your captain bent down to be at your level, which was insulting to your current state.  “Get.  Over.  It.”
Anger boiled in your lungs, lighting your heart on fire, blinding the corners of your vision with a fuzzy white light.  You tried to turn your back to him and escape down the corridor, but yelped when Kid grabbed your wrist and pulled you back toward him.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you?” he asked.  He really couldn’t control the sound of his voice, regardless of his current emotion, and the volume of his shouts filling the space made your body tense up in fear.  Eyes watching the scene unfold around you widened.
Around the corner behind Kid’s back, Killer darted forward, alerted to the sounds emanating from the narrow passage.  “Kid, chill out!”
“Are you going to care about me any more if I tell you?” you demanded back, trying to pull your wrist away from his grip.  His flesh hand held firm, however, almost burning your skin.  He shrugged Killer’s own hand off of his shoulder forcefully, completely ignoring his friend’s plea to calm himself somewhat.
Kid rolled his eyes.  “It better be damn important if it’s got you almost falling off of the Jacobs ladder.”
You steeled yourself, sucking in an uneasy breath and facing your stubborn partner head on.  “Today’s the anniversary of my parents’ death.  I’ve never been able to feel alright when I think about them.”
There was a brief, uncomfortable silence that floated between the two of you, the air in the hallway thrumming with a suffocating tension.  Kid’s grip finally relaxed on your wrist, allowing you to yank it away and rub your sore skin.  His red-painted lips finally parted, and all he graced your ear drums with was, “That’s it?”
Your heart dropped.  “What do you mean ‘that’s it’?”
“Parents die all the time.  What makes today so different?”  His narrow eyes were back to their scathing glare.
At this point, however, you had had enough.  You were practically shaking with a barely contained rage of your own as you stepped closer to your captain and spat in his face, causing him to stagger backward, giving you enough space to let your emotions bubble outward.  “I don’t have to tell you shit if you’re going to talk to me like that!  In front of the entire crew?!  Just because you’re my captain doesn’t mean you get the excuse to accost me in the hallway and berate me for slipping a few times.”  You frantically dug through your brain for words to add to your outburst, perhaps asking how he had the sheer gall to have such an attitude toward you despite dropping his walls and being so kind toward you on an average day, but all you could muster in response was, “Fuck you, Kid.”
You stepped away from him, narrowly missing another one of his lunges to get you to stay.  His voice was low and intimidating.  “Don’t talk to me like that.”
“Then don’t tell me that my day of grieving is stupid!  Fuck!  You!” you spat back, finally turning on your heels and sprinting out of his reach, down the hallway and into the ladder well into the lower deck, desperate to get as far away from your captain as possible.  You knew he was prone to struggling with empathy, and kindness had never been one of his strong suits, but to be talked to in such a way, have your feelings belittled after you had almost severely injured yourself as a consequence of your lacking mental health, hurt more than a stab to the liver.
Kid’s burning gaze followed you as you fled, harshly turning on his own heels to slink to the galley and drown his frustrations in whatever liquor the crew had acquired from the last island.  He bumped Killer’s shoulder, forcing the blonde to the side.  The crew watched as their captain rounded the corner out of sight.
---
You didn’t arrive for the dinner call, your usual seat left unfilled and the plate uneaten.  A few crew mates who hadn’t witnessed the explosive scene from an hour ago asked around for your whereabouts, but the only one who bothered to stand up and search for you was Quincy who quickly ate her meal and abandoned the table.
Kid was pounding back alcohol like no one’s business, leading to many a concerned glance.
“Kid,” Killer muttered.  He rested his masked head in his hand, desperate for context at what he had previously run in on.  “What happened?”
“Nothing,” the red-head grumbled, throwing back another mug of golden beer, some of it dribbling down the side of his mouth.
The few straggling crew members who remained around the large dining table shared worried looks.
“It’s clearly not nothing,” Killer countered.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” snapped Kid.  Even at the age of 23, he was still no better than a bratty little child when things didn’t go his way.
Killer dropped the subject with a sigh, the sound escaping the holes in his mask with a subdued hiss.
Quincy, on the other hand, carefully opened the door to the women’s bunk room where she found you, curled on your side on the mattress that used to belong to you when you first joined the Kid Pirates, your face buried in a pillow and your shoulders shaking with silent sobs.
“Darling,” she cooed, silently tapping across the floor to sit on the side of the bed, her gentle hand ghosting over your arm.  “What happened?  Why didn’t you come to dinner?”
The sound of her voice unraveled you from your coil, your tear-stained face and puffy red eyes meeting her concerned stare.  “Kid and I had a fight,” was all you said.
“About?”
You rolled onto your back, clutching the pillow that was thoroughly drenched in your salty tears to your abdomen.  “Today’s the anniversary of my parents’ death, and when Kid asked me what was wrong, he told me, ‘What makes today so different, parents die all the time.’  Like…?” your voice wavered, “Who says that?  And to his girlfriend nonetheless!”
Quincy made a disappointed tsk sound with her tongue, sympathetically rubbing your arm through the sleeve of your shirt.  “Honey, he’s stupid.  But still, he was wrong to speak to you like that.”
You sniffled, wiping some snot from your face with the arm that wasn’t being caressed by your close friend.  “I know… but it still hurts.  I wish he could just… I don’t know… be nicer to me?”
For what it was worth, both of you knew that Kid wasn’t truly ‘stupid.’  He was strong, strategic, and resilient, but when it came to matters of the heart, his brain dwarfed to the size of a peanut.  It was only a matter of getting the headstrong captain to realize how he had truly hurt you.
“Honey, sleep in here for a few nights to get a proper rest, away from him,” Quincy offered, standing up from her seat on your mattress to approach one of the wardrobes, pulling out a comfortable shirt and baggy pants to relax in.  “Let this blow over for a little while, and then you can try to talk it out with him.  We can help if you need it.”
You sat up yourself, gratefully taking the clothing from her arms, a small smile on your lips.  “Thanks, Quin.”
The curly-haired woman left the bunkhouse to let you change, passing by Killer trudging through the hallway, a towel draped over his scarred arm.  “Hey, have you talked to Kid?”
“He’s drunk off his ass right now,” Killer grumbled, dragging his free hand down his mask in a display of exasperation.  “I couldn’t get him to tell me what happened, but he’s gonna be out of it for the rest of the evening.”
Quincy bit the inside of her cheek as she assessed the first mate’s message.  “I’ll tell you.”
---
It had been about three days since the argument Kid had blasted you with in front of your crew mates, your humiliation and anger toward your captain burning a hole into your lungs.  You couldn’t contain your tears for at least six hours after your initial outburst, the grief of losing your parents in the way you had all those years ago now partnered with the anguish of screaming at Kid… and spitting on his face.  The act was so beneath you, and yet.  Dive and Hip, who had seen the argument first-hand, had helped to assure you that you weren’t in the wrong for what you had said, reassuring your stance that Kid was far too intimidating when all he wanted was a simple answer for your strange behavior.
Heat had come to you with a covered plate containing the dinner you had missed, informing you that Kid still had a very poor system of managing his emotions.  While you understood this first hand, being his partner for the better part of a year, you still didn’t believe that was a proper excuse to diminish your emotions in the way he had.
After those three days of your absence, strategically avoiding him at all hours of the day, Kid was fed up.  He needed to talk.  His bed was too empty without you.
Killer told him it would be a bad idea to call you to his quarters, but he did it anyway.  And when your anxious knocking reverberated through the thick wooden door of his cabin, he was quick to call your name and grant you entry.
You stepped in, shutting the door softly behind you, keeping your head low.  Kid stood from his mattress, clearing the floor in broad steps and trying his best to lay on the charm, wrapping his large arm around you and cooing his best, casual greeting, “Hey, babe, I’ve missed you.”
You shrugged yourself away from him, your eyes downcast.  You looked… hollow.  “Did you want something from me, captain?”
Kid felt a foreign pang deep in his chest.  You hadn’t been referring to him as your boyfriend or partner.  Right now, he was strictly ‘captain,’ and that notion left him feeling far too empty and vulnerable for his liking.
Fuck, he wasn’t good at this in any way.
Your gaze bore scorching holes into his own eyes, silently demanding the apology that you knew you deserved to hear from him.  With a deep sigh, Kid turned around and stomped back to his mattress, dropping his head into his hands.
“I didn’t know your parents died,” he blurted.
You stayed quiet.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”  His voice was a low grumble.
You suppressed a scoff.  “How about, ‘Sorry for yelling at you in front of the crew?’  Or, ‘I’m sorry for saying that your feelings don’t matter.’  Something like that, maybe.”  Your voice, in comparison, was eerily level, your time to be physically upset with the situation having expired two days ago.  Now all you were left with was an uncomfortable feeling of unease, a hole in your heart where Kid usually sat now being emptied and replaced with a barren cavern that desperately wished to be occupied by the man you loved once more.
Because you really did love him.  You knew his lifestyle, his behaviors, his tendencies toward cruelty.  And yet, he remained kind toward you.  He allowed you to open up to him and did the same in turn, and he nestled himself perfectly, albeit clumsily, into your life.  You didn’t want to lose that.
Watching as Kid clearly struggled forming those two little words on his tongue was like watching someone perform self-surgery.  His pride had impeded his sense of empathy for so long that the simple notion of apologizing was such an estranged concept for him.
How stunted.
But you held firm, remaining in front of his closed door as he kept his head in his hand, his thick fingers teasing through his slightly greasy red hair.  After what felt like an eternity, he finally picked his head up.  “I’m sorry.”
There it was.
He continued, sucking in a shaky breath.  “I really didn’t know it was the anniversary of your family’s death.  I wish I asked you about it sooner instead of… that.”
You stayed quiet.
“... Instead of yelling at you like that.  And attacking you for something that was out of your control.”  He kept his voice low, as if he was carefully picking out his words from a small bucket inside his thick skull.
After a few uncomfortable moments of silence, you released the tension in your shoulders with a sigh.  “And I’m sorry for spitting on you.  And for cursing you out.”
“No, you shouldn’t apologize,” Kid stated, finally picking up his head and gazing at you, his eyebrows furrowed.  “I deserved it, really.”  His fingers anxiously rubbed the rough fabric of his pants.  “Killer sat me down and gave me a bit of a beat down.  Physically and verbally.  Because I know I’m not good at this.  I’m not a good person.  And I really fucked up with you.”
You remained firm with your feelings, but you finally approached his bed and sat next to him, leaving a comfortable gap between your bodies that your captain, your partner, didn’t try to close.  He kept his distance from you, silently ensuring that you were allowed, and encouraged, to open up to him when you were the most comfortable.
“I just want to make sure that you actually mean it,” you whispered.  “And that you’re not just saying that without believing it.”
“I mean it,” Kid confirmed, his voice unwavering.  “I really do.”
You gazed at him apprehensively.  “... Promise?”
Silently, Kid held out his pinky toward you.
You looked at his finger, confusion glossing your features.  “What are you doing?”
“Have you never made a pinky promise before?” he asked.
Your mouth threatened to curl into a small smile.  “Can’t say that I have.”
Kid released his hand only so he could take yours, folding your fingers down so only your own pinky stuck out from your fist.  He repeated the motion with his own hand, curling his smallest digit around your own.  “It’s a promise that I mean what I said.  Killer and I used to do this all the time as kids.”
Your composure finally broke as you snorted, your own finger curling around his.  “That’s sweet…”
“The point is that, if I break the promise, you get to break my finger,” he explained.
“Suddenly everything makes sense,” you uttered, your lips finally curling into a grin.  “Don’t give me an excuse to break your finger.”
In response to your lighthearted plea, Kid raised his hand with yours still attached and pulled back down in a handshake gesture.  “Never.”
Your finger stayed curled around his as you gazed at your hand.  “I’m still kind of upset with you.”
Kid’s shoulders stiffened.  “I get why.”  After you stayed silent for a few extra moments, he finally asked, “What can I do to make it up to you?”
Your eyes bore into his once more, his gaze remaining steady as well.  “You can start by not jumping to conclusions… or being accusatory without any context.”  You sighed.  “I’m not telling you to change your entire personality, Kid, because I know who you are.  And I fell in love with the normal, regular You.  But I just ask for a little bit of kindness.”
Kid released your pinky in order to lace his entire hand with yours.  “I’ll give you more than a little.”
“Or I can break your pinky?” you asked once more, another small smile breaking out on your face.
Your partner grinned.  “I’ll throw myself overboard if you ask.”
You finally closed the gap between your bodies, tentatively laying your head on his shoulder.  “No… I wouldn’t want to lose you like that.”
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punksocks · 1 month
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Warning Signs That You May Have A Toxic/Karmic Significant Other
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Hey everyone, you may have seen my recent post about breaking up with my ex partner after 5.5 years. If not, I’ve been deep in reflection after ending this relationship. My reasons for ending it were that he refused to seek professional help to manage his anger which would come out in constant outbursts of violence (not physical ab*se but hitting walls, kicking furniture, scarring my dog, etc) and his mental health in general. After breaking things off I analyzed our relationship and all the red flags became crystal clear in hindsight. This blog is not only my emotional space to reflect, but also a place to give out advice to make sure you guys feel less alone in the world. So I’ve compiled a list of behaviors that made it clear that in hindsight the relationship was destine to be toxic and could not continue. It’s important to take lessons from painful experiences in order to continue to grow, and that’s what I hope I can help with by sharing my experiences here:
(TW Manipulation, Distressing Themes, Emotional Ab*se)
- They hate your intuition: (they work to make you doubt whatever means you have of self guidance. Whether that’s tarot/astrology, or spirituality in general, or therapy, or your simple gut feelings/reactions to things. They hate them because they know that they’ll be singled out at some point by them so they work to make you not believe in yourself through manipulation/gaslighting. My ex would constantly say the tarot is going to tell me to break up with him, but he never really changed he’d just belittle it and say I was getting weird about spirituality and he’d try to make me doubt myself or choose between the tarot and him. When I asked him to go to therapy he would also say that he was worried the therapist would tell him to break up with me-implying I was the problem. When I would ask him to go anyway he would find a way to avoid it- saying it’s too expensive, too hard to find, he doesn’t have time, etc)
-They constant give you advice that puts you in harm’s way: (My ex always told me I was too quick to cut off people that threw me under the bus and that I was paranoid. When I found out my former business partner was being shady and stealing from me, he told me to keep working with her. I said I had to take things over. He said I had no chance of covering the expenses on my own and that he wasn’t going to help me at all even though he was working a consistent 9-5. I rationalized this as putting too much pressure on him to support me through my apprenticeship over the previous few months, even though by the time we were having this discussion I had picked up a seasonal 9-5 to compensate for starting the business. I still felt guilty because I was asking him to cover the rent at home while I built this business up. I ended up wracking up debt over trying to cover everything myself and he was telling me I was going to fail every step of the way. When I didn’t fail and the business remained open over a year later, he said he had always believed in me every step of the way.)
- They rewrite history (that’s the other thing- when I broke up with him he said it was his idea to open the studio in the first place. This was a lie. A bold one at that. At the time I would have had to become self taught due to dealing with several egotistical mentors (wow thematic) and I looked for positions in other studios and there were none. My ex told me I should “pause” my goals. I told him I’ll open up my own space with another artist. He had a long talking down to me about how we couldn’t afford any of that, and how impossible it was, etc. But I went through with it anyway, effectively doing all the work on my own. He constantly told me what I was doing was crazy. But I made success out of it, thank God. Now my ex is trying to take credit for the whole thing as if I don’t remember what happened. Audacious.)
- Instead of having their own dreams they focus on wearing yours down (I have so many big dreams I want to accomplish and every other idea I shared with my ex was pushed back on or breadcrumbed. I wanted to live abroad, he’d say it’s too expensive but maybe he could find a way to make it work if I stopped putting so much pressure on him. I took over my own business, he told me I shouldn’t do it and should quit while I’m ahead. He would always try to counter every idea I had with a “logical reason” of why it wouldn’t work. He would try to control me by doubting me and in turn trying to get me to doubt myself. I never actually listened to him in hindsight, and when I pushed through successfully he would pretend to have been on my side the whole time.)
-They always compare you to their exes, in bold ways (My ex would always go out of his way to bring up his past relationships. The examples and instances were never appropriate. But one of the first worst early examples was when we were at a show. My friend’s band was playing. In the middle of the set he decided to look up his ex on social media. I was clearly uncomfortable but he continued. Then when we’re talking he brought up a nickname she used to call him that was inappropriate. When I was upset by this he threw a shirt (merch gifted to him by my friend’s band) in the booth almost hitting me with it and he stormed off. He made himself seem like the victim in a situation where he was trying to bait me into starting a public argument and yet made me soothe him afterward.)
- The betrayal of not ever being believed (early on this was another giant red flag in hindsight. I’m black and I tried to explain colorism to him, while I was having a bad experience with it. He’s white and should have been listening and understanding with open ears. Instead he tried to argue me down for being “mean” to light skinned black people. In the experience I was talking about how a mixed femme at work established a boundary with our white bosses to try to avoid racist harm. They let the femme do this without any pushback. I tried to establish the same boundary in the same meeting and those white bosses accused me of actively refusing to do my job. I told my ex this was colorist and that’s when he argued with me about this. He didn’t believe my experiences until he googled “the right articles”. When I brought this up in the future he would say he was just trying to see all black people as equal. It was a pretty disgusting defense.)
- Throwing insults in your face about past trauma (I told my ex about how emotionally abusive my mother was (wow there’s that pattern again) and he would throw this in my face and blame me or compare me to her at the slightest provocation in several arguments. When I was disrespected at work, he would blame me for misinterpreting things. Complaining about how I used him for money whenever I had asked him for help managing the business’ expenses. And so many deep cuts of things he should never said to me and names he shouldn’t have called me if he ever cared about me. He always wrote it off as me misremembering or him meaning it as something else or a distraction tactic of whataboutism -‘what about when you complained that I left dirty clothes on the floor?’ For example. All ways he tried to manipulate me from seeing this pattern of messed up behavior. Every argument he would make us talk in circles until I would have to give up from frustration and exhaustion.)
-They’re full of hot air, and if they seem like they aren’t they’re probably mirroring you (when I broke up with him I stopped hanging out with him pretty much immediately. Although I had to coordinate moving out still, I started keeping my head down to focus on my work. Essentially I had already moved on. I thought we had had deep discussions about the world and life but when I had less to say he had nothing to add. He would just keep filling up the air with anecdotes about nothing and commentary on anything just to keep crossing my boundaries and to try to force me to pay attention to him when it was clear I neither interested or comfortable doing so.)
- They try to force you to become as cynical and jaded as they are (I was never antagonistic per se, but when we were together I had unconsciously started looking/preparing for the worst in every scenario and every person I’d meet. Because of my ex’s toxic influence. Getting along with coworkers? They must be just “kissing up to you” according to him. Like that tv show most people are fond of? No way that has to be trash. Want to try something new? No there can’t be anything good about that. He was a very stuck person that refused to find the joy in almost anything. Unless it was too impressive to ignore —but even then he had to nitpick it apart. I would wonder why his compliments would feel so hollow- it was because he really had trouble seeing the good in anything. Like a day or two after we broke up I was already feeling lighter and more optimistic. When people were kind to me I embraced it easier and in turn every aspect of life got a little brighter. The contempt for others was palatable. Because he expected everyone to be ready to undercut him like he was ready to do to them.)
- Before you know it, they’ll have you romanticizing breadcrumbing behavior (I asked my ex to get on meds for his mental health and to find a therapist so many times over the course of 5 years. 4-5 months before I broke up with him he got on medication. Then after a peace period of a month or so, we were back in a cycle of petty arguments and he was saying the meds don’t work. He didn’t even try to go to therapy until I broke up with him. he got an appointment the next day because he “was trying to win me back” Essentially, he’d never work on himself or actually actively improve things. He’d always make one or two half steps to placate me then complain about how it was too hard and completely impossible to put the work in. Even with the therapy example, he wanted to display that he could make progress in order to win me back. Don’t worry, I had seen this tactic before and knew he would just fall back into toxicity. So, it didn’t work.)
- When you do leave they get cocky about how you’ll have nowhere to go (I leaned on my ex to support me when I became overwhelmed by figuring out my business on my own. I worked several temp jobs in addition to the business but it was stretching me thin. So I needed his help several times and only had so much saved up by the time I broke up with him. After begging me to take him back the entire night and pretending to be supportive, the next day he was scoffing and boasting about how “[he] didn’t even know what [I] was going to do.” He did this over everything from buying my own detergent-even though I always bought the detergent- to managing my bills on my own-even though I usually managed most of my bills on my own- until I finally was able to move out and leave him behind.)
- They never defend you and always make it seem like it’s your fault if you get attacked (My ex was always siding with abusive people and gaslighting me when I noticed that behavior. As many of you may know, my mom was a terror throughout my childhood. I confided in my ex about how much of an impact this had had on me. Before I went no contact with her we all got dinner when she came in town to see me. Despite all my warnings and preemptive begging to be supported through the difficulty of meeting with her my ex threw me under the bus immediately. He laughed at her jokes at my expense and didn’t stop her at all from singling me out. I shutdown in this moment and began to draw to cope- I’m neurodivergent so that’s one of the things I default to doing when I’m overwhelmed. They continued to make fun of me together and when I asked him why he didn’t have my back afterward, he blamed me for “not being friendly enough” and “not interacting with [my] mom enough”. This pattern of doubting and failing to help me would continue through our entire relationship.)
- They’ll have -self aware- moments that aren’t quite what they seem (I truly cannot count the number of times my ex would start an argument just to talk me in circles then try to get me to believe I was in the wrong too. It was truly maddening. He would always push to say he “understood” how we had gotten there. Then ramble on and on and on saying that I was attacking him and he was the victim of things. I asked him to do the dishes? I’m “criticizing [his] housework and putting too much pressure on [him]”. I ask him not to throw things when he’s upset? I’m “overly criticizing [him] and making [him] so anxious he can’t help but hit things”. And on and on and on it went. He would always tidy it up by saying he forgave me because we were “both wrong” and he just “would try to be better next time and [I] should too”.)
-They have underlying personality issues that need to be addressed (and when you bring a hint of these up, they lash out about how you’re attacking them and they throw personal attacks back at you because of their fragile ego. If you -somehow- get them to see a mental health professional you may find them lying about what feedback they got. After I broke up with him he said he’d go to anger management class and find a therapist “to win me back”- funny how it’s after you leave them and set the ultimate boundary they do the work to show you they can hypothetically change and it’s never one of the times you’ve begged before in the midst of madness. Before I moved out I overheard his therapy appointment and she asked about his bipolar diagnosis and he said he was just anxious despite the mood swings. When he came to me to tell me the good news of him finally going to therapy he left that out. When I asked if the therapist knew if he had another disorder he manipulated that. He said the therapist asked if it could be anything else but it was just a brief thought. He framed it that way instead of the consistent behavioral issue it was.)
- Usually they attract drama and chaos but blame you for it as their partner (He always kept his ex around in boundary crossing ways. In hindsight I wouldn’t be surprised if he had cheated in any way with any of them because of how murky he was about spending one on one time with them. They also will always encourage you to keep other toxic people in your life so they can keep flying under the radar/blaming the other toxic people when you feel drained/etc. When I decided to go no contact with my parents, he second guessed me. When I decided to go no contact with my friends that were harmful, he second guessed me. He went out of his way to call me paranoid and picky and every other name in the book he could. Even after I broke up with him he went out of his way to tell me I was paranoid and should quit tarot reading “because [he] knew it would turn [me] against [him] one day”. I told him his opinion meant less than nothing to me.)
- Whenever you set a boundary they try to undermine it and take it as an attack (When we met, all of my ex’s small circle of friends was made up of people he had dated or slept with. Once his friend, who had flirted with him multiple times, asked to stay in his apartment while she moved out of her place. He offered her his bed. She even had a boyfriend at the time but she went to my ex first. I told him this made me very uncomfortable. He screamed and yelled about how he’ll always choose his friends first and I have to understand that and that she didn’t want to sleep in his bed while he was in it. It was crazy but the whole time he called me dramatic and made me feel insane for being so uncomfortable with it.)
- They may often act out in public over the littlest things (my ex would get absolutely infuriated when there were lines in places. Insane right? Especially living in cities? with other people? And yet whenever we went out I’d have to prepare my mental for the possibility of him getting angry and breaking down because people were waiting ahead of him in line. In hindsight the entitlement he had was overwhelming in itself. The last time we went out to a movie -which was a whole scheduling fiasco in of itself with him during our entire relationship, he was obsessed with movies. I like movies but spending 6-9 hours in a theater? Every week? On top of hours of mandatory movie viewing at home? It was exhausting. He also made me pay for my own monthly movie pass even though it was his thing. Even in covid, although I’m immunocompromised I had to negotiate with him to wait to get vaccinated before he went back to the theater. And to wear a mask in the showings. He would huff and fuss about those small courtesies the entire time. Anyway the last movie we went out to see had a long line but we bought tickets ahead of time. He pitched a fit and kept storming off away from me and threatening to leave over the line. I kept following him foolishly, and coaxed him into staying. Of course there were enough seats and of course he enjoyed the movie. He apologized after for “getting overwhelmed by the line” but that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.)
- It’s all or nothing for them but breadcrumbs for you (I’ve always been clear that I have no plans of staying in the country I’m from. From the start I’ve understood I’m not meant to stay here. And yet I stayed in a city I hated so he could suddenly finish his associates degree. We moved back to my hometown but we lived in the most stressful neighborhood because he “wanted to be downtown with a pool.” He would always complain about every single idea I had to leave the country. I’m thinking about doing a language school or artist residency? He “did long distance with [his] ex who cheated and it would be too hard”. I want to study this language and go to this -easy-place for a visa? He “kept forgetting to study and had no idea how we would ever afford the move.” And on and on it went until I simply gave up on trying to get him to step up.)
- They twist everything to be about them even grief (my grandma was like a mother to me, so it hit me hard when she died. She even told me she was going and thanked me for my friendship at the end. It was still a very difficult period and I couldn’t accept it until it just happened. When I got the call and burst into tears my ex said “I’m so sorry… do you blame me because we stayed here for me to go to school and you couldn’t be home with her?” It hadn’t even been 20 minutes since I learned she was gone. The extent of his selfishness would shock me until I cut him off.)
- They make you bury things they don’t like about your self expression/goals (I’ll use a simple example. I love fairy lights. When we met I had fairy lights and my ex had no complaints. But when we moved in together they ‘would always bother him and give him headaches’. So I took out the lights. Then he got me a glowing lamp I wanted for my birthday but never allowed me to turn it on when we were in the room. I brought the lights I love to my work and my ex would complain about them there too. He’d say he didn’t know why he “just didn’t like spending time at the studio” and then use the lights as an excuse, and then hed complain all day about how exhausting it was to be there. He’d only offer to come to the studio more if I turned them off just for him. All this time later and all of a sudden I don’t have any lights I like up. This didn’t happen for everything, but there were a lot of little things he was so controlling about just to be authoritative about something I liked.)
- They hate it when you have positive things happen to you (and instead of seeing your success as a good thing they see it as you one upping them, so they often express jealousy and then disguise it as a joke. He would “joke” about how I was going to fail so often I lost count. When I had a great day there would always be a hint of disappointment in his voice. He would always undermine it in anyway he could. “Oh you made X amount that’s nice, but that’s not enough to cover the rent”. I got a lot of compliments on my outfits, so he’d say “no one ever compliments me”. Always something to bring me down and try to get me to focus on a worry.)
- They downplay your trauma (I’m a burn survivor. My dad burned me through hot water and neglect as a baby on around 20% of my body. For that and many other reasons I became sort of a local legend for my time in our local child protective services. In a city of well over a million people. Doctors thought I wouldn’t be able to walk again and it was a miracle when I did. My grandmother had to wrap my scars everyday, twice a day for 3-4 years afterwards. She would tell me the pain would make me cry random throughout the night until I went to kindergarten. All that to say, my scars had a BIG impact on my health and my life. When I told my ex about my insecurity he said “sorry that happened, but it’s not that big of a deal.” Crazily at 21 I took that as flattery. It was not, it was severely downplaying the trauma I went through because my ex didn’t care for that part of my life. I even remember thinking I should tag a post as a burn survivor and he said “isn’t that like advertising your burns, why warn people about it?”. I got better and embraced my scars all through my own healing but damn it was all severely fucked up.)
- They usually have a Fatal Flaw they try to make you contend with (My ex had explosive anger where he would hit something (a wall, the couch, his desk, etc) or throw things at any slight provocations, and he would disguise it as a reaction of low self esteem instead. I didn’t realize how bad the conditioning had got until I broke up with him and I wasn’t getting jumpy from him coming home anymore or my dog wasn’t hiding from him anymore. I was walking on eggshells all the time and I only knew it subconsciously. He would also curse at me and call me the meanest names from the smallest arguments, he would get belittling. It’s their signature style to make you feel small and to desensitize you to truly nightmarish behavior.)
- That’s the other thing- most people and sometimes animals can tell they’re off (I would always wonder why my ex never seemed to make a good impression on others. They could tell he was off from the start.)
- They start trying to love bomb you after you give up or when they sense you are finally giving up (I always asked my ex to pay more attention to my business/endeavors/art/etc when we were together, to respond to texts I sent him at work-within reason-, to give me some support or feedback. His replies were always blasé. “That’s nice.” Or “I will.” As soon as I broke up with him. He was complaining that he always missed texting me at work. Then he started getting more involved on my social media pages. Then for the first time in months he watched my story on Instagram completely unwelcomed and unprompted. It was how fake the performance of interest was that really struck me after everything.)
- They always ask for one more chance when you’ve given them at least a hundred chances (Evem when I broke up with him he kept saying “you cut off other people (for being toxic) but I never thought it would be me!” I feel like I’ve already put plenty of examples of this, so I’ll just say this points to the fact that at their base motivation they don’t really respect you or care about you. If someone actually cares about you, they’re going to go out of their way to make you comfortable, to care about your opinions and feedback, from the very start)
- Even when it’s over, they still always try to blame you for their bad behavior. (My ex painted himself as an introvert when he was in a relationship. I had always asked him to make -newer, healthier- friends and to make a social effort. Since the beginning. After we broke up he made an effort to go out to social events. After he went out one day he came back and said “I was such a girlfriend guy, I never went out and socialized!” In turn I said you’re not a girlfriend guy you never cared about what I had to say, if you were a girlfriend guy I wouldn’t have had to break up with you for literally never taking me into account. So that ended that.)
- When it’s over the relief hits you in waves (I didn’t even realize how much I was doing to cope with the hostility and boredom of the relationship until it was over. I stopped overeating, I actually lost my appetite for days. I went from taking edibles every week to not even craving the ones I had. I wasn’t the most indulgent but I was shocked by how immediately I was fine with going cold turkey. My time with myself became even more peaceful. Even before I moved out, I was more creative and productive. I felt the beauty and the optimism of all the little moments deep in my spirit and my glow was brighter than ever before. My ex kept turning to me in despair and asking “how can you be so okay with this??” I answered him indifferently because he wasn’t worth entertaining. But obviously my spirit had been restored, I wasn’t wasting love on anyone that didn’t deserve it anymore. My energy was finally all mine. And I had faith in God that everything would be alright. And it was.)
You slowly but surely realize that you were formed to be a victim of a narcissistic/antagonistic person due to being raised by narcissistic parents and in an environment full of enabling emotionally and verbally abusive behavior. When we met I was so vulnerable. I had moved to a new city on my own, I was in a financially precarious place. The city was The Worst for Black people (tm). I was so desperate for an ally, I caught an energy vampire instead. I’ve healed and learned a lot from this. To be much more deliberate about who I let into my life. To be unafraid of purging and moving on when someone shows you they’re incapable of growth. To not accept crumbs of affection and appreciation. To pour my love into myself first before I let anyone else do the same. So I write all this to say, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that some people are so corrupted to the core that they’d rather destroy you than heal themselves. So… forgive yourself for this experience. Forgive yourself for being a person that just loves and cares about others. That believes in cultivating a world full of warmth and compassion. Don’t let one (or a dozen- ugh the people I’ve had to move on from oml) toxic ass person ruin you and your compassion. I had to forgive myself for believing in a lot of disappointing, inept, bad people. But I won’t stop being kind and compassionate because of those losers. I’ll continue to shine my light on those who need it whenever I’m supposed to. I mean I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to rely on anyone again without fear of their self interest but one step at a time, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Anyway, wish me luck on this fresh start. Buy a reading if you want to support me. But yeah, thanks for reading y’all.
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hllfireclb · 1 year
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Eddie Munson is the type of boyfriend who‘s almost begging you to ride his face :(
He‘d sit there, on his bed with his guitar in his hands because he wanted to play your favorite songs which he had recently learned, even if they aren‘t his type of music at all sometimes. But then he sees you undressing in front of him, getting into some of his comfy clothes- aka just an oversized Iron Maiden shirt and your panties. He completely forgets about his plan of playing something for you. His gaze is glued to your bare legs when you sit next to him, smiling like the angel you are and waiting for him to start. Eddie has other plans now. You and Eddie had sex already yes..but he knows you feel uncomfortable sometimes, when you‘re on top of him. Whether when you’re riding him during sex or when you’re just sitting down on his lap during lunch because he forced you to. You know that he loves you no matter how heavy you get on his lap after sitting there for an hour straight, he loves you no matter what. It doesn’t matter how you look, how heavy you are, how much you’re crying, how much you’re laughing…it all doesn’t matter to him. He loves you just the way you are. He loves everything about you and he always will and you know that, he shows you everyday. He always wants the best for you and he just knows that you‘d love riding his face, plus, he’d enjoy it just as much as you would.
"Ed‘s are you okay?" your soft voice suddenly interrupts his naughty thoughts and his gaze lift up a bit, your eyes meeting his.
"You‘re staring Love" you chuckle at him.
"Oh seriously?" he says as an embarrassed chuckle leaves his throat, feeling kinda ashamed that he’s been caught staring. Normally he loves being catchend by you but now? Now he feels like you were able to read his dirty mind.
"What‘s on your mind, Mh?" You stroke his leg up and down, your fingertips making him shiver and get the hardest goosebumps ever.
"You. On top of me. Riding my face" he boldly says while looking you dead in the eye.
Your cheeks flush red, your heart starts beating like you just ran at least 10 miles and your palms get sweaty. You knew that Eddie is straight -forward most of the time, but that he‘d say something so intimate out of nowhere caught you so off guard, that you don’t know how to respond. So you just stare at him with red, hot cheeks.
"I know you don’t like being on top but baby I promise it will feel fucking amazinggg!" He pouts at you, putting his guitar next to the bed before he rolls over to you so his head can rest in your lap. His big, brown puppy eyes met with yours again.
"I promise that you‘ll love it! You won’t hurt me or anything! I‘d fucking enjoy it too, really! Gosh you don’t know how many times I already dreamed about you, sitting on my face and riding my tongue! Just the thought of it makes me hard!" He still pouts innocently.
While your boyfriend looks up at you like a kicked puppy, you sit there with hot cheeks, a flustered face and no words left to say. You want to make Eddie happy, you want him to eat you out while you‘re on top but you never did something like that with any other boy before, so you’re pretty inexperienced when it comes to face riding. The fear of squishing Eddie and his face below you makes you feel bad, scared even. You want to discuss with him, tell him that it‘s a bad idea and that you maybe shouldn’t ride his face…but the look in his face just makes you so for for him that you can’t say no.
"Fine..but you have to promise me, that if you feel uncomfortable you‘ll tell me!" You say while stroking his hair softly.
The smile that forms on his lips reaches up, almost hitting his ears because of how big it is. His eyes immediately turn almost black because of lust and he lays flat on his back before patting onto his chest. Smirking at you with the devilish grin of his.
"Come here princess, get rid of those panties and sit on your throne"
My Masterlist
If you have any suggestions, constructive criticism etc. please let me know! I‘m happy about any feedback!🤍
Sorry for any writing mistakes!
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subwaysurf45 · 1 year
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Going Out and Coming In
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Summary: having you come out to the club was always a treat in Bucky’s eyes, you were never one to party like the rest of them. With all the alcohol and music bumping through your viens it’s hard to keep your hands off of Bucky, and he knows it too. 
Pairing: College!Bucky x College!Reader
Words: 5k
Warnings: SMUT: edgining, denial, oral (m4f), praise kink. Alcohol, drunk reader, the tiniest amount of peer pressure, fluff anf fun!
Masterlist
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You: Hey just got out of class, want me to grab a coffee for you? 
Bucky: E-Transfer: $10
Bucky: Sure, just that coffee you got me last time, forget the name of it but it was really good!
You: are we going to pass over the E-Transfer like it didn’t happen?
Bucky: Yes
Bucky: No questions. Just coffee. 
After reading the texts you just stood in line with the feeling of a blush creeping on your face, you accepted the money and had it ready when you walked up to the cash. It was a nice coffee shop you went to all the time and had recently introduced to your no-label-but-you’re-very-exclusive-friend-who-is-also-a-boy. He wanted to meet you between classes for an hour so you sent him the address, he was there when you showed up and kept looking around the small coffee shop, a smile staying on his face. That felt like forever ago, now you went on a coffee run whenever you were heading over to his place after classes. 
“Hi, can I get two vanilla lattes?” you asked and the barista nodded. You paid and waited off to the side, sending a text to Bucky to let him know you were coming over soon. 
He sent a winky face as a response, you cleared it away and saw your lock screen. Bucky asked if you wanted to see his family after a while of hanging out, it was around eight months into the labelless relationship and his mom was asking about who he posted on his Instagram. You went with him back home and met everyone, one night the entire family went out for dinner. His mom had taken out her phone and asked you two to pose, Bucky wrapped his arm around your shoulders, you leaned into his hold and placed a hand on his chest for support. When the countdown hit one Bucky leaned over and kissed your cheek, leaving the photo to capture your surprised face. He had kept that as his lock screen forever, even now after two and half years. 
Both drinks were ready, you walked off of campus and to the apartment buildings that you both lived in. you didn’t live together but you both lived in the same building but on different floors, it was really nice to be able to walk up a few staircases to give him a goodnight kiss. Speaking of stairs, when you reached level eight- the elevator was broken -you were basically sweating. 
With your foot you kicked the door, Bucky opened it with a smile on his face. He could tell you were out of breath from walking up all those stairs but chose not to comment on it, he just giggled to himself and let you walk all the way in. 
“Hey, Baby,” he hugged you once the coffees were put down, “thanks for the coffee.” 
“It was your money,” you laughed in his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around you. 
“Whatever,” he whispered. After taking a few sips he followed you into his room, Sam and Steve were both at class but they’d be back in time to hit the club. “Do you need to study?” He asked over his shoulder as he fell back onto his bed, you nodded and assumed a spot as his desk. 
Early on in your relationship you had been open about your small issue with being too attached to your grades, Bucky thought nothing of it until exam season rolled around and you were up very late studying every day. You had lied once and said you were heading home, Bucky trusted his gut and went to the library to find you curled up in a blanket, looking like you were going to stay there for a long time. 
Even when you two would hang out between classes you’d still get your studying in somehow, Bucky had to learn to accept it or else you wouldn’t be present because you’d be thinking of everything you were missing out on. 
When everything you needed to get done was done you crawled onto his navy sheets and curled on his chest, Bucky wrapped his arms around you and held you close. He had noticed you had been down the past few days, there were assignments getting in the way of your relationship and you tried your best to balance but it was hard, all you ever knew was focus on your school and nothing else. 
“I think tonight is going to be good for you,” Bucky whispered as he planted a kiss on your head, “seeing your friends, getting a few drinks in you, being outside of your dorm and all that,” Bucky rubbed your back, “the guys miss you, Nat misses you a lot.”
“I know,” you sighed. 
“And that’s not to make you feel guilty,” he reached over and drank his coffee, “it’s to remind you that you’ve got people in your corner who love you and care about you more than your grades, alright?” 
“Alright,” you looked up at him and kissed his jaw line, his lips were too far away. 
Getting ready together was alway something you looked forward to, you would hog the bathroom while you did your makeup and Bucky would have to lean over you to add the product to his hair. The music would be playing from the speaker and the both of you would dance around one another. 
Your dress was black, one you had worn before. You had added a bit of volume to your hair and did a little more than your normal makeup routine. Bucky was sitting on the couch, scrolling on his phone while you did the final touches. You sprayed your setting spray that you were convinced was just water and tapped a little more lip gloss on your lips. 
“I’m ready!” you sang, walked out into the main room. You thought Bucky was just going to be there but Sam and Steve were there as well, pregaming. “Oh,” you laughed, “I didn’t hear you guys come in.” 
“We’re spies,” Natasha came from behind you and hugged you, making you turn around and hug her properly. With a smile you squeezed her tightly, you hadn’t seen her in a while and it was so nice to hug her.
“The uber is going to be here in five,” Sam said as he poured another shot, “want one?” he tipped the top of the bottle towards you. 
“Sure,” you nodded, looking over to see Bucky walk over. 
Alcohol was always weird for you, it’s not that you were a complete lightweight but compared to Bucky you were. Weed on the other hand sat better with your system but you couldn’t smoke in the club, you were also out of gummies. If you were at a house party that was way more casual you’d break out a joint or find someone with a bowl you could use, but clubs were much different. 
Natasha set up her camera, it was a tradition to record the first group shot. You stood beside Bucky as his hand reached around to hold your waist, immediately feeling warm. Everyone counted down and took back the shot, it burned for a second before swallowing. You never understood why people try to keep from making a face, everyone knew vodka tasted awful and you let it show. 
Everyone laughed and you hid your face in Bucky’s chest, trying not to completely embarrass yourself in front of Natasha’s story due to your pure disgust towards the taste. Bucky laughed and rubbed your back, “how’re you feeling?” he giggled in your ear and laughed as you looked up at him, “the first one is the hardest.” 
“I know,” you sighed, “I just want my drink and not shots.”
“It’s a shots night, baby!” Natasha cheered and headed to the door, the car was here. 
The drive was quick, you could walk but it was too cold for the dresses you and Natasha were wearing. You had been to this club before many times, it’s not like you had never been to a single party before but for every three times Bucky goes out, you go out once. You definitely were a homebody. 
You could hear the club before you were inside, the base making the neon lights flicker from how old they were. You were there at the perfect time, allowing you to get in free. Once you had squeezed through the door you quickly turned around and grabbed Bucky’s hand, holding it tightly as you moved through the dancefloor to try and find a spot to hunker down for the night. 
It was loud and people were already sweating alcohol, there was no care that there was a group trying to squeeze through, people were throwing their arms around and trying to make a mosh pit which was something you would never take part in - no matter how drunk you were. 
Once you found an area you all squished in the booth, Steve didn’t sit down and took everyone’s drink order. You needed to get tipsy before getting on the floor and that shot was starting to buzz, you were sitting on Bucky’s thigh as you looked around to see everyone dancing. 
Sam went out and found his date, you hadn’t seen her before but then again, most of Sam’s dates are like single use plastic to him. She was tall with extremely tanned skin, when she waved you knew right away it was fake tan, she hadn’t rubbed it in properly on her hands. 
Wanting to tell Bucky you looked over your shoulder to find him already looking at you, letting his chin rest on your shoulder blade. He smiled at you and kissed your cheek, “I’m serious if you get too overwhelmed, you have to tell me.” 
You looked around to see no one was paying attention to you two, “I know but I don’t want to be babied, I don’t want you asking every five seconds or I'll just get annoyed, okay?” Bucky nodded quickly, silently saying duh. “You know my tell-tale signs.” 
“I do,” he kissed your cheek again, “and I’ll only get overprotective if I see a guy look below your waist or if you squeeze my hand three times.” He nodded with you before turning back to Steve and taking his drink, you took yours as well and began to drink right away. 
“So, Sammy,” you cleared your throat, “how many times have you taken in the fact that you two share the same name?” you asked the girl who sat beside Sam. 
“My name is actually Samantha,” she laughed, “but I’ve definitely thought about it.” Everyone laughed, “no one really calls me that, only Sammy.” 
“I’ll make sure to call you that then,” you smiled and held out your drink, clinking the plastic with hers. 
Everyone took their turn going to get drinks before you all migrated to the dance floor, dancing around and singing to the popular songs. The great thing about going out with everyone was how they got along on the dance floor, there was no shoving or grabbing, just making eye contact with someone and doing the same stupid dance move until you both doubled over in laughter. 
You, Natasha, and Sammy created your own group and found your way to the bar, drunkenly ordering and doing shots to Nat’s request. She recorded some but kept ordering them, Sammy had no issue throwing them back. They laughed when you pucker your lips to try and fight the burn, the chaser did nothing at all. 
“Let’s head back!” Natasha yelled over the music, you had felt pretty good up until then. The moment you pushed off the bar and began to walk the shots hit you like a wave, you stumbled for a moment and grabbed Natasha’s elbow and followed her back. 
Through the sea of people you saw Bucky laughing with his friends, holding his beer and jumping around. The lights and the thin layer of sweat made him look amazing, his smile flashed as the strobe lights passed his face. You could feel his charm from across the floor, it was why you fell in love with him. The closer you got the harder you bit your lip, feeling your need to be near him grow stronger. 
Who knew what alcohol made you feel like this but from the way he was looking, you could pull him to a bathroom stall right now and get down on both knees without question, there was something about him in that particular moment that made you swoon. 
The boys were still dancing, you quickly found Bucky and took hold of both his wrists. His eyes searched your face but before he could ask if you were okay you leaned up and kissed him. When you pulled away you kept his bottom lip wedged between your teeth, he jolted back with an ‘ow’ and reached up to touch his lip, a bit of blood was on his finger. 
You giggled and wrapped yourself around his neck, tucking your face in his sweet spot and licking a stripe before starting to suck, his large hands gripped your waist before pushing you back slightly. 
“What did you drink up there?” he said with a smirk, you could tell he was loving this. 
“A fucking love potion I guess,” you said out of breath, “because I could literally mount you right now back at the booth and fuck your brains out,” you went back to his neck and left another start of a bruise 
When you pulled back Bucky was looking up at the ceiling, everyone else had no idea what was going on and just thought you were being clingy. His nostrils were flared as he tried to calm himself, you were giggling and fiddling with his shirt collar. 
“I should get drunk more often because I’m fucking loving it and I’m loving the moment right now,” you laughed and Bucky kissed your forehead.
“I’m glad you’re having a good time,” he laughed and pulled you in for a hug, “but you being this horny is going to be the death of me, you know I can’t control myself, baby,” he whispered in your ear, feeling his hot breath rush down your neck your grip his biceps harder, nails digging into his skin. 
Suddenly you were deep in the dance floor, jumping around and singing to the songs as loud as you could. Most of the time you and Bucky were in your own world, touching each other all the time as you danced. But other times a circle was formed and you all watched one another dance, holding hands and blending in with the other groups. The drinks were starting to wear off from all the physical activity so you all headed to the bar again, shooting back a few more shots even though deep down you wanted to sip a drink but that wasn’t practical for what you were doing on the floor. 
“One more!” They cheered towards the bartender. 
“One less for me!” you called out and he nodded, pouring everyone a shot except for you. 
“Come on, y/n!” Nat laughed, “it’s only one more, I wanted to take a video this time.” 
“Let me record it,” you held your hand out but quickly finding Bucky’s forearm for balance, the sudden movements after the shots made you realize just how many you actually had, again. In another world you could take another, but right now you were fully at your limit and honestly a little above it. 
“No!” Sammy chimed in now, “one last group shot.” 
“No guys,” you shook your head and immediately placed your other hand on Bucky’s forearm, your heels were not helping with your lack of balance. They attempted to cheer you until you squeezed Bucky’s hand three times. 
“She said no, alright?” it was almost like he hadn’t drank all night, but he definitely did. “So she’ll record and we all drink,” he looked down at you and kissed your forehead for what seemed like the millionth time tonight. 
You held the phone out as they all shot one back, after swallowing first Bucky reached out and took the phone, flipping it around so you could wave as well. With the amount of drinks flowing in everyone’s system they all forgot about what just happened and headed back in, Bucky waited for a moment before turning to you. 
His eyes were hooded and it was cute to see him fight towards sobriety in case you needed him, “can I ask if you’re okay?” he smiled and leaded forward and wrapped his arms around your waist. 
“I’m okay, thank you for that,” you kissed his cheek and took his hand as he helped you walk back towards the group. 
Midnight had come and gone but the party kept moving, it seemed to only get more packed as the time went on. You had drank some water a while ago and was in a perfect spot while everyone else got more and more drunk. Bucky was the second to switch to water, he was gone but had enough in him to string a sentence together. 
“I could not operate a motorized vehicle right now,” Sam said to you at one point, completely unprompted. You laughed and nodded along, looking at Bucky as he laughed too. 
The songs got progressively more sexual as well, there was nothing better than looking at the girls when a song came on and you all screamed, feeling extremely confident as you screamed the words in front of the boys who were dumbfounded. 
One came on where you immediately looked at Bucky and finger wagged him closer, feeling how you felt at the beginning of the night when the lights looked so perfect on him. The attraction was coming back and it didn’t help that this was your favourite club song. He knew what was coming as he came closer to you, roughly grabbing at your hips and feeling around. Everyone else screamed, never seeing this side of you that often. 
Bucky flipped you around so you were facing the group, letting his hands wander to your front and rest low on your stomach. Your head leaned back against his shoulder and one hand moved up to touch his neck, your ass was pressed against his hips. His face showed no signs of embarrassment for being hard. 
You sang the song to his ear, looking up at him. Natasha started recording but Bucky quickly swatted the phone away, not wanting it to be recorded for your sake but also because he wanted to be in the moment. 
When it ended you kissed him and bit his bottom lip again, hearing him groan as he squeezed your ass again because you turned around to kiss him properly. Again, due to the alcohol the group forgot it happened quickly as they moved on to the next thing that caught their attention. 
Bucky leaned down to your ear again, “baby,” he was close to a moan, “you’re so fuck sexy, like, you have no idea what you do to me- drinks or not.” the two of you made out for a while, not caring who was looking at you both. Your hands tugged at his hair and his hands went almost everywhere, if you weren’t tired when you got home you knew you were getting a great night of sex. 
Soon enough the lights flicked on and the music died down, you all managed to get out of the club but had to walk home. Bucky had two water bottles in his hand as he caught up to you all later, claiming it was all they had left. 
Everyone was in the same boat, extremely drunk and walking home. Your hand was held tightly with Bucky’s, “you know…” you giggled and looked up at him, “my apartment is closer, you don’t need to climb all those flights of stairs. 
“Sounds good to me,” he was thinking you were just inviting him over, actually thinking the only reason you wanted him over was because it was three staircases closer. 
“And…” you took a long sip of water, “my roommate is out of town so…we can be loud, y’know?” 
His pupils expanded faster than ever before, “oh?” he muttered and rubbed his nose against your ear, “you know, you’ve been a big tease all night, I don’t know if you’re all bark and no bite.” 
You shifted and walked backwards, “from what I remember I bit you a lot,” your bottom lip was wedged between your teeth, knowing you were just riling him up. 
The moment you turned into your apartment complex Bucky turned to the group, “I’m going to y/n’s apartment,” he announced and the group began to laugh, “just let me know if you can hear us from three levels up.” 
“Bucky!” you slapped his chest but before you could say anything Bucky turned out of the stairwell and onto your floor, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. “You need my keys,” you laughed as he fished them out of his pocket because you didn’t want to bring a purse. 
When your back hit the mattress he was quick to crawl over you, putting all his weight on you as he slotted himself between your legs, making your dress ride up. His lips were quick to move away from your lips and down to your neck, sucking a biting all around. You two had been together long enough to know where each other’s spots were and what you both liked, Bucky could always get you going right above your collarbone and used it to his advantage. 
Your back arched as he lifted the dress up and over your head, going back in between your breasts and shaking his head around, making you laugh and play with his air. Your bra was off next and Bucky was still fully dressed, the stark difference in modesty made you want to cover up but Bucky’s hand pinning your wrists back with force couldn’t let you do that. 
Bucky kissed all the way down before hooking his fingers and pulling down your underwear, kissing back up your knees and thighs to keep you waiting. When it came to Bucky eating you out it was all about teasing, he knew how to make cum in ten seconds if he hit the spots you liked, but he wanted to make a game out of it; he always did. 
He kissed, licked, sucked, bit, everything, he did everything to your pussy. Your hands would move from playing with your nipples to add extra stimulation to gripping his hair, your entire body was restless until his arms hooked around your hips and his hands clasped on your stomach to keep you from moving. 
Even after many years, “a little to your left,” you were still helping each other out, “holy fuck, yes Bucky,” you sighed, “right there, fuck, right there please don’t stop, please,” you begged and begged even when he slowed down and pulled away for a moment, causing you to groaned and looked down at him. 
When you were done whining he went back in, “you like when I tease you?” 
“I never have,” you laughed as he bumped his nose against your clit.
“I know,” he giggled and went back in, lapping his tongue against your clit and then wrapping his lips around to suck gently, your moans became louder and more frequent so he backed off again. You were so frustrated you tugged his hair hard, “ow!” he laughed as he looked up at you, “that actually hurt.” 
“Please, Bucky, please,” you gripped your breasts harshly, “I’m fucking beginning you, I feel so good right now, baby, so fucking good, just make me come,” you looked down to see a smirk on his face, “you have no- oh yes!” you dropped your head back against the pillow and closed your eyes, your mouth falling open instantly. 
Bucky got into it as well, making out with your pussy and moaning to himself. He got pleasure out of getting you there, especially when you begged for it. 
“There you go, pretty, fall apart,” he kept you so close for so long, “I know you want to let it out, you deserve it,” his voice sent vibrations up your spine and to your head which make it fuzzy, “pretty girl just needs to be worshiped, huh?” his hands broke out from the clasp and two fingers found your entrance so he could talk, “who’s my pretty girl?” 
“Me,” you said in a heartbeat.
“Yeah you are,” he pushed in and out, making you grip his finger as tight as possible, “who’s my smart girl?” 
“Me,” it was more strained, you were so close but he was holding back just enough to keep you right on the tipping point. 
“Who deserves the world, huh?” he sucked your inner thigh to leave a mark he’d definitely looked back at later. “Don’t quit on me know, pretty, who deserved everything, my smart girl, my pretty girl?” 
“B-Bucky-!” you wanted to tell him you were so unbelievably close, your pussy gripping him as tight as possible, you could barely form a sentence let alone answer his question. 
“No no no,” he laughed and gently placed one kiss on your clit, making you convulse as his finger kept working you there, “it’s not me, baby, who is it?” 
The pressure was almost unbelievable, tears formed in your eyes from how long you had been edged and denied. You could feel the pulse begin and your stomach clench, the coil was about to snap. “M-me, holy fuck, yes!” you screamed. 
“And who deserves to come?” he asked but before you could answer his lips attached to your clit for the final time and made you see white, you let out the most pornographic moan you had ever heard, it almost didn’t sound like you. You could barely hear it from how loud you were screaming Bucky’s name but you heard him groan as you came, making your orgasm that much more intense. 
Bucky kept going to bring you down from your high, he slowed down as your entire body convulsed. Your moans were short as you tried to push his head away but at the same time you wanted to stay in your euphoric state forever. His kisses slowed until he planned the final one before gently working his way up your body and back to your lips, your eyes were closed and tears from overstimulation fell back to your pillow. 
Bucky gently held you tight as you continued to let out the shocks, wrapping your arms around him as he whispered more praises into your ear. 
“Bucky,” you sighed, “I need a bit before we keep going,” you wiped your forehead with the back of your wrist, “I can’t feel my legs.” 
“All good baby,” he kissed your cheek, “we don’t need to do anymore,” he laughed, “you made me cum,” he whispered and kissed your earlobe. 
“What?” you whispered, you couldn’t tell if he was still hard because he was still fully clothed; his socks were still on. 
“I told you getting you off gets me off, baby,” he was out of breath, “that was crazy, you- wow,” he sighed and kissed you again, you could taste yourself on his lips but that didn’t stop you from slipping your tongue into his mouth. 
“I didn’t know I had that power,” you tugged on the bottom of his shirt so he could get undressed, once he was down to his boxers he quickly left to get a rag. 
“The power you have over me…” Bucky shook his head to himself as he smiled, gently wiping between your legs and your tights, “...you have no fucking idea,” he looked over at you with a wide smile. 
You were blissed out, both arms thrown over your head and your eyes were closed. The alcohol, fresh orgasm, and the love from Bucky made you feel like the only girl in the world. You were so content in the moment you didn’t want to leave it. 
Once Bucky got in bed he pulled you close, tangling every limb with you and letting you rest your head on his chest. He played with your hair for a while, twisting one strand around his finger as you listened to his heart beat. 
“Did you have a fun night?” He asked gently, checking to see if you were awake. 
All you could do was nod and let out a happy sound, “I hate shots.” 
Bucky tried to conceal his laugh to keep you on the road to sleep, holding you tighter, “you’re adorable,” he whispered, “but I’m glad you had a good night, I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” 
You hummed and curled further into him, letting the warmth swiftly put you to sleep. You could still feel him rub your back or play with your hair, sending tingles down your entire body. The hangover in the morning was going to be one hell of a headache but in this moment you were happy right where you were. 
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