#and it's because my fight and flight response is set to fight and I can't disengage

[crazylittlejester]

Uh, here! Have a little story!

~~~~~

"This would be easier if you'd sit still."

Wild curled his fingers into the fallen log he was sitting on as the Captain once again brought the saltwater-soaked rag up to his reddened ear. A pair of brand-new earrings with bloodied posts sat on the bark next to him. "I'm trying," he said, wincing and pulling back again. In lieu of a fight-or-flight response, he shifted in his seat and occupied himself by readjusting his hair band. "Why's it have to burn so much, though?"

Wars sighed and set his rag back in the bucket. He gave Wild's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Because it's killing the infection. Let's see how we're looking now." He shifted his hand to the back of Wild's head, who in turn leaned forward. With his other hand, Wars pressed gently against the back of the miniscule hole in Wild's ear. He winced sympathetically when more blood and puss oozed out. He fished the rag out of the bucket and resumed his work.

Wild didn't even know Legend was around until he climbed over the log and sat down, his back leaning against it. Legend looked over at the sparkling (albeit gross) earrings, then up at Wild's feverish ears, and folded his arms. "This is why we don't have nice things," he huffed.

Wild shrugged. "What did you expect me to do with them?" he asked, gritting his teeth as Wars soaked more of the disinfectant down into the wound.

"Sorry," Wars muttered, not looking away from the infected piercing as he dipped his rag into the bucket again.

"I guess I just expected you to, I don't know, switch them around like anyone else would???" Legend sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I certainly didn't expect you to just jab them through your cartilage. Go figure."

"Well, I thought that they would all look nice together!" Wild had pulled his hair over the front of his shoulder, weaving small braids into the tips. "And how else are you supposed to pierce your ears?"

Wars paused, looking Wild dead in the eyes. He spoke with crisp (almost sharp) enunciation. "You're supposed to make sure everything's clean. And that you keep it that way." Wild gulped and nodded, and Wars resumed.

Legend chuckled and leaned back, arms draped over the log behind him. "I guess we should just be relieved that you failed to convince Sailor to let you pierce his ears! I doubt he'll ever go for it now, though."

"I think you'd be surprised," Warriors added off-handedly, still fixated on the task at hand.

"But I mean, still, didn't you have to keep your original piercings clean?" Legend asked, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. "Or did you just let them fester so long they stabbed over in self-preservation?"

"I dunno." Wild shrugged, now braiding the smaller braids together. "I've had earrings for as long as I can remember." Legend nodded, rubbing the back of his neck.

"There. I think that's all of it, at least for now." Wars dipped his rag in the salt water one last time, now wiping down the earring posts. "Will you want help getting these back in?"

"I've got it, thanks though." Wild slid them back into his ears, wincing only slightly. "Seriously though, thank you."

"Oh, don't thank me yet," Wars said, as he began gathering all his things. "We'll have to do this several more times, I'm sure." He tried to put on a sympathetic smile, as Wild visibly drooped.

"Well, you won't be receiving any more earrings, that's for sure." Legend stood up and stretched, pretending to ignore Wild's dramatic and betrayed gasp.

"Surely you jest? Surely I've learned my lesson??" Wild clasped his hands pleadingly, batting his eyelashes and pouting.

"Nope, don't wanna hear it," Legend said, turning and walking back to camp. "You can't be trusted. From now on, you're only getting earcuffs, and those little clasp-ons they make for small children."

Legend let out a yelp of laughter as Wild came up and shoved him from behind, and tried to retaliate before they both took off running and laughing; shouting biteless threats and accusations all the while. Wars shook his head and smiled, following behind them.

~~~~~

So, uh, all this to say: keep yapping! Regardless of how involved I am with LU (my hyperfixations have been varying WILDLY lately), your posts always brighten my feed! Thank you!

THANK YOU FOR THE LITTLE STORY I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! This would absolutely happen to poor Wild

also im glad you like my yapping, i will continue to do so

[hussyknee]

TW: 200th rant about the stupid "HP fans are all complicit in antisemitism and transphobia" discourse, brought to you by my OCD-induced suicidality.

I've by now become so wary of trans people and enbies on social media, especially Jewish ones. I'm like "this person is GOING to be on their Harry Potter bullshit and trigger the hell out of my OCD" and my hackles go up automatically. Then my OCD goes "haha you hate them because they're Jewish and/or trans, you're an antisemitic transphobe so they're clearly right about people who defend HP! SUFFER bitch!" Cue hell loop until my brain is flayed over anything nobody actually even said or did.

I don't even LIKE HP that much anymore, why is wanting to stop having PTSD episodes about stupid shit the thing that also dropkicks me down seven circles of hell??? It's made all the so-called "leftist" enclaves of the internet a minefield. Why are people with OCD everyone's favourite collateral when it comes to stuff shitty rich assholes do? Is it so fucking hard to stop making up thought crimes to attack people over??

It's an extra layer of horrible when the same people have no problems applying "no ethical consumption under capitalism" to stuff like Coca Cola and Nestlé products. Y'all can't possibly live without child slavery chocolate or making brown people drink Nestlé's toxic filth or anything that's subjecting Indigenous communities and people in entire Global South continents to long, lingering, horrible deaths, but this one franchise whose author royalties are funding the UK transphobic lobby is the one line that matters. Fuck all the trans people in those places I guess. Every single Global North consumer moral policing is western leftists's dehumanization of our people writ large. Fuck all of you.

[trans-cuchulainn]

i hate how my current State Of Brain means when people around me are struggling i am a) not able to help them effectively and b) likely to get worse by being around them because i am stressed out by it, because then that makes me feel like i am making their problems about me. of course i also do not want them to be suffering for their own sake. but at the present time all i can think about is how i don't want them to be suffering for my sake because i am not stable enough to be around them if my presence isn't actively helping, and that's bad for everyone involved tbh

[ranticore]

I wanted to keep drawing some pern dragon stuff because I'm now writing a full AU set in weyr but I didn't want to put this stuff on my main blog or patreon due to it being basically for my own reference, though i felt others would like it too! so here is My Take On Dragon Wings By Type...

It's no secret I love drawing bird wings and prefer them a lot over traditional dragon wings. Growing up, I read the pern books featuring cover art of dragonfly-like wings with lots of little translucent panels, which I always loved. So I thought I'd try to nail down some wing shapes & structures by blending those two things i like together. I am aware dragons fly by telekinesis but I prefer a more realistic type of creature design so I will be choosing to ignore that fact. I do not care about strict canon compliance but I do like to keep some of that framework there as well, for fun.

The wing is made up of three main sails, as well as a propatagium sail (in front of the elbow). They are relatively polymorphic and can expand or contract to an extent to change the shape of the wing in response to flight demands, like the wing of an airliner. The trailing edge can expand and the slots between the spars of the 1st wingsail can deepen or become shallower (where those are a feature). The main structural matrix is opaque, while the membranous 'sails' are translucent and let light through like stained glass. These are a bilayer of membrane with air sandwiched between, which forms part of the air sac & respiratory system.

It makes sense for the original engineers of dragons to diversify dragon wing types by colour so that when fighting Thread, there's a dragon for every conceivable aerial job.

[individual descriptions under the cut]

Queens have the longest wings, though the largest bronzes can rival them for surface area. Gold wings are high endurance - a queen can fly further than any other dragon in active level flight, leaving even the swiftest bronzes behind if they can't muster up the energy reserves to catch her. She is an effective flier at all elevations and can pass very low over terrain without issue as well; she is an expert at taking advantage of the ground effect, where extra lift is generated within one half of a wingspan above land. This way, she can pass low below the main wings fighting Thread to catch any stragglers without expending too much energy. However, she is not very agile and may need a bit of a run-up or cliff-edge to get airborne.

Bronzes are suited for command positions during Threadfall, rising highest and maintaining that altitude effortlessly by soaring on thermals. From this vantage point they can easily survey the wings of riders below and make tactical decisions to direct the tide of battle. They have the size and stamina to chase queens, but might find it difficult to keep up on the flat, so they continually select for fitter hatchlings as only the best manage to mate. It takes a very clever and agile bronze to catch a green, if they are so inclined.

Browns are swift, highly agile, and the fastest vertical fliers, ideal for diving through the Thread mass from top to bottom while the other types pass horizontally. During earlier Passes, browns were capable of using their speed to catch queens, but as queen & bronze endurance gradually increased, browns struggle to keep up if they haven't managed to immediately catch their mate in the starting scrum, which is unlikely due to the bulkier bronze dragons being able to shove the browns aside.

Blues are fast on the flat and nicely manoeuvrable, with enough endurance to last a full Threadfall. Good all-rounders with a characteristic vertical take-off, they work best in the horizontal plane in battle but really they can do a little bit of everything. They often beat browns to catch greens, being very precise in flight and almost as manoeuvrable as their green mates.

Greens make up for their low stamina with their extreme manoeuvrability. Their short and elliptical wings let them turn on a dime, hover, and even fly backwards if they are sufficiently skilled. They have the fastest wingbeats, flying with a distinct thrumming sound. Of all the types they are least likely to be hit by a stray Thread, but they tire easily on the flat and have no soaring ability at all, often tapping out midway through battle in favour of replacements. In battle, greens excel at catching odd and skewed clumps of Thread that don't fall as predicted, or ones that are missed by the other riders. Green mating flights are a whole different beast to gold mating flights, where extreme aerial acrobatics are favoured instead of endurance and altitude, and these flights may be over within seconds. You need to be able to withstand a Lot of G-force to be a green rider.

[dduane]

An anonymized non-anon query

(A note: my ask box isn’t open to anons at the moment, because I started getting inappropriate messages that I didn’t care to see. Maybe I'll eventually go anon-open again. But the present situation isn’t going to stop me from answering asks where the person’s uneasy about having their username revealed. Like this one:)

[text:

Can't go on anon so this is a little mortifying to be Seen™ but;

Do you have any words for fandom girls who are no longer in their 20s and starting to construct people in their heads who shame them for "still being into this stuff"?]

First thing; funny how it's always fandom girls who come up against this, isn't it? If it was some 90-year-old fandom boy in question who'd been painting his face red and white and following Manchester United since he was nine, no one would turn a hair. In fact, everybody in that cohort of interest would be praising him for his commitment and loyalty. It's almost as if some people have bought into the idea that the rules are different for girls somehow! Something to do with the idea that where girls belong is home making everybody a sandwich. I wonder where that might have come from...

Anyway. What you're describing here is something a lot of us have run into: the pressure to (allow me briefly to stand the well-known trope on its head) Be Like All The Other Girls... and to be prepared (and indeed resigned) for that inevitably to happen IRL. This stuff starts sneaking into your head in a very innocuous way: by disguising itself as "being prepared" for what you're afraid might happen. And it's very hard to avoid having that concern slowly but surely turn into a dread of what's going to happen. (For there's a horrible seductiveness about self-fullfilling prophecy... even if you know you've built it yourself. Part of your mind, that frightened advanced-fight-or-flight part that's always trying to keep you safe by predicting all the possible futures, starts feeling satisfied with itself when it finally has the evidence to say, "Well, at least we were prepared for that!")

So it's best to be proactive about managing this, I think, before things start to get bothersome. Develop a quick switchblade-style defense that you can pull out of your brain's back pocket at short notice. And then, when you're used to using it on those rogue ideations, disarm the sneaky "attacker" more thoroughly by taking it apart, gradually, at the more straightforwardly analytical end.

Let's start with the switchblade: a good-old fashioned mantra. How about this:

"Nobody gets to gatekeep my joy."

This can be used as a silent affirmation any time you feel the need. Any time you start feeling that pressure—that annoying whisper from the conjectural voices in your head that want you to think about how maybe you are too old for this kind of thing—pull out the mantra and shiv them in the gut with it, three times. (Threes are always good for this. Think how many spells have to be done, or names spoken, in threes. The rhythm's an archetype all its own.)

What you'll notice, with repetition of this intervention over time, is that the incidence of this kind of thinking gradually gets rarer and rarer. It might take a while to go away completely... but you'll know what to do if it rears its head again.

But also: this response can when necessary be repeated right out loud in front of whatever sorry piece of breathing meat has the unutterable bald-faced gall to actually try to gatekeep you to your (digital or otherwise) face. Pull it out, set your features in an expression of amused calm (because what you do to your face makes differences in your brain), and hit 'em with it. And if they continue to try to argue the point with you, you get to just keep repeating your base-state mantra until they give up and go away.*

...Now, since good mantras normally run deeper than the mere words, it makes sense to inquire into an underlying issue:

Why do people do this to other people? (And I don't mean this as a rhetorical question with optional eyeroll: I mean it as a possible diagnostic.) There has to be a reason people pull this shit... as mandated by the favorite (different) mantra of psychiatric professionals everywhere: "All behavior is motivated."

One aspect of this to consider: the "you're too old to be into this stuff" response is usually a learned behavior. People for whom the perception of "insufficient" age or maturity is an issue have routinely picked it up from others. There are a number of reasons why they parrot it... the likeliest being that simply want to be seen saying the thing that lots of other people they know also say; so that by so doing, they can be seen as Smart. (This is of course just another a manifestation of our old generally-maladaptive friend, the so-called herd instinct.) And nine-tenths of those other people, I can guarantee you, got it in turn from others still. "They're too old for this" is rarely going to be a spontaneous insight. (Except when used pertinent to certain contact sports, and some types of opera.)

Yet why does the trope perpetuate itself so enthusiastically?

Leaving aside personal living-arrangement issues in individual cases, I think it's because in some people, underneath the expressed trope, there's a genuine fear... an insidious variation of the well-known impostor syndrome. And it's this:

They're afraid that whatever it is they've got at the moment, it's may well be the wrong kind of "this stuff"... not a real joy. (Some people will take this to mean, "The kind of stuff, or joy, other people will approve of." Cf. the "seeming Smart" thing.) And, as they get older, they may be becoming afraid they may never have it.

Now, people naturally try to protect themselves from experiencing their own fears whenever possible. This one's no different. So one way such folks find to distract themselves from the fear of having no joy is to devalue such joy in others. That way, whatever they see themselves as having their noses spitefully "rubbed in" can be perceived as no longer a real threat to them. They can start seeing it as a bad joy, a weak or silly or stupid joy. And (in this case specifically) an immature joy.

(With this in mind, the passage in which C.S. Lewis deals with this toxic fetishization of "maturity" is worth quoting in full, since we so frequently see only the last couple/few lines:)

“Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”

...And you hear there the voice of a man who'd dealt with a whole lot of critics in his time on this subject—some of them quite famous and elevated types, trying to discredit him for what we'd now think of as "clicks"—and had routinely made them ever so sorry they'd engaged. Also, Lewis was an enthusiastic reader of "the pulps" until his dying day, and you should have seen some of his responses to those who tried to tell him that "at his age, he should be over that science fiction stuff by now." I'd have to go digging for the cites, but... hooboy.

Anyway, and as a closer:

You're not required to—at someone else's mere behest—even think about changing your way of thinking and living in the (probably hopeless) hopes of pleasing or placating other people you've never met. And most specifically:

You are in no wise required by the Universe to curtail your personal experience of joy in order to try to make scared and small-souled people more comfortable.Your soul gets to be its own size, and have its own joy... in its very own shape, volume, and richness.

So if anyone pulls the "You're too old for [x]" crap on you, I encourage you to just let that attitude sail on by you and fuck straight out into the Oort Cloud and beyond. Let passing alien spacecraft on their way in-system gaze at it in wonder and say, "Wow, look at that go! Didn't think they had warp drive here yet."

...Anyway: let me know how you get on.

HTH!

*This is a basic assertiveness-training technique that I feel is much undervalued in daily usage. Every time someone comes up with a new reason you should stop doing what they don't like, and expects you to respond to that... what makes them think you're required to come up with a new and different reason not to? Who made that concept up? And why waste useful originality on someone arguing with you in the kind of bad faith that refuses to accept your answers? Just keep repeating yourself with the main reason until they give up (probably in great exasperation: too bad...) and bugger off elsewhere. :) ...But see the useful 1970s work When I Say No, I Feel Guilty for effective DIY approaches to this problem.

[radiowon]

ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 OOPS!..?

—- in which Niki makes a huge mistake.

Syn: After reaching 18, Niki learns he's an alpha and is still getting used to the idea and Because he can't control his emotions, he accidentally marks you.

g: fluff | p: Alpha Niki x omega fem! Reader | w: 1.8k | warn: cursing | Niki is clumsy and reader is in a Constant state of anger and panic 80% of the time | like 50% proof read soz

“Why are you looking at me like I’m a peice of stinking shit”

You eye the male in front of you intensely searching for any indication of an answer as he furrows his eyebrows face twisting in distaste.

“Hello?.. Earth to Niki I’m talking to you!” The raise in voice snaps Niki out of his trance he clears his throat awkwardly “your scent.. i don’t like it” you frown taking some offence to his statement “you sayinf I stink 24/7? Ouch could have just said you hate my guts and called it a day” Niki waves his hands franticly feeling immediate regret at his choice of words.

“No no.. not like that you normally smell fine but now you smell really weird and it bothers me” you sigh as you pinch a bit of your sleeve taking a wiff “I smell fine to m-“where did you go who where you with” you fold your arms clicking your tounge a few times “what are you? My father” you laugh a little covering your mouth “Heeseung needed some help setting up his science presentation for next period I was helping him why do you ask?” Unknown to your ears Niki growls subconsciously as he steps closer to you grasping your shoulders tightly.

“Come with me” before you had a chance to protest Niki takes advantage of his height and strength manhandling you as he drags you to a secluded area behind the school. When you finally arrive, you have to gather all your might to escape his hold while massaging your shoulder from the searing pain caused by his nails. “Care to explain why you just dragged me here with out my consent!? Gooooosh The least you could do is handle me with care.. I’m not an alpha like you” You part your lips to speak again, but as soon as you meet his gaze, you quickly close them again.

His eyes seemed dark, as they usually had, yet something about them in this particular moment made you feel nervous and caused your stomach to grow uneasy.

“Uh..Niki? W-“I c..can’t take this any longer!”He trapped you against the cold, hard brick wall in a matter of seconds, and the impact scratched your back. He growled loudly, causing you to become anxious as soon as his nose reached the hollows of your neck and travelled all the way to your collarbone. “W..woah Niki what are you doing! Stop it!” You try your best to push him off but his grip on your waist prevented you making any moves to leave.

You were afraid because you had no idea what he was doing to you or what was going on. If you had paid more attention in history class, you may have learned more about alphas and been able to comprehend the current situation. you mentally cursed yourself. Despite this, you persisted and tried to get free by even kicking him, but he didn't even move an inch. It seemed as though he was immune to pain

Before long, the only sensation you experienced was a stinging agony as Niki's fangs briefly touched your neck. The surge that sets off your fight-or-flight response, making you push him right away. You cringe at the ache that suddenly envelops you as you clutch your neck to where he bit you in shock. You slowly glance up at Niki in horror, his expression exactly matching yours.

After staring at one another in silence reality hits you like a truck.

“Don’t tell me you did what I think you did..”Niki raises his hands to his face, hiding behind them as he continuously shakes his head. You approach him, yanking his hands away and firmly grabbing his tie to bring him down to your level. He gulps lips trembling “I’m s..sorry I didn’t realise I was..” he stops closing his mouth immediately avoiding eye contact as he looks down to your shoes.

You tug at his tie causing him to choke out an “ow” looking into your eyes once more “you were what? Finish the sentence” he sighs closing his eyes before opening them again “your s..scent it was bothering me I couldn’t stand it so I wanted to clean it off you t..then I somehow…accidentallymayhavemarkedyou” you let go pulling away slightly

Even though he is the alpha, Niki stares at you anxiously, fearful of how you might respond. Your anger worried him a greatly.

You cover your face with your hands and soon find yourself laughing. Niki gives you a perplexed and shocked gaze. You turn to face him with a smile, and he hesitantly smiles back. “come here” He shakes his head, and you click your fingers to encourage him to come forward. When he does, you welcome him with a searing, stinging slap across the face that is guaranteed to leave a lasting mark. He clutches his hurt cheek.

“How can you be so careless! Do you have any idea what you have done the situation you have placed not me but yourself also!?” He looks down guilt evidence on his face. “Do you hate me Niki?” He shakes his head eyebrows raising“what! No!” You shake your head “clearly you do don’t you remember how strict my father is! What do you think he’s going to do when he sees his daughter as been marked I’m finshed!” You sigh loudly as you walk back to the wall sinking down to the floor.

“Um.. just hide it I don’t know! Then he won’t see it and you will be fine right?” You shoot him a glare causing him to close his mouth “oh yes! What a genius I’ll hide it behind all my hoodies and sweat gallons of buckets in the fucking summer” You wriggle away from him as he approaches you slowly, frowning like an idiot.

“No do me and yourself a favour and stay away who knows what you will do next” he frowns “I want to help you I want to make this right and your..attitude isn’t making this easy” Raising your brows, you support yourself so that you may stand up again. “oh really! My attitude? Yeah sorry should I be rejoicing that I’ve been marked without my consent by a clumsy dork like you? I’m sorry alpha should i be thanking you? For fucking what!” He growls lowly your anger radiating off onto him.

“I’m not clumsy or a dork I just made a mistake! I just want you to stop attacking me for it I know what I did and I’m sorry why do you always have to be such a bitch when things don’t go your way!”

Silence and the silence was loud

“Oh no.. I’ve made the alpha angry” you pout stepping closer to him “are you gonna bark at me? Rip me to shreds? Since I’m such a bitch I must deserve it right” you step closer poking his arm as you continue to taunt him. Niki huffs growling loudly “shut up stop it” you keep poking his arm Tuanting him further “Nu huh you marked me now this is what you will have to put up with for the rest of your life”He growls once more, covering more than half of your face with his large hands as he covers your mouth.

“Stop..talking” he sighs again “I think we are both very stressed right now and need to calm down especially you .. your emitting to much right now and I can’t take it so just chill and let’s fix this..please?” You sigh and nod slowly as he gently retraces his hand. Remorse is one of the feelings that washes over you.

He was correct. You really did need to cool down and give him the benefit of the doubt since, having only recently been confirmed as an alpha, he truly had no idea what he was doing. With a mumbled apology, you press your face into his chest and reach out to wrap your arms around his waist. His fury vanishes in an instant as he smiles and draws you closer to his hug while inhaling your scent.

“I’m sorry to for being careless then we wouldn’t be in this mess but I am and will make this right” you hum closing your eyes as you snuggle closer “ we can sort this out together niki”

.

.

.

It had been a week since then and whomp whomp you hadn’t sourted it out of anything your still stuck with his mark. But maybe you were thankful for it in a way as somehow the bond it installed helped you understand each other a bit more and drew you closer. This prevented some obnoxious alphas from bothering you—a mental note you wanted to thank Niki for afterwards.

“Maybe it’s not all that bad you know.. the marking sitch” he looks at you shocked at your words “really? I thought you hated it and wanted it gone by all means” you shake your head “well I did then but now I guess I’ve come to terms with the fact it may be like this forever” he hums “and I wouldn’t have it any other way..” Niki shrinks away from you, bewildered, as you approach him more slowly on the bench.

You move towards him in the same direction, and he moves away in response. This pattern continues until he is caught in the bench's corner. You look at him, irritated. “ way to go break a girls hurt you could have just said the feeling is not mutual ouch” Niki raises a brow confused “huh!? What I don’t understand what are you talking about” you sigh shaking your head “read between the lines! What do you think I meant by I wouldn’t have it any other way or when I moved closer to you!” He merely gives a blank stare in response, blinking a few times and cocking his head slightly to one side.

“I like you Niki that’s what I’m trying to get at but you’re just plain stupid” You move back, making space, and grumble, feeling a little downtrodden. To your disbelief, though, Niki grabbed the edge of your skirt and pulled you back in towards him. His shy smile graces his features as he turns to face you. “I’m sorry and I l..like you too” When you turn to face him in shock, he looks as far away as he can, masking his emotions, but the stark red colour of his ears gives you the additional confirmation you need.

You lean in giving him a kiss on the cheek. He turns to you slowly with a cheeky smile. “Does this mean your gonna mark me back now or..” he teases wriggling his eyebrows at the suggestion

“Woah there I didn’t say anything about that yet..”

—- a/n : first post ahhahahsbsbssjsjsj I literally saw this Niki pic on Pinterest and this idea was somehow brought from it. Anyways I hope u liked it 🫶

[cpunkhobie]

Hissing: tell me about ronin. NOW. Funfacts, day to day life, their relationship with their father, anything! I must know more..

I tried writing this before but it was incomprehensible so I’m rewriting it ok SO

Their relationship with splinter varies with each of them pretty wildly with the differences in their roles and where they primarily front like . Ough my god imma just ramble abt raph for a bit

So raph is basically constantly in the fight mode of the fight flight or freeze response. He was the first person to split and in his mind the reason he split is because Splinter Couldn’t protect them so they just had to protect themself. Because of this he holds a lot of resentment that he isn’t even aware of, because for the majority of his life his only purpose was to Protect The Body, only really fronting during training or fights. If there’s ever a fight and he’s not fronting he’s always co-con backseat driving giving tips and techniques and basically a lot of “BEHIND YOU,” and “TO YOUR RIGHT” but with a bit more colorful language and name-calling. He gets better at this I swear

And because his only purpose was to just, be the fighter, he was also the only one who would Never talk during training, period. Otherwise his brothers would have some light banter, leo would throw around a couple one-liners Splinter would follow suit, or chat during breaks and stuff at the least. But with Raph it was just quiet. Pre-system discovery, these days were splinters “favorite” because it was clear that Ronin was paying attention and focused with the lesson, and the less banter also helped the two of them get better in The Zone. This was not without detriment tho, as after these training days Ronin would be bedridden for sometimes days at a time due to the hours of pure endurance with little to no food or water. Splinter did take notice of this though, and the few times Raph would stop for water or- god forbid- food it was because Splinter forced him to.

Post-system discovery though, there was a week where Splinter refused to let Raph do any training at all to try and break him out of his shell a bit. How well that went is still undecided . He’s a very pissed off angry fellow that one.

Omfg this could so quickly turn into me just rambling abt raph but I'm not gonna he's such a little guy to me.

Ok so with Donnie it's a whole other story, because while Raph is the one whose the most emotionally closed off from splinter, probably because he's the most emotionally closed off one in general, Donnie is the one is the most confrontational with their dad. Confrontational isn't exactly the right word, but i can't think of anything better right now. Basically if Donnie and the rest of them Don't want to do something he's the last resort to be like "yeah fuck you." He gets the job done and works best when they're isn't an immediate threat. He prepares shit, if there's a technique or style or move set they're learning that they haven't done yet he's the first person to analyze it technically and figure it out, then he leaves the rest of it up to his brothers. He's mostly there to help with processing, which means that him and Raph don't often front together, since Raph is much more quick decisions with zero thought, but when they do Boy Howdy. Someone's getting fucked up

And I know I'm talkin a lot about training and fighting styles and yadda yadda but most of their days are just pretty chill. It's just chilling talking with their dad, reading books, looking for shit, scavenging. Especially after they found out abt being plural Splinter decided it was time to cool it down for a lil bit. Omfg I have so much more to say in terms of just general knowledge and fun facts and stuff my GOD. Anyways fun fact is that they were assigned non-binary at birth. Splinter saw this mutant turtle baby and thought "I don't know how to figure out this things sex" and so he didn't

@nerves-nebula hands 2u

[f1goat]

fwb x lando norris - part seven

In which you decide to become friends with benefits with Lando Norris, that can't be a bad idea right?

playlist x masterlist

part one part two part three part four part five part six

“It’s nice to meet you Max,” you say happily. 

“Likewise, finally meeting you,” Max tells you, he sends you a warm smile. You directly feel comfortable with him and Lando. You’re glad about your decision, it’s so much nicer to go back with Max and Lando instead of going with your colleagues. After yesterday night everyone will probably stare at you, they love the drama. Maybe James already told everyone about you and Lando last night. It’s not like there happened a lot, but still. Everyone will probably enjoy the stories and assume that there are many more.

Lando and Max are talking about the upcoming week. You’re sitting next to Lando. It’s not a long flight back. You slept well last night, but you fell asleep late. Meaning you could use some extra sleep. You lean against Lando for a bit, hoping he’s okay with your affection in front of Max. Lando responds quickly by putting his arm around you. 

“So you’re still working for Mercedes?” Max asks you after a bit.

“Yes, but after this season I’m quitting,” you tell Max. Lando looks surprised at you, he thought that was still a secret. “But I still need to tell my coworkers about that, I have only told Lando and Toto,” you say. 

“I won’t tell anyone,” Max says with a small smile, “What’s next for you next season?”

“I don’t know yet, but I do want to continue working in the formula one world I think. I would like it to do a bit more with branding and graphic design, instead of following a driver around until they did enough on camera,” you explain. 

“If you come work with Quadrant, it’s still kinda the formula one world,” Lando tells you. 

“He already tried to get me working for him, McLaren and Quadrant,” you joke towards Max. 

Max laughs, “Maybe you can come work for Red Bull? They are setting up a new department for better branding. Marketing and design wise, I believe. I can send you the number of Christian.”

“That sounds nice,” you reply.

“So Red Bull is nice, but everything I say is a ‘I’ll see’?” Lando asks you. His smile betrays that he’s joking with you.

“I want to work somewhere because of my qualities, not because of you Lan,” you tell the boy. 

Lando presses a soft kiss against your temple. He gets it. He would want exactly the same. 

“We should do something together some time, I think Kelly would also love to meet you,” Max suggests after a while of talking.

Lando tries thinking of a response. He knows you don’t want to be seen in public with him like this, let alone on a double date. He opens his mouth to tell Max that they will see about that, also not wanting to out the rules between the two of you in a situation like this, but you are already responding. 

“I would love that!” You exclaim happy. 

Lando looks surprised at you. Don’t you care about the rules that the two of you have? He knows for sure that he doesn’t care about them, but he thought you wanted to follow them. 

“Great, I will ask Kelly when she’s free and then we can plan something. Lando and I were at an amazing lunch spot a bit earlier, maybe we can go to that,” Max plans. 

You nod with a small smile. This sounds nice. When you were dating with George, there weren’t double dates like this. If his friends wanted to do something George was always the first to say you weren’t tagging along with them. It happened multiple times that you saw later that the other girlfriends had tagged along and that you were the only one who was left out. 

Lando and Max are talking about different things in the mean time. You feel yourself getting more sleepy. After a bit of trying to stay awake you decide to stop fighting it. You lay your head against Lando his chest and close your eyes for a bit. It would be nice to get some extra sleep. Lando plays with your hair. He loves that you’re so comfortable with him. 

When you’re in sleep Max and Lando continue talking about their plans for the next race. After a while Max says something else, changing the conversation subject by doing so. 

“I think I get it now,” he tells Lando, “and to make it even worse, I think you should continue this terrible plan of yours.” 

Lando looks surprised at his friend. He knows exactly that Max is talking about you. Since when is Max understanding for his dumb plans? 

“I didn’t see it before, but now that I have seen you two together I get it,” Max continues, “She is a good one Lando. Make sure you don’t lose her with this stupid plan.”

**

Days are quickly going by. You have been spending time with friends in Monaco the last days. Your days are full with lunches, dinners and parties. It’s busy, but it’s nice. The only person you have been missing the last days is a certain McLaren driver. 

Lando has been busy the last days. He has spend multiple days at the McLaren home. There was enough work for him to do. He has been in front of different cameras for commercials and content for McLaren’s social media, he has put in simulator work as well and had different meetings with sponsors. Even though he has been busy the last days, there’s still time to miss a certain someone. You. He hoped to be back by now, but his plan of being home was delayed today. 

The both of you wanted to text each other multiple times. But you both had the same thought multiple times: you’re just friends with benefits, it would be weird to text each other. 

You’re holding your phone, typing a message to Lando you won’t send for the fiftieth time today. You want to hear something from him, but you don’t know how to text him. 

In England Lando is doing the exact same thing, he’s already typing his third message in a row but he keeps deleting it. Nothing feels good. He sighs. What if he’s just honest? What if he texts you that he misses you? He types the text after a while. His thumb is hovering above the send button. Does he dare?

You’re typing another message, you wan’t Lando to know that you miss him. You want to know when he’s coming back. You look at your message, but you don’t send it. You don’t want to look pathetic. Then a message from Lando pops up. It simple, but it’s everything you wanted to read. 

Lando: i miss you

You smile from ear to ear. You have never replied this fast to a message. 

Y/N: I miss you too

Y/N: when are you coming back?

Lando: tomorrow, probably around the evening

Y/N: dinner at my place when you’re back?

Lando: deal

You stop responding for a while. A small plan is forming it self in your mind. Maybe you can send Lando a nice picture to remind him of what he’s missing right now? You walk towards your bedroom. You don’t really think about it, you quickly dress down until you’re standing in your lingerie for the mirror in your bedroom. You snap a few pictures before making the right one. Without giving it a second thought, you send Lando the picture. 

Lando: fuck

Lando: babygirl

Lando: fucking hell

Lando: I’m at dinner with every important member of the McLaren family

Lando: how the fuck am I to concentrate now

You smile at your phone. 

Y/N: oops hihi

Y/N: maybe you can think about what you’ll do with me tomorrow ;)

Lando: I might punish you for this

You decide to tease Lando a bit more. You get out of the lingerie. While standing naked in front of your mirror you take another picture. You send it to Lando.

Lando: you’re the worst

Lando: but also the best looking girl I’ve ever seen

Lando: but still the absolute worst for teasing me like this

Lando sighs. This dinner just got a whole lot harder for him. It’s impossible to focus on the boring conversations about marketing deals and upcoming campaigns, when you keep sending him pictures like that. It’s unfair how you can make him all bothered and horny without even being in the same country. 

Y/N: you love it

‘I love you’ Lando thinks as a reply to your text, but of course he doesn’t send it. 

Lando: duh

That night he jerks off while looking at your pictures and thinking about all the things he wants to do to you tomorrow. 

**

The following day is Lando trying his hardest to round everything up quickly. He wants to go back to Monaco. How earlier, how better. He looks at his planning, if he’s correct he only needs to speak with Zak and then he’s free to go. It’s still early in the afternoon, it would be nice to go back home soon. Maybe he can surprise you by dropping by earlier. 

“Lando, hey,” Zak greets him when Lando walks in to the office of his team boss. Lando quickly greets him back. He thinks about the subjects that this meeting can be about. He has no clue if he is honest. 

“What did you need me for?” Lando asks. 

“I just wanted to check a few things with you that have come to my attention,” Zak tells him. 

“Like?” Lando asks further.

“Like, what’s going on between you and George? There are some rumors about a fight?” Zak asks. 

It’s a personal question, Lando knows that he isn’t obliged to answer it but he still does. He has a nice bond with Zak and he would like to keep it that way. 

“There’s no fight. George cheated on his ex girlfriend a few months earlier, I’m siding with her. So now that I have become friends with her, George is a bit pissed off,” Lando explains quickly. 

Zak looks surprised while asking his next question, “I always thought you and George were best friends, are you throwing that away for a girl?”

Maybe this is why Lando likes to work under Zak. His team boss knows what’s going on in his personal life and always seems interested to hear about it. It’s nice to have a mentor figure to talk to about things like this. With always being on the road, Lando doesn’t have the time to explain things like this to his family. It’s nice to have someone else filling up that spot. After all, Zak can come up with pretty wise advice sometimes. 

“Yeah.. Remember that time I told you about a girl that I couldn’t date?” Lando starts to explain himself. Zak nods, showing Lando that he knows what they’re talking about. “It’s her. I couldn’t make a move on her because she was George his girlfriend at that time,” Lando continues, “and now I’m in pretty deep.”

“I knew it!” Zak exclaims, “I saw you two at Spa after your podium. I already thought it would be her.”

Lando lets out a small laugh because of the enthusiasm of Zak. 

“Are you together with her?” Zak asks. 

“That’s the part I kinda fucked up,” Lando says honestly, “We’re in some sort of situation ship.”

“But you’re still in love with her?” Zak asks further. Lando simply nods. “Okay, I did call you in to tell you that there’s a bit of negative media attention. But I get it now. Just continue with it, I will make sure their attention shifts to something else.”

“Thanks Zak, you’re the best.”

sorry for the late update, im pretty busy with school :(

[garbagepile]

Let's talk fight, flight, freeze and fawn trauma responses and the Bro'meave's.

Both Zane's fight. Zane is consistently going against and challenges the norm. He is constantly misunderstood and underestimated, which he sometimes uses to his advantage (MCD) or is annoyed by it(Mystreet). Zane fights, challenges what is expected of him. He tries to exceed the threat.

Zane is quite ambitious, in Dairies especially. With his want to become a God, which he'd do a lot for. And Mystreet Zane decides he wants to terrorize the school because the shadowknights rejected him, set his mind to it. And does it. Mystreet Zane doesn't know what he wants most of the time, but when he sets his mind to something he does so with conviction. And often almost succeeds.

Mcd Vylad freezes. Like I mentioned in this reblog. Mcd Vylad numbs his feelings down, avoids his family, he doesn’t deny his fate and being. Throughout what happens, he numbs and shuts down.

Mys Vylad freezed while he lived with his parents, after he leaves he flights. He travels all around the world, and avoids his family almost entirely just in the hopes of finding something. Escaping his past. Finding something for himself.

Mcd Garroth flights. He runs away from home and his responsibilities. He runs away from his family and his emotions. From himself. From his fears. When he can't flight, he fights. To try and scare the fear off so he can run away again. Physically and mentally. He doesn't want to face his emotions and fears. He is cowardly when it comes to emotions.

Mys Garroth both flights and fawns. He appeases those around him, especially his dad. He fears conflict. Disingenuous people-pleasing. Nice out of a desire to be liked and avoid conflict. He wouldn't tell someone about his problems because he fears they don't like him if he would.

[friskebits]

CASEY JR IS SO SILLY SO HAVE A RANT ON HIM! So, we all know he was raised in an apocalypse, and there aren't any real life examples of how living like that would effect someone, but! I've been taking a intro to psych for a few months now and I might be wrong on a few things here so feel free to add onto this if u want :3 Moving on, you ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy? No? Well here it is (and if you have just bear with me for a moment)

The way this hierarchy works is that in order to get to self-actualization, which is extremely hard to do in a normal world already, you need to have all the rows of this pyramid fulfilled, and Casey Jr was failed from step one. Obviously he was loved and cared for, but love and familial relationships come after physical needs. You can't build a pyramid starting from the third layer. Obviously the Turtles and Casey Sr and April tried their hardest but it's really hard to take care of a baby, especially with limited recourses and its safe to assume that every now and then he went hungry or was cold and didn't get enough rest, especially throughout his childhood. Obviously he grew up used to his unfortunate life so I'd like to think he sorta lived his own version version of this hierarchy, an unfulfilled one. Now with all of that out of the way, it's so wholeheartedly heartbreaking that this kid will never reach self-actualization which is literally basically just actually enjoying life, being creative, having fun in general pretty consistently. This fucking kid was failed from step one, and will probably never reach his full potential!

He was raised centered around one thing, stop the kraang. Having your entire life centered around one goal is really unhealthy, especially since he knows absolutely nothing outside of that goal. His entire conscious and unconscious mind is occupied with that goal. Even when he's safe and consciously is perfectly aware of his safety, his unconscious mind doesn't know that. Being in fight-or-flight mode for long periods of time isn't sustainable, it'll literally kill you, and he's been in fighting mode his entire life, sudden changes in setting and environment are gonna trigger that fight or flight response HARD. His first few weeks or months or hell even years with the present turtles is gonna be filled with him getting SO pissed at himself for still treating his life like he's gonna die at every turn, not to mention again going back to the pyramid, all of a sudden he's thrown into a place where he can fix himself and reach his full potential, but it's extremely possible that his constant need for a survival situation is a cardinal trait and he might not want to! It's very easy to get used to being scared, and it's very easy to assume he got really used to it.

Typically speaking after an extreme high (for Casey Jr, going to the past and saving the world) you get stuck in an extreme low. The relief we can tell he feels at the end of the movie is gonna be gone and fast. Not to mention the stress of being in an entirely new environment with people he knows that don't know him, being in a place where everyone else hasn't been failed in such a fundamental way the way he was, set up for failure from step one? This kid is NOT going to be okay for a VERY long time- and that's stacked on top of YEARS of ptsd and watching everyone he loves die, his entire being is out of place in the present and he breaks my heart because when you're in a place where you're so flawed, completely by yourself and stuck with people who will never understand your life, you're completely and utterly fucked.

(tags for friembs :3 @clanofjones @paytato435)

[scribbling-dragon]

sometimes i feel like i don't talk about the weirdness of my bio teachers enough (yes, TWO of them). all my other teachers are just. normal

like. we were doing fight or flight responses and my teacher starts us off with "so you know when you've got your arms crossed over your chest and you're lying face down" so i already know i'm in for a little tidbit of Teacher Lore (who the hell sleeps like that im????) and we all stare at him silently (this is normal for my class. so i guess he takes this as his cue to continue??) and he's like "Yeah. my arms go really numb sometimes and then my hand, which i cannot feel touches my face and i think it's someone else. because i can't feel my hand" don't sleep like that then?????? he then proceeded to be like "i showed u guys the video of a seagull swallowing a rabbit whole right?" (i was the only one to remember this) and then showed us again bc it fascinates him for some reason (tbf i'm with him on this one what the hell)

and my Other bio teacher (the one i've already spoken about) is having his mid-life crisis and has bough THREE 3D PRINTERS. THREE all of them are set up in his classroom. i did, however, get a 3d printed axolotl out of that

[thekatebridgerton]

Speaking of Absolute favorite tropes, here's another one that I can't get enough of: the fight and flight trope

the male lead says or does something irrecoverably bad, so hurtful and inexcusable that the female lead decides then and there that she's got no choice: she has to leave him. ( I blame Jane Eyre and Maria Von trapp for my fixation with this trope) because not only does she leave him, no, she leaves in secret, ostensibly to spare herself the pain of a goodbye. But we all know it's because she would either kill him or fall into his arms if she faced him... And so the female lead dissapears.

Our male lead then comes to his senses, ready to make amends, but she's gone, and for maximum amount of trauma, he can't find her anywhere. The ensuring prideful groveling and pathetically apologetic humblling of the male lead is and will always the part I love the most about this trope! And I will gleefully encourage anyone who writes it.

So here we go with the aus:

Polin

Realizing that she's been compromised in the carriage and not really wanting to ruin Colin's life with Lady Whistledown's reputation after all the hurtful things he said about her life work. Penelope refuses Colin's proposal Infront of her family and on the same day she leaves for the countryside without telling anyone. He's too dangerous for her piece of mind and she would rather be alone than married to him just to protect herself from the ton's retaliation on LW. Colin naturally goes absolutely feral looking for Penelope, HIS WIFE (Colin she rejected the proposal), the woman who has never left Mayfair where he could get her, his Penelope! How dare she leave him, when he does find her, he refuses to leave her alone even in the bathroom and rests at nothing to have Penelope inlove with him again! He will convince her he's marrying her for love! (Colin is a closet Jekyll and Hyde just waiting for Penelope to give him a reason to let out the unhinged psychopath he's got inside and you can't convince me otherwise) charming Colin my grass

Kanthony

Instead of watching Anthony wed Edwina, after their last fight, Kate decides to make good on her promise and return to India, devastated by Anthony's inability to take responsibility for the hurt he's caused her. Finding out that Kate has dissapeared, a furious Edwina blames Anthony for the destruction of her relationship with her sister and cancels the wedding. This is how Anthony finds out that Kate has decided to return to the Maharaj court without telling him. And he absolutely drops everything and heads to India to confess his love and bring her back . ( He grovels and he grovels a lot)

Benophie

She definitely should have left him after they slept together and she did in aofag. Because Benedict never proposed an arrangement that would leave her feeling like she didn't just sell her dignity for love. But instead of getting caught by anyone, Sophie manages to escape to a seaside town where nobody knows her. She realizes she's pregnant with Charlie and fearing that Benedict could use the child as an excuse to set her up as his mistress, and refusing to give her baby the life she led as a nobleman by blows. Sophie decides to not return to Benedict and simply pretend to be a widow and raise her son alone. Some years later traveler Colin stumbles upon a widowed seamstress who looks eerily like the missing maid his grieving brother can't stop painting. The seamstress has a child that's the spitting image of Gregory as a babe and soon, Benedict is knocking on Sophie's door and refusing to leave untill she agrees to listen to his apologetic soul ( I'm pretty sure he'd cry if she didn't listen to his apology and give him a second chance, he looks like a crybaby)

Honorable mention: Philoise

In tspwl She left him for an entire afternoon after a bad fight, she wasn't even far, she was literally in the estate next door, with her brother but Phillip was ready to pretty much die if he didn't find her at Benedict's. He was a mess of a person as soon as the thought of Eloise leaving him appeared in his head. If Eloise left him Phillip would apologize to her so much he'd turn into a ghost of a man and fall into a spiral of anxiety and depression until she took him back.

Anyway that the tea

[starseneyes]

Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 11

"The Naked and the Dead" AKA "Chenford is SOOOO married"

SPOILER WARNING: I will spoil the entire episode, likely the entire show, and I am addicted to details. Please proceed with caution.

Everybody primed and ready to go? Let's dive in!

"Hey, let me do it."

Timelines are tricky on this show, so I really don't think this was after the "second" date, but later. We saw in the cold open that Nolan and Celina were on a case during the day, so I think Tim and Lucy have been sneaking in dates and we're MAYBE a few days or a week past the end of the last episode.

So, that cute little glance Lucy gives Tim before uttering "let me do it" made me squee. Yes, I squee like a little girl kicking in a too-tall chair. Let me flail. I'm good at it!

Tim steps back and lets his wife girlfriend get to work on the coffee machine.

We know he's into black coffee (and clearly she knows his order after all the years on the job together), and I bet if he has a machine at home, it's either a grind-and-brew to give him whole bean goodness in a more instant form, or it's that "one cup" model I gave my husband to keep at work. Insert coffee. Insert water. Brew.

"So, what'd you guys get up to last night." "Nothing!"

Tim. Oh, Tim. Remember last week when I said you should stop lying? Yeah... maybe time to take my advice because your "nothing" is louder than a lot of "somethings".

To be fair, Nolan did say, "You Guys", which might trigger Tim's Fight-or-Flight response. Fleeing the scene might have appeared less suspicious.

Lucy slips in with her well-practiced UC skills on full display. See, she's had time to prepare, this time, and she's not going to get caught in the early stages of her secret romance.

She rattles off her love of the new Chagall exhibit while Tim suddenly gets lost in the aroma of his coffee so he can't open his big mouth, again. He seriously can't even look at either of them.

Tim finds a spec of dust on the floor to admire, sips his coffee, and hopes nobody notices.

Also, can we talk about Lucy handing Tim his coffee!? I know she could have done it at any other time in their relationship. I mean, she was his Boot and then his Gofer. She's handed him MANY a cup of coffee over the years.

But there is something so bloody domestic about Lucy Chen handing her boyfriend a cup of coffee.

"Nothing? You had all morning to come up with a cover story and that's what you went with?"

First off, I love the tone change from Lucy sending Nolan off to confronting Tim.

Second, I love how Tim immediately has to right the wrong of him being perpendicular to her and set himself directly in front of her, feet pointing towards what he desires. (Any New Girl fans out there?)

"Woah, woah. He bought it, didn't he?" "Uhhh."

I love this teasing. Both Eric Winter and Melissa O'Neil excel at something I adore in actors... the Art of the HUM. It can be "uh" or "hm" or "mm".

I don't care which of the "H" "U" "M" s you use and in what combination, a great actor can use them to add layers to a scene and make it feel completely natural rather than written-in.

Chenford fans are blessed with both actors masterfully pulling it off. Think Matthew Goode in A Discovery of Witches. If there's a King of the HUM, it's him.

But these two are pretty high up there in terms of mastery.

"What if he had asked you a follow-up question about the exhibit?"

There's that competitive spirit coming out with these two. Tim wants to prove that his excuse is more fool-proof than hers.

And, Tim, while you may be the Master of Tests, Lucy is the Master of Cover Stories. Remember Dim and Juicy's meet-cute Lucy created that made you think naughty thoughts you tried to cover up with veiled barely-there compliments? Lucy's gonna school you, former TO.

"Let him. I read the catalogue to the exhibit cover to cover."

First off, how the hell does Melissa O'Neil make that line sound hot? The world may never know.

Secondly... BOOM, Tim Bradford! You've been schooled by the master! Lucy is the queen of preparation. For goodness sake, she read psych journals trying to prepare to break up with her ex-"Work In Progress".

Lucy has a pattern, and it's a good one when your SO becomes your SO and you don't want anyone to know... o.

"Mmhmm"

See? Master of the HUM.

"I hear you have Citizens Academy today." "I do. Do you have any tips?"

She trusts him completely, and I love that he immediately rattles off information to help her. At this point, he knows exactly what she needs to hear, and what will be useful to her.

Also, Tim's disdain for screenwriters is strong. Or someone in the writer's room is really tired of unsolicited screenplays in their inbox.

"So... um, what are you doing tonight." "Nothing... I hope."

Ooooh, Velvet Voiced Tim is back! Eric Winter puts this velvety quality into Tim's voice when he's in boyfriend-mode, and it's so bloody delicious.

I did VO for over 20 years, so I get SUPER excited about these little shifts in performance. Immediately, we know what he means. Yowza.

"Nothing sounds perfect."

Okay, I have to be upfront and honest, here. My original prediction was that they would not have sex for the first time off-screen and that they would not have sex this episode.

But when this scene dropped as a promo (and I love that they did widescreen with wings when it was too awkward for the crop), I second-guessed myself. Did they... do it off-screen!?

No. Now, I firmly believe, no. But this scene had me going for a minute!

Narratively, it makes more sense to drag it out. Yes, I know that in real life some people sleep with one another the moment they meet. But I believe for these characters in this moment... it makes sense to take their time.

But when I first heard they were doing "nothing" and they'd also done "nothing" the night before with only the morning to make up a cover story... I questioned my choices hard.

And now my mind's in the gutter.

Okay, readjusting. Let's get back to Tim's beautiful smirk as he watches his woman depart. "I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave", anyone? Our kitten is smitten.

Lucy On A Mission

Lucy works at the computer, lost in thought and using that big brain and compassionate heart of hers.

Aaron slides up, completely unaware of what's on her computer. He's ready to spill the tea, and the tea is standing right beside him.

"You'll never guess who's coaching Little League." "Nolan?" "No. Sergeant Friendly."

I love the glare Tim gives Aaron. Because it's his damn fault. But I also love Aaron poking fun at Tim. Their dynamic's been a lot of fun to watch this season.

"Whu- How did that happen? Can I watch?"

Ma'am. This is a PRECINCT. Please pick your panties up off the floor and resume normal operating function.

I mean, wow, Lucy! There was some heat in that question and Aaron is right there!

Lucy Materializes Out of Thin Air

I had to watch it twice to pinpoint where the hell she came from at the ball park. So, my initial surprise was akin to Tim's.

"Hey." Hi."

How. Is. This. HOT!? They're just saying "hi" and it's so charged with electricity the baseball field lights are about to turn themselves on. There is absolutely zero chill with these two since they started dating, let's be real.

"Um... who are you?" "What?" "I... the... a lot of heart? They're kind of a mess." "They're kids. It's supposed to be fun." "Yeah..."

I hear that edge in his voice on that line.

It's the same edge that gets into his voice anytime he discusses anything remotely connected to his father or childhood. So many of his choices are informed by the scars he still bears—physical and emotional.

Tim walks away, a little frustrated, because he can see Lucy doesn't get it. To be fair, he isn't explaining it. He's not communicating with her at all here.

But, also to be fair, he's never sought counseling or therapy for what he survived. There's a lot bottled up and it can be hard to pour it out in digestible bits if you've never learned how.

Genny fills in the gaps. That's all Lucy needs to process where Tim is and what he's going through.

I grew up with a lot of yelling, name-calling, and verbal and emotional abuse. Manipulation. Control.

One of my greatest joys is breaking those cycles with my own children—giving them a better childhood.

Tim watched the anger and the volatile nature of the last coaching situation here. He remembers his own father. He wants different for these kids, even if they aren't his own.

"He's trying not to be like him." "Yeah."

Lucy deflates a little, here. It was only silly puffery meant to tease, but now she gets it. Now she sees where this comes from, and she feels a little guilty. Of course, she didn't know, but now she does.

*Tim thumbs ups a kid dropping a ball* "Well, I mean, there is such a thing as over-correcting."

Here's where Lucy knowing Tim so well comes in. She doesn't try to talk to him about it. She doesn't try to tell him what to do.

Instead, she gets in there to help course-correct so Tim can keep being supportive, and she'll provide the structure so he doesn't have to have the anxiety of in any way resembling his father.

This is such a demonstration of love, to me. She knows he's not ready to deal with all of this. There will be a day—perhaps when his father dies—that he'll start to process through everything that happened. But, in the meantime, she'll help him through.

This is where Tim and Lucy live, now. It's a "we". It's an "us". It's something neither of them has ever had to this degree, before, even though Tim was married once-upon-a-time.

Lucy and Tim are a team, now, and this episode highlights why—they complement each other. They balance each other. They sharpen each other.

And in this way, Tim's very fortunate to be falling in love with someone with a pysch degree who can understand what's needed. She's the ideal partner to help with this because she knows him enough, now, not to push. But she also knows enough to provide a safe space for when he is ready to discuss.

"What are you doing?"

You never know what your girl is gonna do, do you, Tim?

To note, the last time he asked her this was when he was in the hospital recovering from spinal surgery. She was supporting him, then, too. She has a knack for it. (and I think the time before that was when he caught her putting boots in his locker... she also has a knack for pranks, of course)

"My name is Lucy. I am Coach Bradford's... friend."

Look. At. Tim's. FACE. Look at that bemused smile when she asserts she is his "friend". There was a time when he wouldn't even have accepted that moniker.

It wasn't until they were discussing her love life in the shop during the last 30 days of her training that she said, "we're friends" and instead of refuting it, he simply made a face.

And I love that she remains his friend even as they're transitioning into everything else. I often tell my children that my husband is my best friend—and I mean it. Nobody supports me like Matthew, lifts me up like Matthew, understands my trauma like Matthew, and makes me laugh like Matthew.

I love every layer of that man. And he loves every layer of me. And friendship goes a long way to getting to that point, I think.

Lucy rattles off instructions for how to throw a ball while Tim side-eye-fucks her and thinks of other things she can do with her hands as she's acting out the motions.

Come on, I'm not wrong here, people! Look at his face and tell me there aren't a few things happening in his mind that are not baseball-related but might involve running some bases.

Lucy disperses the kids, and Tim fires off a "You heard her" which is the Chenford Coaching Team equivalent of "Listen to your mother!"

He looks her up and down and smiles deliciously at Lucy, activating her praise kink in a delightful motion of her head.

Yes, Lucy Chen absolutely has a praise kink. And there's nothing wrong with that! But I love how Melissa O'Neil has been consistent with that little head swish Lucy does.

We've seen her do it throughout the years ("Maybe one day she'll be as good as you" comes to mind), and it never stopped. It only morphed.

Look at it at Lopez's wedding when he compliments her (in his way) and then asks her for a dance. Praise Kink Activated.

She does it at the end of 5x08 as we wait to fade to black, and there's a softer version of it when she's basking in Tim's adoration at the end of their first scene of 5x09 in the Watch Commander's office. Girl's got it bad for Tim Bradford.

He offers her the ball... but no he didn't. And I'm giggling like Lucy last episode because he's such a teenager around her, sometimes.

I've heard the expression all my life, "Love makes you young". I often think of Patrick Stewart wearing the Elf Song Hat while his wife recorded him (Google it... you'll die laughing).

With Tim, I feel like it resets him to before all the hurt and heartache in his love-life with Isabelle. He can be... free. Flirty. Fun.

But, seriously, Tim's the one who is going to get them found out for sure. Because, you know who had a front row seat to that eye-fuckery? Genny, that's who.

Y'ain't fooling anyone, Timothy.

"I think you two should co-coach. You were great together." "Oh, no, no. I'm ready to hand over the reins, entirely." "Not a chance."

I've thought about the layers in this little interaction quite a bit. Genny sees something here—whether it's the romance, the layered friendship, or the true partnership they've developed over the years.

But I feel like Tim's dealing with some self-doubt, here, and Lucy catches onto that.

I have a husband who deals with self-doubt. He's an incredible human, but I can tell when he's leaning into that and when I need to pull him back out and remind him how awesome he is.

I get that feeling here with Tim and Lucy. Maybe I'm projecting. But, I feel like he's saying, "She's better than me" and she's saying "No way, no how". Because he's not bad at this. Yes, he over-corrected a bit, but kids do need the support he offered. And Lucy brought the structure. They're better together.

I mean, just look at the way they're cleaning up together. Lucy's handing the bats to Tim and Tim's putting them away. They're doing it instinctively because helping one another and working together is completely natural, by now.

It's not something they have to discuss or consider—it's instinctual.

I've seen this in nature, before. A client of mine (yes, same client from last Meta) flew me out to Los Angeles a few times for work. I stayed with him and his wife, and I got to watch them work in the kitchen together.

After decades and decades of it being the two of them together, with no kids or anyone else in the way... it was like watching a dance.

That's Tim and Lucy. They move together rhythmically and naturally. May it be so in all aspects of their life—but I'm skipping to another episode that hasn't aired, yet, now!

"No, but seriously! I saw today why you work so well together."

And, Tim, poor, sweet Tim, opens his mouth. Tim can't get words out, and one look from his wife, and he knows to shut that mouth.

"We spend so much time together on, out on the job. It's so great that Tyler has been making friends so quickly after moving here."

Anyone else thinking Lucy's UC school was solely so she could cover up for her and her not-so-secretive secret boyfriend? Because, hello, it keeps coming in handy!

This is classic redirection. I use it with my children all the time. Just this morning my 5-year-old daughter was having an unusually hard time saying goodbye to go to school. Usually, she walks in without a glance back. Today, it was CLING city.

So, I went through the room until we finally finally found something to get her mind off of me so I could slip away.

Lucy's doing the same thing. She's pointing at something else in Genny's life to let that thought of "Tim and Lucy" slip away. It gives Genny something more personal to her to focus on, and shifts the conversation gently.

"We'll make sure he gets the best seat in the house."

Just thirty seconds ago, Tim was trying to get out of co-coaching, and they were both deflecting why they're great together, but now we're back to "we". Heck, we never left "we" for Tim and Lucy. They're a unit, now.

"What's wrong?" "There's something going on with my Domestic." "You want me to come? "No, it's okay. I got it."

Oh, how far we've come. In the past, if Tim said, "What's wrong?" to Lucy, it was surprising that he was taking interest. But, this is his girlfriend, and he knows her well. He looks to her phone for a clue as she approaches.

Then, he offers his help. This isn't TO Tim who wants to make sure his Boot doesn't mess things up. This isn't Sergeant Tim who is going to be backup for Officer Chen. This is Boyfriend Tim willing to be there for his woman, but asking what she wants because he knows she's more than capable of handling herself.

That's what hits me the hardest about this—he knows she's got it, but he's there if she wants him.

And I think that's why her "No" and the head-tilt comes off as intimately as it does... Lucy knows what Tim's offering and why. It's love he's demonstrating and she's sending a "message received" with that look.

And Tim's little "okay" downturn of his lip at the end of the clip even shows how he's not worried a bit. But he was going to offer. And I bloody love that.

Tim and Lucy and Wesley

I love this scene. It's so small and seemingly insignificant plot-wise, but it's the heart of the story, here. Okay, I'm tearing up a little.

PAUSE: TW Abuse CW Abuse

I don't want to give details, but I have people in my life who have been where these women are in the story. So, to me, I don't see the characters. I see my cousin. I see my friend. I see the girl when I was in college who was murdered by her boyfriend in the dorm.

In the case of the plot, this scene isn't necessary. But in terms of the context, it adds so bloody much. It's the message. It's the truth of what happens all too often. Gabby Petito is a recent case that made national headlines, but this happens all over, every day.

And what can we do? What options are there? How can we help? There is some heavy stuff in this episode. But, it's important for us to listen and learn.

END TW Abuse CW Abuse

I love that Tim has Lucy's back, here. She could have done this alone, but I bet she asked him along for his experience and for the weight of his strips in the discussion.

And I ADORE Shawn Ashmore (the sharp-eyed twin, as I've always thought of him), and there's something so irreverent about him sitting in that suit atop the desk that made me giggle a little the first time I saw it.

"Him and Bailey are just way too nice to be landlords." "Totally." *aggressive head-nodding Tim*

And like the Fool who took the stage immediately after the gruesome murder in the Royal Shakespeare Production of MacBeth (the Scottish play for my theatre siblings), there's the levity we need to help transition to what's next.

It's the rhythm of the scene and script where somehow this writer's room is tasked with heartache and hilarity in the same space. It takes skill to do well, and this scene does it well.

"Okay, hold on, you are a complete badass out on the streets-" *Tim question's wife's opinion aggressively* "Off hours, you're a little...." "Easy target."

Nolan's indignation combined with Celina's face make that moment. But it's all the rhythm of Tim and Lucy that gets us there. Tim and Lucy are still Tim and Lucy.

Lucy wants to try to find the compassionate angle, and Tim's going to tell it like it is.

Chenford Coach a Game

Tim and Lucy have me smiling ear-to-ear for so many reasons in this scene. Look at how sweet he is with the kids, making sure they have a good experience. Look how competitive she is. Miss "I like trophies" is coming out, and it's amazing.

"God, every time!" "Be encouraging." "Good. Good job. Good try." "We're gonna work on that."

Married. So married. Beyond married. This whole interaction is gold. And the matching hats and shirts!? Normally, I wouldn't think Prison Orange would be a good look on a cop, but these two pull it off!

Tim is coaching Lucy as much as he's coaching the kids. I see a little "teacher Tim" in that "Be encouraging", though far gentler than TO Tim. And his face right before he tells her, "We're gonna work on that" has me rolling. That little down-turned mouth cracks me up.

We're getting a sneak peek into their future with this one. And, as usual, Tim and Lucy are balancing one another out.

That's one of the things I really love about them. They're not the same person, like Lucy says his ex was. They're very different people who are on a parallel path and are willing to put in the work to make this work because they're worth it.

"I'm excited." "I know."

AHHHHHHH. I know it's a TINY, tiny thing, but the way that he so effortlessly leans into her, the way he cocks his head as he says, "I know." It's so married.

And I have to call out the camera work, here, and the directing. If we're paying attention, we see Nyla and Angela showing up as Blake goes to bat. From the other angle you might note Blake's father shooting to his feet as Blake's bat connects with the ball.

The director is allowing us to discover the story-line without dumping us in at that shot of Nyla and Angela surrounding Blake's father. And I bloody love it.

James Patterson (pre-ghost writers) took the same approach with his mystery books. If you were really paying attention, you always had the opportunity to discover the answer along with the detective. That was something the ghost writers just always missed.

It's fun to have the chance to be detectives yourself—and this director allowed us that chance.

And, I just looked it up. Robert Bella, again! That explains the composition of Tim and Lucy with the fence during the night scene at the ball-field—having Eric Winter take the two steps up so he'd be framed behind the fence instead of in the gap as Melissa O'Neil steps away for Lucy's call.

Anyway.... back to Blake's Criminal Dad...

I had hoped this was the way the story-line would go (with Blake's father being arrested at the end of the game), but I didn't call Nyla and Angela being involved.

So, that gives two more people front row seats to "Why the Hell are Tim and Lucy Coaching Together if They're Just Friends And Holy Crap Were They About to Kiss on the Sidelines?"

Also love the Genny is up there, and that she's positioned behind Blake's father. I don't know if she did it on purpose to help make him easier to find for Nyla and Angela, but that's my head-canon.

And LOOK at Tim and Lucy cheer Blake on! Married. So married.

Plus, that hi-five. I know we're all talking about what Tim has in his hand. Is it cash? We've seen him bet on things before (including that his Rookie would smoke everyone at firearm re-certification), but did Tim and Lucy bet on the game?

She definitely grabs on after the high five, and we see his fingers wiggling. Is he trying to get out of giving her the money? We might need Eric Winter and Melissa O'Neil to chime in on this one...

I have to say, I am loving domestic Chenford, and watching them find new layers to their relationship. I know a lot of people want snogging every week, but I am a huge fan of dolling it out in smaller dollops, much as the romantic aspects of this relationship have been leading up to "Do you want to go on a date?".

Yes, in real life, some people sleep together the moment they meet. Then, you have me and Matthew, who waited four years and until we were married. Lucy and Tim are somewhere between that, and I think they're doing what's right for these characters in this moment.

And I have to separate Chenford back into Tim and Lucy, for a moment, to acknowledge what might not be seen as "Chenford" to most, but totally is to me... Tim and Lucy had separate story-lines this episode.

Yes, Lucy came together on the baseball story-line. Yes, they converged at parts on the Domestic story-line. But, we got to also see them handle themselves without the other as backup. And I think that's so important for us to see as an audience—Tim and Lucy are still Tim and Lucy. They don't have to be together every second.

Tim was highly organized and communicative as a Sergeant in the shoot-out. We got to see his military-level calm and control on display.

For Lucy, we got to see her compassion, bad-assery, and conflict de-escalation without anyone having to back her up. She's a confident and competent cop.

Together, we love them. But I'm someone who also lovesTim and Lucy as Tim and Lucy—separate from Chenford.

I think it's important for the show to remind us who they are on their own so that we can appreciate them both, and not let "Chenford" become the only story-line for either. Both characters are rich and complex, and deserve the opportunity to shine separate from one another, not only when they share a scene.

PAUSE: CW Abuse TW Abuse

This story-line really broke my heart because I know those women. I've been the one in Lucy's position trying to help before one was nearly strangled to death by her husband. And she stayed... it was rough.

If you are in an unsafe situation, please reach out and get help. Here is the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

I like to keep these Metas light and frothy, but I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge this plot line that isn't a story for two many people in this country and in this world.

Yes, we watch television often for entertainment, but there can be some truth in the messages we receive.

END CW Abuse TW Abuse

As always, thank you for reading and joining me on this ride. I can't wait to see what's next for Tim, Lucy, and Chenford.st

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

Babe! Congrats!

Look I couldn’t choose my fav!

Bradley and “I’ll never be good enough, will I?”

Cassie! This is your second request for my celebration. You know how the last one was super fluffy and cute and sweet? This one is decidedly none of those things. I hope you enjoy it! (You might want to keep a tissue box handy)

Smoke In The Air

"Dagger 2, up and ready." Your voice had been tense as you strapped in for your first mission with your new squadron.

The jolt of the catapult as it shot your jet into the sky? That was something you could handle. Flying in formation with your eyes peeled? You could handle that, too. A dogfight with a squadron of SU-57s hell-bent on bringing you down? You weren’t sure that even Top Gun had prepared you for that brand of chaos. The bright mid-day air is filled with a haze of smoke. The staccato hiss of flares deploying and the rattling wheeze of onboard machine guns make a frantic backdrop to the comms spilling into your ears from your squadron. 

“Dagger 1, defending!”

“Dagger 6, smoke in the air, 3 o'clock!”

Each set of clipped communications assures you that at least your squadron is faring the same as you are. And more importantly, that they’re all alive. Throughout the fighting, you’ve been pushed closer and closer toward the ocean. You’ve got two SU-57s dogging your every move, and things are not looking great. You’re out of flares and missiles, and you only have a hundred bullets left. It’s practically a disaster zone. And you can’t rely on any of your squadron members because they’ve all got their own battles they’re waging in the air. 

Was he right? He has to be. Why else are you the only member of the team who isn’t able to shape up? Phoenix would’ve been flying circles around these bozos. That’s the last thought in your mind as your jet blares with the signal for tone lock. You have only a few moments to grab your ESAT and hit the button to eject before you feel the rush and heat of your jet exploding near you. Shrapnel pierces the material of your parachute, and as you plummet to the ground, you’re thankful that at least nobody will miss you when you’re gone. It’s a thought only soundtracked by the screaming of the wind in your ears as you plummet to the ground.

You’d joined the Dagger Squadron in San Diego following Lieutenant Commander Natasha ‘Phoenix’ Trace’s announcement of her pregnancy. Admiral Simpson had hand-picked you to join the squadron after following your career in the year after you’d graduated from Top Gun. You’d been incredibly intimidated when you’d been introduced to the Daggers. They were all legends of their own making. And while you were good, you knew immediately that you were nowhere near their level.

“Wasp, huh?” As one of the pilots had loomed over you, you'd squeaked, the sound embarrassingly shrill. He’d smelled so good, cedar and spice enveloping you as you peered into his whiskey eyes. His mustache had bristled as he’d spit out,  “Well, you’re a little thing, but what makes you so sure you deserve a spot on this squadron? We’re the best of the best. I’m afraid we don’t have openings for kids fresh out of flight school or Top Gun.”

You’d bristled at that accusation and shot right back, “Well, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw, at least I’m not so old that I can't learn all the new tricks they teach nowadays.”

“Fine, we’ll settle this in the air, kiddo.” He’d spat before wheeling away.

“Anytime, old man.” Had been your impertinent response.

The rivalry between you and Rooster had started that day. You knew he hated that you’d taken the position of a friend on the squadron. He hated that you weren’t flying with Bob, and he hated that you could fly circles (sometimes) around them all. But above all, you know he hated that Lieutenant Commanders Seresin and Floyd had taken a shine to you, the two pilots closest to Lieutenant Commander Trace. It got some attention, you and Rooster. Mav had pulled you aside one day after a training exercise and told you to chill the animosity. That had worked for about 48 hours. Hangman had suggested at one point that you should fuck the older man to get it out of your system. You’d snorted in derision and turned around, only to walk right into Bradshaw. 

His glare had cut you to the bone, and you knew you’d just burned any bridges you could’ve had with this squadron. Push comes to shove, they’d pick Bradshaw. Hands down. It was lore in the Navy. It had been since they'd done the impossible during the Uranium Mission. The Dagger Squad was the best of the best. Their leader? Their heart? That was Lieutenant Commander Bradley Bradshaw. You get on his bad side, and your career is as good as dead. You could feel the reaper standing over you every day of training after that, and then as you lined up for the mission briefing, you felt the chill of the reaper’s blade across your neck.

What an omen for the mission to come. 

You wake up half-buried in a mossy log. The scent of petrichor and greenery surrounds you. It’s a relief to know that despite everything else, at least your brain and your nose still work. But everything aches. Your ribs and right thigh scream as you push yourself upright. All you can see around you are trees. You’re safe. Mostly. But your heart’s in your throat. You went down. You left your squadron with one less defender and one less protector. And you don’t know if you’ll be able to get to safety. Even now, you can hear the battle happening in the skies and, far worse, boots tromping through the brush, looking for something. 

You slither into a hunched position behind what's left of the log and pray that whoever it is isn't the enemy. Every breath hurts, your expanding lungs sending pain lancing through your system. Black spots cover your vision as you crane your neck to see who it is. Your mouth falls slack as you see Bradley Bradshaw marching over to you.

His eyes light up when they see you, half hunched as you are. "Wasp! There you are. I saw you go down. I was just able to report your last known location when I got shot down too." 

You open your mouth, trying and failing to say a word, when Bradley carefully props you up and begins running through a cursory examination. His eyes are worried and dark when he sees the shrapnel buried in your thigh, though he keeps his mouth shut and hands you a canteen of water. You're hesitant to accept it initially, though you're forced to drink when he presses it against your lips. You'd forgotten how thirsty you were.

"Roost'r" You're breathing heavily as you tug on the sleeve of his flight suit. "Ever'ne okay?"

"Yeah, all good. We took down the SU-57s. The others are completing the mission. Mav'll send out S&R once they're back." His hands are gentle as he carefully tests the metal in your thigh. "M'gonna pull this out so we can get you bandaged up, ok? It's going to hurt. Can you be strong for me, Bug?"

"Yes," you screw your eyes shut, sticking your hands over your mouth and bracing yourself as Bradley carefully yanks the metal. Inch by inch, he pulls, and you can feel the burning ache radiate through you. You're sobbing, biting into the back of your hand to keep anyone from hearing you. You can't feel anything other than the waves of pain and your blood rushing past your ears as you stay still as a statue until Bradley carefully tugs your hand from your mouth. He’s wrapped a bandage around your thigh, but you can see blood soak the bindings with each breath you take.

"C'mon. I scoped out this abandoned cabin. Both our ESATs are running strong. The best thing to do would be to get to shelter." He's got your hand securely wrapped in his own as he carefully helps leverage you up. That's when your ribs make themselves known. 

"Rooster. My ribs. They hurt a lot. I must have a few broken. M'not sure I can walk." Your face is grim, expecting him to scold you or call you useless or any of the other things you're sure he knows are true about you. 

"That's okay, Bug. C'mere. I'm going to carry you. And we'll get you laid down so we can take a look, okay?" He positions you until you're facing him. His hands are gentle as he slips his arms around your knees and carefully picks you up. Each move aches, but when you're braced against his chest, all you can smell is the cedar and spice of his cologne.

Bradley keeps up a steady chatter, carefully checking on you every once in a while. The two of you have been walking for nearly an hour. You're mostly silent, humming on occasion in reply as you stay fixated on the pale scar on his cheek. 

Your voice shocks you when you finally speak, "I'll never be good enough, will I?"

"Hmm? What's that, Bug?" You can hear the confusion in his voice as he tries to figure out what you're saying. "I can see the cabin now. We'll be safe and sound soon. I promise."

You hear the creak as he pushes the door open and carefully sets you down on the dusty bed in the corner. 

"Now, what were you saying, Bug?"

"I said, I'll never be good enough for you, will I? It's obvious, I know. I'm not Phoenix. I'm just the dumb baby that you got stuck babysitting. I don't belong in this squadron. Why'd you come looking for me? God." Your voice is a wheezing chuckle as you try and fail to catch your breath. You can feel your spit dribbling out with each choking breath. "I bet you're going to tell them it was my fault you got shot down. That I don't deserve to be a part of the Navy anymore, forget flying."

You're looking right into his eyes as you spit the words out. You're not expecting something that looks an awful lot like worry to slide over his face. His hands are gentle as they cup your cheek, thumb tender against your bottom lip.

"You're going to be okay, Bug. You're hurt and scared. I know you are, I am too. We're going to get you home, get you to a hospital, and you're going to be flying again in no time." When Bradley pulls his fingers away, you're not surprised to see blood-tinged spit coating the calloused digits. A sudden surge of surety hits you at the sight.

"You and I both know that's not gonna happen, Roo. I wanted to be good for you. I wanted to show you I had your back." Each breath aches a bit less than the one before it. You're not coming home from this. You know it. "Was too stupid. M'sorry, Roo. Tell Jake and Bob thank you for me? And wish Phoenix luck w'the baby? Hangy's gonna be a great dad." 

You'd never suspected that Bradley Bradshaw would cry over you. A tear tracks down his cheek, the one with the scar you'd been so fascinated with while he brought you here. "What're you saying, Bug? You're going to be just fine. Two months max, and we'll have you flying circles around me again."

"I'd like that, Roo." You cup his jaw, dragging him in until you can feel the hot splash of his tears against your neck. His arms are wrapped around your waist as he cradles you against his chest. "I hope that'll happen. You're going to be a great Commander and Captain, Roo." He's crying in earnest, his sobs racking his shoulders as he holds you close as tightly as he dares. You can't help the hitch in your own breath as you try and fail to keep your tears at bay. "I don't have anybody waiting at home. The Navy's my home. So when you bring me home, will you put my body someplace where I can watch the flowers grow? I just want to see the flowers grow, Roo. Please?"

"Yeah, Bug, I can do that. Any other requests?" His nose is stuffed, and his voice is hoarse as he pulls back so he can see your eyes.

"Kiss me?" Your voice is barely a whisper. "I just want to be loved when I die." You can see the shock in his eyes at your final request.

"Yeah, sweetheart." His lips press gently to yours as he cradles you close. Nothing hurts anymore as you bury your fingers in his curls. You can feel everything fade as your eyes flutter closed.

Want to request something for my 100 Follower Celebration? The guidelines are here! Please leave me a request in my inbox with your ask!

- XOXO Star

[sophieinwonderland]

Just addressing the latest lies about me: No, I didn't call anyone an abuser. 🙄

The rumor mill is apparently running again

It's come to my attention someone has been claiming I called them an abuser. Just to set the record straight, here is what I believe is the comment I made in a discussion that included the classic "you can't prove DID is only caused by trauma" talking point.

Here's a link to a reblog to prove I haven't edited it.

I didn't accuse them of being an abuser. What I did say is that their talking point is designed to associate endogenic systems with abusers. And I stated the fact that it's emotionally manipulative.

It's the classic "think of the children" argument often employed by right-wingers, designed to shutdown critical thinking.

Art, Argument, and Advocacy (2002) argued that the appeal substitutes emotion for reason in debate. Ethicist Jack Marshall wrote in 2005 that the phrase's popularity stems from its capacity to stunt rationality, particularly discourse on morals.

This particular instance is based on a false premise that the only way to prove DID can only be caused by trauma is to traumatize children.

It's also directed at an audience of abuse survivors in a way likely to trigger fight or flight responses.

I am not saying this particular user intentionally is using that tactic either. I said the talking point was emotionally manipulative, not that they personally were. Often, people repeating talking points like these are pawns who just absorb what they're told uncritically and repeat it back to others. (Although, lying about what I said and claiming I called them abusive does make me think they're being emotionally manipulative too.)

The French Oboe Tutor Experiment

Let's say you want to conduct a study on children. You have a hypothesis that the only way children can learn to play the Oboe is to have a tutor from France.

So you gather 200 children. 100 kids make up the experimental group and are taught to play the Oboe by a French tutor.

The other is the control group, and they're not taught to play the Oboe.

By the end of the experiment, the entire experimental group learns how to play the Oboe. But none of the control group do.

Therefore, the researchers conclude that you can only learn how to play the Oboe by being taught by a French tutor.

Proving Causation Doesn't Prove an Exclusive Causation

It shouldn't be hard to see the problem. While "being taught by a French tutor" results in a 100% causation rate compared to the 0% of children who learned to play the Oboe in the control group, this doesn't tell the whole story.

The Oboe is an uncommon instrument to learn in the general population and a group of 100 not having Oboe players isn't remarkable. Alternative hypotheses weren't tested. What would the results have been with a group with a Russian Oboe tutor? With a Korean Oboe tutor? Could some kids learn from online lessons if instructed to?

Likewise, testing a trauma hypothesis of DID could certainly prove causation. But it's not going to prove exclusive causation. It can't show that other things wouldn't be able to cause DID in certain cases.

That requires testing alternative hypotheses.

Which is still unethical...

Again, we can't do that. We can't try to give someone a mental disorder in the name of science.

So neither this proposed study nor similar testing alternative hypotheses for causation can be conducted.

But I want to address the reason that responses to anyone mentioning how the DSM says DID is associated with trauma but doesn't have a requirement is met with this ridiculous talking point of "THAT'S BECAUSE PROVING IT'S CAUSED BY TRAUMA WOULD MAKE US HAVE TO TRAUMATIZE KIDS!"

Traumatizing kids doesn't prove that's the only way to form DID anymore than the French Oboe Tutor Experiment above would somehow prove you can only learn the Oboe from French tutors.

This argument is 100% an emotional manipulation tactic meant to equate any people questioning the science to wanting to abuse children. It's made to trigger emotional reactions and shutdown your critical thinking so you don't question it any further, or to shame you into silence by associating you with child abusers.

And it's made for a base who already hold this view, and for them, the argument just further reinforces why they shouldn't ever question their beliefs.

Keep thinking critically!

To those reading this, keep questioning what you read. Keep thinking critically about it. Don't blindly accept what you're told as fact. Especially when it comes to science. If an argument appears to be based more on stopping you from thinking, be sure to ask yourself why.

[dark-twist-fairytales]

"What does home look like to you?"

~~~

This question is asked to the ninjas that protect the city during an interview one day. Each one give a different response from each other, yet still connected together.

--Zane--

"What does home look like to you?"

"Home looks warm, filled the right amount of noise, bright and brash even on bad days. Home looks like a fire that won't diminish, even after a strong gust a wind, yet still has time to dull in the rain."

"Heh, sounds like you're describing someone more than a home."

"My home is Kai."

--Cole--

"What does home look like to you?"

"Ah.. Man, that's a tricky one.. Home used to look like my mom and dad dancing in the moonlight, but now.. Home looks bright and dull, soft and hard, firm and smooth. Home looks like my family now, I know that they're there for me. Home is knowing I'm alright with them. Home is knowing they're safe."

--Jay--

"What does home look like to you?"

"Simple answer: The ocean. Long answer: The beach with a metal detector on a slightly windy day. Hearing the waves, feeling the warmth.."

"Mr. Walker?"

"Home is my yang.. And will forever be my yang.."

--Kai--

"What does home look like to you?"

"... Laying it on thick, huh? Hah! Well, uh.."

"It's a simple question-"

"I know, I know.. Home doesn't look like anything. Home is multiple sounds at once. Home feels like so many things. Home looks like nothing, I can't imagine what 'home' looks like to me, because home isn't one set thing.. Home feels safe."

--Nya--

"What does home look like to you?"

"Like a messy workshop. Coffee cups, blueprints, gizmos and gadgets- All of it, a mess. That's home, plain and simple."

--Lloyd--

"What does home look like to you?"

"Home..? Home looks.. Welcoming. Home looks like a field, with dragons and family. No danger, no need for a fight or flight, it looks.. Settled."