#and ive been grinding away at it so hard and finally broke through everything and got to the final level

[thecoolertails]

i got to death egg zone in sonic 3 & knux in sonic mega collection (gamecube) and the fucking game crashed and it doesn't save your progress to the memory card unless you save and quit to the games menu so now im back in ice cap zone 🙃 back in sonic 3 🙃 i lost basically an entire game's worth of progress but its fine im fine 🙃🙃🙃

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

I’ll Try

hi i know i said i was gonna work through my prompts but ive been having a mini writers block and tried to get rid of it with this which ended up not working and this took three days when something like it would have taken three hours this time last year 🤣 im fine everythings fine

pairing: geraskier

warnings: post getting together touch starvation, geralt getting overwhelmed and feeling guilty about it, two idiots being idiots, geralt refuses to speak up for his needs im not projecting i swear, thats it tho, they dont even fight its just a nice little convo, un beta’d

_________________

Two weeks. It had taken two weeks for Geralt to muster up the courage to hold Jaskier’s hand as they walked. They’d had a stilted and painfully awkward conversation about feelings and decisions and commitments that ended rather well, but Geralt just couldn’t do it. He’d kept his distance from people for so long that the thought of holding someone else and being welcome whenever he wantedto do so sent his heart racing. The first week he couldn’t bring himself to think about being held in return without a pang of anticipation and fear shooting through his chest. 

But he’d done it. And he loved holding Jaskier’s hand. He loved being able to walk up behind his bard and wrap his arms around Jaskier’s waist, resting his chin on his shoulder, and lean on him. He loved the light touched to wrists and how Jaskier would brush his hair out of his eyes before kissing his brow. He really really loved it. 

Just… it could be overwhelming. Jaskier was extremely tactile and while it was nice to be able to communicate without needing words, Geralt found it could become too much rather quickly. He also felt extremely guilty about it. Jaskier had even told him he was always made feel like he was ‘too much’ for his partners (‘usually too adulterous’ Geralt had teased) and the last thing the witcher wanted to do was tell him as much. 

But he damn near wanted to crawl out of his skin one afternoon as he was grinding herbs for his potions. Jaskier had one leg over him as they sat on the ground and the bard was bent almost in half to lay his cheek on Geralt’s shoulder. That Geralt could muscle through, but it was the little touches and shifting that came from Jaskier playing with the cuffs of his shirt that really threw him. 

After an hour of barely being able to focus, Geralt finally scrambled to stand and start pacing the edge of the meadow where they’d made camp. 

“Geralt?” Jaskier called to him surprisingly cautiously, still sitting where they’d been entangled, but now leaning back on his hands as if he’d been hit in the chest with a rabbit carcass. 

“Hm”

“What’s going on?”

Geralt just shrugged as he continued his pacing, “Need to walk. Cramp.”

It seemed Jaskier wasn’t buying his half-assed excuse as he planted himself directly in Geralt’s path and grabbed him just above the elbows, “You’ve been acting weird all day.”

“Tired,” Geralt growled, feeling ready to snap at any moment.

Jaskier’s lips disappeared into a thin line and his eyebrows climbed his forehead, “Yeah, and I’m a skilled swordsman. What is wrong?”

Try as he might, Geralt couldn’t unclench his jaw as he spoke, keeping the volume low in the hopes it wouldn’t frighten Jaskier, “Let me go.”

Hurt flashed across Jaskier’s face as he took a step back and folded his arms over his chest. There was no anger in his posture though, geralt could have handled that easily- gladly even, but it broke his heart to see the way his bard held himself. Quite literally holding himself around the ribs with his shoulders slightly hunched, Jaskier just stared at Geralt, waiting with a look akin to fear on his face. 

Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, Geralt tried to sift through his words despite the urge to simply stomp off into the woods, “Overwhelmed.”

It wasn’t much but it was the best Geralt could force out. And by some miracle, it seemed Jaskierwas relieved by the answer. He let his arms hang by his sides and stood a little taller, tilting his head to the side as he spoke, “Is there some noise…? Smell I cant smell?”

Geralt shook his head and tapped his wrist, indicating the cuff Jaskier was fiddling with before.

“Oh… you- dont like the touching…” Jaskier looked on the edge of tears. Anyone else may have thought he was just slightly upset, but Geralt knew what to look for. Jaskier’s lips were back in their firm line, but this one was narrower, and all expression left his eyes. 

“No! No, Jask I uhm, really like that. A lot… I’m not used to it though…” As Geralt scrambled to get his words out he stepped forward, reaching to hook his pinky around Jaskier’s.

“Well of course not. It’s been less than a month.” Jaskier still looked cautious, though his eyes softened ever so slightly. 

“It’s been... decades since someone touched me so often and so... innocently,” Geralt mumbled, hoping Jaskier could make sense of the information. 

“Oh Geralt… sweetheart I didn’t realize…” Geralt just tilted his head at Jaskier as he continued, “Thats like throwing a man baking in the desert straight into an ocean. Of course you’re overwhelmed! I- I didn’t even think…” 

“I didn’t want you to think I thought you were too much…” Geralt offered, giving a little shrug and feeling a bit like a child. 

Jaskier gave him a sweet smile and swung their hands side to side just a bit, “Thank you, darling. You can tell me when you reach your limit next time. I wont get upset.”

Geralt swallowed hard and cleared his throat muttering a quick “I’ll try.” before giving Jaskier a peck on the cheek and going back to crushing his herbs. Jaskier picked up his lute and plucked away at the strings and every time Geralt looked up at him he was smiling with a mix of affection and wonder. They’d be fine, Geralt decided, he’d just have to use his words. 

[seijohsbabe]

Reward

Ship: Oikawa, Hanamaki, Matsukawa, Iwaizumi x Reader

Wordcount: 2,9 k

Tw: smut, pet names, overstimulation, abuse/rape (Reader kinda likes it ??), noncon

a/n: im so dumb ive deleted the old post so I have to repost it sorry guys :( If you have ideas for a next story, my inbox is open!

Nervously you looked to the ground. The mood was bad. More than logical, because the team you have been with for a long time has just lost to Seijoh.

 But not only that made you look to the ground, there were four glances that made you tremble, and you knew exactly from who they were coming from and why. Your bet with you, which you had not really agreed but refusing with the four was no possibility. After your transfer to Karasuno, you were hoping to finally have some rest from the four. You were Oikawa's girlfriend, but his three friends also had a say. After you gathered your courage and broke up with him, it was far from over. They chased you, humiliated you, reached for you like you were a simple doll to them. Your move to Karasuno was like a glimmer of hope for you.

But only after 5 days they found you again, and drummed into you their bet to destroy Karasuno and take you as a prize. And here you were, on the bench, stunned, staring at the ball that practically meant your death. Shimizu, who was sitting next to you, noticed your trembling and held your hands with downcast eyes. But she didn't know a bit whatyou will expect now. You quickly tried to pack all your things and get back on the bus as quickly as possible. And you almost thought you had made it when you ran down the hall to get to the exit, but a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you into a room that you actually wanted to walk past. The room turned out to be a locker room. The door slammed behind you and you got pushed right against it.The four pairs of eyes that you actually no longer wanted to see were now right in front of you. 

Oikawa who was still pressing you against the door let you go slowly to take a step back, to your surprise. With an all too familiar grin, he looked down at you, just like the other three who were just a few steps behind Oikawa. Only now do you really realize how big they were again, how much stronger they were. You can just grab yourself so easily without you doing anything. "Lil cutieee." Oikawa said first. His voice made you tremble and crouch. You know exactly why they dragged you in here, but you couldn't have it that real. Iwaizumi, who so far has only been against one without comment Was leaning against the wall, with crossed arms, now pushed off to slowly approach you. "Can you still remember? Our little agreement? We want our price." What can you do It was hopeless, you were trapped in the wolves' den as a little rabbit. But you still had one option. Your gaze slid briefly next to you, where the door handle was. Oikawa hadn't locked it. You quickly grabbed the door handle and tear open the door to get out of this cave. But Iwaizumi must have noticed your gaze and no sooner had you opened the door than he reached for you and slammed the door with his foot. Your back was now pressed against his chest, and your hands were tied tightly to your body, his hands completely encircling you. "I would give myself up." He whispered in your ear. And with that your last hope was gone.

Matsukawa was now in front of you, to put his big hand around your cheek without comment. "Come on, you will surely like it bunny. "

His hand went deeper and deeper until he came to the edge of your t-shirt, which he pulled over your head after Iwaizumi slowly let go of you. They all stood around you like a hunter who had just caught his prey. Somebody loosened your bra from behind, and you were completely free of the upper body. Matsukawa quickly followed, pulling his turquoise white jersey with the number two over his head to show his well-toned upper body. But your hands were still shaking. Suddenly you were pulled along from behind. That someone turned out to be Oikawa, who sat down on a bench and positioned you with your back against his chest.

Hanamaki, who now crouched down in front of you, slowly took off your shoes and training pants, while Oikawa attacked your neck from behind. Unnoticed, you tilted your neck to give it more space. a slight giggle came from his mouth because he knew he had you. Your legs have now been spread apart after your underpants were also taken off. "Oh, already that wet arent you kitten?" Makki grinned with a knowing grin. The other two men had completely undressed in the meantime and were watching this happen while they lazily stroked their cocks up and down.

Makki's finger crossed your lips, which you feel a slight gasp. But Oikawa noticed it and raised his voice. "Oh our lil cutie, so excited for our cocks aren't you?" Your head shook, but the grip on your chest gave you a jerk. Makki lifted your legs to put them on his shoulders. THAT he was with his face right in front of you. You felt his hot breath against your core. And even though you were totally against this one, your hands ran through Makki's strawberry cake colored hair to get him to finally do something. and he knew what you wanted and started to work your cunt. His tongue wandered everywhere. He practically ate you up. But it was a wonderful feeling as Oikawa's hands wandered over your whole body. Little whimpering could no longer be suppressed. Oikawa's hand wandered until he put it around your neck to squeeze lightly, until he then slipped two of his fingers into your mouth and whispered softly in your ear, "Suck" and as obdiently as you were, you did it, which gave you a simple "Good Girl", but those simple words wandered down into your core, where Makki was just still eating until he looked up at some point, chin smeared, and an amused grin on his face. Oikawa's fingers now slid down to play with your cock lips until they sank into you with a jerk. To your despair you had to groan. It was useless, you should enjoy it. And this change probably all noticed, because your grin grew now. Oikawa's pace grew faster and more hectic until you were just a groaning bunch. And just as your walls spasmed uncontrollably around his fingers and your climax was approaching, until his fingers stopped and slipped out of you.

"O-Oi-Oikawa please" you whimpered. But he just giggled. "Its Tooru my lil bunny. But be a good girl and suck my fingers clean." And so you did. Your tongue swirled around his digits, until all was nice and clean. He got up slowly to get you on your feet, but the only shivering. As soon as you were on your feet you threatened to fall over, but Matsukawa caught you directly to lead you two to the ground. He leaned against a wall while positioning you on his thigh with his hands on your hips. The pressure against your cunt was so good that you couldn't stop grind slowly against his thigh. But you couldn't do it for long, because he held you tight with his iron grip. ,,issei! Please"

" I have something much better, kitten "With that he lifted you to slide you on his not exactly small penis in one go. Damn, not only its length was too much, from the middle it got thicker and thicker, and you didn't think you could manage everything, your hands were already pressing against his chest until you finally got to the base of his cocks. A loud sigh escaped you. But before you could even open your eyes again, he lifted you up again to lead you back down in a train.

And with that this knot of pleasure tore and your climax came with a jolt. Your eyes rolled backwards, a scream left your mouth, your body ran out of strength, and your head rested on Matssun's shoulder. But he was just getting started. He took your buttocks and now moved his hips with incredible speed. "I-Issei- I can't take it anymore please" you whined. "Oh come on, one more baby." And suddenly you felt a second figure appear behind you. Your head turned wearily to look at Makki's face. He positioned himself under your second hole. "Please no more no-" "Aw come on, bunny your gonna feel amazing, just relax alright?" And very slowly you felt how he was advancing, slower than Matssun, but the pain was there anyway. To be completely filled was a strange feeling, but it was still exciting in a way. This time at a slow pace they moved the two in and out. You felt the two next to each other, separated from just one wall. The knot grew again. Completely blown away in ecstasy, you did not notice how someone was standing next to you three until your hand, which until then was still on Issei's shoulder, was placed around a cock. It was the brown-haired wing spiker iwaizumi with a small grin around the corner of his mouth. "Don't mind helping me a little my dear?" Your senses were completely gone, but you tried to drive up and down with slow movements. Swear words and moans escaped him again and again. You looked at him, his lust contorted face, until your face was turned with one hand to the other side. Oikawa looked down at you, and you knew exactly what he wanted. In one go you took him up to your throat. But it wasn't enough, it was still a few centimeters You wanted to take your head back again and start a new attempt, but your head was held tight by Oikawa. While Matssun and Makki kept going out and in, and their thrusts became more and more targeted, you had to choke Oikawa's length. He tried to push the last few centimeters in.

"Come on baby, you can do it. Yeah just like that, FUCK!" his head leaned back while his hands were still in your - now - totally confused hair. ,, Youre doing so fine bunny, next time we will destroy Karasuno a second time, a-and fuck, and next time you should come on time. Alright? "The question was hypothetical because your mouth was still around his cock. Another hard nudge from Makki tightened your throat and Oikawa howled loudly.

" Fuck do that again. " And so you did, because you didnt want to make him angry, not in that position that your in right now. Your head was finally let go. The spit ran from your mouth down to your chin to your bust. "You look so beautiful, our lil cumslut." Matssun growled, while he used a harder and faster pace with Makki. They came closer and closer to their climax, because you felt them twitching inside you. And you too came closer and closer The pressure that Matssun now put on your clit almost bursts your knot. Only a small piece was missing. "Plea-Please, I-Issei, Makki, I wanna cum please!" Did you cry now? You will regret it in retrospect, but you didn't care about anything at the moment, because the climax was within reach. Makki came first, and sank his seeds in a hard thrust in you, and waited a while until he was sure that every mililiter was in you. Now Matssun could lift you up slightly to hammer into you. The knot burst, the tears just ran from your eyes. "Too much, too much" you mumbled, due to the overstimulation. After a short time Issei came deep inside you and also made sure not to waste a mililiter. After Issei pulled herself out of you, you felt so empty. It was embarrassing, what would Dachi Kyooko or even suga say? They would cast you out. You are sleeping here with four of their arch enemies. Especially one of them, they probably all hated. You had never told them what you and Oikawa were too embarrassed about you the whole thing. And now see where you have landed. While you were not only crying from the overstimulation on the cold floor of the locker room and the cum of the two men just ran out of you, two strong arms lifted you up. But he just picked you up while he whispered in your ear: "Oh one round baby, you cant let us two all high and dry hmm?" And with that you were put on Oikawa who looked at you with a big grin. " Please, I cant tak it anymore guys.

But the two ignored your protests and penetrated you at the same time.

"Oh you can, and you will." Oikawa said while he slipped into you. Your whimper could be heard outside but there was definitely nobody there, the games are over and everyone is gone.

Your hands pressed against Oikawa's chest as you continued to protest. "Oika-" But you didn't get far because he muted you with a hard thrust.

"Call me right princess."

"Tooru, please."

,, Good girl, your so brave. come on we make it fast hmm? "

And that's where real hell began. The two went in and out alternately. Building the third orgasm was bad. You felt everything. Every vein of its length penetrating your walls. While you were wondering where they got all their power from, Oikawa pulled you down to share a lovely, almost beautiful kiss with you, but you knew what was behind this facade. The devil himself, with three helpers by his side. his tongue rammed into your mouth and quickly got the more dominant one.

When Iwaizumi also marked your neck, you had to groan again. The grip of iwaizumi on your hip got tighter, and you are sure that it would leave its mark tomorrow. After they both broke up, their pace picked up again. However, when Oikawa briefly repositioned himself a little, he hit exactly this point with the next hit, the point that got you around every time, and made you see stars. Of course, Oikawa noticed this immediately and rammed into it with all his strength.

a loud fuck escaped you while you felt the two getting closer and closer. Their lengths twitched in you. Your climax was probably not far away either, but you weren't really excited about it. He will rob your last strength that was left to you. "Fuck your so tight-" Oikawa hissed now, until you felt the final snap and the load he send inside of you.

And right after Iwas fast snap of his hips your knot of lust loosened and pelted down on you twisted, your strength that somehow left you on top went from you and with that you hit oikawa's shoulder. Your arms and legs were shaking, and you only felt Iwa pulling out of you. He must have come too. Your senses are like Blown away, you only felt the cold ground below you after Oikawa got up. You should also walk slowly, you didn't want to be around this monster any more, but your legs were shaking, so you read yourself on the bench fall, cum slowely dripping out of you. ,, Princess get these on, you don't want our gift to be lost. " He threw your underpants at you, but you'd rather wash yourself. He noticed your reluctance and raised his voice. ,,Now" With trembling hands you put on all your clothes, but Oikawa didn't throw you your top but his white turquoise jersey with the number 1.

,, uhm, Tooru, you gave me your top. "

He just laughed. ,, Of course honey, everybody should see who you belong to. Since you knew that there would be no point in protesting, you put on the slightly too large jersey.

"Oh you look adoreable!" But you just felt how all the cum flowed out of you. He put an arm around you to leave the lockeroom with you. The others are probably already before. But when you got closer to your team , they looked angrily at the one standing next to you, then at the all-too-familiar top what you were wearing.

,,Sorry people i spilled water on my top and then slipped. Luckily Oi- "you noticed the slight pressure on your hip, a sign." Tooru there. " you looked up at him with your eyes until he spoke.

"Oh yeah, your little manager chan is very clumsy, better take care of her." As he turned to leave, he whispered in your ear without anyone seeing, "Next time, you will come twice as much princess . We will not lose. " And with that he disappeared, leaving you alone with the team, while thousands of thoughts buzzed through your head about how you could escape him.

[ray-jaykub]

Helloo, wondering if you got any smutty requests, if not could you do a Raphael x read/oc/ whoever. Its been a few dates and they haven't run away, they invite him upstairs and things just continue on from there Maybe?

I'm so sorry this took so long, ive just been tired and im usually better at this and im sorry its so rushed :(

Warning: 18+ smut 

Recently Raphael had just got in a relationship, that despite his doubt had been going quite well. She was a friend of April's and when they were found out she seemed unafraid. Y/n was brave, and when put to the challenge of dealing with him and his three brothers, she dance around the problems with grace.

When michelangelo broke that pretty teapot she didn't shout at him or fuss. She smiled and told the boy she'd get a new one. Y/n would listen to Donatello ramble on and on no matter the subject, she'd make him feel understood. Leonardo would get controlling and she'd be patient and calm with him, wanting to listen. But with Raphael... you treated him like a whole other subject. The way you would hold his shoulder in comfort and it would linger. How you looked at him from across a room or spoke to him on a deeper level of connection. Anytime he was near or with you it was like a whole part of him had returned and fit perfectly in his side. The being together was easy. The talking and holding and just being was easy. The hard part was when you weren't together. Raphael never doubted your love, not in a million years, but the people out there that could whisk you away. The people who could give you a normal life and normal sex. Oh that was a fantasy. He'd lay at night just dreaming of you and your soft skin. Trying to mimick that sweet voice of yours in his mind and just wishing to feel you. Raphael could recount every single time you told him he couldn't come in your room. Every single time you told him you weren't ready. It hurt the first few times but with a better knowledge he understood. Now he sat here on your couch back in the present. Raphael had been in deep thought till your soft voice drew him out. "You ok?" He turned to look at you, the living room lamp making it cozy. You laid strewn out in pajamas with your hair still damp from the shower and feet propped on his thigh. A worried look adorned your features. "Yeah, just thinking," he was quite for a second wondering if what he wanted to say would be worth it. Raph felt a smooth hand on his shoulder and saw that you sat up to be closer. "Do you ever think about being with someone else?" Now you really looked confused. Going to hold his arm with both of your own and leave a warm kiss on his cheek. "No, because I'm with you. You make me happy." You sweetly smiled and your face held no lie for him to find but it didn't feel enough. Raphael stood and looked down at you. "How can you be happy with me? I can't take you anywhere, I can't give you nice things like dinner and dates," he turned to the window staring down at the streets. "I can't love you like any normal human..." he heard you shift on the couch behind him. "What do you mean love me normal?" You whispered. Like someone else was walking around in the house and you didn't want them eavesdropping. When he looked back he saw you were halfway off the couch, your eyebrows furrowed. "I mean... that I'm not exactly what every girl looks for in their magazines." Raphael had to lower his voice to control the distressed churr in his throat. You came to stand beside him and grabbed his hand. He took a deep breath as you both stared at the cars stuck in traffic, the lights shining against the many windows of Manhattan. You pulled at his hand to look at you. He saw something flickering in your eye, a determination he hadn't seen since you'd stare after eachother. It was a look of promise. "Let's go to my room." He had barely heard it but you pulling him had confirmed. Raphael was silent as you opened your door and sat him on your bed. All around him smelled like you, like the you he inhales everytime he holds you. Quietly the door was shut and you stood in between his legs, arms wrapped around his neck. Everything was at a standstill, the only sound being your light breathing. "Raphael, I love you," you went to kiss his left eyelid, "and I don't care about dinners..." the right eyelid, "or dates..." his lip scar. "I just care about being with you and holding you." You finally kissed him, warm and gentle. Ten times sweeter then any kiss you had given him before. Instead of pulling back though, you went to deepen this kiss, biting on his lip. Your hands wandered over his shoulders and arms. His were on your waist and one in your wet hair, holding you against him. Raphael quickly opened his mouth to say something but you twisted your tounge with his and all he could do was groan. He realized that things were heading in a more erotic direction. How your breasts pressed against his plastron and how you tugged on his mask. You were drinking eachother in. Addicted to this wonderful taste. He couldn't take it anymore, gripping your hips and rolling you under him. His big hands went under your shirt and tugged down the cups of your bra. You had worked your hands down to his belt buckle, clumsy with your efforts. Raphael stood to take his shoes, armor and belt off. As soon as your pajama bottoms came off he nearly lost it. The jet black panties that clung to your ass in such a delicious way. You crawled till your back hit the headboard and gave him a look of need. Raph quickly followed, giving you another heated kiss as his hands palmed your ass. He couldn't believe he was finally able to lay with you, to feel the skin he's dreamed about for so long underneath him. To hear those high pitched whimpers in his ear and to feel you grind up on his hard on. Raph went to kiss down her neck while his hands groped your scalp and breast. "Fuck baby, I can't wait anymore." He stood on his knees and churred at the sight. Your hair was a curled mess and your shirt was crumpled. Raph could smell your arousal and that only turned him on more. He yanked your panties down and rubbed the inside of your thighs to coax you open. All the while you were panting and begging for him. This was all he ever wanted. A beautiful woman who wanted him and now he has it. He rubbed his thumb through your folds and started to circle your swollen clit. Biting his lip, he took his forefinger and circled your entrance, slowly stretching you out with his massive hand. You were bucking into his hand now, begging for him to let you cum. Raphael pulled his briefs down and grabbed his cock, pumping himself as he pleased you. He felt your silk walls tighten around his finger and your thighs shaked. Before you could reach your climax though he pulled away from you. The bed creaked under his weight as he bent down to give you another open mouthed kiss, the bulbous head of his dick fitting snuggly into your cunt. You moaned into his mouth and finally he hilted inside your soaking core. Raphael kissed your shoulders and collar bone, trying to calm himself down. It took you tugging at the tails of his mask to get him moving. The first thrust had both of you grasping for eachother. "Shit! R-raph god!" You clinched your eyes shut and you wrapped your legs around his feet. His thrusts were sharp and short, Raph's hips smacking against your ass. The heat pooled in his stomach fast and his thrust became staggered. Raphael knew he was about to finish, your were close too. Your eyes were unfocused and your head lolled back. He quickened his pace and felt your juices gush down his lap. You gripped the sheets and your mouth opened in a silent scream. You practically milked him as he came. He gripped your hips and kept you against him, grunting as he spilled into you. Raphael pulled out and went to lay beside you as you caught your breath. Turning to your side you tiredly smiled. "I love you." He smiled back, grabbing your hand in his.

[prompt-master]

Whisked Away

Everyone was getting settled for bed at the moment. They hadn't managed to find a proper safe shelter, instead they found an overpass to sleep under. While the rest of the survivors were cleaning and setting up their shelter to be as safe and homely as possible, Byakuya was doing one last survey of their surroundings to make sure everyone would be safe. If an emergency broke out they could always try and get Syo out, but why even risk what can be avoided? Not only that but… 

Makoto had been sick lately. It had started with a small fever that Kyoko theorized was just his exhaustion catching up to him. But even after being able to rest often the fever only grew. Her theory changed, now she thought that there was a possibility of infection from the dumpster that she'd missed in the heat of the moment. The logistics didn't matter much to Byakuya though, the damage had already been done and soon they had to carry a feverish and concussed Makoto wherever they went.  

Byakuya a few weeks ago was still able to keep up the show that he wasn't bothered by the ailment, but now it was hard to keep his worry at bay. Not when Makoto's fever had started to cause him to be delirious.

Byakuya pulled himself from his thoughts, after seeing no sign of danger whatsoever he decided to bring himself back to their shelter. He'd managed to find some more food, and even a little manga he thought Hagakure would enjoy.  At least his venture wasn't for nothing. 

He stepped under the overpass, seeing everyone hunched over. That was strange. He was expecting them to be settling down by now. Then again, these commoners had quite possibly the strangest behavior he'd ever seen. Maybe this was how plebeians talked to each other. 

He opted to ask a question that had been on his mind, "How is he?" 

He expected the answer to be the same as always. "Not better". But instead he was greeted by Kyoko lifting her head and meeting his gaze with one of….

Pure worry. 

Byakuya nearly stepped back at such an open display of emotion. "What's wrong?" 

There was a pause. Now that he noticed everyone looked scared or worried. Yasuhiro was going through their supplies while a pot of water boiled over the fire. 

"Answer me, dammit, what's the problem?"

"Naegi hasn't stopped throwing up." 

What? 

"What? What do you mean?" 

"He-h-he can't hold anything down" Aoi sniffled, her shoulders were shaking in worry but he could tell she was trying to stay strong. "He's been throwing up the entire time you were g-gone…"

"But that would be…" 

Toko was fidgeting badly, looking like she wanted to curl into a ball as her hands pulled and tugged harshly at every joint one by one, "h-h-h-he...h-he threw up w-water too…" 

Byakuya felt cold. 

"That can't be allowed right now!" 

"We know Togamichi! But he can't keep ANYTHING down we've tried even just a few sips and nothing works!" 

He allowed himself to pace inward to be a part of the group. So he could finally get a good view of everything. He could see Makoto lying propped up against a large chunk of broken car, and he looked...awful. His face was scrunched up, the ordeal of constant throwing up had made his stomach and body burn. His face was free of all color, making his fever stand out strong. He was trembling badly, so badly it looked like an unnatural jitter. Kyoko was kneeling in front of him with a hand on his face, trying to keep his head up. Every time she tried to pull her hand back his head wobbled forward or to the sides, unable to muster up the energy to do it himself. His breathing sounded almost wheezy from how out of breath he was. Each breath was sharp and thin. 

 "Naegi" Byakuya spoke before he could stop himself, "can you hear me?" 

No response. 

Kyoko shook her head, "I think all the sudden vomiting put a minor shock on his system. He's been in and out of an unresponsive state." 

Shit. 

"What do we do?" 

The worry in her eyes was suffocating. Byakuya felt as though he was standing in a dry sauna, water bleeding out of the air and leaving nothing but cracked skin and an uncomfortable feeling in his chest.

"He needs to be hydrated." Byakuya found himself saying without really thinking.

Kyoko had a hand over Makoto's chest, feeling the racing pace it had taken. It felt like it could give out any second now. "We can't. He won't keep it down. If we had an IV maybe but…" Kyoko took a shaky deep breath,  "we need to lower the fever."

Byakuya kneeled down by the two, now even closer he could see the lack of sweat on Makoto's face. Painfully dry. Painfully hot. "Take off his hoodie."

She nodded, beginning to pull the zipper. Byakuya put his hand to Makoto's neck. He wanted to hiss and pull away. That sort of heat….Makoto's brain had to be bubbling up crudely at such high temperatures. Soon all that would be left would be a charred black sludge. He could feel the rapid pace of his heart beat, without even trying to find his pulse point. Yet for all the speedy thumping it had there was hardly any pressure in the beats. His heart barely had anything to give. 

"Naegi" he said, as Kyoko finished stripping off the rest of his hoodie. "Naegi you need to wake up right this instant." 

Nothing. His mouth was slightly parted. And strangely enough his eyes seemed to be active behind his eyelids. Fluttering around irregularly. It...startled Byakuya in ways he didn't want to admit. 

He heard a snotty sobbing cry, oh...that's right the others are. He had completely forgotten. Aoi's cries were choked, "i-is he going to die!?" she had said between hiccups, but no one had an answer for her. Or rather...they had their suspicions, but not the will to voice the possibility. 

A strange burnt leathery material was placed onto Makoto's head. Wait...no...that was skin. The ruined hands of Kirigiri Kyoko. Byakuya looked up at her, hoping to ask with his eyes only. For Kyoko to take off her gloves so suddenly..

"My hands are always a low temperature" she said, her bottom lip wavered, "the damage is so bad that they are never a human temperature...I thought that maybe it would help…" 

Makoto's eyes fluttered again. The whites of his eyes flickered between the eyelids until his pupils rolled down into the picture. The fluttering of his eyelids didn't stop, but now he seemed to be drifting his attention around. Byakuya's own heart was rabbit paced as he wondered if Makoto could even see anything. 

Kyoko's voice cracked, "Is he responsive?"

Byakuya shifted the hand still cradled in the crook of Makoto's neck. He lifted his head up slightly, watching as Makoto went from staring behind him to staring directly at him. 

"......n…..nmm…"

Makoto felt like someone was jamming a burning piece of metal into his stomach. The pain was so twisting and seering that he couldn’t even bear to cry. He could do nothing but experience the strange flashes of hot and cold, unable to move with the dried up pain inside of him. He may have not been able to move, but the pain in his stomach was well alive. It was a wiggling squirming thing that you could never get used to. It was like a worm that travelled too far into the street after rainfall. A lost and helpless little thing, rolling around until the soles of a shoe grinded down without a passing thought. No...that was too merciful. This pain was much slower, it was more like a worm caught by a fisherman. His stomach was a worm gutted for bait by a child, held at end to end and pulled until the center flesh tore. Hardly even usable after death, left down onto the table until brown sludge gushed from its slimy husk of a body with the slightest bit of pressure. How he wished he could cry. 

Maybe if he could manage to fall back unconscious he wouldn’t have to feel the twisting of the fisherman’s knife tearing into him. Maybe if he closed his eyes he wouldn’t see her hands shaking over the hilt as he lay limp in the shower. He could never forget how she looked at him, her eyes an untold madness of fury and fear. He couldn't handle it, he had to pry his eyes away. He could barely see past the fluttering of his eyelids as he tried to look up at the sky. That dull red peeking behind blackened clouds. It was supposed to be a reminder of the world’s state, but looking at it right now it almost seemed like Heaven. It felt like someone could reach her hand out and whisk him away to a better world. It was the polar opposite to the complete suffering he couldn’t escape. Was all this pain he felt what she felt? Is that why this was happening to him? If he could bear the burden of her death...would he get to feel peace? And then...well then he would get to see all his friends again, right? That made sense. It had to make sense. The sky was so close, such a comforting red. 

Makoto lifted his hand - how long had that been there? He’d completely forgotten - and tried to reach for Sayaka’s hand. For everyone’s hand. Instead of a warm embrace something rippled and cold wrapped around his palm. What was that? It held his hand with a gentle cradle, he could let his arm go loose and let it do the work for him. He trusted this strange embrace, but it wasn’t the one he’d expected.

“M’zno?” Why was the world made of spirals? He felt sick. 

“...No Naegi, it’s not Maizono. It’s Kirigiri, do you remember where you are?”

“...Hi Kiri”

“Hello Naegi.”

“This is a waste of time, what good is this doing?”

“Shush, he’s barely even aware.”

“Indulging his delirium will not make his fever go down.”

“I know that.”

Byakuya crossed his arms as if that would somehow protect him from his uselessness. He refused to accept this. They couldn't just watch. They were no longer those same trapped students helpless to the horrors around them. They could do something now. He just...needed to figure out what. 

“Hi T’gmi” his voice was cracked and soft from the lack of moisture. It must have been torture, not even being able to swallow anymore. Despite that, he still sounded happy to recognize one of his good friends. 

“.....tch, Hello Naegi.”

He didn’t like how Kyoko looked. Holding his outstretched hand with a calm, solemn expression. Kneeling by his side without the rush of adrenaline all the other survivors had. It was the look of someone who had already given up. 

“Do something.” Byakuya hissed. Kyoko didn’t move. “He needs help.”

“He needs comfort,” Kyoko whispered, “he needs rest,” Sayaka said. 

Kyoko tried to lay Makoto down more comfortably, using his balled up hoodie as a makeshift pillow. She smoothed his hair out of his face. If she would lose him soon then at least she got to touch him with her bare hands before he went. He was still looking up at the sky, fingers just barely flexing like he was trying to take hold. She squeezed his hand, heart aching at how little he seemed to recognize. 

“Kirigiri-”

“I just want to be by his side.” she said, “if he doesn't make it...I want to at least be there for him.”

“So you’re giving up.”

She rubbed her thumb in circles on the back on Makoto’s hand as he whimpered miserably, “No, but I don’t want him to be alone either.”

Byakuya turned to the others, barking out orders to search again for something - anything - that could help. Painkillers, fever reducers, survivors, cold clean water. He needed them to search every nook and cranny of this god forsaken world. His last moments spent with Makoto would not be like this. 

Kyoko squeezed his hand again, “Naegi, if you can hear me, can you please squeeze back?”

It was weak...but the fingers curled up. 

She smiled, “Good. You’re doing a great job. One squeeze for yes, two for no ok?” 

One squeeze, he still looked at the sky. Sayaka watched him, but she said nothing. Why didn’t she look happy to see him?

“Are you in pain?”

One squeeze. That was exactly why he wanted Sayaka to whisk him away. This was the moment he’d been waiting for. He’d been dealing with the retribution of allowing her murder to happen this entire time, surely she would take him with her?

“Ask him if he can talk.” 

Two squeezes. Sayaka didn’t look angry. She didn’t look scared. So why had she pulled her hand away, why was she looking at Kyoko instead? Why did she look so sad?

“Is this ok?” Kyoko asked, pressing a kiss to his hand. It wasn’t much, but he seemed more relaxed now. And any bit of comfort right now was worth the world to her. Byakuya came back and held Makoto’s other, dismissively staring at the ground. “...Does this really help?” he asked.

Makoto gave one squeeze to both questions. He felt exhausted through his pain, his energy seeping away with each and every breath. It was nice, he had to admit, to know that whether he died or not he wouldn't do it alone. He somehow felt safer, even when he was so unsure about his own fate. He would fall back into an unresponsive state soon, having to trust his friends to take care of them as well as they had been. Something about the way Sayaka looked at him made him feel the slightest glimmer of hope again. Maybe instead...maybe it would be Kyoko and Byakuya who would whisk him away. 

[aphroditestummyrolls]

Tagged by: @rhubarbdreams @cactusdragon517 @morallygreywaren and @ceraunos (I’m so sorry this took so long! Thank you for thinking of me, it is so flattering <3)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

This was SO FUN. It was so nice to go through my old stories... I’m really proud of my writing. That’s something I never thought I’d say, and it’s something I’ve decided I’m going to do unabashedly from now on. <3 Happy almost April, everyone! 

Gaining Heart (Spartacus) 

The days following the defeat of Glaber had been a flurry of activity.

Agron found himself not only leading on field of battle, but leading organization and defensive strategy. Those fucking Romans had moved into the temple as if it was their own home, claiming all that they saw— but they had also brought much of their own. Food, wine, supplies— it was a gift from the fucking gods, and needed proper inventory.

Agron knew not how to do that. Nasir and Naevia were invaluable, cleaning each chamber of any evidence of battle, cataloguing lists and categorizing everything from barrels of grain to rolls of bandages.

Tangles and Roots (The Old Guard)

He was covering Andy.

The hangar was dark, shadowed by the last of the night while dawn crept up over the skyline outside. The plane was set to land any minute now, and Nicky’s eyes flicked from corner to corner, finger on the trigger of his gun and his jaw grinding hard. He could swear he saw shapes moving along the roof— the banks of high windows above them left eerie patches of weak blue light, flickering with little flashes of darkness.

It was probably just birds. He was out of practice— they had done nothing but sit around in the six months since Merrick, trying to heal the deep wounds left in their minds… and bodies, in Andy’s case.

Nicky swallowed, stepping that much closer to his friend’s side as they took their places in the shadows.

Still Awake? (The Old Guard)

He pretended to sleep. His eyes were closed, and his muscles were stiff, tying themselves into knots where he laid in his cot between Andy’s empty bedroll and Joe and Nicky’s snuggled up bodies. Booker refused to be comfortable— he refused to rest. The day had been rough, and the fighting had left a bone deep ache inside him, even while the physical wounds had healed.

All the Time in the World (The Old Guard) 

The first time Nicolo and Yusuf bathed together, it was by the river— he wasn’t sure which river. It had probably changed names and countries a hundred times by now. All he remembered was that, by the time they heard the steady rush of water and cleared the brush and trees to the bank, he was half mad with annoyance.

If that man made one more grumbled complaint— one more clearly telegraphed grimace— about the supposed smell of him, Nicoló might have to break their truce and run the bastard through.

Kissed by an Angel (The Old Guard)

Nicky felt his lips flicker into a private smile, setting the pot on the stove to simmer and turning to look out the window into the garden. Joe’s garden.

He was humming to himself— Nicky couldn’t quite hear it, but he could tell by the set of the other man’s jaw under his beard and the purse of his lips as he concentrated. The weeds wouldn’t rip themselves, the overgrown shrubs wouldn’t miraculously be already pruned and waiting for them.

They were finally back in Valletta. Finally home.

Patron Saint of Satisfaction (The Old Guard)

It had been a long, long few weeks.

Joe’s shoulders were tense and knotted, and his whole body still ached from the train ride he and Nicky had taken all that day. There was a stifling, choked sensation in his gut that would rise in waves, up his throat to the tip of his tongue until he was ready to scream. The whole way to their safehouse, he brushed shoulders with his lover— practically leaning on him— and let himself take refuge in the feeling of Nicky’s warm hand entwining their fingers.

Waking Dreams (The Old Guard)

At first, they could’ve been anywhere for all Joe knew.

There was nothing in the world but Nicky— his scent, his body, his quiet sleeping breaths. Joe felt himself hover on the edge of sleep and wakefulness, the familiar thrum of pleasure making up the backdrop of his thoughts.

He nuzzled into his Nico’s neck, pressing sloppy, half asleep kisses to the back of his neck.

Here There Be Monsters (The Old Guard) 

The morning had been blustery and hot. The scent of ozone made the sea air thick as it blew through his hair where they all stood, crowded around the lower deck. They all squinted against the bright sunshine, but Joe knew better than to trust the blue sky.

”If I’m getting in, I’ve gotta do it soon—“ he spoke up, cutting into some conversation that he hadn’t been listening to, “There’s a storm coming in from the East.”

Nile— still so young, so far from the American Midwest, and in her first field season— raised an eyebrow at him from behind her sunglasses.

He smiled at her bemused look, shooting his gaze over to Andy. Andy smirked, huffing a laugh. “If anybody knows, Joe knows.”

In Loving Memory (The Old Guard)

The wind whipped up off the water, cold and salty despite the way the sun beat down on them. It was alright, honestly— refreshing after all those stuffy hours in the car.

These immortals were highly resistant to normal modes of transport. Like a plane— a real passenger plane, not a Russian cargo plane full of drugs. It was all cars and boats and trains, low to the ground, literally under the radar.

Nile understood why. She didn’t want to end up strapped down to a lab table like the one they escaped all those months ago. She’d just rather take a nice plane from the closest airport to Provence and get to Valletta in a matter of hours, rather than drive through three countries and all the way down the Italian boot, just to bribe a fishing boat.

Feed My Soul (The Old Guard) 

Malta looked good on Nicolò.

Joe leaned on the railing of their balcony, looking down into their old, old walled garden where his Nico shuffled around in the herbs. He was looking for something particular, the bridge of his nose scrunching as he peered at the mess of overgrown pots.

Joe beamed, the familiar, all-encompassing warmth of loving that man filling him up and making him feel expansive and bright. There was a cathedral ceiling in his chest, airy and golden with the light of dawn through its tall, jeweled windows. There was a house of worship where his heart should be, and he traced the lines of the other man’s body like he was devoting a painting to him.

Sono Qui (The Old Guard)

Andy left Booker on the beach.

She felt his gaze follow her, but couldn’t bring herself to look back.

It wasn’t as if they had never separated before— as if the four of them had been constantly attached from the time they finally found the Frenchman, even after months and months of dreaming and searching. There were plenty of times where they spent months, or sometimes years apart. They took breaks from each other, they traveled. Just a year ago, Andy had declared that she needed a break— was that last year of being alone the thing that led Booker to betray them? Maybe they should’ve stayed together. She never should have left him. She understood how it felt to be alone in the world… to lose someone so precious that life loses its color.

Andy had left Booker plenty of times. It wasn’t something she liked to think about now, but she had… She had assumed he was handling it like her. Somber and drunk, wishing for some type of release. They’d talked about it enough times. But not like this.

Brother of My Heart  (The Old Guard)

Joe clenched his hands on the steering wheel, flexing his fingers to feel the stretch in the tendons, even though any injuries from the fighting had long since healed.

While driving away from the ruins of Merrick’s car, the adrenaline was still rushing in his veins, and all his self control was devoted to staying reasonably within the speed limit. The last thing they needed was to get stopped by some bobby cop while covered in blood and dust, with a bullet through Andy’s stomach.

Right now, they needed to blend in. So, Joe didn’t press the gas pedal into the floor.

Care and Feeding (The Old Guard) 

Nile couldn’t ever remember liking the cold.

Even at home in Chicago. Sure, her memories of warm Christmas masses, bright lights on the tree, and gently falling snow outside the kitchen window made her throat dry with that familiar, wistful grief. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to seeing pine trees or twinkle lights without thinking of her mom’s mac n cheese, or how early her brother would wake her up on Christmas morning.

But loving Christmas, and loving snow? Those were two completely different things.

Going Underground (Star Wars) 

Poe wasn’t sure what it was like when they broke through the atmosphere into Yavin IV. He didn’t watch through the Falcon’s wide front window as the familiar jungles passed by in a blur of green underneath them, and he couldn’t pick out the roof of home from the surrounding grasses as they came in for a landing.

The first thing he saw as he came to, bleary and aching, was Finn. They’d fallen asleep right where they were, pressed shoulder to shoulder at the holochess table, Poe’s head on Finn’s shoulder. It took him a sluggish moment to recall why his hand had its own throbbing pulse, and why Finn’s soft, dark skin was pockmarked with strange cuts, glistening with bacta.

The second thing he saw, swallowing against the rush of memories filling his fuzzy mind, must have been a hallucination.

STAR WARS VIII: The Battle of the Force (Star Wars) 

“General, I don’t know how much longer we can hold ‘em off—”

Poe’s voice crackled from the shoddy reception, nearly engulfed by the constant bombardment in the background.

“Commander, the Resistance depends on taking down this dreadnought.” Leia kept her voice steady and strong “Stand your ground.”

Beyond What We Can See (Star Wars) 

If he was being honest with himself, he supposed that he’d been feeling the Force his whole life. He’d always just brushed it off as basic intuition— he thought everybody felt this way. It wasn’t until he started seeing the way the Force was treated in the First Order—as a myth, a fearful, distant thing—that he realized how much he needed to keep his head down. Even though he only felt it in small ways, he was different. He buried the feelings, tried to ignore the nagging dread that said that he didn’t belong there in his platoon. That none of them did.

But that wasn’t something he was allowed to feel. The Force wasn’t supposed to be something any of the troops knew firsthand.

Like She Always Did (Star Wars) 

The first time she left was barely a memory. More of a dream. He didn’t remember the fight they had, but he knew in hindsight that they must’ve had it for much longer than the tail end that he saw. Maybe it was what got his little feet out of bed in the first place. Daddy’s eyes were rimmed with red and Mama was pacing out her anger into the sitting room rug. Poe’s eyes were wide as he watched from the threshold to the hall, his little hand gripping onto the pillow that he’d tugged along with him from his room.

Love Will Help You Heal (Star Wars) 

Every inch of him throbbed, the last dregs of whatever the interrogation droid had injected him with still pumping through his bloodstream. He was so tired. How long had it even been? Getting captured on Jakku felt like a hazy dream, as if it was weeks ago.

No one was coming for him. He knew that much—he’d probably be mad if they endangered the resources to try—but he couldn’t help but wish anyway. Death seemed so close, like a cold hand on his shoulder, by his side in the recirculated air of the Star Destroyer.

He wished they’d just hurry up. His drug-addled, sleep deprived mind didn’t know if he was asking for rescue or death. Maybe they were the same thing now.

Dying a martyr. At least it suited the image—Poe Dameron, Poster Boy of the Resistance.

Ghosts of Future and Past (MCU/Captain America) 

His head was throbbing. His back ached. Everything in him pulsed with agony like he’d been hit by a train.

A train. Bucky.

“Bucky is alive.” 

He could feel the winter cold at the memory, his eyes snapping open as the past few moments came flooding back to him.

There had been another Steve. Even without the mask, he’d looked just like him. It must have been Loki playing tricks again, it had to be.

Sweet as Honey, Gold Like the Sun (Stranger Things) 

Steve was drifting after high school graduation. He drifted right out of the halls of Hawkins High and into a desk job at his dad’s office. If he was being honest, he’d been drifting since the Gate closed— maybe even since Nancy broke it off.

He wasn’t mad. She was his best friend. He and Jonathan were even friends now. No, he hadn’t been mad for a long time— but he was lost. The kids were going to high school. Dustin would be getting his license one of these days, and Steve’s last function to his little gaggle of brats would become all but useless.

The idea of not serving a purpose left the bitter tang of anxiety in his throat. Once the kids didn’t need him— and Joyce and Hopper and even Nancy— Steve would be left behind. Again.

Okay... Some of these may have been more than just what is considered “Opening Lines”, but I can’t just leave something feeling unfinished, and I’m a little tipsy, which means I am bending the rules <3

**EDIT** i forgot to look for patterns and pick my favorite! I mean, I think all storytelling/creative expression (anything from developing a recipe to composing a painting to writing a story) follows a distinct formula. And the best way to establish the story is by starting it with the most important element front and center— I almost always start with my main character. A thought or a feeling, a situation or a sensation. They’re the focal point from which everything ripples out. Those first ripples (the 2nd, 3rd or 4th lines) are usually about building the setting. It’s an equation that works so well for me, and though I sometimes shake it up by adding immediate dialogue or flipping the positions of setting and main character, it has served me well ❤️ i think my favorite has to be Brother of My Heart. It’s the first really, immediately big story Ive ever had. So many comments, so much warmth, so many kind people— it grew my confidence and helped me make friends. It reminds me of how truly wonderful fandom can be, even just with the first few lines.

I’m going to continue to bend the rules by not tagging anyone immediately-- it’s giving me weird anxiety levels, so I’m gonna wait and do it later maybe. If, in the meantime, you see this and want to do it, write me down as the one who tagged you! <3 Feel frrrreeeeeeee! 

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Non-Sequential [Ch. 9]

Pairing: Pre-Serum Steve Rogers/Steve Rogers x Reader

One night, Steve Rogers met a beautiful dame named Y/N. He hadn’t intended on letting her get away. But fate had other ideas. Y/N appeared and disappeared in his life so hauntingly that Steve started to wonder if she was an angel meant to watch over him.

Word Count: 2,500

A/N: Inspired by the film The Time Traveler’s Wife. But not one of those fics that just literally rips off the whole movie and plugs in characters where they please.

Chapter 8

“Y/N! Y/N, look at me!” Steve urged as he practically ran her to the medical wing of the compound. He knew the jarring that came with his rush was probably causing her more pain, but he had to get her to a doctor as soon as possible.

Her eyes fluttered open.

“You gotta stay with me, OK?” Steve practically begged.

She just nodded, failing to fight off a wince as her wound sent another wave of pain through her entire body.

Steve looked down at her seeping blood. Y/N wasn’t a superhero. She hadn’t made the decision to risk her own life, to take the injuries without complaint. She was just a civilian. She never asked for this life.

He shoved his way through the swinging doors of the medical wing. Suddenly a team of doctors came swarming over to him, asking him a million questions.

“I-I don’t know what happened. She just appeared back in the present with a bullet to her abdomen,” Steve tried to answer in his captain voice that the medical team was used to hearing. 

No matter how bad his or his teammates injuries were, Captain America kept it together.

But this was Y/N, his best girl. Captain America was nowhere to be found. This was just Steve seeing his girlfriend dying in his arms.

They had taken Y/N from his grip and lightly placed her on a gurney, instantly pushing her away from him.

Steve took a step to follow, but was stopped by a grip on his shoulders.

He looked over, ready to break the wrist of someone that tried to keep him away from Y/N.

When did Tony get here?

“I know you want nothing more than to stay with her, but you gotta let them do their job, Steve.”

Tony’s mature and serious tone actually made Steve feel worse. It was unlike his friend. Tony should’ve been making jokes and not taking anything seriously, like he always did. So his seriousness only panicked Steve more.

Steve put his hands on his waist and kept shifting his weight.

It was making Tony anxious. He’d never seen him like this before. “Tony, if she…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence.  

Tony gripped his shoulder. “Hey,” his voice was stern. “Hey, look at me, Cap.” Steve finally did as he asked. “Those are the best doctors in the world in there. They know they’re working on precious cargo. So, they’re going to do everything they can. You got it?”

Tony waited.

Steve nodded.

“So, what I need you to do is keep it together. Because Captain America causing scene isn’t gonna help your girl, OK?”

Steve nodded again and held back the tears that were threatening to fall. ———————————

Steve was sitting on the floor of the hallway when he heard footsteps jogging toward him. He slowly looked up to find that it was Sam.

“I came as soon as I heard,” Sam told him while he was out of breath.

“She just got out of surgery,” Steve told him evenly. “They won’t let me see her.”

Sam’s brow furrowed and he frowned angrily. “Why the hell not?”

“They think me being close to her might make her time travel. And if she does, she won’t survive it.” Steve’s tone had never sounded so numb.

Sam’s heart broke. He could only imagine how Steve felt after hearing the doctors tell them such a theory. And to Sam, it felt lazy and lacked research.

Sam slowly slid down the wall so he was sitting on the cold floor alongside Steve.

“Doesn’t make much sense, does it?” Sam thought aloud. “If she only travels to when and where you are, clearly her powers just want you. So, if anything, being with her will just make her stay in the here and now.”

Steve didn’t say anything.

A few moments of silence passed.

“I’ll distract the doctors and nurses, you sneak inside?” Sam asked.

Steve nodded quickly before shooting to his feet.

———————————

Steve sat next to Y/N’s bed, not feeling close enough unless his legs were touching her bed.

The doctors had finally let him sit in her room after finding that he had snuck in, and then both Tony and Sam had a yelling match with the medical team.

Steve had been reading one of Y/N’s favorite books to her, quietly.

It had been days since her surgery and she had yet to wake up. The doctors said Y/N was lucky that the bullet hadn’t hit any major organs, only skimming her large intestine. They kept talking about how much of a miracle it was. But Steve could only think about how Y/N never should’ve been shot in the first place – there was nothing miraculous about it.

“Is this what the patients feel like on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’? Just constantly waking up to hot doctors?” Y/N mumbled next to him.

Steve dropped the book to the floor and leaned forward. “You’re awake,” he breathed.

“Or I’m in heaven,” she smirked at him.

But Steve found no amusement. There seemed to be a permanent crease in his brow and his lips formed a completely straight light.

“Are you in any pain?” He asked her seriously.

She shook her head. “They must’ve given me the good stuff.”

Steve just watched her for a moment, taking in her face and her eyes that were open and awake for the first time in days. There were moments in those few days where Steve wasn’t sure if he’d ever see them alive again.

“Y/N,” he whispered. “What happened?”

She sighed, knowing that Steve wouldn’t rest until he knew the whole story. The problem was that she also knew how he was going to react when her learned when and where she’d been taken by her powers.

Her gaze lowered, looking down at her lap as her fingers fidgeted.

“I was at the Battle of DC.”

“What?” Steve shot back without helping it.

“One second, I was sleeping in bed with you, the next I was on one of the hellicarriers with people screaming and shooting around me.”

Steve was quiet. But the clenching of his jaw and grinding of his teeth told Y/N he was anything but calm.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Y/N finally looked at him with a narrow gaze.

Steve scoffed, “Is that so?”

“Yeah,” she sassed back. “I know that you think that this is all somehow your fault. That I wouldn’t have gotten shot if it weren’t for you being a part of my life.”

“Yeah, seeing as you were only brought there because of me, Y/N. Because I love you.”

“For once in your god damn life, can you not act like everything is your fucking fault, Steve?”

He went quiet again.

“It won’t work,” Y/N stated.

He narrowed his eyes in question.

“So don’t you dare try it, Steven Grant Rogers.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbled.

She sat up, trying to hide her wince from the pain the movement caused. “Listen here, I’ve seen enough movies and TV shows to know how this goes. Guy sees his girl as a damsel in distress, all because she’s dating him. Guy leaves girl because he thinks it’ll keep her safe. Guy pushes her away. And guy breaks both their hearts in the process.”

Steve had nothing to say for himself. His eyes refused to meet her accusatory gaze.

“You should watch Twilight. That shit-hole of a movie will prove how terrible it would end for us,” Y/N teased lightheartedly.

He finally shook his head and huffed out a laugh, “You’re nursing a gunshot wound and convincing me not to leave you…yet you still find a way to be remarkably charming.”

Y/N giggled and then Steve knew he was finished.

His hand was shaking as he grabbed her’s, careful of the IV embedded in her skin. He kissed the back of her hand and she looked heartbroken as she saw the tears he was trying so hard to hold back.

“Y/N, I don’t think you understand… I can’t-If you ever…” then he was overcome with silent tears. He tried to hide them by dipping his head and moving his fist to cover his mouth, but it was useless.

“Hey, hey, hey,” she cooed. “I came back to you, didn’t I?”

“I can’t lose you, Y/N.” Steve was practically whimpering. “I feel like I finally just got you. And I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you.”

“I know, Steve,” she shushed. “I know. I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m so sorry.”

She pulled his head so his forehead was touching hers. They both closed their eyes and just let the feeling of touching each other wash over them. It grounded them. She had to convince Steve that she was still here, that she was OK.

——————

Two weeks had passed since Y/N returned to the present with a bullet in her side. She recovered quicker than the doctors expected. While she wasn’t allowed to do any strenuous activity – sex included, to her annoyance and Steve’s amusement – but she was at least allowed to leave the infirmary.

Steve insisted she stay with him at the compound. That way she was close to the doctors and specialists if anything were to happen.

Y/N knew he was being overprotective. But he needed to be that right now. So she let him do it and decided to keep her sarcastic comments to herself.

However, as the days went on, Y/N started acting strange.

She was oddly quiet. And it didn’t get past Steve.

There was a piece of the story that she had yet to tell him. She didn’t know how he’d handle it. And not knowing his reaction was what worried her most of all.

Y/N looked up from where she sat on the love-seat in the living room of the compound.

Steve was never far from her these days. He was subtle about it, doing his best not to be overbearing or making it blatantly obvious how overly watchful he’d become of Y/N.

Now he was in the kitchen, surely making both of them lunch.

Y/N marked her spot in her book before getting up and slowly walking to the kitchen island and sitting in one of the high stools.

Steve gave her a small smile at her joining his company.

“Steve?” She said gently. “I have something to tell you.”

He paused what he was doing to look up her worriedly.

“I didn’t tell you the whole story. There’s something else.”

Steve’s face visibly paled. What could be worse than her getting shot? He stepped forward and leaned over the kitchen island toward her, his hands gripping the edge of the countertop.

“I saw Bucky.” Then Y/N blinked. “Or, I guess, the Winter Soldier. But I swore there was a moment when it was Bucky.”

Steve frowned. “Y/N…was it Bucky? Was it Bucky who shot you?”

She blinked again, snapping out of the memory. “No, Steve. He saved me.”

He leaned back in shock at what she said. But he crossed his arms. His face was stern and made him look more like Captain America than Steve Rogers. He wanted – no – he needed answers now.

Y/N’s eyes glazed over as she was dragged back into the memory. “I was right in the middle of the fighting. A Hydra agent saw me. Decided I was an enemy and that’s when I felt the sting. I fell to the ground, convinced I was going to die there. I saw him walking toward me, obviously determined to finish the job.”

Steve was grinding his teeth together.

“Right when he raised his gun, finger on the trigger…there was a shot. But it wasn’t his gun. It was Bucky. He’d had shot one of his own men. He saved me. I looked at him, called his name.” She looked at Steve now. “I swear he recognized me, Steve. For a split second, his face changed like he remembered who he really was.”

Then she shook her head. “He picked me up…carried me to some semblance of shelter, away from the fighting. He looked at me for a moment before running back into the chaos.”

Steve seemed to relax. That was not what he expected to hear.

Y/N reached across the counter to grip one of his hands.

“Bucky’s still in there, Steve. He isn’t lost,” she whispered.

Steve felt a wave of hope wash over his heart. Yes, Bucky had snapped out of it that day when Steve fell from he hellicarrier. His old friend had a moment of lucidity and saved his life. But after Sam followed dead end after dead end, Steve became more and more pessimistic of ever fully recovering his best friend.

A new surge of determination overtook him. He didn’t want to just find his best friend. Now he also had to thank him for saving his girl’s life.

Later that night, Steve called Sam.

He was in Poland, following another possible lead that Nat had sent their way.

Steve often wondered why Sam continued on this wild goose chase. Bucky wasn’t his friend. In fact, he had nearly killed Sam far too many times. But Y/N reminded Steve that Sam was also his best friend. And helping friends was what people did. “You’re not the only person that’s allowed to be selfless, Steve,” Y/N had once reminded her boyfriend.

“He’s always one step ahead of us, Steve.” Sam sighed on the other end of the phone. “Whenever I get to the lead, it doesn’t even seem like he was ever even there. It could’ve been a completely fabricated spotting. This dude’s a ghost.”  

Steve glimpsed through the open crack of his bedroom door. Y/N was still sleeping soundly in his bed. He could hear her soft breathing.

“He saved her life, Sam.” Steve muttered sadly. “I already owed him. But now…I owe him everything.”

Sam exhaled. “I get it, man. Really, I do. But did you ever think there’s a reason he hasn’t come out of hiding? You know… a reason that he hasn’t come to you.”

Steve’s brow furrowed. “What are you trying to say, Sam?”

“Maybe he’s not the only one he’s trying to keep safe, Steve.”

---------------------------------------------------

Chapter 10

Let me know what you think :)

---

I do not do taglists. Here is the series’ masterlist: Non-Sequential

[lihikainanea]

Guys. Guys. I uh....I got carried away. I’m almost sorry except....I’m not. This took on a life of its own and I just cannot deal.

I mentioned it in my previous post but originally, this portion was planned to be all smut because I was in A MOOD. But when I started writing it, I realized that I just...I really love these two and their dynamic, so more of that ended up coming out in this round. I’m a sucker for these hooligans and how sweet they are, I can’t wait to see what happens next wait shit I’m the author what the fuck.

Anyway, I have maybe one part left in this; I want to do a morning after. That being said, if you want more BFF!Bill then by all means, send me prompts. I can’t get enough of him either. I created him and that bish still fucks me up.

You know the drill, Parts  1 + 2, Part 3, and Part 4. Originally inspired by the nani ask to @ill-skillsgard thats over there in the first parts.

But listen, hey, I want you all to be safe here, so trigger warnings: there’s a brief mention of the date rape drug being slipped into her drink. Nothing happens from it, but it’s mentioned and I want this to be a safe space for you all.

If you think I missed a trigger, please, let me know. I don’t ever want anyone to be triggered by what I write because it lacked a proper warning.

Name’s Leilani, by the way. No it ain’t my real name. Pronoun is she. I’m angry smol human but on here I’m quite friendly.

Tags: oh god people asked me to tag them and I feel way too self-indulgent doing so??

*******

You almost wished he’d hurry up, be just a little more rushed in his movements. Not because you wanted the whole thing over with, not because you wanted something a little rougher, but because something fast and unbalanced on the pleasure scale was a lot more familiar to you. Too many men had poked and prodded at you a little too roughly and a little too soon, and while it had always been consensual, there was nothing that was pleasurable about the jackhammer, hurried pace that dominated the majority of your experiences. Men who skipped foreplay altogether, had little to no knowledge of female anatomy, men who were so scared you’d change your mind that they went fast, came first, and left right after.

The way Bill was savouring you, though, was driving you insane. You had never quite been with a man who made your pleasure his sole focus, who seemed to be enjoying giving you pleasure as much as you were enjoying receiving it. He took his time, and nothing in his movements was tentative. Every touch, every kiss, was something you could feel. It was confident, it was sure. It was gentle and kind but definitive in letting you know that he was exactly where he wanted to be right then. Everything he did lacked hesitation of any kind. His sole focus was on you, on making sure you were enjoying what he was doing. On making sure that you were finally getting the pleasure that, in his mind, you deserved every time.

But the pace, and his undivided attention, also made you feel vulnerable in a way you hadn’t anticipated. You had been vulnerable with each other before on so many occasions, sure. You weren’t afraid to be emotional, to be raw with one another. You were the one who put Bill back on his feet after his girlfriend--the first girl he fell so, so hard for--broke his heart and left very suddenly. He had been a mess for weeks, not eating, not sleeping, spending days in bed in a catatonic state. You had set up camp at his place, coaxing him to shower, to eat a little something, to talk through it or just cry his heart out. Bill had been the one your friends called when a girl’s night out went south, after a jerk at the bar slipped something into your drink. Your friends had noticed your strange behaviour and followed you into the bathroom, where the last thing you remembered was throwing up neon orange and passing out. Your friends, they later told you, had called him in the wee hours of the morning. He left the set he was on immediately, ran through the bar and had busted the door down of the women’s bathroom to find you on the floor, bleeding from a gash in your forehead where you smacked the toilet on the way down. He wrapped you in his jacket, tucking you into his chest as he carried you out. Bill never mentioned anything, but that night he ordered Uber rides for all of your friends, tracked their routes and requested that they text him when they arrived home safely. He was the one to drive you to the hospital, propping you against him as he held his scarf to your bleeding head. You had thrown up, both in his expensive car and directly on him, but he held your hand while the doctors connected you to an IV and stroked your cheek while they stitched you up. He slept with you at the hospital that night, contorting his large frame into an uncomfortable chair and keeping a solid hold of your hand. Afterward, he had donated half of his earnings from his latest movie into the patent that was pending for a nailpolish that could detect the drug in someone’s drink.

Everything about Bill, about your friendship with him, had been about comfort. About safety. And now, it was that same comfort you felt in every kiss, every move he made against you and to you.  It was reassurance that you were safe, that he wanted you to feel good.

And you did feel good, so good. As he ground his hips into yours, kissing you until you were lightheaded while you were still trembling slightly from your earlier release, the only thing you could think of was chasing that high again but making sure he was right there with you this time.

You threaded your fingers in his hair, scratching at his scalp lightly and he moaned into the kiss as he placed his forearms by your head, giving him better leverage to grind against you. You reached your other hand down between your bodies and palmed firmly at the large bulge prominent in his jeans, and his hips surged forth. He broke the kiss with a grunt, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth as he tried to control his urge to drive you into the mattress. You removed the hand you had buried in his hair to lightly trace his cheek instead, down his jaw, and finally tugging his lip free from his teeth. His mouth was on yours again in an instant, the intensity matching the way his pelvis was grinding into your palm with much more urgency. Popping open the button on his jeans, you danced your fingertips along his happy trail, scratching ever so lightly with your nails. He moaned loudly against your lips, hips jutting forward again of their own volition.

“Fuck,” he grunted, “You could kill a man, you know that? Kill him de-” his sentence was cut off abruptly in favour of a drawn out moan when you reached your hand into his boxers and took a firm hold of him. He ran a hand through your hair and clenched it lightly in his fist, pulling your head back and smothering you with his lips again. He licked into your mouth, caressing your tongue with his, moving his warm lips against your own until you both were out of breath.

You whimpered when you felt him twitch under your hand, and you weren’t sure how much more you could wait.

“Bill,” you moaned against his lips, “Please, fuck, please don’t make me beg for it.”

The look in his eyes when he pulled back slightly to look at your face was enough to almost put you over the edge again.

“What did I tell you about begging, tiger?” he placed a sweet kiss to the tip of your nose, giving you a genuine smile that flashed his dimple, and you suddenly couldn't wait a second longer. Your fervour took him a little by surprise, he jumped ever so slightly as you started to yank at his pants. He helped you take them off of him, shimmying out and kicking them away as he moved to crawl back over you. He settled between your legs again, both of you moaning when he felt your wetness slide along the length of him. He ran his finger lightly down the bridge of your nose and your eyes fluttered closed.

“You feeling good, tiger?” he asked.

“Yes,” you replied, pleasure drunk and stupid on it. He kissed your cheek, then your earlobe, before placing his lips at your ear.

“Eyes, sweetheart.”

You turned your head, opening your eyes and bumping your nose against his. You grabbed one of his hands and laced your fingers through it.

“Yes,” you whimpered.

“Good,” another slow kiss, “I’m glad. Do you want to keep going?” 

“Bill please, make me come again,” you begged, and your own response would have embarrassed you if your mind hadn’t gone completely blank except for the need to feel that again.

His eyes closed, and he rested his forehead on yours, squeezing your hand tighter.

“Say that again.”

You only whimpered, tilting your pelvis up to rub your wetness against him. A firm hand stopped you.

“I won’t make you beg, sweetheart, but fuck say that again. Please,” he pleaded.

You indulged him, moving a hand to claw desperately at his back, drag down his spine and dig your nails into his hip bone, pulling him towards you.

“Please Bill,” you whined, “Please make me come again. God you made me feel so good.”

He groaned, low and deep in his throat before you felt him line up against your entrance. He gently took your chin in his thumb and forefinger, kissing you softly, before checking in one last time.

“You want this?” he whispered, close enough that his lips still touched yours when he spoke.

“Yes,” the desperation was getting worse, you could feel your insides throbbing just at the thought of being stretched so deliciously around him. You felt yourself clench around nothing, so empty that it ached.

“You’ll tell me to stop if you change your mind?”

“Yes. Bill...” it was almost a sob. You felt the tip of what you so desperately wanted bump against your entrance and then he was pushing in, agonizingly slow, so that you could feel every vein, every pulse, every single inch of him. It was a stretch, he was bigger than most of the men you had been with, but he had spent so much time making sure you were ready that the only thing you felt was pleasure. With a drawn out groan and one last push of his hips he was seated fully inside you, his face buried in your neck and his arms wound tightly around you. You had never felt so full, with his hips flush against yours and you felt your walls clench involuntarily around him. 

His arm shot out, gripping the headboard until it almost splintered.

“Fuck,”  he swore. You felt him twitch deep inside you, and then you suddenly started to feel that delicious pressure low in your belly again. It was already starting to build, his tip resting heavily against that spot inside you that had you squirming. You just needed...friction. You needed friction. 

You ran your hands down his tensed back, pressing down firmly, and you wrapped your legs around his waist. You used your heel to gently tap at his backside, rubbing your clit against his pubic bone in a silent plea to get him to move.

“I just....” his face was still buried in your neck, his chest heaving against yours, his hand still gripping the headboard in a vice, “I just need a minute.” He rested his full weight on you in an effort to render you rather unable to tilt up and grind against him, but all it did was put more pressure on your clit and caused you to clench around him again.

A string of Swedish curse words, some new to your ears, left his mouth.

Removing his hand from the headboard, he wove it with yours and dragged his hips back, thrusting into you slowly. Your head fell back against the pillow and you moaned loudly, spurring him to bring his face back to yours and lay a kiss on you that had the pressure in your belly building even faster. Your walls fluttered around him as he rolled his hips forward with every thrust, rubbing his pubic bone against your clit as his tip repeatedly pressed down against that spot inside you that had your toes curling.

“You’re so tight,” he ground out, “So wet for me.”

You were a mess, legs shaking, and the only thing you could do was moan as you started to feel your insides clenching more frequently around him now. His hips faltered in their pace.

“God I can feel how close you are again, sweetheart” he moaned, “You’re so sensitive.”

You whimpered, almost embarrassed at how easily he was working you over.

“Don’t hold back, kid. Just let go,” he coaxed. You gasped, feeling that coil winding so tightly it was ready to burst again. His lips at your neck, his delicious words at your ear, were getting you there that much faster.

“Bill...” you tried to warn. He licked at your mouth, taking your lips in a ferocious kiss and tangling his tongue with yours before pulling away

“That’s it, tiger,” he groaned, “Just let go. All over me.” He thrusted a few more times, angled deeper.

You were powerless to stop it. Your second orgasm of the night tore through you and your back bowed roughly off the bed. He caught you as you surged forward into him, wrapping his arm around your back to support your body and keep your chests together. You clenched repeatedly around him and he let go a grunt so rough that it was nearly a yell, fisting the sheet in his hands as he tried to stave off his own release. When you finally went limp against him, he kept you close and guided you back to the bed. Wiping the hair from your face, he used every ounce of willpower he had left to still his hips.

“You’re okay, sweetheart. You’re so good for me,” he soothed. You could barely breathe.

“Hey, tiger,” he said, and when the haze wasn’t clearing from your head, his voice got a bit more firm, “Look at me, kid.”

You dragged your eyelids open, almost wincing, and looked at him.

“You’re okay. We’re okay,” he said, continuing to trail a delicate finger around your features. You came back to your senses slowly, and he waited patiently until he saw the spark return to your eyes. The spark, and then a glint of ferocity that he knew well. Grabbing a fistful of his hair, you crushed your lips to his forcefully.

“More,” you demanded, once you had separated from his mouth. He was still buried deep in you, but hadn’t moved an inch while you came down from your high. You could feel him throbbing, twitching inside you, and you noticed now the tight clenching of his jaw, the way his fists held sheets so tightly balled up that his knuckles were turning white. He needed his own release so badly it hurt.

“More?” he looked for confirmation. Your eyes already bore into his and you didn’t look away, didn’t even blink, as you raked your nails down his back.

“More,”  you confirmed emphatically and it was all the encouragement he needed before he started moving against you again, slowly at first, as he felt you involuntarily jerk your hips towards his.

You were already so sensitive, so buzzing, that it didn’t take much to get you right back to that edge again. He had a knack for making sure his pelvic bone ground against your clit with every thrust, and with every push forward you felt him slamming into that spot nestled deep inside you that felt like it might explode. You felt like you might explode, not only had you never had this pleasurable of an encounter with any man, but Bill had catapulted you off the edge twice already in releases that were nothing short of earth-shattering. Maybe it was his weight on you, maybe it was his breath on your neck, his voice in your ear, maybe it was the reverberations in his chest that you felt against yours when he moaned his own pleasure so loudly--but nothing, no toy, no man, not even yourself, had ever made you so pleasure drunk.

You knew he was close the way his hips took on a more frantic pace. His large hands grabbed at you, still careful to avoid your love handles that you had told him you hated being grabbed, but he palmed at your thighs around him, grabbed at your hair, your chest. You had a vice grip around his back, needing the closeness, as he drove into you with more fervour. His moans were sinful and loud, unrestrained passion in your ear. The sound of his pleasure only drove you further until you were soaring higher. He fisted your hair, pulled your head back none too gently and crushed his lips to yours before tearing them away, biting anywhere he could reach as he felt your tell-tale fluttering around him again.

“Come for me,” he commanded. You moaned, digging your nails into his shoulders. His hips surged, faltered, and drove deeper.

“Now, tiger,” he said with urgency. And then, you were crashing again. Like a freight train. You gripped him, helplessly holding on as you spasmed and cried out, your body feeling like it was moving independently of your mind. 

He couldn’t hold back anymore, the sight of you coming undone for the third time that night, and all the little noises you made, pushed him over the edge. He gave a few more thrusts before groaning loudly, nearly ripping the bedsheets bundled in his fists as he came. His back popped, his leg cramped up and he was pretty sure he may have cracked a tooth with how hard his jaw clenched. He jolted for several moments, the aftershocks tearing through him, as you soothingly ran your fingernails up and down his spine. They found their way to his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp as he panted in your ear and collapsed against you.

“Thank you,” you said, your voice taking on a frail tone, “thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you,” you kissed any part of him that you could reach. His hairline, his cheeks, his chin, his nose, his jaw, his neck.

“That was....” you started to say.

“Oh my god.”

“That was incredible,” you kept your tone low, not wanting to spoil the intensity of it all.

“Oh my god,” he repeated.

You laid like that for awhile, waiting until each of you caught your breath. When your breathing had slowed, he moved his face to yours and gently caressed your features. You reached up and moved his hair away from his forehead.

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

“Mmmm, yes,” you closed your eyes and hummed happily, wriggling further into the mattress. You felt him gently bump his nose against yours, and you opened your eyes, staring into his, knowing that he needed that eye contact to confirm. 

“I’m good. You?” You kissed him lightly, and were rewarded with that boyish smile and the dimple that accompanied it again. He nodded.

“Did that feel good?” he asked.

“Good?” you replied incredulously, “Bill, I think I’m going to need a chiropractor to reset my spine, I came so hard.” It earned a chuckle, and you drew him back in to keep him close as exhaustion suddenly overtook you. He held you like that for awhile, his weight pressing into you, and it was a comfort. After several minutes, and only once he was sure you would be okay with the loss of contact, you winced as you felt him slip out of you and leave the bed. Floating in that in between state of consciousness and deep sleep, you barely registered a warm wash cloth between your legs, a cool one being pressed to your forehead. He disappeared for a few moments when you had passed out cold, you heard the shower running and the clang of a few pots and pans in the kitchen, before the bed dipped down under his weight and a hand was gently running through your hair.

“Come on tiger, sit up for a sec,” he coaxed. You turned your head into his hand, urging the head scratches, but ignored his plea.

“Can’t sit up. Too fucked out.”

He chuckled, easing an arm under you and slowly bringing you upright. You caught whiff of something--food something, and shit you were starving now--and opened your eyes. He was waving a plate under your nose; two grilled cheese sandwiches, one with the crusts cut off. Your hand immediately snatched it.

“Yeah, thought so,” he said, smugly. You munched on your sandwiches in comfortable silence, still maintaining contact in some way--he brushed the hair from your eyes, or you swiped at a crumb stuck on his lip. When you were done eating, he placed the plate on the floor and put a glass of water in your hand, urging you to drink it. You listened, handing the empty glass back to him. Sitting on his haunches, he reached a large hand up and cupped your jaw, gently forcing you to look at him.

“You feel good?” he asked, his thumb stroking your cheek. You placed your hand over his.

“Yeah. Yeah, I feel really good,” you said. You placed a gentle kiss on his palm. “Thank you, Bill.”

He smiled at you, dragging his thumb across your lips. You kissed that too, before grabbing his chin and bringing his face to yours, placing a gentle kiss on his mouth.

“Happy to help. Now come on, let’s get some sleep.”

He nudged you into lying down, scooting in close behind you. He wrapped an arm around your rib cage, opening his hand over your heart and tucked his legs up under you.

“This okay?” he asked, burying his face into your neck.

Your only answer was to scoot further back into him, pressing your back to his chest, and enclose your hand around his. The last thing you remember is him pressing a gentle kiss to your ear before coaxing you to sleep.

[petersshirts]

Chasing After You (1) | tom holland

pairing: tom holland x reader

summary: uni doesn’t seem so hard, until your ex-boyfriend shows up right in front of you, turning your life in a whirlwind of emotions

warnings: lots of swearing they are Britains for gods’ sake

words: 1,5 k

A/N: so... here it is, my new series!! it’s still in the making and i don’t know yet how many there will be, but i hope you like it, please let me know what you think!

„I hate this,“ you mumbled and closed the door of your apartment with a loud thud, gaining the attention of your roommate Sky in the kitchen. „Hey boo, you okay?“ You heard your best friend yell and you just sighed, throwing off your shoes and coat to get to her.

„Just been a shitty day.“ Sky pouted and closed the fridge to give you a hug. You pulled her closer, sighing at the contact. It was good to know that you were not alone - that you could manage Uni and everything around it.

It had been only two weeks since you started your first year at Uni in Cambridge, and it had been hard. Sure, you knew that Uni was not easy, but the professors were horrible and mean, causing you a lot of stress. And you were not famous for handling stress very well. Sky pulled back to check if you cried, but you just shook your head, showing her that you were okay. That you would be okay.

„It’s all gonna be fine, Y/N. You’re gonna get used to it. But before that, I’ve been invited to a house party tonight!!“ You rolled your eyes at the excitement of your best friend, knowing how this evening would go. Sure, you loved going out but Sky always drank way too much and you always had to bring her home around 11 pm, crashing all the fun you had.

„I’m only going f you don’t drink five shots in the first two minutes!“ You reminded her and she just giggled. She was so childish but you loved her for it. With her, everything was easy and fun and you were so happy that you had decided to move into an apartment together at the start of the term.

For the next few hours, you ordered pizza and got yourself ready for the party. Sky even managed to put you into one of her dresses - when you stood in front of the mirror you didn’t even recognise yourself. Your friend had curled your hair and put some make-up on your face, turning you from a sleep-deprived student into a night owl. Without her, you would most likely lie in your bed and only come out for food and pee-breaks.

After a bottle of wine, the two of you left your apartment and walked to the address where the house party was at. It was early spring and you cursed yourself for only bringing a light jacket like Sky had told you. You look better with that; well, your whole body was freezing. You finally arrived at the apartment complex a few minutes later and Sky rang the doorbell and you got buzzed in immediately. When you arrived at the apartment on the third floor, there were people everywhere. The music was pounding and you grimaced, knowing that you would get a headache in the morning from the loud beats.

Sky grabbed your hand and pulled you through the masses of people into the kitchen. While she found a bottle of vodka, you searched for two shot glasses. You wouldn’t survive this night without more alcohol in your system. The two of you drank your shots, a disgusted look on your face.

The next two hours were spent with more alcohol and dancing on the small dance floor to the latest charts. It felt good to finally let loose and just dance with your best friend for a while. But after a while, your legs got heavy and you just mumbled a „Be right back,“ and walked to the bathroom to get some time to breathe.

When you closed the bathroom door behind you, you sighed and watched the girl in the mirror. Your makeup was slightly smudged from all the dancing but other than that, you still looked presentable. But on the inside, you were exhausted and just wanted to go home and sleep. The alcohol always made you tired but there was no way that Sky would actually leave with you right now. When it came to going out, you were polar opposites - while she could stay out until 5 in the morning, you were ready to go to bed after a few shots at midnight.

And since you had promised her to stay with her tonight, you sighed and opened the bathroom again, revealing the same scene you had just left. On your way back to the place where you had left Sky, you tried to make her head out in the crowd. But when you saw a familiar blonde quiff only a few meters above you and those blue eyes, you immediately stopped. The guy was gone but you just stood there, trying to find out if your mind was tricking you.

Suddenly, memories came flooding back and you turned around and ran out of the apartment, in desperate need of some fresh air. You made it out to the hall and slid down the wall, trying to catch your breath. You remembered that hair and those blue eyes. When he was near, his friend was never far away. Your breathing was going fast and you hid your face in your hands, all the emotions came flooding back.

„Y/N is that you??“ You looked up to look into those familiar blue eyes that you hadn’t seen for a whole year. You hadn’t seen him in such a long time and even though he wasn’t the one that caused you anxiety, he was too close for your own liking. But he had never done anything wrong to you, it had been his best friend. But with that, you wanted to stay away from these two boys as far as possible.

„Uhm, hi Harrison, long time no see.“ You mumbled out to your old friend, not sure how to talk to him. Harrison walked up to you, a big smile on his lips, completely surprised that you were here. You on the other side wished that you were somewhere else. One year ago, you tried to put your past behind you. It had worked pretty well so far, but seeing Harrison here was not helping. His best mate couldn’t be that far.

„How have you been?? I haven’t seen you since Tom and you…“ When he said those words you jumped up, your mind spinning. You were not ready to talk about your ex-boyfriend, the boy that broke your heart. The only boy that you had ever loved and just left without an explanation. You hated him and you were damned if you would see him again.

„I’m actually here to have fun and not talk about this right now. I’m sorry, I can’t…“ While you were talking, you stumbled back to the open entrance of the apartment to find Sky. You didn’t care anymore what you had promised - all you wanted was to go home, eat Ben & Jerrys and try to forget about this whole experience. But when you bumped into a broad chest and looked up to meet his chocolate brown eyes, everything came crashing down.

All the walls that you had built up over the last year to show everyone that you were completely fine, they faded to nothing when he realised who was standing in front of him. Oh hell no. He was as beautiful as you remembered - he was still athletic but not too much muscle, his unruly brow twitching. But it seemed like his complete attitude had shifted - gone was the sweet guy that you had met at school two and a half years ago and was replaced by some fuckboy you absolutely hated. Your heart wrenched when he stood there because this wasn’t love - no this was hate for what he had done to you.

And that’s why your legs started moving, back into the apartment to find Sky and get the hell out of here. You found her in the living room where she was grinding on a stranger. You pulled her arm to get her attention, tears running down your face. Sky mumbled something when you tried to gain her attention, but when she finally looked into your face to see your desperation, she jumped into gear. Without questioning what was going on, she pulled away from the guy, grabbed your hand and walked outside without looking back.

Luckily, To and Harrison were gone when you stepped out of the apartment, trying to gain your breath. Sky looked back at you to make sure that you were safe to walk home and you just nodded, showing her that you would be fine. Someday.

The two of you walked home in quiet, both of you following your own thoughts. Your brain was running wild, trying to figure out how he was in the same city as you, far from home. Clearly, he was a student here too and there was no way that you wouldn’t see him again. You started crying again, unable to control your emotions. Why was life so unfair? Why couldn’t he just stay out of your life like he had done for the last year??

Uni was tough but Tom fucking Holland just made it just three times worse.

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[asroarke]

Hey Alex. Your fics completely cheer up whenever I'm in a depressive state. I've read them all so many times. They're incredible. Unfortunately, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago I guess hes an ex now and I'm confused and broken and Ive been listening non stop to ed sheeran's song "Happier". I was wondering if you could write post break up bellarke fic based kinda on the song, but with a happy ending from bellamys pov? I need a pick me up and a little bit of hope in my life tbh..

I’m really sorry to hear about your break up! That’s rough. Also, side note, that song made me cry. I had never heard it before. So, the happy ending is kind of ambiguous in this fic, but I fully intended for you to assume that the last conversation goes well and they end up back together. I hope you like it! It ended up being more angsty than I had originally planned. [ao3]

He wasn’t planning on stopping by Octavia’s party, using thefact that he was working late as his excuse. But when Pike announced thatBellamy could clock out early, he knew that he had to at least swing by. IfOctavia found out that his schedule opened up and he didn’t stop by, he’d neverhear the end of it.

It wasn’t like Clarke ever stayed at parties long, anyway.He probably wouldn’t even see her. She likely left an hour ago, since she was probablytoo tired from a shift at the hospital or had one early tomorrow morning. So,he took a few deep breaths before heading over to his sister’s apartment.

The party was still raging on when he walked through the door,and Miller immediately put a beer in his hand. “How have you been?” he asked,and Bellamy just shrugged. Miller looked over at Jackson, and Bellamy didn’tmiss the concerned look they exchanged. Yeah, they were worried about him, buthe was fine.

“There you are!” Octavia shouted before he heard the soundof her loud feet rushing toward him. He turned to be ready for her hug, chucklingquietly at her excitement to see him. “Isn’t this a fun party? You’re so happyyou came, right?” she asked, her words slurring together, and he had to fightnot to roll his eyes. She was drunk.

“Yes,” he replied, patting her on the head as he surveyedthe room. No sign of Clarke, thank God. He wouldn’t know what he would say toher if he saw her again. It was inevitable that he would, so he probably shouldfigure something out. But he needed more time to get over the sting of losingher.

He plastered on a smile as Octavia dragged him through theapartment by his hand and introduced him to all her work friends he hadn’t metyet. She ditched him to go whine to Lincoln about something, and Bellamysettled in next to Murphy as he downed the last of his beer. He looked over hisshoulder into the kitchen, spotting those fake margarita beer drinks that Octaviahad recently gotten upset with and let out a sigh. “The good stuff is out onthe patio,” Murphy explained, and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank God,” he muttered before making his way out there.

He probably should have known that there would be one or twopartygoers who would be out there. It’s the only quiet place to be at anOctavia Blake party. Bellamy had ducked out here enough times to know that.

But nothing could have prepared him for finding Clarke andRoan out there together.

He freezes for a moment at the sight of Clarke curledup against him with her legs in his lap. It took him a moment to realize thatshe was asleep, and he probably would have laughed at the fact that ClarkeGriffin fell asleep at yet another party if it weren’t for the fact that shewas literally sleeping on Roan.

He clenched his jaw as he fished out a beer from the cooler.He shouldn’t actually be surprised. He and Clarke broke up. She was going tostart seeing other people. He couldn’t have pushed her away any harder, if hewas being honest with himself. But Bellamy had somehow put the prospect ofClarke moving on out of his thoughts, meaning he was blindsided by this.

“Oh hey, man,” Roan said, tearing his eyes away from hisphone to nod at Bellamy. Bellamy nodded back, grinding his teeth together as hedid. Without a word, he walked back into the apartment and took a seat at theempty kitchen table, one of the few spots in the room that gave him a decentview of what was happening on the patio. Maybe he just wanted to torturehimself, but he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off the two of them as Roan’shand traced up and down Clarke’s back.

“Didn’t you start this whole thing?” Jasper asked as he saton the table, swinging his legs back and forth so that he occasionally hitBellamy.

“Yes,” he huffed, and Clarke started to stir outside. Sherubbed her eyes as she pushed herself up, and Roan put his phone down to saysomething that caused Clarke to erupt into laughter. His chest panged as he sawher bright smile. He couldn’t even remember the last time he saw her smile likethat.

“So, why are you acting like she broke up with you?” Jaspermuttered, and Bellamy took his eyes off Clarke for a moment to glare up at him.

“Jasper, I’m not in the mood,” he snapped. When his eyesreturned to the window, Roan and Clarke had stood up and were facing away fromhim. Both her hands were braced on the railing in front of her, but Roan wasstill rubbing her back.

The fact that it was Roan shouldn’t have surprised Bellamy.He had always had the suspicion that Roan was attracted to Clarke, and it wasn’tlike he could blame Clarke for becoming interested in him once she becamesingle. He was an attractive guy, one that her mother would definitely approveof. He’d probably fit more into Clarke’s world than Bellamy ever did.

Jasper was still mumbling something when Bellamy pushed awayfrom the table. He wasn’t going to sit there all night watching theex-girlfriend he was still in love with flirt with Roan, so he ducked into thekitchen, which was empty. He hopped up onto the counter and let out a breath.

He tried to distract his mind, but the image of themtogether kept popping up in his head again. Bellamy could see them together soclearly, now. Roan didn’t pick fights with Clarke like Bellamy did, no, he wasfar more relaxed and easygoing. He was also not the kind of guy to screw aroundwhen it came to talking about how he felt. Clarke must love that since shedoesn’t have to guess what Bellamy’s thinking anymore or deal with his freakouts when things got a little too serious. She found herself someone who wouldbe upfront with her, and it’s what she deserves.

He pressed his lips together as he heard the patio doorswing open. “Jasper, are you ready for more shots?” he heard Roan tease, andBellamy threw his head back. God, Roan was even more fun around Bellamy’sfriends. “Clarke?”

“Oh, God no,” Clarke giggled, and it was such a sweet, happysound… and why wouldn’t it be? Clarke seemed to be happy, probably happier thanshe had been with Bellamy. There was a quiet mumbling out there as Bellamyheard Jasper skip after Roan. “What?” he heard Clarke say, and he hit his headagainst the cabinet behind him.

He fucked up. God, he fucked up. He was falling too hard andfast for her and got scared. Everything with Clarke felt so natural and normal,and it scared him how easily he could get comfortable with her, especiallygiven how things went with Echo and Gina in the past.

All he could remember was how much he hurt before, and hisstupid, stupid self did what healways did: pushed her away before she could push him away. And now she was gone.He couldn’t blame anyone but himself for the way he picked that fight.

He was taking another swig of his drink when Clarke strodeinto the kitchen, freezing as soon as she saw him. Her brows furrowed as shegave him a once over, and his heart pounded as he waited for her to saysomething.

“Octavia said you had to work tonight,” she finally settledon, and he fought not to roll his eyes at the fact that the two of them couldonly seem to make small talk now.

“My shift ended early, so I stopped by,” he shrugged, andshe nodded along. Her brows were still furrowed, and he could tell that she hadsomething to say to him. But of course, his jealousy was still festering underthe surface and he said, “You seemed to have a good nap outside.”

Her eyes widened at him, and he immediately regretted it.She was free to do whatever the hell she wants, after all. He shouldn’t try tomake her feel bad for moving on. But of course, he always said the wrong thingat every given opportunity.

“It was a long day,” she settled on, and he nodded along, keepinghis eyes fixed on the almost empty beer in his hand. “Actually, I was just aboutto leave. I should go find your sister before I go,” she muttered beforeturning to leave, and Bellamy hit his head on the cabinet again, cursinghimself for pushing her away again.

He listened as Clarke gave her goodbyes to their friends. Montysaid something to make her laugh, and he found a smile tugging at his lips whenhe heard that beautiful sound. She talked with Harper, he thinks, for a minute…and the ease with which she speaks to everyone causes his chest to pang. Sheused to be able to talk to him that way.

Maybe he should find a way to be happy for her. After all,she seemed happier now with Roan. And Clarke deserved to be happy. He wantedher to be so happy.

When the front door shut, he let out a breath. He survivedseeing Clarke tonight, barely. The panging in his chest probably wouldn’t goaway any time soon, though he wasn’t sure if it ever left.

He was coming up with excuses to leave the party too whenRoan came into the kitchen. “What’s wrong with you?” Roan snorted.

“Nothing,” Bellamy lied.

“So, it has nothing to do with the fact that you saw me withyour ex?” he asked, raising his eyebrows as he filled a cup with ice.

“Clarke can date whoever she wants,” he replied.

“I’m not dating Clarke,” Roan corrected, and Bellamy hatedhow easy his own face gave his reaction away. Roan smirked at him, pleased thathe had finally broken Bellamy out of his fake indifference. “I don’t make ahabit of dating girls who are still in love with their exes.”

“Clarke isn’t—”

“She is,” he interrupted. “It’s annoying, honestly. Fulloffense intended, you were a dick to her in the end.”

“I know,” he huffed, throwing his head back. He didn’t needthis lecture from Roan when he had been giving it to himself all night. “It’show I know she isn’t still hung up on me.”

“Interesting,” Roan muttered as he walked back toward thedoor, “then, why is she still in the parking lot, crying in her car?” Bellamy’shead snapped up to look at Roan, whose eyebrows were raised at him as he lookedover his shoulder. “Don’t fuck it up this time,” he huffed before walking backout to the party. Bellamy jumped to his feet, abandoning his beer on thecountertop before striding toward the front door. He didn’t bother tellinganyone where he went. Everyone was too drunk to notice he was gone, anyway.

When he got down to the parking lot, he found Clarke’s carin the very back. He jogged toward her car, and as he got closer, he could seeher talking on the phone as she wiped a few tears from her cheek. He felt sickat the realization that he was the reason she was crying. He never wanted tohurt her. After all, he loved her… probably a little too much. He was justscared.

Clarke’s eyes widened when she spotted him, and she said goodbyeto whoever she had been talking to. He stood still as she pushed herself out ofthe car, her brows furrowing in confusion as she looked up at him again. “Whatare you—”

“I miss you,” he interrupted, and her eyes softened. “I’msorry. I know I don’t get to just… Fuck,” he mumbled. He hadn’t thought throughwhat he would say to her at all. He hadn’t been thinking when he rushed downafter her. All he heard was that she was upset because of him, and he couldn’t stayaway.

“I miss you too,” she said before he could stutter anythingelse out. Her blue eyes were staring back at him, still a bit red from crying.All he wanted to do was close the distance between them and pull her to hischest.

“Can we talk?” he asked, and she bit down on her lip. Herchest was rising and falling slowly as she took a few deep breaths.

It felt like hours had passed before she whispered, “Yeah.”

A flicker of hope scorched through him as the two of them satdown on the curb. He was going to tell her everything that he didn’t saybefore. He was going to make it right. And maybe, just maybe, she’d let him tryto make her happy again.

[erregent]

( under a readmore cause it’s long.

i guess??? this is the start to a gavcentric redemption fic with some ree.d900 on the side. i have maybe three more chapters planned out but i haven’t finished it yet. )

--------

they’re probably going to put on his tombstone ‘dumb shit.’ 

nothing else. no date of birth, mother’s name, none of that. just, here lies a dumb fucker. 

laying on his back in a wet alleyway, struggling for breath around the blood in his mouth, gavin reed thinks it’s probably for the best. 

he was supposed to call for backup but since when the fuck has he ever needed backup? no partner necessary, he may be shit at office work but out here, in the field, was where he got his kicks. a perp wanted to bust out the third story window and try to outrun him on the fire escape? good. 

gavin was not far behind, huffing around smokers lungs but spite was enough to keep his legs moving, keep the high teen in his sights as he darts up stairs one more floor to the roof of the apartment building. 

“that’s enough, kid,” he remembers saying, training his gun at the perp’s back as he contemplates jumping off, “there’s nowhere to go.”

“i can’t--- can’t go to prison, i can’t---” he was high, confused. just a fucking teenager. for some reason gavin thinks of the boy’s mother. where she was now, and if she knew what her boy was doing. did she even care.

he couldn’t tell you why, but he remembers putting his gun away. offering up both hands empty like some sort of peace offering.

“you can still get out of this alright, don’t be fuckin’ stupid. just turn around, and get over here.”

“they’ll kill me! they’ll kill me...i can’t--- no, nono--” 

“who’s they? talk to me, kid, i can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

the kid eventually turns around. wet tear tracks on both cheeks, snot dribbling over lips, and hands clutching a beretta.

gavin didn’t have time to say a word before hearing the pow pow of gunfire. 

choking, gasping, he knows he’s shot before he even looks down but when he does, the world spins, and he’s falling over the ledge.

shoulder catches the edge of the fire-escape, shattered. body rag-doll, he manages to land on his back just so he could graciously choke on his own blood. 

so yea, he’s a dumb shit. he didn’t even call for backup. 

you try to do something nice, and it gets you shot twice in the chest. 

-----

somehow, he wakes up. 

he has no idea when, but he wakes up. 

the harsh lighting, the stale sick smell, the soft ‘beepbeepbeep’ lets him know he’s in a hospital. it’s not the first time he’s woken up in one and the detective doubts it will be the last. but this is certainly the first time he can hardly move once consciousness returns to him. 

everything hurts. literally everything, even the follicles of his hair feel sore in his head, and he’s hovering somewhere between drugged beyond recognition and not nearly doped enough to withstand the discomfort. 

all he can manage is a low groan of pain, flexing fingers to see which ones work and which don’t. 

his entire left arm is casted, gavin can barely turn his head enough to see the thing, it goes up to his chest where gauze springs from underneath. it’s wrapped tight, tight around his torso and down to his navel, though gavin can’t see past the sheet thats been brought up to his armpits. he’s sewed up, tucked in, and left here. 

“detective,” a voice calls from the doorway. at least he gets his own room. 

the soft glowing LED in the nurses temple under blond curls would have made gavin scoff if he weren’t so broken. he groans again. a fuckin’ android. he forgets they’re allowed to do whatever they want now, regardless of model and make. 

“please try not to move so much. honestly, i’m surprised you’re awake. you’ve only been out of surgery for three hours, your body is still adjusting to the changes,” she’s rummaging through a virtual clipboard, the skin on her hand peeling back to interface with it directly. 

“you took two gun shot wounds to the torso. one made a clear shot, it hit nothing vital. the other punctured a lung and broke one of your ribs. your shoulder and arm were shattered from impact after you fell, and required extensive surgery and reconstruction to repair. do you remember where you were before here, detective?”

gavin groans. his mouth tastes like sandpaper and actual, literal asshole. it’s too dry, he rolls his tongue around but it feels two sizes too big. he manages to croak out “case,” and not sound totally out of it, to his defense.

“yes, we were informed by your department you were chasing a suspect. though i am not authorized to talk to you about legal matters, i just need to confirm your mental faculties are still in order. you fell almost three stories, detective. the only reason your skull was not crushed on impact was the loss of momentum your body sustained hitting the fire escape on your way down.”

he manages a scoff this time. guess he’s lucky for the shattered bones.

“what is your name?”

another noise, he grinds teeth around the ‘g’ sound.

“g...avin. reed.” 

“yes, that’s very good. i have more questions for you, and you willneed a debriefing, but you still need rest,” she’s coming to his bedside then, futzing with the fancy IV machine whirring away there. she hits a few buttons, pumps him full of morphine, and suddenly gavin feels really warm and he wants to sleep.

he does. 

-----

it’s the first time in twelve years, gavin sleeps longer than two hour increments. 

the next few days come in blinks, and trying to keep track of time is utterly useless. there’s a potted plant at his bedside one time he opens his eyes. a succulent, some weird desert lookin thing and he knows it’s chen. he likes this kind, barely have to do shit to keep it alive. he passes out trying to move his arm to touch it.

the next time he’s awake, there’s flowers. a single arrangement, freshly pruned peace lilies harsh white like his whole fuckin’ room with a little blue ‘k’ on an equally white card in the middle. if he could, he’d knock the whole thing off on principle. fuckin prick.

the third time he can actually remember anything, he’s sitting up more. that same blond nurse is back, checking about his vitals and tidying the room. there’s not much to do, even in his haze gavin can tell there has been little traffic here. the detective isn’t shocked by the notion. he’s not known to have friends. 

he’s awake for more than fifteen minutes this time, and gavin knows what to expect. a half hour into consciousness, one of his own is buzzing into his room. he’s expecting chen, maybe anderson if the captain wanted to let the old man gloat. he’s not expecting fowler himself to walk through the door.

his gut plummets like a shitty wooden roller coaster at the sight of him. dark blue button up. black slacks. badge at his hip. but no clip board, no pen. he’s not here to talk about the case.

“reed,” fowler begins, hands in his pockets as he walks toward the large window to gavin’s left. it’s hard to turn his head that way, considering his shoulder was in pieces not long ago, but he manages to get the man in his peripheral. 

the silence that follows is maddening. gavin wants to claw his god damn skin off. 

“fowl-”

“you could have died, reed. you very well should have.”

“i had it under con-”

“if you try to undermine what this is, so help me.” perhaps it’s just the morphine, but gavin swears fowler’s hands are shaking in his pockets.

“listen. you’re a good detective, gavin. you and i both know that. it’s why i wanted you back on the force after the whole android awakening,” fowler has finally turned to face him now though stays by the window. his voice is level, but terse. he feels like he’s being scolded by his father.

“you bitched and moaned about what cases you wanted, you bitched and moaned when i brought in the other rk unit, and you bitched and moaned when i tried to pair you with him. for months. and i’ve listened because you got results. i don’t give a shit if you’re everybody’s best friend, so long as you do the job and you don’t get yourself killed. but you fucked up big time, reed. and i can’t have it happen again.”

“captain-”

“you are not dying under my watch, gavin. you hear me? not because of your inflated ego and some shitty pride!” 

gavin swallows at the tone of fowler’s voice, would have flinched back if he could. for once in his miserable fucking life, the detective agrees, and nods.

“yea. yea i hear you.” he hates how weak he sounds. he’ll blame it on the fatigue.

the tenseness fowler carried in his jaw loosens some. shoulders slack. gavin can see the clenched fists in his pockets ease. he’s said the right thing. gavin wasn’t made a detective for nothing. 

“good. cause you’re getting a partner when you get out of here, and i’m not hearing another word out of you about it.”

ok, so he’s not fired. that’s awesome. but...fuck. he doesn’t even have the energy to ask who. he likes to think he’d be all teeth and gums about this, being the squeakiest wheel he can be to get the grease, if he weren’t still in recovery. 

“get some rest. we’ll interview about the suspect when you’re not drugged off you ass,” his captain makes to leave, but stops by the doorway just to shoot gavin a rarely seen, but always infuriating smirk, “should probably keep you on it, though. you’re a lot nicer when you can’t bark.”

fowler leaves. 

gavin, through grit teeth and optimal discomfort, manages to knock the peace lilies off the table.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

DOTW 17 - Start

Running through the hospital carpark, Levi's heart was pounding loud enough that he could hear it. A fine layer of sweat covered him, his sweats and hoodie dishevelled from having been slept in. Mike had called. They were friends, but for him to call... well, it was rare. Levi nearly didn't answer, not when Hanji hadn't talked him since dropping Eren's photos off. The cursed photos that had spent him spiralling further. He was on leave from work, due to assaulting an alpha who'd decided to lay into their mate. The pale brunette didn't particularly look like Eren, yet, he hadn't been able to stop himself from decking the alpha. The piece of shit even had the audacity to claim the omega had deserved it. Spinning the truth, Erwin had claimed it was in self defence, managing to barely save Levi's job. Not that any of that mattered now. Olou buzzed him straight through, and into the emergency department. All it had taken had been one look. One clear look that said he was fully prepared to kick down the security door if he wasn't. After hours, days and weeks... Eren had finally turned up again... though this wasn't how Levi wanted them to reunite. Catching sight of Hanji and Moblit, he jogged over to them. Hanji rising from the chair she was slumped in, to throw her arms around him "Levi..." "What happened?" Mike hadn't given him any details, only telling him Eren had been brought in by Eld and Gunther "P-Petra got the call... God... Levi... it's bad..." How bad was bad? He didn't care who got the fucking call. He wanted to know where Eren was, and what condition he was in. Placing his hand on his shoulder, Moblit shook his head "We don't know anything. Mike told us to wait here while Eren was taken through for x-rays" That explained where he was, but not how he was "Where are Gunther and Eld? They have to know what's going on" "They're being questioned by the police" So now the police wanted to help? Where was that help... no... they were only doing their jobs within the limitations of the law. Getting mad wouldn't help anyone... "I don't know what I'll do if he isn't ok!" "Shhh. Eren's a strong kid... so we need to be strong for him" The words coming out his mouth didn't match the emotions coursing through him. If Zeke had dared to hurt Eren physically after years of mental and emotional abuse, he was going to fucking gut him "What if it's really... what if he... will he even want to see us?" "He was in a fragile mental state before he went missing. If he lashes out, we need to be prepared to accept the abuse. He's going to be confused and scared" "I... this is all my fault" Levi sighed. He didn't need Hanji's emotional baggage on top of his own. Sensing the end of his patience, Moblit gently pried Hanji from him "This is not your fault" "He ran away" "Yes. But you didn't make him run and you didn't hurt him. You've gone above and beyond to do everything you think was right for him. Here, sit back down. We don't know how long it will be until he's moved back" They weren't supposed to be waiting back here, but no one was going to tell them otherwise. All the staff understood that Eren was like a son to Hanji, and the fierce glare on Levi's face only served to remind them to keep their mouths shut. It was the better part of three shitty hours later that Eren was wheeled back into the Intensive Care section that backed onto the Emergency Department. Mike coming to personally retrieve them and guide them to Eren's room. Under the bright lights of the room, Eren's pale form seemed to blend in with the crisp white bedding. Levi's whole body shook with anger. He could smell Eren's pain. Eren's fear and Eren's blood. Grinding his teeth together, his hands clenched into fists "What the fuck happened to him?" Mike sighed softly, the man probably coping an onslaught of Levi's angry pheromones "Emergency services were called after the neighbours noticed a strange scent from the apartment Eren and Zeke were sharing. Upon inspection, Eren was found with a dirty needle hanging out his arm. He was curled up with his head on Zeke's chest. Zeke's body has been taken to the police morgue, but from what Gunther said, he'd say Zeke has been dead at least a week" Hanji gave a horrified gasp, while Levi's stomach flipped. Biter bile rose as he choked out his words "A dirty needle doesn't explain the need for x-rays" Once again, Mike sigh "He has three broken ribs. His ankle had been forcibly dislocated, enough force used to shift the pins and screws. His right wrist is also broken. There's signs he fought, and he fought hard. Aside from that, he has dangerously low blood pressure, the onset of pneumonia and is clearly dehydrated. We've had to place him in a medically induced coma for now, his body just isn't strong enough for all functions to be running. At the moment, we have him on the ventilator to help his lungs, but he's not stable enough for surgery. By the way he was clinging to Zeke, it's more than likely he hadn't moved after his brother died" Levi slumped, Mike grabbing him as knees refused to hold him. Just how much heartbreak did this kid need. Eren had spent a week curled into his brother's corpse... With Moblit's help, he was moved to the one chair in the room, fighting hard against his nausea "There's no signs of sexual trauma or assault, but we've taken swabs in case, as well as bloods. His surgery is scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning, provided his vitals improve. The needle was preserved, and the lab reports will be forwarded to us. Now, I know this isn't pleasant, but I need to know, did Eren take drugs?" Hanji shook her head "No. He didn't even love greasy food. He's a dancer and wanted to keep his body in peak condition. He indulged in a drink once every so often, but never drugs" "And he couldn't have hid the marks?" "No. There were no track marks or scars" "Alright. We've already documented all visible signs of trauma, and he's been sponged down. We're going to keep him under until after the surgery, then let him wake naturally. As we don't know what was in the syringe, there is a chance that he may experience a bad reaction to the sedation. There's also the fact the police are already hounding us to question him. I know I'm not going to be able to kick you out, but at the same time, I can't have you causing trouble for the nursing staff, especially when you're not even supposed to be here, or know anything about Eren's case" In other words he had to keep his temper in check, and let them monitor Eren without the fear of him losing control each time they approached him. Hugging Mike, Hanji sniffled "Thank you. I know you're not supposed to enquire, or reveal so much to us, but thank you..." "If you want to move some chairs in, go ahead, but m..." "Make sure we aren't in the way if he needs to be moved in a hurry. Despite appearances, I know the drill" "We'll be doing everything we can for him" Did Eren even want them to? With what he'd been through, was this the thing that snuffed the light out from behind Eren's eyes? The thing that broke him beyond repair? Fuck. He couldn't even bring himself to look at the kid. He was just too fucking scared he'd look up and find Eren coding "I know you will. I'll monitor his condition, and call if I notice any changes" "I'll be back to check on him in a few hours. You know where everything is" Hanji couldn't stop herself from fussing over him. Adjusting his blankets, smoothing back his hair, before checking the IV lines, on repeat. Moblit had disappeared at some point, though Levi had the feeling that it was to get coffee rather than to escape his wife's obsessive behaviour "His vitals are improving" Hanji's voice seemed to echo in the room, pulling Levi from his mind "That's good" "You should come sit by him" Since his arse had hit the chair, he hadn't moved "No..." "Levi" "No" "But..." "I can't" "What do you mean, you can't?" "I just can't..." "I know things haven't been great for you, but Eren's back now" "I know" "You know? Really, because you won't even look at him" "What do you want from me, Hanji?" "I want you to come and hold his hand" "I can't" "Levi, he's sick. You know as well as I do that he could very well not make it through the night or through surgery. Are you really going to let your stubbornness get in the way" "I can't fucking do it. Ok" "No. It's not ok. If this was you, Eren wouldn't leave your side" "Well good for him! He might have the guts to stand there and stare down at me, but I can't fucking stabs him laying there like that! We have his fucking body back! What happens when he wakes up?! He spent a week laying next to his dead brother? What's to say he even wants to wake up?!" It was a shit thing to say. He felt shitty voicing everyone's thoughts out loud "Then... then we stay by his side. We help him" God. If only it was that easy. Eren was with Zeke for nearly two fucking months. Anything could have happened to him during that time. Absolutely anything. Carrying in a tray of coffees, Moblit placed it down on the edge of Eren's bed, due to the lack of surfaces in the room. With an annoyed sigh, Hanji quickly plucked the tray back up "He's not a fucking table" "I... I know" Taking a coffee from the tray, Moblit carried it over to him "It's tea. I went down to the 24 hour cafe down the road" "Thank you" It was better than that soapy dishwater they called coffee here "I also called Marco, just to let him know Eren's been found. He wanted to come down, but I managed to convince him to wait until Eren was up for visitors" If his maths was right, Marco was now 3 and a half months along. He hadn't seen the omega since before learning of his pregnancy, and probably wouldn't even recognise him if he saw him "He and the baby need the rest" "That's what I said. He said to also let him know if we needed anything. Jean made him quit his job, and he seemed quite lonely" "He and Eren were very close. I hope they'll be able to recover that friendship" Choosing to ignore Hanji, Levi cautiously sipped his tea. The scalding liquid burning the tip of his tongue, in what he supposed was an act of Karma "Marco was very keen to see Eren. I guess it all comes down to Eren's mental state when he wakes. After all he's been through, I don't think he's going to be feeling too friendly, or happy to be awake" Finally! Fucking thank you, Moblit! Even if Hanji was scowling at her husband, it was nice to know he wasn't alone with these thoughts. Eren's vitals were good by the time morning crept into existence. Mike had been back around to check on Eren twice, and to gently lecture them over getting some rest. It wasn't until Eren was taken through to surgery that Levi finally found his feet. He couldn't do anything for the brat now. He could only be left behind as Eren was taken from again. Hanji was supposed to start her shift in another couple hours, while Moblit was off for the day, leaving the pair of them to awkwardly agree that they'd just see each other later. As much as he wanted to stay, he needed to shower and check in with Titan. Eren would be in surgery for a few hours, which also meant he had time to nap before returning. He was damned if he wasn't going to be ready for whatever Eren threw at him when he finally woke. The nap didn't happen. Returning to the hospital, he'd brought the clothes he'd borrowed from Eren with him. This way the omega would have something of his own when he woke. Avoiding Hanji, he headed up to the second floor, where the recovery rooms were located. Explaining he was looking for Eren, and that he was his alpha, his haggard state must have sparked some level of pity as the nurse tending the desk informed him Eren was out of surgery, and that there hadn't been any major complications. If it wasn't for the fact he was gay, he could have kissed her. He'd been sure he'd arrive to find Eren hadn't really been brought in, and that everything that had happened was all some kind of dream. Given he wouldn't be able to see him until he was moved to the ward, he was sent to wait elsewhere. Which happened to be the main lobby of the hospital. He was still sitting there when Erwin walked in, having come straight off his shift by the look of him. Taking the seat next to him, his friend slung his arm around his shoulder "Any news?" "He's out of surgery. Everything went well" "Thank fuck. I wanted to be here last night..." "But you were working. I don't suppose you've heard anything?" "You know how the network works, you always end up hearing something" There were some things you could only talk about when with people who did the job. It wasn't like you intentionally phased people out, but when they weren't out there on the streets and dealing with all the fucked up shit they'd seen, it just didn't translate over. They didn't understand. Besides. Gunther and Eld were both good men. The kind who wouldn't run their mouths off needlessly "Do I want to know?" "It's fairly basic. It's not like the police tell us everything. Zeke was stabbed to death from the look of it. There were too many wound sites to say which one was the final blow. The cops were already there when they arrived. They found drugs and money, but I don't know what's that about, or how true it is. I mean, I don't know Zeke, but Eren never mentioned his brother having anything to do with drugs" "No. Drugs don't seem Zeke's scene at all" "From the smell of it, Eren had been in heat pretty recently. The place was trashed, signs of an obvious struggle. Is Hanji here?" "She's gone straight into her shift. Moblit's off, so he was going to come back later" "Leaving you alone" Levi sighed heavily "I tried going home. Shat, showered and shaved. Even tried sleeping... I couldn't get the thought of him dying out of my head. He had a fucking dirty needle in his arm. Who knows what fucking filthy he might have picked up. Fucking Hanji thinks he's going to wake up be magically fucking better. Like everything is going to be fucking forgiven. I couldn't even hold his hand last night..." "I bet you didn't leave, though" "What good am I to him, when I'm a shitty mess?" "It's no good doing this to yourself" "I told myself I could move on, just as long as I knew he was ok" "We both know that's not true. If you could forget your feelings for Eren this soon, then they were never really there to begin with" "The fucking shit. He did this to me" "He did. And when he wakes up, you can tell him all about it" "I don't need your sarcasm" "I wasn't being sarcastic. I haven't eaten lunch yet. Why don't we get something to eat?" "I doubt I could choke anything down" "This isn't about you. It's about me. And I'm starving" Why the fuck was he friends with Erwin? * With Hanji working, Levi and Erwin were the only two sitting in Eren's room. He'd stirred briefly in recovery, before falling back to sleep. The nurse said he hadn't given any indications of trying to communicate, which Levi really couldn't get angry at him over. The kid had to be exhausted. Now that he knew Eren was on the mend, he had a tight grip on Eren's hand. That and the fact Erwin had corralled him over the visitors chair beside Eren's bed, making it impossible for him to do anything other than stare down at the brat, had nothing to do with it at all. Eren had been showing signs of waking for the past hour, leaving Levi nervous. He didn't know what he was going to say when the kid finally did. He had so much to say, and yet, none of it sounded good enough. He could apologise for the rest of his life and it wouldn't be enough. Feeling Erwin squeezing his shoulder, he looked up to see Eren starting to panic "I'll get a doctor" Nodding, Levi rose to his feet "Eren. It's ok. You're ok. You're safe. I know you're scared and confused, but don't fight the breathing tube. Ok" Scared green eyes stared up at him miserably, Levi's own eyes welling with tears in response "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry we fought. Fuck, Eren. I'm just so fucking sorry" He wanted to take the distressed omega into his hold. He wanted to nuzzle into Eren's warmth and hold him close... instead he was pulled away from him as Erwin arrived back with help. With Eren's heart rate soaring sky high, the pair of them were asked to leave. Levi feeling every single second of his age as he dragged his feet. Eren was so fucking scared... scared of him. His words probably hadn't even reached him. They were only in the corridor for a matter of minutes before they were informed that he'd fallen back to sleep. Doctor talk for the brat had panicked so hard he'd passed out. Allowed back inside, this time Levi kept his distance, while Erwin awkwardly stood in the corner of the room. Where the fuck did they go from here? How did he bring the gorgeous and curious omega back to himself? He could barely face reality as it was, so how did he care for someone who's whole world had fallen into pieces all over again? "Levi?" "Erwin" "He'll be ok" "I don't know. He's going to need a lot of help to ever be ok again" "Help we can get him" "Can we? He was terrified" "Because he woke up with a tube down his throat. You know how disorienting it can be coming out of surgery, let alone to find you've got something shoved down your throat and can't dislodge it" "No. There was something more there..." "I think you're reading too far into it" "I don't. He was scared. He was fucking scared of me. I don't know what to do. I never know what to do" "I don't know about that" "Then what? You think I have some magical cure?" "Not a magical cure, per say. I think you have a bond with him. Out of all of us, you two are the closest" "It was me who drove him to run away" "No. It was Zeke. This. All of this. It's Zeke's fault" "Then why did he look so scared?" Driving the heels of his palms into eyes hard enough for red to bloom across the black, he shook his head "I should go. Being here is only going to upset him" "He's going to be more upset that you're not" "No. He's going to... he... fuck..." "Look. Why don't you get some sleep? You can take the chair. Take a nap and wait until he wakes again" "Until he wakes again, panics so badly he passes out, and the whole process repeats?" "It won't be that bad" "You say all of this... but you don't know" "Know what?" "I don't know..." Erwin snorted "It sounds to me like a nap is just what you need. I'll wake you if anything happens" "Wake me if Hanji comes. She doesn't want me around" Erwin's tone softened "Levi, you know that's not true" "It is. I've fucked everything up. I can't keep fighting with her. Not over Eren. Not when he wouldn't want it, and not with his history. He's seen more than enough anger and violence. Even if it isn't directed at him, he will still blame himself, and that... I can't live with that" Erwin took a deep breath, before exhaling slowly "I'll wake you" Feeling like a small child, Levi mumbled "Thank you" As promised, Erwin woke him when Hanji came off her shift. The woman looked completely wrecked, and it was now that Moblit also came to join them. Sitting by his bed, Hanji had hold of Eren's right hand "His chart said he woke briefly?" "Only for a few moments. He tried to fight the breathing tube, before falling back to sleep" "My poor sweetheart. Breathing tubes are horrible, but they're necessary. We're going to get you all better Eren" "Levi was the one who stayed with him when he woke" Erwin had no reason for saying that. None what so ever "He did? How was he? Did he recognise you?" He didn't want to fight, but Hanji really had her "mum" glasses on here. Whenever it came to Eren, her profession training seemed to crumble and it was almost like she'd never dealt with a patient before "He was fucking terrified" "A breathing tube will do that" "It wasn't the tube. I saw it in his eyes. He didn't want to be awake" "I wouldn't want to wake up to your ugly mug either" Erwin glanced his way, Levi shaking his head "Hanji, I know you love Eren. We all do. But you need to be prepared to accept he may not want to know us, or he may be simply too scared to let us back in. We all love you for your enthusiasm, and your special kind of crazy. It's just... none of us want to see you hurting if Eren freaks out because of his fear" "I... I know" "Do you? He may need professional help. The kind of help we can't give him. Are you prepared for that?" "What's the alternative? I fucking abandon him?" "No one is saying that" "No matter how scared he is, we'll find a way to work through it" It would be nice if life really worked like that. Eren had had a boatload of issues before they'd even met. Now the last of his family was dead, probably murdered right in front of him. Zeke's power over Eren had been so strong because the omega truly viewed him as his saviour, and now Eren had lost that. He'd lost his home and family all over again. If Zeke wasn't dead, Levi would have tracked him down himself... well, he would have kept trying to, as he'd never stopped looking for Eren and Zeke in the first place.

[falkberg]

The sergeant’s story IV - Silent Ones

Tales Beyond the Veil V The presence of the silent ones was all but tangible in my mind. In their vicinity, my mind was held by the encroaching feeling of dread, like an antelope faced with the predatory gaze of lions. These towering, unnatural things only reinforced my firm belief, that I did not belong in this world. Initially, I did not allow myself to approach what I presumed was their line of sight. Their conic heads had neither eyes or lenses, but a sixth sense seemed to fill my head with aching pain, whenever I came to close to where their heads were turned. Because of this, my path was formed into a winding pattern on the ashen road, where my traces drew a scribbled line into dust. Close by, there were always the smudgy traces of the crow-thing jumping forward. It looked at the silent metal giants with instinctive curiosity and circled them in hectic movement. Only very few showed signs of scavenging beasts and decay since the end of their battle. And a battle it had to have been, judging by the unyielding stance the silent ones had taken on. Both feet firm on the ground, their enormous bodies were leaned forward against an invisible force, their hands still in position to hold long staffs or rifles against the enemy. In rare instances, shrapnel and invisible forces had torn away limbs or pieces of their sturdy armor. Where their hulls had been opened, claw marks of scavenging beasts remained and dark, not quite oily residue had discolored their rugged flanks. What had caused them to freeze right there in this pose, I could not ascertain. I could only hope, that the enemy had no interest in me or my feeble life. When I fell in the hole, I let out a breathless scream and before I knew it, I sunk deep into a darkness that swallowed my body like a viscous pool. In the panic, I shut my mouth, to prevent the flaky ash from seeping in. My eyes were closed and I held my breath, as my hands helplessly flailed for solid ground. It was my staff that first touched something of substance and I pushed against it with all my force. Only after seconds of this blind and erratic struggle, I slowly realized that my descent had been stopped and I lay on the ground of the crevice that had been torn into the road. Around me, heavy, silky ash slowly settled. So smooth was the burned material, that I could hardly feel their resistance against my skin. Beneath me, there was nothing but soft and crumbling dirt that gave way to the slightest touch. In an effort not to sink any deeper, I stretched my arms in search of a solid edge. They touched a hard surface, but as I tried to pull myself up, the metal plates gave way and I heard a harsh grinding of decaying materials. A curse escaped my lips and I threw the arm of a metal body from me, that had enveloped me in a cruel imitation of human affection. 

When I finally managed to pull myself out, I had burrowed enough of the ash away to reveal the massive shell hole that had broken the road apart. Shards of metal still surrounded the edges of the rugged crater and on its side, there was the buried carcass of a silent one, that had been pushed over by the impacting force. Under any other circumstance, the imagery might have been eerily comical. The metal automaton still maintained its fighting stance when it had been thrown face down into the ash. Like a tin soldier, it had not budged an inch after it fell. More of its body was revealed where I had agitated the ash. Somehow, the commotion had peaked morbid curiosity in my crow-like companion. Maybe the thing hoped that I had broken a few bones or my neck in the fall. But as it hobbled closer, the crow-thing examined not me but the massive metal body on the ground. Before I could stop it, the metal crow jumped forward and began pecking at the elongated head. The sounds it made were terrible and hollow, like the dissonant ringing of cracked bells. The crow-thing was soon successful in its endeavor, as it broke the last remaining slivers with which the head was attached to the hollow body. An entwined entanglement of wires and chains was unveiled beneath, forming a second shell around darkness and shadow. All of it was covered in the blackened residue that had dripped outside and darkened the ash all around. If this was blood, it was none of the humankind. The dark, viscous drops reminded me more of ink than anything. Seeping away, the drops left traces in the earth and I could only think of the poison, that had killed other survivors before. My breaths were short and I spat as best my dry mouth could. The crow-thing, however, did not care for the few fresh drops that had gathered behind what amounted to the creatures mask. It dropped into the hollow body and moved around with intent. I myself was in a limbo between shock and nausea, as I watched the body slowly moving from the crow thing rummaging deep inside. Instincts screamed for flight and fight at the same time, but I did not dare to turn around, as I halfway expected the remaining silent ones to have surrounded us with silent steps. Clatter and rattles from the inside of the metal bowels intensified for a short moment before something was broken. Abruptly, the rigid structure of the thing gave way, as if all tendons had been cut at once. With a final clatter, the armor plating collapsed and violently pushed to one side by the crow-thing on the inside. It emerged from an orifice roughly where the human sternum would have been. As the red beak hacked its way between chain mail, it's sharp edges cut through the wires like paper and once more gave me an impression of the intense power these creatures wielded. Clearly, they were built – or born – to pick apart these hollow giants and perhaps that had saved me from their hunger. Being a stranger in this world was perhaps still preferable to being a well-known prey. With its claws, the crow-thing forced something else out of the silent one's body. Clasped by the metal talons of the damaged scavenger, the broken pieces it had plundered looked not unlike shriveled prunes, connected by silky bands of red tissue. Had I been not too parched, the dry retching that shook my body would have surely produced more than a dry cough. I turned away and fled the bellowing crow-thing dancing on the collapsed body. The something between its claws that was not of mechanical origin. The organs it had pulled out, were ones of a living, breathing thing and smelled like dead fish and kelp. Cowering on the barren floor, I felt a sudden trembling in my firmly clenched fists. With the last of my will, I held my breath and listened to the heartbeat of giants. Heavy, otherworldly rhythms, footsteps of an older god, were coming closer, through the earth itself. Despite all I had seen, I shook my head in disbelief, as I slowly lifted my gaze. One black, velvet sky, I saw the crowns of the Brobdingnagian Wall reach their zenith and fall, an avalanche of ash and steel, thundering down from the peaks that had borne the giants battlefield. The foot of the wall, that had finally reached my final destination did not await the growling thunder, that followed the marching wall in its step. It came over me and held hostage the last light in the sky. Shadows fell over my world and darkness enveloped me, deeper, than even the soul-less sky had been. Beyond the Wall, there was nothing and out of the darkness, I heard the deepest tone, ever to ring through the depths of a human soul. The trombones of Jericho and angelic choirs would have fallen silent next to the chime that erupted above the world and ripped the hills apart, reduced them to dust that was blown away in vibrations I felt deep within my spine. My head, clasped between my bone-white hands, seemed to become the very vessel of the terrible noise, that accompanied the fall of the skies and hillsides, the crumbling of all silent ones and their hollow bodies, that disintegrated instantly into shards of broken metal. Held by nothing but their last organic parts, the corpses of the metal host yielded in a final step before the Wall reached their empty grave and took back what had been left by the cataclysm that had left me in this world. Shadows playing behind the ashen face of the wall captured my mind, hypnotized and suppressed as it was, and showed me the internal workings of a machine so massive, that it spanned the world, one horizon to another. Through ash and curtains of dust, massive pillars of metal and stone pushed their way onwards, were rammed into the ground with such force, that tremors shook the open road. Each pillar, merely a spindly leg of the gargantuan machine behind, that was a mere shadow among the pale clouds. Smokestacks pumped into the air a deep blackness, interwoven with sparks and glowing cinder. The ground was thrown in waves by the march, that did not halt for any forces of the world. These legs, segmented hundred-fold, crushed beneath their stomping march anything and everything in their way. A force of nature, they pushed forward in massive strides, and moved over my head, as I was swallowed by the omniferous machine, merely a speck of dust in the path of the grandest destruction and creation any words could describe. My mind, numb from it all, did not think to flee. I curled up, like a bug in sheer sunlight, giving into my utter helplessness. Choirs of screaming and screeching metal sang to my pain and rains of oil dripped from sky-high towering machines, that were set in motion by forces beyond that of all stars in the sky. The black rain I could only feel, covered my face and my limbs, took away my breath with the addicting smell of acrid fumes and petroleum. Sticky, chemical moisture condensed on skin and fabric alike, suffocating my senses and thoughts. The darkness that enveloped my mind was absolute and what I recall from there on are mere smudges of memory, distorted by fear and helpless panic under the heels of colossal engines, of a world in motion and the cosmic clockwork that was ticking above my head. 

My foolish search for life, for what had survived the battles beyond Lethe had come to an end. I saw them marching, beneath a pendulum of polished brass, that swung out of the clouds, grazed the ground and disappeared once more. Automaton brothers in arms, united in perfect unison, a dark, brown block of moving metal, organized by the markings of unnatural masks, fueled by the dark liquid that they carried underneath their metal plates. Skirts of chain mail and rotating gears, encrusted in dry mud and slag decorated their moving figures.  Pikes, no less than 30 feet in length, rose in their perfect formation. Their spearheads formed a phalanx topped with glittering, static lightning. The first in line dipped their pikes to the ground. Arched lightning and sparks of electricity set the oil aflame, where it formed pools on scorched earth. Patterns of fire erupted on the road, cutting off all routes to flee. Lit by these new flames, the entrails of the marching wall shone in a new, blood-red daylight, that began with a rain of fire. In the shadows, I hid beneath my coat of woven fabric, ducked my head into the crevice of the road and watched, as the mechanical troops marched over me thousandfold, line by line, rank by rank, silent and without a voice, but trampling louder than any human army ever could.  No drums directed their march, no song ordered their intent. There was nothing but the foghorns in the dark beyond, that forced them forward and the sound of devilish whips, that cracked in an ungodly manner. Beyond the figures of towering, humanoid giants, wheels were turning and lights flickering in endless machinery. Coils of brass and iron, helices of unknown, shimmering metal, turned and rotated high in the air. Showers of sparks fell down, where cogs intertwined in a rigid dance of mechanical function, the likes of which should have impossible in my mind. The geometry of their assembly was painful to watch, their constant movement a nauseating experience on the human eye. And above all, the purpose of these mysterious machines was a secret that came close to every step. New and unfamiliar odors filled the air. The sharp, stinging stench of boiling tar, accompanied by refined oils and burning fire, thick smoke, and acidic chemicals, all mixed together to a choking atmosphere, that I could not breathe a second longer. Hastily I took the gas mask from my belt, forcing it over my face with trembling hands. The choking mass of ash that had found its way into the hood blinded me for seconds but did not deter my effort for long. Too much heat and acidic burning leaked into my nose and lungs, taking over all senses and forcing me to hold my breath with burning lungs, despite vertigo that mauled my mind. I fastened the hood as best I could and dirty goggles protected my eyes, as the world became darker and darker. My sight impaired, all sense of direction and scale was gone. All I could feel with utmost certainty was the approaching flood of deadly fire. Half blind, half choking I moved out of my hiding spot, hunted by the waving heat of liquid tar, that formed a black stream in burning flames of oil on the wall.  The pouring gasses and smoke from the outside did not subside, but my eyes stopped watering for just a little while. I could find a way forward, away from the marching footsteps, and closer to the destructive machinery that had begun ripping the last pieces of road apart, replacing them with deep gouges in the ground, that was soon to fill up with liquid tar and metal rods. Mechanical machines, pulled by the marching pillars of the front, flattened hills and ditches, trenches and traps, in a grinding network of mills and plows, that turned the earth upside down. In between the turning wheels, pieces of metal and wreckage alike were picked apart and melted into rivers of burning iron, that I saw as orange lines in the ground, here and there forming new and geometrical shapes. Their forms were like runes, part of a sigil that was slowly drawn into the sand by machinery and brought to life by the living metal poured therein. Instinctively, I held both hands above my head and ducked under the thundering sky of metal gears. Every second, I awaited the sky to fall and crush me with its pure presence. Hopes, of finding an ally, survivor or anything among the roaring hell, had left my mind entirely. I was left with little more than a will to survive, that was constantly struggling against the freezing fear and my rational thought, that pleaded me to accept this fate and await death by this thing, that had come to envelop the entirety of my world. My eyes wide open, staring into mechanical hellfire, I found a chance to escape certain doom in the boiling surge of tar. Ships on the verge of the boiling ocean, mighty dreadnoughts and steamers that made their way through the tumultuous sea of churned earth pushed forward through the remnants of hills. A bow wave of debris forced me away, as I looked onto them from a distance. Packed with coiled towers and armored tanks, turning wheels and what looked like ancient trebuchets, these moving islands of metal and steam moved mast me at a walking pace. Their portholes stared like dead fish eyes back at myself, and showed reflections of a broken man, walking among a sea of fire and flames. Smaller boats, dragged by chains, pushed by turning blade wheels followed, filled with moving contraptions and lights, that seemed only marginally less natural than those of the marching silent ones. To these, I was automatically drawn, as they were the only place I could reach and the only things even remotely familiar in this place. I ran, if only to have a goal at all in my flight from the boiling tar, that was slowly encroaching the land on all sides. These ships, if anything, seemed like vessels that would sustain their life even though the tar pits of fire and heat. In my state of drought and fear, every step was like a marathon of old. Throwing all hope of a future away, I emptied the last sips from my flask in one turn and wagered my life on the reinvigorating quality, that had seemed so unnatural before. Pushing myself forward with each step, I leaped forward and towards the roaring machine, that was closest to my open road. As I got closer, I could see the metal flanks of the ship, the studs and iron scaffolding, that held the hull together. I forced myself closer, looking for a place to grasp on the grates that were hung from the decks high above. Nothing was left to be lost.

[phannyphannyphan]

More Than A Little Gang Activity (Part 1)

A/N: Hey so Ive never written a phanfiction thats more than a one shot and this one will have at least 3 parts maybe 4. Anyways if you would read this i would really really appreciate it. Thank you so much!! Words: 1.2K (not very long) Warnings: Gang!AU, pastel!dan, punk!phil, slight smut, age difference (dan 17, phil 22), kind of someone forcing themselves on someone kind of TW: None *************************************** Phil was the leader of one of the most infamous gangs in town, he was someone everyone knew not to mess with. He had black hair with blue streaks that were a few shades darker than his ice blue eyes, wore all black (and leather of course), and had snakebites and his eyebrow pierced and an endless number of tattoos littering his body. Nobody came near Phil when he was mad except for Dan. Dan was his boyfriend who the complete opposite from him. Dan wore cropped pastel sweaters, shirts, and tank tops with short shorts, sometimes skirts or jeans. Dan was Phil's baby boy and everybody knew that, no one even dared to check Dan out or else they would hear from Phil and it wouldn’t be pretty. Dan was Phil’s pastel princess and Phil loved him with everything he had. He was normally intimidating with a scowl on his face unless he was with his shorter, younger boyfriend, then he softened up a bit. But he still always looked slightly pissed because he could see all the looks everyone gave Dan looking him up and down, licking their lips then quietly whispering things their friends. This pissed Phil off but once they saw who the cute pastel boy was with they immediately looked away noticing Phil staring knives into them. Phil was extra protective of Dan, and hated anyone who dared to mess with him, since there were other gangs in town and Dan was only seventeen still being a junior in high school while Phil was five years older than him. If there was anybody Phil hated more it was PJ Liguori. He was the second in charge of the opposing gang in town and Phil didn’t only hate him because he was in a different gang but he hated him because he was also in high school as a senior and happened to go to the same school as Dan. This might not have bothered Phil as much as it did if Dan and PJ hadn’t been a thing a couple of years before Phil and him had met. But since they had been a thing this bothered the fuck out of Phil. PJ had been the one who broke Dan’s heart and left him because he decided the gang he was joining was much more important than his 15-year-old boyfriend who had not only fallen in love with him but had given him his virginity. PJ hadn’t talked to Dan in a little under 2 years not even having a thought about him, until he started dating Phil. Suddenly PJ became very interested in Dan again and began to do everything he could to get him in bed again. PJ never thought much of having dated Dan but once he figured out the leader of the opposing gang was dating his ex, he started talking about how hot Dan was and basically wore the fact he had taken Dan’s virginity as a pin on his shirt. Phil knowing that Dan had been with PJ, not only been with him but gave his virginity to him, was right on time every day after school to pick Dan up.  Don’t get it wrong Phil let Dan have friends and he was fine with all of them but he knew if he left Dan alone after school PJ might try to talk to him or feel him up and Dan, being the person he is, would never try to hurt someone else even if he had no other choice. He was the kind of person who tried to talk situations down rather than get violent, he despised hurting people even if it was an accident, he just hated it. That was one thing Dan didn’t like about Phil being in a gang was that he was always violent if someone pissed him off, but Phil promised to never beat someone up or hurt anybody when Dan was around and that made him feel better. *************************************** Dan had just gotten out of school and, as always, began walking out of the school building to meet Phil at his car. Dan walked right past PJ in the hall and had seen him checking him out quickly looking away hoping he wouldn’t catch his gaze. “Hey, princess” PJ shouted at Dan as he walking away, this made Dan uncomfortable because that’s what Phil called him not anyone else. PJ noticed this bothered him so he ran to catch up to the small boy and grabbing his arm and pushing him against the wall. “You know, baby, if you ever want something better than your shitty boyfriend call me. You know I can give you a good time,” he said winking. Dan was looking at him in disgust and was about to say something before PJ quickly smashed his lips to Dan’s pushing his tongue in his mouth. Dan instinctively began kissing back feeling nostalgic as he remembered the taste of his mouth and was quickly pulled into PJ’s trap. PJ grabbed Dan by the belt loops of his shorts so he could push him further up against the wall, noticing his already semi hard cock. Dan eyes immediately shot open as he felt PJ begin to grind into him and realized what was happening and began to pull away “Wait PJ stop. I have Phil. This is wrong. I don’t want this” Dan said turning his head away. I don’t want you,” PJ didn’t stop and moved his kisses to his neck where he knew Dan had a weak spot and sucking a spot onto him. Dan moaned and dropped his head back still trying to push PJ away but it felt so good he didn’t want to stop but he had to. He loved Phil and Phil loved him and all PJ had ever done was broken his heart. “Okay I’m sorry PJ you have to get off.” Dan said a little more harshly. “You sure that’s actually what you want?” he teased. “Yes, I said stop.” PJ finally stopped, kissing his way back to Dan’s mouth, “Okay, baby but if you want to continue this just call me. You know my number.” PJ said smoothly backing away from Dan leaving him slightly breathless against the wall. Dan’s eyes were wide as he stood there replaying what just happened looking down to see he was still hard. “Hey Dan are you okay?” someone asked Dan looked up nervously then relaxing once he realized it was Louise. “Um…Yeah fine. I was just.. just thinking.” he said unsurely. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit…off” she said. “No I’m fine really. It’s nothing” he said hoping she wouldn’t look down and notice the obvious erection in his tight lavender shorts. She looked at him strangely then began to walk away, grabbing his arm pulling him through the school as he mindlessly followed. The minute he got outside of the school he shot his head up looking for Phil, he immediately spotted him seeing the glint of his piercings in the sun then giving Louise a quick good bye as he ran towards Phil’s car, trying to wish away his boner. What was he going to tell Phil?

[desiror]

My Letter To You

From day one you caught my eye You made me crazy but i never tried Cuz my homie was talkin shit constantly So i rejected you unconsciously And kept my feelings to myself Till i find the strength to tell you how i felt By the end of sec 5 Ive dated a couple girls, and you a couple guys But none of them are even comparable To these feelings that are unbearable Fuck it, im gonna tell you i got too Im about to, till my bestfriend calls dibs on you... First semester and were closer than ever Were both dating others, but were always together You're in love with this guy, guess i gotta stay as a friend I put my emotions aside, till your relationship ends That was the plan, till you say you had feelings for me before What the fuck man, now i just love you even more... Im still with her, and you're still with him I have no other choice but to keep my emotions hidden It was all workin till one day Your boyfriend moved far away I figured i couldnt miss another opportunity To make this finally just you n me For the first time, we chilled outside of college At this point, my feelings for her have abolished It all happened when we went clubbing Holding your hand, our bodies touching Sparked the feeling ive always been searching for The one that confirmed my heart is yours One day we got high, and you came over You were having a bad vibe, so i gave you my shoulder Suddenly my heart start ed to beat Faster than when you pop ecstacy We started gettin touchy, then things got out of hands No time to think, our hands are down eachothers pants Felt so overjoyed when i woke up I felt happier then when i smoke up Cant stop smiling, im so in love It felt like a dream, for sure it was You even said that you love me, it cant get better We talked about us in the future, being together No regrets, but it does feel wrong Ive been waiting for this so long Now theres no way i can stay with her I put it to an end, didnt expect it to feel so bitter I feel heart broken, this is so hard But the thought of our future, fixes my heart No interest in other girls, im just waitin You're my first priority, i aint playin Imma help you through it, no problem You asked about my feelings for her, how i stopped em I didnt say, but girl you're the answer I thought of how happy ill be with you after I know we said we'd both take our time But baby you're always on my mind Whats also on my mind is the fact That you're the one fighting for his stupid ass Yet you keep telling me how much you hate him Then why dont you drop him? Stop debatin Damn, it felt like years but its finally ova You gonna be so much happier baby imma show ya The only thing right now in my head Is to make you the happiest girl, till the day im dead But theres only one thing that i ask Please baby, dont go back to your past.. i held you tight in my arms and felt you cry I said to you alright just forget this guy You answered no, i cry because im scared to lose you Im so lost tho, howd this even come up to you? You just broke up and thats what you have to say I cant let you use me to get over him this way Exams are keeping me busy, i cant be there all the time You're going through a lot you gotta keep yourself occupied But the way you resorted to is worse Partying and doing drugs till you're out of this universe But as long as i know you're gonna be there for me When summer comes, "this"ll all just be in your memory We havent spoken to eachother in a long time Just sittin here, waiting for you to become mine I hear about you through a friend of ours So what you do now is tinder and get nailed for hours?! I been shaking all day but thats not even why I feel like everything you ever said to me was just a big lie I thought i was addicted to smoking cigs Until i realized what a real addiction is Just the thought of you gives me the worst shakes Quitting got me trembling, but you give me earthquakes The smoke stops the flow of my blood when i grow old But you just froze my blood and made it go cold Right now i cant feel nothing else but hatred I thought we had something but i guess you faked it You were scared to lose me as a friend But in the end you lost all of me cuz now im dead i cant belive you went back to the person you were I knew it was gonna happen, i shouldve backed out sooner You lied to me, and fucked me over bad But for real, thats not what got me this mad Im angry at the fact you didnt say nothing I guess while i was waiting you thought i was gone or something Cuz you didnt even say we werent gonna happen You left me to wait, while you were with other guys laughin I havent yet told you whats on my mind We havent been alone in a long ass time You act like nothing ever happened and it kills me So much hatred inside, seeing you just fills me But i cant stop myself from seeing you Losing you would be worse than us being through Alright so were gonna act like nothing happened But dont expect me to be often laughin And dont you fuckin dare say that it meant nothing "Not like i had feelings for him we were just fucking" Bitch ill fuckin kill you why you doin this shit Stop lying, everything that comes out of you is fiction I expected you to fall before we be together But then i thought youd rise and be with me forever But thats where i fucked up thinking this through Cuz instead of only "this" in your memory, you put me too I dont want to believe that im just some other guy But i am, once again i fell for another lie Were going out for a birthday, i got a lot of shit to say I havent seen you in days, but i wont say it today Cuz i need to speak to you once were alone So lets just enjoy this night like we did a long time ago Im looking for other girls but you're the only one i see While you're with other guys, grinding behind me Grinding was fine but now you're hookin up I keep drinking but i dont think i took enough All i see is you constantly kissing him I just wish it was me i guess im missing it And to worsen it you bring him with us all night Being all cligny next to me, how can you think this is alright? Every once in a while i get a message from you "I miss you homie", but you never come through If i say it back ill be the only one to mean it And that i know for a fact so i wont repeat it Im trying to scar but you keep coming back to press On this wound that you inflicted as you left For some reason i was still hopin youd become mine But now you have a boyfriend im fully done tryin You said you didnt wanna start over with a new guy "I want someone im close to" bitch you lied Dating a dude you just met i dont understand Am i not exactly what you want according to wut ur sayin Its like you enjoy putting yourself in misery Ill never understand i guess itll stay a mystery You left me once again for a random dude Im done thinking of this im changing my attitude Im done suffering bitch finally this pain's over Im done waiting bitch now its game over -Anonymous

[artificialqueens]

Cradle Part 3 (Thorgy x Violet) by Vanguard

I saw a fic where another author’s name was Pixie so if I have to change my name just look up artificial Pixie to find my blog (can’t remember if it’s theArtificialPixie or just ArtificialPixie) and lemme know. I do not mind changing my name/blog at all! I would feel horrid if I took someone else’s name!

The queens are mostly referred to by their stage names with a smattering of boy names in the mix. Pronouns are he/him or they them for Violet and any other Enby friends unless they are in drag. IF you are wondering, my preferred pronouns are they/them but if you forget, I’m pretty forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes. LOL keep that in mind when you read this.

Thoughts are in apostrophes, for example ‘This reader feedback makes my day!’ Pixie thought happily. (hint, hint, hint!)

Part 3

CW: Blood, Violence, Distress and all that good shit

Thorgy opened his eyes blearily and blinked a few times, everything was unfocused. Someone was holding his hand but let go quickly.

“Hey sleepyhead…”

‘What the fuck? Why is Acid with me in my room and why is my head pounding?’ Thorgy thought, trying to remember what he had done last night but it was a big blur. Probably drank too much he surmised. He really should remember though. Everything, including his vision, was blurry.

“Thorgeles, I have your glasses here.” Acid said in a low gentle voice instead of his usual rough bark.

“That’s why I can’t see!” Thorgy exclaimed dramatically with a little giggle as he put on his glasses.

His eyes widened as he looked around a hospital room where he was laying in a bed, IV in one arm, blood pressure cuff on the other and wearing an ugly blue gown.

“Wha…?” Thorgy felt his body for any broken bones, why was he here? “What happened?” Thorgy questioned Acid confusedly, still looking around for clues as to why he was here.

Acid inhaled and gravely said “Shane…” uh oh boy names are for serious shit. “There was an accident last night…” Acid broke off again.

“oh! That’s probably why I can’t remember anything!” Thorgy exclaimed, sitting up straight in the bed and then growing serious again, “what happened to me? Is everyone else ok? Am I going to be ok?” Thorgy’s brows knitted together with concern.

“Okay,” Acid sighed, his bottom lip quivering. “First I have a question.”

“Ask away!” Thorgy said, leaning back on the bed. His head was paining him greatly and he wondered if he had hit it off of something during the accident. His eyes were still darting around the room as if there might be a clue somewhere.

“Shane, focus!” Acid begged, the use of his boy name AGAIN meant something serious so he nodded and tried to concentrate despite the banging and clanging of his head. “Are you and Violet together?”

Thorgy instantly felt a twinge of anger at Katya for telling when he thought they had an understanding that he wouldn’t. “Yes we are, did Katya tell you?” He whined, annoyed. “We have been for awhile, please don’t tell anyone.”

“Katya didn’t tell me.”

“Well then, how did you know?”

“ Your reaction last night. You don’t remember anything?” Acid asked, dreading having to tell Thorgy what had happened if he couldn’t remember.

Thorgy tried to focus past his sore brain and flashes of memory flickered through his head but he couldn’t put them together right away.

Flashes of blood, someone’s terrified screaming, red fabric. It made no sense. Someone fell, the image of someone falling through air. ‘It couldn’t been me though,’ Thorgy thought. He saw the person who fell, it wasn’t him so who was falling?

Memories tickled his brain but evaded capture. He just could not put the pieces back together, it was like a puzzle he bought at a yard sale that was missing half of the pieces.

Acid looked at Thorgy as he was deep in thought, he didn’t know whether he should continue to let him remember or just explain it.

Thorgy bent over himself, with his head in his hands as he let out a groan. Acid heard “My head hurts so bad” mumbled from near his knees.

“Do you want me to get a nurse?”

Thorgy didn’t really respond in words but continued to hold his head and grind his teeth together. Acid was feeling very worried. Acid jogged out to the nurses desk where he got the attention of a nurse who was writing in a file.

“Hey hi, I think my friend needs help. Room 231. Please, as soon as possible.”

“I’ll be there in one minute ok hun?”

“Thank you, he’s really suffering.” Acid said and walked back to Thorgy’s room, halfway there he heard the most pitiful keening cry he had ever heard. He was surprised when he walked into the room and found it was Thorgy weeping uncontrollably.

Acid ran up to Thorgy who had either sunk down willingly or had fallen onto the floor, hands up to his head. He had ripped out his IV and there was an alarmingly large trail of blood down his arm that had dripped onto the floor.  Acid put his hand on Thorgy’s shoulder and he jumped. He looked up at Acid and then back down. He hugged his knees up to his chest and put his head down on them, still holding the sides like his brains might escape his ears if he didn’t. Still wailing which Acid knew it had to be hurting poor Thorgy’s brain.

“I re..rem…ember what ha…happened t..t..to Vi.” Thorgy sobbed out. His head hurt so fucking bad. He remembered most of it, Violet’s face as she fell, her scream, he remembered not being able to move when it happened and wanting to just pull Violet into his arms and not being able to. But, that was all he remembered. That didn’t explain why HE was in the hospital.

“Why am..am I in he..re? Where is Vi..Violet?” He pleaded, stopping every few words to take in a ragged breath.

“I’ll explain it,” Acid said calmly, “AFTER you get back in bed. Did you fall?”

Thorgy nodded, crying too hard to talk.

“Oh my God Shane, what the fuck were you thinking?!” Acid said as he put his hands out to help Thorgy up but his foot slipped in the gruesome puddle of blood. Acid basically had to pick up Thorgy and help him sit on the side of the bed. He laid down and curled into a ball. Acid grabbed up a bunch of scratchy, thin, hospital tissues and pressed them to Thorgy’s bleeding arm.

Thorgy’s crying was losing force and he had gone from wailing loudly to crying silently his shoulders shaking, taking in large gulps of air and staring straight ahead at the wall despondently. He wanted to be with Violet, his heart craved them, he was panicked at the thought that they were hurt and all alone. He hoped Katya was with them.

The nurse came in, scandalized that Thorgy had removed his IV but looking concerned at his grimace while holding his head.

“How bad is your pain, out of 10.”

Thorgy reluctantly removed his hands from his head to hold up all 10 fingers, still to upset to talk. His hands returned to his head and he put his head down.

The pain in his heart was way worse. It was about 1000 out of 10. How could he have let down Violet so badly? He felt numb with disappointment in himself.

He jumped when he felt a prick in his hand as the nurse put in a new IV. “Now DON’T pull this one out.” She chastised him firmly, “I will be right back.”

Thorgy felt the numbness he was feeling wash out of him. He felt rage replacing it. “I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO BE HERE!” He yelled at her as she was about to leave, completely uncharacteristic for his usually mild mannered personality. He started wailing again, bringing his hands up to his face. Occaisionally shouting things like “I SHOULDN’T BE HERE” “i SHOULD BE WITH THEM” and “THEY ARE ALL ALONE HERE!”

“I know sir, I know. Let’s get you better and then you can go to your loved one. You will be NO help to them if you leave and you are still ill.” The nurse said in a loud whisper. He had to quiet down to hear her, she must have repeated it at least 10 times and when he finally heard it all, he nodded resignedly. “We will get you feeling better as SOON as possible, I promise. I will be right back but I NEED you to calm down so we don’t have a repeat of last night. Ok sir?”

Thorgy shared a look with Acid, whose eyes looked sad and then nodded mutely and she left the room. Acid sat down again beside him and put his hand on Thorgy’s shoulder.

“What happened last night? What does she mean Jamin? Tell me everything, I need to know EVERYTHING!”

Acid felt his stomach tighten, he had dreaded this inevitable conversation.

Acid tried to figure out how to to fill Thorgy in on what happened without really telling him how bad it got or what he did. Acid remembered every single vivid detail.

The paramedics were getting Violet on a stretcher, she had a collar around her neck and a loose bandage on her thigh with the bone still sickly sticking out.

Thorgy was holding onto him in a death grip with his frozen, shaking hands and sobbing so a paramedic came to reassure him and see if he was hurt, by then Violet was gone to be loaded in the ambulance.

The paramedic knelt down by Thorgy who was pale and sweaty, he couldn’t seem to get enough air, Acid surmised that it was because he had been crying so hard. A paramedic looked into Thorgy’s eyes and took his pulse and blood pressure then called for a second ambulance.

Acid thought it was a bit of an over exaggeration at first but Thorgy seemed to decline in front of his very eyes.

Thorgy didn’t fight when they put him in the ambulance and Acid jumped up to sit beside him, growing increasingly concerned. The paramedic was reassuring Thorgy as he pulled an oxygen mask onto his face and Acid had reached forward to hold his hand. Thorgy became more and more confused and dazed until he couldn’t answer their questions like what day is it? What city are we in? Then Thorgy suddenly went lax and Acid let go of him to allow the paramedic enough space to work.

They arrived at the hospital a minute later and a swarm of people descended upon Thorgy.

Acid was relieved when they let him stay in a corner of the room out of the way instead of making him wait outside. The only time they closed the curtain was when they changed him into a gown. Acid didn’t bother to tell them he had seen every inch of Thorgy’s body, kissed every inch of it too.

When they opened the curtain, they had hooked Thorgy up to a myriad of wires that Acid didn’t know what they did but he hoped they would help Thorgy.

One of the nurses started an IV. The words shock, rapid heart rate and low blood pressure flew around the room while they worked to stabilize Thorgy. Acid bit down on his cheek so hard he tasted blood.

Thorgy started to stir, “Hello Sir!” A nurse said loudly, “You’re in the hospital but we are gonna take good care of you.” She talked to him like he was a 4 year old and Acid wrinkled his nose in disgust at the patronizing tone.

Thorgy sat bolt upright, “Where is Violet? Where is Jason Dardo? I DON’T NEED ALL OF THIS!! WHERE IS JASON?” He bellowed in the nurse’s face as he started ripping wires off himself. Acid was taken aback by the look of madness in his friend’s normally mild mannered face, his eyes were wide, as he was bellowing. Spittle flying everywhere from the vehemency of his shout.

“Sir, please calm down.” A burly male nurse came over, punting the other nurse back behind him as if Thorgy might punch her, which Acid thought was kinda overreacting.

Then Thorgy actually did take a swing at him! 6 medical people tackled and restrained him as he tried to thrash out of their hold. He was screaming obscenities, and looking possessed. Acid was petrified. What the fuck was happening? One of them bellowed something to a nurse in the corner who got out a stupidly big needle that one of the people jabbed into Thorgy’s arm. He thrashed for a few minutes slowly winding down like a toy with a drained battery, his eyes rolled back and he lay still.

Acid wiped a tear off his cheek roughly, hoping they wouldn’t see. The petite nurse Thorgy yelled at did see and Acid cursed in his mind as she came over. She patted Acid’s arm. “He’s going to be ok sir, we just didn’t want him to hurt himself or anyone else. He is in shock, it sometimes causes anger.”

“Is he going to be in trouble for trying to hit that guy?” Acid said, biting his lip, his tooth clanging off of his lip ring. Getting in trouble with the law could make travelling difficult and that was the majority of their profession.

Acid was worried about more monumental things like would Violet be ok? Would Thorgy as well? But if he thought of those things, he would fall completely apart or his brain would implode so small inconsequential shit would have to be thought about.

“No, no he won’t, don’t worry. He wasn’t aware of what he was doing.”

Acid let out a big breath of air, “Thank God!”

Acid shifted his eyes past the nurse to Thorgy, someone had reattached the wires and Thorgy was laying there, totally out, makeup smeared across his face by tears and his own frantic hands.

His ex laying unconscious in a hospital bed was breaking his heart. He liked to say he didn’t have a heart but Thorgy had found it and encouraged him use it. He couldn’t wall it away with brick and mortar again.

“Can I wash his face off?” Acid asked awkwardly.

“Sure you can! If you want to. Or I can do it if you’d rather.”

“No, no! I don’t mind.”

She went to the cupboard and got a washcloth, wetting it at the sink and handing Acid the steaming cloth. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, it’s most likely that he won’t wake up til tomorrow. The doctor will probably admit him for observation for the night.”

“Oh ok.” Acid said dumbly as the nurse left.

Acid walked up to his bedside and whispered “Oh Shane, what have you done to yourself?” He let the tears come then, hot trails down his cheeks They were splashing onto Thorgy as he gently removed the smeared makeup. Occasionally he went to wring the cloth and he would come back and look at Thorgy again and feel like someone was stabbing him in his heart with a rusty icepick.

When he finished, he looked around surreptitiously and then caressed Thorgy’s cheek and kissed him on the lips softly.

“I WILL win you back Shane, I promise you.” Acid whispered, straightening up quickly as the nurse came back in.

“So I was right, we are going to keep him overnight since he lost consciousness and we need to monitor his blood pressure because it dropped pretty low as well as his psychotic break. We just want to make sure he’s ok.”

“Psychotic break?” Acid croaked out. It seemed like such a harsh term for his gentle friend.

“Yes but he will most likely be back to himself tomorrow.”

“Do you have any news about his…” Acid paused as it hurt him to say it, “boyfriend Jason Dardo?”

“No news yet, I have been looking since he got so upset about him and there hasn’t been new information. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, it’s not your fault.”

2 nurses came in and told Acid to follow them as they took Thorgy’s gurney to the second floor. The worst was when they slid him onto the bed, his head flopped backwards like a newborn baby’s, his leg fell out of the sheet they were transferring him on so Acid lifted it up so it wouldn’t be under him. Thorgy just slept on.

They all left and the nurse said she would be back in a moment. Thorgy was just in his short blue gown so Acid covered him up and kissed his forehead and then pulled up a chair by the bed. He reached through the bars of the bed guard and grabbed Thorgy’s hand. He knew he shouldn’t but, he just wanted to be close to him.

Acid eventually fell asleep, sitting upright and he never let go of Thorgy’s hand. He woke up when the nurses came in and at one point he got an update about Vi.

“Earth to Acid, come in Acid.” Thorgy said, looking at the deep-in-thought queen. ”Please Jamin, just tell me?” Thorgy pleaded, removing his hands from his head and putting his hand over Acid’s. It was the first time Thorgy had touched him without him initiating it, like the hug last night, since their breakup and it made him shiver.

Thorgy pulled his hand away like he had touched an open flame and returned them to his head. He knew he needed space from Acid and Acid needed space from him but it seemed like the only way to fully get his attention. He still loved Acid and of course Acid still loved him, he could see it in the way the usually brusque queen’s eyes softened when he looked toward him.

“So when Violet had her accident, you were really upset of course. You were crying so hard it was hard for you to talk, when the ambulance got there you were starting to look ill. You were sweaty and pale and so a paramedic came to check you out, they said your heart rate was really high and your blood pressure was low and you couldn’t catch your breath, then you…” Acid paused for a moment to think of the words to use.

“Then I did WHAT Jamin? Just tell me!”

The nurse came in and Thorgy wanted to tell her to get out so he could find out what Acid was hesitant to tell him, it must be bad. He managed to keep his composure while she gave him some medication, which seemed to take effect in a minute or two while she checked his vitals. He lowered his hands, finally. His brain no longer felt like it was going to explode.

“I will be back to check on you.” The nurse said and then nodded her head towards a breakfast tray as she was leaving. “Try to eat something please.”

Thorgy waited til she left and then turned towards Jamin again. “So what happened?”

“Ok so in the ambulance you were getting more and more confused then you actually passed out just before we got here. once you woke up at the hospital, you got very angry and you tried to punch one of the nurses.”

“Oh my God! Shit! I don’t even remember that happening! Am I in trouble?”

“No not at all, they said you were in shock and not responsible for your actions.”

“Oh good! I still feel bad though. I can’t believe I did that!”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, he moved out of the way so you didn’t actually hit him. Then a bunch of people jumped on you and knocked you out so you didn’t hurt yourself. Or them!” Acid said wryly

“That’s why my body hurts. I’ve never been tackled before! Well I am glad I didn’t hurt anyone!” Thorgy took in a deep breath to ask the question that had been on his mind since he woke up but had been sidetracked by his head hurting. “What have you heard about Jason?”

Acid thought telling Thorgy what happened to him was hard. How the fuck could even start to tell him about Violet?