#and like i found that is a weird outlier question

[mai-komagata]

last reblog about the autistic kid

one thing i never check in "are you autistic" quizzes is "do you like routine" b/c i don't like routine. I find it boring. I like traveling and doing random things today and not doing all the boring repetitive chores. But! i do like knowing what will happen when. I like 30 min warnings for things. I want to see the hiking trail map before we go. I like being able to rehearse scripts and interactions in my head ahead of time. I want to know the order things will happen and when. I don't want boring same every time sex but i want to know what we are doing beforehand (maybe this is why bdsm appeals). We can do a last minute thing, just let me context switch appropriately. Anyway, the story had the parents being like "this kid cannot do anything without a routine" and the babysitter is like "i just needed to let them know things were happening with some warning". And like, yeah, if people refuse to give you warnings you resort to routines b/c its better than being surprised. Like maybe "autistics desire routine" is more like "autistics desire being able to emotionally prepare for the day, and routine is a convenient way to do that, vs actually giving them agency or communicating."

[fierceawakening]

So I have a weird tmi question.

Is “men are hornier than women” actually true? Because (though I’m not sure I’m a woman) I’ve always heard that it is, but I’ve always wondered how that would be possible without being driven to distraction all the time.

Like. I (here’s the tmi) masturbate pretty much daily, it’s a routine before I sleep. But men are supposed to be more into this than me. To put it crudely, where do they find the time and place to do this more than once a day, unless they’re retired? That just seems like a recipe for getting fired very embarrassingly someday.

But I’ve been watching some YouTube videos exposing crooked stuff about the Mormon church, and they’re talking about shaming men for “sex and porn addiction,” and the men are saying their frequency of masturbation was once every TWO WEEKS, and they thought they were total hounds because the Church shamed them for that!

And I mean, those dudes are in a cult, so they probably WANT more freedom, but given more freedom would they really do this more than me? I’m pretty sure I’ve just found the limit of the practical here.

So I dunno. Am I an outlier, or is that actually Not Very Sexual compared to the bepenised/testosterone-dominant?

(If not, I am VERY amusedly curious about how distracted I’ll be if I do start testosterone…)

[circus4apsycho8]

unconditionally. | garmadon x reader | chapter iii

𝚊/𝚗: 𝚑𝚒 𝚊𝚕𝚕! 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚊 𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚝𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚒'𝚟𝚎 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚒'𝚟𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛! 𝚒'𝚟𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚊 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚎 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑.

𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚕𝚕 - 𝚒 𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚣𝚎, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚒 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚌𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗. 𝚒 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢’𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚜 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚒𝚍𝚕𝚢. 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚘 𝚏𝚎𝚊𝚛 – 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚓𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝟷-𝟸 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜, 𝚠𝚎 𝚜𝚔𝚎𝚍𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝!

𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚢, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒 𝚊𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎! 𝚌𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚖𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝚘𝚛 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕).

𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚕𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚜 𝚊 𝚜𝚖𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚎𝚗𝚍. 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚔𝚒𝚙 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 - 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚇𝚇𝚇 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜. 𝟷𝟾+ 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢!

𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎. 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢!

𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢’𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎����𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝, 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎.

unconditionally. | garmadon x reader | chapter iii

“And that’s when you sealed the snakes up?” Lloyd questions, now sitting up. The boy seems to realize something, his eyes widening. “Wait, did you meet Pythor when you did?!” 

“I did not, although Kai’s parents might have considering that they were the ones tasked with the Anacondrai’s tomb,” Wu admits. “We arrived later than the others since we were busy sorting the remaining matters out with the leader of the Ninjago Guard.” 

Lloyd smiles. “It would have been weird if you saw him all that time ago compared to now.” 

Wu chuckles, nodding in agreement. “Indeed.”

“So, what did you guys do after the war?” Lloyd wonders. “I bet you guys had a lot of stuff you wanted to do!” 

The elderly man sighs softly, shaking his head. “Not exactly. For people like your mother, preparing for war was all she ever knew. She had trained her entire life, only to realize that despite her hard work, the enemy was still stronger. So, once peace returned to Ninjago, she found herself…lost, in a sense. The three of us agreed that we wanted to continue training together. Sometimes, your parents embarked on sparing missions across Ninjago. I would accompany them occasionally, but I decided that I wanted to prepare to adopt pupils within the next few years. So, I spent most of my days working on the monastery - I built the training course, developed curriculum, added extra rooms, and made sure everything was in order while they traveled.” 

“Pupils? You mean like the ninja?” 

“Oh, no, Lloyd. At this time, only Kai and Cole had been born - and they were just babies by then. I assume Zane was likely built by then too, but we had not met his father yet.” 

“So…you had a group before them?” 

“Certainly. The first pupil came as something of a surprise – she was more of an outlier when compared to my other students. It was Onyx’s daughter – Lilly.” 

“Wait, Cole’s mom?” Lloyd verifies. 

“Yes. Your mother met her in between traveling, while Lilly was training, and befriended her quickly. But more about that later. For now, let me tell you about how your parents readjusted after the war. Soon enough, it was nearly time for Ray and Maya to be wed. Additionally, some of us were beginning to raise the next generation of elemental masters...” 

… 

Well, this is certainly something you’re not used to. 

You eye the pastry on your plate, taking a moment to admire it. Paired with the mug of steaming hot coffee next to it, it sure seems to be the perfect breakfast – certainly not the most nutritious, but perfectly balanced between the rich, bitter flavor of the coffee and the flaky, sugary goodness of the pastry. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever done something like this before,” you note, poking the pastry to get a feel for its texture and temperature. 

“What, like a girl’s day?” Maya questions, glancing over at her baby. Kai is seated in a highchair next to her, babbling happily as he plays with some kind of sensory toy. 

“Yeah,” you reply. “It’s just...never happened for me. I’ve always been focused on the war and work. Not...getting coffee with friends. Or preparing to watch someone try on wedding dresses. I thought I was only destined to defeat the Serpentine. I never expected that something like this would happen.” 

“I know, right?!” Robin chirps, eyes lighting up. Well, one thing is for sure – the combination of the excited blonde and a cup of coffee is a recipe for a noisy morning. Not that you mind, but you’re afraid that if she speaks any faster, you won’t be able to understand what she’s saying. “I’m never able to get out like this! Normally I’m stuck with Cliff ranting about his career, but this is such a refresher!” 

“Oh, by the way,” Maya adds, sipping on her coffee. “Onyx’s daughter is going to be coming with us too. She should be here soon.” 

“Oh, Lilly, right?” Robin questions. “I’m so excited to meet her! I’ve heard such good things about her!” 

“Lilly’s coming?” you ask, brightening up a little bit. You had met her at the monastery a while ago when she was visiting Wu. Apparently, Onyx had lost his element somehow, and it had been transferred to her. She had been training with Wu while you and Garmadon were working on a rather lengthy mission together. “I’ve met her. She trained with Wu a while back, and apparently, they were working together even more before then. I just never saw them that much because I was working on a complex job with Garmadon that had us traveling a lot.” 

Maya nods. “Sounds about right.” 

Then, Kai squeals, causing you to glance over at him with a soft smile. He giggles, shaking his toy around. 

“He’s so cute!” Robin coos. “He looks just like Ray.” 

“I know,” Maya agrees, leaning down towards her son. He smiles at her, kicking his feet as she presses a soft kiss to his chubby little cheek. “I think he’s going to have Ray’s temper, too. He already gets an attitude with us.” 

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” you reply. “You guys are in for a handful. With your stubbornness and Ray’s temper? That kid’s going places.” 

Maya raises a playful eyebrow at you as she wipes Kai’s mouth with a damp cloth. “Only good places, right?” 

“I don’t know. He’ll probably be a troublemaker too,” you joke, watching as Kai scrunches his nose at Maya’s attempt at cleaning the gunk of baby food smeared on his cheeks. 

A moment of silence drapes across the three of you as Kai squirms in his seat. You can’t lie to yourself – you're really excited for today. Being so involved in the war had you thinking that you would never be able to experience something like this, that life would always be dreary and full of hatred. You’re eternally grateful for the friends you’ve made that have shown you what else life has to offer. 

“Oh, remind me again of the order we’re doing things in?” Robin questions. 

“After we’re done here, we’re going shopping for dresses,” Maya replies. “The consultant I picked is doing a private session for us. Then, it’ll be lunch.” 

“Ooh, it’s an all day thing!” Robin cheers. “I can't wait!” 

You find yourself growing just as excited as Robin too. Maya had selected you to be the maid of honor for her wedding, which is in a few days. The two already had mostly everything else prepared, wanting to stick with a simple theme that didn’t stress them out too much. There isn’t much else for them to do, which leaves the four of you with all day to spend together. 

“Speaking of weddings...” Maya drawls, turning towards you. “Congratulations! Ray told me what happened when he went to visit a few weeks ago!” 

You smile softly, already knowing what she’s referring to. “Thank you!” 

“What happened?” Robin wonders. 

“Garmadon proposed,” you admit, cheeks heating up as you finger the yang pendant. It had been resting underneath your shirt initially, but you pull it out, showing Robin. 

“What?!” she yells, eyes wide. Maya giggles, setting a hand on Robin’s arm. Her little outburst had earned a few stares. “Oh, sorry! But how did you not tell me earlier?! And how long?” 

“About a month now,” you reply, grinning softly. “And, well, I don’t know. I guess it just didn’t come up.” 

“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you two!” she replies. 

“Thank you!” 

“Any ideas for the wedding yet?” Maya asks, taking another sip of her coffee, glancing over at Kai again when he drops his toy. She sighs, bending down to pick it up as he giggles. 

“We’re probably just going to keep it simple and decorate the monastery or something,” you say. “Just something small and sentimental. I guess kind of like what you’re doing.” 

Maya nods in agreement. “Yep. Neither of us felt like we wanted anything too fancy, especially having Kai now. It just keeps the stress down.” 

“I get that. Cliff wants a big wedding, which I’m fine with but there’s just so much planning that we have to do and I don’t know how I’m going to get everything I need to do done and he’s just been so busy with his acting career that I feel like he may not be happy with the decisions I pick so I’ve just been...” 

You smile affectionately as you listen to your talkative friend, Maya doing the same. From there, the chat leads to other topics when the bell above the café door chimes, betokening a new customer. The three of you glance to see none other than Lilly herself there, a bag slung over one shoulder and a baby perched on her opposite hip. Her dark hair is tied up in a sloppy bun, eyes fatigued. Despite that, her expression lights up when she spots the three of you waving her over. 

“Lilly!” Maya calls excitedly. You stand along with your friend, the two of you walking towards the other side of the table where Lilly drops her bag, offering Maya a one-armed hug. 

“It’s so good to see you again! I feel like it’s been forever,” Lilly notes, pulling away. When she spots you, though, she instantly pulls you in for a hug too. Even with her only using one arm, you still feel like she’s going to crush you. 

“It has,” Maya adds. 

“I know. Time has been weird lately,” you agree, bending down to greet her baby boy. “Hi, Cole!” 

He stares at you for a few seconds with wide, green eyes before a gummy grin appears, pushing his cheek into Lilly’s side. You giggle at him, going to have a seat as one of the café employees slides another highchair out for him. Lilly thanks the worker before sitting down, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“I love this place.” she notes as an employee greets her, setting a box of pastries and a large cup of coffee in front of her. “Thank you!” 

“You’re welcome, darling. Good to have you back,” the worker notes before slinking away. 

“How’d the Shintaro mission go?” you wonder, sipping on your drink. 

She sighs, smiling softly. “It was good. Asses were kicked, order was restored...for now, at least. I’m just glad to be back with my boys.” 

“Looks like he’s glad you’re back, too,” Robin adds, chuckling softly at little Cole as he stares at his momma with wide eyes. 

Lilly’s expression melts as she pulls her baby closer. “Oh, sweetheart...” 

After another sip of your beverage, you chuckle. “I’m glad you’re back. From Shintaro, no less. I imagine that was a tough job, especially considering that they almost never allow visitors.” 

She nods in agreement, setting Cole on her lap and looping an arm around him. “Yeah, it was. But I’d say it was one of the most rewarding missions I’ve done. And it’s such a gorgeous place, too. The kingdom and scenery are both beautiful.” 

“It’s impressive that you took it all by yourself,” Maya adds, watching as Kai glances around the room. “I’d love to see it one day.” 

“Thanks. I almost didn’t have it under control, but...you know. It worked out in the end,” Lilly replies, using her free hand to dig into the box of pastries in front of her. You laugh quietly, already knowing that the box of sweets stands no chance against the ravenous Master of Earth. “Anyways, how much time do I have to knock these out?” 

“About fifteen minutes,” Maya adds. 

“Ah, plenty of time,” Lilly responds, eagerly eyeing a poor chocolate croissant. 

From there, your group continues to chat and catch up until it’s time to head to the dress shop. 

… 

“Okay, I’m putting you on baby duty,” Maya declares, handing you a wiggling Kai. 

“Yes!” you cheer, gently scooping the baby into your arms. His head rests in the crook of your dominant arm while the other supports his body. A round toy rests in his grasp, allowing him to chew on it as he stares at you with warm brown eyes. Instantly, you can feel the heat emanating from him. “Wow, he’s a little radiator!” 

“I know!” Maya replies. “He’s so warm all of the time.” 

“Alright, ladies! Your consultant is ready for you! If the bride will wait here, I’ll take everyone else to the fitting room,” one of the employees says. 

The three of you wave to Maya before following the worker to the fitting room. With Kai now propped against your shoulder, you feel him shifting so that he can look over your shoulder. He babbles as he watches his mom fade from view. 

“Your momma will be right back,” you assure, hand on his back. 

Seemingly assured for the time being, he spins to face you with a curious expression. 

“Don’t worry! She’s just getting ready!” you say, the three of you sitting down on a spacey bench. Kai plops down to your lap, your arms now circled around his torso as he peers through the gap. Lilly settles in beside you, and Robin next to her. 

“Okay, ladies! We have complimentary glasses of champagne and snacks for you to enjoy coming in a few minutes. Please make yourselves comfortable and enjoy. Let us know if you need anything!” the employee states, flashing the three of you a smile. 

“Thank you!” you all reply in unison, getting excited to see Maya’s potential dresses. 

“She’s going to look gorgeous in every single one, I already know,” Lilly states, holding Cole against her stomach. 

You smile, nodding in agreement as Kai catches your attention again. You peer down at him, picking him up under his arms and letting him stand on your lap. 

“What is it?” you wonder, making a funny face at him. He giggles, dropping his toy onto your thigh as he studies Cole. “Oh, you want to see your friend?” 

You adjust your arms so that Kai is facing Cole. Kai’s little feet steady themselves on your thighs, tiny hands resting on your arms as he looks at Cole. 

You watch with interest as Kai and Cole both giggle at each other, both making cute little scrunchy faces. 

“They’re going to be the best of friends,” you mumble, listening to their baby babble with a warm smile. 

“I know they will,” she replies. “Oh, I almost forgot! How about you and Garmadon? How are you guys doing?” 

You shrug, grinning as you avert your gaze slightly. “We’re engaged.” 

“Oh my stars, really?!” she questions, face lighting up. “That’s incredible! Congratulations!” 

“Thank you!” 

“I’m so happy for you two!” 

“Thank you,” you repeat, adjusting your grip on Kai so that your right arm is circling him. You use your other hand to feel your pendant. “I just...it’s so weird to think about, you know?” 

“I get it. I was the same way when Lou proposed,” she admits. “It’s...a change, yeah? A big one.” 

“It really is,” you mumble. “I mean, before the war...I never would have pictured myself being engaged and thinking about settling down. And, with everyone going their own ways now...” 

Lilly’s gentle smile remains, prompting you to glance into her warm, earthy brown eyes. “And the war is over now. It gives you a lot to think about. Have you guys talked about kids?” 

You remain quiet for a moment, heart skipping a beat as you shake your head. “Well, not yet...I want to, though. I just...it’s complicated for us.” 

“I understand,” she says, fingers going to stroke the back of Cole’s head as he plops his cheek onto Lilly’s breast, cooing quietly. “It’s a big decision. And...with him...” 

“It would be hard,” you finish. “I mean...I’d have Wu too, but...it would never be the same if Garmadon succumbed. Wu seems to think that that time might be closer than we think, and that scares the hell out of me. I would love for it to happen, but...if Garmadon turns, then I don’t want to force that role on Wu, you know? I think he’d feel responsible if I ended up staying, so...I just don’t know. There are so many unknowns with this, and it’s...it’s terrifying. And it’ll be even worse if we have to factor a baby into the equation. Because what would happen if Garmadon wasn’t there? If our baby lost the father at some point? As wonderful as children can be, they only add to the responsibility.” 

“That’s all very valid,” Robin assures from the other side. “But...keep in mind, there are going to be challenges no matter how the two of you proceed. Let’s say that Garmadon wasn’t even bitten by the Devourer, and the two of you decide to have a kid. Who’s to say that something won’t happen to either of you during the course of the baby’s life?” 

“She’s right,” Lilly confirms, taking her free hand and linking it with yours, giving a squeeze. “Either way, you’re taking a risk. Just know that you two are stronger than you know. You’ll find a way.” 

“Yeah...you both have a point. I just...I think about it a lot. Like, if I did get pregnant, and...if he turned completely. What I would do, how Wu would take it...you know, just running through the what-ifs. Wondering what would happen if we started trying now, or if we wait...or if it doesn’t happen at all...” 

“Talk to him about it,” Lilly encourages. “You’ll find something that works. Even if Garmadon turns, you’ll have Wu to support you until you figure out what to do.” 

Robin pokes her head from behind Lilly. “Yeah! I remember, before you came and joined the alliance, I overhead Garmadon talking to Ray. They both agreed that they wanted kids!” 

“You heard him say that?” you wonder. 

“Yep!” 

“There you go. There’s still hope. Just...do what feels right, okay? You can’t worry about what might happen. You two need to enjoy your time however you see fit,” Lilly assures before her expression darkens. “Besides...I kind of understand how you feel. But for the other way around.” 

“What do you mean?” you wonder, confused. 

“Ah, don’t worry about it. I’ll explain another time. For now, let’s just enjoy this,” Lilly states. “This isn’t the time to worry – this is a celebration! Let’s relax for once!” 

You shake off the worry, nodding in response. “Yeah, you’re right. Thank you.” 

With that in mind, you quiet down and listen to Lilly and Robin chatting for a bit. While you do, your gaze shifts to Kai again. 

He’s now leaning the back of his head in the crook of your elbow, staring at you again. You smile softly, tickling his tummy. Squeals of laughter erupt from him as his little hands flail around. 

Something about that absolutely unbridled, innocent joy makes your heart flutter. Your expression softens as you play with Kai for a few more minutes, laughing alongside him before you turn to Lilly. 

“Yeah. I need one,” you admit, giggling as Kai snuggles up to you. 

“Trust me, it’ll come,” Lilly assures with knowing eyes. 

… 

The next night, you find yourself contemplating Lilly’s words. 

The most you and Garmadon had ever done was make out, sometimes riddled with a bit of risqué touching. Now, though, you had found yourself thinking of him more sexually – thinking about him at night, picturing him on top of you as the two of you make love. It’s almost a nightly thing now, and with the two of you beginning to sleep in the same bed more often, you want it more than ever. 

And, of course, that thought also veered towards the idea of potentially having a baby with him some day. After your chat with the ladies (and playing with little Kai and Cole!), it made you realize that you do want to become a mother in the future. There were days where the baby fever became so intense that you found your mind wandering to potential what-if scenarios and wondering if Garmadon would still want to begin a family too.  

But then, the thought would occur to you that you don’t have to decide on anything just yet. You were getting ahead of yourself. For now, you would simply talk to him about amping up your sex life first. You wouldn’t let your own desires get in the way of your relationship with him. 

You lay in bed one night, lying next to him as sleep fails to come to you. Turning towards Garmadon, you quickly find that he hasn’t quite fallen asleep yet either. 

“Garmadon?” 

Your fiancé turns toward you, eyes curious as the shadows envelope his figure. You find yourself growing nervous as you pull the sheets closer to you. 

“What is it, my love?” 

“I just want to ask you something kind of personal,” you admit as the two of you gaze at each other. 

“I’m listening,” he prompts. 

You nod, releasing a shaky sigh before starting. “Well...with everyone settling down, and all...it got me thinking. What do you think of us starting to have sex?” 

“I want to try it,” he admits, taking your hand in his. “But it also worries me...” 

You nod. “I thought so.” 

“How do you feel about it?” 

“I want to try it too,” you reply. “And we can always keep our pendants on.” 

“And you would feel comfortable with that?” 

“Yeah,” you say with a nod. “I would. And...that also leads me to my other question.” 

“Of course.” 

“I know we’re both still caught up in our missions and all that, but...when it all settles down, what do you think about having a baby?” 

“A baby...” he trails off, but then a big smile crosses his face. “I...I would love to have a baby. Being a father was something I never even thought would be possible for me. Do you want to...?” 

You nod, smiling. “I do. I want to start a family with you some day.” 

Garmadon simply gazes at you for a moment, brown eyes watering before a tear slips from his eye, causing your heart to skip as you immediately snuggle closer to him, concerned. 

“Wait, you’re crying,” you note, gently wiping his tear away with your thumb. He chuckles, coming to grab your wrist. You watch as he squeezes it gently, a smile coming across his face as he moves the back of your hand to his lips. 

“I know. I can’t help it. I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to apologize,” you note, frowning. “But, why? Are you okay?” 

“It’s just...” he trails off, releasing your hand as his stare shifts. “I never would have thought that this could happen...for me, of all people. I thought Wu was going to be the first to settle down. And yet...” 

You smile, propping your forehead against his. “It’s in sight for us.” 

He’s quiet for a moment, nodding as he goes to hold your hand again. “Give me some time to prepare, love. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” 

“Take as long as you need,” you respond, smiling as you feel tears building up in your own eyes. After all, you never pictured yourself being at this point either. 

… 

A few months pass, with your wedding date drawing nearer until... 

...it’s finally time. 

Your breaths are shaky, eyes watering as you will yourself not to cry. Lilly and Robin had spent a solid hour ensuring that your makeup and hair are perfect, so you don’t want to ruin their hard work. 

But you’re not sure if you can help it. You’re about to marry Garmadon, the man you’d fallen for all that time ago. The man that you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with. 

Of course, you’re happy. But part of this feels like you’re locking yourself in, in some sense. It’s a scary thought, and one that hadn’t even occurred to you until your friends left you to go ensure that the other preparations are running smoothly. 

Despite your worries, you know you won’t be tied down with Garmadon. And yet...that doesn’t seem to entirely console you. 

You exhale shakily, eyes soaking in your reflection as your mind races, hands fidgeting as your heart pounds. Why are you so nervous? Is it because of Garmadon? Or because all of your friends are out there, waiting? 

You don’t get a chance to reflect further, because a brisk knock emanates from your door. Choking back your tears, you yell for the person to come in. 

Of all people, you don't expect to see the General enter. 

“General?” you wonder, eyes widening as he smiles at you, closing the door. 

“Hello, dear,” he says, stepping closer to you. “I hope you don’t mind my presence right now. I understand that this might be stressful for you, so if you want me to leave, just let me know.” 

“No-no, please, sit,” you urge. “I…I’m actually glad you’re here.” 

You calm slightly, realizing that he’s the one unchanged piece of your life that part of you must still be clinging to. Curious about what he has to say, you spin towards him and away from the mirror. 

He chuckles, sitting down across from you. “I’m happy to hear that. I, well…I came to tell you something.” 

“I’m listening,” you encourage. 

The General goes quiet for a moment, glancing to the side as he collects his thoughts. “Ever since I got the invitation to come, I...I’ve been thinking quite a bit. I remember when we first found you. That day, I remember it so clearly…I was visiting an external camp after receiving word that the regiment had recruited someone who had been born into a guild of thieves. And when I came there, and found you…” he laughs quietly, shaking his head. “I remember that there was a quiet, cold determination about you, even though you were just a kid. Everyone saw that there was potential in the training you’d been granted if we could just get you to work with us.” 

You nod, recalling that day with a fond smile. “I remember. I was so scared of entering that camp because of what the guild had told me about you guys. But...they were lying. And I...” 

“...you excelled during basic training,” he finishes. “You did so well, and it established a silent respect among the others. It’s no wonder you made your way up so quickly.” 

“And I got comfortable working with everyone and going on missions,” you remember. “But…everything’s changing again. And…and I’m scared, again. Scared like I was when I joined.” 

“Scared of change,” he muses. “Alas, it’s natural, but something we all must learn to endure.” 

“You taught me that,” you reflect softly, glancing down at your dress. 

“I suppose I did,” he mumbles. “But…my point is, I’ve been watching you grow and improve all these years, and now…we’re past the war. We have won, and things are changing again…but as always, we’re adapting. You’re adapting. And I want you to know that…I’m proud of you - of the woman you’ve become, of all the work you’ve poured into yourself and our land.” 

This time you can’t help it - a few tears escape your eyes as words become stuck in your throat. “Really?” 

“Of course I am. I made you my second-in-command for a reason,” he notes, smiling as his eyes become glassy too. “There’s no one else I’d trust with my men.” 

That does it, because you suddenly go to hug him. He returns your embrace, the two of you falling quiet for a moment. 

“Hey,” you say as you pull back, looking up at him. “Will…will you walk me down the aisle? I don’t have anyone else to do it, and, well…I think you’re the perfect person to do it.” 

“It would be an honor,” he adds. “Thank you.” 

Then, the sound of frantic knocking comes from the door. You wipe your face, realizing you’ve just smeared your makeup everywhere. 

“Fuck,” you mumble, eyeing your smudged makeup in the mirror. 

The General chuckles, going to open the door. “I’m afraid I’m of no help when it comes to makeup. I’ll be waiting.” 

Through your sniffle, you can’t help but laugh as the General exits, now replaced by your three friends - all dressed in your selected bridesmaid wear. They gasp upon seeing your state, all swarming you. 

“Oh no, your makeup!” Robin cries. “It’s okay, it’s okay, we still have a few minutes to fix it.” 

“I’m sorry,” you state, turning to face the mirror. “I’m just…I’m a wreck!” 

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Lilly soothes, coming to take your hand in hers. “Just take a minute to breathe.” 

“If it’s any consolation, the crowd isn’t terribly intimidating,” Maya adds. “I mean, I know that you know who’s coming, but still. I guess it’s different when you’re picturing it in your head, huh?” 

“Yeah…yeah, I’m probably just exaggerating it in my head,” you admit as Robin works her magic. 

“There,” Robin says, offering you an encouraging smile. “Gorgeous. Now, no more tears! It’s your big day!” 

“Okay…” Maya trails off, eyes shifting up and to her right as she seemingly checks off items on a mental list. “We’ve got everyone walking down the aisle lined up, Garmadon’s ready, the quartet is prepared to perform the entrance song…everything needed for the reception is ready…” 

“I think that’s everything,” Lilly adds, nodding after thinking for a moment. “That sounds right, doesn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” you answer, nodding. “Okay. Okay. Um…let’s see, I have my paper here, makeup and dress are both fixed…is that everything?” 

“Sounds like we’re ready if you are,” Lilly notes, tugging you up to your feet. You nod, taking a deep breath as you compose yourself. 

“Okay. Let’s go,” you state, following the others out. 

Behind the closed doors of the inner monastery, you can hear faint classical music already playing. You watch as everyone links arms with their respective partner. 

First up are the maid of honor and best man, which are Maya and Wu. They’re followed by Robin and Ray, and then Lilly and Onyx. 

“Okay, our cue is when the music changes,” Maya announces. Your heart starts racing as the General offers his arm to you. You smile gratefully, linking an arm through. 

“Don’t forget your bouquet,” Maya reminds, picking the mentioned item up from a nearby vase. You smile gratefully at her as you take it. 

“Thank you, Maya. You’re a lifesaver. All of you are, for helping us plan and all that,” you say. “I’m just trying not to lose my shit right now.” 

That earns a brief chuckle from the group. 

“We’re happy that we could help,” comes Ray’s reply. 

“Yeah, it’s going to be great! You’ll see,” Robin adds, flashing you one of her smiles. They never fail to comfort you when you feel all jittery like this. 

It’s then that you all notice the change in music. 

“Okay, here goes!” Maya states. The doors swing open, held by two of the Ninjago Guard members. 

Maya and Wu exit first, with the rest of you hidden behind the wall. Part of you wishes you could have just walked out first and gotten it over with, but there’s no time to worry about that now. 

Thankfully, the couples start walking within a reasonable timeframe, so your turn comes sooner than you expect. 

“Ready?” the General questions. 

“Yeah,” you reply, grip on the bouquet tightening as the two of you exit. 

Sunlight clouds your vision momentarily as the two of you step into the training area, two sections of seats on either side of the path. They’re filled with people either from the Elemental Alliance or the Ninjago Guard. Also present is Mystake, seated in the front row with a soft smile. 

Stationed at the altar are the bridesmaids, groomsmen, and… 

Garmadon. 

Breath escapes you momentarily as your eyes flit upon his figure; he’s dressed in a dark tuxedo, chocolate brown hair styled nicely. When his stare meets yours, his eyes widen ever so slightly. You smile at him, anxiety easing at last as you step up with the General. 

Once you do, the General releases your arm, offering you a final hug before stepping to the side. Maya is next to approach you, taking your bouquet. You thank her quietly before spinning to face Garmadon. 

“Good afternoon, everyone,” greets the officiant as the music subsides. “We’d like to take a moment to thank everyone for attending as we witness the eternal joining of this couple today. We will bear witness to the entanglement of yin and yang as they merge, finding their balance rooted within each other. Understand that this ceremony merely serves as the vessel through which you will share declarations of your love with friends and family, for the connection binding the two of you together shall forever be intangibly ethereal. Let us begin with the bride.” 

The officiant’s eyes turn to you, smiling softly. You nod, hands going to fish out the paper you had stuffed in your dress. Once it’s pulled out, you unfold it and begin to read: 

“Garmadon,” you start, voice shaky at first but growing stronger as you continue. “All of my life, I had been taught that wars…wars tear people apart. They hurt, they kill, they destroy. I’ve been preparing for that reality since I joined the Ninjago Guard, but…starting the alliance with the Elemental Masters made me realize that, with as much destruction as it causes…it can bring certain people together, too. And, when we won, you showed me that there’s more to life than fighting - even though that’s something we certainly connect about. With you, I know that I am my best self because we fight to improve ourselves every day. And I promise, that as long as we are together, I will fight to protect you, Garmadon, because I love and accept you for who you are.” 

“Thank you,” replies the officiant. Garmadon grins, moving his hand to your cheek and gazing at you for a moment. “And now, the groom?” 

Garmadon reaches inside his sleeve, pulling out a paper as well. He clears his throat before beginning, starting with your name: 

“Though I hate that the Anacondrai got as far as they did, I am eternally grateful that we were given the chance to meet. Being given the honor of fighting alongside you was the opportunity of a lifetime, and throughout the despair we’ve faced - both in battle and concerning my condition - still you remain by my side, unwavering in your insistence to face this looming threat together. And for that, I…I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am for you. So, I hope to show you how much you mean to me while I still can. I wish it could be forever, but…” 

Garmadon trails off, expression sinking slightly as tears line his eyes. You immediately take one of his hands in yours, taking a moment to wipe a stray tear from his cheek. Part of you wants to assure him, to say that everything will work out, but… 

…nothing comes to mind, because you know that there’s nothing you can do. Not yet. But you’ll be damned if you’re going to give up on him. 

“I’m not going to give up on you,” you mumble, stare hardening. “Even if we’re physically apart, I will always stand with you, Garmadon. I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he replies, a tear colliding with the tip of your thumb. 

“Thank you, Garmadon,” the officiant interjects, tone hesitant as you withdraw your hand. “Ladies and gentlemen...I don’t know about you, but I find this to be a bittersweet representation of a true testament to love. We’re all rooting for you two.” 

A chorus of applause emanates from the crowd, allowing you a moment to blink away your tears as you smile sadly. Garmadon subtly reaches over to hold your hand again, squeezing it slightly. 

Once the applause fades, the officiant continues: 

“Now, for the Yin-Yang Promise,” the officiant holds out the yin and yang pendants, the two residing on a gray cloth in his palms. “Starting with yin.” 

You gingerly take the yin pendant, waiting for Garmadon to bow slightly before you loop it around his neck. 

“Yin - symbol of the darkness, preparing to adopt a piece of your significant other within you,” the officiant holds up a small, white dot, handing it to you. You step closer towards Garmadon, gently screwing the piece into the empty slot of the pendant. “By repeating ‘I do’, you promise you will work in tandem with your partner, striving to compliment the areas in which you differ, and to love, cherish, and protect her with all of your heart.” 

“I do,” Garmadon states. 

“Now, for yang,” the officiant notes, watching as Garmadon picks up the white pendant. He drapes it around your neck, smiling at you as he does so. “Yang - symbol of light, preparing to adopt a piece of your significant other within you.” 

He drops the tiny black circle into Garmadon’s hands, who adjusts his grip on it before carefully screwing it into your pendant. 

“By repeating ‘I do’, you promise you will work in tandem with your partner, striving to compliment the areas in which you differ, and to love, cherish, and protect him with all of your heart.” 

“I do,” you promise. 

“Then, by the power invested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride!” 

Garmadon steps closer to you, sweeping you into his arms as he presses a kiss to your lips. You wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him back with all of your might as muted cheers erupt around you. 

As you pull away, you press your forehead against his so you can study his expression for a moment. Brown eyes alight with happiness, smile prompting you to grin as well...the joy is all there, and although you can detect the faintest hint of fear, you know that the two of you will enjoy your time while you can. 

About fifteen minutes later, you find yourself seated next to Garmadon as you enjoy a bit of food together. Your guests are mingling about, some chatting together while others help themselves to the refreshments present. 

You take a sip of water, suddenly feeling...lightheaded? Half-asleep? You don’t quite know what it is. This all seems like a dream, and it’s almost like your brain is trying to ensure it’s really happening. 

Garmadon sneaks his hand into yours, snapping out of your thoughts. 

“I don’t think I told you earlier, but you’re absolutely stunning,” he notes, rubbing his fingertips across your knuckles. 

“Thank you. You’re looking handsome yourself,” you compliment, grinning at him. 

“I think I pale in comparison to you,” he teases. 

You roll your eyes, laughing slightly. “Garmadon!” 

“Hey, guys!” 

The two of you turn upon hearing the new voice. There, you spot Lilly dragging an unfamiliar man towards the two of you while holding Cole with her free arm. 

“Hey!” you greet, Garmadon nodding towards the two. 

“First of all, congratulations!” she yells, dropping the man’s hand. You stand, accepting her vertebrae-crushing hug. “I wanted you guys to meet my husband, Lou. He couldn’t make it to Maya’s wedding, but he’s here now!” 

“It’s a pleasure,” Lou states, grinning. 

“Oh, it’s nice to finally meet you!” you say, shaking his hand. Garmadon follows suit, now standing next to you. 

“Likewise,” Lou notes. “And you must be Garmadon, right?” 

Garmadon nods, shaking Lou’s hand firmly. “The pleasure is ours, Lou.” 

You watch for a moment as Cole squeals, likely wanting his mother’s attention again. As Lilly talks to him, you turn back to Lou: "I know we haven’t had the chance to speak properly yet, but thank you for taking the time to perform for us.” 

“Of course, of course! Weddings are one of our favorite performing venues, after all,” he explains with a grin. 

“You should have seen the looks on their faces when I told them they had another performing opportunity,” Lilly adds, laughing. “They just can’t pass them up!” 

“Oh, that reminds me,” you respond, frowning as you think back to one of your previous missions. “I remember seeing you guys perform in some remote village a while back.”  

It's coming back to you now – you'd taken that mission alongside the General. The Royal Blacksmiths performed for one of the local charities one night – that's about as much that comes to mind, though. 

“You’ve actually seen us perform before?” Lou wonders. 

“A while back, yeah. I just can’t remember the name of the village,” you mumble. 

“No matter! The very fact that you recognize us is compliment enough!” Lou pauses when someone taps three times on the microphone. “My apologies, but that’s my cue. It was nice meeting the two of you!” 

“Have fun, sweetie,” Lilly encourages, before turning back to you. “But...yeah, just wanted to introduce you.” 

“It was nice to meet you too, Lou!” you yell back as Lilly smiles fondly, taking her position next to you with Cole looking over her shoulder. You chuckle at her. 

“He’s dorkier than I expected,” you mumble with a giggle. 

“He is, and I love him for it,” Lilly admits with a laugh. 

“How long has their group been together for?” Garmadon questions, sneaking an arm around your waist and pulling you closer to him. 

“They’ve been performing together since they were freshmen in high school,” Lilly adds. 

“Wow. They’re dedicated for sure.” 

After a few minutes of chatting, you hear an announcement coming from one of the Royal Blacksmiths. Their group is introduced before the rest of the quartet appears on stage and begins their performance. 

“What’s this genre of music called again?” you question. 

“They’re a barbershop quartet. They mostly sing acapella, though I know they can all play instruments too. They just don’t use them during their performances,” Lilly explains. 

“Oh, right,” you mumble. “Yeah, I feel like I’ve seen them perform before.” 

“Might have been at Ninjago Talent,” Lilly notes. “It’s hosted annually.” 

“That’s it, I think,” you note. “Yeah. I think I went because someone gave me and my team tickets after we completed a job for them. That was a while ago, though.” 

“Lou has participated in it his entire career,” Lilly explains as the song continues. “And they’ve won quite a bit. More than I can count.” 

“I see why. They’re passionate about what they do,” you note. 

“They are,” she agrees. “It’s admirable.” 

After the first song finishes, the quartet announces that they’ll be performing a slow song next and encourages the crowd to find a partner. Garmadon wastes no time in sweeping you towards the dance floor. 

“I have no idea how to dance,” you admit. 

Garmadon grins guiltily. “Neither do I.” 

“I guess we can just...sway?” you suggest, his arms falling to loop around your waist while yours encircle his neck. 

Garmadon nods, the two of you swaying together amidst the quiet music. “This works.” 

A minute passes as you find yourself leaning your head against his chest, closing your eyes as you listen to his heartbeat. 

And somehow, in that moment, you understand that despite everything, things are going to work out for the two of you. 

XXX 

Your honeymoon leads the two of you to a private beach resort on the western coast of Ninjago. 

Days pass with you and Garmadon simply enjoying your time as newlyweds together: 

On the first day, the two of you spent half of the day at the beach appreciating the uncannily clear water together before heading back to take a nap induced by sun fatigue. 

On day two, you both spent the day exploring the resort town while admiring some of the historic scenic areas. 

Now, you’re on day three. After a day relaxing at the spa resort, you find yourself sitting at the foot of the bed, hands fidgeting. 

You and Garmadon had agreed earlier that tonight would be your first time ever having sex. Although you’re still set on the idea, you can’t help how fast your heart is racing while waiting for Garmadon to return. 

Doing your best to shake the thoughts of what could happen away, you decide to take a few deep breaths. 

He enters the room shortly after, not wearing a shirt. You smile smally, suddenly feeling awkward. 

“Um…” you trail off, glancing away. “Hi...” 

Garmadon chuckles slightly, tossing his shirt to the side. “Hi.” 

“I’ve...I’ve never done this before,” you mumble, glancing away from him. 

“I haven’t either,” he confesses softly as you stand. He takes your hands in his, studying you quietly. “Are you still sure about this?” 

“I am,” you answer as he sits down beside you. “I’m just…kind of nervous, I guess.” 

“I am too,” he admits. “But we can take it slowly. You remember what to do in case…?” 

You nod. “Yes, I do.” 

“Okay,” Garmadon nods to himself. “Okay. I meditated beforehand, we have our pendants…” 

“I think we’re ready,” you state, heart starting to pound as you squeeze Garmadon’s hands. You release a shaky breath, nodding. “So...do we just, um...?” 

“I suppose we start with whatever feels right,” he mumbles, dropping his forehead against yours. Your noses brush together as he tenderly kisses you, hand moving to your cheek so he can tilt your head up slightly. 

After a few seconds, you pull away, opening your eyes to see Garmadon gazing at you reassuringly. This prompts you to swing a leg around his lap, adjusting your position so that you’re straddling him on the edge of the bed. 

The only light in the room comes from the pendants hanging from both of your chests. Their soft, golden glows gently illuminating the lower portion of Garmadon’s face. His eyes are trained on you, replete with that same love you had come to develop for him. 

Your expression melts in the golden light as you give in, kissing him again. This time, your hands drift to his collarbones, tracing the bones that lie underneath his skin. Garmadon’s breath hitches as you do, causing you to slow down slightly. 

Once your hands reach his pecs, Garmadon’s fingers creep down to the hem of your shirt. You smile softly, lifting your arms so that he can pull the article over your head. 

You’re left in your bra, heart beating nervously. Of course, he had seen you without a shirt before, but this feels...different. 

Garmadon pulls you close, pinning a kiss to your sternum. You sigh quietly as he slips his hands underneath your arms, bringing you so that you’re now on your back. 

His head dips down, lips connecting to your tummy before trailing upward, his line of kisses a paean to you. He makes his way to your neck eventually, tongue flicking across your skin before you feel his teeth sink into you slightly. 

The action elicits a moan from you, followed by a whisper of his name. He returns his focus to your lips, kissing you once more. 

“Doing okay?” he hums, eyes meeting yours. 

You nod, smiling as one of your hands comes up to grab your pendant. “Yeah. Are you?” 

“Yes,” he answers, stare shifting down to your hand. You release the pendant, dropping your hand to the side. 

Garmadon smiles, causing you to cup his cheek. 

“I love you,” you mutter. 

“I love you too,” he responds, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. 

You arch your back high enough so that you can unhook your bra, tossing it aside. Chills erupt across your skin, but the warmth radiating from Garmadon’s skin is more than enough to scare the cold away. Garmadon studies you for a moment before his lips latch onto the top of your breasts, quickly shifting his attention slightly lower. You moan softly when he starts kissing your nipple, his hand going to rub your other breast. 

You moan, feeling his tongue swiping over the sensitive areas on your breast, and you feel his hips slightly grinding against yours. 

“Garmadon...” you moan softly. He looks up at you, smiling softly as he kisses you before continuing his ministrations on your other breast. You arch your back and moan, hands going to tangle your fingers within his mess of dark hair. He continues licking your skin for a few more seconds before he finishes, kissing your lips yet again. 

A few seconds later, he separates from your breasts before righting himself. This time, his hands wander down to your panties. 

He gingerly slides his fingers towards the inside of your thighs, eliciting a soft moan from you. He trails his touch upward until he gently presses a finger into your panties, beckoning another moan from you. He rubs you a few more times before he slips his fingers underneath the waistband and gently tugs the article off. 

“Tell me what feels good,” he notes, shifting back a bit. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes,” you reply, spreading your legs slightly. 

With that, Garmadon’s hands go to keep your thighs apart as he lowers his head to drag a slow, teasing lick along your labia. You moan, your wetness only increasing as a heat stirs within you. You go to grasp his hair, his tongue beginning to swipe across your vagina. 

Your heart races faster as his tongue flicks across your clit. A sharper moan escapes you this time as the pace ramps up, his hands bracing themselves against your inner thighs as you feel his tongue slipping inside you. 

“Garmadon!” you mewl, squeezing your thighs a little as his tongue goes back to your clit, managing to find your sweet spot. You can’t help the little sounds that emanate from you as he works, mind starting to go hazy as he continues. 

Moments later, he pulls away, leaving you a hot mess. Your heavy breathing subsides as you rub your thighs together, even readier for the real thing now. 

Garmadon exhales shakily, taking a moment to strip out of his remaining clothes. Your arousal only burgeoning as your eyes land on his penis. 

“Garmadon...” you breathe, grateful when he climbs back over you. “Please...” 

He kisses you roughly before taking he aligns himself, hips starting to lower. Eventually feeling the tip of his penis sliding in. You moan as the sensation continues until he’s completely in, tightening your hold around him. 

“Are you still okay?” he questions, voice tight as he looks down at you. 

A slight pain starts stinging inside of you, but it’s nothing you didn’t expect – after all, you’ve had much worse before. “Yeah...yeah, keep going.”. 

Another moan slips from your lips as he starts thrusting lightly, pressing his forehead against yours again. You’re forced to look at him, arms locked around him as you hook your legs around his hips. “Faster!” 

He obliges with no complaints, intensifying the pleasure as your mouth remains slightly agape. Garmadon groans, taking the opportunity to kiss you again. This time, the kiss is sloppy and needy as you lift your hips to meet his thrusts in an attempt to increase the friction. His tongue enters your mouth, yours meeting his not long after. 

His pace gets stronger as the two of you keep your eyes locked on each other, his hands prying your arms off from his neck as he pins them above your head with one hand. He dips his head down to your chest, latching his mouth onto one of your nipples again. 

You feel your head starting to become a puddle of mush as he continues, hands releasing your wrists so that he can grip your waist and go faster. Your hands return to his neck as you hear him moaning, not in much better shape yourself. 

You know you won’t last for much longer, despite loving this unfamiliar sensation. You can tell he is too, judging by how uneven his thrusts are becoming. You whimper as you feel your climax approaching, crying out as he finishes with a few final thrusts. 

The orgasm finally hits, causing you to release a final mewl as he does the same. Your nails and fingers are digging into his shoulders as you feel him ejaculating inside of you, arms clinging to his torso as he presses his forehead against yours. 

The two of you still against each other, breathing heavily. After a minute or so, Garmadon pulls out of you. 

Garmadon kisses you one last time before turning onto his back next to you. You take a moment to catch your breath, pulling part of the sheet over you to replace the warmth lost from Garmadon’s body. 

“Garmadon...” you mumble, grinning. “That was...” 

“...spectacular,” he finishes, the two of you turning to look at each other. This causes you both to giggle, with you turning to lean your head against his shoulder. 

“What do you say to a hot bath?” he whispers, studying you. 

“That sounds amazing right about now,” you answer. “As great as that was...I feel sweaty as hell.” 

“Me too,” he chuckles, taking a moment to sit up. “I’ll run it.” 

While Garmadon starts the bath up, you take a moment to clean everything up before collecting the discarded clothes and setting them in the pile to be washed. 

Once that’s done, you join Garmadon in the bathroom. 

“Doing okay?” he questions, stepping into the tub that’s now just under halfway full. 

You nod, taking his offered hand as you enter the tub. “Yeah. I might be a little sore tomorrow, but I thought that might happen, so...it’s okay.” 

“Okay,” he replies. “Just let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.” 

“The same goes for you,” you retort, sitting down in the hot water and sighing in relief. 

With that, the two of you share a warm bath and few drinks together late in the night.

𝚊/𝚗: 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚍𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎, 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚒 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚊 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢, 𝚌𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚑é 𝚠𝚎𝚍𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠? 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢’𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊 𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝. 𝚜𝚘 𝚒 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊 𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚝. 𝚒 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑.

𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍, 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚍, 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚍, 𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚜𝚔𝚜 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌! 𝚒 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝! <𝟹

𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜! 𝚒 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜, 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 :)))))

𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝:

@ladyathenawisdom

@josephslittlemetalballs

𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚍, 𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚏 𝚒 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎 (𝚒𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚌𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚒 𝚊𝚖 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢!)

[rallamajoop]

On the Backgrounds and Ages of the Four Lords

So, as previously mentioned, I've gotten a bit fixated on puzzling out all the (admittedly limited) clues we get about the backstories of the four lords. Who joined the family when? How old were they? Were they all from noble families? There isn't a lot of hard info, but the tidbits we get provide some interesting clues.

This is all likely to get a bit tl;dr, so have the short version up front:

Dimitrescu and her daughters all joined Miranda's family sometime between 1920 and 1958 (though probably not at the same time). Dimitrescu was 44 years old.

Heisenberg joined the family sometime after Dimitrescu ‒ probably much later (he may even be younger than her daughters).

Donna joined the family sometime after 1996, probably in her late teens/early twenties (and is definitely younger than Dimitrescu's daughters).

Moreau could have joined any time from 1920 onwards; there's not much to go on.

And there's a surprisingly good case to be made that none of them may be really descended from village's legendary 'four founders'. (But believe me, I've found so much more to talk about than just that.)

On the lords' ages

So, there’s this widespread idea that Heisenberg (and presumably the other lords) were only children when Miranda began her experiments on them. Personally, I don’t think this adds up. I’d assume it comes from Heisenberg’s statements to the effect of ‘she took us to be her children’ etc, (and maybe Dimitrescu’s dismissal of him as ‘but a child’) – though he never does say, ‘we were only children’, just that Miranda had treated them that way.

What little information we do have about the lords pre-experimentation all points towards their being taken as adults – Dimitrescu and Donna being the two we know the most about. Miranda’s notes on ‘experiment 181’ gives ‘Alcina D’s age at the time of cadou implantation as a thoroughly mature 44 (notably, other test subjects mentioned in the same document are also 20+).

We don’t have as exact an age for when Donna was adopted by Miranda, but in discussing the event, the gardener’s diary at the Beneviento’s household does say she’s been an outsider ‘ever since childhood’ – ergo, childhood is in her past. Granted, childhood may not be all that far behind her, if being adopted by someone like Miranda isn’t too weird, but late teens/early twenties would fit – and tracks with how she looks too.

Also worth noting is that Dimitrescu’s three ‘daughters’ have remained ‘children’ since at least 1958. They don’t look all that much younger than Donna, but they do add some supporting evidence to suggest that cadou implantation functionally freezes you at that age indefinitely. Now, as amalgamations of monstrous flies masquerading in humanoid shape, it's quite possible the Dimitrescu daughters are outliers even in Miranda’s twisted family, but I think the point still stands: everything points to Dimitrescu and Heisenberg being their full-grown, middle-aged selves long before Miranda ever got her hands on them.

What year each of the four lords joined Miranda’s family is the more interesting question – the dates we’ve got may be more spread out than you'd think.

Miranda

Miranda’s own encounter with the megamycete is the one we have the most concrete info on: it occurred shortly after her daughter’s death in the Spanish Flu outbreak a hundred years ago, so presumably 1919 or 1920. Images during the game’s credits show a little of the village’s history as Miranda began experimenting on the villagers, presumably soon afterwards, given the epidemic still seems to be in action.

How soon she began her cadou experiments isn’t clear, but was certainly by the 1950s at the very latest.

Lady Dimitrescu (and family)

Lady Dimitrescu is one we have a loose date on: from the maid’s diary we know that both she and her daughters were well-established in the castle by 1958. She may well be the oldest of the four lords. Miranda lists "Alcina D" as her 181st subject – experimentation had clearly been going for a good while by that point. As noted above, she was 44 years old.

Considering how effortlessly she inhabits her role, and considering what we're told about the village's four noble families, it's no surprise that Miranda records "Alcina D" as being of "noble descent." That she carries a 'hereditary blood disease' (presumably hemophilia: famously common in European nobility due to inbreeding) only adds to the picture.

So it is surprising that Miranda goes on to note that she's "not from the village," and Dimitrescu's own diary states that Miranda gave her the castle and her daughters (much as Moreau talks about being ‘given’ his mountain). Even the winemaking notes vaguely allude to the castle having previous occupants (implied: not the Dimitrescu family).

The original Japanese version of Miranda's experiment notes provides one interesting clue: here "Alcina D" isn't just 'of noble descent', but specifically descended from a fallen noble ‒ a detail which begins to paint an interesting picture. It's hard to imagine Miranda doing many experiments on outsiders from wealthy families, whose disappearance could raise difficult questions. But a former aristocrat fallen on hard times (and suffering from hemophilia to boot) might even be prepared to volunteer for Miranda's 'treatments', if given the hope of having her health and fortune restored. So Lady D certainly comes from privilege, but perhaps from somewhat further afield than you might think.

There’s a fan theory that Lady Dimitrescu was in fact the same jazz singer pictured on the cover of a CD you can find in Ethan and Mia’s home, by a band called ‘Lady D and the Pallboys’. And while I think people treating it as definitive canon are getting carried away by what’s more of an easter-egg at best, it's not impossible. A younger Alcina might well have had to work to support herself in the years before meeting Miranda.

The bit about being ‘given’ her daughters seems to hold water too. Though Lady Dimitrescu clearly took many cadou research subjects from her own servants, it may have been Miranda who performed the experiment that created her daughters: she's the one featured in the photo in the book detailing their creation, and the text sounds far more like her voice than Dimitrescu’s.

There's some conflicting info about how much control Lady D has over her transformation into her mutated form. In game, she transforms only after being stabbed with a poisoned dagger, and it doesn't seem that voluntary ‒ in one voice line, she declares that only Miranda has ever seen that form before. So it's odd that Miranda describes her as having 'arbitrary control' over body transformation in her notes on Subject 181 ‒ only to later speculate that "if the subject's regeneration is not properly balanced then she may mutate uncontrollably" in the report from her lab at the end of the game, which suggests no control at all.

This is another detail that does add up a little better in the original Japanese, which may be closer to, "There is also concern that cell division will not be controlled if the metabolic balance is disrupted by poisonous substances" ‒ the speculation there is specifically about poison making her vulnerable, or making her lose control (which it certainly does in game).

Whatever her history, the name 'Dimitrescu' is apparently the one genuine Romanian surname among the lords. Etymologies suggest it may be related to the Greek Demeter, the goddess of spring, whose grief at the loss of her own daughter plunged the whole world into an endless winter ‒ so definitely some interesting thematic parallels there.

Donna Beneviento

Up the far opposite end of the scale, we have Donna Beneviento – almost certainly the youngest of the four lords. We don’t have a hard date for Donna either, but it was clearly after 1996 (and incredibly, there’s a case to be made that it may have been as recent as 2017). But see my other post for (much) more on the mysterious Beneviento family.

Still, even if "the four lords" have been around for much longer than 25 years, how do we know it was always the same four? Maybe Heisenberg wasn't the first to rebel.

The name ‘Beneviento’ sounds Italian (as does 'Donna'), but doesn’t seem to be a genuine Italian name. Possibly ‘Benevento’ is what they were aping.

Karl Heisenberg

Heisenberg gives us much less to go on. He alludes to having spent ‘decades’ as Miranda’s ‘son’ (so, let’s assume he can't have joined the family more recently than the 90’s at the very latest). Dimitrescu dismisses him as ‘but a child’, which does suggest he’s a lot younger than her. Given that Dimitrescu’s daughters joined the family before 1958, and that Miranda was still completing her little family as recently as 1996, this makes it entirely possible that Heisenberg is actually younger than little Bela, Cassandra and Daniela. Which certainly puts a different spin on that ‘but a child’ line – never mind that that man is over 40 if he’s a day old.

The dog tag Heisenberg wears is potentially significant, but not very specific. The shape and design matches German dog tags which came in during WWI, and were still in use through WWII and presumably beyond. Modern designs differ, but it's hard to find good info on when that shape fell out of use. Mind you, I've seen Romanian dog tags of the same shape too ‒ it seems to have been widely used. So this may well hint that Heisenberg served in the military somewhere, somewhen, but it could also have belonged to a friend or family member. The other objects he wears are a compass and a scale, FWIW.

Interestingly, a couple of tidbits from the Japanese game text strongly suggest Heisenberg’s ‘lordly’ status is little more than fiction. It’s not just that Dimitrescu dismisses him as ‘riffraff’ in her diary (though this, too, is stronger in Japanese, where he’s more specifically ‘of low blood’). What's more interesting is that Heisenberg’s own diary echoes the same idea.

Where in English it reads "I was just lucky I had more affinity to the stuff than the other poor shmucks in the village" there’s a preceding clause in the Japanese version (貴族なんて身分も) that seems to mock the idea of his ‘aristocratic’ status. This one being a little beyond my own fangirl Japanese, I threw it to my sister (the one who actually spent a year in Japan), and she suggested something more like, ‘Aristocrats? Status? Hah! We just happened to have better compatibility than regular villagers, that's it.’ Neither of us are super-fluent speakers, but the implication Heisenberg’s called a ‘lord’ only because he happened to survive Miranda’s experiments still comes through.

Heisenberg is, of course, a German name – obviously taken from the theoretical physicist Werner Karl Heisenberg, of uncertainty principle fame, which also ties in with the character’s mad science theme.

Salvatore Moreau

Which brings us to Moreau, at which point I can only really give up. He could be as young as Donna or as old as Dimitrescu ‒ there’s next to nothing to hint at how long he’s been around. We know he’s responsible for creating the first varcolac, and that he had at least one assistant at some point, but the latter did not survive the creation of the former.

That ‘Moreau’s clinic’ sign (complete with picture of a syringe) may hint that he had some past career as a doctor – or it may just be pointing to wherever he ran his experiments on unwitting villagers. Still, the fact it’s so much nicer that the roughly-written sign pointing to his new mountain laboratory does suggest it might be a relic from an earlier life.

In addition to the big 'Mother' tattoo with the jellyfish, anyone paying really close attention might also spot a faint anchor tattoo on his forearm, and a rather cute fish tattoo on the underside. This may all hint at a nautical background, or they could just be your basic fish man = sailor tattoos association.

Speaking of Moreau, given the general hostility that characterises Miranda’s family, it’s surprising the one and only positive interaction between any of them comes from Moreau’s diary. According to Moreau, Heisenberg comforted him about his place in the family, telling him they were each given a flask because they were all needed at the ceremony. Maybe this came out more sneering in person, but given how Heisenberg later dismisses Moreau as ‘that moronic freak’, it’s surprisingly nice of him to bother – even with what he presumably knew was no more than a comforting lie.

Although Miranda's notes describe him as being unable to control his transformation into his giant fish form, it's notable that Moreau is the only character we do see shift back into human form after he first appears transformed. That said, the rest of his behaviour does suggest his control is somewhat limited (and even that Miranda may be manipulating him remotely).

The name ‘Moreau’ comes of course from The Island of Doctor Moreau, famed for creating animal-human hybrids (who likewise had difficulty controlling their animal sides). But it’s also a real French name ‒ apparently one that originated as a nickname for someone with dark skin (from 'more').

A bit more on those lordships

How legit the nobility of the ‘four lords’ is supposed to be is an interesting question. By fairy tale video game logic, it’s only natural that Miranda’s four most successful experiments should represent the four noble families of the region: the ceremony site features four giant statues, you can collect relics that mention the village’s four founders, etc.

But in practice, only Dimitrescu is really referred to as ‘Lady Dimitrescu’, or any other title (if you're paying really close attention, you might catch the Duke referring to 'Lord Heisenberg' and 'Lord Moreau' when you sell him their remains, but in his introductory spiel, it's only Dimitrescu who gets any honours). Donna at least comes from a family rich enough to have a gardener, but Heisenberg and Moreau live in a factory and a dam: not especially 'noble'.

Stranger still, the names on those relics belonging to the 'four founders' aren’t Dimitrescu, Beneviento, Heisenberg and Moreau, they’re Berengario, Cesare, Guglielmo and Father Nichola. Now, these could be first names rather than family names (all seem to exist as both), but they're also all Italian, which makes for an odd combination the French, German and Romanian surnames of the 'lords' we meet in the game. You can find the current lords' names carved in stone in the wall of one of the caves (pictured above) ‒ but just because it's carved in stone doesn't have to mean it's been there forever.

Throw in the fact that Dimitrescu is apparently not from the village, and how Heisenberg mocks the idea of himself as any kind of lord, comparing himself to the 'other poor schmucks in the village', and the whole idea that any of these four are legitimately descended from those founders starts to look pretty suss.

It seems to be a popular theory that Heisenberg at least (and potentially Moreau too) was simply random experimental subjects that Miranda renamed in honour of region’s one-time noble families, raising them to lordly status to support her own legitimacy. But if those old relics are to be believed (to say nothing of the experiment report for 'Alcina D'), I'd actually go a step further and suggest maybe she didn’t even bother renaming anyone. After all, if Mother Miranda declares that the four great houses of the village are (and always were) Dimitrescu, Heisenberg, Beneviento and Moreau, who'd dare contradict her?

On Miranda's filing system

Near the very end of the game, when Chris explores Miranda’s laboratory, we find four books containing her research notes on the four lords. Now, I am absolutely reaching with at this point, but I can’t help wonder if the order of these four books might just be significant – the order in which those four experiments took place, perhaps?

True, the books are lying on the table, rather than filed neatly in order in the bookshelf – but they’re not in the order you fight the four lords (the sequence those symbols appear in elsewhere). Donna’s is the last of the four, which would be consistent with her being the youngest. And Heisenberg’s is to the right of Dimitrescu’s, which tracks with him being younger than her.

So it’s interesting that the first in the set isn’t Dimitrescu’s (as I’ve already speculated above), but Moreau’s. Lady D is second, Heisenberg third, and Donna last. So could Moreau be the eldest sibling? He doesn’t carry anything like Dimitrescu's authority, but there is a certain twisted logic to the idea the hideously deformed Moreau may have been one of Miranda’s earliest experiments. And there's a compelling tragedy to the idea of him as Miranda’s first son, supplanted and outdone by each new sibling to follow him as the years went on.

(Or, you know, Miranda might just have left those four books lying around at random, the order meaning nothing at all. It’s all speculation down here.)

The Duke

No discussion of the four lords would be entirely complete without touching on the fact the Duke was at one point intended to be the fifth lord of the village. Between his name, the fact he's got some sort of weird powers, and has obviously been involved in all the weirdness around the village for a long time, this is hardly surprising.

So it's a little disappointing that the fact that he "was going to be the fifth lord" is pretty much all the notes that come with his artwork will tell us on the subject.

His villainous role in the Shadows of Rose DLC logically should have been a big clue here, but if anything, the Masked Duke only muddies the waters. Miranda's notes on the subject tell us he's merely a twisted copy of "a man I once knew." Which doesn't exactly suggest he was ever one of her experiments, let alone one of her 'lords'.

Either way, the owl crest that can be glimpsed in the background of Duke's shop (above left) and in his carriage (above right) is exactly the kind of throwaway detail that could fuel years of fan speculation. The carriage version bears the text "L'argent defend le droit" (apparently French for 'Money defends the right/the law'), which is certainly fitting.

But the text on the shop background (as near as anyone can make out) reads "The Right Honourable Lady Carolyn Margaret Divine" ‒ a reference to nothing and no-one any RE fan has been able to identify. It could be a reference to material that got cut. It could be a vital clue to a future RE title. Or they could just be fucking with us at this point.

Aaand that about wraps it up for the four lords.

As I said back on my original Donna post, I really don't think there are any definitive answers to the RE: Village timeline. If you'd prefer to headcanon that the Moreaus were once the village's most respected founding family or that the Dimitrescus have lived in that castle for generations, knock yourselves out ‒ there's nothing in the game to say they couldn't have been. Half the stuff that seems to add up one way or the other may be just a happy accident. But the clues still we get fascinate me, and coming up with theories that could fit all the little details hidden in documents and optional dialogue is exactly the kind of challenge I'm here for.

[fateandloveentwined]

number of unique chinese characters in a book

So there's this blog I read long ago on the number of unique chinese characters one uses. Say a person writes a 10k chinese novel. But how many characters are discrete?

Classical chinese poems and songs have me doubting my chinese ability as always, and that got me curious about how many chinese characters I know or write on a daily basis.

To answer this (and to very much knock my confidence like an idiot) I put together something to count the number of unique chinese characters in a passage. I use about... 2.8k characters in my general writing.

Then I wondered about the authors I read.

A quick search online suggests that a chinese user knows and uses 1000-3000 characters regularly, and after high school you are supposed to have taken in over 6000 characters -- something I'm pretty sure I didn't do.

That said, I got curious about the number of unique characters these authors I read usually use. That doesn't at all indicate writing competency, but well, it felt interesting regardless so I decided to go play with that a bit.

For reference, jinyong's wuxia novels are around 3.5k to 4.5k unique characters per novel.

you only need 2.5-3k characters to use chinese like natives do, it's not too much really!

methodology rambles feel free to skip to next heading

I recorded some numbers and figures for something to work with with works I enjoyed. Fanfics I also included, which I saved on my computer a long time ago.

I made attempts to analyse the data in a fairer way, looking at the total word count and the highest frequency of "的"s (a very common chinese particle, think the letter "e") used in the passage. That sort of helped, but at the same time there are always outliers that manage to muddle up understanding every single time.

So now, observations. I categorised them into four levels according to the number of unique characters, from lowest to highest.

observations

note: notable novels are highlighted in yellow for easy spotting, and fanfictions are shaded in grey. I added english titles for most of them because I didn't put them in when I first did the screencaptures.

first level: below 3.5k unique characters

Good authors don't always equate an extensive character set. Conversely, there are authors who basically cannot write well (subjective) and still end up with a surprisingly not-low unique character count.

Works like 靜影沉璧、瀟湘水冷、風骨同守 that adopted a more literary, classical chinese writing register had lower unique character counts than the others. This was not what I expected, considering these works were where I found most words I'm unfamiliar with and ended up questioning my chinese reading ability (sorry lol).

I was also surprised with 潭石、水千丞、覆水難收、木蘇里 (mu su li) because their writing are all pretty good, all achieved while using a much smaller lexicon range than what I've expected.

(不問三九 with good writing was also low and in this range, but I forgot to mark hers down so, shrugs.)

second: 3.6k to 4.5k characters

That said, some authors do typically reach a range of around 3.6-3.7k unique characters, which is a pretty wide character set. Supposing adding a book of an author increases the total number of unique characters the author has used, these authors tend to round up at around 4k+ words with 2-4 novels inputted.

With each book added, there would be an increase of a few hundred unique characters, but they tend to level off at about 4.3k etc., and that is likely their maximum unique character count.

Some do level off at around 3.7k though, which indicates a narrower range of lexicon employed.

third level: the weird level

weird because the unique character count increases by leaps and bounds with every new novel of theirs that I added, and we end up perplexed and baffled.

At around 1M to 1.5M words inputted from an author, I thought that the unique character count would be pretty steady already, similar to how the unique character counts for authors at the second level levelled off eventually.

That's not the case for these two authors here. It is perplexing because the settings of their books do not vary greatly, yet the choice of characters and words were, apparently, diverse enough to give a "forever"-going increase in unique character count with every book I added.

This category aggravates me so much I couldn't make head and tail of it honestly lol.

the final level: the eloquent and literate

Of course, in this world there are always very literate individuals, and verbose they may seem, some are good writers. Here are the authors who actually have a vast unique character range.

You may be wondering how this 3.7k differs from the ones in the second level, but bear in mind this is merely the result from a single work of the author, or that the author's book is, like, half the length of the other authors while achieving a far higher unique character count than others.

And there's meatbun at the top of the list; I used both 2ha and Yu Wu for her stats, but her 2ha alone was already higher than Royal Nirvana and any other book I tested, so she goes in this category.

And et voila. All of this may not make sense to you, I'm not even sure about how the reception of this would be, it was a passion project and an interesting evening that I had, and now that I have some (sort of subjective) results I hope to share it out. :)

feel free to hmu for peculiar thought experiments and discussions on this topic!!

this is a repost from another site. i have used too many a username, and am not ready to link together all of them yet (someday) -- if you recognise this and wonder, message me, that's probably another account of mine.

[genderqueer-culture-is]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

I think you're so obsessed with fitting everything into a strict binary definition that you go around to random accounts to try and pull a bad faith "gotcha" argument on anon. The reality is that no definition of any word in the English language will ever full encapsulate every possible nuance associated with it, and that this focus on the outliers is unhealthy and based in the need for patriarchal order and neat labels. This obsession leads to harm not only to trans perisex individuals (which I bet is your goal), but it also harms cis intersex AND cis perisex people as seen with the current discourse over the Olympics. Using buzz words does not hide the fact that you don't care if something is "sexist", your feminism and allyship is performative at best and simply meant to make you feel better about yourself

And, truthfully, its up to the person to describe what limits to a binary attraction means to them. Most gay men will not encounter a trans man who isn't t4t, this entire question isn't even that important. Gay men are attracted to men. Its up to them to define that, really, and if they decide to be transphobic weirdos then the consequences are no different than a gay man being biphobic or lesbiphobic.

And if we're being honest you look crazy right now, coming from someone diagnosed with osdd and psychosis. You've come to a random blog that hasn't updated in forever to spout fallacies and buzz words hoping to get an answer you can twist to your ends, the only way you could have found this blog is by searching genderqueer and trans tags. This is called "unhealthy", its not healthy to search for something you actively hate. Trans people as a whole do not actually effect your life. You've fallen for a satanic panic level lie meant to pull your attention away from the corruption of our governments and the downfall of society as we know it.

tldr; you're fucking weird in a bad way, go outside

[blackwoolncrown]

Hello! Real question here. How come 'queer' is a white cishetcentric concept?

I feel like I answered that in the very post I mentioned it but on the grounds that this is a good faith question, here is my sentiment on the matter:

'Queer' as a word connotates strangeness, outlier qualities etc.

Contemporary lgbt ppl often tout a stance of reclamation and we are occupied with both being proud of this non-normativity and justifying strangeness as natural.

This makes sense only within a context that still somehow centers and organizes in relation to a sense of normativity that is cis,white,het. Those cannot be separated because the mainstream gender norms were created WITH whiteness during colonization as a justification for the brutal violences against indigenous people.

This whole process of being like "Yeah I *am* strange! I'm weird! That's good! In fact nature is queer too!" is silly to me because again, there s nothing weird or strange about gender or sexual diversity. There is nothing truly strange in all of nature- only from a human normative perspective (and a narrow one at that) that views nature as separate from self, unknowable and somewhat hostile. To itself, nature in all its diversity IS common.

And that's all it is at the end of the day: mundane, natural diversity, the likes of which was and is well documented on the gender/sexuality scale in precolonial indigenous society.

I am not weird, I'm not an outlier. I'm not even 'afraid' of being weird- I just feel like the idea is juvenile. It's reactionary. It's coping. I'm beyond coping.

My identity is common, natural. It is not in opposition to a cis-het identity. It is just one of many possible ways to be. I am not comparing myself to cis het people. I would be me without them.

Let me repeat: I refuse to have an identity that requires cisheterosexuality in its definition. I am entirely disinterested in triangulating myself around or against notions of identity thought up by delirious, violent, spiritually ill europeans some scant handful of generations ago when I can have a sense of identity far broader and older than that.

My people existed for thousands upon thousands of years before 'queerness' was invented and tbh I think that it is an inevitable stumbling block that we today are concerned with looking back at these identities- which were as far as labels are involved more social roles than personal identities- and trying to understand and valuate them through a contemporary queer lens.

overall contemporary LGBT identity struggles are more concerned with seeing sexuality and gender as an individualistically oriented quality than a language of social role and responsibility which IMO is one area where it can fail to provide some people with a sense of personal meaning and solidity they seek. But you can't expect much else from an individualistic culture.

This is not to say that there are not gender/sexuality identities that DO have this quality of being more a social role but it is no wonder that most of that cultural aspect is found with and originates from people of color, generally speaking. This is also not to say there aren't reasons WHY contemporary queer culture is centered around reactivity and response to oppression. I'm just saying like... I don't personally vibe with the idea that my existence and expression is here to be a form of rebellion. I am saying it exists beyond, before, during and after any oppression. I am who I am with or without white people or colonization and ONLY within the context of created-white created-cishet people have I ever been considered 'strange' in any way. I'm not gonna affirm to myself and in my reality some shit ppl like that made up. I'm not in the business of centering the opinions of petty oppressors.

Lastly I feel like a non-zero amount of so-called queer people become so preocupied with reclaiming queerness by expressing an outer strangeness (which has its purpose!) that we overlook that for many what they really fear is being totally unremarkable and common.

I personally find it more important to develop an identity that explains what you do in the village; what you are to your loved ones.

:shrug:

[vivianquill]

Emberfish!!! Au!!!! It's so good!

Theres something FISHY going up in this au....... Ahah

Anyways i don't really know what to ask i just want to say i love it nd i appreciate you. Its great

Oh yeah, so here are some questions: how social merpeople are is based on dolphins, right? Are the pods always only 3 people? Do you think merpeople can survive alone or in a sort of close knit "village" with others? They should be able to hunt, right?

Thank you!! There is something fishy going on, i'm glad you've noticed ;)

How social mer are is actually based off of both dolphins and humans. I've found that people underestimate just how social we are as human beings, and how, if you are put in an environment that requires you to work together with a group to survive, natural selection tends to hone those more social instincts. And on top of that, being alone in the vast ocean where sometimes it's hard to tell up from down and day from night can drive a mer mad if they don't have SOMEONE to talk to. Mer find it a lot easier to end up in situations that are sensory depriving. And for a species hardwired to be on alert at all times? That sort of thing takes it's toll.

It's also a little bit taken from space aus and "humans are weird/earth is space australia" stuff I've seen and really enjoyed over the years. Especially with Martyn's thoughts on 'mer will pod-bond with anything that gives them enough attention.' it's essentially the mer version of pack-bonding for humans, and how we tend to build relationships with any sort of animals we can feasibly keep as a pet, and even inanimate objects.

A pods of around 7-15 mer is considered the normal size for a pod, and is typically the size for a stable 'family' pod. A family pod is usually from 1-3 mating pairs, along with their children, and perhaps a few other friends or younger mer from other pods who are courting or become friends with their children.

The minimum for a pod is 3, because otherwise that's just a pair, and from 3-7 mer is considered a small pod. I've gone over this before in other asks, but as mer grow up, it's not uncommon for teenage mer to leave their family pods (sometimes alone, if there's another pod they can join right away, but more typically in pairs or trios of siblings or pod-mates) and strike out on their own. These younger mer will often form friend based pods (like Grian's pod or like the NHO pod that Etho and Bdubs belonged to before they left and met Tango), which are pretty unstable until the mer fully mature, and often end up becoming new family pods as romance blooms, yadda yadda yadda birds and the bees.

Not always, though, as we see with both the 'bet' pod (Bdubs, Etho, nd Tango) and Grian's pod. Etho, Bdubs, and Tango could join up with another pod if they wanted to, they just don't.

Anything bigger than roughly 15 members is considered a 'large' pod. There tend to be fewer of these, and they tend to be more migratory because of their larger draw on the resources around them. Large pods also tend to be more unstable as different smaller pods can join or leave depending on the time of year and the specific migratory path, and teen mer who have left the family pod where they grew up might join or leave whenever. They due tend to be great sources of gossip and general knowledge and skills, though, due to the many members and because they have more hands to do the work they can get more specialized in what they know. They also tend to have more well established migration paths, and normally there's a more stable extended family in a large pod that acts as the 'backbone' and leadership, so to speak. They tend to function like more like close knit little villages, rather than small family groups.

The hivemind pod (lead by Doc) is a very unique outlier in this, being completely stationary, and having roughly 50 members at any given time. They're basically trying to create mer agriculture, and are already a major trading center.

While lone mer can survive on their own, especially as adults, it is very very hard and very very stressful. Most don't do it unless they have to, because of how dangerous the ocean can be. Hunting in general is difficult, and mer need meat in their diets to support their high metabolisms. They can survive off of foraging alone, but clams and other shellfish can be hard to get into without the right strength or tools, and mer can't survive off of only plants in the long run.

When one wrong move can net you an injury that might impede your ability to hunt, and you're alone? That mer is basically shark chum unless they are either very lucky or can find someone to help. A mer alone lives on a kinfe's edge. Most simply choose the safer option to be in a pod.

[mud-castle]

sfowefnjfwkn;l I'm trying to figure out the biology of the pantalian(?) dragons and it is just. so confusing.

For example, do rainwings secrete poison, acid, or anything else? Some poisons can burn/damage skin, but not to Queen Scarlet level, and that's not even talking about how it would have to pass through SCALES, not skin! AND HOW DO THEIR FANGS WORK. ARE THEY FELXIBLE. DO THEY HAVE TO AWKWARDLY MOVE THEIR HEAD TO AIM. WHAT IS GOING ON.

How do Sandwings survive? They don't have an easy way to get rid of heat(Ex: Big ears) aside from their 'sails' and even then that's IFFY cause I don't know if blood runs through it or not. Realistically, they should be awake during evening/dawn, or night(Based on whether the dunes get cold at night) but they seem to be active during the day?? but they can still get heatstroke??? tf is going ON with these guys.

Mudwings are fine, ig. nothing really special. Trying to make em more like crocodiles.

Nightwings are also fine- making them more like fluffy bats. Volcano idea might get scrapped/reworked, so there's that. Still gotta massively nerf Mindreading/FutureSight.

Why are Seawings so small? Do their ears fold underwater- wait, why do they go above land? They can live underwater without ever going up, and with the war and all, it would make sense if they never left. Maybe they still need to get air, but they live in coastal areas/islands and have the 'mudwings can hold their breath for an hour thing'? Would give them some actual stakes.

Skywings should have feathers/beaks. They would get cold in high altitudes, and they should just have feathers cause they have nothing else going on with them.

I am not touching Icewings with a ten foot pole. They do not radiate cold. They have fur. They live in the Taiga. I will die on this hill.

aeejcnjkdnddjikssk this dragon series has me by a chokehold.

*Pyhrrian* and Welll

Poison and acid are not mutually exclusive, could be both and scales can be very tough but they will be affected regardless, and there are 100% acids strong enough to do that to Queen Scarlet. Idk man, they open their mouths and black acid comes out, that's about as far as the books describe. Where did it come from? Are their teeth stronger and hollow? Does it come from behind their teeth? Back of the throat? Are their mouths made of tougher stuff so the inside doesn't melt or does the acid never touch the inside of their mouths? Idk.

Idk man they just be doin it. Mind you, it's canon that Sandwings can get heatstroke so idk what they're doing always running around in the middle of the day.

I think the fact that Mudwings are fine shows how neglected they are as tribe. Which is sad..

I am unfortunately not on the dragons with fur train when it comes to WoF, you do you though. Also 100% more batlike Nightwings. I think there's a lot of ways to go about Mindreading without nerfing it. For example I found out that apparently some people narrate their lives internally while others have more concepts they hold unless they're thinking of something specific. There's a lot to do with just that. Future sight is honestly not overpowered. The average future-sighted Nightwing has 1 unclear vision a week, Clearsight and Darkstalker had 10,000 clear visions a day and are outliers who should never have been counted.

Seawings being aquatic is exactly why I've been questioning why they ever joined the war to begin with. Trade is basically nonexistant, they have no settlements on land, why bother with the war at all?? There could be Seawings who don't know how to verbally speak because there's got to be seawings who've never had much of a need to go above water.

As with fur, I've never personally been a fan of feathers on the dragons. I do like to think that Skywing fire burns the hottest (rather than Sandwings) and that's why they don't get cold up there. They're living furnaces, which would also explain why firescales are specific to them.

Icewings are weird.

I explain away some of the weirdness I want to keep in my rewrite as an effect of magic during the evolution of the dragons, and other stuff is just kept because Rule of Cool or suspension of disbelief.

[tripleadisaster]

A question for my fellow AFAB trans people (transmasc, non-binary or something else):

If you are planning to get top surgery, already had it, are just thinking about it, or not thinking about it at all: how would you describe how you feel about having boobs?

A bit of context: I myself identify with agender/non-binary and am at the start of my journey to get top surgery one day. So I am talking with a psychologist specialised in trans related healthcare, and naturally get questions like "how do you feel about your boobs", "how did you feel when you got your first period", etc.

But since avoiding feelings (probably because I grew up just thinking I was the weird one/outlier in feeling not at home in my body) is easier than actually dealing with them I'm having some issues translating this to my psychologist.

So the best thing I could think of was what I heard when I was a small child: that there were people who would get an arm/leg/other limb amputated because it was so to say "not a part that belonged to their body". And that felt a lot like how I feel about having boobs, I hate it, and they don't belong on my body.

Needless to say I found out right after saying that, that this was body dismorphia, and that it was pretty much considered to be a mental illness and that amputations because of body dismorphia rarely happened.

So now I am wondering how other people would explain this feeling, mostly out of curiosity but also because I am now questioning my own identity again since I feel like a lot of people expect me to transition FtM but that doesn't exactly feel right either.

Anyways, I doubt this will get a lot of answers, but I hope y'all can help me out a bit. Thanks in advance!

[sideshow-tornado]

5 8 10 28 41 50 ❤️

5 what’s the last album you listened to?

The newest Pearl Jam record “Dark Matter” which I’ve been listening to a lot. I really dig it, but it’s my favorite band of all time so I’m an easy mark. Except their last studio album is the only one I haven’t overwhelmingly loved/enjoyed, so it’s a nice return to form.

8 if you could choose one language to instantly be fluent in, which one would you pick?

Probably Spanish, because I live in Texas and know a fair amount of the language already, would be very useful to have fluency.

10 what was your dream job as a child and is it anything like your current job?

I wanted to be a stand up comedian, an actor, and a film director. My current job is a retail optical and Optometrist medical office, so it’s not anything remotely like I what I wanted to be when I was a child. Although I sate the artistic desires best I can in my spare time, never found a path to making a living at it.

28 what’s your favourite sandwich?

I LOVE sandwiches, from a simple PB&J to a gourmet panini, but my absolute favorite sandwich of all time is from an Austin, TX submarine sandwich chain, Thundercloud Subs, the “Office Favorite” as it is called which is an egg salad sandwich with bacon & cheese, I opt for American, and also get shredded lettuce, mayo & regular mustard, and their “ThunderSauce” which is a special sauce they have that is soy bean oil/red wine vinegar/paprika, all on a 12 inch whole wheat sub roll. It has been too long since I’ve had one and I must get it again soon.

41 what family member, immediate or otherwise, do you get along with the best?

At the moment not a lot of them. I am very close to my parents, even if we all mutually frustrate each other often. I am close to my cousin’s oldest son, who is 23, and partly named after me. And another cousin’s husband I am quite close to and get along very well with, since “cousin in-law” is not really a thing we just refer to each other as cousins. I was a groomsman in his wedding to my cousin and he was a groomsman in my (less successful) wedding.

50. how long was your shortest relationship?

I would say I have a higher threshold of what constitutes a relationship, so the shortest one I can recall was about 4 months. And it doesn’t arm like that much of an outlier because I only have one relationship that lasted longer than a year (the failed marriage again), but I had a string of 11 month long relationships in my late teens and twenties, things just kept falling apart shy of the one year mark. It’s weird to think about now because I would have imagined I was single for so much of my youth but compared to my current record breaking singlehood stretching for years on end and far less dating activity overall it doesn’t even come close.

As always thank you for your interest and your questions 😎

[nova-dracomon]

Does identifying as a hydra mean I must be plural?

We gotten variations of this question several times now, so we're compiling all our thoughts into one post.

tldr; No, you don't have to be plural to be a hydra.

However, that it doesn't mean it's not a question worth considering. Hydras do seem like the perfect "multiple beings one body" personification. Not that we're biased as a hydra otherlinker of course. As a counter example, the pokedex entry for the pokemon hydreigon says repeatedly that the 'mon only has one central mind despite having multiple heads.

So we started with the linktype technically, but it's unclear if we ever would have been drawn to it without being plural. This is an entry from our journal when we first formed the linktype:

"My own reason is because I feel this creature is a fitting representative of my inner narrative. Being a hydra takes all of the contradictory elements of my "self" and brings them together in a way that makes sense to me. Others may disagree, but this identity is for myself. At the end of the day, no one knows my experiences better than myself.

I just "knew." I had a feeling and thought "haha like a hydra." and BAM I knew it was something I wanted to pursue. I have considered other creatures in the past, but they didn't give me the same rush of emotion and "me-ness" as this sudden thought and species did." - July 2021

Our plural "awakening" happened parallel to it. We don't spend any time in the plural communities nor want to so we don't know all the terms. Not sure if awakening is the word to use, but it gets the point across. We all collectively choose to identity as a hydra despite having individual forms because we feel drawn to one another and don't want to be separated. Presenting this way in the headspace lets our speech and thoughts flow more easily and just feels good to be honest.

If you're interested, we have another piece that goes more in-depth on how it feels being a hydra.

tldr; The closest comparison we can think of is of a bunch of dogs all curled up in a dog bed together. It might look squished, but it’s comfortable. It’s hard to tell where one dragon ends, and another begins. We could get our own beds, but we're cute like that and it makes us feel closer to one another.

But back on topic:

It was easier initially to see the hydra (were really into Godzilla at the time and watching the new king of monsters dvd) and realized there was something there we wanted even if we couldn't articulate it at the time.

This isn't to say you have to be plural to be a hydra, but it's how it worked out for us. Hydras are a huge category of creatures that vaguely is a serpent with multiple heads. But it'd be a question that would come up in alterhuman spaces and is worth thinking on if only to have an answer when others ask. And "I'm not sure." or "I'm still sussing things out." are totally acceptable answers! This stuff takes time and no matter how confident others sound, only you can know what the right terms for yourself are.

Depictions of hydras are hard to come by to begin with, but It makes sense that there'd be more than two possible options (one mind vs multiple fully independent ones). The original reason for linking a hydra was still a valid one imo even if we would have not ended up plural as well.

If you're a hydra or questioning it and feeling like an outlier don't let it get to you. Being a hydra in the community is to be slightly weirder among the weird anyway. The important thing is to find your truth.

Speaking from experience, even if you never find someone else with your exact thing going on, there's a lot of comradery to be found in alterhuman circles. A lot of the core feelings and experiences resonate with others even if everyone experiences them their own way.

[theabyssalmuses]

[ @firestormmaidenanddragon sent in: Garrett was on the run from some very angry guards, he had something that belonged to them, and he needed to lose the heat, or at least, hand over the item in question to someone else for now and claim it back later, thus he'd rush and pick up a bouquet of flowers, making sure to pay before going, and then tucking the relic at the bottom in secret before finding someone to hold the item for now.

This person would be, by coincidence, Mash, he felt he could trust her, though what he was about to do was bound to be confusing for her as he began to hand over the bouquet while trying to play it cool in the small hope the guards would quit the chase.

"Hey miss, I have a gift for you, some beautiful flowers as beautiful as you on this warm day, may I ask, what's your name?" ]

It was an entirely ordinary day by all accounts. The shieldmaiden strolled through the streets slowly- even now, off-duty, she still found herself contantly checking for danger or trouble. Surveying the area had shown nothing so far, just an ordinary settlement with ordinary people...though her trained ears soon picked up on something rather out of that ordinary. "Footsteps..? Heavy and fast, heading this way..." she thought to herself, turning on her heel to face the source of the sound. Steadfast and ready, she braced herself as a figure came running out from one of the back alleys! He seemed to be in a rush, but she couldn't identify anything about him that she would deem as a threat... in fact--

"Ah-- excuse me?" Mash was taken aback at first, at a stranger offering her a bouquet of flowers of all things. It was unexpected, an event that didn't happen often after all. Still, her polite nature just didn't let her refuse. "Oh my, thank you very much...?"

With some hesitance, she took hold of the bouquet and held is close to her, bowing her head in thanks. It was tricky for her to wrap her head around- why would someone just give her this? Why were they being so nice, all of a sudden, to a stranger? But as she thought on it she realised- well, why not? Mash did always like to think people were generally 'good' - with that idea in mind, she reasons that his behaviour is no outlier.

And so, with a smile, she introduces herself.

"My name is Mash Kyrielight. Could I also get your name-? After all, I'd like to know who to thank for these!" she says gleefully, glancing at the gorgeous flowers in her head- idly wondering how they smelled, but thinking it would be weird to sniff them right now...

"So what should I call you, Sir...?"

[90363462]

These Black Witches Are More Magical Than Halloween Myths Would Have You Believe

Source: Sergey Mironov / Getty

Black magic originated as a term to describe magic by Black folks. Over time “black magic” has been equated to darkness, demons, and evil. This was intentional propaganda by white supremacy to separate Black folks from our ancestral magic. MADAMENOIRE spoke with five modern-day Black witches to separate the truth from myths surrounding black magic and witchcraft. For the purpose of this article witchcraft is a catch-all term to describe nature-based spiritual practices and a witch is someone who participates in these practices.

Black Witch

Black Witch is a non denominational Pagan who grew up in a Christian household. At 15, after listening to the band of Christians P.O.D—short for Payable on Death—she started questioning Chrisitanity and realized that she didn’t believe most of what she was taught. She happened across Paganism after reading a book called Where to Park Your Broomstick by Lauren Manoy and felt more at home with a nature and metaphysics based belief.

Dianté Vance-Jewett

Dianté is a Black queer witch. Although he wasraised in an open-minded Christian household,he found some of the teachings of the Church demeaning. He sought a spirituality that didn’t view him as an abomination. With his Rags to Witches podcast co-host Fiona, he wasintroduced to crystals and tarot reading in college and learned he was a witch.

Frankie Nicholson

Frankie is a Puerto Rican and Black Pagan witch. After watching The Craft with his aunt at five years old, he realized he was a witchbecause he could do the same thing the characters did. From there, he learned more about being a witch. Although he grew up in a Catholic household, as he got older, he realized that there was santeria and rootwork present in his family’s faith.

Juju

Juju, the host of A Little Juju podcast, is a Hoodoo and Orisha devotee. She was baptized Catholic and switched to many different Christian denominations. In 2016, through online circles and community conversation, she learned that Hoodoo has always been a part of her life as a Black American even if she didn’t have the language for it. It was after watching Beyonce’s Lemonade visuals, that she sought out more information about Orishas and found a house and a godparent.

Keon

Keon, known online as Millennial Soul Food, is a Hoodoo who’s initiated into Ifa Isese. They were introduced to Hoodoo through their grandma who was a Seer, and in 2014, they joined a Hoodoo coven in Chicago. After a series of random synchronicities while living in New Orleans, they received a reading from a woman who later became their godmother when they were initiated into Ifa Isese.

MN: Thank y’all for agreeing to speak with Madame Noire. What do you think the media gets wrong about witchcraft and Black magic?

Dianté: In the media, you never really see the races mixed together. It’s not showing that witches are inclusive. It’s still showing that we’re kind of segregated.

Black Witch: It’s more than some random White girl chanting bad rhymes over a candle and it isn’t some stereotypical voodoo queen with wild hair. Men can be witches. A witch is a person, not a species. Folk magick is built into culture, not some weird outlier in opposition to science and medicine. And there certainly is a rhyme and reason in magic but new age and pop culture heavily erodes and ignores that, which is both aggravating and insulting.

Frankie: It’s like, “Let’s get this money. Let’s be beautiful.” They make it more about the outer when it’s about the inner. I noticed on social media, especially with younger people, everybody wants to do a hex. Everybody wants to do a love spell. Everybody wants to get somebody back. That’s not what it really is about.

Juju: It can do all of those bad things that y’all show, but that’s not the full story. The scale is uneven when showing the negative impacts of witchcraft and not the healing aspects of what it is.

Keon: In a lot of occult arts there’s left hand and right hand paths. Left hand is cursing and the right hand is uplifting. The media misconstrues a lot of primary focuses of witches and occultists. Most of the time it’s about figuring out your own limitations and using your spiritual practices or magic to fill in the gaps or find out more about yourself.

So, witchcraft is not demonic. It’s not a consumable good and it’s not all about curses. Why do you think the media focuses so heavily on these things?

Juju: Why would you want someone to know who they are if you’re trying to enslave them and you are enslaving them? Why would you want them to have faith? Why would you want them to feel that they have power? Why would you want them to conjure a new reality? You wouldn’t. I think that’s a partial reason as to why [the media says] “We’re gonna show the evilness and demonic nature of these traditions because we don’t want you to know that we actually are very afraid of them because we know what they can do, and we don’t want y’all to do that.”

And what can witchcraft do?

Juju: It is a healing tradition. It’s accountability. It helps you ground yourself in identity. Black folks are always striving to understand more about ourselves, who we are, and who we come from—whether that is a continent or whether that is South Carolina. Knowing those roots and being able to pinpoint some family history or personality traits or even the generational traumas and generational joys.

Keon: A big part of witchcraft is working with your shadow, and to become a more powerful witch you have to understand your own shadow and vulnerabilities. Understanding my own intergenerational trauma has really helped inform my magic and also mentorship with people. Witchcraft is also about returning to nature and getting in alignment with practices that are hundreds of years old.

Frankie: Setting intentions, being consistent with your prayers, doing the work, and then watching it manifest. That’s the real magic. Because if you don’t do the work, you can sit on the couch all day and nothing’s gonna change.

It seems like being a witch is about discipline, consistency, and healing. How has being a witch changed your day to day life?

Frankie: I’m blessed. As a child, you think you know what spirituality is. You think you know what prayer is. You think you know what faith is, but now that I’m an adult, I realize I know what it is now.

Juju: I know I’m able to wake up and ground myself in a practice, and I have ritual to rely on. I truly believe that ritual can change your life. Whatever you decide to practice regularly and internalize can completely shift your day and shift your experiences and your outlook on life. These traditions, particularly ancestral veneration and talking to my dead people shift my outlook all the time. I’m able to have a level of accountability that I didn’t have before because I can consult spirits. I can talk to people who see so much farther than I see. I think that in itself just impacts everything else.

Black Witch: I’m happier in it far, far more than I would have been in Christianity. I have hardships like everyone else but at least I feel like I can handle them better. Plus I like polytheism, it works for me since I feel like it helps me understand the world around me better.

Dianté: Witchcraft has helped me dive deeper into myself. Ever since I discovered I was a witch, I’ve been focusing on healing myself. That’s helped because for a long time I was such a people pleaser. Discovering that I’m a witch means I don’t have to go through this. I can manifest my own destiny.

Keon: With Ifa, it helped give me a blueprint for my spirituality. It helped me learn more about my spiritual gifts. It’s really helped me ground myself. With Ifa, specifically, there’s a set of character principles and then if you’re initiated you get taboos to help with structuring your life. It’s helped me understand more about my spiritual boundaries, my approach to relationships, and different mantras I need to focus on for my own spiritual path.

Do y’all have any advice for Black people who are interested in magic?

Frankie: Black people, know your roots. Before the slave trade, what were our ancestors practicing? Who were they praying to? What were they worshiping?

Juju: It’s important to know that there are things that exist that want us free because we see so many lies and tales about the things that don’t want us free, but imagine if we ground ourselves in the things that people have used that even got them free.

Black Witch: It isn’t a magic cure but it does help to become more comfortable in the self. Black culture already has things like ancestor worship built into it, folk remedies like ginger for a bad stomach, and ideas such as “speaking something into existence.” In a way, it is kind of already woven into the culture already.

So a lot of Black people already practice witchcraft?

Frankie: When people pray to God, you’re setting an intention, and you’re praying for something to happen. When you light up that candle and you look at it, and you blow that candle out for your birthday, you did a spell. When you sit there and you go to the cathedral and get that holy water, you bought a potion. When you take a shower after a hard day at work, you’re washing off old energy.

Since it’s Halloween, I’m curious as to why it’s such a big event for witches?

Keon: In the Northern hemisphere, specifically, we see the weather go from warm to cold as a time where a lot of spiritualists, pagans, and witches see the veil as becoming thinner because we see death occur more in nature. That’s why we see people celebrating Halloween because that’s the harvest of the seeds the ancestors have helped us sow.

The concept of liminality is also important because in nature, we see the trees change colors, the leaves change colors as they go through the liminal phase between living and death. That is a central concept to Halloween and the Day of the Dead as to why you see people giving more offerings to ancestors like Brujería in Mexico, Fèt Gede with the Haitian Vodou people, and Halloween with witches. It’s more about remembering and honoring the harvest and honoring the cyclical transitions in nature.

Thank you. I’ve never made that connection before. Final thoughts?

Frankie: Just better yourself. Try to do as best as you can because the world is going crazy. We have a pandemic. We have a lot of deaths going on which is weird. We have a lot of people saying their opinions on the Internet that don’t pay no one else’s bills, but everybody’s got to be heard. It’s too much going on. Just focus on yourself, focus on your spirits, focus on being your best self, because I’d rather go out smiling than being angry in my heart. I’d rather go out smiling.

The practice of witchcraft is self-love, self-respect, and honoring yourself. It is a lot of magic to it and it is weird, but it’s very real.

RELATED CONTENT: Hoodoo Heritage Month: Conjuring, Culture, And Community

[aidenlyons]

Later that afternoon, Aiden joins Jayce and Elias, who is doing his class work.

J: Aiden. It's been a few days. Sorry I didn't check in sooner. How are you settling in?

A: Oh, I'm good. It's starting to feel less like some foreign place and more like it could be home.

J: That's great! Have you found any jobs yet? I remember saying you were looking...

A: Not yet. I'm still looking.

J: No problem. I've lived here for a while, so just let me know if you need any help!

E: What the plum is the...*mumbles*

A: Thanks. It's great here, honestly. ... you ok there, Elias?

E: Yep. Fine. Good.

Aiden snickers but nods.

A: I did have one question though.

J: Shoot, what's up?

A: Would it be ok if I got a dog? A small dog. I promise, I'll make sure they're quiet.

Aiden feels a bit like he's asking a parent for permission, but maybe it's not that far off.

J: I don't mind, particularly, but you should ask the others, since they all live below you.

A: So, uh, Eli...

E: I trust you, but Kory might object. What'd you do to him?

A: Nothing! He hated me from day 1. Some weird bro code with Jake?

J: Jake?

A: My um.. the boyfriend I told you about. We split before I moved, he's on the football team with Eli and Kory.

A: I don't know what Jake told him -

E: Didn't tell him shit. Just that you two split.

A: Um, oh. Uh. I guess it's some sort of solidarity with Jake? I don't know.

J: Ok. Well, if Kory is the only outlier, then I don't mind if you get a dog, so long as it doesn't become a problem.

A: Cool, thank you, Jayce.

J: No problem, I want all of you guys to be comfortable. I get how it can be living on your own for the first time in a while.

Alfonso steps out to see where everyone went.

A: Alfonso! I have a question for you.

Al: What's up?

A: I was thinking of getting a small dog, but Jayce said I need to ask you guys since I live above you. I'll keep them quiet, promise.

Al: Oh! Yeah, that'd be fine!

Al: This will be amazing. Skylar and I love dogs! If you need a dogsitter, just let us know.

A: Thanks! So that just leaves... Jarod? Right?

J: Mhm. I'll take Alfonso's word for it about Skylar. Get Jarod's approval, and you're good.

A: That was easier than I expected. Thanks!

[milky-aeons]

— YOU CALLED ME SUGAR

౨ৎ . . . RANPO EDOGAWA was notoriously brilliant at solving riddles like they were mere child's play. there had never been a puzzle he could not solve — until, of course, he met you.

warnings: sexual content, swearing, criminal themes, female reader, mdni, w.c 1.6k

♪ . . . ˗ˏˋ ꒰ glitter in the air — p!nk ꒱ ˎˊ-

: ̗̀➛ The very first time you had met the enigmatic heart of Yokohama's Armed Detective Agency — Ranpo Edogawa, you had not expected him to be short and youthful, dressed in a funny looking detective's uniform and brimming with pride. You also did not expect him to insult your intelligence and tell you that your interview dress was ugly.

: ̗̀➛ Yet there was something about him that always caught your eye every time he stepped into the office. A type of magnetism. You would wonder to yourself what it was that wouldn't permit him to leave your mind — his brashness, that cap, the clink of marble in a glass whenever he was near? You were new at the ADA then, merely an accountant of ledgers, and were not around the main floor that often.

: ̗̀➛ So of course, you were beside yourself with shock when the short man came barging into your quaint office one day completely uninvited. Introducing himself not with an apology, an explaination, but a question that had made your head swim;

"You there!" He pointed at you. "I bet you have never solved Aristotle's Puzzle, have you!" Blinking, you gawped at him. "I—?" "I thought so!" He cut right across you, then lifted his hand to produce a small wooden board that held a grouping of hexagonal blocks, all with different numbers on them. You remembered his delighted little grin — almost like a child, desperate to show off — because it winded you so hard it made it difficult to breathe. "Want this great detective to show you how?"

: ̗̀➛ You had thought it would be the end, after that little encounter. That perhaps it had just been an extremely strange incident, an outlier, never to occur again. And yet the next day you arrived into work, you dropped all of the files tucked underneath your arm when you saw him there — perched on your table, kicking his legs.

"You're late!" He moaned, fixing you with an accusing stare. "I've solved and resolved this silly metal wire puzzle in the time it took you to climb the stairs."

: ̗̀➛ It became a routine for you to open your small office door to see the curious detective already there, fiddling with something or other to entertain himself and his quick mind. Days passed, weeks, and you grew accustomed to his presence. To the way he clicked his tongue, how he scratched the crown of his head that tousled all those ebony strands, how he poked your cheek when he wanted your attention. Sometimes, you would go to the coffee shop upstairs together. Sometimes, you would listen to him. You found that for hours, you could listen to him, you would listen to him until you couldn't, anymore.

: ̗̀➛ The day you realised you were in love with Ranpo Edogawa was also the day he looked at you, really looked at you. You must have been especially ticking him off — averting your eyes, avoiding his presence, offering to send kind-hearted Atsushi in your place when he asked you to come get confectionaries with him. He had cornered you before closing time, he had come right into your personal space with little warning and opened his eyes to look at you.

"You're acting super weird today — what's—?" And he trailed off, going very, very quiet. As if he had just realised something.

: ̗̀➛ You never got his eyes out of your head. They were special rarities — all the shades of green smashed together. You would catch them staring at you from across the office and feel your heart play a quick-step. You would lay in bed at night, tossing and turning, feeling your skin stretching tight and hot as they continued to watch you inside your dreams.

: ̗̀➛ The first time Ranpo kissed you, you could have sworn it was a fabrication, a construct of your deluded imagination. A formal ball held for the Armed Detective Agency and other affiliate associations committed to the peace of the city. He looked divine in his smartly tailored suit and mused hair he let fall boyishly. He was also right where you thought he'd be — helping himself to the refreshment's table like it was nobody's business.

"You look happy." You had mused after joining his side. He slid his emerald eyes to you — open, always open to see you. It made your pulse hammer at the base of your neck. "Your dress reminds me of the one you showed up to your interview in." He teased you. You gawked. "That's cruel! I got the job, didn't I?" You had sampled some of the cream cake he was making quick work of by himself, popping a little morsel into your mouth. It melted on your tongue, soft and sweet. When you turned to face him, Ranpo was already watching you. Too intently, like the air held an unspoken sentence hanging between you both. "What?" You wondered, wide-eyed. His face and his attractive features and his scent and him, all him, had swayed close to you faster than you had the ability to register. Soft and sweet, just like the cream cake, that was how Ranpo Edogawa tasted when he placed his lips on yours. Quick. Chaste. A whisper of a kiss that ended when he licked the cream from the corner of your mouth. You were burning when he pulled away with a grin, murmuring, "'Spose you did."

: ̗̀➛ Being in a relationship with Ranpo was a strange affair, at first. It did nothing to interrupt the balance of the agents in the ADA, of course, but it did teach you a lot about the short detective at the heart of it all. He was not silly, but childish. He had a short temper, he liked his coffee with six spoonful's of sugar. But you also learned that he was kind, he remembered silly little things about yourself you did not even recall telling him. He left notes echoing to his greatness under your files to cheer you up on bad days. He balled up bits of paper and used your trashcan as a net. He would tell you that even though you were no match for his mind, that you were amazing, in your own way.

: ̗̀➛ You and Ranpo took some time to approach the topic of sex. Your relationship was a unique one that blossomed from a bond between two humans, yet there was no denying the need that burned brighter the more your relationship progressed. He'd catch you biting your lip while looking at him. You'd feel the heat between your legs in the lonely hours of night. There would be instances when you were both alone and the air became heavier, thicker, alighting with sparks that did not quite catch flame. Not yet.

: ̗̀➛ Until that night, when you both returned from a date at a drive-by amusement fare that had set up near the river. It was not planned, it was not spoken of until you had arrived to your door and realised you did not want him to leave. It was harmonious — the right moment, as you pulled him inside by his striped tie and he was more than willing to follow.

: ̗̀➛ Ranpo had paid little interest to intimacy with women until he had met you. He had little experience, but was a fantastically quick learner. His observant eyes flashed every time he touched you and your eyebrows scrunched. When he'd reach down and squeeze your breasts and watch you shake.

: ̗̀➛ Ranpo needed you to praise him. He needed you to tell him where you liked to be touched, if you wanted two of his fingers or three, if he was touching you just right and how he could be better. Only for you, he would ask. He'd kiss and taste your skin and liken it to the sweetest of treats. He'd come up to brush your hair from your eyes and gaze at you. Would never break it as he slid inside, slowly, hesitantly. His lips parting to gasp. Your head knocking back at the feel of him, of finally having him and you as one.

: ̗̀➛ It was messy and uncoordinated; the first night you spent together — but you would never forget it, so long as you continued to draw breath. Especially how he pitched forward when he found rhythm, snapping his hips eagerly, frantically. How he whispered strings of incoherencies into the crook of your neck, how you wrapped your legs around his lean back until they shook with the mounting pleasure of it all. And when you climaxed, you did so together, choking on air and groans and a sentence you were not sure you had heard correctly.

: ̗̀➛ You had asked him again moments later. When you were still catching your breath, connected by bare skin, listening to each other's racing heartbeat.

"What did you say? Into my neck, a few minutes ago?"

: ̗̀➛ Ranpo went quiet at your question, before raising to fix you with an incredibly vulnerable look. It made your heart lurch painfully in your chest, especially when he looked so disarmed, his hair sticking up at every angle and his cheeks still flushed red.

: ̗̀➛ Then, he had smiled. The same smile that stole your heart on that very first day in your office, and said;

"A great detective never reveals his secrets."