#and like... hate to break it to you but Logan and Roman has issues with their temper

[logosbot-tm]

Friendly reminder that:

You can't separate the sides from their roles, from c!Thomas as a person, nor from his state of mind/actions in the series

Their feelings and emotions are, and always has been, linked to Thomas. They always will be linked to Thomas

They're literally different parts of his One Personality. Just represented as people

The entire series is about his thoughts/thought process

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Undergoing Restoration

Prompts:  Hi, I absolutely loved Out of Commission!  You're so amazing at Roman angst, oh my gosh.  If you would like, I would love to see a sequel to this where Logan Patton and Virgil learn to be more gentle with Roman, but no pressure at all, I love what's there already! - anon

hi! so uh i’ve been lurking and reading every last roman angst you’ve written and i figured it’s time i throw out a prompt (it’s cool if you’re not taking any at the moment).

So how about some roman angst with some creativitwins where Remus gets protective and pissed after finding out how shitty the others are towards Roman. I’ve been wanting more of that after reading part 3 of Snap.  - lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: rejection sensitive dysphoria, self-destructive behavior, self-doubt, self-esteem issues

Pairings: dlampr

Word Count: 8019

Nothing lasts forever, not even good things. Especially not good things. Everything comes to an end—and some would argue that’s what makes them so special, what makes you truly appreciate what you have when you have it—and everything begins again. 

Even the bad things. 

Roman sighs, rubbing his cheek against the pillow as he curls up under the blankets. He still hasn’t regained full use of his hands, not even with the help, and so he’s resigned himself to flopping around a bit just to get his head on properly before he eventually falls asleep. 

This isn’t a good night. Frankly, it never is, not when his hands keep aching and his body keeps doing its best to persuade him that he deserves to be shot for what happened earlier. Which is stupid, it’s stupid and awful and horrifying and he hates it, hates it, but he’s incapable of holding something precious in his hands and not breaking it open to see what makes it so special. 

…alright, seems he has to eliminate licorice root tea entirely if it’s going to make him this dramatic. 

Except if Thomas ever does theater again. Then he’s gonna slam a mug of that right before the performance and call it a day. 

He grumbles, turning for what feels like the eightieth time that night and settling onto the cool side of the pillow. 

What really isn’t helping is that he can’t figure out why Janus was being nice to him earlier. Remus is—Remus is his brother and he loves him, loves him so much it hurts because how could Remus love him back—except he does because despite everything Remus is good and Roman, Roman just isn’t, not like that—but Remus helps him because he loves him. 

How could someone like Janus ever love him? After all he’s done to him, because of him, how could he ever hope for anything more than begrudging tolerance?

But no, Janus was kind to him earlier. Offered him a place to sit on the couch, somewhere to stay while the world moved too fast around him, and then he—he—he held out his hands and asked for Roman’s and he helped. 

Roman tugs his arm up to look at his left hand. It flops back and forth, still getting used to the feeling of being used once more. If he concentrates, he thinks he can still feel the rough texture of Janus’s gloves against the worn and weathered skin, brushing down his palm, his fingers, everything. He can still remember how gentle Janus was, how achingly tender, and how soft and sweet he’d been at the table too, asking for the other one and caring for it silently, hidden beneath the surface where no one else could see. 

But…but why?

Does Janus want something from him again? Did he mess up too much and now he needs to be controlled? Do they need to—to condition him to get help as long as he behaves?

A spark of rage flares in his chest, sputters, and dies under the oppressive weight of the cold pit yawning once more, spreading and spreading until his hands flop lifelessly against the covers. He muffles a whine and buries his face in the familiar smell of the fabric. 

It’s cold. 

God, he wants to sink into the mattress and never have to move again. Wants to let the cold swallow him whole and just make him stay, make him not go out because he gets hurt out there, he doesn’t want to be hurt anymore. 

Especially because he knows, he knows if he ever dared breathe a word of this to someone who isn’t Remus, they’d laugh at him or scoff and say that he should be so dramatic. 

The spark crackles defiantly, straining against the cold. Do they think he chooses to be like this? That one day he woke up and decided that yes, he wants it to be so he can’t even tolerate vague feelings of rejection or disappointment without feeling like his body wants to tear him in two? That he wants it to feel as though everyone has to walk on eggshells around him because he’s so breakable, so fragile, and he can do whatever he likes because they aren’t? Do they think he’s so weak-willed and stupid that he thinks he can get away with insulting and belittling others only to cry like a baby when they so much as defend themselves?

Is that what they think?

That he’s doing this on purpose?

Don’t they understand that he hates it? He hates feeling so fragile, so breakable, so fucking stupid that he can’t so much as breathe wrong without feeling like he’s going to hurt and lose the ability to use his hands. Don’t they understand that he’s not telling them because he’s trying to make it easier? They shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around him, they shouldn’t have to be so careful about what they say in the vague promise that they’re going to hurt him, he doesn’t want them to know so they won’t look at him like that. 

Like he’s breakable. Like he’s fragile. Like he’s made of finely spun glass, shattered at the slightest brush of someone else. 

Roman squeezes his eyes shut and another whine muffles itself in his throat. 

An idea springs to the front. A horrible, stupid idea that will not only not help him in the slightest, but will run the risk of Remus finding out how bad he is and coming right over to help, not let him wallow in how miserable he’s becoming. 

Yes, that’s probably a good idea, and yes, that’s what he’s supposed to do, but the lure of quick and easy hurt is too much. 

So, with useless hands and trembling legs, Roman gets out of bed and stumbles to the Imagination door, pushing it open and staggering onto an empty stage. 

The theater is silent. The seats are empty. The lights blare down with unyielding exposure. 

He stands, ready to be flayed. 

“I am incapable,” he mumbles, the words to the old poem rolling off his tongue, “of holding something in my hands and not imagining how it would break. 

I toy with paperclips until they snap, 

I bend the metal until it gives under my broken fingers

And I toss away the remains,

Reaching for the next one.

Sometimes I keep a broken piece, twist it around and around the part of my thumb

Because that is all I know how to do.”

Roman looks down at his useless hand and watches it shake. 

“To carve bits of myself and see what remains.”

Is that not what it is to create? To break yourself into smaller and smaller pieces and scatter them like seeds?

“It becomes a game

To see how long I can hold something and resist the urge to break it

I don’t want to break things but

I am good at it.”

He swallows, a lump forming in his throat as he looks up into the lights. 

“But when you have a hammer every problem looks like a nail,” he croaks, 

“I have been hammered into round holes as a square peg

Enough times to know. You do not

Fix

Something like me,

I am not meant to be flexible.”

And isn’t that just the worst irony? That Creativity cannot bend and shape itself to whatever needs suit it?

Roman swallows again, the lump building and building in his throat, until he has to spit out the next words. 

“I would make a terrible mother.”

The theater is silent. 

“Do you know how easy it is

To fuck up a child?

How easy it is to mold them, twist them, break them,

So much can be done by doing so little

Or nothing at all. 

Do not give me your children,

I will only ruin them. 

That is all I know how to do to things when I hold them for too long, I break them.

Children should not be broken and

Remade and

Broken again.

Do not give me your children, 

I don’t know how to not break myself.”

Broken hands, broken ideas, broken prince. 

“Your daughter will look at you one day,” he warbles, clutching his chest, “and ask

Am I pretty?

And you will want to grab her and shake her and say

Of course you are,

You always will be,

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, 

But you will also want to say

No

To relieve her of the awful burden of being pretty

But it will come out of your mouth wrong.

Pretty is not the rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman.”

Roman takes a shuddering breath, his arms aching and chest heaving as he faces the relentless silence. 

“How could I justify

Bringing a child into the world

If not because I love them and want to see

A human grow

A person become

A someone?

I do not want a baby

A child 

A teenage

An adult

And to be a parent needs to want

A baby

A child

An adult

And to want each moment and stage

And to love a teenager

Even when the can’t love anything but the notion of

breaking.”

Roman looks down at his hands and turns them over, legs shaking from the effort of holding himself up. 

“Do not give me your children, 

I can’t hold something without breaking it.”

And oh, what a delicious irony that is. It goes down like spoiled milk. 

“People expect you to say sorry when you break things,” because that’s all he ever does, 

“And so I do,” and so he does,

“Sorry, I didn’t realize

Sorry, I didn’t mean to

Sorry, it was an accident

Sorry, it was just so easy.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, 

I spend my life in a state of repentance

For crimes that fall from my hands

As easily as memories fall from time.

Do not give me,

I don’t know how to have.

I only know how to say

Sorry

Once something is broken.”

And now, given the stage, given the light, given the words, the spark of rage flares up so strongly it burns through him and he whips his head up, staring accusingly at the empty seats. His tongue loosens and the next words fly from his lips like arrows. 

“But why should I apologize

When no one has apologized for making me this way?

When I have a hammer

Everything looks like a nail

When I am nail

The world is my hammer and I can only say

Sorry, sorry, sorry

As I am forced to break whatever falls on the

Wrong side of my sharp edges.

Do not give,

I don’t know,

I don’t know who broke me first

Was I made broken?

Was it a set of parents who didn’t know I was broken?

Was it a selfishness that always wanted 

But never got

And so worried itself to the point of breaking?

Was it her?”

His voice catches. No, no, he’s not supposed to blame anyone else, it’s not their fault, it’s his, he’s gone too far, he needs to stop, he—he—

“Her,” his lips say anyways, “who still breaks me even though I haven’t seen her?

Her, whose fingertips still bruise me in my sleep?

Her, who stripped every bit of flesh from my bones and

Refused to give it back?

Perhaps I am broken over her. 

Perhaps I am broken because of her. 

Perhaps she is just my ex-excuse.”

He swallows. 

“…to break.

Do not give me your children,

For I am just a broken child.”

The lights are warm. He’s sweating, panting, staggering under the weight of invisible gazes, even as he scans them frantically knowing he won’t find anyone. 

“I was not taught to love myself,” an accusation, 

“I was taught to love how useful I was

How smart

How clever

How compassionate

How compliant

How good.

I was taught to hate 

My looks

My voice

My body

My self

I was not taught to love

I was taught to

Break.

It is so painfully easy to fuck up a child.”

The theater heaves, shuddering under the force of Roman’s breathing, Roman’s pain, Roman’s existence. He’s going to break this too if he doesn’t stop. 

“It was a mistake to write this,” to say this,

“A mistake I can’t stop.

I can’t stop it.

I can’t stop it,

It won’t stop coming. 

I can’t stop it,” he gasps, grasping at his chest, scrabbling uselessly, “I can’t shut up, and before long it will hurt, it keeps hurting, it never stops hurting, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, sorry, you need to stop, you need to go, I can’t stop but you can stop reading, you have to stop, you need to go, I’m sorry but you need to stop before I—

Break

You.”

The sorry leaves his lips like a whisper. 

“Do not give,” comes torn from limp lips, 

“I can’t have.”

The shaking figure on the stage looks up and out at you. 

“are you still here?

did you stay?

why did you stay?

I told you to stop. 

I told you it was a mistake.

Just a mistake. 

sorry. 

Do not,

I can’t.

The poets lied, by the way,

(If you’re still here,)

When they said there was beauty in broken things.

There isn’t anything beautiful 

about this broken mess

And I don’t fancy having you cut your hands

And bleed trying to find it.

Beauty is not the rent I pay to break in this world. 

This isn’t perfect,

Isn’t good,

Isn’t anything other than a mess

Mess is bold,

Yes, sometimes,

But mess is mess

A mess of ruined and broken things

Sorry, I think I broke it

…do you think anyone would ever apologize for breaking me?

Broken, breaking, to break

To break again, to break apart,

To break, to have broken,

Breaking,

broke.

It hurts, it does

To break.

If you care about something,

Don’t let me hold it

If you love something,

Don’t let me touch it

If you think something is pretty,

Don’t let me break it.

And if by some magic,

You found something beautiful 

In my broken mess,

Well,

You’re

    a

            Better

    poet

            Than

I could ever be.

A broken puppet collapses onto an empty stage, its strings cut from useless hands. 

————

Virgil is worried. 

Not just because he’s Anxiety, fuck off, but because he hasn’t seen Janus or Remus around in a while and the last time he heard from Remus, he was muttering something about fourth walls and keeping everyone safe and that’s never a good thing to hear from Remus. 

It’s not a good thing to hear in general, but if Remus is worried about something, best be damned sure Virgil’s going to worry about it too. 

Anyway, the point is he hasn’t seen the two troublemakers in a while and that means they’re either planning something or something horrible has happened and they’re avoiding the fallout. 

He keeps trying to think about what happened to start the whole thing, when they started to pull away, when things first, like, became obvious. 

Luckily, Logan—who for some reason is on much better speaking terms with Remus than pretty much everyone—said that there’s no reason to worry about the Imagination. Apparently, there was just a strong burst of energy one night that pushed the boundaries a little bit, easily contained and dealt with and it’s nothing to be concerned about. 

Which is great, and Virgil likes very much that Logan has this information and he’s certain about it, but that doesn’t answer the question of where Janus and Remus are and why they’ve been so distant lately.

Now, the next person Virgil would normally ask about this stuff is Roman, but Roman’s been busy trying to work on all the ideas lately and Virgil really doesn’t want to distract him. They’re running a bit behind schedule anyway and if he gives Princey an opportunity to not do his work, he’s sure Patton and Logan will find out and do the whole ‘not mad, just disappointed’ routine. 

Fuck, he hates those.

So. Trying to find Remus and Janus on his own it is. 

He can tell by the growing sound of the chainsaw that Remus is in his room, which makes things much easier for him, and quickly conjures a pair of waterproof boots, a waterproof coat, and a pair of safety goggles. 

He’s learned not to walk into Remus’s room unprepared. 

Sure enough, a spurt of a liquid flies at him as soon as he opens the door, dodging it at the last second and wincing as it splatters all over the wall. He turns to see Remus elbow-deep in…something, holding the chainsaw and glancing up to see what the interruption is. 

“Emo!” 

“Hey, Remus.” Virgil stuffs his hands in his pockets. “What, uh, whatcha got there?”

Remus grins, reaching down and holding up a…drink? “A smoothie!”

“That’s not—y’know what? That’s on me.” He shakes his head and steps a bit closer. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Sure, sure, you want me to put this away?”

“…you mind?”

“Nah. Gotta wash up soon for dinner anyway.” Remus presses a button on the wall and the wall spins, taking the…let’s call it a carcass, taking the carcass away and leaving him to snap his fingers and clean up the rest of the tools. “What do you want?”

“Just, uh…haven’t seen you in a while.”

This is the Dark Side, he has to be extra careful not to summon Janus. 

“Mm, yes, I suppose that’s true,” Remus hums, walking to a large sink and beginning to scrub at his hands, “been busy.”

“Oh?” Pushing his luck, he edges closer. “What, uh, what’re you working on?”

“Oh, y’know, this and that. Kraken’s laying a new brood in the Imagination, got a bear trap to work on, all the stuff from Halloween is still trickling in so I gotta catalog that and rework some of my other shit…y’know, things.”

“Wow. Didn’t realize you had so many projects.”

Remus cackles. “Doesn’t run itself, you know!”

“Wish Roman could have some of your productivity.”

The instant it leaves his mouth Virgil knows he’s said something wrong. 

Remus pauses, glances up at him in the mirror, and slowly turns off the water. He looks over his shoulder, staring at him until Virgil starts to fidget, then looks away. 

“What does that mean?”

“Just, uh,” Virgil stammers, “y’know…I’ve never seen Roman work on so many projects at the same time, he, uh, he normally just does one at a time, so—I dunno, I thought it’d be cool if he could…y’know…”

Remus stays quiet, turning to face him and crossing his arms. He raises an eyebrow like he knows Virgil’s not doing a good job of explaining himself. 

“…y’know,” he tries, “have multiple things on the go at once? He’s been working on the same idea, for like, a month.”

“Is this the one you keep asking him to redo?”

“…yeah, think so.”

“And what makes this the only project you think he’s working on?”

Virgil frowns. “Why would he work on other things if this one’s not done yet?”

Remus suddenly glares at him like he’s being a hypocrite. The force of it makes him step back, shoulders hunching defensively. 

“What?”

“You’re right,” Remus says cooly, turning around and beginning to wash his hands again, “you shouldn’t bother Roman until he’s done with this idea for you guys. Wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“I shouldn’t—wait, who said I was going to go bother Roman?”

Remus shoots him a look over his shoulder. “You came to ask me about him, didn’t you?”

“N—“ Dark Side, Janus, don’t lie— “look, I just haven’t seen him in a while, okay?”

Remus hums. “Yeah. ‘Cause he’s working so hard on that idea for you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You see Janny?”

“…no.”

“Then that’s that.” 

The sink gets louder and Virgil knows he’s being dismissed and gets the heck out of dodge.

That was…weird. Why was Remus so mad? And what’s he doing with Roman? And what does any of this have to do with him?

Virgil leaves with more questions and no answers. 

————

Patton knows something’s up and it’s upsetting his kiddos. Logan’s been more withdrawn, Virgil won’t stop muttering, and he’d struggled to see hair or hide of Roman on most days. 

Strangely enough, it’s Janus he sees the most of, not that he doesn’t like spending time with him but even the most mundane of conversations aren’t expected from him. 

“Hey, Janus?”

“Hm?” He looks up from his book. “Yes?”

“Is…everything okay?”

Janus tilts his head and closes the book, marking his page deftly with a bookmark. “Is there a reason why it shouldn’t be?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I haven’t seen everyone around lately, that’s all.” He nods at him. “It’s mostly been you.”

Janus raises an eyebrow and holds a hand to his chest. “Well, if you were sick of my company—“

“No, no, that’s not what I mean at all!” Only when he notices Janus’s snicker does he realize he’s been had. “Oh, you slippery snake, you fooled me!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he laughs, hiding a smile, “it was right there.”

Patton huffs, hiding a smile of his own, and shaking his head. “I don’t know, Janus, I just—I feel like everyone’s kind of…hiding? Did something happen?”

Janus hums. “When did you first start noticing it?”

“After that dinner, the last one we all had together, I think. It was right after that. Do you think something happened during the dinner?”

“Is there anything you can think of that fits that description?”

“Well, we didn’t make all the food we normally do ‘cause we’re running a little low in the kitchen, there was that brief little argument between Remus and Virgil, but they do that all the time, don’t they?”

“Mm.”

“And…that’s it. I don’t think anything happened.”

“So then perhaps it wasn’t the dinner.”

“But that’s when it started.” Patton closes his eyes, thinking. “Yeah, that has to be when it started because the next day Roman and Remus didn’t come to dinner and then you didn’t come either.”

Janus reclines in the chair, hand under his chin. “Did you ask Roman or Remus why they didn’t come?”

“No, but Logan said he did. He said that they were…working on something, I think.” Patton shakes his head. “Gosh, with the amount of time they say they’re spending on things, you’d think we’d see more of it, wouldn’t you?”

He doesn’t notice the way Janus’s hand curls into a fist. 

“What do you mean by that?”

“Huh?”

“When you say you expect more,” Janus says, and he does notice the way Janus’s tone is a little sharper, “what exactly do you mean?”

Patton frowns. “Well…you know, maybe, like, a few more ideas? I mean, at the last meeting, the most workable idea we had was the Q&A and that’s not even that original, at least until we agreed that he’d try and come up with something along the lines of a debate instead—“

“Did you have any ideas?”

“Huh?”

“During the meeting, did you have any ideas?”

“Oh, that’s not my job.” Patton leans back against the couch. “That’s Roman’s job. He’s Creativity.”

“So you don’t come up with the ideas?”

Patton frowns. “N-no, I don’t—Janus, what’s going on?”

“You are not Creativity,” Janus says evenly, sitting up a little more, “it isn’t your job to come up with the ideas. So why would you know what that’s like?”

“…what what’s like?”

“Being the one who has to submit the ideas at the meetings.”

“I—I mean, I guess not, but what—Janus—“

“Then perhaps,” he says, standing up and taking his book with a swirl of fabric, “you should think about that a little bit more before you start asking for more.”

“Asking for—Janus, wait!”

He pauses, looking over his shoulder as Patton swallows. 

“Are…are you mad at me?”

Janus just looks at him. “Why would I be mad at you?”

And then he’s gone. 

…well, that wasn’t a no, and if the rest of this conversation has been any indication, that’s as good as a yes. 

Great. Now Patton’s got to figure out why Janus is mad at him. 

Okay. Did he do anything to Janus? No, he doesn’t think so—they’ve been on really good terms lately, they’ve been cooking together, they spend time just reading in the same room, they’ve even watched one of the movies alone when everyone else canceled. 

Did he…say something wrong? 

Patton furrows his brow. 

They—they’d been talking about everyone else. Maybe he said something then. But Janus seemed to be fine with everything until he brought up—

—until he brought up Roman. 

But why would Janus be mad at him about that?

Maybe Roman’s still holding a grudge against Janus? But they’d been doing okay—at least Patton thought they’d been doing okay—so why would bringing up Roman make Janus mad?

Maybe…maybe it’s not just Roman? He’d brought up the fact that they were running a little behind schedule and then he’d gotten upset, is that what it is?

No, that doesn’t seem right either. 

No, he’d only gotten upset once Patton had said—

Patton’s eyes widen. 

…once he said how he’d wanted more from Roman. 

How he’d been disappointed, how he’d blamed—well, not outright blamed, but heavily implied—the delays on Roman, and how he wanted Roman to do more. Ever since the meeting, they’d been—

Oh. 

The meeting. 

Just as Patton realizes why everyone’s been so distant, Virgil appears, tugging on the strings to his hoodie and looking at him with a somber expression. 

“Patton, I think we messed up.”

————

If there is one thing Logan truly cannot abide, it is an unanswered question to an unsolved problem. 

The question currently occupying the majority of his attention is why Roman has been so hard to get a hold of. 

He has not missed any of the planned meetings, no, and he has not failed to submit a draft of an idea once—granted, they have not all been spectacular or even marked improvements, but they have been submitted—but other than that, it has been exceedingly difficult to speak with him. 

The few times he’s tried to knock on his door, it’s either been to a sign that says that Roman is working and is not to be disturbed—which he respects entirely—or that he’s not in at the moment. He’s caught sight of him with Remus—or Janus, surprisingly enough—but the two of them have always been in transit to the Imagination or entering Remus’s room. 

He has barely made any appearances at dinner, which are always understated or vague when he does, and it’s been…quiet. 

Logan doesn’t mind the quiet, but he does mind when it comes at the expense of Roman. 

With this in mind, after another meeting, he retreats to his room to gather his thoughts and set aside all of his notebooks and paper and decides to go and speak to Roman. He’s agreed to come to dinner tonight—a relief, truly, he hasn’t seen evidence of Roman eating enough lately—and perhaps he can speak to him beforehand. 

At the very least to reassure himself that everything is okay. 

He goes to Roman’s room, prepared to knock, when he sees the door is slightly ajar. HE frowns, walking closer, knocking anyway and waiting for a response. 

None comes. 

“Roman?” When there’s still no voice, he eases it open gingerly, only to see an empty room. “Roman?”

Still nothing, and he closes the door carefully, turning and going to see if he’s perhaps in the Dark Side’s living room. He’d sunk out with Remus, after all, it wasn’t out of the question that the two of them were there. 

He walks into the living room, intent on calling out for one of the twins, only to stop abruptly when he sees Roman sitting on the couch. 

“Ah, Roman. There you are.”

Roman doesn’t respond, doesn’t look up, does not so much as move. Logan frowns, opening his mouth to chastise him for it, only to pause. 

Roman isn’t moving. Not just in reaction to Logan’s arrival, but…not at all. His hands lie limply in his lap, his head is bowed so he’s staring at a spot on the floor, and he scarcely looks as if he’s breathing. 

“…Roman?” Logan leans to see if he can see Roman’s eyes flicker at all. They don’t. “Roman, are you okay?”

Nothing. Of course there isn’t anything. It follows that if Roman didn’t react to him before, he couldn’t react now. With this in mind, Logan steps forward to see if he can provide any additional assistance—

—and startles quite terribly when Virgil appears next to him. 

“Virgil!”

“Uh, hey.”

“Don’t do that,” he sighs, adjusting his glasses, “you startled me.”

“Didn’t mean to.” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “Someone summoned me.”

“Well, I certainly didn’t.”

“No, I mean—someone got scared and I got summoned.” 

Logan frowns. “Someone got scared?”

“Yeah, do you know what—“ Virgil’s head finally turns and he notices Roman. He freezes. Then his shoulders slowly relax. “…oh.”

“‘Oh?’ What does ‘oh’ mean?”

“Roman’s scared, L,” Virgil says, suddenly speaking softly, “that’s why I got summoned.”

“Yes, I gathered, does that mean you know what’s wrong with him?”

Virgil winces. “Not in so many words. Hey, hey, don’t,” he says, quickly holding out a hand when Logan moves to get closer, “you’re gonna scare him more.”

“Does he think I’m going to hurt him?” 

“I don’t know, L, I—just don’t get closer right now.”

“Virgil, he’s almost catatonic, I don’t—“

“Yeah, he’s also right there and can hear us so just…shh for a moment, okay?”

Logan hasn’t taken his eyes off of Roman. “But he’s hurting,” he says weakly. 

“I know.”

“…what do we do?”

Virgil sighs. “We call Remus, I think.”

“Remus?”

“Yeah. I’m just gonna summon him.”

Before Logan can say anything, Virgil does indeed reach out and summon Remus, who promptly looks around at the situation and levels a glare at them so powerful it makes them take a step back. 

“Don’t look at me,” Virgil defends, hands raising, “I got summoned when Roman got scared and I’ve just been standing here.”

Remus’s glare turns to Logan who finds himself wanting to raise his hands too. “I simply wanted to find Roman after the meeting, I came in here and I found him like this. I was only here a moment longer than Virgil.”

Remus glances around, likely waiting for Janus to stride from the shadows, and when no one else appears, gives them one last look that warns them to stay back before crouching down in front of Roman. 

“Hey, Roro,” he murmurs in a voice so achingly tender it makes Logan’s chest lurch, “you here with me?”

Logan can’t see what’s happening but Roman must give some indication because Remus’s shoulders relax a fraction. 

“Okay. That’s good, Roro. Can we do the blinks if I ask you things? One for yes, two for no, three for don’t know?”

Roman must blink. 

“Good, good job, Roro. Can you show me a no? Okay, what about an I don’t know? Okay, thank you. That’s good, Roro, you’re doing real good.”

Virgil shuffles closer to Logan as if to make themselves a smaller point of focus in the room. Logan turns a bit toward him, eyes still fixed on the twins. 

“Are you in pain?” A pause. “Okay, is it worse than last time?”

Roman’s in pain? How long has he been hurting? What was ‘last time?’

“Okay. Can you breathe okay?”

Logan has to restrain himself from stepping forward, seized by the idea that Roman’s unable to breathe. 

“You can? Okay, that’s good, Roro.” 

“What the fuck,” Virgil whispers beside him, and Logan finds himself echoing that sentiment. 

“Did something happen during the meeting?”

Another pause, and then Janus appears, taking one look around before his eyes fix on Logan and Virgil. They both raise their hands, ready to defend themselves, when Remus flaps a hand at Janus. Janus makes to step forward but Virgil holds a hand out. 

“He’s really scared, J, don’t—don’t get closer.”

“Can I come over for just a second, sweetie?” Even Janus’s voice is remarkably soft. “Just to hug you?”

Remus watches Roman carefully. “Yeah, Janny, but make it quick.”

“Thank you, sweetie.”

Sure enough, Janus walks over and carefully wraps an arm around Roman’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before pulling away. He walks over to Virgil and Logan and fixes them with a stern look, before turning and putting himself between them and the brothers. 

It stings a little. 

“Do you want them to leave?” A pause, then Remus tilts his head. “Was that a ‘yes, but no?’ Okay, do you want some of them to leave? Okay. Do you want Janus to leave?”

A pause. 

“Okay. Do you want Virgil to leave?”

Another pause, then Remus glances up and jerks his head. Virgil tips a two-fingered salute. “See you.”

“He’s gone, Roro,” Remus murmurs as Virgil sinks out, “what about Logan? Do you want Logan to leave?”

A longer pause, Logan’s chest growing heavier, before Remus breathes out slowly and nods.

“Okay, Logan will stay.”

Roman asked for me to stay. He wants me to stay. Logan lets out a breath he wasn’t sure he was holding. 

“Do you want them to come closer? Yeah? Okay.” Remus glances up and beckons them over, Janus leading the way as Logan crouches on the floor near Remus. 

Oh. Oh, Roman’s crying. Oh, dear. 

“Is this alright,” he asks, voice a tad hoarser than he expected, “can I stay here?”

Roman blinks once. Once is a yes. 

“Thank you.”

“Do you need to crash, sweetie,” Janus asks gently, “would that help?”

He blinks again and Remus nods. 

“Do you want help lying down? Or to go somewhere more comfortable?”

“One question at a time, Snakey.”

“Right, my apologies. Would you like to go somewhere else?”

“That’s a ‘no.’”

“Would you like to lie down?”

“That’s a yes. Easy does it, hey, hey, Roro, shh, it’s okay…”

Logan feels like an intruder here, watching an intimate moment that isn’t for him as Remus and Janus carefully lie Roman down on his back, his head pillowed in Janus’s lap, arms and legs positioned so they won’t fall asleep as Janus runs a hand through his hair. 

“Hi, sweetie,” he murmurs, “this okay?”

Roman blinks. 

“Good. Do you want to close your eyes and rest for a bit while we talk with Logan?” He smiles, still stroking Roman’s hair. “Yeah? Alright, sweetie, you go on ahead. We’re right here.”

Logan watches them for a moment longer, still taken aback at the intimacy, before Remus elbows him and he turns, facing the glare once more. 

“What did you come here for?”

“I wanted to speak with Roman.”

“What for?”

“I—I wanted to see if he was alright,” he says lamely, the words sounding weak even to his own ears, “he’s…I haven’t had the chance to speak to him as much lately.”

“So?”

Janus hisses lightly in warning as Logan opens his mouth. “I…I missed him.”

“You missed him.” Remus stares at him. “You tear down every idea he submits, demand he does more work, and you miss him?”

Logan splutters, indignantly drawing himself up, when Janus murmurs Remus’s name softly and Remus quiets, reaching out and carefully taking one of Roman’s limp hands in his. He starts to massage it carefully, almost like he’s trying to encourage life back into it. 

“…Remus,” Logan starts warily, “what’s…what’s going on with Roman?”

“He’s crashed.”

“’Crashed?’”

“Overwhelmed. Unable to function. In need of a reset.” Remus glares. “Crashed.”

“From what?”

“You.”

“M-me?” Logan looks up at Janus who stares back at him. “I did this?”

“Not just you, but yes. You did this.”

“What—how—I didn’t—“ Logan looks back at Roman’s limp form— “h-how did I do this?”

“Are you familiar with RSD?”

“…Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy?”

“Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”

Logan frowns. “I believe I’ve heard the term before, but…I cannot say I am familiar with the diagnosis.”

“The gist of it is that people who have it process social rejection or other emotional pains in the same part of the brain as physical pain.” Janus raises an eyebrow. “In other words, being disappointing or being rejected physically hurts them.”

Oh. 

Oh. 

Oh, no. 

“And Roman’s the Ego,” Remus adds, “which means that if he’s starved of affection or positive reinforcement, he’s weaker and they get worse the more they happen.”

They…they did do this to Roman. He did this to Roman. 

“Does this happen after every meeting?”

“It’s not always this bad,” Remus says, “but yes. Something happens in almost every meeting because you bastards are not nice.”

“Remus,” Janus says, even though the chide sounds halfhearted, “that’s not helpful.”

“It’s true.”

When Janus doesn’t deny it, Logan looks back at Roman. Roman, who looks so small and limp and scared in Janus’s lap, his eyes still closed, his cheeks still damp. 

“…I never meant to hurt him,” he mumbles, “I…I didn’t know.”

“Well, you did. Whether or not you knew doesn’t matter. You hurt him. You really hurt him.”

Logan can’t stop staring at Roman. “Is…is he going to be alright?”

“Not anytime soon, not from this, but yeah. He’s gonna be okay.”

Logan sags in relief but Remus glares at him again. 

“And if you think we’re anywhere near ready to let you guys close to him again, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“C-can I stay,” Logan asks quickly, “please? I want…I want to help.”

Another long lull, during which both Janus and Remus stare at him, then at each other, before Remus takes a deep breath. 

“You can stay if you’re willing to listen.”

“Yes,” Logan says in a rush, “anything.”

————

Patton can’t find anyone. 

He’s checked the living room, checked the Imagination, checked their rooms, checked the living room again to make sure none of them wandered in while he was looking, and he still can’t find them. 

He’s getting nervous enough to just summon one of them when Virgil walks into the room and he all but flies at him. 

“Virgil! There you are, I can’t find anyone, do you know what’s—“

“Slow down, Pop Star,” Virgil says, his voice low, “come sit.”

“What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

Virgil sighs, waiting for Patton to sit down, before he scrubs a hand over his face and looks up at him. “Roman’s not alright.”

Roman? No, Roman was fine a few minutes ago, he was in the meeting, he was talking, he was— “What happened to Roman?”

“I don’t know, Pat, but it’s…whatever it is, it’s not good and it’s been happening for a while.”

“Can we go to him?”

Virgil shakes his head. “The others are with him now. They know how to help him. Well, no. Janus and Remus know how to help him. I…I don’t know about Logan. I left before I could find out.”

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” Virgil leans against the back of the couch, a frown on his face. “I don’t—look. I got summoned when someone got scared. Princey was…he’s not okay, I don’t know how else to describe it.”

“Was he injured?”

“He’s in pain, apparently—“

“What do you mean, apparently?”

“Look, I’m just telling you what I know, okay? I got there, he was sitting on the couch and not moving and terrified, so neither me nor Logan were willing to get closer so I summoned Remus and he took it from there.” Virgil sighs again. “I don’t know what’s going on with him, Patton, but it’s—Remus made it pretty clear that it’s because of the meetings.”

Patton’s heart races. Roman’s hurt, Roman’s upset, Roman’s scared, and it’s…it’s their fault? “Can…can we help?”

“Not right now. I think Remus was about to bite my head off if I didn’t leave when Roman said he didn’t want me there.”

“Roman said he didn’t want you?”

“There were a lot of us, Pat, and I think we all surprised him when he was really vulnerable. Remus—Remus, it makes sense. He’s Princey’s brother, he’s—he probably knows exactly what this is and how to help Roman. Janus also seemed to know what was going on and I only got summoned ‘cause Logan accidentally spooked him.”

Patton bites his lip, hands twisted together in his lap as Virgil shakes his head. “Virgil, what do we do?”

“Right now?” Virgil lets his head flop miserably onto the back of the couch. “Wait.”

And so they do. They sit on the couch and they don’t say much and they watch the rest of the room for any sign of the others. 

How did he not notice Roman was getting hurt? How did he hurt Roman without realizing it? And how long has it been since Roman felt like he could tell Patton if he was hurting?

Patton’s not sure he wants the answer to any of these. 

Of course, when Remus shows up looking like he’s ready to eviscerate them, he knows he’s going to get them whether he likes it or not. 

————

There’s a hand in his hair. 

Roman comes back to his body slowly, finally breaking free of the cold pit taking his chest hostage, only to realize there’s a hand carding gently through his hair, nails scratching delicately at his scalp. 

It feels nice. 

…something’s wrong. 

He opens his eyes, half expecting to see Remus there, but not expecting to see Logan. 

And then Logan smiles down at him, hand still gentle and sure on his head, curving down to stroke across his cheek and Roman is so confused. 

“Hush, little one,” Logan says in a tender voice, “it’s alright. Don’t try and move too quickly, your muscles are going to be stiff.”

What is Logan doing here? He remembers Logan showing up but why—where’s Remus? Where’s Janus? What’s happening?

“Easy, sweetie—“ oh, there’s Janus— “it’s okay. I’m still here, I just needed to move for a moment. Shh, shh, none of that now, do you want to sit up?”

Roman nods, a little surprised by how delighted they both look when he does—maybe he’s crushing them?—only for Logan to reach down and still him when he starts struggling to move. 

“Hold on to me,” he instructs softly, “if you get too dizzy, lean on me and we can lie you back down. We’ll go slow, alright, darling?”

Roman shudders at the pet name, spoken with such sincerity that it threatens tears at the corners of his eyes, even as Logan’s arms wind around him. 

“Are you ready, Roman?” Roman nods, trying to reach for Logan too but he can’t. His arms aren’t working. “It’s alright, take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Logan’s…holding him. Logan’s holding him. He’s holding him against his chest, cradled in his arms, leaning over him with his breath puffing slightly over his forehead, looking at him like he’s something precious. 

“Ready?” He asks as Roman finally manages to twist his fingers into the fabric of Logan’s shirt. “One…two…three.”

Logan lifts him up like he weighs nothing, moving slowly enough for Roman to get used to the feeling of being upright, until he’s propped up halfway across Logan’s lap, head resting against Logan’s shoulder and the crook of his arms, right next to his face. After another moment, he ends up leaning against the back of the couch, cheek pressed to the back, as Logan turns enough so he can see his face without straining. 

“There you are,” he says, still speaking in the soft voice that Roman never wants to stop hearing, “hello, Roman.”

“…wh—“ Roman swallows. “Where’s Remus?”

“Currently talking to Virgil and Patton,” Janus says, taking a seat behind Logan where Roman can see him, “but will be back soon, I’m sure.”

Roman looks from Janus to Logan and back. “What’s…what’s going on?”

“What do you remember?” 

“I…I sunk out after the meeting. I got here. I sat on the couch.” He frowns. “You…you showed up. Then Virgil. Then—then Remus—and then Janus and I—I—“

“Shh, shh, shh,” Logan murmurs, reaching out and ruffling his hair again, “easy, darling. You’re going to work yourself up again.”

“I think you’re doing a fine job of that,” Janus teases lightly, watching Roman’s cheeks flush as Logan showers him in the gentle attention, “he’s blushing.”

“He does that a lot, Janus.”

“Mm, surely those two things aren’t related at all. Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry,” Janus says quickly as Roman’s face contorts, “I’m being mean, aren’t I? I’ll stop, I won’t tease, I’m sorry.”

“What’s going on,” Roman tries again, failing to keep the whine out of his voice, “why’re you being nice, what’s happening, I—what did I do?”

Logan takes a deep breath, hand still carding through his hair. “You’ve been hurting, Roman, from the actions of myself and the others. I wanted to come and find you after the meeting and talk to you, but…I found you almost catatonic instead.”

“I’m s—“

“Shh, none of that, little one.” Logan tugs his hair gently. “It’s not your fault. Janus and Remus explained everything.”

“E-everything everything?”

“Well, I don’t know. Only about RSD and how much you’ve…well, how badly we’ve taken care of you.” Logan smiles and lightly squeezes his shoulder. “I am…currently attempting to amend that.”

“…and the others?”

“I’m sure will want to do the same.”

“But that doesn’t have to be now,” Janus says quickly, as if noticing how overwhelmed Roman’s getting, “that can be…whenever you like. If you want to go back to sleep, you can. It’s up to you.”

Roman stares at Logan. He…he does want to sleep, and lying down in a bed sounds really, really good…but the thought of losing this, losing the softness and the care he’s being shown right now…

It hurts as badly as his hands. 

As if he can read Roman’s thoughts, Logan’s expression softens and he leans closer. “Cuddles, darling?”

A whine leaves his mouth and Logan chuckles. 

“May I carry you?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll come with,” Janus says as he belatedly realizes he doesn’t want Janus to leave either and reaches out for him, “don’t you worry.”

“Close your eyes if you like,” Logan bids gently as he lifts him up again, “we’ll get there in a moment.”

As Roman lets his eyes close and he’s laid down on a bed, his bed, Logan’s warmth wrapping around him, he thinks that perhaps this good thing doesn’t have to end for a while longer. 

General Taglist: @frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness  @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes  @iminyourfandom  @bullet-tothefeels  @full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83  @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious  @firefinch-ember  @fandomssaremysoul  @im-an-anxious-wreck  @crazy-multifandomfangirl  @punk-academian-witch  @enby-ralsei  @unicornssunflowersandstuff  @wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite  @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme  @angels-and-dreams  @averykedavra  @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb  @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws @cecil-but-gayer  @i-am-overly-complicated  @annytheseal  @alias290  @tranquil-space-ninja  @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance @whyiask @crows-ace @emilythezeldafan @frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires @cyanide-violence @oonagh2 @xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx @rabbitsartcorner  @percy-07734 @triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo @cerulean-watermelon @puffed-up-bees @meltheromanstan @joyrose-fandomer @insanitori @mavenmush @justablah65 @10paradox10 @uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous​ 

If you want to be added/taken off the taglist, let me know!

[anniesqueendom]

Succession S4 Thoughts (Controversial?)

I hate Tom and Greg. I have voiced this before several times. They are despicable but we also have no context about their upbringing and trauma, so if I am to assume it was less traumatic, they are both much more horrid than the kids.

Shiv deserves to catch a break. People talk about her not being equipped to run a company when she is probably the most sane out of all siblings. She has mommy and daddy issues, yes, but is also the only one who thinks more practically outside her emotions. She is also the one always cast out because she is a girl. I can't imagine growing up in a household led by a sexist and misogynistic man like Logan. And honestly, I love Roman but he follows close behind the daddy footsteps. People say Tom loves her, lol, have you watched the show? He tried to threaten her then remembered what Karl said about his wife not even liking him, and started acting kind. Anytime he tries to get close to shiv there is a motive. Tom is an abusive man, he abuses his wife emotionally and abuses her cousin sexually and physically.

Greg is the most social climber person I have ever seen. He doesn't care at all about anyone only to get higher on the ladder. He feels he is entitled to some of the money, why? because he was born a roy? LOL he is the biggest joke. And how are people surprised about how he treated Kerry, he would do anyone dirty to get ahead. He is scouting out his next mommy.

Roman and Kendall, I am terrified for both. I have a feeling one or the other is going to be killed off. I really hope not, I really hope at the end the kids do end up better, healed. But, succession is more a tragedy, so I doubt that would happen. Nonetheless, one can hope. Kendall is easily seduced by toxicity, and Roman is feelingless right now. I wish them well.

I love Connor this season and I want to see him win lol.

[remuscore]

I've been thinking about this shit too long so enjoy ANOTHER fic but this time based on this post about Remus and chronic pain.

Warnings: None ig.

____________

Maybe being a hated outcast wasn’t so bad afterall. Maybe he could go back to that. It wouldn’t be too hard, just say something messed up again. These prudes get all hopped up just with one too many swear words during a video. Really, they all care about their images and PG rating all too much. Why did Remus even want to be included, they are boring and God, they stand so much―

“Remus?”

“Yeah?” Remus stood up straight again. He didn’t realize he’s been hunching over himself with his hands on his knees. Janus was the one to call his name, looking unimpressed by his display, but Remus knew there was some pity in there somewhere. He knew him too well.

“Do you want to sit down for a while?” he asked.

Remus shook his head, ignoring the dull pain in his legs sharpening when he shifted on his feet. It felt like his bones were being pulled to the ground by heavy chains in them acting as anchors. His knees were shaking, so he tried bouncing in his spot beside Roman to stop it. “Nah, I’m fine. You know, you guys talk a lot, right? I mean, I also talk a lot, but you guys just stand here and just talk and talk and talk and—”

“Yeah, we… tend to ramble…” Thomas spoke slowly, confused by Remus’ actions. Janus summoned his cane and nudged it against Remus’ foot. He ignored it. “Do you need a break? We can come back to this later?”

“No, Thomas, we need to settle this!” Roman complained. Logan nodded along with him, looking frustrated that their conversation was being interrupted. “If he can’t sit still long enough to be a part of this, then he can leave. He hasn’t been contributing anything anyways.”

Remus laughed, a lot harsher than he planned. Probably because everytime he shifted, Janus’ cane tapped at his boots. He wanted to break that fucking cane. “Ha! You can’t get rid of me that easily! No break, keep talking.”

And they did. Janus was still glancing at him in concern and kept his cane out, but he quickly got sucked into the conversation again, bringing out his points and having Patton on his side. The selfishness in his name had gotten worse the more accepted and listened to he was. With Patton’s support on this conversation, Remus’ issues were very quickly forgotten. Remus held himself up, definitely not staring longingly at Janus’ cane or behind Virgil at the empty stairs. He could so easily just take a rest, but maybe Janus’ stupid selfishness was getting rubbed off on him too and he rather get eviscerated than make it clear how much pain he was in.

His forearm rested against the wall on his right and he leaned on it, trying to seem casual with it by giving any glance an impossibly sharp smile and a wave of his fingers. His legs were shaking too much and walking it off wasn’t going to work this time. With all six of them here, Remus wouldn’t have any room in the first place to run around, and it’s gotten to a point where it would only make matters worse.

“Remus, for heaven’s sake, just sit down.”

He shook his head, glaring at Janus. “No.”

“Remus, you’re shaking,” Thomas said. As far as Remus was sure, the only shaking around here was his head saying no. “What’s going on? Do you really need a break?”

“No.”

He was going to fall. He was going to collapse. Fuck, fuck.

“Remus.”

“Stop it.”

“Remus.”

“I’m fine.”

Before Janus could argue again, Remus’ knees buckled. He fell onto his heels and quickly lost balance, falling back on his butt. One arm tried grabbing purchase on the wall while the other did little to stop his head from colliding with the tv stand behind him. Even with the embarrassment of falling in front of everyone, Remus couldn’t help but feel relief at the pressure taken off his legs. He let out a loud groan and dropped his head hard against the stand again, closing his eyes.

Janus squatted down in front of him instantly and swore as he grabbed the back of Remus’ neck, pulling him forward to see how hard he hit his head. Remus let him, keeping his eyes shut. He opened them in surprise, however, when he felt clammy hands on his back and helped to sit him up. Janus whispered a thank you to Patton, but Remus twisted away from him and elbowed his hands away, not feeling the same gratitude as his friend. He pushed his back against the tv and slapped Janus’ hands away too.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Someone— Remus wasn’t sure who— asked from above. Janus tutted and hissed under his breath.

“He was trying to act all tough,” he snapped. He was doing that thing where he gets all sassy and frustrated whenever someone is putting their pride in front of their health and ends up getting hurt from it. Remus knew this all too well. “The big bad Duke can’t take a break and sit down while talking. No, for some reason we always have to have these pathetic little debates while standing crowded in the living room when there is a couch right behind you!”

“Janus―”

“Well, what was that?” Thomas― definitely Thomas this time― questioned. He was starting to get frustrated too and while usually it was fun when Remus ended up getting Thomas mad, it wasn’t as fun when it was for his behalf. “Can he stand up?”

“I’m fine,” Remus spat out. He shoves himself to his feet, grunting. Janus and Patton stand too, the latter’s arms out awkwardly in some instinct driven way to catch him if he fell. “I can stand.”

His legs still shook under him as he shoulders his way to the couch. He barely got a moment to breathe before he was being crowded again. Janus sat beside him and shoved his cane into Remus’ hands. Remus used it to wave threateningly at the others to keep them from overwhelming him again. He did end up hitting Virgil squarely in the shoulder when he didn’t move away in time and that made him laugh.

“Are you going to explain what that was?” Logan raised an eyebrow at him, fixing his glasses from when he had been nearly hit by the business end of the cane.

“No.”

“Remus―”

“Fine,” Remus threw his head back against the cushions and groaned. He stayed like that for a moment before huffing and dropping it again to look at the others. He made brief eye contact with Roman before looking away. “After the Split, my muscles have been super weak, especially in my legs…”

[mermaidsirennikita]

How’d you like the succession episode? the tomshiv content has me dyingg

It was really good! This season has been so strong thus far, I'm really happy with how things are progressing. Tom/Shiv was so good in that episode, and I think it just.... really beautifully underlines why these two got together and what has been keeping them apart.

Thoughts:

--I find it bizarre that people think Tom acknowledging (I don't wanna say admitting, because he's known, and I think Shiv has known, and I think everyone has known) his desire for money and power means he doesn't love Shiv? Like, you can enjoy the benefits of a relationship and also feel genuine emotions about the relationship. Two things can exist at once. People are complex. This is one issue many viewers have with this show, imo. They expect all these plot twists and binary black and white answers when that's never been the point. The point is to tell a story about people with messed up relationships and senses of self, to tell it in an emotionally authentic way, and to get the nuances.

--Another thing: people! Learn about the childbearing body, Jesus! I've seen people say that Shiv must be miscarrying because she fell down a couple stairs, like women don't get into car accidents while pregnant without miscarrying... often. I've seen people say Shiv must be somehow aborting the baby by drinking and doing drugs when a) we never saw her do drugs, and even if she did, hate to break this to y'all, but babies are born addicted to drugs all the time, it often does not cause a miscarriage b) I'm not sure if she swallowed alcohol, but even if she did... You can take a couple sips without it affecting the fetus, lmao. Women go full term without realizing they were pregnant and drink throughout. Give birth to pretty healthy babies. It happens.

(There's also the fact that the American recommendation of "don't drink every when pregnant" isn't universally agreed upon by American doctors, let alone doctors across the globe... Like, don't go and get wasted if you're knocked up, people, but a sip or two ain't gonna expel your fetus.)

Then also! People think! Shiv! Had an abortion! Because Tom didn't notice her pregnancy when they had sex??? First off, Shiv is under 20 weeks pregnant with her first child. Every person carries differently (I've known people who just never look pregnant and go a full 40 weeks) but women often show later with first babies because their muscles haven't been "stretched" by pregnancy yet. Any weight she gained could just look like a random weight gain, and I think Tom was just... happy to be there. Also, it's been like. 48 hours since we saw her talking to the doctor about her amnio (which isn't something you do, typically, with an unwanted pregnancy--amnios hurt like a motherfucker). Amnios usually aren't done before 15 weeks; so Shiv would've had to get a second trimester abortion, which of course can be done, but is harder on the body than a medical abortion done prior to 10-12 weeks. She would likely not be up and at 'em super quickly, and she also would be bleeding profusely and probably physically unable to have sex, unless she just didn't take her pants off. Which, I guess could happen, but it seems UNLIKELY.

--Another stupid thing I want to address is people thinking Roman was getting off to his dad's voice because he like? Shifted in his seat? First off, if you think that's how Kieran would've played that, how interesting. Second, there is such a vast chasm between being into degradation and getting off on your father's voice... Like, to suggest this is honestly not only stupid but a bit wildly disrespectful to people with degradation kinks. Like, the way Roman pursues his kink can be unhealthy and wild, but wanting to be degraded is pretty common and even basic. It's normal. It's fine. You're not gonna make the leap from that to what people are suggesting.

Like, the general fan theory that Logan abused Roman sexually has no basis in anything we've seen onscreen, and just seems to be a part of this effort to be "one step ahead" of a show that lays a lot of its basic thesis out there. For example: it won't be shocking if the show ends with Kendall on top but totally soulless. The show has projected that ending from day one. But simply because it isn't shocking... doesn't mean it's bad? This show is not here to pull the rug out from under us.

--Going back to Shiv and Tom on that front--it's deeply unsurprising that Shiv is more into Tom now that he's not as available to her and even mildly degrades her. (All the Roy kids have a degradation thing on some level. Like, the "you're into degradation because you grew up being degraded by bad parents" take is a bit... again, basic, but it's not off.) And it's not surprising that this is activating for her now that her father is truly unreachable. Just as it's not surprising that Matsson is probably playing her, in part because she's especially vulnerable to affirmations and apparent trust from a man who really is one of the only people who seems like her father's business equal.

(Lol yet nobody is saying Shiv wants to fuck her dad, so.)

(Also, I think what the show was saying, aside from just "Roman is not doing well and misses his father deeply" was that Roman's perception of what paternal affection is warped, but not in a sexual way. The only relationship he had with his father, who he loved, was an emotionally and physically abusive one. So naturally, hearing abusive language hurled at him from his father is comforting, in the way listening to a loving voicemail from a dead parent might be to someone who had a normal relationship with said parent.)

--Speaking of, Roman is doing real bad, but unless Jeremy does something wild in the last few eps (which lmao, he might) I think this is Kieran's year. Which is so deserved. He's breaking my fucking heart. Just collapsing, and reverting, as makes sense for someone with Roman's state of arrested development, to the guy we saw in the early episodes of the show.

--I find it funny that people think Kendall bombed when he in fact got what he wanted? Like, yeah, the Living+ thing is kind of absurd (sounds... kinda sick tho) and the presentation was so typically Kendall in the vagueness and the bro-isms, but that's the point. He doesn't need to tell these people a straightforward truth. He isn't persuading geniuses. He's conning his fellow mindnumbingly rich people who have more money than they know what to do with, and these people are NOT any better or more discerning than you or more. Maybe less so. Watching that presentation and going "he said a lot of nothing but he said it in a cool way" is the take. He won by being able to do that.

He was also high as balls and on the point of a mental break, buuuut that'll come later. And he might still take this thing, lol. But that is NOT GOOD.

--Karl is King.

[loganslowdown4]

Here we go with more of my

ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL

BREAK DOWN

(wow that sounds more like a bad marriage joke…)

Here’s my break down of what PATTON had to say:

He’s making himself cry (again) sigh. He already needs a hug and we only just started.

Patton is calling Janus ‘Jan’ like they’re friends? And thinks they are because he gave him a sandwich? haha noooo

I like how Patton thinks that ghosts live in the mind palace with them

So Patton’s biggest reveal here is that he is not familiar with Nico. This is on purpose. Roman thinks that Virgil is the one holding them all back from getting further along in their relationship with Nico. But no. It’s Patton.

Because while Roman is Thomas’ passion and romance, Patton is ultimately Thomas’ heart and the one that will represent true love. And Patton won’t give Nico his heart because there is still too much that Thomas needs to deal with.

Roman for the love of god give Patton another puppy

Patton regrets not sharing his feelings when he was sad. It’s interesting that the episode he chooses to reminice back on is the episode where they go to Patton’s room and he couldn’t get over being sad about Thomas’ ex-boyfriend.

Perhaps this is why he’s so guarded about Nico. He doesn’t want the heartbreak all over again because it nearly broke him and drove everyone else crazy.

Patton comments on how far Virgil has come and hopes that he knows how much they love him. Translation: Patton hopes that Virgil knows how much HE loves him. They have been growing very distant for a long while now.

To make a long theory short, this is because of the position that Patton puts Virgil in. He gets more anxious when Patton lies to himself about his feelings, which in turn brought about Deceit. Virgil hates Deceit but also hates when Patton tries to make everything ok by reigning in Virgil on how anxious he’s allowed to feel. There’s a control issue here. A parent/child dynamic if you will. Virgil is still not happy with Patton.

What’s next for Patton is that he feels things will keep getting better, which he believes is true, as long as they keep communicating. Meaning if they stop telling each other things, things will not get better.

And this rings true with the core 4. Logan is not communicating his feelings of not being listened to. Roman and Patton aren’t really talking about Nico. And Virgil, well. If Virgil doesn’t tell Patton what’s wrong soon, I’m going to lose my marbles

So what do you think?

Let me know your thoughts and I will be doing my analysis of Roman’s points tomorrow

Feel free to check out my analysis on Logan Virgil Janus Remus Roman as well!

Thanks for reading! 💙🤍

[sidespart]

Mundane Mysticism

Fake fic meme

platonic or pre relationship LAMP + platonic (or romantic tbh) Demus, Fantasy AU, Circle of Magic (Tamora Pierce) AU

Universe primer for anyone who has not read the books:

Universe where some people are born with magic, with varying degrees of power. Some people get academic magic, where the magic comes from the person, and some get ambient magic, where the person can 'tap into' the magic of something in their surroundings, normally through performing a craft (eg cloth weaving, smithing etc).

Academic magic is much easier to see and children with magic are normally detected early and trained in how to control their powers. They can choose to study to be mages at universities/temples. it is more common and, in general, more powerful than ambient magic. Ambient magic is much harder to spot and can be harder to control, as practitioners are constantly bombarded by magical energy from their surroundings. it can 'get away' from the user and cause problems if they don't learn to control it. Normally taught via apprenticeship by another mage with the same craft.

Actual Story:

Roman (dancing magic), Logan (water magic) and Virgil (weather magic) are all kids with ambient magic who arn't discovered until they're much older (13+). None of them were aware they had magic and had just resigned themselves to being 'weird'.

inevitable tragic backstories:

Roman's family are nuovo-riche and have always been resentful of mages, who they think look down on normal people. They have a 'children should be seen and not heard' attitude and are basically waiting for Roman to be old enough to marry a suitable girl/ take over part of the family business before they will be interested in him. He is absolutely forbidden from singing and dancing/generally making a nuscience of himself, but he can't help but feel he gets good luck for the day whenever he's able to sneak off and dance...

Logan is a street kid with a reputation for always knowing which water pumps are working and safe to drink from. This is enough for one of the local gangs to take him in even though he's not strong and has bad eyesight, although he can see clearly when he looks at reflections in water. His whole gang end up being rounded up and arrested after robbing the wrong rich guys house, but Logan manages to escape through the sewers, ending up alone on the wrong side of the city....

Virgil is a noble and hears voices. His family care about him but are also terrified of anyone finding out that their heir is 'mad' so he is locked up in his room for most of his life. He was tested for magic as a little kid but they didn't find anything, they don't realise he's hearing voices on the wind. When Virgil was little he got incredibly angry with one of the servants, for reasons he now can't even remember, and said he hoped she would die. That evening, she was killed in a freak storm whilst walking home. Even though Virgil didn't know he had weather magic at the time, he still blamed himself and is absolutely terrified of storms as a result...

All three of them get found and rescued by Janus, an academic mage who specialises in 'finding hidden things' amongst other seer related skills, and brought to a temple to be trained. None of them can fit in with the other children (a mix of academic magic users and non magic kids who are training as adepts) so they're moved out of the dormitories and into a cottage on the temple grounds. Janus and Remus (a plant mage who is always covered in dirt) are the adults living there who become their main teachers.

Janus and Remus are trying their best but like....there is a REASON they haven't taken on apprentices before, let alone kids with as many issues as these three. And the kids do not get along. at all. Roman's too loud, Virgil's too quiet, Logan doesn't trust anyone. Things in the cottage are ~tense~

Patton is another kid adept in training who is being raised at the temple. Whilst there, it's discovered that he also has ambient magic - in cooking. This is a much more common, mundane form of magic than the overpowered, rare magics that the other three have. But it does mean he gets extra 'lessons' in the temple kitchens at odd hours, and ends up meeting and bonding with the other three separately.

Roman's terrified of messing up in front of adults and acts loud and obnoxious in his efforts to be 'perfect' (or at least better than the other two) (even though he can't sit still and meditate AT ALL and he knows that drives Janus crazy and he's totally going to kick him out and send him back home to his parents and and and- ) but Patton is just another kid, and Roman can sneak off at lunch break to meet him and just play and dance silly jigs without worrying about it being perfect. And Patton will always clap and whoop and reward him with home made toffees (his parents never allowed sweets) which give him this like. confident feeling he's never had before.

Logan meets Patton whilst trying to steal extra food at night. Logan doesn't trust adults At All and finds all the rules and regs of temple life baffling, but Patton makes sense to him - Logan needs extra food and Patton needs protection from bullies in his dorm. It's a good trade, even if Logan gets in trouble for 'accidentally' soaking some snooty adepts on their way back from the library. Patton gives Logan biscuits which never go stale, even if he hoards them in his room for weeks, and starts teaching him to read in exchange for stories of life outside the temple. He also accidently gets Logan addicted to jam.

Virgil absolutely hates leaving his room but R&J give him one chore which forces him to go outside: collecting breakfast from the kitchens in the morning. Patton notices Virgil looks terrified of entering the busy kitchen, so he starts meeting him outside with a basket of food. Eventually Vigril's starts coming earlier and earlier so he can stand and chat with Patton for longer before he goes back. he doesn't really get WHY Patton likes him but the morning conversations quickly become the highlight of the day. Patton brews him his own bled of tea which gives him this feeling of calm, even during a storm.

ANYWAY. Eventually SOMETHING happens which puts Patton in danger (i'm thinking....Pirates? Fire in the Kitchen? Bears? idk) The other three have to work together to rescue him and end up finally bonding as a result. After that they start hanging out as a four whenever they can. At some point Janus starts inviting Patton along to their group teaching sessions since he's a good influence on the other three and then he starts staying for breakfast/ lunch / dinner until one day Janus looks at Remus and is all "...do we have a fourth child living in this cottage?" And Remus just sighs at him like. Honey. You're meant to be this all powerful seer how did you not notice we essentially adopted this kid three seconds after he tasting that soup he made. And Janus grumbles but like. He loves these kids he wants them to be happy and Patton is TECHNICALY in need of a teacher too, even if he's got way more control of his powers having grown up in a temple, he is still a kid, so its not totally unreasonable he should move into the cottage.

And it was really good soup.

Story about the Power of Friendship And Also Home Cooking

[treenissanderssidesstuff]

🧩 A theory you have

I keep forgetting what is and isn't a theory. But I can prove "intrusive thoughts" is a terrible descriptor for Remus to go along with my hijacking @typically-untypical's post if you want.

So this is gonna piggyback off of that Catharsis Remus post, which you should read before this for some context. As I said there, all of the sides but Janus (sorta) cause c!Thomas to have intrusive thoughts. Remus' brand of intrusive thoughts however helps restore a sense of control.

Anyone who makes dark jokes can probably relate to this pretty quickly. If you've ever been stressed about an assignment and said something like "kill me" because of it? That's Remus' brand of things. Making a joke like that makes yourself recontextualize a situation. Did you think about something dark for a moment there? Sure. However, that assignment that was stressing you out? Maybe it suddenly isn't quite so bad in the face of death. Just reminding yourself that there are technically other options and that doing the assignment for the betterment of your life is the one you're choosing is empowering. If you've laughed the joke off and felt a resurgence of drive? It's because you've re-centered yourself into a position of feeling control again and reminded yourself that whatever impossible task your facing doesn't have to be the end. The world isn't hinged on you doing something perfectly. You've made your problem small, by reminding yourself you're actively conquering a much bigger one just by being.

Okay, so now that I've given some context for what Remus' brand of intrusive thoughts are and how they're useful, let me explain how all of the lightsides have their own brand of intrusive thoughts that are both useful, but dangerous in excess.

Virgil: This one should be obvious. Anxiety is riddled with intrusive thoughts. "What if I go to the party and I make a fool of myself?" "I can't talk to that person, they'll think I'm stupid." "Is that person judging me?" "What if I can't do it?" Virgil makes c!Thomas think before he acts, which he needs we know he needs, but it can be crippling because it can make him worry too much and cause a paralysis of action. Virgil's brand of intrusive thoughts is thoughts related to a fear of what "could be." Accepting anxiety already contextualized his brand quite a bit. (Thanks Logan!)

Patton: Patton's got a one/two punch because he's morality and emotions. "Am I a bad person when I do something for myself?" "Do I deserve what I have? To be here?" "What about all of those talented people who are getting overlooked?" "Do I really deserve my friends?" "They're all so amazing though, they don't need me..." Patton's brand of intrusive thoughts is related to what "is" related to perceived expectations of people's opinion is specifically valued. He's the feeling of having to "deserve" what a person have in some way or downgrade achievements. c!Thomas' need to prove over and over again that he's actually trying and that he cares. It's a wonderful thing to want to help others, to show love and appreciation, but there is no "being good enough" if a person lets this type of guilt take over.

Roman: Roman's got that fear of failure, but in a different way than Virgil. It's more like failure induced stress. Virgil's the surface level anxiety about making a mistake, Roman's the deeper worry about not being enough that is only "proven correct" with every failure. "You didn't get/win [blank] because you're not talented enough." "You didn't work hard enough." "You should have done more, put in more effort." "You'll never match up to those other people, they deserve it." "Taking breaks is just laziness." Roman's intrusive thoughts are related to what "was" and perceptions connected to the past. He focuses on flaws and failures and causes c!Thomas to do the same. Each time a short term goal isn't met, is just fuel for that kind of self-hatred of not "doing enough." He keeps the dream alive, keeps pushing c!Thomas forward, but too much? And everything will feel useless because that self-degradation will stop being motivating and will start making c!Thomas feel inherently like a failure.

Logan: Logan's a bit of a tricky one because he's usually made to be the problem solver, but he's also had his own fair share of problems. Logan's issues are usually related to making he perceives as the "wrong" decisions. "If you had chosen a different career, you would be more stable." "People are laughing at you." "You're not acting like a proper adult." "You'll never be respected like this." Logan's intrusive thoughts are related to what "could have been," specifically an idealized version of that. It's easy to pretend things could have been better if a person had made different decisions, but different doesn't mean better. Having a job in science might have made c!Thomas appear more like a "standard adult," but would have he been happier? Probably not. If he thought at the time it would have made him happier, he probably would have chosen that path then. In some ways it can be good, because these kinds of thoughts can remind a person that there are other options if things don't work out. However, these kinds of thoughts pushed too far can make a person feel as if they've already ruined their life to the point of being irreparable, especially when their decisions go against the grain of normal expectations of society.

Janus: Janus is a little funny because he's a rule breaker (what else is new?) compared to the others. His focus is c!Thomas bettering himself, not to what others want, but to what he wants. There's no real outside stimuli related to him to cause intrusive thoughts. What he does do though, is make c!Thomas face the ones he has. He tries to breakdown the guilt, the fear, the shame by bringing it to focus and showing why it's wrong. It's the kind of thing that's painful to do in the moment, but also prevents you from hurting yourself worse. Actively explaining that you think your friends will hate you? It's uncomfortable. It hurts so much worse than passively believing it... in that moment. However, facing that perception is wrong? Prevents a lot of pain in the future of just letting yourself believe it.

And then we cycle back to Remus who in some ways, really is the garbage man, not because of how he presents himself, but because he forces c!Thomas to see what he's doing right by making him face the potential of a darker timeline and clean up the other's messes when they go to far.

[eliemo]

Love Our Way

Summary: Virgil knew he should have said something right there. But he didn’t, because he knew that would be the end.

Notes: Ace Virgil fic with romantic LAMP

TWs: Mentions of sex but no details. A little bit of internalized acephobia but barely, Virgil just has negative self esteem.

They’d been together a few months now and it had been, without a doubt, the best few months of Virgil’s life. 

It’d been a bit nerve wracking in the beginning, those first couple of weeks, as excited and thrilled as he was, Virgil had been extra paranoid about doing something wrong, about giving them any reason to lose feelings for him. 

He honestly hadn’t thought it could work at first. Relationships rarely worked out with two people, let alone four. Eventually they would fight, or lose feelings, or decide it was all too complicated. And things would get awkward and they could all end up hating each other and who knew what it would do to Thomas if they could no longer stand to be in the same room—

But they didn’t. By some miracle, that never happened.

Things were...things were perfect, as scared as Virgil had been to use the word. They’d been amazing ever since the anxious side was allowed to join their family, the love and warmth a wonderful kind of overwhelming he’d never felt before, but actually dating the people he loved more than anything, no longer needing to be afraid to express his feelings…

It was more than he’d ever thought he would get. More than he ever thought could be possible. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it was real. 

They fit together like puzzle pieces, making each other stronger, pushing each other to be better, gentle and encouraging, coexisting in peaceful harmony. 

Virgil had never felt so welcomed, so surrounded by unconditional support and affection. They showed him just how much he had to offer. For the first time he’d actually felt like he wasn’t just a burden. 

It was hard, especially when it took a while to convince himself that he wasn’t invited into the relationship out of convenience, but because they actually wanted him. 

But they loved him. He knew that now. They all loved each other, flaws and all. 

And, well...Virgil should have known it wouldn't last forever. 

Not for him. Because...because that was just the way things were, wasn’t it? He’d made progress, he wasn’t the bad guy anymore, but he was still Anxiety. Things were just destined to go wrong. 

He really hadn’t given a single thought. It never crossed his mind as something that could ever be a problem, even when they had initially gotten together. No one else seemed intent on bringing it up, so Virgil had figured they never would. 

But then it had. Logan had brought the topic up about a week ago, somewhat awkward but still painfully casual, the conversation simply to discuss everyone’s level of comfort when it came to intimacy. 

Which...yeah, Virgil guessed it made sense. They were dating, the four of them happy and comfortable with their relationship, and had been for months now. So obviously sex was going to get brought up eventually. Boundaries needed to be set before...anything actually happened. It was routine for a healthy relationship. 

Except Virgil hadn’t actually thought they would ever talk about it. Because he’d known for a long time that he was asexual and he’d just...kind of assumed the others were too.

Which in retrospect, was a stupid conclusion to jump to. 

Virgil had known for years now, long before befriending the others. It had taken him a while to be sure, lots of research and panic and overthinking, but he’d eventually grown comfortable with the label. It was just another part of who he was. 

But he’d also never really understood why. Thomas wasn’t asexual so it didn’t make any sense for Virgil to have a separate identity. 

Unless it was just something all the sides experienced, none of them able to feel that kind of attraction.

But he’d never actually gotten around to asking. No one brought it up, and before the...development in their relationship it never seemed like something that would be an issue. So he’d just assumed, and ran with it. 

But clearly that wasn’t the case. Not when Roman and Patton were responding to Logan’s question with varying levels of eagerness and approval, comfortable and willing to take the next step when they were all ready.  

And Virgil knew he should have said something right there. They had given him the perfect opportunity to come out, quick and easy, and avoid anything uncomfortable in the future. 

But he didn’t. Because...because that would be the end, wouldn’t it? 

They would be sweet about it, of course. Thank him for being honest. But if he was the only one who didn’t want that...well, what was the point of him being a part of things? 

It was a cruel thing to assume, he knew that. None of them were shallow enough to see sex as something necessary, and he knew they would never force him into anything. 

But...but he already offered so little. They already had to jump through so many hoops to accommodate his anxiety, and it wasn’t like he was particularly loving or good at romance, as hard as he tried. As loving and amazing as they were, this could simply be the final straw. 

He wanted to be with them. He wanted them in every other way. He loved them more than anything. But he wouldn’t fight it when they ended up distancing themselves from him. 

Virgil just wasn’t ready for that heartbreak yet. So he plastered on a fake smile, and nodded along with the others.

 He’d tell them tomorrow. The longer he waited, the worse it would be. 

_

“Movie night!” Patton declared, skipping into the living room where Virgil was scrolling aimlessly on his phone. “And don’t think you’re getting out of it this time, Virge!”

Virgil tried to ignore the way his stomach twisted at the phrasing, swallowing against rising panic and sending Patton a smile. It was just movie night, same as every Friday. 

It had been two weeks now, and he still hadn’t told them. He’d managed to avoid last week’s movie night with the excuse of an upset stomach, desperately trying not to think about what they could be doing without him. 

And now...now he’d have to tell. They’d already be upset he waited this long, he couldn’t put it off any longer. 

Besides, they’d all be in the same bed all night, as they often were, relaxed and happy and enjoying each other’s company. They wouldn’t ever force him into something he wasn’t comfortable with, even if they wanted nothing to do with him after he came out. 

He’d lied, after all. He should have told them right away. 

“I'll be right there,” he said, forcing a smile as Patton made his way upstairs to his bedroom where the others were likely waiting. “Just...give me a second.” 

This was it, then. Hopefully afterwards, it wouldn’t be too awkward. Hopefully they would still be willing to keep him around as a friend. 

They were all waiting for him by the time he made it to Roman’s room, the three of them sprawled out on the bed in a pile of laughs and smiles, and Virgil’s heart felt like it was trying to break through his chest. 

He loved them so much. He wanted nothing more than to forget all of this and be held in their arms, content and warm until the sun came up. 

But putting it off wasn’t fair to them. And it wasn’t fair to him either. 

“Virgil!” Roman exclaimed, and Virgil felt lightheaded at the fond, excited looks he was being given. “Come help us choose a movie!” 

He almost chickened out again, just for a second. But he couldn’t panic. Not until it was out in the open and he could deal with the consequences. 

After tonight, he could very well end up alone again. Isolated like a villain. 

Why did he have to keep turning out to be different? Why was he always meant to end up alone? 

“In a second,” he said, stopping just inside the doorway. “I...I need to say something first, if that’s ok.”

Their smiles dropped slightly, but their gentle, welcoming expressions never wavered. The three of them sat up in bed, scooting forward as Patton nodded. 

“Of course, honey,” he said. “What’s on your mind?” 

He was actually doing this. He just...had to figure out how to start. 

Virgil took a breath and stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide how they’d begun to shake. “Just to- just to get it out there to make it easier for you guys...I- I get it if you want to break up with me after this.”  

That got their attention, their heads snapping up with wide, wary eyes. Virgil couldn’t quite bring himself to look at them anymore. 

“I’m just saying,” he muttered, and god he was shaking so bad. “I’ll understand.” 

The silence only stretched on another few seconds before Logan cleared his throat. “We’re listening, Virgil.” 

Ok. Ok he could do this. He...really should have planned out what he was going to say first. 

“I should have told you right away,” he started. “I know I should have. It’s not fair to you guys and I’m...I’m really sorry that I didn’t. I wasn’t trying to...to lie or- or lead you on or anything, I just...love you guys. A lot. I’ve loved being with you and I wasn’t ready to...you know...ruin that.” 

“Virge? What...what did you do, darling?” 

It was passed off as a joke, the Prince forcing a small smile, but there was serious concern behind it. 

Virgil quickly shook his head. “It’s not...I didn’t realize that it would be, you know, an issue. But you guys want...you want someone who’s not...me. Because- because I’m…” 

Say it, just say it. 

“I’m asexual. And you guys...I shouldn’t have kept that from you. I’m sorry. I’m just...sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

And that was...it. That was it. They knew now. 

They knew, and they could react how they wanted. If they were angry, Virgil wouldn’t blame him. If they were disgusted and demanded he leave...Virgil wouldn’t fight it, no matter how badly it hurt. 

He knew them better than to truly assume that would be the case, but the thought was still there. 

Furious or not, there was no way they’d trust him enough to keep him in the relationship. 

But he had to hold it together until the end of the conversation. He’d escape as soon as they let him, and then...and then he’d readjust to being alone. 

Unfortunately, none of them seemed particularly inclined to answer, the silence stretching on a moment too long. He risked a glance up from the floor, hunching his shoulders when he caught Logan’s eye. 

“Virgil,” the logical side said. “Come sit down, please.”

He quickly shook his head, taking a step back. He didn’t need a long, drawn out ending to this. He wouldn’t be able to hold it together that long. 

“You...you guys don’t have to--” 

“Virgil,” Patton cut him off, scooting aside to make room. “Come over here and talk to us.” 

And he’d never be able to deny Patton anything, would he? Not when he sounded so desperate. 

Virgil moved forward on shaky legs, focusing solely on his breathing to keep himself from crying, ending up seated in between Patton and Logan, Roman pressed up against the moral side. 

“This doesn’t need to be a conversation,” he said, just wanting to get out. “I...I said I would understand.” 

Virgil jumped when there was a hand against his cheek, Logan suddenly cupping his jaw and turning his head until they were face to face, the logical side’s eyes piercing behind his glasses. 

“Virgil,” Logan started, sounding almost breathless. “How...on earth could you think this would end in a break up?” 

Virgil blinked, wondering if this was some kind of trick question. “What? I don’t--” 

“Darling,” Roman said, and the Prince was suddenly scooting over to sit in front of Virgil, the three of them surrounding him. “You thought we would leave if you came out as Ace?” 

Virgil shook his head because no, that...that wasn’t the problem. Not entirely, anyway. “It’s not...guys I lied. You asked me to be in a relationship with you and I didn’t say anything.” 

“You did not lie,” Logan said, never dropping his hand from Virgil’s face. “You just were not ready to come out yet. You and I both know there is a substantial difference.” 

There was a hand suddenly slipping into his own, and Virgil startled when he realized it was Patton’s, the moral side’s free hand now running fingers through his hair. 

“You weren’t comfortable sharing that part of yourself,” he said. “That’s totally ok, sweetheart. No one’s mad at you. I’m just glad you said something before something...happened.” 

Logan’s hand suddenly dropped, his eyes big and painfully worried, and Virgil had to force himself not to look away. 

“Virgil,” he said slowly. “You do not...owe us anything. Especially not something like sex. If we made you feel like--” 

“What? Jesus- no.” Virgil moved his hand away from Patton, pulling his knees up to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut to try to get a hold of himself. “It wasn’t...I just thought...it would be too...t-too much to deal with, you know?” 

They weren’t breaking up with him. They weren’t. He’d been stupid to think that. There was no reason he should still be so upset. 

He couldn’t make them feel guilty. He couldn’t make them think they’d been the ones to do something wrong when they’d been nothing but perfect. He couldn’t--

“Oh Virgil.” 

Too late he realized the tears had started to spill over, his face burning as he pressed a hand against his mouth to try and muffle any treacherous sobs. 

There was a pair of arms around him, warm and grounding, and it took Virgil a moment to realize it was Roman, gently guiding him into the embrace. He didn’t fight it, falling limp against the Prince’s chest with a pathetic choking noise. 

“S-sorry,” he managed in between sobs. “I’m sorry, I- I don’t know why I’m...I sh-should have told you, I- I thought you’d...I thought you’d run out of reasons to- to want me.” 

“We could never,” Roman whispered, holding him tight. Patton moved forward to rub circles along his back, Logan reaching out to squeeze his hand. “You’re beautiful, Virgil. And this doesn’t change a thing.”

It didn’t make sense. None of it made any sense. If one of them had come out, it would be different. But with him...there was already so much to deal with, so much they were forced to handle. 

Eventually, it had to get to be too much, right? He’d already figured they’d get fed up with the extra steps they had to take to respect his boundaries, Virgil always a little more wary when it came to being vulnerable. 

But they all sounded so...genuine. Princey hadn’t once loosened his hold, still whispering quiet reassurances, Patton was back to running his fingers through Virgil’s hair, pressing kisses to his free hand. 

And Logan still held on tight, counting out familiar breathing exercises just loud enough for Virgil to hear, always knowing how to calm him down. 

When he finally managed to calm down, taking in deep, shuddering breaths, he reluctantly pulled away from Roman, wiping at his eyes as he stared down at his lap. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I never thought...I wouldn’t have let you guys do anything. I was always gonna tell you eventually I just...kept putting it off.” 

“That is quite alright,” Logan said, sounding oddly hesitant. “But I...don’t think I could forgive myself if we had taken the next step without realizing you would not enjoy it.” 

Virgil nodded, forcefully pushing down the sickening panic at the thought. “I know. I wouldn’t have let that happen. I promise.” 

Patton and Logan both squeezed his hands, Patton tilting forward to press a kiss to his temple before leaning his forehead on Virgil’s shoulder. He allowed himself to lean into the touch, taking another shaky breath before continuing. 

“I’m...I am sorry though. If this complicates things.” 

Roman cocked his head slightly, frowning. “Complicates things?” 

“Yeah,” Virgil said, hoping he wasn’t about to refute every wonderful thing that had just been said. “We’re...in a relationship. And you all want...I mean, Roman you’re pretty much all romance, so I know you want--” 

He cut himself off, caught completely off guard when Roman started laughing. 

“Sorry,” the Prince said quickly, smiling at the exasperated looks Virgil realized the others were giving him. “Sorry, I just...gosh, Virgil can I kiss you?” 

Virgil blinked, mind suddenly completely blank. “I...uh, sure?” 

True to his word, Roman was suddenly cupping Virgil’s face in both his hands, gently pressing their lips together, and just like always Virgil melted against the touch, completely safe for just a single, blissful moment. 

When Roman pulled back, he met Virgil’s gaze, brimming with nothing but adoration and love. “Virgil, darling, you really think I see something as trivial as sex romantic?”

“I mean...yeah?” 

“Virgil, I love you. You, not...not what you have to offer. I love seeing you in the mornings, and holding you...I love hearing your voice. I want to cook you dinners and pick you flowers and sing for you. That’s romantic, Virge. Not...not something as small as sex. That’s not what’s important. Not to me.” 

“I, for once, am in agreement with Roman,” Logan said. “Sexual intimacy has never been of importance to me. It certainly does not hold enough power to damage our relationship in any way if you do not desire it. And it certainly has no power over my feelings for you.” 

Virgil was suddenly dangerously close to crying again. “I--” 

“Besides, there is no logical reason for us to engage in sexual intercourse. We are not human, so the need to reproduce does not--” 

Roman thankfully cut him off with a kiss, Logan making a noise somewhere between surprise and annoyance, but reciprocated without further complaint. 

Patton was suddenly taking both of Virgil’s hands, their fingers laced together, and Virgil suddenly wasn't quite so scared to meet the moral side’s eyes. 

“I don’t care about something silly like that,” Patton said. “I just care about you, honey. The four of us being safe and happy and together. If we all just cuddle and tell each other how much we love each other...nothing else could ever make me that happy. So don’t you worry about a thing, ok?” 

Virgil wasn’t sure whether he laughed or sobbed, but he was smiling back at Patton, at the people who surrounded him with unconditional love, and he nodded. 

“Ok,” he agreed, feeling lighter than he thought he ever had. “Thank you. All of you. I...I love you all. So much.” 

Within moments they were all tangled up in each other, the television playing an old comfort movie, Virgil wrapped up in Logan’s arms with his head against Roman’s chest, Patton leaned against his legs. 

It was still perfect, and Virgil had a funny feeling it always would be. He loved them, more than anything in the entire world, and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind they felt the same way.

[illogicalthinking]

The Burn Within

warnings: Some NSFW language (Remus), blood/ bruises mention, hurt no comfort and self hatred 

word count: 1883

authors note: for this fic i used a prompt by @just-another-ts-prompt-blog which can be found: here 

hope you enjoy!

Whilst the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ sides preferred to keep their distance from each other, they had to share certain parts of Thomas’s mind. For example, they shared a common area, and the imagination was split into two separate realms, much like Roman and Remus: Whilst one contained multiple castles and kingdoms living in harmony with each other, the other was a prison of living nightmares. 

However, this arrangement did not bring them any closer to each other. The light sides tried to avoid the dark sides at all costs. Remus often played pranks on the others such as swapping the sugar out for salt, spiking drinks with inedible products, and stealing utensils. 

This made meal times extremely difficult to control: Virgil would hiss and hide, Patton would try and fail to diffuse the situation, Janus would watch in entertainment and Roman was never around to witness. The only side that could keep the sides from murdering each other was Logan. 

Today seemed like one of those days. 

“Virgil could you please come down from there, Remus did not do anything” Logan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was far too early for this, Logan muttered to himself whilst taking a large sip of coffee from his “worlds best mum” mug. 

“He walked in whilst we were making coffee, that’s more than enough reason to hide. What if he put baby powder in my drink again? I’m going to die because of him!” Virgil hissed from his place on the top of the fridge, hoodie covering his frantic eyes. 

Virgil had been more paranoid than usual after the recent video. He had fallen back into his old habit of hissing at the other sides when stressed. It concerned Patton greatly. 

“Oh please sunshine, there is a higher chance of me fucking a woman with 3 arms than there is me spiking your drink again, I just walked in!” Remus exclaimed as he passed Virgil on the fridge to the dining table. 

“Whilst Remus vocalized his argument in a very unprofessional manner, he is right, we have been awake for approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes whereas, by the looks of it, Remus has only been awake for around 10 minutes.” Logan made sure to maintain eye contact with Virgil whilst voicing his opinion to ensure Virgil knows he’s telling the truth. “There is nothing to worry about Virgil, you are safe” 

“Thanks, L” 

“You're welcome, now please come down from there, it is very dangerous to be sitting in places you are not supposed to be sitting”

-

-

After the incident this morning between Virgil and Remus, Logan remained seated in the common room, his back straight against the recliner with his laptop placed on his lap. He was researching content for a Sanders side video they will be filming in the evening. He did not do this in his room due to not wanting another incident like this morning. Logan is the only side that is willing to deal with the incidents, while the other sides (particularly Janus and Roman) are too impatient and often make the situation worse. 

Throughout the whole day, Logan continued to research the link between intrusive thoughts and depression. Thomas had recently been showing signs of this mental illness and Logan wanted to bring it up to him via a video. However, there was a small issue, Logan would have to have all the other sides present including Janus and Remus. He needed Janus because Thomas listened to him more than Logan (much to the latter's dismay) and Remus represented intrusive thoughts. It would only be fair to have Remus take part in a discussion about him, even if the light sides had a problem with this. 

Happy with his research, Logan snapped his laptop shut. Due to none of the other sides entering the common room after this morning's incident, Logan concluded it was safe to retreat into his room because he was not needed to split up another argument yet.

To Logan's annoyance, it was time to film the video for Thomas' youtube channel. After the events of putting others first, Logan had started to dread taking part in videos. This was because Janus proved he could take his role as logic, and remain loved and respected whilst providing the necessary information Thomas needed. 

“Enough of the self-loathing, Logan, now is not the time,” Logan muttered to himself as he sank down into Thomas’s living room. This evening is going to be a long one for all of the sides, especially Logan. 

-

-

Logan didn’t know how much longer he could handle the arguing. 

None of the other sides were listening to his facts or solutions, too busy pinning the blame on each other for Thomas’s current problem. Roman and Remus were currently swords to mace, about to start a physical fight, Janus remained by Patton’s side trying and failing to calm him down before he turned back into a frog and Virgil remained curled up on his side, his hoodie covered the majority of him but Logan could still see him shaking. 

 Something had to shut them up.

I will shut them up, Logan thought to himself. Logan became alarmed by the sudden aggressive thoughts. He may have a short fuse but he wasn’t usually aggressive, not without guilt eating away at him. However, this time Logan had no guilt attached to this thought and he shivered at the realisation. 

This time was different he reminded himself and with that thought, Logan snapped

“Will you all shut up and listen to what I have to say for once!” Logan all but screamed at the top of his lungs, ensuring he was heard over the arguing. 

The silence that came after was enough evidence for logan to continue:

“People who suffer from depression often get stuck with a single or even several intrusive thoughts that arise frequently. These types of repetitive intrusive thoughts are known as 'rumination'.”

 “The whole point of me organising this stupid video was to bring this statement to Thomas’ attention and guide him with the help of Janus to seek professional help. You all arguing like a group of immature school children was not part of the script, now if you would excuse me I am going to make myself useful for once and leave” Logan huffed, glad to get that out of his system. Even after snapping, the guilt never choked him like it usually would, which disturbed him greatly.

“Logan, wait!”  Virgil pleaded, but it was too late.

“I said I was leaving, now fuck off and leave me alone” Logan hissed at him, the guilt still not reaching him.

Happy with this statement. Logan sunk out of the living room back to his room, leaving six shocked and petrified individuals behind.

“What just happened?” Thomas said to nobody in particular. 

“I do not know but it’s best to leave him alone, let’s just get this shit show over and done with” Virgil muttered, far too anxious about Logan to care about the video.

Logan what happened to you. Virgil thought. 

-

-

When Logan rose up into his bedroom he could not hold it in anymore. All of the pent-up frustration from being ignored for months became too much for the logical side, causing him to slam his fists into the nearest wall. However, without realizing it, Logan’s fist struck a family photo of all the sides surrounding a very happy Thomas. 

For some reason seeing the shattered photo frame on the floor and the glass sticking out of his broken skin caused something within him to break.

 For the first time in months, Logan allowed himself to cry out all of his frustrations. 

After what seemed like hours, Logan finally got up from his place on his bed. He noted that his eyes were swollen and his hand was covered in dry blood and bruises. He did not want to get up and clean his mistake, but he knew he had to because the others would ask questions and he did not want that. Logan did not want the other side’s sympathy. It was a little too late for them and Thomas to care about him but he had to stay because Thomas needed him. They needed him.

“Do they need you though, Logan? Come on, you’re just as useful as me right now and you know it.” A harsh voice sneered into the cold room. Logan immediately knew who it was. 

“Be quiet Orange, no matter how much Thomas tries to push me aside, I won’t leave because I am his logic, and Thomas needs his logical side. 

“Come on Logan deep down you know I am right, let me prove it to you”

“Let’s just say you were correct in your hypothesis, what happens after that?” Logan sneered. He was far too exhausted to deal with this right now, and he just wanted to sleep.

“Let me show you”

“If I trusted you I would be breaking trust with the others and Thomas and I cannot do that. Thomas’s welfare is my number one priority and I cannot cause any harm to them, no matter how much they have hurt me”

“Oh please Logan, Thomas has not given a shit about you since the beginning. Where is your video, Logan? All the other sides have an episode focused on them, even Remus! And Thomas hates the guy! Do something for yourself for once in your life and listen to me, I can make them listen to you but you have to trust me,” Orange whispered to Logan. Logan knew deep down that what orange was saying was correct, he did not just want to admit it to himself. Until now, that is.

“Fine, what do you have in mind?”

-

-

It has been approximately one hour since Logan had sunk out of the video, and Janus was getting worried. No matter how much he tried to get a hand on Logan and summon, he couldn’t. Logan was unreachable

The twins were arguing and Patton and Janus couldn't find a middle ground. Finally, they summoned Logan, needing an impartial side. But when he appears, something is different.

He was wearing a long-sleeve dress shirt, much fancier than usual. He had streaked eyeliner and his glasses were different. He was not wearing a tie.

“Logan? What happened?” Thomas asked, hesitant like he almost doesn’t want to know.

Patton had his hand to his mouth. He spoke up after a moment, “Logan, you look like… like a dark side. What did you do?”

Logan’s voice was quiet and soft like if he spoke too loud he might break. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t try to do this, I-” he cut himself off, taking a deep, steadying breath. “I have become obsolete.” His voice broke on the last word and he clamped his mouth shut.

“No, Logan!” Thomas immediately disagreed. “We need Logic!”

Logan nodded, eyes still trained on the floor. “Yes, you do need logic. But . . . you don’t want me”

And with that, Logan sank out for the second time that night, leaving nothing but a cloud of smoke that soon vanished, just like he did.

The others could not do anything but feel the burn within. 

What had they done?

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Turns of Phrase

Prompt: I'd like you to consider: all the sides in the mindscape have the "way too literal" problem, like for example, Virgil actually grows taller when his anxiety is heightened, Patton actually grows wings when Thomas has a 'heart aflutter', e.c.t. But Roman just has a huge stack of negative ones. Creative block, bruised ego, shackled creativity, e.c.t. And then there's h/c when somebody (Logan) sees 👀👀

Thanks for the prompt babe!

Read on Ao3

Warnings: self-doubt, self-esteem issues, Roman whump

Pairings: LAMP, DLAMP, DLAMPR, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count:  5722

 This is Roman’s fault. Really. It is. He’s the one who works the closest with the Imagination, which means he’s got control over how Thomas interacts with his own imagination, which means that he’s got control over how Thomas sees the Sides.

 So yeah. This is his fault.

‘Heart all aflutter.’ ‘Heightened anxiety.’ ‘Liar, liar, pants on fire.’ All the little innocuous phrases that are just turns of phrase, not supposed to be literal, well…they got into Thomas’s head when he was younger, and since, the Imagination has never quite gotten rid of them. Shouldn’t be too bad, right, this should be something they can deal with.

 And for the most part, they do.

Patton wears the hoodie tied around his shoulders to block the chill from the slits sewn in the back of all of his shirts in case the wings decide to pop out again. When they do, everyone crowds around to make sure he doesn’t fly off into the sky or accidentally twist one. The feathers are the softest things you can imagine and work great for stuffing pillows or plushies.

 Virgil’s clothes are made of stretchy, baggy material and the doorways are much, much higher than they need to be. There’s a special cupboard tucked high up in the pantry that just has Virgil’s comfort foods in them so he can reach comfortably when he’s tall.

 And, well…there’s a reason Janus wears such a long cloak.

 For the most part, these are just minor inconveniences. Listen, when you live in a completely imaginary world where you can summon anything you need and change anything you don’t like with a snap of your fingers, things like new clothes or snacks are easy.

 Then there’s Roman.

 Roman, who is tied most closely to the Imagination.

 Roman, who represents not just Creativity, but romance, motivation, desire.

 Roman. The Ego.

 The problem with throwing around these types of phrases is how easy it becomes to dismiss them. And for Thomas, who has a creative profession, that’s good. For Thomas.

 Not so good for Roman.

 “Hey, you’ve been having some trouble getting ideas out lately, you doing okay?”

 “Yeah, I’m just going through a bit of a creative block at the moment.”

 Roman’s fists ache as he pounds on the door, heaving sobs trailing off into hitched gasps as he slumps against the unyielding wood. As a desperate last resort, he throws himself at the door, barely making it shudder in its frame. It’s as if he weighs nothing, not an ounce, unable to make so much as a goddamn dent in the world around him.

 “Let me—let me out, please, let me out, I gotta—I want out,” he sobs, over and over, as his room grows smaller and smaller, the walls pressing in around him, blank, sterile, cold, “I wanna—out, let me out, let me out, let me out please—“

 He’s not even in his room anymore. He’s in a pure white cage, on the wrong side of a door that will not open.

 “Dude, like…reign it in a little bit.”

 “You sure?”

 “Yeah. That’s…like, way too much.”

 “I dunno, I think it feels weird if we weren’t doing this.”

 “C’mon, it won’t kill you to shackle your creativity a little.”

 Roman wakes up to the quiet clinking of metal against metal. He goes to wipe his face and a bolt of pain shoots through his arm. The shackles spread him so far his chest aches, wincing as he tries to turn just a little to avoid the rush of agony that would come from having his arm trapped in the wrong position. At least he was lying down this time, and he’s on his bed. He isn’t being forced to stand the whole time, strung up on the ceiling.

 They’re so cold.

 The shackles sap the warmth from his body bit by bit, draining it until the weight of the cold pressing down onto his chest is enough to make him gasp. On instinct, he pulls, trying to get a little more of himself wrapped up, warm, safe, but the chains barely make a groan as they wrench him back apart. He grits his teeth and holds still.

 He learned not to try and break these. He used to rage and slam against them like a brute, trying to pull their fastenings out of some mystical holder, embodied in his wall, only to come away with bleeding and scraped wrists from his pains, rubbed raw and chafed horribly by the cruel shackles.

 For the most part, he’s able to keep the others from noticing. They can’t hear a thing when he’s trapped in the creative block. He’s careful to always wear long sleeves to hide the scrapes and burns from the shackles. They don’t know the true extent of what happens to him when Thomas decides he doesn’t want his creativity.

 But he can’t hide all of them.

 ‘Bruised ego.’

 Patton knows. Patton somehow always figures things out and doesn’t tell anyone, least of all Roman. But sure enough, after the audition, Patton showed up outside of Roman’s door and knocked, quietly asking to be let in.

 Roman had let him, splattered as he was with blues and purples and greens and yellows, all the colors that didn’t belong to him, and yet here they were, painted on him. He’d kept his undershirt on, letting Patton feed him the soup that was sure to end with Roman lying on his back in the bathroom, panting, until the bowl had run dry and Roman’s smile had come back.

 After Patton had gone, the smile had slid off, the paint cracked and chipped. Roman had stood, leaning against the bed for stability, and made his way slowly, oh, so, slowly, to the bathroom.

 Getting his shirt off had been agony. Every time he moved skin had stretched, bruises had protested, even his muscles cried out. The undershirt was soaked in sweat and a light sheen had clung to Roman’s body as he stood there, panting, wincing in the mirror. He couldn’t look.

 That had been the last time it had gotten very bad. Very bad.

 They only ever seemed to notice when it was very bad.

 His prince costume hides the shackle marks. His undershirt hid the bruises. No one cared to look for him when he was trapped in the creative block. No one could see. No one wanted to see.

 No one knew.

 Roman’s been lucky lately.

 They’ve all been happening one at a time. The block never has shackles strapped to the wall. The shackles are never clasped around bruises spilling beneath his skin. The bruises are never from both beating on a door and from the outside world. He can deal with them if they’re like this. One at a time.

 He’s had a few close calls, though. He almost missed a meeting with Logan because the block had him trapped. It squeezed him so tight it felt as if he hadn’t any room to breathe, not until the door and opened a crack and he’d hurled himself out, panting harshly, rushing to Logan’s. He was caught at his desk recently too. The shackles had formed and dragged him over to the corner where he’d bitten his lip to try and stay quiet as he desperately tried to draw himself away. He’d accidentally made too grand a gesture and his sleeve had ridden up, exposing the edge of a mark or bruise and he’d have to pull it back down quick enough so that no one would notice. And so far, it’s worked.

 No one has noticed.

 And what would he say? That this is just some dumb stupid thing he has to deal with? The others know about this whole ‘taking things too literally problem,’ look at Patton, look at Virgil, look at Janus. They all understand and they receive the same amount of attention Roman does. Honestly, they’ve been receiving what they’re entitled to. Their stuff actually runs the risk of harming Thomas. Fire, wings, banging your head, sure, that’s fine, but they—look.

 Having your heart flutter signifies great emotions, the potential for love, you should pay attention to your emotions!

 Heightened anxiety? It’s not great! It means we should be listening to Virgil and what’s going on, what’s upsetting Thomas, how to help.

 And everyone should always be worried about spontaneously combusting pants.

And even if they did find out, what is Roman supposed to say? That it’s his fault they all have these issues? That Thomas’s psyche takes certain liberties with the hard-and-fast rules of what happens to metaphysical people? It’s his fault, after all, he’s the conduit. It’s fine. He can handle this stuff. It’s all fine.

 He should’ve known his luck would run out.

 Roman blinks awake to feel the walls pressing in on him, tighter, tighter, tighter. His breath catches in his throat.

 No.

 No, no, no, he’d been doing so well, so well, they’d just had a conversation about how he’d been so good, the ideas had been good, he’d had—he’d had so many he was ready to work on, he just needed to—

 Roman squeezes his eyes shut, racking his brain. He knows he has ideas. He had them a little while ago. It wasn’t that long. They can’t have vanished so quickly. Wait, what time is it? How did they—how long has he been here? What is—how long has it been? Have the others realized he’s here yet?

 What if they look for him and they think he won’t come out? What if they start to hate him because they can’t find him? What if he can never get out again? What if they realized they never needed him in the first place?

 He—he’s not wrong, he can’t be wrong, he has to be right, he has to—he has to find a way out of here.

 Quickly, Roman squeezes his eyes even tighter, mouth making random shapes as he tries to think. If he can just think of a really good idea, he’ll get out. If he just thinks, if he just does his job, if he’s really good he’ll get out. He can do this, he can do this, he can do this. He can—

  Clink, clink, clink.

 No.

 No!

 Roman snarls as the shackles encase his wrists, forcing to his knees, still crouched in this room that is too small, too pale, too awful. He lunges for the door as he hears the chains slowly start to tighten, their long lengths slipping over and over each other in coils.

 The chains pull taut and he’s suspended there, in the dank air, snarling like a mad dog at a door that is just out of his reach.

 For the first time in a long time, he slams against the chains, raging and bloody as he thrashes back and forth trying to just get to the door—

  Roman, you’re on thin fucking ice.

  Look I don’t wanna just hate a side but roman you royally fucked up bud

  Yeah I’m definitely mad at Roman

 Roman barely suppresses a whine when he realizes where the comments are coming from.

 His nose breaks open and blood pours down his face. His eyes swell and darken until he can only squint through it. One of his fingers breaks and the shackle pinches.

  Roman I have revoked your rights.

  Roman shut the FUCK UP challenge please

  After one line making fun of janus is enough to be cancelled, Roman

 Even without looking down, he knows red and purple are blooming across his ribs. Roman winces pain as he howls again, trying frantically to get to the door, he’ll wrench his arms out of their sockets if he needs to—

  I just hate roman!!! i don’t need a deep reason to hate roman, or anyone else

  oh boi did Princey drop to least favorite side REAL FUCKING QUICK

  It’s not that I don’t despise Roman he’s just never been my favourite. He’s too prideful, rude and while he does have his insecurities the way he hides them makes me uncomfortable since it’s at the expense of other characters. His treatment of the other sides is so awful.

 …is he really that awful? Is…does he…is this…

 Is this how it’s supposed to be?

  I'm gonna spread my anti-roman doctrine. Fuck Roman. Hate that man

  I genuinely hate Roman so. Fucking. Much. Like, can't stand him. Fuck him, I hate him

  It’s always roman-hating hours.

 A dry sob chokes its way out of Roman’s throat as he curls in on himself, another bruise leaving him gasping on the floor like a gutted fish. The chains let him fall to his knees, chest bared to the merciless door. He coughs. Blood flies out of his mouth and spittle drips down his chin. He coughs again. And again. And again. It hurts. Everything hurts.

 He coughs.

 The room presses in on him.

 The shackles trap him.

 Bruises bloom over his body.

 He coughs.

 This is all his fault, isn’t it? He’s the one in charge of the Imagination. He’s the one who makes sure the sides exist and can interact with Thomas. He’s the one who controls how they respond to turns of phrase.

 He’s the one who’s awful to the others. He’s the one who didn’t tell them the truth. He’s the one stuck in this room, in these chains, taking a beating from words and thoughts that he can’t see.

 This is his fault.

 And he doesn’t know if he can fix it.

 Roman gives up.

———————————————————

“Has anyone seen Roman?”

 Patton looks up from the floor as Virgil rolls over. “No, I haven’t. Virgil?”

 Virgil sniffs and shakes his head. “You asked Remus?”

 Logan frowns. “I can’t find them anywhere. Do you know if—“

 “Where the fuck is my brother?”

 “Nevermind, I found him,” Logan mumbles as he turns just fast enough to avoid Remus barreling into him. “I was just coming to ask you.”

 “He was supposed to meet me by the Imagination,” Remus says, bouncing up and down, “we were gonna go exploring. He hasn’t been by all day. Where are you hiding him?”

 “I’m not hiding him,” Virgil yawns, “and neither’s Pat.”

 “Nope! No princes here!”

 “Pocket Protector?”

 “No, I need to ask him about tomorrow.”

 “Ugh.” Remus throws himself down on the couch. “Where’s Snakey? Maybe he knows.”

 “What do I know?”

 “Ah.” Logan turns to see Janus striding out from the shadows near the staircase. “We seem to be unable to locate Roman.”

 Janus raises an eyebrow and flicks a speck of dust from his gloves. “What an unfortunate situation. My deepest apologies.”

 “So you don’t know where he is.”

 “Of course I don’t, why would I?” Janus rolls his eyes. “It’s not like you’ve checked everywhere for him.”

 Logan pinches the bridge of his nose. “Janus…please.”

 “Have any of you even tried his room?”

 “Of course we have, that’s where I looked first.”

 Janus shrugs. “Then I guess our little prince has wandered away. What a shame.”

 Virgil rolls his eyes. “Maybe he just stepped out for a minute. Why don’t you go look again, L, we’ll check down here.”

 “Oh, will we?”

 “J, I swear—“

 Logan quickly heads back up the stairs as Virgil and Janus start bickering. He turns the corner and is soon faced with Roman’s big red door. He reaches out to knock.

 “Roman? Are you in here?”

 Silence. Logan sighs and goes to turn away when he hears it.

 He stops.

 Goes back.

 “Roman?”

 He puts his ear to the door.

 A soft gasp.

“Roman, can you open the door please?”

 “L-L—Lo—“

 Logan swallows heavily. “Roman, I’m coming inside.”

 “L-Logan…”

 Logan pushes open the door.

 He can feel his face go sickly pale.

 Roman is lying on the ground, collapsed in a pool of what looks like blood. His face is swollen, his nose broken, his mouth barely forming the shapes to say Logan’s name. His prince costume is mangled. His wrists are rubbed raw. Even from this far away Logan can see the bruises forming all over his body.

 “Roman!”

 There are shouts from downstairs. The others are worried. Good. Logan’s going to need all the help he can get. He just has to move first.

 Oh, Roman…

 “L? L, what’s going on up there?”

 “First aid,” Logan gasps, then clears his throat, “we need the first aid kit! Roman’s hurt!”

 “What? How’d he—he hasn’t even been in the Imagination yet today!”

 “We can figure that out when we’re up there, Remus, go go go!”

 By the time the others are already rushing up the stairs, Logan has already crouched down next to Roman’s head, trying to figure out the best way to get him up, off the floor, or at the very least figure out what happened.

 “Stay with me, Roman,” he murmurs, petting Roman’s head as his other hand starts to carefully test where it might be hurting, “stay with me, come on…”

 “Lo? Lo, are you in here?”

 “No, wait, don’t—“

 Patton’s cry of dismay quickly followed by Virgil’s curse means he’s too late to warn them. Logan looks up to see their faces drop in absolute shock.

 “Where are the others?”

 “Uh…” Virgil tears his gaze away from Roman’s crumpled figure. “Remus said he…he has some stuff that would help.”

 “And I am of course more than eager to see what our favorite little prince has gotten himself into this time,” Janus drawls, still out of sight, “I’m positively brimming with anticipation.”

 Patton still hasn’t recovered. Virgil carefully takes the first aid kit from his hands and rushes it to Logan. An instant later, Janus appears in the doorway.

 “My, my, Patton, you look so startled, what could possibly…”

 Janus trails off as he finally spots Roman. His eyes widen as he takes in the bruises, the blood, the marks of what look like prison cuffs?

 “Oh, god…” Logan blinks and Janus is crouched beside them, his hands hovering over Roman’s broken form as he starts crooning to the prince.

 “Oh, honey, what happened to you,” he murmurs, his hands starting to pull away the fabric cutting into Roman’s throat, “you poor, poor thing…”

 “Got it.”

 Remus appears in a flash, crouching down as well as Janus and Logan start to help Roman unwind from the bloody mess he’s in. Logan glances over; it’s a kit that has more medical supplies than the first aid kit. Bandages, he can see antiseptic, surgical towels…

 He catches Remus’s eye and they exchange a nod.

 “Where does he need to go,” Janus asks as they start to get Roman upright, “you want him downstairs?”

 “Let’s get him to our bathroom, J,” Virgil suggests, carefully getting his arms around the prince’s shoulders.

 “Do you think it’s safe to sink with him?”

 “Presumably he had to sink out to get back to his room, but I’m not sure it would be wise.”

 “So we’ll carry him,” Virgil says firmly, “all of us.”

 As it turns out, Remus and Janus can help Virgil just fine. Logan snatches up Remus’s kit as Patton grabs the first aid kit, hustling down the corridor to keep up with the others.

 “Lo, what happened?”

 “I don’t know,” Logan mutters back, “but I…I don’t think it was…the Imagination’s been closed all day, hasn’t it?”

 “That’s what I thought too. You don’t think—“

 “I don’t know, Patton, I…”

 Patton’s firm grip on his arm speaks volumes as they finally get to the bathroom.

 The tile is already warm as the others carefully lay Roman down in the big place near the edge of the shower. Logan takes a moment to check what they might need.

 The bathroom is one big open space with a tub in one corner, a large walk-in shower area at the other, and two sinks with a wide counter. Patton and Remus have already started setting up the first aid kit as Janus pulls on a different pair of gloves. Virgil still has Roman’s head in his hands, murmuring softly to him.

 “Is he awake?”

 Virgil shakes his head as Logan sits down. “I can’t tell. He’s looking around but I—he’s not saying anything.”

 “That is not completely unexpected,” Logan murmurs, “we have to get him out of his clothes. They’re making it harder for him to breathe.”

 “Someone needs to stay by his head,” Remus calls, “in case he wakes up and starts freaking out.”

 “I’ve got him.” Sure enough, Janus slips two of his hands gently under Roman’s head as he unclips the back of his collar. “Shh, shh, easy, sweetie, you’re safe now.”

 Virgil scoots back and starts tugging on his hoodie strings. Patton, still hovering by the medical supplies, catches it.

 “Hey, Virge,” he says, shooting a quick nod at Logan, “why don’t we go make something to eat? Something small, and something to drink.”

 “Yeah…yeah that’s a good idea.”

 As the two of them leave, Remus kneels by Roman’s feet and curses. “We’re gonna have to cut them off.”

 “You mean cut the rest of them off,” Janus mutters, “what happened?”

 “You think I’m not beating myself up asking that same thing?”

 “We have to get Roman stable,” Logan says quickly, “and that means we have to see what—“

 “The damage is,” Remus growls.

 “Quite.”

 “Alright. Be careful by his wrists.”

 “We will.”

 “Jan if you drop his head I swear to—“

 “I won’t, I promise.”

 “…I know.”

 “You’re worried about your brother,” Logan whispers as they start peeling the clothes away, “we understand.”

 Janus keeps his promise, cradling Roman’s head as the work to get the rest of his prince costume off. Under any other circumstance, Logan admits this might actually be read as amusing. Peeling Roman out of his clothes, however, has never been less devastating.

 Every inch they pull back reveals more bruises. Roman’s torso is warm, throbbing, carpeted with horrible wounds. Every so often a piece will stick and Roman winces, prompting Janus to stroke his face carefully, murmuring reassurances that they’re here, everything’s okay, Roman’s safe now.

 Remus chucks bruise cream at Logan and they start, methodically applying the cream and bandages. Janus gives them an extra hand where they need it, while keeping up the constant litany of reassurances. Logan comes away confident that nothing is broken, just very badly bruised.

 “So what now?”

 “He has to rest.” Logan pulls off the gloves, running his hand over the ground to make sure they haven’t spilled anything. “I…I don’t know how long that will be.”

 “I don’t want to leave him.”

 They look around, eyes wide at the strangled whisper coming out of Remus. Remus stares down at Roman’s bruised form, thankfully clear of blood now, his hands trembling as they rest on his knees. Remus looks up at them, his eyes glistening.

 “The last time I left him like this it was bad.” He swallows and looks back down. “I’m not leaving my brother.”

 Logan looks at Roman. Brave, strong, sweet, kind Roman. Bruised, scared, exhausted, broken Roman. His hand tightens and without thinking he tucks a stray hair behind Roman’s ear.

 “He hates it when his hair is out of place,” he murmurs as Janus raises an eyebrow at him.

 “We’re not leaving our prince,” Janus says firmly, glancing back at Remus. “Would you like to come sit up here with us?”

 Remus shakes his head. “If something comes through that door trying to get him,” he says in a low voice that Logan has never heard before, “it’s going to have to get through me first.”

 Logan nods. They take up their watch. Remus’s hands twitch every so often, and Logan sees him lay his hand on an unbruised part of Roman’s ankle when they do with a tenderness that takes him a little aback. Janus can’t seem to stop running his hands through Roman’s hair, making comforting noises every time Roman winces as he breathes.

 Logan, well…Logan is trying desperately to figure out what happened.

  Roman hasn’t been in the Imagination today. Remus was waiting and he hadn’t seen him.

Roman hasn’t been seen by anyone else all day.

The last place Roman was seen was in his room.

No one else has been in Roman’s room today.

 “Logan,” Janus calls softly, “Logan, you’re shaking.”

 Logan looks down. Oh. So he is. He takes a deep breath and takes Janus’s offered hand. “I’m…thinking.”

 “About…?” Janus indicates Roman.

 He nods sharply. “I’m having trouble coming to anything but a most troubling conclusion.”

 “What?”

 Logan explains. Janus goes pale.

 “You don’t think…”

 “I don’t want to think that, no.”

 “R-ro-Bro,” Remus whispers, “oh, Ro-Bro, you gotta tell us something when you wake up.”

 He sniffles.

 “Please wake up, Ro-Bro. I gotta…I gotta kick your ass for blowing me off and getting into a fight without me, I gotta—you gotta tell me what kicked your ass so I can go put it in the fucking ground…” He sniffs again, his whole body tense, even as his hand remains gently on Roman. “You just gotta wake up, Ro.”

 After a little while longer, Virgil and Patton return carrying snacks and drinks. Remus doesn’t even look as Virgil sets his octopus water bottle at his elbow. Janus murmurs a thanks and eats a little. Logan eats and drains about half of his bottle. Virgil sits at Remus’s side, Patton at his other.

 “Has he woken up yet?”

 Remus shakes his head.

 “He’s probably just sleeping, Remus, he needs to rest.”

 “I know.”

 “Do we know what happened,” Virgil asks quietly, “at all?”

 Logan winces. “Well…”

 “…don’t like the way you said that.” Judging by Virgil’s expression, he likes it even less after Logan’s finished explaining.

 “Oh, shit.”

 Everyone’s gaze instantly snaps to Patton. Listen. Patton doesn’t curse. It’s a thing. When Patton curses it’s bad.

 “Patton?”

 “Roman…Roman has a thing,” Patton explains, “you know like…like my wings? Or how Virgil gets taller?”

 Virgil nods. “Yeah, okay, but those don’t…hurt us, why would Roman’s…”

 Janus is the next one to curse. “Of course…the bruised ego.”

 Patton nods sadly. “Roman takes, well, it’s not really his choice, Roman is forced to take the brunt of the negative reactions Thomas has. That’s part of his thing.”

 Logan’s eyes widen. “Wait, but if this has been happening since…well, since Thomas has had an ego, and we didn’t know about this, then…”

  How many times has this happened?

 Remus growls. “New rule: no one is allowed to fuck with Roman.”

 No one dares disagree. Logan scans over the injuries again. He frowns.

 “Hold on…some of these seem…consistent with that judgment, but then why…”

 A faint groaning sound snaps him out of his musings. A tense silence falls in the bathroom as Roman starts to stir in Janus’s hands.

 “Roman,” Logan calls softly, “Roman, can you hear me?”

 “L’gan?”

 “Yes, Roman, I’m right here. Don’t try and move too much right now, you’re very hurt.”

 Roman blinks up at them, his eyes focusing glassily on Janus, who smiles. He tucks another piece of hair away from Roman’s face.

 “Shh, shh, my prince, hold still,” he coos, “you’re awfully banged up, sweetie, just hold still…shh…”

 “J’nus? What’s…where is…” Roman’s face swivels back to Logan. “Where am I?”

 “You’re on the bathroom floor, Roman, we had to see to your injuries.”

 Roman’s eyes go wide and immediately all of them reach out to hold him still as he tries to move.

 “Shh, shh,” Janus shushes, “none of that now, sweetie, you’re hurt, calm down…”

 “I’m—I have to—“

 “You’re not going anywhere,” comes Remus’s voice from behind them.

 “Remus!”

 “What? He’s not!”

 “Yeah, but there’s no reason to scare the shit out of him.”

 “I can’t see,” Logan hears Roman’s frantic whisper as he turns to glance at the others, “I can’t—let me—“

 “Logan, is it safe for him to sit up?”

 Logan nods. “Just take it slow, nothing too fast. It will probably be the best if he can lean against someone.”

 “Jan—“

 “I’ve got you, sweetie, I’m not going anywhere.”

 When Roman is upright, his back against Janus’s chest, only then do Virgil and Patton relax the slightest bit. Remus doesn’t. Logan’s gaze switches anxiously between the two.

 “Remus—“ Roman swallows— “Re, are you—are you mad at me?”

 “A little.”

 Roman shrinks under Remus’s glare. “I’m sorry.”

 “Jeez, Ro, it’s not—I’m not mad at you like that,” Remus mumbles, “it’s mainly just—well, our thing is…you know, cat pile.”

 “You’re—you’re mad because you can’t lie on top of me right now?”

 “Yeah! It always makes you feel better! And now I can’t help you feel better!”

 “R-Re—“

 Remus lets out a wounded noise and surges forward, careful to avoid barreling into any of the others as he wraps his brother in a protective hug. Janus huffs lightly but stays upright. Roman’s eyes close and his head drops to rest against Remus’s.

 “I’m the only one allowed to fuck with you,” comes Remus’s muffled voice, “no one else.”

 “I know,” Roman whispers, “I know.”

 Logan swallows heavily. “Roman,” he prompts softly, “we aren’t mad at you. We won’t get angry with you.”

 “...promise?”

 “I promise.”

 “I promise.”

 “I promise.”

 “Promise.

Janus just squeezes Roman’s shoulder gently. “I promise too, sweetie. Now, will you tell us what happened?”

 “I, um…” Roman’s gaze flickers over to Patton. “Have you—um…”

 “I’ve told them a little, sweetheart,” Patton says when Roman can’t finish his sentence, “we’ve figured out the ‘bruised ego,’ is there anything else you’d like to tell us?”

 Roman nods. He turns his head back towards Remus, his face contorted. Logan carefully reaches out to ruffle his hair.

 “Take your time,” he whispers, “we’re not going anywhere.”

 “I have three,” Roman blurts out after a moment.

 “…three, honey?”

 “Patton has…the wings, Virgil has the height, Janus…Janus…”

 “Has the pants.”

 Janus lightly flicks Remus’s head, shaking his head fondly.

 “Are you saying you’ve got three turns of phrase, Princey?” Roman nods. “Okay. Is one of them ‘bruised ego?’”

 “Mhmm.”

 “Okay. Are you comfortable telling us the other two?”

 Goosebumps rise on Roman’s arms and Janus carefully positions them so Logan can help rub them away. Remus growls protectively and huddles closer.

 “…creative block,” Roman murmurs, only for Remus to tense. Remus raises his head slowly.

 “Ro-Bro?”

 “I, um, my room—my room shrinks and I—I can’t get out the door, I can’t move anything, I can’t breathe, I—“

 “Shh-shh-shh,” Janus soothes instantly, “you’re safe, my prince, you’re in the bathroom with us, you’re not there, you’re not there.”

 There are a few tense seconds of deep breaths.

 “…what’s the third one, Roman?”

 Roman looks at his wrists, turning them over as if he doesn’t recognize them. “…shackled creativity.”

 Patton clenches his fists as Virgil muffles another curse. Remus follows Roman’s gaze, the line of his shoulders growing tenser by the second. Janus carefully laces his fingers through one of Roman’s hands, Logan lacing his through the other.

 “Thank you for telling us, Roman,” he murmurs, “and…I do not know how much this is worth to you, but…we are so sorry this happens and that we could not do anything about it.”

 “It’s okay,” Roman murmurs, “it’s my own fault.”

 The bathroom falls silent.

 “…Roman, it’s not your fault.” Virgil scoots closer. “How—this isn’t your fault.”

 “Isn’t it? I’m the one that’s the closest to the Imagination,” Roman says softly, completely convinced of what he’s saying, “I’m the one that makes it possible for Thomas to see us…the Sides, the Imagination…isn’t that my job?”

 “Not like that,” Logan says firmly, “never like this.”

 “Logan’s right,” Virgil says when it looks like Roman’s about to argue, “you’re the conduit for the Imagination, but you’re not responsible for everything that this place does, let alone how Thomas interprets and internalizes stuff.”

 “None of this is you, Roman.” Janus rests his cheek against the top of Roman’s head. “None of it. It’s not Patton’s fault he grows wings, it’s not Virgil’s fault he grows taller, and it’s not your fault that this happens to you.”

 “You’re missing someone off the list there, Jan-Jan.”

 “Remus, I swear to god—“

 Remus cackles, throwing his head back as Janus swats at him. Of course, the problem is that they all try and look mildly annoyed at Remus, and yet the instant it makes Roman giggle, even a little, they all have to break character because Roman’s smiling again.

 “Seriously, Ro-Bro,” Remus says after a moment, “this isn’t on you. You don’t deserve this or some other fucked-up shit. This is fucked up all on its own. You’re not responsible for this.”

 “We’ll talk to Thomas,” Logan says, “about…negative feedback and internalizing things, alright? This isn’t healthy, Roman, it’s not—it’s not supposed to be like this, and it’s definitely not your fault.”

 “…okay.”

 “Can you say that for me, sweetie,” Janus coaxes, reaching around to cup Roman’s face, “that it’s not your fault?”

 “I-it’s not—“

 Roman stops. Swallows heavily.

 “Go on, my prince, you can do it.”

 “…I-it’s not my fault.”

 “Good.”

 “It isn’t my fault.” Roman’s eyes go wide and something hitches in his throat. “It is—isn’t—I—oh, god—“

 They catch Roman as he starts to cry.

 “You did so well, sweetheart, so well, I’m so proud of you.”

 “It’s okay, Princey, it’s gonna be okay.”

 “I’ve got you, my prince, I have you.”

 “You’re gonna be fine, Ro-Bro, I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”

 “You don’t have to do this alone, Roman.”

 Roman rests there, in the arms of his family, bruised and exhausted, but not broken.

 Not anymore.

General Taglist: @frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes @iminyourfandom @bullet-tothefeels @full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83 @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious  @firefinch-ember @fandomssaremysoul @im-an-anxious-wreck @crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch @enby-ralsei @unicornssunflowersandstuff @wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams @averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @private-snippers @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @such-a-dumbass

If you want to be added/taken off the taglist let me know!

[imma-potatoo]

Im not sure if you take requests but if you do can I please have some angsty janus HC? if not im sorry for bothering you. have a nice day!

First of all, you aren't bothering me, I love it when people ask about my headcanons. And secondly, *shocked* I'm being ASKED to share my angst?!

We're gonna be here for a while

He picks/scratches at his skin,

he doesn't really know why he does it, but he often spends full nights scratching his arms, chest, and legs. But NEVER at his neck or face, the other sides can see that. It's normally targeted at his scaled half, but he does scratch at the human side too

The scratches typically run very deep, there's a lot of blood, and Janus doesn't always have access to a medkit

Janus is the youngest out of all the sides, around 21-24, but he never really got to have the full childhood that he was supposed to

Virgil is the oldest of the sides, and when they were younger he was around a lot, basically playing mother hen. But once Janus turned 10 or so, Virgil stopped spending as much time with him and Remus

So Janus had to grow up quick. He learned how to cook (not very well, but food is food), spent most of his time reeling Remus in (who is around 15 at this time), and delivering food to Virgil's door, trying to get him to come out

At the end of the day, Janus was too tired to play, read, or do anything really. He just went to bed.

So young Janus' schedule was;

wake up, make Remus/Virgil food, force Remus to eat the food, attempt to keep the house from a disaster fire from Remus, make lunch, talk to Virgil through his door, more babysitting of Remus, make dinner, send Remus to bed, clean up, go to sleep

Hardly time for playing in there

To this day, if you hand him a toy, he'll simply stare at you with wide eyes

Janus can tell when people tell lies

They don't taste nice or anything, he can't even taste them at all. The lies are revealed with a sharp stabbing pain to his chest

Similar to a heart attack.. But worse.. So much worse.

Imagine if you took a long knife, and stabbed it repeatedly, over and over for hours, breathing faulting, and the entire room starts to spin. It hurts

Now imagine that you have to keep a straight face during this pain or get strange looks and get told you're faking

Janus has gotten a little too used to that stabbing pain

Everytime that Janus stumbled in SvS? That was him trying to hide the pain

The dark side is cold, really cold, like Canadian winter cold. But the darks don't have central heating

It's sadly very common for Remus to find Janus passed out, near hypothermic, in random places in their own home

The dark sides home is... a lot less pleasant then someone would prefer. It looks like a prison with concrete walls and floors, bars cover the windows, and the backyard is completely fenced in with 15ft+ high fences.

The sides rooms move when Thomas is willing to accept that they're a part of him and that he needs to work with them

Remus' room moved back in DWIT, because Thomas accepted that he's there and that he can't get rid of him

Janus is still stuck in the dark. Thomas has given him a chance, but he's not completely accepted that he's needed yet

Janus can often be found passed out on the light side's couch, simply because his room is far too cold

Virgil almost always finds him first, he doesn't like Janus by any means, but he knows first hand that the dark half is cold, so he normally just throws a heated blanket over him and calls it a day

Janus is always gone before Virgil can talk to him

His shepards crook is actually a cane

He had to start using it right after Virgil left, Remus ran off to the imagination and Janus chased after him. He ended up getting cornered by a monster, and it punctured his knee almost clean through

Remus only found him because he was screaming so loud. Roman could hear it from his half of the imagination, but thought it was an animal and didn't bother to investigate

Even as an adult, his sleep schedule is horrible

He's coldblooded, makes the dark half so much worse

The closest thing that he's ever had for a friend (when he was younger) was Logan. They would watch documentaries together and talk about them for a bit

Those stopped when Janus had to take care of Remus

Remus is his friend now, but he still spends most of his time looking after him and making sure that he's eating (he tends to forget that he needs to eat)

Remus goes back to the dark half everyday to spend time with Janus

Janus is a really bad cook, he can make half burnt grilled cheese and pasta. Thats about it. It's not from lack of effort really

The other sides are genuinely concerned for his health and well-being. Everytime he shows up he seems paler, his eye bags are larger, and his clothes hang off of him

Janus doesn't actually believe them when they say that they want to help though

Janus gets maybe two hours of sleep daily

He spends the entirety of his free time trying to help Thomas

He would drink coffee to help him stay awake and productive, but he hates the taste of it

The others grow more and more concerned everytime he passes out. Which is a lot. Janus always brushes it off though

Logan is the only one who doesn't believe him

He remembers what Janus was like when they were younger, and it was NOTHING like how Janus acts now. They're completely different.

The Orange side made him show up and impersonate the other sides. The only time that he showed up willingly was in POF

He honestly doesn't know what he did to make Virgil hate him, nor does he know why Virgil locked himself away when he was 10

Janus is angry, he's angry that he had to grow up quickly, he's angry that Virgil abandoned him, he's angry that Remus needs to be constantly supervised, he's angry at Orange, he's angry at himself. He's angry. But doesn't have the energy to do anything

He cries himself to sleep a lot more then you would think

Touch starved. Completely touch starved. He breaks down completely when someone touches his wrist

You would think that self preservation would have better self care, but no. He's really bad at it. The closest he gets is getting 4 hours of sleep instead of the normal 2

Even after Remus left, he spends all of his time trying to help Thomas... Only to get pushed to the side

He normally completely forgets to eat food and only remembers when he's on the verge of passing out

He's gotten super good at makeup to hide the red streaks from crying so much

He loves snakes, but can't own one in the dark half because the temperature would put them in extreme pain or even kill it. Janus doesn't want to put the poor creature in suffering

The only toy he still has from childhood is a stuffed snake, but even that has had extreme mending

He sewed his entire outfit himself, and he was quite proud of it! Every time another side insults it, he withers a bit inside

The other sides have tried to stage an intervention so many times, but Janus can somehow avoid them everytime

He doesn't want their pity, because thats what he thinks it is, pity.

T r u s t I s s u e s

Lots of trust and abandonment issues

He has talked to Emile, but he has a hard time trusting him

Completely avoids Patton. Completely.

You can occasionally see him out of the corner of your eye in the common rooms, but the second you turn around he's gone

He's short as hell

His hair is like curly fries. Complete ringlets. But he hates them, hense the hat

He hates it when the others steal the hat

Everytime they insult his scales, he dies a little inside

Let me know if you want more :)

[loganslowdown4]

Another breakdown??

YES OF COURSE!!!

Gotta figure these dark sides out!

Here my breakdown of what JANUS had to say…

(And trying to reverse every lie wasn’t easy, because some of it was the COMPLETE TRUTH…) 👀

So Janus thinks that every meeting they have makes everyone more and more miserable lol, the petty sarcasm is TOO GOOD

I mean, in a sense, he’s not wrong. The last couple episodes have ended on more sour notes than sweet. Or bittersweet. But he does have a tendency to drum up more bad than good, as per where the story is headed.

He thinks that Patton doesns’t make good decisions and that Logan makes too many mistakes. Oh all criticisms and no solutions, are you? Mr Snakeman? This guy…

Janus considers himself Voltaire to Roman’s Rousseau. Voltaire and Rousseau were French philosophers who hated each other and their opposing ideals. Voltaire believed that through education and reason, people could separate themselves from ‘the beasts’ and be individuals, free thinkers and live above others as higher beings, that we earned that right. Where Rousseau loved mankind and thought Voltaire’s particular ideals are what made people corrupted, that we as individuals should see ourselves as equals to each other.

Yeah, that’s pretty much Janus and Roman right there 😁

He pokes fun at Virgil’s makeup, Virgil proceeds to lose his mind pfftttt

Actually, its telling that Janus doesn’t have much to say about Virgil because ANY AND ALL THOUGHTS on him would be a huge frickin’ spoiler for the finale. So he pokes fun at something arbitrary and we’re just supposed to let it slip by?? No nonono, I still need answers!

I mean, he says he mistook Patton for a garbage can but you could argue that was a lie. In fact, I did argue that point here.

Jan and Ree hanging out in their downtime? This is probably the best well-known, well-speculated theories confirmed! I mean we’ve all guessed that they hang out together but it hasn’t been confirmed until now. And sneaking into Patton’s room to play DDR?? I may have screamed 😂

He hates it that he still hasn’t had a song! Haha! And apart from Roman, he’s the biggest theatre nerd in the mind palace so this is a friggin’ TRAVESTY. Guess who’ll probably get a song in the season finale? 👀

Janus is normally very composed, but when he’s pissed off? Oof, his smooth composure and classiness go flying out the window. So you KNOW when he’s mad he’s telling the truth 😏😂 Good to know at least someone (Vee) can get under his skin lol

He implies Sacajawea is under his hat, then denies it, then breaks the 4th wall again? I’m starting to think that Janus is actually a softy underneath all that double speak and layers of concealment, like he really does have the hamster under his hat because he loves her and won’t let anyone else have her 😄

Side note (hah): I just realized this is the most, I think, Janus has ever revealed about himself personally in any canon episode yet 👀

Janus disguises himself as Patton and says he regrets his attention to detail in the past. And I’ve said this before, but the next time Jan decides to impersonate one of them, we won’t be able to tell. At all. He will listen in and add his two cents and influence conversations all while being undetected. It’s what Roman told him he had to do when he impersonated Logan the first time. When he impersonated Logan the second time, he wasn’t detected at all until he revealed himself. So yeah, snake boi is getting better. And that’s more than a little scary…

So what’s next according to Jan? He says heartbreak, betrayal and not being bored. And the interesting thing here? He’s not lying, you can tell by the straightforward way he says everything.

Heartbreak? I think this is referring to Patton and Roman having some issues with Nico. It’s also possible that Janus is going to be the catalyst for the group causing heartbreak for each other. Actually, funny this makes me think of Yoko Ono. Everyone blamed her for breaking up the Beatles, but the truth is she was just there. They broke themselves up with their long time disagreements and squabbling, and their egos just got too big for it to be about the music anymore. No one could agree on anything. All it takes is a few words to plant a seed of doubt and they would do the rest themselves. 👀👀

Betrayal? You know what I said about they still haven’t dealt with how Virgil was a former dark side? You might want to check out what I said about Virgil yesterday… 👀 Could be insightful.

Not being bored? Jan and Remus are at your service to keep things fun. And oh the fun they will have! 😏

So that’s the long and short of it-

BY THE WAY, is it me, or was Janus’ light bulb dimmer and more yellow than everyone else’s?? That was really weird lol

Anyway! That’s all I have for Janus! There was way too much in this video, I am having SO MUCH FUN

Last but not least, trash boi tomorrow!

Check out my previous analyses on Logan Patton Roman Virgil Remus

Tagged: @lordiedams

[plume-pigmented-pili]

I need more Among Us sanders sides content so i’m making it myself:

The sides suit colors, hats, and how they’d play - Tag yourself if you want lmao

Logan -

Dark Blue suit, doesn’t wear a hat, but if he weren’t worried about being taken seriously he’d wear the cherry hat as it reminds him of crofter’s.

analyzes all evidence before coming to any conclusions

feels like nobody else is taking this seriously

asks for alibis every vote round

gets tasks done as efficiently as possible

will be in security or admin after finished with tasks

evidence based only; doesn’t assign anyone as ‘sus’ without reason

Has ‘sus’ on a flash card probably

wins as imposter every time

surprisingly good at the art of deception

Roman -

White suit, paid 2.99 for the crown hat and doesn’t regret it one bit

fumbles through tasks but is surprisingly efficient

judges everybody’s every moment for suspicious activity

Will blame someone simply for standing still too long

Bad at discussions (I.e. asks too many questions and looks sus)

almost always voted out first

doesn’t like being imposter

rlly bad at lying

always keeping an eye out

Virgil -

Purple suit, doesn’t wear a hat but likes the alien dog pet

Weary of everything and everyone

gets tasks done last usually (for that last reason)

Good at detecting lies and deducing

has biases tho

definitely a smart ass in chat

“How do I vent like Green did”

is very well trusted actually

enjoys being imposter and is surprisingly good at it

refuses to go into electrical until the very end or unless absolutely necessary

Often teams with Roman in making wild accusations (and to try and eliminate Janus)

“idk Janus sus” “why?” “followed me in admin” “everyone went into admin.” “still sus”

gets nervous when he doesn’t see other people for too long

Patton -

Cyan suit, uses crewmate hat and mini crewmate pet (“aww look! I have 2 kiddos!!), gets sad if he dies and leaves his mini crewmate sitting alone tho

trusts everyone way too easily

sees the merit in being imposter but refuses to play as imposter anyway

because of this, nobody ever suspects him or tries to vote him out

If Patton says he saw someone in a vent or over a body, everyone believes him. imposters do their best to stay away from him because of this

Roman tags along with him ‘to keep him safe’ (but it’s also because Romans feels safer around other people, Patton knows this)

volunteers to go into electrical with Virgil

tries to use his free time gathering evidence for Logan, even if he’s not great at it

has a bit of a sus biased toward Remus but pretty much everyone else does too so

usually gets killed pretty quickly but continues his tasks anyways

usually has to break up arguments in chat

“We’re here to have fun!”

Remus -

Lime Green suit, switches between toilet paper, egg, plunger, banana peel, and cheese hats (it’s always random)

is happiest as imposter

bad at lying but really good at just f*cking with peoples heads

kills Logan first as imposter

still acts like imposter even when his a crew member

follows people around to make them nervous

would team with imposter if he could

forgets to do his tasks often but still does them

likes the kill animations

sometimes he hits emergency meeting just to be an ass

Remus was kicked by Logan S.

Janus -

Yellow suit, wears black roundy hat and sometimes the yellow party hat

Favorites being imposter over crewmember but equally good at both

always decides to kill Patton first as imposter, since he’s the easiest target and a liability, but never actually goes through with it

likes doing tasks alone but doesn’t have an issue if Patton follows him

hated anyone else following him unless he knows for a fact they’re innocent, and even then he’s not a fan

like Logan, he gets tasks done asap

unlike Logan, he doesn’t like sitting in security. It makes him vulnerable, as he would say

despises the admin card swipe

after he finishes tasks, he keeps close tabs on everyone and is always moving

Either the first to die or the last to die, no in between

has a knack for steering the conversation in the direction he wants it to go (Virgil can almost always see through it tho)

while he likes to use reason when finding the imposter, he also has the tendency to use pure speculation as grounds for his accusations. He hides this well

avoids Virgil like the plague

[lovelivingmydreams]

What is a happy ending?

So someone (looks sternly at @rondoel) thought giving me insight in a certain OC of theirs and making me feel things is an okay thing to do. That I won't proceed to write a heartbreaking epilogue to my two part Virgil king story. This one not as long. But still. Enjoy:

What is a happy ending?

"Why happily ever after?" King wondered aloud as He studied their latest piece of art.

No one had ever answered that question for Him. Not in a meaningful way at least. And it never truly stopped bothering Him.

"Your majesty?" Anxiety asked carefully. Probably not sure if he had been meant to hear. King wasn't so sure Himself.

Oh well. He might as well finish the thought. Something interesting might come from it.

"Happily ever after. It's so... boring. Why does everyone like it so much?" He had wondered so often...

Anxiety shrugged. "Princey loved that crap. He hated it when I called out the flaws, though he could be just as bad with plot holes.

It's not realistic at all and... well boring is one word for it." His tone and face could almost be mistaken for dismissive, but King could swear He spotted fondness in the upturn of Anxiety's mouth and a slight wistfulness in the shine of his eyes.

King however was more interested in this more nuanced perspective on the story trope. Answers at last?

Anxiety noticed his king desired for him to elaborate and immediately started fidgeting as he tried to find the words to express his thoughts sufficiently.

"I suppose... everyone thinks that's what they want?" His nerves turn the sentence into a question. "When they are little it's an easy goal. You find the one who'll make you whole, or defeat the villain, or both. And then nothing ever bothers you again.

It's not how life works though... and growing up... I think everyone still has a part of them that wants to hold on to things being that... simple..." Anxiety trailed off and looked up at king curiously. His face strangely focused as if he was looking for an answer himself.

"Simple?" King urged wanting to hear more. Anxiety was so close to making sense. So close to bringing about that wonderful feeling when curiosity was sated. A story complete at last.

"Um... yeah... I mean even I feel a little... I don’t know... it feels right?

When you do the right thing, even when it's hard and you get the stuff you want anyway. And when people who hurt you don’t win. You want the world to work like that. If not for you then at least for the servant girl, who just wanted a night off, or the waitress who just wanted to buy her father's dream restaurant. Hard work, kindness, patience... they should be rewarded right?" Anxiety explained. Sounding frustrated. "And..." he let out a resigned sigh before straightening up and continued more decidedly. "Since the world doesn't work that way... why not escape somewhere where it does?" It was passionate. Perhaps in defense of Roman's favorite thing in the world. Then that fight and righteous defiance fell away in favor of a nostalgic fondness. "Thomas did it all the time growing up," Anxiety sighed before returning his attention to the painting that had prompted the question. A Father's Day movie night.

Hugs and snacks and movies with happily ever afters galore. All of Morality's favorite things.

King had to admit it had... stung to discover that Morality had taken up the role He'd given him even after he betrayed everything that title stood for.

Had he ever felt even the slightest bit conflicted when hearing Roman calling him 'Padre'?

Or was it supposed to be fine, since he thought Roman was the only half of Him who felt attached to him that way?

Had it truly never occurred to him that while he took in the confused Roman, he left behind a disoriented and heartbroken Remus who didn't understand why daddy was ignoring him.

What had he done wrong?

Why did he never get bedtime stories or hugs from dad? Why was he shoved away, scolded, ignored?

Why was he not allowed to play in the imagination with his brother?

The last thought had plagued both halves for years.

Even Roman who had stopped admitting to it to please Morality felt conflicted during story times and hugs to this day.

Telling Thomas that he didn't want anything to do with his brother had hurt more than the bump on his head...

But all of that was in the past. They were gone and their unresolved issues were a waste of His time. He had berated, tormented, Anxiety over this. He would not fall victim to such sentimentalities Himself.

"I see... escapism then?" He muttered, trying to get back on topic and not to show the... somewhat emotional turn His thoughts had taken.

Like His halves, His 'Padre' was gone. He probably never existed in the first place.

And Morality would pay for that betrayal and the way he abandoned Remus and how he made Roman fight to earn his love, only to abandon him as well. His suffering had only just begun.

Not because it still mattered. But... any excuse to justify and fuel His wrath even a little bit more was good enough for Him.

He'd probably avenge slights against his minister simply to feign kinship and watch the traitors squirm under his rule just a bit more. Not that he needed a reason to do anything. But justified rage was so much more satisfying to set loose. Because the targets would feel, deep down, they brought this upon themselves.

"Yeah... there's enough crappy stuff going on in the world right? Thomas... wants to use his talents to make people smile. And while that's cheesy, it's also... well it's him," Anxiety shrugged. King hummed in agreement as He framed the picture and put it away. He'd barely paid attention honestly. The answer was satisfactory. But there was a new question on His mind. As He mused over His minister's attachments to His enemies and how to sever them He recalled something intriguing about his recent behavior.

Anxiety had been pulling away from Morality. Why? What had caused a crack in 'the bestest most dynamicest duoest duo'?

And was this something he could use to forge an allegiance. Or to hurt Morality as deeply as He'd been hurt. Or, ideally, both?

King smirked to Himself as He laid a gentle hand on Anxiety's shoulder. He asked about a drawing of the young side and Thomas. He was pleased to note that His minister no longer shrank away every time He moved in his general direction. He might not be comfortable with His touch yet, but he was getting used to it. Something that would surely get to the others who still tiptoed around Anxiety's boundaries.

Maybe, at some point, he could be made to truly see things His way. To see the traitors for the villains they were. Just the thought of the chaos that this realization would unleash... It would be magnificent.

Morality had forgotten something important about 'happily ever after's.

Bad guys don’t get them. And the victor is always the hero.

It was only right that King reminded him of the shadow side of his favourite ending.

By making him live it.

Virgil knew that it was a bad thing that he found himself enjoying talking about his memories to the king and watching them turn into pretty cool paintings.

He was Anxiety, this was definitely a crisis. He can't relax now, not around the reason of said crisis... but if he doesn't relax a little his thoughts might do something really bad. And if he doesn't do whatever the king wants, then the king might do something bad.

So he had to balance on this weird edge of anxious, but cool with it.

The others were counting on him. To stay safe, to keep it together, to keep King distracted, to find a way to get him to lay off a little...

"Worthless." And... the thing is back.

"Dude, seriously, not now!" He snapped at his... shadow.

King just looked on intrigued. Great. Now the shadow had King's attention.

"Failure," it hissed. Right... King is not his biggest problem right now.

So far the shadow had only been mildly annoying even quiet for the most part. But clearly anxious thoughts made it remember it could be a pain in the behind. And worst thing is it got to Virgil even more because it laid out his true fears for King to see and use against him.

"You... you are just... you're just a thought. You can't hurt me." Virgil insisted.

Thomas could deal with his irrational fits. Surely he could manage this thing, right?

"Monsssster," the shadow hissed. No he didn't think that anymore!

"Guardian!" Virgil bit back. Patton said so, Logan said so, Roman said so, Thomas said so... why cant he just believe them?

He found himself struggling to breath again. The thoughts... they were real now... what if they could hurt him...? Can he die? What would happen to Thomas?

"Begone!" Virgil snapped out of his near attack at the sudden outburst from King.

What...?

He looked up just in time to see a flash of metal and shadow's dissolving figure.

"It'll reform later," King muttered as he sheeted his sword.

"It became too bothersome. You should not let your creations have power over you young one. You are their master, don't forget that," he instructed calmly, not looking at him.

Did he just...?

"Return to your business now, I find that I am in need of a break," he then declared as he walked away, still not looking back.

"But..." he came to a halt. "Should you wish to finish our gallery... I might be willing to indulge your presence later."

Virgil didn't quiet know what to do, so he bowed, just in case the king could see it somehow. "Y-yes my king. Thank you," he stammered hurriedly.

When he looked up, the king was gone.

And Virgil ran. He needed to find Lo and Pat before the shadows returned.

His thoughts were a confused mess... he hadn't imagined that right?

King had really stepped in to save him instead of letting Virgil's punishment, gift, curse, whatever run its course...

And then he left it up to Virgil to decide if and when they'd finish up.

There was probably some messed up reason behind it... but still.

Virgil wasn't stupid though. Even if saving him had been a purely noble impulse, King hadn't undone his 'gift' to make sure it wouldn't happen again. Telling him to put his foot down with 'his own creations' didn't really count.

King still messed up real bad and would have to do something pretty impressive to make up for all of that.

And Virgil was pretty sure that it wasn't just his pessimism talking when he thought that the king was no where close to wanting to make nice with any of them.

Or not for the right reasons anyway.

He shook his head. He can worry about all that later. Right now he has to find the others. Before King runs into one of them.

Virgil's trip down memory lane might've been deemed 'entertaining' or whatever, but he hadn't be around for whatever had happened to make the king be out for blood in the first place.

He didn't want to find out what King's idea of 'having fun' was when it came to Pat, Lo or even Janus. Whatever they did, it was still his duty to protect Thomas. Physically, socially, mentally and emotionally. Whether he wanted him to or not.

And not even King was going to stop him from fulfilling his purpose.

@antiredhuman you wanted to be tagged if I wrote more for this au so here you go! Hope you like it!

[anxiouslyfred]

Janus Parents Who?

for @dukexietyweek‘s day 4 prompt ‘parents’

Summary: Remus and Virgil know they aren’t brothers, despite both thinking of Janus as their Dad. The argument over whose dad Janus actually is carries on through their childhoods, reconciling when Thomas accepts all his sides and eventually starting to Date. Janus just hopes there’s a final resolution to be found because the screaming is over dramatic.

Warnings: Caps Lock Screaming, arguments, spider mention,

/\/\

Janus had come out of his room some time after yelling had broken out. He knew from the start that raising and looking after Remus and Virgil would be a challenge, but had also realised within a few arguments of theirs that intervening at the beginning would only lengthen how long they might disagree for.

“Well now, you two seem to be perfectly at peace with each other. Whom shall I thank for the relaxing evening?” He got their attention in an instant, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“We aren't BROTHERS!” Remus screamed, flinging an arm towards Virgil in accusation. “You're MY DAD! Not HIS!”

“Janus was my Dad first. That means you're the adopted one!” Virgil hissed back, moving to tug on one of Janus's arms, eyes pleading for his side to be taken.

That was clearly the worst thing Janus could do. Taking either side would be bad, but letting Remus feel rejected so soon after losing his brother and the complete rejection of Thomas knowing him could quite possibly destroy what control he'd maintained.

“When did you two decide that you aren't brothers? So far as I was aware I have 2 children to look after and oh, look at this, there are 2 children living with me.” Janus played surprised, counting his fingers and then the other sides in the room. “We all know that no matter what my role is, mathematics doesn't lie.”

Today he would work soft words to calm the boys down, and try to figure out just why they no longer believed themselves to be brothers. Hopefully tomorrow he would know how to resolve the argument properly.

/jrv\

It had been a long time since Janus had seen that specific glare on Remus's face and despite the urgent summons from Patton that had brought him there, he was very tempted to just fetch something from the kitchen before going to hide.

“Janus is my Dad. You can't Have Him!” Remus growled out, and yep, the glare was for exactly the same reason it always had been. That sounded like Virgil had mentioned liking having him as a Dad once more so their old feud was beginning all over again.

“Dude, it was Roman who said Janus acts like my Dad and he's always been that to me anyway. You can't dictate who my Parent is.” Virgil had almost hit Roman in the gesture towards him while glaring at Remus.

Patton was already hurrying over, ever ready to try calming down any argument. “Come on kiddo's. Being a Dad to one person doesn't mean you can't be to someone else. I thought you liked each other now so why not try-”

“WE AREN'T BROTHERS!” Janus had yanked his hat down to cover his ears just in time to muffle the combined scream of Remus and Virgil. He'd still never got a good explanation over why that decision was made but had learnt a million times over not to question it.

“Yes, that's been blatantly obvious as long as I've know you both. You're as different as Roman and Remus, I'm sure.” Janus drawled, mostly just to get the attention away from Patton before he tried again to suggest they could be.

It was almost too predictable that both sides he'd raised immediately gestured to the other angrily. “Tell him I'm your son and he isn't!”

“Hang on, Remus is my brother. Should I be included in this argument or not?” Roman's question only caused more arguing between Virgil and Remus, things Janus had heard them say a million times.

Only after Logan had emerged wondering what all the noise was about did Janus realise the vehemence wasn't in the argument any more. It was almost like the pair were just arguing over who he was a parent to as a way to reconnect with each other. Perhaps he wouldn't ask Patton what to tell them about who he was a parent to; not just yet anyway.

/VJR\

Remus and Virgil starting to date should have settled the issue.

Seriously, Janus could not believe that they still wanted to know who he was a true parent to after all this time and was honestly convinced that no side was actually a parent to any other. It wouldn't make sense for there to be parental relationships among the sides, given they were all just parts of what made up Thomas Sanders.

One thing was clear though and that between Roman, Remus and Virgil there had been an agreement struck that they were the children of the family and all children must have parents. Perhaps it was something to do with how they used the imagination to create and resolve situations or something, but the trio were resolute. If only they could be equally resolute on who was their assigned parents.

“JANUS IS MY DAD! PRODIGAL SON IF YOUR GOING TO QUOTE THE FUCKING BIBLE AT ME!!” Virgil's scream broke through what had been a quiet afternoon as he stormed out of his room and down into the living room.

Remus was already giving chase though. “MINE! At least I stuck with him and listen to the rules he makes!”

“That doesn't make you his son, it makes you a fucking suck-up!”Virgil hissed back. “Besides families have arguments sometimes. Don't try to claim otherwise cause I've seen how you react to your dearest brother.”

As ever when Roman was mentioned in a vaguely complimentary way he spoke up, “Well how about that, I already have a Dad, so maybe Janus actually is Virgil's dad after all.”

Only a beat of silenced passed before Remus was screaming, wailing almost over being the rejected son, abandoned at birth, with Virgil wrapped around him and glaring for anybody to agree with Roman.

“No no no, Octospider, you weren't. You were always loved and I can't imagine anybody doing something like that. Janus must be your Dad, cause nobody could bare to lose a wonderful gremlin like you.” The crooning words made all the other sides, now all present after hearing the screams, freeze.

Patton had been moving forwards at Roman's reasoning to agree and make some dad jokes to try and finally settle the ongoing dispute, never thinking about what that would mean given the divide split the sides for most of Thomas's life. Now he could only hope Roman had some other idea that would calm them both down whenever the brother comment was actually questioned and glanced to Janus to check how he'd taken Virgil's change of heart.

Janus had already moved to join Virgil in holding Remus, “There we go Darling. I'm your Dad, and have always kept you with me. Nobody has been rejecting you here, just hoarding your madness all for myself. It was far to precious to even dream of sharing when you were younger.”

“B-b-b-But Patton Hates me and he's Roman's Dad, how – how can I be yours when my brother is his?” Remus managed to ask, burying himself in Virgil's hoodie after asking the question. It looked like there could be tentacles as well as arms tying Remus to his boyfriend as he continued to wail.

“Must have been a really messy break up, I guess. We're like Parent Swap twins. Janus and Patton had such a big falling out they each took one of us and vowed to never see each other again.” Roman mused, nodding encouragingly at the questioning glances he got from the 3 other sides still standing.

Virgil's arms tightened then, his eyeshadow lengthening on his face, even as he kept up soothing strokes over Remus's back. “So I was the abandoned child then?”

“We are all the same age, Virgil. I don't think any of us even have parents, let alone understand all this drama for seeking them out.” Logan began, only to be cut of by a small cheer Roman made.

“Adopted out, I believe. After all our teacher was far too focused on making Thomas learn all the things and discover even more for much of our youth, but as soon as you started becoming known to Thomas was more than ready to help you through your worries.” Roman had moved over to Logan's side while speaking, listing out his reasoning excitedly. “Therefore we must believe that Logan is your Dad, Dearest Nightmare, but found himself unable to care for you and help Thomas with learning everything a young mind can so asked if Janus might raise you instead.”

Remus peeked out of the hoodie now, glancing suspiciously from Logan to Virgil's face. “I copied my eyeshadow from you. You just started getting it some mornings. Was that cause you couldn't try to steal Logan's glasses? I can make you some now if you like?” He offered.

“No need. Though I guess we need to find some other random thing to argue over now. Who's the better kisser perhaps?” Virgil offered, snickering at the confused glances they were now being shot.

Remus just pulled him down into a kiss before darting away. “I already won that one. What other suggestions do you have?”

Virgil watched him leave getting to his feet after a moment. “Thanks for the solution Roman, but seriously, if you ever upset Remus by making him feel abandoned again all the spiders in the house will find their way to your room, possibly including the ones from the imagination too.” With those parting words he hurried to follow Remus.

“Young love?” Patton asked, somewhere between thinking the scene was adorable and wondering what on earth just happened. Janus could only nod, feeling exactly the same over the two sides he had raised.

At least there was some story over how they weren't brothers now.