#everything is too complicated to think about

[timkontheunsure]

"and if he's only here as a prisoner, what kind of monster does that make me?"

Ok think I've finally worked out what was bugging me with them miscommunicating when Blitz yells.

"Would he want me if he were free?" Stolas' starting premise is if Blitz wasn't ok with the deal, and didn't like him; then he's a monster and an abuser.

If it's was only sex to Blitz, then he's just like Stella.

It's why he gives up, saying he has his answer; when Blitz assumes the crystal must be a prop for more of their deal.

"tethered to someone in such an unfair way". Ok this bit had my mind immediately go to the divorce.

The marriage was arranged by someone must more powerful than Stolas, to someone he'd never choose for himself. An "entire life's been written in stone" in fact; he thinks he's done the same thing to the man he loves.

While it is perfectly reasonable for Blitz to get angry, feeling blindsided and dismissed; asking for a "fucking minute", the next bit reads very differently to both of them.

"You spring this feeling bullshit on me. Are you fucking kidding! *Kicks open the door* Can I get a Fucking minute to think after everything you put me through! You pompous rich Asshole! *Stolas' flinches the same way he does when Stella screams at him.*

"Treat me like one of your little butler imps. You can't just Dismiss me like that. I mean you royal Fucks think you can think you can do this every single time. Like you can just play with our feelings, because we're smaller and not as important. Well I'm Not letting you bitch. *Flinches again* Let's Go!".

Blitz is telling Stolas that he doesn't want to be sent away, and that he wants think about it. His abandonment issues are fully kicked in.

He's trying to force Stolas into a fight, to get him to engage with him. Likely a repeated pattern from his last serious relationship with Voroskia.

Trying to pick a fight, to get to make up sex, to get them back to 'normal'. Because that's how he's been dealing with their "complicated" for a while now. If it's about sex he knows how to deal with what they have.

(Blitz is word perfect on the fight with Verosika after all; so they probably got back together a few times after stealing from her).

Blitz immediately goes to "I can do better", and try give it back; when he thinks Stolas doesn't want to see him anymore.

"you royal Fucks think you can think you can do this every single time."

But that's not what Stolas is hearing right now. Stolas hears is 'your all the same. All royal are as bad as eachother'.

It's very close to Striker explaining how the world works during his torture.

And now he thinks that the only man he's ever loved hates him because what he is.

That's what he meant by "think so of low of me".

And he's not exactly wrong. Fizz even calls Blitz on hating that Stolas is a prince.

And Blitz does say "They're all the fuckin' same". (Blitz isn't wrong for calling out Stolas on how he treats his staff either)...

Then there's the bit that seems fairly contentious. Stolas portaling Blitz out.

Stolas is a domestic abuse survivor, only a couple of weeks out of the hospital, because his wife tried to murder him. He's going freak out at loud voices, angry swearing, and doors being kicked in.

He going assume that this is Blitz getting a few kicks in on the way out; not him genuinely trying to talk through their problems just because of the format.

They are both stumbling over eachothers trauma landmines here.

Neither is wrong.

Not Stolas for walking away, or making the shouty person leave.

Not Blitz for getting scared, upset and feeling abandoned. Thinking Stolas isn't giving him a chance to think it through.

Blitz is going to get that time he wants to think it over. It's not an all or none thing.

He now has his business safe and secured in his own hands, and knows that Stolas likes him too. Those are biggys.

It's entirely up to Blitz what he wants to do now.

[wenellyb]

So, as promised, I'm gifing the scene that made me believe that Tommy was already in love with Buck. He know it's too soon but he can't help it.

So during the dinner scene, Buck talks about how Bobby is like a father to him, and then Tommy start opening up too. He starts talking about his complicated relationship with his father.

And the moment Tommy starts talking, Buck "drops everything" to listen to Tommy (metaphorically but also literally because he immediately dropped the cutlery he was holding to give Tommy his full attention):

Then he listens to Tommy very carefully, with a little bit of concern until Tommy cracks a joke and Buck goes back to smiling.

I'm not sure Tommy has ever been with someone like Buck, who looks at him like that, who's so attentive, listens to him carefully and makes him feel like he's a priority.

Tommy is comfortable with Buck and can be open him and share his vulnerable side (how he was jealous of the 118, how he wasn't always out and was lying to himself, and here, his relationship with his father).

I think Tommy already has strong feelings for Buck and feels so good with him and comfortable and he trusts Buck and Buck keeps proving to him that he's right.

[l0vergirls]

here's what i think it would be like if you had gotten with bruce first (yandere batfam!)

cw: yandere (like very slight i think), teensy bit of manipulation.. just a tiny bit...,

when you said you'd marry rich, you didn't think it would actually happen.

it was always said in jest; something you definitely would have loved to happen though understood your chances were slim to none.

then again, anything can happen in gotham.

like you getting engaged to bruce wayne, of all people. he's a stand up guy, really, with his charity balls and what not. but there's the matter of his rather unique family.

you'd understand if they lashed out a little, considering you're young enough to fit in with them, but they didn't. and you're not sure which you would prefer.

they're always eager to speak to you, talking to you about anything and (almost) everything. they're all a bit touchy as well, hands drifting from your shoulder to your waist, though you try not to look into it too deeply. especially when their charming smiles almost demand you not to mention it.

on one of the many nights you spend with bruce, you try bringing this up.

"um, about your kids..."

"hm?"

"they can be a bit... handsy sometimes. too close for comfort."

you feel strong arms wrap around you, and you instinctively hug him back, resting your head on his chest.

"that's just... how they are," no, it's absolutely not, but you don't know that. bruce had put off your meeting his kids for a while, long enough that he can excuse their out of character actions, "i know they can be a bit much, but they mean well, darling, i swear."

oh, well, now you feel like a dick.

you knew of everyone's complicated backgrounds, of what they get up to at night, so why would you dare try to make them feel guilty about it? after all, it wasn't their fault they were dealt a bad card in life.

you knew what you were getting into anyway; so what if they were a bit strange? aren't all rich people?

"i'm sure they do, but it's a little..."

"they just love you, sweetheart. we love you." more than you know.

bruce wonders what you would think when you find out his children love you like he does.

[maopll]

AVI HELP I BELIEVE SUNDAY AND AVENTURINE HAVE ME IN A CHOKEHOLD THAT I CAN'T ESCAPE FROM AND IM GOING FUCKING FERAL OVER THESE TWO-

Also some if you have the time i want some fluff with these two (poly) :3

Don't worry if you put this ask on the back burner for a little bit while you fill out the other 1k event request i wont get upset :3

"JUST THE THREE OF US"

# honkai star rail edition !

⋆·˚ your two lovers, Aventurine and Sunday are both respectable and reputed men for their charming qualities and calm composure. Yet... they all just vanish in the air when you are with them, behind close doors.

note : poly relation. sfw. funny gn!reader

a/n note: screaming , crying , throwing up i love these two.

"Good morning Sweetheart !"

"It's the ass crack of dawn ! why are you two shouting !"

"He shouted first"

Aventurine and Sunday glared at eachother at this statement. For some reason they were saying everything in unison.

you were fed up with their bickering so to break the ice, "... I'm too tired for this what's for breakfast ?"

"Your favourites dove, everything prepared by the finest chefs"

"and on the finest plates! all funded by yours truly" aventurine teasingly said so as he blew a kiss towards you. Mornings like this were a given. Luxurious dining yet homely food, and being greeted by the most handsome faces of penacony.

Although It was hard at first on making your decision on whom to choose as your partner, both of them agreed when you wanted to take them as your soulmate together.

Staying with these two under the same roof has its complications and its advantages.

You get to play with Aventurine's critters

"Hey aven do you think they will like fish? they do look like cats anyway ..."

"I think there are better alternatives to fish hm? my dear?"

And also to enjoy the fluffiness of Sunday's wings.

"Does... Does it hurt sunday ?"

"Not at all angel, you're being very gentle and ... it feels good..." Sunday often dozes off when you caress his wings like that. "You two are lucky that I can multitask like this" you chuckled.

—

"Look I'm leaving for a job that is going to take long so you two better be on your best behaviour ! no bickering ! no going at eachothers throats got it?"

"Yes ma'am"

When it comes to receiving orders from you about behaviour and being good, they always listen to you since they know that you love both of them equally.

So imagine your reaction when you come back to a very expensive yet the sweetest surprise.

"Welcome back home Dove" Sunday strided towards you and kissed the back of your hand.

"Relax now my love! It's only on us today so just rest" Aventurine says so as he takes the coat off your back and leaving trails of kisses on your neck.

"You two ... prepared this for me ?"

The living room was decorated only with your favourite things. Plushies , vintage furniture , many plants and your favourite dishes all set on a small round table. Although the previous furniture was nowhere to be seen , this change from the normal was appreciated by you.

"Thank you so much !—"

"Not so fast dearest , welcome back home and to us" Aventurine and Sunday both handed you a gift.

"A gift ? what does it have ... ? ... ! "

Words couldn't explain your surprise when you saw a keychain with small handmade yarn dolls of you , aven and sunday together, and a locket which had the picture of you three on one side and a small "Thank you for loving us" with their signatures on it.

"This is the best welcome home gift I've ever seen"

[shakingparadigm]

Seeing all those analysis posts about how Till liked Mizi because she was gentle while not giving the same attention to Ivan because he wasn't... how Ivan might have made Till uncomfortable because he expressed his admiration for Till through violence because he liked how Till had the courage to fight back...

I was wandering if Ivan ever realized that the way he went about showing his feelings wasn't positive for Till and he fucking did. "I wish I had been kinder" he fucking regrets dude, fuck me man.

(This veered wildly off-topic I am so sorry.)

Coming back to this ask after the most recent R6 update is interesting.

I've always wondered why they chose the title Cure in particular. I was expecting a song title along the lines of Star or something abyssal. Then I thought about Till's affiliation with experiments and drugs and the various ways he was hurt. Cure... It also brings to mind how the content for Ivan highlights his "oddness", how he's framed as someone different, almost wrong in a sense. There's something that he lacks, something that he feels the need to fix, to cure.

In the recent ROUND 6 production post, the true meaning is revealed. You're right on a certain level, but as always, it's complicated.

Both Ivan and Till seek a certain type of "healing", maybe to compensate for their pain, their oddness and their loneliness. They wish to be cured of their suffering somehow and they seek the solution in other people.

QMENG states that Till desires a type of healing that Ivan cannot provide, and vice versa.

It goes without saying, pretty common knowledge at this point, but Till is a lot softer under his rebellious front. As someone who's been beat and abused his whole life, it makes sense that that type of love he'd want is something gentler, something stable. It's incredibly obvious in the way he acts towards Mizi. She's so genuine, so bright, untainted by the cruel reality of the world. Till softens around her, since she has only showed him kindness he in turn shows her the sweetest side of himself. He's had nothing stable to cling onto before, so he immediately becomes attached to this idealized version of Mizi. He believes she's the only person who can provide him with what he needs, the only one who can "heal" him.

It's outright stated that Ivan cannot provide that type of "healing" that Till is looking for. Ivan does try, of course. Unfortunately, he lacks something fundamental. Because of this he expresses himself in rather childish ways, which may involve a little cruelty and attention-seeking. A lot of Ivan's actions are muddled by his complicated feelings as well, as its stated that his true emotions and intentions are difficult to grasp. With Till, Ivan wants to save and be saved, hurt and heal him, keep him and set him free. Live for him and die for him. He criticizes Sua on the ethics of self-sacrifice and then goes on to do the same himself. With Ivan, everything contradicts.

He tries desperately to be the cure that Till needs, but due to his incredibly complex nature that "healing" will never be just healing. It may come with more pain and confusion despite his best efforts.

I don't think Till refused to give Ivan attention because he wasn't gentle enough, rather I think it's because everything was so complicated whenever Ivan was involved. Ivan is there for him in his times of need and causes a fair bit of trouble during the rest. He's strange and hard to grasp, but he's familiar. Calling each other "friends" seemed like such an inadequate label because they're simultaneously too close and not close enough. Ivan does wish he was kinder, though. Not only to Till, but to Sua and most likely a few other people as well. There's a lot of aspects in which Ivan wishes he were different, and it's tragic to hear how he deprecates himself in his final moments for it.

There's the second half of QMENG's statement as well, "vice versa". Till cannot provide what Ivan needs either, but Ivan desperately desires it anyway.

Ivan views Till as his cure. He wants to not only "heal" Till, but to be healed by him as well. This desire can be seen in the lyrics of Cure:

Notice my pain

And mend me right now

To quiet my fears

I'll drown in you

(The wish for "healing" is stated.)

In your gaze, where I’m seen

Consume me, yes, me, oh, oh

(Ivan urges Till to "consume" him like medicine, he wishes to be what Till needs.)

Ivan lacks something, and he believes that Till can make up for that lack which is why he's so fascinated by him. If Ivan is a black abyss, Till is a supernova, bringing life to an empty void. Unfortunately, Till is explosive and rather inept at handling his own extreme emotions, which causes him to either lash out violently or retreat further inward and push Ivan away. He's also a thoroughly destructive and hurt individual, seeking his own cure in another form. He cannot provide what Ivan needs.

Both Ivan and Till are incredibly volatile. That's not to say they don't have their gentler sides, but overall they've been doomed from the start. Ultimately it's no fault of theirs, they did what they could with their complicated feelings and fought through their own respective hells.

In the end, Ivan had to come to terms with the fact that he couldn't get the "healing" he needed and could never be what Till needed, either. That's why he finally acted on his impulses and let his complicated feelings win over, resulting in his death. Despite all the heartache, his final thoughts are a statement of gratitude. Truly a tragedy.

[sparklingself]

𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓

daily reflections #1

Are you trying too hard? I fear I've been struggling with this. I've noticed some things come so easy to me, but the things that I really really want I struggle with. The desire is so big, it feels so big, it's hard to detach from the physical realisation part. I get anxious and feel like all of my happiness depends on getting and I try so hard to get, that I forget to be. This is what over-complication looks like.

This is what Neville tells us in "The Power of Awareness" chapter 14:

Your journey from one state of consciousness to another is a psychological one; so to make the journey, you must employ the psychological equivalent of "Least Action" and the psychological equivalent is mere assumption.

Least Action means minimum effort (minimum amount of energy * minimum amount of time). This is a concept which you see in all physics - states are occupied through minimum effort. I don't like to "prove" LOA through science, but I think it's an analogy you might appreciate. Particles and larger phenomena strive for minimum effort. And so should you.

It is mere assumption which you should focus on. Your attention on the assumption is all you need, nothing else. Your desire already exists, because creation is finished. You're not conjuring up anything new, you're not changing your world for that matter, you're changing your assumptions.

For the Lord seeth not as a man seeth, for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

Your outward appearances might be telling you one thing, however it is but the tiniest facet of reality. Looking on the heart means looking at your assumptions. And that is what determines what you physically experience.

Everything comes down to this present moment. Your assumptions are your present moment, your past, your future - everything is in this present moment. It is everything. Forget anything else and focus on this present moment.

Be still (least action) and know that you are that which you desire to be.

It is time to be. Stop daydreaming (thinking ABOUT not thinking OF) about the potential future and start being. So, say "yes" to yourself. Say "yes" to the state. Be still and know it is done.

---

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Genesis 2:2-3 

I know the Bible app posted this today, because it's Sunday, but this ties in well with the art of assumption. You have assumed. Now it's time to rest. Remember, least action, minimum effort. Know it is done. And the world has no choice but to conform now.

It is not complicated. Just choose a scene that makes you happy and feel it. Feel it to truly be yours in this present moment.

[toriangeli]

2.04 notes

-Biggest note, finally, FINALLY we have seen the real Armand. I'm not just talking about his heartbreaking speech in the Louvre, I'm talking about his increasingly unhinged behavior and especially that flashback moment where Daniel is remembering him asking him why he's so fascinating. -Is it insane that Claudia's suffering is more upsetting to me than anyone else's? I think it hits closer to home when it's a woman. That, or maybe they're oversaucing the pudding. Like, we get it, she's Super Tragic. Can we process -Santiago sulking in his dressing room while Claudia is onstage. They should have formed an alliance from the start to get this act off the stage. -Man this episode does make me remember how insufferably snobby Louis was in the book. Thank god they've got Jacob playing him. -I adore them showing coven politics. Love love love. Could Armand have prevented it? I mean, obviously, if he could put the entire coven to sleep in an instant. But they are clearly setting up the impetus to be more complicated than many make it out to be. -Daniel says "Yah" to Louis asking if he wants to know what Dreamstat felt like. -"He's not that attractive." Bro. I'm not even a dudes kinda lady and even I know he's hot. -HE CALLED HIM A BUFFOON OMG -I think Rashid, on orders from James, mixed in those photos with Louis' to cause an argument and allow Daniel more time with the files he was sent. -I wondered if they were going to find one of Marius' paintings in the Louvre, but finding one of Armand/Amadeo is even better (because Marius is...not mediocre, but definitely not Louvre material). -"Who am I, Louis? Am I my history I have endured? Am I the job I do not want? I am not sure anymore. No one has painted me in over 400 years." Oh god for them to address Armand's identity issues this directly--he is fully aware of that emptiness and openly seeks to fill it. He's begging Louis for it. -Then to turn around and show this authoritarian side to him, FUCK YES. -Starting to venture closer to the theory that Louis has been telling the lie of him being the one who slit Lestat's throat for so long that he has come to believe it. -Jesus. I know Dreamstat isn't even real and doesn't have feelings, but I still feel for him. -This scene where Louis advises Armand. People are seeing is as being more sinister than I'm seeing it. There are definitely power plays, but nothing Armand pushes back on. I don't think he's doing this because he fancies being Lestat, though I'm as perplexed as anyone by his reaction to Armand's story. But I think here, he's giving Armand a place to vent, to be vulnerable, to safely express fear for the first time in well over a century. I do think it snowballs by the time we get to Dubai (hence Jacob talking about Louis becoming "the Lestat" in his relationship with Armand), but here, Armand seems deeply reassured. Contrast their argument in the bedroom, where Armand is immediately concerned with who to blame because he doesn't want the argument he knows is coming. That instant anticipation of the argument isn't a great sign. But the one moment in the 1940's that's a sign of how toxic it's likely to get? Louis called Armand by the name Armand said he went by as a slave, which he could not be sure was his birth name. That's taking the BDSM fantasy too far. Other than that? Every time Armand starts to spiral emotionally in the conversation, Louis redirects him, and it genuinely seems to make Armand feel better. What I don't like is that Louis has stepped back into a persona he doesn't like. At this juncture, it's more unhealthy for Louis than for Armand. Though as we see, it seems to become equally unhealthy for them both. -That being said, some people are still weirdly insistent that Armand is secretly 100% in control of everything ever, in spite of the mounting evidence that it's not the case. Just because he can put his coven to sleep for 15 seconds without breaking a sweat doesn't mean he's some kind of puppet master. There's only one of him.

Next week: finally getting truly unhinged Armand omg.

[da-proti-toku-grem]

jance + royalty au? 👀

Ohhh I think I'm gonna have fun with this one and it'll probably turn too long so putting this under the cut <3

(Note: I'm too lazy to search which countries still have any sort of monarchy and which ones would fit the most, so I leave it up for imagination. I mean, I know we have one here in Spain so maybe one could be Spanish but idk, whatever agahsbs)

Both Jan and Nace are next in line for their respective monarchies. They've never met each other, but along with the education they received as princes, they had to learn about the rest of the monarchies and regimes in the world, so yeah... they do know at least a bit about each other.

Jan has been out as queer for a few years now, since he was 18. It took him some time to gather the courage to speak to his parents, scared of how they would react to the possibility that the prince - the future king of the country - might fall in love with a man one day, making the possibility of having biological children a little, well, complicated. He still liked girls, but he liked boys too, so the possibility was there.

Still, he talked to them. Thankfully, his parents were very supportive and reassured him that there were many ways they could still have children, and there was always the adoption possibility if other methods didn't work out. "The crown is something that is passed from generation to generation, but it is not our blood that makes us kings or queens. We will love you and your future children no matter what."

They agreed to wait until he was 18 to make a statement. It was pretty wild, he appeared in the news and every single newspaper, the word obviously spreading all over the word: he was the first ever out and proud (future) monarch. But anyways, the response was mostly supportive.

Nace, for his part, belongs to a much conservative monarchy. The country has progressed a lot, is a lot more open and lgbtq friendly than it used to be. The monarchy - or, well, his parents and the people around them - on the other hand...

He has known he's gay since he was little, after realizing that him looking at men that way was not admiration or him wanting to be like them, but more like him having a crush on them.

He didn't tell anyone tho, he grew up hearing everyone around him talking bad about people like that, people like him, so he never said anything about it, he hated himself for being like that. That was until a few years later he confessed everything to his sister one night, crying, expecting her to hate him just as much as he had learned to hate that part of him. Instead, his sister hold him tight and told him that it was okay, that she loved him just the way he was, there was nothing wrong about it and he deserved to be loved for who he was.

With time, he started to learn how to love himself again. It was hard sometimes, he wasn't quite there yet - the thought that his parents wouldn't accept him if he came out a constant reminder of it - but he tried.

Then, it happened. Jan - the gorgeous prince with long, black hair and a slightly mysterious and cool aura, yet with beautiful big brown eyes and a soft smile that might or might not make Nace's stomach tingle every time he sees him on tv - has come out as queer. It's shocking at first, but he can't help but feel... good. He's not alone, there's people like him out there, and they're determined to prove that there's nothing wrong with being queer just because you're part of the Royal Family. And he's also proud of the younger boy, for having the courage to come out to a whole country (and the whole world basically) when he himself can't even talk to his parents.

It's not until a few years later that they meet at an event Nace's family organized, but Nace hasn't stopped thinking about the beautiful prince's speech. Nace surprises even himself by going up to Jan and introducing himself (even if they obviously know who they are but, a prince has to be polite right?). They talk a little and they realize that neither of them really wanted to be there, so they escaped the salon where everyone is gathered and Nace shows him around the castle.

They end up going into Nace's room, both of them laying on his bed side by side, looking at the ceiling, cracking jokes and talking shit about how ridiculously polite and hypocrite everyone in that room was. Nace's heart warms as he realizes that the beautiful, kinda shy guy he's had a little crush on from seeing him on tv is apparently really kind and funny and sweet and even more beautiful in person than he is through the screen somehow, and Nace doesn't know what possessed him in that moment but he ends up talking to Jan about when he came out. He confesses him how much his speech impacted him and how much it has helped him accept himself.

He doesn't say it directly, but it doesn't take a genius to understand, yet Jan ventures a quiet "so, you are..." There's a bit of silence where Jan wonders if he pushed too hard until Nace says "I'm gay". He's never said that to anyone besides his sister and it feels good, liberating and, for the first time since the conversation started, he dares to look at Jan. He finds him already looking at him with a bright smile on his face and a (hopeful?) glimmer in his eyes. The younger man doesn't say anything, but he wraps him up in a hug like no one has ever given him. It makes Nace feel safe and accepted like he's never felt and without realizing he starts sobbing quietly, the sobs turning into full tears streaming down his cheeks and heavy breathing as he tells Jan everything that troubles him, everything about his family not being accepting and Jan holds him through it, caressing his hair and whispering words of affirmation until he fully calms down.

Nace feels embarrassed after that, but Jan quickly reassures him and they end up exchanging numbers.

Sadly, the event doesn't last forever and Jan has to go home not long after, but he leaves with a promise to keep in touch, both of them excited for what seemed to be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Nace probably didn't expect it, but they end up texting almost every day. Despite their equally busy schedules, it's nice to come out of a very boring meeting to a bunch of messages from Jan, complaining about his equally boring meetings, talking about stuff that happen throughout his day or sending random memes. He's a bit shy at first, not daring to start conversations, but it's not long until he starts doing the same.

They stay up late at night chatting and sometimes even face timing each other. Nace learns that Jan is very much a night owl, but he's not that used to staying up too late so he sometimes falls asleep in the middle of their call (Jan just finds it incredibly cute and endearing, and if he sometimes spends a few long minutes looking at Nace's peaceful sleeping face before hanging up well... no one needed to know that)

It's been a few month since they first met when Nace has to travel to do some stuff in Jan's country. He swears he's never been more excited to go meet some people and visit some places, but the thought of getting to reunite with Jan is exhilarating. They hug each other so tight and definitely longer than you would hug someone you've only met once before once they meet, but they're both too happy to care about it.

The time Nace spends there passes by way too quickly and he has to go home. It's when he's laying in his own bed that night, his whole body seeming to miss Jan with every atom and his heart aching with the desire to have the other man near, that he realizes (or more like, accepts) that he's in love with Jan.

And he cries. Cries because he's fallen in love with his best friend. Cries because he doesn't want to fuck up this beautiful friendship that they've manage to build besides the distance. Cries because he knows he doesn't stand a chance. Cries because he would never forgive himself for ruining what they have. Cries because he misses him, so fucking much. But how could he not? When Jan has helped him accept and love himself just the way he is, when Jan has showed him he's deserving of love and genuine friendship, when Jan is just so... Jan.

Unbeknownst to him, Jan is having a similar reaction all the way over at home.

Jan blames himself. He knew he had a crush on Nace after that night they met. He thought it would be just a silly crush and it would go away soon, but every day that passed, every text and every late night call, made him fall a little bit more. How was his (not so) silly little crush supposed to go away when Nace was so sweet and nice and kind and cute and beautiful, when his hair was so soft and his dimpled smile was so bright and genuine and his sassy remarks never failed to make Jan smile, when he looked so incredibly adorable and hot when he was wearing his glasses, when his hugs made him feel so safe, when he talked so passionately about the things he liked - god he was such a nerd and fuck Jan was so down bad for him.

So yeah, Jan blames himself. Blames himself because he know this could potentially ruin their friendship. He would never be able to forgive himself if his feelings for his friend were the reason Nace decided to step away from his life, making him lose probably the most precious thing he has ever had.

Of course, none of them say anything about it, they keep in touch just like before, they visit each other as often as their schedules allow them, enjoying being friends. Both of them secretly hoping they could be more, but neither of them daring to risk breaking what they already have.

How long will it take them to get their shit together and realize the feeling is mutual? Will they be able to resist the urge to lean in and kiss the other on one of those rare times they get to spend the day together? Who will take the first step, risking everything they have, holding on to hope that this could turn out well and they could be happy together? How will they overcome all the challenges they will encounter once they are together, like having a long distance relationship or what Nace's parents will have to say about it? How will the world take it when Nace comes out, or if they - two princes and future kings of two different countries - come out as a couple? Well... that's a story for another time.

Leave an AU and a pairing in my ask and I’ll give you the plot of the fic I won’t write for it.

[zoropookie]

HOW HATERS ARE BORN (HHAB)

♡ chapter thirty-three — give it time (💋)

“I’ll admit, you made it look like a home.”

You looked around, enamored by the mutable blend of the other’s home. There was oddly a cozy charm that bled in the space, a mixture of contrasts that you wouldn’t have thought he would involve himself with.

There were soft shadows playing against the walls, promenaded by the warm and golden glow of the lamps. It was really elegant in here, yet, meticulously chosen to make you feel comfortable enough to sit down on the obviously expensive furniture.

“Didn’t know you had a…knack for interior design either.” You said hesitantly, looking at a very abstract tiny statue of a triangle on one of the shelves. Even thought you were interested, it still just felt like a painted on canvas for you. Kind of like...the idea that there can be paint on a canvas, but it doesn't make it a painting. "Learning a lot more about you everyday."

"It wasn't my idea," He sighed. "I told the interior designer 'not too many colors', and I guess she thought I was talking about completely mute."

"Feels like a sanctuary," you murmured.

Despite the dismissive words he gave you, the effort that was put into everything was clearly crafted and corroborated. You walked over to the books sitting on the coffee table, the only things out of place from the rest of the textures, reading the hard cover and smiling.

"You're really considering it?" You asked, to which Kuni turned towards you, "Taking care of the orchard outside."

He shrugged, his eyes moving back to making tea in the kitchen. "I don't have a choice. It's either me who does it, or it dies."

"That's not true, you can always pay someone to do it for you. I know there's a lot of people who may want it for themselves, it's completely healthy." You rambled, trying to see it through the long windows. "I take it that was a housewarming gift too?"

"From Furina. Came with the house, thought it'd be funny to see me struggle with something mundane."

"I heard," You grinned, not being able to keep your laugh in. "Love that for you, it's like a package deal! Did it work?"

He sighed again, running a hand through his hair at the thought. "I guess, I don't know," He started pour the tea once the pot began to steam. "I know her goal was to drive me insane. A constant reminder that no matter how far I try to distance myself from complications, they find a way to root themselves in my life."

"Hey, I wouldn't see it as that." You chuckled, the sound mixing with the soft clinking of the ceramic cups he was setting on the table. "It's probably just a way to keep you grounded after everything."

"I don't see the appeal in tending to trees."

"Maybe it's not even about that," You mused. "Maybe it's just about finding a healthy medium in your life, don't suppose you had that before, right?" You said, teasingly.

He rolled his eyes at you, a humored smile tugging at his lips. "You're one to preach about silver linings."

Your jaw dropped, a small scoff coming from your mouth. "I actually came here to truce, thank you very much. Even though you're the one who tried to run away from me — news flash, didn't work, genius. Still pissed off about that. I'm glad that Furina is looking to help you as much as she's looking to out you."

"Running away is my thing." He squinted playfully, "Like she's big help anyway. The only reason she's in on it is because she wants us to have this romance trope going on for real this time. It's stupid as fuck."

You paused at his words, feeling yourself swallow a big lump some of the tea nestled in your mouth. You shivered at the heat that washed on you, pursing your lips in thought as you let the conversation simmer. The two of you standing in a companionable silence. The trees outside rustled gently in the breeze, their leaves a vibrant contrast to the muted tones inside.

"I mean, I don't know," You paused, cringing as your fingers tightened on your cup. "I don't think it's stupid."

Kuni stiffened too, gaze flickering away for a moment before returning to meet yours. There was a certain look that you've never seen before from him. You couldn't decipher his actual feelings. "I figured."

Your cheeks flushed. "Holy shit, never mind if you were expecting it already." You hissed to yourself, trying to ebb how much embarrassment was on your skin. "Look, I need to check into my hotel soon—"

"Sit down." He cut you off, assertiveness in his tone enough to get you to immediately listen, plopping back down. There was an unexpected gravity that was with him, another departure from his nonchalant attitude.

Your heart hammered rapid fire in your chest, a mix of fear and total apprehension were doing a waltz on your general disposition. The more time you were here, the more you worried about the next time you'll make an absolute fucking fool of yourself. You fidgeted with your fingers.

"What really brought you here." He asked, expectantly. "First thing you give me is a hug, and some words of affirmation. You're not here just to catch up, especially after I blew you off."

"I wanted to see you again." You admitted, the weight of your own words pressing down on you. "You owned up to it, left your part of the Internet in a spiral, and then didn't bother to talk to me after that."

He was looking at you, you sensed it. And it wasn't like you could look at him back, otherwise you were going to melt. It was different seeing him from up close, it was an original experience to you if you could name it anything.

His eyes were searching you, despite all you said, as if trying to decipher if you were being genuine. His eyes bored into you like a tiny laser burning your skin. He nodded, a sliver of understanding crossing his face. "You gave me the impression that you were done. I left it at that."

"Yeah, well, I felt like the only one who could leave it at anything was me."

Despite how sticky and tense it was again, you felt relieved that he wasn't as malicious as he was behind the screen. You were relieved that at least the worst of it was over. But it didn't didn't help the burning in your chest, the aching of the bubble in your throat. "Ei really made you do all that stuff? It's not because you really do hate me, right?"

There was no more pretending anymore, no more hiding behind false bravado or dissing each other behind screens like pussies. It was only raw honesty, vulnerable and exposed.

"(Y/N)." His expression softened, a silent dilemma clear on his face. He gathered his own courage, squaring his shoulders a bit and looking at you again. "I'm sorry."

You felt dazed, electricity in the air around you, the world officially tilted on its axis to you. "What?" You accentuated snippier than you intended.

"You were collateral. Nothing that you did deserved what happened to you. Makes sense that you did what you did, you weren't the problem." He explained, shoulders slumped again. "I was behind what I did, at the end of the day; Ei just told me to do it. I'm sorry for being part of the reason you couldn't bounce back. I know if the situation were different, I'd leave you alone."

People kept saying that to you these days, that nothing that happened was because you deserved it. Maybe you never quite got the picture until Kuni said something along the lines of it. You never thought that him apologizing to you would garner the oddest reaction out of you.

Because why was it sexy..? Stop.

"And," He sighed, grabbing your attention lightspeed again. "I would consider liking you more if this all didn't happen. You're alright."

His admission of everything was catching you off guard left and right. You had no idea what to feel with the prominent knot in your stomach. "Do you like me?" "(Y/N), I don't want to—"

"I'm alright, in your words, but do you like me?" Your tone solidified with each word slowly jutting out, assertiveness hardening your composure. "Tell me. Look at me and tell me."

The uncertainly stretched on for what was practically indefinitely. He held his breath, as did you, waiting for his response. Your heart was ruthless against you, beating against your body. He sized you up, seeking an answer for himself.

"...Yeah?" He admitted, voice barely audible as he tried to find his own words. But everything he did think of was so unlike him, out of his personal way of handling things like this. "Yeah. I do."

You blinked, both of your eye contact filling a certain, more romantic space that neither of you even thought was there before today. But the more you realized it, the more you realized that maybe the sexual tension was always there.

previous ♡ masterlist ♡ next

YOU ARE on your way to being one of the hottest streamer in your nation at the moment, racking a monthly average of 10 million viewers, but something specific bothers you about it. you know that a lot of people hate you, but there's this one account. one account that's been following you since the early days of your career. they leave a flood of rude comments in your stream, your moderators banned each account they made, but they keep making more. you are at the end of your tether. but you are yet to find out that this persistent cockroach is none other than your friend's friend (and the only other streamer that's bigger than you), scaramouche.

taglist ♡ @thystarsshine @veekoko @gumickajolli @simonisferal @kamiboo

@justpeachyteastea @feiherp @pinkismyfavcolor @aether-darling @kunisnaomi

@keiiqq @mine-lu @featuredtofu @danhenglovebot @k4zushi

@kyon-cherri @b4tm4nn @iiinaurate @quacking-simp @auroratumbles

@kookiibun @ulquiorraswife @amvpk01 @simplysm1le @h3xi2g0n3

@alatusorrow @scaranthropy @mellowberrie @magica-ren @vernith

@kabukipookie @bananasquash @suqarlaced @dellalyra @lightyagamifan

@yourfavoritefreakyhan @heartsforseo @yomishen @pwushizz @swivy123

@strxwberryfetish @ibyobi @ashfrommars4 @chemiru @ainnofinway

@agaygothicmushroom @levianamor @dragontammerz @wth121 @lylovw

@morgyyyyyyy @lovemari @suniika @littlesliceofcheese @yumejo89

@liuaneee @franaby @tiddieshakeshownu @mimi3lover @kavineyah

@kittywagun (bold users means i'm having trouble tagging you)

[honeyedgifts]

“When’s the last time you went outside?”

Sunday blinks, looking across the table. You do not sit beside him, but rather on the edge of the piano’s bench just a foot away. You’re not playing any pieces at the moment, shoulders relaxed and posture slumping compared to how it was when you played only a little while ago.

“Hm…” Sunday eyes you curiously, placing the cup he was sipping out of back on its saucer. “Well, I believe I was outside just an hour ago. I had to come inside the building from somewhere, and that’s outside.”

“Haha,” you say rather blandly, which he only smiles at. “As ridiculous as your response is, it’s still an answer, sadly enough.” You fold one leg over the other. “The last time you went outside, not to travel between buildings: way too long ago.”

“I suppose,” Sunday doesn’t argue. “Why does it matter?” He looks to his left, outside the large window. All there is to see is some landscaping, bushes cut up and maintained to keep shape, pretty flowers and perfect green grass.

“Maybe because you’re as pale as my grandma,” you say, no niceties to your tone, and Sunday just looks at you. There are no surprises here as you give him a deadpan look. “Being stuffed away doing Family business really gives you a jaded outlook to life. If you can’t remember the last time you’ve really been outside, just to enjoy it, just to be a living being, then what’s the point of even being one at all?” You huff loudly as you turn your attention to your piano. Your fingers hover over the keys, mimicking notes but not pressing down to create the music that is undoubtedly playing out in your head.

Sunday leans back in his chair. He hums at your words, closing his eyes as he thinks. After a moment, he says, “you sound like my sister.”

You laugh. He smiles.

“Is that why you come here to work when you’re stressed out?”

“Who said I was stressed?”

“Mm. Don’t need to say it.” Like you know everything, which you don’t, you start to very casually play a tune. Quietly, but it is still noise, beautifully crafted, and that directs attention. But no one interrupts, and the conversation is still private, despite the open setting. “You like to look so complicated, but you’re really simple, Sunday.”

“Hmm. Really?” Sunday takes another drink of his tea. You snort.

“Yeah. But that’s not a bad thing. You think I’m simple too, right? Ignorantly so.” You cast him a knowing look with a tip of your head as your fingers continue to play across the keys of the piano. “Maybe I am ignorantly simple. But you like me anyway.”

With that, you commit to your song like second nature, your leg subtly moving up and down as your foot presses on the pedals of the piano to reverberate the sound across the whole cafe. Heads turn to watch the perfect posture of your back as you sway with the tune. Sunday looks back to the paperwork he brought with him, scattered on his table beside the cup of tea.

You’re a smug creature. Ignorant, just as you had said. You definitely share similarities with Robin, like your shared musical experience and optimistic attitude toward life- but Robin would never be so… crass. Sunday has been around long enough to hear you cuss under your breath when your leg cramps, when you miss a note that no one else hears besides you (and him). He’s seen you eat food off abandoned plates that haven’t been bussed yet (disgusting, but it is… excusable only in the dreamscape, he supposes, since you cannot get sick or catch disease here. And look at him now, so used to you, he’s making excuses and reasoning for your gross habits). You’ve talked long enough now that you’ve shared details about your history, and none of it is particularly impressive.

You don’t know anything. You’re nowhere near Sunday’s social status and importance- but even so, you’re cheeky. ‘You’re as pale as my grandma’- really?

Privately, something no one would ever see, Sunday rolls his eyes, and tilts his head toward your music. Yes, despite it all, he likes you anyway.

[ereardon]

At Sea [Bob Floyd x Reader]

Chapter 2

Overview: I’ll be home in five weeks. That’s what naval aviator Y/N told her fiance before leaving for deployment in the Atlantic. But time ceased to stop when she met Bob Floyd, the ship surgeon. Shy and honest, Bob quietly slipped into Y/N’s life, creating a complicated dynamic on an already intense mission. Falling for Bob was not in Y/N’s plan, and as she continues to weave a web of lies, she must make a choice: return to the life she left on land, or forge ahead into the unknown with Bob. But before Y/N can decide, disaster strikes, leaving Bob to make the decision that will alter their lives forever. 

Chapter summary: Y/N and Bob have their first heart-to-heart; Y/N reminiscences on how she met her fiance

Pairing: Navy Doctor Bob Floyd x Female Aviator Reader

Warnings: Implied emotional cheating, lots of Naval inaccuracies

WC: 2.5K

Masterlist here

In the air, everything else gets stripped away. Fears, concerns, chores, anxieties, conversations. They all stay on the ground. 

Or in this case, on the deck. 

When you’re in the cockpit, your brain splits in two. One half shuts down – the half that controls emotions, everyday life. The other half, the aviator half, roars to life. It’s the part of you that instinctively knows when to dive or call for backup, when to evade, when to approach. That part works practically autonomously. 

The first time you sat in a cockpit, it was an extension of yourself. 

The jet dipped low, the ship just ahead. A quick flight, in and out on a search and rescue that yielded negative results. You jumped out of the seat onto the waiting ladder, pulling off your helmet. The late September wind whipped at your face as you shrugged on a pair of sunglasses and looked up toward the other incoming jets. Daiquiri and Johnson landed a few seconds later, the drop of the jet onto the runway causing a thump in your chest. 

“See you in the ready in ten,” you called out to Chevy, your backseater. He waved his hand in acknowledgement and you jogged out toward the cabin door, quickly descending down two decks. As you rounded a corner, helmet still in hand, you smacked into someone. 

Bob had his arms outstretched in apology before he could even see who he collided with. 

He was wearing navy colored coveralls and carrying a small clipboard, glasses seated low on his nose bridge. 

“Y/N,” he said, surprise lacing his features. 

“Hey you.” You looked to your left down an empty hall, tilting your head and beckoning him to follow you into the darkened hallway. The two of you turned the corner out of the main walkway. “What are you doing?” 

He raised the clipboard. “Filling out patient intakes and supply forms.” 

“Spicy.” He laughed. 

“Did you just get off of a flight?” 

You nodded. “Search and rescue that got called early.” 

Bob’s eyes roamed over you, slowly. “It’s weird to see you in uniform.” 

You frowned. “Weird?” 

He shook his head vigorously, a small blush creeping up his neck. “Not weird, sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I just mean, I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that you’re an aviator. It’s really impressive.” 

“I guess. I don’t really think about it too much.” 

“It’s not every day that you meet a beautiful aviator.” 

This time, you blushed. “You obviously don’t get enough deployments, sir. We’re crawling all over this ship.” 

He laughed and stepped closer, reaching out and touching the collar of your flight suit between his thumb and index finger. As Bob rubbed the fabric slowly, you felt your breath turn choppy at his proximity. “I think you’re selling yourself short.” 

You opened your mouth to respond when the thunder of footsteps crashed down the main hall. You and Bob broke apart like magnet poles. A few aviators stormed past, laughing, not noticing the two of you in the darkened hallway. “I have to go,” you whispered. “Maybe I’ll see you tonight.” 

Bob’s eyes twinkled as you turned, falling into step with the other aviators. 

***

You and Connor met at a museum opening your friend Sally had dragged you to. While standing in the corner, nursing a glass of wine as Sally pressed her chest against some stranger’s arm, Connor appeared at your side in an almost magnetic way. He was extremely tall with dark hair and tawny skin and the widest brown eyes you had ever seen. 

“Are you a fan?” he asked, motioning at the painting you were lingering in front of. 

You tipped your head, pretending to be an expert, before letting out a little caught. “Would you judge me if I said I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between this and something from the Goodwill bin?” 

He laughed. It was throaty, catching at the end, and reached out one strong hand that slid into yours perfectly. “Connor Bennett.” 

You told him your name. “Anyways, I should probably get back to my friend.” You whipped around but Sally was nowhere to be found.

Connor hadn’t let go of your hand. “At least let me show you one thing that doesn’t look like a donation item.” Before you could refuse, he was walking you confidently toward a lifesize painting on the far back wall. 

“This is an O’Keeffe,” he said. Your eyes rolled across the canvas. Soft swoops of vivid colors. It was pretty, but nothing to write home about. 

Instead, you lifted your eyes to Connor. He was mesmerized. His eyes were soaking up the canvas, drinking it all in, and you found yourself turning back to the painting, trying to see what he saw. The first time around you had missed the delicate but deliberate blue from one color to the next. How sensual the lines were. How confident. 

“So what do you think?” You liked that he gave you enough time to develop a thought without interruption. Most men couldn’t stand even a millisecond of silence. They wanted to be the smartest in the room. And if they weren’t the smartest, then the loudest. Connor was comfortable simply letting thoughts fill the empty space. 

You smiled up at him. “I’m a fan.” 

The two of you went on your official first date a week later, and you slept with him that night. At twenty five, you wanted to know what you were getting into. He was tender, but dominant. He stayed the night, even though he hadn’t asked. It had been years since you had let someone break that barrier. 

Later, you found out he was a curator for the museum. He worked normal hours and grew up in a two-parent household, went to Yale and was in a fraternity. He had an insanely good memory and could recite every Lords of the Rings movie on command. 

A talent that was not often used. 

Being with Connor was easy enough, in the way that other relationships never had been. So the day he proposed, you said yes. It wasn’t that you couldn’t picture a future without him. 

It was that he was the only person who had ever made you think that maybe a future with them wouldn’t be so bad. 

***

When, for the first night in almost a week, you got caught up writing reports and didn’t make it to the deck after hours, you wondered if Bob even noticed. 

How was it possible that the two of you had settled into a quiet routine in the span of only a week without ever acknowledging it outright? 

But every night, without fail, he showed. You met on the deck long after the sun had plunged into the horizon. Bob snuck out a thermos of coffee and the two of you would sit and talk long into the night. He was shy and unassuming, with a clear and keen eye for his surroundings. He chose his words carefully, often mulling things silently in his head before breathing life into words. 

He folded used tissues into near squares, loved James bond movies, his favorite candy flavor was lemon and he had a cat named Whiskey growing up. 

In turn, you told him about yourself. How your favorite feeling is coming in from a day at the beach, drinking a cocktail and getting ready for dinner after a shower. How when you were five, you tried to feed the ants that swarmed the cracks of the driveway with leftover birthday candy, almost giving your father an aneurism. 

Somehow, Bob’s fingertips landed on your leg, eliciting goosebumps as you told him about the day your childhood best friend and her family flipped their sailboat in the lake and how you and your parents were the first ones to show up at the marina and watch them pull the four family members to safety.

Bob asked questions, peppering you with small prompts that made you feel like not only was he listening, he was truly hearing what you were saying. 

Who your favorite musician was. Kacey Musgraves. What your favorite meal is. Breakfast, followed closely by dessert. How old you were when you had your first kiss. Fourteen, but the first one was nineteen. Your go-to drunk snack. Cold pizza and a Diet Coke. Why you became a pilot. It’s in your blood. 

He’s good people, as your mother would say. It was clear that after spending only a handful of hours with Bob, he respected people and treated them with kindness. In your head, he opened doors for old ladies, stopped traffic to scoop up a turtle crossing the road, helped little kids find their parents in a crowded mall. 

You had yet to see a crack or flaw in his demeanor. And that terrified you. 

After the first day on the run, you stopped wearing your ring. It was a hindrance for everyday life – helping out in the dishroom, exercising, flying – and you were now more understanding of why so many people opted to forgo rings in service. 

By the time you made it on deck, it was quarter to eleven. Darkness spread as far as the eye could see, except directly beneath the flood lights. Small beacons of light in a literal sea of black. You were somewhere deep in the Atlantic, and there was a nagging thought in the back of your mind of how cold it would be if you were to fall in. 

And how quickly the waves would overtake you.

“Didn’t think you were going to make it.” 

You jumped. Bob was lingering just outside the flood light ring. 

“Jesus Chris, you scared the shit out of me.” 

He gave a shy smirk. “Sorry. You didn’t show last night, so I thought maybe you were rethinking our arrangement.” 

The thought of him waiting for you put a pit in your stomach. 

“Oh yeah? And what arrangement is that?” 

He held up the thermos. “Contraband barista and customer.” 

You chuckled and he placed a cup of coffee into your hand, lingering for a second as your fingers brushed over each other. When he pulled away, even though the cup was steaming, your fingers felt cold wrapped around the mug. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” 

“I’m just lucky you showed up tonight.” 

He sounded relieved. Like he really thought you wouldn’t show. Guilt clouded your mind. The good part of you, the part that volunteers at the food shelter and cuts up six pack plastic rings so fish don’t get stuck and the part of you that wore a white confirmation dress under the scorching Louisiana sun screams at the rest of you to tell him. As your bare finger taps against the mug, in the deep recesses of your mind, she screams at you that you owe him that. 

“Are you alright?” Bob leaned toward you, propping one elbow on the wall behind your seat. You tilt your head back against the wall, his arm only a few inches away. His bicep is muscular, and you know that’s carting around a truly excellent body beneath his uniform. 

“I’m fine. Why?” 

“You seem a bit off.” 

“Do you really know me well enough to say something is off?” 

Immediately, you saw he was taken aback and guilt seeped into every cell of your body. Kindness is not one of your strengths. You’ve had to bite your tongue more than once growing up in the south with the alphabet of the Navy always ready on your lips. Honesty is a philosophy you lean too hard into at times, to your detriment. And one you ignore all too often as well. 

“I’m sorry,” you added quickly. “That was rude of me.” 

Bob dropped his arm and straightened. “It’s alright. I overstepped.” 

“It’s just, I mean we’re strangers, right? Kind of. And saying something like that makes me think you see this as more than it is.” You squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, hating yourself the moment the words leave your lips. You’re not sure why you say it at all. It’s sour as it exits your mouth. 

“Trust me, I am very aware of the situation, Y/N.” His voice was bone chillingly calm. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

Your heart began to jog in your chest. He knew. He had spotted the ring that first day and had been pretending otherwise ever since. If anything, you were pissed at yourself. An anxious blush crept across your throat, combating the cold of the ocean wind. 

“The mission is only a few weeks,” Bob said and your pulse instantly began to even out. “You’re young and smart and absolutely beautiful. I know that if we were anywhere else, this wouldn’t be happening.” He waved one large hand in the space between your bodies. “If I had met you at a bar somewhere, you wouldn’t give me a second look. But here, on the ship, it’s a limited dating pool. It’s limited everything. I’m your default.” 

Dating pool. The elephant in the room. The whale on the ship. You weren’t imagining the electric current running between the two of you. 

You let out a sigh of relief, not even realizing that you had been holding your breath, and laid one hand on his thigh, gently. Bob looked up, the vulnerability across his button nose and pink cheeks making you flush. 

“Stop it,” you whispered lightly. You wanted to tell him the truth. That you had noticed him that very first day in the mess. That talking to him felt like talking to an old friend, but also stimulated a nerve you didn’t even know you had. That touching him felt natural. That you had waited all day, rushed through your duties, to make sure you made it to the deck on time, just hoping he would still be there. 

He glanced down at your hand. You started to feel insecure about it, but as you went to lift it, you changed your mind. 

“Y/N.” That was it. Just your name rolling off his lips in a quiet whisper that got picked up and sailed away in the cold wind. Instead of pulling away, you rubbed your thumb across the thick material of his pants a few times. Slowly. A reassurance. So without saying it, he knew. Through the silence, you hoped he read you. 

“It’s not like that, OK?” you said. He nodded. “I need you to know that you’re a choice. I’m here because I want to be. Simple as that.” 

The words hung in the air, dense like the thick fog rolling in. Bob glanced over at you, his gentle face slowly relaxing. 

You sat there in the darkness and the silence, your hand on his leg, until the coffee in your cups ran cold. Until the wind picked up so high it felt like tinnitus. Until you both realized how late it was and how tired you would be the next day. 

Until you both knew, deep down, that tomorrow would be different. That everything had changed. 

Please follow my library page @ereardonlibrary

Tagging some people who I think may like this (but feel free to message me and say you're not interested and I won't tag you going forward!): @blue-aconite @horseshoegirl @clancycucumber230 @kmc1989 @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @spinning-away @bvbfloyd @startrekfangirl2233-writes @shanimallina87 @xoxabs88xox @xomrsalliej4787xo @sio-ina-bottle @joaquinwhorres @thedroneranger @callsign-magnolia @sometimesanalice @stargazer-88 @tomanybandstolove @laracrofted @iangiemae @teacupsandtopgun @palepeanutponyshoe @mrsjobarnes @desert-fern @double-j @djs8891 @gigisimsonmars @fanficfandomlove @bobfloydsbabe @katiedid-3 @katieshook02 @na-ta-sh-aa

[astroyongie]

NCT 127 June Reading 2024

Note: please take it with a grain of salt

Taeil

love: it seems like he is still dating the same person as ever, but things are again complicated. Taeil have been a little bit more protective over his finances and not “pampering” his partner as much which has made them mad 

career: Taeil has some ideas of what he wants to do after his military service. Maybe we will finally have some type of solo music from his side. he has also been quite protected lately 

self: things are okay with him, his health is strong and he has been leading the group into a better communication overall 

Johnny

love: This man is finally in a relationship (this seems to be an idol but i am not 100% sure). Also their relationship havent started long ago, probably around the end of April and the beginning of may which makes him being on a honeymoon. things are doing well for him!

career: he has been doubting himself a lot lately, especially when it comes to his capacities of being an idol also because there’s a few things that have scared him and that provoked a lot of emotional turmoil since it could have impacted his idol image. Johnny is also having some type of blockages with his career 

self: he is going through a lot of indecisions, a lot of thoughts a lot of confusion about why life does certain things to him. he feels like he has been screwed around and that life isn't fair to him 

Taeyong

love: Taeyong is also in a relationship at the moment. Despite everything he was able to make everything official before his departure to the military service. thighs are okay for him and this relationship is something that he has been manifesting for so long, so he is happy 

career: i couldn't get much about his career, since at the moment everything is on hold 

self: he has been a little bit “foolish” lately, making decisions without thinking though and overall doing things that are perceived by others are very word and out of reality 

Yuta

love: he has been dating the same person since april and everything seems to be doing well. Yuta is very curious about them and everyday is a day where he learns new things and where he is stimulated. healthy relationship so far

career: i believe that Yuta was some serious issues with either the ceo of SM either his sponsor, because there’s a heavy masculine energy around him that has been mistreating him and Yuta is reaching his limit 

self: he has been distracted lately, more lazy and overall not so much with his head on what matters. yuta has slowly become more apathetic form things in general 

Doyoung

love: Doyoung is dating at the moment, although the relationship feels quite rush at the moment because they had a huge argument that almost made them split apart. he still has things on his throat that he wishes to say but he doesn't 

career: lately, he has been more on the introverted side. he doesn't spend time with his members nor does he want to be associated with people from sm or his group for reasons that are mostly personal to him. he also wants to be more respected there 

self: he hasn't been play lately, and although he receives some support from people outside, he has been ignoring them as much as he can 

Jaehyun

love: HE IS DATING!! pack it up, jaehyun is dating and actually for now the relationship is serious and balanced !! i don't have much information about it 

career: he is a little tired of the image he has. Because that image his fans have of him, does not allow him to be his true self. in the past years that didn't brothers him, but now as he grows older and his career is fixated, he is getting bored of it 

self: he is lost in his emotional turmoil. I believe that doyoung at the moment is just living his life aimlessly without much thought. this is quite sad, as i feel like he  has lost his spark as well 

Jungwoo

love: his love life is complicated. He is dating but this person wants things that he cannot give and also because they have way too much influence on him. so he just follows that without putting his own needs in the relationship 

career: some complications but overall he is okay. He just needs to be careful with the type of image he gives to others outside his idol image. because it can rub the wrong people in the wrong ways

self: I am worried about the type of lifestyle he has been living. since these things could potentially have a bad impact on his health in the future. Jungwoo isn't exactly very conscious of the things he does 

Mark

love: I believe that Mark is in a relationship with someone else (not his idol ex) and that he is happy with this person but he is still.. well a little bit scared due to how his past relationship ended 

career: he isn't really okay with everything that has been happening. mark feels like the company gives him way too much to do and he often has to sacrifice projects to due others, because his schedule is too tight. he wishes to have a little more freedom to choose instead of allowing the company to take decisions for him 

self: he is okay, he has just been very anxious lately because of some things he has no control over. the fact that he cannot control these is what makes him anxious. But other than that, he is okay 

Haechan

love: he is in a relationship at the moment, but he feels.. well bored? as if this relationships isn't bringing him any pleasure or contentment and he is just in there because he doesn't want to be alone 

career: Haechan is rather satisfied with his career and how things are going. he has a good relationship with everyone he works it and honestly it feels like he does his job because he likes t and has fun  

self: lately it has been complicated with him. Haechan still uses his unhealthy coping mechanism whenever he's having a hard time. and lately, well he has been overall struggling with his mental health 

[inksandpensblog]

where I sit regarding the Note Block Concert

I guess where I’m coming from with this episode is that, as an appreciator of Tom & Jerry skits, I’m looking at everything that happens in this episode through that sort of narrative framing.

And I don’t really think about how Tom feels when Jerry sabotages him, or whether the sabotage is justified or if it’s going too far. I just enjoy watching him be sabotaged.

I’m not assigning any moral judgement, when I talk about this episode. Not to Green, not to the silverfish, not to the color gang, and not to the fandom. I’m not out to villainize anyone involved.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with being sympathetic toward Green in this. The silverfish did get in his way and interfere with his ability to just play the music and vibe with the performance, and then not only did his own production (which he’d undoubtedly put a lot of work into, because Green always puts a lot of work into whatever he does) get taken over by a swarm, but he got personally upstaged on his big day; and all over something he has such passion for and such an abiding connection with, too. I completely understand how that could’ve thrown him off-kilter. I completely understand how he would’ve felt cheated and robbed and disrespected. I completely understand how fans might empathize with his dejection, his frustration, his anger. I understand where people would see things like that, in this episode.

I understand why people would say Green went too far. I understand why people would say Green didn’t go far enough. I understand why people would sympathize with Green. I understand why people would sympathize with the silverfish.

My approach is different, however, and because of that I don’t see it the same way.

Because, even as I acknowledge all the complicated things I’d expect a person in Green’s position to be feeling…none of it influences my interpretation of the episode at all.

I’m not saying the silverfish was in the right. I’m saying the silverfish was fun to watch.

I’m also not saying that Green was in the right, because to me that doesn’t matter as much as Green being fun to watch.

I watch this episode, and what I see is the framework of a Tom-&-Jerry-esque formula at work in the dynamic between Green and the silverfish, and that shapes my perception of this episode’s story. I’m not thinking about how the characters feel beyond how it influences their actions; I’m thinking about how they’ll respond to the other’s aggravation. I don’t care if what they’re doing is justified, I don’t care who’s in the right; I care about what would be funniest and who’s the most entertaining.

I know that’s a far cry from my usual angle, but that’s just what this one is to me.

To me, it’s a story of two little bastards engaging in an arbitrary war against each other while fantastic music bolsters their absurd antics, and it doesn’t get any deeper than that.

[caramel-covered-apples]

politics vs. genocide

this is what they want us to believe when we think of the palestinian genocide. they want us to believe that this is a debate or conflict among individuals or parties having or hoping to achieve power. they want us to believe that this is a governmental activity.

no. this is not a conflict, not a war, not a debate, not something to keep quiet on because it’s “too political.” this is not political. this is the ethnic cleansing of millions of people. this is the slaughtering of women, men, children, elderly, pets, loved ones, friends, family.

this is not a conflict. why? because it has escalated. a conflict is defined as such:

this is not a serious disagreement or argument. this is not a simple argument that can be resolved with an easy solution. this is not something to be stuffed into a singular word with only two definitions when people’s lives are at stake every single day, every hour, every minute, every second.

a child in gaza dies every 10 minutes.

put that into perspective. most households have 3-9 people, depending on where you live, and 2-5 of those people are kids.

say you’re doing the laundry. 10 minutes pass, and then one of those kids dies.

20 minutes pass. the neighbor’s kid dies.

30 minutes pass. the kid you saw at the store the other day who wouldn’t stop crying dies.

everyday people with everyday lives and dreams that you won’t remember, and I’m not blaming you. they’re just background noise, and why would you wanna remember the kid that wouldn’t stop screaming about his toy that fell on the ground?

but they are children, regardless. they could’ve had the chance to live, to grow, to learn, no matter how forgettable they are, and they didn’t.

there are 1,440 minutes in a day.

divide that by ten.

144 children in gaza, some just turning one, some barely out of the womb, some nearing adulthood, some just breaking into their teenage years.

144 children in gaza, who perish at the hands of israel.

this is not a war, either. why? because a war means both sides are fighting against each other. palestine is not fighting back in the sense that they are fighting with an army, because that has been revoked. (this is not to say palestine isn't fighting back, it's just that their means of defense has been stripped away)

this is a war. armed conflict. palestine is not armed. palestine is helpless while bombs are being dropped on innocent people.

do you see palestine on the front lines? no, you don't, because everything has been taken from them - electricity, water, medical aid, a military, their land - while israel has bombs and fundings from the usa and other countries. israel has an army. israel has hospitals that aren't reduced to rubble because of airstrikes. israel has clean water that people can drink from freely. israel has warm places to stay and safe places to sleep.

palestine doesn't.

this is not a debate.

a debate is defined as such:

this is not formal. this is not something to be discussed. it is facts.

palestine is under attack.

palestine is currently having bombs dropped on them.

we cannot debate this simply because there is nothing to debate about. zionists can pull the antisemitic card all they'd like and word the narrative differently so it's in their favor, but facts are facts. no matter how hard the damn pill is to swallow, you've got to take it or else you fall into sickness.

if you don't swallow the "speak-now-for-palestine" pill or the "genocide-isn't-political-it's-slaughter" pill, you fall into the sickness of complicity.

you comply with what they want. they want you to be silent. it gives them more support. they don't want you to speak. they want you to be obedient. they want you to live your consumeristic lives and wonder about whether you should buy an apple or a samsung instead of donating to families who need it more than you. they want you to remain focused on your first-world problems. they don't want you to look outward.

speak up for palestine, or you risk being on the wrong side of history. of things that will be in your children's textbooks and of their children and of their children.

[strwberri-milk]

hi!

maybe love and deepspace guys (okay, rafayel) with an asexual reader? but, uh, hurt-comfort, you know. maybe them talking things out when reader reacts in a confusing way, gets too nervous... whatever, scared, and is kinda being called out

sorryineedreassurance hahaha. ty in advance whether you decide to write this or not!! wish you all the inspiration <3

i honestly think rafs somewhere on the spec too like. i dont see him being super super into casual hookups when you consider in his story how. absolutely whipped he is - also bc there wasnt really any specifications about reader's asexuality so im keeping it as general as possible

Rafayel feels very strongly about you. He adores everything about you and would be happy to do literally any and everything as long as it's with you. Sometimes, his feelings result in him seeking your presence in physical forms, clinging onto you desperately and trying to crawl under your skin.

Sometimes when things get a little too heated he has a tendency to get over excited. But once he feels you resisting against him he'll stop immediately and ask you what's wrong. He's being very careful trying not to overstep your boundaries but when you refuse his advances for the nth time he starts to worry that you don't actually like him as much as he thought you did.

He tries to talk to you about it but you don't seem to want to talk much. He'll let you get away with it for a while but one day he'll sit you down to seriously talk to you about why you're growing more adverse to him touching you. You start off by telling him that it's not that you're afraid of him touching you but it's a little more complicated than that.

He's concerned, trying to understand if he's done something to you. He's uncharacteristically serious for once, making you panic. You don't like the sombre look on his face, the quiet that's so against his normal nature that you start babbling and acting defensive in hopes that he'll drop it. It just makes him retreat even more, worried that he did accidentally do something wrong.

You can't handle how upset he looks, taking his hands in yours and promising him that you don't hate him. You slowly start to explain your feelings, that you love him more than anything but your sexual attraction/urges are a little different but it's not because you don't love him. He listens quietly as you tell him as much as you can, hoping your explanation is enough for him.

He understands better now that you're explaining it to him, nodding and taking things in slowly. He promises that it doesn't matter to him - all he wants is you, in whatever capacity you're willing to give him. He swears it, holding you tightly and reassuring you that he means it. He's waiting for you this long - all he wants is to make sure you're happy with him.

[mercymaker]

had a bit of an epiphany this morning!!

so, in mal's playthrough, astarion's romance scene happens a bit before they wipe the goblin camp, meaning that when he propositioned her at the tiefling party, it's not the first time they slept together.

however, i realized that one of the main tiefling party activities was drinking. and mal is incredibly lightweight, so she made sure to take it slow, but even with that in mind, she got quite drunk. and by the time the party started to die down and half the people were either passed out or getting involved in uh- other activities, maleane stumbled her way to astarion's tent, eager to experience all that he'd promised.

and while at first everything was going according to plan and he thought that she was just a bit tipsy, it soon became obvious that mal's really drunk. not only was she slurring her words and finding it difficult to keep up with what's happening, she's also too intoxicated to pretend and keep up her act.

so, she ended up being surprisingly honest. and vulnerable. and i think that's when astarion found out a thing or two about her. how that other time they slept together, it was her first time. how she was looking forward to this to see if it felt better. how she was nervous he was going to bite her again and even though eventually it felt good, the very initial pain and the whole experience scared her.

he realized that it was the moment he could get anything from her. any information he needed to manipulate her. and while he did ask some things at first, the whole thing felt off. mal was too vulnerable even for him to take advantage of.

and that was exactly the moment it started. the uncomfortable realization that he cared about her. astarion didn't find that thought very appealing, however, as it complicated an already chaotic situation, so he just decided not to think too much about it and just leave all those conflicting feelings in a drawer he wasn't using very often.

and poor mal, kissing him through the haze, fingers clinging desperately to his body, felt so confused when he didn't keep going. when he stopped. she thought he rejected her because he didn't want her. that maybe she did something wrong. she asked him whether he wanted her to leave. but before astarion could elaborate on his witty "oh, gods no, you might end up inside gale's tent" answer, mal was already passed out underneath him. and that gave him a lot of time to think about her. about all the information she'd divulged.