#and literally wrote fanfic for it. like that was monumental i never write fanfic because it's too hard

[cowboyskeletons]

*insane about media voice* i am normal about media

[buckets-and-trees]

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

link to ask more questions

Thanks for the ask, Navy!

In this season of my life one of the things I get out of writing is healing part of who I am. I was a creative child and when I was 13 one day in English class my teacher gave us an assignment to write a short story in the computer lab during that hour, and ... I discovered that I liked doing that and my teacher said it was very good. I'd been a voracious reader, but I'd never thought of writing my own stuff before that day.

In high school I played around with writing a little bit, but not too much. In college I did a LOT of fanfic and was on track to be an English teacher by day and budding novelist by night, but then I discovered a totally different career path about halfway through, and I kept writing for fun, but went all in on career stuff after graduating.

I threw myself completely into work for the first 8-9 years of my career, also took time getting a master's degree... Finishing both my degrees depleted my energy for writing for a while, but I was spending a lot of my brain power on work. And I love my job and career. But about a week before the pandemic lockdown, a pretty monumental thing happened at work that made me realize that I had to start living a life outside of work and only give work 40 hours of my life per week, because they didn't care about me to the levels that I had invested in them.

I started reading fanfic again in 2021. I started playing around just a touch, but then last year I decided that I needed to really invest time into my hobbies again just to enrich my own life on a regular basis, not an occasional basis.

I adore the craft of writing. I love building story in my head. I like scribbling away little notes on my phone when a random idea strikes. There's nothing quite like the stories that come up where the idea can consume me and it literally just pours out when I sit down to type. Some of my writing has helped me to work out things I'm thinking about in my personal life. Some of it is total wish fulfillment. Some of it is to challenge myself in new genres or new characters. I like the accomplished feeling of just finishing something. Even though I wrote a lot of stuff in the HP fandom during my college time (mostly one-shots), I never finished any of my WIPs back then (I had 4-5 of them), and so when I finished posting the 12 official parts of The Brooklyn Boys, I got a HUGE amount of satisfaction!

And now that I've jumped back into the community part of the fandom and fanfic writing again, it's also been so enriching to engage with people here - whether it's just the casual comments, baby acquaintance level, new friendships that are in starting stages, or people I feel like I'm genuinely building bonds with that I'll treasure for years... that part is pretty great, too.

My goal this year is to write and complete my first original fiction novel - just like my old HP fandom days, I started a few different original fic projects way back, but never finished. It's going to be my big summer project, and I've been scribbling away some notes on 2-3 big ideas. I think I know which one I want to go all in on first, but I want to have multiple irons in the fire just so I don't feel like I get stuck on anything.

THAT WAS A LOT OF TALKING. But anyway. Abrupt end of post now because we don't need a novel here.

[drivingsideways]

How do you handle feeling discouraged when a fic/piece of writing doesn't do as well as you wanted or anticipated?

- From a baby writer who really wants people to look at her work.

Hi fellow baby-writer! The truth is, the first week after I publish a fic and get very few hits and fewer kudos, I'm totally miserable. It all feels pointless! It's all very well for people to say "you write for yourself"- but no, the act of posting it, sharing it with the world has completely changed that. Now it's out there, and for what? To be completely ignored?

Yeah, so the first week is bad, and then the things I *do * know about fanfic and publishing fanfic bubble up to the top of my brain space.

- First, kudos and hits are not an indicator of quality. They're just an indicator, I think, mostly of the fandom zeitgeist . If you're writing the fandom popular pairing, your hits/ kudos count will go up. If you just happened to strike it lucky- publishing at *just* the right time to ride the wave of the popularity of whatever media you're writing fic for, then it will go up. You've picked a popular trope or style in fandom- wowzah, amaze, watch the kudos counter increase steadily. I wrote a joke fic for a popular pairing in a fandom last year, and it's the most kudos-ed fic of mine for 2021; I wrote an epic, heart rending fic in the same fandom for a rare pair, that was clearly the better fic by all *writerly * standards- *crickets *.

-Second, I know from years of reading fanfic, that I sometimes forget to leave a kudos or a comment, or I think "I don't have the time right now, I'll go back and comment later" and never do, and sometimes I can see the fic is really nicely written, but it just wasn't what I was looking for, so I back out after a chapter, etc. None of this reader behaviour is something the writer is in control of or can even influence to a large degree. More and more I feel, fanfic has become just one of those things we consume and consume, and it's free (for the consumer) and the platforms we use to publish or promote our fic also encourage that kind of engagement. AO3 doesn't *want * to be social media, but it exists in a weird space in between, for sure. So I tend to think that the kind of engagement we get as writers publishing content there, reflects that. So: there's nothing as a writer that I can do about it, but knowing how it feels to be on both sides of the fence, I can only try to be more thoughtful as a reader, and remind myself of this when I'm feeling low as a writer.

Basically, don't think of audience engagement as a measure of quality. When you do find people interested in what you have to say, treasure them, and engage with them.

Third, find your writerly community, even if it's just you and one other person screaming over chat past midnight. They'll shore you up and tell you you're the greatest writer since Jane Austen, and you won't believe it at all, but you'll realize your work isn't entirely worthless. Also, be that person to other writers.

Fourth, and finally: we *do * write because we can't help it. The story is in us, and it needs to take concrete shape outside of our brains. It's a creative act, and it comes with all the joys (and sorrows) associated with any such monumental thing, whether that's five hundred words or a 100k.

So tl-dr, try and practice mentally divorcing the act and process of writing from the act and process of publishing. The second part is nothing you can control, the first is all you, baby. It's totally ok to stop publishing fic, if all it does is make you feel bad, and then publish again when you feel ready to.

But never give up on the writing! Take a break: six months, 1 year, 2 years- but you'll find it's literally the easiest thing to come back to when the time is right. Your brain will be like ohhhh, this feels familiar and good and simultaneously like tearing out my teeth because why are words so hard? But you'll do it, because you are a writer. I say this as someone who takes long long long breaks in between "producing" anything: it's fine, you'll know when the time is right, and never think to yourself, I'm done with writing, because trust me, writing isn't done with you.

[kbstories]

I usually do a fic rec list of personal favorites every year on Fanfiction Writer’s Appreciation Day (August 21st) and I realized I didn’t do one in 2019 so here’s a list of my personal

One Piece Fanfic Favs 🏴‍☠️🌟!!

Keeping up with the tradition, this list exclusively features works that could use more love thrown their way! OP is a pretty big fandom, so I set the limit at max. 300 kudos. Please enjoy and leave plenty of kudos & comments if you can (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Previous rec lists: Metal Gear / The Witcher

***

burn before the fire by shishiswordsman (@shishiswordsman)

Kicking this list off with one of my absolute favorites. This is a Wano Arc look into Luffy’s headspace through Law’s eyes, and it’s amazing. Stellar characterization, great pacing, I truly adore this fic.

(Sneaky double rec with shadow rises (and you are here) by the same author because my god do I burn for the Luffy-used-to-be-a-slave AU and this is my favorite rendition of it hrghhh my heart)

Stasis by ImperialMint (@imperialmint)

Pure Strawhat nakamaship hurt/comfort goodness. This was one of the first fics I read for this fandom and it scratches an itch for Luffy sacrificing himself for his crew and his crew taking care of Luffy in turn so wonderfully. Please mind the tags, though!

At The End of The Day by Artificial_Starlight

Bending the 300 kudos rule for this one because it’s a longfic and it’s criminal how few kudos this has. This is a true feast of a LawLu Modern AU if I’ve ever seen one. I adore everything from worldbuilding to plot to characterization. It’s one of those stories that makes you run to AO3 whenever it updates. You won’t regret catching up with it, I promise.

Scrapyard by Milo (@musasuchus)

SCREAMS FROM THE ROOFTOPS this is the first kidkiller fic I came across and it lit a fire under my ass for this ship y’all I can’t even describe it. It’s a collection of snapshots from Kidd & Killer’s lives with an ace!Killer HC I?? adore?? Anyhow if I could delete my memory and read it with fresh eyes I would hhhh

The storm ended already (so you should stop shaking) by Amazaria (@amazaria)

Listen. This fic has everything I needed from a post-Water 7 scenario and more because it’s focused on Usopp & Nami and I just. I’m so soft. This made me so soft. It’s so good. Please read it.

Illness on the High Seas by mydetheturk (@mydetheturk)

I’m one of those idiots who is so focused on the Most Popular Boys that I get tunnel vision from it and then there comes a fic that shows me what a monumentally stupid move that is. Myde writes those fics by the regular and I adore all her writing but this fic specifically is so very good and so very underappreciated. It’s a Coby-and-Brook story about shipwide illnesses and those who keep things together. It’s sad and hopeful and wonderful, my heart is so full.

sacrifice by wbtrashking (@quillifer)

This one is a swift but deadly roundhouse kick to the heart. It delves into an aspect to Law’s powers that makes me anxious to even think about in the context of Wano (or any fight with high stakes, really) and Ash sharpened that potential to its best possible effect. Straight to the point, absolutely heart-wrenching, join me in Law feels hell please!!!

(Ash also wrote a kidkiller one-shot called familiarity for me and I’m aware this will sound very biased but it’s the best thing I’ve ever witnessed with my own two eyeballs. Timeskip Kidd & Killer being soft around each other, my crops are forever watered... thank you...)

Breathing Easy (And All Its Associated Complications) by Trixree (@trixree)

This fic gave me a lot of emotions I didn’t know where the fuck to put, it’s just so good and unique and my soul burns just thinking about this. I never really considered the monster trio as an OT3 constellation before this but I certainly am since I read this. Pre-timeskip figuring out of feelings and polyamory, my god my heart aches.

Scrapyard Remnants by threesipsmore

Another kidkiller classic in my eyes. It’s an exploration of pre-canon Kidd & Killer, how they grew up and came to be and I just love this a lot. It was written before the Wano revelations of late, and I can’t express enough respect for tackling these characters in such a believable way with how little we knew of them back then.

toragara by Origamidragons (@oriigami)

This is one of those tattoo-it-across-my-body-this-is-amazing kind of reads where every line is so good and hits so deep and it stays with you for a long time. It’s an AU where Zoro is a tiger shifter... person roaming Goa where Luffy stumbles upon him, and I’m a little mad it’s not actually canon because it’s so unique and I adore the idea. Anyhow. Read it or die by my sword(s).

God’s gonna trouble the water by hongmunmu (@dragonkov)

Reading this is an experience that’s so visceral it’s hard to describe. It’s a what-if scenario for Water 7 where Usopp dies before he can grab Luffy’s hand and escape with the crew, and it’s exactly as emotional and harrowing as that sounds. This author’s grasp on Usopp and the entire crew is unparalleled and I literally haven’t stopped thinking about this fic ever since I read it.

***

That’s it for now! Feel free to add to this list if you like and as always a huge THANK YOU to the writers of this fandom for their amazing work c:

[takerfoxx]

In response to JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, my (former) idols

I really didn’t want to have to do this.

So in addition to…=gestures vaguely=…all of that, the last few months have been kind of sucky when it comes to learning some really unpleasant things about artists that I looked up to, admired, and was in fact inspired by. I’ve already spoken about the Speaking Out movement revealing a lot of ugly behavior from various wrestlers, some of which I was big fans of, and then later we got Chris Jericho being a full-on MAGA. Yeah, that all sucked. But those were just performers whose work I enjoyed watching. The one that really hurt were writers who I deeply admired, whose stories I love, and who I was heavily influenced by.

The first, of course, was finding out that JK Rowling, the author of perhaps the single biggest YA fantasy series of all time Harry Potter, is a TERF. This really sucked for a number of reasons. Firstly, I really like Harry Potter! I mean, I’m not a super fan or anything. I came into it when things were kind of dying down, like the whole book series had already been released and there were only a few movies left, but I still really enjoyed it, have all the books and movies and a fair amount of merchandise swag, including a nifty wand I got at Universal Studios. Shit, I got two replicas of the Sword of Griffyindor, thanks to them screwing up my order in my favor and sending me a duplicate! They’re on my wall right across from me as I type this!

But in addition to writing a book series I really liked, JK Rowling was supposed to be one the good guys. She’s been vocally progressive, often openly comes down on British right-wing nonsense, has supported various persecuted minorities, and is on record as being one of the few self-made billionaires to actually stop being a billionaire for a time because she donated so much money to charity. And while we mock it now, her revealing Dumbledore as gay was a huge deal at the time. Plus, she cultivated this reputation as Auntie Jo, that cool, supportive aunt we all wanted.

But for a while her stock has been dropping. Her preference for confirming “representation” via tweets instead of explicitly putting it in the text of her stories has raised the question of queer-baiting, especially with a whole-ass movie with a young Dumbledore and Grindelwald to make their relationship explicit but failing to do so. The whole Nagini thing from the latest Fantastic Beasts movie was pretty gross. And re-examination of various problematic elements from the original novels has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. Now, none of these really looked to be intentionally malicious, of course. Just about everyone’s early work will have problematic elements; that’s just how people work. And the later stuff smacked more of ignorance than anything. But after all this time, it’s like, c’mon. You should know better by now.

But the biggie came when her transphobic views finally came to light. Now, this one had been brewing for a while, due to some questionable likes and statements on her twitter. But then she decided to just go public and published what essentially amounts to a TERF manifesto, one with a very “love the sinner, hate the sin” condescending attitude and had a real persecution complex air to it.

Now, I’m not going to go into detail about what the manifesto was about, what the circumstances surrounding it were, or how wrong it was. It’s already been raked over the coals, dissected, answered, and debunked in detail by people far more qualified than me, so odds are, you’re already well aware of its contents and the subsequent rebuttals. But the gist of it comes down to her basically believing that transwomen are actually cis men claiming to be trans so as to infiltrate and invade female-only spaces.

Yeah.

Okay, that’s gross, but…why? Why is someone so noted for being progressive and wanting to foster an inclusive environment making this the hill of exclusion that she wants to die on?

Well, that’s where things get tricky. She mentions that prior to Harry Potter, her first marriage was highly physically and sexually abusive, and when she escaped from that, she had no place to go, leading her to be homeless for a time.

Oh.

Well, that makes sense. Someone goes through a highly traumatic experience with a member of the opposite sex, has no support structure when she escapes it, is left to fend for herself, only to suddenly get rocketed into fame, fortune, and influence, which in turn leads to a Never Again mentality. She was hurt, no one was there to help her, and now she’s afraid of men invading women-only spaces to victimize others like she was victimized. So…literally transphobic. Literally a Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist.

Guys, this is so fucked up. Like, how do you even approach something like this? She’s a victim in every sense of the word, so of course she’s going to have physiological damage and a warped view of things. I mean, if I found out that a close friend of mine went through the same thing and had the same prejudices, I would be nothing but sympathetic! I mean, I’d still do what I can to convince her to overcome those prejudices, but I’d still show sympathy and support for what she went through.

Abuse warps people. There’s a reason why so many abusers are abuse survivors themselves. It makes you terrified of being hurt again and often causes people to adopt toxic behaviors, beliefs, and reactions to protect themselves. I’ve already talked about it at length while discussing She-Ra and its own handling of the cycle of abuse, which included franks discussions of Catra’s horrible behavior, why she was the way she was, while never losing sympathy for her and rooting for her to overcome it. So if JK Rowling is an abuse survivor, is it really right to come down on her for having warped views because of that abuse?

But that’s the problem. See, she isn’t your troubled friend that you’re trying to help. She isn’t your cousin Leslie who’s a really sweet person but unfortunately adopted some bad ideals due to trauma suffered. She JK freakin’ ROWLING, one of the most famous, wealthy, and influential women in the world. She has a platform of millions, if not billions, which means her voice lends credibility to her bigoted beliefs. Alt-righters and other TERFs have already swooped upon this for giving validation to their awful beliefs, which puts trans people even more at risk. And as horrible as Rowling’s experiences might have been, the trans community is often the victim of far worse, and they don’t have a mountain of money and an army of defenders to protect them like she does. I’ve said it time and time again: just because you’re a victim, that doesn’t give you the right to victimize others! And bringing things back to Catra, as much as I loved her redemption in the final season, she was still a TERRIBLE PERSON for a huge chunk of the show, one that needed to be stood up to and stopped.

So yeah. That’s the messiness that is JK Rowling.

Now, let’s talk about the one that really hurts. Let’s talk about Joss Whedon.

I’ve made no secret of what a huge Whedon fan I am. Unlike Rowling, I was a HUUUUUGE superfan. Seeing Serenity for the first time in theaters was akin to a religious awakening to me as a storyteller, making it one of my top three movies of all time. Firefly is my favorite show ever. And I adored Buffy, Angel, and Dollhouse as well. I love Cabin in the Woods and The Avengers. The very first fanfic I ever wrote was a Firefly fanfic that disappeared along with my old laptop. I know his style isn’t for everyone, but I cannot understate how much of a personal inspiration he is to me as a writer.

And like Rowling, Joss was supposed to be one of the good guys! Buffy was monumental in pushing the needle when it came to female empowerment. Will and Tara were groundbreaking as a gay couple. He’s been outspoken for years about his feminist views and beliefs and was seen as one of the most prominent and influential feminist voices in Hollywood!

And then things started to go bad.

One day he was on top of the world, the mastermind behind the first two Avenger movies. And the next, it seemed like he was in freefall. It’s hard to really pinpoint exactly when the change took place. Some would say him being brought in as a last-minute substitute for Zack Snyder to take over on Justice League after Snyder had to leave due to family tragedy, and the subsequent awful critical reception to that film tarnishing his image, even if those were very unique circumstances that couldn’t really be blamed on him. Others might point to Age of Ultron’s less than stellar reception, as well as criticism of some questionable jokes and certain creative decisions regarding the character of Black Widow, which then led to a more critical examination of how Whedon continues to write female characters, as while his work might have been revolutionary in the 90’s, his failure to evolve with the times had meant that many of his portrayals are now woefully outdated and problematic, with his vision for a Batgirl movie getting hit with a lot of backlash as a result.

Again, I’m not going to go into too much detail, as this is all public knowledge and can be easily looked up, but overall it seemed that Whedon entered into a period where he was getting criticized more than he was celebrated, and his image of a guaranteed hit maker was now in doubt.

But all of this wasn’t the big problem. All creators go through rises and slumps, and everyone hits points where they get hit with a barrage of criticism; that’s just part of being a public creative figure, especially a progressive one. And had nothing happened after, it would have probably faded, got forgotten, and Whedon would have moved onto the next project with no fuss.

But as it turned out, it wasn’t just a minor slump in his career. Instead, it was the priming of the pump.

In 2016, Whedon divorced his wife of sixteen years, Kai Cole, and in an open letter, Kai Cole accused him of being a serial cheater, who would have affairs with a great many women, from co-workers, to actresses, to friends, to even his fans. And in addition to raising questions of him possibly abusing his position as showrunner to elicit sex from those working on his projects, there also is the ugly question of how could someone who speaks so highly of women then go and backstab the person who was supposed to be the most important woman in his life, as well as lying to her and denying her the autonomy of deciding whether or not she even wanted to continue to have a relationship with him?

Furthermore, Whedon himself has not explicitly denied these accusations, and comments made by him seem only to confirm them.

Now if you’ll recall, I reacted publicly to this news, and despite my admiration of Whedon’s work, I came down on Kai Cole’s side, and stated that while things like marriage issues and infidelity were no one’s business but that of the couple’s, it did raise a lot of uncomfortable questions about how Whedon treated the women in his life and he really needed to get his shit in order.

But hey, a messy private life and a guy falling into temptation isn’t that big of a deal, right? Plenty of creators also go through multiple marriages and have problems staying faithful and still continue making great art. We’re all human, it’s a stressful job, and this shit just happens, right? Sure, it’s gross and a shitty thing to do, but ain’t no business of ours, right?

In late 2020, actor Ray Fisher, who played the role of Cyborg in Justice League, openly accused Joss Whedon of fostering a hostile work environment, claiming that the director’s behavior was abusive and unprofessional, and that Whedon in turn was protected by DC executives.

DC and Warner Bros. came down against Fisher, claiming they had done an internal investigation that turned up no evidence of wrongdoing (yeah, sure they did), and soon Fisher was out as Cyborg, apparently for rocking the boat.

But then Charisma Carpenter, noted for her important role as Cordelia Chase in both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, then spoke up, claiming to be inspired by Fisher in doing so. She described Whedon did indeed foster a hostile work environment on his projects, that his often acted in a toxic manner, from asking incredibly invasive and inappropriate questions regarding her pregnancy to insulting her on set. She said that she made excuses for him for years, but after undergoing a lot of therapy and reading what Ray Fisher had to say, she felt compelled to speak out.

And this just open the floodgates. Other actors and actresses also came forward, some with stories of their own, others to offer support. Even Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, confirmed Carpenter’s stories and said that she no longer wanted to be associated with Whedon. Michelle Trachtenberg, who played the character of Dawn, stated that she also experienced toxic treatment from Whedon despite her being a minor at the time, and says that the set had a rule that Whedon wasn’t allowed to be alone with her again, which really raises some sickening questions of what happened the first time. Even male stars have spoken out, from words of support and apologies for not speaking up earlier from Anthony Stewart Head and David Boreanaz, to an earlier interview with James Marsters, in which he described being terrified of Whedon, mainly due to an instance when Whedon was frustrated with the popularity of Marsters’s character of Spike messing with his plans and physically and verbally taking it out on the actor. There have been many corroborating stories of Whedon being casually cruel on set, on seemingly taking delight in making his fellow show writers cry, and even the man himself admitting to enjoying fostering a hostile work environment during his director commentary of the Avengers. We’ve joked about Whedon’s supposed sadism for years, but that was in regards to how he treated the characters in his stories, not the people helping him make them!

So yeah. That’s the problem with Joss Whedon.

So, do I think that Joss Whedon is somehow some kind of sociopath who lied about his feminist principles and deliberately put on a progressive façade specifically to get into a position of power so he could torment people? No, of course not. I think he was sincere about his beliefs, and I do think he didn’t realize the wrongness of his behavior. But that’s kind of the problem. See, it’s one thing to have kind of a trollishness to your nature, a sort of sadistic side. No one can help that. But when someone with that quality gets put into a position of power in which they are protected by both the higher-ups and their legions of fans, they are allowed to mistreat and continue to mistreat people. And by never suffering any consequences, that sort of toxic behavior becomes internalized, becomes a habit, becomes their moda operandi. And when you’re constantly getting praised as a creative genius and a wonderful feminist voice, any self-criticism just gets wiped away, and you think yourself above reproach, leading to what Joss Whedon became and went on being.

And you know what scares me the most about this particular issue? It’s not that I am a fan of his stories. It’s that I can so easily see myself turning out the same way.

Look, I’ll be upfront about it: I’m kind of a sadist myself. You’ve seen it in my stories, you’ve seen me gloating after a particularly dark plot twist makes my readers freak out. That sort of stuff is fun to me. There’s a reason why I have a much easier time in the dark and violent scenes, because I’m channeling something ugly within me. We all have a dark side, and this is mine.

But UNLIKE Whedon, that doesn’t carry over to how I treat people in real life (unless Monopoly or Mario Party are involved, then it’s fair game). Maybe it’s because I wasn’t given the sort of power and praise he did so early, and I was always taught to be considerate of other people’s feelings, but if I ever find out that I hurt another person or went too fair, I feel TERRIBLE, and it just throws me off all day until I apologize. Even if I don’t notice right away that what I said or did wasn’t cool (autistic, remember?), when it’s pointed out to me and I have some time to think on it, yeah, the guilt is on and I make a point to apologize to whoever I’ve hurt. I’ve even made a point to apologize to members of my family for inconsiderate stuff I said years ago as a little punk kid because it wouldn’t stop bugging me.

So maybe Whedon got too big, too fast. Maybe putting people on these sorts of pedestals, especially progressive ones, is ultimately a bad thing.

So where does this leave us? How are we to treat JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, one who developed a lot of transphobia due to abuse suffered while the other became a toxic individual due to unchecked control and a lack of consequences? Can we still enjoy their stories despite them now being colored by their creators’ falls from grace? Can we separate the art from the artist, or do we have to do a clean split?

Honestly, I feel that has to come down to the individual. I can’t remove the influence Rowling and Whedon have had on me as a storyteller, and I still highly respect both of their talents despite taking major issue with their problems as people. And I’m not going go throw away all of my Harry Potter or Firefly stuff. Because that’s my stuff. It has value to me, it doesn’t represent the issues with their creators, and a lot of it was gifts from people who are dear to me. Though I do think it’ll be a long time before I return to either of their work, as I just don’t have the stomach for it now.

But I will be avoiding any projects they have in the future. I don’t want to put money in their pockets that might go on to support their toxic beliefs or behavior. And as for royalties for their past work that would also support the cast and crew of the Harry Potter films or those who worked on Whedon’s shows who do not deserve to lose money because we don’t want any of that money going to the creators? Er, that question is a little above my paygrade. I don’t know. You’ll have to all decide for yourselves. As for me, I still have a lot of thinking to do.

Regardless though, if I or anyone else is still able to enjoy their work, then it’s important to not divorce what these people said or did from the art they created, even if it makes enjoying that art less fun. It’s important to be critical about what we enjoy, to acknowledge the bad aspects along with the good, and open up discussion of those elements, because that’s what mature adults are supposed to do. 

And as for JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, whose stories I love, whose talent I admire, and whose past good work I’ll happily acknowledge, I do hope they both experience some sort of realization and enter into a period of self-examination that leads to them getting help for their issues, for Rowling to get help in coming to terms with her trauma and realizing that she’s wrong about the trans community and a full apology, and for Whedon to also come to terms with his toxic behavior and how he treats people, for him to make no excuse for what he did and sincerely apologize to those he hurt and work on bettering himself, as well as them both examining some of the more problematic tropes still present in their works. Because despite everything, I do feel that they can still be a creative force of good, and it would be a shame if they let themselves self-destruct.

But if not, then if it comes down to choosing between Rowling and the protecting the trans community, if it comes down between choosing between letting Whedon continue to make shows and protecting actors and writers from his abusive behavior, then I know who I’m siding with, and it ain’t the two individuals this whole essay is about. No story, no matter how good, no matter how creative, is worth letting sacrificing vulnerable people in order for it to be made.

[enchi-elm]

2020 Fanfic Year in Review

Tagged by the incomparable @the-desk-fairy and the effervescent @tortoisesshells. I’ve kind of combined the two tag games because I thought they were similar.

(aside: I agree that @the-desk-fairy‘s Ben/Sarah modern app designer/sustainability activist/resident badass AU is highly underrated and deserves more attention, so please lighten your day and laugh as you read You’ve Planted Something I Couldn’t Uproot.)

(aside #2: I also agree that @tortoisesshells‘ story Customs and Duties is phenomenal and is highly recommended for literally anyone who ever watched Pirates of the Caribbean, which is all of you, don’t lie, and loves nuanced drama.)

Also, I had no idea any of these statistics were available on AO3. Cool!

Total number of completed stories: 12. 12. Who am I.

Total number of words: 40071. Holy.

Fandoms written in: Turn: Washington’s Spies, and one cross-over into Yuri!!! On Ice, but I’m not sure it really counts.

Top 5 By Word Count:

1. You’ve Caught Me Between Wind and Water - Turn (24,550 words) 2. Blackwaters - Turn (3353 words) 3. stop being cruel - Turn (3323 words) 4. (what a life, what a life, what a life) - Turn (2310 words) 5. Not That Kind of Legend - Turn (1769 words)

Top 5 By Kudos:

1. You’ve Caught Me Between Wind and Water - Turn 2. Blessed Are The Meek - Turn 3. Return to Home - Turn 4. Carnival Games - Turn 5. Take it From Me (Pasta Night) - Turn

Top Fic Overall: 

You’ve Caught Me Between Wind and Water is my flagship. I would never have guessed that I could write something like that, or have the stamina for it. It pushed me and prodded me, and it felt monumental whenever I uploaded a chapter. In every way, it’s forced me to rework how I work: I had to learn how to write a plot, how to structure a chapter, how to think about relationships from new angles. And even as it’s on a hiatus for now while I sort out my life, it’s never far from my mind.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? Hahaha. Look. Nothing about this year has been expected. The last time I wrote fic was a one-shot or two last summer. Up until now, I’ve never been part of a fandom. So this is all new.

What’s your own favourite story of the year?

I have a special fondness for Blessed are the Meek.

Did you take any writing risks this year?

Oh my g-d. stop being cruel. My first explicit fic that was solely explicit. And my first ever published explicit scenes in Wind and Water. Wasn’t expecting stop being cruel to become the start of a series, either. Writing erotica is hard.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

Continue on Wind and Water. And continue learning from the incredible fandom community I’ve found. And learn to plot better.

Most popular story of the year?

You’ve Caught Me Between Wind and Water, hands down.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Dockside. I wrote it on my phone while sitting on the balcony of a friend’s place I was crashing at in the summer (during a pandemic), watching squirrels chase each through a row of silver maples. It’s a sweet moment in time, so the story is dear to me. 

Most fun story to write?

Dockside :)

Most unintentionally telling story?

Nope.

Biggest disappointment?

Stalling on Chapter 8 of Wind and Water. It features a lot of turning points, a lot of new information and sets up Act II, basically. So it’s been a challenge.

Biggest surprise:

That anyone cared! No, seriously, I’ve been floored and astounded when the writers I admire most turn around and go, “Oh, it’s you! I know you!” Connecting with people through fandom has been the best joy 2020 has given me.

Phew! Long post. I taaaaaag @iheartcardioids, @crepuscularpetrichor, @lucyemers, @ladytp, @meretriciouslyloquacious, @townhulls, @annabrolena, @major-721, @tallmadgeandtea, @riotsofbloom (ey, you!), and @lupismaris

[disregardcanon]

end of year writing meme

Total Stories Written: 27

Total Words Written: 147413 Average Words Per Story: if you do the mean, then it’s 5,459 Shortest Story: the aftermath of rebirth at 338 words Longest: Paint a New Horizon at 23,673 words

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

I wrote fewer stories than I expected, but they were far longer than I expected. I wrote a lot of 11k fics. 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write most?

pairing: Sansa/Margaery (throwback to 2015 omg) 

genre: I don’t feel like I had a certain genre I wrote a lot of tbh. 

fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

THE POKEMON GAMES! Like, oh my god. I wrote fanfiction about soul silver. I wrote fanfiction about POKEMON WHITE. what. the fuck. Like, technically the first fic i ever wrote was about pokemon but i never expected to do it again. 

Did you take any writing risks this year?

I wrote 2 very long asoiaf fics about difficult subject matter. Combined, they add up to more than 40 thousand words of fic. 

Do you have any fanfic or general writing goals for the new year?

Fanfiction wise, I would like to finish up some of my wips and try to improve. 

In general, I would like to figure out more what I want my writing to look like moving forward and how to go about that. I’m experiencing some growing pains, so I need to reassess my style and strategy and see what I need to readjust moving forward. 

From the past year of writing, what was your…

Best story of this year: Paint a New Horizon

This feels like a bit of a cop out since it’s the longest, but I am very firmly the most proud of this fic out of anything I wrote this year. I feel like the emotional bits were satisfying, the romance worked nicely, and the action kept me interested in a way that almost never does. I was able to commit to TWENTY THREE THOUSAND WORDS and put my ALL INTO IT! that is. monumental for me. I’ve written long fics in the past, but those were chaptered and frankly, not as good as this one was or as much work. 

I love this verse so well that I might actually go back and write more in it later when I have time. I have the beginnings of a sequel ruminating around in my drats. 

Most popular story of this year: normally I split this up into multiple categories, but by hits, kudos, OR comment threads The Times They Are a Changin’ comes out on top. The mcu fandom really went nuts over Carol and Maria, didn’t they? 

Personal favorite:

Washing Machine Heart is a fic that I hold close to my heart. 1. I wrote this one when I was on a study abroad in Latin America, which is the coolest thing that I have ever done 2. it’s just. really well done. I’ve never written something quite so messy and unpleasant in a realistic way before. It’s ugly in the way that Steven Universe: Future is ugly right now. In exactly the way that “Washing Machine Heart” should imply 3. oh god was it cathartic 

Most under-appreciated:

Maternal, Paternal at 71 kudos, I know I shouldn’t call this one “under-appreciated”, but it’s in a few VERY happening tags, in a very happening fandom with a VERY popular set of characters. I’d think that people would be more interested in reading “Endeavor is an asshole and eventually Dabi kills him” but like. it’s whateves I guess XD

Most fun to write:

We Could Be Heroes both semesters that I had during 2019 were. super fucking stressful. the only times that I’ve had that were productive for fic was January break, summer vacation, and December break. 

Last April on my birthday, though, I rewarded myself and after I got home from hanging with some friends I just sat down at my laptop and didn’t think about literally anything. I just wrote. I took a format that I knew I liked and didn’t have to think about (talk show format with an OC I already made for a different story) and then 3 characters I was very interested in then (Melissa Shield, Monica Rambeau, and Tahani Al-Jamil) and then I just. ran with it. I wrote and wrote and wrote and it was amazing. I didn’t think about it being good or about my homework or literally anything other than this talk show lady talking to these three cool characters. 

It was wonderful. 10/10 would do it again. 

Story with the single sexiest moment: 

Familiarity. It is literally the only thing I wrote this year with ANY sex in it, so it’s automatically the sexiest. Way to go Margaery you did it. 

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:

Um. Just Souring Grapes in general. 

Most challenging to write:

Biggest disappointment:

Shouto Todoroki Joins the Supervillain Dads Club I hoped to finish this fic last year in January. It’s currently December and I haven’t been able to look at the thing since. 

I think it’s mainly because I just lost the drive, but it’s also kind of because wips stress me the fuck out. And also I had 2 stressful semesters so that doesn’t help.  Favorite character to write: my favorite characters to write this year were both Todorokis! Dabi and Fuyumi are both a joy to write, I swear

Favorite opening lines: 

Serena falls down at the kitchen table feeling as cold and distant as the room does. The harsh lines and open floor plan were supposed to show a minimalism only possible with wealth, but to Serena it's always felt empty.

A Woman’s Place

Surprisingly, Theon’s life does not change much either way after Maron is taken to the Greenlands. Balon does not magically start paying attention to him, even though he’d prayed every night to the Drowned God that he would. 

Pretty Little Thrall 

The Twins are a grand fortress spanning the width of the Green Fork. A great stone tower stands on each side of the river, with a greater bridge running in between. The Frey stable boys have taken their horses, and Jeyne walks as close to the river as she dares as they make their way to the tower. She watches the river rush beside her in awe. She’s never seen a river run so wild before. It seems like the very waters rushing beside her want to rise up and drown her themselves.

Good Family

Favorite closing lines:

That's what she gave up fighting the Kree for, and Carol will do everything that she can to bring them back. She's stopped fighting for some things, but she'll never stop fighting for this. If the times don't change on this one, she'll make them. She'll rip that gaudy fucking glove off of that bastard's grape crush colored hand and shove it up his ass if that's what it takes to get her family back.

The Times They Are a Changin’

"Alright, then. Let’s do this together,” you say, “as a team.” You think that you really like this "being friends" thing. Maybe after you beat Red, you and Silver can go to Hoenn- or Sinnoh. Unova even. Somewhere new and exciting with new people to beat. It’s nice to have a partner who’s not a Pokemon, for once. You think that, together, you could be the best trainers that ever lived.

Maybe the best friends too.

no silver medals (when you get the gold together) 

The stars spread out above you- the universe expanding outwards onwards and upwards, excelsior.

Excelsior

Other favorite lines:

What does a grape do under pressure? Grapes tend to shrivel in the sunlight. Turn to raisins, actually. She doesn’t remember what poem that was from, but she remembers reading something like that in English class once. Some poem that she didn’t understand really, and might not have gotten even if it were in Japanese. She doesn’t think that’s what she’s doing.

Does it ferment, like wine? Her father always joked about her mother aging like a fine wine, growing more beautiful every year, growing stronger. But Miné isn't gaining strength, not really. Not right now. Maybe she’s just souring, getting more and more bitter about things that she can't have. Maybe she's just souring grapes.

Souring Grapes

“The authorities confirmed that Endeavor was not even in the state during the accident, and Shouto’s doctors confirmed that the burns were consistent with boiling liquid, not an open flame.” Superman looks visibly relieved to hear that.

“But that does not mean that I trust him,” Batman says, “I would prefer to keep an eye on him.”

“Why would you want to keep an eye on him, he’s a superhero ,” Captain Marvel says, with none of The Wisdom of Solomon but all of The Innocence of a Ten Year Old, “that means that he’s a good guy, right?”

Shouto Todoroki Joins the Supervillain Dads Club

The thought stabs into his brain like a needle, like the scent of pine, like the memories he’s never wanted back. Robb was the one person who ever cared about him, and Theon betrayed him to parade around as a prince and become Ramsay Bolton’s broken little toy. He swore himself to the little boy who took him by the hand when he came to Winterfell as a scared little boy and never let go. And then Theon betrayed him.

“Theon,” the trees whisper,” Theon.” The crows in the branches take flight, cawing his name, and he feels something else take flight too. His heart, beating somewhere deep inside his chest.

“Theon,” it throbs, “Theon, Theon.”

He wants to do something, something reckless, something brave. Something that makes him redeemable.

He can’t save Robb, but he can save someone . He can save Robb’s fake sister. Theon can save Jeyne from some of her pain.

If You Believe in Me (I’ll Still Believe)

She dared a glance forward and met Margaery’s eyes- a deep, chocolate brown. They were warm and inviting and Margaery’s little curly bangs framed her face like a heart. Margaery’s head went over the back of the booth and it seemed to almost be floating against the flowery wallpaper. It looked like Margaery was lying out in a field of flowers- the Maiden gazing up at the clouds and trying to make shapes of them.

She could imagine Margaery telling her that this one is a flower, like Tyrell, and this one’s a deer, like Baratheon, and this one’s a dick, like Joffrey. She giggled nervously again and felt her cheeks flush. She’d never felt this giddy and unsteady in her whole life.

“Are you alright, Sansa?” Margaery asked cautiously. She reached across the table and laid a hand over Sansa’s own. The touch was warm and tender, and Sansa felt the blush from her toes to the tip of her head.

“I’m perfect!” Sansa nearly screeched. Margaery laughed at that, but her look was kind.

“Yes, darling,” she said with a smile that was wide and fond, “I think that you are.”

Lesbian. The word wasn’t supposed to fill her with such a warm, hopeful feeling, was it? She wiggled awkwardly in her chair, trying to get situated and stop feeling so silly and excited and vulnerable, but it didn’t fix anything. She felt Margaery’s leg brush against hers under the table. It sent a jolt through her.

Lesbian.

Sansa took a shaky breath. She thought to herself that there might be something to that.

Paint a New Horizon 

[eostre94]

[Fanfic] Laid to Rest

Fandom: Overwatch

Characters: Jack Morrison/Soldier 76, Angela Ziegler/Mercy

Pairing: Mercy 76 (Jack x Angela)

Concepts: RoleReversed! AU for Mercy and Soldier 76 in which it was the former who "died" and came back as the vigilante Nemesis. The latter would be under the code SC - 76.

Preface: Greetings everyone! It's been quite a while since I wrote something like this, since I have been very busy with stuff happening (ie. LoA in Med School, seeking help, trying to now find work, etc.). I just hope to anyone who wants to read it to enjoy really. If you happen to like it, feel free to tell me. Comments/reviews/PMs? will be greatly appreciated (criticisms will be fine as well as long as it is fully meant to be constructive, let's all be nice here)

P.S.: I still want to say big thanks to the people who brought like Mercy76 around for me to enjoy being hopefully a part of! Big shoutout to people like @ynartistic, @xavirne, @angelicsoldier who made amazing fanart and fanfic that I wanted to contribute in the way I can. Hope to also meet more people! I also hope to put some more time into writing in general now!

It was dark for 2PM in the afternoon. Way too dark and cloudy for a supposedly nice Tuesday out. If I can recall, the weather omnic from the local news said that there would be a storm coming around Friday. I guess even today, with some much advancements in, weather reports can still get it wrong.

Tugging at my overcoat's collar more, careful not to ruin the thing I held onto, I continued my walk to where I needed to be. It was nice for the former higher ups to keep hush about where all the things were laid to rest. It was also nice that a lot of supporters still allowed the place to be kept nice and well. It was the same for those who remained to be here without welling up in anger and or sadness.

I continued my walk around the place, thankful that there weren't many people around the place. It was always a hassle when people noticed who I am. It was nice at first to be remembered as "The Poster Boy" for what was once loved. Then be hated, destroyed and now after so long, to have resurfaced. I shudder at the thought that history might repeat itself again, but I am confident at the new path the recall. Hoping it will lead a path much different from before.

'Not that I was of any fucking help.'

I groaned in my head for letting that bit of self-depreciation blurt out in me, not that there wasn't any truth to it. Being here right now in this place is a testament to what had happened.

This place that held so many memories and now is a place of remembering those memories.

A memorial.

A memorial of what was once the Swiss Headquarters of Overwatch.

The memorial for the members that fell when it fell with them.

When she fell with them.

I had to stop for a bit from my steady pace along the way, trying to make sure I don't well up in tears. I even look down to see the thing I was holding on my left that made me miss her more.

'Some soldier you are.' My thoughts tease back at me when I try to wipe any excess moisture on my eyes. I take take a steady breath, feeling the slight chill that signals rain coming sooner than later.

"I better hurry up and see her before I get the brunt of the storm." I muttered to myself. I decided to make a hasty pace along the other parts of the long walk in the memorial. I did not even stop by to pay tribute to monument that engraved various members who fell.

I made an internal nod to these people who died for their cause, but I needed to reach a specific statue in mind.

One that was dedicated to the humanitarian views of Overwatch.

One who fought for the right in the organization to focus more on helping the needs of others. A goal on humanitarianism rather than more on the militaristic views.

The one they used to call the Angel of Overwatch.

"Angela." I whisper it out her name once I finally reached where she laid to rest, or at least where she was last seen.

A beautiful row of white and yellow flowers were lined it lead up to a marvelous statue of clean cut gray marble. The statue was like Michaelangelo's La Pieta. It had an unnamed Overwatch soldier cradled by the angelic beauty herself. Her features still showed grace as her hair was in the usual ponytail, accompanied by her halo. Her suit accentuated her lithe body and her wings were very detailed and real. It would have seemed the statue would very much have taken flight with the fallen comrade. Her right hand caressed the soldier's nape to lift it up while her left held the thigh. Her bio-tech staff held as well upright, to illustrate the action she was known best for.

The power to heal and protect. To very much bring those close to death's clutches back to life. A gift that spoke volumes upon volumes to how amazing of a woman she was.

I walk close enough to see the pedestal the statue was placed, embedded in it was a golden metal plaque that wrote:

"Angela Ziegler, M.D.

Code name: Mercy

Born: XX/XX/2039

Death: XX/XX/2070

Truly an Angel amongst Men.

'Heroes Never Die' - Mercy"

Her famous words engraved next to an engraving of her signature next to it. As I walked towards the plaque, my gloved hand traced the neat and cursive strokes of her signature. I imagined that she was saying those words she always does that quite literally brings life.

"Heroes . . . Never Die." I muttered under my breath, as though her words would have brought her back.

Taking a step or two back, I marveled at the tall statue more up close, how it had captured her image down to her calm smile. Major respect to the sculptors who made this statue. It was so well done, that it was always a lot harder to confront her resting place every time I go to see her.

I steadied my breath and began.

"Hey Angel." I stated out, hopeful that it was not loud enough for anyone to hear, despite being somewhat empty. The slight tinge of a cool breeze acknowledged my greeting, prompting me to continue. The scenery was starting to become more dark-gray.

"It's been a while since I last came here. I have been busy." Trying to keep this awkward one-sided conversation going, I tried to keep going. Thinking like she was still here listening which would pretty much be as awkward as before.

It was a good 5 or so minutes of random idle chatting when I finally felt the chill of the air become more prominent. I huddled in my overcoat more, and realized I was still holding onto her gift while I tried to ramble on.

"I brought you these. I hope you enjoy them . . . wherever you are now." I placed the beautiful piece next to where I usually placed them whenever I had the time to visit. I am thankful the cleaners of the memorial in having kept the area clean from any dried ones from before. Sitting down in front of her statue, I tried to find myself comfortable.

"I hope you love them. I know you like these flowers, apart from the ones the people planted in front of your resting place." I look back the row of flowers of white, orange and yellow only to look back at the rather large an elaborate bouquet.

"They're called Gladiolus. They reminded me of like those tiger lilies from before and I thought you'd like them. More so since I remember how you'd always tease me for not knowing flowers." Chuckling from remembering how she would chuckle at me from the instances I bought her flowers saying the incorrect name, to which she would laugh her beautiful hearty laugh.

I remember how she would laugh with a slight snort when she finds something hilarious. How she would shake her head slowly but have that smile still grace her face when she sees an embarrassing moment happen to me and my antics. How she would have a radiant yet unkempt glow in her face when she wakes up after our nights together, something that drew me in more and more to her. How she would scrunch her face in concentration when she patches my wound, partly due to being angry with me for wounded, despite knowing my job description. The little things that she does that makes her more and more amazing.

Remembering them all makes me yearn for her so much more, even after 5 or years of being 'dead' I still miss her. I find myself comfortable in sitting in front of your statue, not even giving a flying heck if the storm rolled in right now and drenched us in its cold unforgiving deluge. I wouldn't care anymore because while they said that time heals all wounds, it still hurts knowing I caused the fall of Overwatch, I caused the tensions to happen between Gabe and I, and that I caused the love of my life to die when I should have died during the end.

"It shouldn't have been you, Angela. It's been around 6 years and I still can never forgive myself for having killed you." I looked back up to the angel in the statue, thinking it's still her, looking down upon but not in anger since I know she would have hated hearing me say that.

"I hope wherever you are, you are happy; that's all I can now hope for and while I don't believe in an afterlife, but maybe . . . just maybe, I'll get to see you again." The breeze picks up more as slight moisture form droplets which signal the start of dark stormy days. I look up to the sky and see that the dark cloud have finally rolled in, welcoming me with light rain that will only be the first wave before the storm kicks in.

"I . . . I have to go now. The storm's coming soon and I am probably going to have to leave the country as well since I have to continue helping out in the new Overwatch. The one I've told you about a couple of times? Yeah." The rain started to drop harder than before, telling me to wrap this up. Picking myself up from where I sat down, I continued to look at the statue as it was still her.

"I'll see you soon okay, Angel? I promise you that." I started to feel tears form in my eyes again, trying to hold it in before I finally say what I needed to say to her again.

"I-i . . . I love you so very much Angela. I hope you can hear me say them." I felt the nearby trees and shrubs rustle, but I didn't bother to look since it's probably the wind picking up and or some animal trying to hide now from the weather, nor did I care anymore as tears starting rolling down my eyes, not giving a care anymore who was watching a grown man, a soldier nonetheless, cry his heart out. Wiping my eyes from any tears, I started to walk away, hoping though that the bouquet will be fine. Probably not, and it was probably a stupid idea for me to leave them there when a storm is practically approaching, but in the end, it's not going to be there the next time I have time to meet with her again.

Walking back to my vehicle was a good 5 or 10 minute walk since frankly I wanted to savor my time in the memorial, even when the gust was getting stronger and the droplets were becoming heavier. I didn't want to leave, but I knew I had to. As long as there's still things Overwatch can do to make the world better, then I have to put my service again.

As I finally reached my vehicle, the breeze mitigated a bit and the rain wasn't as heavy which meant that it was a momentary calmness before the second wave. A calm before the storm as one would say. I looked straight up to expect a slight rain droplet or a patch of light shining through the dark gray clouds, but what I somewhat saw was something completely different.

I could have sworn I saw a silhouette in the sky that looked like a large black bird, or rather something that looked like it had arms along with wings. It was hard to decipher it rushing past in the dark sky, coupled with the fact that the darkness of the clouds made it even harder to even see if it was even a black bird at all. What was the strangest of them all as what fell on my nose as it sped past from where the memorial was.

I felt the texture of what fell on my nose, seeing it as colorful in my nasal visual field. It felt like a big velvety paper confetti, colored in bright off pink. Taking it off my face for better observation, I was even more perplexed by the thing that fell on my nose.

It was a flower petal.

A pink gladiolus flower petal.

Looking up back to see where that flying thing flew, I could barely make out anything in the sky as it started darkening once again, signaling the end of the calm and the start of the real beginning of the storm. As I start the engine of my vehicle, I still look at the petal now at my dashboard. I am starting to have weird ideas that are way too exhausting to entertain at the moment. All I know is that she heard me.

My Angel heard me, wherever she is.

Everything has been strange.

Well, if you count the things happening to my life one can make a notion that it is strange. Dead but not really dead. Working in the shadows to heal people, but have no longer much qualms about taking down those who wish to harm others. Once a physician to stop wars throw at us, now turned to an adversary with the sole mission to cut the bud before more terror happens. Skilled with now both medical technology and the blade, I find myself wondering why life couldn't throw me a bone and not make even going to a place not be something that ties my past together with a neat bow.

Case in point, finding myself along the memorial which was once the Swiss Headquarters of Overwatch.

Second case in point, having to hide and be silent as I see someone walk towards the famous statue of my 'final resting place' with what appeared to be a large bouquet. That someone was greeting my and rambling as though I was there listening to him talk. Interesting how I was also getting interested in what he was rambling on about in this one-sided conversation.

Final case in point, said someone was my former lover who brought me a beautiful and large bouquet of pink lilie-

"They're called Gladiolus. -"

Sorry, a beautiful and large bouquet of Gladiolus flowers perched upon my statue. I see him comfortable sitting in front of it, marveling at the statue that depicted me in a way that was me, but no longer me.

"It shouldn't have been you, Angela. It's been around 6 years and I still can never forgive myself for having killed you." I hear him state it as though it was fact. I almost found myself wanting to glide towards him and prove him wrong, but I know that would jeopardize everything I have worked hard on.

"I hope wherever you are, you are happy; that's all I can now hope for and while I don't believe in an afterlife, but maybe-"

'Maybe what, Jack?' I find that voice within me ask in hope. It was a voice I haven't found in myself for so long. It was the voice of Angela, the woman who was still very much alive and very much in love with the man in front of me.

". . . just maybe, I'll get to see you again."

"Oh Jack . . . if that were only that simple." I mumbled to myself, finding my heart to still beat in ecstasy to see the man who should have moved on after my 'death' 6 years ago, still love me and want to see me again.

The wind started picking up once again, accompanied now with slight moisture and droplets; it was practically telling us that it had to be wrapped up soon. I find him get up from his spot, telling 'me' that he needed to go soon. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me as he said that, knowing that this was the situation we both now live in: The living who still loves the dead and the 'dead' wanting to stay hidden away from the living, but still very much alive for vengeance.

I almost lost my grip at the tree and shrubs I was leaning onto, almost ruining my position for him to have noticed, thanking the heavens he must have mistaken it for the wind picking up. It would have been completely unjustifiable when in battle, but what he said before he finally left just threw my seriousness out the metaphorical window.

"I-i . . . I love you so very much Angela. I hope you can hear me say them."

'Love.'

'I love you.'

'. . . hope you can hear me say them.'

It was almost like those words now in my head taunt me with how he just said those words, almost as though he knew I was there all along and wanted to throw this charade we were playing. But it wasn't the case since I see his figure walk away from the statue.

Brisk walking my way to my monument, I found myself drawn to his bouquet. It wasn't like I didn't know he hasn't visited before with flowers, but this might be the first time I catch him in the act. Oh how fate can be a cruel and make my life even more strange.

I take the bouquet with me, but not before flying up to be at eye-level with the statue of my former self. The way the sculpted my face well that it even had the same expression I used to have when I would heal a person with my skills in peace. A peace that for some reason no longer resonates for me.

'Angela Ziegler is dead. Only Nemesis remains.'

The last thought finally brought me back to my conviction and resolve. I am who I am now because of what happened here. I cannot for the life of me back down now.

"I must fulfill my goal. Even if it means making necessary sacrifices." I whispered to myself in somewhat comfort. Looking back up to the sky I see that there is a brief calmness before the breeze and rain continue, to which I should take that as my signal to finally leave this place.

I jettison my way out of the memorial site, bouquet held tight with my right hand as I fly away from it all, back to where I need to pack my equipment and continue my goal. To fly away from my former life. To fly away from the name Dr. Angela Ziegler. To fly away from Overwatch's Mercy.

I can do all of that.

I felt slight moisture pool under my eye, thinking at first it was rain droplets once again, but I know that my visor will have prevented weather from hitting my eyes. I know it's my tears from the last thought I had but I don't want to acknowledge it enough to finally think of the answer for it like the others.

"To let go and fly away from the man I love." I mumble to myself as I continue flying away past the road that connects the memorial, and a parking lot for the visitors. Just thinking about the visitors of the memorial brought me back to him again, and what he said before he left.

"I hope you can hear me say them."

Thinking back to those words, and I am letting that inner voice within me answer it, since I know I can't even begin to think of it right now.

'I did hear you Jack Morrison.'

'I heard you loud and clear.'

The last one was enough to even get me smile at the thought as I continue flying past everything, eventually nearing my hide-away.

"Your Angel still heard you."

[tessatechaitea]

All Star Batman #9

I hope this literally happens in the comic book.

That tower isn't a tower.

Whoever is behind the end of the world (according to the cover, Ra's, I guess?), tells Batman that the three previous issues were just informative displays to teach Batman about the three most likely ways the world will end. The first two choices make sense: cataclysm and plague. But the third way he says the world will end is solipsism. That only makes sense if you're a pretentious asshole who is claiming that it makes sense. Does the world end when one believes that they can't truly know it because it resides outside of themselves? Maybe but not in the same way the world ends with a cataclysm or a plague. I don't think you can say the world ends with a philosophical argument. I mean, sure, anytime sometimes starts speaking philosophically to me, I want the world to end! But it doesn't. The person just goes on and on and on, philosophically masturbating into my ears. Sometimes I shit myself just so I have an excuse to leave the room. Ra's tells Batman that he used to think the Washington Monutower was a sword. But now he thinks it looks like a penis. He says "pen" but I know that's just because he didn't get to finish his thought. Obviously he's thinking it's a penis and he's going to use it to fuck Batman. Remember, this isn't a Batman story! That must mean it's slash fanfic. Bruce and Ra's wind up battling inside the Washington Penis for the fate of the world. I know this isn't really slash fanfic so my mind is still trying to figure out what kind of story this is if it's not a Batman story. Could it be a Superman story? What other kinds of stories does DC Comics tell? Ra's winds up shooting Batman in the face and shooting Duke in the back of the head and ending the world with his techno-demons. That's why it's not a Batman story! Because it's a Ra's story! It's the story where he wins! Except he can't win, right? I didn't see "Elseworlds" on the cover. So I guess Ra's is probably living some kind of delusional life the way Batman lived one in the last issue.

See? It actually was a Batman story! Just like the pipe is actually a pipe even though it isn't a pipe also at the same time!

Batman is all, "This is a Batman story after all!" Oh man! And I thought I was going to have to use my brain to figure out what kind of story it really was. What a great big trick Scott Snyder just pulled on all of us! He totally wanted us to believe it wasn't a Batman story so we'd be surprised when the Batman book we purchased actually turned out to be a Batman story! Unless...whoa. What if he was telling the truth from the beginning? What if this really never was a Batman story?! That means I need to figure out what the fuck I just read. Ra's flies away on a Man-bat while Bruce falls out of the Washington Manupenis. But he's caught by an actual Blackhawk! So now he knows the Blackhawks really do exist even if they're supposed to be a super secret undercover black ops team! I guess they don't mind if Bruce knows they exist. He might figure out a way to send them a check. After the story ends with a shocking twist horror movie ending that probably won't actually pan out in any way or mean anything more than a phone battery dying, the Cursed Wheel backup story is finally going to end. It's supposed to be telling me why I should like Duke Dukington. It hasn't been working so far. And it still doesn't work. The Riddler puzzle doesn't make any sense. I don't remember why Zsasz was part of this. I don't care about Duke's parents and I don't know why this Daryl guy (his cousin? Bloom? I don't remember!) is harping on him to admit that Duke's got super powers. Apparently Duke does have super powers. He can see people as spaghetti beings. Then Batman solves the riddle that was supposed to be solved or something and something and I don't know what's going on. I'm guessing this story makes sense if it's all read at one time instead of a full month between reading each part. Also, this isn't the end like it says it's the end. The stupid story continues in some shit called Dark Days: The Forge. The Ranking! No change. Scott Snyder really doesn't write as well as I thought he wrote five years ago.

[sheliesshattered]

2016 writing review (fic)

Because @thatonezombiecosplayer and @thebyrchentwigges and @lurkinghistoric and all the other cool kids are doing these...

My AO3: glasscannon

Total Number of Stories Completed: By ‘completed’ I’m counting everything I posted to AO3 in 2016, not just things tagged ‘complete’. Six new stories posted to AO3 in 2016.

Total Word Count: 46,239 (including many many words co-written with @jezunya)

Fandoms Written In: The Hobbit, Poldark, Once Upon A Time, Max Max (in order of word-count)

Looking Back, Did You Expect To Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? I always hope to write more than I end up writing, but 2016 was actually fairly prolific by my standards. I made less progress on the big co-writing behemoth Truth Universally Acknowledged than I’d hoped, but posted quite a few more one-shots than I had any intention of writing. I even managed to complete a couple from concept to posting in a single day, which is fairly huge for how slow of a writer I am.

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year? You would ask me to choose between my own children like this? Who does that??

Honestly I’m fairly thrilled with everything I wrote/co-wrote in 2016, but in terms of sheer re-readability, chapter 3 of TUA, Asheed, is probably my favorite. TUA is a Hobbit/Pride&Prejudice fusion set in Middle Earth with a lot of additional world building. That chapter is the P&P equivalent of the Meryton Ball where everyone meets for the first time, and covers the Hobbitish festival of Ashseed, based on real-world Beltane festivities. There were a lot of moving pieces, but I think we pulled it off, and I still get a kick out of re-reading it.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year? Writing and posting what amounts to, for me, flash fiction, was a really big jump. 2016 was the first time I ever woke up one day with no intention of writing, had an idea around 10am, had it mostly pieced together by 2pm, then finished and beta’d and posted by 8pm. Even just for canon-compliant one-shots, that’s quite the stretch for me, but utterly worth doing.

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year? I want to add chapters to my unfinished stories, particularly TUA. I might try writing a series this year, individual parts marked complete rather than chapters, sketchier narrative arc. I’ve challenged myself to make progress on one creative project every single day of 2017, writing or otherwise.

Best Story Of The Year? I think TUA certainly got the most attention of any of my writing in 2016, but in terms of my best writing, it has to be The World Is Falling Around You. I started work on that one prior to 2016, and only managed to post the first chapter last year (second chapter is well underway, mostly just needs an ending), but the goal from the beginning was to focus mostly on the language. Whenever I feel like I can’t put words together coherently, I go back and re-read TWIFAY to remind myself that sometimes I can.

Most Popular Story Of The Year? TUA, by far. I’d forgotten what it was like to write in a large, ravenous fandom, lmao.

Story of Mine Most Under-appreciated By The Universe, IMO: The World Is Falling Around You, always. It’s utterly off-beat from the fandom currently, but I do so love it.

Most Fun Story To Write: Tie between Sanguine And The Wastelander and Wedded To His Work, for completely different reasons. The former because I used it as an exercise to develop my persona for Wasteland Weekend, and the latter because Ross Poldark’s troll-face is so very fun to write.

Story With The Single Sexiest Moment: Ha, I write nothing like sex. I wrote a snogging scene in 2011 and I still haven’t recovered. A Year In Bath at least mentions kissing, and implies slightly more.

Most Sweet Story: Chapter 4 of TUA, Peace And Quiet And Good Tilled Earth, which is all told from the point of view of Tauriel, our Jane Bennet. The chapter is a tour of Hobbiton and the surrounding area, showing the visiting dwarven dignitaries around and hitting all of Bilbo’s favorite places to eat. Tauriel is infatuated with Kili without really knowing it yet, so there’s a lot of sweet awkwardness (handflex!) and smiling and eye contact and cultural exchange. It’s not quite rot-your-teeth-out cute, but it might be as close as I get.

“Holy Crap, That’s Wrong, Even For You!” Story: I... wrote shockingly little angst in 2016? Usually that’s what that phrase is in reference to, but I managed to use my superpower of finding the bruise and pushing on it very little in my 2016 writing. Familiar And Unchanging is probably the closest, but to be honest that’s very light angst for me.

Story That Shifted My Own Perceptions Of The Characters: TUA definitely changed my perceptions of all the characters from The Hobbit. I mostly knew which dwarf was which before we started in on this, and now I can give you family histories to three generations back for all of them, lol. And now I understand what makes Lobelia Sackville-Baggins such a bitch and that’s not something I ever thought I’d say!

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: Sanguine And The Wastelander, of course. Though maybe that’s more intentionally telling than not, lol. I was working on my persona for Wasteland Weekend, for who I would be in a post-movie, post-revolution Citadel, and there was a self-insert fic week event happening, so I made some prose happen. There’s quite a lot of me in that fic, and I learned that Jack’s voice is incredibly difficult for me to write, but @jezunya​‘s is very easy. 

Hardest Story To Write: TUA, always TUA. The Hobbit has never been one of my main fandoms, Kili/Tauriel was a ship that flared and dimmed for me. This story has always been about the world-building and the co-writing project with @jezunya​. When it comes time to actually put prose to page, it often takes a monumental effort to get these characters talking to me again.

Biggest Disappointment: That we didn’t make more progress on TUA, and that I didn’t finish second chapters for TWIFAY and Sanguine And The Wastelander.

Biggest Surprise: The three stories I wrote for the Dwight/Caroline ship in Poldark. While watching Poldark s2 I got bit by the ship bug hard, but there was basically no fic for them -- literally six total, I think, on AO3, before someone organized a fic-week around the pairing. I wrote and posted all three stories, A Year In Bath, Familiar And Unchanging, and Wedded To His Work, in the course of four days in November, trying to hit as many of the daily prompts as possible. That’s not something I’ve ever done before, or even thought myself capable of doing.

(I don’t think this is a tag-another-person thing, but hey everyone jump in on this! I love seeing the answers of authors I read! :D )