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fillingthescrapbook · 3 years

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Rewriting The CW's Kung Fu, Part 9: Reflections and Moving Forward

And we have reached the end of our Kung Fu journey. If you haven't seen where we began, here's a handy guide to the previous posts:

Part 1: The Characters

Part 2: The Pilot

Part 3: The Mythology

Part 4: The Story Map

Part 5: Act I

Part 6: Act II

Part 7: Act III

Part 8: The Finale

Before I start with the lessons I learned and my other reflections, I want to thank @flailingbloo for all of her help and support in this endeavor. Without her to talk to and commiserate with, I would probably have gotten stuck in Act II forever and everything I've written would've been riddled with spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. So my eternal gratitude to flailingbloo. And now, we begin:

Lessons.

Going into this writing exercise, I already knew it was going to be hard. Writing stories is time-consuming, it's nerve-wracking, and it takes a lot of research...and patience. Writing, especially for television, is also not a solitary task. I mean, sure, the writing itself needs to be done alone--but everything that comes before, during, and after the writing needs input from so many people.

Although I have a lot (and I mean A LOT) of complaints about how The CW's Kung Fu was handled and written, I do have a lot of respect for the work that the writers put into their scripts. And I do appreciate all that they have done to have a show like this produced.

Doing this rewrite, I learned that it's really important to make the main character likeable. Like, every episode I broke down, I had to ask myself: is Nicky likeable here? Is she someone who viewers would want to root for? Like, for me she is, but only people who read what I wrote can say for sure. My perspective is now a bit skewered because I have bias.

Second, story maps are very helpful. There were times, especially during Part 6 (where I wrote breakdowns for Episodes 6 to 9) where I kept getting road-blocked by where I want the story to go. So I went back to the story map over and over again, to remind myself--where does the story itself need to go? How do I help the characters get to the point where they're ready for what needs to happen? (This is also where flailingbloo helped the most for me. Like, she really reminded me why I was doing this rewrite in the first place. Because I care about Nicky and the show. I wouldn't have funneled so much of my time and effort into this if I didn't.)

Another thing I learned, or rather re-learned, is the art of letting go. I created the character of Stanley to recur throughout the series as a reminder of who Nicky was and who she is becoming. And then I finished writing the first act without even mentioning him. By the second act, I was ready to use him finally--but, after multiple false starts, I realized Stanley was one of the reasons why I was having a hard time pushing Nicky's story forward. Because I kept trying to go back to the past. So I decided in the writing of the second act to shelve Stanley completely, only to find him popping up in the second to last episode in a, at least I hope, more organic way.

The last thing I learned in this exercise was that, whenever a new character needs to come in, I have to look at my existing characters first to see if any one of them can fulfill the role I needed for the story. Like, creating new villains for Nicky was fun, sure--but, at the same time, I realized that there were already existing villains that could recur. Like the Triad, who played villains in two more episodes after the pilot; and Henry's martial arts class at the community center became the source of two existing storylines from the actual show.

Reflections.

Do I think what my rewrite is better than the show? To me, yes. But, again, I am very biased. That said, I am proud of how I utilized the characters that the show created and didn't really give much importance to. Dennis, when he was introduced, felt like a rich character that could provide a very different point-of-view from the Shen siblings--but he was mostly relegated to being eye-candy. And I thought I gave him more meat by making him more involved in Althea's sexual harassment storyline, while also involving him in Nicky's stories.

That said, I also realize that I wasn't able to play up Nicky and Evan's past relationship as I was writing the episodic breakdowns. I was able to give them a lot of opportunities to explore their chemistry together, as I did with Nicky and Henry, but I kind of dropped the ball as a writer on guiding those planted moments into something more significant. Granted, I only wrote breakdowns and not actual scripts. Maybe I could've explored the romance angle more with a little sprinkle of direction and dialogue.

As I went deeper into the rewrite, I do see how easy it is to fall in love with characters as you write them. It's very easy to trap yourself into wanting villains to be more well-rounded. I keep having to remind myself that I don't have to redeem everyone. Just Nicky. Which became harder and harder as I went further and further into the story.

Another thing that became difficult as I went on? Keeping the mythology from just bursting open. That's how Henry, as I wrote him, evolved into becoming the son of a guardian--just so there's a reason for him to be so invested in Nicky's quest, while also having someone who can explain things to our main character. I'm actually really proud of that evolution.

All that said, I also have to recognize that I rewrote the show with the benefit of hindsight and the lack of budget constraints. In the real show, there's a group of writers who each have their own ideas of what the show should be. (This is where a head writer--not a show runner--would come in handy, so they could reel in the story to what needs to be told.) With more writers comes more chances for inconsistencies to happen. (And this is where a script supervisor, or a writing assistant, could come in handy.) And then there's production notes and budget. Not to mention, you know, the whole pandemic that's still happening. I didn't have to think about those things while doing this rewrite.

So, again, I want to give the writers kudos to actually producing scripts. I hope they haven't lost their minds--or their will to write--just because there are people like me who nitpick at everything. That's what people who love things do. We nitpick because we care.

Moving forward.

I do plan to stick with the real show for Season 2. I hope it's planned better. I hope they get researchers (plural!) and a writing assistant to help in the writing room. I hope the writers would sit down with the cast to discuss and develop the characters more. And I really hope they hire a better fight choreographer and fight director for the second season. (Like, rehire the people who choreographed and filmed the flashback scene in... Episode 11? The one with Nicky's maternal grandmother and Pei-Ling's own mother?)

I hope that the Nicky-Henry relationship gets explored realistically, and if a potential new love interest is ordered, they get introduced in a way that isn't antagonistic. Make them more well-rounded characters too, please. Make us want to root for their success. And while I think Nicky doesn't have an iota of chemistry with Evan, I do like Evan himself as a character. So I hope they get him more involved in future storylines--as an outsider looking in, sure, but also as an honorary member of the Shen family.

With regards to the Shen family, I do hope that we get to explore their relationships and dreams more before the show drops the reveal about Mei-Xue's daughter. I want Althea to have a cohesive storyline that doesn't pause for no reason. I want Ryan to explore being Asian AND gay as a first-generation Asian-American. And give the Shen siblings some recurring friends. They don't have to be semi-regulars (unless there's a story that can be explored) but let's not keep the Shens in a bubble. It was weird in the first season. Especially for Althea whose friends only showed up for her bachelorette party and never again. Not even when she was panicking about wedding preparations, which, considering how rich Dennis's parents were? They wouldn't let Althea be in charge of anything. They would hire a Chinese wedding coordinator. And an expensive and hard-to-book one at that. They donated an entire hospital wing, for crying out loud.

I want Jin to have an actual character, and not just be the supportive dad who loves his kids very much (admittedly my own rewrite also made this same mistake). And I want Mei-Li to be consistent as a character. Like, no more surprise twists about being the descendant of a legendary warrior without proper foreshadowing and plot-planting please.

Dennis shouldn't just be eye-candy. The same applies to Kerwin. Sure, I get that shirtless men are a must in a CW series, but please give their characters some meat too. Dennis's nerd-side was never showcased in the show, and Kerwin had that poor little rich boy background that didn't get explored either. Because the show was too busy keeping him and Zhi-Lan tearing each others' clothes off--when they're not tearing other people down.

Also, don't drop the ball on the tease that Bian-Ge is now everywhere. If I understood correctly, Bian-Ge is Kung Fu's version of Qi. If yes, then I hope they treat it respectfully as a force of nature--and not just the source of magic. The flowers from Bian-Ge itself can be magical, sure, I have no problem with a fictional flower being a McGuffin.

Finally, I hope the show also explores other Asian communities and cultures. Like, Kung Fu is great--but imagine if Nicky had to face someone who is versed in Silat Melayu? Or someone who uses Arnis? Someone who practices Kalaripayattu or Lathi Khela? Or Kuntao? Imagine Nicky having to use Wing Chun against someone who uses Karate or Krav-Maga? Asia is a big continent and there are so many different types of martial arts found from the Middle East to Southeast Asia. Kung-Fu is an umbrella term, so it'll be great to see the different styles found under it.

... This went long again. Sorry about that. Funny thing is, when I started this whole rewriting plan? I thought it would take three posts, tops. And look at us now. Nine posts deep, and it seems I still haven't run out of things to say. So I'm cutting myself off before I completely wear out my welcome.

But if you've read all my Kung Fu posts, please do reach out. Let's discuss the show and what it can do to produce a better second season.

#Kung Fu CW #tv talk #my words

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missmentelle · 4 years

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Your posts are so informative and I was wondering if you could help me. I'm a BA psych student in a smallish town in canada and I'm considering applying to work in a womens homeless shelter. In the past I've worked in youth residential care and daycare, but this is a big step in another direction. What is it like working in a homeless shelter? When I talk to people in my class (who have never worked there) they just say it's dangerous and I shouldn't bother. But, I want to help women and youth who are more vulnerable in my community. But is it dangerous? Are your expected to work alone? At the youth residence, there was clear communication and there were always other staff around. I was so sure, before I started talking to others about it.

You have excellent timing, I just got home from a night shift at the youth shelter! (I’m picking up shifts at my organization’s youth homeless shelter while the whole org is short-staffed due to COVID, which is why you’ve been seeing a lot fewer posts from me lately. Doing swing shifts on top of my 9-5 is kicking my butt.)

I can’t say exactly what working at one particular shelter will be like, because every shelter does things a little bit differently - they all have different rules, schedules and policies. There are some things that they do tend to have in common, though. For instance, I would be absolutely shocked if any shelter made any staff member work alone. That’s unheard of in my experience. At every shelter I’ve ever visited or worked at, you will have several staff on shift at any given time, plus an on-site manager or supervisor to handle emergencies, or an on-call supervisor that you can phone for advice or direction if you aren’t quite sure what to do. My org’s shelter requires that there be a minimum of three staff on-site at all times (it’s a small shelter with less than two dozen beds), plus a supervisor either on-site or on-call. If you work at a shelter, you will have support (and if you don’t, you should quit and find another shelter that does).

At the shelter I’ve been helping out at, youth who arrive there are typically there for around a 2-3 month stay. Each youth gets their own private room (somewhat common in domestic violence, youth and family shelters, fairly uncommon in men’s shelters and general homeless shelters) and they are allowed to bring two bags of belongings with them. Youth are woken up in the morning, fed some breakfast (not all shelters will serve breakfast), and then the youth are required to be out of the building for most of the day (this is pretty much universal for homeless shelters, but many domestic violence and family shelters will not have this requirement).

During the day, shelter staff inspect rooms, write documentation, contact other professionals who are working with the youth, supervise any youth that are in the building due to extenuating circumstances (illness, night shift workers, etc), inform the incoming shift about last night’s activities, and prepare dinner. Youth return in the late afternoon, have dinner, do their chores, and are free to come and go until their curfew - they can meet with support staff for counselling, do homework in their rooms, watch TV, do their laundry, or just go out with their friends. There is a set time where they have to be in their rooms, and staff come around to check on youth a few times during the night. Then morning comes and it starts all over again. Many shelters run in a similar way, although there will be slight differences to their policies and procedures - some homeless shelters, for instance, do not give residents a “set” bed and require people to line up for beds on a first-come, first-served basis every night. It just depends on the individual place.

You will absolutely have to deal with some tough situations while working at a shelter. I would be lying if I told you otherwise. Note that “tough” does not always mean “violent” or “dangerous” - basically anything that can happen at a shelter will happen sometimes. You can have all sorts of medical, mental health, maintenance or general emergencies. This past month at the shelter, we’ve had everything from a broken washing machine flooding the basement to a youth arrested outside the building for throwing rocks at cars to a youth having a miscarriage. We did have one youth making violent threats against staff, and a few making threats to harm themselves. It’s a fast-paced work environment, and you can really never be sure what will happen. At my shift last night, we settled all the youth down in the lounge for a movie night with some popcorn and leftover Halloween candy and they all went to bed without incident. Other nights, I’ve been screamed at for having to enforce the rules, or I’ve had to call 911 because someone is violent and out of control. It’s impossible to say how any one shift will go.

I will say, though, that I’ve been in this field for 8 years now, and my organization has been around for almost 50 years, and in that time we’ve never had a staff member seriously injured by a client. I’ve actually never worked anywhere that has. The potential to be injured is there - you can get injured at any job - and I’ve been in some pretty tense situations, but I’ve never seriously feared for my life or my safety. At the shelter I’ve been working at, you are either with a team member or you have a team member watching you on the security cameras at all times, and they will immediately jump in to help the moment anything tense starts to happen. The only staff injury we’ve had this year was a staff member who cut herself while chopping vegetables for dinner. We all receive regular, comprehensive training in suicide prevention, crisis deescalation, non-violent crisis intervention, motivational interviewing and mental health first aid. Management is incredibly supportive. We are quick to call the local mobile crisis team or 911 if there is a situation we need help with. All staff carry either a cell phone or a panic button (a little plastic button that alerts 911 if you push it) so we can get help quickly if we need it. No one ever has to deal with anything alone.

Personally, I love working shifts at the shelter, and if you have any interest in working at one, I would say to go for it. You meet some of the most incredible people, both among the staff and residents. For every hard moment where you’re calling 911 or dealing with an emergency, you will also have funny, endearing human moments, like when we put on some music last night and the kids had a dance contest as they cleared away their dinner dishes, or when you finally get to help a resident move out of the shelter and into their first real apartment. You’ll also make some of the best friends you’ve ever had amongst your fellow staff - I am still in daily contact with old co-workers from every social services job I’ve ever had, even jobs that I left years ago. Working at a shelter can also be a great segue into other careers in social services - my org is very supportive of people who want to further their education, and many of the people in upper management started out as casual shift workers at the shelter. If nothing else, it’s a great way to learn more about how the system actually works, and to start thinking critically about what needs to be done to improve it. If I had to make up pros and cons for working at a shelter, it would be this (keep in mind this is my list, and things that are “pros” for me might be “cons” for you)” Pros:

fast-paced work environment

hands-on work, not just paperwork and desk work

unpredictable work environment, no routine or monotony

get a chance to use a variety of skill sets, from counselling to cooking

lots of ongoing training and professional development

get to make a difference to people in crisis

get to connect with all kinds of people and hear their stories

supportive and friendly co-workers, easy to make friends

great introduction to a life-long career

get to see how social work and metal health theory actually looks in practice

Cons:

shift work, shelters are open 24/7

sometimes have to deal with very serious emergencies

pay could be better

can be very tough to enforce rules, both emotionally and logisically

absolutely sucks to have to turn someone away

can be difficult to see people return to shelter after getting out, or to continue to get worse

sometimes required to do gross tasks, like cleaning up vomit

unpredictability means sometimes the worst things happens on days where you really just needed a quiet day

Honestly, I would not take advice from anyone who has never actually worked or resided in a shelter. A lot of people hold very unfair or discriminatory views toward the homeless, even if they claim not to hate homeless people, and someone who has never actually spent quality time watching the daily operations of a shelter has no business making statements about how “dangerous” it actually is. I know people who have spent their whole careers working at shelters and are still passionate about it and love what they do. If you want to give working in one a try, I would say absolutely go for it. Best of luck to you! MM

#Anonymous

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star-anise · 6 years

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dear star-anise, do you see your therapisting as some form of political activism? or supporting activism? i'm asking bc at uni i used to do activism like being in groups, going to meetings, protests, organising protests, campaigns etc, but now, working as psy/social assistant and being a therapist in training, aka working two jobs, i don't do any of that anymore. i have neither the time nor the energy. there are days when i feel so helpless, impotent and useless bc of that. (1/2)

i feel like all i do is take care of myself, my plants, my friends and family, manage my depression and sometimes do laundry. one of my supervisors says i am "working for peace and good in this world", that i am "helping the helpers". a therapist-friend today said that was true and that once we are out of training and can choose our clients more ourselves that will be true even more so. most days i can see it. what do you think about it? thank you for your blog!

I have... three thoughts on this, I think.

Part of the definition of treason is giving “aid and comfort” to the enemy. Aid and comfort are no little things.For me, posting cat pictures is a form of activism. I use the term “doughnut dolly of the revolution” a bit jokingly, because like Doughnut Dollies used to feel about themselves, I sometimes feel a bit inessential and useless. On the other hand. Most of the hardcore activists I know--the ones who negotiate and form coalitions and go out on picket lines and protest and testify to legislative committees and run nonprofits--are so burned out you can smell the smoke coming out from under their hoods. And have been for years. My girlfriend hasn’t totally recovered from the work she did against GWB’s war in Iraq. So I do, in fact, aim to be a source of comfort, refuge, and resupply for people who go out and fight on the front lines of social justice. I blog the way I do in reaction to the intense level of media overload people got in 2015 and 16, where they couldn’t even check their fannish social media without getting overwhelmed by world events. So on days when something terrible is happening, I don’t think I can meaningfully contribute commentary or spreading awareness with any more skill or insight than 100,000 people are already doing--but I can reblog cat pictures from a source that’s fundamentally friendly.One major issue I have with leftist activism is that it chronically undervalues work of nurturing, tending, cleaning, and maintaining. Who runs your bake sales? Who tends your wounds? Who cleans your clothes? Who makes food? Who cleans up after? That is a massive amount of work that’s taken absolutely for granted.

How we choose to work can be massively political. I had a professor, during grad school, who insisted that we could not let clients focus on the systemic problems they faced. If we let them blame anyone else for their problems, he said, they would never improve. (He worked for the US Army, convincing servicemembers that their children’s misbehaviour wasn’t due to having been moved around all the time, their spouse’s anxiety wasn’t related them being redeployed to Iraq for their fifth tour, their own bad moods weren’t related to traumatic brain injury; they just needed to take personal responsibility)And one of the most formative clients for me during my own training was a Black university student who described how everyone in her class called her “sassy” and copied anything she said or did that seemed a little outside the norm, even though she felt that she wasn’t any weirder or louder than anyone else--or was she? Was there really something wrong with her? Was she ridiculous, worth being mocked? She drew in on herself like a setting sun, a star losing lustre, as she questioned herself.I was still feeling my way, as a white girl reading a bunch of work by Black feminists and womanists, but even I knew about Black women being called too loud, too aggressive, too sassy. I very tentatively said, “It’s so upsetting, being picked on in this way that feels unfair and... honestly sounds kind of racist.”“It does, doesn’t it,” she said, and dropped her head into her hands, knees drawn together. “Oh my god! It’s so racist! It’s so fucking racist!” And then she screamed quietly into her palms and did a little dance in her chair, and lifted up her head, and listed off all the things they’d said that they were racist--all the Black professionals and experts in her field they didn’t know when she mentioned them--how frustrating it was--how she’d dealt with racism in the past--how her family dealt with racism in the past--how much she missed her family--the festival she was going to in two weeks to reconnect with her Caribbean relatives.I didn’t have to do anything for the rest of the session, just nod and make encouraging noises. That one little bit of validation linked her back into an entire system of resistance and community that gave her the strength to resist the pressures on her and renew her sense of pride and joy in who she was.

I think there’s a role therapists could have, and often do not have, in leftist movements. I keep thinking about it, but I don’t know how to make it fit. Circling back to “every activist I know has burnout”: The way modern activism is done is very psychologically costly. We have discussions about “mental health and self-care” that kind of look like “BURN CARE WHILE LEAPING OVER LAVA: Remember that the lava is hot! Take frequent breaks to let your feet cool off!” Like, what if we did not have to leap over lava. What if an ordinary person’s activism didn’t have to involve large amounts of outrage, terror, and helplessness to fuel their work. What if we put resources into mental health as well.And like I said, I don’t know what to do with this thought. Should I offer activist group members discount rates? Volunteer with an org as a counsellor? Suggest ways groups could make their members’ mental health better? Take my skills as a mediator into union disputes between nonprofit workers and management? Write articles about how somebody ought to address something about this problem? I’m not actually drowning in good ideas here.I feel like there could be very targeted and effective work that we could do, that often gets ignored or discounted because the Left has a very ascetic bread-and-water, sacrifice-everything-for-the-revolution view of what activism should look like. And maybe we should start talking about it.

#staranise original #politics tw #donut dolly of the revolution #therapisting #fcktaken

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2nd-rate-film-school · 6 years

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Hi Jules, i'm currently directing a short film for class and i'm suffering physically, mentally and emotionally. I dont have time to sleep or eat and every idea I come up with is a bad idea. I can't remember what it's like to enjoy creating and I can't imagine doing this for the rest of my life. Taking a break isn't an option as this is a competition and I have strict deadlines to meet. Please help me out with some advice? Idk i'll take anything now. Maybe your followers can relate? Thank you ❤

Hi Anon,

First, sorry it took so long to get back to you and I hope your project ended up turning out well (or will turn out well). Second, I always stress that your physical, mental, and emotional health should always come first. No project, grade, or competition is more important than you. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

I can totally relate to the stress that filmmaking can bring and it’s always going to be a tough job, but if you really care about it and you practice good habits, the job does become easier to handle. I have made some posts before to help deal with anxiety (x x), help with self-care on set, and list some rules the production should abide by for a healthy work environment.

Some other tips:

If you have the option, choose projects that mean something to you. It’s easier to push through hard times if you care about the project.

If it’s an assigned project, find the aspect that you can connect with to help motivate you.

Keep in mind that you are still learning and you are allowed to make mistakes. The only way to learn is through failure, so if something doesn’t work, learn from it and move on!

Watch The Gap by Ira Glass. Starting out in a creative field is difficult because you know some things should be better, but you’re technical skills aren’t quite there yet. It’s one of the most difficult parts of the learning process.

If you can’t find time for a break, schedule it! Put aside 20 min to take a power nap or to read/do something completely recreational.

Separate your work space from your relaxing space. Physically separating the two helps you separate it in your mind, so you aren’t plagued by work stress when you’re supposed to be sleeping/having time for yourself.

Ask for help!! Sometime’s you’re just overworked and can’t handle all the work alone. See if you can pass on a job to a teammate who is less busy. If they also care about the project, they will most likely do their best to help out.

Remember that at the end of the day, it’s just a movie.

I’m not going to tell you that if you can’t handle it you shouldn’t be in the industry because we’ve all been there. It’s a hard and stressful job. There will be times when everything goes wrong and you want to quit. But there will also be times when you look at a finished product with pride, where you are on set and for a moment, everything just feels right.

You have to ask yourself if it’s worth it to you. Everyone has a line where the end result isn’t worth the hardship, it’s just a matter of finding that line for yourself. And that line probably isn’t “I can or can’t handle film” It’s probably more nuanced. “I love being on set, but being a DP is too much. I’d like to be a Cam Op so I can still do what I love but don’t have overwhelming responsibilities.” It might even be you prefer short films over features, or music videos over short films. Or you like dramas over action. The list goes on.

I’m not sure if this is making sense, so here’s an example from my life: I like to be on set and I like to have a position of authority, but I know I can’t handle the stress of directing or producing. So I am a Script Supervisor. The position comes with it’s own hardships, but it’s a workload and a type and level of stress I can personally handle. I also choose to do more web-series over features because the episodic format while not any less work, fits better with the way I operate.

I hope this makes sense and helps you out.

Sending love and good vibes your way!

Jules

#ask box #stress #anxiety #self-care #motivation #inspiration #film career #stay healthy y’all

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spooky-muldy · 7 years

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Emoji Movie Script

Here it is, Spanish version and other languages coming soon:

The world we live in. It's so wondrous, mysterious, even magical. No. No, not that world. I meant this one. The smartphone. Each system and program and app is its own little planet of perfect technology, all providing services so necessary, so crucial, so unbelievably profound. Look who just sent me a text. Addie McAllister? Must be a mistake. Or a joke. Or a scam. Don't send her your Social Security number. Dude. She's right there. That's our user, Alex. And, like every freshman in high school, his whole life, everything, revolves around his phone. And, as the pace of life gets faster and faster... Phones down in five. And attention spans get shorter and shorter and... You're probably not even listening to me right now. Who has the time to type out actual words? And that's where we come in, the most important invention in the history of communication... Emojis. That's my home. Textopolis. Here, each of us does one thing, and we have to nail it every time. The Christmas Tree just has to stand there all festive. Merry Christmas. It's still September, Tim. The Princesses... I am so pretty. They just got to wear their crowns and keep their hair combed. You guys, we are so pretty. Devil, Poop, Thumbs Up. They just show up, and they're good to go. But for the faces, the pressure is on. Crier always has to cry, even if he's just won the lottery. Hooray! I'm a billionaire! The Laugher is always laughing, even if he's just broken his arm. I can see the bone! Now, me, I'm a Meh. So I got to be totally over it all the time, you know, like, "Meh, who cares?" Which is not as easy as it sounds. Morning, Mrs. D. I see you have the little minis with you. They're so cute. That is so adorable, I can't take it! Now I'll never get them to sleep. Stick to your one face, weirdo. No! No! It's hard to always act blase, when living in Textopolis is just so exciting. Hello, good simians. Those are some sharp attaches. Yes, well, we have business to attend to. What kind of business? Monkey business. I sounded British! Meh. That was really good. Meh. Meh. That was a great... -Whatcha doing there, mate? -Practicing. Today is my first day on the phone. Boy. I'm gonna be so meh. What are you gonna do? Me and the boys are gonna throw ourselves on the barbie! Here's my sauce now. G'day, mate. Hey. Konnichiwa. Sorry, emoticons! I hate knocking over the elderly. Here, let me help, let me help. My colon! Is that the time? Hey, my eyes are up here, pal. Yeah! All right! Right on time. So, last week, Alex sends me next to this guy. That kid! Where does he get this stuff? Why are you laughing, freak? Now, unlike me, my parents are total pros. Gene, please tell me you weren't laughing just now. In public. He was. I remember. Let's go somewhere more private. I have some bad news, Gene. And I'm afraid you'll have the wrong reaction. Okay. What's the wrong reaction? Anything other than "meh." Come on. I don't want to be late. I'm not letting you go to work today. Wait, what? You're just not ready, son. Come on! Working in the cube is an emoji's whole purpose in life. Everybody my age is working on the phone except for me. Sweetie, that's not true. Yeah! I'm gonna work on the phone, and I'm only 10. That's because I believe in you. Should we wash our hands? No, no, no. We're number two! We're number two! We're number two! See? I... I know I'm different, okay? But when I need to, I can be meh. I just... I want to be a working emoji, you know, like... Like everybody else, and then... Then I would finally fit in, you know? You fit in, honey. No, I don't, Mom. I never have. But I can change all that if you'd just let me. Just give me a chance. But what if you get sent out on the phone, making the wrong face? No, Dad, I'll make the right face. Look. Meh... You're so handsome when you make that face. I think he's ready, Mel. Meh. Come on, Dad. Let me prove it to you. If you really think you're ready. I am! Yes! Yes. I promise, I won't let you down. Stop. Congratulations, everyone! What an exciting day for all of you. It's really her. Pizza! Hey! Your first day on the job. Hi. Hi. Don't be nervous. I won't bite. Hi. I'm Smiler. Don't touch me. Hi! Okay. I mean, hey. As you know, I'm Smiler. I am the system supervisor here because I was the original emoji. Here's how it works. It's nothing fancy. Wait a minute. It's really fancy! You each have your own cube on the emoji bar. If Alex chooses you, should you be so lucky, your cube will light up. It's showtime. The scanner will scan you, and that scan will get sent right up to Alex's text box. And let me tell you, guys, there is nothing like getting scanned for the first time. You're gonna love it. Really. Now, over here is the favorites section where you'll find all the most popular emojis. And, of course, you'll find my cube here. You are smooth. Just doing my duty. What? What did I say? Rocket looking to party. Come on, tell me you aren't just a little bit tempted. Steven, for the last time, I don't want to buy a time-share. Come on, man, it's Hi-5. You know me, I'm a favorite. Alex hasn't picked you in weeks. And if he stops picking you, you're no longer a favorite. It's got to be some sort of mistake. I mean, look at me, I'm an attractive hand giving a high five. Fist Bump. Come on in. Hey. Fist Bump? He's a knucklehead. Literally. Look at him. I can look like that. Cramp. Huge mistake. Help. Help me. Help up the hand. There you go. Thanks, mate. Hey, little Meh, how about you create a distraction, and then I'll just slip under the rope? Is someone lost? Smiler, hi. Just leaving. Yeah, you know, just killing time before I go back to my cube in the far corner where Alex can't even see me anymore! You may not be a favorite anymore, but you will always have a place in the cube. Yeah, in the nosebleeds. I'm standing right here. Words hurt. The most important thing I can tell you is to just be yourself. Blah. I was made to be happy, so I am always smiling. Places, please. Emojis to your cubes. Attention. We've got incoming. Got to be meh. Got to be meh. My gosh, my own cube. I can't believe it. I could put a plant over here. And over here could go an inspirational calendar. Okay. Got to be meh. Got to be meh. Look at our son down there. I'm just beaming with pride. You don't think he'll actually get picked, do you? Hie-ro-gly-phics. Hieroglyphics was an ancient language of picture forms. Does that remind anyone of anything? Hello? A language of pictures. Anyone? Early hieroglyphs date back as far as 3,300... I got to reply to Addie's text. What should I write? Nothing. Words aren't cool. Okay. Be cool. Be cool. All right, Alex is not sure how he wants to play this. I would really love it to be me. Beam me up! Beam me up! I need Thumbs Up on standby. Yeah! Thumbs Up is going in! Wait! Alex is changing his mind. He's moving. Okay. Looks like it's gonna be Meh. I'm so nervous, I could almost shrug. We are go for Meh. Initiating scan. Okay. You can do this. I can't do this! I can't do it! What is this? Stop the scan! I can't! It's too late! Meh, meh, meh, meh. My goodness, I'm freaking out! What's he doing? He's making the wrong face! Good for him! Little... Wait, what? Be meh! Be meh! Be meh! Abort! Abort! Shut it down! Shut it down! What is that emoji? Wrong emoji sent! Evacuate the Meh cube! Evacuate the cube! I got to get out of here. Get that bozo out of there! I'm trying! No! My God. The humanity. Medic. Sorry, everybody. That was not what I meant to do. I kinda... I kinda panicked. Are you even a Meh at all? Course he is. He's my spitting image. If you have expressions other than meh, what you are is a malfunction. Malfunction? No! I can be meh. Just give me one more chance. That's not gonna happen. You know what would be really fun? A board meeting. Where we could figure out what to do with you! I knew there was something wrong with him. A malfunction? What's gonna happen to him? He can't work on the phone. What would Alex think? What do his parents think? I just wanted to be useful, you know? Fit in. Now everybody thinks I'm a malfunction. I am a malfunction. Even if you are a malfunction, Gene, your mom and dad still love ya. I knew you weren't ready. Let's get you out of here and take you home. One day, all this will blow over, and everyone will almost forget about what you did. Until then, you should probably stay locked up in the apartment. Wait. You want to hide me away? You're embarrassed of me. It's for your own safety. We're trying to protect you, son. Gene? Where are you going? I'm not gonna run away from this. I'm an emoji, and even though I'm not sure exactly which one, I've got to have some sort of purpose here. I know it. Gene, no. Sweetie, please. Boy. A malfunction... Order! Order! The motion is carried. So, how'd it go, Gavel? Hey, Light Bulb, tell me what's going on in there. What? Poop, what is it? Tell me, turd. Tell me true. What happened? I know it was an accident. We all have accidents. You're so soft, Poop. Not too soft, I hope. Gene! We were just gonna come looking for you. Why don't you come inside the boardroom, and we can have a teeny, weeny chat. Um, I came up here to defend myself, but you seem pretty happy. So, good news? Right. I'm always happy. Right. Hashtag truth. Well, the only thing that could ever make me unhappy is if one of our emoji team made a mistake, which caused Alex to lose faith in the phone. And then our whole world gets wiped out. Smiler, I double-pinky-swear promise to you that I will never, ever make a mistake in the cube again. We know you won't, Gene. We know you won't. You know, the first time you said it, it sounded genuine, but then you repeated it, and then, that was weird. That's because we're setting you up with our best Anti-Virus Bots. So, they'll like... They'll just... They're gonna fix me? Actually, delete you. But yes! If you get deleted, you don't have to worry about what your purpose is or the future or why you're such a malfunction. 'Cause you're deleted, right? All right, good talk. Bots! No! Don't let him escape! Party time! Wait a minute... The air is better here. Beer, Tea. I'm Coffee! Sorry. Sheesh. So edgy. My old cube. Take a hike, Mike. -My name's not Mike. -What? There's AV Bots coming! For me? Just because I'm in the wrong section? Holy deleto! What do we do? Quick! This way! Let's go. Don't tell anyone you're about to see this. They'll never find us down here. Where are we? The basement? No. Welcome to the Loser Lounge, where the emojis who never get used hang out. Go fish, Fish Cake With Swirl. Sweep so you won't cry. Sweep so you won't cry. Sweep so you won't cry. I almost got deleted. Me, Hi-5. Hey. What's up, Hi-5? They weren't trying to delete you. They were trying to delete me. You? What's so important about you they'd send out an entire team of Bots? They say I'm a malfunction. You bringing malfunctions in here now, Hi-5? For crying out loud, Abandoned Luggage, that had better not be my leftover Chinese food. What Chinese food? Do you have any idea what it's like to be living large, hashtag blessed, the favorite of the favorites, and then demoted to this pit of despair? Here, will you hit my calluses for me? At least you're a working emoji. That's all I ever wanted. Well, if that's all it'll take for you to be satisfied, then just find a hacker and get reprogrammed. It's not that complicated. Where would I find a hacker? In the Piracy app. Duh. Who took my clear nail polish? Piracy app? To get there, I mean, I'd have to leave Textopolis. So? I've done it. Would you be a brother? One of the Princess emojis left the phone altogether. Now she lives on the cloud. That is good. I'm sure the hacker that helped her do that could easily reprogram you. The name's Jailbreak. Jailbreak? That's great! Reprogrammed. I just need to be reprogrammed, and then, I can finally be the Meh I was meh to be. Help me find that hacker, Hi-5. Will you? Please? Maybe this hacker could help you, too. Like rewrite some code, get you into the favorites section. Wait a minute. I've been trying to use my charisma and sense of entitlement to get me back on top, but all I need is a hacker. Today's your lucky day. Let's roll. Hey, can I come, too? Talk to the hand, Red Wagon. I thought I was. Bye, Felicia. Ciao, Fish Cake with Swirl. Daddy's heading back to the VIPs where he belongs! Wait. What about the Bots? Good point. Good point. Ouch! Hey. I shouldn't have picked the cactus. I just... I shouldn't have picked it. You didn't even try to get the tree. It's baffling. Let's go. Hi-5? Hello? Hi-5? Where are you? I'm right here! Gene! Here we are, end of the text app. No way. Come on, Gene. It's perfectly safe. Gene, help me! The wallpaper monster's got me! No! Hold on, hold on! Hi-5! No. This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Hi-5! I'm... I'm just messing with you. It's one of those rubber finger-monster puppets from the '80s. I collected the whole set. All right, you coming? What do I do? What do you mean? Just take a step through the other side. This is it. The next time I come back here, I'll be a real Meh. Hi-5? No! Are you finished? Where are we? Welcome to the Wallpaper. This place is incredible. Each app is its own unique world. That's my face. You're on my... Thank you. What is this place? WeChat. It's like a whole other world. It is. What are they? They're Bubble Pups. They might be cute, but, man, are they clingy. Whee! They're stickers, Gene. Try to get with the program. This is so cool. Wait. What's in that one? -Guys, look at this picture. -Look at my baby. This is what I ate for breakfast. -This is what I ate for lunch! -Here's me on a hike! Here's me in the gym! Here's me in the bathroom! Everybody's talking about themselves. How does he know so many people? None of these people know him, but they like him, and that's what matters in this life, popularity. I... I think I'd... I think I'd rather just have a real friend. A real friend? How's that gonna get you anywhere? What you need are fans. They give you complete and unrelenting support. As long as you're on top. Poor Gene. I blame myself. I blame you, too. I just wanted to be supportive. You just wanted a vacation. You take that back, Mel Meh. Bots. If they haven't found Gene by now, he must have skipped town. You mean the Wallpaper? Our boy's on the run. How about we find him ourselves? Yeah, for sure. Tell all Bots to follow those Mehs. I'm sure they'll know all the freaky-deaky apps Gene will hide out in. I'm really good at making plans, you guys. Right? Here we are. The Piracy app. This is where we'll find Jailbreak. Um... But this is the Dictionary. That's just what Alex wants his parents to think. This is called a skin. Really? What could a teenage boy possibly want to hide from his parents? Just try to keep up. This place can get a little rough. Ahoy, mateys. Look who's back! Hi-5! I'm a bit of a celebrity here. Always welcome.! Loser! Come on. Follow me. Great. Emojis. I thought the conversation just got dumber. Internet trolls. Just ignore them. Eventually, they'll get a job or a girlfriend or some sort of purpose in life, and they'll stop. Virus. We'll just... We'll just walk over this way. Hi! It's so great to see you again. Do I know you? It's Spam. Just sign here and I can get you special discounts on vitamins and credit card offers that can save you up to 25%. No, no, no, don't get sucked in. Back off, Spam! It's the only way to deal... Back off! Thank you very much! You can illegally download our CD right here. Hey, Trojan Horse. How are you? Yeah, what'll it be, hand? I'll have a bottle of "Hack Daniel's." Maybe with a plate of cheese and hackers? You trying to find a hacker? You can just ask, you know. Sorry. Um, yes. We're looking for a hacker named Jailbreak. I know a guy that can hook you up. Right over there. He looks capable. No, not him. Her. Wait. He's a she? Hey, Jailbreak. Mind if we join you? Yes. That's the thing about the Internet, isn't it? You can never tell if someone's being ironic or sincere. I sincerely, unironically want you to go away. That's a good one. So, here's the thing. My friend Gene here has a little problem. Well, see, I'm supposed to be a Meh, but I don't really feel... Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's good. And we thought you could help, since you got the Princess, you know, off the phone. Not interested. Hold up. That's not a Meh face. Bots! They're after me! How are you doing that? Look, it's just something I can do. Can you help us? Follow me. Bots! Delete my history! I corrupted the entire hard drive. I made the most delicious cinnamon buns. Maybe if there was something to, you know, jog my memory. Come on! Move! Hey, Trolls, why is that mailbox wearing a tuxedo? Hi! It's so great to see you again! Call me! This tunnel will get us out of here. Move! Did that cloud taste sweet to you?! Help me! Help! I'm stuck! Sweet motherboard! Where am I? Get me out of here. Hey, Palm Face. Try getting him out the top! Already on it! Hold tight, Gene. This feels very odd, and it smells. I mean, it smells good, it smells delicious, but I still don't like it. The game obviously thinks you're a candy, even though you're weirdly misshapen, you know? What are we gonna do? Stay very still. Don't worry. We've got your back. Right, Hi-5? Hey, Fingers! You want to focus? For your information, I happen to have a sugar addiction, and it's a very serious... Listen, Finger Head! We have to get Gene out of the game without blowing him up. I don't want to blow up. We have to match up the candies, so that Gene will drop to the bottom. And we can't match him with any yellows, or else... Don't do that. Please don't do that. Watch. Match three in a row. Don't blow Gene up. Got it. And we have to be very careful. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Careful. -Candy! Watch it! Hey! No! No, no, no! Slow down. Not the yellows! Not the yellows. I said careful! My mom just joined Facebook. Can you believe she wanted to friend me? Hey, Addie, I was just wondering if you are... Tasty. What? Um... Excuse me? Sweet. Hey, Addie! Hi, Nikki. See you later, Alex. Sugar Crush. So over this. Wireless Wireless. How may I help you? I'd like to make an appointment. It's like this phone is playing games with me. Hey, what does this do? No! Get me out of here! No! Stop it! Stop, stop! It's not working. Well, there's one option left. We line you up with the yellows. But you said not to do that. Special candies get transported to that jar. The game might think you're a special candy. And what if it doesn't think I'm a special candy? Well... Jailbreak, hello? Hello, Jailbreak? Sorry. What if it doesn't think I'm a special candy? I'm not too worried about it. Okay, just do it. Gene! Gene? Hey. No! Gene! You're alive! You were trying to see if I had somehow turned into candy, weren't you? Yes, I was. And you have not. Hey. Looks like something popped up on Alex's calendar. I'm sure it's nothing. Alex made an appointment at the phone store. No! Calm down, everyone! Calm down. Don't worry. Everything is fine. Maybe Alex just wants to buy some accessories. His appointment is with technical support. Well, I'm sure we still have plenty of time to figure this out. His appointment is for tomorrow. Then maybe it's just for some routine maintenance. Actually, it's to erase the phone. Listen, Gene, I'm about to become your knight in shining armor. You are? Yeah. But first, we need to get uploaded to the cloud. That's where we'll find the source code to reprogram you. The cloud? Isn't that off the phone? Ding, ding, ding, ding. You got it. Yeah, the cloud. Off the phone. We're in Candy Crush, obvs. I know a shortcut to Just Dance, which is right next to Dropbox, where we can get uploaded to the cloud. Of course. Just Dance, then boogie over to Dropbox, catch the link, and zoom. Hold up. Here's the stinker. Before they let us into the cloud, we have to get past this firewall. The firewall uses face identification. Yeah, the firewall. Which is really annoying, because I've already tried to get through. Guessed wrong once, and now I'm locked out for life. Locked out for life? You're thinking, 'cause I can make different faces, the firewall will think I'm different emojis. Yeah. I wanted to say it 'cause it was my idea. You know, women are always coming up with stuff that men are taking credit for. You know what... Well, then let's hit the road. Hi-5, you coming? I'm coming! Why do I always think I'm gonna come around on black licorice? My precious. Hey! Move it! Certain death, here we come. Let's try this one. YouTube? What a visual treat. And I don't even need a remote. That guy is so expressive. He reminds me of Gene. Yeah. Something really wrong with him. Our son is a malfunction, and you should never have let him go into that cube. Don't blame me for this, Mel. I am hopping mad at you. See? Mary, I think we're being followed. But don't overreact. I told you not to overreact. What are you doing now? They'll be in there for hours. Mary, where are you going? I think we should go our separate ways, Mel. I thought I knew the Meh that I married, but maybe I don't. But, Mary... This tunnel will help us avoid the Bots. Thanks for helping us. It's really nice of you. NBD, dude. The truth is, you're helping me. Come on, let's move it. Why so slow? Hi-5, stop. Why are you getting so close? What's with you? Back off. Can't stop now. I'm having a sugar rush! I'll go around you. If I stop moving, my heart's gonna explode! Coming through, Jailbreak! Look out! Hey! Watch it, Knuckle Butt! I can't feel my face. So, Jailbreak, back there you said I'm helping you. I've been trying to get past that firewall for months. Come on, come on! The faster we get there, the faster I become a favorite! Look at me! I just want to bounce out of here, get off the phone, and live on the cloud. What just happened? You don't like it here? There's so many rules here. What is up with that? The cloud is supposed to be amazing. There's so much to see and do. Sugar crash. I can't hold on anymore. Catch me, Gene. Catch me! And you can be whoever you want. Thanks. You're free! Come on! My gosh, my hands are sweating. You are a hand! Yeah! You know, come to think of it, I don't really remember there ever being a hacker emoji. Um, you know, you're taking up too much of my brain space. Let's keep the chitchat to a minimum. Someone likes you. What are you talking about? This is just like when Peace Sign gave me just one finger. I knew she was in love with me. Let's go! I'm never eating another piece of candy ever again. Hi-5, don't do it. Don't you do it. It's already been in there once. Don't do it. Are my fingers getting fat? I'll tell you what, this bandage wasn't so tight before. Okay. We get through this app, and Dropbox is right on the other side. We just need to keep it super DL in here. And no matter what, we can't turn it on. OMG, this turned it on! What? I'm a hand. It's a big, red button. What's happening? No, no, no, no, no! Welcome to Just Dance! Follow my moves and you get to move forward. Do the wrong moves and you get an "X." Three strikes and you're out. Out? What does she mean by "Out"? Digital death. Thanks to you, Fingers. Now we're gonna have to dance our way out. Which is all right with me, 'cause I can shake it like Michael. Or Michael's glove, anyway. Are you ready to dance? This is bad, Gene. I can't dance. I got no groove. Come on. Everybody can dance. Not me, okay? I'm really stiff. See? I can't... Don't understand. Okay. No, no... Stop, stop. She has to stop. I see now what you are saying. Just follow her moves. Ready to dance in three... This I can't do. Two... Dude... Just shut up and... Dance! It's too easy! Hee-hee! Shamone! Jailbreak! I got you. Look. Just feel the music. Express yourself. Through dance? Yeah, you got it! Go, girl! Now throw some sauce on that dance burrito. I'm doing it! I'm fully nailing this dance! You got it! Great job! You're moving on to free dance! Impress us with your moves to move forward. More dancing? You're killing it, Gene! Slay! Nice! Shake it, Gene. You won't break it. Wait a minute! I've never seen that dance before. What's it called? Um... The Emoji Pop? I love it! What? You do? Everybody, do the Emoji Pop! Hoo! Yes! Princess. You're the Princess emoji? You never got off the phone. Welcome, new players! What? Who? No! We got to go. Don't worry. They're robots. They can't dance. Downloading funk protocol. "Can't dance," he says. Move! Congratulations. You're a disco diva. Hey, Alex, you gonna dance for us? Alex, that's extra homework for you. Hey, Alex, you gonna shake it? No! No, no, no, no, no, no! Alex must be deleting the app. Watch out! We got to get out of here. Come on! This song is my jam. Hi-5, come on! Let's go! Hurry! Hi-5! Gene! I got you! Gene... Hi-5! Gene. Hey, wait. Where's Hi-5? Alex trashed the app. And Hi-5 right along with it. Wait, what? Wait, trashed? Hi-5 is in the trash? He wanted to dance. But I knew it was a bad idea. We got to get him out of there. Gene, Dropbox is right here. That's our ticket to the cloud. And the trash is on the other side of the phone. We don't know how many other Bots are out there. I'm sorry. No way. We can't go without Hi-5. I don't care how far away it is. That's my friend down there. I'm not just gonna leave him to get deleted. What? What is it? I've always just thought you got to look out for number one. Well, what good is it to be number one if there aren't any other numbers? Okay. I'm sorry. This is my malfunction. I just... I can't be meh about anything. This is why I'm going to get reprogrammed. Well, it's actually kind of cool. Wait, really? You know, I think I know a shortcut. We can take the music streams in Spotify. Let's go give that big hand a hand. Come on. Alex trashed the Just Dance app, and our Bots are offline, and it's giving me a real headache. I am so angry. I really need to stay happy. Can we please lighten the mood? No one can resist una fiesta! Not that happy. We've only got four hours before Alex's phone appointment. If they find a malfunction on the phone, we are all gonna be wiped. Yeah. She said, "Wiped." Aim higher, Steven. I didn't want to have to do this, but it is fun to press buttons. The illegal upgrade. Now that makes me happy. I just want to dance. Dance, please. Arr! Quiet, you sassy gypsy. Where am I? Hi! It's so great to see you again! You're in the trash, Fingers for Brains. Get away from me, Troll. Hi! It's so great to see you again! I got to get out of here. You can't. And at the end of the day, the trash gets emptied, and we're all gonna die! No. No, no! This is the last face you will ever see. No! This is Spotify? Yep. Every one of those streams is a different song. Is it safe? Yeah! Are you sure this is a good idea? Fastest way to the trash, dude! Could we at least pick a calmer stream? Okay, buzzkill. Alex. A bunch of people are hitting the promenade. I think Addie might be there, too. That's perfect! I have an appointment down there, anyway. I've got to get this phone fixed. Hey, bubble butt. Yeah, you do. Much better. So, I got to ask. Is it true that when a princess whistles, birds fly down from the skies, and... Hello, stereotype. That is a complete and total myth. I'm sorry. Did you realize that on the first emoji set, a woman can either be a princess or a bride? That's why I need to get to the cloud, where you can be whoever you want to be. Get ready. Whale song coming. -Wait, wait. Whale what? -A whale song. From Alex's biology presentation. You're not gonna see that sitting around in a cube. It's funny. You want out of the cube, and I want in. Gene, if that means you can't be yourself, what's the point? You know, I think you're pretty cool just the way you are. We're gonna need this. In the trash? Me? I used to be somebody. Here I am. Look. In an old e-mail Alex never sent. "Addie, blah, blah, blah, blah, bla-la-la-la." And then there's me, Hi-5, right there, doing my job. FYI, nobody cares about you. Just leave me, Troll, and let me die in this dump alone. Let me look for the world's smallest violin in here, so you can play it. It's the Hand Angel of Mercy. She's finally come for me. Give me your hand! I mean, give me yourself. Take my hand, angel. I'm ready to take my place amongst the other great hands of the past. It's me, Gene! Gene? I got him! Take me with you. Hi-5! Let go of me. Don't leave me down here! You were wrong, Troll. People do care about me. And I'm not upset, Troll. Do you see how not upset I am? Gene, you came back for me. You saved me. It wasn't just me. Jailbreak helped, too. And she's a hugger. Give her a squeeze. No, no, no. There really is nothing greater than the feeling of being truly free. You filthy trolls, I inhaled your stench, but I was once one of you, so I, too, feel your pain. Now go. Be free! Should be smooth sailing from here. Gene. Gene. Gene? Are you Instagramming? Where is my Gene? Mary. You've really done it this time. No, you haven't. Mel? What are you doing in Alex's trip to France album? I was looking for you. None of this is your fault, Mary. It's mine. What do you mean? Is that a tear on your cheek? It's my fault Gene is the way he is. I have other expressions, too. I think they've just been buried away. But with Gene going missing and thinking I might have lost you, too... Mel. Why didn't you tell me? I didn't know myself. Right now, I'm so overwhelmed with passionate feelings for you. Mary, my love for you burns with the intensity of a red-hot flame. I like that, Mel. Let's go find our son. Together. We'll always have Paris, Mary. So, you're a princess. I saw your little tiara. Very fancy. Is it true when a princess whistles, birds fly down from... That's what I said! No, guys! That's a stupid myth! What software version are we living in? Go read an e-book. Educate yourselves. Just look behind you. What the... What is that? Smiler must have upgraded her Bots. Let's get out of here before it... Hi, Gene. Remember me? Smiler. I'm coming to you live from the amphitheater. Why don't you come back to Textopolis and we can talk through our differences, okay? My friend here will escort you, all right? I'm gonna see you soon, buddy. Bye, now. We're actually gonna delete him in front of everyone. Psst! It's still on! It's still what? Jiminy Sassafras! Move! Separate! Tangle him up! Jailbreak! Gene! This way! It's still after me! Let's go. We have to make it to Dropbox. Yes! No! Go low! Don't worry. It can't get in. It's illegal malware, and this app is secure. Come on. Welcome to Dropbox. You are about to leave the phone. Remain seated, please. You might want to hang on. Why do they call this Dropbox, anyway? This is why! I see that now! Yeah! I think we're about to see that candy corn again! We made it. Hoo! Guys, guys, chill. We still have to get past that. Holy... Yeah. Hello. Welcome to the firewall. How may I help you? All right, here goes. What do I do? Sit in the corner and don't say a word. Keep those sausage fingers to yourself. Yes, Your Majesty Princess of Nightmares! Now, Gene, step onto the password icon, and I'll feed you the passwords. Okay. Okay. 10-11-2002. 10-11-2002. Access denied. Okay, try a different expression. Is it gonna blast me every time I mess up? Yeah, kinda. What do you mean, "Kinda"? Ready? Welcome to the firewall. His favorite food. Chimichangas. Chimichangas? Access denied. This might take a while. Boy. Krav Maga. Krav Maga. Major Lazer. Major Lazer. Abuela Dora! Skate or die. Access denied. Denied. I don't get it. We've tried all the important things in Alex's life. His favorite pet, sport, his favorite grandma. I'm sorry, Gene. I let us all down. You know, if I had to come up with a password, I'd probably use the name of a girl I liked. I've been all over the phone. He's never mentioned a girl. Yes, he has. Hi. When I was in the trash, I read a very interesting e-mail, but I'm just the dunce in the corner, forbidden to speak. What e-mail? Sorry, what? What e-mail? To a girl at school. He was declaring his feelings of love for her. I guess instead of sending it, he tossed it in the trash. Hi-5, this is very important. What is her name? Her name, yes. Excellent question. It was Tina. Karen. Marge. Lindsey. Alison. Sarah or Lupita. I want to say Lupita, but that doesn't feel right now I'm saying it out loud. Jennifer. Got to find that e-mail. Phillipa. I think I can access the trash. Annabelle. -I got it! Addie! -Yes! Yes! That's it! Addie! I knew I'd get there. "Dear Addie, you and I, we're like diamonds in the sky. "You're a shooting star I see, "a vision of ecstasy. "Shine bright like a diamond." And he used a high five, see? I guess now we know why he trashed it. Shade. Guys, should we try this? Addie. Access granted. Snap. This place is amazing. The cloud. I can't believe it. One little emoji could sure get lost in a place like this. I guess we should make you a Meh before that Bot comes back? So, we're gonna... We're gonna do that now? We had a deal. Right? Yeah, okay. Right. I, guess I'll start hacking. We did it, Gene. All our dreams are coming true. I'll be an Alex favorite again, and you'll be a real Meh. Yeah! Yeah, but this all seems kind of super-fast now, though. Doesn't it? Hi-5, I just didn't expect to be having these feelings right now. Well, maybe you should go and express them while you still can. So, I've been... I mean, um... Ever since we... Jailbreak, you're the coolest, most interesting emoji I've ever met. And after all the adventures that we had, I'm just not sure I want all that to go away, because my feelings right now are, like, huge. I just think that they could be enough for me to want to stay the way I am. If it means I could stay here with you. Like, forever. Forever and ever and ever. Maybe longer than that even. Like in the fairy tales. Like, what is "? Is that a good "? Gene, if this is about you deciding not to be meh, then I am all about that. I like you just the way you are. But I had a plan. Right. I'm not just some princess, Gene, waiting for my prince. I mean, what you said was beautiful, but... Gene. You're all meh. The source code worked! Turns out I didn't need it. For the first time in my life, meh is all I feel. No! Gene! Hi. I have an appointment. I'm a little early. No problem. I can take you right now. Jailbreak! Don't do that! That freaky huge Bot has got Gene back inside the phone. What? He left looking more meh than the meh-est meh face I've ever seen. What did you say to him? It's what I didn't say. We've got to go get him. How are we gonna get in there in time before he gets deleted? I can't believe I'm doing this. You tell anyone you saw this, and I'll crack more than those knuckles. Birds do love princesses! It's not a myth. It's not a myth at all! What happened to becoming a favorite? Guess I'd rather have one real friend. And let's go get him. I can't wait to see the look on Gene's face! Look at that expression. Is that for realizing you've put all of Textopolis at risk, causing Alex to question our reliability? Hey, that's going too far, even for me. If we can delete this malfunction before his appointment, they'll discover there's nothing wrong with the phone. Any last words? Meh. Well, it's too late for that. Delete him! Wait. You delete Gene, you'll have to delete me, too. I have the same malfunction Gene does. Dad? Gosh, I don't know what to do. Yes, I do. Bot! No! Sorry, Mrs. Meh. I did not see that one coming. Smiler, I think you might be making too much stink out of all this. Really? How about you're next? I was wrong, Gene. I should've believed in you all along. What a touching daddy-son reunion moment. It reminds me of the time I deleted you both. Wait. That's this time! Delete the two malfunctions! No. How's that for an... Great. I can't reach! No! What did you do to my beautiful... My tooth. Hand, button. Jailbreak? Gene. You really are a Meh. What happened to looking out for number one? Being number one doesn't matter if there aren't any other numbers. Alex's appointment! He's deleting the phone! No, no, no! Show me Alex. Are you sure you want to delete everything? Do it. Red alert! Red alert! Alex, no! Game over. Fellas, I'm afraid this is last call. Dude, Addie's here. You should go over. Every time I try, I screw it up. I don't know how to tell her how I feel. If we help Alex connect to Addie, maybe he won't delete us. I might be able to bypass the wipe and get a text through to him. But we'll only have time to send one. Maybe I should go. He has love in his eyes. Send me. Alex looks nervous, too. He's more shy than nervous. Stop! It's Gene. He's all of those things. An emoji should only be one thing. Really? The Princess! Linda! Not now, Mom! Gene, you got this. That's not me anymore. But I have to try. It's starting! No, it's ending! I'm working on it. Mom? Dad? No. I'm in. Last time I was in this cube, I screwed everything up. Gene, why do you think I came back? It's because of you. Me? It's all inside of you, Gene. Just try to bring it back. And do you. Hi-5! I don't want to wave good-bye. It's now or never, Gene. Jailbreak, now! Check out this emoji. No way. Hey, I got your text. That's one super-cool emoji. I know, right? A lot of feelings in one. I get it. I like that you're one of those guys who can actually express his feelings. Yeah. That's me. So, do you think you'd want to... Yes. I'd love to go to the dance with you. Hey, excuse me. We made it! I could've lost you, Peter Pinkie. Or you, Reggie Ring Finger. Even you, Tiberius Thumb. Change your mind? Yeah, maybe it's weird, but... I'm gonna hold on to it. Gene, you did it! You saved us all! Mel. Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene. Gene. Gene. Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! They love us! And Hi-5! And Hi-5! And Hi-5! And Hi-5! They love both of us! Hey, what up, Gene? Slap me some skin. And a little porridge for the pinkie. Hey, Hi-5, save me a dance for later. As long as you're not all hands again. Back on top of the hand pile. You're not on the list. -Wait, what? -What's going on? From now on, everyone is welcome! Wait, what is all this? It's for you, Gene. Everybody, the Emoji Pop! This is jazzy. Yeah. Go, Eggplant! Go, Eggplant! Go, Eggplant! We are out of Alex's pocket, emojis. This is not a butt dial. To your cubes. -Are we up and running? -Roger that. Good, 'cause we got incoming. Looks like it's gonna be Gene. Hey, Gene, ready to try out your new cube? In three, two... Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=the-emoji-movie

#emoji movie #emoji movie script #movie #movie script #script

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fuck-customers · 7 years

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Don't talk shit about my mom to me. I'm her daughter.

So this story is a fuck coworkers story, if anything. I am so angry at my mom's supervisor right now.

Let me set the scene. I was working last night, 4/27, and I was on register in my department. It was about 6:30 and my manager was on her lunch, so if I needed an override I would have to call the front end. Some more background, my mom and I work at the same store, she just works in the front end as a checker and I work in another department, so the manager or supervisor that came over to give me an override was directly above her.

I want you guys to make your own assumptions about him, but let me start it off by saying that I really do not like the guy. He's very condescending whenever I speak to him, he'll talk shit about someone as soon as they're done talking to him and have walked away, he's made jabs about my mom towards me before. For example. he's asked me why she even works, or if she even has to work. He's also tried finding out from me what she does in her personal time, because he couldn't get a 'read' on her. I told him it was none of his damn business, so we aren't really on good terms, and this only made matters worse.

He comes over to give me the override, and the customer I was waiting on was super patient and very friendly. We were talking about where she was going to be moving to, and I told her my brother was working there at the moment for his job, and we found out that her brother works at the same company. This is all while we're waiting for coworker to show up for the override. He gets up there after about another minute, and being in typical coworker fashion, doesn't immediately give me the override and wants to talk crap about another coworker, IN FRONT OF MY CUSTOMER. LIKE wut?

So, I was super uncomfortable as he's going on and on and stuff, and so was the customer, it was obvious, but he didn't care. I finally interjected and said that I needed the override for whatever reason and he handed me his card. I scan it, the receipt prints out. I turn back towards my customer and continue with our conversation about our brothers and the like. I had though coworker had left already, but he was still standing right behind me like a fucking creeper.

He interjects into the conversation and goes, "What are we talking about here? Family business?" All smug and arrogant, like what even?

And the customer goes, "Oh no, we just found out that our brothers work for the same company and they're both working in (location) right now." It was quite obvious that she was annoyed that he had butted in.

He then goes, "Oh yeah, kind of like how your mom works up front."

The customer looked confused at that comment, so I explained how my mom works up front. I then explained how I was originally supposed to work in that department and that I wasn't allowed to because my mom worked over there, conflict of interest and stuff, which was fine. I also explained how it really shouldn't have mattered because my mom wasn't a supervisor, so I wouldn't be working under her. The customer was listening to me, and really not even looking at coworker at this point, you could tell she didn't want to talk to him.

What this fucker said next, in reply to me saying my mom wasn't a supervisor to the customer, was beyond outrageous. He goes, "Oh you're mom would NEVER be a supervisor." He said it in the most condescending shit head of a voice, and then laughed really obnoxiously. He saw the look on my face and I think he realized he fucked up.

I looked at the customer, mortified, and she gave me a pitiful smile and said, "Have a good day, hon." And didn't even look at my coworker or say anything to him.

"I definitely did not mean for it to come out that way." He was totally back peddling, but I really didn't give a shit.

"Seriously? She never wanted to be a supervisor. She doesn't want to deal with shitty ass customers yelling at her all deal. She could do it, and I know she could. That was so goddamn rude." And I walked away from him. He looked at me, I could tell from my peripheral, but I didn't eve acknowledge him.

He left to go back up front, and I told my coworkers what happened because it really bothered me a lot, and they all agreed it was a really shitty thing to do and say in front of the customer. Especially since the customer so obviously did not like my coworker. I just can't believe he would say something like that! I haven't told my mom, and I'm not going to, because it would really hurt her. That's why I'm venting to you guys here, but good grief, learn to show some class and have some common sense about what you talk about in front of customers! And people's children! You might not like the results!

#submissions #cashier problems #fuck managers #fuck co-workers #fuck retail #embarrassing #submission

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pixelatedlenses · 7 years

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Hi! I'm a recently accepted JET and I found your blog. I'm trying to research what it's like to be at school. I think people post a lot of the good stories online but have you had any bad days?

Hey there, anon. Good morning from Fukushima City! I saw this ask on my tablet when I woke up, and wanted to reply to it as quick as I could. Unfortunately, I got caught up in cleaning, and am returning to this in the afternoon but fear not: here is ar eply!

I’ll agree: I often talk, primarily, about my positive life experience here, and while I think that the realism of living daily life in a foreign country is important, it does mean that I don’t reveal my bad days often.

So I don’t forget to say this, most of my issues have not come from JTEs. I am very blessed and thankful to have a whole cadre of JTEs at my base and visit schools that genuiely want me to hep introduce American English and American culture through my experiences in the classroom. The treat me as an equal, and help me understand what students need when I ask, and work with me, never against me. I really valuae that, and wish that everyone had my JTEs: they’re great people and have helped me evolve into a better ALT. I also hve two great supervisors: one last year and one this year, both of whom are wonderful, caring, and want the best for me. They’ve helped me to doctors, with documents, classes and so much more. Trust me when I say they’re both getting some nice Christmas gifts as the beginning of a lot of thanks.

Truly, I’ve got some great peple.

Now, let’s get into the meat of this.

Now, as you’ve pointed out, not every day is good.

Outright, thee worst days are days when I can’t connect: that happened mostly during Winter. Living in a valley basin, the nights are so long, the weather intense at times, and the school super cold. Coupled with a lack of a car and a dependence on public transportation, I often found myself sulking at my desk from January until late March. They weren’t necessarily because of students, but because of Winter depression. There’s a lot of little days like that, when my own personal emoions bleed out into work. I think that’s one of the risks of living abroad: you have to battle yourself.

The worst days at school though? Days when you think the students hate you. And you will, I think, at some point, because you will forget how it was to emote as a teenager when you’re mad or sad or hurt, when your own life is slipping into work, when no plans or lessons or activities are going how you planned, evne when you accounted for flexibility. you’ll forget that there is a why, just for an instant, and then you’ll snap back into yourself and think, “Let’s confront this and find out the why.”

It’s days when the kids are all battling weariness and just won’t listen, because that’s simultaneously the same day a teacher pops in to watch you.

It’s days when you feel like no one actually wants to learn, and that frustrates you, and you cry at your desk and feel so utterly embarrassed. You’ll go shopping to help, eat a really bad dinner of all junk, and cry yourself to sleep again, wondering if things are worth it, and if recontracting was ever a good idea. That’s the lowest you’ll hit.

I think it’s only right to admit that you will have low points. It’ll be culture shock, it’ll be homesickness, it’ll be very, very human.

Thankfully, those moments are overwhelmed by a feeling of being part of something bigger, but they do happen. In fact, one of my visit schools hosted primarily boys: out of the single class -it was a satellite campus- there were 28 boys out of the 34 students. And let me tell you, outside the day I played The Proclaimer’s 500 Miles, I often dredded visiting because I felt worthless save to a few students who really wanted to get o know me and practice language in a genuine way.

In fact, here’s some of my great hits:

Students just flat out not listening, then getting mad when I wouldn’t help them with the assignment because I was instructed to let them work alone by the JTE

Boys making fun of other boys who liked English

Always the inappropriate comments, especially when they derailed things

Having only 30 minutes of class instead of 50 because the students wouldn’t calm down

Boys making very inappropriate comments about my body when I asked questions about the lesson; for a while, it made me stop wearing skirts or dresses until I got angry and seemed to settle things

Students making fun of my Japanese when I tried to give a goodbye speech to them. It resulted in my crying, very publicly, in front of them. Awkward laughter did ensue, which meant more tears.

The day I left and went back up the cliffside that led to the station to lead me home, I wondered hard if I’d ever done a good job. Certainly, I had friends with the staff, but I didn’t feel like I was every liked by any of the 34 students under my study. It was a horrible feeling.

Until this March.

I actually ended up visiting their original school on the coast of Fukushima. I was invited by the staff to celebrate ths chool closing, and decidedhey gave me a shikishi board, a card often present at graduation. It was half in English, half in Japanese with furigana because they remembered I have trouble with kanji since I’m still learning. The overwhelming message?

Thank you for being our teacher. We love you and miss you. We appreciate you.

(I definitely cried. Snot and all, cried my heart out, especially since some wrote that and making the shikishi board was completely the students idea.)

I realized that honestly, I wasn’t the issue, and that often, an ALT is not the reason for a student disliking English or school in general: they disiked school and English before you. You’re just a new object of dislike..Certainly ,that doesn’t excuse 3rd Year Students acting the way they do, but it gives -and gave- me a reason to help understnad that all-important why.

And the why is that you cna’t take a lot to heart. Students are human.

Bad days almost always have a silver lining, I’ve found: there’s something more happening in the picture. your students are students, but they are also -especially in SHS- becoming adults. Though the age of legal adulthood here is 20, that doens’t meant that becoming 18 doesn’t change things. They’ll be loosed into the world soon, into a world where they’re expected to meet certain expectations.

And just like I was at 18, they won’t want to conform to social values completely. They’ll try to change the world, make it their own, work with others to realize happiness, and move ahead from public schooling into work or higher academia.

But you know what they’ll remember as they grow up and try to change their world?

You and the encounter that you had.

They’ll maybe think of that first or second or third foreigner they personally met, and maybe, they’ll share culture a bit more as they do grow into adults. They’ll remember you and not necessarily the bad days, because memory is like that sometimes, and they’ll think of a shikishi board for you possibly, or of finding you online.

That’s beauty of being a student’s next step in life, to be honest.

so yeah it’s not always good, but good always exists in my job. I think that’s a very honest thing to admit. Certainly, I’l have bad days coming uo: days when my desk is a mess of marking, days when I have no breaks and my ankles aches, days when I don’t feel present. But I’ll think about the shikishi and the students and give it my best and take care of myself always.

I’d say, easily, my job is 95% happiness. I feel worthwhile, feel like I can see a path ahead of me, and feel valued. The 5% comes in with the things above, and when I’m tired: when I feel a bit overwhelmed by a desk covered with marking -too much that I might have taken on- and when I don’t have breaks because I decided to accept more. Know your limits to mitigate frustration later: it’s so key when you’re dealing with the added stress of always acclimating to another country.

And hey: always remember that when ou need a moment, talking and communicating that is best. Most JTEs will instantly understand and even try to help you: they’re human too, and want your best.

p.s.: don’t ever take work home. That keeps tons of bad days from happening!

Sorry for the long message, but I just got going. Thanks so much for your question. Please feel free to visit again!

#anon #non-chan #anon asks #school #teaching #daily life #replies #Anon

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costco-service · 8 years

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you fool. you absolute buffoon. you think you can challenge me in my own realm? you think you can rebel against my authority? you dare come into my house and upturn my dining chairs and spill coffee grounds in my Keurig? you thought you were safe in your chain mail armor behind that screen of yours. I will take these laminate wood floor boards and destroy you. I didn’t want war. but i didn’t start it.

According to all known lawsof aviation, there is no way a beeshould be able to fly. Its wings are too small to getits fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't carewhat humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry?- Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening?- I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your fatherpaid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz.- Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.- Bye! Barry, I told you,stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam.- Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel?- A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school,three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I tooka day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry.- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie?- Yeah. - You going to the funeral?- No, I'm not going. Everybody knows,sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel.Such a hothead. I guess he could havejust gotten out of the way. I love this incorporatingan amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men.- We are! - Bee-men.- Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oitygraduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your careerat Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennasinside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like?- A little scary. Welcome to Honex,a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee,have worked your whole life to get to the point where youcan work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant PollenJocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected,scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctivegolden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot.- She's my cousin! - She is?- Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right.- At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspectof bee existence. These bees are stress-testinga new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes?- Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement,the Krelman. - What does that do?- Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it.Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs aresmall ones. But bees know that every small job,if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the jobyou pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life?I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees,as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?"How can you say that? One job forever?That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only haveto make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could theynever have told us that? Why would you question anything?We're bees. We're the most perfectlyfunctioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe thingswork a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you knowwhat I'm talking about. Please clear the gate.Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!- Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's likeoutside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks!- Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters!You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were.- I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knowswhere, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a PollenJock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollenthan you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol.Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing itand the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies?Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys.- Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerousbeing a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned meagainst a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat,and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my!- I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today,wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patchsix miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh?- Barry! A puddle jump for us,but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am.- You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy?Are you bee enough? I might be. It all dependson what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices.- But you only get one. Do you ever get boreddoing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you justmove it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm.It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad,the more I think about it, maybe the honey fieldjust isn't right for me. You were thinking of what,making balloon animals? That's a bad jobfor a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not surehe wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes.- I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're goinginto honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer?- No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now.I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Geta gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today!- Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobswill be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available?- Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations!Step to the side. - What'd you get?- Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first?- No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open,not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman?- Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See?He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up.Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling,stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven,lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, whatdo you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patchin quadrant nine... What happened to you?Where are you? - I'm going out.- Out? Out where? - Out there.- Oh, no! I have to, before I goto work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave,there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that.- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you.- OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know,bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always,watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs,birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reportsof root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it,babbling like a cicada! - That's awful.- And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one,absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check.- Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check.- Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias,you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader.We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid.It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close?- No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle itover here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one.See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, moreflowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowersseems to be on the move. Say again? You're reportinga moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good.Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys!- This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him?- I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey,because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something!- I'm driving! - Hi, bee.- He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move,he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension levelout here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you closethe window please? Ken, could you closethe window please? Oheck out my new resume.I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time.This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my specialskills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they'reflabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sunhaving a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter.At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them!This thing could kill me! Why does his life haveless value than yours? Why does his life have any less valuethan mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. Youdon't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone outis also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there.- Bye. - Supposed to be less calories.- Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life.I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law.You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it?"You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking.- Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine.I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure thisis very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me.I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposedto be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... ��I had to thank you.It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee.- Yeah. I'm talking to a bee.And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful.I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that?- What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess."Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny.- Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something?- Like what? I don't know. I mean...I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee.- I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous!- Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't.- Have some. - No, I can't.- Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where?- These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you knowanything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cabas they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church.The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon?I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive,but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do?- Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer ora doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really?- My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just electedwith that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area.I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes?- Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee.- Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am?- Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great.Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks!- Yeah. All right. Well, then...I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank youso much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go.We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing.- It was amazing! It was the scariest,happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believeyou were with humans! Giant, scary humans!What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things.They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV?- Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back?- Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You sawwhatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now youcan pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well...- Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!- No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider?- I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing,with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law.You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa.- Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talkingto humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s!One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life!And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb.- It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat.That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is?- No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot!- Listen to me! We are not them! We're us.There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can denythe heart that is yearning? There's no yearning.Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee,my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days!Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisionsto think about. What life? You have no life!You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill youto make a little honey? Barry, come out.Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here.- I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me?- Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going?- I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge paradeof flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses,that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surroundedby flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the rosescompete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one.How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't yourun everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see.All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease.It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting.It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully.You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out.Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?!- It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody.Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages.Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got thatdown to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.- I'll bet. What in the nameof Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here?Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor?- I never heard of him. - Why is this here?- For people. We eat it. You don't haveenough food of your own? - Well, yes.- How do you get it? - Bees make it.- I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring.You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic.- It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this!This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?!I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottomof all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done?- Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out,with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something.So you can talk! I can talk.And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff?Who's your supplier? I don't understand.I thought we were friends. The last thing we wantto do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossedthe wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunchfor my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knewwhat hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anythingthat moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms.I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you?- He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?!- Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade!- Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything haveto be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes!Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington,I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee!- Moose blood guy!! - You hear something?- Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars,as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goesis where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight.- We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own.Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble?- You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack.See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world.You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up,get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leavethe building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys!- Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here.Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brainthe size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker.- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of thisknocks them right out. They make the honey,and we make the money. "They make the honey,and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you'rein a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here.We had no choice. This is your queen?That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolenon a massive scale! This is worse than anything bearshave done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are takingour honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory.These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What?- Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend.And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could.- Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you wantto do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives.Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember youcoming home so overworked your hands were still stirring.You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put itin lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt.- No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can stingthe humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's onlyfull-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.- And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human racefor stealing our honey, packaging it and profitingfrom it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here inour studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies,out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kidfrom the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraidto change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus?Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinkingof stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee communityis supporting you in this case, which will be the trialof the bee century. You know, they have a Larry Kingin the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a showand suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from theguest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week!They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attackat the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke!I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please.Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee?- Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello.- Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, sizeten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing.You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam herehas been a huge help. - Frosting...- How many sugars? Just one. I try notto use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, peopleare giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic!- Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worsethan a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make upfor it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.- I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done withthe humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home,"without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scenehere in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits,because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselvesif a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humansdon't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinationalfood companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to staybehind the barricade. - What's the matter?- I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The HonorableJudge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York,Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representingthe five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representingall the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery,your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believedit was man's divine right to benefit from the bountyof nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy worldMr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiatewith the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-captureHollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism!Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen,there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee.Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees.We invented it! We make it. And we protect itwith our lives. Unfortunately, there aresome people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys!I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey,you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like thatall the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhaydenof Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also ownHoneyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepersfor our farms. Beekeeper. I find thatto be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employany bee-free-ers, do you? - No.- I couldn't hear you. - No.- No. Because you don't free bees.You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would bean appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashingthrough your living room?! Biting into your couch!Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before?- I was with a band called The Police. But you've never beena police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so herewe have yet another example of bee culture casuallystolen by a human for nothing more thana prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feelinga little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first,belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spoton ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resumethat you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoilthat's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is thiswhat it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless beesso you don't have to rehearseyour part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson!I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella.This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step onthis creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court!- You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it!- Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully niceof that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken!- Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late.I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste,so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left.I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself.The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit.Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating withchopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to findthe rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment,but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just whatI was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razorfor his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that?- Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why isyour life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing.- Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey!I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to bethe nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?!Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things buggingme in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from ridingon this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificialsweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's gotan aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kindof barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it.Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomeryis about out of ideas. We would like to callMr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he'sconsidered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you'vegotta weave some magic with this jury,or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I haveto do to turn this jury around is to remind themof what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers?- Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask youwhat I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends?- Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two.From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birthto all the bee children? - Yeah, but...- So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry...- Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee,aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection!- I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venomis coursing through my veins! I have been felledby a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat themlike equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thingthey know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me.- I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercywill come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybeesversus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legalteam stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy.- Hey. - Is there much pain?- Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters isyou're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteriadownstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there'sa little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry.I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We'rejust a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to usif they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels.That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in,but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurseto close that window? - Why?- The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke!But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall.Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result,we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor,haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enoughof this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allowthese absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compellingevidence to support their charges against my clients,who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissalof this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to considerMr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof?Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor!You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this?This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly,let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked,"Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addictedto smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slavesto the white man? - What are we gonna do?- He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please,free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honeywill finally belong to the bees. Now we won't haveto work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversionof the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren,and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right?- What do you mean? We've been living the bee waya long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory.What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdownof all bee work camps. Then we want back the honeythat was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorificationof the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly,bad-breath stink machine. We're all awareof what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseousfor a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer toleratebee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honeyin bogus health products and la-dee-da humantea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down!- Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail.Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believehow much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating?- They're home. They don't know what to do.Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his wayto San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humansliked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world!I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was mynew job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understandwhy they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing.Honey really changes people. You don't have any ideawhat's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me?- This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to makehoney would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers.Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affectsthe entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here,couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me.- Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry...sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving?Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses paradein Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekendbecause all the flowers are dying. It's the last chanceI'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses.Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers!- Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know.That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not.Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake.This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet.I wanted to help you with the flower shop.I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it'sgreater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses,the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plantand flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've gotback here with what we've got. - Bees.- Park. - Pollen!- Flowers. - Repollination!- Across the nation! Tournament of Roses,Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothingbut flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside,we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess,and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit?- What are you? - I believe I'm the pea.- The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.- I'm getting the marshal. You do that!This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we dois blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport,there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float?- Yes. Has it beenin your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger.- It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun.Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll havejust enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? Wehave just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers,this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weatherin New York. It looks like we'll experiencea couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowerswith no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up thereand talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get helpwith the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talkinginflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal?- Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!- Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers.This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24Bplease report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster,a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat,they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke?- No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome.I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious,and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboardhave flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that?- Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing morethan a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?- Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry!We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have somelate-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful sceneis developing. Barry Benson,fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane,loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the areaand two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute.There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Bensonand his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a beeshouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wingsand body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air!- Got it. - Stand by.- We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of beesdoing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well,it makes a big difference. More than we realized.To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get beesback to working together. That's the bee way!We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow!- Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover?- Forget hover. This isn't so hard.Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we wereon autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me.- And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's getbehind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling!We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentratewith that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together.You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it! - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it! - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it! - Hold it!- Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowersfor a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow.- Hello. All right, let's drop this tin canon the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee. Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute.I think I'm feeling something. - What?- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac?- Get some lights on that! Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower.- OK. Out the engines. We're going inon bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one!- Which one? - That flower.- I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry!- This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this planeflying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it!You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five!- Right. Barry, it worked!Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of courseI saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you.- But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is coveredwith the last pollen from the last flowersavailable anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey,pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species,this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjustMuseum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfectfit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needsto make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll beworking late tonight! Here's your change. Have a greatafternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that?It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feellike a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry.Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me?My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite.All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie.Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry.Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks!It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?!- Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly.- Sure is. Between you and me,I was dying to get out of that office. You have gotto start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee!- Me? Hold it. Let's just stopfor a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decisionduring a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody.Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

you brought this on yourself

#I apologize to those caught in the crossfire #this means war #ask

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