#and now i said that i wasn't well mentally

[reiderwriter]

🧺 Any More 🧺

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

For the CM Kink Bingo Challenge 2024

Requested: spencer realizing that he’ll never love someone as much as he loves you. (whether that be because of a case or what have you), his mind is absolutely blown with how much he worships you and how much you love and care for him and he shows you that with the softest most sickeningly sweet sex you and him has ever done. <3

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI! Discussions of case details, case burnout, very close friends to lovers, oral (f receiving), vanilla sex (p in v penetration). Discussions of mental health, and two idiots in love.

A/N: I'm hitting the prompt Vanilla for this one, so please don't be scared off by the KinkBingo tags! I had a lot of fun writing this one (and adding Pride and Prejudice quotes into the smut scene because HELLO). Let me know what you think in the replies~♡

Masterlist || Bingo Board

You hadn't seen Spencer in 100 days. Which in the grand scheme of things wasn't that long, trapped in the purgatory of a ‘what if’ the way you had been for the last eight years. 

You'd lived without him for longer than 100 days before. He'd been in prison, you'd been on assignments, you'd lived an entire life before meeting him, but now somehow 100 days was too much time, and you were exhausted. You understood why Spencer had to take some time away from you, from the team in an official capacity after everything he'd been through. You supported him even. 

But when even your free time didn't overlap anymore, you wondered if your relationship would ever be the same again. 

Spencer was a friend, your best friend, probably. You'd arrived on the BAU team, he'd rattled off some statistics, stammering the way through them, and you'd immediately warmed to the man. He was brilliant, funny, and fiercely loyal, and you tried your best to protect him even when the job seemed designed to break people like him into thousands of little pieces. 

You'd tried to convince him to leave before, after Maeve had died. You didn't want to see him heart broken again, but no one else had seemed to agree. 

“Reid needs purpose,” they'd said. “Reid needs something to do.” 

What Reid needed was to not end up dead before he had a chance to be happy, and happiness didn't come often in your field of work. 

You'd been almost vindicated a year later when he'd been shot again, almost fatally. Vindicated, maybe but distraught and inconsolable. Morgan had to carry you screaming and clawing out of his hospital room multiple times. It sounded stupid enough to yourself that it was only then you realized your feelings for the man. 

You wanted to be Spencer Reid's happiness, which was why you were so lost without him. 

He was coming back on Monday, and at least you had the weekend to sort your feelings out about everything.not just about him, but about the job you'd found didn't fit you well enough anymore, about the team you loved like family, about the relationship you knew would likely never come to fruition. 

You dumped your bags at your door when you'd arrived in your house that night, pushed yourself into your bedroom and let yourself collapse on your bed, balling up into as cozy a position as you could. You didn't even bother taking your jacket off, you just let your brain haze over and sleep rush in. 

Three quiet raps at your door lifted you up and out of bed again, not an hour later. 

You grabbed your phone, grabbed the second go-bag you kept at your house, put your shoes back on, and opened the door, expecting Emily and a new case. 

“Where are we going?” You said, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, not even looking up at your guest. 

“Hopefully, nowhere? I brought takeout.” 

Your eyes widened then, taking in all 185cm of Doctor Spencer Reid, tweed jacket and plastic bag full of chow mein included. 

“Spencer,” you breathed out, like a sigh of relief, letting the bag drop to the floor next to the first one and letting yourself into his arms. 

He held you carefully there for a second before leading you back into the apartment, wrapping an arm around you and ruffling your hair. It was brotherly, and it made you sick to your stomach. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Emily said you were back from a case,” he started, unpacking the takeaway from the containers. “And it feels wrong to eat this without you.” 

You rolled your eyes and followed him into the kitchen, pulling two forks out of the drawer nearer you and stabbing them in the top of your two cups. 

“Hey, I can use chopsticks now,” he said, defending himself against an inside joke. Spencer was always useless with his hands. 

“I don't care if you can use them, I care that they don't accidentally end up stabbing me,” you said, taking yourself back to your bedroom, Spencer following. 

“You'd hardly die from being stabbed by a wooden chopstick, maybe a papercut or a splinter but-” 

“But you're just bad enough that I don't want to risk it.” 

You kicked off your shoes again and climbed onto your bed. Spencer followed. 

“Remind me again why we aren't sitting on your couch?” 

“Uncomfortable.” 

“Or at your breakfast bar?” 

“Glorified filing cabinet right now. Eat.” 

He shook his head but complied, leaning back against your pillows as you both began carefully eating. Silently, you pulled your laptop onto your bed, opened it up, and pressed play on a movie, one you'd seen more than once, and you'd forced Spencer to watch before as well. 

In a comfortable, friendly silence, you finished your food. You stretched out in a yawn once and then curled into his side, letting his mumbling voice, repeating the movie lines as they were spoken, lull you softly into sleep. 

Spencer knew he had to leave, but he couldn't bring himself to wake you. The movie had finished hours ago, he'd closed the laptop and turned off the bug lights, but he couldn't leave. 

Unlike you, he hadn't counted the days that you'd been apart. He hadn't needed to. He knew you'd be waiting there for him when he returned, knew you'd give him a smile and a pat on the back, and immediately start bouncing ideas off of him. It was what he loved about you. 

As he laid next to you in your bed, a place he'd absolutely been before, his heart thumped. Just once, but hard. 

Even in sleep, you looked exhausted. Your shirt was crumpled, hair a mess, you were still wearing makeup, and he knew he'd probably get an earful for letting you sleep like that in the morning. You were a mess, and he still wanted you. 

The thought came to him suddenly, another painful thump of his chest echoing in his mind. He rubbed absent mindedly at his chest as if experiencing heartburn. In the dim light of the room, he let his head drop to the pillow and wrapped two shaky arms around you and pulled you in closer. 

The two of you were a picture - both in suits, both with badges still somewhere on your person, both dearly clinging to the person they feared losing the most. 

When you woke the next morning, it was actually the afternoon. 

“Spencer,” you groaned, melting under the heat of his embrace. Somehow, during the night, he'd rolled on top of you, pressing you into the bed with a delightful pressure, head nuzzled into your neck, arms tucked around your waist. 

“Spencer, we should get up,” you said again, forcing your eyelids apart as your mascara tried to glue them together. 

“Mmmmhh,” he groaned, moving to pick himself up off you for a minute but lowering himself again. If asked, he'd blame your hand in his hair, stroking the rogue curls gently, as if he were a prized pet and you their carer. 

“Spencer, its 2pm.” 

“On a Saturday.” You laughed at how pouty his voice sounded, but he complied and rolled off of you slightly, arms still wrapped around you. 

“Come on. Get up. I've got some clothes that might fit you, let's get you out of the tweed.” 

He huffed but nodded and lifted himself halfway to upright, eyes still closed lazily as he let in the light millimetre by millimetre. 

“God, my face feels horrible,” you said, itching at your nose. “How did we even sleep so long like this? My belt is still on, Spencer, my belt.” 

“If you were still wearing a weapon, then I'd be worried,” he smiled. 

You shot him a sarcastic look and finally detangled yourself, only to clasp his hands and pull him forward as well, letting him trail you to your closet. 

“Here, change in the bathroom,” he nodded and walked away, following directions with eyes still closed, as if it were really his apartment and not your own. 

100 days without him, and it was as if it had only been 100 hours. Your entire body chemistry changed when he was around, the stick holding your spine rigidly in place, dissolving into calm, into a smile and a free giggle. It felt right again, and you almost forgot you'd ever felt wrong. 

After briefly changing, you swapped place with Spencer, who'd exited the bathroom with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and wet hair. 

“Dry it for me?” He asked, sitting on your couch, and you nodded your ascent. A shower and a quick change later, and you were doing just that. 

As much as he tried to keep his head upright, it kept lolling onto your thigh, yawns stretching out of him as he nuzzled closer to you. 

“Spencer, you're like a big kid, keep your head up.” 

“I'm not a kid,” he laughed, hooking his arms behind your knees and nuzzling closer into your soft sweats. “I'm just tired.” 

“You're right. A child would probably be better behaved.” 

“Our child would be,” he sighed, but you'd already turned the hairdryer back on, drowning out everything. Everything but that thump again. A child, he was thinking about children, and more importantly, he was thinking about your children. With him. 

He'd always imagined himself with a family, knowing it would ultimately stay in his imagination. But for a second, his visions changed. It wasn't just a child or two. It was you. Thump. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. 

He only released the image when you finally pushed his head off of you and stood, turning away from him to get a glass of water from your kitchen. 

“So, any plans today? Books to read, papers to mark, undergrads to run away screaming from?” You let the ice water cool your hot cheeks, but kept your back to him. You were hot, embarrassed, and you were looking at him in a sickeningly sweet way that could only be described as love struck or struck dumb. 

“No, no, I finished all my obligations at the college yesterday,” he said, following behind you and picking up your cup when you set it down, taking a sip himself. 

“I was… I was actually hoping we could spend some time together? Unless you had plans, which is totally fine-” 

“No, Spencer, yeah, I have no plans, that's…. Well I have to do laundry, which is a bit boring but, no. No plans.” 

“Laundry?” 

“Two week case in Florida, I don't know how you didn't smell me yesterday, Spencer. I'd be running for the hills.” 

He laughed and stepped away again, grabbing the two go bags by the door and coming back into your space. 

“How about we get this done now so we can spend the day in a Who-Trek marathon?” 

“Make that a Who-Greys Anatomy Marathon, and you have yourself a deal.” 

He pouted again, and you snorted at the sight, taking another sip of water to calm yourself before you could react safely to that face. 

“Come on, you know you've been dying to know what happens next at the Grey Sloane Memorial Hospital.” 

“I thought it was called the Seattle Grace Mercy?” 

“Oh we better get to that laundry now. You have a lot to catch up on.” 

Grabbing a bag in one hand and his free hand in your other, you made your way down to your building's laundry room. But despite the man by your side and the relaxing day threatening to stretch ahead of you, a gloom caught you in the corridors. 

You'd worked for two weeks, practically solid. You'd killed a man two days ago, or at least someone on your team had multiple shots having been fired. Another day on your job, another unsub felled, and everyone else was content with this just being a part of the job description. 

It felt like each step towards the laundry room, each thing you did that was normal, that was regular, threw back in your face the pain you endured to save lives. 

The bag in your hand weighed you down, pulling you lower and lower by the second. 

You reached the laundry room, and you found the weight almost unbearable, stopping just before you could step in. You didn't have to think about what came next though, because suddenly the bag was out of your hands and Spencer was sorting your laundry for you. 

“It's a Saturday, so your neighbour's won't complain if we separate the darks and lights into two machines, will they?” He asked, not looking up at you as he worked pouring out the fabric softener and the detergent. “Y/N?” 

You hadn't noticed the lightness in your body until the tears hit your cheeks, the weight gone with his support. 

“Y/N, what is it? What's wrong?” He said, hands cupping your face, because of course he was immediately at your side. 

“I-I can't do it, Spencer…” your voice shook, pitching upwards, your vision blurring with tears. 

“Can't do what, Y/N? Talk to me please, let me help?” 

“I can't do laundry!” You said, finally bursting into a full fit of tears and burying your head in his waiting chest. 

“L-Laundry?” He said, trying not to laugh, but the smile slipping out anyway now you were holding him. 

You only sobbed again, nodding into his shirt, aware you were probably leaving snot all over it but not being able to care. It was your shirt anyway. You would just have to add it back to your laundry pile. 

The thought set you off on another wave of sobs, and Spencer set about comforting you again. Keeping an arm wrapped around you, he put his quarters into the machines and set them off before quickly ushering you back up the stairs into your apartment. 

“Y/N? Y/N, please talk to me,” he begged, smoothing your hair out of your eyes as you tried to gather yourself.

“I don't…. I can't….” You took a breath again, aware of the way your breathing hitched in your chest as you did. 

“I don't think I can do this anymore,” you said, and his eyes widened quickly. 

“This? Y/N, if you mean this as in us, then I can't-” 

“This job,” you clarified, hands digging into the soft flesh of his arms further as he held you, finally sitting back on your couch. 

“The job. Okay, the job. That's okay. We all feel like this at some point.” 

You sniffed again and refused to meet his eyes. 

“But this isn't like the other times this - It's like my whole b-body is protesting, and I can't sleep, and if I don't, then I might get sloppy and an unsub could-” 

“Y/N, focus on my voice. You're spiralling. Listen to my voice, let's take some breaths, and think about this for a second.” 

He guided you through some breathing, a hand on your back tapping out beats even as his voice grew quiet. 

When you finally relaxed, you were sat on top of him, his hand rubbing circles into your back. 

“I think it started when you left,” you whispered. “When you went to Mexico, and then, you know,” you've voice thickened, and you couldn't get the words out. 

“And then these last 100 days they've just been…difficult.” 

“100…difficult,” he echoed, almost breathless as he listened to you. 

“It's like I can't do it without you. I never had to try to do it without you, and now I get what people say when they say this job is shitty, because it is when your best friend isn't there.” 

You gave him a weak smile and wiped away your tears, trying to climb from his lap. But his firm arms held you still, and you didn't really want out anyways. 

“When I get home, everything is different, and I can't make myself do anything. If you weren't here, I wouldn't have done that laundry. I'd let it sit and avoid it for weeks. Do you understand?” 

“Y/N, lots of people feel depressed sometimes-” 

“It's not - Spencer, I don't think this is something I can medicate my way out of. I don't know what to do because I can't do my job without you, and I can't be happy doing my job, and if I leave my job I'll be without you and then-” 

Your voice cracked again. 

“And then I still won't be happy.” The words were barely a whisper, but they were a plea, too. You weren't sure what for. 

“You can't be happy without me?” He asked, but it was more a statement than anything else. Spencer felt horrible in that moment as his chest rattled, gleeful that he was your happiness. 

“I love you,” he said, outloud finally after eight years. 

“I love you, too, Spencer, but-” 

“No, Y/N. Listen to me. I. Love. You.” The thumping of his heart set the tempo for the choir that was his senses to begin singing, as he finally leaned forward and kissed you.

“I love you, and I don't care if you're working at the BAU or if you're avoiding laundry at home. I, god, you're amazing and wonderful, and you're a human being, and you've our yourself under so much pressure for the last decade to keep me alive, to keep all of us alive really and….” 

He took another breath, leaning into kiss you one more time. 

“And you deserve a break.” 

“W-When we take breaks, people die.” 

“Did anyone die when I was teaching for the last three months? When JJ went on maternity leave?” 

You shook your head, but your brain was still a mess. 

“You all had reasons, I-” 

“You have reasons, too. Y/N…. Y/N, let me be your reason.” 

For a moment or two, Spencer truly thought you were going to say no. He thought you would get up and walk away, or better yet, ask him to leave and never come back. 

So when you pressed your lips to his, he was sure that this was a dream. 

But to you, it was salvation. Spencer Reid's love was the lifeline you'd been thrown, and it was buoyant enough to make you start floating. 

His hands kneaded the flesh at your hips as he pulled you closer still to him, his tongue slipping into your mouth to explore every part of you there. 

“Y/N… love…you,” he mumbled with each spare breath he caught, and you only detangled your lips to hear him say it again as he pressed similarly heated kisses against every inch of your exposed skin. 

When Spencer's mind lost its ability to create original speech, he leant back on a lifetime of information, of learning love through books and people and marathons with you. 

“I know that all I know right now is that I love you. And I know that I always will,” he whispered, lifting you and carrying you back to the bed you'd only crawled from an hour hence. 

A hand slid under your shirt, and slowly pushed it over your head, letting it slowly drop to the floor as he held you tenderly. 

“To me, you are perfect.”

His mouth found one nipple, and he gently kissed, then suckled at it, hands softly caressing your stomach, feeling along every ridge of you as you writhed under him. 

“Of all the FBI Units, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.” 

“Spencer,” you said, voice still thick with tears, but these ones more tender, more joyful. 

His hand eased your sweats over your ass and off, his hips settling between your legs as if he found the place he was made to lie forever. 

“The truth of it is, I’ve loved you from the first second I met you.” 

His mouth trailed lower until his tongue hit your clit, brushing against it languidly, as if it was his deepest desire to taste you and nothing else ever again.

His tongue flattened and flicked and pushed inside of you as you replayed his words again and again and again. You found yourself repeating them with him. 

“I love you,” you echoed as he pushed a finger inside of you. 

“I.. love you,” you gasped as he added another. 

“I love you,” you screamed as your back arched up off the bed, finding your pleasure in his tongue, just ad you'd found love in his words. 

“You have bewitched me body and soul, and I love….” He freed his cock from his pants, and took it in hand.

“I love…” With another kiss, he pressed the tip of it against you, asking for permission silently as you nodded your head. 

“I love you.” He pushed in slowly, but it wouldn't matter how he did it because now you knew how he felt, and you didn't want to return to a time of not knowing. 

Hooking your legs around him, Spencer dropped his forehead to yours and looked you directly in the eyes as he began moving. In and out, he thrust, mouth open in a moan of pleasure, likely mirroring your own.

The poetry, the movie lines, they were gone now, and Spencer was left with nothing but you, and love, and love for you. 

“Spencer,” you moaned out, and he felt his chest swell. Pride. His name on your tongue, his body pressed to yours, claiming you as his ad you claimed him as yours. 

He came with a shudder and you were not far behind, his undoing sending a shiver up your spine as his fingers grazed your clit again. 

You sat panting for a minute, still attached, still forehead to forehead. 

You weren't sure if it was him who giggled first or if it was you, but you were glad it was one of you. 

You spent the rest of the night, the rest of the weekend, wrapped in his warmth, dressed in his love, taking each day a step at a time as you basked in his adoration.

[treacheryinblue]

A Noah Sebastian x F!Reader One Shot

Word Count: 2.3k

× Summary: Noah does what he can to help relieve some of the overwhelming stress you're forced to endure. It's just smut.

× Warnings!: SMUT (oral [f receiving]) aka Noah obviously being the munch we know he is. language, 18+ , no proofread, no revisions, written in about an hour so it is what it is. •‿•

Masterlist

Study, study, study. 

Work, work, work. 

That's all you did nowadays. 

The routine of it all had become monotonous to say the least, though it's what had to be done if you were ever going to finish your degree. Your third attempt at said degree. School just wasn't for you and you had figured that out as soon as you walked across the stage at your high school graduation however many years ago. While most felt excitement with continuing their education, you felt nothing. You hated it; the deadlines, the papers, the asshole teachers who always acted as if they were leaps and bounds better than everyone they encountered. What you hated about it most of all, though, was the lack of freedom. 

Only one thing - one person - was keeping you going despite the headaches and breakdowns where you’d yell that you were “over it” and it was “all so useless anyway”, and that person was Noah. Maybe it sounded cliche, but he truly was your rock through it all. Even with the loads of stuff he had going on, he still always found time for you, especially when he could tell that you were on the verge of one of those previously mentioned breakdowns. This just so happened to be one of those nights. 

You were sitting on the couch of his home studio, anxiety-riddled fingers tapping away at your keyboard, trying your best to finish a paper that was due the following night. Of course you shouldn't have waited until the very last minute, but procrastination was what you did best. Noah would beg to differ, but you didn't have the mental capacity to get sucked into those sorts of thoughts right then. 

Every now and then Noah would swivel in his chair to look at you, ask how things were going, and then turn back to his music once you replied. The answers were never what he wanted to hear, but he understood. He didn't want to be another source of aggravation for you, so he never pushed. Little did he know, just having him around you was enough to calm your nerves. That, plus the melodic vocals he would softly sing every now and then truly could work wonders. 

“I think it's time for a break,” he exhaled while rolling his chair to the side to set his guitar down. “I can almost see the steam coming off your head.” 

“In a minute,” you murmured under your breath. Your brows were furrowed, keys of your laptop still rhythmically tapping until you groaned and slammed down on the backspace to erase the paragraph. 

“Oh no, now.” Noah stood from the chair with a chuckle and made his way to you, his body dropping down on the couch at your side. His hand immediately went to your bare thigh, fingers slowly caressing along your skin and working their way towards the innermost area. 

“Noah, come on. I have to finish this,” you sighed, attempting to move a bit to shake his hand away. 

“You also need to take a breather, let out some frustrations. Maybe then you can come back to it with a clear head.” 

You were ignoring his words to the best of your ability, as well as his wandering hands. 

“That's what I do when I get stuck with a song.” 

And didn't you know it. On many occasions Noah had tracked you down within the house when he should've been working, just to let out some frustrations between your legs. It didn't matter what you were in the middle of doing when he found you because he would bend you over any surface and fuck you until the creative juices were flowing again. He claimed it did the trick every time, but you weren't convinced. This is even what led to him teasingly calling you his ‘muse’ when the moments would arise. 

A heavy sigh sounded as his hands began to tug at your shorts, though you only leaned off to the side and propped yourself against the arm of the couch. You wanted space between the two of you, but not so much that it meant one of you going to another room. No, you still wanted to be close. 

“Noah…” you huffed, your foot gently nudging at him when he went for your shorts again. This time he succeeded in drawing the fabric down your legs and tossing them aside. Despite this, your eyes remained focused on the laptop screen. 

He glanced at you as his strong hands pried your knees apart and fully spread you open for him. “Continue to work if you want to,” he shrugged. 

You didn't want to admit that you had become aroused during this miniature cat and mouse game the two of you were playing, though you were sure he noticed the small wet spot beginning to form on your panties. Sometimes it was so frustrating how easily he could get you going, even when you were mad at the world and just wanted to throw something. 

Noah released one of your legs so he could run his fingers along your pussy over your panties, again and again, making lingering contact with where he knew your clit was each time. Your face remained expressionless, eyes still set on the glowing screen, but your body was definitely reacting to him. You knew you were becoming wetter by the way your panties clung to your folds and Noah continued his strokes with more vigor.  

“Is this really the time?” 

There was no response because his mouth was soon occupied with digging the tip of his tongue into your clit, the added scratch of your panties causing your toes to curl and your hips to jolt slightly. Noah smirked to himself at your reaction because he knew he would be able to get to you eventually. There was no way you'd be able to resist and you both were well aware of this. 

Tattooed fingers soon tugged your panties aside, a faint hum of delight coming from him at the sight of your wet cunt so open and vulnerable. Just his for the taking. 

“Fuck,” he murmured while lowering himself back down between your thighs. His lips secured around your clit for a gentle suck before his tongue began taking long licks across the swollen nerves. 

Your fingers stalled on the keyboard, your head falling back as a moan was pulled from your chest. How were you supposed to get your work done when Noah was so intent on using his own methods of calming you? 

“You taste so goddamn good.” 

Noah moaned into your cunt, eyes closed, the entirety of his mouth devouring you like a starved man. His motions were slow but precise, fully knowing what he was doing. He was basically a professional when it came to your body. 

Okay fine, he could win this time. 

You quickly saved the document you were working on and then closed the laptop, the device now set on the floor by the couch. Even though Noah didn't dare stop, you could tell he was excited about getting what he wanted. 

With your hands now free, you reached down to slip your fingers through his hair, eventually latching onto the dark locks. Noah dragged his tongue down to your entrance, slowly swirling around the drenched hole, only to then make his way back to your clit. He knew that if he lingered at your clit for too long then you'd be cumming in less than two minutes, and that wasn't the sort of experience he wanted you to have tonight. 

“Mmmph!” A moan transferred to a slight squeak as his teeth gently nipped at your clit, your hips bucking up towards his mouth. He chuckled to himself at your reaction, which only earned him a firm tug to his hair. 

Noah glanced up to you, playfully glaring. He shook his head as he sat up just enough to shift your legs together, your panties quickly slipped down and tossed aside to be forgotten like your shorts. You were then being spread open again and no time was wasted before he was back to business. 

“Oh! Oh my god, just like that!” 

A couple of long fingers plunged into your cunt, slowly easing in and out and pressing up to your g-spot in a way that had you panting and your body trembling. The sensations were maddening, especially as Noah’s tongue swirled around your clit, alternating between this and firmly suctioning his lips around it. 

“Mmm, don't stop. Yes!” 

His fingers drove deep into your pussy and then paused once fully buried. You made a slight sound of protest, prompting him to begin making that goddamned ‘come hither’ bending motion that made your breath hitch and your lower back arch. 

“You like that, baby?” He taunted, long swipes of his tongue again being taken in an agonizingly slow pace. Each motion caused your pussy to clamp around his fingers, the sound of how wet you were easily deciphered behind your moans and heavy breaths. 

“Y-Yes…” you stammered, nodding. “It feels so fucking amazing.” 

Noah's proud smirk was so prominent that you swore you could feel it against your pussy. Honestly, it was impossible to miss. He always loved knowing how good he could make you feel with just his hands and mouth, and sometimes only his words too. 

Your body felt like it was overheating, although in a good way. To ease some of the fire, you grabbed onto the hem of your shirt and pulled it up over your chest. Your abdomen was tense from contracting, pert breasts on full display for him. It only took a moment for you to begin rubbing and kneading over your tits, squeezing them together and sinking your fingers in deep. Noah glanced up to you, his mouth stilling completely though his fingers continued their thrusts. 

“You're so needy,” he grinned as his lips began to move along your inner thigh. He suckled and bit at the tender skin, making sure it was hard enough to leave little marks behind, ones that only he would be able to see and know who you belonged to. 

“All you needed was for me to make you feel good, baby,” he breathed along your heated flesh. “Fuck the frustrations right out of you.” 

The addition of his low voice, along with you now pinching and rolling your nipples, had you right where he wanted you. Noah gave no warning before forcing a third finger into your already tight and stretched cunt, the intensity making you drop your hands to the couch so you could grip onto the cushions for dear life. 

“Noah!! Fuck!” 

The pressure of your orgasm was swelling until your body couldn't contain it any longer. You were in a frenzy as your hips grinded down against his fingers in time with his thrusts, nails scratching along the leather couch, head tossed back so your passionate cries could freely ring. That’s when Noah’s skilled mouth attacked your pussy again, his tongue hungrily lapping at your clit and your arousal that had spilled past his fingers. He groaned against you, and you even noticed his own hips rutting into the couch, his whole body being put into eating you out. 

“Don't stop…right there…” you gasped and moaned between each statement, the climax coming on fast and strong. “Yes…oh my god…I'm going to cum…”

Noah rammed his fingers hard into your core and made sure to stroke along your g-spot with every retreat, only to repeat the motions until you were nothing but a whimpering mess beneath him. It was that pace that finally sent you careening over the edge. Your hands grabbed the back of his head so your nails could scratch the base of his neck and along his scalp, all while your hips unapologetically pressed as close to his mouth as possible. This left him no choice but to continue circling your clit and pulling it between his lips, suckling as if your life depended on this orgasm alone. 

Your cunt surged around his fingers in a flood that rushed with such force that you could see his chin glistening, as well as the couch that now pooled with your cum. 

Satisfied with his work, Noah began to slow down his pace only when your hips did first. His goal was for you to ride out the orgasm as long as possible, and the way your body still twitched and your pussy clenched let him know all he needed to. 

As your body stilled, he slowly retrieved his fingers and watched in awe as more of your arousal dripped from your spent cunt. Typically he liked to watch as his own cum spilled from you, but right now wasn't about him. 

Noah slowly kissed along your thighs, across your abdomen, and up to your lips which he eagerly claimed with his own. You were still in haze, floating in your own little world thanks to the great orgasm, but even that couldn't stop you from moving your lips in perfect sync with his. As your arms slinked around the back of his neck, his hands dragged up your sides until he was grasping firm to your waist to pull you close. 

“Feeling better?” 

You softly laughed, a content sigh following as if to show him just how relaxed you were now. 

“Yes…and now I really do need to finish my paper but all I want to do is that again and again…and maybe again for good measure.” 

Brushing a hand along the side of your face to push your hair back, Noah grinned, his head slowly nodding in agreement to your words. Unfortunately, he knew he couldn't let himself be that bad of an influence over you. 

“Finish your paper and then we can see about that. Think of it as motivation.”  

[lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me]

⋆୨♡୧⋆l-l-love🤢⋆୨♡୧⋆

as y/n walked to the hype cafe, she immediately spotted riki, a head above the rest. so tall she could point him out in a crowd anywhere. she took a deep breath and took a moment to compose herself before eventually walking over to him. she tapped him on his shoulder as he was facing away from her. "oh! hey!" there it is that smile. to say she loved his smile would be an understatement. she thought it was the prettiest thing she'd ever seen and she nearly felt as if she was going to die at the sight of it. she couldn't help but smile back at him. "hey! how are you?" what he wanted to say was "so much better now that i'm with you", but what came out instead was "good. yeah, i'm good, what about you?" his eyebrow raised, it was single handedly the cutest thing y/n had ever seen. "i'm pretty good. doing a lot of schedules for debut, you know, usual stuff" could she be anymore awkward? clearly yes. first "thanks you too" and now "usual stuff" she felt like she wanted to disappear right then and there, but riki absolutely loved it. this whole time he thought she was so cool and calm, but really she's cute and awkward, which he secretly liked more than if she would have been chill. he finds himself staring at her for a moment before quickly catching himself "oh um- did you want food? I didn't get any cause i wasn't sure if you'd want anything." she smiled at his thoughtfulness and said "no thanks, i'm not super hungry right now. thank you though." he thought back to their conversation yesterday, the whole reason why they're here now. "so, you wanted some tips about mcing?" he asked. "oh! yeah. im kind of nervous, i have no idea what i'm doing and you've ben an mc before, so i was hoping you could give me some advice?" she was hoping this didn't come off as pathetic or anything. i mean, who needs advice on how to talk into a mic? y/n apparently. "well," he starts "for me, i find its best to interact with the fans while waiting for our speaking parts. it calms my nerves before speaking because i'm talking to people that support me. often times it's mostly your own fans watching you in person. that’s at least what sunghoon told me. and if you're worried about messing up lines or something, I'll be there to cover for you, reading from a prompter is hard, so if you mess up its okay. don't worry too much about it." she nodded along to his words, taking mental notes on his advice. "thank you, i really appreciate it. i don't know why im so nervous. its just talking into a mic to a camera." she sighs. "I mean, I understand. it's nerve wracking when it's your first time. I felt like that too when I mc'ed for MAMA one year. it can be scary talking in front of a bunch of people and trying not to mess up. that's why you have a co-host, me! if you do mess up, I can cover you so it doesn't look too much like an accident." her heart fluttered at that. over something so small? she knew it was corny, but she couldn't help it. she felt so strongly for him. she always thought that if she actually talked to him, this whole little crush would go away. but to her surprise, it only got stronger. "you know, since we're going to be working together, we should get each others numbers." her heart stopped, and so did his. hers in shock, and his in fear. what if she said no? what if she thought he was weird? did he really just ask her for her number? there's no way. she froze for a moment, but realized she really should probably respond to him "yeah! yeah of course!" riki was never more relieved in his life. he handed her his phone "here, put your number in." she took it from him and put in her number, texting herself. "there. i can send you a picture for my contact photo later" his heart raced, he had just gotten his crushes number, and she's going to send him a picture of herself later. could his life get any better then this? "okay, sure, yeah, that sounds good" he stammers. is he really flustered right now? oh my god she thought. as the two talked and laughed together, they figured out they're more similar then they thought they were.

the pair quickly growing closer in just mere hours, both feeing significantly strong for each other than when they first said hello earlier. as the time drew later, the two decided to end their night, quickly realizing the ghost town that the hype cafe had become. "oh- well, its late, and my members are blowing up my phone asking where I am" she laughed as she scrolled through the countless messages left by yunjin and hanni. 'yeah, I should probably go too. I told jay I'd help make dinner tonight" he sighed, wishing he didn't promise jay anything and he could hang out with y/n for longer. she laughed lightly "ill let you go then. text me though, okay?" what had come over her? did she really just say that? (y/ns version of flirting was a bit different then others, that being because she didn't know how to flirt) riki nodded and smiled "yeah, I'll text you. see you later!" he waved to her and started to walk away. she waved back and watched him go. she sat back down and sighed once he was out of her sight. she was so fucked. she was completely and utterly melted by him, and they had only just official met yesterday. maybe there was something wrong with her. but frankly, she didn't care. maybe she was being delusional like usual, but she was pretty sure she could see something there with riki.

masterlist | next | previous

luckys note!: guys i’m so good at writing��😎

© lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me, 2024. do not copy, translate or upload any of my works without my permission.

(📌) PERM TAGLIST IS OPEN!

(🩷) MIDNIGHT FICTION TAGLIST! @nctislifue @akuspic @pkjay @siya-bean @eun-chaez @wavetosunoo @gweoriz @luminouskalopsia @soobiary @ivyannemarie @rikikiynikilcykiki @emma2black @enh4ht @wooziswife @jjunie-0 @yumilovesloona @wth121 @riksaes @isaxshin @allforhee @rikisgeef @sunghoonsarmpit @autumn583 @tzuyusluv @lukesboo @anormieee @rockyhedgehog @thomawifey @lovrqis @akashisthighs @just-a-girl-with-hyper-fixations

(dm me/comment under the midnight fiction masterlist to be added!)

[redxx95]

How Cherry Magic avoids romanticising self-sacrifice

Alright strap in boys, this is gonna be a long one.

Spoilers for the manga (mostly the english volumes but I will include a bit from vol 12. I'll mark it tho so yall may skip it if you don't want to be spoilered).

So in this one I want to examine how cherry magic does a great job at portraying self-sacrifice in a relationship as an actual flaw rather than a romantic ideal to aspire to. Very often you'll see characters in media putting their own needs aside for their lover. A lot of people will swoon at that because it is usually presented as proof of how dedicated they are to their partner and their wellbeing. (See... well the thai adaptation actually).

But what has pleasantly surprised me is how Toyota handles this in her manga.

Starting from the beginning, we all know the millions of things Kurosawa did for Adachi to get closer to him. After all, that is what's usually expected of him if we talk traditional gender roles. But one of the reasons Adachi even starts falling for Kurosawa is because of how he was for once able to do something for him.

For someone with very low self-esteem, being able to help this super-capable perfect man is a big boost in confidence and also raises his own selfworth.

So now let's look at a few instances of selfless action and the consequences resulting from them.

First one is the disaster-date in volume 4

Kurosawa does his very best to choose activities that he thinks Adachi will enjoy. That is his primary concern.

The effect this has on Adachi though is that the gap between them feels impossibly wide, only worseing his already low opinion of himself.

Whenever Kurosawa does something big, it makes Adachi feel that much smaller. That's why he'd rather them be equals in everything instead of one giving more than the other.

Next is the argument they have in volume 8

Kurosawa attempts to, very selflessly, protect Adachi from his lowkey homophobic parents. He doesn't want them and their opinions to hurt Adachi personally, so he ends up lying to him to keep the peace. The effect this has on Adachi though is disastrous. At first he's just generally worried about why Kurosawa would even lie to him in the first place, but then they have that fight in their living room and you really get a good look at how negatively this affects Adachi.

The very first conclusion he jumps to is that he's not doing good enough for Kurosawa to feel secure with him.

The next one is even worse, where he thinks he's not good enough in general. Both of these show how when pressed, he will default to blaming himself, believing that he is the problem first and foremost.

And then, if all of that wasn't bad enough, this happens next:

He's actually being self-deprecating again, something he hadn't done ever since Kurosawa told him not to in volume 5. And yes you can actually go back and check for yourself. Whenever he has negative thoughts after this point he's always pushing back.

So there's an escalation happening here, one that is entirely caused by Kurosawa not sharing his burdens with him, by making their relationship unequal.

I think it also hurts him extra bad because they've had this argument before, just with their roles switched.

So to him it must feel like Kurosawa is betraying the important lesson Adachi learned from that argument, which is that communicating with your partner is important, even when you feel like it might hurt them.

There's also something to be said about how most people would've probably stopped prodding when someone says "it's something I can't tell you", but Adachi knows that Kurosawa has a pattern of hiding his issues from him thanks to the mind reading, which is the whole reason they had that argument in vol 6 in the first place.

So, to summarize: Whenever Kurosawa acts selfless it takes a toll on Adachi's mental health. Because of his low self-esteem he needs to feel on equal terms with Kurosawa to be able to see himself as worthwhile. (And obviously he also loves Kurosawa and doesn't want to see him in pain just in general.)

So after all that, surely Kurosawa would have learned his lesson, right? Surely he wouldn't just do it again, right?

... Spoilers for volume 12 start here ✨

So volume 12 is all about Kurosawa overworking himself because he's been assigned this big project by their chief to oversee their company's spot at a stationery convention. (I didn't look up whether or not that's a real thing but it is in the manga universe I guess lmao.)

Adachi tries to help alleviate his burdens with mixed success.

(On the left he feeds Kurosawa because he needs to finish his work and doesn't have time to eat. On the right he tries to take a phonecall for Kurosawa but gets told that Kurosawa needs to hear it personally so relaying a message won't do.)

Then Adachi muses to himself how Kurosawa was always helping him out in the past and how Adachi can't do anything for him in return, especially since they're in different departments. He feels very useless, which is once again bad for his mental health.

Later at home, he offers to at least take over the chores for the time being, but gets told that Kurosawa actually enjoys doing chores so there's no need for him to help.

Kurosawa tells him that all he needs is Adachi to be close to him, while making out with him on the sofa. And right here we see how he only got half the lesson he was supposed to have learned in volume 8: In their fight Adachi told him that they should both be happy and he should share "all the hurt" with him, too. Well, the simple solution to that is not to see all his burdens as burdens, then he's not hurting and Adachi doesn't need to bother fussing over him! Win-win. Epic mind gymnastics 😎 (To be honest, I feel like this is actually very relatable to people that tend to give more than they take. We get so used to the weight of the burden that we don't notice it slowly pulling us down.)

So Adachi obviously notices what's going on and berates him about not having understood anything he said from that fight.

Throughout the volume Kurosawa gets more and more overworked, makes mistakes and is confronted with unexpected complications. He's very adamant about not asking anyone for help though, stating that he "can't be bothering his senpais any more than he already has" and that he's "doing this all for the sake of his future with Adachi".

He also still has some hangups about people seeing him as just a pretty face, as you can see in that flashback in the second page. He constantly feels the need to prove himself to others, which prevents him from ever seeking out help.

So when he inevitably reaches his limit, Adachi is finally able to be there for him, being the only one that sees through his facade.

(That hand kiss is so precious 😭)

Also, on that first page Adachi asks him whether or not he's fine, which reminds me of this panel from volume 6:

He really knows him so well.

Emboldened by his husband, Kurosawa finally does ask for help and is, of course, met with understanding and sympathy.

...

Spoilers for volume 12 end here ✨

So all this to say: Sometimes, when we try our best to be selfless and to protect the people close to us, we do more harm than good. Sometimes we cause harm to others (see volumes 4 and 8) and sometimes we cause harm to ourselves (see volume 12). It is of course a noble cause but it's not something to strive for at all times and can sometimes be actually counterproductive to what we wanted to achieve in the first place.

As someone who breaks themselves apart to help all the people around them, this aspect of the manga resonated very strongly with me and is probably the biggest reason I got so obsessed with this silly little BL romcom.

I know that this manga is not like, the best in quality. I know it's super niche and silly and cannot compare to the big popular mainstream manga with lots of depth and thought put into it, BUT.

A piece of art doesn't need to be "good" in order to resonate with people. You don't need to paint the mona lisa to reach someone and make them feel seen. You just need some sort of medium and a will to communicate something to the viewer. (Something an AI could never replicate but that is a whole other discussion.)

This manga reached me when I needed it and it communicated a message that resonated with me and that is all it needed to do for me to love it to the point of obsession. 💖

Finally I'm done with this essay it is so long oh my god. If you reached the end of this, I'm so sorry. I hope you enjoyed it tho.

[kimmiessimmies]

Personal post

This will probably be the most non-Sims related post I've put on this blog ever. I'll put most of it under a cut, so you can choose whether or not to read it. The thing is, I could use some advice. And asking strangers from all over the world advice on something important might be weird, but you are also my community, so I value your opinions. Don't worry, this isn't a "Kim being depressed" kinda post. 😉 It's a work thing.

Upfront: This post is about me being unhappy in my current well-paid job and my search for something that makes me happy. It might come across sounding a bit entitled, since I know there are many people who would be happy to have any job, just so they can pay their bills. I'm sorry if this post triggers that, and I know I'm privileged to even be in this situation. ❤️

TL/DR: Do I stay in a well-paid, secure job that doesn't bring happiness and actually negatively affects my mental health because of it? Or: Do I take the plunge into the unknown and give up the securities I have now for something that could potentially (but not guaranteed) not only make me happy but bring me opportunities as well?

Okay, here's the deal. Currently, I work in education. I've been teaching for 19 years, and for the last 3 years, I've held the position that best translates to special needs coordinator at the school where I've been all of my working life. In short, my job entails making sure the teachers have the tools they need to help all kids in their classes with special educational needs, to make sure each child ends up in the right form of education fitting their needs and dealing a lot with difficult or even alarming home situations. My job can be rewarding at times, and challenging at others. Aside from this, I've been part of the management team at my school for almost 8 years. I work at a big school. It wasn't big when I started there, but it's big now. I have a degree in Early Childhood Education, and that's also the age group I've always dealt with. It's the age group I've always taught, and it's the age group currently under my supervision in the position I'm now.

This past year, I've struggled with my mental health, as I've mentioned before, and have not been at work fully for a while. My therapist and I established that while work is "okay", it's also not bringing me joy anymore while my job was once the happiest and most passionate thing I did. Right now, it's blah. This position is not one that really suits me, yet I don't want to go back to teaching either. I've been there, done that. Add to that the fact that, come September, my boss requires me to change my position slightly. I'd be doing the same thing I do now, but for an older age group. This has given me a lot of stomach aches, because the thing that still drives me to do my job now is the fact that I'm doing it geared towards the youngest kids in school.

All in all, the job is not bringing me happiness in the slightest anymore. Having said that, I know a lot of people do jobs that don't make them happy, but it pays the bills, so let's suck it up and just do it. Which is fine, I can do that too, except my mental health suffers...

However, there are a few good things about this job too:

The pay is really good

I have lovely colleagues

I have a lot of credits here because I've been here for so long. They know my worth

I have a very understanding boss who's been nothing short of wonderful during my depression

(If you're still with me, thank you for reading this essay all the way, it's appreciated 💗)

My therapist asked me, "If money weren't a factor, what would you be doing?" My answer was "write." More specifically, I just want to stay home all day and work on ATOH, but no one is going to pay me for that. 😄 So, write, or do a job in which writing plays a role. So, she advised me to start looking for jobs that fit that description. It was a rather depressing search. Most jobs that came close to what I'd like to do require degrees or diplomas I don't have.

And then I suddenly stumbled upon something: Assistent Project Manager at a small, but well established company that creates educational projects (usually based on children's books), books and materials geared towards early childhood education in particular, and currently expanding to do the same for education to older kids as well.

I felt like I had found the holy grail. This is writing, this is editing, this is being creative, this is working with authors, but it's also closely related to early childhood education, the thing I know so well. Despite still being semi depressed, I felt like I needed to at least give this a shot. So, I wrote a letter, enclosed my resume, and waited. I didn't have to wait long, because a few days later I got an invite for an interview.

I went for the interview and was welcomed at a small and very homely office space (with an office cat!). We had a good talk and I left happy. They invited me to do a "trial day" with them, which is what I'll be doing today. They've had a lot of applicants for this position, but from the contact we've had since, it seems like I stand a good chance.

Sounds like a no-brainer? Perhaps, unless you have my brain... Because there are doubts:

Pay. This job pays quite a bit less than my current one. I'm a single parent and therefore sole breadwinner in my household. Currently, I make quite good money because I've been in this job for a long time and hold a relatively high position in the organisation. We can pay the bills, go on holidays, and even splurge occasionally (for example, the very pricey laptop I bought a few months ago). With this job, I would still make enough to pay the bills and go on holidays, but I will need to keep an eye on the money, and there won't be splurging for a while. I do know this sounds like a luxury problem to some.

Job security. In my current job, I'm under a fixed contract. Basically, unless I royally fuck up, I can't be fired. With this job I'd start on a year contract. After that year, they can either decide to give me another year or let me go. This won't just be if I mess up, but also if they decide I'm not the best person for the job after all, or if I don't fit in with their small, close-knit team. Worst case scenario; they let me go, and I'll have to go back to education and probably teach again.

These doubts are few, but strong. So, basically, like I already said above: do I stay in a well-paid, secure job that doesn't bring happiness and actually negatively affects my mental health because of it? Or: do I take the plunge into the unknown and give up the securities I have now for something that could potentially (but not guaranteed) not only make me happy but bring me opportunities as well (since it's publishing)?

I don't need anyone to actually answer those questions, but those are the wonderings on my mind I wanted to write down. Thanks for reading. ❤️

[burntsaltsblog]

i didn't know - billy butcher x reader

ღ∞∞∞∞❦∞∞∞∞ღ ღ∞∞∞∞❦∞∞∞∞ღ

details: set in season three. you find out that butcher took a dose of tempt v and you're highly pissed<3

ღ∞∞∞∞❦∞∞∞∞ღ ღ∞∞∞∞❦∞∞∞∞ღ

"Who the fuck gave it to you?" I demanded as I threw down my bag and headed straight to Butcher, seated in the back of the boy's office. Frenchi, MM, Hughie, and Kimiko were gathered around him but quickly dispersed upon my sudden arrival. Their eyes were trained on me as I came to stand in front of Butcher, who stared at the floor, avoiding my angry gaze.

Silence wrapped around the room, and I looked at each member of the group after realizing no one was going to answer me.

"I said, who the fuck gave it to you," I seethed through gritted teeth.

"Je ne sais pas, Mademoiselle. Perhaps Monsieur Boucher had a mental breakdown. I heard mid-life crises are quite common in men his age," Frenchie replied, trying to cut the tension with a joke. But I wasn't in the mood. My head whipped in his direction, and my eyes widened in warning. Frenchie backed up slowly and held his hands up in surrender, apologizing quietly.

"Will ya put your bloody claws away? I ain't dying," Butcher said, finally deciding to speak up.

I immediately crouched in front of him and placed my hands on either side of his jaw, turning his head back and forth. "No, but you could have," I muttered, examining him closely. I took notice of the dried blood that caked his face, and my brows creased in concern.

"S'not mine," he whispered.

"Doesn't matter. You still look like shit."

I returned to a standing position, and Butcher looked up at me as he placed his hands over his heart mockingly. "Aw, love, ya flatter me."

My face remained hardened. "It doesn't matter that it isn't your blood because your pupils are blown, the bags under your eyes are the darkest I've ever seen, and if your pulse gets any quicker, you'll have a heart attack. Taking the tempt V was the dumbest shit you've ever done. And that says a lot, considering it's you we're talking about."

"Ok, we're gonna give you guys some space," MM interrupted. I didn't bother acknowledging him and listened as everyone filed out of the room while I kept my eyes on Butcher. This was not an argument I was going to back down from.

After the office door shut softly, Butcher sighed deeply, dragging his hands down his face. "I didn't mean for ya to find out this way."

"You mean that you didn't intend for me to find out at all," I corrected.

"Fuck, doll. Course, I wanted to tell ya. I was waiting for the right opportunity-"

"Oh, yes. I'm sure it was incredibly difficult to find the perfect moment to tell me that you were using an illegal and deadly substance. It's not like you're my boyfriend or boss, who I see every fucking day." Sarcasm laced my tone, and I pivoted away, needing to calm my continuously rising anger.

"Well, now that ya mention it, love, it was a little tricky, considering Mauve only gave it to me last night."

My breath hitched, and I slowly turned back to face Butcher. "Since when did you start having secret meet-ups with Mauve at night?"

"The meet-ups ain't a secret."

"Well, they sure were to me!"

Butcher rose to his feet and stepped forward with a hand extended. "S'not like it sounds. She stops by when she finds tabs on some of the supes we're chasing. Her info has been why we've caught so many of the cunts the past few months."

I nodded my head as I laughed humorlessly. "I'm glad she's been so helpful. Thanks to her, the streets are safer, and you're hooked on something that could potentially threaten your life." I began pacing the floor, my body's way of trying to rid itself of the intense anxiety. "I mean. fuck, Butcher. We've seen what that poison does to adults. There's a reason why it only works on newborns. And I can't fucking believe that you take that shit without even telling me."

I stopped pacing to look at Butcher before continuing. "How did you even know it would work?"

His silence confirmed what I had feared the moment I found out he had injected the tempt V into his veins when Hughie admitted it over the phone.

"You didn't, did you? You didn't know if it would work, yet you took it anyway. Not giving a damn if you were injured or died as a result."

Butcher bowed his head before saying lowly, "If I'm on the same level as these supe cunts, then they have nothing over me. It's a fair fight. One I could win."

"I'm all for killing the fuckers, but that doesn't involve you dying in the process."

"But if that's what it takes, then it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

I stood, stunned, as tears stung my eyes. I stared at Butcher with my mouth parted and heart aching as the realization hit me. "You don't get it, do you?" I asked quietly. My voice threatened to waver, and I harshly sank my teeth into my lower lip to subdue the emotions crawling up my throat. "If something happened to you, do you have any idea what that would do to me?" My voice broke that time, and concern filled Butcher's face.

He started toward me, but I put my hands up as I let the tears fall freely down my face. "I love you so much that if you died, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't fucking live. And I know you don't have any self-preservation instincts, but you'll have to find some. Because if you die, Billy Butcher, I swear to God, I'm going with you."

Butcher charged forward this time and pulled me into his chest as my tears fell quicker. I gasped for air and clutched the collar of his shirt as his strong arms wrapped around my body, crushing me to him. His lips grazed my forehead as he shushed me softly. "S'ok, love. I've gotcha."

He kept repeating the same phrase as he slowly rocked me back and forth. When my breathing slowed, Butcher pulled back and cradled my head in his calloused hands. His eyes traced the details of my face, taking in my bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"I didn't know, doll. M'sorry," he mumbled as he used a thumb to catch a stray tear.

"You didn't know how much I love you?" I asked. My voice came out horse and strained.

He shook his head. "I didn't know how much my death would affect ya. I-" he hesitated before tilting my face up so I could meet his lips in a kiss. It was slow and deep, displaying the love we both felt for one another.

When we parted, Butcher rested his forehead against mine. "M'not used to having someone care about me. After Becca left, I was on me own, and for years, my only priority was killing every fuckin' supe cunt that I came across, no matter the price." He shook his head. "M'so sorry, sweetheart. If I'd known it would do this to ya, I never woulda touched that fucking supe venom, I swear."

I wordlessly pressed my face back against Butcher's chest and breathed in his comforting scent of mint, nicotine, and whiskey. His arms rewound around my waist, and I closed my eyes, wanting to memorize the way his body felt against mine. How safe I felt when he held me like this.

"Promise me, Billy," I whispered as I pulled back to look into his face. "Promise me that you won't touch that shit again. And if you want to do something that drastic, talk to me first." My fingers fiddled with a button on his shirt as my eyes drifted away from his stare. "I need you, Billy," I whispered so quietly I wasn't even sure if he heard me.

Butcher placed a finger underneath my chin and tilted my head so I would look back up at him. "I promise ya, love, with everything I have, that I won't pull some shit like that again. You have my word."

I nodded as my hands found their way into his hair and tugged his lips back down to mine. "Thank you, Billy. I love you."

"I love ya too, doll."

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[king-bumis-armpit]

A Dirty Chai and a Black Tea with Cardamom, Part 1

A Maiko Modern AU

Summary: In Ty Lee’s quest for her crush of the week, a cute blue-eyed barista at the local tea shop, Mai stumbles into a new college friend group. But it’s not all bad. That one grumpy guy is actually kinda cute…

Author's Note: This idea was gifted to me by the lovely @cowpoopies !! I’m pretty sure you were the first person to respond to my call for prompts, which was really encouraging!! Thank you so super duper much!!

And thank you to whoever’s reading this. Whether you interact or not, I love you and I hope you’re doing well <3

I made Mai very, veeeeery oblivious here, lol. My depressing in-story explanation is that her mother ruined her self-esteem. The real reason is that I like Mai and Zuko being super duper awkward and then pining for long periods of time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Part 2 of 2 will be out sometime next week hopefully. 

WC: 5,010

Mai yawned. It was seven in the morning. An absolutely ungodly hour to be functioning in the world. Her roommate had dragged her out of bed at 6:30 and coerced her into getting ready for the day. They were now on their way to acquire caffeine, passing brick house after brick house on the path out of campus and onto Main St. “Remind me why I’m awake right now?”

Ty Lee giggled. The piercing noise reverberated in the suburbs of the quaint town. Mai longed to put in her airpods and drown it all out with music. “I’ve told you like a million times. We need to see the cute barista at the tea shop!”

“And I need to be there because…” she drawled.

“You are going to demonstrate that I have friends and I’m not a murderer. It’s like the mandatory group pic on a dating profile that shows you have social skills,” Ty Lee explained. 

“Right.” Mai knew that arguing was futile. At the very least, she could get a headstart on her Judicial Politics paper. Or she could do her Research Methods lab of the week. Or start studying for her Philosophy of Law exam. Ugh! Time to stop thinking about school. As the houses abruptly became parking lots and store fronts, Mai asked, “So, which crush is this? The girl with the pretty hair, the boy with the blue eyes, or the mohawk guy.”

“Blue eyes! He’s so dreamy,” Ty Lee did a twirl as she walked. “He wears his hair in a ponytail and he makes the funniest jokes. You can’t miss him!”

“And does he have a name?”

“Probably.” Ty Lee skipped ahead and Mai sighed. If Ty Lee didn’t even know this person’s name, then she didn’t see why she was already being called into action as wingwoman. 

They stopped outside of the storefront. Mai was surprised she hadn't noticed the place before. It wasn't far from their dorm building at all, and the warm glow of the lights beckoned her in. The sign on the window read ‘The Jasmine Dragon’. 

Ty Lee walked in first, causing a string of bells on the door to jingle. Mai followed and looked around for their target. The walls were adorned with illustrations of different tea leaves, and Mai recognized a decent number of them from her Aunt Mura’s greenhouse. The inside of the building was much more spacious than Mai would’ve guessed, and housed a number of sage-green tables. The counter was at the back of the shop, likely for the ease of connecting to a storeroom. The menu above the wall housed a wide array of teas and other beverages that sounded intriguing. Mai made a mental note to return at a time when she didn’t feel like death.

Ty Lee was not lying when she said the barista was hot. He was leaning forward on the counter next to the register, cradling his chin in his palm. His eyes were closed, perhaps dozing off. (Mai didn’t blame him one bit.) He had long black hair, but it was not in a ponytail as Ty Lee said it would be. His muscular physique was apparent, even under his t-shirt and apron. Mai was surprised that Ty Lee hadn’t mentioned the nasty scar around his left eye, but she assumed her friend wanted to be polite.

“Excuse me,” Ty Lee said, waking the barista. Mai noted that his eyes weren’t blue after all. He must be the wrong person. “My friend and I were hoping to order.”

He stood up, and glanced between the two of them. He immediately began blushing, and Mai couldn’t help but find it adorable. The poor guy probably had a hopeless crush on Ty Lee, like every other man on the planet, and he had just embarrassed himself by sleeping on the job. Mai hadn’t met Blue-Eyes yet, but so far she was rooting for Drowsy. 

“Umm… Sorry about that. W-what would you like?” he asked. He was looking squarely at Mai, as if Ty Lee didn’t exist. He must be trying to play it cool. Mai wanted to pull him aside and tell him that strategy was never going to work on her friend, but she knew it wasn’t her place.

Ty Lee piped up first, “I’ll take a large vanilla matcha milk tea with tapioca pearls.”

As Drowsy entered her order on the register, a second person appeared from the back.

“Hey! Our first customers of the day. How are you lovely ladies?” This must be Blue-Eyes for sure. He had the signature ponytail and radiant brown skin. Mai couldn’t deny he was attractive. The “lovely ladies” line annoyed her though. 

Ty Lee giggled and batted her eyelashes at him. “My morning is always good when I start my day here.”

Blue-Eyes laughed. “I know Zuko’s customer service isn’t that good. He was sleeping like two seconds ago.”

“I wasn’t!” Zuko demanded, but his vociferous protest did not help his case. He seemed to be fidgeting in his seat.

Blue-Eyes nudged him with his elbow. “Have you even taken their orders yet?”

Zuko nudged him back, harder. “I was before you interrupted!”

Mai took that as her cue. “I’ll have a medium hot dirty chai latte. Her treat.” She pointed at Ty Lee, who smiled brightly.

“I’m a very magnanimous friend.” She pulled out her credit card and passed it to Zuko who cashed them out. 

Blue-Eyes ignored her and focused on Mai. “I never would’ve guessed you were a chai type of girl. You seem like a black coffee person.” Ty Lee pouted.

Mai shrugged, “I don’t want to have to suffer to be caffeinated. Life has enough pain.”

Blue-Eyes laughed. “I feel you. This one time–”

Zuko tapped him on the shoulder. “Sokka, can you help me make the drinks?”

Sokka. So he did have a name. Why did it sound so familiar? And Drowsy– no, Zuko– seemed to be annoyed with him. But maybe that was just how Zuko was. As a fellow grump, Mai appreciated it. 

Mai and Ty Lee found a table while the two men moved around behind the counter getting their drinks and whispering to each other. Mai could only catch snippets but she was pretty sure they were arguing about who should bring their drinks over. 

Ty Lee leaned forward and spoke quietly. “Ugh! I think he’s into you, Mai.”

Mai raised an eyebrow. “Don’t be ridiculous. When in the history of our friendship has that happened? They’re fighting to deliver your tea right now.”

“Hmph!” Ty Lee pulled out a textbook and resolutely ignored her friend. 

Real mature, Mai thought as she pulled out her laptop. She never got annoyed when guys were into Ty Lee. Even hot guys like Zuko. That was like girl code 101.

She pulled up her essay prompt and bit her lip. Justice Own Roberts wrote: “The judicial branch of the Government has only one duty – to lay the article of the Constitution which is invoked beside the statute which is challenged and to decide whether the latter squares with the former.” Does his estimation allow for the justices to exercise their ethical codes? Should the personal ethics of these appointed officials–

“Umm… here’s your tea.” Mai looked up to see Zuko standing over them. Ty Lee had already received her tea, and it seemed to slightly improve her mood.

“Thank you.” Mai accepted her chai and took a deep breath to catch the scent. It smelled nice and strong, just how she liked it. Zuko was still standing over their table, and it seemed he was about to say something more when the door opened.

“Sokka! Tell Toph she can’t drop out of college and become an underground MMA fighter.” Mai recognized the girl, Katara, from a few of her classes. She was followed by Toph, who Mai also knew, and bald guy that Mai had seen around campus.

“No! Tell Sugar Queen here that a college degree is overrated in our fucked economy.”

Mai laughed despite herself, and everyone stopped to look at her.

“Oh, hi Mai!” Katara made her way to stand behind Mai’s chair. “Are you working on Judicial Politics? That essay is killing me.”

Mai nodded. “There is no fathoming the depths of my hatred for that class.”

Sokka made his way from behind the counter. “So do I need to settle the underground fighter dispute or…”

The bald guy shook his head vigorously. “Let’s just hope they forget about it.”

Toph crossed her arms. “We can all hear you. I’m blind, not deaf.”

“Oh!” Something clicked in Mai’s head. “Sokka is your brother, isn’t he? And Suki’s boyfriend.” She shot a meaningful look at Ty Lee.

“That’s right. Are you coming to practice with us later? You can bring your friend,” Katara said. Suki led women’s self-defense courses that Mai, Katara, and Toph all attended. She called her troop the Kyoshi Warriors. Mai thought the name was a bit much, but she enjoyed it all the same.

Mai realized she was in the unique position of knowing more people in a group than her roomate. “This is my best friend, Ty Lee. What do you say? Wanna tag along to Warrior practice later?”

“No, thank you though. I have gymnastics at the same time, remember?”

That was a lie, but Mai nodded along. She had told Ty Lee about Suki in the past, and it seemed that Ty Lee was not in the mood to meet her.

“Well, now that the troops are assembled, I assume you’re all having your usual orders?” Sokka asked. There was a chorus of assent from the newcomers. Sokka grabbed Zuko by the arm to drag him back to work.

“Wait– I haven’t–” Zuko resisted and everyone stopped to look at him. He locked eyes with Mai. “Nevermind.” He allowed himself to be led away. 

“Oh, I get it.” Toph laughed to herself. She must have uncovered his crush on Ty Lee. Despite her lack of eyesight, the woman was alarmingly perceptive.

“Get what?” Katara asked, irritation creeping into her voice. “Secrets don’t make friends.” The two began squabbling and the bald guy extricated himself.

“Hi! I’m Aang. Katara’s boyfriend.” 

“Hi.” Mai replied. She wasn’t sure what to say next. 

“You’re majoring in philosophy and poli sci, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. What about you?”

“I’m a philosophy major too, but I don’t think we’ve had any classes together.”

“No,” Mai replied.

Katara, seemingly finished with Toph, reappeared. “How are you feeling about Professor Jeong Jeong’s Philosophy of Law midterm?”

Mai sighed. “I’m feeling like Toph has the right idea. After that exam, I might have to find a new career plan.”

Katara nodded sympathetically. “We should study together! You can come over to my place sometime.”

“That would be great! Does Wednesday afternoon work?” There were very few people in her classes that Mai would agree to study with, but Katara was an exception. She was brilliant and always kind. Not to mention, Mai was warming up to her little group of friends.

“That’s perfect! I’ll text you with the details later.” 

Ty Lee perked up. “Mind if I join you guys? I’m not in your class, but I’m more productive when I’m surrounded by others. It focuses my energy.” Mai struggled not to roll her eyes at Ty Lee’s bullshit.

“That’s fine by me! It was nice to meet you!” Katara and Aang left to pick up their drinks.

Ty Lee snapped her book shut, mood buoyed again. “Are you ready to head out?”

Mai stared at her blank Google doc and sighed. It wasn’t a productive morning, but it wasn’t awful to socialize for a change. “Yeah okay.” They gathered their stuff, and Ty Lee tossed her cup in the garbage. Mai had no idea how she chugged it so fast.

As they reached the door, Zuko called out, “Thanks for stopping by!” His hand was raised in an adorably awkward wave. Mai kicked herself. He wasn’t into her. Her mom had made it abundantly clear that guys didn’t like gloomy girls. 

Still, Ty Lee wasn’t giving him the time of day. Mai returned his wave and gave him a small smile before chasing her friend out of the tea shop. 

Ty Lee was already halfway down the block by the time she caught up.

“I think Zuko is way hotter than Sokka! You should go for him. He might be single.”

Ty Lee rolled her eyes. “Oh Mai! He couldn’t take his eyes off you that whole time. You should totally go for it, though.” Mai blushed. “Besides, you got us an invite to Sokka’s house, assuming he lives with his sister.”

“That was why you invited yourself to our study session?” Mai laughed. “What if Katara lives with Aang or has a roommate on campus?”

“Then I’ll say the energy is off and it’s affecting my aura and I’ll leave early,” Ty Lee explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“This is why I don’t believe in auras. You change the rules all the time.”

Ty Lee smirked, “Your aura was much pinker in there than normal. Did that have anything to do with a certain sleepy barista?”

“Oh shut up!” Mai trudged on ahead, hearing Ty Lee’s giggles behind her. 

— — 

As the pretty girl and her friend left, Zuko lowered his hand. Was waving cringy? The way he did it probably was. But the pretty girl had smiled! At him! He wanted that to happen again. The friend had stopped by many times before, but she’d never brought the pretty girl with her. Mai, Zuko remembered. 

His friends had congregated around their normal table in the back with their drinks. Zuko claimed a seat in between Katara and Toph.

“Sooooo, you guys know Mai from class and stuff?”

Katara chuckled, “That was not subtle at all. You like her?”

Toph punched his arm, “Looks like Sugar Queen finally caught on.”

Aang was beaming. “This is so exciting! Zuko’s never had a crush before!”

Zuko’s jaw dropped. “Yes I have! You all only met me two years ago. What are you talking about?”

Sokka cut him off, “Well this is the first time you’ve called dibs.”

Katara’s eyebrow twitched. “Eww! You two have a system for calling dibs on ogling your female customers!”

“Hey!” Sokka protested. “It works on all customers regardless of gender. And it’s a tried and true hand signal.” He made a series of complicated movements that Zuko had memorized only through seeing them many, many times before Sokka met Suki. 

Katara glared at her brother. “That’s still objectifying and degrading. Besides, you have a girlfriend!”

“And I love her! I haven’t ogled anyone since we started dating. Zuko was the one who called dibs anyway.”

Zuko sighed. “I thought you could help me out. But I think she was clearly just more into you than me.”

“Dude, what? She was definitely checking you out. What happened to our plan? You were going to take out their drinks and ask for her number.” Zuko appreciated that Sokka was trying to cheer him up, but there was no way Pretty Girl was looking at him for his attractiveness. His fingers itched to touch his scar. He formed a fist in his lap instead.

“Oh please. Do you remember the first thing she said to Katara?” He pitched his voice higher, “‘Oh this is your super hot brother? But he’s dating Suki? Life is full of suffering.’”

Toph kicked him under the table. “I don’t think that was why she asked about Sokka. I feel like I’ve heard that Ty Lee girl’s voice before. Isn’t she always here when Sokka is working?”

“Oh yeah!” Sokka sounded smug. “She was definitely flirting with me earlier. Maybe her friend was letting her know I’m off the market.” He flexed his muscles. While he was distracted by posing, Katara gagged exaggeratedly at Aang, who was trying desperately not to laugh. 

Zuko smiled. His friends always made things seem… slightly less horrible.

“I have an idea!” Katara said. “Why don’t you happen to be visiting Sokka or Aang during our study session? You took Philosophy of Law last year, right? You can offer to help us and talk to her some more.”

Zuko bit his lip. “I don’t know. Besides, I’m probably working on Wednesday.”

Katara shrugged. “That’s not an issue at all. I’ll text her and ask to change the location to here.”

Sokka nodded. “This is a good plan Katara, I’m impressed.” Katara rolled her eyes. “The shop is really quiet on weekday nights. You could probably still sit with them. Who’s working with you on Wednesday?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s just gonna be Uncle and me.”

“That’s perfect!” Aang said. “Your Uncle is going to be so on board.”

Zuko shuddered. “You are NOT going to tell my Uncle about this.”

Aang frowned. “But he’ll be super helpful. I bet he has great advice for love stuff.”

“That’s so embarrassing.”

The younger man pulled out his phone. “I’m gonna text him.”

“Don’t!” Zuko sprang out of his chair and tried to get around Katara to grab Aang. But Aang was quicker and dashed behind a Sokka. A very intense chase through the shop commenced, to the raucous laughter of their friends.

— — 

Ty Lee hummed happily while applying her mascara. “I hope Zuko and Sokka are both working tonight! Then they might ask us out. It would be so fun to be able to go on double dates with them. We could even have a double wedding!”

Mai sighed. “We spend enough time together already, don’t you think? Besides, Sokka is unavailable, so you need to get over it. And I still think Zuko likes you.”

“Not a chance! You’re so dense sometimes.” Ty Lee sprayed some perfume and Mai tapped her foot impatiently.

“Are you ready to–” Mai was cut off by a notification on Ty Lee’s phone. 

The other girl gasped. “OH MY GOD! The girl with pretty hair asked me to get dinner tonight! I’m freaking out! Do I look okay?” Ty Lee began frantically running around their tiny dorm room. 

“You look great,” Mai assured. “I guess this means you’re ditching me tonight?”

Ty Lee shrugged, “Duty calls. We’ll have to take a rain check on that double wedding scheme.”

“Bummer,” Mai deadpanned. “If that’s the case, then I’m leaving now. Have fun and stay safe!”

Ty Lee winked. “I always do.”

As Mai made the short journey to the tea shop, she couldn’t help but feel nervous at the prospect of meeting Zuko again. She hated herself for getting so worked up. She hardly knew the guy, so he shouldn't be affecting her like this. She certainly hadn't thought about Kei Lo this much before they started dating. And Zuko wasn’t into her. No way.

She caught sight of the familiar facade and pushed through the door, to the chime of the bells. The shop was almost completely deserted except for Katara sitting alone at a table near the back. Zuko and an older man were working behind the counter. There wasn’t a Sokka in sight, so it was probably for the best that Ty Lee found other means of entertaining herself. 

“Welcome in!” the old man smiled warmly. “Katara tells me you two have quite the night of studying ahead of you. Order whatever you want, on the house!”

“Oh!” Mai was taken aback by his generosity. “Are you sure?”

“Of course! I’m not so old that I’ve forgotten my school days. Besides, what's the point of owning a business if I can’t flaunt it a bit?”

Mai smiled. Before college, she hadn’t met very many generous people, and even fewer jovial ones. She decided to take a page from his book and be whimsical for a change. “In that case, I want your favorite thing on the menu. Since you’re the owner, you probably have good taste.”

The old man laughed. “I like to think so! But I would be devastated if you didn’t like it. How about I have my nephew whip something up for you instead?”

He gestured to Zuko, who Mai realized was staring at her very intently. Did she say something awful? Did he think she was weird? Oh! He was probably wondering where Ty Lee was. Maybe his uncle was only being so nice because he thought she was the girl Zuko liked.

She could feel her cheeks getting red. “That would be great… Um… Thanks again.” 

The spirit of whimsy whooshed out of her body and she retreated to Katara’s table.

The other girl already had her textbook, notes, printed study guide, and laptop in position. It did not make Mai feel better. 

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” she checked her watch, but luckily it was only five minutes after their scheduled time.

Katara smiled, “You’re not late at all! Sokka, Toph, and I came here after our lectures so I’ve been here all day. Midterms are killing me, but this is a good place to zone in and focus. You should totally come here more often.” Her eyes twinkled and Mai didn’t know what was happening. She would almost think Katara was flirting with her, but wasn’t she in a relationship with Aang?

Mai noticed Zuko, not too far from them working on her order. Mai spoke slightly louder than normal to ensure he heard, “Yeah, Ty Lee loves it here. But Ty Lee had something come up today, so Ty Lee won’t be here.” It was highly un-subtle and inelegant, but she wanted to be sure Zuko understood that Ty Lee wasn’t coming. She hated to think he would get his hopes up, anticipating her arrival.

“Oh yeah,” Katara said, “I forgot she was going to come with you.” Zuko must not have told Katara about his crush.

Mai pulled out her study materials, and Zuko approached their table. “I– I made this for you.” He gently set the cup amid the mess of books and paper. “It’s black tea with cardamom and a dash of milk. It’s my favorite for studying.” He gazed resolutely at the floor.

“Thank you,” Mai said. Zuko didn’t leave and Mai wondered if he wanted her to try it before him. Surely it was too hot.

But then Katara spoke up, “Oh my goodness!” Mai looked up, startled. Perhaps cardamom held a special significance to the other girl. “Zuko, I just remembered! You took philosophy of law last year, right?” 

“Yes. I did,” he replied robotically.

“Do you think you could help us study? You are really smart and get excellent grades.” Katara spoke like she was announcing the fact to a crowd.

“Yes and I love helping others!” Zuko offered. Mai was not sure how that was relevant, but she supposed he couldn’t hurt. Besides, it would be nice to see him up close.

“Uncle!” Zuko called out, “Do you mind if I sit with them for a little while? I can help out if we get more customers.”

The old man was already looking their way, a gleam in his eye. Mai heard the distinct undertone of humor in his voice: “Don’t worry about it! I can manage.”

Zuko turned his attention back to them and looked between both sides of the table. Katara moved her backpack off the floor and into the seat beside her. Zuko sat beside Mai, and Katara smiled from ear to ear.

“So, when I took this class, Jeong Jeong gave us a list of ten essay questions and then he chose two of those to write on the day of the exam. Is the format still the same?” 

Mai nodded. “I printed out an extra study guide for Ty Lee in case she got bored.” She handed it over, and Zuko’s fingers grazed hers as he took it.

He glanced over the prompts. “My strategy for exams like this is to target the readings and lectures that apply to most questions. That way, I know there’s at least one source I can reference. 

Mai nodded. “I think we should start with Aquinas for natural law theory and Hart for legal positivism. That will give us a good overview of the main debate in the course. 

Katara tapped her fingers on the table, “Do you think he’ll take points off if we disagree with him? He’s a big advocate for natural law, right?”

“Definitely,” Mai agreed. “He never shuts up about it.” Zuko chuckled and Mai felt warmth blossom in her chest.

“I don’t think he’ll take points off if you explain your case, though,” Zuko replied.

“Okay then,” Katara began flipping through her textbook. “Let’s start with Aquinas.”

— — 

“Yes, but you have to keep in mind that the judges don’t have a standardized moral code. What if the Supreme Court accepts a case reviewing–” Zuko’s train of thought halted as Mai shifted in his direction. They were almost touching. He could shift and their arms would be pressed together. “I’m sorry, what was I saying?”

Mai gave him a sympathetic look. “Don’t worry about it. It’s almost closing time for the shop and we’ve been at this for ages. Maybe we should call it quits?”

“No!” he said before he could stop himself. It was true that they’d been studying for almost two and half hours at that point, but he didn’t want it to end. Zuko had studied his old notes all week in preparation for this. (It was more than he’d studied when he’d taken the class the first time around.) But he really wanted to be helpful and impress Mai. 

Over his short time knowing her, his crush had only grown. She was beautiful, obviously, but her sharp wit and humor made talking to her very entertaining. Even when the topic was Philosophy of Law. Beyond that, she was incredibly smart and she grasped the concepts very quickly. It was apparent that she didn’t need his help, but he liked watching her in her element. Crap, was that creepy?

Katara rubbed her forehead. Zuko knew she was really stressed over midterms, but she still rehearsed their little speech about asking for his help studying at least half a dozen times before Mai’s arrival. In true wingwoman fashion, Katara backed him up yet again: “I know it’s getting late, but what if we talk through this last prompt really quickly. We’re almost all the way through the study guide.”

Mai agreed, but just then the bells on the door jingled. Zuko looked over to see that it was Aang. He came to stand behind Katara and rubbed her shoulders. “How’s it going?”

Katara leaned into his touch. “It’s awful. I’m going to fail. Why am I minoring in Justice in Society anyway? I don’t need it for med school.” 

Aang smiled down at her. “Do you remember the last exam you thought you were going to fail? You got, what? Ninety-five percent?”

Katara crossed her arms. “It was ninety-two.”

“I’m sorry.” Aang kissed the top of her head and she visibly relaxed a little.

Zuko smiled wistfully. He had never had a long term relationship, but maybe… He glanced sideways at Mai, who was still scanning the study guide.

“Hey Zuko!” Aang got his attention once more. “Do you think you could unlock the upstairs for me? I think I left my Tsungi horn in your room.”

Zuko narrowed his eyes. Aang was terrible at the Tsungi horn. He didn’t own one as far as Zuko knew. “Sure. I’ll help you look.”

They went into the back room and Aang stopped them before they could go any farther. “So how’s the mission going? Katara texted me that she thinks Mai likes you for sure.”

Zuko’s cheeks flamed. “I don’t know about all that. I still think she might have been into Sokka. She was talking to Uncle– Oh! Also, she really got along with Uncle Iroh.” He knew he was probably smiling like a fool, but Aang was in no place to judge.

“Zuko, everyone gets along with your uncle. It would be really concerning to me if she didn’t,” Aang pointed out.

“Fair enough,” he sighed. “But it’s still important to me. Anyway, she was talking to him and he mentioned me. When she first saw me it was like the wind left her sails or something.”

Aang shook his head. “I’m sure you’re misinterpreting things. And that was just at first, right? How have things been going otherwise?”

Zuko bit his lip. “I actually think they’re going pretty well. I mean, we’re getting along well enough but it’s hard to tell. We’re studying and Katara’s there, so I don’t know if she likes me all that much.”

Aang snapped his fingers. “I have an idea! Let’s go!” The younger man grabbed Zuko’s wrist and led him back out into the shop before he could protest.

Mai examined them. “No luck finding it?”

“Nope,” Aang smiled nervously. “Not a trumpet in sight?”

Mai’s brow furrowed. “I thought you were looking for a Tsungi horn?”

“None of those either,” Aang laughed in a stilted manner. “Anyway, I had an idea. Since this exam is so awful, what if we all went out to dinner to celebrate when it’s over? You and Katara can relax, and it'll be my treat! And Zuko can come since he helped out.”

Mai hesitated, and Zuko wished the floor would swallow him. Aang came on way too strong. He was going to scare her off and she would never come back.

Katara spoke up. “That’s a great idea! We deserve it, don’t you think?”

Mai relented. “Okay… but I can pay for myself. You’re all too kind. Seriously.” Zuko almost crumpled to the ground in relief. 

Mai left shortly after, and the shop closed for the evening. But the end of day chores didn’t feel so mundane, with the knowledge that he would be seeing Mai again so soon. 

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

.

[simptasia]

i’m no stranger to media i love being made by awful people (star trek and doctor who have a long history of this...) but still. i’m in shock

[emometalhead]

are you doing okay emotionally?

No ♡

[lightningfilledsaber]

missing my close friendships and how I used to have the energy to maintain them while also reminding myself that part of the reason I don’t have that energy anymore/right now is because that very energy was actively exploited by my “best friend” of Several Years for their own benefit

:pensive:

[junepegbert]

was gonna make a vent post but then i realized it could be a sasha post instead. she'll be insane for me

[tvrningout-archived]

i’m sorry y’all, but i’m gonna put messages off until tonight or tomorrow bc my brain feels so full of cotton rn ;; i’m gonna take it easy and work on my connections page and maybe drafts if i can. thank you all for being patient with me <3

[chamaleonsoul]

.

[strawhbrrries]

Movement

pairing: mike schmidt x afab!reader

summary: a double date that leads to mike schmidt coming home with you in the name of "helping your friend" and he ends up fucking you.

warnings: unprotected sex, no foreplay, creampie??, female pronouns, slight degrading??, pet names, heavy cussing, mike being hashtag v hot, no established relationship, porn with no plot, not proofread

word count: 2.1k words

author’s note: listen to movement by hozier for the full experience!!! I know this fic wasn't voted to be the first mike one to be posted but I had to do it okay!!!! he's so hot n sexy in this and i need him badly...please enjoy! mwah!

Your eyes scanned the restaurant in front of your car, you were promised a very nice dinner with a very nice man and the place you ended up might as well have been a denny’s. Gia somehow managed to rope you into a double date and as the amazing friend you are, you obliged. Now, you wanted to take it back. If the guy you were set up with wasn’t just an absolute heartthrob you might consider strangling her in the bathroom.

“Gia, this better be the best damn food and the hottest men you have ever experienced or I’m never doing you another favor ever again.” You teased, getting out of your car as she walked up to it.

“I swear he said this place was nicer! Thank you so much babes, I owe you one!” She responded, slipping her arm inside of yours to walk inside. “Maybe the inside is really nice and it’s just a shady exterior.”

You’d never seen the man Gia was seeing tonight so when the two of you arrived at the table you weren’t sure which man was yours, but you knew which one you wanted. He looked gentle, shaggy hair untamed almost like he wasn’t prepared to go on a date tonight. 

“I suppose I’m your date.” He smiled softly, getting up to pull your chair out for you. “I’m MIke, you look uh, really beautiful tonight.”

After the introductions and small talk the two of you hit it off right away, it helped that Gia and her date were more interested in each other than remembering that the people they brought also existed.  The more you talked the more Mike came out of his shell, he wasn’t as shy as you first pegged him to be. Your heel was slowly caressing his calf, neither of you were quite sure when it had ended up there but he wasn’t complaining.

“A man in uniform is hot.” Your flirting was a little rusty, but it seemed to be working just fine for you.

“It’s just a security gig.” He shrugged it off, maintaining eye contact with you the whole time. 

You grabbed the straw of your drink, wrapped your tongue around it, and took a sip. Mike choked slightly but covered it up with a cough, adjusting his pants under the table at the same time. 

“She’s not going to go home with him unless I go home with you.” You whispered in his ear as you leaned over the table, tangling your fingers in his hair to trick Gia into thinking you were whispering something dirty. “I’d really like to go home with you.”

You could feel the heat creep up his neck, his face was flushed. His heart might as well be on the outside of his chest with the intensity that it was beating, it’d been a long time since he’d been on a date or even gotten laid but Abby was at home and that just wouldn’t work.

“Uhm, my sister’s at home, can we go to your place?” Mike’s saliva was thick and pooling in his mouth, it felt almost impossible to swallow. He had to be dreaming, this just didn’t make sense otherwise. He was just doing his friend a favor and now your breath was hot on his neck and his jeans were uncomfortably tight.

The second the two of you walked outside he got fidgety, like he was going to take off the second you let go of his hand. Frankly he was surprised you hadn’t let go of it the second you picked it up, he was dripping sweat from the moment he realized you were his date. He quickly made a mental note to send a letter to the company who made his preferred deodorant, the fact that he didn’t smell absolutely putrid spoke volumes on their product.

“So did you mean what you said inside? Because I’m perfectly okay with just going home.” 

“I meant it, don’t be so nervous.” You smiled back at him, handing him the keys to your car.

The tension was thick, his knuckles were white as he tried to keep his focus on the road ahead and making it back to your place safely and not the fingers drawing figures on his thigh as you spoke about something he couldn’t quite grasp. 

Your place wasn’t too far from the restaurant that Gia’s date had picked, that Mike was thankful for. The longer he had to endure the torture that was your fingers on this thighs, the less his ability to be a gentleman and control himself existed. If it was up to him, he’d probably just pulled over and fucked you in the backseat of your own car but it wasn’t. He was a gentleman, he’d just met you all of a few hours ago, he knew better.

“This is the place.” You smiled softly as he pulled into your driveway.

“It’s nice.” He stated, handing your car keys back to you and taking your hand. “Suits you.”

Mike’s eyes wandered the walls, taking in every aspect of you, as you led him through the house. It didn’t take him long to notice that you lived alone, another thing he was now thankful for. His fingers trailed the zipper of your dress as he stood behind you in your bedroom, his other hand rubbing your arm and leaving goosebumps in its wake. 

“Are you going to take it off?” Your voice was shaky and quiet, for the first time tonight you were nervous. 

“And you thought I was the eager one.” He chuckled, tugging your hair back softly to give him just enough access to your face to make eye contact with you. “Do you get off on bringing strangers to your home and having them fuck you?”

A soft whimper escaped your lips, blessing the ears of the man behind you who responded with a groan. His lips made contact with your neck, biting and sucking at any of the skin he had access to. The hand that was holding your hair back made itself busy drawing the zipper of your dress further and further down until it couldn’t go any further, you shivered as the cold air hit your back. 

Mike detached himself from your neck and took a step back, briefly admiring how disheveled you looked despite still being fully dressed, he made a quick motion for you to turn around and you obliged almost immediately. If you got his dick any harder it might’ve fallen off before he ever got the chance to use it. 

He backed you into the bed, laying you down and sliding your dress off and into a pile on the floor. Another deep groan was emitted into the air as he took in the sight in front of him, you hadn’t worn a bra and the underwear you’d chosen left nothing to the imagination. Mike immediately started thanking whatever god was above for you and the experience he was about to have. 

Your heart was pounding out of your chest. Truthfully, you hadn’t planned on sleeping with anyone tonight but then you saw him and your entire plan was flipped upside down. You lied about your friend not going home with her date if you didn’t leave with him, you didn’t want him to think you were desperate but he knew now. The second he touched the zipper of your dress, anything left of your facade was gone. You needed him.

“If you weren’t so fucking wet I would’ve thought you were only doing me a favor.” He spoke nonchalantly, rubbing his finger over your folds through your underwear. “ Or maybe you’re just a whore? Huh?”

“For you.” You choked out, words getting caught in your throat over his words. 

At the beginning of the night you would’ve placed money on the fact that he wasn’t capable of things like this, it was like another side of him had come out during the drive to your house. You weren’t complaining, his words were getting to you in a way you’d never experienced. 

“Yeah? For me? Mikey’s own personal whore.” He slipped your underwear to the side and slid his finger through your folds, collecting your juices and bringing them to his mouth. “You’re as sweet as you look, need a honey jar full of you.”

You cried out at him softly, trying to use anything you had to stop his teasing. He was winding you up but edging you right before you could pop, he could’ve said anything and you would’ve agreed just to get him to fuck you. Being this desperate for a man you hardly knew was an exhilarating experience. 

“Please, I need you.” You whined, grabbing at his shirt in a desperate plea. “Please.”

“Good job using your words, pretty girl.” Mike praised, hooking his fingers in the waistband of your underwear and pulling them down, throwing them in the same pile as your dress.

His clothes soon joined yours on the floor, a small pout emerging when you realized you wouldn’t be able to suck him off, his eyes catching yours as he climbed up your body. He kissed his way up, biting occasionally. Fingers tracing your skin just as you had done to him earlier in the night, lighting a fire on your skin as they went. It was like his body was made to fit yours, like your souls had searched for each other through every lifetime and yet this was the first time they had met.

His lips finally met yours for the first time, teeth nipping at your bottom lip as he pulled away to breathily whisper something in your ear. You shook your head in agreement at whatever he said, as long as he kept touching you like that and making noises in your ear you’d agree to anything he said to you. 

Shaking your head yes was the best decision you’d made so far, you felt two fingers slip inside of you. Thrusting for a few moments before they were replaced by the tip of his cock, slowly pushing in as his mouth found one of your nipples. The gentle man you had once perceived had been replaced by a god who was hung like a horse, splitting you in half with the cock fit for a god.

“Fuck.” Mike moaned, tipping his head back when he bottomed out, taking your legs and placing them on his shoulders. “So good, pretty girl.”

Anything you had planned on responding with quickly dissipated the second he pulled out and thrusted back in, a low groan coming out insead. His fingers were digging into your thighs as he held them up where he wanted them, all you could hope for was the imprints bruising as a reminder that this actually happened. What hair that wasn’t sticking to his skin from the sweat covering it was dangling backwards freely, all his focus was on not cumming too soon and if he continued to look at you he definitely would.

Your eyes had glossed over a long time ago, tears streaming down the sides as a byproduct of the blissful state his cock had put you in, fingers gripping desperately at the sheets and your tits bouncing with each thrust. He was once again praying to every god that he would get to do this another time, then he could sear the image of you under him into his mind.

“Mike, Mikey I need..” You whined, the knot in your stomach twisting and turning, threatening to spill before you could even finish a coherent thought.

“C’mon pretty girl, you can do it, let it go.” He praised you, bringing his thumb down to your clit and drawing figure eights in time with his thrusts to help your orgasm spill over.

His words were the final piece in the puzzle, your orgasm hitting you soon after he spoke. Legs shaking, mind blowing, tears, and silent moans was all your body could do at the supernova your orgasm had proved to be. You’d never cum this hard before but if every orgasm after didn’t measure up, he had ruined you. 

“You did so good.” Was all you heard as you came down from your high, Mike’s hands soothed down your hair as he whispered into your ear. 

His thrusts continued at the same pace for only a few seconds before his hips stuttered and he painted your insides white. 

“I guess tonight wasn’t a total waste.” You joked quietly, turning to the side to smile at him as he laid down next to you. 

“We need to do this more often.”

[inkskinned]

so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.