#and now i'm going to post this before i second guess myself anymore

[therapycat21]

All Right Now Part 2

Travis Kelce x Famous!Reader Description:The reader catches the eye of famous footballer Travis.

Warnings: None Social Media AU

It’s been a week since the incident at Arrowhead and Travis is still actively liking my posts but has not reached out yet. I'm taken from my thoughts by an incoming call from my manager Stacy.

“Hey y/n” she smiles brightly into the screen at me “hey, whats going on?” I ask her “they just had a major cancellation for the arrowhead stadium and need someone who can quickly put something together, they reached out so I thought I would check with you to see if you are comfortable doing this last minute?” I haven't done a concert in a while so why not I thought “yeah I can figure something out, when is it?” I ask her smiling.

“It’s gonna be this Saturday” she let’s me know before we talked a bit more before hanging up. I then open Instagram to start making a post to announce it to the fans.

Not even a second after posting it went viral and started to trend on twitter. I then get a notification

Killatrav added your post to their story!

I clicked on the notification to see he did indeed add my post to his story with the caption. "Tickets have been bought ;)" I blush before liking the story and decided to look through his account, it only consists of ads, and funny clips from a podcast he has with Jason, and pictures of him dressed really nice. I decided to like his recent posts and click my phone off before I do anymore damage. I guess I'm performing at the stadium now. I smile before I rush off into contacting everyone for the concert.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday Morning

The day is finally here, I've been up since 5 am getting myself together to head over to the stadium for the show tonight, trying to remember the setlist and dance moves. Stacy knocks on the room door in the stadium "everything is all set, you ready?" she questions knowing I can get really bad nerves before a show. I smile, it reaching my eyes for the first time in a long time "surprisingly I am"

I laugh “okay good, I’m gonna go and head to my seat, you’re gonna do amazing” she tells me before reaching to open the door. Before she leaves she quickly lets me know “oh by the way, kylie, Jason, and Travis are here in the V.I.P box.” she smirks at me before finally closing the door. My face formed into shock knowing they actually came, especially Travis, I take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves

“You’re gonna do amazing”

“You always kill it”

“You've worked hard to get here”

I keep telling myself the three before I’m interrupted by the door opening and them letting me know it is time for me to start heading to the stage.

I quickly start to head over to the stage and see all of the dancers starting to get into position, I can hear the crowd starting to scream from the lights starting to move, I’m then handed my microphone and decide to talk to them before they can see me

“let’s talk some nonsense yall”

I hear the crowd scream even louder before I’m finally revealed. I smile brightly “hello my loves” I laugh before the intro to my son nonsense comes on. Every time I sing this song I always make up a new outro depending on the state I’m in. We’re now near the end of the song, and they turn the music down slightly so we can hear the fans better

“How quickly can you take your clothes off pop quiz” I smirk slightly before turning to where I see Travis staring at me smirking “raise your hand if you’re a little tipsy, sex with me is like joining the swim team, Travis is my favorite Kansas City” I blush profusely from him breaking out into laughter and seeing the blush rise on his face. The crowd screams even louder now knowing he’s there.

I see the crowd now facing up where the Kelce family is and taking pictures and videos. I laugh loudly into the mic before transitioning into the next song.

I can feel his eyes on me the entire show and for some reason my confidence was skyrocketing tonight and I didn’t hide that I was looking back at him with the best sultry look I could muster up. The show is now ending and the stage goes black before soft pink hues go through the stadium and the back screen lighting up with my new album announcement.

I hear the crowd scream even louder before saying my goodbyes and running off stage.

I reach the back where Stacy and Brittany are and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my adrenaline "you were absolutely amazing, oh my god you killed it" Brittany says running up and pulling me into a hug. I hug her back before I'm pulled into another hug by Stacy "You did so good girl!" I thank them both before we're interrupted by security.

"Miss y/n? there is a Kylie Kelce here wanting to see you, she says she's your friend?" I smile brightly at the security guard Jared "oh yes please bring her and the family back please." Jared gives me a brief nod before walking away to allow them in.

"you know that means Travis is gonna come back too right?" I can hear the smirk on Brit's face, I give her a look "yes I know, but for some reason tonight I am feeling good and confident, that has not happened in a long time especially towards a man." I reply with a teasing smile.

We’re interrupted by the door opening and Kylie slightly jogging to me with both girls with her.

When she gets close by we pull each other into a hug with the two girls trying to hug my waist. I let her go then bending down to pull both girls into a hug “hello my pretty mama’s ” I kiss both of their heads before letting go and standing straight to also greet Jason “you were absolutely amazing mama” Jason tells me pulling me into a deep hug, he is literally a bear. He lets me go, walking around to sit with kylie and the kids. 

I’m then faced with a smirking Travis “I liked the shout-out” he tells me, I smile bright but with a giant blush rushing through my face “I thought you would” I smirk back at him.

He looks over at the others before moving slightly into more of my space, me having to look up pretty far to see his face “if you want I can show you how much of your favorite I can be” he almost whispers to me with him leaning slightly down with a giant smirk. If I thought I was blushing a lot before it is even worse now. I try to calm myself before replying “I bet you could” I try to whisper back, looking up at him smirking.

“So tomorrow night at 6:30?” he asks smiling “pick you up?”

I look back slightly at Brittany, her giving me a giant teasing smile and a thumbs up, I turn back 

“Definitely” I smile bright.

Like my writing? buy me a coffee! I would be so grateful!

[amhrosina]

Afterglow (Matt Murdock x Reader)

Masterlist // Join My Taglist

a/n: another taylor swift song fic lmfao i just cannot help myself, this one is so angsty i almost felt bad for Matt just writing it (someone pls give that man a hug, he NEEDS one) also i feel so bad about not posting that i didnt even send this one to my beta reader i just posted it and hoped for the best lmfao

Summary: Matt and Reader have an argument that feels like it might be relationship-ending after Matt's hectic lifestyle as Daredevil catches up with him.

warnings: ANGST BRO SO MUCH ANGST, matty really just deserves the world, angry matt at the beginning, soft matt and foggy convo, matt doesn't know how to accept love, super soft matt at the end, some religious imagery i guess, happy ending

-

I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue

Put you in jail for something you didn’t do

I pinned your hands behind your back, oh

Thought I had reason to attack, but no

Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves

Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there’s no us

Why'd I have to break what I love so much?

It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say

The door slammed behind Matt in a fitful rage, and he was so pissed off, so intense in his anger that he wanted to turn around and slam it again, just to lash out a second time. It was so unlike him to be this way, so unlike him to allow the festering wound that was his soul show itself so plainly, but it had been a long night, long year, long life and he was fucking tired.

And you. You. You. You. You’d been caught in the crossfire. 

“Fuck.” Matt breathed, already regretting the argument that he’d started simply because he hadn’t been able to reel the Devil back in after a long night. The tight leash he held on the part of him that he hated, the part of him that you’d never seen because he’d hidden it so deep inside himself every night, was a ghost in his hands. The line between Matthew the person and Daredevil the vigilante had been blurring for months, but tonight was the first time he’d let it slip through the careful facade he’d been constructing around himself. He was a shattered window, ready to break at the slightest bit of pressure. 

The cold sliced into Matt’s skin as he stepped through the doorway at the front of his building, a sobering chill of wind that triggered the memory of your eyes welling with tears. He’d been relentless in his anger, and what for? Because he had a bad night? Because he couldn’t save everyone, and somehow that was your fault? 

Asshole is the word you’re looking for, Matthew.

Matt groaned and pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialing Foggy’s number before he could talk himself out of it.

“It’s three in the morning, Matt.” Foggy said by way of greeting, voice still heavy with sleep. “You’re not somewhere dying are you?”

“Only metaphorically.” Matt replied, shuffling his feet. He lowered himself to sit on the stairs beneath him, huffing as his body settled against the concrete. The metal of the railing dug into his temple as he rested his head against it, an uncomfortable reminder that the only person to blame for this was himself.

“You okay?” Foggy’s tone had shifted from a sleepy annoyance to somewhat concerned. 

Matt closed his eyes. He didn’t deserve the love he received from his friends.

“I’m-” He started, but cut himself off when he realized he had no idea what he was going to say. Was he okay? No, he didn’t think so. 

“You’re kinda freaking me out here, man.”

“I fucked up, Foggy.” He deflated as he admitted it.

“With her?” Foggy pressed.

“With her. With everything.” Matt shrugged, blinking away the tears burning the back of his eyes. Your sudden return to his thoughts felt like whiplash, and he couldn’t catch his breath. “She deserves better than me.”

“Matt,” Foggy chided, and Matt could tell he was shaking his head, “Don’t say that. She loves you.” 

“Maybe not anymore.” Matt knew how ridiculous and juvenile he sounded, but the Matthew-Murdock-party-of-one pity party was in full effect, and he was leaning into the sad corner of his being so aggressively he couldn’t stop himself from saying it.

“She loves you.” Foggy repeated. “I don’t think anything could change that. What happened?”

“I had a bad night and yelled at her. It was stupid and I feel like an ass-”

“An asshole.” Foggy finished, and Matt couldn’t stop the chuckle that followed this observation. “Listen, did you tell her any of this?”

“Not yet.” The longer Matt sat, the more he hated himself for leaving. The words he had shouted echoed in his mind. “She should just leave. I’m never going to be able to give her what she deserves.”

“What about what you deserve, Matt?” Foggy asked, heated in the defense of his very best friend, “You deserve to be loved, too.”

Matt sat with Foggy’s statement for a second, letting the love wash over him for the briefest moment. Is this what it’s like for the kind of people who can easily accept the love of others? His body felt warm and fuzzy, an unfamiliar but comforting sensation that had him rubbing the heel of his hand across his chest.

“I should go apologize and hope to God she’ll take me back.” Matt sighed.

“She will, Matt.” Foggy assured him. “She will.”

Matt returned the phone to his pocket and turned, heading back into the place that held his entire aching heart.

It's so excruciating to see you low

Just wanna lift you up and not let you go

This ultraviolet morning light below

Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh

I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Went off like sirens, just crying

Why'd I have to break what I love so much?

It’s on your face, don't walk away, I need to say

Hey, it's all me, in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

But it's not what I meant

Sorry that I hurt you

When Matt reentered the apartment, it had only been twenty minutes since he’d stormed out, but it had felt like hours. You were in the same place that he’d left you - curled up in a sitting position on the sofa - except now your cheeks were coated with salty tears that permeated the air around you. Matt tasted them on his tongue the second he opened the door, a twinge of pain shooting through his chest as he realized just how bad the situation was. You were so deep in thought, cycling through the words Matt had spat at you, that you hadn’t noticed his arrival.

“Petal?” Matt called softly, alerting you to his presence in the room. You startled, turning to look in his direction. The silence before you responded was deafening and anxiety inducing, something Matt had never handled well. He wrung his hands together and took a step closer to you. Finally, you spoke.

“You came back.”

Not a question, but not really a statement either. A simple observation that left Matt stumbling over his words. 

“I uh…never really left. I was just downstairs.” He scratched the back of his neck. “On the steps out front. I didn’t go far.”

“I thought you weren’t coming back.”

Matt’s lip wobbled as he inhaled sharply and asked, “Do you want me to go?”

He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to that question. He listened to your answer anyway. He would listen to any words you had to offer, even if they were words that might kill him.

“You said some terrible things, Matt.” You sniffled, sighing heavily as another wave of tears coated your cheeks. “You said ‘If you can’t handle this, I don’t think we should be together anymore.’ And the funny thing is, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be handling.”

“Petal, I-” Matt began, shaking his head.

“No, Matt.” Your voice had suddenly become very firm and very loud, all at once. Matt flinched. “I’m not finished.” You adjusted your body, leaning your head back against the sofa before continuing. “I don’t know who you are anymore. My Matty would never keep things from me or disappear for days at a time or yell at me. The man I fell in love with is missing, and I don’t know what to do to get him back.”

The hold Matt had on his tears was obliterated as you admitted your feelings to him. Warm tears fell down his face, every droplet an admission of guilt. You were right, of course. Matt hadn’t felt like himself in months, and instead of trying to get a grip on himself, he had been leaning into the suit every night, forcing his mind to focus on other things. He always took on the brunt of the pain in any situation - he’d been doing this his entire life - but he had not realized how much of that pain was being transferred to you every time he forgot himself.

“Baby, I’m- I can’t even say how sorry I am.” Matt sank to his knees in front of you, pleading. “You’re right about everything, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t be good enough for you or come home to you after work like a normal boyfriend would and I’m sorry for the things I said. I never wanted to hurt you the way I did. I will never, ever, deserve your love.” He swallowed a sob as he admitted what he thought was the truest thing he’d ever said out loud. “Foggy told me I deserve love but I’ve thought and thought about it and I can’t imagine a world where your love will ever feel like anything but a gift to me.”

You sighed again, sniffling as you lifted your hand to cradle Matt’s wet cheek.

“I know I’m fucking it up. I’m sorry I can’t be more. This is all I have to offer, and I know it’s selfish to ask you to keep loving me but I can’t be without you. You’re all I have.”

“I don’t understand, Matty.” You shook your head, furrowing your brows.

“You’re the only thing that brings me home. And I don’t mean physically. You’re the only reason I can find my way back to myself. You remind me of the love the world is capable of. Not even Foggy can do that for me the way that you do. Can’t you see that you’re it for me? Without you, I am just a man walking hand in hand with the Devil. There is no point without you.”

“Matty.” You sighed, caressing his cheekbones as tears cascaded down his face. 

Matt wasn’t sure what he wanted you to say. That he did deserve love, or maybe that you weren’t going to leave him after tonight was over, or maybe anything besides ‘I don’t love you anymore’. 

“Don’t leave me.” He begged, barely above a whisper, so tired of the war raging in his mind. If there was anything he was capable of doing tonight, it was pleading with you for this. Beyond that, he was useless. “Don’t leave.”

“Will you lay with me?” You asked, and Matt nearly collapsed into your hold. It was not what he was expecting, but he would take it. The inevitable self-hatred and doubt about this moment echoed in the back of his mind, but he was ignoring it for once. All he wanted to do was lay with you, so that’s exactly what he did.

Tell me that you're still mine

Tell me that we'll be just fine

Even when I lose my mind

I need to say

Tell me that it's not my fault

Tell me that I'm all you want

Even when I break your heart

I need to say

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you (Ooh)

I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh)

I need to say, hey, it's all me, just don't go

Meet me in the afterglow

Matt was on the verge of tears again, lying next to you in the bed that you had shared with each other for so many nights. He was so afraid of losing this, losing you. He wasn’t entirely sure he would survive if you asked him to leave after this. He wasn’t entirely sure that mindset was healthy, either, but that didn’t stop him from contemplating it. He was here, and you were here, and if he was destined to live in this doubt forever, then at least he would die next to you.

Your tears had long dried up, but the ache deep inside you was palpable and overwhelming and he didn’t know what to do. The hand you had led him here with, the one that you still held, the only thing connecting your body to his was his safety blanket. This was what people called a safe space, he thought. For the first time in a long time, Matt began to silently pray.

He prayed for you, and he prayed for himself, and mostly, he prayed for love. He prayed that the night would last forever, so that he could lay next to you for the remainder of his life. He prayed for forgiveness, and begged for yours. He prayed for the strength it would take if you didn’t grant it to him. Because if you asked him to leave, he would. It would hurt and possibly - no, definitely - kill him, but he’d do it, because you deserved that, at least. The possibilities of the night were endless, and that was the scariest thing to Matt. Anything could happen.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked, lightly squeezing his hand.

“I’m praying.” He murmured, squeezing your hand back.

“About what?”

“About you.” 

“Oh, Matty.” 

The smile on your face, the steady thump of your elevated heart rate, felt like a win. Comfortable silence overtook the room, and you were so still for so long that anyone else might’ve thought you had fallen asleep, but Matt knew better. You were thinking, contemplating every word that had been shouted, pleaded, and begged tonight. All the while, Matt prepared himself for the worst.

“The sun’s coming up.” You murmured.

“Yeah?” It was all he could muster. Everything hurt, and he never wanted this moment to end.

“Yeah.” You swept your fingertips over his cheeks, following the path of the sun as it draped itself across both of your bodies. 

Matt swallowed, opened his mouth to ask the dreaded question, and then closed it and swallowed again. The gentle caress of your fingers felt like a brand in his skin. Finally, in a thick voice he asked for the second time in a matter of hours, “Do you want me to go?”

“Oh, Matty.” You whispered, tears welling in your eyes, and Matt’s heart sank into the ground below him. He thought he could do this, but he couldn’t. He was just supposed to leave what you had built with him? After everything, he was just supposed to count his losses and move on? No fucking way. His breathing had picked up, and he was so focused on his pounding heart that he almost missed the rest of your sentence. “I never wanted you to go. I just wanted you to understand how lonely I’ve been without you. I’m upset with you, but I’ll always love you, and I’ll never be the one asking you to leave.”

Matt stopped breathing for a moment, soaking in the warm relief as it crashed through him. He didn’t have to go, and you loved him. You loved him. You loved him.

“Are you sure?” He forced himself to ask, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.

You let out a small giggle and pressed your lips to his forehead before responding. “Of course I’m sure, Matty. But it has to change, okay? We can’t do this to each other again.”

Matt could hardly believe the words coming out of your mouth. He would do anything to keep you here, holding him, keeping him safe, loving him. Anything.

“I promise.” He murmured, grabbing at your face to pull it closer to his. “I love you.”

He pressed a million kisses into your face until you let out the melodic laugh that he felt he could get drunk on. He would do anything to hear that sound again, to be the one causing that sound. Anything.

-

Tag List:

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[goodluckclove]

I've been meaning to say something. (100 follower hot take)

Hey! Thanks for stopping by. I hope you've had a nice day. Why don't you rest with me for a while? I made some chocolate chip cookies - with shortening instead of butter, so they're very soft and very chocolatey. I made way too many and they aren't my wife's favorite, so I could use some help in eating them.

You're probably a writer, right? Or maybe you think about how you could be. Browse the tags here, or on other social media platforms. Maybe you used to write stories as a kid. I bet those were fun. Teachers might've thought they were impressive, or they dissected them line by line until the words didn't make sense in your head anymore. Either way, if you're here you're probably here for a reason.

(rant alert)

I dipped a toe in online writing communities on and off. My last attempt was forty-five minutes scrolling through the writing hashtag on Youtube Shorts (so TikTok, I guess? I don't know). I didn't like it. I really didn't. The thing that sticks out the strongest in my mind is one particular video where a woman claims that every story needs a second act plot twist.

Huh? Every story? All of them? Why? Since when? Who are you? What qualifications do you have to make a statement like that?

That's the common thread that makes a lot of writing spaces very uncomfortable for me. Successful writers are really only successful in their genre and for the given moment, so they don't have that much objective authority in the craft. And yet I see a lot of people deciding the things that you can't do in writing. Or the things you have to do, and how you have to do them. It was so much of Writeblr at first glance that I almost dipped out once again. I didn't, though, and I'm glad I didn't because now I get to watch some of the next great storytellers from across the world grow and examine and forge their way forward.

No one can teach you how to write. No, that's not true. Teachers teach literacy. Handwriting. Typing maybe - do schools still teach typing? Let me try saying it in a different way - no one, not one single person on this goddamned planet, has the right to tell you how to make a story.

I was supposed to get my MFA in creative writing before my first breakdown. My uncle stayed in the program I was meant to be in, and a few years after I dropped out he graduated. Recently I had the thought to look up his thesis novella, and as I searched I found myself regretting my decision to leave school. If I stayed and got to develop my writing in an actual class, with other writers and a knowledgeable professor, how much further along would I be than where I am right now?

It was bad. His novella was terrible. It was so bad I had a small existential crisis for, like, three days. He spent so much money on years and years of professional education and came out with a truly soulless story that read as if you prompted an AI to write the next Great American Novel. So if you think you need a writing degree to be a legitimate author, it could help connections-wise, but it ultimately won't be the thing that does the work for you.

Not all advice I see online on writing is bad. I find the people who are able to capture the "I" statements of therapy and phrase advice as things that have worked for them, or things that they personally enjoy, to be fine. Some writing advice can spark inspiration.

But if someone is the type of person to boil every story down to troupes and cliches, and then immediately say that every story that uses the trait they don't like is automatically bad for everyone? I'm dropping the kindness for a second - that's trash. That's a trash take and I see far too many writers use it as a reason to stop before they begin.

I don't like whump. I say my reasons in previous posts if you go back through my blog. But you will never hear me say that any story with whump in it is bad, because I don't know that. You might prove me wrong. I am an adult human being and I have the humility to admit that I can like something I didn't expect to. I genuinely enjoy the direction of The Human Centipede (only the first one) and if you cringed just now that probably means you haven't seen it.

There are so many types of books and movies and plays and comics out there. To enjoy a specific genre is fine, to ignore the existence of everything else is a really, really, really odd thing to do. Maybe someone will hate your story because they think everything should be Neil Gaiman, and therefore have no way to understand your epistolary high-Western. You are not the wrong end of that situation just for existing.

And at there is a definite threshold on how many writing tips you can gather before they stop being useful. If you find them interesting, that's one thing. That's fine. But if the culture of creativity online has made you feel like you need to educate yourself on every possible angle before you can write a story, you are actively harming yourself.

Imagine taking the level of structure you put on yourself in that way and putting it on children playing pretend in the backyard. Oh, Susie, don't you know that it's overdone for your Kitsune have dead parents? Xyler, shouldn't you ask someone else before you decide how Spiderman would react to this? It would make no sense and they do not need it. Kids will make a whole world out of nothing and it's the most fucked thing in my heart that at some point they get access to Reddit and dipshits start insisting that's wrong.

They aren't wrong and you aren't either. Your favorite creative influencer can't tell you your story, strangers on the internet can't tell you your story, your teachers and loved ones can't tell you your story. They can influence it, but they can't write it honestly the way you can.

You do that. That's the thing you do.

Man that makes me upset. I can't tell you how to make a story, either. If anyone sends me asks for writing advice the most I'll do is say what I've done before hopping into your DMs and starting a direct conversation. it's so personal to each individual artist, and I'd like to think that the people selling these classes and software and promoting these platforms haven't thought about that before. Otherwise it does feel manipulative. If you have a willingness to practice and imagine and really experiment with the possibilities, you are ready to write your story.

And if it doesn't work? Try again. That's what you do.

Stephen King has written roughly a thousand books and maybe five of them have decent endings. He is unimaginably successful.

I'm rambling now. I think I got that out of my system. I was really worried to say this out of fear of being too weird or somehow reverse-gatekeeping so hard that it circles back into also being a bad thing. I've just spoken to a lot of people who I still think of throughout my day, and I truly ache for them to get past the fear of creation. Because it's worth it. It's worth it and it's fun, even when it's messy and you're tired.

Let it Be just came on. Beatles. I haven't listened to The Beatles in a long time. Feels a little apropos.

I love you, reader. Reader, Writer, Colleague. Take care of yourself. Especially the little you, still sitting there in the backyard of your soul, bathing in the sun with their bare feet in the damp earth.

Consider joining them, maybe.

[msmarvelouswinchester]

If We Love Again

Summary: Whatever problems we had back then don’t exist anymore. It’s why we have this second chance, and we can’t throw it away. -Michelle Maddow

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N (Reader)

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Reader

WC: 1942

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending. Post-canon where DEAN IS ALIVE, kinda sappy, body-shaming (not by the boys), hugs and kisses

Square Filled: Your hands are tough, but they are where mine belong ( @taylorswiftbingo )

A/N: Alright. Alright. Hello you people! Jfc, how long has it been? A lot of things happened (personal matters and fandom problems too) so I took a break. Kind of gave up writing for a bit. Then two boys - Alex and Henry (RWRB fandom, I'm looking at you) got me back to writing! And of course I had to write for my baby, Dean Winchester!

And I've also lost my taglist. So sorry for not tagging anyone in this.

Completely unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.

“What’re you doing here?” The usual routine of the bunker had been thrown off-kilter when Y/N had appeared, looking…frazzled. Maybe a tad smile but her eyes shone with unshed tears. And she was drenched to the bones and panting like she had run a mile to get to the bunker. The man welcomed her inside, saying, “Come in first, you are fucking wet.”

The words slipped and the man’s eyes widened, expecting a snobbish remark from her about the word and its placement in the sentence but soon enough, he frowned because Y/N didn't comment on the…apparent opportunity of turning the entire conversation inappropriate. Like she always did. But today, she wordlessly accepted the man’s gratuitous welcome and headed inside the old establishment.

Once at the end of the stairs, she said, rather whispered, “Hey Dean. Can you do me a favour? I need a hug.” If Dean didn't know what heaven looked like, he would have guessed he had ascended to heaven at Y/N’s request.

Dean, who had sprinted down the steps, looked at her and nodded, opening his arms. Y/N stepped into the hug and wrapped her arms around his torso, hands finding the nape of his neck. Dean’s hands had also instantly found their shelter around her body. They stayed in the position for a while. Y/N inhaled deeply quite a few times. The unforgettable scent of cinnamon and gunpowder hitting her and she let the tears fall as she let her guard down for the first time that night and Dean’s hold around her tightened. The sobs that left her, wrecked his heart. Each wail was like a dagger to his chest. He hated seeing her sad. He rested his chin on the top of her head, the familiar smell of her shampoo gave him whiplash as the memories of…everything queued up inside his head. But he still didn't know what had prompted her to show up at her place. “Y/N, sweetheart, can you look at me? I need you to look at me,” Dean murmured, “please.”

His voice washed over her and the sobbing turned into sniffles. She sniffled against the now wet, snot-covered spot on Dean’s tshirt before her red-rimmed, puffy eyes found his worried green ones. “‘M sorry,” she whimpered.

“Hey, shh, what're you sorry for? For ruining my shirt? Oh, I'll just bribe Sammy to do the laundry,” Dean grinned but the worry never left his eyes.

“I just—Dean, I'm sorry for…s-showing up tonight unannounced…I shouldn't have…what was I even thinkin’? Dean, I’ll—uh…see myself out.” Y/N said, and fidgeted in Dean’s grip but he was reluctant to let go. Not when she had just shown up a few minutes ago and broke down in his arms.

Dean said, “Stop, Y/N. Stop. It's alright. That's what best friends are for.” Nope, not letting you go this time.

“But…” Did you forget the part where we dated and broke up and vowed to never see each other again because it would break our hearts even more?

“No buts,” Dean said, as if he could read the thoughts in her head, “Whatever happened…happened. You were my best friend and you still are. If you need me, in a heartbeat, I'll be there for you. Do you understand that?” He glanced up, Jack if this is your doin’ because I pretty much dreamed about second chances last night then thanks, buddy.

Y/N nodded.

“Now let's go sit down. I'm gonna go find Sam and let him know you're here. And then we can go and kick some asses.” Dean gently guided her to his room in the bunker and sat her down on his bed, asking if she needed anything to drink, water or beer or anything to eat, knowing all they had was pie and a greasy two-days old burger in the freezer. They really needed to stock up their fridge more now they have started to live normal lives.

Y/N, though just asked for water.

Dean winked and said he would be back in a minute. And he was, with Sam in tow who had scooped her up in a giant hug. Oh, she had missed them.

“Hi, Sam. You look…different.” Y/N giggled at Sam in his formal clothes instead of the layers of plaid she was used to seeing on him. She had heard that the Winchesters had retired from hunting but seeing them bask in their post-retirement glory was astonishing.

“Yeah, had a makeover sorta, got myself a job and everything—”

“And a girlfriend,” Dean wiggled his brows and his brother blushed furiously. In between the conversation, Dean had handed Y/N a glass of water and sat down beside her on the bed.

She sipped on the water and hummed thoughtfully, “Who would have thought? Our little Sammy, all grown up!”

And for the first since her alarmingly sudden visit to the bunker, Y/N smiled.

“Oh shut up. Enough about me. Dean said something to me about kicking someone's asses. Do we have to bring out our hunting gear?” Y/N’s eyes widened at the question.

“No! Jesus, no guns. And no violence.” She warned the Winchesters.

“Can’t promise on the violence part, sweetheart!” Dean smirked. “So what happened?”

“Honestly. I think I'm good. It was a moment of…sadness but I'm oka—”

Dean cut her off, saying, “Y/N you were wailing. That was not nothing. Come on, tell us, we swear we'll be good.”

Y/N hesitated and Sam decided to put her out of her misery, “Whatever Dean says, if you don't feel comfortable in telling us. Don't tell.”

“Oh…” Dean sighed, “Yeah, I…I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. You seriously don't have to tell us, if you're not up for it.”

“It's just not that,” she swallowed hard. It should be easy to tell them, right? They were her best friends. She took a deep breath and said, “The guy, I am…or rather was dating—” She felt Dean tense up beside her and Sam side-eyed his brother but she continued “-well, he was an asshole. A dickhead. A fucking son of a bitch.”

Sam chuckled. “That's quite a description.”

“Yeah. So I applied for this job in NYC and well…I got it—” her heart soared in her chest as she watched the brothers’ faces split into a huge grin “-but this moron of my ex-boyfriend decided to throw my insecurities to my face because he didn't want me to go to NYC.”

Now looking back, Y/N didn't know why she was sad. She was angry. No, she was pissed because how dare a pathetic little man order her around about whether or not she should work in New York. “He was worried that I wasn't too pretty for the NYC girls, that I was too soft to survive in a big city like New York—”

This time Dean chuckled. Because Y/N wasn't soft, she was a hunter. Born into a hunter family only to give it all up because she wanted a quieter life. But she knew how to fight, how to wield a gun. And she was pretty. Too pretty and even after four years of breaking up, Dean’s heart still skipped a beat when she called his name, looked at his face and he was still enamoured by her very existence.

“So I told him that I would leave his sorry ass,” Y/N’s lips trembled, “and he said it was going to be the best thing because I wasn't worth enough for him to fight for because I…I am ‘too much’ and I…I don't put an effort into being the woman a man wants, no…needs. And in that moment, I got so sad, I needed to see you. Because I missed you guys so much. I missed this where no one judged me or at least didn't use to until…well, I…yeah. So, this is how I showed up here.”

“You're always welcome here, Y/N. And I'm sorry, things haven't been…good for a few years but don't think for a second we will judge you or not let you back into our lives,” Dean’s hands had snaked back around her waist, pulling her closer while she continued, “Well, he was kinda right. Don't you think? I talk too much. Sometimes I go on a ramble. I don't watch my diet—”

“That son of a bitch body-shamed you?” Dean was seething.

“Yeah. And he said, I was too much of a work to stay with. I have always been told that I'm too much of a work but it still hurts—”

Dean said, “Well the guy is an idiot. You aren't too much of a work, sweetheart.”

Y/N, this ain't gonna work. You want me. I want you but you don't want this hunting life while THIS hunting is my life. This relationship is going to be so much of a work and with Cain on the loose, I don't think I can put that much effort in this. Y/N gave Dean a soft smile, “I don't want to bring up old memories but you also said that, pretty much four years back.”

Sam’s mouth fell open. “What the hell, Dean?”

“W-I? I was under the influence of the mark, Y/N and you knew it. I pushed away so many people. Letting you go was my biggest mistake. And I regret it because I still fucking love yo—” Dean’s mouth snapped shut.

And for the second time, Sam exclaimed, “What the hell, Dean?”

“Yo–love…what?” Y/N whispered.

Dean turned towards his brother, “Sammy.”

“Yeah.” Sam quickly stepped out of the room.

“Y/N. Letting you go was my biggest mistake and never calling you up was my biggest regret. I should have called because I still need you. And now I have this life. You know I start a new job next week? It's a construction but yeah. And it got me thinkin’ about you. Yeah. I was thinking how I fucked us over and never got to tell you the truth. I never got over us, you. I…I never wanted you to go—”

“I remember very clearly you throwing me out of the bunker and telling me never to contact you again. You know what, showing up tonight was my bigges—”

“Son of a bitch, I can't believe I'm fucking doin’ this,” Dean murmured.

“Wha–” The rest of the question turned into a squeak and Dean’s lips crashed into her. And then the thoughts crashed into him. Fuck.

Dean immediately jumped back from her. “I'm so sor—”

“If you dare to say sorry for this, I am telling Sammy to shoot you in your dick, asshole,” Y/N panted, “Fucking come, kiss me, you moron!”

“You sure? You just had a breakup and…”

Y/N looked at Dean, “I know. But Dean, I had kept loving you all along and maybe by some, heaven’s grace—”

“Jack’s grace.”

“Who’s Jack?”

“God. Well, new God. Jack had been living with us…its a long story for another time.”

“Yeah so, by Jack’s grace, maybe it's my second chance at being with you. Loving you.” Dean’s breath hitched at her words, “Your hands are tough, but they are where mine belong.”

So he walked up to her, and pulled her into a loving kiss. It was soft, eager and…just like old times.

They separated but their foreheads touched as they panted for air. “Second chance?” Dean asked

Y/N nodded, “Second chance.”

He smiled, “This time I'll leave no stones unturned to make this work. Because Y/N, sweetheart, you are worth everything.”

Oh boy, I'm kinda rusty XD

Let me know your thoughts! Comments are highly appreciated!

[shefaniquotes]

SHEFANI PLAYLIST (Spotify 🎧)

Songs that have been referenced by Blake or Gwen in connection to their relationship or are otherwise associated with them

1. Hotline Bling – Drake

💬 Blake: "Gwen sang it to me on 'The Tonight Show' one night, so ..."

🎼Call me on my cell phone Late night when you need my love I know when that hotline bling That can only mean one thing

2. Step By Step – Eddie Rabbitt

💭 Blake often sang this song in BSers Lounge – fans associated it with Shefani

🎼First step, ask her out and treat her like a lady Second step, tell her she's the one you're dreaming of Third step, take her in your arms and never let her go Don't you know that step by step, step by step, you'll win her love?

3. Leather and Lace – Stevie Nicks

💬 Blake: "We should [cover that song]." Shefani fans favorite since Gwen performed the song in December 2015

🎼But I carry this feeling When you walked into my house That you won't be walking out the door Still, I carry this feeling When you walked into my house That you won't be walking out the door

4. I've Been Lookin' – Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

💭 Back in summer 2018, Blake’s mom posted a video of them singing this song while driving in OK

🎼I've been looking for a love Someone to hold as I lay sleepin' I'm not talking 'bout someone Who's scared of promises Or keepin' 'em I'm just looking for a love To stand the test of time I've been lookin' for someone To be all mine

5. Baby I'm-a Want You – Bread

💬 Gwen: "What’s that song that I love…?" - Blake: "Baby I'm-a Want You by Bread?"

Blake on The Voice: "Gwen's not kidding. We listen to Bread all the time."

🎼Used to be my life was just emotions passing by Then you came along and made me laugh and made me cry You taught me why Baby, I'm-a want you Baby, I'm-a need you

6. There’s No Stoppin’ Your Heart – Marie Osmond

💬 Blake: "I love that song ‘There’s No Stopping Your Heart."

🎼I plan to be the one who sticks around Ooh your love could lift me up above the clouds I get so high when I'm with you, I may never come down When forever starts, There's no stopping, no stopping, no stopping your heart

7. I Want To Know What Love Is – Foreigner

💬Gwen: "You took a song that’s actually on my makeout playlist"

🎼I wanna know what love is I want you to show me I wanna feel what love is I know you can show me

8. So Small – Carrie Underwood

💬 Blake on The Voice back in 2016: "I completely got wrapped up in the lyrics of that song. You delivered the message to me tonight, and I totally related to the lyrics of that song."

🎼And what you've been out there searching for forever Is in your hands Oh, and when you figure out love is all that matters after all It sure makes everything else Seem so small

9. Haven’t Got Time for the Pain – Carly Simon

💬 Gwen: "I would dedicate this song to @Blakeshelton gx."

🎼All those crazy nights when I cried myself to sleep Now melodrama never makes me weep anymore 'Cause I haven't got time for the pain I haven't got room for the pain I haven't the need for the pain Not since I've known you

10. Stricken – No Doubt

💬 "She asked me if I knew the song Stricken and told me she recently sent it to Blake."

🎼I love you completely I guess I'm kinda mad about you I love you, I love you I do Love overcomes all of my senses Lowers all of my defenses, yeah

11. Defenseless – Kirk Jay

💬 Blake: “This is my life right now.”

🎼Oh, I'm defenseless Like a drought to a flame I’m defenseless Girl, when you say my name But the thing is I have never felt safer than this

12. Lookin' For Love – Johnny Lee

💬 Blake before playing the song: "I’ll try. I gotta do it for Gwen."

🎼Well, I spent a lifetime lookin' for you Single bars and good time lovers were never true Playing a fools game, hopin' to win And tellin' those sweet lies and losin' again You came knockin' on my heart's door You're everything I've been looking for

13. Turn Your Lights Down – Bob Marley and the Wailers

💬 Blake: "Gwen and I have a playlist. I want their version." - John: "It's a good love song for when you guys..." - Blake: "You're talking about loove."

🎼This potion might, this ocean might, carry me In a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me And every word, every second, and every third Expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard (uh) And when I play 'em, every chord is a poem Tellin' the Lord how grateful I am because I know him (what? word) The harmonies possess a sensation similar to your caress (uh)

14. In Your eyes – Peter Gabriel

💭 The first dance song

🎼In your eyes The light, the heat (Your eyes) I am complete (Your eyes) I see the doorway to a thousand churches (Your eyes)

15. Islands in the Stream – Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

💬 Gwen: "That song would be my dream if me and Blake could do that song together one day."

🎼I can't live without you if the love was gone Everything is nothing if you got no one And you did walk in the night Slowly losing sight of the real thing But that won't happen to us and we got no doubt Too deep in love and we got no way out

[laylawatermelon]

Y'all i just cracked the davinci code and idk if you're gonna like it.

As a Buddie fan devastated obviously, as a 9-1-1 fan devastated obviously and as a writer absolutely blown away by the finessing they just graced us with.

They literally found a way to make Eddie straight and by God they've done it successfully.

Lemme explain.

I was locked in when he was having the speech with Shannon and didn't get to deep in the emotions (heinous ik but I wanted to hear what he was feeling).

I did get some water wobbles in my chest but that's neither here nor there. I did scream horrifically at the cliffhanger of the show.

Guess the nun did scare the life out of her (and me!) after all! Heeh should've seen that coming honestly but I didn't think they'd go there.

So there's two things I think is gonna happen, one Eddie's gonna go on more straight woman dates (yay 😮‍💨) and Chris is leaving.

Now the second one I'll address first and don't bash me if it's not trueee.

I'll get the Chris one over with. First Gavin, Chris' actor, family moved. Since he's become a main he's had little to no screentime in the show.

What I think has happened in real life it's that Gavin will step away from the show. They have him main to show his importance in the cast and storyline (i can also guess pay raise but I'm not saying that's unreasonable really) before his send off.

Realistically he's a disabled person, a child/minor at that, who i assume has a lot of equipment and things he has to travel with. I can imagine it's not that easy to consistently travel across states with equipment, doctor's appointments, schoolwork etc.

So this is probably his last season for a while.

The birthday party (which can also double as a send off or until next time message) and the promotion/upgrade in role despite not being written as such or having storyline outside of the adults.

(off topic but I'd love a mini 118 hijinks b story with all the kids or a low stakes disaster where they all team up until the 118 get there)

He's been hypocritical to him about cheating and even tarnished his mom's legacy by bringing a fake version of her in his house.

The reason i can say the story can effectively write him off for the first half of next season is that Chris will go with his other family because he feels betrayed by his dad.

He doesn't feel safe anymore (😞😭 I'm making myself sad) so he opts to leave until his dad gets better.

The hospital scene is Eddie realizing what his kid needs isn't a new mom but to trust in his parents and that's now shattered (ooh this starting to feel personal be gone trauma!).

So he'll throw a tantrum (a rightfully deserved one that's my boy😤) and say in anger he doesn't want to be with his dad.

Buck will obviously be there cause yeah Eddie (delusional hubby) clearly needs help in his hour of need and so does Chris.

Eddie will do self isolation. Buck will be there for him (Tommy probably staying too but I'm neutral for this post) but with everything Eddie going through he's gonna be wrecked.

And because Eddie's a (good? Eh so so right now) dad he'll let Chris decide when he wants to return.

Hence the heartbreak.

Boom it solves the Gavin problem where he can probably stay during the summer so maybe mid season 8 or limited role like how they did this season and his family can focus on him/life.

Now the Straight Eddie!

By God he's done it!

You've pulled a real good one. Tim I salute you truly.

Idk how you made a straight man out of him but by his you've done it!

(so did you Ryan I'm watching you!)

Since buddie isn't on the table this season the platonic hasn't been more platonic-er since season 7 episode 1.

The way he did it was so easy and smooth I'm in awe.

This is how he kept and can probably enforce straight Eddie.

This is also how he can not enforce straight Eddie (haha got you).

The line you were the love of my life but I'm living it without you now stuck out to me.

That means he's going to find himself and what he really likes without a partner. Therapy, hobbies all that good ish. Maybe a few dates but def church.

Here's why.

Church has been something he drift away and let's be honest American tv and society is still founded in Christianity and all of its adjacent branches.

You must have God somewhere in there for the older audience to tune in/connect with of it's getting a lil secular (aka the bundle of lgbt characters. They're probably saying at least one of em knows God😮‍💨😮‍💨) /hj

The book of prayers symbolizes him going back to God to find answers about himself.

Anyways for the straight Eddie he can get closer to himself better in his faith and get a nice Christian girl who he matches with and (maybe) even has a kid/ similar background.

Since he's been to therapy and he's let go of the love of his life he's now free to find love in someone else. A new woman. (And truly this time)

(or a man, or they/them)

Yes my queer Eddie agenda rises!

Go FORTH!

BE ONE WITH THE SKITTLES SQUAD!

But seriously though the other way it can go is that he's discovering stuff about himself away from romance. He becomes more comfortable with religion but when confusing feelings (attraction to the same gender anyone for $10?) arise then he'll maybe start to fight his Catholic guilt about it since he's gotten closer to it.

Then he'll have to ask for for forgiveness but not permission for the live he wants to live.

(with buck in a house on the waves! Let me be delusional! I've kept it under wraps this long!)

But anyways they've truly dodged the lgbt fruity storyline.

They've also shown us that yes, Buddie was NOT platonic because I've never felt more friends energy in my life this season.

And what the AuDHD brain says is canon/not canon I vibe accordingly.

The vibes were low. Like a suspiciously low.

Dare I say subtextually low.

That's not happened in the history of buddie this is a code red!

CODE RED!

Okay I'm done btw hate me or whatever! /big J

[fortunatelyuniquepeach]

You've always got me𓆩♡𓆪

pairing: Alejandro vargas x gn!reader

a/n: this is inspired by @alewesker and their post!

so it's mentioned that one of alejandro's favourite things about having a smaller partner is that he gets to help them with getting things from a high shelf or maybe just anywhere they can't reach.

But what if his partner is so stubborn and won't ask for help?

for example, first time they are in a situation where they are spending the night at Alejandro's place, and they need to get a cup but it's at the highest shelf. They immediately start looking around for a chair to help them reach whatever they want, but even then they need to be on their tip toes to get it. Alejandro's watching from afar quietly a little confused, why didn't they ask for help? But he decides to not stress over it. They'll probably ask for help next time.

But he was so wrong. It's happened more three times and each time he waited for them to even just look at him but they still didn't, thinking they don't need his help.

Alejandro didn't want to push it, he really didn't. he couldn't stop himself they next time it happened, this time he couldn't be quiet anymore, instead, he walk up to them, grabbing the chair before they can grab it.

"why won't you ask for my help?" he says gently with a small pout on his mouth.

"what do you mean honey?" they answer confused. what could they possibly need his help with?. "you know what I mean mi vida , I could easily get you what you want, you know I won't even need a chair" this time he answers with a smirk, trying to lighten up after he might've seemed upset.

"oh I can do it myself"

"but you don't have to"

this time they take a few seconds to reply, taking his words in. he's right, they don’t have to. they don’t have to do everything on their own. even with something as small as getting a cup form a high shelf, they don’t have to shy away from asking for help especially if it's from their partner.

"I guess you're right. I'm sorry i just really never think about asking for help. I kind of gotten used to do everything on my own"

He lets go of the chair and his hand reaches out to his partner's face instead, holding them so gently before he answers so softly, "i know baby but i'm here now. You don't have to do everything on your own, you can always ask for my help with anything no matter how small or how big. Okay?"

"okay", they answer back. their lips curved into a warm, loving smile, holding onto his hands. they can finally let go. It can be over only if they let it be, they are not on their own anymore, they don't have to be.

[thelittleangel]

Blind Date

tags: Castiel x male reader, fluff, angst, male reader,

warnings: possible OOC, angst, reference to past relationships that weren't great, reader gets stood up.

taglist:@agroovygoose @pumpkinhead666 @waywardseraph @wraith-posts

When I agreed to do this, I didn't think there’d be this much waiting.  I thought he would have been here by now.  But sitting at the restaurant for thirty minutes seemed to me like he wasn’t coming.  

I made a deal with myself to wait another ten minutes and if he didn’t show up, I was going home.

Another five minutes, I sat, tearing up napkins.  

Three minutes pass.

“Screw it.” I mutter.

I grab my coat, dropping 5 bucks on the table.

On my way to the door, I bump into someone.  Turning to say “excuse me.”, my eyes meet with a familiar shade of blue.

“Hello.” 

“Hey, Cas.  What are you doing here?”

“Dean asked me to pick something up.  What are you doing here?”

“Nothing anymore.”

His lips shape into a frown.  “What’s nothing?”

“One of my friends set me up on a blind date.”

“How did it go?”

I breathe out a heavy sigh. “It didn’t.”

“He didn't show up?”

I shake my head.  He looks at me with what I guess is pity, and then back at the tables.  

“I’m sorry.”

I smile at him and shake my head.  “Don't be, it's not your fault.”

“May I sit with you?”

I look at him in confusion.  “Aren’t you picking something up for Dean?”

He smiles gently at me, “it can wait.”

I smile back at him, “Pie?”

He nods. “Pie.”

He gestures to the table I was just sitting at.  I look at the table and then back at him, “you sure?”

He nods.

I walk to the table, setting my stuff down.  He sits across from me.  We just watch each other awkwardly.  I don’t know what to say to him and I doubt he knows what to say to me.  I look down at my hands.  

“Why do you go on these dates?”

I breathe out a sigh.  “I honestly don’t know anymore.  I never have any luck, and when I do hit it off with someone, they never contact me again.  And I don't know if it's me or if it's just….”

We sit in silence for a moment, and I lean back into my seat, wallowing in sadness and self-pity.

“Can you look at me for a second?’

I look up at him, sure that I’m going to get some kind of stern expression and aggressive words to stop with the pity party.  And I know he wouldn’t do something like that, but it’s just a common occurrence that I've learned to expect from everybody.  But no, his expression is kind, his eyes are gentle.

“Even if you don’t can’t find someone who will love you right away, please don’t give up hope.  There are still people out there who care about you.”  

“I don’t really have a lot of people in my life, Cas.”

“You have Dean, and Sam, and you have me.  You have your friends.  Your family.  You’re not alone.”

“It feels like I am sometimes.”

“Because no one’s interested in you romantically.”

“Yes.” 

“How do you know that’s the case?”

“Because they never make an attempt to contact me after the first date, so I'm just left to wonder what I did wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.  You just haven’t found the right person.”

I look down at my hands again.  He covers them with his own.  I look up at him again.  There’s sympathy there.  

I squeeze his hand and then let go.  I grab my stuff and head out.  

As I'm walking to my car, I hear footsteps behind me.  I turn and I see Cas.  

I force a smile onto my face.  “Hey Cas.  What’s up?”

He looks nervous.  I unlock my car and open the door.

“Before you left, I wanted to give you something.”

“What is it?”

He shifts his weight from one foot to the other.  “It’s a surprise.  I’m going to have to ask you to do something strange.”

I can feel my eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.  “Like what?”  

He looks away.  “I need you to close your eyes.”

“Are you sure you can’t just tell me?”

He looks back up at me, his expression serious.  “I’m sure.”

I sigh, closing my eyes.

I hear a shift, like he’s moving, maybe adjusting his coat.  He takes a step.  

I shift from one foot to the other.  Waiting. 

I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder, and I jump from the sudden and unexpected touch.  “Cas, what are you-”

His hand moves to my face, his thumb brushing my eyelashes gently.

He takes a step closer.

I feel his lips brush mine.

My eyes open wide, and I take a step back, but I realize it's all for nothing, because there’s no one in front of me.

[fushiglow]

Then I guess you're a better person than me, Gojo!!

Because I hate Gege Akutami and I'm *very* angry on your behalf 😃 I’m (sort of) kidding but damn... thoughts on 236 below the cut!!

I held off posting earlier because I felt like going scorched earth on everything jjk. I took some time to clear up some of the translations I wasn't sure about and let the reality sink in, and now I'm ready to talk about this chapter rationally lol.

Firstly, I wanna say that my issue with this chapter isn’t Gojo dying or even the way that he died. I always knew that Gojo dying was likely, but here?? Now???? I've spent all day turning it over in my mind and trying to make it work, but it just won't.

I think Gojo's 'delusion' (daydream? afterlife?) is really beautiful in isolation. Some of the dialogue is really touching and I think it'll benefit from the emotional impact delivered by the full translations. The problem is what follows.

After 235, people were nervous that Gojo hadn't actually won yet. I waited to see what some trusted translators thought of the editor's comment before deciding it was a conclusive win for Gojo, and what I read reassured me that the win would remain intact even if he died at some point over the course of December 24.

In the past couple of chapters, we were told that Sukuna was 'nervous' for the first time in 1000 years and he thought Hollow Purple at close range would be fatal. At the end of 235, Sukuna is looking pretty terrible while Gojo looks fresh as a daisy after fighting in inspiring, inventive ways throughout.

So to find out that, actually, he *hasn't* won and he's been killed by getting cut in half offscreen feels like shock value for the sake of shock value. There have been a few 'shock factor' moments during this fight and they've always bothered me a little, but I could excuse them for the sake of hype building in a weekly manga. However, I never anticipated anything on this level and I'm genuinely so disappointed.

I think this long-awaited fight ending this way cheapens Gojo's character *and* Sukuna's character (and Kashimo's character for that matter!), and ultimately makes the entire thing feel meaningless. 'Meaning' is the thread that has run through Gojo's entire arc, tying him back to Suguru as he sought to build a better world. I always felt certain that Gojo's life and death would have meaning, even if it ended tragically, but I just can't find the meaning in this. I think I understand what Gege was trying to do, but he really didn't sell it for me.

There’s nothing worse than when a story makes you feel stupid for getting invested, and that’s how I’m feeling right now. I find myself wondering, what was the point in bringing Gojo back at all??? Keep him in the box and very little changes in the story, unless it transpires that Gojo 'weakening' Sukuna for the students was his grand purpose after all which... really??

Even worse, I *always* said if it was between Gojo and the students, I wanted Gojo to die. Since 212, getting Megumi back has been my number one priority, but 236 has achieved what I previously thought impossible. I literally don't even want Megumi to come back anymore, because I just can't imagine how he could live with himself after 'killing' Tsumiki and Gojo. It seems kinder for him to die with Sukuna and I *never* thought I would say that.

I'm feeling like a real clown for the meta I posted after 235. I want to take it down because I was so certain that Gojo had won, but I won't because I don't believe my reading of Gojo's character was wrong. I just think my expectations were too high, even though I tried hard to temper them. Even so, telling Megumi about Toji being left to Shoko? Gojo losing and leaving his students to clean up the mess again?? Gojo not even *mentioning* his students in his dying daydream???

It all just feels wrong. Gojo has been turned into nothing more than a plot device at the absolute last second, and maybe it's on me for ever expecting that he would be anything more than that in a series where he isn't the main character, but why bother writing Hidden Inventory then? Why bother getting us invested in this man's story at all?

Right now, I'm feeling like I don't even want to watch tomorrow's episode, but I am interested to see whether Gege can pull this arc off in the long term. I've seen people talking about resurrection theories because of the enlightenment hints and, while I do see the vision, I think Gojo's acceptance of his death and letting go of his regrets can also be read as enlightenment as he escapes the mortal coil once and for all.

Gojo's dying bloody smile shows he's at least happy in his final moments, so my feeling is that Gojo is truly dead and gone. I really want to trust that Gege will make this work, but damn. This is a tragedy.

(Although, if Gojo actually is at peace in death, maybe that's the reason Gege will bring him back. He'll *never* let that man be happy, I swear.)

To end on a positive note, the SatoSugu crumbs were beautiful and teenage Gojo's facial expressions were wonderful. I'm crying again just thinking about the contrast of that last adorable smile with his blank expression on the next page.

I'm dropping all my canonverse WIPs and working exclusively on AU fics for the foreseeable future 😤 I'm gonna give Gojo all the happy endings he deserves!!!

(fuck. poor poor shoko.)

[thedissociatives]

Heeeyyyy, I'm so so intrigued by your hockey posting. I'd love to know more about Fedorov, like what's the lore, what makes him special? Have a nice day/ night <333

good morning/afternoon/evening anon! since you asked so nicely i'll try my best but i do tend to forget everything i know when i have to actually explain it. there is a lot of lore tho so i'm not gonna go over all of it (mainly the bits that interest me the most + some other stuff). i guess what really makes him special (at least to me) is the fact that we don't get players like this anymore. and i'm not talking playing style here (the impact of euro hockey players of the 90s on the nhl today is still so obviously there). a lot of his early career was directly impacted by cold war politics, and since those circumstances haven't existed for a while now, we don't get this insane type of backstories and lore anymore. i should also make it clear that i'm a massive nerd who sat in classrooms for years learning abt soviet stuff which i think definitely has an impact on who My Guys are

seriously there is a lot under the cut so be warned because i did get carried away with myself A Lot (i literally wrote over 1k words on this. sorry in advance)

ok so. sergei started playing "pro" hockey in the soviet union in the mid 80s (i don't think this is the place to explain whether these players were pro or amateur so will leave it like that), first in minsk (only for a year) before being picked up by cska moscow- the central army team. these guys made up most of the national team, which can probably be explained by the fact that their head coach also coached the national team (god that's a bit of a mouthful, but incredibly relevant). he wasn't the only rookie on the team that season; another kid (i think they were both like 16 at the time ?) called alex mogilny had also just arrived in moscow. they would become good friends. sergei would play three seasons for cska before being called up for the national team- he was going to the 1989 world championship. alex would be there, too, having already played on the team before. naturally, the ussr won gold (as they did almost every year). but that doesn't mean everything was good with the players. not long too after the tournament, some of the older players would finally get permission to play in the nhl, but for the younger guys it was looking like they had no way of getting out any time soon. in the days between the end of the championship and the soviet team's flight home, mogilny apparently approached fedorov and asked him to go to america with him- sergei said no, worried about what would happen to his family. alex would go anyway, disappearing for a few days before popping up in buffalo ready to join the sabres. (this might seem irrelevant right now but it's actually really not- i'm getting there now)

that same summer, sergei would be drafted in the fourth round by detroit. this choice may or may not have been influenced by steve yzerman telling them sergei was better than him. after a bit of back and forth, they got him to defect after cska played a series of games in north america. it literally sounds like the type of shit they write in spy films it was fucking mental. this made him only the second soviet to defect in order to play in the nhl i'm pretty sure (defo the second in like 18 months- funnily enough it was his bestie who was the first one. what a coincidence), but they weren't the first two from the other side of the iron curtain to do that. might be wrong but i think that honour goes to the stastny brothers. anyway. when sergei got to detroit he wore 91 because he wanted to "be like stevie" or some insane shit like that. which i literally think about all the time. like seriously what was that about sergei.

okok can't not talk about the russian five so doing that now. since idk how much you know about hockey i'll do a better job on this bit. after sergei arrived in detroit, management must've figured they could get more russians. over the next couple of years they got vladimir konstantinov (who was drafted the same year as sergei) and slava kozlov to make the jump to the states. since i'm mainly talking about sergei i won't go into how they got those two but it's just as unbelievable as you'd expect. after the 1994-95 lockout, the wings traded for another russian- slava fetisov. if you ever want to learn about soviet hockey you'll hear a lot about this guy, and for good reason too. he won two olympic gold medals and seven world championships with the soviet union, and captained most of those teams. obviously adding a guy with that much experience winning was a smart choice imo, even if he hadn't won anything in the nhl yet. by now the wings had four russian players- why not add a fifth ? in 1994 the wings were embarrassed in the playoffs, losing to san jose. it just happened that sj happened to have two of the older soviets who had fought for the right to play in north america. one of them was igor larionov- probably the smartest guy to ever play hockey. it was his tactics (and refusal to change his style of play) that led to his team's success in the first round. and i guess detroit didn't ever want to deal with that again because they ended up trading for the guy in the first part of the 1995-96 season. the russian five first played together in calgary, where they played that style of soviet hockey that nhlers could never really wrap their heads around at the time. they walked all over the flames in their own building, and would continue to do the same to the rest of the league. the five would be a key part of the 1997 stanley cup-winning team, which was the first wings team to lift the cup in over forty years.

sergei stayed to win a few more cups, and then left the city. he signed w the ducks in anaheim, bleached his hair and moved out to california (i think we can all resonate with wanting to change our appearance and move thousands of miles away from where we've spent over a decade building out lives amiright). from what i can tell, this move was Not Liked by detroit's owners (honestly i can't see any other reason his number hasn't been retired there). he'd bounce around a couple more nhl teams before going back to russia to play on the same team as his brother, eventually retiring in 2012.

jumping to 2015, that year's hockey hall of fame inductees included sergei (and nick lidstrom, one of his detroit teammates and one of the best defencemen to every play the game). it was basically a 90s wings reunion. in sergei's induction speech, he did like everyone else and thanked a bunch of people who helped him out throughout his career. and, you know, it was all the expected stuff (hockey guys can be so predictable sometimes), but "to my captain, steve yzerman" still fucking gets me. it had been twelve years since he'd worn a wings jersey. my captain. i think you get my point but i'm gonna have to stop there because i can't carry on and be remotely normal about it.

oh and in 2021, after spending a few years bouncing around random jobs for the team, cska announced that fedorov would be taking over as head coach. he went back to the team where all this started. now i don't know how exactly he is with his team but i sure hope he learned enough from his days there as a player under tikhonov on exactly how not to treat your players. cska won back to back gagarin cups (the trophy awarded to the khl team who wins the playoffs) in sergei'd first two seasons behind the bench, and they're probably looking to make it a threepeat with the playoffs starting today (?)

[yandere-daze]

This is, uh, my first ever ask I sent to anyone but I wanted to say that I love your take on a self aware enstars au! I love reading different ideas of this kind of thing and I was surprised to find one for enstars. It’s so cool to read everyone’s ideas and contributions to this au!

I wanted to get your thoughts on something regarding the scenario where the player becomes part of a new unit and everyone doesn’t like them because the player disappears around the same time. In most imposter self aware genshin aus, the characters eventually realize that oops, they’ve been hunting down the player all along and immediately regret and try to repent. In your opinion, how would the idols (and Anzu too, I guess) realize that the leader of the new unit is actually the player, like maybe through a song the player and their unit makes about their experiences in the world and their past one, and how would they go about apologizing and/or making up for their poor treatment? Personally, I think that Niki and Adonis would probably use food for their apology somehow and Shu might make an outfit for you (and maybe your unit) but I’d like to see what you come up with!

You don’t have to answer this one, I’d just love to hear your thoughts on it!

I decided to combine these two asks because they're both kind of related to each other so I thought it would be best to do both of them in a single post. I hope that's okay with you guys ^^

First of all, thank you!! I'm glad you've been enjoying yourself with this AU!! I mentioned it before but I myself am a big fan of yandere self-aware AUs in pretty much every fandom I'm in so I was pretty excited when I got the chance to think and talk about it due to nana's ask 😊 The fact that you guys are just as excited about this as me is obviously a huge plus!!!

Now, let's get to some theorizing!

Edit: Holy shit this got kind of long. Oops djdjd

gn reader

tw yandere, past bad treatment towards reader, obsession, stalking, mention of murder, kidnapping, creepy behavior

The characters finding out that idol! reader is actually the player right as they're about to leave and how they would try to make up for the poor treatment

You've likely been treated pretty poorly by all of the characters for a while now, even though you don't understand why. You just got sent into a completely foreign world as an idol and everyone seems to simply hate you? There's no one except your two unit mates that look like carbon copies of you, that want to stick by your side and talk to you. It's a pretty miserable experience to be antagonized all the time even though you don't remember doing anything wrong. You're just existing and trying to live your life, why do they hold you in so much contempt? You wish you could simply ask them but no one gives you a straight answer when you try. It's frustrating.

Naturally it would all come to a breaking point where you just can't deal with the harsh treatment any longer. You don't want to spend every second of your life being reminded that none of the people here like you. There are even some that openly threaten you with violence for seemingly no reason at all. Sometimes you're scared to go to bed because you fear that one of them might just sneak in at night and end your life once and for all

You decide that you've had enough. Why are you even staying at Ensemble Square anymore? You don't have any friends aside from the twins and you didn't even want to be an idol in the first place. If you have to make a living in this strange world then you would much prefer doing some normal job and life a humble life at a completely different place. At least then you could life in peace and maybe find some happiness.

There's no way you're staying here any longer.

Meanwhile, while you're busy preparing your bags to move somewhere else, an important revelation was made at ES. One that leaves everyone shocked and appalled and most of all: very guilty.

When Anzu made her rounds through the office that day, she stumbled upon a notebook left forgotten on one of the desk. Now normally the dutiful producer would not be one to pry into the personal affairs of others but there was a certain sense of curiosity set aflame inside of her when she saw your name on the cover. All of a sudden, she didn't care about your privacy anymore when she remembered that you were likely the reason why the player wasn't with them anymore.

So she goes ahead and reads the first page of your notebook, finding it to be an amalgamation of a personal diary and a blank piece of paper where you can write down ideas and concepts for upcoming songs.

At first, Anzu reads with limited interest, merely skimming the lines until suddenly, she feels her eyes widen dramatically, the notebook almost slipping out of her hands in shock.

She sees you writing about all of the strange occurrences in your life. How one day, you were still sitting at home playing the mobile game you loved and suddenly the next day you were sucked into the game for no apparent reason. You describe in clear detail how confused and lost you were and how everyone rejected you, seeming to hate you for no fault of your own. How much it hurt and how you had resolved to leave all of this behind you and move to a better and hopefully nicer place.

It hits Anzu like a flash, the realization that you were the player all along. That they had treated you so cruely when you were the very person they wanted to be with more than anything.

Of course, she immediately went and called in every single idol at ES, much to the surprise of everyone attending. It was highly unusual for the producer to call on all of them so suddenly, and with such urgency and panic in her voice as well.

Naturally, when she reveals what she had discovered, all hell breaks loose.

How could they have been so blind? How could they not have realized this sooner? Now that they knew the truth it all seems so obvious in hindsight. The player suddenly disappears and at the exact same time, a new idol that none of them have ever heard of mysteriously joins the game, with a new unit made specifically to compliment and highlight them.

They feel so guilty, they need to make it up to you! They need to apologize and tell you how sorry they are to have mistreated you like that when you were the most important person to all of them!!

But there were even more pressing issues right now. You had mentioned that you wanted to leave ES behind and start a new life somewhere else. You were about to leave them and escape their grasp forever. They could not let that happen! Now that they know who you truly are, they can't just let you go!

Since you mentioned Izumi and Ritsu, let's talk about them a little!!

Ritsu is just hit with the sudden realization that he's going to be left alone by the person he loves the most again. He is quite empathetic so he understands why you would choose to do this. From your end, there was no reason for you to stay around any longer with they way they were treating you. You deserve to have a happy life with people that appreciate you.

And yet, the old abandonment issues are kicking in in full gear. He gets very very desperate, he wants you next to him, you can't just leave him!! They have to find you before you can abandon him forever, he promises he will make things up to you properly once you return! He'll give you all the love and affection you deserved from the very beginning and he'll promise to never let you go again! Please, just don't leave him! Don't let Ritsu be all alone again!!

Izumi is desperate too but in a different way. Once he realizes that his beloved obsession is escaping him, his mood starts to shift rapidly as he tries to think of a way to find you. He didn't think of putting a GPS tracker on you like he normally would have, simply because he used to hate your guts because he wrongly believed that you were the cause for his beloved player leaving him. But now he knows that's not the case and he's downright hysteric.

Izumi will 100% start a manhunt as if he hadn't just loudly complained that he was going to miss out on an important fotoshoot because of this impromptu meeting. He's already out there, trying his absolute best to find you. Breaks into your apartment with zero hesitation to see if you're still there or to find some clue on where you may have gone to in your room. Maybe he finds a map laying on the table or he finds some other clue but he's hot on your tail.

He is not going to let you slip from his grasp. He's going to find you and then he's going to drag you right back where you came from. He's going to be a bit mean in true Izumi-fashion but he is going to apologize for treating you that harshly. The shift in his attitude toward you is really creepy honestly. First he's shouting insults at you or ignoring you and now he's obsessively holding on to you and smelling your hair like the obsessed freak he is.

Also his apology included most likely kidnapping you <3 He won't get an opportunity to keep you for himself like this anytime soon, he'll just tell the others that he lost your trail and that you already managed to get far, far away. There's no need for them to keep searching for you around here

Some other apologies include Niki and Adonis cooking your favorite meals for you every day and they're honestly pretty sincere in their apologies. I don't think either of them would be particularly harsh to you when the misunderstanding was still happening but they feel bad all the same that they didn't stop the others from being so cruel to you.

Speaking of cruel, Shu was probably awful to you back then. The player is his muse, the person he loves more than anyone else. He's already not known to mince his words around others and he's very open when it comes to expressing his dislike for people he doesn't like. Imagine how brutal he would have been to the person that he thinks is the reason you left him and aren't coming back.

Similar to Izumi, his attitude toward you will make a complete 180. He's immediately gushing about you, admiring every little detail about you and already trying to guess your vague measurements to get to work. He's going to make the most wonderful outfit for you as an apology! No effort will be spared and he will work day and night to make this absolutely perfect. Shu is not the kind to often admit to his mistakes and apologize so take this as a token for how obsessed he is with you

There's more like how Arashi would most likely take you on a shopping tour or how Tsukasa would want to make it up to you by inviting you to eat sweets with him at his favorite café, but I feel like I've already rambled on for a long time and it's getting pretty late now

Hope you enjoyed!

[morningstargirl666]

When is The Big Bad Wolf Act 2 coming out?? Are you going to release monthly or all at once?? (I just finished the series and I’m in love 🩷🩷 no rush to write, just wondering if you have an idea because you have loyal readers waiting to love it!!! Have a great day <3)

Hello! Lovely to meet you and thank you so much for reading, that fic is a BEAST. So glad you enjoyed it!

So. When is the next update coming out? [nervous laughter]

Thing is, I told myself now I'm halfway i'll go back and edit, smooth things out before this fic literally becomes too long to tackle and that kinda...turned into a full rewrite?

I'm not changing the plot. That's exactly the same. But my ideas for the lore have changed since I first started writing and I wanted to add in a whole lot more of characterisation and set up for the chapters to come. I rewrote The Little Wolf back in December and recently did some tweaking to chapter 5 of it just this last week (I couldn't work out how to fix it when I first did the rewrite but I had an EPHIPHANY okay). So The Little Wolf is around 35k now, which is a huge difference to the 11k it was in November when I posted chapter 35 of tbbw. It's got tons of new scenes, a sharper forcus on the Mikaelson siblings not just Klaus and two whole new chapters. Of course, you've probably already read that as it is posted and you're a new reader, but that's what I was doing before Christmas, essentially.

As for The Big Bad Wolf itself...boy, where do I start. I'm approaching 85k on the rewrite...only on chapter 7. Which technically used to be chapter 6, because I got 5 chapters in before I added a new chapter. I guess that's a record for my restraint, at least.

So, in terms of what's happening: I'm re-writing tbbw. The plot isn't changing, but new scenes are being added, conversations are being tweaked, the lore is being more consistently fleshed out. Grammar for dialogue is being given a complete overhaul because that was a mess. But. Listen. It's so much better. It's so fucking better. I re-read the chapters I've done and in some places, the drafts aren't quite finished yet, like my writer brain is like fix this later BUT omg it's like, THE shit. It's so good. I've very excited.

I'm not sure how long it will take to finish. I might be able to stop halfway and post the rewritten/edited chapters I've got so far but I make no promises because I feel more inclined to keep going and get it all done in one. Some chapters won't need much work at all as they've been more heavily edited in the past (chapter 8 and 9 should be done pretty quickly, just giving them a facelift), while others I'm really ripping into. There's one chapter I know I'll either delete or delete scenes from to be replaced with something else (don't worry, the scenes will go into my deleted scenes fic on ao3, it's not gone forever).

So yeah. At the rate I'm going, I'm not gonna lie, it may take till the summer before I get all this editing done AND finish the new chapter 36 update - and you may get two new chapters at once, because it might be a long one and I might split it. But by the end of it, tbbw won't be 378k anymore. It'll probably be closer 450k. So you'll get a 50k+ update (along with some bonus stuff) to the whole fic and then a week later I'll post the new chapters (I used to post fornightly, a chapter every two weeks, and I'll go back to that when I'm done).

But yeah. I've written like, 110k since December, which for context is is closing in on the equivalent of the second book of TLOTR trilogy: The Return of the King was 137,115 words. That's an epic novel's worth. In three months.

An arguement could be made that I'm making this fic way too long but I don't really care? I love writing this. It makes my head spin and makes me tear my hair out but...it's so much fun too. And I get to rewrite canon, the way it should have been (we were so ROBBED 😭😭😭), so hey! It's free therapy too! I'm not going to stop as long as I'm loving every second.

Thanks for reading, and thank for listening to my insane plans! Hopefully, I'll see you there on ao3 when this fic is back for business!!

-And it WILL be back.

[crashdevlin]

Losses and Gains 4- Something Wrong

Author’s Note: This is the fourth chapter of Losses and Gains, the second part of To Have it All. This is Something More...from Jensen's side!

Second Author's note: I'm sorry this took so damn long to get out. I won't bore you with the details but I'm on new meds and things should be getting better from now on. Love all of you that have stuck around.

Summary: Jensen is having trouble letting go...and maybe he's imagining it, but it seems Y/n is having troubles too.

Pairing:  Jensen x Reader, background Reader x Tom Hiddleston

Word count: 3386

Story Warnings: open marriage, mentions of depression and heartbreak, bad things, alcohol as a crutch, anger, fighting

~~~

"What did you do?!" Misha's voice went up by at least three octaves as he pointed to the workers taking my broken flatscreen out to the dumpster so they could fit the new one in its place.

“It broke,” I responded, hoping that he wouldn’t press. It’s Misha, though, so of course, he insisted.

“How?!”

“Coffee machine slipped. It’s fine. I got a new one coming.”

“A new TV or a new coffee machine?”

I rolled my eyes. “Both. It’s not a big deal, Misha. Seriously.”

“Hey, is everything okay? I mean, I don’t wanna pry but-”

“Then don’t,” I interrupted. “I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

“Oh…kay,” he said skeptically. “Well…have you heard about Y/n and Tom Hiddleston? Ya know, I knew something was going on between them. I could just see them together…and they are a cute couple, don’t you think?”

I had to stop myself from stomping away like a fucking child. Misha didn’t know, and I couldn’t let him in on it now, so I made an excuse. “Yeah, they’re adorable. I’m gonna go check on the movers.”

I was standing off to the side, watching them put my new TV on its mount, when the trailer rocked, and Jared stepped up into the kitchenette with me. “So, I take it you saw Tom’s post?” He ran his hand over the dent in the fridge. I didn’t look at him, just gave a nod as I watched the workers. “You took it out on your stuff this time, not Danneel, so I guess that’s progress.”

I clenched my jaw for a minute before turning to him. “She didn’t even want him to tell people. You know that, right?”

“But he could tell people…and that’s what you’re upset about.”

“You think I’m jealous?”

“You think you’re not?” He scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You can’t be that deluded, Ackles. All of this is because you’re jealous of him, that he can give her what you never could. You don’t want her happy.”

“I’m not--Of course, I want her happy, Jared.”

“Only if she’s with you.” I focused on the workers again. “You’re sabotaging your marriage. You’re sabotaging yourself. All because you don’t want her to find happiness with anyone else.”

“I’m not sabotaging shit.”

“You’re sabotaging everything.” He stepped in front of me, obscuring my view to force me to focus on him. I stared at his shoulder, but I refused to look at his face. “You have to stop this. You have to learn how to deal. You have to let her be happy with someone else.”

“Is she?” My jaw clenched as I let my eyes jump to his. “She’s barely even talking to anybody anymore. Kim and Bri haven’t heard from her in weeks. When’s the last time she called you?”

He looked away this time. “She’d tell us if she were having problems.”

“No, she wouldn’t,” I whispered, angrily. “She knows she’s made her bed and she would fucking lay in it, Jared. That’s who she is. She doesn’t wanna hurt anyone so she’d stick it out with him because that’s the option that she thinks will hurt the fewest people! So, what if she’s not happy? Jared, what if he’s…” I looked at my feet as tears popped up in my eyes. “What if she misses me?”

He sighed and reached out to pull me into a hug. “Of course, she does. She can miss you and be happy with him. She was in love with you, too, and that didn’t go away. It’s gonna be okay. You just gotta breathe and focus on the good, man.”

I swallowed down my tears and pulled away from him. “I don’t know if I can do it. She’s coming back next week. I don’t think I can be in the same place as her and not…not fucking break, man.”

He ran his hand through his hair and turned to look at the new TV as the workers turned it on to test it. “She’ll be here next week. I can check on her. She won’t be able to lie to me…not to my face. I’ll make sure she’s okay.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“She’s still my friend, too, Jay…and you’re right. She hasn’t been talking. I hope that she’s just busy and things are good but she hasn’t been talking to anybody. Fuck, Misha said she hasn’t even been responding to his incessant emails about GISH.”

I looked at my boots and sighed a little. "I'm sure I'm just overreacting. Seeing trouble because I want it to be there. She's probably MIA because she's busy and she's spending all her extra focus on him."

Jared smiled and patted my shoulder. "That's the most introspective, clear-headed thing you've said since Atlanta. Maybe you will get through this with your life intact."

He walked out as the workmen handed me a new remote and asked if I needed anything else before they left. I shook my head and thanked them. Only one person could give me what I needed...and I couldn’t call her.

~~~

I spent the next few days thinking I was getting better. I was improving. I was talking to Dee again, video chatting every day and not wanting to ignore her existence completely. I wasn't drowning in bitterness anymore. I was gonna be okay, I could feel it.

Until Y/n drove her little Nissan rental car onto the lot. I was talking to the mechanics about a scene with the Impala when she got out and looked around. My throat went dry and I had to force myself to look away as she greeted several of the crew on her way to wardrobe. I excused myself from my conversation and...followed her, but not in a creeper way. I just wanted to see her.

Yeah, I know that seems creepy. That's why I didn't answer when Jared walked up to stand next to me as I was staring at the door of the makeup trailer, waiting for her to come out.

"What'cha doin'?" I just shrugged. "Y/n's in there?"

"Yep."

"I don't need to tell you how creepy it is for you to be standing out here like a stalker, do I?"

"Nope."

"Good, then I won’t. Go run lines with Alex or something, I'm gonna go say 'hi'." I nodded, not watching as he walking away. I just turned and headed for Alex's trailer so I wouldn't be tempted to stick around. I didn’t run lines, though, just let the kid provide a distracting conversation for me as I waiting for call so I could interrogate Jared.

He immediately seemed on the defense. "I didn't have a lot of time to talk to her. She was due on Second Unit so I only had a few minutes, but we're gonna get dinner tonight so I can talk to her a bit more in depth."

"Okay, but how'd she seem? She seem good? Did you ask her about Tom? Is she happy?" I whispered furiously as we headed for the motel set.

He hesitated. He fucking hesitated. "I...don't know. I'm sure she is but…"

"But what?" I demanded, stopping in my tracks.

He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the back of her neck. "She didn't want the Facebook post. We all guessed that but...the way she excused it...I don’t know, Ackles, it just seemed...off. She said something about him making decisions for her because she doesn't make good decisions. It just seemed...wrong. I don't know exactly why but...I'm gonna get to the bottom of it at dinner, okay? I'm sure it's nothing but bad wording on her part."

My mind went rampaging through options but I didn't really have any. There was nothing I could do. Even if there was something wrong, what could I do? Absolutely nothing.

"Jared...if she's not happy with him, you have to convince her-"

"I'm not going to convince her of shit, dude. If she's not happy, she will figure it out eventually. She's smart and she got out of her bad marriage and she can get herself out of this if it's bad."

I didn't bring up the fact that Nate fucking cheated on her and left her. What would be the point? I just went to work. Had to focus on something.

~~~

"She swears she's happy," Jared said as we ate our breakfast burritos the next day.

"And do you believe her? What about Tom making decisions for her?"

"She's letting him make decisions because she thinks he's helping her."

"Yeah? How does telling the world about their relationship when she said she didn't want him to help her?"

Jared shrugged. "He's helping with her career and Nova, too, apparently. Did you know Nate is trying to get full custody? She's under a lot of stress. That's probably what I was picking up on yesterday, ya know."

I rolled my eyes. I remembered Nate threatening to go after custody but I didn't think he'd actually do it. "Bet he just wants child support out of her. He doesn't give a fuck about that little girl."

"Yeah, but...it is what it is. And it's part of why she's off. Honestly, I also think she's afraid to be too close with the Family because they are all such good friends with you and staying close to them...puts her in your circle."

I scoffed. "What, like I'm gonna make things hard for her if she's hanging with fuckin' Misha or something?"

"No, not intentionally, but hearing about you, knowing that they don't know, having to act like nothing happened between you...that's gotta be as hard for her as it is for you."

I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment before sighing. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Of course not, but it did. She's dealing with her end of it the best she can. You have to do the same. You getting over it might allow her to come back comfortably. You ever think of that? That maybe the reason she can't be around you has nothing to do with Tom and has everything to do with her not being able to deal with the guilt and the angry looks you give her and how everything exploded."

He was right. I wanted Tom to be the reason she pulled away because then it wouldn't be my fault but it was. Everything was my fault.

"Oh, and she has her first late show appearance this week. I'm gonna give her a shout out on Twitter. A good friend would do the same. It's a Marvel thing, press for her Anthology."

"So Tom'll be there too," I guessed, bitterly.

"And Anthony Mackey and Sebastian Stan, yeah," he confirmed. "Look, you don't have to watch it. Just try to be supportive."

“If I’m gonna advertise for their press junket, I’m gonna fuckin’ watch the thing...for her.”

“You remember that Tom is all about the PDA, right? You might see something you don’t want to see.” Jared was trying to be helpful. I know he was, but...it just seemed like salt in my wounds.

“Yeah. I’m a big boy. I can handle it. Thanks.”

“If you say so, Ackles,” he said, before walking away.

~~~

I made sure I had a stiff drink in my hand when I sat down in my trailer to watch Y/n on Colbert. A double of the best whiskey I owned. I knew that it was going to be a long night. I figured an angry fit, maybe an ugly cry, was on the books. Instead, I felt a bit numb as I watched the Marvel crew walk onstage. Tom was holding her hand and they were both smiling so fucking bright. She looked so excited to be on that stage and so...good. I wanted to be upset about the way Tom sat right beside her and put a possessive hand on her arm, but I was so lost in her eyes and the smile she got when Colbert greeted her and congratulated her on her first late night appearance that I couldn't think much of anything.

But then Stephen said, "We gotta talk about that bombshell Tom dropped last week." and she (and Mackey) immediately said, "No, we don't." She didn't want to talk about it. She still wanted her goddamn privacy!

But the host pressed. Of course he did. It was newsworthy, after all. “Come on. It’s an important topic. You two met on set?”

She sighed and I think I saw her roll her eyes a bit. "Fine. I’ll play. Yes, we met on set. I flew down from Vancouver and I was trying really hard to be invisible. Before Supernatural, I was really good at that whole wallflower thing. Tom noticed me right away, so I guess my chameleon circuit is blown." I didn't get the joke but some of the people in the audience did because there was a smattering of laughter. "And that's how you find the Whovians," she commented with a little smile. "Anyway, Tom commented on my character's name and then he asked me for drinks. A couple days later, I invited him to sing with me at a convention and we...haven't spent much time apart since."

Tom's face contorted a bit and then he scoffed at her. "That's amazing."

She looked down at her lap, something between shame and guilt on her face. "What is?"

"That a woman so adept at the written word could take all of the poetry out of our first encounter." She bit her lip as he turned to look at Colbert. "Her hair caught my eye. Her natural coloring, not the dye job she did to cover her character’s ginger hair. It's this Neopolitan shade, with highlights of light and lowlights of brilliant caramel, but as I passed her the sun hit her just right to showcase the firey red strands that are usually hidden. When I saw that the hue of her eyes matched the brilliance of her smile, I knew I had to get to know her. When she got so shy the first time I spoke her name…" He turned back to her and I knew she was blushing, even through the TV screen. Even from a few thousand miles away, I could see what she was hiding behind her hair. "Like she's doing right now...I determined that I would get her out on the town, have a few drinks, and learn everything I could about her. By the time we took the stage for karaoke, I was absolutely taken with her."

Stephen leaned forward, trying to see Y/n. “And keeping it quiet for the last, what 3 months, that was really her idea?”

Tom nodded. “Definitely. I’m not a man that keeps quiet about his affections.”

“He’s a big fan of the PDA.” Sebastian Stan chuckled. “You remember the Taylor Swift shirt?”

“And you’re not?” Colbert asked. That was a loaded question. I knew she would have loved PDA with someone she wanted everyone to see her with. She took it to a self-deprecating place, though.

"I mean, look, I'm almost thirty and that is ancient by Hollywood’s standards for women and I'm just now getting started in show business." If thirty is ancient, what the hell was I to her? "A year ago, I was a cashier or running a forklift at a Sam's Club back home. I'm not used to everyone knowing every little detail of my life. I'm not used to anyone caring to know about me." She shook her head. "I knew this relationship would be something people would be all over if they knew about it. I mean...he's Tom Hiddleston and I'm just...who the hell am I? Nobody. We've been together a few months. We're still in that early infatuation stage where everything’s great and there’s never been any problems. We haven't even had our first fight yet. In my experience, things can fall apart pretty quickly as soon as you're out of the honeymoon stage."

"That's not true." I hated how Tom smiled at her. "We fought over the Facebook post."

"That wasn’t a fight, Tom. The knock-down, drag-out arguments I had with my ex...those were fights."

Colbert seemed to remember his place as host and leaned forward again. "So when he said that you were giving him the opportunity to leave without anyone capitalizing on your drama, that was…"

“It was totally true, but it’s more complicated than that. It wasn’t like I was rooting for him to leave me, I just…I mean, look at him. He’s Tom freakin’ Hiddleston." I rolled my eyes at her words. "His last girlfriend was Taylor Swift, who has like 8 inches of height on me and millions of dollars and a squad of supermodel best friends. I’m short and chubby and have a kid. It would’ve been unreasonable and, frankly, arrogant to assume he would stick around. How could I possibly know there was something lovable about me?”

She said that like a joke but I wanted to scream. She was being so mean to herself. She was being downright horrible. Why wasn't Tom disagreeing? Why wasn't he building her up? Why did she seem more torn down and broken than when I  met her?

“Anyway, why don’t we talk about the dang movie?" she volunteered, obviously tired of being the center of attention. "Which I had very little to do with so you can talk to Monsieurs Stan and Mackey, who’ve been sitting there annoyed with the relationship talk.”

“I don’t know about ‘annoyed’,” Anthony disputed with a smile.

“Don’t lie, Mack," Sebastian said, chuckling. “No, we’re good. She’s cool. I mean, we just met her in the green room 'cause she’s been forcing Tom to keep her a secret from us, too, but she seems genuine.”

“I’m gonna point out that she’s an actor, too, though. We’re well-versed in hiding our crazy. Also, she’s from the South. Southern women are either the most genuine chicks you’ll ever meet…or the ultimate in crazy.” Anthony Mackey obviously knows his Southern women.

“I’ve met her family. If she’s hiding any craziness, it’s directly resultant from them,” Tom responded.

Colbert's eyes went wide just like mine did. “Oh, insulting the family on national television, not a good idea."

“Nah, it’s okay. They know they’re crazy," Y/n covered. "And we’ll go with Anthony’s assessment. I got damage, and I use my acting chops to hide a lot of it, but…I’m…”

Tom must've sensed her floundering because he reached out to take her hand again. “She’s amazing. She’s intelligent, she’s funny, she’s gorgeous and better than all that, she’s an unbelievable mother." He got to meet Nova. He got to meet Nova and I only ever saw her through a video chat. Why did that burn? "Her daughter, Nova, is an absolute dream and it’s square on this woman’s shoulders.”

She looked uncomfortable with the praise. Maybe she wasn't used to hearing it from him...or maybe just not in so public a venue. “Okay, that’s not true. Nova is awesome but I can’t take full credit on that. Also, please let some other topic rule the time we got left, please. This is a MCU promo, not a Y/n promo.”

“As long as you’re not giving credit to anyone who doesn’t actually deserve it.” He almost growled that one. He seemed to have a problem with her past. Her parents, her ex...only Nova seemed to be spared.

“Please, Stephen, ask about the Winter Soldier sequence," she begged.

She sat silently through the rest of the segment as the others spoke enthusiastically about their characters and the rumored TV show for the Falcon and Winter Soldier and the growth of both characters in relation to Steve Rogers. She kept her eyes on her lap, or on her hand clasped in Tom's.

Something wasn't right. There was something very wrong.

I wasn’t with her. I wasn’t lifting her up. He was failing her...but there was nothing I could do about it. I picked up my whiskey and downed it in one gulp.

[hacked-by-jake]

Imma done with duskwood lmao 😂 Too long waiting, I wrote my own ending and now I lost interest in duskwood xD I know they are a small group of developers but they must realize their fandom is slowly dying :( It's sad but it is the truth 🥺 I see so many duskwood writer going quiet or writing OG works....

Well, that's very sad. But I don't think the fandom is dying. Not at all. First of all, it's January, trust me when I tell you, it's always very quiet in January. It's a stressful time. While December for example is more way more active. People have more time and winter makes more people to stay at home etc. It's not unusual for this time. Nevertheless, I do understand a bit what you mean. Of course we're waiting for Moonvale for a longer time now, but I think it's understandable. At least, I was expecting a long time for it to come out.

And I'm pretty sure they're aware of it... I see enough people starting to hate on them, leaving mean comments on Instagram etc. They know we're all waiting and they also know people become more and more inpatient. And I guess it's for them as hard as it is for us. I don't know what is going on there at Everbyte, but I'm very sure if they could they would work faster. But I think they already use every possible second to work on it. I mean, for them it's their income, their way to earn money, I don’t think they can just put Moonvale aside and chill, haha. Maybe they even have a second job, I don’t know, we don't know about the circumstances. I'm repeating myself, but I am convinced that this situation is difficult for Everbyte as well. And I don’t think they themselves expected it to take that long.

Still, I understand what you’re saying and how you mean it, but now, I think losing interest in things is normal. It happens all the time. And especially since Duskwood has been finished for quite some time now, the hype disappears at some point, but with luck it comes back. I mean, have you ever watched a movie you really liked but then you had to wait 3 or 4 or even more years for the second part? You’re not as excited about the movie every single day as you were the first time. You wait, maybe you lose interest in time, as I said, it’s normal. When the film is released, when it is finally ready, the joy often comes back. The movie was released and then you can decide if you want to watch it anyway, if it is worth trying, or if you are not interested anymore. Both is possible. Of course it's sad if you're absolutely done with it but it's simply normal and I don't think you can do anything about it.

And whether there is a connection between Moonvale and the more frequent occurrence of original works that I can not judge. I rather think it's simply because it's way easier to reach people with writing fanfiction. So, you can write fanfiction, write things you enjoy a lot and then you're interested in writing something made by yourself from top to bottom. You already reached some people so if you're lucky, maybe they will also be interested in an original work. I know many writers who simply never dared to publish original stories. But if one persons starts to publish their work other might get the missing courage to do it as well.

And yes, it’s also true that many Duskwood writers don’t post that much anymore. Of course, it will also be due to the fact that everyone’s joy and the excitement decreases a little after a while. Just like it happened with you. And that's okay as well. But I can also tell you that some people don’t read as many Duskwood fanfictions as before, which can be very demotivating for writer. But it’s also that the time we live in is nothing but hectic and exhausting. So much is going on. Everyone has so much stress. Health problems became much more present. Time is simply the enemy for many, the exhaustion does not allow people to write because something else is always going on. But in every other fandom it is no different, absolutely not. But because the Duskwood fandom is so much smaller it just stands out much faster. It's much more visible.

It's just a hard time in general. :/

Please don’t get my words wrong. I don't want to sound mean or rude or anything. Really. And I do understand what you mean and sometimes I even feel similar. It's a pity you're feeling this way by now but as I said, it's nothing unusual. It's sad when you lose things that used to bring you happiness but I think you can do nothing about it. I just hope at some point your excitement will be back and maybe you're even going to play Moonvale. I think it is not good to force yourself to like something if you have really lost interest. And instead of Duskwood and moonvale, I hope you find something else to enjoy. 💚

Still, thank you a lot for sending this ask and especially for sharing your thoughts with me/us. It means a lot to me. And I hope the 'situation' will improve for you again. I hope you're doing good so far. Please take always care of yourself and stay healthy and safe. Have a good day/evening/night. 💚💚

[iolaussharpe-24]

Hiii, love your header ^^ anyways once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool!!)

Aw! Thank you! There's actually a pretty funny story behind that. I initially set up this blog to read more fanfiction and to support my favorite blogs. It was blank and was going to stay blank. Then, one of the ones at the top of my list blocked me because it was a blank blog. Cue panic mode. Now I post stuff and that blog unblocked me. However, I do think "scarily obsessive" is a perfect way to describe how I am with their fics. (I don't know if I should name them or not, because I love this person, but I don't know if this would be rude or not.) Their @ is in the comments of my pinned post with a bunch of other wonderful blogs I love; so please give those guys a look!

I have this game that I like to play with myself where I put in a dvd and the old previews then try to guess what movie's being advertised before it says. This game also works when channel surfing or coming into a room behind somebody else. Just walk into the room, look at the screen, and try to guess what's on before you can be told. Sometimes I can get it just from audio without looking at the screen in a couple of seconds.

When I was in kindergarten, a lot of people thought I was really smart (joke's on them) because I was HUGE into dinosaurs. There was a time when I was really little (before school) and I was in a Toys R Us looking at dinosaurs. An older kid came up to me and started talking to me and I just start naming things. Like, the crazy names I shouldn't have been able to pronounce. I'd go on rants identifying different types of ceratopsians on sight: triceratops, styracosaurus, protoceratops, centrosaurus and other things. I knew all of my sauropods and pterosaurs, and ichthyosaurs. In the second grade I had a grasp on the theory of evolution that rivaled my teacher's (but she was kind of dumb about a lot of things; I liked her but she had the entire grade level on her one time because she asked our class "Do you see the moon during the day? Of course not!"). Back in those days I wanted to be a paleontologist and I dressed up as one for career day. No one knew what I was supposed to be. Not even the teachers. Even though I was holding a real fossil and walking around with a picture of myself with Dr. Robert T. Bakker; an actual paleontologist I had the pleasure of meeting when I was young. He signed a few books of his I had, and I won a drawing of a deinonychus he did right there in that room while he was doing a lecture. I was so into dinosaurs that I made a book full of printouts from the internet. Kept it up for a few years and the binder is like two inches thick and FULL. I'm not into it all anymore, but I do still love dinosaur movies and shows and I did keep a lot of that information in my head. (I love the Jurassic Park/Jurassic World franchise, I loved 65, I grew up with Dino Riders and Dino Squad holds a very special place in my heart; just to name a few.)

I'm really good at REMEMBERING stuff. Not stuff you told me five minutes ago, I'll forget that in a heartbeat. But you ask me about my birthday fifteen years ago, I can tell you things people said to me word for word. Ask me about what I did when I was in school, I can tell you the classes I liked and hated. I can tell you what teachers made me feel like I mattered and which ones made me feel like the dirt under dirt BY NAME.

I love singing. I was in choir from fifth grade all the way through my senior year of high school. I did solos for a few concerts and events, and I can't not listen to music when I'm not talking to someone. I don't like silence. Even in the car, I'll be talking to someone and I'll cut myself off mid-word to start singing if the radio plays a song I like. I've been told that I would be good at Name That Tune.

Double edged sword: I'm very creative. My mind is always coming up with new scenarios and characters and worlds. BUT I'm not a good enough writer to put everything down so it all just rattles around in my skull like a maraca forever. Plus, because these things come to mind all the time, I tend to zone out a lot. When I say I think of stuff all the time, I mean ALL THE TIME. If you'd ever wondered why my blog is so chaotic, this is why. My train of thought is a rubber bouncy ball. An accurate representation of my brain is in Sharkboy and Lavagirl:

Thank you for sending me this! I'll admit, I'm pretty negative towards myself most times, so this took me forever to answer. I've been on it all day.

Plus, I accidentally misread the ask and wrote five very different answers because my eyes did not read "Five things you like about yourself" they read "five things about yourself" and I didn't catch the mistake until I started proofreading. So I had to start from scratch.

[mylittlesecrethaven]

But How Did It Get A Show So Fast?

Seriously though, Fourth Wing got a show waaayyy too fast.

For context, Fourth Wing came out on May 2, 2023.

Iron Flame came out on October 31st, 2023.

(Which, the books being released so close together is already astounding, making me wonder if Yarros already planned a second book or if she just rushed it. (The rushed idea would be weak though, given how big the book is, even if the plotline was extremely basic))

And the earliest article I could find is from Her Campus, published on November 16, 2023, talking about an earlier post from Variety (which I couldn't find) that talks about the book becoming a movie.

Also, as I read on the article, the entire book series was already being auctioned off to production companies before the first book was even released.

It's insane how this series has gotten so much popularity.

(I'm gonna go on an opinion rant below the cut, so read at your own discretion. And don't say shit unless it's constructive.)

Holy shit there's 3 more books on the way?

Why?

Just make it a trilogy and be done my god.

Just tie up the lose ends with Xaden becoming a Venin, fix the statue, figure out the entire corrupted kingdom thing, fix it, then have a few more sex scenes cause those seem important for some reason. (And I guess fix shit with Dain?)

Y'know what's stupid?

I found this book in the fantasy section.

Not the fantasy-romance section. (which is a nice thing to have in libraries)

And for those places that don't have fantasy-romance sections, I've read plenty of fantasy world books that have romance in them in the fucking romance section.

I FOUND A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES IN THE ROMANCE SECTION ONCE! (it was 1 library, but still)

The reason I read this series is that I've become invested. I found the first book and got the second as a gift. And the reason I don't read book in order anymore is to stop myself from becoming invested but here I fucking am I guess.

Look, the series is ok. I wouldn't read a shit book. But it's just so..... basic....

The plot points are predictable, there are several parts where it just doesn't make sense to include them or you can't understand what's really going on, and so many characters we're suppose to care about haven't been fleshed out enough to even glance at!

The romance was predictable as well. (I will say, the dragon sex leading to horny feelings was not expected though. Made me a little uncomfy, but it's whatev I guess.)

Also, and this might just be me, but people falling in love because they are being forced to have to keep tabs on each other or be close to each other or make sure the other doesn't die is just not a fun trope for me. It just makes me feel like the feelings are forced, and I don't like that. (I yet again bring up the horny dragons, cause like.... ew)

I guess the sex scenes are well written. It's strange that they take up so many pages, but if I'm in a mood, I get a well written scene I guess. (Although, I do like the writing of A Court of Mist and Fury on sex scenes because they aren't super long but they have plenty of detail. (I haven't read any of the other books in that series, so idk how the scenes are in those.))

*sigh*

It's an ok book.

And if you like it you like it.

I won't hate you for that.

But I'm gonna hate the book.

Because while it does have dragons

And fight scenes.

It's a fucking fantasy-romance, not a fantasy book.

And it can be done in 3 books.

And the series is probably gonna flop. (just an honest opinion)

Now, I've used all my energy making a rant nobody is gonna read, I'm gonna go sleep cause college stresses me out.

Have a good day.

And have a fun time reading.