#and now im home alone and crying because i didnt have the energy to go

[recents]

ive only been crying 20 min and i already have a headache from it

[helpme225]

i like being anyomous. i also can’t really spell. im just here for practice. to wonder and speak to get back my brain. the girl i was. around two years ago. i say i hate who i was, but maybe i miss her. maybe i miss being dramaless, wearing whatever big size i wanted, listening to music, free in my friendships because they weren’t that serious. my friend group was holding onto who i was. slowly letting me slip away because i was no longer like them. and i wasn’t suffocating. it wasn’t hard to type. the one thing i liked about myself was that i could write anything, in the tone i loved. in the tone i could never find in a single book. or maybe i just liked the library teacher because she was the only one who cared. she still saw the change in me, and just like my old friends, drifted. now i am just cornered in the hallway when i try to pass her. she asks me if i’ve eaten, because i look thinner. i look lost. i am unable to speak to her. and she sees it in my eyes. i no longer ask for specific books. i no longer even go into the library. but it used to be so easy. no one needed anything from me. i didn’t have to choose sides against people i just want to stick around. my mom wasn’t home, i could do what i want, and i had my dog. and i wrote and i loved it. and i was a girl. but i was 13. and someone always has to come into my life when they see me bare-faced and free, and take that. take my time, my energy. i drifted. i was scared. i was lost. it wasn’t meant for me. but a boy wanted what he wanted and i didn’t know how to love so eventually i hated him. i found love after him, and the second i was labeled his girl, something clicked. i didnt value my friendships, i was disrespectful, and i was entertained by people hating me. and there was barely a whole page written by me during that. but he didn’t touch me in school. he didn’t expect anything from out hangouts, he just held my hand in his and i didn’t have to kiss him. i wasn’t afraid to sit next to him. he didn’t feel like a stormy cloud. i felt like someone, i loved it. i loved talking and listening and having a opinion. but then he left, and i had no one. and he came back, and left, and created someone else, came back, and still says i don’t care how i used to. how i don’t care enough, but i do, just not in the way he thinks caring is. he wants me crazy when he leaves the house, he wants me to worry and get upset at him for smoking with out me, because that would “show i care.” it’s not. it never was. it’s suffocating. i dont know who i am. i dont know who i created. i just know i hate myself. the way i dont fit in. im not loud enough, my laugh is too quiet and the things that would have my brother folded laughing, doesn’t even make my bf chuckle. he doesn’t laugh at my jokes. he says he’s going to kill me. he walks away and makes me choose between him or my ride home. i dont understand how you could do that. i am just 15. i need a ride home. i have to say what i said i am going to. i cant ditch my friends for him and it’s what he wants. he doesn’t understand. he lets me cry. he doesn’t tell me goodnight when we’re tg. he plays victim, i cannot tell him what he’s done wrong or im going off on him. so we will never communicate. he is stubborn and mean to all of my friends. he expects me to walk out of their house the second he’s there. but he is sweet when we are alone. i dont wait for it to be over. he treats me roughly and i have to learn not to beg for what i need. like he is training me. i dont like it but he will rest his forehead on mine when he gets over it. he will look into my eyes and kiss my face. he will hold me and tell me he loves me. he’ll laugh w me and treat me like i’m pretty. he says sorry and i believe him. its one of the only times he’s sweet, is when he is sorry. and if that’s what i’m holding onto. i used to be myself. now i am just a part of him and he is of me. he’s just as attached to me. and i am not enough. he is not enough. and the only way out i see is suicide. i tried with his belt the night after we broke up. i might :(

[ghost-of-the-machine]

i feel. like bad? i need to get it off my chest!!!!

soo. okay i

i avoided my friends for like.. almost a month i guess. 22 days, the only reason i know that is cuz she counted. i didnt think she would, and i feel.. so much conflict. im avoidant when she brings it up, i dont wanna talk about it cuz i know she wont like what i have to say

she got drunk one night, like *really* drunk and she shared with me some pretty real feelings she probably wouldnt have otherwise. it hurt me, but i know she was hurting too. she *insisted* i speak about it, like. VERBALLY, anyone who knows me knows i fall short there. i

things have just been the way that they were for so long, i guess when it changed it was jarring maybe? ive been the loser. we're all losers, but i was the only one in my entire friend group who didnt have other friends outside of said friend group, but now i do!! and it makes me feel so happy, that i have so many friends i love so dearly yknow? but it makes me feel bitter that she doesnt like that

do you know how embarrassing it was? anytime i THOUGHT i had something good, id go and ramble happily about someone who i didnt realize id be LOSING in the next few months. embarrassing, shameful! but not this time

i guess me talking about it made her feel scared, but it upset me, because she got really upset when i told her i love all my friends equally.. i guess she didnt wanna hear that someone i met less than a year ago could be someone i love as much as her, which i get. i get how it sounds, but its not like that!! i love them UNIQUELY. she brings me things they dont, they bring me things she doesnt, im content and balanced and thankful for all of it

i handled it. poorly, i feel like i handled it poorly but i dont blame myself too much, im not known for this skill i guess. she started crying and it? it was like a joke at first but she was emotional cuz of the alcohol and it very quickly became not a joke, its the first time ive like.. heard her cry? and i felt bad that it was my fault and i really dont know how to comfort someone like that, its not a social skill i have upfront!!! over text its easy to collect my thoughts, but verbally? too much mental energy is being used on holding a conversation alone. but i also dont feel bad because its not WRONG for me to love my friends equally, i dont blame her for how she felt ofc

i didnt think i mattered so much to her, i guess. but she told me about it, and it made me... uncomfortable. like, TERRIBLY uncomfortable. thats why i did it, why i started focusing somewhere else. i came back suddenly, they were in the middle of playing a game and it felt so.. alien? like. it made me feel sick, this is my HOME and i felt like a stranger almost. i know 22 days isnt so long, but. idk, ive tried to keep in better contact, we are playing the games now, as we should!! but the truth is that after knowing it hurt her when i talked about my other friends, i just.. stopped talking about them, but i do things with them EVERYDAY, thats my day!! if i cant talk about them, i have nothing to say i guess

its bittersweet, ive sorta gotten back to being the unhinged loser they enjoy having around ig but i still dont talk as much as before, i dont want to because i dont wanna hurt her yknow? im HAPPY. im happy, so happy

she said she felt ashamed feeling the way she did, said she hates that shit but its still how she feels, i dont blame her. honestly?? its giving bpd like MY PERSONAL OPINION... with the way she described how she felt about me, i think shes one of us but. that adds a whole other layer, the discomfort i felt, is that how i make people feel? when im obsessed with them? when i feel like i cant exist without them? it feels so wrong to say things like this, shes my best friend, ive known her for years.. its just. we dont do emotions, i guess? and i think thats wrong of me cuz she expressed that she wanted it like that, she wanted to be open and vulnerable, and i didnt like it!!! we can do it over text sure, but.. sit and talk with me? she dmed me the other day saying like 'dommm we should vc, i wanna get drunk and have therapy again while you give me good advice'. i ignored her text, on purpose. usually its NEVER on purpose, if i dont respond you can bet like 100% i clicked the message, read it and then went back to what i was doing because i was distracted, or i have a really bad tendency of THINKING my replies and not actually sending them and being like yep. social interaction well done. but no, i ignored it on purpose. anytime she asks us "guys, yes or no..." i say no, cuz i know the question is if she should drink or not. i know she'll still drink anyways, i just leave early, pretend my new sleep schedule is the reason why, pretend im tired because it makes me uncomfortable still

im not good at it!!! i cant give her what she needs like THAT.. i cant have her sit there and tell me all her problems and cry, i CANT because i dont know how to handle it! like i genuinely have no idea how to handle that at all. over text i could probably manage just fine, but she wanted me to sit there, wanted my camera on and everything.. i felt like i really? i mean i TRIED, i did my best, i listened to her, i can always do that.. the problem is she wants advice, you will not get advice from me if im forced to physically speak. so i just feel like i let her down, yknow? i dont know

ive backed myself into a corner probably, im too scared to be open cuz she tends to forget the things she says when shes drunk, so maybe she doesnt remember telling me how she feels about me? i guess theres an added layer of discomfort, because like. when we were 18 i think? she drunkenly confessed that she had a crush on me and it felt really.. ive never seen her differently for that, you can absolutely trust. shes my best friend and i never pushed her away despite those feelings, i just had to tell her i didnt feel the same and it never came up again, and we've been fine! but, knowing how she feels about me now? it makes me uncomfortable because of that, its hard to describe. idk its a lot of mixed feelings!!!! nothing i could ever tell her, probably

and it made me feel horrible for all the times ive ever talked fondly about my friends, or the times i was breaking down so badly over them that i had no choice but to cry and wail in my channel, knowing literally only one of them probably would respond (which was true, they talked me thru it a little bit). thats where our emotional talk ends. i dont want to be emotional with someone i know physically, it stresses me out!!!! yes i love you so much, you are my entire world!! ill kiss yr hair and hands and we can cuddle, we can spend a whole day together and go out to eat, we can sit at home and play games, we can do all of it! but.. online its easy, im words on a screen. physically?

i hate to feel GUTTED. i hate feeling vulnerable, i hate feeling EXPOSED. that first time i went to therapy for fucking GENDER DYSPHORIA and our first session was *wasted*, wasted because i had to tell my mom that i wanted to kill myself. sinking in my stomach. all those times ive had traumatic response to them fighting, the fucking scars because of that, the times my family have seen the scars. IM TIRED imf ucking tired, i hate to feel that way. i hate being exposed i hate having my heart on display i hate it all!!! i hate someone knowing something about me, i wont let myself be pressured into sharing trauma and details, i want it SECRET. share yr trauma with me, thats FINE, but its like. idk i wanted that call to end to fast, it was completely out of my comfort zone and i feel GUILTY for that. im averse to change, i really hate change actually. i made a whole post talking about our dynamic and how i adored it, and then it was sorta flipped on its head? i stopped playing that little dragon game on roblox cuz i was playing that while we were talking and anytime i fly around looking for chests, the memory of that conversation comes back to me. i want to forget

we fit like a glove, we're back to how we always have been when we talk, but.. she mentioned it the other day. thats how i knew i was avoidant for 22 days, she told me she counted. i felt bad, cuz i hoped she wouldnt notice. i couldnt think of anything to say, other than "well.. i was monster hunting idk man" and she sounded upset with me when i said it. we moved on quickly but. im not made for that. what did she want me to say? whatever she wanted, i clearly didnt say it. idk i just feel lost, feel stuck and the worst thing?

i dont want to be exposed to anyone but them. like THATS the thing, maybe if i didnt have them then id be fine with it, but.. it makes me uncomfortable, feels like betrayal. they can see that side of me, no one else can because i dont WANT anyone else to. i trust them, i feel safe enough to be vulnerable around them, its a big step for me and one that i dont take lightly. its not her fault i dont feel safe, and lord knows i trust her!!! its just.. different. opening up is hard, i feel more.. understood? i guess you could say. idk its just. hard to describe. i love my friends so much, but my friendships are all UNIQUE and thats why i love them. talking to either is fulfilling!!! incredibly, in very different ways but still!

idk it just sucks i guess, it makes me sad that me talking about my happiness is a sore spot for her, ive never been happier in my whole life!!! but i know it probably hurts her that it wasnt her that gave me that happiness. theres nothing i can do about that!! she makes me happy in another way, one exclusive to her. we are so sillay in vc, its FUN i have so much fun with her, but i think that.. maybe by telling her that a while ago, i fucked up. i shouldnt have told her she was my BEST best friend, i shouldnt have i just get.. natural tendency to tell people what they want, avoid conflict.

it feels like it established an accidental conflict, one no one else knows about. did i make her think i loved her more than my friend? or my other friend? like it makes me sick, but you cant just BACK TRACK. i cant just say actually? like i love them also yknow. cuz that would hurt her probably, its like im fucked no matter what!!! sure we ahve good chemistry in vc, the best chemistry in that whole friend group when vcing, but? i used to refer to one of them as my spouse like. MUTUALLY, we were married platonically okay. the other one? i love him so much hes so silly and . GRGR like. i just hate this idea, but its all my fault it exists. no backbone. i love my friends EQUALLY. i have a lot of love to give everyone, it would hurt me so badly if i wasnt loved equally, thats why i love the way i do. i even told her, im INSISTENT with it. i refuse to love inequally, it would hurt people and i hate that!!! but. i hurt her regardless, its. IDK man its a lot im just airing this out, she'll never see this, none of them will. good

we can move on from this, we mostly already have. im just scared i might have to put my foot down a bit, and tell her that it made me uncomfortable, i dont want to put her in that situation but if we get there then we get there. we'll be okay im sure

[onmymasa22]

I am over the moon grateful to have been able to stay with family during the war. To be a jew anywhere is not simple right now, and its easiest to breathe in a home. And with that i am also really grateful to be If i wrote a book about falling in love with someone i cant have, the last lines would go like this:

You dont need to be angry with people. We have this idea that if someone wrongs ou, you are supposed to rave war. But just because i dont react, doesnt mean that what u did wasok. U r an idiot. I have moved on from that. How i react wont make you more or lessthat what i know u r. All it does is wastes my time. But make no mistake, kust be ause i choose not to respond to u,doesnt mean ur good.

And i told him, as chilly november wind blew, as we sat on the bus stop bench. 11am, a lit cigarette in my hand. I told him that i believed with my whole being that we would meet in a different lifetime. The feeling i got from him was that we knew eachother. An instant connection. He felt like a version of home. I knew that in a past life, we were married. We were so extatically happy together. That couple that disgusts you and simultaniously makes you believe in love. That kind of love. We were lying in bed, and you asked me if i thought we'd love eachother forever. And i promised that id love you for a thousand lifetimes. And here we are now. And i love you, im fulfilling a promise i made, but being with you is not going to happen in this lifetime

Im happiest when im there alone

Im in a mood of smoking weed with friends. Drinking vodka cranberry and watching a stupid movie.

Watch indiana johns something something lost ark... can someone explain to me why its known for being about good versus evil... the nazis are evil, but then the ark goes to the americans which is pretty mediocre... cuz indy wanted it to be something and america put it in the closet.

To everyone whos personality is empathetic but quiet. Where you're not going to post or talk about everyone you feel connected to. Those who fall apart from seeing pictures or images of people you dont eben need to know to feel as awful as anyone else. To those who are seasonally depressed anyway and the war doesn't help. To those who knowone will ever know just how many souls you connect to you because all you need is a voice, a picture, a video and you feel like you know them. To those who conside themselves a leg and the person who we lost an arm, who feel the loss, who understand how weird it is to be sorry for your loss,

I want a degree and then to get a job while looking for my dream job. I want a little apartment outside of the city.

Get a job

Live outside the city

Move in the summer

Get a job and work 4 times a week as a student

Live off of my money, start living my life

Work in rishon for the year- make up the classes

13&13 or 12&12

Weddings and funerals both have a special way of polarising people. You either know them or you dont. You were closer friends versus not so close. I always thought it was weird the feeling people get by being closer to an event, theres a justification that always happens where youre allowed to be extra happy or upset the closer you are. It sounds weird, but i always found the energies at celebrations and tragedies a curiosity. But for the empaths who feel it all but dont talk alot, who only need a video, a picture, a voice, to feel "unjustifiably" affected by a loss in our nation. Where you feel it all but noone says "im so sorry for your loss" cuz why should they. Where you find yourself wishing you knew them cuz then it wouldnt be so weird when you cry, people would just understand. Im gonna tell you: you are normal. Whether you knew the person, and whether you didnt know the person, wherever you are on that spectrum, i am so sorry for your loss.

You know as jews we kind of are a part of one body, and i might be a leg, and a lost person is an arm and i feel

Other girls might have been friends with a bunch of guys. Been really gross with guys. Bikinis on the beach, every night partying, friends and cars. India and sinai. Other girls might miss stuff like that. But do u know what i miss? I miss how i met ur mother marathons. I miss ordering pizza and eating way too much. I miss talking through greys anatomy about great scenes or whats medically correct. I miss going out to buy candy in onesies. I miss the one time drinking and watching the stupidest movie known to man. I slept so good that night. I miss the first time i ever smoked weed. I was in a bad mood, and the weed made me forget, and i stayed in a chill mood that whole night. I miss dancing on the kibbutz, we all secretly glt drunk at 10am and spent the day dancing. I miss the birthday party my pants caught on fire. We were under a bridge and it started raining and we were all soaked and just started dancing our butts off in the pouring rain at 3am. I miss the first day i felt pretty. The day i could look at myself and didnt want to hide in ramat gan. I miss the fireworks when the arab guy kissed me. The first guy i liked kissing me. Wjen he asked for my number. I miss my 21st birthday birthday where i felt so much gdly presence i was floating and gave out flowers at the hospital. I miss my first time in israel meeting the israeli soldiers. My life may not have the same amount of pictures as everyone. I dont care what i wore that day. But i had a spectacular life. Mostly i miss the calm of sitting abd eating pizza and watching tv with friends. Thats what i love the most. Ive had loud obnoxious in your face kind of adventure. Not the same adventure as everyone else. And maybe theure jealous of me- i had a crazy adventurous life. I lived in California knowing noone. I never really had an apartment- its too adulty for me. Its ok that their life seems so great. It isnt. I dint want it. I want my life. My life, with its regrets, is incredible. Its a story of a girl who knew it would get better. And then it did. It was spectacular.

A millionaire businessman needs to go to europe for two weeks. He goes to the bank and says id like to take out a loan for 500 dollars, im going to europe for two weeks. They need collateral so he says heres the key to my new jaguar. Ok, he goes to europe. Comes back two weeks later, back to the bank. He says whats the interest i owe they say 13.50. He gives them the 500 dollars back. He pays them the 13.50. He gets his keys back. The bank says mr businessman, if you're rich enough to have a jaguar, why did you need to take out a loan for 500 dollars? The business guy says where else could i have parked my car in Manhattan for 13.50 for two weeks

I want written on a teeshirt:

You can treat me like crap. You probably wont go up in flames or melt. Youll just have to deal with it in your next reincarnation while im in gan eden. But you are totally welcome to make the wrong decision. Thats you free choice.

I bought a perfume from giorgio armani a year and a half ago, my first time in italy. I wore it everyday and enjoyed smelling fresh- shampoo meets counter cleaner. I loved it so much that this past summer i finished the 80 dollar bottle. For me, perfume and mascara are an everyday thing that helps me feel alive and ready to go out. Before going out, i spray it on, and my favorite compliment is man, u smell good. I havent worn perfume for months. Definitely since the war started, its turned life upside down and i really havent thought about perfume. It seemed so vain. But for my birthday, i got a new bottle of the same lemon counter cleaner perfume, and i sprayed it today,and it just makes me so happy. Happy thati have t been in a while. Its like the perfume makes me feel ok. Like im ok. I can start the day. It just made me fall inlove with myself, and remember when life was just going about the day, hanging out with friends, late night car rides, dinners, sweaters, going to school, thrift shopping, beach days. When i felt ok. This is so important. It was a birthday that i wish i could tell myself the last like 4 birthdays- u will hve a birthday that makes up for all of it. Not because its some blow out birthday,but it actually was my favorite birthday since i was 20 and gave out fowers at the hospital. This birthday was just good. I took it gracefully. I wanted cupcakes and perfume. Guy texted me and that made me feel the best. Some friends wrote on my facebook page, some friends texted me. I just was quietly happy. Guy saying when can we meet up really made my day. I just felt loved by people likd i deserve the best. A guy will comd who deserves me. Who loves everything about me. Who will accept my faults and i can be honest with. Someone who sees me for who i am. Maybe i am someone who affects people around me. Im someone people remember.

Why do people have free choice to be an ass.

[chlorinejello]

An email I won’t send to my english teacher:

i remember when you told me it was okay to vent in you mail. you have no idea how much i need this right now; i also remeber you said you wouldnt read it so if you do, please dont tell me you did.

how do we deal with emotions when were too ashamed to share them? i have a willing support system yes i keep choosing to stay quiet over talking about everything thats on my mind. i don't want to be an inconvenience, i don't want too be extra. because the truth is i feel like shit but maybe this is something everyone deals with and im being a pussy. then im just being pathetic in front of people for no reason, yknow? sounds crude but thats the way i feel. i had a dream last night i was staying at a beach house i went to with my family when i was little, everyone was there and my dad let my dog out through the front door. I yelled at him to let her back in becuase shed get lost, and he replied "We have to let her go." Then she just walked away; at the moment it made sense to me, so i walked back inside. Then I caught a sort of conciousness, I realized she was here, she wasnt real but she was here and I ran out after her. I ran as hard as i could, as hard as i knew she wouldve ran at the first chance to have a free space and i caught up to her by the shore. Some of my aunts were already there, they said something about me going after her "...again, like always."

She ran into the water with me trailing right behind her, i woke up before i got to the deep end. Nothing is the same when you lose a love that pure, that close to home. I lost her and I feel like I have no home; I come back to a house, and a bed that isn’t my own. My bed is always covered in fluffy white dog hair, especially the top left pillow where she sleeps. This bed smells clean, no trace of you anymore. Ive broken down twice today and made my poor boyfriend late to work because he knew i didnt want to be alone. He usually takes me to school, and this morning my mom left extra early, so i was home alone at the time. Worst part? Couldnt get the words out. I planned out how id vent and feel better but its the same everytime, im blocked off by the thought of my feelings being an inconvenience, or not important enough to vent and take someone elses time and energy because of. Im tired of carrying all this pain and guilt with me everywhere i go.

i run as fast as i can from my mind but i just keep running into myself, all the ways i fail myself and others, then have the gaul to sit and cry about it, to feel bad instead of becoming better. I feel and havent done enough for the ones around me to share my pain. But between you and me; yo extraño a mi cosita demasiado y pienso en ella todos los dias. Tengo miedo que sea debil, miedo de decir como me siento y que nadie entienda, que quede como inventora. Siento que para sentirme como me siento me debio haber pasado algo horrible, porque algo no puede acabar de abrir la puerta para que todo lo que tengo adentro salga? o algo horrible tal vez no me ayude, tal vez solo se añada al vaso de lagrimas que tengo en mi corazon. Porque mi dolor me ahoga si no creo que sea tan profundo para volverme loca? Porque si no siento que merezco llorar, sufro tanto? Si lo entendiera, cambiaría ? Dime si estoy perdiendo mi tiempo buscando una respuesta en vano, para si no me sirve, perder el tiempo dibujando en vez de.

[miraeluc]

you’re suffering alone

prompt: “kageyama knows you as his little ray of sunshine, but what does he do when he finds out how you really feel?”

pairing: kageyama x female! reader 

word count: 3k

warnings: MAJOR tw!!! depression, again major tw self harm, reader cries a lot when kageyama finds out, reader’s mom is dead lol i went all out 

genre: fluff, angst

you were always their little ray of sunshine

when you first joined the school a year ago and introduced yourself all excitedly

hinata ran to tanaka after that class

“we need to convince her to be our manager!!!!”

tanaka was down lol

it didn’t take long to convince you, you were looking for extracurricular activities to engage in anyway 

the conversation went a bit like this

“y/n-san! do you want to be karasuno’s volleyball team manager?”

“sure!”

“we swear it- did you just say yes?”

“...yes”

cue tanaka and hinata screaming 

after you became their manager it didn’t take you and kageyama too long to fall in love either 

he adored the good vibes you brought with in any room you stepped in and you enjoyed the calmness that came with him (except when hinata’s around to annoy him, pretty boy radiates ᵃⁿᵍʸ energy then lol)

poor boy didn’t know that what he felt towards you until he had the whole team screaming at him to ask you out 

so he did 

and so you ended up here, 10 months into dating kageyama and 12 months into being karasuno’s manager along with kiyoko and hitoka 

everyone found it a little weird that you were always the one to stay the longest out of everyone, but everyone assumed it was just because you genuinely enjoyed being there

which you did, don’t get me wrong

that just wasn’t the only reason.

no one actually knew why you had changed schools in the middle of the year

every time someone asked you pushed it off, claiming your old school just wasn’t working out and started babbling about how much you love being at this school and how glad you are to have found real friends like them

“time for a break, i brought food!!”

you held the bags of food up, getting tackled in a gross sweaty hug by nishinoya 

“it’s like you heard my stomach calling out for you, y/n!!! you’re my saviour!!!”

you immediately laughed 

“i know, noya, now get off, you’re sweaty” you cringed a little and he got off, a little offended but he quickly forgot about it and snatched the bags 

you were all sat on the ground, everyone eating quietly when hinata started complaining about his mother nagging him to focus a little more on studying 

that’s how everyone started talking about their mothers, somehow everyone having a little to complain about 

“what ‘bout you, y/n? you have nothing to remark about your mom like our little crybabies here?” daichi looked at you

everyone whined at that,, “we’re not babies!!”

you tensed up at the question before relaxing and smiling 

“nope! my mom is perfect.” you giggled

“woah, i wish!! you need to introduce me to your mom, y/n!!” 

noya was very invested in your mom being perfect, lol

you see

kageyama here is very observant, whether it be on the court or just, well, people in general

he saw you tense up for that split-second, not pressing it further 

he knows you most likely aren’t ready to talk about it 

now that he thinks about it, you never talk about your family

he’d love to know but he understands that you’ll come to him when you’re ready to tell him and he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by nagging you about it

“i’ll introduce you to her, noya” you giggled

his face lit up and he nodded before the topic changed again and you could now also speak to them about how annoying and hard math class is

fr tho i hate math 

after they were done eating no one could move anymore, let alone practice

hinata tried

keyword tried 

he threw up....

no one else even wanted to practice after that - opting to clean up and end practice for today instead

“kageyama, ill head out a bit early today, i’ve got some stuff to do” you said

you startled the shit out of him because he was just bringing the last volleyball to the cart

“HO- oh.” he stopped himself from screaming and turned to you 

“alright, just take care..” he mumbled, ruffling your hair which made you whine and fix it 

you hate when he does that 

he thinks your reaction is adorable

you scoffed and pulled him down to your height to plant a little kiss on his cheek 

he blushed, pda isnt for him

you loved his soft side so much 

nonetheless he smiled at you and straightened up again 

“call me if anything happens” he cleared his throat 

baby was a little awkward with stuff like this 

you didn’t mind though

you nodded and smiled “will do!”

and off you were lol 

hinata then popped up infront of kageyama 

“what’d you do to her!?!?!?! she never leaves early!!!!!!!”

kageyama pushed him away by the head 

“she just has stuff to do, shut up.”

“hey, mom..” you smiled lightly as you sat down 

“nishinoya is really looking forward to meeting you! the whole team asked about you today.. today was an ok day, i was pretty distracted all day so i didn’t have the time to feel sad again.”

...

you sighed

“but, you know, it’s been getting harder lately. it seems that getting out of bed to get to school is getting harder.. i love making everyone happy, but it’s hard being the provider and never getting something in return. sometimes, when things get hard, i just want to drop everything. i want to stop acting so bubbly and happy, but i know you wouldn’t want me to lose my smile.”

you stood up 

“i’ll get going then, i love you.”

you placed the flowers down on the grave before you, staring down at it with a sad smile before making your way home, yet again 

the next day you showed up to school as you usually did, taking your seat next to kageyama after greeting him like usual 

you were having a conversation with hinata

it was too early for kageyama to speak 

everyone was confused when you didn’t show up to practice that day

kags(｡◝‿◜｡) , 2:47pm: are you not coming to practice?

y/n, 2:49pm: no baby, i’m sorry :( i really can’t tODAY, im so upset over it 

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:50pm: did something happen?

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:53pm: y/n?

y/n, 3.26pm: nope, i just have some stuff to do at home  (╥﹏╥)

the next day you showed up like usual again, this time attending practice too

just like that the days seemed to go by in a blur for you 

day by day you felt yourself breaking more 

day by day the scars on your hips multiplied 

and day by day it got a little harder to make the room light up when you stepped inside 

it was after practice and it was only you, nishinoya and kageyama left 

“hey, y/n, can i finally meet your mom today??”

he was pressing around so much about it 

you smiled and shrugged,

“sure, i bet she doesn’t mind a visit”

“can i come too?” kageyama asked timidly and you nodded 

“of course.. it’s about time.” you smiled 

your eyes were a little glassy 

he frowned

nishinoya was too busy getting excited over meeting the first ever perfect mother to notice and he began dragging you out “let’s go then!”

he was pulling you to the direction of your place before you abruptly stopped

“ah-ah, i didn’t say i still live with her, did I?”

you had both boys confused now and you started walking into the right direction

you intertwined your fingers with kageyama’s

he squeezed your hand a little 

he knew you needed a little support 

only did he not expect you to lead them to the cemetery

nishinoya’s smile dropped when you actually entered the cemetery 

he saw it but he expected you to walk past 

you stopped in front of your mothers grave 

“there she is.” you let out a sigh 

kageyama felt his heart drop 

“wait, y/n, i’m so sorry for pressing this so mu-”

kageyama pulled you in a tight hug, shaking his head at the boy, who now went quiet 

he felt so horrible

you were trying so hard to hold your tears back, looking at noya

“don’t worry, you didn’t know.” 

you still smiled at him 

kageyama then spoke 

“it’s best if you go home, don’t you think?”

he didn’t even sound angry at this point 

nishinoya nodded and left 

he really felt so bad 

you couldn’t hold back and broke out in tears after

this was the first time you cried in front of your boyfriend 

he didn’t expect it to hurt this much 

hearing your little sobs break through you 

he could feel his own heart breaking as he tightened the hug 

neither of you said anything

he just let you cry into his chest 

he didn’t need to tell you he was there for you with words

he told you through gently patting your back as you cried

he told you through not judging you when you cried like this 

even when it started raining and the rain was slowly seeping through both of your clothes he didnt loosen his grip on you 

he let you finish crying 

however long it took 

and when you finally looked up at him, only the moon’s light illuminating your face, he felt his heart break, again, at the sight of your puffy eyes and red nose

he wanted to protect you from all bad things, forever.

“gosh, i’m sorry, it took me so long to stop crying..” 

he shook his head and pecked your forehead quickly “no. you didn’t.”

“..is this why you always avoided talking about your mother?”

you nodded, looking down at her grave, the flowers you placed there two days ago already droopy

you then looked up at him again 

“thank you, for.. supporting me..”

nishinoya apologised about 27 times when he saw you 

you kept reassuring him that it was alright but he felt so bad 

he felt so bad he couldn’t even properly play that day 

daichi sent him home early

“come back when you dont have two left legs!!!”

practice ended soon after that anyway 

you sat on a bench, filling out the last bits of your homework so you didnt have to do it at home, not even noticing that it was just you and kageyama left until he called out to you 

“hey, y/n, mind throwing me some balls? i’m not tired yet and i want to keep practicing”

you happily helped

you admired his determination to get better daily

it was refreshing, seeing him so passionate about volleyball 

how couldn’t you help when he asked like that

that’s how he was now practicing as you were talking 

“can you come over tonight?”

you furrowed your brows

“but it’s a school night?”

he shrugged “i don’t care. you haven’t been at my place for three entire weeks! i only see you at school, i miss you.” he was honest

he really missed you and he wanted to know what was up with your lame excuses every time he asked 

you then nodded 

“alright then, i’ll come.”

whilst he was busy drinking water you tried ‘passing’ the ball (at which you horribly failed)

“look, i’m a better setter than you!”

he chased you down lol 

you took him by surprise when he finally caught you, grabbing onto your hips, followed by a loud intake of breath and a wince from you

fuck

well

he obviously immediately let go

“y/n. what’s wrong?”

you sighed and turned towards him

“um.. i.. hit my hip earlier today..?” you trailed off and he immediately knew that you were lying 

honestly, he kind of had an idea of what it was 

he just didn’t want to think of that possibility

he might be a bit slow, but he’s not stupid 

he has a slight idea why you haven’t been coming over

he notices how the circles under your eyes have gotten darker 

he notices how you sleep in classes, which is something you never do 

and he’s so, so worried 

but he’s scared to approach you 

he’s scared to confirm his worst fears 

he shook his head at you “don’t lie.”

you sighed softly “kageyama, it’s nothing.”

you avoided his gaze and he shook his head again, now unable to hold back from speaking 

“no, y/n. you’re not okay, i know you’re not. i know that you struggle every day and i know you don’t like speaking about it, but i just can’t keep watching you suffer in silence, i do give you your space, but not when it truly concerns your well-being to the point i cant touch you or see you as often as i’d like to!” 

he stopped and took a deep breath, shaking his head 

“let’s go home first, i want to talk about this in a place i can do more for you.”

you were speechless

you never had expected him to notice anything, let alone speak up about it 

you were so lost in thought you let him drag you to his room quietly 

you snapped back to reality when he was unlocking his door, walking inside when it was open - you following 

you sat on his bed, still not knowing what to say

how the tables turn, usually its kageyama being the quiet one and you being the one to fill the silence with unnecessary babbling lol 

he looked at you, uncertainty swimming in his eyes

“can i see?”

you immediately knew what he was talking about, looking down 

you pondered over it a little before nodding

he crouched down before you, looking up at you 

“you know you can trust me, right?”

you furrowed your brows “of course”

“you don’t need to hide your feelings from me, baby, i love you through all of your emotional states, i love seeing you happy but i like comforting you when you feel sad too, you mustn’t hide your feelings.”

your eyes filled with tears at that one sentence

i love you through all of your emotional states

“thank you..” you sniffled

“i mean it. it hurts me when you hide it, it makes me feel so helpless, i don’t want to watch you crumble before my eyes, please, talk to me..”

“i just feel so hopeless, kags.. my heart feels so dull lately.”

you finally let in

“it feels like every single day repeats itself and all of my responsibilities are so hard to fulfill..it’s so hard turning up to school, bringing positive energy with me when all i feel is my sadness taking over my entire self bit by bit.”

he was listening, now sat on the floor before you, chin resting on your knee as you spoke

“but you’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness except yours. i don’t like when you prioritise others before yourself, y/n.. i don’t say it often but you’re truly so important to me and i don’t want you to lose yourself only because you try to make others happy.. it isn’t worth it, we love you for you, i can assure you, no one from our group would judge you for feeling down, we all have bad days, gosh, we all have bad weeks or even months! hiding these feelings will only worsen your pain and lead you to.. do irrational things..” he said, fingertips tracing over your hip gently

“let me see first and then we’ll talk about how we’re fixing this, ok?”

you sniffled and nodded, letting him pull the side of your pants down enough to reveal to him what he feared most 

seeing the cuts scattered on your skin broke him, truly.

he gulped and stood up, leaving to get you a pair of his shorts

“put these on, this way i can tend to them better.” he said, wanting to clean it up first before telling you his thoughts about it 

you nodded and changed into the shorts, him trying not to break down there and then as he left to get some stuff

when he came back you were patiently waiting for him and let him clean the cuts with some alcohol (not without complaining at the stings) before he bandaged them up as best as he could

he then laid down and pulled you with him, hugging you

“oh my precious y/n..” he mumbled

he was hugging your head to his chest to hide the fact that he was tearing up 

he wanted to help you so bad but he knew exactly that he couldn’t just end your suffering and it hurt him 

“but why? why do you do that to yourself?”

his voice cracked when he asked and you looked up, realisation hitting you 

you hurt him so bad by doing this.

the person you loved and cherished most 

“it felt like the only escape”

he caressed the top of your head

“pressuring you into stopping won’t help and isn’t worth it, but please, when you feel like.. doing that, call me instead. i’ll be at your place in no time and- even if you don’t want to talk i can just hug you and keep you company-”

you cut him off by pressing your lips against his

“i will, baby. i’ll call you whenever i feel down from now on”

he nodded “thank you”

he was thanking you as if he wasn’t the one helping you right now

you now hugged him back, “i’m sorry for not saying earlier..”

he hummed “lets just lay here. you’ll get better, i promise.”

he kept his promise

ever since that day, he’s been calling you morning and night, making sure you felt good waking up and going to bed 

he often called you through entire nights

he made you slowly start to understand that your purpose wasn’t to make anyone happy but yourself

he made you realise you were more than a mere person that’s always happy

and he made you understand that showing your feelings wasnt something to be embarrassed about 

(the entire team was very supportive too when they found out you were struggling! kageyama didn’t explain the details though)

so yep.

you had kageyama and a bunch of friends that were supporting you 

and for the first time, you felt hopeful for the future, your mother watching over you proudly after years of struggling and even having to move schools for a fresh start

she could now rest easily, knowing your guardian angel found his way to you and won’t ever leave you.

a/n: YALL I MADE MYSELF EMO WITH THIS ONE:( i hope you enjoyed it & please leave comments about it! 

[symphonicmetal101]

Babysitting in the Devildom

Chapter Six: Beel- Dinner Indifference

"Beel n-"

Solomon had to cast a teleportation spell before he could even finish his sentence. Beel's wings fluttered furiously as he burst through a portal and into Solomons arms instead. He immediatly clamped down on Solomons shoulder and started to chew. Solomon sighed as he watched his cloak get drooled on, big violet eyes watching him back as more of the cloth disappeared into his mouth.

Solomon paused. Should he take Beel to you? You seemed to know what you were doing but you also already had Asmo and portioning out food for the rest of the kids...Beel would be in the presence of food either way. He glanced back down and the chipmunk-cheeked Beel and considered trying to take the cloak out of his mouth.  Buuuuut if Beel cried again it was his fault, again...but he really shouldnt be eating fabric...not that it would ruin his appetite but-

He was running out of time to make a decision as the delivery person made their way back to the door. Beel seemed content eating his cloak for now. Beel would be fine, right? Yeah- its Beel. Solomon tightened his grip just slightly on the baby as he approached the front door again, ready to take the bags.

He should have taken Beel to you.

It was like fighting Taz from Looney Toons as Solomon stumbled about, half eaten cloak and a blur of movement around him as he used small portals to keep the bag of food away from Beel.

Barbatos had walked into the kitchen with Luke, wondering if he could help somehow. You had taken Luke from him and used one hand while also sometimes directing him on how to help you while Asmo followed behind him to make sure each plate "looked pretty". Everything was going really well....until the other bag of food appeared suddenly in your free hand and you heard a demonic screech come from the hallway and a loud buzzing noise which was curiously silenced soon after, though Asmo had given you wide berth after hearing that. You sighed and asked Barb to continue portioning things and to go tell the rest of the kids that if they had to go to the bathroom, the time was now. You held Luke close to you as you ventured just outside the kitchen doors and nearly bumped into Solomon.

".....I can expl-"

"Why is Beel eating your clothes?"

You didnt really want to laugh for fear of waking Luke up, but a wide silly smile bloomed on your face as you watched Beel use both his tiny fists to stuff more of Solomons cloak into his mouth, wide eyes staring at you as he cooed a bit and continued to stuff his face, Solomons cloak almost gone.

Solomon had a combination of exasperation and amusement on his face. "Uh...well I didnt want him to cry or attack the food- o-or you so I.....I fed him my cloak."

"....wHY? Earlier you were summoning food for him- you could have done that again right- or multiplied the food we already have even if he ate the bags worth of food-"

You were still smiling, the whole situation a little ridiculous as Beel finished Solomons cloak and started to sniffle, pouting and making grabby hands to the air for more.

Solomon paused before a goofy smile spread across his face as he summoned a popsicle to give to Beel. "I. Dont. Know." He laughed a bit before smiling fondly at you. "This is why you're the one in charge." He started to walk past you into the kitchen, but not before a quick kiss was planted on your temple and a small smirk at your expression was given to you. You gave yourself a moment before joining him and Barb, and a slightly startled looking Asmo.

".....can I have a posicle before dinner too?"

Asmo looked up at Solomon, pleading who just shrugged. "Thats not up to me." He looked at you and smirked a bit. *Motherfucker*

Asmo gasped and skipped his way to you, big, pleading amber eyes as he batted his eyelashes. "May I have a posicle before dinner too please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

It was too much. From the way he asked politely, to the way he said popsicle, to his little pose and big ole eyes-

You looked around the table of happy faces as all the kids destroyed popsicles that Solomon had summoned for them, all save for Beel, Barb, Diavolo, and Lucifer untouched food in front of them.

"POPSICLES FOR DINNNNNERRRRR!"

"They said we still have to eat our food if we want to have dessert tomorrow."

"But I'm not hungry anymore..."

"....I guess I can try to eat some food but Im full from the popsicle..."

"LOOKIT IM PUTTING MY FRIES IN MY ICE CREAM!  But I aint havin the green stuff, thats yucky."

"You're yucky Mammon."

"HEY-"

"My father would NEVER let me do this!! Thank you MC!!!!"

A chorus of thank yous came from all of the kids, luckily before another fight. You sighed softly and forced a small smile as you said "youre welcome". You figured they wouldnt eat their food if they had popsicles. The bigger kids had eaten their food, and Beel had no problem eating his portion and Belphies who....oh. Belphie was sleeping in his mashed potatoes. You glanced around the table again, noting all the sticky faces and hands and...bodies in Satan and Luke's case. Solomon looked exhausted as he summoned another piece of food for Beel. Asmo was trying so hard to eat some more of his food but only ate a few more bites and looked a little upset. Mammon had eaten his fries, at least.

".....if youre full, give your food to Beel. Dont make yourself eat anymore, its ok. I just need to talk to Sol for a minute, ok?" You smiled as you walked to take Belphie out of his highchair and gestured to Solomon to put Beel in. He was a little confused but did so as you wiped some of the potatoes off Belphies face.

Levi spoke up very quietly. "Can we still have dessert tomorrow if we didnt finish our food for dinner?" The sound of plates being pushed towards Beel paused as the kids all looked at you, waiting for an answer.

".....it depends on how well you eat your breakfast tomorrow.." you smiled as the kids thanked you again as you asked Barb and Lucifer to make sure Beel didnt eat the actual plates as you took Solomon and Belphie into the kitchen.

"How are you feeling...you look exhausted.." geniune concern on your face once you had Solomon basically alone. His face twisted slightly and he sighed. "I had hoped the rejuevenating spell I casted would re-energize me more than it did...why? Are you worried?~" he smirked slightly, though it fell just short of smug. You rolled your eyes a bit and ruffled is hair, your turn to smirk as his face turned light pink and started to protest, pouting when you stopped, though you werent sure if it was because you stopped or because you ruffled his hair in the first place. You stopped his protesting by asking your next question, also avoiding answering his question. "Do you have enough energy to clean all of them or am I going to bathe them in an actual bath..."

"....I? It should be we..."

"Well if you're tired you should rest...I'll need your help tomorrow too..."

"I can sleep after the baths..."

"But if we're doing the baths then I need you to cast one last spell to keep the water in the tubs..."

"So I'll sleep after that spell...maybe..."

You gave him a withering look before sighing, though appreciative of his stubborness....for once. You smiled a bit.

"Alright then. Bath time. Especially for the babies. The bigger ones can probably just shower.... Belphie, Luke and Satan need baths the most. Beel made sure his food ended up *in* his mouth....the others..." you chuckled as you peeked back into the dining room, seeing only Barbatos' face clean, and Lucifer and Asmo both fussing over the little mess they had on themselves, Lucifer using Asmos mirror, and Asmo following Lucifers every action to get clean. You brought your attention back to the sleeping Belphie in your arms.

"....do you think he'll stay asleep for bath time?"

"Its Belphie. He could sleep through anything."

"Dont jinx it." You sighed softly and looked out at the kids again, some playing tag, others just watching. Satan continued to mash his food onto the platter in front of him, Luke giggling and copying in glee. Solomon tapped your shoulder to get your attention again.

"Are you ok? The bags under ypur eyes could hold all my potions-"

"Shut up- maybe if a certain sorceror had been more careful I wouldnt be as tired....not to mention the popsicle before dinner was a bad mov-" you were interrupted by Barb lightly tapping your arm.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I was just wondering if you want me to wash the dishes or just leave them in water in the sink....or if you have a dishwasher..." you were a little surprised when you turned and saw him carrying all the dishes from the table, and Lucifer behind him with garbage. Simeon was wiping down the table with a cloth, but gave the younger ones in high chairs some room. Diavolo was trying to talk to Lucifer, who just kinda kept nodding and saying "oh thats cool" before looking at you almost desperately. His look brought you back to your senses as you nodded at Barb.

"Just in the sink with water is fine, thank you Barbatos. Thank you for cleaning up Lucifer, Simeon. It makes a huge difference to me."

Barb and Simeon beamed, and Lucifer managed a small smile before shooting Diavolo a dirty look, but the other boy didnt notice, too busy rambling on about how this was so much better than home for the upteenth time. Ypu ruffled Lucifers hair as he walked by, and noted Diavolo's slight stumble in words as he eyed you a bit, but rushed past to go talk to Barb, glancing back at you, almost pleading, though your attention was divided again as you felt Levi hug you and snuggle into your side wordlessly. You patted his head softly and turned back to Solomon.

"I'll answer that question later. For now lets clean up. Then bath time."

Levi squeezed you a bit and beamed. "I love bath time!! I can do it myself! I promise, I can! I can!"

Though Levi couldnt see it, Mammon was mocking him from behind. You gave him a bit of a "look" before the hem of your shirt was being tugged at and you were met with those same amber eyes that had persuaded you into giving everyone treats for dinner. "I love bath time too! Me too! But you have to watch me. I make great bubble hair dos! A-and guess what? In the water, it might look like I have legs, but really Im a mermaid!"

"And Im a sea dragon!!" Levi cried out, still wanting your attention. "And Asmo, you're not really a mermaid-"

"Am too!"

"Are no-"

"Everyone can be who or whatever they want to be, in the water or otherwise. Fooooor example, I'm actually a sheep, see I go baaaaa" you smiled softly, and winked at Levi before turning to Asmo again who was practically dancing at your side, bursting to ask you a question. "Whats the prettiest animal you like mc?!!!"

"....whats your favourite sea animal mc?"

"Whats the coolest animal mc! No wait- whats your favourite animal?!"

"Yeah, whats your favourite animal?!"

"Oi, I asked em first!"

"Guys its ok, you can all be my or your favourite animal. Theres more than one of each." You chuckled, listing off animals as more questions were asked, meowing at Satan as you handed Belphie to Sol and took him out of his chair, who happily meowed back as you lead your noisy little zoo to the communal bathroom.

Masterlist

[commanderserwin]

just like him.

⤅ pairings: erwin smith x reader

⤅ genre: lil angst? and fluff!

⤅ count: 4.3k

⤅ request: Okay i kno now!! Can I request for an Erwin x Reader fic wherein Erwin didn't know he have a son (a carbon copy of him!!) with reader 'coz she hide it since she wants Erwin to focus on his dream and humanity. But one day Erwin knew about his son and confronted reader about it! Hahahahha its still about erwin tho well im called erwin simp anon for a reasoooooon!!!😂😂 Also i imagine levi be like "I didnt kno your pull out game is that weak" 😂😂😂 fuhck

⤅ a/n: for my erwin simp,,, yesh,,, here you go !!! i hope u like it!!!!!! mwa mwa mwa!! ♡♡♡

If you were being honest with yourself, mornings before were something of a rarity to you. Mornings were the evenings— the hours when you will be walking home, quiet footsteps through the creaking floorboards in the apartment building, the hurried fishing for the keys as you craved for your bed. Two years after, mornings were filled with tears and frustration as you listened to the baby cry from the other room, while you cried yourself because all you want is sleep. Still, you flung yourself off of the bed, lighting a candle instinctively as you padded towards the crib where the baby immediately stopped crying at the sight of you. 

Caz would coo at the feeling of your knuckles rubbing him on the cheeks while he nibbled on his fingers, his saliva getting everywhere on his pajamas but it didn’t matter to you. His blue eyes would calm you down, the tears of frustration gone as he babbled, his arms reaching out for you. He only wanted to be held, and you did so. You heaved him up, settling on the chair against the wall as you leaned on it. Caz held on to your shirt, immediately closing his eyes as he went to sleep holding you. 

Now, mornings were made for you chasing around that rascal as he ran for his life around the little apartment. 

Caz run his energy around, refusing to put on a shirt despite the great morning ahead. It was going to town day. He’s getting bigger, his clothes are getting smaller, his mittens are getting ragged, and his appetite is getting bigger as the days goes on. His heaving pants would be heard around the apartment as he finally settled on the small pile of toys. 

You knelt down in front of him, unfolding his tiny shirt before him, as he watched with a toothy smile. Caz avoided your attempts of holding him, but he still clutched on your shirt just like before. And with that, you have successfully clothed your son. 

“Fruits, new shirt, new scissors,” you listed as you inspected Caz’s long bangs as it covered his eyes. “Town day.”

“... day,” he repeated, snaking out of your hold as he played. 

“Town day, Caz,” you rubbed on his cheeks as he minded his own business playing with the same toys you have gotten him over the two years. He babbled as he played, completely tuning you out while you brushed your trousers clean as you stood up. “We’ll go to town, let me just clean up. I’ll get you a new toy.”

Caz squeal loudly at the mentioned of toy, making you tear up as you felt sorry for having him leave him to the same toys ever since. “Maybe two.”

When he didn’t answer, you bent down again to kiss his forehead. “I’ll be back.” 

The way to your room, or whenever you would be alone with yourself, you didn’t miss to think about him. 

Two years before, it was a simple night-out as you treated yourself over a drink or two at the secluded bar deep into town. You weren’t expecting people because as much as you would like to scream about a promotion, all you want to do is rejoice quietly as your hard work finally got you a raise. 

You weren’t expecting somebody to sit beside you, their voice low as they asked for a glass. You weren’t expecting to catch their attention as he introduced himself to you, his blue eyes capturing the way the waves in your heart crashed into yours, making your mouth run dry just at the sight of him. You weren’t expecting for him to talk to you all night, ideas bouncing all over, until he eventually made sure you got home safe as he walked you home. 

But what could a little tea as a way to say thanks would end up? 

It was the bodies tangled together, your legs wrapped around his waist as he hoisted you up against the door, his tongue entering yours, and like a hazy memory— it was the chests rising together, as he snuggled into the crook of your neck as he laid on top of you, riding out both of yours highs in a bliss while he whispered his name for the first time. 

“Erwin,” he whispered against your skin, kissing the spot just below your ear, “Smith.”

After that, you expected for him to know his way out— but he stayed. He danced his calloused fingers over your skin, memorizing every part of you as he whispered about his days and days before that. He would peck your lips, while he listened to you mumble about yours. His eyes captured yours so intently that you felt you would drown immediately. The night felt so surreal that it feels like you’ve known him since forever as he anchored you to sleep, to only wake up with a half-written letter of his name and where he was. 

The Survey Corps. 

As brave as he was to be soldier, the complete opposite is you being the absolute coward. 

“Erwin,” you whispered against the mirror as you buttoned up your blouse, glancing at his letter while you had it tucked on the edge of the mirror. 

Caz’s hard footsteps as he walked up the stairs snapped you out of your memories as the toddler helped himself stand up with the help of the door, as his blue eyes anchored you to reality. The same eyes and hair— of what haunted your past. Erwin Smith. 

“My darling,” you sighed as you heaved him up against your hip, as he clutched on your shirt, making your way outside of the apartment. “Town day? Right, Caz?”

Erwin would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t looking for you. 

He has been. 

Always at the same bar— but always leaving empty handed with no trace of you. At one point, he fought with himself if he should retrace his steps that would lead him to your apartment. When he couldn’t get over you, still, he found the front of your apartment building yet he left empty-handed because you don’t live them anymore. Among the number of people who are traveling, he couldn’t oversee everybody else. 

Then his work has gotten demanding, more in need of him. Papers upon papers, ink bottles upon bottles, burnt out candles on his desk, made you just a sliver on his memory. Still, he has never craved so much for somebody else’s touch other than yours. He has never ached to hear somebody else’s voice but yours. 

Erwin could still remember the night like it was yesterday. He was so unaware of the feeling that pools in his stomach, as his heart beat faster while you spoke softly against the night, turning your head every once in a while as the moonlight shone through your thin carpets, painting over you. 

Despite being part of his memory, you eventually got pushed to the end, locking the memory of you as he focused on his work. 

Erwin walked aimlessly around town, making stops at the stalls where he thinks of what to buy. He isn’t looking for much, he just found himself wanting to go for a walk as he was too cooped in his office, his mind aching for a change of scenery. He watched the people walk, the children chasing each other as their screams filled the plaza with never ending glee. 

“Oh,” Erwin huffed as he felt somebody bump into his... leg. He felt their small hands clutch on to his leg as he watched the toddler help himself up. The little boy looked up, his eyes matching his own eyes, as he felt eerie about the situation. “What’s your name?”

The little boy only craned his neck up, moving backwards a little to see more of the tall man. Erwin did the child courtesy as he bent down, offering the boy a hand to shake. The boy only shook his finger, his whole hand clasped on Erwin’s as they locked eyes again. Erwin smiled at the strength of the kid’s grip on his finger as he asked, “Are you lost?”

“Caz.”

“Caz?”

“Me.”

“Your name is Caz,” Erwin said, brushing the kid’s pants as he stood up, holding the the little kid’s hand. “Where is your mother?”

They both stood there, looking at the people walking by, waiting for somebody to take the little kid. Erwin couldn’t help but glance down every so often to see the eerie similarities between the two of them. He knows that he isn’t the only man with blonde hair and blue eyes, but something about this child made the whole thing so familiar. Erwin looked down again, surprised that the kid was looking up— smiling, as he moved closer to Erwin’s leg. It felt too familiar, and he didn’t want to think of that one possibility because it will make him lose his mind. 

A child? His child? Or was it just a child who looks so much like him? 

It was a simple mistake. One look away from Caz and he’s off to run around the plaza, his laughter fading out while you focused on fishing out the wallet from your purse to see if you brought it with you. Your bag was filled with Caz’s toys because you know when it’s town day he wants to walk around with one toy, and one of his small towels because it’ll get hotter as the day goes by and you don’t want him sweaty, and one or two little pieces of bread just in case he gets hungry because he didn’t eat— and it makes you cry because you only looked away for one damned second and he is gone. 

“Caz?” You shouted, hurriedly walking towards the plaza where children were running around. “Caz!” 

You quickly assessed the children as you walked, but none of them were Caz. He’s blonde for fuck’s sake, and he’s wearing a dark blue sweater and he’s probably scared because he doesn’t like strangers and he could be crying— but, oh. 

“Oh! Caz!” You ran towards him, knowing from the back of his head that it was him because he stands a different way and your feet immediately rushes to him because you know it was him, and you’re correct. 

“I’m so sorry! I only looked away, and he was gone, and I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry, are you okay?” You turned Caz around by the shoulders as he only smiled in response, letting go of the person’s hand as he clutched on your shirt, snuggling to the crook of your neck, while you brushed his hair. You glanced up to the man in a hurry, shame eating you, feeling worst. “Thank you! I… I only looked for one second, I… thank you.” 

Erwin couldn’t feel the ground underneath him as he glanced at the woman clutching the kid before him. It’s… 

“It’s you.”

You stopped brushing Caz’s back, finally hearing the person speak. How could you forget about that voice? You glanced up, sighing deeply as you looked at the man. Him. How could you forget about him?

“Erwin,” you whispered, standing up to heave Caz up to your hip. Erwin stared at the boy in your arms, then at yours. You watched his mouth open and close, while you nodded. 

Erwin moved a little closer, offering his hand against towards Caz with wonder if he… “Is he my son?” 

“His name is Caz,” you breathed shakily, nodding as you bounced him in your arms. You watched how Caz clutched Erwin’s hand, smiling once more. “He’s two years old… I… We…” 

“That night,” Erwin whispered, letting go of Caz’s hand as he stared at you. He doesn’t understand— he does understand, but why was it kept a secret. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared,” you licked your lips, stepping backwards as you placed Caz back on his feet. You couldn’t meet Erwin’s blue eyes or else you’ll break down because this wasn’t how you wanted him to know. You didn’t even know if you wanted him to know. But you were thankful that it did happen— you were just unsure of how he’ll react. “I’m sorry.” 

“You could have told me,” Erwin ruffled Caz’s hair, smiling down at the boy. His smile went away when he looked at you. “I left you where I was and my name.”

“I know,” you whispered, clearing your throat. “I was scared.” 

Erwin understood. He was also scared. He is scared. He came to walk down the plaza with nothing but to just walk— and not to come back as a father. He realized why it was so familiar with Caz and how the kid stuck close to him because he might’ve understood too. 

Erwin nodded, fiddling with his hands. He has finally found you. And perhaps, he wasn’t meaning to see you like this, it was better than not seeing you ever. He looked at you, really looked at you, feeling his own mind click and heart thump faster. You must’ve been scared, taking care of him. You must’ve been tired— and he realized that by the bags under your eyes despite your smile as you cooed at his son. His. 

“Is it too late?” Erwin asked, patting Caz’s back to make him look at him. He watched you raise a brow, protectively turning around as you listened. “I want to be there.” 

“It will be nice for him to grow up with a father,” you said quietly. 

“Okay,” Erwin nodded, offering a hand to you. He doesn’t know why he did it, but he felt enormous pride in himself when you shook his hand. And it was like he’s back two years ago. 

How could he ever forget about you. 

He looked for you everywhere and you’re finally right before his eyes, plus one. 

Erwin smiled, loosening his shirt by the collar as he pointed towards town. There must be a reason why you were here, so he assumed you have to do something. 

“Should I join— may I join you two?” He asked, placing his hands inside his pockets as you nodded. 

“Town day-,”

“Town day!” Caz repeated, squealing as he jumped on his feet. 

“Town day,” you said, brushing Caz’s hair. “We were going to get some fruits, a new shirt for him, scissors to get his hair cut, and a toy. Some mittens too.” 

Erwin followed your steps beside him, watching you heave Caz up multiple times as you stopped by a few stalls to get what you needed. He stopped behind you, playing with Caz from behind as he reached for him multiple times— but you held on to him tightly. Caz smiled and babbled, while Erwin wiped his saliva away to not let it drop to your neck and shirt. 

“I’m just going to buy apples,” you turned around, catching Erwin in an act as he smiled widely. He cleared his throat, straightening himself as he wiped his hands on his shirt. He blushed slightly, while you only chuckled softly in return, “I’ll be back.” 

“Can I hold him?” 

You turned around, looking back at Caz and Erwin, while you thought to yourself. Should you? Should you give him to Erwin? He only moved closer, hands reaching for Caz while he squirmed out of your touch, immediately reaching for his father. 

“Hold on to his legs,” you instructed, brows furrowing as you held Erwin’s hand to position it over Caz. 

“I know how to hold a child,” Erwin cooed, bouncing Caz on his arms. Everything felt so natural to him, as he looked at his own son’s eyes— feeling the whole world into them. “I got it.” 

When Erwin watched you hesitate to go, he pushed you gently, suppressing his smile, “Go. We’ll be here.” 

Erwin followed you at that point, everywhere— carrying Caz in his arms as you stopped stalls by stalls, buying whatever Caz needs. 

“Get two shirts,” Erwin added as he watched you get one for Caz. He pushed one white sweater in your hands as you only stared at him. He knew you were going to protest as he scrambled to get his wallet but he quickly paid the merchant. “Buy one for you too.” 

“Are you telling me I have an ugly shirt?” You joked quietly, reaching for the merchant’s bag as he handed your toddler’s new clothes. 

“No! No! I...” Erwin scrambled to get his words right but you only squeezed his arm to get to calm down. Caz was peacefully sleeping on his chest, embarrassed that your baby’s sleeping too peacefully, now that there was a big wet spot on Erwin’s shirt. He looked at where you were looking, your cheeks tingeing in embarrassment, “It’s okay, he’s sleeping.”

“I was joking,” you smiled, pulling him towards the next stall— Caz’s favorite stall. The toys section. You turned around, walking towards the both of them, going on your toes to reach up to Caz. He snuggled closer to Erwin, his eyes fluttering open to look at you. “My darling, let’s go buy your toy.” 

Immediately, Caz squirmed out of Erwin’s arms as he kicked his legs making Erwin grunt as he placed his son back to the ground, watching him ran gleefully to the stall while you followed quickly. Erwin caught up, going behind you as you bent down to help Caz pick. Erwin felt like he wanted to buy every single toy as Caz graced his toothy smile towards everything he has laid his eyes on. 

“What does he want?” Erwin asked quietly beside you, pulling your hair behind your back as you whipped your head towards him.

“He likes everything,” you smiled at him, shrugging at Erwin while he chuckled. 

“That’ll be a problem.” 

Both of you watched Caz pick toys out, finally buying him with more than you wanted as Erwin paid for the extra two you promised to buy Caz. Erwin clutched Caz in his arms as he carried a bag on the other, as you lead him towards the new apartment that was just close by. Erwin couldn’t believe that you lived here when he has been walking by the building numerous times trying to look for you. He shook it off, finally realizing that you’re here now. 

“It’s up here,” you motioned upstairs, finding for the key as you walked up the stairs. Erwin bounced the sleeping Caz on his arms again, following you up the stairs. “You got it?”

“Yes,” Erwin whispered, stopping behind you as you pushed the door to welcome him to the apartment. He saw the pile of toys in the middle, few books together while you placed the bags on top of the table while you arranged them. “Where should I put him?”

“Caz is still sleeping?” You whispered, taking off of your shoes as you closed the door behind him. Erwin placed the bag on the floor, bending down to show you his sleeping son. “I’ll have him.” 

“Can I?” Erwin asked quietly, as he stared down at you. He watched you finally relax with the thought of him carrying Caz as you nodded. He listened to you point where and what blanket he needs to sleep— even the toy Caz wants to sleep with. The smallest things you know about your son and he wants to know every single detail. 

Once he got Caz on his bed, swaddling him with his blanket and placing the toy around his arm, he quietly exited. He stood in the middle, unsure of what to do next— but he wants to do more. He watched you flit towards things you needed to fix, the cushion and the sheets, and the new things from town. 

You didn’t realize he was helping you when you felt him pass by you, a hand on your back as he helped. You tucked your hair behind your ear, “It’s okay. You don’t need to help...”

“Let me,” Erwin insisted, quickly catching on the things you were doing. 

Both of you moved quietly, stopping when the floors would creak, and both of your chuckles echo in the living room as he stepped on that same spot. The kettle whistled in the kitchen, and you hurriedly stepped towards it with Erwin following softly. 

You leaned on the countertops, breathing deeply now that you have him alone. You turned your head to him when you felt his hands on your shoulders, massaging gently making you close your eyes. You clutched on his hands, turning your whole body around as you stared at him. 

“I’m sorry,” you apologized again, sighing, as you clasped your hands together. “I should’ve looked for you.” 

“I looked for you,” Erwin mused, pulling away as he sat on the dining chair, watching you grab two mugs from the cabinet. “I passed by this building so many times, not knowing that you lived here.” 

“You must’ve not look well,” you snickered, pouring out the tea before him. You pulled on the chair before him, sharing a cup of tea with him. 

Just like before. 

Erwin smiled as you leaned on to the chair, your hand tapping gently on to the table. He reached for your hand, pulling on your finger as he looked for your attention. He wants this, he wants sitting down on the table, feeling a different kind of exhaustion from chasing his son around, he wants sipping his tea, hushed conversations to not wake the small human next door. 

“Caz found me.” 

You couldn’t help it. 

You remembered Erwin as someone who is serious, just like two years ago— and yes it was just one night, but you didn’t expect him to say that. Even Erwin looked embarrassed and you only curled your fingers with his, tugging on his hand as he hooked his on yours. He tried to squint his eyes at you, hiding his smile and the laughter erupting from his chest but you were the one to boom. 

Your laughter colored the room, hand muffling your lips as your chest shook while Erwin grinned, nibbling on his lip as he watched you become a laughing mess before him— blushing as how corny it must’ve sound like, and from the corner of his eyes, he watched Caz clutched the blanket and his toy as he rubbed his eyes wondering what the commotion was all about. 

Caz walked beside you, holding your hand and his toy as the base intimidated him. He knew that he was supposed to be serious, so he placed his big boy scowl as he watched the big soldiers walk pass him, waving their hands at him— but he didn’t break. He did, and he hid in embarrassment from the attention. 

You were looking for Erwin. It was your first time in the base once Erwin found you months ago, and you finally found the courage to look for him. It was supposed to be a surprise, but you have been walking around for five minutes, unsure of where his office might be. 

“Oh! Excuse me,” you tapped their shoulder, their whole body turning to see who owned the unfamiliar voice. “Do you happen to know where Erwin’s office is?���

“Erwin?” The small man in front of you, glanced down at the child who was smiling at him. The black haired man found it himself to smile back as small as it is, as you watch his eyes flutter towards your son and yours. His grey eyes blinked, surprise coloring his face for a hot second. 

“Yes, Erwin Smith?” You explained, holding Caz’s hand in comfort because you were scared. “I... We got lost, so...”

“Just down the hallway. His door’s the third on the right.” He explained, crossing his arms as he watched the boy cooed on your leg. 

“Great, thank you,” you nodded, smiling nervously as you followed his instructions. You turned to the hallway, and immediately regretting it. You turned around, stunned that the man is still staring at you, “I forgot to ask your name!” 

“Levi,” he said loudly, making sure it reaches you. 

Levi pursed his lips, the cogs in his head working as he put two and two together. He looked more at the smaller human next to you, amazed at how much he looks just like Erwin. 

“Thank you, Levi!” You called out, tugging on Caz’s hand softly as you walked towards the hallway. 

Once you two reached his door, you bent down to Caz, fixing his shirt while he tapped on the wooden door. 

“You have to be quiet, okay,” you whispered, kissing your son’s cheeks as he squirmed away, hurriedly reaching for the doorknob. “It’s a surprise for your father.”

It was far from quiet as you knocked on Erwin’s door, and hearing his response. 

It was far from it. 

Caz squealed right away, screeching for his father as Erwin pushed his chair away, quickly bending down to meet his Caz’s reaching arms, blowing raspberries into his chubby cheeks as he clutched on to his shirt. He heaved him up to his hip, kissing his nose as Caz found glee in touching his father’s cheeks— stretching them while Erwin turned to you. 

You laughed at the scene, walking up to them, squeezing Erwin’s arm as you reached for him. Your lips found his, despite how funny he looked, courtesy by his own son. Still, Erwin kissed you back, placing an arm around your waist to pull you closer to him. 

Erwin wants this. His heart swelled at the thought of you, relishing how good the last few months were with you. He wants this, and he’s thankful that you let him.

It was his turn to laugh. He opened his eyes, pecking your lips as he muffled his laughter with your lips. He couldn’t believe what came out of your mouth, as you kissed him back and your son in his arms while Erwin tugged you any closer.

“Found you.”

[frogtanii]

🔮👋👁️👄👁️

i try not to make my asks so long, but i cant help it aknxjsns AMSORI

(about the chapter before this:)

•bo spelling out GASP for dramatic effect, hes so cute ajsnidns 🥺

•y/n: oH i hOpe evErYthIng waSnT exPenSive

the simps: 👁️👄👁️

•since suga gave us knives, does this mean we can go stabby-stabby? no? aw 😟 bzzt bzzt, zappy zap zap

•LAMXIDJD BUBS 🥺

•akaashi, a man after my own heart (yes id give it to him willingly, but that aint the point-)

personally, journaling helped me for a while, and its a great way to get creative through personalizing them, but nowadays i cant sit down and finish a single entry

• "she shouldnt be crying alone" had me awwing and giggling idk why HAHAHAHA

--

•so im there, all comfy and happy like 👁️👄👁️🍿 ready for the next chapter, and what i wasnt expecting was the ✨fearing for my life✨ when yachi started popping off 😌 (as she should, but still ksjzjdnix HAHAHAHAHA)

MEIKO SEEMED SPEECHLESS WHEN YACHI CALLED HER OUT ON HER BS THATS FUNNY TO ME

•kuroo: yachi's kinda hawt when shes mad

y/n: ikr

me: whoop- gurl your rainbows showing 😌

•quick question, what are the other guys gonna do if the hyper house does end up blowing up?

✨imagine tingz✨

• to me, suga seems like the type to build a literal cardboard house inside your home.

• atsumu is one of those guys who tap on your shoulder while sitting behind you in class and when you turn around to glare at him, he pretends he didnt do it 😌

•sakusa doesnt like his s/o feeling his sweaty palms when hes on their dates (bby is shy) so he stuffs them in his pockets while his s/o just links their arm through his and uses that to pull him wherever they want to

🥤 have a drink of water!

🍱 have some food!

➖👄➖ follow after me, close both eyes, and s l e e p w e l l!

❗short sappy message ahead, read at your own risk❗ (hopefully this isnt eaten like the other times i tried being sappy 😤)

have i told ever told you how happy reading pf makes me? like the gift giving chapter, for example made me feel vv loved. the updates give me something to look forward to and something to reread just because.

a very welcome distraction and break from schoolwork, and life, (especially with the guy thing, but that aint for today, this is sappy 😤) and it is now my #1 fave haikyuu fanfic 😌.

plus, you and your nice comments, and interacting with me gave me the final push to publish my own things!

im looking forward to the new things you will eventually write and create and i cant wait for the conflict and 1am sob sessions that come with them.

much love, baddie energy and positive vibes 💘 you're pretty great!

ACK HEY BESTIE ur reactions made me cackle skdjdj && omg m so excited ur publishing ur own stuff!!!!!! i’d be so honored to read anything u have when it’s done <33333 ur sappy message made me sob ilyyy kith kith

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

[skinnyghosttears]

April 26, 2021

10:08 am

I realised 2 things this weekend.

1. The food is not worth all the tears I spent for it. Yeah I missed some flavours but I didnt see heaven when I ate them.

And 2. I cannot allow myself to take some "normal days" without planning all the food because I end with a >4000kcal binge and very miserable thoughts.

So since Im not doing all this for just going to bed wanting to k word myself because I cant control what I eat, I have to do cheat days when my parents are at home.

I feel so bad rn, even if my belly is less big and bloated. I planned almost all the week (I will maybe change a couple of meals if we'll go to the store soon because I dont have some safe foods at home but I will not add stupid stuff) and there is no day that reach 500kcal. If I crave something during the afternoon I have to push the feeling and allow myself to only eat a fruit. Thats it. I know my therapist will be really angry but what's the worst, me crying everytime Im alone or her for just one hour?

Also I will def not weight myself until I'll feel better so idk how much I'll weight in the next days. I have to feel hungry and with no energy again.

11:40 am

I finished to prepare the mushrooms for lunch, I will add those to my egg whites and maybe add some tomato sauce.

Idk if I'll exercise today since I had a little panic attack, Im feeling not so good so maybe I will just walk a little.

2:38 pm

Finished lunch, I got nausea from eating all the mushrooms, but I still finished what I had in my plate. I took a biscuit with the coffee because even with that the plan is still under 500. I totally forgot I already planned to eat an apple during the afternoon, and now I'll go out for a walk so I'll decide later if I will eat it or not. I will not eat it for sure after 6pm so I'll try to stay away from home until then. I feel so big but also full of water, so I hope to get rid of this bloated mass that is my belly in three days or something. I want to try a skirt when i'll govto the city for see my therapist, but I have to be back in my shape for that.

4:20 pm

Came back from the walk, burned 329kcal. Since I ate only 222kcal for lunch I see this as a win. I also found out that where I burned myself back on saturday there is an ugly blister and its right on my tattoo, so I'll consider this the punishment for the mess of this weekend.

7:44 pm

I ate the apple because I was craving something, but it was enough. I also prepared shrimps and green beans for dinner. When I have to cook stuff Im way more in control of food. Tomorrow I'll go with mom to the store so I'll be able to find some safe stuff and buy a lot of fruits 💗 (I mean I can go by myself but Im a jobless 25yo so if I go with her I will not spend my money :'))

10:18 pm

I allowed myself to drink a monster after dinner, I already finished it but maybe I will prepare some tea or at least drink more water before bed time.

I managed to stay under 500 today and Im really happy about it. Tomorrow will be hopefully the same (and if not, it will still be under 600).

11:01 pm

Looked in the mirror, I thought my belly was worse than this. Im full of water so maybe I will feel like before soon... I'll try to stick under 500kcal everyday until I'll be back under 60kg.

[sevdrag]

dreamwidth update: isolation

(content warnings: i just talk about the shit that's going on rn cause i gotta, but if any of it is triggering for you, be careful or scroll past)

so, as it turns out - as anyone could have predicted - i'm behind AF on nano.

look, a lot of it is that the first week of november got tied up in the hellhole that was america's election. fuck. i had done a lot of research and i knew what to expect and i STILL DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. that entire week was draining as fuck and even the relief of them finally calling it for biden was destructive and devastating in its own way. (i cried. i dont ever cry. i fucking bawled.)

and some of it is another lesson in preparation. i have a great outline for this novel! i know all the plot beats for all three plotlines! but i didn't practice getting into either character's voice, so while im still writing, it's very third-person-onmicient type, very distant, rather than the third-person-intimate that im going for.

and ive become STUPIDLY hung up on that! LIKE, ITS STOPPING ME FROM WRITING. i realize i just need to forge ahead and i'll find their voices eventually, but like, brain matter no go. head empty no thots.

SURPRISINGLY, though, if i count all words i've written (including nano, patreon, work words, fanfic, etc) i am on pace to hit the 50K. guess what I might be doing, rather than focusing entirely on the nano words. fml. etc.

my two oldest nieces are coming this weekend for their birthday celebration. when they were young i decided that instead of birthday gifts, what each girl got was a weekend alone, just with me, where we would do super fun things and they get to have all of the focused attention from their aunt and uncle. it's worked great, but this year, because of the rona, their schedules are all fucked up (you would not BELIEVE what my bro and SIL have had to work out to manage both of their jobs with 3 children under the age of 7 at home; it's crazy), and we wanted to limit the travel as well. so both girls are coming together to stay with me, to celebrate together. i'm very excited, but wow, that's also been a whirlwind.

i had to clean the entire house. the thing is, when you've been in house since march, and you're already disabled, and you're depressed, and you're tired, and you have 5 cats, the house can quickly get to a pint where you really give no more fucks about it. hugely. bigly. i had to summon my mum, Crown, and murder husband to help me out with it, but now the house is gorgeously clean and i am happy. doing all the work at once was kind of a sledgehammer to the face tho, RIP me, but i did it.

fought with Crown over a bunch of stuff too. it's resolved and we are in a better place after having it out, but that also hit me like a fucking pickup truck, thanks.

also didnt help nano.

isolation is weird. i dont mind being alone - i love being stuck in my house alone, that's like, my dream world - but i feel like i've hunkered down here in other ways as well. friends i used to talk to daily, i check in like once a week. a BIG part of that is, well, having nothing to really say. my new contract remains in covid limbo, my other work continues, and my desire to write a novel to sell is just aksjdlkasdjggs, so like, ??? why bother to talk, there's no news here, etc.

im also just not very good at staying in touch because of (reasons) and the situation is compounding that and really doubling down on it. how can i reach out to people when im spending most of my mental energy not going completely batshit??? "hey demons. it's me. your boy."

i mean i also feel like other friends are pulling back as well, probably because none of us really have anything new to say. it's just an interesting side effect of isolation, i guess?

plus it's the jazz hands depressssiioooonnnnn ~! for all of us!

i really just exist on discord these days. honestly.

ANYWAY.

i haven't yet given up on the novel, nor have i given up on trying to grow my kofi and patreon to help me out in these terrible times. (crankyoldman, thanks so much for the Kofi! that covers this month's entire Chewy order! <3 <3 aaaaaaa ILU and i miss you guys!!) it's just such a bizarre fucking time to be a conscious thinking creature and that's weird, i guess.

went to target and bought a bunch of men's shirts for the winter. sorry but for what i want men's clothes are vastly superior. you can't get a women's t-shirt that's long enough to go over hips or really be tucked in unless you find a "tunic length" and they're like $25. i got 3 mens tees for $18. i also now have a giant hoodie with thumbholes. bless.

plus big ass sports bras. i just want my tits to be comfortable. dont always bra them, but like when im cleaning they gotta be held. gently. softly cupped in place so that they don't get tossed around too much. i dont know where im going with this.

i just want to be comfortable here in my private cave.

the stasis of isolation. such an odd year it's been this last month.

Ko-fi for the cats || Patreon for CYOA and the novel || Sev's Pub, my creative works discord || carrd for the rest

comments Comment? https://ift.tt/3ngoxji

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

The Baker and The Prince (Pt. 10)

-------------------------

Roman POV

It was cold, to cold, Roman opened his eyes to examine his surroundings. He was in a cell, his wrists chained to the floor.

"That cant be right. . . I'm not a criminal, I'm a prince!" he tugged at the chains, which seemed to be burning his wrists.

"I wanted to thank you for bringing him down my darling, it was so much easier with you at my side," Presley's voice came from outside the door.

"Of course it was easy! Prince's live for forbidden romance, a lowly baker is just what he would've fallen for," Roman froze, his mouth seemed to have gone dry.

"Well it was a brilliant show, you'll be rewarded kindly once we off the others and reclaim the throne," Presley said. Ran could see his silhouette outside the door, and Virgil's just behind it.

"I tried to tell Patton to stay home, a shame he didnt listen, isnt it," Virgil voice sounded. . . different.

"Virgil he's your brother! You dont mean that!" Roman tugged harder on the chains, his wrists burning like they were going to fall off.

"Oh! Wonderful! He's awake!" Presley opened the door, Roman barely paid attention to him as he walked inside. Virgil was dressed in attire usually reserved for royal weddings. His eyes seemed glazed over, dead, even.

"Virgil. . . this isnt you. . ." Roman said, almost pleading with him.

"You dont know anything about me," said Virgil, with a smirk that was so similar to Presley's it nearly froze Roman to the spot.

"Yes I do! You have a necklace that turns you into a cat, when you were seven years old Patton bought you a broomstick and a hat so you could pretend to be a witch, you lost both your front teeth at nine years old from trying to climb rocks, when you were twelve you got your first binder and were so excited you nearly smacked someone in the face because your hands were flapping so fast," Roman was practically begging Virgil to show some sign of recognition, anything that would show he'd won him back, but all that stared back was cold uncaring darkness.

Then Roman heard a click, his shackles fell to the ground. He made the last effort he could, and kissed Virgil on the lips, holding his body close as if were he to let it go he would die.

Roman opened his eyes, and the scene was gone, he was in a garden, facing Presley, who was emitting a faint amount of smoke.

"Well done Roman, you beat me! Now let's see how good the others are, hm?" a screen opened up around them, Roman couldn't do anything but stare.

Logan POV

Logan felt like crying. Why were they back home? Where was Remus? Why wasnt anyone listening to them?

"Hello? Can anyone hear me? Wheres Remus? Has anyone seen my boyfriend?" they were shaking, shaking so violently they thought they might collapse. No one made any sign of recognizing them, or even that they were there at all. So they did what they'd always done when this happened, ran into the woods. The daemon that lived there was always helpful, he helped them realize they were genderfluid, he bought them their first binder, gave them a home.

But the treehouse in which they lived was nowhere to be seen, only a stump, and a royal crest graffitied onto it.

"No no no no no- this cant be happening!" Logan fell to their knees, burying their head in their hands.

"Remus. . . tell me you didnt do this. . . tell me you didnt hurt my only friend. . ." they were sure no one would hear them, but they felt a hand rest on their shoulder.

"I had to Logie, he was dangerous," Remus' voice was cold, the complete opposite of the man they knew and loved.

"You're not Remus, you're not my boyfriend, you arent real," Logan glared behind themself. They were correct, the thing behind them was merely an amalgamation of white and brown hair, and green. . . sludge. Logan ran off, and directly into a wall of screens. Roman hugged them from behind.

"Are you real?" Logan said.

"Are you?" Roman replied, he'd been crying, Logan could tell. They hugged him back, and turned to face the next screen

Patton POV

It was busy in the shop, busier than it had ever been. Where was his brother? Virgil always helped when it was busy! But Patton couldn't find time to go check on him.

The shop finally attempted, he could finally go look for his brother. What awaited him in Virgil's room was not a pretty sight. The whole room looked ransacked, shelves overturned, papers and books strewn across the floor. There was a note on Virgil's bed, Patton picked it up.

I ran away Patton, I cant deal with you ir your nagging anymore, life isnt all sunshine and rainbows and you need to realize that, and just because you're older doesnt mean you're wiser, you cant keep telling me what to do and expect it not to have consequences.

Patton felt tears running down his cheeks. He abandoned all pretense if self preservation and leapt out the window. The grass below cushioned his fall much better than expected. He raced through the garden, ignoring the aching in his legs and burning feeling in his lungs.

"Virgil! Virgil come back! Please!" Patton felt hopeless, like there was a pit in his stomach he couldnt fix.

"Virgil! Virgil please I cant do this alone!" he cried.

"Then you shouldve been a better brother." Virgil stepped out from the trees, anger clear as a day across his face.

"I didnt mean to. . . you couldve told me. . . Virgil I'm so sorry. . ." Patton collapsed to his knees, hiding his face so Virgil wouldnt see his tears.

Then he was leaning against something, or someone. Logan helped him up, they smiled at him, and he felt much better.

Remus POV

The unloved brother, the screwup, the shame of the family. That's all Remus was. Everyone seemed keen on telling him that all the sudden, even Logan wasnt holding back their glares. He tried to talk to them, ask what was wrong, but they didnt respond with much more than a noise of indignant disgust, and a wave of the hand, dismissing him. It was then that Remus had finally noticed what he was wearing, a servants uniform, and Logan was dressed like the royalty Remus had always though they were.

"Logan where is all this coming from? You said you didn't care how gross I was, you helped me dissect a heart!" Remus felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"That was then, I'm a monarch now, I have better things to do then spend time with a disgusting servant like you." Logan's voice was cold, he didnt even look at Remus when he spoke. But Remus was no stranger to being ignored, and he wasnt about to waste his talents now.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU LOGAN. I DONT CARE IF YOU SUDDENLY THINK IM THE SCUM OF THE EARTH. I LOVE YOU. YOU CANT CHANGE THAT. AND YOU LOVE ME TO. I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT." Logan looked at him, their eyes widened with shock, and he took this opportunity bring them in for a kiss.

"Uh- Re- there are other people here- can you eat your joyfriend's face later-" Roman's voice broke through the silence. Remus parted his lips from Logan's, they were both in their normal clothes, standing in a room of screens.

Virgil POV

There were screens everywhere, his friends were being tortured, Remy and Emile had joined the ranks of the dragons, and Virgil couldn't stop them.

"Stop it! Stop it! Take me instead! Kill me if you have to just leave them alone!" tears were streaming down his face, the one time he was begging for a response from Presley, yet he received none. He watched Roman be betrayed by aan that wasnt him, Logan lose their best friend, Patton lose him, Remus be abandoned. He couldnt take it, he felt numb, he hated it, he wanted to get out, he wanted to get out and he didnt care how.

"Its all my fault. Is that what you want? Do you want me to say that? Hm?" Virgil tried to lift his head, but he couldnt seem to find the energy.

"VIRGIL!" multiple voices called out to him. He was lying on the ground now, he didnt care why.

"Where are Emmy and Remy?" Patton asked, concern apparent in his voice.

"Dragons, he turned them into dragons, like the others," Virgil said, tears were staining his face.

"They failed their challenges, it's their fault," Presley said. He was smoking like a volcano now.

"You're dying, arent you," said Roman, taking out a sword.

"Only for now, when I kill the five of you I'll be stronger than ever," Presley laughed and retrieved his own weapon, and time itself seemed to freeze in place.

----------------------------------------------

@official-lucifers-child

@oceanart123

@spooky-scary-virgil

@youtuberswithalex

@misunderstoodshadowling

@i-need-you-buddy

@somehow-i-got-an-account

@escalatingtoofast

@hedgiehoggles

@noodle---doodle

@thecolorfulolive

@lonelyanxiousbean

[tsukidotcom]

Haikyuu HC to COVID-19 (Karasuno edition)

This is horrible 💀 im just so bored so I made whatever this mess is KFJSJDMSK enjoy

Hinata Shouyou

huh? isn’t it just the flu?

“No, hinata. People have died from it-“

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-

goes bananas

whenever someone sneezes or coughs, his soul leaves his body as he runs away to sanitize/wash his hands for a miserably long time.

eats an expired can of peaches thinking it’s his last resort

lowkey happy school is closed because homework sucks

but also highkey hates it because now all volleyball tournaments are closed

then gets all angry when he realizes he’d have to do online school???!!?? like wtf he got jipped.

thinks they could still do volleyball if they did online calls cus if the school can do it,, then vOLLEYBALL CAN

will probably miss half of the class calls from oversleeping/forgetting anyway.

sheepishly ask yamaguchi, yachi or tsukishima for help on assignments/notes. (he will NEVA ask kageyama. he’s always in competition with him here!)

still practices volleyball 24/7 in his backyard or room (maybe even with his baby sister??)

He’s really good at practicing all by himself from practicing all alone in middle school—

but will probably go crazy being alone all the time with his family. he just wants to play volleyball with the team again.

looks up “what to do when you’re bored” or “what to do at home while in quarantine” on youtube

Kageyama Tobio

probably says he’s immune to the corona because he’s just better than everyone else

doesn’t really think it’s real until school shut down because of it

When he sees that corona is airborne he wont know what that means so he’d probably think it’s produced by air itself?? which makes him think air is trying to kill the human race?? and will be so confused as to why it decided to pop up now???

DESPISES online school. He had enough trouble understanding it from the gecko, so now he has to learn it basically all by hiMSELF?!?

And no way is he just gona email the teacher for help. If he does it’s gonna be only once in his lifetime. Anymore than that he thinks he’s doin too much. He doesn’t want his teachers thinking he’s dumb 😭

he says literally nothing during the calls he just tries to pay attention? and fails because he’s on a computer. in his room. alone. he’s bound to daze off or stare at a pen for 5 minutes.

Obvi still practices volleyball. Very much misses it. At least Hinata had his sibling to practice with him. tobio is a lone wolf in his household.

When his mom goes out to get groceries he gives her one of those doctor masks so she doesn’t catch corona.

Few moments later through the internet he realizes that corona is smaller than air molecules so if you can breathe through something you could still get it so he struggles for an hour thinking he just killed his mother

When his mom is back he keeps his distance in case she’s carrying the plague

omg did she just cough or am i imagining things no she definitely coughed she has corona oh oh god

In reality she was just clearing her throat.

is lowkey worrying about everyone and how they are 🥺 (yes, maybe even hinata).

thinks he’s science smart by calling it covid-19 than corona.

Asahi Azumane

He just worries about everyones health

like he just imagines the worst case scenario’s and starts to get really worried if people got it. Always checks on everyone and asks if they’re feeling any symptoms of corona ❤️

He’s either not gonna get it or he gets it and dies there’s no inbetween

but he’s jesus himself so theres no way he nor anyone in his bloodline can get it

is very happy to know that dogs can’t get it.

Takes online school seriously and tries his best

And is honestly so sad school just ended??? even if it’s temporary, he could be learning, playing volleyball, and going about his day instead of staying in a cage. he’s a third year so—how would graduation even go..?

always is up to date on the news !! and notifies everyone if anything important is added/changed.

Always tells everyone to stay safe! Whether through text or before ending a call.

only buys a lot of toilet paper from the fear of there being no toilet paper in stock since evERYONE IS BUYING IT-

Starts to try new hobbies that he put off for the longest time cus quarentine is rlly getting to him.

Is all out a family guy so he doesn’t mind the extra time with his family.

Nishinoya Yu

OAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

420 blazin’

thinks going outside means you’re instantly gonna die from corona attacking your white blood cells (????)

but also probably doesnt care as he goes outside like everyday to run around and get rid of energy (and to practice volleyball, of course).

also why is it called white blood cells when blood is red ☠️ smh

Buys 101611018320129 bags of chips because that’s his comfort food

yay more gaming time!!!

Noya🐒: Tanaka do u wana play minecraft 2getr latr?

Tanaka🍌: HELL YEAH!!

doesn’t shower for three days straight because screw personal hygiene!! No more school!!! Can do whatever he wanted!! It’s basically summer!!!

until he’s forced to do online school.

Is def the class clown. Probably somehow kicks the teacher out of the call through a little bit of hacking.

“alright guys so i’ll be you’re substitute teacher for the day-“

tbh acts the same as he would in school. maybe a little more rebellious because, i mean, what is the teacher gonna do? send him to DETENTION? call his mOMMY?

Calls/spams literally everyone in his contacts because he’s so bored and lonely. Answer him!! Y’all will be on facetime for hours!!

He’s fun to facetime.

Will call you a loser if you don’t have an apple iPhone because then he can’t facetime you and facetiming is one of his favorite things to do to pass time (besides gaming)

HE A TRUE GAMER

Okay but he lowkey still tries at school for the sake of his grades and his future ;-; maybe calls asahi or sugawara for help??

always looks up his homework on the internet to see if he can get an answer key or something (he did that anyway even before corona but)

will do one subject for 3 hours thinking he’s finally done with everythinf till he realizes he has like 4 other subjects and needs to do those too.

Sending memes all the time

Tsukishima Kei

oh, what about corona again?

honestly could give NO fucks??. like ABSOLUTELY ZERO. nonxistent.

doesn’t even remember it’s still happening half the time.

is surprisingly very knowledgeable about corona.

he’s just smart and sciency¿ so he understands the ins and outs of corona like how it works and how its spread.

so if you tRULY want any update or background info on the corona virius, ask Tsukishima.

bitch don’t touch me you have rabies.

doesn’t care that he’s obligated to stay at home because he would have stayed either way. he very much likes being alone.

might go a little crazy cooped up in his room so he’ll hang with his brother/family or go outside before he says ‘okay that’s enough’ and goes back to his room.

isolation? oh okay *puts on headphones*

he rlly gonna be rocking it out in his room cus he can listen to music all day any day

developes a really bad sleep schedule since he had no way to get rid of the energy he got rid of at school.

still a huge tease so he says everyone has the corona virius.

is never online on social media which means he’s never up to date with his frIENDS. Doesn’t have a clue what those dipshits are doing and could care less (besides yamaguchi,, they probably facetime or call thru skype or something).

I bet the whole volleyball squad has a groupchat and honestly he puts all notifs on mute cus his phone keep goin DING DING DING DI DING ID DID IDKNG DING DIG

Brother: Omg why are you getting so many text messages?

Tsukki: Shut up

if he is online on the gc and he texts it would be simple replies like “Hi” “Okay.” “No.” “Goodbye.” and then he’s gone for another week

every first year is begging on their knees for tsukishima to give the answers or help them out and he obviously says: go do the hw yourselves idiots

besides yamaguchi!!!! again!! cus theyre gay for each other

maybe practices once in awhile with his brother or alone in his backyard but he doesn’t care

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

buys 101817 pounds of toilet paper because everyone else is? but not because of the same reason as asahi. he thinks toilet paper is the cure to corona.

GO STUPID AAAAAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA-

probably has a part time job at a grocery store so he still has to go to work 😭 i dont even know how he could have a job in the first place he’s probably always late-

still gamin with noya of course

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFTT

also buys like all the junk food thats in stock. and since he works at the grocery store he gets a ton of coupons and deals.

texts Kiyoko everyday goodmorning ❤️❤️❤️ and goodnight 😘😘 texts just to be left on read.

“i love it when she ignores me !!!”

scrolls through tiktoks for 1000 hours to pass time

School Is For Losers!!

similar to noya, he thought it was basicaly summer until he realized they were gonna be doing online school. literally had a fit and said he didnt wanna do jack squAt

Laughs so hard when nishinoya somehow kicks the teacher out of the call he’s like laughing so loud and hard he starts crying

all of the sudden has a better view on school

gets excited when he sees nishinoya on the call

makes funny and ugly ass faces when the teacher isn’t looking. everyone laughs and the teacher’s like 🤨

probably uses the green screen effect so he can change hus background (somehow) and accidentally misclicks a file so a girl wit a bikini becomes his background for .5 seconds before changing it to a cursed meme:

doesn’t get half the shit the teacher is talking about

but it’s okay because the half he doesn’t get is the other half noya gets

and the half noya doesnt get is the orher half tanaka gets

they’re two peas in a pod 🥰

until they try explaining it to each other and suddenly get confused?? mental malfunction ¿?

yeah im SMART!!!

s -

m -

a -

r - penis

t -

Daichi Sawamura

quite calm about the whole coronavirus

like he knows it is serious and understands how it is spread but he’s still calm about it??

tells everyone to sanitize and wash hands on a regular. and social distancing!!

honestly still wakes up like he does on normal school days and does all his academics just fine.

he even does gym activities (besides volleyball) for 30 minutes to an hour!!!! he be running on that treadmil! getting stronk!

does each subject on his own for 20-40 min each day. he’s really good at self discipline

makes sure sugawara and asahi are up to date on school work and will gladly help.

sadly can’t help the first years (and probably second years) because that info is deep in his brain and basically forgot how to do it after a year or two of not using it.

VERY VERY VERY sad that volleyball nationals are cut off. this is his last year and for it to be??? gone??? just because of some flu?!?! hates it.

he wishes school to go back and still has hope that school will go back to normal in a couple of weeks (even though it’s a slim chance).

asks the teacher questions whenever he has questions. He’s also vv considerate so he’ll ask questions he knows the answer to but asks them for anyone who’s confused ab it/wants to ask but is too shy. (literally i lov daichi sm)

Eats a healthy amount of everything

asks asahi for any updates on corona even though he’s quite up to date himself. he just wanna make sure he didn’t miss anything.

also doesn’t mind being around his family. he’ll do more chores around the house to help his parents out :> he’s literally perfect wtf

def does worry about everyone in the volleyball gc and anyone else he has contact with. Will also email classmates and ask if they’re doing all right. Even away from volleyball he’s a team player ☺️✌️

Is happy for the rest of the day when asahi tells him dogs can’t get corona.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

oaoaiquqhdkoaiaagadjsiwi?

doesn’t know what to believe anymore

keeps in touch with everyone!! always online 24/7 on social media, vball gc, you name it.

Literally everyone is acting so normal why are people so calm am i the only one worrying about this and the worlds future like this year has been really bad so far for not just me but the whole nation actually the entire world honestly like war almost broke out in january and now this corona stuff is really buttering my crissont the wrong way-

Even though tsukishima literally gives No Fucks, yamaguchi is the complete opposite.

like tsukki and yamaguchi call on skype and eVERY TIME yamaguchi starts with ‘how have you been? do you feel sick at all? have you drank enough water today?’ and so on

“What are you even worrying about?”

“Well...what if you get the corona virius?... it can be deadly, you know!! Thousands of people have died from it!!! The fact school is shutting down and people are panicking is making me feel like i should be panicking-“

Tsukki will then snarkily reassure him it’s fine and people their age are the least likely to get it bad.

Yamaguchi will feel a little better afterwords

“Thank you, Tsukki!”

Tsukki will ‘tch’ it off

Even though he gets really good grades he has triuble finding motivation to do any school work?? doing school work in his own home? 😐

His home was kinda a place he can chill whereas school is a place he can be fully focused

but now his home is ALSO school??!!?

Luckily he understands the work, at least.

When he sees tsukishima on the call, too, he instantly says hello.

“Tsukki!! Hey!! 😁”

“Shut up.”

“Gomen, Tsukki.”

Yeah. Even when they aren’t at school, he’s still the same as always.

He takes extra care of his family and always stays in touch with other relatives. Especially grandpa and grandma. THE SECOND he learned elderly people are at more risk you bet your ass he’s calling them making sure they’re okay. He checks up on them everyday now.

He peobably practices volleyball a little, too. He’s more focused on schoolwork though.

Sugawara Koushi

Have you guys ate dinner yet? 🥺

obviously checking up on everyone

he would fail as a mother if he didn’t.

Actually reads in his free time?? He finally has time on his hands to read these books so.... here we are!

Wakes up at a scheduled time everyday (minus weekends. Maybe sleeps for an extra hour or so).

He dresses in pjs rather than actual clothes because he’s not going anywhere with this social distancing thing.

Always tries to lighten the mood when all the students are on the online call. Maybe crack some joke or innocently play around with the effects.

He still pays close attention in class and does quite well on his own. No help from his parents! He can do everything on his own! He a big boi!

Does homework really well, too. Probably does extra work or more work than needed just because it makes him feel good afterwords.

Honestly i can see him cooking in his free time. If he doesnt feel like reading or scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he gonna cook.

Will make the best cookies in the universe.

HAS A HECK OF A SWEET TOOTH. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIM GETTING HIS PRETTY HANDS ON SUM TREAT

Honestly isn’t too good with exercise so he might gain a few pounds or grow the smallest chub 🥺🥺🥺 he would be so cute omfg.

is realy involved with his family!! they play a board/card game every friday night and have the best time.

if he has a dog, cat, or literally any animal you know he’s gona be hanging with them since he has more time.

Still! Playing! Volleyball! I mean by now every boy is practicing at least a little bit. He would probably be in his backyard playing volleyball with his family. Theyy’d set up a net and everythin! They’re all rookies at it but he still cherishes the moments with them.

It’s honestly still practice. Better than nothing

He talks about how his family plays volleyball and everyone is so jealous like 😭😭 makes him more grateful hearing half the volleyball team saying they have to practice alone.

Watching youtube videos of random videos/vines making him giggling.

“Hey, Dachi, look at this video.”

IS A SWEETHEART STFU !!!

[the-mad-starker]

Starker Smut: Homemade

Length: 8.2k

AO3 Link

Prompt: Omega mommy Tony and alpha son Peter who finally starts his rut. Tony ends up pregnant, and Tony loves feeling the life inside him, that feeling amplified by knowing that the pup(s) have part of Peter in them. When Tony starts lactating, Peter likes to nurse while he fucks his mama, caught between the safe, warm, feeling he gets from drinking from his momma and the desperate, near-frenzied mindset he gets fucking him.

Ive been MIA. Lack of motivation + IRL stuff = one very sad mads. So I finally finished this mommy kink fic yayy. Also using this as a fill for Starker bingo, X-ing out my Incest square 😱 anyone curious about my card can see it in the AO3 post.

Notes: ABO Dynamics, Incest (normalized sex setting), Omega Tony, Alpha Peter, intersex, marathon sex, knotting, breeding, impregnation, pregnant sex, lactation, ruts, lingerie, and so much mommy kink

Note 2: Not explicitly stated but throwing in the underaged warning here.

Also before anyone jumps me for breast feeding info/correction, I was too lazy to do a thorough research into this so I'm tweaking it in this omegaverse lol

💗💗💗

Tony's actually in a meeting when he gets the text.

It's from Happy, his loyal but too serious bodyguard slash chauffeur.

Boss, i just dropped the kid off at the house. He literally begged me not to tell you, but he isn't feeling too well. - HH

Tony frowns at the message and thinks for a half second before he shoots a text to his son.

Hey, kiddo. How's class going? - TS

There’s silence for a few seconds before his inbox is flooded in Peter's usual lightning fast but short sentence texts.

…

...Happy told you, didnt he

im sorry, i wasnt feeling good

They said I should just go home

And I told Happy not to tell you

he promised but I guess he lied

I'm fine, really just need to nap.

Sorry, mama.

It's the last line that gets him because lately, Peter has been trying to stop calling him mommy or mama. he wants to be more formal, more grown up and just call Tony mom, but it slips when he's feeling particularly vulnerable.

Meaning his baby needs him right this instant.

Tony excuses himself from the meeting and texts Happy to bring him home. Smart man, the beta is already waiting for him when Tony strolls out of the building.

He makes it to their home in Queens in record time but doesn't text to let his son know. Peter, despite being a clingy child, has some guilt about pulling Tony away from his job. The omega doesn't know where it comes from since he has always reassured his boy that he would move mountains for him.

Tony loosens his tie, slipping off his shoes when he enters their home.

There's a scent neutralizer in the air so the omega can't tell from scent alone if his son is in distress. Scent neutralizers in the ventilation but the walls aren't soundproof. The only ones that are soundproof are Tony's bedroom for… reasons... Not that he needs it. The omega hasn't had a partner for heats or otherwise since Peter was a baby.

He approaches Peter's bedroom and pauses when he hears sounds from inside.

A soft moan. His hand stills on the doorknob before he decides to knock.

He gets a soft yelp and the sound of something crashing on the floor. Tony raises a brow but schools his expression when Peter cracks the door open.

"Mama?" Peter whispers incredulously. He licks his dry lips and blinks too rapidly. "Aren't you supposed to be in a meeting…?"

Normally, Tony would have a sassy reply instantly but something… It's… It's hard to pinpoint really, but the scent is familiar and it makes Tony's insides clench and his legs feel weak. He hasn't responded like that in so long and the last time–

Tony's eyes widen when the realization hits. It's all processed in less than a second and his instincts surge to life inside him.

"A little birdie told me you aren't feeling well," Tony says coyly, leaning closer.

He gets more of that scent, spice and musk… Knows by the way Peter's lips quiver that he's catching his omega mother's scent at the same time. Peter's eyes dilate, the pupils expanding and eating up the brown of his irises. Brown eyes that he shares with his omega parent.

Does Peter even know what Tony's scent means?

If he's presenting today, the deeper notes in Tony's scents might still be a mystery. In that case, his body would be responding but Peter wouldn't know, consciously, why he's so aroused. Why Tony's scent is turning him on so much when just yesterday, his nose only registered comfort and security.

"I told Happy–" Peter groans, "Mom, I'm okay, I just need a minute."

Tony smirks but when he tries to nudge the door open, Peter holds it steady, a soft whine of, "Mama, p-please–"

He abruptly stops talking when Tony caresses his cheek, subtly posing his wrist right next to the boy's nose. He's feeding his presenting boy the scent of a viable omega. It's a dirty trick but he just wants to help and possibly ease his son's suffering.

"Baby, I can smell it," Ton says gently, "You're becoming a man… An alpha."

"Mama…" Peter groans, breathing the scent in with greedy lungfuls of breath.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Tony encourages his son to speak honestly.

Peter swallows, so unsure, but he whimpers when Tony continues stroking his cheek, soothing and arousing at the same time.

"It does," he admits, "but… but… I…"

Tony's poor baby is struggling.

"Do you want Mama to help, darling?" Tony coos to his son. "I can make the hurt go away."

"You can?" Peter looks at him with wide eyes, full of trust and innocence.

It makes Tony's heart beat so harshly against his chest. His body responds too, but he's already been dripping slick since he smelled his son's arousal. The scent of an alpha in entering a rut. It's even more potent for a first time presented. It's even more arousing that it's his baby boy, his sweet Peter.

"Open the door, baby," Tony encourages, "I'll help you feel better."

Peter's breathing escalates, his body practically vibrating with unspent energy. Tony can read all the signs and more slick drips out of him when he does.

His sweet Peter is going to be such an amazing, good alpha.

His son opens the door and Tony almost sinks to his knees right then and there. If he thought Peter's emerging scent affected him before, it sends his head spinning. It's intoxicating.

Alpha… alpha…

Tony breathes it in and takes a few seconds to acclimate himself. Then, belying the struggle he's feeling, Tony saunters into the room and promptly sits on his boy's bed, crossing his legs. It helps to hide the trembling and the urge he has to just lay back and offer himself as a rut toy for his son.

Peter, sensing the change in his omega mom, hesitates when he turns.

It's obvious why. His erection is tenting the soft pajama pants he has on and he's trying to hide it behind his hands. There's a light flush on Peter's cheeks, such a pretty pink that Tony wants to snuggle the boy close.

"Well," Tony smiles and it's a sultry thing, an expression that Peter's never had directed at him. It makes his son push out even more pheromones, trying to lure in the omega teasing him. "We're not gonna solve your problem with you all the way over there. Come closer, baby."

Peter does step closer then takes another until he's standing right in front of Tony. The omega gently eases his son's hands away.

"Need to see what I'm working with here, kid," Tony tells him.

Slowly, he tugs his boy's pajamas down, letting the fabric drag over the erect length. His son's flesh is uncovered, slowly, like a grand reveal and Tony's mouth fills with saliva with every inch he exposes. He guessed the size a bit, just from the outline, but that doesn't compare to what he sees.

Tony knows right away that Peter has a pretty cock. The flesh itself is flushed a gorgeous pink, just like the blush on his cheeks. The girth isn't something to scoff at. It looks like his presentation hit Peter like a truck, giving him all the tools needed to be an alpha stud despite still being Tony's baby boy.

The omega eyes the loose skin around the base. For a kid who hasn't popped his first knot, Tony can already tell Peter's knot will be massive. When the band of his pajamas finally slips over the tip, Tony's breath catches when the entire thing is freed. It's so hard that it springs up but the weight of it is too much to curve up against Peter's belly. His son's cock bobs in the air, all flushed and needy, drooling for his omega mama's touch.

Tony takes a moment to admire it. A soft sound catches his attention and he looks up to see Peter's embarrassed face. The blush has only deepened and the color has crept down Peter's neck and chest, disappearing beneath his shirt.

"You've grown to be such a big boy," Tony murmurs, rubbing circles on the hard jut of his hip.

"Mama…" Peter whispers, a tiny bit embarrassed. But there's a hint of pride there like he can't help being happy that Tony compliments him so.

"It's a good cock," Tony assures him, "You'll make plenty of omegas cry on this thing…"

Another soft embarrassed sound then his sweet son admits, "I don't… don't really want any other 'mega, mom…"

His son is such a sweet boy. Tony feels his heart twist because Peter's always been such a good boy, always thinking about his omega mama, always so sweet and kind. Some young omega will steal Tony's sweet boy away and that's… that's life.

Tony doesn't say such things though. They'll come in time. For now… He'll take what he can get and teach his son what he wants to know.

"What do you think…?" Tony says casually while he wraps his hand around Peter's cock. "Think you can hold out for me, kid? Or are you feeling sensitive…?"

He gets his answer as soon as he gives the firm cock a single stroke. It twitches wildly in his hand, drops of precome beading up quickly at the slit. It drips down the flushed head and just as quickly, another drop forms. It keeps going, fat cloudy drops that gather and overflow so that it drips steadily.

"I…" Peter whines, hiding his face behind his hands again. He peeks through his fingers, "I don't know…"

Tony tries to be gentle but his baby isn't too far from his first orgasm by another's hand.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Tony tells him as the boy shuffles closer. His hand works over Peter's erect cock, jerking him off with firm but quick strokes. "Let it out, little alpha… Let it out for mama…"

It doesn't take more than a few strokes before Peter's body grows taut. His cock twitches and pulses in Tony's grip, balls drawing up quick. Tony doesn't stop and soon, his son is bucking up his hips, soft gasps and a cut off "Mmph…!" before Peter spills all over Tony's hand.

The load his son releases is so much… 

"Fuck, baby," Tony says, astonished at the sheer amount of come, "you were really backed up, hmm? You should ask for mommy's help if you need it... Don't want my baby getting so frustrated…"

Tony milks it all out of Peter, massaging and encouraging the soft little baby knot at the base of his cock. He ignores the fact that his son's come makes a mess, some of it getting on his designer suit and dripping all over.

Peter slumps against him, sinking onto the bed. His head falls on Tony's shoulder and he buries his face against his Mama's arm.

"Isn't this wrong, mama…?" Peter asks softly.

In that quiet, whispered sentence, Tony hears all his boy's doubts and fears. Tony can't bear to have his kid upset, so he tips Peter's face towards his and gently, lovingly, kisses the boy on the lips.

Peter's brown eyes, so like his own, widen but he doesn't scramble back. If anything, he melts into it, hands twitching at his sides, wanting to touch but unsure of where to place them.

"I love you, baby," Tony tells him. Then he smiles a bit wryly, "You love me too, don't you…?"

For a second, Peter looks a bit offended at the question before he eagerly nods, replying, "Of course, I do, mom."

He nuzzles Tony's cheek then brushes his nose against his jaw and then his neck…

"You're perfect… my perfect mama…" Peter tells him, "I love you so much… There's no one I'd love more than you…"

Tony melts and tugs Peter down onto the bed with him. The young alpha curls up against his side while Tony kicks off his ruined pants. Since those are already gone, he strips off his suit jacket and the vest beneath. As he's unbuttoning his shirt, he feels curious fingers trace along his underwear.

He looks over his shoulder, raising a brow at his touchy feely son.

Peter gives his mama a shy smile, "It looks nice on you…"

Tony looks down, grinning at the hot red lace underwear he's wearing. He hasn't had an alpha in years but he still likes to feel sexy beneath his clothes. He's also glad he wore something nice since Peter seems to love it.

"Thank you, baby," Tony says leaning down and kissing the top of his head.

He leaves his shirt on but it's entirely unbuttoned. Tony is, perhaps, a bit eager but Peter certainly appreciates it. He tilts his face up, lips puckering a bit in expectation. Amused but not willing to turn down the request, Tony takes Peter's lips in another sweet kiss.

He's practically leaning over his son when he feels Peter's cock swelling against his thigh. The joys of having such an eager and young alpha…

Peter had just started getting into the kiss when Tony pulls away.

"Mama–" Peter protests but Tony shushes him with a finger to the lips. When his boy pouts, Tony takes his finger away and pecks him on the lips.

"There's no rush, sweetheart," he tells Peter, "But hmm… How about we make you a real alpha, hmm? Would you like that…?"

Peter's wide but eager eyes are answer enough and yet, he seems conflicted.

Tony reads him easily and kisses him softly.

"Still think it's wrong?" He raises a brow.

Peter's eyes are wide and even though he shakes his head rather enthusiastically, there's still that tiny bit of doubt that shadows his face.

He wraps an arm around the boy's shoulders and gently eases Peter down on top of him. His legs spread to accommodate his son, knees cradling the boy's hips.

Peter's cock presses between his legs, firm flesh poking and dragging along his clothed pussy. It makes Tony shiver in anticipation.

He reaches between their bodies, leading his son's cock where he wants it… The tip nestles against the fabric, precome wetting the lacy material.

"Pete… You're my baby," Tony says. Their eyes lock, alpha and omega, mother and son, as Tony teases him. He rubs against his son's cock, dragging the wet tip up and down along his slit. Even with his panties in the way, it's such an intimate feeling.

He nuzzles against the boy's cheek, purring, "Part of you should always be inside me… So, do it, baby, it's okay… Put your cock inside mommy."

He wants to do badly, Tony could see it. His eyes are hooded and his lip caught between his teeth. Tony only knows he's breathing because they're pressed close.

Peter's so close to getting his first taste of omega pussy.

"...What if I'm bad at it…?" Peter mumbles then, the last thing holding him back.

He can't take his eyes away from Tony though and the desire is there… Oh God, Tony hasn't felt this kind of mutual attraction in years. His baby alpha is just so eager but so worried about disappointing Tony… It's just so sweet, so typical of Peter.

"You're a Stark, aren't you?" Tony gently teases, "Being great is in your blood."

Then Tony smirks, a confident grin that trembles when he feels Peter's hips shift forward, seeking the warmth of his body.

"Besides…" Tony murmurs as he pulls Peter closer. "I'll teach you, baby… Don't worry…"

He squeezes the alpha's cock, stroking along heated flesh. It's dripping again, so much precome and fluid, his son's cock naturally providing lubrication so it could penetrate any tight hole.

Tony's pussy clenches, slick and wetness just dripping right out of him. This entire time, he's been so focused on Peter that he's been holding back his own wants. But this… He knows it's going to be amazing.

He's so wet and his own little omega cock is stiff and aching. It's nothing compared to how his insides clench in anticipation, eager to be split apart and seeded thoroughly.

Screw the fact that he hasn't bothered with birth control in years, there's always the after morning pill. Unless…

"You wanna be safe and use a condom, baby alpha…?" Tony asks. He hates it though, loves knowing his partner is bare inside him, but if his son wants it…

Peter looks torn and says forlornly, "Do I have to…? I haven't…"

"You really should but since it's your first time…" Tony gives in easily and then, pulling his panties aside, exposes the tight little hole of his pussy for penetration. He notches the wet tip right there and murmurs, "Push in a bit, Pete…"

His boy complies and oh… Tony groans at that initial stretch, his son's fat cock nudging its way inside…

"Mama…" Peter gasps, a strangled sound as he gets his first taste of Tony's omega pussy.

His hands fly down to Tony's hips, fingers clamping down. Once the tip is swallowed down, Peter's control frays and splinters, coming undone as his hips buck up. It's harsh and uncontrolled as the alpha tries to shove into Tony's tight body.

"Mama… mama .." Peter almost pleads but Tony's a bit distracted himself.

The omega is caught in the sensation of his pussy being split apart. In his younger days, sex was easy and he was used to it. It's been… years and Tony's definitely not used to it. His tight little pussy struggles to even take Peter's cockhead and Tony breathes through the stretch.

It's not unpleasant, it's just a lot… Especially with Peter trying to greedily fuck the rest of his length inside without giving Tony time to adjust.

"Mama… I can't… gotta…" Peter's words are incoherent babbling but actions speak louder than words. With a sob, Peter forces the rest of his cock inside his omega mother's pussy.

To Tony, it feels like the breath is punched out of him. He grips his son's broad shoulders and his entire body shudders, clenching down tight on Peter's cock.

It feels so good after the initial push that Tony's body goes limp. His son covers him, dark ravenous eyes staring down at him from above.

"It feels… so good…" Peter groans, eyes rolling back, and yet… he's staying so perfectly still like he can't move. Or refuses to.

Tony gazes up at his son with hooded eyes. His pussy clenches on the thick length, tiny little hole tight from lack of use. As he lays there panting, split open on his boy's cock, Tony has a feeling that he won't be left empty now that Peter's had a taste… He knows how alphas get and the look in Peter's eyes tell him the same thing.

There's this dazed look in Peter's eyes. His mouth trembles in pleasure and his entire body strains with the need to move.

"It's okay, baby," Tony encourages, wrapping his legs around the boy's waist. "C'mon, Pete… Move… I can take it… was made to take it…"

"Mama…"

It's breathed out like a prayer before Peter shudders. He squeezes his eyes shut but starts to move, hands clamped down bruisingly tight on Tony's hips as he chases after his own pleasure.

He fucks his mama with clumsy but eager thrusts. Tony welcomes every single one, moaning into his baby's ear and encouraging him with filthy words.

"Your cock feels so good, baby…" Tony says breathlessly. "Tilt your hips like– oh, fuck, yes… Like that, baby. Oh– yes, just like… that…"

Peter tries his very best to please Tony, but being so inexperienced, he can't help but come fast. He tries to warn his omega mommy but the words get caught in his throat.

"Mama…!" Peter shudders as he empties himself inside. 

He unloads with a groan, pushing deep inside and spilling so carelessly into his mother's unprotected womb. The body under his grows so tight that it steals his breath.

"You're knotting, Pete, oh… oh, fuck–" Tony groans when he feels his son's knot start to swell.

It happens quickly, the knot filling and rubbing against Tony's insides until it's too large to pull out. His son is lost in the pleasure, completely overwhelmed as he dumps a nice thick load inside.

The realization that he's knotting comes as a surprise even though Peter knows that it logically happens. His mama feels so impossibly tight around him and it's hard for him to formulate a thought, much less words.

Thoughts about pups and the dangers of unprotected sex don't even register to the rutting alpha. All he knows is the amazing feeling of his come rushing out of him and shooting out… The way it leaves his mama so wet, he could feel it… His come crowding around his sensitive cock as the knot keeps it all plugged inside.

Tony shivers when he feels his son's cock pulse inside him. His eyes slip closed for just a moment and he images it… Peter's alpha cock inside him, white spilling everywhere as his son breeds him.

He's not on birth control and the omega shudders at the terrible thought. His son knocking him up. His hand trembles as he pets Peter's back, fingertips grazing up and down as the young alpha continues to pant against his neck.

"Mama… I'm sorry…" Peter groans when he finally realizes what he's done, "I came inside…"

That dirty wrong feeling grows and his pussy clenches down, milking every drop from his son's cock.

"It's okay, baby," Tony tells him. He turns Peter's face towards his and kisses him to show he's not mad or upset. "I've always wanted to give you a little brother or sister…"

It's said mostly as a joke, as something to show Peter that he isn't mad about it. But then Tony feels Peter's cock twitch violently inside him and he wonders…

"You like that idea, baby…?" Tony says out loud, eyes searching his boy's face. "Like the idea of knocking up your omega mommy?"

The sound Peter makes would be embarrassing any other time but Tony finds the high pitched whine cute. It tells him how badly his baby wants it… Wants to knock his omega parent up.

Tony sighs, feeling deliriously happy that their desires are in sync. He's been holding back, worried that Peter would just want some practice… But now…

"Move your hips, Pete…" Tony instructs. "You got your omega caught on your knot… Gotta keep rutting… Even if it's sensitive… Keep– Oh…"

His son obeys and moves flawlessly, burying his face in Tony's neck. The knot holds true and Tony groans when he feels it tugging against his hole but it's… It's so good…

Peter's youthful enthusiasm comes through. Even though they're still tied, he fucks Tony relentlessly. The knot only allows him an inch or two to move but that's all he needs. His thrusts are harsh and deep as he ruts into Tony's pussy, churning up all that good potent come that he's deposited inside.

Then without instruction, Peter pulls up to his knees, his strong hands dragging Tony's lower body with him so that the knot doesn't get tugged too harshly. Tony's back arches to get that perfect angle and he's seeing stars when Peter starts to hammer inside him..

His son's loud pants and cries of "Mama…!" continue as fucks Tony stupid in his childhood bed. Tony doesn't even need a hand on his own stiff little cock before he's spilling all over his stomach, clear useless drops of omega come spurting out. Peter continues to fuck him, rutting wildly in a way only newly presented alphas can.

Distantly, Tony realizes that the knot has softened… But then Peter whimpers, unhappy when his sensitive little knot slips out and is followed by a flood of his come.

"Baby–" Tony groans but Peter turns him onto his stomach before he shoves back in.

"Again," Peter growls. His cock spears right in, fucking into the sloppy wet insides of Tony's pussy. Then he murmurs, as though apologetic for his tone, "Please, mama… I need it… need mommy's pussy…"

Tony groans, pushing up onto his knees.

"Go on, P-Pete," he allows it, his entire body shaking from the force. "Go ahead, baby… Take what you n-need…"

"Thank you," Peter groans, "Thank you… It's so good, mama… So good… Wanna come inside again… Gonna do it… Gonna come inside mommy's pussy… Get every drop..."

"Do it, baby," Tony urges. "you can, you can… Come inside…"

It becomes clear that Peter isn't thinking of making it good for Tony, not when his thrusts are so rough and uncontrolled. He's just chasing after his own pleasure, hips rabbiting against Tony's ass as he roughly fucks in and out. 

He's utilizing his strength, his speed… His youth that allows him to keep him. His cock is just a blur of motion with how fast he's fucking in and out. It feels too good to stop...

Tony can only imagine just how pink his ass and thighs are from how harshly Peter's fucking him. The sloppy wet sounds make it all the worse… There's come dripping down his thighs, come being fucked back into him, come ruining the sheets beneath them…

Alphas come so much and Tony's son wasn't an exception.

Tony can feel his son's knot again. The initial knotting happened so quickly and Peter had settled deep in his body when it happened.

Being fucked like this… Even while the knot's too small, he can feel it. It pops in and out, pushing and pulling against his hole and it's a sensation unlike any other. 

Tony feels every tug as it grows and grows. He relishes the sensation, knows when his son is ready by the way the thrusts shorten… It's Peter using his freshly fucked hole… Using Tony's body to stimulate the knot so he can come again.

Unrefined and unused to sex, Peter doesn't realize that he's let the knot grows too big until he tries to push in and it's– It's too big.

Tony wouldn't let any other alpha do this, but it's his son and he wants Peter to just enjoy it. H wee can handle a bit of pain, he tells himself.

"D-do it," Tony groans and has a second to brace himself when Peter complies. He pulls back so that the very tip is settled against his opening then he shoves in with a snap of his hips.

Peter grunts while Tony whines, the knot being forcefully shoved in. Another load is deposited and he feels the way Peter spurts inside him, that thick alpha cock pumping away load after load… Trying it's best to fill him up so he gets knocked up.

Tony lays there flat on his stomach, his son pressing him down as Peter purrs, content and satisfied after coming inside twice.

The rut is in no way over but there's some downtime.

Tony grunts as he tries to nudge Peter onto his side. His boy is affectionate and acts touch starved like he can't get enough. He runs his hands over the omega's sweat damp body.

"Can we do it again…?" Peter asks, kissing the back of Tony's neck. His knot is probably ten minutes away from softening and he already wants to fuck his omega mommy.

"As many times as you want, kiddo," Tony says despite wondering if he'll survive his son's rut. "Do you wanna try my ass…? You might like it better."

Peter goes quiet for a moment but Tony doesn't notice. He's too caught up in the afterglow, relaxing in his son's arms as he considers taking the next few days off.

He shivers when Peter's fingers slip between his legs. It's a curious touch, exploring Tony's body in a way he's never had a chance to.

Tony remembers being that young and curious so he lays there, humming whenever a particular touch feels good. Peter's hands on him are almost reverent and it's so feather light when he skims over his omega cock.

Those same fingers skip south, so hesitant, as though Tony would scold him at any moment. They grow a bit more confident when he doesn't, but to Tony's surprise, Peter just rubs around the swollen flesh where his knot is locked.

"Wanna keep doing it here…" Peter murmurs, "If I can… If mama lets me… Wanna keep doing it here…"

Maybe it's not all talk, Tony thinks when Peter mouths against his neck. Tony tilts his head, sighing in pleasure when the alpha runs his tongue over the sensitive skin there.

His natural inclination is to tease the boy with his new obsession but instead, Tony trembles in excitement. He presses his hand over his alpha son's curious fingers.

"Okay, baby," Tony permits, "Mama will let you do it."

----

He should've remembered that his son was very much like him. If he had, Tony may have thought twice about giving Peter free reign over his body.

Paired with a newly presented alpha's determination to breed, Tony finds himself in quite a predicament.

He's not as young as he used to be and he realizes this when Peter shows himself to be quite insatiable. Peter doesn't even bat an eye after going three rounds. 

It helps that those rounds are short. The kid has a crazy amount of stamina in the sense that he can keep going and going and going… But he doesn't last very long during those times. At least, not yet. Peter has plenty of time to build up his experience and by the fifth time, the sensitivity had dulled so he lasts a bit longer.

The rut is harsh and demanding. Tony feels every thrust, every desperate attempt to knock him up. The amount of seed that Peter spills inside him in obscene and so much of it spills from Tony's leaking hole when the knot softens and his son pulls out.

No matter how much is wasted against the sheets, Tony knows there's more than enough left inside him. He wonders if it'll kickstart his own cycle but the thought is a fleeting one. Peter consumes all his time and attention.

It's a fuck fest. A marathon. A full blown alpha rut. And rutting alphas only have one thing on their mind. Fucking and breeding an omega.

Lucky Tony, he's the one who volunteered and gave permission. He loves his son, how could he not?

Tony doesn't regret it, not even when he feels like he's full to bursting. He marvels at the noticeable bulge Peter's come has given him, but this… Letting Peter run wild, it isn't sustainable. Tony would become an incoherent mess, fucked out and his son would probably still rut him, still keep fucking him until the urges were sated.

The omega switches tactics.

In the shower, he redirects the alpha cock to his ass instead of his sore pussy. Peter whines at the change, wanting another chance at his pussy but Tony is firm.

The thought is forgotten either way when he feels Tony's insides grip his relentless cock. It's a different kind of heat, but it's still Tony, still his mama gripping him tightly. He hammers in with stuttering breaths and gasps that echo in the shower stall.

Peter takes control. He pushes his omega mama against the slick shower tiles and fucks his ass with rough jerks of his hips. To his rut crazed mind, a hole is a hole and he's already dumped several loads in his omega's pussy. He could enjoy this for now...

The newly presented alpha finds he's as enamored with Tony's ass as he is with his pussy. The water washes away what they've done but It doesn't lessen Peter's urge to breed his own omega parent.

Unsurprisingly, the next attempt is shortly after.

One moment, Tony's reaching for something in the bathroom cabinet, the next, he's bent over the counter. His son grips his hips and a nice thick cock slides inside him. By now it's familiar and even though it aches, Tony grips the counter. His back arches into an enticing curve and it shakes with every harsh thrust.

All efforts at cleanliness are ruined when Peter comes inside him again. His fist is wrapped around his knot, preventing it from slipping in and at the last second, he pulls out. Warmth spurts of semen spill over Tony's ass and his lower back and even the omega feels his face grow warm at the claim.

The next two days pass in a blur.

Tony's meetings are canceled and Peter's first rut absence is accepted by his teacher.

His instincts run wild and Tony indulges him, taking the role of a mate and letting the alpha sate his urges in any of his holes.

And when the rut ends…

They're both exhausted and utilize the hot tub to soothe their sore muscles.

What occurred between them doesn't end when Peter's rut finally ebbs away. That's made clear when Tony slips into his son's lap, groaning in part pain and mostly pleasure when Peter's cock stretches him full once more.

They haven't used a condom once during the entirety of Peter's rut. It's not surprising to Tony when weeks later, a pregnancy test proves that he's carrying.

He wasn't even in heat when Peter knocked him up.

Tony takes his son out to dinner and surprises him with the news.

"Pregnant?" Peter's eyes grow wide with disbelief, "but you weren't even in heat, mama…"

Tony pecks him on the cheek.

"That's right, kid," Tony says with a proud smile, "Who knew that my Peter was such a stud? Knocking up his mama out of cycle."

He winks at the abashed alpha but there's a glow that sparks inside his son. Pride. Happiness. A mix of the two.

He touches Tony's flat tummy through the suit.

"I'm going to have a little brother or sister," Peter says in awe.

"A son or daughter," Tony adds. "It is your pup."

"It's my pup…" Peter echos, a bit dazed. "Mama…"

"Maybe you should start calling me Tony," the omega encourages but Peter's lips pucker a bit at the thought.

"You'll always be my mama though," he protests.

It makes Tony smile and he pats his son's hand.

"Aren't I your mate now too?" Tony teased, "Or are you going to leave your poor mom to do all the baby stuff?"

Of course, that brings so many protests and stuttering denials that Tony has to admit he was joking. He soothes his son and tells him, "You'll be a great daddy, Pete."

The alpha is in a daze for the rest of the dinner. There's a goofy but endearing smile on his face and he treats Tony with so much care and gentleness.

Tony makes sure to put an end to that. He's newly pregnant and his libido shoots up. There's no room for gentle, not now, and he convinces Peter of this in the car ride home.

The alpha doesn't need much convincing. Knocking up his omega mommy does things to his head, strokes his alpha ego to new heights and he wants Tony now more than ever. Wants to fuck him again, to remember just exactly how he impregnated his mommy.

Happy is the unfortunate victim as the limo driver but the partition, at least, gives them some privacy.

Tony rides Peter in the car, legs straining as he bounces up and down on that thick, wonderful alpha cock that got him pregnant. His son's cock. Peter holds him steady and one hand rests possessively over the non-existent bump.

Even if there's no physical evidence there yet, they both know there'll be a new Stark in under a year.

Peter begs Tony to let him do it again. He wants to breed his mommy after they have their first child. He doesn't want to stop putting his babies in Tony's tummy and Tony has half a mind to indulge him.

Instead, he kisses Peter oh so sweetly and teases him with a, "We'll see, baby. Maybe if you keep your grades up, hmm?"

Peter maintains a 4.0 GPA in his studies which isn't surprising given the fact that he's a Stark. The incentive was the main driving force though. He has an omega mate and his mama, all in one and while Tony still isn't allowed to touch a pan in the kitchen, he takes care of the alpha's other needs.

The omega's body starts to fill out, becoming softer and readying itself for motherhood. Tony laments at the loss of his trim and fit figure once the suits no longer fit, but every time he looks in the mirror, he's reminded.

He's carrying his son's baby. Inside his belly, there was a tiny bit of Peter and himself.

They talk about it and wonder. Would the baby be a girl or boy? Alpha? Omega? Beta? They didn't care what designation the baby came out with or what was between their legs. The baby was Peter's and Tony's and that's all that mattered.

Instead, they debate about what the baby would have from each parent. Peter's soft brown hair? Or Tony's darker thick hair? Peter's paler skin tone or Tony's Tanner complexion?

Regardless, they both already loved their little peanut.

The weeks pass and people take notice.  It's obvious to anyone with a nose, but the betas have put two and two together. They see Tony's tummy start to swell even more and  there's something soft and beautiful about Tony like this.

Peter is in love with the changes..

He worships his mama's body with kisses and words of adoration which Tony decides, makes up for the changes.

Every night and morning, he runs his hands all over every inch of his mama's body. He presses his ear to the now noticable baby bump and speaks quietly to their little Peanut.

"I did this…" Peter smiles when he caresses the  baby bump.

"Scoundrel," Tony quips, "This isn't how I raised you!" He drops the act and sighs when Peter nuzzles his chest.

His chest has changed, growing softer along with the rest of his body. It's natural and he knew it was coming. It had happened when he was pregnant with Peter.

"How big did you get when you had me?" Peter wonders as he nuzzles against Tony's soft chest.

He tweaks a nipple gently, knowing his mama's been complaining about soreness. 

"Not too big," Tony admits, "Maybe a handful? There's a couple of photoshoots I did at the time."

Peter has already seen them. His mama looked breathtaking in them. The photographers had played up the more feminine aspect of omegas, dressing Tony in ballroom gowns and long flowy pieces that showed off his modest chest. 

Simply… breathtaking.

He still likes to hear it from Tony. How big they grow is really genetics. Tony himself never grew that large when he was pregnant with Peter.

Tony massages his aching chest, pressing fingertips down lightly around the tissue. He notices Peter's watchful eyes and smiles.

"This isn't my first time," Tony reminds him, "And I've gone into milk before, even before I got pregnant."

That's something Peter hadn't been aware of.

Omegas can produce milk even outside of pregnancy, Peter knows. He just didn't know that Tony has tried it at some point.

"You did?"

"Mhmm," Tony says a bit proudly. "Takes some training but omegas can do it as long as there's someone that wants it."

The comment sticks in Peter's head… His mama making milk for… a boyfriend? An alpha friend? He takes over massaging Tony's chest and the omega lets him, melting against the bed and pillows he's propped upon.

"Would it be okay…" Peter murmurs, "if I…?"

A slow, teasing smile curls the corner of Tony's lips.

"You want a taste, little alpha?" Tony says outright.

Peter blushes but nods. "As long as it doesn't take away from peanut."

Tony waves a hand then features Peter to come closer. "Peanut will be fine. Our bodies adapt if there's a demand for more and…"

There's a twinkle in Tony's eye.

"Maybe you can help me out?" Tony purrs.

The mood shifts and Peter, after becoming intimately aware of his mama's increased libido, grows excited from the tone.

He curls up against Tony's side, one hand still massaging his chest. It goes from clinical to sensual, Peter's fingertips sweeping over sensitive skin.

"Anything, mama," Peter murmurs.

Tony turn Peter's face so he's nuzzling against the soft swell of his chest. "The more stimulation these get, the faster I'll come into milk. Help an O out, will you?"

Peter happily does so. He licks and sucks with his mouth while his hand massages the omega's chest. Tony hisses at the sensation, fingers curling into his son's soft hair.

There isn't any milk that day, but he's sure that it'll come soon.

Sex grows more difficult when Tony's belly grows but they're both determined. More often, they fuck with Tony on his side and Peter against back. It's the perfect position to let Peter touch his belly as he's fucking in and out of Tony's pussy. He still knots, still releases his come inside even though it serves no purpose for now.

Peter takes to his new task with great enthusiasm. He's always been an affection boy but now, he touches Tony freely like it's his right. Like he's Tony's alpha and mate.

His new favorite position is side to side while facing each other. He likes to suck on Tony's nipples, loves feeling Tony's swollen belly press against his body. It's the best feeling in the world and Tony can't deny that he enjoys it greatly, as well.

It's during one specific session that Peter finally gets a taste of his mama.

It's slow and gentle, Peter being more cautious the larger Tony's belly grows. He pushes in and out in a leisurely rhythm, his thick alpha cock already slick with his previous load. His stamina has grown and he's learned so, so much that he's even a bit cocky about it. He knows how to make Tony moan, how to tease the omega. Knows how to make him shiver with just a few words.

Beyond that, he knows what his mama looks like spent and fucked out. He's memorized the curve of his lips when he's gasping, learned every sensitive spot that has Tony clenching the sheets between his fingers.

He sucks in Tony's sensitive nipple, nursing like he once did when he was a small pup. There's a burst of sweetness that spills across his tongue. It surprises him so much that he pulls back, milky drops slipping from his lips.

There's a lingering sweetness in his mouth and it evokes a feeling in him. He was too young to remember nursing from his mama but it's still there, this feeling of safety and love.

Peter licks up the drops and purrs, pressing even closer to take the omega's nipple back into his mouth.

Tony groans when he feels the milk let out, eyes turned into slits while he's watching Peter lick it up. He feels the suction and it brings such sweet pleasure to him, it makes his back arch a bit. His grip tightens in Peter's hair and they continue that way.

Peter's mouth on his nipple, the milk continues to flow steadily with every suck. At the same time, Tony's pussy squeezes around his son's cock, massaging, and begging for another knot.

"Mama…" Peter groans when there's no more left. "It's so sweet… Mama's milk… I want more…"

He then switches to the other nipple, leaning up a bit to get to it.

His mouth latches onto Tony's nipple, eyes slipped closed as he focused on how sweet his Mama's milk his. He almost feels jealous that his little pup would get this for however long.

Tony drifts in a haze of pleasure but his hips hitch needily. Maybe with some training, he could come from just Peter nursing on him, but for now, he wants to get fucked.

"Baby," Tony groans, "C'mon, do it… how I like."

Peter looks up and pull off, leaving the nipple wet from his mouth and peaked in the cool air. The alpha notes the way Tony's eyes are hooded and his mouth is gasping, wanting.

"Love you, mama…" Peter tells him before he starts to hasten his thrusts.

"Love you–Oh!" Tony moans, tossing his head back. "Ah, that's perfect… Perfect…"

A glance down and Peter's eyes rest on Tony's chest, his nipples firm and puffy from the alpha's mouth. A single drop of cloudy milk drips from one nipple and Peter chases it as it slips down Tony's chest. He licks it up with his tongue, running the flat of it up so that he can take it back into his mouth.

Judging by the way the omega moans, Tony approves of it. His fingers curl in Peter's hair again as the alpha fucks him.

Tony floats on a haze of pleasure as Peter fucks him. He can feel the knot– His son has gotten good at holding it back but with his first sample of omega milk, it's like Peter has lost his inhibitions. His hips fuck forward as he sucks and sucks, greedily drinking from Tony.

The knot grows and grows, slipping inside at the very last second. Peter licks up the very last drops while his cock spurts inside his mama.

And like a good boy, he shares the sweetness with Tony, kissing him deeply.

"How was it, baby?" Tony murmurs when they're knotted.

"Mama tastes so sweet," Peter replies, nosing against his neck. "Was it good…?"

Tony kisses the top of his head.

"It was perfect, Pete," Tony tells him. "My perfect little alpha."

----

Tony has to buy new clothes.

His belly grows even larger and his chest is bigger than when he was pregnant with Peter.

"F-Fuck–!" Tony grunts while Peter fucks into him from behind.

He had been making something simple for breakfast. His instincts demanded to, feed and do all this domestic shit that Tony never cared for, so he tried pancakes. It should've been easy but Peter had come down and seeing his mama trying to cook for him had really turned him on.

Or maybe it's just an excuse to walk up behind Tony, pull his pants down, and slip right into his wet pussy.

The stove is off now and the pancake mix barely has barely cooked, but it's all ignored anyway. Peter just fucks and fucks, eager and hungry for something other than food.

He, at least has the decency to avoid knotting but then Tony's left with a steady deluge of come dripping down his thighs.

"You're gonna be late for class," Tony pokes Peter when the alpha pulls his pants up. "Late and hungry."

Peter gently turns him and nuzzles against his chest, squeezing them gently.

There's a suggestion in his eyes and Tony sighs, giving in. He leans back against the counter and Peter swoops in, tugging his Mama's shirt off before taking a nipple into his mouth.

"How did I raise such a smart ass," Tony wonders but there's a fondness in his tone.

Such encounters only become even more frequent. Peter ambushes him in the shower, in the tub… He has no shame in showing off his pregnant mama and no shame in asking Tony for milk right after school.

And it's become such a routine that Peter has Tony on his cock shortly after.

"These are you fault," Tony says when he models a new maternity bra.

They've grown a size larger and while it's still no where close to what beta women would have, they've become fairly large for an omega male.

Peter only hums, stepping up and testing the new bra to see how easy feeding would be. It's easy access and they have another round right there in the dressing room. Outsides turn a blind eye to it.

It's the Starks, after all.

Tony finally gives birth the next month. They hadn't asked for the gender, wanting it to be a surprise.

Peanut turns out to be a sweet faced little alpha girl and already, she takes after her mama. She has dark hair and an inquisitive gaze. She has Peter's mischievous nature, however.

Morgan had been hiding her alpha brother who surprised them all when he was delivered with an indignant wail. Soft brown curls and wide eyes, this one was the spitting image of Peter.

Peter had been wide eyed, staring at the two new Starks. His two pups. Their pups, his and his mama's.

"Overachiever," Tony teased him, "Not one, but two pups. What am I gonna do with you, Pete."

"Ah…" Peter chuckled, "My calc teacher told me I aced the final?"

"Of course, you did," Tony laughs, then gently hands over their youngest to Peter's arms.

He kisses Peter's cheek and whispers, "Congrats, alpha. On the exam and becoming a daddy."

[extreme-technicality]

does talking to an anon help about ninjago help? cuz I'm down

DHDKCKGSC YES IT DOES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OFFERING YOUR SERVICES

Okay now that I know I won’t be clogging people’s dashes buckle the fuck in my dude and I should stress that I literally would not be talking about this as much as I will be if I didn’t genuinely enjoy the show. I’m gonna go season by season and just Rant

S1 has the serpentine as the bbeg and like, as far as villains go they’re p lit. They’re early enough that they haven’t been done to hell, things are fresh, the characters and dynamics are being fleshed out, and all in all s1 is a pretty solid season. There’s some fuckery that gets brought up re: how the FUCK aging works and what the actual timeline of Ninjago is and how Wu and Garmadon fit into that timeline, fuckery that LITERALLY NEVER GETS RESOLVED IN A SATISFYING WAY BC ITS REVEALED IN A LATER SEASON (s8, dw we’ll get there lmao) THAT THE ONLY REASON THE FIRST SPINJITSU MASTER, WU, AND GARMADON LIVED AS LONG AS THEY DID IS CUZ THEYRE BASICALLY DEMIGODS AND ITS IMPLIED THAT LLOYD WILL ALSO LIVE FOR A LONG ASS TIME WHICH MEANS ONE DAY HES GONNA OUTLIVE ALL HIS FRIENDS AND EVERYONE HE EVER LOVED WHICH IS A FUN THING TO THINK ABOUT AT NIGHT But anyway I digress, s1 also coincidentally introduces Lloyd (he wasn’t in the pilot episodes that set up the rest of the series) and the existence of Evil Dad Garmadon.

S2 is where Garmadon starts acting a lot more Evil and a lot less Dad. He’s the main antagonist for that season, and I actually read somewhere that the show was originally slated to end after s2 which high key explains the fuckery of literally every single season after this lmaooooo. Much like s1, I really can’t find much to complain about, the first two seasons are pretty decent as far as I can remember

Season. Fucking. Three. Where the fuck do I start??? I hate season three for entirely personal reasons revolving around the STUPID GODDAMN ROMANCE WRITING. okay lemme back up and explain a thing first so, Jay is dating Nya and they’re fine, they’re going steady, aND THEN????? THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON INTRODUCES BULLSHIT LOVE TRIANGLE FUCKERY FOR ZERO GODDAMN REASON, BITCH I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES AND I HATE THEM EVEN MORE WHEN THEYRE DONE FOR NO GODDAMN REASON!!! AND THEN. AS IF THAT WERENT ENOUGH. THEY SHOEHORNED A ROBOT ROMANCE BETWEEN ZANE AND PIXAL AND I KNOW I RANTED ABOUT THIS A LITTLE BIT WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY WATCHING BUT I DIDNT GO INTO ENOUGH DETAIL!!!! THEY MADE THE OTHER NINJA OOC IN ORDER TO PROP UP THEIR SHIP!!!!!! AND AT ONE POINT ZANE GOES “its like we were…made for each other” AND I HAD TO FUCUCJDHVE I HAD TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW BRO, IM SO TIRED!!!! NO THE FUCK YOU WERENT!!!!!! YOU WERE MADE FOR YOU AND PIXAL WAS MADE FOR PIXAL AND IF YALLS WANNA BANG BOLTS THATS FINE BUT DONT IMPLY THAT EITHER OF YOU WERE MADE INCOMPLETE!!!! THATS AN INSULT TO YOUR MAKERS AND YOURSELVES, MOVE ON, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. anyway that season also killed Zane (for the first time, but not the last) (spoiler alert lmao) and like, not to be an emotional little shit but I did cry a bit at his funeral.

S4 is honestly one of my favorites, even though the romance crimes continue (the love triangle bullshit is continuing and honestly I maintain that Cole, Nya, and Jay should all have gotten together and in my personal canon they DID, and also Kai has a forced romance) the VILLAIN makes up for it imo. He’s campy!! He’s funny!! He’s a clown!! He’s serious enough that if he says “I’m gonna kill you” HE MEANS IT and that’s so fucking refreshing!!!! S4 is honestly 8/10 just for the villain alone, don’t like that it retconned the SHIT out of the elemental masters and how many different elements there are TO master but eh, it’s ninjago, shit is stupid.

S5 was…interesting? OH WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT S3 INTRODUCED A GARMADON WHO WAS A LOT LESS EVIL AND A LOT MORE DAD, HONESTLY I THOUGHT IT TOOK A LOT OF THE FLAVOR OUT BUT THATS JUST ME LMAOOO. anyway s5 killed Garmadon, and I was a little sad cuz I like him okay??? I just think he’s NEAT, he’s got big dad energy, he was teaching Lloyd some shit that just got DROPPED and literally was never brought up again which is honestly a theme in Ninjago. Ninjago drinking game: take a shot every time they introduce a plot point or ability and drop it at or before the end of the season. WHICH THEY ALSO DID IN S5 WITH A DIFFERENT POWER ACTUALLY, so all the ninja are masters of Spinjitsu right, well s5 introduced the concept of Airjitsu which only Spinjitsu masters can learn and it lets them FLY and they used that for seasons 5 and 6 and then they nEVER BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN EVEN THOUGH IT WOULDVE COME IN HANDY FOR S E V E R A L DIFFERENT SITUATIONS ACROSS THE SEASONS, ONE OF THEM WOULD BE FALLING TO THEIR DOOM AND MY ASS WOULD BE YELLING “YOU CAN FLY, DUMBASS” - anyway, they do that again later lmao it’s fine. But what’s low key NOT fine is they made Nya the WATER NINJA!!! Like I’m not mad she has powers, except I kinda am, she was doing just fine as Samurai X and honestly the only reason she has super special ninja powers is for plot reasons. Also Cole got turned into a ghost, but by s7 he’s????? No longer a ghost????????? And that’s NEVER addressed or reasoned away, so like. Cool lmao

S6 didn’t happen. Like, canonically, s6 ends with wish fuckery that undoes the entire season and none of the characters remember anything that happened except Jay and Nya because S6 is the season where they get back together so they remember all those events for???? Feelings reasons?????? Unclear, moving on. The actual bbeg for S6 was a djinn with a vaguely Spanish accent, and to this DAY I don’t know why they made him have a SPANISH accent. Djinn are Arabic, not Spanish!! They’re not central or South American, either!!!! Your villain design makes no sense, do better

S7 had MORE time fuckery, and retconned what happened to Kai and Nya’s parents and hmmmhmhmhmhmhm that makes me Upsetti Spaghetti :3 not just the retconning, but the fact that they LITERALLY brought them back oNLY TO NEVER MENTION THEM AGAIN!!!!!! LITERALLY!!!!!!!! Okay so at the VERY very beginning, like pilot episodes beginning, Kai talks about their dad like he died/left fairly recently, BUT s7 contradicts that and claims that both of their parents were essentially abducted when Kai and Nya were little kids, which makes me question what in the fresh fuck two little kids were doing for all those years alone. SETTING THAT ASIDE FOR A HOT SECOND, their parents were also apparently good friends of Wu’s and old war buddies (from the Serpentine wars, which is YET ANOTHER bit of the timeline that doesn’t quite add up but honestly I could make a whole other post about that shit). But if they were such good fucking friends, why didn’t Wu check in every now and again??? What the fuck was Wu doing that was so fucking important that he couldn’t have been assed to visit his friends ONCE in like TEN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS and realize “oh shit, they’re not here and there are two tiny children running around unsupervised…My Kids Now : )” LIKE????? WU YOU LOW KEY SHOULDA LOOKED OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS’ KIDS BETTER, THEY COULDA DIED BRO!!! Uhhhh the time fuckery also results in Wu getting yeeted ahead in time a bit and the ninja gotta find him

Season. Eight. I have…mixed feelings about this one. The beginning absolutely SLAUGHTERED me, and not in a “this is so fucking funny” way. No, the beginning made me feel like I was being flayed alive with just about every episode because Ninjago was back on its forced romance bullshit and this time it was Lloyd’s turn on the chopping block. That hurt my soul cuz like, look at that mans color scheme, he’s CLEARLY alloaro, why are you forcing romance on my aro man, why would you hurt me like that, BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE AND THE GIRL HE WAS BEING SET UP WITH HAD A LITTLE HEART TO HEART REALLY EARLY ON AND IT WAS THE MOST QUEER CODED SHIT!!!! IT DEADASS READ AS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN AN OUT AND PROUD QUEER AND A CLOSETED QUEER AND THEY MADE!!! IT!!!!! STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! The only thing that kept me watching at first was wanting to find Wu, and then I started enjoying myself once Cole found a plot-relevant baby and had fatherhood thrust upon him. Everything went from “ehhhhh” to “holy shit this FUCKS” once it was revealed that Rumi (Lloyd’s love interest) wAS PLAYING HIM THE WHOLE TIME AND WAS EVIL AND HAD AN EVIL GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! LITERALLY IMPROVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SEASON FOR ME, I COULD EVEN FORGIVE THE WHOLE “let’s resurrect Garmadon, but as evil as possible” BULLSHIT!!!!!!

S9 is a continuation of s8, Garmadon is back and 1000% Evil, 10% Dad, but none of the Dad energies is directed at Lloyd - it’s all directed at Rumi, and honestly I could write a whole ass post on just RUMI cuz that’s honestly my DAUGHTER and I LOVE HER and I’m MAD SHE DIES AT THE END OF THIS SEASON!!!! SHE DESERVED THERAPY AND TO LIVE WITH HER GF AND MAYBE SOME CRIME. AS A TREAT. RUMI DESERVED BETTER AND LOW KEY IM GONNA WRITE A FIC ABOUT IT, BUT ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Ah right, so s9 has the four major Ninja stuck in the original dimension with no way home, while Lloyd has no powers (cuz he almost died last season) and has to somehow lead a resistance against Garmadon (who has taken control of Ninjago City and is working on the rest of Ninjago). Actually, s9 is pretty cool. Like, the end of s8 and into s9 are low key my favorite episodes, and I kinda wanna rewatch them now -

S10 is a FUN one. Garmadon got got last season, but he didn’t DIE, so he’s in cold storage and now there’s Another Threat and he’s the only one who knows wtf they’re up against so they let him out and he works with them. The funny part is, he is still Very Much Evil and doesn’t quite Get emotions like he did when he was, uh, human lmao, sO HE WOKE UP EVERY DAY DURING THAT SEASON AND DECIDED TO CAUSE PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING SHIT. 1000000/10 MY FAVORITE GARMADON, he ended that season by literally fucking off into Ninjago and they never decided to track him down 😭😭😭😭😭and I’m so SAD about it dude

S11 has another Serpentine as the bbeg, though in the setup to that they retconned how the fucking Serpentine tribes and history work??? I think???? Also Wu was a good 150% angrier and generally Done with the ninja’s shit, which was honestly refreshing tho I’m not quite sure I liked what the refreshed view was, but whatever lmao. S11 also had the ninja get yeeted to the dimension farthest from Ninjago, and honestly - okay, so they didn’t all go at the same TIME, Zane left about a week or two before the others did but there was time dilation fuckery afoot which I’m not too mad about cuz low key it makes sense. What I AM mad about is that they didn’t play the angst up to its full POTENTIAL!!!!!! Zane was EVIL in the other dimension!!!! Okay so I’m Ninjago he was only gone for maybe a week or two, but DECADES had passed in the other one, and all that time Zane was alone and disconnected from everyone he knew and loved, with a staff that boosted his power while slowly corrupting him and Turning Him Evil to help him, and like???? The thought of Zane trying to find a way home, trying to get SOME sort of message back, while he has to use the staff more and more to help him survive the long, lonely decades, so that by the time his family DOES show up its too late??? BRO. B R O. THAT JUST HITS DIFFERENT, BUT NINJAGO DIDNT DO THAT!!! THEY MADE HIM EVIL DUE TO MEMORY WIPE!!!!!! MEMORY WIPE IS BABY SHIT COMPARED TO A LONG, SLOW CORRUPTION!!!!!!

S12 was alright. It went into Cole’s mom, touched on some of the adventures she had had, threatened another forced romance (this time on poor Cole, just leave my mans ALONE) but thankfully didn’t follow through this time, introduced cool new powers that honestly hasn’t been elaborated on since that’s the most recent season I think lmao

Anyway thanks for reading and letting me rant!!!! I have,,So Much More I could talk about, PLEASE ask me about Rumi, some of my headcanons re: Garmadon and Wu’s dynamic, the Serpentine, my top five times they butchered Kai’s character for Plot Reasons, or anything else I brought up here that you want me to elaborate on!!!