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#and now it is very likely im about to get sick again
ch4mpagnedrought · 23 hours
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compensation
[full series]
mdni ! art donaldson
summary: you and art cant help but try and compensate for everything you’re missing out on now that tashi and patrick are together.
ever since tashi had suggested a game of tennis for her number and patrick won, its left you and art to roam around the stanford campus like two little lost puppies, begging for their attention when patrick comes to visit tashi.
patrick has made it impossible to get a hold of the girl, her dorm room always locked and her absence in the daily work-outs the two of you usually have made very obvious. not to mention the betrayal art must be feeling, having his best friend be only in the adjacent building to him, but never coming to actually see him.
you’ve had to find ways to preoccupy yourselves, and stop you from going on an angry rampage, like;
hitting racket to ball in the middle of the court, not even bothering to play a real game. “my prof is making me rewrite my whole assignment this week.” you complain, aiming the ball at the green fencing at the sides and watching it bounce back in art’s direction for your own botched version of squash. he laughs loudly, “who knew you were so bad at everything besides tennis.” you shoot him a scowl and his eyes widen, shoulders shrugging unapologetically as he swings his arm once again.
spring fading into summer means that evenings still have a little light in them, and you fight the urge to lie straight down on the tarmac and look up at the greying sky. the light breeze washes through art’s strawberry blonde hair, swaying it to the side to expose his brows that furrow when you let the ball bounce away between your legs, looking at him with a tense expression. the thought that tashi and patrick were somewhere doing god knows what (you knew what) and completely ignoring you made a reappearance in your head suddenly, and it boiled your blood. “ugh! im gonna kill them!” you huff out, grabbing the ball from the ground and stomping to where you left your stuff. art’s arm finding the both of your shoulders, “ditto that.”
having lunch at the food hall together: waiting in line for the same exact salad that you get every day, curtesy of your game-preparation meal plan and taking a seat on the bar stools that overlook the rest of the campus. stabbing your fork into the frail pieces of lettuce in your plastic bowl, art taking another bite of his churro in silence and licking away all the rouge sugar particles from his lips. “you know, patrick didn’t even bother to call me about his visit.” art says, taking off his red baseball cap just to put it back on his head again. “what a dog.” you scoff, shaking your head and taking a sip of your smoothie that tastes a little grainy from the protein powder. you would’ve continued to rant if you hadn’t spotted tashi and patrick walking hand-in-hand in the distance, all smiles and giggles; it makes you sick. “look.” you point it out to art and he mocks patrick in a high-pitched voice, “hey tashi aren’t i so cool? i play pro and i’m totally not cheating on you.” you chuckle, leaning over to snag a bite of his churro.
and confiding in each other in art’s dorm late at night, when the haunting noises coming from the other side of your wall get too much.
his room is surprisingly so…boyish. a couple posters of tennis stars on the walls that seem so out of place, like he put them there for the sole purpose of taking up space. his medals are hung up on the corner of his wardrobe, tinkering on the edge and there is an unidentified pile of clothing in the corner.
his sheets are a deep maroon colour and you lie flat across them, both of your heads leaning on the single flat pillow he owns, legs crossed. his ceiling has remnants of a water leak the university tried to paint over and you study it from below. “i wonder what they’re doing right now.” art hums, putting his hands behind his head, and letting you rest your head on his bicep.
you shoot up, glancing down at him, one brow lifted and eyes narrow, “i can tell you exactly what they’re doing right now,” you say, scrambling up onto your knees, “’patrick i need your racket right now!’’’ you moan tauntingly, rolling your eyes back and crossing your arms over your chest. art cackles, stomach contracting and grabbing onto your shoulder for support. his hand is pumping warm with blood, hovering over your skin for longer than socially acceptable, and his fingers caressed by the long strands of your curly hair that fall at your sides.
running over to his room meant that you hadn’t had enough time to grab a change of clothes to sleep in, so he graciously lent you one of his t-shirts, a navy one with white embroidered writing that you hadn’t bothered to read, which prods at the aching in his head to see you without it.
“when was the last time you slept with someone?” your question catches art off guard, lying back down next to him and watching the blush creep up onto his cheeks, eyes darting away somewhere to think of an answer. “oh come on, was it that unforgettable?” you laugh. he knew when exactly when the last time was, but the thought that him sleeping with someone had crossed your mind, putting the idea of the two of you together into his own had clouded his head, making it unbearably difficult to think, or speak.
“maybe last month” art estimates when the last time he saw the girl in one of his classes that he casually slept with from time to time, your expression remaining unchanged, which whirls something inside of his stomach. you nod, smile spreading across your lips, and eyes glancing down to art’s partially parted ones. art adjusts himself, propping his head up with his hand and looking down at you, “when was the last time that you slept with someone?”
its unclear to him whether you're joking with your response. “ask me that tomorrow.” it spins his head until he sees double, having to shut his eyes for a second to regain consciousness. your nonchalant smile quite frankly irks him, because you seem so unaware of how he is sliding the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip, preparing just incase you decide that you want to kiss him. or the fact that he moved his leg upwards along the bed to cover his raging boner at just the mere idea of you and him together.
the shirt he lends you rides up on your hips, obviously showing off the black panties that you’re wearing and the neck-line hangs low enough to show the indent of your collarbone that he imagines licking a stripe over.
you thrum, looking up at art through dark eyelashes, “isn’t it so unfair how tashi and patrick can ignore us just to get at each other?”
he got the hint, every crumb you’ve put down he’s followed and scooped up all in one go, sighing out a weak, “yeah” that sounds more like a whine, and leaning down to kiss you on the lips.
the taste of your lip gloss he had missed sweetens his mouth immediately and the faint smell of a chocolatey lotion on your skin sends him into complete overdrive, left hand desperately reaching for the side of your face to take you deeper into him. he sinks himself down, pressing his chest into yours and disconnecting his lips to breathe out a groan at the sensation of your boobs against him like a boy who's never felt them before.
his face is burning hot, lips even hotter as they move simultaneously with yours, covering the perimeter of your mouth with long and drawn out movements to fully get the taste of you hes been dreaming of ever since that hotel room. his hands roam down to the curvature of your waist, taking a strong grip to it to make sure his fingerprints forever remember it, then down to your hips, kneading the flesh.
with him over you, he pulls away from your arms that are wrapped around his neck, pulling the hem of his shirt to unveil your midriff and the black lace that frames your lower waist, your thighs pressed together to catch the heat that he manifests within you, “oh my god.” it might just be the lewdest sight he has ever seen, along with your swollen lips that are glistening with his saliva.
he can barely keep away the moans that try to escape his mouth when he lowers himself down to you, eager lips pressing into your hip, lapping at the surface of your skin with a desperation only art could have, along the hem of your panties, and back up your stomach while your fingers entangle with his blonde locks.
your pulse quickens, exhaling his name out when his finger pulls your underwear to the side, letting the air hit your leaking core, a smile playing at art’s lips. “please, please art.” you moan out, squeezing your eyes shut and letting the sensation of one of his digits swiping through your folds overcome you.
he nibbles at your inner thighs, soft licks soothing the area as one of his fingers slides inside you, while the other gropes at your breast through your shirt. his mind is completely consumed by you, watching every change in your expression with his fingers pumping in and out of you, flush on your face and brows knitting every time he draws back.
your legs instinctively move over his shoulders, trapping him around you to continue the motion and giving him the chance to tilt his head to the side, pressing a kiss to the thigh that is thrown over him. “is this okay?” he asks, caressing a hand down your calf and watching the way your hand reaches out to grab him by the wrist.
“lie down art” you keen, his eyes narrow and he pulls back with a sense of confusion that is overrode with your impatience, ushering him below you. so he does, leaning against the headboard whilst you throw yourself onto his hips, his jaw tilting upwards to unconsciously fulfil the want of his lips devouring the whole of your figure.
the shirt he lent you doesn’t last long, ending up in the pile on his floor and letting him ravish in the sight of your bare torso. he gasps out your name, wandering hands reaching out to massage your breast, flesh filling out the gaps between all five of his fingers. “take this off” you strangle out, gesturing to the shirt he is wearing, disheveled hair falling back into his face that burns hot when you let your eyes roam down to his abdomen. even the weight of your ass pressing into his dick through his shorts is teetering him to climax, hands not knowing where to put themselves when he wants to grab a hold of all of you.
your fingers wrap around the waistband of his shorts that he is wearing, pulling down his boxers at the same time and freeing his erection to slap back onto his stomach, recalling something patrick said about the time he taught art to jerk off. the palm of your hand ghosts his cock, restraining yourself from taking it into your hands there and then, “can i?” even the way you sigh out the question has the hairs on art’s arms standing up and mouth swallowing saliva in anticipation. “yes, yes.” he whines, brows furrowing up at you and all of his muscles tensing.
with a gentle touch, he guides you above him, his hands at your sides as you spread yourself open for him, sinking down only to the tip before he grabs your waist and pauses in the position. he looks like a little helpless, bottom lip between his teeth and an alarmed look in his face that says if you go any further he’ll come right now. “i’ll go slow,” you whisper, a small smirk on your face that’s hard to resist when his shimmering eyes try to find the last slither of dignity within him, “i promise.” you smile reassuringly and he glances away, the flush in his cheeks getting a little deeper.
you keep your promise, slowly lowering yourself down onto him, goosebumps fevering your skin and palms laying flat across his abdomen to steady yourself.
taking him in completely, you whimper out his name and his hands journey to graze your back, up to your shoulder blades where he presses them into you to pull you into him, mouth suctioning down the valley of your breasts. his moans vibrate back into your skin when you pull back up from him, stimulating every single nerve ending in his length like it never has before. you set a pace, slow and steady for art, snapping your hips down onto his in a way that knocks the wind out of you each time, gasping for air. he keeps you close to him, rolling his hips to meet you in the middle and put some of that athlete stamina to use and murmuring your name with every movement.
his finger moves your hair from your shoulder, so he can press soft pecks onto the surface, whilst you clutch the wooden headboard, growing impatient and consequently pounding him into you. his moans purr into your ear, grabbing onto your ass to keep you still as he thrusts himself into you from below and shakily calling out an, “im gonna come.”
you nod, clasping around his biceps and leaning down to nip at his neck, losing composure the more your walls contract around him. you ignore the muscles in your legs that ache and your lungs that can’t seem get a hold of the air that is shared between you to continue to mercilessly plunge him deeper into you until it feels like you’re melting into one another, a shudder sending itself down your bare back and deepening the heat that builds in your core.
art is panting, popping your tit into his mouth one last time before falling still, twitching inside of you and releasing all of his seed into you until it overflows from below. your name echoes out of his mouth, whimpering and whining it out until he can open his eyes back up and centre his vision on you burning every last bit of energy to bounce on his dick.
you lean forward onto him, eyes rolling back into your head when reaching your climax and pressing your burning cheek against his face to feel all of him. he brushes his hand down your back comfortingly, you heaving into the crevice of his neck that glistens with sweat and feeling your walls contract around him the last couple times.
art sighs your name out, pressing his lips into your cheek and letting a smile spread across his face when you brush the dampened hair out of his forehead to get a better view of his eyes.
your body feels limp, falling back down next to him with a post-sex fatigue that follows you all the way into the next morning, where you sit at a table in the food hall, thanking art for bringing you some breakfast and trying to ignore the echoing of all the noises he made last night in your head.
“fuck i really need to work on that assignment today” you groan, taking a bite into a slice of honeydew with your head in the palm of your hand. art watches and nods, a false portrayal of an active listener when what he’s really focusing on is the way your lips curl around the slice, biting off a chunk and closing your lips around it in a way that makes him reminisce that he was right there too only a couple hours ago. “i can help.” he offers, truly from the kindness of his heart that kindly wants to spend the rest of his life looking at you.
“you wish.” you scoff, “i’m not allowed to be alone in a room with you anymore.”
art takes a swig of his water to hide the grin that spreads on his face, and when he makes eye contact with a random student from across the hall he feels like they heard that too. he wishes they could hear, and know that you, the best tennis player stanford has probably ever had, are having to physically restrain yourself from him.
“what are you smiling about?” the familiar voice of patrick calls out from a few strides away, in a pair of indigo levis and a white tee, grabbing onto arts shoulders and lowering himself down to his level to grab his chin playfully. art swats him away immediately, pushing patrick down into a chair. and tashi grazes your shoulders softly with her hand when taking a seat next to you and stealing a piece of your fruit from your bowl, “good morning.”
“morning.” you sigh out, taking a sip of your tea and hoping that it isn’t totally obvious that you slept with your friend. but tashi takes notice of the slight frizz in your hair, a dishevelled-ness that is never usually there, so it wasn’t her intention to call you out in front of the four of you when she asks, “why do you look hungover?” she even moves a piece of your hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear to get a better look at the colour under your eyes. your brows furrow, eyes glancing to the left of you at the two boys whose expressions couldn’t be anymore different. art’s poker face is awful, he’s trying to keep his face composed but his posture slumps under the weight of patrick’s hand that spreads across over his shoulder, the corner of his mouth turned up into a smirk.
you shrug nonchalantly, taking another bite of your breakfast to act like your lungs aren’t constricting and you aren’t going into fight or flight, “late night i guess.”
theres a moment of silence, everyone in their heads peacefully while you wish you could get into art’s and find out what he’s thinking about your pathetic lie.
“nice shirt.” patrick says.
“thanks." you reply, swiping over the embroidered ‘mark rebellat tennis academy’ with a finger and looking up at patrick, who meets your eyes with a knowing smirk that makes you feel silly for not assuming that patrick would have memorised art’s whole closet, or recognise the school they went to.
and when patrick squeezes art’s shoulder and asks whether he is “up for a game?” you suddenly become hyper aware of how much his gaze slips past art’s eyes and down onto you as they stand up from the table, eyes squinting and a stupid smile on his face. the combination is so piercing you’ve become aware that even if tashi believed your lie, and art thinks he’s got away scott free—he knows, and he’s letting you know.
his hand ruffles the hair on art’s head, arm falling over his shoulders and drawing him into himself, “we have a bunch of catching up to do, art.” he keeps art close to him as they walk away towards the tennis courts, leaning in to whisper something into his ear after the both of them briefly turned around to wave you and tashi goodbye.
tashi seems unphased by their behaviour, continuing to braid a small of piece of your hair that she unconsciously started. “you know patrick’s about to tell art all about your get together.” you chuckle and tashi scoffs, leaning back into her chair, “he wouldn’t say anything” she reassures, “also we didn’t even do anything.” she adds in quickly, stealing another piece of watermelon from your bowl and taking a bite to avoid talking about the topic like you hadn’t just done that. you smile at her, and she widens her eyes to let you know that she’ll tell you all about last night later.
“i wouldn’t be so sure.” you shake your head, stealing back the half-bitten melon from in between her fingers and finishing it off.
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eminsunnytoons123 · 2 days
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@splashy900 @kxllboii @aquamarine-dream-queen @dayzsaclark @oscarandgrinchfan @moshywoosh @ilovescaredysquirrel2 @nuggetaubrey @sharkyy599 @nightkit92 @familyoffood @mysafespaceblog13 @thelazzyblogzz @sugar-miss1 @shrimpathizer @shypeachrunaway @iggyguyy @sayuri-does-skits @typical-sophie @peaceforpeople @ben5569 @itsmyaltaccountforshiitybloglol0 @ducktoonz903707 @artismeyou-12 @blackstar044 @acen402 @diego-r-the-artist-2009 @nia1sworld @rumplestiltsbear @s4gefr0g @beeware-of-lulu @leafith @bluebird-in-a-cagedrawing @muppet-fan-frr @thegroovyskull @blo0st4r @vickymcsworld @fancytigercupcake And @muppet-fan-real And @cheezekennith
I know I already tagged y'all yesterday on my Mr Yin And Mr Min, Tanya, kaylie And Mackenzie, And principal luna post, but this is just again for y'all to know what I have went through... And Im not doing this for comfort or to guilt trip, I just wanna let all my loved ones in my tumblr family to know what I've went through when I was a very little boo-boo (even on march this year...) And some of these songs I relate to forgot to mention them.
Heres again all the songs from my top favorite Singer Melanie Martinez that I relate to even the explanations to them And why I relate to them:
youtube
Dead to me - imagining killing someone in your head after they betrayed you (my old obssesive girl best friend Sara in my old School...)
youtube
Crybaby - being extremely sensitive And cant control your tears
youtube
Alphabet boy - trying to prove you're smarter than someone else And being treated like a baby (with my old friends anons crew And even other four besties I had until march this year..)
youtube
Pacify her - jealousy
youtube
Training wheels - Wanting to take a relationship to another level
youtube
Piggyback - wanting real friends and being sick And tired of having fake friends (in my old School..)
youtube
Wheels on the bus - being bullied and being mocked And not doing anything about it (again, my old School..)
youtube
Nurses office - faking illness to go home And avoid getting bullied (my old School.)
youtube
Strawberry shortcake - sexualization of girls
youtube
Lunchbox friends - fake And obssesive friends (my old School And old obssesive friend Sara.)
I'll make a part two now.
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sturniolo04 · 3 days
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Sick M.S.
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Bf!Matt x Gf!Fem!Sick!Reader
Summary: in which Ellie gets sick in front of her boyfriend.
TW: Mentions of throw up
Matt's POV: Me and Ellie have been dating for a year now can you believe that! We are just now getting back from our anniversary dinner. We went somewhere really exotic and different. In my opinion it was good considering i am very picky about what i eat on a day to day basis.
Me and ellie were now sitting in our shared room in my joined house with my brothers and she was sitting on the bed watching me play fornite while she  posted on instagram for the day
@itzEllie
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Liked by chrissturniolo and 777,989 others
Tagged: @mattsturniolo
@ itzEllie: Happy one year luv
Comments: 10.2k
@ nicolassturniolo: ahh love this
@ chrissturniolo: why do you have to make me feel so single bruh @ itzEllie
@itzEllie: @ chrissturniolo sorry bud
I look up in Ellie's direction to see her turned sitting uncomfortably on the bed with her hand on her stomach.
Matt; you okay Ellie
i aksed looking at her concerned
Ellie:..
Matt: Ellie
i said again seeing she had put her head in her lap.i get up and go over to her rubbing her back slightly.
Matt; do you need anything
Ellie: I dont feel good Matt
she replies weakly
Matt: im sorry is there anything i can do
he replies back looking around the room slightly not knowing really what to do.
Ellie: i feel like throwing up
she finally admitted honestly. Its rare that Ellie ever gets sick and when she is she makes sure Matt doesnt know about it.
Ellie leans over in her seat more.
Matt: Ellie i am getting worried what can i do
Ellie sits up slightly looking okay but then throws up all over the floor and on Matt
Matt; Ellllliiiieeeeee
he quietly exclaims as he covers his mouth shocked as what just occurred
Matt:  are you okay
he states worried about her but also completely grossed out.
Ellie: its all over your floor matt im sorry
she whines out
Ellie: i'll clean it up i promise just..
she rambles hoping Matt isnt made about her throwing up everywhere
Matt: oh my god no Ellie its okay i will clean it up
he sighs out proceeding to rub her back slightly
Matt: its okay i promise just got get cleaned up
he states directing her to his bathroom
Ellie: i dont feel good Matt
Matt: i know just go shower ill clean this up is there anything you need
Ellie: No its okay im sorry
she states getting up weakly walking over to the bathroom
Ellie's POV: i feel really bad about throwing up on Matt but i couldnt stop it. it makes me feel bad about how i messed up his floor and clothes
Matt's POV: i got everything kind of cleaned up and discarded my clothes grabbing new ones as Ellie walked out of the bathroom with her hair up in a ponytail and an abnormally large hoodie which was probably mine.
Matt:  how do you feel Ellie
Ellie: like shit.. i mean i can go home and be sick there so i dont get you sick
Matt: WHAT Ellie no come here
he exclaims as he holds his arms open as she walks over to him
Matt: that is the least of my worries
Ellie: Im sorry
Matt: Oh my god Ellie stop apologizing its okay
she shudders a little as he chuckles a little
Ellie: okay
she sighs out as he rests his head on top of hers
Matt: its okay Ellie
Taglist
@adirtylittleheart @mintsturniolo
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tastyflowers · 1 year
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being immunocompromised at christmas is a blast. sitting across the table from "oh it's fine i did a test it isn't covid 😇 coughcoughcoughcoughcough" cool i'll just fuck myself i guess!
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puppyeared · 6 months
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save me old flipnote studio MVs.......
#im going thru old flipnotes i used to watch years ago and ouggghhg so many good ones#is twenty one pilots still popular.... do people still remember the TRNDSTTER and marble soda meme.........#its like im unlocking some sort of primal part of my brain and everything is coming back to me. one of my biggest inspirations as a kid#i still remember thinking the final transmission lyrics were the coolest thing and watching =TopHat= Bee and Melissa over and over#theres a very specific feeling of longing and nostalgia looking back and watching these again years later#especially when there isnt anything genshin or mcyt and instead its either fnaf undertale eddsworld or another obscure#interest... and not even fnaf sister location its like fnaf 3 and 2. its THAT old. and a lot of oc MVs especially pokemon ocs and furries..#god but they were so creative u know. i still find it amazing ppl took this little lightbox animation on the fucking NINTENDO DS and#cranked it all the way to 11.. like if u look at the transitions and movement its so fucking fluid its insane..!! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE#CHARACTERS SPIN??? AND CHANGING CAMERA ANGLES??? and keep in mind youre doing this all with a shitty stylus#on a THREE BY TWO INCH SCREEN. you only get two layers you can go up to 29FPS and you only have 999 slides to work with#and 24FPS eats up a lot of that. absolutely insane it literally boggles my mind every time i think about it. AND SOME ARE EVEN FULL COLOR#i forgot how popular EDM was back then too...they were really good for timing beats though so you get a lot of MVs with#strobe last and marble soda. porter robinsons goodbye to a world was also popular with undertale and oc MVs. also a lot of vocaloid#someone made a flipnote abt the warner bros fnaf movie being announced EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. it even used the stay calm audio from#the office.... i wonder how theyre doing now... i love you shitty grainy MV audio.. but i have mixed feelings abt the flashing colors#ppl LOVED animating the sans vs frisk fight. aishite and primadonna were also big ones they were SICK AS FUCK#lots of these inspired my old oc designs.. a lot of my characters had side bangs with one eye covered. animal ears and simple eyes too#now i kinda wanna try my hand at the marble soda meme cause i loved it as a kid lol.. i wonder if i should compare my old and new art here#UGHHHH IM SO NORMAL ABOUT NOSTALGIA. IM SO NORMAL ABT MY SCHOOL BOOK DRAWINGS WITH SHIBA BROWS#yapping#nostalgia
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theygender · 4 months
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Drank a vitamin water today that made my tongue tingle almost as if it was carbonated for no discernable reason (I drink this flavor all the time so I know that's not normal. checked the expiration date and checked for holes in the bottle but everything looked fine?) and then for dinner I accidentally ate undercooked tilapia. Am I going to die
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hella1975 · 9 months
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my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be
me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha
#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience#basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night#where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything#it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young#and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again#but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good#and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get#it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough#and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced#i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up#and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it#and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN#TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY#and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it#im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday#what is even going on anymore#also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do#actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk#and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd#i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3#hella goes home
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titan-god-helios · 9 months
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fuck, audhd burnout is a bitch.
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hecksupremechips · 1 month
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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n7punk · 1 year
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i want a neopets nostalgia website you can't log into, it just always looks like you're logged in to the original site circa late 2000s and the main purpose of the fansite is just to recreate the feeling of going onto neopets to do your dailies as a kid. you can click around the world map, and take something from the omelet even though you don't have an account and thus an inventory, and you can spin the wheels, and you can go look in the shops even though you cant really buy anything, and you can go play the old flash games because they've been converted somehow, and maybe there's even a fabricated issue of the neopian times you can check. like it's all very simplified and obviously entire sections of the site like the battle dome would be missing, but you can Get That Feeling again just by poking around. no accounts, so no logging in needed and no large server space or cybersecurity required for the host (not that the real neopets ever had the latter), i just want to click on little secrets on the world map and play the hannah trilogy or ice cream factory or caves & corridors again
#i watched the neopets controversies history video like two weeks ago and ive been thinking about neopets ever since#feel like shit just want her back....#i have literally 0 clue what the site looks like now but i bet its Very Different#and i know a lot of games got lost in the flash conversion#like ive been tempted to make an account just to poke around one more time but 1) i hate making accounts#and 2) they have proven that they cannot handle the pressure of not giving your info out#i want to experience mcdonalds in-the-game era neopets again you feel me#in my perfect vision for this website even the random encounters are scripted into the pages with a boosted chance of occuring#since you're not going to be on the site long and they like. all have static references like its always One Pet In The Code that gets sick#or This Item that gets given or stolen#so it would be a lot simpler and still work with a dummy account page#but it would be there.... like even the money tree would be there just on a static cycle#that would be greatly reduced from how it worked actually lol#also does ANYBODY remember the game with the berries where you tried to get as many of them together as possible i cant remember the name#(also im going to continue gathering replies on that thing for a bit so you get neopets posting instead)#words and things#update: i went to the neopets website and its literally links to their merch and shit#i mean i know theres content there once you log in but wheres MY neopets!!
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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theskywaslookingback · 11 months
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My dad: *texts my mom the day after Father’s Day to see if I was mad at him because I didn’t call him*
Also my dad: *sends me a text on Easter and then radio silence for months* *does not call to ask if I have plans for my birthday* *does not text to check in on me* *does not invite me over to his house for anything ever* *allows my stepmom to use his money to prioritize her kids over me* *literally doesn’t ever act like he wants anything to do with me actually* *cancels or changes plans at the last minute because he decides he wants to drink instead* *offers to help my mom pay my car payments and then never does* *gets us gym memberships and then cancels them without warning because he didn’t have the money and just doesn’t tell me* *cannot hold a thirty second conversation without mentioning ‘the Chinese threat’ or ‘Covid was invented by democrats to replace Trump in office’*
My dad: Why doesn’t my child call me? I am the specialist most important person in the whole wide world. What could she have to be mad about?
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istherewifiinhell · 1 year
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anyone wanna get emotional about collaborative art with me?
[Mirage 19 Story: E&L, Layout: Eastman, Pencils: Jim Lawson, Inks: Laird, Letters: Steve Lavigne]
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ID from alt: Cropped section of the page annotations by Laird, (relevant) text: Page 18 is also the beginning of what I think of as "Brick hell" - Jim drew so many panels with hundreds of bricks in them, and I felt obliged to ink them all in. That was a LOT of bricks." Left is a panel showing Raph running down a curving brick tunnel, the wall is drawn with individual bricks, uncountable amounts of lines that illustrate the curvature.
If not, enjoy brick hell instead (I'll leave, just a doozy of a brick hell image at the end)
(this issue has beautiful layout paneling, which little snippets of could never replicate. great one to check out. imho)
come one come all to the worst barn party of the decade...
[IDS AND ALTS THE SAME]
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ID: Jones family barn interior. Mike and Don speaking to Raph (off panel). Mike, in an open gesture: Life is good here... It's given us time to heal, to accept what's happened. Leo's needed this time, too--. Don, by his work table, no mask, wearing an apron. More neutral: We're not the guardians of society, Raphael... we never were. END
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ID: Three panels, Raph pushing Leo around, yelling at him. The background moves from uninked, to midtone, to dark tone, as they both get more angry. Raph: No-- You're hiding out here... scared to face facts... And you're dragging all of us down with you! Fun and games are over, Chump... Look at yourself! END
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ID: Two panels, Raph looks down to a wooden sword Leo (off panel) has held up in his way. He looks at it, unimpressed. Then looks up, pissed off and says only "Mistake." END
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1. Three panels, Leo in the forground, just his leg seen. Raph on the floor against a wall. He whips his chin, saying "You were always good, Leo...". Close up, spit hangs from his mouth, continues "... One of the best..." He stands and finishes "...Which makes life here even more of a crime."
2. Four panels, Leo has Raph in a choke hold, holding him from behind, they are on the floor. Sweaty and teeth grit with exhertion. Leo says "--Do you hear me?!" Raph starts throwing punches to Leo's head, just above his own. As each one land we close in on Leo's face. END
Well. Thats great. Ill eat my own heart out how abouts.
AND ANYWAY. My favourite favourite effect.
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ID: 1. Four panels, Leo, Mike and Don, run along a roof top, grab some fire escapes, and make their way to street level, skirting the edge of a street lamp's glow. The entire set is pen inked normally, and washed completely with the mid tone, save the small circle around the lamp, glowing white.
2. Large panel. Raph, 3 point lands, kicking up dust in the center of a spot lit section of sewer. The tail ends of a hood he wears trail up with the motion. Very little double-tone is used on the page, instead the shadow is communicated by increased hatch lines still following the shapes of every object in shot. END
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ID: Raph sits in the tattered remains of the turtles lair, his brothers shadowed in the foreground. Raph, not very warmly says "Welcome Home." END
Okay okay. cry forever and every. please for the love of god. read comics. now. more brick hell
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ID: Three panels, showing the entrance of a sewer tunnel into a larger area, closed and open pipes along the wall. The shot holds empty for two panels, then with the inclusion of Raph jumping out the exit in the third. If you are to look carefully. You can tell, though the scenery remains the same, in each, the intricate pen inked brick work and shadows have been done three separate times. END
LIKE. I KNOW ITS TRADITIONAL MEDIUM COMICS. But sir.... SIR? Another annotations from Laird specifically. Have mentioned using the copier to place certain things in backgrounds.... i just.... SIR?
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hella1975 · 1 year
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for the first time EVER i have spent actual Big Bucks on jewellery and im so so excited about it. another bisexual win!
#like in the grand scheme of jewellery it is NOT big bucks at all#but for fucking agesssss now ive been moaning bc i like wearing rings AND i have several piercings#but i dont have ANY nice jewellery so im in perpetual green stains and just once i wanted to have actual nice jewellery#that i could wear again and again without feeling grubby#like does anyone else get hyperaware of the TEXTURE of cheap rings? i do it's like i can FEEL the metal getting into my skin#like i get super paranoid and start picturing it getting into my blood and poisoning me... haha...#it's v uncomfortable and i will avoid wearing jewellery altogether as a result despite how much i love wearing jewellery#BUT NO MORE!!!#i bought two rings that were £8 EACH one of which is from a really good brand that's known in the city for being affordable but good qualit#and that one is SUPER chunky and cool but also has the same rock in it that my grandad's ring had#and i have v complicated thoughts about my grandad but i ALWAYS loved his ring and it's weirdly comforting#but like i said. complicated. but in a nice way for once?#and i bought a single set of earrings for £10 which is. so silly to me#like tbf it's SIX earings for a tenner so it's still decent (again the good brand ones so no green ears for me!)#but i have thirds and will wear them as a single set so in my head it works out as £10 for one pair of earrings#if that makes ANY sense#but yeah! my hope is to just gradually build up my Good Quality rings until i have a collection of ones that i can wear daily#and still be comfortable AND hot#and im very much intending to keep this one earring set in for weeks like we're 4lifers now#okay so maybe this was a comfort thing but also a laziness thing lmao im just sick of constantly changing earrings#BUT YEAH!!! £26 ON JEWELLERY IN ONE DAY!!! EVERYONE CLAP THIS IS BIG FOR ME!!!#hella goes to uni
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corpsoir · 1 year
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im in a shitty sucky awful piss mood bc of my rent situation sorry i feel exhausted and cranky and sad and stressed beyond words
i will try to remember to make that commission info post ive been meaning to make for a while as soon as i get home
if you want art from me of your ocs or your pets or fanart or anything really please lmk bc i could really use the help to afford eating and refilling my testosterone and paying rent this summer 🫶
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I keep listening to different pieces of music that I love and then my brain comes in all helpful with 'this sounds like great music to die with doesn't it'
#tw suicide#im just. so tired#and i know that right now part of it is im sick (not covid tho) but still.#and it's like im grieving the lost friendship all over again and what might have been#i am the best version of myself when im with the boy. but now no wonder he is avoiding me. and i don't blame him! but for some reason it's#hitting rlly hard again atm and it's just. Im Sad.#i really don't know why that's so prevalent in my mind right now#and it's rlly not safe for me to drive long distances alone i think. i find driving v stressful#and any guesses what *that* leads to#tw sh#the answer was: a frightening amount.#and then there are things i don't understand#my brother begged me to destroy the suicide note i wrote yesterday#and i don't know why. because it's very unlikely to be something that i would stop to do tbh. so what there is would at least explain#*something* perhaps. i don't know#i have spent more than half of my waking hours in the last week seriously thinking of suicide. i don't know how to stop this#and given that i've read two books in full and gone to a play i enjoyed that says something about what hte rest of the time has been filled#with. i don't know how to get out of this. in some ways i feel like it's worse now than it was bc i expected it to get better when mum and#dad got back. if anything it's worse - more constant.#the lows are not quite as low but the baseline is definitely lower#i am just feeling very hopeless rn#yesterday i was driving and reciting psalm 23 and i was so overcome with emotion and i repeated it multiple times and that helped somewhat#but only in the moment ig. i don't know. i don't know how to fix this or even improve it#if im still feeling like this on monday i am so going to walk over the road and straight-up ask to borrow a kitten overnight.#and hope the kitten doesn't decide to go near all the cuts :(#a part of me is genuinely wondering if i should check myself into a psych ward. the other parts of me say either that this isn't bad enough#for that or thta i am simply too scared to. which is true. nasty stuff in psych wards for obvious reasons#anyway i need prayers thankyou
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