#i hate knowing i’m in burnout but not being able to do anything about it because im not diagnosed

[titan-god-helios]

fuck, audhd burnout is a bitch.

[charmedreincarnation]

I’m kind of in a similar situation to your college indecisiveness post bc I want to shift but never have the time cuz all this studying. I’m really hating life rn. I’ve tried shifting a few times and managed to detach my awareness from this reality for a few minutes at a time, so i know what works for me, but I never have time to do it. I feel kind of drained that I could be achieving so much but I’m stuck not even having the time cuz I’m not smart enough to get done with all this HW fast enough

TLDR how do I be cool like you and too smart for school to be a big concern? Do I just say f**k it and do a shifting attempt when I’m supposed to be studying?

This was such a sweet ask 😭😭💖 I'm overwhelmed by the sweetness of your words, and I assure you, I'm far from being as cool as you think. In fact, I found myself facing the very same dilemma in the past! Now, I'm not sure if you're looking for some wisdom from Loa or valuable studying tips, so ill share a little bit of both? Also college-related questions/asks have been pouring in lately, so I've decided to address them all right here. I should probably just make it a post but I’ll use this ask as a reference.

Pre law perspective:

So my senior year, was when I really started my journey. It was during this time that I learned about shifting and manifesting (kind of law of attraction) so I naturally attempted everyday and had my focus to that. However, I basically spiraled into burnout and indifference towards school. Tbh It's still a mystery to me how I managed to do fine in school when I basically stopped attending classes mentally and barely did my work.

I've always had ADHD, anxiety, and procrastination issues throughout my high school years, But senior year took it to a whole new level. The boredom and disconnection from my studies were unbearable. I went through the motions, completing my homework, but for classes I didn't enjoy, I mindlessly attended without caring or understanding the material. It was a year filled with academic mediocrity, and certain subjects like AP Calculus and AP Biology, which I didn't even need for my future plans, were absolute torture.

And at the time I didn’t even fully understand what shifting was, But I clung to the notion that school no longer mattered in the grand scheme of things. Looking back, I realize it was a detrimental mentality to have for my well being. If there's one piece of advice I can offer, it's this - find a balance. Avoid burning yourself out completely, but don't neglect your mental well-being either. You are still here, whether you're shifting or not, whether you’re god or not, and whether you're actively manifesting or not. Diving deeper into a negative mental well will not benefit you in any way. Trust me, I learned this the hard way.

As my burnout intensified, I reached a point where I no longer wanted to be alive in this boring ass reality. It became so severe that I almost didn't apply to college. My entire focus was consumed by shifting, and I simply didn't care about anything else. It was my friends who came to my rescue, pushing me to apply and offering unwavering support. Without their guidance and nurturing, I honestly don't know where I would be today.

Eventually, I grew tired of being tired. I began diving into my subliminal journey, creating playlists that combined affirmations for school,success, and luck. I learned the importance of dividing my time wisely. During the second semester, I continued this approach, focusing on school-related practices during the day and dedicating my evenings to shifting attempts.

Affirmations and scripting became the root of my routine too. Miraculously, my grades improved, even when I skipped classes for an entire month or neglected to read the lectures.

I was able to graduate high school with honors, which in itself proves that success or whatever isn’t even just about being naturally "good at school." I worked smarter, not harder and knowing about manifesting really helped with that!

So I really advice you to find a balance in your journey. Don't pour all your energy into just school or just manifesting. Embrace the plethora of easy methods available - scripting, subliminals, binaural beats - and integrate them into your study routine. Make it work in your favor. Treat shifting like a cherished hobby, something that complements your academic pursuits rather than overshadowing them.

Also, set realistic standards for yourself. In high school, I used to obsess over achieving straight A's, disregarding any grade below perfection. Looking back, I realize how misplaced my priorities were. As long as you maintain a mix of A's, B's, and even a few C's, you'll be absolutely fine. Set a goal of achieving a GPA of 3.0 or whatever scale your institution uses, and celebrate every success along the way.

Loa perspective

Ok, now let's talk about the power of the Law of Assumption!

Now that I'm in a place where I give only about 20% of my time and effort to school and still do very well, I can help and reflect on my journey properly. Back in high school, like said I struggled with anxiety and ADHD, and I thought these challenges would hold me back.

Test-taking, deadlines, remembering information it all seemed overwhelming. But you know what helped me? Subliminals.

Listening to subliminals for intelligence and confidence made a significant difference in my life. They boosted my abilities and gave me the belief that I could excel academically. And that belief was everything.

As you probably know the Law of Assumption states that whatever we expect and assume to be true will become our reality. So, I decided to apply this principle to my studies. I assumed that I was capable of achieving great grades with ease. I assumed that school life would be manageable, and I would continuously improve my skills throughout the semester. I always visualized seeing As, revised my past grades, teacher giving me the grade I know I deserve no matter what.

And guess what? It worked! My mindset shifted towards greater productivity, and I started using my time more efficiently. As a result, my grades improved, and I had more time to focus on the things I genuinely enjoyed. It was a game-changer, and it accounted for about 70% of my success. Just imagine that - simply switching my mindset and accepting the positive results from my previous subliminal experiences.

I understand that college can be more stressful and demanding than high school. But it's still the same principle at play. You don't have to drastically change your study habits if you don't want to. Instead, use general resources during the day to aid your studying. And while you're at it, listen to subliminals that align with your goals. Instead of imagining and affirming to yourself that you're a failure and worrying about all the things that could go wrong, shift your focus. Imagine the grade you want, affirm and visualize that no matter what happens on your test, you'll still pass the class with flying colors. Remember, it's just one test, one assignment, and there are so many more opportunities ahead.

General school tips

* Stop checking your grades every day. Seriously, it's only stressing you out. Grades can fluctuate randomly, especially in college (and honestly, even in high school). Instead of obsessing over the numbers, focus on staying on top of your assignments. Keep up with your work, put in your best effort, and trust that alone will reflect in your grades.

* Say no to all-nighters. Trust me, reading the same material for 12 hours straight won't magically make you understand it. If something isn't clicking, it's probably an internal issue. There's no need to spend an entire night alone trying to grasp a single concept. Look for alternative resources like recap lessons on YouTube or seek help from a tutor or classmate. Remember, it's okay to acknowledge what doesn't come naturally to you and instead focus on your strengths.

* Realistically, doing your homework and attending class means you're probably not failing. Even if you're not getting the grade you want, it doesn't mean you're headed for failure. Those big tests that carry a significant weight in your grade may impact your GPA, but they don't define the trajectory of your life. Take a moment to reflect on all the times you thought a single grade would ruin everything, yet here you are, still alive and thriving. You've been through challenges before, and you're stronger than you think. Breathe, remind yourself that you're not alone in these thoughts and stresses, and keep pushing forward.

* Make friends and join class group chats. Trust me, these connections are gold. Joining group chats on platforms like GroupMe or Snapchat allows you to ask questions, collaborate on study guides, and realize that you're not alone in this journey. Even if they're not your closest friends, having a support system within your classes can make all the difference.

* Use EFT tapping for anxiety, especially before tests. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping is not only useful for Law purposes, but it can also work wonders for managing anxiety. Check out my pinned guide on how to use EFT tapping. It has personally helped me immensely, and I hope it does the same for you.

* Work smarter, not harder. The truth is, those who seem to breeze through school while partying every night still manage to graduate and pass just like everyone else. The key is finding shortcuts, utilizing the vast resources available on the internet, and working smarter, not harder. Embrace technology, explore online study tools, and leverage the power of the internet as your greatest friend in this journey.

Here are some free recourses:

Math and Science

1. MathMagic Lite: This app lets you write any mathematical expressions and various scientific symbols easily

2. Equatio: A powerful equation editor that makes it easy to create digital, accessible maths

3. Microsoft Mathematics: Can be used to write mathematical expressions, solve equations, and plot graphs

4. Desmos Scientific Calculator & Graphing Calculator: Utility apps for students and teachers for calculations and graph plotting

5. WolframAlpha: A computational search engine that can solve a wide variety of problems, especially useful for math and science

Article/Video Summarization

6. Smmry: A website that summarizes articles for you

7. TLDR This: A browser extension for quick article summarization

8. Inshorts: An app providing news in 60 words or less

9. Listenable: Converts articles into short audio files

Note-Taking

10. Evernote: A note-taking app where you can jot down thoughts, save things you find online, and even scan physical documents with your phone's camera

11. Microsoft OneNote: Allows for free-form information gathering and multi-user collaboration

12. Notion: An all-in-one workspace where you can write, plan, collaborate, and get organized

Concept Explanation

13. Khan Academy: Offers practice exercises, instructional videos, and a personalized learning dashboard that empower learners to study at their own pace in and outside of the classroom

14. Coursera: Provides universal access to the world’s best education, partnering with top universities and organizations to offer courses online

15. Complexly: A YouTube channel that produces a variety of educational content, including the series Crash Course which covers many different subjects in depth

16. citation machine: you never have to make source citations by yourself. This gives your both in test and citations for your essays and research.

Lastly I’m gonna put all the free resources most colleges offer for free!

Academic Resources

* Online Study Platforms: Websites such as Khan Academy, Coursera, and edX offer free or low-cost courses on a variety of subjects that can supplement your coursework.

* Academic Advising Centers: Most colleges have an academic advising center where students can get guidance on course selection, degree requirements, and academic planning.

* Writing Centers: Writing centers provide assistance with writing assignments, including proofreading, editing, and helping with citations.

* Library Research Databases: Your college library likely subscribes to a number of research databases (like JSTOR, EBSCO, and ProQuest) that can provide access to academic journals, books, and other resources.

2. Career Resources

* Career Centers: These centers offer career counseling, resume reviews, interview preparation, and job search assistance.

* Internship and Co-op Programs: Many colleges have programs that help students find internships or co-op positions in their field of interest.

* LinkedIn Learning: This platform offers courses on a variety of career-related topics, including networking, resume writing, and job interviewing.

3. Mental Health and Wellness Resources

* Counseling Centers: Most colleges offer free or low-cost mental health services to students, including individual therapy, group sessions, and workshops.

* Fitness Centers: Regular exercise is important for both physical and mental health. Most colleges have fitness centers that offer a variety of workout options.

* Mindfulness and Meditation Apps: Apps like Headspace and Calm offer guided meditations that can help reduce stress and improve mental health.

4. Financial Aid Resources

* Financial Aid Office: Your college's financial aid office can provide information on scholarships, grants, work-study opportunities, and student loans.

* FAFSA: The Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) is the key to accessing federal financial aid, including grants, work-https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/712878654521262080/everything-eft-tapping?source=share funds, and loans.

* Scholarship Search Engines: Websites like Fastweb and Scholarships.com can help you find scholarships that you may be eligible for.

Other questions I got

Q: How did you manifest graduating early?

A: Graduating early was always a desire deep within me. I didn't realize it was on track to manifest until I had a meeting with my advisor. Interestingly, when I found out it was happening, I wasn't as ecstatic as I thought I would be. It made me realize that desires can change as we grow and evolve. So, if something you once desired doesn't bring you the same joy anymore, it's perfectly okay. Life is all about evolving and embracing new desires.

Q: What affirmations do you use?

A: Since I had a multitude of desires in various aspects of my life, I found it tiring to have a separate affirmation for each one. So, I opted for general affirmations that encompassed all areas of my life. For example, I would affirm statements like "I am the luckiest person alive," "Everything works out my way," and "I always get my desires." These affirmations can be applied to all aspects of life, including school. The key is to find affirmations that resonate with you and create a positive mindset.

Q: How do you manage the law/shifting and school?

A: As I mentioned earlier, integration is the key! You don't have to view manifestation or shifting as something separate from your school life. Instead, incorporate these practices seamlessly into your daily routine. The goal is to make it a part of your lifestyle without feeling like it's an extra burden or sacrifice. For example, if a certain method, like wbtb lucid dreaming, is disrupting your sleep schedule, consider switching to other methods like subliminals or reality checks. You can still set intentions before going to bed, which will be effective without compromising your sleep. Find what works best for you and strike a balance between school, manifestation, and your mental health

Q: What to do if affirmations don’t work:

A:maybe you don’t think with words. I’m more of a visual person and will always believe and like images more than words. I would just imagine my grades always being an A. No matter what, no matter if I failed a test or forgot to submit a homework even if I failed everything I still got an A! If you don’t like to visualize then change your wording to how you naturally speak. Maybe you don’t even like affirmations, it’s really different for everyone.

Q:I don’t want to go to this college but I still have to apply, is that affecting living in the end:

A: nope I don’t think taking action or not taking action affects anything If you’re living in the end. Just because you apply doesn’t mean you’ll get in simply because you took the action. Do what you have to do it doesn’t matter if you’re living your 3D life but know imagination is your true reality. If you’re a billionaire and sleep in a homeless shelter that doesn’t take away from the fact you’re a billionaire. Who knows why you’re at a homeless shelter and who knows why you’re applying for college. It doesn’t dictate anything.

Q:I needed to get into the void before college but now I’m here without my dream life and I hate it. What do I do:

A: well it’s happened so take a deep breath. You can still master the void, in fact you already have you’re just being silly and want a funny humbling story. There is no better time than now to be delulu. When you’re trying to escape something and it passes accept it and make it your bitch tbh. honestly keeping busy definitely helped me in my journey anyways, but I did provide tips above so you have free time because you shouldn’t just be immersed in school. For example when I was poor, it was because I needed a humbling back story because no one likes people born into wealth. I’m assuming you still want to be in college, and yea, it’s just cool to have started from the bottom before you become that It girl. That’s your choice and your truth but now you’re done with being humble so go tap into the void.

Q: what’s your perspective on manifesting a perfect life. like nothing bad ever happens but also having a good life with just minor challenges (nothing too big) and I don’t wanna normalize suffering bc who wants to suffer?

A: ok this had a school ask but that was just the gist of it. anyways not that my opinion matters first and foremost. But I think that’s great. Who wants to suffer… exactly. You know I like being human, but I did not like my human experience before Loa. I do like challenges, I like growth, I like not being perfect, and I like being happy and getting what I want too! you can still have all those human aspects and manifest everything you desire. Mary Sues do don’t exist because humanity exists. Don’t worry about it. Your life won’t feel stagnant or unreal or something, I promise

Ok sorry this came out longer than I expected but I had a lot to say. I hope that answers all the asks I’ve been getting ! You all got this, college, your manifesting journey, your anxiety, all of it. All of your dreams & desires are within your reach (right in front of you !!!) so go for it and still live your best life <3!

[ieatsmallorphansnamedtom]

So we’ve had Sam being employed on the farm but what about Shane? We can’t leave him at Joja Mart! (Also now I’m thinking about the farmer employing various unemployed people in stardew valley around the farm so Sam isn’t lonely lol) I love your writing!!

Shane Working for the Farmer Headcanons

Continuation of this post.

Hi! Thank you for your patience! I was actually looking forward to getting to this post before burnout hit. A funny fic idea would be the whole town somehow getting involved in working on the farm and the farmer struggling to keep them all in line ("No, Abby, the turnips aren't ready yet!", *Demetrius spits out unripe strawberry while the farmer just stares*).

TW: swearing and food

Shane was one of the first to hear about Sam getting a job on your farm. In fact, according to the post this is based off of, he was there when you asked Sam about it. He was stocking the shelves and saw you approach him with the cheekiest grin on your face. When you had asked, you didn't even think to ask him. The idea had only sprung into your head about ten minutes ago when you remembered Sam mentioning how much he hated working at Joja.

It had been about a month since Sam started working when Shane joked (asked) about him working on the farm. He was all like 'well, I work with the chickens as a second job, basically, and it'd be a shit-ton better than working in that hellhole'.

That's when it hits you that, oh shit, you asked Sam to come work for you right in front of him. Shane can see your reaction plastered on your face clear as day, so he knows there was no malicious intent. Even then, you're sure to apologise and offer him a spot on the farm right away.

Sam's reaction is mixed. On one hand, he gets more help and someone to hang out with. On the other hand, he did like having you all to himself. But he gets over that part quickly. He doesn't want to come off as possessive.

So, he is very friendly towards Shane. I mean, he already was friendly enough with him back at Joja and in town, but now he's extra friendly. Because this is a dream job for him, and he's sure it's a great job for Shane, too. And he's not about to ruin it for the both of them.

Shane covers the animals while Sam covers the land. Shane's obvious favourite is the chicken, though he takes a liking to any dinos you have on the farm. After the initial shock and belief crisis, of course.

The animals love Shane, too! Shane's got a knack for being able to tell exactly identical animals apart, so he's great help in figuring out which animals haven't been cared for yet. Since he's able to tell them apart, he was also able to bring Charlie over without fear of confusing him for another! Charlie got along well with the others, though he has to stay at the ranch most of the time.

Shane's not as big of a help in cleaning around the house. That sort of becomes a you only thing, or a you and Sam thing (or potentially a you and someone else thing ;) hehe). He just doesn't have the energy for it most of the time. He's only really got the energy for helping out with the animals because he enjoys doing it. Anything else is stressful and brings him down.

Still, if it's a big day, he'll help Sam out. The two actually have a bit of a bonding session working together; Sam teaches him some tricks he learned working on the farm and Shane opens up a bit and is nicer. Towards the end of Shane's arc he's nicer anyway, but he can still be a little closed off. It's just how he is.

To be fair to the anon that requested this, Shane is also into the farmer. I mean, it's a great way to cause drama, so I want it anyway. Sorry, not sorry.

When Shane catches you and Sam asleep in the hammock together, he does get a little jealous. But that's quickly subsided and overtaken by his urge to tip you both out of the hammock. What can I say? It's funny. Just because he likes you doesn't mean you're getting a free pass on everything. He's still human.

I headcanon that Shane was paid less than Sam due to the fact that there were more stockers than janitors. Also, the janitor job just gets more pay in general because it is gross (Joja has some standards okay). So, getting a cool 600g (60 dollars/whatever that is in your country) is a pretty sweet deal.

I forgot to mention Marnie's reaction. She's... Happy? Not happy? Something, alright. She's happy her nephew is getting a good job with a good boss for good pay, but she's worried how long it will last. You're racking up money quick, and automation even quicker. How long will it be before Shane's not even needed anymore? What will happen then?

Oh, as for the watering can fights with Sam, Shane's all in on those. He may be recovering from depression and alcoholism, but that doesn't mean he can't enjoy a good water fight. Though Shane doesn't use watering cans in the nice way, by using the end to sprinkle it over people. No, he flips that baby upside down and dunks it on you and Sam. Automatic win.

When him and Sam are finished with their work and you haven't come back yet, they help themselves to your house. Mainly your kitchen, of course. You've had to rearrange everything into the Sam & Shane and the Not Sam & Shane area. They have a whole drawer in your fridge dedicated to them simply to keep their hands of your stuff.

If you are to arrive really late from the mines, these two rush you over to Harvey's. Sam's more inclined to keep you at your house to rest, but eventually agrees to go and get you checked out by a professional. Shane's first guess is to go to Harvey's because Yoba knows how much he's helped him with his troubles.

-~-~-

This one was very fun to write! Thank you for the request. I'm trying to prioritise the ones I personally want to do and also the ones I have the brainpower to do.

[musingmelsuinesmelancholy]

This is gunna be a personal and ramble-y blog, fair warning! Really just using this as a means to organize my thoughts.

I started practicing traditional witchcraft at a weird time; right before it got popular (not that I’m special, I am Just Some Bitch) and everyone jumped on the “I hate Wiccans my witchcraft is so edgy and traditional ™️” bandwagon. I had been extremely new age prior; that summer I had stopped “practicing”. (I don’t consider what I was doing then Wicca or witchcraft) I was in a fragile state due to my (ex now) boyfriend raping me. (how’s that erectile dysfunction treating you Matthew?) I don’t know why, but l was Called via some rather visceral dream-vision experiences. I had no real knowledge, skills or abilities to allow me to understand what I was seeing nor why. I bought some books over tradcraft, I think treading the mill, a Cornish book of ways and a grimoire for modern cunning folk were my firsts, and they did help- but they also left me confused. I didn’t understand the ~current~ behind these various authors traditions. I didn’t understand how one could practice traditional witchcraft outside of Europe. The skills I was lacking, that I wanted to cultivate weren’t within the pages of those books. (GMDF DID go over technique/methodology more than the other two books I had but it wasn’t exactly what I needed)

I turned to tumblr for answers. (horrible fucking idea!) I did get some, some folks were able to answer some of my questions and i’ll always be grateful for their help. Overall it fucked me over, I kept comparing myself to popular bloggers with decades more experience than me. I didn’t participate in discourse but I definitely got swept up in it. “Ok so THIS is what trad witches do” “Oh no wait THIS is what they do” 🤦🏼‍♂️ I got so frustrated, so confused I allowed myself to halt my progression. I definitely bothered some bloggers, asked and said some S T U P I D things.

I think my being PDA autistic also contributed. My thinking is literal and dualistic, I struggle with executive dysfunction and I’m bad at talking to people/explaining myself. So I went from a very wishy washy paradigm to a very strict astringent one. Only I had no knowledge so I felt like I couldn’t and shouldn’t do anything until I’m researched enough. The problem with that is witchcraft is an action, it is the doing. It’s not the research. Results are nice but that’s not the witchcraft, the witchcraft is the performing of the spell. I went from believing that as long as I say sorry everything is fine; the gods/spirits won’t care to understanding that my mistakes and inconsistency do matter. So I thought that I had fucked up too badly and ruined any chance I had. The craft became a demand which triggered my ED and my flight/fight responses ( thank you PDA autism ). There was discourse at the time about disabled witches, you had more new age types saying the same shit about how anything goes/everything/anything is fine, you had more serious occultists saying no, it’s ableist to treat disabled occultists like babies. I agree with the latter, of course, but at the time rather than understanding that I had to work with/around my ED I just tried to power through it which just made me burnout. I thought this was laziness and again, that I had ruined my relationships with the spirits. I worried too much about mucking things up further or being “punished”.

Despite all that I was still experiencing very real, very tangible, very intense things. Seeing spirits- awake or dreaming, actual results from my spells, signs/omens/dreams. He continued to come to me- even answering questions, relieving anxieties/doubts. Yet still I returned again and again and again to tumblr. I should’ve continued on with what I was doing and deleted the app. Nobody but me and the spirits has answers for me, nobody could tell me what I was experiencing meant or what direction I was to go in. That’s for the spirits to tell me, that’s for me to figure out.

I’m in a better place now, I understand things better now. I’ve learned to work with my ED. I’m learning to be nuanced in my approach to things. I’m analyzing, digesting everything I’ve experienced- listening to Them now. I know where I’m headed…kinda- I am heeding Their direction.

My experiences may not be as consistently crazy or mind-blowing as they where those first few years but they don’t need to be. I was shown, I was told where to go. I’m finally listening, the signs are more subtle now but they’re there. They are there, still. I don’t know if I’ll “make it” (what even does that mean) as a witch. I’ll definitely never succeed if I continue on as I was prior, I need to push myself. To actually to The Thing.

[clockworkbibliophile]

is anyone else in their mid-20s and has no idea what to do with their life? graduated from college 2 years ago, was laid off from my corporate real estate job last year, have just been getting by surviving off my savings for the last several months…. I hated that job it destroyed my self confidence and mental health so I am afraid to start another corporate job for fear that my burnout and mental health will cause me to do poorly at this job and be fired and also be miserable still…. don’t want to go back to school bc high school and college truly destroyed my brain and I can’t put myself through that mental agony again just for the sake of another degree…. but afraid to do anything outside of a corporate job bc how will I be able to sustain myself or ever be able to move out of my parents’ place working a minimum wage job at a coffee shop or a national park, life is so expensive and I am so afraid and have never felt more lost and alone in my entire life. pair that with going through a breakup and losing most of my friends this year….. I don’t know what to do. i’m afraid this will be the year that I finally choose to end my life after so many years of deliberating about it. because this truly feels like the rock bottom to end all rock bottoms. I have no idea where to go from here. every single day feels exactly the same: I am nearly always unable to extract myself from my bed and spend the day counting down the hours until nighttime when I have the tiniest bit of energy to pull myself out of bed and onto the couch to watch tv when it’s quiet and my parents aren’t awake and fighting. I feel like i’m reliving my high school years, but at least in high school I was able to fight for myself and channel any energy I had into working hard to graduate with honors. I have none of that energy left. it has been this way for almost a year now of being unable to pull myself out of bed, every single day.

[writingdotcoffee]

#250: I Burned Out

You may or (let’s be realistic) may not have noticed that I stopped posting long-form posts a few months ago.

What’s up? Well, I burned out. After five years of writing a post every week, enough things in my life came together that caused me to have no energy left to keep this up. I was sitting at my desk at 11 PM working on the next post one Sunday, and I couldn’t do it. I gave up and went to bed.

It was surprisingly hard to do at that moment. The habit I created over the years was so ingrained. I wanted to figure something out and get on with it regardless of the circumstances. I hated myself for not being able to follow through.

The week after, it became a little easier to go through my Sunday without writing anything. Over the next few weeks, the habit faded away. That sucks, but it was necessary to take the pressure off.

How’s it Going?

The story is pretty boring, because burnout is boring, or at least it was for me.

I kept doing things that I’m obliged to do and spent the rest of my time reading the front page of Reddit. That was pretty much the only thing I could get myself to do.

Just before it happened, I remember this feeling of intense dread from doing work I used to not mind at all. Writing and particularly publishing what I wrote became a massive chore. It was very confusing.

I looked back at days when I was able to get 10x more done and wondered what the hell happened.

I knew what I wanted to get done, but I just didn’t have the will to do it. I found it super difficult to focus or make decisions. It’s frustrating and very hard to describe.

Fortunately, it was all temporary. I would not be writing this post if I weren’t feeling a lot better. I’m doing pretty great now. I’m back working on some exciting new features for Writing Analytics.

Burnout Isn't a Problem to Solve

To be completely honest, I don’t know what helped me get out of it. I wish I could make this post into a “5 Top Tips on Dealing with Burnout” type of listicle, but I’m not sure I even have one good piece of advice.

I didn’t slow down because I saw burnout coming. I did it because I couldn’t carry on. As I said, it’s very difficult to describe the actual feeling.

I guess I just accepted the reality of the situation. That let the pressure that I put on myself off. And then I waited.

There wasn’t any “oh, I’m not burnt out anymore” moment. Things improved over time until I was able to get excited about working on my projects again.

One thing I learned through this experience is that burnout isn't something to be "solved." There's no immediate fix. You have to give yourself space and let your body recover.

What’s Next?

I'd love to keep the blog going, but I'm not sure yet what will be the best way forward. As I said, my weekly writing habit has evaporated. I will have to start over and rebuild it. Or perhaps this is an opportunity to try something new? I'll keep you posted.

I've also been working on a massive new feature for Writing Analytics — perhaps the biggest update yet. I'm hoping to have it ready by NaNoWriMo this year 🤞.

Past Editions

#249: Finish More Things, July 2022

#248: Serious Procrastination, June 2022

#247: Learning How to Fail, June 2022

#246: Your Art Is Like a Journal Entry, May 2022

#245: Writing + Headspace, May 2022

[corrodedcoughin]

Okay so, this is the last time I’ll post about this I swear so uhhh burnout/autism/questioning etc under the cut

Has anyone experienced burnout, autistic or otherwise? And if you have what is it like? Because I feel like I just haven’t been able to engage with anything for months meaning work or social things or just general life. I’ve had days off here and there from work and every first day back is me hard-to-breathe crying about everything being so hard and feeling like I try so hard but in reality I probably don’t and not knowing how everyone else manages but also that I’m making a big deal out of literally nothing.

It’s like I get a small but if reprieve but then as soon as it’s over I’m back on the edge and I can’t do anything to stop it. I mean I was full sobbing because of the gym of all things as well as the usual work/life/relationships/no energy/bothering people and just not being Right in anything I do. Idk, I just have no one to ask and worry that if I do I’ll just be told it’s anxiety, depression and The Rest.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this, it isn’t a cry or help! I promise! Just wanting to see how other people are I guess? I hate treating this account like a blog, that isn’t what I started it for and I’m sorry when it does pop up it’s just been a wild 6 months.

[ask-serendipity-sky]

Hello! I hope this ask comes across ok because I’m experiencing some super bad burnout right now and am trying to make sure this doesn’t come across weird, but do you feel like the whole para social relationship between BTS and ARMY has gotten out of hand lately?

I am seeing all these tweets and comments lately about that just seem over the top with people saying JK (just an example because he’s the most active right now with lives and stuff) is their best friend and how they are so glad that they trust us or just a lot of thirst tweets in reaction to him going live shirtless and things that don’t seem based in reality.

I guess it never really bothered me before because I never bought into the fandom in the same way, but I��m curious if it’s just me feeling this way because of where I’m at mentally or if others agree. It seems pretty obvious to me that a lot of the decisions to come live or interact with fans are at least partially driven by business interests (even if they do genuinely care about their fans) and people don’t seem to realize that.

I dunno if this even makes any sense but love your posts and hope you have a good day!

Hi anon,

I think it's been even more obvious these past few days.

I watch lives from Taemin from Shinee and the comments there are nothing like the comments army leave here. This fandom doesn't have limits anymore. I wanted to ask Taemin a question but he will actually call out fans so I stayed with my question instead, just in case. And it was nothing invasive! I just wanted to know about his dance challenges -_-

And I hate to say it but the parasocial relationship has crossed the beneficial side because the members have encouraged it. I'm sure they are appreciative of their fans, but keeping fans happy is business 101.

Like back when army was bullying James Corden, Namjoon called out Corden instead of addressing army and bullying. James Corden had to apologize for making a joke. The joke wasn't even an insult. I certainly didn't take it as one. All that was needed to calm that down was Namjoon making one tweet that said "ARMY, it's a joke. Corden is a friend." And all would have been well.

The fans are not just fans anymore but they've become this police entity/romantic partner/bff for life to BTS and they legit think they have ownership over BTS and the things the guys do. "No one knows BTS better than army. No one deserves BTS more than army."

Jk made a song about sex and now they think they have the right to ask him about his dick. He talks to them and answers questions and they ask him if he lives with Tae. It got so bad he told them to not send sensitive questions because he wouldn't answer them. One fan followed him down a street and waited for him outside the barbershop. So he had to backtrack and say it's best they don't come looking for him. Jk in the live at Inkigayo showed slight annoyance because it is simply just too much. And it has to be slightly annoyance because anything else is not permitted.

Perhaps we wouldn't have gotten to this point if army had been taught respect and limits. Jin had a good approach and the rest of the guys should have followed it. I don't think it's too late to fix.

Jimin actually called out a question in the live where he talked about On the Street and his approach to fans has changed entirely. And lately, Jk has been more vocal about army. Tae and Namjoon have talked about armys comments as well.

Maybe BTS is reaching the tipping point too? But then they backtrack with their words and actions. They should just rip the band-aid off.

Maybe after ms, BTS will be able to address the fandom as actual adults and set limits for their own well being too?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[cycloptics]

This is basically a diary entry that gets dark but maybe it’s onto something? I needed it okay

Basically I’m just talking about art and being autistic and quitting my job after hitting burnout

And also some personal traumatic shit I guess

Please don’t feel inclined to read this if you don’t want to I think I just needed to put out my real fucking feelings into the world ya know?

Something really crazy has happened since I hit burnout.

I spent forever hating every piece of art I did, whether it was painting, drawing, or nail art. I’ve hated all of it, never thought I was good enough. I still don’t, of course, but I do atleast feel like I see potential during the process.

But now, since I’ve got the support of people who love my work, or love me, I’m able to look at it again (after a break of hyperfocus) and I can say “okay.. wow, that’s pretty good. I like that.” And that’s fucking HUGE! But what’s even crazier is I looked back and old work I did, work that sat in my sketchbooks abandoned forever, and I am like holy shit. I did that. And I love that.

I painted this in 2019-2020, I’m not even sure when, but I remember being in my apartment, I remember this being one of those pieces where I was desperate to make art. I desperately looked for ways to make a living doing art, just so I’d be able to paint. I bought a Wacom pen and a laptop, I was determined to learn digital art.. and I hated it. Then I bought an iPad and Apple Pencil, still didn’t love digital art. Then someone said “you should do nails” and I thought it was perfect. Then I went to school and did that. Worked my ass off. Went to the best salon in my area and worked there, killing myself and burning myself out in the process, trying to be perfect.

**TW: death, PTSD, loss of a pet, loss of a parent, hospitals**

Then my cat got sick, and even though I syringe fed him prescription food and cat pedialyte, gave him meds, and tried everything, he died.

Then a week later my dad tore his Achilles and ended up in the hospital with 2 DVTs and a PE. He then fought for 2 months to stay alive for us. I watched my dad code and survive multiple times, spent Christmas in ICU with him on a bipap to breathe, watched him lose his fucking mind, praying to god, almost fighting god, seizing, shaking, crying, desperately kissing me and my brothers heads while not being able to say anything other than beg god. I tried everything I could to bring his mind back, because it was my dads biggest fuckin fear was losing his mind. I brought pictures and showed him.. the guilt I feel for going to work while my dad was in the fucking hospital. The calls I got. The way he begged me to break him out of there, and I will always regret not doing that. I’ll never forget it the faces my dad made, the sounds he made, when delirium took over and he was so scared, and looked nothing like himself. Covered head to toe in bruises and restrained to the bed, because they tried to put a Bipap on him when he was sleeping. I’ll never forget seeing how broken my dad was, a man who was so prideful and stubborn, and whose biggest nightmare came true when his youngest daughter had to help him use the bathroom. The way my dad never wanted to seem weak, and the way my stepmom humiliated him. The way she made him sound so pathetic to the doctors that they gave him too much oxygen constantly, because she said he couldn’t do anything without almost suffocating. The way she lied and said he was on 2 liters every night, because that’s how she got her oxygen. She was on 2 liters. My dad refused to use it. The way that him getting too much oxygen made his COPD worse. How that’s what ended up being the cause of death. Not the blood clots that I was so terrified of, that it was COPD. I’ll never forget New Year’s Day and me having full blown OCD had texted everyone in my family begging them not to do laundry because it would mean my dad would die, and finding out my stepmom did laundry because she isn’t superstitious.. then that day finding out my dad was never gonna make it out. I’ll never forget moving to comfort care, and trying to make sure my dad heard all his favorite songs as we all said goodbye to him, or the fact that when it came down to it, my dad was taken off of everything and still refused to die in front of his kids. That my brother made us leave. And he died soon after we left the room. I’ll never forget falling asleep and swearing I’d hear his voice. Crying to Al green in my car. Going fully nonverbal after he died. I thought I knew death because my mom died, but I was wrong. I didn’t know death was so fucking UGLY.

Probably the worst part of death is finding out that it’s so fucking gutwrenchingly ugly. it’s so rarely peaceful. The portrayals I saw of it or heard of it, those were coping mechanisms from grieving people just hiding the reality of it.

I also can’t forgive my stepmom for cremating my dad when he had a literal plot next to my mom, with a headstone my grandfather carved (family biz was monuments) or the fact that she told everyone he didn’t want a funeral.

My dad would never have deprived his kids of the opportunity to grieve him properly.

So I don’t have his ashes, we never did any service, and I’m still pretty fucking fucked up from it.

Then two weeks later one of my best friends died, she was the same age my mom was, with kids the same ages me and my brothers were when my mom died, and she died suddenly with no warning, just like my mom. Her parents called me to tell me. Her dad a week before had reached out to see how I was doing when my dad passed. The universe really is funny that way.

Then another friend died, liver failure. Fucking what? And I couldn’t go to that funeral because I had to work, and I had already taken off too much time for all the other deaths. Couldn’t be the sad employee with all the dead friends and family members apparently. And it gnawed at me that I let work keep me from being with my dad when he was dying, that I missed a funeral because of the pressure to be at work, that I was having breakdowns during nail appointments and only heard about how fucking slow I was.

So I quit my fuckin job. And I regret nothing.

Am I broke as fuck? YES. Have I figured out how to make money for real? Nope. Have I listed anything? Nope. But I will.

Because burnout really taught me that I know what my real passion is in life and what makes me happy, and it’s fucking paint. And art supplies. And doodles. And hyper focusing on something and picking it apart for hours and not having someone over my shoulder telling me I’m too slow, or it’s not good enough.

I’m still in burnout, but if I didn’t hit it, I’d never have allowed myself to heal. I’d never have let myself focus on my actual needs, because I never let them matter. Just had to be a machine that did perfect work to make money for others while I took enough to pay my bills.

And tbh, I’m fine with only getting by, as long as I am doing something I actually enjoy.

Anyway. This started about me realizing that I don’t absolutely suck at art, but I think I really just needed to let out all of these feelings without worrying about anyone else’s. I people pleased through grief. What a dumb thing to do. Fuck masking. Fuck it. I’m done.

[veeeffvee]

Alright cool here’s that post about what’s been going on while I’ve been gone

(A bit of a warning: none of this is happy)

TL;DR - bad brain stuff and burnout

Hey everyone, looks like I’m back! Not sure for how long, but I sure am online right now!

...Man, I’ve been going over how I was going to write this post a million times in my head, and every version that I imagined just sounded really sad and made me cry just thinking about it, so I’m just gonna try to be more succinct than I originally planned.  

So right after finals week, I did try to get back into drawing the stuff I had planned to post, and I maybe got like... one idea done. There were a few more but the majority of them are still in the rough/sketch phase. I don’t know why, but as soon as I got off of school, I just lost all motivation to draw. 

Okay, that’s a lie---I know why I couldn’t draw anything. See, I’ve been in the GHOST fandom since... late 2018? So that’s three, almost four years now. And I’ve pretty much been posting exclusively GHOST content since then, with hardly a break. As much as it’s helped with gaining the following that I have (thank you all for that, of course!) you’ve gotta understand that posting about literally ONE fandom for four years straight is?? Fucking exhausting??? 

And yeah I know that no one was FORCING me to do that, this is all my fault don’t get me wrong! But just... being someone who isn’t at all confident in anything that I make, it felt like GHOST content was pretty much the only thing I was good at? And you know, that’s what you people followed me for, so obviously the moment I stopped posting it people would leave! And I didn’t want that at all! 

That’s why I tried my damnedest to keep myself interested in this fandom, with my stupid AUs. Mainly the DSAU and Karaoke AU. I was so embarrassed about them because they’re clearly just me desperately trying to make something GHOST-related, even when I had literally no steam left for it. 

And you know, it’s not really that I’m tired of the characters or songs themselves, I’m just... tired of doing the same thing for four years, haha. I’m not gonna stop, especially since everyone keeps saying that I’m one of the few people keeping this fandom alive?? (Like haha no pressure right?) And I do want to finish COLOR-TV, and keep writing for MWTM, and I want to eventually tell you guys the story I’ve come up with for the Role Swap AU, and much more! I still have so many ideas, it’s not like I’ve ever run out! 

I’ve just come to a point where it’s like... have I done enough yet? I’ve made mashups, I’ve drawn so much art, I’ve written stories, I’ve written over a hundred in-character posts, and I’ve gotten into making some videos. Have I come to a point where I can take a break without losing my following? I can never tell, really. I don’t want to take a break and come back with no one remembering who I am or what I’ve done, that thought terrifies me more than anything haha. I’ve always felt like I have to keep making things to stay relevant in this fandom, or else I risk people completely forgetting about me. And if that happens, then what was even the point of me being here, right? 

That’s another thing. Since I wasn’t able to make even a scrap of GHOST content after finals week, I figured... that there wasn’t a point to me being here anymore. “veeeffvee” has sorta just become mainly a Ghost and Pals fan blog, rather than a blog that I can use to fangirl over all sorts of things. And you know that even then, I’ve felt guilty over talking about or drawing things that aren’t GHOST-related. 

So if I couldn’t post what didn’t make me feel guilty, then I figured I shouldn’t even be here. Anything else that I would post would be just a fucking waste of time. Not only personal posts---even reblogs without any GHOST content interspersed made me feel awful. And I’ve already made it clear that I hate talking too much on personal posts (oh the irony right now), and I think I should shut up more, so... yeah. Why should I be here if I can’t give you guys anything good? 

Emphasis on good, of course. It wasn’t like I wasn’t doing anything while I was gone. Unfortunately I’ve started developing my O.Cs and drawing them more during my absence. I don’t think I have to reiterate just how much I loathe my own content, and how much I think that all of it is awful garbage no matter what I do. So that’s even more wastes of time, how terrible! I really hate myself for this in particular. 

...Okay, here’s the part I didn’t want to talk about, ever, but I don’t think I can avoid it anymore. There’s another reason why I’ve been making less and less GHOST content, and it has to do with GHOST themselves. I won’t get into specifics, because gog knows there’s enough drama within the nooks and crannies of this fandom and I really don’t any trouble, but here it is. 

I had a personal interaction with GHOST sometime two years ago where I needed to talk to them about something I needed help with. It was very important, and---for lack of better phrasing---they were a huge dick about it. Just, a complete fucking asshole. And I don’t mean this lightly; I don’t like being negative or talking negatively about anyone (I mean look how much of this I haven’t talked about until now!), but I cannot stress this enough. 

That interaction was such a far cry from how I expected them to be, as someone I had looked up to and made so much content for, it really soured everything in this fandom for me afterwards. I’m not saying that GHOST owed me anything just because I’ve made a bunch of fan content, that’s just absurd, but I didn’t expect them to be that bad. And now, as you can imagine, it’s been really difficult continuing to make fanmade stuff when I really, really despise the creator. 

And I just want reiterate that I’m not saying this to make people hate them too---I’m the last person who would want to spread negativity in this fandom, after how much fun I’ve had in it all these years. And I’m not some demon who’s going to go out of my way to bully them, that’s literally not who I am. I just needed to get this out here to further explain why it’s be hard for me to continue making GHOST content. Because hey, if there truly wasn’t a problem between me and them, why would I stop? 

I guess it also doesn’t help... that all of their recent music has just sounded like utter shit to me? Haha. Maybe I’m a bit biased because of that interaction and stuff, but their instrumentals have just sounded lazier (and WORSE with every STUPID GLITCH SOUND EFFECT THEY PUT IN making my EARS BLEED), and their lyrics have just sounded like word salad. Like cripes, tone it down with the distortion and reverse reverb, it’s getting repetitive and boring and hard to listen to. Plus I’m really not a fan of their current art style. It looks like DeviantArt bases and wikiHow art to me. 

(This last part wasn’t supposed to be a dunk on their current stuff, but I thought I would add it in as even more reasons for my lack of content. Again, I don’t like being hateful, so I’ll try to stop here.)

Anyway yeah, I think that’s everything? Man I hope I won’t regret being honest about all this. It’s been hard trying to keep all of this in, since I prefer to appear as cheerful and happy as my icon! As far as I can tell, no one likes negative people, and negativity drives people away. And I wouldn’t want that! Plus, I really do fear backlash or something for even daring to say anything bad about GHOST. Fans can be cruel, you know? 

I cannot apologize enough for my absence, and I really am sorry for not making anything good while I was gone. I swear that I tried my best, but a lot of this stopped being fun a while ago. It’s just become work now. I promise that I’ll keep trying of course, because what else am I good for, but... can I say for once that I’ll make GHOST content when I can again? It’ll be made when it’s made. 

...Ahh, no, I still feel guilty. Hopefully I’ll get hit with a wave of inspiration, however brief it may be, like I usually do. That typically happens. I just hope that you all can be patient with me for however long that will take. And again, I’m sorry for not working fast enough. I swear on my life I’ve been trying. 

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Sorry, but I think that was kinda harsh. I think it’s totally fair to mentally prepare ourselves, just in case this is a pseudo-farewell tour. Us cool cats with anxiety worry about “this” being the last one every single time a new album is released. Ever since 1989, I’ve aways had a moment of panic-like, what if…? Also, I really have to disagree that our concerns are based on sexist beliefs about women needing to be homemakers. First, it’s no secret that Taylor hates fame. I’m honestly shocked she didn’t retire after Evermore (read: closure, it’s time to go), so to me, anything after that is just bonus material. It’s also no secret that she wants kids, and she wants them to grow up as normal as possible. We also know that she wants to write and direct full length films. None of these reasonings have anything to do with 1950’s shit. However, to help calm other’s anxiety, I have to hope that she cares about us enough to warn us when the last one actually is.

Except the basis of that initial message was: Taylor needs to take a break from touring because she needs to slow down and start a family. I also don't believe that exploring more within film and cinematography or raising well-adjusted children (if she so chooses) precludes her from continuing to make and tour her art. In the case of film because shoot schedules are usually not long and because music will likely always be her primary profession. But I accept that those are alternative reasons you feel would be a time investment away from her primary pursuits.

Again, this would be a topic that I would feel uncomfortable exploring regardless of who it is - but it's especially ironic to talk about because I'm sure the suffocation of expectations about her reproductive plans is bundled right in there with people's most important question they have for her which is when she's going to marry someone. Which is nipped right in the bud on the opening track of Midnights. And which I pointed out in that first message.

I'd also make the case that she's found a way to take the very best parts of touring that she is so excited to get to do again (seeing our faces in the crowd!!!! hearing her art sung back to her by tens of thousands of people!!!! creating a visual entertainment explosion that is the final puzzle piece to her music!!!!!!!) and minimize the not great parts about it (exhaustion, burnout, etc) by pacing herself (less dates with more time in between at larger venues) and also fuelling herself properly (nutritionally) to be able to take on the physical demands of tour.

All that said though the thing I'm most curious about are your interpretations of "closure" and "it's time to go" - as my take is that they're both in their own way about realizing your own value and creating boundaries from toxic friends and toxic relationships to give you the space to invest in people and places that better serve you. Not about disliking fame.

[meteora-writes]

Hiatus

I know I haven’t been updating. Truth is I’ve been too sick and tired to do much of anything. Not sick with anything like covid or the flu, just chronic illness kicking my ass to the point of uselessness. My doctor finally agreed to do actual testing for conditions I likely have, but I’m so broke I can’t get any of it done any time soon. It costs me $22-$24 in taxis for a single visit and I can’t swing that any time soon. Let alone for multiple appointments in a month. Not when I’m making all of $170 a week after taxes.

I think I’ve hit my breaking point. I’m struggling to even shower and feed myself regularly. I can barely take care of my basic needs and some days I wake up so exhausted and miserable I end up just lying in bed hating myself for not being able to even clean my room. I haven’t even tried to write anything for two weeks now because at this point I know that I can’t do it. I can’t get in the headspace to write. I can’t get in the headspace to do anything really.

I barely get my tasks done at work anymore beyond the bare minimum and I know work is judging me for it but I leave every night in physical pain even if I’ve barely done anything and that isn’t good. Sitting in a chair doing mostly nothing all day and then doing 45 minutes of cleaning shouldn’t break me the way it does. But it does and I can’t seem to do anything about it without spending a ton of money I don’t have.

I know I still owe several people commissions. I am so incredibly sorry for that. I want to write them. I have outlines and started docs for several. But nothing comes out of my head when I try. I got one started and got all of 500 words down before my brain sputtered to a halt. I re-wrote it 4 times and the idea always died out at around that point. I don’t know what to do at this point other than stop trying and give my brain a long rest. I’m too sick and too stressed to accomplish anything like this and forcing myself to try is only making things worse.

Hopefully, when I move in a few months it’ll get better. I’ll be living closer to work. I’ll have fewer financial and other responsibilities to worry about. Maybe I’ll be able to recover from some of this burnout and emotional trauma and get back to my old self. Who knows. All I know for now is that I need rest and time and quiet. I need to stop forcing myself to try when I’m just running into a brick wall over and over and making myself worse.

So to those of you waiting for stories I am sorry. I’ve never forgotten what I owe you and I promise one day I will get them done. I just can’t for now and I am deeply ashamed and sorry that I’m making you wait for what I owe you. Please forgive me while I take time to rest and recover.

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing xi.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 2, 396

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a/n:

hi everyone !!! here we are with the weekly update hehe, and it's a brief chapter but it does direct it up to the next one, and that'll be far more ... happening ... if you catch my drift 🤣

anyways, apologies for the silence again - uni has been absolutely kicking my butt and I'm lowkey on the verge of burnout but we'll pull through !!!

hope you enjoy the chapter 🥺❤️

Jungkook sits across from Jennie when it happens.

“What the—?”

“We need to talk.” Jimin glares, hand already grabbing him by the collar when he tugs Jungkook out of his seat. He doesn’t bother to send Jennie a look of acknowledgment, though he doubts she’s at any fault. He was only there for one thing and the subject of his disdain only looks perplexed and confused.

“Can we do this later?” Jungkook huffs, gesturing between his body and Jennie’s. She’s blinking at the interaction, then picks up her purse to shoot the two boys a half-hearted smile.

“I think I know what you needed to say,” She smiles. Then she looks over to Jimin who’s still glaring down at the younger boy, “Good luck.”

Her wish only makes Jungkook gulp, but he can more or less guess what Jimin is dragging him by collar about.

When he manages to ruffle his clothes back into position and sees the angry slope of Jimin’s back, he takes a deep breath. Jimin was by no means a terrifying person on average, in fact, he was quite debatably one of the most pleasant people anyone could know.

But Jimin was loyal and he stuck by the people he cared about with all his heart. He’d fight and he’d defend them till the end of time, and you were no different. Especially since the two of you grew up with each other, Jimin seeing you grow from an inquisitive toddler to the intelligent woman you were today—Jimin would die to protect you.

So when Jimin shuffles through his backpack to hand Jungkook a pack of ice, he can only stare at the cold object in the palm of his hands.

“What is this—?”

“You’ll need it.” Jimin deadpans, then he’s rolling up his sleeves.

“I thought we were talking?” Jungkook asks with a raised brow.

“We are,” Jimin retorts, eyes unblinking when he stares the younger boy down with a heavy-lidded gaze, “After I beat your ass for fucking _____ over.”

Jungkook opens his mouth, ready to defend but Jimin’s resolute glare only makes him cower in submission. He knew he fucked up, and he knew that there was no way he could get a word in even to meekly apologise because when Jimin had his mind set on something, he wouldn’t stop until that goal was achieved.

And it seems that Jimin’s goal was to give Jungkook a physical reminder on why he shouldn’t fuck with the things or people he loved.

“Let me take off my jacket,” Jungkook mutters, defeated.

After multiple shoves against the wall and a generous swing to his cheek, Jungkook is begrudgingly holding the ice-pack against his bruising face.

Jimin doesn’t look apologetic when the two of them sit side-by-side on the sidewalk, or even when Jungkook’s lip busted open. He knew Jungkook could take it, he was twice his size. Even more so, Jungkook knew Jimin had every reason to act the way he did.

“Thanks for the ice pack, by the way,” Jungkook says sarcastically, wincing when he moves his mouth a little too much.

Jimin doesn’t gratify him with a response, instead levels a stare so menacing that it could send anyone running. But Jungkook’s done a bit too much of that recently; so he stays, braces himself for the words that were to leave Jimin’s lips.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jungkook sighs, scrunching his face before tossing the ice pack aside. He supposed that it was nearly useless, nearly melting into a puddle that drips down his arm uncomfortably.

“I don’t know,” Jungkook confesses softly.

“You’ve got a set of nerves on you if you thought it was ever okay to say the shit you did to her, let alone a human being.” Jimin frowns, pulling Jungkook but his collar so that he’d look at him.

Jimin’s face is permanently etched into a scowl, but Jungkook already knows he’s fucked up. The constant reminder of you turning to different directions whenever you’d spot him was enough to hurt more than a punch to the face.

“I know.” Jungkook whispers, fiddling with his thumbs.

“Do you, Jungkook?” Jimin spits, glaring down at the boy who remains helpless under his grasp, “I told you to not fuck with her and you deliberately went against what I said.” His reminder is vicious and quiet, a hiss in the wind that blows.

Jungkook hears it loud and clear, “I know,” He exasperates, still as frustrated with himself as he was with the entire situation, “I know.” He repeats, more defeatedly.

Jimin shoves Jungkook back by releasing his grip around the collar that he nearly stumbles. But Jungkook catches himself just barely when Jimin rises to his feet, looking down at his younger friend like he was a piece of gum stuck on the sole of his shoes.

“Why?” Jimin asks after a beat of silence.

Jungkook purses his lips. He knows why, but he still can’t bring himself to say it. Not when he knows he’s fucked up and Jimin is rightfully furious. He knows Taehyung knows at this point too, there was nothing that Jimin knew that Taehyung didn’t. It was just that Jimin was the more confrontational one where Taehyung was passively aggressive with his anger.

“I …” Jungkook trails off weakly, standing up to reach Jimin’s height but despite his friend being taller, his presence was already intimidating enough.

“You doing that shit with her was one thing, because if it was consensual I’d go on my merry way,” Jimin sneers, poking a firm finger into Jungkook’s chest, “But you had to go and poke at her insecurities to hurt her. On purpose. That’s where you fucked up. Royally.”

Jungkook blinks, intently listening and observing the way Jimin’s chest rises and falls with every breath he heaves.

“It’s taking everything in me not to smear your reputation on campus for the shit you did,” Jimin’s eyes flutters shut and his voice is threatening. Jungkook’s eyes widen, but he still remains quiet, “But against my better conscience, you’re my friend. And I’m so fucking disappointed in you.” Jimin croaks like he’s conflicted.

And for the first time ever since the conversation started, Jungkook feels bad for Jimin; specifically. He knew that it was difficult to defend your friend while berating another, and he hated himself for putting him into a difficult position. It was an internal dispute that Jimin and Taehyung would have to face between holding Jungkook accountable and leaving him to dust.

There was history, between the four of you. But there was unseen history between Jimin and Jungkook that you and Taehyung hadn’t seen, and Jungkook’s always regarded Jimin as an older brother, honorific aside.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook whispers.

Jimin looks up, glaring at the apology like he’s sworn at him.

“I can’t believe you.” He sneers, barring his teeth intimidatingly while Jungkook swallows.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook looks down at his feet, and for a moment he feels like a child being scolded but he knew that children would never say anything as vicious as he did, unless they were a product of their environments.

Jungkook still can’t justify his words, or why he said them. But a deep part of his recognises that it was his insecurities peeking through and him weaponising a weapon powerful enough to shoot himself dead.

“This isn't my apology to accept,” Jimin says sternly, “But even if it was—I could never forget what you said to her, Jungkook.”

Jungkook nods, eyes still cast downwards.

“What does this …” he trails off, finally looking up to see Jimin carding a hand through his hair in exasperation and a pinched expression marring his face, “Where does this leave us?’

Jimin knows Jungkook’s asking about the state of their friendship together.

But the anger is blinding and overwhelming, so instead; he tosses his backpack over his shoulder before turning on his heel, head looking back ever so slightly to level Jungkook with a final gaze intense enough to speak for itself.

“Here,” Jimin declares, gesturing to the abandoned ice pack, the bruised cheek and knuckles, “Until you decide to get your shit together, I need time away from you. If not, I’m going to do something that ____ would hate and I don’t want to hurt her any more than you already have.”

The words are sharp, targeted and venomous. But Jungkook recognises he deserves it. He also doesn’t bother fighting back when Jimin finally leaves, leaving Jungkook to bask in his own, clouded thoughts.

“Why are your knuckles bruised?” Is the first thing you ask Jimin when you see him storming towards you and Taehyung in the library.

Taehyung is aware while you blissfully aren’t.

“None of your business,” Jimin shoots back, but then he’s tugging you out of your seat to hug you.

Your eyes widen, “Jimin?”

When he pulls away, his eyes soften.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

Taehyung nods and your head is spinning in confusion when you stare between the two boys with furrowed brows.

“Tell you what?”

“Jungkook.” Taehyung answers, eyes boring a hole into your skull.

At the mention of his name, you freeze in Jimin’s grasp as you stare at the both of them with wide eyes.

“How did you know—?”

Jimin frowns, releasing you so that you’re all able to take a seat in a specific corner of the library. You dryly note to yourself that you realise that every one of your conflicting moments of confrontation occurred in this place. Maybe it was about time for a change of scenery.

“Yena,” Taehyung tells you, and you scowl—nearly cussing her out in your mind but you know that your anger wasn’t warranted.

Especially when Jimin reaches out to grab your hand when he notices you looking down at your lap.

“How do you think it felt for us when we had to find out from someone else that you’ve been going through a hard time?” He asks softly, looking at you so gently that your lip nearly trembles.

For the longest time, Jimin and Taehyung were like older brothers that doted on you as much as they could. They took care of you and made sure that you knew your worth ever since the three of you were children. And for that, you could never be more thankful for their presence.

So you understand their hurt, and it makes you feel guiltier when you see Taehyung quietly patting your head although his eyes carry a sadness that only came from a friend withholding information from you.

“I …” You croak.

“You didn’t need to tell us why,” Taehyung reassures gently, “Just wanted to be here for you. For whatever reason, it may be.”

You stare down at your lap even harder and blink away the tears that only came with guilt.

“I’m sorry.” You say so meekly that it comes out as a squeak.

“Please don’t apologise. We just want to be here for you,” Jimin says sadly, squeezing your hand tighter even if you weren’t going to look at him. He doesn’t push you to do so.

“I didn’t want to make things complicated.” You confess softly, fiddling with the thumb on your free hand.

Taehyung scowls, “_____, you know that whatever it is, Jimin and I will try our best to remain as objective as possible but Jungkook said things to you that we're absolutely not okay and as both of your friends, we have a responsibility to hold him accountable.”

You purse your lips, nearly pouting. It’s as if Jimin reads your mind, where a million thoughts run through it, he pulls you closer so that he can properly hug you. Even if the position is a little weird and Taehyung has to bend his arm at a weird angle to be able to hug you too, you feel comforted.

“Don’t be mad at him.” You whisper softly into the material of Taehyung’s shirt.

Jimin snorts, “I release my anger in a healthy manner.”

Your eyes glance down at his knuckle suspiciously but he tugs it away when he notices your wandering eyes.

Taehyung sighs, caressing your hair softly. “We have every right to be angry with him, _____. What he did and said was unacceptable.” He informs you firmly.

You pull away slightly from their hold to furrow your eyebrows, “I know but—”

“You do know,” Jimin says softly, “And we know that you don’t like other people fighting your battles for you so we’ll step out of it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t personally be disappointed in what Jungkook did. He’s our friend too and if he did that to anyone else, we’d still be mad. We’re just extra mad because it’s you and we’re your best friends.”

You dip your head, letting out a sigh of acknowledgement.

“Just … let me talk to him.” You say, and Taehyung raises a brow at the shift in your tone, “This is something I need to do for myself. I appreciate you guys, I really do. But I don’t want things to be weird because of what we did.”

You can tell Jimin is about to argue with you, but Taehyung shoots him a look that shuts him up immediately.

“If that’s what you want.” Taehyung smiles gently at you.

Jimin clenches his jaw, clearly the more displeased one between the two. But he swallows it by clenching his fist and patting your head, shooting you a concerned stare mask in a slight glare.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

You nod, “Very.”

Jimin nibbles on his lips as if deep in thought before pulling away completely, leaning into his chair.

“If you insist,” He sighs, “But Jungkook did get what he deserved.”

You shrug, “I mean I don’t think avoiding him was the worst thing to do, but I guess you’re right.”

Jimin blinks.

Then Taehyung and he are sharing a look familiar enough for you to know only comes out when they did something wrong or were caught causing trouble.

You raise a brow, “Am I missing something?”

Jimin shoots you a reassuring smile and you miss the shift of Taehyung’s eyes to the fist that wraps around your shoulder.

“Nothing at all.”

You [21:09]: hi jungkook

You [21:24]: can we talk? my door's open if you're free.

[sydneysstudies]

Motivation is very hard to come by when learning online if you are used to being motivated by those around you at school. We have to learn to become self-sufficient and figure out which methods are best to boost your motivation. If you’re struggling to focus, instead of getting frustrated, try to analyze how you feel and what changes you could make to help your situation.

Common scenarios:

1. You’re stuck or frustrated with understanding a topic

Change the subject/task that you are working on to something else and plan to come back to it later with a fresh mind or take a break altogether, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed.

Ask a friend or professor for help. No shame in this (and something that I need to work on doing more).

2. You’re short on time so it feels like you're forced to do a task or you’re bored

(I’ve gotten so used to doing things ahead of time that I find that when I have very little time to do something I feel so overwhelmed that I’m tempted to not even do it at all. I have to convince myself that it’s better to submit as much as I can, rather than not try at all. However, I know that some work better under pressure, like I did too before.)

Change up what music/sounds you are listening to. I rarely am able to work without any sounds, I use music or background sounds to calm me down or keep me from getting too bored. Try switching between classical, video game music, library/cafe ambiance, ASMR, etc. until you are able to comfortably focus with it in the background. Sometimes I like to listen to music in a different language so I don’t get distracted by any lyrics.

Remember that you still need to take breaks. If you don't, you may start to hate doing what you’re working on and that's not what we're going for here.

3. You’re tired and you could probably nod off at any minute

Do a short meditation, which is perfect to clear your mind if you're feeling overwhelmed/distracted too.

Just take a nap. (They don’t always work well for me, but it might be that I’m not taking them for the right amount of time?)

Plan to go to bed earlier that night. Trust me it is worth it!

4. You’re just not able to start doing work at all

Having a schedule in place can help so you don't have to decide when to start working, you just follow the schedule/routine you have set for yourself.

Start with a task that has little resistance, like a topic that you enjoy or something easy and then try more difficult tasks once that barrier of getting started is broken.

The app Forest helped me because I knew that once I started a study session there is no backing down, which helps you get over that initial hesitation to start.

Watching other people's study vlogs/advice videos can be super motivating, just make sure to watch out for unhealthy habits (pulling all-nighters, not getting enough sleep, grinding, etc.) that you don’t want to adopt.  Recommendations: Jing, Ruby Granger, UnJaded Jade

What about when you really don't want to work anymore? When you’ve lost the will to even try? This usually happens when you’re burnt out or you don’t feel like online school is even real (the due dates don’t seem urgent, the grades on your screen don’t mean anything to you anymore, etc.).

Don't forget what motivated you or kept you focused before or in other terms. Reflect on what you've been doing different recently that has led you to feel this way, and set yourself new goals to try to return to (or start) good habits. 

You’re most likely lacking internal motivation when everything but school just seems way more interesting. Remind yourself why you’re doing this in the first place. One giant motivator for me this past term was just pure curiosity and the want to learn. I kept reminding myself about how privileged I was to learn in the comfort of my own home and at my own pace.

Burnout could possibly due to not enough breaks, making you feel trapped doing work. Making time for things that I enjoy doing like cooking, getting outside, or exercising always helped boost my motivation to get back to work. Check out my previous post on the importance on taking breaks to see how to implement more breaks into your routine.

Hopefully you found one of my tips or back-to-school posts helpful, feel free to ask me questions anytime or just message me if you need motivation!

[kasienda]

The Five Minute Adventures of Snake Noir: Ch 6 - Miraculous Abuse

Chapter 1: I Want It To Be You

Chapter 2: Best Friends

Chapter 3: Best Laid Plans

Chapter 4: A Thank You

Chapter 5: Unwanted Revelations

Chapter 6: Miraculous Abuse

If Adrien had avoided using the snake before, he now was operating on the other extreme. Ladybug had told him to abuse it, and he’s not sure she would have meant it quite so literally, but well… he and Nino had come up with a list. 

It had started with his homework. If he could finish his homework in far less time, he’d  have more time to visit Nino and Marinette. Not that it took a lot of time to visit Marinette as it was usually a loop, so even if he spent hours with her, it never took longer than ten minutes as far as the rest of the world was concerned. 

He unfortunately couldn’t do all of his homework in a time loop because that would leave whatever he had completed in the last five minutes erased. But he could do all the reading, researching, planning, and studying in a loop. Anything that didn’t require him to write anything down. 

Nathalie had only walked on him transformed once. 

“Yes, Nathalie?” he had asked, without looking up from his textbook. He hadn’t even thought about it. 

She stood stock still and was dead silent. He glanced towards her with a frown - her eyes were comically wide, but that was the only sign that she was shocked. He glanced down, and remembered he was transformed at Aspik. 

Read on Ao3

“Oh shit!” 

But it had been easy enough to fix. He just reset, destranformed, waited for Nathalie to come in and deliver his schedule changes for the week and leave, and then he transformed again. 

And then Nino had realized if he could pack all of his studying into the space of five minutes, Adrien could surely squeeze in some well deserved leisure time as well. 

It only took 71 loops to read a hundred thousand words, and Adrien had long ago discovered the joys of fanfiction, but he had never really had time to read more than a bit here or there. Now? With unlimited time and an entire endless library of things to read based on his favorite games and anime? Let’s just say his current power set brought a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Just One More Chapter.” 

And a season of anime was only 119 loops. Hell, he had gotten through all 981 episodes of One Piece in 4532 loops, which was still nothing compared to his time as Aspik, and honestly, far less traumatizing. 

He had felt slightly guilty about it. He was literally using the powers of time travel to watch anime. 

But when he mentioned it to Nino, his friend had just rolled his eyes. “Dude! You’re thinking about this all wrong. You’re a hero and we need you to be okay. This is about avoiding burnout as much as it is about having a good time. It’s so you get enough of a break and enough sleep to be a competent hero that we all need!”

But eventually the stories and shows hadn’t been enough to hold his attention. And he took another of Nino’s ideas and started paying visits to several of his friends. 

He had gone to Kagami first. He had no expectations of healing things with her, but he had always wanted to be able to explain so that his apologies might mean something.

“Chat Noir? Is there an akuma?” she asked by way of greeting. 

He rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Ah, no. I wanted to talk to you about something, but I also have to erase your memory after the fact to protect identities. Are you okay with that?”

Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “You have piqued my curiosity. You may proceed.” 

He nodded. He had already activated his power before he had landed in her bedroom that was definitely as lavish as his own if not quite as spacious. 

“So… more than anything I wanted to apologize to you?”

She frowned. “I’m unaware of anything that you have done that would require an apology.”

“Kagami, I’m Adrien.”

Her eyes went wide for a second. “Ah, I see.” Then, she nodded. 

“That’s it?” 

“No, it makes a lot of sense.” And then she did something he never would have expected. She smiled. And most of his tension released. 

“I just wanted to explain now that I had the ability to. That I wasn’t ever lying to you or running from our dates because I wanted to.” 

“You had to sacrifice your own desires for a higher calling.”

“Yeah, that’s it exactly.”

She smiled at him again. “I appreciate you coming to explain and I understand completely why I can’t remember. May I ask you a question?” 

“Of course!” 

“Were you never in love with Marinette?”

“Well, I… uh… it was hard to see Marinette when I was completely enamored with Ladybug, but…”

She shook her head. “Are you in love with both of them now?” 

“I mean, sortve?” He knew Kagami hated when he ended every sentence as if it was a question. “They’re the same person.”

Kagami sighed. “How disappointing.” 

“Disappointing?! She’s amazing!” 

“I know, but if she’s Ladybug and you’re Chat Noir, I have never had a chance with either of you.” 

He felt like he had been thrown off a cliff. “What? You had feelings for Marinette?” 

She grinned. “Well, she is amazing, as you always say. At least I know that I have really good taste.”

“Well, I’m sorry to have ruined all your prospects.” 

“I will survive. Neither of you define me as a person.” 

“You’re pretty amazing, too, you know,” he told her sincerely. 

She nodded. “You honor me.” 

He laughed. “Kagami, please don’t get all formal on me. I’m still just me.” 

“Well, I hope you know that I appreciate all that you and Ladybug do for the city,” Kagami told him, ignoring his request.

“Thank you, Kagami. That means a lot coming from you.” 

She nodded in acknowledgment and he knew he was being dismissed, and then he slid the switch on his bracelet and he was on the roof of her family’s manor once again his heart a little lighter.

He had gone to Alya after that. He had been nervous since she was the one who tended to push him aside as Chat Noir. But his fears proved to be completely unfounded as for the most part she could never stop laughing whenever he revealed himself.

“Wait! You’re Adrien?!”

She burst into cackles immediately. 

“Why is that so funny?!” He has demanded the first time. 

She had just grinned, shaking her head and still chuckling. “I wish I could explain it to you, sunshine.” 

“I already know Marinette is Ladybug,” he said.

“Oh good! Then I don’t have to be panicked about accidentally slipping!” And she went back to rolling on the floor laughing. 

“You wouldn’t happen to already know Marinette’s other secret would you?” she asked.

His eyebrows scrunched together under his mask. “Umm… that she’s in love with me as Adrien?” 

Her face lit up. “Oh see!! You do get it!” 

He shook his head. “I do not get it.” 

“The two of you managed to get yourself in a love square. You’ve been chasing each other around like two cute little hamsters in hamster balls.” 

He sighed, far less amused than Alya at the current state of his Marinette’s relationship. “I’m really glad someone is getting some joy out of this.” 

“Hey!” she objected. “I’m only going to know this for another three minutes! Let me have my fun!”

He held up his hands in surrender, and he was smiling in spite of himself. Maybe some time in the future, after he and Marinette could be together, it would be funny to him, too.

“God! This is why it feels like I’m third-wheeling during akuma fights,” she exclaimed.

“You feel like a third wheel?!” he repeated in disbelief. “Have you seen the chaotic energy that is you and Marinette coming up with a plan together? I am definitely the third wheel in that situation.”

And then she was cackling again. “I’m sorry,” she wheezed. “Nino says I can be a bit of a bulldozer when I’m trying to find a solution to something.” 

“That’s putting it mildly,” he said dryly.

All the mirth fled her face and she looked at him in concern. “Hey, you okay?”

He nodded. “It’s not like I’m allowed to be anything else.” 

“No, don’t say that! You’re allowed to be upset with me! I deserve it sometimes.”

He shook his head. “I’m never going to hold your ability to defeat an akuma against you. I just… have felt a little unneeded lately,” he admitted.

She stared at him for a second and then she burst into laughter again. 

And despite still not getting it, he found himself chuckling, too. Her laughter was just that infectious. “Why do you find this so funny?” he asked. 

“Because you’re a literal superhero and a model with more money than god, and a heart of absolute gold. You work with her as Ladybug so well I have to deal with crazy conspiracy theorists on the Ladyblog  who think the two of you must be telepathic aliens!” 

“What? People don’t think that.” 

“They do! And it’s annoying. But my point is you’re the real deal, Agreste, and she’s crazy about you, and you know it, and yet you still manage to doubt yourself.” 

“I’m glad my struggles and hang ups are so amusing to you,” he said with a pout. 

She sat up and fist bumped his shoulder. “Aww! Sunshine! I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant, your insecurity makes you seem sweeter and cuter. And it makes you seem more human. I don’t mean to mock you in any way.”

He searched her face and only found open sincerity.

“Thanks, Alya.” 

“So, does she know that you know?” 

“I mean, she doesn’t right now. But I’ve told her. Many many times, but it was just like this and she doesn’t remember.” 

She softened. “That sounds difficult.” 

“It’s apparently better than the alternative,” he said, going for nonchalance, but he didn’t fool her if her scooching to sit right next to him was anything to go by.  

“I wish we could all fix it for you, Adrien.” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

“How are you?” 

He shrugged. “I’m okay at the moment. Some days are worse than others. Nino… Nino has been a godsend.” 

She smiled. “He is pretty amazing. He knows outside of a loop?” 

“He does.” 

“I’m glad you have that, Adrien. Marinette was falling apart at the seams before she told me.” 

“Does he know about Marinette?” Adrien asked. Sometimes, it seemed like Nino knew more than he was letting on. But maybe his friend was just really respectful of secrets and didn’t ask questions.

“Not from me! And he hasn’t told me about you being Chat Noir either.” 

Adrien glanced toward the window. 

“Does it bother you that there are secrets between the two of you?” he finally asked.

“No, not these ones. They’re not our secrets. They’re yours, and they’re Marinette’s, so they’re not ours to share.”

“I'm jealous,” he admitted.

She offered him a sympathetic smile. “Someday, you won’t have to be anymore.”

The Snake beeped it’s first warning. “Time’s just about up.”

She offered him a fist bump and then a hug. He reciprocated both. “I’m glad you stopped by, Sunshine. You’re always welcome any time you think my particular brand of company is something that would help you.” 

He grinned. “Thank you, Alya.” 

“I look forward to the day when all four of us can just be open about everything,” she said. 

He snorted. “You and me both.” 

His went to his bodyguard next. 

“I just wanted to apologize to you for always running off. I don’t mean to make your job harder or get you into trouble. I am literally running away to save the city.”

His bodyguard didn’t say anything. He never said anything. He had just let out a resigned sigh and then patted Adrien’s shoulder. 

Adrien took that as forgiveness and reset the loop. There was no sense in sitting there in awkward silence for another four and a half minutes. 

When he had told Nathalie one afternoon at her desk outside her office, she looked horrified - frozen as still as a statue trapped in Medusa’s gaze. 

“Nathalie?” 

“I… all this time?” she whispered.

“Yeah. I know it’s a lot. I know it causes you a bit of grief when I disappear.” 

She waved away his concern. “Right now, we’re in some kind of time loop and I won’t remember?” 

“But you will,” she said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” he confirmed anyway. 

“Adrien, I need you to listen to me.”

He nodded. 

“I can never find out. Your father can’t either. If you need something because you’re hurt or cornered, or…” she trailed off.

Was she crying? 

She cleared her throat. 

“Go to your friends. Their parents. Just… not your father, okay? Or me, because I’d have to inform him.”

His brows furrowed together in confusion. “Okay?” It wasn’t hard to to agree despite how weird she was being. He knew Paris needed him and he also knew that his father would never let him continue. Especially if he was seeking help due to an injury or something.

That’s what Nathalie was referring to, right? 

She patted him on the shoulder. It was even more awkward than when his bodyguard had done it. 

“Adrien, you’re quite impressive as a hero.” 

“Thank you,” he said with a smile.

And then there was Marinette. He had learned that it was impossible to tell her he was Adrien without making her cry, which was frustrating because she was also so much more open and affectionate once she knew. 

“How do I get you to not breakdown when I tell you this?” he asked her seriously.

She laughed through her tears. “I’m sorry, kitty. I have no idea. It’s just… it’s not fair.” 

He smiled. “That’s what Ladybug always says,” he told her casually. She didn’t know that he knew this go around.

“She’s right! You deserve so much, and life… it’s not fair!”

He turned to her seriously. “I don’t need life to be fair, Mari. I just… don’t want to have to wear a mask all the time.” And then he smiled. “I’m glad that you’re okay with me doing this.” 

She nodded tearfully. “Anytime, Kitty. Anytime.”  

Then during a regular patrol at one point. He had just realized he wanted to make her laugh. So he spent another few hundred loops figuring out which jokes made her laugh the hardest and which ones were absolute duds. Then, on a day when she was having a hard time, he showed up on her balcony and gave her the best one hour comedy of her life. 

Her unrestrained laughter was so explosive she had literally fallen out of her chair. Totally worth it. 

“Thank you, kitty,” she said wiping the tears induced by her laughter. “You have no idea how much I needed this.” 

He hadn’t argued. “Of course, princess. I am always at your service!”

Then, he started working on the perfect confession. He was trying to see if he could get her to kiss him as Chat Noir without revealing his identity because, you know, that always made her cry. 

“Can I use the snake to ask you a very important question?” He has asked Ladybug on patrol. 

She nodded, and he activated it. 

“What do you think it would take to get you to kiss me?” 

She laughed. “Are you serious right now? That is your very important question?” 

“It is,” he nodded, but offered her a huge grin so she could take it as a joke if she wanted.

“Why? You haven’t been able to be successful yet?” she teased.

“Oh no! I’ve been super successful. All I really have to do is tell you my name.”

She scoffed.

“No, I’m serious!” he boasted with a huge grin splitting his face knowing she only half believed him.

“So, why don’t you just do that?” she asked seriously. 

“Because you always cry! And I don’t want to kiss away your tears. I want to make you smile.” 

She got quiet. “You know, we can’t be together right?” 

“Yeah Marinette,” he whispered. “I know that really well.”

 It was silent.

“How long have you known?” she asked softly.

He had no idea how to answer that question. Because time was now very weird for him. In one sense he had only known for a few weeks, on the other he had literally spent so much time in loops that it had to have been at least twice that at this point. Maybe more.

“A while,” he said. “But we’ve already talked about that to death. I’d much rather figure out how to get you to fall desperately in love with this half of me.” 

She raised her eyebrows. “You want me to fall desperately in love with you in five minutes?” 

He shrugged. “We have a solid foundation of trust and friendship. I’m not starting from nothing. Plus, I’ve fallen in love in less than five minutes before.” With her. He didn’t think he needed to say that though.  

She actually smiled. “Yeah, I’ve fallen in love pretty fast before, too.” 

And it occurred to him that he had no idea what had made her fall in love with Adrien. He probably could ask her, but that was one more memory that he wanted her to remember having told him. 

He could probably just show up on her balcony as regular old Chat Noir and just say something like, “So, Adrien Agreste, huh?” She’d probably tell him, and she’d even remember it. But she wouldn’t know that it was him she was telling. 

How the hell had his life gotten so complicated? 

“There’s no way I would start crying just from knowing your name though,” she said. “You have to be making that up.”

He just turned to her and raised his eyebrows. 

The expression probably didn’t work as well with his transformation covering them. 

But she still hesitated. “There’s no way!” she exclaimed, but then she got a thoughtful look in her eyes. “Unless…” 

And then her eyes started welling with tears.

And he almost laughed. But he managed to hold it back.

“Oh, come here, bug,” he said instead, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her to him. And he just held her as she shook silently. 

“It’s not fair,” she whispered. 

“I know,” he said, and then kissed the top of her head. “I know.”

“Do you see my problem now?” he said after another pause. 

And she laughed through her tears, which had been his intention, and he smiled.

She pulled away. “I’ve thought about it before, you know.”

“Thought about what?”

“Letting myself fall for Chat Noir?”

He hugged her tighter. “Yeah?” 

“It never seemed like it would be that hard. I think if it hadn’t been for Chat Blanc, it would have happened after New York.”

He laughed. “Really? New York was when I thought maybe I should ask out Marinette.” 

She looked up at him in horror. “Oh my god! We’re just perpetually screwed, aren’t we? We’re just going to keep missing each other over and over!”

He kissed her hand. “No m’lady,” he assured. “That can’t happen because now I know, and I can’t forget.” 

And then she was crying again, harder. “I don’t want to forget either.”

“I know,” he told her, kissing her hand again. “I promise it won’t be forever.” 

“I love you, Adrien.” 

“I love you, too.”

And that time, of the two of them, it was he who was stronger and able to slide his fingers across the reset. 

And he might have stayed in that loop far longer than he should have trying to figure out the way to the heart he had apparently already won.

He learned that she did enjoy his flirting whatever she said to the contrary, but the moments where he was vulnerable and genuine were the ones that seemed to move her the most.

But none of it was quite enough. If he wanted a kiss, he always had to tell her his name. 

But despite his failure, pulling himself out of that loop was the hardest thing he had ever done.

And that’s how he knew he was in trouble. 

… 

“Nino, you have to take this away from me,” Adrien said, holding out the snake miraculous. He had just arrived and released both his transformations. 

Nino took it, his eyebrows pinched together. “What? Why?” 

“Because I’m scared I’m going to go into a loop and I’m never going to come out of it.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Look! Being here with you, with you knowing everything, is amazing. It’s the only time I feel like myself, unless,” he held up the bracelet, “I’m using this and… it’s getting harder to pull myself out of the loops.” 

“Your visits to Ladybug?” 

“Yeah,” Adrien admitted. “She told me to go every single day so I would remember what it was like to be loved,” he paused for a second, trying to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. “The problem is I really really like being loved.” 

And then he couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. 

Nino pulled him by the arm down to the ground and sat right next to him shoulder to shoulder.

Adrien buried his face in his hands. 

“For the record, dude,” Nino whispered. “You are loved even outside a loop with Ladybug.” 

Adrien threw his arms around Nino. “I honestly don’t know why you put up with me at this point. I feel like you have to put up with a lot.”

Nino grinned. “Hey! I happen to like hanging out with you! This shift has been awesome because I get to see you way more often.” 

“And I’m not like messing up date night with Alya or anything, am I?” 

“Nah!” Nino waves away his concern. “Alya and I hangout in the mornings and during lunch. Lately Marinette has monopolized her evenings.” 

Adrien managed to keep a straight face at that. “If you and her ever do need a day away from the children, I’m sure Marinette and I can figure out a way to take care of ourselves for a day.” 

Nino burst out laughing. 

“What?! I’m a big boy and Marientte’s a big girl. We can take care of ourselves.” 

Nino just shook his head, still snickering. 

“Maybe all four of us could do something some time,” Nino suggested, his eyes sparkling.

Adrien narrowed his eyes. Did Nino know? He knew he couldn’t ask without giving it away, and he had just handed over the snake. 

“That sounds really nice,” Adrien said, knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle going on a double date that he had to pretend wasn’t a double date. But someday. 

He wanted to cry again, but his eyes remained dry. 

“So, you just want me to keep it?” Nino asked, holding up the bracelet. “Should I hide it here in the room? Or wear it?” 

“Wear it,” Adrien said. That was the only way Nino would know where it was at all times. “But don’t use it. Not even for an akuma.”

He didn’t want Nino to ever experience a loop on the battlefield. Not if he could help it. 

“I reserve the right to come save your ass if necessary,” Nino said as he slipped the miraculous around his wrist. 

Adrien laughed. “Okay, but please don’t unless you absolutely have to. I don’t need Ladybug pissed at me for giving away a miraculous.” 

Nino frowned at him then. “Why are you giving this to me, instead of back to her?” 

Adrien’s answer to that was complicated. Partly because he didn’t want Marinette to know that his loops with her were hurting him even as they gave him hope, and he definitely didn’t want her to know that he had fallen to the point of being borderline addicted. 

But there was also a strategic element to his choice. He could approach Nino in either form, and Nino would know to trust him. 

“You know who I am,” Adrien finally said. 

“Will you be okay without it?” Nino asked.

Adrien shrugged. “I don’t know. But I’m definitely not okay with it right now.” He paused, then looked at Nino. “I might be texting and calling you a lot over the next few days.” 

Nino laughed. “I can’t promise to answer right away all the time, but you can always do that, man. Always.” 

Adrien let his head fall onto Nino’s shoulder. “Have I ever told you that you’re the absolute best?” 

“I could stand to hear it a few more times,” Nino said. 

Adrien grinned. “Noted.”

…

Chapter 7: The Five Minute Adventures of Ananta

[bluewhale52]

Little Black Book: The One You Hate (M)

Summary: There are a few names in your Little Black Book, and these seven hold a special place in your heart. Now that you are closing that chapter in your life, you reminisce the time and experience you have had with your seven favourite men, especially with Kim Seokjin, the one you hate.

Pairing: Seokjin x female reader

Rating: Explicit. NO MINORS ALLOWED.

Genre: nonidol!au, strangers to lovers, friends with benefit

WC: 3.9k

Warning: swearing, car blowjob, ass slapping, OC loves going down on Seokjin, sex against a window, sex between coworkers, love-hate relationship between OC and Seokjin (more on OC). I guess that’s about it….

A/N: Many, many, many thanks to @rainbhrts94​ for beta-ing this piece. I was experiencing a burnout and having a hard time putting all my thoughts together, and her reviews and suggestions totally helped getting this fic into its final form. Thank you!!  Also, I’m a total dodo when it comes to Tumblr so with some help from @aroseforyoongi​ and @moccahobi​, I’m reposting this with hope that the link works this time round!

Series Masterlist:  Little Black Book

Kim Seokjin was the bane of your existence. 

The cocky, arrogant IP attorney from the New York office had everyone on your floor in an uproar for weeks. You had seen him making one of the conference rooms his home away from home, with a hoard of lawyers and secretaries going in and out at his beckoning. You were watching them with jealousy. Sure, you were a mere junior in the firm and therefore the lowest in the food chain (just slightly above the interns), but you really wanted to be part of the action. 

Then, somehow, during his  last few days in Seoul, you were picked to help him and his team. Your excitement soon turned sour, as you were constantly on coffee and photocopy duties. How could you prove your worth when you were too busy being worked as Kim Seokjin’s personal server? Why couldn’t he ask one of his groupies? There were plenty of secretaries and PAs throwing themselves at him; you bet one of them would be happy to do this… THIS menial job. It was truly beneath your job description, and you started to simply, truly hate the man.

If that was really the case though, how did you end up in his luxury rental car, bending over towards the driver seat, sucking his cock? How did your mouth end up around his shaft, while your saliva dripped down and coated your fingers around his base? Why were your panties getting wetter with every moan and groan that left his lips? Why did you wish he would just spank your ass instead of tugging your hair? Why, when he came, did you gobble up his seed so greedily and lick him clean? Why did you even feel the need to stick your tongue out to him to show him you had swallowed every single drop?

Seokjin exhaled sharply then looked over at you as he tucked himself back in. “You do this with every visiting attorney?” He leered at you.

You rolled your eyes. “Just the one that pisses me off.”

He chuckled. “I should piss you off more then.”

“Are you going to drive me home or what?”

Seokjin started his car. The engine purred, and you pressed your thighs closer together at the soft vibrations that went through the car. “I promised I’d buy you dinner first, didn’t I?”

You flashed him a saccharine smile. “I had a meal already, thanks.”

Seokjin sniggered as he pulled out of the parking lot. He had offered to drive you home - “the least I can do after all your hard work this week” he had said- and while your little apartment was at the other end of the city from the five-star hotel he was staying, it was indeed the least he could do for you. So when you had settled in his car and buckled your seatbelt, after he had asked if he could buy you dinner, you- in your frustration, because you hated him and you just wanted to go home (god, was that too much to ask)- muttered under your breath on how you would rather suck his dick than have dinner with him. 

You had been taken aback when he broke into a brazen smile, challenging you to eat your own words, and damned if you were going to back down. Deep down, you had wanted to see if this perfect man with the perfect face and the perfect suits tailored around his perfect body (he had legs that went for miles, you hated to admit), also had the perfect dick. 

It turned out that he did, and his perfect dick was perfectly hard when you unzipped him. And so, that was how you went down on Kim Seokjin, giving him a near perfect blowjob, in his car, in the basement parking lot of your firm. (Near perfect because honestly, you could have done a lot more had you had more ample space to move.)

You stole a glance at Seokjin as he drove. His side profile was sharp and too good to be true. Flashes of lights only further highlighted his jaw and cheekbones. You looked away, pouting. 

“I’m flying back tomorrow evening.” He broke the silence. “You gonna miss me?”

You scoffed. “You wish. I’ll finally be able to do real work rather than making you coffee.”

He had the gall to laugh. “I’ll be back in two months. Don’t worry.”

The rest of the drive was quiet. How did you get into this? How could you possibly be so horny for him? Was it your dislike for him that made you like this? You should have known better than blowing him in his car just now. What if he started shooting his mouth off in the office? Or worse, in your personal promised land, THE New York office?

“Seokjin,” you started, “about what happened just now, I’d appreciate it if you keep it to yourself.”

“Of course, I’m not Yuna.”

You tilted your head at the name. Yuna was one of the senior partners’ secretary. “What do you mean?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t know? She’s been telling everyone how good I was in bed.”

“You slept with her?” You couldn’t mask your surprise. “I didn’t hear anything about it. I must’ve been so out of loop with the rumor mills. Wait… Is that why you’ve been asking me to do all that shit? So you don’t have to deal with her?”

“Smart girl.” Seokjin made a turn, stopping just outside your apartment complex. He turned off the engine.

“And here I thought you liked my coffee. And how I photocopied your endless documents.” You said dryly. “Thanks for the ride.”

Seokjin stopped you before you exited his car. “Aren’t you going to invite me to your place?”

You chortled. “Why, you need a goodbye fuck?” You spat it out, but internally, you hoped your playing hard to get was not going to backfire. 

“Hmm,” Seokjin looked out of the car, eyeing your apartment building. “What kind of bedsheets do you have?”

“What do my bedsheets have to do with anything?”

“500 thread count? Or pure linen?” 

You opened the car door and got out. “Bye Seokjin.”

He got out too, walking you to the main entrance. “I’ll buy you some. For next time I’m here. Two months from now.”

You scanned your access card, but he stopped you from opening the door.

“Not gonna kiss me goodnight, sweetheart?”

You turned to him and leaned forward. But instead of kissing him, you stuck your tongue out and licked him, along his jaw, all the way to his ear. You did not miss the shiver that ran through his body when you closed your lips around his earlobe. Smiling smugly,  you opened the door, and as you were about to walk into your safe haven triumphantly, Seokjin slapped your ass. You stilled yourself, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing your reaction. 

“See you in two months, sweetheart.” You heard him chuckle as the door closed behind you.

Kim Seokjin was truly the bane of your existence. 

~~~

He returned to Seoul in two months. You were not keeping track on your calendar, no of course not. You just knew because the commotion was back, as it always was when he stepped into the office. He picked you again to assist his team (Yuna gave you an evil eye for that), and at the end of the work day, when you were filing papers and folders, he slipped a small envelope into your hand. 

“Open it at your desk.” He said in a low whisper. 

You looked at the envelope quizzically before putting it into your pocket. “Is it your credit card? To buy pure linen bed sheets?” You whispered back. 

“Sweetheart, I already bought you a few sets from New York.”

You snorted. Later, when you were back at your desk, you took the envelope out and opened it. You found a note with a gold monogram of Seokjin’s initials at the top. You laughed at the ridiculousness of it. Under his insignia, was a series of digits you assumed to be his mobile number. You saved it in your phone. 

There was something else in the envelope, however. A piece of key card, with the logo of the five-star hotel on one side, and handwritten 4-digit number on the other.  Your eyes widened. Was this an invitation to his hotel room?

You peered out of your cubicle like a meerkat, trying to find where Seokjin was. Then you remembered foolishly you had his number. So you immediately texted him.

– You [18:40] : Seokjin, WTF??? 

– You [18:40] : also, nice stationery

– You [18:40] : it’s me btw

– Seokjin [18:41] : hurry the fuck up. I’ve been waiting for you in my car

You smiled. The time had finally come, you were going to fuck Kim Seokjin.

~~~

You had to admit, high quality bed sheets felt amazing. It hugged your naked body like soft clouds as Seokjin pounded into you relentlessly. His thrusts had caused your body to move, inch by inch, from one end of the bed to the other. You were not complaining though;  the way he rammed himself into you made your breasts bounce back and forth like a pendulum on a string, the feeling was so delicious.

You gripped the edge of the bed as you watched him over you. His usually perfect hair was messy now, his perfect face was void of the usual laser focus expression you normally saw at work and of the arrogant smirk he liked to give you. His broad shoulders and lean torso filled your vision- you had had fun stroking your hands over his pecs, abdomens and biceps. God, you hated how perfectly hot he was. 

You whined pathetically when he plunged his cock and pushed it as deep as he could into you. Seokjin dropped to his elbows, and you welcomed the new weight on top of your body. He stilled, letting his hardness rest inside you. You wrapped your legs around him and could not help but clench around his cock. He groaned against your chest at the sensations. 

“Do that again, sweetheart,” he nibbled and licked your collarbone, “squeeze my cock again.”

You did as he asked, tightening your walls around him before loosening again, repeating the movements and creating your own erotic Kegel exercise around his cock. You could feel Seokjin’s breath faltering on your neck, and before long, you were careening towards your peak.

“Seokjin,” you gasped, “close.”

He remained still, even at your warning. Choosing to work his lips on your neck and up to your ear instead. Finding a spot behind your ear, he licked and nipped at it, sending shudders all over your body and suddenly pushing you to your release. Seokjin held you down as your body shook, willing himself not to come, but the way your pussy walls massaged his cock, it did him in. 

You and Seokjin held each other tight as you both came. Your fingers dug into his shoulders, his hips pressed harder against yours as he shot his seeds inside you. Finally groans and moans gave way to heavy breathing, and as your heart rate slowed down, sanity returned. 

You opened your eyes. “God, don’t do that EVER again.” You slapped his shoulder. “I’m super ticklish there.”

Seokjin hummed, and nipped at the spot again. You yelped, but in the process you also squeezed his flaccid cock, still sheathed fully in you. “Now I know what to do when you talk too much.” He mumbled. 

You tried to wriggle away from his mouth, but the more he teased your spot, the more you moaned, and the more your body became heated again. You were all ready for round two, but your stomach betrayed you, for it growled shamelessly. Seokjin’s eyes widened at the sound, and the two of you burst out laughing.

“OK, I’d better feed you before I fuck you against the window.” He pulled out of you, holding on to the spent condom on his dick. Walking to the bathroom, he gestured to the phone on the bedside table. “Whatever you order, order the same for me.” 

And that was how you spent your first night with Kim Seokjin. Fucked out of your brains and eating room service food in his luxurious hotel room. 

~~~

You gave Seokjin your Saturday nights whenever he was in town, which was only about three to four times a year.. You hated to admit it, but you enjoyed your time with him. It was obvious he liked your company too, and your arrangement worked out well. You both wanted sex with no strings attached. You enjoyed arguing with each other, although it felt like Seokjin lived solely to rile you up to get a reaction out of you. He said he was training you to hold your poker face better; after all, didn’t you want to be a successful attorney like him?

And that was the situation you found yourself in that evening. Seokjin kept prodding at you until your temper snapped, and you roughly pushed him to the chaise in his room. You quickly worked on his jeans and his boxers, pulling them down to his ankles, only to find his cock already hard and weeping with precum.

You cocked an eyebrow at him. “Making me angry turns you on so much, huh?” You wrapped your fingers around his shaft, lazily stroking it a few times before squeezing it gently at the base. Seokjin hissed, but his annoying smirk never went away. 

“You can’t shut up your opponents by going down on every one of them,” he teased, his hand reached out to touch your hair but you swatted it away with your free hand, “no matter how sexy you are when you’re angry.”

You scowled as your hand continued stroking him. Keeping your eyes on his, you closed your lips around the head of his cock, your tongue lapping up his precum. Seokjin sucked in a breath. 

“So what should I do then?” You asked before licking up and down his length. Seokjin threw his head back, enjoying the wetness of your tongue on his hot member. 

“Hmmm… “Seokjin moaned. “Learn to control your temper better, sweetheart. You know how our kind is…”

Seokjin took a deep breath. Your tongue was still busy on his cock. It drove you nuts how addicted you were to the taste of him. “… especially to female attorneys..” Seokjin continued.

“Excuse me?!” you sat up straight, but your hand was still around his member, unconsciously squeezing it a little harder than normal.

“Ouch!” Seokjin yelped. “What are you trying to do? Pull my dick off?”

You sniggered, your grip loosened slightly as you continued to stroke him. “Tell me,” he asked, “how did your last case go? You almost lost because the opposing attorney kept throwing jabs at your gender, am I right?”

Your cheeks reddened. “How did you know about that?” you pouted.

“I get regular updates on you, sweetheart, I like to know how my protege is doing.”

You eyed him skeptically. “Wow, I’m so honored.” Your tone was flat, but your hand started pumping his cock faster. You thought back to the moment you nearly lost your temper in court, and you buried the memory deep. You leaned in and started to take Seokjin’s length into your mouth when it suddenly dawned on you.

“Wait,” Seokjin’s cock popped out of your mouth. “Is that why I didn’t get the promotion? I won that case but I didn’t get my promotion because I was too emotional?”

Seokjin groaned, in desire and in frustration. He looked down at you, kneeled between his legs, eyebrows scrunched up, eyes angry, mouth in a pout, and his hardness in the mercy of your hand. He ran a hair through his hair. 

“Now that you recognise the problem, will you solve it?” 

You nodded.

“So can we please continue?” He asked. 

You nodded again before your mouth returned to his cock. You enveloped your lips around the head, sucking it gently and licking it until you heard him moan. You started taking more of him into your mouth, the muskiness of his scent filling your nose. His hands found your head and held it gently, his fingers carding your hair. 

You continued to lubricate him with your saliva, relaxing your mouth and your throat to take all of him in. You steadied your breathing as you sucked in your cheeks, and you slowly pulled out all the way to the tip, before filling your mouth again. “That’s good sweetheart, you know just how I like it.”

You stupidly beamed at his praise, and it encouraged you to pick up your pace, sucking him faster and harder. His breathing was getting heavier, and you massaged his balls, eager for him to cum in your mouth. “No, no,” he pulled your head, and you came up gasping for breath. “I want to be in you now.”

You and Seokjin undressed immediately, and Seokjin went to the bathroom to retrieve a condom. He rolled the rubber as you positioned yourself by the window. The window felt cold on your back, but your core was wet and hot.  Seokjin lifted you up effortlessly, and your legs immediately wrapped around his waist, and your arms around his neck. 

Seokjin spat into his hand and rubbed his saliva over your cunt. Then the blunt head of his cock was at your entry, and he pushed it in, inch by inch until he was fully inside you. Adjusting his grip, ensuring he got you secured between him and the window, he started to move. Slowly at first, and once your juices were flowing and leaking, he went faster. 

You felt sweat developing on your back, making your body slippery against the glass. You dug your fingers into Seokjin’s shoulders, anchoring yourself up as he continued to pound into you. You turned your head to the side, catching the city skyline in the corner of your eye. 

“God, Seokjin,” you whined wantonly, “When I get that New York position, will you fuck me like this with the New York skyline in the background?”

Seokjin huffed, his hips not missing a beat. “Sweetheart, you’ll never get the New York position.”

You snapped your head back to look at Seokjin, he was still thrusting mercilessly into you. You pulled his hair. “What do you mean I will NEVER get the New York position?”

Seokjin’s smirk was back. He pulled out slowly then he rammed himself back into you hard, making you mewl. “It means…”

He took his time thrusting into you again.

“… you will…”

Another slow and hard thrust.

“… never get…”

He was hitting the sweet spot inside you.

“… the New York position.”

You cried out at his last thrust. “Because I’m too emotional?” you asked breathlessly.

“Because… “ his mouth was inching closer to the sensitive spot on your ear, “we’re closing that office.”

You gasped, at the news and at Seokjin’s sudden change of pace. He was fucking you fast again, pressing your body harder against the window. 

“Wait.. ah, Seokjin… “ you said between pants, “does that mean…”  

You could not finish your question because Seokin began nibbling and sucking your ear, sending your body rigid as the pressure on your cunt was waiting to explode.

“Yeah,” Seokjin panted. “I’ll be back in Seoul for good, sweetheart.”

You threw your head back against the window as Seokjin continued pistoning into you, pushing you towards and over your climax. You wailed in pleasure as the heat enveloped you. He did not let up at the slightest, his hips kept thrusting into you ruthlessly even as you began to sob from the oversensitivity.

Seokjin wrapped his arms around you tightly to move you, and you both collapsed on the bed, his cock still secure in you. He rolled to his back, bringing you on top of him. He slapped your ass. “Can you ride me?”

You pushed yourself up with your arms, your hair curtaining Seokjin’s face. You started to move your hips back and forth as you tried to get your breathing back. The sensitivity in your sex slowly turned into pleasure once again, and you quickened your pace. Seokjin moved his hands to your breasts, squeezing the flesh and flicking the nipples as they swung before him.

“Does… does this mean you’re gonna be my boss?” You asked between moans.

“Do you want me to be your boss?” Seokjin tugged your nipples, causing your back to arch.

“You’ll scold me everyday.”

“And I’ll fuck you every Saturday.” He thrusted up to meet your hips. “You like that?”

“Fuck no…” you felt the heat returning back to your core. “I’ll just hate you even more.”

Seokjin slapped your ass. “Just admit it, sweetheart, I’m your favorite among all your other fuck toys.”

You stammered as Seokjin thrusted up again, and he took the opportunity to pull you down onto his chest. Planting his heels on the bed, he held you down as he started thrusting his hips to plunge his cock into you, fast and hard. You closed your eyes tightly and felt tears slipping down your cheeks as you came closer to your climax.

“Come on sweetheart,” Seokjin whispered in your ears, “give me one more. Milk my cock.”

You cried out as your body jolted and shook. Seokjin kept holding you down, chasing his own release too. His thrusting became more messy, and he finally came too, swearing and groaning loudly.

You stayed still on top of Seokjin, your heart beating out of your chest, and so was his. You both lay on the bed, bodies sticky with sweat, waiting for the haze of your orgasms to pass.

“If you become my boss,” you whispered, “I want no special treatment.”

“Of course not, sweetheart. The only special treatment you get is I feed you after sex.”

You chuckled. “Speaking of…”

Seokjin rolled you over and pulled himself out. “Yeah yeah, order whatever you want.”

~~~

Today

Seokjin walks into your room. You barely glance up, used to him barging in whenever he likes.

“So, Yuna told me there’s a tall drink of water waiting for you in the lobby.” He plopped down on the little settee in your office. “So naturally I went to see. And you’d better get there before Yuna devours him.”

You glance at your watch. It’s ten minutes to 7pm. You smile softly, leave it to your boyfriend to arrive early. “He’s my boyfriend. I told you about him.”

Seokjin ahs. “So, that’s the man who took away my Saturday night fun.”

You glare at him as you tidy up your desk. “Yeah well, he feeds me AND reads me poetry after sex. So, sorry.”

Seokjin stands up as you ready yourself to leave. 

“Besides, now we play Maple Story every Saturday, surely that’s more fun?” You tease him. He chuckles and rubs his chin. He accompanies you walking down the hallway towards the lobby. 

Before you arrive at the glass door separating the inner office from the reception area, you turn to Seokjin and ask, “Do you want to meet him?”

Seokjin thinks for a moment. “Does he know about our history?”

“He knows MY history, but I never share any names with him.” you explain. “He only knows you as my asshole boss.”

“Now I am offended. I thought I was a nice boss!”

“Well, I rant about you too much maybe. But he doesn’t mind, because you know what happens when I get riled up.” You wink. 

Seokjin laughs. “What a lucky bastard. OK, come on, introduce your asshole boss to your boyfriend.”

Published 01022021