#and one side hurts more than the other which is a little concerning but ive decided to not worry abt it

[elftwink]

i got my wisdom teeth removed on saturday and there is so much to complain about. first of all we have a tylenol shortage rn apparently so i was given EIGHT (8) total painkillers of which i have been rationing and am almost out of so i am just taking regular extra strength tylenol which sort of works but not as well

second of all i can't have rice for a WHOLE MONTH. which sucks because prior to this my diet was about 80% sushi so idk how im replacing that. soup broth probably. but it's not the same :(

third of all the little pamphlet they sent me home with contains the VERY concerning sentence "bone spicules may often work out of the surgical site for several months". and like that's fine objectively it's to be expected and will not cause me any harm. but also. hate that!

[0cta9on]

Can you do a fluffy smut fic of IVE's Wonyoung? In the fic, she is madly in love with her older manager whom has been by her side since her trainee days and loved her like his own little sister. Then she heard about his decision to transfer to another agency and began to panic. She begged him not to leave and confessed to him. However, OC rejected her due to the fear of destroying their close bond. WY eventually succeed in reassuring him of her love and both of them ended up making out.(OC is 5-6 years older than WY, hence the brother-sister dynamic relationship)

For the past three years, you served as the manager for the girl group sensation IVE, and you’ve loved every single second of it. The girls are cute and almost immediately started treating you like an older brother, which you gladly accepted. You’ve been a shoulder for them to cry on when things get tough and thanks to the pretty decent Starship Entertainment check, you often bought them little treats to tide them over in between schedules. They were like your little family - six little sisters that you love like they’re your own blood. Unfortunately, you might be saying bye to your little family soon.

Your footsteps echo along the corridor of Starship’s building as you pace nervously back and forth. As your contract with the company runs out, others have been reaching out and offering manager positions to you. Nothing has interested you so far, mainly just offers from small companies looking for an experienced manager to take care of their rookie groups. That is, until this morning, when you received a ludicrous offer from a larger company that would set you up for the rest of your life. You would be a fool not to take it - but that would also mean leaving behind the girls you have cared for all these years. 

A sudden jab to the side of the ribs makes you jump. “Jesus Christ, what th-” You turn around to face the perpetrator, only to see Wonyoung laughing at you.

“You should see your face oppa, that was hilarious!” She exclaims. Normally, you would laugh along and scold her playfully, but the thought of having to break the news about your potential departure fills you with an overwhelming sense of dread.

“What’s wrong, oppa?” Wonyoung asks, noticing your uncharacteristically serious expression.

Out of all the girls, Wonyoung is the one you’ve known the longest. You first met her when she was preparing for Produce 48, and you watched her grow and mature ever since. To outsiders, she is the epitome of success, but you know better than anyone just how much pain she’s experienced to get to this level. With how strong your bond is, you can’t even imagine how much it would crush her to tell her that you’re leaving.

You relinquish a heavy sigh deep within your lungs. “L-look, I-” The words struggle to make themselves known, writhing inside your gut as you stare deep into Wonyoung’s concerned eyes. Without another thought, you pull her into a tight embrace, more for yourself than for her.

“Hey, it’s okay, oppa,” she soothes, rubbing your back. “You can tell me.”

You instinctively tighten your grip on her, afraid that this’ll be the last time you get to hold her like this. “I got an offer this morning… from another company. The salary they’re offering would help me out a lot, so I-”

“You’re leaving?!” Wonyoung pulls away slightly to look you in the eyes. It feels like a knife stabs you in the heart as you stare back at her teary gaze.

“Y-yeah, I am…” You utter regretfully. She fights back a sob as she hits your chest, hurting your soul more than it does your actual body.

“B-but you can’t leave!”

“I’m sorry, Wonyoung, but Starship-”

“Screw Starship! What about IVE? What about me?” Tears begin to flow uncontrollably down her cheeks. All those years of consoling her and being by her side, yet the one time she needs you the most is when you’re about to leave her. Being the cause of her tears hurts you more than you’ll ever know.

“Wonyoung, I-”

“I love you!” She exclaims, glaring through her misty eyes.

“I love you guys too, but-”

“NO!” Her voice echoes loudly through the corridor, pushing you back a few steps. Always the epitome of prim and proper, you have never seen Wonyoung scream like this. A deep, unspoken ache reflects in her eyes as you start putting the pieces together. 

“I-I… I love you… Like, really love you… I want to be with you a-and hold you tightly… I want to kiss you and feel like I’m the only woman for you… I-I just… I love you so, so much… You can’t leave me like this…”

You freeze in disbelief, unsure of what to think or feel about her sudden confession. You always made sure not to develop any feelings for the girls as that could end up badly for the both of you. However, you can’t deny that you’ve been seeing Wonyoung differently as of late. The way she carries herself with such professionalism and confidence, how hard she words behind the scenes for herself and for the rest of IVE, you can truly see just how beautiful of a person she is, both inside and out. Taking this job would be the chance of a lifetime, but a person like Wonyoung only comes around once in a lifetime. You would be a fool to let her go.

You gently cup her cheeks, wiping away her tears with your thumbs. “It’s okay, Wonyoung. I’m not going anywhere.” She breaks down and begins sobbing into your chest. Your mind suddenly feels lighter now that you’ve made up your mind. In fact, you almost feel ridiculous for almost choosing money over the family that you found three years ago.

“You’re really not going to leave?” Wonyoung asks you after calming down a bit. You shake your head, a hopeful smile growing on your face, before she wraps her arms around your head, pressing her lips against yours. Subconsciously, you have been waiting for this kiss for years and you aren’t about to let it go so easily. The scent of her strawberry shampoo combined with her soft, marshmallow lips brings you to a new high you’ve never experienced before.

As you break the kiss, the heartbroken girl is swiftly replaced by the bright and lovely Wonyoung that you’re used to. She giggles as you kiss her cheeks, getting rid of any leftover tears. Suddenly, Wonyoung takes your hand, a mischievous twinge in her eye further emphasized by an alluring bite in her lip.

“Since you’re not leaving anymore, I think we should celebrate. Come with me,” she says before dragging you along the corridor. She peeks through one of the doors before pulling you inside, locking the door behind her. As you look around the small room, you notice a bunch of foam padding lining the walls, along with a piano and a couple chairs.

“This is one of the solo vocal practice rooms,” she explains. “No one outside will be able to hear us, no matter how loud we are.” A lightbulb goes off in your head as you turn to her, both shocked and turned on. Wonyoung’s cheeks turn a light pink as you look her up and down.

“I-I mean, we don’t have to do it if you don’t want-” You stop her, bringing a finger to her lips.

“I want to do it. I want you,” you assure her. She smiles brightly as she pulls you in for another kiss, this one much steamier than the other. Your hands snake around her petite waist, bringing her as close as you physically can. Her gentle breath starts to get heavier, gracing your cheeks, and the warmth in your chest continues to grow until it threatens to burst from your skeleton. You want nothing more than to love this girl as much and as hard as you can, pushing her into the padded wall with the fervor of a new sun on an early morning.

Wonyoung strokes your cock over your jeans, teasing you with her fingertips. You respond in kind by grazing her thigh with your fingernails, causing her body to shiver beneath you. You break the kiss and rest your forehead against hers to catch your breath, the final look before the leap. She gazes at you with fondness and desire, and you feel lucky knowing you’re the only man that will ever receive that look from her. Tentatively, she unzips your pants, audibly gasping as she looks upon your cock for the first time, unintentionally inflating your ego. You watch with bated breath as Wonyoung kneels in front of you, slowly stroking you with her soft hands and placing gentle kisses along your length, staining it with her lip gloss.

“Does that feel good, oppa?” She asks, searching for approval.

“Yes, that feels so good, baby,” you moan, brushing your hands through her silky hair.

“Mmm, I like it when you call me baby. Keep saying it.” Wonyoung flashes you a smile before taking you into her mouth, making you shiver like the first time you step into a cold pool. Her thick, glossy lips eagerly sucking your cock combined with her big, round eyes looking up at you brings you to all new heights of arousal.

“Holy shit baby, you’re amazing,” you compliment. In response, Wonyoung plants her hands on your thighs, attempting to take your entire length down her throat at once, her gags filling the entire room. You almost feel bad for the people walking by who don’t get to hear this beautiful chorus reserved for you.

Eventually, Wonyoung stumbles backwards, choking for air as saliva drips down her chin. She reaches for your hand, and you gladly help her up, anticipating what will happen next. With a wink, she plants her hands against the wall, sticking her ass out towards you. Her warm yet seductive gaze pulls you in, promising a moment you’ll never forget.

“I’ve waited for this moment for so long,” she says, biting her lip. You flip up her skirt, revealing her cute ass for the first time, and peel off her damp panties. The scent of her dripping sex fills your brain, drawing you towards her even more. As you slowly insert yourself into her, you gauge Wonyoung’s reaction, making sure you’re not hurting her.

“Is that okay, baby?” You whisper into her ear. She nods, wincing slightly.

“S-so good, keep going.”

You hold onto her waist for support, eventually bottoming out inside of her. Her warm walls grasp you tightly, still adjusting to your size. After a moment, Wonyoung nods, prompting you to start thrusting into her. Slow yet firm at first, as her moans begin to escalate, you increase the power of your thrusts until it devolves into pure, unbridled pounding.

“A-ah! Yes! F-feels so g-good!” She groans in pleasure. “K-kiss me!”

You do as she says, capturing her lips into a sloppy kiss as you continue fucking her from behind. You exchange breaths, warming up each other’s skin, filling your nostrils with each other’s pheromones. In your mind, nothing else matters except making love to the woman before you. You want to spend the rest of your life loving her in every way you can, and when you’ve done it all, you want to invent new ways of loving just so you can show her how much she means to you. A familiar pressure begins to build up in your stomach as you gaze into Wonyoung’s eyes, half-lidded as she succumbs to your passion. You take her lips a final time before shooting your seed deep into her womb, cementing your bond forever. She follows soon after, nearly collapsing as her orgasm renders her legs into jelly.

“O-oh my god… That was better than I imagined,” she says. The two of you share a gentle laugh, holding onto her with no intention of letting her go ever again.

[chrisevansonly]

𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: charles leclerc x female reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: life is too heavy to carry, thankfully your boyfriend will carry it with you

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: talks of mental health and suicidal thoughts, mentions of depression, heavy topics so please read at your own discretion

𝐚/𝐧: i’ll be honest this is self indulgent and i know i said i wasn’t writing but idk i feel so low and thought writing about how im feeling might help? ive struggled with mental illness my whole life so i find writing it out in a way i can enjoy helps…i hope it helps others that are in need of it too<3

Life is painful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, it’s dark and gloomy, heavy and hard to carry, life is painful. Okay well maybe not for everyone but for you it was, and it was draining, exhausting really trying to survive each day instead of living like everyone else. Truth be told you’d struggled with mental illness for as long as you can remember. In high school the suicidal thoughts came into play and you had fallen into a place no one deserved to fall.

You’d hear people tell you to smile, cheer up, get outside and take in the fresh air, but they don’t understand. They don’t get the internal pain one feels when they deal with depression and anxiety, unless you live it: you don’t get it.

So yes, life was painful but there was an ounce of sunshine in your life and it came in the form of Charles, your boyfriend of exactly three years. The man who broke through the storm to bring you blue skies and calm waters, the man who held you tightly as you cried for a break, aching for a moment of peace within yourself. Charles was a gift, you were sure of it: he was too.

“my love…?”

His voice was soft, delicate as it filtered through the dark bedroom, eyes filled with concern as he looked at you huddled under the blankets, almost willing them to swallow you whole

“hmm?”

It might not have been a word but Charles would take it

“can I get you anything? do you need something?”

The room fell silent again except for the sound of covers shifting, your head peaking over the duvet

“y-you please”

Hearing your voice break was enough for Charles to promptly move from his place in the doorway, lifting up the covers on his side of the bed before settling down and pulling you into his side, letting you virtually melt against him

“okay, okay i’m here, it’s okay amour..”

“it-it hurts”

“i know baby, i know it does…but it will only hurt for a little, i promise you.”

You wanted to believe him, you really did, but how many years would you have to suffer before it truly felt like you would never know how to feel okay.

“it’s hard to be here”

Now this caught Charles attention right away, having known your past with depression and even suicidal thoughts, he felt his blood run cold at the thought of you being anywhere than right here with him

“listen to me baby, i know it hurts, i know it’s hard, but i promise you i will help you find your sunshine, i will help you find your happiness”

He paused shifting to rest a hand on your cheek, his thumb swiping at a stray tear on your cheek

“i love you with everything in me, and i will do whatever i can to help you through this, if you need me to carry more of the weight, let me, if you need a shoulder to lean on more than usual, do it. you are my entire world baby, i won’t ever leave you out in the dark to take this on all on your own..”

Letting out a soft sniffle you looked up at him, always appreciating just how much love he held for you in his eyes alone

“why, i-i’m so sad a-all the time”

“because i love you. it doesn’t matter if your angry, happy, sad it’s part of you, i love all of you no matter what, and i am not going anywhere”

Charles leaned forward, pressing his lips to your forehead letting you have a minute to just digest everything he was saying

“pinky promise?” you asked softly, holding your pinky finger out which brought a soft smile to his face

“pinky promise baby, always.”

Nothing else needed to be said as you curled yourself further into his side, his arms only tightening on you, as if to keep you from slipping away from him. Charles knew words only helped so much, but he was willing to do whatever it took to bring you blue skies back. Even if it took days or weeks, even months, Charles was going to be right beside you, every step of the way.

Life might be painful, but you never had to go through it alone again.

[kedreeva]

Kinda general but it would be cool to see some hurt/comfort with Steve and El?

(My askbox is open for ST prompts!)(Previous Prompts)

-----

Steve hesitated in the doorway of Max's hospital room, one hand on the frame as he took in Lucas sleeping in one of the wooden chairs and El standing solemnly with her back to the door. The boys had said she was trying to reach Max still, and even though Steve didn't expect that would work if Max was... but, he'd been wrong about a lot of things in the past. A lot of things. He just hoped he was wrong about this, too.

"Steve," she said, without turning.

"Hey, El," he answered quietly, blowing out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

He grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser on his way into the room, and caught sight of her holding Max's hand with both of hers as he passed, heading for the other side of the bed. She didn't move them until Steve offered the paper towel, and even then she only let go with one hand. A small smile pressed tight on her lips as she took it, nodding thanks, and wiped at her bloody nose. Steve shot a glance to Lucas, who was out cold, and kept his voice low.

"How you doing, kiddo?"

El's gaze dropped to Max's face. "I have not found her."

Steve made a soft noise. "No, I mean, like... how are you? I know things are... they're not good, but do you... are you holding up okay? Do you need anything? Hopper's- I saw him downstairs, getting coffee. He looks rough. You two need any help?"

El's brow furrowed as she leaned away a little at the onslaught of questions. "We are fine."

Steve nodded, searching her face, and then nodded again, looking away. "Yeah, okay. I just... I feel pretty useless when there's nothing to fight. I just want to help."

"You helped," El said quietly.

"Yeah," Steve agreed with reluctance.

He'd spent more than a few hours over the last few days helping out at her cabin, cleaning and lifting and repairing things. It still didn't feel like enough. Not enough to make up for how Max hasn't opened her eyes, or Eddie in the next room over. It didn't make up for Lucas' black eye or the new fear in Erica's. It didn't make up for the way Dustin looked at him like he could fix it, or the way Nancy looked at him like it was all her fault, or the nights he'd spent up on the phone with Robin because every time she closed her eyes, she opened them again screaming.

El crumpled the bloody paper towel a little more tightly into a ball and lobbed it neatly into the trash bin before wrapping her hand back around Max's.

"I feel... like I should be able to do more," she said, hesitating long enough to shoot him a glance. "The others say I am a superhero."

"That's a lot to put on one person," Steve told her.

She stared down at Max, rigid but not tense in the strange way she had that made her seem not quite human. A little too still. Steve slipped his hand into Max's other one, thumb rubbing softly, steering clear of the IV. He checked the machine she was hooked too - he'd asked a nurse how to read it the first night, so he wouldn't have to draw attention to Eddie or Max more than necessary - and noted there were no changes. Alive, but not.

"It's um... You've already done more than anyone should ever have asked you to do," he said into the quiet. "No one's gonna say it, but it's true. I know it doesn't feel like enough but..." He winced, hitting a little too close to his own wounds. "You've done enough. More than enough. If you need a break, you should take one."

"Recharge my battery," she said.

"Yeah," he agreed slowly. He wondered which of the kids had taught her that. "I uh... I feel the same way, a lot, you know. That... nothing I do is enough."

"You do?" she asked, the concern tinged with some strange kind of hope.

"Yeah, man," he said, picking up his own hope and dusting it off a little so she wouldn't be alone. "And then Robin reminds me I helped save the world a few times, I get a break. Fifteen minutes."

El tipped her head a little at the joke, clearly not getting it, and Steve shook his head with a real smile this time.

"That's how long we get at work," he explained. "The point is, you've saved the world a few times. You should... go home. Spend some time with your dad. Rest. Eat some food. As many eggos as you can fit."

She smiled at that, finally, and something in Steve relaxed. He hadn't gotten as close to El as he had some of the others, and he regretted it a little. She'd been put through hell, and judging by what he'd seen in the last few days alone, her support network was a little bit in shambles. A lot in shambles, really.

Steve opened his mouth to respond, but shut it again when he heard shuffling just outside the door. She turned to see just as Hopper rounded the frame. Steve's belly gave a little lurch; he looked bad still. It would probably be a long recovery. He nodded, and Hopper nodded back before looking to Eleven.

"How is she?"

El shook her head, and Steve fidgeted upright. "Hey, I can- I can keep an eye on her, if you two want to go get some food and take a night. You both look exhausted, and she's been working really hard to try to find Max."

Hopper glanced between the three of them, and then behind him to Lucas, still fast asleep. Hopper raised his chin in question at Lucas, and Steve shook his head.

"His parents will be back for him, or I'll take him home when you get back," he promised. "I'll look out for him, too."

"Right," Hopper said, and then: "Waffles? Extra syrup and whipped cream?"

"Dinner before dessert... always," El said softly, an inside joke.

Hopper grinned. "I have it from a reliable source that waffles are both tonight."

El smiled, so real it left an ache in Steve's gut for her. The kid deserved to smile like that all the time. She slipped her hands from Max's and flicked a glance to Steve. "Thank you."

"Any time," he assured her. "See you soon."

She went to Hopper, who gave Steve one more appraising look as he took her under his thin arm, and then they were gone. Steve blew out a breath, slumping a little. He'd get the hang of those two eventually.

[tsarisfanfiction]

Eclipse: Chapter 4

Fandom: Trials of Apollo Rating: Teen Genre: Family/Adventure Characters: Apollo, Hades, Nico di Angelo, Will Solace I think Apollo's haiku says it all this time; he's not left me much to say about this chapter! Small warning that Friday's chapter will be up late (potentially as late as Saturday) because I've ended up with an rl commitment and I have no idea how late it'll run. <<Chapter 3

APOLLO IV

Comatose, Will rests Nico is angry with me Let the quest begin

Apollo heard Nico before he heard him.  “Let me out!” the son of Hades was demanding loudly, his voice permeating through the ornate door of what was presumably his bedroom – nothing in Hades’ palace was lacking in opulence, understandably considering his domain of riches – and reverberating through the sleek obsidian of the hallway the skeleton was leading Apollo down.  “Where’s Will?  Let me out!”

It was reassuring to see proof that Hades truly could shut Nico away somewhere safe, given the situation (not that it was a fact that was ever in doubt – no demigod could truly match a god’s power).  Ordinarily, Apollo would be rather concerned at shutting demigods away, especially in somewhere as subtly hazardous as the Underworld, but in this case, where it was very much potentially life or death and life was ironically the option associated with the Underworld, it helped him relax a little.

Hopefully, once reunited with Will, Nico would settle down and understand that this was for both of their own safety.  At the very least, he should accept that it was for Will’s safety.  Apollo glanced down at his son again, cradled protectively – and no, he wasn’t even going to try and deny it – in his arms, too deeply under to even begin to stir from outside simulation.  In the washed-out gloom of the Underworld, he looked pale even with Apollo’s own light caressing him.

Nico was not going to be happy.  Apollo didn’t need to be the god of prophecy to know that.

The skeleton came to a stop outside the door in question, tilting its head at Apollo in what was probably supposed to be this is the room, as though Apollo couldn’t tell that for himself.  Nico was doing an admirable job of announcing it.

If Hades had truly trapped Nico in, there was a reasonable chance that Apollo might struggle to get the door open, but surely his uncle had thought of that.  Regardless, the skeleton was making no move to unlock it, and Nico seemed more interested in shouting (and likely shadow-travelling to no apparent avail) than trying to open the door, so Apollo was left with little choice but to readjust Will in his arms so that he had one hand free, and push it at the door.

The shadows melted away the moment he made contact, which meant that either Hades was paying attention, or he hadn’t seriously locked up the door.  Apollo suspected the former.  From the lack of a reaction on the other side of the door – Nico had descended into Italian, a language both gods happened to be fluent in, so if he was trying to hide his vitriolic words with a different language, he was failing miserably – the irate demigod wasn’t aware of his presence.

Deciding that it would not be good if Nico reacted violently when he entered – not that Nico would be able to hurt him, even with a Stygian Iron blade, but Apollo didn’t want Will unintentionally caught up in his boyfriend’s anger – he knocked.

“Nico, it’s Apollo,” he announced.  The shouting immediately stopped.  “Can I come in?”

“Where’s Will?” came the instant reply.

“With me,” Apollo promised, deciding to take that as a shaky permission rather than have the awkward conversation of by the way, your boyfriend’s comatose with a door in the way.  Nico didn’t protest the opening of his door, although there was a distinct aura of concern when his call of Will? went unanswered.

“What did you do?” the son of Hades snarled the moment the door swung open far enough for them to see each other.  “Will!”  Apollo kept a wary eye on where his fist was clenched around the hilt of his sword as he stepped into the room, letting the door fall shut behind him.  Shadows swarmed, Hades locking the demigods (and Apollo, but Apollo was confident he’d be able to get back out again regardless) in, but Nico seemed to have eyes only for his unresponsive boyfriend.  “Will!”

“He won’t wake up,” Apollo admitted, looking around for the bed.  Nico only came up to his waist at his current size, but his thunderous expression wasn’t one to be taken lightly.  Apollo took care to give him a bit of a berth as he located the bed and headed for it.

Setting Will down felt a lot like a degree of finality, like yes, he was really about to do this, yes, he was leaving his son behind in a coma in the Underworld to keep him safe.  Apollo’s hands lingered as his laid his son on silken black sheets, reluctant to fully let go even when Nico made a solid attempt at barging him out of the way to grab Will’s shoulders and jostle them firmly.

Apollo pulled him back, refusing to flinch in the face of the snarl that rounded on him aggressively.  “Don’t,” he cautioned.  “It’s to keep him alive.  The Underworld is not the most ideal place for him to stay, I admit, but it’s the safest.”

Nico’s glower didn’t abate in the slightest, but he perched on the side of the bed and cautiously intertwined his fingers with Will’s limp ones.  “When will he wake up?”

“When I wake him.”  Apollo shrank back to regular human size and picked up Will’s pack, rummaging to see what his well-prepared son had backed.  A lot of medical supplies, unsurprisingly, including what was probably more of the infirmary’s stock of nectar and ambrosia than he was supposed to have liberated for the quest.  Perfect.

“You did this to him?” Nico demanded.

Apollo shrugged guiltily.  “I didn’t trust your father’s idea of keeping him alive,” he admitted.  “It was safer to induce a coma.”

“Coma?”  Nico sounded like a throttled cat, which was a sound Apollo wished he wasn’t acquainted with but sadly had encountered occasionally across the millennia.  “You put Will in a coma?”

“I didn’t want to risk any other gods accessing to his dreams,” Apollo explained.  “Functionally, he’s in a stasis that will reduce the need for nutrition until I wake him, and deep enough within my domain that no others will be able to get to him.”

Nico’s grip on Will’s hand tightened.  “Reduce the need?” he asked suspiciously.

Apollo withdrew a vial of nectar from Will’s pack and dangled it in front of the son of Hades.  “Giving him a sip or two of this every couple of days wouldn’t go amiss,” he admitted.  Nico swiped it from him, and Apollo allowed it.  The demigod glared at it before setting it delicately on the ornately carved – black, because Hades had a colour scheme and was very rigid about sticking to it – bedside table.

“If anything happens to him…” Nico growled, his free hand settling lightly yet possessively on Will’s shoulder.  “You’ll wish you’d stayed mortal.”

Apollo let his eyes settle on his son again.  Will’s bright hair and freckled skin, even slightly washed out as it was, stood out starkly against the prevailing gloominess of the décor.  Nico, unsurprisingly, looked right at home with the aesthetic but Will was the centre of attention, the sun around which everything else orbited.  Right then, Apollo felt like that included him, but couldn’t find any complaint in the thought.  “I agree,” he said softly, resting a hand on Will’s leg lightly.

The touch was enough to have his vitals flooding through Apollo’s awareness again.  They were unchanged, slowed enough for the stasis to take hold and preserve his health but not so slow Will’s body was in danger of shutting down entirely.  Realistically, there was no reason why that should change, but Apollo couldn’t argue with Nico’s concerns.

“Why now?” Nico asked after a few moments of silence.  His hand had strayed from Will’s shoulder to his throat, clearly taking a measure of his pulse just as Apollo had been, and the tips of his fingers were fidgeting with the shorter blond strands at the base of Will’s skull.  “You’ve known about the quest for weeks.  Why did you wait until the last second to stop us?”

Apollo sighed.  “Securing your father’s assistance took… time,” he said slowly.  “He was in agreement that you should not enter the Pit, but when it came to finding a safe place for Will to shelter… he took time to come around to the idea.”  He didn’t think it worth detailing how Hades had been more inclined to forcibly evict him from the palace than even listen long enough for Apollo to pitch his admittedly rather desperate solutions to the problem.  It certainly wasn’t worth mentioning that Apollo’s own plan had still involved Nico venturing into Tartarus; none of the foresight in the cosmos could have prepared him for Hades deciding to join him in taking his son’s place on the quest.

It wasn’t that he thought Nico would overly object if it had ended up that way, at least, not on his side of things.  Leaving Will, alone, in the Underworld, however…  Apollo had expected some resistance to that declaration and was relieved beyond words that that would not be coming to pass.

He wasn’t so sure what, exactly, he thought about going on a quest with his uncle, however.  Gods didn’t help each other – even he and Artemis kept the mutual assistance to a minimum, and they had a partially free-pass due to being twins.  Alliances, Apollo knew – finicky things that ran the risk of disintegrating from the moment they were formed – but to go on a quest with another god…

Apollo was more than a little wary about how, exactly that was going to work.

“He’s stubborn,” Nico agreed.  “I had to pester him for days before he caved and joined in at Manhattan.”  Apollo was so relieved he’d managed to change his father’s mind at that time; no doubt Hades’ presence amongst the mortals, directly opposing the Crooked One, had saved several demigod lives – some of his own children’s included.  “Where is he, anyway?  I’m surprised he’s letting you wander around unsupervised.”

Apollo chuckled.  “I don’t think he’s happy about not having an eye on me,” he agreed.  “I was escorted here by a skeleton while your father finishes getting his affairs in order.”

Nico made a considering noise that sounded a lot like he knew more about how the Underworld was run than demigods were supposed to.  Then again, he was Hades’ only living child and had managed to wrestle the title of Ghost King, so Nico di Angelo didn’t really classify as a regular demigod by this point, anyway.  If that didn’t get Will special disposition when he inevitably ended up in Hades’ domain for good – as much as Apollo didn’t like thinking about that – Apollo was going to lodge a formal complaint, and possibly irritate Hades until he caved.

If it worked for his son, it ought to work for his nephew, too – right?

“What about your ‘affairs’?” Nico asked.  “Who’s taking over the sun chariot?  Don’t say Thalia.”

The unexpected rib – was that an in-joke because it felt like one – had Apollo letting out another huff of laughter.  “No, not Thalia,” he promised.  “But it’s under control.”  Some of the other sun deities owed him favours for covering their shifts; he’d just called those in.

(Not that it really mattered, when the sun was an inevitability that managed to keep driving across the sky even when the chariot’s driver was incapacitated, but Apollo preferred to cash in favours rather than dwell on the implications behind that.)

“At the moment, I’m still driving,” he continued.  “My father won’t be pleased when he finds out what I’m planning, so I’ll stay behind the wheel until the last moment.”

Nico’s face lost some of its pallor.  “Right,” he said, a little hollowly.  “That’s why Will and I have to stay down here, isn’t it?  In case he throws some lightning around.”  The way he said it told Apollo that he had more than a passing familiarity with a certain god’s temper.  Apollo hadn’t paid too much attention to the di Angelos back during their first attempt at life, but he’d been aware of their existence (it was always a good idea to try and keep up with kids of the big three, because they had a habit of dramatically affecting things – the war the di Angelos had lived through being a prime example).  No doubt, his father had been, too.

The di Angelos had disappeared into thin air one day, the mother dead and the children gone.  The only reason Apollo hadn’t presumed them dead until their sudden reappearance a few years ago, no older than the last time he’d glanced down at them, was because both had flickered occasionally into his visions after their disappearance.  It had not surprised him in the slightest to learn that his father had been directly responsible for Hades squirrelling them away for almost a century.

“Something like that,” he said with a forced levity that had Nico renewing his vigorous glower.  Apollo wilted.  “Yes,” he admitted.  “So, please, stay here.  Your father and I will sort things out when we get back.”

If there was one definite positive about Hades’ decision to enter Tartarus in place of his son that Apollo could see, it was that his uncle was also technically breaking the Ancient Law regarding mortal interference and would therefore have a personal interest in finding a loophole, too – if he hadn’t already.  Apollo sincerely hoped he had.

Nico still didn’t seem to be appeased, but his shoulders slumped in what Apollo hoped was understanding (and resignation).  “So I’m stuck with my comatose boyfriend and skeletons for the foreseeable future?” he asked, although it sounded more like a tired observation than an actual question.  “I guess that’s a step up from living in the Labyrinth with skeletons and a crazy old ghost.”  Apollo winced; that wasn’t a story he was completely knowledgeable on, either, but even the sound of it was dreadful.

The words I’m sorry danced on the back of his tongue, but he swallowed them back down; there was nothing else he could have done in the situation.  Nothing else he’d be able to live with himself over, at least.  Letting Will go to his almost-certain death in Tartarus could never have been the answer.

He ­was sorry, but any apology made would sound hollow, and Apollo wouldn’t disrespect Nico like that.

Nico’s fingers had left the nape of Will’s neck and returned to his carotid pulse, he noticed.  He couldn’t really blame him for wanting to keep a close eye on his condition; despite being the one to induce the coma in the first place and knowing that nothing would change until he made it, he was still monitoring his son’s vitals through the touch on his leg, after all.  Nico’s fretting was entirely understandable, and Apollo wished he could ease it, but couldn’t see how.

“He’ll be fine when he wakes up?” the son of Hades asked after a moment, looking down at Will in what was almost entirely unguarded concern.  Apollo felt somewhat honoured he’d been allowed to see it.  “This won’t weaken him?”  There was a plea in there, as well as a hint of his earlier threat.

It was tempting to lie, but that wouldn’t help any of them.  “There might be some residual lethargy,” he admitted, “but with the nectar as well as the stasis, there should be no muscular atrophy.”  Nico scrutinised him, eyes narrowed as though trying to detect a lie, before he turned his attention back to Will with a sigh.

“I suppose I can accept him being a bit sleepy,” he allowed.  “As long as that’s it.”  There was a sharp clip to the last word that reminded Apollo that Nico was still not particularly impressed with his last-minute problem-solving attempt, even if he had mostly moved on to regarding Will with soft, gentle eyes overflowing with emotion.  Apollo was extremely gratified on Will’s behalf that he’d managed to snag a boyfriend who looked at him like that, even if it brought back memories of certain eyes that used to look at him like that.

“That’ll be it,” he assured him, letting his thumb rub over the fabric of Will’s pants.  His son had, at least, traded his preferred shorts for something offering a little more protection, even if it was ultimately unnecessary.

Really, Will didn’t need to be wearing quest clothes entirely now, did he?  He’d be much better served in a cosy set of pyjamas; even if he was too deeply under to register it now, when he woke up he’d be far more comfortable if he hadn’t been laying in questing clothes for however long Apollo would be gone.  Recalling the sleepwear he’d seen Will wearing while staying in the cabin with him, Apollo snapped his fingers.

A shower of light cascaded over his son, causing Nico to jump and glare at him in suspicion.  “What are you…”  He trailed off as the light faded away to reveal Will dressed in a soft tank top and sleep shorts.  Will’s questing clothes appeared in a neatly folded pile on a dresser that Apollo suspected Nico had never used.  “Oh.”  Apollo saw him poke at the fabric tentatively at Will’s shoulder, as though he wasn’t sure it was real.  From the look on his face, he was quickly convinced.

Will looked better this way, Apollo thought.  It wasn’t even because of the sun motif on the top – slightly off-centre and exactly the same detailing as his son’s tattoo – or the subtle swirl of musical notation winding around the hem of the shorts.  It was the fact that he looked comfortable, as though he truly was just sleeping (on his boyfriend’s bed, no less!), and not in a deep coma.

From the way Nico was looking at Will, Apollo wasn’t the only one to think he looked far better like this, as though he’d fallen asleep naturally and not because it was the only way to keep him alive for any serious length of time in the Underworld.

He didn’t know how long they’d be gone.  The fall alone – well, Hesiod’s supposition about nine days wasn’t exactly verifiable, but Apollo remembered the long, long, long fall to Tartarus with far too much clarity.

Then again, it had only been a few weeks of conscious memory ago.

Oh, Olympus, he was really going back there again, wasn’t he?  On the bright side, he forced himself to think, at least Python wouldn’t be there this time.  The horrid serpentine creature was firmly dissolved into Chaos and would not be making an encore performance.  Of course, that said nothing for the multitude of other beings trapped in Tartarus who would no doubt love to have another chance at taking down a god or two – or were eager for vengeance after being cast down by certain gods in the first place.

Apollo shuddered and firmly put it out of his mind to deal with later.  With any luck, it’d be a quick in-and-out job, with Bob genuinely being in need of retrieval and absolutely nothing trying to stop them.

Well, he could dream, right?

It wasn’t like he could break down in front of Nico, and he certainly couldn’t show weakness in front of Hades.

As though summoned, the Lord of the Underworld materialised directly in the room, taking in the sight of Will delicately placed on his son’s bed while Nico perched next to him almost protectively, turning his glower on his own father (Apollo was quite glad to see it wasn’t solely reserved for him, even if Hades didn’t seem at all bothered by his son’s judgement) before the black fire of his eyes focused on Apollo.  Instinctively, he straightened his back.

Hades had changed into his own armour, Stygian Iron covering robes woven from the souls of the damned.  Apollo had never been so glad to see the Helm of Darkness before, nor Hades’ recent armoury addition of a wicked-looking Stygian Iron sword, which sat at his hip.

“Time to leave,” he announced, and with some hesitation, Apollo drew himself up, his hand reluctantly leaving his son’s leg.  “Nico, do not try to leave this room.  Your food will be delivered here.”

Nico huffed but said nothing.  He’d turned his head away from Will, to face his father, but his eyes kept flicking back to the bed.

There was no delaying it further.  Apollo strode across the room, refusing to allow himself a backwards glance, until he reached the door.  Hades brushed past him, pushing it open.

“Be careful,” Nico mumbled suddenly, just before the door swung shut.  Both gods paused and looked back at him.  His face was pale, and his grip on Will’s hand white-knuckled.  “Both of you.”

The sentiment should be laughable – two gods, being told to be careful.  It was a hilarious prospect, should be a hilarious prospect, and yet neither Apollo nor Hades laughed.  They didn’t even scoff disparagingly.

Hades let the door slam shut behind them without a word.  Apollo didn’t dare turn back and make eye contact with the demigod before it closed and shadows swarmed to cover it, securing it tightly shut and ensuring the two demigods were as protected as it was possible to be.  It offered some comfort, to know that Will and Nico, at least, were safe.

Even if it meant he and Hades had to brave Tartarus once more.

“It’s time,” his uncle said, and Apollo followed him out of the palace.

Chapter 5>>

[entering--hyperspace]

Dragons, and the influence the Faerûn Pantheon has (or rather, does NOT have) over them. And how it relates to my tav

I've been thinking about how much the gods of dnd actually play a role within bg3, and kinda how having a True Dragon (albeit at first unknowingly) influences the story just a bit because of what he is.

To get started, Dragons have their Own Pantheon, assuming we are not ruling out pre-5e lore entirely. Bahamut and Tiamat are the most well known of course, they are also included in the Faerûn pantheon, so I won't be talking about them too much.

What I'm mostly concerned with are the two defying aspects (Life, Death, and fate) seeing as Withers is very obviously Jergal, and how The Dead Three (along with Vlaakith and Mystra) are all within bg3 in some way.

The Most Influential Dragon god is Asgorath/Io, the originator. He is briefly mentioned by Lae'zel within bg3 in a throwaway line. Known as the Ninefold Drgaon, Asgorath influences the fates of all dragons

There is also Chronepsis, Dragon god of Fate, Death and Judgement. A multi aspected god who may also be known as Null.

Now, to have a Dragon be put into the center of conflict of a story is rare indeed, which is why I like Págos so much. Dragons are often treated as mounts, villains, bosses, or otherwise just out of reach wells of knowledge one party may encounter only to move on with their lives.

It's special in the sense of bg3 because you are dealing with a Lot of Faerŭn gods, but in my canon bc Págos is a dragon none of these gods have Any actual influence over him? Dragons are outside of their jurisdiction unless specifically asked for their help by them. They have no hand to mold their clay, that is for their own gods. This is what makes Págos such an anomaly, because that is essentially what he is in bg3's story...An Anomaly.

Págos is from the ancient past frozen in time and wound up in the present. His fate is guarded by his own gods, leaving the faerûn pantheon to simply watch what is essentially a wild card wander into what could be a world-ending conflict. Withers mentions this, for being a god watching over fate and death, he had no insight into Págos which made dealing with him unsettling at the very least. In my head Elminster also mentions this to Gale as a forewarning about Págos from Mystra, Vlaakith knows this and becomes even angrier not just because of Lae'zel going against her, but because lae'zel is traveling with a companion that makes the entire situation much more dangerous for her, Same with Shar. It is why raphael tried so desperately to get págos into a contract with him. The stakes are higher with a glitch in the system, outside of their control and outside of their influence. Not to say they couldn't hurt him of course, they could they're gods, but its with the knowledge it isn't as simple as smiting someone when a greater power has placed them there, when doing so creates a plethora of problems than it would if págos was simply another mortal. I just think its all very funny. Its also my reasoning why they dont just directly influence him or the game outside of whatever reasoning is already provided.

And also, as a little side note about how ive been having so much fun with him as a character...its kinda like i said before. Dragons in dnd are incredibly powerful, knowledgeable, otherwordly PEOPLE. They are PEOPLE, they are highly intelligent (moreso than the mortal races) and can outlast civilizations...but they are never treated as such, a product of being a game npc. Dragons are regulated to side characterss, npcs, animals, threats, mounts, but never really delving deep into their own personhood. Never the heroes of a story...until now! Thats why I like Págos so much! Because I get to play with How a dragon actually interprets life and emotion differently. I get to delve deeper into lore like this, I get to play with a dragon interacting with others not as this outside influence but as a friend, as their ally. Especially with him being a chromatic dragon its doubly important since chromatics are often just considered evil and are more likely to be treated as animals despite the fact they are just as capable as their metallic counterparts. Anyway I just think its fun! Thanks for coming to my Tav ted talk.

[honeybcj]

heyo! while i was never an anon i did immensely enjoy all your replies to them (and the anons as well ofc)

but im sorry that u had shitty ppl in ur inboxes (from what ive understood in ur reasoning for why ur turning off anons), it frustrates me to no end how dehumanizing the online experience can be, and the awful ways ppl think they can act when theyre “anonymous” (bc tumblr obviously knows- side thought id love if future jobs would be able to pull up d-threat msgs and stuff bc while nsfw stuff isnt anything companies should be concerned abt, i think life threats and otherwise should be! end thought)

i hope that ur inboxes clear up of that negativity (if that’s what it was, or rly whatever it was that caused this action, i hope they leave u alone), and that u can take some time for urself to just remind ur self that UR AMAZING!

ppl fucking suck sometimes. but know that you are an INCREDIBLE writer (genuinely captivated anytime i scroll by ur posts- i have to stop and read), and LOVELY from the sounds of everything!!

as well, if it were bc of like grossly inappropriate stuff that would be socially frowned upon, then ppl need to have a mandatory class in fucking elementary school abt boundaries and the extent to which certain thoughts are to be shared to the masses.

anyways, i send love, hugs, and positivity your way<3

it’s evening where i am so im sending off with a goodnight, or good afternoon, or good morning depending on when u get this!

i hope the fun anons who inspire ur microfic moments send u more ideas:)

hi lovie <3 you have no idea how much this means to me. (i did see your other ask before responding to this one, but i still wanted to be able to thank you and give a little extra clarity on the situation). yes, the other day i did receive an anonymous ask telling me to kill myself for supporting trans people and giving characters trans hcs.

i know i don’t have to explain myself to a single person, but i do want to say that i have worked immensely hard to get to the point where i am mentally and i’ve overcome multiple obstacles in my life that deteriorated my mental health. to have a message like that come through, it really hurt me. i didn’t want to allow myself to slide back into old habits, so i simply turned my anons off for the time being. i’m hoping this will come to a close soon, but i wanted to be upfront and honest about what has been going on.

i appreciate your support and kindness more than anything. it means the absolute world to me to know that there are people that are genuinely kind souls with the best intentions. i’ve been immensely fortunate for the interactions i’ve had on here, and i hate that one comment has ruined to fun and joy for some people, myself included.

one day, i do hope to turn anons back on, but for now, they remain off. giving you a big ole kiss for being such a sweetheart. again, i appreciate you so very much. thank you kindly for you generous words and sweet soul. i hope that you have a great rest of your day/evening. you deserve it <3

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

um um!! purrhaps 3 (the jumping in front of the other one? ya that) or the "oh my god, where have you been?! i was so worried about you! are you okay? did you get hurt?!" one w dimes nd eel pretty please :00 idm which prompt u use ^^ ill send an ask for one w eel nd shoe once ive finished cooking if u want more :P - jack

ok hi jackie thank you bub

sorry this is late lol got busy<3

im gonna do the second one but not the way i think it would normally be done lmao :)

prompt: "where have you been? i was so worried! are you hurt?"

it was ten o'clock. it was ten o'clock, and eel had said he would be back at the lodge no later than eight-thirty. and dimes was getting worried.

shoe had gone with him, wherever they went, and had said something about going to see the leader of the bronx, which, given how late he said they would be back, checked out, because the bronx was all the way on the other side of the river, and then all the way through lower manhattan, so dimes knew it would take a long time to get there and back, but still.

it was near two hours after eel had said they would be back, and dimes was trying to reason with himself. maybe they just lost track of time. no, eel had his pocket watch, and when he wasn't fiddling with the chain, he was checking it religiously, as being late made him nervous. and shoe may not have been the best at remembering names and faces, but he had memorized the entire street system of the entire city for fun one particularly bad winter, so there was no way they could've gotten lost, between his knowledge and eel's street smarts.

dimes slid silently off eel's bed where he had been waiting, and padded silently downstairs to the room where the lodging house keeper slept, and creeped into the doorway.

"miss eden?" he whispered nervously. she awoke imediately, turning to see what the small teen wanted. "si, mio nipote?" she rasped, her voice heavy with sleep.

dimes gulped. "do- do you- does youse know when eel'n shoe says they would be back?"

the woman's long brown hair, silvering at the roots, fell gracefully over her shoulder as she sat up more. "are they not back yet? ezechiele said he would be home at eight." she yawned aggressively. dimes' brow furrowed, but he started backing out of the room. "s'ok, miss eden, i'se sure they's 'll be back soon." eden just rolled over and fluffed her pillows as she sighed.

dimes chewed his nails as he padded out into the common room and stood there. he couldn't wake anyone else up; squirt was a little, he wouldn't be of any help, mouse might be able to, but he never slept enough so his few hours were precious. moon was off in harlem; he was staying with his sweetheart, she had invited him over for dinner the day before, and he had said it was probable he wouldn't be back that same day. bubbles would just laugh at him for worrying, then promptly get worried himself, breaking down his "emotionally-unavailable-bad-boy image" (his words) and showing his genuine concern.

so dimes was alone on this.

just as his eyes started to burn and his throat started to close up in panic, the kitchen door creaked open.

he raced into the room and stopped short at the sight of eel leaning heavily on shoe, the latter practically holding his entire weight as moonlight spilled in from the open door behind them. eel was clutching his side, just below his ribs as the two stumbled into the kitchen. dimes stood there gaping at them, before he sprinted at them and caught shoe in an awkward hug.

he pulled back and promptly slapped the taller boy. "where were you? it's been two hours since ya said youse would be home!" dimes stuck an angry finger in shoe's chest as the teen reeled from the slap. "i'se was so fuckin' worried about ya-" he stopped as eel let out a indignant huff.

"don't-" he coughed weakly. "don't swear, kiddo." dimes laughed incredulously. "yeah? well don't do stupid shit an get youself hurt again-which i still need to know what happened-and i won't call you every name in the book, you son of-"

zeke's head drooped and his eyelids fluttered. shoe quickly moved past an indignant dimes to put eel on a couch, before unbuttoning the latter's shirt and vest to look at the wound.

eel panicked, shoving shoe's hands away and curling up as best as he could. "no...please! please, i ain't...no..." his words were starting to slur, bloodloss and delirium setting in as he backed away from his lover, eyes wide but unseeing. shoe stopped moving immediately, dropping his hands to his side and lowering his voice. "hey now baby, i'se just tryna see how bad it is. i swear on my life i ain't gonna do nothin." he murmured, making eye contact with the shaking teen.

eel blinked at him, eyes glossy, before he nodded slowly and carefully unclenched his limbs to allow the other to look at the wound on his side. he flinched, hard, as the taller boy's hand touched his side, and shoe winced right along with him, putting a reassuring hand on his stomach gently as he peeled the fabric away from the source of the blood.

the noise eel hid in his throat was so full of pain, dimes backed away, shutting his eyes as he put his hands over his ears and sat on the floor.

"good news, you only got grazed. bad news, youse lost a lotta blood." dimes scrambled to his feet and rushed over, eyes wide as he peeked around shoe to look. the sheer amount of blood made him nauseous, but years of living in rough neighborhoods taught him that it wasn't as bad as it looked.

shoe put his hand firmly over the wound-which dimes had figured out was a gunshot wound, he would definitely be asking about that later-and turned to the hovering boy. "bring me some water an a rag, yeah? oh, and grab some'a the bandages eel keeps in the cabinet in the bathroom."

"youse wasn't s'posed to know bout those, tesoro." zeke grunted, teeth clenched. "yeah well, you should've hidden em better, and not gotten shot!" shoe snapped as he brushed his partner's hair out of his eyes, no real heat behind the words.

dimes rolled his eyes at their antics. like an old married couple, he thought fondly as he raced upstairs to get what shoe had asked.

after eel was patched up and given a damp cloth to rest over his eyes (shoe said he cracked his head against a wall, this would help with the headache) dimes was curled up in an armchair across from the resting teen, watching shoe out of the corner of his eye as he puttered around the rooms. shoe finally came to rest in the other chair next to dimes, flopping down with a worried sigh as he glanced over at his lover.

dimes sat watching shoe watching eel, wondering what he was thinking.

dimes had never really understood why people kissed, or got together. he didn't know why people said they fell in love. what did love even feel like? he wasn't quite sure, he had never felt that for someone before.

but looking at shoe, seeing the expression on his face as he took care of his partner, dimes was pretty sure that that's what love was. taking care of someone, respecting their boundries and helping them get through life. togetherness.

near as dimes could guess, that's what love was.

and his heart felt full at the thought of someone making his...eel was practically like his dad at this point. his older brother so happy, and seeing the looks they gave eachother may have made him want to barf, but the sweetness of those glances when they thought the other wasn't looking wasn't lost on him.

no, he may never feel love like they did. and he was ok with that. but he was so glad that his two favourite people got to experience that joy with eachother.

unedited n all that, really hopes ya like this jackie!! <3

dunno it automatically tags you when i answer so @newsiesfixation

[concealeddarkness13]

OC Kiss Week: Prompt 5 Yearning

Content warning for kissing and very strong suggestive themes. Clothes stay on, but it’s a fade to black kind of thing. This one is from Chess’s perspective, and it includes @drabbleitout’s character named Ives! From an AU we’ve been working on, and the latest scene is here, since I have links to the other scenes on that post! Tagging: @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, and @drabbleitout (thank you so much for letting me use Ives!)! 

I curled up on the couch and stared at the tv, not really comprehending the show that was on. Or maybe it was the weather. I didn’t even know or really care.

Ives had had an emergency call for breaching, and he had asked me to stay behind, just in case it was too dangerous. So I was just in his apartment. Alone. Glued to my phone, waiting to hear from him.

What if he got hurt? What if he needed me? I couldn’t protect him from here!

The door to the apartment opened, and I jumped up, ready to punch whoever was coming in, but a black blur leaped at me, and I fell back on the couch as Niner covered me in kisses, whining.

Niner…it was Niner! Then that meant— “Niner, please don’t smother her.”

Niner moved back, and I sat up quickly, staring. Ives was ok. He looked a little tired, but he didn’t even look dented or hurt. It had been hours! I jumped up and ran at him, hugging him tightly as I started to cry into his vest.

“I…I was so scared! I heard nothing from you! You didn’t even message me to let me know you were coming home!”

He froze and looked down at me, hugging me back after a bit. “Home?” His voice scrubbed, and I looked up at him, trying to wipe at my eyes. “You called this place home.” He blinked and frowned a little, his eyes going distant. “I did message you. But I see it didn’t go through. My signal is gone. I’ll have to report for that to get fixed tomorrow.”

I frowned. “You should get that fixed tonight. Did you get hurt?” And I shrugged. “Yeah. Of course I did. This is home, Love.”

I felt the familiar hum of his machinery accelerate as he stared at me. “Home,” he said again in wonder. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek, pulling me closer. “I don’t think I will, little one. Because then I would get distracting messages during my alone time with you.” He allowed his hands to wander lower than was proper, but when was I ever concerned with what was proper?

I blushed and squeaked though, which just made me blush worse. “But…I don’t want you to be hurt.”

He leaned down and kissed my neck, scraping teeth over my skin, and I couldn’t help but lean my head to the side to give him more room. “I’m not hurt at all. Actually, this might be a blessing.” His voice had gone down to a low rumble, and I shuddered. “Have you had dinner yet, little one?”

My cheeks burned, and I shook my head. “But I’m sure you could fill me up.”

He leaned back and smirked, dragging his hands down my thighs so he could pick me up, and I squeaked again. I was eye level with him, and I stared into his bright blue eyes as I messed with his hair, letting that damn perfection finally become messy. He leaned forward and stopped right before he could kiss me, mouthing at my lips. “We can have a full course, if you’d like.” He carried me into the kitchen and actually fucking set me down on the counter as he worked on heating up some pizza for me. The bastard. I couldn’t believe I had been yearning to see him so much.

He cut one of the pieces and put the crust in his mouth and leaned closer to me. “Would you like a bite, little one?”

I snorted and leaned close and took the bite, but instead of just allowing our lips to brush, I chewed quickly, swallowed, kissed him like I meant it, and stole his crust too. He laughed and picked me up again, also somehow flawlessly balancing the plate of pizza and walked into the bedroom.

He sat me down on the bed and kissed my cheek as he pushed the plate of pizza into my hands. “Please eat first. I don’t want to make you nauseous.”

I smirked back at him. “But if I eat, won’t I have to wait an hour? Isn’t that the rule?”

He looked over at me with a smirk as he started working on taking off all his work clothes. “If you’re so worried, you can just relax and enjoy it once you’re done. I haven’t had my dinner yet anyway.”

My cheeks burned worse as I stuffed some more pizza in my mouth. “I might have to, since you’re so mean to me. Teasing me and not even making sure I knew you were okay.”

He nodded, taking off his shirt, and I still stared even though I had seen his chest and abs so many times. “You’re right. I’ve been terrible to you. So, let me make it up to you.”

My cheeks were somehow burning even worse, and I quickly finished my pizza as he got out of all his clothes except his boxers. He took the plate from me and set it on the nightstand, and then he proceeded to pin me as he worked on my clothes. “Let me pamper you tonight, little one. I’ve had enough of fighting and pain. Let’s have something soft and sweet.”

[octolingkiera]

5, 15, 16, 29

hi!! thanks for your ask!! :3

(the list)

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

so on the one hand, my danny phantom fics always get a lot of attention and it always leaves me a little surprised, but on the other hand, that fandom is very fic focused, so at the same time it Doesn't really surprise me when i get a lot of kudos for them. what surprises me more is how much other fandoms DON'T comment or bookmark or follow fics lol. i was seriously spoiled with those lol

as for a fic that's gotten more feedback, uhhhh hm. a couple of my dp fics have done better than i thought they would, yeah, but i also have this bleach fic that's in second person that seems to have come across really well, so i guess that one's the most surprising lol

aftershocks has done really well, but that's not surprising considering the talent that went into it, the fact we updated every week, and the word count, but it still baffled me as we were updating it how well it was doing lol

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

definitely my rottmnt separated au (chapter 1 is posted on ao3 as sunset hues, jetpack blues (SHJB)) lol. ive been putting a lot of effort into it, more than i give most of my fics, tho i'm realizing now as i'm working more on planning i may have jumped the gun a bit and posted it a biiit early?? but also i wanted to post it on my birthday so i'm not so concerned about that kdshbfhdsf

when i post chapter 2 (which is basically done except for the final revision i need to give it), i'm gonna reread chapter 1 as well and make sure it's up to date with the minor stuff i left out bc i hadn't nailed down some specifics yet (but dw, it'll be Very minor and won't effect the plot lol)

besides that, i have oneshot prompts i wanna fill out and i have a fic in the works i'm calling Fallout, which is inspired by fall out boy songs (which ive been thinking about since like february/march when "love from the other side" dropped lol)

i also lowkey wanna try to get a fic done for danny phantom's 20th anniversary in april but idk how that's gonna go lol. i'm still very focused on ninja turtles

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

of my 54 works on ao3 Fluff seems to be my most used tag with 10 times, which is. lowkey a surprise LOL. Hurt/Comfort comes in second with 7 (tied with "not beta read" and a tag for a danny phantom fic event) and Angst is in third with 6 (barring the two that i'm not counting lol)

going by just my rise fics, first place tag goes to Donatello and Leonardo are Twins (TMNT) with 6 of my 8 fics (ao3 says 9, but one of them is aftershocks, which i won't include bc it's a collab) and only reason it's not all 8 is bc i didn't tag it in fics where it's not a main focus lol

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

hmmmm let's see.... okay what have i written this year....

oh god that's a lot more than i thought, uhhhh

i have a lot of stuff i Really enjoyed tbh. there's a fun little action sequence i wrote for a later part of SHJB that i liked (that i'll prolly have to rework a little), there's a few Other parts of my prewritten SHJB stuff i enjoy, there's a bunch of stuff in my rise august fills i really liked...

but i think for a single line/passage, i'll go with this bit from the beginning of my fic what's in a name? (which is also posted here on tumblr!!)

Donnie, not bothering to look up from his phone, flaps a hand in the air dismissively. “I keep all my anger bottled up in here,” he taps his chest, “and hope one day it will just kill me. Like a normal person,” he adds, as if what he just described is unequivocally a universal experience.

this entire piece was a lot of fun to write and there's some more silly lines in this i really enjoyed but i think this is the one i think about the most, like the exchange directly after this lol

Leo purses his lips and steeples his hands, holding this fingers to his mouth. “So that’s a yes to the mad, then.” “Or it could be, like, the coo-coo for cocoa puffs type of mad!” Mikey chimes in, crossing his eyes and swirling a finger beside his ear. “Y’know, like British people say.” “Ew,” Leo says, because that’s all that needs to be said about that.

and this line a little bit down from that

Raph’s next exhale is heavy, the burden of Atlas in his eternal torment. “Pizza Supreme, I wish.”

thanks again for your ask!!! these were a lot of fun to answer. i love talking about my writing dfjghbdfg get me started and i'll never shut up lol

[muu-kun]

Physical Health Masterpost (1/?): Kallmann Syndrome

Disclaimer: Should there be any questions or concerns regarding the information and research detailed below, please do not be afraid to reach out to me. I would genuinely be very apologetic should any of this turn out to be any level of hurtful, or incorrect.

i. What is Kallmann Syndrome?

To put it simply, it is a condition characterized by a puberty that is either delayed or absent entirely, as well as a sense or smell that is also impaired or nonexistent.

More specifically than that, it is a genetic form of hypogonadotropic hypogonadism (which by definition is a condition of itself in which an individual's reproductive organs produce little to no sex hormones due to problems within either pituitary gland, or the hypothalamus). In the case of Muu, and of Kallmann Syndrome as a whole, the hindrance pertains to his hypothalamus and not any other part of his brain.

Due to the atypical nature of development pertaining to secondary sex characteristics, or really lack thereof in some cases, this syndrome is in fact an intersex condition. Not all those with it may consider themselves such; however, in Muu's case, he would rather get over the barrier holding him back from labeling himself as such immediately upon being diagnosed with it than wrestle with it indefinitely. Especially when it comes to placing doubt into others with the same diagnosis as himself by putting questions into their heads that their identity shouldn't truly count per the hesitancy of one ignorant young adult.

ii. What are some symptoms of Kallmann Syndrome?

Disclaimer: Now, I'm not going to list them all. Instead, I will be providing information for those that specifically relate to Muu personally. Especially due to the fact so many are irrelevant to his variation of the condition as is, so listing such would offer no beneficial insight at this time.

Small penile size. More notable when flaccid; however, even still, erect leaves much to be desired. At peak arousal, he measures at 3.75 inches. His length when otherwise impartial is 1.87 inches.

Hyposmia. An impaired / limited / weakened sense of smell. Also not anything to stir up any concerns as Muu didn't really think much of it even in adulthood as being anything more than just another quirk of his. Evidently, he was also wrong.

Delayed puberty / development associated. Just look at him across the years. I really can't provide anymore information than visual aids with this one. He's just a little guy.

iii. Causes of Kallmann Syndrome:

It is a genetic condition caused by mutations within numerous genes. The number in which of those associated with the condition continue to grow. What varies within those genes is the inheritance pattern associated. For some, both parents need to be carriers. For others, only one. In Muu's case, it is his ANOS1 gene that was impacted due to inheritance on his mother's side. Only AFAB children of his would have a chance of acquiring it from him, yet thankfully in those cases they were would merely be carriers.

iv. More in depth guide to the ANOS1 gene:

This gene is also associated with conditions such as autism, intellectual disabilities, and epilepsy. Muu is impacted by all three.

No, this does not inherently mean that everyone with Kallmann Syndrome with a mutation of the same gene will also have all of these conditions. It simply is to say that for Muu, he ended up being predisposed to a whammy of experiences due to enough inconsistencies within his genome at the same spot. It also to be said that conditions referring to hypogonadotropic hypogonadism have a heightened chance of overlapping into neurodivergence with those most researched being Autism, ADHD, and Intellectual Disabilities.

It is also worth noting that in most cases, Kallmann Syndrome marked by a mutation of the ANOS1 gene is passed down by the mother via the x chromosome; however, in Muu's case, his was purely an otherwise random misstep during prenatal development. There is no one on either side with the condition, including his brother. He also is not going to pass it onto his own children unless he procreate with a spouse with Kallmann Syndrome herself. This is of course incredibly unlikely due to fertility issues, which too will be spoken about in greater detail at a later time.

v. Treatments available for Kallmann Syndrome:

Luckily for Muu, fertility and development are easily within his grasp. All that is required of him is to begin raising his levels of testosterone medicinally and to someday introduce additional medicine responsible for assisting in raising his sperm count.

If he did end up going that route, he'd do so by taking his testosterone via shots. Other forms seem less invasive and more manageable; however, the concern of essentially passing on testosterone to other people by contact with a patch or gel, possibly hindering them in the process, brings him too much worry to even properly consider them as worthwhile options.

For now, though, he has no intentions for taking such medication at this time. He quite enjoys his physical youthfulness and the androgyne that goes along with it. To NOT go the route of hormones very well can stir up body dysmorphia and even dysphoria in that of the individual with this particular syndrome. Muu, on the other hand, worries that putting himself through such intervention would significantly upset him. Thus setting him back in the progress in healing he's made thus far.

MAYBE down the line he will revisit it, but for now he's quite content in his body no matter the deficiencies. Enough of him appears pubescent in the ways he would want anyways that he doesn't feel any obligation to go through any unnecessary changes regardless of it would benefit him socially.

[beantothemax]

The summer days grew longer and hotter. Keeping his coat on in twenty five degree weather was a crime, so Osvald left it in his room. It was the first day since leaving prison that he would not be wearing it. He'd grown to love it more than any other clothing item he ever had. It fit him perfectly, was warm and admittedly even looked good. He looked presentable wearing it.

"No sweater?" Elena asked as he descended the stairs.

"It's getting too hot for that," Osvald replied.

They were never the type to say good morning. To them, it was a strange and unnecessary greeting. Osvald poured two bowls of oatmeal, cutting up bananas for Elena's, smiling as he saw how invested she was in her book.

"Isn't it your fourth time reading that one? Shouldn't you find other books?" he asked.

"First off, it's my fifth time reading it. And no, reading it a fifth time is fine," she replied.

"If you insist," Osvald said.

Judging her for something so harmless would be hypocritical. In prison, he often found himself rereading the same three books over and over again. They were familiar and kind.

He passed her a bowl with oatmeal, bananas, raisins and yoghurt, just how she liked it.

"Thanks..." she stopped as she accepted the bowl, "woah where'd you get those scars?"

Osvald looked down, trying to figure out which ones she was talking about. There were far too many to keep track of.

"These ones," she pointed at his arm.

He looked down at the rows of horizontal lines on his left arm.

"Was it a monster with lots of claws?" she asked.

A monster maybe, but not quite claws.

Each one was a punishment for some kind of mistake while in prison. When he accidentally hurt someone, almost let his plans slip, or even just dropped what little food he was given.

Well, not all of them were punishments. Some existed only to make the pain of losing Rita and Elena bearable. Emotional pain was a stormy ocean, and he had only a rowboat and a single oar to traverse it.

But physical? He was practically an expert. It silenced the thoughts in his head. Gave him something else to focus on, some kind of problem that had an easy solution, rather than none at all.

Osvald's eyes wetted with tears as he recalled how they'd been made. All his crude, poorly sharpened tools.

"It's..." he paused, "it's a very scary story. I'll tell you when you're older."

His voice was weak and small as he spoke. He didn't want to admit to his daughter that he'd done such a thing to himself. He never should've worn a short sleeved shirt at all. His scars seemed to sting the longer he thought of them.

"Oh, ok then. I bet that stupid monster is sorry it ever even looked in your direction!" Elena laughed.

"Yeah, maybe," he sniffled.

She knew so little about all his problems. She didn't know her being alive practically defeated the monster, or that her smile kept it at bay.

Elena finally noticed he was crying. A concerned look painted her face as she rushed to his side.

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?" she frowned.

"Heaven's no, of course not. It's just a sad story," Osvald chuckled.

He took her into his arms, and held her tight. Some other time, he'd have to find another excuse why he couldn't tell her where the scars were from.

WAS THIS YOUR PLAN PIE. YOU GET ME ATTACHED TO OSVALD WITH YOUR FACTUALLY CORRECT OPINIONS ABOUT HIM AND YOUR FLUFFY FICS WITH HIM AND ELENA ONLY TO STOMP OUT WHAT REMAINS OF MY SOUL SHORTLY AFTER WITH THE MOST HEART-RENDING ANGST IVE READ IN MY LIFE. WAS IT

[ginnsbaker]

OH MY GODDDDDD

Ive been so sick the past few days stuck in bed and just generally dying so imagine my excitement when i saw a new chapter (in my fever ive been very delusional and remembering the date has been the least of my concerns 💀)

BUT THEN IMAGINE MY HORROR WHEN THE SUMMARY HAD THE DREADED A WORD

ANGST 😭

no but in all seriousness the chapter was perfect first thing i wanna say mama reader is awesome her advice is so good and i love her i want one but her advice is gonna bite readers ass so hard cos like she said you’ve made your choice and im getting the impression reader’s decision is give it a chance but with Danny opening his big mouth its gonna make leigh unhappy so basically roles reversed 💀(i know ive been wanting him to and i’ll come back to this)

I liked the interaction with jules and leigh they’re not always on the same side but they’re still siblings who obviously care a lot for each other so it was cute especially jules remembering leighs comfort snack - i wonder if later for whatever reason leigh is sad or something and reader brings it to her and it just gets to her a bit that reader took the timt to learn the little things about her 🤔

I thought that reader knew leigh worked at the advice column cos originally i was like how are you this mad you knew she worked there and your submissions are very specific so it was obvious and easy to figure out so why you so mad but im guessing i just misunderstood (which in my current state seems about right) i do like how reader called leigh out on her hot and cold tho and while i do understand her reasons and okay maybe it tugged on my heartstrings just a little bit she did need to hear it not to hurt or upset her but so she can grow from it

HOWEVER can the two of you just call it even you both kept something from the other so call it a tie and start fresh cos you both want each other so kiss and make up cos when danny starts running his mouth i know miss shaw is gonna be mad a small deluded part of me is like maybe she will see the fact that it wasn’t readers thing to tell cos danny should’ve come clean about it but in those moments anger comes much quicker than any rational thought and especially after reader got mad at her for her secret if i was leigh i would get mad too (slight double standards) EVEN THO I WOULD NEVER BE IN THIS SITUATION COS I WOULDVE TOLD DANNY TO FUCK HIMSELF WHEN HE ASKED READER TO KEEP QUIET and i know i said i want danny to come clean but i didn’t mean like this 😭 not when reader was about to make things better (im assuming thats the decision they came to) its literally gonna be reader being all happy and excited and leigh pissed complete role reversal of the fight they just had and im scared

Also i was so worried danny was gonna hit her i was reader to beat his ass

I love your brain for coming up with this stuff but it hurts hopefully not forever tho (i swear im gonna need to reread your other more fluffy stuff to cope)

-🧃

Hello!!!

Actually, on that bit about Leigh working at the website part-time... Reader didn't know about that, just that Leigh used to work at the Beautiful Beast and then quit recently for another job.

Yeah, at first R was upset because Leigh pretended not to know about her feelings for her, but then that fact highlighted Leigh's treatment of her looking back. So she's more pissed about that, the inconsistencies, the hot and cold treatment.. but at the same time, she also remembers now what she went through herself losing her dad and brother. So R's mom encouraged R to extend her patience and understanding.

Yeah, Danny used the secret for his own benefit--again. I mean, he needs to do a lot of growing up, I guess. Or, I don't know. People do stupid stuff when they're heartbroken.

The second season of Sorry for Your loss kinda ended their relationship when Danny punched a wall :) So I kinda borrowed that scene :)

Whew! That was long, and I'm not complaining :D I love discussing the story with you as always :P Thanks for reading my dear!

[cophene]

part iii || ◂ ⁺ ★ STARS HAVE GONE DARK.

previous chapter || next chapter || table of contents

pairing : vento aureo x gn reader summary : with virtually nothing left in their credit account, a gang of space thieves turn to the richest man in the galaxy to give them  a job worth millions. too bad those never come easy, even with stand abilities and pretty-faced crew notes : sci-fi au, multi-chapter fic, sfw, doesn’t follow canon plot word count : 1k+

★˚⋆  SHEILA TOOK A WHILE TO answer her comm, which was unlike her. Zero tapped impatient fingers on his desk. Why was it that the waiting always caused him trouble? Passione had less than two weeks left to get the Stand Arrow to him. He hoped they remembered that.

Little else besides Passione had occupied his thoughts in the past few weeks. He itched to know what they were doing at all times. Every minute they wasted scraped against him, made him more impatient. Zero had done the next best thing but all he wanted to do was seize the Passione crew himself and move them like ragdolls. Who knew the number of mistakes they were making? The resources they were swirling away? Already he was starting to grow sloppy in his collecting and selling work. People were starting to comment that he wasn’t like himself. Zero was aware of that. It was likely he would never be himself again once all of this was over.

After two more rings, Sheila finally answered. She looked haggard and her eyes were overly bright, but it had never been Zero’s job to be concerned about such things. As long as she was alive and her resolve was intact, little else mattered.

“What’s going on?” he asked curtly. “You missed your last check-in.”

“Passione was arrested,” Sheila said. Her tongue stumbled over the words. “They got caught right after meeting with Polpo at Penitentiary IV. It was dark for a while until they escaped. They managed to regroup with the main ship and are figuring out their next moves.”

“They’re taking longer than I’d like,” Zero said. He took a long drink from the tall blue glass beside him. “I want you to send them a reminder. Make sure they’re not just fooling around.” Not that Zero wasn’t confident in Kiss in Blue Heaven’s abilities. But some poking and prodding never hurt.

“Something seemed off, the last time I saw them,” Sheila said. “It’s the captain. They’re not acting like themself. It’s putting the other crew members on edge.”

“They’re only acting like that because they’re attempting to defy Blue Heaven’s resolve.”

“Whatever it is, the other crew members are getting suspicious.”

Zero scowled. “I couldn’t care less about the crew. It’s not like all of them need to hand me the Stand Arrow.”

Sheila ducked her head. “Yes. Of course, Zero.”

Zero sighed, taking in a breath to calm himself. “You’ll have to make sure they’re not arrested again. As I told you before, Prince Donatello is working with Inspector Abbacchio to apprehend Passione. And Donatello won’t be open to releasing them at all if they’re under his detainment.”

In the last few days, it had become increasingly difficult to convince Dontello to wait. He was like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth to get at Passione. Zero had almost gotten a heart attack after hearing that Passione was in one of the Penitentiaries. It was lucky they had managed to escape before Donatello arrived to make their stay permanent. Zero counted himself lucky that he had never found himself on Donatello’s bad side. Zero only wanted to kill Passione to keep them silent. Meanwhile, Donatello wanted Passione’s death to be long and drawn out.

“In any case, I believe it’s only a matter of time until you receive the Stand Arrow, Zero,” Sheila said. “Polpo provided Passione with the coordinates to Polnareff’s location and they’ll be headed there shortly.”

“You’ll relay those coordinates when you have them?”

“Of course, sir.”

Zero refused to let himself get excited. There were still too many things that could go wrong. He could only afford to let himself relax when the Stand Arrow was in his hands and Passione was dealt with.

Absently, Zero brought up the coordinates of Sheila’s pod onto his screen and swiped it up to look at the hologram. She was trailing a good distance away from Passione’s ship, far enough to remain undetected but still close enough to survey them. They were further out than Zero had expected. He pinched on the hologram to get it to zoom out, bringing in the neighbouring colonies and space bodies into view. In fact, they were very close to—

“Sheila,” Zero hissed, sitting bolt upright in his seat. “What are you doing in the Black Zone?”

Sheila’s eyes widened. “The what?”

Zero flicked the hologram, his heart beginning to pound. No. He was right. He found Sheila’s pod and Passione’s ship, two blinking dots on the edge of a gaping black cloud. They were on the fringes of the Black Zone. It was so unbelievably brainless that Zero felt a laugh bubble behind his lips. There was nothing around the Black Zone for lightyears and they were on the flacking fringes.

“Get out of there now.” Zero said. “You should know better.”

“I was following them the whole time!” Sheila’s voice wobbled. “I don’t know how this could have happened!”

Zero focused on Passione’s ship. Surely they would have caught on by now. That engineer or pilot of theirs were imbeciles to go on this long without turning around. And yet they showed no sign that anything was amiss, continuing straight forward in their course.

“They’re going to get themselves killed,” Zero seethed. This shouldn’t have been possible. Kiss in Blue Heaven had altered their resolves too thoroughly to allow it. “Sheila, patch me in to the Passione’s comms. Then get out of there immediately.”

Sheila began typing on her console so hard Zero heard it through the call. Although his tongue prickled to snap at her, he kept his calm. What was wrong with her? To follow so blindly into the Black Zone, unaware until Zero had practically screamed at her. She was smarter than that. So much smarter. 

She wasn’t herself. Just like the captain wasn’t.

Just like Zero wasn’t.

“I patched you in, Zero,” Sheila said.

“Get out of there. Now. I’ll send you reconnaissance coordinates when I have them.”

Zero’s call with Sheila ended. He started another one with Passione.

previous chapter || next chapter || table of contents

[nighterclown]

Write out the flustoration write it out write it out

So I have a bit of a problem if you could call it that its like--it is a problem but I just ughhh

So the thing is I have my two really cool really fun friends that I love and cherish more than anything and anyone, honestly I would kill for these two but aside from that, I have some mildly concerning abandonment issues, that also goes with posessiveness over people that are important to me and a fairly annoying infiriority complex. From these thing I can most of the time look aside from and just have this small sting in my chest but not think about it and it goes away,, but thist time--- OHH this time it hits like a train,,

Thing is that I have this roommate/classmate for over 2 years now and, we are not compatible as roommates who see eachother 24 7 so we had our fair share of fights which resulted in shouting and swearing and hurting eachother,,, and in the past shoolyear Ive had it pretty rough and (even tho we talked about it and realised it was just kind of a misunderstanding) she hurt me a lot and made me close up around her. Im not mad at her im simply scared and unable to act my normal self around her cuz even tho she really wasnt she still was my abuser and made my condition last year a lot worse

So yes this person has always been really friendly and apealing and extroverted to most of our piers and that is fine we have our seperate friendgroups which gives me ease, I mean gave me ease until not so long ago she decided to talk to my friends more and more often, until its kind of bacame a thing that she hanging out with my two friends (spesificly one of them) outside of school which makes me feel really fucking shit my blood boila every time I see them hang out or talk with eachother and my heart leaps with the fear of feeling alone and abandoned. It makes me wanna cry, it makes me question my friends' intentions and feelings toward me, I fear my status in the our small closed trio dropping, I know im really annoying, whiny, not as smart as the others, not as funny and not as pretty as my roommate, and I just think these ppl can find anyone better than me

So I explained to this to one of my two friends (bc of course I have to go out of my way and whine about annoying shit, expose myself as someone who questios thier loyalty for me and once again cry and whine about it like a pathetic little spoiled brat) and of course she tried to reassure me that its okay its nothing like that and even tho they dont know what our other friend is thinking, but probably also that, that yes she is fun to be around and all but they wouldnt like to get to know them more personal, since shes not the kind of person they would befriend, which means a lot to one side of me, but the majority in my mind still rejects all that my friend said, I always felt infirior to all of my friends and my roommates in 84% of the things making me unable to cope with this.

Not to mention I also feel also about telling this to one of my friends (and fear telling it to the other) since I its non of my fucking business who are they talking to and befriending with, and its very wrong of me to have so much hate and fear inside of me for this but i just cant get myself together, and I dont know what will I do

Ill probably end up explaining this to my other friend too since its going to be just the three of us this thuesday afternoon and weekend, cuz maybe if I heard my other friend tell me the same (I dont know what to expect from him, this is something I dont think he can fully understand bc of his low empathy and avoidently attached mindset)

So yeah I wish this woudl all go away and leave me be since its also making my amgerissues resufice and I wont see my psichologist for a fucking month now and summer is fasr aproaching and I dont wanna throw up bc of all the feelings when one of them Will tell me that they met up with my roommate over the summerbreak

so yeah

Good to have a rant page with noone in here

[bestbidani]

Not having a great time.

I need to vent but I don't want to bum my friends and family out. So... I'm posting here where people have the option to not read this post.

Trigger warning: pet illness, talk of possible death

.

Our cat, Roland, isn't doing well. He has feline herpes, the symptoms of which are like that of a cold, or allergies: runny nose, yellow mucus, sneezing, eye discharge. It's not uncommon for him to have flare ups occasionally, and the symptoms last for a few days. In addition to being a little tired, he eats a little less because the sinus drainage makes his tummy hurt.

Last Thursday, he showed symptoms of a herpes flare up. Mostly normal.

Friday, he hid under the bed all day and wasn't very interested in food. I brought him some wet food, he ate some of it. I left it out for him, he ate some later.

He spent all Saturday under the bed. Stopped grooming himself. I had to drag him out from under the bed to get him to eat. Showed very little interest in food. Ate a few bites.

Slept all Sunday in his cat bed at the foot of our bed. Ate even less than he did Saturday. I can tell he's losing weight.

Slept all Monday. Refused food no matter what I did. I'm starting to panic.

Tuesday, I check on him via security camera and notice his legs are kinda stiff when he walks, and he's kind of hunched over when he sits. I pick up some prescription cat food from the vet. I'm able to get him to eat a few spoonfuls. I feel relieved.

I'm working from home Wednesday, so I feed him his high calorie prescription food throughout the day. He eats 3/4 of the can over the day. He spends most of the day in his cat bed. I only see him get up to go to the litter box. He's wobbly and very stiff while walking. Loses is balance and falls over at one point. I think it's odd, but maybe he's still kind of weak and tired from not eating much lately. I figured since he ate a decent amount of food this day, he would start improving.

This past Thursday he eats a decent amount of breakfast. I check on him via camera. He gets out of his bed once to go to the litter box. I notice he doesn't get his entire body in it, and ends up peeing outside the box. I'm concerned, but rationalized it thinking "he's still getting his strength back and maybe didn't realize he didn't get his butt in the box." I'm out late, and my husband feeds him as soon as he gets home. I get home around 9 and check on him. Husband and I both notice he's awake and laying in his cat bed, but his breathing is rapid and shallow. He struggles to stand up, and lets out a meow that sounds distressed. He takes a few unsteady steps towards the litterbox before he abruptly lays down and sighs. He struggles to stand back up before tipping over and peeing on himself.

So now we're panicking and rush him to the emergency vet. They give him oxygen for the distressed breathing. They run a blood panel and take an x-ray. Other than a mild fever, they don't find anything out of the ordinary. Organs are fine. Nothing abnormal on the x-ray. No fluids, no masses.

They give us a saline bag, IV drip, needles, meds to stimulate appetite, and meds to break the fever. We take him home, give him fluids, wait an hour and give him his meds as per the vet's instructions. He cries when we pick him up and move him, but we figure that he just doesn't feel well and is stressed. We feed him then go to sleep.

This morning I worked from home so I could monitor and feed him. He was more enthusiastic about food than he had been previously. While it's not his usual meows, he's more vocal than usual. I hoped it was a sign that his energy was returning.

I went into the office for the afternoon when my husband worked from home. I don't get any updates from him, but he told me that Roland ate around 2:00.

I've been checking on him regularly since I got home. And I think he's getting worse.

He's not sleeping as much, but he's laying on his side, restlessly moving his feet around. He just occasionally cries. But he especially cries if he's sitting or trying to stand up. He's falling over more when he walks. He cries when we touch him. His breathing is distressed and shallow. He seems to be in pain, but I don't know why or what to do.

I'm scared he has FIP. It's rare but fatal. His symptoms seem to match those listed on the wiki page.

I'm feel helpless watching him suffer. I watch his little chest rise and fall with each breath, wondering if I'm watching his final ones. Every time I leave the room and come back, I'm terrified I'll find him not breathing.

I'm making myself sick with worry. I can't stop crying and having panic attacks. I've cried so hard I've gagged. I'm nauseous. I'm shaking. I hurt so much.

My husband is breaking down. If we're like this now... How are we going to survive if Roland doesn't make it?

I'm not religious, but I'm praying and begging God not to take my little baby from me. He's 8 years old; he's supposed to have many more years left. He has to.

Please. I love him so much. Please don't take him.