#and only hoping to enjoy whatever life she has left hanging out with her friends and travelling with nakami and having herself immortalized

[paeonie-s]

insomniacs after school makes me physically ill oh my god

[ticklishfiend]

A Toy Smile (ATLA)

(lee!zuko , ler!sokka and ler!aang)

A/N : AAAHHH!!!! fixating hard y’all. it's impossible for me to be normal about anything ever. this one's got more story than the last one but i hope u enjoy anyway lolll

Summary : a day off at the abandoned vacation home and zuko has a lot to think about. though, it’s kinda hard to think about your place in the world when your friends are being annoying (and u still love them for that)

Word Count : 5106

hope u enjoy!!

-

Being back at his family’s old beach house was remarkably strange. Zuko kept getting flashes of bittersweet nostalgia, images of his mother building castles out of sand with him, just for Azula to knock them all down. Running through the halls in shrieks of laughter, getting chased by the tickle monster (his mother always had the perfect balance between her calm and nurturing nature, and her more silly and playful side. Feeling okay with play was something that ended almost immediately after she left his life), always before being interrupted by a stark glare from his father.

Zuko’s father was usually absent in these beach house memories, but that’s because even when he was there during their vacations (which honestly wasn’t often, he was usually off tending to the business of being an up-and-coming Firelord), he always stood with a glare that Zuko could still see in his head clear as day. Looking back on it, he was glad that Ozai was usually preoccupied during those old vacations so he at least has a few good memories left of this place.

Zuko pondered on it alone in the house.

The rest of the group were off at the beach, doing their own things. If he had to guess, Toph was probably practicing her sandbending right now. Maybe she’s teaching Aang, or maybe Aang was practicing some moves Zuko taught him earlier in the week. Zuko felt weirdly proud at the idea. He imagined Katara was probably soaking in the ocean, bending and feeling one with the water. And Sokka…Agni knows what Sokka’s up to right now. Maybe he’s fishing. 

All he knows is that they’re probably keeping themselves preoccupied right now, taking the day off to do whatever they pleased. The group needed to keep their minds sharp, but not overworked. 

Zuko could sort of relate to that, trying to keep occupied. It was at a much lower scale, sure, but when he wasn’t training Aang, he took to wandering the grounds of this place that felt distantly familiar to him. 

Zuko still feels a little uncomfortable with the thought of hanging near everyone during an off day like this. He knows they don’t hate him anymore, but guilt and shame have become chronic pains he hasn’t learned to aid yet. He’s happy to help them, but hanging out on a casual level is something he’s still getting used to.

As he walked through the abandoned home, he couldn’t help but gaze at old photos, taking some out of the frame to burn in his hand. For some reason, watching the memory physically char and fall to ashes from his fire felt like a medicinal release in his system. He sat on beds that had been dressed by old maids years ago, untouched for so long and yet the sheets still had a smell that burned into his sinuses like a forgotten memory. 

It was so quiet in the house. Every footstep seemed to echo. It was dark, too. Each flame he set gave light to the entire room and the hall with it. It felt right that this place had been abandoned for so long. Justified. It deserved to lay dormant with the rest of any happy memories his childhood had to offer. That part of his life was laid to rest some time ago, but revisiting it lit something in him he hadn’t expected.

When he suggested they settle here for a while, Zuko hadn’t thought too hard on what it would be like to revisit this place. It was obvious this house, these grounds, the beach itself, would bring back memories he used to try hard not to think about. That was only logical.

What Zuko hadn’t anticipated was the way it would make him feel about the new people he’s surrounded himself with. The last time he was on a beach with people he thought were his friend group, it was a disaster. Fights and arguments, insecurities thrown around like weapons of war. That used to be normal to him. That was just what a vacation was.

But everyone here was having a good time. Yes, stress was definitely high and in the air, everyone was still keeping their guard up for what they knew was to come after they left. But that didn’t mean good times came to an end altogether. Zuko saw how they still played and teased each other, telling stories at dinner and laughing when they trained. Stress was high, but spirits might’ve been even higher.

Walking through this empty house, he realized that’s what this place was actually for. It wasn’t just a house you stayed in away from your home. It was a place built for bringing people closer together.

And here he was standing in it, alone in the dark.

Zuko sighed, dragging a hand down his face. He knew he should probably go out there. They trusted him now, what was he waiting on? He’s allowed…fun. That sounds so gross. But it also sounds like something Uncle would be telling him right now. If Zuko was any good at impressions, he’d give himself a famous Iroh Special about the balance of work and life, the importance of close friends in times like these. But Zuko sorta sucks at impressions, so he’ll just have to imagine how good some advice like that would sound and suck it up.

He should probably go join them on the beach now. Ugh. 

As Zuko walked out of the dimly lit house, the sun felt really good on his skin, warm and filling for his soul. He took a deep breath, in and out, as he made his way toward the beach. The sounds of splashing water and shrieking laughter filled his ears as he got closer, his bare feet now warming in the sand.

“Zuko’s back,” he heard Toph announce from her self-made throne of sand, a little umbrella over the top for shade and flavor. 

Zuko made his way next to Toph, watching the other three play in the ocean. Sokka had Aang in some kind of hold with his arms behind his back, while Katara stood in front, doing something with the water that seemed to have Aang in stitches. Zuko was utterly confused.

“What are they doing?” he puzzled, sitting down criss-crossed next to Toph.

“Why, do you want in?” Toph teased with a grin, making Zuko blush and nearly start defending himself (for what, he wasn’t sure) before she interrupted his clear stammering, “Katara figured out how to tickle with her water. She can be a little ruthless sometimes, and I really like that side of her.”

Zuko just nodded, really not sure what to say right now. He felt so awkward, maybe this was a bad idea after all. He’d be better off alone back in the house, it was probably good for him to think about his past the way he was before. Maybe he should just turn back, Toph will notice but none of the others have even acknowledged he came back yet so it’s not like–

“Hey!” Sokka called out, “My arms are getting tired! One of you come hold him for me!”

“Nohoho! Just lemme gohoho!” Aang cackled, kicking the water but not doing anything to actually stop them. 

Zuko sighed, regretting saying anything before the words even left his mouth. “Aang, just bend the water!” he yelled their way, “Did you forget you’re the Avatar?!”

Aang just kept laughing for a moment like he hadn’t heard a thing, and Zuko nearly smiled at the boy’s blatant silliness. But in a blink, Katara was suddenly lifted and thrown about ten feet away by a small but powerful wave, Sokka getting launched not long after in the opposite direction. 

Aang shot a thumbs up Zuko’s way, so Zuko gave him a quick nod back. Real smooth. 

“Wooo, that’s right Twinkle Toes! Show ‘em who’s boss!” Toph cheered like she was watching a wrestling match, throwing an excited punch to Zuko’s shoulder. He winced and shot a hand up to comfort the ache, but otherwise said nothing about it.

He watched as Aang launched a tickle attack of his own against the siblings, Katara squealing and using her own water to try and counter or block any of the water she could. Sokka threw his head back in loud laughter, having no way to defend himself and pretty much succumbing to his fate, screaming with his head above water.

Zuko felt weird just spectating like this, so he started fidgeting with the sand in front of him. He thought for a moment on building a castle like he had with his mother so many years ago, but that was so far from who he was now that he chose to keep it to himself. That can just stay a happy memory for the time being.

He looked up to Toph, who seemed content on bending miscellaneous sand shapes in her hand while she listened to them play.

“Why aren’t you out there with them?” he couldn’t help but ask. Zuko didn’t feel as weird around Toph as he did the others. He still felt awkward at times, but not weird. She was the first person here to really trust him, vouch for him even. She was strong and resilient and damn was she stubborn. Zuko really liked that about her, and even though she loved to tease, he felt comfortable having a conversation with her. That was just who she was.

“Eh, water’s not really my thing. I can’t see jack when I’m in the water. Well, I kind of can, if my feet are still touching the ground. But it’s sorta foggy that way and it freaks me out. I like knowing where I am, and in there I just feel all over the place,” she cringed, forming a little sand sea lion in her palm. “Why aren’t you in there with them? Is it a firebender thing to hate the water?”

Of course she’d turn the question onto him, why didn’t he think of that? Ugh, this was not something he felt like getting into right now. “Yeah, sure. Something like that.”

“You are such a bad liar,” she chuckled, chucking her sea lion at his head playfully. He grunted at the impact and dusted the sand from his hair while she grabbed another chunk to fidget with. “I don’t even need my feet to figure that out.”

Zuko sighed, bringing his knees to his chest to lay his arms down and make a makeshift headrest. “I don’t know how to just…play, like that. That’s not natural for me, it would just be weird. It’s better if I just stay up here,” he said, suddenly feeling very weirdly insecure and unsure of his words, “If, like, y’know–if that’s okay with you.”

She laughed openly at his hesitance. “Sparky, it would mean the world. I like your company! You’re funny to talk to,” she said, and her choice of words made him squint.

“‘Funny to talk to?’” Zuko questioned.

“Yeah, you’re always so uptight. And awkward. It’s really funny,” she chuckled, making him deflate a little. He knew she probably meant the best by it, but her bluntness will always take a little blow to his already fragile ego.

“Is that really the only reason you talk to me?” Zuko huffed, not even looking for an answer if not to just air out his insecurities a little. 

“No, you dingbat. You’re really different from the others, it’s a nice change of pace. You’re stiff, and your heart rate might be faster than anyone I've ever met which can get pretty annoying. But you’re very real, and I like that in a person. If you have something you need to say, then you say it,” she paused. “Well, most of the time.”

Zuko sat in that for a moment. He’s pretty sure she was…complimenting him? Maybe? It’s hard to tell with Toph, it’s rare she ever gets sweet with her words. But he’s pretty sure that whatever she meant by that, it was supposed to be a good thing. So he’ll take it.

“Thanks…I think.”

“I know it’s hard but…they can be fun if you try,” she shrugged, forming a little sand-Zuko in her palm and handing it to him. He took it gently, worried it would crumble in his hand. But it didn’t. It stayed sturdy and solid, like a real doll. Zuko turned it in his hand, getting a good look at his mini-me.

“How do you…”

“Know what you look like?” she finished for him. “The others described you to me a while back. It’s probably not perfect, but–”

“No, no. It’s…” Zuko stared at the thing in his hand. It was small, pretty much the size of his palm. His scar was there, but that’s not what he was looking at. Zuko couldn’t stop looking at the smile on its face. On his face. How natural and meant to be there it looked. “It’s really good. You captured my essence,” he remarked playfully, sliding the doll into his pocket. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, Sparky,” she smiled. “Seriously. Don’t.” Zuko couldn’t help but chuckle at that, looking up to see Sokka dragging himself out of the water towards them.

“Teaching Aang waterbending was a mistake,” Sokka groaned, leaving puddles of water in his wake as he plopped in the sand next to Zuko. Zuko flinched, some water from Sokka’s clothes splashing on him when he sat down with so much force.

“Watch it, you’re getting water all over me,” Zuko complained, wiping droplets from his face with the back of his hand.

“Oh I’m sorry, were you the one that just got nearly tickled to death by the ocean?! No, I didn’t think so!” Sokka exclaimed, every big movement he made just splashing more water on a frowning Zuko. “I could’ve drowned!”

“Well that wasn’t my fault, so keep the water to yourself,” Zuko rolled his eyes at Sokka’s dramatics. 

“You’re such a baby, Sokka,” Toph chuckled. “Aang took it like a champ. You don’t hear him complaining about a couple of tickles,” Toph cooed in a mocking baby voice, making Sokka squint in contempt. 

Sokka pointed a finger toward Toph over Zuko, “I don’t wanna hear it from you. You don’t get attacked like I do!”

“Yeah, cause I set boundaries,” Toph grinned, tossing a foot over her knee. “You guys don’t tickle me cause you know if you even try it you’ll never have use of your fingers again.”

Zuko’s brow shot up at that, and he nearly smiled, but made no comment.

Sokka had no smart comeback to give, instead bringing his hand back in to cross his arms over his chest, pouting. They sat in silence for a moment before it seemed like a light went off over Sokka’s head, the boy perking up quickly and whipping his head toward–

“Zuko,” Sokka started with a grin. “You should help me get back at Aang.”

Zuko’s brow really shot up at that, “What?!”

“Yeah, he’d never expect it from you!” Sokka said, his smile wide and excited. 

Zuko stared incredulously, “Did that water hit you over the head or something? I am not doing that,” he scoffed, refusing to look at Sokka right now. He is so stupid, what makes him think Zuko would ever do something so childish? 

“Oh c’mooon, you said you were here to help us, right? Well…this would be helping me,” Sokka smiled a toothy grin, really hoping to win him over.

“Just ask Toph, don’t involve me in this. I’m sure she can do some…earthbendy thing and help way better than I could,” Zuko said, looking toward Toph for help.

Toph shook her head, “Nope. This is all you, Sparky,” Zuko could see her smile beneath the shade. He growled in frustration, peeking over toward Sokka.

“You can do it yourself then. Figure it out,” Zuko said, staring back off into the ocean. Aang and Katara were bending and splashing water at each other, their laughs and happy voices blending with the sounds of the ocean waves pushing and pulling against itself.

Sokka grumbled, falling onto his back in the sand. “Was just trying to see if you wanted to have some fun before we get serious again tomorrow,” he mumbled, picking at the sand with his fingers. 

Zuko tried to ignore him, but felt a poke to his shoulder on his left. He looked to Toph and saw her just staring at him with this look, like she was disappointed. Or, maybe not disappointed. More like she was saying with her eyes, “Didn’t we just have a heart-to-heart about this two seconds ago?” He felt the doll in his pocket jab into his thigh. 

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose like he often did when utterly frustrated. “If I help you, you have to do something for me in return.”

Sokka shot up, his eyes wide like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Yeah! Anything!” he paused, “Or, I mean, almost anything.”

Zuko clicked his tongue, he cannot believe he is doing this. “There’s some spices left over in the kitchen cabinet. They haven’t gone bad, I checked,” he peeked over to Sokka. “For dinner tonight, we are using those spices. No offense, but I’m tired of eating bland stew every night. If you grab those from the house…” he sighed, saying the words like they crawled from the pit of his stomach, “I will help you get back at Aang.”

“Say no more!” Sokka shot up from the sand and strut toward the house with his head held high. He was obviously very proud of himself for convincing Zuko to do something silly for once, and honestly, Zuko couldn’t blame him. He was surprised himself.

Toph dropped her throne back to the ground, the force of it shaking the ground under them as she stuck her toes in the sand. “You really gonna do it, Sparky?”

Zuko dropped his face into his hands. “I think I just dug myself into a hole.”

That made Toph cackle, and Zuko couldn’t help smiling into his palms.

–

The fish stew Katara was cooking smelled amazing. Zuko had forgotten just how much he missed the smell of real, seasoned food until he found those spices in the cabinet earlier today. At least he was getting something good out of this mess he’s got himself into.

In the living room of the beach house, Toph was proudly showing off all the sand dolls she made today. It was mainly weird shapes or animals she was familiar with, but everyone got a kick out of it.

“Oh, oh, can you do me?!” Aang practically bounced on his heels, clutching the Appa doll to his chest. 

“Remind me when we go back to the beach, Twinkletoes,” Toph smiled, tossing a solid ball of sand to the ceiling, up, then down. “I made Sparky one, since he didn’t abandon me on the beach like some people.”

Aang deflated in guilt, “I thought you said you didn’t care…”

“I didn’t care, I’m just messing with you,” she grinned, throwing the ball at a quiet Zuko’s head. 

“Ow! Hey, watch it–!”

“Show ‘em your doll, Sparks!” Toph said, the ball launching itself back into her palm. Zuko frowned, feeling weirdly embarrassed by it. He just sat there for a second with everyone staring at him, waiting.

“I thought you said not to mention it?” 

“Well if Aang’s making commissions, he should probably see what he’s buying,” Toph said, clearly just proud the others were liking her art so much.

A little shy, Zuko reached into his pocket and pulled out the doll, holding it up for everyone to see. Aang immediately rushed over, not taking it from his hand but still looking at it really close.

“Woah, little Sifu Hotman! Toph, this is so cool!” Aang poked at the doll’s face, “Aww, she even made him smile!”

Katara barked a laugh from the kitchen close by, “Really taking some artistic liberties with that one, Toph.”

Everyone snickered at that, and Zuko couldn’t help but frown (unfortunately proving their case). “I can smile,” he said, shoving the doll back in his pocket. “Maybe I just don’t find you guys that funny.”

Sokka gasped, “What, do we not amuse you enough, Your Highness?” He said in a mockingly fancy tone.

Zuko knows he’s just teasing, but Sokka can really be annoying sometimes. 

“That’s not it,” Zuko glared. “I don’t know, maybe we just have different senses of humor. But I can smile.”

He saw Aang glance over his shoulder to Sokka, who was lying comfortably on a pile of pillows. There was a weird, silent exchange happening between them that Zuko couldn’t pinpoint, but he was smart enough to know something was up. 

Sokka sat up and looked at Zuko, trying a little too hard to look casual. “So…what does make you smile, then?”

Zuko raised a brow. Kind of a loaded question, if you ask him. “I mean, I don’t know. That’s sorta vague.”

“On purpose,” Sokka corrected. “I can think of a ton of things that make me smile off the top of my head. Like, uh…shopping!”

“Cartwheels,” Aang butt in.

“Sea prunes!” Katara called from the kitchen.

“Feeling the enemy crumble to the ground,” Toph said, way too casually.

Zuko felt a little cornered. This was hard for him, okay? Thinking of something like this off the top of his head was difficult when he’s spent the last three years with a resting frowny face. “Um…” he started, really digging into his brain for an answer. “My…Uncle was really good at telling jokes? They got annoying sometimes, but some of them made me laugh. If that counts.”

Aang really smiled at that, moving to sit next to Zuko on the ground. “That definitely counts,” he said, before shooting another look toward Sokka. Hm…

Sokka got up and sat next to Zuko on his other side, throwing an arm over his shoulder way too casually, “I think that’s a wonderful answer. But there’s just one problem…”

Zuko shot him a confused side-eye, almost shrinking away from Sokka’s touch. “Uh, okay?”

“I don’t think we’ve ever made you smile,” said Sokka, giving a small jostle to Zuko’s shoulder.

Toph snorted across the room, getting everyone’s attention. “You can be real smart sometimes, Sparky. I don’t know how you haven’t figured out what they’re up to.”

Zuko shook Sokka’s arm off his shoulder with a furrowed brow, “What are you talking about?”

She grinned, feeling through the floor how both Aang and Sokka were slowly inching closer to Zuko on either side. “I think they’re gonna tickle you.”

Without a second more to think about escaping, Sokka shoved his hands under Zuko’s arms, followed by Aang throwing himself over Zuko’s lap to wrap his waist in a ticklish hug. 

Zuko shrieked, the sensation throwing him off guard so hard he nearly toppled over onto the ground. He would have toppled over, if Aang didn’t have such a strong grip on his waist, not to mention those fingers digging into his sides with a terrible, gentle accuracy. He was a cackling, giggling mess immediately.

“Nohoho-! Wahahait! Waitwaitwaitwaitwahahait-!” Zuko cackled, his eyes scrunched up and his smile wider than it had been in some time. He had forgotten just how ticklish he was until those fingers wouldn’t leave him alone, the digging into his armpits and the scribbling at his sides, it was all so…ugh, it was so ticklish.

“Tried to warn you!” Toph smiled, hearing Katara enter the room to watch while the stew finished cooking.

“Woowww, didn’t know you guys had it in you,” Katara remarked as she leaned against the door frame, watching with a grin. She pointed at the scuffle with her spoon, “I really expected you two to wuss out!”

Aang scoffed with a grin, having to use a lot of his strength to hold the very squirmy Zuko in his arms. “He’s not scary anymore, Katara. I mean, just watch this,” he said, before pinching at Zuko’s hips and making the boy squeal.

“Guhuhuys! Ahaha–wahahait! Hold ohohon!” Zuko twisted in his laughter, his arms sealed at his sides to no avail. If Sokka didn’t get his stupid fingers out of his armpits right now he was pretty sure he was gonna keel over and die any second now. From laughter or embarrassment, he wasn’t really sure which.

“Wait, wuss out?” Toph questioned. “Did you guys plan this?” 

Sokka snickered, switching to just using one finger under each arm at a time, and somehow that was even worse. “Yeeeeah, I might’ve pulled a fast one at the beach. Sorry buddy!” he said, before, “Well, not too sorry. This is pretty funny.”

Zuko’s face felt so hot he was almost worried it was gonna catch on fire. Quite literally. “I’m gonna kihihill you twohohoo!” he cackled, finally gathering enough strength to push Aang off him, kicking his feet to make sure Aang kept his distance. But Sokka was unrelenting. “Sokka! Cuhut it out!”

“Ohhhh fine,” Sokka pulled his hands out, bringing one up to scruff Zuko’s hair for good measure. “Before you get mad, we only did it cause you looked a little left out on the beach today.”

Zuko wished so badly that Toph would let the floor swallow him up whole right now. “So your solution was to—do that!?”

“Well, yeah,” Aang smiled a little shyly, “It looked like you felt left out when we were playing earlier. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong…sorry if that was too much.”

Katara had slipped back to the kitchen for just a moment during their conversation, coming back now with a tray of bowls. She handed Zuko his bowl first, which he took while still glaring at Sokka and Aang. (Well, mainly Sokka. He could tell Aang felt bad, and Zuko’s not like, actually mad. Just so utterly embarrassed and shy that he doesn’t know how to express himself right now.) 

Katara gave him a sympathetic smile. “They really like you. They just don’t know how to…express it with you, sometimes.”

“Don’t put this on me, it was Aang’s idea!” Sokka looked a little embarrassed himself, like he’d been caught saying something he didn’t want Zuko to hear. He took his bowl from Katara but wouldn’t look her in the eye.

Aang took what Katara said with stride. She always had a way of putting exactly how he felt into words. “Yeah, it was my idea. You’re really cool, Sifu Hotman! But, I don’t know…I never wanna make you mad, but I still want you to feel included, yknow?”

With a mouthful of stew, Sokka chimed in, “Wha’ he said.”

Zuko wasn’t sure what to say right now. He still felt warm up his neck, and all the eyes on him right now weren't helping. But…he also felt really appreciated? These people certainly had a weird way of showing their affection, but they were trying. For him.

Ugh. They’re so sweet it’s almost sickening.

“We won’t ever do it again. Just…know we meant well,” Aang gave a sad little smile before taking a bite of his stew. Well now Zuko had to say something.

“No, it’s okay,” he stared into his bowl. “Affection, and I guess play, are…sorta new to me. I don’t hate it. I don’t…mind,” Zuko cringed at his own phrasing. Telling them that he actually sorta kinda had a little bit of fun just now felt impossible. He sighed, “What I’m saying is, I won’t get mad if you ever do it again. I know you’re not being mean. And it doesn’t bother me. So. Y’know…yeah.”

Sokka squinted toward Zuko over his spoon. “So, you didn’t hate it…” he shot a grin, “...which, in Zuko Speak, means you had fun right?”

Zuko sincerely wanted to singe the brows right off Sokka's face. Because, unfortunately, he was right. Zuko bit the inside of his cheek, “If I say yes will you drop it?”

“Actually, if you say yes you’re just giving me permission to turn that frown upside-down whenever I want,” Sokka wiggled his eyebrows, making Aang laugh beside him.

Zuko could only roll his eyes and take another spoonful in response, which they all knew in Zuko Speak was a definite yes.

“Ahem,” Toph turned the attention back toward her from across the room. “Now that that’s over, can we please go back to talking about how awesome my new sandbending tricks are? I’ll be generous and take free commissions for the next five minutes, but after that you suckers are gonna have to start paying up.”

Aang shot his hand up immediately, “I call a tiny hat for Momo!”

“Ok, but how about a tiny sword for Momo?” said Sokka.

Katara giggled, “We could give him little sand boots.”

Toph hummed with a nod, drawing up plans in her head before pointing toward Zuko. “Sparky? Any suggestions?”

Zuko looked around the room, everyone’s eyes on him once again. It wasn’t a bad feeling, though. They liked hearing what he had to say, even if it was just for a silly game. Zuko was allowed in on the conversation; actually, more than allowed. Encouraged.

“Um…he could use some sand shades. Really bright outside, y’know.” 

There was a small beat of silence, and for a second Zuko almost regretted joining in, before everyone burst into giggles.

“Momo’s gotta be beach ready!” Aang laughed, poking the lemur in the belly. “Toph, he needs sandals. He needs them!”

Zuko couldn’t help but smile along as they kept throwing insane suggestions Toph’s way, his cheeks almost hurting by the end of it. Every once in a while, he’d catch himself glancing around the room, taking in how different it looks full of good company. It was somehow brighter, obviously louder, and the air didn’t feel as tight. Even when they circled back to Zuko’s newfound ticklishness later in the conversation, he felt comfortable to tease back about how weak they all were against the spices he had Katara throw in their stew.

Sokka’s threat of future tickles his way kept creeping its way to the forefront of his mind every once and a while. And he wasn’t…not excited about it. It’s not the tickling he’s looking forward to, exactly. Although, every time he pictures that future attack, he feels the ghost of fingers digging into him again and feels a weird smile pulling at his lips. Zuko puts it back to normal immediately when he catches himself, but it was there, and he knows that. But no, no it’s definitely not the tickling. It’s not just the tickling. 

Zuko’s glad they’re not scared of him. They aren’t scared to touch him the way they do the others. It’s different for him, and he knows he’ll have to get used to all this newfound affection. But that’s something he’s willing (happy) to do.

When the night was finished and he found himself in that old familiar smelling bed, Zuko pulled the doll out of his pocket. He traced its details with his thumb under the light of fire he lit in his other palm. Sand took another shape with his friend’s help, and made him smile.

At that moment he decided, that’s what he’ll do with this house. It doesn’t have to feel so dark and alone. Zuko can reshape it. 

-

pls consider reblogging if u enjoyed!! love yall, smooches

[butteerfly]

DATING SNK BOYS

just going back to customs <3 actually this headcanon is more like your love story was with each one, i hope you appreciate it

¡¡ mayor spoilers !! s1/2/3

levi ackerman, erwin smith, eren jeager

LEVI ACKERMAN

He thought he was made for a lonely life, but meeting you changed many of his perspectives.

your love story began with a forced coexistence

he was frustrated at having to work alongside a new recruit from the military police

but your quick efficiency quite surprised him

the way you protected everyone during the expeditions caught his attention

then spontaneously you started having midnight talks

he never imagined coinciding with a person as much as he does with you

appreciates that you have left the military police to contribute to humanity through your bravery

He is a very reserved man so discovering his feelings was not an easy task, and making him talk about it was even more difficult

One of the things he likes about you is your ability to surprise him in the most unexpected ways.

you always look flawless according to him

tea tastes different if he shares it with you

He secretly enjoys when you come to his office to complete paperwork with him, sometimes loneliness tires him

He is not a man of words, his love language is acts of service and simple gifts

he is too independent in practically every aspect of his life except with you

He is very overprotective, he does not do it in a possessive way, the world in which you live forces him to take care of you

he partially disagree with you being in the survey corp, but he knows that if he met you there he won't be able to convince you to leave.

he is scared of you because you make him feel vulnerable without any explanation

not into pda, but in the privacy of your room he always prefers you to be on top of him

In terms of sex, I think Levi would agree with whatever you want to do as long as you guys are out of duty.

he is quite shy about that topic due to his lack of experience

when you sleep next to him he could look at your face for hours without getting tired

he really likes how you smell

he's actually your squad captain

your relationship caused an interesting gossip in paradis when it was discovered

hange always asks you when you are going to have children because she wants to meet her nephews and levi always looks at her horrified

he trains you personally and mercilessly because he doesn't want to lose you for anything in the world

when the female titan appearedthe fear he had for you still sends shivers down his spine

whispers I love you

one of his most intimate moments was when he had a panic attack in the middle of a storm, you witnessed his pain and helped him overcome it that day.

It was very difficult for him but he confessed to you what the memory of the death of his best friends made him feel and you comforted him like no one else

he cannot afford to be weak with humanity, he is the strongest soldier of humanity, he has a duty, but with you... your side is the only place where he feels that he is Levi Ackerman and not a soldier

dating Levi is constantly comforting each other, in order to cope with your existence in the world that you lived in

EREN JEAGER

you met when you were just babies, you grew up together those peaceful years

Eren thought you were the cutest girl/boy in Paradis and he continue to think the same for the rest of his life

when your life was turned upside down in a split second you both found peace in each other's embrace.

you share a deep hatred for those who took away your freedom

the devotion you feel for him is immeasurable

from the beginning you always thought like him, the survey corp was your path before he too decided he wanted to go there

Eren confessed his love to you during training, your first kiss was adorable and awkward

dating him back then was a volatile experience, watching him die and come back as a titan stressed you out too much.

you supported him in all his decisions when he found out he was a titan

you swore loyalty..

the latent fear that he will die again haunts you

I think Eren is one of the passionate kisses

he is a hormonal teenager, has a lot of energy

He didn't mind showing you love in public

lots of kisses on the back of your hand

would be a jealous man

when you broke three ribs fighting the female titan he almost went crazy.

He is the type of boyfriend who when you get sick does not leave your side

the shiganshina operation was a before and after in your relationship

when you came back you knew something was wrong just by looking at his eyes

dating him used to be fun, dangerous adventure, you laughed and hugged

But now dating him is a permanent state of alert

he started to be more distant and aggressive towards you progressively, suddenly he no longer kisses you in public and you no longer remember when he said I love you for the last time

he broke up with you but refuses to let you go, you became so dependent on each other

There's a growing anxiety between you that you can't fix and he doesn't seem to care

suddenly he asks you to leave the army and stay away from your friends... and you listen to him because you love him more than your life

Before leaving you forever, he made sure to leave you in the safest place in the world and kiss you for the last time, without giving you any explanation.

dating eren is to miss what his love once was

ERWIN SMITH

Erwin remembers being instantly attracted to your rebelliousness

the way you questioned your superiors to keep your comrades safe made him want to talk to you, you look interesting.

He started filling out paperwork with you, then walking next to you, "accidentally" bumping into you, then inviting you for tea.

when he asked you what you thought about what lay beyond the wall your answer amazed him

he knew you were the one at that moment, but his head refused to accept it as a defense mechanism

the tension that existed between both of you was overwhelming

you initiated your first kiss, making him totally lose himself with you

It didn't take you long to formalize and start walking hand in hand in public.

It was certainly inappropriate but when your superiors asked for an explanation Erwin said that working together in this way was more beneficial for the team and consequently for humanity, everyone fell for his speech

you are the couple that talks about totally strange topics that the rest don't even think about

he taught you to play chess

you taught him a card game that your family had taught you

you recommend books to each other

in fact on your days off you go to a small park to read together, usually you end up sleeping on top of him

he thinks you would be a lovely bride ...

he gave you a ring but never asked the question

you understood why

When you are on duty, you are not distracted much because your obligation is serious, but as soon as night comes...

before he was the commander you used to sneak into his room to sleep next to him

passionate kisses against the wall

In terms of sex, your greatest activity is when you return from the expeditions...you relieve stress that way

believes that red roses are the perfect flowers for you

your heart almost jumped out of your mouth when he lost his arm

he could listen to you talk all day, no matter if he is tired, badly hurt or stressed, your voice is his ground wire

you never questioned him as a commander, after all he was your superior, his speeches left you teary-eyed

you were so proud of the man you fell in love with and dreamed of marrying

until the shiganshina operation came

he ordered you as commander to stay in the rose wall, in case no one of the survey corps is left alive, but you knew that was an excuse, you couldn't believe that he was doing that to you

you begged him on your knees to let you go whit them, he didn't give in but you didn't listen to him either, after all you always had a rebellious spirit

he was speechless when he saw you among the troops, but he couldn't be mad at you on the possible day of his death, he assigned you to armin arlert's group anyway

"this could be the end of everything so why don't we go somewhere only we know" 😭

The last time you saw him in the eyes will always stay in your head.

you felt your world fall when he finally left

dating erwin is having his spirit and courage tattooed on your heart for the rest of your life

.

.

.

I hope you liked my vision <3 I accept any ideas and opinions

[teyamsatan]

The Archer | Chapter V: This Is Me Trying

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Summary: A vision Neteyam sees at the Spirit Tree puts a strain on your relationship and leaves more questions than answers. Another RDA atrocity leaves the Metkayina reeling and sets in motion events whose consequences will haunt you forever.

Pairings: Neteyam x Avatar!Reader

Word Count: 11.6k words

Warnings/notes: smut(18+, minors DNI!), angst, mentions of death, blood, violence, cursing, SPOILERS for ATWOW

A/N: This is it, the chapter where it all goes to shit! I am very excited to explore the second half of the movie and put my own little spin on it. I hope you enjoy where the story is going and are as excited as I am for what's in store. The song the reader sings to Tuk is important for the story, as are all the lyrics I put in it, and if you replace the river with Eywa, it all fitsss! Why am I seeing Eywa in Frozen 2 we'll never know, but here we are. Also, whilst the beginning quote usually speaks to the reader's feelings, this one I felt fit all of the three POV characters in the particular hardships each of them are going through. Ok I'll stop rambling enjoy thank you for asking to be tagged and liking and reblogging and replying ily byee

I've been having a hard time adjusting, I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have a lot of regrets about that

And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound

It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you

You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

And I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

The next day, the tension between Lo’ak and Ao’nung seemed to dissipate, and you knew whatever happened after Lo’ak took off was enough to mend a relationship you thought was too broken to ever recover. Boys, you rolled your eyes. They would almost kill each other, and it would all be forgotten the next day. You and the rest of the Sullys, as well as Rot’xo, Tsireya and Ao’nung were hanging out by the beach, as Lo’ak recounted his encounter with the tulkun that saved his life.

“I wish I’d been there. The ocean blessed you with a gift, brother.”

“The tulkun have not returned yet. And anyway, no tulkun is ever alone.”

“This one was. It had a…a missing fin, like a stump on the left side.” Lo’ak was looking only at Tsireya when he spoke, like she was the only one there. She was also enraptured by his presence, and fear flashed across her features as the realisation hit.

“Payakan. It’s Payakan.”

“Who’s Payakan?” Kiri asks, a concerned look on her face.

“A young bull who went rogue. He’s outcast, alone. And he has a missing fin.”

“They say he is a killer.” Tsireya looked at your brother almost in pain, pleading Lo’ak to hear her.

“He killed Na’vi, and other tulkun…not here, but far to the South.” 

You and Neteyam exchanged a look, worried for your baby brother who was in such proximity with an apparent monster. 

“No, he’s no killer.”

Tsireya reached for Lo’ak’s arm, and you watched as he wrapped his hand around her wrist, holding her intimately. 

“Lo’ak… you are lucky to be alive.”

“I’m telling you guys, he saved my life. He’s my friend.” 

You saw your mate get up from his spot to place his hands on his brother’s shoulder, a desperate attempt to defuse an increasingly tense situation. 

“My baby bro, the mighty warrior who faced the killer tulkun, and lived to tell about it.”

Lo’ak pushed himself away from Neteyam’s grasp, evident annoyance and frustration emanating from his whole body. 

“You guys aren’t listening.” 

Tuk, who was nestled in your lap, spoke in the cute voice that made you melt on the spot.“Lo’ak, I’m listening…” 

“Lo’ak, come back…” you tried to call after him, but it was too late.

“You skxawng.” You heard Kiri say as your brother walked away. 

You gently removed Tuk from your lap and got up, determined to not leave him alone. He was alone far too often, and you wanted him to know he didn’t have to do this by himself. Neteyam gave you a look, and you knew he felt hurt that you were leaving him for his brother, and hurt that he knew Lo’ak would much rather prefer your presence to his. He always had, ever since you were all children. 

You ran across the beach and caught him right as he was getting in the water. 

“Wait up, you irk.” He didn’t stop until he hit the water, and you had to physically arrest him with your hand around his arm. 

“Lo’ak!” 

“Why does nobody ever believe me? Why doesn’t she believe me?” 

Of course this was about Tsireya. You smiled a little at your oblivious baby brother. 

“She does believe you, you skxawng, she’s just worried about you.”

He turned instantly in his spot. 

“You think?” 

You rolled your eyes and huffed a frustrated exhale. You called for an ilu and motioned for him to get on his own. 

“Come, I want to meet this Payakan.” 

You could tell Lo’ak was annoyed he had to wait for you, as you were not as fast or experienced in the water as he was, and needed to come up for air a lot more, but he didn’t complain. As you reached Three Brothers Rocks, he called loudly for Payakan, and you felt like an earthquake engulfed you as the massive creature surfaced. You were still a little scared by the tulkun, holding on tightly to your ilu, but you believed your brother - you trusted him, and you wanted him to know that. 

Lo’ak immediately jumped from his ilu and onto the fin of the tulkun, which could comfortably fit a few Na’vi on it. He closed up on Payakan’s eye, and spoke looking closely into it.

“It’s good to see you.” Through sign language, Lo’ak continued speaking to his new friend. “Why are you outcast? What happened?”

You heard Payakan make a trilling sound you couldn’t understand, but you knew from the Metkayina they had their own complex language that you hoped in time you could master somehow. 

“I trust you. You can trust me.” 

The tulkun gave another trill that sounded quite content, and you smiled at the real connection that blossomed between these two. You saw Lo’ak smile a gummy, wide, genuine smile, and you couldn’t remember the last time you last saw it. The thought made you sad, but you pushed it aside. 

“I want to introduce you to someone.” Your brother motioned for you to dismount your ilu and follow him, which you did cautiously. 

As you reached his eye, you brought you fingers to your forehead and signalled an “I see you” to the mighty creature and smiled as it pushed its massive head a little closer to you. 

“This is my sister.” You saw Lo’ak signal. You were both hanging on the fin when you felt it being lowered, and your brother told you to take a deep breath and hold on. 

The next few hours were some of the most spectacular of your life, as you allowed Payakan to carry you around on his massive fin, feeling similar to how you did when flying at high speeds on top of your beautiful ikran. You mostly watched though, feeling as though Lo’ak deserves this moment for himself, deserves this connection that is his and his alone. 

Eventually, they returned and you both got on top of him, sunbathing on his back while he floated away peacefully. 

“So… Tsireya, huh?” 

You smiled as Lo’ak turned purple. 

“It’s ok, Lo’ak. You can talk to me.” 

“I feel weird talking about this with you.” 

“Oh…” you felt a little hurt at the comment, but decided not to push. “You don’t have to, I just thought you might like to. I don’t want you to feel alone, or like you can’t tell me things.” 

“I would like to, it’s just, I have loved you my whole life, and for so long I thought that there was a chance that you and I might…” he shook his head, like he was trying to push the idea out of his mind, before continuing. 

“It was weird between us, for a while, it was hard for me to watch you with my brother, knowing you were just one more thing he got that I didn’t… just one more thing he beat me at.” 

“I’m not a prize you win at a carnival, you know?” You raised your eyebrow in his direction, a little indignant at his comments.

“I know… what I’m saying is that it is just a little strange for me, in light of everything we have been through. But I want to talk to you, if you want to listen.” 

Neteyam decided there was no point in dwelling on his brother, or on you, both of whom were adults, and able to make your own decisions - and if that decision meant abandoning him and the rest of them on the day you were all supposed to go see the Cove of the Ancestors for the first time, then so be it. 

With a small sigh, he got up from the ground and helped his sister up. Kiri eyed him intently, trying to gauge how bad his mood was, and right now, he couldn’t tell. He just knew he wanted to go, and calm down before he even thought about it further. 

“Let’s go, it will be eclipse soon and I think you will really like it.” 

He was excited to see the spirit tree, excited to see how it would differ from Vitraya Ramunong. He was excited to see what Eywa had to show him, what vision or dream he would be transported to this time. He tried not to dwell on the last time, the one he saw Auntie Jo and how she told him you were almost dead, tried not to dwell on the memories of seeing you in that room, a small and frail human, tubes protruding in and out of you like a nightmare he couldn’t wait wake up from. 

They all got on their own ilu, except from Tuk who got on Kiri’s, and when they were all ready, they left. Neteyam was still amazed at the underwater beauty of this world, so unlike his own, but just as mesmerising, and he wondered if he would ever get used to it - ever not have his heart pick up speed in his chest at all the colours and the fish, at the coral and the reflections of the sun on the surface of the water, on his skin. When they resurfaced, Neteyam saw floating islands, that brought him back home a little, to the miracle of the Hallelujah mountains, although these were a little different, much smaller and flatter, and he thought with a swell of pride that although the beauty of this corner of the world was unparalleled, there still was nothing to top his own. 

He took it all in, feeling all the resentment and anger melt away at the sight, arcades reaching peaks he could barely see, and the shift in the air reminded him a lot of the Tree of Souls - he felt Eywa in it, knew she was here, with them, right now. His thoughts lingered on you, on the fact you were missing this, that his brother was missing this, and how much he knows you would have enjoyed it. He imagined your face, glowing in surprise and awe, mouth agape and eyes wide, your ears flickering animatedly and freckles glowing stronger than usual, and he felt the pang of jealousy and hurt return in full force, fighting with his conscious mind that was telling him to let it go. 

“This is the Cove of the Ancestors. Our most sacred place.“

Neteyam felt blinded by the sun as eclipse was starting to set in. He put a hand in front of his face to relieve some of the discomfort, and when he removed it, he was once again in unadulterated shock at the seascape beneath him. Bioluminescent glow brought light to the entire cove, purple and pink and blue. 

“This is it. This is the Spirit Tree.”

The tree was resting on the ocean floor, and unlike their own, it was adorned with enormous leaves, reminiscent of delicate sea anemone. They dove in, each of them choosing their own, and he reached for his queue, gently bringing it forward to form the Tsaheylu. He felt air fill his lungs as the tree was providing a way to maintain the bond for longer underwater, and he was grateful as he always was, for Eywa and the way this planet worked together to maintain balance and a sense of communion among all its inhabitants. 

He felt it instantly, being transported through space and time, through dimensions into a higher one, higher than his own, higher than he’ll ever know until his death. 

He woke up outside of the clearing, your clearing, back in the forest, and his heart constricted at the sight. The smell of the wood and wet ground, the moisture in the air from the morning dew, the constant buzzing and humming of life all around him, the feel of the grass on his feet that he wiggled, trying to memorise the sensations it evoked in him. 

He heard the unmistakable sound of a guitar, and a song he has never heard before playing, muffled voice breaking through the rest of the quiet sounds. He rushed to it, excited to see you, even in this universe, parallel to his own, you were still the only light guiding him. He was going to call for you, when the voice caught in his throat and his mouth remained agape, too surprised to remember to close it. It was you, but not as he has known you for a year now. It was human you, sick you, pale and skinny, wet from unshed rain, hair clinging to your bony back. You didn’t turn to face him, continuing to play the song that rang painful in his ears now, like it didn’t belong - like you didn’t belong. 

Our coming-of-age has come and gone

Suddenly this summer, it's clear

I never had the courage of my convictions

As long as danger is near

And it's just around the corner, darling

'Cause it lives in me

No, I could never give you peace

“Atan?”

You stopped playing and finally turned to him, and he hated seeing you like this, brittle and frail, so unlike the you he knows and loves, so unlike your soul, which shone brightly and stood tall. A kaleidoscope of emotions crossed your features as you took him in, a mix of fear, and happiness, wonder and anguish, all fighting for supremacy on your face. 

“How are you here?” 

“How am I here, how are you here, Atan? What is going on?” 

“It’s good to see you. I missed you.” 

Neteyam was so confused, his mind was mush trying to understand what was going on. He saw you slowly wander towards him, a soft smile on your face as you seemed to make up your mind about which feelings plagued you seeing him in front of you. 

As you approached him, he tried to not focus on your ghastly features that he still had nightmares thinking about at night before bed, and he thanked Eywa for bringing you back to him, healthy and strong again. 

You reached a hand for his face, that you stroke gently, and he couldn’t help lean into your touch, still familiar and necessary, even in this strange world, in this uneasy scenario. 

“You shouldn’t be here, Neteyam. I am so happy to see you again, but you need to go.” 

You were as tall as him, he mused. Even in your human body, you were as tall as you were in your Na’vi form, top of head reaching his chin, and he took you in his arms and into a hug, that he needed desperately. 

“I don’t understand, Atan. What is happening?” 

You hugged him back, as tightly as you could in this body that was falling apart in front of him, and pulled back, resting a hand above his heart, a soft tear falling down your cheek. 

“Neteyam, I don’t have a lot of time.” You looked panicked around you, and he knew your time together was quickly coming to an end. 

“Your life is fast approaching a crossroad and when it reaches, you will have a choice to make. Please, please choose right. And please, don’t think about me again, or about this. You can’t think of me again and you can’t tell anyone about this, you can’t tell me about this, do you understand?” 

Neteyam couldn’t speak, couldn’t process what was happening in front of him. He didn’t have to, though, as you brought your face to his and kissed him, salty tears falling all over your face and into the kiss, that he felt staining the taste of you, that he loved so much. The last thing he saw was you walking away, your hand that you were resting on his body dripping in red liquid down your arm and onto the ground, that he recognised faintly as blood. 

“I love you so much. I hope we never see each other again.” 

He was violently pulled out of his dream by a hand shaking him awake, and the world came bluntly into view once more, commotion happening all around him. He turned to face the cause, and almost drowned as he saw his baby sister shaking aggressively, the freckles all over her body flashing concurrently.

He immediately rushed to her side and pulled her out of the water, by which time she had completely lost consciousness, and called for an ilu. He didn’t even have time to think about his own stirring experience, as every thought was screaming in terror and fear for his sister, who was not responsive at all, and whose previously bright markings were now completely dim. 

Neteyam had to clear his mind and think. He’s seen seizures before, as they sometimes appeared in people who had the disease you helped cure. Kiri inhaled a lot of water as she was seizing, and her absent breath brought his own laboured one forward. He knew what to do.Thirty compressions, two breaths, thirty compressions, two breaths. As he continued the CPR, he saw with relief flooding his being that his baby sister gasped for air, now breathing on her own. 

“Get her to the village. Hurry.” He thinks that was Tsireya, he was too focused on Kiri to care. 

“Let’s go, let’s move.” He didn’t stop to see if any of them were following him, hurrying as much as he could to get her to safety. 

You were happy you came with Lo’ak, although guilt was starting to gnaw at you when you thought about Neteyam’s hurt expression as you took off. You blew him and the rest of your family off on one of the most important days here, the day you were supposed to see the Tree of Souls. You knew that, but you knew it in your heart that Lo’ak needed someone to talk to, outside of his new mammalian friend, someone to show him he’s not as alone as he feels every day. Unlike the rest of them, you knew all too well the deep ache that came with feeling all alone, and you couldn’t bear the thought of your baby brother going trough that. You smiled a little to yourself at your conversation, and your now better understanding of his feelings towards the kind Metakyina girl, and you were grateful you were able to overcome a barrier you felt has plagued your relationship for a while.

It was a little past eclipse as you returned to the village and you saw with some surprise commotion happening outside of your tent. Your ilu took you right there in no time, and you jumped onto the platform, where your family was, alongside the Metkayina kids. 

You hurried towards the entrance, where you saw Neteyam, and you gasped loudly when you looked inside and you saw Kiri laying on the floor, unconscious, Neytiri huddled on top of her, screaming for her to wake up. 

“What the hell happened?” 

Neteyam shot you a dirty look, which you recoiled at. Neteyam never looked at you that way, and you knew then he was a lot more upset about you leaving than you thought he would be. 

“Kiri had a seizure at the Tree of Souls. She hasn’t woken up since.” 

You ran inside and quickly got your medical bag out of hiding. “What have you guys done about it?” 

“I gave her CPR because she inhaled a lot of water and she wasn’t breathing. She started breathing on her own, but that was it, she hasn’t woken up.” 

“When was this?”

“Maybe 20 minutes ago?” 

“Shit. If it was a seizure, she should have woken up by now. This is serious. She shouldn’t still be unconscious.” 

“Can you do anything?” You heard Jake say, concern dripping from every word, tension thick in the air that was now hard to breathe. 

“I can give her some IV fluids, but I’m not sure, Jake. She might be in status epilepticus, which is when a person seizes for longer than 5 minutes, but I don’t know what to do about it. I’m not trained for this. She needs EEG scans, which I don’t have, and she might need to be put in a medically induced coma so her brain doesn’t get damaged.”

“A coma?” He looked at you like you grew another head.

“I’m not sure, Jake, this is just a guess. I don’t have the equipment to run these kinds of tests. You need to call Norm and Max.”

“It’s dangerous, they are watching the air space, they could find us.”

“If they can help her, we have to try.” Neytiri stood up and came to you, taking your hands in hers. “Please help her!” 

“I will, sa’nok. It will all be alright.” 

Neteyam was painfully aware of everything happening around him, aware of people going in and out, aware of your presence back in his, making his heart race and breath labour. He was mad at you, mad at Lo’ak, mad that you both were selfish and left them, mad that if you had stayed, with him, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened - maybe Kiri would have been fine. On top of everything, his own experience at the Tree of Souls left so many questions, so much lingering in his mind. Why were you there? What did you all mean? What crossroads? Why couldn’t he think of you? How was he supposed to know which choice was the right one?Why couldn’t he tell you? You were his best friend, the person he told everything to, and most importantly, the smartest person he knows. If anyone would have an answer for this whole surreal experience, it would be you. 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Neteyam turned his head to see you standing there, looking up at him, a tired and pleading look in your eyes. He felt his anger melt, if only slightly, when looking in those eyes that still shone as brightly as the sun, and his mind flashed to your human eyes, that he saw for the first time in a year. He felt a little guilty for thinking of another pair of eyes than the ones currently staring at him, even if they were still your own. 

“How is she?” 

You sighed and turned towards Kiri’s unconscious form in the tent. “I don’t know. We won’t know until the morning, when Norm and Max get here.” 

Neteyam scowled, not looking at you, but at the tiny flickers of bioluminescent light coming from the water, where fish were peacefully swimming near the surface. Maybe if you had been there…

“Neteyam… there’s nothing I could have done either way. There’s nothing I could have done differently, even if I was there.” Neteyam’s scowl deepened, but mostly cause he was unnerved by your continuous ability to see through him. 

“I’m sorry for leaving. I didn’t think I had a choice.” 

Neteyam let out a mocking laugh. “You did have a choice.” 

“I didn’t, Neteyam. Lo’ak needed me.” 

“I needed you. You’re never around anymore, you’re doing the exact same thing as you did when you were young. Pushing me away, isolating yourself in this marui while everyone else is trying their fucking best to adapt. Everyone but you.”

Neteyam knew he was being harsh, but his emotions were running high in light of the clusterfuck of a day he had, of frustrations that had built in him for months, that were coming out to the surface now, even if he tried to stop them. 

“Stop… you can’t do this. I know you are hurt that I left, and I know you feel annoyed at me, but I am trying my best. I’m sorry if it’s not good enough for you, but it’s the most I can handle right now. I am sorry about Kiri, Neteyam. I will do my best to help her, but right now, there is nothing else I can do. I am sorry about Lo’ak, but you guys always give him shit and you don’t take him seriously and I don’t want him to be alone. I know what it’s like to be alone, courtesy of my abandoning parents and you. You don’t get to blame me for not wanting someone, my brother, to go through what you put me through. I’m sorry I am not out as much as you guys, but unlike you, I didn’t grow up swimming and I am struggling, and I feel like a burden, and I feel like everyone is abandoning me for Tsireya, and I just need some time to deal, I need some time to figure out who I am now, in this new place, in this - yet again - new life, another one in a year. And a little bit of fucking understanding would be nice.” 

He was still angry, probably even angrier than he was, at you and at Lo’ak, at your knee-jerk reflex to bring back his leaving whenever you were hurt. But he also felt guilty, because in truth, he didn’t try to see things from your perspective, and understand how hard this must all be on you. Neteyam watched as you turned your back to him and went back into the tent, kneeling over Kiri. That could have gone better, Neteyam thought with a deep sigh.

It was the morning when you heard the unmistakable sounds of a helicopter approaching, and you knew then that Norm and Max have arrived. You felt happy to see them and relieved they were here, as you felt completely out of your depth in this situation where your sister was involved. You didn’t sleep a wink last night, monitoring her vitals and making sure she was getting all the nutrients through the IV. You haven’t talked to Neteyam since then, his harsh words still fresh in your mind. 

A swell of happiness enveloped you at the sight of the two men entering the tent, and you jumped up and hugged them, trying not to crush Max’s tiny body in the process. Norm was teary eyed when taking you in, and you found it hard letting go. 

“Good to see you, Ace.” 

You didn’t realise how much you missed that voice and that nickname until now, like a constant noise you don't realise is giving you a headache until it stops ringing in your ears.

“We missed you, guys. Sorry this is not under better circumstances.” 

You watched as the men took out equipment you didn’t have with you, such as a portable EEG, and looked at her brain activity.

“I gave her 5mg/ml of propofol every 3 hours to maintain the coma, but I stopped a few hours before you arrived so you could do this. I’ve been keeping her on IV fluids to maintain hydration and nutrient intake.” 

“Good job, Ace.”

You looked alongside the scientists at the scans of her brain. 

“There’s no bleed, there’s no fracture. No effects of hypoxia. Her brain looks good.” 

“You still have this interictal activity right here in her prefrontal.” 

“She’s definitely had a seizure.”

You went outside to discuss this further, while the Sully children and their mother looked over Kiri. 

“Look, I don’t think it was a seizure.”

“Ace, it was definitely a seizure. There’s nothing else it could have been.”

“Okay, let me rephrase. Maybe it was a seizure, but I don’t think it’s epilepsy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Think about it, guys. It happened while she was plugged into the Tree of Souls.”

“I think the kid is right. I talked to her a couple nights ago. She says she could feel Eywa, she could hear her heartbeat.”

“That is classic frontal lobe epilepsy.”

“Epilepsy?” Jake looked out of his mind with concern, and you shook your head quietly, disagreeing with Norm, but not wanting to interrupt him.

“Yeah.. you see visions, you get states of religious ecstasy, like the kind she’s described. Plugging into the spirit tree is some sort of a trigger. You definitely can’t let her do that anymore.”

“What…? Ever?”

Max interjected softly, trying to be as understanding as empathetic as he could, given the situation at hand. "Jake… if she seizes underwater again, it could kill her.”

Jake turns to look at you, pleading, begging for you to disagree, to give him some sort of hope that this wasn’t as dire as it seemed. 

“What do you think, baby girl?” 

“I think Norm and Max are understandably looking at this the science, biological, human way… no offence.”

 

“I think everything you guys are saying makes sense, if you decide to forget who Kiri is. Kiri is not just anybody. She’s special, she is connected with Eywa in a way none of us can imagine. We have discussed about her parentage before and everyone has their theories,  but mine is a little different. I think Kiri is Eywa’s child, as much as she was Grace’s. I think Eywa communicates through her, I think Eywa has bigger plans for her than any of us know. When I died, I saw my mother.” At the shocked expressions all around you, you withdrew into yourself a little. You didn’t want to talk about this, but it was necessary. “She was there, in Eywa. Has been with her, in this higher plane, ever since she died. She’s been watching over me. She told me that Kiri was the answer to the virus, that she would know. And she did. She has gifts, guys. I agree that her plugging into the spirit tree is a trigger, but not the one that can be measured by an EEG or treated by some Carbamazepine.”

“I think in order to wake up, she needs the Tsahik.” 

You saw Neytiri thinking ahead of you, as she usually did, and closely behind her Ronal was making her way to your tent. You got up from next to the men, and all of you tracked back where Kiri was, and you watched as Ronal performed rituals you had no understanding of, but were fascinated by. Your gaze was fixated on Kiri’s face, as was the rest of your family’s, and all of you gasped loudly as you saw your sister’s eyes open slowly. 

“Oh, thank God!” Jake was almost in tears, but couldn’t hold a candle to Tuk, whose face was littered by them. 

“Kiri, you’re awake!” 

Neytiri took her daughter’s hand in both of hers, bringing it affectionately to her face, as her and Kiri’s pained cries filled the muffled sounds in the room. 

“Oh, Kiri, my sweet child. Oh, my sweet daughter.”

You were so happy, so relieved, and you couldn’t help gaze over to your mate, whose eyes were already on you. It was tense, the situation between you, and you wondered if it could be solved with one discussion, if this was really only about you leaving with Lo’ak. Your head moved minutely in the direction of the entrance to the tent, and he nodded at you, understanding instantly. 

You left quietly, so as to not disturb the jubilant reunion, and sat on the edge of the platform, dipping your feet in the warm, clear blue water. 

He sat next to you, and his body was turned towards yours, his thigh touching yours, his eyes staring down at the side of your face, that refused to look at him. 

“Atan…” 

“I’m sorry for what I said. It was hypocritical of me to hold your going after Lo’ak against you, when I have been doing that my whole life and getting injured as a result and coming close to dying a couple of times. I’m sorry for saying you are not trying. You obviously are, and I’m sorry I didn’t try to look at this from your perspective. You are doing amazing, you have had to overcome so much and you always come out stronger than you were, and every time I don’t understand how that’s even possible. I need you to know, that nobody is abandoning you. Tuk is still your biggest fan and she talks about you all the time when we are swimming. I think she chewed Tsireya’s ear off about you, and she misses you being around in the water with her. And Kiri, well, she just finds comfort in nature, and you know this, and right now the nature is… well, where you aren’t. You have nothing to be worried about.”

Your eyes lifted to meet his and you saw he looked… off, although he was being earnest in his apology. You couldn’t place what was wrong with him, what happened to him in the last couple of days, and it worried you, doubt eating at you mercilessly.

“I’m sorry for bringing up the fact you left. It was unfair of me.”

“Friends?” You smiled a little, still unconvinced that the situation was resolved, but cooing to yourself quietly when his hand caressed your cheek in the way that made you melt into him.

“Friends.”

Gideon stood behind as everyone was flying peacefully above the forest. He watched them all attentively, all of them, trying to think of everything he knew about them, everything he could use. He needed to figure out weaknesses, possible liabilities. He needed a plan to find you, talk to you on your own. He needed to know all the things he’s missed, needed you to know he would do anything in his power to protect you. This time, at least, he’d make sure he wasn’t too late. His mind flooded uncontrollably with images of his first daughter, Sarah, and how hard she had fought that cancer, how tiny she was, how he wasn’t even there when she died. He gave up everything, his integrity, and power, and life, his future, his family, his peace of mind, to come here and be paid the money that would save her life, but it was too late. It haunted him at night, the knowledge that she died alone. That her own dad wasn’t there to hold her as she gave her last breath. Further guilt brought shame deep in his soul as he realised he also abandoned you - willingly or not, you had to grow up alone. You were alone since you were ten, Spider mentioned, orphaned as a child. You were surrounded by Jake Sully’s kids, so he was hopeful that your life didn’t turn out as miserable as his nightmares painted it. You looked protective over them, they all thought you were all siblings. You had a family, one that he had no part in. It hurt him, the thought, it killed him like poison daggers, slowly, agonisingly. He hoped he could still see you, at least once. Could at least hear your voice, look into your eyes and apologise for all the mistake that lead to this, for all the time he has not loved and protected you the way he should have. 

“Boss, long range patrol picked up a radar hit. A rogue gunship.”

“Where?”

“Eastern Sea, 400 klicks North.” 

Turns out he was gonna get to see you sooner than he thought, and turns out he wouldn’t be alone. Fuck. 

Everybody was really happy that Kiri was awake, except herself, it seemed. Neteyam noted with concern that she ate much less that she normally did, and didn’t want to come swimming with everyone else, which used to be her favourite thing to do in this village. It was early morning when the whole Sully family was up and about, most of them already gone. Later in the day, you would go deepwater hunting and scavenging with the rest of the Metkayina, but for now, you had a free morning. Neteyam peered over at you, hunched over the fire, chatting with Kiri and preparing food for her, determined to get her to eat. You sensed his eyes on you, as you always did, and you looked up, eyebrows raised in the direction of the exit. As Kiri was absentmindedly turned around, in her own little world, you signed to him in the language you now knew fluently. Go. I want to chat to her. Go find your brother. He needs you. 

He did as he was told, walking through the village saying hello to all the people he has come to know in the past couple of months. The Metkayina were nice, he concluded. A little strange, but good, kind people once they got past his family’s… unique circumstances. It helped, he thought, that his dad was Toruk Makto, and he saw every day how people treated him almost like a deity, like a king among men. It was hard to think of his dad that way - he’s heard the stories, he’s seen the outcome of his war with the Aliens, he met other clans who he brought together during the time of Great Sorrow, but to him, he was just his dad. A little rough around the edges sometimes, particularly since the RDA came back, but still, just his dad, that used to carry him places and make him fly in his arms as a child, who carved wooden toys for them and taught him how to use a bow in a river near the village. 

He found Lo’ak on the beach, deep in thought as he looked somewhere in the distance. Neteyam traced his brother’s gaze to a few girls, having fun in the water, enjoying the sunny day. He smirked when he saw the girl that seemed to take most of his baby brother’s attention recently. A four-fingered hand on Lo’ak shoulder startled him, and the oldest Sully laughed a little at how focused the boy must have been on Tsireya to not even notice his brother approaching at all. 

“Bro, you scared the shit out of me.” 

“I can see. Poor Tsireya’s ears are going to flame up with the amount you are staring at her.”

Lo’ak’s own ears turned purple and twitched in chagrin. Neteyam took a seat next to his brother. 

“Lo’ak, I wanted to apologise.” 

That got his baby brother’s attention, who rose an eyebrow expectantly. You and Lo’ak and your fucking eyebrows. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you that Payakan is good. And that I got jealous after you left.” 

“You got jealous? Why?” 

“Because she followed you. Because you got to stay, a whole year I couldn’t. Because you were there to watch her grow up, look after her when I wasn’t. Because your presence in her life was always positive and filled with laughter and human things I can’t understand, but you seem to, things you like. I think I’ve held a grudge for a long time, and I shouldn’t have. Because it wasn’t your fault. And I am grateful you were there for her, and that she had you. You have a connection with her I never will, and while it pained me watching you give her the Avatar, ask her to be your mate, none of it was on you, and I shouldn’t have let it come between us. I am sorry, Ma’tsmukan (brother).”

Lo’ak was speechless and Neteyam revelled a little at the sight, which was as rare as a new Toruk Makto. He should have done this a long time ago. There were plenty more things Neteyam had to apologise to his baby brother for, but he didn’t want to overwhelm his already disheveled demeanour. 

“Bro, you’re going to make me emotional in front of the girl I like.” Neteyam laughed a little and opened his arms for his brother, who more than happily closed the gap and hugged him, just like they did when they were young. 

They lay on the soft sand, bathing in the warm sun rays that provided a welcome respite from the constant state of moisture they usually found themselves in. 

“Neteyam…?”

“Mmm?” 

“How did you know?…”

Neteyam propped himself up on his elbows to look at his brother, that was sitting again, staring again. 

“How did you know you were in love? 

It was Neteyam’s turn to be speechless. In love? He knew Lo’ak had a crush, but didn’t realise how deep it ran. He thought about it for a long while, mind wandering to you, to your currently messy situation.

“Hmm… that’s a heavy question, brother. It might be a little different for me than for you. You see, I have loved her my whole life. Loving her has always been as easy as the air I breathed - as necessary, too. I don’t actually know the moment I fell in love with her, because it was not sudden. Back when we were younger, every once in a while, she would say something, or look at me a certain way, and my breath hitched in my throat… she’d laugh or smile up and her eyes gleamed in a way I only saw the night stars do, and my mind went blank. But over time, it happened more and more, until one day every touch, every glance, every moment gave me the same sensation, until I couldn’t be around her without turning into a mess of musings and feelings. There was one moment, the first moment, when I remember thinking ‘Shit, I am in love with her, what I am going to do?’. I think we were about 16 at the time, and I had sneaked out of our tent to go spend the night with her. We used to do this a lot, but that night, she fell asleep earlier than she normally does, and she fell asleep on my chest. I could feel her ribcage go up and down every time she took a breath. I think she had a cold, because her nose was blocked and she was snoring a little, and I just watched her. And I had never been happier, than in that moment, just holding her in my arms, and feeling her sleeping on me… and then she said my name. She was dreaming, and she said my name. And it was with love, with yearning, and my whole heart just stopped. And I knew then, that I could no longer hide, I could no longer pretend that what I felt for her was anything less than everything. That I would give her everything I have, that I am, for as long as there is still breath in my lungs.” 

“Lo’ak, when you are in love, you will know. And if you are, then I am happy for you, little brother. Because despite the hurt, and the pain and the fights, there is no better feeling in the world. And if she’s the one, then she’s lucky to have someone like you.” 

You finish grilling some fresh fish on the fire pit in your Marui to feed Kiri, and if you could actually get her to eat it, you were going to celebrate. You couldn’t blame her, having been in her position one too many times. In fact, if anyone could understand what she was going through, it was you. 

“Please talk to me? I know you may not want to, but it’s me… you used to tell me everything. And whatever it is, we can work through it together. We always have, no? It’s always been you and me, the two girls with scientist human mothers and no dads? The two girls who used to watch endless hours of video logs and read through encyclopaedias, the girls who used to theorise about who our dads were, what they liked, what traits we got from them? I’m still the same person… just a little bluer, and a little taller, but still me.”

“I saw my mum… you know? The same way you did.”

Your mouth fell agape, but you tried to focus on being calm, so as to not startle her into silence once again.

“Did she say anything?”

“We hugged… it was so nice. It felt like home. We were back in the forest. I asked… I asked her why am I different. I asked her who my father was. But she didn’t answer. She was just taken from me, pulled from my arms and into the abyss. That’s all I remember.” Her eyes were leaking soft tears, and you went to her side and hugged her. She reciprocated, holding you close. “It was so scary…” 

“I know… I’m sorry.” 

“You said you had a whole conversation with your mother. Why did the Great Mother not allow me to do the same?”

You thought about it for a second, needing to choose your words carefully. 

“I think the Great Mother is very careful as to what escapes her, because the knowledge that our ancestors, the people who have reached that plane have is beyond us. It’s beyond what we’re supposed to know. I think when Grace was about to share something that could potentially change the course of your life, your future, Eywa stopped her. Because I don’t think we’re supposed to know, we are supposed to live our lives with no outside interference.”

“But what could she have told me about my dad that was so dangerous, so monumental that Eywa had to stop it?” 

You bit the inside of you lip aggressively and wondered if the Great Mother would strike you down if you opened your mouth in that moment. To be fair, all you had were theories, so maybe you should keep them to yourself. 

“I don’t know, Kiri… All I know is that you are special. And that’s something to be celebrated, not hidden.” 

A couple of hours later, you were ready to go diving, and a smile broke through as you watched Neteyam and Lo’ak walk back to your tent, laughing and pushing each other playfully. It was good to see them together again, it was good to see them be brothers again, like they used to be when you were all young. Neteyam’s face split in a dazzling smile, that took your breath away, when he spotted you, and your heartbeat rose as you took him in, those beaded braids flinging from side to side, his imposing yet boyish walk that you found so attractive, those piercing eyes and that beautiful smile, all there to make your tail swish furiously, a dead giveaway for your emotions. He didn’t say anything as he approached you, but took your face in his hands and kissed you, like nobody was there or watching, like the whole world was a mere void around you, like it was the first time. You were surprised and a little shy, knowing Lo’ak and Kiri were right there, but you reciprocated, melting into him, as you always did, and appreciating the very rare public display of affection. You were dizzy when he let you go, pressing his lips to yours gently one more time, and you laughed at the peculiarity of the act. 

“What was that for?” 

“I just really really love you. And I am very grateful to have you. And sometimes I feel I take for granted what we have, this meteor-strike, one-of-a-kind love that somehow beat all odds. I forget how you have been the only constant in my whole life, how you are the only one I have ever seen, in this whole world. I let frustrations get the best of me, and I am bad at communicating, and I am so so sorry.”

You looked at him incredulously, and then at Lo’ak. “What did you do to my mate?”

“Nothing, Angel. He got there all on his own, if you can believe that.”

You had no answer to that, as a loud horn was met with excited yelps and scream from all around you in the marui adjacent to yours. I think, whatever this was, it was safe to assume the deep water scavenging was cancelled. 

You saw Tsireya on her ilu, waving her hand with a big smile on her face, as every villager around her dove in and got on their own. 

“The tulkun have returned! Everybody, our brothers and sisters have returned!” 

You eyes locked with Neteyam’s, and a wave of enthusiasm washed over you, and you took his hand and called one of your new little aquatic friends, wishing secretly it was Neyn instead, so you could share this moment with her. You both got in the water and on top of the same ilu, hurrying towards the spot everyone else was. You felt his hand slide up your thigh to hold you better in place, and as you wrapped your arms around his abdomen and placed your hands flush against his abs, you knew you had more than one thing to celebrate tonight.

The return of the tulkun was a spectacle few words can do justice. The mammoth beings played and breached and barrel rolled in the water, and you watched as their Metkayina brothers and sisters joined them, talking and catching up, sharing secrets and anecdotes gathered in their time apart. Both you and your mate were in awe at the events unfolding all around you, smiling from ear to ear and holding your hands tightly together. This was love, and you knew it too well, you felt it around you and within you, you felt it in him.

This amazing rare encounter marked a time for celebration among the tribe, and festivities would be underway soon and last for a couple of days. Tsireya said it is the best time of the year, with dancing, and singing and communal dinners and communion with Eywa to give thanks for the safe return of their spiritual brothers and sisters. 

It was everything she promised and more, and once again you found yourself reminded of the beautiful customs of the Omatikaya, and how much all the celebrations nuzzled their way deep into your heart, to never be forgotten, to always be yearned for. It was unlike anything else, the feeling of community as you all danced together, girls courting their prospective mates, boys watching entranced at the beauty and grace of it all. The drums that beat in sync with your heart, and how your voice filled the void with music from your home planet that the people accepted and encouraged, and then later on, began joining in for. You wondered if these would also start feeling the same in time, the more the forest began feeling like a long forgotten dream.

You and Neteyam slipped by unnoticed in the midst of the seemingly unending celebration. You were chuckling as he was chasing you, tugging playfully at your tail and soon enough, you reached a deserted plot of land, hidden behind some shrubbery. You laid down on the hard surface of a big flat rock, and you both sighed as you positioned your head on his chest, listening to his rhythmic heartbeat and settling breath. You had your fights, and being with him was frustrating sometimes, as you were sure it was for him too, but damn, nothing in the world could ever measure up to this feeling. The feeling of his hand slowly caressing your bare back was sending shivers down your spine, and you raised a leg on top of his, getting closer to being so intertwined no would would be able to untangle you. He turned his body to the side, facing you now, and smiled softly at you, a look of melancholy pushing his eyebrows together. You brought your hand to his forehead and smoothed it out, caressing his cheek when you were done, action met with a quiet, low purr.

“Atan… I need you, so much.” 

You kissed him, slowly at first, but as desire quickly overcame your senses, you were putty in the kiss, giving in to him as he deepened it, rolling you both until he was on top of you, one leg in between your own. 

Neteyam moaned, overwhelmed as his consciousness was flooded by your scent, your taste, your body. His mind was in shambles as it was trying to understand the intensity of all the emotions coursing through his veins, from the arousal and need for you, to the formidable love his heart was barely able to contain in his chest, to the fear and confusion of the vision of you he was met with at the spirit tree and finally the deep seeded hurt at the unresolved conflicts still plaguing you both, still plaguing his dreams, feeding his insecurities. 

As you were hurriedly tugging at his loincloth, trying to untie it without breaking the kiss, one emotion won by a landslide. His cock sprung free as you finally succeeded, slapping messily on your abdomen. Neteyam bent the leg that was in between yours, until it reached your core, and he felt a patch of wetness stain your cloth. You couldn’t help grinding on his leg, and the sight of you writhing underneath him, trying to get yourself off on him drove him mad. Whatever ounce of self-restraint went straight out the window, and he ripped your clothes swiftly away, plunging two digits into your wet core, twitching at your whimpering noises. 

“I need you. Fuck, I need you so bad, Atan.”

You reached for your queue, begging to feel him, for some reassurance that you, what you had was alright, that despite all the mess you both made of each other, he was still him, and you were still you, forever intertwined, forever one. He looked at you, slight panic displayed all over his features, but eventually he brings his forth and the connection makes you knees wobbly and your mind fuzzy. It pains you, feeling him, feeling all the contradicting emotions taking over his soul, feelings the hurt and pain, the dread and affection, need and yearning, and trying to make sense of them all. What was on his mind? What could possibly be plaguing him to such an unnerving extent? It couldn’t all come from the past couple days, could it? You hoped your emotions would put his at ease, at least a little. Sure, you were a little upset, and somewhat worried for him, but that always paled in comparison to the ever-growing love and desire that nested deep in you, that started years ago, that will never falter. 

You looked at his face, furrowed and pained, and you brought your hand up, caressing it slowly.

“Neteyam… what is wrong?” 

He kissed you, forcefully, taking your jaw and holding you in one place, and you were scared of him, for him, you weren’t sure. 

“Hey… stop.” 

You pushed him away and he rolled over with a frustrated growl. You straddled him and lowered your body until you were face to face. “What is eating at you, Yawne (beloved)?” 

He brought an arm over his face, shielding his eyes from you. You waited, knowing better than to push him. Eventually he removed his arm and you saw tears falling down the side of his face and onto the ground. Your heart broke at the sight, at the sight of your mate who was going through something you couldn’t understand, that he didn’t share with you.

“I feel like I’m losing you, like I’m going to lose you.” 

The feelings of confusion and fear were perfectly clear on your face that was contorting to accommodate the emotions electrifying your being, but you tried your best to remain calm, as to not hurt him further. 

“Neteyam… why would you say that? What happened at the Spirit Tree?” 

You were met with silence, deep, unsettling silence, that rang more painfully in your ears than all the music that has been loudly enveloping the village for hours at this point. 

“Hey, look at me. Look at me.” Eventually he did as he was told, and with blow after blow, you felt exhausted at his despairing look, that was mirroring the deep-seeded sadness in his soul, that you could feel through your still-intact bond.

You took his hands by the wrists and directed them to your body, on both sides of your abdomen. 

“I’m here.” 

You kissed him, softly and intensely, pouring your whole heart in it. 

“I’m here.” 

You took him, his whole impressive length in your hands and started pumping him, slowly, firmly, until he was moaning loudly beneath you.

“I’m not going anywhere. Ever again. Let me show you, that I am here, that I love you, that whatever this is, we will work through it, like we always do.” 

You never got to do this - be in control. You never felt the need for it, you loved being his, being owned, wholly and completely, but you needed this now, he needed this now. 

You continued pumping him and his look - parted lips, flushed cheeks, eyes tightly shot, ears pushed back, quick breaths and heart racing - drove you wild and the power you felt made liquid pool as you started grinding on him, looking for your own release. It felt good - too good, and sensing his worries melt away slowly only intensified it, and without being able to withstand it any longer, you got up and lined his cock to your sopping entrance and lowered yourself on him slowly, feeling every inch of him, allowing him to do the same. You both moaned in unison, and he got up, aligning your faces, looking deep into your eyes as you bottomed out, wobbly at how deep in you he was, at the maddening stretch that was almost too much to bear. 

“I’m here. Do you feel this, feel me? Do you feel what you do to me, how you make me feel? I love you, I will always love you, it’s just you and me. Just you and me, forever.” 

“Forever?”

You smiled and threw you head back, overwhelmed by all the sensations you were experiencing. 

“Forever.” 

You moaned, eyes tightly shut, hair tickling your lower back, that he grabbed and pulled on. You started moving, an agonising pace that didn’t last long as he grabbed your hips forcefully and lifted you off his dick and back on it, over and over, over and over, a ruthless back and forth that made you mewl and whimper, hysterical over how good it felt, how you knew this orgasm was going to rush over you like volcanic fire, leaving nothing in its wake but the ash of your trembling body. He knew you were close when you squeezed around him, and he increased the pace at which he was rutting upwards into you, animalistic desire overtaking his every conscious thought. 

“I need you to come in me. I need to feel you in me, feel you filling me up, please.” 

You were barely coherent, but he understood you amongst the moans and pleasured cries.

“Come for me, Atan. Let me feel you.”

You did just as you were told, as you always did - his words holding such power over you, and you felt your orgasm prolonging as thick spurts of his cum shot into you, filling you up and sliding down your ass. It was a holy experience, this feeling, this time with him, unlike anything else you have ever experienced, and you were happy to make out only positive emotions in his mind for now. You didn’t want to move, didn’t want this to end, and you stood like this, looking in each other’s eyes, kissing softly, filled to the brim, just like you loved to be. 

You came back from your outing and left for the tent, spent and in need of respite. You left Neteyam with his family, and you were surprised to see little Tuk still up. She got on her feet when she saw you and jumped in your arms, which you were happy about, having felt a little disconnected from her recently. 

“Hi, cutie, what are you still doing up?” 

“I cannot sleep when everybody is away. I want to be dancing, too!” 

“Oh, sweetie, you danced all night! It’s past your bedtime, you need to sleep a lot so you can get stronger. You want to be strong like your mummy and daddy, no?”

“I want to be strong like you!”

You let out a small cry at the words, a mantle of surprise engulfing you like a shroud. You needed this, you realise, needed her, needed to know you were still loved, you still had a family that would choose you, despite your many shortcomings, despite being different, despite being nothing new.

“I’m not that strong, baby. I need you to be stronger than me.” 

Tuk crossed her arms around her chest in a defying motion, shaking her head furiously, a small pout gracing her beautiful features. 

“No. You are strong. The strongest. You are smart, and kind and good with a bow, and a gun. You stand up to daddy even when Lo’ak and Neteyam don’t, and you’re the best ikran rider in the village!” 

You laughed loudly at her unbridled praise, and found it funny how unreliable of a judge she was, but appreciative and grateful to know how she saw you, in spite of all your insecurities. 

“Don’t say that in front of Neteyam!”

“So you don’t love Tsireya more than me?” 

She gasped and circled your neck in a tight hug. 

“Never. You’re my second mummy, you always will be.”

“That’s good to hear, baby.”

“Can you sing me to sleep?”

“Of course. Come on, scooch in.” Tuk made a temporary home in your lap, head propped in a comfortable position and legs sprawled all over her woven sleeping mat. You removed her hair out of her face and continued caressing her forehead in a calming motion, the same way your mum used to do for you when you were her age. You remembered a song from a movie you loved from back then, and you decided you needed to show it to Tuk one day, but for now, your singing would have to do.

Where the North wind meets the sea, there's a river full of memory

Sleep, my darling, safe and sound, for in this river, all is found

Yes, she will sing to those who'll hear, and in her song, all magic flows

But can you brave what you most fear, can you face what the river knows?

Come, my darling, homeward bound

When all is lost, then all is found

Gideon stood and watched as Quaritch was burning yet another village in his quest to find Jake Sully. He was sick to his stomach at the damage this was doing to these innocent people. Gideon had no problem with murder. He had no problem with intimidation, or hurting people, but at least back on Earth, it was to protect his country. It was against people who were a threat to the security of everyone who lived in it, a potential threat to his family, to his daughter. He could justify it, the atrocious acts, and it would help him sleep at night. But this, all the things he has done since coming to Pandora, no matter how badly he knew he did it to save his daughter, that he had no choice, it still haunted him, giving him nightmare after nightmare he would never outlive. 

“IT’S TORUK MAKTO! HAS HE BEEN HERE?” He winced as the rest of the crew was tasing villagers, as Quaritch pulled roughly on the queue of the Olo’eyktan, that he now knew how painful and connected to the rest of his being it was. He didn’t say anything - he couldn’t. Any intervention would be a risk he couldn’t take, not when his plan would warrant him instant death, not when he was so close to seeing you, to meeting you. 

Quaritch came close to him and pulled him to the side. 

“This shit ain’t working.”

“No,” Gideon said. “They’re stone-walling us.”

“If we turn up the heat, he’s just gonna keep running. We got to draw him out.” 

Gideon looked back from Ikran at the burning village, and felt his own self-hatred eat at him, like a parasite, like a virus that would kill him slowly, driven mad by his inaction, by the feeling is his gut that what he was doing was just as bad, if not worse. The Recoms reached the ship that has been doubling as a home for a while, while they navigated the Eastern Sea and this seemingly never-ending archipelago. Scoresby, the captain of this ship and a grade A asshole was waiting on the deck of the ship, a furious look on his face. 

“I’m over it. I’ve got quotas to meet.” 

“You want to hunt? Let��s hunt.”

Everyone turned, shocked at the words coming out the colonel’s mouth. Even Scoresby, that psycho, couldn’t believe his ears. 

“What? Here? Not here, there’s too many villages.”

“No, no no no.” the scientist, Dr. Ian Garvin interrupted, then hated himself for it, as dread clearly filled his eyes looking at the 10 foot tall solider in front of him. Gideon felt for the man, with whom he had a little more in common than he was willing to admit. A broken man, an alcoholic who came to Pandora with dreams and good intentions, his love for the planet and the science fueling his fire, a fire which was promptly snuffed out when he realised the never-ending depths of the depravity that surrounded this whole company that he was now working for. A marine biologist who had to watch as the beings he adulated were murdered brutally in front of him for profit, and he watched, like a coward, like Gideon. 

“Respectfully, sir, you do not understand the kinship bonds between the Tulkun and the Ocean Na’vi. It would be like murdering a member of their family.”

“If we start hunting here, the hostiles will come after us.”

“Exactly. One hostile in particular.”

Gideon prayed Jake Sully was smarter than to fall for this, and he prayed for whatever little remained of his soul after this whole endeavour. 

You woke up the next day sandwiched between your mate, who was snug behind you, snoring lightly in your ear, leg in between yours, and Tuk, whom you were keeping close to you, and whose hands you have been holding all night. You felt content, even despite the craziness of the past couple of days, and grateful for the people you were sharing a tent with. Things finally seemed to be looking up, you thought, as your swimming improved, and your relationship with Lo’ak mended, and your insecurities about Kiri and Tuk melted away a little. You were worried about Neteyam, but you hoped he would open up about whatever was eating at him soon, and you hoped you eased his mind a little last night. 

You had a pleasant family day, laughing and chatting idly by the fire, enjoying the calming sounds of the rain falling all around you and hitting the water right outside your home. It was a short-lived comfort, however, as Tonowari towered at the entrance, dark haunted look marring his features. You all quieted taking him in, and your mum and dad, as well as you and Neteyam went to check on whatever it was that made him this way. 

You were barely holding in tears as you neared the dreaded sight, the dead tulkun and her calf, both of them floating aimlessly, held up by orange floating bags with the RDA logo on it. You felt yourself hanging on tighter to your mate, squeezing your arms around his abdomen and letting out quiet sobs that were drowned out by Ronal’s. You watched as she dismounted her Tsurak and approached the departed pair, climbing so she could look in its now empty eyes. You look to your left at Jake and Neytiri, who had similar expressions to yours, and reached your hand for Neytiri’s, who squeezed it, both needing the comfort and the feeling of companionship in these trying times. 

Pained wails escaped Ronal’s mouth as she took in the dead calf accompanying the mother. 

“Her name is Ro’a.”

“She was my spirit sister. She was a composer of songs - much revered. We would sing together. She waited many breeding cycles to have this calf. The clan was so happy for her. What is this, Tonowari?”

“WHAT IS THIS?” 

“What is this?” Tonowari barked. “Why is she marked?” 

You were confused, but tapped Neteyam on the shoulder to take the ilu to where the chieftain was. 

“It is probably just a way to distinguish them. A cruel way, but that’s humanity for you.” 

You finally reached the other side of the tulkun, and looked at what everybody was appalled at. There was big, red, blinking rod, impaled deeply in her skin. Next to it, there was writing on the underside of the fin, carved with a knife. It was red, from the dry blood that spilled as it was drawn, and scarred slightly, meaning it wasn’t fresh. There wasn’t a lot of blood, or any drippings as gravity pushed it down, so you concluded it was done after the tulkun was killed. 

“Can you understand it?” Ronal said in a scathing voice, more a snarl than actual words.

“No, it’s not English.”

You looked at it, and stupor overcame you, but you tried your best to maintain your composure. Breathe… breathe… breathe.

To Jake this might mean nothing, but to you it did. It was a language you didn’t know well, but you knew enough to understand. Your mum taught you some of it when you were a baby, telling you it was the language her and your dad spoke to each other when they wanted to not be heard, when they wanted something for themselves. 

“Tonight. Midnight. 

10 km E of village, deserted island. 

Come alone.”

“Kid, can you understand it? You’re the smartest one here.” 

“No, Jake, I can’t. Sorry.”

Taglist (thank you ily x) @changing7 @erenjaegerwifee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @winchestertitties @puffb4ll @rebeccao03 @ultimatebluff @cottoncandy23 @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @n3t3y4msm4t3 @loquatious-josephi-krakousky @eternallyvenus @fresh-new-yoik-watah @lu-the-ghost-reader @@miawastakens @mm0thie @fanboyluvr

[silent-raven13]

Where did you get that tattoo, luv?

Hobie relaxed on his bed playing his guitar enjoying making a song for his band. When his best friends, Karl and Riri aren't fighting nazis, and fascist assholes, they go to their underground concerts. It's the best way to fully enjoy the "punk" experience. Whatever that means? It's the best way to enjoy freedom and expression from this bullshit world.

Then his Spicer Society Smartphone ding, he took the specially made phone t to look at it. There's a message from Gwen.

Spder So-City Messages

Gwendy: Hey, you wanna hang out with me and Pav?

Hobs: Sure. What are we gonna do?

Gwendy: Hmm 🤔 Not sure! I'm thinking we can hang out in my world then maybe meet up with Miles... if he's not busy.

Hobie: Oh! I need to check up on him.

Gwendy: Alright. Ask him if he's down to hang out later!

Hobie quickly went on his contacts seeing the first person to pop up, his Sunflower.

Hobie: Hello, luv. Wyd?"

Sunflower💖: Heyy bae!

Sunflower💖: I'm spending the day with Ganke, we're going to Anime Con! ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰

Hobie pouts, his jealousy is getting the best of hi again. It's not that he has an issue with Ganke, the problem is everyone thinks those two are a couple instead of HIM and Miles. It's always bother him when he sees those two together and random people make positive comments about them.

Oh, you two look so cute together.

OMG, ya'll make a perfect pair.

Awe, ya'll so fierce together!

Can I say ya'll look so gooood together!

There's no words to express how upset Hobie gets when he hears their fucking comments. It's annoying, bothersome, and- DAMN, his jealous couldn't handle it.

What's worst, when he bud in those conversation, the random person would look in shock for the moment. They seem a bit disappointed to find out Miles isn't dating Ganke! What. The. Fuck!

It seems that Miles' best friend is more liked, because he's a handsome fellow. Hobie never felt insecure about his looks before, nor did he care about how others see him, but seeing the love of his life being praised with another man just boils his blood.

For now, he wants his Miles to enjoy themselves.

Hobie: Alright, luv. Have fun 💖 Later, do you want to hang out with me, and the gang?🥹

Sunflower💖: Sure! ☺️ How does 7pm works?

Hobie: Perfect! 🥰

Sunflower💖: Love u! 😘

Hobie: 🥰 Luv u 2!

Hobie left it at that, he got up from the bed to change. When he went to Gwen's world to hang out with her and Pav, he saw them busy on their Smartphone. "Hey, Hobs! Glad you can make it! What's the word with Miles?" Gwen asked being happy to see her punker friend.

"He's free around 7pm. So, what's the plan?" Hobie asked, having one hand in his jeans.

The three were wearing their Spidey suit underneath their basic clothing. Luckily for Gwen, her spider-woman suit is mostly black around her legs, so she wears a casual shirt and jacket with her blue converse. It's an easy fit for her. Hobie always dressed in his punk outfits entwine with his spider-man suit. For Pav, he wore a colorful pink overalls having one strap unlatched for the asymmetrical look and underneath is bright yellow long sleeve shirt.

"I'm thinking we try the escape room! Then, maybe go look at this Hello Kitty store Pav been wanting to go and try this vegan burrito place. They use walnut meat and cashew sour cream!" Gwen explained the plan.

"Hello Kitty?" Hobie asked, looking at Pav.

"She's cute! And i was hoping to look at their designs of Cinnamoroll! In my world, that cute bunny has gold and white colors!" Pav explained.

"Have you ask Miles if he's down to hang out later?" Gwen asked Hobie.

"Yeah, he's busy with Ganke..." He grunts with a slight eyeroll.

The two glanced at each other knowing Hobie is jealous of Ganke for being closed with Miles. Not only that, when Miles was single, he and Ganke would always pretended to be boyfriends to avoid any strangers from asking them out.

They got so used to it they forget they're friends at times. One time, Miles kissed Ganke at a party so casually and his friend wasn't shock instead he wrapped his arm around Miles' waist like it they were a couple. Talk about being super platonic with your best friend. What was worst? Hobie was at that party watching the whole thing, granted he wasn't with Miles, but that didn't stop him from being upset about it. The poor punker got so drunk, he broke down in tear in front of Gwen and Pav. It was an emotional roller coaster!

"Oh they went to that Anime convention? I think I saw a photo of them dressing up together." Pav took out his Smartphone to look through his Spder So-City app to find the picture, "I think they were doing One Piece this time!"

"Right, I remember last year they did Boku no Hero Academia." Gwen said out loud, "Miles was this green guy called... Dino?"

"Deku." Pav corrected. "And Ganke dressed up Eraser Head."

"Who?" Gwen asked, "Sorry, I don't know much on this stuff... only Sailor Moon!"

"Really? I thought you watch anime!" Pav spoke out loud being confused. "You were saying yes to Miles when he brings up certain episodes!"

"I lied... I forget about the shows he mentions. He watches so much with Ganke, and he recommends anime shows with hundred plus episodes! I can only handle twelve episodes!"

"But Sailor Moon has a lot of episodes?"

"Okay, I watch Sailor Moon as a kid, and some episodes here and there. I didn't see the whole thing." Gwen gave a sheepish grin at Pav.

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I'M THE ONLY ONE WATCHING WHAT MILES RECOMMENDED?" The wavy haired nineteen year old shouted out while having his smartphone in his hand.

"Yyyu-uh-up!" The blond twenty year old nodded with a weak smile.

"I don't even know any of this stuff you mates are talking about. I know, One Piece, Samurai Champloo, and Demon Slayer..."

"It's because you go to his place and sees him watching those?" Pav asked having to eye on his punker friend. Hobie never seems to like watching television during his free time, so he would watch with whoever is watching.

"Yea, Sunflower always watch the telly." He answered, "At first, I didn't care about One Piece, and got a bit confused about it- but after a few episodes I get it."

"Anime." Pav corrected, "You don't want the fans to curse you out! And it is the best! In my world, the anime is a bit different, but the color schemes!" He check his phone, "Oh, Miles is Zoro and Ganke is Luffy."

He shows them the photo of Miles in a the first Zoro outfit with the bandana tied on his upper left arm, and holding three fake swords. Then Ganke dressed up as Luffy's outfit with a painted red X on his fitted chest.

"Damn, Ganke got jacked up!" Gwen's eyes widen, she didn't remember Miles' friend to be so muscular.

Hobie's eyes were fixated on how Miles and Ganke were giving a big side hug, with their smiles on their faces. It bothers him. The description on Miles' photo said 'My Captain! 🫡' Did Miles really had to write that?

"Dude, I know. I never thought his friend would be sooo.... hot?" Pav admits, then cover his mouth slowly turning an annoyed Hobie, "Sorry, Hobie. I didn't mean it like that!" Then his brown eyes went back on screen looking at Ganke's abs.

"Pav, your drooling..." Gwen giggles having to nudge her friend's sides. "Careful before Gayatri finds out your window shopping."

"No, I was just admiring his straw hat!" Pav hides his blush.

"Let's go." The punker mutters having to kicking a random can from the roof. The other two stood quiet having to bite their tongue from their jealous punker. It's not good when he get one of those moods.

So when they spend their times hanging out in Gwen's world, Hobie was mostly being gloomy, or stare off to distance. During the escape room, Hobie was busy on his smartphone looking at photos of his Sunflower with Ganke.

One photo of them taking a pose with other people, which wasn't too bad. But the next slide was a video of Miles recording himself with Ganke behind him sticking his tongue out.

"At Anime NYC!" Miles said making a peace sign while walking with Ganke.

"Oh my gawd, can we get a photo you two looks so good together!" A young woman cosplay as Kiki from Kiki Delivery Service, then another groups dressed up as Naruto characters, and Attack on Titan cosplayers and so on.

"OMG are you two a couple!"

"Yeah, you two look so perfect as ZoLu!"

"Yeah! You guys look so cute together!"

Hobie's spider-man strength crack his Smart-phone screen being too damn jealous. "Grr..." He growls lowly as he watch his boyfriend nervously laughing it off while Ganke arms around his neck. The disrespect!

"Uhhh, Hobs... you can't use your phone in here." Gwen said slowly seeing the punker not caring about the rules.

Pav being busy solving a puzzle, "Gwen! Hobie! Help me! I'm so confused with this family tree! Jessica's is the step-mother of the granddaughter Sally and twin of Martha, but-but who is she to John, the owner of the house!" He got all panicked and confused by this difficult puzzle.

"Hobie, come on! We're supposed to have fun." Gwen said with a sigh, "Are you really getting jealous over Ganke, again?" She went to help Pav with the puzzle.

Hobie scowls shoving his phone back in his pocket, "Gwendy, you don't understand! They get too close." He quickly solve the puzzle, "And Johnie boy is Jessica's uncle! Why is it everyone sees them as a couple, but if it's me? They look surprised!" A random door open having Pav to go in to solve the next puzzle.

"Well, it's because you and Miles are different from styles and personalities!" Pav pointed out, "Look at you being tall, wearing all black and spikes. Then you got sunshine Miles wearing Jordans and gym wear looking like athlete. Ganke dresses like him or a bit preppy, but they fit together."

"And they are comfortable being with each other, they dorm together four like four years." Gwen pointed out. "Make sense they are so used to each other." Gwen was able to solve the puzzle in the other room along with Pav.

Hobie growls lowly, "And what about me? I know, him the same amount of time. Yet, people look at us as if we're just friends! It's fucking annoying!" Then his phone ding when Miles Spder So-City gets a new post. He was about to check when Gwen stops him.

"Dude, can we finish this first then you can be on your phone?

Hobie sighs, leaving his phone in his pocket. "Fine." Gwen and Pav tries to make his mood as they finished up the escape room. They ended up winning with five minutes left.

After the game, they went to the Hello Kitty store Pav wanted to go, and he ended up buying a big Cinnamoroll. Hobie was on his phone looking at pictures of Miles and Ganke eating ramen and sushi, then photos of them sharing each other food from their chopsticks.

The next slide it was a quick video.

"How does that taste?" Miles asked letting Ganke take a bite of his sushi from his chopsticks.

"It's good. Wanna try my ramen?" Ganke fed his best friend with his spoon filled with ramen .

"Sure!" Miles took the spoon in his mouth and smiles, "Mmm, so good." He happily eats, "I should've order that."

"Wanna switch?"

"Sure! You liked my sushi more, huh?"

"Yeah." Ganke chuckles as they switch their foods. The people in the background awed at them being cute.

Even the waiter said, "You guys are so cute being together. I'm rooting for your relationship!" The two only look at her with an awkward smile.

Hobie bites his bottom lip being very upset. "Count to ten, Hobie. It's just them enjoying themselves to eat." Pav peaks, "That's cute they share their food." He hugs his big stuffed Cinnamoroll being overjoy with his purchased.

"Sharing food from each other spoons and chopsticks is normal with best friends?" Hobie snapped at Pav already annoyed.

"Hobies, chill. Just talk to Miles about how you don't like how touchy feeling him and Ganke are." Gwen said having to pat her wavy haired friend, "Don't take it out on us, sheesh."

"Sorry, mate." Hobie said to Pav, he shoves his phone back into his pocket, "I'm just on edge."

"Hobie, it's okay. I know how much you care about Miles." Pav smiles at him not being bothered by Hobie's attitude. The three continue their hang out until it was time to meet up with Miles.

They were inside the Vegan burger joint since Gwen wanted to try it. Hobie's eyes on the main entrance, then Miles came in wearing a different outfit. His dark eyes soften when his Sunflower smiles at him, then he noticed a bandage on his left arm.

"Hey bae!" Miles went up to his boyfriend to kiss him.

"Luv, what happen to you?" Hobie asked being concerned by his arm then noticed something, "You got another tattoo?"

"Yeah, I did! You didn't see my So-City post?" His boyfriend saw Gwen and Pav, "Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I had to change out of my costume and take Ganke home."

"Luv, when did you get a tattoo?" Hobie asked being a bit surprised.

Miles smiles happily, "Me and Ganke got matching tattoos together. It's our friendship anniversary today, so we wanted to do something together!" Unaware of the dark jealous look from Hobie.

"What? No way, what kind did you two get?" Pav asked being in shock.

"Matching tattoos? Isn't that what couples do? Ain't that a curse?" Gwen glanced over seeing Hobie quiet.

Miles explained, "A lot of people get tattoos with their close friends. Me and Ganke been wanting to get one since he got his first tattoo! So we thought long and hard, and realized we're both One Piece nerds. So we got an X as a symbol of our friendship and loyalty for each other!" His honey-brown eyes soften being so happy, "He's my best friend."

"Awe, that's so cute." The wavy haired teenager puts his hands on his cheeks being so awestruck.

Hobie stood quiet before he decided to walk away. "Bae, where you going?" Hearing Miles' voice.

"I'm gonna take a smoke break." He mutters lowly.

"Let me come with you-" Hobie stops him, "No, Miles. I want to go alone." He walk outside of the restaurant.

Miles frowns hearing his boyfriend sounding upset. "What's wrong with him?" He asked his other two friends.

Hobie inhale his cigarette feeling the nasty bitter tar taste dragging on his tastebuds. Been awhile since he smoke, he rarely smoke cigarettes these days since he got with Miles. He sighs feeling like a fool for getting so worked over his boyfriend's tattoo. Why does he feel so challenged with Ganke?

He hear the front door opening, "I told you I want to be alone, Sunflower." He finally said, hearing his boyfriend's footsteps.

"Gwen and Pav told me you were upset about me spending the day with Ganke." Miles went up to him, his arms wrapping around Hobie's left arm trying to comfort him. "Baby, do you hate it when I'm with him?"

"I dunno." He mutters.

"But you got so upset when I mentioned I got a tattoo with him! Hobie, me and Ganke are just friends!"

"Friends who hug each other all the time? Friends, who share chopsticks and food? Friends who get matching tattoos?" Hobie snapped then stops himself when he saw his boyfriend's eyes widen at him. "Sorry, luv... I am. That's why I wanted to be alone."

"Hobie, me and Ganke are friends! A lot of people are close with their friends. We just vibe that way."

"Sunflower, I know you and him are friends, but I get jealous over it. I think it's because he's better for you." Hobie sighs being upset, "I'm just a bloke with-" Miles grab his face to kiss him, Hobie's dark eyes widen from shock as he felt his Sunflower's kiss him so passionately.

When Miles pull away his tongue slip out of Hobie's mouth, then he gave a hard bite on his partner's bottom lip. The punker winced from the sudden bite his partner made, he blinks when his boyfriend glared at him. "I hate when you talk so badly about yourself. I love you, Hobie. Me and Ganke are just friends nothing more, man. Tsk, you're acting stupid, but you're my jealous stupid man!" He kisses Hobie again to comfort those bottom bite lip.

His boyfriend pulls the nineteen year old into a deeper kiss. "Luv," Hobie pulls away, "I still wish you asked me about having a tattoo. I'm jealous you two have matching tattoos."

"Huh! But I got two tattoos about you, baby!" Miles puff his cheeks.

Hobie kisses his boyfriend this time with more hunger, more need that made Miles' face heated. The punker's larger hands cupping his little Sunflower as they tongue kissed. He mutter lowly, "I don't like sharing you, luv."

"Hmm," Miles pinches his boyfriend's cheek making him winced again, "You ruined the kiss by being too possessive, mi amor. You still have a lot to learn about controlling your jealousy! It's cute when you kiss me like this but you putting yourself down is pissing me off."

"Luv, you love it when I'm like this." Hobie chuckles.

"Hmph, you got mad over a tattoo. I'm not removing it and Ganke is my best friend. You're gonna have to learn!" Miles huffed, "Over a simple tatt-" Hobie kisses him again, "I like it when your like this."

"Dummy!" Miles frowns, playfully hitting his boyfriend's shoulder, "You always gotta be the jealous type." Hobie picks him up with a smile on his face making him blush, "See I like this, but not when you're trying to get delusional about me and Ganke. It's weird, man. It's like me getting jealous over you and Karl. You don't see me going on my phone checking where you're at all the time?" He puff his cheeks again being annoyed.

"You're cute when you're mad at me, Sunflower." He leans over to nose rub his boyfriend's nose, then picks him up letting Miles' legs wrap around his waist. "I would it if we get matching tattoos."

"No," Miles huffs, "Those are curses. I rather let you give me a tongue piercing."

"That can be arrange. I always wanted you to get one." Hobie purrs in his boyfriend's ear, "You'll look sexy with it."

"Bad! I'm already sexy, bae." Miles pinches his cheeks again, "Always ruining the moment!" He playfully smirk on his face. "You play too much."

"I want your attention. You left me all alone today, luv."

"So?"

"I need you, my darling!"

"You're so clingy! Now put me down."

"No!" Hobie carries his boyfriend back inside the restaurant, "This is payback for leaving me."

"Hobie!"

[youreobsessedwithtoomanyfandoms]

One. Two. Three. Four. Five...Come On! (Henderson!Reader)

Words: 1332

Warnings: angst, near death experience, me have zero memory on how to do CPR so I had to look it up, probably poor writing but whatever

STRANGER THINGS Masterlist Main Masterlist

Here is another fic based off of something I wrote for an OC

Reader is Dustin's older sister (older by 4-5 years)/is the same age as Steve.

This also lowkey can be read as a sequel to You Don't Love Me Anymore? and I Still Love You

So, since we don't know what is happening next, I have this as a sort of "What if?" thing. So obviously the only canon is everything that has happened up to the end of Vol. 2

This was originally longer, but I decided to cut off the second half of this (basically what happens after they get back to Hopper's cabin)

But yeah, just remember that this is NOT canon at all. Just something my little mind came up with randomly

I also had to look up how to do CPR and then found the BPM of Stayin' Alive and played a met going that speed in the background as I wrote the timing stuff

So spoilers for the ending of Vol 2 (wow if you haven't seen it yet)

Anywho, enjoy

It was all so sudden.

Y/N had been standing a few feet away from Robin and Steve. Steve was helping Robin back up after she had just fallen. Everyone had been more focused on making sure that Robin was in fact, okay. Perhaps if they hadn’t been, someone would have noticed the slimy, vine-like thing crawling towards Y/N and wrapping itself around her left ankle.

One moment she was upright, concerned about her friend. And then next, she was yanked to the ground and being pulled across the ground. She was screaming, trying to kick the vine off of her ankle while trying to grab on to literally anything so as to not get pulled away. She heard Steve, Nancy, and Robin yelling her name.

She felt another vine wrap around her other ankle and eventually two others came around her wrists. She tried to thrash around and free herself. She was screaming for Steve. That was until she felt one more vine wrap around her throat. And every time that she moved, the vine on her throat got tighter.

Her eyes had begun to water due to the vine being so tightly around her neck, cutting off her oxygen. She didn’t know when it happened, but at some point, her vision got splotchy and eventually became completely pitch black and she felt absolutely nothing.

But then there was Steve.

One moment he was helping Robin and making sure she was okay. And the next he heard his girlfriend screaming. The moment he heard her screams, his head snapped to where she had just been. All that he saw was her being dragged away. He quickly grabbed his bat and ran in the direction that Y/N had just been dragged.

He had known that Nancy or Robin would grab Y/N's crossbow and follow after him. He followed her screams up until the moment they suddenly cut off. He felt himself freeze for a moment. That exact moment that he heard the screams cut off. He knew he had to think. All that he could think was to just continue to head in the direction he was facing. Hoping and praying that it would eventually lead to her.

And it did. He saw her practically dangling there. Her head was hanging limply against her chest. He ran to her and began to continuously bash his bat against the vines. He barely heard Nancy tell him to move out of the way. But somewhere in his mind, it still registered and he moved back. Soon he heard the loud sound of gunshots and soon Y/N fell from, what he only assumed was Vecna's viney grasp. He quickly moved to catch her before she fell onto the ground. 

He got her on her back and began to freak even more as he saw her lips turning blue. And as his hands moved around to find a pulse, or any sign of life, he felt how cold she was. But the moment he was unable to find a pulse or even feel/see her breathing, he realized what he had to do. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed. 30 seconds? A minute? Two? All that he knew is that he had to start CPR. Then and there.

His hands were shaking as he clasped them on top of one another. He kneeled next to her and moved so that his locked arms were over the center of her chest and over his hands. Once he knew for sure, he began to push down.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Two. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Three. “C’mon Henderson.” Three. Four. Five.

Four. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Five. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Six. Two. “Don’t leave me, darling.” Four. Five.

He leaned down and tilted her head back slightly to give her the two breaths. And then continued to pump down.

Seven. Two. Three. Four. Five.

“You gotta keep holding on.” Four. Five.

“If not for me.” Four. Five.

“Then for Dustin.” Four. Five.

“Hold on for Dustin.” Four. Five.

“Could you do that for me baby?” Five.

He did the breaths again. He continued this for about a minute. He was a near sobbing mess when she still hadn’t started breathing again after about 100 compressions and it was just under a minute since he started. But he refused to give him. He refused to do it. At some point he had heard something crack and he had assumed it was a rib. He was nearing 120 at what would be 10 seconds after the minute mark.

Twenty-Four. Two. Three. Four. Five.

He gave the two breaths. He leaned his head down to try and hear or feel anything. Tears were falling from his eyes as he didn’t hear her heart beating from under her shirt as he had just a few nights previous. He let out a shaky breath and repositioned his body. And he began to start the compressions again.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Two. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Three. Two. Three. Four. Five.

“Please don’t do this, baby. Please don’t leave us. God, I can’t imagine living without you baby.”

Six. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Breath. Breath.

“We promised each other that we wouldn’t leave the other one again. No matter what. No matter how scared we got. No matter how tough it got. We promised to stick together...you promised me baby.”

Eleven. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Twelve. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Breath--

Just as he was about to give the second breath, Y/N began to cough. He stopped everything, even though he knew he shouldn’t have, and moved her to her left side. She continued to cough until eventually she looked at him, tears in her eyes. He let out a sigh of relief and pulled her into a hug. “Oh God baby. I thought you had died. I-I thought that I had lost you.” He heard a strained noise coming from her. He pulled away slightly and that was when he noticed the discoloration and marks on her neck from where the vine had been. “Oh baby, don’t speak. Don’t hurt yourself any more.”

“Steve?” His head turned to Nancy as she called out to him, “We need to go and get back to everyone.” She walked over to the two of them and kneeled in front of Y/N, “Can you walk?”

She was careful as she stood up, not letting go of Steve’s arms once. And she took a wobbly step forward. He was careful as he grabbed her arm from falling forward. “I’ll help her. You two go ahead and we’ll follow behind.” He motioned to Robin, “Toss me her bow.” He caught the crossbow as it was tossed and slung it over his right side. He then gingerly placed her right arm over his shoulders and he placed his right hand on her wrist and his left arm around her backside. Then the two followed after their two friends to meet with the other members of their party.

He was happy that she was alive. God knows that she wasn’t okay. But she was alive. And he wasn’t happy for himself. But for Dustin. The kid had just lost Eddie a few days ago. And Steve knew better than anyone that he wouldn’t be able to do any more without his sister. Sure. Steve was there for him whenever he needed him, but he hadn’t always been. Y/N had been there for her brother since day 1. No matter how many arguments they got into, she always would be. No matter how pissed she was at him, if he needed her, she would be there. And she knew that Dustin would do the same for her.

So Steve was happy that he was heading back with Y/N alive. He knew he wouldn't have been able to look Dustin in the eyes if it was any other way.

[lets-get-kraken-boys]

I personally hope that reader end’s with kiribaku or shoto in the Purge.

Or all of them🫣

Can’t wait and see what happens.

Maybe i should read it again…

LMAO this practically became its own imagine. DAMN I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL.

Warning: Swearing

Enjoy. 🤗

It's an interesting idea that one or two of them could somehow manage to steal reader away for long enough that the Purge clock runs out, and (Y/N) becomes "theirs". I love KiriBaku, I think they're a great duo and could be one of the only teams that doesn't fall apart due to jealousy and hold their own until the Purge ends.

Kiri is so loving that, while there is a strong urge to keep you to himself, he loves Bakugo's company so much that sharing you suddenly becomes not that big of a deal. Hell, having his two most favorite people in the world by his side? Loving each other, spending time with each other, and being a true couple? His first love being his last? A love that can withstand any fight, or even the Purge?

When you put it like that, what could be more manly than that?! Protecting the love of his life with his sheer strength and will? He'd do it all over again in a heartbeat! Anything...for you~

Plus, though he's sort of ashamed to admit it because thinking of you this way is so unmanly...He is really excited to be able to share his firsts with you. He doesn't know if you've...ahem, done anything like that yet (he sure hopes you haven't. Not that its you're fault! Oh, honey, no! He'd just hate to be forced to hunt down that person and teach them a lesson for touching what's his), but he's a little more than giddy to learn everything about you.

Bakugo feels the same way, if not more, as Kirishima. He's absolutely against the entire idea when Kirishima brings it up. Hell no! It's hard enough that he wants to be the only one you ever even look at again, now rock-for-brains wants to share his firecracker??? In his eyes, he'd rather give a formal apology to Deku for everything he's done over the years than resort to sharing.

Funnily enough, as time wanes on, seeing you interact with the other classmates (who are head-over-heels for you like he is) grinds his gears more than it does seeing you hang out with Kiri.

For example, a few weeks ago you were helping Momo on her project that she practically begged your assistance for. You were sitting next to her as you two chatted, laughed, and cut out paper to glue or something dumb like that. He was fuming in his seat as he watched her grow heart eyes dopily gazing at you. You were just being sweet ol' you, helping a friend in need, but there's no way she didn't see it as so much more. He knew she saw it as an acceptance of her "undying" love for you. So annoying.

Right as he was about to intervene and scream in her face to get the fuck away from you, Kirishima walked up to the two of you. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, blushing up a storm as his eyes glanced from time-to-time at you. Bakugo's ears could only pick up a few words that came out of his mouth, something about "Totally unmanly of me...help me with this thing?"

You, being the perfect little people pleaser, joyfully nodded your head. You turned to ask Momo if she could finish the rest on her own so you could help Kiri with whatever he needed, and she reluctantly agreed. Her eyes burned with resentment as you and Kiri happily walked off together. But, before you two left the room, Kirishima looked back at Bakugo once you weren't looking at him. The not-so-dense boy gave his friend a knowing look, a tiny smirk, and waved his hand for the blond to follow.

That was the moment that Bakugo decided that sharing you with this Kirishima maybe wasn't such a bad idea after all.

-

Skipping forward in time a little. It’s the Purge now.

-

As great of a team they would be, I think Bakugo's hubris has a very high chance of getting the better of him. While I don't think Kiri would provoke this in Baku, someone else very well could. Him losing his cool would give the other person just enough time to swoop in and take them all over again.

Who knows, maybe that's where Shoto comes in. He could irk Bakugo, pokes the bear with a stick, feeds his ego; IDK, but something along the lines of making Bakugo frustrated. While getting frustrated normally ups a human's guard, I think it actually lowers Bakugo's. Like, he'll get so in his own head that he'll forget the objective (keeping you for themselves until the Purge is over), and focus on fighting Shoto. He's so prideful that, even when he's a Yandere, I think that protecting that image of himself may even come before you. Which is saying a lot, since a normal Yandere's #1 goal is to get you to love them like they love you and to have you be by their side forever. I think that window of time where Bakugo gets lost in his own emotions is the perfect time for Shoto to strike.

He could even be the distraction. Maybe he and someone else are working together, and whoever is working with Shoto takes you away. 🤔

Again, it would be awesome for all of them to end of with you. The constant tossing around between person and person is just too tasty to resist. 🤤

Oh, well. Just spitballing! So many fun ideas~!

With Love,

Kraken 🐙

[shiftingparadise]

Hii 😊 I hope you're having an awesome day. I love reading your fanfics so I'm here to request a professional attorney!Levi x female reader (angst+fluff+a little bit of smutt with a happy ending.)

So here's how the story goes: reader is a victim of domestic violence of her ex-boyfriend (you can name him after whatever you want 😁). Reader used to live with him because he used to be very sweet and loving. He didn't show his true colors after Levi moved to live with him. After a year of their relationship he started beating her up, insulting her and threatening her with her life if she tells anyone. One day she manages to run away from his abuse (which was almost killing her) and contact one of her best friends (our boy Levi) who's a renowned lawyer. Levi used to have a crush on reader but when her boyfriend stepped in and he saw them happy he didn't meddle. You can decide how Levi reacts to her call 😊❤ Also I thought it would be cool if you could write lawyer Levi defending reader in the courtroom masterfully and knowing how she was abused her boyfriend gets arrested for what he did to reader and eventually reader releases a sigh of relief. Levi confesses to reader eventually and things turn hot in the end 😍😘❤🔥 Thanks in advance! 🌹

aw, thank you so much for your kind words 🥺 . I'm sorry this took so long, but I really wanted to take my time writing this one! I loved this idea, and I feel like Levi would be so protective and caring towards the reader 🥺 . I hope you like it, enjoy reading! 🤍

It's pretty angsty in the beginning, so if you're not comfortable with this topic, please skip this story  🤍

Word count: 6462

‘Please stop’, you tried to control your breathing, heart beating out of your chest, fingers desperately tucking on the soft fabric of your sheets, ‘P-please, I didn`t mean t-‘. 

Your words were cut short, fingers now digging in your hair, pulling you away from the mattress. 

‘Doesn`t matter, I told you to immediately come home after work. Who knows where a bitch like you has been running off to? Bet you went to see that piece of shit again, didn’t you? Thought I made it clear last time that I don’t want you to see him again’, your boyfriend’s voice filled up the entire room, and fear took over your senses. ‘N-no! Of course not. Zeke, really, I-I didn’t-‘, ‘Stop crying, a little whore like you doesn’t deserve to be treated like a woman’, Zeke tightened his grip on your hair, making sure your scalp was hurting before he dragged you from the bed. 

You desperately placed both hands on his wrist, trying to ease the pain. 

‘Please’, voice shaking when you could see him lifting his hand in the air. You didn’t want this, you didn’t deserve this. ‘Tch’, Zeke smirked at you, ‘You know this is your fault, right? You made me angry. You could’ve avoided all of this, but no, you made me do this’. 

Did you? His words cast doubt in your mind. Even though you just went to the store to get some dinner, you knew you had to go straight home from work. Zeke had made it clear he didn’t want you to do something else before you got home. 

‘You think I enjoy this?’. A shiver left your body when you could feel his free hand gently hover over your cheek before he smacked you again. ‘I asked you a question Y/N’, he once again tightened the grip on your hair before he dragged you across the floor into the bathroom. ‘Look at yourself. Look how pathetic you are’, Zeke pulled you up from the ground, forcing you to look at yourself in the mirror. 

 You slowly opened your eyes, vision blurry from the tears that kept streaming down your face. All you could see in that mirror was a mess. Lips bruised, a drop of blood still hanging on your chin; a bruised eye, barely able to open itself; nose running; … 

‘I said look’, you could feel your cheek being pressed against the cold mirror, a tiny cloud of fog appearing. You couldn’t reply, only sobs and whimpers escaped from your mouth. 

You didn’t understand what happened, what made Zeke act the way he did. He used to treat you so well, always so kind and thoughtful. Always buying you flowers, opening every door, pulling your chair back... He always listened to you, making sure you had everything you needed… But everything changed when you moved in with him. He made you slowly, but surely, distance yourself from your friends and family, and once you had no one left, he became a monster. He started telling you how you were nothing without him, how he took care of you; how ungrateful you were when you tried to stick up for yourself…. He manipulated you and you fell right into his trap. 

‘I’m sure you want to call Levi again? Right? Want me to smack your phone again, like the last time? He didn’t even pick up, that’s how much he cares about you’. At this point, you were afraid the pressure would cause the mirror to shatter. ‘N-No Zeke, I wasn-‘, ‘What’s wrong?’, you could feel his hot breath against your ear, his knee forcefully pulling your legs apart, ‘You’re nothing but a cheap whore Y/N, you deserve this’. 

Your heart was beating even faster. No one deserved this, not even you. You were sure of it. Maybe you were a bad girlfriend, a bad person even. Perhaps he was right, maybe no one cared about you… But this was wrong. No one deserved to go through this. 

‘Zeke, no, please stop. I-I don’t want this!’, you begged, over and over again. ‘You don’t want this?’, Zeke chuckled in response, ‘You’re mine. I can take you wherever and whenever I want… I can take you how I want, even lovingly and delicately, but that’s not what you deserve, is it?’.

His hand forcefully pulled you away from the mirror, pushing your head down in the sink underneath it. You could hear him undo his pants before he pulled up your skirt. You started to panic. Zeke hurt you, more times than you could count, but he never did this. He never forced himself onto you like this. Was he ever going to stop? Things only got worse at this point, where would it end? Your body stuffed in a dirty bag underneath the ground? You had to get out, you had to run, even if that meant leaving your belongings behind. If you didn’t escape now, if you didn’t run from this monster, you would end up dead. 

‘Z-zeke stop’, you cried out, hands reaching behind your back, trying to push him away from you, ‘Don’t forget what happens if you ever decide to open that dumb mouth of yours to someone’. Once again, he pulled on your hair, his lips brushing against the soft skin of your earlobe, ‘I’ll use you over and over again until your body can’t take it anymore, and once I’ve decided that I’m done with you, I’ll be sure that the last thing you’ll ever see is my hand around your throat’.

Something in your mind clicked when you could feel his fingers tangle themselves with the thin fabric of your slip, venomous words still flowing from his lips. Without thinking, you grabbed one of the glasses with your toothbrush in it. You couldn’t see where you had to throw it, but you didn’t need to, your instincts had taken over. You wouldn’t let this happen to you, even if you deserved it, even if you had nowhere to go. 

‘Get off me!’, you grabbed the glass and smacked it on the hand that was tangled in your hair. You didn’t hesitate when you could hear your boyfriend grunt out in pain, grabbing his wrist to look at the blood that was spilling from his hand, ‘Fucking bitch!’, you could hear him yell behind you, but you didn’t look back. Instead, you ran as fast as you could to the door of the apartment, not even bothering to grab your purse. You needed to run, to get away from him before he could lay his hands on you again. 

--- 

‘L-Levi?’, you were shaking, one hand carefully placed in between your thighs, ‘I-it’s me, Y/N’. 

You tried to stay strong, to sound brave, but you knew the police officer across the room saw right through your act. After you managed to escape, you didn’t know what to do. All you knew was that you kept running on your bare feet, hoping you’d come across someone to ask for their phone, but the cold kept everyone inside. With nowhere else to go, you went to the police station, but you didn’t tell them what happened, or why you were running through the cold air of the night with no shoes on your feet. Of course, the officers looked strange at you and asked if you were alright, but you couldn’t tell them. Zeke would kill you if you did, or worse, he would go after the persons you cared about. So, you asked them if you could use a phone, and without thinking, you dialed the number of the only person you could trust, your friend, Levi. 

---

You carefully entered Levi’s apartment; arms crossed while your fingers were clutching onto his coat that he’d wrapped around you when he picked you up.

‘Are you okay? Here’, he removed his hand from your back before he walked into a room, probably his bedroom, and appeared again with some socks in his hands. ‘Your feet must be freezing’, Levi sat down on one knee before you, gently grabbing your ankle before putting on the socks. He didn’t leave time for you to protest, but the lump inside your throat made it impossible to talk anyway. ‘Tch’, you could feel Levi’s soft hands tighten around your ankle, his free digits softly stroking across the bruises on your leg. ‘Sorry’, you said softly, pulling your foot away. ‘I-I’ll fill up the tub, please make yourself comfortable. I’ll make you some tea in a minute’, Levi didn’t look at you, he just stood back up and disappeared into his bathroom. 

You just stood there, frozen. You didn’t know what to do or what to say. It was obvious that Levi felt uncomfortable. Guilt was already washing over you, after all, it was your fault he felt this way. 

‘Y/N? Are you alright? You haven’t moved’, Levi reappeared from the bathroom, a towel in his hand. ‘I’m sorry’, you whispered, ‘I shouldn’t have called you’. You let the coat slip from your shoulders before you made your way to the door. ‘Don’t go’, you could feel Levi’s hand on your bruised wrist, causing you to hiss in pain. ‘Fuck’, Levi widened his eyes, quickly removing his hand, ‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.. please Y/N, please, stay’, he said softly, ‘I know we haven’t seen each other in a long time, but it’s fine, I was never mad if that’s what you’re worried about’. 

You didn’t respond. How could he be so gentle towards you when you’ve been ignoring his messages and calls for months now. He was one of your closest friends and you ignored him. 

‘I-If I’d respond he’d hurt me’, your voice sounded tired, even raspy. ‘Who? The person who did this to you? Where’s Zeke? Aren’t you two together anymore?’, Levi desperately tried to figure out what happened. ‘Z-zeke did this’, you closed your eyes. It didn’t take long before tears were rolling down your cheeks. You never told anyone, but if you knew you would feel this relieved, you would’ve done it sooner. ‘W-what?’, you didn’t recognize Levi’s voice anymore, ‘Wh-what did you say?’, Levi placed his hand on your shoulder. The unexpected touch caused you to flinch. ‘Y/N?’, Levi widened his eyes when he saw your reaction. He slowly placed his hand on your shoulder again, turning you towards him. 

You couldn’t look at Levi. You felt ashamed. Ashamed that you let someone treat you like this, ashamed that the corner of your lip was swollen, your eye bruised, unable to open properly. You felt ashamed Levi saw the bruise Zeke left on your leg when he decided to smack your phone on it when you called Levi a while ago. 

‘Y/N?’, you could feel Levi placing his thumb under your chin, slowly lifting your head so that he could take in all the bruises and blood on your face. ‘I’m sorry’, you whimpered, ‘I’m so sorry’, you sobbed while looking at him. 

Levi was a handsome, collected man. There usually wasn’t any form of emotion on his face, so seeing him look at you like this made you widen your eyes. He looked as if he was ready to kill someone, hate clouded his eyes, his thumb now softly shaking under your chin. 

‘How long has this been going on Y/N?’, he didn’t blink, nor did he move a single muscle. ‘Ever since I moved in with him’, you said softly, ‘T-that’s why I didn’t reply to your messages.. I tried to call you, but before you could pick up the phone, Zeke had already taken it away from me’. ‘Why didn’t you leave? Why didn’t you come to me?’, Levi raised his voice, not with anger, but his words were laced with concern. ‘B-because he told me no one cares about me, that I’m just a burden to everyone’, you took a step back, a cold spot now on the place where Levi had his fingers. ‘Tch’, Levi closed his eyes, knowing he had to keep calm. He didn’t want to scare you, he didn’t want you to be scared of him. ‘Come on kid, let’s get you cleaned up. I’ll get some new clothes for you tomorrow. For now, you can sleep in my shirt’, ‘N-no it’s fine, I’ll get my stuff tomor-‘, ‘Y/N, you’re not going back to that apartment, God knows what he’ll do to you’, Levi interrupted you, ‘The police will get your stuff along with him’. ‘No!’, you quickly blurted out, ‘He’ll kill me, o-or you if I go to the police’. ‘You know I’m a lawyer, right?’, you softly nodded in response, ‘Don’t worry Y/N, I’ll make sure he never leaves prison, I promise. Now let’s get you cleaned up’. 

You could feel Levi placing his hand behind your back, guiding you to his bathroom. Levi lived in a luxurious apartment, which wasn’t surprising since he was one of the best – and so naturally, the most expensive – lawyers in town. 

‘If there’s anything you need, please call me’, Levi said softly while turning off the tap. You nodded at him, which gave Levi the sign he could leave. 

You walked past the mirror, slowly seating yourself on the edge of the tub so you could undress. You tried to look as little as possible at your own body, you didn’t want the memories of Zeke hurting you to pop up in your head. 

You slowly got up after you slipped out of your skirt, walking towards the shirt Levi had placed next to the sink. You slowly let your digits run over the soft fabric, noticing how clean everything was. Without noticing, your gaze slowly moved towards the mirror. 

‘W-why did I let this happen’, you whispered, trying to hold back tears while your digits were running over the bruises on your collarbone, slowly moving upwards your neck, seeing his fingers imprinted on the side of it. ‘What did I do wrong to deserve this’, your fingers now trailing over your bruised lip, a stinging sensation took over when you tried to wipe the blood away. 

You couldn’t take it anymore. For the first time in a year, you could find the time to break down, to feel your emotions. All the fear, the hurt, the anger, you could feel it raining down on you. 

‘Y/N? Are you okay?’, Levi softly knocked on the bathroom door once he heard your cries, your heavy breaths. You didn’t respond, you couldn’t. You could see all the memories flashing before your eyes, causing you to collapse on the floor, arms placed over your head to protect yourself. 

‘Y/N?’, Levi’s knocks became louder, but by now your mind wasn’t in his apartment anymore. In your mind, you were lying on your bathroom floor, back in Zeke’s apartment. The white floor is stained with your blood, while you’re trying to stop the bleeding from your nose, pleading for him to stop. 

By now Levi had told you he was going to enter, he had called your name over and over again, but you never responded. Once he entered, he could feel his heart breaking. You were on your hands and knees, only wearing your lingerie. It seemed like you were desperately trying to wipe something from the floor that wasn’t there, saying sorry over and over again. 

‘Y/N?’, Levi slowly sat down next to you, carefully letting his hand rest on your back, ‘N-no! Stop please, don’t hurt me, please’. Levi widened his eyes when he saw you flinch, finally understanding what was wrong. ‘Kid, you’re here, with me. I would never hurt you, you know that’, he tried to sound as gentle as possible, slowly moving closer to you again. 

Levi tried his best to keep his composure when he saw that your entire body was covered in cuts and bruises. Your stomach area and ribs must have been where he hit you the most, seeing as how there was almost no pink skin left anymore. In all his cases, he never saw anything like this. Levi had clients that went through hell, but compared to you, that was nothing. He could only imagine what you had to go through. 

‘L-levi’, you widened your eyes, slowly realizing where you were again, ‘I-I’m so sorry’. You collected yourself, ashamed Levi saw you like this. ‘Don’t ever try to apologize again kid, you have every right to feel this way’.

You looked at him, feeling confused all of a sudden. You had lived so long under Zeke’s tyranny that you forgot there was kindness in people too. 

You lowered your head, slowly crawling towards him. ‘Thank you’, you whispered before placing your arms around his neck, ‘Thank you so much, Levi’. 

Levi widened his eyes, he’d never hugged you like this, so intimate. He knew you needed him, and he wanted nothing more than for you to feel safe. He carefully placed one arm around your naked back, slowly caressing the soft skin.

‘I’ll always be there for you kid, no matter what’. 

---

‘Here, you can sleep in my bed’, Levi said while placing a glass of water on his nightstand, ‘I’ll have to work in the morning, so I’ll be in my study if you wake up’. ‘Where will you be sleeping?’, you scratched your forearm awkwardly, ‘On the couch, so if there’s anything wrong, just call me’. ‘I don’t want you to give up your bed for me, I’ll sleep on the couch. I don’t want to be a bu-‘, ‘You’re not. If anything, I’m glad you’re here with me. I’ve missed you’, Levi replied quietly, a small smile on his face, ‘Goodnight kid’. 

Before you could reply, Levi already closed the door of his bedroom. You slowly walked towards the bed. Levi’s sheets were softer than the ones Zeke used to have, probably more expensive too. You curled up underneath them, trying to repress the feeling of guilt. 

‘Glad I’m here?’, you tucked at the sheets, pulling them over your head, ‘Someone's glad to see me?’. 

--- 

Levi couldn’t find any sleep that night. His mind unwillingly wandered off to all the possible ways Zeke had been hurting you. 

‘Tch’, Levi gritted his teeth, turning on his side, ‘I want to kill that bastard for hurting her’. 

You didn’t know Levi had a crush on you for so long, and when Levi noticed how happy you were with Zeke, realizing how he made you smile, he decided to repress his feelings. Levi knew that he could never make you smile like that, not when he had to put so much of his time into his work. He thought it would be best if he took a step back, if he allowed you to be happy with someone – whom he thought – would give you the world. If he only knew what kind of person Zeke was, if he’d only knew that piece of shit was going to treat you like this… 

‘L-levi?’, your soft whimper barged through his thoughts. Levi immediately sat up straight, looking at you from his couch. ‘Is something wrong?’, he tilted his head, scanning your body language. 

You were standing across the room, fingers nervously fiddling with each other. Levi couldn’t help but be mesmerized by your beauty. The way your hair brushed over his white shirt, the way the light fabric hovered over your breasts… God, he wished he didn’t feel like this, but he couldn’t help but feel a certain ache in his pants at the sight of you. You were so fragile, your aura so small and delicate. He wanted to pull your naked body against his, to feel every inch of you. 

You closed your eyes, cheeks burning red. You’d been practicing this for hours now, how you were going to ask him, which words to use… but your mind had gone blank. ‘Y/N?’, he stood up from the couch, leaving his blanket behind. When you could see he was only wearing his boxers, your cheeks burnt even more. ‘Levi I… I can’t sleep’, ‘Do you want some tea?’, his voice sounded tired, his fingers resting on the back of his neck. You shook your head, looking down at the floor. 

Guilt washed over you again. You were robbing him of his well-needed sleep. You quickly closed your eyes, lips pressed against each other. 

‘C-could you sleep with me? Please? I feel so scared, and I need to smell your scent so that I know you’re here with me, that I’m not alone. I know you need to work in the morning, and I know that it may sound strange but, please Levi… I need to feel your warmth’, you hastily rambled, wondering if Levi even understood what you just said. 

‘Huh?’, Levi tilted his head. He hadn’t slept in the same bed with a woman in so long, what did you even want him to do? You need to feel his ‘warmth’? What did that even mean? Did you want him to hug you? Or just to- ‘Tch’, Levi cut his thoughts off by forcing himself to look at you. There was a time when he couldn’t think of anything else. When he dreamt of holding you at night, and now you were asking him to. 

‘I’m sorry, that was stupid’, you nervously chuckled, quickly turning around at his lack of response. ‘N-no, I’m coming, just give me a second to grab my shirt’, Levi turned his back towards you, eyes searching for the shirt he’d thrown somewhere on the ground. ‘Oh, don’t worry, you don’t need to put it on… I-I mean I don’t ca-‘, you let out a sigh, closing your eyes, ‘It doesn’t bother me if you’re not wearing a shirt. We’re two adults’, you forced a smile on your face. 

--- 

‘You’re comfortable?’, ‘Hm’, you hummed in agreement. 

You were curled up, back towards your friend while trying to keep as much distance as possible. Levi was lying on his back, one hand placed behind his neck. 

An awkward silence filled his bedroom. So, you decided it would be best to try to fall asleep as fast as possible, knowing Levi would probably do the same. 

‘H-huh?’, your whole body tensed up when you could hear Levi sighing before turning towards you. You could feel him softly placing his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, ‘You’re shaking kid. Can I hold you like this?’.

You couldn’t remember the last time you felt a touch this kind and caring. Without realizing it, your body had melted against him. You hadn’t felt this safe in so long. A quiet tear streamed down your cheek. 

‘C-can you hold me a bit tighter?’, you quietly respond, words laced with embarrassment. ‘Like this?’, Levi pulled you even closer, your back now fully pressed against him. 

You couldn’t see Levi smiling, just like you didn’t notice how he took in the scent of your hair. Levi wished this moment could last forever. He could die right here and now, and he would die happily holding you like this. He thought he successfully repressed his feelings for you, but hearing your breathing slow down under his touch, feeling your body melt into his… He’d never stopped loving you, you were like nicotine to him, so addicting. 

---

‘L-levi?’, you slowly opened your eyes, still tired from everything that happened. ‘Oh right’, you let out a yawn, ‘He’s working’’. 

You could see the sun shining on the white sheets, leaving a golden glow on them. It felt ages since you woke up this relaxed. 

You slowly got out of bed, making your way to the bathroom. 

‘I can’t go out like this’, you sighed at your black eye and swollen lip, splashing some cold water on your face before noticing a toothbrush laying on the sink, still in its package. You chuckled, ‘You really thought of everything, didn’t you?’. 

You brushed your teeth before walking toward the kitchen. Now that you had the time to catch your breath and you knew you were safe, your stomach started working again. After months, you finally felt hungry.

‘Hm?’, you tilted your head, carefully picking up the note Levi had left on the table:

‘I’m getting you some clothes and sanitary stuff. Please make yourself at home. Breakfast’s in the fridge. I thought you once mentioned that a smoothie is your favorite breakfast, so I got you one. I’ll be back soon’. 

You couldn’t understand why he went through all this trouble for you. You didn’t deserve this. You reluctantly walked towards the fridge, only to see your favorite smoothie; strawberry-mango with some chia seeds. 

---

Some time passed and you were still living with Levi. You told him you were going to leave, that you’d find somewhere to stay, but he insisted you’d stay with him. You were happy he did. There was no place you’d rather be than by his side, especially during the night. He’d always let you curl up against him; always comforting you when you woke up from a nightmare;… 

Levi went to the police station with you, where he remained by your side as your lawyer. He needed to convince you to tell your story, saying you needed to save others from the abuse you’d gone through. You found the courage to tell your story thanks to him, knowing he’ll be by your side once you saw Zeke in court. You knew Levi would offer you a kind smile during your testimony, giving you the courage to continue your story once the pictures of your wounds would be displayed to the judge and jury. Levi would guide you through it all, he would be the one who put Zeke behind bars, he promised. 

Today, however, was the day you needed to go to court, when you would be forced to look into the dark eyes of your abuser once again. Levi knew you were nervous, so he did everything he could to show you he would be there for you through it all.  

---

‘Can you please put evidence #67 on the screen?’, Levi looked at Zeke who was sitting at the front, noticing his eyes were directly looking at you. 

God, Levi wanted nothing more than to kill that man. Even with all the evidence, even when he could see you sniffling behind the table next to Levi… he was still smirking. As if he was proud of what he’d done. Zeke was a sick man, that was certain, but the guts he had for smirking at you… 

Levi closed his eyes for a moment, trying to regain his composure. After all, this was good for the case, this would guarantee your victory. Not only Levi, but the judges too were able to see what a monster he was. 

‘As you can see on the screen, Mr. Yeager decided it was a good idea to carve his name into Miss L/N her left thigh, to make sure she knew whom she belonged to’. 

Levi paused for a second before looking at Zeke with a cold stare. 

‘Is that right, Mr. Yeager?’, ‘Tch’, Zeke smirked while chuckling, ‘Objection, your honor, speculative’. ‘I’m sorry your honor, but I don’t think it’s speculative when his name is carved into her skin’. ‘Objection overruled’, Levi let out a small smile at the judge’s response. He knew he was going to win this case, no matter what, and that piece of shit made it even easy for him to win. 

You were a smart woman, even though you didn’t think so, but it showed in all the pictures and text messages you’d collected and stored in your google drive account. As if you knew you were going to end up here, in court, with Levi by your side. 

---

‘You better come home, now. Otherwise, I’ll be forced to punish you’.

Levi read the text message out loud, his stomach turning. ‘This was sent on March 23, at 17.16, am I right?’, Levi let one eye glide from his paper towards Zeke. ‘You read that so well, Mr. Ackerman’, he responded with a smirk. Levi cleared his throat, ‘At 17.19, only 3 minutes later, Mr. Yeager sent another text: 

‘I’ve had it with you. Are you so dumb that you can’t even respond to a text, or is your boss his dick stuck in your throat? Fuck, you’re a little whore Y/N. Remember that when you get home, you’re getting what you deserve’. 

‘That’s what you texted her, correct?’. Even though Levi had read the texts over and over again, they never failed to make him sick, his blood boiling from anger. ‘You’re so perceptive, Mr. Ackerman. What did she do to you that made you take her as a client? I mean, she hasn’t got the money… Did she open her pretty legs on your desk?’. 

Levi widened his eyes at his recklessness. Was he really that stupid? Levi won the case now, that much was certain, but how could he say something like that? Even in court? Levi only imagined how his lawyer must’ve reacted, probably sighing at his client's remark. He heard the judge say something in response, but Levi couldn’t hear what she was saying. He could only look at that bastard and dream of how he pulled him over that stupid counter and beat the living shit out of him. Only when Levi heard your sobbing did he decide to shift his attention from Zeke to you.

You couldn’t help but cry, to feel humiliated at his remark. You hated this. You hated to be forced to relive every painful memory, but you knew Levi had won this case. Zeke just showed everyone what a cruel person he was. 

---

‘I’m so glad he’s put behind bars’, you sighed in relief while placing a strand of your hair behind your ear, slowly taking off your heels. 

During the entire drive towards his apartment, Levi didn’t speak. You thanked him multiple times, but he only forced a small smile on his face. 

‘Me too’, Levi replied coldly, walking towards the kitchen, ‘Want some wine? Think a celebration is in order’. ‘I would love some’, you slowly got up, walking towards the kitchen. 

Levi’s strong hands were opening the bottle. You could only imagine how they would feel entangled in yours while his raven hair brushed over your forehead, his hot breath hovering over your lips, you softly moaning underneath him. 

Over the past few weeks, you tried to repress every inappropriate thought you had of your friend, but it had gotten impossible. Especially now, with his tie loose around his neck, a few buttons open of his white shirt, letting you take a peek at his toned chest; … Levi looked so good in a suit, or some grey sweatpants… Well, he looked good in anything. 

‘Let’s go to dinner tonight, I want to take you somewhere nice’, Levi broke through your inappropriate thoughts, ‘Or…’, you smiled, ‘We can order some takeout? Maybe watch a movie?’. 

Levi’s heart jumped with joy when he could see that spark in your eyes again. It had been so long since he saw you smiling at him like that. 

‘Guessing you want sushi?’, Levi poured some wine into your glass, ‘Please’, you jokingly pouted before thanking him for the wine. 

---

‘No, why would she do that?’, you sighed, ‘He’ll come for her, is she stupid?’, you yelled at the television. ‘H-huh?’, you widened your eyes when you looked at Levi. 

Levi was looking at you, smiling. You never saw him like this. 

‘W-what’s wrong?’, you crawled towards him. Levi was sitting on the other side of the couch, nonchalantly taking a sip from his wine. 

You were sitting on your knees, wearing nothing else but a shirt from Levi, body turned towards his. Your cheeks were probably already red from the wine you’d been drinking, but you didn’t care. 

‘You’re beautiful’, ‘H-huh?’, you widened your eyes, your body froze. ‘You’re beautiful Y/N’, he softly repeated himself before placing his glass of wine on the table, letting his eyes linger on the red ring it caused. ‘You’re beautiful in every way. You’re a complex, fierce woman, but at the same time, you seem so fragile, so delicate… It makes me want to protect you, to put my arms around you and show you how beautiful the world can be. I want to take you out for expensive, luxurious dinners, you wearing a dress I bought for you; I want to see you smile at me every morning, your eyes still tired so that I can carry you out of bed into the shower; I want to kiss you every second of the day…’, Levi paused, his eyes now locked on the stain the red wine had left on your lips. ‘But most of all, I want to pull you even closer when we cuddle at night. I want to put my hand under your shirt and discover every part of your body. I want to rob you of your sleep every night. I would give everything I have to hear your soft moans underneath me’. 

You just looked at him, heart beating out of your chest. You didn’t know what to say, what to do. You wanted to tell him how badly you wanted him to make you his and his alone. 

Before you could reply, you could feel Levi’s finger softly wiping the red stain from your lower lip, his nose almost touching yours. ‘I want you Y/N. I’ve wanted you to be mine since the day we met’. You could feel his digits moving from your lips to your neck, stopping when he reached your collarbone. ‘I want to feel your naked skin against mine, I want everything of you’, he slowly tugged at the collar of your shirt, pulling it down, his thumb gently caressing your breast. 

Your breathing got heavier, making you sound so desperate for more. 

‘I want to treat you right, to touch you right’, he stopped looking at the soft skin of your breast, eyes now locked on yours, ‘I’ve been talking a long time about what I want though, what do you want?’. ‘T-this’, you replied shyly before crashing your lips against his. 

The kiss felt clumsy at first, probably because you made such an unexpected move, but Levi chuckled, gently wrapping his hand around your neck. 

‘This? Got to be more specific’, he teased while taking control of the kiss, forcing you to open your mouth more. Levi wanted to taste you. He wanted to taste the red wine you’d drank, he wanted to taste the lipstick you’d reapplied when you entered the apartment, he wanted to feel the soft skin of your lips against his tongue. ‘I-I want you’, you whimpered in between kisses, trying not to melt completely under his touch. ‘You’ve got me for the rest of your life’, Levi replied, softly tightening his hand around your neck, allowing his free hand to roam underneath the shirt you were wearing. 

He didn’t want to be rough with you. He didn’t want you to feel scared or threatened, but the way you moaned when he tightened his grip made clear you wanted to be touched like this. 

‘I’ll ask you again’, he parted his lips from yours, softly stroking your cheek with the back of his index finger, the other hand now cupping your breast, ‘Tell me what you want kid’. ‘I-I want you to ruin me’, you said softly, voice shaking. ‘Ruin you?’, Levi chucked at your shy response, ‘Don’t play dumb!’, you frowned while placing your tiny hands on his chest, ‘I want you to fuck me, okay? Want you to claim me, mark me,… I want you to make me yours’, you said while looking at his chest, cheeks burning red. 

Levi stopped his movements before standing up from the couch. 

‘You trust me?’, he held out his hand for you to grab, ‘You know I would never hurt you in any way?’, his voice sounded serious all of a sudden. ‘O-of course’, you replied while slowly placing your hand in his. ‘You trust me enough to be mine for the rest of our life? Because I don’t want this to be a one-time thing’, Levi lowered his eyes, a sad smile appeared on his face, ‘I want to spoil you for the rest of my life, I want to see you waiting for me when I get home from work, want to see the world with you, grow old together. I want the whole package’, he smirked at you. ‘I already said yes’, you replied with a smile, softly pinching his hand. ‘Okay princess’, Levi replied before picking you up from the couch, and carrying you into his bedroom. ‘This night’s all about you’, he placed a kiss on your cheek before laying you down on the bed. 

You could see Levi pulling off his shirt, a sight you’d seen so many times now, but it never failed to mesmerize you. 

Levi crawled onto the bed, his lips hovering over you, ‘I’ll make you feel good, I promise’, he whispered before placing open-mouthed kisses on your neck, sometimes pausing to softly bite into your soft skin, leaving marks behind. ‘L-levi’, you softly moaned his name, hands desperately tugging in his hair. ‘Don’t worry princess, I’ll give you more’, his hands swiftly pulled up your shirt. You could feel your nipples harden when they were exposed to the cold air of his bedroom. ‘Fuck’, Levi widened his eyes, a smile on his face, ‘You’re fucking perfect, even prettier than I imagined’, he cupped your breasts before placing sloppy kisses on them, leaving a trail of his saliva behind. ‘M-more’, you whimpered, nails now digging into his shoulders, ‘So impatient’, he hummed before placing his knees in between your legs, forcing them open. ‘We have the entire night Y/N, I’m going to take my time before I’ll have you calling out my name’. ‘L-levi?’, you asked, barely whispering. ‘Hm? Is something wrong? Want me to stop?’, he quickly stopped touching you, cupping your cheeks instead. You could see the worry in his eyes, afraid he’d crossed a line. You smiled, eyes scanning his face before you softly cupped his cheeks, ‘I love you, Levi’. 

Levi widened his eyes. He’d never told someone he loved them before, but he loved you. He loved you more than anything. 

‘I love you too, always have’, he lowered his eyes, knowing he let his guard down for the first time in his life. You pulled him in for a soft kiss, ‘Don’t worry Levi, I’m yours’. 

[t-inbound]

Hi-hii :3

I was writing an essay and ine little thought crossed my mind. It is simple but...

While I was re-reading Two Becomes Five I actually thought of Lamb and Cats(Aym and Baal obviously) hanging out together. Maybe Aym and Baal would know more about current situation in the cult, see some of bright sides of it? Or maybe they could go on a little adventure? I'm not really sire what exactly they would do... I just wanted to see the three of them finally getting along so they could comfort each other ;v;

Firstly, as promised HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and sorry for being a little late on the story. My finals are a bit annoying and you know how it is, but yeah I hope you enjoy the story :)

What More?

Sunlight shimmering amidst the mountain tops, a visage so usual for him. A visage he became familiar with over the course of his long life, a life spent in the halls of their marble home atop the highest peaks.

After all of the years he has spent up here, he had little to complain about their home. Marble halls with followers all around, tending and attending as they came and went and that was that he liked it. In the lands rivaling the clouds, cold but never cold enough to freeze at least for him, the earth around never muddy to be miserable like the lands below.

It was simply a perfect place to live, an idea that most shared alongside his new and really only friend. The friend which was taking entirely too long preparing the picnic basket. Really, how could it even take this long? Also why was she even packing food for him and his brother? It was not like either of them really needed it.

Speaking of his brother, who at the moment was preoccupied looking over the skies from the window of their mutual friend's house.

Looking over the skies with a paw closed to shield his only working eye ‘’The sun is almost up lambchops, it's gonna get too warm in a bit, come on.’’

The ewe he was referring to gave him a roll of the eye before ‘’Aren’t we sheep supposed to rise with the sun, not you divine cats or whatever? Also why do you care if it’s gonna get warm?’’

His brother took only a moment to retort ‘’Ever had a picnic with the sun right above your head lambchops?’’ Without giving enough time for a reply ‘’it ain’t really pleasant.’’

He was sure Lambert would retort back with something, which his brother followed with one of his own. It would go on until they both would get tired of it, and as exciting as that sounded to watch, he decided to just focus on much more interesting things such as the cloudless skies.

Really though, it was slightly strange how clear the skies were for their home. It was an odd occurrence that for some odd reason bothered him, or perhaps what bothered him more was his brother’s insistence of going outside for a picnic today. He couldn’t stop the sigh that forced his way out of him as he gazed at his brother who was currently having an argument/shouting match with Lambert on what constitutes as ‘early hours’ or ‘the correct time to go on a picnic’ was. Really though, why was he so adamant about all this? Going out in the middle of summer for an activity that for all intents and purposes was meaningless to all of them. Lambert didn’t seem to care too deeply where they spent time as long as they were together, he didn’t really care about food so that only really left his brother. Just what pushed him into rousing him from his meditation that early in the morning and got Lambert to prepare for a day out with all the critters and lack of shelter or really any civilization was beyond him. Well there was a reason in mind but… He was almost sure he rose above that sort of childish thing, or really he hoped he moved on from that sort of thinking. He would ask to confirm all this but he looked too busy trying to hoist Lambert on the bookshelf, who for her part was doing a good job resisting him by holding onto his ears while shouting about how she didn’t wanna get stranded up there like last time.

As amusing as their antics were, he really wanted to get this over with as soon as possible so he could maybe salvage the rest of the day and perhaps get some meditation done. Hiding his smirk he made his way out of the door, without looking back ‘’Come on you two. We got things to do after we are done with all this’’ before either of them could retort he added ‘’We can just hunt a pigeon for Aym and you can just chow down on the grass’’ He didn’t bother to look back to see either of their incredulous faces before he made his way out. Most of the paths leading out of their home on the mountains were long and as would be expected, arduous. His brother’s chosen path was no different. Stepping over another sharp rock he wondered, why did he have to choose such a far away place instead of a rooftop or something? He would try to ask that alongside his previous question, if either of his companions would stop their bickering for a moment. ‘’Do I really have to carry you?’’ Came a voice from his brother. He was answered by Lambert who was still holding onto his ears, almost instantaneously ‘’Yes’’ Incredulous ‘’You have two functional legs on top of having hoofs, you should be fine climbing down a little bit’’ Ewe ever the retortful, lifted her left leg while pointing at it with her right arm ‘’Well I would be fine, if ‘someone’ didn’t hurt my hoof earlier’’ Rolling his eyes ‘’that isn’t even the right hoof and I already apologized.’’ Almost pleadingly ‘’So, please?’’  At his words Lambert took a moment to pause in thought, rubbing at her chin before suddenly ‘’No, you gotta carry me.’’ The groan his brother let out could have triggered an avalanche if it wasn’t for the fact that there was no snow at this time of year.

So it was, the three of them, well more like two of them walking along the path his brother set out for them. On a path to a place he didn’t understand why they needed to travel, under the burning sun, all the while wondering what his brother was going with all this. He almost wished their master would call them back for a full temple cleanup or something. Step after step, one over the other. It was slow as it was boring, just seeing the mountain pass grow narrow before widening a moment later. After a moment of thought, he wouldn’t call it boring, not really. It was just monotonous, cliffs leading to stacked stones to more cliffs. Trying to escape from the monotony he tried to focus on his brother and Lambert, maybe they had gone back to their shenanigans that didn’t fail to entertain him. Looking over to their side he saw something he was not really expecting, his brother was pointing at something off in the distance all the while Lambert was just sort of listening? She was still situated on his shoulders but that didn’t seem like it was bothering Aym all too well either. Speaking of his brother, he seemed happy if not at least just more interested than usual? His brother was one for brooding and complaining rather than smiles and laughter like now most of the time. In a way it seemed off, almost like seeing a congregation of priests not shouting over each other in their endless quest to find out which one of them could misinterpret their lord’s message the most. But even though it was odd, it was not unpleasant. His interest felt fresh… It almost reminded him of the back in the days. Shaking the odd decrepit memories away he focused on the sun that seemed like it was oblivion bent on trying to melt him away, all the while trying to ignore an ancient call of the past once so sweet.

*** Sheep wool is something that tends to be soft, perhaps even fluffy if you want to get sweet with it. And as for someone who had a friend who happens to be an ewe, who also happens to have been on top of his shoulders for the better part of a day he was starting to doubt the validity of that claim. Now, in order to break this great misconception he had many options. One, he could ask Lambchops what she thought. Which she would be just confirming the validity of the claim, but since she happens to be a sheep it didn’t seem like her input would be clear of bias.

Two, he could ask his brother who also happens to be friends with a sheep. Then again he would also be pretty biased considering his friendship and a lack of shoulders crushed under an ewe.

This only left him the third option, which is to pick a sheep who might or might not so happen to sit on him and yeet her into the soft grass. Thus testing the softness by comparing the two against one another all the while giving a well deserved comeuppance.

Needlessly to say, the bleat that came out of Lambchops would be worth all the piggyback rides she would demand of him in the near future.

while at it, why not just test how fluffy cat fur tends to be.

The moment he met the grass he knew he was right to choose this place, the grass so soft growing in a patch without any stone. Laying down on the even ground looking up to see the infinite clear blue skies unsullied by the clouds with the grand golden sun peeking just on the side. Closing his eyes and breathing in the fresh air slowly, he could feel peace but just in a moment course through his very being.

Though the peace was not meant for long as he was assaulted by a very aggravated ewe who didn’t seem to like his little test and decided that the best way to get revenge is through throwing herself on his chest before trying to pin him to the ground. He should be trying to stop the angry ball of fluff currently trying to choke him out but really after seeing her ruffled pelt, it was just too much for him to bear without laughing. Still trying to choke him out ‘’You ass! Do you know how much time it took to make up my fur?!’’ Fighting away the laughter ‘’About an hour’’ wiping away a tear ‘’the exact reason why we got here late’’ Incredulous ‘’That's why you throw me into the grass!’’ punching at his chest ‘’You jerk.’’ With the last of the laughter finally making its way out of him ‘’Nah, it was because your rump had gotten my shoulders all sore fluffy butt’’ With one last punch to the chest she moved away from him and begun to walk towards the grass around them, huffing and puffing all the way. It was his brother that spoke first ‘’You done it now’’ Arriving from the side before sitting down on the grass next to him. Calling out to where she was headed to ‘’Come on Lambchops no need to sulk, I was just horsing around’’ She was still moving away, not wanting to see her get lost in the tall grass he knew he had to go that route. With a groan before clearing his throat ‘’Alright I’m sorry Lambchops I’m such a meanie. really a Horrible no good friend and-’’ Stopping on her tracks ‘’Rude and a sore loser at table games'’ His brother butting in before he could refute the last claim which was just slander ‘’Terribly noisy on top of being rather silly’’ With another groan ‘’Alright you two, get it out of your systems all the while little ol’ me suffers this abuse’’ Closing his eyes before putting a paw on his unbeating heart, putting as much theatrics as he could to his fake cries. With a sigh the ewe turned back ‘’I am still angry and you are still a jerk’’

‘’Alright how about a trade’’ He continued as Lambert gave him a look that said keep going ‘’I will carry you back home too, where if you want you can continue to be mad at me, but for now we can just enjoy the picnic’’ It took her a moment, a moment that almost made him think he might need to offer few more trips to make up with her before she sighed again ‘’Fine, I guess I can look past your transgression until home’’ Giving her a smile he set out to take off the bag he was carrying, she sat down to do the same with her back as they set out their little picnic spot. His brother taking off the plates while he handled the picnic blanket, corner of his eyes he saw Lambert and the food she brought for them. He was still iffy on the whole eating food thing, but he knew arguing with Lambchops was futile. So here, they had a picnic. In the sight of the great ocean which was seen stretching across the horizon from one side to the other, with land of the old four encompassing that of their masters. The aerie but yet grand dark forest adding the dark green along the plains of west, to the swamps of Anura adding the hues of yellow on the east with their mysterious yet oddly welcoming splendor. His eye drifted across the land near the ocean after that as his sibling and Lambchops talked of faith and prayer, to the half land and sea of Anchordeep adding the aqua with a touch of turquoise and also its terrifying yet calming aura. All across this land and beneath the lands of Silk Cradle did his ‘home’ encompass, a land and ‘home’ that was all the land in between and perhaps one day even the ones all across the endless ocean. And there it was, the pang. One of guilt and shame with a spark of sadness and hope hidden within. The lands all around, grand and wide and duty called him here to this one he was so used to. Lost in the thought he almost didn’t hear his brother ‘’So Aym, why have thee brought us here?’’ Looking over he saw his brother, sitting down almost in meditation while he lay down with Lambchops somewhere in between. Raising a brow ‘’For the picnic?’’ Rolling his eyes ‘’Why did you pick here for it, that is what I ask brother’’

There it was, the moment he dreaded. He fought the groan as he tried to find a way out of this question that carried one too many traps and no good answers without lie ‘’Well I saw this place while taking a walk and thought your grumpy butt would appreciate going out for once.’’ The look from his brother told him that he didn’t really buy it ‘’I see’’ There was still a chance that this would end here and perhaps his brother could put a cork in it for once, but no luck ‘’I would ask why you are outside of our home but really, it feels like you are barely inside these days’’ The effect was almost instant as he felt the indignation rise within his words, but no. He would not have this conversation again, not here. Not when it should be just the three of them together. ‘’I mean, is it such a bad thing?’’ He almost felt his blood go cold at the words of their companion, oh no. He was gonna have this conversation here wasn’t he? ‘’You know, to just explore?’’ Almost adding more fuel to it now, he had to find a way to silence her before his brother started his tirade. Could he try throwing her again? No that would actually be mean. Maybe he could fake a stomach ache? No, that would be just dumb. Think damn it, think! ‘’Because there is no need for it Lambert’’ His brother spoke, with certainty only he and their master shared. He was facing her but really he knew who he was talking to ‘’There is no need because this is our home, everywhere else outside of our care’’ Before he could stop himself ‘’I wouldn’t be so sure’’ Damn him to oblivion, damn it all. He was doomed anyway. Why stop now? ‘’There is much to see and le-’’ ‘’What more-‘’ Breathing in deep before letting it out he waited for him to finish ‘’-do you even need? To see and learn brother of mine’’ ‘’Well I would like to see the ocean a little closer for once’’ Humour, that had to work. That had to at least get him not to say what he was surely going to say next. ‘’There are enough rivers with enough water brother.’’ with a sight so deep with a tinge of disappointment ‘’I thought master got rid of all this stupid ideas out of you back th-’’ In a moment a shout that reverberated across the mountain side ‘’Just because you wanna stay here forever like some damn critter in a cage doesn’t mean I wanna!’’ One much colder yet still a shout ‘’This is our home!’’ Now yet colder than the hardest winters of their ‘home’ ‘’I don’t think you remember how it was before all this.’’

In a moment his anger boiled and in a moment it all froze, like that of the river they found so long ago freezing that one winter ‘’Home? Is that what you see it like?’’ His voice but a whisper ‘’This prison?’’ His eye met his brothers, bearing nothing but contempt ‘’No brother, Home was with mother, and back then this whole land was our home. Not some old church on a mountain.’’ ‘’You know, it is not such a bad place’’ a voice meek but with purpose and conviction. She looked below, not meeting either of their eyes ‘’It’s not really a prison, at least not one without good within.’’ Before he could control himself ‘’And that good is?’’ She met his eyes in a moment ‘’You two for a start.’’ With a smile pained but not without warmth. Continuing with a tinge of fervor ‘’And the people are not too bad’’ looking over to the side ‘’yeah some of the priests are mean and some people are a bit zealous and perhaps misguided in their love of our Lord.’’ Her eyes met his once more ‘’But I still think there are still some good, there are priests that help feed the poor and teach the children how to pray and the people with smiles and love within.’’ taking a moment before continuing ‘’Then there is our Lord’’ He felt a moment of shame bubble within at the mention of their Master. Now looking to the horizon ‘’But, it is still beautiful out there too you know’’ Trying to meet her gaze to the infinite blue ‘’There are trees of tall, with birds of plenty dancing across the skies and on the fields’’ He saw plenty of those back then, fun chasing them around with a certain cat clad in white ‘’Rivers with ponds that stretch so far, with villages of sheep and goat’’ now almost ruefully ‘’There are many lamb and other with dreams so different to that of here’’ Now looking at his brother ‘’So I guess what I am saying is that, it is good outside too. It is worth it to see and learn’’ His brother didn’t match his eyes before a sigh ‘’I am sorry’’ It was but barely a whisper ‘’I shouldn’t have mentioned our past like that, to use that against you’’ slowly looking up to meet his eyes ‘’I shouldn’t judge you for wanting to leave even if I don’t really get why’’ Now it was his turn ‘’I am sorry too’’ It was hard making out the next words ‘’I don’t think it is a prison you know… It's just’’ a sigh before continuing ‘’It’s just so suffecting and the land outside so so damn beautiful’’ 

With a snort ‘’Yeah, I suppose the ocean is not so bad’’ As they sat in a more comfortable silence for a moment he smiled, Maybe the day didn’t need to be ruined just yet. Looking to meet the ewe that saved their picnic and really the whole day she saw her smile in full. A small laughter came from her lips before ‘’I believe my expert input to this discussion should be rewarded with an extra ride on your shoulders’’ He couldn’t stop the laughter that escaped him before going for a tackle hug on the ewe currently on the ground laughing alongside him and Baal ‘’You damn little ewe’’ trying to get the ewe to stop going for his ears he thought, ‘Maybe one day, maybe one day he would get to see the outside but today was fine here’

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Being a friend of Ricky and Angela + an honorary daughter to Martha would include~

(Not my gif)(Requested by @blossomgutz )

(Hope this is what you were looking for!)

- While it could be true that you met Angela and Ricky through normal means; like school or something of the sort, I raise you a somewhat different idea: you meeting them because of Aunt Martha.

- It’s not out of the ordinary for Aunt Martha to make what she wants into a reality so if she takes notice of a particular young girl who she thinks would make a wonderful friend for her children, she’ll certainly try her best to pull some strings and get them to come over for a play date. You can be anything from a neighbor, to a daughter of a friend, to a patient of hers; she is a doctor after all. Regardless, you’re welcomed with open arms.

- From the start of your friendship with the two, she insists that you can think of their home as your own. You’re free to walk inside and do whatever you’d like: welcome to stay for dinner, a sleepover, to come in for breakfast, or to just stay for hours at a time; whatever you’d prefer is fine by her.

- Ricky is always a bit embarrassed by her and her arguably strange behavior but you probably tease him about how you like hanging out with his mom more than you like hanging out with him and that tends to make him feel better. He’s relieved that she doesn’t scare you off; he’s had more than a few friends avoid coming over.

- Perhaps that’s why he’s particularly protective over you; the fact that you’ve always been so accepting of his strange little life. Although, it has sort of just become of a habit of his: one that was probably born out of his mothers insistence that he protect Angela; and subsequently you.

- Speaking of: you have a tendency to protect Angela just as much as he does; especially when you know Ricky isn’t there to stick up for her. Whenever you’re in a class you share alone together or in the girls restroom at school, you always make sure to keep an eye on her and ensure that no bullies can get to her. You might have even gotten into a few fights because of her and though you probably got grounded as a result, you still can’t bring yourself to regret them.

- You’re one of the few people that Angela feels she can actually trust and talk to and she really enjoys spending time with you. It sort of makes you feel special when you think about how you’re the only one in your school that she hangs out with.

- Martha loves that Angela finally has a little “girlfriend” who she can hang out with. She encourages the two of you to go on outings together whenever she can: usually stereotypical girly things like shopping or manicures.

- On the topic of outings: you’re invited to join them on all of their vacations and day trips. Whenever they go to some park or zoo or museum, you’re always welcome to come; so much so that Aunt Martha probably plans around the assumption that you are coming.

- Angela tends to linger by your side whenever you’re out together; especially when Ricky is busy elsewhere. It isn’t rare for him to go off with his friends or want to be alone when you arrive at someplace so you’re usually left behind with your favorite shy little gal.

- This is especially true for when you go to the arcade together: though Ricky will definitely drag you around with him a lot of the time; wanting you to go against him in different two person games.

- Family game nights and show watching. You all sit down after dinner every Friday and play board games or watch something like jeopardy or the Brady bunch on tv.

- Martha treats you like a daughter, plain and simple. If she didn’t already have Angela you probably would have become her surrogate child; though sometimes Angela is definitely made to play second fiddle in favor of you. Thankfully, she never really minds; she might even prefer having a break from her mother on occasion.

- Please let her do your hair, or your makeup, or maybe just try on these clothes and see if they fit you better than Angela. She did see it in the store and think of you~

- She definitely buys things just because she knows you like them and makes things because she knows they’re your favorite. It really is like having a home away from home whenever you go over to their house: like having another mother; one you might even trust more than your own.

- Martha would obviously love to have a girly girl in her life but she wouldn’t mind a tomboy either. She might prefer it when you act or dress more feminine or subtly urge you to do so but you’re still gonna be a sweet little girl to her, regardless of how you dress or behave. As long as you let her dote on you like a girly girl, she really doesn’t mind.

- At first, you were just included in the “sweetie’s” call, but she slowly started to call you sweetie on your own and now she just addresses you by pet names like 90% of the time.

- She used to apologize when she found herself treating you like one of her own children; even if she really wasn’t sorry, but she stopped apologizing the longer you spent a part of their lives and now she’s perfectly comfortably treating you that way: preening you all motherly like and giving you hugs and such.

- You tend to give her the praise she constantly seeks out and she absolutely loves it. Sometimes she goes above and beyond to make you happy just because of it.

“Wasn’t that nice of me, hmmm?”

- You can always depend on her; even if she’s a little scatterbrained. Got sick at school and moms not answering the phone? Aunt Martha to the rescue. Got your first period and embarrassed to tell anyone? Don’t worry dear, she’ll take care of everything. Mom doesn’t allow makeup? “It’s our little secret” she’ll tell you after she buys you some cosmetics.

- Speaking of: she’s always jumping to take care of or help you when you’re sick or injured. She’ll bandage you up and/or fret over your symptoms, making you soup or telling you to lie down; even journeying over to your house with a care package when she learns that you’re under the weather.

- Overall, it’s just a very nice experience. She never once feels like just your friends mother: she’s an adult who you can trust and truly feel comfortably around; even if she’s a little prim and proper.

[sharkywithascarf]

Old writings from when I was 11. Part 1

I think this one was inspired by my favorite song ‘tip toe threw the tulips’ and Insidious and this is like word for word what i wrote lol

—————————————

3/2/1984-I ran threw the field, I knew they was following me I could hear the mocking, cruel voice, I knew I could not escape, death was so close I could almost feel it, maybe if I stop, my death will be less extreme, oh how I wish I had been able to convince my parents to move away, why couldn’t I be more persistent, why did I listen to those fake promises, why did I pleasurably listen to their cruel symphony, but I can’t focus on the past I have to focus on escaping this hellish nightmare

10/31/1983- it was early morning, I was in the front of the the moving truck sitting next to my mom, we were going to my new house, I didn’t exactly want to move but what happens, happens i guess, sucks I can’t see my friends but who needs them, when I got to the house i had this gut feeling something was off, of course I’m not dumb I voiced this to my mom, she said and I quote, “dear, I don’t wanna be here either, but please give this a try, we just need to last till I can afford to divorce your father.” My father was not the nicest he controlled everything we did he was a mega b^tch, my mom was a angel I’d do anything for her, I decided to give this place a try.

11/3/1983-Im pretty sure im crazy.... today i was home alone, my father went to work and my mother went to the farmers market, so I was in the backyard working on some flower seeds I decided to plant when I heard this.. music... now I had a record player in my home but it wasn’t on, oh my god is someone in my house, I look threw my windows and see a person dancing to a song.... WHAT THE EVER LIVING! I needed to go to the police, what if she wanted to kill me, I’m to awesome to die! I ran to the police office, idc if it’s to far away! I might die! After I go to them, they inspected the house and found nothing and assumed that I was crazy! I explained they might’ve left after they found out their victim but they told me no criminal in there right mind would dance to a loud song waiting for their victim.... I know somethings up I need to get out of here

12/13/1983- after that incident nothing happened for awhile till today i had gotten home from hanging out with some of my friends, I saw letters on my bed, in hand writing I couldn’t read well I could read a few words but they were foreign , now I’m sure I’m crazy, after the incident my mother had gotten a therapist for me to make sure i wasn’t going mad, they words I could read were “run” “love” and “death”.... did I write these? No I know I didn’t, I didn't, I didn't, I don’t think I did, no... no I know I didn’t.

1/4/1984- I’ve been getting roses on my door steps the color was a pitch black, I didn’t know black roses existed... I never brought the in the house I was to well worried, I didn’t know who gave them to me, who knows what it could have been made with I know there are no black roses, it could be painted but who in their right minds would do that? I kept throwing the roses away

2/19/1984- IM SO TIRED OF IT, the roses won’t stop coming... WHY CANT IT JUST STOP, what madman would do this, i find one in the morning i go inside with it inside and start ripping it up I hope they see this, once I figure it’s had enough I throw it in the trash, after that I go hang out with my friends.

3/1/1984- I’m so frightened after the day I disgraced whatever being, my life has been tragic, my mother had gone ill, my best friends were getting distanced the only person I have is my therapist, I now enjoy their presence it’s comforting... but my dad wants me to stop, saying I’ll be fine, but I don’t want them to leave! I want them to stay with me

3/2/1984- as I remember those moments, tears fall from my eyes, i wish I had times to apologize, to my mom, my friends and my therapist, they won’t be happy with what I’m about to do... I suddenly stop, I want this to end and if that means dying then I’m fine with it, whatever hell can end and I can finally be free from everything.... suddenly the air gets colder and I know it’s here..

————————————————-

Broski this is the cringest thing I’ve read but it’s not all I have art of the girl in the story I found it in my old isbpaint on my old iPad lol

I like the concept and the design but the drawing needs work but it’s good I think soooo have a good day lol bye

[overthinkersmidnighthotspot]

“yeah bitch i’m in love with you, so what?”

This prompt was hard for me for so long because I was in a writer’s block when I found it. I first started it in July 2019 and then just never finished it. I came back to it this month, so I could get some shit off my chest. I’m not very descriptive, everything is up for your imagination. Hence the serious lack of names and setting, etc. This is based off a personal situation I went through last year. Please be kind, I haven’t written in a long time. I hope you enjoy :)

Short Story Prompt from July 18, 2019

“yeah bitch I’m in love with you, so what?”

The sky had been a muddled grey all day, and frankly she was tired of it. Weeks ago she had made plans to go on a picnic on this exact day only for the Gods to hold the threat of a thunderstorm over her head with no signs of leaving. With cowardly feet she stepped back from the window and went towards the kitchen counter to get her phone. Snapping a picture of the depressing sky she sent it to the group chat. 

this right here? yeah not it I’m not feeling it

Within seconds she received multiple blue bubbles from her friends

stop trying to bail

no really this has got to be the 3rd time you’ve flaked sis

if we cancel the picnic we’re still hanging tonight but we get to pick

She pondered which of the two hells were worse. In the absence of her daily caffeine she made the poor choice of allowing her friends to pick the next place. 

fine

you win

cancel the picnic we can do whatever but if i’m not leaving my place by 8 i’m not leaving at all

Honestly, she appreciated her friends more than they would ever know. Mostly because she would never give them that much credit. Ever since she had told them she’d been pining for pretty boy, her friends used every excuse in the book to get her out of the house. They called it sulking but Y/N considered it more along the lines of healthily coping within the comfort of her home. Netflix was always there, the grocer was only a couple blocks away whenever she ran out of carrots and hummus. Life was good. Y/N had always been quite the hopeless romantic. Although pretty boy was not one usually that fit her standard of her soulmate, her standards eventually molded to perfectly encompass him. Suddenly everything she wanted, and dreamed of, he had. The realization had shocked her so much within that moment (months ago) she had sworn she needed a pacemaker. So yeah, this realization had been quite devastating to her and she needed time to cope that her and pretty boy would never have the sickly sweet ending she despised but secretly wanted. Her phone buzzed once, then twice, then far more than thrice. 

ooh bad idea but no take backs

omg hold up i’m googling strip clubs rn as we speak

how many ones are you supposed to bring

i have no idea

omg what about Lynx the club that just opened up a week ago??

i thought that was a bar?

club/bar does’t matter hoe

mm kind of 

She needed to cut in now before bad decisions were made

Lynx sounds good to me

omg yay!! okay bitch get cute

noooooo don’t get cute dress sexy or hot we pulling these hoes tonight bitch!!

it’s a hot girl summerrrrrr

mhm okay are we carpooling or what?

hell yeah we’re uberpooling there’s no way in hell either of us are going home sober tonight

yeah me and cassie already sorted the details uber should be there by 7:55 

mhm before 8 per your request missus

lmaoooo can ya’ll believe we were really bout to have a picnic at night 

girl it was a cute idea! the weather fucked it up tho

mf it was a cute idea shut up before i stay in my house hoe

In the middle of her typing a box popped up. [Low Battery: 20% battery remaining] 

“Shit!” She scrambled to get her charger from the couch and plugged it up in the outlet in the kitchen. If it had been up to her she knew she wouldn’t have left the house, but she was glad she could count on her friends to pull her out of her own quicksand. 

… 

“Okay you look fine as fuck! Who told you to show out like this?” Jodie pulled her into a tight hug upon entering the club and couldn’t stop gushing over her friend. Y/N tried to keep her smiles hidden but her friends were no stranger to her facial techniques. 

“Stop! You told me to dress nice so I did. You all look gorgeous tonight, really.” 

Jodie and Cassie gave each other a knowing look. One Y/N knew because she had shared it with them so many other times. Embarrassment flushed through her with a hot flash realizing she wasn’t included. 

Cassie smirked as she turned to look back at Y/N. “Oh please as if you didn’t get so fucking hot for just us! You know who else is here?”

Eyes wide and heart safely tucked in the deep crevices of her ass Y/N took a quick scan around the club. Flashing lights and dark shadows turned frogs into princes and bartenders into off duty model mixologists, so it was only natural she didn’t trust her sight when they landed upon one sweet pretty boy. 

“OH YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW!” With a shake of her head she turned on her heel intended with the fiery of a thousand demons to find her way to the next bar or anywhere she could let off steam without the stress of protecting her self image. 

“Oi grab the American would ya!” She heard Jodie shout to the bouncer as she passed him. As the cool air simmered her from the altitude of her insecurities, she found herself in a loop of mental recuperation. Seeing the boy she was almost convinced she was in love with, amongst the crowd of hundreds of other women who were there for the same reason she was, was not what had been in her plans. Let alone leaving the house. Granted she came to have fun, she reminded herself. Though she’d be lying if she were to pretend she wasn’t more than 110% open to leaving with a bed companion. What’s that saying? To get over someone, you have to get under someone else first? She’d ask Cassie later.

“What’s with the temper missus? You telling us you didn’t plan this?” Cassie stood directly in her line of sight unmoving as Jodie circled nearby glaring at the clubgoers outside watch the commotion of her storm out just seconds ago. Quickly Y/N gathered herself, flustered again by the unwanted attention and curious eyes. She looked into Cassie’s piercing hazel eyes, slowing her breaths so she could speak clearly.

“Of course I didn’t! I honestly thought you lot had? Something kept me wanting to stay in the house and that-“ She stopped herself.

Jodie shared another look with Cassie, one full of pity and a hint of something else she couldn’t detect.

Jodie switched guard watch with Cassie as she approached slowly. “It’s not that we planned it so much, but knew he’d be here. Cassie’s got a thing with his friend who’s playing later tonight, so unless he’s a shit friend it was almost a guarantee he’d be here especially on a Saturday night.” She paused. Y/N searched her friend’s eyes, immediately knowing they were true, as they had always been. 

“So you just expected me to go along with it then? As if I don’t already spend every waking second of my day thinking about a guy who isn’t remotely knowledgable of my existence outside of ‘some girl’ he sees around?” Jodie laughed as she listened to the beginning of a traditional ramble of her friend’s overthinking overworking mind. 

“I’ll stop you right there, you don’t know what he thinks idiot! That’s the whole point of tonight, you introduce yourself as you see fit and get to know the bloke for Christ sake, you talk about him so much for ‘some girl’ who don’t know half a shit about the man!” Y/N laughed for what felt like the first time that whole week. In an attempt to run from the ferocity of her feelings she hadn’t realized once again the genuine love of her friends. 

“I guess you’re right.” She sighed. Admitting defeat over who was right versus wrong was not a malleable quality of her’s. Y/N tried not to take the cocky smiles of her friends too personal as it drove her right back to the bouncer who had seen everything go down. With a snicker and a mischievous glimmer in her eyes she whispered to him as he let her in. Her friends approached quickly behind her, she sent them a wink and was off in a flurry away of confused looks from Jodie and Cassie and gruntled disapproval as the bouncer shook his head restricting their attempted entry. If she was going to do this, she didn’t need witnesses let alone her own two personal cheerleaders coaching her from the sidelines. A solo journey to be faced head on, victory or complete failure she needed to do this alone. She’d tell them all about it later.

Steeping under the glowing flashing lights, sheen painted the rambunctious moving bodies around as she moved through the crowd with her chin high above her shoulders. Her neck serving as a telescope, as if it would elevate her eyesight beyond her height. Though her pupils were no match to high grade magnification, she spotted pretty boy within seconds and he was already looking straight into her soul. She wanted to freeze, but something in her kept pushing her up until she was only a breath’s kiss away. 

“Hey.” He smiled down at her as they quickly embraced, although had she pregamed it might’ve lasted just that bit longer to turn her into his bedmate for the night. His voice was so decadent, like chocolate melting on to the ripest cherries slipping past her lips. Her fantasies ought to have landed her a Nobel Prize, for even when he stood right in front of her she could only hold him in reverence off of the image he held so strongly in her mind. She breathed out a response but it was so automatic she wasn’t sure if she had imagined it. 

“Hi.” 

“I haven’t seen you out in awhile, I saw your friends earlier. Where’d they go?” She hid a laugh but allowed a smile as she pretended to look around almost just as curious as he about their whereabouts. She shook her head with a frown and sighed. 

“Honestly I couldn’t tell you, they always abandon me at some point throughout the night I’m used to it.” She shrugged. Secretly she wondered if the 20 minute window she had asked of the bouncer had ran down already. Her friends were top tier pranksters, she knew they could hold their own until she finished business. Yet the prank window started to feel like a countdown on her finesse, more so than a break from the top viewers of her story tonight. “Scary seeing you here, the one time I leave the house and you just happen to be everywhere.” She sounded smoother in her head, but she felt the delivery was nice. 

He smirked and licked his lips as he contemplated (what she imagined) a smoother response. SCORE! All she had to was keep her head in the game but not overthink it too much. She could do that, she was perfectly capable of doing that. 

“What, so now you’re scared of me? Personally I’d leave the house every night if it meant I’d be seeing you.” He had got her with that one. They were at a tie now, 1-1 but she was determined to win. “Everywhere, that is.” He breathed out. Ah damn it, that put him up by a point. 2-1. She couldn’t help the blush that had taken her cheeks hostage. If it hadn’t been for the dark scene of the club he would’ve reveled in the sight of her crimson painted face. She shook her head smiling. A thought came rushing in and flew out her mouth before she could stop it.

“Are you here with anyone else?” He leaned closer unable to hear her question clearly. “I mean did you come by yourself or were you planning on meeting up with someone?” She strained out into his ear. He grimaced as he shook his head. 

“No no, I’m here for Stevie he’s playing in the band later and knows the DJ that’s opening for the club tonight. He’s got a thing with your uh friend Jodie?” Y/N giggled. 

“You mean Cassie, Jodie plays the single game better than anyone I know!” She shouted over the music. Their bodies drew closer together to break the ice through the meaningless ritual of small talk. She was hotter now than she had been up against all the sweaty bodies that her’s had kissed to place her right up under her dreamboat of a man’s shoulders. 

“Yeah you’re right. I knew that sounded wrong as soon as it left my mouth, no offense to your friends.”

“None taken.”

It was in this moment they paused for what felt like eternity, she looking straight through his eyes and he the same. How did the world get so quiet in one of the hottest club openings of the summer? Typically these were the types of silences that sent her straight into her psyche, overloading with self-doubt and scheming with self-sabotage. It was a shared moment, amongst a throng of pulsing heartbeats and sex driven bodies that didn’t belong to each other. How could someone she imagined to be so like her manage to indulge in silence as she, even within the long 60 seconds of a minute? His hand brushing up on her arm catapulted her back to present time.

“Let’s go load up on these overpriced shots everyone’s been talking about. I’m sure we’ll find your friends somewhere in that vicinity.” He was funny too. Oh this wasn’t good. 

…

“Neck that shit! We’re not leaving this bar till you’re loose! I wanna dance not pretend to!!” Her voice had gotten scratchy from all the yelling and continuous shot after shot she shared with pretty boy. He could hold his liquor alright, which meant he had more drinking to do. She still hadn’t caught sight of Jodie or Cassie and 20 minutes had long gone and flown out the window. Somewhere around Shot #7 she had seen the band setting up the stage, and around Shot #8 she had ran to the bathroom in fear of her breakfast making a surprise appearance. Pretty boy who’s name was not to be disclosed while she was inebriated, had kept her afloat as her body fought with her to settle down the shots she had been throwing back. He had gotten tipsier with her, but certainly was not as drunk. 

She found that the more time she spent actively trying to be present in the moment with him and not keeping score of who’s flirtations grabbed each other more severely than the other, the further back she was sent into her mind. Now all the plans she had previously made with Jodie and Cassie began to make sense. She needed social interaction practice more than she had realized, especially if she hoped to make any progress in any type of relationship that was important to her. Yet all it took was a simple touch and she didn’t need to try to do anything other than just be with him. It made her more lovesick than the poison that was sitting at the pit of her stomach. He took three more shots and barely breathed between any of them. Even sober she knew she would have been in complete awe, he seemed indestructible. She tried to remember the score to humanize him, but couldn’t. This was worse than a high school crush. 

In a whirlwind of strong hands, loose limbs, counter tops, and knocked over shot glasses they found themselves on the dance floor. Only inches apart they laughed and boisterously sang into each other’s faces as the DJ slowed down the tempo of one song and smoothly transitioned into a little ol’ Jodeci mix for the 90s lovers crowd. Their bodies melded as he grabbed her by the waist and brought her in as if she had been waiting outside of his arms far too long. He giggled and dived into a hearty laugh as their bodies raised in shared heat. 

“This was a personal request of mine, I heard you were a fan.” At this she turned around and leaned her backside into his chest. There was no way she could hide the Cheshire grin that had stolen her face. She wanted to scream, tell the world this was the one for her. But reality was a humility to experience, although her heart and body was on fire, it was in this heat she observed from the outside looking in. They were a tipsy couple on the dance floor, seduced by the music and swayed by the tensions bubbling below. Attractive nonetheless, but fated lovers? Maybe a little less. 

She lay her head in his neck as they slow danced, she ground her hips into him with the strongest stance she could as he wrapped his arms around all he could. She didn’t know how to thank him other than this dance. Once the night was over she knew so would be the fantasy. Her lips began to burn with the incessant desire of kissing him, she wanted everything he could offer in the privacy of the night. Simultaneously, she wanted to be the good girl and let this moment be what it was, so that she may see him again in another context with the promise of running into him again and again. Shot #8 was throwing her for a doozy, she didn’t wanna be thinking she just wanted to be dancing. With him. 

So she did. Song after song had played and the grinding and slowness of it had gotten real dirty. She knew she was approaching that line, but her feelings had her trapped in between straight flying through it or just barely crossing it. His lips had teased up her neck until the band started their set. And as they played, his breath dedicated little songs between their bodies, hinting at painting where her jaw fell into her clavicle. He was a romantic surely, and had no problem romanticizing every bit of her as long as he could hold her. It was when his lips gently puckered right below her neck she was jolted out of her stupor. He was on his way to deliver another loving gift as such when she broke out of their shared embrace to look for her friends. 

The set had ended minutes ago and the band was packing up, she hadn’t seen Jodie or Cassie since before she had left them waiting outside unknowing to her little joke. She needed to find them before she went home with someone else. Y/N didn’t bother looking back as she hurriedly paced through the crowd, she figured she could call them but what was the use? She was already agile in speed now that his kiss had began to awaken a fire in her she was not prepared to tend. 

Suddenly a firm yet gentle grasp enclosed her lower arm, and brought her flying into a sturdy chest. 

“What the fuck was that?” His hostility made her wince. She knew she had been wrong to leave him stranded after such a sweet moment, but this was her hardwiring. She truly didn’t know any better. His breath hardened, he watched her face closely. “You just go flying off like some storybook princess, and expect me to chase you?”

Panic flooded her heart, she was horrible at confrontation when she didn’t have the upper hand. This was torture. 

“No of course not. I just-“

“You just what? I thought we were enjoying ourselves, did I do something wrong?”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to keep her voice from cracking. “No it’s me okay, I just need to find my friends.”

“I’m fuckin kissing you and I’m supposed to believe you were thinking about your friends?” 

“No! I just, I really like you okay and I don’t know where my friends are and it was just a lot. Please, I don’t expect you to understand.”

“No I wouldn’t either because that makes no fuckin sense. I’m supposed to believe you’re in love with me and that’s why you’re running off as soon-“ He shook his head stopping himself, disappointed. She hated seeing him like this, let alone being the reason for it. They were still so brand new to each other she never imagined herself on this side of things. Up until this moment she didn’t think she’d had any impact on his heart, she had thought it was all in her head. 

“I didn’t say I loved you okay, but yeah bitch I am in love with you, so what? You didn’t care until you had the liquor courage to make a move on me. You expect me to believe that all of tonight was genuine? From the very depths of your fuckin heart? Give me a break!” She wailed out. Sober her, would’ve never made a debacle of such a small piece of time shared between two unsuspecting lovers, and yet here she was. Pouring her heart and secrets out over the rim of Shot #8 and friends. When she had walked through the door at the beginning of the night, she wasn’t even certain she’d have the courage to talk to him. Now here they were arguing about unspoken truths, the residual of explosive feelings searing every memory of their night. 

“If I didn’t wanna be with you, sober or not I wouldn’t have even bothered.” His eyes spoke a sadness that wouldn’t be further communicated. Her trust had rampaged all over the beauty of what had been a long-lasting present moment. She finally cried, as her head hung low. It seemed to be the same story with every past lover in her life, pretty boy or not she had a habit of setting time bombs to experiences meant to stay timeless. She didn’t want to speak, out of fear that her sniffles may turn into catastrophic sobbing. 

“I guess we don’t know each other the way we had thought.” Her tears painted a treacherous history that couldn’t be further communicated. Alone in the corner hallway, encased by eccentric art filled walls and the dim lighting leading to the bathrooms something had changed. “I’m sorry.” Her shadow had reached out and he gently held her face wiping away tears. Time stood still once again for the pair, she couldn’t bare to look at him for the tears had not stopped and only seemed to downpour as he caressed her once more. 

“Don’t be. Go find your friends, I’ll be here again when the time is right.” He kissed her once softly. Then again as he held her body tightly against his own, fearful that he may never find her for time was never a friend of his. She melted into his lips, the warmth he bestowed made her yearn for strawberries under the sun and fresh out the dryer duvets she could hide under with him. Although she understood his haste to let her go, for their argument only revealed how much the other had undermined one another in the frequency of love, she seeped with regret immediately. Wishing she had been just a bit more perfect for them to have ended the night perfectly. 

As they parted she rushed in once more for one final tender kiss. She had worked up so much to enjoy him tonight, and now she was leaving him for an unforeseeable amount of time. If they both did this right, they’d meet again, but until then she’d just have to live. 

He blessed her neck and face before he walked away, unable to be the person left behind. He was not very good at goodbyes. Left in the hallway with her own guilt, she ambled her way out of the club no longer in search for her friends but just looking for a way home. 

[no-droids]

Home

gif credit: @javier-pena

Part Eighteen of the Rough Day Series

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 19.5K

Warnings: SMUT, religion kink (maybe?), squirting, consensual stalking/pursuing, canon-typical violence, mention of underage drinking, uhh I believe that’s it but as always, let me know if I’ve forgotten anything please!

A/N: Hey yall!!!  So I know this chapter has been a long time coming and though I’m not completely satisfied with it, I hope it brings a little happiness to you for an hour or two while you read!  School has been kicking my ass and I’ve been in a bit of an emotional slump recently, but I pulled a few all-nighters to post this on time and it’s finally finished!  Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me and sent me encouraging words over the past month or so, I hope you enjoy the end of the Sanctuary arc💕

Also like last time, part 2 of my collaboration with @followwhereshegoes will be posted after the chapter!!  As a reminder, sweet girl is a reader insert and every imagining of her will be different—this is Lisa’s interpretation of her and her artwork is absolutely gorgeous, so please go give her a follow!

Day 5–11:13am:

You zone out again in the early morning, but that happens a lot.  Din always keeps you up so late, all the time, and without any caf here, the rising sun just makes your eyes droop instead of flutter brighter and wider.  You helped a bunch of younglings find their way into their robes when it was still dark out, tying sashes and fitting masks while holding back your yawns.  The walk into Nariss is close to three hours, probably more with all these tiny little legs, and you almost forget to change into your new digs before everyone grabs breakfast.

Even though your ragtag entourage leaves for Nariss just as soon as everyone finishes eating, you don’t reach the city until nearly lunchtime.  Mostly because the kids walk about as fast as the elderly holy women chaperoning the trip.  You and Naydee lag behind the group, forcing yourself to meander slow as fuck when you nearly sprinted this same exact path just a few days ago.  On the way there, you listen to children of all sorts sing happily as they walk, chatter about their excitement for the parade, complain about wearing the fabric mask they made themselves, and more than once, somebody takes a tumble onto the ground and is left in teary sniffles and dirt stained clothes.  Likely for this reason, the robes are designed to be two pieces—a long tunic with a hood and a separate pants portion to prevent tripping instead of a draping skirt, but the smallest ones are clumsy and find a way to fall anyways.

It’s a colorful bunch—a chaotic rainbow of babies running around, and you share easy conversation with your new friend about the plans for the day until she asks something that makes you nearly trip and join the dirty robe club.

“Sister Drya said your family is meeting you in the city,” she tells you, ignoring your immediate subtle toe stub and the awkward shuffle you have to do to make up for it.  “There’s going to be lots of people downtown, I’m worried it might be hard for them to find you.”

Your heart thuds in your chest and you feel a bit short of breath at being abruptly confronted with the need to lie, but at the same time, you kind of love it.  Having a secret, hiding the truth from others, and just the reminder that you’re almost guaranteed to see Din and the baby before midnight pours warmth and tingles through your tummy.  Everything together is a hit of spice, filling you with a kind of excitement that used to be foreign to you.  Having fun, experiencing new things isn’t quite over yet, but home is calling and you miss it with every fiber of your being.

“I don’t think so,” you eventually respond, hoping she can see your kind smile and the sentiment it carries even as light, shimmery fabric wraps right around your mouth.  “If I disappear, you’ll know why.”

Naydee’s eyes crinkle in the corners to match yours.  “Hopefully you’ll be able to see the fireworks first,” she nudges you, her skin glowing against the pale cream fabric she has wrapped around her own mouth and the hood laying delicately over her braids.  “They start at eight.”

The fireworks, you almost forgot.  You know what?  Today is a good day.  You hear yourself think the full sentence multiple times, and the words put a spring in your step after every single one.  The road gradually becomes wider and filled with more travelers, and you feel safe in the back.  Like some kind of sheepdog bringing up the rear of this migrating cluster of children, making sure none of them drift off by themselves and start eating grass or something.

Surprisingly, the kids manage to be relatively patient and well-behaved once they’re in line at the gates.  The Sisters shuffle them along one by one as everyone moves up slowly, taking even longer to get into the city than it did a few days ago.  The entrance is packed already—so many people visiting for the festival, and they’re all dressed in costumes or robes of sorts, or at least a mask.  Most are beautifully crafted, but some manage to look slightly scary even with the soft springtime color schemes.  It’s a completely different world, a different life for each person as you pass them by.  Your stomach is starting to growl by the time you finally make it to the front, and luckily the guards just let the kids through without any ceremony.  Just you and the rest of the caretakers in light robes need to hold still for the retinal scan, matching each other perfectly except for differing shades of fabric, skin, and eye color.  Once the gates open for you and you step through, though… it’s… Maker.

Extravagant, magnificent are both words.  Floral is another.

It’s like they hung up bouquets wherever they could think to fit them, and this is just the edge of the city.  As the group moves through the streets and closer to downtown, it becomes more and more overwhelming.  The air itself is a warm fragrance wafting all around you, sunshiney and breezy and perfect, flowers of all kinds lining the modern buildings and archways like they were planted there from the very beginning and it just took this long to bloom between the cracks in the concrete.  You wish you had names for all of them so you could list them—the only thing you can offer is the color and vague descriptions of the ones that stick out to you.  Tiny yellow ones that are so small, they need to be bunched all together in massive quantities to even resemble normal flowers.  Up overhead, elaborate arrangements of enormous blue and purple and pink ones, wrapping around each other and hanging down from rooftops.  Some don’t even have petals, it’s like they’re big green cups that are big enough to hold things inside them.  You’re fascinated by every single one, wanting to stop and smell them all individually but needing to keep up with the large group and not allow any stragglers to be left behind, including yourself.

About an hour later, when you’re almost in the middle of the city and there are people everywhere, it’s time to eat lunch.  There isn’t much to it because of how expensive it is, and you’d normally feel bad for accepting the small meal each one of the children gets, but you donated all of your credits to the Keja and left absolutely zero for yourself.  Good intentions, terrible idea.  Still, you pull your mask down and snack on some deliciously fried food, trying not to eye anyone else’s platter after you finish yours.  It’s so good and it’s gone in an instant; you couldn’t even say what exactly it was besides which stall you got it at.  Whether it’s just the brilliant atmosphere or if the food on this moon is really just that good, you’re not really sure, but you’re still slightly hungry afterwards with no extra money to sneak a snack.

Soon after, the kids all line up to get their faces painted, or whatever portion of their face is visible behind the cloth masks and hoods they’ve got on, and music blares from at least four different directions and none of the songs are even in the same language.  Depending on the part of town, it seems like the celebrations are all different.  It makes sense, considering most if not all of these individuals were victims of the Empire’s wrath, spread far and wide across the galaxy.  Here, they’re free, and they want everyone to know it.  Spring festivals of some sort are likely common for most cultures, at least those from planets with seasons, not like Arvala-7 where it was arid and hot year-round, and you’re assuming there are multiple things being celebrated today depending on which street you live on.  There’s chanting in different tongues, dancing and drums, outfits and masks from different cultures every single time you look.

At some point, the children spot a crowded street with flowery rails set up all along them, and you stand behind the tiny heads while everyone waits for the parade to begin.  You think your heart has just been beating slightly faster than normal all day today, but when you finally hear the sound of sirens blaring in the distance and cheers begin to pour out from the gathered crowd, it kicks up and you feel like you’re just as wide eyed at the spectacle as the waist-high babies all huddled together up against the railing.

A flurry of people and things pass in slow succession.  First, New Republic officers with their blaring holobikes, bright orange as always.  Then come large groups of people walking behind banners in languages you can’t read, some of them waving, some of them making different sounds and songs.  Bands marching in formation, dancers in dresses and masks and gorgeous flowers in their hair like crowns, and then brilliant hovering vehicles decorated in bright colors and festive depictions.  The craftsmanship and cultural significance is stunning to witness, it’s so insanely loud, there’s so much going on, and yet…

Through it all, you think of Din.  No matter the faces, the sights you see.  There’s someone juggling.  There’s either a very tall man and woman walking together or they’re both on stilts.  There are enormous balloons being led through the air, people are riding atop an assortment of animals you’ve never seen before, there are traditional costumes and spectacular stunts being performed.  Stalls with games and prizes line the stretches of concrete on the cross streets, people are laughing and celebrating and drinking in equal parts, everything is so lively and festive and fun, and yet, though it all, you think of Din.  Him and the baby, they’re always in the forefront of your mind, occupying your thoughts and making your tummy stir more and more as the time passes like the parade in front of you.  You don’t think this environment would ever be his favorite, and in some far away galaxy, perhaps if you lived other lives together and called a beautiful moon exactly like this home, then you might have to drag him out to see all the with you and the kid every year.  You’d have to bat your eyelashes and kiss his cheek and snuggle up to him all nice and pretty like, and he’d probably grumble and complain about it while wrapping his arms around you—all the people and the noise, sweet girl—but he’d go.  For you, he’d go.

Your thoughts suddenly stop short and you blink for a second.  Why… Why was that scene so vivid?  So wistful?  You used to preoccupy yourself with fantasies about Din all the time, back before you even knew him as Din.  But in every single one, it was sexual and likely came from a place of boredom, a lack of external stimulation.  Here you are amidst bustling surroundings, and you’re daydreaming about domesticity with him.  Why?  You want to travel the galaxy, right?  You want to see things you’ve never seen before, right?

For some reason, you think of the floor, and you miss it.

***

Day 5—5:04pm:

It’s late afternoon at this point and nobody can find the teens.

More people have made their way into the city and it’s starting to get extremely fucking crowded, especially where you are downtown, and the handful of them must’ve slipped away with all the excitement happening and how difficult it is to keep the young ones together now that the parade is over.  You don’t know how long they’ve been gone—one second they were walking around just slightly detached from the rest of you, you assumed because the boisterous younglings fucked with their cool vibe, and then the next Naydee is gasping out to you that they’re gone.

“Sister Drya is going to kill me,” she hisses, her dark eyebrows furrowed in self-admonishment and stress.  So many fucking people here, you know her pain.  “I was supposed to be chaperoning them, they were just here—”

She shakes her head under the loose, cream-colored hood, groaning and then speeding up her gait to catch up with the woman in charge, but you decide to grab her wrist before she can relay the bad news.  

“I can go find them,” you offer, speaking as low as you can with the blaring noise surrounding you.  “Before anyone knows they’re missing.  Is there a way to convince everybody to stay in one spot for a little while?  You won’t get in trouble, but I need to know how to find you again.”

Naydee’s eyes widen in surprise, and even though it’s likely a bit out of character for you, you have a feeling it’ll be a deceptively easy task.  Even with the masses right now and how atrociously big this city is, you already have a general idea of where they’re likely to be.  Besides, you’re not even sure your absence will be noticed if Naydee is the only one who figured out the teens were gone—the other Sisters can thrive without you while missing anyone else would be noticeable, and you owe your new friend a thousand favors for helping you out these past few days.  The least you can do is save her from the scolding of one of the scariest old ladies you've ever met.

“Be as quick as you can,” she finally agrees.  It’s a lot of trust to put into you, but you’ve had experience in reading the most unreadable man in the entire galaxy, some teenagers shouldn’t pose too much of a problem.  “If you’re not back in thirty minutes or somebody notices, I’ll have to say something.”

You nod, silently breaking away from the group without another word.  You think you can hear her announce to everyone that it might be best to eat dinner now to skip any long lines later—smart—but you’re out of their hearing range and line of sight almost immediately.

***

Day 5–5:17pm:

“Really?”  You raise an eyebrow since they won’t be able to see the way your mouth is twisted up underneath your mask, crossing your arms and tapping your foot against the ground to further illustrate just how not fucking impressed you are.

Seven teenagers freeze, and slowly—depending on how much bravery they can individually muster—they turn around on their stools to face you.  The atmosphere in the tavern is bustling and cheery, booze being passed around a large crowd that laughs and mingles, but your vibe is stone cold and quiet.  The contrast doesn’t feel wrong on you like it normally would; the negative and disapproving energy you’re emitting makes you feel powerful, untouchable, armored and strong.

“How did you find us so fast?”  One of the twin boys squeaks out behind a light blue robe, sounding worried.

“Had a hunch,” you grumble, glaring sternly at each of them in turn.  Your tone is dry, your voice sits lower in your throat when you’re pissed off.  All you had to do was look for the closest bar that doesn’t have any orange jumpsuits poking around waiting to card underage younglings, it wasn’t that difficult.  “You’re not exactly unpredictable.”

“Are you gonna rat us out?”  The other twin asks you, in a voice that’s oddly deep compared to his brother.

“I should,” you snap, quickly reaching out to push their drinks away.  “I should let Sister Drya rain down her holy fury on your asses, got good people all twisted up over you for nothing and I’m missing dinn—”

You don’t know why, but you suddenly cut yourself off and jerk upright, spinning around.

The sounds of glasses clinking and boisterous voices fill the bar, but they seem to fade out for a second.  Your eyes fly around the crowded space, your heart lodged in your throat and looking for anything reflective.  Every flash you see is a false alarm—belt buckle, wristwatch, cocktail shaker—

He’s here… isn’t he?

Only, there’s nothing.  Nothing is out of place, nothing jumps out at you the way you’re assuming it will.  You’re braced taut and ready to bolt at the first sign of a chase, but it never comes.

It’s so… unexpected, this feeling.  It’s not like you’re being hunted anymore, but instead, you’re the hunter.  You’re feeling the weight of him from this far away and it’s like he’s calling for you to come find him, teasing the wild adrenaline rush you get from just feeling his presence, as if he absolutely knows it happens.  Whispering soft in your ear and then vanishing the second you’re able to turn around, like he’s here but he’s not.  Playing with you from so far away.

This… this is a taunt.  

The whole thing at the inn was leagues below this, that was rudimentary.  Teasing, getting even, having fun with each other, whatever you want to call that, that’s what it was.  This is scarily sophisticated.  Fluid and practiced and the best kind of frightening, stark and dangerous compared to the carefree and upbeat setting surrounding you.  You’re not making it up, it’s not just you being paranoid.  You know him with your eyes closed.  You know he’s here somewhere watching you, just like you know the starlight that streaks across the pitch black horizon of hyperspace.  Not because you can see it, not really, not directly.  But because by it, even in the vastest and darkest and emptiest of voids, you’re suddenly able to see everything else.

“You okay, Nerida?”

The volume gradually comes back up and you blink, suddenly remembering where you are, who else is with you.  The chatter becomes slightly louder than it seemed before.

“Yeah,” you eventually say, slightly airy while continuing to stare emptily at the crowded room.  He’s not here, you don’t think, not anymore at least.  But you’re not stupid, you know what this means.  You’re already caught, there’s nothing you can conceivably do that will delay the reunion for the next—you look down and pull the loose sleeve up to check your communicator—seven fucking hours, there’s no way.  He’ll pull back and follow you, keep up with you from a distance and then snatch you away right when you let your guard down.  You at least need to get the kids back to their guardians before that can happen, though.

“Let’s go,” you quietly tell the group of foundlings, grabbing elbows and hauling them out of their stools.  “Naydee was the only one who knew that you were gone when I left.  Here’s to hoping she managed to keep it that way.”

***

Day 5–5:32pm:

Against all odds, you’re able to rally the wayward teens and successfully lead them through shoulders that are beginning to move closer together as the crowd grows and grows.  You stay towards the back and don’t look behind you once—not only do you not want to give the younglings an unnecessary reason to become paranoid or to question your actions, but you can still feel Din lingering.  Moving like a shadow, probably fitting in perfectly with the masked festival-goers, nothing drawing any attention to him with all the spectacular sights and noise occurring.

Soon you return to the same spot from before, and you and the teenagers seamlessly integrate yourselves back into the rest of the group without anyone noticing a thing is out of place.  When you move to stand beside her, Naydee’s bone-deep sigh of relief is palpable even behind the concealing fabric; she squeezes your hand incredibly tight in a silent gesture of thanks, and then pulls something from the deep pockets of her robe and passes it to you sneakily.  A purple fruit.  She must’ve saved it for you.

Maker, fuck yes.  It’s not much but it’s more dinner than any of the seven troublemakers get, but Naydee quietly assures you they’ll be able to eat something once they return to the Keja around midnight, just not the tasty expensive treats they’re selling at the vendors.  As the sun goes down, you try not to stain your pretty fabric a deep maroon as you chomp and feel your lips start to curl upwards.  It sounds so fucking stupid when you put it like this, but you keep going back to Din and revelling in knowing that he’s so close, like you’re just mentally checking in on him.  You don’t get the sensation by thinking, though—more like you just focus really hard on your heart and feel him there just a second afterwards.

Is that how pure, stupid, shameless love feels when you’re completely entrenched in it?  It’s not like it’s surrounding you, it’s not suffocating you or making you float.  It’s just a thing.  Like… a thing inside your chest, a physical thing you can search for and find, something you can point to on your body and say it’s right here, this is where my love for him lives.  Right at the bottom of your heart, right where it curves and beats strong when other hearts meet flat at sharp angles.  You do it over and over again, reconfirming its existence every single time.  You don’t know what else you’d call it.  Love is the only word.  To love, to know.  To hold in the heart.

Soon, you start to notice that people are slowly moving around your stationary group.  You look up and watch the crowd begin to walk, some of them giving soft smiles to the cute children as they pass by, but all of them following the same unspoken direction.

“Where is everyone going?”  You ask Naydee, standing on your tiptoes to watch the crowd migrate like a giant system, an organism or mechanism of thousands (or tens of thousands?) of smaller moving parts all traveling in tandem.  It’s fascinating—you’ve been to crowded places, you know what it looks like when a lot of people are packed into one area, but you’ve never seen what it looks like when they all move together.  They would normally be bumping into each other, slipping in between, fighting and never really getting anywhere, interacting individually and thinking separately.  Now they’re progressing in one single direction, so many with the same mindset and understanding of what comes next.  A second parade, almost, with New Republic officers directing the flow of pedestrians as they pass.

“The eastern part of the city!”  Naydee yells over the noise and points, and beyond her extended finger, you can barely see the light of a dusky body of water in the distance beyond the buildings.  “The fireworks are going to go off over the bay, but it takes awhile to get there!”

“Is…”  You blink for a second, suddenly caught off guard, trying to think back to the holomap the concierge pulled up at the front desk of the inn.  Surely you would’ve noticed it, but your sudden childlike hope makes you ask anyway.  “Is it part of an ocean?”

Naydee shakes her head.  “A really big lake!”

Your shoulders drop just the slightest bit in disappointment but still, you ache to see it.  You can’t even imagine—the fireworks are likely going to reflect across the water, giving everyone double the view.  And luckily, after all the children and caretakers are individually accounted for, you start to behind the slow-moving crowd towards the docks you know lie beyond.  

Naydee scurries ahead to keep the kids together, ushering them forward and preventing any drunk passer-bys from accidentally stepping on them, and you quietly bring up the very rear of the entourage.  You take the time to observe more than anything, walk in the back and experience instead of trailblaze.  So many people, so many stories to be told, so many differences and diversity around you.  Your face is partially concealed and you don’t move your head too much, just your eyes.  They flick around to take in everything, the crowd thinning little by little as you make it out of the confined space downtown.  You’re able to make out full bodies and outfits again instead of just heads and shoulders, allowing you to breathe just a bit easier under your mask.

And then at one point—and it’s almost a little startling because it happens all at once—the organizers must decide that the sun has officially gone down, because the lights come on.  All of a sudden, paper lanterns and bulbs flicker into existence all around you and the world decides it wants to glow, glint and twinkle from the inside out.  They’re everywhere, draping across rooftops and tangled around street signs and stuffed into the flower bouquets overhead, raining soft colors down on everything.  You’re in complete awe, trying to keep walking but also needing to look at as much as fucking possible in the suddenly luminescent city.  It’s so colorful, so vernal and warm and you feel like you’re… Like when you took a shower on the Crest for the first time and spent a few happy moments just playing with the water and soap for your own enjoyment, it’s as if all the brilliant rainbow of colors the bubbles would make under the fluorescent light decided to surround you at the same time.  You’re inside stained glass, blinking at the flowers and wondering if Din can even smell the air or if it’s filtered, processed and reduced to nothing under the helmet.

And that’s when you see him.

But with the way your chest rapidly constricts and you can count your heart beats as they pound, blaring white noise through your ears and adrenaline through your veins, it’s like he's just allowing it to happen.  You immediately understand that you don’t have fucking anything the second your eyes land on him; this isn’t a heads up that you caught wind of early, it’s not a gift or an advantage you’ve incidentally gained over him that you should be thankful for.  Being able to see him directly like this, being able to make out all these fucking details from this far away…  This just feels like you’re being informed of the endgame right before it comes.  If you were anyone else, if you were a real bounty and this was a real hunt, his armor glinting and reflecting the lanterns overhead would feel like a knife you're about to be on the wrong side of.

You have a decision to make, very quickly.  Either keep in this same direction, head straight towards him and just pretend like you are who you’re dressed as, a random caretaker for a bunch of rowdy foundlings during a spring festival on Nariss, or disappear.  Drop back, move through the crowd and use the distance you have between you right now as your only hope of getting away in time.  Neither one gives you a particular advantage—your chances of being caught have already skyrocketed exponentially just being able to see the reflection in his armor, the hovering shield at his side with big black eyes… staring directly at you.

You almost trip over your pantlegs, gasping.  Baby.  He beams at you and you think he calls out through the passing crowd, his tiny arms extending out, and your chest feels like you’re pulling organs as if they were muscles, cramping up and seizing with emotion.  You want to run to them even though you’re meant to be running from them, call out over the noise and wave even though you’re not supposed to.  You want to hold the kid again, squish his little forehead with kisses, walk around with Din’s hand pressed against your lower back and see the fireworks with him.

Your hands clutch at the draping fabric covering your chest, pulling and twisting it uncertainly.  What do you do, what do you do?

No matter what, you know it’s over.  Keep your head down and try to move past him, or break away from your group and try to escape—both are different paths that lead to the same result.  What’s the point of running when he’s the one chasing you?  The heart-pounding thrill is the only reason you’re even considering it, but his body stands so tall amongst the crowd, not moving while people ebb and flow like a river passing around him.

Except then you can hear his voice repeat the last thing he said to you in person as if he says it directly into the comm in your ear.  When you do see me… try to outrun.

You should run—run, it’s better than just hoping he doesn’t see you when you already know he does.

Unless…

Out of a trillion different possibilities, you soon realize that there is exactly one situation in which this could turn out in your favor.  You can immediately picture the scenario in your mind, but there’s just too many variables to conceivably rely on getting them all right.  This maybe has a… two percent chance of working?  Maybe?  Everything would have to go perfectly, just fucking flawlessly, but what other choice do you have?  Two percent is better than whatever odds you’re dealing with now.

You walk silently behind the group of foundlings as you approach closer and closer, keeping your head purposefully down as they skip and giggle and dance ahead.  He knows you’re here—he has to know, you’re counting on him knowing.  Walk right in front of him, pretend like you don’t see, make sure you keep left.  Keep left, keep left, keep your head down, keep your head down—

A leather glove suddenly catches hold of your wrist hard enough to tug you backwards.

Your gasp is audible over the sound of the crowd and you spin around, jerking your head up to look at him in fear.  Your heart slams as the beskar reflects your mask and hood back at you—you’re terrified and it shows, you can see it in your eyes.

You quickly try to yank your hand away, even as your index finger stretches up towards the communicator around his wrist.

“Miss Nerida?”  A child’s voice cries, and then small hands grab at you from behind as you bury the urge to actually fight him.  Your instincts are demanding you attack when his grip is this strong, but you just whine and struggle, slapping weakly at him with your free hand and feeling more of the younglings begin to pull at you, their high pitched voices calling more and more attention to the scene.

Your gaze flicks to the side, suddenly landing on a pair of New Republic officers helping direct the thousands of moving bodies from the closest street corner.  They’re looking at you, pointing and beginning to speak into their own comm units.  Din’s helmet snaps sideways to follow your gaze, and then he’s immediately dropping your wrist and stepping back, retreating as quickly as he caught you.  Though you don’t want to—though you don’t want to give yourself away even more, you want to pretend fully that he was a complete stranger and the children were right to try to help you get away—your eyes fall to your son in the hovering crib by his side and you feel yourself crumble just a bit.

Just a few more hours, kid.  A few more hours.

Children pull you away while your pursuers both disappear into the crowd, and you quickly turn to soothe the tiny babies instead of chasing after the one you miss so terribly.

“I’m alright,” you tell them, scooting them up and encouraging them to continue walking.  Blend in, blend in, don’t let anybody think anything is wrong.  “Come on, we’re fine, come on, we have to catch up.”

They take your lead as soon as one of the caretakers turns around and sees the small group crowding around you.  You think she asks what happened, but you just tell her a man mistook you for someone else and nothing more comes of it.  She’s able to settle the chaos better than you are, and by the time you’re continuing to travel forwards once more like nothing happened, the communicator suddenly flicks on in your ear.

“What did you do?”  He breathes out, his footsteps moving fast through his voice.  He’s traveling much quicker than you expected—is he still being followed?  The officers are gone from your sight, they might be going after him right now, weaving between bodies and calling out to the perpetually vanishing glint of armor as he navigates his way out of danger.

You look down at the comm on your wrist and your heart nearly soars with victory.  It worked.  It worked.  You just have to outlast a bit longer, don’t draw any extra attention to it—he’s preoccupied and he certainly doesn’t sound happy, but you hope that’ll be enough to make him slip.  Use his frustration to your advantage, let him think the only thing you were successful at was momentarily escaping him.

“The cops weren’t part of the plan,” you admit quietly, keeping your head down as your loose hood billows in the twilight breeze.  “Don’t get caught.”

There’s a few moments of just his breathing, his footsteps, and the noise floor humming through the comm, before he finally responds.  “You look beautiful.”

You stare unseeingly down at the concrete under your feet, still feeling your hand tingle from where he caught you.  The line abruptly mutes on his end and you just keep moving forward, onward, wanting to look back but knowing he’s already long gone.

***

Day 5–5:24pm:

Din is fucking furious.

He had you.  You were right there, right in front of him, and even if he hadn’t been subtly trailing you all day, seeing the red footsteps get covered and flicker out of existence just a few moments after you make them, he would’ve recognized you anywhere.  In black and white, in the fading light, with your face covered, children calling you by a different name and attaching themselves to you like they’ve known you forever—doesn’t matter, he would’ve known you.  Your eyes have always given you away, always so expressive and starry and soft, but able to see right through solid steel whenever you look at him.

But then you slipped from his grasp, and then more guards pushed him further and further away from you.  They must all be in constant communication, because every single jumpsuit he sees immediately spots him and starts following.  It’s fucking exhausting, and he thinks of you the whole time.

He waits in a dark alley with the kid and taps the side of the helmet a few times to bring up the time on his comm, but then relaxes just slightly when he sees the hour.  It’s earlier than he thought it was, he’ll be able to find you again.

Though, something tugs at him while he’s looking at the clock ticking away in front of his eyes, counting down each second that passes.  There was… a moment.  Back in the square, when he was holding onto you again, when you were looking directly into his once more—everything in his helmet— 

No, he shakes his head while the kid looks up at him curiously, it can’t be.  It was just a split second, it was gone so fast.

But he can’t get rid of it.  Though there’s no explanation, he thinks the display screen flickered.  The sky behind you looked different for a single frame, your footsteps weren’t bright red and visible anymore, your eyes weren’t grey and he stopped wondering what shade of fabric you and your friend decided to choose for you to wear.  It was silvery, he’s almost certain.  Like his armor, it only reflected the color of everything around it.

Color.  Everywhere.  Bursting for a blink of an eye, and then gone just as quick, before he could actually figure out what it really meant.

***

Day 5–6:59pm:

This water is quiet here, but it sparkles.

It doesn’t ever really get truly dark thanks to the enormous hanging moon and ringed gas giant dancing with Sanctuary II, constantly reflecting light back onto the surface and reacting with some of the trace chemicals up above the atmosphere, and you think the sky just might be the prettiest you’ve ever seen it.  Must have something to do with the equinox, the glimmering angles of light being played with by celestial bodies in this stunning system, but it’s a dream.  The Maker apparently couldn’t decide which colors he wanted tonight so he just splashed all of them together all at once, let them run and blend like ink in the gentle water below, like the various people who call this moon home.

That view in front of you, coupled with all the flowers and lanterns lining the streets behind you, and you’ve lost track of time the exact same way you hoped Din would.  You think you’ve stood for about an hour or so in this one spot, half-listening to excited chatter from the babies, mostly just gazing across the stretch of water and being able to just barely spot the docks in the distance, but it feels like it’s only been minutes.

You check your watch—the fireworks should be starting any second now.  You don’t know what to expect, just that in your experience, explosions tend to be loud.  You've decided you’re not going to plug your ears, though.  Tummy twisting with nerves and another inexplicable feeling you can’t quite put your finger on, you resolve to experience the unknown exactly the way it’s meant to be.  Fully, without worry or fear.

Then, lacking any warning or ceremony whatsoever, a single flare launches silent and high from one of the small boats skimming the bay, and the crowd seems to hold its collective breath as the dim light disappears into thin air for a split second, before—

It’s… quite possibly the most dazzling thing you think you’ve ever seen.  So shamelessly decorative just for the sake of it, not serving any other practical purpose besides celebration and visual spectacle, and you’ll probably never know another extravagance like it.  You grew up with dust pelting against tired eyes, you never thought they’d get to reflect such gorgeous bursts of color back up at the sky, glassy and childlike amongst a group of equally wide-eyed children.

As expected, a deafening boom follows closely behind the singular display, but just witnessing it is incredible enough to make you forget to brace yourself for the sound and you jump almost violently in response.  There comes a loud cheer from the people standing around you, a few delighted gasps and children who decide now is the best time to start crying, but then more flares begin to launch from the boats and the subsequent show will sear itself into your memory to replay over and over again.

Still, you think the endless sky and dark water below would have to light on fire to stop him from coming to mind.

Din.

You click the comm on, continuing to stare in stunned awe but wanting nothing more than to hear his voice right now, feel his hand rest on your lower back and the kid’s three fingers squeezing one of yours while the stars rain down from above.  You’re only continuing to run from him because it’s expected of you, that’s the reason you’re here, but it’s becoming harder and harder to argue with yourself.  “Do you always see in black and white?”

It takes him just a few seconds to respond, but he always does.  “Only when I’m tracking someone.”

The loud booms can be heard over the earpiece, happening maybe a second after they crack and sparkle above you.  You can’t tell if the latency is due to the electronics or if he’s just that far away from the source of the sound itself, but… you don’t think he is.  He feels close again, like he could just walk up right next to you any second, or maybe that’s just how he always feels now.

“Does that mean you haven’t seen the sky here?”  You ask after a moment.  This whole time, everything has been grey for him?

“I saw it,” Din murmurs, and even though it’s quiet and explosions are thundering loud enough to deafen more sensitive ears, his quiet voice somehow breaks through it all.  “When you left the Crest, I saw it behind you.”

For some reason, you suddenly feel like crying.  Whether it’s the way he phrases it or the sentiment in the words, you’re close to tears without even knowing why, looking up at the sky illuminating spectacularly.  He says it like he wasn’t the one who parked on this moon and told you to go on without him.  “Can you… turn it off for just a second?”

He takes a second, before clarifying for you.  “I turn it off and I lose your footprints.”

So that was the ultimatum.  He doesn’t want to turn it off until you’re back with him again.  Does he not understand?  Does he not know what you know?  Maybe you just happened to feel it first, this overwhelming physical sensation inside you whenever you think about him.  It’s like the exact opposite of a hole in your chest.  And it’s so odd, so counterintuitive.  Being comforted in his absence, feeling him with you when he isn’t.  Falling in love in the dark, knowing him without ever seeing him.

“You never needed them,” you say, reaching up to pull your mask down under your jaw and chin for a moment, wanting to freely breathe the freshwater and flowers while stars explode and fracture across the sky.  It’s a truth you’re acknowledging, something you’ll carry with you, something you fundamentally own at this point.  “You’d find me without the helmet.  And I’d find you.”

The fireworks continue to bleed into the water beneath them, multicolor splashes rippling into existence and disappearing just as quick.  You could’ve never imagined a more colorful, magnificent landscape—besides your waterfall on Naboo, of course.  That was a pure product of nature though, a place hidden away and untouched by people, completely sacred.  Light refracting against mist, natural glass that would shatter under your weight.  This is a celebration of life and family.  Loud in a different way, affecting you in a different way, but just as wonderful and touching.  A cultivated paradise, designed to be beautiful and safe only because they wanted it to be.

“Think so?”  He asks softly.  He sounds so deep and warm, but… a little distant.  You’re able to hear it in his words.  You don’t know why, though.  Doesn’t he believe you?  Perhaps… perhaps this isn’t The Way.  Perhaps this is part of a completely different oath, one where knowing and loving somebody isn’t the same thing as looking at their face, not at all.  Where you can have them exist entirely separate from each other, because this is love.  This is real, enduring, bone-deep love, and you haven’t ever seen his face, so how would he explain that?  How would the Mandalorians reconcile that?  You bear the mark of the mudhorn, you’ve moved through time and space with him, you’re a mother to his son, and you’ve never seen his face.  It defies both the Mandalorian oath and traditional understandings of love, or it meets them right in the middle, depending on how you look at it.

“I know so.”  For the first time, you think you might sound more confident and certain than he does.  Maybe he doesn’t fully get it yet, but then you suppose he’ll just have to trust you.  “Will you look at the sky?”

“I see it,” Din tells you, but you know he doesn’t.  Not the way you want him to.  And stars, you just want so many things for him, don’t you?  The sky, fresh air, water, light, food, rest.  You want him to see the galaxy the way you do—have a new appreciation for the gifts that are given just because you’re alive to experience them.  All the physics and mathematics aligned perfectly for it to happen—all the chemistry, the systems, the dynamics that dictate the universe, they all got together and crafted a world where you, him, and the kid all exist together at the same time.  You want him to know the significance of that.

“With color?”  You ask, knowing his answer before he seems to.

“I…”  Din wants to argue, or at least say it again.  He can’t or he’ll lose you, he already told you he doesn’t want to turn the setting off.  It’s such an unnecessary conflict, but you want to respect it so much that you’re willing to give up things of your own to make it happen.

“How do I fix it then?”  You whisper, so desperately wanting this one thing for him, this one grandeur to behold.  How do you fix this problem?  How do you convince him to look with you?  You’d offer to just go and find him instead of continuing to run away for the next few hours, but you know the show will be over soon and you don’t have much time left.  “Do you want me to come look for you?  It’ll be too late by then, you’re too far away.  Look at the sky.”

It’s silent for a moment—truly silent, even though colorful bombs are going off above the bay.  You don’t know why you’ve attached yourself to this so strongly, but it’s almost devastating when you don’t get a response.  You look away from the spectacle for the first time in an eternity, gazing unseeingly into the crowd of onlookers with a sudden sadness taking hold of you.  He won’t look, he’s too stubborn, he holds onto things too tightly.

But then, a flurry of flares start launching in rapid succession from the distant boats, screaming and crying on their way up and then igniting into showers of light, and the abrupt increase in activity manages to catch your attention once again.  This must be the end, they saved the best for last.  Every corner of the horizon flashes and sparks, and you’re mesmerized at how bright it is, how many colors they’ve managed to fit into one single frame.

“It’s beautiful,” comes his voice, and the smile that you break into feels just right for the brilliance of the view above you.  Maker, it is, isn’t it?  Now you can hear it—he sounds like he’s looking at it too, with color, in all its breathtaking glory, and you feel like you’re flying.  Like he picked you up and let you watch up close, like you can feel his armor under your fingers right now as he carries you through the sky.

It swells up inside you, a rising wave similar to the ones you can see in the distance, and you know you probably shouldn’t say it because it’s not in your best interest to say it right now, but you have to say it anyways.  It’s an unknowable compulsion, a need to connect and communicate directly with him but for your sake, not presently, not at this exact moment in time.

Luckily, you mute your comm just in time and simply give the words to him from very far away.

“Hurry up,” you say, sending the sentiment into the sky with all your love, and the conflicting hope that he won’t take the advice until a bit later on.  “Come and find me.”

***

Day 5–7:37pm:

After the fireworks are over, people start to drift off in separate directions, clearing the traffic and congestion from the streets around you.  Someone puts their hand on your shoulder and you blink a few times, spinning around and almost stepping on a bunch of tiny little feet by accident.

Stars, that’s a lot of children.  They’re all crowded around Naydee, who pats a few heads and almost buckles under the younglings clinging to her leg.

“Figured you would be long gone by now,” she grins at you from behind her mask, and you’re reminded to pull yours up over your face just from looking at her.  “It’s late—we’re going back to the Keja.”

“Oh, shit,” you breathe in surprise, but the noise of the gradually dispersing crowd manages to cover it up.  At least from younger, more easily distracted ears, but you think Naydee hears you.  Her dark eyes roll good-naturedly, looking happy but exhausted from the long day.  You’re going to have to say goodbye now.

“What happened to your family?”  She asks after a moment, and you think she’s being careful with the way she says it, likely because family is a difficult topic to navigate in general around some of the children hanging on her and begging for her attention.  “Have you been in touch with them?  If not, I’m sure you can come back with us.  It’ll be late by the time we get there, but at least you’ll be safe.”

You open your mouth to automatically decline her offer, knowing Din is still in the crowded city looking for you and wanting to stay where there’s lots of people.

But then… well, he would expect you to do that, wouldn’t he?

There’s more people here.  More danger, but better places to hide.  It’s the obvious choice, it’s the one that makes the most logical sense.  But you’d also be completely alone and you’re assuming the only reason he hasn’t snatched you up yet—which you know he could’ve done multiple times by now, is likely because you’re with a group of innocent foundlings, moody teenagers, and very stern older women.  He probably doesn’t realize you’ve told them about him and the kid, though you were slightly vague on the details.

It’s also a little over three hours to get back, but you’re banking on it being closer to four with how whiney and tired some of the small voices sound, others sounding like they’re an enormous sugar rush contained into a tiny little capsule.  Would he have the gall to try and get you right from under their noses?  Will he even know you left the city, or will he assume you made the smartest decision possible and simply account for it ahead of time?  No, you're overthinking it, just make a decision and stick with it.

“There’s also free food,” Naydee shrugs while you’re still considering, but… well, that settles that.  Almost three days of friendship and she already knows exactly how to win you over in the end.  Sustenance for your empty tummy, an escort the entire way there, and heavily guarded walls beyond.  Din will have to get creative in response—you flaunted your imagination for days, coming up with dozens of evasion tactics to outlast him, but this one just seems… incredibly practical.  Exploiting a weakness of his—isolating it, having it be reinforced by precedent, and then taking advantage of it.  You bet he’ll catch on, but still, it’ll make it more difficult for him, and you’re grasping at straws to hang on just a little longer.

“I…”  Quick, come up with something.  You clear your throat.  “The city is too crowded, I haven’t been able to find them.  I could just… tell them where I’m headed and see if they can find me along the way?”

Naydee smiles and nods.  “Sounds perfect.”

Yet, the entire walk back… you keep thinking you’re going to feel Din trailing behind you, waiting to feel the nerves twist in your tummy and your palms to sweat, but you don’t.  You keep glancing over your shoulder and then down at your wrist, needing to talk yourself out of addressing him through the comm to let him know exactly what the plan is.  You like maintaining a sense of secrecy from the new characters you’ve met on your adventures—Naydee, Karga, Peli—almost everyone you’ve been introduced to, you found a way to find a subtle enjoyment in hiding certain things from them.  But with Din, you don’t have any walls.  They crumbled nearly a full year ago when he silently pushed a cauterizer in your hand and took his armor off for you, and you’ve felt the inexplicable need to bare yourself to him in return ever since.  It would be to your extreme detriment to do it now, but you still have to fight the urge.

Even if you don’t feel him following, you still find yourself acting like he is.  Constantly turning back to double check the road behind you, drifting off in the middle of shallow, distant conversations with tiny foundlings who can’t tell the difference, keeping towards the middle of the pack this time to avoid being picked off towards the back.  The belltower at the orphanage is loud and will ring for quite a distance, so your timing has to be utterly pristine for this to all work out.  You eye your comm the entire way there, trying to stall just the right amount to avoid any realizations or fall into any traps he may be setting for you.

You eventually leave the city walls far behind you, and now you have no clue where he is.  You lost him, and maybe that’s why you feel your heart beat insanely fast the whole time.  He could be anywhere now.  Behind you, adjacent, parallel—you can’t decide where to look, but it keeps you wide awake and focused while the group tiredly travels back to the temple.

***

Day 5–11:32pm:

You can see it in the distance, the brick buildings slowly coming into view.  One might think your stress would have worked itself out by now, been brought back to a manageable level after four hours of walking, but you’ve been on red alert for the past hour or so.  Any movement or rustle that doesn’t come from the sleepy children or exhausted caretakers, you’re on top of it, snapping your attention to the offending tree or animal and not being able to relax even after affirming it’s just nature, it’s not shiny metal bounding after you in the darkness, ready to take you down.

The infants are all likely snoozing away in the nursery, and the Sister who volunteered to stay behind and look after them comes to greet the group at the gate as you approach.  Like always, two Brothers open the iron bars to allow you inside, and you feel the anxiety dig its claws into your tummy.  If Din is going to get you, this is the very last moment to do it.  These walls are guarded and you’re nervous for him, you’re nervous for yourself—you’re just fucking nervous.  Jumpy and worried, not being able to pinpoint him anymore and feeling all the more anxious because of it.

It doesn’t feel right.  Nothing feels right about this, but you can’t figure out specifically what’s wrong.  This was the exact plan, this was a way for you to just survive these last few hours and yet, it doesn’t feel right that you actually succeeded in doing so.  It doesn’t make sense that he’d allow you to return all the way here, especially when he was close enough to touch you earlier.  Din has had so much time to snatch you up, so many opportunities to lure you away, confront you—anything to catch you, and he hasn’t done it yet.  Why?  Either you truly did escape and he has no idea where you are, which doesn’t feel right, or he’s choosing not to get you for whatever reason, which also doesn’t feel right.  What’s he waiting for?  You can’t have won.  It was all too fucking easy, you’re expecting to see him around every single corner because he should be there, he shouldn’t have allowed this to happen.

When someone gently touches your elbow, you’re so on edge that you nearly whip around in surprise.

“Sorry!”  Naydee immediately apologizes, taking her hand back to lift her hood and remove the mask covering her face.  “Didn’t mean to scare you!  I was just going to say that the commissary is still open,” she offers, and you watch the small group of hungry teenagers break off from the group to make their way there.  “It’s going to take awhile to get the children ready for bed, so we’ll be in the dormitories if you need to sleep.  Otherwise, I’m not sure I’ll see you again.”

You stare at her and blink a few times, trying to readjust your focus.  She’s your new friend, she just said this was likely the last time you’ll see each other, but you can’t stop thinking about Din.  Imagine he’s hours away in the city right now, still looking for you.  You’re trying to evaluate your priorities here, but you truthfully never expected to get this far.  Inside the gates, surrounded by brick buildings and silent guards.  You know your way around here, you know hiding spots, you know how to outlast—it’s incredibly advantageous for you to be inside these walls.  What is he doing?

Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you give Naydee a quick hug and she happily accepts it.  “I’m sure we’ll meet again at some point.”

She smiles and nods, pulling back and letting a couple grumpy foundlings catch her robes and yank on them impatiently.  The loud group eventually disappears into the dorms, and the door shutting behind them cuts off the tired crying and chatty voices determined to stay awake, leaving you in silence that feels slightly unfamiliar after going without it for so long.

Fuck, you just need to breathe.  As soon as the dead quiet grips the air around you, you realize you need to relax.  You’re way too fucking wound up; you want to bolt at the smallest thing and the sudden silence of being alone multiplies it to the point where you have to remind yourself of its importance.  Breathe.  Focus.  There’s about fifteen minutes before the bells ring, fifteen more minutes and the chase will be all over.

Can you eat?  You thought you’d want to, but you think you’re too fucking antsy.  You can’t stay here alone, that’s for sure, but you also don’t want to be around all the children right now.  The commissary will have a handful of people wandering around, teens snacking and maybe a Brother or two standing guard.  It’s the best place to wait the clock out, so you make your way there.  The gentle breeze billows around your loose robes, your pantlegs swishing as you walk.

A few minutes later, you’ve got a plate of food in front of you but your mask is still up, and you’re just sitting there.  Towards the back of the large room, sitting by yourself at one of the tables and staring down at your communicator.  Five minutes.  You have five fucking minutes left before he finds you.  Can you feel him?  Is he closing in?

You sit up a bit straighter, taking a deep breath.  Focus on that feeling from earlier.  The presence in your chest, the weight that didn’t used to be there months ago—focus on that feeling and branch it outwards.  Can you feel him?

Something catches your eye.

Or no… it doesn’t, does it?  Nothing is out of place here, nothing is visibly wrong or amiss.  The only thing that’s changed from all the times before is how dark it is through the windows, and how there are only a few kids in here grabbing a midnight snack instead of being packed like usual.  Nothing else.

But there’s… there’s an acolyte in the far corner, standing guard with his back to the wall.  It’s not his presence that gives you pause—you expected him to be here, there’s always been at least one present whenever you’ve sat down to eat.  He doesn’t look any different from the rest of the Brothers you’ve passed by this evening or the days before—tall, silent, dark brown robes, hooded and mysterious—so why do you suddenly feel yourself break out into a cold sweat as soon as your eyes land on him?

Bubbling laughter and chatter echoes through the large room from one of the tables near the entrance—seven teenagers stuffing their faces with food and sharing animated conversation with each other now that it’s late and they’re alone—but your stomach twists and your fingers start to tremble as you slowly rise from your seat in the back.  You want to keep your head down and be casual but it’s impossible, you desperately need to keep looking at that silent guard in particular and your heart kicks up in your chest—

—and then it wrenches sideways when you’re carefully backing away from the table and the offending acolyte takes a single step forwards.

Run.  Everything in you screams for you to run, and it’s rarely done that before, but you can’t.  Not yet, you don’t want to draw attention, and the logical part of your mind rages against your gut instinct to haul ass.  He’s here—of course he is, the thought screams through your veins as you try to weave quickly in between tables, feeling light on your toes and readying yourself to run as soon as you can.  The dark figure seems to find a careful pace behind you, staying just far enough behind and walking in perfect silence, and you have so many fucking questions but you can’t even think a single thing beyond run away, run away.  Where’s the kid?  How did he get those robes?  Did he actually take his helmet off just to get to you in a room where anyone could confront him?

Your feet propel you forward as soon as you make it out of the door, you break out into a sprint—just flat out bolting because you know how fucking fast he is and you need as big a headstart as you can get.

You race down the stairs and through the courtyard, the beautiful surroundings contrasting drastically with the way you’re running for your fucking life through them.  It’s not beautiful to you right now; you feel clumsy and physically unable to move fast enough no matter how quick you go, your eyes are wide and every nerve is on fire and you can’t even tell if he’s behind you anymore with how silently he moves, but you just trust that he is and keep barreling forward.  Your breath puffs against the clinging fabric of your mask as you keep sprinting, willing your legs to pump faster.  Get to the belltower at least, get to where you have the smallest chance of being caught by the people who guard this place.

As soon as you allow yourself to even conceive the possibility, two Brothers in dark hooded robes suddenly turn the corner a little ways in front of you and your reaction time is perfect—you jerk to a halt and take a single step forward as soon as they spot you.  Since your momentum already committed you to it, you just have to walk, keep your head down, move directly past them and hope Din disappeared from behind you in time.

Step, step, step—keep going, control your breathing, you’re okay, you’re allowed to be up late tonight and they shouldn’t stop you.  Walk right by…  Stars, you feel their silent stares as you casually pass, and it just feels so cold and analytical compared to the kind of danger Din is gives off when dressed in the exact same clothing.  He’s hard and tangible and an unrelenting force, where they just feel like ghosts that haunt this place.  The threat they present is impersonal and detached, but the terror currently chasing after you is so real that he can read your mind.

You wipe the sweat from your brow as soon as you turn the corner, and your feet are already starting to speed up on their own knowing you’re out of their sight.  Run, get to the belltower before Din does, you can see it standing tall about a hundred feet away.  The stairs leading to the door come closer and closer, but you hear something behind you and it propels you faster.  It’s like you can feel him right at your heels even though you haven’t seen him, snapping at your ankles even though your footsteps are the only ones you can hear anymore.

You scramble up the stairs and close the door behind you, spinning around and facing it even as you slowly retreat backwards into the moonlit tower, trying to stay quiet.  Breathing through your nose, eyes shifting around the enclosed space, continuing to back up and away from the door.  Where is he?  There are so many windows that allow you to look outside, but why can’t you spot his movement through them?  Wasn’t he right behind you?

Behind you.

There’s no reason or logic at all to it; you just react.  Spinning around and throwing a mean punch.

Din jerks back just in time to miss it, twisting and dodging at the very last second to avoid your next few hits—but… things seem to slow down, even if they’re happening so fast.  The moonlight cascades through the dozens of windows lining the circular walls and it shines just enough to reveal small glimpses of him.  With every aggressive strike from you, you see something else—you see a flash of his chin when you try to uppercut, you aim for his chest and you see a bit of his jaw.  When you go for his jaw, he steps sideways and catches your wrist, and you see the bend of his nose catch the light this time.

But then it’s like he finally figures out that you’re actually fighting him, and now he’s coming for you.  Trained and ruthless, not weighed down by any armor and lightning quick, launching perfectly aimed attacks that you’re only able to avoid from reaction and muscle memory alone.  You block or move whenever he strikes, you attack whenever you see an opening, you sidestep at the same time he does—

Until you land a spin kick directly to the center of his chest and snap your leg to shove him back, your heel smashing into that soft spot right above his stomach with dead precision and brute force.  He exhales sharply and takes a few more steps back to steady himself while you pause to catch your breath.

Din abruptly comes back and you fall into it with him again, keeping a sharp rhythm with each other that’s faster, harder, and way more real than any sparring match you’ve ever shared.  The hours and days in hyperspace you spent practicing with him are but a fraction of what he’s throwing at you right now, the combinations so rapid and blurred that you just have to trust your knowledge of him and his movement through the dark.

But then, your downfall.  Bells begin ringing an earsplittingly familiar melody above you, and it shatters your concentration—you falter just as he grabs you and sweeps your feet out, and though you know how to get out of that, you’re not quick enough on the jump nor counterswing to prevent it.  He takes you to the ground, hard, and then your wrists are being pinned together above your head and your mask is being tugged down.

Din’s mouth on yours makes you want to cry.

The whole thing is like coming home.  You spent a week surrounded by strangers and having them call you by a name not given to you, fending for yourself, and now here he is.  Someone who knows who you really are, someone that wants to care for you.  Tears come to your eyes even as they're pressed tightly shut, and Din kisses you like he’s never known anything else.  His mouth fits to yours as if the Maker made your lips before ever considering the rest of you, his bare hand clutching your jaw and forcing you to open for him, letting him lick deep inside after going so many days without it.  It might feel dominant and overwhelming if it happened to any other person, but through it, you can also taste his desperation and weakness, how soft he is even when he’s squeezing your jaw and squishing your wrists together too tightly.

Rigid steel that bends only for your touch.

He pulls back and your heart throbs at how moonlight continues to bathe just the smallest glimpses of him under the hood—never the full thing, never the whole face, but enough.  The quiet light that brushes the arch of his nose, how it bathes the hard line of his jaw so that you can barely see his scruff when he turns his head the right way.  His eyes are hidden in near darkness but there’s the faintest glimmer where they should be, and it’s the closest you’ve ever been to looking at him without the helmet.  You can see him, you can see shadows of his chin, his neck—dear stars, his fucking neck.  You’re pinned and paralyzed under him and the ringing bells, yet you feel like you just might float if he wasn’t holding you so tight to the floor.

“Where’s the baby?”  You finally lift your chin and ask, needing to raise your voice over the melody clanging loud throughout the tower.

“Making friends,” Din pants back down at you, and… stars, then you just start giggling.  Adrenaline turning into pure joy, imagining the kid wreaking havoc with all the other babies in the nursery right now.  It feels more light and airy than anything your body should know.

“What are you so happy about?” He asks, swallowing and then continuing on with the same quick gasps.  “You lost, I caught you in time.”

“Did you?”  You drop your head to the brick floor and ask, biting your lip as he stares back down at you.  Suddenly—

—Bong—

Din holds utterly still over you while you take a quick breath and wait for the next eleven bells… 

…but then break into a slow grin up at him when nothing but utter silence follows.

There’s a moment.  Just a single moment where the cogs turn rapidly under that shadowy hood, one where the faint reflection of light in his eyes flickers down to the communicator on your wrist that says midnight and back to you, one that solidifies the longer it takes for another bell to ring.  It’s not going to.

One o’clock.

You think he puts it together.  The one moment he was never able to figure you out—when you tried reprogramming the comms just a few days ago.  The one trick up your sleeve that you resigned to throw away and almost forget about because the circumstances for pulling it off were never realistic.  Fuck with the electronics and set the clock back just one hour—all you’d need to do is reset his communicator, the timecode is synced together.  He told you before that it’s connected to his helmet, but all the buttons still work.  Rapid, panicky thinking and a wild surge of bravery in the face of certain downfall is the only reason you were able to pull it off, and you’re perfectly willing to admit you just got lucky… especially when he’s still holding dead still over you.

But then Din moves so suddenly.  You can’t account for it because there’s no build-up whatsoever—it’s so fast, you yelp while he grabs your knees and throws them both to one side.  You flop over sideways and large hands reach up under the draping length of your tunic to yank your pants down over the curve of your ass, before he’s fitting his palm up between your legs and pushing two thick fingers inside you.

Your head thunks back against brick with how unexpected and merciless it is, but his other hand is grabbing your jaw and twisting, forcing you to look up, stare right into the dark shadow under the loose cowl.  The whole thing is too overwhelming—you’re trying to keep quiet but your breathing feels like thunder crashing inside this tall, echoing chamber.  He’s touched you so many times, he knows exactly how to do it by now, but it feels like so much more than that.  Probably because you can see the way Din’s mouth silently falls open as he feels you, stretching his fingers up and hooking them tight inside.  You can tell when he closes his eyes, the smallest glint slowly disappearing into nothingness while the hand around your jaw blindly moves up.  It catches your chin and lips, and then two fingers push over the bottom edge of your teeth to slip into your mouth.

Your entire leg twitches and jerks while you lay sideways on the ground and open up for him, your neck twisted at a sharp angle to keep your eyes on him and his fingers in your mouth, giving you something to bite to stop making noise.  Din makes room for himself inside you two different ways, and you just choke on his fingers and try to stay quiet, praying he’ll go deeper.

But then you’re not expecting his whole fucking arm to start moving the way it does—oh fuck, what is that?  First you just feel jostled and displaced, but then suddenly a wicked, deep, burning pleasure starts to roar through you, radiating outwards from the rapid motion of just two fingers inside you.  It’s not in and out, it’s up and down so hard and quick against your g-spot that your eyes cross and your hands go numb.

You think you grab at him, clutch onto his arm or chest and open your mouth to moan at the new and overwhelming sensation, but his hand pushes up against your chin and closes it for you, the bend of his fingers caught hard between your teeth but you don’t think he cares.

“Quiet,” Din hisses the word down at you while his arm continues to work, your toes starting to curl as the feeling overwhelms you.  Fuck, what is happening, what is happening?  It’s like he’s just shoving unfamiliar sensation at you so forcefully that you can’t even think straight anymore, not even ten seconds in.  You can only feel the pleasure, fire blurring hot and shapeless through your entire body as your eyes clamp shut, his fingers isolating that perfect spot and stimulating it directly, relentlessly.

Something dull and white hot presses up tight against all the muscles you have down there and you’re almost afraid of how strong it is.  You gasp and choke and he has to take his fingers out of your mouth and just clamp down around your entire jaw, sealing the whole thing shut with his large hand.  And then Din’s fingers leave your pussy too—and stars, you should be embarrassed by how desperately it clamps around nothing for as long as it does.  He’s not even inside you anymore but your body is on such a delay from the hot, twisting pleasure, and he doesn’t put them back in until your muscles are finished spasming.

Everything comes back full force as soon as he starts moving again.  Noise starts to come from your throat, humming in your vocal cords to deal with the arcing, swirling build, and so Din just moves his hand there instead.  He finds where it’s vibrating from your neck and he pushes up against it, trapping the sound right at the source.  He’s fucking perfect at it for some reason… how many times must he have done this to know how to cut noise out without stopping airflow?  You clutch at his wrist and silently mouth his name, feeling his arm work between your legs—faster, faster, harder, pushing you higher, higher—

Din pulls his fingers out again and this time, one of your thighs suddenly feels warm and wet while you spasm and you hear him growl out a ragged, “Fuck yes.”  Everything is sparks zapping through you long after his touch is gone, you cry out but it’s all trapped under Din’s expert grip.  His fingers soon push back inside you and you dig your nails into his forearm, your sounds muffled and quiet enough to hear his raspy groan.  

“Let me see it again,” Din breathes, his arm starting to work up and down once more, and you don’t even know what he’s talking about anymore.  What does he want to see?  You losing your mind again?  Being reduced to an utter mess in front of his shadowy but unobstructed gaze just because you managed to pull one over on him?

Fucking… apparently.  It’s what happens, after all.  You’ve never seen him like this before; whenever he’s worked up and taking it out on you, there was always something in it for him, too.  He’d hammer into you and rock your world until his eventually shattered, and then you’d both lay exhausted afterwards, equally affected and satisfied.  This isn’t like that—this is just cruel, targeted retribution on his behalf, coaxing the molten pleasure out of you with his fingers and keeping his other hand locked around your throat.  You blink helplessly up at him, your vision starting to blur by the time he leans down to whisper to you.

“I missed you, sweet girl.  Did you miss me?”  It’s so soft and quiet compared to the strength and relentlessness of his movements.  You can’t speak even if you wanted to, but when he finally pulls away to yank his hand out and you feel all your muscles automatically flex outwards and push against the sudden emptiness inside you, his voice groans long and satisfied while your thighs get wet again  “Yeah you did,” he breathes, pushing your shaky legs to the brick with his hand and watching you struggle through the aftershocks.

Did you just cum?  You don’t even know, that’s how fucked up you are right now.  The whole thing felt like an orgasm from the very beginning, just a boiling hot tornado ripping through every single cell in your body, never really having a peak.  If you didn’t cum, then why do you feel so weak?  You feel heavy, your limbs don’t work properly, and you barely even register Din pulling at the fabric of his own robes until he fits himself up against your entrance.

When you do realize it, though… your body burns with it, wrecked already but wanting him to take what he wants from you.

“Oh, plea—” you gasp but you don’t even have enough time to get the full sentence out.  He’s already pushing his hips forward, pressing you tight into the ground and opening you up after what feels like a fucking eternity without him.  It’s the hottest, slickest welcome you could give him, you hear it in the whispered curse his lips brush up under your ear, the wet noises your body makes that get louder the longer you hold the moan in your throat and bury your head into his shoulder.  He throbs thick and perfect inside your tight, spasming cunt, stretching you and smacking the rough ground near your head with how fucking good it is to be back, finally, finally—

Your hands grab uselessly at his chest while you try to acclimate, try to breathe while you’re blind with sensation.  It’s so fitting for him, isn’t it?  That your reunion should be just as physically debilitating as it is mentally.  Din’s voice scrapes on a groan like he’s dragging it across the brick ground as quiet as he can, catching when you clamp down on him and shuddering when you clamp down harder.  That’s just it—you don’t ever loosen, you just keep tightening and tightening around him, threatening to break and cum again.

This feels different from before, though.  It’s deep, purposefully so.  His hand reaches up to push the fabric of your hood back, lifting himself up over your body and wanting to start as deep as he can.  You feel him in a place you’d never be able to reach and that’s just the beginning—that’s before he starts thrusting into you, hitting a dull sensation at the apex of each movement so hard that it becomes sharp.  His hips don’t make practically any sound smacking into you because they don’t really smack, they just rock downwards and fuck you into the floor without needing to pull out really at all.  You know he’s just trying to keep it as quiet as possible, but what he lacks in speed and agility he makes up in power.

You don’t even realize you’re making too much noise until a palm wraps tight around your mouth and the room gets a little emptier.  Din keeps you all to himself on the floor, silencing as much as he’s working you up, smothering as much as he’s freeing you.  There’s no easing up, no dragging it out, no gradual build or climb—it’s just there all of a sudden, pleasure and pain pummeling you all at once, engulfing you in flames.

You reach up to grab at the loose fabric of the hood over his face, catching a fistful of it before his hand suddenly snatches your shaky wrist and pins it back to the ground.

Maker, you forgot—oh, you completely forgot about how many people could find you right now if they ever decided to look in the right place.  You’re not in hyperspace; your body is rocking against rough brick, you’re probably going to have a lump on the back of your head from how terrible you are at trying to map out heaven while holding still.  He’s pinned down what he can with one hand; your fingers are the only things that can move besides how tight you can curl your toes, but you feel your moans turn into words against his palm.  They garble indistinctly and you’re not really even sure what you’re saying, but Din decides it’s worth hearing.

“Shh,” he whispers, slowly lifting his hand from your mouth.  “Shh, tell me—”

“W-wanna look,” you hear yourself whimper, trying your best to keep quiet but wanting to scream it while he fucks you hard and slow on the ground, “—I wanna see, I wanna look at you—”

“Fuck,” Din gasps, and though his grip tightens on your wrist and you know he can’t do it right this second, the words seem like they shatter something inside him, “Keep—oh fuck, please, k-keep saying…”

“I want to marry you,” you nearly whine for him, feeling his hips kick up rapidly and start hammering in and out, in and out, in and—“I want to see your face, I wanna be yours, I don’t want anyone else to know you the way I-I—”

You think he drops his head into your neck to muffle his own sounds.  Though they start out rough and quiet and indiscernible, but they gradually become louder as he repeats himself over and over again, growling and fucking you rough.  You only catch it on the peak, when he pulls his mouth away from your skin and gasps them raggedly one last time.

“—ve you—I l-love y—”

He kisses you to stop himself.  But it’s not really a kiss, it’s more desperate than that.  Though it’s beautiful, it’s beautiful in a different light.  It’s not rejoicing at having you back with him once again; it’s a last prayer begging you to stay by his side forever.  He loves you.  He gives it everything—it feels even more concrete and simple than taking the hood off him and revealing his face would.  You told you that you'd know him without ever seeing him, and you did.  You picked him out and found him when absolutely nothing was giving him away, and this feels like a manifestation of that.  Even if you’re not in a place where he can show you his face, his beautiful brown eyes, something still feels like it changes.  He loves you.  You gasp into his mouth and his tongue sinks deep into yours, tenacious and brave and unyielding.  

When you finally cum, you almost bite him on accident.  

Everything surges hot and molten while he pulls back and keeps fucking you through it, and you can’t tell where you’re touching him anymore, just that his skin is blazing hot under your hand and he feels like everything the armor isn’t.  He loves you.  You’re looking into his eyes right now.  You can’t see any of the details, not really, but the moonlight flickers like silent stars moving through dark depths, staring right back at you and giving you an anchor for the euphoria rocketing through you.  He loves you.  Your nails dig in sharp and slowly drag downwards, scratching hard red lines into whatever thick muscle that is—

The back of his neck, making his hips stutter and when he cums for you, he does bite.

You lift your head just in time to feel his teeth catch your chin instead of your mouth, and his entire body shakes while you keep dragging your nails down the side of his neck and his throat.  Din fucking lives for it, he releases you and arches into the pain and owns your marks like he wishes you made them deeper, stretching his neck and lifting his chin into the moonlight and—

Maker.  You can see it, with direct light, you can see more of it than ever before.  You can see his soft lips and white teeth gritting the sound of your name as quietly as he can, the dark facial hair dusting across the lower half of his face.  A fucking gorgeous jawline and throat extended long over you, flexing hard with his cock pulsing inside you.  You can just barely see the bottom of his nose from under the brown hood, the dark curls brushing up under his ears.

Stars, you still never see his eyes, the fabric of his hood acts like a blindfold draped over them, but you think you cum again.  Even if it’s on accident, it’s mean—Din tries to keep from squishing you and his hand pushes down hard against your lower tummy while he shoves his hips deep one last time, and you cum while staring at half of his face in the moonlight.  Completely lovestruck.

How can he be this beautiful when you’ve only seen fractions of him?  You have everything but the eyes now, everything but the most mysterious thing about him, the reflection into his deepest self, but you feel like you’re hypnotized by every single feature you do see.  His tongue coming out to wet his lips, the vein pulling under his sharp jaw—he’s gorgeous, he’s gorgeous, and your body agrees.  It shakes and shudders under him and eventually, Din finishes and you keep looking as his chin slowly lowers, face disappearing into the shadow once more.

Stars.  He’s so handsome and no one has ever told him, fucking dreamy and the biggest grump you’ve ever met.  Without being able to see him, you already want to reach your hands out and touch him, drag your nails through his scruff and force him to extend outwards into the moonlight again for you.  Whenever he does end up showing you his face, you know right fucking now that you’ll never be able to look away.  For the rest of your life, you’ll be staring at him, apologizing blankly for your rudeness but not feeling sorry at all.

Din leans down and gives you a slow, gentle kiss, finally relaxing into a slouch and breathing hard with the effort it took to shatter you with pleasure.

“The kid is with the other foundlings,” he whispers against your lips.  “You… you’ll have to go get him, I need to grab my armor.”

You squeeze around his cock, pulling at the fabric of his robes and ignoring him for just a second.  He fucked you in robes belonging to one of the guards and nobody has mentioned it, you need to say something.  “Where did you get this?”

“I found it,” he tells you after a moment, kissing up under your jaw.  Oh fucking Maker, he feels so good and perfect inside you, shoulders so broad and crowding you on the floor, and his lips are plush and hot, brushing and fitting your skin like it’s just an extension of his own.  “Some guy was wearing it.”

It takes you a second.

“Mando,” you suddenly gasp in quiet horror, pushing at his chest and trying your best to detach his mouth from your throat.  It’s so much more difficult than it needs to be, but you eventually succeed.  “What did you do to him?  Where is he?”

He lifts his neck up just the tiniest bit, turning his face towards yours under the hood and holding still for way too fucking long.  He’s too close to see the expression he’s making, but you know the tone of his silence.  He’s in trouble and he knows it before you do.

“Ma—”

“They’re in a closet,” he admits at the very same time, completely monotone.

You don’t know which word to emphasize.  A fucking closet?  They’re?  Plural?  Instead of stressing any particular word, you decide not to do it at all and it ends up just coming out in the same exact blank tone as him.  “They're in a closet.”

“Inside the Temple,” Din continues on when you lay still as a statue underneath him.  His head slowly dips down once more, pushing his hips against you just the slightest bit to make you remember the cock still inside you instead.  Your eyelashes flutter with it—fuck, focus—“I didn’t know there’d be more than two.”  He kisses your neck so gently.  “It was an accident.”

You don’t say anything at all, your mouth pinching down at the corners because it should but your heartbeat galloping with how… fucking sexy he is.  You shouldn’t encourage this, this horrible behavior just to get close enough to catch you, but your curiosity overtakes you and you ask a question you’ve asked yourself before.  “Did they put up a fight?”

“Mm,” he whispers noncommittally, rocking his hips down once more.  “You did.”  Your nails dig into his chest, making him falter just slightly before slowly kissing your neck again.  “Did so good.  Fought hard, outsmarted me.  Pretty fucking girl.”

And then your eyes pop open as you feel it.  His cock suddenly beginning to harden once again inside you, twitching and gradually gaining a thicker shape, and for a moment, you actually fucking consider it.  He’s the only one in this galaxy that could not only ruin you on these sacred grounds, but then coax you into doing it more than once—stars, are you actually considering it?

“We can’t,” you automatically tell him, but it’s fucking pitiful.  Zero effort, absolutely no umph behind it, leaving it entirely up to him and how much he wants it.  Your logic reminds you that the kid is probably wreaking havoc in the nursery and there are tied up guards in the fucking temple that could be discovered any second.  You shouldn’t have even let him fuck you here in the first place, but…  “Mando, we can’t—”

His mouth opens against the crook of your neck and his tongue brushes velvet hot on your skin, tasting the glistening sweat there and not moving his broad figure a single inch over you besides getting closer, deeper.  Your nails dig into his collarbone, aiming for reason one last time.  It’s apparent that you’d be better off rephrasing, knowing the challenging streak in him and how much telling him what to do doesn't help.

“It’s not a good idea,” you attempt instead, breathless and trying not to move under his mouth and lazy hips.  “Not smart.  Bad idea to fuck again.”

Din’s body stops moving, even though he keeps getting harder.  His jaw opens and then his teeth scrape softly against your flesh, making you tilt your neck back and gasp.

“Later,” he lifts his head to state aloud, committing it to truth now that it’s been spoken and heard by another person.  “Later, I’ll fuck you on the ship, in our bed, when I can get you naked and have your taste in my mouth.”

Tingles rock through your body and you squeeze around his cock just as he pulls it out and tucks it back into his pants.  Your lungs quiver when you inhale—it’s shaky, but it reminds you of how long it’s been since you’ve been able to breathe correctly.

“Later,” you finally agree, combing your fingers through your hair and glad you have this hood to cover your freshly fucked dishevelment.  He came inside you and you don’t want to be leaking and getting your nice pretty robes all wet and stained, but then of course, without any prompting, Din quickly scoots back on his knees and drops his head down to take care of it for you.

***

Commotion.

After Din helped you clean up the way he sometimes likes and then disappeared to change back into his armor, you put your mask and hood back on and tried to look as casual as possible walking to the nursery.  Your knees wobbled slightly and you couldn’t stop smiling under the mask the entire walk there, but when you arrived, you just saw a dim room with sleeping infants—not what you were expecting.  Soon, however, you hear it: down the hall, distant and coming from the dormitories, you hear a loud commotion.

Fuck, you’re nearly wincing with every step you take now, and not because you’re sore.  Well, you… are, a little bit, but in a great way.  No, you’re just dreading the ridiculous shinanigans you already know are well underway, wondering if Din actually dropped the kid off in the dorms from the beginning or if he somehow migrated his way there to cause trouble.

When you walk inside, the first thing you see is a handful of crying and shouting toddlers, and while you can’t immediately spot your favorite floppy-eared monster, you don’t have to see him to know he’s probably standing tiny directly in the middle of this tense showdown.  Automatically, you’re taking a few steps forward to rescue him, but then you stop as soon as you see what the other babies are so mad about.  A large piece of chocolate leftover from the festival levitating just beyond their pitiful little reaches.

Hm.  Who could possibly be responsible for using demon powers to steal snacks and hold them hostage from a sizeable group of hostile children.  A mystery that may never be solved.

It makes you take a second.  The sheer… the… stars, you can’t even think straight—how fucking typical it is just hits you right in the chest, sends your heart into orbit.  Of course.  Of course this is what he’s gotten himself into without immediate supervision, of course this is the shipwreck you’d walk into, and you’re holding back a chuckle before making a single move to intervene.  In the midst of everything, you can hear adults approaching distantly from behind you.

“—don’t know where it came from, I was helping the younglings into bed when I heard the ruckus and I—”

The voices gradually grow louder, and you snatch the floating piece of candy out of thin air and whip around right before Sister Drya and Naydee walk in.  Their hushed, concerned conversation is cut to an abrupt end, and you clear your throat as they take you in, standing in front of chaos central continuing to go off behind you.  Do you… look as freshly disheveled as you are?  You’re not supposed to be here, you know, but hopefully the only strange thing is your presence itself and not anything concerning your appearance.

“Nerida,” the older lady suddenly announces, the name alone holding so much expectation, and the younglings missing their candy have now turned their ire towards you and the crinkly food wrapper hidden in your fist.  “What is the meaning of this?”

“Ah, yeah,” you stand up a little straighter, letting the chocolate casually fall out of your grip behind you, and a stampede of feet suddenly kick up to recover it.  It’s fine, nobody will know, it’s fine.  “It’s just…”  Your head tips behind you to the cause of the uproar, feeling a bit sheepish yet so incredibly fond.  “My… kid.”

Sister Drya stares at you for a few seconds, before tipping sideways and staring at the culprit.  “That is your child?”

You turn around just in time to see him, now abandoned by the angry mob of children, finally notice you.  All of a sudden, his pitch black eyes light up something bright and sunshiney, and you just start beaming in return.  What an adorable little creature, apple of your eye and pain of your ass.

“Yep,” you sigh, dropping into a squat and watching him barrel towards you, catching him right before he can trip over his brown potato sack and scooping him up into your arms.  “Hiya, bug,” you murmur with a grin, lifting back up and plopping him in his favorite spot in the universe—your left hip.  “You making friends?”

He giggles and it’s like sparkles and bubbles fill the room instead, wrapping tiny arms around the largest surface area he can get and clinging.  He laughs with a tiny open mouth, bless him, clearly not understanding the sarcasm, and suddenly your eyes feel just the slightest bit wet.  No, you’re not crying, don’t be fucking ridiculous, but you missed him like hell and he’s just the cutest fucking thing—why do you feel like crying?

“Sorry about that,” you apologize to the two women while slowly turning around, brushing your thumb over one of his cheeks and smiling as it squishes.  “He’s… uh.  Not great at sharing.  We’ll work on it.”

Takes after his dad, you purposefully leave out, just a different kind of sharing.  Din hasn’t shown you his full face yet and the kid performs magic tricks to taunt a roomful of children a fraction of his age for a single piece of chocolate, completely different kind of sharing.

Sister Drya says something in response, but when you look up to address her, all you see is Din standing silently behind her and Naydee, slowly dropping his hand from his helmet to his side.  They don’t seem to notice he’s there and you automatically try your best to pay attention to the Sister speaking to you, but your eyes get caught on the silver reflecting in the dim light beyond.  Fuck, he’s a presence.  An immediate distraction, taking all your focus with a single glimpse.  Seeing him fully armored again, staring at you from the silent shadows behind everything… you melt a little bit, knowing that you’ve seen more of what’s underneath than anyone.  Your shoulders settle and your entire body burns warm, wobbly like the air around a fire, and one of the kid’s hands leaves you to reach out towards his dad.

You watch the metallic helmet tilt sideways after a moment, saying everything without saying anything.  Come on, make up an excuse, let’s get out of here.

Looking at him in the quiet shadows, you’re reminded once again about how much you love him, how much softness you have inside you for a man so hard, so guarded.  And, for the first time, a voice in your head finishes a poem you didn’t realize you were writing, adding its own verse and bringing everything back around to the beginning.  He loves you, too.  How much he lets his guard down for you, the way he’s revealed more of his face to you than not.  You love each other.  You’re family.

So, all at once, you decide to mess with him, because that’s what family does best.

“Don’t be shy, come say hello,” you suddenly urge his silent figure, taking a step forward and speaking directly to him.  “Sister Drya, Naydee, I’d like to introduce you to my—”

It’s remarkable, you see it happen in front of you.  Like he has powers of his own, Din just literally fucking disappears.  Like magic, he’s nowhere to be found within a blink of an eye.  You know he’s capable of it; he’s done it plenty of times during the chase just to fuck with your head, but you’re staring straight at him when it happens this time and it might just be the funniest fucking thing you’ve ever seen him do.

Sister Drya and Naydee both turn around to an empty hallway bathed in shadows and you laugh.  A deep, shameless, loud belly laugh.  Where the fuck did he go so quick?  You were staring straight at him and you have no fucking clue.  He’s just out, and you’re left alone with his child and the unspoken understanding that he’ll just catch up with you later.

You’re giggling even as you shake your head and give the women your genuine thanks for keeping you and feeding you these past few days, grabbing your backpack with all your belongings and eventually using three green fingers to wave goodbye to them.  The very first thing Din says when he seamlessly joins you outside the Keja later is, “That wasn’t funny,” which just makes you laugh harder.

***

About a half hour has passed, and you’re walking along a dirt road, cradling a very happy baby in your arms and giving the grown man next to you an incredibly hard time.

“You’re unbelievable,” you mutter, your back twinging slightly at the way you’re leaning about as sideways as you can get without falling over.  You think you’re basically just the hypotenuse between the ground and Din, who easily supports almost your entire weight with your backpack slung around his far shoulder and readily allows you to rest against him.

“They’re fine,” he grumbles in response, squeezing you tight to his side.  You just have to focus on moving your feet; it’s like he’s practically carrying your upper-half anyways.  “I gave them the night off.”

“You stuffed them in a closet,” you hiss, feeling his shoulder shrug under your cheek.

“I gave them the robe back,” he says, not really defending himself and more just throwing it out there to see if it helps any.  “I’m sure someone’s found them by now, they’re fine.”

Your eyes suddenly go wide, absolutely mortified at the thought.  “Wait.  What do you mean you gave the robe back?”

He shrugs once more, apparently not seeing the problem yet.  “I borrowed it, so I gave it back after I put my armor back on.”

If you could plant your feet on the dirt road and screech to a halt, you would, but all your weight is already resting on him and you’re working solely off his forward movement.  You just hope your tone holds the same amount of shocked disapproval your body language would’ve conveyed if you weren’t so completely attached to his hip like a parasite he adores.

“You fucked me wearing it, though.”  Your voice is strangely flat, so fucking confused and horrified by the mental image of him just tossing the soiled garments haphazardly somewhere in the temple behind you, or even worse, leaving them somewhere respectful, and Din soon stops in the middle of the deserted road.

“Oh,” is all he says, emotionless and blank through the modulator.  Did he not even consider this?

“I had to promise them I was a virgin just to sleep there, you know,” you admit, and you can tell that’s brand new information to him with how still he goes as you continue to lean against him.  You’re getting the feeling that he probably knows a lot more about your experiences on this moon than you think he does, but can tell that this is brand new information to him.  “And you locked three of their holy men in a closet, chased me across the temple grounds, fucked me in one of their robes, and then.  You gave it.  Back.”

Din stays perfectly silent for quite some time.  You can never go back to that place, you know this for a fact.  You’re banned forever now, it’s what you deserve.

Never one to be outdone but not actually having anything to say for himself, Din suddenly decides to just scoop you into his arms and boost up into the sky without a single word like an actual fucking maniac.

You squeal and damn near drop the baby because of it, but he cinches you tight to his chest and refuses to loosen with your struggle.  Eventually, after you realize he’s completely locked you in and you won’t fall to your death with this poor innocent child in your arms, you glance over the shiny pauldron on his shoulder and watch the kid’s crib disappear by the abandoned road as Din takes you higher and higher.

The crib—he forgot the crib—

“D-Din,” you stammer out through the whistling air, stiff as a board.  Stars, you have such a different sense of adventure than him; an explorer and a daredevil, one who gets a thrill from discovering the existence of the edge of a cliff and one who’ll take a running dive off of it without thinking twice.  He’s hit with blaster fire some days, he faces down death completely fearless like it owes him one every single time, and you’re stiff as a fucking board while he carries you through the sky.  It’s stunning up here, it’s exciting and wonderful, but you’re so scared that you can barely even look.  He’s giving you the most fantastical view, everything your budding adventurous streak could ever ask for, and your terror is crushing.  It would be different if you could hold on, but you’re responsible for not letting the baby slip through your arms and you just have to trust that he won’t let you slip through his.

You raise your voice.  “Din?!”

“I won’t drop you,” he automatically reassures, and well you sure as fuck hope not, but there’s something else.

“What about the crib?”  You call out over the wind whipping, tucking the baby tight to your chest and settling your hands over his ears to avoid them flapping and whacking you repeatedly in the chin.

“We’ll come back for it,” he responds, just as easily.  Maker, you wish decision-making came that easy to you, that commitment and choice should be so simple as to just fly away from things on the ground and promise out loud to come back for them.  You know he will, but still, his spontaneity shocks you after spending the past week thinking every decision through meticulously, and you’re taken aback by the casualness of it all while soaring through the sky, committing such spectacular feats without a single thought beyond it.

Soon—incredibly soon, which honestly kind of blows your mind—you spot Nariss glowing in the distance and then you’re flying overtop of the city, slowly dropping altitude in the middle of a quiet little side street.

Din carefully allows your feet to settle on the ground before letting go, but you still stumble a bit stupidly after flying so high without any sort of safety measure besides him, prioritizing the steadiness of the baby in your arms instead of your feet underneath you.  His gloves catch at your clumsy body and pull you along with him without another word, leading you out of the quiet alley and into the middle of a beautiful, luminescent street.

What’s he doing?  He seems slightly hurried, and you’re clueless but you go with it, clamoring along behind him to wherever he’s leading you.

Though, you suddenly remember one of the very last things you told him last night right before he steps up in front of a vendor.

“Caf,” Din grunts, sliding a few credits towards the man standing behind the counter. “The… biggest one you have.”

Okay, well.  You could just about fucking cry.

“Y’sure?” The vendor asks skeptically, jerking his head at the large thermos behind him.  He’s balding, wearing a white outfit with his eyes scrunched up and forehead sweaty, likely working all day.  “It ain’t fresh.  Closin’ up soon, was just about to trash it and go home.”

The helmet turns to gauge your response to the news, the sharp angles and contours looking so sleek and dangerous as they reflect the colorful lamplights, but just filling you with comfort beyond anything in the entire galaxy.  He’ll take that armor off for you tonight and you’ll sleep next to him.  He’ll call you by your given name, or the fond name he’s given you, and you’ll cuddle your baby on a metal floor in hyperspace with him, and all will be well.  Even if he needs to leave again soon—even if you don’t get to go with him, you’ll always have these small eternities with each other, and that’s more enough for you now.

You’re completely zoned out while staring at him, and Din turns back to the vendor before you can even remember the conflict he was attempting to defer to you.

“Yeah, just empty the whole thing in there for her,” he mutters, and you want to marry him.  It’s been a long week, and in your haze and delight of being with him in this gorgeous setting, your brain turns to cavewoman mush.  Big man, makes me happy.  Strong man, loves me, knows me.  Provider, makes me feel good, protector, loves me.

Din hands you the large cup of steaming caffeine, clueless to your grunted inner monologue but knowing better than to reach out and grab the kid from your other arm.  You’re just fine like this, hands full, the little frog snuggled up against your side and blinking up at your face instead of any of the shiny or glowing things around you.  When you look down at him, you can see the world through his eyes—quite literally, they’re reflective and gigantic—and his father’s hand quickly finds its preferred spot on your lower back.

“Try to drink it quick,” Din advises you gruffly, pulling you snug into his side and sloshing the big cupful of piping hot liquid in your hand.

“It’s a thousand degrees,” you protest, trying to balance your three favorite things in the universe all begging for your direct attention at once.  “It has to cool down.”

He gives a dismissive hm in response, and you frown even as your heart soars with how tightly he’s gripping you, how little leeway you have to even move without him.  Part of you is so thrilled at being reunited with him that you consider snarking something back at him, excitement making you brave.  He could probably chug boiling hot liquid in thirty seconds and doesn’t see the point in letting it sit any longer, and you could make some stupid joke about filtering it through his helmet or having a built in bendy straw but you decide to keep it to yourself.

So then you just stand there together, under stringed lights and flowers everywhere, and he waits.  Holding you glued to his side, completely silent and clearly just waiting for your caf to stop steaming so threateningly in your hand so you can drink it.  For some reason, the fact that he’s wanted by the New Republic doesn’t really register at this second—you’re not looking for cops, though he may be.  You’re just lost in this beautiful, fancy city that’s on the edge of finally quieting down after a long day, and you’d like to see more of it with him next to you.

“Well, do you wanna just…”  You ask, tilting your head around at all the vendors.  “Shop around for a bit?”

“Shop… around,” Din repeats slowly, sounding the words out like they’re not common Basic.  Admittedly, they do sit a bit awkward in his voice when put together like that, describing a phenomena he’s likely never even considered a thing before, but it’s so fucking pretty here and you’d like to show him something this time instead of the other way around.

“Yeah, like,” you shrug a shoulder, tipping your head in a random direction.  Anywhere, you’ll go literally anywhere with him, the three of you can go explore.  “Just wander around, and look at all the pretty things.”

From where you’re standing right now, you can already see glittering crystals and jewels being sold at the tent across the street, there’s a booth dedicated entirely to floral arrangements and crowns next to it, you can hear a distant quartet playing melodically in the distance and a couple is being painted by an artist on the corner.  Bars are in full swing at this point, as if they weren’t all day, and even though the merchandise is all different, the multicolored tents look slightly similar when they’re underlit with multicolored lights.  It’s less slightly lively than it was in the daytime, but also… more beautiful, in a sense.  Muted, softer, more romantic.

“I don’t have any more credits,” Din admits casually, finally turning to look around at everything.  You get the feeling that he’s just now seeing it, even after spending the entire day here.  “That stale caf was the last of it.”

Money well fucking spent, you can assure him of that.

“It’s okay,” you tell him automatically, gently bumping your hip into his.  “We don’t need credits, we can just look.”

So that’s what you do.  Even though it’s completely not his fucking style, for the next hour or so, you just walk around downtown with him and sip your caf, looking at anything and everything new and experiencing it with him.  At first, you think he’s just entertaining you, following you while you discover new streets and attractions, but then he points out different things and you know he's looking, too.  There are large animals harnessed up and pulling carts for people to ride, there's an enormous spinning wheel set up in the distance, its colorful lights flickering out as soon as you ask what the fuck that is and why anyone would ever get inside one.

You eventually end up finishing your caf around the time he’s leading you back through a quiet, abandoned alleyway, and you hand him the empty cup to throw away in one of the trash cans on the corner.  The conversation has faded to a comfortable quiet and you don’t really need to ask—you go willingly, not requiring anything beyond his hands on you and the baby dozing in your arms.

“Come on, sweet girl,” he murmurs, gently sweeping you up into his.  You sigh, glad he’s giving you a moment to prepare yourself this time, holding the sleeping kid securely to your chest and resting your head on his shoulder.  “Let’s go home.”

After you’re comfortable, Din rockets up from the ground and climbs high up into the canvas sky.  He disappears with you and the baby into the pastel clouds above, making it back to the Razor Crest in probably about an hour, maybe less.  You and the baby do nothing more than climb into the comfy floor blankets while Din starts up the engines, and you think you’re dozing off together by the time he makes the pit stop to collect the crib and the jump into hyperspace.

You think he might shower?  You’re not sure—you just know he moves up behind you in bed at one point without any armor, burying his face in your hair while you cuddle the sleepy kid to your chest.  It’s dark in the hull, Din’s palms are bare and warm as they slide around the front of your body and he breathes you in, and there isn’t a single place that can touch you here, not a single place you’d rather be.

Home.

***

@followwhereshegoes​ Thank you for the stunning artwork! 💕To anyone interested in possibly doing an art collab in the future, please message me!!

[desideriumwriter]

Just As Friends

Description: Reader transferred from Quantico after a bad argument with Spencer, five years later she’s transferred back. Will things work out between her and him?

Pairing: Spencer x fem!reader

CW: fighting, yelling, alcohol, kissing, bad writing.

WC: 2k

A/N: another angsty fic cause it’s my favorite genre or whatever, anyways criticism is always accepted (and needed), I hope you enjoy!

You and him were best friends, ever since you walked through the doors of the BAU. You immediately clicked within the first hour of being there. The team would always tease the both of you for being so close, Penelope would always be urging you two to “get together already”. But your relationship was platonic, like Penelopes and Dereks, strictly platonic.

You would kiss him on the cheek as a greeting or a goodbye or whenever you felt like it, just as friends.

You would watch movies and eat popcorn with him, cuddle up next to each other on the couch and share a blanket, just as friends.

You would sleepover, you would always steal his clothes to sleep in, never changing out of them in the morning, just as friends.

When you were at dinner or the bar with the team, he would tap your foot with his, trying to play footies, you would tap his back, just as friends.

When he’d lay his arm next to yours on the table, you’d keep yours there. One of you would eventually move your hand on top of the others and interlock fingers, just as friends.

That’s all you ever were, friends. But not anymore. The day you had that argument is the day it all fell apart.

You asked him about why he was being so distant, why he wouldn’t joke around or have conversations unless it was work-related, why he wouldn’t hang out with you anymore.

“You’re fucking kidding me right? You’re not gonna talk to me because she told you not to?”

“I’m not not going to talk to you, it’s just that…Eve has boundaries and I’m going to respect that.”

“So you're just gonna avoid me? Throw our entire friendship away for what? Some girl?” 

“She’s not just “some girl”, y/n. She’s my fucking girlfriend.” He spat.

“What?” Your face softened.

“Yeah, we’re dating, everyone knows.” 

“Not me.” You shrugged and stomped out.

After that, it became too hard to work around him, you wouldn’t do well together on cases and it was just…difficult. You made the decision to transfer for your own good. After your departure, he tried to call for a few weeks. You wouldn’t pick up, you would just set your phone down and let it go to voicemail. The only he would get an answer is when Jasmine, your roommate, would pick up.

“Hello?” Jasmine groaned annoyedly

“Hey, Jasmine? Um, is y/n there?” He said awkwardly

Jasmine glanced over to you sitting on the couch, you raising your eyebrows, shaking your head, and mouthing “NO” to her

“Uh, no, she's at the…bar.” You looked at her with your face twisted in confusion, she gave the same expression and mouthed “I don't know!”

“Oh, okay, when she comes back can you tell her to call me?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, thank you, bye.”

“Yep.” She hung up

It was the same thing every time she picked up the phone, telling him you weren’t there or busy, and him asking for her to tell you to call him back. After a little over two weeks, he stopped. You didn’t get any calls or texts from him. He stopped, he was out of your life.

But after nearly five years, you got transferred back to Quantico.

___________

Your heart started beating faster and there was a knot in your stomach, you were hesitating to walk through the doors. You weren’t nervous about seeing the team, you still kept in touch with them, hanging out with Penelope, Emily, and JJ on the weekends and sometimes Derek too when he would come along with Penelope to the bar.

Spencer. It was Spencer you were worried about.

You hadn’t seen him in five. fucking. years. 

The last time you saw his face was a month after you left, you were in a bookstore, he walked in and you hid behind a bookshelf, then eventually ran to the bathroom and hid in there for a good thirty minutes.

You took a few deep breaths and finally walked in.

Immediately you were met with Penelope rushing towards you and giving you a rib-crushing hug. Then came the rest of the team, giving hugs and handshakes and greetings, telling you it was good to have you back and how they missed you, but all of the sudden it had gotten weirdly quiet. Everyone was staring awkwardly behind you, you turned around to see who it was.

Spencer. Just as you expected.

“Hi, it’s nice to have you back.” He tucked his lips into a straight line.

“Yeah..thanks.”

Thank god Penelope interrupted and broke the tension.

“Oh! I have some welcome back treats for you in the break room!” She said wrapping her arm around yours and making you walk away with her.

__________

A week into your arrival you already had a case, after everyone was leaving to go to the jet, you and Spencer were the only ones there, you walked up to him.

“Look,” You sighed as you leaned onto his desk.

“I don’t want us to be weird around each other anymore, because now it’s painfully awkward, and it’s probably gonna interfere with cases like it used to and- you know what I’m getting at?” He slowly nodded with a confused expression.

“What I’m trying to say is, we shouldn’t be stuck on…it’s in the past, so we can keep it all in the past. I wanna be friends, we can still be friends. Just like we used to, okay?” You shrugged.

“Okay.” He stammered.

“Cool, see you on the jet, genius.” You grinned as you grabbed your bag off your desk. 

“I’m not dating her anymore. She broke up with me” He blurted out.

“Oh, I’m…sorry.” You froze while you slung your bag over your shoulder, turning around and making your way to the jet.

Things between you and him got easier. There was no more tension between the two of you. You both started hanging out again, having long conversations while sitting next to each other on the jet or in the break room. You were back together…as best friends.

There were a few little changes in your friendship though.

You still don’t kiss him, you give him quick hugs instead.

You still watch movies and eat popcorn together, but you won’t share the couch, one of you would either be on the floor or on a separate chair.

You still sleepover, but you won’t borrow his clothes to sleep in, you bring your own or just sleep in the same clothes you were wearing.

When you were at dinner or the bar with the team, he would tap your foot with his, trying to play footies, but you wouldn’t tap his back.

When he’d lay his arm next to yours on the table, you’d lift yours off and scoot over a bit.

Just small things that felt better off to not do anymore.

____________

After the unsub was caught and the case was over, the team did the normal tradition of going out to the bar, but it was different this time. Spencer came along and actually drank. The times he’s drank he only got a few so he would get tipsy at most, but this night was different. He got drunk…blackout drunk. He was stumbling everywhere and started yelling when the bartender cut him off. When you and Derek ran over to get him, he didn’t recognize you. He didn’t remember your name or who you were, he couldn’t remember you.

Derek had to drag him out and got in a taxi with him to take him home.

You apologized to the bartender, gave a tip, and also left.

You had to hold yourself together until you got back to your apartment. Jasmine was working the night shift at her job, so you didn’t have to hide and cry silently in your room.

Once you closed the door, you burst into tears, you sat down with your back against the door, sobbing.

Why were you crying? What’s upsetting you this much? Was it Spencer?

No. It wasn’t Spencer, everything has been going fine with him. You were best friends again. Everything was back to normal.

But he’s never been like that, been that drunk. He seemed upset though at the table. What was bothering him? Did he mean to get that drunk?

____________________

After that night, the tension started to rise again. Spencer was being strange around you, almost like he was trying to avoid you. Anytime you tried to come up to him he would stop whatever he was doing and go somewhere else, when you were able to talk to him he would just give one-worded responses.

It was back to how it used to be. You couldn’t let this happen again. You drove to his apartment and hesitantly knocked on the door. In a few seconds, you heard footsteps towards the door, and then the locks clicked.

“Oh, hey y/n. What are yo-” You pushed past him into his apartment.

“Is everything okay?”

“Why have you been acting weird around me?” You stood with your arms crossed.

“What? What do you mean weird?”

“Spencer, you barely talk to me anymore or hangout, you run the other way when I walk towards you. You’re acting just how you fucking used to!” You didn’t mean to yell, but you were too angry, you couldn’t help it.

“I….I don’t know.” He whispered.

“You don’t know? You’re supposed to be a genius. What have I ever done to you to make you treat me like this, huh?” You barked. He stood there silently, staring at the ground, his silence was only making you more pissed off.

“Spencer. What have I done?”

“Y-you left! You left me! Why? Why did you leave?” He snapped before you were even done with the last word of your sentence. 

Is he fucking serious? Your brows were furrowed and jaw ajar.

“You left me first! You avoided and completely ignored me, acting like you barely knew me. We were friends and you fucking threw it all way! It fucking hurt, you hurt me, Spencer.” You clenched your jaw as you fought back tears. He went silent again.

“That’s what I thought.” Your jaw tensed. 

“You didn’t have to leave. I want to know why you left!” He seethed.

“God, I was in love with you asshole!” You cried out.

“And you didn’t love me back, you threw away everything we had, everything got fucked up.” Your voice broke and hot tears started to stream down your cheeks.

“Shit” you mumbled to yourself as you turned your face and wiped away tears frantically.

“y/n…” Spencer whispered. You bit your cheek looking up, trying to keep yourself from crying anymore.

“I-I never knew- I never meant- I never wanted you to feel like that. I didn’t mean to leave you like that. I fucked up, I’m sorry.” He stammered softly.

“Yeah, you really did.” You said sternly and headed for the door.

“I was in love with you too. I still am.” He sputtered out. 

You froze, it was like your feet were glued to the ground. Your hand was stuck on the doorknob.

“I only dated Eve because I thought it would get me over you, I thought I was over you, but I wasn’t. The reason I got so drunk that night was that I wanted to try and forget…about you, the feelings I had, I know you’ve moved on and I was scared because I didn’t want to mess things up again. The last time you walked out of here, I lost you, and I can’t have that happen again.” His voice quivered.

You still had your back turned to him, hand still on the doorknob while trying to decide if you should walk out.

“Promise me you're not just saying that to keep me here.” You took a shaky breath.

“What?” His brows furrowed.

“Promise me, you’re not saying this so I’ll stay, tell me that you’re being honest.” You turned and looked at him dead in the eyes.

“I promise, I promise. I’m telling the truth, y/n. I love you.”

“Spencer, I'm still in love with you too.” You turned around.

Before you could have even a second to fully finish the last word his lips were on yours. His were soft pressing into yours, his hands were on each side of your face while yours were tangled in his hair. You both slowly pulled back, still holding each other, chests heaving in sync.

“You know we’re gonna have to go through the fraternization policy.” You joked.