#and people complain SO MUCH about everything and it’s hard to not let that negativity overwhelm you

[intertexts]

hm.

[daistea]

Hello dais! I’ve been binge reading all of your content recently and first of all I have to say I’m obsessed with all of your writing, it has changed how I look at character from Dungeon Meshi entirely. and second of all, I’ve been thinking about Mithrun with a tall-man reader, or just any short-lived race really and how he would react after they had passed away? I don’t know how you feel about angst really but I’m a sucker for pain and can’t stop thinking about this. Sorry if this seems messy, I’m just thinking too many thoughts about Mithrun right now.

Thank you so much friend!!! Sorry for the late response! This was a good prompt, something close to my heart.

Mithrun x gn, short-lived Reader

tw death, loss, angst

»»-------¤-------««

Mithrun would not do well. 

When he loves, he loves deeply. He wasn’t always so loyal, but after the demon and after working so hard to cultivate desires, Mithrun would attach himself to those he cares about. He isn’t clingy in a traditional sense, but he’s intense. To you, even more so. 

He’d always known it would happen; you started moving slower. You started aging. He didn’t care how you looked. He was aging as well, though at a different rate. Mithrun had never cared for the sentiment of ‘growing old’ with someone. He didn’t understand it, mainly because he truly believed he’d die once the demon was gone. 

Yet, there he was, in his mid-200s. He had you. He couldn’t let you go. When you slowed down, complained of joint pain and laughed at your gray hairs, he’d always brush you off. There was time. There was always time. 

 Awareness did not equal acceptance. Simply because something was a fact of life did not mean it deserved to exist in peace. Most facts of life had negative contexts, but people spoke of them as if they expected Mithrun to be content, to lower his fists, to stop fighting. 

 He knew the day would come. No amount of preparation made it easier. 

 “You’re 252 years old, Captain,” Lycion murmured. 

 Mithrun wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything. He glanced up at the ex-Canary, though the look in Lycion’s eyes immediately made his blood run hot. He forced himself to look away simply to keep from breaking something. 

 “And?”

 “You still have around half your life left,” Lycion continued with that tone that had become all too familiar— insistent, worried, pitying. He should’ve known better than to use it on Mithrun. 

 “And?” “And you still have time to move on.”

 Unacceptable. There was anger, of course, there was always anger swirling within him. But lately, Mithrun had become more sensitive to dread. His stomach churned and sickness crawled up his throat. Move on? As if that was an option. 

The sight of your body haunts him. 

Your skin was cold. Everything was wrong. He couldn’t stop feeling, so much more than he’d felt in ages. All he wanted was for it to stop. When he closed his eyes, he saw you. When he tried to sleep, he heard you. He recalled the lilt of your voice and it refused to leave his brain. Despite how desperately he craved peace, he didn’t want to forget you. He held onto the memories for as long as his imperfect brain would allow. 

Mithrun doesn’t leave his house. 

He only eats because he knows you’d be mad at him if he didn’t. 

He changes nothing about the decor. If you left a sweater on the floor before you died, it will stay there for years. 

Things start changing. If you caught bugs and released them, he’d start doing that as well, despite how he just squished them in the past. If you seasoned food a certain way, he’d do it too, no matter how salty or spicy it is. 

Truly, Mithrun hangs onto every tiny detail of you. He’s never been a detail oriented person, but he knows you. Perhaps now, he knows you better than ever. 

At first, he’ll be doing a chore and, without a second thought, call out for you. He needs your opinion on how to separate this laundry. There’s a sale on veggies he knows you’d be interested in. But right as he says your name, he realizes the truth. You’re not there. He won’t hear your footsteps cross the house, or see your smile as you ask him to repeat himself, or see you roll your eyes at the dumb laundry question. 

It’s a huge change. Mithrun can’t sleep for a bit. His body eventually forces him to sleep. 

He’s lost people before. He’s lost friends, people who helped build Melini. It’s different with you. He isn’t quite sure what to do with himself. 

Mithrun returns to what he did when first regaining his desires— he busies himself with hobbies and work. His universe is falling apart, but he’s getting very good at making noodles. (He’d like you to try them.)

 “I’m not moving on,” Mithrun says. 

 “They were just a—”

 “And you’re just an idiot,” he retorts. 

 Cithis’s jaw sets, tense. She looks at the wall over Mithrun’s shoulder instead, as if looking him in the eye was too tempting, as if she was ready to strangle him. “You know what I mean.”

 He didn’t. He didn’t know much of anything these days. 

 “You’re not usually this concerned,” Mithrun mused as he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. “Bored of your own problems?”

 It was cruel, he had enough wherewithal to know that. Cithis may have lacked general empathy, though she cared about her friends to a certain extent. If only she was better at comfort. If only Mithrun wanted comfort. 

 Her gaze finally shifted to land on him, “You’ll have to start living again at some point.”

It takes Mithrun around 50 years to realize that life continues. Your death felt like the end of a world— in a way, it was the end of a world. He can’t forget you. He won’t ever stop grieving. He’s so angry sometimes because you dared to leave him, even though it wasn’t your fault. 

Yet, Mithrun is an expert at restarting. 

 “I know,” Marcille murmured. Her voice was thick with emotions Mithrun didn’t bother to identify. He simply glanced at her, his good eye wide. 

 “What?” He asked. 

 “I know how it is,” she explained. She had her hands behind her back as she rocked on her heels in an almost childish manner, despite her age. He supposed that for her, the early 100’s was still shockingly young. He’d never understand how a half-elf’s mindset worked. But he knew she’d lost someone. Everyone. 

 “You couldn’t possibly,” Mithrun told her despite how much of a blatant lie his words were. 

 Marcille rolled her eyes. She looked nearly done with him, and he wouldn’t blame her for that. Still, she managed to send him a half-glare, “It gets slightly easier. You’ll still do stuff and think ‘wow, I wish they were here to see this.’ You’ll still crave their company and attention and touch. You’ll still dream of them.”

 He knew that. “What part of this is supposed to be comforting?”

 Marcille scoffed, “I’m not trying to be comforting. I’m just telling you the truth, as someone who's gone through it too. They’re still there, with you. But life gets easier.”

 What a simple phrase. It wasn’t as if everyone in Melini hadn’t already told him that a hundred times over. 

 Mithrun looked away. Marcille grumbled to herself about useless attempts and arrogant Canaries.

 Perhaps he was arrogant. Perhaps he was angry. Perhaps he wanted to sink his fingers into the fabric of the universe and tear it to shreds for daring to take you. 

 But there was no time for that. He had laundry to do.

[obsessedelusional]

bane of your existence

paring ↬ Abby Anderson x fem!reader

summary ↬ Isaac pairs you with hard headed, Abby Anderson. She can’t keep a patrol partner to safe her life. That is until she meets you, the two of you slowly become close. Maybe a little too close because apparently everyone thinks the two of you are an item.

word count ↬ 2k

authors note ↬ first Abby oneshot omg!! I am so far up Abby Andersons ass that legally I have no choice but to write for her. Here’s a cute lil fluffy moment. I got more stuff in the works, hope y’all enjoy ᜊ☻︎

Feedback & Reblogs are helpful and extremely appreciated!! ((poorly proofread))

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

“Wake up.”

You groan and turn your back to insufferable voice that wakes you up way too damn early everyday. It’s a lost cause there’s a pair of hands shaking you gently. Which is strange because normally they’re a lot rougher with you.

“What time is it?” You ask still not facing her.

“5:45.”

“We don’t have to be there till eight. Why are you awake so damn early?” You snap, sitting up in your bunk. Facing the bane of your existence, Abby Anderson. Or so you pretend secretly enjoying her constant annoyance.

“Couldn’t sleep. So I thought it’d be best we head out early to catch the scars off guard.” Abby explains, stood there arms crossed looking down at you.

—

Three months ago the two of you we’re partnered for patrol. You didn’t know much about her before that, only the negative comments you heard from coworkers. Abby didn’t have the nicest personality and that often rubbed people the wrong way. Her hard headed ways make her nearly impossible to work with. Doesn’t help her case that when she’s not working she alone in some corner of the base, nose in a book. Often ignoring anyone’s attempt at a conversation. Only friendly to the people she joined the WLF with and half those relationships strained by the past.

Isaac thought your positive attitude would rub off on Abby. Buttering you up with compliments about your ability to not take anyones shit, calling you stubborn without using the word. Then talking about how she’s been through several partners in the last year, the longest lasting less than a month. Ever since Manny left his position to do something else, leaving her alone.

By the end he was borderline begging and following it up with apologies. You walked out of his office filled with curiosity about this mysterious women. The next day Abby was in your room uninvited and waking you up way too early. Somehow you’ve lasted this long and now you’re roommates. Manny moving out of bunk to be with his girlfriend and you having no roommate, Isaac made the decision to room you two together. Which only made Abby’s presence more constant.

Which is fine for the most part, you’d never admit it but part of you enjoys it. The constant bickering is fun and sometimes Abby lets a side of her personality slip you’ve never seen before. The two of you unintentionally becoming friends, which Abby would never say out loud. She even started hanging out with your friends. Probably spending an entirely too much time together, people began to take notice.

—

You stand up from your bed and make the short walk to your dresser, finding your work clothes for the day. Abby sits in a chair, fumbling with her backpack as an attempt to not watch you undress. You had caught Abby’s eyes lingering one second too long the first week. You looked back at Abby and her eyes were so obviously on your ass. She looked up a second later and saw you smirking. That was the end of that and now she does everything in her power to not get caught. Today you quickly get ready, sensing Abby’s eagerness to leave.

“Hurry up.” She says as you’re almost done.

“Why are you in such a hurry? We’re going to be two hours early at this point.” You ask, irritated.

“Quit complaining.” She spits.

“Quit being such a hard ass.” You spit back. Abby only rolls her eyes in response, so you add: “I don’t want to hear shit about my bad attitude today.”

“You always have a bad attitude.” Abby says, with a small grin.

“Do not.” You scoff at her comment.

“Do too.”

“Never did before. I think you’re starting to rub off on me. Or maybe it’s cause I keep getting waken up before my alarm has a chance to go off.” You explain, grabbing your backpack and pulling it on.

“What? You don’t like waking up early?” Abby ask, playfully already knowing the answer. Part of her loving to hear you complain.

“No.”

“Morning patrols aren’t that bad. You wake up early get off early. Have the rest of the day to do stuff.” Abby explains, trying to make you feel better.

“Yeah maybe. But I usually end up working even longer because you want to get out of here early. An eight hour shift turns into a nine or ten hour shift. One day you had me out there for twelve hours Abby.” You retort, bitterness heavy in your tone.

“You are the moodiest person in this entire base.” Abby says.

“Wasn’t before.” You speak flatly causing Abby to smile, getting closer.

“You’re such a brat.” She says, smile never leaving her mouth.

“Whatever. I know you like it.” You respond, smiling back at Abby.

“How bout we make a deal? You try to not be a brat today and I’ll try to not be such a hard ass.” Abby suggests, laughing as she squeezes your cheeks together as if you were a child.

“I don’t think I’m capable.” You speak. Abby’s hands smooshing your cheeks together. Pulling away to put one finger on your lips, shushing you.

“Just try, okay?” Abby asks, looking down at you with a pout and those damn eyes that’ll get you to do anything.

“Ughh I guess but only since you asked so nicely.” You respond suddenly hitting you that Abby is being way nicer than normal. What is her deal today?

“Really?” She grins.

“Yes let’s go.” Abby chuckles and then grabs your hand, gently nudging you forward. She’s slowly become more touchy since the two do you met but this takes it to a whole another level. When the two of you leave the room she doesn’t let go. You let the both of you walk a few feet before stopping in your tracks and looking at your hands intertwined.

“Are you holding my hand?” You question, causing Abby to realize and her face goes pink.

“Huh? Oh.. uhm.. I guess I am.” She awkwardly smiles, still not letting go.

“I mean I don��t mind. Just know you wouldn’t want to give everybody the wrong impression.” You respond, slightly traumatized from the first time you tried to sit with her in the mess hall and she went off on you about how she didn’t want anyone to think you were her friend.

“Pfft. They already think we’re in a relationship, or we will be sometime soon. What’s the harm in holding your hand?” Abby says casually, rolling her eyes as if your concern is ridiculous. She attempts to keep walking but you’re stood still, not willing to end this conversation so soon.

“They think that?” You ask.

“Yeah, they do. You should hear them gossiping during dinner. It’s all about us.” Abby says looking down at you and laughing slightly.

“How have I never heard this?” You question.

“It’s because you always head directly for you bunk room to rest after dinner. They’ll start talking about us as soon as you leave.” She explains as if this isn’t a big deal.

“What else do they say?”

“Oh. Uhm... they mainly talk about your... uh.... assets.. yeah.. that’s it.” She blushed slightly thinking about it.

“My assets? Ew.” You cringe at the thought.

“Hey I think your... ‘assets’ are fine.” She smirks, face somehow more red than before. You eyes go wide in response, it’s a rare occasion that Abby says something nice. Let alone a compliment that borders on flirting.

“Are you flirting with me?” You ask because you never know with her and you need to desperately make sense of what’s happening.

“Errr.. ummmm.. no I am not.” She nervously looks away, couldn’t help but start chuckling at her own awkwardness.

“Abby Anderson. You totally-.” You say, teasingly poking at her chest. She puts her hands over your mouth as an attempt to shush you.

“They probably think that because we work together, hang out and live together. We’re always together.” She explains trying to change the subject from her flirty comment.

“Or do they think this because you said something? Planted it in there head.” You ask, teasing as you pull Abby’s hand away from your mouth.

“Ok I may have said something. Which turned it into a whole thing.” She admits.

“Something?” You ask curiously.

“They were making some crude comments about your body. And one of them joked that I would know. I may or may not have agreed that I would know.” Abby explains, part of her embarrassments that she entertained them for even a second. In the end being grateful because them think you two were an item got them to shut up. The teasing now focused on Abby, wanting to know more about said relationship that didn’t actually exist.

“Are you mad..?” She looks at you, still holding your hand as you both walked down a long staircase to an area outside of the stadium.

“No it’s kinda cute.” You smile.

“You think it’s cute that they all think we’re in love?” She laughs.

“Yeah but just because you made them think that. No wonder Manny’s been teasing me about you.” You explain, connecting the dots as you speak.

“He’s been teasing you?”

“Yeah always telling me my *girlfriends* looking for me. Shit like that.”

“Your girlfriend?!” She grins at the thought before adding. “Well I am looking for you all the time.”

“Apparently you’re obsessed with me.” You joke, laugh leaving your mouth.

“I am. Just a little bit.” Abby responds, leading you out of the stadium and to where everyone starts patrols. Still holding your hand. As the two of you exit the stadium, you notice that Isaac is standing outside with a small group of people. He immediately takes notice of the two of you holding hands. Making a face as he looked back at the patrol, saying something inaudible to the them.

“Oooh does Abby have a girlfriend?” Manny hollers before laughing. Abby’s face is filled with so many emotions and before you can say anything Isaac’s say something.

“It’s about damn time. I was starting to think the two of you didn’t have feelings for each other after all.” He smiles.

“Can we start this patrol so I can stop be the center of attention?” Abby asks, ignoring everything everyone’s said.

“Or so you two can be alone?” Manny teases, causing everyone to laugh.

“Shut up.” Abby growls, pulling you away from everyone. You wave goodbye at everyone as Abby drags you away to start the patrol. Manny gives you two thumbs up which only adds to Abby’s irritation.

“You never answered. Do you have a girlfriend?” You ask teasing, curious about her answer.

“I don’t know. Do I?”

“You’re gonna have to ask for yourself and find out.” You tease causing Abby to groan outloud.

“You’re really gonna make me ask?” She asks, followed by rolling her eyes.

“Yeah.” You smirk, wanting the word to come out Abby’s mouth.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” She says annoyed.

“Mmm I’ll have to think about it.” You joke, watching Abby get more annoyed. “Just kidding yeah.” You laugh, finally bringing a smile to Abby’s face. Before you could register what’s happening Abby is stopped, pressing her lips into yours. You kiss back for a few moments, Abby eventually being the one to pull away.

“That was amaizng.” Abby purrs.

“Mhmm.” You smile, nodding.

“Just cause we’re dating now. Don’t think I’m gonna be any less of a hard ass.” Abby says, going back to her annoying self.

“We’ll see about that.” You tease, walking ahead of Abby. Abby grabs your wrist pulling you back to her. Abby grins kissing you again, knowing damn well she’d do whatever you asked.

[fairysluna]

little wolf.

Cregan's little sister is the only one who can change his mind, which is why Aemond decides to use his charms and convince her to support the Green using some peculiar methods.

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Stark!Reader

Tags/TW: smut (p in v, loss of virginity, f!oral sex, praise, breeding, kinda innocent!kink), teasing, a bit of mean!aemond, slight dubcon, cregan being an overprotective brother, cursing. if something is missing let me know!!

Author's Note: mimor @tvrgvryen sent me this request a few days ago and I had to do it bc i loved it so much. So here it is!

Word Count: 4.9k

Aemond has always been a good observer. He has always noticed the small details, the reason why people acted as they did, the way people treated others. That's why it wasn't hard for him to realize how important you were for your beloved brother Cregan. 

The day he first stepped into Winterfell after Vhagar gracefully landed on the snow, he saw how brave Cregan was for stepping between you and the enormous beast. However, that mere gesture exposed the big affection he had for you; his only sister, and with that, Aemond knew what was Lord Stark's greatest weakness… you. 

He went to the North with a mission, a task to fulfill, and he was not a man that was known to give up on things. Aemond was resilient, determined. He would not accept a negative answer from the Warden of the North, and even though he knew about the oath and how Starks are famously known for being loyal to their words; he was eager to find his way to gain the North's support. 

And his opportunity came up with you; the sweet, kind Lady Stark. Beloved by all, you were also known as the Heart of Winterfell, for it was said that even the small folk held dear for you. Everything that Aemond heard about you were nothing but good words, showing how much people appreciated you, which only impulsed Aemond's bad intentions. 

It is true, a Stark never forgets an oath, but the North gathers when the wolf howls… and even though your brother was the visible face of your House, everyone knew that it was you the one that had true power over the masses; your gentleness made you the Queen of the North, and that information was enough for Aemond to start his devious schemes. 

It all started at the training yard. The snow had fallen earlier in the morning, covering the ground with a thick layer of snow. He was staring at you as you struggled with a bow and arrow, not being able to hit the bullseye. This would only make you groan with impatience, despair even. Aemond pressed his lips and looked down at his shoes, trying to show himself amused by you wrestling. 

"You're too tense, my lady," he said as he slowly walked towards you. 

His black fur coat covering his slim shape, his white hair perfectly still despite the crazy wind, his hands at the back of his body. He looked so effortlessly elegant, it almost made you blush. 

"My prince," you greeted him, bowing swiftly, "I'm sorry you have to watch this terrible attempt."

"I didn't know women were allowed to train here in the North," he spoke, politely as he stretched his arm to touch the fine wood of the bow you were holding. 

"We're not," you replied, "but my brother insists I should be prepared to defend myself, so he forces me to train either way."

"Mhm…" he nodded, "your brother is a clever man. A beauty like yours is the target of many deprived men, he's doing well by letting you learn how to protect yourself."

"But he barely has time to teach me," you complained, placing your arms in position to shoot again, "now he's in a meeting with the Mormonts, and I am here," you let the arrow go, but it didn't even hit the target. "...failing miserably."

Aemond chuckled, and you inevitably blushed at the low sound that came out of him. You stared at him from your peripheral view, analyzing his undeniable beauty and flirtatious smirk which made your heart beat a little too fast. 

"You're too tense," he repeated, as he shifted his position until he was behind you. 

His hands went to your shoulders, and he squeezed them softly giving you a soft and short massage that made you close your eyes. Soon, one of his hands reached yours, the one that was holding the bow's grip. He wrapped it around yours, and you immediately felt his warmth on your cold skin. It made you gasp silently. 

"You see, I'm not so good at using a bow, I think my weapon of choice is the sword," he whispered, getting closer to your ear, his breath smacking against your shivering skin, "but I know things… and I can teach you if you please, my lady."

His nose rubbed against your hair, and your delicious smell almost made him groan. Soon, the prince helped you to fix your position as your breathing was getting heavier and an unknown feeling was installed in your lower belly. You feel the heat even though it was freezing cold, you felt his body pressing against yours leaving a sensation of distress, as if your body was begging you for something. 

You feared of someone seeing you; the position was quite compromising, and you were certain your reputation would be stained if someone witnessed such a scandalous scene. It felt too intimate for you, perhaps not so proper for a maiden like you. You would have tried to push him away, but there was something within him that did not allow you to do so; it was as if he had bewitched you with his charms, and you were under a spell from which you were not able to wake up. 

"It's simple, my lady," he explained, "you must relax, you must let go," his voice so deep and low against your ear, "come on, no one's watching, you're under no pressure…" 

His touch, so delicate and gentle, mixed with his words, which you quickly misinterpreted; 'no one's watching', it sounded more like an invitation rather than words of comfort. You couldn't help but to sigh, a gesture that brought a slight smirk upon Aemond's face. 

"Let yourself go, Lady Stark," his voice turned more breathy, rapier. "That's it, so good… now, eyes on the target, don't take your eyes off of it, okay?" 

You simply nodded, wildly blushing at his praise. There was a subtle shiver that went to your trembling hands, you cleared your throat trying to play it down. 

"Take deep breaths, don't close your eyes," his hands left yours, now going to your abdomen, his nose brushing against your ear as he kept whispering, "good, good girl."

Your teeth captured your lower lip as you held back a whimper. Squirming in your place, you felt weak on the knees as his hands left a squeeze on your hips. 

"Now… shoot."

You listened, and your hand let go of the string. Your eyes widened with surprise as the arrow hit close to the bullseye, which was certainly not perfect, but it was an improvement. A smile appeared in your face as you tilted your head to appreciate your achievement, and soon a giggle escaped you. 

"Oh, Gods…" you sighed, "I did it."

"You did it," Aemond said, "you did so well."

His words made your face turn to face him, and his lips were just a few inches away from yours. Your breath hitched, as your heart pounded with so much strength that you thought he would be able to hear it… even feel it. His hand traveled upwards your body until it reached the nape of your neck. 

For a moment you thought he would kiss you, that his soft-looking lips would dare to touch yours. But suddenly, he pulled away. Few seconds later, footsteps were heard dragging the snow beneath their feet, and soon you found out the reason behind his abrupt reaction. 

"Sister!" you heard. The deep and roaring voice of your brother woke you up from your trance, and you turned around to face him. 

You saw a frown upon his face as his eyes narrowed. For a moment you thought he saw how close you were with Aemond, but soon his own words proved you wrong. 

"Septa has been waiting for you for an hour!" he scolded you, "why are you still here?" 

It took you a while to speak, you knew your voice would come out weak and thin if you dared to utter a word in that moment, which not only would make Cregan be suspicious of what happened, but also would embarrass you in front of the charming prince. 

Luckily for you, Aemond decided to step in. 

"I was helping her train, my lord, I'm sorry for the disruption I might have caused," you looked down at the steps Aemond had left in the snow, right beside yours. 

You were quick and subtle once you purposely stepped on them to erase them. Aemond noticed and he couldn't help but smirk. 

"Well, stop your training and go," he demanded, "you might continue tomorrow."

You had no choice but to obey. One last glance was given to Aemond as you bowed to him, saying goodbye. Cregan followed your frame as you entered the castle, and then he turned to look at the prince. Aemond was no fool, he knew Cregan was not ignorant of his intention… he was a man after all, he could see through his facade with no big effort. 

However, he did not say anything about it. He just nodded, and then he left leaving Aemond standing alone with the burning desire running down his body. 

At first, he planned on just seducing you… but now? Now he will have you. He needed to have you. 

That same day, quite late at night, you were found in your chambers, laying on your belly on top of the fur carpet right in front of the warmth of the fireplace. A book was between your hands as your eyes followed the traces of the poetic words that were written in it. The sound of the fire crackling and burning the wood was the only thing you were able to hear until three soft knocks interrupted the quiet calmness of the night. 

You barely looked up as you muttered a soft 'come in', turning the page to continue with your reading. The door was opened in a subtle movement that you barely noticed, and soon you heard steps getting close to you. 

It wasn't until you were able to see the shoes of that person that you decided to look up, only to find Aemond's grin staring back at you. You immediately sat up, crossing your legs and trying to cover your breasts with the book; the fabric of your nightgown was thin, and you knew that your skin could usually be seen through it if he dared to squint to take a look. 

Your body hasn't forgotten about his touch and closeness, and in a certain way it was actually craving for more of that. But you knew it was not proper, you've heard whispers around the castle claiming that he was actually betrothed to one of Lord Baratheon's daughters, meaning he already belonged to someone else. 

And yet, you couldn't help but to feel the eagerness to touch him. 

"My Prince," you said, the shock of seeing him there, sitting on the carpet right beside you was shown in your voice, "what- what are you doing here?" 

"I found myself alone and bored in my chambers, so I decided to wander around the castle and the path brought me here… to you," he smiled kindly as he said those last two words. Words that made your heart beat faster and your cheeks turn red, "were you reading?" He asked, pointing at the book that was covering your pebbled nipples.

"Uh… yes," you nodded, shyly, "it's a book about poetry."

"Poetry?" He asked, raising his eyebrows, "Mind if I have a look, little wolf?" 

You couldn't help but to wildly blush with the pet name, feeling butterflies inside your belly as you pulled the book out of your chest and left it in his hands. Aemond's eyes inevitably went to see your soft breasts covered by a thin white layer of silky fabric, breathing deep and harsh as he felt his cock twitch inside his pants once he managed to see your nipples through it. 

He remained calm, even when the only thing he wanted was to rip that gown out of your body and take you right there. Instead, he just sighed as his fingers elegantly turned the pages, reading some extract of the love poems in the book. 

"I see you're a romantic person, my Lady," he commented, without taking his eyes off of the pages, "do you consider yourself a fan of the genre?" 

"It's something that I enjoy reading, yes," you nodded. 

"I had the impression," he confessed, closing the book and leaving it aside, "have you ever been in love?" 

You shook your head, "I don't- I don't think so."

"Mhm…" he sighed, "that’s odd, you're a gorgeous lady, one might have thought you had a lot of suitors waiting for you."

"You're too kind," you said, looking retrained for a few seconds. 

"I'm just stating the facts, little wolf," he spoke softly, "It seems like your brother likes to scare them away."

"Them?" You asked confused. 

"Your suitors," he clarified, "that's the only reasonable explanation of why you are not married yet."

"He just wants the best for me," you defended him. 

"And what would that be?"

"A husband who not only sees me as a womb with legs, but also as something precious, something worthy of love and care," your dreamy voice made Aemond smirk, the naiveness in you amused him in so many ways.

"You're asking for too much in a society like this, don't you think?" 

You shrugged, "a girl can only dream."

The prince nodded, "and a man can only fulfill those dreams, am I right?" You remained silent, avoiding his heavy and penetrative stare at all cost, "have you ever been this close to a man before?" 

"No…" 

"I could tell," he chuckled, a sound that buzzed into your ears and made your mind go fuzzy, "you were quite nervous when I helped you with your bow this morning."

"I don't feel very comfortable with the proximity of men…" you confessed.

"Of all men, or just of me?" 

That's when you realized where this was going, and the panic quickly installed in your gut as you swallowed hard. It took you some time, but you finally noticed his true intentions. You knew you had to stop him before things went further. 

"My prince, I'm not quite sure what you mean by those words," you started to stand up, tumbling in your knees, "but it's late and it wouldn't be proper for you to be seen in my chambers, so please-" 

Your words were interrupted by the sudden action of Aemond, who pulled you closer until you stranded him, your legs at each side of his body as he forced you to sit on his lap, his hands pressed in your hips firmly, not allowing you to escape from his strong grip. 

"I think you know what I mean, my lady…" he whispered, leaning closer to your ear only to mutter with his seductive and raspy voice, "I think you can feel it."

Your breath hitched in your throat at the same time you tried to speak, "I- I don't know…" 

"Tell me what you felt when I touched you this morning," he commanded, his hands lowering to your thighs, starting to lift the thin fabric of your gown, "was it similar to what you're feeling right now?" 

"I… I don't-" 

"I sensed your nervousness when I said how good of a girl you are," he chuckled, starting to breathe in your neck, smelling your sweet scent, "does that arouse you, little wolf? Being praised?" 

"Prince Aemond, this is not proper, please-" you tried to pull away, but his grip pushed you down once again. Now you were able to feel his hard-on pressing right down your core, which sent you a sensation that caused chills down your spine. 

"That's not what I'm asking you," he spoke sternly, massaging your thighs, squeezing them every now and then, "Mhm… my sweet little wolf, you're shaking. Are you nervous now? You don't have to be, I won't hurt you."

"I told you I do not enjoy this," you breathed out, feeling his hands reaching your hips underneath your gown. 

"So you're telling me that if I dare to touch between your legs… I would not find your cunt drenching for me?" 

His words made you squirm, the blush running to your cheeks as his thumb started to caress your mons pubis. Your body tensed as you widened your eyes, feeling his finger pressing down. 

“I- I don’t- my Prince, please stop-” a small moan interrupted your words as he found your clit between your folds. His thumb rubbing it slowly as you closed your eyes; embarrassed that he was touching such a private part of your body. 

“Have you ever been kissed, my lady?” He asked, trying to hold back a groan as he felt your slick coating his digit, “Has someone been lucky enough to be the first to claim your beautiful lips?”

You shook your head, Aemond hummed with delight.

“Then I guess I’ll be the first…” 

You barely were able to process his words when he pressed his soft lips against yours. Slow movements that were easy for you to follow without much struggle as you held back whimpers of pleasure, for his thumb was still torturing your pearl in a slow and gentle manner. 

Your hand fell on his chest, not with the intention of pushing him away. You grasp his thin blouse, catching the fabric between your trembling hands as you felt the tip of his tongue starting to tease your lips. Hesitantly, your lips parted just a few inches, enough to give him space for him to claim your mouth; swirling his tongue against yours as you tried to keep up with his slow and tempting actions. 

He was able to taste your inexperience, the way you would doubt your movements before actually doing them was enough proof for him to know that you were not lying; he was the first man to kiss, which now made him more eager to also become the first man to fuck you. 

A gasp escaped your swollen lips when, in a sudden movement, he laid your body in the soft carpet, spreading your legs and placing himself between them. Your nightgown was wrinkled around your hips, exposing your glistening folds to him as he kept playing with your now sensitive clit. Soft mewls were heard as he stopped kissing you in order to taste your skin. You felt the wet caresses of his lips in your neck, your jaw, your collarbones, all while your hands were grasping the fur of the carpet beneath you. 

His fingers were soon covered in your juices, your hips trying to move against them in an attempt to feel more, but he pulled them away and you widened your eyes once you saw him licking them and humming after he felt your sweet taste against his tongue. Your breath was caught in your throat as you heard him groan. 

"My lady, you taste as sweet as you are," he spoke slowly, you blinked a couple times still feeling your mind fuzzy, "do you want a taste?" 

You gulped, not entirely sure of what to reply. The words were unable to come out, so all you could was nod. 

A careless smile appeared on his face as he left a soft kiss on your cheek, before you realized your legs were on his shoulders and his face buried in your drenching cunt as you tried to squirm away from the overwhelming pleasure his tongue was providing you. 

His slurping was heard, echoing in the room as you tried to push his head away from your pussy, breathing fast and unsteady as he devoured you. You felt his tongue teasing your needy hole as his nose rubbed against your clit, making you moan a bit too loudly. His hands were grabbing your hips tightly, just to make sure you don't escape from him; his fingertips burying in your soft skin as your body writhe under his skilful mouth. 

You could feel your own slick slipping down your thigh along with his spit. It was messy, far from being as slow and calm as the kiss he gave you before. He was eager to make you cum; licking, sucking, and fucking your cunt until you were nothing but a moaning mess. 

It was over before you even noticed it. With a loud gasp, your eyes rolling and your thighs pressing at each side of Aemond's head, you reached your first orgasm, which finished with you gulping and hiccuping with pleasure. You heard him moaning against your soaking folds, collecting all your slick to then lean over your body. 

He took a look at your face, your lips quivering as your cheeks were burning and tinted with a furious red. His fingers reached your chin, and made you open your mouth, which you did without hesitation. His spit fell in your tongue before your glistening eyes closed as you whimpered. You were able to taste yourself in it, the sweetness of your release coating your tongue. 

"Swallow it," he commanded, and you quickly obeyed him, "good girl…" he let out a chuckle, and you couldn’t help but to feel an unknown heat running down your body. "See? I told you you were sweet, doesn't it taste good?"

You nodded, sighing. 

"So good, so delicious…" he leaned to kiss you again as his hands pulled down your gown, freeing your breasts, "I swear it, my lady, I will not rest until your cunt is mine forever."

His big hands left a soft squeeze on your tits before they went to his pants, untying the lace and pulling them down. His leaking cock was now on your sight, hard and reddish. You barely noticed he took off his shirt as you were too hypnotized seeing that specific part of his body. Aemond immediately noticed your curious eyes, and he teasingly grabbed his cock in his hand only to stroke it a few times before letting it on top of your clit. 

"Do you want it, my lady?" He whispered, starting to rub himself on you.

You whined, looking down at the obscene scene of his cock parting your puffy lips. 

"Do you want my cock to make you feel good?" He groaned, feeling your slick coating his shaft, "I will give it to you if you ask me… Tell me what you want."

You gulped, trying to pronounce pleas. 

"Aemond… I- I want…" 

"Tell me, my beautiful lady," he muttered, "tell me what you desire."

"I want you… please… it's hurting, I-" 

The head of his cock reached your hole and he slowly started to sink in you. Your eyes widened as a soft cry escaped your throat. Your legs closed as you brought them against your chest, and Aemond groaned in disapproval. 

"Come on, darling… keep your legs open for me," he cooed, "I want to see your pretty pussy taking my cock."

He held the back of your knees, keeping your legs folded but spread. His cock was buried in your tight cunt as tears of pain started to fall down your cheeks. A loud cry was heard, louder than all of the others, and Aemond was quick to put his hand on top of your mouth. 

"Sh, sh…" he whispered, "It's okay, it'll pass. Just relax, my lady, it will feel so good."

He spreaded you open with one push, your back arched as you struggled to take him. He stayed still for a few seconds before his own lust decided that he could not wait any longer. Your walls were squeezing him deliciously as he started to pound against you, groaning and moaning as the pleasure was taking the best of him. 

Grasping on the fur beneath you, you started to sob. Aemond saw the signs of pain in your face and he quickly leaned over you in order to take one of your pebbled nipples into his mouth. The feeling that brought you was indescribable, and soon the pain became bearable as his thrusts remained slow but became harder. 

Aemond would choke his moans against your tit as his tongue skilfully swirling around it, licking and sucking as he kept fucking you, each thrust going deeper and deeper. 

"Fuck…" he sighed, "your pussy is so fucking tight. Made by the Gods just for me."

His words made you drool as the warmth of the fireplace was starting to affect you, making you sweat. His hand left your mouth, now going to play with your swollen and needy clit. 

"This little cunt belongs to me now, doesn't it?" he purred against your ear. 

"A-Aemond..."

He hummed, "how sweet you sound when you moan my name like that."

"P-please…" 

"What is it, my lady?" he teased you, "do you want to cum? Do you want to make a mess on my cock?" 

"Y-yes…" you managed to say, choking with your words as he thrusted harder, "Oh, Gods! Yes…"

"That's it, sweet girl…" he praised you, "taking me so well, so good. I'm gonna fill you up, leave you leaking with my cum. Is that what you want?" 

"G-Gods… yes, p-please!" you whined. 

"Then I guess I have no other choice but to give you what you want…" 

A soft chuckle left him as his thrusts became faster. His hips smacking against yours as he gripped your arsecheeks to gain stability. The sound of your slick drenching around his cock echoed in the room as you started to cry out, sobbing with pleasure and begging for more. 

Aemond looked at your cunt, and a soft and subtle whine was heard as he saw the way his cock disappeared between your folds. Your pleas would only make him desperate, eager to reach his climax and seeing your abused hole leaking his pearly seed. The image alone was enough to make his cock twitch inside you. 

"Fuck, so good… so fucking good," he lifted your hips, pounding restlessly against you as he leaned his head back, closing his eyes as his breathing turned unsteady, "such a perfect pussy, squeezing me so fucking good." 

You clenched around him, and that was what sent him over the edge, spilling his big loads of cum inside of you at the same time that your release exploded. Your cries were heard even in the hallway, as the intensity of your orgasm took over your shaky body. The feeling of him stuffing you with his seed sent you a shiver down your spine that made you twitch your hips. 

Aemond leaned over you to kiss you, pounding lazily as he was coming down from his orgasm. You receive the sloppy kiss as your eyes were closing by themselves, too worn out to keep them open. 

But then, Aemond decided to speak. 

"Look at you, sweet girl…" he said with an odd tone that you haven't heard from him until now, "what would your big brother say if he saw you now, huh? Filled with my seed, a mess under my touch."

Your breathing stopped for a second and only then you realized what you did. You opened your eyes only to find a smirk on his face, and your heart dropped. 

"You probably will be swollen with my bastard in a few months… then what would the people think of you? The Heart of the North carrying the Prince's bastard child…" 

"N-no…" you muttered, starting to softly push his chest. 

"Mhm, yes…" he scoffed, "unless I take you as my bride, of course."

A shaky breath came out of your nose as tears of despair fell down your cheeks, your bottom lip quivered as your gleaming eyes looked at his. 

"W-would you… would you take me as your wife?" 

Aemond smirked, starting to pull out of you. He hummed delighted with the view as he saw the pearly drops leaking out of you. He sighed, putting his pants on and fixing his clothes. 

"If your brother decides to join his forces with ours, I will take you as my bride and no one will know this happened before our marriage…" he said, standing up and looking down at you. "But, if he decides to join my sister's army…" 

He doesn't even need to finish the sentence for you to know the consequences of that. The panic ran down your body as you sat in the carp carpet, covering your nudity with your nightgown and crying. 

"How- how am I supposed to-?" 

"Cregan Stark will do anything his little sister commands," he interrupts you, taking a few steps towards you to gently grab your jaw in his hand, forcing you to look at him, "so you better choose the right option, my lady."

He left a caress in your cheek with a smug smile on his face. He abandoned your chambers, letting you there feeling helpless and a bit scared. 

It wasn't a big surprise for him when a few days later Lord Stark gave him the good news… and Aemond fulfilled his words, marrying you a month after the North joined the war and helped King Aegon II win the final battle against Rhaenyra. 

What was a surprise, was the birth of your first child, a month earlier than what the Maesters expected.

[casual-tarot]

Pick a Pile: People's First Impression of you

NOTE: These are from other people's perspective, not necessarily what you think of yourself. ALSO, these are mostly just quick thoughts, impressions, not a full fledged reading.

Pile 1

You come off as very ambitious, probably a very work oriented person. They think you're hardworking and probably assume you're financially well off. They also assume you help your coworkers out a lot

Intimidating.

Someone who looks like they can have a good time. Someone who, from across the room, is always smiling or making other people laugh.

Outgoing.

Fiercely kind, someone who isn't afraid to speak up when something is wrong but usually never in an aggressive way.

People may look at you as a motherly figure(regardless of gender) in that you will guide others and lend a shoulder when you can.

Leader type, especially when it comes to work and your career.

Inspirational at times, someone who can get those around you motivated for anything. Work keeps coming to mind so this likely has to do with your career, but that's not the case for everyone.

A go getter, someone who just goes for what they want to achieve, little to no hesitation.

A planner, you may seem like someone who will just go for things but they don't see you as incompetent or foolish. People clock you as someone who doesn't hesitate to get what you want, but always has a plan for it, even if you never speak that plan out loud.

Very just and fair, unlikely to have bias or to let bias get in the way of any matter

Someone who can see right through people

I'm getting the vibe that some people may see you as manipulative, like your ability to clock people is used for evil lol, these impressions likely come from negative/jealous people so pay them no mind

Someone bright and sunny, kind

I think people think you're especially soft with your lover(s), maybe they see you with friends/partners/family from afar and see how gentle and kind you are to them, and assume it means that you are a very loving and thoughtful partner. I'm hearing/seeing Hand cupping/caressing cheek.

I think some people daydream about being your partner, they see your gentle touch from afar and wish it was them you were touching.

Someone who is very romantic. Like, rose petals on the bed or fancy dinner romantic. Some people just assume you're gentle nature translates to a super stereotypically romantic partner.

Someone who doesn't really care about or notice anyone's opinions about you, they think you go with the flow and don't let others thoughts bug you.

(Note: I hope that last part is true for you Pile 1, cause I get that vibe too! lol)

Pile 2

Immediately I get the vibe that people see you as incredibly kind at first glance. Maybe a bit Motherly? Even if you don't identify as a female. Someone who understands your emotional state well

Someone who is very in tune with their intuition and subconscious. People probably see you as wise when they first see/meet you. You've got that airy peaceful look on your face.

Some people see you as stressed, someone who struggles because you put to much on your plate. Maybe from a distance, they see you take on task after task, favor after favor, and imagine that it must be stressful to have that all on your shoulders. I'm also seeing "commissions" so maybe you're an artist of some sort. This may or not be true, but others see it that way.

Despite the above point, I do think people see you as content. Someone happy with their life, who sees the positives in everything and rarely complains.

People see you as very creative and passionate. Maybe some of you create and sell things as your job, like an etsy shop for example. They see this and imagine you are incredibly talented and ambitious, willing to start a business all on your own. For those that don't have a career like that, they still see you as ambitious, a go getter of sorts.

A good work life balance. Maybe others see that, despite being a hard worker, you always make time for yourself and loved ones.

You have a keen eye, people think you can see things that others would normally pass by. They also think you're a great judge of character, that can see through someone in and instant. I'm imagining you meeting someone for the first time and clocking their intentions right away, and closing yourself off to them, only offering a polite smile and conversation. And then likely talking to them as little as possible. There are people that hate this because they know they can't manipulate you as easily.

I think you mirror others in a sense? Like, if someone is a bad person, you make them see that without ever having to say anything. They realize they're being cruel to you because you don't submit to them all while smiling kindly at them. It makes them understand that their actions are wrong. Some people see and hate this and will actively avoid you.

People assume you are at peace with yourself and your life.

People see you as successful, incredibly so. Whatever you've got going on for your career and in your life, people see and think you have it good. You come across as someone who is well put together in life. I'm thinking white picket fence, even if that's not necessarily the life you have. They see you as someone who imbodies that term. I'm seeing someone who gets out of their car with a bag of groceries, someone who seems to have that stress free and successful life others want.

A lot of people look up to you because of the above reason, you inspire them to believe in themselves and get to the point you have gotten too.

(A note for this Pile that I keep hearing, you're doing good! Your doing so well! Keep it up!)

Pile 3

Immediately hearing "a romantic" so maybe you're a romantic at heart or a hopeless romantic. People see you as someone who dreams of meeting "the one" and loves love.

People see you as very passionate, both in the 18+ sense AND the ambitious sense.

On the note of 18+ people see you and think you're extremely attractive, they see you as someone "hot" with a "rocking bod" lol. I think people are intimidated by this sometimes. You seem like a very sensual person to others.

People also find your ambition incredibly attractive, it doesnt have to be in the romantic sense either. Some people see your ambition and passion and just deeply admire it.

Ambitious and goal oriented, people assume you take great pride in your job/creative work and assume you have a sort of plan of action.

Despite that, people don't think you're necessarily in it for the money, they assume it's just a bonus for you lol. You may come across as very humble.

A jack of all trades

A ray of light, a beckon of hope. Maybe you're an optimist or you just come off that way, but people tend to look to you for positivity, mostly in a work environment. They assume you'll be kind in anything you have to say, even if it's bad news.

I think some people assume that, secretly, you must be struggling. "You hide it well but, I know you well." Is what I'm hearing. Not they necessarily think they know you, just that they get the vibe that no one can be that successful/happy without some sort of tragic background.

I'm getting the vibe that some of the more negative/jealous types might feel that your positivity is all an act.

Leader type.

Very zen, some people assume you do yoga or something lol

I think some people might assume you do prayers? Not necessarily to the Christian God(though maybe you do) but maybe towards other deities. You may come off as a bit witchy lol.

A hard worker.

Someone who stays late in the office, or who works on a project late into the night. They assume you'll work day and night to finish your assignments.

There are some people that assume you're greedy. People get a general vibe of success off of you. Some of them assume that you must have a lot of money and that wanting to keep that close to your chest is just a part of that. It's a 50/50 on if they think this is a negative trait or not, depends on the person lol.

You probably have money put away for a rainy day.

"The world is at your fingertips."

Tranquil.

Kind and friendly.

Vain. Some people see your success and assume you're cocky and full of yourself.

Confident. I think that's the overall vibe I get, someone who is confident in themselves and their work. Someone that doesn't care what other people think, and a lot of people admire this, though it definitely makes other jealous.

(A note for this Pile that I'm hearing: you do you! Don't listen to what other people say, don't worry about their first and lasting impressions. Live for yourself and keep doing what you're doing!)

[mothdruid]

Mate

pairing. werewolf!Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x afab!reader

word count. 2.7k

warnings. this is an 18+ piece of work, minors buzz off. 18+, mdni, smut, werewolf smut, penetrative sex (p in v), oral sex (fem receiving), mating mark, jake gives a mating mark to the reader, so also biting, knotting, cream pie, Jake is in human form but his dick has a knot (sorry, not sorry)

author’s note. the last one!! here is our emotionally inept man that we all love no matter what!

True love was weird. The entwining of two people, two souls in a special kind of warmth. A warmth that told you everything would be okay. Every bad day would pass. Negative emotions would melt away from you. Nothing could harm you as long as you had that one person in your life. And Jake had never believed in any of it.

Growing up he was told by his parents that one day he would find true love. Told him that once he found a person he shared true love with, they would get mated and spend the rest of their lives together. They would have a family together, watch their kids find true love, and so on. Jake would sit there and listen like a good son, only rolling his eyes once his mother turned her back.

True love was bogus in Jake’s eyes.

Sure, werewolves always found a mate, always had a family, and always died with their mate. It was a real cut and clear thing. Werewolves don’t live alone, always surrounded by a pack or mate. But finding someone that you practically could not live without? That was total horseshit.

Every holiday he came home his sisters went on about how they found their mate. Harping about how true love was real, telling Jake he would find someone eventually. Jake went all throughout high school and the military without ever experiencing this so-called true love. Met plenty of people, fucked a lot of them too. If true love was a thing, he would have found it by now. Or at least he believed.

It was that fateful night at the bar the pack always hung out at. Jake was actively beating everyone at the pool, Bradley being the only one coming close to beating him. Everyone was starting to back out, complaining about how Jake couldn’t let anyone else win due to his ego. Jake rolled his eyes with a big smirk before heading up to the bar. He had promised to buy a round of shots at the beginning of the night, and he assumed now was probably the time to do that.

Once he got to the bar he finally noticed you. You had to be new, he had never seen you before. And he knew that he would remember a face like yours. The way your hands moved over the tap, pulling the lever to fill the next glass of whatever draft. For the first time Jake thought about getting a beer on tap, wanting to take up as much of your time as possible. A pounding in his chest had started, something he had never really felt before. There was a sudden lump in his throat when he looked at him.

As soon as you spoke, he knew he was a goner.

But it didn’t immediately occur to him that it was ‘true love’. That was still something he rolled his eyes at, claiming that the relationship he shared with you was different. When his sisters asked him about it he would just happily say the two of you were trying things out, meshing well together.

The first time he actually considered that it might be true love was late at night. He was having a really hard time sleeping, yet you were curled up in a deep sleep next to him. A peaceful look was covering your face, one that made Jake’s heart swell. He couldn’t stop himself from staring, watching your most peaceful state. It was that night when he first said ‘I love you’ even if you weren’t awake.

But right now was different.

Right now Jake was currently sitting in the living room, waiting for you to get home. After a long talk with Javy, he had come to terms that this is true love and he had to accept it. He didn’t have to make it his entire personality, or change anything that he was doing. Simply acknowledging it would be enough. Telling you directly that he loved you. Letting you know that this was more than a simple relationship, it was one he was invested in. And one he hoped you were also invested in.

Jake immediately perked up when he heard the front door open. Anxiety bubbled inside of him slightly, thinking about how you might react to his confession. He had always assumed that you knew he loved you, whether he had formerly said it or not yet. From him asking you to move in, him taking you out for date nights, and even staying up late to make sure you got home from work safely.

“Hey,” you said as you passed the living room to the open kitchen.

Jake turned and draped an arm over the back of the couch. He watched you set your bag and keys down on the bar, letting out a deep sigh while you did. You turned around to face him and leaned back against the counter.

“Busy night?” Jake asked.

“Something like that,” you smiled at him.

“Well, come on over here and I’ll help you de-stress,” Jake waved his hand, beckoning you over.

You made your way over to him, rounding the couch to sit down next to him. His arms embraced you quickly, no hesitation in the movement. He let you lean back into him, relaxing into his chest. He pressed a kiss to your temple.

The two of you sat like that for a while. You relax into him while he prepares himself to tell you his feelings. But if anything, this moment encouraged him more to confess. The way you were trusting him with your peace, knowing that he would make sure you were well taken care of after a long day of work. He rested his head against yours lightly, embracing your prescience.

“Hmm?” You asked, knowing he had many thoughts swirling in his brain.

“What?”

“I can here you thinking,” you looked at him.

Jake let out a soft chuckle. That was another thing that he loved about you, how you could see right through him. No matter how hard he tried to hide something, you knew about it just by looking at him. You even asked him about being a werewolf on your first date. The way you just knew him like no one else.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” Jake’s voice grew soft.

“About what?” You asked with an intrigued look.

“I’m not really sure how to say it,” Jake started, “but I wanted to talk to you about my feelings.”

“Your feelings? And what feelings are those?” You took his hand in yours, running your thumb softly over his palm.

“Feelings towards you,” Jake said.

That made you perk up, completely invested in what he was about to tell you. You turned your body to face him, sitting up in the process. An awkward smirk covered Jake’s lips. You reached out and placed a hand on his knee, the other found his hand. You laced your fingers with his, a warmth blossoming between the two of you. Jake huffed lightly before he continued.

“Well, I think you might know what it’s about,” Jake said.

“Mmm,” you hummed lightly, “enlighten me.”

“Well, we’ve been together for a while now,” Jake swallowed, “and I’ve noticed there is something I haven’t told you yet.”

A small smile tugged at your lips. You rubbed your thumb softly against the inside of his palm.

“I love you,” Jake finally said.

It felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. Finally speaking his feelings into the world, freeing them from his mind. He studies your face, waiting to see some type of change. But the changes were small. Your gaze lightened and your smile grew a tiny bit.

“I know you do,” you inched closer to him, “and I love you too.”

You moved over top of Jake, looking down at him. Your hands moved to either side of him, gripping the arm of the couch for support. He brought a hand up to your face, thumb brushing over your skin lightly.

“You know,” Jake whispered.

“I know.”

“It’s true love though,” Jake whispered as your lips inched closer to his, “like I could mate you and not regret it.”

That made your heart skip a beat.

“Mate me?”

“Mhm,” Jake kissed you briefly, “share the rest of my life with you.”

Another kiss.

“Have a family with you.”

Another kiss.

“Experience everything with you.”

Another kiss, but this one didn’t stop.

The two of you were enamored with each other now. Lips dancing in a rhythm with one another. One hand was holding the junction of your jaw, the other slipping down and around to your ass. He started kneading your ass over your jeans, slipping his hand into your back pocket at some point, eliminating a tiny layer. Your body lowered onto his body, slotting between his thighs.

“Jake,” you whimpered as his lips moved.

A trail of kisses started down your jaw to your neck. Jake eventually stopped that trail at the juncture of your neck and shoulder. The curve of it was taunting, begging him to be bitten. But Jake refrained. Instead he licked and sucked at the spot, earning a few hip rolls from you. This continued for a few minutes, the two of you rutting together like teenagers while Jake marked up the spot where a mating mark should go.

Soft sounds were coming from the both of you, filling the room. Jake was marveling at the way your hips rolled against his, you moaning at the sensitivity he was causing on your neck. Somehow the two of you started to maneuver into a different position. Jake placed you in his lap, both of your legs bracketing his thighs. This way Jake was able to help roll your hips, and take your shirt off.

The warmth of his mouth covered one of your nipples immediately. Wet muscle swirling around your hardened bud, the other bud being rolled in between his thumb and forefinger. You arched your back, pressing your chest closer to his face. The sensations were guiding your body, as if you had no control. It was as if Jake was puppeteering you, controlling your moves with his own. You started grinding down into him, feeling his cock hard against your ass.

His hands started to ghost down your sides, palms barely touching your skin. His mouth moved to your other breast, taking your nipple into his mouth. Jake was taking his sweet time, enjoying you to the fullest extent. Savoring every sound and reaction you had to offer him. Every stupid wolf instinct in him was screaming to mark you, mate you.

He wanted the word to know how much you meant to him. Wanted everyone knowing that you were his world. The person who brightened his days, made the problems he faced seem solvable, and even helped calm down his egotistical side. Mating you would solve all of his problems, eliminating any bad feelings that he ever thought. A low growl bubbled in his throat.

“Jake,” you whimpered at the vibrations around your nipple.

“Perfect,” his lips started to press kisses between your breasts, “so fucking perfect, don’t ever wanna lose you.”

His hair was soft as you threaded your fingers through it, reveling in the small amount of shagginess he was allowing. When you had met him he was a clean cut and short hair kind of guy, but over time he had noticed you liked it a little longer. Long enough for you to run your fingers through and tug on it, long enough for it to peek out from under the occasional hat he wore.

It were small things like that that you picked up on. Him learning how to fold your laundry the way you liked without asking, remembering how you liked your food cooked, and so many more things. The way he just learned so much about you without asking, but also asking when he couldn’t fully figure the thing he needed to know out. You never needed to tell him twice, he always just knew. Even knowing when you had a bad day, making sure your time at home was relaxing. He was just perfectly in tune with you.

That’s why you never threw a fit about him not saying the three words. You knew he felt the three words, and his actions were definitely showing that to you.

“You won’t lose me,” you whispered while grinding, “never gonna lose me.”

With that Jake was rolling you over, back hitting the couch. He made quick work of you pants and underwear, tossing them to some unknown area of the living room. Without warning he was parting your legs, diving in between them to lap at your cunt. A gasp left you as he started to lick your clit. One of his hands slipped under the back of your thigh, then pressed it close to your body. His other hand pressed your other leg out, wanting you in whatever position he wanted.

Noises continued to pour from you like a fountain, a never ending flow of sound. Jake was loving it, loving the way he was able to show his love to you. Make sure you never forget what or how he felt for you.

As much as you wanted to keep feeling his tongue work you over, you needed him close to you. You tugged at his hair enough to get him to pull up from between your legs. Your lips crashed together as you started pushing his sweats down. Jake took the hint and sat back on his heels, pulling his shirt off then pushing sweatpants off.

“Knot me.”

Jake went into a frenzy after that. He lined himself up with your entrance, pushing his tip in you. It was a few thrusts until he was completely in you, stretching you out. Jake had always been a little big, but nothing you shied away from. The stretch was amazing, satisfying even. Little crescents were starting to form under your grip on his shoulders. Jake looked at you for a look of consent before he started thrusting.

His thrusts were deep and sensual. It felt like he was deliberately trying to stretch out your entire abdomen, each thrust feeling deeper than the last. There was a small shift in his angle, then you were seeing stars. That sensitive spot inside of you was now being pound into. Jake pressed his forehead to yours, staring deep into your eyes. He brought a hand up to cradle your jaw.

“I love you so much,” Jake whispered with a groan.

“Mate me.”

Jake’s thrusts stuttered when he heard the words.

“Are, are you serious?”

“I love you, and I want to love you forever,” you said.

Jake smashed his lips to yours, tongues mingling ferociously. You could feel his knot starting to swell, catching and tugging against your entrance every now and then. Jake broke the kiss and nuzzled into the junction of your neck and shoulder. His tongue was running over the skin, wetting and nipping at the skin. You could feel his thrusts starting to get sloppy, signaling he would be done at any moment. You clenched around him, sending the both of you over the edge.

A sharp pleasurable wave washed over you. Jake’s teeth had broke the skin of your neck and shoulder. His knot stretched out your entrance, slipping inside of you and locking the two of you together. You could feel his cum filling you. The feeling had your legs shaking, body exhausted from everything that just happened. Jake’s bite let up, mouth retracting from the new mark. He marveled at his work for a moment before going back in and licking it softly.

There was a warm sensation in your chest. It was new but comforting, like drinking hot cocoa on a cold day. Not only was there warmth, but there was a surge of general emotion. A type of connection, the mating bond.

“Do you..?” Jake asked softly after pressing a kiss near your mark.

“Yeah,” you answered.

Jake brought a hand to your face, running the backs of his fingers over your cheek. His heart couldn’t help but swell as he looked at you. It was as if he could feel everything you were feeling. It was finally all clicking into place. Why would you ever mate someone you experiencing true love with?

[mercurytrinemoon]

A lil guide to why you're not identifying with your natal chart

I've been thinking of writing this post for a few years now because this is one of the most common issues that people have when studying their charts and I feel like there's a lot of misconception around the topic sooooo I hope I can give you guys some ideas.

BIAS

As simple as that, people often have issues with taking a step back and really thinking about their life in relation to their charts. This is why astrology consultations (as opposed to reports) are often more advised. For most people, the way they are and the way their lives are is "normal", especially when we talk about things that are correlated with upbringing and culture. But also, your everyday life.

Just to give an example, I was once studying zodiacal releasing of my sister and I told her "seems like your peak period lasted from your childhood up to your late teens". She rolled her eyes and said that if that was her peak period then her life's a failure. But let me tell you how her teens went: she was super popular, everyone had a crush on her, one of her tattoos got an award at an international tattoo convention, she was one of the best dancers in her ballet school, she also has a brief history of being a metal singer and kind of by pure chance performed at Poland's Woodstock (now Pol'and'Rock - if you know, you know). I am probably missing something but my point is: she cannot look objectively at her life, for her that's just a normal teenage experience. But also, sometimes people's current aspirations often don't align with their past aspirations so when they look back, most events seem bland to them. And that is the case for a lot of folks.

Everyone has that friend who's always like: "I'm nothing special blehhh" and you just sit there and think of all their talents and accomplishments and just scratch your head. Or that person who always complains about having no money, yet they can live comfortably and can afford most of the things they want. And this goes for everything: talents, personality traits, home life and so on…

Remember, often times it's hard to really take a look at yourself in the mirror. And even if you do, you still see a flipped version of yourself.

MISINFORMATION, SIMPLIFICATION AND STEREOTYPES

I think this is a big one. And especially if your source of knowledge comes from the internet. When you learn about the signs and their characteristics, it's crucial to understand the nuances - and people pretty much always forget about it.

Every sign can have a certain trait: being driven is not exclusive to Aries, being sensual is not exclusive to Taurus, being talkative is not exclusive to Gemini and so on - it's all about the motives and the background of when and how that trait manifests.

For example, sure, one of the negative traits of Taurus is stubborness - because it's an earth sign and it's fixed. But Taurus is more than that, it's not just a one-ingredient sign. No sign is a one-ingredient sign. MOST people will be stubborn in some way: Aries will be stubborn if you won't let them do what they want, Gemini will be stubborn if you try to undermine their ideas and say they're wrong, Cancer will be stubborn about their grievances or about holding on to things tried and trusted and so on…

REMEMBER (and I want this plastered everywhere): no sign has the monopoly for anything. This goes the other way around: just because a Virgo was rude towards you, doesn't mean all Virgos will be rude towards you. NOT ALL *INSERT SIGN*.

Everything has a spectrum and everything has its place. Most Aries Suns are not full of anger and toughness all the time but maybe they love video games and they don't even realize that they're relieving their negative feelings by shooting everyone in Call of Duty? Or their job requires some martian energy, movement and discipline? Or they're very protective over the opressed ones and they're not afraid to fight for them when needed?

(And so yes, you probably do have that trait you claim you don't have in a certain context).

ASPECTS TO THE PLANETS AND OTHER INFLUENCES

"I don't feel like an Aries Sun", says a person with a Saturn square to their Sun, a Mars in Pisces and a Taurus rising. Well, first of all, I can guarantee you that you do act like an Aries in some ways but second of all - if your fiery and bold passionate lil heart is dimmed and harassed by Saturn, your Sun's dispositor is in a dreamy and passive Pisces and your Sun is in the 12th house AND on top of that, that slow Taurus rising is really clashing with cardinal Aries, then yes, this can make sense.

What can block or drastically alter a planet's infuence? Squares and oppositions, a contrasting stellium in another sign or house, sometimes being unaspected or occupying a house that is in aversion to other important points in the chart (so it's inconjunct), especially to the 1st house - you won't "see" your planets if they're in the 2nd, 6th, 8th or 12th house. Alternatively and interestingly, a planet (or more) occupying the 1st house may infuence and distort your view of things where you may not feel or seem to others like a "typical" exponent of your sign. Good example was when people weren't believing Halsey that she's a Scorpio rising - and with a stellium in her 1st house I don't blame them - her persona is influenced by Mercury, Venus and Jupiter, which is a pretty eclectic mixture.

HOUSE PLACEMENTS AND WHAT PLANETS "BELONG" TO

Not every planet talks about you because not every house talks about you. I've done two huge articles on house meanings and you can check them out here: PART 1 & PART 2, but to quickly sum them up:

1st: you 2nd: your posessions 3rd: your siblings/cousins, early education and neighbourhood 4th: your family and parents 5th: your children, sex life and fun activities 6th: your employees, pets and health 7th: your partnerships and open enemies 8th: your shared resources and inheritance 9th: your higher education, beliefs, travel 10th: your career and reputation 11th: your friends and networking 12th: your subconscious, loss, succlusion, sickness

So, as you can see, if you, for example, look at the planets in your 3rd house then they are largely talking about your family members or even neighbours. Have loud Aries Mars in the 3rd house but you're rather introverted and like to be left alone? Well, are your neighbours annoying? Is your neighbourhood a rather loud or even unsafe place? Do you feel a dislike towards your siblings cause they're always obnoxious when you're trying to relax and immerse yourself in your favorite book? Are your siblings sporty? Well, that's your Mars in the 3rd.

Have Jupiter in the 3rd house but you don't travel too much, you were never top of the class and you're shy? BUT how about your siblings, cousins or neighbours? Or maybe your school environment was very preachy or you even attended a catholic school? Look at the bigger picture because, newsflash, even your natal chart doesn't revolve all around you.

TIMING

If we're talking more about circumstances and events, this is a very important point to understand. You're not born with a load of experience and unless you're in your elderly age, you cannot ever say that a certain placement doesn't apply to you. You have Saturn in the 7th? Well maybe you went through that ONE bad breakup/divorce in your life - obviously you're not going through it for the eternity. You have Jupiter in the 7th house yet you struggle in relationships? But then you get into one in your 30s or even 40s and it's with the most jupiterian person in the world and you're happily together for the rest of your lives. You have Sun in the 10th house but you're whining that you're not acknowledged or popular or whatever? Well yeah, you're just being annoying, you know that not everyone can be a teenage superstar influencer or whatever - climbing the social ladder usually takes decades so don't even start with this one.

Nothing is constant. Things require time and that time is often influenced by, you've guessed it, ✨timing techniques✨ lol. So progressions, profections, transits, time lord periods etc. It may be that you won't even live enough to actually experience it. Some gain acclaim after they die, soz.

Other times certain events and traits only apply at certain moments in your life. I've mentioned my sister and her peak period in her teens. Well, she also happen to have Jupiter - her ascendant ruler - in the 3rd house, which may imply that she had the most luck and positive experiences during her school years. Same with other houses, If you have planets in the 7th house they may only be active while you're in a relationship. If you have planets in the 9th they may only activate when you're abroad or during your time in college. If you have planets in the 10th they may only switch on when you're on a high position career-wise. Not every house speaks of moments in life per se, but some do so keep that in mind.

WRONG HOUSE SYSTEM

Some of you stubborn lil kiddos might hate what I'm about to say… but if you're using the default placidus, I do encourage you to ✨open your mind✨ and check out your chart using the whole sign system. It's usually more straightforward and pretty much always more accurate from a constructive point of view.

✨ I GO MORE IN-DEPTH WITH THINGS LIKE THIS IN MY E-BOOK. ALSO, THE BESTEST ASTRO E-CALENDAR FOR 2024 THAT YOU CAN GET IS AVAILABLE HERE! ✨

[familyvideostevie]

hey.

okay. hello! i'm back. :)

maybe you noticed, maybe not, but i have been away for a while.

i wish i could say i've been out living my life, so caught up in happiness and joy and loving each day that i've just not had time for tumblr. but....that is not true. i have been having a tough time! being away has been good, as i've had time to do other things that i like and to put energy into my own well-being, but it hasn't been the best time, I'll tell you that.

i peeked on the dash every now and then to keep my queue full and reblogged soothing things to my main blog and tried my best not to feel guilty about it all (i was also booping on April 1 lol). i just...I really needed a break. i've really enjoyed being here the last six or so months as i've changed my blog and entered the pedro/tlou space but i've also felt so, so alone.

and i know that it doesn't really matter!! like, we should all take breaks and go outside and all that stuff. and I know plenty of people are not very active, but this blog has been such a vital part of my life and happiness since I started it almost two years ago, so any lapse in activity feels like a loss. I've met lifelong friends and flexed my writing muscles and learned a hell of a lot. the fact that I have started to feel isolated and alone on here is a sort of personal betrayal, and there is no one to blame but myself.

So, I’m pulling back.

it means a few things — i don’t know how much writing I’ll be doing from now on. For Joel, especially — it’s been wonderful to meet folks in that community but it has also been really detrimental to my passion for both the game and writing. I’d like to return to some other characters on my masterlist, but we’ll see. I’ve got endless personal projects away from tumblr that I want to pour love and time into (my non-reader fics, my newsletter, a romance novel, a sci-fi novel, poetry, etc). I need to fall in love with my own work again.

it's a me problem, I want to stress that. i'm working on it! irl stuff has been kicking my ass. I've had a really, really hard winter and my mental health has suffered probably more than ever before. i let things I love -- like this blog -- fester and become negative and no longer being me joy. writing became stressful and difficult and I was focused on notes and interaction and looking around me and seeing success and then looking at myself and only seeing lack.

but that's why I took a break! i am getting help and support irl, i am putting in the time and effort to feel better about being alive and to be a better friend and person all around. And I want to tell you all about it because I am so grateful for your time and attention and support, even if we’re just strangers on the internet. i know this probably seems silly -- who cares about a fanfic blog? well, i care! i care a lot! it matters to me and therefore it matters!

anyway. on to the important stuff. here I am! and here's what's going to happen on this blog:

I am working on replying to asks and reblogs and comments I missed. Thank you for being patient with me! I don't know if I'll get to them all but know I see them and I am honored every single time.

I made a totally separate ao3 account with this blog url. I'm working on uploading everything I've posted here onto there and hopefully will continue to crosspost. It is going to take a long, long time, so please be patient! (you can follow my other ao3 here for my non x-reader fanfic).

I posted this fic! Jackson!Joel pulled me back into his world. It’s the first thing I’ve written in ages, so let me know what you think. as of now it's the last planned fic for that series, but who knows!

I hit a milestone while i was away that I am absolutely blown away by. I'm planning a celebration around it sometime this spring (hopefully) and I’d love to see you participate :)

lastly, thank you so much to my friends for letting me complain, whine, winge, etc. I am so sorry for missing all of your work, your celebrations, your bright energies, and all the rest. i am so sorry if it seemed like i was ignoring you. you are my guiding lights, my silver linings, my touchstones. you make me want to be here. i will try to make it up to you!

I want to be online less but make sure I’m connecting more in the moments that i am here. I want to pressure myself to write less and not feel bad that I’m not engaged all the time. I want this blog to once again feel like a place that nourishes me and not sucks me dry. i want to stop feeling like shit about all of it!!!!

so. come hang out in my inbox, my dms, let me know what you've been up to. I am really sorry for missing so much. thank you for sticking around. <3

[scarasimplysimping]

All In

Part 1 (might be two parts idk)

(⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

Summary: A bet is placed to see if you can get the Summa Cum Laude to fall in love with you. (Scaramouche x Reader) (College au)

Contains: Idk. So it's one of those love stories where there's a bet. Hu Tao and Childe are kind of assholes for the sake of this fic, I am SORRY. Reader is also kind of an ass. Ooc. Some plot holes because I don't go to college or drink or smoke. Just roll with it.

(⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

2,822 words 15,518 characters

What a stuck-up prick.

That's what you thought of him anyway. He was *the* Summa Cum Laude of your year. He was snobby, self-centered, friendless, and to top it all off, he just so happened to be your partner for your big thesis.

It was not by choice but he had no partner because people were afraid of him and you had no partner because well... people hated you. It wasn't a project that could be done individually either, lest you wanted to die before you graduate.

"He's such a bore." You complain to your friends on the lunch table, Hu Tao, Childe, and Xiao. "I tried to make plans with him, really. I asked if he was free, and you know what he said?" You slammed your hands on the table for dramatic effect.

Hu Tao leaned in closer, strands of her hair falling onto the table, and alarmingly close to Xiao's food, making him scowl as he moved his tray.

"He said," you began, putting up a silly impression of him with a snobby expression. "I don't need bottom feeders like you dragging down my work. I'll handle everything. Pay me if you want."

Childe snorted. Hu Tao doubled over in laughter, mainly because you're impression was so on point.

"God, what a freak." Hu Tao mused as she wiped her tears from her face, she never passed on the opportunity to talk shit about someone she didn't like. Childe agreed with her but he was partly not paying attention. He jabbed his fork into Xiao's food.

"Fucker." Xiao muttered under his breath.

Your silly clique was a ragtag bunch of misfits in their own ways. Hu Tao was your childhood friend who always had something vindictive to say or some storm to stir up. She lived for the drama.

Childe started tagging along around highschool. He was a charming, silver-tongued ginger ball of sunshine, he started developing a negative reputation over time as as somewhat of a satyr, though.

Xiao was above all the petty and immature antics whichever one of you had the gall to cook up. In all honesty, he was only there because his older brother, Zhongli had asked Childe to help him settle in to the college life. Childe owed the man a favor so he dragged the poor emo wherever you guys went and you kind of just got used to his company.

Then there was you, there was one thing that set you far apart from them all.

Money.

They were filthy rich and you, an independent college student, had not a penny to your name after you decided to up and leave your family to follow Hu Tao to college. You didn't really have to work though, your friends pretty much covered most of your college expense as casually as a friend would by you lunch.

"I know I can't really help him, I mean, my grades are dogshit right now but like I don't know how to pay him either," You said, burying your face into your palms.

Childe scoffed. "I don't even think he means it. Plus, it's nothing to worry about. We've got you covered if that greedy little nerd actually demands shit from you."

"Yeah, just let him do everything by himself," He continued "Watch him or something, in case your professor wants updates.."

A small smirk formed upon his lips. "I bet he's not that hard to watch anyway."

You playfully punched him on the shoulder "Gross!"

"You gotta admit he is kinda cute," Hu Tao chided in. "Right, Xiao?"

Xiao shrugged, far too focused on actually having lunch.

Childe snaked an arm over you. "Tell you what, (Y/N). If you can somehow bed the prudish bastard before the end of this semester, I'll fork over some money for this month's rent."

"Hu Tao pays rent."

"I'll fork over some money for anything you want."

"Hmm... I want VIP tickets to La Signora's concert."

"Done~"

"Oh my archons! Like actually?" Hu Tao couldn't tell if you both were serious. "(Y/N), your charm is above average but I don't even know if you can pull this one off."

You roll your eyes." Have faith in me. I bet he's easy."

Hu Tao leans back thoughtfully, a mischievous smirk playing on her face. "Alright, (Y/N). If you manage to pull this off I'll give you a grand.

You gape at her. "Seriously?

"Absolutely."

You know were only entertaining the idea because they had no actual faith you'd pull it off, but to you. This was easy money.

You slowly turn to the brooding emo on the table. "What about you, Xiao?"

His eyes narrowed at you. "What about me?"

"You gonna offer anything?"

He scoffs, groaning internally and being the only one with a moral compass. "Only an asshole would find bets such as these any type of fun."

Childe flicks his wrist dismissevly. "We are assholes."

(⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

It was hard enough convincing Scaramouche to work on the project and your (and Hu Tao's) place but now you had to deal with the emanating silence from you both. You've barely ever talked to him but the tension in your room could be cut with a knife, or maybe that was just your imagination.

He was sitting cross legged on your bed, typing away at his laptop with several papers surrounding him. You were sat across from him in the same position, nursing a cigarette in between your fingers.

"Do you want something to eat?" You finally break the silence.

He doesn't look up from the screen as he responds. "What do you have?"

You look to the ceiling, trying to recall what you and Hu Tao had last shoved into the fridge. "Uh... Pesto... Pizza... Dumplings. Probably some leftover vegetables."

"Bring me them all." Talk about shame.

"Alright." You say, putting out the cigarette on your nightstand. You couldn't help but notice the tiny scowl on Scaramouche's face as he glanced at the ashtray.

You come back balancing a bowl of pesto, a bowl of dumplings, and a bowl of salad on a box of pizza. Scaramouche pats on the side of your bed, indicating for you to drop the offerings there.

You light another cigarette as you take your previous seat in front of him.

"The weather is pretty nice today.." A sad attempt at conversation on your end.

Silence

"So... Childe's hosting a party tomorrow night, would you like to come?" You try once more.

Scaramouche still doesn't say anything, he doesn't even look up from the screen.

You blow a puff of smoke on his face. He coughs a bit before glaring at you with cold judging eyes. At least he was actually looking at you now. "I have no time to indulge in that crap."

"You have plenty of time. That thesis isn't due for another month."

"Well not exactly, since I'll be doing the work for both of us."

"Do you have a problem with me?"

"I have a problem with people like you." He glowers.

"People like me?" You raise your eyebrows.

"People who just have everything spoon fed to them by luck or by birthright and take that as a reason to slack off for the rest of their life since everything just magically works out for them." Scaramouche wasn't wrong, you really fucked around and never found out but still, what right did he have to judge you?

"Didn't know you knew me so well." You say, blowing out another puff of smoke but this time it's to the side.

Scaramouche opens his mouth to respond, then closes it once more. You had a point. It was hypocritical of him to listen to judge you based on gossip.

Finally, he speaks after a few minutes of silence.

"I was out of line." It's an apology although he doesn't outright apologize.

"Yeah." You decide to take advantage of his momentary guilt as you inquire about what he's working on. "So, do you mind telling me what you're doing?"

"Well, I'm looking online for research papers related to the topic were studying. I'm taking snippets I find interesting and I'll save them for later to expand on them in our thesis."

Scaramouche speaks a bit more but you're hardly listening. You take this time to really observe his physical appearance. Hu Tao was right; the man was cute. His eyes, his mouth, his lips. If you took a meat cleaver to the center of his skull, you'd have matching halves.

Even his hair looked softer than unicorn fur.

"(Y/N)?" He snaps you out, a displeased expression creeps upon his face upon noticing that you aren't even paying attention.

"Your hair looks softer than unicorn fur," you blurt out.

His eyes widen slightly, and you could've sworn he turned a shade pink before he feigned a disgusted look to save his dignity. "What the hell?"

You caught on immediately. There it was. Scaramouche had a weakness. The Summa Cum Laude, the bridge troll with a big brain and purple hair (as Hu Tao once described him) is someone who gets easily flustered .

"You're kind of cute." You push on.

"Shut the fuck up." His head lowers, he dares not look into your eyes.

"Come to Childe's party with me?" You ask once more.

(⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

Scaramouche hated you. He hated your face and your voice and your personality. He hated every single atom you were made up of, but most of all he hated the way you were able to persuade him to come to this stupid party. And for what? Just because you were the first person to ever call him cute? He'd curse you and all your descendants to come.

Childe's party was just a gathering of drunks and trouble makers. His house was practically a mansion that could fit 60% of the university's student population.

He hated the blaring lights and unbelievably loud, repetitive, and distasteful music.

"I hate this!" He has to shout for you to hear.

"I know!"

"I'm going home!"

"You can't! You're my ride home!"

"We walked here, dumbass!" Scaramouche wanted to leave you truly he did but something, wasn't letting him. His moral compass or his growing fondness of you?

Childe finds you, placing an arm around your shoulder. "Hey!" He hands you a shot glass which you graciously accept and down in a couple of seconds, much to Scaramouche's dismay.

Childe pays no attention to your companion until he does a double take and realize it's Scaramouche.

"Holy shit! Is that Scara!?" Childe grins hazily. He was drunk drunk.

Scaramouche does not respond. He is frowning while Childe handed you half a bottle of gin.

You drink it within a couple minutes as you chat with Childe.

Scaramouche stands there, awkward, cranky, and out of place as the only person he's aquatinted with in this party is getting absolutely inebriated.

At some point you don't know when or from where but you get your hands on another shot glass.

"You're not drinking that," Scaramouche states firmly.

"I am." You bring the cup to your lips but Scaramouche is faster, he snatches it from you and lets it fall to the ground.

"What gives!?"

"I'm not carrying your drunk ass home just because you drank away the capability to walk!" He shouts at you.

People are staring now. Is it because of the commotion or because Scaramouche was the last person anyone would expect to see at a party?

Scaramouche didn't like the staring or the attention. "I'm going fucking home." He says, grabbing your wrist and pulling you past the crowd. "So are you."

Childe is left there, impressed. He takes out his cellphone.

To: Hu Tao

She's actually gonna pull it off. Wtf

From: Childe

You stumble and trip as Scaramouche drags you through the night. It was a miracle you could keep up. (It wasn't, he slowed his pace on purpose to match yours but it still wasn't slow enough for your drunken ass.)

"Scara, slow dooown~"

He ignores you until he feels you slip from his grasp, landing with a thud. "What the fuck is wrong with you!? Do you not have the smarts to walk!?" The boy scolds.

You decide to rest your knees a bit as you stay on the ground.

You hear him sigh sharply before crouching in front of you. "Get on."

"What? Like piggyback style?"

"Yes, damnit just get on." His face wasn't facing you and it was dark. Scaramouche was eternally grateful to the archons that you couldn't see the way his ears reddened.

He carries you like that until you're at the front door of your place. Scaramouche gently drops you off. Miraculously not panting. (He wasn't that athletic.)

"Can I trust you enough to tuck yourself in?" The boy asks, his tone was calm this time.

You nod in response.

"Alright." Scaramouche turns his heel to leave.

"Scaramouche." You call out.

He turns back to you, a little too quickly.

You try to take a step towards him except you "accidentally" trip on air and crash onto his chest. He barely moves an inch but his hands instinctively wrap around you. You can see the exact moment he scrunches his nose as well as the moment before that where his cheeks flush.

You'll blame this on alcohol later. You'll also blame alcohol for when you pulled his collar to place a quick peck on his lips.

This was the night Scaramouche nearly passed away.

(⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

Scara paced around his room. What the fuck was that? Why the fuck would you do that? His heart still raced as fast as it did when you kissed him.

He replayed the kiss over and over in his mind. Why? Just why? He mussed his hair in frustration as he plopped himself on the bed. If Scaramouche focused enough, he could still feel their lips on his, even if it was just for a fleeting moment.

Why had a drunken asshole decided to take his first kiss? Why was he reacting so weirdly?

And why did he just tuck tail speed walk away right after it happened without saying shit about it?

(Y/N) will probably tell their friends. They'll gossip and laugh at how the smartest person in their program was turned into a blushing, sputtering mess at the mere kiss of some drunk. Some overly confident, obnoxious, attractive drunk who's lips were soft as velvet.

The thought has him reeling. Rolling to the side, Scaramouche pulled a pillow over his head and groaned into it.

"I'm done guessing. What's wrong with you?" His inner monologue was broken by his cyan haired roommate.

"Nothing. Fuck off, Dottore." His words still muffled by the pillow.

"All your ceaseless brooding is keeping me distracted. I suggest you stop whining if you don't want me to give you more reasons to whine."

Silence.

That came out wrong, but it got Scaramouche to shut up so who would complain?

(⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

It was a crush. That's what Dottore had said to him. It made jackshit sense though. Why would he like you? You were just someone he perceived as a slacker. It's possibly because you were the only one who ever showed interest in him. He'll probably get over it when he finds someone else to adore, but he couldn't.

Scaramouche was once again working on the thesis, on your bed. He didn't bring up the kiss. Maybe you'd forgotten about it? A small part of him hoped that you didn't though.

Finally, he decides to speak up. "I demand compensation."

You shoot him a confused look.

"What? Don't you remember?" Scaramouche scowls.

"You kissed me..."

"Did I?" You feign innocence.

"Do not make me repeat myself." He orders. "That was my first kiss. I demand some kind of compensation." His cheeks were heating up as it became harder and harder for him to look you in the eyes.

"Oh?" You bring your index finger below your lips in an expression of mock thoughtfulness.

Scaramouche's scowl deepens at your mocking finger below your lips. "Do not toy with me," he warns. "You took something and I want fair repayment."

You chuckle, enjoying his ruffled feathers. " And what is a first kiss worth these days?" Leaning back on your hands, you look him over appraisingly. "I'm not convinced it was really your first. You seemed to know what you were doing..."

His cheeks redden as he scrunches his nose at your audacity. "You're insufferable."

"And yet you enjoyed kissing me." You smirk. "Perhaps you even want more?"

Scaramouche's embarrassment only grows at your bold insinuation. "You presume too much, fool," he bites back, though his resolve seems weakened.

You shrug. "Suit yourself. I was just about to offer a date."

He narrows his eyes at you, as if trying to ascertain if this is some sort of trick. "A date?"

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 3/19

What am I feeling today?

Tired but excited and grateful! Today is my last clinical rotation on the stroke unit and as much as I enjoyed it, I’m really looking forward to being able to rest and have my Tuesdays open!

Bible Plan: Spiritual Wilderness

In my younger years, it was hard for me to continue my devotions when I didn’t feel His presence for a while. It was discouraging, but I have learned a few things that have changed my perspective.

One thing I learned is that God promises to reward those who fervently seek Him, not who only find Him. We don’t seek God because He is lost. He is always near to us because His Spirit lives within us. We go to prayer not to find God but to be with Him. With that said, there are seasons in life where it seems and feels like His manifest presence is gone.

During these seasons you must understand that God is building up your faith since Jesus is the author and perfecter of your faith. Without faith, it is impossible to please God, and this faith gets stronger as your feelings get weaker. You are forced to rely only on God’s Word, not on your feelings or experiences. In seasons of your spiritual wilderness, only faith can help you come closer to God. If you live by your feelings, you will feel distant from God. When you go to God’s throne in spite of your negative feelings, you are building your faith.

I find it encouraging that He is not a rewarder of those who feel or experience Him but of those who do their best to seek Him.

King David was called “a man after His own heart”. God didn’t say that David had His heart; he was simply after it. David was in constant pursuit of God. In reading the Psalms that he wrote, we see his heart’s journey into the presence of God. At times he would complain that he didn’t feel God, yet he was still seeking after Him. God likes that. He wants us to pursue Him, even when we don’t feel like it.

In fact, not only does God love that we pursue Him, but He also rewards us. This truth has been the source of my encouragement. I don’t submit to my feelings, but I let my faith grow by going to God no matter what’s happening in my life.

There’s so much to get from this and I thought it was incredible! First off, seeking Him over finding Him. You can find God once because He’s not far from any one of us, but seeking Him is a daily thing. You have to consistently go after Him day after day, acknowledging Him when you feel like it is not biblically sound.

Additionally with the seeking, relying on His word instead of your feelings. The heart is deceitful and your feelings are not always accurate. We can sometimes let ourselves be controlled by our feelings and let them direct how we operate but that can lead us down the wrong path. God’s word will always be right and ready for you, so read it, use it, apply it, keep it in your heart!

1 Samuel 13:13-14 NIV

““You have done a foolish thing,” Samuel said. “You have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you; if you had, he would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. But now your kingdom will not endure; the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him ruler of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.””

For reference, this is Samuel rebuking Saul and the one who talks about in regard to who the Lord has sought out is David. Even though David struggled a lot, He always sought after God, seeking Him daily and I really want to imitate that as best I can.

Hebrews 11:6 NIV

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

I mean this is very self explanatory and emphasizes the importance of our faith and seeking after God every single day.

Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

“Let us run with perseverance” -> I want to place some emphasis on this. We can get tired and weary in our walk with God, especially when we’re in the spiritual wilderness where even our own emotions can be attacking our faith. But God wants us to persevere, we need to have our hearts set on the goal of it all, to be reunited with God after death! Also, Jesus is meant to guide us in this! He’s the perfected of our faith! Without him, we’d have no chance in having a relationship with God and it’s important to remember and be grateful for what he did for us on the cross.

[mewmewpercy]

Everything Right and Wrong with Penacony

In the spirit of Penacony being a finished story it's high time I finally shit on it. But it's also time to praise certain parts of it.

Let's get the negativity out of the way. So for starters I'm so fucking pissed there were no poc playables. Like genuinely. This was based off of the Jazz Age of America. That was when us black folks were spreading our influence nationwide. It was a time that should be celebrated for bringing so much of what America is known for now.

It's obvious in everything from clothing styles down to the literal background music that it was this time. The name of the Penacony ost albums are called The Flapper Sinthome. FLAPPER. DUDE. AND THE CLOTHING??? It's so reminicent of that time period man. Everyone in fancy clothing looking dolled up and dressed to the damn nines. And the music is literally JAZZ. AND ITS GOOD JAZZ TOO. Nothing beats running around with saxophone in my ears.

I'm kinda digging the fact that Penacony was very obvious in showing that while things may have looked all fun and dreamlike and beautiful in this place there were deep rooted problems. The way it was dreams I just. Like the way that the Dreamscape felt like what you could call the American Dream but when you "wake up" and really take a look at what you might not be shown to you you realise how messed up the place truly is. Like that's actually such good storytelling to me. Penacony is called the Land of Dreams. It's a vacation spot many people frequent. Tell me that isn't so fucking America. Any fellow Americans can attest to the fact that America may seem cool to an outsider but we have deep rooted issues we still can't get rid of.

Next we gotta get into the religious symbolism because hoo boy that was a lot. So as a Christian when I was going through the story I was just. It was so good. I know everybody complains about the 2.2 bit being long winded. I know a lot of people)myself included) skipped some dialogue but just. It was so well done. The entire arc Sunday had that update was so religious trauma core and I love it. His constant talk about choices. The damn one or damn all ideology. The way he was literally martyring himself? The way he described the seven days? The entire boss fight? The motifs all over and around him? I'm sorry he's just such a banger fucking character I love him.

The last thing I absolutely gotta discuss is the way the inconveniences and emotions were done. So Penacony introduced us to the annoying sign boards that quite literally follow you which is way too reminiscent of when you see the same ads and billboards no matter where you go and you can't escape them. Advertising is so fucking common here I hate it but the signboards really represent how infuriating they are. The fact that the cars swerve out of your way at the last second and when they hit you they just keep going? Hit and runs and irresponsible drivers core fr. The people throwing up in the streets because of drinking too much alcohol SoulGlad? Yea that's normal. The amount of people with varying emotions scattered around? The way there's a literal pepeshi wanting to jump off the balcony? The way you can literally go into their mind and change their emotions? Like that's gotta be a reference to our drug problem here.

So yea Penacony could've been made so much better with a poc cast. I wish we could've had more diversity. But I do love how well the details were scattered around. I love comparing it to my life. I like that a lot. I won't deny they did good on that. But c'mon where's me a beautiful black queen with the biggest fro and best damn clothes at? They would've ate so hard with that.

[ifearimaybeanamericanidiot]

Spelling Video

Context: I love the spelling bee videos, but I always feel s bad because Chris and Matt seem genuinely upset and disappointed with themselves that they didn't get the word right at times. So, basically here's this. I'm going to write a Matt version in a little bit.

Summary: Chris is upset that he struggles with spelling so much. His partner is always there to cheer him up though.

Chris Sturniolo x reader

TW: self-hate/negative self-talk

*important note: Matt calls his gf 'cat/kitty' in this as a nickname. I hate y/n but I didn't want to use an actual name for the immersion. the gf's friend is refered to with bear, also a nickname. sorry if this is confusing :')*

"Chris, it's not that big of a fucking deal." Nick says, his voice coming off a bit harsher than what I know he meant.

"You don't get it! You're so good at spelling! It's just embarrassing when I try to do it." I let out a huff of a breath. I cross my arms.

"You're not great at spelling, so what? I get words wrong too, and so does Matt. You don't hear him complaining." Nick stops. "If you really don't want us to post the video, then we won't. We'll have to film something else though, and I can tell you're tired. The fans like these videos, but it's up to you." He puts a hand on my shoulder. He's right. I am tired. I really don't want to film anything else tonight.

"Fine." I give in. "I guess it's fine if we post the video."

"I'll edit out some of the really bad spelling errors." Nick says. I know he's trying to cheer me up, but it does next to nothing. I nod to let him know I heard him.

"Let's go watch something downstairs while Nick edits. Okay?" Matt slides his phone into his pocket. He was probably texting his girlfriend about the words he spelled right even though they were really hard. I agree and we head down to the living room.

Matt clicks on Spongebob, then switches it to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I know he's trying to cheer me up, and while it is hard to be sullen when that absolute banger of a theme song is playing, it doesn't make the bad feeling in my stomach go away. It's only pushed to the back of my mind.

I get closer to Matt, snuggling up against his side. We get through a couple episodes before he pauses it. "Why'd you stop it?" I frown.

"I asked a couple people to come over. They'll be here in a few. Are you sure you want to be snuggled up to me like this when they get here?"

"Huh? All our friends know that we're close like this? I don't see why it would make a big difference." Matt pauses before he responds to me.

"I invited my girlfriend over." I wait for him to continue. "And her friend." I continue waiting because I'm still not seeing the big deal here. Matt sighs. "The one that always teases you about everything." Also the one I have feelings for. I don't want her to see me like this.

"No. Why would you invite her? Seriously, Matt." My voice comes out all whiny and I turn away from him. He wraps an arm around me, looping under my arms; preventing me from moving away further.

"I was telling cat about the stupid spelling thing and she asked if her coming over would make me feel better and I said yes. She asked how you were doing and I told her you were upset. She said she had an idea but needed bear to come with for it to work." He pulls me against his side again in a sort of hug. "Just trust us, okay?"

"Fine. But if she makes it worse, you owe me McDonald's."

"Whatever you say, Chrissy." He gives me one last squeeze and removes his arm, but I don't move away from him.

"I'm not going to move." I say, crossing my arms.

"That's fine, I'll tell cat to let herself in." I nod, and we go back to watching the now unpaused episode. I guess I must have nodded off for a little while. Matt's girlfriend is here, sitting on his other side and the turtles have been replaced with Drake and Josh.

"Hey, why'd you turn off the turtles?" My voice is rough and my words are slurred together. I rub my eyes, trying to wake up the rest of the way.

"I told you not to turn them off. I told you two the second you turned them off he would wake up, didn't I?" Cat's friend says. She's sitting with my legs over her lap. "You woke up the baby."

I pull my legs away from her. "It's fine. I needed to get up anyway." I say defensively.

"Dude." Cat hisses at her friend.

"Shit. Chris that came out wrong. I'm sorry." Oh. Well, that's never happened before. Strange.

"It...it's okay." I stretch my legs back out, but don't put them over her lap.

"The new video is up." Matt tells me, poking my shoulder.

"Can we watch it?" Cat's friend, Bear asks. She's pretty and mean to me. Absolutely not.

"No." I deny her. Cat already has the remote though and is pulling it up on the TV. I look at Matt. He asked me to trust them. "Fine. I don't care." We start watching the video. I'm tripping over words and single letters. It's so fuckin embarrassing.

Finally, in the video, after like five minutes, I get one easy ass word right. "Chris! That was so good!" Bear says from near my feet, moving closer to me.

"No, it fucking wasn't." I'm not going to let her just lie to my face.

"Yes, it was. You did your best. Looked really cute doing it too." She grins at me. My face gets hot. Matt and Cat get up.

"We're going to go get something to drink." It's just me and Bear. Matt said to trust them. I'm okay. It's okay. I sit up in Matt's absence, facing Bear.

"I'm serious, you know. I think you did really good." She gets closer. "You can ask me to spell words, if it would make you feel better." I shake my head. "C'mon, ask me to spell something."

"Fine. Spell..." I think for a second. "Fuchsia." Her face scrunches up.

"Hmmm, fuchsia...I think it's like y-o-u-r-f-a-c-e. Is that correct?" My face gets hotter.

"Uh...not even close." What is she doing?

"Oh. How do you spell it then?"

"Um, f-u-c-h-s-i-a? I think. Something like that."

"Good job, Chris. You're so fucking smart." She reaches out, touching her hand to my face. "So handsome too." Suddenly, she lurches forward and kisses my nose. "Sorry. I had to. I've wanted to do that since we met."

"Uh, it's okay Bear-" I yawn. "Sorry, I'm still tired."

"It's okay. You can take another nap on my lap if you want." I must be really tired because I move my head to rest in her lap.

"Why'd you call me the baby earlier?" I blurt out.

"Honestly? That's just how I view you. You're the youngest and you're goofy and pretty needy at times. Mostly though, I'd like to be able to call you baby, or my baby. So, I said the baby instead."

"Oh." I bury my face against her stomach. "I think I'd like that." I let out another yawn.

She pushes my hair out of my face. "Just go to sleep baby." Matt was right. This is helping. "I'll be here when you wake up. Just relax and sleep, my baby." She coos a little bit and I am dragged into the darkness of sleep.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Strain switches Yata and Fushimi's personalities. They're aware of it and tries to act the same but can't. Like Yata can't help but be easily annoyed and pessimistic while Fushimi becomes kind of loud and has trouble keeping his feelings hidden or something. They hate it but it takes a while for the effect to go away. At the same time, they end up getting a bit better understanding of each other.

I like the idea that this doesn’t change who they fundamentally are it just changes the way they express themselves, like Yata suddenly has issues being honest and keeps seeing the bad side of things while Fushimi can’t control his emotions like he usually does and just keeps blurting out whatever he feels. Imagine this post-ROK, Yata and Fushimi have like just decided to start living together again. They think it’ll be easy, just like old times, but it’s actually kinda awkward and difficult because they’ve both changed as people. Fushimi can’t stop himself from thinking that somehow things are going to turn bad again while Yata keeps relapsing into assuming things and has to stop himself and be sure he asks Fushimi clearly instead.

Maybe they end up having a small fight while out chasing a Strain, both complaining that the other is exhausting. That’s when they get hit by the marriage counseling personality switch Strain. After the Strain flees Yata finds himself clicking his tongue in annoyance at being jumped while Fushimi is immediately like get back here you useless asshole and let us kick your ass. They both pause and exchange looks, Yata’s like ‘…you are Saruhiko, right?’ and Fushimi’s like ‘are you okay, Misaki?’. Fushimi ends up calling S4 and finds out about the personality switch thing. He hangs up all annoyed, complaining loudly about how this is going to be so inconvenient, while Yata just huffs and clicks his tongue again. 

So now they have to navigate this new personality swap and I like the idea that they’re both kinda surprised at how many emotions the other person has. Like Fushimi of course feels it most visibly, normally he keeps a tight hold on all his emotions and now he’s suddenly blurting out everything he thinks. I imagine he’d find this really annoying, like imagine Hidaka helps him with something and before he can stop himself Fushimi smiles and sincerely thanks him. Hidaka is over the moon while Fushimi is tripping over himself trying to walk back that sincere praise he just gave. Meanwhile Yata is struggling because he absolutely wants to express himself but the words won’t come out, like he just feels on edge thinking if he says things honestly there will be negative consequences. I could see him really having issues at his job too and he has to take some days off, because his boss isn’t happy that Yata’s gone from being this eager friendly employee to someone who doesn’t even seem to be enjoying it when he’s helping teach the kids. 

Eventually they both get home later in the day and they’re both exhausted. Fushimi says he doesn’t get how Yata just…says things, all the time, like it’s so tiring and strange to be able to just say what you feel. Yata’s quiet and then he leans into Fushimi and asks if this really is what it’s like to be Fushimi, always on a knife’s edge like this. Fushimi says it is and then looks annoyed, he didn’t want to say that out loud. Yata says he’s sorry he didn’t realize it and Fushimi says he didn’t know it was like this for Yata either, how it can be hard to be honest all the time with your heart on your sleeve. He says maybe it’s a good thing that they got to see things from the other person’s side for once and Yata smiles softly as he nods, it’s hard but at the same time he’s realized how much more relaxed he feels at Fushimi’s side and it occurs to him — this is how Fushimi feels around Yata, and once Yata can stop the voices in his head from yelling he’s going to make sure Fushimi knows it will always be safe by his side.

[hahnspoetrywrites]

I Love You, I'm Glad I Exist (Abbey Smith (Misfits) x fem!reader)

A/N: i love abbey with my heart and soul and she deserves all the happiness in the world

Warnings: mentions of SA, violence, blood, kissing, dirtbag drunk man at the bar, jess and alex being a bit insensitive (mainly jess), please let me know if i've missed any!!!

Word Count: 4.6k (i'm so sorry it's a longer one)

AO3

Whenever you were all at the bar Abbey always sat next to you, arm wrapped behind you as you leant against her. This was usually what happened when the community service gang hung out.  Rudy was usually chatting about some random woman he got with, Finn was usually pining after Jess, Jess was always after Alex the bar man, but you were happy cuddled up next to Abbey. You were never sure if she knew you’d liked her or not (heck, you weren’t even sure if she liked women) but you’d always savour this time with her. She never complained, if anything sometimes she’d pull you closer. Her hand sometimes caressed your hip, sometimes your shoulder, sometimes your arm. The second you’d all leave the bar, however, she’d leave without so much as a goodbye. It always stung, no matter how hard you tried to deny it. 

Tonight had started out no differently than any other. You guys had moved to frequent your usual booth as one member ordered drinks. Abbey seemed more distant today, choosing to sit away from you on the opposite side of the booth. You took a deep breath. It doesn’t sting, it doesn't sting, you thought to yourself repeatedly. Rudy eyed you cautiously. He knew your power all too well. 

You could share your emotions with people through touch and in turn, feel other people's emotions. You could sense their emotions from a distance but when you touched them, it became intense. You weren’t the best at opening up before the storm, bottling up as much as you could. But post-storm… it got so much worse. When your ex tried to touch you after weeks of avoiding it, they went flying into the kitchen table, your fear getting the best of you as they touched your cheek. Safe to say they didn’t come anywhere near you after that. You made a conscious effort to avoid touch, or any sort of attachment for that matter. The community service team somehow wormed their way into your heart, after you’d spent months avoiding as many people as possible. One member in particular had your heart, but you wouldn’t let them get too close. Your worst fear was hurting anyone else you loved, you’d lost enough people because of this power, you wouldn’t lose any more. 

Only Rudy knew what your power really was. Rudy made the mistake of touching your bare arm when you were deeply upset and you accidentally sent him flying into the mirrors in the community centre’s locker room. You had to hide it, which meant suppressing your true feelings about everything. Your anger, sadness, anxiety, joy, happiness. You always hid it, the happier emotions tended to slip away but the negative ones continued to boil and bubble. You very rarely let go and released them.

Rudy shuffled up closer, accidentally brushing his arm against your bare forearm as he did so, making him shudder. 

“You need to deal with all that at some point. Can’t keep bubbling it up, it’ll hurt that beautiful noggin of yours.” Rudy whispered, he always had a way with words, but this was sweet. He did truly care about you. He hated seeing you hurting in any way. 

“I’ll be fine Rudy, I promise. I don’t wanna talk about it,” You tried to keep your voice level, but you struggled when you noticed Abbey staring at a guy at the bar. You didn’t want to assume because that was never fair, but she’d never spoken about women in any way that made you think she’d like them. Her eyes travelled down his entire body, taking in his figure. You felt sick to your stomach. Why did you always fall for people who would never like you back?

The drinks hitting the table pulled you away from your thoughts, Finn sitting on the other side of you. He grimaced at your facial expression before pushing a beer in front of you. 

“What’s got you all miserable?” Finn asked, just as Abbey left the table, approaching the man at the bar. 

“Oh. That.” Finn remarked as he took a swig from his beer.

“I don’t get why you like her so much.” Jess commented, they never really got along, but that was not your business. 

“Jess, it’s true love! You can’t deny something like true love. It’s sacrilege… or at least it’s illegal.” Rudy explained, saving you from having to explain your feelings. Rudy turned to face you and winked not-so-subtly. Jess rolled her eyes. Abbey disappeared with the bloke at the bar, making your stomach tighten once more. 

“It’s alright babe,” Rudy tried to comfort you but it was no use. You’d have to accept she was never going to like you. You didn’t see her for most of the night, sitting in the same spot as everyone moved around, mingling with other people, maybe even leaving with them like Abbey had. You didn’t have the energy to mingle with people, holding all your anger and sadness was starting to become unbearable. 

“Now, what’s a pretty thing like you sitting here all alone?” A tall man approached your table, his smile slightly sinister as he took a seat without asking. 

“I’m here with friends.” You replied swiftly, not wanting to entertain him. 

“Well, I don’t see them. I think they left you, sweetheart.” His tone was condescending, giving a little smirk in your direction. You looked around for anyone in your group when your eyes landed on Rudy, who was still here and, for once, not flirting with a girl. 

“Rudy!” You called, grateful he was still here. He glided over, sliding in next to you before elbowing your side gently. 

“You alright, cherub?” He was drunk, you could tell. He only got more inventive with nicknames after a few. 

“Who’s this cheeky chappie?” He leaned forward, extending his hand to shake the man’s.

“Jake. And you are?” He looked annoyed and you smirked internally. 

“I am Rudy. The great and incredible Rudy. Here to offer and provide my services.” He shook Jake’s hand vigorously until he pulled his hand away forcefully. 

“Man’s got some grip!” Rudy exclaimed before laughing wildly. You noticed out of the corner of your eye, Abbey had returned to the bar but you didn’t spare her a proper glance as she walked right past the table and over to where Jess was chatting to Alex. 

“I’m gonna get a drink.” You blurted out, interrupting whatever story Rudy was telling Jake. Jake stood immediately, offering to get you a drink. You declined politely, not wanting him anywhere near you. You squeezed past Rudy and walked over to the bar, leaning against it when Abbey noticed you. She approached you warily, her clothed arm touching your bare one slightly. You yanked your arm away, making her sigh in annoyance. 

“Who shoved a stick up your arse today then, huh?” Abbey remarked, rolling her eyes when you scoffed. 

“I don’t have a stick up my arse, thank you very much.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at her, feeling your stomach doing flips at an alarming speed. 

“You’ve been giving me dirty looks all evening, you barely spoke to me during community service today, you don’t seem to be paying attention to me unless I’m with a guy. Not to mention you’ve barely touched any of your drinks. Rudy’s been drinking them all according to Jess. Babe, you know you can talk to me, right?” Abbey tried her best at sounding sincere but it came off as condescending. 

“I’m alright, thanks for the offer though, babe. “ Your anger began radiating off of you at an alarming level. You had to leave. You pushed past Abbey and out of the bar, feeling the cold air hit your bare arms and face, your skin immediately reacting. You rounded the corner down the alley to catch your breath. You heard the bar door open and close, praying it wasn’t Abbey. 

“Hey, I saw you leave… Are you okay?” It was Jake. He approached you, boxing you in against the wall of the bar. One of his hands braced the wall next to your head, the other almost touching your face. 

“I-I Yeah. I just- I just need some space. Please.” You tried to remain calm but he was too close for comfort. You could feel his hot breath against your cheek as you tried to pull yourself away but he had you trapped.

“I think you owe me an apology. You weren’t very nice to me back there, you’ve been eyeing me all night, you can’t deny.” He pressed you up against the wall with his body, his thigh sliding itself between your legs. You squirmed, trying to push him off of you but you had no strength against him. You hadn’t even seen him before he sat down, you didn’t want to chat or get to know anyone. 

“Stop. Stop! Get off me!” He just pushed you into the wall harder, feeling the brick wall’s harsh surface against your back. 

“I don’t think so.” His hand found your hair and pulled harshly, exposing your throat for him to bite and kiss roughly. You wanted to scream, to cry, to do something but you knew you’d risk losing control if you did. As his lips touched your skin you could feel his anger, his resentment towards your unofficial rejection. His desire to overpower you. It made you want to vomit. His thigh began moving between your legs, creating unwanted friction. 

“I can feel how desperate you are, god you are pathetic. Such a pathetic little whore.” He slammed his thigh against your core painfully, making you whimper. The hand bracing the wall moved down your body, moving towards the hem of your jeans. As his hands moved to undo the button, you could hear the bar door open. 

“Keep quiet.” He whispered against your cheek. He attempted to kiss you but you pulled your head away violently. His hand wrapped around your throat and squeezed, making you cough. 

Someone began to walk round, recognising the sound of Abbey’s boots, you prayed she’d find you. 

“Babe, can we talk? I think we…” As she walked round the corner, her eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared. She was furious, and you hoped it wasn’t aimed at you.

“What the fuck?” She glared at you incredulously. 

“Ab-Abbey please. Pl-please-” He squeezed tighter, making her wheeze painfully. 

“I thought you were different. I really did.” Abbey continued to berate you, approaching you slowly. 

“Turns out you’re a whore like the rest of us.” Abbey’s eyes held a glimmer of heartbreak, of sadness and you couldn’t hold it in. You screamed in pain when he began to touch you, the raw power of your emotions sending him flying across the pavement, landing on the floor with a painful thump. You fell to your knees as your screams died down, collapsing down into the pavement and letting the darkness take over momentarily.

You felt blinding hot pain sear through your body as you regained consciousness, making you writhe in pain as you returned to your own body. Your breathing was rapid and uneven, your eyes were clamped shut. You just exploded in front of Abbey. God, you could’ve hurt her, killed her even! Your pain was the least of your worries at that moment. You could hear grunting and groaning, someone yelling but it was distant. The blinding pain began to slowly subside, allowing you to refocus on what was going on. You slowly opened your eyes, feeling Rudy’s hand against your hair as he smiled at you. 

“Abbey! She’s awake.” He called out, you tried to speak but no sounds came out apart from quiet squeaks. Abbey rushed over, the panic in her eyes evident as she came into view. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry that I said those things to you but you needed to blow and it was the only way I could get you to react, I’m sorry.” Abbey’s hand caressed your hair softly. 

“It’s okay,” You croaked. You sat up slowly, Abbey’s hands immediately moving to guide you upwards.

“He’s only unconscious, he should be okay. You’re lucky there’s CCTV here. They can see everything.” Rudy pointed out and you nodded. You didn’t really care about CCTV at that moment. You couldn’t stop staring at where that man’s body laid unconscious. You nearly killed Abbey. You hadn’t noticed Abbey’s hand moving to hold yours, allowing her to feel what you were feeling, to know every detail of your emotions. She gasped at the intensity of everything but shared it with you, feeling your shoulders get lighter as her other hand moved to stroke your hair.

“Hey, hey… Look at me.” Abbey’s voice was calm, gentle as your eyes shifted from the unconscious body to Abbey’s familiar blueish-grey eyes. 

“I’m here, babe. I’m here.” Abbey made an effort to block your vision of where he laid as Jess and Finn walked out of the bar. 

“Oh fuck.” Jess’ voice was loud and brash as she observed the scene and Abbey turned to give her a disapproving look. 

“So she’s the only one out of all of us who has a power actually worth having? Fuck, that’s so annoying.” Jess walked towards the unconscious man and laughed, kicking his leg to see if he’d wake up. 

“Jess, shut the fuck up.” Abbey snapped.

“Yeah, Jess. Girls just been through the worst and you wanna mock her? Bit insensitive, that!” Rudy and Jess began to bicker as Abbey turned to look back at you, seeing tears gathering in your eyes. You looked down, noticing her hand which was holding yours had bloodied knuckles, the skin slowly turning purple with bruises. You couldn’t stop your tears from falling and noticed one landing on her bruised skin. The hand caressing your hair moved to wrap around your shoulders, pulling you into Abbey’s body tightly as you began to cry. You wrapped your arms around Abbey, pulling your hand out of Abbey’s to cling to her tightly. Abbey gently shushed your muffled cries as you buried your face in her chest. 

“I’ve got you, baby. I’m not going anywhere, it’s alright.” You could feel her lips press against your head, featherlight as she held you close. Jess, Finn and Rudy continued to bicker, but Abbey was more worried about getting you out of here. 

It was too loud for you, their arguing was hurting your head and making you cry more. Abbey could feel it, she could feel how tense and upset you were, your distress building up in her body. She was unsure how much she would feel, if it was only fragments or if it was wholly transmitted through your touch. She wouldn’t ask now, it wasn’t the right time. 

“Will you let me take you home, baby?” Abbey asked, feeling you nod against her chest as one of your ears settled against her chest. 

“I’m going to cover your ears. Need to tell these knobheads to shut up.” You nodded once more as her hand moved to cover your other ear. Their arguing muffled, her warm hand cupping the ear not pressed against her chest. You squeezed your eyes tightly as Abbey began yelling at the other three, but remembered you were safe in her arms. 

“OI! Would you lot shut the fuck up? Your arguing isn't helping her and you’re making her feel worse,” they all fell silent, noticing you shaking in Abbey’s arms and Abbey’s own angry demeanour, “I’m going to take her home and make sure she’s okay.”

You felt her hand come away from your ear as she removed herself from you. You couldn’t stop yourself from whimpering slightly at her pulling away but she was quick to stand, offering you a hand to pull you up. As you stood, your legs were shaky but Abbey was quick to wrap an arm around your waist. Her lips found your temple as the others mumbled half hearted apologies towards you (apart from Rudy, who was genuinely sorry and worried about you).

Abbey began walking away with you close by when Rudy rushed up behind them. 

“Uh… Could you, like, let me know when you get back safe please? And Abbey, don’t leave her alone tonight, yeah? She’s gonna need someone there for her and I think you’re the best one to be there,” Rudy tried to be sincere but missed the mark.

“I will, Rudy, don’t worry. I think I need to have a chat with her when we get back anyway.” Abbey smiled at you sweetly but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at her. She was probably going to reject you once you got back to your flat. Rudy handed Abbey your small bag too, making sure all your belongings were there before you both set off. 

Abbey was gentle the entire walk back, her hand on your waist distracting you from any other thoughts trying to permeate your brain. It was soft but firm, her thumb stroking softly. Your flat was a 15 minute walk away from the bar you all frequented, but it felt like 2 seconds with Abbey. The moment you entered your home she let go of your waist, turning on lights and helping you remove your shoes by the doorway before removing her own. Your apartment was small. The kitchen and living room combined in one space, with a small bathroom and slightly bigger bedroom. It wasn't amazing, but it was home. Abbey admired the decorations as she guided you to your sofa, smiling at how it already felt like home to her. It felt so perfectly and completely you, it felt safe to her.  

“Can I make you some tea or something?” You asked her, trying to be a good host. As Abbey sat you down, she exhaled a laugh. 

“Sweetheart, don’t you worry about me. I’ll make us some tea, yeah?” Abbey’s hand cupped your cheek, pressing a soft kiss against your skin before walking to the kitchen. 

She felt electrified when her lips touched your bare skin. It was warm, soft, and full of deep love. Love you’d hidden from her for far too long. As she made tea, she watched your nervous form on the sofa, noticing your foot tapping continuously against the floor. Abbey felt guilty, knowing she was mostly the cause of your distress. She’d pushed you away and messed with your feelings, being so overly affectionate and caring but never taking it any further than holding you. She never considered how that would mess with you or your feelings, but she’d never felt this way about anyone. This was all entirely new. 

As she brought both your drinks back to the sofa, she realised how much her hand hurt from the punches she gave that guy. Glancing down as she settled your cups onto your coffee table, she saw how bruised her knuckles were. You couldn’t help but notice too. 

“Your-your hands… you need to ice them. I think I’ve got-” Before Abbey could stop you, you’d rushed into the kitchen to find something in your freezer. You quickly grabbed a random bag of frozen vegetables from a drawer, wrapping it in the tea towel you had discarded by the sink this morning and returned to sit next to Abbey. You placed it on top of her bruised knuckles gently, feeling guilty when she grimaced at the initial contact. 

“I never did thank you,” You began, avoiding eye contact with her choosing instead to stare at her hands. 

“For what?” Abbey was genuinely confused, what were you thanking her for? Beating the everloving crap out of the man who tried to hurt you? You didn’t need to thank Abbey for that, she would’ve done that for you in a heartbeat, no matter who it was. No one hurts you and gets away with it.

“For- for helping me. And getting me to explode at him, I-I don’t want to think about what might’ve happened had you not-” Her free hand moved to cup your cheek, her thumb stroking softly. 

“Let’s not think about that, you’re here with me. You’re safe, no one’s gonna hurt you like that ever again.” Abbey tilted your head up to look at her, your eyes darting down to her lips then back up to her eyes.

“I- I know you know. How I feel, I mean.” You needed to tell her it was okay if she didn’t want to be with you. It would hurt like hell but you would manage. 

“Babe-”

“No, Abbey. It’s okay. I know you felt it… I did too. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be with me or like me in that way. Just because you know how I feel doesn’t mean you have to… y’know.” You hated this, her knowing but not feeling the same way. It stung more than you thought it would and you weren’t sure you could handle it. 

“It doesn’t matter. None of it does, I don’t wanna be a burden or hold you back from being with the person you wanna be with. I’ll move on, I know I will with time. You don’t need to worry about me, you can find someone else. We don’t have to be around each other either, if it’ll make things eas-” Abbey’s lips captured your own, not wanting to hear anything else. You made a conscious effort not to touch her anywhere else, scared of overwhelming her with your emotions, but when her other hand drifted up your loose top to caress your back, your hands reached for her immediately. The frozen vegetables fell to the floor as your hands held her waist, trying your hardest to keep your emotions in line when Abbey pulled away, a few inches from your lips and whispered against them.

“Let go, baby. Let it all go,” She encouraged as she kissed you slowly, deeply, and you couldn’t help but let your emotions go. You let them wash over you and pass gently through Abbey, before they dispersed into the air. It was the first time you felt like you were in control. Abbey felt your overwhelming emotions gradually fade into something more manageable, something you could control. The hand cupping your cheek moved to take one of your hands on her waist, your lips moving in sync with each other as her tongue gently explored your mouth. Your stomach was full of butterflies, fluttering around as her mouth slowed down and moved back to more tender kisses. 

“No, baby. I don’t want anyone else,” she said between kisses, “I don’t want to move on, I don’t want to see you with anyone else. I didn’t know what to do… I’d never felt this way about anyone and I was scared. Scared of getting hurt but terrified of hurting you.” Abbey confessed. You struggled to believe her, but when her hand squeezed yours tighter you could feel it. Abbey was telling the truth. Her nose brushed yours gently as she stole another kiss. 

“Seems I’ve already done that though, haven’t I?” Abbey asked, melancholic with her tone. 

“No, no Abbey. You didn’t hurt me, I should've been honest with you. I just wasn’t sure how to tell you… or if you even liked girls.”

Abbey pulled away a little further than before and you yearned for that close contact with her once more.

“I think I did more to hurt myself but I’m glad you know. I’m assuming you feel the same way too?” Your voice betrayed you as it quivered slightly, but Abbey once again reassured you with a small kiss. 

“I never felt right with guys and not just the sex, it was everything. There was never a connection. With you, everything feels right, there’s no confusion, no doubt, no questioning it. I thought about it on the walk back, how I never felt right without you by my side at the bar, how I always felt comfortable talking to you about anything and everything at community service. I know Laura didn’t want me around but it didn’t always feel right, but you do.”

You felt more tears spring to your eyes. Abbey was so excited when Laura came around. When she found out she was her imaginary friend brought to life, she felt like she knew why she existed, she finally knew her purpose. But when Laura began to feel uncomfortable and rejected her , Abbey couldn’t understand what had happened or what she’d done wrong. Laura had created her so surely she was meant to be with her, but when Laura turned her down it made her question her existence altogether. Why was she here if she wasn’t meant to make Laura happy? Why did she exist if that wasn’t what she was made for? It hurt her more than she cared to admit and found herself asking these questions every day.  Then you fell into her life. Everything made sense again. She didn’t want to let herself get hurt again but, more importantly, she didn’t want to hurt you.

“You’re the one for me, babe.” Abbey smiled, pressing one more kiss to your lips. You smiled in response but failed to stifle a yawn in the process.

“I think you need to get some rest baby, c’mon.” Abbey stood, pulling you up with her. You immediately crashed into her body, hugging her tightly as Abbey reciprocated. 

“You’ll stay with me… right?” You asked, worried she’d leave you alone.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” She pressed a kiss to your hair before guiding you to your bedroom. 

The room was painted soft green, your bedsheets matching with a few decorative pillows and one or two squishmallows sat on top. It was clearly lived in, some clothes strewn on the floor, jewellery sat on top of a dresser covered in different products. Your bedside table was messy, a water bottle sat next to the lamp and a pile of 3 or 4 books were propped up by a fake flower pot. 

“I’m sorry it’s such a mess right now,” Your face flushed as you realised you’d left your clothes in a heap on the floor after your rushed shower this morning, including your underwear. 

“It’s alright, don’t worry. Let’s get into bed,” Abbey helped you shimmy out of your jeans and into your pyjama shorts, turning away as you removed your top and bra to put your sleep shirt on. Abbey then guided you to your bed, lifting the comforter up and watching you slide into your bed. Before Abbey could move away, you looked back up at her with those pleading eyes and she couldn’t resist. 

“Can I borrow a shirt to sleep in?” You nodded, pointing at one of the draws on your dresser. She grabbed the first one, changing into your oversized plain black shirt. She was so beautiful and you blushed when she removed her jeans, her slender, toned legs were gorgeous. She left her underwear on before turning to face you, crawling up the bed before settling next to you. You wrapped yourself around her, feeling her featherlight lips leave kisses along your neck and jaw. 

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” She whispered against your cheek, kissing your soft skin. As you cuddled her, you felt safe. Her scent was soft like vanilla and slightly almondy, bringing you more comfort as you settled in to sleep. Once Abbey saw your eyes gently shut, she pressed one more kiss to your temple, her lips ghosting your skin as she spoke one last sentence before you drifted.

“I love you. I’m glad I exist.”

[wroteclassicaly]

🖤 ANNOUNCEMENT 🖤

And yes, this is being called an announcement, & I’m using big font (because it’s important, lmao)…

After the events that transpired a few days ago, I had a lot of time to think about sticking around and everything that’s been going on. There’s a lot of crap that’s been following a lot of us for too long, shit that is mundane in comparison to what we are all dealing with in our real lives. I’m thirty years old, almost turning thirty-one. I don’t have time to act like an ignorant moron and send hate to anyone, let alone people that I admire and care deeply for. So there’s a few things I want to discuss here, and then I’m dropping this topic entirely, because drama and accusations are not worth my time or my mental health.

Let’s start with what’s been going on.

Someone has been sending anon hate (obviously), but it’s with my name attached. I have had several people tell me that they’ve gotten anons saying I am the person that’s spreading this hate around. And there’s been other anons that believe I have and have sent their fair share of accusations in as well. I’ve gotten unfairly blocked, I’ve been unfollowed and ghosted. And I shouldn’t have to continuously be made to feel the way I have felt over garbage lies, especially when I have done nothing but dedicate time to try and lift others up in a community that’s treated us all like dog shit!

If I was the type of person to act like this, then I would not have a fucking masterlist link to every single writer in this fandom, whose work that I love — linked to my own personal masterlist or blog navigation. I wouldn’t do these spotlights weekly. And I wouldn’t consistently encourage and hype people up if I secretly wanted them to fail or I hated them. How much sense does that make?

Despite what people might believe, I have never once sent anon hate in my life, because I know what that does to a person’s health. I’m a big believer in backing what I say on my blog, which is why you will/have consistently see(n) me discussing reblogging issues, feedback, etc. I’ve always stood up for what I believe in, and I know I have a big mouth. I’ve never denied it, and my name has always been attached to my opinions. But I’m not the only one who feels this way about certain things.

What I mean by that, is that whoever this person is that is sending the hate, doesn’t have the courage to say it. And they’re being cruel in how they’re treating authors who have worked hard to establish their platform. And that’s someone that I am not. I’m not going to publicly complain about similar issues and then go on anon about shit, like… really?? Lol.

I say what I mean. And I say it with my name and my face attached. It’s always been that way and it will stay that way. I’ll never stop speaking up or out, and I’ll never quit defending people!!!!

I don’t know who has said shit about me, I don’t know who this anon is, but I do know a few things. So… here we go.

— I will be utilizing the unfollow & block features for my own safety. If I use them then I have reasons that I do not need to, and will not explain.

— If you have any issues with me, or someone is telling you shit, or you get accusatory anons with my name attached - talk to me! Because I guarantee that they’re wrong.

— If you don’t like me, if you believe whatever you hear, let’s not pretend. Unfollow me, because I don’t want, nor need that kind of shit.

— Come to my DM’s and talk to me like an adult. Don’t let things fester. Don’t believe a bunch of fucking garbage. We’re all adults and this is ridiculous. (This goes for these anons. Say it with your voice, don’t fucking hide!)

I’m kind to everyone I come across, and I let people walk on me to the point that it destroys how I’m beginning to see myself. I know I rant, I know I’m negative a lot, that I’m dramatic. But I’m a genuinely good person, and I respect everyone, I try to be there for everyone, and I try to support everyone! If we are friends — I’ve got your back! Even if we aren’t close, I’m still here for you!

I let my good heart get stepped on and fucked over in my last fandom, and I let it take the joy I got from writing here. I’m not doing it again, not when Eddie Munson is my safe space! I refuse to let anyone push me away from this fandom or my blog, not again! I love this community (most of the time), and I admire so many of you, and I have also made the most amazing connections! I’ve never written so much for a character as I have for Eddie, now also for Steve!

Whatever is going on is fucking with a lot of us. It’s not fair and it’s not worth it. So let’s support and be kind to one another, and really think before we accuse/believe bullshit lies on innocent people, yeah?

Much love ❤️🖤♥️❤️

And also, a special shout-out to everyone that has checked in with me and shown support over the last few days! Shit, even the entirety that I’ve been here! I love y’all! 🥹💯

New Note -regarding in general-

A reminder to NOT believe everything you hear without context, based on blind or falsified ‘proofs’! A lot of shady shit has been happening to me and a lot of my friends lately, so please come to me before trying to villainize me or anyone else!!!!

Save the drama for your mama! It has no place here! ;)

[incesthemes]

final thoughts: supernatural season 12

i've been nursing a terrible headache all day and so i freely admit my opinions of this season may be negatively influenced by this. maybe tomorrow i'll wake up and realize it wasn't actually that bad and the real enemy was my brain all along. such is life.

i'll say upfront that i liked this season much, much more than season 11. not hard to do and the bar is in hell, but i think it's a good perspective for me to keep in mind while i write this. let's go.

i'm going to talk about mary first. i really like what she brought to the table. she created such natural conflict just by existing, and that's damn good writing. she was handled with so much nuance and care, and i'm extremely pleased by this because i pretty much hate everything else in this season, and actually i'm surprised with how well they handled mary compared to how poorly they handled everything else. that's just bizarre. pick a struggle guys you're hurting my brain.

but no, i love how she's developed as her own person, and how she gets to go off on her own and leave her kids and how that has major consequences but she's still not painted as a bad or neglectful mother for doing that. in fact she's not relegated to the flattened role of "mother" at all, and that's genuinely something special for this show, since it tends to keep their side characters to reductive caricatures that best suit their purposes. that would have been a really easy trap for the writers to step into, since that's the role she's had for the entire show up to now, the ghost of a mother haunting the narrative. she had very little character outside of that (except for her kickass part in 4.03, have i ever mentioned how much i love in the beginning? fuck man). but still the writers let her transcend that role and become something far more complex. i really love that :)

an aside: all of the winchesters, actually, get this incredibly nuanced treatment that hardly any of the other characters do. i like how much care and attention are put into crafting this fucked-up little family. it's definitely one of my favorite dynamics in fiction, probably ever. every one of the winchesters has so many layers to peel back and explore, such complex identities, and contradictory, human personalities. i love what connects them and drives them apart and how that's so often the same thing. they're really great characters who fit into their roles well, never too over- or underused. the family is very well done.

anyway back to season 12. i've been holding this in all day but now i'm finally going to complain about the british men of letters. because i'm sorry but they're kind of stupid 😭 and by that i mean their operation makes very little sense, and the rapid developments of their plan are so unattainable and nonsensical. you're going to wipe out every single american hunter? with your little team of 10 people? and to what end? i get they want to exert control, but first of all, this is missing the whole entire point of (american-style) hunting, from a doylian AND watsonian perspective:

hunting thus far has been presented as a deeply traumatic, solitary life decision individuals have made after experiencing a tragic loss or otherwise had a life-changing encounter with the supernatural. they're not recruited, they have very little support, they have an old-fashioned, underdeveloped communications network, and again: they're solitary creatures. they make their own decisions, play by their own rules, hunt their own game. it's suggested that most or a majority of hunters seem to go after exclusively the supernatural entity that got them into hunting in the first place, and only the more prolific hunters have a wide range of skillsets.

this isn't something that can be controlled. and by that i mean, wiping out every hunter isn't going to stop hunters from existing. because as long as there are monsters, people will continue to be traumatized, and people will continue to hunt. even if you wipe out an entire generation, you can't stop a random individual from having her family eaten by werewolves and deciding to hunt werewolves down from now on. no matter what the BMoL try, this is an impossible thing to control, and it's stupid to try. again, from both a watsonian and doylian perspective.

the actual motives and objectives of the BMoL are so all over the place and messy that it's really difficult to follow throughout the season, too. first you're going to torture sam for information—all the while bragging about how much intel you have access to and how much you know about the winchesters. if you know sam so well, why don't you know any other hunters, huh? why do you need him to tell you? but i digress. then you're trying to recruit hunters to work for the men of letters, and it's all friendly and inviting and organized. then you're going to exterminate all the hunters because they don't want to listen to a foreign organization no one's ever even heard of and has only been in the states for like 5 months? they're portrayed as nothing better than petulant children who can't stand that the girl on the playground wouldn't give them her dolly.

and honestly that would be fine, in isolation, i guess, if the whole portrayal of the UK didn't weird me out on so many levels. i don't know what goes on in the UK, and also i didn't read harry potter, but the whole "secret magic school" and "secret magic society" thing feels so reductive and bland. like okay you have a real-world hogwarts. sure. can you at least try to be more creative about this. i was fine with the men of letters existing outside of the US, that's to be expected and i was actually excited to see what would come of that. but as soon as they put in a fucking magic school they lost me.

like first of all, why is the UK soooooo developed in this area where the US lags behind? are other countries following the UK's example? is europe equally monster-free? is the US the last haven for monsters??? and if the BMoL are so advanced, where the hell have they been for ummmm (bad at math) what, 60-ish years now? they just let the US chapter die and cut off communications? no attempt to support the country whatsoever? leave the US to rot? until just now, after some random americans kicked off 2.5 apocalypses. yeah sure. i can get behind that (heavy sarcasm). it's just—be realistic. if you're going to make such an advanced and all-powerful organization, where the fuck have they been all this time? the scale should match the presence.

my ideal for the BMoL would have been a much smaller scale organization that utilizes black and white ideology to train killers, preferably infiltrating judicial organizations to maintain peace and provide cover for hunters. they shouldn't be like. running the fucking government or whatever this all-encompassing scale is that the show presented. it was a cool and interesting idea to bring in the men of letters. it was not a cool and interesting execution. it barely holds up to any scrutiny and requires so much handwaving and excuse-making that i just cannot get myself to like it at all.

ok. rant over. i've already mentioned all of the other plotty things that annoyed me about this season in other posts, so i'll move on from my complaining.

i'm going back to mary because i love mary. what i like is how sam's relationship to mary throughout his life is, in a big way, paralleled with sam's relationship to mary after her resurrection. he never gets to confront her abut what she did to him and what she caused. the only person who ever gets to talk about this is dean, both in 12.14 and in 12.23. and maybe other people disagree with this choice, but i really like it. i like the distance between sam and mary, because that's who they are to each other. they never got a chance to know each other, but they are the impetus for each other's suffering. sam never got to know his mom except through dean, who acted as a medium to impart acceptable knowledge to his brother. mary never got to know her son at all. and when she comes back to life, this dynamic, this chasmic distance, remains between them. and dean is caught in the middle of them, just like he's always been throughout his entire life. i think by making mary's presence in season 12 so dean-centric, the show managed to highlight just how wide that chasm is between her and sam. sam doesn't get to speak up for himself or talk about his past or tell mary anything about himself or who he is. dean tells her for him. just like mary never got to tell sam anything about herself; dean told him for her. the dynamic persists, and dean remains caught in the middle, ever sam's protector and shield and greatest advocate.

sam was actually pretty damn wonderful this season. i'm clinging onto sam's character arc to distract from my angry disappointment with the british men of letters. the transition and development from mid-season 11 to 12.23 was awesome and well-paced, which is frankly something i didn't know the show knew how to do anymore. so i'm extremely happy with how subtle and natural the buildup was, especially for a show that doesn't have the word "subtle" in its dictionary. i don't think i have nearly any complaints about how sam was handled this season honestly. maybe some nitpicks, but no serious complaints. he was just great. he reclaimed agency and willpower for himself in a really unique way that didn't compromise his enmeshment with dean (and thus didn't backtrack on any of the previous toxic relationship developments that have happened, like i'd feared would happen), and he grew in a very positive and interesting way that i really enjoyed. go sammy :)

the whole apocalypse world ending in 12.23 was way too drawn out and overdramatic, also i still hate lucifer's rewritten character, also i think it was deeply unnecessary to lock mary in there with him, also why was cas even there at all he did Literally Nothing and then died immediately, also why did it take so long for the portal to close after crowley died, that's so unbelievably contrived and stupid as hell—

BUT. otherwise i liked the finale. if i ignore the whole apocalypse world thing it was great, even. big win for me since i did not like season 11's finale (big shocker). i'm really tickled that sam was the one to find jack; i think that will create some interesting developments in season 13 so i'm looking forward to that. i hope jack imprints on sam like a duck. based on posts i've seen floating around tumblr, that's more or less what happens so i'm excited about that lmao.

anyway. this was the longest 4.5 days of my life. i'm going to detox like hell after this, because lord knows i need it. i haven't decided what i'll watch, so it might be more movies or maybe a miniseries. who knows. but i desperately need to funnel some wincest fanfiction directly into my mouth now. something to cleanse me of this season. thank you and god bless 🙏