#and people saying stuff like this is starting to frustrate me bc I've been thinking about this all week

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

"If you had a happy childhood of course you don't find the movie scary and find it rather boring. "

"if you didn't experience abuse it isn't scary for you"

these takes are driving me bonkers I had a perfectly normal childhood with no abuse or trauma and that movie scared the pants off me. I have a thing about audio/visual distortion. also liminality. also I liked to stay up way too late as a kid. also everything scared me as a kid because I have a very anxious personality. not trauma just like... I definitely felt Unsettled in a place that still dissonantly felt Safe as a kid and it wasn't due to any trauma or neglect or abuse. I had a good childhood and Skinamarink still terrified me.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WBITA if i told my mom to stop watching kdramas and get off the internet.

I [20F] have been increasingly frustrated with my mother [44F] for a very stupid and hypocritical reason. We're pretty close, with her mostly raising me on my own and all that, but we're very different people and often clash on a lot of things. Despite that, I like hanging out with her and telling her about stuff and vice versa. She also works from home, so we're around each other very often since I don't work rn.

The problem is that for the last month or so she's gotten very into kdramas and youtube summaries of manhwas and all that. I am not trying nor claiming to be a mental healthcare professional, but I am 99% sure she has some type of undiaognosed autism (like once she told me that for most of her life she didnt how to show or feel emotion and she would copy other people arround her and we had an argument about how that is Not The Common Human Experience. Among other things she's a neat freak, blunt, has told me before that she has very bad intrusive thoughts and so on) . This is relevant bc another one of her quirks is that she can become obsessive with something Very Easily. She cannot help herself from bingwatching shows, speedreading through books, She Has To Finish A Task Before Anything Else In This One Specific Order. This is serious, she geniunely gets angry or frustrated about any sort of interruption. Normally this is fine for me to work around, but the reason I am here with this ask is bc it's gotten worse.

Every time I go and try to talk to her, she's got her headphones on, watching a manhwa video (her headphones are bad bc they're work headphones so I can hear what she's listening to). 90% of the time I interrupt her, she does the biggest sigh, fixes me with a dead stare, and acts dimissive. At night, where she would usually hangout in the living room watching idle TV, she now goes straight to her room to watch kdrama's in bed, and her room is where she works from too. The latest development is that she's stopped eating in the livingroom during her work breaks too, which was the one time of day I could hang out with her while she's on the clock. She instead asks me to bring her food to her room and once again, on her personal laptop, watching manhwa summaries.

This, on top of my own personal declining mental health and the fact that sometimes I feel like our roles are reversed (I do any chore she asks me around the house, I cook for the entire house, I am the one sent to do grocery shopping etc while she goes out with her friends) I don't mind this usually, she is my mom, I am unemployed, and she does work a 9 to 5 even if it is from home. But now it stings a lot. The part that makes me think I am the asshole is the fact that the way she is acting right now is the exact same thing she used to scold me on before. "Take off those headphones, stop only hangin out in your room, notice the world around you" and I am still a bit like that. But I feel like I've changed. I finished highschool during the pandemic and quarantine and it fucked me up, not having the strongest friendships irl since I live in a fairly conservative country and I am very outwardly queer and stuff. But I've made an effort to start talking to her, to hang out with her, to help around the house. I was and still half am in the same behavioral pattern she is in right now, but I feel like I've made the effort to not wear headphones so often so I can hear if she calls me, to leave the door to my room open etc. It feels like minor things, ik.

I will also say, while I spend a lot of time online and on my phone/laptop, I do a diversity of things. I draw, I watch youtube videos, I talk and play games with my friends, I read, etc. Things I don't mind pausing. My mom, all she does, is ocasionally scroll through instagram, respond to messages, and watch youtube manhwa summaries. It is all that she does. And she acts like I've come in yelling during one of her meetings every time I interrupt her.

The problem here is, I am afraid that if I bring this up with her, that I will find out the change in behaviour I think I made would be invisible to her and that I would be the biggest hypocrite. And I do not want another yelling match as we have had several in the past on similar subjects, where I think I've changed but she doesn't.

Another one, it seems to make her happy. She laughs, and seems to be geniunely invested. Her new workplace is stressful and the work that she has to do is complicated, and I am glad she's found something to destress her and again. I do the same thing, I hole myself up in my room and spend time alone, why am I now mad at her for doing the exact same thing, right? But she's stopped listening to me. I tell her about things, she dismisses me bc she was in the middle of a video, and then comes calling for me because "Why haven't you done x y z Why is x y z here Why are we missing x y z" despite me having told her. I've suggested to her to watch some longer youtube videos together, which is usually our bonding method, and she'll agree. How that usually went was that I would wait until she called me since its her schedule we work around or that I pop into the living room and her seeing me would remind her. Now, again, she barely leaves her room. She just watches those videos and those shows. Nothing else. Works, sends out the roomba to vaccum every day, either gets her own food or yells for me to do it for her, and thats it. Checks on her plants maybe, does one or two chores that I haven't done. Back to her manhwas.

So , WIBTA if I confronted her about this and told her to stop? It risks another yelling match between us, it is hypocritical of me to do so bc I am the same. I am not gonna pretend I don't also become a hermit and hole myself up in my room. But idk. And it seems to be a geniune interest for her and it makes me happy, even tho in this whole situation I feel abandoned by my mother. Which sounds very stupid and dramatic but. Oh well.

What are these acronyms?

[mystic-myrtille]

I'm in a salt mode so lets get into this

One of the biggest problems people had with the L//S is how poorly developed it's been and how less effort it has been put into it, And don't get me started how Adrichat and Maribug barely interact basically making the ship have 0 chemistry.

But then when ships like Lukanette and Adrigami came along, then there's some Toxic L//S stans who bash the characters (and doxx lukanette and adrigami shippers), with their only excuse being "ThEy R iN tHe Way of adr///ette/L//s (Mainly because they're insecure that Lukanette/Adrigami has Chemistry, proper development and effort and their ship doesn't)

I'm so sick and tired of the hate that Lukanette/Adrigami gets.

I'm so sick and tired of the hate that Luka/Kagami gets.

I'm so sick and tired of toxic L//S stans projecting their ship on every. single. damn. thing

I'm so sick and tired of seeing Lukanette/Adrigami shippers get d0xxed, threatened and bullied just because they don't ship the L//S or Adr//ette

Yikes, people doxxed each other because of ships?? For some reason I'm not entirely surprised. I've seen fandoms with super toxic people and the ml fandom sure can be toxic as hell. If you (general) get so worked up about people's opinions about characters from a kids show, you should be denied access to the internet and instead have access to tons grass to touch. But yeah, even just "normal hate" can be frustrating and discouraging, so it's best to just block those people. I completely understand your frustration.

Luka//nette isn't good because they were half canon, it's good because they have a meaningful bond and the root for drama is always outside circumstances and not the fact that they fundementally don't work together. If Mari wasn't Ladybug, they probably wouldn't have split up. That's why I love this ship so much. Besides, they never got in the way of anything. Realistically, no ship can get in the way of a confirmed endgame ship bc, well, it's endgame. So this argument is kind of falls flat (honestly most arguments against Luka//nette I've heard were either not really important or kind of a very outlandish interpretation of their relationship, I don't care about either.)

Heck, even if Luka//nette wasn't the rival ship but just friends in canon who interacted twice, who cares? Shipping isn't supposed to be serious, it's exploring different dynamics between characters and having fun putting them in different scenarios and have them have 6176310278 different first kisses. There's no rule that you have to be on board with the canon ship.

Now speaking of L//S developement (bc now I'm also in a salty mood and I have thoughts)

I and many others have already talked about how s1-4 didn't really do much with them. But I find it funny when people say that s5 did a great job developing they're relationship because... bitch where? I've watched season 5 (I have no self respect) and everything was confusing and over the place and I think that's bc the writers can't make up their minds about which problems the L//S might face actually matter and how they can be solved.

The season starts with Mari making a big deal about how loving Adrien is dangerous because hero stuff. Oh but actually it doesn’t matter, she likes CN now, problem solved! Oh wait no Chat friendzoned her and Adrien is pushing real hard for Adr//nette so they give up their fucking miraculous (in times of crisis I might add), problem solved! No wait, actually the new heroes suck so they take them back, but that’s okay bc being in love and being a superhero at the same time is actually no longer a problem for some reason! The actual problem is that Mari is incapable of expressing herself because she has trauma. And THAT’S the real shit because fucking everybody gets so invested they organize literal dates for them and watch from a distance until they smooch instead of, oh idk, letting them do things their own way. But actually that also doesn't matter anymore bc Zoe just confessed and Mari was so inspired she immediately ran to Adrien. Oh but Adrien is a senti without free will and he goes to england soon whoopsie. Also Gabriel and Tomoe are now Adri//gami shippers because of course we need an arranged marriage deal type of plot. Oh yeah there's also something about Monarch apparently having all the miraculouses but who cares amirite

See what I mean? There's no structure, no actually overcoming problems, it's just random shit happening without any connection to the previous random shit. The characters don't develop in a meaningful way. Mari's only life goal is making one cohesive sentence in front of Adrien and he's kind of just there. I mean he could maybe feel inspired by Marinette's passion for arts and crafts and try out some stuff or he could continue to have no direction in life. Yes, as a teen it's hard knowing what you want to do later in life, but Adrien doesn't even really have actual hobbies he can define himself through. The writers fail not only to develop the relationship as a whole but also the characters involved as people. They could as easily be a situationship where they meed every two days to make out and it wouldn't change anyting. It's just fan service here and there combined with shallow and forgettable dialogue (I think, there wasn't a conversation that stick with me at least) and idk this maybe works as a first love that maybe lasts for a year before they have a dramatic break up and then move on with their lives, But the show tries to sell this idea that the square will actually stay together forever (or have a constant toxic on-off thing bc that's the vibe I'm getting. Plus Bunnyx sort of implied that).

[raayllum]

25. a piece of advice for taking care of yourself in fandom spaces

I have two pieces of advice basically that loop back into each other honestly.

Don't ultimately care about what anyone else says or thinks

Not caring about or trying to manage what other people think of you or your thoughts ≠ being rude or disrespectful, that doesn't mean it never happen - tone and frustration are absolutely real and I express the latter occasionally,

Other people are gonna ship things you don't or ship the same thing but in a way you don't like or just have opinions that are coming from a fundamentally different perspective or reading of the text and... none of it really matters. You don't have to conform to popular fandom if it doesn't fit what you think (that's basically been me in every fandom But TDP, so it's quite refreshing, and even then I very much felt like a lil island in the immediate s4 aftermath), you can ship whatever you want and so can anyone else. I think the most important thing with this is being self aware, though... like yeah I could hypothetically get annoyed over characters in TDP being childish, but coming-of-age stories are about kids and maturation, so like. I can vent in the proper tags but it may just mean the show isn't ultimately for me, y'know? Or at least that it's something I gotta learn to live with if I wanna engage with the show in a way that balances the salt and the sweetness

Additionally, one of the side effects I've found of being '''popular''' within TDP fandom is that my opinion will be taken as gospel or made out to be more than what it is, which is just my subjective opinion / interpretations, the same as anyone else's. Obviously I think my opinions are Right / grounded in the text (as do many people about their own opinions, whether they align with mine or not), but that doesn't mean everyone else is wrong, like... it's a children's cartoon show, if you're getting regularly butt hurt about what other people think or if they do or don't agree with you or whether ur ideas are popular or not you're not gonna have a good time, and fandom is a hobby. It's supposed to be a good time

Avoid taking things personally at all costs

In a similar vein to "don't care what anyone else thinks/says" that goes double for what they think or say about you / what you think. For me this means that unless I get 1) name dropped or 2) something that is so specific me it couldn't apply to someone else, I assume it's not about me. "Rayllum shippers / stans are so annoying"? Not about me and even if I am annoying - isn't everyone sometimes? Being annoying isn't a death sentence lol. "I hope the fandom takes this well"? Not about me. "People who defend S4 just can't admit TDP has flaws"? Not about me. "Snake boi Callum content is so dumb" is about a tag categorization I started for Callum's characterization, but has since more than taken on a life on its own... and isn't about me.

And even when it is personal, it says a lot more about what frustrates the OP or what they're trying to potentially wrangle than it does about me. Like someone disagrees with me or thinks I'm dumb, specifically? Okay, I know I've thought that about people on occasion, I try not to post it or make it obvious, but I can't control what you do. There were a couple of ZK bnf I thought were horrendously bad at meta that I knew by name bc they were everywhere, and it just meant forming my own atla communities/tags and/or stepping away from the fandom.

On a similar note, I'm still gonna keep doing my thing and I encourage people to block me and/or blacklist tags I use if they don't wanna see my stuff. I know how annoying it can be in fandom to feel like you still see stuff you don't want to if it's everywhere, which is also why I don't put all my stuff in the main tags either, but I'm not going to Stop Posting unless I... want to, which won't be happening.

I guess this all basically amounts to:

Focus on finding your people in fandom, cause they are out there

If you find yourself being annoyed by the fandom every day, or find yourself feeling like you have to rebut every little thing that annoys you (for ex, people saying they don't like Rayllum doesn't bother me, that's a neutral opinion. Ppl saying they shouldn't be in the show feels like more of a theme misread, however) work on stepping away and letting things go

Cultivate being fucking weird and unabashedly enthusiastic with self awareness. If you love a ship or headcanon or plot point that's fucking out there or clearly not happening, fucking go for it! Make or enjoy all the stuff for it you want. That said, maintaining awareness that the story doesn't need to go there in order to be good, or that there's not a lot of plausible grounding in canon, can be important especially if you want to connect with other fans.

Like CHET is my pet theory that has also been wildly fortunate enough to get a life of its own in the TDP / Rayllum fandom(s). I've been prepared to drop it three times. I think more than ever that's where the story is going in S7, and that there's a lot of continued setup for it / Something Like It, but I could be dead wrong, and I'm sure I will love if not prefer whatever route S7 would take instead. I love it, and I have a certain amount of attachment, but the story doesn't owe it to me, similarly to how I'm not owed in fandom to have people Like what I make or make what I like

Like respect should be given for sure unless I make a routine ass of myself, but again, I've been very fortunate that some stuff has caught on as much as it has because it clicked with other people who were already thinking the same thing, or found xyz idea made a lot of sense. And that's really nice! I think it's those things that help build a community. But in fandom you kind of have to be willing to be an Island first, and then if you get stuck being an island permanently, it may be worth reflecting on why sometimes — whether it's because of aggression, shyness, preference, or no real reason except your people haven't shown up yet

[thefirstknife]

Sorry to dump this rant in your inbox but the community’s attitude this entire season has legit got me tilted to the point I ignore pretty much the entire community outside of tumblr and a few irl friends. A lot of it has been frustrations I’ve had since Lightfall dropped wrt acting like the story was dogshit bc it didn’t give all the answers.

I legit got so fed up with Byf’s whole “oh all this season of the deep lore should have been in Lightfall” stuff bc like. My guy. You were one of the biggest complainers about the seasons having zero lore or story relevance. Fucking pick one or the other. Either seasons are all filled bullshit or you’re gonna get cliffhangered and expected to have some damn patience for storylines to get picked back up over time in the seasons after the main campaign of an expansion is done.

Especially bc like. IMO anyone expecting anything not a cliffhanger from the end of Lightfall when we KNEW The Final Shape was coming after it was just setting themselves up for disappointment, you need big tension and shit like that before the final act and this way getting dripfed answers in the lead up feels less like we’re dicking around doing nothing useful for the entire year as we wait for TFS to drop. It legit felt like being a KH fan back when KH3 dropped who had payed attention and played all the games and knew wasn’t the end of the series, just the conclusion of an arc and anyone mad about the stuff left unfinished was being unreasonable when it was made pretty explicitly clear it would either be answered in the future bc this wasn’t the ending or had been answered ages ago and people just hadn’t bothered to pay attention to it. Lightfall was never going to have all the answers bc it wasn’t the ending, and Bungie has proven they’ll circle back around and answer questions and pick up story beats if you’d just have a little patience! I’ll agree it wasn’t done perfectly and could do with more focus on the Veil and less on Strand but come ON my guy!

Combine that with the general toxicity of non-story focused Destiny YouTubers, especially PvP only typesc about Destiny and the way their fans have behaved and I’m full on not watching Destiny content creators anymore. Genuinely never seen content creators who need to touch grass and maybe just. Take a break. I’m not saying Lightfall was perfect or that Bungie hasn’t fucked up but I’m honestly just. Extremely fucking tired of how the community outside of tumblr has reacted to everything. And I’m especially sick of crybaby crucibros being obnoxious. Much as I don’t actually think it’d be at all good for the game there’s a part of me that thinks the idea of them splitting PvP stuff and PvE stuff into separate Destiny games in the future might have some merit to it purely so those of us who just want to explore and enjoy the story in peace can never bother with them again

Go off, honestly. So true. I've felt the same and I've pretty much not watched any Destiny youtube content in months. I started a few of them, but then stopped because of how utterly annoying and just plain wrong they were. The Lightfall situation is such a shitshow, not because of Bungie or the expansion itself, but because I genuinely believe that Destiny is above the reading level of most gamers.

Obviously, I still have some issues with how some stuff was handled, just as you do. Literally nobody is saying that everything in Lightfall was perfect. And I extend that to all expansions btw. Every expansion had faults. None of them are perfect. I think Lightfall's mysterious storytelling could've been a little bit clearer. And make no mistake, Lightfall WAS clear that nobody knows about the Veil, it just wasn't as clear as it could've been. Nothing would've really changed about the mystery if this was made more obvious earlier on in the campaign.

But dear lord, the bullshit around it is so tiring. I get it. I was confused at first too. I even posted here that I found certain things not as good and that they made me a little annoyed! And like that's fine! Your first impressions are your first impressions. But please move on. Are you seriously deciding everything based on first impressions? Do you never look into things and see if maybe there were things you missed or were wrong about? Like, it's okay to be confused at first and then realise later that you missed things. That's how learning works.

And yeah, the whole "everything should've been in Lightfall's campaign right away" is not only annoying because of the stuff you said, it's also annoying because it ignores that there's too much content to fit inside of a single campaign and also that this content has a theme. The campaign is a self-contained story with a theme and a plot (and the plot is NOT "learn what the Veil is." The plot of Lightfall is "stop Calus and the Witness from destroying Neomuna" which has concluded perfectly well in the campaign). Post-campaign stuff, the Witness cutscene and the Veil Logs are all things that don't fit thematically with the high action 80s movie story about protecting a city from destruction. These things were deliberately spread out through the year to give us multiple stories to follow while we wait for TFS. It's a live service game. You're here for the whole year. And it's fine if that's not the storytelling type you like. It's fine! That doesn't mean the story is objectively bad.

But yeah, agreed with what you said. It helps to vent! There's definitely people out there who are in the same situation and who just want to enjoy the game as usual and not having to deal with crybabies who make the whole experience absolutely miserable and make it impossible to engage with anything. Luckily, there's also always people who are still engaging with the game normally. We like the game and we like engaging with the game. And when I stop liking it, I'll just stop engaging with it. I wish other people could do the same.

[tokintormin]

letting out some angry and hurt thoughts on ex

In the light of current events especially, I regret having not called out my ex on their entitled political behavior.

They always talked about America's problems and they behaved like bad things happen only in the US, only pointing out the "good" things in other countries, and acted like they know what happens in other countries (they even spoke about my country to claim that they have it worse.). And that was blatanly all so wrong On their part. Absolute disrespect to me and the place I live in.

I tried to be considerate toward them and showed condolences and sympathy for the struggles their country faces, but all I received was my place being blamed for "having things better". Not to mention that their takes are so ignorant and yet they always acted like they know what they are talking about and others are stupid.

I am also tired of americans who make fun of others when something bad happens in other countries. Using others' tragedy in their self-deprecating jokes. That all is so damn disrespectfull, and I bore with it because I thought I needed to be respectful.

They don't understand how entitled and arrogant and ignorant they are. I saw them say "First time?" when news about a tragedy in russia happened.

A lot of bad things happen where I live, have been for centuries, but we dont have a platform to tell anyone about it, and it's not really our style to speak about it. But just cause countries don't scream about their problems, They genuinely think that it means everything is "good" there. And they genuinely think that bad stuff started to happen only now, and mock and make fun , because they believe that other countries started to suffer only now. Which is so dumb, disrespectful. I wish I could say all I have on my mind, to my ex about how they behaved and the stuff they said. they are so bent on politics they think they are always right.

I also feel some resentment toward how my ex commented on me once "I've always wanted to date a tanned skin girl". Back then I didnt see anything upsetting in it. And maybe I wouldn't, but lookinng back at their entire political attitude, I can't help but feel hurt, upset and resentful.

political americans make me angry. not without reason. For far too many reasons. for how disrespectful and confidently ignorant they are. and no one stops them.

__ They claimed how xxx (asian) they are, and mocked white people. But when they met me, they behaved in a way as though I need to respect them at all times bc they are poc (i wasnt being disrespectful), and assumed hurtful stuff about me.

But when they learnt im asian too, they acted entitled to me.

They were disrespectful to my cultural behavior, calling it toxic and showing frustration immeditely. They jumped and lashed out on me for not being comfortable to share my stuff and for trying to be polite. They Always forgot that i wasnt an english speaker.

They always spoke about being asian (i wont name ethnicity.) and mentioned it every time. But acted like the white people I've met who mocked me irl, refusing to try and understand my point of view. Calling anything I did that was not american or straightforward way "toxic" or "feels bad", and demanded my apology and my "changed behavior".

[siriusblack-the-third]

hellooo with your permission, i am coming back to bother you with the Indian James headcanons 🙏

assuming they're from Maharashtra and they speak Marathi (and Hindi? i'm assuming most families know more than just one language) at home, what would he call his parents? and what would they call him and each other? I've heard "jaan" a lot but I'm not sure how accurate that is and whether that works for Marathi too. are there any other endearment terms they could use? like love, sunshine, darling etc in English.

also i've been wondering if there's any exclamations/expressions etc that can be used within English speech without making it sound unnatural. like in Arabic we say "basmala/mashallah" for good luck or "inshallah" when we hope that something happens etc and it's integrated in English speech very naturally. wondering if there's anything of that sort?

Okay imma go step by step here. In India, especially where I live (Maharashtra yay hehe) it's pretty normal to know like three or more languages. I myself— plus my family— speak Marathi, Hindi, Urdu, Gujarati and Marwadi, and even though we can't speak them we understand Punjabi and Bengali. So you assume correctly that they speak more than one language at home. Especially my family, where we know a bunch of non Indian languages as well, for business purposes.

Assuming James is Maratha, he would call his mother Aai (pronounced Aa-ee) and his father Baba (Mum and Dad). I have this headcanon that when he wants to annoy them he calls them Matoshree and Pitashree lmao (formal terms for Mother and Father in Hindi/Sanskrit).

"Jaan" means "life", and it's pretty accurate even if it's Urdu tbh, a lot of parents call their kids stuff like jaan, hayat (which you already know the meaning of), laadli (darling in Hindi), maajha baal (my baby- Marathi). If you wanted nicknames in Marathi you'll be good to go with bubdi (bubba), laadkaa or laadki (darling in masc and fem), or sonpari (golden fairy, usually for girls) and Sonu (dear, used for children).

Exclamation sounds can be "arey!" (uh-ray) which is "hey!" and "aai ga!" (aa-ee guh) which is like "oh mother!". They're just one word each, but they can be used in like 50 different situations lmao. Arey can be used for calling someone's attention ("arey come here a second will you?"), to express frustration with someone ("areyyy, why are you like this?"), exasperation ("arey yaar!" yaar is slang for friend) and a bajillion other stuff. Aai ga is used as an exclamation mark for when you're surprised, or got hurt, and in place of "oh God!". We don't have specific phrases that mean good luck or inshallah, but Urdu still uses both mashallah and inshallah so you'll be okay i think. But James probably wouldn't use them bc he's not a Muslim yk, and Hindu people usually use the name of the god they're praying on on swearing on, so there's that. We say stuff like "hay bhagwan" ("oh, Vishnu". Bhagwan is one of the innumerable names of the Lord Vishnu). Or "har har Mahadev" ("glory be to Lord Shiva". Maha-dev literally translates to Great God, but it is one of the well known names of the God of Destruction). We do use "arey deva" (oh god) as well. "Jai shree Ram"(hail to the Lord Ram) or "jai shree krishna" or "jai shree ganpati" (ganpati is what most marathi people call Lord Ganesha) is used when we're beginning something and we want to make the start auspicious. The phrases are kind of used as "may this go well and end well" ykwim? This is hard to explain I hope you get what i wanna say lol.

Anyways, this is it, I hope this helps, and you can ask me anything and i will answer. Not always so quickly but I will. Have a good day!

[theroundbartable]

i completely understand what you're talking about with your dad vs your gf's dad. my mom is like your dad and i've lived my whole life on constant damage control to try to avoid getting screamed at and called an idiot. when i first started hanging out with my best friend like 6 years ago now, i was terrified to actually hang out with him in his home bc he lived with his mom and i was just...scared of all moms i guess bc of my own. but i met her and she was wonderful and i remember one of the first nights i was hanging out with them, i bumped into their coffee table and the whole thing just collapsed. i immediately started panicking, saying i would fix it or buy them a new one and holding back tears and she just kinda stopped me and looked at me for a second then gave me a big hug and was like "hey. it's just a table. it's old as shit anyways, it's okay." and we got to talking. turns out she had a mom like mine and she saw that same panic and fear in me and we both cried and hugged and from that day on she was my mom too. me and my friend taped the table leg back together and we've had to fix it a few times since but it's still standing all taped together and shit. and...yeah. it's wild to see how there are parents that are so different from our own.

Thank you for your kind words I hope you're doing better with all that's been going on.

But I also feel kind of guilty now. I feel constantly like being too harsh on my dad. Because I do understand him. Because he's trying very hard to keep our relationship together and he's reflecting and I genuinely believe that when he says he's at fault (even if he's loud about it), he's not trying to be manipulative, he actually means that, he's just frustrated.

I know that my dad was abused as a child by his own dad, even though he doesn't want to acknowledge that to himself. He took care of his dad til the man died and he's never complained while the man was alive nor talked bad about him (that I know of). My dad told me that he tried the entire time while I was young to be a better dad than his, one who doesn't punch us to a pulp in front of our own friends. But there were also times when he didn't know what to do, so he threatened me, beat my younger brother for staying up too late and my second older brother for refusing to eat vegetables and going to church. When he threatened me, I could tell that he felt guilty and let up almost immediately when I started crying. I think my oldest brother was except from all that because he lived in the attic at the time, far away enough to not be affected by it. He also wasn't around for the other stuff that happened outside of my parents' supervision but that's a different story. I just don't think he's as traumatised as the rest of us.

I also blame my mom sometimes because she is a social worker and trained for raising children, so she should have communicated better with him, because she knew what he was doing and let him. (My mom chose to marry my dad because he's her best friend who didn't get jealous when she hung out with other people and she felt safe with him, so it's not like she was afraid of him. They are actually quite wholesome together. They never fought either. When it comes to that, I actually see them as a rolemodel.)

Now that I'm older, I've confronted both of them. On my account, on my brothers account and I'm trying hard to explain to them what their behavior cost me in terms of trust issues and all that kind of stuff. And they are listening.

They are upset sometimes, they sometimes need time to understand it, they are hurt when I keep telling them my childhood was terrible (except for puberty, which is ironic but true because that's when everyone else also got depression and frustration and that made me feel understood.) But they do listen and they do try to respect my needs and they don't hate me or punish me for calling them out. They just thought I'd been happier. And it hurts them to know I wasn't.

That also means I establish boundaries. And when I do, I realize that I sound just as frustrated and resigned as my dad does when they are breached. I told him I don't want comments while I'm cooking because it makes me anxious to cook again, and then he comments about what I could put in the pot and I just freeze and get that defiant monotonous voice and then he leaves the room. I told my dad to call me by my chosen name and he couldn't understand it, so I tried explaining it but he thinks it's stupid. Still, he's trying to call me by that name. He's getting better at it too. Once, I came home while he was on the phone and he told the person on the other end 'Rai is home' and that was the first time in years that I offered him a hug.

What I mean to say is, my dad has a lot of flaws, but he's trying and I feel like I'm making his life so much harder when I complain so much about all the little things. He needs someone to listen to himself and I feel like he doesn't get that at home either.

I am at a point now where I should be letting up a bit and listen in turn, but it's so hard to fight automatic responses. And I understand that that's what my parents are trying to fight too.

It's complicated and messy. But I'm not afraid of my parents. I used to be, but not anymore. Some of my trust issues weren't caused by them, but they did affect our relationship and I'm trying to remedy that.

I just felt like I should also point out their good side because I feel like I'm only venting and showing their bad side here. They are also supportive in their own overly concerned way, and there is a reason why we still eat dinner together as a family.

I don't know what I hope for you. Whether it's that you get away from your problems or that you manage to solve them. I don't know enough about your situation to know what it is you need, but I hope whatever it is, that you have it now.

I also feel a bit guilty for making you say all that and then go and backtrack on what I said about my dad. I apologize for that. I do feel that it isn't quite fair to compare our situations. It's not fair to you, and I don't think it's fair to my dad, and maybe that's exactly what someone would say who's not actually ready to acknowledge they've been abused and maybe it's unfair to say this to someone who merely tried to show compassion and empathy to my situation. I don't know. It's confusing but I don't know.

Thank you again so much for your ask and I hope I didn't blow it all up with this irritating response. 🥲

[charles-leclerc-official]

I was talking to my psych teacher about biases in experiments and the importance of planning procedures around them when I started telling them about what I'd noticed in journalism and stuff and I finally put words to the thoughts I'd been having:

Biases are inherent to people, like people will be biased it's not something we can change, people can make efforts to be objective but I feel that some amount of bias will always seep through, which is fine! But what I find really really annoying is when people claim to be unbiased and then VERY CLEARLY have biases, which again is pretty common if not annoying, but the thing that pisses me off is when these people expect their audiences to believe that their very biased opinions are fact instead of what they actually are

Like I know its a lot to expect from people nowadays to be able to critically process things without letting their personal feelings cloud any information but it's still irritating

Like I myself am biased towards things but I don't pretend my opinions are anything but opinions unless there's factual data to prove my point

I really appreciate your blog because even when your analysis is pretty fucking filled with actual solid data to back you up your still pretty clear that you have preferences, and that's something I rlly respect

I used to have problems bc I used to take everything too seriously and if I saw even one negative thing someone said I'd start spiralling and internalising shit, like the f1 fandom doom posting would have honest to god actually affected my mental health, but I worked and am still working on it and I regret getting into sports a little but I've loved it soo much for so long I'm like ill just cope fuck it

Blogs like yours and brakeboosted and umm ackshually on twt are super lovely and I really appreciate all you guys so much

Anyways sorry for ranting I just have a lot of feelings about this stuff

Hi, yes I completely agree. One of the reasons for the name of this blog is to hold myself accountable for bias, and also to advertise to anyone who comes upon it exactly where my bias lands. My frustration with the clear bias under the guise of objective reporting in F1 is one of the reasons for this blog to begin with. Got very tired of the way Ferrari and Charles were being reported on. But also just to have a source where is bias is clear and people can choose to take it or leave it. If that makes sense.

I can't get rid of bias, it's a sport we all have favorites. What I can do is try to be aware of it as much as possible and be open about that fact. I do go to a lot of trouble to make sure I am being fair, I always look at what the other perspective is, what the other driver and their fans are saying, how they are interpreting things(naturally through their own bias as well)

I like the facts and data because I can't really lie. Especially with the raw data. I can't make Charles look faster if he wasn't faster etc. It helps ground my own opinions as well to see if what I think I saw is actually reflected in data.

Biases are normal to have, and I think it's important and healthy to reflect on them, try to be aware of the ones we have and take it into account when presenting information and sharing perspectives and opinions. I am naturally always going to be inclined to give Charles the benefit of the doubt. I try to see if that is warranted and see what the other side is saying and if they have a point.

And this issue goes beyond F1. Journalists for other areas often have clear bias but try to present themselves as neutral. It's frustrating and isn't helpful. I'm just doing what I want journalists to do, just come out and admit your bias and we can go from there. It's healthier and more informative that way. It's not possible to have a fully objective opinion with no preferences one way or another. So to combat that I try to make my stance clear. Sometimes I think I could do better, so it's an area I am always working on.

Thank you anon, this is a good topic to bring up and a good thing for people to think about when reading reports and the like.

[umemiyan]

Hiii robin! If you're cool with it, I wanted to ask, is there a certain moment with your selfships when you realize you ship with them, or is it a slow process that just kinda happens?

hi romy!!!! ❤️

tbh it kinda depends and i'm not always totally sure LMAO i'm a little all over the place with it. like a lot of the time i have a hard time deciding and i'm trying to create a classification system in my head akfjofijwe tho it probably shouldn't be that deep my brain just loves to cling to systematization and gets frustrated when it can't properly execute it lmfao. but anyways i shall try my best collect my thoughts and describe how i perceive my tendencies!!

i'll put it below the cut bc i always ramble lolol

there are definitely some ships where it was more of a slow progression and i had to eventually be like "yeah okay this is what it is" because it was getting to the point where they weren't going to leave. i could easily envision more in-depth scenarios between them and myself and/or lore that just seemed to naturally spring up and i just kept thinking about them all the time.

i'd say megumi is a good example of the slow-burn. he honestly wasn't the kind of character that heavily struck me when i first watched the anime and started reading the manga; in fact, i recall being like "oh great, another little hateful emo boy" LOL (historically they're not usually the type i'm drawn to). but i got to know his character better over time and realized that like. damn. i have rather intense feelings about this guy adjewoijfwof

toji and jean were a bit more on the "slower" side of development as well i suppose. and not "slow" in the sense it took several months or years or anything (i've only been self-shipping for about a year) but it was something i had to ease into a bit more i guess.

i actually hated toji at first but then the daddy issues kicked into overdrive and i eventually started catching feelings LMFAO and jean was my first self-ship ever. he's the first one where i felt comfortable enough to imagine myself with someone like that <3 i hadn't really truly done anything like that in years, but i loved his character so much that i was starting to actually insert myself in reader stuff rather than completely detaching like i used to. i could see myself with him.

suga, on the other hand, was the kind that hit me like a freight train. maybe it's because i'm more comfortable with self-shipping now, but it was easier for me to realize it and take it to self-ship level pretty quickly. not only was i obsessed with him from pretty much the first fucking moment, but the subsequent relationship daydreams have been insane LOL i mean i gave it a little bit of time because i hate the idea of being overly impulsive and irrational due to infatuation but uh. i fucking love him lmao

katsuki is..... *sigh* idk. he also kind of hit me like a freight train, at least with the daydream scenarios and whatnot, and i was hoping and praying it was just a phase (still kind of am) but i guess i've sort of accepted that it's not. or it's at least a longer-lasting phase than most lol idk. but i can't stop thinking about him and i'd rather just go ahead and call it a self-ship instead of continuing to try and wait it out or deny it. the brainrot is bad

ANYWAYS sorry for being unable to shut the fuck up as per usual lmfao but yeah!!! i tried to give some examples of how this shit works in my mind. right now i guess i'm sort of organizing things by how regularly/consistently i think about a character over time and with what degree of ease i imagine myself with them in several scenarios, but this is by no means the sort of parameters i think everyone should use when it comes to this. people should do whatever the fuck they want i just take shit too seriously sometimes and wish i could be more chill actually instead of trying to create a classification system for everything in my brain 😃 but here we are

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I(26nb) stopped answering my ex (27nb) or asked them to stop messaging me?

They aren't asking to get back together. A while back, my partner dumped me bc we just weren't talking as much, were into different things, and drifted apart. Normal stuff people break up over all the time. They told me there was no hard feelings on their end, and I was the same. It was kind of a bummer but the fact that I wasn't especially upset was evidence the relationship was dead at that point.

At the time, my New Ex™️ asked if I needed space or if it would be okay to check in on me from time to time and make sure I was okay because, even though I said I was fine, they were worried about the effect this would have on my mental health. I'm clinically depressed and they were aware things had gotten pretty drastic years before we even met, but the entire time we knew each other I was stable, and even when I was low I wasn't a danger to myself. I have meds and a good therapist and a lot of practice with coping strategies, I'm good to go, I got a handle on myself before we met and I still have a handle on myself now. Obviously mental health isn't a guaranteed thing and just because I'm currently okay doesn't mean I always will be, but I have the tools to handle it when needed.

All this to say, when they asked if they could check up on my mental health, I was a little taken aback, wondering if they thought this would drive me to something extreme and if so why would they think that. I assured them that I was fine, totally stable and doing well and they had nothing to worry about, but I'd like to stay friends so sure, message me whenever you want.

I figured they'd check in on me in the immediate aftermath, which they did, but I thought that once that aftermath had passed they would go back to messaging me more conversationally, if at all. But since then, they keep doing "check in's" every few weeks to make sure I'm okay. This is not something they did when we were dating. I've been playing along because I'm the one who said it was okay, but I'm starting to feel a little bit weird about it?

Maybe I'm being too sensitive but it rubs me the wrong way that they only message me to do these check-ins, as if they think I'm going to fly off the deep end because we broke up. As if messaging me isn't having a convo with a friend but is instead some sort of wellness check they're obligated to perform. Like I said, I was taken aback to begin with by the implications of this, but now that they're still treating me like that months later, it's kind of pissing me off.

They literally just say "checking in" and nothing else, and they don't seem keen to converse otherwise. It gives me wellness check vibes which bothers me because I'm not in crisis, I've never been in crisis while they've known me, and them dumping me certainly didn't change that. I cannot emphasize enough that even when I was deep in depressive lows while we dated, it was never their job to do this sort of thing and they only started doing it after we broke up. It feels like they think I'm too weak or too unstable to actually be okay without them, even though I've repeatedly said that I'm currently thriving and to my knowledge there's no reason for them to think I'm currently a danger to myself.

Part of me wants to just start ignoring the messages but I'm worried that if this person thinks I'm so at-risk they need to keep checking on me months and months after dumping me, they might assume the worst if I just stop answering. The rest of me wants to just ask them to knock it off, but in that case I'm worried I'll come off as defensive and unreasonable, like I'm being offended over someone caring about my wellbeing, or that my frustration with this behaviour will make it come off harsher than I want it to. I don’t want to attack them for being worried about me, even if I find the degree of worry a bit insulting at this point.

My ex does not have an anxiety disorder and is not an anxious person at all. I have never threatened to do anything to myself in the time they've known me, and my reaction to the breakup was very calm and casual. I don’t know why they're acting like this, but it feels... I dunno, infantilizing? Condescending? I don’t know how exactly to describe it other than that it kind of feels like a slap in the face after the years and years of work I put into getting to this point with my mental health, none of which I needed them or even knew them for.

Would I be the asshole if I asked them to stop and was honest about why? Should I just ask them to stop and not elaborate? But then, if they ask, I don't want to lie, but maybe this is a situation where honesty isn't the best policy? Should I keep my mouth shut because they aren't actually doing anything wrong and I'm the one who said I fine with them checking on me? I was fine with it in the short-term, if a bit confused, but I never imagined it would still be going on months later.

What are these acronyms?

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

my review of death mark 2 after playing it again in english this time: kinda weird that michiho never says anything n that the last fight is just an hour long sex scene between yashiki, mashita n daimon huh. pretty solid horror game tho 👍

(real thoughts under readmore; spoilers mentioned)

jokes aside i still stand by calling the game 'the roughest' bc it really is imo

i've seen a few ppl go to bat for the plot but me n a lot of my friends agree that it just wasn't as strong. everything abt michiho n hime's writing + the writing surrounding them in general pissed me tf off which didn't help. teacher-student situations are back but unlike in the first game, it's students aggressively pursuing teachers... uncomfortable! the scissors chapter did handle it a bit better than i expected (esp since the teacher turned her down) so i did get emotional at the end of it but circling back to michiho's behavior after that is so UUUUUUUGH. n the writers never let yashiki firmly tell them to stop it sucks so much. don't get me started abt the fanservice cgs i'll blow everything up. why'd they make it woooorse

the girls should've just been silly rude teenagers. i don't think they should've been the departed at all *points at my au*

however! the writing for returning characters is super good. they're what makes the game worth it in all honesty, it's so nice to see all these comrades yashiki made in the first game trying to help n protect him. plus the fun stuff where they're cutting each other's hair n front of a ghost n meowing at rocks n shit. it kinda makes me wish death mark 2 was just.... death mark..... the sequel.... as in a direct continuation of dm1's plot w mary?

art wise i like the ghosts but they're not as unnerving as the prev games. also yashiki doesn't look as old n tired booo - he's beautiful to me either way but still

i notice some people have a hard time figuring out if they're doing the right thing or not n it makes them frustrated. the fact that there's so many unavoidable casualties this time definitely adds to that

side note: it's cool that the first thing you see when you start a new game is a flash of the bad end cg. scary

final verdict: personally i think it's mid. this will not stop me from drawing a bunch of fanart where i completely make things up xoxo

[ssaalexblake]

How would you respond to claims that 13's run feels a bit dodgy by having a cop travel with them?

You know, the other day while generally browsing the internet I happened across somebody complaining about this war movie. They were angry it was glorifying soldiers. Were anti-military themselves in general. You know what I mean. The thing is, though, the literature course I did in school had an entire unit and exam on war literature and I've read the book upon which the movie was based on and it has stuck with me as an incredible critique of war, conscription and the military by portraying those things in fiction. I would never pick it up again, not because it was bad, but because it was rough to 17yo me, but I am happy I've read it and other pieces of literature like it. I am happy I was taught to analyse and contextualise media with a serious subject such as that.

Now, this isn't the exact same thing as this. The BBC would legit never allow their lead children's show to Explicitly portray any acab message, like, ever, lets be true to reality here. But also, I genuinely think there is a fair amount of that puritanical black and white thinking going on here on the riff of Yaz working for the police being an immediate strike against the show because people think that portraying something is automatically lauding it because uh, the content of the story does Not track with the idea they're saying cop work is good work.

I have seen (on this site and many others) people say over and over again the only good cops are either dead or have quit bc they realised it was a crock of shit. In which case, the question becomes;

Did y'all miss the part where Yaz quit?

Yaz is not a cop anymore. Yaz quit. Yaz is portrayed as thinking it's frustrating bc because the helping people thing she was supposed to be doing isn't happening and we're shown this from literally the get go, her very first scene, and from there is only seen as trying A) to get work where she's actually helping somebody and totally failing to get it and B) straight up trying to get out of going to work by actually forging paperwork. S/O to her for that bit of illegality btw. Love that for her. She does not end the series employed by the police. Yaz found an actual way to help people and chose to do That instead.

Yaz's career arc is 'disillusioned teen signs up to be cop, realises it's bullshit and there are actual ways to help people and quits to go do that instead' which is, if i'm not mistaken, what we want actual real life cops to realise about their life choices.

I get it's a tetchy subject bc acab, i agree, and I get and agree and wish that this stuff could be more explicitly portrayed as well bc i'm sick of media or execs being too cowardly to be bold about messaging, but the insinuation that this portrayed the cops as systematically helpful or useful by having Yaz start out as a cop? No. Would I have liked it to be more explicit? Well yes, duh, but I cannot emphasise how that was literally never gonna happen. I can however emphasise how ideas like Yaz, whose main goal is to help, quitting being a cop bc she wasn't helping anybody beamed into impressionable young minds do, in fact, take root though.

Like, having a plucky teen hero character go through an arc of helping people and them Ending a cop to carry on the good work is Vastly different to a plucky teen starting out a cop bc they think that's how they get to help people then quitting bc they realised that's not true. One of these things is pro cop, the other is not.

I also hasten to mention again that there is a genuine conversation here abt the dodgy-ness cops being used in mental health emergencies. I wrote this out about it [Here].

On a personal note on this score, I, much like Sonya have been forced to deal with cops throughout somebody else's mental health emergency when I never should have had to and it fucking sucked. What an unempathetic bunch of rats who clearly haven't even done a google search's worth of research on how to discuss these things, let alone give it the gravity it deserves. That my choices were either cops or somebody dying is a travesty. And maybe this story speaks to me more personally as somebody who has had this experience and wants to throw hands over it still over a decade later, but that lady did not help Yaz, Yaz helped herself after a measly pep talk and the woman obviously never bothered to keep tabs and see if Yaz was okay afterwards either. Ryan helped his mate. Graham spreads good mental health advice that benefits others. The hospital in Syria was dealing in mental heath care by professionals of the time. Cop lady convinced Yaz to go home, succeeded, and Yaz gave her the credit when it was Her who dug herself out of that pit and not anybody else.

Like, genuinely this whole thing sets me off angry. And I could critique the execution if I wanted to but the bottom line is i've not actually seen anything else even go slightly Near where this plot went and I genuinely think it was something that should be said. As I said, a decade later and I still want to throw hands.

So basically like, I get the discomfort, I do, I get not wanting to see it as well, but Yaz grew OUT of this. Not the other way around. Portrayal is not endorsement. I do not personally find this era difficult to parse but people seem either unwilling or unable to do so on literally every theme addressed in it, but I am just back to being that 17yo in an english lit class being taught how to examine things through the vehicle of anti-war stories, ones that people are actually nowadays mad at for glorifying war just because they portray it when this couldn't be farther from the truth, and I cannot help but relate the situations a bit.

I mean, I don't think it's a 10/10 and I would tweak, but I am aware you won't be finding anything as bold as blatant acab on dw in this geopolitical climate and since that's endemic literally everywhere i'm not gonna single out This show for it when at least its trying (watching classic who and the things they just openly say and portray is soooooo eye opening. TV of the 21st century has no spine in general.) But the portrayal of something does not imply that said thing is positive. If real cops ditching the badge on principle is a good thing that we want to continue, I fail to see how fake ones portraying that said same thing is bad.

[orchidsangel]

hello ml!!

i was curious abt how big of a reader you are. like, if books ever interested you or if it’s just fics of tumblr mby?

and if books for you, what are your favourite(?)?!

hi robin!!!

oh gosh, i used to be such a massive reader. like genuinely addicted to reading, could knock out multiple books in a day. i remember one time when i was in elementary school, the book fair came around, and i asked to go to the nurses office so i could get out of class and look at the books.

i think sometime in middle school, i stopped reading as much, and by high school, i almost completely stopped outside of stuff assigned for class. and even then, i would skim over stuff and just quit a few chapters in.

i've got adhd so my attention span is really short, and my brain just won't function normally when i read, so i find myself rereading the same sentences over and over again to make sure i understand them, which just gets really frustrating. so idk, i stopped reading full-blown books bc of it. which is crazy because i do still love reading, i just hate that my brain's a little wonky and won't let me do it in peace.

a couple years back, i had to take english over in summer school, and it was basically a free reading period, so i ended up reading three entire books that summer, which may not be a lot for some people, but for me, at the time, it was really big. and last year, i finally finished a book that i had started two years prior but put down because it was just fucking insane.

i hope to read more this year, and literally, just last night, i raided my mom's classic lit shelf. planning on reading dracula or the picture of dorian gray!

as for my faves, it's hard to say because every book that's really stuck with me was something i read 2+ years ago, but the party by robyn harding was one i really loved. i read it in 8th grade, and it definitely wasn't for kids, but idk, i've never been one to stick to my age group. emergency contact by mary h.k. choi was a big one for me. i read that in 9th grade as a freshman in high school, i believe, and i followed it up with permanent record also by mary h.k. choi. i really loved both books, which was surprising for me because i'm not really into romance, but what i liked about them was how the entire plots weren't focused on the relationship, like it was more than that.

when you reach me by rebecca stead was a book i read when i was 10, and i still think about it to this day. i get the urge to reread it because my ten-year-old brain couldn't fully understand what was going on, but i did really enjoy it. during that same time in my life, i read the books absolutely normal chaos by sharon creech and a crooked kind of perfect by linda urban. both are books i think about often, especially a crooked kind of perfect, i reread it multiple times.

the most recent book i finished was credence by penelope douglas which…no comment. (literally put it down for two years before picking it up again and then had to put it back down for another six months)

my most recent fave was beware that girl by teresa toten, which i really really loved. although, the ending was a little lackluster, so i choose to ignore it and focus on the parts that i loved, which was pretty much the entire rest of the book.

i also enjoyed we were liars by e. lockhart, which was recommended by booktok before they became a bunch of smut fiends. i really did like that one, i didn't expect the end, and it was a good read to me.

there's definitely more that i've read in my life and enjoyed. i was a big geronimo and thea stilton lover when i was a kid, along with junie b jones and any iteration of a diary that could be found (dork diaries, dear dumb diary, diary of a wimpy kid). but lately, all i read is fanfiction, and i don't even read that much anymore.

i suppose the best way to exercise my brain muscles and get back into the habit of reading is to pick up a book and read, but ahhh, my eyes get so tired, and i already spend so much time staring at words while writing and doing homework. but i do really miss the feeling of being thoroughly enthralled in a book and not being able to put it down.

speaking of a book i forgot, the cheerleaders by kara thomas was a book i read the summer before my freshman year of high school, and it's the book that made me realize i thoroughly enjoy murder mysteries set in high school.

anyway, sorry this got so long. thank u for the q; made me really happy to answer it!

[stormysapphic]

[disclaimer: i have no intention to hurt anyone's feelings or start fights with this post! i would, however, really like it if people of any and all viewpoints on this topic commented on it and shared their thoughts with me in good faith! thanks. <3] i've been thinking about "bi lesbianism" lately - not in terms of whether i'm "for it or against it", because i frankly don't think it's my place to say. and because ultimately i have no problem with someone i don't even know identifying as a bi lesbian if that's truly the combination of words that they feel best describes the complexity of their experiences. but i also think that piling labels upon labels in an attempt to fully encompass something that'll never be fully dissected and simplified anyway - sexuality is complex for everyone in one way or another - is a futile attempt and not really how labels work in wider queer communities outside your super insulated discourse bubble anyway. understand that, while you're out here on tumblr fighting tooth and nail explaining to people why you're valid, there are already bi women out there in the real world who go to lesbian support groups and call themselves lesbians in that context and no one cares. there are wlw who think they probably have some sort of attraction to men but never want to date one so they call themselves lesbians and no one cares. there are wlw who aren't attracted to men but are in long term partnerships with them and therefore identify with the bi community and are welcomed there. and i've seen some people use all of that as an example for why identifying as a bi lesbian is logical and without issue, but i kind of feel the exact opposite. like, we already get that bi and pan for example are overlapping labels and someone chooses which one they use based on their preference and the (social, political...) situation they're in. we don't need you to say you're Bi-Pan, we'll get it from the context. in my mind, that has always also applied to the overlapping of lesbian and bi experiences. in addition, i see many of the people in the mspec lesbian/gay circles say stuff like "sexuality is fluid and not binary or clear-cut" but then treat their own labels as if they're all static identities. shouldn't that philosophy of fluidity and complexity make it easier than most to understand that you can go to the lesbian support group wearing the label lesbian & then go back home to your (male) boyfriend and exist under the bi label? and in the same way, understand that calling yourself a lesbian right after mentioning you're dating a man doesn't really make sense? because i can assure you that in the wider world of queer communities no one minds. when my friend says "i love being a lesbian" even though they're technically bi and usually identify as such, or i say "i'm a lesbian but also kind of a guy", people understand. but if my friend was pushing semantic arguments like "actually, lesbians who are attracted to men exist and here's why" at the lesbian support group meeting, or if i were to write on my dating profile that my gender is male and my sexuality is lesbian, sure, that would confuse and frustrate people & understandably so, imo. and if the reason you use a million different labels at once is bc it makes you feel connected to yourself and your identity and community, more power to you, honestly! i'm seeing more and more dykefags and fagdykes lately, so why not bi lesbians too, i guess. but i hope you know that having words to describe every aspect of yourself isn't what makes your experiences valid or invalid.

[altschmerzes]

do you have any tips for how to get yourself to write, and more importantly, how to like your writing? i used to be so confident and sure of my skills in writing but recently it seems like i can never put down actual words, and when i do they just come out flat. it’s the worst possible time for this to be happening too 😭 i really look up to you as a writer and admire your dedication and your ability to write consistently so if you can, help please!! 🙏

first of all thank you so much for your lovely words!!! i'm beyond flattered that i'm someone you look up to in writing, you're so kind to say so, and i've been pleased with my own consistency recently tbh. it's not always like that, i go through long stretches not being able to get myself to write, which is always frustrating and upsetting.

anyways in terms of getting yourself to write and, more importantly, to like what you're writing, here's what i've got for you my friend!

telling yourself that you're not going to care about it being perfect is the only way to get through it, i think. i do what i call 'flashdrafting' which is the fastest and shittiest version of something. i don't even pay attention to punctuation and full sentences, i just slam through stream of consciousness as much as possible without thinking about it. i get really into the groove doing that and then i move that text to the bottom half of my screen and type at the top, just retyping what i wrote into full sentences and paragraphs, adding details, etc. it helps me not overthink things too much.

i also do sprints in discord! i'm in a couple of servers with people i write with and doing those timed writing exercises helps me not only get a couple sentences out at least, it engages a communal aspect that is really helpful to me. of course this only works if you have like. a server to write with people in, but similar effects can be achieved setting a timer for five, ten, fifteen minutes etc. or just telling yourself fuck it, i'm adding 100 words to this story.

writing the parts you're excited about first can also help, i think. of course then it's a pain in the ass to go back and lay the groundwork for them or connect the scenes but sometimes that helps you realize that maybe you didn't need the parts you weren't excited about in the first place, or it'll give you motivation to get through those parts.

if you feel like you really hate what you're writing, switch to something else. that's what i do. i think it's really easy to get n one's own head with any creative endeavour, especially writing. you probably hate it mostly bc you wrote it. i end up hating a lot of the stuff i write and even if i'm lying to myself when i say it, i get through that by telling myself 'you hate it bc you wrote it, it's not that bad'

and, finally, having people to write with/get excited about writing with/hype your writing up. i cannot emphasize how critical this is. i would not have gotten anywhere in any of my projects if it weren't for the wonderful people - here, on anon or with a name attached, or in my dms, or otherwise - who are cheering me on and hyping me up and getting excited with me. it's hard to feel like your writing is garbage when someone you respect and enjoy talking to is telling you it rules, yknow? and it can be hard to build that kind of community but honestly, it's just about showing up i think. join a server if one exists, start messaging with writers you like, just start posting about your writing. building that community is like. i wouldn't be writing nearly as much as i do as often as i do if i didn't know it mattered to other people too.