#and she always puts in a really controversial piece

[dampfoxes]

not to be dramatic but

[sunderwight]

SV scenario where Shen Jiu is also Shen Yuan's Meimei.

Trans egg SJ never got to examine her gender identity very much in her first life. What with all the enslavement, abuse (given as well as received), misunderstandings, betrayals, dismemberment, and death, there was far too much for her to ever come to terms with a set of concepts she'd never really had the luxury to entertain. By the time Shen Jiu was a peak lord, the Shen Qingqiu persona was locked in, and any dreams of a different life or inclinations to the contrary of her role were ruthlessly quashed by SJ herself.

But when SJ finally dies and her soul is free to reincarnate (taking a few more memories than usual along for the ride), she has mixed feelings about being born as the youngest daughter of a wealthy family.

The mixed feelings don't actually last long, though after a while she starts to wonder why the fates would grant her a reprieve? Maybe remembering her past life is her punishment, because it's certainly the worst part of her new situation. Her parents are indulgent, her older brothers all dote on her and spoil her, and when she tests limits she's only gently rebuked if she gets rebuked at all. Not only is she allowed to wear fine dresses and look pretty, she's expected to (actually the expectation does chafe, a bit). But even when she uses foul language, skips classes, reads controversial books, and commits myriad other tiny rebellions, no real retribution ever comes of it.

Even despite everything, after some years Shen Jiu starts to become... not complacent, but perhaps calmer would be a better description. She has a stable future handed to her on a silver platter. Very few things remind her of her past, either. She can read books about snotty highborn lords getting railed by werewolves as readily as classics of literature or academic papers on science, business, culture, politics, or whatever else takes her fancy. Her family doesn't even put demands on her to marry, despite some of her mother's hints in that direction. For the first time, Shen Jiu has a life where it seems like she can't fail, she can only succeed however much she wants to. It's like having nowhere to go but up, except without the part about hitting rock bottom.

A foolish set of assumptions, in the end. There's always something to lose.

When Shen Yuan suddenly dies, Shen Jiu recognizes the sinister hand of the same entity which oversaw her own reincarnation. One which had visited her dreams quite recently, trying to tempt her back to her first life with offers of being able to change the past. It wasn't even difficult to deny it. Shen Jiu doesn't believe she could change what happened, and she doesn't really want to try. Her one regret is what happened to that person, the one who died so horribly while rushing to her rescue, and even that, she doesn't know how she would change (because she still doesn't know why he bothered in the first place).

But how dare the System God take the silliest and softest of her brothers to try and fix her accursed first life?! Luo Binghe will eat him alive! Cang Qiong will mistake him for a demon or a madman or worse, and throw him into some cell somewhere, if they don't just kill him outright!

Shen Meimei tries to negotiate with the System, but it tells her the window of opportunity for her to go back instead has passed. Smarmy piece of shit. There's nothing she can do without supernatural help, however, except bide her time and wait for another "window of opportunity". It's in the midst of this that she discovers PIDW, and its (terrible) account not only of the broad strokes of her first life and death, but of what came afterwards. That little beast really wrecked the world, huh? And all those women, too. She's never been more grateful to have not figured herself out in her first life. But at least with access to this information, she can try and prepare more. (She's suspicious of who actually wrote this account as well -- is Luo Binghe himself in this world? Better to leave it now, in that case, before he inevitably makes another bid for power and destroys everything in his wake all over again!)

When the System finally gives her an opportunity to go back (as herself, or rather "Bonus Epilogue Side Character -- Shen Qingqiu's Mysterious Little Sister!") she is braced for any number of outcomes. Shen Yuan could be dead. He could be imprisoned. He could have had his limbs all cut off. He could be stuffed into a pickle jar. He could be hiding or on the run somewhere. Hopefully, he'll be hiding behind that person, confused and distraught but still intact thanks to the sect leader's guilt-driven sense of obligation. Most likely if the same number of years have passed since Shen Yuan "left", he's already been destroyed by Luo Binghe and all Shen Jiu will be able to do is avenge him. But she has some ideas of how to kill the beast, so, she will.

Of course, what she finds is nothing she expected, and almost even worse.

Luo Binghe married her brother?!

Death is too good for him! Shen Jiu's going to skin him alive!!!

[genericpuff]

The Derivative Fashion Sense of Lore Olympus

So I'm usually out here going Gordon Ramsay on Rachel's ass about her writing and art, but for this unsolicited essay I will be wearing a different hat.

Yep, we're going Miranda Priestly today. Specifically the Miranda Priestly who talks fashion, not the Miranda Priestly who abuses employees lmao (though rest assured, I'm gonna have a lot of curt words throughout this).

Disclaimer: I am not at all an expert on fashion, these are just my thoughts and observations from studying fashion styles as part of my own artistic journey, so as always, take what I have to say with loads of salt. I also realize the irony that I am addressing the derivative nature of Lore Olympus when I, myself, am creating a derivative retelling of Lore Olympus.

Alright, enough small talk.

There's this general misconception in runway fashion that all those "impractical outfits" are meant to be worn by the average person, people such as myself who see these outfits and go "what the fuck do you mean Lady Gaga wore a dress made out of meat?!" When we see these crazy fits, our first impression is often "Why would anyone wear that?"

Well, because they aren't outfits. They're art pieces.

And not only are the outfits themselves art pieces, but the people wearing them are the canvases. These outfits aren't designed for just anyone to wear, especially not your average Joe, they're designed both with the artist's vision as well as the model in mind. A lot of thought, expression, cultural influences, and personal messaging is sewn into these designs.

Think about it this way, you couldn't take that aforementioned Gaga meat dress and put it on Taylor Swift. Not only would it not be physically tailored to her, but it wouldn't align with Swift's brand of music. Gaga, at the time of wearing that dress, was making a statement that came about from a collaborative effort between herself, the canvas, and her fashion designer, the artist. The meaning would be lost if you put Swift, Katy Perry, or any other musician into it, because the fact that Gaga is the one wearing it is part of that meaning.

What would happen if you did take the meat dress and put it on someone else? Well, that's how you get the controversial 2022 Met Gala when Kim Kardashian wore the sequin dress that Marilyn Monroe wore for JFK back in 1962.

Not a replica. Not a re-interpretation. The actual literal dress that Monroe once wore. This was a very bold - and in my opinion, reckless - move on Kim's part, because not only was she forcing herself into a dress not tailored to her (and yes, there has been deliberation on what damage was caused to the dress on account of this) but rather than working with a fashion designer to come up with a fresh new interpretation of the same concept, she just went "yeah I'm gonna wear the exact dress", in what many interpreted as a disrespectful power move to artificially put herself on the same level of prestige as Monroe. But she still isn't on that level of prestige and it speaks volumes that she thought carving out her own legacy would be as simple as just taking someone else's. The wolf wore the sheep's clothing with the intent to fool the sheep, but it was still a wolf.

But okay okay, WHAT does this have to do with Lore Olympus?

Well, Rachel released a new interview clip.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

I will say, these seem to have all been recorded at once probably when she was back at NYCC and they're probably going to be released daily leading up to the free release of the finale. Why they're hyping up the free version rather than hyping up the FastPass version that actually generates income, I have no clue, but I digress.

As always, the transcript is as follows:

"I really like looking at like, uh, vintage clothing and silhouettes that are... y'know, timeless. I mean, obviously it's really hard to future-proof work that's set in the modern setting because of course the times are gonna change, like, rapidly and there's not a lot you can do about it, but in terms of, like, fashion, there are just some silhouettes that are always going to look very classy, so... I try to put things that will not age. Like, I think there was a chapter recently where she [Persephone?] had like a very vintage Dior look which I really liked, um... and I feel like that will always look nice, like in 10 years time I'll be like, 'She looked good'. But there are some outfits which are more modern where I'm like, 'That probably won't look good in 10 years time'. But, y'know, we still got the inspired vintage Dior outfit so that's good, that's safe."

There isn't much to say about the actual transcribed text itself, but I do think it's very telling that Rachel tries to upsell her sense of fashion sense in LO when... much of it is just flat out derivative. At best she's often referencing real life people (mostly Hollywood celebrities) and at worst she's usually just grabbing stuff off Pinterest inspo boards without any consideration towards the influences or who she's putting into them.

That said, I do think she told on herself quite a bit in that final line of the interview clip - "that's good, that's safe."

I can understand wanting to play it safe in terms of knowing your limitations and not wanting to create something that would be dated in a few years.

But fashion... isn't about playing it safe. Because ultimately, how something ages in the long term isn't something that you, the artist, can control, and like many art mediums, you need to be focused on what to create next, not on how well your old art pieces still hold up in the present where they've been removed from their original context.

And I think this rings true for a lot of Lore Olympus, beyond just the fashion. It's all just a little too safe. We see it in the fashion, we see it in her uncommitted writing decisions, we see it in how often she's willing to retcon things just to write herself out of corners.

And I think that's really Rachel's biggest weakness as a creator at the end of the day. As much as she's tried to put on the persona of "screw you, I'll do what I want", her actions are always the opposite of what she says. She says that the fashion in LO is very vintage, but I can count on one hand how many outfits were actually vintage. The vast majority of them are a lot more modern, with a lot of Western influences, and sometimes with a boob window thrown in.

Case in point, the most recent outfit of Persephone wearing a practically-nude sparkle dress?

That's Rihanna's Swarovski dress that she wore in 2014.

Now, to Rachel's credit, she did find a way to personalize this to Persephone by removing the cap and giving her a rose-shaped bun, but the outfit itself is still just copied directly from Rihanna. Not only is there not a whole lot of Persephone's influence beyond her being literally made out of roses-

-but there isn't anything calling attention to the fact that this is a Greek myth retelling. And this isn't just a problem with the Swarovski dress callback, this is a problem EVERYWHERE.

And of course, that's not even touching on the fact that Hades and Hecate are forced to wear suits constantly. Because, according to Rachel, the fashion inspiration for Hades and Persephone only went as deep is "he's the groom and she's the bride"-

Rachel plays it safe by sticking purely to the inspirations she consumes from modern American media. The "modern twist" on the myths in LO is literally just "it's Greek myth but it's set in Los Angeles". She doesn't seem to want to put herself out there and actually consume Greek content any deeper than what she can find on Google, and it shows in how little Greek there is in this Greek myth comic.

There is, ironically, as I've been told by community members in ULO, a fashion collection called Persephone created by Paolo Sebastian, and in it you can see the actual Greek influences in these outfits far more than what you see in even Persephone's most visually stunning outfits:

These are dresses and yet Paolo uses them as an opportunity to tell the story of Persephone, somehow even more faithfully than an actual written adaption of The Hymn to Demeter. Because fashion, too, can tell a story - and Lore Olympus' fashion, like its writing, has no story to really tell, at least not in Rachel's hands when she's just pulling whatever she can find from what she treats as a pile of "stuff" on Google.

And that's not even getting into how the writing plays it safe much in the same way as the fashion influences and artistic choices. A good example is that S3 premiere sequence, in which Hades and Persephone are pulled away from each other so that... they can get washed down by their family and peers.

Rachel doesn't really do anything to re-contextualize this reference for the context and setting and circumstances of LO, she just goes "I liked that bath scene from Beauty and the Beast so I'm going to put it in LO."

And of course, it doesn't work as effectively as it did in Beauty and the Beast, because the whole original point of that scene was to showcase the big and scary Beast being washed down like a dog by his servants-turned-into-furniture while he stresses over how he's going to win over Belle. It's a comedic subversion, artistically by showing the ferocious beast reduced into a wet dog, but also on a narrative level by showing through his dialogue and actions how nervous he is to impress Belle because his own fate - as well as the fates of his servants - depend on her falling in love with him. He can't afford to mess this up.

But in LO, it's two naked people who we already know love each other and are committed to each other, we've already seen countless scenes of them being sweet on each other and showcasing that they're into each other, and by all accounts they've already gotten their happy ending, so it makes no sense for them to just be like "OMG SHE LIKES ME?? I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE LIKES ME!" "should I seduce him?!?!??" because this seems like a no-brainer and there's zero actual stakes riding on this the way that there was with Belle and the Beast. Plus the people washing them down aren't their servants who are in the same situation as them, they're random gods from the Pantheon whose affiliation ranges from "family" to "never even had a conversation before". One of the women washing down Persephone has literally never spoken a single line of dialogue to her; another one of them was literally dumped by her partner because he wanted Persephone more than her. Who are these people and why are they enthusiastically appearing to give her a bath? Why is Hades being given a scrub down by his own brother?

And that's really the most striking difference between inspired references and derivative ones. Undertale was a game created by a guy who was in love with retro games like Earthbound and Megaman. Stardew Valley was a game created by a guy who loved Harvest Moon and used to play it with his girlfriend. Content that's built on the foundation of another is natural and the basis of inspiration, but you have to go further with it than just going "yeah this thing existed and I'm taking it", otherwise you miss the purpose of why those inspirations were created the way they were.

And when you don't actually explore how you can re-interpret those influences and add your own voice into them, that's how you wind up writing like Rachel whose writing is about as inspired as a cheap character swap cutaway gag from Family Guy.

Rachel's great at referencing, but that's not at all an impressive thing to do as proven by Peter Griffin. She's not at all re-contextualizing or expanding on what inspired her... but she still claims that she's exactly what she's doing because she calls Lore Olympus a "deconstruction". But her deconstruction only ever goes so far as "well what if Aphrodite left Ares for Hephaestus instead of the other way around?" and then just showing that question and never answering it or delivering on the potential of what that could cause. At best, she'll ask a "what if?" but then never actually show us the what if, it begins and ends with the question and the question itself doesn't provoke any thought deeper than "huh, yeah, that would be neat I guess." Episode's over, next scene. What if we showed that clip of Bill O'Reilly freaking out on set, but like, replaced it with Stewie Griffin and changed nothing else about it except for that? That's the joke, next scene.

I know, we're digressing hard off the fashion here, but the fashion itself is just a symptom of a much bigger problem that expands even beyond Lore Olympus - Rachel plays things way too safe. Even her responses in her interviews are painfully subdued, often resorting to the same tired answers that we've heard 823190589320 times before to the same hand-picked questions that are undoubtedly chosen ahead of time to ensure she doesn't have to answer anything too complicated. And when she does say "I have thoughts about xyz" she never actually... expresses her thoughts. She just says she does and then moves on without any further elaboration because she can't wholeheartedly commit to whatever thoughts she has going on.

Granted, I'm sure that part of that is owed to the fact that she might feel like she can't say anything while the critics are breathing down her neck. I can understand that. But it's gotten so chronic that it's now bleeding into the work itself and it's led to even more criticism of her work. Need I remind you that this is the same person who copy pasted the definition of "xenia" from a first result Google search into her comic instead of naturally writing it into the script:

Rachel played it so safe that she basically treated her own audience like kindergartners by explaining what a scene meant even after explaining it in the text:

As true as it is in fashion, writing stories and making art takes risks. That doesn't mean you have to completely throw caution to the wind, but if you don't take risks, you do yourself the disservice of writing something that can truly be called unique and special to you. If you don't use your influences wisely, if you don't analyze and re-analyze what's influenced you over the years, you're going to wind up losing a lot of subtext in those influences and missing out on the opportunity to add your own voice into the re-interpretation. Rachel does take a lot of risks in LO, but they're not calculated risks, they're not risks that actually have any meaning behind them, she's sort of just throwing stuff at a wall and seeing what sticks, and worst of all, when it doesn't stick, she herself doesn't stick to it, she backpedals, she cowers away from the decisions she's made.

Rachel expressed her worries about depicting fashion that would become aged, but Lore Olympus is already aged through her own inability to commit to her decisions, take risks, and find her voice. It's aged itself through its poor interpretations of the myth, it's aged itself through its reliance on Tumblr tropes that have already been replaced tenfold, and it's aged itself through Rachel herself riding off the initial innovation of creating Lore Olympus and then never continuing to challenge herself or raise the bar for herself.

It proves true the discussion around why Lore Olympus became popular - at the time, it was groundbreaking, drawn in a style that we hadn't seen much of before, with fresh new takes on the myth; now, in 2024, its 'takes' feel tired and half-baked, and its art style has become a corporate-scrubbed shell of what it once was. And yet, Rachel is still rewarded for it all the same, so settling for comfortable mediocrity has become the name of the game.

Rachel may be trying as hard as the Disney life action remakes and Kim Kardashian to put herself on the same pedestal as the greats of yesteryear simply by copying what they did, but in playing it this safe and refusing to find her own voice out of the voices that influenced her, Lore Olympus isn't timeless. It's soulless.

[sunsetchicane]

cowboy like me [LN4]

lando x fem!reader

word count: 8.2k

summary: The one where you work on a ranch and it’s everything you know. There’s nothing that can come between you and your love for your home. Not even a handsome stranger who seems to pull the best out of you.

warnings: slight angst, some fluff, horses!, brief sexual innuendo, a singular swear word, and one [sad] kiss.

author’s note: hey! hi! hello! this is my first fic on here (omgggg 🤭) so please, please, please let me know your thoughts/comments/questions! might write a second part to this…thoughts??[xoxo elle]

~~~

Buxton Ranch has been in the Buxton family before Montana even became an official Union state in 1889. Land wasn’t simply a commodity or property back then; it was life or death. William T. Buxton and his wife, Mary Anne, put their boots down on this land along with their four children and they’ve never left. They fought their way over the mountains, survived the unbearable, and have reaped the benefits of their resilience for over a century and a half.

Willamina T. Buxton I, my boss, is the great-something granddaughter of William T. Buxton I. Her father, William T. Buxton VII handed over the ranch to her on her 30th birthday a few years back. The controversy caused ripples through the entire community because even though Willamina is Mr. Buxton’s first born, the ranch has always been handed down to the eldest son. Willa is the first woman to ever have ownership of the ranch.

My family hasn’t been in Montana nearly as long as the Buxtons. My mom and I moved out here in the spring the year I was born. My father skipped out before my mom could even hold herself upright in her hospital bed after laboring with me. She tells me that we came here to Montana for a fresh start, and what better place to go than where the sky is bigger and the air is pure. The mountains became our safe haven, our buffer from the rest of the world and, more importantly, our history. It’s easy to forget up here, to allow your mind to rest. I’ve never been at a loss for why the Buxtons came and never left. Sometimes, in the dark of my room, I pretend that I really am a Buxton, that I truly belong.

However, when the sun breaks across the mountain peaks and the world comes alive once again, I’m forced to realize that I don’t belong to the Buxton dynasty. I simply work for them.

My alarm blares to my right, causing me to shoot upright. With fumbling fingers, I seek for the power button of my alarm clock. When I finally find it and shut off the hellish noise, I fling my legs over the side of my bed. With the heels of my hands, I rub the sleep from my eyes. The world around me is painted in a deep blue, still fast asleep and undisturbed by my alarm. I envy it as I rise from my bed and get ready for the day.

Silently, I pull on my bootcut Wranglers and a light green long sleeved button down. My belt and beat up old boots complete the ensemble for the moment being. My next stop is the bathroom where I brush my teeth and comb my hair. Tying my hair off into a low braid so it’ll sit right under my hat takes only a couple minutes. I’ve been wearing my hair the same way to work every day for the past seven years.

Once I’m done in the bathroom, I make my way to the kitchen where a pot of coffee is automatically brewing on schedule. I toss a few eggs into a pan as well as two pieces of bread into the toaster. The breakfast of champions and me every single day. After crushing a cup of coffee and my plain breakfast, it’s time to head out. Instead of living on-site with the rest of the ranch hands, I still live with my mom. I’ve been wanting to move out to the ranch for over a year now since I finished college, but the possibility of breaking my mom’s heart stops me from even mentioning it to her.

Glancing at the clock, I know I have plenty of time to spare, but I start to pack up and head out the door anyway. I enjoy being early to the ranch. It’s peaceful and serene before it wakes and rises. Grabbing my work jacket because the winter’s just turning over to spring, my chaps, and my lunch sack, I head out the door. My mom and I share an old, sunburnt orange Chevy truck that just barely runs. I toss my things into the bed of the pickup before sliding into the worn out driver’s seat. As I slide the key into the ignition, I send up a quick prayer that she turns over. When I press the key forward, the engine roars to life. Prayers have been answered this morning and I hope it’s a good omen for the rest of the day.

The drive to Buxton Ranch is short and sweet, all dirt roads and drifting grassy fields. The radio sounds quietly and the engine hums loudly, but everything else is completely still. A distant light orange is just starting to brush the very edges of the horizon in the east. Nature is starting to reach out and stretch its sleepy limbs.

As I pull up to the place where I always park near a stretch of fence, I see a figure dressed in shadows leaning over the wood a few yards away. Once I’ve tossed the pickup into park and yanked out the keys, I jump down from my seat so I can walk over to her. She’s always out here before everyone. Sometimes I see her, most times I don’t. When I do, it feels like fate, like there’s something about today that’s meant to happen this way. Or maybe it’s just Willamina Buxton.

“Good morning, y/n,” she rasps without glancing over at me. Crossing my arms, I lean over the log fence and take in the view. I don’t think there’s a better view in all of Montana than that from Buxton Ranch.

“Good morning, Willa,” I answer quietly. Her brother, Wyatt, was my best friend growing up. She’s only 12 years older than the two of us, but somehow she seems infinitely older and wiser. She’s been a role model for me. We grew closer after Wyatt left for college a few years back. Of course he came back in the summers to visit, but he never stayed long. He wasn’t born for this life. Instead of horses, he dealt with horse power. He always wanted to become an engineer for Formula One. When the opportunity came to go overseas to study in England and intern at McLaren, he hadn’t even thought twice. One day he was here, and the next he was gone.

I struggled with feeling abandoned for a while, but I came to terms with it quickly. I realized that dreams were meant to be chased and he was incredibly fortunate to get this opportunity. I was also chasing my dream, I just had to go down the street instead of across an ocean. We keep in touch, calling frequently and texting nearly every day, but it’s not the same. I miss him.

“Heard from Wyatt recently?” Willa says quietly then takes a sip from her mug of iron black coffee.

“Not in a couple of days. Seems busy,” I mumble. Wyatt’s leaving is a bit of a sore spot for Willa. She wanted him to stay on the ranch and in the family business. Her asking about him is a bit of an anomaly.

She hums, then pauses, then sighs. “Lots to do today. We better get going.”

And just like that the work day starts.

I tend to the horses right away, leading them out into the corral so I can wash out their stalls from over the weekend. I give each of them fresh hay and fill up large troughs of water for the more temperamental ones. Then I lead them one at a time back into their stalls and give them a thorough once over to check how they’re doing.

The last one I have to put away is the youngest of the group. He came to us only last year, unbroke and wild as the river. He’s a black Morgan stallion, sleek and athletic. He’s larger than your typical Morgan, with rippling muscle, and a proud face. He’s beautiful. We call him Jupe.

“Jupe,” I coo kindly to the untamed stallion. “Come on, Jupe.”

He casts a look over his back at me telling me everything I need to know. Sighing, I toss myself over the fence and into the corral. With my palms raised up and in front of me, I show him the leather lead in my hand as I walk over to him slowly.

“Come on, Jupe, we gotta go back inside. I cleaned up real nice for you, boy. Fresh hay, new water, you’re living the five star life, buddy,” I say while creeping up on him. He doesn’t move, but simply tracks my movements with his black eyes. Nerves claw at my stomach as I approach him. Reaching out slowly, I praise him and repeat his name over and over. Finally, I slide the clip of the lead around a loop in his bridle. But there’s no relief yet. I still have to get him into the stables without incident.

“Good boy, Jupe,” I say, reaching out gently to stroke his nose. He pushes at my hand playfully. A surge of pride washes over me. Maybe the two of us are finally making progress. Jupe lets me lead him out of the corral and back to his stall with ease. Today really is my day.

“Thank you,” I whisper to the stallion as I slide the lock shut on his door. Jupe’s head hangs over the short door, his head coming down to level with mine. Patting him gently, I pull a couple sugar cubes from my pack. I hold them up to him on my flat palm and he slurps them up gratefully. A smile that I can do nothing to stop breaks across my face. I’m gonna saddle him up one day. And maybe that day is sooner than I’d anticipated.

“Only you would give that stubborn Morgan a treat,” I hear a familiar voice say. I whip around in disbelief as the tone and inflexion registers in my mind.

“Then again, maybe the two of you have bonded over your mutual stubbornness.” Wyatt hardly gets the words out before I’m taking his arm in mine and wrapping him up in a hug with the other. We laugh as we sway side to side. My hat careens to the side of my head as I hug him and I know I must be getting him all sweaty and dirty, but I can’t find it in myself to care about vanity at the moment. Wyatt’s back.

“Surprise!” He says when I finally let go of him. He’s wearing a bright smile as I pull back. Wyatt reaches up and straightens out my hat for me.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were coming!” I say while smacking the back of my hand against his shoulder. “I would’ve gotten off work and…”

“No, you wouldn’t have,” he laughs as I slide past him to finish up sweeping this side of the stables.

“You’re right,” I laugh along with him while I sweep. He knows that I love my job too much to step away from it. I hate missing a day and he knows that.

Wyatt takes a seat on a stack of unused hay bales that I’ll have to load back up. He chats with me about school and England and McLaren. I don’t know much about Formula One, just what I picked up on from Wyatt constantly chatting my ear off about it. Most of the stuff that Wyatt has told me, however, goes way over my head. What I do know is that this boy is an engineering genius and McLaren is lucky to have him now as a full-time employee. They offered him a job straight out of university. He’ll be living full time in the UK. My stomach twists at the thought.

“So, what do you have going on for the rest of the day?” Wyatt asks after I’ve finished sweeping. I place my hands on top of the broom and lean my chin over my fingers.

“Riley and I were going to take down that rickety south fence and…” I start to say while mentally checking my to-do list.

“Sandy’s helping Riley with that,” Wyatt says matter-of-factly. I cast him a questioning look to which he simply blinks at.

“Alright. Then I have to go to the cattle and check on all of the pregnant…”

“Louise has that covered,” Wyatt informs me while picking at his nails. What is he getting at?

“Why…well, then I have to…” I begin, trying to move away from things that he could possibly know of.

“Go riding with me and my friends!” Wyatt exclaims while hopping off the hay bales and clapping his hands together. “Wonderful idea.”

My jaw drops. There’s no way that he’s trying to make me skip the rest of the day to go riding. Not after we just had a conversation over the fact that I would never do that. That I could never do that. I have an obligation to be here, to get things done.

“Wy, you know I’d love to, but I’ve got work to do,” I say firmly while walking over to hang up my broom. Jupe huffs and brays at Wyatt as he walks briskly over to me.

“No you don’t. I made sure of it,” Wyatt says while grabbing my hands so I have no choice but to stand in front of him. “Willa’s told me to inform you that if you’re found working this afternoon, there’ll be severe consequences.”

At that, I know I have to oblige with Wyatt’s request. If Willa gave the all clear, there’s no reason for me to try and argue. One thing about the Buxtons is they’re nearly as strong-willed as the horses they hold. Not to mention it would be incredibly rude of me to not accept Willa’s generosity. This doesn’t stop me from letting Wyatt know exactly how I feel about him pulling me away from my work. I do so in colorful language the entire walk over to the house.

“You don’t even want to go riding with me, you just want me to be your guide,” I feign an accusation as we approach a small crowd of people on the large front deck of the Buxtons glorious ranch home. I see a few ranch hands and two other men that I don’t know, who must be Wyatt’s friends.

“You are the best guide out here.” His backhanded compliment earns him an eye roll. As we approach the house, he tells me to wait for a second while he calls over his friends. Their heads turn quickly to the two of us when Wyatt calls to them. They say hasty goodbyes to the staff they were chatting with before walking over to Wyatt and I. One is tall and pale, with pale eyes, and pale hair. His cheeks are flushed a slight pink from the chill that still hangs in the spring air. He looks lively and excited, his eyes bouncing around from one thing to another at lightning speed.

The other man is shorter with cropped, dark, curly hair. His hazel eyes are sharp and brilliant against his tanned skin. As he draws nearer, I can tell that he’s very physically fit. He’s wearing a tight long sleeve shirt that hugs his arms, brand new boot cut jeans, and a shiny pair of boots that have obviously never been worn. His eyes, unlike his friend, don’t wander while he walks over to us; they stay trained on me. A small smile falls across his pretty pink lips as he finds me watching him swagger his way over. He’s attractive.

“Never seen a British boy in cowboy boots before,” I say when they stop in front of us, glancing down at the brunette's footwear. When my eyes flick up to his, he still hasn’t stopped looking at me. Clearing my throat, I extend a hand to the blonde.

“Hi, y/n,” I introduce myself while shaking his hand.

“Mitchel,” he says, his accent is sharp and acutely German, which takes me by surprise. I nod, casting him a warm smile. I watch as Mitchel’s eyes flick to Wyatt over my shoulder. Following suit, I catch Wy smiling like a fool and a slight blush that I don’t think has anything to do with the weather coating his cheeks. When he sees me looking at him, he quickly crosses his arms and looks away. My smile widens. Mitchel drops my hand and then stuffs his back into his pockets.

“Y/n,” I say to Wyatt’s other friend who has a bit of a staring problem. He takes my hand in his slowly.

“Lando Norris,” He says crisply, his accent confirming my previous assessment. “Nice to finally meet you, y/n.”

His name catches in my mind, as if I’ve heard it before but I can’t place it. Wyatt must have mentioned him at some point, but for the life of me I can’t remember what about. A moment passes and our hands stay held together in the space between us as I try to place him. My eyes scan over his face and catalog his freckles and scars and the way his eyes sparkle when he smiles. When it dawns on me that I’m now the one with a staring problem, I swiftly pull my hand from his. Briefly, his jaw clenches.

“Finally, huh?” I take his previous statement and run with it. Turning my back to Lando, I glance over at Wyatt. “Just what have you been saying about me?”

“All good things, all good things,” Wy assures me while coming up to clasp me on the shoulder. He leans into me with a big smile that makes my stomach churn at the thought of what he’s actually told his friends. What does Lando think of me? Why does it matter what Lando thinks of me?

“Well,” I say quickly, trying to shake the thought of Lando from my head. “I suppose we should get going if we want to be back by sundown.”

The three boys nod their heads in agreement. The four of us walk over to the stables. Wyatt and Mitchel walk slowly behind me as they chit chat and laugh. Casting a glance over my shoulder at them, I watch as their shoulders bump together and their fingers brush intentionally. I bite my lip to keep myself from smiling. Wyatt’s alway had a hard time with romance and partnership just because of where we grew up and the hate he received for simply being himself. Seeing him this way, happy and smitten, makes me feel proud. It affirms that his leaving was necessary in so many ways.

“How long have you been working here?” Lando’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. My attention slides over to him. He’s come up to my left, his hands folded behind his back. His eyes are wide and curious as he looks at me. I can’t help but feel like I’m being analyzed.

“Seven years. But I’ve been on the ranch all my life. I took riding lessons from Willa and then became fast friends with Wyatt,” I tell him while pulling my eyes from his. Returning his gaze seems difficult, so I keep my eyes trained on the stable. He hums in acknowledgement of my response. I can feel his eyes on me still.

“Do you work at McLaren with Wyatt?” I ask my new acquaintance. He chuckles to himself a little, his pretty eyes squinting from his large smile.

“Yeah, you could say that,” he says, making me feel like I’m missing something. I scoff at his vague response, but don’t press the issue. If he wanted to explain himself, he would. His aura is interesting. He seems so sure of himself, completely at ease with who he is. It’s captivating.

We make it to the entrance of the stable and I instruct Lando and Mitchel to take a seat while Wyatt and I saddle up the horses. It takes us a while to get everyone ready for the trail ride, but with every passing minute, the more excited I get. Wyatt and I used to go out on the trails all the time. During the summer as teenagers, we would stuff our packs full of camping supplies and go for days at a time. Those memories are my most cherished possessions, things that I will never forget. Now whenever I take others up there, I feel as though I’m bearing a part of my soul to them.

Once we’re done getting everything ready, Wyatt leads his and Mitchel’s horses, Rudy and Molly, outside with Mitchel in tow. This leaves me alone with Lando. My stomach twists nervously when I feel his presence looming to my right.

“Ever ridden before?” I ask while petting Luna, a beautiful sorrel tovero paint. She’s older, but strong and steady, a good horse for a beginner.

“Yeah, loads,” Lando says while joining me in stroking Luna. I cast him a critical glance. If he sees it, he ignores me. Rolling my eyes, I really can’t tell if he’s being serious or not. It’s important to know what you’re doing while working with large animals. I make the mental note to keep him in my line of sight at all times while riding.

“Oh, good. Then you’ll be good to lead Ms. Luna out? She’s yours for the day,” I tell him while handing over the reins. I watch his adam's apple bob and his eyebrows lift slightly before nodding and accepting the reins from my hand. When his fingers brush over mine, goosebumps run across my arm. Quickly, I pull my hand away and turn towards Beau, my stallion for today. Fiddling aimlessly with his bridle, I wait until the steps of Luna and Lando have disappeared before releasing a breath. Leaning my forehead against Beau’s neck, I sigh at my stupid behavior. Am I really so touch starved that I get goosebumps at my finger brushing against his? That’s sad.

I take Beau’s reins in my hand and start leading him out to the waiting pack of boys. Just as I’m about to exit the stables, I look over at Jupe. He’s looking at me like he knows exactly what’s going on in my mind.

“Don’t give me attitude,” I tell him.

He just blinks at me.

Beau and I join everyone. Wyatt’s running Mitchel through the basics while Lando watches on. He’s pretending to not be listening by petting Luna and quietly talking to her, but I still catch the way he glances over when Wy demonstrates something. I walk around and do a quick double check on everyone’s gear before returning to Beau’s side. With the ease of muscle memory that I don’t think I’ll ever lose, I toss myself up and onto the saddle. Wyatt assists Mitchel into his saddle before climbing into his own. Lando glances over at me before sliding his foot into the stirrup and attempting to pull himself up. He looks out of his depth and slightly awkward as he hauls himself onto the saddle seat. Biting back a laugh, I click my tongue and squeeze my legs a little to get Beau to move for me. The two of us saunter up next to Lando. His easy continence is long gone, replaced by nerves and uncertainty. His hands shake as he grabs onto the reins incorrectly.

“Here, like this,” I correct while reaching out to his hands. My fingers pry his anxious fists open and fix where he’s holding the leather cord. I’m surprised to find calluses littering his palms, a mirror of my own. I maneuver his palm to rest in the right way so he doesn’t agitate Luna. I can feel Lando watching me as I touch and hold his hands. I’ve done this a hundred times when teaching lessons, but this is the first time that I feel an uncomfortable blush creeping onto my cheeks. Lando’s presence has me off axis, spinning out of my routine. I’ve known him for maybe an hour and he’s already getting under my skin.

“Just trust Luna, she knows the way,” I say quietly as I pull away from him. He bites at his lip but nods along with my words. Smiling as warmly as I can, I leave his side to ride up to Wyatt. However, I can’t help but glance back over my shoulder at him. He’s not looking at me, thankfully. Instead, his eyes are trained on his hands as he flexes them on the reins the way I showed him. His focus is endearing, almost cute.

But when his eyes rise to find mine, I snap my head forward in hopes that he didn’t catch me staring at him. The last thing I need is to develop some sort of childish crush on a stranger that I’ll never see again after a few days. I just have to keep my head down and my thoughts off of him.

“Time’s wasting!” Wyatt calls to me, letting me know that everyone is ready to go. Nodding, I take the lead while Wyatt falls to the back. We keep Mitchel and Lando between us so they don’t get caught straying off the path.

Going out for a ride is one of my favorite things. I love going into the mountains, walking along the thin paths, and enjoying the earth. As we go, I hear Mitchel and Wyatt quietly chatting at the back of the pack. However, once we get to the treeline, their voices fall away from my earshot. My senses are overcome by our surroundings. The budding trees are gorgeous as they filter the sunlight into sultry beams that fall onto the new grass along the sides of the gravel path.

“Beautiful,” I hear Lando speak for the first time since we left. I’ve been distracted thankfully, leaving me free from his effect on me. Now, though, I find myself turning to the side to look at him as he comes up next to me. I’m surprised to find him staring at me instead of the lively forest that hems us in. A thought that he might be making a comment about me instead of the scenery flashes through my mind. Quickly, I shove the absurd thought away and chalk it up to wishful thinking.

“It is,” I agree, giving him a small smile. He chuckles a little before turning to look around him. Suddenly, I’m acutely aware of him. Somehow he adds to the already perfect scene around me. His hair is being ruffled by the slight, cool breeze, which also lends his skin a gorgeous pink flush. Bright hazel eyes track the swishing branches and fluttering wildlife. His muscles are on display as he engages them to ride Luna. He looks less stiff than he did earlier, as if he’s finding himself at ease here. The idea makes me giddy. I find myself agreeing with Lando’s previous assessment. Beautiful.

“See something you like, cowgirl?” Lando laughs when he catches me staring at him yet again. My eyes go wide and my mouth parts as I scramble for a proper response, a defense, anything. There’s just something about him that makes it nearly impossible to look away. I think I’d like to be able to see him a lot more.

“Cowgirl?” Is all I can come up with. It’s not an inaccurate title, but the way he said it made it sound different. It was tacked onto his question almost like an endearment, or a tease. I laugh a little at his choice of words and the way it sounds in his accent.

“I see a lot of things I like, cowboy. You’ll have to be more specific,” I challenge. This successfully pulls a proper laugh from him. It’s the type of laugh that sends birds flying frantically from their perches and the creatures hidden in the grass scurrying away. It’s impossible to not laugh along with him. My heart flutters and I have to hold on tighter to my reins so I don’t fall off the saddle.

“I may be a lot of things, but I am no cowboy,” he corrects. I nod while continuing to laugh.

“I could have told you that,” I confirm while adjusting my hat.

“Oh really?” Lando says, urging me to explain myself. He tilts his head to the side while his mouth pulls into a closed lipped smile.

“If the brand new jeans and boots didn’t give you away, then you’re riding definitely does. You ride stiff as a board,” I inform him while glancing down at his boots and jeans. His denim clad thighs are tight around Luna’s middle, tense muscles visible through the fabric.

“Alright, teach me then,” he says, his free hand coming to rest on his hip. “Cowgirl.”

I roll my eyes at his words once again, but am resolved to help him nonetheless. There’s nothing like going out and being able to ride properly. I want to ask him why he lied to me about his experience with riding, but I don’t want to bruise his ego any further. Trying something new is challenging enough, and if he’s willing to learn, then I don’t want to jeopardize that.

“Keep sitting up straight, but relax your body. Your hips should shift back and forth in the seat a little. Don’t fight what feels natural. Just watch me,” I tell him. His eyes slide slowly from my face down to my hips. I watch as his eyes track my hips back and forth just slightly with Beau’s steps. Lando’s breathing goes uneven and his bottom lip disappears between his teeth. He’s staring at me like there’s nothing else he’d ever want to look at. It makes my heart race and nerves flutter in my stomach. I hadn’t really thought about the more sensual implications of having him watch my hips, but it seems rather obvious now. However, I don’t really mind the way he’s looking at me, or the way his focus is completely attuned to me. Selfishly, I really wish he wouldn’t look at anything else ever again. But that can’t happen.

“Eyes up, cowboy,” I tell him after a few more seconds of letting him watch. “Go ahead.”

Clearing his throat, he shifts a little in the saddle before settling in to do what I asked. I don’t miss the way he avoids looking me in the eye, as if he’s embarrassed. Have I flustered him? The thought makes me just a tiny bit proud. He doesn’t seem like the type to be flustered easily. He sits up straight and attempts to relax his body. His lower half starts to shift the right way, looking more natural and less jerky than before. Indulging myself, I watch for a few more seconds. I bite the inside of my cheek as he rocks back and forth in the saddle. My mind goes wandering to places that I shouldn’t be thinking about with a man I’ve only known for a day. Less than a day. And yet, I can’t stop myself.

“Maybe we’ll make a real cowboy out of you yet, Lando Norris,” I tell him after I’ve noticed improvements. His focus fractures and he looks over to me.

“I think I’d like that,” He shoots back, a sly smile accompanying his words. The look twists my stomach into nervous knots. There’s something about him, something intangible, that draws you in. Maybe it’s charm or charisma, or maybe it’s just the way he was made. Whatever the circumstances or reasons are, it’s not fair. I feel as though I have hardly a fighting chance to ward off any sort of desire that’s bubbling to the surface. I want to keep getting to know him; I want to teach him anything he asks; I want to never let go of the way he makes me feel.

The walk back to the ranch grounds is much faster than I would have liked. Lando chats with me the entire way back about this and that. He’s smart and funny and my chances of not having a crush on him grow slimmer with every passing minute I spend with him. When we get back to the stables, I find myself taking much longer than I normally would to put everything away. Mitchel and Wyatt decided that a fire would be the best way to end the night, so they ran out to get it started while Lando and I finished up with the horses. He tried his best to help, but kept getting distracted by visiting all of the stalls.

“Who’s this?” Lando says as I finish putting away the last saddle. I say a quick goodbye to Beau before heading down to the last stall near the open barn doors. Lando is standing in front of Jupe’s stall, his arms crossed over his chest. I stop next to him, leaving an appropriate amount of space between us, even though I want to come up right next to him and press my shoulder to his.

“This is Jupe. He’s our newest. Bit ornery, but a good boy,” I say while reaching my hand out to pat Jupe’s head. He brays at my touch, but doesn’t pull away. I give him a quick kiss on the nose and coddle him a little. Positive reinforcement does wonders.

“My turn,” Lando says from behind me. Astounded, I turn my face toward him. He’s insinuating that he wants me to kiss him. My brain short circuits at the thought. He’s just standing there with his arms still crossed over his chest and a stupid smile playing across his handsome face. I scoff at his joke, trying not to let on how much it affected me.

“Careful what you wish for, you might end up with a stall of your own,” I jab back. However, keeping him here doesn’t seem like the worst idea in the world.

“Being praised, kissed, and ridden by you? Sounds like these guys are living the dream,” Lando says. My jaw hangs loose as his words hit me like a freight train. Shock courses through me, leaving me beyond speechless. Is he being serious? Who says things like that? I blink at him, unsure of how to continue. I can’t lie and say that the images that popped into my head when he spoke were entirely unpleasant. If he’s being serious, there’s a lot to consider here. I could deny my feelings and spare myself the heartache. Or the alternative, which is letting my emotions get the better of me. This would mean that in a few days after spending time together, I would have to deal with heartbreak and come to terms with the fact that I’ll maybe never see him again. Or maybe I could, if there’s something really here. Maybe I have to give into hope for once. There’s never really been anyone who I’ve put ahead of my goals or dreams. I’ve never been tempted to stray from my path by anyone. Sure, I’ve gone out with guys, had a boyfriend for a while. But if something didn’t line up, I made cuts so my life would fit together how I needed it to. Suddenly now, as I stand here in this stable with a man I met only hours ago, I’m finding myself bending my rules for the first time. I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my whole life.

“Alright, cowboy,” I say while taking a tentative step toward him, I’m ready to play this little game of his. His hands have fallen to his side, so I gently slide my fingers into his. Shining eyes lock onto mine. His tan skin is set aglow by the dying sunrise, highlighting the ridges and curves of his face. I want to memorize every freckle, every line, every corner of him. I’m lost in the way his hand feels around mine and in the way he’s looking at me, and I don’t ever want to find my way out. One of his fingers comes to the front of my hat and pushes the brim up. He draws closer now, his face mere inches from mine. His jaw flexes and his large neck muscles twitch with tension as he dips his head down just enough for his lips to hover over mine.

“We have a fire to get to,” I finish my earlier thought in a whisper. With hooded eyes, I look into his wide ones. Smiling smally, I step away from him. Adjusting my hat back to its original place, I begin walking out the door. Lando is hauled after me with my hand still grasped in his. Giddiness takes me over as I walk hand in hand with him towards the fire pit near the house. My small smile breaks into a much larger one as I pick up my pace, breaking into a jog. Lando’s hand clasps around mine tighter as he adjusts to the new pace. A laugh bubbles from my chest as I bring my free hand to hold onto my hat as I run harder. A sense of carefreeness has corrupted my usual serious disposition. Rarely do I feel as free as I do now. Lando’s lightness has infected me, and I can’t help but fall in love with how it’s buoyed my spirits. It feels like the first hit of a drug; it’s the type of high I’ll be chasing for the rest of my life.

As we approach the house, I can hear Wyatt’s laugh ring out from around the corner to the back. Just as we’re about to turn that last corner, Lando’s arms reach around my waist, stopping me from moving another inch. His chest hits my back with no small amount of force, tossing my hat from my head. I’m bent over in his arms as both of our laughs pull the last threads of air from our tired lungs. He hauls us both upright and my head falls back against his shoulder. I suck in a deep breath of the cool, dusk air. It cools me from the inside out. A feeling stirs deep in my stomach as I stare up into the sky while basking in the feeling of Lando’s arms wrapped around me.

Belonging.

It’s something I’ve been chasing my whole life; a sense of knowing where I belong and who I am. And now I feel as though I’ve finally found it: a home; a place to belong; a knowledge of exactly who I am.

Once we’ve regulated our breathing, I break out of his arms. Leaving them isn’t what I want, and as I pull away, I immediately feel much colder. However, we have to accompany Wyatt and Mitchel before they grow suspicious. Carefully, I pick up my hat, but don’t place it back on my head.

“Are you coming?” I ask quickly, tossing a glance to Lando over my shoulder. He shakes his head with a smile, but follows me around the corner without a word. Wyatt’s eyes find us over the roaring fire he’s built. Mitchel is seated right next to him on a log, a thick blanket spread over their laps. Between the warmth of the fire, the blanket, and the present company, I know that the nighttime chill won’t be able to touch me. As I approach Wyatt, he reaches to the side to pick up another blanket with a couple beers and s’mores supplies stacked on top. I accept it with a quick thank you before plopping down on the log next to them. Lando saunters after me, slowly taking a seat to my right.

“Hold this?” I ask while placing the blanket onto his lap. Gently, I set my hat down behind me, then reach over my shoulder to grab the end of my braid. I pull the elastic from the end and go about undoing the braid.

“So, Lando, how was the ride for you?” Wy asks as he brings his beer to his lips. My eyes are on the fire as he speaks, my mind slipping out of focus for a brief moment while I concentrate on my hair. But I’m aware of the fact that Lando doesn’t answer. When I turn to look at him, I find his eyes already on me, following my fingers as they finish pulling out my braid. I run my fingers through my roots to shake out the nasty hat hair that I undoubtedly have.

“Lando?” Wyatt laughs.

“What?” Lando says as he snaps out of his dazed state. His eyes go wide as they shift over to Wyatt who’s chuckling to himself. A goofy smile breaks across Lando’s face as Wyatt restates his question.

“I think I might have to switch professions,” Lando says, his eyes flicking down to me. The fire is lighting his skin with a warm glow. The flames flash lazily in his glossy eyes.

“I think it would be best for you to stick with McLaren,” I joke while cracking both of our cold beers. With a small smile, I hand over one of the bottles to a slightly offended Lando. Laughing to myself, I nudge his shoulder and click the neck of my beer to his. The liquid is cold and fresh against my lips, sending the perfect chill cascading down into my neck and chest.

“Yeah, mate, I think it’s best if you stay in the cockpit rather than the saddle,” Mitchel adds. “Play to your strengths and all that.”

The cockpit? As in the cockpit of a Formula One car? The realization hits me with all the grace of a drunk elephant. Lando Norris; I recognized his name earlier because Wyatt works as an engineer for a driver named Lando Norris. A Formula One driver named Lando Norris. With wide eyes, I stare forward into the fire. Every possibility that I’ve just dreamt up has suddenly become nothing but a fantasy. My body tenses as it physically revolts against my idiocy and naivety. Reality settles into my bones and I have to chide myself for being so stupid to ignore it for as long as I have. Not only did I ignore it, but I created a work of fiction where maybe we could end up together.

“Shit,” I hear Lando breathe next to me. His face is one I don’t recognize, one of seriousness. For the few hours that I’ve known him, which feel more like years, I haven’t seen him lose that little spark that makes him so him. Now it’s nowhere to be seen. He didn’t want me to know that he was a professional driver, one of the most elite in the whole world. It stings because I don’t understand exactly what his intentions were and it allowed me the space to concoct some seriously messed up notions. There’s no way that anything could happen between us now. It’s hard enough to maintain a friendship of years over an ocean with an engineer; imagine trying to hold together a relationship with a driver across continents and seas that constantly change. However, I can’t justify being angry with him. It is his life to be in the public eye constantly. If he came out here to not be recognized for a while and to be treated like just a normal guy, then who am I to deny him that. I just wish he would have given me the opportunity to do that with knowing who he really is. Now I’m stuck with feelings that I know won’t go away in a hurry and thorough embarrassment.

The rest of the night passes monotonously. Wyatt and Mitchel are wrapped up into their own little world, so they hardly notice the ever eroding gap that suddenly formed between Lando and I. We chat a little, but it’s not the same anymore. Roasting marshmallows has suddenly become my new favorite thing because it gives me an excuse to not look at him. I know that if I do, I’ll start to adore his curly hair and the scar over the bridge of his nose and the way that he looks right into your soul with his pretty eyes. I know that if I dare to look at him, I’ll start to believe in fiction once again. That’s not something I can allow; I won’t be the person who falls in love with the idea of something they can never have.

I won’t be the person that falls for someone they can never have.

Wyatt and Mitchel bid us goodnight before walking hand in hand into the house. Envy flares in my chest, jealousy turning my heart an ugly shade of green. The crackling of the dying fire and the rustling of wind through the grass and trees are the only things that greet my ears. Usually, I would be incredibly fond of this quietness. But now, it simply feels like a life sentence of silence. And once again, as the world turns to night, I feel the loneliness creep in at the edges. The night chill has crept into my fingers and toes, slowly creeping inward.

“I’m sorry,” Lando’s voice is gravelly from lack of use. “I should have…”

“You should have,” I agree. My voice isn’t harsh or condescending, it’s soft, softer than I’ve ever heard it. “I understand, though. I just wish I had known before…”

My voice trails off and gets blown away with the smoke that floats lazily into the atmosphere. Clouds have collected across the sky, cutting the stars from our view. With a melancholy heart, I can’t help but admit how fitting that is. I suppose we really weren’t written in the stars. We are the opposite of destined.

Lando’s hand wraps around my cold fingers, but instead of warming me, it burns. The kiss he leaves on my knuckles feels as though my hand was dipped into the embers of a fire. Blinking back the prick in my eyes from impending tears, I watch his face fall into a frown. I hate the way his eyebrows are creased in the middle and the concern that’s painfully evident in his stubborn eyes. It’s not the look I wanted from him tonight. It’s not the face that’s become my brand new favorite. It’s not Lando.

“How long are you staying for?” I find myself asking. I have to know how long I’ll have to endure his presence. But what’s worse: having him here and knowing I can’t have him, or watching him leave and knowing that I’ll never have him?

“We leave on Monday,” he says. Just for the weekend then. I’ll only have to see him on Monday and then I’ll be free of him. I know he’ll torment me in my sleep, when I see someone walking down the street who looks a little like him, when I look at Luna. I’ll never truly escape him.

“Alright,” I mumble. A beat passes without any more conversation. Then Lando’s hand is slipping under my hair and around the side of my neck. My head turns toward him, his touch unprompted and sending a wave of goosebumps across my skin.

“I’m sorry, but I have to know. Just once and then we can put it away forever. Alright?” He’s closing that gap between us, both physically and emotionally. His face slows as it hovers in front of mine. My breathing has ceased and fear has seized my heart. Is this the right thing to do? Or will it make it worse?

“Alright,” I find myself agreeing without thinking. Maybe I have to know, too, if this is everything I think it is; if this really is everything that I’m losing.

His kiss is light at first, lips just barely brushing mine. It’s soft and gentle as he uses his hand to bring my face closer to his. When his lips are fully on mine, my mind bursts into stars and streams of color. He kisses me with quiet passion, slow and strong. That belonging that I felt when he had his arms around me flares back to life in my chest. His fingers flex under my jaw, holding onto me tighter like he’s scared I’ll slip out of his grip. Which I am. When we break away from our first and last kiss, I feel as we filter through each other’s fingertips. We’re lost now, never to be found.

A crack in my chest sends me to my feet. Tears suddenly blur my vision.

“Goodbye, Lando,” I find myself saying, my words taking every bit of strength I have left. As I turn away from him for the last time, I find myself wishing I'd have said no to his kiss. As I walk away from him for the last time, I know now that I’m losing the one real thing I’ve ever known.

The truth is he isn’t a cowboy like me.

[titaniumions]

i think it's probably somewhat clear that i see isolde and kakania as lesbians (seems to be a common hc anyway) but i think i want to explore how that'd fit into their respective characterizations, not necessarily only from a shipping standpoint. note that this does get into headcanon territory, still i try to keep it as in-character as i can

i think kakania would actually be pretty open about it. in the 1910s?? i mean sure, she's already a controversy as she is ... an arcanist, an uncertified psychiatrist with unconventional methods, an outspoken member of society who stirs up public opinion. might as well give herself one more reason to be a subject of controversy. those who are set on hating her probably have no intention of changing that, so hey, might as well authentically be herself in every possible way including this. among those who have a more positive opinion about her, i do think this would make her somewhat of an icon. she draws other members of the community toward her. she lets them know that she is there for them and will fight for them. that they can turn to her and she will not scrutinize them for it. she'd tell them, no, there is nothing wrong with being this way. it isn't something you need to be "cured" from

in line with this, i think it would make sense for the "circle" to be a queer safe space. in fact, i like to think theophil himself could've been bi and thus would've accepted his sister's sexuality. but due to her own inhibitions (which i will touch upon later) i don't think isolde would ever have told him.

meanwhile for isolde ... i think it's more complicated. having a sexuality outside of the norm would be a deviation from the socially acceptable definition of the "perfect noble" she tries to be. so even if she were to ever consider it, she would simply end up pushing those thoughts away. no, not a chance. this shouldn't bother her at all. she's supposed to be perfect, yet she already has enough problems in her life as a member of the dittarsdorf family. considering the possibility of herself being anything but straight would lead to more problems, wouldn't it? and that's the last thing she needs. nonetheless she's ... never been attracted to a man either. but she tries not to think too much of it. maybe she just needs to wait it out. or so she tells herself

now to piece it all together ... i do really like the idea of kakania being her ... awakening. in fact i think it would make a lot of sense for her story, what with kakania being the metaphorical key to the doors that have always surrounded and confined isolde ... so hear me out. when isolde started associating with her and the circle she realized that it felt far less suffocating than ... pretty much any other aspect of her life. it's like a breath of fresh air. kakania in particular would fascinate isolde, in a way that makes isolde question things about herself. perhaps she even comes close to having a realization. but again, isolde remembers who she needs to be, and stops herself short.

eventually though, she would learn what kind of person kakania is, and what she believes in and fights for. this only deepens isolde's admiration further and she finally comes to a point of acceptance about her feelings. alright. i can accept this realization now. she no longer pushes it to the back of her mind. there's still a bit of repression and shame left in there but meeting someone who has not only awakened her, but also wouldn't judge her for it, has changed something within her entirely. the feelings overflow and she can deny it no longer. but again, at the end of the day she still needs to be perfect and socially acceptable. she can't just ... exist as freely as kakania does. but it's alright, isolde has feigned compliance for so long regardless of however difficult it might be. putting up with expectations has been a regular part of her life. so there it is, something authentic about this actor that she can't show to anyone else because it doesn't fit the part that she's supposed to play. kakania is allowed to know though, of course she is. it can just be their little secret. and one way or another, she'll figure out how isolde feels toward her. surely kakania would be quite honored to be on the receiving end of the affection of such a wonderful lady. as long as this affection doesn't eventually turn into a catalyst for destruction, right ...

[definitelynotindecisive]

So I found you through your batfam/Spiderman fic and I was wondering if you could make a rec list?

Hey there! Thank you for checking out my blog and for reading my fic! I love seeing that you've commented on a chapter in my inbox.

As far as a rec list goes, I've never actually written one before. But I assume you want ones that are specifically spider-man/batman crossovers?

It's a whole new way of looking at [daddy issues] by spaghettiash: This a series of two little one-shots that I absolutely loved. It's another Peter gets transported to the DC universe with Dick Grayson looking exactly like Richard Parker. Love this one.

Help Me, I Don't Feel Like Myself Anymore by Astra_Nova_Kat: This fic was amazing, this was my bookmark comment exactly "I need this, I need this like I need oxygen, like I need love. This is so well written, I could cry. I need it injected into my veins and tattooed on the inside of my eyelids, omg." Again, much like the one above, Peter is transported into the DCU and stumbles across alternate versions of Richard Parker and Ben Parker. I loved it.

Aunt May and the Justice League by Anonymous: This fic is great, if you love the idea of Aunt May being kick ass and -fade to black- sleeping her way through the Justice League in a super classy way, and being such a supportive mum to her dear nephew Peter in the DCU. Very much open relationships, though the main plot doesn't really start to kick in until a few chapters in.

Green, through and through by another_fucking_robin: I love this one, particularly because it's trans Peter Parker. There just aren't enough of them, and when it's well written, it plucks at my heart strings. Plus, the Lazarus Pit is an ally, and I love that for them. This fic just starts off so good, I was in love with it from chapter one.

rot with all the burnouts in the cell by magnuschases: This fic is really entertaining. Like, Dick Grayson, you are the father! And Peter's responses were just great. Awkward grandpa!Bruce will always have my heart.

Singing In My Blood by LialeeEderian: This one is cute. Peter literally falls into Dick Grayson's life. Dick Grayson is clearly his alternate universe dad, and everyone can see it.

a shining spider web by Selador: an alternate spin off of Dark Matter by mysterycyclone. In this fic, the nice guy on the subway that gives him sunglasses during his migraine, clearly Jason Todd, takes him home and adopts him. Very cute and sweet.

Homesick by NotSoSweetHeh: I adore this fic. Peter convinces the Batfam that he's actually an alien, rather than a dimension traveller. Seems easier to him, that way. And it is very easy for him to pull off.

Harry Potter and the Great Custody Battle by dajgen: Okay, say what you will about JKR, she's TERF piece of shit and I hate her. However, I do not hate Dajgen and their work (that would make me a hypocrite, considering my work Wildflowers in the Spring, with is also a HP/DC crossover). Controversial to add a HP related fic, but I feel like I should add it anyway, because I genuinely enjoyed it. It's basically a fic where Harry is related to both Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne. Harry needs them to get out of the Triwizard Tournament. So, a threeway crossover. I won't give anymore spoilers, should you choose to read it.

I hope you liked my picks, I've never actually made one of these before, so I hope I did it right 😅 feel free to hit me up if you want to share your thoughts about my recommendations. I tried to pick fics that were in a similar vein to mine, since I wasn't sure exactly what you were looking for. Thank you for this ask, it was really fun putting this list together! Shout out to all these very talented writers. There's plenty more, but I don't want to inundate you. If you want more recommendations at a later date, feel free to ask me again 💕💕

[absintheandtextbooks]

Ok so I haven’t posted like a proper potentially controversial deep dive here but I need to say some things about this season of Bridgerton. Before I do here are some qualifiers

1. I am not plus size but I am on the chubby end and wear typically a size large.

2. I come from a long line of people who are plus size

3. I think every comment about Nicola’s weight besides the ones she chose to make without pressure to make them are just simply not our business and pretty shitty

4. I want this to be a discussion this is not a hill I need to die on but I think peoples opinions can change and two things can be true.

Ok here we go buckle up

I was incredibly excited when I saw that the new season of Bridgerton was going to have Polin. It actually is what got me to start watching it in the first place, however I noticed a couple things with “the discourse” happening around the show.

Firstly, people were really excited to see a larger actress as a romantic lead which I agree is fantastic! The second is that these same people were very vocal about the height difference between the two of them. In fact how “tiny” she was in comparison was brought up a lot. I’m sure if this post has stumbled across your page a bunch of those did too.

Like some of the comment pieces on the above Forbes article mention, the media seems to have an allergy to “mixed weight” relationships when the woman is heavier-set or bigger in general than the man. What we talk about less is that height is also a factor. Society doesn’t just want women to be thin, it wasn’t them to be small.

I don’t mean to write about this in a “the tall girl movie from Netflix cringe way” but I think there is a nuanced discussion to be had about how we want women to take up less space and how femininity is tied to being small and delicate.

To me, a 5’ 6” ish queer person I’ve been taller than a lot of girls I’m friends with and a bunch of the men and enby or trans people I know. That, personally, has always made me feel bigger and ganglier and less feminine than the other femme presenting people I’m around. I get automatically stuck in a different category. Gaining weight, however, intensified this feeling. It feels as if I am perceived differently because of the combination of these two factors not just each on their own. Everything around us says it’s ok to be tall if you’re super thin and it’s ok (but less ok than being tall and thin) to be bigger if you’re short and dainty. It feels very conciliatory and condescending like a woman can’t take up space if she wants to be loved.

In Bridgerton, the conversations circling Nicola’s weight and height like vultures prey on this idea. It’s not acceptable just because she’s not sample size and that should be normal but because she’s little next to him even when she’s bigger. She can be a romantic lead because the man they show her to be in a relationship with is still bigger and stronger in different ways.

This also puts pressure on masc presenting people too. They need to be taller and often bigger to be accepted as “masculine or manly” which is its own problem I don’t feel as qualified to write about.

I’m sure this has its own complications for people who are non-binary or trans but I just needed to get this out there because it’s been BUGGING me.

Cheers,

Absinthe

[astralis-is-typing]

Stray kids family as an actual family

⚝fic type: headcannon (comedy/crack)

⚝genre/contains: a rundown of the kinds of relatives you will encounter at a typical family gathering, except it’s stray kids

⚝word count: 1.5k

⚝A/N: hi hi! if you’ve ever been to a large family gathering you’ll probably relate to one of these, no matter where you're from haha. did these from jeongin -> chan instead of the usual order to spice things up (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠) p.s: this is just for giggles so don't take it too seriously. enjoy!

｡Yang Jeongin*ﾟ

Grandma Jeongin has two modes, and she will be interrogating you either way.

Most of the time she’s talking about other family members while she cooks or cleans up the kitchen. Jeongin knows who is most likely to get married next, who will never get married, who’s about to get a divorce and even which of your cousins is at loggerheads with their respective bosses.

Whether she ends up being right about her crazy notions or not, she does not care. Jeongin will always have something to talk about, no matter how controversial it may be.

If you’re in the kitchen, then it seems you must automatically join in on these speculations. Better play it up, because it’ll distract her from putting you on dish duty- and get you early access to whatever she’s cooking up (a storm piece of cake).

“Help your grandmother,” she’ll grumble, if she figures she won’t get much out of you. “Kids these days. When I was your age I didn’t have to be asked. You’ll never find a spouse with this behaviour.”

At other times, your favourite granny is sweet once she’s been sated by her 4th cup of tea. Or a cup of soda, on days she’s feeling ‘adventurous and bold’. Jeongin will spontaneously call you over and ask you who your girlfriend or boyfriend is now. Jeongin wants to know what you’ve been doing with your whole life, but all in good faith haha.

Grandma Jeongin will also be commenting on your fashion choices and giving you rather outdated skincare tips on how to age gracefully like her.

｡Kim Seungmin*ﾟ

The cousin you’re always being compared to, academically or otherwise. Seungmin is 100% that overachiever who is constantly being praised by all your uncles and aunts who think the world of him.

It’s hard not to be jealous or annoyed when your parents compare you to your genius cousin and ask you unbelievable questions. “Why can’t you get A’s like Seungmin?”

No matter what you’ve done in your life, it seems Seungmin has outdone you lmao. He’s the golden child who can do no wrong and you just have to live with it.

In spite of the pressure to be perfect, Seungmin is still really fun to be around. He’ll also do your homework/projects for you if you ask nicely enough.

(Who are we kidding, this is Kim Seungmin. You’ll probably have to cough up some cash haha.)

｡Lee Felix*ﾟ

The fun cousin. Now, one person like this is enough to survive a family gathering.

Felix is the cousin who you need to show up. He’s the person who actually makes family gatherings tolerable. Like, if Felix doesn’t pull up then everyone is kind of bored.

He’s everyone’s favourite cousin; you can count on him to make those boring dinners interesting, and be your crime partner in the event you and your cousins plan to sneak out- distracting you guys’ parents with detailed stories of how he managed to win 63 medals in ‘taekwondaur’.

He’s the adults’ favourite, too. When you were children, and needed to send someone to ask for permission to game/watch TV, he was for sure the one appointed- because no one can say no to him.

When your grandmother is interrogating you and you can’t think of an exit plan, this cousin will charmingly swoop in and save your ass.In any kind of familial sticky situation, Felix has got your back.

｡Han Jisung*ﾟ

Han was probably forced to come lmfao. He was most likely threatened by his parents because they’re tired of being asked where their son is and why he won’t visit.

Jisung is that relative you see once in a blue moon. You’re not quite sure what side of the family he’s from, but you are somehow related. You barely know anything about this guy- what he does for a living, or if he’s been to college… Han Jisung is quite the mystery.

He’s the person that shows up late, leaves early, and is really just there for the food. You don’t really blame him, though; family gatherings can be exhausting. It’s understandable that some people would rather just bypass as many of them as possible.

Your other relatives will call him antisocial because he’s mostly on his phone, but he’s really just trying to avoid being spotted (and probed) by Grandma Jeongin- or Auntie Lee Know, who you’ll meet further down this post haha. Someone like Felix might manage to rope him into making conversation here and there, but Jisung’s interest widely remains at large.

Jisung disappears from the feast as quietly as he came in, and it takes a while for anyone to notice his absence. With his ability to remain evasive, Han might as well be a spy bahah.

｡Hwang Hyunjin*ﾟ

The rich aunt who lives abroad and only comes to visit every three or four years. All the kids love her because she comes loaded with presents for everyone. She’s super fun to be around because she’s got this carefree nature that’s simply infectious. Hyunjin just oozes rich auntie vibes. I mean, did you see him in that 5-star trailer?! Definitely the one who’s been supplying Grandma Jeongin with her collection of eccentric footwear.

Since she’s not around much she doesn’t know what you like, and will give you enough money to buy yourself something nice. Aunt Hyunjin will also come through for you in any financial trial you might be going through. You need a new computer? She’s on it. Rent is due and you’re in a tight spot? Aunt Hyunie to the rescue!

Of course, quality family time cannot be substituted with money, no matter the amount. But hey, if Hyunjin wants to slap a fat wad of cash in your hand, you’re not complaining…

｡Seo Changbin*ﾟ

The relative who can’t stop gushing over how big you’ve grown. Whether you’re 15 or 28, you’ll have to endure his speculations over how it was ‘just the other day’ when he was changing your diapers, and look at you now. Once he’s had a drink or two, Changbin does not hesitate to dish out super embarrassing stories of you as a child.

Nevertheless, Changbin is really fun to be around. He’s present at most family gatherings and more or less keeps them happening.

Changbin is also that uncle who’s trying to help everyone get their lives in order lmfao. You’d easily mistake him for a life coach or fitness guru with the way he’s spewing out tips on how to live a healthier lifestyle every 15 minutes. His advice is valid, sure, but you’re really just trying to enjoy your food, you know?

“You shouldn’t be drinking that. Don’t you know coca cola can be used as a toilet cleaner?! And you’re still willingly ingesting it…” He’d say, shaking his head in disappointment.

｡Lee Know*ﾟ

The nosy aunt.

Auntie Lee Know will sidle up to you with an offering of cookies or potato chips while she not-so-subtly pries into your dating life. Given the chance, she can turn any encounter you have into the possible beginning of a romantic trope. You tell her someone was glaring at you on the bus? Strangers to lovers. Your classmate keeps gloating over the fact that they beat you in a recent exam? Academic rivals to lovers.

For all its worth, Auntie Lee Know is a fantastic cook and the thought of her beef wellington gets you through most interrogations.

If Auntie Lee Know isn’t grilling you, then she is most definitely gossiping in the kitchen with Granny Jeongin about you and everyone else. Those two are a force to reckon with when put together. And there is really no escaping them when they get their hands on you. Like, you literally can never win, this auntie wants to know it all.

Auntie Lee Know also acts as the kitchen’s bodyguard, keeping out hungry relatives (mostly her brother, Changbin) until Jeongin is done cooking. Beware, she’s armed with a wooden spoon and she sure as hell knows how to use it!

｡Bang Chan*ﾟ

That foive-year-old kid you find sleeping in your bed when you sneak away to your room for some quiet time.

If you’ve ever hosted a family gathering at your house, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Sometimes you just need a moment to pull away from everything, and what better solace than your bedroom? Of course, you do not expect to find someone’s kid lying on your bed, and drooling on your pillow.

Going back into the fray to enquire who’s baby it is would only beat the purpose of your sneaking away, and additionally show your room to unnecessary people who might decide it’s the perfect place to lay down their babies too!

And you are not trying to run a day-care here.

Chan would also be that one kid who keeps asking if you have games on your phone. RIP your peace of mind if he finds out you’ve got Pokémon on there.

You can’t find it in you to get mad at him, though. After all, it’s not his fault that his slightly irresponsible parents left him in your room.

⚝A/N: Thank you for reading! As a present for making it to the end, here’s visual proof of Lee Know being the nosy aunt that he is jksbdiskancdg 💀 I hope they film skz family 3 this year, sigh... need to know if Chan is secretly Seungmin's son. Anyways, remember to reblog and share your thoughts with me if you enjoyed ʕ⁠ノ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠ノ

[fanfic-inator795]

SPOILERS FOR “THE END”

Okay so, much like the ending of Amphibia, I’m sure this ending’s gonna be controversial for some people for being so bittersweet and for it also ending with the two BFFs splitting seemingly forever… but honestly? I fucking loved it.

While the penultimate ep felt slightly rushed and just a tad unsatisfying due to all they had to cram in and wrap up, I love that this show’s finale was ultimately focused on just Molly, Scratch, and the latter’s series-wide arc of changing for the better and “being brought back to life”, as the TGAMM show bible put it.

Having believed in the Wraith feeling since the start, I was afraid that the Todd reveal would feel rushed given that the crew lost the 3rd season of set-up they wanted, but thankfully it managed to feel fairly natural since - while Todd himself may have been a more subtle hint that you’d only notice if you were paying attention- again, Scratch’s arc and the clear changes we see from him are made known throughout the series. So by the time you finally get to the big payoff, it feels like a natural conclusion.

For all the info dumps we got, I also felt like the ep was pretty well paced as well, still having jokes that made me laugh so it never felt too heavy or melodramatic. I also love that all the major characters in Scratch’s life got to play a role in this one final adventure. I also love that - for as important of a role that Adia played in helping Scratch regain his memories - it wasn’t framed as Scratch choosing his old BFF over his new BFF, but simply Scratch choosing to be brave and live the life he always wanted deep down instead of continuing to run away/hold himself back.

As for what could be seen as the Most controversial bit - Scratch forgetting his time as a ‘ghost’ - I feel like this was incredibly well crafted too. Like anything else in TGAMM (and as Molly herself says) there’s still that spark of hope hinting at Scratch still remembering Molly and the impact she had on him. He’s going to live with those memories and the importance she gave to enhappifying in his heart, even when he doesn’t consciously remember these things.

What’s more, the show also subtly but beautifully emphasizes that even if Scratch won’t fully remember Molly and the others until he’s officially died, the time he spent and the things he did for others as a ghost still mattered - they’re still going to be remembered by Molly, the McGees and their friends, and I LOVE how they also brought back Scratch’s silly toboggan-sneeze curse as just another way a part of ghost-him is going to stick with all of them no matter what - no matter how far apart they are.

While I would have liked one final song (which, I guess we arguably did get that in the credits) I also feel like ending the show on Libby’s Maya Angelou quote was the perfect summation on the show’s core themes - to not just do good for others, but for yourself. To live your best and happiest life.

In my opinion, this truly was just a master class in satisfying series finales. We didn’t need any big final battles or a ton more drama, just one last beautiful character piece that isn’t afraid to be somewhat bittersweet in order to fully sell its message while also still being just as fun and enjoyable and lovely as the rest of the series.

Really, the only thing that makes me kinda sad is that Scratch never said goodbye to GhostShark - but hey, he’ll see him again eventually, and honestly my hc is that the Jeoffs are taking care of Sharkie for him in the meantime. Other than that, this was a 10/10 finale for me, absolutely no notes.

Now… obviously this was the finale that the TGAMM crew was always leading up to, I assume once they realized that they weren’t getting a s3 they asked Disney to give them one final ep to wrap things up. If that wasn’t the case though and this was always meant to be the s2 finale, I guess s3 would be about Todd slowly remembering his life as Scratch and eventually coming back to Brighton alongside Adia to help Molly stop Jinx’s revenge or whatever. But… eh, I personally don’t think that’s needed.

I think the show ended perfectly, leaving just enough ambiguous for fans to still imagine how Molly and Scratch’s adventures are going to continue one day while at the same time being super satisfying - probably the best series finale that we’ve seen out of any modern Disney cartoon.

[hopefuloverfury]

I always get so sad when I think about the bachelors and bachelorttes not being able to achieve their dreams :( so how do you think the game would be different if they had? like before they meet the farmer? (i love your writing by the way,,,)

While I was thinking about this, the main question in my head was “Why would any of them still be in Pelican Town if they achieved their dreams?” Sooo I had to put them through some bullshit to get them all in one place lmao. Thank you for enjoying my writing, it means... way more than any of you probably realize. Anyway, this was fun to think about, and I hope you have fun reading it! <3

Mentions of parental death, abuse, infidelity, dysfunctional familial relationships, and reference to Leah’s shitty ex (FUCK YOU, KEL!)

Sam was the lead singer of his own band, but is now struggling to find his new normal after the members decided to go their separate ways. It certainly doesn’t help that they ended on negative terms, and their fanbase has become fractured due to the controversy surrounding the break-up. Sam has come back to Pelican Town to spend time with his family and figure out which direction he wants to take his career, but his band-mates said ill-intended things about him before they broke up, and he’s struggling to make amends with his perception of himself. He tries to write new songs, but he isn’t liking anything he’s come up with, and it’s reflecting poorly on his self-esteem. He wonders if his fans will still be there waiting once he’s ready to release his solo-music, and is paralyzed with fear about what will happen to him and his career if they aren’t.

Sebastian is a professional coder. He saved up enough money to move away as soon as he turned eighteen, and has only visited for holidays since. He was previously engaged while living in the city, but after his fiancé cheated on him with a coworker, he returned to Pelican Town to pick up the pieces of his heart. During his time away he managed to check himself into therapy, so he’s well-equipped to handle conflicts with his family, and his relationship with his mother and sister have improved dramatically since, which is really nice. He is trying his best to pursue a healthier relationship with Demetrius, but the man really doesn’t make it easy. Robin also added an extension to the house, so he doesn’t live in the basement anymore. His room has a window now, but he still prefers the rain, and discovers with surprise that he likes the rain in Pelican Town more than he ever did in the city. It’s nice to see the frogs again.

Alex is a professional gridball player. His mother passed away before she could see him achieve his dreams, but his father has contacted him many times. Alex knows his father doesn’t actually want a relationship with him, though, because the only times he’s contacted him is to ask for money. Alex blocks his dad’s number after catching sight of him on the news, trying to drag Alex's name through the mud, but eventually moves away when his dad breaks into his apartment and wrecks the place. He settles back into his bedroom at Evelyn and George’s house, and tries not to feel too drained by the legal proceedings. It’s pretty relaxing though, going back home during his off-season. Not to mention he really missed the summers in Pelican Town.

Elliott is a reputable author. He’s written a trilogy or two, a smattering of stand-alone novels, and even has a few broadway credits. But after years of constantly writing, he’s burnt out and tired, and needs a break, so he moves out of his stuffy apartment in the city and into the cabin on the beach. He commissions Robin for expansions and repairs, and it’s turned into quite a nice place, if he should be so bold to say so. He talks to Willy a lot, and after hearing the stories the fisherman has collected over the years, he kind of wants to write a book about pirates or some other kind of adventurer, but nothing is coming to mind. He’s got an excess of inspiration and drive, but the moment his pen hits the paper, his mind goes blank. It’s incredibly irritating.

Shane is one of the most notable film directors of the last decade, and he’s got quite a number of credits under his belt. His IMDb page is massive, and while he doesn’t get recognized on the street very often, anyone who knows anything about film will know his name. He moved to Pelican Town with Jas after the death of her parents. Riddled with grief, he had the presence of mind to recognize some bad habits were developing, and he couldn’t really handle the pressure of celebrity life anymore. He drinks occasionally, but he doesn’t consider himself an alcoholic. He only drinks a few times a week—and compared to his colleagues in the city—that’s nothing.

Harvey is an experienced pilot. He initially wanted to join the Ferngill Republic Air Force, but after many discussions with his parents, he decided to pursue an ATP certification and become an airline pilot instead. However, due to the recent trauma of a severe crash, Harvey is taking a break from flying. He’s become intensely afraid of heights, and the thought of getting in a plane makes him physically sick to his stomach. He’s been working on it, but it’s already been a year, and he’s not any closer to being back in the pilot’s chair. What’s wrong with him?

Maru went to university to pursue a career in STEM, but was quickly disillusioned and decided it wasn’t for her, so she decided to switch gears and abandon her dream school. Robin understood after a short explanation and told her to come back home, but Maru’s relationship with her father has become strained since, and even though they regularly experiment in the lab together, it causes some unnecessary drama in the household. Maru tries not to let it get to her too much, but it does. More positively though, her relationship with Sebastian has improved since they both came home, and they can actually hold a conversation without getting irritated at each other. She likes hanging out with her brother, but wishes that they could've gotten along like this as kids, too. They have a lot of years to catch up on!

Penny was a stay-at-home-mom up until a few months ago, when her partner suddenly decided domestic life wasn’t for them, and yanked the rug out from under her. With nowhere to go and no employment, she trudged back to Pelican Town with her tail between her legs and a toddler on her hip, to move back in with her mother. She teaches Vincent and Jas regularly, and works as a private tutor for a few clients in the town over. Pam chose to take on the majority of childcare for her grandchild, but she’s excelling at it and hasn’t stepped foot in the saloon in a long time. It should be a great thing, but Penny doesn’t know why she’s so bothered by it.

Abigail is an active member of the adventurer’s guild, a highly skilled swordswoman, and she will occasionally dabble with the magical forces of Stardew Valley under the careful guidance of her mentor, Rasmodius. Yes, she knows. No, she doesn’t mention it, and neither does he. She doesn’t live with her parents anymore. When she was looking to move out, she asked to buy the deed to the old farm, but was quickly shot down by Lewis, and decided instead to claim the decrepit cabin south of Rasmodius’ tower. Robin helped her fix it up, and after a few months, it was in good enough repair to move in permanently. She spends most of her days down in the mines, clearing the monsters on the lower floors. She’s never gone past level 20, if only to save herself from her mother’s tearful begging, but Pierre has given up. They don’t speak much.

Haley is a prolific photographer. Her portfolio is hefty, some photos dating back from when she was in high school, but the most recent picture is from three months ago, and she hasn’t picked up her camera since. She doesn’t know why, but nothing looks interesting enough to shoot anymore. The world looks flat and dull, but maybe that’s just the city. When her parents ask her and her sister to watch their house in Pelican Town while they galavant through the archipelago on some “soul-searching-journey,” she accepts without preamble. Maybe she just needs a change of scenery to get her inspiration back. Maybe she’ll find her muse?

Leah is a revered artist, and many of her pieces are in museums and art galleries. She tries to live in the city, but quickly realizes that she hates it, and after a few misses, she moves to Pelican Town. The lush flora and fauna kick her inspiration into overdrive, and with the amount of foraged greens she’s been eating since moving into the cabin next to Marnie’s, she doesn’t think she’s ever felt so good. Unfortunately her ex Kel is determined to sniff her out, and that puts a damper on her shiny new life in Pelican Town. She wishes it was because they actually loved her, but she knows it’s only because they miss the luxurious life Leah’s job afforded them. She tries not to think too hard about that, though.

Emily is a fashion designer! She’s had plenty of shows during different fashion weeks and other events, and many name-brands have collaborated with her. She does do stylist work on the side, and many of her clients are a-list celebrities or high profile professionals. She prefers the countryside, though, so when her parents offered her and her sister their place in Pelican Town, she jumped at the opportunity! Only thing is, it’s been years since her and Haley have occupied the same space, and every resident in town has a dark cloud of thick negative energy hovering over their heads. She’s overwhelmed with guilt, knowing she can’t do anything to help.

[feminist-cult-following]

ranking each song on ttpd: the anthology by how lesbian I interpret them as

1. guilty as sin — literally so lesbian. the yearning, the fantasizing, the pining, the insane amount of religious imagery? “what if the way you hold me is actually what’s holy?” “I choose you and me religiously?” I SAW GAY SO I SAID GAY !!

2. but daddy I love him — the word “him” in the title be damned this is one of the most lesbian songs her in whole discography. the romance being forbidden by the whole town is enough for me. I’m just picturing two women in the south who are deeply in love but stuck in a small, conservative town. so so good and so so lesbian

3. fresh out the slammer — I always listen to this from the perspective of a woman who once struggled with internalized homophobia and forced herself into a relationship with a man. once she’s able to accept herself she goes back to her true love. I like to think to it as a sort of sequel to the way I loved you

4. the tortured poets department — I’m not even a gaylor but this song will always be about phoebe bridgers in my mind (just jokes people). but seriously this song is so gay. the title of tortured poets is reserved for lesbians

5. the bolter — for the girlies who dated men before realizing they were a lesbian and always found themselves sabotaging the relationship without knowing why

6. down bad — this is about your first lesbian heartbreak. the one that feels shifted your entire world off its axis and changed you forever. the heartbreak is one you never get over.

7. the prophecy — whatever you do, don’t think about this from the perspective of either a young girl or an older woman who’s too afraid to come out and fears she’ll never find love. it’ll shatter your heart into a million tiny pieces

8. who’s afraid of little old me? — I love to think of this song from the perspective of a deeply repressed woman with religious trauma that just came out. she grew up being taught who she was was a sin and all of these feelings of rage and resentment have been bubbling up in her for years. it makes for a very cathartic listening experience

9. the alchemy — okay okay hear me out. I will defend this placement with my life! is it about a man who plays football, arguably the most heterosexual sport there is? yes. but you have to get creative with it. think cheerleader and basketball player who aren’t supposed to be together but can’t fight their feelings! “who are we to fight the alchemy?” is one of the gayest lines she’s ever written and I will die on this hill!

10. peter — the fact that it’s named after a dude doesn’t change the fact that this always makes me think of a girl singing to her closeted ex lover. the yearning, the pining, it’s very lesbian

11. I hate it here — really gay if you interpret the secret gardens, lunar valleys, and inner romanticism through a lesbian lens

12. look in people’s windows — another one that’s really only just because I played it on repeat in my breakup era

13. imgonnagetyouback — this is so that one ex you can’t stay away from because she changed your whole life. it’s about that girl who’s like a drug (and it’s how I manifested my ex back)

14. thanK you aIMee — potentially controversial spot in the ranking but if you think about it as a woman singing to her ex homoerotic friendship it makes sense

15. florida!!! — any collab taylor does with a woman automatically earns lesbians points idc what it’s about

16 the black dog — not overtly gay but this one was on repeat during my breakup era so it will always be gay to me

17. the albatross — this one vaguely gives me lesbian vibes if you interpret it as the narrator speaking to her closeted lover

18. chloe or sam or sophia or marcus— this one is more of a treat for our bisexuals!! lesbians love you mwah !

19. cassandra — the vibes are there but not enough for me to justify putting it above any of the other songs

20. fortnight — as much as I would love to defend this as a lesbian song the lyric “my husband is cheating” and the post malone feature make that hard to do

21. loml — a heartbreakingly beautiful song but not very lesbian

22. the smallest man who ever lived — even though I think of my ex when I listen to this it still has the word man in the title which knocks it down by many lesbian points

23. my boy only breaks his favorite toys — “boy” in the title unfortunately makes this drop a lot of spots

24. so high school — absolute banger but very straight

25. how did it end? — beautiful song but there’s definitely gayer stuff on this album

26. so long, london — all I can think about is joebless when I hear this so no lesbian points for yogurt boy

27. I can do it with a broken heart — this is more girlhood than lesbianism

28. the manuscript — great but very heterosexual I fear

29. I can fix him (no really I can) — this is practically the straight woman’s national anthem

30. clara bow — also not lesbian, but definitely the album’s most underrated song

31. robin — not lesbian at all, but cute song!

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 15: Management

Yoongi has no idea one of their managers witnessed him being carried out to Jin’s car by the other members at the party. None of them have any idea that that manager immediately began doing his own investigation. It didn’t take long for him to put the pieces together and realize that Yoongi has a problem and that it’s been going longer than they expected.

Manager Seo Dojoon was the one who witnessed Yoongi’s condition the night of the party. He, like everyone else, knows Yoongi enjoys having a drink, so the times Yoongi asked for a bottle of something he thought nothing of it. Then he talked with another manager who mentioned getting alcohol for Yoongi as well. Once a third manager chimed in with the same story, Dojoon decided a meeting with all 8 managers needed to be held.

It didn’t take much for them to gather more than enough evidence of Yoongi’s drinking problem. They compiled receipts of all of the drinks Yoongi requested and it was clear he had a problem. There were days where Yoongi would ask for a large bottle of whiskey from one manager and then ask another for a bottle of gin that same day, then request tequila the same evening from a third manager.

The discussion then turned to Yoongi’s behavior while on tour. Though he seemed perfectly fine during this recent comeback, they couldn’t ignore the tour. One manager mentioned Jin asking for Yoongi’s room key one night. Another night Namjoon asked another manager for his room key. If Yoongi looked unwell or distant one of the members always had a story or excuse to give the managers, which further let them know that the members are all aware of what’s going on. They’ve been aware, they’ve been hiding it, and now their managers feel it’s time to discuss it with them.

Hyeri couldn’t miss another day of work, so after spending a day comforting Yoongi she was right back at work the next day. Meanwhile, the rest of the guys have been summoned to a meeting with management. It takes no time for them to notice Yoongi’s absence and realize they can’t hide Yoongi’s habit any longer.

The meeting went on for two hours with each of them explaining Yoongi’s situation. They all said they didn’t know just how much Yoongi had been drinking, but they were sure it was a lot. They were shocked to see all of the alcohol purchases the managers made for him. A lot doesn’t even begin to describe it, and they all start to seriously fear for his health. Being clean throughout their comeback seemed promising, but his relapse the other night along with the bottle of wine he had the following night, makes them feel it’s time to finally get him some help. Real professional help that they can’t provide.

The good thing is that they’re done with their comeback so Yoongi can take his time to recover well. Any other projects he has can be put on hold for now. The hard part is deciding on a plan for him that will be effective and most importantly low key. Sending him to a regular rehab facility where the public could possibly find out about this is out of the question. But he needs to go somewhere. Home is too tempting.

Home is very tempting. Yoongi has hardly moved since he woke up. He got up to eat the breakfast Hyeri left for him then crawled back into bed. He stayed there awhile stuck in his head. Stuck in his head is the last place he needs to be, though.

By noon, he’s already returning home from a quick trip to a nearby store for soju. He only got one small bottle, but he knows he shouldn’t have gotten anything at all. He should have never went out in the first place.

As if he wasn’t already filled with guilt and self loathing, he receives a message from one of the managers that they’re having a meeting with the group and he’ll be by to pick up Yoongi shortly. Yoongi couldn’t decline, even though by now he’s already finished the bottle of soju and his head is swimming.

He rolls off the couch and tries to quickly get himself ready. He tells Hyeri about the meeting and admits to her that he’s had soju. He then assured her that he would be fine because a manager is picking him up so he won’t be driving. He goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth, rinse with mouthwash, and try hiding his red puffy eyes with eye drops and an ice pack from the freezer.

After the discussion the managers and other members had, they felt it was time to bring Yoongi in to talk to him. They were afraid that he may have already started drinking so calling him in suddenly could go wrong for many reasons. They also didn’t want Yoongi to have his car which would give him the opportunity to stop by a liquor store on his way there or back. One of the managers took it upon himself to pick Yoongi up to avoid any issues.

Yoongi has no idea what’s going on. When he got into the manager’s car he asked if everything was ok since it’s not usual for them to have a sudden meeting like this. The manager only told him they would discuss with everyone when they arrive.

When they get to the office and arrive in the meeting room, Yoongi is surprised to see everyone is already there. Everyone looks like they’ve been there for some time too. When he sits down between Jin and Namjoon he can feel the tension in the air. Now he’s nervous and his mind is going through a million different things that this could be about.

“Yoongi,” Dojoon starts. “We called this meeting because we have noticed something that we feel needs to be addressed and resolved immediately.”

Those words are daunting, and the way everyone else is avoiding Yoongi’s gaze gives him an idea what this is about to turn into. Management has caught wind of his drinking and now he’s fucked.

“It seems your drinking has gotten excessive and we’re afraid for both your ability to continue performing with the group and your health,” Dojoon continues. “We have records of all of your alcohol purchases that you’ve requested from us on the management team, as well as statements from your members who have witnessed various incidents during the world tour that were direct results of your drinking.”

Yoongi’s heart drops. He didn’t want it to come to this. He thought his brothers were there to support him, not rat him out. Yet here he is listening to everything he had gotten into during the tour and after. They know the why, they know most of the when, and they know some of the how. After a few minutes Yoongi is just wishing Dojoon would stop talking because he can’t stand to hear any more. He knows he’s fucked up. He’s been fucked up. He’s fucked up right now.

At the end of detailing all of their evidence, Dojoon opens the room for the members to say anything else they feel needs to be said. Yoongi doesn’t want them to. He wants to run away. He hopes that no one has anything to say, but they do. The moment Jimin starts speaking, Yoongi knows he’s in the middle of a full on intervention and all he wants to do is run and hide.

At the end of everyone’s comments, Yoongi breaks down and cries. It’s all too much for him, and still being under the influence of soju makes this even harder. He pleads for everyone’s forgiveness. He explains that he thought he could stop on his own but it’s hard. He tries to tell them that he’s been good since they got back from tour and only had his little slip up at the party. It may be a setback, but he assures it’s only a small one.

“You know it’s a slippery slope, Hyung,” Jimin says. “You even had a bottle of wine the next day.”

“I-“ Yoongi hesitates realizing that Hyeri would be the only reason why they would know that. “I know I shouldn’t have had that bottle, but it’s really not as bad as before. I know I worried you all during the tour but I’m much better now. I slipped up, but I’m back on the right track. I was clean the entire comeback.”

“Hyung,” Namjoon says. “Did you drink today?”

“What?” Yoongi asks trying to play dumb.

“I can smell alcohol on you,” Namjoon says.

Everyone else looks surprised and very disappointed. No one could smell it, but once Yoongi started talking Namjoon could smell the soju on his breath along with his mint flavored attempts to hide it. Jin smelled it too. They had Yoongi sit in that seat because everyone agreed that if he had drank today those two would be the ones to notice faster than anyone else.

“What?” Yoongi repeats having no more excuses to give.

“I smell it too, Yoongi,” Jin says.

The managers look at each other and Dojoon nods. The varying looks of disappointment is burning Yoongi from the inside out.

“Yoongi,” Dojoon says. “We’ve arranged a treatment plan for you.”

“Treatment plan?” Yoongi questions. “What kind of treatment plan?”

“We have a counselor that can help you work towards being back to your healthy self. We want you to be sober and healthy. We don’t want you to think you can never drink again, we just want you to be ok enough to not overindulge.”

“Ok,” Yoongi nods still a bit skeptical. “So I just go talk to this counselor?”

“Well…” Dojoon hesitates. Everyone in the room seems to be looking down and Yoongi knows that’s not good. “The counselor will come to you. We…we cleared your schedule for the foreseeable future so that you can stay at a remote location we have setup.”

“A what? Where?” Yoongi asks in disbelief. A counselor isn’t a problem, but clearing his schedule so he can stay at a remote location? That seems a bit much to him.

“It’s not a bad location,” Dojoon tries to assure him. “It’s one that had been considered for In the Soop with Tomorrow by Together at first. It’s a peaceful property and we’ll make sure you have everything you need. The counselor will come to that location and work with you until you both feel you’ve made enough progress in your recovery to return home. Of course, we would like for you to continue seeing the counselor after that as well.”

“B-but I don’t need to go away from home to see a counselor,” Yoongi pleads. “Why can’t I just see a counselor here? They can come to my place, it doesn’t matter, but why do I need to leave?”

“Hyung,” Hobi says. “There’s too much temptation for you at home. I’m sorry, we just felt it would be better for you this way.”

“Guys,” Yoongi exasperates trying to hold back another wave of sobs.

“Seriously, Yoongi,” Jungkook says dropping all honorifics. Other than a short statement he made to express how Yoongi’s drinking makes him sad, he hasn’t said very much the entire meeting. “We don’t want to lose you.”

Yoongi’s heart breaks at Jungkook’s words. His big eyes trying to hide his sadness is setting Yoongi’s heart on fire. He’s so upset with himself for letting it come to this. He thought he could get by on his own, but he can’t. He needs the help that they’re trying to give him right now.

“When you go home one of us will wait as you pack your things, then you’ll be taken to the house,” Dojoon says.

“Today?” Yoongi asks in shock. “Like right now??”

“Right now, Yoongi,” Jin says softly.

“I…no, I can’t right now,” Yoongi begs. “I need to prepare. A-and Hyeri. I can’t just disappear. I need to tell her.”

“She knows,” Namjoon says feeling a bit of guilt for having talked to Hyeri about this behind Yoongi’s back.

“She knows?”

“We…I talked to her before we brought you in. She’s-“ Namjoon pauses trying to maintain his composure. This is hurting him more than he imagined it would. “She knows everything and she gave the ok. She just wants you to be well like the rest of us do.”

“She knows?” Yoongi repeats feeling slightly betrayed. Everyone has been plotting behind his back and he feels it’s unfair for them to make him just pack his things and leave right now.

Namjoon nods with his head hanging. He feels terrible but he knows it’s the right thing for Yoongi. He feels there’s not much they can do now that the managers have found out, telling Hyeri was more of a courtesy.

“But she’s…” Yoongi tries to think of something to say. He can’t possibly go now. “She’s not home right now, I need to see her first.”

Everyone looks at each other having known things would end up similar to this. Yoongi isn’t going to go easily if Hyeri isn’t by his side. They knew he would try to fight back.

“Then we’ll give you until tomorrow at noon,” Dojoon bargains. “At that time we’ll pick you up and that will be it.”

“Do I not get a choice in this at all?” Yoongi is trying his best to get out of this. Yes, he knows he needs help, but he feels this is much too extreme and way too sudden.

“Well sure you have a choice,” Dojoon says. “But given the severity of the situation, your choices are very few.”

“What are they?” Yoongi just hopes one of those choices doesn’t require him to stay somewhere secluded. Alone.

“Yoongi, we really believe that this is the best solution for you,” Dojoon says. Everyone else looks uncomfortable but Yoongi just wants an alternate option.

“Do I not have a right to know my other options and decide for myself?” His desperation is heartbreaking for everyone. They didn’t want to do this but they didn’t know what else they could do. He wasn’t going to stay clean on his own at this rate.

“That’s fair,” Dojoon says wishing he wouldn’t have to tell Yoongi his other options, but now he has to. “The other option is to have you check in to a nearby facility. You’ll be closer to home but we can’t offer any protection if you’re found out to be there by the public.”

To Yoongi that’s even worse. He could lose a lot if the world knew he was in rehab for alcoholism. That’s not a good option to him at all.

“The third option,” Dojoon continues with a little apprehension. “If you were to choose to not get treatment at all then…you would have to be suspended from any further activities with the group. With…the company.”

Yoongi feels like all of the oxygen was just sucked out of the room. He feels like he’s going to pass out at those words. Suspended? He can’t fathom not being with his brothers. He can’t imagine not working on music or anything.

“W-what?” Yoongi stutters through the knot in his throat.

“We’re sorry it had to come to this,” Dojoon says. “The last thing we want is to suspend you, that’s why we came up with the treatment plan. We want you to succeed and we want you happy and healthy. However, we can’t let things continue like this. Your conduct is effecting everyone and we feel time away is best. We prefer if you spent the time getting well, but if you choose not to we’ll have no other choice but to continue moving forward without you present.”

Yoongi can’t speak, he can only cry. Namjoon tries to say something but he chokes on a sob as well. Everyone is emotional because no one wants this, but they feel there’s no other choice. They love each other and the members could never imagine going on without Yoongi, but they want him to realize how serious this is. There’s not a dry eye in the room. Every time Yoongi tries to speak the only thing that comes out is a hoarse cry.

“We promise we’ll take care of everything you need while you’re getting treatment at the house we have prepared,” Dojoon says softly. “If you choose to.”

Yoongi nods having no fight in him. It’s scary to think about, but if the choice is to go away for a bit to get clean and hopefully save all of the relationships he’s damaged with his drinking or basically get dropped from everything he’s devoted his life to, then it’s a no brainer. His agreement to get treatment is a relief for everyone else, but only a small one. It’s still painful to have to basically send Yoongi away for a while. Much more painful than when they all enlisted.

Before leaving the meeting, all of the guys hugged Yoongi and expressed how much they love him. Namjoon apologized for talking to Hyeri without him knowing, but he knew that she would want to know what’s going on and Yoongi would worry if she didn’t. Yoongi understands. Despite the way his mind tries to make him feel betrayed, he knows they all have his best interest in mind. That doesn’t make it hurt any less at all.

The ride home is quiet and suffocating. When he gets inside he isn’t sure what to do with himself. Hyeri isn’t home yet and he hasn’t heard from her all day. She never responded to his message earlier but knowing that she already knew about this entire operation he can see why. He told her about the bottle of soju and she probably didn’t respond out of disappointment or maybe frustration.

He decided to go into the closet and start packing. He isn’t even sure what he needs to take with him or how much since there’s no telling how long he’ll be there. He wishes he could have a drink. Just one more before he has to go away, but he was told that someone would be monitoring and if he left home before being picked up at noon tomorrow, he would be taken immediately. He isn’t sure who would be monitoring him or how, but he doesn’t want to find out. All he has is the hope that maybe there’s a bottle of something he or Hyeri missed in one of his hiding places.

He starts digging through every piece of clothing in the closet. His usual hiding places being in random pockets and wherever he could fit a drink. To his surprise he finds a small half filled bottle of a strawberry lemonade liquor that he’s almost certain had been there since before he enlisted. He can’t remember exactly where the bottle came from or the note that fell out with it, but he’s sure it’s similar to how he had a forgotten bottle of whiskey in his car.

Regardless of its origin, Yoongi opens the bottle and instantly downs the whole thing while cursing himself. Suddenly he’s hit with a strong taste of garlic, cough syrup, peppers, and something else he can’t quite put his finger on, but it doesn’t make the drink taste any better.

“What the fuck is this?” He mumbles opening the note that was with it.

If you find this I hope you don’t drink it. If you drink it I hope it makes you think again next time before you have a drink. -H

“Goddammit,” he sighs. He puts his head in his hands and cries. All he seems to do these days is cry. “I’m such a disappointment.”

Hyeri doesn’t know that Yoongi didn’t go straight to the treatment house after the meeting. She was surprised and a bit worried to see lights on when she returned home. She slowly went to the bedroom until she heard him crying in the closet. He didn’t notice her at first so she simply stood there and watched as her heart sank to the floor at the sight of him. Her tears begin falling when she notices the bottle she planted to see if he’d fall for it is sitting empty next to him. He was so eager for a drink that he finished off the half filled bottle before it hit him that it wasn’t alcohol.

“What are you doing?” She finally cries to him. “Why are you here?” She sounds desperate. She thought him getting treatment would be the thing he needs. It would clean him up and they can be happy again. She won’t have to worry so much. But instead he’s here crying on the floor after attempting to have another drink. To her, this is the sight of her relationship ending if he’s not getting treatment.

“Hyeri?” He stands and wipes his face. He can see her tears and he steps towards her to hold her but she backs away.

“What are you doing?” She asks again.

“Baby, I-“

“Why are you not at treatment?!”

“I’m going,” he cries feeling more hurt by her backing away from him. “Hyeri I’m going I just came to pack. They’re picking me up at noon tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” She’s a little skeptical. He could very easily be lying just to justify him being there trying to sneak another drink. She wanted him to be gone when she got home, not because she didn’t want to see him, but because she knew that if he wasn’t there that means he’d be at treatment. It also meant not having to say a very very hard goodbye to him.

“At noon,” he nods. “I mean it.”

“Why? Why didn’t you go?” She cries. “Why did you come home and,” she gestures to the empty liquor bottle. “Why?”

“I’m sorry, Hyeri,” he says trying and failing again to pull her into an embrace. “I’m so fucking sorry and I know you’re probably tired of hearing me say it, but I mean it.”

“I just want you to get help,” she cries. “I don’t want to lose you, Yoongi, but you’re making it so hard. You were supposed to be gone already!”

“Baby-“

“What if there was actually alcohol in that bottle?! What if that was the last drink of your life? If I had come home to find your body laying here on the floor, what then?!” Each one of her words gets louder and louder. Her tears are streaming down her face and her breathing is frantic.

Yoongi doesn’t know what to say. He fucked up and fucked up again. The love of his life is at the end of her rope. Everyone in his life is. He wants to hold Hyeri. She’s his comfort. His safety blanket. But she won’t let him touch her. She can’t let him. The moment he touches her she knows she’ll break and want him to stay. She’s never had this much trouble seeing him off for an extended amount of time before, but not knowing how long he’ll be gone, or what state he’ll return in, makes it feel almost impossible for her. She would have had an easier time if she came to an empty home.

“You need to go, Yoongi,” she cries again. “Go get well, and when it’s over my Yoongi can come home. My Yoongi that I’ve missed so much. I want him back.”

“I’ll go,” he cries. “I promise I won’t be back until I’m better.” One more failed attempt to at least take her hand and he simply can’t stand it anymore. “Now. I’ll go now.”

He pulls out his phone and taps out a frantic message for a manager to pick him up and take him to the treatment house. He doesn’t bother packing clothes, he only grabs his backpack and stuffs his phone charger and a few toiletries inside. Hyeri sits at the edge of the bed watching him through her tears. She’s afraid of what will happen once he leaves, but it’s the last hope she has that it will be for the better.

It’s a painful silence between them as they wait for a manager to arrive. Hyeri can hardly look him in the face without getting choked up again. He can see every bit of pain on her face and it hurts like hell for him to not be able to comfort her.

The manager finally arrives and Yoongi gets ready to leave. Hyeri still can’t look at him and she doesn’t move from the edge of the bed even when he stands in the doorway waiting for her to say something before he leaves.

“I love you,” he says softly. “I love you so much, Na Hyeri.”

“I love you too,” she whispers still looking at the floor. “So much it hurts.”

He stands there a moment holding his breath so he doesn’t break down into tears again. She won’t move. So he turns and leaves.

The moment he gets into the manager’s car he lets everything out. He cries and can’t get himself to stop the entire car ride.

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond! Scripting: Fall of an NU

CONTENT WARNING: Various use of swears, controversial topics surrounding the NU and JaizKoys

(All mockups by @becdoesthings)

In the "Prime" version of the NU, Rosy was nervously walking along the Blood Temple, headed past a few columns. Around the third one was where Sark Cream was peeking out of, spying on her.

Sark Cream: And what do we have here? Seems like that little fucker is trying to run away from the Master once more. Well, she is going to regret it.

She followed as a portal opened, with EV!Sonic and EV!Sark coming out of the portal.

EV!Sark: She's headed that way!

EV!Sonic: Right. Let's move it!

Rosy kept walking before hearing Sark Cream call.

Sark Cream: Heya, you freak!

Rosy (thinking): O-Oh, no! She's here! ... Okay, keep calm... The help you heard was coming should be here soon...

Sark Cream: Trying to run away again, eh? You really are an idiot if you think you can escape us! One day, you'll really run out of luck-

On cue, EV!Sark bowled her over as EV!Sonic also showed up.

EV!Sonic: Enough of that, brat!

Sark Cream: What the...? (sees them both) A faker of my master AND a Sonic? And who the hell do YOU think you are? You aren't my master, for all I care! HAHAHAHAHA!

EV!Sark: Doesn't matter to me, "Pearl". You're just a harlot doing nothing but seek attention, all because your disgrace of a mother tried to sell you on the market for more lust!

Sark Cream/"Pearl" Prime: I'm 18, you dumb fuck!

EV!Sark: Funny. I remember you were originally 16, and you sure as hell don't look like you're that age. It doesn't help your case at all!

"Pearl" Prime: Oh, you're gonna get it now! MASTER!!!

Sark (off-screen): What could you possibly want now?

Rosy: H-Here he comes...

EV!Sonic held her hand, the world around them temporarily dimming and time stopping around them.

Rosy: Huh? What happened?

EV!Sonic: Just a temporary time stop spell I put in. While it's active, I just want to know how you are here.

Rosy: N-Not really happy... Sark put me through hell from day one, and I've b-been despised in every sense of the word by my own "friends"...

EV!Sonic: Urgh, of course Sark Prime would be a rapist. They're the kind of people I feel deserve nothing but erasure from the multiverse.

Rosy: I... I've always felt so helpless in the midst of it all, e-even when Exetior planned to t-take me in...

EV!Sonic: Honestly? You deserve a LOT better than what that monster put you through. You managed to save others before now, but what about yourself? Do you really want to go on suffering, or do you want to take a stand and seek true happiness again?

Rosy: (talking to herself) Maybe... Maybe this Sonic's right. Plus, the Sark he came with doesn't sound anywhere near as much of a monster as my own... How long would I have to wait otherwise? (to EV!Sonic) Okay! I'm up for it.

EV!Sonic: Heh, that's the spirit. Once this is over, I'll get you escorted to a much safer location where we can get you treated and restored to a stable condition again.

The time spell wore off as Sark arrived.

Sark: Oh, Rosy... What am I gonna do with you? You keep on running away from me to side with Exetior, and now you are siding with another Sonic and an impostor?! You are really gonna get it now!

Rosy: (Now or never... Now or never...)

She got back up, genuine hatred for Sark present as she glared at him and Sark Cream bitterly.

Rosy: Listen up, Sark! I've become SICK of you and your egotistical crimes! All you care about is getting everyone horny, including minors like Tails and Cream! You're a disgusting piece of filth who only cares about himself!

EV!Sark: Yeah! And can we talk about your "creator" for a second? Yeah, THAT guy! Can I mention that he took advantage of Yuri, a minor, and KNEW what he was doing?! He didn't care about it, he just kept them for the role! And when they ditched Jaiz, his whiteknight, Merfy, said that it was their problem, not his! He blames anyone but himself for his mistakes, and refuses to actually learn from them!

Rosy: In that regard... This whole world has become a wasteland! Fake escapism from some non-threat! And I'm ready to tear it all apart, whether you like it or not!

Exetior (off-screen): What is with all this ruckus going on?!

Exetior walked into the frame as EV!Sonic and EV!Sark turned their attention to him.

Exetior: Urgh... Of course it'd have to be a pair of hedgehogs and another Sark. You shouldn't get in my way of becoming THE most popular demon the world has ever seen! Every time I take an unexpected bump in the road, "retakes" like you try to take my crown away. Even if your own creator got to help Phaton out, he can't bother to be decent himself. So why don't you buzz off and get some [BEEP]ches, HUH?! Oh, wait! You don't have any, because nobody will ever remember you.

Rosy: You do realise someone I saw in a dream told me about him, right? Be up to date, Exetior!

EV!Sonic: Yeah, that's more nonsense coming out of your mouth than should be necessary! Do I have to remind you that you seem to find it an idea to turn into a glowing red squid whenever you need to show authority, because you can't stand being proven wrong?

A gong sound was heard as Exetior reacted in shock to that call-out.

EV!Sark: Aw, what's wrong... "your highness"? Are you upset that you're no longer on top of the world?

Another gong sound played.

EV!Sonic: Even the people who you persuaded to like you don't like you! Look at your Sark over there!

He pointed at Sark Prime, who was smirking like a moron.

EV!Sonic: Look at his clearly obvious grin. That's the face of somebody that plans to backstab you for taking one of his slaves from him. Don't tell me he's not plotting against you, because he is!

EV!Sark: Gee, what a baby.

A third gong sound was heard as Sark's smirk dropped and he reacted angrily to that insult.

Sark: What did you say, you bitch?!

EV!Sark: Well, too bad you two get all the hate, since I at least redeemed myself when the Tower of Millennium showed up! Maybe if what's left of your allies didn't promote zoophilia and paedophilia, you would've regained the audience that once looked up to you.

A fourth gong sound played.

EV!Sonic: Better yet, maybe your creator wouldn't have become a punching bag on social media if he actually did choose to redeem himself instead of tripping himself up every 5 minutes!

A fifth gong sound was heard as Exetior was starting to lose his temper.

EV!Sark: VENDETTA~!

Exetior's eyes closed as he showed an angry smile.

Exetior: Oh, you son of a gun...!

He began undergoing his breakdown seen in EXE-Line 4, his Highest appearance flashing behind him.

Exetior: You brazen and brainless idiots! Your insolence towards your God shall not go unpunished! I will shatter all of your bones in a split second, and leave nothing behind but ashes!

Sark Cream: Oh, you three punks asked for it now!

Exetior: You three will regret getting in my way! And all the traitors who joined your side will wish they hadn't DARED to oppose it!

EV!Sonic: See? You're literally proving my point, "Exterior"! You're guilty every step of the way!

Exetior changed into his semi-true form, his fury now in full force.

Exetior (roaring in fury): Insolent worms!!! You are ALL going to die here! I am a former Highest! I am an Arch-Demon of Sharpness! Chaos itself has made me stronger than all other Highests! I will not let you live to tell the tale!

EV!Sark: Try me, "Arch-Demon"!

Rosy: I'm ready to end you, you bratty rabbit!

Sark Cream: HAHAHAHAHA! This will be so much FUN!

EV!Sonic ran forward to deal with Exetior while Rosy turned her attention to her former master and ex-friend.

Rosy: I'm not afraid of you anymore, Sark! It's time to knock those teeth out of your ugly grin! Bring it on!

Sark: I'm gonna have SO much fun tearing you apart limb-by-limb! Let the fun begin!

He charged at Rosy, who quickly dodged and used her Piko Piko Hammer to clobber the pair. Elsewhere, Sark Sally heard the crash from the attack.

Sark Sally: Uh oh. Master Sark is in danger.

She rushed forward, seeing the chaos unfolding in the Blood Temple.

Sark Sally: Rosy is daring to rebel against the Master?! She is going to regret having made such a decision!

She ran to join the fight while EV!Sonic fought Exetior.

EV!Sonic: Sark, go deal with your "Prime" self! I'll take care of this freak!

EV!Sark: Right!

Sonic leapt up in the air after Exetior as he blew a hole in the ceiling.

EV!Sonic: Okay, Exetior! It's time to get serious. No jokes, no games!

He dodged each of Exetior's attacks.

EV!Sonic: Back in my dimension, I might be more tolerant of such things, but you made it personal with everything you stand for!

Exetior: You worthless scum! You are NOTHING before me! I am the supreme being here! You are just trying to dethrone me!

EV!Sonic: Shut it!

He kicked Exetior backwards as his Tails and Knuckles showed up.

Demonized Tails: Exetior!

Demonized Knuckles: What's going on?!

Exetior: There's a counterpart of Sark AND that vermin rodent trying to take away my position of authority! Deal with them, NOW!

Demonized Tails: Count on us, Exetior!

Demonized Knuckles: This will be easy!

They charged forward to get EV!Sonic.

EV!Sonic: Oh, boy. I really did not want to be fighting corrupted versions of my own friends.

Demonized Tails flew in the air and did a curl drop as Sonic avoided the attack.

EV!Sonic: Woah! Steady there!

Demonized Knuckles yelled as he charged at EV!Sonic, who leapt in the air and used his Enerbeam bracelet to catch them both and slam them to the ground.

Demonized Tails: Argh!

He saw Knuckles got badly injured from the attack.

Demonized Tails: Knuckles!

Demonized Knuckles: Be careful, Tails. This faker of Sonic... is strong.

Demonized Tails: Hey, you're tough too, Knucklehead! Get back up and let's fight!

He did just that.

Demonized Knuckles: Remind me to punch you for talking back at me after this is over. Right, I'll focus on the phony Sark while you halt this Sonic's tracks!

Knuckles used his Tornado attack to try and hit EV!Sark, though he teleported out of the way.

EV!Sark (impressed): Heh, not bad! I forgot how ample in combat you two are!

EV!Sonic held Demonized Tails back.

EV!Sonic: Cool it, Tails! This isn't about you! It's about your "boss"! We're here to see to it that your world has the happy ending it deserves!

Demonized Tails: You think I'd fall for your tricks?! Knuckles, NOW!

Knuckles charged up the attack again, this time aimed at EV!Sonic.

EV!Sark: Sonic, heads up!

He noticed and jumped out of the way in the nick of time, causing the attack to collide with Tails and send the two spinning away.

Demonized Tails: GAH! GET OFF OF ME!

In another part of the temple, Negagen and Pervision were present, hearing the commotion.

Negagen: What's happening here?

Pervision: Sounds like trouble-.

On cue, Exetior's two elites crashed right into a wall.

Pervision: What happened to you two?

They quickly got unstuck.

Demonized Tails: We have intruders in here, and Rosy's become a traitor to all of us. We have to exterminate them!

Demonized Knuckles: We'll need whatever you've got to stop this mess!

Pervision: Very well.

He summoned Boddys and Brally to his call.

Pervision: Go gather Robotnik's forces from Fatal Iron and bring them here in full force!

Demonized Knuckles: Right!

He went to do so as Negagen rushed forward to assist his master, freezing time around EV!Sonic.

Negagen: Master, now!

Exetior took the opening to attack Sonic in full brunt, throwing punches and kicks at him.

Exetior: You can unfreeze time now, Negagen.

He did so, causing EV!Sonic to fly into a wall. He quickly got unstuck, glaring at the Arch-Demon.

EV!Sonic: Okay! You've asked for it now!

He activated a phony voice message transmitted to, who else?

"Exetior" Voice: Exetior to the Highests! I am giving myself up! My location is Dimension NB-23!

Sonic held himself up, barely paying any mind to his black eye and bleeding mouth and smirking seeing Exetior, Negagen and Pervision all express shock and horror, now realising that their chance of victory had decreased rapidly.

Exetior: !!! How did you-?! What did you do?! They'll destroy this world, you idiot!

EV!Sonic: Heh, wrong! I've set in motion the stages to restore this world back to how it once was! Before you decided to start ruining it!

The temple started shaking in full-force. In the girls' room, the three girls could feel the tremors shaking the area.

Demonized Fleetway Amy: What's going on?!

Demonized Cream: Why is the room shaking so much?

Demonized Sally Nettle: I don't know, girls. But I heard fighting on the other side of the temple.

Demonized Amy: Oh, great... Is Sark involved in this mess this time?

Demonized Sally: I really hope not. With the way he's treated Rosy, I wouldn't be surprised-.

The room was starting to crumble as Cream rushed to Amy's side, hugging her in fear.

Demonized Cream: I'm scared, M-Miss Amy!

Demonized Sally: Should we do something about this?

Demonized Amy: We need to get out of here first!

And on cue, their bodies glowed white as they were warped out of the temple before the room caved in. Outside, EV!Sonic continued to fight off Negagen and Pervision, using his Enerbeam to catch various EXE clones and use them as living ammo against the pair.

Demonized Knuckles: Get over here, you freak!

Knuckles engaged in fist-to-fist combat with EV!Sonic as the walls of the Blood Temple began to collapse, revealing the night sky outside.

Demonized Knuckles: What did you do to this place?!

EV!Sonic: Calm down and I'll explain it to you and Tails!

Demonized Knuckles: The time is NOT for talk; only your death!

EV!Sonic: You really want to do this to a parallel of your best friend? Do you really want to prove him right about only caring about serving a bloodthirsty killer?!

Knuckles's eyes widened remembering his Sonic, giving EV!Sonic the chance to trip him up and knock him unconscious. Demonized Tails, seeing this, started snarling in anger as his inner demons began taking over his rational thinking.

Demonized Tails: YOU!!!!! You are going to REALLY regret this! I'm going to tear you apart until you become my next meal!

EV!Sonic: Uh oh... He's literally going feral!

EV!Sark: No doubt due to a fatal flaw Exetior exploited during the demonization process. Go calm him down while I rip apart Pervision's experiments and set their souls free!

EV!Sark rushed off as EV!Sonic did his best to handle Tails, avoiding each bite he tried to make into his flesh. Soon enough, he reluctantly slammed Tails into the floor, hurting him but calming him down.

EV!Sonic: I'm sorry, Tails. I had to do that to calm your primal instincts down.

Demonized Tails: You... fool... The Highests will soon get you, and stop you...

EV!Sonic knelt to his level.

EV!Sonic: Tails, look at me. The Highests aren't going to erase Mobius like Exetior let you on for. They're gonna recreate it without him there to torment you. You'll be together with Sonic in the next life, little buddy, don't worry.

Tails visualised when his Sonic had comforted him in a similar pose, fully calming down and accepting what was to come.

Demonized Tails: I... I guess so. We'll be there soon, Sonic. I promise.

He and Knuckles glowed white too as they were transported away from the temple to their new life. Back with EV!Sark, he managed to smash Brally through multiple Badniks as she screeched like a banshee, before dying out and her soul energy passing on. Demonized Eggman got bowled over in the crossfire, before he too was warped away.

Pervision: Their powers... are becoming much more powerful than ours! How does he do that?

EV!Sark: Simple. I've seen every trick in your books and torn them down! Your "Nightmare Universe" ends today!

He tore Boddys in two, freeing the souls of the Tails and Knuckles that got fused into the monster. Close by, Rosy continued her fight against Sark and his slaves, soon getting grabbed by Exetior who was furious about her betrayal.

Exetior: I did give you a chance to have happiness again, even if I was reluctant to be with you to begin with. I even aimed to provide you willing companionship!

Rosy: If you really want to change your ways, come with me! You can become a better person if you really want to!

Exetior: ...I was content with where I was, until those rodents decided to ruin it!

Rosy: They came here to save me for good!

Exetior: ... I should've known better than to try and intervene in those simulations.

Rosy's trust in Exetior finally broke as she reluctantly knocked him backwards for EV!Sonic to deal with, while she aimed to teach the monsters she could barely call "friends" what for.

After enough effort, EV!Sonic succeeded in overpowering Exetior and slamming him into the ground.

EV!Sonic: Nowhere to run now, demon!

He spin-dashed into Exetior, outright killing him while releasing NU!Sonic's soul into the skies for the world's recreation.

Elsewhere, Chaos Hunter/Junter was rushing through a variant of the Hidden Palace.

Junter: I must stop Exetior at all costs! That monster will pay. Pay for what he'd done to my friends-

He suddenly felt Exetior's death, freezing in shock before turning to dust and dying.

Back in the Blood Temple, Rosy had knocked Sark out cold and murdered Sark Sally, before turning her attention to Sark Cream.

Rosy: As for you...

Sark Cream: You're a selfish traitor, you know that?! No wonder Sark hated you! No wonder everyone hates you for who you-!

She got bashed by the hammer for that.

Rosy: Shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!

She used her hammer to leave a fracture on Sark Cream's head, before smashing her arm off.

Sark Cream: A-ARGH! STOP THIS, PLEASE!

Rosy didn't listen to her pleas for mercy, knowing she was getting what was coming to her for all the mistreatment she gave Amy over the years. By the time she was done, EV!Sonic had to pull her away to calm her down.

EV!Sonic: Leave it, leave it!

She took steady breaths, turning away from Sark Cream's bashed-in face as it laid on the floor.

EV!Sonic: It's over. You don't have to worry about them anymore.

Rosy: Sonic, I... I'm scared that I might hurt someone else in a similar way. Please... tell me I'm not going to become who I was in that moment.

EV!Sonic: Hey, Rosy, that's not gonna happen, I promise.

He hugged her close to give her the comfort she really wanted for so long, as she embraced it, a tear dropping from her normal eye. She really did appreciate EV!Sonic being there to help her be free of everlasting torture, finally happy that a mortal could understand her suffering.

(For anyone curious, that's Pearl/Sark Cream off-screen to the left, and what happened to her, I honestly can't describe to you.)

Rosy: It's something I should've done with those scumbags long ago... But what's gonna happen to this world now?

EV!Sonic: Truth is, the Highests aren't all that bad. Exetior just fabricated them as a threat just to justify his actions. This world's soon gonna be in shambles, and HE is going to have to man up and admit that what he's done is wrong in every way. If he continues refusing to do so, well, that's his problem.

He looked back at Pervision, Negagen and Sark knocked unconscious, with EV!Sark grabbing his original version.

EV!Sark: I'm already itching to tear him to shreds after hearing what he did to the Pearl I met, but I know you've got other plans for him, Sonic.

EV!Sonic: Yeah. I'm gonna get him in containment before ensuring he's given a treatment worse than any torment he's dished out.

Rosy: What about me? I'm pretty much the only one standing here.

EV!Sonic: You... You wanna tag along with me? I'm running a huge superhero team and taking in anyone that's been suffering to help them recover.

Rosy: You're really willing to give me proper companionship?

EV!Sonic: Yeah!

She smiled, holding his arm.

Rosy: I... I don't know what to say. Thank you so much.

EV!Sark: We should get moving. We've only a few seconds before the whole place collapses.

EV!Sonic: Right! (on his communicator) Tekno, open our gate back out of here!

Tekno: Right on it!

A warp ring appeared as their ticket out, which they took, with Sark captured and in tow...

before that NU was wiped clean...

...a fresh Mobius created in its place with no demonic influence.

Trivia:

After this, Rosy got therapy from what she went through and was given a prosthetic eye to replace her missing one.

She developed separation anxiety following the ordeal and tends to stick close to EV!Sonic when they're together, or Nitro if he's busy elsewhere. Otherwise, she's allowed to stay over in the Errorverse.

This was the build-up to why Sark was sealed away in the Quill Society HQ Tour post from before.

Rosy enjoys being around other Amys and Creams, seeing them as rays of sunshine throughout the multiverse. While still paranoid about the Pearl EV!Sark managed to find (who ran away from the old timeline after her fallout with Sark), she's developed mutual respect for her while she makes an effort to change her ways.

Rosy sometimes helps staff therapy sessions with CD!Sonic and/or Sara via using her mind-reading to relay some info to them to help their jobs.

[beastabyss666]

Ok......So, the new HB episode is out, how unexpected for me. I apologize to my fellow readers for not reviewing the previous episode, but I was so tired and busy, having to deal with a lot of work. The cat must have got my tongue when I saw the dildo scene, I'm sorry. And what can I say......Actually, this episode is the best one in the 2 season at this moment. I mean, at least it wasn't that cringe and plot ruining as the other ones. ‼️TW‼️: Abuse, **cest

The animation looks pretty good in action scenes(and not so good in other, especially when some characters speak). The backgrounds look good, and I somewhat like the fact that the Sloth Ring is pink. Looks so sweet, bubblegum and cotton candy-like. But the floating pieces of ground are very cliche for a fantasy world. Also I think there were too many sound effects, when sometimes it feels like there's a lack of them. In principle, everything is as always. Stolas is a damsel in distress again, Moxxie and Millie are boring, Stella is evil(and extremely stupid for some reason), Blitzo is loud and annoying and spits cuss words every second because the authors think it's funny. Also Loona just...... didn't speak in this ep at all. No words. Don't know if it's good or not. The plotline of her going to doctor and being afraid of shots is pretty boring, tbh. I still have no idea why hellhounds are treated like some pets in this universe when they're competent and sensible beings. Also, I don't know if anyone told that or this is just me, but I absolutely hate the idea of putting fucking westerns in "Hell". I know Vivzie isn't so original and her universe is super bland and uninteresting, but shit, westerns just don't stick in the setting of Hell at all, it's not that vibe and it looks ridiculous. And that's not because I don't like westerns. Striker's song felt absolutely redundant, and Striker himself seems....unnatural? Seems like Vivzie made him that masculine bigot guy who's bigheaded and is obsessed with having a huge cock(because dicks are funny according to the writers). They have finally showed Andrealphus, Stella's brother, and there's nothing interesting about him to say. I'm just glad they didn't make him a stereotypical gay. Knowing Vivzie's "rep" and how feminine he looks, it would be predictable. As I've said before, he looks like a shameless Elsa ripoff, as his blue ice castle(covered with red fucking sky, god, these palette choices burn out my eyes). I've heard some controversial and suspicious stuff considering him and Stella(more precisely, someone says that originally they were going to have **cestuous relationship). Not sure if it's true, and I do hope that Vivzie won't go so far in making Stella an unredeemable villain.

I didn't see anything "weird" or vulgar in their conversation, it felt like puerility. I like to imagine that their relationship is like a niminy-piminy brother always cheering up and complimenting his little sis because he can. I've seen some cartoons with a similar character dynamic and a certain part of their fandoms found indecent connotation in this, and that's their problems in their depravity. And yeah, I know that my thoughts aren't true and they obviously have a manipulative relationship. Andre straight up insulted Stella and manipulated her, btw. If Viv really wanna do them having **cest – fine, another reason to quit watching this show. But something tells me that she won't dare to lose a bunch of fans and be yet again cancelled in social networks.

Summing up, this episode was pretty good by the standards of the season and bad by the standards of..... something qualitative I guess? Viv still hasn't learned how to separate drama from comedy, which makes it difficult, no, impossible to feel Stolas' sad shit. This character is one of my personal winners in the list of the most repulsive and annoying creatures and him always being sex-crazed about Blitzo pisses me off. How the hell are we supposed to take him seriously if all he wants is a dick? The rest of the time he whines about how unhappy he is and pretends to care about his daughter. Season 2 continues to look like terrible Wattpad fanfiction and it discourages from watching this series. It's not even fun to hate or criticize it anymore, it's just...... Ehh.

[catulhu333]

How powerful Lilith really is...

...in the Zohar?

Kinda connected to my previous article (of which Lilith's depiction in the Zohar was a major part of), I would also want to shed some light on this rather obscure information.

With Lilith's power in the Zohar, she is actually described as actually stronger than her husband, Samael/Satan (Pinchas, verse 362): ""The appendix of the liver" MEANS a woman of harlotry, THAT IS LILIT, who comes out and emerges from the liver, THAT IS SAMAEL, to mislead people and denounce them, and she leaves the male to practice prostitution. And that is why IT IS WRITTEN: "the appendix of the liver;" "the appendix above the liver" MEANS THAT, after her fornications, she rises above him. She has "a harlot's forehead" (Yirmeyah 3:3) and subdues her husband, who is SAMAEL, WHO IS CALLED 'liver,' with the anger of the gall, being a quarrelsome and anger-prone wife who rules over her male. THUS "The harlot's forehead" has control over the liver, WHICH IS SAMAEL, BECAUSE SHE IS a quarrelsome, angry woman AND IS THEREFORE CALLED "THE APPENDIX ABOVE THE LIVER."

While this fragment could be seen as just describing Lilith "wearing the pants" in the relationship, there are further statements that confirm Lilith's power (and by proxy being stronger than Samael). In another verse, Lilith is called the most powerful sprit (Vayikra, verse 316): "Come and see: In a hole by the great, supernal abyss, there is a certain female, a spirit above all spirits. We have explained that its name is Lilit."

And the most interesting, and controversial part - Lilith (also called the "evil maid" or "evil maidservant") manged to defeat an aspect of God, the Shekhinah (also called the Matron or Matronit) (Mishpatim, verses 450-452): "So many blessings did the evil maidservant steal from the Shechinah through heavy tax burdens, different kinds of harsh judgments against the SHECHINAH'S children, numerous Temple sacrifices deprived from the Matron, the shaming of the Matron," ... "The pit represents the evil wife, Lilit, in her house, namely the prison. The evil maid seized the Matron and her children, NAMELY THE CHILDREN OF YISRAEL, put them in her exile, placed them in twisted chains, and tied their hands to the back; "she dwells among the nations, she finds no rest" (Eichah 1:3)."

As well taking the Shekhinah's power and position (Bereshit A, verse 268): "BECAUSE WHEN THE SHECHINAH IS IN EXILE, LILIT AND THE MIXED MULTITUDE RECEIVE HIS ABUNDANCE, WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GIVEN TO THE SHECHINAH. FOR THIS REASON, THE EXILE IS CONSIDERED THE NAKEDNESS OF SUPERNAL YISRAEL."

While this is meant to be a metaphor for the exile of the Jews/Israelites, it also is meant to be direct real event, as the Bible states places and events on Earth, have (greater) counterparts in Heaven.

It's also notable the Shekinah is mentioned defeating and even destroying Samael in the future (Shoftim, verse 8): "Its members are pieces of wood in which a fire will burn, which is the fire of the commandment, in each member, to burn Samael BY the supernal Shechinah, THAT IS BINAH, with a tree that is Tiferet, and with all the trees, MEANING SFIROT, that are attached TO TIFERET. When the fire of the higher descends over the wood of the sacrifice, "the stranger that comes near shall be put to death" (Bemidbar 1:51), because he will be burned IN THE FIRE."

Defeating even an aspect of God, arguably makes Lilith the most powerful demon in (actual religious) Abrahamic scripture and literature.

Then why Lilith is often depicted as inferior, even visibly to Samael/Satan/Lucifer etc., and rarely equal in power at best? Well, as I mentioned in Demon WLW in Kabbalah, translated works of Kabbalah were in past harder to acquire, people often reading works that quoted or summarized them, that omitted this information. Later Kabbalistic writings also didn't depict Lilith as this powerful.

In general, aside from also sexism (not always and more in the past), Satan also is seen as the ultimate force of evil, with it being weird for many that another being like Lilith could equal or even exceed him in power. The verse with Lilith taking Shekhinah's power and position were also interpreted (I personally think misinterpreted) as God taking Lilith as a wife/consort/lover in the place of the Shekhinah.

[i-am-the-oyster]

Ok I’m asking this question in the most polite way I can. I’m very very new to the fandom and just the Beatles in general and I just have to know the pure truth on John and Cynthia. Any time John is ever posted on anywhere, like TikTok, insta, ect, people are always flooding the comments saying John beat his wife and kid. Why is that such a popular belief when that didn’t happen? I know he slapped her once or something but people are alway saying it and I just want to know why if it’s not true. Again I’m asking this in the most respectful manner I can. Thank you !

Hello nonny!

I can tell this is an important and emotive question for you, and I hope I can respond in a way that is helpful to you without avoiding the truth.

I don't like the way that John's violence is often discussed---people do like to make complicated things out to be simple---but we can't avoid the fact that John was a violent man. He said it himself [1], Cynthia said it [2], May said it [3], Yoko sat next to him while he said it and she didn't deny it [4].

In her 2005 book, Cynthia claimed he only ever hit her once [5], but four decades earlier she told Hunter Davies a different story [6]. The way I interpret this inconsistency is some combination of personal revisionism (as we all do when we look back on our lives) and choosing a particular version of John to publicly remember after his death.

So what are we to do with this knowledge? This may be controversial of me, but I don't believe in dividing the world into Abusers [irredeemable] and Non-abusers [decent].

If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?

-- Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956

John was violent, yes, but he also recognised that about himself and worked on changing. None of the Beatles were (or are) pure, and as fans we each need to decide for ourselves how much we engage with that reality, and how it affects our relationships with them and their work.

It's also worth noting that John was a notorious revisionist himself, and that whatever he said later, he really did love Cyn.

[1] "I used to be cruel to my woman, and physically — any woman. I was a hitter. I couldn’t express myself and I hit. I fought men and I hit women." --- John discussing the song Getting Better in an interview with Playboy 1980

[2] "Molly, the cleaning woman, once caught John hitting me, really clouting me. She said I was a silly girl, to get mixed up with someone like that." --- Cynthia to Hunter Davies in the official biography (chapter 7)

[3] "He was drunk and looked very confused. Slowly he reached out, put his hands to my throat, and began to strangle me. As his hands closed tighter I screamed out and I tried to pull away, but he was incredibly strong." --- May Pang in her book Loving John (chapter 14)

[4] https://amoralto.tumblr.com/post/46083471661/september-5th-1971-st-regis-hotel-new-york-in#notes

[5] "The next day at college he followed me to the girls' loos (toilets) in the basement. When I came out he was waiting with a dark look on his face. Before I could speak he raised his arm and hit me across the face, knocking my head into the pipes that ran down the wall behind me,". She goes on to claim that John promised never to hit her again and he kept that promise.

[6] See note 2 above. These don't sound to me like they could be the same incident.