#and she apparently asked how i was doing. which makes me feel a little o.o but its not bad yk

[ahaura]

it has been a long day but. finally home 🧎‍♀️

[izbelross]

Por la vida que soy libre

A/N: Welcome back my fellow strangers :D Yesterday I had a hell of a ride on this planet called Earth in a big place called Mexico. It. Was. Awesome. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this second chapter, that is actually the third part of this hopefully ten chapter series. Leave a comment, I'm always wanting to read what you think.

Warnings: violence (kinda explicit) / angst / triple pinning / Fratt being Fratt / fluffishness / panic attacks / swearing / bad words, really, really bad words ;) / reader being a lil' piece of shit (do not mind me, just putting my issues here)

Synopsis: everyone is born with a soulmate (a/n: wouldn't that be mental?) Soulmates can hear their thoughts since childhood, some others up until they're older. This connection only becomes stable when soulmates meet, but as it can be nourished to bloom into something solid it can also be stopped. Soulmates come with a free choice, you don't die without them, you can learn to live with the one of your choice, free will no matter what. Although those who chose their destined ones can coincide in one thing: "You could never regret it". But when you are raised like a puppet of violence, your free will in every aspect of your life seems to have never existed. Along with your chance of meeting the ones destined for you.

Prologue / Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

✨Taglist: @scoliobean @dusstory

Chapter 2

"Solo llorar no es bueno"

"Remember? We were so young back then, no worries, just you and me, me your ignorance that made everything else meaningless. Now look at us, you have gotten older, meanwhile I am here, the same as always, just not for you, baby."

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·

"Frank! Where are you!"

His lungs where burning with every jump and landing he made all around Hell's Kitchen, his eyes trying to focus, to gain a little more time to talk to Castle, hear him again wherever he was. "Frank!" Matt was a man that never really thought things thorough, half his choices were done in an instant, which gave him repercussions with time, losing friendships, losing lovers, losing support. All of those time he always felt the right choice was being made. The only truth was his and his only, no other way, no other options.

But we have already talked about destiny, remember?

After bolting out of the firm, with the nagging feeling on his head coming from Frank's mind, he almost goes mad with the amount of fear that blinded him. Castle was far, far away, and the obvious sound of water was the last sound that he received from the other man.

Daredevil came out then, for it wasn't enough for Matthew Murdock to handle losing someone else he cared for, someone he hasn't even had the chance to-

"Matt" Frank whisper almost making him drop to his knees in the middle of a landing, he had to stop himself to breath once, exhale, breath another time and exhale. His constricted lungs making the air travel up to his fogged mind. "Castle, where the fuck are you? What happened?"

"I got- someone attacked me, got rid of'em, so, it's 'kay."

Matt got up again and started running, Frank's voice only a whispered carried by the wind, but strong enough to tell him where his soulmate was. "I'm coming, stay there." Frank's short growling was his only response.

////////o.o////////

You forgot very soon about the weird lawyer and the strange feeling on your chest right after he bolted out the room, and apparently out of the rest of city. "How long?" You have asked Nelson "We will have to continue without him." He answered, and so, you signed the papers without Murdock and continued with your life like nothing had happened.

There was so much that could be done for the next part, with you searching for Erik and trying to reach contact with Charles without really getting anywhere near Canada, where you had a penalty of dead if ever set foot there again. Yelena had almost disappeared, no one of you knew why or where, but you really hoped she was okay.

Sharon was the only one that still held contact with you, from a biper without register on the internet data and the geolocalization from government trackers.

Seating cross ledge on the open field, your closed eyes moved behind your eyelids. You had been meditating for almost an entire week, four to six hours a day without breaks, it was the first safest option to try to speak with Charles.

So far it was being useless.

Back in your mind though you felt it again, a strange impulse to see, not with your eyes, but with that deep hidden part of you that knew you were needed somewhere. "Castle" you heard a murmur and in your state of catharsis the voice became clearer.

"... metal bender or some shit. On the first and second street, near the dumpster, he made the deal to give me his location."

"You can't go on this condition, we don't know what he's capable of and-"

"Red, I honestly don't give two shits about it! I've been hunting these assholes for a long time and I'm not gonna stop now!"

The loud voices made your skin turn warm, they weren't as near threatening but more a sad plea of help and understanding. A pain that got under every fiver and made your hands twitch, wanting to hold to whoever this was and embrace him forever.

"I know! You think I don't give a fuck about it! I care too! You are my soulmate too! I can feel your pain too! And I-" the sound of a groan came out of this softer voice. "I can't lose you, not like this. I know how much pain it gives you, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. I told you I'll help you hunt them down and that's what I'm doing-"

"Listen-"

"You listen here right now! Me helping you with them doesn't mean I'll just sit there and watch you rip yourself apart o let other do it! Do not ask that of me Castle, you know damn well I wouldn't and if it were you in my place, mhpff-"

The muffled sound of a moan flew to you, a private thing that your ears were witnessing and for some reason, it felt like the reason you were listening was because you had to be in this exact moment. And even more, you should be there, seeing with your eyes, your own ears, feeling their warmth that even only their voices could give you.

It felt like a dream, until like every other you woke up like a punch in your gut, the next words freezing your longing.

"Erik Lensherr is the last one of 'em, Red. I'll end him and then all'll be over."

Your eyes flew open. Concentration lost for a solid minute and even when you closed them again, trying with all your might to reach them, it was futile.

"Shit, shit, SHIT!"

Scrambling to your feet, you ran to the hotel you were staying it, the pressure of a really bad thing climbing to your bones.

/////////o.o/////////

"So now we're hunting a Castle and a Red?" Bucky asked while you waited for said men to appear, you didn't know when they were going to be here, or how much of a threat they were capable of, but the way Castle talked about the mutant told you enough to know he wasn't one. So instead of trying to dig for more info, like Sharon at right suggested, you took all your lest heavy weapons, took Bucky and Sharon, sending Sam as a snipper into one of the buildings and camped in the dumpster. After three days and two nights, Bucky was starting to get on your nerves.

"For the twenty fifth time, Barnes, yes, now shut up, please" Sharon answered. Looking through night-goggles. After a few seconds of silence with Bucky cleaning his weapon, she murmured your name softly. "I see two figures coming," you quickly took your own, focusing on the both silhouettes, one was barely lit by the moonlight, he was all clad in red, Red, and the other was bulkier and taller, Castle. "The red one stopped walking."

You didn't dare speak "Shit, that's Daredevil and The Punisher." Said Sam through the comms.

"You've worked with them before?" Sharon spoke, getting her ammo checked and unlocking her three guns. Bucky nodded, "Once, it was enough to know the man is a psycho and the other is no better." You gulped, you knew the reason why you have heard them, still you didn't acknowledge it, you didn't want to. If they were here for one of the most important people in your life, then it would only bring you pain. "They're close tho, they wanna hide it but, i think it's pretty obvious." He moved his chin, like signalling at them and there they were, moving like a unity, Castle kept his gun pointed slightly down, ready to shoot in a movement, and Daredevil kept a steady a few steps behind.

"They probably know we're here, you should go out." Sharon and you shared a look at Sam suggestion. "Daredevil has super hearing or somethin'"

"He's a mutant?"

"Nah, only an enhanced. That's what they told us at least."

"Let's go then." Murmured your blonde friend. You still didn't dare speak and instead opted to put on your mask and yellow goggles. "Why are you-?" You cut in before she could finish.

"Caution." The metallic voice coming through the vents of your mask would suffice. If the man used a mask, he could be any one, he would naturally detect your voice if you ever had had contact. And you weren't risking your privacy, didn't matter if they were your- your- "Ugh, let's go."

"Gentlemen, good night." Greeted Sharon, while coming two steps in front of Bucky and you, her hands relaxed at her side, close enough to grab at her guns, and you and the Soldier fanned behind her slowly, setting a perimeter to reach them as well.

The Punisher and Daredevil were defensive, muscles waiting at the least threat to set into attack mode. When the Devil talked you immediately recognised his voice. Matthew Murdock.

"Splendid time for a walk it seems." The phrase made for setting the contact with Frank's intel flew over all your heads.

"Not so much, sadly." Answered Bucky and in one blink of an eye The Punisher's guns, each in one hand was pointed towards Sharon and Bucky, a little insulting if you admit it, but it was an obvious reaction, they were the only ones with fire guns, yours were just a little less visible.

In automatic, Sharon and Bucky pointed to them as well and the little red dot from somewhere in the far buildings behind, found home at Castle's head. "You'll probably want to put that down, Castle." You spoke and if he or the Devil were surprised with you saying his name or whatever, they didn't show. "If they are already here," Frank thought, "it's probably obvious they know about our names as well."

"A pretty logic thinking, but that could back fire at us if we give away too much info." Whispered Matt to his soulmate's mind.

You looked at the way they stood there, unmoving, without answering. They are talking to each other. And so you decided to play a little, after all, you were trained by the beat liars in the world: If you want to lie, then you have to believe your own lies, they aren't as much but truths, truths you aren't trying to make believe but truths your are informing.

"What would they think of you if they saw you with him, Red?" You spoke and he turned his head a little, Frank's eyes glancing so fast to his partner that you would have missed it, but Sharon and yourself were pretty focused on every inch of reaction. She knew exactly what you were doing. "I don't think Page and Nelson would be so happy about you running around with a murderer."

Aaaand... there it was. Murdock's body stiffen and Castle's head turned to look at him directly.

"What are you doing here?" A smirk played in your lips, he didn't bite.

"Perhaps you don't care too much because, option one: You don't care about them, their reactions." Bucky didn't move at your side, he was probably hearing Sam's breathing, steady and grounding. "Which I doubt from what I've seen." Sharon's multitasking was perfect, pointing her guns at both men, following the chit chat, listening for threats. "Number two: They already know and don't give a shit because they love you." No reaction. "Number three: they've come with you."

Matt Murdock was an impulsive man, as we already know. So it was no surprise that his other face of the coin, the Devil, sometimes took his place to make things, no, not better. Actually worst. That's why he reacted the most stupid way he did.

Frank barely registered when his other stupid half ran straight towards Sharon, who didn't give two shits and shoot to his leg, leaving him screaming on the floor. Frank shoot her but didn't have in mind that you all had more technology from Tony –blessed Tony Stark wherever he is now– and as soon the bullets touched the invisible shield surrounding you, they flew backwards in every other direction.

Surprised filled Frank and terror soon stroked next, when Bucky shifted and shot him straight to his calf, bullet coming out, just like Sharon's bullet to Daredevil.

"Don't you dare touch him!" Screamed Murdock when you approached Frank. You stoped in your tracks and sent him an annoyed glare. "I'm not stupid, double D, calm your nipples."

You crouched down, away from Frank's trembling form and were met by his eyes trying to kill you. "Why are you here?"

"Tha's non of y'business." He answered, barely containing his pained groans.

"It is my business when someone wants to reach my boss." You said, firm pulse containing the lie. He only stared at you for a second but his gaze snapped towards Matt when he tried to move away from an approaching Bucky.

"I have to apply pressure in that leg. Or you'll bleed out." Bucky got closer to Murdock, with Sharon following behind every move. Still Matt didn't dare to speak and for what you could see, Castle was about to scream some more, this time at the soldier.

Murdock nodded one time and Bucky got into action, cleaning the affected area as fast as possible without doing more damage and applying the drying spry for the wound. "And who are they?" Asked the man in red, pointing to you and Sharon with his chin. Sharon didn't waver in pointing at Daredevil nor Castle, not even when Bucky send her a pointed look.

"We're the ones that will end you if you don't answer our questions, man." Replied Sharon.

"Sorry before hand, blonde." Said Murdock.

"Sorry about what?" Before any of you could say something else, Frank screamed "Cristianismo!" Leaving you all weirded out for a few seconds, until Sam spoke through the comms telling you that there were red dots on your backs.

"Well shit." You whispered.

In front of you, Bucky stood still, and you did the same when the voices of unknown people were heard from speakers all around the place.

For a moment Frank knew they were saved, this wasn't the first time someone had shoot them in what seemed a pretty civilised environment, he never imagined that people that used to be part of the avengers would ever wield a gun against someone, not even someone like them. He looked at you, like an unknown force that dare him to lay his eyes on you once, and then twice.

Your mask and yellow goggles didn't let him known for sure your features, not even your hair was visible, but the way you moved, the way you spoke, that was something that got his eye. However, the moment was lost when the voice he was expecting with such conviction, wasn't exactly the one he hoped to hear.

"Well, well, well... look what the fuck we got here."

Soon more red dots appeared in the heads of Castle and Matt, and yours and your friends. And so, a collective "Shit" was heard, it would have been comical, and if Wade was here for sure he would have laughed.

"When I told you to bring the party, Mr. Castle. This wasn't what I meant." A laugh was heard through the speakers and the "meow" of a cat. "Shh, darling, daddy's working. What was I saying? Ah! Yes, yes... yes..." Bucky and Sharon shared a look. In front of them, the injured men didn't move. "Bring my friends to me. Kill the others. Good bye, little flowers!"

"What!"

"Sam!"

"You fuckheads!"

Before the shots could be heard, Sam let go the eon bomb, stopping any kind of energy to run, so the comms turn off, the guns stopped working and the entire lights stopped working. Like about twenty people got out of seemingly nowhere, annoyed as hell, and Matt was the only one that could take notice of their exact spot.

"They are coming from all around us! You all need to leave!" He screamed at your team.

Bucky shared a short conversation with his soulmate, that soon turned into a rippled scream that told you and Sharon enough about what was going on in that building, away from all of you. "I need to go! I need to...!" He didn't even finished his sentence when you and Sharon started to run alongside him, leaving the men laying on the floor who were soon surrounded by their new "friend" and the hanging feeling on your chest that you did something very, very wrong.

But you ignored it, again, and followed your friends to help Sam.

The lights came back as you all were in the building, climbing the first fly of stairs. Outside of there, you couldn't pick a single sound, your forceful puffs of air while trying to get there on time not letting your ears get anything else but the thrumming of your head or the burning in your lungs.

"Sam!" Bucky threw himself through the door, watching his soulmate fighting five people on his own, without a second thought hi got into action and not even Sharon or you, that got there ten seconds after, were fast enough to help. Poor Sam was left standing there right about to punch another fellow that was grabbed by the neck and thrown across the room, the force cracking his skull on the wall and ending him just as fast.

"Wow." Whispered Sharon and you couldn't do anything else but nod with big doe eyes. So powerful was the love, that the heavy feeling from moments ago started to tug to you, like commanding you to go back outside, to help the men that surely were being drag now into a trap.

You were going mad, probably, you weren't a hundred percent sure, but when you realised the "I need to follow them" phrase came out of your mouth and stumbled through the door running down the stairs and jumping three at a time, you were already helping Castle and Murdock kick the shit out of the ten people left in there.

Both of them saw you running to help. But in very different ways. Frank was there, watching over the shoulder of the man he was literally kicking to death, you sprinting towards another that was pointing directly at Matt and how in one flying kick you broke his spine. The bullet flying in the opposite direction. You turned to look at him and Frank send you a nod, which you reciprocated.

Matthew was another story. He first heard you with clarity, like his ability to identify Frank's footsteps had suddenly expanded towards yours, with only meeting. Although he knew, he wasn't completely sure, but he had the suspicion that he had already heard the compass of your walking. After spotting you around them, he could smell your adrenaline, the sweat that clung to your body and the aroma that told him exactly who you were, and, for his own shame, his foot almost slipped with the revelation.

Like transported for a mili second, he was back on the day you were on his firm with the Soldiers. It was definitely you, and now he knew, he fucking knew for sure, Barnes and Wilson were two assholes that deserved to have a good ass kicking for shooting them both. And you for acting all so incapable of harming someone. Not like he wasn't doing the exact same thing but, you get the point.

"Castle! At your left!" The man followed your warning, dodging a punch with a metal bar that opened his chances to strike at his attacker and left him unconscious.

A couple more minutes after. The fight was over, leaving you three gasping for air and hurting in many places.

The mental fight began between Frank and Matt. Like always, there was the pull that dared them get closer. To get to help each other, care for each of their wounds in the gentle manner and un-judging way a soulmate can. First assessing in mentality, asking themselves if the were damaged beyond scraped, cuts or punches. But when their closed banter was starting, your voice shut them up inmeadiatly, lulling them instead into paying you close attention. Like dogs who are in the middle of being defensive and wanting to trust.

"You two look like shit." They didn't answer and you took that as a good sign. What are you doing down there, Y/N? You ignored Sam's voice through the comms. "I have medical supplies that can help you but first we need to get out of here."

"I assume you have more questions at hand, don't ya' sweetheart?" Frank took a step closer to you, at his side, the other man was a little unsure.

"Y/N?" Looking at Murdock you could only nod, Castle didn't look surprised. "Why? I mean-" he licked his lips, a question hanging heavy between you three. "I can tell you whatever you want to know if, only if you come with me. After all," your eyes settled in Castle's with a heaviness to them that his breath got stuck on his throat. "I have questions of my own, darling." His adan apple bobbed and you knew you had him right where you wanted.

You eyes twinkle with the knowledge that these men here, right there in front of you were probably trying to hunt down the most important man in your life, you were going to do whatever the shit was needed to stop them, even if you had to fight them, kill them and die trying.

But then... then you heard it.

"I don't like this, Red. They just shot us!" You could swear that the big man lips didn't move and you could swear that....

"HOLY SHIT!" You and Matthew flinched at the same time when he screamed, his almost always controlled voice getting louder and louder, both in your heads and in the outside.

"Did you just speak in my head!" Joining to his string of curses he took a step closer to you and even if he kept on murmuring obscenities no one could deny the look of amazement on his irises. "You are- are there, right there- here."

It felt weird. Not like finding something you have been searching for, not quite like it but close enough.

You were your entire everything before this moment. Like there was no other someone that was waiting for you or you were waiting for. The parts of you that were full, didn't suddenly got to make space for two split souls you just encounter, no, no. On the contrary, it's like you expanded, like the world you lived in, your little you suddenly decided that here, tight now, those two men right there were an extension of you.

A void that has never been a void. A void that is still a void ob blackness that is you, a darkness so deep that makes you what you are because it can mold, it can reflect the light that wants come inside it and make it its own and now, now there were two more voids that were, that are, to make you company.

"I can feel your head spiralling." Chuckled Murdock, just not out loud, and it was a different voice, something softer, something like silk that ran through your sensitive fibres, making your last cell purr in pure extasis. "Dear mother of fucking christ." Frank let out a loud laugh with your mumble that made an echo inside of you, waves that slowly formed with the deep sound of one of your soulmates.

"Welcome to the club."

For seconds that got longer and longer you three stood there, not knowing what to do but more so hearing each others rush of thoughts. The "And now what?" "What do we do?" "This is soooo fucked up."

Honestly you couldn't blame them, your own mind made you believe that you were dreaming, like your body was there but you were watching everything from the outside.

"I-" Murdock got interrupted by the sounds of many screeching cars near the place, the reality of the situation came crashing down again in all of you.

This wasn't the most preferably moment to have an encounter. "We have to move" whispered Frank on his head and there you went. The comms going off with the soft bump of someone crashing them and fear started to creep to you. You could hear both of the men in your head, telling you to keep running, even if you were ahead of them and they could barely stand on their not so healed legs.

Still, you didn't let on your speed, jumping over the fence even with the sudden gunshots going off all around you, lights that didn't quite reach any of you but that surely would have had if only you were slower.

You didn't went back to the point of encounter with your team, not daring to bring back more danger than was already ahead of them. Letting your chaser follow you to the deep forest far north of the place. "Cheers for American random forests" you thought. "Not time for joking, kid." Frank's mind answered to you.

You only kept running, to the thickest of the forest.

Looking to Frank getting a car engine started you thought in all the ways he could do the work faster. How he was making it all the more complicated way and how you knew different tactics for that, Castle only spared few quick glances at you, grunting low every now and then.

Matthew was far away, doing his god knows what, but for the newly connection his string of curses to the paperless toilet was pretty clear.

"Got it." The man in black finally got the engine purring steadily, "Hurry up before we leave you here, Red."

Not you nor him dare to glance at each other, he kept his gaze looking through the front glass and you through the copilot window.

You didn't know what you were doing. Going along with them and helping them buy stuff from the pharmacy was like playing to the fucking doll house. Many questions hanged from your mind, they were there and they could read them. Each one of them and yet, they all went ignored. Castle only looked at you in few occasions, not daring to share, not daring to ask.

Murdock just stood into his playful self of pure Daredevil. Joking once in a while and sassing you and Frank with every step you took. But behind all that you could sense that this wasn't new for them. Being defensive. Unattached.

It was a match were even if you happened to be a new player, knew the rules very well and followed them to the letter. After all, Yelena and Natasha and yourself used to be like this. Unapproachable but making believe the world mattered when in reality it was far from it.

And now this two men were like you were years ago. Before meeting and joining the Avengers. Emotionally constipated.

"What the fuck does that even mean?" Castle looked at you through the mirror, a hint of amusement in his tone. "Just speaking my mind, man. Can't even do that?" Snorting he looked away to an approaching Matt.

There was no point in stoping the conversation when Murdock entered the back seat, so you didn't dare not answer when Frank continued talking, "Your sisters?" A lump formed in your throat and he glanced at you briefly, an intensity heavy of understanding, even if it were only few seconds, for your damaged soul it was warm enough to lit a fire your years. "Yes"

That was the only thing you answered. Frank nodded and a quiet pat on your shoulder was given by Matt.

For the next half an hour no more words were exchanged, just images that flew past from them to you and vice versa.

"I thought we lost them!" You wheezed, Murdock hanging for dear life to the edge of a cliff, Frank panting at your side and like you grabbing the terrified hanging man from one arm to pull it towards yourselves.

Far away the crashing sound of the car still echoed all around the hills, a coming explosion throwing black smoke that would take time to evaporate away.

Matt was clutching your and Frank's hand, his eyes blinking, moving one side to another trying to make out your faces in all of the infernal world he was able to see. Your right hand clutched his t-shirt from the back and your forehead rested on his cheek, sending images of the ocean, the sound of the waves, the smell of the refreshing salty weather.

Frank's hand didn't let go of Murdock's but he didn't got close either, preferring to observe you both, a coming and going of soft reassurances and quiet terrified exhales. He had never been this touchy –if you could call that to holding the wrist of someone so hard to almost leave imprints– with anyone, not after Maria and more strange even, with Red. Knowing that you could someone, that the mere chance of it was about to happen a few seconds ago was enough to not let go of his hand and in exchange Matt gripped his even harder.

You could feel his eyes on you, so you took a peak over Matt's shoulder and there, Frank's little smile, without hesitancies, without awkward feelings.

A tenderness washed over you, this men were just as troubled, just as confused even after years of having each other. But you, you had that question still in you, that nagging part that didn't let your open perspective go over all the details, the changes that were already blooming.

You let yourself enjoy, just for a little bit more. A bittersweet memory of Matt's shaking figure and Frank's frantic eyes, the warmth enveloping your bones.

"Why were you searching for Erik Lensherr?"

The travel by car had come to a stop with said car falling of a cliff and exploding at the bottom. There was nothing left of the supplies, you could fantasise that you made it out of the way from the "secret friend" of Castle, the stupid prick of a soulmate that was now hanging from a post, his hands over his head, prickling from lost of blood.

It wasn't surprising that after trying to fight the men that got you against the edge of the mountain you wouldn't be able to over power them. Fighting five each and being to tired to go against the rest of them, almost like twenty more. More and more you try to grab sand in your fist, the more it slips between your fingers until everything went dark.

So here you were now, hanging from a post, the same way as Murdock and Castle, hands over head tied together and aching ribs.

They didn't need to look to deep into your mind to see the memories barely contained of your days with Erik, the good ones and some dark ones that you let slip. It was hard trying to block them out, but you were a fast learner.

Matt took a long breath and sighed tiredly, this wasn't going to end well. "I have very strong suspicions that your beloved Magneto helped in murdering my family." Frank locked eyes with you, a strong feeling behind them, something you knew very, very well.

Revenge.

But you couldn't believe such a thing, maybe a little, Erik after all used to have many enemies, and getting rid of them was a speciality of his but, you were there looking at Frank giving you the bomb of information that some stranger gave him. "How you know this friend of your isn't lying?"

Matt grumbled a little, his tied extremities starting to get itchy. "Probably should talk some other time." Nor you or Castle spared him a glance.

"I trust him, he had some pretty logical reasons." Even with five meters separating you from each other and the barely lit room you could see his eyes setting on stone, getting defensive. Squinting your eyes you didn't dare think about something else but what you were about to ask. "And that's it? You think that because someone know simple things about you that make them trust worth it?"

"They aren't simple things," Frank seethed through greeted teeth "And no one-" he looked at you, Lensherr was someone you cared about, someone you were right now defending, you. He didn't know you, he had never hoped but for life to give him a glimpse, a single second of being with his other soulmate even if it was just a glimpse through a crowd street and no more. Right now tho? He was starting to regret it, mainly because his soulmate was talking back at him in pos of one of the murderers of his family, his children, his wife.

Matt inclined his head, his brain starting to pound with the mental battle, the conclusions so fast running from one mind to another. The mask off his face only made it better for you and Frank to watch the worried barely contained expression, but it's not like any of you two would lose the staring battle.

"Are you defending him?" The words were spitted out his mouth, and it would have made you flinch, the anger behind them and the promise of something that probably would never get fixed. His heart got into a steady rhythm on his chest, like when he was calculating the perfect angle for shooting. You with your vulnerable position just like him and a lot of alone time but not enough time all in the same moment, just closed your mind, he didn't care. "What if I am?"

There it was.

Frank Castle rejoiced a few hours ago, when your connection got stable, when Red and him woke up first than you and he was able to look at your face ridden of that mask and glasses. A gorgeous sight even in the fucking cell they were. His chest wanted to have you close, the longing was there and he knew with a little more time, just like what happened with Red and him, you three would find a peace in your daily lives.

But he had forgotten about Erik Lensherr and the way you had pronounced his name, with a voice that had behind curiosity, caution, even fondness, and then the world was clear from the high of being reunited.

He shook his head, not believing, not wanting to believe, "You're not better than him."

Pain crushed your mind, a feeling not so foreign for you. Many times back in the red room they had tried to cut your connection, prolonging the mental pain and allowing the suffering to clean you from the bond that hadn't bloom at that time. It would have surprised you that he wouldn't dare to break the connection "Castle, stop right now, don't you fucking dare!" Matt revolved against the chains, his body wanting to get closer to his soulmate crying soul, both of you were lashing against each other and he wasn't sure if he agreed with you or him, he just couldn't .

Frank's lost had been –and still was– a wound that wouldn't close, it wasn't bleeding or infected. The pus had been cleaned and patched but the stitches would reopen every now and then, right after the anniversary of their deaths or when they encounter people left that knew about the most minimal detail, no matter how insignificant it was.

Now tho, he could feel again the blood going straight to his head not allowing him to think of anything beyond the rage, the misery and so before any of you could speak the door opened reviling him.

"What is this my eyes see? A hound? A wolf?" He looked at you, the incredulity shining in your eyes. For more than ten years you- you believed that- "A little kitten perhaps?" His white teeth were left in sight when he smiled, a face you recognised so well from the memories, from nightmares.

"(Y/n), look at me, look at me." The man in front of you continued talking, Frank's voice reaching your ears as well, his menacing tone but not quite understanding anything beyond this monster getting near you and the feeling of his cold hands on your face. "Focus on me, sweetheart, please, focus on my voice. I need you to breath." Matt was pleading, your memories going in all directions for him and Castle, the man still talking to him, to them, touching your face like a lover would and you there just unmoving, with the edge in your mind that got their ears with a numb noise, just like years before, when they knew about your existence.

It was maddening, seeing you there so close again, and they were unable to do anything.

Frank's rage went below the surface, his own pain coming back, the guilt of not being capable of helping in the right time. "Do not fucking touch them! I swear I would end your fucking life!"

Matt's hands buckled against the restrains, his wrists going lax and slowly trying on disarticulating his union with the thumb.

"Erik Lensherr!" Screamed Frank at the man in front of them and Matt stoped his movements looking at Frank like he had grown a second hand. "I am talking to you stupid fucker! Look at me!"

The man caressing your trembling form chuckled without no care he looked back at them. "What do you mean Erik Lensherr?" Asked Matt, not knowing the fuck was going on "Frank, that's not Erik Lensherr."

"Look at him! What do you mean-?" A piece of metal wrapped around his throat, or at least, that's what Frank felt, shutting up inmeadiatly and stretching his neck.

"This is a vision" screamed Matt, your head trying to comprehend and trying to even your breath "He's not real!"

"Dear Matty," an old voice that made his blood run cold came out of the man, Matt couldn't distinguish him, the unusual movement around him, the cackling fire not settling but forming a mass of savage oranges and furious reds. "You're still weak, caring too much, hanging onto useless feelings, kid."

"Well shit." You whispered, the spell of a nightmare going right against Murdock and Frank letting you breath and your mind to clean. "What are you?" You asked. Frank looked at you, too stunned to speak with the flow of memories from Red, you were barely resisting the urge to scream at the thing in front of you. "What are you?" You asked.

"Stick is dead, he is dead, he is dead." said Matt like a mantra, repeating it over and over until he could believe it, until the voice of the old man was lost to his ears and he focused instead on your voice, your questions, the fast beatings of Frank's heart. One of his hands was still on the tight grip of the handcuffs, the other aching and gripping hard to his still trapped wrist, he focused on that pain as well, better than the rage he felt for the last man he almost got to consider family and all the complicated relationship he build around them.

"I am simply a friend of yours that offers an answer for your questions." He spoke to Frank this time and again you couldn't believe that he was trusting this... this thing. "You wanted to know something, I happen to know what you seek for, but every knowledge has a price, what would you give me in return?"

"Don't you dare, Punisher, don't you fu-" your throat got caught by an imaginary metal as well, not that you were able to discern between them, for it felt to real.

Castle looked at you, both between the sword and wall and your warnings ringing high on his head, your whispered angry warnings on his mind "What do you want?" Matt's head moved in his direction and the bubbling anger just got deeper in you.

"I want... I want..." The copy of Erik sing sang, prolonging the vocals and getting nearer to Castle. "You'll have to give me something powerful and old, something strong, yes, yes..." taking a knife out his pocket, you and Matt bristled and screamed when he cut the vest covering Frank's chest. He didn't even care, only looking at the image of Erik in front of him, he didn't care when the bullet proof vest fell to the floor, or when the knife cut through his black clothing, showing his chest. "When you find it, when you take it. You'll bring it to me and your debt will be payed."

A heartbeat pass between your eyes boring into Frank's skull, his closed mind to you not letting the very furious words reach him and Matt's pleas for Frank to don't do it, not accept.

But even if he glanced at both of you he didn't dare refuse "Agreed." The monster in front of your eyes smiled at Frank while rapidly cutting an 'x' on his left pectoral, a hissing came out his mouth and suddenly the cuffs on his wrists and ankles weren't there anymore, letting him to fall to the floor clutching his newly mark chest and that monster disappeared between yours and Matt's swearings and worried screams.

Both of you fell hard to the floor, the room around you disappearing, the poles were no where in sight, the place turned into greens, and mountains and the smell of burning gas and you were again at the edge of the cliff, the car far below you and the sound of cars getting far away from you, through the forest road started to ground you.

For two minutes Matt and you were dumbfounded, "Son of a bitch!" You screamed. "It was an illusion" Murdock scrambled on his knees to you and took your face into his hands, it was rough, the movement of his fingers checking the places the monster touched you. Looking at him, you took his hands away from your face and both got up, running to Castle's whining form on the dirt.

His vest was on him, as well as his shirt but still he clutched his chest, sobbing in a terrible burn that was slowly fading.

With desperation he but tear away his vest and pull down the neckline of the black clothe.

You all sat there, flabbergasted racing hearts that didn't stop you from reaching out and roaming your fingers over the scar in form of an 'x', Frank looked at your hand, tracing the lines that should be hurting, following your arm with his eyes and finding your neck he checked from his spot that your neck wasn't hurt.

Then he looked at Matt, that had a hand on his right shoulder, wandering eyes focusing between him and you. "That was- it all..." his voice barely heard with the wind of the small mountain.

"Yeah." Matt answered.

The sound of an alarm startled you, your minds too tired to take precautions just turned at the forest behind your back and Frank's.

There sat like it was normal a smartphone. Left with the distinguishable tone of an alarm.

Matt got up and offered his hand to you, helping you on your feet while Frank ignored you two and walked to the device waiting for him.

Picking it up and turning off the alarm the screen had a text for image, "We have a deal, check notes, check documents."

"You are so fucked, Castle. I swear..." you murmured.

He was too occupied reading the notes with the date of delivering of what he promised and the place. And then documents with the next stop of Erik Lensherr, his weaknesses, his contacts, his past and his friends.

Frank looked at you, then at Matt a few steps ahead, poetically between you, "I'm not gonna stop 'til s'dead," you knew that, of course you knew, not even a few hours ago you met but his entire life wasn't going to change only because he had you or Matt. You looked at the man between you. His body stiff and surprisingly you heard Frank in your mind as well, reading as fast as he could, generally, through the pages and pages, photos.

"I can't let you hurt him."

" I know." He put the phone on his back pocket and walked to his vest on the floor, picking it up.

"I'll help you find him." You said while watching how he strapped it to his chest and how his hands trembled with your words.

Matt had a sense of deja vu, having being in your place a few weeks ago and for the fleeting cloud of uneasiness at Frank's mind, he knew he wasn't the only one.

Frank Castle stood on all his height, arms limp on each side of his body, rigid shoulders but with strangely soft eyes. "When I find him, I'm gonna kill'm"

You took a step forward, Murdock trying to keep a level headed thinking, not focusing on the many possibilities where you trying to save Lensherr leaded to Frank having to hurt you, or worst.

"I know."

[moonchild-things]

Chapter Thirty-Five: Center Ace

Summary: Shōyō Hinata loves volleyball! There is no doubt that all he really thinks about is volleyball. His sister, however, isn’t the same way. Sakura is ready to start her first year of high school at Karasuno with her twin brother and doesn’t really want to do anything, unlike Shōyō. Though she can’t help it when she gets dragged into the antics of the volleyball club.

Word Count: 6540 

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A/n: A new chapter done ^-^ Apologies for it taking so long, my job has finally gotten busy with work for me to do LET'S GOOO! Now I'm not just bored at a desk like I used to be lol It finally feels like my full time job is actually a full time job, if that makes sense. I want to feel like I'm working for my pay and not just sitting around so this is perfect. I've also just been playing a lot with some friends of mine on stream and stuff and it's so fun! I've become obsessed with Baldur's Gate, I think I've said that before but you don't understand, I need Karlach O.O Anyway, hope you like the chapter!

---

SO MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE PRAYED A little harder. While Nishinoya and Tanaka were barely able to scrape by with their grades, Shōyō and Kageyama weren’t as lucky. So it seemed like they would have to stay behind and take their supplementary classes. Sakura was baffled at the fact that her brother actually would have passed his exam if it wasn’t for the fact that he filled his answers in off by one. That was certainly disheartening. Her brother and Kageyama had actually put in a lot of work to do well. Sakura could do nothing but applaud them for their effort and encourage them to do better next time. Plus she knew that they were going to rush to get here. Apparently, Tanaka had offered his older sister as a ride up to the camp. Sakura was surprised to learn he had an older sister and that she would agree to that, which she somewhat doubted.

Though right now she just had to focus on waking herself up after the decently long car ride. She had taken a short nap on the way over to make up for waking up early, which Yachi had questioned her about. “Why are you coming with us to the practice camp?” Yachi had asked her before Sakura fell asleep. She just blinked slowly, about to answer with something along the lines of “I can for the photography club” but Tsukishima beat her to answering with a snide remark. “She’s her brother’s shadow, wherever he has to be, she’s there.”

It’s safe to say that just hearing his voice put her in a bit of a mood. Though she made sure to keep him from knowing that. However, now they had finally gotten to the Tokyo school, energized enough to start their first long day of practicing. Some of Nekoma’s players were waiting outside as Karasuno arrived, really the last team to show up today. Jumping out of the bus, Nishinoya and Tanaka stared up at the tower in front of them with large eyes. “Could that be…” The two screamed, “The Skytree?!”

Kai Nobuyuki, wing-spiker and vice-captain of Nekoma, just shook his head, “No, that’s just a transmission tower.” The hyena laugh that came from Kuroo seemed to be warranted with how the two Karasuno dummies kept thinking that it was the skytree.

The two dummies just screamed, “Here we are, Tokyo!”

With tired eyes, after quite the ride here, Asahi blinked, “The scenery’s not that different from Miyagi.”

“Well,” Suga shrugged, “we’re in the suburbs.”

Endo climbed off the bus, “It would be nice to go into the city. I know the best cafe for something to eat.” He was slightly dejected, hoping to have been able to go out on the city if they were close enough. Endo loves going on little trips to the city, especially with friends. He’s definitely always in for a fun time of hanging out, shopping, and eating when they go. Still, the camp will be fine.

Behind them, Tanaka and Nishinoya were pushing poor Tsukishima towards the school shouting, “Walk faster!” A sight that Sakura was more than happy with seeing, since it annoyed him and she wanted to see him suffering somewhat.

“Actually, hey…” Kuroo glanced around, noticing something, and leaned over to the Karasuno captain, “Aren’t we missing some people?”

Daichi scratched the back of his head, “Actually…”

Sakura passed them with her own yawn, “The idiots didn’t pass their exams.” She just hoped that they didn’t rush through the exams this time to fail again. They would be going as fast as they could so they could leave as soon as possible to get here. The last thing that they need is to fail the supplementary exams as well, and add onto their problems. Though she has a feeling that they were just nervous the first time they took their exams, so this time they should be fine. After all, she’s been working on being a bit more of an optimist than a realist, so she’ll have some optimism about their exams.

Kuroo nodded his head, the group now walking into the school, “So the power duo’s taking some supplementary exams right now?”

“Yeah… But, well…”

“Th… Th…” They looked to see that it was Yamamoto who was gaping at the newest addition to the Karasuno team. He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face, “There’re three girls now! Now they’ve got a pretty one, a gorgeous one, and a cute one!” 

Sakura blinked, disturbed by the Tanaka-clone’s behavior. She certainly hadn’t missed seeing Yamamoto especially now that he was going to bother them for Yachi being around now.

Tanaka made it a point to slide on over. With his arms stretched out, an air of superiority surrounding him, “Do you see, Tora? This is what Karasuno’s true ability looks like.”

Yamamoto cringed under the blinding radiance coming off of them.“So bright!”

“OI! Don’t pester them!” Yua called out to Yamamoto, watching the strange interactions, “You’re being creepy!” She walked up to Yamamoto and tried to get him to stand back up, since it was strange that he was on the ground crying. Though she did find it slightly amusing that Tanaka was standing over Yamamoto triumphantly as he cried in defeat.

Though Yamamoto continued to cry, “Two… managers.”

Yua huffed, “Hey, we’ve got a manager too, me!”

“But you’re not cute or gorgeous,” Yamamoto continued to sob in despair. 

Yua took a moment to process what he said before her eyes twitched, “What did you just say?” It was safe to say that Yua had quite an intense scolding for Yamamoto. He really needs to learn to either keep his mouth shut or not say things about her like that. Though after two years of knowing each other, Yua was unsure if he would ever learn.

“Let’s go,” Kiyoko was barely affected at seeing the display of patheticness before just ushering Yachi away.

Yachi nodded her head nervously, “R-Right…” It was all a bit overwhelming, being around all these new guys, and she’s only seen a few of them. Sakura had made sure to warn her that quite a few of them are quite over dramatic and energetic, so Yachi had an idea of what to expect. She already knew this week was going to be quite loud.

“How long do you think it’ll take for the troublesome duo to get here?” Endo asked as he and Asahi walked side-by-side towards the school.

Asahi shrugged his shoulders, “Soon, probably. They were determined to get here as fast as possible.”

“Hm,” Endo eyed him with pursed lips. A smirk slowly grew on his face, “Let’s make a bet. I say that they won’t make it in time for a game. Safe to say you think they will.” Asahi nodded his head, “So If I win, we’ll go out to eat this saturday. What do you want if you win?”

“Out to e-eat?” It wasn’t something completely foreign for the two to go out to eat. They used to do it a lot when they weren't so busy with school or club stuff. Either they would go out with others or just the two of them, nothing too out of the ordinary. However, maybe it was an accumulation of some mounting feelings and revelations that made it feel a bit more… intense to Asahi. At least, he wasn’t sure how to explain it at the moment. He didn’t necessarily know why, but it was certainly making him nervous. 

Oblivious to the fact that his best friend was now over thinking things, Endo asked, “You want the same? Hm?” He finally saw how dumbfounded Asahi looked with added pink cheeks. Endo tilted his head in confusion,  “Are you okay, Asahi?”

Asahi jumped out of his thoughts, “Y-Y-Yes.”

He just blinked at the way that Asahi became a bit jumpy, “All right. So whoever wins gets to pick the place to eat, sounds good.” 

Kuroo and Kai continued to lead Karasuno into the gym. There were already quite a few teams who were there going about their practices. The scuffing of sneakers and the bouncing of balls echoed in the gym as they all took in their opponents. “All right. When you’re all ready, come to the gym.” Kuroo said, “The other guys are already there.”

There was a hardened expression on the majority of the Karasuno crow’s faces. They were ready to take on the challenge of taking on these teams. Daichi nodded his head, “Yeah.”

They all then had to get ready. The boys changed into their practice clothes and squared away their belongings in the classroom they were sleeping in. Sakura stuck to staying around Yachi for the most part, helping her out with anything that she might need to do. After all, she didn’t really have anything else to do at the moment and she wasn’t sure what to do. They were introduced to the other managers of the teams, which meant that Sakura had to deal with talking to Yua again.

“Hina! So good to see you again!” Had Sakura not jumped out of the way, she would have been swept off her feet by the Nekoma manager. The managers had come together to help each other set up their places to sleep. All of them had been nice and greeted the Karasuno girls happily, though most of them were quick since they all had to be on the court with their own teams. The only one who seemed to make it a priority to have a conversation with the newcomers was Yua. Her sparkly green eyes were bright with happiness that Sakura was there as well as all her other friends. After all, it’s not all the time that she gets to hang out with other managers. She then spotted the blonde girl next to Sakura and bowed to her, “I apologize for Yamamoto’s behavior earlier, he really doesn’t know how to act around girls.”

Yachi nodded, “I-It’s okay.”

“Honestly, he says he’s jealous of any team that has a female manager when I’m his manager!” Yua huffed and looked at the younger girls, “I’m cute too, right? Gorgeous? Adorable?” She shook her head before anyone could give her an answer, “Don’t answer I already know I am. Anyway, it’s lovely to meet you, I’m Yua.”

Yachi’s eyes were wide at the energetic nature of this older girl. Though after being around the Karasuno volleyball team, she’s used to some eccentric personalities. Yachi just smiled, “Nice to meet you too, I’m Yachi Hitoka.”

Yua cooed,  “Oh, Yamamoto was right, you are cute!”

“Don’t bother my friend,” Sakura grumbled, pulling Yachi away from Yua’s clutches.

The brown-haired girl gasped, “You admit you have friends!” Since she last saw Sakura, she hadn’t talked much to her. Yua knew that Kenma and her had become friendly and would text every once in a while. She may have tired to get Sakura’s number from him, since she certainly wanted to try being friendly with her as well, but Kenma kept that information to himself. After all, he found it kind of creepy if he just gave her Sakura’s number. Though as far as Yua could tell, Sakura wasn’t one for having actual friends. Oh, she found it so heartwarming to see that Sakura does have friends.

Sakura just deadpanned, “Don’t you have managerial things to do?”

“Oh, you're right! See you girls on the court!” With that, Yua skipped away to go do her managerial duties. Yachi blinked at Sakura, definitely not as prepared as she thought to meet some of these people.

After a while, Karsuno finished putting their belongings away and became acquainted with a few others. Now it was time for the boys to get ready to join in on the practicing. “Once we’re done with our warm ups,” Kuroo explained to Daichi, “we’ll regroup and the teams will play each other in rotation.” There were four other teams that were practicing around the gym. Most of them Karasuno had never come close to competing against in the past. Though Karasuno was definitely not going to waste this perfect opportunity to learn how to play against a variety of different play styles or meet these other players. 

“Right.”

Kuroo continued, “The team who loses their set will do a penalty lap of diving drills around the court.”

“Diving?” Yachi asked with a tilt of her head.

Kiyoko answered her, “They’re going to act like they’re diving to receive a ball. They’ll slide across the floor on their chests, with their arms stretched out in front of them.”

Surveying the other teams, Sugawara noticed someone unfamiliar from the cat’s team. He asked Asahi and Endo next to him, “Hey, was that guy with Nekoma the last time we had a practice match with them?” The trio looked over to see that there was a gray-haired, green eyed boy staring directly at them. He definitely wasn’t with Nekoma when they had their practice match together.

Asahi jumped slightly at the piercing gaze, “The one who’s staring hard at us?”

Suga nodded, “Yeah.”

“No… I don’t think so.”

“Hey! Green eyes!” Endo called over, causing the gray-haired boy to focus on him now. He stuck his tongue out at the boy, “take a picture, it'll last longer!”

Lev Haiba, the half-russian middle blocker for Nekoma, just tilted his head slightly at Endo’s shout. He wasn’t flustered over the fact of getting caught staring at them, he just turned back to continue practicing. The trio gaped at just how tall he actually was, even if he slouched just slightly. He definitely was going to be a bit of a difficult opponent. Though that just meant they were going to hopefully learn and evolve as a team at this camp, right?

---

The shiny idea that Karasuno was a powerhouse school was dampened slightly. While they weren’t some mediocre team or the fallen crows they used to be, they were still suffering through the penalty over and over again. They just couldn’t get a hand up against their opponents, which made sense. Karasuno sure has made a name for themselves in Miyagi, but some of these teams from Tokyo were on a bit of a different level. A level that they would have to rise to soon.

Another loss was racked against Karasuno, this time at the hands of Fukurōdani. When the whistle blew signifying the end of the game, the score was 16-25. On the sidelines, Ukai, Takeda, Kiyoko, Yachi, and Sakura stood up from their seats with solemn expressions. “As we suspected,” Takeda grumbled, “they’re very strong.”

Ukai nodded, “Yeah.”

The boys started their lap of diving, which made Sakura cringe. She never would think of having to dive onto the floor like that. Personally, she thinks that it would be painful. Another reason why she would never be on any sports team. She just shook her head, why some people put themselves through this baffles me, she thought to herself. As much as she thought that being athletic was impressive, some of the training that they put themselves through just seemed masochistic to her. In her opinion, she’s more of a sadist than anything.

During most of the games, Sakura had been helping Yachi with understanding some nuances of volleyball, to make her job as manager easier. Yachi, the scholar that she is, had already done quite a bit of studying on her own. However, she could never go wrong with asking questions or getting insight from someone who watches volleyball almost daily. Sakura explained as much as she could, the rules, positions, terminology, whatever Yachi wanted to know, Sakura would explain it. It felt nice to at least do something productive while sitting there. She didn’t see a point in doing her job as a photographer at the moment, so being somewhat useful to Yachi was fulfilling enough.

“It’s not that we’re not on top of it.” Ukai grunted, “This is just what it means to be a team that competes in the nationals.”

They then heard the shouts from the game besides them and watched as quite the intense serve. A serve that was not able to be returned at all. Yachi jumped in worry, “Their arms are gonna snap off!” The power behind those serves would certainly tear the limbs off of anyone, in her opinion.

“Everyone on that team is a very strong server,” Kiyoko said.

Yachi perked up, “The manager from Ubugawa mentioned that. They put their all into their serves.”

Kiyoko nodded, “Yeah. I think it’s a bit harsh how they have to do a hundred serves at the end of their practices. Ubugawa High School’s serves are its ultimate attack.”

Ukai smirked, “But once we’re able to return that serve…”

They watched as all of the boys on the court continued to play. The team playing against Ubugawa all started to run up to the net, confusing anyone on just who was going to end up spiking the ball. “Whoa! They’re all moving at once?!” Yachi marveled.

“That was an amazing combo,” Kiyoko marveled.

“Th-There are people jumping up everywhere.” Yachi said, taking a moment to try and comprehend it, “I can’t tell who’s going to hit it.”

Sakura tapped her chin in thought, “it creates the perfect amount of confusion for their opponents.” Maybe something that Karasuno should attempt to do, she could only hope that they could actually do it.

Kiyoko nodded her head, “They are indeed the masters of using combos. Shinzen High School.”

The group turned around to stare at the game behind them. Takeda pursed his lips, “And then we have our destined rivals…” They turned to watch the cats as they were playing against Fukurodani.

Ukai’s lips turned up just a little bit, “Those are some excellent receives, as usual.” Even if they were their eternal rivals, doesn’t mean he can’t be impressed with how disciplined they were with their receives.

“The school that’s known to pick up the ball, connect, and wait for the perfect chance to counter attack: Nekoma High School.”

They all were enraptured by the game between Nekoma and their opponent. Ukai blinked, “And…”

The white and black haired ace of Fukurōdani shouted out loudly, “Akaashi!”

“Bokuto-san!” His setter responded in kind as he set the ball for him. Just from watching from the sidelines, everyone could feel just how powerful the teen was as he run and jumped up towards the ball.

“Just like Ushiwaka, he’s one of the top five aces heading to the nationals,” Takeda explained. They watched as his spike broke through the Nekoma’s blockers, Kenma and Lev, super easily. It even caused Sakura to cringe a bit at the sight of it. It definitely was an extremely powerful hit.

“Damn it, Kenma!” Coach Nekomata bristled on the sidelines, “Don’t run away!”

Kenma just shrugged his shoulders, “But my arms are gonna break off…”

“They won’t!”

“All right!” The ace shouted, “I’m so awesome! Hey, hey hey!” 

“Why are volleyball idiots so loud,” Sakura wondered, her ears certainly wishing for a break after so much yelling.

Meanwhile, the Nekoma manager was bouncing on the balls of her feet, “Good job, Bo-kun!” Her eyes were wide in admiration and wonder, as any hit by Bokuto always impressed her. No matter how many times she’s seen it.

Kuroo rounded on her with a ticked off expression, “Don’t cheer for the enemy, Yua!”

Yua whined, “But that was so cool!”

“Thank you, nee-san!” The owl on the other team shouted in thanks with an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Back over with Karasuno, those on the sidelines were taking in the power of Fukurōdani. It was one thing to hear about such a good player like a top five ace, it was another to see it in person. “We’re very thankful…” Takeda started, “a school whose powerful team is led by a powerful ace to compete in the nationals: Fukurōdani Academy. To be able to take on such amazing teams…”

“Yeah. However, this is no time to be scared of how strong our opponents are.” Ukai grunted, “We have to be on the same level as these guys.”

Sakura clicked her tongue, “Let’s just hope that they can rise to the challenge.” 

---

Karasuno had to do yet another penalty lap. At this point, they should just expect having to do it once they start a game. They really were trying their best, but they just couldn’t get the edge over the other teams. Maybe that was because these teams have been playing at a higher skill set than Karasuno for longer, or that Karasuno still had plenty of kinks to work out. Either way, Karasuno was missing something to give themselves that push to triumph over the other teams.

While it wasn’t necessarily her job, and she should probably let Kiyoko and Yachi do it, Sakura took some notes. Since she didn’t really see a point to taking photos at the moment, especially with Karasuno’s performance. Though she was just making small notes that she deemed important. Mainly just weaknesses that she noticed were quite blatantly obvious. Such as one specific player having a bit of difficulty blocking on one side of the net, a player having shotty footwork, or a player’s receives being less than stellar. She did it for every team. 

Sakura has always been analytical, to a fault. Constantly taking mental notes about herself and others caused her to be critical about some little things as time. Though she does try her best not to be judgemental. Either way, she knew that she was going to at least share these notes when needed. They could do what they want with that information once she told them. Though she wasn’t going to tell them what to do with it. She knew that they would use whatever they could to their advantage. She just hoped that it worked.

“How many times have they lost already?” A boy from another team asked.

Another shrugged his shoulders, “They’re not exactly weak, just sorta… mediocre.”

“Who are the first-years that Nekoma had such a hard time with?” A third asked, “Maybe Nekoma was exaggerating.”

From a little further away, Yachi bristled at their comments. She didn’t really like the fact that they were undermining Karasuno as a team. She’s only just officially joined the team, but she’s certainly grown attached. Yachi definitely didn’t like any bad mouthing of her friends.

Kiyoko just giggled lightly, “Calm down, Hitoka-cahn. There, there. It’s okay.” She found it cute that Yachi was defensive of the team already.

Sakura patted Yachi on the shoulder, “Just 

The door to the gym then opened up. A woman with short blonde hair, and quite the badass appearance was standing in the doorway. She was panting, as if she just ran quite the marathon to get there. “Hey, they’re still at it. We totally made it. Not bad at all.”

Everyone in the gym looked to see who had come in and it was Karasuno who was more than happy with their arrival.  Nishinoya’s eyes sparkled, “Ne-san!”

“Wait, that’s your sister?” Asahi asked, not really seeing the resemblance. He knew he had three older sisters, but she didn’t look like a Nishinoya, to be honest.

Nishinoya shook his head, “No, she’s Ryu’s sister.”

Suga, quite tired after all the games, puffed out, “Now that you mention it, they do look alike.” 

Endo was suddenly quite enraptured with her appearance, “now she looks cool.” He just felt like he had to do his best to befriend her, she just seemed like such fun.

Tanaka looked up at the group as they walked into the gym, “Glad they made it in one piece.” He could imagine what the drive over was like, since he’s been subjected to his sister’s driving before. So the fact that they made it relatively safely was more than impressive. 

Everyone else was looking at the new arrivals, some questioningly others enthusiastic. After all, the mysterious Karasuno duo were finally here to play with their team.

“So the stars are showing up fashionably late?” Kuroo smirked, “How annoying.”

Sakura just rolled her eyes and grumbled to the two managers, “they really just like being dramatic.” That caused them all to giggle just a bit.

So the troublesome duo were subbed into the game as quickly as possible. They were up against Shinzen and were giving the team a run for their money. While the majority of the team was tired after playing so many games and going through so many penalty laps, they were at least a bit rejuvenated by having the freak duo back to play. By the end, Karasuno actually won! The score was close, with Karasuno barely getting the edge with a score of 25-21. Though the boys were grateful that for once they didn’t have to do a penalty lap.

Shōyō and Kageyama seemed to be thinking quite high and mighty of themselves. After all, they came back from their tests and gave their team the edge that they needed to win a game. So maybe their egos were a bit inflated. So they stood on the court, catching their breath and thinking that they looked quite badass after the game.

Tanaka slid in as he said menacingly, “Don’t act all cool, you tardy test flunkers.” That caused the pair to deflate just a bit. They might have been a big help for the team, but they 

Karasuno marched their way off the court. Daichi took a deep breath, “So in our ninth set, we finally got a win. We finally don’t have to do the diving drills.” It was such a relief.

Nishinoya shouted, “I’m starving!”

“You usually are,” Endo commented, handing him a water bottle as they all came over. Nishinoya didn’t even refute it, since it was true.

Now that they could rest, the boys were watching the other teams play. “Looks like it’s Ubugawa High versus Nekoma over there.” Tanaka commented, “Given the time, that might be the last game today.”

“Yeah.” Nishinoya nodded.

Sakura walked over to her brother, silently handing him a bottle as he was deep in his thoughts. He barely even registered that she was there, which she knew was because he was thinking about the game. Not that she minded, she knew she got the same way when she was thinking about school or photography. Though the shouts of the Nekoma game drew the twins' attention back to the court to witness what was happening. The main thing that grabbed their attention was the long limbed, gray-haired, green eyed, player for Nekoma. The new addition that was somewhat of a mystery to them all. They watched as he swung his hand back like a whip to spike the ball over the net. Quite intimidating, if they were all to be honest.

Asahi breathed out, “Wow…”

“That #11…” Suga started, “At first glance, it’s hard to tell because he’s slouching, but he’s pretty big. He might be over 190 cm.”

Asahi marveled, “His arms and legs are so long.”

“Who the heck is he?”

“Yua was telling me a bit about him.” Sakura commented, noticing that her brother was watching the newest addition to the Nekoma roster. “That’s Lev Haiba.”

Sakura didn’t get all too much information about the boy from her. Just that he was annoyingly tall and relatively new to volleyball. Not really much to work off of if Sakura was honest. Yua just wanted to get to know her more than talk about her team. She wasn’t necessarily in the mood with dealing with Yua and her aggressive manner of making friends, so Sakura had retreated back to her bench after getting a bit of information about Lev.

Shoyo spun around to her, “did she say anything else about him!?”

Sakura shook her head, “no. I couldn’t tell if Yua just wanted to talk with me about being friends again, or was hiding things about Lev to keep his play style a mystery to me. It was infuriating.”

---

“Your quick was as amazing as ever, Shōyō.” Ikuoka exclaimed as he, Shōyō, Kenma, and Sakura was sitting around in the room that Nekoma was spending the night in. Technically, Sakura wasn’t allowed there, but she was mistaken for her brother and got to hang out with them. After all, it meant that she could avoid the ever persistent Yua. That girl seemed adamant about becoming great friends with Sakura and learning everything she could. Sakura wasn’t sure why, but Yua was doing the same thing to Kiyoko and Yachi. Sakura just figured Yua was a strange girl. She would much rather hear Inuoka and Shōyō’s excited babbling while watching Kenma play his game from over his shoulder.

“But at this rate, nothing’s going to change,” Shōyō whined. He came here to get stronger, and he wasn’t doing all that much improvement just yet. A thought then struck him, “Hey! Who the heck is that middle blocker?”

Sakura perked up a bit at her brother’s question, also interested in knowing more about Lev. While she had questioned Yua a bit about the new addition to her team, the older girl wasn’t all too descriptive about how Lev played or anything like that. Perhaps she wanted to keep that a secret from Sakura so Karasuno wouldn’t have an upper hand over Lev when they played against each other.

Barely looking up from his game, Kenma answered, “Oh… That’s the first-year, Haiba Lev. He’s half Russian and half Japanese.”

Shōyō’s eyes sparkled, “H-Half?! So cool! Just like Endo-senpai! L-Le…”

“Lev,” Kenma said, he still had yet to look up from his game, “What does it mean in Russian again? Tiger?”

Inuoka brightened, “It means lion! Yup, lion!”

Sakura tilted her head, “He wasn’t with the team the last time you played Karasuno.”

“Yeah. Lev started volleyball in high school.” Kenma said, finally pulling his attention away from his game to explain properly. “When we went to Karasuno around Golden Week, he still hadn’t played very much, and only the regular members went.”

It seemed to amaze Shōyō that such a new player was able to hae the skill that Lev has, “He just started and he can play like that?!”

“Yeah. And when we were paired together, it was really difficult.” Kenma explained, “No matter how hard I tried, our timing was off. I’m used to it now, though.”

Shōyō blinked in thought, “Huh…”

“Kenma-san couldn’t stop sighing,” Inuoka laughed. Sakura could certainly picture that, since she’s seen Kenma do it so often.

Shōyō blinked, “I guess there are times when even you can’t read people, Kenma.”

Now looking back at his game, Kenma continued, “Lev is just too special. Right now, he’s mostly working with his innate physical abilities and instincts, and his height.”

It irked Shōyō at the reminder, “Yeah, his height totally isn’t fair! I want some!”

“He’s been blessed with too much!” Inuoka exclaimed, “But I’m not gonna lose!”

Sakura cringed slightly at their loud shouts. She was starting to get tired and their yelling was not helping her. Truthfully, she was only hanging around with this trio so she could see Kenma. There was just a click between the two quiet teens when they met that first time. Sakura liked the fact that Kenma was mellow and not that loud to be around, and Kenma liked how she was 

“Well, he’s a powerful asset, honest, and not a bad guy.” Kenma shrugged his shoulders, “Though he’s too honest at times. Oh, but his passing basics are still completely bad. He’s worse than you, Shōyō.” Said boy blanched at his comment, “His serves are worse than yours, too, Shōyō.”

“Am I the guideline of what’s bad or not, Kenma?” Shōyō raged.

Sakura just raised an eyebrow at him, “But you are bad at those things.” Shōyō just deflated even further at her words. Though it’s not like he could really argue against them. He really does need to work on most of his skills other than spiking. Looking at the time, Sakura figured with the boys coming back to their rooms to sleep, she should do the same. “I’m heading to bed,” Sakura said, standing up, she then grumbled under her breath, “Yua might start searching for me.” The last thing that she needed was the Nekoma manager starting a search party to get Sakura to bed. It would just be more of an issue than it needed to be.

So the boys all said their goodbyes to her, even Yaku, Kai, and Fukunaga who had just come back from the bathroom. So Sakura started moseying her way down the darkened corridors of the school. Some might think that it was creepy to 

Just as she was turning the corner, she nearly got run over by a gray-haired ace. They caught themselves before either could fall, more like Sakura since she was nearly pushed over, and collected themself. Once Sakura collected her barings she had to look up to see who she had run into.

The boy finally registered who he had run into and exclaimed, “You looked so cool while doing those jumps!” He shouted, his golden eyes sparkling, “I can’t wait to play against you at some point, your jumps are crazy cool!”

It took Sakura a moment to collect herself at his sudden appearance. He was almost like an excited puppy as he stared down at the younger girl. It was Fukurōdani’s top five ace, from what she remembers. Getting a closer look at him, she could see why he was considered a top ace. He was tall, looked strong, and had the gleam in his eyes that screamed he lived for volleyball. 

Sakura shook her head, “I don’t play volleyball.”

The boy blinked at her in confusion, he tilted his head like a confused owl, “But you were on the court today…?”

“No, that was my brother. We’re twins.”

He nodded his head slowly, “Oh. That makes sense. Though you guys looked exactly the same.”

“I’m more than aware.” She scoffed, “I’m Hinata Sakura.”

“Bokuto Kōtarō.” He said boisterously, causing Sakura to cringe at his loud personality. "You said your name is Hinata Sakura?" The owl-haired boy asked as he got uncomfortably close to Sakura.

She just stared at him with her pursed lips, "...yes… why?"

"Oh, I know an old classmate of yours!"

"Really?" She asked with a raised eyebrow, confused as to who he might know and why they would mention her. Sakura hasn’t had any real friends until recently. She may consider Koji and Izumi to be friends of hers from junior high school, but she knows neither of them was at Fukurōdani. Perhaps he knew an acquaintance of hers from junior high, but it was still a toss up to who would talk about her to him. So who could Bokuto know?

"Yeah, Sato Hitoshi!” She froze at Bokuto’s exclamation, “It'll be really cool to tell him that we saw you here!"

Sakura’s jaw clenched, "Why would he care?" The discomfort at the mention of the bully started to wash over her. Her stomach churned and turned at the bitter reminder of him. She had pushed the thought of him out of her mind for some time now, honestly, she never thought she’d ever have to hear about him again. Though here she is…

Not even noticing her change in mood, Bokuto continued on, "Well, he talks about you a lot, always wondering what you're doing in high school!"

She stared at him in confusion, "He cares about what I'm doing? That's… strange."

"Oh?"

Sakura’s eyes narrowed at nothing in particular, "Let's just say, Sato and I didn't get along, especially after we graduated from junior high." The distasteful stare of his sharp blue gaze flashed through her mind. Maybe back then she didn’t always see how jealous and petty he was, but she recognized it now after reflecting on it. Though why he would mention her to someone at his high school is beyond her. Unless Sato was making some unsavory comments of some kind, but Bokuto didn’t seem to be disturbed by her if he did hear those types of comments.

Bokuto just blinked. Whether he could see the bitterness in Sakura’s expression and ignored it or didn’t sense the mood she was in now was uncertain. "Ah, well he's mentioned you a few times while in school. He's a part of our school yearbook as a photographer and mostly focuses on sports."

Sakura clicked her tongue, "Hmm, looks like we've taken a similar high school career."

"Wow! That's really cool!"

Pursing her lips, Sakura sighed heavily through her nose. She bowed respectively to the older boy, “It was nice to meet you, Bokuto-senpai.” She didn’t even wait for him to reply as she started to briskly walk past him.

“Oh yea!” Bokuto called after, “See you later, Hinata-chan!”

She marched back to the room she was staying in with the other managers. The need to just go to bed and attempt to forget the mention of Sato was strong in her mind. She didn’t need any sort of reminder of that bully since she had finally gotten somewhere with her self-confidence. Thinking about him would do nothing but bring back those memories and possible doubts. 

It wouldn’t have been completely surprising to hear about Sato again. There was always a possibility of running into him or a connection to him at some point considering where they live. It's a small world, and Sakura doesn’t usually have the best of luck. Though to hear from someone that Sato speaks about her to others caused her stomach to tighten. He must be saying some bad things about her to his new classmates. Talking about the useless little shadow who, while smart, didn’t have her own voice. Probably saying that he was so much better than her, at everything. Knowing that he could still go around saying her name and talking bad of it. 

Perhaps a part of her knew that he would still think of her that way, she wasn’t going to change the opinion of someone who shouldn’t matter to her. She wouldn’t think he’d change his opinion considering they weren’t at the same school anymore. So he could say what he wanted to his new peers. Though to have one of those peers now in the same place as him saying that Sato talks about her is a bit jarring, in her opinion.

Though it really shouldn’t shake her as much as it should, she thought. She’s stronger now, more confident, so whatever he might think shouldn’t bother her. Still there was just that small inkling in her chest that won't go away. So as she changed into her pajamas, made some small talk with the managers who were still awake, and climbed into her bed. All that she could do was go to bed and forget about it as best she could. She just hoped she didn’t have to talk to Bokuto again, lest he make fun of her for what Sato might have told him.

---

Blog Masterlist | Red Herring Masterlist | Last Chapter | Next Chapter

So... and old ghost is coming back, huh? Sato Hitoshi that meanie >:( I already have... something interesting planned with him, so you'll have to wait and see when that'll happen. I'm restraining myself to not say anything too revealing, and it's so difficult. But I will hold back, I swear! Also I feel like I've been holding back on saying just who Yua's cousin is at this point. Everyone probably forgot that she mentioned him lmao but don't worry, you'll find out who he is, though I'm sure you can make a pretty good educated guess. 

I wasn't completely certain how I was going to write some of these chapters since... Sakura doesn't really have too much of a reason to be there besides being the photographer and her brother being on the team. Though I felt like they were strong enough excuses to soundly say that she could be there. I just don't want her presence to seem stupid or have no reasonable excuse, you know what I mean. I feel like soon I'll start writing certain chapters to exclude Sakura in certain situations. It's really just apart of her character development a bit further down the line. I'm already writing the next chapter as you read this, so it'll only take me.... two months this time to finish it LMAO but for real, I'll try to get the chapter out asap. 

On another note, it's finally SPOOKY SEASON!! I'm so ready to play scary games, watch horror movies and eat all the candy I can until I explode! I mean it may not be good for me but.... I can do what I want as an adult, right? I've just been living my best life the last few weeks and it's been actually amazing. Feels weird to be content right now. The only complaint I have is I wish I could write more, but nothing is perfect, I suppose. I appreciate all the kind comments ya'll have been leaving and dming me as of late ^-^ It warms my heart to know that people actually enjoy my writing! I hope that I can keep giving you guys good chapters that ya'll like lol Until the next chapter, my friends~!

[victorluvsalice]

And so it was off to Isle Of Volpe National Park in the Bramblewood, so everyone could rest and relax and enjoy themselves in the sunshine! Alice, who was starting to feel the Fury a little bit, decided this place was a great spot to have some Zoomies and ran off, while Victor and Smiler hung out with the pets, flirting and being silly together. :) It soon became apparent that there wasn't much they could DO with the pets -- there's not that many options for playing with a cat anyway, and Shadow couldn't do much of anything with her cone on -- so Smiler flew off to search Sophie for goodies. They found a couple of plantains in the shrubbery near her base, and left behind in return that talking llamacorn toy that's been in their inventory for AGES. Look, it was a gift from Clement Frost at Winterfest one year, so I felt weird about selling it or recycling it -- but leaving it for a kid to find? That's GOTTA be acceptable!

Anyway -- with that sorted, Smiler began looking for someone to make friends with and maybe get a drink from while Victor did a little cloudgazing, then splashed around in the little fishing pond nearby. They ran into one Brian Pimental near the log bridge, whom they had a little relationship with -- but apparently had never properly met, as I had to introduce them when they flew over. O.o Asking about Brian's career solved that mystery pretty quickly, though -- apparently Brian is an Eco Inspector, which means he must be the guy who shows up periodically to make sure the gang are continuing to use clean energy and maintain a garden of decent size. Anyway, they got along well, and Smiler was able to both get a drink and use their vampiric powers to learn all their traits, while Alice returned from her run to play laser pointer with Kelly and Victor stopped soaking his shoes and pants in the pond to talk with a rabbit --

And then I got the pop-up that FINALLY clued me in as to what was going on with Kelly. Telling me that she was in labor.

Cue me stopping DEAD and yelling at my screen "WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET PREGNANT?!" XD Yeah, so, as it turns out, Kelly was in the family way all this time! And while I certainly didn't tell her to breed with anyone, I think I know how it happened -- namely, Kelly is one of those cats who will periodically wander off-lot on their own adventures. I think she must have come back pregnant from one of THOSE, as I believe that is a risk with an unspayed cat! Which is why you have to spay and neuter your pets AS SOON AS POSSIBLE people.

Anyway -- with me reeling from that revelation, and with kittens on the way, I figured it was best for the gang to head home. Alice finished up playing with Kelly; Smiler finished up with Brian; and Victor finished up teaching Shadow how to lie down (as you can apparently teach pets to do things while they have cones, which feels -- a little wrong?), and with a final Van Alton kiss to mark the occasion --

[gentrychild]

the au ask: uh, not sure how this works, but, let's say an au where the slime incident never happens?

Anon, no! I have about five AUs for that! You could at least tell me if you want it to be angst or crack!

More seriously, it's such a fun prompt because it avoids All Might telling Izuku he can't be a hero without a quirk, which is the start of so many vigilante/villain/quirkless Izukus.

But since I am a benevolent writer, I will not talk about the AU where Tsuyu and Mineta dies, then Iida, then Kota, then Mirio, Eri isn't saved, and so on.

Okay, it got really long so it's under a Read More.

All Might arrests the Slime villain before he gets in the sewers so neither Izuku nor Bakugou are attacked by him. The problem is that it also means that All Might never meets Izuku, never break his little heart, and Izuku never has the chance to prove his worth to All Might so no OFA.

Life goes on. Izuku still wants to become a hero. However, since his homeroom teacher told his entire class that he wanted to go to UA, his entire class, led by Bakugou, has decided to make his life a living hell over it. Constant taunting and people laughing at him.

It takes its toll on him.

He still doesn't doubt that a quirkless hero can exist but the more days, weeks, months pass, the more he keeps thinking of how easier it would be if he had a quirk.

A dangerous thought. One he usually doesn't allow himself to think because why whine about what is impossible to have? But one boy can only take "What a useless quirkless Deku like you do?" before he starts to get haunted by strange thoughts. Cough... urges... Cough.

It also makes him eager to prove himself. Maybe that's why he intervenes that evening when he sees a villain trying to hurt someone. Except that once the civilian he helped is running to call a hero, he is reminded that he is a smol child made of only skin and bones and that the guy in front of him is about to bash his head in.

He tries to protect himself, his hand grabbing the villain by the head and in this moment, as he is sure that he is about to be killed, he thinks the one selfish thought that he ever thought:

"It's unfair... that this quirk belongs to someone like you... instead of me."

And just like that, Izuku takes a quirk for the first time.

The villain runs in terror and Izuku runs (in the other direction) in confusion. Soon, it's pretty clear that he apparently had the ability to take and give quirks (thank you, Mom, who has volunteered to try the villain's quirk. Though it's strange how she keeps trying to call someone on her phone these days. But it's probably not important.) Which is a very cool quirk.

Izuku now has to pass from "No quirk at all" to "Can have whatever quirk he wants", which is quite dizzying.

He is so fired up for the UA exam, five months from then. Ridiculously happy bean.

Meanwhile, Mirio gets OFA because no successor showed the self sacrificial spirit that could have inspired All Might and both GT and Nighteye kinda pressures him into choosing a successor ASAP.

This has disastrous consequences as OFA is way too powerful for Mirio and starts to put an insane strain on his body. One month later, while fighting a villain (he has his hero license), he collapses on the side of the road, black lines all over his body as the quirk is killing him.

Izuku finds him and calls an ambulance ASAP but Mirio is is really bad shape. He asks him what happened and Mirio, half delirious, tells him that his quirk is killing him.

Izuku is very "????" but he can help! He can take the quirk away! But Lemillion would be quirkless! He can't take this decision! But Mirio can so he asks.

Mirio is half conscious. Completely in pain. He didn't even want that quirk. He likes Permeation. So, half delirious as he was, he might have mumbled something like "Take that thing out of me."

Izuku does, realizes that Mirio has two quirks so he leaves him the one that doesn't feel as heavy as a freaking dwarf star. Lemillion immediately starts to stop looking like he will drop dead any moment from now and the ambulance arrives, taking the hero student away.

Since Izuku doesn't have the All Might telling him that OFA is a good quirk, he acts like a sensible person: this quirk doesn't feel normal and it apparently kills its user. So he waits about 20 seconds before getting rid of it. He finds a nice and sturdy lizard, who, unbeknownst to everyone, becomes the 10th user of OFA.

The quirk comes back to Izuku.

Quirks aren't supposed to do that.

The freaking quirk is cursed. Izuku accepted a cursed quirk.

I cannot begin to describe how Izuku doesn't trust OFA in this AU. He doesn't use it. He intensively dislikes it. He tries everything and more to get rid of it but no matter what living organism he selects, the damn thing keeps coming back.

Meanwhile, Mirio wakes up from the hospital alive :) then remembers he gave a host-killing-quirk to a smol child. O.O

Panic ensues.

All Might realizes that whoever took OFA put his hand on Mirio's head, the same way AFO does. So it was probably AFO with a fun new shapeshifting quirk.

More panic ensues.

Meanwhile, AFO, alive indeed and who has been watching Mirio wastes away and enjoying the hell out of it (though he would have preferred it had happened one generation sooner) is furious that Yagi 2.0 isn't dying anymore because it means OFA passed to someone else! And since everyone in the OFAteam is quite panicked, they apparently lost the quirk he gave his little brother!

He gets so upset about it that he somehow misses the hundred of phonecalls from his wife.

So AFO and All Might alike are looking for someone with OFA but since Izuku just isn't using it, they aren't finding it.

Meanwhile, the Vestiges went from "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, SOMEONE WITH AFO!!!! AHHHHHH!" to "What do you mean: You don't want to use us? We're not good enough for you???"

So OFA is doing the quirk equivalent of a cat purring and showing its belly so it can get some pet.

Izuku: "You know what? I know it's a trap but since I don't want to outright call a quirk evil, I will give you one chance to prove to me you're not a cursed power that wants my death."

Cue two broken legs.

Well, that's it. Izuku gave that nasty quirk the benefit of the doubt. He is never using it again. And since the damn thing is trying to contaminate his other quirks, he is vaulting it forever!

The irony is not lost on First.

The day of the entrance exam arrives and Izuku does quite well with his good, non cursed quirks, thank you very much.

And as he is leaving, he sees Lemillion! He is happy to see him in good health! He waves at him!

Meanwhile, Mirio spent the last five months trying to find that awful quirk he lost. He was half convinced he had given him to the Symbol of Evil and had trouble seeing the problem because if OFA would eat AFO, where was the problem? He is wondering if he condemned a kid to death. He Is Going Through A Lot.

He wants to say so many things, ask so many questions. And the one thing he manages to blurt out is "GET HIM!"

Tamaki and Nejire immediately shoulder slam a small child. They didn't even hesitate.

That's the story of how the Mighty team found OFA again.

Izuku loves hanging out with All Might but not even him can convince him that the quirk isn't cursed.

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to SIMPLEMAN

A day late but that's what happens when good subs aren't out until the next day, and you're busy that day. This episode is so sweet and wholesome that it was worth it, for sure. I'm still not sure which one is Ella and which one is Etta. They're always addressed together so I just don't know, but I'd like to. ;-; (Note: Looked it up on Wikia, the one in pink with seafoam earrings is Etta, the one in seafoam and pink earrings is Ella) See Nino knows. Nino's concerned about Marinette babysitting three kids already. He lives with one all the time, times that by 4 and WOO that's crazy. Sweet of her to want to ensure her best friend has some time to relax with her boyfriend. Oh. OH those poor Kwami! Especially Fluff and her ears being pulled like a game of tug-of-war! I can see it now, Fluff now traumatized by young kids. So if Alix ever has any in the future, they better grow up knowing about Fluff right away or she's in for a horror show. PV TRAILER AND MUSIC! I'm such a fan of the music and the PV that when my sister told me about it, it made me even more excited for this episode than I already was. And I was very excited already! Manon: So? Aren't you going to answer it? She knows what's up. So Adrien's calling asking Marinette to help sew on a wing? Because nobody else there can do it? I dunno, sounds kind of sus to me, Adrien. Are you sure you're not using that as an excuse just to see your "friend"?

Marinette's biggest problem is thinking so far ahead in her brain that when she goes to speak, she's either way far ahead of herself or gets everything mixed up as it comes out of her mouth. If she just lived in the moment and didn't plan (which being Ladybug that's probably very hard not to do outside the costume), she'd be able to do this and overcome that fear of rejection as well. She seems to have that part fairly taken care though. When Gina said she was in China to learn Kung Fu and met a girl that reminded her of Marinette, instantly thought about Fei. How could it not be her? Rolland gets asked to babysit, immediately is like "Let's do something fun and dangerous!" Tom must have had an interesting childhood with Rolland and Gina. o.o Clearly Rolland doesn't realize who the heroes are based on. Or just completely forgot he met them when Bakerix. xD Adrien's so sweet with Marinette, even if he can't understand a single thing she says. That's adorable. But a really good way to thank her could've been "Would you stay and watch the photoshoot, and then maybe we could go do something fun/get something to eat after?" BOOM. Problems solved. But I have a feeling this may come back later, and maybe that would turn out better. Marinette's grandparents tend to give Hawk Moth/Shadowmoth the most sass and trouble in comparison to other Parisians. XD Rolland is so sweet to these kids, and they are so caring towards him. It's so wholesome! Just think: if that helicopter wasn't crashing behind her, she would've screamed she loved Adrien. So close. Simpleman is the chillest akuma. Being all "Hey kids, even though I'm akumatized, let's go out into the city!" and the kids are like "Yeah, okay. Hey let's get ice cream!"

Him protecting them from all the flying pizza boxes that guy was throwing around everywhere was super sweet too. LB and CN: Things are complicated. So we should find Shadow Moth directly. Let's run around the city screaming for him to come find us so we can fight him! I seriously think if Chat Noir or Ladybug brought up the fact that their identities made things complicated, they would've revealed themselves right then and there. LOL at the old school fighting and them behaving like young children xD "NO!" "I'm NaNa, ClaCla is no longer with NaNa! Paris is really messy! BuggyBug, KittyKity, help us!" Oh this is going to be so hilarious in the English dub with the voice actress who also voices Nathalie. XDDD A bouncy ball is very complicated for Ladybug. That a literal 5 year old can figure out. Wow this villain's power sure did a number on her. xD I find it all the more stressful actually, that Chat Noir and Ladybug can remember what they were doing the whole time they were affected by the akuma. That means if Marinette said she loved him, or they revealed their identities, there would be no going back or being able to make an excuse for it. Can we just talk about how those kids could understand that the reason he wants things to be simple and is upset that the world is so different, is because it scares him and he doesn't think he's capable of learning and changing with the world? A majority of adults these days can't even take two seconds to try to understand someone else's situation(s) before judging and being outright nasty people towards them. Yet these kids were able to do so. And a lot of kids actually are like they are in real life. Some may see this as an episode just for kids to appreciate, but there's a lot in here that's aimed at adults, too. Adults need reminders and these lessons just as much, if not more so than young kids. It's adults that lose their way and needed to be reminded of it, as they have a greater immediate impact on the world. I've seen so many people judge Rolland, make assumptions about him which is almost always the very worst things they could think of. But this episode shows how caring and willing to learn and understand he really is, he was just hiding behind his fear of change and not being able to keep up with it. Some lessons in this episode for the adult viewers are: -You're never too old to learn, get over your fears, try new things, become a better person, and see things through new eyes. -Don't over-complicate or overthink, but don't be lazy and think keeping everything simple will actually in reality be the answer, sometimes it can make things worse! -Kids tend to see the world as things are, not what they think it should be, or believing they're the center of the universe like adults tend to do. -Being wise means knowing that regardless of your field, educational background, age, or lived experiences, you don't know everything, there is always more for you to learn about everything out there. The kids in this show are quite wise, as they know that there is so much they don't know and how they treat learning new things. They also know how adults tend to understand, or act like they understand everything, so we as adults aren't used to it when we don't and react negatively to that because it scares us when we don't know. In that way, this episode was very brilliant! Also that hug at the end, oh you can bet these kids are going to want to go visit Grandpa Rolland, and honestly I'd love to see bits of them here and there, their bonds are adorable and they've changed his life in such a positive way. Also the pure Ladynoir without another hero or Alya or any kind of upsetting situation was honestly such a breath of fresh air! Maybe not the kind of Ladynoir people wanted, but it made me happy. Marinette acknowledged her problem is she's scared of Adrien rejecting her. First step is admitting it! Can't blame her for not being able to do what she wanted, she only just realized the issue after all. It's going to take a little time now to work on it! Is it just me, or

does it seem Adrien's almost trying not to laugh when she was messing up and then asked if he liked fishing? XD Maybe it was the actors tone with the facial expression but it seemed that way! But the way he just watches her run away and does that adorable little chuckle... Oh Adrien, we really need you to start realizing why you keep doing that. "She (Ladybug) reminds me of your grandmother and you know what? You look exactly like her (Ladybug)." Well. Oop. He's onto you! Apparently Rolland isn't blind, as not a single character suspected her from her personality or appearance to be Ladybug so far. Even Adrien only began piecing it together due to circumstances (and his own personal wish that Marinette is LB, you can't convince me otherwise this isn't true). This is going to come back later, possibly Dearest Family? Overall such a good episode with a lot of things in it, if you decide to watch without high expectations or biases. After all the angst lately, it was certainly needed as a nice change of pace.

[dex-xe]

I’ve made Spotify playlists inspired by each of the ghosts and I’ve made these little written pieces to talk about them. if you wanna read them, please go ahead - if not then enjoy the music!!

This is Kitty’s playlist:

Best Friend - Rex Orange County

Kitty’s friendliness is just so sweet to me like I love that after a few episodes Alison accepts Kitty as a good friend but like before that when Kitty wants a sleepover which Alison basically denies her, I’m like O.o Kitty pls be my best friend ily!!

Piano Concerto No. 21 in C Major - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart & Géza Anda

I wanted to include at least a little bit of music from each of the ghosts time frame so I decided on a little bit of Mozart for Kitty - who, given when she lived and the familial culture at the time, probably played an instrument with piano being entirely probable.

Wildest Dreams - Duomo

I wanted to include at least one Bridgerton song for Kitty because I mean it’s obvious how influential issues brought up in the show would be on Kitty’s life. She was alive just before Bridgerton is set (1813 - Kitty died in the late 1700s) so I think she’d appreciate the modern song with a twist, and obviously she’d love the all the dances and everything.

Walking On Sunshine - Katrina & The Waves

An easy choice. I mean, it’s literally the go to song for people who are incredibly happy and optimistic. I didn’t want to include tons of overly happy songs for Kitty because I find her overwhelming happiness to be tinged with such sadness — she’s positive to a fault and it’s so sad what she went through during her life but yeah it’s a nice song for her.

Forever Young - Alphaville

I read somewhere that Kitty is canonically a teenager - I don’t know if that’s true so if someone could enlighten me that would be really great. But yeah is Kitty the youngest ghosts, surely it’s her or Thomas right? Anyway, Kitty will be forever young and I find that a weird concept?? That’s my in depth analysis XD

Enter One - Sol Seppy

I have so so so so so so so so much love for this song I think it’s just gorgeous. Okay but like assuming Kitty grew up at Button House (or I assume Higham House at the time) then she would’ve grown up literally from a little kid in front of some of the other ghosts (Robin, Humphrey, Mary and Annie) so like they witnessed whatever trauma and/or neglect Kitty went through. Ages ago I read someone talking about the ghosts watching her grow up and then taking care of her for the first time after she died (I can’t find the post) so like this verse: “To a friend, A sister in need, Who is not alone, And they are surrounding her, And they will enfold her outstretched hand, In our love” is just so beautiful for that moment when they finally get to take her away from her family which I love and adore and uhhhhh it’s so good, it’s such a good song.

Shake It Off - Taylor Swift

Okay from me legit crying over Kitty’s life and emotional stuff to just being like yeah this is a happy song and just something to dance to!!

Magnificent (She Says) - Elbow

This song just has gorgeous vibes and given that Kitty has just gorgeous vibes as well it was impossible for me not to include it.

Good Day - The Dresden Dolls

Someone suggested The Dresden Dolls for Kitty on my previous music post and I’d never heard of them before I’m a bit in love now… like the dark cabaret style and creepy sorta vocals and piano are just <3 <3 Like damn! And yeah I think this song is Kitty-like cause like when Alison was kinda ignoring her in ALN she got really upset as if this was a regular occurrence in her life as well like her sister or maybe her parents ignoring her in favour of her sister maybe??

Optimistic - Radiohead

“And remember: as long as you try your best.” I think that line is probably the moment of Kitty’s “personality introduction” so I kinda had to include something similar.

Devil Town - Cavetown

Okay I know this song is about parental divorce but I kinda like to apply it a bit more widely to broken families and dysfunctional households which Kitty obviously experienced. I think also the line “nevermind, I’ll settle for two birthdays” shows a kind of optimism in the face of family trauma and the acceptance that bad things often have to be spun in a positive light to cope with it.

growing up is getting old - VICTORIA

Kitty angst, Kitty angst, Kitty angst!!! After the episode descriptions we got today I am really really hoping for much more of a deep dive into Kitty’s emotions. I just want to know more about her life, and I just want the other ghosts to be protective and loving of her O.O

Stacking Chairs - Middle Kids

Kitty’s urge to be around Alison and do what’s best for her is just what I love more than anything. I really love that scene she has with the Captain where he’s like “you one Alison?” And “You want what’s best for her” like Cap/Kitty solidarity is what I live for (more to come in season 3????)

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

I feel like with Alison arriving at the house Kitty finally has the opportunity to be a young woman again?? If that makes sense. Cause she’s been around generally older and predominantly male ghosts for a long time which is why I think she’s fixated on Alison so much because it’s the first time in centuries that she’s been around someone with similar interests etc as her. So yeah, like asking for the sleepover and wanting to talk about boys and stuff gives me Teenage Dream vibes.

In One Ear - Cage The Elephant

Like I said I didn’t want Kitty’s playlist to all be soft and sweet cause I feel like that’s kinda reducing everything about her into a little soft ball of syrup so yeah this song is sick and it’s basically about not caring what others say about you but yeah I like it!!

Would You Be So Kind - dodie

I had to include something dodie cause she’s just got that soft kind vibe. I don’t love many of her songs, it’s not really my style, but this (and In The Middle) are pretty good. Also I don’t think Kitty has much of a distinction between platonic and romantic love (same Kitty) and therefore this song is pretty fitting.

Amazing Grace - Judy Collins

If I could include Kitty’s ‘Amazing Kitty’, I definitely would cause that whole scene is just really funny. But like I said, I’m trying to include some music from when they would have lived and Amazing Grace is from the 1770s which is just when Kitty would’ve been born.

Happy - Pharrell Williams

An obvious choice but I wanted to talk about this a touch. My irl friend hates Kitty so much because she say she can’t stand people who are always happy and like infectiously positive all the time and literally every time Kitty is on screen she starts complaining and I find it so bizarre and like I’ve called her out a number of times like stfu but it’s constant. Like I find Kitty’s happiness kinda melancholy cause like she has so much to be sad about like her family and sister and stuff and I think learning more about in her life will just extend quite how sad her overt happiness actually is.

We’re Going to Be Friends - The White Stripes

Ngl I had no idea this was by The White Stripes before searching it up but apparently it is. It’s about like childhood friendship and nostalgia which I think is very right for Kitty as she works to try and make Alison her best friend after not having one during her life (and therefore relying on Florence the statue).

Girls Just Want to Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper

This song just gives me major girly sleepover vibes which I think is quite fitting. I find it interesting that as soon as Alison can see the ghosts (and accepts that she can see them) the first thing Kitty asks of Alison is to have a sleepover, maybe she sees that as the true mark of friendship? Perhaps her sister was always having sleepovers with her friends and Kitty wanted to join? I want to know Kitty’s backstory more than anyones, I think she’s fascinating!!

[avatraang]

20 Stories, 20 First Lines

Thanks for the tag @foxy-knowledgeseeker and @thinkingisadangerouspastime <3

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 authors!

20 fics and first lines is absolutely massive, so i’m gonna post them under the cut for the convenience of everyone. if you dare to read, thank you!

1. define divinity.

Suki’s time in Caldera City has been pretty eventful so far. Training new agents, fending off assassination attempts. Trying new foods, adjusting to the new climate, the culture. She’s been here almost a year and still feels like there’s so much she hasn’t learned, so much to become accustomed to. Zuko says she’s doing great, but he’s also… Zuko, so Suki doesn’t really know what to think of that.

2. infinite and always.

Aang comes and goes, and that is the hardest part.

3. lazy sunday.

Sokka is half-asleep when she kisses him. It’s a Sunday morning, the type of Sunday morning that makes you realize why the day is called “lazy.” They’re laying on her bed, in and out of easy slumber. It’s not an abnormal occurrence – they have sleepovers all the time, in the same bed, on the same couch. They cuddle, hold each other, keep each other company, keep the loneliness at bay. It’s familiar, like home. They are each other’s closest confidants, after all. It helps that they are in love with each other and are avoiding it, but still. Of course this isn’t strange.

4. when the sun goes down.

It’s a rainy day when Aang feels her presence. To say they are tied together is an understatement – Aang is connected to all worlds, but to her more than most. The way his scar almost stands on end, a phantom of electricity ghosting across it. He often feels such thunder in his veins when she’s nearby, the universe’s way of reminding him that he is tied to her in more ways than the norm.

5. we’ll keep on growing like ivy.

The first time Mai meets him, she thinks perhaps she’s dreaming. It’s late, around one in the morning, and she’s walking back from the library on campus with one hand on her umbrella and the other on the knife tucked into her sleeve. Ba Sing Se University isn’t particular dangerous, but Mai is a foreigner in these parts, and it’s better safe than sorry. She sees him on the roof of the cafeteria, feet dangling, one hand raised above him as he bends the rain away. She watches the way it bounces off his hand, the other one busy holding an ice cream cone. It's a strange sight -almost like something out of a fever dream. There’s a yellow beanie on his head, which, if he was trying to conceal himself, is a pretty awful attempt at it.

6. she loves him still.

This is how it goes: 

The world is thrown into turmoil the morning he dies. The elements tremble. People as far away as Harbor Town claim to have felt the earth quake, and those at sea as distant as the coast of Akahime swear to the Spirits that a tsunami threatened to devastate their lands. Any flames within a twenty-mile radius reportedly shot up, burning holes into ceilings and ruining breakfasts. Lamps are said to have burst and shattered. Air acolytes claim a breeze swept through the compounds, so strong it cut down a tree that had stood on the island for over a hundred years.

7. the sweetest rewards.

Toph is sitting opposite of Aang, silent as stone. She’s inspecting him; Aang can tell by the way her feet shift almost imperceptibly, scanning his body. Finally, Toph breaks the silence. “When do you think they’ll be done?” She nods towards the kitchens.

8. lunam et familia.

17.

Sokka is sitting at the edge of the temple side when Toph finds him. They are resting at the Western Air Temple, taking a break from diplomacy trips that Aang had roped them into. His feet are swinging over the edge, palms planted flat on the ground, head tilted up towards what she supposes “seeing” folk perceive to be moonlight. Everyone else is fast asleep, deep within the temple walls, except for him. Toph moves to step towards him, to ask Sokka why he’s still awake, but then she hears him speak.

9. seen.

“What is that?” Zuko asks Sokka one day, leaning over his desk to peek at the swell of color Sokka is adding detail to.

10. purple lilacs and pilfered letters.

“NO!”

"Sokka, I swear on Oma and Shu-”

"NOOOOO!”

"Sokka!”

11. as simple as breathing.

con·sti·tu·tion

/ˌkänstəˈt(y)o͞oSH(ə)n/

   noun

noun: constitution; plural noun: constitutions

a body of fundamental principles or established precedents according to which a state or other organization is acknowledged to be governed.

Toph is 23 when Sokka tells her he’s addicted to smoking.

12. jealous of the love.

It’s raining outside when he notices it for the first time. Well, not it. Her. He’s new in Republic City, so she took a day off to show him around. Katara had expressed her mild surprise that Toph, the Chief of Police, had taken a day off to show Sokka, of all people, around… Toph didn’t even take days off when Zuko came into town, and that was rarer than Sokka’s appearances. Plus, it’s not like he’s leaving any time soon. If all goes well, he’ll win his position on the council and move to Republic City, permanently.

13. fortune telling, reincarnation, love, and other (somewhat dubious) forms of science.

Toph doesn’t really bat an eye when she gets a letter from a small Earth village in the middle of bumbafuck. Her secretary reads it to her and she shrugs it off; it gets thrown on her dining room table most unceremoniously. She spends the rest of the week doing what she usually does: focusing on her school and being a little too bored. To be grounded is in her nature, but Toph also has a strange tendency to get restless. Her body starts to twitch and her spirit grows bored. Nothing good has ever come from a bored Toph.

14. why do we put each other through hell? (why can’t we just get over ourselves?)

“How have you never seen a Superman movie?” Penelope’s voice is loud -per the usual- and unbelieving -per not the usual. She’s staring at him like he’s got eight eyes instead of six, like he’s spoken Russian instead of English.

15. firelady.

Suki is born a commoner.

16. between me and you.

"Ms Bei Fong," the voice cuts through the air with practiced precision, a note of affection ringing in it even through the poised professionalism. "I didn't expect to see you here."

17. a ring made of silver.

#01 – Ring.

It starts out simply enough, a breath of a laugh here, a memory of a whisper there; trinkets left behind to find, conversations forgotten, a ring made of light silver that he takes off when they're muttering and forgets to take back: she goes to give it back the next morning, before even the owls have fallen asleep, but he engages her in a debate on how long it took Dumbledore to grow out his beard, instead, and next thing she knows she's in Arithmancy and the ring is on her thumb, forgotten.

18. a girl who will never be a nun (and a man who will make sure of it).

To: Mother (10/9/2016, 01:02) i didn't *mean* to do it

19. to tell you properly.

She's at his doorstep, and they stare at each other for a moment too long, her backpack slung over her shoulder and Fraxure standing next to her. "Well," he finally says, and there's pain in his eyes, written clear across the stars that are reflected inside them. Not for the first time, she feels a pang in her heart. "I guess this is goodbye. For a bit, at least."

20. (just say) you won’t let go.

Hermione finds her way to Fred's flat easily enough, apparating in just as he'd instructed her. She shakes the snow from her jacket and slips her boots off, feet sore and heavy from the day. His flat is dark, darker than usual, but it's only when Hermione takes in the worrisome silence that she pulls her wand out and holds it before her, gathering her wits and taking a step forward. Silently, she scans the apartment with a spell, relaxing only slightly when she registers only one other person in the apartment; out on the balcony. She walks briskly over to it and finds red hair framed by night, drooped shoulders defeated by exhaustion.

i definitely love to open up a story by describing either a setting or an action. very few times do i open up with dialogue... interesting! wonder what that says about me O.O

i think my favorite opening line would have to be the one from “infinite & always.” it’s such a short but impactful line! aang DOES come and go, and that IS the hardest part!

thanks again the tag, e-money and a-dawg B) i’m tagging @cats-and-metersticks, @praetorqueenreyna, and @justoceanmyth :)

[citrusella-flugpucker]

All 68 of my SU fics, apparently

((Because @novantinuum did it and then I wanted to do it and then they said “do it” and I took it as a dare

Compiling these gave me a sense of accomplishment. And pain. In my wrist.

Multi-line summaries nearly always squashed to lessen the vertical length of this post, even if most of it is below a readmore))

Multi-chapter fics, regardless of collection status (chronological order--oldest to newest):

And He Doesn’t Wake: My first SU fic, complete; “It can't end like this. Or: Waxing realistic as we examine the events of the episode "Bubbled".” Steven suffers halfway-realistic effects from being exposed to the vacuum of space. Probably not super canon compliant given what we learned in Growing Pains but a fic that branches off at Bubbled and rejoins canon around Mindful Education (and written around that timespan).

Diamond in the Rough: Incomplete; “Connie is in the hospital with a serious disorder, and her biggest chance is an experimental treatment combining minerals with blood transfusions. Little does anyone know...” Originally crack of “Connie gets powers from PD-infused blood” but then ASPR happened and I have to figure out where it goes now (and I want to! but...).

The Results Are In: Incomplete; “Sadie gets a piece of mail from her dad. For most people that'd be pretty mundane, but it's a little more complicated considering who exactly her dad is.” Barb/Blue Diamond crack (it makes sense in context) and affectionately called “Space Maury” internally for reasons that will make sense later. Has a similar but less “it flips the ENTIRE plot” issue with ASPR. I have many idea chunks but almost no connection between them

He’s Gone: Complete (and technically a oneshot with two “bonus chapters”); “Steven asks Peridot to get the shirt Connie got for him for his birthday from his closet. He says he wants to look nice. She's confused by his request. Greg and the Maheswarans are less confused and more terrified. He keeps saying it'll be okay. They'll be okay, even though he'll be going away. It'll just be a couple of days now. Or: Steven and Pink Steven are unable to fuse after being separated on Homeworld. That's not good for Steven.” Steven dies. That’s it. That’s the whole fic. Might potentially get an extra chapter or two still. Or not. Eh.

Thanks, Padparadscha: Incomplete/open-ended oneshot collection; “Stories about the best gem.” Padparadscha oneshots.

Your No-Good, Dirty-Rotten, Gem-Shattering, Rebellion-Leading Mother: Incomplete, little desire to finish; “What if Steven had gone to Camp Green Lake instead of Stanley? Or: If Steven Universe And Holes Were The Same Universe: A Fanfiction (thanks @captainjzh) Or, as the top of my Google Doc I started back exactly a year ago (*2019-01-07) says: SU x Holes: Because the fact that Steven Universe and Stanley Yelnats are both 14 is messing with me”. Wrote this as an exercise after reading the appalling original shopped screenplay for the Holes movie which was basically a nuclear fallout enthusiasts dream world but also quite possibly the worst and most uncomfortable thing ever written and I have had to have whole pages bleached from my memory

It’s Okay to Need Help: Incomplete (three chapters total planned), the last part of the pre-SUF-finale “Steven Corruption Theory” collection; “"Everybody needs support sometimes, and you need support right now, with this. And that's okay." She takes a deep breath. "It's okay to need help, Steven." Or: (Based in corrupted Steven theory as well as taking inspiration/using characteristics from a fic by @love-killed-the-superstar​) Sometime after coming back from corruption, Steven sees a therapist to try to hammer out some lingering issues.” Steven has specific lingering issues from corruption due to the way they had to mitigate it, and that affects how he communicates with his therapist some days. Just been blocked on the best way to write it

Waiting is Worse: Incomplete; “Is there anything more awful than the feeling of powerlessness?” The movie mostly ends the same, except Steven doesn’t un-rejuvenate.

Realism: Incomplete, strong desire to complete; “As much as he may want it to be, this is not a dream. He's not possessing anyone. It's not happening to someone else. It's real.” Steven has the same effects happen to him as the Watermelon Steven from Escapism--an arm and a leg are amputated.

The President Kisses Babies, and Other White House Briefs: Incomplete, open-ended oneshot collection with very little overarching plot; “Oneshot escapades of President Connie Maheswaran and her First Man, Crystal Gem and public speaker, Steven Universe.” Inspired by a Tumblr post and with more ideas in the pipeline! Love this fic even if I lost most inspiration for four years!!

Collection (series) oneshots (chronological order):

Citrusella Tries (And Succeeds!) to Write a Fic Each Day of the Bomb: A collection where I tried to write a fic each day of the HotCG (wedding) bomb. I succeeded but also kind of not? XD

Could You Imagine?: “Imagination is wish fulfillment. What are some of the things Pearl has imagined?” Now We’re Only Falling Apart

Partake In New Extraordinary And Pleasing Pizza Lover Experiences (Or: Kiki's Lament): “Kiki rarely hates her job. But she does hate pineapples.” What’s Your Problem? (Also the title spells PINEAPPLE o.o)

Acquired Taste: “Steven has a snack as he helps prepare for an important ceremony.” The Question

My Whole Life: “Some people are just born to go into certain careers.” Made of Honor

We Can Think About Hope: Incomplete multi-chapter with no hope of completion (why it’s not listed in the multi-chapters, BTW... also the “kind of not” regarding success); “What's going on? What do we do now? Can you still hear me? (Or: The end of Reunited plays out differently.) (Or or: And He Doesn't Wake: Part II: This time with weirder angst! And more not waking!)”

Citrusella's "Steven Corruption Theory" Collection: A collection of fics written on the corruption theory premise before it became canon. It’s Okay to Need Help not duplicated here but would be at the end.

Change: “Steven's come back from probably the most serious thing that's happened to him--save almost dying after his gem was ripped out--but that doesn't mean he came back unchanged. (Based on the "corrupted Steven theory".)”

My Skin: “Steven does a mental inventory of what's changed about him since his uncorruption and finds himself starting to fall into a hole of self-criticism, until a song playing downstairs sets him straight. (Based on the "corrupted Steven theory".)”

Eternity in a Moment: “It had only taken a few hours, and yet, an eternity.”

I Can't Say with Confidence: “Over an hour. He's been sitting in the tub, fully clothed, the bathroom a mess… for over an hour.It should be working! Why isn’t it working?!” Based on this art!

It’s Okay to Need Help

Happy Steven's Day!: Just after Steven discovers his mother is Pink Diamond, Mother's Day rolls around...Greg just doesn't want Steven to be in a slump about it anymore.

You Deserve All the Joy: “Because nothing is better than being surrounded by family and love. Or: Steven's once-a-year struggle with a holiday he doesn't exactly have the ability to traditionally celebrate.” It’s Mother’s Day and Steven is sad. Post-ASPR

Universe Day: “"Being your dad is the only present I really need." Or: Greg and Steven talk and realize their experiences with Mother's Day have been two sides of the same coin.” Post-SUF

Citrusella's Comfortember 2020 Fics: Fics written based on prompts for November 2020 Comfortember... not finished with it

Speed Bump: “Steven's first night on the open road isn't as smooth as he wanted it to be. Attempt to combine prompts 2-6 of Comfortember (prompt 1 just couldn't be squeezed in): "first day/night", "nightmare", anxiety", "cuddling", "afraid to sleep"”

In the After: “Steven wonders if it was corruption. Comfortember days 7-10, though only in the most tenuous, technical sense (and by that I mean all four phrases are mentioned): "blanket fort", "lashing out", "confession", "crying"”

Late Night Hot Chocolate (described in next section)

Zombie Club Chronicles: Steven endures a violent accident on Frightnight (Halloween) that changes his life forever.

Beach City Zombie Club

Prompt: [Randomly roll from list: Steven] doesn’t enjoy the Halloween season, but [Fill in: Steven] take(s) them on a well-meaning trip to an old Gem Ruin where they come to realize [Pick from list: They’ve made a terrible mistake in coming here]

On Frightnight when he is 17, Steven experiences the most serious event of his young life. Almost exactly a year later, Steven takes Steven to Lars' ship in hopes of being able to hop off at a truly secluded gem ruin to talk about something that Steven and Steven have been disagreeing on for several months. Lars has an idea, and Steven comes to a realization.

For the Cluster Spooky Writing Challenge!

Late Night Hot Chocolate (also a Comfortember fic)

"Steven? What are you doing?" He stares into the pot.

The gem half's voice comes monotone. "Making hot chocolate."

"It's three o'clock in the morning. Why on earth are you making… hot chocolate?"

The slyness on his face is one pixel away from nonexistent and yet it's practically a traffic cone to his other half, as he remarks flatly, "Because I've lost control of my life."

Or: Steven and Steven both have nightmares that threaten to take them back to... that night... One copes by making the other hot chocolate and pretending he really isn't having any problems.

Comfortember days 16-18: Protective, Flashbacks, Hot Cocoa

Standalone oneshots (reverse chronological order--newest to oldest):

Rumble Strips:

Prompt: [Randomly roll from list: Greg] notices [Fill in: Steven] is in a somber mood lately. Out of the goodness of their heart they try to cheer up the sad soul in the only way they know how: [Fill in: WHO WANTS TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP?!]

"I really thought I could handle myself on my own." He scoffed. "Even my own therapist didn't think I could do it."

"I bet she thought you could handle yourself just fine. She probably just thought you'd do better with your support system close, bud. Like, literally, I mean." His eye weaved through the thin line of gravel past the edge of the shoulder. "You started saying some pretty concerning things."

Or: Greg and Steven stop on the side of the interstate on their way to Empire City for New Year's, to have a conversation.

For the Cluster Christmas Writing Challenge!

Auto-Injector: “In an alternate timeline, Steven meets Bluebird at her welcome party but he cannot, under any circumstances, try her hors-d'oeuvres. Or: Steven ends up with allergies because why not” (I have three more ideas for chapters)

Don't Put Beans Up Your Nose: “"I know you want answers, and I wish I had some for you, really, Steven, but from what you've described…  those aren't things to play around with. It's unethical to knowingly subject you to those for the sake of 'experimenting', even if you consent." Or: Steven asks Dr. Maheswaran a question she's not ethically able to answer.”

The Exor-schist:

Prompt: A series of events have led to a terrifying effect on one or more of the series’ characters. [Randomly roll from list: Mr. and Dr. Maheswaran] are now suffering from [Randomly roll from list: Spiritual Possession]. How did this happen?

"This corrupted gem, it has a powerful connection to organic matter. Ones this powerful have been known to overtake and even kill humans."

For the Cluster Spooky Writing Challenge!

It's My Party and I'll Dry If I Want To: “You would dry too, if it happened to you! Or: Steven says he wants a pool party for his eighteenth birthday in Delmarva, after over a year of traveling the country. ...But why isn't he swimming?”

Ace Up Your Sleeve: “Or in your back pocket, same diff. Or: Steven's sad about potentially not getting to go to Pride.” (oneshot and an epilogue)

Milestone: “"Okay, so like, the books aren't, like, useless, but they assume you have like the perfect baby. Maybe consider the following: kids are dorks, man." Or: Steven went to the doctor. Once. Or: Greg thinks Steven, at 15 months, is being weird and missing milestones and is worried he's a bad dad so he goes to Vidalia for help.” May eventually be part of a babby Steeb over the years collection

Full Enclosure: “What am I going to tell you? You're better off not knowing the trouble I'm in. / I don't want you to worry about what I've just seen, about where I've just been. / You don't have to be a part of this, I don't think I want you to be! / You don't need this, you don't need me... Or: Steven defines himself by his connection to others. So when they all leave, then… he's no one. (In short: Steven is crushed by his need to be needed.)”

Vice: “He could stop whenever he wanted to. He just didn't want to. Or: Steven falls into a bad habit and tries to rationalize it as okay as long as he's not completely abandoning the idea of improving his life.”

Stairwell Solitude: “Over ten years, Greg wrote just six letters to his parents. What could they have contained?” Post-Mr. Universe

Striations: “At Connie's behest, Dr. Maheswaran makes a house call to Steven's place after his un-monstering. It's different than his last appointment, but its core is the same.”

Everything Stays: “Ever so slightly, daily and nightly, in little ways, when everything stays... Steven's therapist brings up something she's noticed about him outside his PTSD.”

I Do It For Me: “"Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance." Steven asks his therapist a question. The answer may surprise him.”

A Break in the Case: “Dr. Maheswaran takes a look at Steven's results but quickly finds herself in over her head.” Mid-Growing Pains

I have a couple entries in the @connieswap omake collection (Comic Relief and Same Old Steven)--I’m not linking them

Changing Tastes: “ Steven and Connie share a conversation after watching Crying Breakfast Friends: Under the Butterknife.”

Rejuvenated Regrets: “Someone calls Steven's name from downstairs. He's not listening closely enough to know who it is. He's not sure he cares right this moment. He wants Mom—Rose—Pink—and that's the one person he knows it's not.”

Gut Feeling: “Every time, he has to push his brain off that train of thought--what if she does it again?--but for someone with super-strength, he's surprisingly not very good at pushing.”

Lapis Watches Titanic (1997) ...There’s no summary

The Cluster Halloween Exquisite Corpse 2019 (I only wrote part of this!!): “Lars tells a horror story but loses track of it, or; a bunch of fic writers do an exquisite corpse and hilarity ensues. Written by DocCairo, citrusella, E350, love-killed-the-superstar and br42.”

Drift Away: “There are timelines where Steven fell into the biopoison when the Earth cracked under his feet. Here we see three times Steven (technically) lived despite a dive into pure poison, and one time he didn't.”

The Rose Wilts: “Once upon a time, he knew Rose. But he knew he didn't know everything.Sometimes it feels like he's learned more about her after she died than he ever knew while she was alive.“ Doug and Rose used to be friends

Tying the Knot: “Steven never wears shoes with laces, because he can't tie them. When Connie finds out, he's pretty chill about it.”

Haploid: “You're not sure if this is what being shattered feels like. You don't know if you want to be sure.” Mid-CYM

Thestral: “"How many have you seen?" "All of them." She answered without hesitation. "Oh." Or: Pearl and Steven talk about a type of gem that corruption has given some... special characteristics.”

500 Words a Secret Santa Gift: The Gratuitous Reference: “200 words a day, every day, until Under the Knife comes back. Or Crying Breakfast Friends. We're not picky at this point. Secret Santa edition! (A Secret Santa gift for @e350tb that deliberately and gratuitously references their 100 Words a Day series.)”

Sesimorp, Sesimorp: “A Lapis Lazuli makes a beautiful work of art.”

Ship Talk: “Lars and Steven share a moment on the Sun Incinerator.”

No Way Around It: “An order is an order.”

Give It A Try!: “Steven gets a Diamond to try something new.”

Better Off: “Peedee ponders what could have been.”

Steven x A Nice Calm Life Please and Thank You™: A Case for the Realization of a Bold New Ship: “Steven deserves a happy life free of interplanetary struggle and strife. It's my OTP. So I'm going to give him that! :D”

I Don't Know: “Will this ever make sense? Will this ever feel normal?” Post-ASPR

Force of Nature: “Her diamond gave her orders no longer.”

My Gemmortal (by XXXbloodstoneshardz666XXX): “the escupaids fo steven hardlight amnesia lion universe and his freinds n crushs” (this is exactly what it sounds like)

The Picture of Steven Pink: “It took a lot out of him.” (SU but Steven takes on the injuries he heals)

Self: “In the Connie Swap AU, Steven considers his identity and place in his family, community, culture, and himself. For a kid who at least tries to be all sunshine and rainbows, this isn't exactly the most fun thing to do, but sometimes it's necessary.” (these are different than the things in the CS omake collection)

I Really AM My Mom...: “"When you're singing, you want to use enough air that you could blow a throatful of peanut butter clear across the room." The crackiest of escape-from-Homeworld plots, based on a ClickHole article and a joke headcanon.”

Left: “Of course there's shame in bailing.”

Old shames (chronological order): Stories I just kinda cringe at now

Shrinking Rose: “Steven never felt bad about his stature. Until he did.” (I just don’t love it)

A Rose for Emily: “What if Rose wanted to spend the rest of her life with someone before Greg? ...It's safe to say she has a skeleton in her closet.” (less old shame than the others on this list but was hard to shoehorn in the A Rose for Emily style writing)

Alone: “Steven won't open up about how everything that happened is affecting him. Not even to himself.” (I know I’ve written other dark stuff but this one just hits different)

You Should've Asked Me, I'm Really Good at Naming Bands (November 2019 Unfinished WIPs): “(title subject to change) I did a challenge that I had to write my WIPs in November (revised to November and December) or be forced to post them unfinished. I got some updates done, but several not done. These are those stories. Dun-dun.” (only “shame” because they were things that were never finished--I also had a Connie Swap omake I was supposed to finish or the punishment was not to post it unfinished but to write Steven and Spinel (NOTP) but I just never did that)

[fizzingwizard]

Episode 34 arrives and it’s a MUCH NEEDED breath of first air. I mean, this episode could have actually BEEN a 99 Adventure episode. I guess at least one person on the production team has actually seen the old show at least once!

In my opinion, it doesn’t quite equal the cuteness, silliness, and personality of similar 99 episodes, but it comes very close, and it’s certainly the best we’ve had in a long long while.

And it’s all because of these two.

More below!

The episode bizarrely begins with Tailmon barking to communicate with Komondomon. Which raises the question, if no one could talk with Komondomon before because he can only bark, how were they communicating? Did Lopmon just tell Komondomon everything he needed to know and tell the kids “just follow his lead” or something??

Also Tailmon’s opening line being her barking is pretty surreal. And yet, fitting for a cat Digimon who is a dog at Child level.

The kids are shown taking a break - the first sign that this episode is gonna be A Bit Different.

Taichi: Something feels weird. Why aren’t we fighting?

Sora: Taichi, don’t you think you should rest once in a while?

Taichi: I mean, I do, I just got the impression the rest of the world didn’t agree...

Sora: By the way, why do we like this world that constantly tries to kill us and never gives us any pleasant memories so much? Why don’t we just take our partners to the human world and leave this place to its fate?

Taichi: How else am I gonna get an outlet for my pent up aggression and adrenaline junkie issues?

Sora: That’s your backstory?

Taichi: I’m a complicated man.

Komondomon then randomly jumps... into the sea. “Oh no, they’ll drown!” No, they won’t, because Komondomon has the ability to build a dome over his back trapping oxygen inside. Submarimon I get, but Komondomon?

As they dive, Tailmon explains what we learned last week about Millenniumon trying to resurrect himself with a new body. Apparently a very large fragment of him is located undersea in a place called Farga (transliteration TBA). She thinks resentfully about how she was almost absorbed into Millenniumon’s most recent resurrection effort.

Hikari tackles her with a comforting hug, which Tailmon seems a bit discomfited by. But does not object.

Tailmon considers defeating Millenniumon for good to be her personal mission as a Holy Digimon. Patamon sees her determination and does his best to put on his game face too. It’s like being glared at by a sock puppet.

Tailmon: I can’t allow Hikari to be put in danger. It’s my job as the Holy Digimon -

Tailmon: - gosh darnit and she’s just so cute too!

They wind up getting hit by a rip current or something?? and thrown into another weird submarine sort of thing. They discourteously break a hole in it and wind up inside a self-sustaining underwater kingdom, apparently, which instantly goes on Red Alert as Manbomon come to attack them.

This is Daipenmon, or Big Penguin Monster. I love him. He is glorious. Gaze upon his expression of perpetually stoned haze.

Daipenmon: You try steering this thing every day in and out nonstop without turning to hard drugs.

She attac!

While fighting, some Mantaraymon break in through the hole they made and the Manbomon go to drive them off as apparently they are not welcome. Then MarineAngemon appears in all her creepy glory and they sort everything out.

MarineAngemon: Oh, Tailmon, I see you’re a Holy Digimon! I can tell by your Holy Ring. I have one too.

Takeru: Patamon, why don’t you have a Holy Ring?

Patamon: .... -.-’

Look! See! So cute! They are floating on bubbles! All the kids get their own and each has an individual design that shows their personality. Here Tailmon tries desperately to keep Hikari from falling off. I missed this kind of thing! Flashbacks to Monzaemon’s Toytown...

Turns out MarineAngemon is extremely small and the scene before was all “don’t pay attention to that man behind the curtain” type scare tactics. Not very effective since no matter how big MarineAngemon gets, she’s still extremely adorable. She invites them to stay the night. I really expected it to be a trap, but it wasn’t.

OH MY GOD IS THAT FOOD ARE THEY EATING ACTUAL FOOD OMG OMG

quick someone alert the producers! Someone’s having FUN with this show! I was starting to think that was illegal or something!

It’s not AS fun as when they went to Devimon’s illusory castle in 99 Adventure and stuffed their faces after starving and living on potentially poisonous eggs for a week... but I’ll take it.

Meanwhile an undersea band plays music and Taichi ACTS LIKE THE FIFTH GRADE CHILD THAT HE IS. For about 0.5 seconds but HEY he did something child-like! holy cheez wiz batman!

Hikari is mysteriously absent so Tailmon goes to find her. Turns out she’s asked MarineAngemon to heal Komondomon who is tired and wounded from their journey. Tailmon’s like, “Aw, what a nice person she is.” I’m all for exceptionally kind-hearted Hikari, but taking care of Komondomon should have been priority 1 for EVERYONE. At least Sora should have thought of it. I can see Taichi being too forward-focused, and Takeru a dumb eight year old, but Sora would definitely have thought about Komondomon.

Clearly the show wanted to establish how nice Hikari is, but I hate when shows inadvertently make all the other characters look like asses just to trump up the current star...

Taichi’s digivice glows and...

... MINI KOUSHIROU RETURNS!!! Hurray!

Um, what’s that Sora’s drinking? A mimosa? o.O

Well anyway, Koushirou just shows up to remind everyone of the situation with the satellites and that things are getting worse.

Taichi: Do you have any idea what we can do about it?

Koushirou: No, but I’ll keep you posted.

Taichi: Thanks for nothing braindead

Koushirou: That’s it! You’re not the man I knew in episode 3 anymore! I want a divorce!

Taichi: Fine with me it’s not like you’re ever home anyway!

Koushirou: Well at least I’m not cheating with YAMATO!

Taichi: I HAVE NEEDS!

*cough*

Uh, I know Taichi is shorter than Sora, but he looks... pretty tiny here... lol. Or maybe Sora’s just had a growth spurt again.

They spend the night sleeping in bubbles. Aw.

By the way, question: the kids seem able to walk and breath normally in MarineAngemon’s kingdom... but the fish-type Digimon can also swim around normally. And it seems the kids wouldn’t be able to survive in the ocean itself, but they and the fish can both survive here? And yet bubbles? What... what kind of scientific anomaly is this place??

So... MarineAngemon’s kingdom appears to be a Whamon’s corpse! X’D Wow that’s dark.

They are attacked by Anomalocarimon! For reasons. Actually, they did explain earlier that the ocean Digimon have been more aggressive lately and it seems to be the influence of Millenniumon’s stone in Farga or whatever.

Daipenmon: This sucks I don’t have health insurance

Tailmon frantically tries to fight off the intruders while also keeping Hikari out of danger. This entire episode is about Tailmon wanting to protect Hikari and keep her at arm’s length so she doesn’t end up in danger, while Hikari just keeps trying to stay close to Tailmon and support her.

Tailmon: I can’t take you with me, Hikari. It’s too dangerous.

Hikari: Fine. Big brother, will you bring me into the heat of the action with you?

Taichi: Sure thing.

Tailmon: ...

In his defense, Taichi does seem a bit freaked when Hikari TAKES A FLYING LEAP off MetalGreymon toward Tailmon.

(no I really love that Taichi immediately understands why Hikari wants to fight and takes her right to her partner without even a token “nuu but you’re still a baby.” I mean, if Yamato’s cool with Takeru being in danger all the time, Taichi shouldn’t be much worried about it...

Hikari has a flashback! Turns out she’s heard Tailmon calling for her since she as a little kid!

She caught one of Angewomon’s feathers back then too.

Hikari promises Tailmon that she’ll be by her side. Awww.

Hands again.

Crest of Light! I kind of expect that we’ll find out about the Crests and what they mean really fast at the end of the season... although I’m still kind of hoping Mimi is mining Crest crystals atm.

Hikari is able to magically produce a Digivice... I’d completely forgot she didn’t have one till now.

Here I expected Tailmon would evolve, but instead, the power of Light appears to give everyone a power boost like it’s done in the past. They all glow with their Crest colors, kids and partners alike (except for some reason Tailmon glows yellow???) and launch a joint attack on Anomalocarimon and defeat him. Yay.

Then they say goodbye to MarineAngemon and go on their way, I guess to Farga.

So... yeah! it was a nice episode. It had a theme. There was fighting, but it didn’t overwhelm everything else. There was character development. I really can’t complain about it. And it was SHOCKING that Taichi had so few lines (compared to what’s become the norm - a GOOD shock but still I was like “omg what’s going on!!”)

I am just confused because why is this sort of episode happening when we haven’t seen it in ages? What happened in that interim between when they all met up after the first team split up and just now that prevented the show writers from having fun with the show and just writing nonstop fighting all the time? I’m so confused. It makes no sense. Still suspecting that they couldn’t get anyone to come in and voice characters for long enough so they just focused on Sanpei Yuuko/Taichi, but without the others they couldn’t figure out how to push the show forward and make it fun too... Idk. It’s so weird. But oh well. We got a good episode, and maybe it’s a sign of changes to come. I hope so.

Next week...

We get attacked by a scary looking Digimon and Hikari... Idk, thinks she can block the attack somehow? haha. Aw but look how awesome she is protecting her brother and Greymon!

Hikari gets touched by the dark powers! Oh noes!

And more cuteness.

The episode title name-drops Angewomon, which surprises me because I figured they’d hold off on her and give Tailmon Nefertimon for an evolution first. But *shrug* whatever! Looking forward to it.

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Christmas Time at the Nie Palace

Okay… Okay Christmas. 

So I’d like to start by pointing out that like… I don’t celebrate Christmas like in any real way? It’s just a fun excuse to get together with my friends. And we all seem to be on the same page with that. 

So SangSang threw a party. Let me just say, the Nie’s know how to blow it up, okay? Like apparently DaGe did a lot of the planning too? Which surprised me. But they got IN to it.

I… Okay so in my mind DaGe probably just hoisted that giant tree in by himself. Like just WOOMPH like the man is a tank. 

Realistically I know that Lan Xichen helped him and they probably used a trolley or something. But like…. Picturing Nie MingJue just HOISTING  a gigantic christmas tree into the main hall is just… I can’t picture it any other way. It’s just how it happened. Fanon is better than Canon in this instance don’t @ me.

But I know that both he and Nie Huaisang did most of the decorating together. Technically they are rich (not even technically but they don’t ACT like rich bois so I forget) and could have just hired people to do it for them, but I guess this is something that they both love to do together. A shared tradition. And their house (mansion????) is not small. So like it took some TIME. And like… probably lots of ladders? Because even DaGe isn’t that tall. 

I had about .5 seconds to appreciate this, however, before I heard happy screams of children. Which is good because there WERE children. If there are no children and you hear children screaming, leave.  But as there were children, we were good. 

Said children screamed my name and suddenly two tiny bodies were yeeting themselves at me. 

Not to worry, Jin Ling does this A LOT (though he must have taught A-Yuan because that was a first.

A-Yuan jumped very nicely into my arms though. Just a nice little hop and swoop right on my hip. 

Jin Ling, however, is a little monster who NEVER jumps nice. He jumps to the side and expects me to catch him! Now to be fair, I always DO, but I won’t deny that the first time it happened it gave me a fucking heart attack. 

I do believe that Lan Zhan felt my pain this day because when Jin Ling sailed into my arms and immediately leaned outwards so that he’d swing by whatever limb I’d managed to nab, Lan Zhan ruined everything by stabilizing him. (How is his hand like the size of Jin Ling’s entire torso? ((Like with the fingers spread but still???)))) Anyway.

Don’t think I’ve ever seen that quality of death glare out of a 3 year old before. Impressive. 

Lan Zhan backed away immediately and Jin Ling promptly returned his attention back to his best uncle in the whole wide world (me.).

So now I had two young boys in my arms babbling away about this and that at the same time so I couldn’t understand a word of it. 

Is there anything sweeter? 

Eventually I managed to make out that they wanted me to go into the other room where the real party was. A-Ling was talking about how his mama wanted to see me and so she’d sent him for guard duty. (Found out later from Shijie that she had mentioned my name one time in passing saying that she was looking forward to me arriving with Lan Zhan and Jin Ling IMMEDIATELY went off to wait for me. When A-Yuan arrived instead of me he was apparently a bit disappointed until he realized that now he had a friend to wait with him. And so that’s apparently when they plotted the joint throw. A-Yuan said I was supposed to fall over but I was apparently just too strong.)

Anyway. I hoisted them up higher on my hips and we tramped off to the main room…. Is it a living room? Dining room? Ballroom? Fuck if I know they have too many rooms. It was a big room with enough space for entertaining a lot of people. Anyway. We went there. And were greeted by… A LOT of people! Like Apparently Nie Huaisang had decided to invite everyone I know? Or actually I think DaGe suggested some of them?

Okay so… Um… I think this is what Wen Ning said.. DaGe and Wen Qing hit it off at my birthday in a like… platonic way because that sounds like a crackship. Since they are both hella gay. But like they got to talking at my birthday and like she gave him some medical opinions on a part of a case he was working on or something???? And now they’re like… legit in contact with each other? She helps with forensics or something?

I don’t get it. 

But Nie Huaisang was saying they should bring in some of the people they met at my birthday because he liked them and DaGe said he’d already added Wen Qing to the list? 

Nd Nie Huaisang said that they couldn’t just invite ONE Wen 

And so

They invited

All of them???

Including Granny and Uncle Four????? Who they had NOT met before this? I guess???

Which was why A-Yuan was there and because A-Yuan was there A-Ling was there because playdate? Or something? And so Shijie and the peacock were both there because of course he was coming if his wife and son were there (although A-Lian was with her grandparents because she doesn’t do so well at parties most of the time ((My birthday was a fluke???? Or maybe she just likes me. Hard to tell with that babe. Stares like a cat seeing a ghost in the corner of the room. Seems to like Lan Zhan though. Maybe because he stares the same way????????? Am I a ghost?????? In the corner of the roooommmmmm????? Spoopy. ))

Anyway THey were there but then SO WAS JIANG CHENG because apparently, appAReNTlY Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang don’t know that Nie Huaisang is also my friend? Because they’re all rich and rich people all know other rich people and when you’re friends with other rich people it’s okay because you’re ‘making a connection network’ and so Jiang Cheng through a loophole of rich=dumb  apparently? (Like not that the rich people are dumb but the like the whole rich ettiquette is just bonkers) he was allowed to network at this Christmas gathering. Because I think they assumed that rich people only invite other rich people to their parties? When really it ended up being a pretty even 50/50 split. 

So okay the wens were there and Shijie and her +1 and A-Ling, and Jiang Cheng (who I hugged immediately but just listing this out first bare with me.) was there. And Lan Zhan and I were there and Lan Xichen was there of course. Though… isn’t he dating that other Jin guy? I wonder why he WASN’T there? I think there’s some beef between him and DaGe or something and I guess if DaGe didn’t like me I’d avoid him too…. You know to stay alive… But hmm… Lan Xichen didn't seem too upset. So I guess it’s fine? Seemed to have fun with DaGe anyway. 

(Is it wrong to ship? I mean…. They’d be so good together????? Like that’s their business but I feel like a meddling old spinster aunt trying to get people together. Idk. Whatever. Moving on). Oh oh oh And Gamby and her wife were there!! And MianMian and Qin Su! Like it was literally everyone who had been at my birthday + more! (because Uncle Four and Granny Wen. But still. They count! And I was so excited to see them hahah.) So like apparently gatherings are good for networking. Lol. 

So yeah Everyone was there. But the first person I saw was Jiang Cheng. Who I’d thought, honestly and truly, that I’d never get to see again. 

I don’t know which of us started the hug. Maybe it was the same time. But for once he didn’t bitch about it and I wasn’t a little shit about it either. 

Just…. Jiang Cheng really gives great hugs. He told me that he missed me. And said that he was working things out on his end and to be patient please. Promised me and made me promise back that we were still brothers. Forever. 

And that was about all of the feely feels we could handle in public because EVERYONE WAS STARING AT US….

Except Lan Zhan who had disappeared? I didn’t notice until then. But poof. 

…………………

Just asked him where he was for the first bit of the party and he said apparently he’d brought the Emperor’s Smile to the kitchen and ended up getting stuck for a bit helping the cook finish off some stuff because he’s an angel and the nicest person in the world. 

Which… explains why I saw him later holding a tray of hors-d’oeuvres (had to ask Lan Zhan how to spell that…. Maybe shouldn’t have because that’s dangerously close to telling him I had a blog? I think he probably just thinks I’m texting someone about it….. Weeks after it happened…… O.O;;;; uh…. Well he didn’t ask about it so I guess I’m good. Whatever moving ON.).

 So we coughed and let go of each other, but I couldn’t resist grinning at him. Just seeing him there. Knowing that he came here and specifically made it so that I could be here too. That he’s going to such lengths and and.. Actually FIGHTING to keep me in his life. Just…

Okay Stop or you’ll cry, Wei Ying. 

What happened next… ah… we went to the party room saw Jiang Cheng and then we got pulled in to stand with the mingling crowd. 

More hugs all around. Even from Wen Qing after she gave me a quick check up to see how I was healing up. Ever the professional.

I guess… I really scared everyone. Not just from the fire but before that too. They knew that I wasn’t doing well and then more and more shit kept happening. And I think I really scared them.

To be honest, I really scared me too. 

But Lan Zhan saved me. So I guess in the end none of us had anything to fear. <3

We were all chilling and talking and I was just starting to worry that Lan Zhan somehow got lost or kidnapped or eaten by a Nie Monster or something when he appeared holding trays of food. I watched him going to the other room and followed him because I was having Lan Zhan withdrawal. 

And found him setting the food down on a MASSIVE table in the HUMUNGAZOID DINING HALL.

Okay so I’ve been to Nie Huaisang’s place before but generally we just like chilled in the normal living areas. But he has these ‘entertaining’ areas for when they have formal gatherings or parties or whatever. And I’d kinda passed by them before but they were just big empty rooms, right? Like oh okay whatever. It’s like passing by a meeting hall in a hotel. Like oh okay just a big empty room for meetings and shit.

Except when they decorate it it transforms into like this huge palace room! Like fuck! Gold and glitter and lights and sparkle and just everything! And really like tastefully done too. It was a lot, but it was the right kind of a lot. And it was all very coordinated. 

I guess Lan Xichen helped a lot with the balance in the end? How often does Lan Xichen come over here that he’s helping set up decor? 

Who knows. 

Not my business.

Still though isn’t he dating Jin Guangyao or whatever? I wonder how he feels about it?

Whatever. Not my business. 

SO I trotted over to Lan Zhan like a little lost duckling and asked if he needed help with anything. He gave me one of those smiles that he saves just for me (my HEART) and lead me over to the other side of the room and told me to sit at the table.  

I was still all flustered from that smile because MY HEART so I didn’t even think to protest until he was already leaving again! Noo! My Lan Zhan Withdrawal wasn’t done yet! But he was only calling for the others to come join us so we could start dinner. Everyone filed in and Lan Zhan sat next to me before anyone else could. 

I tried not to think too much into it at the time but now…. I wonder…

Anyway.

Dinner was amazing. Like think of your favorite holiday food. Okay you got it? It was there. I guarantee it. Like dear god. 

And DELICIOUS

And and Lan Zhan had brought me some Emperor’s Smile that was nice and chilled and delicious. 

Somehow… 

Okay I know, alright. I KNOW! But like 

The taste of that wine… makes me think of him. Of that kiss. 

He doesn’t taste like wine but something… So clean and clear and refreshing. Mellow but still strong. Just…. 

Stop thinking about his LIPS

Okay moving on.

(How many times do I say moving on? I should make a tally.) 

MOVING ON.

Dinner=amazing.

And right when we were ready to burst from eating and eating and eating…..

Dessert

SO 

ACTIVATE SECOND STOMACH! DEPLOY!

Guys… Guys I ate so much food. I’m pretty sure they had to roll me out of the chair.

Oh… wait… no that actually happened. But mostly for the kids I swear. 

I was whining to Lan Zhan that he was gonna have to roll me to the next room (to which he, of course, responded that he would simply carry me instead. Ugh this man) and Jin Ling called me silly and said I should walk. And A-Yuan, who is apparently much too used to my antics, laughed and agreed in a kinda… idk… DO IT kinda way? So I slid to the floor (I know gross but whatever. The things we do for our children) and rolled away from the table. 

Worked though. Both kids started to shriek with laughter, even though A-Ling was trying his best to sound like Jiang Cheng to tell me to get off the floor because it’s dirty. I rolled about 8 feet before Lan Zhan just deadlifted me into his arms and hauled me into the next room. 

Which made me explode and the children laugh even harder.

This. MAN. How am I expected to survive living with this man when HE KEEPS PULLING THIS SHIT!?!?!?!?!?!

I covered my face to hide how red it was and to avoid looking at everyone’s faces. Because I know they all know. Like they are very obvious about how obvious I must be. Like I’m hopeless. Completely and hopelessly in love with Lan Zhan and they all fucking KNOW it and they ALWAYS GIVE ME THESE LOOKS WHEN I’M WITHIN 10 FEET OF THE MAN AND LIKE I GET IT OKAY I KNOW I’M AN IDIOT BUT APPARENTLY /HE/ DOES NOT KNOW THAT I FEEL THIS WAY AND I DO NOT WANT HIM TO FIND OUT BECAUSE YOU GUYS KEEP GIVING ME THESE FUCKING LOOKS EVERY TIME HE BREATHES IN MY DIRECTION LIKE OKAY I GET IT I KNOW OMG

…………

YES NIE HUAISANG I AM TALKING TO YOU

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Anywaymovingon*lolseewhatididthere?* 

He plopped me very gently on the couch and sat next to me. Immediately the part of my lap that was not taken up by my over-stuffed stomach, was filled by my nephew. Lan Zhan got to deal with a very excited, but very polite A-Yuan asking very kindly if he could sit on his lap. (To which of course Lan Zhan just picked him up and placed him there. A-Yuan looked so delighted.)

I finally chanced a look at the rest of the group who quickly pretended they hadn’t been giggling at us and staring the entire time.

They shuffled around, talking about if we wanted to do games or presents first. 

Presents???? PRESEN-- NO ONE HAD TOLD ME THERE WERE FUCKING PRESENTS. I HADN’T GOTTEN ANYONE ANYTHING!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK

So I start whispering frantically to Lan Zhan asking him if he knew about it and trying very valiantly not to swear since WE HAD LAPS FULL OF CHILDRENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS FOR THEM TO TELL THE REST OF THE FAMILY THAT UNCLE XIAN TAUGHT THEM THE WORD FUCK. ugh.

Lan Zhan apparently knew about it the entire time. 

I couldn’t get into it too much because kids. But uuuuuuuuuugh. 

WELL everyone decided that we’d do presents later so that it was easier to keep track of everything

Of course that means more time for me to freak out. Because what else am I good at but freaking out?

Instead they brought out the games. I finally got a look around at the actual room when the children leaped off of my lap to go play some of the games that were being set up. A-Ling decided it was time to latch himself to his father since his mother was kicking Wen Qing’s ass at pool (well she would have been kicking her ass if she wasn’t 6 months pregnant. As such they were pretty evenly matched.) 

There was a section with toys and board games where DaGe and Lan Xichen started to set things up to see if they could entice the kids to play with them. A-Yuan was won over first which was enough to convince A-Ling to beg his dad to play with them over there.

Not that he had to beg much. Jin ZiXuan would do anything for that boy. Spoils him rotten. But in a loving way. 

So I saw the 5 of them sit down for…. Shoots and ladders? I think? DaGe looked at those kids with pure adoration. Same way he looks at Busu back at the bunny cafe. Guess he has a soft spot for small cute things. 

Can’t blame him. 

Wen Ning and Nie Huaisang were off in a corner by one of the large TV’s playing some game or another. I’m… what was it… Gang Beasts or something? I don’t know. You pick the other guy up and try to yeet him off the stage. I don’t know. Apparently it’s a bit older of a game now but Wen Ning really loves it. (Surprisingly enough for such a meek guy, he is RUTHLESS when it comes to chucking Gumby-lookin fuckers off a plane. Who knew?) Jiang Cheng took a turn but sucked at it so he stomped off to play with the kids instead.

Gamby and Aunty Yi were off that way too watching a movie on another screen with MianMian and Qin Su watching something else on yet another TV. (seriously how many screens???) And Uncle Four was kinda staring between that, the game, and the yule log TV, nursing a bottle of his famous fruit wine. Brews it himself and it will FUCK you up.  

I… okay so… I’m slow. But like I noticed finally that the Yule log-- You know that station that just plays christmas music and is just a fire? Like they… Okay it was mute. So it was just the fire. And they put it in front of the actual fire place. That would normally have been lit. 

They.. it was for me. I could tell. Because Nie Huaisang glanced at me then and the look… You don’t get to see him looking soft too often. But.. Thank you Nie Huaisang. For that. For protecting me. 

They put in a fake fire so that I could feel comfortable. 

I turned to Lan Zhan then to ask him what he wanted to do only to find him… he was just watching me. He was so close… 

I freaked a little and asked him if he wanted to play a game. Any game. Just any game at all. Please just pick a damn game omg a;dlkfja;sdkj he was so close. 

We ended up… somehow playing darts? Sort of. 

He’d never played darts so I ended up having to talk him through it. Then promptly kicked his ass because my aim is perfect and he was lucky to hit the damn board. 

I helped him get better though because he’s really a very good student. And uh… well.. Um… He … 

OKAY THE CLICHE IS REAL AND I HELD HIS HAND AND STOOD BEHIND HIM TO CORRECT HIS FORM OKAY AND IT IS CHEESY AND STUPID AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT OKAY. 

I KNOW. A;LSKDFJ;DJ

But it did actually help. By the end of it he was doing pretty good I’d say!

Eventually he switched out with Lan Xichen so that he could ‘show us how it’s done’  and that turned into quite the competition. Lan Xichen gave me a run for my money that’s for sure. 

Somehow everyone sorta ended up watching. To be fair we were moving pretty fast.

Liek AIM THROW THWP POINTS! 

At one point DaGe started suggesting different trick shots which made it harder. Didn’t last long after that because we decided it was better to not put a bunch of little holes all over the wall because Lan arm strength is apparently genetic and INSANE soooo that ended that. 

After that, since we’d all gathered again anyway, apparently it was time for presents. Which I had actually forgotten about. 

I pulled Lan Zhan aside as everyone else started setting up to ask him about it and why I hadn’t heard about this??? I didn’t HAVE presents for anyone! Like fuck!

He told me that he’d put my name on the presents he’d given anyway. Like there was a ‘draw from a hat’ business secret santa kind of thing? And I was not included. 

I’m… I’m really a bit… I don’t know… 

They… Like I know I’d been through a lot lately and… well I guess I haven’t been in the best state for a couple of months by then… but they could have asked me.. I mean I’m not THAT poor all things considered. I don’t have an apartment and I had to buy a lot of new stuff, yeah but Lan Zhan isn’t charging me rent and actually bought a lot of it for me whether I wanted him to or not. So Like… I could have afforded a present. 

It’s that… that pity feeling that I talked about before. I felt like I was being pitied. And I hate it. 

Lan Zhan told me it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t pity to help take care of someone who is going through shit. It’s caring. 

And I guess… but still…

He touched my cheek then, cupped it with his hand. 

“I do not pity you. I worry. And I care. But that’s not pity,” he said. “We want to take care of you sometimes. Please let us?”

Of course what can I say to that? Nothing. Gah. For a man who doesn’t speak much he sure knows how to talk me into a corner. 

I was still trying to formulate a response when I started to notice there was a lot of… snickering going on. 

I looked around and everyone quickly looked away, pretending they weren’t laughing. But I could see them all hiding grins. I looked at Lan Zhan who looked about as confused as I was and the snickering started again. 

“Well what are you waiting for?”

SangSang…. I should murder you. I should just… Chop you up into tiny pieces and chuck you in a river. 

Either that or throw a damn party for you.

I looked over at him and he was pointing up. So we looked up and…. 

……………………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Fuck you Nie Huaisang!

THERE WAS MISTLETOE ABOVE US BECAUSE CLEARLY WE WERE IN NEED OF MORE CLICHES IN MY SAPPY LOVE (OR LACK THERE OF????? MAYBE?? MAYBE NOTA.LDKFSJAL;SDKFJ ) LIFE. 

I… Okay my memory is shit, so like… but I don’t remember there being anything there before. Like… I feel like I would have noticed??? I… well…

Well it is what it is.

Lan Zhan. And I. Were stuck under the mistletoe. Together. With EVERYONE watching us and snickering away. Like a damn faulty sprinkler system. CHE CHE CHE CHE CHE. 

All of them. They will all pay. Revenge will come on swift wings when they least expect it!

You know what? Fuck it. I’m  gonna set up DaGe and Lan Xichen purely out of spite. 

But back to the problem at hand. I couldn’t avoid looking back at Lan Zhan forever. He looked about as red as I felt. 

“Mistletoe….” I said intelligently. 

“Mn…” was his very articulate response.

“You… we don’t have to….” I said.  But he cut me off with a kiss. 

A real kiss. Not a cheek kiss. Or a forehead kiss. A real proper kiss. Right on the lips.

Short but oh so sweet. 

He kissed me.

HE. KISSED. ME. 

;akdfj;alskdjl;sadjf;kaja;eioj;OJAD;LKFJA;SLDKFJ;Kjfda;kj;lkj

Okay. So it was just a peck. The kind you would give to a close friend in this situation. (Okay don’t yell at me I know. Like let me explain.)

My point is. I didn’t want to… read more into it than there was to read. Okay? But it… 

Okay this is hard to explain. 

I’m not THAT stupid. I know that you don’t always just kiss your friends. Some people do but not everyone. And Lan Zhan is NOT the type to just kiss a friend. 

But there was the complication with the kiss after the fire and the tension before of the what are we??? Like I’ve known for a while- I think I mentioned it before-- I think we hit a level past… past just friends. And I wanted to believe it was romantic on both sides but I wasn’t sure. And I was scared. And I didn’t want to risk what I have just because I’m greedy. Like what we had.. It is enough even if I WANT more. 

And then he kissed me under that mistletoe..

I’d kinda squashed my hope of more after the kiss. After he agreed it meant nothing. It hurt so bad that the only way I could really process it was to just repress it. (which I’m TRYING not to do but I had a lot going on. And I had to process the rest of it first). So it just kinda turned into… I don’t know… I’d lost that hope. That thought that maybe he could grow to love me. I took that hope and I shoved it behind an iron door and threw the key away into a hedge maze guarded by evil goblins. (Not cute goblins like me. Evil ones. Pointy and mean.) 

But… then he kissed me under that mistletoe… and… I don’t know… did he fight off the goblins and find it in that hedge maze? Or did he just forge a new key altogether? 

But he unlocked that door. And opened it even if just a crack. And he let out a sliver of hope again. A tiny sliver of real hope that rests in my heart even now. Growing. 

We stared at each other until we were interrupted by everyone’s whooping and cheers. “Alright alright yeah yeah.” I chided and ushered them away. 

At least A-Yuan and A-Ling were busy making grossed out faces instead of cheering. Good boys. 

“What’s wrong? You don’t like kisses?” I asked them. And then I launched myself at them making the most obnoxious kissy face I could manage. Chased them around the room while everyone else settled in for presents. Caught them after a few moments and covered them in kisses. A-Yuan laughed and A-Ling pretended he was trying to get away, but I know he liked it. 

Hah.

I kissed them all the way back to the couch where I sat next to Lan Zhan (who I couldn’t look at anymore). I plopped A-Yuan in his lap and just held on to A-Ling who was scrubbing his face clean of my kisses. Quite dramatically I might add. Offensive. (he got like 5 more kisses because of it.

I told him that if he kept scrubbing off my kisses I’d just have to keep replacing them. “Just ask Uncle Cheng.”

“It’s true, buddy.”

“See? It’s true!”)

“Alright! Is everyone ready?” Shijie asked once A-Ling finally submitted to his punishment kisses.  The two kids sat up so fast they almost clocked both me and Lan Zhan clean on the chin. But fortunately we are both ninjas and managed to avoid braining the children. 

“Presents! Presents! Presents!” they chanted. (Well A-Ling chanted and then nudged A-Yuan until he joined in). 

It started off harmless enough. They started bringing stuff over to me and Lan Zhan which makes sense. Let the kids go first, right? And they’d clearly need more than everyone else. 

Except… They weren’t all for the kids. And they kept bringing them over. Until there was a pile of every single present gathered beside me and at my feet. 

The kids each got a couple but the rest of them. They were small but they were all clearly labeled. 

“Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Wei Ying.”

Every one of them. 

I looked over at Lan Zhan to decide if I needed to yell at him some more but he looked just as flabbergasted as I did. So clearly he wasn’t in on it. 

Everyone else…. Lan Zhan was right. It wasn’t pity in their eyes. The way they were looking at me. It was love. 

I let the kids open their gifts first so I had a moment to collect myself. They tore the paper like wild animals and squealed in delight at each new toy. 

A-Yuan’s favorite was the little toy butterfly that Lan Zhan got him (with my name on the gift to give me credit I didn’t deserve). He hugged us both, and then went off to play with A-Ling with the blasters they both got.  

I did relish the look of pain on Jin ZiXuan’s face as he realized he was going to listen to those blasting noises and beeps and whistles for the next 2 months until A-Ling finally got bored. Very satisfying. 

But the… Well I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I had to open my own gifts. 

“Start with this one, please,” Gamby said, holding out the largest of the pile. 

I… when I opened it…

Would you blame me if I cried?

The.. the photo album that I’d gotten for my birthday. It burned in the fire. And… I didn’t… I didn’t want to admit it but it crushed me. Of all the possessions I lost… that one… 

But they replaced it! They got me a new book. All the photos were there. Not the originals, but they’d made copies of every photo they’d taken because they still wanted their own copies of them too. (Apparently the originals had all gone into my book which is still a shame. But the image is more important than the paper.)

Every single gift was related to that book. Gamby and Aunty Yi gave me the new book. All the photos from the original were there. But then every single gift from the others were new pages with new photos. Ones that hadn’t been included before and then lots from my birthday. Pictures of everyone and of me and just… The last page was a large copy of the picture we’d all taken at the photo booth. It filled the whole page. 

And then letters. From everyone. Letters of love. Stories and memories. To me. Even Jin ZiXuan wrote a letter. Admittedly short but still there. (He mentioned in the letter that he wasn’t sure he needed to write me one of his own since technically he’s the one who did the writing for A-Ling’s letter but figured it would annoy me so fuck it.)

That dick. Do I have to like him now? Uuugh I don’t want to like him. :(

I had to give the book to Lan Zhan so that I wouldn’t cry on it. 

Shijie came and hugged me, letting me cry without judgement like she always does. And then I felt Lan Zhan’s arms join hers. And then I was drowning in arms. 

I’m…. I’m not used to being the focus like this. Not in this way. It’s different when I’m the one drawing attention to myself. But when it’s just… everyone. Everyone I love just freely giving me their love back just… 

I don’t really know how to handle it. 

But… at the same time… 

I’ve never felt so loved. So wanted. And Lan Zhan really is right. It’s not pity. It really really isn’t. And I don’t think I’ve ever… Ever really let myself experience it that way. 

Eventually I told them through my stuffed nose that that was enough and that I still needed to breathe please. They all laughed and let me go finally. I didn’t really want them too, but I do also like my friend oxygen. 

They all gave me one last squeeze or pat and went off to do their own thing again. Playing games and watching things. 

Letting me gather myself back together again. 

I looked over at Lan Zhan and told him I’d be back in a minute. I got up to just… I don’t know… take a walk. It was… it wasn’t too much but nearly. But not in an unwelcome way. It was pushing my boundaries, but they were boundaries that needed to be pushed. 

I know I deserve love. It’s hard to remember it a lot of the time though and sometimes you have to force feed it to me. And… And it’s good.  Great even. 

But a bit overwhelming. 

I walked through the house idly for a bit. Probably going where guests weren’t supposed to go but whatever. 

I must have been gone longer than I thought though because eventually Lan Zhan came to find me. To check on me and make sure I was okay. 

“Was it too much?” he asked. I shook my head and said yes at the same time which made him laugh a little. 

I shuffled over to him and put my forehead against his chest with a soft sigh. 

“It’s not too much,” I said as he obligingly slid his arms around me. “It’s just…. Too much… you know?”

He hummed in understanding and miraculously I think he did understand. Because let’s be real, that was nonsense. 

Then he pulled away and took my hand (very gently because they were still raw). 

“Follow me,” he said in that rich honey voice of his. (Yes Lan Zhan. I will follow you. I will follow you anywhere. Into the very gates of hell.) 

Can you blame me if I laced our hands together? He let me anyway. And didn’t pull away so nyah. 

I had no idea where he was taking me but.. Well I’ve said it before that I trust him implicitly. With everything. With my very soul. 

Turns out. Nie Huaisang. Has an in home movie theater. Like. A legit movie theater. With those comfy squishy seats and the giant projector and like….

HUAISANG HOW HAVE YOU NEVER TAKEN ME INTO THIS ROOM? APPARENTLY YOU’VE TAKEN LAN ZHAN BECAUSE HE KNEW WHERE EVERYTHING WAS AND SET UP THE PROJECTOR AND POPPED IN A MOVIE AND LIKE FUCK YOU HUAISANG I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. ;3;

Lan Zhan had me sit down while he set everything up, then pulled up the arm rest between us and sat down before just… pulling me to lean against him. 

I mean I wasn’t gonna complain. *v*

So we watched a movie together. Honestly… Honestly I couldn’t even tell you what movie it was. His arm was around me, tracing patterns into my shoulder. And he let me hold his hand again. I remember running my thumb up and down the back of his. And the smell of him. And the sound of his heart beat and the feeling of his breath slowly shifting me up and down. 

About half way through the movie he shifted though, making me sit up. I looked at him to pout, but stopped because he was very decidedly NOT looking at me. 

“I have… something for you…” he said softly. Before I could tell him he, of all people, didn't need to get me anything, especially after all he’s already given me, he pulled a small box out of his pocket. 

“I didn’t want to give it to you… in front of everyone.”  -after the mistletoe incident- was left unsaid. 

I took the box. Trying to let myself accept things. Let myself be loved. 

It was just a small blue box with a white cloud-patterned ribbon (that I still have shh. It was cute). I pulled the ribbon and opened the lid of the little blue box to find…

Okay it was small and simple but this.. Perfect earring. It’s just a red stone dangling on a black chain. Small. Simple. Perfect. 

I stared at it long enough that I probably made him nervous. Trying to get myself to just say thank you. To just accept it. 

Eventually I managed. “... help me put it in?”

My hands were still a bit stiff and fumbly (which sucked because I haven’t been able to paint much lately because of it). But even so it was an excuse for him to touch me more. To feel his hands brushing my neck and jaw. For him to be closer to me. 

He obliged me and put it in. I.. Maybe it was just because it was dark, but that sliver of rekindled hope in me really wants to believe that he took his time with it. That he wanted that excuse to touch me too. 

Hope is dangerous but…. I can’t help it. I’m hoping. 

“Merry Christmas, Wei Ying,” he said softly when he finally pulled away. 

I looked over at him and smiled. He smiled back. 

“Merry Christmas, Lan Zhan.”

Something… in that moment. I was going to kiss him. There just was no other option. The moment. The hope. The memory. The feel of his skin. It all culminated into one truth. 

I was going to kiss him. 

Except.

I WAS COCKBLOCKED BY ADORABLE TODDLERS WHO I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT BECAUSE THEY’RE ADORABLE. 

Apparently when we didn’t come back the kids decided that we got lost. And they snuck out to find us. They were so excited to rescue us that it took them a minute to realize we were in a giant movie room. After that they were about as excited as I was. (What does that say about me? Am I just a giant child?.... Hey wait a minute the only ones who got any gifts were me and the kids. I AM A GIANT CHILD. Fuck . T_T)

Once they got over their initial hyper excitement about the theater, we coaxed them into watching the movie with us. Lan Zhan clicked some magic remote or something and it changed to a more kid-friendly movie. (I don’t understand technology. I never will.)

I texted Shijie that the kids were safe with us in the movie room so she wouldn’t worry and let A-Ling settle onto my lap. 

Gotta say. I don’t bet to be his favorite very often. It’s really nice when he’s in an Uncle Xian mood. <3

A-Yuan took his place back on Lan Zhan’s lap. He was much more confident now, just glancing at Lan Zhan to make sure it was okay before he sat on him. 

And… Okay I can’t even be mad that they ruined my attempt to kiss Lan Zan because this image. This painfully beautiful domestic scene…. 

I’ve never wanted kids so badly in my life. Kids. With Lan Zhan. Just… I wanted this. So badly. 

I still do. So much I’m almost shaking with it right now. 

I want… I want to be a father. With Lan Zhan. I want that for the rest of my life. 

And… I knew I loved him. I knew I want to be with him. But this hit differently. This… this was an absolute forever. This was.. This was more than wanting to date Lan Zhan or live with him or… you know… stuff. This was… I want his life to be entangled with mine. To the point that the life is ours. Not his and mine. Ours. 

I want that so badly. 

Maybe that’s selfish. But it’s what I want. 

Time slipped by while I had this little life-changing revelation and before I knew it I was covered in drool.  Jin Ling had fallen asleep. And A-Yuan wasn’t far behind him on Lan Zhan’s lap. I caught Lan Zhan’s eye and we smiled.

I wonder… if he was thinking the same things I was. Is that something he’d want? With me? 

Maybe, that little flame of hope dares to admit. Maybe. 

It could be possible.

After a while Shijie and Wen Ning popped their heads into the room to collect the children. Jin Ling transferred over to his mother like a sack of potatoes but A-Yuan was just not having it. 

“Nooooo” he whined, still half asleep and clinging desperately to Lan Zhan. “I wanna stay with Bunny-Gege and Xian-gege. D:”

He made that face too. D: Like you could feel it in your soul that D:. 

And we were powerless. 

“Would you like to spend the night with us if Granny says it’s okay?” Lan Zhan asked.  Oh that sleepy little nod was enough to melt even Madam Yu’s heart I’d bet. 

Wen Ning laughed softly and told us he’d check with her to see if she minded. After a few minutes I got a text saying “he’s all yours.”

And that’s how we temporarily adopted Wen Yuan. 

DaGe offered to drive us home since we’d walked here and it was a bit too cold for a sleeping 7 year old. We thanked him and let him drive us in the tank he has the nerve to call a truck. How many miles to the gallon must that thing get? 2? Ah well. Put A-Yuan promptly back to sleep anyway so I guess whatever works. We thanked him and wished him a Merry Christmas/Happy New Year and all that jazz and went inside together. We didn’t have anything to really put A-Yuan in so I donated one of my new t-shirts for him to wear as… a nightgown I guess? Whatever it was more comfortable and he didn’t complain. 

And then I stole one of Lan Zhan’s shirts to wear so we’d match. Hah. 

We all ended up sharing a bed together after Lan Zhan fished out a spare toothbrush for him to brush his teeth with. 

A-Yuan in the middle and Lan Zhan’s long arms around the both of us. 

I don't think I’ve ever slept better.

[sohmariku]

RIKU’S RANDOM LIFE: THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF... AUTISM?

Yesterday  What do I need to do today? Finish decorating the Christmas tree? Reminds me, I still need to by a Christmas stall. But the kitchen really needs to be cleaned too. It’s also about time I finish the Winter set-up of my nendoroids. Crap, I absolutely need to vacuum the house today! Laundry can wait another day,...can it?

*Proceeds to watch another episode of Avatar: the Last Airbender*

Thankfully I’ve managed to cross out most of the tasks I had to do by today, but the Christmas tree still lacks decorations and my nendoroids are still disorderly shoved on the shelves. Maybe tomorrow...?

(I came to come to the conclusion I still have dry laundry hanging on the clothesline... I estimate it’s been up there for about a week now.)

While my mind is usually in a state of “semi-organised chaos”, the last couple weeks it’s mostly been “pure chaos”. Due to an overload of responsibilities, birthday parties and other holiday-celebrating occasions, I can’t seem to keep up with even the most basic tasks. 

In short, I’m mentally exhausted and need a break.

Last time I blamed my kitten for the lack of progress on any subtitles, but... I’ve come to the realization it’s been not just that. The seemingly never-ending string of social responsibilities has drained away all my energy... to the point I could barely be bothered to eat breakfast some days. Of course my dumb-ass mind was too tired to realize what was going on and... Hello Meltdown Yesterday. 

In hindsight, I really should have skipped that birthday dinner party, but my boyfriend was already guilt tripping me into going, before I even could mention I didn’t want to go. His father would be so happy if I’d be there, he said. Mind you, I had completely forgotten about that party until my boyfriend called around 4PM telling me he was on the way home, so we’d surely get to the restaurant in time. That day was supposed to be MY DAY OFF! Because I could feel I had reached my limit. Nope, that evening is gone! Though I was literally on the verge of crying, I decided to push through, because his parents feel they don’t see me around enough already and gotta keep them happy, sorta.

The effect showed immediately, because it took me two days to even realize I had forgotten my scarf at the restaurant! And I only noticed, because I couldn’t find it when I forced myself to do the grocery shopping I absolutely didn’t feel like doing, because I was still recovering from said dinner party. Of course, as the responsible adult I am, I didn’t call the restaurant, but instead texted my boyfriend “I think I might have forgotten my scarf at the restaurant!” and prayed he’d solve the problem without me literally needing to ask him to make the call for me. Because if there’s anything I hate more than making phone calls, I hate making phone calls to admit I’m an absolute airhead who forgot her scarf! Thankfully he fixed it without me needing to spell it out word for word. Got my scarf back. 

But really, this whole debacle really shows how on-edge I was that evening. I clearly remember thinking to myself “don’t forget your scarf” and then came the waiter who handed me a little rubber duck. (because apparently every female customer gets one) And boom, I became a happy little penguin with my rubber duck. It was all I could focus on ad when people started to leave, I quickly waddled outside (after saying some painfully awkward goodbyes to people I don’t actually know, but who do know me) and totally forgot about the scarf. Until days later! But yes, I got it back.

(To add to that, I lost that same scarf again today but in the Garden center, because I was too focused on a text conversation on my phone. Took me a lot of courage and agonizing to ask the staff if anyone had found it. They did, I got it back. Also, when doing some grocery shopping last week, I forgot my empty shopping bag at the cashier. I didn’t go back to ask if anyone found it. I could get a new one for only 58 eurocents after all. Anyway, notice a trend?) 

If that wasn’t enough. The worst part is probably, I know I’m not out of the woods yet. Choir practice on Friday (20), Christmas Market Choir performance on Sunday (22), Christmas Evening Church Mass with choir on Tuesday (24),Christmas with family (parents/siblings) on Wednesday (25), Christmas with extended family (grandparents/uncles/aunts/cousins) on Thursday (26)... 

Somewhere in between all that I need to find time to properly clean my whole house (which hasn’t happened in forever), because I’ll be the one hosting the Christmas gathering on the 26th (It’s way too late to back out now...) and my aunts are already judging me enough as it is.I don’t need them to think I’m living like a pig. (It’s the first time they’ll see my house, so they’ll be sticking their noses everywhere most likely...) My house isn’t dirty per se, but it could definitely be cleaner.

And when you think the “suffering” finally ends... my boyfriend has a compulsory day off from work (27). So, I won’t get a fully quiet day until Monday (30). My plans for New Year’s Eve (31) are still unclear. But then my boyfriend has another compulsory day off  on New Year’s (1) and he also decided to take Thursday (2) and Friday (3) off too. Now my grandmother’s birthday is on the 7th, but she might very well be celebrating it on the 4th or 5th. Or the weekend after that (11-12). Plus in either of those weekends my boyfriend’s parents very much want to go out for dinner with us too...

In short, that means I’m not expecting any “true” down-time until well into January... And just that thought alone is enough to drain away the last bit of energy I had left and dread the rest of the month. 

Always love the holiday season... //hear the sarcasm// 

If it was up to me I’d go into hibernation and wake up somewhere in January.

---

Note: Though I have no official diagnosis (and not sure if I’ll ever pursue one), in hindsight, I’m pretty clearly on the Autistic Spectrum. It’s only been a year ago since I really came to this realization, I’m apparently pretty good at masking, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. My autism affects a great deal of my life. For one, any social interaction requires a lot of energy. It’s worse if I’m meeting with a large group of people. And even if I’m not in the same room, having another person in the house will somehow keep me on edge to a certain extent. I’m well aware that full schedules are exhausting to everyone, but to me they are “extra” exhausting. For example, it can take 2 full weeks to fully recover from a gathering with extended family. And when I’m in recovery, it’s very hard to do anything productive on a day. As I’m writing this, it sounds insane. And it doesn’t always happen, but it does happen and that’s extremely inconvenient. 

This post became a lot longer than I expected, but I guess it’s good to finally talk about this? Though part of me is feeling really anxious about it. How dare I claim to be autistic without an official diagnosis? It’s silly. My life is all about silly worries. This is just one of them. The anxiety is real. >< Guess I’d better just post this already... and then regret it all night... have trouble to fall asleep... while I dread the reactions people might have. Yes, that’s how my mind works. By morning I’ll realize I had nothing to fear, I hope... O.O;;

By the way, congrats if you made it all the way to the end of my rambling!

[unwiltingblossom]

I did send the ask o.O (stupid tumblr cut it) anyway; i will complete it here. To compare Sasusaku and Zutara, it doesn't fit well with me, because their universes are just too different. I was appreciating about the piece you wrote. It was highly informative :) About the good guy hero, good girl heroine, i need to see more before agreeing to such hypothesis. Ah no, not really. Katara didn't fell squarely in love. It was friendship at first before finally transforming into something deeper, but

To each their own after all shipping is subjective. 1. Okay but the 100 year war separated their mothers from them. Plus the war made Katara’s father go into war. The village was barely stiriving. 2. Point taken. But you can’t entirely dismiss colonialism. It leaves a lasting impact on you. My entire nation is stiff suffering from it despite gaining independence. And no I don’t see the rift. It just that I find it unfair to compare sasusaku with zutara             

To each their own after all shipping is subjective. 1. Okay but the 100 year war separated their mothers from them. Plus the war made Katara’s father go into war. The village was barely stiriving. 2. Point taken. But you can’t entirely dismiss colonialism. It leaves a lasting impact on you. My entire nation is stiff suffering from it despite gaining independence. And no I don’t see the rift. It just that I find it unfair to compare sasusaku with zutara             

Because the former one did share a deeper bond while the latter one were barely scraping the surface. I am that person, for your info xD            

It should be known I’ve never said Sasusaku and Zutara are identical. It’s pretty hard for any romance across fandoms to truly be identical unless those settings are basically just template swaps (SoL and School Life anime have the most crossover) My point was never to imply they were completely identical, either. Merely that they are so close it bears noticing, and the responses to Zutara by the ‘authorities’ are almost identical to the response of the non Sasusaku west, down to some exactly identical wording in the arguments for Narusaku/Kataang and against Sasusaku/Zutara. Which you should be familiar with yourself being in both fandoms.

As for ‘the hero gets the girl’ trope, and particularly the ‘antihero side kick gets the antihero girl’ there are lots of examples to find, just try to look at western works where this format would work (most of the time things like sitcoms won’t work, because there’s no ‘end goal’ for anyone to meet) especially in love triangles. Some Japanese works made for Western audiences will have this, too. Go for male POV stories, because usually in a female POV story, the heroine is the primary hero of the story and thus can’t also be the trophy.

I can’t speak to how organically Katara fell in love with Aang, I can only comment that the way people describe Katara and Aang’s development - where she sees him as a little kid or little brother and has sudden ‘moments’ of revelation - is sometimes identical down to the same wording as how very passionate Narusaku people claimed would happen with Sakura. (which the manga made fun of, as she has a moment of “oh, he’s all grown up and hot now~” at the start of Shippuden until she realizes “nope, still Naruto”) - the old Abridged Naruto also makes similar allusions like “I pretend I don’t like you but secretly I want you the whole time~”

And coincidentally, many Narusaku shippers near the end did expect her irritation with him calling her his girlfriend in front of his dad to play out with her running up and kissing him as soon as the battle was all finished, showing she ‘finally realized she loved him’. I’m not saying Kataang is identical, but I can remark on the fact that Katara gets angry with Aang being presumptuous about her feelings right before the final battle and then ‘finally realizes she loves him’ and kisses him after the battle.

1- That’s true, but from what I understand, this is a non-issue for their relationship had they gotten together. This is something they already worked through. It would stand in the way of friendship just as much as romance, and that’s why it had to be cleared out even by the people who didn’t intend to pair them up.

2- All the same, I feel like this would equally apply to their friendship. (And according to Dante apparently Zuko is in love with her and she is his soulmate, it’s just not mutual, so take that as you will. He’s a Zutara fanboy, but he’s also the voice of the character) If they can have a close bond of platonic (and not so platonic in one direction) love, then this shouldn’t interfere.

I don’t disagree. Sasuke and Sakura have a special bond that Zuko and Katara don’t have, due to coming from a position where Sakura became dear to him before he completely closed off his feelings to anyone at all. With Sasuke and Sakura, Sakura was the only person Sasuke could have ended up with (if he didn’t end up alone) because of this. Obviously this isn’t true for Zuko, since he does marry Mai.

-I know the natural inclination here is to compare Zuko and Mai with Sasuke and Sakura, but this comparison doesn’t work. Zuko and Mai are a much better fit for Sasuke and Karin, for various reasons.

I am curious though. Since you’re anonymous anyway, what brings you to NOTP Zutara? Help me to understand your perspective of them being not just ‘darker than Sasusaku, so not the natural conclusion’ but ‘so dark I’m actively repelled by them’. Give me the details. Of course there’s the obvious connection that Sasusaku and Kataang are canon and Narusaku and Zutara aren’t, but I think if you simply allowed canon endgame to dictate your position on ships, you wouldn’t bother to send six asks elaborating your position, nor would you do it anonymously.

[xaz-fr]

@deadpool-scar-bro @hikayelastoria @cornsnoot-fr @redlion-fr @mushroomdraggo @murdoch-fr @tales-around-sornieth @frxemriss @rainhearts-hatchery @rexcaliburr-fr @starry-ampelope @plainstriderbard @reanimatedfr @voltaic-ambassador @sirensage-fr @journey-taken-fr @ally-fr @golden-lionsnake​ @rookfern-fr @fr-dew​ (let me know if you’d like to be added to the lore pinglist)

If you’enjoying the lore be a bro and reblog

So just a brief overview of Jess and Amun before we get into their arc that I apparently am never going to properly write their arc out either SIGH

Jessabelle is the clan’s trader. She runs the general store where all traders come through to trade their goods to the Hall and get goods from the various factions of the Hall. She takes care of all trades and gives most of the gold and gems she gets from these trades straight to Johanna to help keep the Hall running. The rest she can keep for herself to keep her store running. She's a nice Southern lady so to speak. Well mannered, well spoken, well educated, crafty when she wants to be, used to getting her way, and is one of the few dragons who don't live on North Face who call her ma’am because that's just how she is. She's also got a SERIOUS affection for Amun even tho he doesn't deserve it AT ALL. 

Amun is the Hall’s scavenger. He goes out into the world all over and collects things. Jessa usually gives him a bit of money to make trade purchases with other clans or get things they might want but for the most part he's a free agent who goes and does what he wants and comes back to Jessabelle’s shop and drops off all his things. She pays him some for the services but mostly she just acts as a middle man between him and Johanna who originally hired his services. In return for Amun not having to worry about organizing or cataloguing the things he brings back and giving it to Jessabelle to deal with (which she doesn't really like because for as much good stuff he brings home he brings home double the garbage like sand or gravel (junk material items basically)) he and Jessabelle struck up a deal. The deal was that they'd have a nest together and Jessabelle would help him out. Amun is quiet, stoic, and utterly uninterested in most dragons of the Hall including Jessabelle. He has no real feelings for her and instead has very strong feelings for Layali, the Hall’s progenitor.

So basically Amun and Jessabelle have a relationship where Amun is gone for weeks or months, comes home to the Hall, drops his shit off with Jessabelle, might have sex with her, goes and spends most of his time with Layali, but sleeping in Jessabelle’s home and maybe having sex with her some more until he eventually leaves again. It is pretty fucked up and Jessabelle knows it but she just… likes him and hates that she likes him. She'd much prefer she not like him because Amun is pretty much an asshole lols.

And this is the rest of their arc (to a point) I didn't want to write lololol

Jessabelle wakes up next to Amun in dragon form. She came to sleep with him because she knows it hurts a lot and his constant changing has exacerbated the issue of his bones and joints hurting during the change. She helps him get up and makes him some food and in general is really soft with him and she can tell he really likes it and likes her taking care of him in his fragile state. Then when he's more on his feet he says he's going to the Cypress Tree and jessa is kinda… heart broken. Cause he never just stays with her. He always leaves.

Amun goes to the Cypress Tree and is hanging out with Lianna and Layali. He's just so hard core crushing on her because she's so nice and sweet and pretty. Lianna is reading Layali a storybook and Amun is just sitting listening and watching Layali. Then he goes ‘can I talk to you?’ and she goes downstairs with him. He confesses to her and she's just O.O because what and goes ‘what about Jessabelle?’

 ‘what about her?’ 

and Layali is just like ‘look, I'm flattered but I don't like you like that, I'm sorry. You're just my friend’ 

and Amun is CRUSHED. But he's also like ‘It's okay q.q I understand’ and she goes back up to Lianna but Amun leaves. He feels so bad and now knows how Jessa feels with having feelings for someone who doesn't like you back. 

He goes back to Jessabelle and is just like ‘I'm sorry I don't like you back’ and she's so shook and kinda upset. 

‘What happened?’ 

‘I told Layali how I feel and she doesn't feel the same so I'm sorry I'm an asshole’ and she's upset for him and his hurt feelings. Then he's like ‘I'm going now. I need to be alone’ 

‘what about our nest?’ 

‘what about it?’ 

‘You're just going to leave because you got your feelings hurt?’ 

‘I need to lose myself in some work and figure myself out’ 

‘so I guess your feelings are the most important thing than’ 

‘yes’ 

and for “some reason” that makes her furious. ‘fine! Then go out and when you come back find someone else to take your garbage!’ and slams the door on him. Amun is really bewildered and knocks a few times but Jessa doesn't open the door. Eventually he just shrugs a little and goes off.

Jessabelle, furious and hurt, goes to her nesting room where her nest is and just sort of collapses next to them. She curls around them as she starts crying. ‘It's okay. We don't need him. Even if Amun always leaves I won't’.

———————

Amun comes back from his adventure and scavenging and finds Jessabelle’s home locked. He knocks a bunch, looks around for her but can't find her at all. He gets worried and goes to Aya’s. Gemini answers the door and there's Jessa and Aya sitting in the living room having tea and chatting. Jessa notices Amun first and they both stop chatting and turn and glare at Amun. ‘oh, you're okay, I was worried’ 

‘Oh were you’ 

‘the house is locked’ 

‘yes’ 

‘why?’ 

‘why do you think, asshole?’ and Amun is so confused because what???? 

Gemini is just like ‘Amun, you should just leave’ 

‘what? But I wasn't doing anything’ 

‘Amun, get off my territory before I make you’ and Amun takes it as a legit threat because Gemini is an actual warrior. Amun might be scrappy but he's no match to training with Johanna all the time. 

He leaves and goes to the Cypress Tree where he sees Lianna and Layali are. Layali doesn't welcome him like usual or ask where he's been, what he's seen, and if he brought her a present. Layali stays right next to Lianna and after some dodged conversation goes, ‘you should go, Amun’ 

‘what? Why?’ 

‘because I don’t want you here after what you did to Jessa’ 

‘… uh? I didn’t do anything to Jessabelle’ 

and Lianna is just like ‘yes you did, you’re doing it right now. Layali asked you to leave, so leave before I get Johanna’. 

Amun is VERY confused and also a bit annoyed but goes back to Jessabelle’s shop and goes right in cause he’s mad and just like ‘what did you do??’ 

‘get out of my shop’ 

‘what did you do Jessabelle?’ 

‘I said get out of my shop’ 

‘What did you SAY to everyone that they hate me now?!’ 

‘just the truth’ 

‘bullshit’ 

‘I’m sorry you found out others don’t like you when they find out who you really are’ 

‘What did you say to them!?’ 

‘That you leave all your shit with me, leave me with children and then fuck off; all the TIME. I went and talked to Layali too. She’s a child Amun. She might be older than you but she’s hardly more than a girl. You’re disgusting.’ 

‘I am not’ 

‘you are in love with a CHILD. What else does that make you? Especially when she has nothing for you. Has given you nothing. You made her so uncomfortable with your confession because you thought your feelings were more important than hers. They’re not.’ 

‘That doesn’t explain why Aya and Gemini hate me too’ 

‘I don’t know, maybe because I’m constantly left alone with our nest and you never want anything to do with your children’ 

‘you’re the one who wanted them! That was part of our deal. Don’t get mad at me because I am following through with our deal’ 

‘I said A nest Amun. One. Singular. But you still come back every time you get done leaving your garbage with me and have sex with me. And you knew how I felt about you. How did you think that that was okay????’ 

‘I thought that was what you wanted’ 

‘WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE USED LIKE THAT?! GET OUT OF MY SHOP!!!!’ and Amun flees because Jessabelle is PISSED and shoots a bolt of light at him that chars the frame of the door. 

Only then does Amun really realize… he fucked up. Not only did he fuck up but he's insanely selfish. He made the girl he loved uncomfortable and the woman who loved him, basically unconditionally, hate him. He realizes he doesn't deserve either of them and they shouldn't have to put up with someone like him. He leaves a message with Vrej, if anyone cares, that he's leaving and doesn't know when he'll back because he actually needs to… like figure shit shit out for reason. And not for himself like last time. He needs to figure his shit out so he can be a better him for those around him. He leaves immediately.

[readingraebow]

Dark Places Section One

Libby Day (Now) - Libby Day (Now) (approx pages 1-120)

1. Why does Libby not have to work? What does Jeff come to visit her about? In what way might Lyle be able to help solve her problem with Jeff? Libby's entire family was murdered when she was seven and a donation fund was set up for her. When she was eighteen she got access to the fund and she's been living off the money in the thirteen years since then. The fund has expanded a few times due to the tragedy reentering the press and small appearances and such in the years since. But now that Libby is 31, people don't really want to donate anymore because she's a grown woman now and there are new little girls who need their help. That's why Jeff sees Libby. He's basically her accountant/is in charge of the fund and he warns her that there's only 900 and something dollars left in the fund and it's time to start thinking about what to do when the money runs out. He suggests Libby find a job. But a letter from Lyle offers Libby a business proposition. She's to meet with his club and he'll pay her $700 just to show up.

2. When Libby gets to the place where the Kill Club meets, she sees booths all around of people obsessed with different crimes and murders. If you were part of the Kill Club, which crime would you have your booth themed? This is a super hard question because there are honestly so many that interest me? Lizzy Borden, Belle Gunness, Gertrude Banizewski, Aileen Wuornos, The Zodiac Killer, The Golden State Killer, H. H. Holmes (as you can see, American Horror Story has only added to my obsession with serial killers; oops), JonBenét Ramsey, Ted Bundy. But honestly the crime that probably interests me the most/I've researched the most/the one I'm most obsessed with is Columbine. So if I had a whole booth dedicated to something, it would be that one. I can literally talk for hours/days/years about Columbine and one time we had friends staying with us and they mentioned Columbine aND I WHIPPED OUT A POWERPOINT to talk about it. It's fine.

3. When Libby gets a chance to talk to the members of the Kill Club, what does she learn about how some of them feel? What does Libby admit that she didn’t actually see?She learns that most of them think Ben is innocent. One of the members in the group is actively trying to get him out of prison. But most of them think that Libby couldn't have possibly seen what she says she saw and that she was lying and was just led by the prosecution to convict the most easy target. They said the case had a spectacular lack of physical evidence and even Libby's testimony was incoherent at best and, yet, Ben was still convicted. The leading theory, though, is that Libby's father, Runner Day, is the actual killer. And while Libby staunchly believes that Ben is the killer, she honestly doesn't know because she was hiding in her mother's closet at the time of the murders and when she heard the murderer start searching the house for her, she jumped out the window and hid until morning. So while she testified that she saw Ben do it, she didn't actually see anything. But she heard everything.

4. What does Patty do for a living, and how is it working out for her? What bad news does Len bring to Patty? Patty runs the family farm. When she married Runner, they took it over from her parents. That was during the boom times and Runner was a little too enthusiastic about it. They ended up taking a loan out from the bank to expand and buy new equipment, thinking that the farm would perform well and they could easily pay it back. But that didn't happen and Runner ended up leaving and now Patty is running the farm alone. Well, she hasn't paid on the loan in three years and her crop doesn't even yield enough to support them and when she does make money from the crops it goes toward the loan but it's just not enough. And the last time Len visited, she had to have an auction and sell off her farming equipment for way less than it was worth and I honestly don't even know how she's running the farm at this point?? Anyway, when Len comes this time, it's to tell Patty that they're foreclosing and she's run out of options.

5. Who is Diondra? Who is Krissi? Diondra is Ben's girlfriend. She's two years older than him (she's 17, he's 15) and rich. Her parents hae another house in Texas and they spend most of their time there so she's left alone a lot and basically does whatever she wants, including not going to school most of the time. And she's who Ben's always talking to on the phone and her house is where he usually goes when he's out. She is basically the biggest influence in his life, at this point, and as soon as he turns 16 and can drive, Ben wants to run away to Wichita (of all places) with her and live in their own apartment and work in her Uncle's sporting goods store. However, there's also Krissi. She's in the grade above Michelle's and has a crush on Ben. He was asked to help with an after school art class one day and he did and that's where he met Krissi. He ended up volunteering to help that art class for another month. Krissi also lives like an hour or so away so she has to wait forever for her dad to pick her up after school so Ben started waiting in the stairwell with her for her dad. Well, one day just before Christmas break, he ended up making out with Krissi.

6. Why does Libby think it’s just as much everyone else’s fault Ben is in jail as it is her fault? Because the entire trial was basically a circus. Libby's testimony was all over the place but the prosecution lawyer led Libby exactly where he wanted her to go and basically convinced her to say Ben was guilty. The defense lawyer treated her like he was walking on egg shells which didn't help Ben in the slightest because all Libby did was defend the prosecution. And then were was Ben himself. He acted like he didn't care at all about the trial and when they asked him about Satanic worship, he just fed right into it. He also wore his long black hair in a ponytail and basically didn't really clean up for court and just looked and acted like a criminal. He didn't try to defend himself at all. The defense lawyer also tried to bring up the evidence that didn't match with Ben but he failed to really make a case and really defend Ben. So while Libby's testimony was the cornerstone of the trial, the entire thing was so poorly handled that it wasn't just Libby's fault Ben was convicted.

7. In what way does Ben act about being in jail when Libby goes to see him? Ben says he's okay with it. It's been almost 25 years and he's made his peace with being in prison. He realizes that a lot of it was his fault because he didn't take the trail seriously enough. He never, ever thought he would be convicted. He thought he would be acquitted and then he'd be more popular at school. But, clearly, that didn't happen. But he also doesn't blame Libby for her testimony and he doesn't think she's the reason he was locked up. He's honestly surprised that anyone believed her because she was seven and so clearly coached. He thinks the fact that anyone believed her just meant that they wanted him locked up and there's nothing he could do about it. And when Libby asks if he wants to get out, he says of course he does but he doesn't see that happening unless they find who really did it. He also says he doesn't have a good alibi for that night so it's not like he really has any ground to stand on if he wanted to appeal. So he's made his peace with being in prison and he's okay with it. It's like he thinks he's making up for not being home to save his family and not being man enough in the first place. But he's glad to see Libby because he really is homesick.

8. Who does Lyle think murdered the Day family and why does he think this? He thinks the Day family was murdered by Lou Cates, Krissi Cates's dad. Apparently the Cates family accused Ben of molesting Krissi and Lyle thinks that Lou came over that night to question Ben about it and went into a rage and just murdered the whole family. Apparently Lou had done time for manslaughter previously. He had a wild temper and finding out someone had hurt his daughter would've definitely set him off. (I don't buy that theory at all though??? The murderer called Libby's name and looked for her. If Lou was looking for Ben and just started murdering, he didn't know any of them and he wouldn't have known to look for Libby. He would've been looking for Ben.)

9. When Libby calls Krissi’s mother, where does she say Lou would be? Where does she say Krissi would be? She says Lou would be in a bar probably somewhere in the state of Kansas (helpful) and to find Krissi just go west on I-70 past Columbia (Missouri, I'm assuming? Since Columbia, Kansas is literally abandoned; also why is Kansas basically just a copy and paste of Missouri with the state name changed???? There are so many towns wITH THE SAME NAME O.O) and take a left into any of the strip clubs. So. Also wildly helpful. (Wow, Krissi's mom. Top job with your first family. You sound like a wonderful human being. Not. *eyeroll*)

  Section One Reading Journal

Okay so. We all know that I hated Gone Girl. But for some reason I, at some point, bought all of Gillian Flynn’s novels. And I even started reading one of the others (I thought it was this one but the first chapter isn’t what I remember reading so apparently it was Sharp Objects) but just never got around to finishing it. But her other novels honestly really do interest me. So all of that being said, I’ve been really excited to read this one and I honestly enjoyed this first section so much?? I really didn’t want to put it down.

I love that this story takes place in Missouri and Kansas. I love that Libby currently lives in Kansas City; that’s one of my absolute favorite cities. And that restaurant where she meets Jim Jeffreys I’m pretty sure I’ve eaten at with my aunts??? (It honestly sounded like it might’ve been Jack Stack.) So. Lots of fun little fangirl moments. (Also why do all of Gillian Flynn’s novels seem to take place in Missouri? That fascinates me so much. Though throwback to when I originally read Gone Girl and was talking to my mom about North Carthage and she was like “it’s just Carthage” and I was like no, it’s the one by St. Louis and she was like “no, it’s by Joplin, on the other side of the state.” So apparently that’s a town Gillian Flynn made up, ahaha.)

ANYWAY, I love that this is a really engaging and well written mystery. I’m definitely feeling more of a connection to it than I ever did to Gone Girl. I already like these characters more. And I didn’t figure out the twist five minutes into reading. (I do already have several theories about the murderer, though.) And basically I’m just all around liking this one more.

Though the only thing that’s really bothering me is that I hate that all of the flashbacks are written in third person but all of the present day Libby is written in first. That feels like a weird transition to me and I hate going from the past to present chapters because of it. I’m a big fan of continuity and that format isn’t it.

Also. Side note. Did we pick this book as the first book written by a popular author? Because this is actually Gillian Flynn’s second. We should’ve read Sharp Objects (which I also really want to read because the show looks AMAZING). So. Uh. Oops. I love that we’re so good at picking things. Throwback to picking Lolita for a classic romance. (Oops.) We are on top of things. Go us!

But all kidding aside, I really am loving this book and I can’t wait to devour the next section!!!! (Watch me not go to bed tonight and just read this entire book. That’s what I almost did last night. *shifty eyes*) Okay back to reading =))

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.