#and she’s trying SO HARD not to feel what she’s feeling for cardan

[deathsweetblossoms]

I feel dizzy and a little sick when the poison hits my blood, but I would be sicker still if I skipped a dose. My body has acclimated and now it craves would it should revile.

An apt metaphor for other things.

I crawl to the couch and lie there. As I do, Baekin’s words wash over me: I have heard that for mortals the feeling of falling in love is very like the feeling of fear. Your heart beats fast. Your senses are heightened. You grow light-headed, maybe even dizzy. Is that right?

I am not sure I sleep, but I do dream.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Can I request a cardan x reader fic? Anything you want to write! Just gimmi my baby there isnt much of him on this app.🥺

Weeping heart

Summary: Y/n has seen cardan go through lovers like they're wrappers of chocolates. One in his hand before the previous is even in the dustbin.

Now he has found Jude, and she does not know what to do.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: anon thank you so much for this request! i love you so much for this. It was such a good writing exercise honestly. This is mainly pining, maybe angst.

Also, this marks the beginning of me writing for characters outside of the acotar universe, so I'm very excited

also I didnt tag anyone because the general taglist i have was for acotar.

(i might be down to write a part 2 👀)

(not proofread)

Enjoy!

•○🌑○•

She bit her lip as she stared up at her best friend, trying to contain the smile that threatened to overtake her features.

"Let me see that smile, beautiful." He grinned lazily at her, his dark eyes twinkling under the rays of sunlight that penetrated the thick canopy of leaves above their head. They were currently seated under a weeping willow, hidden away from the whole world outside. Where only the two of them existed, and nothing else mattered.

The place was special to Y/n and Cardan. This was where the two of them would meet all the time, just the two of them, away from their friends and family. In here, they didn't have to pretend, didn't have to act like everything was okay. They could be themselves, and not care about getting hurt.

He leaned closer to her, searching her eyes, his eyes and features softer than Y/n had ever seen before.

"Shut up." She mumbled, but that action had her lips splitting into that smile she was trying so hard to supress.

His grin widened. "There we go."

His hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb absently brushing her lower lip, his gaze following it with a hungry look. Then his eyes lifted to hers, a question in them.

She dipped her chin almost imperceptibly.

That was enough for him, and he leaned forward, his lips getting closer and closer to hers.

She let her eyes fall shut.

But the kiss never came.

•○🌑○•

She opened her eyes, wondering why he hadn't yet kissed her, and found herself staring at the ceiling of her room.

She blinked blearily, wondering what the hell happened, and then she realised.

It had been a dream.

She closed her eyes again, heaving a sigh as she willed herself to go back to sleep, back to that dream, hoping he'd kiss her before she woke up again.

Of course, that was very nearly impossible.

Because someone decided in that moment that it would be a good idea to knock on her door.

She was certain she knew who it was.

Still she called out, demanding the identity of the knocker.

The answer was immediate. Cardan.

She groaned lowly, dragging her hands down her face.

He didn't wait for her to let him in. The permission wasn't ever needed between the two. That hadn't changed. Yet.

The next moment, he had barged in through the doors, a grin on his stupid face.

She sat up, trying to look anywhere but his face. Heavy emphasis on trying.

"Y/n, guess what happened."

"I am not in the mood, Cardan."

She winced internally. She was being cruel. He had done nothing wrong. It was not his fault he didn't know of her feelings. She had no right to be rude to him, especially when he was so excited about something.

He wasn't bothered by her lack of enthusiasm. He simply plopped down on her bed as she climbed out of it, getting ready for the day as he launched into a story of how after last night's revel, Jude had told him to wait in their bedchambers while she walked into the closet, her skirts swishing around her legs.

How she had retuned without it.

Y/n tried not to pay attention to the details, but she couldn't help it. She had never been able to ignore what Cardan said, never been able to let anything he said go unheard. He had spent nearly all his years being unheard because no one considered him worthy of their time.

She had long ago decided that she was not going to be one of those people.

She heard everything, and her torturous brain created all the images Cardan's words conjured. Her traitor of a heart clenched, but she ignored it.

"That's great Cardan." She said when he finished speaking, and when she looked at him, he was practically glowing with happiness.

Y/n felt guilty for being jealous of the mortal who had everything Y/n ever wanted, but she couldn't bring herself to care when her heart was breaking into pieces everyday.

"It feels like I've waited for this an eternity. Never thought I would get to have Jude in my arms."

She gave him a smile. "I need to meet up with some generals this morning. I need to leave."

He nodded happily, straightening from where he'd been lying on her bed. She watched him walk out of her room, a knot forming in her throat, her resolve hardening.

She needed... she knew what she needed.

•○🌑○•

Jude had her eyebrow raised, and it concerned Y/n how a mere mortal's judgement could make her nervous.

"Tell me again why you want to go on this mission?"

Y/n reigned in a frustrated sigh. "There is no real reason. I just wish to explore the Elfhame more."

The look Jude gave her told her she saw right through the act. But she didn't push the mater.

"There has been rumours of a rebellion on the other side of Elfhame. If you really want to go on this mission, then you need to know that this is an incredibly long and dangerous mission. You'll not only have to investigate the place, but also squash any hint of rebellion you find."

Y/n gave Jude a smile. "Sounds amazing."

"Sure it does." Jude's eyes narrowed as she continued. "If you need more time away to, as you say, to explore, then after you finish this quest, have a tour around Elfhame and meet up with people who have associated with Madoc before. Make sure they are not plotting something behind our backs."

Y/n dipped her chin in a nod. "When can I leave?"

"Before the week ends."

"So does that mean I can leave right now too?"

If possible, Jude's eyes narrowed further and she stood. At that moment, the door behind Y/n opened, and she stiffened as the smell of his perfume reached her.

"Y/n! I thought you were in the meeting with the generals. What are you doing here?"

Y/n smiled stiffly, turning to look at Cardan.

"I had something important to discuss with Jude." She gestured with her hand.

Cardan nodded, as if that was the most understandable thing in the world.

"What were you talking about?"

"Nothing-"

"She is leaving on a long mission-"

Jude and Y/n spoke up at the same time, and Y/n had to resist the urge to smack her forehead.

Cardan's head swung towards Y/n, and he stared at her with wide eyes, his mouth opening and closing, but no words came out.

Y/n turned to Jude, letting some of the fury at her secret being revealed show in her eyes. And then she smiled tightly. "Could you send that list of people and areas where the rebellion is rumoured to be to my room? I need to begin packing."

Jude's eyebrows were high, but she nodded. Y/n bowed, then turned on her heel and strode away, ignoring Cardan and the way he was trying to gain her attention.

As she left the room, she heard him following and calling for her, but she ignored that too.

Just the way she had always ignored her weeping heart, the one that beat solely for Cardan.

The one that was broken beyond repair now.

•○🌑○•

[ecoamerica]

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[jurdanhell]

Okay so basically, I was re reading the chapter where Cardan asks Jude “and is it out of your system?” And Jude’s like “oh yea yea totally” sis, we all know that’s LIES 😂. I was just trying to imagine an alternate scene thinking.. what if she says no? Idk about anyone else but I think it would lead to basically chapter 15 part 2 so I was wondering if you could write a filthy something something 😂🥴 (like I mentioned before, no pressure)

I Will Know Nothing (Until I Know You)

Read it on AO3!

Word Count: 1,432

Rating: Mature

“And is it?" He asks. "Out of your system?”

I think of the blusher mushroom, the deathsweet, the wraithberry running through my veins with equal measure ferocity and instinct. We are alike in this way.

“No,” I say, because the indulgence of poison is one that I know greater than anything else.

I am unlearned at love and its making, but no matter how obvious that is to him, he does not let it show. Not when he guides my hands so carefully over him. Not when he redirects my nails to claw again at his back as he brings his mouth to the tender space just behind my ear. I suck my lip between the sharpest edges of my teeth, against the sound that rumbles in the back of my throat, because what this really is is a secret, and the more he knows is all the more he can use against me. I bite down on my lip hard enough to bleed. 

The familiar sickness of poison roils through my gut, twinged with something else. A layer of sweat sheens over my skin and I am dizzy from the blood that rushes to my cheeks, my head, no doubt as diseased as what I’d ingested only earlier today. As infected as myself. 

I tip my head back, again reminded of the things we’d done in that secret room behind the throne, and all the things we hadn’t. He brings his mouth to the hollow of my throat, pushing me back into the office in the Court of Shadows that I’ve taken as my own. He pauses only to push the door closed. 

The dizzying absence from his hands on my skin leaves as quickly as it arrives, as though it was aware of how soon it would be replaced with another, equally intoxicating feeling. 

Since my time in Faerie, I have grown very good at pretending. Pretending that my muscles do not sing from the acute pain from the swinging of my sword, pretending that it didn’t hurt every time I’d been made an example of being something lesser. Pretending that I do not feel as I do, hiding even from myself. I am not sure I keep the longing off my face, but with his hands drifting down the tie of my breeches, nose deep in the crook of my neck, I am not sure it matters. 

Perhaps desire is like mithridatism, where I should be taking doses slowly, accumulating my body to the poison until it affects me no longer. Perhaps my overindulgence here will kill me as surely as any sharp blade. 

It isn’t until he sinks down onto his knees, pushing the backs of my legs to the edge of the desk, mouth drifting across my navel that I decide that I do not care. 

Religion in Faerie is scarcely discussed, brought up only with the slandering of poor fates and cursed as surely as any gambling man might blame the hand. There might have been gods, once, but anything infinite in an immortal mind is just as easily forgotten. But he slides my breeches down to my knees with such piety, pushing my legs apart with such reverence that I’m sure one of us has found it. 

Something flutters in my chest as he brings his mouth to my center, looking up at me through his dark lashes. Not as though I ought to be the one praying, but as though this is the prayer. As though any noise I might make would make for choir, would carry the cadence of a hymn. He looks at me as though he means to memorize it, this moment. The shape of my very skin. 

His hands move methodically against me, into me. There is strategy here yet, and I refuse to concede. I will not concede. 

This time, I do not let my hands shake.

I bring one hand to his hair and knot my fingers so deeply I am not sure they will ever be free. I am not sure I want them to be. His tongue brushes flat against me, but it is the heat of his breath against my bare thigh that is my undoing. He moans my name against my skin, whispering dirty things I'm certain he would not say if his goal wasn't to make me give in. I will not give in. 

I lean back against the desk, putting my weight on my elbow. I’m half-aware of something being knocked to the floor when he sinks lower to bring one of my legs over his shoulder. 

There is an awful kind of pleasure in being granted what you’ve so desperately wanted, even if you’ve convinced yourself you didn’t. It seems we are both good at making terrible decisions. 

This deep underground, it is too dark for plants to grow. There are no windows to allow moonlight to skim in, pooling like milk against the scarce furniture that was undoubtedly stolen for the home of thieves. That does not stop vines from snaking their way up the walls, cloying around any surface they can find purchase on. Surely, deep down in their making, they must know they were doomed to die the moment they sprouted. There is nothing for them here. No light, no water. No chance for survival. 

That is what I tell myself as Cardan’s other hand slips beneath my shirt to palm at my breast. That is what I tell myself as I let him. There is no chance for survival. There is no way I would have survived this, anyway. 

Maybe I can still take him down with me. 

His finery is disarranged as I pull against his hair, beckoning him to his feet as I yank him roughly overtop of me, laying myself flat against the desk, my hair spilling over the edge. He looks dissatisfied, as though he were a cat whose cream I’d just stolen for no other reason than to be cruel.

I am, I know. But not for this. 

His lips are swollen when I bring them roughly to my own, tasting myself from his mouth. It is a stupor that fills my lungs, my brain, working its way into my blood that controls me. My volition is not my own. I do not think it has been for a long while. 

My hands go to his breeches, toying with the lace in the front, but not untying it. I do not know much, enough that he is aware of, but not so little that I am completely unknowledgeable. I refuse to think of the way he looked up to me, his mouth against the softest parts of my skin, drawing sensitive shapes with his teeth, his tongue. 

A flower I do not recognize springs from the ivy that unfolds above us, a deep blue that might have been purple in the sun, trumpeting from its stem on the vine. Its yellow-white center does not shy away from the darkness of the room around us. 

I move my hands to undo the buttons of his shirt with as much slowness as I can manage with his mouth working delicious cruelties over a soft spot on my neck. 

The room is overcome with blooming buds in the darkness. One of my hands drifts over a knot of scars at his back, and I realize that it is not despite the darkness that they crest so fully, so openly, that it is in spite of it. That, maybe there is a kind of bravery in being so honest. In knowing the risks of a poison, and taking the plunge anyway. 

He pushes himself against me in a way that is somehow more intimate than when we were both bare. It is not unlike when the clouds part from a silvered sky, letting the moonlight drink in the land, the faelights crashing up into the stars and melding into the air. Somehow, the unbrokenness of this moment is what is visceral, is so guarded by its profoundness that it will know nothing else. I am certain that when I open my eyes, I will see stars.

I am filled with a hatred so hot it warms me from the inside out, so bright that I might never truly be cold. 

I hate that he is the one that makes me feel this way, and that the statement alone is as much honesty I can bare, even to myself. I am a coward. 

My thoughts are splintering under the guiding action of his fingers, and I realize his clever poison is not simply along the sweat of his skin or tucked in between stolen kisses. It is in his words, his breath, and it is in me, too. And now, I am not sure I will ever be able to escape it.

Masterlist

i don't think i've ever written a first-person tfota fic. anyway i have absolutely nothing to say for myself. enjoy, sluts and whores <3

Tag List:

@cutekawaiihentaiboobies @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @whoviantalibah @snusbandxknifewife @goddess-of-writing @storiesandschemes @thesirenwashere @aelin-queen-of-terrasen @andromeddea @clockworkgraystairs @hizqueen4life @highqueenjudeduarte @the-chick-of-the-air @dorkzrul @sassylunars @justabunchoffandoms @queenofgreenbriar @fandomfanatic987 @df3ndyr @brittneyal @woodsbeyond1 @clouds-and-peonies @mis-lil-red @firestarsandseneschals @b00kworm @bisexual-bibliophile @greenbumblebee @danaanruhn @acciomanorian @ireallyshouldsleeprn @vanessa172003 @janeslandrys @potterpasties @nahthanks @ahdiejajdjsiaksudjjssj @queen-of-demons-and-hell @thefolkofthefic @myunfortunatenightmare @reneereadsstuff @lordoftermites @figonas @aftg-tcp-soc4402 @dumble-daddy @greenbriarxrose @shadowhuntingdemigod @pollyaunt @kittkatandbooboo @savagelysarcasticsilence @romantic-loverr @teenyweenynightghost @bookcide

[iheartgracie]

jude duarte badass quotes

Instead of being afraid, I could become something to fear

The odd thing about ambition is this: You can acquire it like a fever, but it is not so easy to shed.

I kissed him on the mouth, and then I threatened to kiss him some more if he didn't do exactly what I wanted.

Vivi is right; it cost me something to be the way I am. But I do not know what. And I don't know if I can get it back. I don't even know if I want it.

I'm not a monster, I'd told her, back when I said I would never hurt Oak. But maybe being a monster was my calling.

You put a curse on that girl over there,” I tell him. “Fix her immediately.”

“She admired my ears,” the boy says. “I was only giving her what she desired. A party favor.”

“That’s what I am going to say after I gut you and use your entrails as streamers,” I tell him. “I was only giving him what he wanted. After all, if he didn’t want to be eviscerated, he would have honored my very reasonable request.

“If I cannot become better than them. I will become so much worse.”

“Sorry if you can’t read my handwriting,” I say, grabbing the notebook. The page tears, leaving most of my night’s work shredded. “But that’s not exactly my disadvantage.”

“I brush myself off. “Are you calling me out? Because then it’s my right to choose the time and the weapon.” How I would love to knock her down.”

“I don’t feel particularly miserable right at the moment.” I can’t show him I’m afraid.

His mouth curls. “What happiness do you have? Rutting and breeding. You’d go mad if you accepted the truth of what you are. You are nothing. You barely exist at all. Your only purpose is to create more of your kind before you die some pointless and agonizing death.”

I look him in the eye. “And?”

He seems taken aback, although the sneer doesn’t leave his face.

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I am going to die. And I am a big liar. So what?”

“You had the advantage of me twice, and twice you gave it away. Good luck getting it again.”

“Perhaps someone will ask for your hand and you’ll be made a permanent member of the High Court.”

“I want to win my place,” I tell her.”

“They talk about honor, but what they really care about is power. I am good enough with a blade, knowledgeable in strategy. All I need is a chance to prove myself.”

“Take a big bite.”

“Make me,” I say before I can stop myself”

“She can show us how sorry she is,” Cardan drawls. “Tell her she doesn’t belong in the Summer Tournament.”

“Afraid I’ll win?” I ask, which isn’t smart.”

“Nicasia's wrong about me. I don't desire to do as well in the tournament as one of the fey. I want to win. I do not yearn to be their equal. In my heart, I yearn to best them.”

“I don’t care if they don’t like my being in the tournament. Once I become a knight, I’ll be beyond their reach.”

“Do you know why Madoc won’t let me try for knighthood? Because he thinks I’m weak.”

“Jude,” she cautions.

“I thought I was supposed to be good and follow the rules,” I say. “But I am done with being weak. I am done with being good. I think I am going to be something else.”

“Cardan’s gaze catches mine, and I can’t help the evil smile that pulls up the corners of my mouth. His eyes are bright as coals, his hatred a living thing, shimmering in the air between us like the air above black rocks on a blazing summer day.

“Have you lost your wits?” Taryn demands, shaking my shoulder so that I have to turn to her. “You’re making everything worse. There’s a reason no one stands up to them.”

“I know,” I say softly, unable to keep the smile off my lips. “A lot of reasons.”

She’s right to be worried. I just declared war.”

“Give up.”

“Never,” I say.”

“I leave my books and cross the grass toward them. Cardan half-turns, and I shove him so hard that his back hits one of the trees. His eyes go wide.

“I don’t know what you said to her, but don’t you ever go near my sister again,” I tell him, my hand still on the front of his velvet doublet. “You gave her your word.”

“I’m not withdrawing from the tournament,” I tell her.

“Even if it wins you nothing but more woe?” she asks.

“Even then,” I say.”

“My good intentions evaporate on the wind. My blood is on fire, boiling in my veins. I do not have much power, but here is what I have—I can force his hand. Cardan might want to hurt me, but I can make him want to hurt me worse. We’re supposed to play at war. When they call us to our places, I play. I play as viciously as possible”

“You’re no killer, Madoc said.

Right now I feel that I could be.”

“Get down on your knees,” Cardan says, looking insufferably pleased with himself. His fury has transmuted into gloating. “Beg. Make it pretty. Flowery. Worthy of me.”

“Beg?” I echo.”

“You think because you can humiliate me, you can control me?” I say, looking him in those black eyes. “Well, I think you’re an idiot. Since we started being tutored together, you’ve gone out of your way to make me feel like I’m less than you. And to coddle your ego, I have made myself less. I have made myself small, I have kept my head down. But it wasn’t enough to make you leave Taryn and me alone, so I’m not going to do that anymore.

“I am going to keep on defying you. I am going to shame you with my defiance. You remind me that I am a mere mortal and you are a prince of Faerie. Well, let me remind you that means you have much to lose and I have nothing. You may win in the end, you may ensorcell me and hurt me and humiliate me, but I will make sure you lose everything I can take from you on the way down. I promise you this”—I throw his own words back at him—“this is the least of what I can do.”

[lidiasloca]

Jude's birthday party (jurdan fic)

Post QON

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆

“I thought you told me you understood.” Jude says, which leaves me silent because, unfortunately, I can’t lie.

I told her I understood that she always celebrates her birthday with her twin and that she didn’t want to change that, since it wouldn’t be fair for Taryn.

However, what I don’t understand is why she can’t see that she is now the high queen, and because of that reason she ought to have her own party.

“I- I did” I say, looking down like a little kid. “I was just saying that she can celebrate it the next day.”

She doesn’t seem to take that well because she stares at me with that crazy-look of hers.

“Cardan” Jude responds, separating every vowel. “You won’t tell her that because she’ll agree with you, and she’ll feel bad and blah blah blah. You know how she is.”

I sigh. It’s not that I want to do this to Taryn because I’d enjoy messing with her. The thing is that I want for Jude to have a proper revel in her honor, the queen’s honor.

I see her furiously moving around our chamber, taking clothes and tidying everything, it makes me chuckle.

“What?” She asks when she hears me. “It’s not funny that you are so messy.” Little lying thing she is.

She is the messy one, and actually, these clothes she’s holding right now are hers. I won’t tell her that, though, she’s already too fuming to add any more wood.

She keeps moving around the room. “Judie,” I come closer to her from behind and take her hands, dropping the clothes she’s holding on the floor.

“Don’t call me that.” She hisses, while I can’t suppress a smirk.

“If you want to share your birthday party with her tomorrow, then so be it. It’s your call.” I kiss her cheek, hugging her from behind. “But don’t expect me to share my present for you with her.” She turns to me, grinning now, and hides her face on the crook of my neck.

“What’s your present?” I can feel her lips move as she speaks on my neck. 

“I won’t tell you, wife, you know that.” I’ve been secretly planning her presents for months now, and it’s been hard because she’s all too curious about it, bombarding me with questions every time I mention the day.

“Agh. I want to know.” She sobs exaggeratedly as she moves out of our embrace to stare at me. “If…” She says, smirking playfully. “you tell me about the present, I’ll let you do the revel thing you want to do.” She’s so bad and manipulative, that I can’t help but feel butterflies. 

“You mean celebrating only your birthday. Exclude Taryn. You mean that?” She nods with no apparent guilt. “You mean doing what I have begged you to let me do for months? You mean doing what used to get you mad all the time when I brought it up?” I’m trying to maintain a serious tone now, but it is hard when she keeps nodding with that mischievous smile on. “Only because you do not wish to wait a day to know what your presents are?” 

Suddenly Jude’s lips part in surprise to next become, once again, a smile. “What?” I ask confused. “Presents? You said presents. In plural.”

She misses nothing. “You are-” -Really annoying- I want to say, but again, I can’t lie.

“I’m what?” She laughs, coming closer again to wrap her arms around my waist.

“Well, now that I’ve told you about my present, you’ll let me do your party my way, won’t you?” I ask, my lips on her hair.

“Mmm… I don’t think the treaty was ever settled. Plus, it wasn't intentional to tell me. It wouldn’t be fair.”

I can’t see it, but I’d bet my kingdom she is right now smirking, thinking of me foolish.

-Characters by Holly Black

[ezziefae]

sorry for the perverted question, but what do you think was the position in which Jurdan made love in tqon? Jude narrates something like: 1-I fumble in the right position (so she was on top?) 2-I bite his palm (this I really can't imagine how) 3-his face is totally unprotected (maybe missionary style? but instead of hide his face in her neck, did Cardan want to see her face or was he under her?)

hello! no worries, a lot of fans have wondered the same thing. there was another blog here that explained this perfectly, unfortunately i cannot find it, so i’ll try my best to answer this!

Jude was on top of him the entire time. Cardan was lying completely on the floor and Jude sat on top of him, straddling him.

“I move so that I am straddling his body. Looking down at him, I study the plains of his chest, the voluptuous black curls damp against his brow, his slightly parted lips, the furred length of his tail.” (TQON, 210)

When Jude makes her way into the right position, Cardan holds her hips guiding her down towards him.

“He holds me steady through the sharp, bright spark of pain.” (TQON, 210)

The part about biting his palm is hard to imagine. But i’m guessing Cardan was somehow touching her face while making love. Most likely caressing it, and Jude bit his palm out of pleasure.

When Jude says “His face is wholly unguarded”it means Cardan wasn’t hiding any emotion he was feeling at that moment. There were feelings of pleasure shown across his face. He didn’t hide himself by hiding his face. They were completely vulnerable and transparent.

it’s pretty simple, they were both exposed to each other, and they both could see each others faces completely.

hope that’s helps! if you need me to explain anything else please let me know! :)

[wanderingpages]

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾Gentle Sins AU☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

“Are you going to help me take my clothes off too?” I meant it to sound teasing – I wanted to show him I could play his game too – but I was breathless, I was buzzing with anticipation.

“You know it wouldn’t end there, Jude,” he gave me a wry look. “It's a shame,” he rose and ruffled my hair, “It's a shame you’re my sister,” he murmured, needlessly reminding me. “Because that was some damn fine pussy, baby.”

TFOTA // All Human // AU : Jude and Cardan do things step-siblings shouldn't do.

Trigger Warnings: Crude language, Allusions to Drugs/Alcohol, Debauching Catholicism/Religious Metaphors, Taboo Sex.

Special thank you to @headcannonxgalore for putting up with my shenanigans and helping me keep this cohesive ❤️

Jude's POV

She’s grabbing on to his shoulder, her thigh held high by one of his hands, the other at the base of her head, holding her still as he kisses her deeply. Soft moans filter out of her and heavy breaths from him. It’s only when his hips start to move that I realize just how loose his pants are, how askew the bottom of his shirt is. He’s fucking her in the dressing room – of the church no less. My heart pounds so hard I feel like my entire body is throbbing along with it.  My hand comes up to my mouth, stifling the gasp I nearly let out. What had I come in for? My mind has gone blank, and I’m too alarmed to move. I’m standing here, staring at them with my mouth parted.

She pulls away, leaning her head back against the wall, the top of her updo nearly touching the tip of the cross that is hanging above them. Her eyes are shut, and her mouth parts as he glides his lips down to her throat. “Cardan,” she whispers his name – the name of my new step-brother – “Oh – God, Cardan!” His mother’s bridesmaid is in pure ecstasy during his short, controlled thrusts. There’s warmth wafting over my body and under my skin, and I think I should be appalled or angry – how could they be so brazen on holy ground of all places? But, I don’t feel anything except a torrid heat pooling uncomfortably in the pit of my stomach.

My palms are so clammy, they start sweating on to the ribbon wrapped around the bouquet of flowers I'm still holding on to. Something in my middle coils, when the hand that holds her head moves slowly to encase her throat. Each of his fingers are adorned with silver rings, now decorating her throat like a choker. Cardan squeezes lightly but I’m the one that feels dizzy. The bridesmaid gasps, and it sounds like sobs she’s trying to hold in. She’s calling out for God, but it’s him – it’s Cardan, who she’s at the mercy of. Her eyes open so wide, looking up at him with reverence; even I know she’s silently pleading for more. When he releases her throat, it’s red under her tanned skin. He runs his hand down her breasts, to under the skirt of her dress, parting the high slit and pushing the fabric above her waist.

When I hear his throaty, gruff voice as she mewls and whimpers, pressing her knuckles to her mouth, stifling her screams, “That’s it, baby… you’re so fucking close,” I am finally pulled out of my stupor. I hastily back away, and then he says, “Don’t.” I pause my movements on command. My throat feels like cotton is stuck in it; it’s hard to swallow, hard to breathe. “Don’t come yet…” I realize then, that he’s not even talking to me, but to the bridesmaid he’s screwing. “I’m not ready for you to come,” he murmurs. His words bring a shiver down my spine. My skin rises in cold bumps, my nipples grow hard under the silk of the dress. I feel exposed, despite it being them fucking under the sad watchful eyes of Jesus Christ.

I blink, trying to bring myself into focus. I pull the door after me, trying not to make a noise as the latch clicks into place. I stand there, staring at the wooden door, cheeks warm and red, breathing so heavy, one would think it’s me in there instead. I’ve never had siblings before today, and I’m unsure if I should stay and keep watch before someone else walks in on them or scurry off and act like nothing has happened. I back away, leaning against the wall before sliding down, dropping my head to my knees. My knuckles are in my mouth, scabbed over from before, but I gnaw anxiously, softening the skin, until I taste metallic. I feel sick. I think I’m having something close to a panic attack. I squeeze the bouquet so tight in my other hand that my fingers begin to cramp. I lean my head back and slowly release my grip, one finger at a time, letting the flowers fall beside me.

I move both my hands to my chest, feeling like the dress I have on is getting way too tight for me. I want to throw up, but even worse, I want to see how it ends. I want to see his face. Cardan. I sluggishly get up, pressing a hand to my forehead, testing how feverish I actually am. I sigh and reach for the pins in my hair, quickly undoing the tight bun, wondering if it’ll help with the way my head feels so heavy. I should go, I think wearily, this isn’t my business, and I shouldn’t make it mine.

I glance at the door, jumping when she lets out a loud cry that’s very quickly muffled. I feel so detached as I carefully walk back to where the rest of the guests are standing outside of the grand cathedral. They’re watching the bride and groom drive away, my new stepmother and my father. They’re headed off to the venue everyone will soon be filing into. I can’t even focus on the scene in front of me, of the newlyweds beaming at each other in the vintage convertible. I feel like I’ve bathed in lava. I can’t even blame the sun. I’m thinking about Cardan Greenbriar and I feel something beyond sin wash over my body.

We had only met last night at the rehearsal dinner. He was very busy, Asha had assured me during the year she spent engaged to my father. I thought, then that maybe it was okay, that her son is older and off doing his own thing. Selfishly, I hoped she could play mom for me. And she did. And I grew to love her for it, so I felt a little nervous to finally meet her son. Dad, who had met him already, told me there was nothing to worry about – he was a charming young man, and of course he would be, with Asha as his mother.

“Jude, right?” he’d asked, coming to stand beside me. I’d never really contemplated how he’d look, but God, I thought, as I looped my arm around his, he’s gorgeous. I took in his features; his dark curls, as inky as his mother’s, and his eyes just as deep and dark as hers too. Long black eyelashes fluttered softly over sharp cheekbones, a thin loop of silver piercing through the left side of his nose, a diamond stud on one ear and an array of different earrings on the other side, from a bar across the shell to the dagger looking one that dangled a little less than an inch from his lobe. His soft pink lips said my name again, and I thought how unfair it was, that we hadn’t met before our parents.

My mouth felt dry, but I still managed to respond. “Yeah, sorry,” I had smiled, and he had mirrored me right back, patting my hand. His brows furrowed when he looked down to where his fingers touched at the bandages I’d wrapped around my middle knuckles. I didn’t feel embarrassed, couldn’t really concentrate, taking in the intricate rings he had on instead, trying to memorize them for some reason. I looked back up at him and I couldn’t help but feel like he was already deep in my brain, picking apart all the signals sending me motor functions.  “Ah, it's nothing,” I finally said, flexing my fingers a little against his sleeve. I clear my throat, “And you’re Cardan, right?” his eyes glinted then, I almost hadn’t caught it.

“Yeah,” he said. “Your new big brother.” It felt mocking. For some reason, it made me feel nauseous. Right, my new… stepbrother. He’s only two years my senior, in his second year of college. I knew, as the last year had been since the engagement, his presence in my life would be sparse if not completely absent – so it didn’t feel right for him to take on the big brother role so seriously.

“Umm, I guess so,” I had mumbled, feeling like he’d lit a fire inside my soul. I was annoyed at myself, for this sudden attraction, but at him too, for guessing at my little crush. I tried to play it off, thinking that maybe I had been overreacting – Cardan was being cordial, due to our parents, so the least I could do was give him the courtesy, acting likewise. “I’ve always wanted a sibling,” I lied. He knew and his grin only grew wider.

As the music started, we followed my youngest cousin, Oak, down the nave. When I tripped, Cardan had held me tighter, moving his hand to brace against my back as he helped me fix myself. “You okay, little sister?” I’m not, I thought. His words threw me more than my almost fall. I didn’t feel okay at all. Not then, not earlier when we walked down the aisle together, and not later, when I walked in on him and the bridesmaid I’d shared drinks with the week prior. I felt deeply unwell. I think Cardan liked it that way.

“Jude?” His voice makes me jump out of my skin. I’m rattled to my bones and when I come to my senses, I realize I’m among the handful of people still loitering in front of the church. I take my hand away from my mouth, hiding it beneath my other hand and I turn to Cardan, trying to mask my emotions. Despite his awry hair, he looks as put together as he did during the ceremony. He waves a small designer purse in front of me, “This what you wanted?” I blink up at him, jarred. That’s right, Asha had asked me to retrieve it for her. “That’s why you’re still here, right?” I nod, despite the way my heart rate suddenly picks up, I press my lips together, not wanting to ask if he’s made a guess about it or if he knew what I walked in on.

“Thanks,” I say, my voice sounding on the verge of hysterics. I clear my throat, “Yep, just wanted to watch them drive away first,” I lie, and his lips, tilting just the barest, lets me know I haven’t fooled him. I want to tell him I’m starting to hate him and I think he’s a sick pervert, but then what does that make me, standing there just watching? I want to tell him anyway, just to see that dark smirk on his face because he knows his little sister is full of shit.

I take the purse and Cardan puts an arm over my shoulder, his hand dangling by my neck as he turns me towards the parking lot. I’m lightheaded, contemplating all the places that hand has been. God, I hope he’s washed it at least. I can’t help but think if he moves his fingers just a little bit, they’d be right where my pulse is hammering into my skin. There’s no way he doesn’t feel it.

“You need a ride, don’t you?” I’m stiff, but he must feel the nod I give him. Cardan smells just like her perfume, I realize. Something sweet like cherries. I would know because she had been behind me the whole ceremony. I feel dizzy and flustered, maybe more so when he opens the passenger side door for me, and gently guides me in. The slit on my dress allows a very scandalous view all the way up to my thighs. I try to fix it over me, but it’s a more tedious act than I’d anticipated. I finally opt to place the purse over my exposed thigh, and look up to him, still holding the door open.  He’s amused, I can tell. In fact, I don’t think a moment has passed since we met that he didn’t find our interactions amusing. His stoic features struggle with every muscle to remain straight faced. I think he’s an asshole, and I think he knows I think this too.

Cardan shuts the door and heads to the driver’s side, starting up the car. He turns to me, almost expectantly, and I wonder what it is that he’s expecting. An apology for walking in on him? A thank you for the ride? I open my mouth to try to say something, but he’s suddenly inches away from me. I hold my breath, but it’s already too late. Under her perfume, I smell his cologne that had encased me the entire walk down the aisle. Something fresh and ambery. “Wha – oh.” I say dumbly, watching him pull the seat belt strap over me.

He pauses, “By the way,” glancing to my lips before returning his gaze to my eyes, “you dropped your flowers.”

Next Part →

Masterlist

Gentle Sins Masterlist

[mylovecardan]

Promise Me? (A small Jurdan fic<3)

A/N: This is the second part of this story and you'll need to read the first part before this one if you haven't already @shadowqueen25 hope you like this one toooo. ( If you don't then it's totally fine don't hesitate to comment it and I'll make sure to improve it in future <3)

Part II

Jude's p.o.v

I can't believe this is happening again.

They kidnapped me, once again. But this time around, It's worse. They know I can't be glamoured, know how I tricked them into believing otherwise the first time. And they are furious.

I feel a terrible pain in my ribs as she punches me hard. ''Oops! did it hurt?'' Nicasia asks mockingly and I just glare at her, trying my best not to show any signs of pain on my face. It's proving to be harder as the time passes.

Here, in Undersea, I'm completely helpless just like before. But with no way out this time. I'm gonna die here alone. So close to home, yet so far away. Not even Cardan can do anything this time, because he has no clue I'm here. I bite my tongue to stop myself from crying out in pain. I don't wanna die like this. I don't wanna die at all. Not here, so far away from him.

Nicasia's face is now inches from me, her one hand gripping my hair, the other pressing my dagger against my neck. She starts dragging it slowly causing me to let out a scream. She laughed maniacally as I finally broke and pressed it harder.

''Don't worry little mortal, we're not gonna kill you so fast. You deserve to suffer for everything that you've done. And this is just the beginning. We're gonna have so much fun together'' A horrible but somewhat familiar voice says from my right. I turn my head slightly to see who spoke, and my eyes widen in surprise and terror.

No. This can't be. He's dead. I know because I killed him.

Valerian looks even more terrifying than I remember. His eyes are sunken, his skin rotting in places. Our eyes meet and he snarls at me.

''You really thought all your days of glory were gonna last? Stupid mortal. Thinking she can be anything other than worthless. You might've fooled that stupid high king, but the rest us know you are nothing but a lying, deceitful creature and you will meet the end you deserve. No one will mourn you. No one will remember you. You are nothing and you will be nothing just like your mortal parents.'' He whispers cruelly in my ear.

''Funny coming out of your mouth because as far as my memories serve, this worthless mortal was the one who ended your 'immortal' life. It's you who's been dead for years and no one cares.'' I snap and his face turns dangerous as he snarls furiously and stab me in my mortal heart.

As I cough up blood and the life drains out of me I think of those black eyes and soft wicked mouth, and all i feel is regret.

I wake up from the nightmare but don't dare open my eyes.

I'm in hell.

There's no other explanation for the excruciating pain I feel in my entire body. Maybe that wasn't just a nightmare at all and Valerian really did murdered me and now, just how I knew I would, I'm in hell paying for all my sins.

I slowly open my eyes, wincing against the pain, and my eyes land on a very familiar sleeping face.

Well, if hell is a place where he's there with me, then I don't mind it so much.

But, if I'm dead and in hell, does that mean he died too?

And why the hell does my whole body hurts so much if I already died?

I groan loudly as my head starts to throb. I squeeze my eyes shut as the pain becomes unbearable.

''Jude?'' I hear a voice but I'm in too much pain to do anything.

''Jude! Oh I can't believe you're finally awake." I realize it's Cardan who's talking to me and I open my eyes to look at his face.

''Are we dead?'' I ask him stupidly, my voice hoarse, my mind unable to think of any coherent thoughts.

''What?'' He leans in closer to hear me properly

''Are we dead?' I clear my throat and repeat the question more clearly this time.

''No. No we're not dead. You're not dead. We're both alive. You're here and so am I.'' He whispers softly against my forehead as he places soft kisses between each sentence while his trembling hand caresses my hair.

''How did I-'' I trail off as I fail to remember how I ended up in this situation.

Cardan looks at me, worry itched on his face as he asks softly ''Y-you don't remember what happened.?''

I frown at him and try hard to remember and everything comes rushing to my mind. How I sneaked out in night to deal with those assailants, how everything suddenly went downhill and they almost killed me. I remember my Court of Shadows intervening and realize it must've been Cardan who sent them after me. I feel a sudden pang of guilt when I remember the memories from the night before. How we had that argument and how I agreed at the end that I won't go.

I open my mouth to say something, apologize mostly, but my words get stuck in my throat when he softly presses his lips against mine.

''Cardan I'm-''

''Rest Jude.'' He says in a soft voice his gaze roaming all over my face. ''You need your strength back. We'll talk later when you feel better. For now, go back to sleep.''

He's hurt. Of course he is hurt. I lied to him even though I said that I wouldn't. I messed up. I open my mouth to try again but he just shook his head and pressed one last kiss on my forehead and then walked out the room, leaving me alone with my guilt.

Cardan's p.o.v

It's been 22 days since they brought Jude in that condition. 19 since she gained consciousness. And I still haven't had the courage to talk to her.

It's not like I'm ignoring and avoiding her completely. I have been taking care of her every needs. I spend most of my time with her and make sure she's taking proper rest and meals and I can see that she is getting better. Well as better as someone who was almost killed can get in such a small amount of time. It will take a lot more time for her to fully heal, but it's still progress.

Though I can feel that she wants to talk to me badly.have a proper conversation instead of just talking about her recovery and health. I feel terrible avoiding every conversation she tries to make with me. I can see how it's killing her but I just don't think I'm ready to talk about what happened. At least not yet.

''They are still in hiding. I've got our spies searching for their exact location. We've had no luck so far but I'm sure we'll find them in no time.'' I'm sitting at a table in the Court of Shadows with The Roach, the Bomb, and the Ghost as he updates us on the assailant situation.

A few days after the incident, our spies got a word that somehow, some of them managed to escape. They've been in hiding ever since and we've been trying to locate them but our efforts have been of no avail.

When we find them, I will make sure that they meet the end they deserve. I might be against murder, but no one hurts my wife. If I were any good at fighting, I would've gone after them personally.

''Send someone else. Someone better.'' I'm tired of waiting now. I don't care if the Ghost thinks that those spies he sent are one of the best. They are obviously not good enough if even after all this time they've failed to figure out their location.

''Cardan we must be patient. They are good at their job and they will uncover their hideout.'' the Roach says with an exasperated sigh.

''They might be good, but they're not good enough. Send them a message saying that they are to return immediately. Someone else will take their place. Someone who won't waste our time. And that is not a request'' I say with finality in my voice. They all exchange a look. But they can't refuse my order regardless of how much they might dislike it.

''Whatever pleases you my king.'' the Roach says with a slight bow of his head and leaves the room.

''Do you thi-'' the Bomb begins but stops and her eyes widen at something behind me and I turn around in my seat to look. My heart skips a beat and my eyes widen when they land on Jude who is standing at the threshold, her right arm in a sling and a blanket around her shoulders.

I instantly jump out of my chair and run towards her. ''Jude what happened? Is everything alright? You shouldn't be out of bed. Do you need somethin-''

''Can we talk?'' She asks in a low voice. I immediately realize what this is all about and gulp.

''I- uh w-we were discussing something uh- something important. C-can't it wait?'' I stumble upon my words as I try to come up with an excuse to avoid the inevitable ,yet again, like a coward.

''I'm sure whatever it is, they'll manage fine without your input.'' She looks behind me at Bomb giving her a look.

''Yeah, uh- you can go Cardan. We were done anyway.'' I groan mentally when she replies.

Looks like there's no way out this time. Jude raises an eyebrow at me and I sigh, wrapping an arm around her shoulder to guide her. She's still too weak to be roaming around like this.

Well she wouldn't have gotten out of bed if you'd just had the courage to talk to her like a grown up adult that you are instead of avoiding her.

I ignore the voice in my head and silently guide the way. Once we reach our room, I help her sit on the bed while I lean against the wall.

''So, what is it that you wanted to talk about?'' I ask, acting dumb. She looks up at me but avert her gaze as soon as they meet mine.

''You're mad at me.'' She doesn't ask me but rather states it.

''And you deduced this conclusion.....how ?'' I say raising an eyebrow at her.

''It's all written on your face Cardan. Even your actions. You can't even talk to me unless it's about my health. In these past days you've made sure I have everything I need. But what I really need is to talk to you. Have a normal conversation like we used to have.'' I can feel her frustration rising with every word.

''I am having a conversation with you now. Am I not? So tell me Jude, what made you think that I was be mad at you, as I've been feeling quite a few things but anger at you wasn't one of them. What is it that made you so certain that I was? Should I be mad at you?'' Out of everything that I've been feeling, anger wasn't one of them. Okay maybe there was a little bit of anger too. But it wasn't at her. My feelings were more of guilt and hurt and a slight betrayal.

Now as my mind is forced to relive those moments, I feel it. I feel my anger rising though I'm not sure if it's all directed towards the woman in front of me.

Her expression changes slightly, but she's quick to hide it before I can make sense of it. I raise an eyebrow as she opens her mouth several times but no words come out.

Wasn't she the one who wanted to have a conversation?

''Forgive me.'' She blurts out.

'' Whatever for?'' I feel kind of terrible for making this harder than it should be but honestly, have I ever been considerate about anyone's feelings before?

Yes. You've been considerate when it comes to her

''You know what.'' I only shrug as a response making her let out an exasperated sigh.

''You're terrible.'' She said in a low voice, but loud enough for me to hear.

''Never claimed to be better.'' I smirk when she glares at me.

She's cute when she's angry.

''Cardan'' She says my name in a warning tone.

''Jude'' I repeat in the exact tone as her.

Ahhhh and I'm supposed to be the high king!? I can't even stop acting like child!

Jude groans loudly ''Must you always be so difficult!?''

''I don't know what you want from me Jude!!''

''I WANT YOU TO LISTEN!'' She screams suddenly.

''I AM LISTENING.'' If she's gonna shout like that, then I'll do so as well.

Grow up for once Cardan!

''No you're not! You're acting all dumb when I know very well that you know what I'm talking about! I've apologized Cardan. Why are you being so difficult still!?

''Yes, you apologized Jude. And how exactly do you want me to react? What am I supposed to say? That it's alright? That I accept your apology and we can go back to how we used to be!? You think it's that easy!? That you can just do what you did, then mutter an apology and expect it to be enough!? YOU LIED TO ME JUDE!! YOU LIED TO ME EVEN THOUGH YOU PROMISED ME OTHERWISE. I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU USED THAT AGAINST ME!'' I take a few calming breaths to stop myself from shouting when I notice the fragile state she's in right now. It isn't fair of me to shout at her when she's like this.

I start again in a much calmer voice ''You used my trust in you against me and then left knowing full well that it was a suicide mission. I warned you that it would be too dangerous. But you, my stubborn stubborn Jude, you didn't heed my advice. You thought that nothing could've hurt you or break you because you know how to fight. And honestly I don't blame you for thinking that as you've proved your strength time and time again. I've never once doubted your fighting skills but this time, you did got hurt Jude! And it was terrifying. I was so terrified for you. I thought this time, you wouldn't make it. That I lost you forever because I wasn't there there to protect you!'' My voice raises slightly even though I tried hard to not do so. I'm struggling to breath as I feel too many emotions at a time. I take deep breaths in attempt to calm myself.

Her eyes are starting to glisten now. ''I didn't expect it to get so out of hand. They caught me off guard and I wasn't able to pull myself together in time.''

''Well if you had just listened to me and stayed or at the very least Jude, took someone with you, that wouldn't have been the case. It could've been avoided, had you been truthful about your intentions.'' I run a hand through my hair. Controlling my anger is proving to be harder as our conversation progresses.

''It wasn't my intention to lie.'' She walks towards where I'm standing.

''And yet you did.'' She flinched at my tone and took a step back and I instantly felt guilty. I open my mouth to say something, anything to make her feel better but before I can utter even a single syllable, she starts speaking again.

''I couldn't tell you what I had planned. If I had, then you would've tried to stop me an-''

''Of course I would've tried to stop you Jude. I will always stop you if staying will result in you being safe.'' I can't stop my voice from raising now.

''Easy for you to say because you don't get it Cardan! We're not the same. You're idea of safety and mine are completely different. If I feel threatened, then I'd rather take care of my enemies than stay cooped up somewhere. And this time it wasn't my life threatened but rather Oak's. I can't just sit by idly when someone tries to kill my brother. I can't sit behind the curtains and just give orders to someone. He's my family and I'm supposed to make sure he's safe and I failed at doing so. Had I done a better job at ensuring his safety and protecting him, then all this would've never happened.'' Her body has began trembling now. If it's because of weakness or anger or something else, I can't tell.

I quickly walk towards her and make her sit on the bed. I sit on my knees in front of her taking her chin in my hand and force her to look at me. My chest feels heavy when I notice the unshed tears in her eyes.

''That's what it was about? You didn't want someone else to do the job because you felt obligated to do so? because you thought that you failed at protecting him?'' I ask her gently. A tear escapes her eyes and I wipe it away with my thumb, gently caressing her cheek to try to calm her.

''I know it's really stupid.'' She whispers, her eyes closing against my touch.

''No, it's not stupid.'' Her eyes open and she looks at me. Her brows pulling down in a frown.

''You think so?''

''Wouldn't have left my mouth had I not believed it to be true.'' I give her a small smile and another tear falls out of her eyes and I quickly wipe it away, cupping her face in my hands.

''Caring about your family isn't stupid. You may think I won't understand much about family values because mine never cared about me, but I do understand them. Because you, Jude Greenbriar, are my family. I am no murderer, but I would kill whoever will dare hurt you. So no, I do not think it's stupid. It was stupid to keep it all from me. Had I known you felt so strongly about it all and that you blamed yourself, I would've gone with you. I would've taken a whole army to make sure that I capture them all, and then I would've thrown them in your feet and let you deal with them in whichever way you saw fitting.''

Wow did I really just said all that?

''That was........really sweet Cardan. Who knew you are willing to go to all those lengths for someone.'' She says jokingly.

''No one shall hear about it or else they'll be disappointed to know that it's only for you. And I do have a reputation to maintain'' I smirk and press a kiss against her knuckles.

I can't believe I'm such a fool when it comes to her. I can't even stay mad at her for long.

''I-I'm really sorry Cardan. For everything.'' I sigh at this.

''Don't apologize. I'm just....hurt that you felt the need to lie to me. It really hurt me to think that you can't trust me the way I trust you-''

''I do trust you Cardan.''

''You wouldn't have hidden the truth from me if you really did trust me. I don't know what I did to make you think that you couldn't. But Is it really that hard? To just say the truth for once, tell me what you really feel instead of lies and half truths?'' I look down at her knees.

She grabs the back of my neck and force me to look at her. ''Listen to me Cardan'' Her grip on my neck tightens. ''I trust you. I.trust.you. The reason why I lie has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I've been lying about my feelings for so long that it's almost like a second nature now. Don't you dare blame yourself for my flaws. I will work on it to get better. I promise.''

''Please don't make any promises, because the last time you did I almost lost you.''

She smacked my arm and I let out a small chuckle. I lean in to press my lips against hers and she wraps her arm around my neck, pulling me closer. I break the kiss and press my forehead against her.

That went better than I thought it would. Now I regret not talking to her sooner. I'm not even surprised that I once again overreacted.

''Don't ever do that again. Don't just leave in the middle of the night like that. Don't ever risk your life like that again because I won't be able to live with myself if anything ever happened to you. I am nothing without you. All that I am is because of you and it would turn to nothing if you won't be beside me'' I whisper.

''Stop, my poor heart can't take such sweet words from you right now.'' A small smile forms on her lips and I smile back, kissing her again. I lay her down on the bed and climb on top of her, being careful of her still healing injuries and kiss her hard. I pour all my emotions into it and she moans softly against my lips.

I peck her lips one last time after we break apart breathing heavily and lie down beside her. My heart feels lighter now that everything is out there. Well everything except for the fact that some of the folks who tried to kill her are still alive. But that can wait till later. For now I just want to lay down with her next to me. I carefully pull her closer and close my eyes when I hear her call my name.

''Cardan?'' She asks in a soft voice.

''Yes wife?''

''Ignore me again like you did, and I promise I would cut your royal tail and then choke you with it.'' She whispers. Her sweet voice such a contrast to her dangerous threat that I can't help but laugh.

''You wouldn't dare harm my 'royal tail', you love it too much.'' I say with a smirk.

''Why don't you try and check out for yourself?'' She trail her hand up and down my tail in a mocking way, causing shivers to run down my spine which only makes her smirk wider.

Something is seriously wrong with me if her threatening my innocent tail is turning me on so much.

Oh I am such a goner.

Thanks for reading this. Hope you all liked it. lots of love <33

[bywayofmemory]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @iamstartraveller776, thanks!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 313. 113 of them are 3SF fics so they only sort of count? I haven't even posted 2024's batch yet.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 452,247

3. What fandoms do you write for? My fandoms list on AO3 is...long. Like 80+ fandoms long. This is once again due to 3SF; fandoms I am or have been actually active in are Firefly, Chronicles of Narnia, Game of Thrones, House of the Dragon, Grisha Trilogy/Shadow and Bone, and Greek Mythology.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Drunk on the Dying Light [Grisha Trilogy, Darklina] A blood-soaked amplifier gives Alina the ability to control him, but the Darkling still haunts her; all the more so once she becomes his wife.

Maybe It Will All Come Back to Me [A Song of Ice and Fire, Jon/Arya] The wars are over, Daenerys is on the Iron Throne, and Arya finds Jon at last, though neither of them are who they were before.

Hold My Heart in Two [A Song of Ice and Fire, Jon/Arya/Sansa] The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives, in whatever form.

The World That's on the Other Side [Firefly, Mal/River] When River Tam is fourteen, she meets a man who tells her her future. She doesn't want it, but he's a different matter altogether.

The Ladies Love Wash, and Wash Loves the Ladies [Firefly, Wash & all the women of Firefly] Wash is popular with the womenfolk; it's just a fact of life.

5. Do you respond to comments? I always try to! Usually I am successful.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't write unhappy endings too often, but two stand out - Always, we strive to get closer, one of my Narnia Fic Exchange fics from last year in which a post-canon Edmund battles through memories to find Susan, only to find she's not ready to give up living even for him, and A Rush of Blood Is Not Enough, a Folk of the Air sex-pollen fic where Jude unknowingly dubcons Cardan and he's very angry once it wears off.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of mine have happy or at least bittersweet endings, so this is hard - but it might well be The World That's on the Other Side, where Mal and River manage to fix everything bad that happened in canon before any of it technically happens at all.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Rarely, since I'm a NNF. I used to get a bit back in the day when I was actively writing Mal/River due to the age gap and mental stability issues inherent in that pairing, and now I get a comment or two on the Darklina fics from time to time. They just get deleted.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes! I write pretty vanilla M/F and F/F smut; haven't gotten further than the mildest of kinks so far.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? All the time. The craziest are probably the Where's Waldo/LotR or Narnia/Sports Mascot RPF [sort of??? how do you even classify fic in which Gritty appears?], both from 3SF. For non 3SF, it's almost all Narnia/ASoIaF. Probably the most unusual of those is The Truth Without Lying, since that's partly a 1940/50s England AU of ASoIaF as well as a crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of, but I don't look for it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yep. There's three of them on AO3, and I've been asked other times, though if those were done they didn't get linked back to my originals.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Only in 3SF, where you can 'cowrite' in terms of leaving a series of prompts or fills with a specific partner or two. That I do almost every year. In the traditional sense, no.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? I don't really work in Firefly anymore for the obvious reasons (dead fandom, the Whedon of it all), but rereading any of my Mal/River work still feels like meeting up with old friends. I love them.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I had a third and fourth part of my Mal/River series Love Keeps Her in the Air planned out, and a good 1/3 of part three written. It's literally the only unfinished fic I have. It never got finished because I moved across the country during the middle of it and my ambition never quite recovered.

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue and characterization. I'm very good at getting character voices down (and typically just avoid writing characters I can't get a handle on, honestly).

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Plot. Beginnings. The absolute worst. This is why I have no WIPs; if I manage to actually get something started, the hard part is out of the way for me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I used to do this all the time in Firefly, using Mandarin phrases they'd used in the show. Everyone did at the time. Now I wouldn't; I'd go the "swore at length in Mandarin" route, or just use dialogue tags and description to indicate the characters are speaking another language, like I do with Valyrian in my HotD fics.

19. First fandom you wrote for? LotR, a very long time ago. Firefly is the first one I published anything for that's still on the internet.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? I have so many favorites! I couldn't possibly choose one, except I could and it's The World That's on the Other Side. The ones written during ~the flow are always my faves, and that one stands out the most in that regard.

Tagging @thatgirlnevershutsup, @wingedflight, @siterlas, @starsuncounted and @oakashandwillow if you want!!

[absinthemind3d]

I Only Want You - Chapter 3

It has been a MINUTE, friends. Here's a short chapter three :)

Read on AO3 above or here, above and below the cut >>>

Chapter 2: Cardan's POV is here (tumblr) or here (AO3)

I Only Want You - Chapter 3: Jude's POV (767 - short one!)

---

I don’t know what has come over me. I am not sure who this fierce girl is, sinking her nails into the High King of Elfhame’s cheeks so hard his pupils widen in shock, but I am surprised to find I don’t care. I don’t care how she got here, I only care that this is what I’m working with now, and I find I am delighted. 

I grin up at him and angle my right hand so it’s braced at his neck, pressing just enough, I am sure, to hurt. I have never wished for those pointy nails I see on girls in the mortal world, thought them wildly impractical, but gods above I wish I had them now. I’d love to see Cardan bleed under my thumb. 

I kiss him, then. Maybe to shut my brain up, maybe because he looks so good, trapped against the door under my hands, maybe because I like to have this control over him as well. 

He kisses me back, with such urgency that I gasp against his lips. The heat that was building as I watched him with the others floods through me now, and I am not sure I can stand much longer. I press every inch of my body against his, all the while thinking it is not close enough. He’s only wearing a thin robe, and I can feel that he’s as intoxicated as I am. No, this isn’t enough. 

I grab his robe by the lapels and begin tugging him towards the bed, and he laughs softly, lips still on mine, hot as ice. 

“Darling Jude, I thought you weren’t lining up for all of this,” I am attempting to shrug his robe off, and he gestures down at himself as I struggle with the tie. 

“Shut up,” I growl, finally managing to get the knot undone. If his lithe fingers had expertly tied this so quickly before, imagine what else he could do with them. The thought has me pushing him back onto the bed. I answer him belatedly as I press against him, both of us sinking into the silk sheets, “There is no more line. I’m not sharing.” I try to say this as threatening as possible, but it comes out more like a breathless plea. I hate it, and yet I can’t stop. 

He looks panicked for a moment in response to my declaration, and I push back a bit, watching him. “Do you know why?” He asks me, and I think I know what he means. 

I tilt my head, unable to, afraid to, speak and interrupt him. 

“Because of you,” he continues, in a rush. “No matter how many nights, how many bodies, how much pleasure, I cannot get you out of my head.” 

He reaches up to brush a strand of hair behind my ear, so tenderly that if we were anyone else, anywhere else, it might have been the sweetest thing and maybe I might have cried, like a soft girl with nothing in her head but optimistic visions of a future with an equally soft boy. 

But I am a murderer, a human, and he is a faerie king, the stuff of fairy tales and nightmares. I only choke out as I reach down between us, “So get me out of your head then. Show me what you cannot stop thinking about. I want to know all of it.” 

At that, he grins, wide and slow, and just like that, the vulnerable boy is replaced with the wicked king. Just as I work up the courage to stroke down his length, my eyes widening in spite of myself, he flips us over so I am beneath him. 

“Do you really want to know, Jude?” He cocks an eyebrow and grinds his hips into my hand in a way that has my head reeling. I worry I may pass out. “I don’t know if you’re ready for what I have planned for you.” 

“Do your worst,” I spit out through gritted teeth, now gripping him hard enough I can feel his blood pounding. I am sure he knows I have no idea what I am doing.

He takes my challenge as permission, and suddenly his hands are everywhere at once, those lithe fingers I’d fantasised about springing to action. He doesn’t settle on any one place, not yet, and I think he must be deliberating. 

Sure enough, he asks me as his hands run down my waist, he rising on his knees so he can take all of me in, eyes hungry, “Where shall I start?”

[clockworkbee]

Hi! I love your analysis/parellels on jurdan! If you're open to questions, what do you think Nicasia & Cardan talked about during Jude's exile? Nicasia told Jude in QoN she was able to get some story from Cardan about them. She knew he was in love with her and she knew he sent her the dress for Prince Dain's coronation. Why would Cardan even tell her those things? Thanks in advance!💙

Heya, bestie.

Many thanks! I'm glad you love my little analyses and parallel posts 💗

I'm always open to questions and asks, the only thing is, I always feel I might not have that satisfactory an answer all the time 🙈

So let's start with the disappointing stuff: I've never much thought of what Nicasia and Cardan might have talked because that's all gonna be assumptions and I try very hard to stick close to the canon stuff. (You'll hardly find head canons on my blog too) I don't read fan-fic either (except the few not very long posts I find here on Tumblr)

However, now that you asked, something clicked in my head, let's see if it makes sense as I write it out.

How Nicasia knew that Cardan sent Jude the dress for Prince Dain's coronation and why he must've told her that?

I think it was mainly because Nicasia had asked him to make the mortal girls suffer,

—The Prince of Elfhame Stomps Around, How The King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories

and besides Cardan's personal reasons for selecting the dress he did, he probably told Nicasia (and maybe the others) just so that they could tell which one was Jude and which one was Taryn because not all of them could recognize Jude just by the way she looked at Cardan :) (tho it doesn't seem like a solid reason now that I've written it coz it's not like anything was planned for the twins on that day except for the few lines Cardan said which made Jude feel confused.) As for

How Nicasia got more of the story out of Cardan and how she knew he loved her?

This I believe is something he must've simply confessed given the heartbroken state and time in which he wrote letter after letter without a single response. He did, after all, consider her a friend, no? 🙈

ps: if anyone wants to add to this, plz do.

Thanks for the ask!

—bee 💗

[eg-writtenthoughts]

My 2022 Reads & Thoughts

As a writer, I don’t have the time to read as much as I’d like. Determined to not feel like I’m completely missing out on something else I love, I gave myself the goal of 12 books in 2022. I was able to meet that goal. At some points, I didn’t read one book a month. Some months, I didn’t read at all. Others, I read an entire series back to back. This post is coming almost a year late, making all of my comments based on memory (with a little Googling for characters I no longer remember).

The twelve books were, not in order:

Blood of Elves (The Witcher, book 1) - Andrzej Sapkowski

A Court of Thorns and Roses - Sarah J. Maas

Throne of Glass - Sarah J. Maas

Ugly Love - Colleen Hoover

A Court of Wings and Ruin - Sarah J. Maas

A Court of Mist and Fury - Sarah J. Maas

Grey (Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian) - E L James

Darker (Fifty Shades as Told by Christian) - E L James

Freed (Fifty Shades as told by Christian) - E L James

These Hollow Vows - Lexi Ryan

These Twisted Bonds - Lexi Ryan

The Cruel Prince (The Folk of the Air, book 1) - Holly Black

At the bottom of my list, was The Cruel Prince by Holly Black. This is the first book  I put on my DNF list which broke my heart. Growing up I read The Spiderwick Chronicles by Black and Tony DiTerlizzi. It was my favourite series and what introduced me to Urban Fantasy. It was a pivotal point to my childhood because it really made a base for me. I went into The Cruel Prince fairly open minded, but I did have expectations. Fairy/Fae fantasy hasn’t been a genre that’s enticed me. I couldn’t tell you why. I love vampires, werewolves, witches, etc. Fairy/Fae hasn’t caught my attention in the same way. When I began The Cruel Prince, it didn’t draw me in. The main character, Jude was unlikable and I had a hard time finding a hook within it to grab. I always look for an unexpected romance but the abuse from Cardan just wasn’t worth wanting a change. And honestly, that’s all I remember. Maybe I’ll try to read it again one day, only because I hold Black on a podium in my head, but it won’t be in 2023.

Next, is Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover. I’m ignoring the controversy that’s come from Hoover and her personal life between the time I read this book and now. I know Hoover is at the peak of her writing career right now and Ugly Love is considered one of her must read books. But, I couldn’t stand it. From what I’ve been told, Hoover has a tendency to touch on heavy topics within her book. Just from this one book, I do not think she has the writing ability to execute these kinds of topics well or with dignity. With no spoilers, Ugly Love has a character trauma that Hoover writes the situation at an surface level of emotions. I didn’t feel anything while reading it. There was suspense of what happened to Miles as you read but it absolutely did not satisfy. It was like hitting a speed bump and for once, it blew out the tire of your car. This might be the only book I’ve returned after reading because of how disappointed I was. Thankfully, the employee at the bookstore agreed with me. I felt vindicated.

Blood of Elves by Andrzej Sapkowski is a book I enjoyed but have a very specific, personal thought about. When it comes to a series, I prefer each book to have its own storyline that also contributes to the overall story. For example, the Harry Potter saga. Blood of Elves however, felt like it was just the starting point of one storyline. It didn’t have a distinctive storyline that was for it alone. It felt long without a satisfying conclusion. The only reason I haven’t entirely put the book in my negative bookshelf in my mind is that I know Henry Cavill is a fan that led him to playing Geralt. So there must be something great about it. It’s also spun off a very successful video game series. I’d be willing to give Blood of Elves another chance, but I would need to be in a cottage, relaxing with the rest of the series with nothing to distract me.

Lumping the next together, is the duology These Hollow Vows and These Twisted Bonds by Lexi Ryan. If I was to rate the duology as one single book, out of five, I’d give it a 3. The first book, These Hollow Vows was a good book but felt like it was missing something. Maybe it had to do with Ryan’s desire to put the story into two books, the first one was just less. Until the end! The end was that amazing cliff hanger where the heroine is shown to be a badass. I loved These Twisted Bonds. It was a swell of the storyline and I felt like I was racing towards the end. The plot wasn’t fleshed out entirely, since I felt like the Queen wasn’t met enough to have her really feel like the villain. The conclusion was satisfying and truly, I didn’t know who the main character would end up with. I’d like to do a re-read just to enjoy the love triangle again.

At the top of my 2022 bookshelf, the books that surprised me the most were Grey, Darker, and Freed by E. L. James. I read the original trilogy (more than once) and I find it a guilty pleasure. It’s a quick read trilogy and decent enough to quiet my brain. It was the first romance only book(s) I’ve read. Similarly to Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyers, the change of perspective, made the story significantly better and more appealing to me. The trauma Christian brings to the story is enticing in a way that naive Ana didn’t have. You genuinely root for Christian and his growth and success. I definitely will re-read this trilogy.

And finally, the first three ACOTAR books and Throne of Glass. I genuinely don’t remember much about Throne of Glass, other than the fact I fell to my urges and googled how the relationships go throughout the series. I’ll be the first to admit that spoilers don’t bother me 95% of the time. I wasn’t a fan of the results and that’s what stopped me from reading more. I plan on trying again to read them, most likely at the end of 2023 or in 2024. I will say, I’m displeased about the cover change. I own the first three books in the 2nd released covers, where Celaena Sardothien is featured. That’s too many for me not to want the rest in that cover. The new ones are nice, but I don’t want to have to re-buy them. 

A Court of Thorns and Roses may be the only Fae books I’ve ever immersed myself into. It’s been a very long time since I’ve fallen into a series/universe that I want to ingest over and over again, especially from a new author. Falling in love with characters (especially Azriel) is a happy and personal feeling. I cried during A Court of Wings and Ruin, from the comradery and love that the characters share, which I don’t do often. Yes, there was a hint of a love triangle in the beginning which always tugs at my attention, but Feyre and Rhys were beautiful. The demise of Tamlin was an incredible side plot that I could hear more about. Maas really knows how to keep her readers actively reading. ACOTAR being a Beauty and the Beast retelling was a great starting point for the series. I read A Court of Frost and Starlight this year and that review is to come. I haven’t read A Court of Silver Flames and that’s from pure stubbornness. I love Feyre’s point of view and yes, Nesta is incredible and her love story with Cassian is intense but I’m picky. From my own opinion, I don’t think this should’ve been a part of ACOTAR but its own independent series. Unless the entire series is jumping POVs, it makes it weird for me. I will definitely be re-reading this series again at some point. The fanfiction online satisfies me for now.

I’m not unhappy with my reading choices for 2022. There were a few that I didn’t like, but we all have to read stuff we don’t like. I know which author I don’t plan on reading again. As an author myself, it really opens my eyes to what audiences are reading and what I like. I know how to focus myself and my plot lines, not going off on wild adventures where I won’t be satisfied with the conclusion. 

[tfotababe]

IT'S HAPPENING!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! eVeRy oNe StAy CaLm??

POST TQN || Set 9 years after TQN (Jude and Cardan should be around 27/28 and 28/29 respectively) (From what I got, the things that happened in TWK and TQN were 2 years long? The story started with Jude being 17 so if it was 2 years then she'd be 19 by the end of TQN. Cardan is supposed to be a year and a half older so he should be around 20 yrs old.)

Description: This is me saying sorry for this fanfic ;) Synopsis: Jude Duarte thinks she is poisoned. She feels sick? It must be the poison. She eats more? It must be because the poison made her weak. She missed her period? Yeah, must have been the poison. Was she poisoned? You guessed it! No! Word count: 1, 172

Currently, the High King of Elfhame is showing his generosity. Honeysuckle wine is being unsparingly distributed through the revel. The floral-honey smell of the wine was pleasant that said, the Queen found the aroma too sweet for her liking. From afar Jude Duarte sees her husband talking to Lord Roiben of the Court of Termites. Their expressions leaving no hint of the matter they are talking about. "Sir Fand." She calls to the blue skinned pixie. "Yes, my Queen?" The pixie answered, not a second wasted. "Check on the girl who tasted my wine. If she's unharmed, inspect my glass. Do your best not to disturb the revel." The female knight immediately left to do as she is told. Suspicion plagued Jude's mind. Fae are still trying their luck at killing her. Going at her neck when they can. The High Queen starts to feel nauseated. She put her elbow onto the handrest of the throne, resting her head on her palms she closed her eyes. Jude Duarte dislikes feeling weak in any way. She especially detests it when she does not know why she feels like such. Why did she even stop mithridatism? If she hadn't, she would feel normal now. Notice nothing of the poison. Good as new. As comfortable as an infant in a cot. "Jude? Are you alright? You don't look well." She heard a voice say from behind the throne. She does not recognize it but assumes it is Liliver. "I am well. It just seems to me that the revel is a bit... Spirited." The Queen remarked, keeping her eyes closed, brows furrowing. The creatures in the festivity became too talkative for the Queens approval. She'd like to make merry some more, with the ache of her body and the noisiness however, she found it hard to do. Letting their subjects see their Queen sitting down on the throne with a scowl would ruin the entertainment they are having. Though it might as well be an excuse the Queen tells herself, to avoid disclosing the fact that she finds warming the throne tiring. "I'm heading to our chambers." She stood up, almost falling from the sudden movement. Reflexes acting fast, she catches herself by leaning onto a firm object behind her. "Let me offer some help, Your Majesty." The current Grand General, Grima Mog, supports her Queen by her arms. Thank you. Even after many years spent in Elfhame, the Queen can't seem to let go of the mortal habit she had picked up. Luckily, she felt too sick to even move her mouth more than a small crack. Only managing a nod in reply to the redcap. How surprising... Cardan hasn't noticed..? ~~~~~

"I hope you don't mind my dishonoring the title of High Queen." Jude says as she gets helped onto the mattress. "I do not min-" "It wouldn't please me for word to reach the ears of the Fae." She says now looking in the eyes of the green skinned Folk in front of her. It isn't that the Queen does not trust her General. It is only that in the world of Faeries, such words are more powerful than any intimidation. It reminds her of that phrase she saw on Heather's shirt once... 'Sorry not sorry' was it? Grima Mog shows a teethy grin to the mortal she serves. Jude Duarte smiles at the redcap who aids her. "Do call Tatterfell for me." "Yes my Queen." The General bows to Jude before heading out. Jude relaxes into the cushions, laying down and closing her eyes again. She tries to recall what made her tired -- She hadn't done much today -- She woke up, got ready, ate, attended a few meetings, prepared for the revel, ate, drank wine, and now she's back in their chambers. She was only seventeen hours through her day... But then again she hasn't been able to get an adequate amount of sleep for the last couple of days. Did I ingest the poison a few days ago? She thinks. I did miss my period... But that might be caused by my meager amount of slumber. "Lassie. What do you think you're doing, being in such a scandalous position?" Jude opens her eyes, immediately seeing the elder imp. Her debt to Madoc had ended yet she stays with Jude. It makes the High Queen smile. But then she notices the position she is in; legs wide open, golden skirt gathered on her thighs, arms splayed. Suddenly, she feels not so great of a Queen. Warmth rushing to her cheeks she stands up, slowly making her way to the vanity.

Tatterfell brushes the Queen's hair, removing the horns, and brushing her cascading, currently, very curly hair.

"Would you like to bathe?" The imp makes eye contact with Jude through the mirror. Jude nods. Tatterfell frowns. "You should've said so earlier then. You might be the High Queen but you have to learn to consider the work other have to do." The imp walks over to the door calling for somebody to prepare the bath for the Queen, quickly. Jude chuckles. The Fae had become closer to her than she had expected. She presumes maybe the imp also started to feel attached to her, being more talkative and all.

When Tatterfell comes back she helps the Queen out her golden dress. Feeling the roughness of the imps hand became a very familiar sensation for Jude. Almost as familiar as Cardan's.

Cardan... Has Cardan not noticed my withdrawing from the revel? It displeased her to think such thoughts. Why? Why has he not noticed? Has being married for so long caused him to tire of her? Had she kissed him too many times?

...Wow... The High Queen of Elfhame saw her naked form on the mirror. She shone like a star, literally. Her skin glowed and even now as she felt tired, her eyes gleamed. She felt beautiful, looked beautiful. "Your Majesty, the bath is ready." An attendant announced from behind the door. Tatterfell and Jude headed to the bath. When she sunk into the pleasantly temperate water she instantly felt her limbs relax. Being in the same position she once was as Madoc's mortal bastard, she felt nostalgic. "You smell different, child." Had Tatterfell not commented such, maybe now the Queen would be crying from sentimentality. "How so?" Jude asked the imp, holding her legs closer to her chest. She felt sudden shyness washing over her. Was she foul-smelling? She bathed pretty often though... "Oh, don't act like that." Tatterfell removed her hands from the Queen's hair. "You smell very much of life was what I supposed." The imp continued applying fragrant oils to her hair. Relief glided through Jude's body. ... Huh? "Life? What do you mean?" She turns back to face the imp. Confusion evident in her features. "I meant what I said. Think of it as you will." Subsequently, the Queen does just that. Pondering about what smelling of life implies for the last few minutes she spends in the bath.

[ Next -> ]

[raiolll]

I deserve

Jude found Cardan alone and hurt in the middle of the winter. Maybe she should forgot her problems with him and help the cruel prince that is crying in her shoulder.

Hiiii. Apparently it's not just me who wants a hurt jurdan fanfic while they were enemies so here i am putting out an idea based on a thousand other things i've read. Just remembering that english is not my first language so maybe there are some mistakes, sorry in advance.

TW: blood, hurt, probably depression and suicide attempt. (If I miss something pls tell me)

Cardan’s pov-

I’m on the floor shivering. Balekin was so angry that I really thought I’d die, unfortunately this didn’t happen. I probably should go to my room and take care of my wounds, but my feelings are hurting more than the burning cuts in my back. 

Even though the hatred for Balekin ran through my veins, the real anger I felt was for myself. I used to ignore the screams and curses, but now I don't listen just his voice. I hear the voice of my family, "friends" and mostly Jude. They say I'm a monster, the most cruel person and a useless. They're right.

I got up and walked to a side exit of the mansion. The snow wets my feet and the cold wind freezes my bare skin. Never mind, I need to end this. The way to the lake is difficult as my mind is not focused on the forest in front of me. The water full of chunks of ice is scary and for a moment I stop, but I keep walking straight until the freezing water covers my head.

Jude's pov-

Today was a terrible day. I had a fight with Nicasia and she messed up my notes, Madoc said I didn't do well in training and I couldn't be more irritated. I love my sisters, really, but when they start talking about shopping in the mortal world I instantly start hating them. 

“Jude could you get some hot tea??” This is my moment to leave this terrible conversation. “Certainly”. I get out of the room and go directly to the hall to grab my coat. It’s a matter of time until they notice that there won’t be any tea.

I know I need some fresh air, but is it a good option in this cold? Yes it’s. No one is going out in this weather which means no one is going to get in my way. I run throught the florest until it’s hard to breathe and climb a tree to pick blackberries. I decided my last stop is going to be the lake where Nicasia threw my book, maybe it will still be there. 

The dark water’s so fuking scary. I glance over for any paper scraps, but find something worse. I find a sunken body just beyond the shore of the lake. “Hey!” I scream but nothing happens. Shit, shit, shit I found a dead body. I could leave him here and come back home, but my badass syndrome is stronger. I step into the shallow end and the cold water seeps into my boot, finally reaching the corpse's arm even though it makes my shirt completely wet.

Fuck, it's Cardan.

I run my hand over his wet face trying to understand who killed the prince and threw him into the lake when I notice that the corpse is alive. Even if weak, the heartbeat is still there. Ignoring the freezing cold where I do the cardiac massage that Vivi taught me. After a minute the bluish lips open and spit out a large amount of water while gasping for air. “Cardan?” I'm terrified, I really didn't expect to see this asshole dying in front of me. 

Cardan’s pov-

The cold is inside my bones and everything is dark. Something hot presses my chest several times until I wake up. I try to breathe but it felt like I was still inside the lake covered in water. After a while I managed to breathe again, even though I'd rather not have to.I tried to focus my vision on the person in front of me ignoring the fact that everything was spinning and a little blurry.

“Cardan...” The voice came out as a whisper. My eyes met hers as she spoke something I couldn't understand.

I recognized it in the exact second I saw her, my enemy and one of the reasons that makes me hate myself more every day. Jude Duarte.

“What are you doing here?” I expected a scream but my voice came out too weak to intimidate, even though I knew she wouldn't be scared. 

I tried to get up on my arm, but apparently I was too weak for that. Balekin was right, I am weak. I remember that Jude was there when she put her hands on my chest and, strange though it may seem, gently pushed me. 

“You are crazy?? You are practically dying of hypothermia and you want to get up!“ Her gaze was almost desperate.

"What happened?" I said finally accepting the tiredness of my body.

“I ask you! I just pulled you out of a freezing lake and practically resuscitated you. What were you doing here you idiot?“ 

“Just go away” She might have been able to speak again if a gust of wind hadn't stopped her speech. I involuntarily cringed. Warm fabric covered me and I swear for a moment I agreed to relax, but then her agile hands touched one of the open wounds making me scream in pain.

“What happened?” I didn't answer and as she wasn't going to let it go she touch again this time softer. I tried to tell her to stop but it was too late. She ran towards my back and looked at what her cloak once covered.

“Oh shit. W-what happened? How did this?” The tears came involuntarily, she couldn't see that I was weak. Not her. Please. “Cardan I...”

“Go away! It’s your fault, your!” I screamed turning around with all the anger I had inside me, which I immediately regretted. She looked startled and took a step back. 

See her giving up her usual strong pose and becoming a scared and heartfelt girl, even though I knew she sure as hell didn't want that, was the last straw for me. She has always been the strongest person i know and for a long time i wanted to see her intimidated by me. But instead of feeling amazing I started crying until I couldn't stop anymore, because I knew that to make her look like this you sure have to be the worst monster ever.

“Look I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you can’t scream and blame someone that just saved your life! Asshole” I just cried. She took her cloak and for one moment I thought that she was leaving, instead she took out of her pocket a handkerchief and a bunch of little bottles. “There must be something useful here.... That's it!“ 

Jude soaked the cloth in a green liquid. “This should help to heal, in the worst case nothing happens and you only suffer from the burning sensation.” When she touched the scarf to the first cut I screamed and tried to get away. “Stay still, the more you leave, the longer it will take and hurt.” 

Time passed and even though every time Jude put that cloth on me I felt like I was going to catch fire, I managed to stop crying. In silence Jude left the cloth on the floor and sat in front of me.

For the first time since it all started I stopped to really look at the girl in front of me. Her skin was paler than usual, her lips discolored and trembling.

“You are shivering”. 

“Fine. What happened ?”

“It doesn't matter” I tried to return hers cloak and she refused. “Go away”

 “Again in case you still don't understand, I literally just saved your fucking life. I have the right to know.“

“I didn't ask for your help at any time and honestly I wish you hadn't found me here.“ Shit. I didn't want to cry in front of her again so I had to play dirty. “Go away before your mortal body rots in the cold“

“Oh” she didn't look as offended as i expected “You came here because you wanted to. You went into the water yourself“ Everything stopped for a moment and it was almost like I was about to collapse.

"I hope you die!!"

"Well this is not my problem!"

"Everything would be better than if you just die exactly like your stupid parents" For the first time in this conversation she looked really angry.

She got up and I feelt desparete. I went to far. I didn't want that and now she was going away. I don't want to stay alone, not now. I need to apologize.

 Apparently my face gave it all away because her features softened and I was taken by a hug before I could say a word. I was stuck for a few seconds as I wasn't expecting it, but I couldn't take it long. I hugged her like she was the only thing I care about, and after thinking about it I realized that it's not completely a lie.

“I'm a monster, there's no reason to go on“

“No, no. This is not true” 

Her affection was so gentle that I got carried away. I don't know how long I was crying on her shoulder, but when I managed to stop I realized she was officially shivering with cold.

“Thanks” I said a little embarrassed “But that never happened, it will be just between us“

“Fine” she got up and spoke more to her than to me " I still wanting to know what happened"

I got up and saw her leaving without even looking back, of course I didn't expect her to come running after me after I was such an asshole but I still had a sinking heart.

Jude’s pov-

That was the weirdest thing that ever happened to me. I just hugged Cardan. I tought that I'd only do that if I was dying or if I wanted to stab him. Not because I felt bad. He looked diferent there sitting in the snow and shivering. He looked so weak and small that I felt really bad. Usually I'd have attacked him back with all my rage, but apparently his attack was supposed to be a shield that didn't work.

I walked towards Madoc's mansion with my head full of questions.

"Where were you?" Taryn showed up in my room

"Long story..."

Notes: I just found this in my drafts and I remembered that I had promised a fanfic, I believe it's this one lol. I can't say that I liked it very much, but it's been so long that I don't even remember what I thought about this story. They'll have to accept it even after waiting so long. Bye <3

[francesderwent]

eowyn/faramir, arwen/aragorn, lexlana, blue/gansey

the RANGE of these, I love it

EOWYN AND FARAMIR

he took her in his arms and KISSED her under the SUNLIT SKY!! and he cared not that they stood high on the walls IN THE SIGHT OF MANY!!!

wholesome (affectionate)

"Such Great Heights" by Iron and Wine: "they will see us waving from such great heights / come down now, they'll say / but everything looks perfect from far away / come down now, but we'll stay"

this might only make sense to me but Marianne and Colonel Brandon? they both have a little bit of "Pair the Spares" about them, but in the brilliant way that the person who's really right for you shows up at just the right moment and can understand everything that you've been through, and it's a surprise but it's not at all a letdown

.....another arranged marriage AU

they weren't on the list, but that was an oversight! so I'm adding them to the Honorable Mentions

ARWEN AND ARAGORN

their backstory is my faaaaave. he grew up in her HOUSE, and then he came back all grown up??

referring only to what was written about them in the Lord of the Rings itself (and for that matter, only what I remember from my last reread)....they're gonna be my first "boring" couple 🙈🙈🙈 if this gets me tolkien-fan-cancelled it's only what I deserve (I'm also biased against them because I hate Liv Tyler in the films with the force of a thousand suns and some of that hate probably bled over)

"Mary's Song (Oh My My My)" by Taylor Swift, "they never believed we'd really fall in love"

trying to think of a couple where somebody gives up immortality for the other person and all I'm coming up with is Percy and Annabeth?? it'll have to do

the kings of Gondor never fell and Aragorn is a princeling raised in the white city and Arwen is part of a visiting diplomatic party from Rivendell

LEX AND LANA

this is. so hard. it's impossible to have one single defining moment when the relationship goes through a few radical metamorphoses!! BUT if I had to pick one I think I'm going with the second version of their scene in The Reckoning where Lex says "Clark may never actually trust you", and Lana says "I don't understand. Why would you lie to someone you love?" and Lex looks tortured and says meaningfully "I wouldn't." and then drunkenly kisses her. good times.

at their best they are fucked up (affectionate), but usually they are at least a little fucked up (derogatory)

I'm gonna go with "Graveyard" the stripped version, by Halsey, "I keep digging myself down deeper, I won't stop until I get where you are". and I'd have to be crazy not to mention the lyric "it's funny how the warning signs can feel like they're butterflies"

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Jude and Cardan. watching smallville makes me want to reread folk of the air all the time.

Lex is the terrible new bureaucrat hired to interfere with the running of the university Lana teaches at. she's pretty sure she's going to get laid off and replaced by an adjunct no matter what so she makes it her mission to tell him when he's being stupid. "So Chloe says you're not going to get fired anymore!" Clark says. "Chloe's an idiot," Lana says. "I'm not going to get fired because I'm young and underqualified and the bottom of the seniority chain, but I am going to get fired because one of these days that man is going to make a move on me and I'm going to punch him in the dick." Lex, walking by, says, "Who are you punching in the dick?" "Don't worry about it. Nobody essential to the running of the university," Lana answers. "What did I do?!?" Lex says.

they did not make the list, because I'm still in the middle of the show and I can't get a good big-picture look at them yet!

BLUE AND GANSEY

my favorite thing is (obviously) the time Gansey just straight up gives her a different name and initially she's like "you can't DO that" but then later she realizes she's so used to him calling her Jane that it's strange when he calls her by her actual name

I think probably once their series is over and they're living life, they're wholesome, but the love story in the books is fucked up (affectionate). he's her true love and she knew the whole time she was going to kill him, and she just...didn't mention it

I'm giving them "Labyrinth" by Taylor Swift, because they're definitely an "uh oh, I'm falling in love" couple.

their sister couple is El and Orion, because El's feelings about enclavers and Blue's feelings about raven boys align! and Orion is the MOST enclave-y enclaver and Gansey is President Cellphone. and also [spoilers redacted]

it is nearly unfathomable for me to take Stiefvater characters out of Stiefvater properies. they're all so formed by their circumstances. who would Blue be without her curse? who would Gansey be without his death? but I would like to see a Glendower is alive AU lol

they're in the Honorable Mentions!

[cottagewh0re-blogs]

BOOK REVIEW:

THIS SONG WAS ON REPEAT THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE REASING SESH.

Okay so after a week and staying up more late than necessary, i have finished the folk of the air trilogy by Holly Black.

POTENTIAL SPOILERS…

- STARTING WITH THE FIRST BOOK THE CRUEL PRINCE I GIVE IT A 5/5. The story and characters was enough to hook me in. I enjoyed the action, drama and although the romance was not massive i liked the subtle hints towards it.

- WITH THE SECOND BOOK I GIVE IT A 4/5. I enjoyed reading the process of not only acquiring power but retaining it. I believe this is the hardest part and it was shown throughout the story with betrayal and chaos. However, i did find Judes character less relatable or able to connect. This may be down to lack of character development but her thirst for power has clearly clouded her judgement leading to a lot of mistakes. I also wish she was grateful? It feels as if she’s constantly scraping for more which is of course a character flaw. This book definitely got me to appreciate Cardan more.

- THE THIRD BOOK QUEEN OF NOTHING I GIVE A 4.1/5. I think with the high demand and popularity the book was a little rushed? Scenes felt like they were going really fast (or maybe i was reading it so fast) . HOWEVER THIS WAS STILL VERY ENJOYABLE TO READ I ACTUALLY ENDED UP STAYING UP ALL NIGHT TO FINISH. I liked the action (although very packed) the ending it was very nice and cosy. It was an okay end to an amazing trilogy. I DO WISH A PART OF MADOC TRYING TO LIVE IN THE HUMAN WORLD WAS INCLUDED, i feel that would have been very entertaining. The book could have also made a few key moments MORE emotional? For example when cardan and jude saw each other after her exile OR WHEN SHE FINALLY CONFESSED HER LOVE??. I AM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THEM TWO ENDING TOGETHER AS IT FUELS THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS TROPE I LOVE SO MUCH.

Overall, being an YA book i was not expecting an intricate, quote analysing and spark notes session. It was an easy and interesting read that has an amazing story line, perfectly creating a magical feel. Looking at some reviews, i feel like some people took this book too deeply and forget that sometimes its nice to read a silly little fairy book that has no other meaning but to be enjoyed for its surface level.

The main rant:

This may be because i am a die hard enemies to lovers fan or the fact i wasn’t looking for a too complex story, but enough to grab my attention and do a bit of reality escaping. A book that perfectly captures drama, action and romance the typical YA mix. I really enjoyed the overall premises, i think Jude made an interesting character. Her difficulty in finding a place among the fey, to rising to power was a really fun journey to read. The idea of channeling hate into ambition for power was very cleverly done. “If I cannot be better than them, I will become so much worse” this follows the idea that if a child is outcasted from a village, they will be back to burn it. Although there is a lot of character development that is needed, for the first book AND YA that is an easy read, i love Judes character. I think a way we all want to be like jude, the mysterious and ‘badass’ heroin. Her character opens what happens when someone becomes so consumed in hate, the benefits and also the drawbacks. Although she has gained power, she has completely isolated herself as-well. In a way she licks her own wounds however, this story aims to show that a team (the shadow court) or a duo is much more better (her eventual rule with Cardan). Her continuous grasp for power is also overpowering her ability of common sense. In all honesty, out of the whole book i really love the court of shadows. Bomb, roach and ghost is by far an amazing trio. I loved the way they interacted together and with Jude. If a book was released on them three BEST BELIEVE ILL BE AT THE FRONT LINES. I FEEL THEY HAVE ALOT OF POTENTIAL TO BE AN INTERESTING SPIN OFF BUT I MAY BE ON MY OWN HERE. Now to the juicy part the romance with cardan and jude. AT FIRST THIS DID NOT FEEL VERY ROMANTIC I EVEN ASKED MYSELF WHY DO YOU EVEN LIKE HIM??? But in the last book when she talks about NOT HIS LOOKS BUT HIS CHARACTERISTICS THAT MADE HER FALL I WAS LIKE AHH i think Cardan is who she would like to be and Jude is who cardan would like to be. THUS, COMPLETING EACH OTHER PERFECTLY. THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS WAS AMAZING IT WAS DEFINITELY SLOW BUT IT WAS THERE AND HEAVILY HINTED. By far this quote “Have i told you how hideous you look tonight?” AND WE KNOW HE CANT LIE SO WHEN HE SAYS “I cant” this was making me scream (internally). Although id say, there romance could have been developed ALOT BETTER it was still enjoyable. I think the eventual acceptance of how you feel taking off your armour was a nice message. HONOURABLE MENTION TO LOCKE(lowkey reminded me of loki) IS “Because youre like a story that hasnt happened yet. Because i want to see what you will do. I want to be part of the unfolding tale” something about this flows so well and is so beautifully said? Im not sure but this really sticks out to me.

Unpopular opinion:

Although Madoc is portrayed as the villain. He only wanted to give his family power?? and although his method was HORRIBLE he in his mind had a good cause? Idk i just couldnt be angry at him regardless what he did BECAUSE IF WE LOOK AT THE STORY FROM HIS POV JUDE IS THE VILLAIN AND SHE POISONED HIM.