#and slow bake all that stuff before boiling it in water

[macaroni-rascal]

I’m making heaps and heaps of stock today, and I’m pumped. In the autumn/winter I love just drinking stock in the morning more than tea, it’s so comforting and nourishing. Highly recommend.

[persephonaae]

Made κολοκυθόπιτα (Greek pumpkin pies) the other day! I’ll also include a recipe below!

Ingredients

3-4 small food grade whole pumpkins 

2 cups sugar (preferably brown sugar)

4 tablespoons honey

½ teaspoon ground cloves

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

3 tablespoons olive oil

¾ cup rice

phyllo dough

half stick of butter

When you plan to make kolokithopita, you will want to transfer your frozen phyllo dough to the fridge to thaw for a couple hours before taking it out of the package and laying it on the counter with a paper towel lightly misted with water laid on top. The premade frozen stuff is completely fine, I do not in any way implore you to make your own phyllo as it is very time consuming and the premade stuff tastes just as good (but also not stopping you from doing so if you really wanted!).  In any case, once you have your phyllo at room temperature, take the rice and soak it in very hot water for 30 minutes. (I usually boil some water in the kettle for tea and then pouring it over the rice, covering it with something so less steam escapes) While waiting, this is a good time to grate the pumpkins to use in your filling (you will want to cut off the stem, peel/cut the skin off, and discard the seeds). You will want about 2-3 pounds of grated pumpkin, and maybe some help, unless you wanted to go for the record of world's fastest pumpkin grater while gaining arms of steel. (The texture of Greek pumpkin pie is different than other pumpkin pies since you have to grate the meat which is why you shouldn’t buy puréed pumpkin. The other thing to note is that you can actually do this with most any squash! Doesn’t have to be pumpkin; zucchini is also a common Greek base for kolokithopita, just to give you more ideas if you wanted to experiment.)

To prepare the filling, mix together the grated pumpkin, sugar, honey, ground clove, ground cinnamon, and olive oil. Drain the rice after it has soaked for 30 minutes, and mix it into this lovely slimy saccharine mixture of autumn-in-a-bowl, setting it aside once the ingredients are combined. 

Congratulations, it’s now time to work with the phyllo! Take half a stick of butter and melt it and have it ready on the side. Gently take two to three sheets of phyllo from the stack of dough and lay it on the counter or cutting board. (I usually use three sheets) You will then want to take a food brush and coat the entire side facing up with butter. Once it’s coated take a knife or pizza cutter and cut strips into the phyllo in thirds or fourths if you have the phyllo sheets in horizontal orientation, in half or thirds if you have it in vertical orientation. (The pictures show pies that we did cuts in fourths on the horizontal layout) Go back to your mixture of filling and scoop out a mound of filling that can fit into your cupped palm – it’s always better to be a bit generous with the filling. Gently squeeze out some of the excess liquid and place this filling at the bottom of one of the strips of phyllo and grab the bottom right corner and fold to the opposite side to make what looks like a triangle attached to the rest of the strip. Do this again but now with the corner of that triangle that’s on the left hand side, and bring it up to the opposite end. Keep repeating this fold until you have a triangle shaped pastry that completely encases your filling. This fold can be hard for some people to immediately understand and you might be really slow at it. Don’t worry if it’s a bit wonky, it will still taste fine in the end! Below I have a video that hopefully demonstrates that fold better. 

Keep repeating this with new sheets of phyllo (butter, cut, fill, fold… butter, cut, fill, fold…) until you’ve used all your filling or run out of dough. Each completed pie should be set onto a baking tray lined with parchment paper, set about half an inch apart. Before sticking it in the oven, brush the tops of all the pies with the rest of the melted butter, then bake at 375º for 45 minutes - 1 hour, until golden brown. My last caution is to not burn your mouth when inevitably digging in as soon as the timer goes off. Hope you enjoy, ευχαριστώ!

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam. I have a rump roast I want to use and it's apparently very popular for French Dips, Italian Beef sandwiches, and roast beef deli meat. You've made a version of Italian Beef before as and have posted pictures of it plus a general method of what you did. Do you have a specific recipe you use? (I mostly need it for measurements. I've made BBQ briskets and Mississippi Roast enough to wing it, but it's~ 4lb of beef and I don't want to mess it up.)

Thanks!

The recipes I've found online for italian beef are pretty vague, I'll be honest, so I've developed something closer to a widely-applicable technique, because really you're just doing a steam-braise that also creates a jus. So, my advice for cooking about four pounds of rump roast for sandwiches is as follows, a lot of it may be review for you :D

Trim the roast to a thickness that you'd be comfortable slicing, and a width and length that will fit in your slow cooker. I also trim off large chunks of fat. I usually do three pounds of beef, cut into 1lb segments that are roughly 1" thick, piled atop one another.

Use enough beef broth to cover the bottom of the slow cooker. I use 3 cups in an instant pot slow cooker, which is tall and narrow. You probably don't need more for 4lbs, just make sure it covers the bottom of the pot decently. If you don't have beef broth, chicken broth will work, or even water in a pinch; the beef will drain a lot of fat/flavor into it regardless. You can boil trimmings to get a decent broth, though that takes time. At this point I just have a "mother broth" of leftover jus that I use for the next batch, I just add some water or beef broth each time to make up 3 cups.

Put some kind of rack or platform on the bottom of the slow cooker. It doesn't have to raise the beef much, just keep it mostly out of the liquid.

Season the beef as you like (I use a steak seasoning blend). Place the liquid in the pot first, then layer the beef into the slow cooker on top of the rack or dish. It can touch the liquid, that's fine, just shouldn't fully immerse in it.

Slow cook on high for 3-4 hours or until the beef is fully cooked through. If you take the temperature it should be at least 145F, and should not be pink at all in the middle. Remove and let cool; refrigerate before slicing. And that's it really, no special trick.

For jus, boil the liquid left in the slow cooker for minimum five minutes at a full boil. After boiling, strain it, cool it, and store it. It should still be somewhat cloudy, that's flavor baby!

I slice the meat very thin and of course across the grain to keep it tender, but you can slice it any thickness you like. Once sliced, I store the meat packed in jars and covered in jus; it freezes well (just don't tighten the jar lid until it's frozen) and reheats best when heated in liquid (I microwave, but it heats as well, just slower, in a pan on the stove top). Then just pull the beef out of the liquid, toss it on a crusty roll, and dip the roll in the liquid for extra flavor if desired. Or eat it cold, it's good that way too.

For the best possible italian beef, I've found that it's ideal to take the roll, stuff it with warm-to-hot beef, dip it thoroughly in the jus (doesn't have to be hot), wrap it in lightly greased foil, and bake in a toaster oven at 450 for about 5 minutes. I've been experimenting with mine and have enjoyed adding a variety of cheeses before baking, and I've also found a sliced hard-boiled egg a nice addition.

[sergeantsporks]

Dadrius Week 2022 Chapter 4: Free Space

“How do you know how to do that?”

Darius paused, halfway through shaking spice into a bowl of griffin eggs. Hunter was perched on a bar stool at the counter, watching him. “Do what?”

“Just… dump stuff in a bowl and make a meal. I mean, you don’t have a recipe out. And even if you had it memorized, you’re not measuring.”

Darius rolled the spice jar in his hand. “Cooking isn’t an exact science. That’s what baking is for. Cooking, once you get a few basics down, is something you can change. Play around with. It’s as versatile as abomination magic.”

Hunter made an ‘ick’ face. “You don’t, uhhhhh… put abomination in there, do you?”

“No, I don’t put abomination matter in there. It’s a metaphor. Look, come here.”

Hunter slid off of the barstool and stood at his side, peering at the bowl.

“Right now, I’m making scrambled griffin eggs. One egg for every two people. There’s a splash of milk in there—I don’t know the exact amount, I just know that when I whisk it together, it should turn this shade of yellow, approximately. If it’s a little darker or a little lighter, it doesn’t matter, it’ll still turn out well. Salt and pepper are a must, just a dash, I already added it in. After that, I can do whatever I want with it. Some things will taste better than others in there, but experimentation is part of it.” He tossed Hunter the spice jar in his hand, and the teen caught it with a slight fumbling.

“Charlic Powder?”

“Gives it a bit of a kick. Don’t let the name fool you, it doesn’t make it horribly spicy, just adds some flavor. It goes well in almost anything. Again, just a dash.” Darius turned the stove on medium heat and poured just a little grease in it, swirling it around in the pan. “Grease keeps the eggs from sticking to the pan,” he explained, “Most things you cook on the stove require medium heat, unless you’re trying to boil something. If I really wanted to get fancy, I’d sauté some vegetables first to mix in with the eggs, or fold cheese in later in the cooking.” Darius poured the eggs into the pan, pushing at them with a wooden spoon. “For now, I’ll just wait for the eggs to start cooking, then break them apart as they do so that they scramble.” He offered the spoon to Hunter. “You want to give it a go? I’m going to go get ready for the morning.”

Hunter took the spoon like it was a poisonous snake, poking at the eggs.

I’m sure it’s fine.

Darius traipsed up the stairs, changing out of his pajamas, washing his face, moisturizing, and bewitching his hair to its usual bun-like appearance. He sniffed the air.

Is something…

Oh, no.

He poked his head in the kitchen. Hunter was still at the stove, a pan of eggs on medium heat. They were still liquid. Darius glanced at the sweat beading Hunter’s forehead, then at the pillar of smoke coming from the sink. Then back to Hunter.

“You burned them, di—”

“I burned them,” Hunter confirmed, “I’m sorry, Darius, I thought if I turned up the heat, they’d cook faster, but I just messed them up, I’m making new ones, I swear I put all the right stuff in there, and I’ll wash the other pan and get all of the charred bits off—”

“Hunter, slow down. Hey. That’s pretty much the most basic, regular mistake you can make in cooking. Things have an assigned heat for a reason, turning up the heat usually results in burning, or cooking the outside but not the inside.” Darius grabbed a towel, wrapping it around the handle of the smoking pan and filling the pan with water and a dash of soap. “Dish cleaning 101? We’re going to let this soak before you try to clean it, alright? It’ll make getting the burned parts off easier.”

“Sorry,” Hunter mumbled again.

“At least you didn’t set off the fire alarm, right.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Not really. Mildly irritated at most. Hey, you started a new batch of eggs, on your own, good for you. Looks like you were paying attention to most of what I said.”

Hunter flushed. “Sorry.”

“Quit saying that. Once was enough to get the point.”

Hunter flinched. “S—I mean, okay. Okay. I’ll stop.”

Darius sighed. Always harder than it needed to be with him, wasn’t it? He’d known it would be getting into this, though. “I’m not angry,” he repeated.

“I know.”

One eyebrow quirked up. “Do you?”

Hunter shrugged, silently tending the eggs. Darius was pleased to note the way he broke them apart with quick, purposeful movements, pushing them around so that they couldn’t congeal into a whole again. “You’re good at that.”

“Sure, says the burnt pan in the sink.”

“Mistakes are how we learn, Little Prince. And from now on, I think you’ll follow the specified heats of recipes?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“So it was a mistake worth making. I think we’ll both survive the extra five minutes added to our breakfast wait time.” Darius leaned against the counter at a disgruntled howl from Eber. “Don’t listen to him, he’s exaggerating.”

A smile flickered across Hunter’s face. “Are you sure? Sounds like he’s dying.”

“He can go outside and catch his own breakfast if he is,” Darius replied serenely, “You keep up what you’re doing.”

“Not burning another pan just to try and feed Eber faster.”

“Exactly.”

[spooniechef]

Roast Chicken (1 spoon)

That thing I reblogged the other day about how a roast is basically perfect spoonie food is entirely right. It’s fairly simple - just involves a bit of seasoning and sticking something in the oven for awhile while you do something else. It makes a lot of food all at once, so you don’t have to cook again for awhile. Best of all, the leftovers can be used in all sorts of ways, not just as A Roast Dinner. Sandwich fillings is one of the most common ones, but the meat from a roast can also go into risotto, student alfredo (or whatever Hoover stew equivalent we’re going with), fried rice, paella, basically nearly anything you like. Plus, while the initial outlay is a bit of sticker shock, given how much you can get out of a roast means you’re probably spending less money for more food, especially since you can get away with using cheaper cuts of meat if you’re slow-roasting.

The first thing I learned to roast myself was whole chicken. As with everything else, there are as many ways to roast a chicken as there are people, so I’ll provide the basics for how I do it, and a lot of notes.

Here’s what you’ll need:

1 whole chicken

1 tbsp vegetable oil (or garlic puree)

1 tbsp salt (other spices optional)

Fruit / vegetables / herbs for stuffing (see notes)

While stuffing’s generally seen as a side dish, that can be baked in the oven separately, rather than necessarily in the bird. The main point of stuffing is to keep the meat moist and juicy, so whatever you’re putting into the cavity should have a fairly high water content. Onion and garlic are my go-to items, along with a few sprigs of fresh sage and thyme and rosemary from my balcony garden, but you can also add celery or carrots or whatever other vegetable you like. Or fruit, even - it’ll give the chicken some interesting flavour, depending on what you’re going for. I normally go with citrus - lemon or orange - but apple also works very well. So it all depends on what kind of flavour you’d like your chicken to pick up. My favourite is still one small onion (quartered), 3 cloves garlic, one small orange (quartered) and the sage / thyme / rosemary above.

Incidentally, the salt’s important because it and the oil will help get the skin nice and crispy. I use the garlic puree because it’s oil-base and gives the skin some extra flavour, though I also generally add a bit of pepper, some paprika, a little bit of celery salt ... whatever spices I’m feeling at the time.

Here’s what you do:

Pre-heat oven to 390 F (200 C; fan assist 180 C, gas mark 6)

Rub your chicken lightly with the oil or garlic puree and add spice to taste; let stand for at least 20 minutes. While you wait, stuff your chicken with the vegetables, fruits, and / or herbs.

Cook chicken for 20 minutes per pound, plus an extra 10-20 minutes; until the juices run clear (meat thermometer placed into the thickest part of the thigh should read about 82 C / 180 F)

For crispier skin, turn up the heat to 425 F (220 C, fan assist 200 C, gas mark 7) for the last 15 minutes or so.

Let rest 20 minutes or so before carving

Again, there’s very little about this recipe that needs changing to make it easier. My only recommendation is lining the bottom of your roasting tin with tin foil because it’s easier to throw away a piece of tin foil than it is to scrub out a roasting tin. I’m pretty sure that doing that wouldn’t interfere if you’re using the juices for gravy, but since that’s a little too much faffing and stirring for me, I couldn’t tell you. I just use the gluten-free granules from the supermarket if I want gravy.

So there you have it - meals for almost a week out of a couple of hours’ mostly non-effort. When I do chicken, I tend to have the leg quarters as meals, save the wings for snacks, carve the breasts for use in risotto or fried rice or sandwiches, and then boil the remains for stock, particularly now that I’m making risotto and soup more often. So you can get an awful lot of value out of a good-sized chicken, especially if you have a big enough pot to boil up a good amount of stock. It’s also fun to experiment with what you use to stuff the cavity and spice the skin, so there’s endless variety to be had.

[oenothera5]

I posted 4,745 times in 2022

That's 914 more posts than 2021!

17 posts created (0%)

4,728 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gellalaer

@jhopegrandma

@bunjywunjy

@kippurbird

@riverwindphotography

I tagged 385 of my posts in 2022

#house of worth - 30 posts

#i will always reblog this - 25 posts

#be excellent to each other - 13 posts

#ayup - 10 posts

#so true - 7 posts

#muse likes - 6 posts

#oh yeah - 6 posts

#love the hair - 5 posts

#sigh - 5 posts

#they have a point - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 89 characters

#much of my music tastes come from a much older boy i had a crush on in junior high school

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

🍃🌺🌙If you receive this you make somebody happy. Go and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get it back even better🌙🌺🍃

Thank you! Can't wait to see you in less than a month! <3

2 notes - Posted August 8, 2022

#4

💕✨create the illusion of hanging out with your mutuals tag game✨💕

I was tagged by @perhaps-mr-collins-has-a-cousin Hello there! Stay healthy, friend!

are you a morning person?

No. Not in the slightest. Please do not chat/call/text me before I have drunk my coffee and it is past 9:00 AM.

ideal breakfast?

A soft boiled egg with a piece of toast.

favorite warm drink, and how do you take it? 

A latte with nonfat milk

sit in the sunshine or the shade? 

It depends on the time of year- if it is winter or spring, then sunshine. If it is summer, then definitely the shade.

favorite baked good? 

The oatmeal butterscotch cookies that a friend of my mom’s made when I was growing up

a song or album that makes you feel at peace? 

Rain by BTS . I like jazz, and it really does feel like looking through the window outside at a rainy day.

a chore that if someone completed it for you you’d love them forever?

Folding and putting away the laundry. Luckily, Mr. Poppy does it, mostly, because if it weren’t for him, it would just stay in the laundry basket in a heap.

favorite board/card game to play with friends?

Anything in the Rook/Euchre/Hearts/Spades family. I grew up playing Euchre as a regional thing, but Mr. Poppy’s family plays rook because they are from a different region.

what kind of snacks/candy do you want at a movie theater?

I normally like popcorn with lots of butter and a soda, but a giant roll of sweet tarts or sprees is good too.

bar with live music or bar with a pool table? 

This is tough. I really like live music, but some of my happiest times were hanging out with friends around the pool table when I was younger. I am terrible at pool, but it was about being with friends.

go-to wine/cider/beer/cocktail? 

If I am having cocktails I’ll usually order an amaretto sour.

go-to bar food? 

Nachos with lots of stuff on them.

are you tending the fire, looking at the stars, or singing campfire/folk songs?

Looking at the stars. I love watching for meteors, and looking at constellations and (if I’m far enough out of town) the Milky Way. But I will cheerfully do the other two as well! I’ve been to Wood Badge and OLS so I’m pretty good at building fires.

a favorite Scripture verse or prayer?

The prayer by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, S.J., that starts: Above all, trust in the slow work of God. [I am a very impatient person]

See the full post

3 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

#3

Personal Tag Game

I was tagged by @raksh-writes . Hi there!

Last song: “Late Night Talking” by Harry Styles. I really like it- it is such an ear worm. Very excited to see him this fall!

Last TV show: Obi-Wan Kenobi. The cinematography is amazing. Meh on the storyline though. When I die I want Pablo Hidalgo to be a pall bearer so that the Story Group can let me down one last time. Will continue watching just for the visual spectacle!

Currently watching: Also watching Bride of Habaek/Bride of the Water God. The premise started off really well but then never panned out. Instead of the search for the missing stones (which sounded cool) it’s just the two leads moping for each other and the female lead bordering on rude to her employee. Maybe other people would enjoy this plot more, but it is not what I came for. I am only watching to the end because I hate DNFs. [I also have second hero syndrome because the first lead is kinda bland. This is one of Nam Joo-Hyuk’s earliest roles so maybe he was just learning to act or the writers gave him boring material to work with]

Currently reading: Momo/The Life Before Us by Emile Ajar/Romain Gary. It’s okay. It’s better than some things I’ve read so far this year, but not the greatest. It’s in the category of boyhood/apprenticeship novels. I hope it gets better? I’m only 1/3 of the way through, and I’m supposed to have it done by the end of today. 😳

Tagging (but only if you want to play, as usual!)

@myevilmouse @sunshinerainbowsbts @hannahbee12719 @seokjinger-ale @reliablemittenmain @heilith and @jhopegrandma

6 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

#2

It’s time for my annual social media hiatus. I’ll be back April 17th. See you then!

[the queue will run for a little bit more, but if you need me, you can always find me on Discord!]

Photo information: “Mule and Rider Exiting Tunnel and Crossing Kaibab Suspension Bridge“ Black and white, silver gelatin print with some silvering. Circa 1930.

Henry G. Peabody Photographs (circa 1930). CP PEA. Greater Arizona Collection. ASU Library, Arizona State University, Tempe, AZ. http://azarchivesonline.org/xtf/view?docId=ead/asu/cp_pea.xml

9 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Why is my Tumblr feed suddenly showing me blogs I’m not subscribed to?

Please @staff make this stop. I only want to see what I want to see, which is posts from people I’ve followed.

12 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[promiseiwillwrite]

Cooking with Cans

This post is for @anendoandfriendo

Because I was going to comment and things, or maybe DM or something, But I didn't want to be Annoying.

So, Based on what you told me about your can situation, you have several options.

Canned Vegetables can usually be used as both a side and as an ingredient, depending on how you cook the contents.

For instance, the Green Beans can be used on their own:

Into your smallest saucepan, pour the entire contents of one can of greenbeans, liquid and all. Add pepper, if you have it.

Simmer Uncovered approximately 25 minutes or until all liquid evaporates, stirring occasionally. At the end, when there is Very little liquid left, you will have to stir gently and constantly to avoid burning. If you have them, tossing in some finely chopped onions or mushrooms can be very tasty.

Or, you can use the Green Beans, drained of all liquid, as an additional ingredient in your Tuna Helper. You just wait until your Tuna Helper is Ready, and stir in the Green Beans. The heat from the Tuna Helper will warm the beans. They are already fully cooked.

Canned Sweet Potatoes are dessert foods to me.

You can pour these out of the can into a bowl, chop them roughly in half, (they will be very soft) lay them in a baking tray, heat your oven to 350 degrees, put a little brown sugar or butter on the top flat surface of the potatoes, and bake for 15-20 minutes. It is that easy.

Chicken and Tuna can both be made into your Tuna Helper. You don't HAVE to use what it says on the box.

They can also both be made into tuna or chicken salad if you have mayonnaise and relish, which are pretty common condiments to have in the fridge. If you want to get Really Fancy with your Tuna Salad, you boil an egg, chop it up and drop it in with some hot sauce.

Delicious.

That Canned Corn you have can be mixed with your peppers/sauce as a side, or with a little salt and butter by itself. If you want something Very Complicated, I know it can be used in cornbread, but I've never made that.

Corn pairs well with lots of other things, and you may not have these things now, but if you decide you want to try something in particular, you can plan to grab stuff the next time you are at the store. Especially if you can toss in some canned/fresh tomatoes, and with chopped onions / black beans, you can make a really nice corn and bean side with good color and a lot of nutrition.

If you want to do Slow Cooker recipes, Frozen Veggies hold up better than canned, But Canned veggies still do pretty well as a Soup made from a Slow Cooked Piece of Meat, I like a beef or pork roast, 1 to 2 pounds, but that can be a little expensive, so I always look in the discount bin before I buy.

In my experience, I usually sear my roast, and season it on the outside (this is just frying the outside in butter to make it have a brown crust, and maybe putting some salt and pepper. Rosemary if I have it and I am feeling Fancy.) and add my liquid of choice, (half broth/half beer) and a bunch of Onions, and cook it until it falls apart. (at least 3 hours in slow cooker) In the last hour of cooking, if you add some mushrooms, they will be amazing.

Then I take the meat and chop it up, and make a meal with that as the entree, and make a separate side with it, and use the liquid in the SAME Slow Cooker to make soup for later. (or save liquid for later if I don't want to make soup that day)

I usually have some of the roast left over, and I use it for the Soup, and add a can of Corn, A can of Green beans, and my meat to the liquid, and raise the level to cover everything by adding broth or water. I like a Lot of ingredients in my soup, but that might not be your play. I don't know how long you want to be cooking. But it may be good to add things like canned tomatoes, or maybe dump in a bag of frozen soup veggies (maybe look for a bag with carrots/potatoes/celery/onion) you grabbed at the store. You bring it up to temperature, and it is Done.

This is Mad Science. You taste as you go.

But there is nothing in your cabinet that can't be used.

If you want to learn to cook, the internet is full of wonderful shows.

Almost everything can be substituted, or done more simply.

Not everything has to be fancy.

Accept that you will fuck up sometimes, no matter how good you get.

And be Bold. Be creative. Do Science.

And let me know if you want other ideas. This is just what I thought of off the top of my head. I am sure I can find more.

[cdroloisms]

uhhhh ,, , hi ??

i feel bad bc i havent been here in. LITERALLY forever lmao - hope you guys r all doing good!! ive been working on some stuff but it’s been pretty slow going, and school is also A Thing, so i definitely havent been writing as much as i’d like. 

as an apology, have this? really self-indulgent feel-good syndicate + c!dream centric oneshot bc i felt like writing this so u know. why not. 

tws: implied torture, abuse, self-harm, disordered eating, starvation mentions, prison arc themes - overall everything’s just blink-and-you’ll-miss-it mentions, not too much angst here for once! c!sam and c!quackity critical, sorry guys but we r still in the prison arc and they still r on their “fuck human rights” arcs. 

Dream leaves.

 It’s a surprise - or maybe it isn’t one, Niki isn’t quite sure. She’d never grown to quite trust the man, she knows, and she can’t really tell if the bitter twist of emotion that swells up her chest when Phil comes to her city with the news is betrayal or resignation - what can she say. She’s gotten more than her fair share of broken promises. They don’t exactly faze her anymore. 

 None of them seem all that surprised, save Techno, who entirely fails to hide the worry that flickers over his face when he calls the Syndicate meeting to officially inform them of what’s going on. She shares quick, careful glances with the other members when his back is turned - despite how many times he’s been burned, Techno still seems so adamant at holding onto every thread, trusting all too easily those who would use and leave him behind without a second glance. He can handle himself, she knows. Still, that’s not going to stop her from slapping Dream upside the head for being yet another worthless person to betray her friend’s forgiving nature. 

 Nothing much changes in the next few weeks. Niki has to admit, it’s strange without Dream around - he’d not been an ally, much less a friend before dipping completely, but he had been some sort of constant - and Niki is self aware enough to know that she misses him, a little, the same sort of way you might miss an old routine once it’s gone, if only for the familiarity. She still visits Techno and Phil with various baked goods, knowing that Phil would have his hands full just keeping Techno from running himself ragged - makes sure to check on Ranboo, whose nerves have inevitably returned with Dream’s disappearance. To be honest, she doesn’t worry as much as he does - ally or not, she’s spent enough time with the Dream that had left prison to expect that he won’t exactly be able to get himself very far should he come for the four of them, and doesn’t particularly care about he might pull with the rest of the server - if things get bad, she’s sure Phil and Techno will have it handled. She asks Phil, once, what happened, and he shrugs. 

 “I don’t know, mate,” he heaves a chest to the side, pulling out a stack of stone blocks that Niki gladly holds for him. “One day we woke up and he was just- gone. Everything. Was like he wasn’t ever there at all.” 

 Niki hums. “Why’d you think he’d do something like that?” 

 “If I could understand half of why Dream does what he does, we wouldn’t be having this conversation now, would we?” He smiles at her from behind a crate. “Shall we bring these things upstairs and start on dinner?” 

 Niki laughs, knowing that the conversation about Dream is over. “Of course, Phil.” 

Dinner is a welcome distraction; all of them have gotten better at cooking in recent months, between her baking and the veritable library of recipes Phil knows that she’s never even heard of, but Phil is still the only one she really trusts to hold his own behind the stove - Ranboo is still a little too nervous around water, and fire, and much of everything, and though Techno can be a perfectly capable cook, he’s been distracted as of late. She has a strong feeling that left to his own devices, he’d just grab a stack of steak and disappear for another few weeks, searching the server for information. 

 Honestly, she’s a little thrown off by his behavior - he’d not done anything like this with Tommy, if she remembers right, and had hardly seemed affected by Wilbur’s betrayal on the Sixteenth at all (then again, she was a little too lost in her own head to notice if he was.) She tosses her head over to ask Phil, who’s leaning over a few carrots he’s slicing to throw into the stew he’s making, and the man pauses, frowns. 

 “From what I know,” he starts, words slow, careful, “they’d spent three months in there together, and the conditions weren’t exactly- stellar. According to what Techno said, I’d assumed they had come to some sort of understanding.” He goes back to the carrots, expression dipping into shadow and out of sight. “Guess I was wrong.” 

 Niki hums. She can see it, sort of - spending months together with someone, no matter how insufferable, probably would end with some degree of attachment - she thinks back to plotting through sleepless nights with Jack, anger and grief leaving them simmering, crabs in the same pot of boiling water, remembers looking into his dead-eyed gaze and seeing her own stare back - and feels a brief pang of guilt. Besides, Techno is Techno. She’d never met someone so willing to forgive, understand, reach out despite everything that’s happened - for Dream to take advantage of that feels almost too obvious. Of course he would - what were they all thinking?

 “He’s Dream,” she says as if that explains everything, flipping open the oven door and feeling a wave of heat blast her face. Phil hums lowly, understanding. “I hope Techno will be alright.” 

 “He’s tough,” Phil cracks a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “And he has us on his side. He’ll get through.” 

 Niki opens her mouth to reply, only to be interrupted by the front door slamming open. Outside their quaint little cottage, the wind howls - it sounds like the beginning of a blizzard out there, flurries painting the world in a thick blanket of white. In the door, Techno strides into the entrance with loud, decisive movements, shutting the door loud enough to make the walls shake. Inadvertently, Niki finds her eyes drawn to the small pile of snow that he’s tracked into the house - Techno’s usually so careful to kick it all off on the porch, never liked it much when there was a pile of melting ice and snow dampening the floorboards and soaking into his shoes. He huffs harshly, stripping off a snow-dusted scarf from his face - a long, multicolored abomination that had been the product of her attempting to teach Ranboo how to knit. Phil has reached his side, hands splayed over his upper arms, eyes soft in the corners from concern. 

 “Techno, mate-” his tone is chiding but his movements gentle as he brushes snow off of Techno’s signature cloak, “you’ve gotten snow everywhere. What were you doing, dueling a blizzard?” 

 Techno shakes his head, not meeting Phil’s banter as usual, fur sticking up from the snow melted into it. His voice is gruff and holds little humor - unconsciously, Niki feels her shoulders tense. 

 “Phil, call a Syndicate meeting.”

 ---

 Phil, per usual, is unrelenting, so it’s not until a quick dinner and some hurried messages to their final member later that the Syndicate is gathered in their meeting room, Techno pacing the length of the room as they wait in their respective seats. He looks less frazzled than he did when he first entered the house, in part due to Phil’s sitting him down to eat and picking through his fur to smooth it out of its windblown spikes and tangles - Techno had grumbled at him to stop preening him, but looked a lot more relaxed by the time they were all finished with their food. Still, his ear flicks periodically, twitching toward ssome sound that Niki can’t hear, movements tighter and jerkier than she is used to. He’d always been a little flightier after the prison, but not quite like this - everything here feels like that but dialed up to eleven. Inexplicably, it reminds her of Dream. 

 “Techno?” Phil gestures towards his seat, prompting, and he settles into it with an obliging huff. 

 “Y’know, Phil, the code names are kinda pointless if we never use ‘em,” he says, words carrying no real heat - he looks back at the rest of them, lips thinning into a line. “Anyway. I called this meeting because I found a couple leads on Dream.” 

 “O-oh,” Ranboo stutters, tail lashing behind him. 

 “You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to, mate,” Phil reminds him gently, a sentiment that Niki affirms with a determined nod. 

 “There’ve been some reports- rumors, really,” Techno says, calling their attention again, and they all turn towards him, “of increased activity around the prison again. The Warden spending more time on its grounds, movement seen around the walls and around the portal- so I decided to go check it out for myself.” 

 Niki frowns, and watches as Phil does the same beside her - Techno had seemed to avoid the prison if he could help it, save for when he went on the initial mission to break Dream out. It was no secret to them that he didn’t exactly like the place. 

 “We could’ve helped if you asked,” Phil reminds him, and Techno shakes his head. 

 “I know, Phil. It’s just- that place is bad news. I’d rather keep you guys away from there if I can-” his hand goes to his head with a poorly hidden wince. “Sorry, Chat’s a little- worked up, at the minute.” 

 “Sorry, we’ll stop interrupting you,” Niki says, cutting off Phil before he says anything else. “So you went to the prison?” 

 Techno takes a second to gather his thoughts, mumbling quietly in the way that usually means he’s telling off Chat. “Right- I decided to stake out the portal. The rumors were right- Sam has been hanging around there, entered and left the prison four times yesterday. And today-” he hesitates, expression visibly darkening. “This morning, about an hour after the Warden arrived, Quackity came to the prison and went through the portal. He left the grounds about six hours later.” 

 “Quackity?” Niki frowns, eyes flicking over to how Phil has stilled in his seat. “What is Quackity doing at the prison?” 

 Phil ignores her question, reaching towards Techno, something indiscernible in his gaze. “Mate…”

 “He smelled of blood when he left,” Techno says, words sharp, and Niki feels her heart skip a beat. “Warden left about half an hour after, and I came back here.” 

 Ranboo clears his throat, sounding tentative. “Okay,” he drums his hand on the table when they turn towards him, eyebrows drawn, “but what, exactly, does this have to do with, uh, Dream?” 

 Techno and Phil trade glances, one of their bouts of unspoken conversation that Niki’s grown extremely used to. They seem strangely hesitant, she notes internally, Phil looking towards Techno with a question written clearly in the planes of his face. Techno sighs, a long puff of air through his lips as he closes his eyes and turns his face towards the table. 

 “You know how Dream was- injured,” he starts slowly, looking back up at them. Niki shifts uncomfortably - of course she noticed, it was impossible not to - if not the bandages that peeked under his sleeves and the cuffs of his pants, then how skinny he’d been, all skin and bones curled up uncomfortably in a pile at the corner of Techno’s couch. She’d not know the extent, by any means, and had always assumed that they’d been self-inflicted - she’d been in a bad enough place on her own before to know how your head can make you want to hurt, sometimes, how eating food can feel like choking on sawdust and the world could feel so much smaller when focused into delicate pricks of pain. Phil’s eyes are trained on Techno - on his face, then on the pinkish raised skin of a still-healing scar along his forearm, and she feels understanding settle like a rock in her gut. 

 “The Warden had apparently been lettin’ Quackity into the cell to torture Dream for the revive book,” Techno trails off, eyes narrowed and seemingly fixed on a random point of the opposite wall. “By the time I go there, it’d been goin’ on for months.”

 “But wait,” Ranboo’s tail moves even more erratically behind him, “You mean you think he’s back- there? How?” 

 “He has to be back in the prison,” Techno points out. “I can’t imagine anyone besides him that the two of them are goin’ to just start torturin’- Sam had been iffy about the whole thing when Quackity started in on me. It has to be Dream in there again.” 

 “But how did he get in there, then?” Ranboo asks, visibly confused. “Last time it took the entire server to lock him up!”

 “There were no signs of a struggle,” Niki points out, matter of fact. “I believe you, Techno, but I don’t really know how they managed to drag him back so easily. I can’t imagine he was jumping at the chance to go back in there.” 

 Techno shakes his head with an uneasy sigh. 

 “I have a feelin’ of what might’ve happened,” he says quietly. “And I really hope that I’m wrong and he’s less of an idiot than I think he is.” 

 ---

 They set out to investigate - and maybe attack - the next day, Techno and Phil taking on the bulk of preparations as Ranboo stays behind. He’d been understandably uneasy about the whole mission, so they’d left him back by the Syndicate room to set off their pearls in case anything went wrong. (“By the end of the day,” Techno had said, giving Phil a look with the corner of his lip quirked upwards, “don’t be like Phil here and think I meant the end of the month, alright?”) They’d all be supplied with armor and weapons, thanks to Phil, but she’d been handed the bulk of their potions, arranged neatly in her inventory by type in case they’d be needed. She lingers in the back of the room as Phil and Techno chat amiably over the sound of making last minute repairs on their armor, listens to Techno’s ceaseless reminders for Phil to be careful, watches as they make sure that their stasis chambers are properly prepared should they need them.

 (She watches as Phil nudges Techno’s shoulder when he lingers behind a certain chair, empty as long as she’s been part of the Syndicate, the fountain behind it bubbling quietly without a pearl inside. Techno sighs, expression strange. 

 “Should’ve set him up with one,” he says, quiet, and Phil pats him on the back. 

 “You couldn’t have known, mate. We wanted to wait a little before telling him about the Syndicate, remember?” 

 Techno hums, noncommittal. “Still.”)

 They Nether travel to the site of Techno’s lookout, which ends up being a little shambling thing with dirt walls dug into a small hill looking towards the prison portal, having hardly enough space to fit the three of them. Phil looks at it with no small amount of apprehension, and Techno shrugs lightly, wearing an expression that makes Phil turn to him with a look that makes Niki break into giggles. Techno crosses his arms- “in my defense-” and Phil looks up at the dirt ceiling with a long-suffering sigh. 

 “You couldn’t have made this a little roomier, mate?” Phil asks, voice dry as kindling, and Techno raises his hands by his head. 

 “Hey hey, it’s discreet, it gets the job done, it’s perfectly structurally sound-” the sound of the leftmost wall crumbling, along with the cloud of dust that puffs from it and fills their tiny space, undermines the tail end of his statement and leaves him sputtering, Niki falling into another fit of quiet giggles. Underneath it all, Phil sighs again, raising his wings behind him. 

 “...these are going to take so long to clean out.” 

 To his credit, Techno looks sheepish. “Sorry, Phil.”

 They sober up quickly; Techno turns around to the opposite side of the hill, where he’s hidden some peepholes inside the dirt - Niki settles herself by one, leaning forwards to put her eye to it and catch a glimpse of the prison looming over the water. It’s been repaired since the breakout, she notes, the gaping hole in the roof completely gone and replaced with obsidian, as intimidating and undamaged as it had been before, if not more so. Phil makes a considering sound from behind her.

 “Same plan as last time?” He asks, and Techno shakes his head. 

 “They’ve probably reinforced it, and Dream’s blueprints won’t include anything new the Warden’s added. I wouldn’t be surprised if they moved Dream to a different location completely. We don’t want to draw too much attention, either, we were cutting it pretty close during the breakout.” He narrows his eyes. “I was thinking we’d try something a little stealthier, this time. “ 

 He gestures at Niki, who blinks back at him with wide eyes. 

 “You got a couple of invis potions for us?”

 She distributes the potions among them all, one regular and two splash potions of invisibility each, and Techno points towards the prison once she’s done. 

 “The most important thing is to get through the portal,” he says with a grim expression. “Worst comes to worst, once we’re inside we can always blast our way through - but gettin’ through that portal is our first priority.” 

 Phil narrows his eyes at him. “The portal is locked, though. We’ll need to follow someone else inside- and I’m pretty sure Sam uses pearls, so he’s out.” 

 Techno nods. “Which is why I’m bankin’ on the prison gettin’ another visitor today. We’ll just have to wait.” 

 Niki swallows. “Do you mean-”

 “Quackity?” Techno turns away, not quite meeting her eyes. “I’m not totally sure, but he’s not exactly the type to just give up on his goals. He’s pretty predictable- an empire needs an emperor, always needs something new to rule- you know the type,” he says, tipping his head towards Phil. “He’ll be mad at Dream for disappearin’ on him and won’t miss the opportunity to prove he has the upper hand again. I’m not sure that he’s going to come today-”

 “-but you wouldn’t really be surprised, either,” Phil finishes for him, eyes steely with cold determination. “I trust your judgement, mate. Just stay safe- from what I’ve heard, Quackity has been...erratic.” 

 “When is he not,” Techno huffs a short laugh, shaking his head. “I’ll be fine, Phil. Just be careful, both of you. Don’t get too close. And if things get messy- which is what we’re tryin’ to avoid, by the way- then don’t do anything too risky. Our priority is gettin’ in and out alive.” 

 “We can handle ourselves, Techno,” Niki reminds him with a small smile. “And Ranboo is there in case anything goes wrong.” 

 “Alright, then. Here’s the plan.” 

 ---

 It takes quite a long time for Quackity to arrive, long minutes that Niki spends fidgeting in the corner of the room, brushing her hands over seams of the netherite plates that Phil had shoved into her hands, back at the Syndicate room. The set is inexplicably light - not weightless, by any means, as it is still netherite, but not nearly as bulky as any set of netherite armor she’s owned or seen in the past. The runes are precise, lines thin and exact, written with graceful strokes of lapis. 

 “Phil’s the best metalworker I’ve ever met,” Techno tells her with a small grin, catching her in the middle of tracing what she can make out as an Unbreaking rune along the metal strapped to her forearm. “But then again, he’s had the time to practice.” 

 “Are you calling me old again?” Phil huffs, and Techno flashes a smile her direction before looking at Phil with a slight grin. 

 “Well, Chat is,” he says, lips twitching when Phil glares back. 

 “You can’t just blame Chat every time you insult me, you little shit,” Phil groans, and Techno only grins wider. 

 “Phil, my ad revenue,” he complains, a dramatic lilt to his voice that has Niki stifling a snort, and Phil’s glare only grows deadlier. 

 “You’ll have more than your ad revenue to worry about if you keep this up,” he mumbles, going back to keep watch at one of the peepholes and stilling as he does. “Shit- Techno, Quackity’s here.” 

 Techno straightens up, hindered slightly by the low ceiling of their room. “Alright- we all know the plan, right?” 

 Niki nods in the affirmative, pulling out a splash invis and letting it settle in her hand, the glass cool beneath her fingertips. She reaches into her inventory and lets her armor fade into it, takes a deep breath and watches as the two across from her do the same. She doesn’t wear armor often, but so close to the prison, feeling mining fatigue settling deep into her bones - she’s never missed the security it offers more. Techno keeps watch, waiting- drops his arm in a signal. Now. 

 Niki throws the potion at their feet, flinching back at the sound of shattering glass and feeling its effects seep into her skin. When she opens her eyes, she can’t see anything but the inside of the room that they’d holed themselves in and the faintest of wisps rising from where their feet must be, curling around the grass. 

 (Please let this work, she begs to no one in particular as they walk towards the prison. And if you can hear me- please keep us all safe.)

 She hardly breathes as they follow Quackity across the path, holding someone’s hand in her own - Phil’s, by the feel of it - careful to muffle her footsteps in the grass and stand still whenever Quackity’s eyes come a little too close. Thankfully for them, he seems focused, hardly stopping or looking around at all as he walks towards the prison’s portal, movements stiff as he walks forward. He punches the button on the wall particularly harshly, and Sam’s voice comes crackling through a speaker a second later. 

 “I’m here for my visit,” Quackity says, punctuating the sentence with a snort of laughter that doesn’t sound particularly sincere. Niki hasn’t seen him in a long while, not after everything that happened in Pogtopia, and she feels a chill worm down her spine - this man looks nothing like the one that had laughed and danced and sung at her birthday party what feels like an eternity ago. What happened? 

 Sam sighs, the sound turning into a sharp burst of static through the speakers. “Hello Quackity,” he says, voice deep and tired. “Please step into the portal after I tell you to and then wait on the other side.” 

 “I know the drill, Sam,” Quackity rolls his eyes. “Just because the bastard was gone for a few weeks doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how this damn place works.” 

 “Just going through protocol, Quackity,” Sam replies, and something about this response has Quackity exploding into a brief fit of laughter, the sound grating against Niki’s ears. She feels her grip tighten on Phil’s hand, air caught in her throat. 

 “Protocol- ha. Whatever you wanna tell yourself, pal.” Quackity smiles, cold and cruel, and Niki tries not to think about how she’d seen that same grin on Wilbur, eyes sparkling from the light of the lanterns hung from the bridges and walls of their ravine, remember how she’d looked into them and realized her old friend wasn’t there, anymore. Quackity disappears into the portal, and after a second, the hand around her own pulls her inside of it too.

 On the other side, Quackity taps his foot impatiently, crossing his arms and waiting- Sam’s voice comes through the speakers again, words clipped. 

 “Go through the portal,” he says, and Quackity does- once again, they wait for a second for his body to disappear, then go within it themselves, pressed close enough together within its frame for Niki to feel the warmth of a wing wrap around her shoulders for a quick second before they’re out of the hot, stifling air of the Nether and into a large, neatly made lobby of blackstone and quartz. They duck into a corner, watching as Quackity moves towards the front counter, the Warden waiting there with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks- tired. His movements are slow, footsteps loud against the floor, shoulders tense and back hunched. He walks around the counter, sword strapped to his belt, and Niki feels her breath hitch at the sight of dried blood still stuck to the blade in patches and splatters.

 “He ready?” Quackity asks, holding his hands out - Niki catches a flash of metal as Sam drops something into them, watches as Quackity raises what ends up being a pair of shears, dangerous-looking and gleaming with enchants, to the light. 

 “Yes,” Sam says, side-eyeing Quackity with a small glare. “You know, it’s supposed to be your job to clean those things off when you’re done with them.”

 “I told you, busy day back in Las Nevadas yesterday,” Quackity waves a hand- “I’ll do it, alright? Don’t get all pissy now. What happened to being partners?” 

 “You said we’d be done with this months ago, Quackity,” Sam sighs, and Niki feels a light tug on her arm as Quackity and Sam begin to walk towards the wall to the right of them, breathes in slow and deep as she follows Techno and Phil towards the others. The wall yawns open with the hiss of redstone firing and pistons pulling blocks upwards, opening into a dark hallway that feels like entering the maw of some sort of giant, insatiable beast. They step inside as one, and the door shuts behind them. 

 “We’ll be done soon enough,” Quackity says, and Niki feels hairs rising on the back of her neck. “Trust me.” 

 They stalk forwards through a labyrinth of blackstone, Niki brushing the palms of her hand against her clothes when it goes clammy from adrenaline. Halfway through, she pauses to tip back a second potion of invisibility, careful to keep her movements slow and steady as not to make a sound - the liquid is silvery, cool and light on her tongue, and she lets the effects wash over her with her breath caught in her lungs before moving forward. The tunnels are simpler than she’d expected, bearing little obstacles or checkpoints - Quackity makes a wry comment a second after (“Guard tunnels today, huh? Appreciate the hustle, pal-”) that confirms her suspicions. Despite the potion particles still whirling around their bodies and the sounds of their footsteps, too loud in her own ears, they manage to make it forwards without much trouble, entering a large room with a doorway filled completely with a curtain of lava. 

 “Set your spawn,” Sam says, still stoic, and Quackity rolls his eyes again before doing as told. Niki keeps looking back at the lava flowing past the wall, its heat filling the room and making her already slick palms even worse, and Sam moves to the side to flick a lever, eyes trained on the lava slowly bubbling in front of him. 

 “Give me your tools?” Quackity asks, and Sam sighs before doing so - Niki watches as he hands over a netherite axe, then potions, then a few raw potatoes that Quackity accepts and puts into his inventory. Sam raises an eyebrow once he’s done, hand tight around the handle of his trident. 

 “You bring your own sword, today?” He asks, seeming irritated, and Quackity shrugs. 

 “Sorry pal, I need to make a new one. Guess I’m borrowing yours again.” 

 Sam sighs again, louder, and hands over his sword as well, watching as Quackity swings it a few times experimentally. The blade skims a little too close to her on one swing and she can’t quite help the squeak that escapes her lips as she throws herself out of the way, feels her heart hammer in her ears as she backs up against the wall. Please don’t hear that please don’t hear that please don’t hear that please don’t hear that-

 “Quackity, wait.” Sam raises a hand, ear twitching as he looks over in her direction with narrowed eyes. “I think I heard something.”

 Oh fuck.

 “Well, guess show’s up then,” Techno drawls, and both of them whirl towards his voice, giving Niki enough time to pull her armor back on, scrambling to get her sword and shield in her hands as Phil does the same besides her. Pieces of armor appear where Techno is standing, then a bucket of milk- oh, why must her friends be so dramatic- and Techno’s standing there, smiling sharply, with Orphan Obliterator held loosely at his side. “Let’s get this done, then.” 

 As one, Techno and Phil blur into action - Techno moves forward to catch the prongs of Sam’s trident on his blade as Phil parries Quackity’s blows with his own sword- they move fluidly, easily covering each other’s backs as the room devolves into chaos. Niki remembers their guidance as she flits in and out of the fight, scoring quick hits to keep the Warden and Quackity off balance while remaining out of range from their weapons, and it’s not long before both of them have fallen with a spray of items and experience orbs scattered all over the floor. 

 Techno moves over to block off the exposed face of the bed with a block, looking over at the two of them with an uncharacteristically severe expression. “They’ll be back soon- we have to move fast. Niki, you have those fire res, right?” 

 She nods as she reaches into her inventory, finding the potion’s orange-pink glow and smashing it at their feet. They dive into the lava together, Niki scrambling to keep up, her arms struggling to move through the thick lava, loses sight of both until she flails into something directly in front of her and hands are pulling her up out of the lava. 

 “There you go, mate,” Phil smiles down at her as hauls herself to her feet, making a face at the feeling of the lava clinging to her clothes. “Yeah, swimming through lava isn’t exactly fun. You good?” She flashes him a thumbs up, and he laughs- “Niki, you’re still invisible.” She flushes pink- right.

 A few sips of milk later, she gives him a proper thumbs up, and he laughs, loud and bright. She looks past him to where Techno’s crouched over something- someone, she realizes with a start, in the corner. Dream’s back in prison clothes, ragged and ill-fitting, and he’s curled up with his back towards the front of the cell, shaking enough to be obvious even from where she’s standing. Techno speaks lowly, voice barely more than a deep rumble in the air, almost inaudible.

 “You there, Dream?” 

 She watches as Dream turns his head, looking up with wide, bleary eyes. His hair flops in front of his face, and something within her itches to brush it out of the way. “T-Techno?”

 “Yeah nerd, who else?” Techno smiles, and Dream seems to blink awake, drawing himself up with a shuddery breath. 

 “Techno- it’s a trap- what are you doing here?” he hisses, and Techno gives him a look, deadpan.

 “Yeah, yeah, it’s a trap- come on, Dream, we’ve been over this by now, bro. You have to know that their traps aren’t goin’ to do anything to me by now,” Techno rolls his eyes, reaching forward to steady his hands on Dream’s shoulders when the other man sputters and struggles to breathe. “Easy, now. Geez, you wanted to prove me wrong about being homeless bad enough that you came back here? We could’ve just made you a house, you know. You didn’t have to go this far.” 

 “I- they were gonna kill you,” Dream breathes, face twisted up uncomfortably, and his eyes flick past Techno’s face to where Phil and Niki are standing at the opposite wall of the cell. “All of you- they said-”

 “And that’s what I thought you’d say,” Techno groans. “Come on, you idiot, I thought you were smarter than this-” 

 “They were right there, Techno!” Dream fires back, eyes alight. “You- they were right there, what were you thinking, they could’ve-!”

 “And my best friend is a necromancer, remember?” Techno shakes his head. “Come on, Dream- Sam and Quackity? You know we can handle them in a fight, especially when you can just revive us if anything goes wrong. You don’t have to do this whole self-sacrifice thing, bro- there’s only so many times I can break into the same prison, y’know.” 

 “You’re so stupid,” Dream huffs, but he leans in anyway, head just barely settling against Techno’s shoulder. “I- I can’t believe. You’re so dumb.” 

 “Hey, don’t be sayin’ that to the guy that’s breakin’ you out of prison,” Techno laughs, slinging Dream over his shoulder with an easy motion and laughing harder when it makes him yelp. “That’s just bein’ ungrateful. You’re making Chat sad, man, and when they’re sad they don’t subscribe-” 

 “I regret this entirely,” Dream says, voice muffled against Techno’s shirt, tone completely flat. “Put me down- you idiot- I’m staying here. You’re worse than Quackity.” 

 “Rude. Now you’ve really made Chat mad. I demand an apology-” 

 “Boys, boys.” Niki can’t help giggling, watching the way their gazes snap towards her, rolling her eyes as she moves forward with a few potions held loosely in her hand. “Dream, do you want a health pot?” 

 Dream seems to deliberate for a second, before nodding at her, expression slightly strained. “...sure.” 

 “You two can finish your argument after we’ve broken out of the biggest maximum security prison on the server,” Phil drawls from behind her, arms crossed at his chest. “Come on, now, before Sam gets back.” 

 “Isn’t this the only maximum security prison on the server?” Techno asks aloud, an amused expression on his face - one that only gets worse when Phil glares at him with one ice-blue eye. 

 “Shut-” he sighs, shaking his head. “You two are chaotic little shits, you know that?”

 “Don’t compare me to him, Phil,” Techno complains, Dream mirroring his words with muffled protests of his own, and Phil breathes another drawn-out, long-suffering sigh as he rubs at the bridge of his nose. 

 “Niki, give us some fire res please?” 

 She finds the potion bottle between giggles, throwing it to the ground as she tries to choke down the laughter rapidly bubbling up her throat. “Of course, Phil.” 

 She looks back at Techno and Dream before jumping into the lava, the two of them once again lost in some sort of argument, Dream draped over Techno’s shoulder. He’s breathing easier now, she notes, and Techno looks looser too - a little less tense, leaning back with a perpetual quirk to the corner of his lip as they fire insults back and forth. This is familiar, she recognizes with a soft twist in her chest, the same way that Phil and Techno can finish each other’s sentences and look at each other with laughing eyes sharing the same memories of the past, the same way Ranboo watches Techno’s every step as he adjusts his stance and lifts his sword and Techno laughs and calls him a main character in turn, the same way she and Phil will settle together on the porch over cups of tea and sit at each other’s sides for hours. The rhythm between them is one well-established, the road well-worn - she imagines them, huddled in this dingy cell for months together, and breathes in slow and deep. 

 “Come on,” she smiles, making sure to keep it on her face when Dream meets her eyes with wide, startled ones of his own. Dream still isn’t an ally, and isn’t a friend. 

 But - she watches as he smiles back, something inexplicably warm in her chest - maybe, one day, he could be.

[hollandsmushroom]

Cum and Cookie Dough

Synopsis: Late night sloppy and sweet encounters. 

Masterlist

Send Me A Request

Word Count: 2,841

(Not my Gif)

Your phone brought you out of your sleep, its constant buzz for the past few minutes on your night stand, reaching out. The first thing you saw was the time, in big white text it said '3 A.M.' Below that was the contact photo of your boyfriend. You swiped across, answering the call and bringing it up to your ear.

"Why are you calling at 3 a.m?" You groaned, scrubbing a fist into your eye to try and remove the sleepy fog.

"Can I come over?" Cals shockingly perky voice responded.

"I mean, I guess, I'm fucking tired though, and I look terrible, why do you wanna come over?"

"I just wanna see my baby, is that illegal? And I'm sure you look stunning" You mumbled a no in response to the first question, although it was rhetorical, a blush spreading on your cheeks at the compliment. You listened to the silence before You heard a door click closed in the background of the call, alerting you to the fact that he was already getting in his car. "Can we bake cookies?"

"Sure, I'll get the stuff ready" you mumbled, pulling back the covers and shaking your head, trying to wake yourself up. "I'll see you when you get here, love you, bubba" you hummed

"I love you too, Bubbaloo" he responded in a sing-song voice before hanging up.

Your bare feet slid against the cool hard wood, sending a shiver up your body causing goosebumps to spread on your skin, you suddenly missed the comfort of your bed but you were excited to see your boy in a couple minutes.

Stepping into your kitchen you opened the cabinets, grabbing the ingredients for gooey chocolate chip cookies and setting them out on the counter and setting the oven to preheat. You put the kettle on to boil, digging through your cabinets to find your most caffeinated tea, knowing how Cal was and that you were not going to sleep for a long time. As you waited for the water to boil you started to doze off where you stood.

The click off of the kettle brings you back to the world, tearing the tea sachet open and putting it in the cup, pouring the boiling water over it tugging on the tab, watching as the water changed to a darker color as it sloshed softly at the side of the mug.

The sound of knuckles on wood made its way to your ears, shaking your head to perk yourself up again as you reached to the door handle, flipping the lock and opening the door, on the other side stood your boyfriend, loose sweatpants hanging low on his hips and a plain black tee shirt gracing his toned torso. You were wearing one of his shirts that you had stolen months ago and a small pair of sleep shorts, nothing underneath either piece. His soft chocolate eyes drank in your appearance before stepping over the threshold and engulfing you in his muscular arms. His lips met yours messily, sleep evident in both your beings. He pulled back, breath fanning across your face, brushing the hair out of your eyes.

"I've never seen anything more beautiful," he mumbled making you smile and giggle softly holding him close. The oven beeps from the kitchen alerting you to the fact it was now preheated.

"Ooh, the oven is ready!" He spoke excitedly, pulling your hand and guiding you to the kitchen.

"Here is the recipe," you giggled at his childlike demeanor, handing him the cookbook that you had set out earlier. The two of you began to bake, you chose to measure the ingredients because you didn’t trust him to do it right and him sifting them altogether in the bowl. When it came time to mix the wet ingredients in with the dry you put your hands in the bowl as Cal chose to stand behind you, hands slipping under your shirt and cupping your breasts as you worked. You moaned softly at his cold rings on your hot flesh, but the moan got louder as he tweaked your nipples between his fingers, lips going to your neck and sucking gently at the skin, you knew that he was going to leave marks but you were enjoying it too much to tell him to stop. You felt his teeth scrape over the marks he had just made as you started to form the dough into balls and place them on the baking sheet. 

“Cal” you groaned as his hand slid down your body and into the front of your short, dipping the calloused tips of his fingers into your rapidly dampening heat, he began to rub slow circles on your clit, your knees buckled under you as you gripped the counter, but Cal took your hand, sucking your fingers clean of all the cookie dough, his mouth was warm and wet, his teeth gently bumping into your knuckles, a slight pain rapidly soothed but the gentle suck of his mouth. You imagined it must be how his cock feels in your mouth. He took your fingers from your mouth, his lips returning to your neck, biting your earlobe. 

“You gonna cum? You gonna cum on nothing as my fingers grind your clit, let it drip down your leg?” 

“Fuck, Cal!” you screamed, as he ground his bulge into your ass, sucking harshly on your sweet spot and moving faster against your clit, your orgasm rapidly building. “Cal, more” you needed just a little more to send you over the edge and he immediately obliged, his free hand sneaking back underneath your shirt and tuggin on your nippled, rolling it between his fingertips and that was it for you, you came with a scream, your fingers gripping on to the counter as your legs shook, Cals hand between your thighs held you up as your legs couldn’t. Your abs clenched, body lurching slightly forward as his rough fingers kept you at a high for longer than you thought you could. 

“Cal, fuck, Cal” you spat out as you finally came down from your high, your breath coming in pants. Cal took his fingers from your pussy, they glistened with arousal in the low kitchen light, catching your eye, you watched his movements intensely.  He reached for the cookie dough bowl, scooping the final bit of leftover dough onto his two fingers and splitting them apart, cum and cookie dough on each finger. He brought one finger to his own mouth, sucking it clean and releasing a satisfied noise before offering you his other finger which you gladly accepted. It tasted of chocolate and sugar but there was the slight tang of your cum mixed in with the uncooked ingredients. 

You turned around in Cal’s arms, looking him in the eye as you felt his dick press against you, you felt the need to have him, nearly insatiable, the way his pubes tickled the tip of your nose and how soft he felt in your mouth. You held up a finger, signalling him to give you a moment as you slipped from his grasp. Grabbing the baking sheets and placing them in the intensely hot oven before turning back to your wonderfully horny boyfriend who had jumped up and was now sitting on the counter, legs spread and bulge evident as his eyes devoured every inch of you, the rapidly darkening marks on your neck that he had given you, the glisten on your thighs from where you had began to drip, god it all made him want you more. You positioned yourself between his thighs, nails scraping along his sweatpants covered thighs as you got nearer his cock. You looked up at him from between his thighs, eyeing his lip caught between his teeth, holding in moans that built in his throat. You stood up, his face covered with confusion as you tugged his lip from between his teeth. 

“I wanna hear you moan, baby” you whisper, your eyes boring into his, leaning in to kiss him gently, eyelids fluttering closed as your lips meet. “Never hold back again, okay?” you hum as you fell back down so you were mouth level with his cock. You felt the heat radiating off of the warm ove, the cookies baking inside releasing a delicious smell but all you could think about was Cals cock in your mouth. You ran your hand over his bulge, a small whimper coming from the back of his throat at the tender touch. You bit him gently through the cloth, eliciting a moan from him, encouraging you to do more. You reached for his waistband hooking your fingers and pulling down, letting his cock spring free in front of you. Reaching for his hard on, you traced a gentle line up one side, following the pattern of his veins before getting to the tip, you felt as he squirmed under your touch. Without warning you took him into your mouth, tongue swirling around the tip before you went deeper, his tip touched the back of your throat causing you to gag, the sudden contraction of your throat around him made his hips buck upwards, cock going even further down your throat. Your fingernails dug into his hip bone as you saturated to bob your head up and down, his dick hitting the back of your throat with every downward movement. 

“Fuck, Y/n you feel so good, so fucking good,” he moaned, his head falling back and hitting the cabinet, but he didn’t care, his fingers going through your hair. You felt him twitch against your tongue, alerting you to the fact that he was close to cumming. You pulled back, wiping the built up spit from around your lips and look at Calum through your eyelashes. 

“I want you to cum in my pussy” you groaned.

“I want that as well” Calum hummed and just as he was slipping off the counter and grabbing your waist you jumped back. 

“FUCK” you screamed making Cal freakout

“What? Are you okay? What happ-”

“The cookies!” you yell grabbing the oven mits and opening the oven, a cloud of smoke exiting the oven and tainting your vision. You reached in once you could see well enough and pulled the tray of charred treats out. 

“Did you set it on fire?” Cal asked, trying to look over your shoulder. 

“No, they aren’t on fire, they are just burnt to all hell,” you mumble, greatly disappointed at your failed baking endeavor, “Also it wouldn’t have just been me who set them on fire, this” you gestured between the both of you and then to the cookies “was a team effort.” Calum laughed as you set the cookies down, turning the oven off. His hands found your waist, squeezing your hips and pulling upwards signaling for you to jump, which you did. 

“I can think of another team effort I want to do with you” he spoke, leaning into your lips.

“That wasn’t as hot as you thought it was but I love you anyway” you giggle, crashing your lips to his swollen pink ones. His hands on your ass, squeezing the supple flesh and holding you tight to his chest, he walked you both to your bedroom, never leaving from the fight between lips, teeth, and wandering hands. 

The both of you fell onto the bed, Calum hovering over you as his lips stayed on yours, fingers slipping underneath the fabric of your shirt and pulling it up to just above your breast, as soon as the mounds of flesh were uncovered he ducked his head down and took a nipple into his mouth while you finished removing your shirt, as well as awkwardly wiggling out of your shorts, while treasuring the feeling of his lips sucking your pebbled nipples. He pulled back, taking in your naked state, his cock somehow getting even harder as he took in your swollen lips, dazed eyes, and hickey covered neck. He quickly removed his pants, leaving him in just his shirt and you couldn’t help but think of Winnie to Pooh, you giggled as his eyes looked at you to as if he was asking what was funny but instead of answering you stuck your foot out, bunching the fabric between your toes and pulling upwards, effectively removing his shirt from his body. 

“I didn’t know you could do that” he mumbled as he leaned down reattaching your lips with his. 

“I am full of surprises” you mumbled against his full lips. You felt his cock press between your lips, the head teasing your entrance and a moan escaped your lips. His hips eased slowly till you were hip bone to hip bone, every inch of his cock sheathed inside of you, you could practically feel his cock pulsing against your walls as you clenched around him. 

“Fuck, baby, so warm and wet,” he groaned against the shell of you ear as he drew his hips back before pushing forward and into you again. It almost felt like it was too much, how his skin felt slick with sweat as his body gilded against yours, how hot his breath felt, how your walls stretched around him as he pulled in and out of you. You felt like you were on fire, every nerve in your body aware of his gentle touch as he continued to thrust, a familiar heat developing in the bottom of your belly, right where it met his, where your gentle flesh touched. Your toes curled as you dragged your nails down Calum’s back. 

His hands explored your body, running up and down, feeling every curve and bump of your soft body beneath him, there was exhaustion on your tongue and the faintest taste of cookie dough. He felt your nipples rub against his chest, their hardness tugging against his taught flesh as he felt muscles in his lower belly clench. 

“Baby, I’m close” he hummed, continuing to thrust in and out of you, his rate picking up ever so slightly as he felt your pussy clench around him more rapidly. 

“Cum with me, Cal,” you cried as you arched your back into his chest, your fingers tugging at the hair at the nape of Cal’s neck. You felt Cal cum within you, it felt warm and in an odd way comforting, you felt closer than you had ever been. After you had both rode out your highs Cal rolled off of you, both of you in silence as you caught your breath.

As you both lay exhausted in your bed, the smell of burnt cookies still wafting throughout your house but it mostly reeked of sex now. Reaching out you intertwined your hand with Calum’s, turning your head to look at him and finding him already looking at you. 

“Hold my hand and don’t let go” he said in nearly a whisper, squeezing your fingers between his.

“I'm going to have to go to the bathroom at some point, Cal” you giggled, his face mocking extreme hurt. 

“Why can’t you promise me forever?” he cried dramatically, pulling you into his chest and laying on leg over both of yours so you were fully engulfed in his embrace. You laughed at his dramatic antics, enjoying simply existing with him. His fingers traced up and down your back gently soothing you into a nearly asleep state. 

“Baby,” Cal whispered into your hair and you hummed in response. “We have to get ready for bed” he reminded you, pulling you up into a sitting position. You nodded your head slightly before standing up, reaching out for Cal and he grabbed your hand standing with you. You stood in front of the mirror when the dark marks on your neck caught your eye.

“CAL!!” you shouted as you spun to look at him, your hand on your neck touching the tender flesh with the tips of your fingers. 

“Yes babe?” he asked sheepishly, as though he didn’t know what you were talking about.

“How am I supposed to cover these up? There are so many of them and they are so dark!” You exclaimed, slightly exasperated but also very entertained. 

“I'm sure you will figure out a way” he spoke, wrapping his arms around you, continuing to look at your reflection in the mirror. 

“So when can I see you again?” he grinned at you through the mirror, you turned around to meet his gaze, raising your hand and covering his eyes with your palm.

“Right now.” you giggled as you pulled your hand away causing him to laugh at your childish antics. You finished brushing your teeth in silence, Calum using the toothbrush that he kept at yours, the occasional glance to one another making you both smile widely. Once you were both ready, you wandered back to your bed, the sun peeking from beneath the curtains as you finally settled down, falling asleep in each others arms right as the world began to wake up.

Hope yall enjoyed!

@major5sosstan​

[yourfoodiedesires]

The 36 Most Clever Cooking Tips // Buzzfeed Article

1. Use Jell-O vanilla pudding mix in place of half of the sugar when baking cookies. It keeps them super soft for days and gives them a cake-like interior.

2. Put some mustard in mac 'n' cheese (even the boxed stuff). The flavor isn't noticeable, but it adds delicious depth of flavor. You can use Dijon, whole grain mustard, or even mustard powder. It all results in delicious mac 'n' cheese.

3. Cook just about any frozen food in the air fryer to crispy, take-out quality perfection. (I'm looking at you: Trader Joe's mandarin orange chicken). Oh, and it's great for crisping up any leftovers, too.    

4. Microwave lemons to get more juice out of them. After a quick 20 seconds, they're so much easier to squeeze and yield so much more juice.     

5. Instead of sautéing mushrooms in olive oil or butter, start cooking them in a dry pan for a few minutes. This gets much of the moisture out so they brown better. 

6. Give a stale loaf of bread a new life by running it under water, then baking it in a warm, 300°F oven for about 10 minutes. The oven steams the stale, soggy bread and makes it as good as new.      

7.  When it comes to baking anything with a flaky dough (biscuits, cookies, pie dough, etc...) freeze and grate the butter, freeze the flour, and even freeze the mixing bowl for the best results. All of these steps keep the dough colder and makes for better baking results.      

8. Pre-make roux in big batches, then freeze it in silicon ice molds. Use the individual portions of roux whenever you're making something like gravy, mac 'n' cheese, or béchamel sauce. It's a total time saver.      

9. Bake with browned butter instead of regular butter. Brown butter has a richer and nuttier flavor that will enhance whatever you're baking (cue: the world's best chocolate chip cookies).     

10. Add a little bit of mayonnaise to beaten eggs before scrambling them or making an omelette, quiche, or frittata. It makes them super light and fluffy.      

11. Use the spice packet that comes with instant ramen as a popcorn seasoning. Mix the powder with some melted butter or margarine and then toss with the popcorn. It's even better than the movie theater stuff.      

12. Make a life-changing topping for vegetables by browning butter in a skillet, then adding breadcrumbs and nutmeg. Then add it on top of anything like roasted cauliflower, sweet potatoes, or Brussels sprouts.     

13. Put a bit of mayonnaise in your cake batter. Once you realize that mayo is mostly eggs and oil, it's not so hard to understand why it tastes so good.      

14. When making grilled cheese, schmear a little bit of salad dressing on the outside of the bread. Most people do this with mayonnaise, but salad dressing (like store bought Italian dressing) is even better. Just a light spread is all you need.      

15. Line the lid of your slow cooker with paper towel to soak up extra condensation and prevent your food from getting watery. This is especially useful if you're making dishes with a crispy top like lasagna or mac 'n' cheese with a bread crumb topping.      

16.  If you're making soup, stew, or even a sauce that looks too thin, add a bit of instant mashed potatoes as a thickener.  It's an easy fix when you realize too late that you've added too much liquid.     

17. When breading something like a chicken cutlet, forget about the egg and coat it in mayonnaise before the breadcrumbs.      

18. You can boil eggs in the air fryer with no water necessary. Set your handy appliance to 270°F and place the eggs inside the basket. Cook 10 minutes for soft boiled or 15 minutes for hard boiled.      

19. Starchy foods like rice, pasta, potatoes, and quinoa taste better when cooked in stock, rather than plain water.

20. Make an amazing pie crust using Girl Scout cookies like Trefoils or even Thin Mints. Just crush up the cookies and add melted butter to hold it all together.     

21. For the creamiest mashed potatoes, forget about cream and butter and just crack an egg into them when they're just about ready. The heat of the mashed potatoes will cook it and make it safe to eat.

22. Instead of salting your pasta water, add a chicken stock cube. It doubles the flavor of the pasta and the sauce. It's the easiest way to upgrade pasta night with a single ingredient.      

23. Add fish sauce to Caesar dressing. The flavor is a bit more muted than that of anchovies, but it still gives the dressing that much-needed salty punch. It makes for the best Caesar salad ever.      

24. Adding an extra egg yolk to any cookie recipe will result in softer, fluffier cookies that taste freshly baked even after a few days in the fridge.     

25. Make homemade whipped cream with just heavy whipping cream and a mason jar. Pour in the cream, fasten the lid, and shake, shake, shake for about 20 seconds. You'll have delicious, fluffy whipped cream in no time.      

26. When in doubt (or when your spices are looking scarce) rub any meat in Sazón or taco seasoning. The mixture of spices is amazing and it makes anything from chicken or flank steak to pork so flavorful.      

27. Add a dash of vanilla extract and cinnamon to pancake or waffle batter. It gives the final product a touch of sweetness and richer flavor.      

28. When baking something like carrot cake or zucchini bread, swap out half the oil with unsweetened apple sauce. It keeps the bread super moist and doesn't change the flavor.     

29. Mix soy sauce and butter to instantly boost the flavor of just about any savory dish like fried rice, mushrooms, or salmon.      

30. Put a splash of orange juice in the batter for baked goods like pumpkin bread, banana bread, or cranberry muffins. Even store-bought juice is perfect. The acidity adds brightness to complement the spices.      

31. For the crispiest fried or roasted potatoes, dip them in ice water first. When you're cutting potatoes, toss them into a bowl of ice water. Give them a swirl to wash off excess starch, then drain and pat them dry. Even soaking them for a few minutes is enough to get them really crispy.  

32. Add a few drops of lemon or lime juice to a cutting board before you dice onions. It doesn't impact the flavor whatsoever, but the acid from the lemon neutralizes the fumes from the onion so you won't cry.

33. Stir some cream cheese into your mac 'n' cheese to keep it creamy even after you've refrigerated the leftovers. It prevents the pasta from absorbing all the liquid so the cheese sauce stays creamy and thick for days. Oh, and for an additional flavor boost, try scallion cream cheese.      

34. Turn frozen bananas into one-ingredient ice cream without any fancy equipment. Freeze bananas until they're solid then pop them into the blender until smooth and custardy. You can add in extra ingredients like cinnamon, chocolate chips, or peanut butter, then immediately freeze it for later.      

35. Add a small amount of water to the pan when frying bacon. The water significantly reduces the amount of fat splattering, and it actually results in really crispy bacon.

36. And finally, if you’re making a dish that relies heavily on spices for seasoning, toast the spices before adding them to your recipe. You only need to cook them on a pan for about 30 seconds until they are fragrant, but it vastly improves their taste and amplifies the flavor.     

♥ Follow For Recipes, DIYs, Ect. ♥

[alyss01]

|[Cooking adventures]|

[Corpse Husband x GN! reader]

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Genre: Fluff (kinda)

Word count: 2K

Requested: no

To request: Corpse requests, Dream SMP and Comfy cartel are all OPEN

Synopsis: Corpse cooking dinner with his s/o, just a cute stuff. 

Warnings: none

A/n: I made dinner with my brother a few days back and then I kind of questioned what it would be like to do that with a s/o and then this idea plagued my mind for a few days until I managed to make time to write it all down.  It also may include some wrong words, english isn't my first language and I don't usually write things that include cooking so terms may be off!

Masterlist

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"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Corpse looked at you, questioning as you calmly washed your hands.

Shrugging your shoulders, you met his eyes as you replied, "nope, not at all," a small teasing smile formed on your face as you moved past him to dry your hands, "but I used to do this with my brother when I was younger and it turned out fine then. So I'm sure it will be edible."

Still your boyfriend didn't seem convinced, his eyebrows raised in question as you placed all the ingredients on the counter.

What you had told him was the truth however, you had made this recipe countless of times with your older brother when you still both lived with your parents. It had gone well each time, so you didn't worry much.

"I promise there won't be any aluminum foil involved." You teased as you turned to look at him over your shoulder, a small smirk tugging at your lips at the playful glare he send your way.

Corpse chuckled as he gave in, following your lead and washing his hands as you placed a pan on the counter, “will this be large enough?” you questioned as you held up the pan in your hand, questioning to Corpse as he looked at you, “how much do you plan on making?”

You thought for a second, it wouldn’t be bad to make more than necessary and keep the left overs in the fridge for tomorrow, besides that the family recipe that you knew was made to feed an entire family of people.

“It’ll be big enough, probably” you answered your own question as you placed the pan on the stove, returning to the counter as you tried to remember the recipe. It had been a while since you last made it.

Corpse seemed to realize he didn’t even know what you were going to make as he looked at the ingredients that littered the counter top, “what are we making anyway?” his tone questioning as he watched you move around the kitchen, grabbing one of the largest kitchen knives you owned and a cutting board in your other hand.

“Spaghetti Bolognese.” You answered simply, putting the items on the counter as you looked at him, “family recipe of course.”

He nodded his head, unsure of what to do as you moved around and prepared the kitchen for your endeavours.

His eyes followed your movements wordlessly, a small content smile on his face. You had always known your way around a kitchen, somehow whenever you entered one something would just change in your step.

Your otherwise somewhat chaotic movements fluid as you pulled one cabinet open and pulled out a bowl, placing it on the counter as you pushed the cabinet door back with your hip. Even when he had just met you, you held a certain affinity to the kitchen.

Once you’d told him how your mom taught you how to cook and bake, and you carried along the tradition of baking something in the weekends.

As someone that was a walking mess in the kitchen and often ended up with take out as a result, you were magical. It was a mystery to him how you could enter the kitchen and come out half an hour later with two plates of tasteful goodness.

When you became friends with him you learned about his eating situation, the image of which horrifying to you. It didn’t take long for you to drop by occasionally with extra food you had prepared to make sure he would at least consume a nutritious meal every so often.

Over time it became more often and you started to take your own portion with you as well after Corpse invited you to eat at his place instead. As this happened you grew closer to the male and eventually you started dating, the confession taking place at one of these nights.

When you moved in you took the task of buying groceries and cooking whenever you had the time to do so upon yourself. Corpse enjoyed the increase in tasteful cooking, grateful for it even after telling you that you really didn’t have to do it.

“Corpse?” your question pulled him out of his thoughts as he hummed in response.

A small smile tugged on your lips as you pointed to the pot on the stove, “Can you boil some water for the spaghetti? I think around half of the package should be fine.” He could see the packet of spaghetti noodles beside the stove as he moved over.

Beside him you were dicing up a union and carrot before putting them in the small bowl you had put beside the cutting board earlier.

Corpse looked curiously as you worked from beside you. The kitchen knife moved precisely and fluidly in your hands as you worked with it. Somehow you always chose the larger and sharper knives in the kitchen for cooking, claiming they were the most comfortable to use.

You added some garlic to the vegetables before moving to the pan on the stove and turning it on. Emptying the bowl in the pan, you looked at Corpse beside you.

“Can you make the broth? Just add one of those small cubes into around a cup of hot water.” Corpse grabbed the packet and pulled out one of the small cubes for the broth before the writing on the package caught his eye, “this says one cube per one litre.”

As you looked at him he could see the confusion on your face, a small smile on your lips as you shrugged your shoulders, one hand stirring the vegetables in the pan.

“It’ll be a strong broth then?” you questioned, eying the package suspiciously as Corpse chuckled, “Y/n, how long has it been since you made this?”

Now it was your turn for a nervous chuckle to fall off your lips, avoiding eye contact as you turned back to the pan, “like a year or two?” the answer more phrased as a question as you spoke.

You cut Corpse off before he could give up, “it’ll be fine, in the worst case we’ll just order take out later, just give it a chance for now?” the look on your face convincing him as he turned back to the task you had given him.

He dumped the cube in a cup of hot water like you instructed him to do, the cube barely dissolving like he was sure it was supposed to.

As he tried to figure out what he did wrong, you added the meat to your pan as you stirred, looking at what Corpse was doing out of the corner of your eye after his sudden silence.

“Are you okay?’’ you asked as he turned around, the glass measuring cup with a barely fallen apart broth cube in the middle of the orangey water.

“Y/n, it’s not doing the thing.” His voice almost a whine as he presented his failed task to you, a raised eyebrow his only response as you tried to figure out what happened, “Did you use boiled water?”

Now it was Corpse’s turn to be confused as he looked at you, “boiled water? You said warm water!” his voice frustrated as an amused chuckle left your lips.

“Its fine, don’t worry, just add the same amount of water but then boiled and I think we should be fine.” You answered, making Corpse grab the kettle with boiled water for the spaghetti as he poured it into the broth.

As he stirred the mixture the cube started to dissolve, just like you had said, “Won’t we have double the amount of water now?” He looked at you curiously as you stirred the pan, checking if the meat was ready so you could move to the next step.

“I mean its water right? So I guess it’ll just evaporate eventually?” you shrugged your shoulders as you answered.

You left the pan to sit for a while as you moved to your boyfriend, pressing your lips against his cheek, “don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine.” Your voice reassured him as your hand trailed down his arm, pulling your head away you spoke up again, “you can add the broth now by the way.”

Corpse placed a soft kiss on your forehead as he moved away, carefully dumping the broth in the pan together with the other ingredients.

Humming as you watched him, you moved back to the stove to start stirring the mixture of ingredients once more.

You were taken aback when Corpse caged you against him, his hands resting comfortably on your hips as you leant back against him. His head rested on yours as he watched your hands work.

A small smile tugged on your lips at the sweet moment, your hand leaving the ladle you had used to stir the soup like mixture.

You placed it on his hand on your hip, guiding it up so he could stir in your stead as you grabbed the tins filled with tomato paste and diced up tomatoes.

Carefully adding all of it to the pan, a small chuckle left your mouth at the volume the sauce had become. It was hard not to spill it over the edge of the pan as Corpse stirred, making you place your hand over his as you guided him, careful and slow movements keeping the sauce in the pan.

After a few minutes you turned back, your hand leaving Corpse’s as you pressed a soft kiss against his lips, your hand finding his hair as you brushed through it, the dark curls curling over your hand.

“I think it’s time now to start cooking the spaghetti, can you do that?” you looked up at him as a small smile tugged at his lips, “of course, babe” the nickname bringing a small flush to your cheeks.

Before he turned to you for questions you pointed to the package, “there are instructions on there, just use like half of the package.” You responded his unasked question with a small smile as he turned back.

He followed the instructions on the package flawlessly as you grabbed different spices and dumped different amounts into the sauce.

It didn’t take too much longer for your dinner to be finished, the soup like texture replaced by the thicker sauce after all the excess water evaporated.

After dividing the noodles and sauce over two bowls you allowed the remaining sauce to cool off so you could put it in the fridge for tomorrow. Corpse looked over your shoulder as you carried the two plates out, he had grabbed utensils and brought your drinks out to the living room.

You leaned against him on the couch, your bowl in your lap as you ate, a movie playing on the television in front of you. A satisfied hum left your lips as you took the first bite, covering your mouth as you spoke, it’s perfect.”

Beside you Corpse took his first bite beside you, twisting the spaghetti around his fork before he nodded his head.

“It is perfect.” A small smile formed on your face as you looked up at him from your position, leaning your head on his shoulder, “did you enjoy cooking together?”

A small smile formed on his face, “I expected to be worse at it.” A chuckle left your lips, “your always welcome to join me.”

“maybe I will more often.”

[julek]

day 17 ❄ freshly baked bread

winter prompt challenge

The leaves have turned brown by the time they start trailing north. Geralt had had a significant number of contracts south of the Alba, after meeting Jaskier in Lyria, and they’d been slowly making their way into Kaedwen so they can arrive at the keep before the first snow. Jaskier’s joined him for many winters at Kaer Morhen now, and he knows better than to wait too long, careful to expose the bard to frozen temperatures when he doesn’t need to. 

They’re making camp under a white fir after a long day of walking, but Jaskier doesn’t seem too tired. 

“Where are we, exactly?” he asks Geralt, absentmindedly strumming his lute. 

Geralt stokes the fire. “Not too far from Hagge.”

Jaskier frowns and licks his lips, and Geralt knows he’s looking at his mental map of the Continent, which, in Geralt’s humble opinion, isn’t all that accurate. 

“Hagge... You know I always confuse that one with Brugge? Must be the spelling. Anyway! If we’re near Hagge, we’re near Lettenhove!” 

Geralt sits down on a log next to the bard, whose eyes are glinting with excitement. His voice always takes on a soft note when he talks about his family, his expression warm and fond — Geralt knows he misses them, and sadly doesn’t seem to get time to spend around them. Whenever they’re in a city that’s big enough to have a good correspondence system, Jaskier writes to his sisters and his parents, telling them all about their lives as they trudge around the Continent.

Jaskier heaves a small sigh. “Would it be too late for a quick detour? I know you want to get to Kaer Morhen as soon as possible, but I haven’t seen my family for a while and I’d love to hug my mother goodbye for the winter— you don’t have to, though, they can be a lot.” He huffs a laugh. “And maybe— it’s okay if we can’t, actually.”

Geralt shakes his head, a fond smile on his face. He thinks of all the times they strayed from their path just because Geralt had caught word that another Witcher was passing through, the times Jaskier’s missed a banquet just so he could have another round of ale with Geralt’s brothers. “It’s fine, Jask. We can ride out tomorrow.”

“Really?” Jaskier beams, his smile entirely too big for his face and too bright for Geralt to handle, and leans forward to wrap his arms around Geralt’s shoulders. “Oh, that’s so kind of you! I hope you’re prepared, though, they’ll have a million questions about you and they’ll want stories, Geralt—”

“Like you did?” 

“Yeah.” Jaskier pauses, a small smile on his lips. “Like I did.”

 -

 Getting to Lettenhove isn’t hard by itself — the road’s well-traveled and the closer they get to the village, the more Jaskier remembers. They’ve walked through the marketplace and the smell of freshly baked pies lingers, Geralt’s mouth watering at the thought. There’s a narrow path just on the side of the road, and that’s the one leading to Jaskier’s family’s house. It makes a beautiful picture, the golden treetops curling into one another in each side of the path forming an archway, the stone house in the distance. Jaskier’s scent is tinted with excitement and happiness, and it feels warmer than usual, a bit more muted — home, Geralt thinks. 

Jaskier’s family is almost as warm and bright as he is; Geralt’s barely set foot in their house and he’s already pulled into a strong hug, Jaskier’s father clapping on his back with a smile. 

“You’re the Witcher!” Jaskier’s mother exclaims, and there’s nothing but pure joy in her scent. “It’s so exciting to meet you, after hearing all of Julian’s songs!”

Geralt can’t help but smile, already overwhelmed by their hospitality. After Jaskier’s sisters have hugged him welcome and introduced themselves —Kitty, Lizzie, and Jane— Geralt’s lead to a room on the second floor, which he belatedly realizes, belongs to Jaskier.

“I’m terribly sorry,” Jaskier’s mother starts as he sets his pack down by the door. “Had we known we’d have guests, we would have gotten the guest room ready— you’ll have to share with Julian, if that’s alright? Or I could ask the girls to find some clean linens and—”

“Thank you,” Geralt says, kindly interrupting her rambling, which sounds familiar. He bites back a smile. “This is perfect.”

She blushes bright red and goes downstairs, and her voice carries as she orders her family around to start preparing dinner. Geralt moves around the room, taking every detail in. Jaskier’s room looks like he’d imagine, and, at the same time, nothing like it — he immediately feels drawn to it, the dark wooden floors and soft blankets on the bed, the bookcase filled with all kinds of books and the seemingly endless stack of papers by his desk. It’s so him, so Jaskier, Geralt can’t think of another word to describe it.

“It’s weird, seeing you here.” Jaskier’s leaning against the doorframe, a soft smile on his lips. 

“Good weird?” 

“Definitely good weird,” Jaskier says, and presses a chaste kiss to Geralt’s lips, then wraps his arms around him and lays his head against his shoulder. “I’m glad we’re here. Thank you.”

Geralt gently squeezes his waist, pressing his nose against the crook of Jaskier’s neck, breathing in. He hums against his neck.

“Are you hungry?” Jaskier says when they part. “I’m sure Mother would love to stuff you full of pie and wine.”

“Hmm.”

 -

 Geralt wakes in an unfamiliar room. He frowns and goes to reach for his sword when he sees a familiar tangle of brown hair peeking out of the blankets, the warmth of Jaskier’s body against his own grounding him. He drinks Jaskier in; the way his legs are tangled in his, the bard’s head resting on the crook of his arm, his slow breathing. Sunlight filters through the thin curtains and falls around them almost gently, painting everything golden in the early morning. 

Geralt traces small circles on Jaskier’s arm, basking in his warmth. They don’t get many moments like this on the road, and Geralt relishes every second of them — no contracts ahead, no obligations, nothing other than laying close to each other. He closes his eyes and gently nuzzles his nose against Jaskier’s hair, hearing the steady thrum of his heartbeat. 

“You’re thinking sappy thoughts, Witcher,” Jaskier murmurs against his chest, his voice thick with sleep. “I can tell.”

Geralt smiles, then presses a kiss to his temple. “Good morning.”

“Hmm.”

Jaskier pulls the blankets over his head, making small sounds of protest, something along the lines of how it’s too early to be awake and too cold to get out of bed, then brings Geralt under with him, draping the covers around them. 

“Hi,” he says in the dark under their pile. It’s too warm for Geralt, but for Jaskier, he’ll stay. 

“Hi,” Geralt answers, and presses a kiss to Jaskier’s lips this time. It’s slow and sweet and lazy, their lips finding each other again and again, and it’s perfect. “We should get up,” he says when they pull back for air.

Jaskier pouts. “You’re an ingrate, Geralt of Rivia. I bring you to my home, feed you and bathe you—”

“You haven’t bathed me.”

“—share my bed and blankets with you, only for you to demand we get up at the crack of dawn, when we don’t even have anything pressing to attend to. Rude, that’s what you are.”

“I’m sorry,” Geralt says, kissing the frown between Jaskier’s brows. “Will you find it in your good heart to forgive such an indiscretion?”

Jaskier purses his lips, considering. “Hmm, I think I’ll have to. After all, I can’t risk being uninvited to Kaer Morhen. I’ll miss Eskel too much.”

“It’s him you’re after, then?” 

“Of course,” Jaskier says with a grin. “This was all a ploy to get to your brother, my one and only.”

“I think you are getting uninvited to Kaer Morhen, after all.”

Jaskier gasps in mock outrage. “Geralt! You wouldn’t.”

“Hmm.” Geralt tosses the blankets aside and sits up on the bed. “It’s decided.”

Jaskier, with his hair all mussed and sleep still tugging at his eyes, kneels on the bed, and he’s never quite looked so beautiful. “I could convince you to change your mind?”

Geralt turns to look at him. “How?”

Jaskier lifts his eyebrows and licks his lips. “I’m sure we can come to an arrangement.”

 -

 After a mind-blowing blowjob and another few hours of sleep, Geralt and Jaskier make their way downstairs. The house is silent, and there’s a note on the kitchen table: Went to town to run some errands before the cold settles in. Help yourselves to breakfast! We’ll be back at noon. 

“Well, seems we’ve the house to ourselves,” Jaskier says and grabs a mug. “Tea?” Geralt takes a seat at the table and nods. “Okay, I don’t quite remember where everything is— What would you like to eat? I’m sure there’s fruit, and some nuts, and we could— Oh! I could make some bread for you!”

Geralt lifts an eyebrow. “You can bake?”

“Of course I can!” Jaskier starts pulling ingredients out of different drawers and sets them on the table. “I’m quite a proficient baker, mind you.” 

Geralt hums and sips at his tea when the water’s done boiling. Jaskier chatters away, bright and awake, and he’s wearing one of Geralt’s shirts. His hair is still a tangled mess, but his cheeks are flushed and he’s in such a good mood his scent is intoxicating. Geralt’s seen him in many ways — performing at banquets and taverns, forehead damp with sweat and a smirk on his lips; composing by a riverbank, his brows furrowed in concentration and a pen hanging from his lips; moving around Novigrad like he owns the place, in one of his brightest doublets and a smile plastered on his face after he downs a bottle of Everluce. He’s beautiful in each and one of Geralt’s memory, but right now, with a line of flour across his cheek, wearing Geralt’s shirt and kneading bread for him, sharing his bed and his home and his life with him, this is the most beautiful Geralt’s ever seen him. 

“I love you,” he blurts out.

Jaskier stops mid-rant and brings a hand to his cheek, his eyes wide. “I— you do?”

Geralt breathes out, his chest feeling lighter than it has in years. “I do.” He steps forward, moving closer to him, and presses his hand on top of Jaskier’s. “I do.”

Jaskier smiles, and it feels like sunshine is pouring down on Geralt. He bumps their foreheads together. “I love you too.”

Geralt lets out a quiet laugh and presses a kiss to the corner of Jaskier’s mouth, their breaths intertwined. He thinks of Kaer Morhen, the way the bard takes to it like he’s lived there forever, like there’s no other place he’d rather be. The way he sits by the fire with a book and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, the way he teases Eskel and Lambert like they grew up together, the way he follows Vesemir around the keep with a million questions waiting to be answered. The way he belongs. 

And Geralt belongs too, he realizes. Here, in the middle of Jaskier’s family’s kitchen, with his arms wrapped around his bard as sunlight washes over them, and the scent of fresh bread and love fills his senses. He’s home, too. 

[bothcreativitybois]

Intruality Week 2021 Day 2

I’ve decided to try and connect all these propmpts into one story. If you want to read the day 1 fic it’s here

Day 2: Cooking/Baking @intrualityweek2021  Wordcount: 1292 TWs: Swearing, little bit of sad Patton (I’m just like this okay?), Remus doing Remus things, brief gore (not detailed), alcohol meantion (one sentance)

General Taglist: (ask to be added <3) @crazydemigod666 @star-crossed-shipper 

After seven hours, five countertops, twenty spatulas and countless other fatalities, Remus looked at the dozen plates set out in front of him. This was his greatest masterpiece, he continually amazed himself. This plan would work perfectly, he just needed one more thing before he could start. He quickly sank out into Patton’s room. The only light was a little pooh bear night light, dimly illuminating the mound snuggled under numerous fluffy blankets. Remus sneaked forward quietly until he reached the edge of the bed. “Papa Bear!” Remus shouted and jumped on top of Patton. The sleeping side was startled awake and screamed loudly, grabbing his attacker. He was mostly relieved to see it was just Remus. “Hey Kiddo.” Patton said tiredly. “What do you need?” He rubbed his eyes as he spoke. Remus’ wicked smile glowed in the darkness. “I made you dinner.” Remus said proudly. Patton sighed. “Thank you Remus, that’s very thoughtful but I already ate.” Patton mumbled as he laid back down. Remus waited a moment before jumping again. “Please Daddy! I spent a long time on it.” Remus asked again. Patton didn’t move but shushed him. “Everyone is sleeping, please be quiet.” Patton asked. Remus shook Patton’s bed. “I’m gonna be loud until you agree!” Remus shouted. He started moaning and shouting vulgarly. Patton quickly sat up and put a hand over Remus’ mouth. His red face glowed in the dark. “Alright alright just plea- hey!” Patton retracted as Remus nipped his hand. “Ew.” He wiped his hand on the blanket, Remus grabbed it and pulled him out of bed. He sat Patton at the dining table and spun himself around. He changed into a sultry looking waiter outfit. “Tell me what you think of each dish.” Remus said as he grabbed the first plate. “I worked hard on them.” Remus placed the plate in front of Patton whose sleepy mind was caught off guard. He’d forgotten the golden rule of the mindscape: Never trust Remus. On the plate was a caramel apple, except the caramel was covered in lint and hair. “Oh um… I think you dropped it…” Patton gently picked up the apple by the stick and showed Remus. He looked it over with a smile. “I didn’t.” Remus said proudly. Patton relaxed for a moment. “That’s from Virgil’s hairbrush.” Patton dropped the apple back onto the plate. Remus pouted. Patton looked at Remus’ sad expression then back at the hairy apple. After a deep breath he picked up the apple and Remus lit up. Delicately as he could, Patton took a bite before dropping the apple. He covered his mouth as the sticky strands stuck to his teeth. Remus looked on hopefully. “It’s… good.” Patton lied as he churned the caramel with his teeth. Remus clapped and jumped excitedly. As soon as he turned to get the next plate Patton began spitting the caramel into a napkin and scraping the sticky bits out. He wished he had some water. “How about a drink?” Remus read Patton’s mind in the worst way possible. He placed a plate with a fancy looking martini glass in front of Patton. He would’ve taken it immediately after that horrid hairy haribo but he wasn’t going to break the golden rule twice. “What… is it?” Patton wasn’t sure whether it was better to know or not. “A cocktail.” Remus announced. “Sex on the beach.” Patton eyed the drink suspiciously. He’d seen pictures of the drink before but they looked a little more… colourful. Patton picked up the drink and took a slow sip. The grainy salty liquid was putrid. Patton gagged and spat it back into the glass as discreetly as he could. “What is in that…” Patton asked through teary eyes. Remus brought a notepad out of nowhere and read from it. “Sand, water from Logan’s fish tank, salt, oyster juice and bird poop.” Patton gagged again. “How's it taste?” Remus asked with a smile. Patton really began to re-evaluate just leaving. “A little salty…” Patton tried to be honest by Remus’ sad face smacked him in the heart. “But still good!”

Dish after horrible dish Patton puckered, swallowed and gagged his way through the devious delicacies. Each was worse and less edible than the last, he was pretty sure one was just a boiled baseball. With each plate he wished he’d stayed in bed. “Last course!” Remus announced as he grabbed the final plate. “A lovely dessert!” Patton thought of all the things he wished it was. Cookie Dough ice-cream, brownies, strawberry milkshake, chocolate mousse. “Kitten eye-cy pop!” Remus placed the bloody red iceblock in front of Patton who squealed. This wasn’t real, it was just a nightmare. Even Remus wouldn’t expect him to eat that. But even when he opened his eyes again, a handful of tiny sad frozen kitty eyes stared back. “No Remus!” Patton sobbed. “I can’t! No! I’ve had all your horrible food and I’m tired and upset and no!” Tears exploded out of Patton's eyes. He sobbed for a moment before looking up at Remus. He expected anger and disappointment, maybe a bit of shouting. But Remus’ eyes were filled with pride. “Fucking finally!” Remus said as he sat down. “I thought I was going to have to serve you Roman’s stupid little face to get you to crack.” Remus danced a hand over the dessert and it disappeared. “What?” Patton was really confused now. He really wanted to go back to bed. “Patsy, I didn’t wake you up at three in the morning and feed you a bunch of gross stuff and expect you to enjoy it. I’m sadistic, not oblivious.” Remus explained. Patton wiped his eyes and listened. “You needed a lesson, thankfully I am a great teacher.” “What lesson?” Patton asked sadly. Remus rolled his eyes. “You need to learn to say no!” Remus snapped. “I’m sorry.” Patton croaked overwhelmed. “No, don't apologise!” Remus stood and shouted back. “I’m a bad person! I did bad things! Yell at me!” “I can’t...” Patton sobbed.                               “Do it!” Remus pressed. “No!” Patton finally gave in. He pushed himself up with the table, tears sparkling on his cheeks. “I’m tired! I’m upset! I just wanna sleep!” Patton tried to emphasise by hitting the table but accidentally hit the plate. He slowly looked down at the broken plate. Patton fell back into his seat in a sobbing heap. Remus stood there looking between Patton and the plate for a minute. Then he took a few steps closer. “Didn’t know you were that strong.” Remus joked. Patton didn’t laugh. “Remus please don’t.” Patton begged, he didn’t know what for. Patton felt Remus drape something around him. Remus wrapped his arms around Patton and lifted him into his chest. A moment later the room darkened. Patton felt himself being placed down onto a bed. His bed. “Remus.” Patton felt more blankets cover him. “Consider it a thank you for the sweater.” Remus smiled to himself. It just occurred to Patton that this was the second time Remus had seen him cry in two days. No one saw him cry. He reached out of his curled up position and grabbed Remus’ hand. “You’re a good guy.” Patton whispered. Remus wasn’t sure how to react. “You’re delirious.” Remus said back. “Maybe.” Patton conceded. “But I would really like it if you could cook for me again some time.” Remus froze. He was trying to annoy Patton, trying to annoy him and be a terrible person, but Patton thought it was… endearing? “Oh I definitely will.” Remus chuckled. It was less wicked and more goofy. Patton hadn’t heard that before, neither had Remus. What was happening to him? He was getting soft. He’d just have to try harder.

[shadowsandstarlight]

A little writing request, since you asked for them :) (only if you want to, no pressure if you don't vibe with this one for whatever reason!)

Tommy being safe and happy because everything is fine and he's just vibing with bee duo because everything is chill.

(Just something fluffy because I care he .)

The house was warm. How strange. Tommy’s little hill house was never comfortably warm, it was either unbearably cold from drafts of night air or scorching hot from a burning furnace in the confined space. And there was something warm beside him, breathing. Funny. Couldn’t be Shroud, Shroud’s not warm or quite that big, and there’s not two Shrouds. He also, Tommy notes, smells far more pleasant than this. At least whatever he was laying on was soft, not rough wool that he hadn’t even had time to comb out properly before hastily putting it together into a bed. Slowly Tommy opens his eyes, almost fearing what he might find. Surprises, in his experience, rarely end well. Two bodies lay beside him, one to his left, long and thin and spindly, and another to his right, small and fluffy with two little horns. Oh. He’d forgotten he was visiting Snowchester, in all his sleepy haze. Tubbo had practically dragged him to see it (false, Tommy had pestered Tubbo until he was allowed to come along to visit. In Tommy’s defence, it really didn’t take that much pestering), to check out the little town covered in snow. So Tommy had come along, and spent the day in the snow with his friend. At some point Ranboo had shown up, bundled head to toe in heavy clothes to keep water from getting through and burning him (how stupid, Tommy had thought, to be burned by snow. Luckily, he was not the kind of pussy to be burnt by water, even the boiling hot stuff. People always questioned it, but his response was always the same: He was a big man, and quite simply built different. Tubbo called bullshit, but could never find a better explanation, so built different it was). After a bit they were all chilly, and tired, and a little bored, and Tubbo dragged the little trio indoors for hot chocolate. A disc in a jukebox (Chirp, Tommy noted. Clearly inferior to Cat and Mellohi, but it would do) and milk heating in a bucket on the furnace while cookies baked, they tried to play a game of chess, two vs one. The team of two, Tommy and Ranboo, won. Only because Tommy kept eating chess pieces when Tubbo checked on the milk, but still. It was his own fault for not paying attention. When exactly Tommy had fallen asleep he wasn’t sure, but evidently he had, and his friends followed suit. Through a window he could see the dark sky of the night, snow falling in crystalline flakes. It was awfully cold out there, it looked like, and right here was decidedly not. He didn’t enjoy being cuddled between his friends, of course not, such a big man could never. But it really wouldn’t be very poggers to wake them, so he supposed he’d just have to suffer through it. It wasn’t that he was tired, no. But he just couldn’t help it when his eyelids slid gently shut, his breaths grew deep and slow, and he slipped back into sleep, letting his mind drift like the snow into dreams of home.

[alittlesliceofcucumber]

s-so i wrote some lyrics for bf’s part in winter horrorland 👉 👈

below the cut! bf lyrics in bold

Your skin is freezing Here let me help you take it off

(My skin ain't freezing) (I don't need you taking it off)

Feasting with your friends What a perfect way to end All these lonely holidays La la la la

(Feasting with your friends) (But then it sorta depends) (Because we don't wanna stay) (La la la la)

Gonna take a piece of your rabies And vivisect your mind

(Hey man just stop and slow down there please) (Just calm down and unwind)

Snowmen smiling with your teeth (Woah dude that's vile) Fallen angels created with your meat

(Take a look at your own teeth) That pearly smile (Think you need to brush bro, what'dya think?)

Cut in a thousand slices Bake you 'til golden brown

(I don't really wanna fight you) (Go away, lemon clown)

Stuff you with spices (I'll stuff YOU with spices) Serve to friends around (Serve to friends around)

Separate you from your eyes Turn your girlfriend inside out And burn her fingernails La la la la

(I will peel all your skin off) (And then cook you up bro) (Before you even try) (La la la la)

Soak your hands in freezing water (Soak your head in freezing water) Watching as the skin gets softer (How long 'til I peel your skin off?)

See your bones appear (Wait not my bones) In dark red snow (Don't let them go) Drop further below (Below)

Gonna take a piece of your rabies (Don't you dare come closer to my baby) And vivisect your mind (And not to me either)

Gonna take a peek inside your head (I don't even know who you are) And find the worm inside (You big stupid miser)

Cut in a thousand slices Bake you 'til golden brown

(How many times should I tell you?) (We don't want you around)

Fill you with spices (Fill you with spices and-) Serve to friends around (Serve to friends around)

Turn the heat on high and we'll reduce your blood (This song will be over before you can-) Boil lil' boyfriend (Thank god we're at the end) With brandy and plums (It's not even spooky month) (La la la la la)

[nimbus-tatze]

Thanks goes to @h-dgp bc otherwise I'd never live up to my promised posts, in this case a recipe. A long post.

So here's what I'd cook for my mutuals if I could

Psıhaluj, which is dough filled with either cheese, meat, or potato, served with yoghurt and garlic sauce. The dish itself is not super 'rare', variations of it exist in so many cultures, but this is the way our tribe prepares and serves it.

This will be the recipe for the potato version

Start with the filling so it can cool down, otherwise it'll be too hot to handle

For the filling:

4-5 potatoes: boil them and after peeling them take a fork and break them down.

One big onion (or several small ones): finely chop the onions and put them in a pan with a bit of oil on medium heat, until they start to turn translucent at the edges

into the pan add the potatoes, and a good dash of pepper flakes, dried dark purple basil (that's the good stuff, I got a good chunk from my village) and salt. Mix it well. Let it cool.

Also eat that stuff pretending to 'taste it' bc it's good

Now while the filling cools down you can prepare the dough. There are different versions, but I always do the most simple one. Which is:

500 gr of flour

I don't know american dumbass measurements but I think it's half a regular spoon of salt?? I don't know man, I don't stick to a recipe usually. Do whatever you think is approapriate.

mix these two well, then start adding water. How much? I have no idea, just add it bit by bit, by the end the dough should not be sticky. Put it in a plastic bag or smth and let it rest for thirty minutes or so. Or less. I don't write the rules

Ok while the dough and the filling are waiting I usually prepare the sauces. Two types, always, bc that's a rule i WILL stick to.

Sauce one:

Yoghurt, about one and a half cup (or depending on your preference for yoghurt more or less, in my case it's always a bit more)

Add crushed garlic. I could say one clove, but honestly go wild if you want. Just know that sauce no.2 is based on garlic too, so if you can't handle that much stick to one clove (the house is gonna be vampire resistant for the rest of the night, yes, bless my ancestors)

A bit of salt. Just a lil. Mix well. Done.

Sauce Two:

In a pan melt some butter. With some I mean a lot. My people live from animal ag and so I'm used to a lot of butter. Honestly no idea how much. 100 grams? 150 grams? Dunno how that black sheep from the VVitch would try to match my consumption of butter

Before the butter starts to bubble add AT LEAST three or four cloves of garlic (you can add more if you are brave, usually after five cloves I’ll add a bit of water to turn it less intense) and half a spoon of pepper flakes, don't be shy. Put it in there, make sure the butter is hot and let it foam up a bit. Make sure to stir it and don't let the butter turn too dark. If it foams take it off the heat, stir it a bit and let it rest. Done

Ok now that you've got everything ready the troublesome part starts, filling and closing the Psıhaluj.

Take out about a third of the dough, and on a well floured surface, flatten it until it's about 2-3 mm thick. Don't put flour on the top though or you'll have difficulty closing that thing depending on how much water you have used for preparing your dough.

Take a cup with sharper edges, or a cookie cutter, whatever is round. We have a traditional metal cup with engravings for that lmao. Start cutting out circles, they should fit nicely into your palm. Don't do this on all of the dough, just start with a third and then get the filling. If you try to do it one go you'll end up with dry dough disks bc if you havn't done it for years you'll be pretty slow. Ask me how I know.

No. Don't.

Anywayyyyy, take a small spoon, take a good bit of the filling and put it on one side or the center, whatever makes them easier to close for you. If you have difficulty with closing them up tightly take a fork and after putting the Psıhaluj on a surface you can press the end of the fork on the edges to close them up tightly.

Have smth like a big baking sheet or tray ready and put down a kitchen towel. You can put a bit flour on it if the dough has become sticky. They always magically do.

Once you're done with the first third of the dough, repeat the process for the remaining two thirds. All the while make sure to also process the remaining dough from cutting out the circles.

Once you're done it should look smth like this

Ok, by this point you should also have mysteriously found some time to fill a big pot with a lot water and get it to boil. Add salt as you see fit, and then drop in the Psihaluj, again maybe try with a third at first. They should have enough space to swim freely and once they start to float at the top wait maybe another one to two minutes before taking them out (the water should constantly be boiling, your kitchen is gonna look like one of those busy steamy kitchens in tiny back alley restaurants from the movies)

I like to put the finished Psıhaluj into one big casserole/baking dish. Also into that casserole form pour some of that butter garlic sauce on top everytime your done with a third and stir (or shake the entire thing, it's easier) to make sure all the haluj are covered in butter.

Once done with cooking them all and coating them in the sauce I usually put the thing in the middle of the set table and after everyone is seated I'll serve them onto the plates however much anyone likes, starting from the eldest bc I stick to customs. Everyone pours their own yoghurt on top and usually a bit more of the garlic butter to make it look pretty. If you hate wasting stuff, you can take the starchy water you cooked the haluj in, put in some of that dried dark basil and some lemon juice and serve it in a mug, a bit like soup. Not particularly special, but it’s not wasted.

Done. Eat. Be careful of eating too much, that stuff is FILLING. I blame the butter.

Sadly I can't provide you with a picture of the finished product I made myself however here is what i found online (some people like to put dried and crushed peppermint on there as well but that’s mostly non-adyghe people that have us as neighbours)

Additional info from our language, Psı means water, haluj means bread. We made water bread. Great.

Also, maybe be careful who you get close to after that meal, bc you are garlic, garlic is you.