#and some how come to the conclusion that the lesson you are meant to take away from this is that This Is A Good Thing To Aspire To ??????

[nyxofdemons]

“one day im going to have to make like a three hour long video essay that's just called In Defense of Helluva Boss” Please do. I see more anti videos than I do with defense ones. Like the ones that say season 2 is terrible even though it’s barely completed and the ones that say Stolitz is a bad despite them barely having a relationship.

no literally i am sick of seeing more anti content than actual appreciation videos but the anti talking point i see most that drives me up the fucking walls is that it's "bAd RePrEsEnTaTiOn," as if that is all that queer people are allowed to have; just the vague nebulous concept of "Rep(TM)." the fact that if a straight character is a bad person then it's just that This Character is a bad person, but if a queer character is a bad person then This Is Bad Representation Of The Community And Is Homophobic. can we not just HAVE characters?? vehicles to tell a story??? tools to craft a compelling narrative??? this is part of why Helluva/Hazbin being adult shows is such a THING because i see this get shut down a lot under the guise of "uhh well just because it's an adult show doesn't mean that it can handle whatever topic it wants however it wants" and like. yeah buddy! that's true! and that's not what this is fucking about!! when people say "it's an adult show" what they mean is that it's made to be engaged with under the assumption that you would know better than to take information to shape your worldview and perception of other real life people from a fucking cartoon! the show doesn't NEED to tell you that Um Hey Guys Just So You Know This Isn't Actually Meant To Reflect How All Real Life Gay Relationships Are because you are an adult who should already be able to discern this.

"bad rep" doesn't mean "characters that are nuanced, morally gray, or just bad people." "bad rep" would be if helluva boss was a show that said "the REASON these characters are in toxic relationships / are bad people is BECAUSE they are queer, or at least directly correlated to that fact." which is. you know. very fucking different than "these characters are in toxic relationships / are bad people because they 1) live in a classist society that actively encourages them to be their worst selves and 2) are extremely traumatized."

[futurecorps3]

Hiii !! I love your writing ❤️. If your comfortabke can i ask for marauders comforting reader since they do stuff for others but forget to take care about themselves?

𝐍𝐞𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞

Masterlist<3

Summary: They'll always have each other<3. Pairing: poly!marauders x fem!reader Warnings: Reader stops eating, kind of scolding from the marauders but like in a nice way, mentions of being sick. Lemme know if I missed any!! Word Count: 1.5K Requested: Yes

A/N: Made this poly!marauders love, hope u don't mind! Thank you so much, hope you enjoy<3.

Since they met, there was no waking moment where Y/N wasn't offering to do something to help life make even the slightest bit easier for people. Not because she was a people pleaser. No, not at all. She was just that kind. Sirius heard Remus say once that "acts of service" was her "love language".

He demanded to know what exactly that meant and the conclusion was that that's the way their girl expressed her love. And that was okay. James loved to craft little handmade gifts for his boyfriends and girlfriend. Remus tried to spend as much time as he could with them. Sirius wanted nothing but to cuddle with his loves. Y/N/N loved helping them.

Even her friends, too! Lily needed a book from the library but didn't have time to fetch it? Y/N could get it for her. Regulus was having a hard time and needed his comfort food? She'll cook it, it's okay. Her boyfriends loved how sweet she was with it as well, a caring soul that expressed her love through helping.

Until it backfires.

Remus was the first one to notice, ever the observer. "Y'okay dove?" he whispered, looking down at her figure resting on his arm, almost dozing off. That would be a normal occurrence if their history of magic lesson was a bit too boring for her liking, and he'd let her sleep through it since it was one of the classes Y/N excelled in without even trying.

Not the case with potions, and she always tried her best. So yes, this was odd. "Just a bit tired s'all" the girl mumbled back, trying to get up but inevitably snuggling impossibly closer to the boy's arm. "Darling, Slughorn will give you detention if you keep sleeping. Get up for me, will ya?" he muttered once again, gently pulling her up, but she just ended up falling face first on the table.

James looked over at the thud and frowned, directing his gaze to Remus who, wide-eyed, shook his girlfriend's form to wake her up. She was no longer asleep. A thousand possibilities ran through his head. Confusion. Fear. Shock.

"Is everything alright, Remus?" The professor asked, in perfect timing, looking over at his student. "I-I don't know what happened, sir. She was dozing off, and I was trying to wake her up but-" "Let's go. Pomfrey. Now."

Sirius' voice coming from behind him, James already carrying Y/N's limp form in his arms and quickly exiting the classroom in a hurried step. His boyfriend had a habit of overthinking and trying to piece a logical explanation for everything, like right now; why did Y/N faint suddenly? Sirius knew she fainted, and they needed to get help right that second.

Why's and how's would be found later, when their girl was okay.

The couple ran through the corridors, James muttering small "Darling, wake up" and "Stay with me, alright? We're almost there" with Remus and Sirius following close behind, hand in hand as the prior dried some stray tears with the right sleeve of his sweater.

It was all much too overwhelming for him; Y/N fainting, Sirius looking worried which practically never occurred, James talking to his girlfriend's limp body as if she were dead and how he got in his head instead of acting when it all happened.

His boyfriend squeezed his hand, knowing him well enough to realize what was going on in his head. “Remember what Jamie told us the other day? When you hop on a plane, they tell you to place your air-mask before helping whoever needs help near you” He said as the three of them walked through the infirmary’s door.

“Y/N/N needs help right now, but we gotta be okay to help her. Steady breaths for me, baby” he continued, encouraging him to find a rhythm so he could calm himself down. James placed Y/N on one bed and brushed the hair out of her face.

Pomfrey got in action quick as lightning, giving her a potion that would wake her up. Fainting like she did was not normal, not for a healthy person like Y/N, so she had to have her awake to answer her questions.

Her boys sat down on the sides of the bed, James and Remus on one couch cuddling as Sirius held her hand on the other side, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. “My poor girl…” James mumbled, watching over her as Moony dozed off after the energy-draining panic he had.

“She’s been quite busy lately,” Sirius prompted. Maybe she fainted out of tiredness. “Yeah, she wasn’t even at movie night with the girls on Thursday, Lily told me,” the brunette answered, getting where his boyfriend was going. "Hasn't been much with us either, eh?" "Yeah".

They waited for about an hour after Pomfrey gave her the potion before she woke up. All of them stayed there the whole time. It was about 5pm, and they didn't attend lunch, but they couldn't risk her waking up alone. Sirius saw her shifting and stood up immediately, making James and Remus to do the same. Brows furrowed and dry lips, Y/N opened her eyes slowly.

"Hello, darlin'", "Hi babe", "Mornin' dove".

Prongs busied himself with a cup of water for his girlfriend as she returned their greetings. "W-what happened?" She asked, confused out of her mind before sipping on the glass. "You fainted during potions. Poppy said she needs to ask ya some questions." Sirius smiled, kindly kissing her nose to pull a giggle from her. "You've been taking care of yourself, baby?" Now spoke Remus, already sensing what was happening.

"Yes, I-I've been helping Reggie with some stuff for Divination and spent most of my days there, but yes" "When's the last time you ate?". Theatrical silence fell as Y/N tried to recall when did she had her last meal. Around ten seconds passed, and Sirius sighed in frustration. "Shit, Y/N".

"M'sorry, okay!?" the girl whined softly, feeling guilty about it already. "I was busy. Regg needed help..." "That's no excuse for you to not take care of yourself!" The raven-haired boy yelped, anger and worry clear in his tone. There was no way he'd let it happen again. It doesn't matter how much she wanted to help; straight up blacking out for not eating was unacceptable.

James grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Calm down, darling. You too, Y/N. We're just glad you're okay." He pipped in, seeing as tears started to well up in his girl's eyes. Remus sat next to her on the bed, grabbing her hand and intertwining her fingers. "Sirius, could you go get some food for her? See if there's still some. Tell Poppy she's up and we know why she fainted." "Yeh," he mumbled, boots loud on the floor as he exited the room.

"Is he mad at me? A-Are you guys mad at me?" "Nonsense, dove," Remus cooed, laying beside her and letting her rest his head on his chest as Prongs did the same, holding his boyfriend's hand in the process. "We're not mad and neither is Sirius, he's just worried, and a bit frustrated but not mad". Y/N nodded after James explained, kissing both of their cheeks and finishing her water.

"S'not okay you forget to eat, though. We understand how much you like taking care of everyone and help them out..." Spoke the lycanthrope "We love that about you!" Chirped James. "... but you gotta be okay before you help anyone else. Take care of yourself first, then others. We could remind you if you like but this cannot happen again".

She nodded once again, reminding herself of the times her stomach grumbled, but she didn't listen. "Okay" Y/N smiled at her boys. Pomfrey walked over right after and scolded her for the negligence, offering more water and advised to skip the next day of classes to rest. As they got ready to leave, Sirius walked back with an armful of pastries, careful on balancing them and not drop a thing.

Everyone helped him and placed the food on the bed, rounding it so they could share their late lunch. Padfoot sat next to Y/N, and she immediately grabbed his face so he'd look at her to have his undivided attention.

As he looked upon her face, a chill ran through his body as he noticed how pale she was, and he couldn't help but feel his heart break a little as he reached out and held her face in his hands. "I'm sorry Siri..." She mumbled, looking him dead in the eye; a thing they did when one was being dead serious.

"No, I'm sorry. Shouldn't've lashed out at you like that, it's just you- you got me worried and I don't like you ill for something you can control. We'll eat our meals like clockwork now so you don't forget pup, that okay?" The boy proposed, grinning sympathetically at her as she mumbled a small okay before pressing a deep kiss to his soft lips.

The couple ate and chatted, like any other day. Promises were made, too; The boys made a silent agreement on making sure Y/N took care of herself, and she, to be as caring with herself as she was with others.

In the end, they had each other. When fainting, when laughing, when crying. They were together for the end of time and that's really all that mattered.<3

˚ · • . ° .

This is my first time writing poly!marauders so I'm very nervous at how y'all will like it haha. Tysm for reading! Hope you enjoyed

Remember, the best way to support writer’s works on here is by REBLOGGING WITH TAGS. I’d very much appreciate it if you did!

Thanks again, stranger. Hope you have a nice day<3

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO REPOST AS THEIR OWN/TRANSLATE/OR COPY MY WORK IN ANY PLATFORM OR SPACE WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT CONSENT.

[thethingswedotomorrow]

Aziraphale and Crowley are both idiots, with a severe lack of common sense on any given day.

But these idiots were both tasked with watching and guiding the new humans God had created, for better or for worse. What they didn't realize was just how unprepared they both were for this task.

Before being sent out to Eden, they were BOTH given a crash course on the newest creatures, (humans??) roaming around the garden. Just the essentials, don't poke here, this does that, avoid this bit, this part leaks, etc.

Aziraphale's lesson was much more formal, only highlighting the parts of the humans that were deemed 'essential' by the Archangels

Having to sit through Gabriel explaining the purpose of a tongue for hours was enough to make anyone zone out, let alone a principality who had just been told that the place he was being sent to would be full of creatures that were filled with an odd combination of liquid at all times. Good Lord, how was he meant to protect these humans when they could explode at any time?

Aziraphale had checked out mentally by the time they started covering exactly what the eyebrows were for

Hell decided to take a more hands-on approach.

By hands-on, they meant having Dagon draw what they assumed a human might vaguely look like, and then explaining the best ways to torture the squiggly bits

Crowley spent most of the class trying to decide whether the drawing looked more like a horse or a soggy blanket crumpled into a pile

(Crowley had only recently learned about the 'horse' idea, and he was decidedly not impressed by them.)

(He could get behind this blanket idea, however. He'd have to check that one out in a few years.)

So once they'd both reached the Garden, and checked the place out for themselves, they both came to the same conclusion.

They had some SERIOUS questions about what was going on here

Naturally (and reluctantly for one of them), they gravitated towards each other. They both knew asking either of their sides would imply that they didn't pay attention to the classes. And neither of them wanted to have a repeat lesson, thank you.

"Ah, yes, hello, Crawley was it?"

"Obviously, still me. Be odd for me to be someone else, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, well. I was wondering..if you had..perhaps....noticed anything about these humans?"

"Noticed what? They're awfully boring. Told me 'get up there and make some trouble', but all they do is sleep and eat things and walk around. Made 'em trip a few times, but it got old by the 5th time around honestly."

"Well I don't think they're meant to do much more. If they were, then they would have. As is God's plan. Oh there is no need for dramatics Crawley."

It was at that point Crawley sighed VERY aggressively, flopped down onto a rather soft looking patch of grass, and looked up at Aziraphale.

"Was there a point here, Angel, or have you just come to preach?"

"I do wonder, however, if God was perhaps made aware of the issues in the hardware, as it were."

"What are you on about?"

"Yesterday, I saw Eve walking around, admiring all the plants and such. They really are truly beautiful, you know. Have you seen them yet?"

"Nah, haven't gotten over there yet. Mostly been hanging around on the rocks, very warm there. Why? What'd she do?"

"Well, she walked up to the flowers, and..then she just..sort of...." Aziraphale trails off, very hesitant about how to describe the situation.

"Sort of what?" Now Crowley is curious. Always been his downfall, that sort of thing.

"She just... she stuck her face into them."

"She WHAT?"

"Exactly! Stuck her face into them, no warning or anything. That poor, poor woman could have been killed. Who knows what those flowers will do to her tongue."

"HER WHAT?"

It was at this point that they both realized that they may not have gotten the same education on the humans and their anatomy.

"So, they aren't actually going to explode? Oh thank God."

"Well, I mean they could, I suppose. If you poked them enough, or shook them up really hard. Y'think we should try that?"

"Crawley, no."

Between both of them, they gathered enough information about the humans to have a general idea of what they should and shouldn't do to help them survive

(Crowley might enjoy watching them trip, but he's a Demon, not a monster. There'd be no point going and killing them right after they launch the whole program.)

It turned out that what they had gathered between Heaven and Hell was quite literally the bare minimum of human physiology.

They stuck together from then on, determined to find out everything they could about the humans.

The first time Eve sneezed after smelling the flowers, Aziraphale jumped up so quickly that he broke the rock he was using as a seat clean in half

Crawley and Aziraphale stood perfectly still on the wall, waiting for something else to happen.

All Eve did was sniff a bit and walk away.

Aziraphale turned to Crowley, eyes wide and full of terror. They both stared at each other for a few minutes before they both silently sat down, contemplating what they had assumed was a very near-miss explosion.

The next day, when Adam stepped into the pool of water at the edge of the Garden, the angel and demon watched with the utmost attention.

"D'ya think they can breathe in there?"

"In the water?"

"Yeah, those slimy things at the bottom seem to be doin' just fine without coming up top. Maybe the humans can do that too."

"Crawley, those are fish. The humans need the air to live. I think."

"Fiiiiiish? Fsh. Fiisssshhh. Nah, don't like that. Slimy things works better, who names these things? Was it you?"

"I'm afraid that was not my department, unfortunately. I like to think I would have gone with a different choice than 'fish', if I had any say in the names."

"Mm. He's been down there for a bit, yeah?"

"Who? Oh, him. Has he? Oh. Oh Lord, he has. Adam? Adam?"

One small miracle later, the humans and the non-humans had both learned that they did need the air to live.

The day Eve and Adam laughed together was a good day.

'What're they even laughin' at?" Crowley wiggles/walks* his way over to where Aziraphale is sat on the edge of the wall, watching the humans.

*He's still figuring out the whole leg thing, far too complicated if you ask him

"If I had to guess, I'd say they're laughing at the state of Adam."

"How'd he even get like that? Last I saw, he was running around near that pond, how's that happen? They were on your watch, Angel."

"Ah, while you went to look at the plants, he fell. Apparently when dirt and water mix, it becomes very sticky. Mud, I believe it's called."

"Blegh. Way to go Angel, I left for five minutes and you let him get all mud-ed. Looks awful, don't see why they're laughin'. They've always got somethin' stuck to em."

Despite his words, Crowley couldn't help but smile at the humans. Something so ridiculous and they stood there laughing at it, having all the time in the world to explore and find out new things.

Aziraphale noticed this, and smiled as well. Mostly because of the humans and how fond he was already of them

But also, at Crowley and a new type fondness for him, as well.

(Though it would take many, many years for him to admit that)

Crowley and Aziraphale sat and laughed, watching these new humans bumble around and laugh, being happy to just exist and discover everything there was to discover. If Crowley snuck glances at the angel while he was laughing, he'd never admit it.

Maybe tomorrow, Crowley thought, he'd see what the deal was with that big apple tree.

[sassykinzonline]

ok i saw the post you guys meant when you were asking about platonic SNS aka "SNS should be platonic because that makes it selfless", heres what i'll say (some of these sort of rehash the ask, but with a more direct rebuttal to the specific point):

the manga explicitly shows how various types of love (platonic, familial, professional, romantic, sexual) can be "imperfect", therefore, the manga rejects the idea that one sort of love is implicitly "correct" or "selfless" or whatever ontological good you want to attach to the love of your choice

action/shounen's propensity to pose the love interest as the "reward" for the hero's journey not only doesnt apply to SNS (nor the naruto manga from an SNS lens), but this is also another example of attaching an ontological idea that is irrelevant to a concept. tropes are not what define a genre nor a story archetype, theyre simply a common device used within these things. for example, the "heroine as a reward" trope for the hero may be a device used to exemplify success, honour, or nobility. it likely stems from cultural patriarchal norms where what was "desirable" was a "brave" man with deeds to his name. the point of this trope is likely to inspire a reader to emulate the hero, thinking that they will also ~get the girl at the end of their "journey". but the trophy doesnt have to be the girl. the trophy can be riches. the trophy can be a title. the trophy can be peace itself. it can be all those things. why? because the core of a hero's journey is literally the hero's journey, how and why they get from point A to point B and what the effects of that are. and thats typically how you choose what trophy to give your hero at the end.

the naruto manga subverts this trope by making the "journey" the feelings themselves: do you have them, how to express them, are they enough, are they even appropriate to have, what does the other person feel, what can be done about that? thats why i said the trope doesnt exactly apply to SNS. by making the journey about the feelings, the "reward" of the heroine at the end is no longer a patriarchal holdover but a logical conclusion to a conflict. this is why i joke that naruto the manga works better as a YA novel from the twilight/hunger games era, because typically those kinds of books have room for this kind of complexity. this is also why "sasuke" is not primarily an antagonist, he is a deuteragonist. he is tangentially going through the same journey as naruto, he is not running counter to naruto's journey intentionally.

even if you wont agree that the feelings are the journey, and instead the journey is becoming hokage or uniting the shinobi world or whatever, by definition naruto's feelings have to change for the journey to be possible. otherwise theres no point in the journey, hed be able to be hokage at the start of the manga and everyone would agree on that despite him being weak. there is a reason why naruto's power-ups also come with some sort of emotional lesson, and that emotional lesson is what gets people on his side. every arc in the manga is naruto has to do something -> naruto has an idea -> someone tells him that his idea is immature -> he trains while pondering the idea -> he needs to use the idea to complete his training -> he voices his revised idea that he learned from the someone -> he wins. theres only one exception to this. i'll let you figure out why that is.

many people who make this argument about how "platonic love is better" are both understanding the point and not understanding the point. these people are taking platonic love to mean "friendship" and thats not what it means in the sense its used in the manga, nor in a classical sense. platonic love according to plato (the one its named after), is the idea that it is a love that transcends earthly ideas like carnal desire and physical unity and instead becomes desire for one's true essence and unity in the "truth" of one's being. this means platonic love isnt "love without sex" but "love that can be more than just sex". so these people understand that "platonic love" is above any other type of love, but not because its "friendship". platonic love is "better" because it is permanent and unchangeable. truth is inherent. a soul is inherent. thats why within SNS there are themes of reincarnation of souls, of sharing of pain, of cosmic unity, of reuniting after death, of inexplicable yet unavoidable attraction, of the recognition, understanding and acceptance of someone else's truth.

in summary: SNS' souls are having cosmic sex and thats what saves the world.

[chillwildwave]

The Wishing Kingdom: Our Command

Hey y’all, I think it is time for me to come up with this conclusion before I rewrite the villain song, I saw some of the issues surrounding Magnifico’s villain song such as the upbeat attitude and the lyrics being awful, for instance, when he says that he lets the people of Rosas live there for free and he doesn’t charge rent, that’s the same thing, like come on, we’ve had so many cool villain songs over the years and you guys CHOSE THIS ONE, I mean yeah, enough of my ranting let’s just get into my version!

So in my version of the rewritten song, which is titled “Our Command”, is sung by Magnifico and Amaya as they are mostly mocking Asha’s conflict with wanted to please her parents by showing them that she is capable of being a wishgranter but has no skills whatsoever therefore saying that she’s unworthy of getting what she wants, the vibe I went for with this song is “Playing With The Big Boys”, “Mother Knows Best” and “In The Dark Of The Night”, so this will mostly be the couple showing their evil nature towards Asha despite being adopted by them.

Now, let’s get into it, shall we?

(Amaya speaking)

Oh, Asha, didn’t we tell you before?

(Magnifico)

There’s power, and there’s strength,

No matter what size, or even length,

You see this?! Is what you’re asking,

From us,

(Amaya)

Now what do you have to say?

Too nervous, what a bad day,

Too tedious to speak up,

Why won’t you stand up!

(Both)

By the power of glory,

How are we so unworthy?

Trust us we’ll do the talking,

Stay shut, it’s our command!

(Magnifico)

You see all these powers,

That you hold in your hands,

It seems like not everything works as your plan,

Let us teach you how to use it well,

(Amaya)

Whoops, that was all a slip up,

Looks like the crown will pass on,

(Asha)

But please, I swear it didn’t happen…

(Amaya)

Who cares, they’re just excuses!

(Both impersonating Asha)

It’s impossible,

It’s all so useless,

Why is this so hard?

Give me time to regard?

(Asha)

Is this all still a joke?

It’s not meant for that way!

(Magnifico)

Call the guards, you shall stay OUT,

Thats the case if you don’t obey!

(Both)

You’re nothing but a failure,

No questions, Session’s over,

Get gone don’t grab my hand,

This is our command!

We’ve got something to do,

Don’t worry, pet, we’ve got you,

Ha, lies, don’t mean to burst your bubble,

Now, GO, before you’re in big, big…

(Magnifico)

TROUBLE!

There is also a reprise of the same song but is in a point where the couple held Antares captive while they’re about to get rid of his magical seed inside of his broach which made up star beings in the first place, and they wanted to steal it as revenge for not granting their wish and he is to blame! It’s a bit like “The Plagues” mashed up with “Hellfire” and “Friends On The Other Side” but it’s just as intense as those songs as with this, Antares was close to losing his power without that seed and all the stars as well.

(Antares)

Ugh, ugh, can you just, let me go for once?!

(Magnifico)

Uh, uh, uh, not so fast you stupid fool, right now, we’ve got a lesson to teach you…

Serveras, obstructum, evalidae qui,

Come feed all the wind and the misery,

(Amaya)

Grasunis, fraronfi, measelle stet,

Let heaven and earth break down at their fate,

(Both)

What left you hear at fault?

Our hearts were left so cold,

Because of you, so young,

We’ll take that power from your tongue,

Be prepared for your undoing,

For hell shall see you kneeling,

Now this time you won’t stand,

Now this is OUR COMMAND!

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more!

@annymation @uva124 @kstarsarts @oh-shtars @tumblingdownthefoxden @thisnameisnotspokenfor @frogcoven88 @signed-sapphire @wings-of-sapphire @rylxdreams @hopeyarts @dangerousflowerpanda @your-ne1ghbor @rascalentertainments @spectator-zee @mythartist21 @gracebethartacc @gracebeth3604 @lunellasflo @mafik-sun @emillyverse @synergysilhouette

[johaerys-writes]

Can I ask you about the scene with Priam?

Before this Achilles is not “sleeping,” bathing, eating, or drinking as part of his mourning process. We see him holding Patroclus’ body, a no-no as the body is “unclean.” (Also, he shaves his head, rolls in dirt, passes out in dirt, etc.) I have seen some takes about how this is part of Achilles’ mourning process for both Pat and himself and how this is him sort of losing the rest of his humanity. Then just-just prior to the Priam scene, Thetis goes to Achilles to tell him to give Priam Hector’s body. Achilles just gives in without any resistance. This is around line 130. She’s like, ‘baby you got to move on from this. Go have something to eat and fuck a woman’ (some of the phrasing here is curious, but it’s not exactly the focus of my question). I always thought this quick acceptance to see Priam was a sign of his deep depression and resignation to his fate.

But then in the scene with Priam he plays proper host. He’s eating and drinking. Then he (debatable imo) goes off to fuck Briseis. It’s like he is literally doing what his mother told him to do. So why the switch from rejecting human customs and needs to engaging in “normal” behavior? As you mentioned, these old stories function differently and don’t exactly have characters arcs with lessons learned. So like wtf is going on? What are we supposed to do with this information?

No disrespect here, but sometimes I think these reversal scenes (which happen multiple times) are just one of Homer’s co-authors/editors going off and doing their own thing and there’s really no hidden meaning at all.

Okay so first of all, I think the notion of Homer's "editors" tampering with the text is a fairly popular one in some circles, I have heard a few different versions of it and I'm not sure I agree or disagree. Most classicists whose work I've read so far, and who work predominantly with Homer, tend to take the Iliad and Odyssey at face value and to automatically assume that the works are the way Homer/whoever wrote them intended them to be. And this is the way I myself engage with the Homeric works, because I think once you go "oh that part here is nonsense, it has probably been changed by those nebulous editors" then you're so much more likely to pick and choose what you like and draw your own conclusions and I don’t think that's fair to the work and the extensive body of work dealing with that work. Ykwim? So let's just say that the Iliad as a whole, and the part you highlighted in particular, are in the fact the way the original epic is meant to be.

The last few books of the Iliad, in my opinion, are the breakdown of Achilles' character. In the beginning, despite his anger and resentment towards Agamemnon, we still see him put together and civil with everyone during the embassy scene, and then again when he speaks with Patroclus, arms him and sends him forth to fight. Then, after Patroclus dies, he loses the plot and goes on his rampage, where his grace, respect and courtesy even towards his enemies fly right out the window. Even after he kills Hector and drags him around, he finds no peace. He refuses to eat, drink or bathe and still yearns and cries for Patroclus. But then, after he sees Patroclus' shade at the beach, is where the second most important change comes about if you ask me; this is when Achilles seems to wholeheartedly accept his death. We have Patroclus' funeral, then the funeral games, where Achilles seems to once again find his nobility and grace, as well as showcase how adept he is at diplomacy and handling the other warchiefs' pettiness and arrogance. Even with Agamemnon he is generous and polite, not exhibiting any resentment towards him.

But there's something different about that scene compared to all the others imo: there is not much of the energy, fire and determination we would see earlier, even when he was grieving. He gives away so much of his treasure too; my friend Baejax and I have often talked about this scene and how it feels like Achilles is giving away his wealth because he has no need for it, since he'll be dying soon anyway. This is a man that has fully accepted that hard behind glory rides death, and that it will be coming swiftly for him.

And this is how I've always seen the meeting with Priam, tbh. For me personally, that scene has always been about grief, mortality and the cost of glory (which is the most important commodity in the Iliad universe) and a meditation on the suffering which unites mankind. Achilles talks about his homeland and the father he has left behind whom he will never again see, about the pain he has caused Priam and his people, about the gods and the ultimate lack of choice that humans have. Men must suffer, he says, and must make others suffer in a world without justice.

So for me it isn’t so much Achilles embracing again the human customs he had rejected, but instead fully acknowledging the reality of his position and resigning himself to it. I don't think that Achilles "plays" the host, so much as he extends his hospitality to Priam (which, again, very important ideal in the Iliad, it's where the Trojan war started in a way. With Paris violating the Achaean's hospitality and stealing Helen), acknowledges Priam's suffering, and acknowledges how instrumental he has been in said suffering. In that scene, killer and victim become one, and with the insight into each other’s condition comes compassion. And I think that's a powerful statement, and perhaps the most enduring in the Iliad. Soon after that, the Trojans bury Hector, which foreshadows and mirrors' Achilles' funeral as well. This "double funeral" completes the Iliad, and its overarching tragedy.

Now. The thing is that Achilles is a really divisive personality to begin with, and the scene with Priam even more so. He isn’t easy to categorise or analyse, and depending on the lens through which one sees his actions and behaviours, the interpretation could change greatly. Rachel Bespaloff in her commentary On the Iliad (which I absolutely loathe and want to tear in little pieces and burn LOL) says that "to rid himself of troublesome responsibility Achilles ducks behind fatality" during the Priam scene, and that his words to the old king are "scandalous behaviour". If you ask me, this take completely ignores Achilles' own suffering and rejects his role in the Iliad as the idealistic, honourable and rigid in his honour and beliefs young hero who almost completely loses his humanity BECAUSE of the ugliness and pettiness of war, because of that suffering, because of his own grief, because of injustice, because of bad leadership, because violence simply begets violence. And it also completely ignores the larger and overarching idea in the Iliad that death and glory, suffering and good fortune go hand in hand. And that this doesn't only apply to good and noble Priam and Hector, but also (you guessed it) to Achilles, in this final scene which is a moment of shared humanity between "enemies" and one of the most poignant in the epic.

Anyway. To conclude this tangent, no, I do not believe that Achilles simply does what his momma tells him to do, nor does he wine and dine Priam for the hell of it. I believe that this is the most depressed, resigned and desolate we see Achilles in the entire poem, a man simply awaiting his death with nothing really to look forward to in life, but who still retains his humanity and treats the people around him with the dignity and respect they deserve.

I hope this answered your question!

[yanderes-galore]

Can I ask for TFP Megatron with your prompt 57 <3

Of course! Pardon me if it's short. Decided I needed to do more Cybertronian/Cybertronian even though I prefer humans when I write at times. So here's an Autobot darling forcefully turned Decepticon ;)

Yandere! TFP! Megatron Prompt 57

"You're stuck with me, like it or not."

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic (Isn't all that specified)

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Indoctrination, Kidnapping mentioned, Degrading behavior, Forced companionship but implies a relationship, Possessive themes.

It felt bad enough when you learned your insignia was replaced. In your spark you'd always be an Autobot. However, with your capture, anything that made you an Autobot on the outside was removed from you.

That badge you took pride in was replaced with a brand. Your colors even changed to something darker. Soon you'd be forced to be something you aren't... completely remodeled in Megatron's image.

You never wanted this. You never saw yourself as a Decepticon. In fact, you think you'd prefer death.

Megatron himself didn't seem to agree with such a thing.

Your only theory as to why he decided to convert you instead of kill you was to hurt Optimus. Maybe he was thinking of using you to show that Optimus failed you. All you can think of is being used as a lesson.

That's the only logical conclusion you could think of, anything else felt impossible.

You had no idea it was something much... darker.

By the end of your reassignment and remodeling, you didn't look like you. Whenever you saw yourself your optics often drifted to the sign on your chasis. The brand that used to be so painful to you now a constant reminder of your forced allegiance.

Not only that but you often looked at your paint job. The normally bright colors Autobots had was now replaced with muted dark tones. Everything that made you yourself, except your personality and beliefs, was gone.

They may even take those next.

The thought of the Decepticons changing you completely scared you. As a result you've begun to keep your help by perfecting the art of acting. You'd happily pretend to go along with things if it meant keeping what's in your spark.

To you, learning Deception was how you survived living amongst Decepticons. For all you know that goes for all of them, not just dissenters trying to survive. Honestly, you thought you were fooling others despite the fact your room was still a cell.

Your tricks did not go past Megatron.

Megatron had a feeling you'd start pulling tricks. He's seen your files, you're adaptive. You're loyal to Prime through and through, only using deception to stay alive and come back to where you think you belong.

But he can break you... like so many before you.

He's already changed how you look. All it takes is some more discipline and he can fully change how you think too. You're already better off than most Autobots in his mind.

When he invites you to meet with him privately he can already tell by the way you walk how nervous you are. It's almost a little cute, the way you walk like a newly enlisted Decepticon frightened to meet your leader. Don't worry... he'll help you find your confidence...

Right after he breaks you.

"You called for me, Lord Megatron?" You greet him in your practiced voice. The larger Decepticon looks you over, looming over you before stepping closer.

"I see you've been getting along with the rest." He begins, red optics staring into you with a piercing gaze.

"Yes, sir. I'm a Decepticon now...." You trail off, a hint of sadness in your vocals.

"Are you now?" Megatron hums. "You know that means you've betrayed Prime and all the rest of the Autobots, right?"

Megatron grins when he sees the flash of hurt on your face. It was obvious you wanted to go back to them. He hates it.

He'll break it.

"Yes, sir." You manage to say softly.

"You're lying. I know you wouldn't comply to being a Decepticon so early." Megatron sneers, circling you like a shark. "I've done my research. You're way too loyal."

You keep a straight face at his comments. He isn't wrong, you'd die for Prime if you had to. Part of you wonders if Megatron knew that... so instead he decided to dress you as Prime's enemy instead.

Seeing that you're saying nothing, Megatron continues.

"That loyalty will be remodeled like the rest of you." Megatron spits. "Even if you stay loyal to that Prime now, I'll be sure to change everything about you."

Megatron stops in front of you before taking a step closer.

"I will make you my servant to parade around."

He takes another heavy step forward.

"I'll rub the fact I've made you mine in that Prime's face."

He stops in front of you, you feel yourself shake under his size. You can barely dwell on the possessive tones he let slip due to the threat in front of you.

"I'll break the both of you. I'll take it as my own personal victory with a pretty little prize. You'll be loyal to me as my perfect little trophy."

You flinch when he wrenches your chin up, you shrink away under his gaze but he doesn't let go.

"There'll be nothing you can do about it..." Megatron whispers darkly, his eyes wide with insanity. "You're stuck with me, like it or not."

By the time he pulls away, you're nearly crumbling under your own weight. Look at you... your attempts at deception shattered by him getting in your head. You may look like a Decepticon... but you're not there yet.

No matter, he'll teach you how to be loyal to your Lord in time.

Even if it requires pain as a motivation.

[theminecraftbox]

i didn't quite like it the final lore of c!quackity, it's wasn't bad but i think it should have showed what he did after him losing cslime friendship and a live. Like for me it wasn't quite a good end for all his lore

strongly agree / agree / ambivalent / disagree / strongly disagree / don't care whatsoever

I'd agree that LN5 was the weakest of the Las Nevadas series, but I kinda disagree with you as to why. I do not think, for instance, that seeing more of Quackity's aftermath following his death at Slime's hands would have assisted in justifying the conclusion we ultimately got: because the conclusion we are shown onscreen is that Quackity has declined his call to redemption! he sends a few people a youtuber apology and then doubles right back down into the same old shit. Las Nevadas does not fall. Quackity has decided that's his legacy: the country he built on sand with bloody hands. He says he's planning to put the factory to use and make sure Las Nevadas sticks around for centuries to come: which is, yknow, a complete rejection of whatever lesson his death might have otherwise taught.

Which is like... par for the course? In terms of motivation's c!Quackity's got and the remorse he's shown for various actions, he's done quite a lot of bad things for very selfish reasons and without evidence of regret whatsoever. In terms of the people who Quackity has directly hurt... Slime isn't actually one of them! Slime is not Foolish. Slime is not Dream! Slime isn't even Purpled. Rather, Slime is an observer, a victim of circumstance who, once given the opportunity, was able to accurately perceive that even though Quackity treated him well, a) he treated others decidedly poorly, and b) his ideas about power and legacy were both cruel and paranoid.

This is fine as a send-up. This isn't half-bad as catharsis. However, I would argue that it feels a little strange in the context that Slime doesn't know shit about some of the worst things Quackity has done, namely, the entire prison arc.

At the risk of being a pandorolo again, the prison arc is central to Quackity's moral spiral into hell. Which is why it's a bit strange that it was massively underutililized in LN5, and, I'd argue, mis-utilized in LN4.

The point here isn't to say that Dream should have gotten to kill Quackity or whatever. I don't really think that would have been better; in fact I adore the facts of what we got, namely Dream being forced to panic and flee. But just take a moment and compare what we got with Dream and Sam with what we got with Dream and Quackity. I'm not even talking about how much longer Daedalus was than the brief scene we got in LN5; I'm talking about how the conversation in Daedalus was specifically designed for me, kat theminecraftbox to force Sam to confront the moral and practical and emotional ramifications of what he's done and then to decide whether to reject or accept those implications. How does Quackity answer Dream showing up on his lawn? With a couple of lines about how Dream deserved it that Dream doesn't have the time or inclination to respond to, followed by the chaos making any sort of resolution totally impossible.

It's hard for me to conceive of a LN finale that's less coupled to those acts that constitute some of Quackity's most significant actions on the server wrt his moral development. Which kinda sucks when you're doing a denouement of an arc purportedly meant to deal with those ramifications.

[flowerbloom-arts]

You know, after watching 2019 Moominvalley's episode "The Trial", I have been thinking about the portrayal of Sniff's character on that series. From a meta perspective, Hobgoblin's appearance at the end of that episode is the embodiment of Gutsy itself noticing the damage done to Sniff and quickly fixing him with a character development spell.

"BOOM! Now he has empathy! That's the episode's message, if there was ever one. Oh yeah, now there is! This annoying, selfish, greedy creature can now feel empathy for his companions. That'll teach the children and the adult viewers a lesson," so Gutsy proudly claims. Except that said lesson does not feel earned. The need for a cosmic being's interference at the episode's climax feels like a cop out in the narrative, as if there was no better way to bring it to a closure.

This reminds me of the same issue I had with "Mrs. Fillyjonk's Last Hurrah". It's a good episode, well, until the climax. To sum it up: Mrs. Fillyjonk is actually not dead, yay! She wants all of her furniture and stuff given to others back at home. Understandable. One of said "stuff" Mrs. Fillyjonk had in possession a plush toy called Cedric, which was given away to Sniff. Moomintroll finds Sniff and asks him to give Cedric back to Mrs. Fillyjonk, to which Sniff says no as he explains why he is not giving it back.

That scene was meant to be about how Sniff's feelings are not irrelevant, it’s not about his selfishness. He should be heard as well, not ignored, but guess what? Moomintroll ignores him, the message about how people who feel mistreated by others need to be heard, he says some crap about sharing is caring and that's it. That missed the point and the episode could only be brought to a conclusion by Mrs. Fillyjonk giving Cedric back to Sniff after Moominpappa told her so.

Of course Moominpappa is not a cosmic entity, but still, it feels like Sniff is not a character on his own right. He is the embodiment of selfishness, a simplification of a character flaw, and when he stands up to himself, pouring his heart out to Moomintroll, he gets ignored. Like, that's so mean coming from a series about compassion, honesty and other virtues that come from within. Also, the series keep addressing Sniff as this selfish being fueled with greed, but I feel they never explain why he is that way. It's only "Selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff" but never "Why is he selfish? Because he wants to be rich so he can live without taking any risks and be accepted by others," but nah, let's forget that interesting bit of character, forget Sniff as a whole, he is not important and does not deserve anything right.

And that's it. I just wanted to share my opinion on 2019 Moominvalley. I have no drawing requests, but maybe... Maybe 70's and 90's Sniff comforting their 2019 counterpart, that would be nice.

I think the writers at Gutsy has some kind of vendetta against him at this point and I could make a list of dozens of reasons why I think that. Maybe if I rewatch the whole show when season 4 comes out.....

I've talked about the Sniff issue so many times and like. Yeah... They just. Either don't like him or don't know what to do with him, and I hope season 4 breaks the pattern atleast once.

[luvtonys]

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞/𝐒𝗼𝐟𝐭 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐫𝗼𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐧𝗼𝐧𝐬

*𝑅𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑*

Warnings: ⚠️Yandere behavior, mentions of NSFW, babytrapping, mentions of controlling, manipulation & obsessive/possessive behavior, also mentions of murder, violence& mentions of teasing.⚠️

*In this one soft it really just gonna be regular*

—————

𝑌𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑒! 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

☢︎︎⍟☠︎︎ꨄ☹︎

We’re just gonna start this off my saying that he’s a manipulative he will put things in your head forcing you to say how much you need him and can’t live without him. He definitely tries to make you dependent on him always forcing you to ride with him and max but your in the front seat instead. He most likely will caress your thigh while you in the front seat. He’s always controlling who you hang around and banding you from hanging around the gang especially Steve Harrington.

He’ll tease you from time to time wether that be grabbing your 🍑 flipping your skirt up or kissing on your neck and pulling away before things get deeper. Billy is always there to pick you up from a place that he dropped you off at if he ever finds out that you drove with Steve or anybody else he will take it out on you yelling at you and even trying hard to not slap you.

He has very angry outburst so he’ll just walk away before he hurts you but he honestly likes he when he yells at you and you shrink down it lets him know that he has control over you. He’s always manhandling you grabbing you from the jaw or throat and asking you to repeat what you said when you give him attitude and mumble under your breath. Whenever you do give him attitude it’s always meant with either a serve punishment on ‘you being ungrateful’ or him manipulating you into thinking that he’s this perfect guy that does so much for you and isn’t in the wrong at all.

People at school and even the gang can sense the abusive relationship you guys have even though Billy tries to hide it by forcing you to smile when in public. Whenever he comes to pick you up he’ll be by or in his car watching you walk up in the outfit and underwear he picked out for you. If you were talking to someone and said person was bothering you or making you upset he’ll see that and ask you about it if you confirm it he’ll talk to threaten them about it if they continue to stick around you next time then an argument will break out followed by a fight which will leave the other guy with a disfigured face and he may even pay them a visit murder.

If your a social person that loves to talk to people and make new friends Billy will see it as you flirting with people is he not good enough for you why do need to talk and hang out with Steve when you got the best boyfriend ever Billy doesn’t enjoy seeing you interact with other males and he’ll come to the conclusion that you want them so he’ll definitely teach you one of lessons for breaking his rules wether it be sexually or physically physically is him taking his jealousy and anger out on you.

Like I said he’s always having angry outburst when you don’t act the way he wants so he’ll be yelling and doing whatever he can to scare you into submission safe to say that he prob wants you to be his perfect little housewife when your older, the thought of you bending down to his every word and being obedient makes him want to breed you right then and there and it’s the perfect idea for you to never leave the house without him. Billy also will show up wherever you are tracker and won’t like what he sees when you are with the gang and definitely make a big deal about it and have a horrible outburst yelling and fighting with Steve destroying things and taking you by the wrist harshly and dragging you into his car.

Some people probably don’t even know and don’t want to know if they ever see anything they’ll turn their heads away not wanting to be dragged into Billy’s crossfire. Even your parents are clueless since Billy just puts up a fake persona which is very convincing but only you know better then to believe it so even if you tell your parents about him when he’s gone they won’t even believe you being under the persuasive control of Billy. And if you ever tried to break up with him things will get physical and he might even have make-up it with you.

—————

"𝑆𝑜𝑓𝑡" 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

☢︎︎⍟☠︎︎ꨄ☹︎

Regularly Billy will still manipulate you and try to control you like he does to Max expect it’s not as harsh as Yandere Billy but still bad he still doesn’t want you around Steve or the gang he still wants to dominate and man handle you especially if you two ever get married you as a housewife following his orders and rules turns him on.

He’s definitely crazy he’s out of his mind like dude literally needs professional help as a Yandere and regularly still wait for you after school by his Mustang watching you walk to the car in the outfit he suggested you wear. He’ll always ask about the people he saw you talking to especially the guys. Let’s just say he won’t let it go until you answer his question even is he has to play mind games with you while he’s voice gets a tad bit louder as he talks about it.

He does care about you so if you look bothered while a guy is talking to you he’ll bring it up and ask if they said person was bothering you if so he’ll give them a piece of his mind and if they decide to stick around you an argument fight just might break out. Because surprisingly he does care for you just in his own way of how love was expressed in his household.

If he finds you hanging out with the people he told you not to he’ll be pretty calm which scares you talking in a low voice just wait till you get to his house your parents probably don’t even know about it since he has a good boy facade has puts up when at your house but only you know better then to believe it. When he passed you in the hallway he’ll block your path and burden you with questions on who we’re you talking to why haven’t you answered his house calls or why didn’t he see you after school the other day.

Avoiding him bother Yandere and regular become very difficult until you can anymore. Doesn’t have a problem with showing up your current location and making a huge scene. “It’s Billy he can’t see me here or he’ll kill me he’ll kill us” literally. “You disobeyed me, and you know what happens when you disobey me” and now he’s destroying everything in his way beating Steve to a pulp and the person he specifically told you stay away from.

[lifeofkaze]

Scattered Stars

Saturday morning began early for Lizzie. 

The sun had just begun to show its face on the horizon, its first tentative rays filtering into the dormitory, when she gently pushed her cat off her, quietly got dressed and slid from the room with her peacefully sleeping friends. 

The Hufflepuff dormitory was close to abandoned, with only a handful of house elves wandering about cleaning out the fireplaces. Lizzie smiled as she passed them, even more so as her eyes fell on the other person who had just stepped into the common room.

“You’re up early, Captain,” she greeted Orion with a quick kiss on the cheek. “It’s barely even light outside.”

“What’s early for one is late for the other.” Orion inclined his head. “Care to join me to greet the rising sun?”

“If only I could,” Lizzie sighed, only partly as a joke. “I’ve got a full day ahead of me. There’s loads to prepare.”

“An evening of peace tastes much sweeter after a day’s worth of work.” When Lizzie didn’t reply, he tilted his head. “You haven’t forgotten about tonight, have you?”

A smile spread on Lizzie’s face. “How could I?” 

Having given her a short but sweet kiss goodbye, Lizzie pulled herself together and fetched some parchment from one of the study nooks. For now, she would have to put the thought of her date with Orion aside; she had other things to take care of first.

Almost an hour later, Lizzie wearily put down her quill. Preparing the study material for her tutoring lessons had taken longer than anticipated, and the common room had begun filling with students in different states of sleepiness. Her stomach rumbling noisily, she stuffed her notes into her bag and joined the stream of Hufflepuffs headed for the Great Hall, her mind already on the next task on her list. 

After a quickly gulped-down breakfast, Lizzie made her way to the Transfiguration classroom, where a flustered-looking Andre Egwu was already awaiting her.

“Where were you?” he called out as soon as Lizzie had closed the door behind her. “I’ve been waiting for you forever.”

“I’m only five minutes late, at most.”

“Five minutes we could have spent working,” Andre tutted. “No time for squabbling now, darling. The Spring Ball is in two weeks, and I have so many outfits to finish. I’ll be forever grateful you’re helping out with modelling but I do need to ask you to get undressed now. And stop laughing,” he added when Lizzie started giggling, “this is fashion, not fun.”

Over an hour Andre directed Lizzie to try on dress after dress, turning this way and that. They were still far from done, and way behind the schedule Lizzie had worked out for the day. When Andre was finally satisfied, both their patience had worn thin, as had Lizzie’s cushion of extra time. She hurried on to the empty Charms classroom, in front of which Penny was pacing back and forth.

“The meeting of the ball committee is about to start,” she called out as soon as Lizzie was within earshot. Hectic red spots were dotting her cheeks. “What took you so long?”

“I got held up.”

“By what?” 

“Doesn’t matter. Come on, let’s get inside.���

The meeting turned out to be more of a chore than Lizzie had expected. The discussion turned from matters of drinks and snacks to whether Firebugs were a suitable means of providing ambience light. Lizzie grew increasingly frustrated with her peers’ unwillingness to reach any sort of conclusion and earned herself more than one irritated glance from Penny. 

As soon as they were done, she shot out of her seat and from the room. When she arrived at the library slightly out of breath, Rowan had already piled up Arithmancy books and writing utensils all around her. She looked up with a frown as Lizzie slumped into the chair next to her.

“Where -”

“Yes, yes, where have I been, I know. Late, sorry.”

Rowan pushed her silvery glasses up her nose. “No, I meant, where is your bag?”

Lizzie looked down at the feet of her chair in astonishment, half-expecting to see her bag with her notes and parchment standing there. Realising she must have forgotten it either at Andre’s or Penny’s she cursed, which earned herself an indignant look from Madam Pince, and hurried to retrieve her things.

Studying usually came easy to her, but today, Lizzie had trouble concentrating. She was hungry and tired, and the topic Professor Vector had them cover rather complicated. When she was nearly done with her assignment, Rowan glanced at her parchment with a frown.

“Are you sure about this?” she asked, pulling Lizzie’s parchment toward her. “That’s different from what I have.”

“Of course I am,” Lizzie said, sounding more irritated than she had meant to. Rowan had broken her from her thoughts about her upcoming tutoring session. “I did it exactly according to the book.”

“The new part, yes,” Rowan said, shaking her head, “but the base calculations are all messed up.”

Lizzie snatched her parchment back, groaning when she realised that Rowan was right. 

“I’ll change it tomorrow,” Lizzie sighed, rolling up her parchment and cursing quietly when she realised the ink hadn’t fully dried yet. “Looks like I need to rewrite it anyway.”

“We can revise it together if you like.”

“I know what I’m doing, alright?” Lizzie snapped. “It was just an oversight. And I don’t have time anyway, I have some tutoring to do.”

A couple of minutes later, Lizzie arrived at the Transfiguration classroom, once again late. The parts she had prepared in the mornings went well, but when it was time to improvise what she hadn’t been able to complete beforehand, Lizzie found herself becoming increasingly snappy with the hapless students trying to turn their mice into snuff boxes. 

Everyone was glad when the lesson was over. On Lizzie’s part, the sentiment faded when overheard their students whispering among each other as they left the classroom.

“What was up with her today?”

“Snapping at Maddie like that for making a small mistake.”

“Have you seen her snuff box? I swear it still had whiskers.”

Feeling the strange urge to accelerate her steps and bump into the gossiping students from behind, Lizzie let herself fall back. When they were out of earshot, she slumped into one of the cloisters, fighting the tears welling up in her eyes. 

They were right. Her Transfiguration had been awful, but she had still been thinking about what Rowan had said about her assignment, and Penny’s strong case for roses in favour of peonies, and all the gossip Andre had told her without asking and her head was so full that it felt close to bursting. 

The rest of her day carried on much in the same fashion. Somehow, Lizzie was always late, always distracted, and wherever she went, her annoyance grew. Hungry, tired, and thoroughly fed up, she made straight for her dormitory once she was done and curled up beneath the covers to instantly fall asleep.

She woke hours later when the door creaked and light spilt onto her face.

“Oh,” Penny’s voice gasped, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you were in here.”

“Where else would I be?” Lizzie grumbled, turning from the light and pressing her face back into the pillow.

“Don’t you have a date tonight?” 

At that, Lizzie immediately sat up straight, almost falling over herself in her hurry to get changed. Hastily pulling fresh clothes from her dresser, she risked a look at the alarm on Rowan’s nightstand, cursing when she realised the time. Not bothering to give Penny a goodbye, she rushed from the dormitory and out of the common room.

By the time she reached the foot of the Astronomy Tower, she was breathing heavily. Heart still thumping in her ears, she tilted her head back to where the metal staircase in front of her spiralled upwards into darkness. Contrary to when she had first gone up there with Orion exactly one year ago, there was no moonglow lighting the way up but even from down here she could see the stars glittering through the openings in the walls. 

Taking another deep breath, Lizzie began to climb. She had almost reached the top when footsteps sounded on the metal above her, prompting her to stop. A moment later, Orion came into view on his way down. A look of surprise crossed his face.

“Thank Godric you’re still here,” Lizzie blurted out before he had a chance to say anything. “I’m so so sorry for standing you up. So sorry. I just wanted to quickly lie down for a second because the day was so horrid and I must’ve fallen asleep and I… I…”

Before she could say anything more, the tears she had pushed away for the better part of the day finally spilt over. The end of her sentence got drowned in a sob, and Lizzie had never been more glad than when Orion took the last few steps separating them and closed his arms around her.

“I didn’t get to see you the whole day,” he murmured, running his hand up and down her spine in a soothing manner. “As fleeting as a gust of wind.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Lizzie sniffed. “You know I didn’t. I hope you know I didn’t because I honestly didn’t.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“Nothing. Everything,” Lizzie said. She wiped at her eyes, furiously so when her tears wouldn’t stop coming. “Everything I touched today went wrong, and everybody is angry with me, and the only thing I was looking forward to was stargazing with you and now I’ve even missed that.”

“The stars will be here for a little longer, but when your mind is scattered like a pile of leaves you won’t have the mindset it takes to enjoy them,” Orion said gently. “I need you to pull your thoughts together, Chaser. I need you to be here with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I said. Come on.” 

He took her by the hand and led her up the stairs until they stood on the platform of the Astronomy Tower beneath the starry sky. 

“Look up,” he told her, doing so himself. “How far away they are. And yet, don’t they look so close?” 

Lizzie dipped her head back, breathing in the cool night air. “As if you could touch them.” 

“As if they’ve come to tell us something.”

“And what would that be?”

“Listen.”

Sceptically, Lizzie turned her face skywards again and became still. Having listened intently for several moments, she glanced at Orion from the corner of her eye. 

“I don’t hear anything.”

“Don’t you?”

“Not really.”

“Because I do. I hear the rush of the trees below. I hear the wind falling from the sky, blowing around the castle. I hear the beat of my own heart. Don’t you hear these things, too?”

“Sure, but…”

“That means you have arrived,” Orion said and pulled her into his arms, “right here, in this very moment.”

“Haven’t I been here before?”

“Do you think you have?” When Lizzie didn’t reply, he continued, “The whole day, your mind was torn apart, dwelling on things that lay behind you and in the future alike. Splitting yourself up like this, you won’t ever be able to live in the moment at hand, finding balance in all the small wonders surrounding us.” 

“I just wanted to help my friends.”

“Have you, though?”

Lizzie hung her head. “I promised them. I can’t just go back on my responsibilities because I don’t feel like I can ‘appreciate the moment’.” 

“I never said you should. A gust of wind can scatter leaves, or it can blow away the dust and leave behind nothing but clarity. It’s a matter of perspective.” 

“I don’t know about this, Orion,” Lizzie sighed, resting her head against his chest. “I messed up, there’s no talking around it. We all have bad days. It is what it is.”

“One bad day shouldn’t spoil a beautiful night.”

“I’m trying, okay? It’s just not that easy to let go.”

“Then I know exactly what you need.”

He leaned in and kissed her, long and lingeringly. When he pulled away, Lizzie took an inadvertent step after him.

“I might need more of that.” 

Orion laughed and turned from her, and it was only now that Lizzie saw that he was holding his wand behind his back. Before she could ask the reason, he’d already stepped towards the platform’s railing, where two slender shadows had appeared, hovering at knee level.

“You’ve summoned our broomsticks?”

“It appears to be so.”

“Why?”

Orion mounted his broom, pushing Lizzie’s towards her with his foot. “You’ll find out in a minute.”

Her curiosity sparked, Lizzie climbed onto her Silverswift and followed Orion as he steered his broomstick away from the castle. They flew down and away from the lights twinkling in the old windows, staying well out of sight, until they reached the shore of the Black Lake. 

Much to Lizzie’s surprise, Orion didn’t land. He accelerated instead, going so low over the water that his feet would have gone beneath the surface had he stretched them. Confused, Lizzie did likewise. Wind whipping through her hair, she lay flat on her broomstick to become even faster, flitting over the surface of the lake until everything around her was reduced to a blur. 

When they reached the middle of the lake, Orion stopped.

“Look around, Chaser,” he said, taking his hands off his broomstick and crossing them behind his head as he turned his face skyward. “Up is down. Down is up. Earth and sky, both the same.”

Still somewhat sceptical, Lizzie did as he had bade her, and the sarcastic remark on the tip of her tongue faded. 

The wind that had blown around the top of the Astronomy Tower had ceased. The water beneath her feet was smooth and still, a perfect layer of black ink in which the myriad of stars in the firmament above were mirrored. The sight stretched as far as the eye could see, and as Lizzie raised her eyes, the sea of stars continued there, scattered everywhere around her, above her, below her, as if she were floating in the endless vastness of the universe.

“Up is down,” she whispered.

“The world is full of wonders, full of beauty and inspiration,” Orion said softly. “We only need to be present enough to see it.” 

Lizzie pried her eyes away from the glittering star-sea, resting them on Orion and his patient, loving smile. Suddenly, her throat became constricted and she could feel the tears rise in her chest but this time for entirely different reasons. She flew closer to him, so close that she could lay her hand against his cheek. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, “for everything. I didn’t know how much I needed this.” 

“I wanted to show you this for a long time.”

Lizzie’s eyes went soft. “I love you, you know.” 

If Orion was surprised at her admittance, he didn’t let it show. “I love you, too.” 

Butterflies swarming in her stomach, Lizzie leaned in to kiss him but before their lips could touch, a sudden gust of cold water had them break apart. Too stunned to even squeal, Lizzie had just enough time to see the end of a giant tentacle vanish in a big ripple on the otherwise smooth surface. 

Shaking his wet hair from his face, Orion burst out laughing. 

“Something tells me the Giant Squid isn’t a fan of romance.” He chuckled at Lizzie’s dark look. “Let’s go back. This little universe around us may be beautiful, but it sure is also pretty cold.” 

When they had reached the Quidditch pitch and changed into the training gear they had found in the changing rooms, Orion took Lizzie’s hand, intertwining their fingers as they made their way back to the castle. 

“How do you feel now?” 

Lizzie grunted. “Cold and wet.”

“And besides?” 

Lizzie paused and turned her head so that she could see the surface of the Black Lake in the distance. The wind had picked up again, and it was bitingly cold and made her shudder, but it also made her feel the warmth of her cheeks, and Orion’s hand in hers, and how her body was thrumming with the heat of her blood as if there was fire coursing through her veins.

“Lizzie?” she heard Orion ask. “Are you still with me?”

“Yes,” Lizzie smiled, turning her back on the lake and its beautiful darkness and toward Orion and the light of the castle. “I’m here. Right here.” 

[lindszeppelin]

I've been attempting to like K but there isn't much to her. She doesn't engage with her audience despite having a book club and actively telling ppl to join. Speaking of that book club, it doesn't read(no pun intended) as genuine. There are posts on the official book club account that are about her modeling rather than books. Obviously, she's also a model but that's not her main account, I don't even think she runs the book club account. I've come to the conclusion that the book club is nothing more than a way to make her look like she has any sense of personality and like she's relatable/down to earth(even though buying a shit on of books and having the time to read most of them is privileged af if you really think about). It's all about image and exposure with her. No work, no lessons, no earning it. I think a while back I remember watching some cast interviews from "Bottoms" bc I'm Bi and love comedy, anyway, they were individual quick interviews(looked like they were onset in the gym) and I get to her interview. *deep sigh* She mostly talked about how funny Rachel and Ayo are and how much they improvised but something that stuck out to me was that she said she was excited hearing about the movie being made that she sent in a video of herself for the role without ever waiting for auditions to come around and do it the proper way. Which disappointed me back then and pisses me off now that I've seen "Bottoms". The movie itself was kinda boring and every time she opened her mouth I was unimpressed with her attempt. Her character is meant to be flat and monotone, I think? But I'm pretty sure the character comes off like that bc they had to mold it to her lack of acting abilities. Which could have been avoided if they had auditioned for the role. Anyway, the rant is long but I had to get it out! I wish I could just tolerate her at least, but nepobabies make me want to rip my hair out. "Kaia Gerber swears she's a small town girl at heart"...well if she stepped foot in my town she'd run back to the hills out of sheer boredom and to get away from the bigoted folks, lmao. Ah well, I'm done bitching; Have a great day, Lindsay! ^_^

You are not wrong about the bookclub stuff, and everything else you said. It is very common for a lot of actresses to have bookclubs. Literally everywhere you look you see another book club made by a celebrity. And my understanding is that the reason why some of these bookclubs exist is that the rights to the books mentioned in the club are in part shared with the celeb hosting the book club...and therefore if a book featured on the club gets made into a movie that they can either star in the movie or just have the rights to it. it's not always as simple as an author talks about their book. most of the celeb book clubs are the ones where the rights to said book are shared with the celebrity. they basically get dibs on starring in the adaptation. and library science is definitely run by somebody else, not by her.

and yes, she takes up so much space in the industry. other actresses that need their break or need a job could have taken her place and actually helped a lot of these projects. having kaia on cheapens them.

[troutfur]

For my catch-up for today I decided to do another Writer's Choice pick! Await for the second one I'm doing to cover for the ficlet meant for today.

I was reminded about one of my current WIPs and how I was deliberating about whether or not I wanted to take the evil meddie Hawkfrost idea for a spin once again or not. I have decided to do a test ride with him within this universe to see how I feel. Although I decided to take another character to focus on for the third person limited narrative instead of him.

LeafHawk enjoyers rejoice!

(Want a chance to have your prompt be written? Check out my guidelines and send one in! November's still young, only about a third of the way in so far.)

“Something’s troubling you, my chub,” Hawkfrost said as he groomed behind Leafpool’s ear.

Snapping back to attention, the tabby molly saw her own reflection on the gently rippling waters of the lake’s shallows. With the moon as her backdrop she could see the handsome face of her suitor pressed gently against her fuller features. Soon he returned to deep concentration, awaiting for the minnows to gather once again to show her the technique with which he hooked them to his claws.

Hawkfrost had taken her to a a spot where Mistyfoot rarely sent patrols. And in case they got caught he had an excuse prepared. Leafpool had been sent by StarClan to tell Hawkfrost about a rare herb growing in this new territory. And he just had to be taught how to locate it and identify it next time, since Mudfur’s death left them so ill prepared you see!

“So, what is it?” Hawkfrost pressed.

“No, it’s not really anything important--”

As the perfect chance for a catch presented itself he immediately went into alert, his tail twitching behind him as he narrowed his eyes and hooked his claw against his catch with perfect timing. He laid it at Leafpool’s feet and pushed her into him as he stroked her side with his tail. “If it keeps distracting you so much we really can’t continue with your fishing lesson. Better to get it out of your mind so we can carry on.”

She frowned looking down at her paws. ThunderClan’s drama really wasn’t Hawkfrost’s issue to be prying into. Plus it was really just kind of petty. Already Leafpool was feeling silly for how much she’d let it seep into her thoughts. It ate at her how much she was feeling like she was being much too hasty in her judgement, surely if Squirrelflight--

“Or we could just head back to our camps,” Hawkfrost said rather non-chalant, sweeping his tail away from Leafpool and starting to stretch from his sitting position to be on the move.

“Wait!” Leafpool immediately blurted out. “I’m not... I’m sorry I’m not paying attention. It’s just that...”

“Your sister or your father?” he mewoed simply.

“How--”

“Chub, they’re the only ones you get so worked up about,” he replied. “And I can tell it probably is pretty serious. Just tell me, maybe if I can’t give you some advice just thinking about it out loud will help out with whatever your concern is.”

“It’s Squirrelflight,” she confirmed. “This suitor that’s recently been pursuing her... Something about him just doesn’t feel right. They used to be friends as kits but then he got a really nasty leg injury in the journey here and the way he speaks to her nowadays... he’s so rude to her but when I tell her she just won’t listen. ”

“Is it the gray spotted one?” Hawkfrost ventured.

“What?” Leafpool mewed as she ran the possible cats that could refer to through her head before shaking her head. “Oh, no, no, no. Ashfur’s just a friend, and he’s much too older than us anyway. He’s actually Shrewheart’s uncle, her mother’s littermate. How did you come to that conclusion anyway?”

“The way that Ashfur looks at her just gave me a feel,” he replied. “I’ve seen him at a few gatherings before. Next time we’re there under the Great Oak I can show you what to look out for.” Hawkfrost settled from his stretch into a more comfortable laying down position with his paws touching the water as it lapped at the shore. “And this Shrewheart, what does he say to Squirrelflight?”

“Mostly just makes jabs at her, wallows in self-pity, and complains about how she ‘left him behind’,” she said. “I mean, what was she supposed to do? She was going on a quest for StarClan’s sake! They weren’t even mates or anything at the time. Even if it wouldn’t outweight a quest if she did, she had no obligation to him. ”

“Some cats just have a warped sense of what loyalty is supposed to mean,” Hawkfrost mused. “But if Squirrelflight is not listening why waste your breath? Don’t gift your most prized shell to a boar.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Leafpool replied. “That’s a good one you fish-faces came up with, mind if I take it?”

“All yours, my chub,” he said. “I feel like you of all cats around the lake will get a lot of use out of it.”

“For my sake let’s just hope not,” she replied with a purr.

[pikahlua]

I'm not the same anon but I feel like asking, did you always enjoy the relationship between Bakugou and Deku? I like Bakugou and I hated the relationship (still don't like it and I wanted to see Bakugou caring for Kaminari and Kirishima or even Uraraka instead, it would've been much more enjoyable to me), I don't think how Bakugou's benefiting from being one-dimensionally only focused on Deku. Hori's ruining him imho, even if Bakugou gets a powerup his potential is still wasted

One-dimensional and primary focus are not the same thing, anon. I wish you had given me a little more to go on here, because I don't understand what is being "ruined" about him or what "potential" of his is being wasted by your standards. I'm left with only the option of explaining what it is I get out of Katsuki and why that so deeply ties into his relationship with Izuku (regardless of shipping!) to give you an opportunity to point out where you and I are diverging in thought. This is the only way I can answer your question about whether or not I always enjoyed their relationship together.

So, you know, buckle up, kids. It’s time for...

What the Fuck Does Pika Even Like About Katsuki Bakugou and His Relationship with Izuku Midoriya?*

*this post is not an exhaustive list

Did I always like the BakuDeku dynamic? That’s a hard question to answer, because there’s a period of time in the first chapters/episodes of the story I would like to call “buffering.” It’s that time frame after I’m first introduced to the characters and still evaluating the story’s themes and coming to conclusions. I have to take some time to formulate my opinions before getting a grasp on where I think the story is going. I would say the proper timeline on my opinion forming looked something like this:

Beginning through Deku vs Kacchan Part 1:

This was pure buffering. I wasn’t fully invested but had committed to watching the show through the end of what was released (season 2 at the time). As something of a shounen veteran, I recognized a lot of familiar tropes but also noted how they were being played around with, I just didn’t have an idea of what that meant yet. Katsuki Bakugou at this time represented to me my LEAST FAVORITE shounen trope (the stubborn lancer rival character), so I didn’t have high expectations. I related a lot to Izuku Midoriya, but as we got into the childhood backstory of these two, I did uncannily relate to both Izuku and Katsuki as children, and so I was most captivated by Horikoshi’s depiction of that part of their relationship.

Katsuki’s Starting Line:

This was the first episode that took me completely off-guard. Katsuki’s speech at the end demonstrating the logical conclusions he comes to in order to achieve his biggest dream is something that still shakes me to this day. Why? Because it’s the first time I’ve seen a character like this learn his lesson so quickly AND maintain that character development in the story without any regression. All his actions following this speech make perfect sense with respect to his goal. This is the point where I began forming my initial hypotheses about the story and its characters to use as a lens for the rest of the show.

USJ arc, Sports Festival, and Internships:

With my new lens, I engaged in a lot of focused observation and information collection during these arcs. I particularly noted how Katsuki’s words often did not match his actions. The first instance of this I consciously remember is how Kirishima interprets Katsuki’s attitude at the USJ to be one where he trusts their classmates to take care of themselves. From there on, I was dedicated to wrapping my head around Katsuki Bakugou’s character.

I also explicitly noticed how the narrative was rewarding Izuku for imitating Katsuki, so I kept an eye out for moments like these going forward. This was probably the most intriguing aspect of the show to me at the time as I wasn’t yet sure why the narrative was doing this.

Final Exam Arc:

This was the epiphany arc. Katsuki Bakugou Origin is probably my favorite episode of the whole show. Because of my previous lenses and hypotheses I was using, I was able to understand this episode’s implications in full the first time watching it. Before the episode had even ended, my brain came up with the prediction that at some point Izuku was likely to give One For All to Katsuki (Heroes Rising was a wild ride, let me tell you). I can say with confidence that I was consciously enjoying Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship from this point on.

Little manga-only tidbits:

With season 2 finished, I went to the manga and discovered the manga-only scenes where Katsuki tells Izuku he should have killed Shigaraki at the mall and where Ochako tells Katsuki she thinks he’s afraid of Izuku and she wants them to be friends again. Those cinched it for me that yeah, Katsuki fucking cares and he’s just hiding it or unable to express it clearly. A+ 10/10 would tsundere again. (Yes, I’m aware he’s not a straight-on tsundere trope character, I'm just using the term for convenience.)

Summer Training Camp and Kamino:

OH MY HEART. I loved all the kids at this point, but Katsuki Bakugou rose so high in my esteem from this part of the story.

License Exam and Deku vs Kacchan Part 2:

100% sold!! Katsuki Bakugou is king and all other characters shall grovel before his supremacy!

Overhaul Arc:

Long and boring as fuck (it played better in the anime, at least). Sorry, but I don’t need another shounen story about a kid learning how to beat bad guys in a fight. Like, I get it, it works with the structure of the story where Izuku is learning to win while Katsuki is learning to save, but it was LOOOOOOONG and pretty tedious without Katsuki hanging around. I became more of a casual fan at this point.

Remedial Course:

Final confirmation that if Katsuki Bakugou isn’t in-frame the story is probably boring. I fucking love this mini arc.

School Cultural Festival:

Vastly underrated arc. Wait, are you telling me Katsuki Bakugou’s character development has been happening subtly in the background of every arc and keeping this whole story together? Holy shit, time to reread the whole manga!

Joint Training Arc through Christmas:

Absolutely zero character development happens for Katsuki in this arc, and if that’s a surprise to you, let me explain. I predicted 100% of everything that happens in this arc and confirmed to myself I’m absolutely keyed into Katsuki Bakugou’s character progression. It all comes down to DvK2. Katsuki challenged Izuku to beat him someday. Katsuki also represents victory to the whole class, and he has consistently demonstrated a desire to grow and succeeds each time he tries. With All Might’s advice to him at DvK2, it was very obvious Katsuki would kill it in the JTA. Katsuki always wins, so the next stage of growth would be to win while saving people (his team). That just makes the most sense with the story. And Izuku, if he truly has been working hard and growing since DvK2, has to meet Katsuki’s challenge--which means he has to win his match. Anything less and their characters would both have regressed.

My Villain Academia:

Neat concept, boring execution (there, I said it).

Endeavor Agency Arc:

Finally the story’s getting back to what makes it great! (aka Katsuki introspection and personal growth into a hero who saves.)

Paranormal Liberation War:

“All my predictions are starting to come true and I don’t know how to handle it.” In particular, my early hypothesis that Katsuki, in his journey to become a hero who saves, would have to save Izuku--and potentially fail at it, because he’s still got a lot to learn and room to grow, and failure would demonstrate that.

In other words, I got sucked back into the fandom from this point, and everything became about Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship as the rest of the story revolved around it.

So why is the dynamic between Izuku and Katsuki so important to the story for me?

Well, first I have to start with the major theme I think the story explores. To me, the best stories center around a question and then explore it from multiple angles. Whether or not the story offers a conclusive answer to that question is irrelevant (although usually such a conclusive answer feels preachy, reductive, and often detracts from the story). With that in mind, I think the question My Hero Academia explores is:

What is a hero?

The setting is integral to exploring this question, because instead of a story about a hero in a society of normies, the story is about a normie in a society of heroes. The hero society, at first, seems to have this question all sorted out. But as the story progresses, we learn that the superhero society has thought the least about this question, and we see the seams slowly tear apart with time. A society that demands heroes also demands villains for those heroes to face, and so the society assigns the “villain” role to people based on arbitrary factors in order to meet the hero demand.

And the lens through which this society is scrutinized is in two young boys who by all means SHOULD have been great friends but were torn apart by the expectations of their society. As Izuku and Katsuki grow up and navigate this corrupted world, their heroic spirits guide them to their own answers of what true heroism is. Their noble hearts cleave apart the obfuscations of their society and lead them back to each other. It’s a slow burn because they have so much wool placed over their eyes to clear away little by little. The fact that they restore their friendship is a testament to what great heroes they are. And each time they learn a new lesson or achieve some heroic epiphany, they put a piece of their friendship back together.

So to say something like the focus on Katsuki’s relationship with Izuku ruins his character or wastes his potential feels extremely backwards to me. The opposite--a story where Katsuki does NOT focus on or have those interactions with Izuku--would utterly miss the mark and fail to explore the themes of the story. Sure, it’s fun to watch Katsuki interact with other characters, and that sort of “filler” is the detail that helps give a story style. But to remove the interaction with Izuku would be to remove the foundation of the story itself. Katsuki’s growth as a character and a hero uses Izuku’s growth as a jumping off point all the time, and it’s not bad writing to do so (I would argue that’s exactly how Izuku as a main character often holds the story together, by allowing the other characters to learn from and contrast with him). It’s not taking anything away from Katsuki if Izuku is intricately tied into the epiphanies he has. Everything he learns and does and fights for is still just as heroic. I want him to interact with (or just internally consider) Izuku because I know that’s where he’ll achieve the most growth--and that’s where I’ll find the most to chew on. I like all his other interactions as well, but my primary goal is to analyze the story and characters. Literary analysis butters my toast and brings me joy. I want to see how far Katsuki as a character goes, and Izuku owes him a long toss through the air to the finish line.

[murder-popsicle]

Self vs. non-self (and the integration of the Winter Soldier into Bucky Barnes)

As you pointed out in your question, my Bucky has incorporated the Winter Soldier into her self-identity. Whereas MCU!Bucky says, "I am not the Winter Soldier anymore," my Bucky, like 616!Bucky, has accepted that the Winter Soldier will always be a part of her. She's discussed this before with @invncibleiron's Tony -- that Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier aren't two separate personalities.

Bucky has come to the conclusion, looking back on her life, that the seeds of the Winter Soldier were always there. She's always had a certain ruthlessness to her, especially in defense of the people that she cares about. As a child in Brooklyn, that usually involved not being afraid to use her fists to teach someone who hurt her sisters or Steve or her friend Rosie Finn a lesson. She fought by trying to get the bullies on the ground or running away as quickly as possible, even if that meant breaking a nose or knocking out some teeth.

These people are mine. How dare you try to harm them?

Still, when she was young she did her best not to leave wounds that wouldn't heal. But the brutality of the war and the trauma from having been raped, tortured, and experimented on in the Red Skull's factory stripped away a lot of her younger self's qualms about that. She found that killing came easily to her, and also found that she didn't feel particularly bad about killing, either. It had to be done, so she did it -- competently, thoroughly, and without remorse. The Nazis and the Red Skull were murdering innocent people and causing untold suffering for those who survived. Bucky found that unconscionable, so she did everything she could to put a stop to it in the most permanent way possible. Dead Nazis can't kill again.

This world is mine. How dare you try to destroy it?

The pieces of Bucky that would comprise the Winter Soldier were already in place by the time she fell off that train. All that was left for Zola and Karpov to do was to strip away the parts of her that weren't the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier is just Bucky Barnes with her conscience, memory, and free will removed. The fact that she was already suffering from amnesia caused by the fall and her subsequent death made their job easier. It would have taken a lot more work to break a Bucky who could remember who she was and what she believed.

I think it's important to point out that, even as the Winter Soldier, she wasn't a bully. She was competent and brutally efficient, but when she was controlled by the Soviets she always made an effort to avoid collateral damage, and she clashed with her handlers over that tendency on more than one occasion. Alexander Pierce broke her of that habit, but even when she was under his control, she never took any joy in hurting people. She followed orders. She did the job that was assigned to her, because that was all she knew how to do, but she did it without passion or pleasure.

When she finally escaped from HYDRA and came back to herself, she had to come to terms with the fact that yes, she had been the Winter Soldier. More than that, she still was the Winter Soldier. So she decided to make use of that fact. Bucky has always been practical. She'll deploy any tool in her arsenal, and the Winter Soldier is now another tool that she can use. People are terrified of the Winter Soldier, so she'll use the name and the reputation to strike fear into the people she has to fight.

There's also one additional fact that Bucky knows but has never given voice to, which is this: She's seen some of the worst the world has to offer, humanity at its most wretched, cruelest, and most malicious. Based on those experiences, she's come to the conclusion that sometimes, to make the world better and to spare innocents from death and suffering, certain people have to die. And, that being the case, she'll take the responsibility for killing those people, because she can bear it. She knows some of her friends, particularly Steve, would cut themselves up inside over having to make that call. So she'll make it instead to protect them.

[fallen-in-dreams]

CHAPTER SEVEN on AO3.

Chapters on Tumblr: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

Pairing: Gaara/Sakura.

Summary: Her descent into madness came after her friends were all dead and before she was sold off like livestock. To him. He knew a thing or two about madness. And there was peace to be found in the violence of that madness. Even if only for a time. Canon divergence AU.

Rated: Mature.

Chapter word count: 6,917.

Status: Ongoing.

Reminder: the tags/warnings are important.

Warnings: dark themes. Arranged marriage (not what you think). Eventual smut (level and degree of that warning being necessary is subjective). Death. Suicide talk. Self-harm. PTSD – expect some well-known symptoms and some not well-known ones. Please don’t read if you’re triggered by psychological &/or emotional-related trauma and effects.

Enjoy. ^_^

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… Chapter Seven: Fire and Smoke. ...

.:.

In the spring we made a boat Out of feathers, out of bones We set fire to our homes Walking barefoot in the snow

-- Your Bones, by Of Monsters and Men

.:.

Sometimes, being the leader of a village was both a position of power and weakness. It meant he had the power to protect his people. But he was also a target of political machinations. A pawn, when one looked closer. But a pawn to who? The council? His duty to the village? Inter-village relations and political leverage?

His resolution to stay romantically single hadn’t even survived that one.

Gaara rubbed his temples gently, staring unseeing at the reports in front of him as his mind whirred, ignoring the polite cough of the other person in the room.

For the first handful of years as Kazekage he was not nearly as proactive as he had now become. He never used to do much in the way of conversing during council meetings or standing up for himself when the old men slipped back into the bad habit of presuming the worst of him. He’d figured they just needed time. And he needed to become a cog in the system before he could understand how it worked enough to tilt it on its head. There was a pre-existing system in place. A traditional way of doing things. He was young and naïve; a fifteen-year-old taking office, no matter how powerful, did nothing to influence old men who deemed themselves wiser.

So instead of trying to change their minds on day one, he listened. And he learned.

He inevitably came to the conclusion that it wasn’t a surprise when his plan to play the game did not work. All that happened was the council spoke over him. They spoke past him. They tried to take a number of matters that weren’t under their direct jurisdiction into their own hands. Even the members that had stopped seeing him as the beast he carried within. So, if he wanted to be heard, Gaara waited out their tangents first. Or he raised his voice, which was a thing he was not comfortable with, and they knew it.

He’d memorised the law, inside and out. He knew everything that was expected of him. But it took for the literal invasion of Suna, and his own coming back from the dead, for Gaara to finally put his foot down. Because there was still so much that he didn’t know. Unspoken rules. Unsaid expectations. Lessons that only time and experience could teach him. That, and a strange old man who held more wisdom and influence than the entire council combined.

Ebizō-san.

Chiyo’s brother came out of retirement and rendered all Gaara’s attempts to bring the council in line inert. Now the council leader, who only answered to the Kazekage, Ebizō was his shield when Gaara stood up and wanted to talk. Ebizō was stronger than even Baki, that way. Though he still grated on Gaara’s nerves sometimes, his presence was appreciated.

He picked up the report on the top of the stack in front of him and glared at it. Gaara was learning to hate himself again. It was an old, bad habit. But this was more than his typical feeling of guilt at letting things get so bad in the council. His loyalty was first and foremost to his village, and it oftentimes meant making difficult decisions, but he couldn’t think of the last time he’d made an important decision that he hadn’t later regretted. While Baki brought him reports on missions and sly messages from Ebizō kept him up-to-date on official matters that the rest of the council would not approve of him knowing, all Gaara could think about was her.

His Anbu had been correct.

Though he couldn’t bring himself to cast any doubt on Sakura’s person, the evidence was that she had a violent and saddistic streak previously unknown to him or the council. Even the most disagreeable council member did not trust Danzo, and by association, Sakura bore that same level of suspicion. She was so much more damaged than he thought, but the Anbu’s line of reasoning was just how dangerous she was. And he was right. She’d killed that would-be assassin with vigour. With delight. Much the way Shukaku once did.

“It could be a diversion,” the Anbu had wisely added when Gaara stood up for Sakura after that night.

Of course. It would likely have all been Danzo’s plan. Pretend Sakura was a victim, have the Root member be the red herring. Then she gets in under Gaara’s defence and kills him, opening Suna up to invasion or worse. The council were not aware of any details beyond knowing some foreign shinobi had broken in. But surely, they would echo the Anbu’s sentiment if they did know. And maybe order to have Sakura taken out of the picture.

No.

The evidence did not show a causation between the Root member’s actions and Sakura herself, let alone one between the would-be assassin and her. There was only correlation – if you squinted and were biased against the Leaf. His own bias would not allow him to jump on this information, or so the council were saying. Gaara preferred to think of it as more that he was the only one trying to look at this objectively.

Perhaps this was one of those times where Gaara’s naivety was working against him, but he didn’t agree.

And perhaps my loyalty to the trustworthiness of Naruto’s special people is something Danzo is counting on.

There were so many possibilities. And so many concerns to appease. The Wind Daimyo was on him about this as well, arguing that all Konoha ninja were a threat to them. Gaara wasn’t sure what the man was expecting of him, really.

What would I do, if I could go back in time and choose not to become Kazekage in the first place?

“That’s the be all of it, Gaara,” Baki said, bringing the redhead back to his current problem. The man stood to attention, three feet from Gaara’s desk, looking like he was about to implode. Which for him, was just mild consternation on anyone else’s face.

Gaara just nodded, placing the report back down and resting his chin on his hands. This was not going to end well if he didn’t find a way to corral the rebellious members of the council. A minute passed in which he mused on this, while Baki grew impatient, like he had somewhere else to be.

“Will that be all, Lord Kazekage?”

Is that all?

Was he truly doing everything he could? A vivid image of Sakura appeared before him, much like she’d done once, stubbornly standing between him and his intent to kill Sasuke Uchiha. Like Yashamaru. Like the only person who’d ever cared (faked or not) about Gaara’s well-being up until then. He frowned. What was it that Yashamaru always said about medicine?

“What if you were sick?” The words were out of his mouth before he had time to question them.

“Sick?”

Gaara nodded. He might as well get another opinion. Thoughts began to form in his mind.

“I’d go to the medical core.”

Gaara almost laughed out loud at how stupid that made his question sound. It wasn’t what he meant. “I mean… in the mind.”

Baki’s only visible eyebrow rose as his face furrowed in confusion.

“If you weren’t well and needed medicine… for the mind.”

His subordinate scoffed, then schooled his features quickly when Gaara frowned at him. “My apologies. I’ve just never heard it phrased it that way. You’re talking about someone who’s mentally ill?”

“No. Yes.” The redhead sighed. “Maybe. I’m not a medic.” He wasn’t in any position to diagnose her.

“Of course.” Baki looked uncomfortable now. But the gears in his head were clearly turning.

Gaara did not underestimate Baki’s intelligence. He could see him trying to figure out who his Kazekage was referring to. A moment later, his eyes widened as though in understanding.

“There are therapists,” Baki said slowly, instead. “They’re trained to deal with people who have had trauma, no matter how small. You sit and talk about your feelings,” he added, when Gaara looked confused. “But it’s a civilian thing.”

Gaara was surprised. “There are no … therapists, for ninja?”

He should already know the answer to that, as the leader of his village. But he suddenly felt like a first year genin learning something the rest of the shinobi world took for granted. There was so much he’d never been told, being the Shukaku host. Yet so much that was obvious at the same time. Stabbed in one or more vulnerable spots? Go to the medical core. Knocked out by a genjutsu for a short period? Shake it off and forget about it. Tortured or traumatised in the line of duty? Take a day off in the local onsen. Revitalise yourself and pretend it doesn’t matter. It could be worse, right?

Gaara himself had never sat down with a professional to talk out his feelings on how he used to kill people for merely looking at him wrong: it was just something he came to terms with on his own. Something he had to deal with internally. He hadn’t thought this loneliness was unusual. Or some kind of problem. It was just a fact of life, the idea that he could’ve healed another way had never occurred to him, and nobody had been in a hurry to correct this worldview.

This therapy idea opened a world of possibilities for the future, but he needed a solution now.

For her.

“If you don’t mind me asking, who is this about?”

Gaara just gave him a blank look. Baki obediently backed off, but the curiosity was definitely burning inside of him. He was a good soldier. Gaara had never had an occasion to doubt his professionalism. He just had some obvious tells for people who knew him well enough.

“They’re…” Gaara started, wondering how to describe Sakura without giving her away. “…having trouble.”

That was an understatement.

“I presume this hypothetical person is not yourself?”

Gaara nodded.

He remembered the look in her eyes after she’d killed that assassin. The crazed expression that used to look back at him in the mirror years ago. It was unnerving to be on the outside looking in. Not knowing what to do with her was eating at him. More than he could have predicted. And that itself was worrying, but he would worry about it later.

The two men stared at one another until an idea came to Gaara. If he could not magically make a shinobi therapist appear, then perhaps he could alleviate someone of Sakura’s repressed violent urges. He knew from experience how well that could go.

“Baki.”

“Yes, Lord Kazekage?”

“My family’s training grounds…”

Baki quirked his visible eye at Gaara but said nothing, waiting for the younger man to continue.

“Do we have any weapons to spare for them?”

Baki frowned. “I don’t think so, no. Uh, no,” he added hastily, when Gaara raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ll check and let you know. Will that be all?”

He definitely has somewhere else to be.

Gaara decided to stop torturing him. “You’re dismissed.” He noted the relief on the visible side of his former sensei’s face before the man bowed deeply and left him alone. Gaara trusted his former sensei to not repeat this conversation to anyone. Especially to the other council members. They would not approve of what he was about to do.

Giving Sakura permission to use his family’s old training field would be a way of allowing her to vent some of the obvious, pent-up frustration and keep her out of the council’s line of sight. But a training ground with no weapons was about as useful as an empty billiard room with no balls. She could do some katas or moves with the kunai she took from the invader, even without any available sparring partners. It was a start, at least.

The alternative was to let her continue to wallow and waste away. He frowned. Gaara wasn’t sure how to go about procuring a therapist for Sakura, let alone how to convince her to see one. But this was the first step. Perhaps hours of physical activity would wear her down enough to be open to the suggestion.

And maybe once everything was over, this therapy idea could be good for all of his ninja. There was no downside to that, that he could see. It didn’t help him right now, but it was a thought for later.

One step at a time.

.:.

The week ended. A few days after Sakura tore the kunai from the would-be assassin, she had an unlikely visitor to her mental solitude. He’d never gone out of his way to see her before. Twenty-one days on from her initial arrival and not once had Sakura seen Kankuro outside of prearranged moments, like their nightly dinners. Whatever he did all day, she didn’t know, but she guessed it had something to do with village security or in-village missions as he hadn’t left the village at all. To her knowledge. So, what he was doing, knocking on her bedroom door this early in the morning, on a day when Gaara had arranged for her to be free of the wedding planning?

The sun had barely risen and, as far as she could tell, there was no uptick of suspicious activity in the village (or with her Root shadow) that could cause this change to their daily (or weekly) schedule. And maybe she was overthinking it, but it worried her. Sakura didn’t want to be a part of whatever security concerns he might bring to her. Was it about the Root shadow? Had they discovered the chakra trails for her ink creatures? Was she about to be questioned alongside that monkey?

Gaara would send a familiar face to interrogate me before resorting to an Anbu, right?

Standing in her doorway, he was dressed up in his usual long top and trousers, purple face paint across his cheeks and chin, highlighting his eyes, and dark hood in place with its trademark cat-like ears. He’d always given her the impression of a Kabuki stagehand outside of battle, not a puppeteer.

Sakura frowned at Kankuro as he greeted her with a nervous smile, suddenly remembering a short conversation she’d had with him after saving his life all those years ago. She’d jokingly told him he should audition for the Kabuki theatre instead of wasting his puppets, quote, “if they’re going to break this easily”. His puppets (their names escaped her) had just been dismantled by Sasori and she herself had been a part of taking the rogue ninja down for good. She couldn’t remember his response, but the conversation had started with him playfully bemoaning that she’d not only saved his life but also avenged him. It was her strongest memory with the middle child of the Kazekage clan.

Memories of happier times. Sometimes she hated them. She didn’t remember conversing with Gaara back then at all.

Kankuro smiled widely at her now. “Hey, Saks.”

She cringed at the nickname.

“Uh,” he rubbed the back of his head nervously. “Okay. Sorry about the surprise visit. I kind of have something to show you. Gaara’s orders,” he added, at her confusion. “It’s all good, I promise. It’s also outside the mansion.”

Sakura stiffened as Kankuro held his arm in a sweeping motion to indicate that she follow him. She hesitated, eyes widening and fists clenching. This wasn’t a trick, right?

“Nobody else will be there, I promise.”

She took a deep breath, ignoring the fact that he’d clearly figured out how anxious his sudden appearance had made her and followed him into the hallway. He took her down the stairs and instead of heading for the front door, moved through the hall that connected the foyer to the office and kitchen, making a beeline for the other end of the mansion. There was a wider hallway here, with several closed doors, which opened into a spacious room at the back of the house that Sakura could only imagine was once upon a time meant to host guests in a dinner party or something like that. The Kazekage mansion never failed to impress her with its opulence.

Sakura felt stupid, not knowing these rooms were here despite having been here long enough to explore this area freely. She remembered a quick tour when Kankuro had shown her through here on her first day in Suna three weeks ago, but the details were hazy. She’d been running on fumes and was kind of out of it at the time, so hadn’t mentally retained anything he’d said or showed her as they’d moved quickly through the hallways. That was too much to ask.

Now, Sakura glanced at the closed doors of the hallway suspiciously, not slowing down as she continued to follow Kankuro. He led her out the back door outside, behind the mansion. She felt a rush of shame again. In her planning to exit this village she should’ve taken the mansion’s layout into consideration. What if she was here when the opportunity to leave came? She’d need a back door, to avoid drawing attention to her escape.

And for all she knew, there were other exits she hadn’t considered, not including windows or smashing through the thinner parts of the walls.

Sakura was under the impression that the barrier jutsu around the mansion, while it encircled the home and did not stop her from coming and going, created an external blind spot at the rear of the building. She remembered it being mentioned one night, during dinner, but whether by Gaara or Kankuro, she couldn’t recall.

Kankuro stopped in front of her suddenly and turned to face her. She realised suddenly why she was here.

The training grounds were larger than she expected but still smaller than she was used to. A private, protected area would be. Kankuro gave her a few minutes to really take in the sight of everything, watching her silently. There were two sections: one was clearly meant to house weapons, sparring gear, and the likes, but it was empty of the former. The other section had training dummies and targets used in kunai training; all dented and well-worn but still very usable.

She smiled, excitement bubbling up inside of her. Both sections had steep rooves modelled after a more traditional dojo design than she’d have expected to see in the hidden sand. Sunagakure structures used predominantly clay and stucco building materials, but this training ground had a mixture of wood, steel for supports, and grass bamboo.

In a way, it reminded her of Konoha.

She swallowed heavily and turned away from Kankuro as she pushed down that emotion.

Sakura hadn’t been allowed to use the training grounds in Konoha since Danzo took over. She’d been far too busy anyway, off seducing, killing, almost getting killed, having every facet of who she was ripped away from her. Who needed to train when you spent your time hunting, fighting, or running for your life? She got enough exercise then, and plenty of opportunity to use and refine her skills on whatever unfortunate chump had a bullseye on their face and her name on their assassination mission scroll.

And sex doesn’t burn as many calories as people think.

It was no substitute for ninja training, anyway. Sakura glanced at Kankuro in the corner of her eye.

Why did he bring me here?

Was it because she had a kunai now? Were they wary of her? Better to keep your enemies close to you, right? Maybe it was innocent, and someone had decided she deserved the right to train. But there were no weapons here and she could only do so much with one kunai. Especially since more in-depth training would destroy these grounds, easily.

“The area is more delicate than typical ninja training grounds,” Kankuro was saying, as though he’d read her mind. “This isn’t really meant to be destroyed by waves of sand or your enhanced chakra technique.”

Sakura turned back to him, lifting an eyebrow.

“I know,” he said. “It’s more like an exercise ground for the basics. But it’s outside the council’s view and well…” He looked incredibly nervous. “You’re free to use it whenever you want.”

Sakura didn’t know how to process this. A training ground. For her? “Thank-you,” slipped past her lips without much thought.

He just waved away her gratitude. “This was Gaara’s idea, and he and Baki are both busy right now, so that’s why you’re stuck with me showing you around.” He was sheepish.

Gaara? That made her feel better, to be honest. She hugged herself to hide the trembling of her hands. The corners of her mouth twitched, and she didn’t fight the smile that slowly spread over her face. Remembering her last real conversation with Kankuro, years ago, made her want to poke fun at him again.

“Everyone else is busy, huh? You have nothing better to do?”

“Hey,” he said, a hand on his heart in mock hurt. “I have missions too. I’ll have you know I am invaluable in village security and paperwork. Gaara really relies on me and—”

“Right,” she said, drawing out the syllable in a cheeky tone.

Kankuro cleared his throat. “Anyway. This place is limited because of its size, and because all the weapons were confiscated by the council because of the shortage. Weapons are kind of a hot commodity right now.” Because of the Cold War, went unsaid. “But Gaara wanted you to have a way to vent your violent frustration. Not my words,” he said, waving his hands in surrender as she growled at him. “I would never say that… uh. Sorry.”

She sighed. He wasn’t wrong. Sakura let him carry on. Maybe it was guilt or a new bout of nerves, but he was rambling.

“I know it limits how you can train but that’s how it goes under the radar of the council. For the most part. They know it exists of course, but have no control over what happens here. Other than taking the weapons.” He let out an insufferable sigh. “And that Root person,” Kankuro added after a five second pause, sneering uncharacteristically. “He’ll never see or hear anything that goes on in here either, I promise.”

It sounded too good to be true, but Sakura was grateful. She really was. It wasn’t a hospital or a training ground where she could really let loose but it was unmonitored and easily accessible, via the back exit of the Kazekage mansion. She wouldn’t have to leave the property, and be followed by the shadow, to make her way here. And nobody would question where she was going when she did.

Kankuro was still talking. “Uh, yeah. So it’s at least something else to pass the time, right? You can use it for katas or accuracy training. And maybe someone will have time to spar hand-to-hand with you.”

“And you?”

“Me?”

“Do you have time to spar?”

“Right now?” He looked afraid. “Uh, probably not.”

“Chicken,” she said softly and Kankuro scoffed.

“Hey!”

Sakura forced out a laugh. This was an awkward conversation. She’d been having those kinds a lot lately.

“So, uh,” Kankuro pressed a finger to his lips, “mum’s the word.”

Sakura fingered one of the empty weapon racks. “So, this was Gaara’s idea?”

She felt her face flush, like she was a school girl asking after her teenage crush.

“Yeah he’s worried about you. Uh, we all are,” he added quickly as she spun to frown at him. “Of course we are.” He chuckled nervously. “With Danzo being an arsehole and that Root… well, we’re old friends at this point, you and us, right?”

What does he really have to be so nervous about anyway?

She was the one stuck in a foreign village with little to do but twiddle her thumbs and think up conspiracies of everyone trying to kill her.

“Yeah,” she agreed slowly.

Silence. Sakura cleared her throat and tried to think of other things to say, but other than probing Kankuro about his brother, she had nothing. She wanted to know how and why Gaara thought of this, and if he was so worried, why didn’t he come out and just talk to her about it. Her body flushed in an odd kind of excitement that he’d been thinking about her at all. She felt awkward standing next to Kankuro while daydreaming scenarios in which Gaara would join her here for lunch and help her work on her katas.

Weirdo.

She just had to admit her attraction to him, even if only to herself. It would save her a lot of trouble if she could just accept it and then organise it into its proper context. Put it in a box and file it away. No need to be embarrassed about a non-issue. It wasn’t like either of them were going to do anything about it anyway. She was safe. Safe to daydream. Safe to imagine. Safe to wish. Well, maybe that last one wasn’t so safe. No need to get her heart involved.

“Just keep it confined to this area,” Kankuro continued, breaking her thoughts. “And ssshhh about it.”

She nodded. He stood awkwardly for a moment, shuffling his feet, before giving a jaunty wave and verbal “see ya, have fun” before turning to leave.

“Kankuro?”

“Hm?”

She couldn’t look at him as he watched her closely. “Tell Gaara… thank-you.”

.:.

Clammy. Moist. Unwanted hands on her skin. A sick twist of her stomach jolted her out of an empty dream. Sakura couldn’t feel her body as the haze passed. She blinked heavily at the shifting shadows on her ceiling. She squinted. There was nothing. Her body refused to move. Silence pervaded her every sense until she couldn’t stand it any longer. The window curtains ruffled nearby, casting more shadows; her peripherals made them appear as forms of people she once knew, but she knew better. They would never come to see her now. They couldn’t. They were dead.

Why can’t I move?

Something moved languidly toward her. She couldn’t look directly at it. Morphing from the shadows, breaking away from the murk. Sakura’s heart raced even as the rest of her body lay frozen. A pressure on her chest; she could barely breathe. It was a shadow. Just a shadow. Her empty dream was leaking into reality. Or some coalesced body with a human-like form and serpentine movement. It slithered over to her, slowly, deliberately. Her body tingled with panic, and she could feel herself screaming, the breath leaving her body. But there was no sound.

Its movement was deliberate but not angry. As a lover. A friend. A slow burn nightmare. She screamed in her mind. She swore at the shadow, trying to push past invisible binds fucking move before it could reach her.

Suddenly, it reared up, spitting in anger. It didn’t like her now.

Sakura’s vision blurred even as her eyes widened. The shadow morphed once more, this time taking the shape of a kunai above her head, ready to strike. She had one final thought of this is going to kill me before the darkness lunged at her.

Sakura cried out again. Her voice filled the room. At the last second, a stronger tingling sensation spread over her body, and she launched herself to the side. There was no ripping sound of steel tearing into cotton. Coughing, she grasped at her neck, struggling to control her breathing. It was like something was trying to slither up her throat, or crawl; lodged in her oesophagus. Croaking and gasping, Sakura pulled herself along the floor, away from the bed. Her eyes darted everywhere, looking for the shadow that had almost killed her. She wanted to grab it, to pummel the fucking thing. But in her panic, she barely felt her chakra flaring. Nothing came at her in the moonlit room. Nothing flew toward her, eager to finish the job. The bed loomed above her, ominously. There was no way she was going to check over there. Sakura loosened the hold she had on her throat and the pressure of her fear released its grip on her throat. She could breathe again.

Was I dreaming?

No, it had been real. But perhaps more of an illusion.

I am so fucked up.

And she was tired of crying over her own broken mind. No tears came this time, but a painful reminder of her weakness had manifested in a hallucinogenic nightmare. She understood that now, taking a moment to rationalise it and see it for what it truly was.

An illusion.

Her brain and body were fucking with her. There had been no sound of her assailant hitting the bed as it missed her. Nothing followed her as she tore herself from the bed. No smell of blood or death or the fire that raged in her veins. Not even a flicker of chakra in the area. She closed her eyes and focused on trying to sense every person in the mansion, but as usual, it was just her, Gaara, and Kankuro sleeping.

Sleeping. She snorted.

Sakura took a deep breath, ignoring the perspiration on her skin as it trickled down her skin, stinging her. So that meant the rest of her tension was baseless. She took another breath, let it out slowly and pursed her lips.

Here goes nothing.

She crawled toward the bed, stilted breathing and pounding heart. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Tentatively, she pulled herself up to look over the bed. Her imagination of a shadowy figure jumping out at her died at the sight before her.

Nothing.

Nothing. It had taken her foggy, addled brain a few seconds to catch up. It hadn’t been real. Just an illusion. She’d realised that but looking at the empty space on her bed made it real.

Is this because I’m crazy?

“They’re all dead.”

Sakura spun away and fell back to the floor, resting her head against the firm mattress and cursing herself for the fright. She glared at nothing for a moment before finally standing up shakily and pressing her back against the wall, next to the window and looked out over the silent room. At the emptiness.

Gods, she hated herself so much in that moment. She’d endured the torture and dehumanisation of working for Danzou. Survived six months of suicide missions. Assassination missions that were precarious from the get-go. Seduction missions that could’ve as easily ended with her bloodied, raped corpse. And all for what? So, she could end up as a ragged mess? A weak version of her former self? An embarrassment to kunoichi everywhere.

Her mirage appeared through the window, like it was a proper ghost and not just a twisted fragment of her imagination. It hovered in front of her, and she stared back at it. What was she supposed to say? They’d been through this dance so many times. She ignored it. She studied it. Sometimes she responded to it. But it always acted and looked the same.

“What do you want from me?”

It grinned. The cracked teeth and bubbles of blood popping as it worked its mouth as though it was unfamiliar with the movement. Its voice sounded mocking and mechanical at the same time. “What do you want from me?”

Like a record of a voice line. Or a parrot just repeating what she’d said.

Sakura reached out without thinking, her arm shaking slightly as she met thin air, running her finger down where the fake version of herself was supposed to be. There was nothing there. But she could still hear and see it. She could suddenly smell the rotted flesh as though it was a dead teammate standing in front of her, asking her why she was too weak to save them. She screwed up her nose. Was it because she’d tried to touch it?

“You’ll get them all killed,” the mirage said, cocking its head to the side. “You always do.”

“I know.”

If the mirage’s smile got any wider, it would rip its face apart. “And you want to.”

Sakura pulled her hand back. “No.”

It giggled. Her voice sounded alien on its lips. It spat blood with one last giggle, then said nothing more, just watching her. She didn’t know what else to say. Eventually, it must have gotten bored, choosing to turn away with a deep sigh.

It occurred to Sakura that she could get to the bottom of things – namely the cracks in her mind – by conversing with this thing more. Maybe. It was probably a stupid thing to do, to entertain the delusion, given the stench from her current attempt still lingered in the air. But she had been ignoring it for so long and nothing changed.

I need it to change.

“You…” Sakura swallowed heavily as the mirage turned its head unnaturally toward her. “What are you?”

Laughter filled the room. It actually sounded sane, for a few seconds.

“What are you?” It mocked.

“You’re not real,” Sakura insisted.

“I am not fake,” it said. It moved toward her, this time using its legs, taking deliberate steps. “I am truth.”

What did that even mean?

“We are truth. You are the one that’s false.”

“I’m–”

“I was there before,” it said, breathing its foul breath in her face, blowing her bangs with every syllable. “When the electric pokers got too hot. When the pointy instruments pierced your skin, your enemy’s skin.” Itgrinned wide. “When the unwelcomed touch became too much, and you cried for it to stop. When the blood of what you’d done to yourself gave you night terrors. When the pain of their very touch tore through you mercilessly. When their wandering fingers turned into knives.”

“No.”

“You saw me.”

Sakura shook her head.

“Yes. But you didn’t notice until the forest. When you were about to die in a tree stump. That’s how fucking crazy you were. Even before Danzo.”

She licked her lips, swallowing heavily, trying to calm down. This wasn’t supposed to be a list of babbling nonsense she didn’t understand. This was supposed to be answers to her questions. She wanted to know what this thing was, besides clearly being a product of her fucked up mind. There had to be some rhyme or reason behind why her mind conjured something so horrible. The memory of a long-lost entity in her mind did not explain this. This was something else. It had to be.

“How do I get rid of you?” she asked, hating how meek her voice sounded.

Hilarious. Ask a figment how a figment can become nothing. That was obviously going to work. She scoffed at herself.

It threw its head back to laugh. No, cackle. Sakura was not capable of the noise that erupted from its broken mouth. The sound was followed by a loud crash in the distance. Almost like an explosion. Reality settled in on her and she remembered where she was.

Suna.

A foreign village.

Screams.

Screams?

What the fuck? Sakura almost toppled over in shock. There was a loud commotion outside. Further than the edge of the barrier jutsu.

“They’re all dead.”

She ignored the mirage now, moving quickly to the bed, and ducked her head under, feeling around for her lifeline. She grasped it by the handle and withdrew the kunai sharply, not caring if she tore the underside of the bed. It had been used to try to kill her but now it was hers. Now it was for protection.

Maybe under the bed is a bad place to hide it, though.

It didn’t matter. Something was going on now and she would be damned if she was going to be helpless and unarmed when it reached her. If it reached her. She scrambled over to the window, kunai gripped fiercely in her hand. Conveniently, the same window the mirage had drifted through before this conversation began. Her eyes widened at the sight that awaited her through the glass panel.

Suna was on fire.

Gripping the window frame in her free hand, Sakura could see the damage from her high position. It had clearly happened so fast and violently that nobody had been ready for it. That wasn’t the sound of ninja clashing. It was the sound of people fleeing. Smoke rose from multiple points in the village, fire raging unnaturally fast. Too fast. Sakura closed her eyes for a moment, trying to blot out the pitiful sounds that tore through the night. But if people were screaming, they were alive. That was something.

“They’re not all dead,” Sakura told her mirage as it floated by.

“They will be,” it said, “just like you.” It gave one last maniacal grin before disappearing into the wall.

She didn’t want to unpack that. It had been a mistake to interact with it like it had any kind of answers.

Sakura turned her attention back to the chaos outside. It seemed so convenient. The timing. The damage. The direction all the nearby ninja were running towards. She wondered if this was connected to that would-be assassin, but that could just be her ego talking.

Sakura had momentarily forgotten that there was a Cold War going on between the nations. Most of them at least. Probably all. There was no way to tell since hidden villages were notorious for keeping everything so close to the vest. She remembered an attack on Konoha where the bombed building had been so broken that it had to be completely rebuilt from scratch. Officially, it had been an explosive jutsu, but Sakura had heard Danzo talk about an attempted assassination and some captured spy. She never doubted that the spy never saw the light of day again.

She had been out of the village at the time, as she mostly always was. Then there was the time she was fifteen feet from what was later officially explained away by a gargantuan summons that appeared and then magically disappeared in a matter of seconds. Like anyone had actually believed that one.

Even the civilians were aware of how much bullshit Danzo pumped into his propaganda machine. But the alternative was to flee the village and risk being found out to be a former Konoha citizen. There were rumours of non-ninja bandits that Danzo had let get out of hand that specifically targeted civilians.

No doubt the same fear and sense of self-preservation had taken over the other villages as well. The spread of such malignant behaviour among humans was easy. Throw a maniac into a position of power and things always got out of control, apparently. But as much as she wanted to blame Danzo for the entire thing, she knew this was just human nature. War. Power. Control.

The previous wars using the tailed beasts was proof of that.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

Sakura rested her shoulder against the window frame and gripped her arm painfully; the pins and needles from her nightmare were finally beginning to fade, but the imprint from the aftermath was still soft against her skin. But at least it wasn’t burning.

Movement in the Kazekage mansion. Familiar chakra flared like an alarm. Sakura held the kunai to her breast protectively, keeping her back to the door, and ignored the knocking a moment later. Hugging herself against the unexpected chill Sakura also ignored the familiar voice that called to her. They opened the door, and she imagined the surprise on their face that she was standing at the window instead of lying, oblivious and fast asleep, in her bed.

“Sakura?”

She ignored him.

Go away.

After a few moments they seemed to realise she wanted nothing to do with their intrusion and left.

It was so surreal. The air thickened with smoke, wafting into her room. It should bother her, but it didn’t. This, she knew how to deal with. Death, destruction, and chaos. It would have terrified her younger self to hear these thoughts, but Sakura was over caring about that. It almost made her smile.

There was something so comforting in this chaos.

Very quickly, she was the only person inside the Kazekage mansion. She could sense Gaara and Kankuro leave the mansion but didn’t bother to try tracking them. It didn’t matter. They were heading out to stem the destruction. To save lives. And she probably should’ve gone with them, shown that she was still the medic who cared about human lives. That she was worth the care they’d bestowed upon her. But she had no energy for that. No concern. Maybe it was the paralysing way she’d woken up or the exhaustion of directly interrogating her mirage, but she was just done. Emotionally and physically.

It never ends.

The walls of her prison did not close in on her when she noticed the Root shadow nearby. Her grip on the kunai tightened further, but he was not looking at her this time. Like her, he was just watching. They were both watching. Two strangers, outsiders, the same but oh so different.

Both of them just silently and apathetically watching Suna burn.

.:.