#and some songs that were important to queer people at the time even if the artists weren't queer

[glass--beach]

i wouldn’t have gotten into music without her. i wouldn’t have realized i was trans without her. not at all an exaggeration. we started our first band way back in high school so we could spend time with each other. she was the first person i’d send demos to because she knew what mattered and what didn’t and gave me confidence when i was insecure. hell, she’s even the one who came up with the name “glass beach”. she was among the first people i came out to and one of the first trans and queer people i met, when we were both about 12, though neither of us were aware of it til way later.

we could ride the highs and lows together - she had an incredible sense of humor and always brought positive energy to a group but was not afraid to talk about the darkness either. we could get through any pain together by transmuting it into humor and art. she wrote some of the most beautiful songs i have ever heard in my life and it’s a shame she never got the appreciation she deserved for it. she was shy about her music but i would never hesitate to tell her how incredible it was.

i could go on and on for hours and not even begin to get across how much she meant to me. i’ve lost a piece of my heart, of my home. i loved her so much and i just wish i’d said it more. i wish i’d reached out just a couple days earlier. but i know if she were here she wouldn’t let me wallow in guilt. she would show me a way through it, give me something to hold onto, something to laugh about. i have a lot to process in private. i have a lot to process with my friends who knew her well. but it is obvious to me above all else that i need to express the love i have for all of those i still have in my life. to all my friends on this platform, no matter how close, even if we’ve only talked once or twice, i love you, i appreciate you, you are important, you are loved, thank you for being in my life.

[foreingersgod]

I love love love your writing! I was wondering if you could write something about cc dating a pop star, very much chappel roan vibes

y’all must be reading my mind! this is perfect!

Red Wine Supernova . CC

pairing: caitlin clark x reader

synopsis: you’re an upcoming queer pop star who just happens to be dating the hottest player in the wnba (set slightly in the future just for the sake of plot!)

it was off season for caitlin and she was so relieved to have time off from practices and games for a while. she had now devoted all her attention to you, hardly leaving your side these past few weeks. you, on the other hand, were just starting your debut tour. a small one, only a handful of destinations, but incredibly important (and sold out) nonetheless.

yes, caitlin had heard you sing, several times in fact. but she’d been too busy with everything that she had yet to see you perform live, outside of your home studio when it was just the two of you. so when she told you that she wanted to tag along with you for the entirety of your tour, you were practically beaming with excitement.

you had worked really hard on this album and you were thrilled to finally be able to perform it to your growing fan base. you loved performing in the bustling bars of your hometown and the stadiums in surrounding cities, but you’ve always known you were meant for bigger and better things; you wanted to travel the nation and share your songs with so many different people. you were even more excited, though, to have caitlin see you up on stage. something more than just a karaoke stage in a dingy bar with just your guitar and the intensity of your voice. no matter where you sang, caitlin still made it her mission to tell you how amazing you were and how she couldn’t wait to see how much of an amazing star you were turning out to be.

“wow, just…wow” caitlin said, speechless, when she walked into your dressing room for your first show in Chicago.

you, with the help of your entire team and manager, had just got into costume. a purple leotard that dazzled with thousands of hand placed gems. pink fishnets, white go go boots, a matching purple cowboy hat, and a dozen other miscellaneous accessories to pull together the outfit.

you looked up, still trying to pull your leotard into a comfortable position, when you heard her walk in. “hey, i was gonna meet you outside! everything ok?”

“yea no we’re all good,” she looked up and down, lips slightly parted “i just couldn’t wait to see you”

“well i’m glad you came, like the outfit?” your assistants stepped away, sliding past caitlin at the door to give you both some privacy before the show, as you gave caitlin a full twirl of the outfit.

“i love it, you look beautiful, people won’t be able to take their eyes off of you” she said “and if we’re being honest…i can’t wait to take this off of you tonight”

you felt your face heat up underneath your show makeup. “a bit cheeky tonight, i see”

“well when you look so good all the time, how could i not be” she grinned, pulling you into her chest and hugging you deeply before stage management gave you a 3 minute warning. “you’re going to do so good, i’ll be watching!”

“i’ll find you in the crowd, don’t worry” a quick peck on the lips and you were being escorted to the wings of the stage before you knew it.

˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗

“HELLOOOOOO, CHICAGO!!” you cheered into the mic, waving to fans and hyping up the crowd “i’m so happy to perform for ya’ll tonight, this has been an absolute dream of mine”

you gave the classic introduction speech: getting the crowd warmed up, announcing the songs, teaching them the dances that went along with each song. it was cliche, for sure, but you loved it. it felt like you were meant to do this your whole life. once you got rolling, getting comfortable on the stage, the feeling only got better. this was truly a dream come true.

you performed your most popular songs, along with a few of your more lesser known ones, and had the time of your life watching all of your fans sing along to something you had written. you spotted caitlin a few times through the show, watching her sing along too and cheer your name, and it made you incredibly happy to see her support you.

“alright guys, this next one’s a song i’ve been keeping from you for quite some time” the crowd whispered to each other in anticipation “but i think tonight…y’all have earned it” cheers erupted from the audience.

“i wrote thing song a while back, when i met a certain…someone…” you grinned, purposefully avoiding eye contact with your girlfriend “and i fell head over heels for her the second i saw her…so without further ado…here’s RED WINE SUPERNOVA!”

your band started playing and the audience was already dancing and cheering. you were incredibly nervous to perform a new song, and little embarrassed knowing that caitlin was going to finally here a song you wrote about her from months and months ago. but the moment you sung into the microphone, you knew she was going to love it.

through out the song, you gave quick glances over to caitlin, trying not to be obvious while wanting to see if she was enjoying it or not. but you were struggling to find her this time with the change in set lighting.

then suddenly you found her, your eyes meeting, and you instantly noticed the goofy grin plastered on her face as she watched you sing about her. still making eye contact, you continued to sing:

Well, back at my house

I got a California king

you walked over to the end of the stage, with eyes still locked.

Okay, maybe it's a twin bed

And some roommates (don't worry we're cool)

you watched her laugh as she caught on to your inside joke.

I heard you like magic

I got a wand and a rabbit

you pointed out to her and she ran her hands over her blushing face in playful embarrassment.

So baby, let's get freaky, get kinky

Let's make this bed get squeaky!

you blew a final kiss to her, the crowd interpreting it as a cute part of your routine, but she knew you had meant it just for her.

you danced around stage for the remainder of your song, kneeling down time to time to hold your fans hand and letting them sing along with you. when your set ended, you bowed to the crowd and said your finally goodbyes and thank you’s, then quickly running off stage and into your dressing room.

after catching your breathe, you started to take off your makeup and costume, again with the help of your team. caitlin had texted you shortly after that she’d meet you outside the venue so that you could have a little time to talk with your team.

once dressed in a fresh tshirt and jeans, face washed and hair tamed, you grabbed your bags and headed out to find your girlfriend. you found her waiting right outside the venue entrance where she was leaning against a post and checking her phone. she looked up almost instantly upon hearing you call her name and hearing your footsteps against the pavement.

“hey superstar!” she ran over to you, you dropped your bags to the ground as you threw your arms around the back of her neck “you fucking killed it!”

“thanks, cait” you pulled away, smashing your lips into hers feverishly “ d’you like the new song?” you muttered against her lips.

“oh i loved it” she kissed you again “you know…suddenly i’m really into magic”

“is that so?”

“definitely, and i think i got a few tricks to show you back at the hotel, how does that sound?” she cradled your jaw, nipping at your bottom lip. you tried your hardest to suppress a moan.

“take me home, clark”

[beautifulpersonpeach]

so just to confirm, jikookers genuinely believe that in an extremely homophobic military system and country that just reaffirmed the illegality of any form of homosexual interaction during enlistment (to the point that they can face a prison sentence), two queer individuals in a gay relationship would put themselves, their relationship, and their careers at risk by enlisting in the same camp together through the buddy system in which they will have to be together essentially at all times surrounded by other soldiers, supervisors etc for 18 months? there is no private time or sneaking off in the military so jikookers genuinely think that while already dealing with the stress and difficulty of enlistment within itself, jimin and jungkook would subject themselves to an extra stressor of controlling their emotions and actions with each other at all times for that long? like you all actually think they said “yeah fuck it we’d rather be by each others side while facing the risk of getting caught, sent to prison, and having our careers destroyed instead of being separated for just 18 months out of our whole lives”. like how do u think they’d even remotely survive those 18 months?

***

You know, when you put it that way I think you have a point. It's ludicrous to think two queer men can co-habit in the same unit without climbing all over each other and outing themselves. Jikookers must've been deaf, blind, all thinking faculties out to lunch when Jungkook talked about how Seven is autobiographical (the female subject in the song not being just a technicality). Expecting Jungkook of all people to go days, weeks, and months on end without fucking his main squeeze is kinda nuts ngl. Especially when everybody knows gay men are overly promiscuous, deviant, sex-addicted sons of Lucifer who just happen to look good in perms and eyeliner. One glance at all that cake Jimin got in the back and Jungkook will start keening like blue-balled bonobo before jumping him in broad daylight. Right? Perhaps it's a wonder jikook survived 10 years in the spotlight while being in the most hyper-visible group in a homophobic society, even representing their homophobic country in official capacities.

What good is a relationship if you cannot have sex for any period of time, after all? Can you even call that a relationship?

Also, your point about how there's no private time in the military is a godsend because it just reminded me of a curious phenomenon that happened this year. I noticed it happened maybe two or three times this year when ARMYs and even people tangentially related to ARMYs collectively hallucinated seeing Seokjin and Hoseok outside the military base. In fact, this is what's convinced me beyond all reasonable doubt that BTS's fandom is a cult.

Anyway, I'm rambling.

Jikookers must be dumb, high, or both to think it's a good thing for jikook to possibly mean more to each other and still choose to enlist together under the Buddy program. Clearly it's unthinkable for a couple to weigh the strength they could gain by being together, as more important than the risk of being caught in an explicitly compromising situation. It's silly of jikookers to think companionship can happen in all sorts of ways even while in the military; and flat out ridiculous of them to believe that jikook at the end of the day started out as friends, have been through some of their most life-defining moments together, and are still one of the closest pairings in BTS.

Thank you for taking the time to share such an enlightening opinion with me, Anon. Your ideas were persuasive and yes, you have me convinced. It is impossible for jikook to be jikooking in the military ergo jikook must not exist.

[smytherines]

I often wonder if I would feel differently about The Staircase Scene if I had seen SAF when it first came out in 2016. The first time I saw it was probably around October or November of 2023, and like... the context is different now.

Whatever we want to say about the personal story arcs of these characters (and I know I'm in a tiny minority because, for me, killing Owen does not constitute a satisfying close to Curt's arc, that's totally fine), there is the very real issue of the sociopolitical context that this scene takes place within- both in their time (1961) and in ours.

One very cool thing about SAF is that, in order to understand these characters better, a lot of younger queer folks end up learning about the Lavender Scare, about Executive Order 10450- which officially prohibited gay people from working for the US government- for the first time. That's an incredible, precious thing to me. Yay queer history! It's important!

The show itself never addresses the fact that both the US and UK governments had very public, very brutal campaigns equating homosexuality with communism with being a traitor to your country. But if you want to understand these characters, and especially write fanfiction, you're really incentivized to teach yourself some fundamentally important aspects of queer history.

In the 54 Below concert, before singing Not So Bad, Brian Rosenthal talks about how when they were developing the show they thought N@zis were more or less a thing of the past, that they're fully aware of how differently that song might be taken now after an escalation into a more open embrace of fascism in the US. And they're absolutely right about that.

But I think that's also perhaps an issue with the staircase scene, or at least it is for me. Obviously homophobia and transphobia were not "fixed" in 2016, they were still massive problems resulting in violence and discrimination and brutality. But institutionally, at least, you could look at the situation and point to some things that were gradually getting better.

In 2016 trans youth in my state were legally allowed to receive gender affirming care. In 2024, they are not. It's not that homophobia and transphobia went away and then came back, but there was a very real resurgence of the use of the media and of governmental power to inflict pain on queer & trans people and chase them out of public life- bathroom bans, gender affirming care bans, Don't Say Gay laws, trying to make drag illegal, equating queer and trans people with pedophilia. There has been a big cultural shift back towards the same kind of violent governmental moral panic that our beloved Curt & Owen would have lived under.

Whatever we want to say about these characters and this story (and there's tons of fascinating debate there), there is still the base of a gay man killing his ex-lover ostensibly to protect US foreign policy objectives. Killing the man he loves- or loved, at least- to protect the secret that he is gay. And that hits different for me now.

I watch that scene and it is heartbreaking on a personal level, but its also heartbreaking as a queer person who just wants to scream "your government will destroy you for being gay, you don't owe them shit!"

Owen tries to explain that the surveillance network is happening, that the future won't wait for Curt to catch up. Barb has been saying she's working on the same thing for the US government the entire show, but Curt just kept ignoring her. And I just want to say "Curt, honey, what do you think your government is going to do to you with that surveillance system? Do you think you're useful enough to keep around even though you have sex with men? Because I promise you they will not care."

It feels tragic to me because on some level it seems like Curt would actually be safer with another gay man having control of all the world's secrets than he will be if the government he has dedicated his life to gets their hands on that same technology.

And the thing is, having a tragic ending doesn't make the show bad. This show is great. This scene is spectacular. It makes you think, it makes you feel things, it does all the stuff that great art is supposed to do. Absolutely none of what I'm saying here is meant to denigrate the show as a musical or a story or even a queer story. I hope it doesn't come off as me saying "actually this show is bad," because I don't feel that way at all.

Clearly I live and breathe this show. That's why I spend all my time on here analyzing every scene, every frame, every facial expression. I love this show so much that I can't help but deconstruct it and look at all its component parts- including the sociopolitical context both now and in 1961. Because that context, despite never being explicitly mentioned, is important to our understanding of these characters.

I love these characters so much that it's actually pretty difficult for me to watch A2P7 anymore, because the staircase scene is so emotionally devastating to me that it's hard to try to swing back into that more comedic tone (even though Spy Dance is a certified bop).

I'm not even sure what my point is with all of this, other than to say that Spies Are Forever is a show that is great and fun and funny as written/performed, and becomes gradually more emotionally devastating when you rewatch it or when you understand the subtext of it. When you can engage with the themes of gender and sexuality, surveillance and technology, trauma and trust, and tease out even more satisfying theories around this show.

So yeah. It's a musical. It's about spies.

[the-eeveekins]

Why The Witch From Mercury is Important to Me

This will be a long, somewhat rambling and mostly personal thread. It's not about the show's quality or any issues I had about it (and YES, the show is flawed and has issues), but about why G-Witch's characters and themes were important to me and I think many others. Most of this I've already shared to a degree, but I wanted to expand my original thoughts, and put them all into one post.

I've been a Gundam fan for over 20 years, I got into the series with Wing on Toonami and have watched the vast majority of the animated series. As a woman, I longed for the day Gundam would have a female main character in the spotlight of a major show, but honestly at some point I'd given up on it. I just thought that if they hadn't done it by now, they never would.

Then, last March, they released this short 30 second trailer revealing The Witch From Mercury, and showing off Suletta and Aerial, and I was ecstatic! Finally, a female MC in a Gundam series, I was so excited for a new Gundam series for the first time since 00! I watched that short clip countless times over the months in anticipation of the series airing, I even grew addicted to the little song that plays during it.

Over time, the characters and key art were revealed and I saw some people float the idea that maybe Suletta and Miorine would be love interests. I didn't pay it any mind at the time. I was sure they'd milk their relationship for bait along the way, but there was no way they'd commit to Gundam's first female MC being gay. Even after the first episode aired I was still skeptical: There was the bait I was expecting, they're not seriously going to go through with it though.

And here we are, almost 10 months after G-Witch started airing, and Suletta & Miorine are married. It not only wasn't bait, but they committed to it in a way I never would have imagined coming from a franchise I loved like Gundam. It was done with care and respect for the characters, it didn't feel like it was exploitative or added just for fanservice, but was a very real relationship.

I'll admit, I was initially among those disappointed we didn't see a kiss or the wedding at the end, but my greatest fear was the ending would be as ambiguous as possible, or even worse, walk back what we'd seen, so as not to offend people. Instead we got the sister-in-law line, the matching wedding rings, how close they were and they way they looked at each other with love and talking about going home together. We didn't see them kiss or see the wedding, but we got to see them married, and I think that's incredible.

As a gay woman, and a Gundam fan of over 20 years, Suletta is an immensely important character to me. Suletta and Miorine's relationship, and it being a central focus of the story, is immensely important to me. They're things I dreamed of having in Gundam, but never really thought would ever happen. I've been so happy about them for a long time now, but these last two days I've been so unbelievably happy that I was given their story. I love them so much and I'm never going to forget these two.

And this ties into why I think G-Witch has been important to so many people, regardless of how they feel about it's quality, because of it's representation and themes. Suletta, the main character of the show, is a queer, neurodivergent, disabled woman of color. She was well written, and she got to have a happy ending married to the woman she loves, where she's thriving and happy despite her mobility. She's not treated with pity or remorse, and she's still pursuing her dreams of making a school.

And not just Suletta, there were so many characters belonging to different minority groups that got strong representation and happy, satisfying endings. If you're a woman, if you're queer, if you're a POC, if you're any sort of ND, if you're disabled, The Witch From Mercury not only gave you good representation, but also said you're deserving of love, empathy and happiness.

With regard to it's themes, I absolutely love how G-Witch stressed love, empathy, compassion, acceptance and forgiveness over hate, vengeance, punishment and karma. Suletta and Miorine made many mistakes during their journey that they could never take back, but they accepted each other, including their mistakes, and resolved to move on together and makes amends for them if possible. Suletta never got mad at Miorine, Prospera or Eri for the things they did to her and she never blamed them, all she did was understand and accept why they did the things they did, and move forward with her love for them. She accepts the people she loves, mistakes and all, because of her unrelenting love and compassion for them.

Even Prospera, the main antagonist, ultimately rejected revenge for the sake of saving her daughter. She was a less than stellar parent to Suletta, and her actions lead to a heavy death toll, but ultimately Suletta accepted her and her actions to save Eri. And rather than go for an easy karmic death, she was allowed to have a happy ending: Eri was saved, and she's living a peaceful life with her family. A life that was robbed from her 24 years prior.

And ultimately, those themes are why we had an ending where literally no one died, and nearly every character got to have a happy ending. Gundam has always said that violence is bad, but The Witch From Mercury was the first to say "Alright, then we'll solve the problem without violence." We got a big magic spell that was a Gundam Pride Parade in space, and combined with Miorine's actions, events were resolved peacefully.

That's why G-Witch is important to me. It gave me and many others representation in ways you almost never get from a major franchise like Gundam, and without feeling like it was doing it to just check boxes off on some executive's diversity list. It stressed themes of love, empathy and acceptance and rejected hate, revenge, karma and even death. And I think that's incredibly important in this day and age. Representation Matters. Love Matters.

I've been very emotional over this show the last two days because I've been loving it for a while now, and while I'm sad to see it end, I'm so grateful that it happened, flaws and all. I've been crying on and off since the last episode ended and I've had trouble sleeping, but I've been so unbelievably happy over what this one show did and how much it's meant to me. The characters may not be real, but the happiness Suletta & Miorine have brought me is very much real.

For me; Suletta, Miorine, and The Witch From Mercury were truly a blessing.

[https-hunter]

Mean girls (2024) thoughts

(obviously spoilers for the movie!)

- personally, I loved it. As someone who’s been totally (not) normal about the og mean girls movie since 2015 and saw the musical on broadway, the target audience was me

- Reneé Rapp Regina my beloved. She was the Regina I saw on broadway so this was extra special to me

- MS NORBURY AND PRINCIPAL DUVALL ARE A COUPLE?? “Can you run this?” “Fine but you walk the dogs the rest of the week” “I love you” “I love you too”. I’m so glad she found a good guy after her divorce <3

- Janis was such a vibe. Idk she just reminds me of myself in high school but with my current fashion sense. Weird art kid rep !!

- I cried twice. Once when they showed cady in kenya bc I always cry at musical opening numbers and again when Mrs. Heron said September 9th. THATS MY BIRTHDAY THEY SAID MY BIRTHDAY IN THE MOVIE

- When Damien performed the icarly theme song in french like it was a film from the 1930s. That was so real of him

- I think it’s actually really important for gen z to have their own version of this story. The explicit queerness of Janis was great. Waaay less of the casual fatphobia that was rampant in the 2000s. As someone who grew up loving mean girls, but also relatively recently graduated from high school, I can relate to this one more and it felt so nice

- in a similar vein, I liked the use of social media throughout the movie. It felt real, like how teens actually use it. This movie just didn’t feel like it was making fun of teens, like a lot of teen media does nowadays

- It’s so funny to me that they’re just not revealing what Glen Coco looks like. Not even some random extra. It’s just everyone reacting to Glen Coco getting the candy cane grams, but no shots of Glen

- WHY is Megan Thee Stallion giving input to drama at some high school in Illinois?? I love how she’s getting into acting now

- Also. The fact that they get real tiktokers sent me. Why did I see chris olsen in this movie

- The beanie baby 😭 so real for girls who grew up in the 2000s

- Lindsey Lohan being at the mathlete competition was everything to me. It was my version of Tobey McGuire & Andrew Garfield in no way home

- I thought the detail that Karen’s necklace with her name on it was backwards several times. She’s so stupid and I love her <3

- Speaking of Karen, her expressions were so funny. Just like this for 90% of the movie 👁️ 👁️

- Principal Duvall’s still got carpal tunnel after all this time, huh

- When Karen was trying on different Halloween costumes, I noticed that she had one of the tank top with the holes cut in it like Regina had in the first movie. We love to see callbacks like that

- Lastly, it was a good movie! People who say it’s bad don’t know what they’re talking about. They probably just didn’t know it was a musical or anything about the musical. But as someone who adores every adaptation of mean girls (except for the “sequel”), it was great!! Ppl who hate it just don’t like fun ig

[jiminsass-istant]

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE HICKEY

This post was triggered by an anon moving around in these spaces trying to explain away the hickey/bite moment as something trivial. I will save my thoughts on the hickey for the end of this post.

First of all, to that anon- Get off your high horse. Not being a shipper doesn't make you superior. You are probably one of those cringey people cancelling queer armies on tw!tter these days. Now readers, sip your drink as you read this short think piece-

OT7 Captains in the fandom bubble:-

I really don't get the superiority complex of so called OT7s who love to live inside this cute little bubble they have created for themselves or as they call it nowadays:- " a curated tl". Cancelling people everyday and actually driving people away from the fandom. Every bio says "multis, solos, shippers dni". What are you afraid of? Little pixels? I have personally followed solo fbs of all members and boy the things I have found! They can get extreme at times, but it takes 2 minutes to fact-check their claims and draw your own conclusion.

I follow wholesome ship pages too, they are a great way to not miss out cute moments between various duos. If you are blocking them out, you'll be swept into whatever the OT7 decide the important interactions are. 🤷

Have y'all watched 'The Social Dilemma' on Netflix? I would actually want all bts fans to give it a watch. A very prominent tech figure admitted that she follows a good number of Tw!tter accounts that disagree with her to ensure that she gets to see all sides and all opinions. When you deliberately 'curate' a timeline to feed only your opinions, to make a 'safe' space that doesn't trigger you, without letting new thoughts penetrate it..THAT! That's the beginning of a cult.

Army is not a cult for defending BTS or for calling out billboard and other big authorities, but army is indeed a cult with the way they move against people within the fandom.

I said what I said.

With a curated 'OT7 captain' timeline, you start internalising things about the artists that the people you follow want to believe:-

1. All true army are OT7 and non shippers. 💫💫

Sure some of them are. But biases exist for a reason, right? If you think people don't run their bias's playlist more than the other 6, you are so deluded. Spotify wrapped'23 was a prime example. With the solo era, the rise of solo fanbases was unavoidable.

2. Your favourites are spotless, impeccable people. 💌💌💌

They are so not. They date, they make mistakes, they hurt people (like we all do). Heck, they might even offend certain groups of people, unknowingly or knowingly. Being ignorant is also a flaw.

3. Everything they say on camera is true.🙊🙊🙊

Everything they say on camera is what they want you to know. As Park Jimin of BTS, as Kim Namjoon of BTS and so on. And yes, your perception of them should be built based on their words alone, but it doesn't mean that you purposefully stay blind in a way that serves your personal projections onto the members. As Jimin once said " please take our words as they are"(Festa 2022). Read between the lines, and you get- "please do not make assumptions about us, please do not project past or future narratives onto us." No matter how much it makes BTS look like a saint, DO NOT paint them as perfect human beings just because they are your idols.

Once you get into the fandom bubble, you start rejecting all opinions that threaten to puncture that perfect bubble. In that process, you end up never getting to know about how some member promotions were horribly managed, how company delayed certain stuff, the obvious company agenda and different business strategies for different members. It's not about victimising members, but calling out the company when they make obvious mistakes. You do not see when hate against a particular member gets aggravated to the point it affects streams and sales.

And musical preference? The way the fandom just collectively decided that if you hate any song except 'ON ft Sia", you are basically an anti. I have no words.. I'll come out and say: I don't like DNA. SORRY JIMIN. Sure it's a great concert song, or maybe at a party, but it's never making it to my down-time personal playlists. Cancel me?

Top Social Artist?

This is my personal opinion. BTS having a huge presence on social media is both a boon and a curse. While it ensures that new fans are made everyday, the bts social media presence is an uncontrolled monster right now. Millions of insta, YT channels- most of them spreading a superficial image of BTS. It's for this reason, there are so many 'fans' out there who just love BTS for the few members and their visuals. I can guarantee you that they don't even know how streaming works, but they'll be sure to have an insta name like "mrs.jeon jungkook". If you made it to this part, I don't need to tell you how certain ships inducted their shippers through these very channels, spreading misinfo about the group dynamics and a completely manipulated idea of the boys, as if it's not real life, but some shitty bl drama.

While the company is obviously doing nothing about this mess, it is YOUR duty to focus on what's important as a fan and participate in projects that plan to counteract this mess. ( Of course only if you have time)

So..what does the hickey have to do with all this?

When you finally grow out of your perfect pure breed OT7 agenda, who considers this group of men a picture perfect family who can do no sin, you'll be ready to view the hickey/bite mark as a normal functioning member of the society who's in touch with reality.

Did I just write "pure breed"..

Let's say the hickey/bite does not actually mean anything intimate in a romantic sense. Sure. Even I think it was probably not an exclusively romantic thing. And this is coming from someone who ships them, but I do not see them as 2 people who are dating each other (because I don't claim to know their personal lives).

An older person biting the neck of a younger person long enough to leave a mark is NOT A NORMAL LEVEL of skinship. For friends, for family, for brothers. And this goes for Korea as well as at a global level. Not only k-jikookers but also k-armies had raised eyebrows when that happened. If you didn't raise your eyebrow at this, you need to go out more, have a social life, hang out with long term friends, idk.

But I'm sure if it was a man and a woman, you would have already declared that they are f@cking.

If you have observed jikook through the years, they have had an abnormal level of skinship that even surpasses skinship within their own group. Reminds me of the Butter photoshoot behind, where JK's hands so naturally slid under JM's crop top, like it was a usual thing. Now if one of them reacted differently or in a goofy way, I'd still brush it under the rug. But what had me scratching my head was the indifference. How close do 2 people have to be, for someone to SEARCH for familiar skin to touch?! Let's not forget how JK always touches JM's neck like a habit, massaging, holding, or just caressing, usually a little inside the collar.

Now if they were a man and a woman, you would have already declared that they are f@cking.

If you don't at the very least, acknowledge that it's an abnormally high level of skinship, and that jikook are at the very least, a highly interdependent, symbiotic, close, 2 souls-1 body entity, the closest duo in bangtan..then you are the delulu here. 🫵

I would advice such anons to stop visiting shipping spaces if you are bringing nothing to the table. (As I always say, opposing views are always welcome as long as you bring receipts and not hate). Maybe spend some time talking to real life people, couples, friends, you know?

[icyg4l]

PAC: Messages from Your Deceased Queer Loved One

Hello beautiful people! Happy Pride Month! This month has come to an end quickly, but we live on forever! I wanted to dedicate this reading to the people we have lost in the LGBTQ+ community to violence, suicide, illnesses and more. They deserve to live long lives without disruption. As the small pieces of progress rise, there comes more regression which is why it is important to emphasize the safety of queer people everywhere. Any queer person you have felt a personal connection to will be sought out for insight through my True Heart Tarot Deck. Rest in peace to the beautiful angels that have suffered on this Earth. Let’s hope that they have a peaceful afterlife. 

Before I make my temporary departure from this community, I feel that it is important for me to give you guys a proper goodbye. I will drop a couple more PACs before this month ends. But I want to remind you all that I have a Five Dollar Friday Sale coming on this Friday! If you are interested in my sale, please refer to my guidelines. Remember, if you have more than one question, that is an additional $5. I will get to you in a timely manner. But without further ado, please choose the iconic queer film still that you feel most connected to. 🫶🫶🫶

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-4)

TW// mentions of familial abuse, violence, suicide, addiction, illness.

Pile One: Hello, Pile One. Your loved one wants you to know that you do not need to be living the fast life. I feel like I am talking to people who feel like they need to grow up fast. Something significant could have happened to you when you were sixteen or to your deceased loved one. You still have time, there is no need to rush the process. I feel like your loved one passed due to an overdose or because they succumbed to HIV/AIDS. They want you to learn from what they have been through. You do not have to fit in with what the crowd is doing. Be careful when you are out with certain people this weekend. Everyone does not have the best intentions for you. It feels like you need to clean house. Your circle does not seem mature enough to understand the transformation you are about to undergo. You are being protected, specifically by a younger person on the other side. This person passed away about 10-15 years ago. Maybe even longer. They want you to start acting like you care about your life. Let’s change our ways for the better, shall we? This may go unheard until a later time, when you really need to hear it but you will get the message. 

Cards Used: King of Swords, 8 of Wands, The Empress, The Moon, 2 of Discs.

Pile Two: This pile feels very heavy in comparison to the last pile. Pile Two, this death feels very recent, like within the last year or so. This also has some romantic undertones. This could have been your partner, or a friend that you never confessed your true feelings for. This person could have expressed suicidal ideations to you. They admire the way that you took care of them while they were depressed. You took them out of their comfort zone and introduced them to a new life. I am channeling the movie ‘Perks of Being a Wallflower’. I think this person left you with a lot of questions when you died. But they want you to know that you did all that you could. There is nothing that you could have done to turn back the hands of time. What’s done is done. They don’t want you to become obsessive over their spirit, but celebrate all that they’ve done and accomplished thus far. Don’t try to save everyone because everyone doesn’t need to be saved. You will never fully heal from this trauma but you will get closure. It feels like you need to move far away from where you are. It brings up too much drama and bad memories. You deserve to be in a place where you feel safe and grounded, even if it means making the move alone. Focus on moving forward from now. They will always have love for you, even in the afterlife. Even if you move on. In fact, when you start dating someone, they will pull the strings behind the scenes for the union to form. 

Cards Used: The Hermit, 3 of Cups, Ace of Discs, The Empress, The World, 2 of Wands. 

Pile Three: Hello, Pile Three! This is exactly who you think it is. If you have been smelling certain scents or have seen things randomly fall, then this is definitely for you. This feels like a cousin or a sibling. I feel like you found out some stuff about this person after they died and it shocked you. “Well, what now?”, they ask. Are you going to look at them differently? I feel like they had a bit of a reputation, but they’re highly misunderstood. They want you to focus on making peace with who they were. Don’t try to justify their mistakes/choices. It is what it is. Instead, focus on more important things like attaining your goals in the physical realm. Some of you may be in the gym using it as a coping mechanism. Make a goal so that you can beat your PR. Something about your childhood is significant here. Unfortunately, I feel like some of you were victimized as a child by this person and because of that, you don’t know how to view this person through an objective lens. It makes you feel guilty because you feel like you should be focused on the good stuff. You have a complicated relationship with this person, even after death. I am channeling this book called ‘All Boys Aren’t Blue’. The author opens up about an inappropriate relationship he had with his cousin and he addresses his cousin with respect, but still holds him accountable for taking advantage of him. For others of you, I feel like this person is sorry for exposing you to the wrong crowd. I heard “the secret is out”. At some point in their life, they stopped caring about themselves and in return, this affected those around them. They want you to find room in your heart to forgive them. It will be a long and complicated journey, but they have hope. 

Cards Used: 6 of Cups (RX), Temperance, The Moon (RX), 7 of Swords, The High Priestess, Justice, The Star. 

Pile Four: Pile Four, your loved one does not want you to keep up with appearances. Be as true to yourself as you should be. Not all of us have the privilege of being able to come out and be ourselves. Some of us have to blend in and be like everyone else because that’s what we have to do to keep ourselves safe. If you suspect that anyone was in the closet in your family (immediate family to be exact), then you were right. This person was family oriented, so they chose to stay silent about their identity. Plus, it’s no one’s business. But once again, this was not a choice. They feared being exposed or treated as an outsider. But they see what you are doing and they want you to keep doing it. Keep making friends with other queer folks. Go to pride events. You may find members of your chosen family there. You are a bit naive right now, so you might not understand the full complexities of what they’ve gone through. They understand that you could be upset with them but keep the family close. Do not isolate yourself; even if it means talking to two family members, please keep in contact. It feels like this person was a bit of a mystery. So, you should ask about their history. Get in contact with people who were close with them and get to the bottom of their story. They want you to make an altar for them, so you can connect with them. It will make all the difference in the world, love. 

Cards Used: 10 of Cups, Judgment, The Hierophant, The High Priestess, 10 of Discs, 7 of Wands (RX)

[beans-core]

I need to get this out of my system but I can’t write itttt AUGH so here

harry and ron decide to go to the Yule ball as friends

Other people decide to go with a person to the Yule ball as friends too, like Neville and Ginny. So what if Ron and Harry said “fuck it” and went to the Yule Ball together.

I’ve seen a few fics like it, but istg I need something in depth.

It’s pretty taboo (the wizarding world is really behind on all this stuff) but the boys still don’t care.

(Maybe this is a fic where one of Ron’s brothers is queer so he’s a confused-but-he’s-got-the-spirit ally. Harry has never really cared too much about his reputation unless it’s about actually important stuff so close-minded idiots sneering and calling him slurs is like the least of his worries— he’s got a death tournament to survive.)

The opening dance is required, so they dance hilariously bad on purpose, spinning wildly and only not knocking into the other contestants out of respect. Ron dips him at the end of the dance, but he does it way too deeply— Harry’s hair brushes the floor. Harry flings his leg into the air dramatically as he dips, and goes red in the face trying not to laugh when his shoe flings off and goes flying. He’s wearing a pair of socks that Dobby made him, and can feel the dissaproving stares so sharply. It’s great.

For all the homophobes, they fake kiss in the middle of the floor with loud smooching noises and crack up laughing when they see Karkaroff go purple with anger. Snape, who has been busting couples from eating face all night, is mysteriously not around to stop them. Harry is sure it’s only because he hates this stuffy dance as much as they do. But despite this, Harry and Ron begrudgingly decide that they owe him one.

When they decide to dance some more they head to the area that the stuffy purebloods have put themselves in. They (lightly) knock into others this time, flipping off any assholes as they twirl around. Half of the people seem to be offended, and the other half are trying to look offended and failing. The two call it a success.

Harry teaches Ron every muggle dance he can recall, recruiting Hermione once she stops being mad at them for not letting her know about their plans. (They kept their ‘dates’ a secret out of pettiness for Hermione not telling who her date was.)

The three of them make a joke out of every slow dance by doing the Macarena to the slow beat of the song— Hermione is embarrassed once she remembers Krum is watching, but Krum is on board, always down to crash a bougie-people party. Most of the muggleborns and halfbloods are unsuccessfully stifling laughter at this charade, and Harry has to appreciate Hogwarts unity as a few dozen students scattered about on the dance floor, all from varying houses (even a slytherin or two), join in on the mocking-Macarena.

About halfway through one of the slow songs, Hermione whispers into Ron’s ear. And then, oh god, Ron is trying to twerk and does so horrendously, nearly ripping open the ass of his dress robes and still going slowly to the beat. Hermione lets out her real laugh, a true witch’s cackle, as she runs from the crime scene back to Krum. And it is a crime scene, really, because Ron murdered any dignity he could have had left. Harry wheezes so hard he can barely hold himself up, so Ron has to drag him away to the tables for drinks so he doesn’t fall over.

Percy comes up to them and scolds them in hushed tones for coming to an event drunk, and that gets Harry laughing impossibly harder, attracting attention from more people. Ron announces, very loudly and to Percy’s face, that he could cast a sobriety checking spell if he wanted. They were both sober, in an unaltered state of mind, and completely unrepentant. Percy storms off, and they do a completely sarcastic toast to the ministry.

The Weasley twins find them soon after and nearly crush Ron to death in a hug, saying how proud they are of their baby prankster through tears that the younger boys can’t tell are real or fake.

The four boys team up to do one last prank later in the evening: while the band is on break and the music is coming from a dingy old record player, they get a vinyl of cringy muggle pop music from a muggleborn hufflepuff. They replace the disc during the last half hour of the ball, and the twins put a clever sort-of-sticking charm on it so it takes a good while to remove it. Almost all of the attendees vacate the hall and go outside in the cold trying to escape the music— it’s amazing. The band doesn’t back down though, moving their equipment onto a transfigured stage and playing their last few songs outside in the snow. It’s like a fucking concert, and the students who’ve given up on pretending like the whole thing hasn’t been fun have a blast. Everyone is moving now, whether to stay warm or to dance or all of the above. The twins let off some of their fireworks at the end of the closing song, and everyone cheers and oohs and aahs.

As Harry sits with his friends, he feels like a stupid, rowdy, reckless teenager. He’s having the time of his life. He feels normal.

(The hufflepuff who lent them the vinyl doesn’t get that specific one back, but Harry recruits Hermione to buy her a new one, along with another vinyl from the same artist and an ABBA album.)

McGonagall takes 100 points from Gryffindor each and gives Harry and Ron weeks-long detentions for embarrassing their house after she had explicitly told everyone not to. The boys just smile and say it was worth it. She even hears a few passerby’s agreeing. McGonagall looks exasperated and, weirdly, nostalgic.

(They were so reminiscent of the Marauders, those four boys. She herself had to stifle a laugh when Ron and Harry began massacring their public images on the dance floor. Just like Sirius and James, those two.)

[iambic-stan]

Concertina

Writing this story was very therapeutic for me. I hope someone else, cardiophile or otherwise, can get some comfort and reassurance out of it, too.

"I'm not policing what you think and dream," was the lyric I fixated on, though it was only the first verse of the song.  Every explanation of the song "Concertina" I'd read contradicted my own interpretation.  Wasn't it mostly a song about feeling bold enough to be strange, even if it was frightening?  There was applause in the bar when I finished, and made me feel like the risk of a new track selection had paid off.  Tori clapped with the most vigor, as she usually does.

"Girl, who sang that one?" she asked, noting that it was different from my usual selections like Stevie Nicks and Pat Benetar.  I stared at her drink, something with pineapple and gin if I recalled, with this hypnotic red-orange-yellow ombre effect.  Without taking my eyes off of it, I said, "It was a Tori Amos song.  Not a big hit or anything though.  You share a name," I said, lightly touching her shoulder, "You should sing something of hers one night."

"Not if the DJ has anything Taylor," she laughed.  It was fair.  Tori loved to sing Taylor Swift at karaoke, just like how she loved to talk about Gaylor theories, analyze her lyrics, speculate about what her various IG and Tumblr posts might foretell, and scour Stubhub and every other possible site for the least-bankrupting concert tickets.  I was just along for the ride, though I had a couple of her albums at home myself.

"Ok, do something from Lover," I suggested.  

"I don't know.  What if all they have is "YNTCD?" she whined, abbreviating Taylor's divisive LGBTQ anthem from 2019, one that I happened to enjoy despite any criticism.  

"I know you like it, and maybe I'm being a terrible Swiftie, but isn't she just trying to hijack our trauma and claim it as hers?  *Unless* she is gay but didn't want to say so explicitly in the song.  It's great that she gave so many queer people screen time.  I didn't even know who Billy Porter was until I saw the video.  But then again, why did she make it about resolving her beef with Katy Perry?  That was so random.  Anyway, I'll see what I can do...for you, Elena."  She ran her hand down my arm and then squeezed my hand for a second.  She's drunk, I thought, but I appreciated the affection.  Her hand was soft and it felt right--sensual without the suggestion of something more.  I wouldn't want anything more.  

Well, that wasn't entirely true.  I had come to feel at home with Tori over the past year--my first close friend since college who also happened to be queer.  I had lingered longer when hugging her, and since she knew I was asexual, I didn't think she ever took anything the "wrong" way.  At home I had a bright magenta stethoscope that sat on my nightstand, waiting.  But since I'd never told Tori that 1) I loved heart sounds, 2) loved using stethoscopes, and 3) wanted to use one with her, my stethoscope could have been waiting for Godot.  I had strongly considered putting her (the stethoscope--named Alex for my love of Wizards of Waverly Place) in the living room so that Tori could just happen to notice her while we were watching a movie.  But I played the conversation out in my head and felt mortified with every possible script I wrote.  Still, whenever I pictured her wearing the binaurals and listening to my heart, I felt like skipping through a field of daisies.  It just seemed like I was struggling with level one of a video game while ravenously reading walkthroughs of the battle with the final boss I might never meet.  Not that it was a game to me--my love of heart sounds was and always had been one of the most important things in my life.  It kept me sane and grounded, and most of all, it was how I felt close to someone I cared about.

I felt a bit of envy as I watched her throw her arm around the DJ, whose adorable curly head of hair and petite stature brought to mind Jorgeous from one of my favorite shows--Rupaul's Drag Race.  But I wasn't jealous that Not-Jorgeous was enjoying Tori's affection; I wished I could have that sort of magnetism that drew everyone to me and put them immediately at ease.  Trauma had prevented me from being so gregarious.  I watched as four more karaoke singers ran up to Tori, happy to see a familiar face (she was there every week) and get their expected hug.  No, I didn't necessarily want that much attention, I realized--I only wanted the confidence and grace to be completely open with her.

When I heard the first few sharp, synth-laden notes, I knew exactly what song it was.  Tori was deadly serious in her delivery and everyone in the bar turned to gaze at this tall, striking woman who would almost look imposing if her face weren't so soft and kind.  "Combat, I'm ready for combat," she sang, and I was shocked that the DJ would have this track from Taylor's Lover album that we could agree on.  In a moment of accountability that Taylor-haters never acknowledge, the singer tells us she's been "the archer" and "the prey," and feared her propensity for causing hurt as well as her own crippling wounds might make her difficult to live with.  As Tori deftly crescendoed her way into the bridge (I had been given numerous lectures on her distinctive bridges), I felt like my heart beat louder as well.  Suddenly embarrassed, I turned away and stepped onto the bar's patio, my long wrap skirt catching a doorknob in my haste.  I pulled it out and turned to look at the wisteria still bright near sundown and the brick water feature with the goldfish.  There was a couple in the corner deep in conversation, voices so hushed I couldn't make out a single word. That was my last drink, I thought, staring at the crescent moon and the smattering of stars I could see in spite of light pollution.  I felt too much; why didn't alcohol make me numb like it did everyone else?

"Hey, did you like it?" I heard her say behind me.  I turned and saw the sheepish grin on her face.

"Oh, it was beautiful!" I exclaimed.  "I was just out here getting some air is all."  

"I was thinking about what you said last week."  She came closer and put her arms around me as she said it.  My head landed near her chest, and I could almost hear something if it weren't for her thick jacket.  I let myself fall into her embrace.  "I think it would be exciting, actually.  I want to do it.  I've never done that with anyone before," she continued.

I racked my brain and tried to remember what she could be talking about, slowly recalling that I'd had 3 cocktails and 2 shots last week.  There were a few portions of my last karaoke night that I didn't recall at all.  "Wait, what are you talking about?"

She looked at me, her eyes crinkled a little.  Gently, she pushed my hair out of my face.  "You're such a silly drunk and you don't remember any of it," she said, shaking her head.  "You surprised the hell out of me by talking about having a stethoscope and wanting to listen to my heartbeat.  And that you wanted me to listen to your heartbeat.  And I was speechless because that seemed like such a weird, random thing to say.  But then I thought about it and I'm really curious now.  None of my girlfriends ever wanted to do something like that.  Not that you're my girlfriend, but a friend who happens to be a girl, anyway.  I'm down."

I breathed in sharply.  How could I have said all of that without realizing what I was divulging?  My heart was really pounding then, and as if she read my mind, she placed her hand on my chest.  "Oh!" she squeaked, surprised.  "Am I embarrassing you?  Please don't feel that way!  I guess I should've thought you might've forgotten, like that time you went on for like 10 minutes about whether Drag Race All Stars is rigged like you were the only person in the room and had zero recollection of it the next day."  Without really thinking, I quickly placed my hand over hers, holding it fast to my chest.  Her hand so near my heart felt just right somehow.  I closed my eyes and only opened them when she pulled away to check her phone.

"Our Uber is on its way.  I told them to go to your apartment.  Is that ok?  Mine is a mess and Savannah has her boyfriend over, anyway.  He always brings that cheap, stinky weed.  Plus, we could watch more Babylon 5.  I want to see if the praying mantis thing is a 'legitimate businessman' ha."

The N'Grath reference made me smile.  "That sounds great," I almost slur, grinning like an idiot.

Mollie, my dachshund, is almost wider than she is long, so it's a struggle for her to make it up to the couch to properly greet Tori when she comes over.  This night was no different.  "She doesn't even eat that much," I said for probably the twentieth time.  "It's like she just has the worst possible metabolism, poor babe."  I stroked under her chin.

The DVD was loaded, and with the confidence that only alcohol could summon in me, I'd stealthily transferred Alex from my bedroom to the coffee table in the living room while Tori was in the bathroom.  When she emerged, she smiled all big and plopped back down on the couch.  My voice boomed in my head when I picked up the stethoscope and said, "This is Alex.  She was named for Alex Russo, you know, when I was younger.  Well, not that much younger.  But still.  Yes, I know it was a kids' show," I say shyly, wondering why I can't shut up.

Tori laughed and picked her up, turning the chestpiece around over and over again to switch from diaphragm to bell, hearing that satisfying click each time.  "She doubles as a fidget toy, I see," she said.  "Oh what's that?" I had to follow her gaze because I was staring at her chest (not her breasts--give me some credit) rising and falling and could barely think of anything else.  She picked up a pill bottle from the coffee table, one that I usually put away when someone is over out of an overabundance of caution. But I hadn't realized we were both coming back here tonight.  "Spiro?" she asked.  "I used to take that, like in my 20s when my acne was a lot worse.  What do you take it for?" she asked innocently.

I looked up at her, struck dumb and wordless.  We both stared in silence for a few seconds too long, and that was when it dawned on me.  Elena, she doesn't know, you moron.  You're about to ask her to do something intimate and she doesn't know.  Does it matter?  Maybe, maybe not.  I sighed.  This was not the way I wanted her to find out.  What if she changed her mind, decided I'm not one of her girl friends after all?  What if she declared this some kind of "trick"?  What if she got mad, felt betrayed, and blabbed all over social media?  What if it got out at work?  This wasn't something to play with, I realized, and it made me feel like I was suffocating suddenly, imagining all the worst case scenarios. They flicked through my brain rapidly, like someone pressing the lever on one of those retro viewfinders at lightning speed, taking in all of the little thumbnails in a blur.  I gasped and then deliberately began to breathe in and out very slowly and evenly.  I grabbed the arm of the couch as if I was falling.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry.  You don't have to answer that.  It's none of my business," she insisted apologetically.  I could tell she was uncomfortable.  I had made her uncomfortable.  But it didn't feel like there was any escaping it now.  The mood had changed dramatically, all thanks to my reaction to her question, and as much as I yearned for her to listen to my heart and had pictured it many times in the last few months, it was pounding because I was terrified.  She put Alex down on the couch, where Mollie reached over to lick her eartips, and took my hand.  "What's wrong?" she whispered.

I looked up at her and it felt like someone else's voice when I choked out, "I'm trans."  Her brow furrowed.  When she didn't respond right away, I added, in a whispered rush, "I grew up a boy.  I mean I'm not one.  I never was.  I thought you knew.  That's what the prescription is for."  I exhaled loudly, then realized I'd been staring at the floor and not facing Tori.  She let my hand go, almost in slow-motion, and she looked at my body as though she was seeing it for the first time.  Oh god, I winced.  Please don't look for masculine things.  

"I'm such an idiot," she finally said, almost inaudibly.  I stared in horror as she said,  "Why didn't I know?!?"  

I felt my mouth go dry.  My voice was hoarse.  "It's not like I wanted everyone to know," I said.  "It's not like I want to lose my job."

"Oh, Elena!" she exclaimed.  "You weren't thinking it would make a difference, were you?"  When I didn't respond, she wrapped her arms tightly around me, and tears flooded my vision.  "You're one of my best friends.  You're my only friend who will go with me to karaoke, for one," she laughed.  "You're the only person besides my mom who listened to me carry on about my undying devotion to Amari, even after the third time she fucking cheated.  Not my finest moment, but that woman had a hold on me."  I inadvertently let out a snort, remembering her beautiful but treacherous ex. 

She kept one arm around me and reached again for Alex.  "She's probably got Mollie slobber on her now," I pointed out.

"Ha, I'm not worried about it," Tori said.  I watched her insert the ear tips, thinking she had a 50/50 chance of putting them in correctly, and she managed it.  There was something transformative about her wearing the binaurals, and it dried my tears to see it.  She was only about ten years my senior, but in that moment I felt like the child I was always meant to be--one who was free to play how I wanted, with whatever toys I wanted, and just be who I was without being called names I didn't even understand.  She was the older, wiser one who could really see me.  I was safe.  She unfastened just the top button of my shirt and I looked at her face as I could feel the coolness of the metal circle on my skin.

A minute passed, then another, and they were brief but filled with knowing that she could hear me so well.  "That's so cool," she said softly.  "It was fast at first and now it's slow and steady.  I kind of feel like...I know you in a new way," she smiled and looked at my face before looking back down at the instrument.  I felt so happy I thought I could cry again.  She moved the chestpiece around--left and right and center, then between my breasts.  "It sounds different in different areas," she observed.  "Like, the first sound is louder in some places and the second is louder in others."

"You're listening near a different valve each time," I whispered, thrilled that she heard those nuances that most ordinary people don't seem attuned to.  She nodded, the look on her face one of wonder.  I breathed along with her for another few minutes while she listened, and it felt like the sort of connection I only dreamed of feeling, knowing that most people don't "get" this.  I felt almost reborn, and completely satiated. 

When it was my turn to listen, I tried to push past my reservations and self-doubt.  "Is it ok if I put this under your shirt?" I asked tentatively, pointing while holding the chestpiece.  

"Girl, yes!" she practically sputtered.  "After all the poking around I just did?  It's only fair," she laughed.

Mollie jumped up to grab and lick my hand as I moved to place the stethoscope on Tori's chest, and we both had to stop what we were doing to laugh.  When I slipped it underneath her blouse, the sound was clear and strong.  She watched my eyes as I breathed in several systoles and diastoles and it made her smile.  First, I listened for the semilunar valves--aortic and pulmonic, then, gaining confidence in what could have been an uncomfortable endeavor, moved downward to listen properly at the atrioventricular valves--tricuspid and mitral.  Tori leaned forward so I could easily access these different auscultation points.  I stayed at each one for awhile, trying to commit this sound to memory in case we never did this again.  When I was finished, she said, "Wow, that was kind of a vulnerable feeling but not in a bad way."

"You sounded so, so beautiful," I told her softly, and was pleased when that display of raw emotions didn't elicit a raised eyebrow.  This wasn't a night I'd forget anytime soon.

Thanks so much for reading! If you're able and would like to, click here to donate to the Trans Lifeline, a hotline that provides life-saving assistance to trans people, staffed by trans people.

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

3 things:

What's a song, band, album, or playlist you want to shout out?

What are your opinions on pets (dog, cat, neither, other)?

Finally, what's a boring fact about you?

Cheers, have a good one.

Oh yes!

Shoutout a band? SEEMING, SEEMING, SEEMING BABY! They're even on tumblr: @seemingmusic

Their music is great and the lyrics are freaking phenomenal poems and I have no idea why they're not among tumblr's favorites like? "The future will be borderless, and red and queer and bold, for I was born to make my kind extinct" (End Studies) "Dreamt of gutting billionaires... But when I woke, blood was gone" (Go Small) you've got the eat the rich be queer do crime philosophy all over it! "Like a tall tree, I am pining to be taken up by the lightning! Strike me! I dare you! I dare you! Heaven, hear me! Like a mantis, I am praying, out of habit, without saying anything, for the bloody sting of a kestrel come to snatch me" (Remember to Breathe) it's got puns it's got self destructive thoughts it's got vague religious implications which I'm not a fan of personally but you guys seem to love it when it's Hozier. And who can ignore "To the gunmen who guard against all of the starving: God will bury you, nature will bury you [...] To the terrified rich man: God will bury you. To the killers of animals: nature will bury you." (The Burial) like don't tell me that doesn't go hard. (Personally I like to think of The Burial as not a threat but a loving promise. It continues "To the worshipper of justice, the reliance on reason, and the fire in your eyes: God will bury you, nature will bury you, time will bury your bones unseen. Total and absolute. Infinite amplitude. Till all the black is ripe and green." and because honoring the dead and burying them is an important act of kindness, I like to think of this as a promise that no matter who you are, no matter who you leave behind to mourn you, you will be buried. You will die and you will return to the Earth and you will be lovingly welcomed, it is inevitable and inescapable, I promise. I know I already rambled about this when I reblogged that worm poem post but I will keep talking about it because I love it and I don't know how many people actually read it.) There's so much more I want to say but I'm on mobile in bed hours past bedtime and this paragraph is probably already way too long and disorganized so like maybe tomorrow but! Regardless of whether you can listen to the music I highly recommend reading some of the lyrics here: https://seemingmusic.tumblr.com/text

Anyway moving on from minor infodump, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by your second question like are you asking my opinion on pets as a concept or my preferences for having pets or? I think humans love to pack bond with things that are not humans and as long as the human is able to meet the needs of an animal to create a mutually beneficial relationship that's a good thing, but ideally you should opt for domesticated animals (animals that have been our companions for so long they are genetically distinct from their wild counterparts) since they are best adapted to living with humans. I was practically raised by cats living with my workaholic single mom and our cats so personally I love cats and probably have a better time connecting with them than I would other common pets like dogs. Currently mom and I are sharing two cats, brothers, but one rarely visits me while the other is obsessed with me but I suspect this is because a) I always have his favorite snack available (potato chips. yeah I don't think he knows he's a cat) and b) I pet him the way he likes best (which is a lot of rubbing and scratching his spine by the tail intermittent with chin scritches, but he wants you to be firm with it as though he were a dog... again this man is not aware he's a cat).

A boring fact about me... Well easy mode is just "I have two feet" or "I ate a sandwich for breakfast today" but let me try to think of something a bit more personal yet still uninteresting... I have watched less than one episode of Supernatural. Yeah that's boring yet specific.

Thank you so much for the ask sorry my reply is a little messy I was already in bed when I got this!

[jonismitchell]

down bad is gay let me tell you why.

this excellent alien abduction metaphor for love invokes some classically queer themes 1) an out-of-this-world experience when you engage with a part of yourself you thought would be forever dormant, 2) the feeling that someone has just used you as an experiment before deciding they don't want to consider you as a serious romantic option.

in the context of the larger ttpd narrative, down bad is a reflection on taylor's cosmic, fated love turning out to be something that backfired on her in the end.

here's the literal idea of that love being out-of-this-world, something she feels like she's never gonna get the chance to grasp again. worth it to note that it is incredibly hard to cry at the gym if you're actively exercising (simply because the majority of your energy is going elsewhere), a detail that underscores how consuming the narrator finds her loss.

she's begging her lover to come back to her, validate that it was real, give her a sign because no one else is going to believe her story. and while that might be true of people who purport to have been abducted by aliens, it's more commonly true that queer people are forced to downplay the importance and even existence of their romantic connections.

one last note—"teenage petulance" comes up in this chorus, which further strengthens the idea that the alien abduction is a metaphor for a serious gay relationship, given that many gay teenagers discuss experiencing a delayed adolescence (because their first kiss/love/etc. tends to come later than their straight peers)...

"did you take all my old clothes" -> i actually can't figure how this fits into an alien abduction, maybe stealing clothes for research? however, assuming someone presents similarly to you gender-wise, the narrator could very well be describing an ex who either never returned clothes literally or just started dressing like her after their breakup.

her town, similarly to the greyness she describes in fortnight, seems hollow given that her real love has left her. and of course we get the most explicit lyrics reflecting on society not treating her experience as real, and in fact consigning her to being crazy if she tries to argue for its importance.

(and then heavenstruck is comparing, in some sense, love to a religion...)

"hostile takeovers" is of course an allusion to the alien abduction metaphor that grounds this entire song, but could also be pinning some of the blame on the lover for having 'woken up' the part of the narrator that feels she can only live authentically in a queer relationship. describing their exposures (read: advances) as indecent outsources the stigma the narrator experiences in their absence. despite this, she clearly wants them to come back: "how dare you say that it's—" she can't breathe the word over.

the narrator then wistfully imagines another planet where their love could be accepted, suggesting that there were external factors that led to the breakup (or, at least, to how the breakup was handled), a sentiment that comes up time and time again in gay romances (the idea of running away with someone, finding another planet to be understood.... yeah, it's right there).

"how dare you think it's romantic leaving me safe and stranded" suggests that the lover thinks their ultimate act of love is, in fact, leaving the narrator to a ~safe~ heterosexual lifestyle that's nevertheless completely alone.

the song then ends with the narrator asserting that she's never getting over this relationship regardless of anyone else's opinion of it—fuck it, i was in love.

[radiomogai]

sometimes I think about all the queer people of the past who found ways to keep themselves and their communities alive- not just the ones who wrote big articles or were relatively more 'famous'. I mean each and every queer person who has in any way recorded their identity, refused to let time erase them, even if it was in the smallest way, to keep themselves and their queer community alive. all the small, different little ways that we'll never even know about all of them, those are the archivists who kept queer history alive and know we remember their contributions even if we don't know them personally? we remember it through the impact. the same is even more true for every indigenous person who has contributed to language conservation programs, to archival work of the culture colonizers never erased, only thought they did...

does it ever hit you that you are part of that legacy, that y'all are keeping the work of past 'archivists' alive? queer communities, indigenous communities, they adapt and they survive and you are a wonderful part of that legacy. y'all should be so proud of yourselves for being part of that, even if it sometimes feels pointless or small. because i'm sure there have been countless times that queer and indigenous people have felt that way too about their resistance. and I know internet blogging is of course not the same as resistance. but I think y'all should know that you are wonderful and everything you do is worth it- and not just worth it, it is part of such a beautiful legacy of you and your intersectional history. y'all continually amaze me with your dedication and I think you truly deserve to know how important y'all are and that there are queer and indigenous people who are no longer here anymore, who are proud of you for being so invested in your communities and in persevering. so I hope y'all feel that truly, you are not just blogging pointless terms, you are part of such a beautiful legacy of queer and indigenous resistance, even if it seems small. I truly love y'all, you're amazing.

This makes me want to cry, in a really, really good way.

We do think about it. We think about it a lot. We think a lot about how everything around is the result of knowledge being passed from person to person, built on each other. We think a lot about the fact that everything around us comes from people, people with loved ones, people with a favourite food, people who got songs stuck in their head and people who had moments of self-discovery and people who had to be taught everything they know by somebody else. We think about how we’re far from the first Métis person to use our sash to carry berries, we think about how a friend of ours showed us how to do it and how someone showed them and how someone spent hours on our sash and someone had to teach them how to do it and someone had to gather the materials for it. We think about labels built off of other labels and how many people have contributed to the conversations that led to words like queer and gay and xenogender being used the way they are now, how someone had to teach each of them what those words mean, how everyone has thought something different about them even if they never wrote it down. We think about how someone had to teach us how to use a computer when we were a child and how in some way that led to us learning about queerness and surrounding ourselfves in it, about how our self-discovery has led to our archival work and about how that work has led others to their own self-discovery, how they in that way are impacted by the fact that someone taught us how to use a computer. We like to follow things back as far as they will go, knowing that there’s always another step just behind the one we look at now.

The fact that we can sit here reblogging terms is thanks to coiners, is thanks to the artists who first made pride flags, is thanks to activists, is thanks to parents, is thanks to everyday people living openly as queer, is thanks to everyone who’s looked at queerphobia and said that isn’t acceptable and did something about it. The fact that we can sit here as a Métis person is thanks to our ancestors who lived and died and passed on history, is thanks to translators and mothers and grandmothers and family, is thanks to other Native bloggers, is thanks to Indigenous teenagers sharing with each other what little they know, is thanks to every Native who’s refused to cut their hair. We think about it a lot, the people who have impacted the world we’re in, who have impacted us without ever knowing it. We think about the people we’ve impacted without ever knowing it, knowing that the messages and asks we’ve received are only a small portion of those we’ve helped.

Sometimes we see tagging systems inspired by ours. People casually using words that we helped to dig up, or that we coined, or that we helped make common. It’s one of the greatest feelings we’ve ever had the privilege to experience.

[sequestered-song-skirmish]

Round 3 Poll 13

Use My Fkn Pronouns：　「I first met Allegra on the bus in 8th grade. I thought they were cool, but I didn't approach them for a couple months because I couldn't figure out if they were a boy or a girl. When I finally did talk to them, they told me they were nonbinary and explained what that meant. They asked me why knowing their gender was so important to me that I was afraid to talk to them, and that question spurred a series of epiphanies that lead me to who I am today.

The conversation moved on. We giggled about how mad their mom was that an *allergy medication* of all things used the same name just a couple years after she had her baby. They told me that they were a guitarist and that someday they were gonna be a rockstar. I said that when it happens, people will finally think of the musician first and not the medication, and we cheered.

Being openly gay and trans in a red state is fucking daunting now, but it was even moreso a decade ago. Allegra was *the* out queer kid in our class. Having the grit to withstand that kind of social abuse while remaining a goofy and deeply kind person speaks to their character. They used their music to carve out a precedent for the classes below us: showing them a queer person can be out and well-liked and successful while still having personal boundaries. Even here.

Next month they'll be onstage performing at the biggest music festival in the state. The song I submitted is the flagship single from their second album. It's about how tiring it gets to have to ask for simple respect all day every day. It's at about 3,600 some streams on spotify now, which puts it above the stream limit. (I submitted Windmill, a personal favorite of mine off the same album, as a backup.)

I think Use My Fkn Pronouns should be included in this bracket because it represents my friend standing on a stage and singing out to thousands of people, in the face of a government that is actively trying to erase them, that their life and experiences have value. They're gonna stand up there and BE the role model we needed when we were kids, and they're gonna fucking rock while they do it.

Even if it doesn't win, I want everyone to know that I am so, so proud to be their friend.」

Fang into Vein：　「okay listen.

Not only is this a chilling and beautiful song about vampires (the way he sings "it means nothing to me" the first time?! HOLY SHIT) it also is by someone so fantastic I don't have words for it.

So he is a Trans Elder TM, he is iconic for many reasons but most of all because he transitioned publicly in his mid 40s after having an established career and EXPLAINED THAT HE IS A CHANGELING, that a faerie had lived his life for him under a glamour while he the real boy had been kept in faerieland! It's the best metaphor of all time and he has stuck to it for 15 years no matter how much it baffles cis people. Also he is kind and thoughtful and if he were a spiritual leader I would follow him. Might be too popular for this bracket but this song only has 1.7k plays on youtube (I can't check spotify because I don't have a computer)... so, thank you for your consideration!」

[marcussour]

Sadly, yesterday chilean music icon Cecilia passed away at 79 years old after a sudden illness, and I wanted to take a moment to write something regarding what an important figure she was to chilean music and culture in general.

Mireya Cecilia Ramona Pantoja Levi, known just as Cecilia -nicknamed “la incomparable” (the unmatched)- was a jewish chilean singer. Even though she started her career in the 50′s in her hometown of Tomé, she rose to prominence and stardom in the early 60′s as part of a movement that was known as the chilean “new wave”, that was basically a bunch of artists that took the rock n roll and twist anthems of the 50′s and 60′s and made versions in spanish (often more softened or “tame” versions of the most sugestive songs), that was part of a bigger movement of the same name that happened in almost all of Spain and Latin America.

But Cecilia was special because she always distanced herself from her peers, first by making her own music, and second, by singing songs made famous by spanish and italian artists, instead of usamerican or british ones. Those songs were also more romantic and sad than was the norm back then, to the point that now she’s known as an icon of the “cebolla” music (”onion music”, basically sad songs that made you cry). 

She was also special because of her looks: she had shorter hair and she mostly wore pants or suits similar to the ones Elvis wore in the 60′s and 70′s, all of this at a time when chilean society was even more conservative than today, to the point that her looks and her onstage dancing (that included her signature move, called “beso de taquito”, where she basically sent a kiss flying by doing a move similar to a football heel kick) brought her outrage and criticism from chilean society (there’s a well known episode where she performed at the Viña del Mar’s festival, the most famous music event of Chile, and they tried to censor her).

The things she did and the music she sang kinda made her an outlier between the more tame artists on the chilean new wave. But it was also what made her stand out, not only as a musical icon, but as a feminist and countercultural one: she was friends with some of Chile’s musical legends like folklorist Violeta Parra and singer/theater director Victor Jara (she even made covers of popular songs of both artists). She also founded her own record label during Allende’s government.

Sadly, with the US backed coup of 1973 and the arrival of Pinochet’s dictatorship, Cecilia had to move to a more underground life, partly due to her perceived political sympathies (it’s a well known fact that in the 80′s she was accused of fraud and spent time in jail as part of a political prosecution by the dictatorship because she was seen as “a communist” due to her having a cover of Violeta Parra’s legendary song “Gracias a la Vida”, even though she always referred to herself as an “apolitical” figure). It’s also worth noting that most of the chilean new wave artists were figures that aligned themselves with Pinochet’s dictatorship, either by conviction or convenience, and she was one of the few that refused, which is one of the reasons why she was removed from public eye.

When Chile’s buoyant night life disappeared under curfews and the perils of the dictatorship, Cecilia moved to perform in underground nightclubs, where she became an icon and a cult figure for other audiences: queer people and sex workers (in one of her last interviews, she said she was “the queen of the gays and the ladies of the night”).

With the return of democracy, her figure grew in stature not only among older generations, but also the newer ones, who not only saw in her a music legend, but a feminist icon and an important ally of the LGBTQIA+ community (besides her express support for queer people, there has been speculation for years regarding her sexual orientation due to the fact that she never married, never had a public romance or partner, nor did she had children; even when asked about her sexual orientation, she always kept it hidden due to wanting to have a private life -she once said that even if she was a lesbian, that’s part of her privacy and not something for the public to know-).

Well known chilean artists like Mon Laferte (with whom she recorded a duet), Anita Thijoux, Álvaro Henríquez, Los Bunkers and Javiera Mena always expressed admiration towards her figure. She also received in 2016 the presidential music award, the official award where the chilean government recognizes musicians for their contributions to chilean society.

Even now in death, thousands of people have come to her wake to say their final goodbyes to a musical legend, usually by singing along their songs. It’s a fitting tribute, after all, she stated that one of her final wishes was that, after she died, she wanted to be remembered and celebrated like a party.

Here are some of her most well known songs:

Tango de las Rosas

Puré de Papas

Baño de Mar a Medianoche

Un Compromiso

[georgieluz]

Hey Jules! 2, 9, 14, 19, 24, and 28 for the HBO War positivity ask game please ☺️

hi lou!! ofc ofc!! :)

2 - who are some your fav creators/mutuals?

i love all of my mutuals and every creator in the fandom bc everyone is just amazing!! but to list just a few @footprintsinthesxnd, yourself!! (@luckynumber4), @ep6bastogne @lamialamia @thewayisset @lewis-winters @jenkil @mads-weasley @hellofanidea @liptonwashere @malarkgirlypop @panzershrike-pretz @sweetxvanixlla @whollyjoly @samwinchesterslostshoe @next-autopsy @iceman-kazansky @heystovepipeboys @theflyingfin @cody-helix02 and many many more!

special shout out to the cult!! zim zam, my friends, zim zam!!! also i'm so sorry if i forgot to tag anyone!!

9 - a ship that you can't get enough of?

bradnate, andyeddie, snurgie, ronnix, lipluz, webgott, and no matter how much winnix i consume it never gets old so them too!

14 - your fav underrated character?

ooh this is always hard bc everyone classifies underrated as a different thing.. are burgie and harry underrated? if so, them! chuck grant, tab (this man is so loved he's can't be underrated but i couldn't not mention mr lover lover himself), alton more??? one of the most interesting easy co men for sure!! wish we had more of him (lol)

19 - what's your fav universally-accepted/fanon headcanon about a character?

ooh either all the nix childhood fanon or the andyeddie ghosts/afterlife/grief fanon.. yeah.. that hits the spot

24 - what wip from another creator are you most excited about?

all of @ep6bastogne's wips (yes i read all your tags about them in utter anticipation), @luckynumber4's burgie wip! anything @footprintsinthesxnd writes! same with @lewis-winters ALL of your wips sound so so sooooo up my street/my thing!! there are so many more but despite my plans to spend the day at home i actually have to leave the comfort of my bed and brave the cold outside, and i'm late already so i'm gonna have to stop listing, but it's very likely that i'm excited for almost every single wip any of you guys have!

28 - what's something that lives in your brain rent free and you want everyone to know about the show/the fandom/your works?

outside of hbowar??? oooh i have LOADS of things!! the thick of it!! it has such clever funny writing, the best dialogue and political satire ever, because it's just so true to life and accurate for uk politics. peter capaldi is fucking amazing in it! and you'll see a lot of uk actors that are famous for other things here. but yeah, it's just hilarious and witty and clever. love it. go watch it. ummm other than that, the korean band onewe!! please go listen to them, they are ridiculously talented and have the kindest most lovely and accepting fandom in the world. in fact, the hbo war fandom and onewe fandom are the only two fandoms i've ever felt happy and comfortable in. onewe write beautiful songs with the most gorgeous lyrics (they have a space series which is one of my all-time favourites). ALSO pride (2014) as a movie recommendation! this film is my comfort film but it tears me apart as well. some people watch it for the queerness and come away learning about welsh history too.. for others, it's the opposite. but as a welsh gay man for me both those elements are so important to who i am and my own identity, that this film is just feels so incredibly special to me. especially the character gethin who i really feel i can relate to a lot due to our circumstances. tim roth is someone who i always wanna shout about and who lives rent free in my head too. love that man so much. also the band the libertines!! because them and the strokes were my entire teenage years and i pretty much grew up with their music as my 'soundtrack'. ok i think that's enough, even though i definitely have way more to shout about. sorry i rambled!

for this ask game!