#and sometimes you have to romanticize your little things just to keep going with this life

[fairydrowning]

"I woke up and ate my breakfast. Then I took a shower. After that I sat under the sunlight and wrote in my journal. Life is so good and just having love in your heart is an important thing too."

– Diary of "fairy_drowning", February 7th, 2023, Time: 10:45AM

[crystallilytarot]

Choose a crocodile. How to work on your insecurities?

(I think it's more like just some advice, idk, but I hope you will enjoy it anyway)

Pile 1

If someone ever said to you that you are not good enough, it's just their opinion, it's not like the whole world said it. And especially if they are a bad person or someone who isn't even so close to you, just ignore them. Like only 1 teacher said it. But even if it was a family member, if someone really love you, they won't be mean to you. Yeah, we can learn from critics, if it's supposed to be helpful, not if it's just simply comes from jealousy. The past is the past, you should see forward, not what was before, you can do better, you can be succesful, you can be loved. Even if you weren't before. Believe in yourself more! You should stand up for yourself, but also, sometimes fighting is not worth it. You should find the balance, especially within yourself. Just focus on your goals. You have everything you need to be succesful, so you really should work on your confidense. And some things really needs time, be patient, consistent and don't give up! There's something here about either moving to another place, or traveling, and maybe you should be more often in the nature. But I think it's also a sign, that yes, you will move and travel!

Pile 2

Oh dear. I don't really read about health, but if you have anxiety or any mental health issues, please seek professional help if you can. And if you have a friend, you can trust, it would be good too. I think a lot of things here comes from mental health problems. I would say if you have any hobbies, that's a good thing, or if you are a fan of something/somebody. But make sure it's healthy, not an obsession. It can be just that you spend too much time online, and it's bad because we can see unrealistic things, and that will become unrealistic expectations. If you feel sometimes like you need to romanticize your life, escape to a fantasy world, enjoy childish things etc. It's all good, don't be ashamed to do whatever you enjoy. I think the most important here is to work on staying optimistic, keeping your faith. If something is bad, it's not the end of the world, you can try again. And you really need to love yourself more, accept yourself, your body, your personality. You are so loveable, please love yourself too, care about yourself too, not just others.

Pile 3

I think sometimes you make a decision and later you regret it. So you should think about things before. Don't be so reckless. Don't get into heated arguments. I won't say never, but sometimes we should let go of things, especially if the other person simply just won't see our point of view. Or sometimes they just don't understand you, because I think you are very smart. Also you should think about what you really want. Because we can be interested in a lot of things, but sometimes we don't have the energy to do everything or sometimes we can be bored. And it's okay to change and even stop doing stuff, if it's not enjoyable for you anymore. You can't be good at everything. But if you really want something, you can make a plan, a goal, search information, make a vision board maybe. You can do some things like this, to stay motivated. Sometimes we should take things a little lighter, nobody is perfect, it's okay to laugh even at yourself. I mean not in a mean way, but to lighten the situation sometimes. And just to have a little fun, you should laugh more often. If you work hard, that work will pay off, but you can enjoy the life too, not just when you achieve something. It's okay to be emotional too. You should take care of yourself better, do some selfcare, love yourself, and just go with the flow a little.

[fancyfeathers]

Idea sorta came from @yandere-wishes with Neuvillette having a ballerina darling so credit goes to them for this idea

(A/N- I love when ballet is romanticized, one of my fav things in media, especially since that is what inspired me to become a ballerina. This little idea has darker historical undertones where ballerina at the Paris opera were sort of “entertainment” for the elite after performances. They did this to get money to pay for shoes, room and board, and sometimes these nobles would help them get better roles and teachers for the ballerinas. Ballet these days is much different but it helps if you know the history behind it. Along with that, it will show how painful ballet really is, pretty but painful. All of that said I love this concept and as a ballerina I love my job and would not trade it for anything besides my girlfriend/fiancé, because she is the world to me)

(This short film, LOUISE, displays what the reality of that situation was. Trigger warning, it is dark and has sensitive topics that I mentioned above along with sexual acts and non sexual nudity, but it is very well done, but definitely not for minors.)

Neuvillette would see, not yet meet, his darling for the first time when Lady Furina dragged him along to see a ballet at the Opera House. She was one of the stars of the show that evening, and she was so incredibly beautiful, her movements like glowing water from a creek, soft and flowing from step to step. He would be enamored with her at the first sight, but not yet have the chance to talk to her since after the show she was swept up by the crowd wanting to talk to her after the show. He would go to every show, falling more and more in love with her every time, and every time he would try to go and talk to her but every time she would get swept up in the crowd. Eventually, he decides he’ll go to her dressing room right after the show to meet her personally and hand her the bouquet of flowers Lady Furina had told him to give to her. When he arrives at her dressing room there is talk from inside the door, and he listens in…

“Monsieur, I am afraid I cannot accompany you tonight, my little-“

“I thought you wanted those lessons I promised? It is not every day you get an opportunity like this.”

“Monsieur, please I am so tired-“

“I’ll be outside the opera house, don’t keep me waiting.”

Neuvillette stands there as the man who addressed his darling walks out of her room, a noble, he shoots a glance at Neuvillette but says nothing to the Chief Justice. The door was open to reveal his darling sitting at her vanity, her eyes pained but went wide once she was the Iudex of Fontaine there, holding a bouquet of flowers for her. She stands up before him and offers him somewhat of a curtsy in her panicked state.

“Monsieur, forgive me, I did not know you were there. Is there anything you would like?”

Her voice is terrified as she addresses him and he can feel his heart ache at seeing her like this. There are tear stains on her face to show she had been crying before he came here. He steps forward, into her dressing room and sets the bouquet down, and he quickly notices how many other flowers are in the room alongside his own, but all the others have little notes with them, and when the Iudex reads them it makes him feel disgusted. What was going on here?

“I would like your company.”

“I… I apologize Monsieur, I am already taken for tonight and I am afraid I am too tired for another, my feet are already blistering and-“

“No, I just wish to talk to you.”

“You do?”

And he does, but he does not yet ask about what happens behind closed doors just yet, wanting to gain her trust. He makes a point to come to her dressing room even at night after a performance and gets there first, after all, who would want to bother the Iudex? He soon gains her trust and asks what really happened that night and she explains everything. This is what it is like for the dancers here, a constant cycle that none of them can get out of, if they refuse them they will destroy her so she has no choice but to accept, no matter how much pain she is in after a performance. Her dress doesn’t fit properly, but she can’t afford another so she just has to deal with not being able to breathe. Her shoes are a size too big so she has to tie them even tighter so they don’t come off which just leads to blisters and her toes bruising against the point every time she lands.

He holds her in her dressing room while she cries in his arms. She just wants all the pain to end, it hurts too much…

Not a week later, the owners of the ballet company are called to court for their business malpractices, and they are found guilty. She is left without a job now, but a friend who is the Iudex of Fontaine and is more than willing to take her in.

[astrologylunadream]

Your Crush's Biggest Insecurities💌😰💧 (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)

Hey it's Lunadream🤗 Does your crush have insecurities too? If so what are they? We'll be doing a reading on their biggest insecurities right now💭 hope you find your message🌸

Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)

Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ There are 6 piles this time! Think of your crush, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~☁️♥️

Pile 1💮

Pile 2🥀

Pile 3🛁

Pile 4🍰

Pile 5🌪

Pile 6🍷

Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡

On to the readings —> ☁️🎲🖤

Pile 1💮

Sign energy: Stress, Early, Intuition, Sidelines, Short-term, North node, Mercury, 7th house, 12th house, Sun, 🎪💣🟫📆

🥀Your person's energy: This is someone you have thought about seriously marrying/committing to pile 1, I see you👀 Now for the overall vibe of your person it's a lot of air energy I'm feeling but also they could have air in their water houses like for instance the 4th/8th/12th houses are all water houses naturally but for your person they could be like gemini/libra/aquarius in those houses in any order too. Virgo is coming through for some of you, I'm getting Libra/Virgo cusp rn. I'm seeing someone who is a heavy over thinker right now they get lost in their mind a lot. Your person is prone to stress and sometimes they just stress themselves out over little things, they even obsess about the dates flying by and have an over emphasis on time. This is someone that has a lot on their plate, but you just want to step in and be their true loving partner🥺❤ You just wanna make their day and help them out a bit, you want to turn their frown upside down I'm hearing haha. This person may have confessed to you recently or perhaps thought about it a LOT. They trust their intuition because they are usually right and they're the type to say "I knew it" and "I'm going with my gut on this one" because they really have a hunch for things sometimes!! This person may not be in your life yet, but they can sense a future with you and they think about you a lot.

💭Their biggest insecurities: Stage, Self reflection, Feminine, Prove, Vulnerable, Mars, Neptune, 5th house, Gemini, Capricorn, 🩰🔙💢👫 Alright my pile 1's, your person is so worried about appearing good enough for you😖💗 They're worried about a future partner or marriage, they may feel like no one could love them or they would screw it up so this makes them very lonely. For some of you I'm getting this person had a past longing for creative expression but it was repressed by others, I'm seeing someone who wasn't necessarily allowed to like feminine things. They have a deep insecurity about displaying their more feminine side (or more nurturing/emotional side) in fear of being taken advantage of or judged for it. Your person is so scared deep down you guys they don't wanna be called weak or stupid for their innermost self😭😭 They're afraid of daydreaming too much and being in their head all the time, and romanticizing a partner and hoping for one makes them feel vulnerable and desperate but like that's just themmm😫😫♡ Pile 1 you have no idea how insecure they are about themselves... they set themselves to be this strong, will powered, bold person who doesn't need affection but they're really just a sweetheart deep down who wants to be seen as delicate too.💓 My heart omg you guys this is so sad... I'm hearing "let me be myself". They want someone who they can show their true colors with, like looking in a mirror with someone who doesn't degrade their true self.

🖤Messages from your person: I've been trying to keep my distance, I don't know you, I want to take you away, You don't need to take care of me, It's not true (Omg they honestly do want to be cared for😟💞) Extra cards: Door, Lesson, Pretty, Phase, Work, Aquarius, Air, Moon, 6th house, 5th house (They're working on showing their hidden side🤍)

Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ w ˂ )ɞ♡ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the blossom emoji~💮 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 2🥀

Sign energy: Career, Exotic, Pink, Last, Fixation, Water, Aries, 5th house, Neptune, Scorpio, 🏃‍♂️🗻❤🩺

���Your person's energy: Ohh okay I'm getting Leo, Aries, Pisces, Scorpio all those sort of signs. Your person is probably very fun and distinct from other people, I feel like they just have this look about them. Now this might be someone you're in a love affair with, maybe one of you enjoys flirting with the other. I feel like you may be resisting this person but your heart is saying like "Yes yes yes 👀👄👀" Now anyways I'm seeing this as someone who creeps into your subconscious a lot and you might have wild fantasies about themmm🙈🔥 Keep it low keyyyy it's so obvious lol your person may be from a far away land like a long distance from where you are, idk why but I'm getting rockstar vibes right now so your person could be into rock or punk music.🎸 Their hair is on fleek btw, they have an unnatural color or style most likely too. They make your heart beat so fast, they may like to run in the mornings. You've told yourself they will be your last, and you're heart is focused on them completely.

💭Their biggest insecurities: Mother, Rest, Escape, Bones, Call, Pluto, Cancer, Water, Libra, South node, 🧩✔♒👎 Hmm this is interesting, so I'm getting some serious baggage with your person my pile 2's... this may be a little dark but they might have a deceased parent or their mother could have a burdensome relationship with them. Whatever the case this is something that's weighing their energy a lot right now, so they're kind of at a dark place right now. This could be an tragic event from the past regarding their mother that they're still holding onto, this could be effecting their relationships with others aswell. They want to leave this mind prison they've trapped themselves in and stop dwelling on the past. They feel powerless and their state of mind is greatly imbalanced. They feel like they could have done things differently to change their past, and perhaps made things easier for their mother. I'm getting they may not have one and if for some of you they do, I'm getting they watched their mother deal with hardships while feeling like a helpless burden.😔🌧 They have this deep guilt and regret for not stepping up to help those in need more, and this has led to my pile 2's aswell. They don't want you to suffer like others they have witnessed before, they worry about putting you in a hard situation without knowing how to protect you. They are worried their care won't suffice. Your person wants to provide and protect those in need but they have little faith in themselves to do so.

🖤Messages from your person: Of course, I need someone, You really think I would choose you? I couldn't stop, What if I make a mistake? (They don't want to disappoint you🥺😭😢) Extra cards: Hot, Mars, Fan, Capricorn, Dreams, Taurus, Capricorn, Pisces, (Uh oh my pile 2's your person has some wicked fantasies about you omg they don't wanna get carried away with the passion they feel!!🥵❤)

Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ w ˂ )ɞ♡ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the rose emoji~🥀 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 3🛁

Sign energy: Affection, Angel, Hunger, Escape, Unseen, Jupiter, Neptune, 6th house, Sun, Gemini, 🔒🐈🎲🎰

🥀Your person's energy: Your person is so soft and beautiful omgggg their soul is like a watercolor painting imo so lovely and enchanting🌊♥️ You may feel like they're unreal or like not human they have such a graceful presence, so stunning~ They may have soft Sagittarius + Pisces placements, I'm getting Leo and Gemini for your person, Virgo could be significant aswell. I keep seeing soft baby blue eyes and deep red nails for some pile 3's person, they have really pretty hands. They are known to daydream and space out into their abstract thoughts often, your person may find feline creatures very beautiful and identify with those creatures. They have an angelic voice and mind, you see them as a pure angel <3 They might take risks often despite their soft nature, trying out anything out of their curiosity. I'm hearing "curiosity killed the cat" lol that's them😂 They're such a curious cat about life and the world around them, I feel like they have diverse interests including you~ This might be someone you "crave" in any way whether it's emotionally or physically you just want themm💗💗 You imagine yourself with them often and fantasize about winning their affection and being held by them, it's always on the back of your mind my loveliesss.

💭Their biggest insecurities: Public image, Impulsive, Locked, Remedy, Book, 8th house, 12th house, Fire, Vertex, 5th house, 🙄🩰🖇🔝 Ohh alright we have some interesting things going on my pile 3's so let's see, with the heavy water house energy we're recieving I'm kind of seeing an obsession/addiction they're hiding from you... maybe it's your obsession that they're insecure about, because they feel so important to you and it's like a pressure in a way.. to be everything for you, they don't know if they can keep you🥺 I feel like your person might be afraid of what others think of you two, like they don't want everyone to know how deep things are between you both. You guys may have a mutual obsession with eachother that they're a little shy about, so they are insecure of their intense feelings for you💓 And I'm seeing the fate of you guys' relationship is something they are a little worried about, they feel in the dark about you and them. Your person is insecure about your loyalty aswell, I can see this as a huge concern for some reason. They might have certain ideas of you and assume you won't commit to them like they will.😟 They know you guys are connected and they're so scared of messing things up, my pile 3's your person knows you have eyes for them but they feel pressured to be the one for you <3 You make them feel special and they hold onto that desperately, so they're always nervous about being their best.

🖤Messages from your person: It all matters, Oh my god, This is interesting, I knew you would feel this way, I don't know who I am (Wow you got them thinking😫) Extra cards: Change, Crush, Innovation, Order, Secret admirer, Neptune, Earth, Chiron, 3rd house, Pisces (They're fantasizing of a confession!! Thinking of confessing to my lovely pile 3!!!)

Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the tub emoji~🛁 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 4🍰

Sign energy: Right, Abundance, Fan, Connection, Sadness, 11th house, Jupiter, Juno, Aries, Water, 😷🔧🧎‍♂️😳

🥀Your person's energy: Alright this is someone you are head over heels for rn, I can really feel this recieving energy from your person like they're in a state of receiving and earning love and admiration. They're very lucky and have many opportunities, this could who fixes things or very helpful. They could be like the term "fixer upper" so maybe they have some flaws or issues but you look past them.💓 For some of you this could be an internet famous person, they don't have much physical contact with you at the moment I'm really getting that honestly. Some of my pile 4's are the type to chat online a lot with them or maybe you often send messages to your person but then one of you stopped for some reason??😦 Many of you are a fan of your person like their personal little supporter🥰🎉 This may be someone with Aquarius/Aries placements, as well as Sagittarius. They have a nice smile and very emotional too, even if they don't seem that way at first. They feel a lot and I'm getting melancholy vibes from your person~ You see them as your ideal partner and you want to date them. Your person can be impatient at times.

💭Their biggest insecurities: Inspiration, Holding back, Earth, Love at first sight, Activity, Gemini, Vertex, Aries, Leo, Aquarius, ☸🎢🧩🌅 Okay your person has a lot they're anxious about rn, they have been keeping things to themselves a little more than they would like. Your person is afraid to lead you on, because they don't want to lead you in the wrong direction like a dead end with you. They don't want any of that so they're holding back their feelings they're stepping back for a while to process everything. Your person's mind rapid right now just thinking about what to do they keep pondering the best decisions because they're so worried about loosing you.😣 It feels like fireworks are going off in their mind just trying to comprehend the situation between you two. They are so confused and they don't know whether to listen to their head or heart!! Rejection is the biggest insecurity for them and they feel as if they're setting themselves up for disaster. There could be a little self sabotage going on with them, I feel like they have no idea what they want and it drives them crazy. It makes them feel worse about themself that they can't make a decision on this. It's killing them that they're so aimless right now, they hate to admit that they have no clue what move to make with you my pile 4's your person is a mess over you😩❤ They're trying to ground themselves and come up with a rational answer for their situation, because they're insecure about their ability to keep this relationship with you.

🖤Messages from your person: You're mine, I care about you, I want to give you cuddles, You're not okay, I'm so frustrated (Omg they're so stuck rn🥺) Extra cards: Rage, Union, Anonymous, Wish, Slow, Gemini, Aries, Virgo, Libra, Juno (They really want this to work!!🤧💖)

Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the cake emoji~🍰 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 5🌪

Sign energy: One and only, My everything, Kabedon, Mirror, Smile, Chiron, Eros, Jupiter, Lilith, Leo, 🎤💜🗿🍦

🥀Your person's energy: Ayy I'm getting heavy masculine energy with this one, I'm sensing a really attractive person on this pile's mind~ It's someone very successful and outgoing, they have a really hot smile. I'm seeing pile 5 just melting whenever they see them smiling LOL it's addictive.🥰 This is someone very fun and charismatic, they have such a light energy. It's so enjoyable and sweet!! Prominent Sagittarius and Leo energy. Your person has a genuine aura about them, very honest and showing their true self. They could be a singer or enjoy music a lot, could he their hobby. This person means everything to you, you love them so much and would do anything for them. You also try to be like them, mimicking their little habits and speech patterns <3 They may like the color purple or look good in that color, I have a feeling they are very sweet to you. Which caused you to fall so hard for them!! This person does not show when they are hurt, they will put on a poker face and keep going, so they always seem happy. They have a dark side that you see in yourself, the side you wish you could express but are too shy to. You see them as perfect.💝

💭Their biggest insecurities: Home, Absence, Meaning, Winter, Lesson, Juno, 10th house, Scorpio, Cancer, Saturn, 🤩😡🎧🦁 Your person has some deep feelings they're keeping in, and it's definitely weighing their subconscious rn. They don't feel in the right position, they feel misplaced you could say. Your person has a lot of repressed feelings that they can't hold back anymore, it tears them inside out emotionally. Your person is a drama queen deep down but they are so scared to show this side of them to anyone. Also, your person is so lonely and they have huge insecurities about being needy.😔💞 They just want to cuddle and share their feelings with someone who will keep them safe!! They feel like they have no meaning or worthiness, and they don't want to be a burden. Your crush is secretly clingy but they're ashamed of this, so they pretend to be unbothered by emotional distance. But every little thing really effects them!! They're so insecure about the relationship not bringing you both success and support, they just wanna ensure that you are cared for and that your connection with them will remain true.😚 I'm hearing "keep you interested" and "entertain you" now. They're insecure about you loosing interest or seeing them as less great than you thought, this makes them so nervous awww pile 5 your person really wants to please you.🥺🥺⭐

🖤Messages from your person: I want to hate you, You saved me, Don't think of anyone else, In your imagination, I can't wait to meet you (Ohhh pile 5 they're possessive😳😶❤) Extra cards: Baby, Bones, Nervous, Sight, Punish, 1st house, Aquarius, Mercury, 9th house, Saturn (Aghhh whyyy they're so into you pile 5 they wanna take you down🥵🤯)

Thank you my pile 5's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 5 with the tornado emoji~🌪 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 6🍷

Sign energy: Separation, Quiet place, Neptune, Choice, Mermaid, Scorpio, 10th house, Virgo, Uranus, 1st house, 😫🦄🩺🍰

🥀Your person's energy: Okay I'm getting heavy Scorpio rising vibes oh gosh. Virgo/Aquarius rising aswell as capricorn rising. They have a magnetic aura, their gaze will suck you in so fast. They make you do stupid things without thinking rationally!! You can't think straight around this person, your heart starts beating out of control when you think of them.♥️ I feel like have an attractive collarbone/neck area for some reason, and I also feel called to say this is definitely a loner type of crush. You love their calm and cold demeanor, ohh and their stare has you obsessed you love their piercing gaze. I'm getting a no contact period for some of you with this person, you guys might be far away from eachother or someone is being really REALLY quiet.🤐 They are so mysterious and alluring and you barely know what's in their mind, they're very hard to read at times. But they are highly perceptive and can read you like a book lol it's not fair😂 They are very unique and special, they have charms that make them very different from others. You guys might have a strange situation with this person, a situationship is likely between you two. I feel like you daydream about being dominated by this person in the sweetest way like cuddles where their hug just swallows you whole🥺🥰

💭Their biggest insecurities: Shoulders, Venus, First love, Even, Movie theater, 10th house, 3rd house, Aries, Moon, 8th house, 😭🆙️💬🤝 Awww your person is so sweet omg so first I'm seeing they get really nervous around you like, you give them little butterflies. They have a soft spot for you especially when you pour your heart out and vice versa you listen.😍💕 Their biggest most deep insecurity is scaring you away🥺😰 They have a really deep bond with you and you guys have such an intimate connection, they feel so strongly for you that their emotions and intensity just consumes them. Part of them just wants to hold your hand and brush your hair gently, and then there's another part of them that wants to grab your shoulders and kiss you against the wall until you can't breathe💀 So like they're super worried about how you'll react to their intensity and they don't want to make you uncomfortable or seem to desperate/clingy for your love. They're worried you will just watch them like a clown circus as they cry over you😂 Stop why am I laughing it's so sad though. They are afraid you won't want to match their level of attachment to you, they wish you would let them take control of you in the most loving way. They're scared of being called dramatic or too obsessive, and they don't want to let go. My pile 6's your person is so afraid of becoming that "psycho ex" story for you lmaooo where they just never let go of you when you've moved on. 9/10 chance they're probably crying over you rn.🙃 But seriously they just want mutual feelings!!

🖤Messages from your person: You're my dream, I want you all to myself, We're more than friends, I'm not okay, Who are you to me? Extra cards: Hidden, Innocence, Sugar, True feelings, Innovation, 10th house, Vertex, Air, Pluto, Saturn, (They just wanna stabilize their crazy feelings for you but it's so difficult for them...😢)

Thank you my pile 6's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ w ˂ )ɞ♡ If you did be sure to let me know pile 6 with the red glass emoji~🍷 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸

Alright you guys this was a lot to write so I'm glad you found the message you needed. Thanks everyone for reading! (*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3

[mccn-bcys]

JUST A TOUCH OF YOUR HAND

pairing: marc spector x reader, steven grant x reader, jake lockley x reader

summary: when you turn eighteen, an ink stain appears on your skin wherever your soulmate touches you for the first time. the boys each are dealing with their stain in their own way.

warnings: angsty marc, fluffy jake, soulmate au, DID (I don't have DID so I'm basing my knowledge off of what is in the show, please correct me if anything is wrong), I'm also not a Spanish speaker (I used Google translate please correct me if it's wrong)

authors note: as stated in the warnings, im not a Spanish speaker so pls correct me if it's wrong. I also do not have DID and am using knowledge from the show. There will be a part two to this soon, but I figured I'd go ahead and give you all a taste! I really hope you like it!Let me know what you think! Please like and reblog guys!

word count: 1,817

when the black stain on their knuckles first showed, all three boys weren't sure what to make of its meaning. at first, they thought it was from holding their soulmate's hand, but that didn't make sense. the stain was just on the knuckles of their right hand. 

it wouldn't be until years later, as they all started getting older, till they started having their own opinions about it. and after the boys were all aware of each other, they would discuss it. well, jake and steven would discuss it.

marc didn't want to talk about it. 

steven wasn't fully convinced that he was destined to have a soulmate. maybe a platonic soulmate, but certainly not a romantic soulmate. surely they would've shown themselves by now, right? so steven decided it best to not romanticize the stain. he just settled on maybe it was a fist bump. or even a lighthearted shoulder punch. some sort of friendly gesture. 

jake was the opposite. this man may have a reputation for being bad and mean and evil, but jake lockley was a huge romantic. he was obsessed with love. of course, the only people who knew were marc and steven.

he loved the idea that there was someone out there that was made for him. he liked to believe that they would love him despite the things he's done, despite his past, despite having two other people that shared his body.

he'd played the scenarios around in his head. there was the classic accidental brushing of his knuckles against you, maybe as you passed in the streets. he imagined that when he'd feel you brush his knuckles, he'd stop and turn, grabbing your hand and stopping you, and then it would be love at first sight. something out of a rom-com, marc would scoff. or maybe for some reason, he would be gently stroking your face with his knuckles. or maybe you dropped something, like papers or books, and you both bent down to pick them up and reached for the same book at the same time, your hands brushing each other. 

jake would spend hours, just staring at his hand and the stain on it. whenever he thinks of his soulmate, he can't keep the giddy grin off his face. sometimes steven likes to indulge in jakes fantasies, just a little. but the fantasies piss marc off to no end. but all jake wanted? he just wanted somebody to love and somebody to love him.

marc didn't want to indulge in any fantasy, romantic or platonic. he'd convinced himself a long time ago that it was just a joke. he'd stare at the stain on his hand, but instead of with a smile like jake, he'd stare in disgust. disgust at the mark, at the world, at himself. 

see, marc had come to the conclusion that the stain was from a punch or some kind of hit. he convinced himself that he'd only hurt you from the beginning, whether on accident or on purpose. but he had no intention of finding out.

he could never hurt you, whoever you were, if he never touched you. he made it a point to not touch anyone. he'd even stopped doing work for khonshu, so he wouldn't risk punching or hitting his soulmate. 

he didn't deserve a soulmate anyways, romantic or platonic. he had done too many horrible things, there was too much blood on his hands. and he knew it was all his fault. he didn't deserve someone to love. he wasn't worthy of love. he was a monster. a killer. he always had been. 

so when he was walking down the streets, head kept low, as he made his way to the grocery store to pick up some milk — because jake had forgotten again — he thought he was going to die.

it was busy on the street. everyone must be getting off work and trying to get home. marc had really tried. tried so hard to squeeze through everyone without touching anyone.

"this is just ridiculous, mate," steven scoffed lightly. marc could see him throw his hands up in exasperation from the reflection of the window across the street. "do you realize how extremely unlikely it is that we'd brush against them on the way to get milk?" 

"not taking any chances," marc grunted, determined. 

"are you scared you're going to accidentally punch someone on the street? plan on fighting anyone who bumps into you?" jake rolled his eyes. he thought this whole "no touching" thing was a bunch of shit. 

jake had always tried to tell marc how ridiculous his thinking was. that even if their soulmate didn't like their night-time jobs or that they didn't want 3 soulmates in one, at least they'd be able to meet them, know that there had been someone for them. 

and marc knew he was right. but that's part of what scared marc. what if they didn't accept him or his alters? what if they only wanted one of them? what if they didn't want to deal with their past? their baggage? marc didn't want to risk it. 

"when you front, you are more than welcome to touch people on the street. but I will do whatever the hell I want while I front," marc scowled at his alter.

"mate...you could have worded that a bit better," steven cringed. 

and marc was going to respond, but before he could even start to think the words, he felt it. 

someone's hand brushed against his knuckles. against the stain. 

and marc was ready to just brush it off. maybe turn around tell them to watch where they were going and keep walking. but none of that happened. 

as soon as the person made contact with him, a shock went through his body and left a tingling sensation on his knuckles. he stopped dead in his track. jake was screaming at him to let him front — a request marc was adamant on denying. steven was suddenly nervous. 

but marc? marc was terrified. if he turned around to look at you, it would only make it more real. marc knew it was you. knew it was his soulmate, otherwise jake and steven wouldn't be freaking out. 

"oy, pendejo! si no los miras ahora mismo, nos tiraré de un edificio!" jake threatened, but it was falling on deaf ears. 

"marc...you don't have to talk to them, but a glance couldn't hurt," steven tried pleading. 

but how it could hurt. because if he looked at you, he'd be ruined. he'd want to talk to you. get to know you. but that came with the risk of you getting to know him. because what if you didn't like it? like him? or his alters? his past? his present? he didn't want to know what he could have with you if it meant he might lose you. 

he had wanted to just keep walking. he tried so damn hard to just keep going. act like it didn't happen. but damn it, lockley had gotten enough control and kept their feet glued to the ground. 

"míralas!" jake insisted causing marc to let out a groan. 

"fine, but just a quick glance," he finally caved, receiving an excited cheer from jake and hopeful sound of agreement from steven. 

taking a deep breath, marc finally turned around and for a second time, was frozen in place. even jake and steven were speechless. 

you were beautiful. the way the sun was hitting your face right now? breathtaking. and you looked just as stunned as he did. 

you had been dreaming of this moment since the stain appeared on your wrist. you — unknowingly like jake — had gone over every scenario possible for the black spot on your wrist. imagined what it'd be like to finally meet your soulmate. imagined what it'd feel like when they touched you for the first time.

never in your wildest dreams had you imagined it happening on your way home on the streets of london. never had you pictured being stopped on the sidewalk, staring at your soulmate just feet away as the world seemed to go on as if nothing was happening. 

he was so handsome. his golden skin shining in the sun as he stared at you in awe. as if his whole world had stopped. the way his curls framed his face. and his eyes. oh they seemed to hold a storm. he seemed to be going through so many emotions at once. 

you both stood there, staring at each other, seconds seeming to pass like hours. you weren't sure what to do and neither was he. neither of you had prepared for this. 

"hi," you finally said. it had been quiet, breathless, especially with the noise of the city, but he heard you loud and clear. 

"hey," he said back, making you relax a little. you were worried he wasn't going to speak to you. 

"are you—" you both started to ask, which made you laugh a little. oh what he'd give to hear that sound again. he didn't even know your name but he'd give you the world if that's what you asked for. 

"sorry," you quickly apologized before continuing, "do you mind?" you asked, gesturing to the stain on his knuckles, to which he lightly shook his head no. 

truth be told, marc was terrified to move. no sudden movements, he didn't want to scare you off. you sounded so gentle, so kind. jake was begging to front. but marc wanted to be selfish for just a bit longer. 

he watched as you took your stained wrist and brushed it against his knuckles again, both of you jumping slightly at the shock feeling coursing through you again. you beamed up at him. 

that's it, he was a goner. 

you introduced yourself, seeming a bit shy. all three boys repeated it in their head, loving how it sounded. marc had even repeated back to you and you were already addicted to how it sounded rolling off his pretty lips.

"i'm marc," he said, quietly, as if his name alone was too much information. 

"marc," you repeated gently. like if you said it too loud, you'd break whatever spell you two were under. he loved how you said his name. 

"well, I've just gotten off work, do you want to get coffee or a drink?" you offered, wanting to immediately get to know the man in front of you. 

and before he could turn down the offer, he found himself saying "yeah, i'd like that." the hell was he thinking? he should just go get the milk and go home. forget you and that this had happened. but that felt impossible now. he doesn't think he'd ever forget you. 

so before you both know it, you're walking side by side, going to get coffee, an easy silence falling over you as you walked together.

.

edit (bc I forgot my taglist):

taglist: @leoluved @howaboutcastiel @sir-knight-slytherdor

(if you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know!)

[blue-sterling0357]

Hello, may I request some headcanons of Ciel with a chill S/O that went threw similar abuse he did when they were young??

(Not like they were in an occult, maybe they were in a bad orphanage or a bad catholic school)

(I kinda like the idea of a catholic school, so let's go with that....Do keep in mind, that this is no way romanticizing trauma, abuse or harassment, it's just for entertainment purposes, also trigger warning)

Chill S/O who went through similar trauma

⌘ Oh poor you, you’ve also been through a lot of trauma…Haven’t you? Hmm Ciel was quite surprised about the similar trauma you’ve been through….

⌘He’s curious… Why are you so nonchalant about it? It’s not normal for someone to act like nothing is wrong with them after they’ve been through horrible trauma, is it?

⌘If you ever want to tell him about your trauma from the catholic school, how they treated you and how it comes back to you time to time, he’s there for you to listen, but he can never hear any type of abuse happening to you.

⌘If you escaped and the catholic school is still there, all the members who tortured, abused and harassed you or even tried to do so, are tortured for over a long time period, by Sebastian.

⌘All your abusers are going to feel the same amount of pain they caused you, if they are even alive that is.

⌘You both kinda do bond over the fact that you both went through similar trauma, it’s one of your fucked up humor. Sebastian is deeply concerned for you both, but he does like how you tried escaping your punishments.

⌘If you have any type of trigger, it’s probably going to be removed, especially if it’s going to annoy Sebastian to no end, Ciel likes the upset emotion on his face, he thinks it’s hilarious and it is, but Sebastian is probably going to get Ciel back for this, the thing is still not coming back into the manor because Sebby also likes you like a little sister or his child.

⌘If you ever wanna vent about something, he would always be there for you, no matter the time, except when at 3:26 in the morning, please don’t, during that time, you can vent to Sebastian, but not him as Sebastian will yell at him the next morning if he is caught dozing off.

⌘He will be extremely patient with you, never yelling, hitting or being harsh with you, he’s afraid that you will be scared of him and break your relationship which holds so close to his heart.

⌘Similar to him, you probably also have a few nightmares here and there which truly frighten you, so you aren’t able to sleep on those nights, he will lay with you until you calm down and fall asleep again.

⌘Oh yeah! Did I mention, he only allows you to sleep with him in his room, and you aren’t allowed to have your own room? Yeah… he wants to be there with you 24/7; if you have nightmares, if you can’t sleep due to paranoia, etc.

⌘Also if you ever cry due to your trauma, he is also going to crying tears with you, as you both have similar trauma, he feels as though you were also in the occult with him and he saw you being tortured by those bastards.

⌘Also due to this feeling he has, if anything ever happens to you, he definitely has a panic attack as he thinks you’re going faint right there or something, due to his feeling of you being there with him in the occult and you died, it could be something minor as fuck like a paper cut or a tiny hit on a table where you let out a tiny “ow..” even though it didn’t hurt……

⌘Also,  if you’re crying, he is definitely going to ball-dance with you to calm you down, even though he is bad, he tries extremely hard during those times for you, so you don’t get hurt, and imma be honest he does very well during those times.

⌘Mostly he’s happy, you’re pretty normal, unlike all his servants who are crazy and problematic for him.

⌘He loves you, so much that it physically hurts him sometimes because he forgets to breathe upon the thought of you and as Seb says “My grace, you simply take his breath away~” and you’re like “Uhm..Sebastian, he’s chocking due to asthma as well and nowww….he fainted….”

⌘He loves you, so so so so so so much!!!!

[astxroiid]

empire state of mind // tasm!peter parker

❥ warm New York, cold nights, sushi, pining, heroes and their hopeless romanticism.

wc: 1.5k

navigation ✩ new york private life (I) ✩ manhattan longing (III)

The movie finishes with little to no emotional distractions from either of you. You look to Peter, "This was fun! We need to do it again sometime."

You smile but all Peter feels is dread. Are you sending him home? Already? He's had a great time but he doesn’t wanna go home so soon.

“Yeah… I had a lot of fun too,” he gives a downturned smile.

"How about you come back on Friday? I'm free all day after my class at 10."

Your voice drowns out and Peter feels a tingle up his back. The hairs on his arms stand on end. Something bad is happening...

He turns his head, realizing that whatever his Spidey-Sense is telling him is happening, is major. He tries to hide his worry as he stands, grabbing his bag from beside the door.

"H-hey! Where are you going?" the worry filling up your throat and spilling into your tone.

"Friday. After 10. Sounds amazing. I'll be there. Gotta go-" he doesn't stay to hear your response. Slamming the door behind him. You're left on the couch, in shock and feeling a little sad.

A few moments later, you see Spider Man swing by your window and off into town, towards the flashing red and blue lights.

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷♡꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

That was Tuesday, it's now Thursday night.

Sorry for dashing off last night, I forgot I had to pick some things up for my aunt!

Peter's message from Wednesday sits unopened on your phone. You have no idea how to respond.

♡.

Peter's all kinds of a mess right now. Terrified he messed things up by leaving so quickly the other night. Nervous that your date is canceled. He hasn't heard back from you since that night.

What if you're mad? Or now uninterested because of the way he ran out? What can I do to fix this? Peter's internal thoughts have been going haywire since Tuesday.

♡.

You phone buzzes as you begin to study for one of your exams. You decide to ignore it

Then it buzzes, and again.

You grab the device in anger with full intentions of putting it on do not disturb. Until you see the messages are from Peter.

Be ready tomorrow at 2.

I'm taking you somewhere nice to make up for my actions.

Is that sushi place still an option?

You smile and respond: Only if you show up on time :)

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷♡꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

Peter does show up on time, early actually. He takes you downtown, walking through little shops, trying to get the confidence to hold your hand.

Right now would be the perfect time.

The both of you walking along the sidewalk. Shoulder to shoulder.

Do it, Peter. You both think. And then, your thoughts separate.

I'm basically begging for it with the way I'm pushing my shoulder into his. From you.

What if she doesn't want that? And I ruin the whole moment? From Peter.

Fuck it. Peter steadies his breathing and goes to wrap his pinky around your index.

Just as his finger starts to brush against yours, you move your hand, running digits through your hair.

Peter curls and uncurls his fingers by his side.

"Ugh, this heatwave is fucking ridiculous," you hum, holding your hair into a temporary ponytail. Smiling at the boy.

To Peter Parker, you are the most stunning woman he's ever seen. And this moment encompasses that completely. Flyaway hairs framing your face, chest glowing from sweat, cheeks flushed from the heat, and smile beaming.

If only he could grow a pair and hold your hand.

"Yeah, tell me about it. The air conditioning in my apartment's broken. It's just me, a lonely fan, and a lot of open windows," he smiles at you, nervous of talking too much.

You can't help but feel your chest flutter every time he gives you that bashful smile. Something in the way his cheeks change color and his eyes dart around awkwardly keeping your heart pounding.

"Well. Anytime you feel yourself getting too hot, you can always come over," you wink and waltz into a nearby store, holding the door for him.

Peter feels his hands begin to shake, the temperature in his body rising and he suspects it's not from the weather. He follows you in.

You bounce around the shop happily, picking up the mini glass figures and examining each one, showing them all to Peter.

He gazes at you with a content smile on his face. He could get used to this.

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷♡꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

The hours come and go, but as five-o'clock draws near you and Peter begin to make your way towards the aforementioned sushi restaurant.

You step in and are in immediate awe. Neon red led's light up the dim rooms. Candles flicker on each table, illuminating the accompanying roses. The clack of your shoes reverberates off the black marble floor and falls in time with the soft jazz flowing through the building.

"Oh wow..." you breathe.

Peter walks behind you with a smug grin on his face. He aimed to impress you with this place. It seems he hit the bullseye.

"How many?" A very well dressed, middle aged woman asks, smiling.

"Just two." Peter answers.

"Follow me." The lady turns the corner after grabbing two menus.

After being sat and ordering drinks, Peter goes to look at his menu. You kick him (lightly) from under the table.

He jumps. "Ah! What was that for?!"

"You didn't tell me how nice this place was gonna be!" You whisper rather sharply.

"Well, I wanted to impress you. And make up for everything," Peter smiles.

"You can do all that without letting me dress like a slob to go to a place like this!"

"I think you look beautiful." Peter blurts. Eyes wide, face red.

"Oh." Your voice is just above a whisper. "Well.. uh, thank you," you smile at him and his whole world lights up.

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷♡꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

You exit the front doors of the restaurant, cold night air stinging your lungs.

"That was amazing, Peter. thank you so much," you stuff your hands into your pockets.

"Of course! I had to make everything up to you," he smiles down at you. Again, having the same battle of brain and heart over holding your hand, both of which being pushed further into your pockets.

"We definitely have to do this again," you begin to cross the street, assuming Peter follows behind you.

"Hey! y/n! Wait!" Peter's scared tone stops you in your tracks in the street as you turn to look at him.

"wha--" you hear a horn and can barely distinguish headlights from beside you before a pair of warm, rather strong, arms are embracing you - holding you an equally as strong body.

Your chest goes numb with adrenaline, face heating up from the proximity of Peter's face to yours.

"Oh my god. Are you okay?" His breath is heavy, warm chest pushing into yours and heart pounding.

"Uh... yeah... are you?"

"I'm fine. I think my ankle is bruised from the fall but it's alright, as long as you're okay."

Your chest continues fluttering but no longer from fear. The way Peter just smiled at you could light the whole world up.

"Here," you stand up, offering the boy a hand. "Let's go back to my place and assess the damage."

Peter takes your hand, following you back home.

You turn to him. "Thank you, by the way. You totally just saved my life."

⏪︎ peter's pov ⏪︎

Peter smiled, holding the door open as you exit the restaurant. He'd had such a great day with you so far, though he worried at every point he would make a wrong move and mess everything up.

He didn't.

"That was amazing, Peter. thank you so much."

This is it. Peter thinks. My best possible chance to grab her hand.

You stuff your hands into your pockets.

Shit.

"Of course! I had to make everything up to you," Peter smiles down at you.

"We definitely have to do this again."

Peter watches you step down from the sidewalk and onto the asphalt. His head snaps to the left, seeing headlights. A car. Moving fast. Right for you.

His whole body goes numb, heart pounding.

"Hey! y/n! Wait!"

You turn, freezing.

Peter feels a build of anxiety from his toes to his head. You're not moving.

The hairs on his arms stand up, and he's moving before his thoughts can catch up. And everything feels like it's in slow motion.

He lunges, wrapping his arms around you, pulling both of you back towards the sidewalk. Peter's ankle twists and he lands, back thudding against the pavement, holding you snug against him.

His breath is harsh.

"Oh my god. Are you okay?" Peter can feel your hearts pounding in the same, fear-driven tempo.

"Uh... yeah... are you?" Your eyes search his.

"I'm fine. I think my ankle is bruised from the fall but it's alright, as long as you're okay." And he means it.

"Here," you stand up, offering the him a hand. "Let's go back to my place and assess the damage."

Peter gladly takes your hand, also taking note of the smoothness, and the gentle way you lead him. He feels warmth slowly spread down his back, realizing his ankle might not be the only injury he sustained.

"Thank you, by the way. You totally just saved my life."

likes are appreciated but comments and reblogs are the desire. Remember they do more for authors and tumblrs than a like ever could.

[poopingonthefloor]

Davesport is Toxic NOT abusive

(((WARNING: PRETTY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT.))) I've seen some people making the claims that Davesport is comship/proship (ok well i've more seen people bitching about it) and im tired of the Davesport slander so this will be an analysis of their relationship. My motive isn't to force anyone to ship it or anything- i really dont care what you do with your life, my frustration is just when people try to make up REASONS why they don't like the ship, even though its literally canon (and not badly written). My main point is -- You can hate what you want. You don't need a reason, and it doesn't need to be bad just because you don't like it. But I will not take any slander on their ship nor any slander of people who like davesport. Davesport is absolutely toxic-- No DSAF fan would disagree. They are literally child murderers with little to no souls and literally are physically disfigured to the point they don't have the capacity to feel proper humanity anymore. You cant expect 2 men who live their lives willingly murdering and then partying in vegas to celebrate on repeat to be gentle and kind to themselves or anyone else.

However, its NOT abusive. I've seen multiple people (mostly from twitter screenshots) claim that Davesport is abusive or the way people portray it is in a fetishy or romanticizing way of abuse, when that's just not the case. I don't blame a lot of people, since a lot of it comes from reading context and intent of the artist, which not everyone is good at-- BUT I'm here to assure you that MOST people don't intend to do that much and just like to portray how their dynamic is canonically like or portray Daves obsession with Jack. Another argument I've seen (by a twitter screenshot...) is that people are comshipping Davesport because people draw Jack annoyed a lot at Dave when...thats not true? That's just Jack's personality, first off:

(From the Dave x Reader fanfic by Directdoggo)

"Jack is a bastardman not very touchy-feely. We can see this in many scenes, where Dave more or less says “I love you” and Jack responds with deflecting humour, or outright scorn. When Dave says it for the final time, this time, Jack tries to say it back, but can’t outright, only getting out: “Why is this so hard?” and “I hope you can find peace with what you’ve done.” Which Dave understood the meaning of. (Hey, better than Henry (LEGACY Jack) hearing “I love you” and proceeding to tear Dave limb from limb, huh?"

(Directdoggo describing Jack's personality)

I know it can be a little confusing to some people, but as someone who struggles with similar issues, just because he struggles to express intimately doesn't mean he can't love anything. Sometimes people are just different and communicating like that doesn't come as easily, even to the people you're closest to. To make it as easy as possible to comprehend-- He's quite literally a tsundere. (Minus the exaggerated ridiculousness in anime) He loves Dave, he just cant bring himself to say or act like it. The dismissiveness or rudeness in response to Dave's affection is not abuse, it's just a defensive response since he doesn't know how to say it back. (His way of being "shy") -- Also note its important that Dave UNDERSTANDS this about him by that point.

However Jack isn't the only thing I've seen regarding the claims that their ship is abusive-- and to debunk all of those I'm going to explain the three points that keep Davesport from being abusive, and I'll use Henry x Dave (which is what I'll call it to prevent it getting confused for FNAF willry) as an example alongside it since its super obvious why that one is messed up. Firstly, They are both bad people. By this point, Dave and Jack are murderers. It's just not surprising that they will be willing to kill each other at at least some point, considering they are willing to kill 5 year olds without remorse- and they'll both deserve it. It's only their own faults that they teamed up with the other, and it's meant to be the ultimate irony when Jack becomes even worse than Dave by "An ending". My point is- they're bad people. It's not like they're owed perfect company or would choose wholesome people to hang out with when they're literally both child murderers. Dave wasn't evil and didn't want to kill by the time he teamed up with Henry (and even after it was Henry's fault), so by that point his suffering was absolutely undeserved.

Secondly, They're lacking any specific power dynamic. Unlike Henry and Dave- whom have several levels of "Age, Father figure, and Employer", the most important one is that Henry is Dave's abuser. He manipulated him and purposefully harmed him both mentally and physically, whereas Dave never had any intention of doing either because Dave loved him and didn't want to lose him (because he had nobody else) This obviously much different with Dave and Jack, whom other than being taller and several years older than (which you can argue their 6 year age gap is weird but they didnt get to know each other till they were both older than 30 so by that point age difference doesnt rlly matter and (also theyre "mentally" like 24 and 22 canonically anyways (as much as I usually hate that argument)) Other then that they are only co-workers. This is a bit more arguable during DSAF 1, where Dave comes across more threatening and comes across like he's manipulating Jack, but I don't exactly count that because I wouldn't say theyre "shippable" or in their "situationship*" by that point (but also because them even being a ship was barely considered by the creator at that point obviously)-- whereas Dave is certainly more easily recognized as sincere to Jack in DSAF 2. Jack also is not someone who is afraid to defend himself against Dave, as shown by the fact he's willing to call out Dave's ridiculous behaviors (which is reasonable of him to do).

(Also from the Dave x reader fanfic) (I just think this specific screenshot debunks any sort of "power dynamic" claim)

My Third and Final point: There is a CHOICE involved I haven't really done much Dave defense in this post, but his defense is very simple: He is literally physically unable to comprehend guilt or conscience. Dave didn't want to murder anyone in the first place, but it was Henry who fucked with his (literal) head so much to the point he stopped being able to feel guilt. He doesn't care about murder and doing wrong because he CAN'T care. You can't really let that reflect Dave as a character when he's really not in control of himself in the first place. Now with that, that doesn't change the fact he could certainly affect and hurt people, and it's fully up to Jack as to whether or not he wants to deal with this purple man's freakish life choices and hobbies or not. And that's honestly super dependent on the ending you decide to base Jack on. Most people see the 'canon' endings to be: Gnarly ending (DSAF 1) -> An ending (DSAF 2) -> Good ending (DSAF 3) Where in all of these, Jack DOES choose to deal with Dave and basically is completely cool with murder. You don't have to follow those endings if you don't want to, but that's just typically what the modern "Davesport" is known for, but its what I'm using for my defense (considering this is a defense of both fandom and canon Davesport.) Though as opposed with Henry and Dave- Dave had no choice. Henry only ever manipulated him into thinking he did, and Henry made sure to feed this whole 'we will be a family' ideal into Dave (who never had one) so that Dave would be terrified to lose him. Jack never manipulates Dave (when teamed up with him), and Dave never manipulates Jack (tho arguable in DSAF 1 as well). They stay with each other despite all of their issues, and I believe its due to some co-dependency (imo I think Jack is also obsessed with Dave just in a different way before DSAF 3) Which isn't healthy, but not...inherently abusive.

I believe my main three points kind of cover the most of why I dont consider Davesport to be inherently a bad ship, but like I said- if you don't like it, none of that matters anyways. You dont NEED a reason to like something, and I wont try to convince you why you should ship something because I like it. Just don't hate it just because of what someone else says-- 90% of the dsaf fandom aren't comshippers, and Davesport isn't gross or "toxic /neg" just because it's not healthy. I think "Don't fetishize/romanticize literal abuse like its normal or sexy" and "We should explore more complicated and unhealthy dynamics" can and SHOULD coincide with each other!!!! I think Davesport is great because of how bittersweet it is that these two people finally found solace and acceptance in each other but couldn't get past the self-sabotaging nature of what Henry turned them both into, ultimately making it impossible to work out forever. I think embracing the Davesport makes the (kind of aged) trilogy a lot more enjoyable of an experience and I DO encourage any davesport skeptics to keep an open mind. [Pretend I wrapped this up super nicely I can never do that--- Also this is open for conversation and/or debate, and also yada yada my bad if i said something randomly terrible I have extremely poor social skills lol let me know so I dont do it again yada yada] *Also if anyone doesnt know a situationship is (at least in the context im using it in ive heard other definitions for it but its not a real word so i actually dont care) when 2(or more) people basically treat eachother like lovers but they never communicate this outright and dont technically officially date but like they treat and commit to eachother like a partner would) (So its kind of what all those people who playfully flirt and call each other their spouses as a commited running joke are in)

[ivesambrose]

𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐬 💌

July 22 through September 3, 2023, Venus will be Retrograde in the sign of Leo ♌

Here's what you can expect instead of focusing on the generic 'return of exes'. It's highly likely you'll be revisiting some themes related to your childhood, self worth and individuality. Close some chapters with grace so you can start new ones inevitably.

The messages are for your Sidereal Signs (however, if you feel that it's applying to your natal placements more then you are free to consider that) Rising and Moon are mostly considered in your Sidereal, you may check your sun sign as well. 🧡

Aries : There will be a strong focus on your physical health. I sense that if you're not eating well and not putting quality food in your body most of the time and drinking enough water it'll start to show on your face. This can happen because you're too focused on work and travel so you can't really maintain your routine and in turn you find yourself being extra critical of yourself and your appearance. Please avoid doing so. You're doing the best you can do don't add more stress and let it pile up. Even if you're mindful of your eating, drinking and sleep habits at least 5/7 times a week it will help. Learn to go gentle on yourself. Additionally, you might reconnect with old friends you have lost touch with or a community you were once a part of or pick up an incomplete project and finish it.

Taurus : opportunities that come with ease , collaborations, doing something that empowers you. Thing is, you'll be feeling the urge to get a lot done and might push yourself to look for opportunities when the advice is to allow them to come to you, you'll know on your own. You might feel like you're in the spotlight and it can get overwhelming for some of you. But I'm getting you'll be getting recognition for your creativity, make new friends, connect with a lot of people and likey even guide them in some way. There is a prospect of foreign travel too. Your dreams however are gonna be pretty intense and symbolic so pay attention to them.

Gemini : Finding joy in making daily little rituals for yourself, be it a workout regimen, skincare routine, study routine etc you'll be logging them and romanticizing them even. You just want to look after yourself. Some of you want to party and have fun but only with close friends and siblings. You'll be reconnecting with your inner child, watching more culturally diverse movies or shows. You're inherently very curious this time around, you wanna connect with people but it might feel overstimulating almost so you'll focus back on your well being. You may spend money on health, art supplies or travels so keep that in check. You'll also realize that you've barely scratched the surface of your potential and you should give yourself a chance before shutting yourself out.

Cancer : Healing of generational trauma and release of guilt that you've been suppressing. If certain issues resurface it's time to put it down completely. I see most of these are related to your self esteem, self worth and maybe even your childhood to early teens. You'll find it in you to forgive because you simply don't feel the need to carry the weight with you anymore. There might be challenges when it comes to education, higher education, travel, personal or religious beliefs that might come up momentarily. Take this time to look back on how far you've come and the progress you've made. You're always expanding and sometimes growing can be painful but it's worth it in the end. Be sure to appreciate the beauty within and around you a little more, it'll add up till that's your go to thing to focus on.

Leo : You can easily make the best out of this retrograde regardless of whatever you experience. A lot of you can see an increase in finances through creative work or if you're in the entertainment industry. You might consider dropping something rigid for something that let's you stand out individually and is spontaneous in nature or is something you've always wanted to do as a child. It will bring you travels, possible relocation and a lot of success, it is highly likely that a lot of you might consider leaving your current location since it's not allowing you to have fun or is detering your health, speaking of which please take supplements for your bones as heart health, take it easy. You'll learn to shine on your own but also honor the ones who have been rooting for you since day 1 or you'll learn to distinguish between those who've always sought to dim your light and those who have pushed you to do better.

Virgo : You'll discover a lot about yourself, you'll discover new friends, communities, ideas and places. You'll have more faith in the unknown or will feel interested in the occult sciences. You'll want to tap into the unknown and hone your gifts. You'll find that your thoughts, visions and words are manifesting a little too quickly. You might push yourself to be overly active in pursuits of your goals but will find yourself slowing down, you'll have to slow down and let things unfold for you. It might feel like a tiring time physically, random body aches, urge to sleep and dream more, dreams being a little too vivid and premonitive to your liking. Please stay hydrated you may be prone to lightheadedness. The art you make or any work you put out now, whatever it may be, will be very transformative for you and will pave the way ahead. Don't try to force things, be in the knowing of ease. Difficult when you want to micro manage but this retrograde is asking you to be a little more whimsical to enjoy your journey.

Libra : Renewal comes for sure once you become mindful of the ways you self sabotage. You might feel tested since a lot of cycles are clearing out. You will realise a lot of your future planning aren't as what they seem and that you need to be more fluid than rigid and no amount of stubborness or latching on will help, it will only cause health issues and a feeling of existential dread. This can be avoided too. You will also feel the need to change your routine or rather this will happen automatically for your own bebefit. Avoid self pity and escapism. Try and spend time near water bodies (stay safe) or try water painting, yoga, evening walks and for those into ballet or contemporary dancing, let limbs stretch and go with the flow. It's okay for some structures to break so that something better can be made. It's okay to let go when time comes.

Scorpio : In the past if you've felt that you have missed out on a substantial opportunity that could have grown into something significant or you've almost received something only for it to be taken away to the point you have felt betrayed by it, this time around you're going to manifest something even bigger for yourself, it won't feel like scarps. You might have conflicts internally or with others but it will get solved. I see you wanting more harmony in your life and the connections which matter to you and you'll have it. Be less self critical of yourself in your pursuit of perfection be it in your work, health, routine or the you're of service to others. Avoid any heavy or big financial investments, let the money come to you first the bigger investments can wait. The more you enjoy the mundane things the easier life will flow. The quicker your desires will come to you.

Sagittarius : You haven't been nurturing yourself enough, so even if this means cooking yourself a hearty meal or treating yourself to one, please do so. Eat well and let yourself feel your feelings, it's okay. You might realize you have been looking out for others so much that you feel neglected. Open up to receiving the tenderness, time, compassion and love you deserve as well. Some of you might be concerned with the health of a mother figure in your life, it will be alright. I see likely more alternate type of treatments might be a little more beneficial (ayurvedic or homeopathic for eg.) You may feel nostalgic or a yearning for family or home. Emotionally, I sense you're guarded and don't want to let anyone in, take your time to heal and appreciate you for yourself and how far you've come, with that being said let yourself be appreciated too.

Capricorn : Allow endings to empower you. They have a beauty to it. Once you accept it you'll see the path ahead clearly if not, it will become overwhelming. You'll feel a calling to take a risk and might be something you've clearly never experienced and aren't used to but you feel beaconed to it. There will be fall out with people or people in authority, things might feel distruptive, don't make your mind your enemy. You will encounter someone very unlikely who will aid in your journey, meeting them will be very transformative, like they have the answers you've been seeking. You'll feel more spiritually inclined and open to learning, seeking, exploring especially esotericism, cultures and languages. You'll find your silver lining, it will be brighter than you expected.

Aquarius : Taking on the role of a leader in your life and not everyone or anyone else's. Change of perception and a genuine desire to seek something more sacred. You'll be healing wounds and patterns from your past relationships. You may want to become self sufficient and self reliant and find this empowering. If you've been suffering from any skin ailments it might aggravate only to remind you look after your hygiene, stay clean and look for any ingredient that maybe causing further issues. Once addressed, it will no longer be much of an issue. You may want to detach from social media and travel short distances instead. Relationship with siblings will also improve, spend time with them aswell if you've been neglecting them.

Pisces : Trusting your intuition more. Gaining wisdom and insight from unexpected places and unsual people. You can often sense what other's cannot, so if you feel you should read between the lines and look for synchronicities, you should listen to what your inner voice is saying. It's also very important for you to learn how to have proper boundaries with people, it's genuinely hampering your energy and well being especially if you're in public places a lot. Be mindful of people, not everyone has their best interests towards you. You will take up something you'll feel like a complete beginner at but if you stay disciplined you'll excel in it. Romance yourself and your life first and foremost, write, draw, scuplt, edit, cook, weave, scuplt etc if you must. For you, I wanna say practice makes perfect. You already know this, so trust me it's okay if you're not automatically good at something. Convey what your heart seeks, your sincerity will be rewarded

╚══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╝♡╚══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╝

To book a personal reading with me you can DM or email me with your query at Ivesambrose@gmail.com

Personal Readings

Masterpost

Thank you for the tip 🌹

[hollowinmyheart]

Stephanie Garber surely has a great way of expressing love ,I couldn't help but make a post on some of my favorite quotes from SG's OUABH and Caraval series

-- “In the morning, you can forget it. You can go back to pretending you don’t like me, and I can pretend that I don’t care. But for tonight, let me pretend you’re mine.”“If it’s easier, you can pretend, too, You can pretend that I’m still Jacks of the Hollow and that you want to be mine.”- Jacks [TBONA]

-- “There is nothing of equal value to me.” -Jacks [TBONA]

-- "I’d rather go up in flames with him than watch while he burns.” - Evangeline Fox [ ACFTL ]

-- "I will love you with every bone in my body, so that even after my heart stops beating, a part of me will remain to forever love you"- Scarllet Dragna [Finale]

-- "Most of my life, I’ve romanticized death. I used to love the idea of something being so tremendous that it was worth dying for. But I was wrong. I think the most magnificent things are worth living for" - Donatella Dragna [Finale]

-- " This is my choice, and I choose you, Donatella. I don’t need immortality. You’re my forever" - Legend [Finale]

-- "I’m not trying to win her hand. I’m offering her mine, and everything that comes with it, hoping she’ll take it and decide she wants to keep it" - Julian Santos [Finale]

-- "She was the moth and Jacks was still the flame "- Apollo Acadian [ACFTL]

-- "He held her so tightly it hurt, but this pain she didn’t mind. She’d let him crush her, let him break her, just as long as he never let her go" - Evangeline Fox [TBONA]

-- "He held her with the type of intensity that only happens when a person wants something that isn’t quite theirs. But she was. She just needed to tell him she loved him" - Evangeline Fox [TBONA]

-- "He’d never understood why someone would watch another person sleep . . . until her" -Jacks [ACFTL]

-- "He would pull her through fire if he had to, haul her from the clutches of war, from falling cities and breaking worlds" -Evangeline Fox [TBONA]

-- "She wasn’t nothing to him. That she was everything. That he’d turned back time to keep her alive, and he would make the same choice again." -Jacks [ACFTL]

-- "He wanted to keep her pressed to the floor beneath him. He would have set the world on fire and then let it all burn just to keep holding her like this." - Jacks [ACFTL]

-- “Yes, I am a murderer. I enjoy hurting people. I like blood. I like pain. I am a monster, but whether you remember it or not, I’m your monster, Evengeline" -Jacks [ACFTL]

-- “To foolish hearts and fire! May you and Jacks only ever burn with passion and desire.” - LaLa Merrywood [ACFTL]

-- "I am Jacks’s true love. I believe it with the same confidence that I believe that water fills the oceans and morning follows the night." - Evangeline Fox [ACFTL]

-- “I’m never going to let you out of my sight. This isn’t just for now, it’s for always, Little Fox.” - Jacks [ACFTL]

-- "I don’t care if fate is real—because I don’t need it to decide for me. I don’t need it to make this choice. I’ve made my decision, Jacks. It’s you. It will always be you, until the end of time. And I’ll fight fate or anyone else who tries to tear us apart—including you. You are my choice. You are my love. You are mine. And you are not going to be the end of me, Jacks" - Evangeline Fox [ACFTL]

-- “I’m broken. I like to break things. Sometimes I want to break you.”

“Then break me, Jacks.” - Evangeline Fox [ACFTL]

-- "He considered setting the room ablaze just so that he’d have a reason to pick her up and carry her out, to save her one last time" - Jacks [ACFTL]

[fantasy-mixtapes]

Riz Gukgak Junior Year Playlist: side A

Heres the first side of the Junior Year Riz Playlist and the explanations down below, Spoilers for Episodes 1-10 in FHJY

Genres: Alternative, Anti Folk, Math Rock, Punk

1. Photosynthesis, They Might Be Giants

Photosynthesis does not involve a camera Or a synthesizer Although that's interesting, too Photosynthesis is how plants take in light From the sun and turn it into energy It's actually a thing on which most life depends Here on the planet Earth

GOD so when I'm not making these playlists I'm and environmental educator and when Brian was like "we're the photosythe-KIDS!" i nearly lost it. Gotta let this little nerdy kid have at least one nerd song as a treat to me

2. Dissonance, AJJ

My feet planted in different realities I've been doing lots of parallel planning and asking Does morals exist anymore? Wondering if society's all broken down yet I should probably know I should probably know I should probably grow some more plants in the window I should probably try I should probably try I should probably try to find a cure for this dissonance

One of the things I relate to Riz about the most is the way in which he is so hungry for explanation and, specifically problem solving. When they get dropped right back into normal teen life after having just saved the world and "cracked the case", Riz had to really switch into school mode fast (with the whole paying for college thing)

3. Stress, Jim's Big Ego

I'm addicted to stress That's the way that I get things done If I'm not under pressure then I sleep too long And I hang around like a bum I think I'm going nowhere, and that makes me nervous Everybody's out to get me, but I feel all right

Obsessed with the way that, if Brennan didn't let Riz take on the stress of other people in the party, he would literally be so normal about the downtime system. God help him and his nervous system.

4. Travelers Insurance, Their/They're/There

After all that we've done, You still skipped out on the beat of a different drum. Blurring the lines between failure and fortune

it's getting at Riz supporting so many people in his party, taking on their stress, organizing their extracurriculars, and literally tutoring them on subjects he doesn't know about. And they're definitely trying to keep everything under control, but sometimes it feels like when they mess up or make bad choices, it's Riz who has to take the L

5. Pitch Black, Heart Attack Man

Rock bottom smile bares its rotting teeth again Acts like there's nothing wrong and they're still my closest friend Romanticize the fondest memories and good times And hope that I forget the rest Rock bottom's grinning as it's creeping up again Dust off the depths and make me wish that I was dead again Hold out your hand to me Take me to a place in hell where Having self-esteem seems selfish and unhealthy

God the way that in Ep. 10 after Riz had that talk with his mom about everything he was just so despondent the rest of the episode about everything that was happening, and actually thinking about the toll his friendships were taking on him 💀

6. An Antidote for Strychnine, The Mountain Goats

Dig down amongst my calculations Check my maps Up there on the surface Everybody's gettin' ready for the bloodbath Stem the tide, stem the tide They're calling down for reinforcements Tryin' to find An antidote for strychnine Tryin' to find An antidote for strychnine

This has always and forever been such a Riz song for me and I feel like it really fits the tone of Riz looking into the soil, into lucy's death, into eventually the loam farm, reluctantly telling his mom about it. The moment when he thinks that something like what happened to Yolanda could happen to his mother and he gets really serious about it. AHHHHHH Something something isolation, something something taking on dangerous tasks by yourself just to protect the ones you love

[machatheo]

enhypen on them asking you out

genre: fluff ofc !!

a/n: + bit of backstory on how you both met too! p.s. bullet points get progressively longer by member lmao

heeseung

unlike heeseung’s presence whereas he looks pretty confident of himself, he’s actually extremely scared when he asks you out after one of his basketball games

awkwardly shifts on both of his feet while he waits for you to answer him, and when you say yes, he’s like ‘yeah good’ in the most normal voice he could muster (it ends up coming out as a stutter anyways)

on the first date, he brings you a flower bouquet with your favorite flowers (what a gentleman)

the place heeseung reserved to have dinner suddenly canceled so you both go on a late night walk instead

and then it starts to rain

heeseung is so so frustrated with himself because everything is going wrong and not how he expected

so he already feels like he messed up everything with you and you’ll never want to go on another date or even see him again

like he really really wants to impress you

but it just doesn’t according to plan

on the other hand, you can see right through him and secretly find him very cute with how hard he tries

and that’s honestly enough to make you fall harder

you do, in fact, assure that everything was amazing by giving heeseung a kiss on the cheek when you part

heeseung leaves all giddy and happy and red to his cheeks

jay

you meet him in one of your cooking classes after realizing that burning an omelette definitely meant there was something wrong with you

the twist, jay is the chef

and you keep messing up in his class so bad that jay can’t help but take pity on you

so he promises himself to take more of his time to help you but also because he finds you very pretty

so one day he’s like ‘oh there’s one free spot on this day so you should come’

and you are more than glad to agree because your cooking skills are pretty much non existent and you need them if you will need to survive alone

so you go and to your surprise, it’s literally just you and him

jay is not even in his work clothes so you get suspicious

“let’s call this a date”

if you could, you’d probably evaporate because hello!! you got yourself a free cooking class and a hot chef??

jay waits patiently for your answer because he’s not really sure if you’re actually into him like the way he’s into you

but you break his overthinking by yelling a “hell yeah!” and then internally facepalming because you probably just embarrassed yourself even more

jay only chuckles and then ‘in the most romantic way ever’ teaches you how to cook a proper omelette

jake

jake being your neighbor meant that you’d see him practically every day

he lives across your street but you never really talked with him that much other than small chitchat there and there

lately you’ve been extremely down and your only way to calm yourself is tending to your small garden (in your defense, it’s therapeutic)

sometimes you sit there for hours just to do anything than to think about all the problems

lately you’ve been finding flowers that you’re sure you do not grow in your garden

but you being you and romanticizing every single thing in your life, do not throw them out and rather collect them by putting them in a vase with water to keep them alive

soon those flowers come with little notes attached to them (‘you’re pretty :)’ ‘don’t be sad, you’re doing great’ and such)

you think it’s cute whoever’s doing that but then also now you really want to find out who is doing this

later when you do your usual ‘going around the neighborhood and asking if anyone has any dead plants they want to bring back to life’ (your neighbors are actually very glad you do this lol)

you come to jake’s and then notice he has those exact flowers growing on his porch

and you’re like well how did i not notice this

so when he opens the door, you don’t ask the usual but inquire him about the flowers instead

“took you long enough to figure this out”

for some reason you blush because jake is not reacting the way you thought he would be: embarrassed that he got caught

then he’s like “oh! i would’ve brought you this flower next” and then promptly disappears to come back with a new flower and a note

and it says ‘i really like you’

you’re actually very glad to see that because long story short, you’ve had your eyes on jake for quite some time now

sunghoon

it’s your birthday so your friends bring you to an ice rink to fulfill your ‘never will try this because you’re scared’ activities

you’re not that excited because, obviously, you hate not being able to properly balance yourself and now doing that on ice? no, thank you

but you’re still there and moments later you’re holding yourself up for dear life on one of the fences

you moved like two inches while all your friends seemingly forgot about your existence and are fleeting around the rink without care

and then, your knight in shining armor, or more like this very tall guy, comes to your side and holds out his hands

“need a hand?”

you’re like yes pls because your legs shake and slide across the ice with every single move

later you find out his name is sunghoon and he works at the ice rink by helping people while also being some serious ice skater himself

he gives you one of those penguin things children use to learn how to skate and then you tell him he kinda looks like one

he laughs and says because it’s your birthday, he’ll take that as a compliment

basically because of sunghoon, you keep coming back to the ice rink

and then one day there’s no penguin, no people, just you and sunghoon

you’re confused until he says it’s because he wants there to be no distractions

so you skate with him and you do get better time by time

“sorry i lied, i just wanted to spend more time with you alone”

and you’re like holy moly, this guy likes you back

so it truly was an unofficial date but you consider it as one because you think that’s where it all started

sunoo

you and sunoo have been besties for as long as you can remember

you share the same humor, the same judging people look and just in general, have a lot of similarities

you really think the universe couldn’t have assigned a better friend than sunoo

but you also hate the universe for giving you sunoo as a friend because you also kinda like him

but alas, he’ll never know because you’ll never tell him

then comes days when sunoo starts acting weird, cue ignoring your text messages, hanging out with you less

in sunoo’s perspective, he doesn’t do it on purpose, he’s just freaking out because of his new found feelings towards you so he goes to other people to get some insight on how to deal with this

you’re actually quite hurt because you don’t know what’s happening and keep thinking it’s because sunoo just lost interest in you

but then you also don’t want to back down, so you corner sunoo and don’t let him leave until he tells you what’s wrong

it takes him a bit to open up

and when he starts with “i don’t want this to ruin our friendship…” you get the worst feeling in your chest ever

because it really can go two ways: one, he’s so done with you, or two, he’s so in love with you

nevertheless, both of those options seem unlikely to you

but then he’s like, “so the thing is i realized that i like you”

and you’re absolutely taken back

and you hug him in an instant and sunoo’s very confused but he hugs you back

when you tell him your own feelings, both of you don’t really know how to start being in a relationship

because you’ve been friends for so long

but it does come naturally and doesn’t feel weird when you lean in to kiss your best friend

jungwon

jungwon is your self-proclaimed college enemy!!

or more like your competitor in every single academic activity

there’s a quiz going on? best believe you’ll ace it and leave jungwon in the crumbs

but it’s hard because jungwon is also very competitive and as soon as he realizes you’re trying to pass him, he bites back

so you always bicker whenever there’s a debate going on, or just in general

your teachers don’t see the ongoing dilemma but rather are so proud of both of your achievements

and that annoys you because in your book, you’re better than jungwon

so when the annual debate of two different colleges happens, you’re put together with jungwon as your partner to defend your case

and it’s crazy because you simply can’t stand being alone with jungwon, especially having to come up with the same objectives for the debate

lo and behold, you decide to put your differences aside and actually get some work done

which comes as a surprise because bickering aside, you can actually talk with jungwon as a normal human being

and it’s not that… bad anymore

you even catch yourself laughing and giggling at his stupid jokes

after the debate is over and you both absolutely destroy the other team with your planned out tactics, you and jungwon exit the building with a new kind of view of each other

one which has jungwon turning to you and asking you out on a date

and you don’t even have any thoughts of laughing in his face or making fun of him because you immediately say yes

niki

niki always comes around to your house to hang out with your older brother, jake

and your brother, being absolutely protective of you, doesn’t let anyone near you

including niki, even though he’s his friend

but you are infatuated by niki so you always try and get a peak whenever they’re playing games in the living room

because you think he’s very cute and you know he’s nice and would treat you good and you might like him now

so your only job now is to persuade jake to let you talk with niki

and it’s hard bc jake is glued to his hip like they’re related, and not you and him

on the other hand, niki also has got his eyes on you and one day when jake goes to the bathroom, niki puts up his best flirting game to get a reaction out of you

you, of course, immediately get swooned

and flirt back

both of you are in your own little world when jake comes back, sees you two together, then pulls you away and locks himself and niki in his room

you’re a bit disappointed because now you know you both like each other but jake is being an ass about it

and you’re pretty sure he knows it too

so while you throw a tantrum in your head, niki appears next to you

“jake gave me the green light”

you stare at him and he stares at you, and you both just stare at each other

but then there’s a big smile on your face as you realize the wall of jake has been lifted

it feels nice when your fingers finally intertwine with niki’s

[eldritch-spouse]

Good morning!! I’m just thinking about your demons again. I ADORE the new additions. 💕

What kind of traits do demons typically find appealing romantically? Like, I know how to woo these folks for the most part, but what passive traits do they find impressive?

Like, I know they’re diverse and no two people like the same thing. Just wondering about “beauty” standards in the circles (not beauty, we know about beauty, I can’t think of the right word). Like, I assume gluttons would appreciate other big eaters, or good cooks, and concubi can appreciate promiscuity of all sorts, or on the flip side, find purity appealing and/or cute.

(I especially would love to know what pride demons typically find attractive.)

[Thenk you! <:7]

That's a little bit vague, I'm not too sure where to go from here, so I'm kind of going to ramble. Not that it's hard to guess. I'll stray from physical descriptions.

There's a trick to this I'll explain at the end.

Wrath demons tend to romanticize hard-headed bulls who never back down from a challenge, as you might imagine. People who stick by their values and exude determination, not easily swayed. People hardened by time and their environment, who rise from the lowest lows to the highest of platforms with grace and respect.

Others may enjoy someone whose fury is subtle yet extremely well calculated, strategized, flawless. Of course, many of them fetishize murderers, violent miscreants of all kinds, serial killers and the aggressively insane;

Greed demons will naturally flock to anyone who's financially "abundant". People who spend carelessly because they earn carelessly. Though many of them will also keep a sharp eye on stingy people who count everything down to the last penny. Sometimes saving a huge chunk of money by executing a series of cheap and clever exploits is enough to have these demons fanning themselves;

Many other greedy demons have fallen for notorious heist authors, prolific robbers, successful scammers, and all sorts of scummy people;

Gluttons do gravitate towards chefs, big eaters and those who own large chains of food, maybe well-known restaurants or even some brands of snacks that they really like. It varies. Those who are always hungry are obviously picked sooner, followed by those with a variety of eating disorders;

Although not as common, some more well-off gluttons pick partners who are extremely thin or otherwise unable to satiate their hunger due to a less genuine drive to "fix" that, or somehow captivate that person by letting them overindulge;

Envy demons tend to hover around those with great social influence. People that fawn attention, people who can start shit in public and get away with it. Celebrities, moles, those who spread their roots everywhere and have way too many connections. A good ability to adapt socially in short spans of time is also extremely coveted in partners;

Likewise, those at the very bottom of the latter, practically foaming at the mouth with their jealousy, ready to perform the most heinous of acts to attain even a crumb of their desires, are also appealing to these demons. The perfect cup-sized storm ready to burst;

Discussed plenty already, concubi are lovers of shameless sensuality and high-libidos. People who control chunks of the porn industry are highly sought after, those who own sex shops, who design the toys they use and abuse, those who write eroticas or administer large kink communities. Where perverts gather so do they, always ready to pick and pluck their favorite heathens;

Still, the fantasy of purity and corruption is very present in many concubi alike, which is what leads them to infiltrate communities of sexually frustrated people and drive them insane with want. Many go a step further and seek to scandalize people of faith, engaging is rancid displays inside sacred locations because the thrill of getting someone so disciplined to give in makes their heads spin with pleasure;

Sloth demons are into soft-spoken people. Those who live very comforted lives with little to get in the way and all the pleasures they could wish for at the tip of their fingers. Those whose hands are uncalloused because they've never had to work for anything in their lives, who might even take it all for granted;

In stark contrast, many will also seek people who are exhausted in all senses of the word. Who can never seem to get enough rest, who work themselves to the bone, frail and weathered and so chewed up inside, the plight for a break present in those heavy bags under their sunken eyes;

Pride demons covet the image of perfection. Whether or not that immaculate presentation is true or not matters none so long as it appears that way outwardly. They seek someone who can elevate them, someone who usually has others trailing after them, people with titles and so much arrogance it might physically hurt to be near them for long periods of time;

Many are also opportunistic however, willing to pick a partner who is down in the slums, dirty and ridden of all dignity. Someone who can't afford to say no to them, can't leave them, will see them as very center of the universe because what would they be without that demon? Nothing. The truest form of adoration for them, total worship, total dependence.

As you might have already guessed, there's contradictions here. The reason why is simple.

Demons of lower rank will usually choose those who are more true and successful representations/reminders of their sin. Because they have a lot to gain from pairing with them.

Demons of higher rank are already after those who desperately need their services, who covet what the sins can offer. Because people in their service and debt make for good lovers, in their eyes.

Mid rankers are a bit of a toss up.

This is not to say that there aren't exceptions to these tendencies, or that they can't exhibit completely opposite tastes, it's the general rule, the norm so to say.

[spacexseven]

hi tuna hi hi 👋 I gotta quick one for ya. I was staring at one of dazais mayoi cards, the one where elise gives him a little stuffed bunny (can't send pictures over anon unfortunately but its called lamplit winter if you wanna look it up), and then i reread ur softzai piece and it made me brainrot really really bad so imagine. giving yan dazai a little stuffed animal...

like, look, I feel like dazai, even the crueller versions of him like subordinate darling dazai, is something of a sentimentalist. everything and anything darling gives him is a present and he wants to take good care of it. like, even something as innocuous as a pencil you dropped is something hell keep in a little shoebox beneath his bed. its all part of his delusion, his secret hopeless romanticism. touching (or heaven forbid, breaking) something he got from darling is enough to get people sent to the hospital, or even killed. so imagine ACTUALLY giving him a gift of some kind. youre at the arcade, you win a little stuffed animal, you give it to dazai cuz you have no use for it. you dont really think much of it, really, but HE sure does. mafia/subordinate darling dazai would be a special case. hed probably pretend he doesnt care for the toy at first, both to you and to himself (especially since subordinate darling would probably give it to him sarcastically), but he doesnt have it in him to get rid of it. hes always had a bit of a soft spot for cute things.... and the cramped storage compartment he lives in is so dreary...... no, nevermind that, he'll just. throw it over in the corner. whatever. no need to even go through the effort of disposing of it, thats how little he cares!

of course, he finds his eyes drifting to it more often than not, thinks about what you giving him something like that might Mean, etc. he still refuses to admit he appreciates it, or you, but then maybe one night... he finds himself having another nightmare... and as he sits there, cold, lonely, distressed... his eyes catch the little stuffed toy you gave him. before he can really think about it, he grabs it and drags it into bed with him. he was never given things like this, as a child, so holding it feels... nice. comforting in a way he hasn't experienced. it even still smells just like you; and if he closes his eyes, he can PRETEND its you... he can imagine himself holding you tightly, burying his nose in your hair, laying on your chest and listening to your heart... his little fantasies get him back to sleep very quickly, and it becomes routine. sometimes, if hes particularly lonely or the delusion has completely overtaken him for the day, he'll even talk to the toy like its you. I could also imagine this leading to him stealing some clothes from you, once your scent starts to be replaced with his own on the toy, nothing you'll miss, just a shirt or two he can use to supplement your presence while he sleeps!

I'll cut myself off here cuz I am going NUTSO but yeah. thats where my head is at rn <33

- 🩹

im so sorry for how long it took me to get to this omg these weeks have been hectic :( i dont know if i uslaly write dazai this gloomy but i like it

dazai treasures anything you give him leave behind, but instead of dedicating a corner of his room to your items and presence, dazai likes to spread things out in his place like how you might leave it if the two of you were together. he leaves a used tube of chapstick in the drawer beside his bandages, he places a half-empty tube of toothpaste beside his own in the bathroom (making a note to buy the same one as you from now on so it feels more real, this fantasy), he keeps your shirts stacked up beside his, trying to make it feel natural. somehow, the possibility of you living with him seems so far-fetched so instead, he turns to building the future he'd like with your missing items, playing into his little fantasy. of course, the obvious lack of furniture in his room is inadequate for you, too miserable to be called a house, unlike your own apartment with the wallpaper and the trinkets you have placed everywhere.

if anyone messes with anything lying around (unlikely, since nobody really visits him anyway), dazai would fly into a rage. every item has been meticulously placed in its appropriate place, and slightly nudging it away or putting it elsewhere would cause the fragile facade to crumble and demolish the delicate atmosphere. when he gets back at night, he makes sure to check that everything is in its place—the chapstick he so desperately wants to use (a pathetic attempt at getting close to you) but doesn't want to taint with his touch, the shirts he cradles so delicately, pretending you were there, when the loneliness feels more crushing than usual and he can't bear to accept his reality.

if you happened to give him anything, regardless of the reason, dazai would be over the moon. sure, when you casually ask him if he wants the stuffed toy you won, he scoffs and pretends like he's not interested, but ultimately takes it anyway. its soft texture and blank eyes don't mean much to him as it is, but knowing you were just holding it in your arms, experimentally squeezing it a few times before telling dazai you couldn't keep it, makes the toy the most valuable thing in the world for dazai. no matter how out of place the cute, round thing looked in his bandaged arms, surrounded by his coat, dazai found himself holding it tighter. with this, he can fool himself into believing this was a date and not just a detour from your usual work. he can lie to himself and think that you wanted to impress him by winning the toy, no matter how far it was from the truth.

the toy is painfully out of place in his dark room, not really looking right on the dresser or inside the closet. so he throws it onto his bed instead, thinking about how desolate it looked still. he doesn't think much of it until he goes to rest, observing the round toy sitting beside him. outside, the sky rumbled, and he felt his hand squeeze the soft belly of the toy. despite himself, he found himself smiling a little. it was sort of cute, with the blank eyes and stuffing. he'd never had something like this, and now that he did, he didn't know what to do with it.

while he was thinking about it, he realized the toy might have your scent, seeing as it was held by you for a while first. awkwardly, his arms wrapped around it and he pulled it closer, feeling like a child who had just received his first toy. it was soft; lacking the warmth humans had, but he wasn't about to be picky when this was already something he never had.

for a minute, he thought back to that pleased expression you had when squeezing the round stuffed toy in your arms, and he thinks you'd like to have it when you moved in. with his eyes closed, it's easier to pretend the inanimate object is more human and more loving. it's easy to imagine it was you in his arms, asleep, except for the lack of warmth.

dazai sighs and his eyes open, still holding the toy. it was nice while it lasted.

[sailoryooons]

Fix You | One | myg (m)

→ Summary:  Your crumbling relationship with Kim Taehyung finally reaches the point of no return after struggling to keep it going after a nightmare you're unlikely to forget. Min Yoongi is there to pick up the pieces – but you had no idea how ready he was to try and fix you.

→ Pairing: yandere!Yoongi x female reader | ft. taehyung x female reader

→ Rating: NSFW & 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging with this content. Any minors discovered interacting with adult content will be blocked immediately.

→ Series Warning: This fic is unsuitable for some audiences. This work contains morally reprehensible behavior, graphic depictions of abuse and murder, stalking, morally ambiguous and morally corrupt characters, and is overall labeled as dead dove do not eat. Each chapter will have a specific set of warnings, but this is your series warning.

→ Series Disclaimer: The members of BTS that appear in this fic are for face and name claims only. They do not represent real-life depictions and are not intended as reflections of characters or values. This is a work of fiction, please treat it as such. This work in no way, shape, or form, seeks to condone abusive and violent behavior.

→ Type: Series

→ Word Count: 6,647

→ Genre: yandere, smut, psychological thriller

→ Main Masterlist: here

→ Series Masterlist: here

→ faq | series playlist |

→ Part of Hali's Happy Agust writing event

→ Chapter Warnings: Mentions of a traumatic experience, mentions of readers father murdering mother during a psychiatric episode, toxic relationship behaviors, failing relationships, reader is kind of a bitch, mentions of trauma and anxiety, a lot of negative thoughts (reader is just upset that she doesn't feel like she is mentally healing), bickering, Taehyung is an asshole in parts but he is Trying™️, reader is very clearly not in a good mental state, mentions of therapy, mentions of triggers that cause ptsd / traumatic responses

A/N: I'm going to be honest, I am for once in my life sort of free-writing this. I have a very loose plan, but I'm a little overwhelmed by all the WIPS I have so I decided to go with the flow on this one. I'm a little unsure how many chapters it's going to be, but I'm thinking between 10 - 12. I have never written a psychological thriller before, but it is a genre that interests me. Please ensure you are reading warnings - I am not trying to romanticize any of the actions featured in this work. This follows the story of reader who has had something traumatic happen, and her journey into... worse things. It's a psychological thriller. Not a romance. Please do not bully me or be hateful about a piece of fiction - I really wanted to branch out my genres.

TAG LISTS ARE NOT AVAILABLE FOR THIS WORK DUE TO IT'S SENSITIVE NATURE. PLEASE DO NOT ASK TO BE TAGGED.

You wake up most mornings screaming. Today is no different.

It mostly happens the same way each time: thrown into sudden alertness, heart beating hard and adrenaline pumping through you so hard you swear you can hear the roar of the rapids in your ears. Sweat clings to you as you crawl from the grave of sleep, clawing at the body bag-like sheet that sticks to your every surface.

When it first started to happen, the adrenaline made you vomit. Sometimes onto the vinyl flooring of your bedroom. Sometimes directly onto your blanket – you’d bought almost seven of them in the past year.

The sickness still haunts you when you wake up, but you’re not vomiting in terror anymore. You’re unsure if it’s because your body has muscle memory. Either way, you’re grateful you can have a glass of water at night without worrying about retching every time your alarm goes off.

Panting, you rip back sweaty covers. They peel from your skin like a second layer, a snake shedding skin every morning before you slither from your bed. The floor is freezing, making you shiver as you dart with acute awareness toward the bathroom, flicking the light on.

Shadows dance across your room. There is a salt lamp in the corner, the orange glow a warm, comforting light that helps you fall asleep. You don’t sleep in the dark anymore. Not after what you have dubbed The Incident.

You turn on the shower and the steam billows over cool white tile and muted, neutral tones. It smells like the eucalyptus bundle tied to the shower head – a recommendation by your therapist. It’s supposed to calm you, though it truly does nothing for the anxiety.

At least it smells nice.

Hot water peels another layer of skin-like terror from your frame. Escaping the sheets is the first part of every morning. Burning away the looming sense of terror is the second part.

This is your ritual. You’ve learned how important routines are. Before The Incident, you had never really considered a ritual or routine. Things were done as needed, you flowed with every bend in the river and every dip in the hill.

Even a slight deviation from your plans now is enough to send you into a panic attack. The spontaneity of life, the terrifying unknown that at any second, everything could flip.

It happened to you once. Why shouldn’t it happen again?

You grit your teeth when you get out of the shower and tap your phone. Taehyung had stood you up for spending the night again, and when you see that your texts to him asking when he was coming over were read at 2:15 in the morning, it’s all you need to know he was out.

Out.

That has become more common for him. Spending time with friends or his brother. Giving you space, despite not having asked for space. You want to beg him to stop giving you fucking space.

Taehyung is the only thing that is a deviation in your life. It makes little sense since you had once been sure of him. But now, it’s difficult to communicate. To cross the gap rapidly growing between the two of you. He’s been bending to the point of breaking, and you have already broken far too severely to meet him halfway.

You feel your temper flare. Just one night. Just one night of comfort. Of reliability. Of things being like they used to be. How many times over the last year and a half have you asked him desperately to just be patient with you?

Too many times.

Taehyung doesn’t say it, but you see the flare in his nostrils when you ask. The slow closing eyes as he takes a deep breath. Counts to five. Opens his eyes, liquid caramel, to look at you and nod curtly.

A small voice whispers he’s been trying. It’s you, not changing.

The louder voice is a hiss: take as long as you need. He should change with you.

If your anger is an animal, it is a black mamba: striking, inky, lethal. You do not hesitate to let the wrath coil and strike. You don’t pull back your venom, delivering each bite and insult with as much pain as possible.

You hate it about yourself – there is a list, but this seems like the easiest one to tackle.

Instead of responding and letting the oily wrath wind you up and encourage you to send a string of texts, you lock your screen and ask your Alexa to play your morning playlist. Soft, soothing sounds of piano fill the apartment. Nothing like the haunting melodies and terrifying crescendos of Mozart, but soft music made for a coffee shop.

Classical music often sounds too haunting for you now, and you hide from all of the parts of the world that could make you feel shadows. Anything to avoid shaded corners, and opaque feelings.

Have you always been afraid of the dark? Your therapist asked.

Quite the contrary. The dark was something that you never had any reason to fear. You’re sure you remember having a healthy aversion to it as a child, but as you grew older, it never occurred to you that monsters could be real. Shakespeare had spoken truly: Hell is empty and the monsters are all here.

You follow the rest of your morning routine: get dressed. Pack your bag. Make your coffee. Grab lunch from the fridge. Head to work.

The organization doesn’t rule your life in all places: there are still piles of shoes by the door, both yours and Taehyung’s. There are piles of books on the table and dishes in the sink that are starting to smell a little too ripe. Your fridge and pantry are not color-coded and you still lose things.

But things are always in the right place in the morning for you: your mug next to the coffee machine, your lunch in the fridge, your purse on the dresser.

There have been terrible mornings when Taehyung had taken your mug from the counter after your shower and left early for a meeting before you, and it had sent you into a spiral so bad that you called him crying, unsure if you were awake or asleep and begging him to come home.

You think that is perhaps when Taehyung no longer started to bend. He had been bending for so long that he had lost all elasticity, dropping until he was boneless and tired.

Tired of you, tired of being woken up, tired of being summoned at the sound of you screaming in your apartment or over the phone.

Sleeping at Taehyung’s is no longer an option. His bed is comforting enough: it smells like him, it’s bigger than yours, and it’s soft. But it’s somewhere you haven’t lived in enough to know every corner, every cranny. You have not spent weeks seeking out the apartment yourself. You have no way to guarantee that your cup will be where you fucking needed it in the morning.

Somewhere between leaving your parking garage and work, you drift. You don’t remember where your mind goes or what songs play through your speakers. When you shut the car off, you stare at the concrete wall of the garage at work and realize you have no idea if any of the lights you passed were green.

It’s like that sometimes.

When you enter the elevator, you shed your third skin of the morning. The last remaining dregs of the nightmare slip away and stay in the parking garage to haunt the shadowed corners filled with cobwebs.

Good. The nightmares have no business being at your job.

Cool air greets you when the elevator doors open. There is a massive sitting area front and center to the editing floor of Kim Publishing, with cute chairs and soft couches. Behind it, there’s an all-glass conference room with empty chairs, dim lights, and presentation screens.

You pass the break room to the immediate right, freshly redone backsplash over the sink and countertops, the smell of coffee drifting through the galley-style window as Lido waves at you from where he blinks tiredly at the machine.

Through a narrow hall of glass-walled offices and out into a complex maze of cubes and cubbies is where you find your little corner of the world, desk lamp dim and diffuser powered down. Jimin isn’t in yet, his laptop closed and his string lights muted.

Jimin is your favorite person in the world, perhaps even more than your boyfriend. You think Taehyung knows that and is grateful that you have Jimin – it gives someone he can share the load with.

You frown when you hang your purse on the hook next to the mini-locker of your desk wall. There’s a cup of coffee on your desk, a green stopper sticking out of the top. You lean over and turn it by the lid, rolling your eyes when you see the note scrawled in neat, slanted writing.

Hope today is a better day.

It would be a better fucking day if Taehyung hadn’t stood you up the night before again. Yanking the chair from under your desk, you sit down and nudge the coffee out of your way, determined not to give it any mind. Buying you coffee won’t make up for the shitty move he pulled.

You try not to think about how it’s been months of this: canceled plans, little fights that always end up with you crying and him apologizing or you apologizing and saying I’m trying followed by his I know.

A coffee on your desk in the morning to say sorry. A note on your screen to try and make up for him not knowing what to say. Sometimes there was even a donut from your favorite place with the coffee, though you had no idea how he made the time to drive out of the way for them – though the gesture was usually appreciated.

Usually being the key word.

Powering everything on, you eye the coffee again. Decide that letting it go to waste isn’t rebelling. You toss the stopper in the trash as Lido passes, warming his hands on his cup. There is a tap on the divider wall between you and the other desk, making you jump in your seat.

“Jesus,” you gasp.

The sound of rolling wheels on the carpeted floor sounds before Yoongi timidly peaks around the front of your desk, which faces the open office with windows and cabinets at your back. “If I could turn water to wine, I assure you that you’d be sipping Prosecco.”

“Hmm. Don’t tempt me.”

Yoongi grins and you grin with him.

Quiet, gentle Yoongi usually keeps to himself. He seems to really only ever talk to you and occasionally Jimin, hard-pressed to roll himself away from his darkened desk. The wall between the two of you is too high to peek over at one another, but you think he wouldn’t bother anyway.

As a senior editor, Yoongi should have his own office. They’re still constructing it – have been for the last seven months – but he’s content to sit on the other side of your wall, tapping occasionally to see if you’re there.

On mornings like this where you are the first two people in the office, he’s more likely to peel himself away from his quick typing. Your coworkers call it the turtle coming out from his shell when he speaks, despite you asking them to stop.

Yoongi is cute – there’s little denying it. Long, black hair that glows like spilled ink behind his ears – which he is often tucking said hair behind. Stormy eyes that remind you of the sea churning against dark cliffs as the thunder rolls. A soft mouth that seems painted to pout, often blush-pink from how often he chews his lips. A button nose that he scrunches when he doesn’t like something, and broad shoulders that he hides under blazers a pinch too big.

But Yoongi is quiet. Unsettlingly so, to most.

The first two months he had been with the company, you can’t remember him speaking much. Your coworkers tried to include him in things, but after the incredibly painful first-day lunch with the team and his refusal to acclimate smoothly at team building, everyone left him alone.

You think he prefers it that way. You don’t blame him.

Despite Yoongi being painfully shy and rarely speaking unless he has to discuss his work, present, or assign editors’ work from above, you liked his calm demeanor. It began to grate your nerves how much Jess and Yelena complained that it was weird that he doesn’t have social media, or that no one knows anything about him, or that he has no idea what TikTok is.

“Did you finish A Little Life yet?” He asks.

“Ugh. Talk about torture porn.”

His laugh is deep and those feline-sharp eyes of his glitter. “Torture porn? Is this another term I don’t know because I am from ye olden days?”

“Please, you are not old. Don’t let those assholes bully you into thinking you are.”

His cheeks are blush-kissed as he tilts his head down. “Thanks.”

“And to answer your question, no. But it’s like the author gets off on hurting characters. Jude literally never had a moment of happiness. Ever. It is pain for him the entire way through.”

“But it’s like that for some people, you know? Sometimes there is no reprieve.”

“I mean, I guess? It’s kind of dark to think that it will always be that way though. I like to try and have a little hope.”

Yoongi shrugs. “Some people were made to suffer.”

You weren’t meant to be here, you were made to punish.

The words come back to you, a bad memory. As quickly as you flashed the smile at Yoongi, it’s gone. He sees your smile drop and his eyes round, unsure what he’s done. You shove down the sour feeling of emotional rot boiling your stomach.

You shove the coffee around with your pointer finger. “I guess. Lots of emails this morning. Yikes.”

He hesitates. “Yeah.” He licks his lips. “I’m sorry if-“

“The turtle is out!” Yelena’s voice ruins whatever apology Yoongi is about to make. You throw her a nasty clare over the top of the screen, but she ignores you. As usual, her eyes are for Yoongi. “Morning, Yoongi. How are you?”

“Fine.”

Yoongi unsticks the wheels from the carpet. Rolls to his side of the cubes. Does not ask Yelena how her day is. She rolls her eyes and continues to her cube, squealing at Lido who is her cubemate that she doesn’t like the smell of his cinnamon coffee.

There are two gentle knocks against the wall between you and Yoongi. Your lips twitch and you sigh, knocking back twice.

Once for bad, twice for good.

It’s a good morning. You are determined to make it so.

So you sip Taehyung’s apology coffee, and get to the emails in your inbox, drowning out Yelena’s yipping and letting the phantoms of your nightmares drift away.

 -

Someone looms over your desk. You look up, blinking the focus from your eyes. You have been dialed in, reading through a new manuscript for a fantasy series. Taehyung looks down at you over the monitor screen.

Taehyung is the most beautiful person in the world, you think. When your mother was alive, she had warned you that poison dart frogs were beautiful as well. She had admitted regret for the statement after your first year of dating him. In your mother's mind, there was no one better for you than Kim Taehyung.

It feels like her death has made the words come true somehow.

His golden hair is styled backward off his forehead, a single strand escaping. He had dyed it gold a few months ago, and though you love his dark hair, it suites his honey-toned skin and his caramel eyes. His bone structure is flawless, dusky lips pulling into a tentative smile. High cheekbones, symmetrical face, piercing eyes with a gaze so intense that it used to be hard for you to keep eye contact with him for long.

“Hi.” His voice is deep and soft. It’s made for crooning, and you love the sound of Taehyung singing to old jazz records while he’s cooking or in the shower. Your stomach flips. He looks tired – sounds tired. “Do you want to go to lunch?”

“I’m pretty busy.”

“Oh. Alright. I was going to go to Kaiju – do you want me to bring you back a roll?”

You start typing again. The anger from this morning sours the thought of him doing something nice for you, despite the coffee he brought you being drained dry. Sushi is one of your favorites, and you haven’t been in a while. “I guess, thank you.”

“Okay.” He chews his lip for a moment. You can hear Jimin typing louder than usual, studiously trying to ignore the awkward tension that is now invading your shared space. “Love you?”

It comes out like a question. One that you don’t have the answer to. Does he love you anymore? Things have been difficult and you feel him drifting away, no matter how many times you try to rationalize that sometimes couples go through tough times.

You feel the strain when you nod. “Love you.”

And you do love Taehyung. It’s just... not easy anymore. You feel stuck, trapped between the nightmares you have at night clawing to be let in and the nightmare of your days riddled with difficulties and misunderstanding.

Taehyung was great when your parents first... passed. Passed is the word you’d started using -like putting a tiny bit of antiseptic on a gaping wound.

It isn’t healing.

At first, he hadn’t left your side after their death, and he had held you through the nights when you were screaming and shaking, or you couldn’t sleep. He was there to press a kiss to your brow, to step into the shower because you couldn’t be alone. He stared at the ceiling with the lights on in your room when you were unable to stand the dark.

It’s been over a year and a half of this, and he’s still here. But he looks tired – says he’s tired. He won’t say it to your face, but he’s angry with you. Angry that you’re not better. Angry that you can’t fix it. Angry that he’s given up so much for you.

Your keystrokes become angry. You have given up plenty for him. You refused a promotion out of fear of nepotism, not wanting to gain more animosity because you were dating the owner’s son, despite said son working in the talent acquisition department and having nothing to do with how you perform.

You have already made concessions. You are trying and spending a good chunk on therapy to be better for him. Just like he had asked.

“You okay?”

“Fine,” You snap at Jimin’s question, irritation viper-quick. You can sense his expression before you sigh and look at him. His blond hair is styled perfectly, brushed back off the forehead, and exquisitely coiffed. “Sorry, Jimin. You didn’t deserve that.”

He doesn’t. For the last year and a half, he has been your only real friend. You have pulled away so much from everyone else that besides Taehyung – and Yoongi at work – Jimin is the only one actively checking on you.

Jimin is an angel. He looks the part: beautiful half-moon eyes that glitter every time he smiles, lush lips made for a Botticelli painting, dainty features that blur the line of feminine and masculine day to day, and a slim, rounded nose that softens him.

He is also impossibly thoughtful and forever kind. He doesn’t get mad that you snap at him. Instead, he spins in his chair, leaning back and linking his hands behind his head. Today he’s in ripped jeans, Chelsea boots, and a creamy Chanel sweater.

“What’s the deal?” He asks, eyes flicking you up and down. “More fighting?”

“Honestly? No. We’re not fighting so much as being angry in silence.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah. He was supposed to spend the night last night and instead, went out for drinks with Jin.”

“Brother bonding?” You shrug. “He’s been doing that a lot.”

“Yeah. It’s not fun.”

“Have you talked to him about it?” You scoff and roll your eyes. You start typing again, hating the question. Of course you’ve talked about it. You've talked about it a million times. “I’m serious, you have to talk to him about it.”

“And say what? The same thing I've already said a million times?”

“Say that if he can’t do this anymore, he needs to say so.”

Your blood runs cold. You turn to look at Jimin, emails forgotten. You clench your teeth for a moment, taking a deep breath in through your nose. “You mean tell him to break up with me like he’s been wanting to do for months?”

“You don’t know what’s the case.”

“Right. It doesn’t matter. You’re right. He should just break up with me if that’s what he wants.”

Jimin sighs. “That isn’t what I meant, darling. I’m sorry I made you feel worse.”

“It’s okay.” You stand. “I’m going to catch some fresh air. I’ll be back.”

-

When you get back from your walk, there’s a plastic box of takeout sushi on your desk. Your mouth flickers in a soft smile. You’ve been an ass and you know you owe Taehyung an apology. Probably more.

Jimin gives you a questioning look and with a long, gentle sigh, you nod your head.

Walking is good for you. Sometimes you need to get away and organize your thoughts. It’s so easy for them to get entangled and ensnare you, trapping you within your mind until you’re helpless.

That’s where your demons always find you. Lost in the tendrils of frustration, hopelessness, and self-doubt.

Ever since your parents died, it has become incredibly difficult not to spiral into terrible moods that often leave you feeling gutted. You’ve lost most of your friends at this point. People got tired of having to wear heavy armor for your anger and walk on eggshells around your feelings.

Canyou blame them? You don’t think so.

Angela, the only therapist that you’ve liked so far, keeps telling you that it’s not your job to comfort people about the result of your trauma. If they cannot handle you at your worst while you’re working on it, then you should let them go.

You went through something most people never have nightmares about, Angela had said. It is not your job to remind people that you’re still healing.

While you like that Angela says that, you also wonder if that’s the best advice. Responsibility is a two-way street – your friends are not responsible to mind their every word around you either. Especially not as you approach two years of being like this.

It’s hard. You don’t know what’s right. All you know is that you still feel bad about it, and you’re unsure how to fix it. More time, you think. With more time.  

Tossing the endless thoughts into a drawer in your mind, you slam it shut and lock the key to sit down and enjoy your lunch.

Popping open the top, you frown and eye the sushi roll. It doesn’t look like your regular – and you only get two specific rollsfrom Kaiju. Picking one up with your finger, you inspect the creation. You see the bit of green and it smells familiar.

Anger tickles your belly.

“Jimin, can you try this and tell me if this is asparagus?” you ask cryptically, handing out the roll to him.

“Bleh,” he grimaces. “For you? Yeah.”

Jimin holds out his hand and you drop the roll into his palm. He pops it into his face and takes a few inquisitive chews before his face sours, eyes closed into half-moons and lips puckered. He grabs his wastebasket and spits, something that would normally make you laugh, but not in this case.

He sticks out his tongue, making retching sounds as he unscrews his water and takes a few long swigs. “Definitely asparagus. Is he crazy? Aren’t you allergic?”

Your smile is bland. “I am allergic, Jimin. Thank you for remembering that small detail that apparently the man I’ve been dating for over two years cannot.”

“Yikes.”

You push yourself up from your desk and march past Yoongi’s desk. His cat eyes have a question in them, peering at you over his monitor. You shake your head as you pass, storming toward the stairwell that will take you up to Taehyung’s floor. You hope that by using the stairs, your anger won’t be as pointed.

It doesn’t work.

Your steps are fueled by irritation as you march through the marketing and acquisitions office. Eyebrows raise as you go – probably because these departments rarely see you visit Taehyung anymore, in addition to the fact that there is probably steam coming out of your ears.

Taehyung, thankfully, has his own office as a senior talent acquisition agent. His job is to browse social media, blogs, and any other digital space for aspiring authors who have promise. He received the promotion a little over a year ago after breaking Kim Publishing into the fanfiction space, finding the diamonds in the rough among talented online writers.

When you storm into his office, he looks genuinely surprised, hesitating to take a bite of the sushi that he was preparing to swallow hole, you’re sure. You close the door behind you and yank on the cord for the blinds, the soft zzzz as they close echoing your irritation.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” He asks, setting the piece of sushi down.

“Me? What the hell is wrong with you? I’m allergic to asparagus.”

“And?”

You all but throw the plastic container of sushi at him. His nostrils flare and the vein in his jaw ticks. Good. If he rises to the occasion, you can at least get through this fight without feeling guilt.

“This roll has asparagus - why would you get this for me?”

“I just ordered a roll I thought you would like, I don’t know!”

“You think I like allergic reactions?”

“No! I didn’t know what was in it?”

“Why wouldn’t you just order what I always get?”

He throws his hands up. “How would I know what you get? We haven’t eaten out together in almost four months.”

“Oh, so now because we don’t go on dates you’ve forgotten things you’ve known since we started dating over two years ago? Even Jimin remembered I was allergic to it!”

“Dude, can we not do this right-“

“I am not your ‘dude’ Taehyung,” you seethe. Spit flies out of your mouth with the force of the words. You feel the snaky feeling of your anger coil, ready to strike. “I don’t understand how you fuck up something so easy.”

“Lower your voice.” He drops his tone, deep and commanding. He sits forward, pressing his palms on his desk. His chest rises and falls as he starts getting worked up, eyes like thunder. “We are in an office.”

“Don’t speak to me like I’m a child.”

“Then don’t throw a fit like one. It is a fucking sushi roll, Y/N. You didn’t eat it. It’s not the end of the fucking world. I got it wrong – I am sorry – but to come in here screaming at me like this is insanity.”

Taehyung realizes the moment he says the word that he’s made it worse. You flinch back like you’ve been slapped. That word rings through you over and over again, ricocheting off each corner of your mind.

“Baby, that’s not what I meant.”

Insanity. Insanity. Insanity.

You’re being insane. You’ve lost your mind.

How many nights had you worried about doing exactly that? How many sessions with your therapist had you begged her to tell you if you were going insane? How does one measure insanity? Is it when you were often being irrationally or was it when you started experiencing delusions?

There were so many definitions and you were afraid of them all.

But most of all, you were afraid of becoming your father. You were afraid of succumbing to the type of insanity that people talked about when you lost the battle against your weakening mind and slipped into a delusion that ended in killing your wife and chasing your daughter into the dark basement of your home.

The type of insanity that was painted on news articles and stations and social media and everywhere you looked for the rest of your life.

Man Murders Wife He Believes Is A Demon.

A Daughter Survives Brutal Murder, Escaping to Basement for Two Days.

A Father and Husband Commits Murder-Suicide – Leaves Behind Only Daughter.

Suddenly, you no longer feel angry. You feel sick, the hunger clawing its greedy talons at your stomach is replaced with something insidious. Bile burns the back of your throat as blood rushes in your ears, that insult carving out a space in your head.

Never in your relationship has Taehyung used that word, you think. You can’t remember him using it when you first started dating – especially after he met your father, who was a gentle soul dealing with severe PTSD issues and a slipping mental, growing worse with time.

He’s never used it especially after The Incident.

Taehyung is still apologizing, face pale as he stands, hands held out in front of him like he’s trying to placate a child or a wounded dog. Perhaps you are no better than a wounded animal, caged and corner. Maybe you should be put up for adoption.

Or maybe you should be taken out back and given the same treatment as Old Yeller.

“Baby-“

“Fuck you.” It comes out with trembling force – you realize you’re shaking all over. “Fuck you, Taehyung. I cannot believe you just said that.”

“I didn’t mean it-“

“You did,” you snap, ripping the door open and leaving the boxed sushi on his desk. “You did mean it. And maybe you’re right. Maybe I am crazy. Just like my dad, right?”

Taehyung doesn’t have time to respond. You’re out of his office and into the hallway, leaving much faster than when you came. You don’t know if anyone is looking at you or how loud you were being. All that you know is that you’re crying and you’re not holding it together very well.

How professional.

When you get to the stairwell, you make it to your floor but you don’t re-enter the offices just yet. Instead, you sit on the stairs and let your head fall into your hands, tucking your knees under your elbows to support the weight of your crying.

You keep the sounds as soft as you can, but you can’t hold back the hot tears that run down your face. Your stomach is queasy, a mixture of adrenaline, anger, and something else that feels awful.

It’s difficult not to sink into the thoughts that this really is your fault. Your situation with Taehyung. Your inability to just process your grief like a normal human being and move on. You’ve read so many books on how to cope with grief and how to deal with a loss of a loved one, but none of them really help.

You need a book that is specifically detailed on My Dad Killed My Mother During A Mental Episode and Chased Me Into A Basement Where I Hid for Two Days.

Barnes and Noble didn’t have that volume. You checked.

Of course, there were people who wanted to write your story. Your answer was the same: what story? Your dad wasn’t a fucking science experiment or some case of insane people being criminals and murderers.

For as long as you can remember, your dad’s service in the military had left him a little off. Shortly after your fifth birthday, he retired with full honors. He took a job at a local library – he loved to read, like you – and that’s where he stayed.

Your mother was a true matriarch. Strong and proud and beautiful, with the mind of a whip and intelligence to boot. But she was so gentle, a kind soul who liked making muffins on Sunday mornings with freshly picked blueberries from the garden. Your dad liked to garden.

It’s difficult to remember exactly when he started to see and remember things incorrectly. Even in those first few years of your childhood, his nightmares woke you up in the middle of the night. You even remember hearing him in the kitchen once, drawing you out of your room to see what the noises were.

There was nothing like the terror of your father grabbing you at ten years old and pressing you close to him, whispering Shhh. They’re coming.

Nodding, you had obeyed, following his nightmare. He was sitting with his back against the cabinets next to the fridge, keeping his eyes on the front door. He opened an arm for you to slide against him and you did. He smelled like aftershave and your mom’s perfume, and his embrace was warm as he wrapped his arm around you.

You had stayed with him trembling and silently crying for two hours before your mother found the two of you. Your dad had already drifted back to sleep, leaning against the counter and you were tucked into his side, too afraid to move in case they saw you.

It had been a hard night for your mother. Seeing the fear in your eyes. You had been so afraid to let your dad go, telling your mom over and over that he said they were hiding in the kitchen.

On his worst days, that memory always bubbled up. Just a dad and his kid sitting in the kitchen, united in an unnamed terror.

The terror - they - could have been anything or anyone. It was different over the years. Sometimes he had nightmares or memories of something he had seen as special forces – the ones who went in to do terrible things silently and slither out.

Other times they were…. you weren’t really sure.

A strong imagination and a pension for fantasy novels were something you and your father shared in common. You remembered him reading The Hobbit to you as a child, and he absolutely loved reading Wheel of Time on the good days when the smell of blueberry muffins wafted from the kitchen, and you lay on the couch with the cat, Riyu.

Sometimes, you wonder if his love for books is what fueled the poison of his afflicted thoughts. He saw ogres and orcs, shadows that weren’t there, and could wake up from a nightmare, but still be trapped inside the demon's lair when he was conscious.

The door to the stairwell opening makes you flinch. You lift your tear-stained face to see the intruder. Yoongi quietly shuts the door behind him, not even letting it click. He presses his back against it, face impassive.

“Can I sit?” he asks after a few moments filled with you sniffing and straightening. You nod and he offers a soft smile. Your heart leaps a little. His smiles were so few and far between that, it’s always dazzling when he parses one out for you. “Want to talk about it?”

You shrug. “Same shit.”

“Same shit doesn’t make it easier. Even if it was new shit, doesn’t feel very good.”

“Poetic.”

“Hey, I just read the stuff, I don’t write it.”

You smile, despite yourself. You look down at your hands, wet with your own tears and smeared with a little bit of mascara that you have rubbed from your eyes. “I bet you think this is pathetic, huh?”

“No, I don’t. I don’t think that struggling is pathetic, regardless of the circumstance.”

“Really?”

“Really. Having relationship problems doesn’t make you pathetic, it makes you-“

“If you say it makes me human.”

“- human,” he laughs. You join him, your light laughter the melody to his bass. “Sorry, I know that was cliché. I’ve been editing a romance novel today, I can’t help it. I feel it’s just asking to turn my vocabulary into purple prose.”

“Ooo a romance novel. Tell me about it.”

He heaves a sigh, leaning back on his elbows as he looks up at the winding stairs. His hair falls back a little, silky smooth. It’s longer than it’s ever been, and you think it looks sort of nice. He’s not wearing his glasses today, which is a little disappointing. You love when he has on his square frames.

“It’s the usual. Girl meets boy, they fall in love. There is something keeping them apart – this time, it’s girl’s family thinks that the boy isn’t good enough for her because they’re rich and he’s poor. I’m at the part at the fight, but they will ultimately get back together.”

You whistle. “Remind me why you’re not in marketing?”

“Hey, I find the errors, I give suggestions. A reader does not a salesperson make.”

You smile, sniffing. You have to admit that you feel a little bit better. For the first time since you started crying, you’re not thinking of Taehyung’s careless words or the way that your rotting relationship continues to decay.

It’s like an ulcer that bleeds a little more, that eats a little more every time you fight.

“You hungry?” Yoongi asks you. “I actually had Kaiju delivered – I have an extra roll. Asparagus free – honestly, who even likes that stuff anyway?”

You look at him cryptically. “What kind?”

“Dragon Roll – it has crab, avocado, spicy mayo, and cream cheese, all deep fried.”

You think about it. Before you can answer, your stomach lets out a long, terrible growl, sending you both into light laughter. “That does happen to be my favorite from there. As long as I’m not going to make you go hungry for the rest of the day and you allow me to pay you.”

“I won’t go hungry the rest of the day, and you’re absolutely not paying me.”

“You cannot give me that for free – those are expensive, Yoongi.”

“Look, you’re having a rough day.” You give him a look but he gives you a look of his own – round eyes with a soft pout. You relent, if only because it’s a little cute to see him indignant. “You’re in the stairwell crying. I’m allowed to say you’re having a rough day. Just accept the offer and we can pretend you got it yourself.”

With a huff, you stick out your hand for him to shake. “You drive a hard bargain, but deal.”

Yoongi’s hand is warm when he takes yours. Your stomach flips again, the tips of his fingers rough and the grip of his hand firm. You never realized how much larger his hands are than yours, fingers long and elegant like a painter or musician.

Taehyung has hands like that as well – delicate and beautiful. He has artists’ hands, often spending his free time painting in the spare bedroom of his apartment or arranging frames of photos that he himself took. You’ve always admired Taehyung’s hands.

They are very different from Yoongi’s despite-

No. Comparing their hands is weird and inappropriate. You shake the thought from your head as Yoongi shakes your hand firmly. Once. Twice.  He stands, hand still wrapped in yours as he hauls you to your feet.

Opening the door for you, Yoongi gives you a soft smile and encouraging nod. You shoot one back, thankful for him.

Sometimes, you wonder why Taehyung can’t be a little more like Yoongi. Thoughtful. Patient. Understanding.

Perhaps in another life.

/ SERIES PREVIEW / NEXT CHAPTER /

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[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Uum might be a dumb question but what is tgcf?

Your post have made me intrigued

Tian Guan Ci Fu, or Heaven Official's Blessing, is a danmei novel (basically the Chinese equivalent of BL).

(There are a couple of other well-known danmei novels by the same author. I've read Mo Dao Zu Shi but not the third one. I really love the protagonist of MDZS, but the sex scenes were in the squick zone for me personally [think undernegotiated kink at best] and it kind of killed my fixation once I got to them. I do still overall think it's good, and highly recommend the animation and the first like...4 and 1/3 volumes of the novel, I just suggest caution from then on if romanticized rape/noncon is a trigger or squick.)

ANYHOO back to TCGF, which is my fave: it's a story about a god (Xie Lian) who keeps being banished but then re-ascending. He's old and tired and has little left in the way of power or pride; he makes his way in the mortal realm between ascensions by collecting and selling scrap, and his luck stats are at -100 so bad things are constantly happening to him.

His love interest is a ghost king (Hua Cheng) who is incredibly powerful and lucky and dangerous...and an utter simp for him. It's adorable. The story weaves between past and present, slowly unveiling the entirety of their entangled past. It's sometimes deeply dark and painful, but also often sweet and funny, and the romance itself is...it's just very very romantic. There's something very ancient myths and beautiful fairytales about it. Sometimes people complain that Hua Cheng doesn't have much substance beyond his dedication to Xie Lian, but that's kind of the point. It's romance for romance's sake. Though I still have a volume and a half to go (the last volume isn't out in English yet), from what I understand there are no sex scenes, but also the dynamics of the characters don't lend themselves to what bothered me about the other series.

There are also a whole bunch of other characters with their own plotlines and personalities fleshing out the story.

There is a donghua (animation) that is available on Netflix (and Crunchyroll I think?) that consists of 12 or 13 short episodes. I watched the whole thing in one sitting when I discovered it. 😅 Definitely a good way to check it out and see if you like it! And there's a second season coming out (*checks clock, sees that it is now October*) this month! So it's a good time to get into it haha!