#and tbh he's the one I'D thirst after

[lavenderprose]

Sometimes I log onto Tumblr and it's exactly what I'm expecting and relevant to my interests and sometimes I log onto Tumblr and it's nothing but post after post of people thirsting for Jared Harris and honestly I'm fine with that. I haven't seen The Terror but I'm picking up what you guys are putting down. Stay nasty.

[oepionie]

KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR & THE UNWILLING DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. silver vanrouge

"And you don’t have to say anything now, of course, I just thought I owed you an explanation as to why i acted the way i did…”

Synopsis: Dragged into another one of Azul's contracts, you're forced to go on a date with some doe-eyed prince named Phillip and it seems that Silver has offered to serve as your bodyguard.

Character/s: Silver Vanrouge x GN! Reader

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Reader wears Heels&Dress, Silver cries, Bodyguard! Silver, Prince Phillip, Hidden feelings, Confessions, Im just thirsting for Silver here tbh

Word Count: 1k+ | 🎸Event Masterlist

Nervously taking a sip of your drink, you smoothed out the wrinkles on your dress and attempted to act normal. Well, as normal as someone in your situation could be. After getting dragged into a contract by the one and only Azul Ashengrotto, you were made to meet up with a client of his.

The octopus needed valuable information from him and told you to "use your charms" on the boy.

Whatever that means...

Sighing, you glance over at the shadowy figure sitting a few tables away from you.

Azul was suprisingly generous enough to grant you some protection. Protection which came in the form of a bodyguard named Silver Vanrouge.

Now, he was hardly the worst person in the campus but after your argument with him a few days back, things were still a bit...tense.

Obscured by the curtain drapes and dimmed lights of the lounge, you could barely make out Silver's sharp auroral gaze piercing through you. In all honesty, you were taken aback by just how well-hidden he was. For someone with his stature, he sure was remarkably stealthy.

Silver was casually leaning back against the plush couch, legs spread with his leather-clad hands clasped between his thighs. Instead of his usual outfit, he was dressed in a silky light green button-down shirt.

His legs donned black high-waisted slacks which was held up by a leather belt. Azul had given him the outfit to serve as a "uniform" of sorts. In addition to that, he carried his magic pen and sword, both of which were sheathed at his left hip.

Before you could continue ogling at your "bodyguard", a hand waves itself over your face. Blinking, you look up to see a bright-eyed brunette beaming down on you. The boy was slim but fairly built. He had on a grayish-tan vest over a black turtleneck shirt, dark brown pants, and black boots. Most notable was the red cape draped onto his shoulder, the vibrant crimson an odd contrast to his otherwise muted outfit.

"Hello there, are you the prefect?" The stranger smiled at you, revealing two dimples on the sides of his cheek. Stammering, you hastily scrambled to your feet.

"A-Ah, yes! That w-would be me. I'm assuming you're Philip?" A wobbly smile spread across your face as you held your hand out for him to shake. The boy chuckled and took your hand in his, swiftly pressing a kiss against your knuckles. "Yeah, I'm Philip. Well...Prince Philip."

"P-Prince?!" You squawked, eyes wide open. Just who did Azul set you up with?

"Ah, it's no big deal. I'm not too big on any of that royal stuff." The young prince winked, throwing an arm over your shoulders and pulling you close.

"Now, shall we carry on with our date?"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Great Sevens. When was this going to end?

While initially charming, you soon found out that your date had no respect for your boundaries whatsoever. Prince Philip was extremely touchy. If him being pressed up snug against your side at this very moment wasn't enough proof of that.

"You know, I think I've actually met you before." Philip mused, tapping his fingers against your waist. "In a dream that is. Ah, which reminds me! Do you dance?"

"I trip over my feet all the time. So no, I don't." You chuckled awkwardly, twiddling with your thumbs. Philip snorted and stood, pulling you up with him. "Oh, but you must try it! Come, let's-"

"Philip, I'd really rather not." You frowned and tried to pull his hands off of you, but the prince refused to budge. His grip tightened and you whimpered. "Aw, it's just one little dance-"

"I believe they said no." Before Phillip could continue, Silver appeared and swiftly yanked the boy's hands off of you.

He guided you behind him, shielding you from the young prince with his body. "I think you've overstayed your visit. Come, I’ll guide you to the exit."

You watched helplessly as your bodyguard dragged the prince out of the lounge, ignoring each and everyone of Philip's protests.

Well...there goes your date.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"I can't believe you did that, Silver." You grumbled.

You sat on the pavement, pulling your tall heels off and massaging your feet. The back of your ankle swelled red, evidence of all the hours you spent in this fancy get-up. Hours of hard work wasted and ruined in a single minute. "You didn't have to kick him out! I nearly got him to spill the secret!" 

"He clearly couldn't understand what a simple 'no' meant." Silver murmured. The look he sends you is one of concern, and probably disappointment, as he strides to your hunched over form. 

Silver placed his hand onto your back, but you pushed him away, far too disheartened to accept his aid. His eyes flashed hurt for a brief moment before he regained his composure, brows pinching together. "I was trying to help."

"Well, you weren't! I'm not some damsel in distress." You scoffed, slipping your heels back on. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"If that's the case then why didn't you tell him to stop?" He spoke, voice cracking. When you didn't respond, Silver stared at you with a wounded look in his eyes. "Do you like him?"

"Enough, Silver!" The back of your head throbbed and your eyes burned, the frustration from earlier finally sinking in. Throughout the entire night, you were left to deal with both Philip's advances and Silver's icy demeanor. It wasn't surprising to say that you were at your wit's end. 

You rose from the pavement, dusting your dress off before walking in the direction of your dorm. Silver blinks at you and swallows painfully as something shifts in his features. "Where are you going?"

"The night's over. You don't have to play bodyguard anymore. I'm leaving."

"Don't." You snapped your head around, fully prepared to start arguing once more, only to end up clamping your mouth shut when you saw his eyes glistening with tears. Silver ran a hand down his face, fingers roughly rubbing at his eyelids. "…. I'm sorry. Please don't."

"Silver...I got frustrated. I-I didn't mean..." you whispered, cupping his cheeks in a delicate touch - afraid that he might crack were you harsher with him.

"You don’t have to say anything...I-I just think I owe you an explanation as to why I acted the way I did." His hands cupped atop yours, squeezing tight.

"I know I do get overprotective at times, but I mean no harm. I just..." Silver trails off as he hesitated, which coaxed you to look up and meet his gaze.

"....I love you." He gently took you in his arms and wrapped you in a tight embrace, sighing deeply as he felt the welcome weight of your body against his. "I really love you."

Likes and Reblogs are greatly appreciated and really motivating on my end!

Taglist: @keedas @spadecentral @crypticbibliophile @pastellepastary @cassidycampfire @cocomollo @poisoniousheart @anonima-2 @kawaiipotatoghost

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[otteropera]

Home (Jon Snow x Reader)

A/N - Only took me, what, like three months to finish this request? I kept coming back to it and re-reading and changing it but I finally FINISHED IT! The wonderful @pastanest requested this one so shoutout to her, if you are thirsting for Jon Snow (like me) GO CHECK HER OUT!!! She is an amazing writer and a wonderful person <3

Warnings - blood, RAMSAY BOLTON, violence... its game of thrones tbh

Word count - 5.7k

The fire had gone out weeks ago. No one who came in bothered to replenish it with wood, and I wasn't exactly in a position to do it, with my wrists chained to the floor. I'd had a lot of time to think about things. About my past, about Sansa, about what led me to this moment, about Jon.

I found that my mind went wandering to him quite often.

Nineteen years ago, after Robert’s Rebellion ended, many reunions were had. Fathers saw their children and wives saw their husbands. It was a sigh of relief for people who had their loved ones taken away, forced to fight the Mad King. My mother waited with baited breath, staring at the horizon everyday for months, praying to all the Gods that she would see him in the distance, finally returning to her. She held her budding belly with tears in her eyes, refusing to believe that she was living in a world without him.

She later passed away on the birthing bed.

If it weren’t for the wet-nurse that was able to arrive so quickly from a town over, I wouldn’t have made it. When word got to Eddard Stark that I was in fact alive, and without parents, he was quick to get me over to Winterfell. I don’t remember my life before the Starks, and I don’t have much of a need to. I befriended the Stark children and was welcomed into their home with open arms. My father gave his life in service to the realm, they felt it was the least they could do. From what Lord Eddard remembered of my parents, they were utterly and wholly in love.

Sansa and I clicked when we were younger. Although I was a few years older than her, we got along very well. We would brush each other's hair and put it in pretty braids, we'd giggle when the stable boys would flirt with us, and she would tease me for my crush on Jon. Once the two of us were of age, I was assigned as her lady-in-waiting. It was sort of like being Sansa's ‘official friend’, which wasn't hard. It really didn't change much; we got to spend all of our time together.

Sometimes, if I closed my eyes hard enough, I could go back to those days. When we were younger, we'd help sneak Arya out of her room and run down the corridors to the kitchen to steal any lemon cakes that were left from dinner. I was almost certain that Lord Eddard and Lady Catelyn knew what we were doing, but let us have our fun when they heard the laughter from the kitchens late at night.

"What are you doing?"

Jon stood in the doorway, his mouth slightly agape, eyebrows furrowed. Arya, Sansa, and I stilled, crumb-covered mouths tightly shut. I wasn't sure if it was our lack of sleep or the definite sugar high, but Arya burst out laughing, spewing bits of cake over the table, while Sansa and I did our best not to copy her, covering our mouths and stifling our laughs. With my quick and shy glances to Jon, I could tell he was having a hard time keeping a smile off his face.

"I can't believe you guys," he said, shaking his head. "You're worse than Bran."

Bran was notorious for stealing sweets. I hoped that wherever Sansa had escaped to, she got to eat as many lemon cakes as she pleased. It had been months since she got away from Ramsay’s hold, and sometimes I wondered if she would leave me here for good.

It was an awful thing to think, I knew that, but Ramsey knew how to get under my skin (literally) and drill some awful things into my mind. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he’d done to Sansa. Thankfully, he could go days without bothering to torment me, which usually meant that I didn’t get to eat either, but I was more than willing to trade that for some time away from Ramsay. The room that I’d been confined to was small and drafty, from what I could guess used to be an extra storage room for food, with the old flour bags and rotting potatoes. They were my bed most nights. Though I have to admit, it’s a step up from the cell outside with the dogs. Ramsay had been keeping me there until Sansa found out and refused to eat until I was moved to an actual room. She even got me a makeshift fireplace in an old cooking pot.

I was convinced that the only reason I was able to stay sane was by staying in my mind. Thinking of ten years ago, when I was growing up here with Sansa, Arya… Jon. When I was safe and happy and took everything for granted.

There was some irony in it. The place that I grew up in, that allowed me to build the friendships and relationships that I had, that allowed me to be free of the pain of growing up without a family, was then the same place that kept me from being with mine.

The door creaked open, and in walked the man who had chained me here. Ramsay knelt in front of me, placing down a bowl of stew. One glance at it and I was salivating. Meat, potatoes, carrots, celery, all steaming gloriously in the bowl in front of me. That was… odd. I’m not one to turn down a hot meal, especially when I hadn’t eaten in days, but I knew the games Ramsay played. I knew that there was… something else to it. Ramsay sat on the floor across from me, with that sick little half-smirk.

“It’s rude to refuse food from the Warden of the North,” he commented, clasping his hands together in front of him.

“He didn’t put this in front of me. You did.”

Ramsay let out a dry laugh, not letting his smile fall. I only managed to get that look off his face once, and I paid for it. However, I still found myself accepting the challenge of knocking Ramsay’s ego down a peg.

“I see you’re in a fine mood today, that’s good,” he paused, “I have good news.”

That was saying something, coming from him.

“The bastard is coming.”

I froze at that. It took a moment to realize that that’s what he wanted, he always wanted to get a rise out of me. I refused to give him any satisfaction. I had to stop myself from meeting his penetrating stare.

“I’d spoken to him earlier, along with my dear wife,” his emphasis on the word ‘wife’ made me want to vomit. “They’ll be coming to Winterfell tomorrow to try to take it from me, with lesser men. And when they lose," Ramsay's voice got quieter as he leaned in towards me, "Sansa will watch me flay you living. She will watch me feed you to those dogs, she will watch as you die in that cell, screaming and bleeding. I will make her understand what happens to those she cares about when she betrays me." His pitch black eyes stared into mine as I tried to control my breathing. I didn’t think I'd ever truly, wholly, and honestly wished for someone to die a painful death as much as I wished it for that man. I swallowed harshly.

"Winterfell has never been yours. It never will be," I whispered. He leaned back, loosening up, but his eyes looked empty as ever. And he smiled some more.

“Jon sounded awfully concerned for you.” No. No. “I’m assuming Sansa had told him about your… conditions here.” That was a nice way to put being held prisoner in your own home. “I wasn’t aware that you two had such a history.” I shouldn’t have even looked at him. All the emotion that I was trying to hide, he saw right through. The more I spoke, or acted, or looked, the more leverage he had against me. It was an impossible struggle.

“Don’t worry,” he leaned closer, his breath hot and putrid. There was nowhere for me to go. “I won’t kill him before I let him see you,” he snatched my face in his free hand, his grasp firm and unwavering. I felt the cool tip of a knife rest on my cheekbone. “He will see just how you’ve been holding up.” He dragged the knife agonizingly slow down the bare flesh, I was sure I would pass out. “And he will see all that I’ve done to you.”

I didn’t eat the stew until after he left. The chains rattled as I reached forward for it, slugging from the bowl like an animal. I didn’t like eating while he watched. Something about it felt… humiliating. Like he was watching one of his dogs rip someone apart after not feeding them for weeks, like he was proud of the way he had starved me. I was sure he was. I was sure he would love to see me eating like it was the last meal I’d ever indulge in.

***

Jon was outside the banquet hall, in the courtyard, slashing away at a dummy with his sword. The mead sloshed in their cups as I stepped toward him.

"I think you won," I commented once I got within earshot. He turned around, his face lighting up at my presence just enough for me to notice, causing my face to flush. "I smuggled you out a drink," I outstretched one of the cups, which he took while catching his breath.

"What am I missing in there?" Jon questioned, referring to the dinner party with the King and Queen, taking a slug from the cup.

"Well... the King is drunk, Sansa's gushing over Prince Joffrey, and Arya just got in trouble for catapulting food at her," I explained. Jon chuckled at the thought of it. "So nothing new, as far as our dinners go."

Jon went quiet, surprisingly. He'd tend to have a lot to say when I was around. His gaze was fixed on the cup, lost in thought.

"Is everything alright?" I asked. I've known him to be a bit upset about being forbidden from dinners, but he was usually better at hiding it.

"There's something I've been thinking about, that I want to tell you," he breathed out. "I'm taking the black. I leave the same day as the royal party with my Uncle Benjen." His eyes were on mine. I felt... conflicted. I was happy for him, I knew he'd do well up at Castle Black, given his bravery and swordsmanship. I knew that we all couldn't stay in Winterfell forever, that we were growing up. However, something in me hoped that wherever Jon would go, I could follow. The bastard and the Lady's maid.

"I'm happy for you." Truly, I was. I knew he'd always been worried about making something of himself. He would never have lands or a title, so it made sense he would seek to prove his worth through service to the realm.

"Thank you." There was a hint of sadness in his voice.

"From what I've heard I'll be going to King's Landing with Sansa. Serving as her handmaiden."

Jon hummed in response. He seemed to have the same reaction to my news as I had to his.

"I'll write to you," he commented. I didn't even bother trying to hide my growing smile.

"I'll write back."

***

The days were cold, but the nights felt colder. Ramsay sent in a Maester to treat the wound that he inflicted. I was no use to him dead, of course. It was sore to the touch. Through the small, barred window in the room, I could see that the sun was setting, as it did every night, and as it will continue to do well after I die in that place.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the throbbing pain in my face. It felt like it was on fire, which meant that my body was probably fighting an infection from the cut. Looking out my small window, the sunlight couldn't penetrate the clouds, leaving the sky a gloomy, milky gray.

Sometimes, when I was just waking up, I would forget where I was. I could open my eyes and be in King's Landing, with Sansa and Arya and Ned Stark. Or I could be waking up here in Winterfell, but in my own bed, in my own room, right across from Sansa's, how it used to be. Those moments were my favorite. When my mind was still fogged with sleep and I could swear that just yesterday I was reading in the Godswood with Jon. Sometimes I would see how long I could go before opening my eyes. It felt like when I did so, it cemented the pained reality of where I was, and who I was without. It's silly, really. No matter how hard I tried, I would still wake up surrounded by these four walls, in the same house that was no longer a home.

I must have dozed off again at some point, because the next time I rose I was awakened by the sounds of chaos outside. The window in my cell was far too high for me to see ground level out of, even if I wasn't chained. I had to use my hearing to discern what was happening.

The scrambling and shouting of soldiers, and a loud, rhythmic bang... bang... bang. It was coming from the front gate. Was... was it a siege? There was a shrieking of a creature that I couldn't name, and then more shouting and yelling, the clanging of swords. Then it stopped. I held my breath. It felt like ages until I could hear anything else.

Footsteps raced towards the door. I could hear muttering on the other side. There were two very different ideas of who could be coming to me at such a rush, one of which made bile rise in my throat.

"This has to be it, I know that he kept it locked and I remember it being by the kitchens," the sweet, feminine voice rushed out. I'd recognize her voice anywhere.

"Sansa?" My voice was hardly a whisper as I croaked out the name. I jumped when the door started shaking as though it was being kicked in. The chains clicked as I scrambled to stand up. Had they won? Was Winterfell back to the Starks? Was Jon here?

The door burst open and I locked eyes with the one who had been infiltrating my thoughts. He looked much more grown than I'd remembered. His dark, curly locks were pulled back with only a few strands in the front that had burst free. There were streaks on his face where dirt and blood had been haphazardly wiped away. Sansa engulfed me in a hug, pulling me in so tight I was sure she could tell just how little Ramsay was feeding me.

"I'm so sorry it took so long for us to get here, my escape wasn't planned, I would've never left without you if I'd known-"

"Sansa," I cut her off from her babbling, pulling back from the hug and holding her at arm's length. There were tears welling in her eyes, as well as mine. "It's okay, I'm okay." She let out a shaky breath, looking relieved I didn't resent her.

"Ramsay had the key on him." It took me a moment to realize what she was referring to, her and Jon's arrival had almost made me forget that I was still chained in the room. For the first time since she'd come in, she acknowledged Jon's presence by turning back towards him. He looked as though he'd just seen a ghost. To him, I guessed I might be one. He blinked a few times, seeming to snap out of his stupor and reached in his pocket, handing the rusty key over to Sansa. When the manacles fell with a clank to the floor, I felt like I could finally breathe. I rubbed the skin that was under them, it was red and irritated, which wasn't surprising.

"Are you hungry? I'll see what can be made.”

***

"It's for you." A boyish Jon stood at the foot of my bed, on unsteady feet, with a bowl of steaming soup in his hands. Even from the distance it smelled heavenly.

"You didn't have to, I was about to go to the kitchens," I complained, sitting up. Jon made his way around the bed, delicately placing the soup in my cold hands.

"Are you feeling any better?" I saw his hand start to move up as he asked the question, only to stop himself. Was he going to feel my forehead?

"A little," I lied, sipping from the side of the wooden bowl. The soup was hot and delicious; it had been prepared with herbs that were still growing outside. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me." He gave a small shrug but smiled anyway. "I'm just glad to see that you're eating again."

"Me too," I said, trying a spoonful this time. It was potato soup, my favorite. Had he known? Jon sat down next to me before continuing.

"I feel awful." I snapped my head up at his statement.

"Why? Are you feeling ill too?" I stammered, shifting under the furs. He chuckled through his nose.

"No," he sighed, "the stable hands warned me they were still training that horse, but I'd ridden her before and she was fine. I can't believe she threw you off like that, into the stream of all places." I had to suppress a smile, thinking back to the other day. Jon offered to teach me to ride a horse, as no one else would bother, and we'd spent the better part of a day out in the woods. It was the most fun I'd had in ages. Towards the end, my horse had gotten a bit fussy and, well…

Jon was quick to get my sopping wet figure back into the gates of Winterfell, but it wasn't quick enough to stop me from catching a cold. I truly didn't mind. Any time spent with Jon was valuable to me.

"Don't feel bad, it's part of learning... people fall. In streams, sometimes," I muttered towards the end.

Jon's face pulled into a smile at my comment. "Well, let's hope your second attempt at riding doesn't involve a broken bone or two."

***

Potato soup. I was sitting in front of a crackling fireplace, wrapped in furs, with a bowl of hot potato soup that conspicuously arrived. In that moment I wondered if I truly had passed away at Ramsay’s hand, if that was real, if I was just dreaming, still locked in the room.

I knew that I should eat, but the hollowness of my stomach made the food smell less than desirable. Sansa hadn't left my side since she'd unlocked the chains and brought me into the room, going on about the past few months. I hadn't said much.

"How do you feel? You’re quiet,” she bit her lip. 

My throat hurt, it was dry. I swallowed hard, clearing it before answering.

“Okay. It's just so good to be warm." I had no idea how long I'd been cold. I often stayed balled up in that room, as tight as I could. I tucked my extremities into myself and dreamed of the sun. I took a breath and brought the bowl to my lips.

"Jon was shocked to hear you were still alive." I almost choked on the soup. Sansa smiled, one that looked devilish. "I knew you were close when we were younger, but I wasn't expecting him to react how he did," Sansa thought out loud.

"How did he react?" My curiosity got the best of me. I set the bowl down on the small table next to me.

"I'd told him soon after Brienne, Poddrick, and I arrived at Castle Black," I quirked my head at the names, but she was too consumed in her story to notice, "that you were still at Winterfell. He was furious, he wanted to come straight here, but I wouldn't let him." Sansa looked down, wringing her hands. "I convinced him to wait, to gather more men. Otherwise it would have been a slaughter."

I put my hands on hers, her glossed eyes met mine.

"You did the right thing," I reassured her. I knew she felt guilty for not getting here sooner, but she did what was best. I'd feel worse if they'd come sooner, and Ramsay's threats rang true.

"Rickon-" Sansa choked a sob, "h-he-"

I shushed her and put my arms around her shoulders. I'd seen some Winterfell men carrying his body through the gates on our way to this room. "I know," I whispered, shedding tears of my own. I didn't dare ask her how he died, I knew enough. That it was by Ramsay's hand, without a doubt.

We sat for a while longer, both comforted by the silence. The warmth of the fire and the contentment of the soup helped me relax. I realized that I'd been clenching my teeth, so I released them. I'd been in an awful lot of pain the past few months. The wound on my face would leave a plump scar, that I was sure of. Our silence was interrupted by a few maids entering with warm buckets of water for a bath. The mischievous smile on Sansa's face told me she had planned that. It wasn't until the maids had filled up the tub and left that I got the courage to ask the question that was lingering in my mind.

"Where's Jon? I haven't seen him since..." since I was freed from my cell? Since I saw him for the first time in years? Since he looked at me and his stare penetrated my being?

"I believe he's with some of the men of Winterfell, gathering up any survivors of Ramsay's men in the castle," she replied, giving me a look. She knew why I asked. I could only imagine what Jon was doing to Ramsay’s men "I'll leave you to it," she stood, her long furs flowing down to her ankles. It was then that I realized this room was intended to be mine. "I'm sure a bath is just what you need." I nodded in response, and she swiftly exited the room.

***

Jon hissed and pulled back slightly at the damp cloth I held against his temple.

"I have to clean it, Jon," I pleaded.

"I know," he breathed out. "It stings." I could see the pain in the way he scrunched up his face.

"I’m sorry." His eyebrows scrunched together at my apology, his eyes locked to mine. I could hear the wheels turning in his head.

Jon and I had a silent understanding of each other. While we had different reasons for being at Winterfell, we were both seen as slightly less-than the Stark children. Of course, I wasn't scolded by Catelyn nearly as much as Jon was. However, we were both instructed to stand behind the Stark's during the Royal family's arrival, never with them. While Jon was told not to attend the feast at all, I was tasked to stay at Sansa's side.

We noticed these differences, we saw them at a very young age, and we protected each other. We looked out for one another in an unspoken pact, that was shown by Jon walking me to my chambers late after the sun went down, and my defending him when Catelyn was always too harsh.

"Jon, I was fine. Those stable boys didn't cause me any harm."

"They were throwing cow shit at you," Jon blurted out. I had to suppress a grin, he was fuming. 

"Well, they didn't have very good aim," I muttered. Jon returned his hardened gaze to the gloves that were clutched in his hand, he must not have found my comment very funny.

"Eddard and Catelyn will have an earful for you, you know. Especially Catelyn." He turned away from me.

"I know," he said quietly, "those boys didn't put up much of a fight," Jon pulled my hand down, and grasped it in his. "I'd do it again." My heart fluttered and I swallowed hard.

***

I recalled the memory in the bath. It was so vivid, his warm hand gripping my fingers, his eyes locked on mine and saw everything inside them. It was the first time he ever offered to defend me like that.

I had scrubbed myself too hard in the bath and opened the wound on my face. I stayed in the water until it turned murky and cold. I wanted to rid myself of every piece of Ramsay, though I knew it wouldn’t be possible. At least, not for a long time. My only motivation for exiting the bath was the small trickle of blood down my face. After drying off and dressing, I exited the chamber and made my way to what used to be Maester Luwin’s space. Surely, there would be a healer of some sorts there.

It was dark outside, the moon shone bright above. A chill breeze blew through the halls. I pulled my furs tighter against me and walked to the door, opening it. There was no one inside. The room was littered with medical supplies, my best guess was whatever Maester was here had been out tending to any wounded men from the battle. Though I'd patched up Arya's scrapes and scratches from playing too rough with Bran before. With the supplies here, I could fix myself up. It took me a moment of fumbling through the shelves and drawers to find a healing balm in a small wooden bowl. The smell of it reminded me of Maester Luwin. His hands were always covered in the minty salve.

The sound of footsteps coming down the hall startled me, and I nearly dropped the bowl. A soft knock sounded on the door, and I was almost certain I knew who it was. I didn't waste a moment, rushing to the door and opening it. Jon was standing in front of me, his dark hair smoothed back, the moonlight made shadows dance across his face. He wore a plain black tunic with his cloak over it. The air rushed from my lungs. It couldn't have been more than a few moments, standing there, gazing at each other. But I felt like I could spend the rest of my days looking into his warm brown eyes, and I would be content.

"You stopped writing back." There was a hint of amusement in his words, the type that only someone who'd known him well enough could pick up on. I did.

I didn't bother trying to hold back the smile and the tears as we engulfed each other. His arms felt strong and real. One of his hands held me at the back of my head, pulling me so close to him that there was no room for doubt. His breath felt warm on my neck, sending a dance of shivers down my back. I sniffled, holding onto him with every part of me. We stayed together like that for what seemed an eternity.

Finally, he broke our embrace, keeping his hand on the back of my head, holding it, holding me. "I've missed you."

My lips quivered when I spoke, unable to form the right words. "I... I've missed you too." There were so many things I wanted to tell him, so many stories and so many people that I'd met, but he looked at me so intently that words fell flat on my tongue.

He held my gaze and I was sure I'd burst into flames. "How are you?" he asked softly. "Are you hurt anywhere else besides there?" His calloused thumb brushed just below the cut on my face. By the gods, I must’ve been a thousand shades of red.

He'd gained a few new scars himself, his face was littered with them. The little nicks in his skin and the dark shadows of his face made him look so... mature. He was no longer the boy who's cheek I'd pecked before he left for the Night's Watch. "No," I said quietly, wringing my hands. "Nothing serious. Just cuts and bruises."

"That's serious," he started analyzing me, trying to find any, "it's you." I smiled again.

"Come here." He dropped his hand from me, closing the door behind him. I immediately missed the warmth he brought to my skin. I turned to follow him, and saw that he was already holding the bowl of salve. With feather light touches, he began to apply to the wound on my face. It stung at first, if only for a moment, but once the minty coolness took effect, I let out a breath of relief. I hadn't realized I closed my eyes until Jon placed his fingers under my chin, tilting my head sideways to get better access to the cut. When I opened them, they found his. The downward curve of his brow told me something.

"What's wrong?" I asked. My voice cracked a bit, and I cleared my throat.

Jon shook his head, leaning back against the wooden desk. His gaze fell to the floor. "I wanted to come sooner, but we didn't have the men," his soft brown eyes followed the curve of the wound down my face, "I'm sorry." For a moment, I thought I saw a wetness in his eyes.

A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard. "For what? Winterfell is back to the Starks. You did what you had to do."

His expression softened. "I know," he said quietly, "I don't think I can thank you enough for keeping Sansa safe the past few years." He reached out to brush the hair away from my forehead, and I could feel the heat radiating off his hand. "She told me everything. About Joffrey, Baelish... Ramsey." He spat out the last name with venom as his jaw hardened.

"Is he...?" I didn't need to finish asking the question for Jon to understand.

"Sansa put him with his hounds. I don't imagine he'll be there much longer."

I knew exactly what that meant, and a breath of relief left me, one I never knew I was holding in. Though I'd felt relieved, I knew that it wasn't the end of Ramsay's torment. He would continue to haunt the darkest parts of my mind. I would continue to have nightmares where his touch was everywhere, and no matter what I did or said, I couldn't shake him off of me. I'd only experienced a fraction of what Sansa had from him. I couldn't imagine what she'd been going through. She was stronger than me, that I knew for certain. I made a mental note to talk to her about, at the very least let her know that I was willing to, if that was what she chose. Jon's warm hand on my arm pulled me from my thoughts. He was looking at me, expectantly.

"What?"

"I asked if you'd like me to walk you back to your room," his voice was laced with concern.

I tried not to show how his offer made my heart squeeze. I nodded. We walked side by side through the castle halls, silent except for the occasional murmur of voices drifting around us. Once or twice, we passed another person, but neither of us acknowledged their presence. The silence was nerve-wracking. It didn't take long before we reached my room, a small smile tugging at his lips. I stopped short outside the doors, turning to face him. He was right behind me.

"Was the potato soup any good?" Jon asked, and it took only a moment before it clicked in my head.

"That was you?"

"So it's still your favorite, I take it?"

"I-... yes."

Jon smiled and nodded his head slightly, stepping back. He was starting to leave. A burning ache ran deep inside me. I felt myself longing for him, although he was right in front of me. "Jon..." I paused. His presence was doing that thing again where it made it very hard for me to speak. I needed him to say something. Anything. So when he said nothing, I continued. "Would you... stay, for a little while? Please?" I finished lamely.

It was all the encouragement he needed to step forward and set his hands on either side of my face. His thumb rubbed along my cheekbone and up toward my hairline, making me shiver. His eyes flew back and forth between mine, looking for permission that he always had. He nodded delicately, pulling me in and pressing a kiss to my lips. It was so soft, so gentle, so tentative. But even that small moment made my stomach twist into knots and my knees go weak. I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of his lips on mine, letting the lingering feelings of the past few months melt away. It didn't matter that there was still so much to be said, so much to figure out and plan with the retaking of Winterfell. Things would melt into place, as I melted into him.

Ramsay had left his mark on me, literally and figuratively. And maybe he would continue to live in the parts of my mind that he clawed out space for, but Jon never needed to claim space for himself. He had it earlier when he kicked down the door to my cage, when he hugged me tightly goodbye the day he left for Castle Black, when he showed me that smile that always turned my insides to mush, and every time in between. All without having to ask for it. He was slowly filling it with warmth, with love. With life. So maybe Ramsay had some part of me, one that I may never get back... but those parts were all Jon’s, and I'd always treasure them.

As his lips moved against mine, I realized I’d made it. 

I finally felt like I was home.

Tags: @pastanest @nyotamalfoy

[stellar-constellations]

I really enjoy your fanfic (Yuri Brair x fem!spy! reader) !! I always giggles everytime I read it. I got really excited when I saw your Tumblr too! You're a good writer tbh.

I just wonder to see an usual date between spy!reader and Yuri! I prefer an oneshot more but headcanons would be okay! If you're going to do an oneshot then I'd love to see the first date.

You don't have to this rq. I hope you have a good luck day<3!!

Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader (Date Headcannons)

        Beware! This fic DOES contain SPOILERS for the manga and for the Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader series: An Alliance (part 1)!

        This can be read with or without reading my Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader series: An Alliance (part 1).

        Series information: Setting is AFTER the reader rejoined WISE (so Yuri and [Y/N] are married and [Y/N] becomes an official double-spy).

        This is NOT a replacement or part 10 for the Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader series!

        Warning: Reliving PTSD (shell shock they called it in 1950's) from war.

        Wordcount: 3,700+ words

Yuri and (Y/N)'s dates are surprisingly very down to earth and mundane. For two people that are almost always spending their time together in playful bickers and working together, they don't really go on dates often. Part of it is because they're always around each other anyways so there's little point, but it's also because the two of them have a hard time being vulnerable around one another. Even if they've been living together with months and are officially engaged, they still started out as enemies and have hidden barriers they've set up without realizing. 

A big part of Yuri and (Y/N) is how limited they both are when it comes to expression. Yuri grew up alone alongside his sister, graduated college at 14 without even finishing high school, and put his sister and studies above all else, so he's always been a little limited when it comes to expressing his feelings, relaxing, and social interactions (though he gets better as he goes along).

(Y/N) always had a problem with feeling inferior to others, whether it was because of her short stature due to carrying around heavy military equipment at seven stunting her growth, or it was because of her strength after the military's hardships. Growing up in the military and spy industry didn't leave her any time to play or bother with friends, something she does regret putting on herself at such a young age due to naivety and a thirst for change. She was busy in an adult world doing adult things as a kid that she forgot how to act her age, so sometimes those moments peak through in her everyday life because she starting to feel okay and that her feelings are validated thanks to Yuri. A huge part of her personality is to overshadow that feeling of insecurity and loss of worth, her confidence and humor is merely a facade, but Yuri knows better than that. That's why over time we can see (Y/N) mellow out, starting to calm down and unwind, over the series; starting to accept that she's safe with Yuri. 

Yuri and (Y/N) don't go on dates often because they have each other, what more do you need? Flowers and chocolates and candlelit dinners and entertainment tickets and pets, all of that can't replace the love they have for one another, whether they show it or not. There's always moments where they let their guards down and can feel comfortable with one another, such as when Yuri proposed to (Y/N), or when (Y/N) gave Yuri his Christmas present she made, or when the two set aside each others differences to work together as a co-workers and a couple.  

A major thing they both do at night before bed is talk about each other's day. They might've spent the whole day together, but they want to know how the other felt during the day. What could've been better? What did the other enjoy? What did they dislike? How did they feel? It's a major part of their relationship because it makes them both feel like their feelings are important and that they're communicating healthily with one another to make their relationship work because they care for one another. 

For Yuri, his ideas of dates are going to amusement parks, seeing movies in the theaters, candlelit dinners, and picnics in the park as dates simply because he's unsure what else could be a date. All those things are society's expectations as dates and he's just adopted it because he has no figure to ask for dating advice, his parents are dead and Yor isn't too great of a help due to her limited experience in relationships (and her current relationship being a fraud). 

For (Y/N), anything can be a date. Some simple things to cooking dinner together, taking work off together to sleep in, running errands together, visiting Yuri's sister and family together, anything is a date to her because she understands the importance of time. (Y/N) values every moment she has with Yuri because she's not sure when it'll be their last. Servicing in the Westalis military taught her how easy it was to lose everything so fast, from her friends to her most of her family, all it took was a few minutes to lose it all. (Y/N) doesn't want to make the same mistake and take another person in her life for granted. She values every mission, every hug, every kiss, and every word Yuri gives her and takes it with open arms because Yuri is what she cherishes most. 

The first date the two of them can actually agree was a date, was a simple day shopping after work. Even though the two were dreadfully tired after their mission, they were still responsible adults that needed to complete their adult chores, even if it was now dark outside. They didn't see the clouds since it was too dark outside, and shopping for groceries ended up being longer than they thought it'd take (after trying to find a store open that late), so they missed their bus. 

        "Damn it." Yuri groaned, walking back to the bus stop after trying to chase the bus down like a madman in the dark. "Did we really have to get groceries today? Couldn't we have waited tomorrow on our day off?"

        "Sorry. I didn't want to have to leave the house tomorrow. I figured we could've just stayed home and relaxed." (Y/N) sighed, plopping down on the metal bench. "You know, being an SSS agent is much harder than I gave you guys credit for."

        "Shh! Don't just say that in public!" Yuri hissed, looking around cautiously, before taking a seat on the cold bench next to her. "Who knows who is around, there could be spies or hidden bugs." 

        "Oh, don't be such a worry wart." (Y/N) groaned, exhausted.

        They sat in silent for a couple minutes, before she noticed a smile wafting in the air. It didn't smell like the city's fossil fuels or any cooking from restaurants or such.

        "Hey Yuri, I think it's about to—" 

        A few droplets of water fell on the ground and their heads, causing them both to look up.

        "Seriously? Out of all the bus stops in Berlint, this one has a leaking roof?" Yuri groaned. 

        As if on cue, the rain poured harder, before the bus stop's roof busted open like wet cardboard, dumping the water on them and their groceries. 

        "Damn it!" Yuri hissed, the paper bags wet and falling apart as they both tried to salvage their groceries from falling on the ground. 

        "Well... the worst has happened, right?" (Y/N) spoke, trying to smile positively since Yuri couldn't at the moment. 

        Nobody likes a Debbie-Downer, especially two Debbie-Downers.

        Once more, as if the weather heard her, a flash of lightning struck nearby, followed by the powerful hiss of thunder. (Y/N) yelped, jumping up from the bench and almost dropping the food in her hands. 

        "Hey, calm down. Now it's official, there really can't be anything worse to happen." Yuri sighed.

        As the universe heard their optimistic views once more, it felt the need to rain on it (literally), and it turned off all the lamp posts, the power lines being struck by lightning as the streets were instantly engulfed in darkness. (Y/N) jumped at the noise, 

        "Wow, Lady Luck must really hates us." (Y/N) commented, unsure if she should be angry or sad, but mostly a feeling of dread lingering in her. 

        "Let's just get home..." Yuri sighed, not even having energy to sound angry, just disappointed. 

        (Y/N) followed behind him, observing his quick footsteps as he kept his head low, the rain pouring down his face. He used his coat to try and keep the grocery bags in his hands dry, especially the baguette since it would be a shame for it to go to waste. 

        Even after the long day of work. and grocery shopping, they would still have to go home and make dinner and do laundry. Something Yuri didn't seem to want to do anymore chores today, he looks ready for bed. 

        The streets were dark except for the occasional lightning from the thunder, so really they were just guessing where to step and hoping they wouldn't trip. (Y/N) noticed him making use of his coat for the bags he held, so she decided to make use of her own. (Y/N) placed her bags on the ground, not caring that the bottoms got wet and started falling apart. She shrugged off her coat (really, one she stole from Yuri) and threw it over his head, adjusting it so he could see as the fabric prevented water from getting in his eyes.

        "What are you doing?" Yuri questioned, looking at her confused. "Are you catching a cold? Why are you acting stupid?"

        "I'm trying to do something nice for you, stupid!" she hissed, starting to regret her kindness. 

        Maybe it's not too late to trip him, or drown him in a puddle...

        "Why don't you just ditch the groceries?" (Y/N) questioned. "They're already ruined now thanks to the rain."

        "But we spent money on it." Yuri groaned.

        "C'mon, it's not like we don't have the money to buy more. Next time let's just carry an umbrella whenever we go grocery shopping." (Y/N) spoke.

        Yuri looked at her, then the groceries, before sighing and placing them on the ground. 

        "Oh well... maybe someone desperate enough will find good use for it." Yuri spoke. "Still, what a waste." 

        "Let's hurry up, we still have a bit to walk, and I want to get out of this weather." (Y/N) spoke, ignoring that feeling of dread in her stomach. 

        Every lightning strike caused a zap of light down the streets, like the flash of grenades, or the light from the rifle's muzzle. Her eyes traveled the streets, searching for any enemies being revealed by the fleeting light. Every bang sounded similar to a trigger being pulled and a bullet firing from the sudden explosive pressure, the sound reminding her of the ringing in her ears after she fired on some poor soul who didn't notice her hiding. The white flashes were replaced with red, the blood on her hands and in her ears, the painful stabbing sensation in her leg and rib as the bullets made a home embedded in her flesh. 

        "Hey, are you okay?" Yuri questioned as he noticed her unusual quietness.

        She was quiet, unusual for her rather talkative personality with Yuri, but it wasn't a comfortable silence. Yuri looked concerned as her face was pale, her arms motionless as she walked, and her pace slowing down despite being adamant about escaping the rain. 

        It took him a second, but then he realized it; shell shock. Of course, flashing lights and bright noises would make them remember the trauma that took place in the battlefield for a veteran, it doesn't help she was a child when she was in the war either. Even if Yuri disliked Westalis, she played a part and fought for Westalis in the war, and it brought a pity and sympathy for her to experience such a traumatizing event, much less take part in it.

        Yuri gently took her arm, being careful not to make any quick movements, and with his other hand he turned her head to face him. There was an almost glazed-look in her eyes, her expression almost emotionless.

        "Hey, (Y/N)." Yuri spoke, making sure to keep his tone calm and gentle as he moved his hand down to hers, eloping their fingers together. "Let's go home and get out of this rain."

        Rain, right! It was just rain and thunder, not any dirt hitting her from the explosions or the boom of gunfire.

         "Oh! Y-yeah... I don't really like thunderstorms..." she mumbled, regaining some sense of the present reality.

        Yuri took her coat off his head, instead placing it on her head, covering her eyes so she wouldn't have to see the flashes of light. Unfortunately, he couldn't cover her ears or anything while he walked, but he could at least prevent any visual flashbacks hopefully. 

        "Hey, what are you doing?" (Y/N) questioned, blindly following Yuri as he held her hand. 

        His pace quickened as he hurried home with her, doing his best to see since the power was still out so the lampposts didn't work. Eventually, he got to the apartment complex and took the stairs since the elevator was down. He took her to their apartment and unlocked the door, closing it behind them. 

        The light switch didn't work, though that wasn't a shock since the whole building's power was out. Yuri sat (Y/N) down on their couch and closed the curtains so no lightning could be seen, then rummaged through drawers around the apartment. He found candles and lit the wicks, at least providing a bit of light for the two. Yuri took the candle and guided them to their bedroom. He sat (Y/N) down on their bed as he picked out pajamas for the pair of them.

        He looked back at (Y/N), unsure if she'd be able to actually change into the clothes herself or not. She seemed a little better now that they were in the apartment, still obviously shaking and on edge, but at least she gave out short responses when he spoke to her. 

        "Here, change into these. I'll be right back." Yuri spoke, grabbing his clothes and walking into the dark bathroom to change in the dark while she stayed in the candle's dim light.

        He quickly changed out of his after-work clothes and into his pajamas, knocking on the bathroom door. "Hey, I'm coming out. Are you finished changing?"

        "Yes." (Y/N) spoke quietly, almost muttering. 

        Yuri opened the bathroom door, relieved to see she was still present enough to be able to do a task such as changing clothes. Yuri grabbed a towel and dried off (Y/N)'s hair, then proceeded to brush it and use whatever products he's seen her put in it before. When he finished doing (Y/N)'s hair, he took the candle in one of his hands and took her hand in his other, guiding her under their bedsheets. He tucked her in all snug and cozy, before sitting down next to her.          

        Even with the flashing light covered, every explosion outside left an explosion inside her mind, debris from that day piling up on her as she hit the tree, disoriented and confused why the falling star just destroyed her home. Or the sound of dirt being crunched as military tanks rolled in, the Westalis military trying to aid Luwen's survivors from the bombings, as the shouts of civilians and crying of injured children just like her could be heard from afar. The buses transporting the survivors to shelters as they wore gas masks to prevent themselves from enhancing the chemicals from the nukes, or trying their best to speed out of Luwen to avoid excessive exposure to radiation. 

        There was no power, so he was unsure how to distract her of the noises going on outside. Her expression seemed troubled, her eyes glazed as they tried to figure out what was the past and present. It was almost like she could feel that heavy gun strap digging into her shoulder again, or how she needed to use both index fingers to apply enough force to pull the trigger and add another fatality to her ever-growing piling count. 

        "Do you want to read a book?" Yuri questioned, unsure what else to do.

        There was no TV, no radio they could listen to since he had a plug-in that needed electricity, no chance of going outside for a walk or even just people watch. It wasn't like they had a pet to entertain (Y/N) with, though he's unsure if he'd even like a pet wandering the house while they're out working. 

        "No..." (Y/N) muttered, resting her head on Yuri's shoulder.

        Every boom sent a jolt in her chest, her body reflecting the feeling as she jolted too. Her hands shook, not from the lingering cold of outside, but from the cold silence in the battlefield. The sudden shouts on the radio channels breaking the noise, static voices crying for help after being shot by the enemy or being stabbed by a knife bayonet to where they couldn't stitch the triangular-wound. 

        "You like music, right?" Yuri questioned.

        "Yes?" (Y/N) answered, confused on what music had to do with thunderstorms in a power outage.

        "Ilse Werner... she's one of your favorites, right?" Yuri questioned. "You have her vinyls."

        "Yeah. I guess you could say she's one of my German favorites..." she nodded.

        "Do you wanna sing?" Yuri questioned, his face dead serious as he looked at her. 

        "Sing?" she parroted, cracking a smile.

        "Yeah. Do you wanna sing with me?" he repeated. 

        "Sure..." she hummed, smiling. "Can we sing 'Ich hab dich und du hast mich' (I have you and you have me)?"

        "Of course you'd choose that one." He spoke, playfully rolling his eyes. 

        (Y/N) grabbed his hand and looked up at him saying the first words as Yuri quickly followed, falling into a symphony together. 

        "Ich seh’ die Welt seit heute

        In rosarotem Licht

        Es haben alle Leute

        Ein glückliches Gesicht

        Es sehen alle Dinge

        Bunt und verzaubert aus

        Zwei kleine gold’ne Ringe

        Und schon ist das Glück im Haus."

        (From today on I see the world

        Through rose-tinted glasses

        All the people

        Have happy faces

        All the things seem

        Colourful and magical

        Two little gold rings

        And that's enough to keep us happy)

        Sure, their rings weren't gold, instead a pretty silver with rubies on top, but that's fine with them. It's not like a color would deter the two of them, their love was still as pure as gold even if their rings weren't.

        "Ich hab’ dich und du hast mich

        Was brauchen wir noch mehr

        Einmal Freud und einmal Leid

        Zu zweit ist’s halb so schwer

        Ich bin jung und du bist jung

        Und vor uns liegt die Welt

        Man erreicht ja alles leicht

        Wenn man zusammenhält"

        (I have you and you have me

        What else do we need?

        Both happiness and pain

        Are easier to bear when they're shared

        I'm young and you're young

        The whole world lies at our feet

        Well, it's easy to achieve anything

        If we stick together)

        Both happiness and pain, a vow shared between the two once Yuri proposed that ring and (Y/N) accepted. Even if they originally hated each other, coming from two separate sides of this ongoing Cold War between Westalis and Ostania as the Iron Curtain blocked them, they still had each other whilst the rest of the world was under them. 

        "Ab heute ist mein Leben

        Von Grund auf renoviert

        Du hast außer der Wohnung

        Auch mein Herz frisch tapeziert"

        (From today on my life has been

        Changed from the ground up

        Not only the walls, you've also

        Wallpapered my heart)

        Not only have the two fought each other countless times through bickers and arguments and even missions (Yuri's poor jaw), it never deterred the other. Somehow along their fighting, they managed to fight their ways into each other's hearts, keeping an iron fist to never let go of one another. 

        "Ich hab’ dich und du hast mich

        Was brauchen wir noch mehr

        Einmal Freud und einmal Leid

        Zu zweit ist’s halb so schwer."

        (I have you and you have me

        What else do we need?

        Both happiness and pain

        Are easier to bear when they're shared)

        Hardships will always be apart of one's marriage. Is it truly love if you don't fight for it? 

        "Ich hab’ dich und du hast mich

        Was brauchen wir noch mehr

        Einmal Freud und einmal Leid

        Zu zweit ist’s halb so schwer."

        (I have you and you have me

        What else do we need?

        Both happiness and pain

        Are easier to bear when they're shared)

        Love will never be easy, there will never be a perfect happy ever after. After all, love has lessons you must learn. In order to care for another, you must first care for yourself. You can't expect to care for someone if you can't even take care of yourself. You deserve to be placed on a pedestal too. You shouldn't tear yourself apart trying to sew another together. 

        "Ich bin jung und du bist jung

        Und vor uns liegt die Welt

        Man erreicht ja alles leicht

        Wenn man zusammenhält"

        (I'm young and you're young

        The whole world lies at our feet

        Well, it's easy to achieve anything

        If we stick together).

        Suddenly, the explosions outside didn't exist in her mind, but her heart instead. She smiled at Yuri, resting her head on his shoulder as she hummed. 

        "Thank you, Yuri..." she spoke.

        "Anytime, (Y/N)." He smiled, leaning back and placing his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side.

        What's there to be scared of when (Y/N) had Yuri and Yuri had (Y/N)?

        Thank you for being patient as I work on this! At the moment, I do have more requests in, however I believe I'll finished the Andrew Graves x reader: Star Patient series before I continue working on requests. I know I always complete requests extremely late and a good part of that is not having any time to write and not having any motivation to write, so I appreciate everyone who continues to read my work and engage in my writing hobbies! Thank you to all my stars for supporting me on our journey through the galaxy together!

        Want more Yuri Briar content? Check out the Yuri Briar masterlist!

        By the way, the song was "Ich hab dich und du hast mich" (I have you and you have me) by Ilse Werner. The original song is in German. Lyrics was translated and used from the website lyricstranslate.com

Inbox is OPEN for requests!

[thatgirl4815]

Intimacy Progression Per Couple (Ep 1)

In this tweet, Jojo mentions how sex will reappear throughout the series because all of the relationships are based upon it. This got me thinking about how we’ve seen these relationships progress so far (in sex and otherwise) and how these progressions are indicative of each couples’ plot down the line.

I mentioned once before that in terms of progression, the couples follow a semi-“Goldilocks” formula, though only where physical intimacy is concerned. From this standpoint, RaySand and BostonNick stand on opposite sides of the spectrum, with TopMew fitting nicely in the middle. It’s interesting that they’ve been laid out this way because 1) it creates variety and 2) this variety suggests the role sex could play in the foundations of each relationship.

RaySand

Before the series aired, I was massively confused about the distinction between Bed Friend and FWB (still am, tbh). But after episode 1, we know that RaySand has at least some emotional foundation to their relationship prior to their sleeping together. I believe in their case, they will be friendly towards each other (idk if I'd call it a "friendship" exactly) beforehand, unlike their direct counterpart BostonNick, who had sex before any sort of emotional connection was built.

RaySand’s story being noticeably devoid of romance so far (despite the obvious hints of it) is what leads me to believe that they have the greatest chance of working through their issues. This is not to say that any relationship rooted in sex from the get-go is doomed to fail, but the fact that we have been exposed to the individual aspects of Ray and Sand—namely, Ray’s drinking problem and Sand’s helpfulness—before their characterization as a couple implies that their relationship will focus a lot on their individual issues and how those pose a threat to relationships in general. For Ray, it seems pretty clear what those issues could be given his very obvious drinking and self-worth problem. For Sand, those issues still remain unclear.

Again, this is not to say that the other couples are not given individual characterization prior to their relationships with each other--with the exception of maybe Nick, given that we see him rather sparingly in this first episode and the only thing we see him do each time is a) thirst over Boston or b) hook up with Boston. So not too much to work with there (yet). While Sand is scarcely seen outside of his interactions with Ray in episode 1, these interactions notably say a lot about who he is as a person independent of Ray (helpful, frustrated, patient, forgiving, etc.). For Ray, we're provided some additional context for his self-worth issues from his interactions with his friends as well as Sand.

I don't think RaySand is going to remain chaste for very long considering the show we're watching, but the fact that we have been given a slower build to it could say something interesting about the nature of their relationship (and where sex is involved). My guess is that RaySand's relationship will be more rooted in the comforter-comfortee trope (for lack of a better term): Sand gives and Ray receives. These roles have already been set up in episode 1, and I think they will maintain them for a period of time before Ray's inability to give back to Sand (emotionally, as opposed to physically) forms a wedge between them (see Sand's "Focus on me for once, will you?").

I would argue that sex will bring Ray and Sand closer, but I think it will inevitably mean more to them once they realize that there are actual emotions involved; what one (or both) might imagine as a hookup soon becomes a dependency. Which brings me to...

BostonNick

As mentioned above, BostonNick establish a sexual relationship before anything else. The parameters, even now, are pretty clear: they don't know each other but they're attracted to one another, they hook up and continue to do so = FWB. The problem being that Nick starts to develop actual feelings, wanting an exclusive relationship with Boston who has no desire to be exclusive with anyone (except for maybe Top, but that's up for debate).

So far, the importance of sex to this relationship is pretty clear: it is the relationship, in fact. Based on the trailer, there is a very clear boundary that Boston wants to uphold that Nick is determined to challenge. For Boston then, sex is a selfish act (this reminds me of what we heard Top tell Mew in the trailer about wanting to make him as happy as possible--I believe Boston could relate to the idea of desiring sex wholly for his own pleasure rather than his partner's).

I think Boston navigates sex in fascinating ways, and we see that through Top. I still believe Boston desires Top to feed his own ego and not much more. He can't understand how someone like Top could honestly want someone like Mew beyond a hookup. Could any of this have to do with Boston's deep-seated insecurities about relationships? Is he scared of forming a long-lasting relationship, so he settles for these quick one-offs to boost his ego and be done with it? Is he simply disinterested in settling when there are so many options? These are all questions that we don't have enough context to answer, but I think Nick's influence will force him to contend with them a bit. I'd imagine there has to be at least some of this conflict in BostonNick's storyline, otherwise the plot would be rather static.

TopMew

Mew's response to Top's advances provides a good outlook on his own values and boundaries. Just as Top views Mew as a challenge, I think Mew view Top as a similar challenge. Mew isn't naive; he knows who Top is just like he knows who Boston is. He will play Top like a fiddle. In that sense, I think he is withholding sex for two reasons: 1) because of his own values, as he states, and 2) because it's the thing he knows Top desires. To test Top's intentions, he can simply withhold sex and see whether Top's interest wanes. (This is likely what leads Top back to Boston, affirming what Mew already suspects about Top and Boston's similarities.)

For both players in TopMew and BostonNick, sex means something different. For Top and Boston, we can assume they have fairly similar ideas of it (which will notably change over the course of the series, I'm sure). For Mew, sex is about more than temporary satisfaction--it's something he holds in high esteem and wants to cherish with someone he's built a strong relationship with. For Nick, sex is a way of bringing him closer to Boston emotionally (tbh, I'm sure Nick didn't plan on forming an emotional attachment to Boston, but here we are).

*Side note, but it's funny that Nick seems on par for the course that Mew outlines for Top in episode 1:

Mew has an acute understanding of himself, and that's what gives him all the power in his relationship with Top. Top might think he's in control, but Mew is the one dictating. And if Top decides to leave, then Mew will have simply proven what he has suspected since their first night together. Mew wins no matter what (unless, of course, he starts to cave and lets his real feelings get involved).

~ X ~

This ended up being a bit of a rant, but in response to those critics on Twitter that Jojo felt the need to call out: sex isn't just sex for the sake of it. It's already informing the way these characters view themselves and their emotional ties. The emotional element of sex seems like a major component in the series, as the lines between mere physical intimacy blur with those of emotional intimacy. I think we will see that conflict come up in each of the relationships to some degree, but in vastly different ways.

[realcube]

YOU GOT: KENMA KOZUME (time-skip)

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ matchup for @bobateagojo

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ if you would like a matchup, read this!

'My love languages are acts of service, quality time & physical touch.'

𓆩♡𓆪 kenma is likely the same except replace act of service with gift giving (bc he's too lazy to do anything lol)

𓆩♡𓆪 the frequency of each one varies

𓆩♡𓆪 i'd say before he gets hella rich , quality time would be his main one

𓆩♡𓆪 like he'd enjoy hanging out with you and doing basically anything as long as it was with you

𓆩♡𓆪 BUT after his company/streaming takes off, he'd bemore inclined to gift giving

𓆩♡𓆪 bc obviously he has more to spend , but less time

𓆩♡𓆪 he always does his best to make time for you still, despite how busy he is

𓆩♡𓆪 he'll have dedicated days of the week where he will just turn his work cellphone off to focus on y'alls dates

𓆩♡𓆪 and for the most part he will always try to work from home so y'all can hang out

𓆩♡𓆪 and cuddle while he is doing business research or streaming

𓆩♡𓆪 even if he has face-cam on (which he doesn't do often), you can still have your head in his lap and he can stroke your hair and caress your cheek

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

'I'm very shy and introverted, but I open up more around people I'm very comfortable with.'

𓆩♡𓆪 very much kenma-coded

𓆩♡𓆪 this would make for a meet cute in a really busy place like a social event or just a party or a packed bar your friends dragged you to etc etc

𓆩♡𓆪 OR!! a volleyball game , hm?

𓆩♡𓆪 anyway you and kenma are both like standing awkwardly to the side and you take notice of each other and bond over your mutual distaste of the current situation

𓆩♡𓆪 he is an introvert but he's also a hater so he would have the confidence to make the first move and talk to you first, however it's defo gonna be something out of line and abrupt like 'i hate it here.'

𓆩♡𓆪 but you're immediately 'same 😩'

𓆩♡𓆪 and thats how he knew he found a real one 🤞

𓆩♡𓆪 and y'all can be socially introverted together forever

𓆩♡𓆪 later on when he becomes a streamer , he does start to come out of his shell a little

𓆩♡𓆪 (considering he talks to an audience of 100k+ almost daily, he kinda has no choice)

𓆩♡𓆪 and whether you want to undergo that journey with him is completely up to you

𓆩♡𓆪 like he'd totally get it if you want to stay out of the spotlight and not accompany him to any like big YouTube events and stuff

𓆩♡𓆪 bc there are gonna be tons of shows and fans bombarding you and he knows that can be quite overwhelming so he'd never want to subject you to that

𓆩♡𓆪 so he doesn't mind if you wanna remain away from the public eye

𓆩♡𓆪 in fact , he enjoys keeping you as his little secret

𓆩♡𓆪 that only he gets to enjoy mwahaha

𓆩♡𓆪bc tbh his fans are crazy and would probs make thirst edits of you if you were to ever show your face on his stream

𓆩♡𓆪 and kenma wouldn't be able to cope

𓆩♡𓆪 seeing 20k+ ppl in the comments of a video calling you hot would drive him mad icl

𓆩♡𓆪 so it's probably for the best you stay out of his streams lol

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

'My ideal date is a movie / game night or a coffee / bubble tea date.'

𓆩♡𓆪 oh he'd love this

𓆩♡𓆪 game night is the definition of a perfect date

𓆩♡𓆪 but he understands for a first date you guys should do something special and out-and-about

𓆩♡𓆪 so he'd defo take you for bubble tea

𓆩♡𓆪 and y'all would probs have the same/similar order and he'd fall for you on the spot 😔

𓆩♡𓆪 knowing his luck , when he tries to tear the seal with his straw, the whole drink would explode

𓆩♡𓆪 and now he's covered in milk and tapioca pearls

𓆩♡𓆪 and if you were to laugh at him a little, he would act bothered but inside he is melting bc he loves seeing you laugh

𓆩♡𓆪 but yeah , he's probably too shy to ask the workers for a replacement drink (this is before his blossoming) so he'd buy a new one lol

𓆩♡𓆪 he'd want to quit the date early bc.. yk.. he's covered with drink

𓆩♡𓆪 but he also doesn't want to give you the wrong impression and make you think he's not enjoying himself or doesn't like you or smth

𓆩♡𓆪 so he invites you back to his place

𓆩♡𓆪 and after he showers and cleans up , y'all play some video games

𓆩♡𓆪 and that's when the real chemistry happens lol

𓆩♡𓆪 he'd find it so cute seeing your competitive side come out during mario kart or smash bros

𓆩♡𓆪 and you guys could play minecraft

𓆩♡𓆪 that way he can smoothly ask you out on a second date by being like 'hmm it's getting late but maybe you should come over again sometime and we can finish off our house'

𓆩♡𓆪 that is , if you even leave that night

𓆩♡𓆪 you might get so involved in playing that you end up pulling an all-nighter without even knowing 😭

𓆩♡𓆪 but that's okay , y'all can nap together through the day 😛🤞

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

for @bobateagojo : i considered yamaguchi for you but kenma would enjoy a game night more lol

[iobartach]

GET TO KNOW YOUR ADMIN !!

name — Nix

pronouns — anything at all tbh, i don't mind!

preferred comms — leaning more towards discord than tumblr; i am just a slow replier / not available at times. so gimme a shout if you ever wanna share discord usernames!

name of muse — miguel o'hara / spider-man 2099

experience in RP — coming up fast on 18ish years this july, i think? 🥴tumblr's been the platform i've used the most, i came over from bebo, the original version, way back in the day, and also gave forum and discord server rps a go, but eh, i just like the format of tumblr more? especially for being able to make themes and stuff.

best experiences — fortunate to have had plenty of 'em! with miguel though, i have to say it's been especially fun? i really missed the whole aspect of meeting new people and crafting plots / crossovers when it comes to RP, as i had slowed down on writing for a while to get my career started. but now, i'm so glad to be back at it , more often!

pet peeves/dealbreakers — ahhh, let's see, i've gotten laid back af the longer i've been writing? the things that i appreciate nowadays are when folks take the time out to read over my guidelines, headcanons, bio (it's so poorly written, i am so sorry) etc, but i'm not gonna be a hardass about telling you to do so, either? like, someone taking the time to read my hcs is cool! going the extra mile and mentioning them in threads / plots? damn, kudos to you, i can't thank you enough! and if someone has any questions? my door's always open, i will ramble at you until the crack of dawn about miguel if you give me the chance 😂 but yeah with all that said, i'm not gonna hassle or bother folks if they don't read my stuff or ask me questions.!

that said, though, i do wanna point out that there are some specific things to my flavour of miguel that i'm trying to be consistent about? which, for anyone who's known me for years shouldn't be surprising to hear. i've been meaning to add them to my pinned post for my own / other's reference, and 100% accept that i don't call or jot them down as often as i should, it's all kinda just sitting in my head! oops!

and well... to that end, i'd also like to tentatively say... please don't automatically make assumptions / presumptions about my take on miguel, either? 🙏 yes, he's arisen from the atsv version, which i acknowledge can attract certain... notions. but, at the same time, please respect that he's not a soundboard or a thirst trap. he's a guy that, in my telling, fucked up, royally and is trying to deal with that, in his own way.

same also goes for no meaning no. both in-character and out-of-character. miguel will be blunt / react accordingly to things he doesn't vibe with (physical touch, dehumanising comments [deliberate or otherwise], etc), especially with strangers / unfamiliar people -- and for myself, i've been in enough rpcs for long enough to not allow myself to be strongarmed into doing certain things. i'd expand more about my previous experiences, but a munday post ain't the place for that, so yeah. i just would be grateful for any acknowledgement of this. all i wanna do is write one spidery guy, in relative peace, at my own pace & leisure. cheers !

muse preference ( fluff, angst, smut ) — i'm a glutton for a bit of everything, but i kinda lean lately more towards action and slice of life. fluff is good, but i try to approach it so that i don't overdo it -- same with angst, i thrive on it, but again, all things in moderation ! and of course, if mutuals ever feel like i'm leaning hard towards a particular genre (which i've a tendency to do!), feel free to pull me back a bit, i won't mind!

plot or memes — memes are the balm for my soul, i stg <3 i love how they can be icebreakers, as well as the perfect thing to spark some muse inspiration after spending the weekdays working. i do love to plot, too, and i've been thinking of doing a lot more of it lately, especially as i grow to learn about another mun's muse, but i'm also a bit of a slow burner when it comes to that, largely because of how much of my week is taken up by work (a blessing and a curse :() . so if you're fine with plots & long form threads progressing over months, absolutelyyy hit me up! 👀

long or short replies — cackling me + short reply is rarer than hen's teeth🤣 i can't do one-liners for the life of me, so you'll always get a small paragraph or two. i love doing long replies, especially if my writing muse is thriving, but never fear about matching reply length or anything! i just ... can't shut up, sometimes, lmao.

best time to write — weekdays are a huge hit or miss 🥴 sometimes, i'm able to write, more times, i'm not. so weekends, when i have the time to chill and relax, not stress about things, is when i find my motivation to write thrives the most

are you like your muse? — in one very specific way maybe; little patience for assholes 🤣 . i'd love to be able to take things on the chin, but eh, stupid stuff can get to me at times. if anything, i feel i'm more like miguel's brother gabriel, and i both love and work in tech rather than in science. worked a two-year stint in a medical corpo and i came out the other side vowing to never again do that. 🥴 i'd also love to be a smartass and have miguel's dry wit, but alas i'm just a funky irish potato.🤣

Tagged: @pzfr

Tagging: anyone who wants to steal this!

[uhohwhathaveidone]

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Okay so I feel like we need some Garreth love so maybe, like, mutual pining, reader is super stressed and kinda reaching toward a burn-out? And Garreth notices (bc tbh I kinda feel like he's actually super smart. like it takes a good bit of thirst for knowledge to get his hobby.) and just tries to cherr them up and make them laugh? Constructive support??

That's an idea but I'd honestly take anything with Garreth. Oh also I feel like reader doesn't *have* to be the mc of the game? But like, honestly just go off if you feel like it, like just habe fun, that's what matters most.

Much love, xoxo

The Weasley twins have been in my dreams 4 nights in a row I need someone to stop them.

Support (G.W)

I love Garreth so much, I would steal from Sharp fifty times for him if he asked. He's done no wrong, he's like a fluffy ChowChow. I kept the reader gender neutral, and also guess what. First Gryffindor pov isn't that great. I hope you enjoy <3

      Garreth hummed to himself as he walked down the stairs that led to his dorm room, a small pile of three books in his arms. He had borrowed them from Amit, who was kind enough to offer the astrology books after Garreth expressed his interest in the subject. He smiled as he nodded to Leander as he passed by, speaking to Natty as she walked up to him. “What’s that you got there, Garreth?” She asked, furrowing her brows at the cover of the top book, constellations decorating the front. Garreth smiled, allowing her to pick up the book. “Borrowed them from Amit! I saw something interesting a few nights ago in the sky and asked him about it. I suppose I didn’t explain it well, however, since he just offered the books.” Natty chuckled as she placed the book back onto the pile. “At least you can’t blow anything up with these.” Garreth scoffed as he shook his head, a playful smile on his lips. “You’d be surprised, actually! Felt like my brain was going to burst, still fascinating, though.”

      Natty waved him off, making her way to her dorm. Not quite ready to leave just yet, Garreth took another look around; the cozy common room clad in red and gold seemingly begging him to stay longer. He smiled as he caught a glance at the back of your head as you sat in one of the many cozy seats, facing towards the fireplace as you flipped through the pages of your book. His smile falters for a moment as a frustrated sigh escapes your lips, your head shaking as it disappeared behind the tall back of the chair, head hung low as you rubbed your eyes. He thought for a moment to walk over and speak with you, but he had agreed to return the books to Amit soon and had planned on meeting him in the library to do so. Garreth made a mental note to speak with you when he returned; returning books wouldn’t take that long.

      You had sat in front of the fireplace flipping through different books for a few hours, reaching the fourth hour when you heard Garreth speaking to Natty. O.W.Ls were just around the corner, and you were desperate to score well, reviewing everything you had learned for hours each day. Natty had told you that it wasn’t healthy to cram everything in a week before the exams, and you smiled wearily as you shook your head. “I’ve actually been studying like crazy for a few weeks now, but I’m still not confident that I’ll get a good score, so I’ve been studying more lately.” You had said, stifling a yawn. Natty looked at you with worried eyes as you assured her that you were fine, returning to you books as you sat in the corner of the library. You huffed in frustration as you blinked, frowning as you read a few sentences, realizing that you had already read them a few times now. Your eyes burned from straining them to look at the small words, mixed with the occasional tears of frustration each time your mind blanked after turning a page, having to go back, and read through the passage again. You ran a hand through your hair as you leaned against the back of your chair, sighing as you rolled your shoulders.

      Even with the soft cushions of the chairs that littered the room, your back ached as you poured over your books once again, biting the inside of your cheek as you read about the proper stirring techniques for a Wiggenweld potion. You knew which way to stir, of course, yet sometimes you would catch yourself forgetting which way was clockwise and which way was counter, resulting in a cloud of smoke to blow into your face. You pinched the bridge of your nose as tears pricked at your eyes once again, taking a few deep breaths.

      Garreth returned to the common room an hour later after having his ear chatted off by Amit about the contents of the books; he was very passionate about the stars.  He sighed as he ran a hand through his ginger locks, glancing over to where you had sat an hour prior, frowning when he saw your head pop up, followed by another sigh. He slowly made his way over, picking up a nearby quill and leaning over you, taking a peek at your book as he smiled, taking the feathered quill and brushing your nose with it. You huffed, startled, as you heard Garreth chuckle. “Still reading? At this rate, people will think you belong in Ravenclaw!” He joked, looking down at the top of your head, waiting for you to look up at him. When you did, his smile dropped, gaze softening as he took in your red eyes and puffy cheeks. You sniffled lightly, trying to force a smile as you greeted Garreth. “Hello there, Garreth. Weren’t you just here? I swore you left a minute ago.” You trailed off frowning as you racked your brain. He shook his head as he moved to stand in front of you, looking at the pile of books that surrounded you.

      “I went to return books to Amit, and he kept me at the library for over an hour, Y/n.” He started, picking up a Charms book and flipping through its pages. You frowned as you shook your head, flipping the page of the book in your hands. “How long have you been sitting here?” Garreth asked, closing the book, and setting it down, crouching as he picked up some loose parchment that had fallen out of your bag. You shrugged, glancing over at the clock in the corner. “Maybe four hours? I haven’t really been paying attention, really.” “Four hours? Have you even gotten up?” You shook your head, stretching your arms. Garreth shook his head as he sighed, glancing at the book that sat in your lap before grabbing it and closing it. “Hey! I was reading that!” You protested, crossing your arms as he placed it into the pile of books. He shook his head, placing his hands on your knees as he looked up at you. “Not anymore! Come on, time to get up and stretch these legs of yours.” Your cheeks heated slightly as he tapped your legs before he stood up, offering his hand for you to take.

      You huffed as you reached for his hand, feeling him squeeze it gently as he pulled you up. You sighed as you stretched each leg, moving to move your head around in an attempt to ease the tension in your neck. “Every year you do this, and every year I have to coax you out of a chair and actually move around.” Garreth chuckled, ruffling your hair a bit as you sent a half-hearted glare his way. “Whatever would I do without you?” You mocked, yawning lightly. Garreth shook his head as he took your hand and pulled you to the door that led out of the common room. You hesitated, raising a brow as you looked out a nearby window. “Come on, you’re not staying in here all day.” Garreth began, “It’s nice out, come enjoy it with me.” You fought a smile that crept to your lips, shrugging as you began walking to the opening. “All right then, if it stops you from nagging me.” “Nagging? When have I ever done that?” “Yesterday, when you asked me if I could take extra Gillyweed for one of your projects.” Garreth chuckled as he held the portrait open, allowing you to walk through. “I wouldn’t call that nagging.” “I would.”

      The two of you walked down the hall, Garreth sighing as he glanced over at you. “What were you doing with all those books? The O.W.Ls aren’t for another four weeks.” You shook your head, shrugging. “Studying. Better to do it now; the exams are so close.” He scoffed as he shook his head. “Close? It’s a month away. I understand doing some light studying, but what you’re doing? That could do you more harm than good.” You shrugged again, glancing at the fountain in the center of the room as you walked down the staircase. “Where are we going?” You asked, changing the subject. Garreth smirked, pointing to the giant set of doors. “Hogsmeade. I figured the walk there would be good for you, plus we could grab some sweets at Honeydukes.” You smiled as you placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not going to make me sneak into the basement and things for you, right?” He shook his head, a playful scoff leaving his lips. “Me? If anything, I’d do it myself.” He chuckled. “No, we’re not being rebels today. Just a casual stroll to the village to take some of the stress off.” “You stress me out enough.” “And you are going to tell me why you feel the need to study so much instead of taking care of yourself.”

      You walked down the path that led to the village, the warm sun rays seemingly kissing your skin as you closed your eyes; the smell of fresh grass mixed with freshly baked pastry that led from a nearby house filling your senses. Garreth smiled softly as he watched you enjoy the breeze and sun, glad to see you enjoying yourself rather than cramped inside a room with a book in your hands. “You never answered my question, you know.” He spoke, startling you as you opened your eyes, you smiling face turning towards him. “What do you mean?” Garreth shook his head as a chuckle escaped him. “When I asked you why you were studying so much. You do great in classes; I don’t see why you need to work extra hard for an exam that we all know you’ll ace.” You sighed as you looked up at the sky, watching as a group of birds flew overhead. “I want to make sure I do well.” “You will!” “But how will I know? I still can’t get the timing right when it comes to potions, I either stir too early or too late.” Garreth laughed, side-stepping as you moved to swat his arm. “It’s not funny! This is serious. Not everyone is as good at potions as you are, you know!”

      Garreth raised his hands in surrender as he moved back to walk by your side, running a hand through his hair; the ginger colour practically glowing in the golden sunlight. “I wasn’t great at potions when we started out, you know. It was…a process.” You scoffed as you crossed your arms, pouting slightly. “And what was that?” “Promise you won’t laugh.” “Well, if you’re going to joke about it.” “It's not a joke! Honest!” You sighed, nodding as you took another glance at Garreth, his freckled cheeks dusted with a golden light mixed with a light pink blush. “When it comes to timing it, I found that many potions follow the same timeframe. If you can figure that out, the rest of it is easy.” You shook your head, opening your mouth only to have Garreth put his hand on your shoulder. “I’m not done!” He started. “I find that they usually go with the timing of…a nursery rhyme. A Sailor Went to Sea, to be exact.” You bit your lip, holding back a small chuckle that threatened to escape you. “I told you not to laugh.” “I’m- I’m not!”

      “Anyway,” he continued, “my mother used to sing it to me, and as I was timing how long it took to wait to stir one of the potions, it came into mind.” You nodded as you smiled. “How does it go?” Garreth huffed as he glanced at you and back to the ground in embarrassment. “A Sailor went to sea, sea, sea. To see what he could see, see, see. But all that he could see, see, see. Was the bottom of the deep blue sea, sea, sea.” You smiled as you nodded along. “That’s a cute little rhyme. And it helps you?” “Yeah. Weird, isn’t it?” “Not really, if it helped you become one of the best students in class then surely it’s a working method.” Garreth chuckled as he sighed. “Don’t tell anyone, now! It’s embarrassing enough that I sung it to you.” You smiled at him as you stuck out your pinky, waving it around. “What are you doing?” “A pinky swear! Come on, it’s been a thing for thirty years, surely you know about it.” “I know what it is! I mean why.” “To swear that this little moment stays between us, our own little thing!” Gerreth felt a smile grow as he raised his hand to interlock his pinky with your own, watching as you closed your eyes for a moment before pressing your hand to your lips. “There, sealed away.” “You’re rather odd, you know that?” “Yeah, but come on! I’m craving Fizzing Whizzbees.”

      You walked around the village with a smile on your face, grabbing Garreth’s hand as you pointed to the candy store. He smiled as the two of you headed over, the small chime from the bell atop the door sounding as you became surrounded by the sounds of chattering students, the air thick with the scent of sweets. “We should probably grab a good amount.” Garreth said, picking up a few bags of Fizzing Whizzbees as you furrowed your brows. “Why?” You asked, picking up a box of chocolate frogs. Garreth stood over you as he looked into the box of treats, smiling as he offered his hand. “Snacks for our study sessions. Can’t learn on an empty stomach, especially one that doesn’t have any sugar.” You took his hand, following him to where a collection of Sugar Quills sat. “Wait, so now you want to study with me?” You replied, raising a brow as he handed you a small handful of the candies. “More like you’re studying with me. Less stressful, more effective, if I say so myself.” You shook your head, smiling. “I suppose it’s a date then.” “Indeed, it is.”

[technicolorfamiliar]

Technicolor Familiar Watches Too Many Conrad Veidt Movies Part 1 of ?

Apropos of nothing, I find myself wading around waist deep in Conrad Veidt's filmography, at least the titles I can easily find online.

I've been writing down my mostly brief impressions after each movie, mainly for my own entertainment since I know exactly zero other people who would care lol. I actually created a Mastodon account especially for this purpose, since my primary socials aren't really for this sort of thing. But the character limit on Mastodon is seriously cramping my style, so I'm going to be annoying about this on Tumblr, my self-imposed blog expectations be damned.

I'm not doing plot summaries, but there are spoilers. I'm not watching these movies in any particular order other than what I'm in the mood for on any given day. I'm half trying to keep the thirst levels to a minimum, but no promises; all bets were off after watching A Woman's Face. And tbh, this whole thing has turned into an Emotional Support / Coping Mechanism / Escapism Tactic because hoo boy is my brain bad these days. But be forewarned, I'm not a writer, I'm not a film critic. I just like movies and turns out I like Conrad Veidt a lot too. I'd probably have more and better things to say about a lot of these upon a second or third watch.

So as of late November, I'm 15 films deep with a lot more to go. I'm thinking about splitting this up into multiple posts, maybe like 5ish films/post. Originally I was going to see how many of these movies can I watch before the end of 2023. But I'm just going to keep going until I run out of available titles or I get sick of Connie's face (unlikely).

The Man Who Laughs, 1928 Dir. Paul Leni ⭐4.5/5 Watched mid-Oct, Archive.org Nothing could have prepared me for this. Of course I was aware of TMWL, but more vaguely than I guess I realized. It's really ahead of its time. The production quality is astounding, it's an absolutely beautiful film. The whole cast is pretty great, too. The Duchess? Total smoke show. Homo the Dog? Queer icon. And Connie really swings for the fences emotionally and physically as Gwynplaine. Bear in mind, this is literally only the third Conrad Veidt movie I've ever seen (other than the basic, intro level Cabinet of Dr Caligari and Casablanca), so I was really floored by what he's able to do in this role with the use of really only half his face. There are several wonderfully haunting and heartbreaking visuals and moments throughout the nearly 2 hour runtime that will stay with me long after watching. Half a star got knocked off because the score was a little bombastic and there were one too many clowns for me personally. But those are small complaints for what may otherwise be a pretty perfect film.

Unheimliche Geschichten (Eerie Tales), 1919 Dir. Richard Oswald ⭐3/5 Watched mid-Oct, Archive.org A romp. The version I watched had no soundtrack at all, making for a totally silent viewing experience. The vignette structure and old school effects are fun. I enjoyed seeing Anita Berber in action although maybe I was expecting more because of all the hype surrounding her/her image. But Connie, Anita, and Reinhold Schünzel seem like they had a good time working on this project. "The Black Cat" and "The Suicide Club" were my favorite sections (and I actually watched this when I was in the middle of Netflix's The Fall of the House of Usher, so yay for extra Poe content in the spookiest month). As for Connie Content, what can I say, he's stunning.

The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari, 1920 Dir. Robert Wiene ⭐3.5/5 Watched Oct 17, Archive.org I went hard with the silent era when I started this journey. Caligari was my intro to Conrad Veidt almost 15 years ago, and as a lapsed goth art student, I remember being bewitched by his strange and off-putting presence on screen. My rating for this one is kind of low compared to how undoubtedly iconic and important of a film it is. It could have been my mood but upon rewatching, but the story fell a little flat for me. I did like the updated score in the version I watched, and I would love to see this one on the big screen maybe with a live orchestra some day.

Orlacs Hände (The Hands of Orlac), 1924 Dir. Robert Wiene ⭐4/5 Watched Oct 17, Archive.org Loved. It's so horny and bizarre (the scene with the maid crawling on the floor? same, girl, same). And visually the most pre-David Lynch Lynchian-looking movie I've ever seen. The shots that linger on highly stylized, cavernous, empty rooms before a character enters? So David Lynch. I'm also a big fan of the psychological body horror and crime thriller genre mashup. It's got twists, it's got turns. Conrad Veidt's your man if you ever needed a Hand Actor. Like the handsiest Hand Actor who ever had a pair of hands. Someone who could really work those mitts.

A Woman's Face, 1941 Dir. George Cukor ⭐4.5/5 Watched Oct 18, Vudu & TCM Jumping way forward in Connie's career. This movie did things to me. This was, I think, the point of no return. It's extremely underrated, I'm legitimately surprised I'd not heard of it before diving down this rabbit hole. That said, it is strange and pretty spicy for a Hays Code era picture. It's so good, I actually watched it twice (it aired on TCM as a part of their creepy cinema series). Visually beautiful and narratively interesting, if maybe a little long despite the rushed ending. Shout out to Joan Crawford for giving what's probably the best performance of hers, at least that I've seen (Mildred Pierce who?). And then there's nasty, nasty Conrad Veidt. He very nearly steals the movie from Joan, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He's beautiful, he's TALL, he's scary. Genuinely shocked he doesn't have second billing. But what else can I say about his Torsten Barring that hasn't already been said more eloquently by others? It's such a great character, and I believe he said it was one of his favorites during his entire 100+ film career. A Woman's Face is the only title on this list so far where immediately after watching I wanted to buy the dvd. Ugh, we deserved several more decades of Connie in roles like this.

I'll probably post the next few one day soon, where I finally get into some titles from the 1930s.

[solardrop]

(this is not a request so no pressure!) but because of the age difference I think if the whole group is together it would be so funny if Spencer gets mistaken by the readers boyfriend while he's staying there like a little string bean while Hotch is frowning in the background

I know you said this wasn't a request but it somehow turned into one 🤡

I hope it at least gets a laugh out of you! When I first started actually watching criminal minds I was very much a spencer girl (still am tbh). And I'd log on tumblr severely confused about all the weirdos thirsting after hotch. But a few episodes and a couple of wife deaths later I am also a weirdo. So this idea made me laugh, thank you for sending it! ♥️♥️

[sainzinnorris]

Please ignore these if you don’t feel like answering them or you already answered them ❤️ Fancy a fun question chain to pass around f1blr?? Over to you, lovely!

Name (or what you want to be called on tumblr)

Where are you from?

Where do you live?

Any pets?

Favorite driver(s) currently on the grid, and why?

Favorite driver(s) not currently on the grid and why?

Favorite romantic driver pairing(s) (e.g. Maxiel, Carlando)

Driver you’re most attracted to physically

Driver whose personality you like best

Favorite driver friendship(s)

Favorite team principal

Favorite team

Least favorite team, if any

Driver(s) you dislike, if any

If you’re a fic writer: if you could only write about one f1 pairing for the rest of your life who are you choosing?

Please send this to 10 (or more!) other F1 tumblr users that you love and want to get to know better 🫶

1. stella <333

2. im from asia but i live in qatar (i know f1 girlies know qatar cause of the terrible gp 🚶🏾)

3. no pets, but I'd love to have a rabbit one day 🫶🏾

4. well, carlos is my favourite driver. djjdjd he was the one who truly got me into f1 (after one of his photo dumps where he posted some thirst trap. i think right before the baku GP 2023)

5. it's literally my first year as an f1 girlie, so i don't know many drivers. but nico rosberg. he's really complex and the more lore i find out about him, the more flabbergasted i get. so definitely wished i got to watch him racing live at least once :c

6. carlando. something about these two. they're a fruit basket. like if there's a pairing that would actually happen, it would be them.

7. carlos sainz jr and lewis hamilton. carlos holy fuck. something about him. just beautiful features. his eyes. his nose. lewis is literally so aesthetically pleasing. his face card 😮‍💨❗. lando too nowadays. like, he went from really cute to very hot. and im not complaining at all 🫶🏾

8. lando again. lord his smile. the way he's so giggly and so childish , it's so refreshing on how he seems to be at ease. it's motivating.

9. more of a dad/son thing, but fernando and carlos, lewis and lando. something about these two dad/son pairings makes me so giddy and happy 🫶🏾

10. again, first year in f1, so i don't know much + I haven't seen drive to survive. it's too masterchef australia energy for me to process </333. from what i can gather, james vowles. i really love the statements he puts up after every race weekend and takes up accountability, and explains what goes wrong. the team environment is so fantastic and i adore it so much 🫶🏾.

11. ferrari. but p a i n. someone should have warned me. 😭

12. least favorite team...hmm, i don't have any tbh. im usually indifferent to other teams.

13. nico hulkenberg. idk. he doesn't sit right with me.

14. im not an avid fic writer, but brocedes. because carlando is fluff + smut to me, but brocedes is forever angst. and i adore angst.

and thank you so much for sending this in 💞

[ahqkas]

helloo! i hope ur doing well ^^ (pls beware of very long message... sorry for the long messages btw im rlly talkative HAHAH)

OOH thats actually interesting, and i agree! it actually brings to light the parallels between both harry and mattheo! harry potter being this amazing child who survived voldy, and then mattheo riddle who's feared due to being related by that same man by blood. tbh, dumbledore was probably a bit hesitant and nervous to approach mattheo abt his situation with voldy but im not entirely sure abt it (im not that caught up with dumbledore lore, sorry 😭),, but i agree that he will give vv big special treatment to both mattheo and harry!!

YESYESYES. THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE LORE THAT IVE BEEN MISSING. i think this 'harry-mattheo' part tends to be overlooked (?? then again im not too sure, since whenever i scroll in tumblr i see mostly fics HAHAH, not that im complaining tho),, but my hcs were a bit related to the parallels i mentioned above ^^, it's like harry is in the light and mattheo's in the dark. harry's praised for his power (??) for surviving against the attacks of voldy as a baby and as the 'chosen one', whilst mattheo was in fact feared from being relatively tied, body and soul to voldemort. mattheo was never praised for withstanding the bs his father did and for being strong from the things he individually experienced as a son yk.

i'd like to think that harry actively avoids mattheo maybe, and he avoids him much MUCH more than draco. draco's whines he can tolerate, but the stare of riddle? HE'S RUNNING (jk). honestly potter and riddle would be the talk of hogwarts for a while bc yk:

"pspsps did u hear that 'you-know-who's son is quite literally breathing the same air and walking on the same hallway as potter, the one who survived his father's curse or whatever?!?!?! GASP' and they prob thought some big drama would happen but no, these two guys AVOID each other like the plague 😭. while harry avoids riddle, i don't think he'd sit by if he thinks that mattheo is doing something that actively hurts people.

for mattheo, idk tbh… but i was thinking that mattheo has this hidden jealousy deep down, since potter is being praised for his strength for surviving voldy's thing, but what about him that survived his father's antics and pressure? but its just my hc, i rlly rlly wanna look further into it though!!

i'm still trying to think of a dynamic, both harry and mattheo since im not sure of its accuracy and i rlly want it as lore accurate as possible to satiate my thirst HAHA, but thank you for coming to my ted talk!!

anw, i hope your doing and resting well <33 pls make sure to drink water and eat, and stay safe and healthy!! mwa <3 - c: anon

HII MY LOVE don’t worry i love listening to u !!! that’s okay i don’t really know much about dumbledore myself just the stuff i’ve seen online since i didn’t really pay attention to him when i read the books 😭😭 ,

that’s so true everyone looked up to harry bc of the whole voldemort & ‘the chosen one’ thing but no one noticed mattheo and when they did they’d either avoid him or let him know with their gazes that they don’t like him much , which is from mattheo’s pov unfair bc he obviously didn’t ask for being the blood of the dark lord && here comes the whole thing with him bullying other students at hogwarts when he was younger , yk how draco did so, mattheo would do exactly the same . he was finally feared at the school (kids bullied HIM at the orphanage bc he couldn’t stand up for himself) and he took the chance , i think he’d stop with the harassing during like 4th year when he matured and also bc there was the rise of voldy so he got afraid his father would try & success in finding him soooo his mind was occupied with other things like making fun of other students yk where i’m getting ? 😭😭

THEY WOULD TALK ABOUT THEM 😭😭😭 and you’re so right about mattheo being jealous , potter’s getting all the attention after all, professors adore him (especially the headmaster) && he’s getting praised for literally breathing ??? mattheo’s full of jealousy , although harry’s parents are dead , i think mattheo would often stare at him & the weasley family at the train station at the beginning and end of the school term bc suddenly they’re hugging him and kissing all over his face , something mattheo could only dream of ; the touch of love.

we should write our own rewrite of the hp lore and add mattheo as well 😭😭 may i use these hcs for my fanfics angel ?? u have no idea how much i adore talking about this w u <33

[thefantasticreader]

What I think dating Jasper Hale would be like

I just rewatched the entire twilight series yesterday because I was bored, I never realized as a kid how hot Jasper was but I know now lol. So I'm officially saying it, there should be more team Jasper things. So here's what I think dating him would be like.

in this I'd imagine Alice to just be really close with him but your his mate/dating him

.Super sweet to you and loves to hold you hand or hold on to you

.tries to keep the vampire thing away from you at all costs, but in honesty you'll probably find out sooner than he wanted

.unlike Edward he's not afraid to turn you but will make sure it is what you want first and will definitely ask the other's what they think of it first before moving forwards

.very VERY protective, if someone dares to look at you wrong this man is on top of you as if your a piece of historic relic thats worth everything to him

.At first he was very standoff-ish from you, but after you began to engage he found it hard to stop

.Yes your blood does appeal to him which makes it hard to be around you but never the less he does his best to keep that part of him away from you

.He's scared to hurt you, not in the sense of mental pain but physically because of how strong he is and because of what he is

.He tries to keep the major under a stricter control, one time when you were out with him the major came out because he was mad at something you did and you spent the rest of the night crying in his room. Jasper nor his gifts could calm you down but you did calm down when the major said he wasn't mad at you and forgave you. the major has loved you since then

.Jasper will be super gentle with you, like I said he's scared to hurt you so he treats you like porcelain

.always has to hold you close to him because you keep him calm and help him control his thirst

.always holding your hand, hand on your waist, arm around your neck or shoulders, etc.

.even though he doesn't sleep he loves to cuddle in the bed you begged him to put in his room, and though he secretly hates to admit it, he loves to be able to hold you close

.pretty down to earth tbh, and he loves to take hikes with you or just walk around the town

.the sweet southern gentleman will always be there to help you when you need it or don't ;)

.lots of little nicknames for you, such as Darling, Darlin', sweet, honey, ma'am

.very helpful with school if you struggle with a subject, most likely comes from his smarts but he begs to differ due to his age

.def will get jealous if another boy tries to ask you out and you say yes, or if you spend time with his siblings (Sisters most than the others) over him

.enjoys reading to you or vise versa, he finds it romantic

.didn't like sharing his story with you until you begged him to and he finally gave in. ever since then you had been all over him and gave him a lot of love, reminding him he is not a monster

.lots of praise words from both sides, he never lets you feel scared or unloved

.if you even feel the slightest bit of hate towards anything he will immediately interfere but never temper with your emotions unless he really needs to

.he questions why your with him a lot, he is super self conscious but no one knows

.wants what's best for you even if that means he can't have you

.after you do turn he does everything in his power to be there for you, making sure you are ok and making sure you know either human or vampire you are loved

[aaronexplainsitall]

Sorry I meant to be more clear, is more that post doc and coming out as a dem that she’s still not speaking up much (it doesn’t bother me that much but I know some actual swifties that are mad about it especially over the last year) and I do get it because she does have such significant influence. But tbh I mostly prior to the last month thought Matt Healy was just creepy and try hard and thought it was weird that Tiktok found him after he’d been tumblr’s boyfriend in my teens (2013-17 ish) but I’d been hearing weird shit and now I’m just like I get the post long term breakup dating the grossest man you can but at the same time it would’ve been so nice to have a single girl era even if it was just for the public lol

I agree with this completely. I think that she set herself up for failure with Miss Americana a bit to be honest, because she over promised and under delivered. She wasn't going to be able to live up to the standards she agreed to, so I'm not sure why she went out of her way to set them? People were okay with her being relatively apolitical, but by shaking that off (no pun intended) she set an expectation that no one had previously, but that she's proven she isn't able/doesn't want to meet.

Yeah, the Matty Healy renaissance was weird to me too, because to my mind, he was in the same part of Tumblr as like, Superwholock. It was just strange to watch such an uncharismatic man being thirsted over again?

Like I said, I don't get invested in her personal life, but if I was one of Taylor's friends, I'd be begging her to stay single for a while right now and work on herself before bringing anyone else back into the mix.

[razorb0x]

I really like your hoffheight playlist, can you do like an explanation for the songs you chose, I’m just starving for content of this ship and to hear your reasoning!!

!!! I'd be happy to!! I'm also starved for content, so i'm happy getting any excuse to post about it. The playlist itself is still a work in progress (as most of my playlists are, i'm always looking for new stuff to add) so this will cover whats on it currently. hopefully this doesn't get too long. :3c I also wanna add: i'm gonna add some notes on the POVs for some songs if applicable. Okay, onto the actual thing!!! (also also i might skip over a few if i don't have anything to mention with them, or they serve the same sort of idea as another song.)

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You. (hoffmans pov, but could be both tbh) basically, these 2 had a rocky start. i just can't picture them both being on good terms with each other once they first meet. mostly because hoffman is the way he is, and also the whole apprentice thing that adam would still be getting used to, with himself and the other apprentices; so his relationship with basically everyone is tipsy by this point. that is, until things would start calming down a lot more, and adam would start opening up. i think adam would turn from disliking hoffman, to just teasing and poking fun at him, because he thinks it's funny to annoy him. hoffman wouldn't love the new development, but it would be an improvement to their past relationship. everything would be pretty normal for awhile, until hoffman starts developing some new feelings (song pretty much comes in a lot more here) he's probably pretty annoyed like why am i catching feelings for this asshole. Adam starts taking a similar turn when he picks up on the new way hoffman starts responding to his teasing. things start to escalate from there.

Alex G - Adam. (hoffmans pov) i couldn't not, okay? similar thing to song #1. yknow that saying "he's being mean because he likes you"? yeah, thats hoffman. he will not accept what this ratty twink is doing to him. it's like subtle fight back on hoffmans side, like reversing what adam would do to him, but less "subtly poking fun" and more "gently bulling adam because hoffman doesn't know how to communicate properly."

Destroy Boys - I Threw Glass At My Friend’s Eyes And Now I’m On Probation. (adams pov) tbh reading the lyrics for this thing would be enough of an explanation, but of course i'm giving one anyway. adam has feelings but is actually normal about them, so when his teasing turns somewhat flirtatious, he doesn't know how to feel when hoffman seems to reciprocate in some form, but also pushes back on it at the same time... and hard. adam... kinda likes it and feels weird about it??? maybe getting pushed around by a man that could break you in half is kinda nice. so many lyrics i could point out here that make me think of adam SO HARD, i swear.i but will have self restraint.

She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart. (both povs) 2 words, sexual tension. things are really starting to boil over. things are getting really intense between them one day and suddenly oh shit something happens and they've just had a one night stand. it is intense and messy and just full of repressed emotion. day after they're both complete wrecks and too nervous to talk about it and they're so flustered and uhfhgdggfg. they both sorta hoped maybe this would "fix" the situation, and instead it gets worse.

Dazey and the Scouts - Groan. (adams pov) adam eventually comes around and my god he is full of thirst. adam is getting clingy, and hoffman's not far behind. there's no point in hiding it anymore, they both know what they want and they're clinging to each other behind closed doors; and not even in a strictly risque way, they're generally spending more time around each other; they're still fumbling with communication, but they at least know the feeling is mutual, now.

Type O Negative - Love You to Death (both povs) not much to say. they're just so down bad for each other mannnnn.

Queens of the Stone Age - Sick, Sick, Sick. (both povs) + Ludo - Love Me Dead (adams pov) + Veruca Salt - Spiderman '79. i feel like these fit into adam accepting their relationship more, and admitting to himself that's he's no saint either. accepting his new life and reveling in the impurity between them both.

Queenandreena - I Adore You. (adams pov) things have started to calm down, and adams surprisingly comfortable around hoffman???? like, he used to feel at least slightly threatened by him just… being around him, but now he has sort of an oura of safety. we get hoffmans side of this in the next few songs.

Cigarettes After Sex - Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby + Landon Tewers - Sick Obsession. (hoffmans pov) hehehe (over)protective hoffman!! you can't tell me this man wouldn't be overprotective of that fragile little twink. istg adam sets off the "small defenseless creature that i must protect" signals off in hoffmans head, and adam getting into the occasional scuffle while doing apprentice work would not help (Sick Obsession fits that idea, i feel). also, knowing hoffmans history loosing loved ones, he does NOT want to go through another heartbreak like the one he went through after losing his sister. this man has abandonment issues and can not cope with them. GAH this took so long to write, but i'm really happy i got to. really fleshed them out, i think. thank you so much for the ask, anon! i had a great time getting to gush about these two. i hope this helped satisfy your hoffheight needs, like it did mine.

[withleeknow]

the stars aligned for you being a june bangtan baby!! . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ for me still with you reigns as his superior single ✨️ that specific jk/jin take two pre-chorus GOD the lyrics and harmonisations still give me butterflies 😭 (🥺💌 = https://we.tl/t-Mfc5dpyl4d)

[🍙's note-to-self: I'm so ready to indulge in your bangtan works] + no pressure at all with your semi-hiatus; when inspiration comes it'll come gracefully in time ♡ also the way you've updated me on your skz-WIPs like your own teaser schedule ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

lmao how stacked is this multistan sandwich getting, no way you're also an aespa girlie 👀 ok svt lowkey give me a headache IN A GOOD WAY! ONLY BC! there's so many of them to be entertained by their chaos 😭 I'm mostly a dk (&dino) girl - that iconic heeseung effect lowkey happened with these two 😫 https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeVP98fn/ I found this during my hs-rabbithole and I genuinely haven't been the same since

+ today's hyperfixation: cue “go little rockstar” https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeVP7DxY/ he's radiating black cat energy (tmi: I'm the black cat in the golden retriever dynamic with my bsf which might explain why im extra fuzzy towards this man) 🖤

ONIGIRI HAVE YOU SEEN THIS AAAAAAA "per request from the artist" HE'S NOT EVEN HOME YET AND HE'S ALREADY MAKING ME CRY 😭 oh the envy that i have for the people who get to attend... how does it feel to be the first fans to see and HUG kim seokjin after he's been away for 18 months 😭

god i really do love still with you so much. jungoo absolutely kills it with his artistry and i hope we'll get to see him be more hands-on with his music when he gets back

ahh i actually only started listening to aespa very recently. up until a few months ago i thought they were 3rd gen idols lmao for some reason i always thought they debuted not long after red velvet 😭

i love dk !!!!!! wonwoo is probably at the top of my thirst list but dk is the most precious and endearing and funny 😭 i have never seen them in the same frame before akldakjfdsa that is certainly.......... something 😳 you're really influencing my heeseung brainrot here. i've been watching fatal trouble vids since you mentioned it the other day and i just- *eyes bulge out of head*

god he really is just so sharp from every angle.. biting my fist and whatnot.. i never thought i'd be into enha like that but here we are 😭 omg me too my friends tell me i'm a black cat !! you really are my other 🐈‍⬛ half 🥹

i had to save the best for last bc WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

i adore you to the moon and back, i truly think you're one of the best things that's ever happened to this blog and i'm so happy you stumbled across my little space here 😭 coming back to kpop after a decade really is an experience that not many can relate to but i'm really glad that i get to share that with you :((( tbh once upon a time i also couldn't see myself being a kpop stan past a certain age (twt stans think everyone over 20 is on the precipice of turning into dust lmao), but now being a kpop stan as an adult is so much more fun and fulfilling! getting into bangtan 2 years ago let me reconnect with my creativity and it's really helped me a lot, not just in terms of it being a comforting lil hobby but it made me realize what i wanna do for my career yk (i wanna be a graphic designer or at least work in media lol). and getting to buy merch with adult money! and meeting wonderful pocket friends that can turn into real life friendships! maybe i was meant to be obsessed with kim taehyung 2 years ago and that made me return to kpop bc otherwise i would be missing out on all of these joys 😭 this got so rambly lmao i'm sorry tldr i love you 🥹