#and than has development with this. he is aware of this flaw in himself by the end of shb

[lem-argentum]

than/rudy/raha is an interesting concept to me becauseee. th.ancred deals a lot with words unspoken. his most meaningful relationships are hurt because he focuses on action to the point of miscommunication. and meanwhile, aside from what he keeps hidden very intentionally, raha says a lot more in terms of affection. because (from his perspective) his time is almost up, and he wants to leave those relationships with the other knowing how he feels without any doubt. y’know………

[trash-and-trash-accessories]

Fox Mulder doesn't have the "I Want To Believe" poster there because he's crazy. He doesn't have it there to broadcast his beliefs or as a mantra or to remind him to always look for aliens.

Fox Mulder keeps that "I Want To Believe" sign above his desk to remind him of his own internal biases.

That sign hangs above Mulder's desk to remind him of his own shortcomings and flaws. He's aware that he's a hack with dangerous beliefs and prone to flights of fancy and maybe even delusions. He's aware that he's desperately searching for aliens and monsters where there are only men doing bad things. And he has to remind himself of that, constantly.

That's why he's thrilled when he meets Scully and she challenges his beliefs, says that logically aliens don't exist. He's thrilled when she tells him to cut the crap in the pilot episode. He needs someone to challenge him. He needs someone who won't take his shit and put up with his flights of fancy. And he knows it. He's been dealing with himself for years and he feels relief and joy when Scully comes in and says enough of your bullshit. We're doing this my way. With science and logic. He isn't smiling and teasing her because he thinks he's smarter and better than her. He's smiling because she's exactly the person he needs in his life.

That's why he tells her right away that he's a UFO freak with trauma about his sister and a true believer. Not because he's trying to convince her to believe, but because he needs her to understand where he's coming from and what's wrong with him. So she can understand that either he's a dangerous lunatic himself, or he's delving into a dangerous conspiracy and either way she could be collateral damage if she stays with him. He spends the pilot episode reckoning with the idea that either he's a maniac or he's pulling this young fresh detective into danger. When she starts agreeing with him he gets upset, talks her out of it.

Mulder keeps that sign above his desk to remind himself to look into the "reasonable logical" explanations. He keeps that sign on his desk because he knows he's flawed and biased and frankly, dangerous.

He tells Scully exactly what he thinks is happening and about all the crazy stuff he believes not because he's trying to convince her to believe too, but so she can be his sounding board. So she can throw his illogical bullshit back in his face and remind him to look past his own biases and paranoia and quasi-religious zealotry. Because he knows he needs that. He knows he's in a conspiracy brained echo chamber of his own making and having a slow-burn mental breakdown. And he sees Scully as salvation from himself. As another figure in his quasi-religious belief system. The savior.

As the series develops he relies on her more and more to reality check him. Literally reality check him and manage what he worries might all be a delusion.

Mulder pretends he's confident and all the constant criticism and sidelong glances don't get to him and that might be true because he doesn't respect those people but he respects Scully. And he needs someone he respects to tell him when he's wrong, when he's being biased or actively delusional. Scully is his salvation. She's compassionate about his trauma and the reasoning behind his beliefs, but confident and logical enough to tell him when it's all bullshit. She's his savior, his rock, and often his only real connection to material reality.

[entrop-y]

the real tragedy of spencer reid: a character analysis

the real tragedy of spencer reid isn’t any of the individual traumas that he suffered on the job, it’s that he became jason gideon.

think about it; the show begins with gideon returning to the bau after he’d been on leave due to his ptsd. ptsd caused by a mistake he made resulting in the death of 6 agents in a bombing.

throughout season 1, we see that spencer idolizes gideon. the way in which he idolizes him, however, is complicated. on one hand, spencer sees gideon the same way he sees rossi—pure hero worship. on the other hand, he sees gideon as a more than a mentor, as a father figure. this is less overt than people make it out to be in canon, but it’s true nonetheless.

in the first season, we see gideon mentor reid, with the goal of shaping him into the future of the bau, the best profiler they’d ever had. we also see the similarities between reid and gideon, though subtly, at this point. it’s established that gideon and reid understand each other (perhaps in part as a result of both of them being on the spectrum), in a way that the other members of the team, do not.

in season 2, however, we see gideon start to grapple with the implications and consequences of reid’s job at the bau. this is most clear when reid is kidnapped. at this point in reid’s career, gideon was supposed to protect reid; so naturally, he blames himself for his kidnapping. in “revelations”, when the camera cuts from reid seizing to gideon panicking in the bathroom, he is desperately trying to justify his actions to himself. he blames himself for what happened to reid, and it’s killing him. reid survives, but hardly unscathed, and gideon distances himself, likely, as a result of his own unaddressed guilt. people in fandom criticize gideon for this, but it is realistic. gideon is flawed, that’s what makes him compelling.

the most telling scene, however, is in the episode “jones”. reid finally confesses to gideon that he’s struggling. gideon responds with an ambiguous monologue about knowing the time to quit. when reid declares he’ll never miss another plane again, the look gideon gives him is not one of pride, it’s one of despair. it’s his realization that reid is too far gone, he has decieed to follow in gideons footsteps in the way of giving everything to the job, regardless of what it takes from him.

sarah’s murder was the reason gideon ultimately decided to leave the bau, however, his guilt over spencer’s torture and subsequent addiction undeniably played a role.

the show goes on, gideon leaves and ultimately dies, but both events eventually blend into the background—just another one of reid’s endless traumas. it is not until season 11, especially following morgan’s departure, is when we really start to see a palpable, negative change in reid.

until this point, reid’s character development seems mostly positive. he’s more confident and sure of himself both in the field and as a profiler, and as a person. but with the introduction of diana’s alzheimer’s, we start to see reid become overall sadder, more anxious, and more reserved. gone is his need to prove himself, but we see the beginnings of the toll that the bau has taken, one he is beginning to struggle to justify.

notably, this is especially clear pre prison season 12. emily and jj particularly seem acutely aware of the fact that reid is running himself into the ground at home, while desperately trying to keep everything together at work. then, once reid goes to prison, he never truly recovers.

while the show abandons any meaningful follow up about reid’s ptsd, it’s undeniable that after prison, reid is never the same. unlike some viewers interpretations of this version of reid as being more attractive and confident (more likely stemming from seeing reid as more “masculine”after gaining some weight and keep his facial hair), the signs really point to reid after prison being utterly depressed.

he has anger issues, which clearly distress him, and his heart to heart moments with the team are laced with an underlying desperation, exhaustion, and sadness. in short: reid is drained. the job has taken everything from him in a way he no longer knows how to get back.

the final episode, the show comes full circle, highlighting the parallels between reid and gideon. reid makes a bad call that results in the death of six agents, just as gideon had 15 years prior. if it weren’t obvious enough, reid visits gideons grave in his tbi induced dream sequence. in “jones”, gideon was terrified and guilt ridden over the prospect of spencer turning into him, but it is exactly what happened.

just as gideon had, reid gave everything to the job, and the job took everything from him. reid ended up a traumatized, depressed, workaholic with no real relationships—barring only his mother—outside of his job. like gideon, like rossi, even, reid was never satisfied, never felt like he had done enough, and all it got him was a lifetime of trauma and crushing solitude. by the end, the bau was virtually unrecognizable to what it had been at the beginning of his career. reid could never leave, despite the pain, the trauma, and the loneliness, his identity as a person and an agent were inextricable. by becoming jason gideon, reid lived up to what had once been his greatest hope, and gideons greatest fear.

[autisticlancemcclain]

Jackie supports the lion swap? How dare you!

Okay SO. This is not the first time I’ve gotten an ask or a comment like this, and I’m fully aware it’s a joke (or at least I think), but I also know that it is kind of a controversial topic on here! And I’ve already written an essay in the topic, but I have some more thoughts I’d like to dive into.

I used to be team Blue Paladin Lance, and hardcore on that team, too. If you look at some of my old fics, you’ll see that. However since I am a contrary person by nature, I started to notice that Red Paladin Lance was way less liked, and so I started to like it more. I really grew fond of the dynamic Keith and Lance got to have as co-leaders, both because it was homoerotic as hell and because the symbolism was fun to explore, but klance is not the main reason I started to care so deeply for the lion change — it was actually Shiro and Allura.

I’m going to start with Shiro, because he’s one of the most fascinating characters in VLD, if not underdeveloped. Part of that fascination for me is that he probably has the most arcs and opportunities for character growth and development in the show, and yet somehow he’s the flattest. He’s portrayed as very one-dimensional in a lot of fic — he tends to be less of a character and more of a role. He’s the Space Dad, or the older brother, or the cool teacher, or the kind and wise friend, or even the stoic Black Paladin. He is loved, I think, but the role he plays is loved, not quite the person he is. And that makes sense, because that is exactly how he’s portrayed in canon.

To Keith, Shiro is “like a brother to [him]”, but what do we see of that dynamic? The show has a clear sense of how a brother acts, that’s a good chunk of Pidge’s character. We barely even know Matt, but Pidge carries herself in such a way that it’s clear when her brother shines through her. And yet even though Shiro also goes missing, twice even, Shiro does not shine through his brother. Keith’s impulses are his own, developed from general abandonment issues rather than Shiro’s specific absence. Shiro’s absence becomes less of Shiro’s absence and more of an absence of a beloved leader figure, kind of a martyr, a “Shiro would have wanted you to carry on”. It is really hard for us as a fandom to use Shiro’s disappearance as anything but a plot device, because that’s all it felt like! We have occasional moments with Shiro, enough to care about him in some way, but as a figure, not as a person. Someone pointed it out on one of my fics and I agree wholeheartedly — Shiro is not shown with any flaws, and that makes it really hard to love him, because you don’t really get the pleasure of defending him, of seeing his motivations, his reasons. Not until the very end, at least.

This is, in all honesty, likely just poor writing. Shiro’s character was honestly just sidelined to a role, because he is really not that present in the show. But I am going to work with the benefit of the doubt, and see if I can use the lion change to explain why we all kind of love Shiro anyway, despite the fact that he’s flat as hell.

Shiro isn’t the Black Paladin. He never was. He flew the Black Lion, yes, and he flew her well — but he was never her Chosen. He couldn’t have been. From the very beginning, the Black Lion was in mourning; she was in no space to choose a new paladin. She accepted Shiro, and she loved him, but he did not fall into her as much as he fell into the role she provided for him. He piloted the Black Lion, but he was not her Paladin. This is made obvious in two ways: in that he never got her bayard, and that from the very beginning, he set up a replacement for himself.

Doesn’t that strike anyone else as odd? I haven’t seen the show in five years, and I don’t plan on rewatching, but I do remember that every moment with Shiro almost had this underlying tension. The closest thing I have to canon off the top of my head is the Handbook (which I had to stop reading because they did everyone SO dirty there, even though some of it was honestly pretty funny), which was released in S2, and even that incredibly early canon talked about Keith replacing Shiro!

From the very beginning, Shiro was planning an out to his role. He knew it was not meant for him. He did the role well, but it was not his to do.

Aside from those two reasons, Shiro also…can’t be the Black Paladin. He can’t be that and himself, I mean. This part is a little more complicated, so I’m going to borrow some of my own tags from some awesome fanart I saw:

I really do think Shiro is defined by his humanity (as is heavily implied by his illness — this is a character who is completely and totally bound to his mortality. Of all the other characters, he is the one most familiar with death, so he is the one who is most intimate with the raw fear of being human. But more on that later), but it’s my last comment that I want to focus on — “he is DEFINED by his his humanity…even as his greatest asset is the part of him that is not human”.

Every second that Shiro is leader of Voltron, he is the Champion. That can literally be his only goal — he is the head of the fight against Zarkon and the Empire. Either Shiro comes out the Champion, or Zarkon does. Either Shiro has to grit his teeth and fight off the flashbacks and the fear and the pain and use the one thing that forces him to reconcile with the fact that he had his entire personhood stripped away (his arm, his Galra arm, one of their biggest advantages as a team; his connection to Zarkon through Black, something that can only help the war effort at a direct cost to him; everything he does in this war is shoving him right back into that Arena again and again and again), or Zarkon wins. Every second Shiro pilots Black, every time he plays her paladin, he has to be who the Empire made him to be. He has to be the Champion. Once again he is not Takashi Shirogane, the person, the astronaut, the man, he is the Role. He is the Space Dad he is the Pilot of the Black Lion he is the Champion. For every second he is in that lion he is stripping away himself.

Obviously, that is something that was never sustainable. On this argument alone, Shiro was going to waste away eventually. There was always going to be a point where Shiro was not going to be able to be the Champion anymore. There was always, from the very way the dynamic was set up, going to have to be a lion switch. Now, interestingly enough, there could have been a really easy fix to this: Black Paladin Allura. She’s already a born and raised leader, already shown her immense competence, already someone the rest of the paladins follow. With her at the helm, nothing else would have to change, right?

Well, maybe. We’ll never know. One part of that is absolutely true — Allura should have been a paladin from the very beginning. Her quintessence is canonically closest to the entirety of Voltron (something that bears its own essay,; the relationship between all six of the paladins and Voltron is wrought with heavy symbolism), she is the most highly trained, she is smart, and she actually wants to be out on the field. She should have been in that armour from day one.

But Allura cannot be the Black Paladin. Allura cannot handle other’s sacrifice.

Of course this is a complicated subject. Should a leader sit back and let her crew sacrifice themselves instead of her? Must she hold herself in higher regard, convince herself she’s more important? Of course not! Teams, especially Voltron, are built with assets. While not everyone might be ‘equal’ in the traditional sense, they are all integral, and expecting sacrifices is not the stance I am trying to take here. But the point of a team, especially a team so small and vital as Voltron, is that everyone is willing to be the sacrifice, as they have to be, and Allura simply can’t handle that. She shows us this from the beginning, when she disguises herself as Galra and is taken in place of anyone on the team she barely knows, and again in Oriande with the White Lion, and finally in the piece of shit canon ending. Allura has to be the sacrifice. Every time.

And how could she not be? The last time she spared herself of sacrifice, she lost her entire people. The last time she let others sacrifice themselves for her, she was left alone, to shoulder a war bigger and greater than she could ever handle. Allura is painfully familiar with the agony of being the survivor, and she cannot do that again. She cannot and will not put herself through that again. As the Black Paladin, she would have to let her team make sacrifices — she would have to let them have their own agency, their own decisions; she would have to let them choose to get hurt and choose to do risky things and analyse and react and act. As leader she would have to trust her team to put themselves in harm’s way, and not only that, but she would have to authorize them to do so.

Like Shiro cannot last as the Champion, Allura cannot last as the Survivor. Shiro cannot even last in Voltron, and it is foolish to keep Allura out of it. A lion change is absolutely necessary for the show to move forward, for the war to move forward. The initial team was doomed to fail.

How would it change, then? What would fit? I know I’ve said my piece. I know who I think would fit where. But since I’ve been comparing character arcs to their roles as paladins, I’d like to keep doing that — what about Keith makes me so sure that he’s the true Black Paladin?

I’ll show you with process of elimination. I know Black Paladin Lance is a favourite, and I can see why. Lance has many leadership qualities, is a good tactician, and cares deeply. However, aside from his desire for power making him less suitable for the role, Lance functions best as support, despite how much he hates it. He is the one who knows how to pick up the pieces of a broken situation. He is an excellent guide, which makes him an unbelievably valuable second. He is adaptable, so he can fill in for many different roles. He can step in for leader when necessary, but putting him in Black would encourage a more active role for him; would force him to anticipate and plan for specific outcomes rather than his strength as one who analyses any outcome as it arises and works within it then. Lance could be the Black Paladin, yes, but taking him from the body and placing him in the head would be a fool’s choice. It would be crippling to Voltron, to put the jack of all trades as a master of one. Lance’s arc is all about learning to love and trust himself as he is, as the seventh wheel. Not to put him in charge of the vehicle.

Well, what about Hunk? Hunk is incredibly intelligent and analytical. He probably could lead Voltron, and did in several occasions. But Hunk’s arc is interesting because it was handled so early in the show. Unlike the rest of the team, Hunk’s arcs were solved largely in the first season. His biggest flaws were his distrust of people and, literally, his inability to fly. He could not take his feet off the ground. He was so untrusting that he could not manage to take a step forward. However his bonding with Yellow and trust with the team and their subsequent and returned trust resolved these issues, more or less, which is probably why Hunk was treated more and more like a side character the longer VLD went on. Hunk didn’t need the role of Black Paladin because he had settled into the Yellow Paladin in a way that was sustainable.

Pidge is in a similar boat. Her arc, primarily, has been about finding her family. Voltron was almost second priority for her, or at least not her only first priority. And understandably so! As the youngest she was afforded with that lenience. Her growth was about growing into her own pain, about becoming her own person alongside what she had become in the absence of her brother. As the Black Paladin, she would no longer have the space to prioritize her search for her family alongside Voltron, so her position as Black Paladin would be unstable. She is best suited in Green, where she can focus on several things at once.

That really only leaves Keith. In many ways it comes full circle — the Black Lion healing from her grief by choosing the man who ran from his Galran heritage and his power as a leader, rather than the man who chose nationalism and power over anything else. Keith is Zarkon’s direct opposite, and as such is the other side of the same coin, the one who is truly Black’s Chosen. We know this because Keith is the one who wields the Black Bayard, and Keith is, from the very beginning, the one the rest of the team chooses to follow — I ask you whether it was for Shiro that the three other humans ran off to chase in the desert, or Keith? Who was it that Lance could not leave alone? Who was it that piqued Hunk’s curiousity? Who was it that challenged Pidge to choose Voltron, rather than the search for her family?

That covers Black Paladin Keith. But what about Red Paladin Lance? I’ve established already why he cannot be the Black Paladin, but why did he have to move from Blue? For that, I bring you another few slices from early, S2 and previous canon:

“I thought what we had was special!” “Seventh wheel, if you count the Alteans.” More than once, Lance laments over being forgotten. He struggles with feeling like anything but the extra, the unnecessary. Whether or not Blue Chose him is irrelevant — he does not feel Chosen by her. The Pilot of the Blue Lion position for Lance is as unsustainable as the Pilot of the Black Lion position for Shiro — Lance does not trust it. He doesn’t trust himself in the role, and doesn’t trust Blue in having chosen it for him. Obviously, this is not the role for him.

But Red? Keith’s Red Paladin, at least? Yes, he struggles with feeling like Keith’s second, but that is literally his arc. Lance’s development is about becoming his own person despite his own misgivings about being second-best. His role as the Red Paladin is the fulfilling of his arc, and is thus the best Lion for him, the Chosen. And Red did Choose him, mind you. There was an adjustment period, of course there was, but Red did more than let Lance pilot her. She opened up new possibilities for Lance — think the broadsword — that he could not see. Red saw his potential and revelled in it. She Chose him.

Lastly — and this turned out to be less relevant to the essay than I expected, but I do want to go over it a tad — is Shiro’s tie to humanity. I mentioned two important points: Shiro’s connection to mortality makes him the most intimate with his humanity out of all the characters, and he is undoubtedly the flattest character of them all. That is, if you don’t consider his clone to be part of his character.

But I’m begging you to reconsider. Reconsider, perhaps, who the clone is — Haggar had pure access to Shiro for a year, you remember. His thoughts, his dreams, his mannerisms, his priorities, his body. Even him at his most human, his most deranged, his most scared. She had Shiro then. She had Shiro when he had nothing to look forward to. She had Shiro when he hurt his crew to make sure they would live, at direct cost to himself.

She stripped him of his humanity — his connection to his own mortality. She took his illness from him. And who, then, did she return to the team? Who was clone? Shiro, mostly. The clone was happy to play with the team. The clone was clever. The clone believed, fully, that he was Shiro, only he was angrier and meaner, a little, and less capable of shoving down his own pain. Shiro, stripped of his tie to humanity and mortality, stripped of his compulsive need to be strained and stressed and the one everyone else can rely on, the Role rather than the Person, is emotional. He has flaws and outbursts. He can’t manage his own pain. He is is cruelest to the one person on the team — Lance — who canonically reminds him closest of himself.

Shiro, in the purest form that Haggar can make him, is flawed and self-hating. That is where our love for him comes. Not the man who pushes himself down at the same time as he sacrifices his personality to be someone for others, but the man who is struggling and can’t keep it locked down. That’s where it comes from.

Anyways. Like with my other essay, I’ll admit that this analysis is probably reading into this. The writing of VLD was flawed, at best, but regardless, I think the lion change is a rich amalgamation of the characters and who they really are.

[z-mizcellaneous-z]

*claps hands*

Okay!!

We are all aware here that characters can have multiple parallels with other characters. And that said parallels can be more overt/subtle than others and that their connections can be inconsistent or contradicting or reflecting. Right?

Good.

So.

AFO and Yoichi and BkDk.

There is no parallel between AFO and Kacchan's actions, only parallels in how Yoichi and Izuku percieved them.

Yoichi and Izuku parallel each other with their actions here because they both see the good in the world. Yoichi felt that he saw good in his brother, and Izuku felt that he saw good in Kacchan, despite any flaws.

Now.

AFO and Kacchan are NOT parallels in their actions.

Kacchan wasn't a bad person. He never was. He was simply viewing the world and himself in a certain way because of societal expectations and the environment he was surrounded with. These fed into his inferiority and superiority complexes. That was SOCIETY impacting a person. And since society did that to Kacchan, once he recognized that, he was able to overcome it and change and grow as a person.

Kacchan realized that society is broken and so he had to fix himself. He put effort into changing his view on the world and himself and that change is very clear in his development throughout the manga.

AFO on the other hand, wasn't changed by society. AFO has always seen that society is broken and only he can fix it. He was born thinking the world belonged to him--that the world was smaller, lesser than him. Anyone who didn't give him exactly what he wanted was considered a nuisance. The only reason he kept Yoichi around was because he saw him as his "thing". Like a little kid with their toy--they don't care about it much, but the second someone suggests throwing it away, or someone else tries to play with it, suddenly it's the kid's favorite toy now.

Kacchan's mentality as a child was "society is awesome and im even more awesome". But then as he grew up, he recognized that society was fucked and that it fucked with his perception and changed. His perception going against what society taught him.

AFO never saw that society shaped him. He just thinks that society is stupid and broken and only he can fix it because this world is his, and he's the overlord.

Yoichi and Izuku's characters parallel in actions and mentality towards AFO/Kacchan.

AFO and Kacchan's characters parallel in their relationship with Yoichi/Izuku.

Kudou and Kacchan's characters, meanwhile, parallel in actions and mentality towards Yoichi/Izuku. The symbolism of hands, reaching out, taking the hand, etc etc.

And yeah lol that's all I got.

--

Discussion/debate is always welcome, but ONLY IF KEPT RESPECTFUL. If there's rudeness in these comments/tags I *will* disable them.

There's a lot of varying opinions on this chapter, and that's okay. We can agree to disagree. We can discuss our viewpoints and the faults we may see in other viewpoints. But do not insult the people with that viewpoint. The viewpoint is for fiction; the people with the viewpoint are human.

[dross-the-fish]

How would you describe Adam’s and Hyde’s relationship?

A little rocky. Kind of complicated. Not all together great. Hyde is a hard character to get along with in general unless you approach him just right and he really resents that Adam is so obviously full of rage and daddy issues but refuses to act out, not because Adam thinks acting out is wrong, initially, but because he's aware he's got a second chance and he is determined not to waste it. Hyde is often tempted to provoke violent reactions out of Adam just because he can't stand seeing Adam succeed where he, sometimes willfully, fails. This is one of Edward's major character flaws, he's a functional addict, he's violent, he's a sex pest and he can even be cruel to people he LIKES but some part of him feels bad enough about it that he resents seeing other people who have similar urges doing better than him, being more well liked than him, succeeding where he continues to fail simply because they don't give in to their own impulses.

He knows Adam's history, he knows Adam has it in him to be every bit the monster people expect and when Adam manages to rise above it it makes Edward feel that much more loathsome. This is made even worse because Adam is the one who's usually sent to fetch Hyde from whatever bender he's gone on and drag him back to the crew and sober him up for work. A thing Hyde consistently tells him is "you're not better than me, you know!" And Adam does have a lot of work to do on himself, he's not been properly socialized. He struggles with managing his intense rage and has obsessive tendencies. It's a real fight for him to not to lash out at people who stare at him or act aggressive. There are times when the only thing holding him back is a desire not to disappoint the few friends he has because he doesn't think he can survive being alone again. He is terrified of abandonment and Edward is aware that Adam's "goodness" is often a desire to evade consequences, not the product of inherent benevolence. Adam knows this too and grapples with the guilt of not being as "good" as the people around him because compared to them he's emotionally stunted. He does grow as the story progresses because he puts in the work required to build empathy, in a way he fakes it until he makes it. That's work Edward doesn't WANT to do for himself. He wants to do what feels good in the moment and he frequently gives in to his impulses. Unlike Adam Edward has the advantage of being needed, the crew cannot do with out him and Edward, in the beginning, rubs their noses in it every chance he gets.

Edward is something of a corrupting influence, he likes to drag people down with him and he has tried to get Adam to "fall of the wagon" at the start of their relationship. it's not until he starts to actually develop a bond with people that he's able to be influenced himself and begin to do better. Edward's growth is slow and painful and he backslides a lot before he reaches the end of his character arc but once he and Adam have both grown a little as people they begin to get alone and even if they don't outright like each other they find a mutual respect.

[kierreras]

so, i think that there is one major flaw that made this season less enjoyable than others (except big john cause we all agree that his whole storyline is a disaster). the lack of pogues interactions was so noticeable. i absolutely adore each and every couple and i’m really glad that the writers gave them time to bond and develop romantic connections, but this show is first and foremost about friendship. we have pogues separated for the most part of the season. the first time we have john b/jj interaction past poguelandia is episode six. six!!! they are supposed to be best friends, but john b is preoccupied with his father’s gold obsession for the most part to even acknowledge that his best friend could be homeless. the same goes for his girlfriend. he didn’t show any interest in where sarah is staying, whether she has food, etc.  how many times the pogues were at the chateau this season? i can count two - when they reunited with big john in episode six and after john b was released from the police department in episode eight. i always considered twinkie and chateau as characters, honestly. however, this season the only pogue beside jb that was in twinkie is jj. it feels like the whole group dynamic was somehow sidelined. and i don’t think that it has something to do with couples getting some focus, because we also kind of had relationships storylines which were mixed with group dynamics without any problems in previous seasons. this season we havr a huge treasure hunt which kind of ruins the whole vibe. those local gold/cross treasure hunts were cringey in some ways, but they have one element that el dorado doesn’t have - we have a connection with them throughout one of the pogues. el dorado is big john’s focus, so it explains why we as viewers don’t feel some sort of investment into that storyline. i think that the lack of friendship moments is also to be blamed on limited screentime (the huge amount of which was wasted on el dorado). we literally had some scenes cut - like sarah talking to pope and cleo about rafe coming back (there was a bts of cline, jd and laci in their episode four outfits outside of heywards). also, in episode seven we could have had sarah and kie talk heart to heart, but that time sarah somehow decided to ignore kiara’s worry for jj. it was such a good moment for girls to bond through boys troubles, but i guess adding another singh “you know” line was more important. also, i really think that we were robbed on pogues interactions in general. like are pope and john b even aware that jj is basically homeless? if pope knows, why didn’t he invite jj to heywards as well? i’m sure jj doesn’t need the whole room to himself, but a simple place to sleep and eat would be nice. 

moving to sarah and jj. just imagine if jj was home when sarah came after being rejected by carreras? i would give everything to see them co-living for at least one episode! by the way, about carreras, kie simply lets sarah go after her parents acted like jerks and threw away a homeless sixteen years old girl. kind of unbelievable for me, but i understand that this whole thing happened so that sarah could accidentally meet topper. there was an opportunity to show the girls bond. was there at least one friendship moment with any of the girls with cleo? it’s such a waste. also, kie saw something between pope and cleo and she could have teased them about it. and do not even get me started on jiara interrupting cleope’s kiss and not saying anything. jj keeping his mouth shut? never heard of it. again, the whole group not having any reaction about kitty hawk? guys, your best friend was sent away and you are just acting like it’s not a big deal? by the way, i understand why many people like episode five. it has this chaotic vibe from earlier seasons. pogues (minus john b) are finally on the mission together and it is pure cinematography. we got their chaotic energy again, a bunch of friendly fights, comedic moments. and these things were exactly what attracted so many viewers in the first place. also, personally i was interested in this mission because pogues were there to get the cross, an artifact that really mattered to one of the characters. so once again viewers are emotionally invested in the mission. whereas there are no emotional investment in el dorado plot. i think in general friendship vibe was present in the first episode and somewhat in the end of episode eight. lack of pogues in the finale is very palpable and it sucks because we have so many wasted opportunities here. i will forever mourn that we didn’t have surfing scenes, hammock scenes, legendary obx parties like boneyard or kegger. still, let’s hope that in next season we will get back our pogues friendship moments. we were absolutely robbed this season, guys.

[the-badger-mole]

There's A Difference

I think I've said this before- in fact, I'm almost certain I've said this within the last few months- but the reason I can't let Aang's actions be dismissed by his age is because his worst traits are never addressed in canon. The reason why I personally find him very incel-ish is because the grown men who created him and project onto him strike me as incel-ish (and yes, I'm aware that at least one of them is/has been married. Incel is more of a frame of mind than an actual state of being). Aang could have had a growth arc, but instead Bryke chose to either ignore his flaws or make them out to be virtues. I'm judging Aang as a character, not a child. Because Aang is not an actual child. An actual child might have been confronted on the things Aang did. Aang is a character whose creators want fans to think is perfect, even when they themselves introduce the idea he might not be (Aang's being a terrible father is not that surprising to me, but even then Bryke had to scramble to tell us he wasn't actually that bad 🙄)

I am a lot less harsh with Zuko because he actually faced the consequences of his poor decisions. He worked to make amends not only for himself, but for his family. I empathize with his losses and his personal tragedies because the narrative actually cared about how those things affected him in just about every episode, unlike Aang, whose devastating losses are only touched on when they're convenient to that episode's plot. Otherwise, he is the picture of unbothered to the point that I question if he even knew most of the time that he was in a war (the answer, it would turn out in the penultimate episode, was no, apparently not). There's not much I can criticize Zuko on that wasn't already touched on within the show. Why would I judge Book 3 Zuko based on Book 1 Zuko (who btw, I still think was a much better rounded character than Aang in any of the series)?

When it comes to Katara and the misogyny inherent in how she was treated in her canon ship? Well, I can only point to canon and aks to be proven wrong. Katara had very little to do with the development of Kataang during the series, and that little was usually prompted by someone or something outside of her own thoughts and feelings bringing the idea up. Meanwhile, we know from the beginning that Aang likes Katara (well, he likes how she looks anyway). His feelings matter to the narrative: Katara's not so much. Then the disastrous comics where Katara's character from the show is completely stripped from her and she ends up being the cheerleader girlfriend of the Avatar. I know some of that is walked back in the more recent comics, but we already know how it ends for Katara and her kids. Also, the post LoK scramble to give Katara more agency honestly just makes me think that my original assessment of her relationship with Aang was spot on.

Zutara, in my opinion, would have been a great relationship for them both. They would've been just about perfect together, because as hot tempered as they can both be, they also both get really good at communicating with each other, which is something that Katara never really has with Aang. That's why it doesn't surprise me to find out how dysfunctional their family is. Katara and Zuko know how to work together as a team. In a relatively short time, they got comfortable opening up to each other. They are both passionate to the point that they can be really hot-headed, but they are both also extremely empathetic and compassionate. They are a couple that would've helped each other grow, and would have been so much more interesting than anything that happened with their actual canon relationships.

I get that there are people who would rather believe that Aang could outgrow his selfishness. That's totally valid, and has made for some great stories. However, I don't think saying the way he was written in canon has shades of incel is wrong. Especially by Book 3. I could see that guy growing up to be a viciously obnoxious narcissist. I bet those of us who know an "Aang" IRL can picture that, too.

[hamliet]

"Pet": Pretty Woman, But Gay

So I read the Captive Prince series way back in like, 2016, and read the first few short stories and never read the fourth one because I wasn't a fan of the character it would focus on. And then through a weird set of circumstances I found myself reading this short story this past week, and it might be one of my favorite short stories ever.

I'm posting under a cut because the series is very adult, and the short story and series itself contain triggering content.

Ancel is definitely a favorite character of all time now, which is impressive especially since I hated him. But that's kind of what CS Pacat does well--she writes unlikable characters who are indeed truly flawed and not just soft babies inside, and then makes you like them by showing their development without completely changing who they are as characters. It was the main strength of the original Captive Prince trilogy, after all--Laurent's development still remains one of my favorite character arcs of all time.

So really, I don't know why I was shocked at what she did with Ancel. Especially because the whole reason I hated Ancel was the same incident that made me dislike Laurent: a scene in which Laurent uses Ancel to sexually assaults Damen. And I still do think that particular scene is the biggest flaw in the series, because it's kind of glossed over in a lot of ways. Admittedly, that's still the biggest flaw of "Pet" as a story, too: that the story frames Ancel's low moral point as what he does to Erasmus, which is portrayed as an escalation of what he does to Damen, when I'd argue it's the opposite.

Yet, seeing things from Ancel's perspective--how desperate he is to matter, how he genuinely has only ever been used and so doesn't understand why other slaves wouldn't even try to perform and enjoy the meager scraps of joy they get in life--changed my perspective on him. Not on the incident, but on him.

Ancel's a brilliantly written unreliable narrator, too. As confident and vain as he seems, he's all too aware that he doesn't matter in the court. As much as he hates Damen and Erasmus for the former's refusal and the latter's inability to play the role, it's really self-hatred projected onto them. We see bits and pieces of this seeping through in his conversations with Berenger, such as him telling Berenger in a moment of delight:

"I'd even sleep with you. I might even enjoy it for once." He stopped. "High praise," Berenger said dryly.

Ancel doesn't enjoy a lot of his life. But he'd never admit it, because he lacks control over pretty much every aspect of his life and so seeks to keep control over his thoughts by lying to himself. And yet, paradoxically, he's still one of the few people at court who is usually honest with others.

All of this is why Berenger is such a great love interest for Ancel. Berenger prizes honesty, but also freedom. He buys Ancel but refuses to sleep with him because he knows Ancel doesn't really want to, no matter what sweet nothings Ancel whispers in his ear. He respects Ancel's autonomy in ways no one else ever has, and he sees him as a person first and foremost.

Normally stoic "good guys" aren't super interesting as love interests for me. I like angsty tortured souls, Byronic bastards. But Berenger works perfectly in the story, and is no less interesting as a character than Ancel. To be fair, part of this is because everyone in Vere is insane and debauched and there needs to be one normal one there, and that's Berenger. Yet there's intrigue, too: why Berenger bid so highly to buy Ancel in the first place is never directly stated, but what he does say is that Ancel:

You took on every councilor in that room and won.

It wasn't the physical performance, but Ancel himself, his psychological performance. It serves as a metaphor for the overarching plot of the Captive Prince series, wherein the lowly and those who have everything against them end up taking on far more powerful individuals and systems and winning.

Which makes the last line of the story all the more fitting:

But if he wins?

Ancel may not be a pure-hearted individual, but all along he's showing Berenger that it is possible for those who have less to win, and to be loved and give love. He gives Berenger hope for the future, for the coming coup. And as we all know, Laurent does win, and I can only presume Ancel and Berenger live happily ever after.

My second complaint about the series is that the ending is too abrupt even if the ending line is perfect because that's my complaint about the trilogy too.

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

god it just fucking fascinated me that c!tommy projects the exact opposite flaws to what he actually has as a defence mechanism. he acts overly cocky and arrogant, but he’s got no self esteem and hates himself. he acts selfish and overbearing, but he’s a self sacrificing people pleaser. he childishly insists he’s a big man, while deep down he's surprisingly mature in a lot of aspects and sees himself as so worthless he'll cling onto someone he is fully aware is torturing him if they'll be kind to him. he acts violent and aggressive, but he's most violent with himself, and shuts down into an extreme fawn instinct while pressed. the only thing the same is that they’re both reckless and impulsive.

and it works! because it’s so obvious his persona is covering up his insecurities! and more than that, the traits he pretends to have to protect himself and the traits he has when he lets the mask slip come from the same obvious roots. both the angry, cocky false tommy and the scared, self-loathing real tommy are the same cheerfully obnoxious, deliberately bratty, iron willed and deep down very kind person. and more than that- while you’d think the careless persona he presents is more flawed than the deeply self loathing one, it isn’t. c!tommy's difficulty finding an identity for himself and being so willing to die he doesn’t bother to live caused more harm to everyone on the server than the stuff he deliberately caused. it’s just easier to demonise him for one than acknowledge the suffering and need for help of the other, and therefore the underlying issue is never fixed.

and like! that’s how mentally ill and traumatised young people act! which c!tommy was even at the very beginning of the series he literally got his discs bc his self loathing was so bad he needed physical items to have something to convince him he was worth anything that’s canon! they build up walls of defences and lash out in a desperate attempt for reassurance because they’re too young to have realistically developed the tools to ask for help! behaviour like c!tommy's in adolescents is a cry for help, not cruelty, and i love how the series showed both the shell he built up to defend himself and the real reasons he desperately kept sending out that cry for help that everyone ignored.

[cynosra]

Some thoughts regarding chapter 419

I needed some time to stomach the revelations of chapter 419, but now that that’s done I think the story’s been building up to that moment for a very long time. It’s an extremely painful chapter to read, but, in my opinion, it had to happen. I’ll try to explain why I think so.

Tomura’s lack of/struggle with agency had always been a core theme of his character, perhaps even the central theme. However, I feel like this aspect of his character often got overlooked in favor of other aspects like his bond with the other members of the League of Villains, his development into a more competent and threatening villain, his issues with the shortcomings of BNHA’s society in general and heroes in particular, etc. Well and then, chapter 419 happened and brought this core theme to the forefront with a vengeance, pretty much overshadowing everything else. (It was really kind of a… challenging read.)

Personally, I think this chapter’s purpose is neither to make Tomura more redeemable nor to let Nana and Kotarou off the hook for the decisions they made. I doubt that people who were against Tomura’s redemption before chapter 419 dropped, are on board with it now. And I can’t really imagine Horikoshi expecting them to change their minds with this reveal. (He would have to be beyond naive to believe that.)

The decisions, Nana made, were entirely her own – chapter 419 changed nothing about that. And regarding Kotarou: Just because a cherished friend gives you parenting advice, you’re not obliged to follow it. Especially, since All For One didn’t even tell Kotarou to be strict with Tenko, he merely encouraged his strict ways. He encouraged what was already there. He used what was already there to his advantage. This chapter may bring Tomura’s agency into question, but it certainly doesn’t do so with Kotarou’s.

(Furthermore, I don’t see anything in the story that indicates All For One as the cause of all of society’s flaws. He merely knows how to use these flaws to his advantage. He threw quite some bombshells at Tomura and us in this chapter, but he never mentioned having anything to do with all those civilians ignoring little Tenko in his hour of need. If he were also behind that, why wasn’t he bragging about that as well? Now would be the perfect time.)

So, what is the purpose of this chapter, of All For One’s revelations? I think it’s to finally shatter Tomura’s illusion of agency. It’s to pull the rug out from under his feet and push him into the deepest depths of despair. At its core, Tomura’s story is a tragedy in its purest form (or at least it has been up to now) and chapter 419 marks the lowest point.

In chapter 379, Tomura is able to one-up All For One and regain control over his body for a while. He manages to do so by clinging to his origin as Tenko Shimura. At this point, he is already aware (at least to some degree) that All For One has groomed him since picking him up after the Shimura tragedy. He knew that “Tomura Shigaraki” was All For One’s creation. But at least he still has “Tenko Shimura”. “Tomura Shigaraki’s” decisions may belong to All For One, but “Tenko Shimura’s” decisions are his own. Or so he thought.

“Tenko Shimura” was his final weapon against All For One, the shield protecting him from getting completely overtaken by his abuser. And also the life ring he was clinging to to keep himself from sinking into despair. But now, All For One has destroyed that, too, and Tomura has nothing left to hold onto.

“Tenko Shimura” is All For One’s creation as well. “Tenko Shimura’s” decisions belong to All For One as well. All that is “Tenko Shimura/Tomura Shigaraki”, all that ever was, all that ever will be, belongs to All For One. “Tenko Shimura/Tomura Shigaraki” is not his own person. He is nothing more than a tragic figure in the story All For One is writing. Or so All For One wants him to think.

What I believe All For One has done in this chapter is to destroy Tomura’s illusion of “I have control over my life and the decisions I make” by setting up a new illusion for Tomura: “I have and never had any control over my life and my decisions whatsoever”. He pushed Tomura out of one extreme narrative straight into the next one. Both of which are at odds with the truth, however.

When dealing with All For One, we mustn’t forget that he is a liar and a manipulator, a groomer and an abuser. (In fact, he is so good, that he can even manipulate the fourth wall and make the BNHA fandom believe every little thing he says.) Naturally, he’ll always tell his victims what makes it easiest for him to manipulate them, be it lies, the truth, or a little bit of both.

Thus we should be careful to take his words at face value. He is definitely exaggerating when he claims that all of Tomura Shigaraki’s/Tenko Shimura’s decisions actually belong to him, his abuser. One example: Does anyone really think it was All For One’s decision that Tomura cares for the other members of the League? That he grew to genuinely trust Himiko, Twice, and even notorious anti-team-player #1 Dabi? Befriended Spinner? Fed Mr. Compress all the sushi he wanted? Decisions like these go completely against All For One’s modus operandi.

For me, the key to growing to appreciate this chapter and its revelations was to bring together all these extremes regarding Tomura’s struggle with agency, Tomura’s flawed perception of himself, other character’s flawed perceptions of Tomura, All For One’s exaggerated claims about Tomura and well… I guess to kinda conciliate them with each other. Tomura was groomed by All For One and thus has struggled with agency. He made many decisions All For One groomed him to make. But he also made decisions of his own.

Tomura is not a transcendent being. He is not a god. He is not destruction incarnated. He is not the angel of death. He is not an innocent little baby boy (not with a kill count like that). He is not a character in All For One’s story.

He is a victim but not just that. He is a villain but not just that. He is a hero to some but not just that.

In fact, I think the story (namely chapter 411, courtesy of Izuku Midoriya) already gave us the perfect term for what Tomura Shigaraki/Tenko Shimura truly is: a human being, nothing more, nothing less.

And I guess the key to giving this story a happy ending is to convince Tomura of that as well; that he is a human being whose first 21 years were shaped by All For One’s toxic influence, yes, but there is also a future for him without All For One. Where he can truly be free, make his own decisions, and grow into his own.

[ladyamaranta]

I'm surprised by how much I like Kirin. Not saying he is flawless, but I basically like every layer he has and even his flaws.

The character's development they did for him was fast, but I didn't like this trope subversion less because of this. When I say 'fast' I mean that I basically started ep.5 thinking about how bad it was for Josh to be paired with the "Chad" after the trauma he had gone through, and I ended that episode sure that Kirin was my fav (boy) character and also my fav person on the boys' island.

So, some consideration in no particular order:

- either Kirin has a natural talent to spot signs of abuse, or he has more backstory than what we have been made aware of so far. He frowns even before he sees the red marks on Josh's chest, reacting only based on his avoidance. He says and does what's right, not only he stays 100% firm in his decision to believe Josh but he also state that decision aloud multiple times. I see backstory here and I want it.

- not straight. He has a not-straight energy that is incredibly big. He's the Sports Jock and the "Chad" but his backstory has no girls in it: we don't see him with a girl not even in a fragment; he's not pictured as an heartbreaker, which usually pairs really well with the archetype of the Conventionally Attractive Popular School Bully Captain; he could have been busy with practise, sure, but from the point of the writers I see this as a deliberate storytelling choice to hint at something (or at least I hope so)

- he's funny. I find him genuinely funny.

- he's the natural leader, but he is also kinda the group mom. And his attentions to the others are so casual and natural that you fail to notice them at first: how he hugs Bo on the cliff, how he cooks and shares food, how he always has an eye on the others. It comes so naturally to him and therefore I want to know more about the "dad part" he gets to play and his siblings

- he may be a "act now think later (or never)" kind of person, but he is not a bad person. I ended up thinking about "bad boy, good man" as the perfect quote for him during one of the episodes.

- I'm not excusing what he said to Ivan in the flashback, but I really see that moment as nuanced. He said awful things, no doubts about that, but what I see in that scene is this: a drunk and sad schoolboy caught in the middle of a breakdown whose first reaction is to firmly state he is not an homophobe/racist (not sure about which one he was going for as the sentence is cut off) and to refuse to repeat the insults Ivan is putting in his mouth. In other words I don't see him as a racist and/or homophobe who is ready to insult people and happy to do so given the chance; and I see this because he does not come up with bad words he was refraining himself from using but is glad to let out, he repeats exactly what Ivan was telling him to say; I don't see any joy in him as the words come out of his mouth, I only see a broken young boy who is being provoked in a moment of fragility. Also, surely enough Ivan and him have more backstory, otherwise Ivan's provocation is unexplicable: we haven't seen Kirin doing anything bad up to this moment, so I don't get why Ivan starts this provocation. Therefore I suspend my judgment on this moment (and on both Ivan and Kirin before the island) until I know more about their relationship and what led to that moment in the locker room.

- his interview draws a lot of parallels to Toni and I like this a lot

- I'm really praying they'll use this magnificent example of "Archetype: Chad" to subvert the 'boys will be boys' trope and to show us a boy who is stupid and impulsive and everything a 'boy' is, but is also inherently a good person.

ALSO why he is officially listed as "Kirin O'Connor" but everyone on tumblr tags him as "Kirin O'Conner"?

[asphaltvalkyrie]

I had an extremely slow day at work today, so I chose to look busy by writing about BG3. Someone smarter than me has probably had this revelation before, but it gave me pause enough for me to feel like I need to share it.

I decided to romance Gale in my 2nd playthrough, with the intent of letting him get ahold of the Crown of Karsus, and its making me Feel Things.  I like this walking apocalypse of a wizard a lot (he and Karlach are my easy faves,) but its taken romancing him to really see that

tl;dr Gale's backstory really makes a handy allegory for gifted kid burnout.

From the beginning he was special, a golden child, someone who would do great things and go far. So, he ended up building his entire personality on that eventuality.  Older authority figures took a special interest in his talent and he immediately wanted nothing more than to please them, at the cost of making friends or learning life skills (well, except cooking apparently?) 

(Then there's the whole issue of him developing a sexual relationship with Mystra who was without a doubt considerably older than he was and had that "but he's so mature for his age," mindset and all the fuckery that comes with that holy shit I can't even begin to desconstruct how much that would fuck someone up.)

Then he makes a mistake. He breaks a rule he didn't know existed. Why doesn't he know that rule existed?  Because no one told him.  They conflated his intelligence with maturity and his self-confidence with knowing his own limits. They forgot that he's basically a kid compared to them. (Elminster is what, centuries old?  And Mystra is a fucking deity.) He lacks the emotional maturity to understand why what he did was so bad. 

Gifted kids know.  Among the absolute worst thing an adult can say to you is "I expected more of you," or "you should have known better." Which is pretty much what Elminster and Mystra said to him. And then they not only withdrew their attentions and support, but they also refused  to help him deal with the orb - an omnipresent physical and spiritual reminder of his trangression. After that... he just has no idea what to do with himself. He sits in his wizard tower until the Mind Flayers get him.

By the time the others find him, he's realized that the talent he used to get by on no longer serves him, but since he built his whole personality around it, he doesn't know how else to act.  So he maintains the bluff and bluster of a child prodigy, but he's now keenly aware of how pointless it is. He seems insufferably arrogant at times, but there's a razor-fine edge of self-loathing to that arrogance that he couches in self-aware humor. Over the course of his short time with the party he starts to feel like he's cared for and among friends, and even proves himself an attentive, affectionate and very grateful partner if you romance him.

Then Elminster shows up and tells him to atone for what he did by suicide bombing the Elder Brain. Bam, there goes his hope of finding a life outside of that "greatness" others told him he was destined for.  Once a gifted kid always a gifted kid.  Destined to be a human sacrifice on the altar of someone else's expectations, for good or ill. 

And in a semi-related note, when you take him through the Dryad's trial, the answer to the question "whats his biggest flaw" is that "he thinks the world would be better off with him dead" and he says that its very true, but he didn't realize it until you said it.

Then you find the Annals of Karsus, and what does he say he wants to do with it? Reforge the Crown of Karsus with it so that he can obtain godlike power and make the world better for mortals, and he wants to share it with you.  With how smart he is, he really should know thats a terrible idea. But he doesn't, because of a combination of hubris and naivete.  He learned absolutely zero lessons from the orb debacle because he hasn't really been allowed to learn any lessons beyond "I just have to do the thing I'm good at, only I have to try harder this time."

I'm only on the second netherstone, but I have a feeling that this is going to end very badly.

[simlit]

ALL OF THEM FOR EIF YA BITCH

first of all, how rude.

What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

His resilience. Eifra is constantly seen as an easy target, and physically, he's not particularly strong, but he's endured a lot and has the ability to bounce back from just about anything.

What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

His kindness. It's the one thing he's most taken advantage for. He's aware of it, and people constantly warn him, but I don't think even he would choose to be different.

When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze or fawn?

All of the above lmao. Depends on the threat. He does naturally frighten easily, but he's also a very seasoned hunter. Even if he's afraid, he has the ability to temper his nerves to withstand a fight, but if he knows it's a fight he'll lose, he'll happily flee.

How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

Eif would never endanger others, but he would put himself through a world of pain if he thought it would help someone he loves. Again, all depends on the context.

How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

Not... easily. He would have to be put in a very precarious position, to know it was his only option, or if someone's life depended on it. But he's also not so much of a goodie two shoes that his moral compass is swung so far to one side.

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

Ah, this is a fun question. I think I mentioned before I actually intended for Eifra's PoV to only exist as an introduction to Zeh's. But instead he became pretty much the defacto protagonist and narrator for the sequel. I didn't expect to love Eifra as much as I did, and I got attached to him, both as a writer, but also through Zehel. In the same way that I fell in love with Yeryn's romance, Zehel and Eifra's relationship *is* the main dynamic of Arcaen'vel. Eifra is Zehel's crux. He's his driving force and he pushes both the plot and Zehel's character development forward. I went in thinking Zehel would be the main character in what I thought was his own story, but Eifra really had another plan (though I'm sure if I explained it that way to him, he'd disagree and hold Zeh's pedestal that much higher lmao). The two share the spotlight in different ways. But if you asked me like three years ago if I thought the successor to Yeryn's line would be some random hybrid kiddo I'd have slapped your face.

Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

NO lmfao. Eifra would never just commit murder. But he certainly wouldn't have the braincells to get out of it if he did.

Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

Yes! Zehel's theme for Eifra is "A Sky Full of Stars" by Coldplay, and I can literally not listen to this song without thinking of him. "Cuz you get lighter the more it gets dark, I'm gonna give you my heart."

What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

Tbh, I think Eif would work in any AU, but I'll have to choose the most boring and say I'd love to see him in a modern storyline with Zeh. Just because Eifra adapts so well to our timeline.

What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

Bow and arrow. He can hunt well regardless, but his arrows are also the only way he can channel dragonfire. It's the only defense he has, not having been born with arcane magic.

Is your OC self-destructive? In what ways?

Yes, and no. I think he sometimes gives too much of himself away, but I wouldn't say he's actively tearing himself down. But he'd be willing to let people walk all over him if it'd make them happy and that's not a particularly healthy way to live, either.

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

Probably LOL. I mean he's a much MUCH better person than me, but his self-deprecating humor is so relatable. He's a really uplifting person, which is actually the type of person I most enjoy being around, but he does lack the petty shittalk side I require my friendships to have so that I may thrive lmao.

How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

I don't think he much cares how other perceive him, but I think he'd like his friends to see him as reliable. Someone that can be depended on, even when things get difficult.

Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

We all know I don't do real human face claims, but I do have an artwork I pinned ages ago that encapsulates his vibes down to his stature and dress style, the only thing off about it is the hair, otherwise really spot on: here.

What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

Surprisingly high. Eifra has been through... shit. And he's conditioned himself for things most people have never had to. He's been forced to survive most of his life, and I think that gives someone a lot of internal strength. He also has an incredibly good hold of his mental. In a situation where he knew he'd have to endure something to save someone, he wouldn't even miss a beat.

Is your OC more cold and detached or up close and personal?

He's very personable, but honestly he understands people wanting space. He gets attached to Zehel so easily because he feels like he owes him his life (he kind of does lmao), so it's a bit of specific situation. Normally, Eifra is the type to only approach if asked, but he'd always be able to reply. He's incredibly charismatic.

How does your OC behave when enraged?

I think Eifra has only been truly angry a handful of times in his life. Only once severe enough to have some physical repercussion. Usually he lets things slide off him, and doesn't get caught up on negative feelings.

Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

Unsurprisingly not at all lmao.

Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

Neither, but I suppose in the context of their world, he's sort of "broken". He's half elf, half dragon, but he was born magicless, and his wings never developed properly. He's also not able to shift into dragonform, which is usually something that gets bred out over many generations. As he's a "first generation" mix, this is exceedingly odd. He's the only known halflyn to have one dragon parent and not be able to shapeshift.

What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

Lawful/Neutral Good

What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Desire. Eifra has an incredibly difficult time asking for anything, even if he needs those things to actually survive. He feels embarrassed and burdensome to ask favors of others, and hates to be indebted to them. He constantly sees himself as a weight holding back his friends, and would rather starve than to ask for money for food or anything similar.

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

His tenacity. Eifra is such a hard person to keep down, and even though I find these people really annoying irl, I think in stories, juxtaposed characters like Zeh, they become so much more likeable, and important. I think Eifra has a lot of qualities I gravitate to, but being in Zehel's head for almost four-hundred pages, my love and violent need to throw my life on line to protect Eif at all costs is so deeply engrained in me LOL. Zehel really following in Daddy's footsteps by being the world's second biggest simp, only in his case it exists within a platonic friendship, and honestly, I think it's the most fitting storyline I could have written for him.

[extasiswings]

genuine question because i saw your tag on a post but how is natalia possibly being his ana worse than another taylor? eddieana was boring but essentially did nothing. i don’t think the relationship itself was harmful. it just wasn’t something that worked for eddie. buck and taylor seemed to drown each other in misery and actively did both a disservice.

It’s definitely a matter of perspective, for sure. Taylor was an act of self-harm, a miserable, soul-sucking slog of a relationship that he knew was never going to be right because he knew they were fundamentally incompatible (“I thought I could learn to live with it.”), but at least there was an awareness there. It was intentional, Buck knew what he was doing and he knew it was wrong and that’s why he kept her at arm’s length/never really tried that hard and also why in the end he was able to break it off once he felt like he had a support system back (like it’s genuinely almost funny how quickly he comes to his senses once he has both Maddie home and Eddie in a stable place/no longer pushing him away).

(I also disagree that Eddie’s relationship with Ana wasn’t harmful. He spent months drowning himself in repression trying to force himself to play a role that didn’t fit, that wasn’t him, all to make something work with a woman who was perfect on paper because he convinced himself it was what he needed and what Christopher needed to finally move on, which was not only fucked up in general, it vastly impeded any of the very real healing he needed to do and fed into his worst impulses).

But anyway, back to Buck—with Natalia, I don’t think he has anything close to the awareness he had with Taylor. He likes her because she enables his worst impulses, because since she only sees the mask he wants her to see, she not only isn’t going to call him on his shit (which, for all her flaws, Taylor actually did for a decent stretch of their relationship, 5B being where things went downhill for her self-respect), she will affirm him in his insistence that he doesn’t need help, doesn’t need to grow or change or do any work on himself, doesn’t need to reevaluate his relationship with death. She will, at worst (although obviously this is just speculation at this point) actively support him in not developing the healthy fear of death and boundaries and true desire to live that he does need. But he believes himself when he says things like “she really sees me,” he doesn’t see this as a bad thing, he doesn’t realize he’s making the same mistakes, he actively wants this to be something, a relationship that will encourage him to die when that’s the last thing he needs. I said she’s his Ana because this has “the idea of us” written all over it, only it’s really “the idea of him”—the relationship that won’t make him look in the mirror, that won’t ask him to heal, that will let him play pretend until all that acting eventually blows up in his face. And to me, yeah, that’s worse than Taylor.

[none-gender-left-man]

Mike Wheeler has BPD

"I often feel “empty.”"

"My emotions shift very quickly, and I often experience extreme sadness, anger, and anxiety."

"I’m constantly afraid that the people I care about will abandon me or leave me."

"I would describe most of my intimate and close relationships as intense, but unstable."

"The way I feel about the people in my life can dramatically change from one moment to the next—and I don’t always understand why."

"I often do things that I know are dangerous or unhealthy, such as driving recklessly, having unsafe sex, binge drinking, using drugs, or going on spending sprees."

"I’ve attempted to hurt myself, engaged in self-harm behaviors such as cutting, or threatened suicide."

"When I’m feeling insecure in a relationship, I tend to lash out or make impulsive gestures to keep the other person close."

This line of questioning is used in determining whether one has borderline personality disorder.

Let us establish that Mike is simultaneously painfully aware of his flaws and shames while also showing an extreme pride and sense of ego. This is a pretty standard BPD experience, dualism of self value. Both self aggrandized and self loathing.

Mike knows he's an asshole when he is, and it makes him value himself even less, which in turn can stifle his growth without healthy support. When he's a dick to Will especially, he takes responsibility (notably more so with Will than anyone else, I'll come back to this). He knows he fucks up, and when he does it crushes him. This is exactly why Mike "needs to feel needed".

He needs to be told he has value because telling himself doesn't work. He doesn't Believe Himself. To someone with BPD, your own good traits can disappear when you feel you've harmed someone you love or have caused yourself to lose them. This is also why his relationship with El WILL fail. She doesn't Need him, even if she does want his company. This is established. She is an independent agent and this makes them deeply incompatible as a romantic pair. Their relationship was healthiest in a platonic state.

Examples of Mike's emotional instability and lashing out, saying regrettable things to loved ones or having feelings for them shift from one extreme to another:

“I thought we were friends, you know? But friends tell each other the truth. And they definitely don’t lie to each other. You made me think that Will was okay; that he was still out there but he wasn’t! He wasn’t. Maybe you thought you were helping but you weren’t. You hurt me, do you understand? What you did sucks.” - To Eleven/Jane about lying to him

"I'm not trying to be a jerk. But we're not kids anymore. I mean, what did you think? We were never gonna get girlfriends? We were just gonna sit in my basement and play games for the rest of our lives?" - To Will about his jealousy of Eleven and Max

"It's not my fault you don't like girls!" - To Will after Will left due to Lucas and Mike focusing on their girlfriends more than the Party

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe we don't want to be popular?" - to Lucas about his joining the basketball team

"Why is this all on me?" - To Will about their lack of contact

Fear of losing loved ones or being abandoned:

"It's day 353. I had a bad day. I don't know, I guess I wish you were here. We all do. If you're out there, just please, give me a sign....Eleven?" - To El

"I felt like I lost you." - To Will

*See the Self Endangerment section below for more on this related to Will.

Unstable yet intense relationships:

Has been dumped by El for his insensitivity

Has had an established pair bond with Will from kindergarten onward despite having occasionally very turbulent bumps in their friendship.

Fights and bickers with his friends, authorities, and loved ones like his parents and sister on a regular basis.

Has a pattern of being insensitive and disrespectful in general.

Develops attachments quickly and strongly, but these attachments can distort or shift easily.

Self Endangerment or Impulsivity:

“I saw you guys laughing over there and I think that’s a real messed-up thing to do.” - confronting Troy and James

Mike's Suicidality - When Will disappears in the beginning causing Mike and Dustin to have their dangerous encounter with Troy and James, Mike is fully willing to die by throwing himself off the cliff. In the exact same place he fears Will has died. Were it not for El, he'd have killed himself at 12 years old because he lost his favorite person in the world. Remember that when you discuss him and his behaviors. He needs character development, but he's a traumatized, mentally ill teen.

A common part of having BPD is the formation of an attachment to a "favorite person" or FP, Mike's FP is Will, and has been for years.

Evidence:

“I asked if you wanted to be my friend. And you said yes. You said yes. It was the best thing I’ve ever done.” - To Will

In LotL (not typing the full book name bc I'm not clogging the Lucas book tag with a Mike essay) Mike is established as having crashed into an intense self isolating depressive episode when Will left. He shut himself in the basement substituting his absence with hollow video game binges while ignoring everyone and neglecting all other relationships. This of course is parallel to him asking Will if he "expected them to play games in his basement forever", to which Will had replied. "I really did."

This is also why he can't say I love you to El without being pressured/coerced.

When visiting Lenora Hills, Mike doesn't focus on El despite her supposedly being his girlfriend and reason for being there. While El is being bullied and harassed he is distracted, asking why Will hasn't talked to him and has been giving the cold shoulder. He dislikes losing Will's presence and attention. It's uncomfortable and disturbing to his emotional expectations, which triggers his reactivity.

Even though he clearly cares for El deeply, Will takes a priority, and Mike lashes out at him in frustration at their lack of contact because he lacks communication skills and self awareness. (Though to be fair from Mike's POV Will had just blamed Mike for their lack of contact when Mike factually tried countless times to call)

This second loss of Will sets Mike off, just like he was set off when he temporarily lost Will in 1983. Only this time, Mike feels it's his fault in many ways. There's guilt, shame, self pity- but then he starts to fix it upon having his heart-to-hearts with Will, once again establishing Will as a source of emotional stability for him. Will makes Mike see his flaws and helps him to feel loved and supported while not excusing his actions. Will won't just take the bullshit, but he truly loves Mike unconditionally and unapologetically.

Will is the only person who Mike takes the initiative with in accountability without being nudged. The ONLY person. Intentionally or not, Mike Wheeler is BPD coded. There's no way around this and it can't be removed from his character.

There's a pervasive and frustrating concern I have with the amount of cluster b ableism tossed at him as a character. One doesn't have to like him or enjoy him, but note that real people experience the same regressions of behavior. Real people don't need to see their patterns of mental illness targeted so openly. One can criticize the character without treating him as some irredeemable prick with no good qualities left.