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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

Text

Gladiolus.

Description: Jihyun Kim knew what he had to do to protect both Saeran and Saeyoung, but what happens when he realizes that he needs to help himself and change the course of his life to accomplish it? Will he have the strength to be the Dad that he needs to be for them in the face of his mistakes and victories?

Photographer Saeran AU

Word Count: 10500

Based on this idea and thanks to @dailysaeran for drawing baby Saeran!

[Read on AO3]

Jihyun had heard that the winds of change could come into your life and dismantle everything that you thought would last forever. Life wasn’t always a constant stream where the water would twist and turn around the rocks the same way. The weather would change, the temperature would change, the currents would change, and even the animals that lived in the water would change as the seasons passed.

It had been something that he had gone through twice before, but this change wasn’t one that he ever expected to come. It had been a realization that had been a long time coming, but he hadn’t allowed himself to see just how much he needed to stop and reflect on the man that he became as his life shifted to much more mature adulthood.

The first time things changed, he lost his dear mother and it changed the way that he believed in love. Her adoration and commitment to him had made him believe that he needed to care for the people he loved no matter what, without fail, even if it meant that he would sacrifice himself. In hindsight, now he was able to see how this extreme wasn’t the right way to handle his feelings towards others.

His mother had always loved him and wanted the best for him. But, at that time, he had been a stubborn young man who had layered issues with his mother. It wasn’t her fault that his father had taught him to feel complicated about his mother, and it certainly wasn’t her fault that V had come to realize too late that his father had manipulated him to believe in his lies. He had been so afraid as a child of his father seeing his true passion.

His fears and insecurities forced him into pushing his mother away over and over again, but she kept believing in him and pushing for him to find his dream. Her sacrifice for him during the fire that claimed her life had been what changed Jihyun forever. He thought that to love someone, he had to give everything for the rest of his life, even if that meant trying to help someone by being too pushy.

His mistake here had nearly cost him everything.

It had almost destroyed him, in the same way, that his mother had been destroyed by her love and compassion for her son whom she loved dearly. He had learned the wrong lesson and it was only recently that he was able to understand that.

The second time things changed, he had met Rika, and by extension, he would eventually come into contact with Saeyoung. His love life with Rika had always been intense, blinding as the sun as the two of them tangled their broken hearts looking for a savior to believe in. But, their love wasn’t right for one another at the end of the day, and the more they argued the less idyllic their reality became.

He wanted to help Rika escape from her nightmares and trauma, but he had no idea how to help her in the way that she needed him to. He thought that allowing her to fixate on her darkest and scariest thoughts by subjecting him to them instead of herself, would help her to break free of the chain. She was a star that was on the brink of exploding when he met her, and every single day, he idealized this and found a muse within it.

It hadn’t been a healthy relationship once their feelings became tangled with the fruits of poison but as that realization grew to a fever pitch, V couldn’t ignore the cycle that had been created. Even if they ignored it and tried to make things work, it was never going to work and they were needless in the way that they continued to subject themselves to something that would never make them feel the love that they deserved.

Everyone thought that their love was perfect, but it was far from the truth. This was realized just as they began to help the twins. Saeyoung and Saeran Choi were two young boys who had been living in hell their entire lives, and they were trapped in a cycle of abuse that they could not get out of on their own. Rika had been taking care of Saeyoung for a while, gaining his trust through the church and trying to help him bring more food and clothes home to his sickly twin.

She’d known him for quite some time before Jihyun met him. But, Rika had been upfront with him about the life that this young boy lived, and it didn’t take much consideration for him to so badly want to help. Saeyoung was willing to do anything, try something, or beg if it meant that his brother could be safe and sound away from harm. Their mother was using them to blackmail their father into getting whatever she wanted, and without them, she wouldn’t be able to assert that control.

Rika, at first, wanted to simply remove the boys in the dead of night and run. V thought that wasn’t a bad idea, but when Saeyoung admitted the identity of his father, they both knew in their hearts that running wasn’t going to be a viable option.

It was in their hunt to find a way to get the older twin an escape that V met someone from the agency. A fan of his that loved to buy up so many of his photographs happened to be working for an underground facility that took any intelligent young people under their wings. The man spun it to him like being an escape from reality, an action movie suddenly came to life that would give the budding Choi a place to learn how to use his skills to protect himself.

As Saeyoung had proven to be quite skillful with programming, the books that he had been studying that had been given to him by Rika had come in handy. He was able to prove that his skill was worth the trouble it would take to train him properly to the man, and Jihyun was able to make a deal through that, giving Saeyoung safety within the confines of secret protection where his hacking skills could eventually help him hide everything about himself and his brother.

For the time being, Saeyoung would have to let go of his twin to go into the agency to study and become what they wanted him to be. There was no telling how long he would owe the agency his life and skill, it could’ve been years or it could’ve lasted his entire life. But, the deal would give him time to figure out how to become the strongest person that he could be. It would allow him to protect his brother, which is all he wanted.

In making this deal with the agency, he made a second deal with V for it. Saeyoung was a very firm negotiator when he wanted to be. The promise was that as long as Saeyoung was in the care of the agency, V and/or Rika would have to care for his brother and keep him hidden. It was this large promise to make that meant that everything in their lives would change, but V took this deal because he knew it was the right thing to do. He wanted nothing more than to protect those boys with his entire heart.

He had never been this committed to the idea of protecting children before, but he supposed that he saw his pain in their eyes. He never wanted to see another child hurt from whatever they lived through, no matter how deep the pain buried itself into their bodies. This deal was made and the older twin had to leave without warning. His heart ached to know that he couldn’t tell his twin where he was going.

People in the agency weren’t allowed to have connections with family or loved ones. If they did, people would use them as collateral and the agency couldn’t have their members breaking down every time someone wound up kidnapped or used a prop. Saeyoung couldn’t stomach the idea of knowing that his brother would get hurt when this was to protect him, so when the day came and he had to leave?

He hugged his brother tightly as he was still resting and apologized, leaving during the time before the sun rose with just the clothes on his back. Saeran would be okay, but he had to break his heart into pieces to do it. His little brother was everything to him and just knowing that he could taste some kind of freedom was all he needed to choose to leave. Saeyoung had tears in his eyes that day, but he never stopped smiling.

Those words that Saeyoung spoke still haunted him somewhat, as the undaunted expression in his eyes grew; “Saeran will have a good life. I know he will. He’ll be free to look at the grounds and get any kind of ice cream that he wants after dinner from now on. He’ll get to experience all kinds of firsts… he can read, draw, and try all kinds of things with you, V. He’ll make friends, he’ll fall in love, he’ll have everything that he could ever want. Thank you.”

That hung heavy on V’s shoulders as it was a tall order to fulfill. But, he took that promise and he kept it deeply interwoven inside of his heart. Even as his and Rika’s relationship came to an end in a matter of seconds. Rika realized after just a short time being around Saeran that his pain was too great compared to her own, and it reminded her too much of her mother and the pain that she had suffered.

She wanted to protect Saeran, but this realization had given her the ugly truth. She couldn’t give him the love that he needed alongside V… because her heart was still wounded, and she wanted to heal herself in the right way before she tried to help someone in need in the way that he truly needed. His pain was like her own, and in seeing that, she knew that she needed to end things with V to be able to help herself.

As they had been growing apart over some time, V understood why she chose to do this and he knew that it was coming no matter what happened. They had never been perfect for each other and trying to force themselves to stay together to take care of Saeran simply wasn’t going to help that child in need.

Rika dedicated herself back to going to therapy consistently and decided to put all her energy into creating the RFA so she could help Saeran and other children like him that way, removed from the situation but still close enough to provide help.

She loved V but their love couldn’t ever be more than what it had always been, mere infatuation and trying to cover their wounds with a meager bandaid that couldn’t heal the problem. He cared for her greatly but at the end of the day, love could not bloom and prosper in a garden without a drop of water in the intense heat of the sun.

V understood his failing in their relationship as well, and through her insistence, as well as the urging of Jumin, he decided that he needed to get help for himself as well. Even if getting help was such a taboo in his culture, he knew that he needed it. He knew that his heart was wounded and to be a better man, he had to acknowledge what he had gone through. After all, if he was to be Saeran’s father, he wanted to be worthy of the title.

He wanted to be able to prove to not only himself but everyone around him that he could do the right thing. It wasn’t easy for him to face his demons but it was a process that he wanted to start for his heath. While that started and he and Rika separated, he slowly took the time to lure Saeran away from his mother’s grasp day by day. It started with Rika convincing the woman to let him come to the cathedral every so often.

But, in due time, the longer that Saeran was gone, the less time that his mother was aware of her surroundings and the people around herself.

She had been drinking often since Saeyoung had left and it left her out of her mind for lengthy periods. When she was too dazed to even process what her name was, much less where her child was, that’s when V and Rika snuck in during the dead of night when she was passed out and there was no sign of any watchful eyes from Saejoong Choi.

Saeran was removed from her household and brought to V’s house in the secluded mountains, far from the city but just close enough that they wouldn’t have a lengthy drive if push came to shove and they needed something.

That woman was left in her despair but her fate hung in the balance the minute that she was left alone. They took extreme measures to make it look like the boys hadn’t even lived there in the first place, but whatever Saejoong Choi decided to do with that woman… it would be the price of her sins to face alone now that she no longer could use the boys as puppets. Neither V nor Rika would look back or try to discern her true fate.

It would be up to fate in that case and they would shield Saeran from that reality as much as they could. He might have cared for the idea of his mother as he craved a family where he was wanted and loved, but she wasn’t someone who truly loved her sons. They couldn’t be properly called her sons because she never treated them the way a mother should treat their child. She simply did not deserve that title.

Regardless, with Saeran under his care, he was finally able to wake up one morning and know that he had a bed that couldn’t be taken away from him. He’d been given his bedroom with anything that he could desire. Saeyoung had told them about some of the things that he liked and it helped them figure out what to gift him to make him feel more at home.

It was a lot for Saeran all at once, though.

His eyes flooded with tears that day as he realized that he had a bed for the first time in his life. He looked back at V and asked him, “Is that mine?” The twins had slept on a mat on the floor with only a single blanket to share between them. Saeran often wound up wearing the blanket after he fell asleep because Saeyoung would refuse to take it. So, a bed was like the biggest gift this child had ever seen.

Saeran’s eyes flooded with tears as he hugged V without thinking, looking at him with the most joyful expression in his eyes. V felt his heart jump when he did, and a lump grew in his throat as he ruffled the boy’s hair and smiled in return. This was what Saeyoung wanted, his twin to be able to have the very thing that they had been denied from their birth, a home with a family that would protect him.

He had been barely fourteen years old, but the way his donated clothes clung to his body and how short he was, he could’ve passed easily as a ten-year-old, at best. He was small and barely able to hold himself up most days but that had been a happy moment for him. Saeran had only let go of V to race to the bed, flopping onto the soft mattress and rolling onto his back, laughing and giggling with glee.

His room was a paradise of pinks and blues, very gentle pastels that would cloak him with the sunshine that he had been denied. His room had a large window that he could open if he wanted to see the sky or feel the fresh breeze on his face once again.

There was a view of the garden in the back and the massive trees that lead into the forest further behind that. He could see all of the things that he never could have locked away in his mother’s house.

There were plushies and toys carefully tucked into the room as well since Saeyoung had been firmly adamant that his twin loved to color and all the picture books that he had received made him long for toys and soft things to hold onto.

There was one gift in that room that hadn’t been chosen by V… and it was a ginger tabby cat plushie, something that Saeyoung picked out for him after he snuck out to go shopping with V one day.

If Saeran were to flip the tag around its neck, he would see his brother’s handwriting on the back plain as day. It didn’t say his brother’s name on it but it did say, “For Saeran,” and that would be the only clue his twin needed to understand that it was a gift from Saeyoung. He would discover it when V left him to acclimate to his new room by himself, eyes laced with happy tears as he’d realize his twin had given him a gift.

It meant that his brother was alive and this was where he wanted him to be.

Saeran was hopeful after that, his eyes sparkling with relief and joy. V couldn’t tell him where his twin was or anything about him, but the gift was enough. It was a gesture that would be able to tide him over and keep his heart happy, knowing that he hadn’t been abandoned and his twin hadn’t been killed by their father.

It was a simple gesture but it was the only thing that he could think of to bypass the agency before they even knew it was a problem.

Of course, this opened up another can of worms that V had to deal with. The fact of the matter was, Saeran couldn’t keep his red hair. Even if he was hidden away from the rest of the world and safe with him, they couldn’t trust that his father wasn’t still looking. He would be hunting around for boys with red hair and golden eyes.

V had to explain this to Saeran, who felt a little dejected about not being able to keep his hair but after he learned why he had to change it, he was okay with it. After all, he knew that he could be able to dye it back someday if he wanted. But, for the time being, he had to dye his hair to look like V’s did. This was for a very good reason and it worked with the backstory that he was going to tell people if they asked about him having a child.

Through the false documentation that he was able to create thanks to the channel he had created with his informants, he was able to create an entire fabricated life for Saeran. It took a lot of time to look into his mother’s side, but he was able to make it seem as though Saeran was just a very distant cousin of his from the states that had no other family to turn to. It meant he wouldn’t be in the family registry since it was distant.

It was close enough that a doctored birth certificate and some basic paperwork could give him a new identity overall. It took a lot of money to make it as perfect and legal as possible, but it was well worth the price he paid. To the South Korean government as far as they were concerned in the matter, Saeran would simply be known as Ray Kim, the adopted child of Jihyun Kim. It was as simple as that.

Saeran had been adamant about the name since he got to pick what people would call him. He thought about it for a while until he stumbled upon an interesting idiom. He noticed that nice people were called a Ray of Sunshine. Saeran felt connected with that idea, he wanted so badly to be happy enough that people would never think he was lonely and pathetic.

He wanted to be that person that looked so happy they glowed.

If Saeyoung was watching over him now, he wanted his brother to know that he was happy. So, his new name should’ve been happy. V agreed and let him pick that name since he was giving up a lot to be able to have this freedom in the first place. He was a child that had been saved but he still had limitations on what he could do. Being able to choose his name was one of the small luxuries.

Of course, as soon as the paperwork was ready, V had to dye his hair himself. It took a while to lighten his red locks to a color that would accept the mint dye, but Saeran was a good sport for the entire time that he had to sit there at the table, letting V do his hair in layers as everything started to process. It took a few hours but by the end of it, Saeran’s red was washed away and replaced with a color that was no different than V’s.

The child looked into the mirror once his hair had dried out, blinking a few times at his reflection since he didn’t recognize it at first. His golden eyes stared back at him so he knew that it was his face in the mirror but it felt weird not to see his twin’s face reflected with his own. It wasn’t the same as it used to be, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t okay.

It was okay.

He knew it would be okay.

In a quiet voice, he asked, “Do you think Saeyoung would be upset because I don’t look like him anymore?”

“Saeyoung would be happy that you’re safe here,” V said. He rested his hand against Saeran’s shoulder and they looked back at their reflections together this time. “You’ll always look like your brother, even if you don’t have the same hair color. Nobody can ever take that connection away from you, Saeran. Never forget that.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want to try on the contacts, too? You don’t have to use them when we’re at home, but if we leave the house for something together, I’ll need you to wear them, okay? So, it’d be nice to try to practice getting them off and on your eyes.”

“Are they this color, too?”

“I picked a few different colors out, Saeran. What would you like to try?”

“Um, what about green? It’s like the grass!”

“We can try that.”

—

Saeran adjusted as best he could.

Everything changed so much for him after he finally felt secure. He had room to sleep in, he had a house that could leave whenever he wanted, and he had a new member of his family who liked to listen to him talk for hours about all of the new things that he was doing. V even said that once he felt like he was ready, he could start going to school and hang out with kids his age.

That was a little scary for Saeran to think about. He wasn’t sure about going out in the open with people… he was still scared of being caught by his father and getting his brother into trouble. It was a sad reality that he faced but the decision was ultimately left in his hands if he wanted to go to school with other kids or he simply wanted V to hire him a proper tutor to come and visit the house every week.

Saeran was curious about school… about kids his age. Back at the cathedral, he didn’t talk much to the other kids because he had felt too shy to approach them. He had spoken to some of the kids a few times during the playtime that they had whilst the parents were in the middle of their mass, but he always got too anxious to talk to them beyond a few quiet “hello”s.

It was hard to imagine making friends.

It was hard to imagine going to school, too.

But, everything he saw on the television made it seem like it might be fun. What if Saeyoung was going to a school? Would he want him to go, too? He wasn’t so sure about it, but he could think about it and try to guess what it would be like. After all, V went to a school when he’d been a kid, so that meant that it was safe, right?

Saeran was a gentle soul that liked to learn how to do everything… every meal was spent trying to show him how to do something. Cleaning up meant that he wanted to help V every step of the way, and for the time that he wasn’t trying to learn skills, he could be found outside in the garden that was growing stronger outside. The flowers and vegetables had caught his eye, again.

He spent a lot of time learning about them at the cathedral but he didn’t have long to study the picture book that V got him when he was stuck with his mother. He liked learning about how they drew and what they meant when you shared them with other people. Saeran thought it was interesting that people could share secrets between petals and stems.

They were all so pretty and he liked talking to them whenever he could. They were like his friends even if they couldn’t talk back to him. He never had someone who listened so much before so he liked that about them. His flowers were everything to him, and he felt like they could be what he needed to get by instead of school!

Even if he was curious about what it felt like to have friends that could talk back to him. His flowers were good enough, right?

V told him that flowers grow better when you talk to them, and he took that belief inside of his heart without question. Even though there was so much that he wanted to share with the flowers, he always ran out of time when the sunset. If he could’ve spent all his time in that little garden, he would have. Though, he was always sad on rainy days when couldn’t go outside and see his friends.

He would curl up on the couch with his plushie and stare up at the ceiling for a while, letting his mind wander with thoughts that seemed endless. He was lonely, now, even if he had a family of flowers and V with him. Maybe V was right, he wondered, maybe it would be nice to have some friends that he could talk to just as much as he loved talking to his flower friends. What if he was allowed to have both?

After a particularly stormy day and night that hadn’t let him go outside, Saeran practically leaped at the chance to go outside again. He didn’t even think to ask if V was going to come with him, his little legs just carried him through the house and out the backdoor as fast as they could. He found his way around the puddles and beamed, leaning over with his hands on his knees to inspect his friends.

They looked like they had gotten a lot of water overnight but after how dry it had been, he wasn’t too scared for them. He just wished that he had a chance to see them even when it was raining badly. His flower friends made his day feel a little bit brighter so seeing them made them was always a good feeling he had. He just didn’t know how to see them if it was raining so much all the time!

That’s when Jihyun appeared beside him, crouching down in the dirt next to Saeran with his camera in hand. Saeran cocked his head and looked at him, unsure why he had come to this part of their garden right away. He lifted the viewfinder to his face and pointed it at one of the flowers that he had been admiring, then he lowered the device and showed the image to Saeran.

With curious and amazing eyes, Saeran found himself staring at a reflection of the flower. He’d known that V took photos of things that were kind of like what he saw on the walls of their little house but those were all of the sky and stars. There weren’t photos of flowers in the house, there were a few paintings, but no flower pictures.

He didn’t realize that pictures could be taken of things that were on Earth. Technology was still kind of a fickle thing for Saeran. He had a hard time understanding how things worked, trying to figure out how televisions made their picture happen, how phones could call people if they didn’t have a connection with a string, how cameras worked, how lights functioned to off and on, how a sink made water, and more.

The house that he lived in with his brother didn’t have a lot of things. The kitchen they had was small and he wasn’t allowed in it. His brother would have to get him food and water, and if he’d ever walked into the kitchen without his mother dragging him in there, he would get hurt in the process. He never looked around. He always looked at his feet.

It felt like he didn’t know how anything worked. He always tried to guess how they worked, but the only answer that he could come up with was magic. It made sense in the storybook that he’d read once. Magic seemed like a really good answer, but he couldn’t ever find the fairy or witch that was making it work!

What made V’s camera work?

He was utterly mystified by what he was seeing on the device. He liked the photos that V took of the sky but… he never thought that this was something he could do. V always had a lot of big cameras that he would take outside during the day and night to take longer photos. He said something about exposure, but Ray didn’t know what he meant.

He just knew that whatever magic he did made those really pretty photos of the fluffy clouds come into their living room. V had hung the photo that Saeran liked the most in his room after he asked if he could look at the photo for a while. He thought that asking meant that V would let him look at his screen for a while, but he printed the photo out and put it up when he was asleep. It was a nice surprise!

He spoke up without knowing what he said aloud, “You… you can take pictures of flowers, too? I thought your camera only worked the sky.”

A small smile appeared on V’s face. He paused as if an idea came to mind, and then he leaned over and pressed the camera into Saeran’s hands. Saeran was surprised and looked down at the device in his hands. He didn’t know what to do with it. He was nervous he might drop it if V let him hold it, so he tried to hand it back, but V insisted with another gentle nudge towards him to keep it.

“Lift the camera and look at the screen,” V tapped his finger against the top of the camera where he was staring. “Notice how it shows you what you already see in the garden?

Saeran did as he said, and he noticed the world moved much as it did on television on that small screen. Oh, so, did the cameras that took pictures to take the videos, too? That seemed to make sense to him. He could see the Gladiolus reflected on the monitor. There were a lot of buttons that did things but he didn’t know what they did.

Saeran pursed his lips and looked back at V, “How do you make it work like that? I mean, how do you take the picture?”

“I’d be happy to show you. Can I?”

“Uh-huh.”

So, V adjusted Saeran’s hold on the camera. He helped him place one firm hand on the lens and another on the side of the camera. Then, he showed him how to focus the lens and how to clear up the picture. Saeran felt a little weird about it since this was his first time holding a camera but V was patient as his uncertainty slowly washed away.

He looked at the flower outside of the lens at first, then he looked at the screen again. Saeran thought about it. Would the picture look the same as the real thing? Would someone who saw the photo know exactly what Saeran felt when he was looking at the flower? Or, would they guess as to what he felt? Would they feel that fluttering feeling, too?

“When you want to take a photo, you hit the button. Go ahead, give it a try.”

Saeran hit the switch on the side of the camera and waited a few seconds for the image to show itself on the screen. A wide smile appeared on his face as soon as it did. He couldn’t believe it! He’d taken a photo and it looked just like his flower! Lowering the camera soon, he looked at V who was smiling, too.

He wished that he could show Saeyoung! He never took a photo before and this one reminded him of his brother so much! He was happy, so happy that he had been able to try something new, that he didn’t even realize that he had begun to giggle, “I did it! Dad, I did it! I took the photo!”

“You did a good job, Saeran. Would you like to keep trying?”

V ruffled his hair once again, the mint locks growing messy around his eyes as it would always do whenever the man did that. The breeze was no different, further messing up his hair but he’d decided he didn’t care about that. His hair could be as messy as he wanted and nobody would get onto him for it.

Saeran’s smile didn’t fade away this time. The prospect that he was allowed to try something more than just once was still a foreign feeling, but it was one that he wasn’t afraid of. “Do you mean it? I can take more photos? I don’t have to just take one of them? I can take anything I want?”

“Of course, Saeran. I’d be happy to show you how to take pictures of anything you want. There is no limit to what you can take. Those flowers, those trees, the lake just beyond them, the sky, the clouds, you, me, anything you want! I remember you said that you wanted to be able to see your flowers even when it was rainy… and this way you can. You can take pictures of as many flowers as you want.”

Saeran’s eyes sparkled with excitement. He turned away from V and began to look around the garden for anything that might catch his eye. He didn’t know where to start. He never expected to be able to do something like this! What kind of pictures would he like to see? Oh, could he take photos like V and surprise him the way that he did?

There were so many ideas running through him and he knew that he wanted to try all of them as soon as he could.

He was renewed with the idea that maybe, just maybe he would be able to send these photos to his brother somehow. Wouldn’t Saeyoung love to see them? He gripped the device tightly in his hands and set off into the garden leaving V as he went to take photos of everything. His eyes looking at the earth and the sky, taking photos of everything without feeling like he was being held down.

If he could have photos with him whenever he went off what he loved, he wouldn’t be afraid to try new things anymore. It wouldn’t be scary because he wouldn’t be alone. He could have the stars, the sun, the clouds, the sky, the flowers, his house, V, himself, and anything else that he could think of with him anywhere.

If it was printed or on this camera, he could have it any time he wanted it without having to make a fuss. He wouldn’t have to ask V if he could go outside first, he could sit at the table and see his things while he tried to do other things inside! The idea made him happy and the camera that was in his hand made him feel liberated.

Saeran wondered as if V would let him borrow his camera all the time!

—

Seasons passed and life changed just as quickly as the tides could crash against the shore of your favorite beach. It had been a few years since V had adopted Ray and ever since then, his life had been on a path that was leading him upward to the stars instead of down below to where waters lay underneath his feet.

Ray had been able to go to school and attend the same one that his dad had attended without trouble, and nobody once ever questioned him or thought twice about who he was. They all thought him to be Ray Kim, and nobody had any reason to think that he wasn’t who he said he was. They all assumed that he was who he said he was from the start and that had cleared up a lot of Ray’s fears.

It couldn’t have worked out any better. Ray had been scared to try new things for such a long time but the reality was when V gave him his first camera… It was like a whole new world of opportunity was handed to him. V spent hours showing Ray how to use his camera and he was a faster learner, constantly taking notes and tinkering with ideas that he had just as quickly as he read on what to do.

The camera meant so much to Ray that V decided to give it to him. He had the money to afford a new one, anyway, so he wasn’t too worried about that. It meant more to him that Ray had this thing that made him happy. He loved taking pictures a lot. It reminded V of when he used to use all of his time as a child drawing and painting, and when he saw that passion in Ray’s eyes that he had once seen in himself?

He realized what his mother had meant all those years ago.

She hadn’t been trying to pry into his life or make him do something she wanted. She wanted him to follow his heart. Through therapy, he was able to focus on learning that fact.

He wanted to show his mother that he could do what she did, or at least, what she tried to do. He wanted to support Ray’s dream to be an artist, to be a photographer, too.

Ray’s photos were… breathtaking and he only got better with time and practice. His skill was astounding, he was capable of tricks and feats that had taken V years to figure out on his own so it meant everything to know that giving Ray a camera had been the right thing to do. Even as he got older and studied hard, he never let go of his passion with his camera.

When he wasn’t doing his homework, or spending time with his gardening club, he was taking photos.

His skills were well-admired.

V knew that Ray had potential and he wanted to help him chase that dream even further, but he also knew that Ray’s face couldn’t be shown as the artist for now. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t worthy of a gallery with his name on it but he deserved something to prove how much his hard work meant.

He was stubborn, polite, hard-working, and determined to pay people back for kindness. He never asked V very much if he could help it. Even Jumin had commented that his son was rather selfless time and time again, jesting that he had been spending too much time with his father.

All and all, Ray had grown into an upstanding young man who had a bright future ahead of him, even if he couldn’t have everything. He had a family and friends that cared about him, and he was so very far from the little frightened boy that he had once been. Nobody would have ever believed that the boy with mint curls was once a redhead who lived in fear, clutching to his twin like he was a lifeline.

The RFA had prospered as well, though Ray wasn’t a member of the group.

He was anxious around big parties and crowds so it was better for him to avoid that. But, he still spoke to the members that were in the group that his Dad belonged to. He liked talking to Jumin, as it turned out, they had a lot in common. Ray was polite and formal when he spoke, and Jumin’d been like that all his life. So, they hit it off great.

There had been some trips V and Jumin took, bringing Ray along with them to the countryside since he couldn’t leave Korea for his safety. Ray often spent those days staring at everything he could find and asking Jumin about the history or background of the places they traveled. He loved to learn and listen, and Jumin loved to share that with someone. It humbled V to see his friend and son get along.

Jaehee was courteous to Ray as he often was with her, though, he was the first person to ask Jumin to make fewer cat projects to quote, “not stress Miss Jaehee out.” Ray liked to talk to her because she’d always listen to whatever he was invested in. He would, in turn, listen to her talk about Zen for a while. Their friendship was built on having someone close by who knew what it felt like to want to be heard.

Speaking of Zen, the actor spent a lot of time looking out for Ray… somehow even more so than Yoosung. It might have been because Ray was awfully small for his height and if someone tried to fight him, he’d probably lose before they breathed on him. Zen was always trying to give him advice about the world and Ray took it, but everyone would correct the advice if it turned into his dating advice.

Yoosung was the closest in age to him but they didn’t have a lot in common. They would share notes and study guides often if they shared a subject in school, even though they were going to the same school, but they talked now and again about other things. They surprisingly shared a lot of recipes together and would work to make them if the RFA was in the same place for an extended period.

Rika was around, of course, and Ray didn’t mind her too much. They didn’t talk often but she always checked in on him whenever she got the chance. Her dedication to herself had done a lot of wonders for her, but she still struggled with the fear that she might hurt Ray without meaning to so she kept to a polite distance from him apart from this or that.

V himself was trying his best to be a good father. He made mistakes now and again, but he was doing his best to be there for Ray when he needed someone. Ray had even started calling Dad a long time ago without thinking twice. It was an honor to be given that name, and he would be a liar if he said he didn’t cry that night after Ray went to bed. They spent a long time trying to be sure that bond was tried and true.

Ray had the life that his brother always wanted for him… with one exception to the very rule, he wasn’t in it. Saeyoung wasn’t in his life. He was trapped within the agency and the promise that he had made, but he still thought to this day that his promise was worth it. V couldn’t ever tell him anything about Ray the few fleeting times they got to talk about things on the phone, but he did know that the “cat” was doing better than ever.

Life was different.

But, at the same time, life was better than it had ever been.

However, as he thought about how sad it was that the boys couldn’t see each other, the gears in his brain began to churn. He wanted the boys to have a chance for something, but to give them a chance, he would have to be careful about what he did. As he looked out the window of his kitchen to the backyard, he saw Ray taking photos again, laying in the glass as he stared at the sky once again.

Could he give Ray and Saeyoung a gift at the same time?

V would have to think deeply about this.

—

Seven had received a simple invitation in the mail that wasn’t labeled and wasn’t decorated. It was a mint-colored letter that told him who it was from but wouldn’t reveal to Vanderwood, his handler, that it was a message from someone that he cared about. He had to wait a few days to open it because he had just moved into his new house and Vanderwood had to help him set up a lot of things.

When he opened the letter, he’d been surprised to see that it was a decorated invitation to visit V’s upcoming art exhibition. He was supposedly showing off new works that he had done as well as the works of his new assistant that had just joined him. That didn’t strike him as odd at first, but what did stand out was the message that V penned at the bottom of the letter.

There was just one sentence.

The cat will be there on display. — V

Seven was able to put two and two together. He realized that V was implying that his twin was going to be showing off art for the first time, underneath a pseudonym, of course, but he didn’t once think that his brother would be able to do something like that. He had no idea of the life his twin was living, what he did, what he loved, who he was now, or what it meant to be a part of his life the way that V was.

That was just it… he wasn’t apart of Saeran’s life. He was just his brother that had to leave him, and that was it. He hadn’t seen him in years and a part of him wanted badly to know how he was doing and what he was doing with his life, and this alone should’ve been enough to make him be sure that Saeran was safe and happy.

But, his stomach twisted in knots as he realized that he wanted to go. He wanted to go there and see Saeran in person if he could. It wasn’t a good idea, it was a dangerous idea, but the more he thought about his brother, the more he felt like he needed to see him. He didn’t want to risk any part of Saeran’s new life.

He didn’t want to be the wrench that destroyed everything that Saeran had, because if V was able to do these kinds of things for him, then that meant he was happy. It meant that he had nice ways of living now, and that he had anything he could ever want. It seemed good to know that much, at the very least. He stared at that invitation for the longest time.

He didn’t know what to do with himself because he was between wanting to go to see what he looked like all grown up and happy, but the other part of him warned that if he went, he would risk Saeran’s life all over again. Even if he was careful and lied about everything, it might still put a target on Saeran’s back.

Seven spent a long time thinking about it.

The choice was his to make and V didn’t say that he had to go. He just made it an option that he could choose to come if he wanted. If he could come, anyway. V didn’t know certain things for his own protection. He only knew Seven’s new address for emergency reasons in case something went wrong with Saeran and they had to run through proper protocol.

Should he go and risk it all?

Or, should he stay and keep this letter as a token that Saeran was safe?

It was a big choice to make and he didn’t know the right answer, and there was nobody to ask or talk to about the answer that he wanted to make. Nobody could make it for him and he had to do it on his own. That’s what he always had to do. He always had to decide things that were above his pay grade… it was the price of being the big brother, he always told himself.

In the end, Seven decided to risk it.

He made a plan for it and worked himself into the ground for days ahead of time so he would have a day off. Those didn’t come very often and Vanderwood wouldn’t bother him as long as the work got done. If he didn’t, they would drop by and remind him what was at risk if they’d shirked off when they didn’t need to. When they weren’t supposed to. Their lives were on the line and that was the truth.

The agency had never been like the movies.

It was much, much worse.

This wasn't the kind of life or you could just hack something and get paid for it. They did expect him to be able to do things without a single question. He was expected to absorb information like a sponge and that was all he had to do. If he couldn't keep up with everything that they planned out for him, then it would just end poorly. It would end the same way that Vanderwood had been telling him… in his death.

He didn't plan on dying anytime soon if he had anything to say about it. He was going to keep living because he needed to. There was no other choice in his heart. His brother needed him to be alive and that was the only way it had to be. It was the only way he was going to let it be. He was doing this so he could have the last bit of motivation in his heart to know that he was doing the right thing.

He kept telling himself that if he saw Saeran just one more time…

Just one more time.

It would never happen again and he would never let it be that way. It was a selfish desire because he had already wasted a lot of time by waiting until late that morning with his brother all those years ago. He couldn't leave his brother in the middle of the night. His brother was afraid of being alone in the dark and he waited for sunrise because if he could do anything that day, it would be to leave his brother feeling hopeful instead of the gotten.

He knew that it was going to take some time for them to be able to remove his twin brother from that place. It wasn't going to be easy and it wasn't going to be simple. He knew that it could take weeks for them to be able to remove him.

To leave Saeran was to break his heart. The only thing that he could offer him that last day was the sunrise. He wanted to be able to wash it with him but if his twin knew that he was leaving, he would have tried to come along. He couldn't let that happen. He could have never told him no and that's why he left the way he did.

Seven disguised himself the day of the event. If there was one thing he learned in the agency, it was how to dress himself up and look so unlike himself that he could wander around without fearing people recognizing him. He did have a few favorite disguises that he liked to wear. Even though the agency had forced him to do this because he was young and young people were easy to blend in with the crowd, he had been able to learn that he actually really liked dressing up. He never would have known that before this.

There was just something very validating about being able to dress up. It made him feel good about himself which didn't happen very often. The fact that he had this skill was definitely a comfort because if he was going to break all of the rules, he wanted to make sure that he was going to be safe. Anything that would stop him from putting his brother in danger was going to be for the best.

The gallery show was being held at the same place that he met V. He knew exactly where it was and he knew how to get there. For him to be able to confront it, he decided that the best way for him to handle it was to drive halfway there, and then walk the rest of the distance and get a taxi if he needed it. He was already covering his appearance but he wasn't going to take any chances with someone tracking him. He could never leave any loose ends for himself.

It took a little bit longer to get there, but he was able to get there in just the nick of time.

Seven allowed himself to catch his breath as he stood in the doorway and looked around the room. There was definitely a crowd that'd come to see the show, so it was hard to tell as to where everyone would be. He drew in this short breath and looked around again, trying to spot his brother in the sea of people. He felt dejected when he didn't see him, but he saw V after some scanning and found himself pausing to see what he would do.

"Thank you all for coming today, I hope that you are able to enjoy the collections of work that has been displayed today. What I have been working on myself pales in comparison to my assistant, they prefer to remain out of sight for their privacy, of course, but they want you to enjoy their collection with an open mind. Every artist puts their heart and soul into what they capture, and the reflection on the canvas is just the feeling that you can define for yourself. Whatever you see is what is in front of you. The same feeling that the artist feels when they decide to convey their emotions."

The crowd gave their gentle affirmation in response and cheered for his words. Though, Seven met his eyes and the man smiled back at him. It took away some of the anxiety that he was feeling. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to take the risk?

As the crowds dispersed and began to look around, Seven decided he would do the same thing. After all, nobody would know him underneath this long wig and costume, and since he hadn't seen Saeran, he wanted to see his photos. He managed to find where they were located in the gallery after passing what he knew to be V's unmistakable photos of the sky. He always felt really good whenever he saw those photos of the Galaxy, but he wasn't looking for that today.

The photos shifted from the stars to something else entirely, something he didn't expect to see. The first photo he saw was of the sky… unlike the stars in V's hands, this was the clouds. It was the bluest sky he had ever seen. The clouds were arranged in a pattern that looked like fruits to him, like a strawberry. Saeran had always loved the blue sky… this had to be one of his photos.

If he stepped some more forward, he would find a photo of all kinds of scenery. There were sprawling fields of flowers, beaches filled with shells, lakes and the lily pads that bathed them, even expansive gardens that looked ripe with love and care. It was overwhelming to see all of these photos because they were places that his brother had always wanted to see. It overwhelmed him to see it. Each one of those photographs was labeled with Assistant. It was all by Saeran's hand.

His twin had been able to capture everything that he saw. It was like standing next to his brother as he was able to experience these things for the first time. He missed out on seeing his brother's face for the first time when he got to witness all of this, but seeing all of these photos gave him a chance to have that experience firsthand. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes.

When he came to the end of the hall, he found the last photo.

It was a photo of a single red flower. He leaned over to look at the caption to see what it was called, this one was named Gladiolus. He didn't know that word. Was it the flower? Did it stand for something? It was such an intense looking flower. It made him question the feeling that he was experiencing.

"Gladiolus, named for the Latin gladius, meaning sword. In Rome, they stood for the gladiators that fought valiantly with their brothers in arms. They symbolize strength and integrity. In some cases, they can also mean remembering a Fallen Friend, or thinking of someone who meant everything to you," a humble voice spoke from the side as Seven stood there in front of the photograph.

"Interesting," Seven said, as he turned his head to meet V's gaze. Couldn't alright say what he was thinking. "Does that mean that this…"

V smiled. "Gladiolus grows often in my growing garden these days. My assistant cherishes them dearly because they’re a reminder of someone who he hasn't forgotten since the day he had to move on without them. There are plenty of portraits of flowers here, some of their meanings are listed underneath the photographs. Feel free to look at them all. I'd say this one is the most striking, though."

This flower was dedicated to his older brother… It was a photograph meant to truly symbolize Saeyoung. Saeran hadn't forgotten about him. It had been his biggest fear that his brother would move on and forget about him. Even though he tried to live without thinking about his brother in the life he was living now, he selfishly wished that his brother would still think of him fondly, if not kindly, but at most fondly.

Despite everything, his brother still thought of him after all these years.

V silently stepped to the side and Seven looked beyond him to see what he had been blocking. Across from him and on the other side of the room stood his twin brother, his hair now dyed a minty shade, and green contacts obscured his golden eyes, but there was no mistake. His brother was smiling and laughing alongside those closest to V, those that were in the RFA that V had told him all about.

Jumin Han and Jaehee Kang were conversing with Saeran, while Zen and Yoosung Kim had their hands on his shoulders, being the ones in the room who made him laugh. That was the thing he could see from his vantage point as the crowds were moving in and out of the way. But, there was no doubt about what he saw.

It looked like a family.

Seven felt his eyes welling up with thick tears for the first time in a very long time. He knew he was crying but he couldn't stop it. Saeran looked happy and free and it was all thanks to his Dad, V. He was speechless at that moment and he didn't know what to say. He rubbed furiously at his eyes but it did nothing to quell the tears.

This was all he ever wanted for his twin brother.

"I bought this painting for you," V broke his train of thought by saying something. "This is yours, after all. I know that you can't have any more than this, but that doesn't mean that you can't have a piece of him with you. It's very common for the people that you know to collect, isn't it? Who's to say that you weren't interested in collecting? Think of it as my gift."

Seven wanted nothing more than to hug V at that moment. He couldn't make a scene or be recognizable in any way, but he felt like the man understood what he was trying to say and convey. "Thank you, V… thank you. I don't know what to say."

Their time had run out as an alarm began to react on Seven's phone. V pressed his hand to his shoulder and nodded at him, "Even if the rest of the world tries hard to keep my sons separated, I'll do everything in my power to make sure that they can have a piece of each other to hold onto no matter where they are in the world."

"Your assistant has a very bright future, foster his skills," he smiled back at him despite the pain. He watched as V headed back to the little group with their family. Saeran hugged V and said something that Seven couldn't hear, but the happiness on his face was telling enough. Laughter and all sorts of things spread between them. The group began to talk amongst themselves and by the time that V turned around to see where Seven was, the lonely hacker was gone again.

Just as quickly as he had appeared.

As was the photo of Gladiolus.

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kaizokuou-ni-naru · 4 years

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The Voyage So Far: Wano (Part One)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

shirahoshi seeing the sun for the first time is really a relatively minor and understated thing, among all the chaos and revelations of reverie, but it strikes me as one of the most meaningful little moments in the arc.

i LOVE the luffy fanclub. i love that a meeting of the world leaders winds up being a who’s-who with assorted friends of one of the world’s most notorious criminals, and it brings me SO much joy to see them meeting each other and being able to connect. i feel the same way about coby and rebecca meeting.

in general, and i think i said this at marineford too, i love that the one piece world is developed and interconnected and alive enough to allow for these sorts of interactions.

fucked up that this was almost a hundred chapters ago and we still have no clue what the fuck was up with this, isn’t it?

i do find the introduction of im fascinating. up until this point we’ve had two presumed final villains- blackbeard and akainu- who were first established pretty far back at jaya and enies lobby (in robin’s flashback) respectively. meanwhile, im isn’t even seen until chapter nine hundred and something. it feels very late-game, but at the same time, their existence doesn’t contradict anything previously established, and in fact jives pretty well with a lot of information more recently revealed in dressrosa.

in any case, when in doubt i do trust oda knows what he’s doing when handling his story, and i’m very excited to see what he does with this.

wano is SO PRETTY. i mentioned this before in fishman island, but i think wano is definitely the prettiest setting in the series to date. i think it’s obvious oda was both very excited to draw it and put a lot of work and research into his depiction of it, and wow does it pay off. wano is so bursting with life and detail, and frequently looks like an ukiyo-e painting come to life, and just- wow wow wow.

i love zoro and luffy’s reunion so much... i love how happy they are to see each other. it’s only been, what, a couple weeks in-universe? but luffy is pulling the full tackle-hug like he did for sabo at dressrosa. i love them.

i really like the outfits in wano, too!! zoro’s ronin look in particular i think suits him very well, and i also love luffy’s patchy yukata and robin’s geisha getup and they’re just very cool. this also applies to the non-strawhat wano characters, for the record, and kind of ties back to what i was just saying about wano being so full of detail. it has a very specific look, and everything from the outfits to the way things like the fire and the waves are drawn folds very neatly into that aesthetic.

as i’m writing this i just finished on the paramount war posts, so with that fresh on my mind, i have to say i really like the way ace (or rather, his memory) is incorporated into wano. he’s not really a major presence- that is, the fact that he was there before luffy has no real bearing on the plot. but there are people who knew and cared about him and remember him fondly, tama and yamato, and it just really helps add to this feeling that ace was a person and his life and death had real and lasting affects.

and it adds, too, to the fact that even if it took ace way too long to realize it, he was so thoroughly loved everywhere he went.

i have a lot of thoughts on the intersection of food and heroism in one piece (i keep trying to compile a coherent meta post on the subject and mostly failing). but i’ll settle for saying that in wano luffy is a hero by his own definition, as someone who shares food with others, and i doubt he realizes that, but i think it’s really interesting.

i know luffy’s fight with kaidou is kind of controversial in fandom but i love it, personally. it feels like a logical outcome for luffy to get his ass kicked the first time he tries to go up against a yonkou singlehandedly! he got wrecked when he tried to throw down with a shichibukai the first time, too, and this is just the next logical step from that.

luffy’s always been an underdog starting from nowhere and working his way up and up and up, and i love that for him. of course he’s going to get messed up the first time he tries punching an entire order of magnitude above his weight class. and then he’s going to get up and try again, and again, and again until he wins.

the act structure of wano is really neat, i think. it helps such a long and complicated arc feel a lot more structured and less interminable than it might otherwise, and it also gives specific breaks where we can cut away to the story happening on the outside world.

honestly i really like the whole udon prison segment. it’s fun! i like it for similar reasons i like the colosseum mini-arc in dressrosa, honestly, which is that there’s no real stress because we know luffy is the scariest person there by a country mile so we can just watch him go ham, and that’s fun. it consistently cracks me up that absolutely nobody is worried luffy’s in jail. they’re all just like “yeah, he’ll be fine.” and they’re right! he’s having the time of his life!

wano’s cast is fascinating, because almost nobody is who they first appear to be. almost everyone is wearing masks, whether literal or not- fitting, for an arc structured after a kabuki play. everyone is playing roles, from hiyori to denjirou to kanjurou to yasuie, and everyone lies.

this entire sequence at orochi’s party is one of my favorites in the whole arc- in fact, it was my favorite, until we reached a certain part i’ll get to in the next post. everything from komurasaki standing up for toko and slapping orochi to denjirou “killing” her to robin getting caught by the oniwabanshu and dissolving into petals to nami calling down a massive lightning bolt to cover their escape- it’s really good.

i’ve written extensively before about the smile fruits and the themes of smile and laughter in one piece and how important the freedom to feel and express emotion is. suffice it to say that for all the atrocities orochi commits against the people of wano, it’s feeding the smile fruits to the people of ebisu town that is his greatest crime, and the revelation of just what happened to those poor people ratchets up the tragedy of wano tenfold.

i do think it’s interesting to think about how if denjirou had been just a little less committed to his role, zoro would’ve killed orochi right here. it really drives home that orochi is nothing- he’s weak, he’s cowardly, he’s just lucky and clever and cruel enough to be able to get much more powerful people to do his work for him.

it’s infuriating that someone like him has been able to hold such power over the lives of the people of wano and ruin them so thoroughly, and that’s exactly the point.

wano is the arc where oda says you Will care about the supernovas and i’m like yeah

hey, another of my all-time favorite luffy panels!! i honestly just think this one sums him up as a character in a line more than almost any other- “i’m always free.”

just look at the detail on kidd’s metal hand holy shit holy shit. on occasion certain panels jump out at me that remind me that oda really is just, a genius at drawing on a technical level, even setting aside his writing and storytelling chops, and this is one of them.

oda is really, really good at creating the sense of a darkest hour- a time when all hope seems lost. the other best example in the series is in water seven, when the crew seems to be falling to pieces, merry is marked for death, robin’s gone, and the aqua laguna is coming. here, too- nobody comes to meet the akazaya nine, and the one chance they’ve waited twenty years and staked their lives on seems in danger of slipping through their fingers-

but the point of making it so all seems lost is so that when hope does appear, it shines all the brighter, and feels all the more triumphant. it’s always darkest before the dawn, and we all know how wano has been waiting for the dawn.

#the voyage so far #arc: reverie #arc: wano kuni #one piece #opmeta #not japanese #long post

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suncaptor · 3 years

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s7 adoration

First off, one thing I love about it is the versatility of it. some of my favourite parts are the humour of it, and the balance to the horror of it. It does lean towards dark, and is certainly darker than the rest of the show, but that just makes the gravity of it all lift off so intense when there’s randomly then dick jokes and so forth. same goes for the characters in it with the themes.

I genuinely think that leviathans are one of the scariest and best villains on the show because of the reflection of psychological horror and the flip on the script of hunted/hunter.

That being said, I also think Dick Roman is a great villain for comedic reasons as well and genuinely find his dialogue memorable. So memorable, in fact, I made this uquiz.

I also think that it is the darkest season psychologically in supernatural, like it rings out nadir to me, yet at the same time, this is all canon dialogue. but also it is quite unseen, the depth of it, which is infuriating (and my main fix would it being from Sam’s perspective), but it makes it compelling to me too.

I actually really like having sodium borate being corrosive to leviathans

There’s a canonical bipolar main character who’s vital to the plot and who’s talented and who’s also part of the inner themed reflections of paranoia within without systems and being incapable of trust anything even your brain while still retaining that vitality.

The season starts out with perhaps one of my favourite arcs in the show, as well, which brings me great joy in all the dialogue while also introducing one of the other most compelling parts of the show (being godstiel then Sam’s PTSD hallucinations retrospectively).

Two of the three main writer’s I look to as the core of what I love about Supernatural are perhaps the strongest voices in the season (Sera Gamble and Ben Edlund) and I really actually love the addition of Robbie Thompson and think some of his episodes are top tier. I don’t like Adam Glass, Buckleming, or Robert Singer writing any of the episodes, and my fix to s7 would be deleting those episodes, and Dabb is on like, thin ice, but I do really like most of the writing and theming and all and am genuinely enjoying the individual episodes and think that tied with 2, 4, and 5 it’s got the best quality for being entertaining to me.

And when I was looking at favourite episodes in Kripke/Gamble era (which I generally vastly prefer), it had the most of top 30 (8), and 20% of the top 10. And of that, it would skew towards the top total.

While Hello Cruel World sets up the season’s intent extremely well, I think that Defending Your Life drives the points home about how this reflects onto Sam and Dean in regards of their own psychological issues and how it will then impact their actions, the conflict not at all then revolving around leviathans but the concept of monstrosity and mental illness. While the season is incredibly ableist constantly and with some writers it’s clear that it’s intentional and the characters and they treat Sam with respect, other times it’s clearly not. I still am obsessed with this because it is directly and not metaphorically addressing these issues even if poorly.

Slash Fiction has some of the most in character and pointed analysis in the show immediately, including this scene and actually references and uses the history of the characters and the show itself to be more horrifying.

How To Win Friends and Influence Monsters is just also the epitome of s7 in general, from Sam hallucinating Lucifer and saying he’s lucky and people have it worse, Dean at his nihilistic worst about to lose Bobby admit while high on a sandwich what it’s really about, the fact they didn’t ever want to shoot deer, and just iconic dialogue from everyone including our favourite Dick Roman and “bibbing” while also having Bobby see the plans building the tension of the overall arc in the season right before being shot.

And while Death’s Door is very painful for me to rewatch, it is also an astounding episode of television from the terror of going back to the origin “You can never go home” and the only genetic case of bullet to the head (generational trauma), the insight into the abuse, how it shaped all the memories proceeding it, how Bobby didn’t escape it or what it did to him, but he also never was anything like his deepest fears or his fathers, and also Bobby’s speech towards his father. I also think the way Sam and Dean respond is extremely well written and their grief is palpable.

We also then get these lovely random images I get to share here :) X, X, and X.

Repo Man I may have some criticisms about in terms of ableism and homophobia, but it is still one of the best, and most horrifying, episodes in the show. Both the mirrors and the revelations throughout the episode and the dark intoxicating obsession while also seeing Sam’s actual trauma in front of us… I feel like I could literally analyse this episode for years, it’s so rich and deep, as much of Edlund’s episodes are when he decides he wants to make something deep instead of comical.

that being said I think The Born Again Identity may be one of the best episodes in the entire show. I can’t rationalise this because it would take hours if you don’t like this episode we just have entirely different taste.

Though, outside of the actual episode writing, the way it opens with the surreality and mental deterioration is very important to me, and it’s just one of many aspects of this episode, but I feel like it may be less popular so I thought I’d say it.

Charlie’s first episode and actually having our first actually good fully fleshed out lgbt character genuinely changes something in me when I watch it like. It is so full of hope for me personally just because of how fun and deep it remains. We get to hear Dick Roman describe the spark in humanity he can’t replicate while also saying “Nothing’s safe. I like that.” (the thesis of the season). Donald Trump helped him get the leviathan tablet. We get the scene where Dean coaches Charlie through flirting with a man and also have her make Harry Potter references which I just personally find very funny to watch. And Charlie’s mere existence just makes me hope, like the way she is.

Season 7 is the first season Cas tells Sam and Dean he loves them.

And Kevin Tran is introduced, one of my favourite characters who also adds much to the season itself.

Reading is Fundamental is the episode that Kevin Tran is introduced, that we get to see more into Cas’s past through the ways in which is he more open in his altered mental state such as how he loved Neanderthal poetry and bees, Hester’s accusation towards Dean, more talk around the hell trauma transfer which intrigues me even if it also infuriates me, and Cas actually faces and reacting to what he’s done, even if in an altered state. There are countless reasons I love it.

Also, this may not be something someone who doesn’t ship destiel can see and leans much more subtextual, so ignore this part if you are bothered by those interpretations, but I think season 7 is when Dean realised he was in love with Cas and like I do have a lot of reasons for thinking this and find it just another layer of why seeing the psychology of the main characters is intriguing to me. I also then can do parallels throughout that reflect this grapping too. And it adds layers to how Dean finds him married then, maybe even add the demon he kissed.

And then, of course, is the matter of the trench coat.

this is very very limited, but I tried my best to be comprehensive of my highlights and reasons for loving season 7!

#s7 #spn #supernatural #incoherents #lists

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cynicalrainbows · 5 years

Text

Eve’s Curse

Second attempt at writing fluff for @six-gifts-exchanges for @saria-malinas!

Not at all meant as anything other than friendship (because in my own head, Cathy and Kitty have a very adorable, very pure best-friendship thing going on, which very possibly could involve friendship bracelets and- in the fullness of time- a very very Vanilla sort of Burn Book) but you can read it as mild Parrward if you want to, I suppose.

TW: Periods.

She’s halfway to the stairs, empty coffee cup in hand, when she catches the sound of muffled sobbing coming from the bathroom.

She hesitates on the top step- pretend not to have heard and give whoever it is a chance to pull themselves together and pretend All Is Well or interrupt and potentially risk getting herself mixed up in something she isn’t able to handle?

She’s the first to admit it- she’s not the best at giving comfort out of the six of them, no one would ever mistake her for the Mum-Friend.

She’s too awkward, too hesitant.

No, that title- rightfully- belongs to Jane, who not only has apparently found a way to bend the laws of physics in order to fit everything that anyone might conceivably need into her smallish handbag (Cathy has seen her pull out tissues AND aspirin AND water AND plasters AND gum AND a hairbrush AND tampons AND tweezers AND anti-hayfever medication out of her bag at a moments notice, and the mystery is further compounded by the fact that none of the other queens ever have caught Jane actually replenishing her bountiful supplies.)

In addition to being Keeper Of All Things, Jane also seems to have an almost spooky sixth-sense for knowing when she is needed, often just….appearing at the bedroom door of whichever queen is struggling, armed with chocolate and tea and sympathy, whether the issue is a persistent migraine (Aragon), a hangover (Anna) or social-media induced blues (Anne, who isn’t allowed to read their youtube comments anymore).

Jane though is out. Aragon too- who, in Jane’s absence, can usually be relied on to step in with advice and cups of green tea- is not around.

Come to think of it, Anna did say something about going to the gym over breakfast….

That left Anne- who Cathy knows generally prefers to hide her tears behind thumpingly-loud music and/or a shower running on full rather than behind a simple door….and Kitty.

Oh god.

Reluctantly, Cathy finds herself retracing her steps until she’s right in front of the door.

Of course she can’t go back downstairs if it’s Kitty. Not that she’s even fully sure she believes in hell anymore (something she has neglected to mention to Catalina and fully plans to emphatically deny if her godmother ever catches wind of it) but she’s absolutely certain that wilfully leaving Kitty alone and in distress is the sort of thing that would be sure to forever condemn you to the darkest, deepest, scariest level of it.

(Also, the other queens would kill her if they found out: Jane might be first but Anna, she knows, wouldn't be far behind.)

She raises her hand to knock and then pulls it back.

Just do it.

She can’t.

And it’s not that she doesn’t want to help Kitty, it’s not that she doesn’t care- she’s just scared to death.

She knows, after all, how much the youngest queen has been through- out of all of them, only she and Anna were actually there to hear, first-hand, the gossip that set half of London into a flurry of excitement as the other half bit their lips to keep from commenting: the King’s pretty new wife, the ex maid-in-waiting.

Just like that Bullen girl, some said- some doubtfully, others gleefully.

Young though, isn’t she? It was said with a smirk at first, with barely concealed concern later.

She looks like a child beside him-

They say he can’t keep his hands off her-

They say she’s looking ever so pale-

They say the King is angry-

They say she’s been meeting secretly with one of the King's men-

They say she’ll be sent to a nunnery-

They say she was pre-contracted-

And then, suddenly: She’s dead. Beheaded.

And that time, it was not gossip or open to speculation but sad, bleak, unalterable fact.

And still the rumours kept spreading:

They say she cried as she was being led to the scaffold- and They say she begged the King to spare her family- and, more and more often now, so young, so very young.

It makes Cathy afraid to even talk to the girl- she only has to look at her to feel the crushing weight of years of guilt, and even as she reminds herself that she really had no more choice in the marriage than Kitty did herself, it doesn’t help much. She after all survived. That makes a difference.

It’s why she shies away not just from Kitty but from all of them- Anna, she’s sure, must secretly blame her for Kitty’s fate, and if she does, wouldn’t Anne feel the same? Jane, she’s sure, must also find herself looking askance at the woman who came directly after to marry the man who had her now-surrogate-daughter was killed. Even Catalina, who she feels closest to, probably finds it a bit odd that her own goddaughter went on to marry her husband.

The thoughts keep her a little isolated, a little lonely. It’s not awful or anything, just a bit solitary from time to time.

It’s ok though. Last to marry a notorious wife-killer, she’s used to people being uncomfortable around her.

True, Kitty doesn’t seem to hold anything against her.

She’s a little hesitant, a little shy- it took her days to talk around any of them in anything louder than a whisper, over a week before she was able to speak without being spoken to- but she still offers shy smiles across the stage when Cathy catches her eye mid-rehearsal.

She remembers that she likes her coffee with cinnamon instead of sugar, and when it’s Cathy’s turn to wash up, sometimes she’ll look up and find she has a pink-haired shadow, drying the cups and plates and putting them away.

If anything, this makes it worse, the fact that she is confronted every day with this sweet, kind girl and forced to remember the awful things that were done to her.

It’s why she’s stuck outside the bathroom door, not even able to knock- what if she tries to help Kitty and she gets it wrong? What if she somehow makes things worse?

She isn’t sure she’d be able to live with herself.

Then Kitty gives a particularly sad sounding whimper and she realises that she definitely won’t be able to live with herself if she doesn’t do something.

‘Kitty?’

The whimpering chokes off and is replaced by silence.

‘Kitty, are you alright?’

Stupid question Cathy. As if crying in the bathroom has ever been considered a sign of ‘being alright’.

‘I’m- fine.’

Her voice is wavery. Cathy is at a bit of a loss.

‘Can I come in?’

‘No!’ Kitty’s voice is panicked and then hesitant. ‘I mean- yes of course, just…. I mean, not right now...please?’

‘Um….ok’ She feels out of her depth already- she doesn’t know whether to insist or to leave Kitty be like she’s requested.

She tries another tack.

‘Can I get you anything? You don’t have to let me in but if you need anything I could….bring it to you.’ Even her own words sound insubstantial as she trails off- what exactly could Kitty need that she could bring? A book about surviving one's own beheading?

‘N- no. It’s ok. You don’t have to. I didn’t want to bother anyone else-’

‘Are you sure?’ She really really wishes they could be having this conversation face to face and feels a sudden pang of sympathy for Catalina for all the times that she’s surrendered to her own demons and made the woman carry out a mostly-one-sided conversation with a locked door. ‘Honestly, Kitty I just want to help. It’s not a bother at all- I’ll get you anything you need-’

She’s surprised when it actually elicits a response- there’s a scuffle, the door opens a tiny bit and a tear-stained Kitty appears in the crack.

‘Do you-’ She twists her fingers anxiously. ‘Do you…..know how to get blood out of stuff?’

There’s a second where she’s confused by the question, before her mind clears and she realises that by stuff, Kitty probably means clothes.

‘....yes’ She’s trying not to panic- is she hurt? Is something very wrong? Why oh why did Jane and Aragon both have to go out at the same time?- and then she sees Kitty wince and press her hands to her abdomen and her shoulders sink in relief.

‘Oh.’

Kitty doesn’t look anywhere near as relieved- a tear slides down her cheek and Cathy feels her heart squeeze. The poor thing looks so young-

‘Hey-’ She steps forward and gently opens the door wider so that she can wrap an arm around the girls shoulders. She’s practically holding her breath as she does- what if Kitty pushes her away, what if she slams the door on her- but she lets her. Cathy could swear she actually leans into her touch a tiny bit.

‘It’s ok, I know how much they can hurt but it’ll be over soon- I’ll get you a hot water bottle and some painkillers, that’ll help-’

She’s mentally rejoicing over the fact that the gathering of these items is a physical action she can actually do when Kitty’s voice breaks.

‘- I don’t know what I did wrong-’

‘Sorry?’

‘I must have done something and I just-’

‘You haven’t done anything wrong.’ God knows Kitty wouldn’t be the only one to misjudge monthly timings in a way that resulted in unexpected laundry. ‘Sometimes it just takes you by surprise and-’

‘But I was so careful!’ It’s almost a wail and it takes Cathy aback. ‘I didn’t do anything this time round, I was so, so careful… I don’t want it all to happen again Cathy!’

‘Hold on-’ Clearly she has missed a couple of jumps in logic here- she steers Kitty back inside the bathroom, sits her down on the edge of the bathtub and kneels down in front of her while Kitty sniffles. ‘What do you mean by not doing anything? It’s just your period, you can’t control it-’

‘I must have done something to make it come-’ Kitty looks at her with red-rimmed eyes. ‘I know that it was my fault before, I know I shouldn’t have let him….touch me but he was so angry, Cathy! He said he’d be ill if i didn’t, he said I led him on-’ she starts to cry, quietly, hunching forward. ‘And then it came- when my step grandmother saw the blood...she said it showed I was a woman, that I must have been doing things I shouldn’t- I wasn’t a girl anymore- Cathy, I haven’t done anything this time, I swear it, I just….don’t know how it happened-’

Cathy’s mind is reeling and for a moment, all she can do is reach out mutely and pull the weeping girl into her arms. She isn’t quite sure what to say, how to begin- anger and indignation and sadness all battle in her mind- and she’s sure there’s a right thing to say, if only she can think of it.

‘Oh Kitty-’

‘I know- oh Cathy, please don’t tell the others, I don’t want them to know I-’ Her face contorts with a sob. ‘Please don’t tell Jane-’

There’s so much Cathy wants to say- wise, sensible, non-judgemental things, the sort of things that Jane or Catalina would say, but instead what comes out is: ‘Your grandmother told you it was your fault? What an absolute bitch!’

‘Step grandmother-’ Kitty flinches a bit in her arms at her vehemence and Cathy has to reign herself in, gently rubbing small circles over Kitty’s shoulders until she relaxes again.

‘Sorry, just…’ She’s fumbling for the words that will make everything better, when really what she wants to do is scoop this poor girl up into her arms and keep her safe from all of the terrible lies people are clearly so intent on telling her. ‘Kitty, you know you didn’t do anything wrong, right? You didn’t make anything happen?’

Stupid, stupid. Of course, she knows, if Kitty knew that, they wouldn’t be having this conversation.

‘What do you mean? Of course I did. I mean, I know he shouldn’t have either but something had to have triggered it so-’

‘No!’ Cathy finds she’s actually raising her voice a bit. ‘You didn’t do anything, you-’ She forces her voice soft and instinctively takes Kitty’s hands in her own. ‘Kitty, getting your period is nothing to do with what you’ve done or said or- or anything.’

‘But-’

‘Listen to me. It’s nothing to do with anything. Back then- you would have gotten it anyway. And now- honestly, I’m surprised it didn’t come sooner but sometimes stress can-’ She’s getting off topic. ‘Just….it’s nothing to do with doing anything wrong. It’s just biology.’

‘It’s Eve’s curse though, it’s a punishment-?’ She says it as if it’s fact but there’s the hint of a question in it, a tiny spark of raw, naked hope in Kitty’s woebegone face that’s breaking Cathy’s heart.

‘No, Kitty. It’s just how the woman’s body works- trust me, I’ve researched all of it. People today- they know about these things, they know SO much more than we did back then, they know things we didn’t even think to question…’ Whoops. Off topic again.

Hold back the rant Cathy, the poor girl can hear your thoughts on all this at another point. Ideally one where she isn’t in tears and bleeding.

Kitty’s looking at her, half hopeful, half unsure and she realises she’s going to need to explain things a bit better.

‘Ok. What did your step grandmother tell you when you were younger?’

‘That it meant I was becoming a woman- I was opening myself up to Eve’s sin.’

Cathy grits her teeth. ‘What else?’

‘That I could have babies now. And that I’d brought it on myself so I wasn't to go whining about the place looking for sympathy because the pain was punishment.’

She’s never in her life wanted to throttle an old woman more.

‘So- she was sort of right…. Not about the pain bit. Look, you know when women get pregnant, the baby grows in the womb?’

Kitty nods.

Every month, the womb readies itself for a baby. When there isn’t a baby, it sort of….clears itself and begins again. That’s why it hurts- your womb, your uterus is sort of ripping everything out. That’s why you bleed. Not because it’s a punishment.’

‘But….if I did something to trigger it-’

‘Kitty.’ Cathy looks at her unblinkingly, trying to put as much gravity behind her words as she can, praying they’ll sink in. ‘Listen. There is no one single thing you could have done or not done that would have made the slightest bit of difference, ok? Not a thing. It’s the same for all of us- you can ask any of us, it’s always the same. Nothing to do with you. You haven’t done anything wrong now and you didn’t do anything wrong then, ok?’

She watches until Kitty gives a tremulous nod of assent.

‘Good.’

There’s a moment of silence, and then Kitty wearily brushes at her still-teary eyes and sniffles. ‘I feel really stupid. You must think I’m an idiot-’

‘No! It’s not your fault!’ Cathy can’t bear the idea that Kitty is blaming herself again- the poor girl sounds so sad and broken down. ‘How were you meant to know different? I wasn’t telling you to make you feel silly, you know that right? Just...I didn’t want you to feel guilty for something that wasn’t your fault. You don’t deserve that.’

Please, please know I didn’t mean it badly-

Kitty sighs and nods resignedly. She looks suddenly very tired. ‘- thanks.’

‘You’re welcome. Now-’ It occurs to her that while the emotional side of things might be mostly-sorted for now, there’s still some things to take care of. ‘Here’s what we’ll do-’

It’s a shock to hear herself taking charge in such a way- she sounds like Jane, talking one or another of them through a crisis, all soothing and in control. Not her own awkward self at all. ‘I’m going to run you a hot bath- it’ll help with the cramps- and I’ll sort out your clothes and get you some pads-’

‘I don’t have any-’

‘Oh there’s always some in the bathroom cabinet.’ She rummages into its innermost recesses til she finds what she’s looking for. ‘We’ll get you some of your own too, of course. But you can always borrow from any of us in future, if you run out, ok?’

‘....ok.’

She stands Kitty up and starts turning on the taps. ‘Leave your clothes outside the bathroom door, and I’ll bring you some new stuff-’

‘You don’t have to wash my clothes-’

Kitty looks absolutely mortified and Cathy wonders why for a second- of course she’s not going to judge her- before remembering how she herself had fiercely resisted Catalina taking care of her when she’d come down with flu, how Anne had limped miserably on a sprained ankle for a whole rehearsal before admitting it to anyone. It’s not just Kitty- they’re all getting used to being vulnerable with one another.

‘I absolutely don’t mind-’ Then she stops herself. The last thing Kitty needs is another person ignoring what she wants. ‘-but if you’d rather, I could wait and show you how to do it yourself?’

Kitty nods acquiescence, smiling shyly, and Cathy smiles back. She feels a flicker of pride- she might not have reacted exactly as Jane would have (she’s sure Jane’s method wouldn’t have involved calling anyone a bitch)...but she’s managed to make Kitty smile.

That’s enough for now.

‘Then that’s what we’ll do.’

Kitty’s flushed from the heat of the bath when she joins Cathy downstairs, clutching a small bundle, and her eyes are still a bit swollen but she looks more like herself.

She takes the painkillers that Cathy’s laid out for her gratefully, and listens attentively as Cathy explains the science behind cold rather than hot water and how long to let things soak before they can go into the machine.

When she’s finished putting the stained clothes to soak, they both stand awkwardly for a second. Cathy wonders if it’s her cue to leave- should she leave Kitty alone now? Has she had enough of her? Will they both disappear to separate rooms and go back to smiling rather than talking?

The thought makes her feel oddly lonely.

Kitty breaks the silence first.

‘So...I’ve probably taken up enough of your day now-’ She keeps her eyes on her bare feet and so Cathy finds herself looking at the floor too- the pink polish that Cathy remembers Anne applying the week before on the white living room rug has chipped a bit and it’s suddenly much, much more important than looking at Kitty’s face.

‘No-’

‘You’ve probably got things you wanted to do-’

‘Well-’ She’s about to agree and back off like she usually does, letting Kitty be free of her like she probably hopes she will…. But then, she decides to be brave. There’s a chance, after all, that Kitty is only saying that to give Cathy herself an out- She can almost hear Catalina’s voice in her head: You have to give people a chance, mija.

‘I was going to watch tv for a bit…’

Kitty bites her lip. ‘Oh- well, have fun-’

She can’t believe Kitty’s actually making her say it- she wants to complain that it isn’t fair. You can’t have two socially awkward people in one conversation- nothing gets done!

Still- it occurs to her that she’s actually been dealing rather well with things up until now, evidence being that Kitty’s no longer crying and doesn’t seem to be in pain anymore (although she supposes that’s more to the credit of the painkillers than to her).

Still- the point is, she’s done ok. Maybe she can carry on doing ok?

She takes a quick breath, already steeling herself for Kitty to turn her down.

What if she doesn’t actually want to, what if she feels like she has to say yes out of pity?

‘Do you want to watch with me?’

Kitty hesitates.

‘It’s ok if you don’t want to-’

For a second, she can almost hear Kitty doing the same internal pep talk Cathy has just given herself- and then she smiles widely.

‘I’d like to, if you’re sure you don’t mind?’

‘Of course not!’

They’re settling themselves onto the living room sofa (for once, being able to do so without having to negotiate for space with at least two other people as is usually the case) when Kitty’s hand finds Cathy’s and squeezes it.

‘Thank you. For being so nice.’

It’s not exactly poetry, but Cathy can’t stop herself from smiling.

‘Thank you….for letting me help.’

Kitty smiles awkwardly and Cathy grabs the remote from the floor. ‘So. What do you feel like watching?’

They flick through a few channels until Kitty squeaks in excitement at a show which apparently involves cross women choosing wedding dresses.

(Cathy privately thinks this sounds like a stupid idea of a program but decides she’ll go along with it. For Kitty’s sake.)

(An hour later, she realises how hubristically, foolishly wrong she was ever to doubt the genius of such a show and makes a mental note to ask why no one told her that it existed before.)

Beside her, Kitty laughs at her interest and then winces again.

‘You like it! You- ow Ow!’

‘Oh you poor thing- is it bad?’

Kitty whimpers, clutching at the hem of Cathy’s flannel shirt in one hand. ‘I thought it had stopped- the cramps, I mean-’

Cathy shakes her head ruefully. ‘They do trick you like that… it’s a bit too soon for you to take anything else but I have an idea-’

‘Like what?’

She smiles. ‘Wait and see.’

She’s not sure if it’s the hot water bottle or the mug of hot chocolate, topped with a small mountain of whipped cream and studded with chocolate drops, that makes the difference, but after a couple of minutes, Kitty relaxes again and unfolds from the curled up position she’d assumed.

Somehow, her head has ended up in Cathy’s lap, but she doesn’t move.

And Cathy, playing with the bright pink tips of her ponytail, finds she doesn’t mind either (she wonders if one can get the same endorphins from stroking Kitty’s hair as one does from stroking an actual cat.)

‘Better?’

‘Mm-hmm.’

‘Good.’

‘Cathy?’

‘Yes?’

Kitty twists around and sits up a bit.

‘You know….if you ever need anything…?’

‘Yes?’

‘.....you know, you can come to me….right? I’d help, if I could.’

She actually thinks Kitty means it.

‘I know.’

She resumes her petting of Kitty’s hair, who lays her head back down and sighs contentedly.

‘Cathy?’

‘Hmm?’

‘This is really nice.’

‘.....it is.’ It is. It really, really is.

‘Can we...maybe do this again some time? If- if you wanted to?’

Her heart leaps but she keeps it under wraps.

‘Sure Kitty.’

(Still, she can’t stop herself smiling.)

#six #six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #sixfic

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ravnicaforgoblins · 4 years

Photo

Ravnica for Goblins

8 Interesting Places

Welcome back to another look at the sprawling chaotic cityscape that is Ravnica! Are you tired of the usual taverns and back alleyways common to all D&D campaigns? Are there buildings and locations a normal city would have that just seem to be missing from the limited maps available in the GGtR? Do you not have time to scour through Ravnican lore on a Wiki? Well fret no more! Here today we have 8 interesting, exciting, and possibly extremely dangerous locations for your Ravnica campaign! As with most lore in this campaign setting transferred over from a trading card game, details are very scarce about these locations; where they are, what goes on there, what they look like, etc. You’re going to be filling in the holes with your own details. As you’re probably getting used to doing by now, when in doubt, make sh*t up.

#1 Udzec Maximum Security Prison

This is the Big House. You don’t end up here for a drunken brawl at the bar, kicking an Azorius Lawmage in the nuts, or being exposed as a Dimir operative in the Orzhov Syndicate. This is where the Azorius put away individuals who have proven themselves to be serious threats to Ravnican society. Such acts range from smashing up Tin Street to disintegrating an entire building to threatening the existence of the entire city of Ravnica!

Udzec is located in the Second Precinct of the 10th District (aka, the map you have to work from). Most of the Second Precinct is firmly Azorius territory. Their Guildhall is there, their offices, their courts, their prisons, their officers and officials. To this degree, the greatest defense measure for Udzec is the fact that breaking out of the prison itself doesn’t mean anything if you can’t get out of the whole precinct before every available Azorius arrester is on you.

#2 The Moon Market

Held only once in every 5 full moons, the pretty obviously named “Moon Market” is the mecca of forbidden wares and contraband. Anything guaranteed to get you arrested for possession of will be in there, as well as other potential buyers who, by the very fact that they are in this blackest of Black Markets, should not be messed with. This is where the nastiest, scariest, and most dangerous individuals come to shop. Rakdos Blood Witches, Golgari Lich Lords, Dimir Assassins, Orzhov Tithe Drinkers, and unaffiliated psychopaths just trying to make the voices happy. Good news, you don’t have to worry about law enforcement here! Bad news, anyone here may try to kill you and your body would never be found.

The market is held in the Sixth Precinct, run predominantly by the Orzhov and the Golgari. It’s a safe bet that half the population here is undead, making wandering around the precinct at night at best a death wish and at worst an undeath wish. This means anyone in your group who is a cleric, paladin, or specializes against undead should stay home. They are not welcome in this market and the very act of showing up is likely enough to cause a TPK.

That said, if you need to find something or someone extremely dangerous, this market is, ironically, a safe bet. And if you don’t find the exact evil you’re looking for, you’ll certainly find others.

#3 Duskmantle

There are two Duskmantles. Like with many Ravnican Guildhalls, the old one has fallen into disrepair and become lost to the passage of time. The original Duskmantle was founded by the Dimir Parun, Szadek, and was among the most well-kept secrets in Ravnica throughout his reign. It is now an even more well-kept secret, being forgotten by all, except perhaps Lazav, the current Dimir Guildmaster. While the Dimir are not the type to be swayed by such things as “nostalgia”, “sentimentality”, or “great history”, they are the type to value information no one else knows. Whose to say what might remain in this former headquarters of espionage and scheming? If you wanted to hide something, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better spot than a hidden underground fortress that literally erases your memories of it when you leave.

As to where it resides, that’s anyone’s guess. The Undercity is as big as (and in some cases even bigger than) the sprawling cityscape on the surface. Compounding this is the fact that the whole Undercity is effectively a deadly labyrinth that even citizens who spend their entire lives (or afterlives) residing in will never fully master. I suppose one could ask Lazav, but several things would need to happen first:

1. Find Lazav, who is specifically designed never to be found unless he wants to be.

2. Confront the ultimate spymaster without him escaping or killing you.

3. Convince an individual who is immune to being charmed, frightened, or scryed to give you one of his most cherished(?) secrets.

4. Trust the word of someone who is incapable of being caught in a lie.

5. Traverse the Undercity’s darkest, most dangerous passages and find one of the most heavily-warded constructions in history.

6. Leave with all the memories you entered with.

So yeah, if you’ve already done six impossible things today, why not take a trip to a gloomy underground cathedral for some treasure hunting?

#4 Catacombs of the Obzedat

Within Orzhova, the opulent Guildhall of the Orzhov Syndicate, there are bejeweled catacombs wherein past & present members of the Ghost Council are interred alongside the wealth and riches they accumulated in their lives. This is where the oldest records and dealings made by the Syndicate are kept, hidden away from all but the Guildmasters. This is the heart of Orzhov power. But even beyond the riches, something even more valuable also exists.

Ancient magic predating even the Guildpact lies within these walls, making it one of the only locations on the plane where the magically binding laws hold no sway. There really is no understating the value of such a place. In a city where the laws are the single most powerful magic in existence, immunity to such magic has value beyond measure. This room is one of the biggest secrets in all of Ravnica.

No matter what sort of campaign or story you’re running, this place is a game-changer. Whether a party is intending to rob it for treasure, use it for acts that break Guildpact laws, break free from an ancient debt, borrow some of its power to take elsewhere, hit the scheming Orzhov where it hurts, or have a climactic showdown without outside interference; this is the place to do it. Getting there is the hard part, and getting out again almost impossible if you raise alarms, but there’s no denying the possible rewards if you succeed.

#5 The Jester’s Crypt

Depending on where one lives, one can occasionally forget that a 30-foot-tall Giant Demon Lord of Chaos roams the streets. Under normal circumstances, this would be cause for great alarm in citizens. However, this is Ravnica, and a living embodiment of mayhem & hedonism is not the worst thing you have to deal with on a regular basis. Odds are you have more to fear from your tax collector than Rakdos the Defiler. The Demon Guildmaster of the cult named for him does whatever he wants, and if nothing going on in the city interests him, he may well stay in his lava pit for months or even years at a time, just sleeping.

Having the demon lord’s attention can be a blessing and a curse. Having his ire, however, is pretty much the worst fate one can suffer on Ravnica. Rakdos does not tolerate anyone stealing his spotlight. If you are the poor soul who does thus, he brings you to the Jester’s Crypt to torture you forever. There are no appeals, no one is coming to rescue you, and the only people you will ever see again are similar individuals to be tortured....and Rakdos himself. It’s a door everyone knows but no one ever asks what’s inside. To do so invites suffering beyond measure.

If you are a player, you do not want to ever see this place. If someone you love/care about is sent here, any rescue is going to take preparation out the wazoo. If you’re looking for a breeding ground for tortured souls and individuals capable of challenging Rakdos the Showstopper, there’s no better place to pull one out of. It’s basically a Big Bad breeding ground for demons and malcontents. Considering the spectrum of sins to get one sentenced here ranges from talking sh*t about Rakdos when you don’t think he can hear, to openly challenging him to a deathmatch for control of the Guild, you can conceivably pull NPCs of any & every CR rating from out of here.

#6 The Red Wastes

The Rubblebelt is Gruul territory that makes up the borders around the entire city. Most of it is composed of broken buildings, smashed pavement, and, predictably, rubble. Beyond the Rubblebelt, however, lie the Red Wastes. These are the true untamed wilds of Ravnica, the last in existence. Meaning this is where the beasties too big for the Gruul to wrangle would roam. Wurms, hydras, elementals, and any other giant monsters one can have in a D&D campaign. Out here there is no law, no Guilds, no backup, no nothing. Forest, desert, grasslands, maybe even some tundra; but that’s it.

If your party needs a break from the city or needs to go hunting for rare animals/plants, this is the place they’d go. Pure, undiscovered wilderness savage enough to withstand any attempts at colonizing for over 10,000 years. Anything could be out here.

#7 The Overgrown Tomb

Deep in the Undercity, sparingly touched by rare beams of outside light, lies the lair of Vraska the Unseen. What may have once been a fountain in a plaza is now an underground mausoleum covered in moss and the petrified remains of Vraska’s victims. Given Vraska can range from an urban legend told around campfires to the deadliest assassin in Ravnica or even the Golgari Guildmaster, this, her most private of secret lairs, is one of the most well-kept secrets in all of Ravnica (lot of those, aren’t there?)

If you’ve found the Overgrown Tomb, Vraska will be seeing you shortly. If she’s in the tomb already, prepare for high tension and a strong possibility of certain death and/or petrification. If she isn’t, that’s possibly worse. Anything stolen from her lair will guarantee you a spot on her “Everyone Should Die the Death They Deserve” List. Odds are, if you stole something, she’ll steal an organ or two in return. Which means either you stay awake for the next month straight and die from exhaustion waiting for her to slither out of the shadows to murder you, or you wait around for her and try to appeal to the better nature of a Gorgon Pirate Assassin Planeswalker to hear you out and not kill you on the spot for invading her lair. If your campaign involves eliminating Vraska, this is likely where the final battle will take place. Plus side, there’s nowhere for the assassin to run, which is what assassins typically try to do. Minus side, you are fighting the deadliest individual in Ravnica in her home.

Regardless of the circumstances that might lead one to the Overgrown Tomb, this is one of the coolest places to see from a player perspective. From a character perspective, it’s one of the most terrifying places to be.

#8 The Implicit Maze

Central to The Dragon’s Maze TCG set from Magic the Gathering’s sequel release to Ravnica is the Implicit Maze, aka the Dragon’s Maze, aka Azor’s Labyrinth, aka the Ravnican Mega Dungeon. The Implicit Maze was designed by the Azorius Parun Azor I, a Sphinx, in the unlikely event the Guildpact was ever broken. Like it was. The maze itself winds and navigates its way through the territory of every Guild, hitting each of the wonderfully drawn Guildgates whose art you can post for your players to admire. It goes underground, above ground, through markets, up buildings, and in & out of the entire city. In short, it goes everywhere.

Given the size of the city and therefore the size of any puzzle path snaking its way throughout, the Implicit Maze is truly gargantuan. One could feasibly set an entire campaign around just navigating it. As far as the actual design of the maze/dungeon, there is none, or at least none that’s been released thus far. Which means one can either design their own labyrinth, or find a maze generator, or even steal layouts from other D&D modules/campaigns and just replace with Ravnican NPCs and features. Whatever floats your boat.

If you need a dungeon or even a mega dungeon, this is it. Plus, it’s designed by a Sphinx, who are notorious for being way too smart for anyone’s good (even their own), so it could conceivably have or do anything. It can be whatever sort of puzzle you need for whatever sort of character is tackling it. After all, every Guild’s champion navigated it successfully, from the brilliant mental magic planeswalker Jace Beleren to Ruric Thar the two-headed giant who negotiates corrupt authorities by smashing them with a big club.

#ravnica for goblins #ravnica #interesting places #d&d #dnd #dnd 5e #d&d 5e

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maidenofsophia · 5 years

Text

Kala / Hiatus

I feel like a bad Filianist at the moment because I really haven’t had time to take a moment and pause to meditate on the Daughter’s sacrifice. Or do any sort of veiling or ritual for Kala.

But that’s because I’ve been labelled a Key Worker and I’m one of the few people in my country still going to work.

I’m not gonna lie, this is one of the scariest things I’ve lived through. And it’s not so much to do with fear of catching the virus. I’m extremely low risk but am taking as much precautions as I can not to catch and/or spread it. This is really difficult as Spring is starting and my allergies are already sprouting up meaning I get quite bad coughs as it is. Add onto that my anxiety and how stressful work is at the moment, where not only am I having to put in triple effort to cover more panic buying customers and colleagues who are self-isolating because they are high risk, but I also have to make sure every time I go into work my own family has what they need that I can luckily grab from work while not abusing the stock-piling limit. There’s an elderly woman who lives next door to us and I’ve agreed to bring her what little I can too as she can’t leave and her family isn’t that local.

And, for all I moan about it, I do low key enjoy my job, but a lot of that is down to one colleague who is also one of my best friends - she has asthma and is having to take a fortnight off to self-isolate, meaning I won’t have her banter to help me get through and I can’t even hang out with her for a while.

It’s...a lot. And I’m just trying my best. I like to think that’s what most, if not all of us, can do right now until this all passes.

All I can offer Our Lady at this time really is to just keep helping support my local community and not let the anxiety crush me. I welcome strength and salvation from the Mother to bring Her light even when everything is at its most bleak.

I wish I could spend the weekend celebrating Eastre but, again, I’ll be working, so it will have to be combined with Mothering Sunday (UK Mother’s Day).

Anyway, I’ll leave off with wishing everyone well and to remind you all that the Holy Daughter is not truly ‘dead’ - Déa Herself can never die - just as the Mother did not die with Her child. Déa is alive, She is with us, and will lift us up from our darkest hour.

I’ll leave you with the words of Our Lady, from the chapter ‘The Mantle’.

You that are weary with the world, you that are lonely, you that have suffered hardship, that have suffered hurt, come, gather about Me and be you enfolded in My mantle. In the inner silence you shall hear Me, and in the inner darkness shall you see Me. And the future shall be better than the past. Come, seek protection in My mantle, for I have turned no creature from Me; be you sheltered in the folds of My garment.

For the ills of the world shall pass away, even as the terrors of the night.

And the dawn shall be bright with splendour and sweet with the singing of the blessed souls.

And I shall be your comfort in the darkness.

#filianism #déanism #mother god #holy daughter #moura #kala #hiatus

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peaceisadirtyword · 6 years

Text

Don’t play with fire I (Modern! Ivar/Reader)

A/N: It took me some days to finish this! I’m so excited about this series😍 I'm enjoying planning and writing it a lot! Thank you for all the nice comments and messages. Enjoy!💕

Warnings: this is the darkest thing I've ever written, there’s a bit of smut, there’s guns involved, toxic relationship, a bit of violence too. Don’t read if you’re under 18!

Words: 2571

gif belongs to @youngbloodnow

Hvitserk was tall, taller than Erik. He intimidated you more than the big guys your boyfriend was always in company of.

The Lothbroks were five brothers, Ivar being the youngest. One of them had died not so long ago on an accident... Or that was what everyone said, Erik told you that Ivar killed him, proclaiming himself the leader of his... Business? Gang? Club? Whatever the fuck was that group of his.

Ivar is the scariest of all of them. A lot of people fear Björn more, as he's bigger, but they are fools. Ivar is the smartest, the cruelest... He's always two steps before you.

Yeah, you had to try and fool the smartest guy in the city.

Hvitserk didn't seem too cruel. Maybe scary, with his height and his dark glare, but he had a special bright on his eyes, which made him look nicer and trustable.

Or maybe he was just fooling you.

As soon as you entered the VIP room, after the big guys at the door moved to hide you from the eyes of the people on the dance floor, Hvitserk stopped next to you, smiling softly before grabbing your arm, forcing you to walk before him. You were going to ask what the fuck was he doing when you felt it.

The cold, hard metal of a gun pressed against the bare skin of your back. You shivered, gulping loudly and trying to control your breathing.

"Shh" Hvitserk smirked against your ear "I'm so sorry, love, it's just in case... Just don't do anything stupid and I won't hurt you, okay? Come on, I'll take you to my brother"

There was a bunch of people at the back of the room. Most of them were girls, sipping on cocktails with expensive dresses on. There were some men, too. You recognized Ubbe Lothbrok from the photos Erik showed you, smiling to a blonde who was doing a lap dance for him. Next to him, there was another couple who looked like they needed to find a room soon.

The first thing you saw of Ivar were his eyes.

His piercing, cold blue eyes were fixed on you before you even looked his way. He was sitting on a separate couch from his older brother, and he looked bored even though there were some girls trying to get his attention.

"At least this one is pretty" he said, looking at his brother over your shoulder. You felt Hvitserk smirk behind you and Ivar's eyes traveled down your body, making you regret instantly your choice on clothes for that night.

You didn't really go out that much, as you didn't have free time with your work and studies, so you didn't really have a lot of outfits to go partying, but the crop top that exposed almost your entire back and your waist and the skinny black jeans weren't the best choice.

"Look, guys, Hvitserk managed to find a girl that is pretty and actually wants to be with him" Ubbe laughed, caressing the blonde's hips as she smiled at his joke, sitting on his lap.

"I wouldn't be so sure" Ivar scoffed, his eyes brightened with malice "He had to threaten her to come here"

You had almost forgotten about the gun that Hvitserk still had pressed against your back.

"Shut up, Ivar" Hvitserk chuckled "This lovely thing wanted to come here, she says she has something to tell you"

Ivar smirked, tilting his head and looking back at you.

He was handsome. His face was beautiful, with his amazing blue eyes contrasted with his dark hair. His pouty lips and big eyes made him look angelical.

The photos Erik showed you didn't make him justice.

"Is she mute?" Ivar raised an eyebrow, and some of the men sitting in the room laughed.

You blushed and cleared your throat, realizing you had been staring. Hvitserk pressed the gun even more against you.

"Come on, doll, tell my brother what you wanted to tell me"

"I..." you licked your lips "I have information"

You were almost shaking, with your heart beating faster and faster.

"What kind of information?" Ivar was starting to lose his patience. He sighed, rolling his eyes. He was sick of people coming over and making up stories to catch his attention. Everyone wanted to be on his good side, but usually those who tried ended up dead.

"About Aethelwulf"

"Are you going to tell me something interesting or are you going to stand there, cowering like a fucking chicken?"

"He's gonna try and attack you tomorrow" you said quickly "When you're reunited with... Heahmund" you wrinkled your nose trying to remember the name "It's an ambush"

Ivar's eyes immediately looked at you.

Before you could even blink, he got up.

He was as taller as Hvitserk, even though he was younger. He stood up with some difficulties, and grabbed a crutch before he approached you.

You tried to escape Hvitserk's grip so you could move away from him. He made you nervous only by approaching you.

"Shhh" Hvitserk hushed you, tightening his grip on your arm.

Oh my god he's even hotter when he's standing.

You knew Ivar had a disease, a problem with his bones. Erik told you everyone underestimated him because of that.

Don't let that fool you.

Bringing his face closer to yours, he looked at you intensely. With Hvitserk behind you and Ivar just in front of you you felt like a small rabbit being cornered by hungry wolves.

"What's your name?" he asked, his tone hard and cold.

"Y/N" you immediately answered, mesmerized by his beautiful blue eyes "Y/N Y/L/N"

You stupid girl

You have to tell him a fake name, Y/N, or he will manage to find out everything about you.

Great.

You just condemned yourself.

"Y/N" Ivar licked his lips, smiling softly. His fingers caressed your cheek, making you flinch "Lovely name, now tell me Y/N, how do you know about this?"

"I..."

"Who did you fuck to get that information, doll?"

You wanted to play the poor, defenseless girl that was scared and shy, but Hvitserk's comment infuriated you.

"I didn't fuck anyone" you glared at him, trying to escape his grip. Oh, if you just could free yourself and punch him in that smirking face of his...

"So you want me to believe" Ivar was even closer to you "That you know Heahmund's gonna betray me tomorrow and you won't tell me your sources"

"I don't have any sources" you insisted "I just heard them talking about it"

"Yes, of course" he laughed "Are you listening, guys? She heard them"

"Alfred, his second son, has come a few times into the cafeteria I work in, I heard him talking to someone on the phone"

"So now you say that Alfred is stupid enough to tell his plans in front of you"

"It's what I heard" you pressed your lips together. He was trying to make fun of you, and that infuriated you.

"Hvitserk"

For a moment, you thought he was going to shot you. You even flinched and waited for it.

Instead, Hvitserk let you go, and you sighed in relief, relaxing immediately.

"You know the best part, love?" Hvitserk chuckled as he moved to the couch, where some girls waited for him smiling eagerly "It wasn't even loaded" he throw the gun to the floor.

You tried to move and punch him on his face so hard that he wouldn't want to smile in months, but Ivar kept you in your place by putting his own gun on your neck.

"This one, though" he muttered, while you stepped back in fear "It's fully loaded and you're getting on my nerves... Do you know what happens when someone gets on my nerves, huh? Did my dear brother tell you?"

You heard a click and you whimpered in fear.

They won't hurt you.

Erik had promised you... You'd be fine.

"Ivar" Ubbe placed a hand on his brother's shoulder "If you scare her she won't tell us anything"

"She's probably lying, Ubbe" Ivar rolled his eyes "Maybe she's Aethelwulf's spy, are you a spy, Y/N?"

"No" you bit your lip, still avoiding his gaze.

"Any spy would say that"

"Ivar" Ubbe repeated "Let her speak, without a gun pointing to her, and you might get the answers you want"

Ivar sighed, annoyed by his older brother's condescending tone, but he put the gun away.

You panted, and immediately your hand went to your neck, still feeling the cold metal against your soft skin.

"I'm just telling you what I heard" you muttered, your voice broken and shaking "And I hate the Saxons as much as you do" you looked at him in the eyes, hoping your nerves and fear wouldn't betray you "Why would I lie to you?"

"And why would you tell me the truth?"

"I just told you, I have my reasons to hate the Saxons as much as you, so I'm telling you because I want to see them dead, and I know you're the only one who can destroy them"

Next to Ivar, Ubbe nodded.

"Ivar, let's just trust her, okay? We can go and meet Heahmund with more men and be prepared just in case it is an ambush..."

"And if it's not" Hvitserk was now busy with a brunette girl on his lap, but he still paid attention to the conversation "Then we can punish her"

Ivar didn't seem very convinced by his brothers' words, but he shrugged.

"You better not be lying, love, or it will be the last thing you do" he told you, his intense eyes fixed on yours.

"I am not" you looked back at him. If he thought you were gonna start crying and begging for your life, he was wrong. You could be scared, but you wouldn't show it.

Ivar chuckled, shaking his head.

"You can go now, we will meet each other again very soon..."

You glared at him once more and turned around, getting away from them. Ivar's eyes were fixed on you until you disappeared through the door.

Erik's house was far away from the nightclub, and you had to take a cab and walk for a good twenty minutes before arriving at the small apartment he shared with two friends.

He was nervous when he opened the door, and avoided your kiss, asking immediately about your "mission".

"I think he believed me"

"Well, you're alive so... I suppose he did"

You pressed your lips together. You had been on a very dangerous zone that night, and Erik knew it.

And he still made you go alone.

"I think I messed up... I told him my name"

Erik's face scared you. Was it that bad?

"God why are you so stupid, Y/N?" he sighed, running his hands through his blonde hair "I told you to tell him a fake name!"

"I know! I'm sorry" you bit your lip "I was really nervous, and he was very intimidating... Sorry, Erik I promise it wasn't my intention... He won't hear about you"

"He better doesn't" he punched the wall next to you, startling you and making you flinch "If he hears about me I'm fucked, Y/N, and you're too"

"He won't, Erik, I promise" you bit your lip, frowning in worry "Please, don't be mad..."

"You better not fuck it up next time, Y/N" he clenched his jaw "I trusted you, show me you're useful"

You hugged yourself, fighting with the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes. You did the best you could, got pointed by a gun twice, and now the biggest criminal in the country knew your name and probably your address by then, and now Erik scolded you for making a mistake.

"Sorry" you looked away, and Erik scoffed.

"Well, at least he believed you"

"Yeah, he did"

How could you not even flinch while standing face to face with a dangerous criminal and then lower your head before your boyfriend?

"Thanks for doing this for me" Erik's face softened "I love you, you know that, right?"

You smiled at him, letting him hug you tightly.

"I love you too"

"Of course you do..." he kissed you harshly "Let's go to bed, to see you in this outfit... You're so hot baby"

"Erik" you tried to get away from him "I'm not in the mood... I'd like to sleep now, I'm tired"

"Come on baby... You made me so hard, now you have to take care of it"

His hand grabbed your ass, biting at your neck while he pushed you to his room.

You sat on the bed, while he undressed himself, his breathing was heavy and he looked accelerated.

"Erik... Did you take drugs again?"

He hummed, but didn't answer you immediately.

"Don't worry about it baby" he pushed you down so you would lay down on the bed, taking off your trousers and panties. You didn't even have time to react when he spread your legs and got between them, thrusting into you immediately.

You weren't wet enough, and it made you moan in pain as he started moving roughly inside you.

"Look at you baby... You're so hot... I bet Lothbrok eye-fucked you... He'd give anything to have you, I'm sure he would love to fuck you, wouldn't he? Fucking loser"

"Stop talking about him" you moaned, squirming under him, trying to relive some pain.

"He can have as many men as he wants, and be as powerful as he wants, but he will never have something like this, he will never have you" he ignored you, grunting as he thrusted into you.

"I'm a person, Erik, not a possession" you frowned.

"Fucking cripple" he punched the bed without stopping his movements, making you flinch again "I'm going to enjoy killing him"

Ivar took a puff from his cigarette, his eyes fixed on the dirty floor of the club and ignoring his brother Hvitserk, who was fucking a brunette girl on a couch near to his.

There was another girl who had been trying to get his attention the whole night. It was annoying. The girl was pretty, but he wasn't thinking about girls in that moment.

Heahmund betrayed him. The girl wasn't lying, he had seen the fear on her eyes. If she was lying, she was a really good actress.

The girl... What was her name? Oh, yeah, Y/N.

He sighed, taking out his phone and unlocking it, writing a quick message.

Y/N Y/L/N, I want her address, her age, studies, workplace and family members. Soon.

He sent the message, locking his phone again and rolling his eyes. The girl wouldn't give up soon.

Grunting in annoyance, he turned around to look at the girl, and immediately grabbed her neck, crashing his lips against hers. She yelped in surprise, but kissed him back as her hand caressed his leg softly.

Soon, she straddled his waist, moving her hips against his cock, Ivar didn't even bother to see if someone was paying attention before freeing his cock and entering the girl, who moved on top of him, moaning loudly.

As he growled, feeling the girl's walls clenching around him, he couldn't help but remember the pretty face and beautiful curves of that girl, who was scared but smart enough not to show it.

Tags: @mblaqgi @alicedopey @lol-haha-joke @hallowed-heathen @ivarslittlebadgirl @naaladareia @tephi101 @captstefanbrandt @love-hate-love @titty-teetee @thisisparadisemylove @readsalot73 @moondustmemories @thevikingsheaux @therealcalicali @chimera4plums @blushingskywalker @awkwardfangirl02 @gruffle1 @poisonous00 @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly @kalonthecat @nataliehasgrace

#ivar imagine #vikings #vikings imagine #modern ivar #modern vikings #ivar smut

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aproblematicpanda · 4 years

Note

Harry Potter? For the in-depth fandom ask

Hi thank you! ♥ I will use the books for my answers, since I didn’t really like most of the movies. I apologize if I mix up some of the characters, I’ve only read the books in my native language so I will have to google for some of the names in English. :’D

Top 5 favorite characters: Minerva McGonagall, Luna Lovegood, Fred & George Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Ginny Weasley. Other characters you like: The golden trio obviously, Molly, Dobby, Draco Malfoy, ... There are not a lot of characters I dislike. Least favourite characters: Umbridge, for obvious reasons. Otps: Hermione and Ron. Notps: I don’t think I have any? I’m not very invested in shipping when it comes to the HP fandom, I pretty much keep an open mind to everything? Except incest but I’ve never seen anyone ship anything like that, so. Favourite friendships: Harry, Ron and Hermione, obviously, and I also really liked Fren, George and Lee, and Lavender and Parvati. Favourite family: The Weasleys Favourite episodes: / Favourite book: Prisoner of Azkaban is probably my favorite book. Favourite quotes: "If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." "But you know, happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." "Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier and could have sworn he heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth, 'It unscrews the other way.’" "There is no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor." And probably more. The books have so many amazing scenes, funny, inspirational, sad, hopeful, ... It was really hard to pick just a few. Best musical moment: / Moment that made you fangirl the hardest: Ehh... I mean, obviously I was rooting for Harry and the ending was a satisfying one, just like every other time Harry beat Voldemort, but the moment that made me fangirl the hardest would probably be Hermione punching Draco in the face. xD When it really disappointed you: The only truly disappointing thing about the book is how House-Elves are treated. Other than that, the only time I’m disappoint is literally every time JK Rowling decides it’s a good idea to open her mouth. Saddest moment: The moment Harry breaks down in Dumbledore’s chambers after Sirius dies gives me chills every. damn. time I reread the book. Most well done character death: Oh god, this is so hard because most of the deaths really hit me hard Favourite guest star: / Favourite cast member: / Character you wish was still alive: Honestly? Probably Hedwig. Maybe Fred. One thing you hope really happens: That JK Rowling’s Twitter account is banned so she doesn’t have a damn platform anymore. Most shocking twist: When did you start reading: I think the first three books were already out when I started to read them. My classmates kept telling me to do it and I was in that annoying phase where I refused to dive into anything that was this massively popular - but I’m glad I eventually caved because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have grown up in this fandom and that means I would’ve had an entirely different experience. Now I can still say I grew up with the books and I’m glad I did. Best animal/creature: I’m a gigantic sucker for unicorns and I’m not sorry about it. xD Favourite location: I mean, Hogwarts is amazing, the descriptions of the castle never get old. Trope you wish they would stop using: Ehh... I honestly don’t know? One thing this book does better than others: I love how this show has such an inspired, dedicated, creative fanbase. The amount of HP related art, fanfiction, headcanons, ... out there is mindblowing. I’ve never quite seen that happen in any other fandom and it’s part of why I love this one as much as I do. Like how people can take a character that’s mentioned maybe a couple of times in the books and they create so much content for them to the point where I’ve actively had to stop myself from writing an answer to this questions because the answer isn’t canon, that’s admirable. Funniest moments: Fred and George wrecking havoc on Umbridge and finally leaving the castle after they get caught is without a doubt the funniest scene I can think of. Couple you would like to see: Like I said, I was never really into shipping anyone with anyone. I enjoy quite a lot of fanon ships I see on Tumblr, though. Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: / Favourite outfit: Every outfit I can think of is influenced by the movies so I don’t really have an answer to this. I would’ve loved to see Hermione’s dress to the Yule Ball, though, and the Patil sisters’. Oh, and Fleur’s wedding dress. Favourite item: The Marauder’s map. Do you own anything related to this show: No. What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in: I’m a Slytherin. Most boring plotline: I can’t think of anything. The passage that bores me the most is the one where the Minister of Magic meets the Muggle Prime Minister but that’s not a plotline. I guess everything is just so well thought of, everything that’s in the books in there for a reason and I wouldn’t cut anything out of it. Most laughably bad moment: As much as I dislike JK Rowling, she wrote seven brilliant books. I can’t think of a bad moment. There are plot holes, sure, and things that really fucking bug me, but no laughably bad moments. At least, not any that I can think of right now. The fact that she gave Cho Chang two last names as a name is a bad moment, though - but it’s not laughably. It’s just more proof that JK Rowling is a terrible person. Best flashback/flashfoward if any: The memories Snape shows to Harry, and the ones they both get to see of each other during their Occlumency lessons. Most layered character: I love the character development Ron goes through. Most one dimensional character: Ehh. There were a lot of important characters so it makes sense that not all of them got the layers they deserved. Right now nobody who’s relevant to the plot comes to mind as an answer? Scariest moment: Well, when Harry and Dumbledore came back from finding the fake Horcrux, that had me scared. Not for their lives (because it was obvious that Harry would live and Dumbledore would die) but because it felt like all of Dumbledore’s plans would be ruined so that’d probably be the scariest moment for me? Grossest moment: Ehh... I would probably throw up if I had witnessed Nagini sliding out of Bathilda’s dead body so I’m gonna go with that one, that must’ve been horrifying for Harry, especially because he spares Hermione the details. Best looking male: Well the books name Cedric Diggory as the most attractive one, so... Let’s go with that one then? Best looking female: Fleur and Ginny Who you’re crushing on (if any): I would probably be all over Ginny if I had gone to Hogwarts. Favourite cast moment: / Favourite transportation: A Thestral! Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): I really love the descriptions of Hogwarts. Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: Oh god, so. many. Off the top of my head, here we go. 1. The carriages that bring the students back to the train station are mentioned specifically at the end of the fourth book and yet Harry can’t see the Thestrals until the beginning of the fifth book. 2. In what world are the Weasleys poor? Hermione specifically mentions in the seventh book that you can increase the quantity of food and Harry gets more wine for Slughorn and Hagrid with a spell in the sixth book, so no wizard or witch would have to spend any money on food, ever. And like with clothes and books and everything, why buy multiple ones? Just buy one and then duplicate it like when Hermione did it with the medallion? 3. Harry randomly remembering the phone number to get into the Ministry of Magic after almost an entire year, having heard them once: please. I started rereading the fifth book like two months ago for the gazillionth time and I already don’t remember them anymore. 4. Supposedly there’s a curse on the position as the DADA professor ever since Voldemort asked for the job, so there’s a new teacher every year, but Professor Quirrel is introduced in a way that makes it seem as if he has been teaching there for quite a while and other students (like Fred and George) treat him as such - seems to me like the curse was only activated with Harry coming to Hogwarts but that’s not what’s canon. 5. Voldemort conveniently waiting for the end of the school year each year to make his move. 6. The school year somehow always starts on a Monday and the Hogwarts express always leaves on September 1 which would mean that September 1 was a Sunday for seven years in a row. 7. Why, WHY, would they use feathers and parchment? What the hell is wrong with pen and paper? Or things like torches, when electricity has been a thing since forever? And the same goes for using owls to send letters, or the memos that are used in the Ministry of Magic: just text or e-mail, dudes. One sloppy ‘this doesn’t work here because there’s too much magic in the air’ just doesn’t cut it for me, especially because Harry does wear a watch, for instance. I probably have more but this is all I can come up with right now. xD Best promo: My childhood best friend bugging me about the books until I finally caved and started to read them. xD At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: Literally the first chapter.

Send me a show/fandom and I’ll answer

#hp #ask

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popwasabi · 5 years

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Remembering My Hero, Robin Williams, Five Years Later

Not terribly long ago I used to deride others for feeling sad in the wake of a famous celebrity’s death.

My argument would go something like in the grand scheme of things their deaths “didn’t matter” when compared to various other atrocities and terrible, tragic things going on in the world. I even wrote an entire opinion piece poo-pooing the general populace for being sad in the wake of Whitney Houston’s death waaay back in 2012 for my University paper back in the day all largely because since I didn’t feel anything no one else should essentially.

Then Robin Williams died.

Well, more accurately Robin Williams committed suicide then everything changed for me.

To this day, I can’t recall a single death that has affected or beat me down more than this famous, larger than life comedian’s all too early passing and it still eats me up every time I think about it even five years later. You see, Robin was something of a hero of mine, an uber talented and charismatic funny man who seemed to perform his comedy with the kinetic energy of a hurricane and his humor often brightened my darkest moments growing up.

For him to die the way he did was beyond devastating for me.

Every 90s kid grew up on his various memorable performances. Whether it was “Aladdin” as the Genie, Peter Pan in “Hook” or masquerading as a nannie to win his family back in “Mrs. Doubtfire” we all had one performance that made us all fans early on.

(For some reason I always remember “Flubber” first though haha)

I didn’t start to truly appreciate him though until high school when I discovered his comic stand-up routines from his earlier years.

Despite not growing up in 70s or 80s his humor was nonetheless electric, unlike any previous comic I had seen up until that point and his impressions of Ronald Reagan, Henry Kissinger and Richard Nixon are still among my favorites. Live at the Met is an all-time favorite comic stand-up performance and much later Live on Broadway still has one of the greatest closing jokes ever:

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(”Harder than Chinese Algebra” is definitely a line I’ve used in my college years)

What I loved most about his performances was that he could be boisterous and sincere at the same time. Being both genuine and vulgar simultaneously and in the best way. Weave bizarre character references into personal tales of his own life. Tell a multitude of hilarious stories and references at 100 miles a minute like a comedic roller-coaster ride that lasted the duration of his performances and you never wanted to get off it. It’s true when Time Magazine referred to his comedy as something all comedians loved and respected but could never in a million years duplicate. Robin was a one of a kind talent, the penultimate original, and fans loved him for it.

Robin did his performances with such natural gusto and spontaneous hilarity that it might shock you to know he always wrote virtually every line of his stand-ups before his performances. To bring that humor to life with such infectious joy takes real talent and no one can ever deny Robin was one of the best if not the best at it.

The remarkable thing is on top of his stand-up the dude was an all-time great actor on top of that displaying ranges from as absurd as “Death to Smoochie” and “World’s Greatest Dad” to as sensitive and thought provoking as “Good Will Hunting” and “Dead Poet’s Society.” Robin wasn’t afraid to show a darker side either in famous roles such as “Insomnia” and “One Hour Photo.” His range was simply amazing.

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(Personally my favorite^)

Like many high-schoolers, I was angsty teenager prone to hormonal anger and twitches, depressed I couldn’t score girls and that I wasn’t popular but at the end of the day I always had Robin to cheer me up.

As I became more and more a fan I’d read more into his life learning I actually had quite a few things in common with the famous funny man from a love of all things sci-fi including even anime and Warhammer to a deep appreciation of video games as he famously named his daughter Zelda after the titular Nintendo princess of the same name.

He was not just a comedian to me; he was one of us. America’s favorite funny, semi-secretly nerdy uncle and I loved him for it.

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(The sweetest Nintendo commercial ever. #uglycrying)

I would carry my love of this magnificent comedian into college where I would routinely re-listen to his greatest hits when I was at my lowest of lows and boy did I have plenty of them during this period of my life and many of them revolved around suicide.

For reasons that are too personal to expand on, I had a friend who I was close with early in college who had some deep mental health and abandonment issues. She would constantly fear the worst out of others’ intentions and whether I would stick around with her to help her through it all in life. This put a heavy drain on myself and eventually it broke me enough to just attempt to cut her out of my life.

So, she threatened to kill herself when that happened.

If you’ve never tried talking someone down out of suicide before it is by far the scariest thing I have ever had to do and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. To try to reason with someone who is convinced that their life is meaningless that no one cares about them that they are better off dead than alive is unlike any terror I’ve ever experienced. What scared me the most was what I would do with myself if I failed to talk her down. Could I live with myself if I couldn’t do enough to save this person? Is the blood on my hands too since it was my actions that drove her to this point?

Well, long story short, I did succeed in talking her down but it left a tremendous mark on my soul that I don’t think I’ll ever forget (it also would not be the last time this would happen). I did eventually move on from this person (for both our sakes) but the depression it left within in me still stings.

There are limits to emotional dependency that we should all understand and in my need to fix everything for those I cared about I started not to care about myself and it damn near killed me. You should always try to feel empathy and help those who are need but you can’t forget about yourself in this regard because it will destroy you too. Painfully and slowly.

That semester I listened to probably more Robin Williams than I ever had in the past. His humor keeping me from being an unfeeling zombie and my mind from breaking from the stress of that year (there were other events that compounded what was going on.) Robin kept me going, kept me laughing in a period I didn’t have a lot to feel joyful about and I’ll always be grateful to him for that.

Then a few years later, as well know now, on August 11, 2014 Robin took his own life.

Like most everyone else I was shocked, distraught, and in total disbelief. How could a man who had seemingly endless joy and lived by all measures a far more successful life than most people ever would feel the need to kill himself?

It was tragic beyond comprehension.

The aftermath of course was an outpouring of love and support to the Williams family particularly his children but there was also the detractors as well. People who denounced him as some sort of coward for taking his own life, Christian zealots who believed he was rotting in hell for his sin and all matter of bad takes regarding him being too privileged to be depressed. It was infuriating and broke my heart all at once. Here was a man who more than most probably deserved a happy ending, dead by his own hands and now subjected to dumb moronic statements by people who probably will never understand what depression does to someone.

You’d would only need to a modest amount of research to understand where Robin’s depression could come from though. Despite growing up in an affluent household his father and mother were rarely there with him, raised practically by the maids in his household and by himself most of his childhood. He had survivor’s guilt for being in the same room John Belushi died in many decades prior (which would become a wake-up call for his own drug addictions). Also, he was great friends with the late Christopher Reeves who went to school with him Julliard and that shouldn’t require too much explaining there.

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(Personal pain never stopped Robin from lampooning himself of course)

But the real death knell probably came at the end when months prior Robin’s suicide he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia Association and early stages of Parkinson’s disease. Now anyone being diagnosed with these conditions would be devastating by itself but if you frame it in the mind of Robin Williams, a man who’s comedy and charm relies almost entirely on spontaneous-ness, extreme attention to detail and constant joy this is like losing the very thing that made you who are, what people love you for; your core identity.

Robin was no longer going to be Robin.

I’m not asking people to like suicide or accept every instance of it but people should try to understand why and not judge others for it. Sometimes the demons are just too strong and we can’t fault others especially a mind as crippled as Robin’s was at the end.

If there’s one positive that came out of Robin’s suicide, it’s that the conversation on depression and mental health has notably shifted since that time. In the years since, it’s more acceptable now to feel sad no matter what your background is; you didn’t need to be a coal miner with black lung or a soldier with PSTD to be acceptably depressed anymore (and no, before any of you start I’m not judging those people). Athletes and celebrities alike such as Demar Derozan, Ryan Reynolds, Serena Williams, and Chris Evans have all come out about their own personal struggles with their inner demons. It’s now okay more than ever to feel inadequate even if on paper you have ever reason not to feel that way.

Though society hasn’t become completely understanding of mental health issues yet society is still a lot more open about it than it was before at least. It’s not a silver lining, don’t make that mistake with what I’m saying, but it’s comforting in a strange way knowing that even in death Robin can inspire positivity.

It’s a shame and tragic that Robin didn’t get age gracefully into his twilight years and given the current state of the country and the world as a whole we could definitely use that trademark wit to lampoon our reality right now but I’m glad that Robin helped keep me going in my most formative years.

(I mean seriously though, could you imagine Robin getting a crack at this motherfucker today on stage?)

It’s not hyperbole to call Robin Williams one of the greatest entertainers of all-time and though his time in this world was cut short by his own hand he has still left an indelible mark on myself, his fans and the rest of the world. Depression and mental health is a fact of life, generally speaking all of us will struggle with it at some point but if we can get help early and not be afraid to ask for it or even cry for it then maybe the world won’t feel so dark for us all.

So please, let’s all remember to take care of ourselves whether that’s seeking friends or professional guidance. There is strength in sadness, power in grief and love when you are lonely. You owe it to yourself to seek help and trust me, there’ll be arms open to bring you in.

Because you matter.

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Thanks, Captain.

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ultinath · 6 years

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Class Notes: Vampire Magic, Charmed 2019

Welcome to my class on the subject of Vampire play. Previous hypnocons have seen classes on the subject of robot play, bimbo play and other forms of roleplay enhanced with hypnosis, so I thought it would be time for a class on vampires. Now there are many fandoms and stories about vampires, let's name a few different ones, what kinds of vampires do you like to imagine when you're doing vampire play?

Personally I prefer World of Darkness vampires, and for this class, my thrall and I went through the World of Darkness book of vampire powers to design some triggers and command words that would give me vampire magic, and we will be showing off these powers and explaining how they work. Then, at the end of the class, you will have the opportunity to yell powers at me, and I will tell you how I would go about using hypnosis to make this power usable for vampire play.

But first, a word about consent and negotiation. Keep in mind that both of you, or all of you, because the more, the merrier, right? Keep in mind that all of you have preconceptions about vampires. Make sure you are all on the same page about the powers you think a vampire should have and how they work. It would be jarring to run into a preconception, like for example a vampire's reaction to sunlight or a cross, in the middle of a scene.

But that's not the only thing you need to negotiate. Let me get back to the powers later. If you are going to do vampire play, you need to talk about boundaries concerning blood, marks, pain, fear and CNC.Talk to each other about these things, it's ok for either partner to set limits about this. I personally as the vampire, do not like blood and marks and heavy CNC. I know vampires can be a really dark theme, and I totally respect your preferences if you want to go into fear and horror and grimdark. But personally, I just want to say: it's ok if you don't like it dark. Kink is not a contest in who likes the scariest, darkest stuff. You get to enjoy corny, pearl-clutching "Oh no! I cannot resist!" moan! swoon! kind of vampire play. It's all good. Just make sure you are both on the same page.

One last piece of advice I want to give you before we get back to the vampire powers is about the flavour of asking for consent, checking in and safewords. It doesn't need to be jarring to do any of these things. A small demonstration:

bedroom voice "I would like to grope you until you are a whimpering mess in front of all these people, is that ok with you?" Minddiver whimpers...

You see how asking for consent can be sexy? I laugh in the face of people who say asking for consent breaks the mood. And the same goes for checking in with your partner, to see if they're still ok. Together, we developed a vampire power to check in, for example. Let me just demonstrate.

moment of intense eye contact "Soulgaze. How are you doing?"

Minddiver, in a mechanical voice: "He is doing good, looking forward to the demonstrations of the other powers, and eager to please."

"Thank you, Lekker Ding. That is all."

He slumps over and wakes up soon after

So our vampire powers consist of a command word that we stylised to make it feel more vampirey, and an automated response from my lovely thrall. In this case, his subconsious describes to me how @Minddiver is doing, without really bringing him out of those feelings, so that we can continue playing. But before we show off all the vampire powers, let me first say something about using hypnosis to get into character.

Hypnosis is a wonderful tool for the victim or the thrall to get into character, it can be used to make you feel weaker than the vampire, or overwhelmed by their supernatural charisma, and to make you feel like the vampire has been stalking you for days, to get that predator/prey feeling going. A little bit of memory play can really enhance your kidnapping scenario.

But, what many people don't realise, is that hypnosis can also be used for the vampire to get into character. To feel more powerful than mere mortals, overconfident and perhaps a little cruel, less inhibited to put on your billowing cape and behave like you think a vampire should behave. I highly recommend his use of hypnosis, and I want to demonstrate my vampire persona.

Minddiver calls forth Audrey, Nath's vampire persona, and she proceeds to intimidate the class and Minddiver until he manages to call her away again. Nath apologises

As you can see, once you anchor or trigger your persona like this, the change becomes slightly more dramatic than it would be if you just let your character grow over the course of a scene. And you can add in little mannerisms or tweak the personality using hypnotic suggestions. And I do recommend tweaking. I recommend thinking about why you want these vampire powers and how exactly you want them to work. Design them, test them and then when the results are not exactly what you had hoped for, adjust it. Let's show off a couple of powers now.

Mesmerising eyes

All the vampire media describe these mesmerising powers that make the victim helplessly drawn to the vampire, overwhelmed by their power. So we wanted to create a trigger that would cause my thrall to be helplessly drawn to stare into my eyes and lose the ability or interest to do anything else.

Fear me

This is a trigger that I find really interesting because I want to have that power trip of seeing that my thrall is actually very afraid of me, but he will obey me anyway, or perhaps because of that. Fear play is attractive to many people, especially people who struggle with phobias or anxiety in real life, in the same way that masochism can be attractive: because it gives the sub a controlled environment to experience these feelings safely. It can be cathartic and empowering to play with something that bothers you in daily life. If you struggle with anxiety or hypervigilance, you have a wellspring of experience to draw from in fear play, and you can use your intimate knowledge of fear to precisely craft the effect of your fear trigger.

Enthrall

Similar to the mesmerising eyes power, I wanted a way to make him my mindless thrall, who knows nothing, thinks nothing, all he does is repeat my words back to me to create fucking hot affirmations, like: I am your thrall, I have no will, et cetera.

The Bite

Vampires will end up biting their victims, but what does that mean to you? Do you want your victim to become a drained puddle of flesh? Is the bite pleasureable? To the victim, or the vampire, or both? These are things you need to discuss right along with the whole bitemarks and blood discussion. You can use hypnotic suggestion to tweak the effects of the bite to suit your preferences.

So, throw a couple of ideas at me. What kind of powers would you want as a vampire, and I will tell you how I would go about using hypnosis to make that happen. (most powers are best done by hypnotising the victim, but some can be achieved by hypnotising the vampire to achieve the desired effect)

Thank you and I hope you realise that I am in no way an expert or an authority on this subject. I am just another kinkster who has opinions and ideas about how to kink. Please consider helping me travel to another hypno con in the US: http://ko-fi.com/ultinath

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spellsword177 · 6 years

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The Thirteen Most Evil Animated Disney Villains

In the spirit of Halloween I’ve decided to do one of those annoying lists you find everywhere. Too often, however these lists are dominated by the usual rogues gallery of “most popular and well known” Disney Villains; in keeping with that spirit I will be listing my favorite animated villains in another post. This is list will not include live-action villains (so no Captain Barbossa or Darth Vader), nor will any Pixar villains appear. Keep in mind, this is my own personal viewpoint and there will be spoilers to Disney films. Honorable Mentions:

The Evil Queen/Queen Grimhilde/the Witch from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Known as Queen Grimhilde in some Disney publications, this vain royal will stop at nothing to become the “Fairest One of All.” She insisted her Royal Huntsman bring her Snow White’s heart and eventually tried the poison the girl herself after undergoing a fantastic transformation. Tempting though it would have been to include her, she unfortunately limited her scope to one person and was never overtly cruel to Snow White on screen beyond giving her a poisoned apple.

Assistant Mayor Dawn Bellwether from Zootopia

She could literally be described as the wolf in sheep’s clothing; evil never looked so nice and fluffy. Using a chemical derived from an obscure flower, she and her coconspirators sought to have all predators rounded up and labeled as too dangerous for society and boosting the prey, which happen to make up the vast majority of the populous, to exclusive control. She very nearly made the list, but unfortunately there are only too few of spots available, and the plot was not as devious as others.

Captain James Hook from Peter Pan

Always seeking some way to best Peter Pan and seek revenge over the loss of his left hand, Captain Hook is typically among the most popular Disney Villains. Fighting against a group of children makes him noteworthy on the evil scale, but also limits his evil potential. There was also too much comic relief related to his character in the film.

The List

13. Lady Tremaine from Cinderella

Very few villains can successfully make you quiver with a sharp word and a death glare from their own bed. Infamously, she stole her step daughter Cinderella’s inheritance and made her a drudge in her own home. When Cinderella tried to have happiness of any kind, Tremaine manipulated the circumstances at possible every turn to keep her step-daughter at home and miserable. Lady Tremaine’s limited scope keeps her from being ranked higher.

12. Jafar from Aladdin

The Grand Vizier of Agrabah craves power and seeks the help of a Genie to achieve that power. With each wish, he demonstrates there would never come a time in which he would be satisfied with what he has; he would always want more. As sinister as he is, Jafar’s was limited in his vision by seeking to rule Agarabah, but likely would have eventually looked to other lands.

11. Ursula the Sea Witch from The Little Mermaid She knows who she is, what she wants, and how to get it. The oceans of the world will belong to her, and all she has to do is ensure the Great Sea King’s daughter doesn’t live up to her end of the bargain. Playing fast and loose with rules is her specialty, after all. In spite of her garden of “poor unfortunate souls,” she’s ranked lower on the list because we never did learn what her plans would have been for the world once she was in power.

10. Turbo/King Candy from Wreck-It Ralph

This miser refuses to share the spotlight with anyone. He even when as far to as to write Vanellope von Schweetz out of her own game even though she was the main character, but he wasn’t able to delete her entirely rendering her as “the glitch” in the game. He would be ranked higher if it weren’t for the fact he is from the world of videogames, which has different rules from the “real world.”

9. Taka/Scar from The Lion King

Another character who developed a different name in other media, Scar is loosely based on Claudius from William Shakespeare's Hamlet. He killed his brother and attempted to have his nephew Simba killed. Unlike Claudius, Scar’s leadership over the Pride Lands is terrible resulting in overfeeding and driving the herds to new locations. Though successful in his efforts to seize power and maintain it for a time, Scar was limited in his focus.

8. Judge Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

There is something to be said for a villain for a villain you might meet in real life, and this one has developed quite the following. He mercilessly hunts down any Gypsies he finds, often killing them in the process. He is shamed into watching over Quasimodo and cruelly keeps him isolated from society. Later, he becomes infatuated with a Gypsy woman and vows to burn Paris to the ground in order to find her and the Hidden Court of Miracles. Evil though he truly is, he unfortunately lacks the ability of others on this list and the consequences of his actions are limited.

7. The Coachman from Pinocchio

The Coachman is usually forgotten when considering these lists. He is always willing to lend a helping hand to those miscreant boys skipping school in offering to take them Pleasure Island where they can do anything they feel like. Unfortunately, they never come back as boys. The Coachman profits greatly from selling his newly enslaved donkeys. Its as small, but effective operation.

6. Dr. Facilier from The Princess and the Frog

What is worse than threating to burn Paris or sell boys into slavery? Offering the souls of New Orleans to the shadows in exchange for money and power. He his manipulative and purposely vague on the details of his bargains. Powerful though he is, the shadows control him resulting in his ultimate downfall.

5. Magica De Spell from Scrooge McDuck Comics and DuckTales

I’ve said before how her rankings among Disney villains would likely improve for many people thanks to her latest rendition; she did in mine. Constantly seeking Scrooge McDuck’s number one dime, Magica has concocted multiple schemes over the years. In 2018, she trapped scrooge in his own dime and used to shadow of every citizen in Duckburg to seize control of the city. Like many villains before her, she was brought down before she was able to expand her reach.

4. The Headless Horseman from The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

Easily among the scariest Disney villains, the Headless Horseman is ranked so high partly for what we don’t know about him. Is he really a ghost (as is strongly hinted in the movie) or is he really Brom Bones in disguise (like he is in the book)? Either way, Ichabod was never seen again in Sleepy Hollow making the Headless Horseman one of the few villains to actually win in the end. It is a victory that contributes strongly to his ranking.

3. Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty

The self-proclaimed Mistress of All Evil willingly cursed baby Aurora to seek revenge for not being invited to her christening. Later, she lured the girl to her own demise, threatened to hold Prince Phillip for one hundred years, surrounded King Stefan’s castle in thorns, and transformed into a dragon to kill Aurora’s last hope. Like many before her, Maleficent his hindered by her limited vision, but ranks higher because of her sheer force of will and natural ability.

2. The Horned King from The Black Cauldron

When the Horned King dreams, he dreams big. He desires a legendary item with the power to raise an invincible army of the dead to conquer the world. He is easily one of the darkest villains ever created by Disney.

1. Chernabog from the Night on Bald Mountain sequence of Fantasia

As powerful and evil as each of these villains are, it is near impossible to outdo a God of Darkness. On Walpurgis Night, Chernabog reaches from his high mountain, his shadow seeming to bend reality, to awaken the dead. He transforms his minons at whim and says nothing, for he has nothing to say. He is only driven away by the purity of ringing of church bells signaling the coming dawn.

#Disney Villains #Evil #Evil Queen #Dawn Bellwether #Captain Hook #Lady Tremaine #Jafar #Ursula #Scar #Judge Claude Frollo #The Coachman #Dr. Facilier #Magica de Spell #The Headless Horseman #Maleficent #The Horned King #Chernabog

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fightmewiatch · 7 years

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Mr. Scratch? (I think that was a scary episode!)

Mr. Scratch:

Is this the scariest episode in the show’s history. Discuss

Hoooo, okay. Listen up folks, lemme bring you in.

Mr. Scratch. 10x21. People claim a mysterious shadow monster attacked them when crimes were taking place, but in reality, they were committing these crimes with absolutely no memory of it, because Peter Lewis was a bitch who just held onto his rage since he was a kid and decided to make them pay for it. And no, no, punishing them wasn’t enough. Nope. He uses his magic mix to do the same to Hotch, and yes, fine, Peter Lewis is arrested but he’s not kept away and it leads to one of the longest, and roughest, and seriously hardest seasons - Season 12, and Reid in prison, and everything that came along with it, was rough on all of us, let’s be honest, okay?? And God Bless Luke Alvez for letting the little bitch die, because Peter Lewis deserved it. (Deserved worse, but I’m just gonna move on.)

Is 10x21 scary? Yes, holy shit, yes.

Scariest?

Dude.

Have you watched the show?

Other positively terrifying episodes in the shows history:

Poison. 1x13. Disgruntled dickbag doses envelopes at the bank, and I think also the candy, with drugs - highly potent LSD, rohypnol so they can’t remember, and I think the goal was botulinum, right? He has a set target in mind, but he test runs with it, and doesn’t care who gets hurt. Random targets, anyone could have been drugged and/or killed (the case that got their attention was the guy who nearly murdered his son while high).

Scared to Death. 3x3. The dude was a therapist. He was supposed to help these people with their fears, he lured them in with that promise, and instead he MURDERED them with their fear. And the criteria they had to meet in order to become his victim was that they lived alone and were new to the city, how fucking terrifying is that to someone watching when they are alone and new to their city?

Lucky. 3x8. Guys. Come on. He was nabbing women and eating them! He even fed a girl to the search party that was looking for her! I don’t even recall him having a reason for picking these women. That is terrifying, god.

Zoe’s Reprise. 4x15. It took him so many murders to figure out what it was he liked to do to kill people. He borrowed from, what, 5 or 6 other serials before he figured himself out? Flew under everyone’s radar except Zoe’s, and only killed her because she knew it was all the same person. And then he could only get off with his girlfriend by banging her either where he dumped a body or where he’d killed someone? Fuck, freaks me out.

Omnivore, 4x18. THE BOSTON REAPER. Guys. Seriously. This guy wasn’t conflicted, he wasn’t driven to this, he wasn’t out of his mind (arguably). George Foyet was a very well educated man, he was “stable” (I mean, technically), he was unassuming and very easy to fly under the radar, and look how many people he murdered. Look how well he controlled himself after making a deal with the Chief. Look how well prepared he was. George Foyet was a psychotic genius, he had nothing to lose and he fucking enjoyed it, those killers are the most terrifying out there.

Amplification. 4x24. Anthrax attack. Anthrax. Enough said.

To Hell....And Back. 4x25 & 4x26. LOOK. OKAY. I HATE THESE EPISODES. THESE ARE THE PIG FARM. DO YOU KNOW HOW AWFUL THESE WERE?

Mosley Lane, 5x16. Okay, Gubler is amazing at scaring the shit out of me. Mosley Lane was heartbreaking and terrifying. Look how easily they got away with this! For so long! I only watched this episode once, if that tells you anything.

Our Darkest Hour, & The Longest Night. 5x23 & 6x1, First of all, no one will ever scare me like Tim Curry can scare me. The man is amazing, and terrifying, and fantastic, and one of the most talented people I’ve ever had the enjoyment of watching. He hunts in the dark. He rapes. He murders. He always leaves a witness (I think with very, very few exceptions, I don’t think he left a witness with the co-eds). And he managed to get away with what he was doing for decades because he did it all over not just the state, but the entire country, and no one ever noticed. Can’t find a place where the power is out? Oh well, he’ll cut the power, and continue on with his “duties”. He isn’t afraid of anything. He has no remorse - the closest we come to seeing anything near remorse is right before Morgan kills him, and I doubt that’s remorse, I think he’s just fucking exhausted and ready for it to be over. This? This was two of the scariest, becasue you just don’t know what is about to happen.

Safe Haven. 6x5. THE KID WAS THIRTEEN. Who looks at a 13 year old boy with a skateboard and a backpack and says Yes, him, he is going to kill so many people??? I mean, sarcastically, fine, but seriously, very rarely is that a thing we say. And there was no reason for his choice of people, it was just whoever was nice to him, becuase he figured they were lying right to his face.

A Thin Line. 7x15. A politician is behind all of this. His hateful rhetoric led this guy to commit these atrocious crimes and make it look like gangs did it, even though the guy didn’t realize the politician had actually done the same thing to him and his mom, and that’s why his mom is a vegetable. Like. Anyone else feeling horrible feelings of familiarity between this episode and a certain politician nowadays, no don’t send me messages about this, I won’t answer and I don’t want to talk about it. (Although this does have one of my favorite Derek/Emily moments. “Emily, I’m sorry.” “...*puts on fake serious face* Out there...in the field...sorry doesn’t bring people back.” *Derek looks horrified. Emily cracks.* “Derek, I’m kidding!”)

Beyond Borders. 10x19. Seriously, yes, we were completely blessed with the introduction of the IRT, and I adore Matt Simmons to the end of the earth. But this was the episode that literally makes you stop and breathe and try to figure out what the fuck. Because this was a family on vacation. That’s it. That’s all they were doing. They had been in the country, what, 20 minutes, never met the man, and he picks them up, takes them to his boat, and plans to kill them like had a couple times before. No specifics on the looks or backgrounds of anyone in the family. Just. A family. This? This kind of thing is terrifying.

Drive. 11x12. The fucking Rideshare driver, overhears yours conversation and decides if you live or die. So if you’re having a smartass conversation with your best friend, he could kill you because you did something wrong (not knowing you were making it up). That? Terrifying. (So is the idea of being beheaded, holy shit.)

Collision Course. 12x14. What’s scary about this one? Oh, you know, just the fact that a dude hacked into cars and took control and crashed them and murdered innocent pedestrians, and I think in a couple cases the driver, because no woman would date him. That’s fucking scarier than hell, okay, I wanna feel like I’m in control when I get in my car, I don’t want to think someone else will take control just because he fucking can.

This is just some of the eps that I think are as scary, if not scarier, than Mr. Scratch. And this list doesn’t include the eps where our SSA’s are put in danger, themselves (when Reid is abducted, when JJ is abducted, when Emily “dies”, when Morgan is abducted, when Gideon’s life is destroyed, when Hotch’s wife is brutally murdered, when Strauss is murdered by Luke Skywalker, etc.)

So.

No. Mr. Scratch is not the scariest episode of the series.

It’s frightening.

But not the scariest.

#criminal minds #i have dedicated a lot of time tot his show i have a lot of feelings #esoltis280

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nightmareonfilmstreet · 6 years

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Happy WALPURGISNACHT! What to Watch on the Other Halloween

You think you’re safe. The days are longer, the nights are warmer, surely the undead are at rest this far from Halloween. But you’re wrong. Turn on your lights, put away your Oujia board, and whatever you do, STAY AWAY from the forest. Because tonight, all is not well. Tonight, you are in danger. Tonight…is Walpurgisnacht.

What is Walpurgisnacht?

Still from November (2017)

Like Halloween, Walpurgisnacht is an evening for enjoying the darker parts of our cultures. It’s celebrated all across Europe and the Netherlands as a sort of “Witches’ Night,” a last chance for dark magic and evil spirits to have fun before Spring chases them away. The holiday starts tonight, April 30th, and goes until tomorrow, May 1st.

Like any holiday, Walpurgisnacht has a complicated history. In ancient Germanic cultures, the transition between winter and spring was a time of dark magic. Pagan custom mandated that people either ward off evil forces through bonfires and the playing of loud music (picture a medieval rave), or avoid cursed areas where demonic sorcerers would practice gruesome rites (picture a medieval White House Banquet). Eventually, the regions that observed these mystic times were Christianized. As with some other ancient pagan holidays (*cough* Christmas *cough*), the occasion was rebranded as a celebration of Christian virtue. Specifically, it was named as the Feast of Saint Walpurga, to whom Christians prayed in order to ward off witchcraft. Ironically, the rebranding didn’t quite work, and the date set as a commemoration for warding off witchcraft and evil spirits…became a night for celebrating witchcraft and evil spirits.

Countries across the world celebrate Walpurgisnacht in different ways. For example, people in the Czech Republic build massive bonfires. In Estonia, revelers dress as witches and set up carnivals. In Finland, college students get drunk. Well, more drunk. In North America, however, there really isn’t a way of celebrating Walpurgisnacht. And we here at Nightmare on Film Street think that should change. The best way to do that, we feel, is through that greatest of North American traditions: staying inside and watching something.

What to Watch on Walpurgisnacht

Faust (1926)

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You might recognize Walpurgisnacht from Goethe’s classic drama, Faust. In it, titular doctor and terrible bargainer Faust encounters a host of demons and other evil creatures as they’re celebrating Witches’ Night. Though Faust inspired many films, one is especially appropriate for today. That one is helmed by Nosferatu‘s own F.W. Murnau, and it absolutely bleeds Germanic folklore. The movie’s satanic spokesperson, Mephistopheles, is a creature straight out of an old-world superstition, a thing that belongs to campfire stories in dark, ageless woods. The film’s atmosphere, too, is a special kind of magic bleakness. Murnau creates a world in flux between light and shadow, a warning that the comforts of civilization are only a feeling. Just like in Nosferatu, the horror hinges on Murnau’s sensational imagery, just as powerful today as it was in 1926. So powerful is that imagery, in fact, that it inspired something else on this list…

‘Night on Bald Mountain’ of Fantasia (1941)

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It’s hard to pinpoint the darkest thing Disney’s ever done (I mean, they made a third Cars), but this animated short comes close. Featured in the collection Fantasia and set to Modest Mussorgsky’s score of the same name, Bald Mountain‘s content is as horrific as its animation is spectacular. The Murnau-inspired winged villain Czernabog is equal parts Cthulhu and Satan, and the witchy celebration he begins is truly terrifying. Imps laugh and dance as they are tortured by fire. Naked banshees screech across a cursed landscape. Ghosts of executed murderers leave their graves by passing through the nooses that killed them. If that’s not traumatizing enough, remember that the Fantasia short played directly before this one is Dance of the Hours, in which a hippo attempts ballet. Springing Bald Mountain on audiences directly after that takes a special kind of evil, Disney, and we applaud you for it.

Suspiria (1977)

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If you’ve watched more than twenty seconds of Dance Moms, you know that nothing is scarier than ballet school. For real, nothing. Filmmaker Dario Argento taps into that primal terror in 1977’s Suspiria, and it’s a perfect watch for Walpurgisnacht. Set in a prestigious dance academy in Freiburg, Germany, Suspiria is about the lengths some people will go to keep dark traditions alive. It’s in almost every “Top Ten Witchcraft Movies” list and it’s easy to see why. Suspiria brings the fears of the past into a vibrantly modern world. Be sure to leave the lights on for this movie, it’s absolutely the scariest one on this list. Also, keep an eye on our site for news of the Suspiria remake, set for this year. And if you can’t do either of those but still want to face existential terror, seriously watch Dance Moms. You will not be the same.

The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

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Michelle Pfieffer, Susan Sarandon, and Cher. I’m honestly tempted to just stop there, because if you aren’t already watching this movie after reading those names, I have to assume your taste in art is terrible. But I guess I can also tell you that this is a quintessentially eighties witchy delight, based on a 1984 John Updike novel of the same name. This movie is everything a horror-comedy should be. It is witty and charming but also genuinely spooky, and when you’re not wondering whether to laugh or scream, you’ll be doing both out of sheer joy. It’s a perfect movie of its time, as aware of Stephen King as it is General Hospital. And if you’re still unfathomably unsold on this movie, Jack Nicholson plays the literal Devil, which I’m fairly sure is his real personality. Either that or the Devil just acts like Jack Nicholson, both make sense.

November (2017)

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How many Estonian films have you seen this year? You’re probably thinking “none,” or if you were educated by the American public school system, you’re probably thinking “Estonian?” Well if you watch one Estonian film this year, make it on Walpurgisnacht, and make it November. This beautifully black-and-white film plays like a grim fairy tale, bristling with dark humor and equally dark magic. It’s the story of two hopeless romantics and the mystic lengths to which they go for love. It is tense and absurd, a story featuring relevant class commentary alongside a walking stick-demon. This is a movie for people who love lore, who think that fairy tales are for adults as much as anyone. It is atmospheric and brooding, making its occasional slapstick humor all the more shocking and funny. But don’t worry, this is not a movie lacking in terror.

Now Have Fun!

That’s it for our list of what to watch on Walpurgisnacht. If you want to know more about this spooky springtime Halloween, visit ThoughtCo, which is where a lot of the research I found on the holiday comes from. If you or someone you know celebrate Walpurgisnacht, let us know on Facebook or Twitter, we’d love to hear some of your traditions! And even if you don’t, let us know some of your favorite pagan/witchcraft flicks, there are a lot more than what’s on here.

From everyone here at Nightmare on Film Street, have a very happy holiday. We hope you celebrate with good films, great booze, and the best friends. But even as you’re celebrating tonight, consider this: tales from the Witches’ Night have survived dozens of generations, thousands of years, and countless cultural & religious overhauls. Do we continue these traditions because out of respect for the past and a morbid fascination with the darkness? Or do we continue watching for witches and ghouls because, deep down…we know they’re watching us?

Happy Walpurgisnacht!

Sill from Faust (1926)

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cattwomannn · 7 years

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Without You (Jason Todd x Reader)

Request: “Can you do a Jason Todd x Reader where they get into their first fight?”- anon

Warning(s): language

A/N: So basically, this took forever for me to do because I wrote the whole thing, was ready to post it, decided I hated it, and redid it all. So, I apologize for not posting anything in forever! I’m the worst. Lol.

Y/N- Your Name

Y/N/N- Your Nick Name

________________________________________________________________

It had been weeks since you’d heard back from Jason. He was out on another one of his missions with Roy and Kori somewhere dangerous. It always scared the hell out of you when he left, your thoughts always wandering to the darkest scariest corner of your mind.

What if he’s injured, or been captured, or god forbid what if he’s dead?

You shutter just thinking about it.

You had just gotten home from work, where it was impossible to focus on anything but Jason. Eventually your boss had gotten tired of you zoning out during your shift, and let you go early. You couldn’t even blame him. What good were you if you couldn’t perform a simple task without being distracted by the idea of Jason maybe never coming home?

It’s not like Jason had never gone MIA before, because he had. But never for this long… he almost always found a way to get into contact with you, and if he personally couldn’t talk to you, he’d make sure someone else gave you the message.

But this time no one had called, or texted, or anything, and the worry was eating away at you.

You walked up to the home the two of you shared, hoping and praying you’d open the door and see him standing there, but when you went in all you found was your empty apartment. You sighed, threw your keys and jacket onto the table and shuffled off to your room.

As soon as you made it to the bed you realized how exhausted you were… worrying really took all the energy out of you. You pulled back the comforter and crawled in, curling up into a ball under the sheets and soon falling asleep.

It wasn’t even an hour later when you woke and heard a loud thump come from the opposite side of the room, you froze in terror. There was someone in your apartment and you had no way to defend yourself. You instantly regretted all the times you’d turned Jason down when he offered to help you learn how to fight. Suddenly you remembered the baseball bat you had stashed under the bed, for situations just like this. You quietly reached your arm out from underneath your blankets and blindly searched for the bat. When your hand reached it, you knew you had to work fast. You got a good grip on your weapon and lunged off the bed, closed your eyes, and swung the bat wildly at whoever had broken in through your window.

The person yelped out in pain but ultimately snatched the bat out of your hands and threw it to the floor. You were about to scream when they put their hands on your shoulders and spoke.

“Y/N! Stop! It’s me!” they shouted.

You recognized the voice, and quickly opened your eyes to see your boyfriend standing in front of you. You almost collapsed in relief.

“Jesus… you hit really hard.” He mutters, walking over to the light switch and flipping it on.

You looked him up and down, he seemed to be fine, if anything he’d have a couple of bruises in the morning, but otherwise unscathed.

Once you were sure that he was okay, your relief turned to anger. He could see it by the look on your face that he was in trouble.

“I can explain…” he said, putting his hands up in defense.

“Oh, I’m sure…” you respond sarcastically.

Jason sighs and goes to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Baby, please. Can we do this tomorrow? I’m exhausted. I want to talk, I do. But I can’t even think straight right now.” He says, using his best puppy dog eyes on you.

But it only makes you angrier. Not only did Jason disappear for weeks without a trace, but now he wasn’t even trying to take you seriously. Any other day, you’d agree. You’d never had a real fight with Jason before, but you had a feeling tonight was gonna be your first.

You turned around without answering him, and walked into your closet, leaving him sitting there utterly confused.

You came out a few minutes later fully dressed.

“What are you doing?” he asks, his brows furrowing together.

“You can sleep, I’m going to stay at Barb’s for the night.” You muttered before walking out the bedroom door.

With that Jason jumps up from his spot on the bed, following you out.

“Hey, wait!” he shouts after you.

You spin around on your heel’s, stopping so fast that Jason almost runs right into you.

“What’s going on with you? I know I was gone longer than expected, but I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal…” he confess’, trying to understand what’s going on.

“That’s really why you think I’m mad? No, Jason. I’m mad because you were gone for two weeks, and I had no idea if you were okay. You didn’t call, you didn’t text, hell I would’ve settled for fucking carrier pigeon. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat, I couldn’t even focus long enough to get anything done at work…” you trail off, you can feel yourself getting worked up now, but you can’t stop.

“Babe… I’m so sorry. I just got really busy, I didn’t think it’d affect you that much.” he mumbles.

At this point you’re crying, angry tears more than anything.

As soon as Jason notices, he steps forward and tries to pull you into his arms, but you push away from him.

“I never would’ve put you through something like this, and if I did my explanation would be a lot better than a simple ‘I got busy’…” you say through the tears.

“Y/N/N…” he frowns, feeling guilty.

More than anything he wanted to protect you, and make you happy. The fact that he was the source of your pain killed him.

Finally, you wipe the tears from your eyes and grab your things.

“I have to leave… I have to go before I say something that I’ll regret in the morning. You should get some sleep, you look exhausted.” And with that you opened the door and left, leaving Jason standing alone in your dark empty apartment.

The next morning you wake early, thank Barbara for letting you crash on her couch, and leave for home. You got about as much sleep as you had expected you would, which was not a lot. You spent most of the night just staring at the ceiling thinking about Jason. Thinking about how maybe you had overreacted, more than anything you just wanted to be cuddled up in your bed together watching crappy tv and eating copious amounts of junk food. But at the same time, Jason hurt you, and he seemed to not understand why, which only made you more upset.

Once you arrived at the apartment, you walked in as quietly as you could, trying not to make too much noise. But as soon as you closed the door behind you, you heard a hoarse voice call out your name, and saw Jason sit up on the couch.

“What are you doing? Why didn’t you sleep in the room?” you ask, setting your stuff down, and go to sit down next to him.

“I didn’t want to sleep in the bed without you…” he says, and you can hear the exhaustion in his voice.

As soon as he says this you can feel all the anger from the night before melt away. And from his tone it was obvious you weren’t the only one who had stayed up all night.

“Oh, Jason…” you sigh.

He looks over at you, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent than usual.

You turn to him cupping his face in your hands, and bring your lips to his giving him a soft kiss.

“Let’s get you to bed… Okay? We can talk about this later…” you say, grabbing his hand and standing up, but he pulls you back down next to him.

“No… I need you to know that I’m sorry. I know I hurt you and I don’t ever want to make you feel like I don’t care ever again. You’re one of the most important people in my life and I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you.” He says, staring down at your hands in his.

A small smile spreads across your face as you speak.

“Jason… you silly boy. You’re never going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere any time soon. I was just worried, and when I saw that you were okay it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. But it also let me realize how angry I was at you for not at least letting me know you were alive… I don’t think I could ever go through that again. Losing you the first time was hard enough.” You explain.

“I love you.” he says, kissing you again.

You sigh into the kiss, this was all you had wanted to do for weeks, and now he was here, and it was perfect.

“I love you too.” You say, with heavy eyes.

When you pull away, you yawn, making Jason laugh.

“Don’t you yawn, you’re gonna make me-“ but before he can finish his sentence he yawns as well.

You laugh too, and pull on his arm once again, this time he stands up with you.

“Come on, love. Let’s go to bed.” You smile, and make your way to the bedroom where the both of you get the best sleep you’ve had in weeks.

#batfamily #batfam #batfamily imagines #Jason Todd #red hood #jason todd x reader #jason todd imagine #red hood x reader #red hood imagine

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taakofromtaz · 7 years

Text

wrong side of reality

Summary:

taako has an imaginary friend named lup

Notes: (transposed from AO3)

For pyrrhlc.

this is my secret santa fic for tumblr user defcnestrate! (sorry if this was a little late. i had unforseen events impede my plans to write before the deadline)

(i had to do some investigating but i think i tagged the right person. if this isnt you, let me know, pyrrhlc!!)

happy candlenights!!!!

title from "young and meanace" by fall out boy

(did a little beta work. fixed some typos, added a few words)

[character study, introspective, vignette style sorta, trans taako]

Word count: 2256

[writing tag] | [Archive of Our Own] | [fic index] | [please consider donating!]

Ever since Taako was little, he had an imaginary friend. She was an elf like him and trans like him and looked just like him with the mismatched eyes and blonde hair except it was like a mirror. She knew everything he was going through because she was going through it too.

He’s too old for that now, but sometimes, in his weakest moments, he likes to pretend she’s still with him.

Her name was Lup and he liked to pretend he was a twin.

Something about the Umbra Staff makes him think of his childhood imaginary friend. She would use something this ridiculous, he thinks one night when trancing is impossible. He wraps his arms around the staff and closes his eyes.

This is weird, he thinks. She isn’t real. The staff is warm and he likes to think that imaginary Lup would like fire. Useful fire for those cold and sleepless nights on the road. Useful fire for keeping raiders off his back it the scariest, darkest nights. Useful fire to cook something just right even without a professional kitchen.

Lup would play with fire and Taako would change the world to match.

Taako doesn’t remember the last time he had a room to himself. A normal kind of remembering this time, instead of the weirdly huge gaps in his mind that made him sick and sad and lonely. The first thing he does is throw himself on the bed that’s big enough for at least three of him and roll around on top of the comforter until he can get over the fact that it’s perfect.

The next thing he does is scatter his belongings all over the room, followed by an incredibly brief bout of panic wherein he picks it all back up and leaves it in a heap beside the bed instead. The bathroom is next on his inspection tour. It’s a simple affair but fairly elegant. Taako is impressed and a little awed. (He learns over the next several days that the bathroom is his and his alone and he has a hard time not rubbing it into Magnus and Merle’s faces.)

When he finally collapses on the clean bedspread, still coming down from the high of having such nice new digs, he allows himself to think about Goldcliff, about Sloane and Hurley, about the truly massive fireball he’d managed that ended that fight.

His breath hitches and he shoves his fists against his eyes.

This isn’t what he wants to think about. He doesn’t want to think about the looks Hurley and Sloane gave each other all the way to the end, he doesn’t want to think about the hug that Hurley gave him, doesn’t want to think about how he melted so completely in her hold that he didn’t even notice that she was giving him her harness, doesn’t want to think about the way the silverpoint crept through their veins and turned their blood to ash right in front of him.

The thought sends a cold jolt down his spine and the irrational thought that he needs to find the Umbra Staff now.

He finds it hooked around the footboard and he snatches it quickly, pulling it closer before scrambling his way under the covers, still fully dressed. He wraps himself around the staff and presses his forehead against it. It’s warm, almost hot, and suddenly Taako’s reminded of how filthy he is, covered in a layer of sweat and grim from the battlewagon race and the battle with Sloane afterward.

(After the three of them finished their customary post-mission trip to the Fantasy Costco, they’d been stopped by Avi and escorted down to their new rooms, a private suite with its own elevator and a common room featuring a portal to hell—aka a giant floor window—overlooking the planet below. There’s a bedroom for each of them, already assigned, and a bathroom at one end of the hallway, opposite and excluding Taako’s en-suite. There’s a fairly large kitchen attached to the common room, separated only by an island bar with three stools. All in all, it’s pretty tight, but they hadn’t had the chance to clean up before being left to their new digs.)

Taako can’t bring himself to care that he’s getting the new sheets dirty. He’s already a disaster, what’s it matter what he gets up to in the comforts of his own room (and isn’t that just wild? His own room. Wow.).

“You did good today,” he says out loud, keeping his voice down just in case there’s someone standing outside his room. “You cast some bombass spells and saved a shitton of people today.” He sighs and moves the umbrella back to smack himself in the forehead with it. “But gods, Taako, you’re still a fucking idiot.”

The Umbra Staff quivers and Taako squeezes it tighter. For a moment, he imagines it’s a neck in his hands and he stares at his white knuckled grip. He takes a shaky breath and closes his eyes.

“You’re not real, Lup. You’re just something I made up because I can’t stand to be alone.” His eyes sting behind his lids and he struggles to keep his breathing steady. “But gods I wish you were.”

Taako lays long enough to almost fall asleep. He moves to curl into a ball and his ribs ache his clothes pull weird and he sighs, reluctant to leave his warm cocoon. He forces himself to get up and peel off the dusty, sweat soaked shirt and jacket and binder and he kicks his shoes and pants to the side with a growl. Luckily, whoever it was that set their rooms up managed to stock the dresser with his clothes.

Donning an oversized sweater and a pair of shorts, Taako crawls back into bed and tries not to think about Sloane and Hurley’s dying faces.

Taako’s never loved someone that much.

L-U-P.

Taako tries so hard to pretend the letters on the wall mean nothing to him, tries so hard to pretend that L-U-P is a string of letters he’s never seen before, never uttered like a prayer in a moment of weakness, never crossed his mind or passed his lips or stuck with him as his only companion against horror and heartbreak and crushing loneliness.

No. The word means nothing to Taako. It’s not a name. It’s just a word.

There’s no mystery here, he wants to say. He wants to shake the boy detective, wants to turn him away from the letters, from the thought, the idea of Lup as an entity. She’s mine, he wants to say. You can’t have her. The words not again linger in his mind for far longer than they should.

Madame Director calls Taako to her office the day after L-U-P. Taako tries really hard to ignore how worried he is that something’s going to go terribly wrong and forces himself to act as casual and put-off as he possibly can. He wants to pretend that this is just an annoying formality. He can’t. He doesn’t want Madame Director, please, dear gods, anyone but Lucretia.

She has her stern “I know you did something so don’t lie to me” face on and Taako feels his skin crawl with irritation. He hates her holier-than-thou attitude sometimes. Just because she has a magic jellyfish that can unmake entire lives doesn’t make her better than the rest of them.

“Taako,” she says, and sometimes he hates the way she says his name, too. He hates the way the syllables sound familiar coming from her mouth, the gentle way her lips wrap around it, like a suffocating hug from a bear that wants to eat him.

“Director,” he says back, just to be petulant. He knows why he’s here and he refuses to break. He’s allowed his secrets, his privacy. Sure this is the best gig he’s ever had, but by the gods does he feel trapped here more than some of the time.

“Care to explain what happened yesterday?” She quirks a brow at him and he gives her a deadpan stare, unimpressed.

“Oops,” he says with a careless shrug, entirely unapologetic.

“This wasn’t on purpose, was it? It wasn’t an act of petty vandalism?” She’s the picture of calm and grace and as much as Taako wants to keep poking this lion, the longer he sits under her stare, the more anxious he gets.

“Listen, I dunno what the whole deal with this ‘luhp’ thing is, but I have other things I’d rather be doing,” he says, forcing himself to mispronounce Lup’s name. The further away from her he can paint himself, the better the situation will turn out. Experience has taught him this time and time again.

Lucretia looks exhausted and for a moment he feels concerned. Smug satisfaction quickly takes its place and he moves as if to stand when she remains silently for a solid minute.

“Look, are we done here? Can I go?” Taako gestures to the door with the Umbra Staff.

The Director’s eyes lock onto the staff and Taako can see her shoulders tense. He moves the umbrella his other hand and crosses his arms in front of it. “Just tell me why.”

Taako purses his lips and considers his answer. He turns and strides for the door, uncrossing his arms to grab the handle. “Look, Director,” he begins, fighting back the urge to call her Creesh for reasons he’s not entirely sure of. “Whatever happened yesterday? That wasn’t me.” He twists the knob, pulls the door open, takes a step out. “And Lup is just something I made up as a kid. Don’t worry about it.”

He closes the door and leaves. He doesn’t look back.

For only a second, Taako thinks he see Lup with him, there in that white space. When he turns to look, all he can see is the red dirt of Refuge and he doesn’t think about her again until he dies. I hope she’s not dying, too, he thinks, and then, but dying’s never stopped her before.

Every subsequent death, he finds himself searching for a glimpse of her. One time it’s a flash of blonde hair. Another time it’s the tips of pointed ears. Yet another is a ghost of a smirk.

The color red follows her and when he looks, it’s dirt and he’s in Refuge again.

Lup would have liked Roswell, probably, and definitely Ren. He hopes they can meet one day. He forgets he ever had the thought.

The Umbra Staff tries to kill Kravitz and that’s just fucking rude. Why does it have to act up like this? Why can’t it just be like any other cool staff? (Taako thinks that if he could ever make a staff it would have a blade on the end. Not because he would use it like a sword, but it would look super intimidating and maybe an enemy will think it’s a melee weapon and assume he’s weak when he’s anything but.)

The whole thing about something undead makes Taako’s skin crawl. He doesn’t like the feeling of not being able to trust the Umbra Staff. He’s come to rely on its steady presence to ground him during his lowest points and he doesn’t want anything to come between that. Fuck the rest of the base if it means sacrificing personal comfort.

Why would a dark spirit risk being discovered to save Taako’s life so many times? If there is a lich—and gods, maybe there is and he just never knew because they used to own the staff before him—then the only thing he can do is hope it won’t escape and try to murder him. But, again, why save his life and help him get stronger? Why not just kill him immediately?

Kravitz may be hot, and he may be right about an undead spirit, but he’s wrong about it being a danger to him.

(Lup would never hurt him.)

The fireball that Angus shoots out is huge, bigger than the little boy is capable of casting or even handling. When he speaks up, babbling excuses about how he couldn’t possibly have cast that spell, something clicks in Taako.

“I know, I know,” he says, and he hopes he doesn’t sound like a weirdo because honestly? He wasn’t listening.

He’s too busy thinking about how to free Lup from the Umbra Staff.

Why didn’t he think of this before? It’s a miracle it never happened on accident even, but here, and now, Taako realizes that he has to break her prison to set her free.

From the moment he drank the baby’s ichor to the second he snaps the Umbra Staff over his knee, he had managed to convince himself that Lup was still a candy-coated dream. She seemed too good to be true, too good to be real, she had to be fake, she could only exist in the imagination of Taako’s intense, lonely need to never be alone. There was no way she was real and somehow he’d managed to convince the others that she was.

But now she is. She’s real and wonderful and phantasmal and resplendent and—

Taako feels like he can breathe for the first time in over a decade.

Thank the gods, he thinks, eyes burning and tears rolling down his face faster than he can think to stop them. She’s real. Thank the gods.

And then she puts him on blast but he’s laughing and he’s happy.

She’s real.

#taz #tazb #thezonecast #taz fic #trans taako #kiera writes fics #taako #lup #twins #i spent over an hour in the tazscripts looking for a description of their new suite #bc thats how i do #apparently #qiera

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