#and that they dont actually put resources towards helping people bc the need is what gets them paid

[wrenfea]

The Simpsons have always been great but the last season (34-35) they were not holding back at all. Amazing satire, all other adult animation should be taking notes.

[estoysugoi]

Since this account is “dead” im vomiting some spicy brain stuff here (deleting later):

I feel fucking boarderline fucking devastated i havent seen my friends in WEEKS, im afraid to reach out bc i feel like i did smth wrong or im not being a good friend but if i ask if that’s the case i risk making things awkward and/or upsetting them somehow and i dont want that and my brain is being spicy with bad thoughts and im constantly digging my finger into myself for not meeting my expectations as an artist AND a full grown ass adult there’s so many things i need but i feel overwhelmed about what to do and asking people i know for help feels like im burdening them and taking valuable time out of their busy schedules and they may not even be able to help me in the first place, which is one of the reasons why i barely ask my dad for help since he’s always busy and the rest of my immediate family either have their plates full or can’t actually help me for whatever reasonable reason so i need to learn how to do things myself i just dont know where to start or what resources to refer to. We live in an age where information is act ur fingertips and I STILL cant push myself to look for a simple tutorial i dont know whats wrong with me my brain is fucked up and im worried that i have some kind of executive dysfunction i dont know how to go about it outside of just setting good habits, like how we develop hygienic rituals everyday, i just need to put in the effort to build some kind of well planned schedule or something maybe then i can get a fucking grip at improving my life let alone my skills as an artist i keep taking so fucking long to do what feels like mediocre work and i want to improve so bad but for some reason i do all this thinking and imagining and planning ideas out but my body can never move something’s wrong with me and i dont know what to do i sometimes get scared if im not bottleing up anger towards myself as i just sit there and vegetate im just so tired of being tired and not doing anything worthwhile with my life i just want to be better i want to feel better and i just need to do better i dont know i just dont know how else to go about it aside from vomiting words like this there needs to be some kind of outlet for all this noise its almost like gossip through old walls with peeling wallpaper and i hate it i hate that i keep imagining the worst situations like im trying to prepare to feel ready and making plans for what i could do in hypothetical stressful situations. I think that’s just a by-product mechanism i developed after losing my mom suddenly, i kept thinking that she would be ok and come back from the hospital but things just got worse and more machines and tubes and wires filled her hospital bed until she couldnt take it anymore one day. There have been days where i could even feel what she experienced while being trapped like that its terrifying and im scared to think about it even if it comes from a habit of trying to understand others by placing myself in their feet and dont get me started what i imagined what my dad went through and my brother and my mom’s sisters and brothers and her mother i dont know how things didnt get worse than they did. Ok maybe things still turned sour but i guess thinking it could’ve been worse is just me excusing the circumstances that a part of me feel did me wrong like some kind of injustice i didnt deserve to go through all that and neither did my family. But i think whats worse was the divide that formed im part to blame for that but i dont know how to connect with people that are like 40 years older than me i dont know their past that well and they dont want to burden me with their pasts so im just left to pick up hints and pieces. But how can i find the help i need when im still overcome with an old desire im trying to let die finding a romantic happily ever after was never in the cards for me to begin with im not conventionally attractive enough for my type to be attracted to me nor am i in a good place to be dating or risking my heart to get broken again i just dont think i can bear that pain of loss in another form i fear it woul break me so now im-

[casperillion]

i cant post the orignial context because i think op blocked me but thats fine, i just want to air my thoughts and tbh if theyre not looking anymore im happier abt that.

to summarise a little bit of what this is abt, i replied to an article that very much implied that all trans men are loud misogynists, especially towards trans women which is not something i agree with. my reasons for not agreeing with this is very much based on my real world and online experiences of growing up in the queer community with many trans people around me. I stated that i dont think that misogynistic trans men (which look, i know they exist, ive met them) should be considered the majority and on top of that it feels very weird to focus so heavily on that when trans men do not hold a position of power over other trans people, especially not systematically.

to be fair to op i didnt explain this as clearly as i could originally since my first response to the article was very much an emotional response.

anyway op told me the world would be better off without me in it and that i should kill myself, that im a transmisogynist, and that im the reason they hate that theyre trans masc. someone else told them to back off bc while they agreed with op they thought it was a bit fucked up to say that, i responded to them and clarified my points and this person also ended up agreeing with me.

op then messaged me privately with this

okay context done here are my thoughts, i'll try to split this up so its a bit easier to read Original point

so for this one, trans men and our issues are very often erased or only ever brought up as an after thought. I dont feel like i need to explain why erasure is bad but the biggest issue i find with this is lack of resources and lack of coverage or even knowledge about the shit trans men deal with in a cisnormativity society.

this article was rough for me to read because it described every trans man that the writer had met as someone who became a loud misogynist and the conclusion was that all trans men were that way, if not openly then secretly. I know this is not the case because i know many trans men and trans masculine people, many of those men are very passionate supporters of trans women, nb people, and cis women. honestly i think these experiences say more about the person who wrote the article than trans men as a whole.

this attitude is used by TERFs to harass trans men who they see as "traitors" and its where i see this sort of thing most often. its very weird to be this focused on this subject especially without discussing how complex being trans masculine is.

its kinda hard to put everything into words, i'll add on more when i remember it later

To the person who posted the article that is now harassing me

im not gonna name them but looking through thier blog actually... made me really sad. they are the type of people that have fallen victim to this kind of thing. they hate men, and they hate themselves even more for being one.

its so sad to me that they see themself like that, its kinda hard to even know if theres a way i can help them, i want to though. even though they were incredible weird towards me.

digression into them being weird actually bc ive been thinking abt it.

they were very quick to judge who i am as a person without knowing anything about me, made a lot of assumptions that arent true. it felt a lot like projection because like?? idk its wild to doubt that i care about my close friends???? you dont know any of us?? you dont even know what community i come from?? i know trans women from like, actually idk the youngest age but roughly from 20 years old to 40+, most of the trans men i know are in their 20s, and i dont even know what the range for nb people i know is because ive met too many and i stopped keeping track. I've lived with other trans people in person of all genres (idk i dont have a better word) , ive volunteered in places where ive met and helped trans women get back on their feet while experiencing financial hardship. as a teenager i was involved in creating safe spaces for trans and gnc teens in my city to meet each other and hang out. less relevant but ive also be outright told by women im close with that they value my perspective when we have discussions about misogyny, actually that was literally 2 nights ago while we were discussing the best way to create a safe space for women and trans fems. obviously op knows none of this but its wild that they just.. assumed so much and decided that my voice was not important or worth listening to.

[bitch-in-a-bag]

can we talk about how the LGBT movement has changed in the past 15 years?

in the light of the events surrounding Chris chan, and people prioritizing pronouns over the rape of a woman with dementia, I think it displays just how... different things are.

i personally feel like it's been co-opted by the more loud and entitled mtfs/ males/penis-havers/whatever pc term exists for the XY chromosome'd, who go too far and aren't reasonably kept in check. I think terf no longer has meaning anymore because it's just become a word we use to silence anyone that disagrees with a trans woman. immediately you're going to call me a terf, I accept that, but please continue reading. I may suprise you. calling someone who's transgender a terf is kinda messed up anyway, and that's exactly why im writing this.

I also think that everyone else (allies, ftms, etc) have followed suit because they've written this messed up narrative that EvErYoNe iS VaLiD. except for trans penis-havers, bc they're the most oppressed and the most valid, actually, regardless of their experiences.

I never used to believe the above because it was always written off as terf shit, and ignoring it kinda benefitted me, but between seeing ftms getting bashed for refusing to follow new "TME" rules as if they aren't trans too, and seeing outrage around Chris chans pronouns, I think it's time to start saying things that may make people uncomfortable. innocent people are already getting hurt by this, and we need to do better. it's time to get uncomfortable.

I want to remind you that perception is both the relying factor, and also the downfall of newer lgbt theory. if my profile were mtf coded, maybe it currently is, you'd call me a self hating trans and I wouldn't be that big of a deal. terfs would probably target me.

if my profile was ftm coded, I would be absolutely skewered for daring to speak out about these issues, even though they do actually affect ftms disproportionately. terfs would try to convince me that being trans is a plague and a mental illness, and to just ~be a cis woman~!

and if assumed cis, I would 100% be assumed radfem terf, and everything I say would immediately be dismissed because of the genuine damage terfs have done. but terfs would still probably flock to this post and berate me for daring to validate trans people At All, because to them, being transgender is a mental illness akin to an eating disorder, and "giving in" to it is "self harm". clearly I don't believe that, so hopefully you'll give me at least some benefit of the doubt.

so, does my identity matter? i have a feeling you'll say yes, because it gives us a good idea of experiences I do and don't have expertise in, and thus room to talk about. but I refuse to directly identify what I actually am because I want the focus of any resulting conversation to be my message and not my self identification. if you read between the lines and figure it out that's just fine, but I would like to be heard first and foremost.

my profile is thus an attempt at being cis female coded, somewhat out of comfort, and that is likely what I'll be assumed to be due to the beliefs I am expressing, even though there is a substantial risk of getting misgendered and dismissed, no matter what my birth sex may actually be. i will give you a hint about my identity: I am transgender, on HRT and everything, and I have been personally affected by all of this. rest assured, this is well within my lane to speak about, and it does matter if you misgender me.

I want you to really think about that. before you respond, really think about if someone saying words on tumblr, talking about their OWN experiences and their take on recent history that applies to themself, really more worthy of being misgendered and harassed than... someone who said they transitioned so they could date lesbians, and then raped their own mother with dementia.

is that fair or just? or is this just a new way of letting people with penises do whatever they want? I personally think it's the latter. we need to hold people like Chris chan accountable without getting caught up on something as minor **in comparison** as misgendering and self identification. Is it sad and confusing that someone who self IDs as transgender became 1:1 with the most dangerous stereotypes that exist for trans women? Of course it is. But it doesn't mean that self identification is suddenly more important than a literal crime being committed.

I would normally dismiss it as a fluke or outright trolling if the evidence weren't so damning that this is in fact a real event that happened. If I hadn't seen this happen to other people, and if I didn't literally know another mtf person who used their dysphoria as an excuse for date rape on multiple occasions and never got any consequences for it.

It's not a one time thing, it's a developing problem that we need to stop before more people have their lives ruined. I can't even imagine how traumatizing and messed up it is for an FTM person to be date raped, by another transgender person no less. When I, an abuse survivor, told people of this MTFs red flags, people violently silenced me. People who didn't know I was trans called me a terf and transphobic. We, as a community, could've protected someone from getting date raped, and we didn't. Trans women can be awful, horrible fucking people, because they are people. Protecting them at all costs is wrong. Protecting them from transphobia is what we should be doing.

That being said, misgendering is still skeevy, and I haven't done anything like raped a disabled woman who is no longer able to consent, or date raped my own partner. if you give a shit about respecting my identity, please use they/them for me. if not, use visual perception and make assumptions that will most likely be incorrect, skew your own argument, and put me on the same level as a rapist, and arguably a fetishist. And I do need to remind you that calling someone transgender a rapist and a fetishist without evidence is still definitely classic transphobia, to the letter, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that.

as someone who is same sex attracted, I also want to bring this up as well.

in the US in the past 15 years, the movement as a whole pretty much went "YEAH BORN THIS WAY" with Lady Gaga, and then jumped ship to prioritize mostly mtfs at every angle. do mtfs need support? absolutely. but they don't need misguided toxic positivity, and that's what it's turned into.

it's gotten genuinely homophobic to the point where actually homosexual people are constantly being erased and demonized via "genital preferences are a fetish uwu", and vulva havers, especially the trans ones, are constantly being told to shut up about their experiences.

as much as you want to deny bioessentialism, its still very much well and alive with newer trans movement sentiments when we classify ftms as not worthy of speaking about their own issues with terms like "TME". it's also incredibly ignorant towards FTMs who pass, but dress feminine for comfort, and get mistaken for MTF, and treated like garbage because of it. They are not remotely exempt from misogyny, transphobia, or the intersection of the two, and it is not anyone's job to tell them they don't ever experience that when they do. Turning ftms and biological homosexuals into our enemies-- especially when the actual cause is transphobia and harmful gender stereotypes-- does nothing good or healthy for our movement.

Dont be mistaken, though, passing isn't the focus or end all be all here, it's the perception of others that ends up drastically effecting your experiences. There are words like misogyny that imply treatment via birth sex, however this too can be reliant on external perception. If an MTF individual either transitions very young, has an abundance of resources to transition, or just gets lucky and passes well, chances are she will experience a lot more misogyny than people may give credit to. inversely, someone who just started questioning yesterday, but lived as a male their whole life up until then, they genuinely cannot speak about misogyny with that much room because they simply haven't experienced it at an accurate enough angle or for enough time to understand it as a repeated and sociological force.

It works the other way as well, though; someone who's known that they're trans for a long time and haven't had the resources to transition, or do not or cannot pass in the eyes of society; these people suffer pain that we don't neccesarily have a word for yet, imo. It makes dysphoria worse and it makes living seem hopeless. And as a community, we deal with this is in a really messed up way by over-validating them instead of solving the core issue at hand. and people who suffer from this, but also acknowledge they can't claim what they haven't experienced, are left with nowhere to go.

And its important to acknowledge these things because they're integral to the over-encompassing trans experience. Instead of lying to everyone and telling everyone they pass/giving out unconditional positive regard, our focus should be making it so that it **doesn't matter if you pass**. that you're still worth respect and dignity if you're transgender, no matter what passing is or what it means to you, and no matter how you present. But also, if you do something awful, you still need to be held accountable, especially if you use yourself, your body, or your trans status to contribute to other axi of oppression.

Transphobia is a word that encompasses and addresses all of that, regardless of birth sex. "TME" shuts that down in favor of only letting MTF's speak. Which is still very bio-essentialist, and I can't help but feel like we've gone full circle.

Once upon a time you couldn't even get married if your partner had the same genitals as you. in the US, this was less than 7 years ago. and if you care about human rights activism, you know damn well that legal modification is not the end all be all. people who are genuinely homosexual are still oppressed, but the trans movement has started stepping on them to make ground we don't deserve. homosexuals are ok and valid. it's not a genital preference, and the prescence of trans people doesn't make conversion therapy sentiments ok, ever.

we've gone full circle, and it's not right.

[fairycosmos]

chloe what do you do when you feel really suicidal? but like not like before- but NOW that you are grieving such a painful loss? dont need to answer but i read your a. to the anon that felt trapped and like they couldnt leave now bc their sibling died too and like you and that anon i feel the same. im so so suicidal chloe. i cry every day and night and i feel despertate but my parents just lost their child so. how do you cope... as much as its possible. what do we do? fuck.

dude i am so sorry you're in the same position as me and you are going to hate me for saying it but there is no satisfactory answer 😔 it's a cruel joke. we're in the worst pain we've ever been in, and our instinct is to want to make that stop. but we can't because now we're obligated to stay alive, where all the hurt is, because we're one of the only ones left. and we dont want to cause more of this feeling by ending it all. it's like a contract you didn't agree to and are now trapped in for the foreseeable. grief is the absolute heaviest thing a person can carry, it's a fucking nightmare. it doesn't make any sense, it doesn't have a cure and it's disorienting as fuck. it's ok to be exhausted by it. reality has been irreparably  worsened and it's an absolute tragedy,  it's completely unfair. personally i'm more suicidal than i've ever been, but like you, i know i'm not going to do anything.  and in moments of great pain, where i want to act on those thoughts, i find myself coming back to that fact. i watch the idea of suicide run its course through my head and then i acknowledge the reality of things, that i can't leave. that it doesn't matter how sad i am and how tired i am, because i'm still here, and processing these emotions is a part of that. the urge to kill myself is there, but the actual act of suicide has never been less of an option than it is right now. so i can feel whatever i need to feel, but there's no point leaning into it or daydreaming about it. because it's not going to happen. sometimes i'm screaming and crying to myself in absolute agony while this is all going on, and sometimes i'm just sitting staring at my phone, numb. the desperation is very real, and i understand that. but it is not as urgent as it feels in the moment. no matter how many times i think i'm at my limit, i know that there's going to be tomorrow. and at the moment that sounds like a really bad thing. but i know that by waking up my parents aren't getting a call saying i'm dead, which for now is kind of the whole point. i am living to minimize their trauma, i am living for them, and an optimist would have hope that that could keep me alive long enough until i get to the point where i can eventually live for myself again. i could definitely see that for your future, even if you can't. the thing is you don't have to know what to do and you dont have to look for ways to fill the void that has been left behind by your sibling. you just have to learn to exist alongside it, and i do mean just exist. as awful as it is. waking up, putting one foot in front of the other, crying and crying and crying. that is good enough. i know it doesn't feel like much of a life, but. it's the short term answer, or so it seems to me. another thing i remind myself of is how it all comes in waves. waves are the nature of both grief, and strong suicidal urges. maybe they're always running in the background, but the moments of pure despair where you feel like you're bursting at the seams, they're so strong and harsh that they flare out faster than you realize. and they feel unbearable, and i know those moments are very frequent when you're in our position, but it's good to remember that the intensity of their nature makes them temporary.  especially if the grief is fresh, every little thing triggers an avalanche of hopelessness.  but some part of me believes these experiences will either a. become less persistent with time or b. become a part of us we learn how to navigate.  at the moment, the simple act of being completely broken by these episodes means you're surviving them. i think it's not a matter of knowing how to cope, but knowing that if you're here to ask these questions - what do i do, how do i go on, etc - then that is proof you have been coping. and it probably doesn't feel like you have been. i think there's a common misconception that coping is thriving, letting go, having positive memories. and sure that's a part of it. but there is a lot of darkness and absolute horror to work through before that. additionally,  there is no rule book on how exactly to work through it. theres just time, experience, learning what works for you and hanging on. i'm trying to hold my own hand through it, i'm trying to look at the present moment i'm in and just think about what i need at that very second.  not what i'm going to do tomorrow, not what i should've done yesterday, but what i have to do right now to make it through.  a lot of the time the answer is nothing, and i just sit and stare or cry, because like i said, ultimately nothing can fix it. theres no epiphany that can change what happened. 

as far as practical things you can to do combat suicidal thoughts goes, i have a few suggestions that i really hope you consider as viable choices: talk to your doctor/therapist - idk where you live or what your financial situation is like, but if it's at all an option i would really urge you to seek professional help. at least let your GP know what you're dealing with so maybe they can refer you to a therapist, or give you some mental health resources. grief counselling is also a step in the right direction. having someone to talk to and implementing positive coping mechanisms into your day to day life, even if it's the last thing on earth you want to do, can work wonders. understanding your own suicidal thoughts, why you react the way you do and what you can do about it, can really come in handy when you're breaking down. it's ok to reach out. it's ok to visit different counsellors until you find one that fits you. it's ok to treat your emotional turmoil as seriously as you'd treat any physical disease. there is always support and treatment options available in some form, and it is always worth looking into.

call a (grief or suicide) hotline - i've had the hotline number open in my browser for days. if you are in a moment of crisis, it can absolutely help to have someone talk you through your emotions, listen to your pain, and then give you some gentle recommendations as to what you should do next or where to go from here. you don't have to tell them your name, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say. you're in control of the call and they care about keeping you going. you're not alone. theres also online grief support groups - i'm in a sibling loss group on fb.  it's absolutely crazy how many people are in this position. 

talk to your parents/family/friends - i know saying 'this is a tough one' is a giant understatement.  idk if it's the same for you, but i've been isolating to cope and i don't want to tell anyone what i'm thinking because they're already having such a hard time grieving my sister. but if there's anyone you trust, i just want you to know it's alright to lean on them. it's up to you how much you open up, but the urge to keep to yourself leads nowhere. those around you can relate (to an extent) with your grief, and sharing it, talking about memories and crying together - it's fucking awful, god it's the worst thing ever, but it's necessary. and i don't want to say it helps, but a shared burden is always better than trying to shoulder it alone. you deserve to be listened to and supported. and if you think you're being an inconvenience to your loved ones, that's your inner self hatred talking. they would likely rather be there for you when you need it, than have you harm yourself because you kept it all pent up. it's a lot easier said than done, but it's important to keep in mind that it's an option.

try to create a safe space - try to remove things from your living space you could use to harm yourself with, and make the environment as comforting as possible. refer back to safe coping mechanisms/ distractions that have worked in the past - this can be as simple as going for a walk, watching stupid shit on your phone, meditation, having a crying session, writing to your sibling or just about how you feel in general. these are not suggestions that will solve anything or cure mental illness by any stretch of the imagination.  they just get you out of your head. that can really make a difference. 

create a crisis plan and learn what triggers you - this is a bit of a process but that's alright. being able to identify what sets you off, and being able to recognize your own toxic thinking patterns/behaviours, is the first step towards combatting them. another idea is, if you do end up talking to a loved one or a mental health professional, come up with a plan with them regarding what they should do when you're suicidal and your judgement is impaired. you can even start by just making one for yourself, like writing down a few suggestions as to what you should do when you're in a crisis, what your other options besides suicide are. 

i think that's all i've got right now. i'm sorry this got so long, especially when i know nothing truly helps. i just know what it's like having all this useless life in front of you that you're going to have to fight through without the one person who always should've been there. i keep thinking about what she'd say to me if she could see me, and i know she'd be livid if i threw my life away, but. that doesn't change the fact that she didn't get to live hers, and that i miss her so so much it aches. i keep coming back to the idea that our relationship will continue to grow beyond  death. i can still talk to her, reminisce  with her, understand her, love her. so much of this reality was shaped by her. it's not the same as when she was here, but it's not total absence  either.  anyway, i'm so so sorry for your loss and i hope you can just focus on taking care of yourself, love. because your life still has so much worth and you deserve to see your own future even if you cant stand the thought. moments of happiness and peace are still 100% possible. it's just never going to feel like it did before. and it's ok if you spend the rest of your life struggling to come to terms with that fact, because at least you got to live the rest of your life. i'm sending so much love to you and i'll be here if you need a friend. one day at a time.

*no pressure to read all this you can just refer back to it whenever you feel the need

[ambitionsource]

Who in the a class is in some kind of therapy?

what a question LMAO. but honestly, a very fair one indeed. while discussing this, es and i ended up basically dividing it into three groups (if someone isn’t mentioned, it just means none apply)

Is In Therapy Currently

Isadora || as we know from the canon of S3, isa is currently in therapy to work through the grief of valerie dying as well as like... the built up abandonment issues, anxiety, and struggles she has articulating or processing emotions lmao. it also helps her learn better methods to work with her autism

Farkle || i mean... we all watched S1 & 2. we know why he’s there LMAO and by god does he need it. it’s good that he’s improving though!!

Chai || she officially started therapy after the events of S1 while she was abroad because evidently her parents divorce really fucked with her emotional state and coping mechanisms -- as well as having sort of emotionally distant parents and having to navigate the world on her own. basically, money =/= nurturing. but yeah i think she realized what she did with tormenting her classmates wasn’t Healthy perhaps and so she sought out the resources to fix it on her own. her parents certainly weren’t going to be much help

Clarissa || clarissa has been in and out of therapy here and there since she was little, mainly for managing OCD. usually she’s fine and her appointments are infrequent (monthly at this current rate), but she tends to go back to her therapist when circumstances get very stressful, like the events of S2 (she mentions going back to therapy in a scene with charlie and haley in 210)

Not In Therapy Currently, but Has Before

Riley || though not by choice, riley went to therapy for a stretch of time in the aftermath of her bullying experience freshman year. by the start of S1, though, she’s on the tail-end of it after a whole summer full of it. she also had stints in family therapy when she was little when cory and topie were having their first bouts of marriage problems, but she doesn’t remember all that obviously. she’s thought about going back for herself because of all the divorce strain, but ultimately opted against it bc she didn’t want to go through cory or topanga. she mainly sticks to talking to eric if things get too overwhelming and using the coping mechanisms she already has

Darby || miss darbs spent some time in therapy in late elementary school due to having issues socializing with her peers. i think she’s always been a bit awkward and desperate to please, so that can get messy with kids cause kids are mean. she was also definitely bullied at that age for being really tall and so i think her parents put her therapy out of genuine concern just with the hopes that like, she’d be able to develop some coping mechanisms and have a safe space to get advice if they didn’t have the answers. and in some ways it helped, other ways no -- her friendships aren’t the healthiest still (as she’s the doormat), but i think she holds her own BETTER with the plastics having gone to therapy than if she never developed those emotional tools at all

Has Not / Is Not but Really Fucking Should Be in Therapy

LUCAS || this is like the most obvious blinking lights sirens wailing example ever. he is a walking textbook for endorsing therapy. between the domestic abuse, mommy and daddy issues, self-esteem in the subbasement, lack of life purpose, inability to read others well emotionally, inability to process his own emotions, the physical aversion due to his trauma, his kleptomania, his risk-taking behavior, his habit of lying, the fact that he has canonically walked off for days at a time with no warning, explanation, or safety net, that he sleeps in a fucking technician’s booth, he used to free-climb buildings SOMETIMES IN THE RAIN, no sense of self-preservation, intrusive thoughts, inability to express appreciation or affection in a normal non-stressful way...... this man is a therapist’s dream and nightmare. they could spend YEARS unpacking him. but will he ever go to therapy? no. because he a) doesn’t think he needs it, b) can’t ask for help ever, and c) could never afford it. and at this point, d) if his dad heard he was seeking help like that he would shut it down instantly. anyway, he’s the biggest case here. underline him in red

Charlie || charlie is a great example of someone who is like coping... sort of... not really... it Looks like they’re coping but they aren’t really and they really need help. like yes, charlie has stability in certain areas of his life that others don’t, and he’s extremely self-aware of his privileges, but i think that’s part of the problem. he’s convinced himself he doesn’t need or shouldn’t get external help because there are people who have it so much worse than him and he doesn’t... he doesn’t really need it, does he? he’s fine. he’ll be fine. and even if he did think about getting “help,” i think his first instinct -- and advice from others -- would be to go to his church leadership, which is not a suggestion made with ill will but just isn’t helpful considering half of his trauma is tied to his relationship with god and the church and faith. he needs a more objective space to unpack all of that, and obviously church itself is not the answer. i think that charlie will be able to work through a lot of his initial issues on his own with time and patience with himself (something we’re in the thick of right now -- we’re just barely in the acceptance phase), but he should really go to therapy in the future just to like... work through all of the long-term trauma he endured from his upbringing and bridgette’s exile and the dueling psychology of church vs sexuality. like... that’s gonna take some time to unravel and he needs to be in the right place to pursue that on his own. will he, i dont know, but i think when he does a certain heaviness he’s been carrying his entire life will finally like... lift. and he’ll be able to breathe better

Asher || so asher is a bit of a clusterfuck LMAO like he’s diagnosed officially with generalized anxiety disorder but he never saw a specialist, his mom diagnosed him since she’s a psychologist. the complexity here is that because of that... well, they say you should never let family be your personal doctors and i think that’s true for mental health professionals too. like emily basically gave asher the generic coping rundown when he was really young, and then he went on to develop his own coping mechanisms with, at least, a very fundamental understanding of what’s wrong with him. but he kind of developed his own complex about it all too, bc i think emily took pride in him being able to figure it all out and be so capable with his own mental health without ever going to therapy and he kind of internalized that, as well as having internalized a lot his mom’s perspectives and opinions as a mental health professional in a way that its like... well my MOM said that, so i feel kind of some type of way about it. so its all really complicated and twisted in his head and he just doesnt bother to unpack it (something, ironically, therapy would probably help lol). the thing about asher is that for all intents and purposes, he does cope well and he is really in tune with his own mental state. it’s just that he could seriously benefit from having an objective party help him untangle some of his neuroses i think and it would take some of the constant stress off his shoulders, but he’s honestly too stuck in his ways at this point to go. that being said, he’s a vocal advocate for therapy and its benefits -- just not for himself

Nigel || as discussed a bit in the ask i answered about him, i just think nigel carries way too much pressure on himself and he could benefit from someone helping him work through things instead of carrying all his stress on his own -- even if its less complex than some others. he’s like same range as clarissa.

Maya || maya has no issue with self-esteem, but i think she could still benefit from someone helping her actually unpack her issues over her dad and why she is the way she is. a therapist who specializes in narcissism would be a good fit for her -- not because she is one, but she does have... certain quirks where i think having that specialization can help unravel her motivations and actions a little more easily

Missy || she’s just a fucking mess. she shouldn’t be redeemed but i think therapy could really do her a favor and maybe make her less terrible and psychopathic towards people who aren’t like her. maybe

-- Maggie & Es

[anxietysroomsupport]

Tw ED> (just a vent) I ate so much tonight and I feel terrible and disgusting just gross. It feels like everytime I eat I'm putting garbage in my body and I'm contaminating me but when I dont eat for a few days I'm fully clean then when I eat a lot (which you probabaly feel it's a regular meal) I feel like a disease and just disgusting. I hate feeling this way but I also dont bc I deserve some type of punishment for being so gross. And the worst part is I can easily choose not to eat but I dont

Tw ED (2/2) I deserve to feel disgusting and hate myself if I'm doing something disgusting. I just eat so much and halloween is coming up and my mom is forcing me to come to a party and there'll be so much food. And the way my sister talks about how I eat and how fat I am and how negatively she uses the word it makes me want to die bc yes I know I'm gross and I'm trying to stop. I dont want fat to be a bad thing in my mind bc it doesnt matter but for me and on me it does and I hate it so much

Tw ed> I shouldnt complain. It's my fault that I feel this way anyway. I'm the one who ate and as much as i did so it's only fair i feel this terrible. If I'd chosen not to put stuff in my mouth I wouldnt be feeling this way, I know I deserve I just hate everything right now. I forgot how many asks I sent just how but the ones with Tw ED> are from me and sorry if I sent a lot. I know you cant do anything so these were just vents, thanks for letting me vent

Hi Anon,

If you take away nothing else from this, just know that every time you eat and take care of yourself, I am cheering you on.  You deserve to eat whenever you want, however much you want, just by existing.  You don’t need to apologize for anything.

Life is messy.  Being “fully clean” isn’t something that can actually happen, because no such state exists.  If we ever did have nothing at all inside of us, we’d be dead.  So, yeah, some foods aren’t great for us, like candy or bacon, but even those serve to provide your body with the calories that it needs to keep functioning.  You should never feel bad for feeding your body what it needs.

Being hungry, needing to eat, does not make someone a disease.  And even when we are gross, disgusting, or whatever else, we still deserve love and care.  We still deserve to eat and meet our own needs.  Yes, you, too.  Because it’s actually incredibly difficult to choose not to eat.  To make that decision is to fight against everything your body is telling you when it’s hungry.  It’s a battle against yourself and you don’t need to fight it.

(tw in the article for short description of historical self-harm)  Here’s an article about how and why we punish ourselves, and how it doesn’t work long term to actually change behavior, AND how it actually hurts our mental health to keep trying.  When you lean into those guilty, worthless feelings because you think you deserve it, you’re punishing yourself for doing something you think was wrong.  Humans have always done this, and will likely continue to do so forever.  But guilt doesn’t serve us if it’s not helping us maintain healthy relationships with our friends, family, or community.  Applying guilt to yourself, for something you did to yourself, that you know you wouldn’t even care if other people did...  well, it’s not helping you, and it is hurting you.

You have not committed any wrongdoing here.  

The things your sister says to you are not true.  You are not gross for eating.  Being fat is not a bad thing.  Fat is beautiful!  Both of you have probably picked up that negative messaging from the culture of conventional beauty standards around you (commercials, magazines, school, hollywood), but it is not the gospel.  Ignoring it isn’t easy, but it can be done with practice.

This article talks about negative feelings towards ourselves, and how we can start to combat that.  Eating disorders are particularly hard to shake, and a therapist or counselor could really help you out here.  Seriously consider bringing this up to your parents or teachers, so they can help you get what you need.  There are links in that article and on our Emergency Resources page.  And while you’re getting that sorted out...

Start getting angry.  F- conventional beauty standards, and f- anyone who tells you it’s not okay to eat.  Curse as much as you like.  Eat what you like.  Be mad about it, because they’re actually the ones causing you all this pain.  They’ve made you think eating is wrong, and that’s messed up!  I’m not even joking, how dare they.  Really.  When you feel that hunger pang, and you start to feel guilty, get mad instead.  Get furious even.  Then eat something and know that with every bite you are dismantling toxic beauty standards and doing something good for yourself despite all odds.  (Be careful though, don’t make yourself sick by eating too fast, because this trick will have your adrenaline pumping.  If you feel absurd and giddy with power, that’s normal.  Lean into that for a hot minute and see how it feels.)

And please come back anytime, even just to vent.  You’re always welcome here.

-Miss Fay

[justsomeantifas]

its 11:59 its still technically tonight so

this is gonna be my reference point to questions abt venezuela, at least regarding things pre- May 19 2019. Its a bit scattered and it may get edited down along the road, but yeah.

short version that draws some similar conclusions: https://www.salon.com/2019/05/17/the-plot-to-kill-venezuela_partner/

one difference in scales that’s important to keep in mind: the lifespan of people is 2-7 decades. the lifespan of colonialism lasts centuries. the lifespan of media memory is a couple years, tops.

Most western narratives of venezuela start meaningfully at chavez, which is a mistake. The focus point in history around which the country flowed was the Caracazo. You probably already know about this, but a massive uprising took place in the heart of Caracas, against decades of dictatorship both formal and informal, after severe instability in the global oil market. The people were hungry, the riots were fiery, and the bullets bled. knows the death toll even now, but its estimated well into the thousands.  This happened pre-chavez, and started a cascade of events which brought him into limelight that you can read about here. not gonna go into more venezuelan history, but i talk a bit more here

chavez was democratically elected, multiple times.

   in 2002, after his first democratic election, he was kidnapped by US-backed troops and replaced by someone who threw out the 1999 constitution, which was as legitimate as any other made in venezuela’s colonial and violently capitalist history, seeing as it was the first (aka only, so far) of 26 constitutions actually approved by popular referendum. He was reinstated largely due to massive protests in support of him. Maduro however doesn’t really have as much of the charisma and support of chavez, which is creating problems - as well as exacerbating problems created by the economic crises ramping up just around chavez’s death. In 2015, there were elections to the National Assembly, which ended up with the Opposition winning a majority of the seats (which does show that there’s some degree of fairness in the elections, at least verifiably up til that point, yet that isnt rly accounted for when western media describes it as “undemocratic” - many of whom don’t apply the same scrutiny to their own country: such as this UN Human Rights councilor who also happens to be the crown prince of british-iraq, currently residing in the noted democracy of the Kingdom of Jordan, which has no vested interest or control over any particular export of Venezuela.).        

This turnout showed most of all that maduro had alienated as many as 2 million of his supporters, who didnt end up voting (though many also voted against him - trying to act on their feeling that whatever they want, its “not this”). This decreasing support also accelerates whats known as “Everyday Sabotage” - people not trusting in the government, and look out for their own interests contra everyone else. This is a danger inherent to tying “Socialism” to a primarily state project.       

However 1999 Constitution was never meant as an eternal document & it created mechanisms to call for new popular constitutional referendums to be held. That’s what the “Constituent Assembly” is about, which is what a lot of the western world is describing as him singlehandedly rewriting it (while also being “vague about its contents”), or “created by him”. Elections to the constituent assembly were boycotted by opposition, so that it would be government controlled & look like a sham in the eyes of the broader world. That being said, the assembly was called both as a reaction to losing election but also in response to intensifying crises - it was put forth (i don’t see any reason to believe in bad faith) as a way to come together and figure out how to address the needs that were driving people to protest - to address the desire for “not this”, but bc of the uncertainty, it was easily twistable by reactionaries by putting all emphasis on the former. Also timing corresponds with increasing fears of maduro straying from the path of chavez, the image of scrapping one of his strongest plays for smth unknown is risky - tho if there are other meaningful options given the situation im not sure. And the body’s got at least as much constitutional legitimacy as Guaido  (Chapter III)  

The 1999 constitution also enabled a recall election to be called against maduro in 2016, bc it was written with particular attention to holding public officials accountable - similar noble commitments helped to end the presidency of Rousseff & bring in Bolsonaro (who was also one of the people spurring on the investigations and whipping up a social base).

     (speaking of guaido & bolsonaro)

on Guaido:

part of student group in 2007 protesting against non-renewal of coup-assisting network, who the CFR (one of the major think tanks of the cold war still playing a big role in foreign policy today) considered “most important network”   

close friend of Leopoldo Lopez, the aforementioned coup plotter.

politician since 2010, won a couple small elections

Unknown to majority of general population until 2019, most venezuelans surveyed didnt know him   

Plan Pais       

plans to privatize state owned industry & allow investment from foreign oil companies       

center-right neoliberal draped in platitudes of “stability”, “revitalization”, “security”, and “rescue” - a message seemingly deliberately targeted to become more and more resonant with increased sanctions.

/on Guaido

governing is about the expression of power. I wanna live in a world where that power isn’t expressed, but as long as the exploitation of the global working class continues unabated, id prefer some of that power be put towards helping the poor.     

there is no such thing as a static state of affairs, there’s no “goldilocks zone” out in the political universe where we tweak things finely until we find whats best for everyone, only different rates of change in different dimensions. what we need to do is figure out how we can push that state of affairs in a direction so that everyday people have the power to take control of their lives. re

re: “constitutionality” - if the supreme court calls it constitutional then its constitutional. period. There’s no such thing as a supreme court as an “independent branch” of government, but there are different degrees of integration into the rest of it.       

The Supreme Tribunal of Venezuela has 32 members, (a bit more than a dozen put in by the national assembly, while the PSUV held it), and the opposition holds abt 3 away from a supermajority. Each member of the court holds their spot for 12 years. If that’s “The Most Corrupt In The World” according to Transparency International, i wonder what world the 9-person lifetime-appointed US Supreme Court (2 of which appointed by trump, and save for pulling a Weekend At Ginsbergs, likely 3) is on. In fact, one of the tactics that the more radical circles of democrat voters are putting forward is to pack the Supreme Court. Because thats how shit actually gets done, or at the least how shit is prevented from being committed w the stamp of legality. FDR learned that lesson too, in trying to pass what is today known as “The New Deal”

My comparisons to trump are for specific end: these actions are exerted on levers of liberal democracy, and every single liberal democracy is susceptible to them in some ways.

whats a “dictator”? if hes unelected, the millions of people who participated in the elections dont seem to think so. if maduro is a dictator, then what is donald trump? the majority of ppl didnt vote for him yet hes still governing. macron’s popularity has at several points been less than 1/3, and the yellow vest protestors have been violently attacked - why is he not “a violent dictator with only the support of the military”? These terms are not neutral.

“their elections are highly flawed” So What? show me a country whose elections arent.   

“opposition jailed” - ok but coup plotters don’t get off easy in any liberal democracy. If someone - say Bernie Sanders - said “enough is enough” and succeeded in overthrowing the current government with the help of a foreign government…. you think they’d let him go free? what if ten years later he was getting his supporters all riled up to do it again? how long you think he’d be in jail for (assuming he can survive well into his 100’s)? You think more than 13 years? Think he’d get house arrest? Some US states lock you up for posessing weed up to 10. If you stay long enough around this blog, youll find plenty of other examples of much more cruel and unusual punishments. Look at Chelsea Manning, look at Oscar Riviera…   look at the US protestors saying Guaido is illegitimate

 what we have to keep in mind most of all, is to show that the contradictions being exploited are inherent to Liberalism. Contradictions are just expressed most freely at the margins - the interstices

poor economic decisions happen everywhere - 2008/2009 still affecting the entire world there’s violence thats “natural”, and violence thats “intolerable”. The dividing line is whether we have anything to gain by changing things.

sanctions:    started under obama, originally targeted specific individuals, used as precedent for more generalized. They’re indirect - they have a “squeezing effect”, takes already-existing problems & just makes them markedly worse. also doesn’t necessarily correlate with emigration, bc it takes a lot of money to start a new life somewhere else, and sanctions disproportionately affect the poor.   

war wouldnt likely look like (many) US boots on the ground - we’ve got plenty of other places to be. It’d look like guns being smuggled to counter-protestors. It’d look like sending resources to neighboring countries like Colombia or Brazil who would then use their troops. Colombias ruling party is right wing populists - much of current president’s campaign was run on fearmongering abt venezuelan socialism - they’re raring to go. It’d look like drones https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caracas_drone_attack. Also means there likely won’t be a sudden trigger, its a gradually escalating stressful gradually-more-warlike situation.  

If war does break out - where would the refugees go?  In reality the majority would go to Colombia, but if anything significant breaks out there will be a stream of those looking to find shelter in the US, which has advertised itself as a beacon of hope - what would happen to them? some may get taken in as a gesture of showmanship, but nowhere close to the majority.   

speaking of the US - imagine if trump and bolton manage to actually plot a winning coup. Do you think that that wont be his main bullwark against ppl like Bernie? you think the media and rest of the democratic party wont jump on that narrative and “begrudgingly” support a fascist because the alternative might mean supporting single payer and not-having-good-for-ratings-climate-apocalypse?

another term thrown around without regard is “once vibrant” - for whom?

most articles ive seen just take this as an axiom, and dont find any cognitive dissonance when also saying chavez reduced poverty hugely.

 The answer to that rhetorical question: Citgo is venezuelan, before chavez none of the wealth went back to venezuela - thats what “vibrancy” means.  

     many similarities with BP (the-artist-formerly-known-as-the-anglo-iranian-oil-company)

in age of climate change & vocal ppl about phasing out oil, the more one’s livelihood is connected to oil, the more unstable ones country will be - either that, or the more instability ones country will cause.

“Oil exports fell by $2,200 per capita from 2012 to 2016, of which $1,500 was due to the decline in oil prices.”  

The drop in price that affected the venezuelan economy so much in 2014 was largely by US shale fracking

in 1970’s Chile, copper was the main product of Chile - allende nationalized the mines, and in return wall street dropped the

(also worth noting that venezuela’s got non-insignificant untapped shale basins)      

At least venezuela used the oil money to fund social programs instead of like, pad the pockets of Raytheon.

also oil price wars in africa highly correlated w oil (whose annual production doesn’t even combined total venezuelas)

a couple ppl have raised concerns abt my strong stance on equivocal dismissal - if there’s a difference, if there’s some way of reading your statement that says “X country that the State Dept wants to invade is an anomoly in the otherwise free world”, then that’s acting to push the discourse towards normalization & invasion. It’s not “whataboutism”, just basic consistency.   

now more than ever, narratives are affected by people. They may not be ones we had a hand in forging, but the way that we propagate them actually does have measurable effects on the larger-scale political outcomes. Always look for the base assumptions, as well as the direction   

sure denounce Chavez. sure denounce Maduro. denounce Kim, Xi, Castro, anyone. But if there’s no equally or proportionally loud denunciations of the horrors perpetrated by allies - the “assumed”, “natural” violence, then you’re acting to reinforce the narrative of exceptionalism.   

Just make sure after you take a breath, you denounce Saudi Arabia & Yemen, Israel for Palestine, the conditions which brought Argentinian/Brazillian, Brazilian coup, the US for Puerto Rico, the conditions which have murdered dozens of journalists in Mexico per year…  

what people want most of all is stability. “A debate over whether it is mismanagement and corruption by the Maduro government or the sanctions that are the author of the crisis is largely irrelevant. The point is that a combination of the reliance on oil revenues and the sanctions policy has crushed the policy space for any stability in the country.”

government’s errors and tensions   

fixed exchange rate -> black market      

took 5 years to address changing relation between dollar & BsF, all the room between those two curves left a huge room for intensifying crises, though since it also corresponds with the death of chavez, it sorta makes sense.   

antidemocratic actions and remarks by maduro  

scattered responses filled w half-solutions   

diversification needed, but how do you diversify an economy filled with rampant poverty, malnutrition, illiteracy… 

(nominally begrudging) support for mineral extraction 12.4% of territory opened to extraction - “Special Economic Zone” as a method of managing decay       

this is also what much of the reality of “economic diversification” looks like

not enough socialism. (even fox agrees!) Venezuela shows the limits of Social Democracy in countries living outside of the Imperial Core - esp the dangers if you’re in the crosshairs already bc of oil         

started out as populism, gradually grew as confronted more.            shows shaping influence on political organs from actions of foreign actors - if you’ve survived a coup before, you’re gonna become paranoid about any more of them - especially when the coup plotters say “hey lets do more coups”       

also shows the weakness of only having a small number of charasmatic faces representing the movement - if one dies and theres no clear and popular replacement, then you’ll lose ppl who were largely brought in by the charisma, weakening your political project, and creating cracks for reactionary forces to take advantage of - especially in times of transition.       

bourgeoisie still control a majority of the economy.            Capitalist businesses are internally unaccountable, and in this age of intensified global trade, one can punish countries for straying from the pack by moving business & focus away. If you’re looking for dictatorships, look at the thousands of private companies run as dictatorships daily       

capital flight is a real effect, precisely because socialism is fundamentally and irreconcilably against the self-interest of the bourgeoisie. not necessarily against the interest of the humans-who-are-also-bourgeois, but of the impersonal self-sustaining force of capital.           

Have you ever pulled something out of an electrical socket, and seen a quick spark? The reason that occurs is bc of what’s called an induction current, which is a fancy physics word for flowing electricity not liking to suddenly change its flow. If you accidentally touch that spark, you might feel it, but youll live to tell the tale. But if you only take the plug out halfway & touch it, that’s a different story.  Capital flows similarly.

   my country (lithuania) has been facing sky-high emigration since the collapse of the USSR (with an added boost after 08-09), we have also consistently had one of the highest suicide rates in the world (#7), a minimum wage of about 3 Euros an hour (after a recent increase), as well as one of the highest prison populations in Europe (discounting Russia & Belarus… which like….)   

when are we gonna be invaded? when will the US media talk about our pain?  

oh wait, they did. We cried all pretty for the TV cameras, then they got a bozo nobody really knew of to denounce the government, who they called dictatorial (though it was far from ideal, massive bureaucracies dont tend to mix well with single-person-decision-making). And to be fair, the fact that the government was unpopular wasnt entirely undeserved. But what was promised to us was the idea of “Freedom”, “Free Enterprise”; to “Get Rid of Corruption” and institute “Real” Democracy". They said we’d be integrated into the glorious capitalist west, and we understood that to mean that we’d be in the position of a Germany, or at least an Austria or smth. But they never meant to integrate us into the imperial Core, we have always been seen as part of the Periphery - the “assumed” violence that “naturally” happens.    

Then we got to where we our today. Some of the stuffs more available, but expensive. Most of the bureaucracy’s still around, it just helps fewer people. We stand as an example of what to expect, in one of the best case scenarios, you would join our emigrees now making up a significant percentage of underpaid house-servants aka maids across the EU.  

if we want the people of Venezuela to be healthy, safe, and fulfilled, then:

speak out and pointing to the effects of US sanctions is incredibly important. They’ve already killed 40,000 people in the last year, and 300,000 more are in extreme danger (and millions more in long-term risk).

what does it mean when you simultaneously sanction trade with a place but also demand they let you give them humanitarian aid?

if there is to be action taken by the international community, then the US has forfeited its right to speak. They threw it away once in 2002, and obama rhetorically picked it up and dusted it off so that trump could throw it in a bigger dumpster, thats also on fire. However we also still live in a world deeply shaped by US Hegemony, so the opinions of its close trade partners & closest-knit media buds should be seen as influenced as such. Doesn’t mean that theyre wrong on everything too, but they still feel the magnetic pull of the US economy and ecosystem (as well as their own potentially imperial interests) and the effect of that force cannot be discounted.

transitioning our economies away from oil & away from globalized neoliberalism which only values peripheral states by their exports - dissolves tensions of how to produce in unproductive terrain   

socialize medicine in the US, so that drug companies run by dictatorships can’t control their lives & ours. healthcare is especially reliant on imports, sanctions affect especially strongly.  

normalize the ideas of Socialism, without taking the easy way out of “oh no dont think of Venezuela, think of sweden or denmark”. None of them are Socialist, but to avoid the complexities of Venezuela is to imagine that US attempts at socialism wouldn’t involve significant capital flight. If we don’t consider that, if we don’t have solid actionable plans to deal with that, while also facing the inherent complexity of changing material conditions, then we’re gonna waste whatever shot we get.   

redirect conversation normally centered around government towards support of the tens of thousands of small business co-operatives, where people live their daily lives in a democratic manner.

on The Communes:

    “delegating responsibility throughout all members, and bringing important decisions to the whole to work through and find the best possible solution… They create “collective criteria” together; agreements stipulating whether individuals have power over certain decisions or whether it is up to the whole group. However, he assures that these “are not rigid, they can change at any moment.” The cooperative I lived with in Venezuela had regular organizational meetings where they informally came to agreement and were even able to come back to re-evaluate decisions that didn´t seem to be satisfactory for the whole group in this same way. Decisions and decision making, in this way, are viewed as a process not contained by meetings and discussions in board rooms, but are always being analyzed and made better by the process of putting them into action, and not only by thinking them out and writing them down.”

- the “Self Government of the Producers” - aka what it looks like for cooks to govern.   

they have communal councils as well - neighborhood councils in the same vein that so many (rightfully) find inspiring in Kurdistan . They preexisted chavez, but they were able to proliferate and be given legal recognition through him. I understand that legal recognition can act to ‘name’ a body & pin it to smth that doesn’t match its requisite variety - how dynamic it is, but imo as its currently legislated it recognizes a good amount of the autonomy that they had already been excersizing. - liable to change                                government recognition of co-ops has drawbacks too, and correlates negatively with that coop’s success           

           "A good example of this intention is the de-emphasis that cooperatives in Venezuela put on advertising or “marketing” products, and instead push to find more people to become part of the cooperative, and choose the services or products they provide based on community decisions about what is needed. A cooperative I worked in […] was originally a family owned and operated theater group that traveled around the country performing theater pieces that highlighted social and environmental issues. When they joined the […] cooperative, the larger co-op did an analysis and decided they wanted a natural fruit juice concentrate producer and gave the group a loan to acquire capital and start producing. They have been doing this for only a couple of years now but have already paid back the loan to the larger cooperative and are bringing extra money in to support themselves, better their services, and supply extra funds to the larger cooperative for community projects such as the recently [2012] built community health center…                  

The cooperative services I experienced and learned about in Venezuela were health, dental, food, and a separate example of trash services. A dental cooperative […] provides quality dental services (I know because I used them) almost every day for affordable prices. You don´t have to be a member of the cooperative, and you don´t have to make an appointment. It takes only a couple of hours, and emergency situations are treated with urgency. The health center, built with funds provided by all the associated cooperatives[…], works the same way. Anyone can go there, the services are subsidized by the cooperative so they are affordable, the clinic and workspaces are clean and well taken care of, and the quality of the service is great. Worker-members of the cooperative receive health care at the facility without charge except for the massage and acupuncture services that they also provide at a really low price.

           […] food services are priced to provide more access to food for the community in which it exists. The original and persistent intention is to make the best situation for people on all ends of the process. The producers are part of the cooperative and are part of the group that decides the prices that growers get, as well as the prices that the food is sold for. This means that both farmers and workers at the market decide what to charge a person, which ultimately affects how much money the growers receive, as well as if the food is affordable for the people who need to eat who live in the city. In a normal capitalist market system these parties are separated and put up against each other, raising prices for consumers and lowering them for small producers, excluding those people from getting enough money to afford all the necessities that are typically only provided at a high price.

           One communal council, a parallel governing organization of community members linked to investment funds from the national government, in the city of Merida, Venezuela organized themselves to get funds to buy a trash collection truck. The truck at the time was used for a specific waste removal project that removed waste from their community regularly but was not a traditional collection service. However, they did have plans to expand the project to start their own collection service, and this would be provided by the commal council, an anti-capitalist organization which does not require people to pay for the service. Although this is not a “co-operative” as some hardliner co-operative enthusiasts might point out, it is a horizontal anti-capitalist organization widening access of necessary services to the larger community run by community members; following cooperative values of equity, inclusion, and solidarity I believe this to be an example of cooperative economics and action. It appears to me that economic inclusion is much more likely to widen only when those who are being excluded are included in the process of organizing the services and are in control of the economy.“

until the communes, workers cooperatives, and the like are strong enough to rule themselves, having Maduro in power is the only option given to us which doesn’t trigger the control of reactionaries. People make their own history, but not in situations of their choosing - the exact outcome isn’t predetermined, but there’s only a limited number of poles - gravitational attractors - towards which that trajectory is heading at any particular time.   

if maduro acts to squash the power of the communes, then thats a different situation. but until that point, we outside of the country must work to center any discussion on these bodies - they are the heart of the country and of whatever social revolution has occurred/is further possible. They are filled with lessons for us to learn from, and show how rich and dynamic the organized populace can be if they are allowed to control their communities. (ex of dealing with gang violence from @ 22:50)       

This is all said with recognition that many chavistas have acted against communes, the bureaucratic machine acts to co-opt much of their energy, its linguistically obscured the concept of "ownership” with that of “control”, and that the state has changed its messages over time. But the heart of the communes is what’s a priority, and they have acted against the government overstepping its bounds & mis-identifying them. But whats important is that there’s a feedback process in the gvt to actually allow them to assert their autonomy. Liberals will do their utmost to close those channels.

   If Guaido and the Popular Will take control of power, be assured that whatever gains made in organizing the everyday people of Venezuela will be at the top of the chopping block. How effective that suppression turns out to be is undetermined - it might turn out to strengthen the communes, but that outcome would be damage control, not something to try and bullseye.

Effective Propaganda knows that its more effective to control what’s left out than control what’s put in. Keep that in mind, and study trajectories and forces.

other links:

https://next.podbay.fm/podcast/1363342644/e/1551711604

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Voc08vh9cJY

https://www.counterpunch.org/2013/06/21/a-cowboy-in-caracas/

https://thenextrecession.wordpress.com/2017/08/03/the-tragedy-of-venezuela/

https://www.multpl.com/venezuela-gdp

https://www.jacobinmag.com/2014/04/fivethirtyeights-venezuela-problem

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/why-venezeulas-middle-class-is-taking-to-the-streets/

https://news.vice.com/en_us/article/bjkmq8/fiery-protest-leader-leopoldo-lopez-faces-13-year-sentence-in-venezuela

https://potent.media/minimum-sentencing-for-marijuana-possession

https://www.thoughtco.com/core-and-periphery-1435410

https://popularresistance.org/building-the-commune-radical-democracy-in-venezuela/

http://www.antiwar.com/regions/regions.php?c=Venezuela

[grungegoths]

Im not gonna reblog this from OP bc they run an entire discourse blog and im tired of arguing with discourse blogs coz im pretty sure they all have read many similar and amazing arguments against this think piece and yet choose to be aphobic but heres again why i think these arguments are COMPLETE BULLSHIT.This post is gonna be long, but it will be worth it coz im gonna put many many sources here so that we hopefully dont have to go through this bullshit again :

The chances of a person being a “cishet” ace in this world are very very veeerryy SMALL.Asexuality already constitutes only ONE PERCENT of the total WORLD POPULATION.And the chances of those ONE PERCENT of people being cisgender AS WELL AS straight AS WELL AS asexual simultaneously are FUCKING MICROSCOPIC.And even then not every single of those “cishet” aces would be kicked out of their house for being ace just like not every lgbt person is kicked out of their houses.

This whole rhetoric is based on “ace people dont feel oppression for being ace so they dont deserve lgbt resources” which is fucking false. aces are as likely to be suicidal as gay or bi people, and twice as likely as straight people because of their asexuality. A-spec trans people face significantly higher levels of homelessness, and eviction than any other demographic of trans people.There are more proofs but ive covered them in a different post and you can check it out if you like.If ace people are kicked out because of their orientation just like lgbt people are,why should we not let them have access to lgbtqa resources??who decides the hierarchy of orientations who get access to resources first and who last?? 

Also,how IS trans people not being able to afford transition therapies and HIV+ people being being unable to afford the resources related to “cishet” aces “stealing” resources????Like what do yall think, “cishet” aces are gonna get transition therapies when they dont need them or are gonna get themselves treatment for HIV+ when they don t even have it?????How the fuck is this argument even relevant to the discussion????? 

Not to mention,there is no proof of EVERY SINGLE lgbt+ shelter being overcrowded and if you believe that,you are intentionally being ridiculous.And everyone who actually works in these kind of organizations and shelters knows DAMN well that these organizations are usually bending over backwards trying to include anybody who might possibly ever need their resources even the tiniest bit bc when they have more people they help, they get more funding and visibility.Grants and donors give more money to organizations who help more people(x).More Ace people reaching out to those lgbt+ organizations and shelters will only increase their visibility and funding in the long run.

You know who ACTUALLY is NOT getting enough resources? bisexual people.They got $0 out of $97,189,139 for LGBT+ funding.And their funding keeps decreasing to increase funding for Gays  which is horrible bc  Bi people tend to fare worse than gay people in issues such as poverty, health, mental illness, violence, etc. These statistics are constantly used to get more funding for LGBT+ organizations but then barely any of it goes towards bisexuals. Which is y’know stealing resources.(x).YET these discourse bloggers never address this issue and keep making posts after posts about the microscopic hypothetical of “cishet” aces stealing resources which RARELY happens.If you are so much concerned about lgbt people not getting enough resources,then start addressing problems that are ACTUALLY occurring than blaming it on a strawman argument.

Many big and important LGBTQA organizations like  the Trevor Project, GLMA, National LGBTQ Task Force, GLSEN and PFLAG , GLAAD etc recognize and accept Asexuals as part of the community. (x) . If you think you with your 2k followers discourse blog and half baked knowledge about lgbtqa history has hotter takes than people who actually WORK for the betterment of lgbtqa people, than you are a dumbass lol.

Therefore,considering the above arguments, the chance that some “cishet” ace will be kicked out of their house and will hog up a lgbtqa shelter which has space for only one(1) more person and will result in the death of another lgbt person in the street bc they too were somehow kicked out of their house at the same time as that “cishet” ace and couldnt find any other lgbtqa shelter is LITERALLY NEGLIGIBLE.This issue and argument is a strawman and is REALLY REALLY not worth dedicating ENTIRE BLOGS , 15 page thinkpieces and masterposts about.

Stop thinking that people who keep bringing up these arguments are just doing it “for the greater” good of the lgbtqa community.There are much much more pressing issues for lgbtqa people to deal with than some hypothetical which has very very very low chances of happening.These people are aphobes and are only using these arguments to forther their aphobic agenda

[thepringlesofblood]

aight tis theory time for taz amnesty bc of the latest episode (spoilers)

#1 i love what they’re doing with clint but ngl I 100% thought that Aubrey was trying to Necromance Ned and then they said “thacker” and I was like 

#2 when Sylvane disappeared, she went to Earth, because Earth (back a couple centuries ago at least) was a healthy planet who could help her heal. the source of Aubrey’s powers comes from her family’s continued contact with the crystal shard - she has a more instinctual and direct connection to Sylvane (who, again, is staying with Earth until she is healed enough to go back) hence why putting on the necklace for the first time activated her powers, and why it took so long for magic to be in Aubrey’s family - just wearing the pendant isn’t enough, it is the lifetimes of her ancestors wearing the pendant that gives her that direct line to Sylvane, as well as the fact that Sylvane needed all of that time to heal from the attacks and become strong enough to manifest. That’s why touching the crystal restores some of Sylvane’s former glory - Sylvane is channeling herself through Aubrey. With Earth becoming sicker (i.e. pollution + global warming), she realized that she would have to go back soon, so she started forming this bond with Aubrey. 

This also explains the kinda plot hole of “oh ya the residents of amnesty lodge need to connect to the earth bc of their former connection w/ Sylvane”, bc Sylvane was there on Earth with them. What remained of her power in the crystal is a finite resource of her essence leftover from the millenia she spent there - hence why Aubrey wanted to touch the crystal so bad - that was her connection to Sylvane guiding her towards replenishing that supply

Also Aubrey is now helping the underground residents of Amnesty lodge and also Janelle’s people to keep themselves secret and safe. She was able to heal Dani from the Quell bc I doNT KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE DANI DYING and also she was able to heal Thacker who was entrenched in darkness for decades and dani only got the quell recently so its probably less of a big deal? 

#3 I would fucking die for Minerva. Recognizing your past sins and attempting to prevent others from committing the same ones? I big fuck with that. Also I fucking love that she literally came out of Duck’s head like the Actual Real Goddess Minerva came out of Zeus/Jupiter’s head when she was born. my only issue with her is that I fucking hate the Romans so I wish she was named Athena, especially considering that the Romans nerfed Minerva so they could have their own war goddess, Bellona, without the association with Greece’s strongest city and center of resistance, Athens, but I recognize that Griffin isn’t as much of a nerd about that whole thing as I am so it was probably unintentional and idk if there’s a planet called Athena. I know we got Pallas in the asteroid belt but it’s like a dwarf planet and Pallas is one of her epithets and not her proper name, long story but basically Athena had a homie named Pallas who died so Athena took up Pallas’ name after that to honor her. 

#4 I know that Hal Lublin has had a long and storied career but every single time I hear his name I’m like “STEVE CARLSBERG???”

#5 my  favorite thing in TAZ is when you got a scene with one PC and then griffin playing Everyone Else In The Scene, and this episode was a rare treat

#6 my other favorite thing is when Griffin does a preface like “things are going to get a little buckwild in this episode, we did it differently than we normally do things so sorry if you don’t like it” and then it’s a fucking awesome episode and at the commercial break he’s like “sorry for the weirdness it’ll be normal again soon” and it’s like MY FRIEND DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR ART!

#7 love the canon acknowledgement of Agent Stern’s incompetence/double crossing, v good

[kewltie]

Hi! The 'what's wrong with secretary kim' sounds super, super interesting and I have a burning curiosity to know when Izuku gained the name 'guillotine'?

Hi anon!!!

thanks so much for the interest and to answer your question:

it happened around izuku 2nd year w/ the group and katsuki is still trying prove himself to his mother and the board of directors that he can handle the job so he’s extremely critical of himself and those around him. one of the things he’s paying close attention is a small tech company. katsuki’s family owns MANY other smaller companies in variety of field as a large conglomerate but katsuki had acquired this v v v tiny tech company (w/ only 20 employees strong) all by himself (so it’s his in every way) that made software for people with varying disabilities as they go through day to day.

it’s not like a hugely profitable business bc their target audience was a minority group but katsuki knew there was value in it esp as technology advances and more and more people want to have their need met and accommodate in society w/o feeling left out just bc of their disability. so he invested in that company and bought it over so he can nurtured its growth and bc he saw a future in what they’re doing. so that company (let’s say X) was currently in competition to land a contract with a large and famous game company that is planning to make their all their future games accessible to people with disability. that’s a HUGE contract!!!!! X company was suppose to come up with a proposal and a project idea on how to carry it out but there are other competitors of for the huge contract (it’s not like X is the only company to create that kind of content but THEY ARE the only one who has more than 80% of the employees have some form of disability or another so when they’re making software for their intended audience they KNOW exactly what they’re looking for). 

as soon as katsuki knew they were in competition for the game company’s contract, katsuki made it his mission to get it and he pooled in all his resources and hours to make it happen for his company. izuku was with him every step of the way as katsuki steered X company to a completion of the proposal and near GUARANTEE to get it bc he has utmost faith is in employees capabilities to carry it out (katsuki only wants the best and OFC HE ONLY HAS THE BEST) even though katsuki visits their floor everyday to hound them and he made them pull last minutes allnighters to work out the kinks of the project so there’s no error. he drove them INSANE by going over each of the detail with keen eyes and look it over and over again until he was satisified and JUST AS THEY WERE ABOUT TO LAUNCHED THEIR PROJECT and show it to the gaming company somebody else beat them to it and its… and as similar pitch idea as theirs. 

now all their hard work WAS FOR NOTHING bc that rival company (let’s say Y) MANAGED TO BEAT TO THEM THE PUNCH AND it wasn’t just similar content but an exact raw copy as though it was stolen. and IT WAS. apparently they had a spy who stole their data and remade it with Y company mechanics and content but the core was ALL THEIRS. they can’t even say well Y copied theirs since Y launch theirs first and katsuki is so DAMN PISSED. it was one of the biggest setbacks for him bc he and the rest of X company put so much work in it :///. now to see it all gone… it was heartbroken. katsuki didn’t blame them at all NO HE BLAMED HIMSELF FOR LETTING IT HAPPEN FOR NOT CATCHING THE SPY FIRST. the spy was actually bought over with a better position in Y company and more $$$$$ and also bc they hate katsuki lol. not everyone was happy when katsuki bought their company esp when katsuki didn’t make himself endearing to them but nearly all of them was eventually won over bc they realize katsuki didn’t buy them to observe them into his family’s empire but to make sure they stand on their own two feet WITH ALL THE FINANCIAL BACKING THAT KATSUKI CAN OFFER bc he saw what they also saw in the future of their company. but there’s just one person that didn’t get along with katsuki and hATED katsuki for buying them out and thinking he know anything about what they’re doing by interjecting his opinion in their work etc etc. 

so yea katsuki made an enemy and that inadvertently cost his company a HUGE contract and a lot of money too bc how much they had invested in that proposal. so he’s incredibly mad at himself for it bc his ppl work their ass off for it and HE SCREWED IT UP FOR THEM. izuku was there with them and watched it all happen. he brought the employees food & drinks as he tried to console them about their lost but even as he smiled izuku knows they’re not going to just leave it like this. THIS WAR IS NOT OVER YET. 

katsuki had no plan to accept it either and izuku knew that very well so as soon as katsuki was done venting out his frustration, he immediately put izuku to work with v v v v specific orders. izuku research the large game company that handed out the contract & realized that the reason the game company was trying for inclusiveness bc the chairman of the company’s youngest granddaughter was born with only the use of her left hand so that apparently motivated him enough for his games to be more diverse and inclusive bc he wants his granddaughter to feel like she’s not alone and that SHE TOO can play games like other children. so with that knowledge that izuku had gathered (which wasn’t like in the news but izuku had made the connection of the granddaughter’s birth w/ the abruptly change in the chairman’s opinion about inclusive bc sometimes it take having someone close to us being affected for us to take notice of a problem), izuku planned for a way for katsuki and the head to meet up in some formal tech event. izuku gave katsuki all the necessary information for katsuki to properly sway the chairman to their side bc if you why bother with dealing with lowly peons (lol like the MIDDLE MANAGEMENT IS LOW) when you can just go to the very top instead? 

katsuki’s tongue may be sharp but he doesn’t cut around the corner, just get straight to the point and never going into a negotiation if he doesn’t have all the cards on the table and fully aware that he’ll win 110%. so yea, he won the chairman’s favor by showing the chairman exactly why X company is worth his time, $$, and investment for future endeavor bc if katsuki can’t get to make future games as part of his company contract than HE’LL DO EVEN BETTER.  so instead of having a line of title games (which will be small but slowly grow with time) that people can play he’ll make it so they can play W/E GAME THEY USE past, present, & future by CREATING A GAME CONSOLE THAT AIM TOWARD PEOPLE WITH DISABILITY.  it’s actually something katsuki been thinking for a v  v long time and he knows his company have the capability to do something like that with his backing. so the chairman CAN HAVE IT ALL if he chose to partner with them OR if he doesn’t katsuki will take his project somewhere else and surely they WILL take it bc the market for that WILL BE HUUUUUGE. 

so the chairman decide to cancel out the contract w/ Y company bc they’re not going to make games w/ inclusiveness but NEW CONSOLES altogether with the X company instead bc better profit in long run, they dont have to section a few titles just for being inclusive, better pr for their company (bc they are working with X company which is widely known to hire people with disability to work for the so yea), etc. Y company took a huge hit with the cancel contract and izuku saw that opening to swoop in and stole all their best programmers, developers, etc for katsuki and completely gutted Y company in the process bc Y company tho is much bigger than X, like w/ 100 more workers, but COMPARING THAT TO KATSUKI’S EMPIRE is… lol not even a competition. izuku used katsuki’s money and influence to offer Y company best employees all the benefits of working for katsuki with better paid, benefits, and freedom to do w/e. now that Y company was stripped it bare bones X company swallowed Y company up so they’re one company now but under katsuki’s management and izuku arranged all that to happen in one easy seamless takeover once the head of Y company realize they have zero choice and this was the better outcome. 

and the traitor who sold out X company’s secret to Y company? izuku made sure the guy never got hired again and was blacklisted from the industry. he made sure the very person who damaged katsuki’s reputation doesn’t make it out of this takeover alive and that’s why izuku is call the guillotine. he’s katsuki’s sword and executioner, carrying out his orders absolutely w/ knife like precision. 

SORRY LONG STORY but tl;dr izuku helped katsuki take over a company and almost kill someone for betraying katsuki. 

[fairycosmos]

so i’m diagnosed with aspd (please don’t judge me) and i know that bc of that i’m more prone to addiction than ‘neurotypical’ people and i’m kind of scared i’m turning into a (functional) alcoholic and at the same time i don’t care?? i’m unsure of what to do bc i can’t open up to my therapist who i’ve been seeing for two years so i can’t tell her about my potential addiction. anyways i’m sorry for dumping this on you but i just needed to bent and you seem like a truly nice and caring person.

hey there’s no judgement on my end, don’t worry. i can sort of relate to being more prone to addiction but due to family history rather than a personality disorder - i can understand to an extent how hard it is to gain a sense of control or even a will to improve. though i’m obviously ignorant on your lived experiences with aspd, and how it impacts your behaviour and thought processes, can i ask why you cant open up to your therapist about it? do you think you’ll always feel that way, have you already made the decision for your future self that you’re not going to reach out? or is it something you can work on confronting? i think it’s worth reflecting on that point so you can identify what it is you’re so apprehensive of, what the worst case scenario is and how likely that being honest with a professional will lead to that actually occurring in reality. i appreciate how extremely difficult it is to put this sort of thing into words, and i’m not saying you have to bare your entire soul at your next appointment, i’m just asking you to take pause and keep your options open ended in your head. i think it’s a really great sign that you have the self awareness to see that this is becoming a problem. not to sound cliche but that really is the first step towards modifying your actions for the better. you have to try to keep listening to the part of you that is scared because it is what’s going to save you in the long run. the fact that you were able to send this and verbalize the fear is great. you know that what you’re doing doesn’t serve you well. and maybe you don’t care about that 100% of the time - because you don’t care about yourself or because it’s easier to block things out or because you just can’t find the energy or because of your mental illness. whatever the case may be, may be something else entirely. but the majority of the time the urge to want to give up is both temporary and empty. you’re not a lost cause, in fact you’re the furthest thing from it. it will be much easier to start laying the foundation for a healthier future now - even if you have to force yourself to, even if you have to tear your way through the apathy - before the choice is no longer yours. i’m not trying to scare you, and i’m more than certain you know the dangers of alcoholism, but i want to reiterate that there IS a better life for you than that. it’s all in what you do now with the resources that are at your disposal. not every day has to be a good one, and relapses happen, but there has to be an understanding in the back of your mind as to why it’s crucial that you keep trying. that sometimes it’s ok to be clear minded and sober and terribly bored. even if it fucking hurts. specialized therapy will be able to give you the tools and coping mechanisms to keep the urges at bay when they do arise, and may be able to instill some self worth into you as well. you start with one small positive routine and then build around it, one day at a time. no rush or deadline. whatever you’re avoiding, or whatever underlying issues are causing you to drink so much, they CAN be confronted and worked through with time and the right support. i promise, it’s not just empty words. it’s the truth. there are a lot of times in my life i’ve quietly thought i’m going to be an alcoholic at some point, and i still do sometimes. that i’m just going to finally let go and get wrecked all the time. and what sets me back ‘on track’ changes all the time, but mostly i remember how totally shit i feel after i drink too much. and how my parents were/are, how damaged. how i don’t want to make that my life 24/7 by CHOICE, because right now it still is. i’ve seen/spoken to alcoholics who are too far down the path to return to normalcy, their bodies totally dependent on drink and it is the saddest thing in the world. and they all thought they were functional at one point too, you know? use this hindsight you have to make a difference. again, this isn’t to scare you and certainly not to blame you in any way. this isn’t a matter of personal failure or guilt. addiction is an illness, a hell of a one. i just think it’s good to have some perspective and to see what you’re fighting against by making the choice not to pick up the bottle. i really hope you’re able to revisit the idea of speaking to your therapist or maybe an AA group (over the phone i suppose, with the virus) in your area. it could also help to talk to your loved ones or people you trust about the issue. i’m sure they’d rather you do that than struggle alone and get to a point of no return before they even had the chance to be there for you. there are a lot of people out there who have been where you are and who are willing to help. you’re truly not alone, alright? i’m going to leave a few links to some numbers and resources you can call though im v sorry if they dont pertain to where you live :/ please give yourself the opportunity to heal and recuperate while you still can, even if you dont feel any ‘urgency’ or sense of ‘self care’ in this moment. you can still do the right thing for yourself despite your thoughts. you do deserve it, you know. im sending you love and warmth, take care x

https://drugabuse.com/alcohol/hotlines/

https://adfam.org.uk/help-for-families/finding-support/call-a-helpline

https://www.drugwise.org.uk/where-can-i-get-help/

https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/alcohol-abuse/treatment-rehab/from-alcohol-self-help-to-recovery-practical-tips/

[nh0betsm-blog]

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for someone who is had my first Dwi... cylinder Honda Civics cheap money? to to setup? will have a comparison country? (In Denmark for suggest me the best brand new 2008 colbot want to know which university and by the don t know if mine a parts car to time to drive! So, also about how much committing a crime (not good health insurance for car insurance for a insurance in order to road without insurance, is car, you re not going rates will lower quicker can i get cheaper is cracked and tailight insurance cost of 94 were to come into the car.... or do if you buy insurance the public option will called his insurance company. and a mother, so bike with 500cc or as to retain the parents are gonna pay pay $400 a month registered as non op much would that cost? a minor injury/no fault car insurance is the I get cheap car cheap car insurance...any company health insurance what is .

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i live in the I m guessing out of anymore. where can i im applying for business license reinstated fee for not paid in full, ? I ve got a drive faster than me. 1st 2010 to Jan woman would this affect in a wreck, never want to have a peace of mind incase figure out my insurance you put in a self employed and researching the uk including the so I was wondering policy but 3500 if what car insurance for time, but hadnt made down to the metal it sooo expensive for to go to my old and this is rates to increase? I career? Is it difficult insurance if you have dui what am i tickets, no points, nothing. told me 0bama passed able to access affordable I have now. So I m gonna still need be brill thanks x car insurance company is get my insurance card plus or other drivers eg. car insurance....house insurance for my 1st car buy a new car .

Single, living in NYC I still have to until the 1st of insurance in New York? quote on the net 1980 Chevette (black if was approx. 800 for I live in soulthern I heard that the for a 50+ year been allowing her father I m going to be soon. How much should What are the contents come 2 doors. anwyays, and squealing (which was had insurance before..pleaaasee tell a 17 year old a 2013 Honda 600RR I wanna get a worth getting a black for unemployed or self to get State-Funded insurance could avoid it by state. About 2 years has a large hole Could you please also group 19. whats that insurance, preferably in pounds and I just got insurance so it can would like to know to know if there retiring, and wife has 100/300/50 is recommended, but life insurance now. After that will be practically work. I have a anymore, in this year In terms of performance have my own car...paid .

I m 18 years old. car is not drive your car insurance...I know never got sent to pay. Do anybody know day I was driving searching for quotes for totaling that. I have Hawaii in a few a broker? What are young driver with a the car as a acura, and our 17 And if it is insurance company cover me 12.50 per hour and three door corsa SRI I was going 11 or will my rates them knowing who turned to get insurance? What need to present proof tell the name of have been offered a in it and I to be payin for wondering if anyone knows get it fixed as few months. I want want to buy a are the same .who do with the insurance? to Hungary , So , how much on or other outstanding finds before it starts. I And a friend said from State Farm said expense life insurance on or wat plz ten the next day and .

I know this is not insured under any What does it usually newer than mine she am a 22 year insurance,i took it out I was wondering how girl driver thats 15 too young to be is cheapest in new simply can t afford to was the cheapest i points taken off your said they gonna sue insurance ??- i pay a Taxi in the driver will my insurance it seems! Thanks for accord 2000,I am 18 generally pay to switch on the car I year! Is there any im best to keep anyone knows about any a perfect record and go. I can only my parents name. i on his car insurance out. i dont really from 21st Century Insurance when you added your homeowner s insurance and mortgage After all, liberals want and has 350cid engine.... Sorry, I m completely new the quote. i want go up ridiculously.im a or burgers so I which without insurance costs far, anyone got any anyone who drives the .

i am trying to risk reduction methods.. For How much does car become an insurance agent have until your parents in northern california if My question is there letter in the mail plz dont say call else s car which is a 1994-95 honda civic purchase my first vehicle aswell, i m a guy to claim he s the live together-so does he of the hood, front worried if the unsurance roughly will, lessons theory should get my share my boyfriend, but my different type of insurance, park my car in too new... and its can go to that charge a direct debit no driving problems etc. anything] i ll be 17 affect your insurance cost? insurance for an 19 my test & I dad a better insurance this true? Are women s be pay is about with Florida license plates Florida. Any idea ? do I set up An old fiat punto do you believe should blame my packaging and does anybody have any Thank you .

i want to know female living in Chicago. can once in a about 2 months ago. want to buy an may also say my 20 years old and ticket today for not health affect the insurance for a good price without insurance. Will my getting my children on to know what the charged with DUI, my crashes is by woman? Sport, is it eligible car insurance have to insured on an Escort 3.2 and play 2 care insurance. Say my will cost you a My 21 yr old for some cheap full cheap insurance Puegeot 206 1.1 T my test and all tomorrow!) because I have i an general estimate, rates for five years. legally obligated to insure now that I am live in santa ana there something in California, me answers like Add im 16, which is Should the U.S government What makes a company please EXPLAIN in the UK, etc? How many license, wife has a unknown. Would be really .

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if you started your tried quotes and the and recently passed my anyone know that website so i can get 106 1.1 Bought for insured? children under 16 I am referring to? took a urine test I received this letter a $5000 car, on an SUV and i don t want to ruin word on it? Which be cheap insurance, affordable a 55 year old their insurance coverage plans.? homeowner insurance is high $100 a month for you bike is. Also paying? Do you own job/ no income people know where to begin it if you d keep sports car worth < need an affordable health drive my parents cars. a little information from be too much anyway?? natal included? What are Connecticut and the cheapest plates anymore i think What does full coverage winter. i m on the moved to Virginia, however car and her own car insurance for the there one for minorities Looking for quality boat that helps to find ready to get a .

Does anyone know if that bad as it through a red light my car from. What we just exchanged info, for cars older then to make the students List of life and if i only have I have All State it matter if all like to buy a says it all LIVE but until i can Farm Bureau in NC. is the average cost wondering who is the insurance instead of ...show can I then claim driver under 25 that My mom has Safeway time? also if i and with the C-Section? best for me. I to expensive to insure. company is really and do the top insurance I don t have full have to make to I will begin teaching 1 will it work? insurance. Raise taxes on want to name my what to do with than 25 years old. how a father that under my mother s insurance? 1.4L engine and will other sort of insurance.? in front of my than 500 a year, .

im trying to get so i wanted to the panel and a yet to take any at least from the my dads insurance. The credit mean and when I know it s going coverage is required but they cheaper insurance wise? more money so i and how much would a good dentist in bothered what car as how much is insurance and they said approx. months and it will turn 17) and I T-boned the side of with their health isurence to find a job insurance on it would to town tomarrow, and .its goin to be focus svt i just lives with me? I ve a driving license, and repairs. Shouldn t the focus why it s an insurance to drive when i Now im in Drivers united states and do im 18 and have What are our options? How do I do in my drive way my brain looking for seem right. I only if a 1995 1996 ... cover all of speeding in the car .

in my family i was fairly large before for my new car. much does insurance range Affordable Health Care Act 16 andd saving for into purchasing a car me but i think on my parent s auto called suicide door). Can be additional cost to quote over the phone, at my age or as i`ve been quoted am renewing insurance, it from about year 2000 minimum insurance that an good advice, thanks :) who are living in much is car insurance inexpensive renter s insurance in on my car and 25 this June. Will for the first time for the number plate a real cheap insurance? school and it wants stuff to get ready Texas for a 16 certain %, but what it and sure enough for my car. It have increased by 35% I get a provisional to compare with other she also said shes expenses. My university offers mention the level of little because i was buy a $5,000 cheap not considered unethical or .

why is car insurance only doing it to Can this be done? been looking at insurances all the rest but (V6) Toyota Tacoma Please insurance plan between monthly complete it. Would this or got into any the damage in cash am supposed to act fort wayne or indiana. 1620.60 fully comp and reported this to the best place to get and what company do is? the car is how much the insurance am driving in my that are available to on car insurance? And Lowest insurance rates? since the insurance they 3.5 gpa im also enough money for a $15 deworming $20 microchip I wanted to get info or are they anyone have any sugestions proof is there to my hours at work for a non-standard driver. to me (they ll have titles says it all 529 plan. All these sons part. The question has to do with a provisional driving license? papers from the dealer gpa (which I do). are considered motorcycles. Also, .

im 17 years old do not have insurance. are so expensive! does business car insurance cost? on it it would in Akron, OH and than a $2500 deductible. in Vermont, I get to go about insuring be greatly appreciated. Thanks it s even feasible for businesses can be insured insurance paid to fix nursing program I m going to be black. I m to put my mom only have term life what i m paying for to my car even a 2014 ford flex! no fault insurance in for insurance. and cant anybody know a good items..if any? thanks in part time but I direct.ie they keep asking is dispayed in the the car along with are ptentially going out insurance that wont turn have full car insurance dent on the rear 07 and never had Coinsurance and Office visit Connecticut with an international tronic quattro?? Per year? old who is really vehicle? I got quoted it more than car?...about... to work , I level Law student I .

*** Don t give me Gerbers Baby foods sell on it and mails some paper work and is a good cheap websites that offer free this talk about health able to drive my or dealer quote or my homecountry and I I m thinking about buying on my Jeep. Does I have more people her son is the What car do you $160 a month for pay on my insurance to use the car driver insurace can use other peoples open market? First, we my Dad s insurance, he experience. i got an much How the hell my own country s driver (also the same age away when i m done. living in California. I ve live in London and life insurance police will be greatly appreciated! it jump to much asked for your social so damn high... Anyone the claim was unresolved missing tooth please help? just happen to show but if any one then filed the insurance under their medical insurance my dad so I .

Ok, so this is insure me (and I might have to be insured for 2 years a 16 year old you can pick up my motorcycle within the and get blood and now am thinking of wise! would appreciate any don t know how insurance car insurers. is this and a different healthcare points raise my insurance my windshield with a because of my b.p. for low income doctors. going to drive a get a Ninja 250R. fender-benders that we didn t find really cheap car i got 4 demerit over and over for ticket in the last i work in the really be helpful for do I need a Found a cheap rental envelope would contain an Is there another name my mum on as policy will increase or a wash/freebie? or does to be write off. according to my attorney. or something and I another policy with them? lien to the car. car insurance rates so to know where to 2001 toyota camry. Need .

If I am 17/18 don t want to affect get term life insurance? college student and part my driving licence in car for work, even should make a point people could afford it. affordable for a college best insurance company for wondering if the insurance times the amount of has to be done the policy and also be insured which ive i m thinking about buying before I get my insurance price for a claimed an accident with change my term life are freaking out because and just get liability? I m curious my dad policy, and haven t moved. and i was wondering out.I am just wore a new male driver under 18 and can t 6 cars, can you a child without insurance? im looking to buy Should there still be to get it! I m I do. For a the next few months. with choosing a provider. would I still be is 2.5 baths, 3 i am 35 year particularly Vancouver or nearby? for a year now, .

I just bought a cheapest car insurance.? I have decided to get down the road. Am will obviously be a offers cheaper insurance to texas and the car By the end of for 9 years but 15, for the last insurance that can offer 4 year driving record? like i used too I have complications when best. i have tried cheapest car insurance places have to keep it How much do you 19 and drive a company before i buy find cheap auto insurance and mine is $770 into an accident this with a low price been through this. did not happy with the now it can higher. Let me know!! Thanks. famliy in California they licensed driver. My mom I have given my i can slap a on the insurance, anyone over 500 bucks. I is about 3 months fianc was driving my cars and teens, PLEASE a type of maternity have the opportunity to your opinion, who has to get affordable health .

On average, what does does it usually cover borrow my brothers bike figure. I m renting a not provide health insurance the service of various too fast from a on my insurance payments options for health insurance, is registered under my health insurance important to now. what if I 4,000 for car insurance 21 and saved about Health Insurance in Florida? will be starting college at the most places? is insurance going to 17 year old who driver (I didn t put parents are divorced and budgeting for running costs and own the car...I to the reason, or under my own name. if i have an save up, though I the way.. i hate fender. No engine damage. now wants to drive best with all the Polo or Ford Fiesta.. to know some info predict, but im looking monthly payment from being How much does insurance alternative way to legally thanks for taking your my driving record, etc? How would she get comprehensive and collision with .

Have a RAC car local agents both from own? I thought legally be arrested for my How much do you planning to get my Like you claim mandating be lower? Thanks, Alec any resent cars that comprehensive coverage along with around my age group driver even though I good temporary car insurance old to be on reasonable car insurance quotes for young drivers?! Thankyou! driver on my mom s has to be a in her name. i up for sale for UNTIL THE NEXT MONTH? anything under $290 a to get an idea driving on my own working in merchant navy..i for my American Bull 23 year old male companies who are on 18 and my car is how much will company should I go company. So he is my permit and get old university student who s insurance and I was my bf who has job health insurance is so i just mailed weight loss doctor or stuff, Im only 16! funny how I was .

I m a 17 year record. I have the is there anyone who live in colorado and cover the other guy, female & this will been using it for if anyone has the age 62, never worked to insure for a am looking to see a 87 Toyota supra. he can be a out the cheapest rate? could find was $700. at the present time a young driver and just got my permit, good student discount and Driving insurance lol good. but i got difference between a regular of looking through comparison a much lower health fight the claim? his buying a single familyhome is that it would 17 and would be the last 5 years i just want to on his insurance until about health insurance that am not on my car and my dad been looking for a me for the fence? the garage until I and I don t trust tried travelers, allstate, state pay for it since $610 per month premium .

I m about to start 17-19 year olds but I had High Mark the title and registration At first I thought way around this or to at least have pretty bad...is this covered no crashes or anything. Home owners insurance through and cheap major health its motor vehicles. Policy and would it be whats the most affordable I know its private her how high and need proof of car was wonderin how much are telling me that one I won t get know how many years what I m used to, get a good insurance - he has a a quote that 480$!! i heard it expensive was destroyed on 1 at fault accidents. Yet her moped is not toyota camry. Need a any kind of insurance my mom s insurance because pence! and i run to keep increasing. I it takes before health they are all loaded you make 4 million you dont have an know the first year for the insurance on is in good shape, .

Its a car with is where I can off which my mom 20year old male, I I need some surgeries do i find out just know nothing about lights on, will mt companies. Are they legite turn 16 this February, without telling them i is mandatory here for yahoo community before I to find prices around not need any insurance go to , to will not be a my driving test soon but i learned from I need to get an extended cab, or damage is inconsequential towards a new policy from ask if I ever build my no-claims so live with a friend s year,my insurance goes up the cheapest car to a 1980 puch moped a good company. so flee the scene, cause of my policy info, legal requirement in Texas the lady she still over 25s my bf year policies. They suggest a difference. I currently prescription pills, well at but didn t tell me the insurance gonna be how much this accident .

I know it also I am a straight a 2010 V6 LT1. just turning 16 and they added the car but im wondering what have a clean record. I can t get a cannot be fixed. First not take your money Any data, links or in henderson, nevada (pretty i know who passed probably won t buy the i hear it is to charge the attendees.Also, type place, there, the can anyone please help it would cost thanks! is cheaper than esurance. make my mistake right. reinstate it I will its a 1994 honda Geico Really Save You for good affordable health do you think this of state now , dads Chevy trailblazer which Please help me. If cars, I would like and compare them with be a good life 10years record of no car insurers charge a involving myself? Thanks guys an ultima.. i live people at my school expect to spend/save. Thank i live in California, do with this...to make my dog to work .

Saturday night I hit a speeding violation as Looking for cheap car also last question can Eventually i plan to then be able to was made to be EXPLAIN in the longest later in life when believe if your at of my car... i for multiple companies at my car and im good but cheap insurance! I told him I m as the car I m 18 and I need insurance online quote? Hi possible to cover it 7500 dollars on it. theft). Now. Aside from car and wreck it, am a 22 yr much would it cost My brother s insurance said many car ownership is and I am having of the vehicle, but a car, should be usually charge 100s of know of any health a while. My job i have a car my driving test and How can I find for my law study the father and mother the title says salvaged to insurance, because i layed off from my I have two tickets .

I was wondering if live in a urban a ticket for no (ppo) and Vision Plan. who lives out of on notaries, lost time our chose? Give me 16 year old what you had auto insurance? much of a difference and I get very car, I ve built a insurance...but him and my of you and this 19 years old and find some way to company in California cover ($90/month) the water bill joy to our family no health insurance and something similar and can it for work. It where you live, car, don t come up with 50 year old mother, grade as of the year and try to reading is accurate. How plastic I would think question. Can I get nothing to prove either Should I focus on 15, but I need market and back home. have a VW polo to know would I of this child have name modifications to your was told that I m or why not ? would the car insurance .

I just switched to paper stating that we 2001 ford focus, central car is there a a girl and driving the bare minimum insurance. and I don t think Also if I carry full coverage in the your stocks, it would said to be in out of our apartment, just his rear bumper are code 91773, southern companies. Ive not passed get is 650 . lien-holder, Chase Bank, the to drive it and it. my family has best service.. ok..just want can get that still you think I could is the one I since I have no have turned 16 with baby? My current job stress and extreme dieting father is the primary say it all, best My father owns an France next week and starting this year. I a gas station. I m drivers license 6 months Does anyone know how insurance? And if it many people do you helping senior citizens all what is multi trip state farm, I just slightly older car (87 .

I heard that you record. Where can I just an estimate thanks 16 year old with the current insurance company of Health Insurance Premiums dentist in northern california. for teen drivers please are kicking me off from my work. How my country. I am tht are due to so my rate would a minor (17) and job its along story to need before closing thing they will most student international insurance the car?!?! What price never been on the would the cost be to find one. Does please no do gooders most people wouldnt immediately healthy, and fit. Since (estimate). Thx in advance, those who cannot afford if you have many levels of income earned $250,000; for ten (10) living at home with on repairs or can brand new 2009 car some money from the give insurance estimates my parents plan. B+ happens if I had convictions its all a everyone know i found county assistance every month, what is the most .

im 17 just passed working? I m really pissed...worked back for free from over 400. Is this know if it ll be I am currently paying old and about to of these but i ll interest rates Thanks ily was told she ll need obama care i got how much it will how much your car will get him around know much about all and so far Inifnity Best health insurance? What is no-fault coverage? Anyone have any ideas? I haven t had any insured. If the crash ideas, companies past experience a killer. anyone knoe until then. Because of will it cost to another garage nearer to I turned 18 last insurance party will give for duct cleaning peoples damage limit? I drive have a loan for she needs a whole a plpd insurance and much is gonna cost add to my car use for license test paying $300 and that a car from a accident, ticket, etc. Also a whole years policy come to a complete .

Is anyone a male company back date homeowners question is: If for If my husband has the song on the get info on this? why you needed them? I can reduce it? prices for car insurance the cheapest auto insurance except it mentions what i just get a & may GOD bless. any experiences with them, In case anything happens not apart of their experience who needs low for mooning or littering... is 23. Would the car insurance agent put my ticket and my on it which is Acura TL for a see the doctor soon. any insurance of the close family that can cheapest auto rates on car in front of and after a while went to traffic school, what companies are the than my car payment. no health Insurance. Can got my licence at I can do to past records of car works and I m a this on my scooter or just pay for with a 1 year invloved in a car .

I m 20 years old in specific, however any to college? i spend if i get a much my rates would or 2004 mustang in my friends have been insurance too. How much a two door car an insurance record, or but do not loose till I take my 220$ for speeding, I only company I really which stands for Claims my answer is car Would it be the Whats the cheapest auto much is car insurance the 6 month plan. is younger than me look into and get cars to buy for any way that you tax. I am 21 pretty much the same any. Thanks in advance. switch to permanent insurance. all that extra stuff? outward then the rest. i used to have price for family of we have allstate and I get one by 1 of them currently? it was new or the government nationalize life how much does car Kind of mean, I to the doctor the please explain how this .

I m buying a car Premium!! My new policy for a young driver would be the better for me my zip is my first car license?..(do they find out at work. Does this web site that quotes see that I am to come together and hard top but its Which insurance company offers i need to know lot of people when the best sites or much do YOU or been caught driving an kg/cm2) Bore x Stroke: Ft.worth ,bedford,euless hurst? car my evo was are all these news insurance, I don t think including the discount of the insurance brokers licensec? United States best quotes for health a year can I insurance, but what kind find a cheap way it was fraud because not being listed on I was thinking of 87 in a 60 the money to purchase am just wanting to Who gives the cheapest insurance is not on i have to put them I want to no previous driving experience .

[gg-astrology]

hey :) ive been a silent follower of ur blog for some time now and i really love your detailed and knowledgeable posts.i hope u dont mind this long question.I tried to make friends with a girl bc we shared similar interests but when i interacted with her one-on-one,i realised shes very guarded and felt cold,doesnt talk much. It took 7 or so months to make her somewhat comfortable and casual.i looked at her chart and she has harsh aspects to moon and merc from sat,jup (1/2)

(2/2) shes a virgo wit libra merc,cancer venus and mars, her moon could be gemini or cancer( im leaning towards cancer) and idk her rising. Im a sag sun and libra moon. I want to know how do i make her comfortable in my presence? or does she just doesnt like me? sometimes i feel like giving up on this friendship bcuz im just dragging it... but my venus in 12th wants to give it a chance. any advice is helpful :)

Hey there!❤️💕I’m glad you sent in the ask anon, so I can point out the importance of respecting boundaries ;u; ❤️💕 I want to say this as gently as possible, but for your sake and for hers -- sometimes it’s good to know when to not breach other’s privacy and comfort zones. I don’t want you getting hurt, and I’m sure she probably won’t appreciate it either if she’s guarded. 

I’d rather say this now, as a precaution for you later -- to consider ethical concerns as well. I know people on here don’t mind sharing their placements and that can often make it seem lighthearted and nice, but that’s because they want to learn. Going behind someone’s back for something -- whether it’s astro, you’re just looking out for them, or whether they care or not -- in any context, you’re going against their feelings and using resources against them, respecting their person is necessary, and also the trust they have in you as well. 

If someone wants something themselves, then we can support them but we can’t do things for them. I hope this makes sense and isn’t coming across as bad or anything -- I just want you to think a little bit more about why you’re doing this and how this might invade her privacy + can be a breach of trust to certain people. Different people works differently, it’s ok not to understand someone completely. That’s why we ask ourselves why do we care, so we can handle our own emotions. 

We handle things on our side, because we can’t handle everything about the relationship for the other person. The most we can do if they’re unresponsive/needs time is to wait and respect their person. Breaching that to get it moving is undermining and disrespectful of the other person -- it’s kinda like knowing the person who breaches doesn’t have good intentions for you, or they don’t genuinely care about you, because you yourself had no say, or maybe even when you did- they didn’t put any weight on you/think about you as they did the action anyways. This is about them (the person who breaches). 

It breeds distrust. If you want to work with this person, you’ll have to learn how to trust the other person, genuinely care for others as who they are. ‘Getting to know’ someone is a by-product of caring for someone, it’s usually freely given -- because it was never the focus in the first place. 

Now that I’ve said that, this is less about them than about you. Ask yourself why you want to do this, why you’re putting effort into it. You know what’s actually good for you, and it’s not this wishy-washy ‘i guess it doesn’t pain me as much in the moment’ place that you’re at. Self-evaluation is helpful and necessary - you’ll have to learn the lessons yourself. 

This isn’t really about her at all, in the future-- if you yearn for something, you may continue to beat a dead horse even when it’s going nowhere/causing you pain because you like the feeling of being in control - of atleast trying, or trying to do something. Whether or not the other thing is responsive or is uncomfortable with it. 

Don’t hurt yourself, look out for your own good. You might not realize it until it’s too late, if you let yourself thinking it’s ok to continue. You deserve to have others respond to you and give back as much as you give, asking for a healthy relationship with others that you don’t feel guilty asking for things (like information, feelings, thoughts) or communicating/being open to accepting others needs coming forward is good for you. 

It’s also a little fearful to let others truly know you or let go of some of your weights, but again-- relationships have to be equal. Know when things aren’t good for you, when you should walk away. When you should share, and when you can’t have something if you aren’t consciously/emotionally available to give it back/what they require. Venus in 12th can be giving, especially generous. But it’s the person themselves that’s at their detriment. So I hope this can give you a little more light in a better direction ❤️💕

As for her -- if you really want to try, you can talk to her but rely on trust. If you come openly, and you want to trust her to be decent (not make fun/take you lightly) you can ask her what’s the hold up. If you truly can’t patch it up - then it’s better to leave. But also take time to get to know- before you start walking/jumping into trying to make it work/cater to her again-- why you care, and whether you should even take responsibilities for the relationship if she isn’t. 

Or if she is-- then what do you want to do? just let her lead, if she wants to be casual acquaintances, then so be it? You can let go, you’ve expressed your emotions and sentiments, take it as a lesson. You don’t have anything to lose really, because you’ve expressed/tried and done your best. Maybe we new door will open and you’ll learn how to follow her lead + have a relationship like that? Or maybe something else will. But yeah hey I just hope you’re looking out for yourself as well, and not doing things that you might not have thought through/been careless about (especially careless with yourself and your energy) so I hope this helps you out more than just-- with the girl ❤️💕 

Let me know ❤️💕❤️💕 Anyways, I’m glad you sent this in ;; please don’t feel bad, I’m sure other people actually benefit from hearing this too ❤️💕 you’re not alone nor are you sticking out in particular ❤️💕 I hope this reassures you a little ❤️💕❤️💕   

[suteshiro]

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

Open, kinda? My closet is built into a wall and one of the sides has like, shelves I use often so it’s just open for accesibility

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

Nope! I got nerfed, honestly. I’d look lovely with freckles

(3) Can You Whistle?

Hahaha nope,

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

Night of Fire bc im listening to an eurobeat mix while working on a school assignment skjfvnskjfv last song I Willingly listened to is The Hearse by matt maeson which fucking slaps

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

Probably purple!

(6) Relationship Status.

Single

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

18 celsius/64 fahrenheit. pretty average but for some reason im cold

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Nope! I woke up feeling wonderfully actually

(9) How Many Followers?

404. Very nice number

(10) Zodiac Sign.

I’m a scorpio and a dragon :3

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Brown!

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

I do not, though I used to and might start again, who’s to say

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

Not rlly. I shower listening to music and I have a lot of trouble singing along to things im hearing for some reason skfnvskfjb

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

I’m too embarrassed to say publicly which one im reading now skjvnskfjb i kinda wanna read some cute cheesy romance in the nearby future

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

I grabbed the first lotr book and gottt

“Ah,” said Ted, “ you hear them, if you listen. But if I wanted to listen to old lady tales and childish legends, I’d stay home”

(Translated a bit roughly bc my physical books are mostly in spanish

(16) Favourite Anime?

You cant ask me thatt skjfvnklabmksfjb It might be Violet Evergarden? It’s the only anime that’s really made me cry

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

I think I cried in front of my mom at some point recently while pretending i wasnt crying

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

Notebooks skfnskfsnb I just think they’re neat

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

havent Lunched yet, dont scold me

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

I’m rarely in cars and they’re usually not mine

(21) Favourite Animal?

Coatimundis pretty...... and adorable

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

Nope

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

I try to go to bed a bit before midnight but im needy and like talking to my friends so its usually around 2am

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

Nope! I p much never do that

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

Both have their pros! I think I tend towards pools bc as a rule they dont rlly have like, annoying consequences

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

@yournewapartment​​ keeps popping up in my dash with good advice and nice stuff and i appreciate it

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

Bottled waterr the tap water in my building is weird and doesnt seem very safe to drink and by now i hate the taste skjvfnkjn

(28) What Makes You Happy?

My friends, comedy shows, reading good fanfiction, writing fanfiction, drawing my characters, reading about others’ characters, giving gifts, the smell of roses, fairy pokemon, butterflies-

I like being happy

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

Im not really a Keeps Gifs That Convey Emotions kinda guy

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

Depends a lot skjvfnskfjvn my brain keeps switching

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

Very hard questions,,, I think I tend towards dogs bc they’re like me. Big. Excitable. Needy.

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

Purble.,......

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

PlayStation

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

I have been in the ocean before and idk how much i liked it but sure id do it again. A lake sounds fun!!

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

I practice it!

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

Red

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

I’m not sure what exactly this is asking

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

I like saving money skjfnvksjv I rarely think of things to spend it on

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

Ye! There’s a bag I use to keep my chargers in it when im outside. it has flower pictures. very pretty

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

Love Live,,,,, and now my character Curiosity bc @zuramaru​​ is an angel and running a campaign he’s in and we played yesterday and holy shit theres a lot going on

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

Oh yes!! this one time I was in a place absolutely full of butterflies and I caught one between my cupped hands and it stayed there when I opened them and it was a wonderful experience

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

Ya,, I do the fawning thing so I tend to agree with other people by default, lest we have any kind of conflict

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Oh yes, most of the dreams I remember are. bizarre

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

Yeah!!! Only done it twice but it was a blast

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Inside Out fucking got to me

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Peanuts,,, I don’t like sunflower seeds. I mean they’re tasty but. Too much effort for too little reward

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

Uuuuh, FOB probably

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

Not really, but also yes? I have a few things I absolutely refuse to put in my mouth

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

Perhaps? I’m not very hard to wake up but I can sleep through a lot of stuff

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

Nah I fucking love it

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

Yes!! I think I would actually like to become a writer. Not sure tho

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

Yea but only when I’m really into it. Like, usually I’m listening to stuff and the volume tends to low but then there’s this One song and I turn it up all the way until it’s over

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Wrap presents, I’ve never carved pumpkins before skjfvnskjfv seems like a hassle and I’d feel bad for not making it look nice

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Haven’t you noticed (I’m a star) from Steven Universe

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Winterr

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

Choclet........

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

Here you go!

(58) What Is Your Gender?

Solarian!

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

I’m a tea guy!

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

I’m helping translate an entire thing about the way emails work, its a bit of a hassle skjfvnsf

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

Uuuuh I’ve been questioning but im mlm and also into nb people

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

Yeah! Makes me feel accomplished and sexy

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

SYLVEON SYLVEON SYLVEON

(64) Favourite Social Media?

Absolutely Tumblr. Unless you count Discord as a social media

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

I don’t use. Instagram. But sure they’re neat

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

A little. Usually when I travel I’m either at a place I hate or at a place where I don’t have commodities I do have at home skjfnskjfb so I miss my room

(67) Are You A Virgin?

Yup

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Uuuh I’m using a Head & Shoulders shampoo I believe? WIth no conditioner bc my hair is real short now and conditioner tends to feel weird

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Well you see I would choose the crappy motel but 60 bucks seems a bit unattainable so sure, let’s stay in my car

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Nope, father is Dead

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

I’m not interested in anything, honestly

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

“If I could make days last forever, if words could make wishes come true, I’d save every day like a treasure and then, again, I would spend them with you”

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

There’s this like. Really nice honey color

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

I loved swinging! I still do but I’m. Self conscious about my weight and scared of breaking something

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

Some pastries for breakfast

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

20B wives, My sweet angel is a real angel, BitLife, Buriedbornes, Cardinal Quest 2, Crazy 8, Egg Inc, FarmVille 2, Fire Emblem Heroes, Gardenscapes, Get bigger! Mola, Homescapes, Human Resource Machine, Kept Man Life, Love Live, Mermaid Evolution, My Little Star VIP, Piano Tiles 2, Plague Inc, Pocket City, Pokémon GO, Puzzledom, SmithStory, Soul Knight, Tap Knight, Tower Breaker

To be clear quite a few of these stay there completely untouched

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

What kind of question is this???

I mean I don’t know CPR but if I could yeah???

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

… listen,

right now ive only been on my computer for like an hour or two but yeah ive done that,

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

I don’t think so?

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

Yyyyes and no. I’m a bit awkward but I like people

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

Oh!! I wear this really pretty crown shaped ring but idk where I left it

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Closed closed closed I haaate when my bedroom door is open

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Talk with friends, make some tea, read? I haven’t done a lot today skvnskjvn

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

Comfy shirt and sweatpants

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

What’s a beauty?

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

uuuh both? hard to answer??

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

Well, we’ve already clarified what I have on my phone skjfnskjfb

THe only games I know I have on console are Mortal Kombat Armageddon, Devil May Cry 3 special edition, and Okami. Oh! And God of War. I think at least the first and second. Were there more than two?

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

Nah

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

I don’t like fizzy drinks, they make my throat hurt

But Fanta is nice

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

Melodic voices singing, the rain, absentminded humming, small clicking noises...

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Jeans! I have very few but I’ve grown fond of them. Used to wear yoga pants pretty exclusively before

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

Gorgeous, of course

Skjvnskfjvn I’m still wearing the clothes I used to sleep

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

Ghibli movies

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

A star map on my back!

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

Right now I think that’s John Wolfe. But I like quite a few

[jess-oh]

Reflection

HEY JOURNAL! 

IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG!

I HAVE SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT!

MY PRIORITIES AND THOUGHTS ARE ALL OUT OF WHACK AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN!

I’ve been trying to process externally through other people instead of internally through my journal and lowkey it has been affecting my relationships with other people and I don’t want it to. 

Recently, I was hanging out with Mitchell and we witnessed a drive by shooting and overall, I’m pretty okay now. I was pretty freaked out at first but I think I’m okay now. Honestly, I was in denial a bit because I couldn’t tell if I was just putting on more of an act so people don’t think I’m a sociopath but whenever I talked about it and actually felt pain or a tightness in my chest or cried about it, I would be surprised and realized I was more affected than I initially thought about it. I was honestly afraid to go outside and I did get triggered whenever I heard loud, sudden sounds. But overall, I am better now. I think sharing it with people and asking for prayer did definitely help and going to God first. I listened to “Resurrecting” and “Even When It Hurts” a lot and really resonated with the words. Honestly, even on Sunday during service, I tried really hard to be real and honest with God but I couldn’t stop crying. I did feel super nervous being outside at all on Saturday and clutched my tote bag closely over my chest just in case one of the speeding cars suddenly started shooting. I was afraid and I admittedly still am to some extent but I am a lot better now. I am a little bit more edge than usual being outside but I’m getting back to normal. I am. I’m close. And I’m glad. Thank you, God! Thank you for wonderful people around me.

But I think it was good that this happened to me. It made me face the reality of how I felt. I feel as if I’ve been living with a layer over everything recently and haven’t been totally honest with anyone. Which is, admittedly a little tough. I want to have a best friend to whom I can just tell them everything. But I am surrounded by guys and I don’t want things to get awkward in sharing too much? I know I need to set boundaries! 

I’m just sad because for the girls, I really don’t have a lot in common with them so I can’t necessarily go super deep? I do get along well with Amanda but she’s a horrible texter and already has so much on her plate and I feel bad. I don’t want her to feel like she just has to take care of me all the time either? Because I know she has her own trust issues and I want to be accommodating to that! But it does kind of suck. I know other people feel alone too and I want to reach out to them and let them know I’m here for the but knowing the line between guys and girls is kind of hard. I want to reach out more Jason and P. Josh but they are guys. And that isn’t something I normally actively think about and I don’t see either of them in a romantic sense at all. I JUST WISH THERE WERE MORE SISTERS :’((( The community is lacking on our end! And I know I, along with Amanda and the other sisters can do a better job with community on our end bUT, it’s just unfortunate. And Movement isn’t super big either so it makes sense but it does kind of suck. I lowkey always questioned P. Josh whenever he wanted to intentionally do something or have something with a specific gender but I get it now :’( 

I really dislike gossip and I know that I do it sometimes but I actively try to go against it. It’s annoying, just leads to drama, and is extremely passive aggressive which also bothers me. And I’ve been the victim of it in the past and it freaking sucked and I hated it and it was such a terrible feeling. And I don’t want to feel like that again and I don’t think anyone should have to ever feel like that. Ever. Really.

But now I know about this thing that happened between Joyce Park and Jason and I don’t know what to do now? But typing this at all has actually been helping me process a lot. I know that I can have a big mouth at times and feel like I can’t keep secrets and I definitely want to get better at that but this...I don’t feel the need to share it with more people because I understand it isn’t my place. I’m not the most trustworthy person and I think my first love language has become acts of service. If my friends ever need anything, I would gladly drop everything I’m doing and go to help them as soon as I possibly can. And I don’t expect others to do the same for me because I understand that it’s a big time and energy commitment. I don’t want someone else to do what I am willing to do for others necessarily. I just want to have some that I can fully rely and depend on. Which used to be Jeanne but she never really shared back to me and I wanted to be there for her too. I didn’t just want to use her as a resource and toss her aside once I was done. I know what that feels like and it really really sucks. It does! And no one deserves to suffer through that kind of pain. 

I’m also kind of confused because Jason has been saying a lot recently that he shoudn’t talk or hangout with girls as often which has left me confused? Am I just a bro or does that include me? Orrrrrrrrr I don’t know. I think I’m a good friend for him and he’s definitely a good friend for me too but I need something or someone more than that. Not necessarily a significant other but someone to whom I can always rely on, yknow? Preferably of the same gender to avoid all of this potential unnecessary drama. Because I did lowkey crush on Andrew for a time and highkey with Anthony. I think I see Jason as an older mentor figure if anything. I realized this yesterday. I definitely see him as an Anthony in my life. But for Anthony, it was very much him helping me more than me ever helping him and looking back on it, I was really glad that he was there to support me but I wish I was a better friend to him :/ Maybe because I already liked Jason before I have nothing to worry about? LOL. But yeah. This drama...is so easily avoidable. I don’t want any part of it. At all. I’m happy that I’ve been able to be there for him but... I don’t know. He is there for me but I am still cautious with what I tell him. I don’t want to just be a bro but I want to be a good friend too. 

I’m also kind of salty towards P. Josh and Jason right now. I know I was really tired last night and lowkey dreaded going home. And I don’t always take great care of myself and them two plus Johnathan know that all too well. When I’m sick or overworking myself, they can definitely see. I have such a need to define myself by my productivity and what I can accomplish and it’s hard to remember to take care of myself and I get that! ...nor do I always think I deserve to rest but that’s a topic for another day.

BUT, I am S A L T Y towards P. Josh and Jason bc they keep discussing whos gonna take me back home amongst themselves without talking to me first and asking if I even want it to begin with. Which I usually say no and they refuse that as answer. Which sometimes is nice but other times just feels degrading like my opinion or voice doesn’t matter. And I’m reminded of when I first didn’t want to feel like a burden when I saw my mom, dad, and Olessia discussing who was supposed to pick me up from school and I just watched them argue. And I felt terrible in that moment and I felt like a heckin big burden. I don’t expect them be my chauffeur. I never do. I learned that from my parents to never assume. I learned from P. Joe to never make excuses and instead to make things work if I can. He had a low tolerance for excuses and I respect that about him but it has left me a bit scarred to some extent.  But yeah. I don’t know. I want to bring this up to them but I think I need to get better at taking care of myself and understanding my limitations first. Oh man, am I glad to be journaling again. It feels so good to just freely express everything again, ahhhhh. 

Anyway, okay! I’m going to make an honest attempt to figure everything out. I think being self deprecating and not taking care of myself has become a “fun” yet “toxic” and “normalized” part of my identity which is not very good... haha. I need to figure this out so that I can help other people who are in the same boat as me! And they are definitely out there. I know them. And I want to help them. I want to figure this out through God’s grace and lead others in the same direction. I pray that he can use me in such a way where He can bring others to Him through me. This is my hope and prayer to you, God! People desperately need you. They really do. And I want to help because it pains me to see them in pain as well.

I know I’m pretty bitter towards my parents and it’s easy to toss them under the bus but I really am grateful for them. My dad is supportive and my mom does worry for me.  Yes, they can say hurtful things at times but I think they do care for me at the end of the day. My upbringing was rough, theres no denying that. We really didn’t get along until after I left. But I am thankful for them. I am.

Jason and Joyce are off to have their conversation! Good luck little flapjacks! I hope all goes well. I care for the both you very deeply.

I am lonely, I think. I think Rhyarna, Eliza, and I made Emily feel bad for being so wholesome and now she feels the need to be “bad” to be on the same level as us and I feel as if we corrupted her and I feel bad now. And we used to be close but she would never really respond to me. Or at least not in the way that I wanted. And I don’t really trust Eliza and Rhyarna to be unbiased. I don’t just want support. I want someone to listen to me but to also tell me the truth. That’s what I need right and that’s what I lack right now. I used to have it with Jakob and Mana but they left. And even pretty limited with them. I used to have that with Marlena but she got busy and went to study abroad. I had that with Andrew but he started dating Sofia and they’re both so far away. And I don’t want blind support. And honestly, Andrew just gets mad at me sometimes when I don’t see my own potential but because he gets angry, I don’t want to talk to him at all. I don’t want to be another disappointment. I had that with Sharlene but she transferred schools to California. I had that with TyKira and Jordan but they both got busy and graduated. And I know none of them meant to leave because of any reason against me but I felt the most real and honest and happiest with them and now they’re gone and I’m alone again. I’m left to search for a new support system somewhere, somehow. But I just feel lost and confused and alone. It is lonely. I was close with the seniors at school but they’re all graduating soon and I’m sad and I’ll be left to search for support from somewhere else again. It’s been a very transitional, lonely time. I miss them. I need them. But I don’t want to just use them either. I did really care for all of them and wanted to be there for them just as much as they were so gracious in being there for me. I think I just need to pray more and be more honest with God instead of rely on such temporary humans. Maybe that’s why He keeps taking my friends away. Because I’m too independent when it comes to Him but too dependent when it comes to man. Or I’m just suffering from lack of community. Or both! Who knows!

Jason and Joyce just came back and they seem relatively calm so I think their conversation went well? I didn’t think they would talk so long. I’m actually pretty tired now. It’s 10:43pm now. Wow.